#still unsure of how this works but if I am demiromantic I still don’t think I’d have a gender bias

[problamticsideanna]

Happy Pride everyone! Here is a post of my flags for now

Labels can change and you can learn new things about yourself constantly. I am leaning closer to demiromantic because I am unsure if I have experienced enough to be full aromantic. But that’s just my personal feelings!

I am also exploring my gender more, my feelings may change one day but I think gender apathetic reflects what I currently feel. I didn’t include and other trans flags just because I am not comfortable fully being on that scale. I don’t want to step into spaces that may not be made for me. But that could just be my imposter syndrome talking 🥲

I hope everyone has a wonderful pride! Whether you already know exactly who and what you like or are still uncertain.

[dandelion-skies]

ADHD is weird bc like

“Im going to take away all of your emotional permanence! Your concept of emotions will be the same as that of a baby playing peekaboo”

So you work on it. Because it’s not fun living like that! I quite like the emotional permanence, than you very much. Knowing and remembering how I feel about things is in fact, quite important to me.

BUT I FORGOT THAT TECHNICALLY SPEAKING, ATTRACTION IS A FORM OF EMOTION TOO. Do you know how annoying that is?

Imagine you’re me. Closeted. Spent years trying to figure out what I exactly I am, and after some life events finally figured out their gender. Because gender is permanent, you live with it inside of you.

But sexual and romantic orientation? That’s a force outside of you! Something that only happens through interaction with certain people! Now I figured out years ago I was asexual, and this has been a mostly unwavering piece of knowledge since. But because I don’t have the experience of finding people I barely know physically attractive, I had nothing to remind me of what romance meant to me.

I’m still entirely unsure of how other people experience romance, but I suppose I’m demiromantic. I’ve had crushes before, though few and far between, and only on people I was already close to platonically. And now, with the digital age, I’m not seeing these friends frequently enough to solidify my emotions about them. Yes, talking online is great, if it’s continual and in depth, nothing that I do with any of my in person friends. So I go through the summer, not seeing my friends because they’re back at home now. Away from university, away from me. And I miss them, I know that. The memories with them feel nice!

But by the time summer has finished I’ve created somewhat… false ideas of them in my head. False ideas of myself, too. I think of them as being different to how they actually are. Not bad, just maybe emphasising some of their traits.

And as for me? Spending the summer at home, closeted, my brother calling me gay constantly to poke fun and me having to deny it because the last time I tried coming out it really didn’t go down so well- I almost convince myself that I’m straight! I think to myself, “well, I could probably learn to love a boy. Surely there’s things about it that I wouldn’t find so terrible.” I even choose a boy to try and like. I try and imagine dates, and romance, and even, just for the sake of testing it, naked.

I try and ignore the repulsion I feel as I push the girl I definitely DONT have a crush on to the back of my mind. She and I aren’t compatible anyway. We’re too different! Plus, I feel very strongly that I would like to share things I enjoy, like baking and video games and rollercoasters, and she doesn’t like baking or rollercoasters. It’s an illogical crush, so I should ignore it and choose a logical one.

So, fast forward, and I see both parties in person. The boy, whom I invite over to bake with me, play video games with, and talk about how much we both enjoyed rollercoasters at this particular theme park. My three uncompromisables, if you will.

(I recognise that they’re quite inane things to not compromise on, but they’re important to me!)

This boy is perfect! My family all think we’re going to profess undying love for each other and get married one day, but I say goodbye and I’m left with a nauseating feeling of recognition that there is an expectation with him that there will be romance. Even if not from him, from my family.

On the other hand, I see the girl. And she’s perfect. Every imperfection about her is perfect. Beautiful. I can’t take my eyes off her, and I just know she knows I’m staring. I try and joke about it, fake flirt! Apologise a bit for the fake flirting- but I’m still transfixed. I’m angry that we aren’t alone, that there are other people around us, and I just keep staring and staring and listening to her voice and watching the way she stands. Okay, maybe that sounds a tad bit creepy. And I’m trying not to be! And we shop for some food together, and she buys instant meals. And I ask her if she likes rollercoasters, and she tells me she’s terrified of them. It’s irrational to like her! I know that the relationship probably wouldn’t work out, so it’s not worth pursuing. But by god does it feel so different to boys! It feels electric and real and brilliant and emotional.

But most of all, I’m not left with that numb nausea, the confused pleading with myself after I try and like a boy. And then it’s all followed up by some sort of hyperfixation on my sexuality like I need to know all about it and make it me again before I forget.

Of course, this post is about ADHD and I did derail a bit, but can you really blame me? Consider the subject matter. And I’ll consider my audience too. I write too much.

The tl;dr is, adhd made me forget I was a lesbian. Pretty girl reminded me.

[ezralva]

hi i was wondering, i saw your post on demisexual adachi and was wondering whether you could say a bit more about it?? i myself am figuring out if i might “be that” (although im also working through some trauma) but yes, how do you know? does it help to label? could this be different given one identifies as different gender? (im a cis girl and would identify as mostly straight) thanks sorry for bothering!!!

Hi~ you're not a bother at all, I guess this is the post u meant. Just to clarify that it's how I saw Adachi thru my observations influenced by my own experience, that Adachi striked me as someone in the aspec. Since the drama didn't try or insinuate to label him as one, it's ofc open to many interpretation. Ah..I'm no expert on this regard and prolly just as knowledgeable as you are in this area 😅 since I only know about this from what I read on the internet, so please take whatever I said with huge chunk of salt...

So to answer, these points I saw from Adachi are what I have personally experienced to identify myself as a demi :

1. In ep 1 Adachi said he had crushes/fallen in love before (no spesific gender), but that was all he felt, that was all there was to it. It didn't motivate him enough to pursue that further. And whether the attraction he felt ever deep enough to develop into sexual attraction remained to be seen.

2. He didn't seem fazed at all finding out Kurosawa fell for a man, rather he only thought Kurosawa was crazy for falling for him out of all ppl he cud have. So to me, looks like gender wasn't really the issue for Adachi (simply because it prolly nvr occurred to him before), and he focused more on the why and how someone cud fall for another.

3. On ep 4 he said, "tho lots of ppl liked to talked about romance, but it's not like that's all there is to it in life."

4. The gradual progress of how Adachi fell for Kurosawa was the highlight of the show, thru simple means and acts that Kurosawa shown him. Despite his inexperience and perhaps loneliness, he didn't instantly fall for Kurosawa's charms the moment someone showed him attention. In fact it started as him felt intrigued enough to get to know Kurosawa better and to not want to see his sad smiles.

5. They began dating in ep 7, and after having more bonding time together, only in ep 9 he said, "Ah..I might really like him a lot". So he was still figuring himself out and that feelings all came gradually after he got more emotionally connected with Kurosawa. And then in ep 10 (regarding sex) he said, "if it's with Kurosawa, I don't mind" (but ofc he was still unsure and didn't just jump on it).

Ofc Adachi had complexes that might contribute or be direct cause to these traits namely his lack of experience and inferiority complex that made him too shy to approach ppl first. But I'd like to believe that these observations aren't that far-off or baseless. Since I have felt, thought, and experienced these just like what he showed. And it's a nice feeling to be shown this in a media and be made to think I'm not the only odd one here. And to stop blaming myself for my failed relationships.

However, I think the terms (demisexual/demiromantic) are very fluid by definition, and carry no specific gender. I myself still am figuring myself out, and I don't think there is any necessity for me to get this right so soon or to explain it to others everytime ppl ask me why I'm still not committed yet.

For me personally so far, labelling myself doesn't help as I bet my family doesn't even know what that really means/entails and the ppl around me will just wave it off as me not having met the 'right person' yet. Eventho that held some truth in it and I do want to have my own 'Kurosawa' someday, I just don't want to limit my need of happiness to the urge of being in a relationship with a certain someone when I don't feel any emotional bond with them and merely just attraction/admiration. It takes time to realise or feel that about someone and that's the trickiest part for me, not many people out there are as patients and want to wait, particularly when they don't understand how important 'that feeling' for us before we want to take anything further and make the relationship works.

I hope that answers all your questions. Take your time to figure urself out as life isn't a race. And I'm sorry to hear about your trauma, I hope you have a reliable support system to work it out :)

[ayy-spec]

Anything to Add?

The final question in this survey was a write-in section for people to leave any additional comments. 113 people responded.

Important/Particularly Interesting Comments

• I hope this goes well for you because you seem nice and if you have any advice for new to the community 15 year olds like me, don't be afraid to share because I'm trying to embrace my sexuality as much as possible but it can be hard when I don't know where to go or turn to to find what I'm supposed to do and where to ask questions and just fully embrass this part of me and it can be hard when I don't even know many if any aspecs so representation is great and it is helpful to hear your experiences and how you handle certain parts, so just keep doing what your doing because it is making a difference [note: 🥺🥺😭]

• i often consider myself more as just aroace rather than aro and ace seperately so i prefer seeing the blue and orange aroace flag over the individual aro and ace flags

• I don't really shorten my identity often with aroace, only when im feeling very romance repulsed and its been a while since I felt romantic attraction. I am a pan-demiromantic asexual. My pan label makes me feel more connected to the lgbt+ community bc it feels like my nonbinary and intersex status doesn't count either. I know I belong in the queer community, but the lgbt+ community is so sexual orientation focused.

• Thank you for having a wide variety of labels to choose from in the options!! I don't see the term aegoromantic very often on things, it feels nice to be known I guess haha

• Thank you for this, i recently started thinking about being in arospec and it was so relieving, all this time i thought something was wrong or maybe i was broken. I'm still trying to learn more about it, and I'm grateful for people willing to teach and help

• didn't realize I hadn't experienced sexual attraction until I finally did and was like "OH, no wonder all my other relationships felt like I was playing pretend"

• I dont often tell people I'm gray aroace. Not because of shame or it not being "as important" (I'm a gay trans dude) but I think because I just feel its a very intimate part of myself, as well as my romanticism and sexuality (in terms of like asexuality) feeling as though it doesn't always need a label. I'm fine just being myself most of the time, a lot of labels can be tricky for myself I think. I'm happy the label exists nonetheless though because Its nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this.

• I'm queer! But if I'm getting down to the bones of it, I'm pan/ace. Still relearning how to be proud of that, after The Grand Clusterfuck years back.

• even though I would be considered to have an alloromantic orientation, alloace isn't really a term I feel any strong connection or attachment to

• i'd like to add that i do consider myself alloaro and use that label openly but i'd also not consider myself 100% allosexual. i'm questioning my sexuality but even if i do end up feeling more solidly ace-spec i'd still use the alloaro label

• Idk who else does this or if this is interesting enough to write down, but I thought I would! I use Aroace as a label. Other, smaller labels inside that would probably fit me better! Aroace feels too big, like it doesn't *really* define exactly who I am. But at the same time, I prefer using it because more people know what Aroace means (at least compared to myrromantic and myrsexual). I use Aroace so the public can define me. I don't typically use it around my close friends 'cause they already know my idiosyncrasies and where I really am. They already made their own definitions for me, so I don't have to make one for them!

