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carcarrot · 4 days

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you'll be pleased to know that on my first day back at my job after my two week vacation i am already in one of my semi-regular Job Crises where i feel like if i dont find a new, better job soon im going to explode into 5 billion pieces

#in case you were wondering if i was handling it well #considering getting some sort of degree . but i cant afford that!!!!!!!!!#but i may need one. if i want a better job........#this is so evil. where are the jobs where you can just do fuck all #in all seriousness back to the degree thing im considering getting a degree in library sciences but i dont even have a bachelors 💀#i was too broke for college! had to work! still have to work! no time or money to go to college then or now!#my crisis aside its extremely funny to me how im not even through my first day back and im like oh lol right i hate every minute of this 👍#also im trying not to have Severe guilt abt the ticket(s) i bought the other day like some crazy person but thats another story #yes ill make the money back yes ill enjoy the show but the Guilt..........#which was entirely because my dad was like >:( when i told him i got a ticket for a Far Lesser amount #and im just hoping he doesnt notice how much my bank account has gone down. oops #but that aside and back to my job crisis:#i cant stand it here!!!!!! i really do hate it!!! and i need a new job. however? everything abt the job process is awful and against me #i was planning on writing an article when i got back from vacation but you guessed it im now too stressed/upset to be creative #which is hampering any possibility of my creative aspirations becoming some sort of career #im so tired. already right back to where i was before my vacation when i really needed a vacation #:( . like ill be fine lol i just. am going through it and these tags have gone on too long #but i think i really will get worse if i stay here for longer and its not even that bad but by god sometimes it is #anyway . im taking it well

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bleaksqueak · 11 hours

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Insomnia is letting up off and on, but I'm still super jelly brained from it case in point, I want to continue back with posting WIPs for the aired pages, but I can't remember what page I left off on now lmao (guess I'll have to dig through my blog to check... eesh. at least it's decently organized by tags?) Not a result of goo brain, really, but equally "AUGH" is that I let my screen protector go for too long without replacing it and now it's slick as snot and I don't have a replacement handy to put on it. This isn't a resulting consequence of goo brain but it does mean I'm going to be trying to draw without any traction while I'm already loopy. Good times ahead!

#shut up pu #I"ve had problems with insomnia my whole life so I'm sadly used to this #it comes and it goes #and right now it's in the middle of a big angry come #what do you mean that wording is atrocious??#it gets the point across #ordered a new screen for the draw slab so I've at least been proactive in fixing the problem #the only other problem is I hate drawing on brand new fresh screens too lol bad finger feel #only the middle screen is good for both fingies and pens #anyway the parts of chapter 3 I really love are coming up over the horizon #part of me does wish I would have tweaked the pacing of chapter 3 a little when realizing the usual posting schedule wasn't going to work #after real life delays all butted into production time bc chapter 3 was still paced for the 2 - 3 pages a week schedule #reading it all at once it still carries that pacing but I do feel a bit bad about the way it has felt at once a week #very occasionally twice lol #but I'm just a stickler for pacing so it bothers me personally probably more than it bothers literally anyone #knowing what it's meant to feel like on the proper release schedule vs. the slower release schedule is largely my own problem #and I'm feeling that extra hard right now because I'm having to do prep work for designing and asseting a new set #which saves a huge amount of time in the long run but slows things down in the immediate now #aka: I want to draw characters and story wahhh why am I making set pieces #also hey where the fuck's that stupid fox at he's even in the story synopsis write up where is he #get in the story proper you piece of shit #hello I am sleep deprived and rambling about comic production how are you doing

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monsterbrush · 2 months

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hey, there's a fic on Ao3 called 'Brittle Knives' about the Thorsons, figured to tell you about it as it builds a bit on the duo as they get summoned to help Baldur track down Kratos and Atreus. some twists in there

I dunno how to tell ya this but.... that's my fic.

