#stop pretending this disorder doesn't fucking exist

[starry-skies-116]

Rant-ish, from a Transneutral/Agender/Librafem Intersex "woman" with Hyperandrogenic PCOS because Ori Devuda-

Just heard from someone that people with PCOS can't be considered intersex/hermaphrodite, and... I digress- we're gonna have to agree to disagree, buddy- respectfully, I mean.

"YOu nEEd tO hAvE amBIguOUS gEniTaLia tO bE iNTeRseX" well tell you what buddy I'm not telling you what's in my pants but I still do fit said requirement. And even then, what gives to you trying to tell me I'm "still a woman"? Who gave you the right to tell me MY identity?

PCOS does fall under the intersex umbrella, in fact, because it involves chronic high testosterone levels and other male characteristics that aren't present in regular perisex females/AFAB individuals. People with PCOS, including myself, deal everyday with symptoms such as not ovulating, high levels of androgens, cysts on the ovaries, near-episodic anemia from FUCKING RARE but RIDICULOUSLY HEAVY periods, EXTREMELY irregular and rare periods, terrible acne breakouts, oily skin, excess hair growth, random weight gain and loss no matter how hard I try to maintain a somewhat healthy lifestyle, and the list goes on.

Imagine my face dropping and my eyes tearing up when my doctor says, with a disappointed face, that I'm at a higher risk for diseases like cancer and diabetes. As if this shit is MY fault entirely.

Here's the cold, hard truth: the medical industry doesn't give a shit about women, or AFAB individuals, and doesn't even LISTEN to intersex people with female genitalia, they just give arbitrary treatments like birth control. Oh, just eat 0 FUCKING carbs a day and workout even if you feel like shit and physically are stuck in such deep dysfunction you can't do anything! Get some laser treatment for your facial hair while you're at it. Oh, you're in severe physical and emotional pain and are chronically tired? Doesn't seem serious, everyone is, get a grip and cheer up! After all, your disorder is a fucking joke. A sick joke for everyone to laugh at while you suffer and nobody gives a shit or cares.

Yeah- let that sink in. Doctors only care about us losing weight and shaving our beards.

I can't even go a day without the dull but terrible ache of pelvic cramps that sometimes becomes sharp and causes me to nearly double over, holy shit.

I can't even eat a fucking Reese's cup without someone in my family yelling at me that I'll get fat and I need to swear off of everything even remotely the TINIEST bit unhealthy. I can't even indulge myself on the foods I love.

And the fact that Roe vs Wade has been overturned, and for many women and AFAB intersex or otherwise individuals with PCOS or other infertility/vaginal syndromes/disorders, this will mean they could potentially get arrested for something OUTSIDE of their control. Think about that.

And the less commonly-heard-about shit I and many others with PCOS have to deal with is random bouts of feeling angry, hungry, thirsty and high-libido all at the same time, not to mention the chronic PAIN and FATIGUE and sheer amount of HEAT that stems from the pelvis all throughout the fucking body. I'm PARALYZED with pain sometimes in that area that I literally cannot move due to joint inflammation, my skin can be literally BURNING and I could be CRYING because I'm in so much pain and so hot and BURNING ALL THE FUCK OVER EVERY PORE OF MY BEING, and my Mum scolds me for 'not being characteristic of a woman' because of a disorder I can't control. Sometimes I eat less than I need and STILL FUCKING GAIN THE SAME AMOUNT OF WEIGHT.

I know polycystic ovaries themselves don't cause pain, but still- the disorder itself is terrible shit to deal with. It even spreads to places like my neck, back, legs and joints? And I have to hobble and crawl around like some old fossil sometimes in the midst of executive dysfunction and disabling pain and fatigue?

What the ever-loving shit??

This intersex umbrella covers an incredibly vast and wide range of “individuals born with a hormonal, chromosomal, gonadal or genital variation which is considered outside of the male and female norms,” and PCOS CERTAINLY meets that definition.

Stop pretending intersex people with PCOS don't exist. Women and AFAB/intersex people with traditionally AFAB genitalia with PCOS may or may not consider themselves intersex/hermaphrodite, but I am. And nobody gets to say otherwise, lest they want this post shoved down their throat. /hj but STILL MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK GUYS CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT-

[adrian-sheppy]

for star trek au. want to make more . we wll see. . info dump under cut. its a bit disjointed

this whole au endevour has had me reading all the wikis for andorians. like “transgender” on andoria would be a blanket term because of the four named “canon” sexes (and the unnamed sexes that would fall “between” these!. and who knows how many genders.) i'm not gonna get into it here . there's a lot to say .

andorians are militant and family oriented. child rearing is very important. they suffer near constant population issues; one cause is that they need four people to have one kid. andorians are traditionally polyamorous and pansexual but they wouldnt use these terms . barney cant cut it in an andorian polycule so barney dating one guy (WHO IS VULCAN!!!) and neither of them wanting kids = traditional andorians instantly dislike him. guy with the biggest target on his back. joined star fleet so people back home would stop eviscerating him. like now when barney loses an antenna he is treated nicely instead of being roasted until it grows back! so cool . andorians in star fleet would be more accepting of untraditional andorian relationships . i.e jennifer lower decks . but gordons a vulcan so thats gonna cause some issues also...

...dont get me started on gordon's relationship with Vulcans and how they would treat him... like NO ONE talks about sybok outside of final frontier (i think he was mentioned in snw ?) not even in DISCO where the s'chn t'gai family is a FUCKING FOCAL POINT. they pretend he doens't exist because vulcans put things into boxes and rationalize them away . and when they cant? dont acknowledge it. call it irrational and move on... and then in comes gordon (number one hater of the vulcan science academy btw) and he cant regulate his emotions like the majority of vulcans can. he makes many vulcans uncomfortable by just EXISTING. its like the prejudice spock has to deal with but times 100x because he CANT keep his cool. it's used to discredit him and to question his vulcan heritage . and its called a “defect” primarily by vulcan doctors. his brain is just more similar to a humans than a vulcans. its a congenital disorder by vulcan standards.

they were both dealt shit cards and born into a culture that doesn't work for them (or gordon finds out later about said culture and see it has no room for him), so waht do? escape to the stars. misfits congregate in star fleet. and barney runs hot like the vulcan deserts and gordon runs cold like the ice moon of andoria and in eachothers arms they are at home and accepted for being the outcasted assholes that they are . . . . . ... and gordon is a chocoholic. love wins.

[norvicensiandoran]

I'm sorry but ofc a true 4b movement is "transphobic". Sex based oppression is based on sex being a biological reality. Even if you want to believe than trans women aren't men, they're still people capable of impregnating a woman. Men who identify as women do not and can not suffer the same biological abuse that extreme patriarchy enforces on female bodies.

This people.

This is why I warned you about the transphobia.

They're telling on themselves.

This is why we're doing 8C. This is why I told you we need to call it something else.