• I'm still figuring myself out, so I leave myself at the blanket terms and hopefully everything'll work out in the end

The rest of the responses are below:

Comments Alerting Me About Typos (that I was then able to resolve)

• There's a typo in your "sexual orientation labels" question, because you have Aroflux listed and not Aceflux, but I didn't want to confuse things so I put Aceflux (which I do use) under Other. I also am polysexual (I flux between polysexual and asexual but I am always aegosexual) but didn't know if I should but it under Other anywhere since it's not an acespec label. I consider my polysexuality tied to me being aego/aceflux though, which is why I mention it here.

• the sexual orientations options are the same of the romantic ones ( for example, there's arovague and arospike in the sexual cathegory)

People Clarifying/Expounding Upon Their Own Identity/Experiences

·  to clarify: i'm unsure whether or not i am demi or aceflux; so i use graysexual since both labels technically fall under that as an umbrella term.

• I’m still a confused gorl and I really only know that I don’t like sex it sexual acts but I do like romantic and sensual acts

• Sex/romance repulsed and I have aesthetic attraction

• I'm also animesexual and fictosexual (and romantic I guess but I don't like using the SAM for myself).

• I have never seen most of these labels, haha, I expect one of them is the one I always forget that's for being aro due to past trauma but people always assume it's romantic/sexual trauma so I don't use it and thus have forgotten it...but that's the essay I'm not usually up for writing: was biromantic but then had several awful life events on top of each other and had a complete breakdown and have been aro since. Unclear if it's permanent but it's been 14 years now. [note: I believe this person is thinking of caedromantic]

• I tend to use the word ace more than asexual because it's shorter, but I don't feel more favorably about one than the other.

• i can't tell the difference between platonic vs romantic attraction, and am unsure if people i have "liked" in the past was romantic, platonic, or a fake stemming from peer pressure.

• Also Gender-Neutral/Agender

• I’m gray-aro but identify more with being biromantic even though I know I’m aro-spec. As for sexual orientation, I’m just completely ace xD

• The fact I'm still trying to figure out my gender makes it harder to pinpoint exactly what my orientations are :( but I usually say I'm queer, and if it's safe: Bi Ace, and if I can get more specific: biromantic grey-asexual

• I also use a platonic label (biplatonic). I use it not in a friendship way, but more like in a QPR way.

• Thank you for doing this! My identity on the aro/ace spectrums has shifted a lot over the years and while I’ve just settled on aroace and queer for the most part, this community is so diverse and under appreciated. People who find joy in/identify with micro-identities are valid and deserve representation!

• I'm still figuring out my romantic orientation but it's looking less allo by the day lmao

• My romantic label is very fluid, but in terms of sexual labels, very sex repulsed Asexual

• Content with just Aspec cause it's difficult to pinpoint anything but cool with both asexual/ace and aromantic/aro

• I think of my romantic orientation as halfway between aromantic and homoromantic

• I'm a polyamorous ace, if there'd be a way to include that sometimes that'd be neat :)

• I am still questioning my identity

• I used to identify as 100% ace but now I have no idea other than that I seem to be pan-ace in some way shape or form so my identity is ???people???

• Sex/romance repulsed and I have aesthetic attraction

• to clarify: i'm unsure whether or not i am demi or aceflux; so i use graysexual since both labels technically fall under that as an umbrella term.

Queer Rights

• Trans rights, baybee 🤠🦂

• I just hope a-spec and aro-spec people will experience less negativity and hate this year <3

• Aspec rights!!

• aspec rights, baby

People Being Nice to Me  (I appreciated this thank you everyone!!)

·  :)

• Have a good day

• Uhhh, cool survey, nice to see a lot of labels.... good job! Nothing I have to add, it was great

• Have fun chief, thank you for your work

• Thank you for creating!

• thanks for the survey! I don't know too many aspec in person so I love participating in things like this about the ace/aro community!

• Thank you for what you’re doing

• just hi :)

• thanks!!

• I really love your blog! Reading your posts always makes me happy :) [note: thank you!]

• Good luck, have a nice day !

• I hope you're having a good day :)

• you're lived and valid af!! have a great day!!!

• Thank you for all your hard work i really appreciate it ☺️

• Drink some water Right Now OP

• Nope, :> hope the best for you.

• Cool survey, 10/10 would survey again.

• 💛

• Have a nice day uwu

• Nope! Have a nice day!

• Thank you for making pride flag edits! They're really nice! [note: thank you!!]

• nope, but this is really cool!!

• ❤️

• Have a good day.

• I think this survey idea is super cool! Definitely a great way to see what sort of aspec people are on tumblr :)

• You are doing the lords work

• Thank you for asking us.

• good luck!

• This is really cute idea :)

• I hope you're having a nice day!

• Good luck in your endevours!

• Thank you for making our community visible!

• Have a good day :3

• Have a good day!!

• Keep doing great stuff!

• Thank you for all the positivity I get from your blog! It's super helpful, keep it up :) [note: thank you!!]

• thanks for doing this. recognition is always nice

• Have fun <3

• Lots of love 💛

• This is a cool project, thanks for doing it and good luck! :)

People Saying They Love Me (and I love you, random a-specs)

·  i love you OP!!!!!

• love you, hope you have a great day

An A-Spec Person Being Rude to Other A-Specs

• If you enjoy sex with your romantic partner then you are not asexual

A Person Who Is Not A-Spec Being Rude To A-Specs

• sweetie im sorry that you're so insecure that you feel like you have to make up new identities to feel better about yourself. if you are a lesbian or bisexual please know that you are welcome in the community, but other than that making thousands of microlabels like this makes a huge joke out of what was once an important and respected group. nobody takes us seriously anymore because of this shit. does labelling your identity like this really help you with anything? demisexual and fraysexual and all this are just fancy words for normal human feelings that everyone has. there is no need to microlabel it.

Other

· [variations of “no” (12)]

• not sure that helps lmao but still hope it does. all the best

• Axolotls (or as I like to call them, asexulotls) are amazing and I love them [Note: the man in question]

• Sorry, I can't remember the names of any blogs that do edits

• Ok random but the colors of the aro/ace flag? The blue and orange one? They’re gorgeous.

• I'm not so sure if I should use the aroace flag, I feel comfortable using both aro and ace flags, but I don't like the colors for the aroace flag :c [note: these are in chronological order, it’s a total coincidence that these comments are together]

• Curious to see where the survey goes

• It would be cool if you could also do some aplatonic-spectrum edits!

• there were fully half of the terms on that list that i had never even seen before. like, everything below litho down to no label was entirely new to me. at some point i will look into those! (but not right now, my brain is full enough at the moment)

• actually had to look up the majority of these orientations. Thank you for the opportunity to learn!

• Gonna reblog and follow and hopefully learn a bit more, about others and myself

Note: The only comment that is not listed in order is the first comment, which I put at the top because I found it the most important. It’s so important that kids and teens have space to explore their identity and learn about themselves. The reason I made this blog in the first place was because I was 19 and working on figuring out my gender and sexuality. Now that I’m a bit older and understand things better, I’m so glad that I’m able to help people in this way. 

I make it a point to be very openly queer in my life and at work because I need LGBTQ+ people, especially youths, to know that we’re here. I’m lucky that I live somewhere that I can be visibly queer and speak about it openly. We are everywhere, and there’s more of us than you think!

Something that I really like about the comments at the top is that they show how diverse we are, and how people use words differently. Some people feel like they’re more aroace than aromantic and asexual separately, and others consider their romantic and sexual orientations to be completely different things.

I definitely relate to the person who identifies are myrromantic and myrsexual with their friends but just says aroace when speaking with people they don’t know as well. I believe a lot of people use different words depending on who they’re speaking with.

[tailoringtay]

Name / Alias:   Silver

Are you over 18?  Yes  /  No Is your muse over 18?  Yes /  No

When was your blog established?     About three years ago I think.

– W R I T I N G –

Are you selective about who you write with? No (anyone)  /  Semi (most people) / Yes (some people) / Highly (few people) / Private (mutuals only)

Are you selective about who you follow? No (anyone)  /  Semi (most people)  /  Yes (some people)  /  Highly (few people)    I get easily overwhelmed by a busy dash, so I can’t follow too many people at once.

If your muse is canon, how much do you adhere to canon? Not at all  / A little  / Some  / Mostly /  Strictly /  Not Applicable    I follow the events of FF9 mostly, but my muse is an OC, and has verses that follow canon not as much

What post lengths do you write? One-Liners  / Single-Para /  Multi-Para  /  Novella / All of the aforementioned

Do you use icons and/or GIFS? No  /  Gifs / Icons /  Yes / Sometimes

Do you write on other platforms? No  /  Yes        Looking for another platform but haven’t found one yet. I’ve tried discord RP but I struggle to keep up with it.

What level of plots do you write? Unplotted  /  Open-Ended Plots  /  Semi-Plotted /  Fully Plotted Epics /  All of the aforementioned

How quickly do you usually respond to threads? Very Slow (more than a month) / Slow (3-4 weeks)  / Average (1-2 weeks)  /  Fast (less than one week)  /  Very Fast (less than three days) /  It depends    Usually on the slow side though.

What types of themes do you like? Adventure / Romance  / Fluff /  Angst / Smut  / Violence /  Tragedy /  Domestic  /   Family

WHAT GENRES DO YOU LIKE? ( Feel free to add! ) High Fantasy /  Supernatural / Science Fiction / Historical  /  Horror /  Comedy  / Romantic / Drama  / Action / Adventure /  Espionage / All of the aforementioned

Are there any themes you’re uncomfortable writing on your blog? (Not triggers) No  /  Yes  /  Sometimes    I’m not comfortable writing smut, but am otherwise alright with sexual topics in asks/on the dash.

Do you have any triggers? How do you request it tagged?      I don’t need it tagged, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to write about themes regarding reality bending (specifically being unsure what is real or not and being trapped in that manner, mostly in a medical setting)

– S H I P P I N G –

What types of relationships are you open to? Romantic  /  Platonic  /  Familial / All of the aforementioned    Tay can be hard to ship with romantically, but I’m open to the idea. Platonic and Familial are definitely welcome as well, and much easier to work with XD

What types of pre-established relationships are you open to? Romantic  /  Platonic  /  Familial / All of the aforementioned

Do you have OTPs? No /  Chemistry Only  / Yes

Do you have NOTPS? No / Yes

What is your muse’s sexual orientation? Heterosexual  /  Heteroflexible  / Bisexual / Pansexual  /  Homoflexible  /  Homosexual / Demisexual /  Sapiosexual /  ( Grey ) Asexual  / Still trying to figure it out.

