#still trying to get better at posting better quality pictures but I don’t understand tumblr

[buffy-of-ren]

Having some fun doing manga/anime redraws for Egghead Zoro. (Bonus S-hawk cuz he's adorable)

[sukirichi]

heeeey do you have any advice for newbie writers?

writing advice for newbies!

disclaimer: the advice i’m going to give (funnily enough) is not something that i always personally do. i’ve been writing both fiction and non-fiction for years, i only came to tumblr because i wasn’t satisfied with how i kept pressuring myself to write “high literature” after gaining awards and recognition for my stories. my fanfiction here in this blog...it’s unrefined, definitely not what i used to write before because i’m a lot less serious about it and i’m just writing freely. but the advice i’ll list below is personally some stuff that has helped me a lot in my entire writing journey! Some are technical, some are personal! down below will also list some tumblr related writing advice! 

1. Keep writing! No one is born a great writer. Before I actually started publishing/posting my stories, I remember I spent at least five years writing the most random crap just so I can get a feel for what my style is. Plus, the more you do things repeatedly, it’ll come eventually like second nature to you and you’ll find the words are flowing. Keep writing, keep writing, keep writing! Even if you’re not satisfied with your first work, that’s okay, just keep going on!

2. Be mindful of what tense you’re using. NOW I KNOW I DON’T REALLY FOLLOW THIS BUT THAT’S BECAUSE I DON’T EDIT MY FICS LMAO, but you could totally do this! So in writing, we have “voices.” The narration will always use tenses of whether the entire story will be past tense or present tense and it’s important this remains consistent in your entire story. This one is TECHNICAL, this just help improves the flow and formality of your story. As for me though, I don’t really care about the tenses anymore because like I said, I just write freely with no regards for “creative writing techniques.” an example of past tense is: Suki jumped to Naoya’s arms. “My love!” she called, wrapping her arms around him. (RIP EXAMPLES) and present tense is: Suki jumps to Naoya’s arms. “My love!” she calls and wraps her arms around him. (this could be real flexible tho, this is just an example ehehehe)

3. Be mindful of dialogue tags! There’s a huge difference between putting periods and commas after dialogues. Like for example, “Suki loves Naoya,” she declared. If it’s followed by an action, the comma is best. Or example, Suki said, “I really love Naoya.” If the statement can stand alone, then it can be “Suki really loves Naoya./I really love Naoya.” There’s better explanations here! And one more thing, you should put the commas/periods inside the quotation marks. There’s more variations/explanations here but generally, this way of writing,,,example: “Suki really loves Naoya”, LIKE??? if it’s a dialogue, put the commas/periods inside the quotation marks.

4. PARAGRAPH BREAKS. I cannot stress this enough. There should be a variety in the sizes of your paragraphs. Long paragraphs should be followed by smaller ones, varied with medium paragraphs and then so and so forth. There’s no formal sequence that it should be LONG – MEDIUM – SHORT – MEDIUM – LONG, writing is flexible, just make sure you’re varying the lengths because reading long, chunky paragraphs with no end is equally annoying as reading paragraphs that are always 1-2 sentences and then a paragraph break.

5. Outline, outline, outline! Whether it’s long fics or short ones (excluding drabbles, I don’t think you need them that much) outlines will help you have a more solid feel of your story, and you can easily track your story flow when you have your ideas plotted out. or me, my outlines is in the form of Dialogue Outline, where I write out all the dialogues first so my pages will be just conversations then I’ll add the monologues/actions later. That’s personally what works for me, you can discover your own writing style <3

6. Research! Now this is pretty funny for me to say this because I don’t really do research, at least not the “how to effectively write this type of role” or whatever. Of course it’s better if you try to learn more about the concept you’re going to write about (like if you wanna do a vampire AU then read Twiligh – JK THAT’S A BAD REFERENCE, SORRY NOT SORRY, love the memes tho!) or you can do my own way of researching, which is reading other people’s fanfics! Not only do you get a vibe of how this character is like, but you also get to support other content creators!

7. You don’t need verbs all the time. Sometimes I see stories wherein ALL dialogues have “said” “screamed” “explained” on EACH line and here’s the key: as long as the readers can understand which character is speaking, you don’t need dialogue cues all the time. 

8. PUT THE KEEP READING TAB. I cannot stress this enough, but please put the keep reading tab. Drabbles are fine without them, but if it exceeds maybe 400 words then you’re going to need that. Sure, it’s easy to scroll past a long text, but some fics are super long and without the keep reading tab that it can be quite a hassle to whoever sees it.

9. Have your own writing safe space. Now this could be more personal than technical, but I absolutely cannot write or focus when I’m in a public space or when I’m being bothered. So if you want to write, SHUT THE WORLD OUT and dive deep into your imaginations, let the noise of your fantasies be louder than distractions.

10. Take your time! I guess that would be my best advice. You don’t have to rush anything at all, and one more thing, DO NOT OVERTHINK! Maybe this is just me but I honestly don’t really try to dive too deep in the technicalities anymore :// I’ve been in Creative Writing class for years and it stressed me out that my writing teachers always told me “not to use big words because no one will understand that” or “don’t try to paint the picture too clearly because not everyone has that big of an imagination” and I was like ISN’T THAT THE POINT THOUGH, TO MAKE PEOPLE IMAGINE THINGS? but yeah anyways, maybe this is just me again, but I find that I write better when I’m not overthinking too much on how to write a “perfect” story. I don’t always have the prettiest words to use. I don’t always have the most intricate plot. I don’t always have the most poetic content that is “inspiring” or “moving.” Sometimes I write stupid shit that has no plot at all, and that’s okay. Just write whatever you want tbh, I’d say my biggest advice is to not worry too much about having the “perfect” story. It’s still great to do research and want to improve your writing skills, but hmm...I guess I’d say the most important thing is that you enjoy what you do!

11. “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” – Ernest Hemingway. This is one of my favourite quotes because it’s true, writing is both complicated and simple, but as for me, writing is something that I don’t want to stress too much about. There isn’t really an actual right or wrong, there isn’t a law, just some techniques that could help you improve, but at the end of the day, it should be about the steady state of progress or the “creation flow” that matters the most. Just write, that’s it. You’ll get there eventually and you’ll start creating magic before you know it. Just let the words flow and build, worry about quality later when you edit it. Or you know, if you’re lazy like me, just post it when you’re done LMAO. really though the BEST advice is to enjoy the process and not stress too much about it!

here is a previous ask i answered that may be of help too! 

[fotiathymos]

VULCAN VS LIO DELETED SCENE.

More under cut along with analysis/script. Warning this is a long post!

REUPLOADED CAUSE TUMBLR HATES ME.

(I apologize that the quality of photos changes. It not me its tumblr, I swear!)

Script recap of scene: (takes place right after the Burnish are freed from prison, this is an extension to that scene. It takes place right before the lake scene with Aina and Galo.)

START OF SCRIPT TRANSCRIPT

EXT. INNER COURTYARD

All the gaurds can’t move either from the fire walls or being frozen.

The captured Burnish get on the fireproof helicopter.

Gueira sits in the cockpit. Lio is instructing.

LIO: Okay, go.

The helicopter takes off.

*SUBURB, SKY

The fireproof helicopter is flying with Lio’s group in it.

Three fighter jets are pursuing them.

It is Vulcan leading the Freeze Force in their tactical aircrafts.

Gueira notices them.

GUEIRA: Boss, we got someone on our tail.

LIO: Must be Freeze Force.

VULCAN: You never know when to give up, Burnish!

The tactical aircrafts are in range to shoot.

VULCAN: You can’t shake us off at that speed.

Vulcan locks on. He fires freezing missiles.

Then, the entire helicopter is enveloped in flames. It melts the ice on the freezing missiles. Lio’s flames had enveloped the helicopter.

VULCAN: What?!

Then, the back of the burning helicopter emits flames with great force. It increases the speed of the helicopter.

VULCAN: Tch!

Vulcan’s three jets also increase speed. Then, the helicopter shoots a fiery shell. It’s aiming for Subordinate 1′s jet.

SUBORDINATE 1: Damn it!

He barely dodges. But the firery shell changes direction and pierces the aircraft.

Subordinate 1 ejects. His parachute opens.

VULCAN: What?!

It turns out the fiery shell was Lio. Lio is enveloped by a fiery ball, emitting flames like a jet, flying.

While Lio is dealing with the jets, the helicopter escapes.

VULCAN: He can fly?

Flames come out of fiery Lio’s arms, becoming swords. They slice Subordinate 2′s fighter jet into two.

SUBORDINATE 2: Aaaghh!

Subordinate 2 ejects.

VULCAN: He’s evolved that much, eh?

Lio pulls the canopy off of Vulcan’s jet.

LIO: Tell the governor the Burnish are free. We won’t let you and the Foundation do as you please. I’m taking back my comrades who were hurt.

VULCAN: Did you get caught on purpose?

LIO: Thanks for the help.

Lio flies away.

VULCAN: Come back here!

Just when Vulcan tries to increase speed, the fiery ball at the injection port explodes. It destroys the injection port. Lio had placed it there.

VULCAN: Damn it!

Vulcan ejects as well. He descends in his parachute.

VULCAN: That kid better not get too cocky.

His expression is a bit sly.

END SCRIPT TRANSCRIPT

( Yes I did type and copy that all out from the book .-. )

If you did not notice. Both scenes are Vulcan vs Lio but one is in the air entirely and the other on the ground mostly.

I’ll semi-describe the storyboard scene.

-----

The Burnish are exiting the prison when spot lights shine directly on Lio. An armored vehicle comes crashing through the halls and out the exit, headed straight for the Burnish. Lio runs straight for it.

Vulcan is driving the vehicle. It has a claw attached to the front. The claw raises, prepared to grab Lio. Lio doesn’t stop running straight to the moving vehicle. Right before the claw clamps down, Lio jumps up. Lio flies up into the air. Vulcan seems startled and the vehicles wheels flatten and stop from moving. The flatten wheels bring the vehicle up into the air after Lio.

Fire balls seem to shoot at the vehicle’s front claw. Blinding the veiw of Vulcan. Vulcan looks up from a sky roof in the vehicle only to see Lio skyrocketing above him and then coming  straight back down with several firey attacks. Lio aims for the wheels and busts them.

The vehicle starts to smoke and come crashing down. Vulcan is shown peeking out as he falls with an very angry expression.

Another armored vehicle comes out of the prison door below, seemingly ready to fire at the Burnish still on the ground. Suddenly Vulcan’s vehicle comes crashing into it from the air.

Vulcan grumbling out of the rubble of the two crashed vehicles, suddenly notices Lio. Lio is above them, flying, with a stern look on his face. At this point it mimics the script in which Lio tells Vulcan, “ Tell the governor the Burnish are free. We won’t let you and the Foundation do as you please. I’m taking back my comrades who were hurt. “

It then shows a helicopter flying away from the prison, most likely the Burnish rescued. Vulcan grumbles more.

-----

SO. Now thoughts. You can stop reading if you just wanted to see the storyboards deleted scene and the scripts deleted scene.

I understand why they took out this scene but it seems they really wanted it to happen. The storyboards are fleshed out much more then some other deleted scenes and they even had it in the script! It would have shown more power and leadership to Lio’s character and really undermine Vulcan. I almost wish it was included cause then Vulcan beating up Lio restlessly after getting him the with freezing bullet later in the movie would’ve complimented his rage towards Lio.

But of’course, it wasn’t vital. It disrupted the flow in a way. And we do get Vulcan fighting Lio many more times. I think Trigger just was being Trigger and wanted cool fight air scene? I don’t have much of a preference between the script’s scene or the storyboarded scene. I almost enjoy the scripts more cause Gueira has more lines/importance. But Meis still doesn't or is even mentioned? (Though according the lore the leadership ranking is Lio > Gueira > Meis.)

The scene gives the rebellion of the Mad Burnish and the movement to free their people more flesh. Lio’s small speech of ‘tell the gov to suck it and also you suck it too’ was just perfect. Also showing more of Lio’s immense power is a plus!

It also seems like Lio being able to fly is a rarity. Another nudge to his power. I was honestly shocked in theatres when I first saw him flying with groceries in hand. They don’t show anyone else flying but they also don’t show any other Burnish attack much besides the Mad Burnish trio. (Not so much counting the Pizza Man since he just kind of blocked with flames more so then attacked)

There is a lot of things left unshown/unexplored with how Burnish flames work. But also if most Burnish are tortured/captured/told to feel shame for their flames.. they probably don’t try to use it much. This is also why I feel Kray had to have had some sort of practice room/area where he burned and used his flames to gain such power to rival Lio. Lio was forced to learn and adapt to his Promare and use its powers for survival of him and his people. Kray had no threats to his life and had to have had some secret evil lair in the earths core just burning pictures of Galo for practice.

I do enjoy they still take note and care in showing that Lio isn't trying to outright kill anyone. Guards are blocked off or frozen with their own guns. Lio has the pilots eject from their seats and land with parachutes.

All in all this scene played out in either way would’ve been highly enjoyed if it was included in the film! But it understandably was cut out. We can’t have everything! If we did well......................... lets not get into that.

I never know how to end these posts so thank you for reading again! My ask box is open for requests to see other storyboard/script scenes! And please share your thoughts! Everyone sees things differently!

SORRY FOR THE REUPLOAD

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

So, thing is.... I have not watched the episode. I just was spoilered on the explore page on youtube when looking up news and there it was. Thank you so much algorithm for ruining the only episode in 4 years that I actually would have liked to watch unspoilered. That’s off the table now of course…. That said. I will watch it later in full. So take all of this with a shitton of salt, because my opinion is basically based only on Dean’s death scene and Sam’s life montage and the ending in Heaven of them meeting again without any in between so I might miss some vital infos – and yeah maybe I should have waited to post after I have seen the full episode first, then again, it doesn’t really matter, my opinion doesn’t matter, as I have not been involved with fandom or tumblr in ages, but maybe my impression can help someone somewhere to feel a bit better about this ending.

So, with that said. And I guess this will be a surprise to most people, these little ten minutes of episode to me delivered more emotion – though the hair and make up on Jared as Aging!Sam was just awful lol so I am ignoring all that – than all of the past 4 years combined.

Is the ending dissatisfying? I can see how people think that. I have to say, I look at it more objectively since I am not involved in fandom etc. anymore. But imo and I really would not have ever expected to say that about an episode written by Dabb. Imo this ending does make sense. I see a lot of posts going around saying that this ending doesn’t make sense, because of the season long arc of the death of the author and fight for free will and that it is the badly written ending Chuck would have penned. And I kind of think no, it isn’t. It’s just that many people treated the past seasons or watched them with rose coloured glasses.

I have expressed in a single post last week why I have issues with Dabb’s era and people’s appraisal of him, because they excused all the bad writing with that only having been „Chuck’s bad writing“ and therefore Dabb and Co were so extremely clever and amazing and soooooo meta. Which yeah, no Dabb was no genius and neither was a Berens. It was objectively bad and lazy writing. This ending however imo actually makes sense – and people only hate it because they did not get what they wanted. Did I get what I wanted from this ending? Not by a long shot – for one: Dean would have deserved more. Much could have been done better, but from the quality or rather extreme lack thereof since Dabb took over, this ending is more than I ever would have expected possible.