Also trans women tend to have very individualistic levels of fertility and anatomical differences even from one another. Not that this gross TERF gives a shit.

For 8C it doesn't matter as much unless they voted for Trump (Blaire White exists so I guess it happens) and also they'll probably get a vasectomy if they need one to protect a partner who can get pregnant, and also because we don't want to throw our trans sisters or even our gay brothers to these Grapist Assholes.

Solidarity.

Self defense classes.

Mutual Intersectional Compassion.

Fuck this transphobic bullshit. As a cis woman with a mild intersex disorder that gives me, among other things, a lady beard, someone like you might throw me to grapist wolves because "you can always tell."

No you fucking can't.

Stop pretending you know shit about biology when you clearly stopped paying attention in class when you were 14.

[idontknowanametouse]

Luffy's siblings headcanons (that means Ace, Sabo and Uta. Will leave the Shuggy to another post)

CW/TW: mentions of eating disorders, self-loathing and classism

Ace

Is autistic and has ADHD. Absolutely no idea of social clues or rules in general. Very sensitive to rejection and olphative stim. Loves running around and uses his devil fruit powers for visual stim. Has very frequent violent meltdowns, suffered with ableism violence because of it in both childhood and adulthood. Sarcasm king, though he doesn't actually get it himself. Never makes eye contact. Masks a lot.

Has bipolar disorder. It started after Sabo's death and only gotten worse through the years as he refused to get help. Somedays he'll just not leave his bed and wonder why he exists. However, other days, he is as sparkling as a flame and can't stop running around. Even in depressed days, as very few of them are completely debilitating, he tries to keep up his smile, but it's possible to see there's something wrong.

He is very tall and has very defined muscles, although they are not big (he's kind of thin). Both portuguese and multiracial brazillian ascendence, he has dark skin and freckles all over his body. Has lots of scars, although most of them aren't visible.

Trans and gay. Found out the trans thing after he met Sabo and Luffy and started feeling gender envy. They said they didn't feel like boys, but Ace explained he envied the fact that everyone would think of them as boys just by looking at them. Transitioned when he left Fusha Island, as he felt really scared before to come out to other people. Never had a sexuality question, he likes guys and that's it. Dating Yamato on distance.

Eats almost as much as Luffy, which is quite an accomplishment, and most of it goes to his muscles. If you look just at his torso, you'll get pretty concerned about his health, but his muscles prove that he's just really thin naturally.

Fave colors are orange and red. He puts them in every single piece of stuff he's ever owned.

Doesn't swear around strangers, but does a lot around family and friends. He is, in fact, known between them for being very rude sometimes.

Loves to hug. Hugs literally all the people he sees. He's quite touch starved.

Calls the Straw Hat pirates and the revolutionaries every week. Now, he knows everything about the revolutionary members and their personal stuff (Sabo is quite a gossip girl).

Regularly visits Wano to see Otama. She loves him and is always wanting to talk to him about literally every single detail about her day-to-day life, and he'll always listen to her.

Likes bubblegum pop music (Kate Perry fan) and also really sad japanese songs like "My R" or "Hated by life itself".

Although he doesn't change much on his clothes publically, he absolutely LOVES trying gnc styles in private. Specially likes corsets and make up. As a kid, he pretended he didn't have any interest on it so others could see him as a boy, but he's always liked it (one of the few times being seen as a girl made him happy).

Very scared of abandonment. He hates the thought of being alone, and after Marineford, it intensified as he remembered the feeling of being completely alone while being taken to his execution.

Sings very well, but doesn't show it normally. Very scared of what people might think. He plays some guitar and has composed a few songs, but nobody can know.

Although he is very ashamed of wearing make up, he sometimes shows it to Marco, as he got caught one day trying it and Marco insisted on him not giving up on it cuz hes actually pretty good at it.

Will sometimes shout out loud just cause he can. He likes the sound and the feeling of it and also jump scaring people.

Very protective of lil siblings, can and will bite you (and burn you) if you mess with them.

Sabo

Is autistic and has short term memory loss issues. "Fuck social rules". Hates any kind of touch, it feels icky. Is always moving so he can stim with literally anything he got on his hands, be it a paper clip or a gun. Only drinks milk and only eats plain bread. Masked a lot in childhood, stopped after losing his memory. Has those big bug autism eyes. Eye contact very intense. Has very frequent shutdowns.

Due to the whole "being hit by a canon ball in the head" thing, he is blind and deaf in the left side. Has a big burn scar that covers almost all of the left side on his face/scalp. He also got brain damage, which paralized his left side (he constantly uses his pipe as a cane) and also worsened his thought line, as he is now uncapable of thinking beyond the short term consequences of his actions. He also has hallucinations during hard moments.

Very tall and thin, due to always forgeting to eat (short term memory loss + autism consequence). Has albinism, his hair is very light, almost white, and eyes are a very clear tone of blue. Got big dark circles due to not sleeping well at all.

Nonbinary boy and asexual. They always thought that the whole gender thing was dumb, and even more after meeting Ace and Luffy. After they lost their memory, when they got their gender asked, they'd just answer "no". Found out they were asexual after started a relationship with Koala, as she asked if they wanted to have sex and they said "no, why would I want that? Isn't that a thing people just do to have children?"

Everyone needs to remind him when to eat, or else he'll starve. Absolutely can't feel when his stomach is craving for food. One of the reasons they are so thin, beyond genetics.

Favorite colors are blue and purple. When he introduces himself, it's basically "I'm Sabo. I use he/they. I'm a revolutionary. My favorite colors are blue and purple."

The one who swears the most in the army. Also screams a lot, and they even don't realize it.

Some of the hallucinations include his abusive household. These times, he goes to Dragon for comfort.

Keeps contact with Robin every week. Whenever he calls the straw hats, he asks Luffy to bring her so they can gossip. He now knows everything the straw hats do. He and Luffy bully Ace for being the only one of them that isn't asexual.

Loves goth and punk music, if in modern scenario, would always be with phones on their ear.

Uses punk-style clothes and has lots of piercings through his body (amazing idea from @where-does-the-heart-lie), got some tattoos too.

Is very scared of the dark. He just is. Always needs a little lamp with him so he doesn't stay the whole night awake.

Knew how to play piano as a kid due to his parents. Now, he hates it. Only played ONCE because of a disguise, and everyone who was there still begs for him to play again because he was really good at it, but he refuses.

Will let Koala try some experimental make-up on them, but nobody can touch their hair.

Always waving back and forth so they can keep stimming all the time.

Has killed and will kill for the people he loves. Do not try him.

Uta

Got ADD and BPD. Can't pay attention to shit to save her life, does not give a fuck about rules. Got very complicated familial relationships, and often feels guilty for her swings, even when others reassure her that it's ok. Variates very quicky between mania and depression and often deals with suicidal ideation. These times, she looks for comfort in her family.