What is your muse’s romantic orientation? Heteroromantic  /  Heteroflexible  / Biromantic /  Homoflexible  /  Homoromantic   /  Panromantic /  Demiromantic /  Sapioromantic  / Aromantic / Still trying to figure it out.

Are you comfortable writing smut? No  /  Selectively /  Yes

How early in a relationship do you ship romantically? Autoship / During plotting  /  After a couple IC interactions  / Several IC interactions / Slow burn /  Plot dependent  /  Never  

Are you open to toxic ships? No / Selectively  / Yes /  I am not sure

Are you open to problematic ships? No /  Selectively  /  Yes   /  I am not sure.

Are you open to polyshipping? No /  Selectively  / Yes /  I am not sure.    I don’t have anything against it, but it wouldn’t be something that would work with Tay.

Are you an exclusive shipper? Never /  Sometimes  / Yes    It would need to be discussed, and would likely only be in cases where there are duplicates of the other muse.

Does crack shipping ever happen? Nope   /  Yes

Tagged by: @xkuja​

– T A G G I N G! –

Whoever hasn’t done the thing~

[bloodfcst-a]

Hey, y’all. Tumblr’s been setting off my anxiety in the last few days, thus the reason I’ve been away. I’ll give you a full explanation under the cut for those who are interested (though I’d really appreciate it if you all read it anyway), and provide some contact information for places you can find me.

Discord: conjure. ☆#6443 Twitch: ninabeanxo Twitter: mishtadelet

I’ve been kind of quiet on Discord lately & I’m the most active on Twitter. I also announce when I’m streaming on Twitter, so... yeah. Sorry about this.

I want to be here. I really do. But there’s something about the summers on Tumblr that are really hard on me. I also think people’s attitudes change & idk why, but people seem to treat me pretty rudely? I try so hard to be approachable, to be kind and positive and supportive, but the amount that people try to take advantage of me or are just plain rude to me is?? So wild. So for those reasons, I’ve just kind of been isolating myself lately, and I may seem a little distant/less approachable/not talking much about myself because tbh... some of y’all are just haphazardly setting off my anxiety / panic attacks and I seriously can’t do it. I already have PTSD, so it’s a fucking nightmare lmao.

There is no gentle way of saying this, but it really needs to be stated. Please respect my triggers, or I will not talk to you. Please respect if I ask you not to mention something or someone to me.

and this is a really big one....

Please respect my boundaries.

If I have mentioned to you that I am not vibing with someone, do not send me media of them / that includes them, do not ask me about ships with them, do not tag me in posts of / with them, and please stop asking me about group verses / affiliated servers. In my time on tumblr, I’ve dealt with theft, bullying, emotional abuse, sexual harassment & solicitation. I’m constantly asking myself ‘ Why me? ’ but more than that, I’m really trying to avoid further situations from happening. I haven’t found an answer. I’m guessing it’s ‘cause I’m soft / nice? idk. Stop ruining a good thing. Y’all are gonna make me bitter, dang. 

When I made this blog, I was explicit that I do not want to be in mainstream FF fandom. When I promo this blog, I even say primarily fandomless & canon-divergent. There is way too much messiness in the fandom, extremely toxic people & tendencies there, and I just don’t like fandom discussion. Regardless of my reasons, the point is that I’m not interested, so please stop trying to entice me to go back. It’s so blatantly rude & shows you think your interests & wishes are more important than my comfort level, and I don’t appreciate that sentiment in the slightest.

That being said, I know Yufi reads differently. That’s why I put so much work into her metas. I even have two tags for all the content. At some point I’ll even have a less minimalistic blog & with more links so it’s super accessible ( in the off chances searching for the ‘  meta ’ and ‘ kisaragi ‘ tags don’t work ). But in the meantime... ask questions. Read. Join a stream. I’ve literally streamed games & movies for folks privately & occasionally stream now. I actually started a new file of VII not too long ago and just got Yuffie, so I could literally have a gameplay stream where we go through canon together. I’m like... nearly begging. Don’t make assumptions.

Again, there are so many resources. There’s wikis, there’s the tags, there’s the inbox ( just ask! ), there’s streams, there’s gameplay & commentary videos, there’s stuff. If you are confused or unsure, I would much rather you reach out. This is regardless of how long I’ve known you, ‘cause some of us have known me for a while and still don’t know anything about me or my portrayal or how to interact, in- or out-of-character.

On the topic of assumptions (because it really is that important, so many issues stem from assumptions & you continuously making the wrong assumptions will leave me less inclined to speak with you, nevermind interact), let’s address some.

I do not write a hyper-sexualized muse. I know this is fanon because of her choice in clothes... however, clothes are a fashion choice, and do not reflect a person’s... existence? I don’t know if it’s the masculinity or the rape culture or what but... what she’s wearing does not mean she deserves any hypersexual treatment... and also as an extension, myself ( bc this happens way too frequently-- please stop seeing my muse and then approaching me about your personal sexual fantasies. It is extremely uncomfortable, as someone who is sex-neutral & demiromantic, to be randomly selected to talk about sex? with me personally? via my muse? Or about my muse when we have zero chemistry? Why do y’all think this is okay??). When I do choose to write sexual / nsfw content, it’s always after conversations ( plural!! ) with my writing partner & after I feel comfortable with the topic and with them. But even if I had her hoein’ it up on the dash, that doesn’t mean to make assumptions about her character (bc maybe there’s character motivations I need to write a meta for & it’s part of her background) or me (the mun is not the muse!! say it with me!!).

I do not write a kleptomanic. Again, this is entirely fanon, because Yuffie says in literally everything she’s mentioned in that she does not steal without a purpose-- and the highest purpose is that she’s stealing items that would restore the power and glory of Wutai or for her personal safety. However, I very rarely write theft... I try really hard to steer clear of the topic because I’m aware that it’s like the #1 thing she’s reduced to. She’s a thief class, yes, but that is not the only dimension to her. I could go on, but I think that’s enough.

Just because our characters share canon does not mean they’re going to have chemistry. I am canon-divergent. But not only that... Yuffie just doesn’t vibe with most people as a canon fact. She is an outsider to like... 99% of people, exclusion being Godo ( Wutai ) & the Turks & the WRO. She doesn’t even claim herself as a member of AVALANCHE. Not only this, but the dynamic she has with one Reeve or Cloud does not represent every duplicate-- that comes with plotting and with chemistry. We will have to plot & work together to figure out exactly how our versions of characters mesh. This is a collaborative hobby.... so the collaborating shouldn’t be that much of a surprise. 

If you come guns-a-blazin’ without clearly having read anything about my portrayal, with completely inaccurate characterizations & just assume because we’re friendly out-of-character I’m gonna be pleased with it.... you’re dead wrong. I’m actually just... a very kind and nice person. I may just gently offer you some suggestions or corrections. But if you repeatedly come with your assumptions &  pre-conceived notions and it’s clear you’re not paying literally any attention to me or my ideas about my portrayal...  I’ll probably just recommend you to another duplicate. I know one who stole a ton of my content & former friends, so you’ll be in good hands. 

If you’re here, I assume that you want to write with me, not the idea of me. I’m a person with feelings & interests too, y’know ?? I feel like somehow that’s easy to forget with me for some reason, given how often people feel inclined to overstep my boundaries & act so disrespectful to me. Which is... fucking wild, honestly !! I’ve even had a person deadass say to my face “ I didn’t think/know you’d want to be treated with appreciation and respect. ” What the actual fuck does that mean? What kind of dominant abuser mentality ??????? Y’all on this site stress me out!!

The last two weeks have been legit stupid stressful on me, and I’ve had some interpersonal changes with folks in the last month (mainly in private) all regarding these subjects. About people here feeling entitled to be rude to me & finding all sorts of justifications for it (I’ve heard everything from “my grandma was sick” to “work’s hard”-- what’s that gotta do with you curb stomping me & my ideas/feelings, and telling me my emotions aren’t relevant in comparison to yours? It doesn’t). And it’s just been weighing down on me a lot. I don’t usually go on main here to discuss issues like this, but because it’s been OVERWHELMING in the last few weeks (and also, bc being nice to everyone is kinda common sense ? and idk why folks here seem to think I’m excluded from the ‘everyone’???), it just seemed like now, while I’m isolating a bit in an attempt to focus on some self-healing, would be a great time to discuss things.

I know this was a long post... but there’s been a lot of injustices done to me on here & in life, so....... if it burdens you to read all this, imagine how shitty it feels to have to experience it. Yeah. It’s rough, pals.

I don’t know how to really end this post godhsaohof. I’m hoping this will kind of open someone’s eyes & like... maybe things will change. I’ve stated before, but I have chronic illness so I really can’t handle stress or, for lack of a better term, a lot of bullshit tbh. If you wouldn’t say it to someone with a dying illness or cancer or a soft sweet grandma, don’t say it to me. Because that’s literally me! I’ve got an illness I’m dying from & I’ve had cancer & I’m soft and sweet! tl;dr, stop being so mean to me dang. I didn’t do anything to deserve this.

[yellowfang89]

It’s wild how much has happened and changed since 2010, and now going into 2020. I was going to put in a "read more" out of courtesy but for some fuck ass reason, when I came in to edit it, Tumblr isn't giving me that option and the code ain't working and now I'm slightly buzzed so what the fuck ever you can just keep scrolling if you don't care lol.

January 2010- Obsessed with Legend of the Seeker. Wrapped up finishing playing Pokemon Diamond- my first pokemon game on recommendation of my best friend at the time. My last semester of community college started.

March/April 2010- got acceptance letter to the local state college I planned on transferring to. Best friend didn’t get any notice on whether she got accepted or not, but got an acceptance letter from another college about an hour away, and decided to go there instead. After making this decision, she finally got the acceptance letter from the local state college. But she still ended up going to the hour away one. Also, I turned 21 and had my first margarita.

May 2010- Graduated community college with an AA in art. God, I remember when I used to love art.

At some point I ended up officially leaving Myspace for Facebook, kicking and screaming, because everyone had ditched Myspace for it. I hated Facebook but got used to it.

August 2010- went on a two week cruise to Alaska. Came back and started new college afterwards. Had no friends and was lonely, though kept in close touch with best friend over Facebook. Got new Macbook.

September 2010- Finally found myself in a new friend group. Saw a beautiful boy on lightrail I wanted to talk to, but had no courage to. Realized that this kind of shit was probably why I didn’t have a boyfriend, and I wanted a boyfriend for the sole reason of not feeling like a loser for never having one.

