#still sorta adjusting to vision loss

[cipher-the-sidhe]

Sight has become a lot like holding your breath to me

Yes, I can see

More or less

It’s harder in certain circumstances-

The afternoon light is like the pressure of the deep, or cold water shock response-

And not forever.

And the longer I do it

The longer I do it

The longer I

Do

It

The more it burns

Until I think it might kill me

[cigvrettedvet]

maeve & logan.

            “so…. no one cooks? we usually get really good delivery. plus, like, ‘cause of my job… usually the babysitter makes something for alex if keegan is out. ‘cause i work a lot of evenings. which, i guess i should’ve mentioned… late night shoots! a lot of ‘em.” she was explaining everything, using her arms to exaggerate any sort of thing she needed. and if keegan woke up, he’d know just how much alcohol she had considering she was never this exuberant. she moved over to maeve with a silly little smile on her face. “you don’t have to do anything, not if you don’t want to… but having a wife to cook for me wouldn’t be the worst,” she murmured, arm wrapping around the woman and pulling her in for a small kiss before moving to go onto another room. with a little yawn, she gestured towards a door. “this goes to the basement… there’s, like, a rec room. movie theatre, duh. and a game room for alex and his friends. but alex actually kind of turned it into a neighborhood for his barbies.” shrugging, she turned to pull her towards the stairs. “and up here is my room… our room. there’s also, like, a few rooms we sorta just use for storage. i think i mentioned that before, at the bar, but if you ever wanna move some stuff in i would be happy to let you have a couple rooms.”

              the mention of delivery is loss on maeve, focusing more on the late night shoots logan had mentioned. “a lot, huh? how late are we talking? like midnight or you’re arriving back in the morning type of late?” either way, maeve knew she’d have to figure it out and adjust. so what if she didn’t see logan all the time? maeve still worked at the hospital so she wouldn’t always be home either. they’d grow to understand that. “i want to. it wouldn’t hurt to live out my domestic fantasy,” maeve shrugged with a smile of her own before she returned logan’s kiss, keeping an arm wrapped around logan’s waist. maeve was already clingy and affectionate when sober but it seemed to be amplified when she had liquor in her system. “okay, that is the cutest thing ever,” maeve replied, referring to alex’s barbie neighborhood. she hadn’t been nearly as lucky when she was a kid and she knew alex was pretty lucky already. when they’d arrive in their bedroom, maeve let go of logan to sit down on the edge of their bed which was way more comfortable than hers back at her apartment. speaking of which, she needed to get her things. “yeah, i could do that later. i don’t have a lot so it’d probably just fit one room,” maeve blew a strand of hair out of her line of vision before glancing over at her wife now. “this is insane but in a good way. this feels like an insane dream but i know it’s real.” and once maeve sobered up the following morning, she’d be able to process the full gravity of the situation. but for now . . . “c’mere, you’re too far away,” maeve replies, although it sounds a little too much like whining, while patting the empty spot beside her.

[http-tokki]

I'd be home with you

~ Levi Ackerman x fem!reader ~ tags/cw: smut, porn with feelings, fingering, mentions of spit and cum eating (sorta) mentions of pregnancy and babies, basically, love sick Levi, mentions of marriage, Levi being a daddy (literally) ~ wc: 3.9k ~ "I don't care about anything else. It's just you and me."

Summer's sweet breeze kisses the skin of the lovers as they lay within the swaying grass. The late afternoon sun bathed the world in a warm golden hue, splashing the sky with pinks and orange in a dazzling display of the wonders nature was capable of. Puffy clouds streaked across the canvas, playing hide and seek with the rising moon and stars. A picturesque scene that would have been painted had anyone witnessed it, had anyone but Levi known of its location. Hidden behind the mountain forest, after rows of spruce and pine, tucked away just before the edge of all they knew, a meadow. An ocean of emerald green and golden light with islands of cornflower blue, and chamomile white standing bright against the green sea. Levi’s Eden, his haven from the evil world around him. A warm hug from the universe to apologise for the horrors that had been thrust upon humanity, a reprieve, and hopefully one day, his home: with you.

Levi had come across the clearing within the first few months of coming to the surface world. The sounds and sights of the city were too bold and loud for his adjusting senses, too many noises, too many things and people and lives he could have lived had he not been dealt the poorer hand. Levi found his heart aching for something he never experienced, a gnawing in his stomach that never seemed to stop for all the people he had lost and who would never see the sun after a rainy day, or feel the wind cool their skin after summer’s heat. There were too many reminders of loss in the city, too much heartache. So the one free afternoon he had managed to score after endless hours of training, Levi packed a small bag and ventured out of the city. Past the last few houses and farmsteads that lingered on the edge of town, over the hills of pastures and into the thicket of pine. Levi found comfort in the shade. He had grown up in the dark and often found it difficult to adjust to how bright the world was, so when he found shade while still in the openness on the surface, he was happy. A silly emotion to feel considering his position in life, how he had signed his death certificate upon enlisting in the military but there had to be something good to break up the dreariness. Perhaps he would have that hope beaten out of him yet.