So let me get into the meat of it and why I think that way. I can see why it is frustrating to accept this ending, because it feels like all of what they went through was for nothing, because it was never „truly them“ - and I guess that was Jensen’s biggest issue with that ending – and that Dean dies so quickly after just having been free(d). You see, if you operate with the death of the author and celebrating that fact, because it means true free will for the Winchesters then this ending simply – as dissatisfying as it may feel for the character who just achieved freedom – is a fitting one and indeed does not negate character development made (which arguably was influenced by Chuck and never real), but rather showcases it.

Dean dieing on a hunt, in a mundane fashion, due to a rusty nail many say is a disgrace, because it should have been an epic fighting scene or whatever. Why though? We had that countless times. We know Dean is a skilled fighter. He did many Big bads in. Why would it need one more for the final episode? Especially when considering all those times before Chuck has been pulling the strings (this is much more why I think they never should have introduced God in that way and go this route, because that in fact destroys all of the past – which again is why I think Jensen struggled with the ending). Again, I understand people’s discomfort, but I actually think Dean dieing on a hunt, in a mundane fashion, due to a rusty nail is a „good“ (as good as it can get with Dabb & Co) ending. Why? Because it all was entirely Dean. No Chuck. No big story. It was Dean. It was Dean writing his own story. Holding the pen. And That is all I ever wanted (would I have wanted it for him to be able to do it longer, hell yes, but even getting Dean’s joy of being free just for one day imo is worth it and worth more than a lifetime as a puppet for a cruel God). Dean died while doing what he believed in, what he loved doing, with his brother by his side and them both on the same page and not butting heads, he was there out of his own free will, he was not supercharged by an special weapon and he was most of all not indestructable because he was a plaything of God. He died, because he was/is free. Because that is what happens when life happens. And life is tragic. That’s what this is. A tragic death. A tragic death of a wonderful human being. And that’s always what I loved dean for: his humanity and his flaws.

And I don’t see/read it as Dean only finding happiness or true free will in death, though I understand why you could read it that way, absolutely. But imo seeing it that way only cuts things short. Dean was able to let go, he was able to say goodbye to Sam (now his whole speech about him being weaker than Sam etc., that part was enraging and unnescessary, but for the sake of the much despised „bigger picture“ I will ignore it here, because that part I have big issues with). That means he did „overcome“ his „always be there for Sammy“ and giving himself up in the process of doing that (and again yes, that he was only to overcome this when dieing makes this part pretty problematic, very much so – but then again, I don’t expect well crafted story from Dabb, so…). Every single time before (when God was still in the picture) the Winchesters did something bad to undo „death“, etc. whether that was what they would have done if God was not in the picture is up for debate, but in any case here Sam and Dean met one another on eye level. Sam let Dean go and he lived with the grief (yeah, the irony of Dabb trying to replicate „Swan Song“ with roles reversed just in a spectacularly worse way is not lost on me, believe me), but he kept going, didn’t go to extremes to reverse it. He lived with it. Because that’s how life happens. Most of the time it’s not fair. And it’s not what we deserve. But we „carry on“. And we keep writing our story. However a tragic one it might be. But at least it’s ours. We are the paper. We are the pen. And not a bit of spilled ink in Death’s or God’s book. And I happen to think that is as good as it gets…

Alright, those are my two cents on an episode that I haven’t seen lol. I am sure once I see it, there will be a lot of things I will probably dislike about it, but just from the small but probably big bits of the episode, these are my two cents. Don’t get up in arms over it. I am not here to fight. Have never been. And I sure won’t start now that I probably will never log back into this account. :)

[onelastsho-t]

Signing Off, 05/02/2021

“Letting go is the easy part. It’s the moving on that’s painful. If I were to go back in time, there are a lot of things I will choose to change. But in the end, I will always choose you, over everything else.” 

It has been almost half a year since we completely stopped talking to each other. No form of communication, at all. It happened so fast yet so gradually. We went from talking non-stop everyday to zero communication. 

During this period of time, there isn’t a day where I stopped thinking about you. There are countless days where I almost wanted to drop you a text but it never happened. I still have our picture in my wallet and whenever I feel defeated by life, I look at it to give me some strength to carry on. You are still so alive in my head and in my heart. You are still, sometimes, the first thought I have when I wake up in the morning.

I think of you when I am commuting and passed by some places where we used to hang out. When I listen to songs such as “Yellow Lights”, “Us” and a lot more, especially “You Complete Me”. I still remember how you sang this song to me and it still warms my heart so much. When I go to a nice restaurant and the food taste great because you are such a glutton. When I watch a nice series on Netflix which I know you will definitely like. When I see cute dogs on the streets knowing you will shriek and wanting to pet them. Sometimes I just stare into space without any thoughts and you will just appear out of nowhere. All these thoughts always make me smile. The thought of you always makes me smile.

I wonder a lot if you think about me too. 

I still wish we didn’t have to go separate ways. But I understand that’s what was best for us at that point in time. You had too much on your plate and I had so much frustration with the situation I didn’t know how to handle it myself. I understand you did what was best for us and I think that’s the way you chose to love me. You saw what I couldn’t see. And for that - please know that I will always be grateful to you. For being so brave and for choosing this path to allow us both to heal properly. 

I will never be as brave as you. And maybe that’s why you will always be one of the strongest person I will know. Maybe the fact of you being so stubborn is good in this regard. You never give up no matter how tough the road ahead is. You never even flinch. You just continue marching on and choosing to fight the battle, even when you had to do it alone. I am so fucking proud of you and I will never stop saying that. 

I wish I wasn’t so afraid to wish you a proper “happy birthday” last year. I think love always makes me do stupid things. I recorded and uploaded a 25-minutes long video just to wish you a happy birthday weeks before 2 November 2020. But in the end, the video was never made known to you or to anyone. I even went to the Apple store wanting to pick up an Apple Watch for you because I know you have always wanted it. I replayed a lot of scenes in my head - how will you react? Will it stress you out? Is this doing more harm than good? It’s such a stupid idea. It was a tough battle and then at some point I realised I had no place in doing all of these. So, in the end, nothing was said and all these will forever remain as scenes played in my head. 

I think after all these time, you still care for me in your own way. Maybe watching my Instagram stories is one of the ways to let me know you still care, or maybe not. Maybe it’s all in my head. I don’t know and I think maybe I won’t ever know. 

To me, it doesn’t really matter that much anymore if you will ever get to read all these posts. Because I know, you are slowly achieving your goals. All I ever really wanted was for you to be happy and to have your inner peace. And I know you will have all that - slowly but surely. Remember? You appear to be happier and truth to be told, I am so so so happy for you. My heart still gets this tingling feeling whenever I see you smile and that’s when I know I will take a very very long time to get over you completely. Why do you still melt my heart?

Never thought you will have such an impact on someone right? You do. You are such an amazing person and I hope you will never stop telling yourself that. You brought me so much peace and happiness among the chaos. You taught me how to love myself better. And the list goes on. So please do know that you are not a bad person for hurting me because I know I hurt you too. It didn’t matter who hurt who and how much who fell short, a relationship is a choice to commit and I love you, that’s why everything else didn’t matter. There’s always bound to be hurt in a relationship and I quote the song “The Black and White” - call it what you need, but don’t blame yourself for me. 

You are so special and don’t you dare for one second think you are not. You are so precious. You always make me want to take care of you no matter how strong you appear to be because I know deep down, you are not. I ended up hurting you even though you are truly the last person I would ever want to hurt. I've always always wanted to protect you from this world, from anyone who wants to or who will hurt you. You will always be that special person in my heart holding that special place. And you will always be worthy, no matter how bad a person you think you are. Just so you know, you were never the bad person in my story and you never will be. Maybe I will forever have this regret of letting you get away but as long as I know you are doing well, everything’s going to be fine. 

I will probably always carry this hope of you coming back, no matter how much time has passed.

But for now, maybe this is the last thing I can give to you and also to myself. I forgive the long distance. I forgive the lack of communication. I forgive the pandemic for taking away the last chance I had to spend quality time with you. I forgive myself, I forgive us. Most importantly, I forgive you. 

I will always choose to forgive you because this lifetime is too short. Even though we were together for 2.5 years, I still feel like I wasn’t given enough time with you. I could have spent forever looking at you and not get bored because you will always find ways to either make me roll my eyes hard or laugh real hard. I could have spent forever getting lost in your eyes and the warmth of your hugs. I could have spent forever getting to know you - each and every version of you throughout this lifetime. 

But I know for now, greater things are waiting for you to achieve. I hope you will continue to be you. Never let anyone and any thoughts of not being good enough bring you down. Continue growing, continue scaling greater heights and continue fighting life. The future will always be daunting, perhaps it will overwhelm you and leave you doubting yourself. But please don’t ever give up, okay? Take a break when you are tired and continue to soldier on. I will continue to work hard and aim to achieve more too. And I can’t wait to hear good news about you in the future. I know I will be so happy for you for finally getting into the place in life where you always wanted and deserved. You deserve happiness more than anyone else.

We might never talk to each other again. Today could have been our 1000th day together. You are not mine anymore but I'm still a little bit yours. And I know after all these months, it’s probably time for me to move on from us. It’s time for me to move on from you. It was a privilege to love you, and it was a privilege to let you go. You are a tough act to follow but I gotta follow through.

I will try my best not to scream in my head “cute” or “beautiful” the next time I see your picture on social media. I will try not to pause for a short while the next time I come across your profile because trust me, I still do. If you happen to read this someday down the road, please just know that I still care so much for you but I think this is the best I can do for you. I will always care for you in my own way. I will always keep you so close to my heart.

I still love you and I am aware that I am still very in love with you. But I know if you felt the same way, you would have spoken to me because the ball has always been in your court ever since we stopped talking. 

Maybe someday we will meet again as better versions of ourselves and the time will finally be right for us.

But for now, as of this moment, here’s me signing off from this platform and taking baby steps to move on from you. It will take a lot of self-awareness, a lot of effort and a whole lot of time. Maybe I will spend this lifetime moving on from you. Or maybe I won’t ever move on from you but I know I gotta try. 

I don’t know what is waiting ahead of this road but I know, you will always be living somewhere inside of my heart and this I promise - nobody can ever take away. 

If along the way you meet someone who treats you well, from the bottom of my heart - I truly wish you well and I hope the person will know how to cherish and love you because you deserve all the good in this world. 

Please don’t tolerate bullshit again, okay? Don’t be stupid hor please (so singlish on Tumblr I know but it’s ok no more aesthetic after all these wordy posts). Grow up already so must know how to protect yourself please. Don’t be so stubborn also. I know your love hate relationship with cats but please do not get your allergy triggered by petting them especially at your void deck. Stock up more cooling water at home in case of emergency headache or fever. Also try not to scratch the spot on your head whenever you are in deep thoughts if not later really become baldy (HAHA)!! And lastly, avoid your black hole at all costs. I repeat - avoid at all costs. If you ever fall into it, just know that those thoughts are not real and get out of that place asap, okay? 

Go be weird, go be you, go conquer your demons and the world. I'm so thankful I met you in this lifetime you have no idea.

Important things must say thrice: 

I will always miss you and I will always love you. All ways. I will always miss you and I will always love you. All ways. I will always miss you and I will always love you. All ways.  

Till we meet again, take care.

Signing off,  Jes 

[itstittycitybaby]

From the Ashes We are Born (Part two)

A/N: Just wanna say thank you so much for the notes and follows! I appreciate it a lot. I forget how broken tumblr is until i have to post something with 1000+ words. Anyways enjoy lmao.

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The cool and crisp sheets welcomed you in its arms once you woke up. They smelt of pine trees and lemon with a tinge of muskiness to it. A dull ache coursed through your head, causing you to curse. The light did no favours for your head either. You groaned; there was a bedside table with a few candles. A hint of vanilla wafted through the air as the flame flickered and danced. “Where the fuck am I?” You rubbed your eyes to wake yourself up even more before trying to escape wherever the fuck you had been taken to. A bandage was placed on the side of your head where that cop had struck you. Slinging one leg out you raised yourself out of bed, or tried to anyway. The sheets had wrapped itself around your legs and waist. Your left leg felt tingly and weak once you put your weight on it. “Oh fuck,” you yelped as you toppled onto the floor, smacking your nose in the process. A nice thudding sound followed at the impact. Great, now my kidnapper knows I'm definitely awake. It was nice living while it lasted, I guess. As if on cue hurried footsteps caught your attention. The sound traveled throughout the mysterious place and into the room you were currently in. As you tried to untangling your legs out of the cursed sheet, you noticed the mountains and mountains of books piled in the room. Several stacks were behind the bed and there were cases of them piled on the cold floor. 

Shaking your head out of your thoughts, you tried getting up again. However, your legs still refused to cooperate with you. The floor seemed to stare back at you mockingly as you caught yourself from kissing it. Huffing, you resorted to a military like crawl to get around. One arm forward, one leg forward, pull. Now, other arm… “I see you have awakened,” an amused voice said. There, stood your captor. V. You almost laughed at the pink frilly apron tied around his waist. Almost. You sent him a glare as he stood there, amused in the predicament you were in. “I didn’t notice. Where am I?” “My home. The Shadow Gallery,” V said as he extended his arm. “May I?” Sighing, you wrapped your fingers around his arm and let him pull you up. You clutched onto his arm tightly for support. Your knees started to shake and you prepared for them to buckle beneath you for the third goddamn time. “Oh great,” you huffed as you started to fall. You screwed your eyes shut, bracing for impact. It never came. Your eyes flew open and you stood there, confused. That’s when you realized what was supporting your waist. Who was supporting your waist. V’s arm had snaked around your waist and he pulled your side into him. He rested his mask atop your head, warmth radiating off of him. You could smell the musky scent of pine from the sheets as you inhaled. Cheeks singing with heat, you mumbled a “thanks.” “Of course, I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself anymore,” he chuckled. You wanted to ignore the way his voice traveled down your spine and caused your belly to flutter.

“How long was I out for? I can’t really..walk.” “Yes I can see that,” he teased. “Roughly I’d say two days.”  Two days? Two fucking days?!  “How is your head,” V asked as he led you through the gallery. “Hurts,” you quipped, leaning on him for support. His arm was still wrapped around your waist. Not that you noticed. Several Statues and paintings filled the hall as he led you to..somewhere. You gaped in shock; famous paintings and sculptures that had been locked up were sitting here, in the Shadow Gallery. “Holy shit, V. These are..,” you guestered towards the contraband in front of you. “From the vaults of the Ministry of Objectionable Materials,” he finished for you. “How did you manage to steal them?” V chuckled, “Stealing implies ownership, you can’t steal from the censor, I merely reclaimed them.” You laughed, clever as always.

V led you to a small kitchen. A small table sat in the middle of it with the appliances behind it. Knick knacks and books filled the barren beige tiled walls. The Shadow Gallery had a homey feeling to it. Just looking at it made your heart warm. You sank into the chair V had sat you in. A couple books were open on the table along with a few newspapers strewn about. “TERRORIST DEAD!”, was one of the headlines of the paper. A picture of V’s masked face was printed, lying on the floor. You snickered. How stupid people had to be to believe that shit. “I apologize, I was going to tidy up before you woke.” You looked away from the clipping and smiled reassuringly. “It’s alright, V. Much cleaner than my apartment; there’s paint splattered everywhere and clothes around the floor.” “You enjoy painting?” His back was turned to you holding an egg. V cracked it somehow making cracking an egg elegant. It sizzled as it fell onto the pan. “Yea I do. I’m not the best but I love it. It helps me.” You watched V as he moved about the kitchen. 