October 2010- Saw same beauty, gathered up the nerve and talked to him. Turned out he also went to my school. We started seeing each other regularly on there and things started taking off. 

November 2010- Started hanging out with him regularly, got my first kiss from him. Became an official couple.

2011- Can’t remember what months and for what, because things start blending in together. But

- Beloved cat of five years died.

- Lost my virginity

- Didn’t have much money in bank account and stressed out over it. Couldn’t get a job to rectify the situation cuz no experience.

- Started feeling guilty over the smallest things like asking to borrow a piece of paper from someone. Mentally acknowledging this was weird but also shrugging it off. 

- Lost my appetite and had food problems overall- despite always having “food problems.” Never wanted to eat.

- Distinctly remember my stomach rumbling in class and thinking, “good maybe i’ll starve to death!”

2012- Shit blended in together again this year, and for every year here on out.

- Came to the realization one day when walking to the bus that I literally would not care if someone came at me with a gun because I just… didn’t want to exist anymore. Saw nothing wrong with this.

- The thought “things would be better if I was dead” came to my brain out of nowhere. I briefly wondered if this counted as a “suicidal thought.”

-Decided to Google shit like suicidal thoughts, went down a rabbit hole that made me suspect I had depression. It explained things that I thought were off but didn’t care enough to do anything about.

- Eventually saw a counselor at school about this.

- Got a hamster. Hamster died this same year.

- Got a volunteer position at a library scanning old yearbooks onto a computer so I could have some sort of “work experience” to get a job.

- Boyfriend had got me Pokemon Heartgold earlier. I started trying to “collect them all” because why not.

- I switched from using an ethernet chord to WiFi and it changed my life. Especially since I was able to go on the GTS in Pokemon and trade, though it was fucky cuz you could only trade Pokemon you’ve already seen back then.

- Ended up getting Pokemon Black, and it introduced GTS Negotiations which allowed me to match with other trainers and trade Pokemon live. Due to this, I managed to obtain every Pokemon I couldn’t get in my other games. Except event legendaries, unfortunately. I consider this one of my greatest accomplishments and keep up with this to this day.

- Considered switching my major from Graphic Design to Digital Media because I liked my Digital Media class a lot more than my Design classes. And made that switch.

- I decided to minor in psychology because I had already taken a few psych classes for GE credits so why tf not.

- Towards the end, got a “student” job at that same library doing the same thing except with artwork instead of yearbooks. Finally had money. Depression starting to lift? But job was only a 4-8 hour a week deal so not that much money in the long run.

2013-

- Discovered demisexuality via a comment on Reddit. It described me pretty damn well. Weight lifted off shoulders I didn’t even realize was there. Things made sense omg.

- Joined Tumblr.

- Best friend came over for what turned out being the last time. She was moving to Arizona.

- Got a second job working at the tech company my Dad worked at, helping out the customer service rep.

- Slowly found myself drifting apart from friend. Depression still present. Made things hard but tbh she never contacted me either. I got the impression she was mad at me given she unfollowed me on Tumblr without explanation.

- Since not a lot of work to be done helping the csr, I ended up helping our our shipping guy and became his backup. Eventually the purchaser left on maternity leave and I took her place, eventually becoming the main purchaser because they moved her to accounts receivable.

- Decided that my depression was making me a piece of shit friend so I decided to contact best friend to see how things were, only to get a cryptic, passive aggressive, two-word response back. Ended up just dropping it and figured she’d eventually come around and tell me what was wrong. She never did…

2014

- Depression on and off due to the stress of going to work and going to school. At this point I hated all art and wanted nothing to do with any of it and only went to school for the piece of paper saying I graduated college.

- I think this was when I started calling myself gray ace instead of demi because why the hell not and I’ve only been sexually attracted to one person anyway. Possibly still demiromantic though- to this day I’m still unsure tbh.

- Boyfriend taught me to drive. I got my license. I got my first car.

December 2014- I graduated college. It cured my depression. Unfortunately, it was replaced with carpal tunnel. 

2015

- Carpal tunnel still full force. All I could do was read.

- I caught up on all the books I’ve wanted to read. Eventually came across Warrior Cats. Thought it was stupid for the first 50 pages, but then became addicted. Lost interest when I had to wait several months for the next arc to come out.

- The year I got into wrestling. I shipped Rolleigns so fuckin’ hard.

- Undertale came out and became one of my favorite games of all time.

- Find out brother is addicted to painkillers which is why he had been acting like such an ass.

- Dumped Facebook.

- Driver at the company I worked at quit. Company wants me to be “temporary” driver on top of purchasing, shipping, and assisting the customer service rep.

- Got into writing and wrote a book and continued writing off and on from then to now.

2016/2017/2018? I can’t even keep track anymore.

- Pokemon Go came out and I finally got a smart phone because of it.

- Brother gets girlfriend and then gets married after only being together a year. Brother seems to have gotten better.

- They started having marital problems almost immediately. My brother turned out being an alcoholic and fuck knows if he’s still doing drugs or not he says he’s not but he’s also a chronic liar. A lot of drama happens that I don’t want to get into. They are now divorced- after two years of marriage. 

- Got new laptop cuz Macbook got too old, although it still works.

- The company I had been working at, which had always been a shit company with no money, starts going down the shitter more than it already was.

September 2017- customer service rep quits and I have to do her job on top of purchasing, shipping, and driving. Mental breakdowns become common. Depression worse than it had ever been in my life. 

January 2018- get a 45 cent raise because minimum wage went up meaning I was now making minimum wage doing all the bullshit I was doing.

May 2018- Get new job doing ONLY shipping for a few extra bucks more an hour. Depression cured.

2019

- Got in a car accident (not my fault). Car totaled. Replaced it with a 2018 car so it’s all good.

- Experienced my first flat tire half a year later.

- Still get random bouts of depression.

- Still with same boy from 2010. Would love to move in together but fuck if I know when that’ll happen. 

- Still wondering wtf happened with my (ex) best friend and am still trying to get over it. Am considering the possibility that it was probably my depressed ass not talking to her at all for like 4 months. Unfortunately I have no way of contacting her to try and make peace because we both dumped Facebook.

- Got back into Warrior Cats.

- Dad got new girlfriend. Parents finally working on getting the divorce they wanted to get 20+ years ago but never did cuz neither one wanted to spend money on it.

- Briefly considered taking up drawing again but my skills have tanked significantly because I haven’t drawn since graduating college. Plus I’m lazy. 

- Obsessed with The Witcher.

So much has changed throughout this decade and fuck if I know how next decade is gonna turn out for me but I sure hope it's a better one.

Happy New Year to all, and to all a good night!

[aroworlds]

Hello, I thought I was aroflux but now I am in love with someone! Some people say that I am not aromantoc anymore, some people say that I flux, so I could be aroflux but fluxing to alloromantic now and I could be like that for years, but I don't know. Could I?

Anon, I want to say that I am so sorry you’re having to deal with the twin difficulty of lack of understanding of aro-spec identities and fluid identities, because I rather suspect that some people are causing you unnecessary doubt and confusion. And I very much hope that being in love is a wonderful, positive, amazing experience for you: I’ll metaphorically cross my fingers (because chronic hand/finger pain) that all goes well!

How you choose to comprehend and label is up to you. I think it’s worth keeping in mind that when a demiromantic falls in romantic love, that experience of romantic love does not by definition make them stop being demiromantic. Being in a romantic relationship, even if they’re in that relationship for the rest of their life, does not by definition make them stop being demiromantic. It may change how they relate to the aromantic community, yes; they may not have the same needs as they did before. But it does not change, unless they themselves feel it to be so for whatever personal reason, the truth of their demiromantic label. The same, surely, applies here?

In this light, it might be worth considering what you need over what you feel. If you consider alloromantic and/or romantic attraction as one of the aspects of your being aroflux, anon (as I have been recently taught) and you still feel connection to and need for the label and/or the community that goes with it, then by all means, keep it. It’s up to you and what you need, and nobody else gets to tell you that you’re not aromantic enough.

(Side note: by “alloromantic” in the rest of this ask, I mean someone who hasn’t felt themselves to be on the aromantic spectrum, not anyone who experiences romantic attraction. It’s why I often use “alloromantic attraction” or “alloromantic romantic attraction”, to distinguish that from the romantic attraction of some aro-spec folks. There may be some work to be done here on language: I do wonder if the romantic attraction felt by an aro-spec should be labelled the same way as the romantic attraction felt by an alloromantic. I can see reasons for using the same labelling, but I also feel wary about conflating them when they aren’t always treated the same way by amatonormativity. Either way, this is a complex issue in want of community consideration!)

I think a fair rule is that the only time we discard our labels is when they ring false with us, and other people don’t get to determine that. If you feel it describes your truth, it’s yours.

Anyone who comes up to me and says an aromantic and/or aromantic-spectrum person who currently, previously or will experience romantic attraction isn’t welcome in the aro-spec community will have to fight me. Yes, your experiences won’t be like mine, and we will both have issues where we should take a back-seat to let the other talk, but that doesn’t mean you don’t belong here. You do. Anon, if you have other aros telling you that you don’t belong, they’re the ones that don’t belong. They’re not engaging in the spirit of the community we’re building and they can shut the door on their way out of it. If they’re not aros telling you this, I’d be asking why alloromantic folks think they have any right to declare this to you, because they don’t. Especially if they’re non-fluid orientation alloromantic folks, who’ll have no clue about the intersectionality of the aromantic spectrum and fluid orientations!

(I think aro-spec people who do experience romantic attraction have a lot to say about romance and amatonormativity that everybody should listen to. We know a lot about romance from the alloromantic perspective. We don’t know much of what romance looks like when one isn’t solely, wholly or constantly alloromantic and not centred the same way by amatonormativity–especially with regards the expectation that all people in romantic relationships experience alloromantic attraction. For the sheer point of learning more about romance and amatonormativity, never mind bridging the gap between alloromantic and aromantic experiences, we need aro-specs in the community.)

As someone with a fluid identity myself, I do encourage, as best you can, trying not to worry about whether it will change later or for how long. Honestly, every time I shift in my sexuality I feel this guilt, like I’ve been lying to you all–maybe this time I’ll always be ace, maybe this time I’ll always be pan, maybe I was never ace, maybe I was never pan, maybe I’m always just grey-ace–arugh! Seriously, every single time! But this is symptomatic of living in a world that doesn’t give us space for fluidity, that treats it as imaginary, exaggeration or falsehood. We feel uncertain and unsure because fluidity isn’t prized or celebrated as a legitimate set of experiences; we question because we are not given any sense of security in our fluidity, the ability to trust that changes to how we feel now doesn’t invalidate how we felt then.