Is kind of small, as she is both very thin and and short. Is black and has her hair in locs, dyed half red and half white. Actually wears purple contacts for her shows.

Transfem and bisexual. Found out transness in childhood and sexuality in teen years. Many of her songs are for queer awareness and acceptance. Basically the main reason xenopronouns and xenogender are known globally, as she herself uses she/they/purple/red/cute/song/art.

Has troubles with eating disorders. It was worse when she started her carrier, but it still affects her a lot, one of the reasons she is so small. Can eat more when she is with her family, but it's still way too small. However, she did stop vomit-inducing herself, which is something she reminds and praises herself for everyday.

Their favorite color is purple, but loves pink, too.

Red never swears in public as it might affect reds image, but, in private, does it a lot. And also yells.

Purple has lots of plushies and toys from purples childhood that purple keeps. They help purple on calming down, specially before and after shows.

Is in absolute schock after cute found out cutes dad was in a relationship with Buggy, Crocodile and Mihawk. But at least cute got a friend, Perona, with all of that. They gossip basically everyday and both agree their dads' situation is weird as fuck.

Although song is an idol, song likes all type of music. Songs whole playlist is more than 200 hours long.

Art only likes the clothes art wears in shows, so art keeps wearing them everyday (only changes them for pajamas to sleep).

Gets scared very easily by daily stuff (if you whisper "boo" at her ear she will faint) but can watch all horror movies ever and not feel a thing.

Liked sewing as a kid, but due to losing practice they're now ashamed of it cuz they think it looks bad. Will only repair a few pajamas.

The kind of child to experiment make up on everyone. LITERALLY EVERYONE. And do their hair as a bonus.

Due to being scared when purple first entered the music industry, purple started skin picking as an unhealthy stim, but is now unlearning it and trying to see which healthy stims purple likes the most.

Killed a guy once cuz he talked shit about her bro (Luffy). Don't say anything about him, for your own good.

[the-scooby-gang]

Character assassination and delayed puberty: VelmaHBO mishandling of Fred Jones

As I write the "I watched Velma HBO so you don't have too" reviews for episode 1 and 2, I decided to post this thought process I had regarding Fred's mischaracterization and, specifically, about the choice of giving him delayed puberty.

In the show, Mindy Kaling's self insert (because that ain't Velma in this or in the next life) comes to the conclusion that Fred is such a "spoiled white privileged brat" that his body didn't see the point of growing up at all.

First of all: Fuck that

Second of all: Whose brilliant idea (we all know who, but lets pretend for a second here) was it to turn FRED JONES: cheerleader; net lover; circus enjoyer; himbo friend; golden retriever sunshine boy and "I love my friends and my van so much you guys" into THIS?!?!

Is it because he is white, blond and has blue eyes???? Because it would be easy to make him into a caricature of white supremacy???

Yes. That's exactly why they changed Fred. Because it was easy.

I will go deeper on this in the full review of episode 1 and 2 (god help me) but this whole show is written in the most lazy way possible with jokes that would have fit perfectly in a edgy early 2000s show, where characters become those straw men versions of liberals conservatives IMAGINE exist.

Where people of color complain all the time about white supremacy but don't go deeper into it, its just complaining for the sake of complaining;

Where they bring genuine arguments people make but with zero nuance or though behind them, instead the writers put what THEY imagine it is about and, 99.9% of the time, they attribute it to people being "tOo sEnSiTiVe" and " tRiGgErEd SnOwFlAkEs"

Where people blow things out of proportion and accuse people left and right of being fascists (when they call Fred "Hitler" the background character says "he looks like Hitler. And I'm not just saying that because we call anyone Hitler nowadays") completely disregarding the WHY people in real life are calling out fascist behavior when they see it. Hello rise of fascism happening on the world, how is the INVASION OF CAPITOL IN AMERICA and THE INVASION AND DEPREDATION OF THE PLANALTO IN BRAZIL going for you?!;

This show is Family Guy. I would say it's worse than Family Guy even.

Third of all: Delayed puberty is an Actual Thing That Happens To People. It's something that can happen at random or it can be a genetic disorder shared in the family. It can be a symptom of something way more serious or something benign.

Many people that suffer from delayed puberty suffer from low self esteem because they have to watch their friends grow and develop when the same thing's not happening to them. They may feel like they're never going to catch up.

People are bullied over this, people develop depression.

And now these people are the punch line of this mean spirited joke.

I can even envision a better show where Fred still has delayed puberty, but instead of being the butt of jokes where people keep commenting on the size of the penis of this HIGH SCHOOLER, they treat as the constitutional delay it is. Fred is a late bloomer. It may be caused by a pattern of growth and development in his family, it may be a chronic illnesses he has. Can you imagine Fred with something like asthma or diabetes?

Lets go with that, lets imagine a Fred with diabetes, who is not receiving a proper treatment for said diabetes (maybe because his parents subscribe to that style of parenting where they are more concerned about appearances than the well being of their kid. "No, he has no problem. He is a perfectly healthy Jones."

Or they are the kind that say shit like this: "He doesn't have blurry vision he is just a lazy student, that's an excuse," or "You would stop going so much to the bathroom to piss if you stoped drinking water all the time" or even "I told you to not stay awake all night on those weird net making websites, now you're tired in class. What kind of mother they must think I am..." "But I didn't stay up all night, I swear–" "Don't you lie to me Frederick") and as such the side effects and symptoms are left unchecked.

So the Fred Velma, and we the audience, are introduced too is the heir of this fortune... who can't stay standing because he is constantly tired, has completely given up on trying to apply himself on school because he can't see the fucking board his vision is so blurry, has passed out at least once in gym, drinks water like he lives in a dessert and is so self conscious about his body that even his girlfriend hasn't seen him shirtless even once. The swim team hasn't seen him shirtless even once, so there are these whiplash inducing photos in the year book where is a bunch of guys in speedos nest to this one dude in an early 20th century striped swimming suit.

In episode 1 itself Velma's vision of Fred can start biased, after all from a distance a person that doesn't know Fred personally can chalk his behavior to "rich dramatic boy that knows he doesn't need to put effort into learning since he already has a fortune guaranteed for him after all this, so he is just sleeping and vibing and being dramatic through high school" but as the episode progresses and she gets to know Fred, she notices that the image doesn't fit. Fred, who has such in depth knowledge about physics and mechanics, who clearly loves his girlfriend very much and feels bad about the murder of this girl he considered a friend. The image of "Rich guy that doesn't care" is not fitting.

I want it to be a Velma and Daphne epiphany. About Daphne talking about all these things Fred has told her or that she noticed about him to Velma as they look for clues and it hits Velma as a she connects all together. The tiredness, the pissing, the thirst, the blurry vision.

Daphne may have not seen it because she is too close but with Velma's outside perspective the pieces fall into place.