His gracefulness never failed to astonish you. The spatula he was using caught the egg after he flipped it into the air. It made you smile as you watched him maneuver around the place. “Art is art. Whether or not the quality of it is excellent, it should speak what words cannot.” “Not sure you’d still say that once you looked at it,” you laughed. “I tend to make some weird things.” “I would like to see them one day, you have caught my interest,” V said, scooping the eggs on a plate. He placed a piece of toast on the plate and set it before you. That’s when you caught sight of his hands. They looked painful; they were an angry red and scars littered them. His hands looked incredibly rough and it looked like it hurt. Your heart hurt looking at them. “V,” you said softly, “are you okay?” His eyes caught the direction you were looking at. “Ah, excuse me.” He turned his back to you as he grabbed his gloves. The leather crinkled as he snapped them back on. “There, that’s better,” V said once he turned to you again, flexing his fingers as he held them in front of him. “Did you hurt your hands?” V didn’t say anything for a bit as he looked at his gloves. “Once, a long time ago. There was a fire. I’m fine now, thank you for your concern.”

The air felt tense between you two. V’s body language seemed uncomfortable at the mention of his hands, so you didn’t press any further. You dug into the egg in front of you;yolk poured out as you cut it. You hummed as you took a bite. “God, that’s good.” V chuckled, his shoulders relaxed once the topic of his skin was dropped. “Good,” he said, pouring tea into a cup. His hands were folded as he watched you munch on your toast. The taste of buttery goodness hit your tongue instantly. You looked at him shocked. “That’s...is that real butter?” “Yes, yes it is.” You stared at him, dumbfounded. “How did you..?” “A government supply train on its way to Chancellor Sutler.” Your brows shot up as you gaped at V. He said it so calmly like stealing from a dictator was a normal pastime. “You’re actually crazy. You stole..from Chancellor..Sutler..I..”

“I dare all that may become a man. Who dares more is none,” V quoted. Your brows furrowed  and your lips pulled into a frown at his words. What is he talking about? “I’m pretty sure I don’t understand that reference.” “Macbeth?” Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He probably thinks I’m an idiot. You shook your head and looked down at your food. “Not interested in the fine art of theatre?” You scarfed down your last bite of toast and egg, setting your fork down gently. If you weren’t starving you would be embarrassed of swallowing your food. V didn’t seem to mind anyways. 

“I enjoy seeing plays and things like that. I just never got the chance to read them.” You grabbed your plate and started to rise from your seat, but V stopped you. “I’ve got it Mademoiselle,” he said, grabbing your plate from your hands. “Thanks,” you replied, sitting back in your seat awkwardly. You twirled your thumbs to try and calm the butterflies in your stomach. You felt sick as you stood there. Would he be offended or embarrassed that you hadn’t studied theatre?  “I have a few of his works around the gallery, you’re more than welcome to read them if you’d like.�� The sink spat out water. You watched V scrub your plate vigorously. You had to stop yourself from laughing as you realized he’d change his gloves again to rubber yellow ones. “I would, but it’s hard for me to understand what's going on. I probably sound stupid,” you muttered. V shook his head; his hair bouncing along with it. “Nonsense my dear; just because something is difficult does not make you stupid.” You snorted. V turned to you after putting your plate away. The look in your eyes looked faraway, and empty. Underlying it was sadness and a flicker of anger. “My dad would say differently. He was religious and batshit insane.” “What about your mother,” V asked, folding the kitchen towel and hanging it back on the stove. “Cancer took her. I don’t remember her at all.” “I’m sorry to hear that.” You shrugged, “Life moves on. What can you do.” V didn’t say anything. In fact, he didn’t know what to say. He had many skills, but comfort was one he lacked. You looked so bitter as you sat there, sipping your tea. “If you’d like, I’d be happy to read one of Macbeth’s plays to you,” V said gently. Surely, that would help take your mind off of things right? You grinned, ignoring the fluttering in your heart. A distraction was what you needed and V gave you just that. “Sure!”

[ayamari-no-goshi]

Eidolon 11 | (T)

ff.net | AO3

Fandom: Danny Phantom (DP)

Summary:  AU: What started off as the result of a simple act of rebellion ends up causing his life to spin out of control. How will young Danny cope with the results as well as a past that has a strange habit of coming back to haunt him.

Warnings: rated T for violence, mentions of death, kidnapping, and various other things

Parings: hints of Danny/Sam much later on

Notes: originally uploaded to Ff.net. Cross-posted to AO3 and tumblr

11: Alternative Paths

The police officers told him they needed to ask him a few questions. What they forgot to mention was he would be locked in a small, remarkably bare room for five hours with a police officer who was dead set in viewing him as a suspect. Danny had never been more relieved to get out of a room before in his life. Yeah, he understood family members needed to be questioned due to the statistics surrounding such crimes, but seriously! Did someone as scrawny as him really look like he could have hurt Winston that badly without getting any sort of injury in the process?

However, he couldn't really blame them for being suspicious, especially when it came to his whereabouts the previous night. How do you rationally explain you were chased by a murderous robot-ghost-thing? The obvious answer was to avoid the topic all together. He hoped he was convincing enough when he said he and his friends had taken a walk in the evening and returned to Sam's house to watch some movies. He specifically avoided mentioning the park. There was no telling what the officers would think if they learned he might have been around when it got torn up. He was actually kind of surprised no one in the precinct had mentioned it.

A few times during his interview, he had nervously flattened his bangs a few times, hoping to hide the cut he had suddenly remembered getting at the beginning of his terrifying adventure. The officer interviewing him had noticed the motion, which caused him to leave it alone the rest of the time he was in the room. Surprisingly, Danny wasn't asked about it. A little wary after he was finished and allowed to exit the room, he touched the spot only to find smooth skin. It took a lot of self-control to not dash to a reflective surface and examine his forehead. There was no use in making the officers more suspicious. As weird as a missing cut was he could wait until he got home to check.

Scratch that… he could check after he found a place to stay for a while. As he was about to exit the station, an older officer kindly reminded him of the fact his house was currently considered a crime scene. After apologizing for a lack of effort from the staff for trying to contact his family and promising to personally look into it in the morning, he directed Danny to a nearby phone situated at the front desk.

Danny was a little surprised at the kind attitude of the officer as he had been dealing with a special type of dick for the past several hours, but it was a nice change. Shaking his head a little, he moved to the phone to call Sam, praying she was still awake as it was approaching midnight. Both of his friends told him they wanted an update, but with it being late and he being emotionally, physically, and mentally drained, the only topic he wanted to discuss involved where he would be staying for the night.

As he was dialing her number, the door to the station opened and a tall man strolled in. The newcomer was tall and rather thin. He wore a clean black business suit which appeared to be expertly cared for and rather expensive. Gray hair had been slicked back into a neat ponytail, and calculating cold blue eyes surveyed his surroundings. Danny dropped the phone in surprise as he realized the man in front of him was the one and only Vlad Masters.

The sound from the phone brought him to Masters' attention, causing the man to adopt an unsettling grin. "Why here you are! I've been looking all over for you!" The tone of his voice and his expression adopted a semblance of concern, but it did not reach his eyes. "I was so worried after I found out what happened to Winston. My condolences, but I'm glad you're safe and sound."

"Don't talk about Winston like he's dead!" Danny snapped. "Look, can you just go away? If you haven't realized, it's been a pretty bad day for me, and I don't feel like talking to you right now."

"Of course. How inconsiderate of me. After everything you've been through today, you must be exhausted. Come, I'll make sure you're well taken care of."

It took Danny a moment to grasp the implications of Vlad's statement. "Wait… what? There's no way I'm going with you!"

"Poor boy, you must be more tired than you realize." The businessman pinched the bridge of his nose as he let out a dramatic sigh. "Don't you remember? It was determined that you would be placed into my care if anything were to happen to Winston."

"That's news to me!"

"Excuse me, but what exactly is going on here?" The sound of the officer's voice made him jump. He had forgotten there was another soul in the room. However, he couldn't be more relieved. Being in the room alone with the businessman was an unnerving thought. It was even more relieving when he realized the officer seemed to be equally suspicious.

In a truly professional manner, Vlad introduced himself and explained his relationship to Danny as well as his involvement in the custody battle. Again, he mentioned how he was now to act as a guardian in Winston's stead.

"I already told you, I'm not going anywhere with you!" Danny growled as he glared at the man. Something was very wrong with the picture. Winston didn't trust Vlad, and there was no way he would let him fall into the billionaire's hands.

"You have to forgive the boy. We had a little spat the last time we saw each other, and I'm afraid he hasn't forgiven me," Vlad apologetically explained to the officer.

"Spat? You broke into my house?"

Before Vlad could respond, the officer held up his hand to halt the brewing argument. "Mr. Masters, do you have some sort of proof you can take the boy?" Vlad's expression quickly changed from shocked to insulted as the officer spoke. "Surely a man of your standing can understand our position. With the way Mr. Wolfe was attacked, we cannot rule anyone out as a potential suspect. With you being involved in a custody battle and Danny's status as a minor, we are rather uncomfortable sending him on his way like this. I'm also fairly certain you weren't notified of the situation…" The officer's eyes narrowed as he appraised the man. "Which leads me to wonder how you found out."

"One of my staff members was going to drop off some papers at the house when she saw the police cars and asked what happened" Vlad explained with an impatient air. "But that's not important right now…"

As he watched Vlad begin to argue with the officer, Danny couldn't help but feel a rush of gratitude. For whatever reason, the officer did not seem to believe Vlad's story and generally seemed concerned for his wellbeing.

Everything seemed to be going in his favor when Danny was nearly bowled over by a sudden blast of cold air rushed by him. Startled, he started looking around to find some possible source… and open window, a vent, something to explain it. While he tried to wrack his brains for some other answer when the normal explanations were ruled out, he noticed the officer stumble slightly. He didn't think anything of it until the man rubbed his forehead and excused himself for a moment.

Rather unsettled by the officer's display and being left alone with Vlad, Danny moved back to the phone to attempt to resume his call. Though he was able to reach Sam's house this time, a presumed butler answered and informed him that "Miss Samantha is asleep and no longer taking calls for the night." While Danny was pretty sure it was a lie, he went with it and asked the man to give a message to her when he could.

Displeased by the turn of events, he was about to try calling Tucker when the officer returned to the room. Something did not seem right as he looked at him. The man's posture seemed stiff, and his eyes were unfocused and reddish. Wait… Danny blinked and rubbed his eyes before checking again. The man's eyes were actually red! Weren't they brown before?

"Sorry for the inconvenience." The officer's voice had an unusual mechanical quality to it… almost as if the words he was saying weren't actually his. He held up a document of some sorts as he spoke again. "It seems like someone did verify this earlier, but just forgot to place it somewhere it could be found."

"Does this mean everything's in order?" Vlad asked with a voice filled with hardly concealed delight.

"Yes. You can take the boy. We'll be in touch within the next few days to let you know how Wolfe is doing."

"Splendid! Come on my boy, it's time to go!"

Danny backed away as Vlad beckoned to him, nearly tripping over the desk in the process. His mind was screaming all sorts of warnings at him. The entire situation felt wrong, but he had no idea how to escape it. Vlad was blocking his way to the front door, and he doubted the few officers left in the building would appreciate a desperate search for the rear exit.

"What did you do to him?" he demanded as his eyes darted between both men before he pointed at Vlad. He knew he probably wasn't going to get an answer, but he hoped he could stall the man long enough to come up with some sort of plan.

"Pardon me? Whatever do you mean?"

"Y-you know what I mean!" While he tried to keep the anger in his voice, it was quickly giving way to panic. Vlad kept moving towards him wearing an increasingly predatory expression which was really creeping him out. Strangely, the thought of accidently falling through the wall crossed his mind. Unsettling as it was, it was a far better situation than the one he was currently in. "The officer's not acting right!"

Vlad replied, but his words were drowned out as a strange coldness started to seep into his body, quickly filling every aspect. He tried to escape, thinking it was somehow tied to where he was standing, but his legs wouldn't respond. They felt heavy and strangely detached; his arms were beginning to feel the same way. He tried to yell out without any success. He soon realized his mind was being pushed further away from the sensations of his body and into something like a dark crevasse to be stored and forgotten.

But the coldness was not finished. It briefly brushed against his mind and seemed to whisper in an almost familiar voice, "Relax… It'll be safer for you and me if you do…"

Danny's last conscious thought before the darkness completely took him was to wonder if he was ever going to wake up.

….

When he came to, Danny found himself lying on his back and staring at an unfamiliar white ceiling. His mind felt groggy and his body heavy. Though he wasn't sure, he felt as if he had been asleep for quite some time. Sitting up, he tried to remember how he got where he was… only, he didn't know where that might be.

Looking around, he realized something wasn't right. The room he was in was rather large. It was a bedroom, not much different from Sam's, only it didn't have any posters or the same dark decorations. In fact, the room was mostly white save for some wooden furniture. Even the four-poster bed he was sitting on had a white comforter and curtains. The only real decoration in the room was a painting on the wall directly across from him which seemed to show military conquest with… a paranormal influence. It was rather grotesques.

The blank room gave him an uneasy feeling. Although it definitely wasn't, it gave him the feeling he was in a jail of sorts. Unnerved, he slowly got up and moved to the room's single window. After moving the curtains aside, he cursed as he realized the glass was heavily frosted, preventing him from seeing any scenery. His next move was to try the door, but it was locked.

After a panicked few minutes trying everything he could think of to attempt to open the door, he placed his back against the door and slid down it. What was he going to do? The better question was what was going to happen to him? With the room being blank, it gave him no indication of what he should expect. He should, he supposed, be thankful for it, but the wait might be too much for him to handle. What was the old adage? The suspense is worse than the actual event? He really hoped that wouldn't be the case.

xxxxxx

The sound of one of her parents calling for her to come into the downstairs wafted through the room, however, Sam was dead set on ignoring the summons. There were far more important things on her mind than dealing with whatever new 'daughter improvement project' they had come up with.

She was incredibly worried about her friend who neither she nor Tucker had heard from in a little over two days. At first she thought it might be due to being overwhelmed by suddenly finding out the man who raised him had been severely attacked and/or the police being jerks, but a call earlier in the day really concerned her.

She had been thinking about calling the police in the morning (while skipping class due to a feigned illness), however they beat her to the punch. Around eleven, she had received a call from one of the detectives asking her if she had heard from Danny. She told him no right before demanding to know what was wrong. Though it took a little bit of coaxing (and a reminder of her parents' influences), the officer admitted they had no idea where the boy was. He disappeared after his interview with another officer, and though they hated to admit it, after failing to contact him or anyone else who might have the boy, he was being labeled as a missing person. Her immediate response was to insult the competence of him and the rest of the force as the boy had gone missing from underneath their noses, but after she calmed down a bit, she promised to help in whatever way she could.