(And attempting to talk with authority on issues when I’m not always that orientation? Oh does that ever give me a raging case of self-doubt! I’m constantly feeling like I am not enough of anything, in terms of sexual orientation, to talk about it.)

Worrying about whether or not you’ll change in the future only leads to uncertainty about your past and present experiences. It only unravels us. I don’t mean that we shouldn’t check in with what we’re feeling every so often; I think that’s a healthy thing. I mean that the future, and any future shifts in our orientations and/or gender, are out of our hands, and the only thing we can do is find the words and communities that best suit the whole of what we know ourselves to be at this point in time. The worry is not inherently ours. The worry is not something we deserve. The worry is imposed upon us by a worldview that has no space for us. It’s internalised antagonism gifted by a world that wants people of fluid orientations and/or gender to pick one and stay there.

Anon, you don’t have to pick one. You can take a label that encompasses those changes, stare defiantly at the world and tell them that you don’t have to, or want to, pick one side. You can be desperately in romantic love and still tell the world you’re aroflux and they’re taking that word from you over your dead body.

If you find, over a long period of time, that your feelings and needs better match those of a alloromantic person and stay that way, then perhaps you may consider changing your label. But just being in romantic love, now, is not in itself a condition that denies you the aroflux label. It’s an experience, by and large, that more often necessitates it in light of your other experiences.

I would suggest, anon, that you let this go, as much as you can, for a while. Hang out in the aro-spec community if you want–or don’t if you don’t want. Enjoy being in love as much as you can. Just do your thing, have fun, feel what you feel, and try not to worry about labels for a while. Then, when you’ve had a chance to relax and feel, you might want to come back to questioning, if you really do feel there’s something to question. Now, though, I think you need some space to get away from the fluid antagonism; questioning is I think happening now from fear and uncertainty, not from a curious interest if the word still applies, and that can lead us to making decisions that feel like a solution but abrade at us later. Take a break and come back to it, if questioning is the path you still wish to go down, but now is not the best time for questioning. Just be and enjoy the change. Because that’s something folks don’t talk about, the joy of shifting experiences. Sometimes it’s fun having sexual attraction and sometimes I am so glad I don’t feel it at all on any given day and sometimes it’s wonderful that it’s such a vague feeling, and I get to know all of these. Isn’t that awesome?

(I’ll emphasise that you’re still part of the aro-spec community if and while you question, anon. You’re still entitled to full and complete participation in the aro-spec community.)

But if aroflux is the word that makes sense of who you are, all the shifts and changes and variances and highlights and shadows? It’s yours, anon. It’s yours.

[bitheby-13]

For @aroacehogwarts  ‘s White Dragon gift exchange:

(Voldemort is either non-existent or died in the first Wizarding War)

I’m not sure when I realized it, but it had come to my attention that while everyone else my age was falling in love left and right, I wasn’t. Even my own twin had, and it seemed like I was the only one left out.

During school, I figured it was just because I was too busy with all of my non-education to really pay much attention and that I would have plenty of time for it later. But later has come and I still haven’t felt so much as an inkling of any of these “feelings”.

I was beginning to doubt their existence at all, thinking maybe everyone just pretended to feel things.

And it wasn’t for lack of trying either. I had had a few girls come up to me, and since I figured I would like them eventually, if I just tried hard enough. I never did, and after a few years just stopped bothering.

I had once tried talking to Mom about it, but she only said, “Oh, Freddie, you’ll find someone eventually!” But at that point, I was beginning to think I never would.

It was Christmas Day, four years after George and I had left that lovely old castle up north, and I had finally worked up the courage to ask someone about it. I wanted to ask Bill because even though he’s married with a kid he was still the cool older brother that we all looked up to.

“Hey Bill,” I said, approaching him, watching him shift Victoire (my brother has a baby! I still can’t believe I can finally live up to my dreams of being that one uncle—you know the one) from one leg to the other.

“Hey, I haven’t gotten much time to talk to you yet. How’s work going for you?”

“Pretty well I guess. I mean it’s going great actually, things have really picked back up in the past year or so, so that’s pretty nice.”

“That’s great! How are the people there, any girl you’ve got your eye on?” He asked jokingly.

Frozen, I could only reply, “Uh, yeah, girls. I love ‘em, you know?”

“…Right.” He looked extremely uncomfortable and after a moment’s hesitation, directed me in the direction of one Sirius Black who was definitely trying to pretend like he wasn’t eavesdropping on us, saying, “I think you might want to talk to him about that…”

I walked over to him, very confused as to why I supposedly needed to talk to him. I opened my mouth to ask him about it when I realized that I didn’t actually know what I was supposed to ask him, so I just kind of stared at him for a minute until he finally sighed and went, “Okay, so I’m guessing you don’t get the whole sex thing, right?”

“Um, well, actually, I think I get that part…just not so much the romance part…?”

“Oh, okay then, well, what?” He was obviously very confused, which made two of us, but I wasn’t sure why because he had just seemed so sure of everything.

Remus plopped down next to Sirius, put his hand on his shoulder, and decided an intervention was needed. “Fred. What Sirius is trying to explain is that he is what’s known as asexual. It just means he doesn’t feel sexual attraction.”

“But, I have felt sexual attraction. Or at least I think I have.”

“Then it sounds like you might be aromantic: feeling zero romantic attraction.”

“There’s a name for it then?” I was trying not to show how excited I was, but this was nothing short of a revelation for me. If there was a name for it, then it might not be weird or bad. Or they have a name for it because it’s weird and/or bad and they’re about to send you to St. Mungo’s.

“Yes!” Remus looked just as excited as I was, except in a more teacherly way. He never really did leave that job, did he? “There’re also some terms for in between asexual and sexual and aromantic and romantic. Greyromantic and greysexual means that you only feel those feelings very rarely. Demiromantic and demisexual are where you are only attracted to someone after a very close bond has been formed.”

“Wait…” Sirius started quietly. “I think I might be that semi-thing you just said.”

“Demiromantic?”

“Cause like with you and Marlene, it was only after we became best friends, and I could never imagine liking anyone unless we were that close.”

“See, you’re never too late to discover new things about yourself. Now, Fred, what do you think?”

“Well I think I’m definitely aromantic, but I’m not really sure about the sexual attraction part aside from that I’ve actually—”

“WAIT SO LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT CAN BE A REAL THING??”

“Yes, Sirius,” Remus sighed. “It is a thing I’ve been told. And so have you, I think,” he reminded him, nodding towards James and Lily.

Right, I laughed. We had all heard that story more times than we could remember by that point.

As I got up to go somewhere to mull over this newfound thing, I saw Charlie staring at the wall in front of him, with what looked like tears in his eyes. Ginny was pulling on his sleeve but got no response, he was too lost in what appeared to be a realization of his own.

Two weeks later, I had yet to tell anyone, but I was slowly building up to it. “I am aromantic.” I had said it to myself countless times since Remus told me everything, and I finally thought I was ready to come out to someone, starting with George. I was still a little unsure but since I knew now two other people with similar feelings (Charlie had approached me the next day, looking happier than I had seen him since he got his first job with his dragons), I knew I could do it. Or at least I hoped.

We were laying on the couch, going over last year’s sales report when I just blurted it out. “Yeah so I’ve been talking with some people recently and I realize that I don’t like girls. Or anyone really.”

George was immediate in his response. “Okay, cool. I’m glad you told me, Freddie.” He was silent for a couple minutes before asking suddenly, “Wait so why did you take Angelina to the Yule Ball if you didn’t like her?”

“Because you do, duh.”

“Hold up, what? Don’t be absurd!”

To set the record straight, I was right. He did like her and, after a few agonizing months on my part, finally asked her out. She returned the favor a year later by proposing, when he almost fainted. But you didn’t hear that from me!

 [The terms ‘aromantic’, ‘greysexual’, and ‘demisexual’ didn’t come out until a few years after this story takes place (2000), but let’s pretend like Remus knows everything here. I would have changed the year this takes place in, but I really wanted to be able to make that joke at the end so…]

[scpanacea]

★ FILL IN THE QUESTIONS AS IF YOU ARE BEING INTERVIEWED FOR AN ARTICLE AND YOU WERE YOUR MUSE.

TAGGED BY: @st-riley-the-brave

TAGGING: @thornedbride @curedoctor and anyone else who wishes to do it.

1. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?  “My ‘name’, for sake of simplicity, is SCP-049, or the Plague doctor.”

2. WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME? “I have no name, nobody ever gave me one...”

3. DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU’RE CALLED THAT?  “It is for assortment purposes. To say I do not appear as a Plague Doctor from medieval Europe would be a lie, however I cannot give a reason behind why the foundation gave me the number 049.”

4. ARE YOU SINGLE OR TAKEN?  “That is not something one should be asking... However at the moment I am single.”

5. WHAT ARE YOUR POWERS AND ABILITIES?  "I have the ability to kill someone with a single touch to their flesh, provided they are human. I also have an innate ability to see diseases of all sorts within the body of a being, whether they are human or not, however only one of the diseases, the Pestilence, only I can see it seems. After I kill someone I appear to also have the ability to resurrect them with my life saving surgery for which I invented, thus effectively curing them of the Pestilence. It isn’t a perfect cure, but it is cloes enough.”

6. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?  “It depends on my action, whether or not I am using my abilities, the weather, and my mood. The two most common colors is a pale blue, which is my natural eye color, and a deep red. The researchers have, however, reported my eyes turning a pinkish purple at times when I am using my abilities, but this I am unsure about.”

7. HAVE YOU EVER DYED YOUR HAIR?  “No...” (does he even have hair?)

8. DO YOU HAVE ANY FAMILY MEMBERS?  "Not that I can recall in terms of blood. Although I can say I consider SCP-035, and a number of other SCPs, to be as close to family as I can get................... Do not tell him I said that.”

9. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?  “No, although birds seem to enjoy my presence.”

10. TELL ME ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DON’T LIKE.  “There are many things in this world I disdain, the pestilence, emotions, foolishness, but I shall tell you stupidity is what truly gets under my skin. The fact that people seem to refuse to better themselves through learning baffles me. How can one be so content with limiting their lives in such a way.”

11. DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES OR ACTIVITIES YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?  "Other than work on my cure I do enjoy singing... But I don’t do that often. Reading and writing are other hobbies of mine, I do adore literature. Traveling is also something I enjoy doing, the world is beautiful despite how much I claim to hate it-- I hope it never dies.”

12. HAVE YOU EVER HURT ANYONE BEFORE?  “I... Of course I’ve hurt people... Mostly to save them but I don’t count that as hurting them but... there was one person... But I wish not to speak of him.”

13. HAVE YOU EVER… KILLED ANYONE?  “Many. Too many to count really. They all were so sick however, had I left them be I would still be condemning them to a life of suffering until they either ended their life themselves or ended others.”

14. WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU? “Animal? I’m not sure... I don’t know what I am...”

15. NAME YOUR WORST HABITS.  “I bottle things up I notice, I hate to admit it but I’m quiet, reserved, and silent. I find that because of this I have become dreadfully cold towards most people and I find that I am alone because of it.”

16. DO YOU LOOK UP TO ANYONE?  “I don’t think I do. If there ever were people I did look up to, probably when I was younger, I surely do not remember them now.”

17. GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?  “...I’m not sure... I find myself finding females completely unattractive for the most part, with few exception. However I am not sexually active in the slightest. I suppose that I would be considered... ah what’s the word... Homoromantic I think? Or perhaps even demiromantic. Maybe a mix of both... I do know that I remain blissfully asexual in most respects. Perhaps this answer will change in the future, so do not hold me to it.”

18. DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?  “I am self educated. I consider the world and life to be a long school day in of itself. So in a sense yes, however I do not attend classes of any type.” 

19. DO YOU EVER WANT TO MARRY AND HAVE KIDS SOMEDAY?  “I am not sure... Maybe one day... But all the same I am worried that if I ever tried that it wouldn’t end up well... I cannot ask anyone to stay given my circumstance, and I cannot really find myself loving another without there being some deeper seated manipulative reason. My obsession with the pestilence and it’s cure is currently the center of my attention-- besides we do not need smaller versions of myself running around! Imagine how awful that would be!”

20. DO YOU HAVE ANY FANS?  “Fans? I am unsure...” (He doesn’t realize just how popular he is)

21. WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?  “........Being the only person not infected by the pestilence... The last survivor of said plague...”

22. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY WEAR?  “Would what I wear be considered clothing since it grows out of my body? I suppose so. It is the garb of a medieval Plague Doctor, complete with the mask.”

23. DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE?  “................”

24. WHAT CLASS ARE YOU?   “…Class?”

25. HOW MANY FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE?  “Hardly any. Probably only one or two that I can completely consider friends, both of which I hardly see...”

26. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PIE?  “I don’t really eat anything so I’ve never had pie...”

27. FAVORITE DRINK?  “I am not sure. Probably some type of sweet herbal tea or the like... nothing too fancy.”

[ yo. where did 28 go? ]

29. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE?  “I do not have a favorite place I am afraid... Although I do enjoy quiet locations.”

30. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SOMEONE?  “I am not sure...”

31. WHAT’S YOUR DICK SIZE?  “NEXT QUESTION.”

32. WOULD YOU RATHER SWIM IN THE LAKE OR THE OCEAN?  “A lake, although swimming is not something I particularly enjoy, on a hot day sitting in the water does wonders on an aching body.”

33. WHAT’S YOUR ‘TYPE’?  “Type? I’m not sure what you mean by such a question?”

34. ANY FETISHES?  “That’s personal and not something I wish to share. Besides, as stated before, I’m not very sexually active.”

35. TOP OR BOTTOM? DOMINANT OR SUBMISSIVE?  “..........I choose not to answer.” (mun does have an answer, he’s mostly likely to be a bottom due to his incapability to understand just what in god’s name he’s doing)

36. CAMPING, OR INDOORS?  “As much as I love nature, it is too loud, so I prefer inside more than outside... Besides the sun hurts my eyes.”

37. ARE YOU WAITING FOR THIS INTERVIEW TO BE OVER?  “Indeed... This is far too awkward for my tastes, and far too personal for my comfort.”

[downwithwritersblock]

tips on writing a bi character? things like stereotypes to avoid and stuff? Also, would it be considered offensive/opressive if I had the character end up in a boyxgirl relationship even though she's bi? Also, any ideas on how to let the reader know that she's bi without being like "This is A, she is bi."? You seem like really patient and helpful so I thought I would come to you first. Thank you sm!

No problem. I always have a lot to say on LGBT+ topics, So, Let’s get started and hope this doesn’t turn into a rant. 

Also, before I continue I want to make sure it is clear that I am not straight. I am a member of the community, and everything I say here is either from first or second hand experience. All my notes here are things that I have personally experienced, or have watched close friends experience. I can not speak for the preferences of every person who is LGBT+, but I can tell you my own personal pet peeves, and the things that make me uncomfortable when it comes to writing  LGBT+, and in this case specifically, Bi characters: 

Things to avoid: 

“Its only a phase”  One of the most common stereotypes or rumors about Bisexuality is that it is only a phase.  A time of experimenting sexually for a person that is chalked up to confusion, curiosity, or overly high sex drives(aka not being easily satisfied and wanting multiple sexual encounters, regardless of who it is with).  While it is okay and normal to experiment, and to want to explore your sexuality, please do not refer to Bisexuality, or people who are Bisexual as such. If you or your character is experimenting with their sexuality, and exploring their options, please do not call it Bisexual. Please refer to it as curious or experimenting or unsure. Bisexuality gets passed off as a phase far to often because of people mixing up curiosity or bi-curious, as their confirmed sexuality or Bisexual. If your character isn't sure if they actual are Bi or not, then state that. There is nothing wrong with not knowing the sexuality, or chalking it up to being not straight. If you’re character genuinely thinks(aka they are unsure and are leaning towards Bisexuality being their confirmed answer), or knows that they are Bi, then it is okay.  Just, Please do not make Bisexuality to be nothing more than a phase of curiosity or experimentation.

“They are only saying they are Bi for attention”  This one irritates me to no end, okay. When I was in middle school, being out was super rare. Like we had one person who was openly gay, and only like two people who were openly bisexual. (No, I was not among these people. At this time, I still thought I was straight.) After those three were out to the whole school, many other people started to come out as well. However, people started saying that those who were now coming out were only there to jump on the bang wagon, and were simply seeking attention. This followed into the early years of high school. Now the difficult thing about this is that some people at my school actually were just saying it so they could say it. I know this sounds bad, but honest to gods at my school, being Bi was a legitimate trend. I know many people that I heard (not through rumor, no, straight from the horses mouth) only said they were Bi because everyone else was, or because they thought it made them more attractive. Bisexuality was as much of a trend at my middle school as beaded bracelets and silly bands were. Because of this, people started to dismiss anyone who said they were Bi, even those who actually were Bi, and were long before the trend, and only came out then because of the confidence and somewhat normalcy it provided for leaving the closet. For years after that, many people around me bashed Bisexuality, claiming it wasn’t an actual sexuality, and was only a ploy for attention. Please do not pull this card anywhere in your stories, and if you do, only do it to slap down the idea. Being Bi isn’t a means of gaining attention, it’s a legitimate sexuality that many people identify as. Making it about attention seeking undermines the actual thing, and causes Bi-erasure. 

“Kink or over sexualizing”  Holy crap does this one bug me, and gross me out. No sexuality, including bisexual, is a kink. I know too many people, straight people, who only support LGBT+ people in the form of porn. I legitimately know people who watch Lesbian, bisexual, Gay, or Trans porn all the time, but be disgusted by the actual thing. I know straight men, who watch Lesbian porn, and think it’s super hot to watch two women get it out, but the second it’s an actual lesbian couple just innocently holding hands, or a mlm couple, it’s no longer okay. Like wise, I also know straight girls who love and fetishize mlm couples (usually only in terms of fictional characters) but don’t actually care about the Gay Rights Movement, or flf relationships. This disgusts me greatly. Also, I myself, or someone I closely know has been told how “hot” our sexuality is, and told that it would be “sexy” to watch us get it on with someone of the same gender, or engage in a three-way. Look, I know some people actually have kinks that include watching other people, or engaging in sexual activities with more than one person at a time, but do not sum up legitimate sexuality’s as kinks, and do not use our sexuality’s for your own kinks and then turn around and not support us in all aspects. Our sexuality’s do not exist for anyone other then ourselves(and our partners) and it most certainly does not exist to entertain other people. We don’t exist to fulfill your sexual fantasies.

“You always end up Gay or Straight in the end, therefor Bisexuality doesn't really exist.”  This is not how sexuality works!! If you are Bi and you get married or start dating someone of the opposite gender, you are not suddenly heterosexual! Just because you are in love, and have devoted yourself to one person, does not mean you no longer find other people attractive. You can still appreciate other peoples looks. You are still Bisexual. The same obviously goes for if you are Bi and start dating or get married to someone of the same sex. Just because you choose to be exclusive with someone does not mean other people stop being attracted to other people. Your sexuality does not go away when you date someone. Your sexuality only goes away if you suddenly discover something new about yourself, and learn something different that makes you think you actually are not that sexuality. There is more on the spectrum then just Gay or Straight. 

“Horn-Dog stereotype”  So there is this stereotype about Bisexuality that basically says that people that are BI (this stereotype also usually extends to pan-sexuality) are basically just sexual deviants. People who are just so horny that they will have sex with anyone, regardless of gender. This is basically just a side affect of people over sexualizing bisexuality, as I previously mentioned. People usually equate Bisexuality with terms like (I really hate these terms but I am going to use them so you fully understand what I am talking about) “slutty” or “whorish” , and while you can be highly sexually active and bisexual at the same time, the two are not attached.  People who are highly sexually active are not so only because of their sexuality. You can be Biromantic and Asexual or Demisexual or anything anything. Likewise, you can be Aromantic and Bisexual or Demiromantic and Bisexual or any other pairing. Your romantic and sexual attraction do not equate to, or fuel your sexual drive. Please avoid the “promiscuous bisexual” stereotypes. 

“If you're bi then you most like everyone”  (This is a stereotype that also extends to Pan-sexuality and actually most non-straight sexuality’s) Many people believe that someone who is bi is automatically attracted to anyone/everyone. I have met many people who thought that if you were attracted to their gender, then you must also be attracted to them specifically. So many times have I had to explain that I do not just automatically like everyone I see. People who are bi(or any sexuality really) still have a type. How loose or strict that type is depends on the person but it still usually exists. There are still preferences. Liking more then one gender does not equal liking every single person we meet. 

How to introduce Bi-Characters:  Most people don’t include their sexuality in their introduction, and if they do, it’s for specific reasons(usually to flirt). The best way to present a sexuality is to see it: 

The way your character notices other characters. A character taking extra notice of other characters, or acting in a specific manner around certain characters is a clear way to point out their interest in said characters. This is also how you can point out a characters sexuality. If your character takes special notice of characters of both gender, it will become evident that they like both genders.If your bi-character is describing others,  use romantic descriptions. “Beautiful” “Cute” “Pretty” “Gorgeous” are all things you can add on to a characters description to make romantic or sexual interest more obvious. “Brown eyes” is plain and simple, but if you add on “Gorgeous brown eyes” that obviously shows more appreciation, and if you show that appreciation for both genders, your reader will eventually get the hint that your character swings both ways. Seriously, just have your bi-character (if you are writing from their view point, or in their third person) describe their attraction to people of both sex. Easy. 