Now lets imagine that instead of cop lesbian moms, Daphne could have lesbian doctor/nurse moms. They take him to them and they give him what he desperately needed:

"No, dear. You're not lazy, or broken, or an attention seeker, or any other bullshit your parents called you. You have diabetes. Type 1 to be precise."

After Daphne and Velma hug a crying Fred until he has no more tears to give, the series progresses with Fred now treating his diabetes as one of its recurring plot lines.

I want Daphne to have extra insulin in her purse, I want Shaggy to help Fred with his new diet, I want Fred and Velma to go exercising together and have deep conversations about body image and how they deal with it (Fred with his delayed puberty, Velma with her extra weight)

"Mature" and "Adult" content doesn't need to be edgy sex-violence-and-drugs.

It can be simply a story of a high schooler having to deal with diabetes in a country were insulin is expensive as fuck, some parents are more willing to let their kids suffer than offer any kind of help or even admit that there may be a problem in the first place, of dealing with body image and things that are out of your control.

Just a thought.

This is a post by The-Scooby-Gang, thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

[faust-the-enjoyer]

Leaving the cod fandom ✌!

Explanation + mini rant + final comments below:

So, I used to write for some cod characters, and I don't wanna be in this fandom anymore or write for it, for many reasons:

The games are military and war propaganda, I don't want anything to do with them anymore, they're filthy.

The fandom is full of americans, and a lot of em showed that they are ok with throwing Palestinians and the global south under the bus for the illusion and false dream of having some "rights", because to them intersectionality and values are just words, nothing more. Hell, even non-Americans supported americans in doing that. Shameful.

A lot of people in the fandom have been or are in the military. How can so many of us even feel safe or comfortable in the fandom when not only have these folks' accounts been made popular, but everyone is just...ok with having someone participate in the American war machine/western imperialism/etc around? How are people supposed to feel safe when not only are these individuals popular, but never condemned/held accountable for their heinous participation in such awful things? And no, this isn't me telling you to send them hate, but just as you "call out" racists in the fandom, call em out too.

Constant weirdness, fetishization, and mischaracterization in the fandom when it comes to mental illnesses/mental disorders in the lore/games/characters. CONSTANTLY. Actual real mental illnesses/disorders, it doesn't matter if it's just a game, those illnesses/disorders are real. That's so fucking weird.

No, you're not "not discussing politics" on your blog, you're a cod blog you dipshit, you're deep throating military and imperialist propaganda disguised as a video game. What you don't wanna do is discuss atrocities committed by YOUR country/military in the global south, lay your cards on the table. Oh and another, stop bitching about the fact that minorities and groups that have been discriminated against in the west join militaries and therefore it's "ok" or "empowering" or whatever, be real with yourself and get a grip, or do you like having a stick up your ass for imperialism/a war machine?

I should only apologise to myself for even being in this fandom, for even participating in it. The nerve of some of some of you, pretending to care about others. They don't care about us, they're not even good at pretending that they do, so please, don't be fooled. I've blocked big blogs that I used to enjoy the works of in this fandom just because they're ok with selling out Palestinians, just because they wanted to vote for and encouraged voting for a genocider. Please remember that Palestinians are real people, going through a genocide. And no, i'm not obligated to give you a solution when it comes to voting, be serious, your "country" in its state today shouldn't even exist, all rights should be given back to Native Americans.

Lastly, I still have some drafts for some cod fics, though i don't know if i'll even continue writing them or not, i'll decide.

Thank you for reading.

[cozza-frenzy]

Being a system can be hard sometimes and it's made a lot harder when singlets who are aware of our plurality just... refuse to engage with us on our terms. Like because this is a condition we can mask, we should mask around them. All the time. Because we make them uncomfortable. And I guess it's their right to feel uncomfortable when what they're seeing isn't "normal"? When the person in front of you suddenly changes voice, changes body language, there's an instinct in the back of your head that tells you they're being deceptive or manipulative. That there's something wrong with them. Ableism is one thing, but it's hard to fight against an instinct, and most people won't even acknowledge the existence of this one because they think only animals have instincts. But anyway; when singlets tell us to stop being so overt about it, whatever way they put it, they're always basically saying shit like this: "It would be so much easier on me if you didn't act like the person you really are, and instead just pretend to be (host), the one person in your system who I consider 'real' " "I'd like to ignore the fact that all of you exist and pretend that you're (host), so I'll just talk to you as if you're (host), because you're basically all the same person anyway" "You're mentally ill and being reminded of that makes me uncomfortable, so if you pretend to be (host) that means I don't have to think about it"

It must be nice to be able to ignore this. To be able to just walk away. To be able to ask us nicely just to make this one allowance for you, and then pretend that our disorder doesn't exist, because seeing us this way stresses you out too much. We don't get to do that. No matter how stressed or upset or aggressive someone in our system gets, we can't just walk away from them when it's inconvenient for us to deal with. We share a body and a brain. Things happen all the damn time without our conscious control, whether that's splits, flashbacks, even alters fusing together or going dormant can happen without anybody getting any warning. We're almost constantly stressed, because even with our system's high levels of communication and co-operation, we don't know when something will happen that will destabilize us for days or weeks at a time. It's one thing when strangers do this. It's one thing to mask in public spaces where being openly mentally ill might put us in danger. It's a whole other thing when people we thought cared about us pull this shit. Singlets be fucking normal about systems challenge, difficulty: impossible. - Terry

[kart0]

Incredible. I really do feel like I am dying. I can feel my body withering away. I went to class and I could not walk, my legs were shaky, my vision was blurred and I was seeing spots. I had a presentation, and I kept stumbling on my words. I am so confused and I can't think properly. The only thing I had today was soup, for dinner. And I feel so ill and miserable. It's so interesting how I can now finally see what is going on. And still, cannot change anything. It's just becoming worse and worse, I have been eating less each time, skipping meals. I have not had breakfast nor lunch for quite some time now. I only snack a bit. I feel so cold, all the fucking time. I always had thin wrists, and skinny hands, not like those pretty hands with long fingers, no. A normal, average hand. But now it got to a point where it is boney and rather scary. I am afraid of myself, of what I have become. I am afraid and scared of how much I feel this sick twisted feeling of pride, wearing tight clothes to show how skinny I am, as if it was some kind of badge of honour. Look, look how much weight I loss, without exercises or proper diet ! But also, I feel like deep inside, reeeally deep, I keep showing off as some sort of plead for help. Please notice me ! Look how skinny I got, in such a short amount of time ! Look at me ! Notice how I have been eating less, skipping meals, not eating any of my favourite foods ever, feeling sick all the time. Please ! I know I will not ask for help... So maybe that's why I am asking for someone to come to me. Please, maybe I am important too. Please, help me.