Sam sat down on her large purple clad bed and stared up at one of the posters on the ceiling as she tried to understand the situation. Her friend, who seemed to attract terrible and odd events, was now missing. Danny had tried to contact her the night he disappeared, but her family had forbidden her from further calls when she had returned home that night after they learned about the attack on Winston. Somehow, they had gotten the notion whatever had harmed Winston could attack her if she continued to talk to Danny. Though it was kind of nice to know they cared, they had taken it way overbroad.

But what was strange about the situation was there was no security image of Danny leaving the precinct. The officer had explained to her they had installed cameras a while back after someone had tried to break in to the office in an attempt to steal their guns. Due to safely concerns, they regularly had them checked, but the night Danny disappeared, they had a major malfunction. There was an image of him entering the entrance area, but after a few minutes, the image distorted so badly they could not make heads or tails of it. It also seemed to return to normal rather suddenly after a while, but Danny was long gone by then.

A look at the clock told her she was going to have to wait a while before she could contact Tucker. Unlike her, he had been forced to go to school. She had no idea if he already knew Danny was missing, but no matter what, he was going to help her try to find him. Tucker was the probably the only person in town who could possibly get an image off of the damaged security tape, and the only other person (besides her) who Danny had trusted with his issues. They had to try and do what they could to help him.

…

"So, any luck?" Sam asked the boy currently sitting on her rug surrounded by any number of other electronic equipment. He had been staring at the screen of his PDA with an intense look for quite some time.

She had managed to contact Tucker mere moments after he was finished with his classes for the day and explained the situation. After freaking out a bit, he told her he would be over soon after he made a quick stop. He arrived about forty minutes later looking more determined than he had ever seen him while carrying a bookbag filled to the brim with tech supplies she had never seen before. After asking if he needed anything, Tucker quickly went to work with his task.

"…Whoever did this to this footage is really good…" he eventually replied after a few more minutes of silence.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked hesitantly. It was rare to hear such a tone in Tucker's voice when it came to technology. He could usually work his way around a system in a few seconds, minutes if it was more complicated, but this was really causing him problems.

"It's hard to explain… Usually, people just modify existing images when they don't something seen, but this guy actually managed to replace some of the footage with an error screen…"

"So… it's gone… Like completely, gone? You can't trace it or anything?" There was no way for her to hide the hint of panic in her voice. If Tucker couldn't bring up anything, no one could… which meant they weren't going to have anything to use to find Danny.

A small laugh escaped Tucker, which caused her to stare at the boy. "Jeez, Sam, you shouldn't think so little of me. Who do you think I am? This guy, though good, made a small mistake. I guess he got interrupted or something because he started just covering up the image after a while instead of changing it. To most people, it's nearly impossible to catch, but it's there. Just give me a little bit of time…."

"A little bit of time?" Sam repeated as she watched him frantically work with his PDA. "How long are we talking about?"

He hit a few more buttons on the screen before he looked up and smiled. "Does 'now' work for you?"

"Tucker, you're amazing!"

"I know, I know. But it's nice to have my fans remind me."

Sam pulled down his hat in response as she sat next to him on the floor. "Anyways, do you have the entire footage?"

"I couldn't get part of it due to the replacement… but it looks like a little less than half was just modified…. So, let's see what no one wanted us to find…." He pressed a button on the screen and a fuzzy image began to appear. On the footage, they could see Danny backing away from someone standing near the door. It was difficult to make out, but judging from Danny's posture, he did not seem to be happy to see the person. After a little bit, Danny stopped retreating and followed the unknown man out the door.

Without any prodding, Tucker tried to see if he could clear the image a little or at least clear up the image of the suspect. After frantically trying several different techniques, he sighed and rubbed his eyes with his free hand. According to him, even though the person had changed methods, they were still able to damage the rest of the footage.

"I'll continue to work with it when I get home," he promised. "This is going to require some big guns for me to get something useful out of this. But don't worry; I'm not going to give up. After he saved our lives, I think this is the least I can do for him."

…..

Tucker had been booted from the house as soon as Sam's parents caught him being there. Thinking back, she was a little surprised he had managed to sneak past them in the first place since they were particularly good at catching people going up to her room. They had punished her in response by having her stay in her room for the rest of the night, which didn't bother her in the least bit.

Around seven in the evening she received a call on her cell. Noticing the number, she picked it up as quickly as possible, hoping her parents didn't hear it ringing. "Did you find anything?" she asked the caller as a form of greeting. The caller's reply was spoken too quickly and frantically for her to understand. "Whoa, slow down Tucker! I can't understand you!"

"Sam… it's worse than we thought!" came his panicked reply. "I managed to identify who was in the police station with Danny."

"Yeah? Well, who was it?"

"It was… Vlad Masters…."

Sam barely registered the phone slipping from her fingers and landing on the floor. How could she be so stupid? She knew that man had an interest in getting hold of Danny and should be the first logical suspect, but she didn't realize he would have stooped so low.

Angry with herself, she reached down to grab her phone so she could calm a frantic Tucker but stopped midway as a thought crossed her mind. How were they going to be able to get Danny back from a man who had mastered in lies with an unimaginable fortune to back him up?

=============================================================

I just wanted to point out that the way these officers are depicted is due to experience. The ones in the borough where I grew up were usually nice, but if they had it in their minds you did something wrong, you could be treated like trash. But at the same time, they're the reason why my childhood bully wasn't excepted into the NFL - they slapped him with assault charges when he decided to get into a fight while he was in college. I have mixed feelings. The officers from the neighboring borough were wonderful.

[rpbetter]

Thanks for your thoughts. Nope, I don't have another problem with the psa. It's the subtle word choice pretty much, but nothing else. I don't mind if people use me as a meme farm, so when I see psas like that or comments like that, I get upset because I associate it with people who make other blanket assumptions about all rpers, I have it linked in my head with people going around saying "rp is a hobby not a jobby" and making other assumptions about how all rpers do their thing.

Thank you for answering those questions!

The assumptive quality of the RPC can seriously be annoying as hell, especially if you're in the minority on any particular issue. When that's the case, the PSAs are so rarely geared toward you and any issues you might be experiencing that it's legitimately upsetting. I absolutely feel you on that!

I mean, obviously. Obviously lol I do. It couldn't be much clearer that I have a serious issue with the constant bombardment of PSAs insisting that we normalize shitty behaviors that are the damn norm, that we're all just losers RPing on tumblr so no one should be anxious about anything ever (instead of, you know, maybe trying to legitimately boost people's confidence, radical thought), or that anything that isn't being hostile to oneself is being hostile to everyone else.

I think the issue is that, while there is obviously a majority set of takes/issues/experiences (though, those, too, absolutely can skew toward one's particular RP corner and style), there's no way to address every instance and variable of an issue. Particularly not when anything other one paragraph is too lengthy for a lot of people here to engage with in a meaningful way.

So, I know I have to frequently ask, "is this a legitimate or hostile sort of blank-statement, or is it just addressing the majority experience? If it's the latter, is it genuinely enough of a problem to address?"

Like, did they mean that this is an experience most RPers have, or did they mean this is the only experience/is the correct and only way to do things? And that's not always answerable, of course, but when I feel like it is, it's usually found on OP's blog and RPC itself.

If OP has expressed things that are not the majority experience, expressed that they do not agree with blanket-statements, and doesn't imply with every rule, PSA, point on the DNI, and so on that to approach and proceed with RP in a way they do not is to commit some manner of terrible IRL crime? It's almost certainly that they were just expressing a majority experience and nothing more.

And in this case, yeah, as I'm sure you've noticed from being on the opposite side of this, it is the majority experience. I don't recall ever seeing very many RPers who do not espouse having an issue with having their memes and aesthetics reblogged without some manner of (rules specified if they're not a dick) interaction/relationship with the other mun. (Such as "mutuals are okay to reblog" or "I expect reblog karma and practice it.")

I don't know if there has been an influx of newer RPers or those who have migrated from more relaxed areas of the RPC, but recently, there really has been an increase in at least my corners of muns being used as resource blogs when they do not wish to be. They've all expressed in their rules their particular boundaries for that, have made overall posts politely but firmly asking that people who do not write with them and haven't even read their rules not do this, and have gone directly to the worst offenders to ask them to stop. And it continues to happen. So, I imagine that is why you might be seeing an influx of PSAs about the matter in response.

For anyone watching this conversation that might not understand why some muns are so against this, some reasons are:

clogging up their notifications

the aesthetic was their picture, edit, quote, etc. and not meant to be shared off their blog/only by the partner(s) tagged in it

when you reblog from someone, their URL is obviously attached, spreading them to another dash full of people - they might like you, but not want some of your mutuals following to their blog

their muse doesn't get much interaction, but other muns keep reblogging memes/aesthetics from them when they won't write with them or send anything in

they feel used for the above reason or any variety of other reasons

I'm really sure you know that, Anon, but I think it's important that we all understand where we're coming from because there are so many different preferences and experiences. It's really not good enough to just feel like everyone can do whatever they want, so long as it isn't harassing anyone else/they're being respectful of others. Because can feel that way all we want to while still getting upset when we lack the understanding of preferences that are extremely different, or even in opposition to our own.

We can't effectively respect each other without that sort of understanding of even the things that annoy us, you know? So, I try to promote that understanding and explain things for people who might simply see this on their dash.

Like the "hobby not jobby" thing! I don't get that, I think it has some concerning IRL connotations people are not recognizing, and it's a great way to treat other muns like shit while justifying the behavior. It's in opposition to what I do not because it exists, but rather, because it is weaponized in order to excuse bad behavior and vilify muns who do not engage with the hobby in this way. It doesn't have to exist in hostile opposition to how I enjoy RP, the use of it has made it this way, is what I'm saying.

But I understand where it came from and what it means for the more rational, adult muns here who feel this way. To them, it's just that this is an ultra casual hobby. The way I engage with RP is like a full contact sport lol it requires a lot of effort and engagement, and the effort and engagement is fun. They way they engage with RP is an act of disengaging, it is more like what watching TV is for me - they're just here for some light, quick entertainment.

Understanding this difference is understanding that not everyone who feels so casually about RP is a jackass insisting that everyone else better feel the same way, that their way is the only correct and good way. I'm still not interested in writing with them, it's far too different for that to work out, but it allows for delineating who is enjoyable on my dash/OOC that is into casual RP and who needs to stay behind a block somewhere because they think anyone who has RP as a primary hobby is trying to ruin it for them somehow, attacking them by existing, and the following list of terrible things as a person.

I think that all problems in the RPC could be drastically mitigated by a combination of understanding and mutual respect. People who are alright with others treating them like a meme resource absolutely can and should interact with people who don't feel that way without a problem, for example - all that takes is being aware of your mutual's rules and respecting them.

Damn near 100% of the PSAs out there honestly should not ever have to exist, they come down to the same factors of just exercising some easy respect for each other.

Again, the trouble often comes in at those very differing factors we need to be mindful of. When we feel like the weird one out in the RPC constantly, whether something is actually othering us or not, it starts to feel like it is. We start finding reasons and evidence, and much of the time, at least among those whose first inclination isn't to label OP as various terrible shit as a person, that takes the form of "not everyone."

Well, of course, not everyone! But unfortunately, when we are of the minority opinion/experience, we sometimes have to just realize that very thing. It isn't personal, and that while someone has caused issues coming from this side with that difference, we are not for our mutuals, so this isn't about us. We're actually doing the thing the PSA is speaking of by not pushing our preferences on others. If that PSA is just speaking from a place of the majority experience and nothing more, we're just annoyed with it for that reason and nothing else when it comes right down to it. We're just kind of sick of being in the minority opinion on this issue, and now are geared to feel like we're being hounded by most PSAs.

It's not an easy thing to get over or work with, it's not even something that gets to be faultless, but it definitely makes the experience less irritating when we can get to a point of stepping back and analyzing the situation without those emotions intensely in play. Seriously, if I allowed the issues I have with most PSAs out there to be evident by reblogging them with refutations or anger? That's all I'd spend my time doing, that'd be my hobby and not actual RP...and I'd absolutely be the most hated and blocked mun on tumblr in short order no matter how valid my points were. (And, I think, with good reason, I really do not support reblogging that sort of thing with negative commentary.)

What helps? Make your own positive PSA about your experience! Make one of those "reblog if" posts, I have never seen one that says "reblog if...you are alright with your mutuals reblogging memes and aesthetics from you without reblog karma."

I'm being dead serious, I encourage you to do that! It's great when you're of the minority opinion and do something like that because you can literally see not only that you're not alone at all but also that it's made other people feel seen. If you do that, let me know, I'll reblog it, even.

[plushpixels]

Hi again :) I was wondering if you have any tips on editing? I’ve been reading your story since the beginning and you have improved greatly!! I just started using photoshop, so still figuring everything out.

Hello-hello :) First of all, thank you for reading my legacy, I feel really grateful, honestly :3 Now to the business.

I’m not sure how useful of tips I can give to someone who’s just starting with PS, cause there’s a lot to look into about it.

• If I were new to PS I’d start with understanding adjustments layers and their effects, cause these guys will be the main thing in every editing. There are a lot of tutorials out there, especialy videos on youtube,  which explain it so much more efficiently than I could possibly do in a tumblr post. If you’re not feeling like getting too deep into this whole topic, look for different .psd and photoshop actions for editing, tthere are a lot out there, they’re also good as a base to understanding the whole thing.

• Then I’d look into Topaz Clean plug-in, this one helps to clean and sharpen your images, I wrote about it and how I use it >here

• Then, it doesn’t really have anything to do with PS, but pay attention to in-game lighting. And I don’t only mean all kinds of No-Blu lighting mods, but actually all the lamps in your sims’ house. I realized the whole power of this instrument not so long ago, and it affects the quality of my screenshots so much, it’s ridiculous. Here’s a link to a very helpful tutorial, which explains this topic in detail. Basically, the better your source screen is, the easier it will be to edit it, so I wouldn’t ignore this step :3

• Avoid too bleached lights as well as too dark/black shadows, unless you’re going for the effect. Both of these will make later editing hurt..

• Mind your sharpening tools - sharpness is good, it gives your image polished look, but over-sharpening will kill your every effort.

• Look into overlay textures (google it x) there are light effects, dust effects, noise effects, scratches, shadows, blooms, camera bleaches, vignettes, color gradients - find what you like and go for it, they will no only give your images depth, but may also help you find your own style.

•This will be my last tip, but not least. Go for your own thing, ask this same ask to different simblrs who’s editing you like, see what different answers you’ll get, try all the different stuff and make your own mixture out of it, so people would come to you asking for your unique tips :)

This was it for boring general tips x) If you were referring more to what I personally do for my images, then my routine after taking a screenshot is:

• I crop my image to what I need it to look like;

• I run Topaz Clean actions from the post I linked you to;

• Resize to 1200 px wide for my story posts, and to whatever else for the rest of them;

• Run my own sharpen action which is for the High Pass filter of PS;

• At this point I do the basic editing: I fix the contrast/brightness balance, tune the colors to my liking. (I prefer cooler shades of skin for example, and love when my pictures have a little bit of periwinkle/pinkish tint). I mostly use Curves, Levels, Color Balance, Selective Color, Photofilter adjustment levels here, it really depends of the quality of the source image here.

