#stinky insane beans

[acidd-rock]

(never ever posted anything on tumblr ever)

Stupid silly art of oc currently on my mind i NEED THEM OUT OF HEADDD

Blood warn for 2nd drawing

i have no idea how this works brrr

[ms--lobotomy]

confessing because i pray to god that this is a safe space: i'm so down bad for typhus it's unreal. it's like the sicarius fleas but ten times more deadly and ten times more gross. he's a big nasty boy and i NEED to be bred by that man (something something all nurgle followers have breeding kinks because of the endless cycle of life and death thing). what is it with me and the stinky ones. i'm going insane. idk if i can be defended.

Seeing this ask after the last ask was an experience, let me tell you. This is a safe space of course, I love a good breeding fic myself! Maybe when requests open again in ten million years because my brain is full of jelly beans, I can indulge. Or sooner, if I get the fleas myself! 🥰

[fartfinder]

It was the beginning of a new school year and all you could think about was seeing all the hot jocks every single day. All of last year you had stayed after school to secretly watch them practice football. You did this with every sport. The basketball boys were some of your favorites because they all knew you were a giant perv. Last year you volunteered to be the basketball team manager since the football team was full. The amount of farts you had to smell were unreal. This one boy especially made you his personal target. His name was Conner Millikan. His dad was one of the main football coaches and his mom worked in the office. He was a beautiful specimen. 6” 5 and 235 lbs of hunkiness. His ass was big enough to swallow 10 basketballs and more. He also had a meaty gut covered in dark brown hair that hung out of his shirt more times than not. He mostly spent his time shoveling food down his throat and belching and farting in my general direction. I was his target for the rest of the year. Sometimes he would stay after practice a little late. And one day I Decided to figure out why, so I made my way to the locker room. As I walked in I was instantly hit with the stench of jockstraps and cum all mixed with hot shit. Then all of a sudden it sounded like someone blew up. It was Conner in the stall taking a massive dump. Ffffflllrppppppppp.

“God damnnn”! He proclaimed. “I ate too many beans last night”.

Last night was the team bonding at the coaches house with all you can eat everything. The coach was pretty well off so he made sure his team ate like Kings.

You were so mesmerized by the sound of Conner shitting that you forget this was real life. All of a sudden he erupted from the stall and tackled you to the ground. He started shoving your head into his arm pits, you resisted the urge to lick the hot stinky crevice. He started spanking your ass and calling you a dirty fag.

“Your such a dirty little cunt, suck me off fucker”!

“No please Conner, I’m sorry I...I don’t know what I was thinking, please don’t make me”.

“None of the girls wanna do it cause I stink to much”! He said. “They come into my room and see my shit stained undies and my pissed covered jock straps and they bolt, but you won’t go anywhere piggy hahaha”! The rest was so foggy only because Conner shoved you so far into his ass crack that you couldn’t feel your nose anymore. He would feel a fart coming and force it out as hard as he could. That’s when he finally forced out a really wet fart and it was all over your face. He didn’t stop there he put his dick in your face continually jerking it and coating you entire existence in thick salty straight boy cum. That’s when he left you stranded on the locker room floor to soak in his stink. Leaving the school that day was hard because it would be a whole season until you got to go back and hopefully get in good with some of the jocks. But before you left you set up a hidden camera in the locker room that could record the football team over the summer when you couldn’t be there. The first day back at school back you were so excited. You finally got to check the camera. You rushed down in the morning to the locker room to check the camera and see all the hot jocks shitting and farting around each other for a whole summer straight. Walking into the locker room you instantly became hard. The boys at this school were absolutely HUGE slobs and so were the coaches and it showed. The coaches room was separated from the main locker room as well as the showering hall. Each area was a different kind of dirty. Coach Oram and his son Dylan were the head football coaches, both were disgusting, smelly people. There was about 7 lbs of shit covered tighty whities stacked high in one corner and about 7 jars full of cum. The coaches loved to jerk off. Both of the oram boys were insane gas machines. They always farted in the teams face as punishment for not playing well. One thing they made sure of is to keep the coaches quarters stocked with plenty of beans and broccoli . The perfect recipe for Giant toilet dumps and raging farts. They also implemented this with the team too.

As soon as you couldn’t find the camera Casey M came up to you.

“You lookin for somethin pervert”? He screamed.

“no uh nothin”. You replied afraidly.

“Alright faggot haha I know you snooped on us over the summer, we can do this the easy way or the hard way”! “The easy way is your gonna tell me the truth about being a big giant perv, or you get a one way ticket to the toilet I just took a shit in and 2 hours under my stinky butthole.

Casey was not a small guy by any means. He was a big lineman. Standing at 5’9” about 300 lbs of fat and muscle. He was very wide with an enormous ass and tanned skin from farm work. He was very masculine and dominant making him more and more enticing. Eventually you couldn’t bring your self to admit being a giant perv as well as secretly wanting to die under Casey’s ass. Casey instantly grabbed you and shoved your head in the toilet his just took a giant shit in. Your face mushed against the toilet bowl. And boy did it stink. Casey flushed the toilet as the smelly water whirled around your face and instantly became sucked into the toilets abyss. He grabbed you by your shirt and slammed you into the ground and made his bare ass comfortable on your face. His hairy cheeks spread giving me the perfect view of his unclean ass crack, and then he sat. He was straddling my face bare assed. I tried to hold my breath for as long as I could but I was already so weak at that point that in only fifteen seconds I was already inhaling his shitty butt. The smell was horrid. I was gagging immediately but I knew things were only about to get worse. "OHHH boy I feel em comin. These are going to be real bad for you bitch boy HAHAH" he laughed at me as I suffered and then he released. PHRSSTTTSSSSSSSSSGRLLLLGGRRRPHHRRPP The fart was godly. It made my face vibrate and the immediately singed my nostrils. The smell was worse than anything I had ever encountered in my life time.

PHRRRT SSHRPHHRLLRP. SHTRTTRTRT "HUFF THOSE FARTS" he yelled down to me joyously as he began to lightly bounce his bare ass up and down on my face.

“Look Casey I’m so sorry I’m a fag and I wanted to jerk off to you guys”

“Now that’s the answer I wanted to hear”! He said happily.

“Will you let me go please”?

“Lemme think....NO Hahahahaha”! “You’re gonna stay here until I’m done”. As he said this he started smacking his giant gut and ripped a 12 second wet fart that splattered the last bit of shit on your face.

At this point he’s been getting creative, so he just lightly bounces on my face, it’s like my face is being patted by his moist ass. He’s laughing the whole time but then he open his ass cheeks and rips a huge gurgley fart lasting 7 seconds. He’s still laughing and sits down. My hearing is muffled and my nose is filled with shit smell but I can still hear him chuckling. He lifts up, “You were in position at the perfect time bud”.

“I think you need a closer smell” he says. “I can smell it enou-“ im cut off again by his huge wet smelly ass rubbing around violently.

Casey finally let me go after releasing a giant belch in my face. “Get lost perv”! He screamed.

With that you left the locker room camera less and covered in jock stink. It was nearing the end of the school and you needed that camera back. So you made your way back to the locker room to make a deal. The football captain Luke sutey came up to you. Everyone on the team called him big booty sutey and that was no lie. He approached you only wearing some stained boxers with holes in the ass and crotch.

“Listen I want to make a deal” you said. “If you give me my video camera I will do anything for the team”.

“Anything haha”? Luke was thinking...

Eventually they came to the conclusion that you would be the water boy for the whole team and you’d also be in charge of other things. As well as you would have to spend the night at a different players house every night as well as get sat on my the Oram boys.

The following week it was time for the first away game. As soon as school ended it was time to load up the bus and head to the stadium for the game. It was about a 4 hour drive and you were stuck and the Varsity bus. You were hoping to sit in the front with the driver to avoid any farts or unnecessary wedgies or wet willies but it turned out that Coach Oram was the bus driver. You know if you sat by him he’d shove you under his asscrack for the whole ride. You started walking up the stairs right behind Louis W. He was know for being extremely gassy. This time was different as he was walking in front of you he let out a loud rip but it was more than a rip. Louis filled the back of his pants with shit. “Oh fuck I shit my self, oh well I’ll just let you sniff it while I sit on your face”! Louis was so cocky about beating you up with his stench. As the bus ride went on you thought maybe nothing would happen, maybe the jocks would just leave you alone.

It was about 2 hours into the bus ride and Cade Williams came up to you and dragged you to the back of the bus. “I gotta shit so bad little faggot”! “And your gonna smell and watch me”

“Please no Cade, you smell like shit”.

Maybe it was because it was shit. The bus soddenly started to fill up with the rotten stench of shit and farts. Every football player was holding there stomache whilst it was gurgling. Every football player was splattering hot farts out of there assholes. Both of the Oram boys were in hysterics, they loved bathroom humor and to be trapped in a shit smelling bus was just the thing to make them laugh. It only got worse from there. Each player brought a giant can of expired chilli with them and as soon as the stank left there ass they made sure to fuel up for more. Number 54 Casey Moddrell was the biggest player on the bus. He took up one seat and ate 5 cans of beans to himself. He and his buddies made there way through the shit smelling hallway and went to your seat. What they did next was unbelievable. Daniel Held open your mouth really wide. You started squirming and whining and eventually your dick got super hard. Konner kept breathing in air through his mouth and Belching it in your face, it was so gross that you even had food particles in your face. Eddie came up next and started to make your situation worse. He spat on his hand and started stroking your cock. It enlarged so much that you didn’t know how much more you could handle. The kept stroking and spitting and burping and and farting and you were squirming around, so confused and aroused. Now was the big moment. Casey pulled his shit stained football pants down and placed his asshole over your mouth. Now that your lips were right against his hole he could do his worst.

“Any last worlds shithead”!!!

All you could do was moan. Casey grunted and out came the loudest, lumpiest most wet sound ever. Farts started pouring out of his asshole right into your mouth. It was so bad but so good that you just let go and came everywhere. Every jock on that bus was soaked in an ungodly amount of sweat. But that didn’t stop Casey. He continued to groan as he farted down your throat. Eventually he ran dry and sealed the deal with some powerful belches. “GOD DAMN IM A SMELLY BASTARD”!! He was so proud of his accomplishment. Your body had changed drastically as well. All of the gas sat in your stomach just waiting to be released, it was the worst feeling. All you could remember was feeling nauseous, sticky and bloated. You’re gut was probably bigger than a 45 year old dads beer gut. Over this course of time you had been destroyed by the football team and the coaches couldn’t even give a fuck. For all you know they probably added to the stench themselves too. They are as equally alpha and disgusting as the team. It was halfway through the ride to the game and we stopped for an all paid for all you can eat buffet. You could already tell this wasn’t going to be good. On your way out of the bus Coach Oram stopped you.

“What the hell happened to you faggot”?

“Casey buttfucked his mouth hahahah”. Konner proclaimed.

“What a fucking loser” Oram said.

At that moment you could feel something unsettled in your stomach things weren’t feeling quite right. In that instance the gas was slipping out of your asscrack so you dropped your pants and everything spewed out everywhere. Most of it was on the Oram boys. Everybody on that bus was smothered in the same farts and you were to blame. What they did next, now not even that could be put into words..

[xx-psych0-rabbit-xx]

rating fandom affection terms for characters because i have nothing better to do

favorite character-simple, straight forward, not bad at all, but it lacks spice and a true demonstration of love, 8/10 gets the job done

problematic favorite-a great term, once again straight forward but in this case about the guy in question being acknowledged as a stinky rascal, 10/10

cinnamon roll-its ok, i was never into it bc idc for those types of characters, suffered a sad fate of eventually becoming a term associated with diminishing characters into just their "cute and pure" traits, 2/10 bc i remember it getting really annoying after a while, it being from old fandom times society wants to forget doesnt help its case

smol bean-same feelings as above, but suffered a more tragic fate that its downfall was caused by 30 years old adults attempting to call themselves smol beans, 1/10 i use smol every once in a blue moon

tol-i honestly dont think this was ever put in proper use, it was created to match smol but taller people (in fandom height standards thats anyone above 5'0) do not give off the vibes fandom people need to want to infantalize them, 5/10 for sounding a bit funny

waifu/husbando-i think someone using those to refer to any character at all should be a red flag, 1/10 someone can get more 4 points if their favorite is of age to be called that

best girl/best boy-can be a red flag but can also be used as a term for "whos your favorite from *gender*?" so it gets a mild pass, 4/10

baby boy (baby)-cute! came from a decently funny meme, 7/10 funny to scream out when youre rotating them in your brain

gay baby-im honestly convinced this wasnt used by a single lgbt+ person outside of like, maybe a gay baby jail joke, 0/10 called me a slur

rat-was funny the first fifty times, 6/10 not horrible but after a while it felt like itd meet the same fate as cinnamon roll

komaeda-i do not know how i feel about this, if its used in a conversation itll either be hilarious or be the worst attempt at making a character summary, ???/10

twink-i keep getting flashbacks to the chubby twink fight in that post about the animal crossing owls everytime i hear it, 6/10 i dont know what it means anymore

sexyman-funny term for us, slur for the characters, im confused if this is even an affection term/10

son/daughter-adorable i love seeing this get used for a character who had family issues, 8/10 just very sweet

poor little meow meow-the specific brand of irony is genius, its like watching a victorian woman throw bread crumbs at a starving orphaned homeless child, 9/10 my friend wanted to kill me for calling lancelot from king arthur my meow meow

skrunkly-meow meow but with a bigger brand of pity, truly like seeing a cat who just got out of a bath and is in misery, 10/10

blorbo-a fine revolutionary term used to fight back against angry ops their posts were getting fandom tags in the fandom app, 20/10 cured my fear of judgement

*any sexual term*-would maybe be a bit funny if you guys used it for men who actually look pretty for once, 2/10 has ironic potential

slut/whore-very funny if used in a couple of men, otherwise its just awkward 3/10

any graphic paragraph of wanting to fix a man through something such as putting them in rice-a great way to show concern but still hint at being able to laugh at them, 10/10 i tried joking about this with a friend outside of tumblr and she acted like i was insane

will update if i remember more <3

[lalaangeldust]

.・゜゜・・゜゜・．.・゜゜・・゜゜

[ 𝚜𝚏𝚠 // 𝚜𝚞𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 ] [ 𝟽𝚔+ 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜 ]

[ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ] : ᴛʜɪʀᴅ ʏᴇᴀʀ, 3-ᴀ // ᴄᴜʀꜱɪɴɢ // ᴀɢɢʀᴇꜱꜱɪᴠᴇ ᴍᴀᴋɪɴɢ ᴏᴜᴛ // ꜱᴇʀᴏ ꜱᴛᴀʏꜱ ᴅʀɪɴᴋɪɴɢ ʜ��ꜱ ʀᴇꜱᴘᴇᴄᴛ ᴡᴏᴍᴇɴ ᴊᴜɪᴄᴇ // ʜᴇ'ꜱ ᴀʟꜱᴏ ᴀ ᴍᴀꜱꜱɪᴠᴇ ᴅᴏʀᴋ // ɢᴏᴅ, ɪ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʜɪᴍ ꜱᴏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ

[ 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 ] : ᴍɪɴᴀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴇɴᴋɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɢʀᴏᴡɴ ᴛɪʀᴇᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏʙᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ ᴍᴜᴛᴜᴀʟ ᴘɪɴɪɴɢ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴏɴ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴇʀᴏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ʙᴏᴛʜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴍɪʀᴀᴄᴜʟᴏᴜꜱʟʏ ꜱᴛᴀʏᴇᴅ ᴏʙʟɪᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ ᴛᴏ. ꜱᴏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ʙɪᴛ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴄʜᴇᴍɪɴɢ, ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴅᴇᴄɪᴅᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴍᴀᴛᴛᴇʀꜱ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴏᴡɴ ʜᴀɴᴅꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ɪɴ ᴀ ʀᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ꜱᴛɪᴄᴋʏ ꜱɪᴛᴜᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

( ᴘᴜɴ ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ɪɴᴛᴇɴᴅᴇᴅ. ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴢᴇʀᴏ ʀᴇɢʀᴇᴛꜱ )

[ 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 ] : ʏᴏᴜ - ʙʟᴜᴇ // ꜱᴇʀᴏ - ᴏʀᴀɴɢᴇ // ᴍɪɴᴀ - ᴘɪɴᴋ // ᴅᴇɴᴋɪ - ʏᴇʟʟᴏᴡ

[ 𝗺𝘆𝗸𝗶𝗲'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 ] : ᴀʟʟ ɪ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ɪꜱ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴘɪɴɴᴇᴅ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀɴᴇᴀᴛʜ ꜱᴇʀᴏ ᴀꜱ ʜᴇ ꜱᴡᴇᴇᴛ ᴛᴀʟᴋꜱ ᴍᴇ ᴏᴋᴀʏ??? ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜᴀꜱ ʙᴇᴇɴ ᴄᴏɴꜱᴜᴍɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ɪᴛ ɪꜱ ɴᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜʀ ɪꜱꜱᴜᴇ ᴀꜱ ᴡᴇʟʟ (˶◡‿◡) ~ <3

ᴀʟʀɪɢʜᴛ ʏ'ᴀʟʟ, ʙᴜᴄᴋʟᴇ ᴜᴘ. ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ᴀ ʟᴏɴɢ ᴏɴᴇ- ·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

┊         ┊       ┊   ┊    ┊        ┊

┊         ┊       ┊   ┊   ˚✩ ⋆｡˚  ✩

┊         ┊       ┊   ✫

┊         ┊       ☪⋆

┊ ⊹     ┊-

✯ ⋆      ┊ .  ˚

˚✩

"Come on, come ooonnnnn," Mina groans as she tugs at your ankles.