I am scared of telling anyone. I am scared of permanently damaging my body. But I also am terrified of gaining weight. Which is why I have not told my therapist nor my psychiatrist. Nor my mom, nor my sister. I only confessed it here. This is my safe space. Or is it ? Has it become a source of enabling my behaviour ?

I had a relapse yesterday and ended up getting very intoxicated with alcohol. Not my proudest moment. My dad said some pretty mean things to me. And when he's upset or angry with me, or he feels like I have disrespected him, he ignores me. Straight up pretends I do not exist, he does not acknowledge me at all. And I pretend it doesn't upset me as much as it does. Like if this didn't make me feel so unimportant and irrelevant. Like this doesn't make me want to die. Maybe I should do that. I am nothing but a burden anyways.

And I goes on for weeks, and months, and it hurts me so much. And I try to make amends, to ask for forgiveness. But it only stops when he decides it's been enough time.

I relapsed and took so many shots of vodka, and because I have not been feeding properly I obviously felt very sick. I woke up at 5am and kept vomiting, and I had nothing to vomit. It was just bile and acid. I drank water and felt sick and vomited the water I just had. It burned.

I am so hungry. Why can't I eat. Why can't I be normal, and live a normal life, and just be ok for once. Why do I have to keep having these mental issues, I have depression, bipolar disorder, autism, and adding to the mess, anorexia.

I wish someone loved me enough to realize what I am doing.

[alternian-cringe-collector]

ABOUT:

Welcome to the cringe and drama collection. From roleplayers pretending to be aliens and fake neonblooded castes, to out-of-touch highbloods who can't see they're the problem, even "transcaste" and "trans-human" bullshit, this is the aspiring hub for everything and anything cringe, as well as all the interpersonal drama, meltdowns, freakouts, and ragequits we can get our finned fingers on. We'll reblog and post a variety of things here that fit our criteria.

MODS:

[Mod Beta] - she/her, Alternian

[Mod Seastar] - he/him, Alternian

[Mod Viperfish] - he/him, Alternian

[Mod Trout] - they/he, Alternian

[Mod Anchor] - she/they, Beforian

[Mod Redsnapper] - they/them, Beforian

RULES:

1. Don't send in furry/fandom/RPF/friendfiction/PDA/rage bait etc. It's not funny.

2. We 100% will put bigotry on this blog. We lean SJW now. Blow me, Mod Trout, personally, if you have a problem with it :]

3. If you submit a post from your pitchcrush or something stupid like that, we will troll your blog to find cringe of you in turn. Please try to act mature about submitting things.

4. Don't ask to tag. Tag from the pusher. Tag what you feel in your metaphysical soul.

5. Don't send in signs, last names, locations, or identifying information. Do not attempt to dox others through this blog.

6. Don't send in "therian" or "kinnie" shit. It's low hanging fruit.

7. Don't send in people suffering from known mental disorders, psychosis, or schizophrenic breakdowns. It's not funny if people are actually afflicted with a mental illness that's ruining their fucking life.

8. Don't send in unedited links. Delete the tracking bullshit off of them.

9. Don't send in the fake )(IC blog.

10. The mods are always posting interpersonal shit. Get over it. This is a fucking cringe blog, you're not here for quality.

11. Just because the mods are seadwellers doesn't mean we'll go easy on other fish. If you're being a fucking wader online, we're still going to point and laugh. Everyone is fair game.

12. We already know Mod Viperfish is a rebel and practices The Sufferer's Teachings. It's literally his blog, we don't care, and no, we will not kick him holy shit stop sending asks about it.

13. Do not be mean to our 'guest mod' or treat them as stupid.

TAGS:

Posts without cringe in them are supposed to be tagged as #not cringe but usually aren't Posts about caste faking and people pretending to be unreasonable mutant shades are tagged as #fakeblood Posts about 'mutants' are tagged as #mutants (though we no longer consider mutants cringe) Posts flaunting flagrantly false information are tagged as #blatant misinformation Posts pretending to give 'helpful tips' to delusional people are tagged as #cringeposting advice Posts of people pretending timelines do not exist will be tagged as #timey wimey (⎈ coming soon ⎈) Posts so far gone the mod tagging is speechless are tagged as #outright deranged Posts where people are weird about the Empress (usually in a pailing or tough-bitch fake act way) are tagged as #weird empress shit Posts about 'transcaste' bullshit are tagged as #transcaste

QUEUE IS OFF! We are so fucking tired.

[misswannabeperfect]

I really really want to message her and tell her what a pathetic human being she is.

I know we all kind of want to get the others' attention because we're unhappy and need some help. But she's on another level.

She pretends she has every disorders. She's selfish and vain. She has this weird fetish about paedophilia, so she dresses up like a little girl (even though she's 26 years old) and dates dudes that are way older than her and who also share the same fetish.

Her only hobbies are looking at herself in the mirror and be on her phone. She doesn't do anything else. And she's so self absorbed that she doesn't care about anyone but her own persona. You only exist so that she can talk to you about HER problems, HER issues, the day SHE had.

She will not hesitate to ruin other people's day. Like, she had a reunion planned with her friends, they wanted to walk around, do some shopping, have a drink or two. She showed up completely drunk and they had to spend the whole afternoon taking care of her, helping her puke, prevent her from annoying passers-by, or getting run over by cars.

I went to a party with her. All night I was by her side, to make sure she wouldn't jump in the river nearby, stopping her from getting with weird dudes who would have abused her, hiding her while she pissed on the pavement, looking for her phone, because she had to get wasted.

You invite her at your house, while you aren't looking she cuts herself and then comes to you, her arm all bloody so that you can tend to it.

She just likes to be a big baby completely dependant of others.

And now she's being this huge hypocrite on insta, "spreading awareness" because poor baby self diagnosed herself with an ED. She noticed she wasn't receiving a lot of attention about her bipolar disorder lately, so she's switching to another illness.

This fucking bitch.

[ileftherbackhome]

i definitely agree with you about 1989 especially new romantics it has such a dark self destructive vibe even with the fun production. and clean is definitely about her eating disorder. i think that's what she's referring to when she uses "we" and "you". and it kinda connects back to bigger than the whole sky with the recurring rain theme. idk if this makes much sense but im just having so many thoughts about this

I think the album gradually gets darker as it goes on, with the happier songs being in the beginning which makes sense. None of the songs are really "happy" but you get what I mean, even songs like how you get the girl and I wish you would: they're not a healthy way of coping with a relationship that's falling apart. Like wishing they could read your mind and show up for you, even as you're in your house and not doing anything to prove that you're worth the fight is her sick mentality showing up. Like, I was on the taylor is sick train from red because she was very skinny during red era, so like I think I went into 1989 with a different perspective from jump and I just always thought 1989 was just such a polished song, it felt like the ultimate expression of what an anorexic person thinks is #lifegoals if that makes any sense.