Your character being caught, or obviously checking out, hitting on, flirting with, or being romantic/sexual with people of more then one gender is another very obvious way to say that they like both genders. Show your readers ‘proof’ that they actually like both genders. It’s upfront and straight to the point. No baiting, no tip-toeing around the sexuality. Let your characters actually interact with and be attracted to people of both sexes. Be up-front about your characters sexuality, don’t hide it. 

Ask! Seriously, have someone simply ask. It’s not unrealistic to have another character ask what sexuality your other character is. I get it all the time in real life. People are curious, use that to your advantage. If another character sees them maybe hit on or flirt with someone,  and it surprises them, that’s fair grounds for the character to ask what the others sexuality is. They can also ask on behalf of themselves or someone else. If someone has interest in your character, it is reasonable to check their sexuality to see if they have a chance. If you like someone of the same sex, it would be normal to want to know if they also also liked members of the same sex. 

Gay Jokes. If someone is open and very comfortable with their sexuality, they will usually make casual comments or jokes about their own sexuality. Not everyone does this, obviously not, but I know a large majority of people who are not straight, and will very frequently make jokes, remarks or puns about their sexuality(myself included). I cant tell you how many times I have made a joke about my sexuality, only for someone in near by to automatically go “your not straight???” (Closet jokes are how my high-school theater teacher realized both me and my best friend were not straight.) Just don’t over do it or force them. Make sure the jokes or puns come naturally. 

Describing past or current relationships/attractions to people of both sex. If you can find a reasonable spot to naturally have your character describe an ex(s) of the same/opposite gender, that’s a very clear way of saying your character is bi. If your character is currently attracted to or dating someone one sex, simply mentioning someone of the other sex in the same context also shows your characters sexuality. It’s as easy as “Oh man, I used to have a huge crush on them.” or “My ex-partner was totally-” including a background of liking or  being with people of both sex is an obvious tip. 

Writing Relationships with Bi-characters:  As I mentioned earlier, being exclusive with someone does not make their sexuality suddenly disappear.  Your character is bi-sexual. If they are in a same sex relationship that does not change. If they are in a relationship with the opposite sex. That does not change. Make that very clear in your writing. You can still find other people attractive if you are in a relationship. If your female character is bisexual, you can put her in a m/f relationship if that’s what naturally happens in the story. It is only offensive/bi-phobic if you: 

Only say your character is Bi so you can claim you have ‘representation’ and then put that character in a ‘straight relationship’ so you don’t have to deal with writing a ‘gay relationship’ , thats Queer-baiting, and it’s also homo and bi phobic. 

Completely forget that your character is Bi once they are in a relationship. As I have stated multiple times, your sexuality does not go away just because you choose to be monogamous.  Your character can still admire and check out people of either sex while being with someone else. Stop erasing bi-sexual people just because of their relationship.  

Describe their attraction to the gender other then the one they are currently with/interested in as curiosity. As I explained earlier, that is bi-erasure. It’s okay to be curious and experiment, but don’t equate it to bisexuality. 

Say it just to say it. If you say your character is bisexual somehow, but then continue to write them as straight (or possibly, but not as commonly; as gay)  in every other aspect, you are most likely queer-baiting, and doing it simply to have a token character. If you want representation of bisexuality in your story, then have representation of bisexuality in your story. Don’t half ass it. Don’t fake it. All that will get you is a lot of complaints. Don’t just say your character is bi, actually make them bi. 

Dont make them a token! As I just stated, don’t do token characters. Don’t make your bi-character bi just for the sake of having a bi character. A person is not defined by their sexuality, stop writing characters as such. Don’t make characters just for the ‘sake of representation’ because that is not actual representation! They are bi because they happen to be bi, don’t make it their entire purpose or personality! I also guarantee you that they are not the only non-straight person in your story. If your story only has 5 or less characters then I could maybe, maybe buy the idea of only one person their being not straight. The spectrum of human sexuality is endless and flexible. If you try to tell me that your story only has one person that isn’t straight, then something is wrong.  

This came out way longer then I expected because yes, I did end up ranting a bit. But hey, I can’t help it. LGBT+ topics are personal for me, So, I always have a lot to say on the matter. I really hope this is helpful, and if you have any other questions, please feel free to ask. I wish you luck with your writing! 

And if anyone else from the LGBT+ Community has things they want to add, you are more then welcome to do so! I spoke with my own personal experience, and I can’t speak for everyone in the community. So if you think I missed something, or want to add some of your own personal experience, please do! 

[one-true-houselight]

Since I feel vaguely sick

I am going to write at length about Psych.

Spoilers below the cut, which is why there is a cut.

So this will be rambly as crap I am sorry. 

First off. Shawn and Gus. Are amazing. I love them. Their friendship is so good? And wonderful? Because it is real! Those dorks fight! But are friends! Their whisper fights are my favorite because by the end of every one you can no longer understand them, but they freaking can. They can bounce off each other so well. And their families clearly just accept they have a second son at this point. Ahh. More on them in a moment.

Also. So, a small bit about me so you understand this next part. I don‘t usually care about romantic relationships. My ace and aro-specness for me makes it hard to care about romance unless I care abut the people involved (which is why I love hearing about my friends relationships). Also in fiction, I usually feel like a lot of stuff is forced, etc.

That being said. I would die for Shawn and Jules. Like. Wow.

First off, I hc Shawn as bisexual demiromantic so much. Bi because have you met him (specifically the street racing episode?). And demiromantic because even though he’ll flirt with everyone, it takes time for him to actually feel romantic attraction. And even though I am 99% certain this isn’t canon, it is still a really cool thing because it isn’t painted as a bad thing? Just bless.

And then Shawn and Jules specifically. Shawn is very open about being a commitment-phobe, partly due to his parent’s relationship and divorce. And that is understood throughout. And Jules never pushes him intentionally. Like, when they went on their romantic getaway, Shawn was worried she was expecting a ring and other things. And he finally explained this, and she was said no, I’m sorry I made you feel that way. Like. She understood that wasn’t ok and apologized. And when Shawn was drugged and asked to move in, and he realized when he was sober and was terrified and again talked to her, she said it was fine if he didn’t and understood that he wasn’t ready and didn’t push him even though she kind of wanted it to happen. Just. Communication and not treating Shawn’s feelings like they didn’t matter and he just needed to get over it. Ahhhhhh.

And also. I am not a fan of Will They Won’t They both because of reasons above and just it annoys me because most of the time, the ‘problems’ were either there the whole time and known and are now suddenly a problem OR a misunderstanding that could be easily solved if they talked for five minutes. But again, S and J don’t do that (for the most part). Like. Here’s how theirs goes:

- Shawn flirting, Jules like eh.

-Jules slowly becoming interested

-Jules trying to ask Shawn out right when he just stared with Allison. Like just started. And that’s timing and all, which neither could have foreseen and it’s so goooood.

Now as a quick side note, I feel like Allison got a short shrift for whatever reason. Like. She is barely there and suddenly they break up? It’s weird. But anyway.

And another side note: Shawn and Jules have a conversation about their feelings and agree they want to be friends despite it all and *yelling* and I love that they addressed that reality and ahhhhh.

-Jules starts dating Declan who is in a situation similar to Shawn (fake professional something). He (Declan) comes clean and Jules stays with him and Shawn Spencer screams into the void. 

- Jules kisses Shawn in D’s house and holy what? Ah. And this was after she overheard him talking to Gus (more about that in another section) and ah.

- Then they get together and my heart is so happy.

- They are great and healthy and yay.

- AND THEN Jules Finds Out. And the isn’t some little misunderstanding. This is earth shattering for Jules and Shawn. She has been established as someone who has had issues with honesty from people in her life, and this is a big thing. And we see Shawn Spencer forced to try to choose between his work and Jules and ughhhhhhhhhhhh.

More on that last point. Shawn really really cares about his work. First episode he is literally in the middle of getting it on and he calls in a tip. It becomes a part of him. He tells Jules in the aftermath tat this is how he does good. And we know he is scared and unsure and this is how he defines himself. He is no one without his gift. And he is no one if he isn’t saving people. 

- The entire turn left or right episode. Is art. I hate it because it is so good ahhhh. 

- The conversation mentioned above. Shawn feels like he needs to keep doing this because it is who he is. Jules feels like he is making her lie to people for him, which again is something she is fundamentally against. She says if he does;t come clean to the chief, there isn’t a chance.

-and then SHAWN WALKS INTO THE POLICE STATION ABOUT TO DO IT. And Jules sees and she stops him. Because Shawn cares about her, but she cares about him. And she realizes that making him give up everything would be selfish of her, rather than him being selfish for not. HOWEVER, they still aren’t fixed because it is still a big deal. Neither was absolved in this. It was just both of them working towards understanding. Jules didn’t just melt; she rethought, but still isn’t ok, which is fine. 

- they do eventually get back. I cry.

- Jules is offered the job in SF. Takes it after all the excitement. They promise to make it work. I cry.

Also I just love Shawn being romantic like again I am not super into romance but I love him and his words. 

So that’s where we are when we get to the finale. Oh god. The finale. I was screaming at top volume. Like. Screaming. 

So it’s called ‘The Break Up’. And I am Worried because I think ‘oh no, they are going to pull a Shawn breaks up with Jules sad sad and it will be stupid’.

And they start the episode with Shawn making some kind of video blog thing? Saying things like ‘I saw this coming’ and all? And then calls Jules and says he can’t do this anymore and I am mad?

And then he says he is moving up to be with her. Oh my god cool! Yay!

And then she asks what Gus said.

And James Roday once again broke my heart into pieces by pausing a long time before saying ‘I haven’t told him.’

The Break Up refers to him and Gus. They are saying the friendships are on par with romance and they are hard and messy and scary sometimes.

This is when I started screaming. 

*plays theme song*

So we go through the episode. And Shawn is asking everyone for advice about how to tell Gus. And hugging everyone. He’s dropping hints throughout to Gus who is confused because Shawn Spencer is a dork and I love him. 

And through it all, I am waiting to see how Shawn will do this. 

And then you realize the video blog throughout? It’s for Gus. Because Shawn never told him. 

Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

And then Shawn gets into it. He talks about how he saw Gus at his new work place. How 1. Gus was saying things Shawn didn’t know about him and 2. Gus was doing so well and moving up in this new company.

And Shawn goes into this whole thing about how he is doing a video because he was never good at the hard stuff, and he’s sorry for that. How he’s been an awful friend. How if he hadn’t gotten Gus involved Gus would have been doing so much more and how everything was his fault and that he was sorry. I felt this all deeply and was sobbing like the child I am. And then Shawn gets up in the video. He clearly saved Gus for last because it’s GUS, and he leaves. Gus found this video taped to his desk, which means Shawn had to go in and fight with himself about it all before hiding it and running away. And I just. 