That hope had remained in him. Blossomed into a fully-fledged field of flowers that filled the gaping wound in the centre of his soul. Levi could now laugh and smile and cry and get through a conversation without mentioning death or illness or anything that would bring a frown to your face. He had made sure to avoid those topics when talking to you, opting for light and somewhat trivial conversation that would leave you smiling and him with the slightest hint of a blush on his once pale cheeks. Turned his thoughts from the wilted, rotting death of life and love into visions of sunny mornings and summer nights where the two of you would sit on the roof of the barracks talking well into the night.

Levi attributes his change in behaviour to you. The friendship that transformed his entire view on life was presented to him two years after he first joined the military. In the form of a comrade who could give him a run for his money on the field but would cry at the sight of a dead bird. A stranger who always smiled and greeted him, offering your hand if he fell or extra bread if you were full. Levi had experienced many firsts with you, some of which he never thought possible but here you were, living breathing proof of a love he never knew existed.

Levi had brought you to his sanctuary just after the first anniversary of your friendship. A silly occasion celebrated with mini cakes and new tea, you had so delicately wrapped in paper and decorated with dried flowers as a gift to Levi. He was embarrassed to accept the present, not having gotten you anything in return but you didn’t care.

“I didn’t get you something 'cause I wanted something back” you stated, pushing the small packages into his hands. “I got you something because I wanted to.”

Levi wasn’t sure if you knew that was the first gift he had been given. If you could see past the cold exterior and into his soul and see him beaming. Smiling from ear to ear, radiating warmth that could rival the sun, cheeks heating with blush and aching from the weight of the grin. He wanted to show you all that but all he did was give you a tight-lipped grin and a small thank you before walking away, lips held between his teeth to stop the smile from forming.

Your friendship blossomed into something more than friends but not yet lovers, but he had a feeling about you. Something deep in his gut pulled him to you. Hange had compared his feelings for you akin to that of soulmates. A person chosen for him by the cosmos, a predetermined other half. Levi thought the idea of soulmates was bullshit, there was no plan for the world or universe, and it was all random and utterly fucked, but you liked the idea. Beamed at the thought of having someone who would love you before even knowing you, would love you despite the world you were in, Levi went along with it. Would listen to your stories of love and loss, ramblings and ideas of how there had to be meaning to the world, that it was fate and there was true love, as much as he wanted to scoff at the idea and roll his eyes and tell you that the world was a bleak hellscape that no one ever survived, he shut his mouth and let you ramble on.

“You know what I like about you?” you had once asked.

It had been one of the nights when the both of you snuck up to the roof, sitting over the gutters and letting your legs dangle into the blackness below.

“I’m scared to hear your answer.” Levi laughed, looking at you with hesitation etched into his brow.

“Even though I know that you think everything I talk about is bullshit, you never say anything.”

“I don’t think it’s bullshit,” Levi shook his head, expression falling into something soft. “Not all of it at least.”

You paused, taking a moment to smile back at your captain. “Well, thank you anyway. For letting me talk.”

“Thank you for talking to me.”

Two weeks later, Levi brought you to the forest. Under the premise of demonstrating a new move he had been working on, you followed Levi into the woods. The walk was long without the aid of a horse, and you had complained a bit but upon revelation, every grievance you had about the trek dissipated.

It was something out of a fairytale and you were lost for words. Your mind had stilled in the presence of something so beautiful that all you could do was reach out for his hand. Slipping your hand in his, you followed Levi into the pasture. And four years later, you find yourself in the same field.

Sprawled over a tartan rug, you breathe in the smell of summer. Sweet berries and fresh grass attempt to lull you to sleep, the fullness of your stomach adding to the heaviness of your eyelids, but it is the man beside you that keeps you awake.

Levi had already fallen asleep. Arm thrown out to the side to act as a pillow for you, the other resting gently over his bare abdomen that rises and falls with deep, sleepy breaths. You stare at your love, marvelling at the beauty that is before you.