I've always viewed pop taylor as the death of vulnerable taylor because her songs got so fucking cloaked in metaphor and upbeat melody that you can't really dissect the songs unless you know exactly what she was going through at the time and I think that midnights is like her answer to that. Like, I think taylor made the switch into pop because it provided her a way to close off the gut wrenching vulnerability that was evident through albums 1-4 that was not immediately visible during album 5.

I think because I've always been like weirdly in tune with taylor (I think taylor and I are very similar in terms of being undiagnosed autistic women who are conventionally attractive and who dealt with a LOT of sexism during our formative years and so I kind of always end up being correct about things with her in a way just by putting lyrics together with bits and pieces of info here and there) I've always had felt like 1989 was so misunderstood when it came out. Like, it's literally perfect. Artistically, it's her most destructive album but it's all tied up in pretty little bows and upbeat melodies and earworms so the allistics are thrown off the fricking scent and it worked so fucking well.

Like, everything about that album is misunderstood. Bad Blood was her eating disorder ruining relationships and taking everything personally and I wish you would was her eating disorder telling her if they cared, they'd show up and even shake it off is her pushing her feelings away and pretending they don't exist so she doesn't hurt so much all the time. Like, it's anger and heartbreak and figuring out your sexuality and terrible coping mechanisms and just control over every little aspect of your life to make yourself seem perfect. Like, God, and if you add the autistic lens on top of it!!!! Bro, if you listen to 1989 as an autistic person who moved to New York to find herself and ended up literally cheating and lying and stealing and robbing to win and break hearts so you can feed your eating disorders need to be the best at everything, to be perfect all the fucking time to make sure everyone fucking remembers you, to want to leave a permanent mark on other people so badly you don't fucking care how you do it you just do it because you're so fucking sick and in pain all the time but you can't stop or else you'll have failed and wouldn't that be the worst and then one day, one day you wake up and you realize why you've been acting like this, why you've been self destructive this entire time and why moving to New York made you feel even worse and that's because you've been sick and you're just getting sicker and now you're looking back and you feel like you've been screaming this entire time in silence

And I just love this album so much but it's so misunderstood because that's like the fucking point. I've always thought that pop taylor was so closed off in her music but really she just went undercover, hiding in plain sight so to speak, and idk I feel like midnights rearranged my brain chemistry especially after I made that 1989/midnights track by track analysis like I really feel like each track lines up perfectly with sick vs "healthy" taylor (shes not in therapy and has never been to therapy so idk if i call her healthy but the healthiest shes been for sure) and I think it's so beautiful that midnights starts with meet me at midnight. Like, 1989 was the brand and as an extension was sick taylor and midnights is her. Like who she is as a person, she is midnight. Like ugh, I love it. I love it, I could write some more about the growth from the one sure thing you know about yourself being your birthday vs describing yourself who you are as midnight!!!! Amazing, like I love it.

Sorry about all this, anon. You have thoughts, I wanna hear all of them but you get word salad instead.

[bisexual-neco-arc]

like.... on paper, i get the point this person is trying to make. but the way they're just smugly sitting here implying learning "disorders" (don't think i didn't notice the sarcastic fucking quotes there) aren't real because capitalism is absolutely fucked

if society collapsed tomorrow and capitalism stopped being a thing, i wouldn't suddenly stop mixing up digits and putting decimals in the wrong place. my cousins still wouldn't be able to read without assistance or special fonts for their texts. people with dysgraphia won't suddenly 'figure out' how to use written language and hold writing utensils correctly.

i get the argument of "this is only a disorder because under capitalism you need to have this skill". i get that every diagnostic category is just a word for a group of symptoms that may or may not require the same kind of treatment in every case, & that this is even more true for something as poorly understood as mental health.

but 1) op fails to understand that this shit affects our lives far outside the reach of how 'marketable' we are to potential employers

& 2) i cannot begin to express how ableist it is to just. pretend an entire subset of mental health problems doesn't exist and is only considered bad because you can somehow tie it into capitalism lmao. no girlypop this shit ruins lives and whether or not i can make a paycheck with my lack of maths skills isn't going to change that

just thinking about how people who say this kind of stupid shit about learning disabilities have no idea what they’re talking about and almost definitely got their understanding of how mental disorders work from tiktok.

[bitacrytic]

I already sent this to someone else and its not in the KP tag but I think you might enjoy my analysis.

The way I interpreted the Mirror Scene was that in some way, Kinn was trying to quell him, possibly subconsciously, possibly not (idk if that's the correct term to use, but), we see him brusquely turn Porsche around by the shoulders, we see that Porsche doesn't want to be doing that or possibly be in Kinn's presence; He's tilting his head back almost rolling his eyes and while I don't think there's sexual tension yet and absolutely no romantic feelings, when Kinn traps him in his arms, I think Kinn becomes consciously aware how intimate and unintentionally domestic it's become

Kinn's gay. He knows he's strictly into men, and while I don't think he has any sexual or physical attraction to Porsche right now (his annoyance and exasperation is in the foreground), he has eyes. He can tell Porsche's attractive, and he has an attractive man within the circle of his arms in what can almost be called an embrace. I think he realizes, in that moment,  how strange it is to have someone who's existance has wrecked havoc and disorder in just a day or two of just being there, so close and in his personal space for someone who he isn't sexually or romantically involved with. I highly doubt he's like this with any other guard or even family. It's almost like he feels he needs to be the one to put Porsche in his place, and he can't really tell why. Maybe because he brought this feral street cat himself and maybe feels responsible for him, not because he cares, obviously, but because his father gave him a task and he's got to complete it. Porsche not adjusting and just blending into another faceless, indistinguishable guard like the rest of them as easily as he should have and is expected to, means his task isn't done. He's got to put a leash on him first and then he can take his eyes off of him, is probably his reasoning.

Meanwhile, in Porsche head, he's probably annoyed that Kinn has basically manhandled him into trying on the tie. And obviously, it's so much bigger than just the tie. He's doing a job he doesn't want to do, about to go someplace he doesn't want to go (and possibly be killed) after the worst day(s) of his life, after being publically humiliated and displaced from his home away from his little brother and Kinn has been hostile to him at every encounter to make matters worse. He just doesn't want to be near him right now. In his head, he's probably like "what the fuck is going on?", "why the fuck is he so close?", "why the fuck is he in my space, I can do this myself" and so he can't really decipher why Kinn has suddenly stopped fiddling with the tie over his shoulders and is now staring at him strangely and slack-faced through the mirror. Hence, he turns to face Kinn eye to eye, jaw set, eyebrows slightly raised. He thinks Kinn is challenging him, and he turns to face him thinking Kinn is up for a fight or about to do something. Why else would he be staring at him like that? His fight instincts are rising up and are alert at the moment (Think feral cat meeting another unfamiliar, strange, and territorial cat).