"You lazy butt!! You can't stay in here like a hermit forever!" she exclaims with a final yank, sending you off the edge of your bed with a loud thump.

"Ugghhh, but I'm tireedddd! I spent all day shoving boxes around and reorganizing my stuff!" You grumble underneath your arm that's dramatically draped over your face.

"I know! Which you did an amazing job by the way. You truly have a talent for decorating," Mina says with a teasing undertone as she looks around your new third year dorm.

"Aaannnnd that is exactly why you should unwind with the rest of us in Denki's dorm," she says as she bends down, grabbing your ankles once again and lets them rest on her hips.

"Think of it as a dorm warming party and celebration of our last year here at this god forsaken school," Mina concludes as she looks down at you, her eyes pleading you to give in.

"Nnnnggh- Finee!" You let out a disgruntled grunt as you dramatically fling your arm off your face and look up at Mina hovering over you.

"Yay!!" She squeals as she drops your ankles and bounces on the balls of her feet.

"God, you make it so hard to say no, Mina," You say as you sit yourself up.

"I know~ it's what adds to my irresistible charm," she replies with a wide smile and a wink, to which you roll your eyes at.

"And besides, I would've been so sad and lonely without you," She fake pouts at you, sticking out her bottom lip and gives you her best puppy eyes.

"Oh please," You say as you squish her cheeks together, making her bottom lip jut out even further in a comical manner.

"Shero would'b missh'd you tooooo~" Mina muses, her words slurring together while wiggling her eyebrows at you suggestively. You gasp, tossing her head back and you cross your arms across your chest.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," You say flatly as you turn to the side, no longer facing Mina's direction. Though you can't see it, Mina is giving you a devilish look as she giggles at your reaction.

"You totally know what I'm talking about, y/n~" she hums as she approaches you from behind.

"There's no way you miss the way he looks at you all love sick with big, gross googly eyes," She teases as she throws herself on your shoulders, her cheek now squishing into yours.

"Don't even get me started on how he went gaga over your new hero costume," she giggles, a shit eating grin pressing on your cheek, "Mans was practically drooling,"

"Wha-!??" you guffaw, "He was not!!" you exclaim, growing increasingly flustered from Mina's taunting, you throw your hands on your face.

"Oh, poor sweet y/n," Mina cries out dramatically, throwing her hand to your other cheek to push your face impossibly closer to hers, brushing your hands off your face while doing so.

"Too whipped for stinky Sero to see he is infact also painfully whipped for her," She sighs as she shakes her head against yours in fake disappointment, "Tragic..."

"S-shut up before I decide to change my mind!" you exclaim, your face glowing red.

"What?? Did I lie??" she says. You open your mouth to retort but Mina's hand flies to your mouth, pressing one finger against your lips with a shush to silence you.

"No. The answer is no," She concludes in a matter-of-fact tone. Angrily, you wiggle your way out of Mina's hold and turn around to her with a flustered scowl.

"I don't know where you got any of that from, but we're just friends," you huff at her, placing your hands on your hips. Mina's hand flies to her forehead with a slap as she lets out a groan in either annoyance or frustration. Probably both.

"Oh my god, you two are so cliché it's putting me in physical pain just watching it!" she cries, "The friends to lovers troupe is getting all too real!" You roll your eyes at her as you grab your phone and tuck it into your hoodie pocket.

"Common, let's go before you make me question myself more than I already am," you say, grabbing her wrist and make your way to the door.

Mina immediately snaps out of her dramatic manner and trails behind you with a cheerful "yay!". You can't help but giggle at the way your friend's mood flipped on a dime as you two make your way out of your dorm.

[ time skip; Denki's dorm ]

You have no idea why you ever agreed to letting Mina drag you here. Your whole body tenses up and everything in you seizes as Denki calls out your name from the strip of paper he pulled out of the beanie in his hand. Your heart is beating so hard it might as well burst right out of your chest and Denki hasn't even announced who you're being paired with yet.

"It'll be fun," she said, "You'll have time to unwind," she said.

Bullshit

And you believed her! You thought you'd be playing Mario Kart with your classmates or singing karaoke! Not playing a dumb game of chance to see who's going to be trapped in a closet together for nearly ten minutes. Embarrassingly close in a dark closet, fumbling over each other as you two awkwardly shuffle around in the closed space-

You shake your head to try to get rid of your anxious thoughts, silently cursing to yourself as Denki flashes you a smirk that has nothing but trouble written all over it.

"It's ok, y/n, Loosen up. You'll be fine, I promise," Mina whispers to you as she squeezes your hand reassuringly.

You give a nervous chuckle and shoot her a look that says I'm going to kill you when this is over. Mina gives you an innocent smile in response before averting her gaze back to Denki.

"Now, let's see who's the lucky fella, or lady, who am I to judge, is to be paired with the lovely y/n~" The electric blonde announces as he makes a show of shuffling the papers in his hat.

You anxiously fidget with your fingers as Denki continues to drag on in suspense. After what felt like an eternity, he finally pulls out the cursed slip of paper. His gaze shifts between you and Mina before he sends her a mischievous smirk before announcing,

"Sero Hanta!!"

Your eyes fly to Sero sat directly across from you and you see that he's already looking intently at you. After hardly a split second of eye contact, your eyes dart away, looking at anything but him.

"Dare I say I'm jealous~ you get to have sweet y/n aallll to yourself," He cries out in a dramatically animated manner.

Your stomach drops and you let out a strained gulp and your throat goes dry. You hesitantly look back at Sero, his dark eyes still glued on you and he gives you his all too familiar grin with a cocky wink. Holy shit- you think to yourself as your breath hitches, your cheeks already blooming an embarrassing shade of pink at his action.

"Come, come!!" Denki shouts as he gestures for you and Sero to stand next to him, "This is no time to be shy now!"

Sero lets out a soft grunt as he pushes himself off of the bean bag he was lounging on, running his long fingers through his shaggy black hair. Now anxiously gnawing on your bottom lip, you approach the center of the room where Denki is standing. Your eyes fly back and forth between the loud blonde and the lanky boy but unlike you, Sero's eyes have never left you since the moment Denki announced your name. Whatever nervousness he was feeling at the moment, he was doing a damn good job at hiding it. Though you hate to admit, you can't deny his confidence is insanely attractive. The way you can practically feel his eyes on you sends swarms of butterflies fluttering around angrily around your insides.

"Come on you two!" Denki exclaims as he places his hands behind both your backs and ushers you towards his closet, "Time is of the essence and it can't be wasted!!"

"Kami, shut up or I'm gonna punch you in the nose," You say bluntly, too nervy to care or think about what you said.

Sero snickers at your comment and Denki sucks in through is teeth in response.

"Tough crowd,"

You shoot him a nasty look and Denki throws his hands up in defeat while taking a step back, leaving you and Sero right in front of his dreaded closet. Sero looks back at him and Denki gives him a big thumbs up with a stupid grin smeared on his face. Sero rolls his eyes and shakes his head before looking back at you. He slides the door open and extends a hand towards you.

"Ladies first?" He hums and you smile at his gesture, your eyes nervously shifting from your feet up to him and you bite your lip before taking his hand. Sero gently guides you into the closet before quickly trailing behind and Denki's head peaks in through the doorway behind Sero.

"Alright now, you behave, kids. Sero, make sure you use protection, I don't want a mess all on my shit," Sero punches Denki on the shoulder at his sly remark and Denki snickers, "and y/n?... You're an angel so I trust you'll keep tape face in line," he adds, slipping in a wink at you and you can't help but giggle.

Sero scoffs loudly and slaps his palm flat on Denki's face earning a dramatic "mmphf!?" from him before Sero shoves Denki out of the doorway. All you can see is Denki's arms flinging backwards before you hear a series of fumbling followed by a yelp and a loud thump as he tumbles from the force of Sero's hand. Sero with his head now poking out, looks down at Denki on the floor.

"My bad, g," Sero says behind a stifled laugh, a shit eating grin spread on his face.

"Oh, fuck off," You hear Denki grumble as he gets back up to close the closet door, "Y/n if you ever come to the realization you're too good for Sero's clown ass, just hit my line, baby," he quickly blurts out before slamming the door shut in Sero's face.

Sero flips off the door and turns to you. Now quivering with your hands covering your mouth from trying to hold in your giggles, you find yourself unable to hold back anymore and burst out laughing. Your laughter fills the closet as Sero looks at you with a goofy grin plastered on his face. Your giggles being majorly contagious, he starts laughing along with you and makes his way to get closer to you but quickly gets cut off when he trips over something on the floor. He gasps as he's sent flying forward, the only thing stopping him from collapsing right on top of you is his large hands slamming on the wall behind you.

You stop laughing, holding your breath from the shock of what just happened and you look up at Sero in surprise. He looks down at you, wide eyed at the realization that he now has you pinned underneath him.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry y/n. I didn't mean- I can get off if I'm making you uncomfortable," nervously stumbling on his words, he shifts his weight to one hand as he raises the other to rub the back of his neck, subtly averting his gaze to hide the blush creeping up his face. He starts to sit himself up but halts as you placed a hand on his shoulder.

"No, it's fine, really," you say reassuringly, "I don't think you'll be able to anyways with all of Denki's stuff scattered on the floor," you add, looking down at your feet.

Though the lighting in Denki's closet is dim, being illuminated only by a small lantern in the corner behind Sero, you can clearly see the floor is nearly completely covered in Denki's belongings that are haphazardly strewn about. The already small space only seeming smaller with the limited foot room. Not to mention Sero kabbdoning you, your bodies mere centimeters apart.

Sero huffs at your observation, silently cursing Denki under his breath. You would think his closet would be at least somewhat tidy since you guys haven't even spent an entire day in your new dorms yet. Guess that's Denki for you.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," his eyes come back up to yours, "but you're sure you're okay with this? You're not just saying it," Sero inquires. Touched by his sincerity, you slide your hand from the edge of his shoulder to the crook of his neck and you can feel slight goose bumps form underneath your fingers where your skin is touching his.

"Sero, have I ever said things just to say it?" answering his question with another.

"Hmmm, I don't think you want me to answer that," Sero teases.

You quirk your eyebrow at him. Though you are still unbelievably nervous about the unusual close proximity between you and him, you are significantly less anxious than before, becoming more relaxed with Sero's chill and goofy atmosphere. His personality has always been so inviting, it's one of his best qualities that you happened to fall hardest for.

"But seriously, we don't have to do anything if you're not ready or don't want to... Last thing I wanna do is make you uncomfortable," he says, nervously shifting on his feet. A soft smile forms on your face and your cheeks grow warm at how considerate Sero is being. Your heart clenches and you're already practically melting underneath him.

"Sero, if you didn't care, you'd already have your tongue shoved halfway down my throat by now," you reply with a light giggle, " You've never made me uncomfortable, love," you say as your voice grows softer.

You truly meant it too. Sero is one of the few people you've met in your life that you never felt you needed to put up a front for. Just simply having his presence around eases your anxieties and the time you spend with him is always relaxing. Even on that one night where he had kidnapped you from your dorm and before you knew it, you were shrieking in his arms as he swung the both of you from building to building.

A lovesick smile spreads on Hanta's face and his heart stutters at your bold statement, especially at your use of the endearing name. Although he's done a good job at hiding his nerves thus far, it's a miracle he isn't shaking like a leaf from how you're looking up at him with those doe eyes, the dim lighting reflecting on your face just right. You're the only one who's managed to put a dent in his usual chill and aloof demeanor. You make him feel a way that is so unnatural to him, a way he doubts he's ever felt before and he'd be lying if he said he didn't like it.

He clears his throat to try and shake off the nerves swarming in his stomach and starts to lean into you. Your noses now just barely grazing each other as he slides his hand underneath your ear, his thumb resting on your cheek.

"So... it's ok if I'm this close.?" his breath ghosts your lips as he speaks, his voice dipping to a low and sultry tone, "It's ok if I kiss you, right?" a slight rasp accenting his words.

Your breath catches in your throat and your heart palpitates at the way his voice pleasantly settles in your ears. Heat rises up your neck and you take a deep, shaky breath to try and calm your racing heart, completely unaware that you're making him feel just as flustered.

"Don't tease me," you say in an attempt to sound more assertive, but an unintentional whine laces your voice that undeniably turned Hanta on.

"Hm? I have no idea what you're talking about," he murmurs to your lips.

His are just barely touching yours, taking his time basking in the closeness and reveling in the way you react to his teasing advances.

Annoyed, you grip the back of his neck and shove his face into yours, your noses bumping into each other before your lips crash together. Surprised by your sudden movement, he grunts into your lips, the vibrations sending heat cascading down your spine that settles into the pit of your stomach.

But to your dismay, the kiss ends just as fast as it started as Hanta pulls away from you, leaving the warmth of his lips to be replaced by nothing but cool air. His eyes practically consume you as he slides his hand down to find its place in the small of your back.

"Dammit, y/n. I wanted to initiate that kiss," he grumbles

"You were taking too long.. and I was getting impatient," you grumble back at him, swiping the hair out of Hanta's face.

"Oh, is that so?" he quirks an eyebrow, "Am I just too irresistible? Even for a pretty girl like you?~" he purrs as he pulls you in closer to his body.

You slide your hand up the back of his neck, letting the dark tendrils of hair tangle between your fingers as you place your other hand on his chest, gently pushing it but not enough to actually make him move.

"Shut up," you whisper, the sides of your noses pressing together as you once again grow dangerously close to his lips.

"..Okay..." he whispers before colliding his lips with yours, this time more passionate than the last.

Hanta is holding onto your waist so close, so desperately, that you might as well meld into him. You sigh into each other, any tension from before melting away as Sero leans you into the wall. Overwhelmed by the sensation of having him so close, you pull away from him for air.

Hanta rests his forehead on yours, taking his time to breathe you in, sucking in every detail of this moment despite the fact neither of you can see very well through the poorly lit space. Gently letting go of your waist, his hand travels its way back to your cheek, cupping it in his palm.

"You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do that..." he says breathlessly and you hum in agreement.

"I don't think you know how long I've been wanting that," you say, mirroring his words.

"No, no. Impossible. I've definitely wanted you longer," he teases.

"Wh-? Ooooh, so it's a competition now?" you muse.

"I don't know where you could've possibly gotten that from,"

"Uh huh, cus it sounds to me that- wah-!" your cut off midsentence by Hanta gripping the back of your thighs as he hoists you up onto his hips. With your face now hovering above him, your back pressed flush against the wall, his chest presses against yours as he tucks his face underneath your ear.