Harsh lines make up the edges of Levi. Sharp corners that were shaped by his upbringing yet carved into stakes by his own hands in an act of self-preservation. You often joked that he was made of stone. Perfection in the form of a man carved out by a lonely artist long ago but those thoughts soon faded as you witnessed the breaking of his marble exterior. The scowl that you once believed had been etched into his skin made way for soft, round cheeks as he smiled. Lines crinkled the skin around his eyes when he laughed or sneezed, a pout of his lips as he called your name.

You reach a hand out to brush the scar that runs along his ribs. Tracing the slightly raised skin over the ridges of ribs and down to the tip of his hips, taking note of the smaller marks that litter his body. There is more softness to be found here and you go to explore but are stopped by his voice.  

"I can feel you staring."

You jump a little, startled at the sudden noise.

"I thought you were asleep," you admit, cheeks heating with slight embarrassment at having been caught ogling him.

Levi tsks but a smile forms on his perfect lips. "I was, but your staring woke me up."  He peeks one eye open, hand going up to shield his face from the afternoon sun. 

You feign a frown, bottom lip jutting out in a pout as you look away. Levi calls to you, but you turn further away, rolling to the very edge of the rug in an attempt to get pity kisses. You hear the sound of movement and Levi sighing before two arms wrap around your waist. You're pulled back against his bare chest, feeling the heat from his skin radiating into yours. 

"I didn't say stop" Levi nips at your ear, teeth biting down on your lobe. 

Your response comes in the form of a hum and an attempt to snuggle further into him. Levi's arms loosen and one of his hands slowly slips down and under your dress shirt. The other comes up to grip your chin, tilting your head just enough for him to kiss you. Sweet kisses are shared, but as hands start to wander, so do mouths. Delicate fingers brush down your stomach leaving goosebumps in their wake as they make way for your waistband. You open your mouth wider under his, allowing his tongue to slip past your teeth in languid licks. He tastes of honey and strawberries, the sugar crystalizing between his lips, begging to be licked up. You begin to roll your hips back into his as if on instinct, heat blossoming in your core as you feel him harden. Once feather-like touches are now rough with need as Levi paws at your braless chest. His fingers pinch and pull at your nipples, feeling them harden under his touch, and he smiles at that. You feel the grin against your mouth as you kiss him, lips spreading wide over white teeth before they snap at your bottom lip. 

"Fuck, Le-" your words die in your mouth as Levi's strong hand moves to rest at the base of your throat. 

Hips still rolling back onto his, you feel his cock push against the thin material of his pants and your skin heats in anticipation of what's to come. 

"What are you thinking about, sweetheart?" Levi's breath is uneven as he starts to kiss down your jaw. 

"I-" You can't concentrate on one thing. Too much is happening between his mouth, hands, and cock, all pushing against your heating skin. The need within you to feel him inside you. To have his cock buried so deep you feel it in your stomach, splitting you open over and over again before cumming hard and deep.

"Levi," his name is pleading as you push your hips back harder. 

Levi pulls his mouth from your skin, flipping you both so he hovers over you. His legs slot between yours, bringing his thigh up to press against your wet cunt, tsking as he looks down to see the small damp patch you had already made. 

"Use your words, darling," his attention shifts back to your face, delighting in your red cheeks. "I need you to tell me what you want, baby." 

You reach up to thread your fingers through his hair, using the leverage to pull his face to yours. Capturing his lips in a searing kiss, you grind against his thigh, noting how the muscle tensed at the action. Your skin crackles with pleasure as you rut against his thigh, feeling the tight coil in your stomach, but it is rudely interrupted as Levi pulls his leg away from you. You open your mouth to protest, but Levi is already moving to kneel between your legs. Pulling the ruined material down your thighs, Levi smiles at the slick trailing across your skin. He knows that you are dripping for him, knows that you had this reaction the very first time you met him. Five years ago in the small office that was once his workspace, Levi had you just as wet then as you are now and he barely glanced in your direction. He had enjoyed hearing that little anecdote, delighted in knowing the power he held over you even before he had touched you, spoken to you.

"You want me here?" Levi teases.

Slender fingers slip over you, dipping between your folds before tracing their way to your clit. Your hips jump, sensitive to his touch as he presses down. 

Nodding, you avert your eyes, afraid you'll finish right there and then if you look at him again. Eyes hazed over with lust, cheeks red and glowing as his tongue ran over his swollen lips. Oh fuck. You feel his breath against you then his fingers spreading you open and then a second later, you feel his mouth on you.

The feel of his tongue swiping up your folds in search of your clit has you gasping into the open air. Soft licks against the sensitive nub as he brings his fingers to your centre, teasing brushes before pushing in. Levi starts slow, pumping his fingers in and out of you at a pace that allows you to breathe somewhat normally, but as he feels you open up a bit more, he adds a second finger and starts on a rhythm that has you chanting his name. 