• Next step is my curse, cause I draw shadows, highlights, hair strands on my images. I tried it once, got addicted and I wish I could not be doing it, but alas. I do it by hand on my tablet, it’s time consuming, I wouldn’t recommend 😝 

• Final part are overlays I mentioned above, sometimes I make light rays, sometimes I draw dust particles, sometimes I do noise; it all depends.

 And that’s about it, I think, I hope it was helpful? :)

[eryiss]

Request: Portrait of a Lightning God

Summary: With a crappy job and no financial support, Laxus needs money. On Bickslow and Evergreen's advice, he goes for an audition to model for the reclusive painter Freed Justine. A man he knows nothing about, but finds himself enthralled by. [Fraxus One Shot]

This was part of a prompt based request thing I'm doing, based off of a request where Freed is a painter and Laxus is a model. It was made by Tumblr user: @alex-is-wily. I hope you all enjoy and if you have a request please leave a comment or maybe go to the ask box.

You can read this on FanFiction, Archive of our Own, or under the cut. Hope you enjoy it ^.^

Portrait of a Lightning God

Laxus couldn't quite believe he had resorted to this.

He was standing in an art studio, with another man looking him up and down. This was a situation unfamiliar to Laxus, and one far from his comfort zone. The man inspecting him didn't seem to be at all bothered by Laxus' discomfort, either because he had been in this situation before and was used to it, or simply because he was the type of man who didn't take other people's feelings into account. Laxus hoped it wasn't the latter; if this went well, the two men would be spending a lot of time together.

That was the nature of being a painter's model.

The whole thing was Bickslow and Evergreen's idea. Since leaving college, Laxus had been unemployed and using his family's money to get by. Apparently Makarov had gotten sick of that and cut him off. The only job Laxus had managed to get hadn't paid well, just enough to keep him in his apartment and eating. But it was unstable. His friends' solution was to pick up some extra money by modelling.

He had immediately discounted the idea, but they had been prepared; very prepared. They'd found an ad online from a painter needing a model for an upcoming painting. They had done a background check on him; the artist was respected, and previous models had only good things to say. They'd even gone so far as to contact him so they could get a better understanding of what Laxus would actually need to do. Apparently it should take four sessions, it would happen in the countryside, and would involve no nudity; Evergreen apparently knew that would have been one of Laxus' first questions.

There was no reason to say no. Annoyingly.

So now he stood in the painter's studio, allowing the man to inspect him. Laxus wasn't entirely sure what the inspection was for, as he had already sent the man pictures of himself and had been accepted for the job. Based on the multiple poses Laxus had been told to make – all just different ways of standing – he assumed this was a brainstorming session.

"Cross your hands in front of you and look down," The painter instructed, and Laxus complied.

He had looked into who the man was. His name was Freed Justine, he was a growing name in the art world (if the articles about him were to be believed) and apparently favoured landscapes to anything with an actual person in it; there was obvious exceptions, but not many. His private life was something of a mystery, apparently, and he had gained the reputation of a recluse.

Laxus hadn't accepted that and had also gotten in contact with one of Freed's previous models; a woman named Mirajane. She spoke highly of him, both as a painter and as a person, and had encouraged Laxus to try it out. From their conversation, Laxus surmised he was a good man, but could be standoffish. He was certainly seeing that.

A small hum broke Laxus' thoughts.

"I think that might be it," Freed said, apparently to himself. "You can relax now."

Laxus did so and looked behind him towards the painter. He had walked to a drafting table and sketched a quick figure in the same pose that Laxus had just taken. It only took a few moments and was nothing more than a series of lines and ovals, but it was certainly Laxus; the blonde couldn't help but be impressed.

"You said that you're free on Wednesdays and the weekends, correct?" He asked, looking towards Laxus.

"Yeah," Laxus nodded. "The other days I start at eight and finish at five."

"Okay. I'll email you the time and places ill require you, and I'm sure we can discuss our meetings further that way," He stood up and reached into his back pocket, pulling out his wallet. Laxus frowned as he picked out a selection of notes and offered them to him; it was around a hundred dollars altogether.

"I didn't think I was getting paid for today?" Laxus asked; not yet taking the money.

"I need you in certain clothing; a black exercise shirt and black jeans. I could attempt you guess your sizes, but this seems easier," He offered the money again. "Make sure its high-quality fabrics, and if this isn't enough tell me and I'll reimburse you for what I owe."

"And if it comes under?"

"Consider it a bonus," Freed shrugged. "I'd appreciate it if you got them quickly, though. Ideally I'd like to start on Saturday."

"Sure," Laxus nodded. "There anything else you need from me?"

"Not today. As I said, I can email you with the details of where you'll need to be and when," Freed placed his pencil down and looked Laxus in the eye for the first time. He was smiling a little. "I look forward to working with you, Mr Dreyar."

"Err, you too," Laxus muttered awkwardly.

Freed didn't walk Laxus to the door, but the blonde didn't care. As he walked, he played with the money in his pocket absently; this was the most disposably income he'd had since being cut off. And definitely too much for what Freed had wanted him to buy. He decided that he would buy the clothes immediately; he'd use some of the remaining money on getting a pizza or something for his dinner. It would be great not eating something not from a microwave.

After leaving the studio, he thought about Freed. Mirajane had been right; he could be blunt and seemingly uncaring, but he wasn't exactly rude. And logic dictated the more time they spent together, the less awkward it would be. It wouldn't be nearly as bad as Laxus had expected it to be.

The guy had a nice smile, too.

-~---~-

If it hadn't been obvious from his studio, Freed had an incredibly keen creative eye.

This was the only conclusion Laxus had made when he first saw where he would be modelling. He had managed to find a small, private lake outside of the city. It had an old wooden dock on it which, which looked at from a certain angle, stood directly in front of a large mountain. He had managed to find this location, and gotten permission to use it, within three days. It was… incredibly impressive to do so.

After Freed had explained what he wanted Laxus to do – stand on the edge of the dock in the same pose he had done in the studio – the blonde had asked why he hadn't organised a location beforehand. Apparently he had, and the original idea had been to paint him on the top of a city rooftop, but Laxus was better suited to a more natural environment, as he was a more earthy figure. Laxus didn't know if this was a compliment, an insult or just an observation, so he decided just to ignore the comment and do what the painter wanted.

That had been over an hour ago, they hadn't spoken since.

Laxus hadn't known any creative people in his life, so didn't know what exactly to do. He had decided that he would remain quiet, staying in the pose, as this was safe. Freed seemed level headed, but artists could be volatile and Laxus didn't want to risk angering the man. His work has staff rescheduling and Laxus knew he was at risk, so money was tighter than normal.

It was boring, but not difficult work. The post wasn't taxing on his body, and Freed had allowed him a single earphone so he could at least listen to music. It was essentially as expected. He was standing still; Freed was painting him.

"I should apologise," Freed spoke suddenly, and Laxus almost broke the pose.

"Why?" He asked after a few seconds to think.

"I was not welcoming when you came to my studio," Freed explained, and Laxus glanced at him. he was still painting. "When your friends contacted me, they explained this wasn't something you've done before, and you might not be comfortable. I didn't take that into account, that wasn't fair of me."

"You don't need to worry about that," Laxus placated.

"Perhaps," Freed agreed, and Laxus frowned a little. "But still, I apologise. I've been stressed for the last few months and I haven't been the most respectful person."

"Well, don't beat yourself up over it," Laxus assured him. He waited a moment before speaking again. "What's got you stressed out?"

"I have an exhibition in a month, it's in the biggest gallery in town. Well, other than museums, but they hardly count if you're an artist with an actual pulse," Freed explained, and Laxus chuckled. "But it's high profile, and I have to please them to keep in good faith. They want twenty exhibits altogether, and I'm not as prepared as I would like to be."

"You far behind?"

"I've finished sixteen of the twenty so far."

"That ain't too bad," Laxus said, glancing up at Freed again. He still hasn't stopped painting despite their conversation, so it wasn't too much of a distraction. "When did you start?"

"Eight months ago," Freed sighed, and Laxus winced a little. That meant about an average of two paintings a month, and now he had a month to do four.

"That could be worse," Laxus attempted to assure him, and Freed stopped painting to look at him with a slight raised eyebrow. His tone must not have been convincing. "Do you think you can make it."

"I'm sure I can," Freed sounded resigned. "I just don't want to sacrifice quality."

"Well, I'm sure whatever you do, you'll manage to make it good," Laxus was surer of his words now. "From what I've seen of your stuff, you're pretty good. And the critics seem to like you, especially that Jason guy. He just couldn't stop talking about how great you are."

"He' an enthusiastic man," Freed chuckled. "But still, this exhibition is like a test. Artists who had better respect than me tried filling that hall. If it doesn't work, they were classed as over-hyped and forgotten by the end of the month. I'd rather than not happen with me."

"Well, good luck I guess," Laxus didn't know what else to say. But the quiet was deafening. "And you really don't need to worry about upsetting me; I can take a bit of rudeness. I was a pretty big asshole as a teenager, it'd be hypocritical if I was sensitive about it."

"I suppose it would," Freed nodded, before smirking a little over his canvas. "Well, I'll be sure to treat you like dirt then, if that's what you want."

"Can't picture that," Laxus challenged, glancing up again. "I mean you felt so guilty about making me uncomfortable. I mean you must have been worrying about it the moment I left the door, ya might have even lost sleep. But sure, if you wanna upset me, you try your best."

"Don't misinterpret my politeness as being passive. It will not end well for you," Freed warned, and Laxus let out a single laugh. "Unrelatedly, that pose isn't working. You seem to be healthy enough unless your muscles are simply for vanity. Perform a handstand, quick as you can. I'm sure a man like you can sustain it for a few hours."

Laxus laughed, waited a few seconds and glanced at Freed. The artist was looking at him expectantly, no sign of a joke on his features. Laxus broke the pose, a little disbelieving.

"You're serious?" His voice was a little panicked.

A moment passed before Freed smirked again and looked down to his canvas. Laxus let out a little breath of relief before laughing and getting back into the pose. He was smiling this time and hoped that it wouldn't ruin the painting in anyway, because he couldn't seem to fight it. At least he felt a lot more comfortable now.

"Asshole," He laughed.

"I suppose," Freed agreed, and that made Laxus smile wider. "But if you doubt me again, I can assure you I'll follow through with any threats I make. You'll find my desire to be spiteful supersedes my desire to be successful."

"I don't doubt it," Laxus laughed again.

He smiled for the rest of the session.

-~---~-

The more Laxus got to know Freed, the more he liked him.

Over the weeks they had been meeting up for the modelling sessions, they had spoken a lot. Sometimes about Freed, sometimes about Laxus, and sometimes about whatever came to mind. The sessions had lasted hours, so it was hard to remember what exactly all their conversations had been about, but Laxus enjoyed them all. Freed made him laugh, made him feel comfortable, and made him look forward to their sessions together. He loved being around the other man.

He didn't need to go to every session anymore, but he still did. Apparneltly Freed had drawn him first and had planned to do the background after; his usual way of painting models. But Laxus insisted that he be there just in case he needed to make an adjustment and needed him there. It was an excuse, Laxus just enjoyed Freed's company.

Maybe Freed knew this. Laxus didn't mind if he did.

Laxus had grown attracted to Freed and thought perhaps Freed felt the same way. He hadn't spoken about it; he wasn't the type to let his feelings be known. Certainly not when there was a risk of fucking things up between the two of them. Being friends was better than nothing.

But still, the blonde couldn't help but think that maybe something was happening between them. Freed hadn't once questioned why Laxus wanted to be there when he didn't need to be and seemed to welcome the company. They'd gone to coffee a few times, once after a session and once just because Freed had offered. Even as he watched Freed paint, it didn't exactly feel platonic. Though the wine the two were drinking might have contributed to that.

God, were they having a picnic weren't they? This was close to being a date. That was too much to think about.

A he glanced to Freed, he frowned a little. He had noticed that the conversation was somewhat one sided. He had put it down to Freed being engrossed in his work, it had happened from time to time. But previously, Freed hadn't worn the worried expression on his face. His hands hadn't been tensed. And he hadn't drunk three glasses of wine within a two-hour period.

"Okay," Laxus sighed after a while, taking the paintbrush out of Freed's hand. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Freed said immediately.

"Fucking lie to me again, Justine. See what happens?" It was perhaps a little confrontational. But Freed could be a closed book when he wanted to be, and Laxus was slightly buzzed from the wine. It seemed to work, as Freed's facial expressions went from challenging to resigned.

"It's just… I haven't had this much trouble painting something in a while. It's bothering me," Freed sighed, looking at his painting.

Laxus couldn't agree with Freed, the painting looked great. Only half of the background was completed, but it was done very well. And the figure that he had been modelling for looked great as well. Perhaps he was just the type of person who was overly critical of their work, although that didn't seem consistent with what he knew about the man. Freed had a lot of confidence in himself and wasn't the type to shy away from his own pride.

"What can I do to help?" He asked; he was better at solutions than sympathy. "I can get back up there and see if that helps."

"Perhaps. Thank you."

Laxus nodded and walked to the small wooden dock. He got back into his pose and didn't speak for a while, knowing that it would help Freed get back into a creative mindset. Glancing up without moving his head, he saw that Freed was painting again, so decided that remaining quiet would be for the best. Freed's deadline from the gallery was getting closer, and it was only fair he did what he could to help him out.

He looked down again and allowed Freed to paint. This continued for a little while – around ten minutes, if Laxus was guessing correctly – until Laxus heard a small scuffling sound. He frowned and looked up. As he did so, Freed shouted.

"Fuck!" His voice echoed as he stepped over his upturned easel.

Freed hadn't sword often, and the visceral tone in which he had said it shocked Laxus. He left the dock immediately and walked to Freed, who had chosen to pace around the small clearing of dirt that he and Laxus had been sitting on. His jaw was clenched tight, eyes unblinking, and breath slightly audible. He was clearly incredibly stressed out.

"Woah," Laxus said, grabbing Freed by the shoulders and stopping him. "What happened?"

"It's wrong," Freed snapped. "When I started it, I thought I had the idea down. But I don't, and I've been painting it wrong basically since we began. This was meant to be the focus point of the exhibit, and it's a conventional piece of bullshit. A child could have done this."

Laxus would disagree, but Freed didn't need that. "Can you fix it?"

"Not without starting over," Freed sighed.

"Well, what exactly would you do differently, what's wrong with it?" Laxus asked. Maybe if Freed explained why he didn't like it; he would figure a way to fix it.

"There's no personality in it. No honesty. There's none of-" Freed cut himself off, before thinking a moment. "There's none of you in it. not really."

"What d'you mean."

"I mean… I decided to stage it here because I thought nature reflected who you were, do you remember that?" Laxus nodded. "Well, look at it. You can't see your face, you're in a pose I chose before I knew anything about you, you're in clothes that I chose for you. It doesn't reflect who you are even slightly. You're supposed to be the focus of the exhibition and I've made it so you could be replaced by basically any man in the country."

That was… a lot. Laxus hadn't known he was important in Freed's exhibition; he really had just thought that he was just the model for one of the paintings. Obviously Freed had thought otherwise, and just hadn't mentioned it.

"Okay," Laxus said after a moment. "We've got a week left. That enough time to start again with a new idea?"

"Don't be-"

"Is it enough time?" Laxus asked again.

"It's…" Freed sighed, thinking. "I could paint something in a week, and it could be good. But I'd have to work almost constantly, and you've actually got a job so… It just wouldn't be feasible."