"We can spend all day arguing over who wanted who first, princesa but... all that matters is that I want you right now~," He murmurs into you. His breath tickles the column of your neck, sending chills down your spine as he starts to gingerly suck on the tender skin under your jaw.

"Sero~" you sigh at the unfamiliar sensation of his lips marking your neck. He gives an amused hum, nipping at your ear lobe before raising his head to look at you. His gaze hungry, yearning for more.

"Call me by my first name, yeah? No need for honorifics anymore," he whispers before diving back into his assault on your neck.

You throw your head back in a daze, running your nails across Hanta's scalp and down his neck causing him to shiver underneath you. The way you lightly tug on his hair sends electricity through his body, encouraging his kisses to get sloppier and gradually starts to swirl his tongue on your sensitive skin. He nips at the collar of your hoodie, tugging it down as far as he can to gain more access to your skin and latches to your collar bone.

You can't help but let out a low moan as your mind goes hazy with how Hanta's lips somehow already know the spots that make you weak. You feel him smile against you, doing the exact same action that got you to make noise and squeezes the plush of your thighs.

"Ay dios mio... tú eres tan hermosa~" ( oh my god... you're so beautiful ) Hanta purrs against you, silk weaving through his voice as he licks the shell of your ear, leaving goosebumps in his wake.

"y tú suenas tan bonita..." ( and you sound so pretty... ) his hot breath brushes the back of your ear, causing you to whimper in response.

You have no idea what he's saying as he whispers sweet nothings into your ear but what you do know is that you don't want him to stop.

You grab his face to pull him away from you. Looking down at him with your eyes half lidded, you lean in and he meets you with a passionate kiss. Your breathing becomes rapid and shaky with the heat of the moment. Hanta softly swipes his tongue on your bottom lip, asking permission to deepen the kiss. Parting your lips, granting him wider access to your mouth, Hanta doesn't take a moment's hesitation as he sticks his tongue in. Tongues swirling together, he pushes himself harder against you, sandwiching you between himself and the wall, causing you to let out a muffled moan into his mouth earning one from him in return.

Hanta pulls away from you, surfacing for air as you pant against each other.

"Forgive me for being so bold but... I want to hear more of those noises you make..." he purrs, unintentionally rutting himself up against you.

"Well... maybe you should try a little harder to coax them out of me, hm?" you taunt in his ear, intentionally making yourself sound needy in hopes of riling him up a bit.

"Is that a challenge, love?" he hums and your breath hitches at the way the rasp in his voice sends heat up your neck.

"Only if you want it to be~"

Silently accepting your challenge with a low chuckle, he dives his head into the other side of your neck and starts kissing and sucking sloppily. His sudden change of pace, going from slow and sensual to hungry and passionate makes your head spin. He guides your legs to wrap around his waist and as soon as you got yourself situated, his hands fly to your ass. He squeezes and massages the soft muscle causing a mewl you fall out of your mouth.

But through the haze of your bliss, you're hit by a sudden realization that you're fairly annoyed with would rather not be bothered with right now... Shouldn't your time be up by now..?

"Hah..-Hanta..?" you speak hesitantly, a soft moan mixing with his name.

"Hm~?" he hums against your jaw.

"Don't you think our time should be up by now..?" Hanta raises his head to look at you, a shadow of an emotion you're not familiar with spread on his face. Worry? Disappointment?

"Well, probably not since Denki has yet to come barreling through the door, shrieking at us so... I think we're good on that," He says reassuringly, "Why do you ask? Do you want to leave..? ...Was I being too much?" He worriedly asks, nearly about to go into a nervous ramble.

You hold onto either side of Hanta's face, making him meet your gaze. A soft smile spreading on your face as warmth blooms in your chest from his genuine concern for you, despite how heated things were getting just a moment ago.

"No... no, I don't want to leave and I don't want you to stop. It's just- I-" you stutter on your words, trying to find the right ones to say.

"It just crossed my mind and got worried that Denki might've decided to lock us in together and... get stuck in here..." you admit.

The unreadable expression on his face washes away, being replaced with a soft, love struck expression and he returns your smile.

"There's no need to worry, cariña. ( darling ) He has to let us out sooner or later," giving your upper thighs a reassuring squeeze as he lowers you ever so slightly to make your face more level with his.

He furrows his brow, contemplating whether he should tell you what he knows or not. You look at him, his expression not going unnoticed and you give him a look, silently inquiring his worry.

"What's on your mind, love? You look upset," you ask softly. Hanta sighs loudly, silently cursing to himself before he continues.

"...I have a confession to make," he admits, averting his gaze from you. You look at him in concern, trying to keep your expression neutral before you jump to any conclusions about what he's going to say.

"I, uh- I knew we were gonna get locked in here... I wasn't in on it though..!" he blurts, "I wasn't supposed to know but Denki ended up telling me anyways. I don't know how long but... we're gonna be in here for a while," speaking quickly, he internally winces in preparation for your response.

Hesitantly, Hanta looks at you and is met by your dumbfounded expression. Your eyes wide and you start to laugh, a flurry of emotions you can't decipher rushing in.

"Y/n you're scaring me.. I can't tell what you're thinking," Hanta says, only half joking and you lean your head on his shoulder.

"Haaaa~ I'm going to kill him," You mutter, "I'm 99% sure Mina was in on it too," you groan into Hanta before raising your head back up.

"I'm afraid to ask if your mad at me or not," he says.

You look at him for a second, entertaining the idea of being upset at him but you decide against being petty.

"Hmmm, that has yet to be decided," you reply with a playful tone.

"That's a relief," he chuckles.

"Hey, look on the bright side," Hanta says, trying to change the subject, "You got to spend some time with me... and I got to make out with the cute girl I've been crushing on for a while~" he muses. Your quirk your eyebrow at him, a smile spreading on your face from Hanta's dorky demeanor.

"Mmm, she must be pretty lucky, managing to grab your attention like that," you play along.

A goofy smile tugs at his lips, sighing dreamily.

"Nah, I'd say I'm the lucky one. I never thought in a million years she'd ever feel the same way I do..." He leans his head to rest on yours and Hanta hums contently.

"She sounds pretty awesome," you jest.

"She's amazing..." he trails off and nudges you to lift your head. You look at him, his eyes staring intently into yours and you feel his thumbs brush up and down your thighs, his strong arms still holding you.

"You're amazing," he implores, his dark eyes looking deep within you.

"Hanta..." you whisper, cupping his face in your hand, feeling as if you might cry at how sappy and affectionate he's being.

You, rendered speechless and Hanta with no words left to say, you usher each other into another kiss, this one so many times more meaningful than the others. All the words you could ever say falling into the others' mouth as you exchange yet another passionate kiss. Hanta gently pulls away, not wanting to let go of you but continues to ask a question.

"Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable? Take your mind off things?" you shake your head in response.

"Just you being here is enough, Hanta," you say, planting a sweet kiss to the tip of his nose, "buuuuuut~" you continue, craning your neck to the side, examining the floor to see if there's any room for the two of you.

"Do you think there's enough room for you to sit down..? I wanna sit in your lap," you say. Hanta gives you a wide, mischievous grin before looking side to side, assessing the absolute mess of a closet underneath him.

"I'm sure I can make it work..." he hums, pressing a kiss on your lips before lowering you onto your feet.

Though the closet is narrow, there's just enough room for the two of you. Hanta turns around and eagerly kicks around the junk scattered on the floor. Once he's satisfied with the cleared space, he settles himself on the floor and pats his lap and opens his arms, inviting you in. You smile and make your way to him, sitting yourself between his thighs and you give your hips a teasing wiggle against his crotch as you get comfortable. Hanta clears his throat, trying to choke back the groan threatening to escape his throat from your movements.

"Now... where were we?" he asks in a playful tone.

"Hmmm," you hum, taping your finger on your chin, feigning contemplation before answering, "I think you were in the middle of attacking my neck, if I recall correctly," you conclude with a terrible British accent, reflecting his playful energy. Hanta chuckles, placing his hands above your hips, pulling you in closer to him.

"Ahh, yes, yes. I remember now. Thank you for reminding me, my dear," he teases, his British impression much better than your own and he gives you a sly wink that sends a new swarm of butterflies down your stomach.

You giggle, glad your able to be so comfortable with him, even in intimate moments like this. Hanta leans in and kisses your jaw.

"I love your voice so much, mariposita," ( little butterfly ) he muses, using the pet name he had coined specifically for you.

"I love when you laugh... and when you sing- regardless of whether you think you're good at it or not," he adds, assuming you'll try and retort. He moves his mouth right behind your ear, lightly squeezing your hips and drops his voice to a low husk.

"But I've found I especially love it when I can get you to moan~" he nips your ear lobe and lightly drags his tongue up the edge of your ear, causing you to shudder against his touch.

Hanta gives a low chuckle. You feel the vibrations from his throat in your chest and you lean into him, silently begging him for more. He wraps his hand around the back of your neck and pulls you in, letting out a long sigh against your lips as the two of you resume where you left off.

Eager to touch him more, you slide your hand in between the two of you and drag your fingers up his torso, his shirt bunching up around your fingers as you do so. He groans at your touch, his mouth opening just enough to allow you to stick your tongue in and swirl around his. He absentmindedly bucks his hips up against you, his mind foggy under the feeling of your magical fingers now caressing down his abdomen, your other hand playing with his dark hair. You take his movement as an invitation to start lightly grinding on him, Hanta's grip on you tightening in response and he pushes you down harder onto him. Groaning at the new pressure, he nips your bottom lip, lightly tugging the plum flesh.

Growing unbearably hot in your hoodie from your bodies rubbing together in such a close space, you stop and pull away from Hanta. You start shrug off your hoodie, revealing the spaghetti strap you're wearing underneath and Hanta looks at you like a deer in headlights. Hanta's face flushes and his pants start to tighten underneath you. With a surge of confidence, you draw out your movements, stretching out farther than you usually would and you hear Hanta swallow hard.

His eyes glued to your frame, unable to rip them off of you. A barely audible "dios mio" falls out of his mouth as he finally brings himself to tear his eyes off of you, his large hand dragging down the bottom half of his face as he throws his head to the side. You, now finished with taking off your hoodie, readjust yourself and look at Hanta as if nothing happened.

"Sorry.. I got hot," you say, feigning innocence.

So many things running through Hanta's mind, so many things he could say, so many things he could do but he bites his tongue, trying to keep himself in check as his eyes wonder, combing you up and down, drinking you in. He normally wouldn't be so affected by seeing you in a tank top, you often wear them in the dorms but this- this is something entirely different.

Hanta places his hands onto your waist and looks you right in the eyes, a certain darkness hidden in his eyes causing heat to pool inside your stomach.

"Yeah, you're really fucking hot...y eso fue realmente sexy..." ( ...and that was really sexy... ) he breaths out.

With an amused hum, you lean into Hanta, your arms sprawled lazily over his shoulders as your lips graze the shell of his ear. Hanta growing hyperaware of the way the plush of your boobs press against his chest. The way your top pulls down ever so slightly, revealing you are in fact not wearing a bra. How your soft breath fans against his neck and the way the smell of your shampoo has his head spinning. He looks away, trying his best to stay respectful. His face flushing a deep red and his breaths ridged as it grows harder and harder for him to keep his mind from cascading down a slew of dirty thoughts as his pants threaten to fully tent underneath you.

"I know~" you coo, your breath ghosting his ear, the low and sultry tone of your voice sending goosebumps cascading down his spine.

That was the thing that sent him flying out of control. Your confidence turning him on to no end, he grips your chin and pulls your face in front of his.

"Tú estas jugando con fuego, chiquita bonita," ( you're playing with fire, pretty girl ) He growls.

You gasp at his sudden aggression. You don't understand a word he's saying but the lust lacing each word sends the heat already pooling in your stomach shooting to your core regardless, making you throb in anticipation. You start grinding on him to try and relieve the tension in your core but it does little to help you. He lets out a brief moan at the sensation of your bodies grinding against each other before shoving your face into his, teeth clashing together as the two of you desperately latch lips.

"Is it ok if I touch you?" Hanta asks, his words muffled against your mouth as he doesn't even bother to pull away to speak.

You mewl into his lips, nodding against him as you grab his hand, placing him right under your boob, granting him permission to roam. He immediately cups your breast, messaging you in his large palm and rolling your pebbled nipple between his fingers through the fabric.

Wanting something to do with your hands as well, you rake your fingers down Hanta's chest all the way to the band of his sweats. Hooking your finger around the elastic band, pulling it out the smallest bit before releasing it, hitting his lower abdomen with a muted snap. He grunts at the feeling and lets out a shaky breath.

"Can I touch you down here..?" you inquire against his lips, your fingers dancing dangerously on Hanta's waistband. He grips onto your wrist, tongue still dancing with yours as he presses your palm forcefully on his clothed dick, a choked moan falling out of him as you round your wrist, making you rub his member in circular motions.

"Tú me estas volviendo loco," ( you're driving me crazy ) he groans into your lips, "Te deso tanto que me duele el cuerpo..." ( I want you so bad, my body aches ) he shudders underneath you, his kisses growing hungrier and sloppier as he gets increasingly intoxicated by your motions.

Growing more and more needy by Hanta's enticing voice, you slip your hand underneath his sweats and start palming him through his boxers. Hanta places his hand on the back of your head and shoves your face closer to his, deepening the already heated kiss and moans in your mouth.

But to Hanta's disappointment, you pull away from him. He cranes his neck forward to try and meet your lips again but you gently place a finger on his mouth to keep him from making any more advances. You pull your hand out of his pants and Hanta lets out a barely audible whine at the loss of friction while you trail your hands up to his abdomen under his shirt.

"Can I take it off?" you whisper.

Hanta looks at you, his dark eyes blown with lust as he gives you a mischievous smile.

"Of course, princesa," he purrs.

You give a content hum as you tug at his baggy shirt. Hanta helps you by lifting his arms as you slip it off of him and looks at you with admiration once you shrug it off. You run your fingers down his now bare chest, admiring his toned muscles underneath you.

"You like what you see, pretty girl?" he muses, his eyebrows raised suggestively in an attempt to tease you. You hum in response and kiss his neck.

"I think you're very handsome~" you hum softly into him and you feel his heart rate spike as your chest rests against his.

"Geez, y/n you're gonna make me blush," he says only mildly flustered.

Amused by his reaction to your compliment, knowing he's not very used to being on the receiving end of them, you continue, sliding both hands to rest behind his neck and you lift your head to look at him.

"But I mean it..." You coo, toying with the dark strands of hair on the nape of his neck, leaving Hanta as nothing but putty in your hands.

With his eyes half lidded, looking at you as if you're made of gold, he pulls you in for another kiss. Wasting no time, he sticks his tongue in your mouth, hungry for more of you. But before you could do anything more, you hear the closet door swing open.

"Surprise shawties!!! AHHHH-" you hear a dreadfully familiar voice drilling through the romantic atmosphere.

Incredibly startled and practically jumping out of your own skins, you and Hanta whip your heads to the door. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you to his chest instinctually as if to shield you, even though he's the only one shirtless.

"DENKI THAT'S WHY I SAID TO KNOCK, ROCKS FOR BRAINS," you hear Mina yell behind the door.

"What the hell Denki!?!?" you yell, your head still turned to the door and though you can't see it, you can feel Hanta giving a scary glare at Denki. Denki's face is flushed red and Mina stomps over and shoves him out of the way .

"I'm so sorry," she exasperates, "y'all continue and come out when you're ready," she finishes, waving her hand at you two without looking, in fear of seeing something she'd regret. Though, there wasn't much to see. Denki's just dramatic.

"There's no one in the room by the way! It's just us," she adds as she closes the closet door.

You sit up and look at Hanta, his arms still not leaving your waist and you see an infuriated look on his face you are not familiar with at all. His eyes meet yours and you can't help but laugh. Laugh at Denki's ridiculous personality, laugh at how Sero look genuinely pissed and just laugh at the overall situation you've been in this whole time. Hanta's hard expression quickly melts away at your giggles and despite him trying to fight it off, he starts laughing along.