"You wanna cum, sweetheart?" Levi asks, hot air huffing over your swollen cunt. 

You mewl, hips bucking up into his mouth. Levi curls his fingers, brushing over that spot that had you seeing stars and gasping for more. He feels you tense around his fingers, a sign of your impending release he had grown accustomed to over the years but he isn’t ready for you to finish just yet so Levi stops all movement and pulls his mouth from you, watching as your eyes fly open at the sudden loss of contact. 

"Wha-" you try to begin, but your breath catches. " Levi, come on." 

Levi smirks and sits back on his haunches, admiring the way you look in the setting sun. Bringing his slick-coated fingers to his mouth, he sucks them between his lips, moaning audibly at your taste. As he continues to clean his hand, he comes back to hover over you, freehand gently gripping your jaw. 

"Open," he instructs, thumb pushing into the hinge of your jaw, and you obey without a second thought.

Lips parting at his command, he spits the mix of you and his saliva into your mouth before using his fingers to shut your mouth. 

"Swallow, then show me." 

You do as you're told, mouth open to reveal that you had followed orders like the good little cadet you were. 

Levi smiles at the sense of pride blooming in his chest at the fact you were obedient, pliant, and eager to please him.  His grip on your jaw loosens so that he is cradling your face.

"How did I get so lucky with you, huh?"  his fingers gently push loose hair behind your ear. "Do you have any fucking idea how perfect you are?"

Levi leans forward to kiss your cheek, nose, and mouth. His teeth graze your lower lip, pulling on the plush flesh. "It's like you were made for me,"

The reverent tone has your heart skipping beats. His hand leaves your jaw to cup your bare breasts. Levi kisses his way down to your chest, leaving spit and bite marks in his wake. He takes your right nipple in his mouth, sucking and biting, tongue lapping at the bud before switching to the other. His free hand has made its way down to his waistband. You watch as he flicks open the buttons and shucks the material down his legs without letting go or stopping his oral ministrations. Your mouth waters as you glimpse his hard cock, red and aching with pearls of precum leaking from the sobbing tip. You pull at his hair to get his attention. 

"Please, baby" 

Levi lifts his head from your chest, looking thoroughly love-drunk. "What is it, angel?" 

When no answer comes, Levi drops his head and resumes his suckling. You throw your head back into the hard earth. Your cunt is aching, begging to feel his thick cock in you. 

"Ackerman, if you don't fuck me in the next two seconds, I will get up and leave you here" your threat is weak. Levi knows you would never do that, but the attempt is endearing. He smiles and lets your nipple go with a lewd pop. He slowly raises himself over you, dragging his cock over your sensitive skin. 

"Ackerman?" he raises a brow "Where's the captain?"

"Captain Ackerman, if you don't fuck me in the next two seconds, I will get up and leave you here." 

You feel Levi's cock twitch against your stomach.

"Good little cadet wants her captain's cock?" Levi teases, bracing his weight on a hand as he starts to stroke himself. 

"Yes, please, Captain. I've been training for so long to take you. Please," you play along, furrowing your brows as you look up at Levi. He has his bottom lip caught between his lips, trying to stifle the smile making its way across his face. 

"Remind me to pull this one out when we're in uniform." 

You nod, hand reaching down to cover the hand jerking his cock. "Yes, sir"

Levi's mouth falls open as your fingers make contact, squeezing the hard muscle. You start to stroke him, thumb circling the tip each time you come up. 

"Keep that up, and I'll cum in your hand," Levi warns, breathing shallow. There's a part of you that wants that to happen, to have him finish all over your fingers, but the part of you that wants him coming in you is bigger. Your grip releases, fingers moving to spread your slick over your cunt as Levi lines himself up with your weeping hole. 

"Tell me how much you want me inside you," Levi orders. "Tell me, not Captain Ackerman, me." he clarifies in case you have the idea to tease him. 

You tear your gaze from his cock, locking eyes with him. You lift your head to kiss him, pouring your love into his mouth before whispering. "Levi, please. I need to feel you in me, please. Please, baby.” He shivers as he presses into your hot core. "I need to feel you deep in me, please.” 