"I'll quit," Laxus shrugged, and Freed's head snapped towards him. "I'll quit, then I can be here as much as you need me."

"What?" Freed asked, apparently blind sighted.

"The boss says three people are getting laid off at the end of the month anyway. He hates me and I'm not great at what I do, so I'm basically gone already," Laxus shrugged. "Why give them any more of my time, right?"

"And if you're wrong."

"Hate working for the place anyway. This would've been the kick I needed to get out and move on."

Freed waited for a moment, thinking. "Are you sure?"

"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't," Laxus assured, and the tone he spoke left no room for argument.

"Thank you," Freed smiled, and Laxus' stomach flipped.

He would do perhaps anything for that smile.

-~---~-

The difference between Freed when he had his freak out and how he was after he restarted his picture was like night and day. It was almost jarring, but Laxus was loving it. To see him so content, wrapped up in his creativity, was a sight to behold.

Laxus would stay here forever if he could.

There was a clear difference between the first painting and this, particularly in how Laxus was posing. Freed had insisted he wear his favourite outfit, and Laxus had complied. He was dressed in tattered combat boots; the same black jeans he had brought with Freed's money (they'd quickly grown to be his favourite); a purple shirt he'd owned for a while; and his long fur lined coat. Bickslow had seen him before he left that day, and claimed the outfit was quintessential Laxus.

Freed seemed pleased with Laxus' choice and smiled when he first saw him. The only adjustments he had made was requesting Laxus unbutton his shirt, so his stomach and chest were visible, apparently making Laxus seem more in tandem with nature. Laxus had done so without argument.

It was funny. If he had been told that would be his outfit when he met Freed, he would have turned down the job offer without hesitance.

His pose was different too. No longer was he looked down with his hands crossed. Instead his right arm was raised straight into the air and his fist was clenched, and he was looking directly at Freed; he compared it to looking down the lens of a camera. He was no longer standing on the dock anymore, instead he was on the shore of the lake, the water reaching to the middle of his shins. The tail of his coat pooled around him, and the chill was obvious, but he didn't care.

The speed in which Freed was painting was faster than he had in all of their time in the first version of the scene. And all throughout, Freed had been talking and smiling. Laxus hadn't realised that the longer they had worked on the first painting, the more subdued Freed had become. Now, he seemed more alive again.

Laxus was relishing in it.

"So," Laxus asked, keeping the smirk on his face as he spoke. Freed had requested the expression as well. "You gonna let me see anything today?"

They had been doing this for days, but Freed hadn't once shown Laxus what he had painted. With the first version he hadn't been shy of showing Laxus, but apparently this was different. When he had asked Freed why this was, he had been told that this was an honest reflection of how Freed saw Laxus, and that Laxus could see it only when it was complete. Laxus understood why this was but found himself craving an insight as to how Freed saw him.

"Potentially," Freed said, and Laxus' heart quickened. When he had asked before, the answer had been a flat no.

"Really, you're close to being finished?"

"I think so. Close enough that I might show you, at least," Freed smiled a little, and Laxus felt a thrill go through him. "We'll probably have to come back here tomorrow though, to finish on the finer details. So don't expect a day off."

"You're harsher than my old boss, y'know that?" Laxus laughed.

"I take it as a compliment."

Again, Laxus laughed before setting his face into the expression that Freed wanted from him. Even with the arm raised into the air, he hadn't had any trouble holding the pose; although his workouts had suffered slightly on his arm. Perhaps he was being sentimental, but he thought that maybe this was because he was looking directly at Freed's face, and watching the artist's content expression as he worked was hypnotic. The first day he had been posing for hours – with breaks, Freed wasn't so cruel as to keep him still constantly – and it had gone by in the blink of an eye.

That was an issue that plagued them both again, as time seemed to be rushing by. The two kept talking as Freed worked, and Laxus was in a constant battle to keep a smile from beating out his smirk. It was almost therapeutic; a sensation helped by the slight movement of water and the ambience of the nearby insects.

This relaxation broke at the sound of thunder.

Both Freed and Laxus perked at the sudden rumbling, and Laxus looked behind him. Clouds had formed above them, and it looked as though it was going to start raining. Laxus frowned a little at that.

"You think we should call it a day?"

"Probably safest," Freed said, already standing up and removing the painting from the easel.

They were quick to get back to the car, as they felt the first drops of light rain hit their skin. It wasn't heavy yet – not nearly heavy enough to damage the painting – but they both wanted to be sure. Laxus was quick to put the easel and paints that he was carrying into the trunk, securing them so that they wouldn't move around and be damaged as Freed drove. They had done this before, and had it down to a fine art.

But as the rain got heavier, their routine was disrupted slightly. Freed handed Laxus the painting without a word, and Laxus took it without thinking. It took him a moment to realise that, with Freed giving it him, it was also giving him permission to see it. he held it out under the protection of the trunk's door, and his breath hitched.

It was fantastic.

In his hands, Laxus held the only piece of art he truly cared for. He was at a loss for words as he looked at the detailed mixture of colours and inks and paints, all stemming from Freed's talent.

The painting focused on him. He was standing in the lake, arm raised to the sky, surrounded by nature. But it wasn't just a recreation of what Freed had seen. Thunderous clouds had been painted in the sky, almost swirling despite being still. A beam of erratic, powerful looking lightning slammed from the sky, hitting Laxus' raised fist and stammering down his arms. Flicker of lightning danced across any exposed part of Laxus' skin that could be seen and reflected off the lake. The colours around him were somewhat subdued and natural, but he seemed vivid and bright. His eye practically shone on the page.

"What do you think?" Freed asked, and he almost sounded nervous.

"It's fucking…" The words wouldn't come to Laxus. "It's amazing. You erm- You said you wanted to reflect more of me in this one, right?"

"I did," Freed nodded, voice still a little nervous. But he was calm. "When I look at you, Laxus, I see lightning. I- if I'm honest with myself, I see someone sharp, fast, exhilarating, powerful. You overwhelm me, Laxus. You are electrifying in a way that I can't quite put into words. I hope my art can make up for that."

Laxus still held the painting, looking at it with wide eyes. The rain beat down on his back, but he paid no mind to it. Freed thought he was overwhelming. Ironic, considering that was exactly how Laxus felt.

"Does it have a name?" Laxus asked, voice a little hoarse.

"I wish to call it 'The Lightning God.'"

That was the final straw for Laxus. He placed the painting in the trunk of Freed's car, stalked towards the artist and wrapped his arms around him. One snaked around Freed's waist, the other placed on the back of the man's head. He pushed their bodies together and pressed his lips against Freed's into a soft, passionate kiss. The rain beat down on the two men as Freed also moved, leaning into Laxus and kissing back.

That moment was timeless, and Laxus' senses were on fire. He could feel exactly what Freed had described. Everything was sharp and exhilarating and overwhelming and electric. Laxus couldn't have hoped for more.

As they kissed, thunder roaring around them and crackled of electricity lighting up the sky, Laxus saw the accuracy of the painting's title. If Freed thought that Laxus was the lightning in the painting, then Laxus deemed Freed the God. He was the creator, the man who had brought beauty to the world in his actions. What better god could there be?

And, as the painting had clearly proven, beautiful things happened when you mixed lightning and a god.

[missholson]

SHIP HISTORY MEME

Embrace your past and get to know your friends’ fandom origins!

Rules: Post gifs of your fandoms / ships starting with your most current hyperfixation and work backwards. (Bonus points if you share any stories about how or when you got into that ship! But not necessary!!) Then tag anyone whose fandom history you’d like to learn about!

Tagged by the sweet @unwillingadventurer​, thank you girls! <3

Hoffmann & Tennstedt (Das Boot) The baby face & the stone face. :) The biggest reason for this series is my sister, who tried to lure me into the fandom already last summer by showing the first episode. Sadly it was a far too distressing experience. The story is about a WW2 German warfare, so it isn’t very light entertainment for Saturday night. The show seemed like a worth watching production, though, but I doubted if I could ever watch it completely. After visiting Berlin now in February 2020 there was no hesitation anymore. The story focuses on the Nazi German submarine, U-612, and the occupied city of La Rochelle in France. However, not everything is as black and white as one might expect. One of the biggest messages of the show is that war is always brutal, no matter which side you fight. The innocent are always suffering. It also shows how the ideal thoughts of warfare crumble, if it comes at the cost of greed, deception, health or life. There is disagreement among the leaders on boat, too. The new commander, kaleun Klaus Hoffmann, is young and inexperienced but kind-hearted and wise. Next on the scale, IWO Karl Tennstedt, is an experienced sailor and an glory-seeking soldier, who envies Hoffamann's position. He regards Hoffmann as incompetent and a disgrace to Germany. So, there is plenty of tension between these two!

Louis & Philippe (Versailles) I started watching the show sometime in 2015, but found it quite distasteful. It was more brutal than expected, and I was overwhelmed by people's greed and dirty behavior, so I stopped watching after a few episodes. Every now and then I saw pics/gifs on Tumblr, especially of Monsieur and Chevalier, that I finally wanted to give another chance in January 2020.  This time the experience was the opposite, and I got a better grip on the story. I was surprised how little I liked the popular Monchevy pair and, instead, so much the quarreling brothers. I was very moved when they joked with each other and showed brotherly love. In the scenes of conflict, I missed their compassion. I haven't watched the rest of seasons 2-3 yet, so I don't know if they get better. I hope so because together they would be a powerful duo.

Matt & Cherry (Red River) I had recorded Red River (1948) on my set-top box, and the closing date was expiring in December 2018. It was Montgomery Clift’s breakthrough movie, so it was a must see. The movie was a refreshingly different western, where the hero is not a macho cowboy and John Wayne a bad guy for a change. But most of all, I was amazed how Cherry Valance's behavior towards Matt Garth was so heavily double entendre. At first they are presented as challengers and opponents of each other. Slowly Cherry starts to show admiration for Matt, and increasingly talks about his gun. In return, Matt needs Cherry's shooting skills to herd cattle. Eventually they become each other's trusted ones. I always find it fascinating, if tension begins to develop between the opposing characters. If the story has a couple that doesn't change, develope or lacks dynamics, it probably won't arouse interest.

Fritz & Dr. Frankenstein (Frankenstein) I had seen a Tumblr gif of Renfield crawling in Dracula (1931) in August 2018. It was Dwight Frye’s breakthrough role. The movie inspired me to watch other Universal monster movies, of which Frankenstein (1931) became my favorite. The work pair of the story, these two outcasts of society, melted my heart. For unexplained reason they have joined their forces and seem to be working well together. They have a mutual partnership, where they can act naturally without fear. Their work is unique, e.g. digging the graves or snatching hanged bodies, but they treat it like any other dayily job. Somehow, I like this way of approach. Actually I have written about Fritz already earlier, where I take a closer look at their relationship. The text can be read here.

Adrian & Antony (Sebastiane) Well, this couple is a specialty of its own. They are another ones found through Tumblr. I saw a picture of them in June 2018 which led me to watch the film. In terms of story or acting, it's not a very special movie but technically professional level. First of all, it was shot under the blazing Sicilian sun on 35 mm film. The light is a vital factor when using a film camera, so the pictures look very rich. The scenes, where these two are having fun together in slow motion, are breathtaking. I had never seen anything like it before and, in my opinion, stole all the attention of the story since they were just characters in supporting roles. It was like a gay paradise on earth.  Here I realize the importance in the way how the characters are presented. The technical presentation can play a surprisingly huge role when we try to read and understand the characters. It can influence us either to share their thoughts or to move even further away from them. Bonus points I give for Latin, which the entire cast is speaking in the film. I would also like to clarify that this is not a p**n movie or a family movie either. It’s a gay erotic story with some full frontal nudity.

Reinhold & Conrad I’m not sure if this is a ship or fandom, but I feel extreme warmth and joy for this pair (the Berlin trip may have something to do with this). They are also the only people from real life instead of characters. I’d like to share my story about them, unfortunately it's very long (I've never been a fluent writer) but explains my interest in more detail. I got to know Conrad Veidt already in high school at the turn of the millennium, the time before DVDs. Near the school there was a buy-sell-exchange movie shop, where my sister and I visited regularly. Somehow we ended up with the idea that we wanted to see The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920), so we went to the store again. There was no copy, as expected, but the seller said he would keep in mind if one came up. Months passed and after a long break we visited our regular place again. This time, the man had news for us: he had received a copy and kept it in safe for us. We couldn’t believe our eyes and ears. First of all, the kindness of the man made us speechless, and secondly, we never thought we would get our own copy of such popular rarity. At that time movies were not re-released as often as they are today. It was a VHS cassette, bw, not tinted like the original version, and its quality was far from the 4K richness and sharpness. My sister still has the tape and is one of the treasures she will never give away. For years the film was the only Conrad movie we saw, along with Casablanca - until the digital age and the social media arrived. Again I have to thank Tumblr, where I found the actor Anton Walbrook. One of his most famous films, Viktor und Viktoria (1933), is directed by Reinhold Schünzel, whom I knew from Conrad's film Different from the Others (1919). I began to study Reinhold's background more closely in December 2017, and it turned out that he is a forgotten multi-talent in the film industry: He was a versatile performer in comedies and dramas, a prolific director and an idea-rich screenwriter. He had an eye for creating stories that were told in the minds of people in addition to acting and lines. He questioned gender roles and built juicy plot twists around them. He loved theater and was a popular celebrity in 1920’s Germany. He was also a colleague and friend of Conrad. They began their film careers at the same time in Richard Oswald's films, shared the ups and downs, even their wardrobe, and reached fame. Eventually they both had to emigrate from the national socialist Germany, so their paths parted. The following reunions were always a joy, “like the meeting of comrades who fought in many wars together”. Reinhold was supposed to direct Conrad’s first film at MGM in Hollywood, but the plans were changed. They never got to work together since the German years, when Conrad died suddenly. “Part of my life is gone forever”, as Reinhold wrote in his tribute to Connie's death in 1943. He returned to Germany in the end of 1940s and died in Munich in 1954. This is why they are so precious to me and why I find it important to share the memory of these two lifelong friends. The picture is from Eerie Tales (1919), one of their earliest movies together with the director: Reinhold, Richard and Conrad. Reinhold’s full tribute can be read here.

