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aronarchy · 2 years ago

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Why we don’t like it when children hit us back

To all the children who have ever been told to “respect” someone that hated them.

March 21, 2023

Even those of us that are disturbed by the thought of how widespread corporal punishment still is in all ranks of society are uncomfortable at the idea of a child defending themself using violence against their oppressors and abusers. A child who hits back proves that the adults “were right all along,” that their violence was justified. Even as they would cheer an adult victim for defending themself fiercely.

Even those “child rights advocates” imagine the right child victim as one who takes it without ever stopping to love “its” owners. Tear-stained and afraid, the child is too innocent to be hit in a guilt-free manner. No one likes to imagine the Brat as Victim—the child who does, according to adultist logic, deserve being hit, because they follow their desires, because they walk the world with their head high, because they talk back, because they are loud, because they are unapologetically here, and resistant to being cast in the role of guest of a world that is just not made for them.

If we are against corporal punishment, the brat is our gotcha, the proof that it is actually not that much of an injustice. The brat unsettles us, so much that the “bad seed” is a stock character in horror, a genre that is much permeated by the adult gaze (defined as “the way children are viewed, represented and portrayed by adults; and finally society’s conception of children and the way this is perpetuated within institutions, and inherent in all interactions with children”), where the adult fear for the subversion of the structures that keep children under control is very much represented.

It might be very well true that the Brat has something unnatural and sinister about them in this world, as they are at constant war with everything that has ever been created, since everything that has been created has been built with the purpose of subjugating them. This is why it feels unnatural to watch a child hitting back instead of cowering. We feel like it’s not right. We feel like history is staring back at us, and all the horror we felt at any rebel and wayward child who has ever lived, we are feeling right now for that reject of the construct of “childhood innocence.” The child who hits back is at such clash with our construction of childhood because we defined violence in all of its forms as the province of the adult, especially the adult in authority.

The adult has an explicit sanction by the state to do violence to the child, while the child has both a social and legal prohibition to even think of defending themself with their fists. Legislation such as “parent-child tort immunity” makes this clear. The adult’s designed place is as the one who hits, and has a right and even an encouragement to do so, the one who acts, as the person. The child’s designed place is as the one who gets hit, and has an obligation to accept that, as the one who suffers acts, as the object. When a child forcibly breaks out of their place, they are reversing the supposed “natural order” in a radical way.

This is why, for the youth liberationist, there should be nothing more beautiful to witness that the child who snaps. We have an unique horror for parricide, and a terrible indifference at the 450 children murdered every year by their parents in just the USA, without even mentioning all the indirect suicides caused by parental abuse. As a Psychology Today article about so-called “parricide” puts it:

Unlike adults who kill their parents, teenagers become parricide offenders when conditions in the home are intolerable but their alternatives are limited. Unlike adults, kids cannot simply leave. The law has made it a crime for young people to run away. Juveniles who commit parricide usually do consider running away, but many do not know any place where they can seek refuge. Those who do run are generally picked up and returned home, or go back on their own: Surviving on the streets is hardly a realistic alternative for youths with meager financial resources, limited education, and few skills.

By far, the severely abused child is the most frequently encountered type of offender. According to Paul Mones, a Los Angeles attorney who specializes in defending adolescent parricide offenders, more than 90 percent have been abused by their parents. In-depth portraits of such youths have frequently shown that they killed because they could no longer tolerate conditions at home. These children were psychologically abused by one or both parents and often suffered physical, sexual, and verbal abuse as well—and witnessed it given to others in the household. They did not typically have histories of severe mental illness or of serious and extensive delinquent behavior. They were not criminally sophisticated. For them, the killings represented an act of desperation—the only way out of a family situation they could no longer endure.

- Heide, Why Kids Kill Parents, 1992.

Despite these being the most frequent conditions of “parricide,” it still brings unique disgust to think about it for most people. The sympathy extended to murdering parents is never extended even to the most desperate child, who chose to kill to not be killed. They chose to stop enduring silently, and that was their greatest crime; that is the crime of the child who hits back. Hell, children aren’t even supposed to talk back. They are not supposed to be anything but grateful for the miserable pieces of space that adults carve out in a world hostile to children for them to live following adult rules. It isn’t rare for children to notice the adult monopoly on violence and force when they interact with figures like teachers, and the way they use words like “respect.” In fact, this social dynamic has been noticed quite often:

Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority” and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say “if you won’t respect me I won’t respect you” and they mean “if you won’t treat me like an authority I won’t treat you like a person” and they think they’re being fair but they aren’t, and it’s not okay.

(https://soycrates.tumblr.com/post/115633137923/stimmyabby-sometimes-people-use-respect-to-mean)

But it has received almost no condemnation in the public eye. No voices have raised to contrast the adult monopoly on violence towards child bodies and child minds. No voices have raised to praise the child who hits back. Because they do deserve praise. Because the child who sets their foot down and says this belongs to me, even when it’s something like their own body that they are claiming, is committing one of the most serious crimes against adult society, who wants them dispossessed.