"God, he's such a fucking idiot," Hanta says through giggles and laughs and you hum in agreement. You cup his face in your hand and give him a sweet kiss on the cheek.

"We should probably leave," you murmur under a giggle and Hanta groans at your words.

"Yeahhh but I don't wanna deal with Denki," He sighs, resting his forehead on yours and you agree. You two sit in silence for a moment, doing nothing but enjoying each others' presence as you think of what snarky comment Denki might have instore for you when you get out.

"Sooo... we'll continue this in my dorm?" Hanta muses, breaking the comfortable silence adn you giggle in response.

"Pfff, yeah... Yeah I'd think I'd like that," you hum in response as Hanta grabs your face to pull you into a gentle kiss, chuckling a bit against your lips.

.・゜゜・・゜゜・．.・゜゜・・゜

𝒇𝒊𝒏 . ✩

[ SORRY FOR THE ABRUPT ENDING D: I LOST INSPO AND MOTIVATION BUT I REALLY LIKED THIS FIC AND I HOPE YOU LIKED IT REGARDLESS AHHH!!! <333 ]

[monofpoke4life]

What Goes Around...

The discord I’m a part of had a Secret Santa, so here’s the zagr fluff I wrote. Please Enjoy.

"Stupid Zim! Stupid Dib! Stupid stupid field trip," Gaz growled as she hastily wiped away her silent tears. Her words echoing off the empty bathroom walls.

She shivered as she wrapped her arms around herself tighter, providing what little warmth she could for her bare upper half. Her cheeks flaming with what had happened earlier. 

Her eyes closed as what transpired just five minutes ago replayed in her head. 

She waded out into waist deep water to cool off, and to give her Game Slave a break. She was enjoying the contrast of the sun on her face and shoulders and the cool water at her waist when she heard it.

The fucking insane screaming of her brother and Zim, as they fought about who knew whatever it was they were fighting about. Rolling her eyes, she dove under, and resurfaced a moment later, content to ignore them and resign their blathering to the background as always. 

That had been her first mistake as she took the chance to subtly adjust her bikini top, frustrated that she tied it a tad too tight. She should've paid more attention, and then maybe she wouldn't be in this damn mess that she now found herself in.

Suddenly, she made her second mistake as she heard Dib's annoying screams rapidly growing closer, and turned around just in time to see Dib flying at her.

Her wide eyes narrowed as she regained her composure to briefly glare at the proud green bean, on the beach, who had just yeeted her brother in her direction.

With a sigh, she had stepped back to avoid getting crushed by Dib's average-but-fun-to-tease large head, and that's when she stepped into her third mistake. She should've taken more than one step. She should've gotten the hell out of there! But no. She calmly waited so she could taunt him about it.

However, whatever clever remark on the tip of her tongue was lost as a flailing Dib made contact with the water with a sickening slap of skin, and his hand desperately reached out to catch himself on anything he could use to pull himself up with. 

A gasp escaped her lips as she was suddenly jerked forward by her bikini top. A millisecond later, as Dib disappeared beneath the murky lake water, there was a tug, the tearing of fabric, and then weightlessness. The unsettling kind that let her know that her brother wasn't hanging on her anymore...because there wasn't something to hang onto anymore.

Her eyes squeezed shut at the part of the memory. Her cheeks burned, her throat grew tight, and her teeth ground together at the memory of her practically punching herself in the chest in her attempt to cover herself. She didn't have time to punish her brother as she took off to the closest building, the bathrooms, where she now found herself locked within.

"Fucking bullshit," Gaz snarled and slammed a fist into the side of the stall. She hated to act dramatic like one of her ditzy classmates that this was, "the end of the world," but it was! Oh it absolutely was! At least, it was to her reputation.

  Now, after this horrible incident, even if they were still scared of her, they would still snicker at the memory of the girl who flashed the lake. No matter how many beatings she gave or threats she made, her reputation would forever remain tarnished for the rest of her time at school.

"When I get out of here those idiots will pay! Not even gnats will find their entrails when I-"

Her rant was cut short as she heard the restroom door open. 

With a frown she quietly pulled her legs up to rest her feet upon the seat as she didn't want anyone to know she was still here. She just wanted to hide or evaporate into the ether. Just anywhere but there, and just forget about that day.

As the women did their business and gossiped afterwards in front of the mirrors as they primped their hair and reapplied makeup, Gaz quietly sighed and buried her face into her knees.

This was the worst day of her life, and it couldn't get any worse.

"LITTLE GAZ WHERE ARE YOU?"

"AHHH!"

"A boy!"

"This is the girl's room!"

"Get the fuck out!"

"You filthy, flabby skinned hyoomans cannot tell the mighty ZIM what to do! I shall leave when my business is done!!!"

As chaos graced her ears, Gaz groaned and gently hit her head against her knees repeatedly. Apparently things could get worse, and the dookie was going to hit the fan.

"We're getting security!"

"Begone MOPS!"

Gaz couldn't stop the snicker from escaping her lips at the misspoken meme as the door banged shut behind the pack of screeching harpies. 

As the door bounced open, and slowly drifted shut, Gaz became hyper aware that she and Zim, who was apparently looking for her, were the only ones left alone inside.

Wanting to get this done sooner rather than later, Gaz lowered her feet, straightened her back, and crossed her arms over her chest, as she growled, "What do you want, Zim?" 

At the sound of her voice, Zim pivoted on his heel, boots scratching against cement, and strutting towards her stall. 

"My reasons, Little Gaz, are my own," he sneered, as she watched his boots stop in front of her stall and turn around. Not daring to take a chance at looking at her. Smart guy. For once.

Gaz opened her mouth to say something back, but stopped as a breeze from the open window sent a chill down her spine. 

Shuddering, Gaz barely heard the sound of ruffling clothing, but she did hear the slight jostle of the stall door. Her head snapped up, and her eyes widened. There, hung over the door and held in place, was Zim's outer, magenta tunic.

"What's that for?" She growled impatiently. She couldn't believe what she was seeing, especially seeing it without an ulterior motive. Not that she didn't try to see one. However, she couldn't think of one. It's not like he planned this. He wasn't smart enough for that, especially with how hard he tried to get out of this field trip. Not to mention to have the brains to understand she'd be vulnerable in a moment like this.

It was silent for a moment, before Zim awkwardly cleared his throat.

"A soldier should not be caught without armor."

Okay...maybe he understood more than she thought.

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously before she stood up, gently yet quickly, plucking it out of his grasp.

The material wasn't so bad. This would do to fetch her things so she could properly change. Maybe she'll just maim him a bit.

However, as she began to pull it over her head, she froze at what he said next.

"I-I...Zim is sorry."

"What?"

"I threw the Dib-weasle at you on purpose in the hope that you would doom him. I did not anticipate the loss of your chest thingy."

Her fists clenched the alien material, pulling it down and into place, as she slowly inquired, "If you knowingly messed up, then why are you here? Shouldn't you be running and screaming?"

"Hmph, Irken Invaders never run."

"Then what was last Thursday?"

"...A strategic retreat."

"A very loud strategic retreat."

At that, Zim grew silent. Clearly throwing a silent fit that she had a point, Zim refused to acknowledge her statement, for that would mean admitting she, a "stinky human" was right.

She merely smoothed out the wrinkles of the sleeveless tunic, and quietly basked with a smirk upon her lips. At least something got a predictable response from him. But, seriously, what was up with him? First the tunic and now an apology? What was next?

Gaz opened the stall and Zim immediately jumped back. His back brushing against the adjacent sink. He looked back and tugged at his light-pink, long sleeved shirt to make sure it didn't come into contact with any sink water. Finding none, he instinctively wiped his gloved hands against his black leggings.

"You never answered my question, Zim."

"Eh? What question?"

Gaz took a deep breath, one arm still crossed over her chest, as the tunic, which made a nice coverup, was still quite thin.

She took a threatening step forward. Zim gulped at this, as she elaborated, "Why aren't you 'strategically retreating from me?"

At this, Zim straightened his back and shoulders, arms clenched at his sides, and eyes closed. He looked like he was ready to face a firing squad, and with the wrath she's inflicted upon him in the past, that comparison was highly accurate.

He raised his chin up high, sweating bullets, as he finally answered. "To run from you is pointless. I know no matter where I go, no matter where I hid- retreat to, you, Little Gaz, would find me despite my far superior Irken training. I came to you, sparing your pitiful human time and effort, in hopes that you may hurt me less than you normally would."

Ah. That made sense. Zim would do anything to save his own skin. 

"Turning yourself in? That's all?" She inquired with suspicious eyes and incredulous brows raised. Shouldn't he be bragging and begging for extra mercy for the "peace offering" he provided as well?

At this, Zim's eyes opened, suddenly relaxed, as he shrugged.

"Erm eh, yeah that's about it."

"Nothing else you did to escape a nightmare world of pain?"

"Nope. Nothing."

Gaz glared at him, and watched his every movement, watching for his body language to give himself away as usual. However, he just stood there, blinking owlishly at her.

Her cheeks started to feel warm, but she easily fought it down as she quickly closed the short distance between them. 

"Ow!!!" Zim yelled in pain as his hand flew up to his throbbing shoulder. Despite, "surrendering" himself to her punishment, he glared indignantly at her as she pulled her fist away.

"That, whiner, is for throwing Dib at me and causing all of this!"

Her free hand pulled back again, and Zim froze with his eyes clenched shut, expecting another hit. However, the pain never came even as he felt an arm wrap around his shoulders. He squeezed his eyes tighter as he was jerked sideways, probably to be kneed or something, and yet nothing happened except his side bumping into hers.

Zim's eyes flew open just in time to see her release him from her one-armed hug. 

He didn't get a chance to fully process it, as Gaz softly said, "And that's for lending me this. I can actually get my stuff from the buses now and change. Thanks."

"Oh, heh heh, of course. Totally did that on purpose. You may praise Zim more, Gus."

As Gaz opened the door, she frowned and rolled her eyes before she asked, "Hey, where is my brother anyway?"

"The Dib-feet? He ran into the forest when you ran in here."

She huffed. Of course he did.

However, this information made her smirk to herself, and when she opened the door, the sight beyond her made her smirk widen.

"Ya know, maybe when I find Dib, maybe I'll doom him a little extra. Just for you."

Out of the corner she watched him punch the ai as he exclaimed, "Yes! Just as I planned! Victory for ZIM!"

She rolled her eyes with a small smile at that, before she began to the long treck to the parking lot. 

Zim came to the doorway and stood, watching her go with his chest puffed in pride. 

She gave a wave as she, not even looking back, called, "Thanks again, Zimothy."

At the use of her demeaning, non-Zim name, Zim began to throw a small gremlin fit. However, he didn't get very far, didn't even get to scream or yell, as the women from before, with park rangers, swiftly approached him.

"There he is, officer! That's the little pervert who went inside the girl's restroom."

Meanwhile, as Gaz kicked a pinecone along the asphalt, she snickered as Zim's screams could be heard from off in the distance. Maybe she'd make it up to him some day, but for now, she'd bask in the karma freebie the universe gifted to her.

[trashyswitch]

Remus’s Death (spot)

After dealing with the Intrusive Thoughts debate, Logan deals with the gauze on his forehead, and seeks out revenge through childish means.

I KNOW IT’S SUPER LATE! But:

Tickletober day 11: Death Spot

Logan was washing his wound from the Ninja star with a wet paper towel. It didn’t really hurt, per say...it just annoyed him more than anything. While Logan was thankful Remus didn’t split his glasses in half, he was quite annoyed with knowing he’ll have to wear a gauze on his head for a week or so. What in his right mind, told him to throw a Ninja star at his head anyway? His impulsive temperament? His decision-making? Does he even HAVE ONE?!

“Janus, don’t you dare!” someone ordered.

“I’m not daring.” a voice (Likely Janus) mentioned.

“THEN WHAT IS THIS?!” the first person clarified.

“Acting on it!” Janus replied.

Logan’s eyebrow raised as he heard manic, yet bubbly laughter from the other room. It sounded like Roman’s laughter, but slightly more witch-like and cackly. Logan put some gauze tape onto his gauze-covered wound and walked out to the living room.

“STAHAP! NOHOHOT THEHEHERE! TOHOHOO TIHIHICKLIHISH!” Remus begged.

“Not where? Not here? Not on your ticklish neck?” Janus teased.

“CUHUHUT IHIHIT OHOHOHOUT!” Remus protested.

Remus tried to reach up and grab Janus’s hands that were behind his head. But in retaliation, Janus tickled his armpits one at a time to try and get Remus’s hands back down. “HEHEHEHEY! Ahahaharmpihihits TOOHOHO?! Ehehehevihil! EHEHEVIHIHIHIL!” Remus shouted back at him.

Logan watched in surprise. “Are you...tickling him?” Logan asked.

Janus rolled his eyes and looked at the ‘logical’ side. “NoOoOo...I’m DeCaPiTaTiNg HiM wItH a GuLLiTiNe! What does it look like, Logic?” Janus replied sarcastically.

“Ahahahaw, thahahat wohohould’ve beheen SIHIHICK!” Remus piped up as his neck and armpits were tickled.

Logan couldn’t believe it for some reason...Remus is ticklish?! Like...he’s actually ticklish! This is not even a lie! This in front of him, is proof that Remus is capable of being ticklish! Logan was losing his mind! The thing was, Logan knew that anyone could be ticklish. But it never really occurred to him that Remus could be tickled and brought into a giggly mess like this! Maybe it was because he always viewed Remus as a stinky man not to be messed with? Probably. But THIS! This opened Logan’s eyes to a brand new side of Remus: a playful, giggly side!

“Uuuuuh...Logan?” Janus asked, waving to him in slight worry. He looked like he had fallen into the void of space in pure awe.

Logan finally proved his down-to-earth status by smiling. “How ticklish is he?” Logan asked.

“SUPER ticklish! Double as ticklish as Roman!” Janus replied.

“HEY!” Roman shouted from his room.

Janus ignored him and continued to talk. “Anything specific you wanna know?” Janus asked.

Logan smirked evilly and crossed his arms. “Yes, actually…” Logan replied confidently as a revenge plot started formulating inside his brain.

Remus gulped and quickly tried to get out of Janus’s grip. But Janus was quick and had already summoned his 4 other arms to pin him back down! “Alright! Ask away, Logan.” Janus encouraged, noticing a revenge plot brewing in his head.

Logan smiled with an evil grin on his face. No one could quite believe it: His grin was more evil-looking than the cartoon Grinch’s grimace. It was HAUNTING.

“What ticklish spot makes him die of laughter?” Logan asked.

Janus’s smile dropped a little as he sensed some...chaotically villainous plots being made in his head. “You’re...not planning on killing him...are you?” Janus asked.

Remus squeaked like a mouse and tried to get out of Janus’s grip once again! “He’s gonna- HE’S GONNA KILL ME! HE’S GONNA TRY TO KILL ME!!!” Remus shouted, growing utterly terrified of him.

Logan dropped his evil grin. “Am I really scaring you that much?” Logan asked, putting on a somewhat neutral face. Janus nodded his head almost right away, while Remus slowly frowned.

“I-No! You’re n-not scaring me at all. Nope. Nadda. Not scary whatsoever.” Remus protested, trying to act confident and not at all nervous.

Logan’s smirk seemed to grow back, but not quite as threatening as before. “Oh Remus...You overestimate my power.” Logan quoted as he kneeled down to him. “I’m not gonna kill you.” Logan let him know. “But, I AM going to give you revenge for the ninja star wound.” Logan replied.

Remus’s fear started to lessen a little bit, but he still felt slight fear that Logan may increase his vengeful nature.

“So: where is Remus’s death spot?” Logan asked.

Janus smiled and started turning Remus around so he could reach his back. “Well that’s an easy one! Remus’s spot is very rare. It’s capable of making him scream! Meaning, it’s very fun to use against him.” Janus told him.

“Oh really? Do tell where it’s located.” Logan ordered with a smirk, crouching to Remus’s sitting height.