I’m tagging: @wohlbruecks, @perfides-subjekt, @kennyboybarrett, @chapinfan69​, @electricnormanbates​, @ars-historia-est​, @suchamiracle-does-exist​ and anyone who likes to do it. Would you like to share your stories behind your otps? :)

[mystic-kitten-writer]

You’re so sweet for being so reassuring and not minding at all how I ramble about astrology 🧡 I’m very flattered with how you said how observant I am, thank you for that! But oh my gosh, please, there’s nothing to be jealous about. I personally feel like I get bogged down by details that at times I get too caught up and the bigger picture gets overlooked. (1/9)

And Zuko really is the poster child of a Mars man, you summed it up perfectly!! I am far from being an expert, but I love the validation you shower me with 🥰 Though I actually would love to reach a level where I can offer chart readings to anyone interested and have it be some kind of little side job one day. But ahh, there’s still so much I have to learn, from traditional to modern, it’s a discipline really worth getting into. (2/9)

I’ve never really thought about Azula’s nor Mai’s sign. Now I really want to think + look into it! It would be fun to analyze how that affected their dynamic with Zuko. I’ve been meaning to do a rewatch of the entire series due to quarantine, but even with staying home, there’s still school. And I find myself more stressed and not in the proper headspace to do a whole rewatch + be able to appreciate it properly. Idk if that made any sense, but hopefully I get over it soon. (3/9)

I’m hypothesizing that Azula has strong Leo/Scorpio to her, though she shows the negative qualities. She’s very loud, loud as in she makes people take notice of her + seeks praise/basks in any praise given to her, feeling entitled to all of it. Though I have to give it to her, she has this compelling vibe to her, so her entitlement is valid. She’s also cunning + manipulative and is a master at being so. Though none of that is her fault, she just really didn’t know any better. (4/9)

I would associate Mai’s no bull-shit attitude with Capricorn/Aquarius. I actually haven’t read the comics but her no bull-shit persona shines in the series and it’s fantastic! She’s not upfront with her feelings, but blunt with everything else. At the same time, she didn’t have a problem with stepping up when needed, such as stepping up to Azula. All of which fit into the archetypes of Cap/Aqua. And I agree communication between her and Zuko would be crucial for understanding between them. (5/9)

Those are my best guesses, I’ll get back to you more on how their signs played into their interactions with Zuko when I get to rewatching the series later! Yue’s gentleness comes from her Venus energy, and it’s wonderful how it allows Zuko’s inner Cancer to be visible. I also just realized Yue’s Libra energy and Zuko’s Aries energy play a part as to why they’re so appealing to each other too. They are opposites that just absolutely complement each other! (6/9)

Oh, I’m a Taurus + Libra moon + Sagittarius ascendant! Thanks for being curious ☺️ Going back to how you said you’re a Scorpio and your sister is a Taurus, I can relate. My mom is a Scorpio, and similarly, it took growing up for me to understand where my mom is coming from because we used to disagree on a bunch of things. I don’t have a proper explanation for it tbh. Other than the fact that Taurus and Scorpio are naturally opposites, so misunderstandings can easily arise. (7/9)

Though funny enough, I have a lot of people in my life that have Scorpio in their chart, and I’ve read a few times that if signs that naturally oppose each other make the effort to connect, then the connection is extraordinary. And as a Taurus, the people who positively affected me most are people with Scorpio energy, so I guess it’s the universe’s way of bringing balance. (8/9)

Omg, all of my asks basically make up a whole essay on astrology, and I really can’t believe I typed all that out. But thank you for sharing my enthusiasm for it 💓 I promise I can talk about things other than astrology though, aha. The next time I send you a message it’ll be on a different topic for sure! Also, I have no idea if any parts duplicated/are missing because Tumblr made me wait an hour before I could send everything. So I hope everything shows up properly! (9/9) - 🌻

I don’t know if it’s just me – but it makes my DAY getting long asks.

I love reading people’s words because you can tell how much effort and joy the person has while writing something (whatever the topic is). Like high-key, I wait for your asks because they’re always so long and in-depth, and as someone who suffers from word vomit – I can appreciate the passion and overall love. So, you better not send me short asks – I will hold it against you 😂 LOOL I need an essay buddy~! 😉

I AM CLAIMING DIBS ON BEING YOUR FIRST CUSTOMER. You can read my whole soul damnit because while I totally agree with you that Astrology is a broad discipline with much material to learn and cover, you have a vast knowledge on the topic already. I can totally see you doing it! You explain things very well, and as I read, I find myself learning stuff, and as someone who loves learning – your attention to detail and how clear you are is much appreciated.

Trust me, I get that feeling of stress. Like even though I finished school, and I can relax for the summer because my summer classes got cancelled, being stuck at home is starting to get to me. I’m very much an ambivert (leaning towards introverted), and usually, being alone is my fav zone. Still, I do enjoy going for walks and staying active (even if it's solo activities #Idontdoteamworkandusuallyendedupplayingsoloevents). But the weather has been poor, and I think all my family and friends are starting to get cabin fever 😅. Are you done your classes for the semester yet, or do you still have time to go?

OUUU, I see that mix of Leo Scorpio. Gosh, you're so good at this stuff. I can ask you questions all day LOOL. Like that manipulative aspect is, no doubt in my mind, a Scorpio thing 🙈. Like I’m a Scorpio, and even I can admit it – we’re master manipulators (for better or worse). But I’m surprised by the Mai one! Not because I don’t agree, but because I couldn’t pin one down for her, but I think you nailed it. I’m excited to see if you change your opinions once you watch the show. Because something I notice that happens naturally as you age, is certain traits of the zodiac signs become more prominent or disappear. Because, unsurprisingly, first episode Zuko to comic books Zuko are pretty much two completely different characters. He went from ‘don’t touch me’ to starting every single hug in the comic books with Aang and Sokka, etc. (Soft Zuko does things to me 🤭).

SO, QUESTION – how does Yue’s Venus influence Zuko’s cancer, and how does Yue’s Libra’s energy influence Zuko’s Aries? Like I know, they influence each other, but I’m trying to find the right words, or examples, of it happening. Or ways to describe how they affect each other. I’m sorry if I’m not making any sense. I just – there’s so much to learn, and I want to know more and more 🤯

HANDS DOWN, I would not label you as a Taurus!

I was going to label you as a Libra (so I’m happy I got that one right, kind of), but I’m so shooketh about the Taurus. But I can’t agree with you more on the fact that while Taurus/Scorpio’s are opposites, if they put effort into the relationship, it's incredible. Because I think a lot of it stems from miscommunication. Like I believe communication is vital in any given relationship, obliviously, but certain signs need an extra sprinkle of it to work.

My sister just had a second baby, and her first baby is a Libra/Scorpio cusp, and the second girl is Scorpio, and her husband is also a Libra/Scorpio cusp. I had to laugh and say good luck raising two mini-mes! She’s like I shot myself in the foot LOOL 😂😂😂

And don’t worry about it, hunny! If I ever miss a part, I’ll send a post right away in search of your missing ones because I need your words 😉

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S4 Ep8: Magic Mai

So fun fact, I was out of town around this Thanksgiving and I grabbed a laptop from my Dad’s stack of machinery he’s sort of collected over the years and lo and behold--he put Linux on it.

Like I dunno if you all can relate to this problem, but everything he touches turns into Linux and he’s trying to live this Windows free/Mac free lifestyle, and I get it, I’m friends with so many vegetarians, but like I hate this laptop. I'm using Gimp to make these screenshots...So I can re-do them later in Photoshop because...it just doesn’t feel right to put Papyrus on this computer. It already has Linux. This poor machine has suffered enough. Long story short, this’ll be a small update because right clicking on linux is ass.

Also, because I was on a laptop and realized how small my blog is for the first time--I don’t have control over the size of pictures in text posts, tumblr does, and in this particular theme it’s not allowing me to change the size, and so do me a favor. Click ctrl and + at the same time a couple times (I’m assuming most of you are on firefox). There. the pictures are the right size now. If you hated that, you can click ctrl and - but like lets be real, my font is occasionally...tiny.

Anyway, we start discussing this episode on the confusing legs of the last one, where Mai is evil now, and it’s really not entirely clear if she’s possessed or if she’s just always been this way, or if she just FEELS like it.

And that’s all this episode is about, start to finish--is this Mai’s choice or was this not Mai’s choice? The answer is the same as it would be for a normal person: it’s complicated. Maybe it’s everybody’s choice. Maybe it was because no one did anything that Mai went completely haywire? Maybe it was because Mai hid how she was feeling so no one had any idea she needed help? Or, overall, maybe Mai is kind of a toxic person and wanted to be this way? Especially while she’s on children’s cartoon card drugs?

(read more under the cut)

So to start off, a weird thing happened at the beginning of this episode. After about 4 seasons, someone finally mentioned this:

How many seasons has Yugi been talking to himself? Like, out loud. In front of everyone and Kaiba? This whole time, right? Like Valon just dashed my headcanon where I figured Yugi was smart enough to think his thoughts instead of speak his thoughts. He’s just not that smart, unfortunately.

Meanwhile, Mai has managed to attract this other (teenager?) guy and like...to go worse than Joey so quickly is kind of shocking. Mai just seems embarrassed by the amount of very young boys in love with her. And she’s not even a cougar about it, she doesn’t really seem to want this to happen but it keeps on happening.

And although he is essentially the card form of a drug pusher, Valon has this soft spot for a girl I guess to give him some sort of redeemable flaw. However, she only wears tube tops and minis and spends like hundreds of dollars on her hair, so it doesn’t really make him seem any less shallow, tbh.

PS I’m surprised, that unlike all the other characters on Yugioh, I can’t just type in Valon’s name into Google and get his age and weight. No idea what his age is, and if you know, feel free to tell me but he just seems...exactly the same age as Joey. He seems very 17. Maybe it’s the obsession with motorcycles and children’s playing cards? Maybe it’s his big ol childlike eyes? He just seems young and niave like how a teenager who just fell in love with a very angry older woman would.

Joey tries to remind everyone, multiple times, that this game is the worst idea ever since it requires one of them to super die, but Mai is on card drugs so I don't know why they bothered. Also, why is Joey still surprised by this after 4 seasons of this?

Yo it’s S4 and Mai witnesses magic non-stop but still has basically no idea how it works. She really did say “I have no soul” and it was like...I’m 90% certain she literally thinks she has no soul right now. Which I guess, statistically speaking, is rare to actually have a still intact soul after hanging out with the main villain, with the way this show typically goes.

Meanwhile, last episode it really sounded like Duke Devlin was driving to Pegasus’ company building. It really sounded like he would have gone directly there, since Weevil and Rex told him that Yugi was going to Pegasus.

Remember that Duke Devlin works for Pegasus and probably has his own parking spot.

So where did he go instead?

You know how there’s only one gas station in the entirety of America?

I can’t believe it blew up.

Y’all what is the red splotch in the middle of the pile ps? That is legitimately a pile of blood, right? I didn’t shop that in. There’s just a red puddle in this kid’s show.

Y’all what is that? Like was there a scene with a red handkerchief that I missed? Is that a red handkerchief?

But to move past the mysterious pool of blood that confirms those bikers are so hella dead, I have no idea why Duke was here, I have no idea how he got the tip off that Yugi visited this place, but then he turned around and went back to SF so like...I guess he’ll arrive 3 days from now because again, they are in Arizona. They keep telling me this is right outside SF but like--Mesas. There’s Mesas.

And then this happened.

That one guy on the writing staff who just stans Seto Kaiba so hard got into the drawing room, I see.

PS someone had to pose for this shot for them to draw this shot from this angle.

Meanwhile, lets see why Mai turned evil. Ah, because it is Yugioh, the biggest reason is that she has no friends (probably because she’s got the most acidic personality known to man) and isn’t card popular enough and got super bitter and jealous.

Speaking as an artist who is online, I can understand the frustration here. Sometimes (99% of the time) you work really hard and no one cares and you get like 2 notes. And honestly, why should they? Like, why do you do it in the first place?

Mai echoes a lot of the issues of Seto last season, where she wants so badly to be the absolute best to prove herself to the ghosts of her past who really don’t care any more.

But, since Mai was in a coma when Seto got through all of that, I guess she never got the memo and still seems stuck on just wanting to be the best with no other reason than “to be the best” which again, sounds so much like art school problems. This is everyone who has ever had an interest in animation. We all go through that phase.

Generally we don’t take peoples souls as a reaction to that type of discouragement, but then Mai made sure to mention in almost a foot note that she did spend like an entire season and a half trapped in Marik's shadow realm. And that kind of effed her up in a really big way.

Thanks, Marik.

Really feels like Marik should be dealing with this problem--really feels like maybe Marik is the only person that we can actually point to and say “Oh yeah, that guy is to blame for Mai right now” And he is the only person that Mai does not actively go out and try to kill.

And I’ll have you know I just deleted like a 15 K word rant about the difference between character assassination and your character just--evolving into a jackass, and how it’s OK to have your character change into a jackass, especially after trauma. I felt this need to really have to defend this ancient writing technique that people have been using since about as long as stories have been around.

Then I remembered “Oh yeah, I’m just making this point because a few number of very loud idiots on the internet want to have very lukewarm hot-takes about popular characters solely because they enjoy baiting people on twitter into getting into week-long arguments that don’t go anywhere.” and I just...let it go. I let it just...go into the ether. Ah. The peace that comes when you already know you’re right.

But anyway, back to Yugioh, which thankfully doesn’t take a stance on this nuanced subject, and only presents this very serious problem without actually offering a solution (because there isn’t a one fit’s all solution to falling off the deep end and getting into drugs and murder), Mai decides to just go and blame this decision she made on anyone else. Because, why take responsibility for your actions, when you can pin it on people who were on the other side of the freakin planet when it happened?

Like, I just want to remind y’all that she was in ATLANTIS.

I wonder how good the cell reception is in ATLANTIS.

I just...Mai is like in her mid twenties maybe thirty’s. She’s so arbitrarily old that she plays Yugi’s Mom in the video game spinoff where they’re reincarnations of medieval times. That’s how old she is.

Imagine if you made some epically BAD decisions because you were jealous of some teenager’s success and didn’t want to be weak anymore, and then you confronted those teens, and said “This is all your fault.”

Imagine looking someone as dysfunctional as Joey Wheeler and telling him “You made me like this” because lollllllll

And I present this as a joke but like basically this happens all freakin time. We’ve all had a friend like Mai. Past tense of course, because it’s really hard to keep a friend like Mai for very long. (One of my friend’s who went Mai destroyed my apartment one summer and then literally blamed it on me for going to California for 2 months and leaving her unattended.) But like...don’t let Mai’s do it to you. They can get better, but only if it’s their choice, really. You can’t force them to save themselves.

But, as Mai was finally ready to give up cards and probably improve her quality of life by a huge degree, unfortunately, she got sucked right back into the trap.

Bro note: being a serial murderer cultist is basically working at McDonald's in this universe so maybe this wasn’t even that weird?

But that aside, this is alllllmost like a dark version of “Mai got into an abusive relationship to fill the void in her heart” except she’s not even really dating this guy? Like she hates this guy? He’s just kinda there?

Y’all I really can’t tell if Valon is in an abusive relationship with Mai who is using him for power or if she’s in an abusive relationship with him because he only wants her pretty face and wants to kill Joey because Joey liked her once--and maybe it’s both? Maybe both of these people are just...really bad for each other?

Overall Joey is kind of tossed into this not-a-love-triangle and I’m like

“Hey show? show? Am I supposed to....were any these people ever dating? Is there supposed to be an implied history? Am I supposed to get attached to this?” because I mean...the only character who was able to get some actual physical romance on this show was Pegasus when he macked the ghost of his dead wife because, again, Pegasus is the freakin king of this entire show. Of course HE can do it.

But have this show clarify what the hell is happening between Valon and Mai? I’m gonna take a bet that we will never get to see it beyond Valon being like “Ain’t she a beaut!” Like Steve Irwin talking to an alligator, and Mai just pretending he doesn’t exist. Yugioh romances are so completely one way every single time. If something more than that happens, I’ll be

shook.

Anyway, as all the children on the show keep repeating over and over again, they haven’t had any contact with Mai since she left the freakin country and they went back to High School.