Sources:

“The Adult Gaze: a tool of control and oppression,” https://livingwithoutschool.com/2021/07/29/the-adult-gaze-a-tool-of-control-and-oppression

“Filicide,” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filicide

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cupcraft · 18 hours ago

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https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/joe-biden-bills-christmas-eve-b2669897.html

Extremely important to note that biden just passed the Stop Institutional Child Abuse Act targeting reform in the "Troubled Teen Industry". This is monumental and I really encourage you read more about it.

Read here: https://www.stopinstitutionalchildabuse.com/

#us politics #tw abuse mention

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allthegeopolitics · 4 days ago

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Paris Hilton is celebrating a big win on Capitol Hill after the U.S. House and Senate both voted to pass the Stop Institutional Child Abuse Act, a bill for which Hilton has been a vocal supporter that is aimed at improving protections for institutionalized youth. Hilton, who has spoken about the past abuse she faced while attending programs for troubled teens, said in a statement posted to her X page on Wednesday shortly after the bill was passed in the House of Representatives that the “moment is proof that our voices matter” and that “speaking out can spark change.” “I did this for the younger version of myself and the youth who were senselessly taken from us by the Troubled Teen Industry,” she wrote.

#us news #celebrity news #paris hilton #troubled teen industry

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pelynas · 11 months ago

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My personal Billy Lenz head canons cause he is like a fungus on my brain rn.

warnings for CSA, Abuse, neglect and child death!!!

to start with my interpretation of his backstory (this is where those warnings come in)

🩸From the moment of his birth his parents are indifferent to him as he was most likely an accident

🩸 he grows up a bit and their pretty neglectful already, but his parents start to become hostile, and act disgusted towards him when he starts showing signs of "not being right in the head" so to say.

🩸 he is basically used as his mother's punching bag when his fathers at work. Emotional and verbal abuse evolving into sexual and physical abuse.

🩸 This causes Billy to develop an extreme fear of women and as a result of this repetitive sexual abuse he's hypersexual.

🩸 His parents plan to have another child (one they actually want) and once his mother becomes pregnant, he gets moved to the attic his only contact with his parents now being when his mother comes up to take stuff out on him.

🩸 Agnes is born and the parents agree due to his unstable nature he should not be left alone with her even if he's in the attic it is too much of a risk.

🩸 cut to a couple of years later Agne's is now toddler aged able to talk a bit but still needing lots of care.

🩸 It is Christmas eve their mom goes out for some last-minute errands leaving a napping Agnes and Billy alone.

🩸 Billy creeps down to see Agnes he has probably done this before during the night he just wants to see the baby.

🩸 Agnes wakes up and starts crying confused about where her mom is and frightened seeing Billy as she does not recognise the dirty scraggly boy staring at her calling her pretty.

🩸Billy starts to panic and tries to quiet Agnes down both concerned for her getting in trouble for crying and for fear of his parents punishing him for upsetting the baby.

🩸 Billy grabs her pillow now feeling and starts to smother her she begs for him to stop she eventually goes quiet and limp.

🩸 Billy wraps her up in her blanket trying to delude to himself that she is still alive.

🩸 He brings the bundle that once was his little sister up to the attic.

🩸 Billy's parents come home at around the same time father panicking "you left Billy alone with Agnes!?" this panic spreading to both parents when they realise that Agnes is not in her room.

🩸 They call Billy down demanding to know where the baby is Billy reassures that she is okay in her relieved state Billy's mom calls him a good boy for the first and last time.

🩸 Billy brings down the bundle showing his parents that the baby is "alright".

🩸 in an emotional rage Billy's parents grab him and start to beat him and verbally berating him with more intensity than their usual filthy Billy's and other things of that nature.

🩸 They tell Billy to go back up the attic, but he instead goes into the kitchen and grabs a knife then the overwhelming impulse he has always been plagued with intensifies and he lunges stabbing his father to death his mother tries to run but gets cornered she tries to plead with him, but it doesn't work and she is also killed.

🩸 the front door still being partially open due to the parents panicking in their rush allows for the neighbours to hear the commotion they call the police.

🩸 What they find is a young delirious and bloody billy sitting rocking and singing to the cold bundle in his arms.

🩸 Billy is deemed mentally unwell and is sent to a mental institution where he spends the rest of his time.

🩸 When he turns 18, he gets moved out of the children's facility and into an adult one which is nearby the town in which Pi Kappa sig is located.

🩸 When he is 21 and it is around the Christmas season, he escapes he somehow finds some clothes so he can get out of the hospital mandated clothes.

🩸 then the events prior to and during the movie happen.

🎄🩸🎄🩸🎄🩸🎄🩸🎄🩸🎄🩸🎄🩸🎄🩸🎄🩸🎄🩸🎄🩸🎄🩸🎄🩸🎄

Yeah, sorry if that was a lot now, we can move onto the general head canons now that you have the context of my interpretation :D

🎄 He definitely has other mental health issues but something I am sure on based on my personal experience with them is that he has OCD and Autism.

🎄 Doesn't just bite his nails he devours them till their red raw.

🎄 Has quite wonky teeth and probably a good few cavities.

🎄Really sensitive to the light much prefers the dark.

🎄large areas can overwhelm him he much prefers confined spaces.

🎄has a big sweet tooth will eat candy and other packaged foods till hes nauseous.

🎄 Claude the cat has basicly become his emotional support animal Claude will come up to him when he's having his meltdowns breakdowns and other things like that.