#I'm sorry you had to find out this way #and I'm even more sorry to tell ya I am So Slow At Writing Fanfic #glad u seem to like the fanfic though it's not getting a lot of feedback and let's be honest I'm better at art #I'm even MORE sorry to tell ya I'm also still working on that thing I think you think I'm also working on #and I'm being slow at that too #rambles of cha #gow #god of war #don't feel bad it's not every day fanartists and fanficers are the same person #that fic is gonna go a LOT further than just the events of the 2018 game too

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tyrannuspitch · 1 month

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mildly annoyed today and turning evil about it

#it's not about this but i did just see that damn ursula le guin quote Again and it is starting to get to me #like yeah i get it i fucking get it but also shut uppp #i am not 'refusing to admit' that bad things are bad i am 1. telling lies. bc that's what fiction is for #2. seeking catharsis. bc that's what fiction is for #3. trying to confront u with the uncomfortable truth that people who have done bad things are people #'bad' people deserve human rights. hashtag grimdark hashtag no fun hashtag kicking puppies #also it's an out of context quote From A Work Of Fiction so idfk what le guin actually thought or meant #but ppl keep sharing it in a hashtag inspirational hashtag hopepunk way and it's sooo annoying #also like the fact that ppl who say these things so often talk about *evil* like it's a state of being #like EVIL PEOPLE (kind of person that definitely exists) aren't ever interesting or complex and Shouldn't be the focus of your art #(bc examining them must mean excusing or endorsing them somehow or at very least distracting from more Virtuous Matters)#hmm. yeah you're why i'm writing this #'cool motive still murder' thats it youre going in the labyrinth -> -> ->#like yes. it is ofc possible to get too deep into What A Fascinating Twisted Mind etc etc #but also. rargrgrgrgrgrgghrghhhh

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positivelyapunovexponent-good · 9 months

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how do you write a grad school statement of purpose talking about a professor you really admire and love the work of, who's research genuinely represents EXACTLY the kind of work you want to do not just in grad school but forever and ever and ever since you were in 7th grade, without sounding like a crazed fangirl?

asking for a friend.

#It's just- AHHH it's SO COOL #But I can't just SAY that because when you use too many superlatives even when you really mean them it comes of as insincere #Words are cheap! Everyone applicant writes that they'd be 'thrilled to work with' the group they're applying for so it doesn't mean anythin #I need to find a way to download the ineffable feeling of how actually thrilled I would genuinely be into her brain #honestly though this is not a bad problem to have #I am really excited about this person's work to the point that even if I don't get into their program or get to work with them #I still want to do a PhD thesis that would give me ample opportunities to cite them #grad school jeremiad

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topicaltropic · 3 months

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oops! all wips

#dndads #1st img is morgan . tried to solidify the type of person that would marry glenn & jodie and its like #manic pixie dream girl meets wife under bedsheets. fun loving carefree extremely irresponsible i imagine shes as much a bad mom as glenn is #a bad dad #close family dinner for each day of the week #i imagine its very depressing cool for kids sad for adult/college life meals #i had like a pmv/animatic of tmbg erase to nicks everything but ill never finish it sadge!#comic in the middle i was gonna do like a immediately after the final where willys defeated and schools out for summer norm and scary run #into eachother while theyre walking home #and scary would ask whats wrong and normal would be like #well knowing that the entire world ended because of me has been sort of weighing #on me yeah“ and then scary would go ”normal...do you wish that *was* the reason?“ which would lead normal getting dumbstuck cuz she hits #the nail on the hammer. and then hes incredibly defensive and hes like uh b buh NO !!! MAYBE !!! and scary would share her experience #but itd make normal more resentful cuz hed be like well it all worked out for you in the end with you and your dad and you mom who all love #you. and then scary would get irked and start to call him out but then now that the bottles been uncorked his resentment would start #spilling out.#“you burned my house down! i thought it was *my* family that had the connection with the doodler ! but why- when- ”#and normal would be so frustrated and he couldnt get his words out and hed refuse to look at scary while she looks at him w/ the hardest #look of conflicted sympathy and pain #and all she could say would be stop comparing yourself to me and shed mean that in the most compassionate way possible and norm would just #be like i know #and then the bus would come and scary would have to go but shed look back and then be like “am i still coming over saturday to play #and him busy crying would just give a thumbs up #god now that i write this out maybe i will draw it i have a little bit of time left why not #to me i think scarys someone normal would have the easiest time being mean to #one because of his latent misogyny and this like unconscious superciliousness he holds towards her yet shes the one receiving the #validation he sorely craves and knowing if theres anyone he could talk to and whos understand what hes going through its her so though he #isnt able to be emotionally vulnerable or engage in a deeper level but he does feel comfortable enough to lash out at her #last pic is if nick woke up post doodlerized and found himself on cassandras couch (where the teens placed him) and shes there to greet him