And so someone threatens to kill himself, as is Yugioh tradition, and someone else barks at him to NOT kill himself, as is also tradition, and they decide to play real cards next episode.

This whole entire episode, PS, Joey went out of his way to just...not play cards. that was this whole episode. Way to draw out a card game over three episodes, I guess.

Anyway if you want to read these from the start you can do so by clicking the link here

[lastoneout]

So I keep telling myself I’m not gonna talk about this anymore but it’s late and I’m salty and I figure this would be a good learning opportunity for everyone anyway so whatever. 

I keep seeing people commenting on how the Delpad Week prompt list getting stolen and vandalized doesn’t count as art theft because I guess technically I didn’t “draw” anything while making it. And I feel like this is coming down to people just not understanding the work that goes into graphic design? (I mean I assume some of it is just people wanting to make excuses for doing something horrible but w/e I had my panic attacks I’m over it.) So since we do live in an age where people still devalue graphic design and other computer-based art forms I thought would break down all of the steps that I took when designing the prompt list, as well as the icons and banners for Delpad Week. 

(And as a quick disclaimer there were probably easier ways to do some of the things I’m gonna list but I am still learning and I had never really used Clip Studio Paint before. I am an amateur, be patient with me.)

Step One - Picking Fonts!

Now this one might have come down to me just being picky, but I had a pretty clear idea in my head of what I wanted the “logo” to look like so after opening Clip and determining that NONE of the default fonts came anywhere close to what I was looking for I went to dafont.com and spent like...god I want to say close to an hour browsing the free fonts until I found a 5-10 options I liked.

I then had to extract and install all of the files onto my pc and make sure they worked, which is easy, but still took time.

Then I typed out what I wanted the logo to say using all of the different fonts to see what they looked like and what they looked like next to each other. See it’s a good idea to compliment fancy serif fonts with simple sans serif ones so I needed to pick a fancy one for the “Delpad Week” text and then a simple one for the prompts and dates and such.

Step Two - COLORS!

After I picked the two fonts I wanted to use I had to pick out the colors for the poster and the text. I took the colors for the “Delpad Week” logo itself from a pic of the Sun Chaser/Cloud Slayer I found, both the usual red and then the darker shadow. Which, once again, there HAS to be an easier way to do this but I typed the words out twice in both colors and painstakingly layered them over each other in just the right way to get the “drop shadow” effect I wanted. 

Then I picked a nice light black for the rest of the text that I think I took from the line art on a screen cap I found? Either way it looked better than true black. And took time to find.

And of course I needed to find a good blue for the background which took a bit cuz it needed to match everything else.

Step Three - Sizing! 

I had to look up all of the different recommended photo dimensions for tumblr and twitter icons, headers, posts, ect to make sure the damn things wouldn’t look wonky once I uploaded them.

Oh and since Clip is weird I did actually have to do that typing/layering thing on EACH NEW PICTURE I made. Which making sure they all looked the same sure was FUCKING HARD and took hours!

And my friend took the time to make the transparent Della and LP for the banners and I had to resize and center them on each pic. And I had to find and size/position the clouds and transparent Sun Chaser/Cloud Slayer too. 

Step 4 - Putting It All Together!

Imo this one is the hardest since Clip doesn’t have alignment tools and even if it did sometimes due to fonts and art and such being the way they are true center doesn’t actually LOOK centered to the human eye so there’s a lot of fiddling around with the text and pics to make it look as close as possible to center which starts to kinda numb your mind after a while. Lots of taking breaks and coming back to it to make sure it looked okay.

And of course typing all of the prompts out and making sure the fonts actually do look okay and everything is spelled right and spaced correctly. I have dyslexia, I double check spelling, sue me.

So once you finally think that everything looks okay you get to go upload it to different sites to make sure the icons and such don’t look blurry or get cropped weird and then inevitably go back and move everything around again or in some cases remake them entirely(the deviantART icon took like two re-makes to get right) when they do. Shit takes time, yo.

That might not seem like a lot but let me stress that I made the prompt list poster, the tumblr icon and banner, the twitter icon and banner, the deviantART club icon, and the other banners for things like updates and such. Which all and all took the better part of TWO FUCKING DAYS. 

And that’s not even mentioning the time it took to find a good tumblr theme and set it up and put together the DA club and the twitter account, as well as documenting all of the prompt suggestions and making sure I picked ones that were vague enough to allow for creativity as well as represented what everyone wanted, plus deciding on/writing out all of the rules including the ones for different sites. All of which, aside from some help here and there from friends, I did by myself. For free.

I’m not complaining. I am having a blast running Delpad Week, and making all of this was frustrating but fun. I love graphic design, I wanted to do my best, hell I even got input from my godfather who is a graphic designer on some of the banners just to make sure everything was as high a quality as it could be. And you know what? I was really, really proud of that prompt list. I have been stuck at home disabled for about a year now in awful pain most of the time and only just getting back into drawing and graphic design and I was super happy with how everything came out. I wanted people to see it, I wanted to give Delpad fans a beautiful blog and prompt list to look at after everything we have been through. And not to toot my own horn but I think I delivered. 

So considering all of that you can see why having someone steal the banner, deface it with horrible and triggering content was so horribly upsetting to me. Aside from how defacing something a queer woman worked hard on with words like “burning a pride flag” is abhorrent and drove me to tears and panic attacks, how would you guys feel if someone took something you worked on for two days and shat all over it for a cheap joke? Especially when the only thing you did wrong was want to give a good, cute ship some attention. 

Graphic Design is an art. Taking someone’s unique design, vandalizing it, and then reposting it IS ART THEFT. Just because it took you 10 minutes to open the pic up, color over the original text and use a crappy font to add in your own prompts doesn’t mean making the thing in the first place was that easy. (And again, I’m not complaining about the time and the work. I’m having fun. I love graphic design. If I didn’t want to do this I wouldn’t have.)

But anyway, like I said, I’m trying to not let it bother me anymore. People have apologized and that’s good. But hopefully this breakdown can help you guys appreciate the work that goes into graphic design and be a bit more courteous to the people who do that work, especially for free. 

[donnerpartyofone]

i just got a whole bunch of new followers on letterboxd, and checking out who they all are really reminded me of why i don’t follow too many people on letterboxd. bad amateur writing is hard to enjoy even ironically, but there’s something about bad film writing that’s really harmful. i have hate-read so many of this one guy’s reviews that i feel embarrassed about it now. he describes himself as an “arthouse manager”, which i assume means he runs a theater, but it bothers me because nobody says “let’s go out to the arthouse tonight” without the word “theater” in there, it’s just unnatural and pretentious. so that’s red flag #1 right in his description, which is followed by red flag #2 about how he hates modern media, as if being a luddite or nostalgia freak automatically means you’re a sensitive genius. it’s probably worth mentioning a sub-red flag, which is that he also says he’s 27 years old, which has to mean that he either wants to be congratulated for being precocious somehow, or he thinks he’s going to get laid off this movie website where you can’t even post pictures of yourself, or both, i mean who fucking cares how old you are anyway, for what reason? then the first review is of DAYS OF BEING WILD, in which he describes Wong Kar-Wai as “seeking to understand what draws women to shitty, emotionally unavailable men”; i mean imagine being so full of shit that you project your own sullen incel-y “UGH WHY DO GIRLS ONLY LIKE BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH” garbage onto whatever revered works of art show up on your tv screen? this guy goes on to reveal himself in almost a strip tease fashion across many of his reviews, breaking up his pompous analyses with macho mindbenders like “i have often said that being horny is the point of life” and biographical information like about his manipulative alcoholic father. i’m not trying to say that everybody with a delinquent or dysfunctional parent is destined to have idiotic and serial killerish attitudes about intimacy, because that would condemn pretty much all of us. but, i am sadly familiar with solipsistic assholes who brandish their alleged intellectual superiority in one fist while beating the dust out of their childhood traumas with the other, and just seeing his smug letterboxd reviews tells me everything i need to know about him. hopefully he just followed me in a spammy way to get attention and will never interact, or maybe i’ll say something he finds politically disagreeable and he’ll go away.

honestly finding anybody worth following on letterboxd is kind of hard. it can be nice to read stuff by people who are just having fun and shooting straight about what they’re watching, but the site is filled with wannabe J Hobermans and Lester Bangses who are just out to prove that they own a thesaurus. they’re practically all dudes, you can smell the old spice and maker’s mark wafting out of your laptop fan when you read some of this chest-pounding nonsense. not all of them have such toxic things to say as the aforementioned douchebag, but there’s a real preponderance of users who seem to think they’re reinventing the language. the sad thing is when they really like MY writing. there’s this guy i follow who i think used to write fairly clearly, but now everything he posts looks like a burroughs cut-up with really avant garde ideas about punctuation and adjectives, and unfortunately, i think it’s on purpose. i’d unfollow him, but i feel like i can’t, because he is as nice as literally anyone has ever been about my writing. he goes so far as to give me a hard time about why i’m not a professional film critic, he’s like a ~fan~...and then i gotta ask myself, how much is my writing like HIS writing? this is where the difficulties of letterboxd start to feel worth while, in a masochistic kind of way. like, how often do i write in the same wanky bombastic fashion as these shitty little internet valedictorians who i hate so much? probably a lot! i don’t like feeling that way but i have to admit that i’m grateful for the opportunity to check myself, and possibly improve.

however good or bad i am, letterboxd is still a better place to write than tumblr. i mean tumblr is less than optimal for long form writing anyway, but it’s also a question of who the majority population is here. the other day i got a comment on a pretty old post i wrote about ANNIHILATION, a movie i found kind of smarmy and shallow. the commenter said that my points about the movie were good, BUT they would all be negated by the content of the novels on which the movie is based, and they wanted to know why i deliberately omitted this material from my analysis, as if this were a conspiracy to be unraveled. they actually asked me what the point of my post was, like what was my goal in writing only what i wrote and leaving all kinds of things out. basically. this person COULD NOT UNDERSTAND THE IDEA OF A MOVIE REVIEW. i answered them, because they had tried hard to be polite, that my movie review blog is just for movie reviews, in which i talk about what i think about movies i watch. i’m not pursuing everything related to certain intellectual properties, nor am i invested in the logic and content of Extended Universes of whatever individual movies i’m watching. i’m not mad at this person, who was asking an honest question, but i was completely dumbfounded by the question itself. i mean imagine being SO INVESTED in fandom as like a type of lifestyle that you don’t know what a movie review is anymore? like every piece of media is regarded as some sort of municipality, that belongs to a state, and is governed by certain people, and its characters are like Real People who are available for friendship, dating and more. no piece of media is just entertainment, or even an artistic statement anymore. for this person, watching a movie is something like studying civic infrastructure, except with more DIY alterations and more fetishizing of gay men. i keep trying to imagine reading three paragraphs about some middling hollywood movie that amounts to something like “i did not enjoy watching this film,” and just having no personal frame of reference AT ALL for what it means when somebody writes that down. like just not knowing what a movie review is at all, and asking the author to explain the meaning of the bizarre behavior of saying you thought some movie sucked.

why DOES anybody write about movies though? if i don’t find it normal or desirable to watch everything with an exclusive filter for who do you want to fuck and who do you want to see fucking each other, then what else am i getting at? surely i don’t see myself as a potential roger ebert or leonard maltin, especially considering the extremely limited number of celebrity film critics in the history of mankind. i’m also not Pro- the idea of sorting all movies according to some rigid standards of technical quality and deservingness, like anybody needs me to grade them after they’ve performed the nearly impossible-seeming task of even making one single movie to begin with. sometimes i stupidly start complaining about stupid responses to my writing that i get once in a while from the internet, and my shrink asks me, “what are you up to when you post this writing?” she always says i’m “up to something” when i seem to be following but willfully ignoring my subconscious drives, which i think is pretty funny. but i don’t think i’m pursuing feelings of superiority, over movies or other writers. i think i’m just trying to figure out what movies are trying to say about human existence--and they all are trying to say something, are motivated by some angst, even the really insulting ones that only offer up wish fulfillment pablum. i’m constantly trying and failing to figure out my own existence, and i must sense that attempting to decipher movies is one way of getting closer to decoding my own experiences.

and on that note, now i have to complain about the fact that Lyft’s driver rating system includes “fun conversation” as one of the four factors in giving someone five stars. i rarely want a stranger to try to force me to talk to them, especially at 4am when i’m headed to the airport under a miserable pile of luggage. even so, i recently got into a car in such a state, with a guy who was clearly going for that five star rating, babbling loudly and convulsively at me all the way to my terminal. it would be one thing if he were just trying to be nice, but he was giving me shit about everything from my pickup location to what i had done in his fair city for a week and a half. i did not immediately volunteer how many movies i had seen at the festival i attended, because i probably intuited that when he did make me tell him, he would inform me that he doesn’t need to watch movies, because “I WATCH *LIFE*, MAN!!!” the irony was that this guy clearly didn’t watch life at all; he didn’t even have the ability to discern that i didn’t want to talk, or that i didn’t want him to insult my favorite leisure activity, and that probably NOBODY wants to listen to him talk about his shitty generic blues rock band for half an hour before 5am. so that’s the one thing i can say for even the most obnoxious reviewer on letterboxd--that probably they are TRYING to hone the art of observation, a dying skill. probably they are TRYING to train themselves to be an active audience that engages thoughtfully with the movie instead of just hucking rotten tomatoes at the screen OR passively allowing it to wash over them. even if i often hate the results, at least some of these guys seem be making an effort.

[relagorikt]

November Good Omens merch (part 2). I don't really know how much people like these but I feel like it might draw attention to the artists stores potentially and that is nothing if not a good thing.  

(Row 1) Inkforwords, wooden lapel pins. I just really enjoy the style this artist uses.

Bonesmakenoise, adorable little charm.Looks better in person than the pictures give it credit for.

(Row 2) Kakimari, I've bought a few different items from her now and it's always wonderful. This one is on the larger size of the prints I've gotten.  

J Yang, gold foil limited version of this print. Hopefully tumblr doesn't chastise me for this one. I don't think it goes against their rules. It doesn't show anything really, but I have a hard time knowing. The quality on this print is really good, and I was so pleased with it I went back and ordered something else from her. Her site is on hiatus until the end of November but I linked it anyhow.  

(Row 3) robodumpling. Mini prints. I was really happy with the qualities of these though for some reason I had thought they were postcard sized. They aren't, they're bigger, but still on thick card stock.

(Row 4) Riadoodles. Lovely little book. I am super stoked that I found it. This is actually the first zine I've ever received, and I think it is well worth what I paid for it. It's a mixture of small comics and stand alone pieces form the artist. I am thinking about getting some of those thick rigid comic book protector sleeves to protect any zines I get, they are sort of a weird size and I don't really keep paper books much these days aside from art books. The picture on the right hand side was a print I got for ordering during October. The front cover of the zine (middle), and then on the right hand side one of the pages that made me laugh. Ria has their page on hiatus right now but I went ahead and put the link up for future use.

You know, I understand when people sell things in their own platforms so that they have more control over them, but it always sort of makes me think I might be missing things I'd otherwise really like to have just because I don't know where to look. I wish there was some sort of master post people could refer to for artists of good omens merch. I do a lot of general term searching and poking around on tumblr or twitter trying to find things but it isn't ideal.