🎄Speaking of cats, defiently more of a cat person dogs would be too loud for him.

🎄Also speaking of cat's I imagine him really really liking Tom and Jerry (I think they might have showed it as a treat in the kids institute) .

🎄He is kind of jealous of the sorority sisters the fact that they're his age living their lives normally he wants that.

🎄Simultaneously hypersexual and sex repulsed (God help him).

🎄 conflicted because he really enjoys christmas but it has such bad memories attached that it causes him to mentally spiral even worse than he usually does.

🎄as shown in one of the calls he wants to be stopped, he basicly feels trapped by his own mind and not in control of his own actions 99 percent of the time.

🎄 Has rare moments of lucidity, and after they go away he just feels worse.

🎄Desires connection with other people but feels too far gone and alienated for that to become a reality (which is my explanation for why I think he would use He/it)

🎄 Stims predominantly verbally (echolia) and physically (for example, biting and scratching himself or his turtleneck and fidgeting with his hands)

#billy lenz #black christmas 1974 #black christmas #not me actually posting original content.#black christmas (1974)

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weemietime · 2 months ago

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I just recently had cause to check my old Quora account (feel free to add me anyone, it's the source link) and I would like to put this on my blog as well because it is an important piece of information.

We all remember the memed out "stop Kony" shit, well I never stopped stopping Kony. I've been blasting this motherfucker for a decade. The question was asked:

Have child soldiers been condemned for war crimes?

The only person who has ever been convicted of war crimes that were committed while they were still a child, is Dominic Ongwen, formerly of the LRA. His verdict was returned in February 2021.

Ongwen’s case was particular - records indicate he was abducted between 9–14 years of age (his report differs from the reports of others, a common issue when dealing with early formative trauma) - but he eventually became a trusted, high-ranking member of the LRA and indeed participated in capturing children and perpetrating the same violence onto them as was done to him. He continued this for many years.

Ultimately the courts demonstrated with sufficient evidence that he acted of his own volition (as much volition as he was capable of having) as an adult. While he undoubtedly experienced fear and suffering in childhood, he was successfully indoctrinated and carried out many acts of abuse on his own, without the threat of duress, and was even known to refuse to obey orders he did not agree with.

It is an unfortunate case, regardless of one’s opinion on his character. Everyone involved in the trial acted with utmost respect and dignity. Everyone did everything they were supposed to do, and yet still did not find the correct answer. There can be no correct answer. No real accounting for justice, for every single person impacted by Joseph Kony - including Ongwen.

During the Charles Taylor trials, the Prosecutor David Crane opened the floor for any child over the age of 15 who had committed voluntary acts within an armed group. So, the 'cut-off' for what constitutes the capacity to reason as an adult was put at around 15. Crucially, however, no child was actually brought up on these charges.

Personally, I believe in prison abolition, and I believe that rehabilitation would be more effective for these children (of course, some of them will be too dangerous to reintegrate, but this is a case-by-case issue). If I had not gotten treatment at Romeo Dallaire, I would have been imprisoned and exposed to institutional violence. This would have made me more violent, and I would have exited the prison system and went on to perpetuate even more violence. Because I got therapy and community healing, because I was able to hang on to my relationship with my mom, and I suppose because of my intellect and schizoid, I wound up flipping the switch in my brain from unmitigated antisocial disaster to a prosocial human being. What flipped that switch in me was being given responsibility to facilitate a group of younger children. The adults around me realized that I would thrive if put in a leadership role, and I was able to see myself helping people. I realized that there are other ways to engage with the world than base violence. The real splinter that occurred, that allowed me to break through the brainwashing, was during a shoot-out that I was involved in shortly after my treatment ended (so it was not some magical happy ending, I did have re-occurring issues afterward). But during that event, I realized in that moment that what we were doing was wrong. I am just very, very fortunate that no one lost their life and no one was injured on that day.

If we are referring to condemnation in the broader, non-legal sense - the answer is yes. Many former child soldiers are rejected by their communities when the fighting stops.

The adults in these communities were often more afraid of the child soldiers than the adult soldiers - you could reason with an adult soldier, but children do not fully understand the value of life, and are undergoing an extreme and radical shift in their identities and worldviews while accompanied by radical violence and forced substance abuse. The reality is that during the fighting, the children were more brutal than the adults.

When disarmament, demobilization and reintegration processes occur, the long and arduous task of healing from the atrocities of communal violence must begin. 20 years ago, after the Liberian civil war, a group of children were followed by clinicians interested in evaluating the long-term psychosocial outcomes of child soldiering. For these children this was regrettably universally poor.

Many were homeless, uneducated, and addicted to drugs. Now, looking at those same children, the reports from 2022 are much different as our understanding of the law and trauma deepens and grows as a species. Many of these same children have some form of education, an occupation, housing, and are politically active in their communities.

Reintegration is a personal process. Often actions were taken that resulted in loss of life, permanent maiming/disability, witnessing cruelty, rapes, hacking off limbs, burning people alive - it does not matter if it’s a child or an adult subjecting you to this, it has a profound impact. But evidently the condemnation for their actions did not persist beyond the immediate aftermath.

These children were able to be brought back into the fold, and I think that is a beautiful thing.