“Right on the top of his back.” Janus told him, before lightly drilling his thumb into the specific vertebrae.

“AaaAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Remus screamed, falling backwards and flopping onto his back.

Logan’s eyes widened as a big smile grew onto his face. Remus’s voice seemed to reach oprah-levels of high, before falling back into his regularly high voice for his giggle fit. “Wow! Impressive voice range, Remus!” Logan reacted.

“I agree! Never heard a note quite as high before.” Janus added.

Logan walked closer to Remus and kneeled down to find the specific spot. “So where is it exactly?” Logan asked the snake.

Janus grabbed Logan’s hand lightly and brought it to the specific spot on his spine. “Alright: push.” Janus ordered. Logan nodded and tried pushing. But, Remus didn’t really jump. He shivered more than anything. So, Janus brought Logan’s finger a little lower and let him push again. Logan pushed his index finger down-

“Now HOLD-HEHEHEEEEEEEY!” Remus screamed and shook his body back and forth. Logan giggled and repeated the action. “STAHAHAP THAHAHAHAT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Remus screamed again, kicking his feet and trying to lay himself down to cover up the tickle spot.

But Janus had wrapped his arms around Remus’s sides and kept his upper body up and his back exposed, while Logan drilled into the specific spot. It was very fun to see the reactions. “Who knew the lower neck could be so ticklish!” Logan reacted.

“PLEHEHEHEASE! PLEEEHEHEHEHEASE STAAAAHP!” Remus begged, kicking his feet in rapid fire speed.

Logan didn’t need to be told twice! He stopped his finger, retreated his hand and started calmly massaging the back of Remus’s scalp. Remus’s breathing seemed to calm down pretty quickly, and his laughter slowed down quite a bit as well. But little giggles continued to leave Remus’s mouth thanks to Logan’s scalp massages.

Logan quickly noticed these giggles and started to chuckle at him. “Another ticklish spot?” Logan asked, scratching his scalp a little more.

Remus’s giggles grew a little louder as he started curling his neck back. “Yehehehes...ahaha lihihihittle.” Remus replied.

“Awww! This is kinda cute!” Logan reacted.

“I know!” Janus reacted.

“Nohoho it’s nohohohot!” Remus giggled. “Ihihihit’s ehehehembaharassihihihing!” Remus confessed as a small blush started to fill his cheeks.

Logan shook his head. “Not really. It’s good to know that you’re capable of laughter that’s not completely manic.” Logan teased with a grin. “But I’m also glad to know you have a death spot as well…” Logan added before pushing into Remus’s upper spine with his thumb.

“WaitwAITWAHAHAHAHAHAIHIHIHIT!” Remus shouted in surprise, before falling backwards onto his back. “WHAHAHAT HAHAHAPPEHENED TOHOHO THEHE BREHEHEHEHEAK?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Remus shouted.

Logan ignored his question as his pride hit him. “Gotcha! Did I surprise you?” Logan asked with a giggle.

“YEHEHEhehehehehes!” Remus laughed.

“Perfect! That was exactly what I wanted to do.” Logan explained briefly, proud of himself for nailing the surprise.

“Funny how easy it is to scare you, Duke.’ Janus added as he lightly pushed Logan's hand away and started scratching on the death spot super lightly.

Remus squeaked and shivered at the feeling as titters and snorts left his mouth. Remus even wiggled around and squeezed his fists as he felt the giggles and laughter filling his lungs bit by bit. You could really tell this was a death spot because of how much Remus was slowly breaking from simple SCRATCHING on the spot. It was almost impossible to keep the giggles down, so he had to let out a couple giggles once in a while to make room for more.

Seeing this type of reaction, made Logan go insane. Was Remus...BEING CUTE?! Why was this so adorable?! WHO MANAGED TO TURN REMUS INTO THIS ADORABLE BEAN?! And WHERE DID THE ADORABLENESS COME FROM?! Has he always been secretly adorable under that dirty, deodorant-obsessed surface? Or did he somehow become visibly adorable just this one time? Logan had no clue. But Logan couldn’t help the smile that grew in reaction to the scene in front of him. It was just so cute!

Janus stopped being so soft on the Duke and suddenly blew a big raspberry on the deathly ticklish spot. “aaAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DOHOHOHOHOHON’T DOHOHOHOHO THAHAHAHAHAHAHA-” Remus fell right into Janus’s chest, knocking both bodies down onto their backs like dominoes. Janus was laughing at Remus’s reaction as he tickled his neck, while Remus curled and struggled to push his tickly fingers away.

Logan giggled as he watched. It looked like the two of them were best friends just playing around with each other. It was overwhelming and adorable to see. “How long have you two been friends for?” Logan asked.

Janus paused the tickling and looked at Logan with a slightly childish grin. “At least a decade or two. We’ve stuck together for a very long time.” Janus replied.

When Remus could talk, he sat up excitedly as well. “Yeah! We’ve been best friends since we could cause havoc inside Thomas’s brain!” Remus added happily.

Janus giggled. “You’re not wrong about that…” Janus mentioned.

Logan giggled a little at Remus and Janus’s chaotic energy together. “You two are like the Lector and Graham of Thomas’s brain.” Logan explained.

Janus smiled widely. “Like, Hannibal Lector and Will Graham from the Hannibal series?” Janus clarified.

“OOOOH! Like the lovestruck gay couple filled with murder and empathy all in one?!” Remus asked. Then, Remus leaned into Janus and let out a sexy growl towards him.

Janus’s face flushed with red as he awkwardly looked away. Logan giggled at that and smirked.

He pointed at Janus. “The empath,” Then he pointed at Remus. “-and the cannibal.” Logan told them.

“Hm...sounds about right.” Janus reacted.

Remus gave Logan’s shoulder a push as he laughed and looked at him. His smile soon slightly fell as he looked at the gauze-covered wound on his forehead. “Hey...Logan?” Remus asked.

Logan tilted his head to the side. “Yes Remus?” Logan replied.

“I’m sorry I hit you with the ninja star earlier. I wasn’t really thinking. I was more in a prideful mood, but...I presented myself a little too much and went overboard. So, I’m sorry for hurting you.” Remus told him.

Logan smiled and felt his own wound. “It’s alright. It’s kind of funny now.” Logan reacted. “Do you wanna see the wound?” Logan offered.

“YES!” Remus shouted back.

Logan removed his bandage for a few seconds and showed Remus his Ninja star wound. Remus turned into full on examination mode and practically worshipped the wound! He summoned a magnifying glass to see the scabbing, he counted the little drops of blood that were seeping out, and Remus even looked at the deep transition from the skin to the dark wound.

“WHOOOOA! This is INCREDIBLE! I wanna see more!” Remus declared before summoning a scalpel.

Logan yelped in surprise and pushed the weapon-armed hand as for from his wound as possible. He put the gauze back on and stuttered as he tried to speak. “Uh- n-no. Please no. No way. Don’t-don’t do that.” Logan begged him.

“Okay. Fair enough.” Remus replied and unsummoned his scalpel.

It didn’t take long for Logan to start hanging out with Remus more. He gave Remus tips on his Goretober drawings, helped him put together special effects visuals and even helped him come up with descriptive words for his smut fanfictions!

But the one thing Logan managed to nail, was his role as matchmaker! Logan managed to get Remus and Janus together as a couple, and somewhat shipped them on the side. As a way to thank Logan, Janus and Remus invited Logan to be their third wheel in a lot of events, carnivals and road trips. While Logan was slightly hurt by the position, he did love the idea of being accepted and invited to social events. So, as long as Remus accepted his death spot as a tickle-worthy spot, Logan would accept his new third wheel status.

[jungshookz]

ahhhHHHHHHHHH ANIMAL WHISPERER!TAE WHERE U HAVE A CAT THAT LIKES TO ESCAPE AND ONE DAY U CATCH TAE JUST CAUSALLY TALKING TO UR CAT AND UR LIKE ??????? BUT HES CUTE SO U LET IT SLIDE

🐱pairing; kim taehyung x reader

🐱genre; animalwhisperer!taehyung, cATS!!!, i don’t really know what genre this falls under but there’s a cute kitty involved sO fluff?? 

🐱wordcount; 3.7k

🐱what to expect; “you have the highest quality cat food sitting right in front of you and you haven’t even given it a lick.” “mew.” 

🐱note; i had to scroll so far down to find this message aLso this is proof that no matter how long ago u sent in a request i a) have it written down because i cheRISH every request sent in and b) will probably get to it someday!! i thought this was a cute idea and i just wanted to write something silly so i hope it is at least somewhat entertaining!! also i’m not too sure what the original source of the gif is but i found it off this page :-) 

                                                 ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

“meatball! meat-“ you pause immediately when you realise you must look like a crazy person shouting ‘meatball’ up and down the block

you clear your throat when you notice someone a block and a bit ahead turn back to look at you

you turn to look over your shoulder before giving the stranger a shrug and an expression that hopefully translates to ‘i, too, have no idea what’s happening’ and not ‘i was the one screaming meatball because i’m INSANE’

the friendly smile drops from your face when the person turns back and you let out a little huff

where the friG is your cat

here is a quick history of how meatball rolled into your life (heh)

in your first year of university there was this event that took place during finals season

and you usually aren’t an event person just because you hate the idea of having to talk to other people and having to function like a normal human being

but this - well, you had never been to an event like this before

it was basically where little kittens were going to be brought in from adoption shelters and people would be able to play around with them as a form of relaxation and a de-stressor from the chaos of exams

your parents neVer let you keep a pet as a child and now that you were on your own you had to seize the opportunity to finally play with some kitties!!!

“hey hey-“ jungkook (he’s this guy that lives on your floor and he thought youR room was his room but luckily you cleared that up) ((also he won’t leave you alone so you guys are friends now?? apparenTly)) nudges your side and you turn to look at him

there are like six cats on him??????

there’s literally one trying to get on top of his head

“i’m drowning in-“

“if you say what i think you’re about to say, i’m going to kick your aSS-“

jungkook rolls his eyes playfully and you turn back to return your attention to the little kitty you were playing with

this one was the smallest one out of the whole group anD he’s the only brown one!!

and in your opinion he’s the cuTEst one

he’s a british shorthair kitten and he’s basically a tiny ball of FLUFF

if you had to describe the particular shade of brown then you’d have to say he’s kind of like a mix between dark and milk chocolate

anyways you’ve been playing around with him for the past 20 minutes (he likes swatting at your hand and nipping at your fingers) and you never thought you’d say this but you feel like you were meant to find this cat

or maybe it’s the stress from exams that’s making you think you have some kind of spiritual connection with a tiny kitten

either way you.,,. you feel like you.,.,. want to adopt this cat.,,

…and based on the thought that you and this cat were meant to find each other, the next thing you knew you were signing adoption papers and buying waY too many supplies for him 

luckiLY pets are allowed in the dorms as long as they’re smol and not stinky and not going to disturb anyone

you got in a teensy (a lot) of trouble with your parents when you called them and told them that ‘yeah exams were fine and also i adopted a little kitten and i made this friend but he’s kind of weird so i’m not sure if i’m going to keep being friends with him-‘

your mom was piSSED but your dad couldn’t have cared less as long as the kitten didn’t disrupt your studies

so yeah

you got to keep the cat!

you also got to keep jungkook because he would come over every day just to play with the kitten

at first you wanted to be funny and give it human name

kevin

steven

maybe even albert  

because you thought it’d be hilarious if someone asked you ‘so do you live alone?’ and you’d respond with ‘no i live with kevin’ and theN when they find out that kevin is a cat it’d be a hoOT

but then you thought about it for a little while longer and a little harder and you realised that it wasn’t going to make you seem funny

it was going to make you seem… lame

like veRy lame

so then you switched over to the generic cutesy names that only a 9 year old would be able to come up with

bean

cocoa

mocha

peanut

cinnamon  

thinking about it now you were probably super hungry when you were in the midst of coming up with a name  

what else did you come up with

buttons

mr. meow

mr. bean

killer

gus!

(gus was definitely at the top of the list because he kind of resembled the tubby little mouse from cinderella)  

“are you enjoying dinner…. walnut?” you’ve been testing out names for the past fifteen minutes but so far nothing’s been sticking

“mew.”

“yeah, i don’t like that one either.” you mutter and scratch out the name on your notepad “…kitty?”

oh coMe on

F- for creativity AND F- for effort

no-name blinks up at you and you raise a hand in defense “don’t look at me like that. i’m desperate here!”

also

you’re sitting on the floor eating your dinner because you thought it’d make the kitty more comfortable

he actually hasn’t touched his food at all

he’s kind of just been poking at it with his nose but maybe he’s just not used to this brand of cat food?

you twirl some spaghetti around your fork slowly while keeping an eye on him

…

…

ok he’s still not making a move to eat anything

“you have the highest quality cat food sitting right in front of you and you haven’t even given it a lick.” your brows furrow in frustration and you drop your fork with a clank

“c’mon, look at that. yummy!” you reach over to push the bowl closer to him

“mew.”

you watch as he hops over his bowl before lifting a front leg and pawing at one of the meatballs on your plate

it rolls towards you and you stop it with your fork

“hey, that’s not for you.” you shake your head and nudge him away gently

luckily he’s pretty small so it doesn’t take you much effort to push him away

you keep holding your hand out as a barrier to keep him from getting to your plate as you use your fork to split up one of your meatballs

“mew.”

and then you notice how intensely he watches you as you bring the chunk of meat up to your mouth

you pause right as it touches your lips and his little tongue pokes out

you swing the fork side to side and watch as his eyes ping-pong back and forth

huh

“you are a very strange kitty.” you mutter under your breath as you watch him practically inhaling his cat food

after a loT of effort (and a lot of hand washing) you managed to shape his wet food into tiny little blobs that somewhat resemble meatballs

and once you presented that to him he immediately started to scarf it down as if he was starving

“little meatballs for a little meatball.” you snort as you pick at your dinner

and then you perk up

heY

how about meatball??

“hey, meatball-“

“mew.” he responds to that name almost immediately and tilts his head before licking his lips

well

there you go!

meatball is kind of a cute name

“…unbelievable that you rejected gus but you like meatball.”

anyways

that was almost three years ago which is crazy to think about

meatball has now grown into a chonky young man (his new year’s resolution is to drop a couple pounds) and he is 100% your bestest friend in the entire world

when he was younger he was a little more playful and a loT more out of control

he would scratch up your curtains and your couch and would hop up onto the kitchen counter while you were cooking which was verY dangerous

he would cry in the middle of the night for hours on end and he wouldn’t stop until you came out into the living room to sleep right next to his cage

when your friends came over he would hiss at them (jungkook still has a little scar on his cheek from that time he tried to kiss meatball and ended up getting swiPed at)

but now he’s a little gentleman!!!

and in some ways he acts like he’s the man of the house and his main purpose is to protect you even though you’ve tried to explain multiple times that the toaster is a friend and not an enemy

when you leave for classes he’ll make himself comfortable on the window sill and just chill there until you come back

when you’re cooking dinner he still hops up onto the counter but instead of coming near the stove he just lays down at the end and watches you

when you’re doing work he likes to sit on your lap and watch your fingers fly across the keyboard

and when you’re lying in bed he curls up on the pillow right next to you even though his perfectly good bed is waiting for him at the other side of the room

when you went through your first breakup you were a mess for the whole week in which you just couldn’t stop crying but the one thing you remember about that was that meatball did not leave your side for one second

he even insisted on chilling in the bathroom while you showered which you thought was kind of weird but he would scratch at the doors if you didn’t let him in lolz

but the one thing he hasn’t outgrown?

the fact that he escapes the apartment at least three times a week

somehow he figured out how to push the latch on the window?? and then he just hops out onto the fire escape?? and he’ll disappear for several hours?? and then he’ll come back and act like everything is fine??

the first time he did that you FREAKED out because you thought he was gone forever

you were in the middle of putting up ‘missing cat’ posters around the neighbourhood when you felt something swat at your ankle

and when you looked down

there he was

“where have you beEN????” you bend down to swOop meatball up and he mews before leaning forward to lick your nose

and after the first time you swore you would never let it happen again

but then it happened again

and again

and again

and here you are

three years later

and it’s happening again

but this time it’s a little different

usually when he disappears he comes back within the same day

but he disappeared last night and now it’s the late afternoon of the neXt day and he still hasn’t come back

you left the window wide open overnight and you placed a dish of his favourite treats on the window sill which honestly was not a great idea because you attracted a lot of creepy crawlies that were certainly noT meatball

when you woke up this morning you saw a RAT poking at the food and you nearly had a heart attack because you thought it was going to jump into the apartment

luckily you spooked it off when you let out an ear-piercing scream that probably woke up the entire building

“do you think i should file a missing person report?” you let out a sigh as you slowly make your way down the block

you have your phone sandwiched in between your ear and your shoulder as you dig through your backpack to pull out meatball’s favourite squeaky mouse toy

“i think the cops would laugh at you if you filed a missing person report for your pet cat.” jungkook snorts in response

“but he’s been gone for like, a whole day!” you give the mouse two squeaks before pausing and taking a look around

nope

no sign of meatball

“i’m sure he’ll show up eventually like he always does. son of a- c’mon, man, we’re on the same team!!!!”

you caught jungkook at a bad time because he’s in the middle of a video game session but he stiLL picked up the phone because he thinks of himself as a good friend

which he is!

in fact you guys have never had any difficulties

…well

except that one time you guys got into a mini argument over something silly which then snowballed into a bigger fight (and to be honest you’re still not entirely sure what he was upset about but you feLt like you had done/said something wrong?? but you never asked him what it was?? because you didn’t want to upset him even further???) which then led to like three months of awkward tension and every time you talked to him it seemed like everything you said would offend him so you eventually just messaged him less and less and you were kind of bummed about it because it felt like he was distancing himself and that he didn’t want to be friends with you anymore and you had no idea how to make things go back to the way they were

but eventually you got over yourselves and made up and everything is FINE now

ahem

…what were you talking about again?