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nostalgia-tblr · 4 months

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Reminding myself that I resolved not to delete any fics that have a bookmark on them😭

#there's this one frostmaster fic that must be TERRIBLE cos it fails on any metric but for some reason people bookmarked it #though the visible ones seem to be mostly people who bookmark literally everything they read so...#it has one (1) comment and like a thousand hits :|#i think it's not a bad fic! but apparently i am wrong about that :'(#BUT if there's one person out there who silently loves it i don't want to take it from them #i have invented a silent yet adoring audience in my head for fics that “don't do numbers”. between this and the “reason other than quality”#that i preemptively invent for any fic to flop i am left perhaps overly confident in my skillz but also a bit less worried about stats.#btw 'fair alfrida' didn't go too well either but i had fun writing it so fuck it i don't care (...much)#more positively: the frigga gen did v well and the sylki-on-sakaar one i fretted about for months does not actually repel readers!#and this year i feel like i'm doing fairly well despite posting a few quite niche fics :D #tbh some of my own fics are things i probably wouldn't click on cos they wouldn't seem like my jam from the summary/tags #and i beat myself up less about only writing short oneshots now that i've posted a couple of longer works as well #the sylki arranged marriage fic is on-track to be my second-longest fic ever (the bar was low but shhhh)#...as you can see i still put too much importance on length of fic even though i prefer reading shorter works meself :|#ANYWAY STATS BACK OFF NOW I THINK

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bunnihearted · 7 months

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🤧🐀🌧️🌊

#need to clear my head;#im in such a bad mood. my face is in a perpetual angry state. im just so so bitter nd pessimistic rn #trying not to get stuck in negative chaos thought spirals nd to just take it as it come #nd be patient bc recovery takes time i know. but i havent been able to feel healthy or functional for 7 months nd i am so tired #i cant help but worry abt my health nd what kinda diet i can have nd how to work all of that out.#like the removal of the gallbladder dont ensure a good digestive system. they remove it bc it can irrepairably hurt u #also im so so stressed out abt school nd my courses. i already had to drop one last week. nd it isnt looking like i'll be able to pass my #eng class.. it just isnt looking like it's realistic at all :/ i personally dont mind if i fail. but i can get issues w my wellfare hmm #bc like im still feeling rough nd u only get sick leave for one week after surgery.. so i have to go on thursday nd friday but im gnna #be in pain plus be so hungry nd be unable to concentrate idk #idk idk!! im already willing to take out loans to finish my upper secondary school.. but i have to make it work w timing nd stuff so im not #sitting here unable to pay rent or the bills or food lmao. so idk have to fix it somehow #nd the pressure of this country rapidly declining state is stressing me tf out!! having nazi conservative rightists in the ruling is just #dreadful!!!! for many reasons but atm idek if i can do distance classes like i wanted to ://#i just.. wanna be able to go for my long walks. go to the gym. eat normally. have coffee. study nd finish highschool.#then apply for whatever program i can nd move to another calmer city. prob eventually find a path to move to another country. like norway..#im thinking too much but my thoughts are spinning nd killing me like i cant stop it im so scared nd anxious lmao 💀#im also trying to be brave and write to the psych clinic for personality disorders nd be upset nd 'beg' them for help ksksksks.#but like... the thing abt having avpd is that i kinda dont wanna bc im scared of the possibility of them helping me lol #im just in a low place nd bad headspace and it's just getring worse nd im getting more nd more tired #i dont have much more energy to keep it together nd pretend like im ok or like i have hope lmaoooo idk what to do #anyway... idk idk guess i just gotta .. keep crawling forward anyway i can

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magpiesbones · 27 days

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worst thing about being disabled is that now I am fully and completely aware of exactly how much I am worth to everyone I know. And it is not a lot!!