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autisticadvocacy · 1 year ago

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Resolution 605 was adopted at the 2023 Annual Meeting of the American Bar Association and provides support for the Stop Institutional Child Abuse Act and similar legislation. Here are 5 takeaways for lawyers and info on how to prevent institutional abuse: https://www.americanbar.org/groups/litigation/committees/childrens-rights/practice/2023/resolution-605/

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magickfromscratch · 2 years ago

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I had two separate thoughts about good and evil while suffering from insomnia last night, and an additional one this morning. CW: Passing mention of the Catholic Church's problem with abusing children.

(1) It has been said that evil is easily defined as a lack of empathy. I'd amend this: it is a lack of compassion. Empathy is visceral. Acting with compassion is a choice. People who call themselves "empaths" are so frequently unable to de-center themselves that they wind up strengthening whatever systems of oppression they have access to participation in. Self-described empaths are so overwhelmed by feeling that they sometimes fail to listen, learn, and improve their treatment of the marginalized. Compassionate people help. Compassionate people do. It is in the doing and the helping --or at least in the refraining from being cruel or supporting cruelty-- where the ethical value lies. Compassion is a choice. Empathy is not. Fear of discomfort is the enemy of compassion.

(2) There was a scientist who said -- and I really need to track down the article -- that the problem of climate change is not really a scientific one. It is a spiritual problem. We already know what we need to do --what corporations need to do-- in order to solve the problem. But there is a cancer in our social discourse. We believe there is a line, demarcated by power (influence, money, whatever), above which we cannot punch. There is a line, and if people who exist above that line want to destroy the world, we have to let them. The attitude seems to be that if Jesus Christ wants to destroy the world, it's a part of his divine plan we can't question. As if we should not fight God Himself to protect the human species.

The problem is, once there's a line, it just keeps getting lower. What about a priest? It's ok, little child, I work for God, now pull down your pants.

What about a God-King? What about Trump? What about people who shit on golden toilets and have their own private armies? What about a parent of a gay or trans kid who's just doing what the Bible said? Having that line, at all, above which evil can be good, or good can be evil, is a corrosive influence to the moral fabric of humanity.

Good is when you help. Bad is when you allow fear to overrule compassion. And it's pretty straightforward that if there's a person, no matter how powerful, who hurts large numbers of people for their own pleasure, or to extend their own power, it is a moral responsibility for humans of conscience to band together to take them out. If God tells you to kill a member of an oppressed minority, or a helpless person, or a person you have a responsibility to nurture and protect? Turn the sword on God.

(3) Evil people thrive on moral ambiguity. If you're not certain that they're evil, you will remain passive and do nothing to stop them. You see them. You see people who are enthusiastically cruel. You see people who are responsible for what is tantamount to chattel slavery, or genocide. But because. Maybe. Possibly. I don't know. There might be. I'm not sure, but maybe I think. Nuances. And. Maybe good and evil don't exist. A large number of people who could act simply do not. Because they think they'll be "just as bad" for killing a single person as that person is for enslaving or murdering thousands.

And watch out for anyone who viciously argues that morality can't be as simple as working for a kinder world, and defeating people, institutions, corporations, politicians, divinities, who want the world to be crueler, harsher, and more oppressive. Those people LIKE THE LINE, because they dream of one day being above it.

You should be afraid of the reasons why.

#morality #ethics #religion #spirituality #philosophy #compassion #empath #empathy

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zackiswack · 2 years ago

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FAITHoc: Kent AU

It's a long post, ngl. I'm just adding more detail to Kent's backstory. Love him so much.

Kent: 24yrs - 7'0" - Gay

John: 32yrs - 6'2" - Bi (Divorced)

They have the same face, so people confuse them a lot. (or say they look like siblings) John's embarrassed by it, but Kent thinks it's really funny.

Notable things about this version of John

• John is a lot more laid back.

• John's morals are a bit more fucked up

• John hates isolation.

• John is more fearful of himself and what the cult of the second death wants to do with him.

The Duo:

Kent was forced to deal with the horrors from such a young age that he matured very early but always has that childish mischief about him. John acts way older than his age due to the pressure put on him from everyone he looks up to. They actually balance each other out in a way that makes John more relaxed and Kent more stable.

Kent is overprotective of John in a big brother way (even tho John's way older)

John won't admit it, but he likes having someone care for him instead of the other way around.

Kent likes having someone to be around to care for. He has zero self preservation before meeting John, but gets better about it once he sees how stressed John can get about it. (Kent tries to explain that he heals really fast, but John doesn't take the excuse.)

The Cult of Laetus Orcus:

(Laetus- Happy or Delighted)

(Orcus- Hell or The Underworld)

•A group of criminals who believe that Hell is a sinner's paradise.

•They worship Azazel, the devil of temptation (the serpent from Adam and Eve) and seek to bring their eternal party to the living world. (He is a separate demon than Satan in this AU. Some religions believe they are the same thing. Idk, I'm not religious :/)

• The cult of the second death worship's Satan, whilst the cult of Laetus Orcus worship Azazel. They hold equal power, so each 'Bad Ending' is based on if the duo only stop one of the two cults. (They're is a third bad ending but I'm working on it.)

•Kent ran into the cult when escaping his parents. They lured him in and attempted to use his body as a vessel.