“but what if he doesn’t? …oh, god. what if he’s dead? the coyotes got to him. oh my god.”

“…i’m not even going to try and play along with tha-“

“oh my god, he’s here!” you nearly scream in excitement when you see meatball sitting at the front steps of the apartment building with a stranger “someone found him- i’ll call you back, kook-“

you hang up and shove your phone into your pocket before picking up the pace

“thank god, there you are!” you drop to your knees as soon as you get to the steps and usuaLLy meatball will happily pounce onto your lap but instead he hops up onto the stranger’s lap

okay

FINE

be like dat

>:-(

“thank you so much- “ you look over at the stranger and your eyes widen a little bit

woW

his hair is red

like RED red

but you know what

you are not one to judge

after all, you named your cat meatball

but if you look past the horrifically red hair

…he kinda cute

and then you realise you’ve been staring at his face for a suspiciously long period of time so you quickly snap yourself out of it

“where did you find him??” you reach over to pet the top of meatball’s head while the stranger continues to stroke down his back all the way to his tail

“he was actually on my fire escape. i have a cat too - her name is pearl - and i guess your little friend here has a crush!”

“oh, is that why you’ve been disappearing so much lately?” you coo gently and reach over to boop meatball’s nose

he purrs gently and his ear twitches

“thank you, by the way. for finding him-“

“i couldn’t have done it without him!” the stranger laughs lightly and scratches behind meatball’s ears

your brows knit together in confusion for a split second “what do you mean by that?”

“well, i asked him where he lived and he told me he lived here. he wasn’t sure which floor so i thought it’d be best if we just waited outside for you. i’m taehyung, by the way. you can also call me tae if you’d like. i’m a pet psychic and meatball here is quite the chatterbox!”

…

…

wha-

?

what did he just-

what?????

you didn’t catch his name because you’re stiLL processing what he just said to you

he asked meatball, your cat, where he lived.,,. and meatball, your cat, told him that he lived in the building???

and he’s like.,,. an animal whisperer?? or something??

what did he say his name was?

he’s cray?

…he sure is

no sane person would dye their hair elmo red and no sane person would talk about an animal as if they could communicate to humans

after a couple seconds of silence you immediately burst into laughter and you end up startling both meatball and elmo

“good one!” you wheeze and wipe a single tear from your eye “yeah, that was a good one. meatball toLD you that he lived in this building-“ you interrupt yourself when you burst into giggles again but you trail off slowly when you realise that you’re the only one laughing and that meatball and taehyung are both staring at you blankly

taehyung looks down at meatball and meatball looks back up at him before meowing

he immediately stifles a laugh before clearing his throat

wait a minute

what was that interaction

did meatball just talk smACK about you

“what was so funny??” you raise a brow and give meatball a little glare

“meatball apologised to me on your behalf.” taehyung scoops meatball up and hands him over to you

you take him gently and cradle him in your arms before leaning down to give the top of his head a little welcome back kiss

“apologised for wha-“

“for being a moron.”

your mouth immediately drops in offence and taehyung raises his hands in defence “his words, not mine!”  he laughs lightly as he gets up from the steps and dusts the back of his jeans off

“how do you expect me to believe you? i could just as easily say i’m some kind of animal whisperer-“

“-pet psychic-“

“-and claim that i have the ability to communicate with meatball, too!” you lift meatball up so that you’re looking at him dead in the eyes “meatball, do you wanna take a nap or do you wanna get a snack?”

“mew.”

“and that means he wants to get a snack.” you huff smartly and neaRly miss the sight of taehyung rolling his eyes

he’s used to this mockery

usually people are meaner about it but uh

you’re just being an idiOT about it

(but like,,.,. in an oddly endearing kind of way.,,.,.)

“actually, he just wants to snuggle right now.” tae shrugs and your heart immediately melts in your chest

“…you do?” you look down at meatball and he leans up to lick your nose

aw

:’)

“by the way, i don’t think i got your name?” taehyung holds the door open for you and you give a little nod to say thanks before stepping in

“oh, sorry about that! completely slipped my mind. i’m y/n.” you smile lightly and stick your hand out a little underneath meatball’s butt to shake taehyung’s hand

the two of you step onto the elevator “tenth floor, please.”

taehyung hits the button for the fifth floor and the tenth floor

wow

meatball really travelled down five fire escapes to get to his lady friend

he refuses to move when he’s lying on top of the remote for the TV but he’ll travel five flights of stairs

“so, y/n, we should probably get together for dinner sometime soon.” taehyung keeps his gaze forward as the elevator doors slide close

your eyes widen in surprise and you feel your cheeks heat up a little “wha- i’m sorry?”

“you know, for the cats.”

oh right

you forgot that taehyung was literally craZY

you snort and let out a little chuckle “for a second i thought you were asking me out to dinner, not my cat-“

“well, why not? we can have dinner in the living room while the cats get to know each other out on the balcony-“

��wait, you’re telling me we’re giving up the balcony to our cats?!” you gasp before shaking your head “aLSO what makes you think i’d wanna have dinner with you anyway??”

“cats have the ability to smell our pheromones, did you know that?” the elevator dings on the fifth floor and the doors slide open

“yeah, sure, but what does that have to do with anything?” you scoff as taehyung steps off

he turns around and you definitely don’t miss the way his eyes scan over you

,.,.ok but like that’s hot

you will nevER admit that watching him do that made your heart skip a beat

“it means that you don’t have to tell me that you want to have dinner with me, because your cat just told me that on your behalf.”

“mew.”

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

drabble tag

[inconspicuoushorn1blog]

Ok so this shit is making me insane. You guys ever cooked with goose fat? It be stinky. Cassoulet is great but also some heavy as shit dish filled with beans and every scrap meat you can get your hands on. It's anti regime, fuck your shit up. Those beans will make you fart your guts out for 2 days straight.

What type of sick power move is this, Nicky? Your american new friend has barely met you and you're cooking stinky gas provoking nasty ass cassoulet. Poor nile has been eating bland ass american rationing in Afghanistan for the last few months. Mskina. She's gonna die of it. Asshole.

absolutely losing my mind that this bit after Joe gets back from the supermarket got cut

[autonomousbosch]

Absurdity

Someone asked aloud what person he would like to become and my answer was to pick something that is funny. 

A couple of years ago, though I guess four is more than a couple, I was hot off the heels of having a small business collapse due to a string of robberies and was thinking about what I should do in the future. I figured that I had a lot of options, but maybe it was time to do something that I thought was funny.

I hadn’t gone to college, I hadn’t been on a date, I hadn’t even lost my virginity. I was definitely doing something with my life, playing death metal shows and writing for a bunch of different outlets here and there but I didn’t think much of the future. Not even sure what prompted me to do it.

One day I thought it would be extremely funny to stop being morbidly obese and become insanely strong. I worked really hard in pursuit of a joke and it worked out, I am currently insanely strong. I am on the doorstep of deadlifting twice my bodyweight five times in a single set. I spend a lot of time totally dissociated from this because there’s a lot in it to think about, but it remains true and grows even more incomprehensible at an ambient level as I am still actively strength training. Currently I am obsessed with the very clear, present feeling that my delts and lats are beginning to take up more space in the same shirts.

It didn’t really stop there. When I was in the middle of this transition, I was in bed one day and saw a picture of an insanely strong man safely carrying a gorgeous cake hoisted atop his head across a body of water. I thought it amusing, I thought it would be extremely funny if I did the same. After a lot of trial and error I got to experience the reality of pulling a galette de rois from the oven. Gazing upon a cracked surface from a steam vent that was too small, I decide that I love my retarded son anyway and make him as handsome as I possibly could. The result was hundreds of people seeing it, many people telling me that it was gorgeous when all I could see was the unsuccessful first attempt at a complex pastry (though a wonderful recipe for home made puff). 

I thought it would be funny to be an insanely strong person who grows bonsai trees and purple bush beans, who teaches himself how to fish by making the fishing implements by hand. I thought it would be hilarious to be someone that hasn’t much of a taste for French culture but masters that cooking anyway. It seemed like such a very good bit to be a man who knows nothing but eventually comes to be capable of a lot simply because most failure is not that deep a risk. 

Tonight I got pulled into some new DM group and introduced myself, just trying to be polite. People were telling me that they have admired my cooking for ages, that they were really touched when I read the Stinky Cheese Man out loud in Discord that one time. They wanted to know how my bonsai tree was doing, what I was going to garden this year, if I could give them tips on a good workout routine.

I am a fundamentally absurd person. 

[sugvrpink]

Chels,   ( @thotmess )

This year’s been rough, for so many reasons. But no matter what’s happened, I know you’re there for me and I hope and pray you know that it’s vice versa. Pandemic is stinky, and I hate it. And I hate greedy corporations maybe a little less, but still a considerable amount. But I hope that you’re happy-- you, thriving, beautiful, gorgeous, wonderful, etc. You’re a jewel to the world and I’ll never let them crush you.

I love you, so much.

The book is honestly just pretty, and like-- table decor? It looked super fancy and who doesn’t want to look super fancy all the time? Plus it’s wine, like hello. 

The dress is just hot, and I know I could never pull it off, but it’s silk and lush as hell. Your body in that dress though, would be so ridiculously banging and I’ve thought it for months and I’ll love to prove myself right, haha.

The candle’s just a cute little zodiac moment, and they’re all based on the element when it comes to scent, which your’s is: “Tea Tree, Lemon, Amber, Cedarwood, Patchouli, Clove, and Tonka Bean.” I was not emotionally prepared for that mix, but honestly, I really, really like it. And I hope you do, too! If it’s not a great scent, then it’s cute AF decor!

... the Teddy Birkens are just. So ridiculous. And honestly, so insanely comfortable that it’s kinda insane. But I think that Kevin would hate every second of them, and that just makes me love them even more. It might be a little extreme ‘cause like, Florida. But the things we do for fashion. 

The necklace ‘cause you’re just a femme Goddess. Every type of woman I wish I could be, even when you’re lounging in your sweats and feel anything but.

The cooler bag I figured was something fun for the beach, or if you go on a hike-- a way to keep drinks cool without having to carry around something large and cumbersome. Plus, it’s a cute color. I filled it with some bouj drinks I know you like, so please partake.

The hat... I had to. That’s it. That’s all. I literally had to. Thank you.

And the necklace, to continue tradition. Forever my Anna.

I wish I could’ve bought more and more, but when I went into the Prada store-- girl. That was dangerous. But fortunately, there’s many more birthdays and Christmases where I get to bury you in presents and tell you how good, kind and important you is.

I love you, so much.

Merry Christmas, Nat.

[mommydropthemic]

What does love look like: My Birth Story

Uncomfortable, scared pregnancy = Uncomfortable, scared birth.

 THE SHITTY PREAMBLE

I ate a “strata” at church made of cheese, hamburger, and breadcrumbs. This was the birthing cocktail I needed, apparently. I had a ton of loose stools, just like last time with the birth of my first child, around 12 pm when I returned home. Like last time I kept wondering: Is it early labor? Is it cheese? Is it both? I have a way, a knack, of alienating Western/ polite/civilized? people with my love/non-fear of discussing the body. Foreshadowing the momentous coming of our second child, reminded by our best man Jeff at the wedding, that I introduced this knack to my future husband the first night we met by showing him my foot corn. (According to Jeff who introduced us, Jasen’s response was of compassion). I’d not kept it 50% then in matters of body, and the thing about birth is, especially home birth, you have no choice but to keep it 100%-120%. So a big memory for this birth is shitting all over the place. On the couch, on the way to the bathroom, perhaps a little bit made it into the toilet?

 Everything’s a blur, but I do remember this birth being more painful than my first. Samuel has a bigger body than Ruby (though she had a larger head). I had also alienated my kind stay-at-home white-guy-writer-dad-neighbor Jeff, because the last month of pregnancy I was so damned hot and uncomfortable — the day Sam was born it was about 90 degrees (which is anathema to any typical Seattleite and I’ve been one since my birth in the mid-80’s)—I would lay in bed, pregnant as all hell, naked in our room which is adjacent to neighbor Jeff’s house separated only by a few feet, a chain link fence sparsely lined with trees. In my mind, he was an innocent white guy enjoying the side of his house, walking and whistling as he might, then the sight of my distended-bellied, uncomfortable naked body splayed out right next door made him uncomfortable. You might note that I didn’t exactly intentionally do this, but we are cash-poor and lazy with completely ineffectual heavy blinds that are perpetually hanging halfway open, the cord tangled on one side, the other cord half-cocked—it’s a damn mess.

Anyhow, I think we both noticed each other, him uncomfortable with my naked pregnant (Asian-- does that factor in?) female body; me uncomfortable with being caught naked by my neighbor or uncomfortable with his uncomfortableness.

All this is to say, WHAT DOES LOVE LOOK LIKE?

My patient Jasen wiped my shit-pouring ass without hesitation. Be it the garbanzo beans I’d had just before I was sure it was labor-labor and not pre (that is “false”) labor, or leftover strata hanging out in my gut even after the 12 pm loose poops.

Love looks like...

Jasen wiping my bottom and throwing away the pee pee pad.

Wayne, Carol, Caryn, Cate, Ed, Mom, and Dad watching Ruby while Jasen rushed home to fill the tub.

Dana and Melissa telling me between my confused afternoon poops to call Midwife Jenn.

Midwife Jenn and her husband Don ditching their anniversary plans to see the Terra Cotta Warriors to go home and be on standby for labor. Of course it was their anniversary; last birth was my midwife’s son’s birthday, the only day she took off all year, and also Thanksgiving. I make auspicious children.

Jasen fighting me tooth and nail (“you’ll take control of house organization out of my cold, dead hands”) to work against my scattered frugal instinct to present the clean, organized house of my dreams. This is still a work in progress, naturally (it’s out of my cold, dead hands).

Brandi, supporting and videoing and being present for the birth.

Ben sacrificing his pay so we could have more.

Alice with her surreptitious gardening and then being able to watch Ruby; looking for castor oil in my disorganized ass house while I just laid my fat naked ass on the couch; purchasing a curtain rod to protect Ruby from her playful self; and a sustained hunt for apricot juice.

Nate being available to watch Ruby

Vicki bringing delicious food when I was starving.

Emily, Charles, and Michaela making pre-celebratory beer with me for Samuel’s arrival.