#like. it gets to me. A lot of the time it’s ohhh your life is priceless and. Well. Okay I did just see you put a price on it though.#like. It’s not always blatant but the laziness comments get to me. The stupid comments get to me. The money comments also get to me.#Either all life is precious or I am a drain on society. you cannot have both.#Why is my life worth less than twenty dollars. Better yet why are YOU gambling with MY life. wear your FUCKING masks.#like I’m usually fine bc I simply do not have the capacity for any more shit. I am existing in less dimensions than most ppl and Not Aware #And then when I am better I experience two entire years of Concentrated Cosmic Horror before I fold back down into being two dimensional #Cosmic horror? Eldritch horror? I DONT ACTUALLY KNOW. what I do know is that I straight up Do Not believe in the soul anymore bc of this!#like I’m horrified!! It is literally horrifying. If I still had all of me I could write some deeply fucked up metaphor but rn what I’ve got #Is like. okay so I’m supposed to be like. A galaxy on the inside folded into a person shape. Right #there’s stuff happening in there. three to five trains of thought at once etc. etc. and that is not what I have anymore. what I have now is #like. One planet and a white dwarf. not even a neutron star. And everything else went out so gradually that I didn’t really notice but #I woke up one morning and it’s not there and then I got into the habit of not looking up bc that’s a lot of work and I have to keep paintin #galaxies on the ash of this stupid little planet. And then I experience random bandaid treatment and Have The Knowledge again and.#I get to experience Plato’s allegory of the cave in REAL TIME and involuntarily!!#It really does suck that the only time I am able to comprehend the magnitude of my loss is when I’m not experiencing it!! bad times!!#I’m tired of being agreeable. Wear masks. Petition for air purifiers in public spaces. Or I start biting for real #if you notice I’m dealing with long covid a. BADLY. you’re right!! Gold fucking star! I challenge ANYONE to deal with The Bullshit actually #I’m not going to let myself be martyred for the fucking. Economy. Bull FUCKING shit.

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diggersofgraves · 1 month

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#AAHHHH #im a multishipper #which i kinda feel is a weird thing to be saying at 24 #like get over it u work full time #and pay bills and rent #but also #its my free time and i get to decide what to do with it #lol anyways #sometimes im reading a fic w a specific pairing #and the OTHER person i ship one of the main duos w #appear and has a thing for them #WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??#root for the main ship bc its their fic ruh #but now i feel bad about the other person lol #so now i gotta go read fics abt them :/#:/#once in a while i will indulge in a poly fic 😌#but i have a hard time finding well written ones #that fit my specific tastes #i am particularly picky abt the fics I read #i should start writing fics huh....#sigh #i like reading them :)#one of the few hobbies i still indulge in from when i was a teen #that isnt drinking and smoking #so healthy i suppose #???#i want to get back into drawing

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thegeminisage · 11 months

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i have ALL DAY (until 5pm) to myself, with only minor household responsibilities to see to. delighted. i'm gonna think about star trek nonstop until then or until my dopamine receptors simply burn out of existence whichever comes first

#personal #star trek blogging #i quite literally have a fucking list #with items such as:#keep reading the movie novelizations #copy my liveblog of the movies to this blog #there's an ace bones/allo spock meta which i'm thinking about writing but actually i think i'd get booed offstage so maybe not #work on the dumb thing i'm doing on a dare #my tarsus iv clip show #TWO separate fanvids i have conceptualized but i havent made a fanvid in like over a decade #so idk that i could pull them off #and a particular fix-it concept for the enterprise incident which i am examining academically #and when all that fails there's still the fact that i wanna write star trek amnesia so bad and nothing is jumping out at me yet #5pm may seem like a long time from now (6.5 hours) but to me today it's barely any time at all #that's not even the whole list.#like literally nevermind the 100+ tabs of trek fic i have open on my fucking phone

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blueshykitsune-blog · 2 months

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Not raining yet but there had been a warning for thunderstorms so ye.

Yay! Love where I live for like this reason.