•They used a child because they thought that it would be easy for them to sway into temptation. Because Kent's parents abuse, Kent firmly believed he didn't deserve nice things so it wasn't effective at all.

•Kent overpowered his 'temptation' and stole Azazel's power for himself. (He was in a coma, but the rescuers pronounced him dead after his parents bribed them into silence.)

•Due to rumors about the church on snake meadow hill, Kent's 'funeral' was held there so nobody would show up. Kent woke up and attacked his parents in a frenzy. (John and Lisa ran away from the church that same day, the scene being a major distraction so they could get away.)

•Kent was sent to Yale Psychiatric Institute for 2 years. His parents didn't want to get him out, so his brother took over custody and got Kent released. (DW, they are sued and put in jail. Some people from the cult or L.O. kill them because Kent was so heavily conditioned into a position that ended up destroying their whole operation.)

More soon... Maybe?

#faith the unholy trinity #faith oc #ftut #faith #faith the game #oc #love these silly little guys #john ward

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flaresanimedump · 2 years ago

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ok now that I've made my factual Ranpo post TIME FOR THE HEADCANONS IT SPAWNED.

So Ranpo being abused at the police academy.

This little wild child – who I can only imagine grew up pretty much just him and his parents in the country doing fuck all most of the day – stuck in a military institution that made him cut his hair, stand up straight, wear uncomfortable clothes, not speak unless spoken to, walk this way, talk this way. And if he didn’t he’d be punished. And he got punished a lot. Let's say it's relatively common procedure at the school to cane a student when they misbehave, which is basically all he does to a point that the administrative staff starts doing it “to build his character.” Rapping his knuckles for eating snacks, before he even talks when he opens his mouth.

Ranpo’s “people don’t like me” idea coming in no small part from the 18–30-year-olds who saw this child running circles around them and treated him like shit to make themselves feel better, so he didn’t have anyone to turn to.

And then they throw him out for being too good, really, and he’s on the street at 13 when Japanese law heavily restricts how much he can work. Ranpo was homeless and starving when Fukuzawa met him but he acted like everything was totally fine and dandy (as long as Fukuzawa didn’t try to leave of course).

Anyway Fukuzawa not finding any of this out until later. Maybe they’re interviewing an old schoolmarm for a case and Ranpo gets into something so she raps his knuckles as old schoolmarms are wont to do. And Fukuzawa expects a tantrum but Ranpo’s quiet after a little gasp of pain. But the quiet does not bring him the relief he thinks it should, it sets alarm bells off in his head.

Ranpo solves the case and as they’re on their way home he’s absently rubbing his hand. Fukuzawa asks gently if it still hurts that much. Ranpo jumps a little and drops his hands to his sides and says nope nothing wrong here, doesn’t hurt at all, just a hair too thinly for Fukuzawa to really believe him. So Fukuzawa catches up the hand in question and stops him. Ranpo’s eyes are tight and tense and he doesn’t look up at Fukuzawa so much as glance up at him without moving his head. Something is clearly wrong even if he won’t say what. Fukuzawa’s really trying to learn to handle Youths^tm and humans in general, he is, and words aren’t working, and Ranpo’s slightly hurt(?), and presented with these raw facts a solution presents itself. He brings Ranpo’s knuckles to his lips.

Ranpo’s breath catches at the kiss. Fukuzawa’s blushing a little when he lowers Ranpo’s hand, his thumb smoothing over the same spot. Ranpo’s looking at him with wide eyes (and he’s finally tilted his head back to look at Fukuzawa properly at least).

“Better?” Fukuzawa asks.

And Ranpo bursts into tears.

Fukuzawa still isn’t equipped to handle this. It isn’t the reaction he was expecting and this isn’t how it’s supposed to go right? Right?? He grabs Ranpo’s shoulder for something to do before Ranpo’s words filter into his panicking brain.

“Thank you.”

He’s not just saying it for the kiss. But Fukuzawa doesn’t find that out until later, when he’s once again given in and let Ranpo curl up in his futon and, by necessity of course, in his arms, and Ranpo tells him how they used to make the students put their hands on the backs of chairs and then crack a cane over their knuckles as punishment, or once a week just to build character, or because they felt like it.

And Fukuzawa has no goddamn idea what to do. He wants to erase them from Ranpo’s life but he can’t think of what words would accomplish that. So he tugs Ranpo closer, takes Ranpo’s other hand, already years from the pain, and presses another kiss into his knuckles. Ranpo’s breath shudders again but he doesn’t cry. Ranpo already doesn’t need words to read Fukuzawa’s thoughts. The band of Fukuzawa’s arm across his back, the weight of his hand on Ranpo’s hip, the softness in his eyes – they all say that Fukuzawa intends to keep him, to protect him. That Fukuzawa loves him.

#fukuran #ranfuku #headcanons and AUs #tw: abuse

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mic-nz · 2 years ago

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How to Deal with Bullying in Military Schools

New Post has been published on https://militarywifi.com/how-to-deal-with-bullying-in-military-academies/

How to Deal with Bullying in Military Schools

It is quite unfortunate that bullying still occurs in disciplined and respected institutions such as military academies. Social media is often the medium through which these acts of bullying are perpetrated. Some military academies have however taken the initiative by asking their students to sign anti-bullying pact or at least, address the issue through mentoring.