Jess, Porter, Harper, Etta, and Patrick watching Ruby during the birth and being willing to watch her overnight.

Alpha insurance broker from heaven!

In summary, an army of love for a successful birth.

And, Melissa. Dear Melissa. You set up the birthing tub with Jasen; gently chastised Jasen to go be with me when he was not; and carefully took down the tub—full of poo, blood, baby-birthing-juices, it was tinged red with floating debris, ah, the floating debris. By the final pushes I was definitely disturbed by said floaties in the tub. Based on Ruby’s birth, I thought there wouldn’t be shit, but following a pregnancy of weird shits, and a new baby with weird shits, it is not a surprise.

1) IMMANUEL CHURCH STRATA. Uncomfortable as fuck. Moving from pews to the back of the church with carpeted stairs. Pastor asked if baby dropped, she could tell the baby’s position had changed. Whoops, we couldn’t tell.

2) LOTS of uncertainty. For weeks, I’d been thinking, it’s gonna happen early, it’s gonna happen, I have uncomfortable contraction-like feelings, but they go nowhere. We wake up, no baby, womp womp. So what was to make this day any different?

    hottest day on record

    Jenn and Don’s anniversary

    friend Beth’s daughter Evie’s birthday

    two days before due date.  

 3) After much consternation looking for apricot juice (Alice tried PCC, nope), we had a lemon verbena, castor oil German-midwife-induction-cocktail ready to go and I was trying to decide what was a more auspicious day to coax my baby into existence—6/27 or 6/28, but we didn’t need it. Huzzah!

 4)  On the one hand, the birth was harder, scarier, uncomfy, I was more tired (from taking care of Ruby). On the other, we were MORE PREPARED THAN EVARR.

    A) Therapy

    B) Supplements-nutrition-visiting the doctor

    C) Acupuncture

    D) Birthing class, though we were snooty about it—I was sad for our culture begetting scared women afraid of their bodies, Jasen was snooty about our first birth.

    E) Talk to peers

    F) Talk to Ruby. A LOT. Every night.  

    G) Relationship class

    H) Total Pelvic Recall

    I) Massage. Vag therapy advice + massage

 Based on our most trying year and a half, mine personally and also as a couple with a postpartum mood explosion of some sort (a total-mama-meltdown) I needed to ensure this time around, that the insanity, and post-insanity HAZE of the first and second years of Child One’s life was not repeated or at least not as devastatingly so. So far, success.

 This time:

our finances are less stable

    we are delinquent on rent

    we were fighting about the tub. The $250 tub (my vag, not yours, homie).

    we almost lost our insurance.

    we almost had our water shut off.

an anonymous donor stepped in and helped-they covered the global midwifery fee, the tub, all of it. Ho-ly-shit.

I didn’t do my kegels as much--first, benign neglect, second, on purpose (on advice of my white Vag lady, i.e. vagina guru physical therapist).

my goal of Sammy not fucking up my periurethral area: MET!

birthtub: MET!

confronting J with my shit (though not in the tub): MET!

I am one lucky lady. And my children + hubby are lucky motherfuckers.

I was nervous that the coochie pads weren’t made—we had several, but not many—didn’t need ‘em!

We are at 6.4 weeks post-birth, and my vag + bod, other than being too hot and too stinky, are feeling on the up and up.

GOD BLESS IT. GOD BLESS ALL THE LOVES. IT WORKED OUT. Out of $? My mom shows up with $20. The credit card. (Countless) people feed us. People are patient. People understand.

*The End*

[bolts-bows]

7 Healthy And Fun Camping Activities For Kids – Camping Fun ... Bakersfield

Free printables, yay!!! Wind Chime Hand-painted and decorated by all of the kiddos this wind chime will add some appeal and music to your campground - Renting a Trailer. Grab some string, paint and craft rings here. Can are FREE!Bubble Station Outdoor camping is the best place for bubbles! No need to fret about bubbles spilling all over the house, either, because you use a genius plastic drink dispenser like this one!.?.!! So here is a simple and economical DIY recipe for a bubble station.How to Make a Compass By utilizing a few products you already have around your house.Firewood Structure Obstructs Before illuminating your campfire, let the kiddos stack the fire wood initially. Let them use their imagination prior to setting all of it a blaze!Bean Bag Toss This is such a cute DIY video game for camping with kids. Toss it in a bag and use it.

over once again. Grab some beanbags here!Target Practice Nerf weapon and empty toilet paper tubs comprise this simple camping activity. Bring enough glow sticks for each player to shine this glow gear would be a great option.Ring Toss Conserve a few paper plates a camping miracle for this Do It Yourself video game for camping with kids. Little hands can build this game with very little help - Rent a Trailer.Camping Charades Charades is a fun, simple, and creative way for kids to play and captivate themselves and you. This is a terrific concept for a group of pre-teens and teens and all you require are 2 foam bats and some tennis balls. Pipe Ball Game Bring some ping pong balls and some red solo cupsand you've obtained a fun game for the kiddos!Tin Can Lanterns Let each little camper make their own little lanterns to hang.

85+ Fun Family Activities To Do While Camping In Wi Los Angeles

around the camping site. Overall success! The entire household enjoyed shooting marshmallow all over the backyard. These little shooters are making their way into our camping box.Water Bottle Bubbles An enjoyable way to recycle some of your empty water bottles.Pony Bead Lizard Tutorial Arts and camping craft time! So if you need a little quiet time, this bead project will keep their minds active and thinking artistically. Remember to pack some dice and you'll have everything you require for this fun camping game. Do you ever get the feeling that you've forgotten something as quickly as you go out on the roadway for a big trip? There are so numerous things to do whileoutdoor camping, you require to be organized and prepared so you can actually enjoy it! Don't fret, these concepts will assist. ensure you have actually got everything you need to make your outdoor camping activities and adventures a success!Things to Load for Camping/ List With many things todo while outdoor camping, ensure you do not forget anything with this free printable checklist!Keeping Things Organized Terrific pointers from other camping with toddlers! All of us gain from each other, ideal? This girl has got it down!Portable High Chair Keeping the baby out of.

the dirt enough time to consume can be a battle while camping with toddlers. Treking is among the very best outdoor camping activities for kids. Each kid has their own water and brings it around on their back. This is a fantastic way to keep their hands complimentary and make sure everyone has plenty of water.Shower Cap Shoe Cover Kids tend to get really unclean camping. So all of your outdoor camping activities will be more fun if you don't have unclean outdoor camping gear. There are numerous remarkable families out there, however few are brave enough to take their children, toddlers, and kids outdoor camping. We live and discover and these gals have a lot of tips to share to make camping with kids much easier for everyone. I was pretty satisfied. They are instilled with baking soda to keep the stinky diaper smells down, and truly helped between treks to the dumpster. The dispenser part was fantastic when fumbling around in a dark tent!Naptime When it comes to a baby schedule, things can really get insane when camping. However, the fire can be hazardous and tempting to a small child. Keeping them safe can be a difficulty. Kate offers 4 really fantastic ideas for keeping children and toddlers safe by the campfire. Also when you simply need to set the baby someplace safe for just a minute, have a look at this portable activity station!.?. !! Confronting Bedtime Intimidations While Camping: Camping with kids can be really challenging and the scariest part is when the sun goes down. When empty they make great.

Backyard Camping Ideas With Kids During Covid-19 — Life ... Kernville

camping baby tub. Renting a Trailer. Babies get so filthy when camping!These hacks, pointers, and concepts for camping activities are going to make your next household camp-out a walk in the park! Or a walk in the woods In either case! So have a look at these things to do while camping that will make your time unforgettable and fun.

So utilize these camping with kids hacks!Pocket Tacklebox Everything your kids require for a quick trip down to the streamall in an Altoid tin!.?.!! Little and light best for kids camping!Random Camping Tip So random? Yes. Super handy for camping with kids? Yes! 10 Tips for Fall Outdoor Camping with Toddlers Camping with kids in the cold has it's own set of obstacles. When breakfast time happens make some of you family's preferred designs with the easy to put ketchup bottle. Upcycled! Homemade Nautral Bug Spray Oh, bugs !! If there is a bad thing about camping it would have to be the bugs. Here's a DIY recipe to keep those little animals off of your kids!Sage Fir Bundles Keep the mosquitos away and make the entire camping area odor splendidly. Did I discuss camping with kids can get kinda dirty?Ouch Pouch Bumps and scraps will occur while outdoor camping. Here is whatever you need all involved one cute package.Shoe Organizer Cooking area Organizer Keep the camping site arranged and clean with all of the cubbies in an over-the-door shoe organizer!.?.!! So this is where my shoe buying practice pays off.Glow-in-the-Dark Course Getting up in the middle of the night to utilize the bathroom can be a scary thing for a little camper .

and grownups too!. A foam flooring is an excellent way to keep the camping tent warm and clean!DIY Single Antibiotic Loads Specific packs of antibiotic produce light packing and keep whatever nice and clean. Plastic straws, who knew?Handwashing Station These are simple to make and will keep your kids 'hands tidy even when you're far from running water.Pack a small first-aid package These little sets are so little each kid might have their own. Specifically if camping with young kids. Marking the trail is an excellent way to keep everybody together and knowledgeable abouttheir surroundings - Renting a Trailer.Easy Outdoor Candle light Stakes Bring a littleadditional light to extend on into the night with these Candle light Stakes a simple and budget-friendly Do It Yourself outdoor camping concept! All it takes is some taper candles and craft dowels.

[paleorecipecookbook]

The Expert’s Guide on How to Cook Mouth-Watering Vegetables

Overcooked, stinky Brussels sprouts seems to be the culprit of every veggie-fearing adult I know. If you were a victim of being served overcooked, boiled-to death, sulfuric, canned, bland, or soggy vegetables as a child, you never stood a chance. It’s not your fault that you have no idea what vegetables are capable of. Vegetables are actually tasty—really tasty.

Real Food Tastes Great

Most folks, even if they weren’t tortured by mushy broccoli, can find themselves in a rut with veggie preparation. Steamed green beans day in and day out is less than inspirational.

Vegetables are nutrient dense and a vital part of a healthy diet. The more vegetables you eat, the better you look and feel. The trick is to learn to love them. There are so many varieties, textures, flavors, and preparations—there is something for everyone’s tastes, even if you don’t know it yet.

While there are tricks for sneaking veggies into your meals when you’re convinced that you hate them, like hiding them in smoothies, how many pureed beverages can one take before insanity sets in?

Choosing produce seasonally and preparing it properly will highlight natural flavors and make your vegetable dishes delectable, desirable, even craveable. The goal is to actually enjoy eating your veggies so you don’t even want to mask them behind that protein powder!

10 Ways to Cook Mouthwatering Vegetables

Vegetables can taste great without hours of cooking or prep work. Here are 10 simple ways to get the most out of your produce, and some of them don’t even require cooking.

1. Blanching

When you do cook your vegetables, it should be done gently. Boiling tends to get out of hand and quickly turns your vegetable into flavorless, dull mush. Instead, give blanching a try!

Bring a pot of water to a boil and salt well.

Fill a large bowl with ice and water. This ice bath is an important step in the blanching process.

To blanch, gently simmer your veggies, never more than a few minutes, sometimes even just a seconds, and then immediately stop the cooking process by plunging the veggies into the water bath.

Under blanching can stimulate vegetable enzymes and over-blanching will leave you with the colorless, flavorless, less-nutritious mess like over-boiling can, so it is important to check out proper blanching times for each veggie. When you blanch rather than boil you will find it easier to control the final outcome.

Once blanched, you can properly freeze for later use, sauté on the stove top in desired fat to enjoy warm, incorporate into omelets and frittatas, create salads, add to casseroles, or simply dress with a vinaigrette!

The best vegetables to blanch are:

Broccoli, Broccolini, and Broccoli Rabe (with lemon and olive oil, or chili flake, garlic, olive oil)

Asparagus (with orange and garam masala)

Cauliflower (with paprika and olive oil, or with capers, lemon, garlic, chili flake, and olive oil)

Collard Greens, Broccoli leaves, Cabbage leaves (use as a wrap or stuffed woth ground bison, chicken, pork, or turkey)

2. Steaming

Steaming vegetables is similar to blanching in that this method will maintain the brightness and yummy texture when done properly. Steaming has been made popular by dieters who shun fats. Steaming allows you to cook without added calories yes, but to me, this is not the point of steaming.

Creating delicious vegetables means creating appetizing textures, and steaming is just another great way to achieve delectable vegetables. You can use a steam basket or purchase a steamer with a fitted lid to steam your way to tasty dishes. Steaming also takes very little time, seconds for more delicate leafy greens like spinach, and just a few to several minutes for sturdier veggies like sweet potatoes, depending on the shape and size of your cuts.

Check out vegetable cooking time charts to get an idea about different veggie steam times, but it also doesn’t hurt to use a glass lid so you can see when items, like leafy greens, are steaming. Once they are wilted, they are done! Keep a fork on hand too for checking items like beets and hearty squash. Once they are fork tender, you are good to go.

The best vegetables to steam are:

Eggplant (use with a marinade, like coconut aminos, ginger, and avocado oil) Spinach (with lighly pickled red onion) Carrots (with a little orange and thyme or sweet basil)

3. Roasting

Roasting is one of the best ways to prepare vegetables because it involves zero to little processing beforehand, and then you just throw it all in the oven and forget it until the timer goes off.

Cruciferous veggies like cauliflower, broccoli, cabbage, and Brussels sprouts often get the brunt of vegetable hatred due to common association with egg and sulfur vibes. Veggies like these contain a compound called sulforaphane, and when overcooked, that stinky smell and taste is released. The ideal method for preparing items like these so that they are delicious is to gently roast them.

Roasting creates yummy caramel and nutty flavors and delightful textures. Be sure the vegetables are clean, dried, and cut into like-sizes to ensure even roasting. Lightly toss your Brussels, broccoli, or cauliflower in a high smoke point oil—like avocado oil—and season and roast right away in a preheated 350ºF oven, agitating once or twice every 5-10 minutes or so, until golden and with crispy edges. Pro tip: once oiled up, roast right away. Leaving cruciferous veggies out once coated with fat will make for a soggy final product after roasting.

Roasting root vegetables is popular, too. I love to roast my roots by lining a sheet pan with parchment paper, loading it up with chopped sweet potatoes, butternut squash, beets, and the like, rub with coconut oil, and season. Pop in a hot 400ºF oven and 20 or so minutes later you have amazing roasted roots, with no clean up thanks to the parchment paper.

The best vegetables for roasting are:

Kabocha or acorn squash with cinnamon and coconut oil

Whole sweet potatoes, stuffed with steamed spinach and coconut butter or manna

Brussels sprouts with bacon fat and hijiki

Shiitake mushrooms, sliced thinly and roasted in avocado oil

Beets, roasted whole with coconut oil (the skins peel right off after roasting)

4. Braising

Another popular root vegetable cooking technique is braising, when you sear an item stove top and then stew it slowly, covered. This can happen all on the stove top, or use a dutch oven and transfer from stove top to oven.

Braising vegetables along with meat roasts is super tasty. The glory of a one-pot-meal, like a braise, is that you can get a ton of different veggies into one dish, and a richer flavor for both the meat and the vegetables. If you are making a pot roast, see how many different veggies you can braise along with your beef, or add to a vegetable soup, or even toss in your morning egg scramble.

The best vegetables for braising include:

Leg of lamb with beets, parsnips, and celeriac

Pork shoulder with acorn squash, carrots, and apples

Beef roasts with turnip, rutabaga, and collards

5. Seasonal Eating

Choose your veggies seasonally and organic when possible. Tomatoes in the winter taste like mealy mush because they do not typically grow in the cold. When you eat produce without chemicals and pesticides, and from nutritious soil in the proper corresponding season, the produce just simply tastes better. Choosing to purchase from small batch and sustainable farmers is also a great way to experience the optimum potential of vegetables!

Once you are hooked on a particular vegetable, you can take a deep dive into varieties of early season, late season, and heirloom varieties of any given vegetable. When veggies taste amazing on their own, less processing or cooking is needed.