Mainly only for this. And the unpredictable weather that happens and getting told usually last few moments before said thing happens anyways or it comes way too early. (Warnings specifically)

#Yay rain.#that's it.#oh and thunder.#I do like thunder... as long as I'm not out in it...#I have before and I promise it is quite terrifying.#even more so when the one day was at school and one of the school staff actually did get hit.#yeah... tell a group of like young elementary kids why suddenly one of their fav people can go to work.#they still had issues afterwards too. like standing and sitting. I know this because eventually they did go back to work..#sorta? they kinda focused mainly on the art that they did when the school funded that.#Oh and I also found out they do/did go to church. (I ain't religious but was indeed forced to go to church for plenty of years.)#(ain't gonna say more than that.)#anyways they weren't like directly hit I believe. but they were close to it... and uh... I was in a room that basically faced the lightning #so yeah... just glad they got us kids inside before one of us could've gotten hit cause that would have been very bad.#Although I do love watching. listening. and knowing that the thunderstorms are there when I am safe inside or out the way of it.#I should stop being personal. so I shall hush now.#<I also wanna go write and gotta bring dogs out before it does storm>

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edwinisms · 2 months

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ok I’ll bite what is the deal with half of all ao3 fics being titled like. main title (more descriptive subtitle). no problem with it or anything i just have no idea when and why this format came to be

#rambling #like for my own work i don’t prefer it like Personally but that’s just me and my stuff #its poetic i guess and i am innately repelled by the prospect of writing poetry #before you come at me for that being an unintellectual take it’s JUST because i was literally raised by a poet and he sucks #i mean as a person. his poetry is so convoluted and strange I can’t even label it good or bad honestly #but anyway yeah. in ye olden days I used fanfiction dot net and another site that I will not name for reasons so trends #on ao3 are largely unfamiliar to me #im pretty sure I only got an ao3 account last year #im still getting used to certain terms used on there #I’d never heard of a 5+1 fic until like last month #sometimes i don’t understand a term and im too afraid to ask #when im tagging a fic i just sit there like. fuck

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pyrriax · 3 months

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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏

#haunted ecosystem #i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months #<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat #dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer #((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is #that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better #because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and #you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain #and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be #and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that #somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!

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moe-broey · 4 months

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I <3 blowing up my save files mid-playthrough or after I've beaten the game and feel aimless or I'm three hours in and incredibly indecisive and perfectionistic and have to start over Better this time or I just get really into One Idea and blow up the save for the sole purpose of achieving the One Idea and once I have it's like. Well. What was the point of that actually. And then I blow it up again

#IDK IDK I FEEL LIKE I'M CURSED.........#i swear to god it all started when i realized i'm transgender. experience that changed me forever #OBVIOUSLY. IN POSITIVE WAYS.#but also i just feel like i'm constantly starting over. i used to have master files.#it was actually such an emotionally fucked up experience i used to write my deadname on the back of my 3ds carts #i used to be ambivalent to my deadname until i felt like i had to prove it to myself. and in doingvthat #i did come to appreciate it and it did feel associated w me. or at least what i was meant to embody.#i was always trying to Prove It. to myself. that if i can Prove It i can make this work and get all i've ever wanted #like love. ect ect #in ways i won't elaborate on my name now does honor my deadname. without really being reflective of it at all #which is exactly what i needed esp at that time in my life. it was SUCH a sudden upheaval.#like all of this i've been burying and stomping out for so many years like. once i finally just allowed myself to question.#and be at peace w it. it just all spilled out full force and like. i think i still experience side effects from it LMFAOOOO #like my save files. being unable to revisit certain games. hell even fe becoming one of my main interests #was a direct side effect of me needing a game where i could be myself and not have any prev memories attached #also just. the fucking type of person i am. guy who loves to leave and start over all the fucking time #but also also like. i think it's just the perfectionism sometimes. like eo2 i'm trying to get my party/lore Just Right #so i can fully immerse myself in it and NOT feel bad. for making any amount of changes to my party 😭#I'M SUCH A SENTIMENTAL BITCH. WHO CAN'T HOLD ONTO ANYTHING. WHO REFUSES TO LET GO. WHAT‼️‼️‼️#and w miitopia it's just. i need to update the artwork here it's insane. i gotta fix this. no one is allowed to see this.#anyways. starting over in miitopia and fixing it. i don't even know what my party is gonna be tbh #i usually plan this shit out but again. deep deep DEEPLY rooted Need to just blow everything up forever.

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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...

#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol #except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade #plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me #god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set #looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u #the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control #executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont #wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral #sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive #lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not #forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho #my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly #need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im #dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter #what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by #my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything #interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to #fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i #described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that #idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean #ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said #she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the #parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the #disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage #but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain #just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked #unrelated

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