This helps to prevent possible conflicts in their tiny communities, but not all schools have taken this proactive approach. Parents, therefore, have a role to play and the following tips may be beneficial to students experiencing bullying in military academies;

1. Listen to your child:

It is important that you take your child seriously if they complain to you about experiencing issues with another student in school. Telling them to “toughen up” or “suck it up” may not be the right course of action. Many parents often view such situations as phases that will sooner than later pass, but most often than not, these situation persists for a long time forcing your child to endure a difficult situation for an extended period. Carefully listen to your child, and patiently discuss their situations with them towards finding a constructive resolution.

2. Take note of the signs:

For fear of being embarrassed or being unable to handle situations on their own, some kids choose not to speak up. Self-reliance shouldn’t be demanded of pupils attending military schools because bullying is an issue that the majority of people find difficult to handle. It’s crucial to keep a close check on your child’s behavior and be alert for indications of abuse, such as when they become reclusive and lonely, unhappy, or avoid activities they used to enjoy. These characteristics can all be signs that your child is being bullied.

3. Teach them to be independent:

Teach your child some strategies they can take to handle the bullying themselves if there is no risk of physical harm coming to them. This will boost their self-esteem and sense of pride and benefit them for the rest of their lives. It is fairly normal to want to protect your child by handling or fixing the problem for them, but the best thing you can do for them is to teach them the skills they need to solve problems on their own.

4. Console and encourage them:

It is crucial to prevent your child from placing the blame for the bullying on themselves. Since it’s typical for victims to occasionally blame themselves for the circumstance, reassure them that they are not to blame. Encourage them to put the blame where it belongs, on the bully.

5. Involve other adults:

It might be time to involve others if the bullying persists despite your and your child’s efforts to stop it. You might wish to schedule an appointment for you and your child to talk with the school counselor about the matter since they are present in every military school. Many have dealt with similar circumstances before, so they can give you wise guidance on what to do. If your child doesn’t wish to speak to a counselor, approach and talk to a trusted instructor about the situation.

6. Teach emotional intelligence:

Set an example for your child by acting in a way that reduces the negative feelings brought on by bullying. Explain to them how you handle intense emotions of fear, rage, or despair. This can be of tremendous assistance to bully victims, especially when they learn that you might very well react in similar ways to them in certain situations.

Conclusion

Bullying is uncommon at military schools because of the regimented environments there. However, if they do happen, it’s crucial to acknowledge your child’s emotions and collaborate with them to find a solution. In order to prevent them from feeling lonely and alone, encourage them to develop close friendships with other students. Talk to your child about bullying before it happens so that they are ready and able to handle it if and when it does. This is the most important thing you can do.

#Military #Military School

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imrix · 7 months ago

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Yeah that tracks. I got picked on when I was a lad - I say 'picked on' because in hindsight I don't know that it was serious enough to warrant being called bullying. But there's a family story that mamere talked to the school staff about it and they talked a lot of talk about how they had a zero-tolerance policy for bullying but would not, in fact, do anything about it, because they didn't want to cramp the darling children's expression.

So mamere did the right thing, which was tell them, "either you put a stop to this, or I tell my boy that the right and proper thing to do is to hit back, harder." and the teachers balked, but when mamere didn't budge it was amazing how quickly it did, in fact, stop.

There's an essay out there on the nature of bullying, one of David Graeber's, which I think is useful to read. It's a bloody long read, but certain passages stick with me enough that Point 4 above reminded me to go digging for them;

... even at [schools] that boast of their elaborate anti-bullying programs, schoolyard bullying happens in a way that’s in no sense at odds with or in spite of the school’s institutional authority. Bullying is more like a refraction of its authority. To begin with an obvious point: children in school can’t leave. Normally, a child’s first instinct upon being tormented or humiliated by someone much larger is to go someplace else. Schoolchildren, however, don’t have that option. If they try persistently to flee to safety, the authorities will bring them back. This is one reason, I suspect, for the stereotype of the bully as teacher’s pet or hall monitor: even when it’s not true, it draws on the tacit knowledge that the bully does depend on the authority of the institution in at least that one way—the school is, effectively, holding the victims in place while their tormentors hit them. This dependency on authority is also why the most extreme and elaborate forms of bullying take place in prisons, where dominant inmates and prison guards fall into alliances. Even more, bullies are usually aware that the system is likely to punish any victim who strikes back more harshly. Just as a woman, confronted by an abusive man who may well be twice her size, cannot afford to engage in a “fair fight,” but must seize the opportune moment to inflict as much as damage as possible on the man who’s been abusing her—since she cannot leave him in a position to retaliate—so too must the schoolyard bullying victim respond with disproportionate force, not to disable the opponent, in this case, but to deliver a blow so decisive that it makes the antagonist hesitate to engage again.