And then we see Lassie’s video. Oh god. Shawn says that he is grateful that Lassie was Jules’s partner, how he was probably one of the only people who cared as much about her as he did, and ll this stuff. And then he says ‘So you deserve the truth. You were one of the only ones to always question my methods. And, you deserve the truth. I am not-’ 

And then Lassie pauses the video. And ejects it. And looks at it. He looks at it for a long time. And you can see in his eyes how he is thinking about what this video would have meant to him previously. How he would have gloated, told everyone, ruined Shawn. But then he smiles slightly and breaks the disk and throws it out. And then he calls Marlowe to talk to his baby and AHHHHHH. 

And then Shawn gets to SF and finds Jules and they are talking in a crime scene and Gus shows up. And he goes off. He quit his job to come be with Shawn because he realized that Shawn, even though they did a lot of dangerous stuff, made him an adventurer and happy. He told Shawn off for apologizing and said he would always be his friend and they would do whatever needed to be done and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Their friendship. 

AND THEN. AND. THEN. At the very end. Shawn proposes to Jules. And it combines his best words with checking with Gus the whole time which is So Good, and him saying that Gus will always be there and all kinds of beautiful stuff and Jules said yes and it is so good. 

Ahhhhh.

So in case you couldn’t tell, I love Shawn a lot. He is funny, yeah. But he is also smart as crap. He is good at what he does. He is dealing with a lot of self doubt and even loathing. His entire thing to Gus had me sobbing because I feel like that constantly. There are so many times where he shows his much he cares about Gus and others, but in moments where he can express it he can’t. Just. Shawn freaking Spencer. 

To conclude, Psych is wonderful and one of my favorite twists on Sherlock Holmes. I love the humor and the characters. I am so excited for the movie. 

[divine-identite]

RULES. repost, don’t reblog. tag ten. TAGGED. @thegreatunxter  thank you Lari :) TAGGING. anyone else who wants to do this.

BASICS.

FULL  NAME.   Paddra-Ballad Caius, Caius Ballad NICKNAME.   none AGE.   2,000+ BIRTHDAY.   December 27th  ♑  Capricorn ♑ (Capricorn Sun / Scorpio moon) ETHNIC GROUP.   Indigenous/Aborginals/Paddran NATIONALITY.   Pulsian LANGUAGE / S. canon: Pulsian  ;New World: French, Italian, Russian God of Death: Nigh-omniscience  SEXUAL ORIENTATION.   Heterosexual  ROMANTIC ORIENTATION.   Demiromantic RELATIONSHIP STATUS. Single (canon) / in a relationship (AU) CLASS.  N/A HOME TOWN / AREA.   Paddra CURRENT HOME.   The New Unseen Realm PROFESSION.   Seeress’s Guardian, God of Death

PHYSICAL.

HAIR.  Long purple hair, goes down to her mid-back. Smooth with light purple tufts of hair. EYES.  a vivid purple, almond-shaped. His eyes are normally sharp, stern, and intense usually some moments, which may intimidate some people who see them NOSE.  Wide bridge but slender nostrils it's also tall and straight  FACE. His face is kinda of square, prominent, strong jaw, open forehead, and subtle high cheekbones. LIPS. Full lips, the bottom is a bit more full COMPLEXION.  tanned - earth tones mostly, smooth, and soft with some weathering. BLEMISHES. He has freckles when looked upon closely have lightened up over the years but are distinguishable under a keen eye SCARS.  A few but they have faded possible or just non-existent due to the nature of the heart of chaos. TATTOOS. N/A HEIGHT.   6′4″ WEIGHT. 197 lbs BUILD.   Athletic, slender FEATURES. My seem imposing, vivid purple hair  ALLERGIES. N/A USUAL HAIR STYLE. Usually let down, held in place by his headband a large sweeping bang from the left. USUAL FACE LOOK.   Stern, unmoved and confident, even seen smirking arrogantly. While it’s not rare nor is it a common occurence, her features tends to soften up when he’s around people such as Yeul USUAL CLOTHING.  Armour made by Etro reverence of Bahamut

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S.  Failure, in the past many perhaps not being personal worth. ASPIRATION / S.  To end his and her suffering and free themselves from this accursed torment given by the Goddess Etro POSITIVE TRAITS.  Determined, Persistent, Dutiful, Practical, Wise,  NEGATIVE TRAITS.  Apathetic/Callous, Dogged, Blunt, Manipulative, Merciless, Cruel, Nonsense, Dogged MBTI.   LOGISTICIAN (ISTJ-A) ZODIAC.   Capricorn TEMPEREMENT.   Phlegmatic/ Choleric SOUL TYPE / S.  Hunter/ Caregiver ANIMALS.   Sable VICE HABIT / S.  N/A FAITH.  Agnostic GHOSTS? Yes AFTERLIFE? Yes REINCARNATION? He has none ALIENS? No. POLITICAL ALIGNMENT.  N/A  ECONOMIC PREFERENCE. N/A SOCIOPOLITICAL POSITION. EDUCATION LEVEL.  Home-schooled 

FAMILY.

FATHER.  N/A MOTHER. N/A SIBLINGS.  N/A EXTENDED  FAMILY.  N/A NAME MEANING / S.   Caius is classical and serious but also has a simple, joyful quality. There was a third century pope named Caius, as well as an early Christian writer, several Shakespearean characters, and a Twilight vampire. We would pronounce the name to rhyme with eye-us though at Cambridge University in England, where it's the name of a college, it's pronounced keys. Caius is currently Number 164 on Nameberry. 

HISTORICAL CONNECTION ?  N/A

FAVOURITES.

BOOK. N/A MOVIE. N/A 5 SONGS.  “ Heavy” - Florence + The Machine, “Caius Theme” - Final Fantasy XIII-2  “Oblivion“ - Bastille Sun and Steel” - Audiomachine “ Dawn ” - Skyrim DEITY.  N/A HOLIDAY.  N/A MONTH.  November, December SEASON.  Fall, Winter PLACE.  Paddra WEATHER. Fair temperatures, little  humidity, weather with slight forecast SOUND. Rainfall, night-time cricket ambience, the night, THE QUIET SCENT / S. like night, like fresh after a rain storm night. Coupled with a bit of sea water, jasmine, metal and earthy tones.  TASTE / S. Salt, Honey FEEL / S.  Leather, animal hide, scales ANIMAL / S.  Bahamut NUMBER.  N/A COLOUR. Green

EXTRA.

TALENTS.  Piano, creating metal sculpture art BAD  AT.  Critical, Self-Expressing, Fastidious, Judgemental, Conservative, Apathetic TURN  ONS.  An interesting personality, a good rival, determination, passion, being vigilant and perhaps just someone battling the odds.  TURN  OFFS.  Ignorance, constant nonsense, terrible personality, invading personal space, Weakness HOBBIES. Reading, taking long walks, training, stargazing TROPES. Papa Wolf: Seriously, do not mess with Yeul when he's around. That includes you, universe and you too, Etro. AESTHETIC  TAGS.   Moon, rain, mountains, forests, charcoal, feathers, leather, time, Fog GPOY  QUOTES.  “ Forever isn’t bright; it isn’t like that. Forever is cold and hard and final. .” - Deathless, Catherynne M. Valente

FC INFO.

MAIN  FC / S. N/A ALT  FC / S.  N/A OLDER  FC / S.  N/A YOUNGER  FC / S. N/A VOICE  CLAIM / S. Liam’ O Bren

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1.   if you could write your character your way in their own movie, what would it be called, what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about?  A1.  Walk to Oblvion - that explores the boundaries of morality between what is typically good and evil, and understand what is truly human in character in our core. I think perhaps a western movie or a high fantasy movie which Caius cause’s destruction for a greater purpose.

Q2.   what would their soundtrack / score sound like? A2.   Oh, boy I say Dawn - Jeremy Soule, Skyrim. 

Q3.   why did you start writing this character? A3.    From long story to short, it started when I was in yoga class when Book 4 was still airing. My muse for her came out of nowhere and I told myself the feeling is going to go away, but that night…I ended up making a blog for her. And here I am now.

Q4.   what first attracted you to this character? A4. Oh boy, this is a long explanation you’re demanding from me lol but I’ll bite. Well to star,t I picked up Caius out of curiosity and perhaps chance, I originally wanted to do Noctis - but Tumblr was so oversaturated with Noctis that I didn't want to be a clone. So, I had to go through the “fishing for a muse” phase.  I roleplayed a bit as Riku from KH , Kefka from FF6 and thus Caius. Now I chose Caius because from what I was told usually people pick him up and drop him like a dime - it sounded like a role I could take to see how it went since he was my first villain (at that point was a bit insecure at the time  ) At first, I was unsure if I would be good with him when I went on a massive study on him, he was this compelling villain and seem always to have a recognisable appearance which i was worried I would not master or convey into my other rps. Later,  I learned he was the most human of all final fantasy characters out there; with him wanting to destroy time for just one person, which other final fantasy 13 character such as Lightning, Fang wanted cocoon destroyed just to save those they loved and that kind of drew in more the more I realised it; the whole grey spectrum and his personality I could just connect with it off the bat ( I don’t know something about stoic attitude that always kinda makes me want to roleplay them so well and it always works for me, funny as it was since I used to RP Cloud Strife back on myspace). Though I think me and Caius have many differences we do have many similarities which made me fancy the character and got me to portray him to this level where. It’s perhaps easy to know  So, I guess you can say I roleplayed him as a mistake?

Q5.   describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse. A5.  Being cryptic and generally just being callous so many things that some people would be, pretty much an asshole to people and his unfiltered honesty. Not being expressive

Q6.   what do you have in common with your muse? A6.   quite blunt lol and down to earth actually, i guess being practical at least.

Q7.   how does your muse feel about you? A7.  cool dood just needs to lighten the fuck up sometimes and be less blunt and callous, he would make a lot of friends if he did that.

Q8.   what characters does your muse have interesting interactions with? A8.   Kuvira (Avatar. Legend of Korra), Alex Benedetto (Gangsta), i think mostly Moana (Disney’s Moana), Fang ( Final Fantasy XIII trilogy), Kuja (Final Fantasy IX)

Q9.   what gives you the inspiration to write your muse? A9.  SE not fleshing out Caius, a lot of gothic horror pieces of literature, Lovecraft and Poe to flesh out his emotional states in some of my rps and what not. To expound upon such an amazing character is an honour and give my perspective on certain events, ones even sensitive, that have shaped his bleak future which he woefully remembers most of his life.

Q10. how long did this take you to complete?

Like a week lol because I was so on and off and doing multiple things