In some way, Kinn's initial advantage over Porsche has shifted (him trapping in his arms and manhandling him) and is now in Porsche favor. We can see that Kinn possibly decides not examine the feeling/thought any further and basically just runs, which is very uncharacteristic for Kinn. Something has definitely shifted between them but they don't know it yet. Kinn will likely be the one to acknowledge it first whilst Porsche pretends and denys, further down the line. And considering their whole dynamic is them fighting over control over one another, we can finally see a bit of that dynamic shine through in this scene.

So I don't really understand why people are already interpreting this scene as "uwu ♡ they're so whipped/falling for each other >.< !" When I feel that there are so much layers to it than just that. After all, it's a slow burn, enemies to lovers and this is only episode 2 of 14.

Oh ALL OF THIS!!!

I definitely don't think it was googly eyes. It was... something on Kinn's part, and exasperation on Porsche's part.

[hello-nichya-here]

So what do you think about Iroh winning the popularity poll on r/thelastairbender? And that Zuko got second place? And more generally, what do you think about the consensus opinion there that Azula was born with severe, incurable ASPD & thus inherently irredeemable? Or, if she wasn't, that she should stay a villain due to some combo of not wanting to ruin Zuko's arc; to teach people that not everyone can't be saved; and/or that some characters are better as villains/let villains stay villains?

I'm not on reddit and I stopped caring about character popularity a long time ago. Honestly, that's not at a surprising result to me. And unfortunately, neither is all the bullshit said about Azula.

"Azula was born with severe, incurable ASPD & thus inherently irredeemable"

1 - Azula literally cannot be diagnosed with ASPD since she's 14 instead of at least 18. On top of that, I'm pretty sure none of the people who claim she has ASPD (or NPD, or literally any disorder that is seen as "evil") is mental health professional, so they shouldn't act like their headcanon is canon, and they DEFINITIVELY shouldn't act like it is some kind of undeniable truth.

2 - No disorder makes someone irredeemable and to say otherwise is deeply ableist. Anyone with that kind of mentality should have their opinions on redemption arcs and on metally ill characters completely ignored since all they can say is verbal shit.

"She should stay a villain so it won't ruin Zuko's arc"

*gets on a soap box and gets a megaphone* NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT ZUKO! STOP REDUCING AZULA'S CHARACTER TO NOTHING BUT ZUKO'S "EVIL" SISTER! SHE'S HER OWN PERSON, YOU INSUFFERABLE MORONS!

Seriously, these fuckers have to stop. It's okay to love Zuko (he's my second favorite character) and to love his arc, but this is downright ridiculous. Zuko is one of the main characters, yes, but he's not the center of the universe, and fans should stop acting like headcanons, preferences and even canon itself need to only exist in ways that either show him in an 100% positive, sympathetic, "I'm so special" light, instead of recognizing that no, someone who is a rival/antagonist to him isn't inherently wrong or bad, and that yes, sometimes people want to see storylines that have NOTHING to do with him (I want him to have a significant role in Azula's path to redemption, but I'm well aware that my preference isn't some kind of universal truth - Zuko's fans should try and learn that concept).

Also, this fandom needs to make up it's damn mind: was Zuko's arc "perfect", or at least good, or was it a poorly thought out part of the story that immediately looks like garbage the second you have any basis of comparison? Considering Zuko was NOT the only character to be redeemed on the show (Iroh, Jet, Mai, Ty Lee) I say this isn't about what's best for the story and its characters, but rather about some annoying fuckers who expect the character they project their own insecurities and superiority/inferiority complexes to never be questioned or not be focused on because it ruins their fantasy of pretending that they are Zuko/that he is their boy-toy.

"Not everyone can be saved"

True. And Avatar acknowledged that. That's why we have characters like Zhao, Long Fen, Hama, Ozai, the guy who killed Katara's mom... the show doesn't have a "problem" of redeeming "too many" characters, and Azula's redemption was foreshadowed in MANY episodes of book 3 - including The Beach, which is a fan-favorite.

"Let her be a villain!"

Why? Because someone on the internet is very loudly disagreeing with me on what would be the correct ending for Azula's story? I'll pass.

Also, I can't "let" her be a villain, or "let" her have a redemption arc, not canonically at least. None of the fans can do that, just like we can't bring Jet back from the dead or make any popular non-canon ship become canon. Being mad at fans because of something you don't want the actual writers/showrunners to do is fucking stupid.

"Some characters are better off as villains"

Again, true, but tell me: who decides which characters are better off as villains? The writers/showrunners? Well, Bryke doen't seem invested in Azula's redemption, but many writers that are a big reason why the show was so good, like Aaron Ehasz, not only intended for Azula to have a redemption arc, but also were already taking the story in that direction.

Should the fans decide then? Well, which fans? All of them? Well, this fandom is gigantic and is the internet, my friend. Consensus just isn't possible.

How about we follow whatever group is in the majority says we should do? In that case, we run into another problem: opinions change. Many people wanted Zuko to have a redemption arc, then were absolutely fucking done with him the second he joined Azula at the end of book 2, only to then enjoy his friendship with the Gaang. Should we write literally every arc possible for every character and let the fans vote on some website on which ones are better of as villains, heros, anti-heros, and morally grey characters? And if years later people decide they made the wrong decision? Should we retcon everything? And then if they decide they were actually right the first time? Do we retcon the retcons?

How about a respectful, minimally inteligent discussion? Sorry to break it to the anti-Azula crowd, but this is the best option and it leads to "AGREE TO DISAGREE AND NO HARRASSING OR SENDING DEATH THREATS TO ANYONE"

Conclusion

Wanting Azula to have a redemption arc or not has nothing to do with morality, psychology or some undeniable truth about what's the superior route for the story to continue. It is about personal preference, and Azula haters need to wake the fuck up and realize that Azula fans existing is not a personal attack on them, and that their bias towards her is not, has never been, and will never be anyone's problem but their own, no matter how much they lie to themselves.

[mahalshairyballs]

Moon knight headcanon/fic sort-of

On a lighter note but still following my earlier fic-headcanon, and also expanding on a previous one too.

[PT 1]

After coming back for the first time in months, Marc tells Layla

Marc 'I don't know how long I'll front tonight but I'll come back, I promises'

Layla doesn't know what to do, what they should be doing. She wants to make the most of their evening. She's just happy he's here. They end up mostly cuddling, cozy on their couch, then their bed. She doesn't stop holding his hand of the whole evening.

Marc begins to front more again. It's a difficult process all that therapy, communicating more. Marc and Steven still don't know the worst of it *cough*Khonshu still being around*cough* but they do find a certain balance, an agreement, for now.

Jake doesn't talk much about what he does outside the house. He claims it's his life, that it doesn't concern them. Steven says it does, in fact, concerns them. Marc isn't sure he wants to poke that bear at the moment. Jake tells them that he talks about it to their therapist, that should be enough. It is for now.

*** ***

Until one morning Marc wakes up naked in another bed. Another apartment.