The first thing this research reveals is that the overwhelming majority of bullying incidents take place in front of an audience. Lonely, private persecution is relatively rare. Much of bullying is about humiliation, and the effects cannot really be produced without someone to witness them. Sometimes, onlookers actively abet the bully, laughing, goading, or joining in. More often, the audience is passively acquiescent. Only rarely does anyone step in to defend a classmate being threatened, mocked, or physically attacked. When researchers question children on why they do not intervene, a minority say they felt the victim got what he or she deserved, but the majority say they didn’t like what happened, and certainly didn’t much like the bully, but decided that getting involved might mean ending up on the receiving end of the same treatment—and that would only make things worse. Interestingly, this is not true. Studies also show that in general, if one or two onlookers object, then bullies back off. Yet somehow most onlookers are convinced the opposite will happen. Why?

A second surprising finding from recent research: bullies do not, in fact, suffer from low self-esteem. Psychologists had long assumed that mean kids were taking out their insecurities on others. No. It turns out that most bullies act like self-satisfied little pricks not because they are tortured by self-doubt, but because they actually are self-satisfied little pricks. Indeed, such is their self-assurance that they create a moral universe in which their swagger and violence becomes the standard by which all others are to be judged; weakness, clumsiness, absentmindedness, or self-righteous whining are not just sins, but provocations that would be wrong to leave unaddressed.

Here we come to a third surprising finding of the psychological literature—maybe the most telling of all. At first, it’s not actually the fat girl, or the boy with glasses, who is most likely to be targeted. That comes later, as bullies (ever cognizant of power relations) learn to choose their victims according to adult standards. At first, the principal criterion is how the victim reacts. The ideal victim is not absolutely passive. No, the ideal victim is one who fights back in some way but does so ineffectively, by flailing about, say, or screaming or crying, threatening to tell their mother, pretending they’re going to fight and then trying to run away. Doing so is precisely what makes it possible to create a moral drama in which the audience can tell itself the bully must be, in some sense, in the right. This triangular dynamic among bully, victim, and audience is what I mean by the deep structure of bullying. It deserves to be analyzed in the textbooks. Actually, it deserves to be set in giant neon letters everywhere: Bullying creates a moral drama in which the manner of the victim’s reaction to an act of aggression can be used as retrospective justification for the original act of aggression itself.

And this, I propose, is the critical human flaw. It’s not that as a species we’re particularly aggressive. It’s that we tend to respond to aggression very poorly. Our first instinct when we observe unprovoked aggression is either to pretend it isn’t happening or, if that becomes impossible, to equate attacker and victim, placing both under a kind of contagion, which, it is hoped, can be prevented from spreading to everybody else. (Hence, the psychologists’ finding that bullies and victims tend to be about equally disliked.) The feeling of guilt caused by the suspicion that this is a fundamentally cowardly way to behave—since it is a fundamentally cowardly way to behave—opens up a complex play of projections, in which the bully is seen simultaneously as an unconquerable super-villain and a pitiable, insecure blowhard, while the victim becomes both an aggressor (a violator of whatever social conventions the bully has invoked or invented) and a pathetic coward unwilling to defend himself."

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nazmulbd00m-blog · 3 days ago

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#IFTTT #Hollywood News - FNNEWZ

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xalatath · 5 days ago

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Really good news. I want to be optimistic that it will get more legislature passed.

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biographyit · 7 days ago

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Paris Hilton delights as Congress passes her 'Stop Institutional Child Abuse Act'

Paris Hilton celebrates as Congress unanimously approves ‘Stop Institutional Child Abuse Act’ Paris Hilton delights as Congress passes her ‘Stop Institutional Child Abuse Act’ Paris Hilton is celebrating an important milestone after seeing her efforts shape into a Bill. The hotel heiress, 43, took to Instagram with a 20-photo carousel post, featuring moments from her experience in getting the…

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kidnappedstars · 8 months ago

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Sorry not sorry doing another bolding what applies to me thing. Finding it very validating.

Lack of interest, attachment, bonding and positive engagement

My parent has never shown a lot of interest in what I want in my life

My parent has told me it doesn’t matter what I want

My parent doesn’t think much of my personality

There’s not many (if any) parts of me that my parent likes

My parent doesn’t do both-sided conversations with me; either I’m just a listener, or telling them exactly what they want to hear

My parent doesn’t indulge with my opinions, experiences, interests

My parent dismisses, argues, humiliates or ridicules my opinions, interests, dreams

My parent expected me to feel and think only what they feel and think

My parent dismisses, humiliates and argues opinions and feelings that in any way differentiate from theirs

My parent only spends time with me if they have to, or to use me

My parent doesn’t have activities they enjoy doing with me, we don’t have any traditions we enjoy together

My parent doesn’t approve or praise me for the work I do

My parent doesn’t show support when I’m trying to gain a new skill or experience

My parent isn’t invested in me learning and developing (except if it’s for their personal gain)

My parent makes me feel as if they’d rather not have me as child

My parent isn’t interested in giving me compliments, hugs, attention, approval or time

My parent convinced me I’m not important enough to have their attention

My parent gets angry if I want their attention

My parent blames me for wanting attention and shames me for it

I rarely or never felt acknowledged, seen, heard and accepted by my parent

I don’t feel valued or loved by my parent

Lack of protection

My parent doesn’t care if other children belittle, outcast, or bully me

My parent blames me for the getting hurt by other people

My parent thinks I should settle my problems without involving them

My parent dismisses me/gets angry with me if I try to tell them about scary or hurtful experiences I had