6. Knife Skills

Learning knife skills is one of the major building blocks of becoming a better cook, especially when it comes to vegetables. Knife cuts can seriously make all the difference. Whenever I am asked for tips on how to eat better, I always encourage taking a knife skills course. Consistent cuts create more even cooking, can speed up your prep skills, and creates surface area when you need it for marinades and more.

I once brunoised (1/8’’ dice) eight butternut squashes for a Thanksgiving dinner for my family. I was in culinary school and up for the practice, and these tender little, teeny tiny dices of orange flesh were just titillating! My mom has asked for them every year since. When you have specific knife cuts under your belt, you can reach higher levels of cooking.

7. Mouthfeel

We eat with our eyes first. If the dish in front of you is beautiful and appetizing, your brain will want to eat it! We are similarly triggered by images and cravings, but mouthfeel is also important. Using different knife cuts, tasty fats, dressings, marinades, and cooking methods will change the mouthfeel significantly. You have the power to make your veggies more delectable by finding the mouthfeel that appeals to you.

8. Dressing

Vegetables are made for vinaigrettes. If you are hip on simply prepared vegetable dishes by way of blanching, steaming, or raw, you must up your vinaigrette game! Lightly dressed, steamed asparagus, or blanched broccoli, will elevate your dining experience. Flavor is also in fat, so try sautéing in bacon or duck fat, or drizzling olive oil or nut oils like hazelnut over your veggies. With a little salt and pepper, this can make for melt-away and yummy textures, in a flash.

The best vinaigrettes for vegetables are:

Raw apple cider vinegar, garlic, ginger, and avocado oil, and whisk

Lemon, olive oil, salt, pepper, and whisk

Avocado, basil, spinach, lemon, olive oil, and blend

Carrot, ginger, coconut aminos, sesame oil, and avocado oil, and blend

9. Raw

Raw preparations are perfect when you purchase produce in the peak of their season. My favorite tool for raw vegetable prep is the mandolin.

But aren’t mandolins scary to use? You should be cautious as they are sharp and definitely not the tool to use while catching up on Game of Thrones. Focus and go slow.

Anything that will create noodles is also perfect when it comes to preparing raw items, like a spiralizer. A bowl full of noodles, no matter what the kind, is always fun! Dress them with pestos, add meatballs, or even eat as a salad and use your favorite dressing. If you don’t want to eat your vegetable noodles raw, you can quickly blanch.

The best vegetables for eating raw are:

Beets and zucchini (either paper thin or spiralized, marinated in a vinaigrette, with fresh and chopped herbs)

Heirloom tomatoes (slice or eat like an apple)

Daikon radish (do a quick pickle in a bit of raw apple cider vinegar, turmeric, and fresh pressed apple juice or a touch of maple syrup for sweetness)

Cucumbers

10. Herbs

Herbs can offer buckets of fabulous taste to your veggie dishes. Grow them yourself with minimal space and gardening efforts for a whole new level of enjoyment! Some herbs have detoxifying qualities, soothe digestion, and can even be anti-inflammatory. They also taste amazing!

Making a pesto is a great way to utilize your herbage.

The best pestos are:

Parsley, arugula, walnut

Basil, spinach, pine nut

Dill, caper, almond

Oregano, pistachio, garlic, chili flake

Bottom Line

Eat your vegetables. There is no way around it. Veggies are nutrient dense and good for you. You need to learn to love them, and a variety. Vegetables are loaded with antioxidants, minerals, vitamins, fiber, and tons of essential nutrients. If you start with quality veggies, you don’t have to be a wizard to make them tasty. Get creative, make friends with local farmers and other veggie lovers, bend their ears on their favorite ways to make them tasty, plate nicely, make them beautiful, or grow them yourself. And if all else fails, go ahead and throw them in that smoothie.

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[true-halloween-tales]

2017: #5-THE QUESTION OF THE DAY 5

In the 1990’s I asked my Question of the Day frequently at work at the Everyday is Halloween retail corporation in Chicago (see 2013: #11-THE QUESTION OF THE DAY).  I frequently formulated frivolous questions and jotted down the answers from customers, coworkers, celebrities, the homeless, the psychologically divergent, and even the police.  On a Saturday afternoon, shortly after I injured my back, I stood on Clark Street looking north towards Wrigley Field (see 2009: #9-PARALYSIS, PAIN, AND THE POWER OF SHAKESPEARE).  I picked up a call on my security walkie-talkie of a criminal action occurring in one of the Everyday is Halloween stores.  I could not hear what the lady was yelling about.  Then I saw her down the block as a figure ran past me.  That was the criminal!  Fleeing on foot right past me!  She shouted for me to stop him, so I began chasing the fugitive.  My back hurt badly, and my legs were weak from nerve pain.  I could hardly run!  I saw that the fugitive was over six feet tall… wearing high heels… in a leopard print dress… rather broad shoulders… yup, it was drag queen… he eventually threw away the high heels… the chase continued… heading towards Halsted Street… I yelled out to him, “Just stop, it’s tiring,”… proceeding north on Halsted… he got flustered… I had steered the chase directly towards the nearby police station at Halsted and Addison Streets… various interceptors appeared and caught him ahead of me.  I stopped to catch my breath as I was told it was all about a leopard print leotard thing he misappropriated.  I walked back to the store, thinking of an appropriate question of the day involving this escapade.

Here are five original questions of the day from the 1990’s and answers with names of those who answered, when available, maybe even yours…

1-What is a very strange word?

Aardvark Platypus Globulous Bulbous Ointment Salve Squeegee Pervert Ecclesiastical Pumpernickel Bamboozle Glog (Swedish drink) Phlegm Google Oblique Juxtapose Kumquat Fern Huffenagle Farfegnugen Onomatopoeia Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Sjohundra sjuti sjo (777 in Swedish) Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

2-If you could visit anywhere, where would you go?

Amsterdam -3 London – 3 North Pole to see the aurora borealis – 2 California -2 Australia -2 Germany -2 Heaven – 2 New York Paris Egypt Japan Tibet Brazil Tahiti Africa Antarctica Woodstock Mars Happy where I am at Kingdom come The third grade when things were simpler - Calbee Fantasy Island The planet of the Little Prince Up a chicken’s ass to get a sandwich Somewhere over the rainbow

3-If you could be immortalized in the Guinness Book of World Records, what would it be for?

Giving away the most amount of money – 2 The longest orgasm in the world – 2 Make an even bigger ball of twine than the one in Darwin, Minnesota. Longest time without sleep. Holding my breath. The person who stands still the longest. Most amount of body piercings. Person who can deal with the most amount of stress without going insane. Doing the nicest thing to change someone’s life. Masturbating the most. To change periods from women to men. Most amount of penis eaten in one hour. The guy who ate the most amount of fat from Pork n Beans. Already are in the Guinness Book of World Records as members of the largest Twister contest.

4-What lurks in the dark?

Shadows Cockroaches –  Nikki Boogeyman Eyes Fear – Angelo The overlord Spooky stuff and dust bunnies – Marco Smelly feet – Gabby Souls of the forgotten and meaningless – Matt My penis – Paul R. Elvis

5-What cartoon would it be fun to live in?

Cool World Bugs Bunny Daffy Duck Scooby Doo Flintstones Dangermouse Star Trek X-men – Ray Rocko – Glenna Kid Video – Zoe Little Mermaid Beetlejuice Speed Racer Smurfs – Mary City world/country world – Kate Mighty Mouse – Marco Tweety and Sylvester – Myrna Bambi - Paul R. Felix the Cat – Mark Z. The Nightmare Before Christmas – Gene

One Friday evening while working at the Everyday is Halloween stores, I was alerted to a special project.  A lower basement, previous unknown to me, was flooding.  Could I assist someone in this basement to remove something before there was flood damage?   I agreed, and found my way down crumbling stone stairs into what very much looked like a dungeon (see 2012: #10-DUNGEONS).  I found myself in a dark, foul, stinky, cluttered room with a crowd of partial mannikins with arms and legs reaching out desperately.  I soon found the other worker, and we soon located the unknown something that had to be moved since the dungeon was rapidly flooding.  It was a coffin – so I opened it… I was surprised to find inside of it a skeleton occupant!  Apparently the owner of the corporation’s father was a mortician, and this was his extra skeleton from his office.  Seemed too short for Hoffa.

[fyrapartnersearch]

M// Original RP. I have kitties.

Just kidding. I have no kitties. Anyone read the Psycop series? Anyone? No? Just me then. So i’m gonna pimp a character and a plot for an RP that i’ve had rolling around in my head for a while now, that’s sort of based on the Psycop series. I’m going to be super picky about who I match him up with because I have a specific dynamic I want to work with and specifics are always a bitch. Don’t get butthurt if I say your character won’t do well with mine, he’s a rare flower. Stinky, like the Amorphophallus titanum blossom. Okay so here we go. Cole is a surrogate. That’s what i’m calling him for now because I don’t have a better name, but let me explain what that is. He’s pretty much a super sensitive medium/empath/host for the dead. When people die, sometimes energy is left behind. It can be an actual spirit, or some kind of emotion or feeling left behind. It depends on how strong the energy is. Surrogates are not only incredibly sensitive to this energy, but become hosts for it. For example, if a surrogate picks up the presence of a spirit, that spirit can, in essence, possess them. They take on the deceased’s emotions, thoughts, habits, tastes, anything left over. Sometimes all that is left over is a feeling, so they will take on just the feeling. Sometimes it's physical, for instance the deceased had chronic pain somewhere. The surrogate will feel that pain. It can even become dangerous because say a surrogate stumbles upon someone with a very bad health problem and that energy is still there, they will also take on that health problem. Those born with this gift are often either driven insane or end up dying, either because of the spirit or because they off themselves. Yay now to the rare stinky flower part. Cole has a trait that no other with this ability have been discovered to have. He can maintain himself while still being a host. What’s that mean? He’s aware whenever he takes on a spirit or emotion or trait. So in simple terms, he passes by a spirit that was terrified of water, or let's say died by drowning, in life. He will in turn be afraid of water, but know that is not his own fear and can to some degree control that fear. Say he passes through some real violent energy, he’ll def take on the violent nature but know it isn’t really him. So he might appear agitated and confrontational, but the part that’s still there that is him, will know what's happening. This makes Cole very hard to control, and very unpredictable. There is always the chance that the spirit or emotion/trait will overpower him and he’ll hurt either himself or someone else without meaning to. Because of this, Cole has been kept in a facility so he can be under 24 hour watch to keep him from hurting himself, or others. He’s lived most of his life going from facility to facility, whether it be phsych wards or hospitals or homes. Usually they are ones that are equipped to handle super violent or difficult patients. His one saving grace from these places- law enforcement. Usually a branch of the FBI or whatnot. They use him in cases, bringing him along to murder scenes or crime scenes to see what kind of energy he can pick up on or information he can find out. And if there is a molecule of anything, he’ll pick it up. In the past few years, he has been teamed up with one person who was his partner and would go out with them on cases. Since he had to be watched 24/7, he also lived with his partner and his partner, essentially, took care of him. Because of the tremendous stress of it, his partner basically quit. Moved to a different precinct or retired or something. Just did something that got them away from Cole, but in a real shitty way. Like, did it all nice but in his face, sort of a yay everyone be happy for me I’ve got a new opportunity but sorry I’m dumping you off good luck Kbai. So that’s where you come in! I’m looking to set him up with a new partner on the force. But before I get into what I want for him as far as a partner goes, let me tell you a little more about Cole. Coleis sort of a dark motherfucker with a real dry sense of humor and a sarcastic attitude. He isn’t a depressed little helpless thing like one might think. Despite his ability and his past, he’s pretty sharp, and tries to live his life as normally as possible. He likes stuff a normal 26 year old likes. Vidya games, old 80’s movies, good music, beer. Only he usually isn’t allowed to drink. He sneaks that shit whenever he isn’t being watched. This is going to sound cliche, but he loves adventure. He loves to tag along to something exciting, or sneak away to do shit on his own for thrills, loves doing most anything weird or exciting or dangerous. He lives his life without worry about what’s going to happen when he goes different places. That said, he isn’t allowed to do a lot of shit because of his ability, but loves doing shit he’s not supposed to do anyway. He’ll smoke cigarettes out of the drain when no one’s looking purely because he was told not to, but would do it on the slide so he won’t get in trouble for it. He’s a real amusing character, doesn’t always get social cues, and often times has no filter. I haven’t decided if he gets paid or not for his work, but I’m thinking he doesn’t, or gets paid some kind of allowance because he’s essentially kept by the government. Physically, Cole’s about 5’8” give or take. Thinner build, a little wiry, not too skinny. He has a little bit of tone to him. He has dark hair and grayish eyes, a real cute face. I haven’t found a faceclaim for him or drawn him yet, but he’s pretty attractive. Duh. Why would I make an ugly character. (*side eyes most of my unattractive f’ed up OC’s*) He’s a little on the gothy side, basically in that he’s most comfortable wearing darker colors and hoodies and t-shirts with obnoxious slogans on them. No tattoos, but he has various scars all over him, the only real significant one being a nasty burn scar on his left forearm that he has to keep covered in the sun. He has a gay little silver nose ring on one nostril. And a gay little medusa piercing. Probably the only shit that might tip you off that he likes dudes. Or like… shitty EDM music. He also has pretty crooked teeth. But you know… Sexy crooked teeth. Okay, now what I’m looking for in a partner for him. When I say partner, I mean both as in work partner (so he’d have to be a cop or something similar…) and in a romantic way. I’m looking for a real strong character to pair him with. Essentially, Cole’s going to come live with him, so this should sort of be one of those character’s that’s really into his job or has a thing for surrogates. If you’ve read Psycop great, because I sort of picture him with someone like Jacob, but totally fine if you haven’t.Cole needs someone who isn’t going to freak out on him when shit hits the fan, because that’s an inevitability. I’m not saying that every moment with Cole is going to be overly dramatic or that he’ll be super needy all the time, but when those times do come, he needs someone who can be there for him. Strong enough to be both a friend to him, but at the same time able to be the strong one when Aaron cannot. He isn’t a nut job, but Cole can be a lot to handle sometimes because of the ability, but for the most part, he’s pretty cooperative, and the fact that he likes his job a lot better than being in a facility makes him so. I’d really like to put him with someone a little older (not more than 10 or so years) someone a little wiser, but someone who’s also gonna try and beat the shit out of him in Mortal Combat on the weekends. Physically bigger is also a plus, because that’s what tickles his proverbial pickle and also would come in handy if he comes across a violent spirit he can’t handle. Or you know… If he gets drunk and you have to cart him home… He tends to like the rugged type. Someone who can match him mentally. Sense of humor is also a plus. Okay, now a little about me. I do third person lit, please no chat speak in the RP. I usually try to make my posts a few paragraphs, I do not like one liners. I’m a quality over quantity writer, so I ask that you be, as well. I’ll take a good meaty paragraph over a page of bullshit. I like plots or a general goal that both characters have to work toward, and I ask that you be at least 25 or or older because I do not fade to black, and I’m in my late twenties, and would like to write with someone at my level of mentality. In that regard, I take plot over porn. I do like my fair share of nasty graphic descriptions, but not every other page. As far as relationships go, I like slow build. Unless your character is really damn forward and goes after what he wants, chances are it’s going to take some time before my character decides he likes yours. A relationship has to develop, no matter what. I’m a pretty friendly person and I do like to chat with my partners. I also add a fair amount of comedy to my RP’s as well, so if that’s an issue, please let me know. So yeah there we go. If you’ve got someone like that, hit me up. Or if you want to pitch me an idea, I’m cool with that, too. We can brainstorm and what what. I am open to different settings and genres. I love world building, sci-fi, fantasy, supernatural, and a lot of other settings so if you’ve got an idea, don’t be afraid to pitch it to me, even if it doesn't match up with my guidelines. Worst I can say is no. (Or bite. I do bite. Sometimes. I’m a lovely person.) Email: Geisterkommandant@hotmail.com Skype: I have it, but ask plz. Other methods of Summoning: Black jelly beans, coffee, and a pentagram.