Marc 'Wtf'

He's alone in the bed but there's someone else in the apartment

It's Duchamp

Marc 'wtf'

Marc "Steven?'

Steven 'hmmm yeah?'

Marc 'what are we doing here?'

Steven 'where?'

Marc 'here'

Steven 'oh. I don't know. I don't even know who this is.'

Marc 'that's my best friend'

Steven 'I've never met him'

Marc 'I haven't seen him in more than six months. Why are we here? Naked'

Duchamp 'good morning honey'

Marc & Steven '....'

Marc 'Jake!'

Jake 'what ?'

*Later in their innerspace*

Marc 'wtf was that? You're sleeping with my best friend now??'

Jake 'hey you told me I can't fuck Layla! A man has needs. I looked somewhere else that's it'

Marc 'did it have to be him?'

Jake 'he contacted us again, and I always found him hot so why not ?'

Of course Jake had met Duchamp before Marc even knew he existed

Marc '...no!'

Jake 'what, you're straight ?'

Marc 'yes!..I..well..I don't...that's not the point !'

Jake 'wtv 😒'

Marc 'does Layla know about this?'

Jake 'yes she knows I sleep around and she's OK with it. I'm not the asshole you think I am'

Marc looks at him suspiciously. He doesn't know if he believes him.

Marc 'I've never told anyone about...us. about our DID'

Jake 'don't worry, I know that. I didn't out us to him'

Marc '....so...'

Jake 'I'm very good at pretending to be you remember?'

Marc 'he thinks he's sleeping with me...'

Jake 'yup'

Marc 'he thinks I'm cheating on Layla with him...'

Jake 'um...yeah'

Marc '...'

Steven 'Marc. Take deep breaths!'

Marc would have to come clean to Duchamp about all this. He'd never told anyone about their disorder, not really. Steven told their therapist, and Layla had figured it out. He was really not looking forward to that conversation.

[whetstonefires]

Thank you for your comment about personality disorder stigma on that empathy vs. mirroring post. As a Probably Allistic who's dx'd Cluster B, it's always something else coming across any of the multiple #actuallyautistic posts out there that can be summarized as: "STOP painting autistic people as remorseless narcissist-psychopaths - maybe it's harder for us to express, but we DO feel our fellow human beings, and we ARE capable of love, unlike those abusive, *truly* empathy-lacking freaks!!" -

- which makes me feel very.... shut the fuck up maybe? Only *I* get to call me a loveless psychopath?? Are you aware that there exist autistic people with personality disorders and/or by-your-definition Evil Psychopath Lack of Empathy, and you've wound up and punted them under the bus as well??? Anyways it's rare for people to speak up on behalf of PD havers, and I really appreciate that you did.

Aw, thank you for the message! This is good to hear. I was pretty nervous about that post add, honestly. Disagreeing with an angry person is always scary! (For me lol.)

And once I'd edited my addition down to the essential points, having learned over time that exhaustive covering of every possible point of ambiguity etc just annoys people and doesn't really aid communication, I felt like I'd probably become so imprecise as to be rudely reductive.

But it seemed important to say! So I'm glad. To hear you found it constructive. 😄✌

Heh yeah I thought about the people in the overlap zone too but I didn't think bringing that up would do anything but sow confusion--like, I wanted to keep it clear that this was a disagreement over categorization systems and being a dick about other people's brains, and not come across as trying to like, subtext, 'hey op i disagree with your experience of autism so much i'm going to hint i think you are in fact a psychopath.' Which I do not. And also it would be none of my business anyway.

But yeah, it's like--it pisses me off. Too. The language around empathy is both inadequate and seriously in flux so it's not that I care whether people use 'the right words'--I'm suspicious of demands to use the 'right' words in order to be allowed to speak--but that sentiment rubs me the wrong way. Especially in the context of autism!

Like, I often say insensitive or clueless things because I can't model other people's mental states well enough or fast enough to figure out how it's going to sound outside my head, or pick up hints I'm 'supposed' to, or because I get so wrapped up in what I'm talking about that I forget to even try, which plays out functionally as self-absorption. Decades of practice and I'm still deeply sub-par at this.

And I've gotten so much shit for it! Both as power plays and because it's caused some real harm and hurt feelings, and those categories don't sort neatly into boxes, either. Sometimes it's both. This is just, a lot of misery associated with my deficits.

(Mostly for me but like, I'm not going to pretend my obnoxiousness is without consequences.)

But you can also see people with perfectly normal base empathy stats be just as bad, when it's someone they don't want to care about, or they're tired, or they're dealing with someone sufficiently different from themselves that their assumptions trip them up. That shit's not magic.

A bunch of times I've seen people with really high empathy stats be, like...everyone knows about the kind of asshole with high empathic perception but low reactivity who uses it for evil. That's a cliche. But you know what's not any less scary and way more volatile? Someone who's got high marks in both kinds and is furiously angry with you for making them feel bad.

Because having a knee-jerk empathetic reaction to someone's hurt when you don't feel sympathetic toward them is really annoying, and can tend to feel like manipulation even when it isn't.

It's very easy for a high-empathy person with power over others to slip into abusing those people in retribution for the pain their pain causes.

I have absolutely been punished for triggering someone's empathy reactions in a way they don't like, just by existing! It sucks! Sometimes these are people with like, strong natural empathy who haven't learned good skills for processing it etc, but sometimes it's the socially adept people who are really sweet and kind and supportive and thoughtful in like 90% of life so therefore you must deserve it, when that doesn't extend to you.

But sometimes they've just burned themselves out on the rest of the world and you're inconvenient or too much or some other disqualifying thing, so you just. Are their exception. The one they get to kick.

An empathetic person who has wronged you can go absolutely feral about making it your fault. Because otherwise they're stuck feeling twice as bad, once reactively and once in guilt.

Theoretically, ideally, this is a control mechanism that keeps people from wronging one another in the first place, that's why we link empathy and morality as much as we do, but it...doesn't necessarily work that way. Sometimes it just works out to a motive for dehumanization.

Because that's the lower-effort route to less mental pain.

...and if you're in the habit of just trusting your natural impulses to ensure you behave decently, you can develop a whole entire toxic coping mechanism down that route before you even notice you're doing anything wrong. Instinct is not a sufficient substitute for self-reflection and principle even when you're naturally blessed with good ones!

So like. My point being. That someone's empathic capacity on any scale is just a tool they have to use, that usually makes it easier and/or more likely for them to achieve pro-social conduct on a regular basis the more they've got to work with, although it does have the capacity to backfire.

It's statistically predictive, to an extent. But it doesn't actually guarantee jack shit about whether a person can or will exercise compassion.

You know?

So I feel like autism and that cluster of personality disorders are in very similar boats with excessive emphasis on...social toolsets as definitional to personhood, rather than factors affecting social cohesion etc. So when I see that kind of side-punching. Feels bad.