My parent claims I shouldn’t have gotten involved in problematic situation because it’s too much for them to handle hearing about it

My parent failed to protect me from a person who groomed me

My parent groomed me to accept abuse and neglect as normal

My parent failed to protect me from a sexual predator or harasser

My parent acted as a sexual harasser or a sexual predator towards me

My parent failed to protect me from an abusive friendship/relationship

My parent failed to be on my side after I got hurt/mistreated/molested by a relative, teacher, or peer

My parent failed to protect me from the abuse from the other parent/relative

My parent subjected me to institutional abuse and claimed that I deserved it

My parent sent me away to go thru an abusive program and claimed it was the right thing to do

My parent knew I was getting abused, and didn’t stop it

My parent acted as if they weren’t my parent while I was getting abused

My parent blamed me for getting abused by another parent/family member, and accused me of causing it

My parent doesn’t care if I get abused by another family member, as long as I don’t ask for help or speak out about it

I don’t think my parent cares for what I’m going thru

Lack of care during stress, trauma and pain

My parent rarely or never reassured or comforted me if I was upset

My parent dismissed my depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, self harm

My parent had no patience for my feelings, and didn’t pay attention to how I was reacting to a traumatic or stressful situation (moving, loss of a family member, accident, violence, trauma)

My parent preferred if I didn’t show any big emotions and would lose their patience or snap at me if I was too vulnerable or crying

My parent shamed me or punished me for expressing anger or rage

My parent didn’t take care to be gentle and warm with me when I was vulnerable or hurt

My parent didn’t offer reassurances or uplifting words when I felt hopeless or spiraled down

My parent didn’t teach me how to deal with grief, anger, shock or pain

My parent didn’t tolerate me expressing negative emotions

My parent was likely to punish me for expressing negative emotions

I didn’t feel safe showing pain or vulnerability in front of my parents

I felt that my parents found my vulnerability repulsive to see

I never felt safe confiding my true feelings to my parents, in fear of being dismissed or worse

My parent prodded or humiliated my emotions of stress, fear, worry, panic, grief or pain

I had to emotionally take care of my parents and understand how they felt if there was a stressful or traumatic situation going on

Lack of patience, kindness and compassion

My parent expected things of me that I wasn’t interested in doing

My parent set expectations for me that were not realistic for a child

My parent had no patience for me to learn and expected me to know everything in advance

My parent showed no joy in me learning, and instead berated me for not doing things good enough

My parent had no forgiveness for my mistakes

My parent punished me for making mistakes

My parent had no patience for me not understanding everything at once

My parent snapped at me or punished me for being confused or reluctant

My parent shamed me for my inexperience, lack of knowledge, lack of skill

My parent never invested a lot of patience or time in order to teach me something

My parent wasn’t interested in my growth except in how it would fulfill their expectations

My parent didn’t consider my happiness when they were setting goals for me

My parent expected me to cooperate and act happy regardless of what I was going thru

My parent made sure I knew my emotions didn’t matter if i didn’t accomplish what was expected of me

My parent made me feel like I was supposed to be a robot rather than a child

I felt like things would be better if I had no emotions at all

Lack of stability

My parent only cared for me on specific days when they were in a good mood

My parent would sometimes blow up and attack me for something I could usually do without being yelled at

My parent didn’t care if I had to tiptoe around them in fear of their rage

My parent’s rules or goalposts would change day to day; one day something was fine, another it wasn’t

My parent would sometimes attack me for not following the rules that were never made clear to me

My parent’s personality would change completely if they were under stress or influence (alcohol, drugs)

My parent subjected me to experiences of domestic violence, fighting, screaming, trauma

My parents had me witness them fighting or very hateful displays and never emotionally took care of me afterwards

I felt responsible for their domestic situation and worried I was the cause of fighting

My parent used to love me at some point when I was a child or successful in some area, but as the situation changed, their feelings changed, and I felt it my fault they stopped caring

I worried I was doing something to cause my parent to not love me anymore

I felt I was not worthy enough for my parent to feel any love towards me

I could never be sure what to expect out of my parent, and it caused insecurity and anxiety

My parent spent a big chunk of their life away from me, not keeping consistent contact

My parent disowned me, or disowned me for a certain period of time

My parent spent weeks/months/years completely unavailable to me

My parent hid my existence and made me feel like I was a shameful secret they kept

My parent had a life that I was never a part of and wasn’t allowed to come close to it

Lack of acceptance and threat of abandonment

My parent compared me to other “preferable” children to tell me what I should be like

My parent showed no interest to accept my personality, or my identity the way it is

My parent made it clear I will be punished if I act like myself

My parent argued against my plans and goals and tried to convince me I would never make it

My parent made me feel as if if it would be better if I didn’t exist

My parent convinced me it’s a crime for me to exist as I am

My parent made me feel as if I’m the least important family member, and the family could do (or would do better) without me

My parent told me they’d prefer if they didn’t have me

My parent threatened to kick me out

My parent threatened to abandon me

My parent threatened to put me into an orphanage or a home

My parent called or threatened to call the authorities on me

My parent threatened they’d leave me to to fend for myself without teaching me how

My parent made me terrified of being alone

My parent made me feel like I will always, no matter what I do, end up all alone

Have I been emotionally abandoned by my parents?