Levi pushes into you; a quick thrust has him buried in your soft walls. You gasp, body tingling as you grip the blanket beneath you. Above you, Levi is panting, slowly pulling out before pushing back in, searching for that spot where he bottoms out. You're cursing against his lips, back arching at the feeling of being full. No matter how often Levi fucked you, the first few moments of feeling his thick cock in you has you seeing stars. Levi stops when he bottoms out, in an attempt to gather his breath before starting in a rhythm that has you gripping onto his arms. Fingernails dig into scarred skin, leaving bloody crescent moons in their wake as Levi pulls out slowly, your cunt clenching pathetically around nothing for a moment before he slams back into you, a cry ripping from your throat as his hips snap harshly into yours. He drops forwards, hands on either side of your head as he continues to fuck into you. 

Levi is going to fuck a kid into you today. The topic of babies had been on your mind lately, commenting on how all your friends had already popped out three or four and how you wanted one of your own, one with Levi. The first time you had mentioned it, Levi choked on his tea. It was so out of left field that it shocked him, not because you wanted kids but because you wanted to have one with him. Him. The kid from the underground. You wanted to have his kids. He wasn't opposed to the idea; it was just shocking that someone as perfect as you wanted to share that with him but the more Levi thought about it, the more the idea grew on him. You, his perfect wife with your perfect kids. Yeah, he could do that. 

"You still want to be a mommy, angel?" harsh whispers carry sweet messages. "You still want to have one of our own?"

You nod feverishly, unable to form sentences without the risk of crying. 

"Answer me, brat."

"Yes, Levi. Yes," you cry out, fingers gripping his arms tighter. "Please make me a mommy, please." 

Levi smiles, happy with your answer, and slows his hips. "You're gonna have to call me Daddy when we have one of our own" he feels you tighten around him at the new title. "You like that? Like the idea of calling me, Daddy?" 

Your mewl was answer enough for him. "Go ahead, sweetheart. Try it out."  

You just about moan at the idea of calling Levi daddy, of being so fucked full of his cum.

Levi smirks at the foreign name, but he likes it; could get used to it. His smile softens as he stills within you.

"I'm serious, sweetheart. If you want kids, let's do it," he presses a soft kiss against your lips. "I'm ready. I'll build a house, I'll retire, and we can live here and have as many kids as you want." 

You laugh, hands leaving his arms to thread through his hair. "I can't ask you to do that, Levi."

"You're not asking me to do anything. If you want kids now, let's do it" his tone turns serious. "I don't care about anything else. It's just you and me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am" Levi leans down to kiss you again. "You're my everything, and I want to make a home with you." 

Your heart swells. "I love you, Levi Ackerman."

Levi can't remember how many times he came in you. Losing count after the third and fourth; his mind dizzy with need. Numbers and words escaped him; the only thing in the front of his mind was to make you a home, to make you a family, to make you his wife.

~ a/n: apart of the Hozier series. Song: In A Week- Hozier ft Karen Cowley. version 3.0

[motleymoose]

Homecoming Pt. 3: Bits & Pieces Ch. 1

Chapter 1 Ashes in a Vacuum

Fandom: The Mandalorian, Star Wars Characters: The Mandalorain (Din Djarin), Gender Neutral Reader, The Child Words: 2.5k+ Warnings: Injury, Angst, A whole lotta attitude

Summary:

I AM ALL SORTS OF ANGRY AT THAT FRAGGING BUCKETHEAD!!! He's leaving me with more questions than I have the ability to ask, and I don't like it one bit.

But dang, that little greenie is cute!

Notes:

Heya! Thank y'all for reading!!! I'm not sure how many chapters this part is gonna have, so??? We're coming up on the halfway point of the story. Maybe my editing skills will improve by then (ha).

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Homecoming Masterlist

The way everything hurt, I was sure I was dying.

Squinting at the dim, fuzzy gray light of my bunk, I ran an internal diagnostics check. With every little wiggle and flex of an appendage, I gradually realized that I was not, in fact, dying, but I wasn’t in prime fighting shape either. Slowly, gingerly, I scrubbed sleep from my burning eyes with the heels of my palms, my vision spotty and fuzzy in places. It felt good to let them linger, pressing heavily into the closed eyelids and relieving the pressure built up behind my eyeballs. As killer headaches went, the one I was experiencing in that moment wasn’t the worst I’d ever had, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like doshing kung.

Now that I was sorta awake, I took physical stock of my body. My eyes still wouldn’t clear, the large flecks of gray shadow swimming lazily in my periphery, so I used touch to see what was going on. Letting my hands do the work, I started with my head, running my fingers lightly down my neck to my shoulders and chest. Something felt off about the shape of my body as I continued to scan downwards to my hips. Foggy memories swirled inside my head, screaming and pain and choking smoke. A jumbled mess of noise and smells overpowered everything else, and the bits and pieces of the fight and flight from Bosph scattered nervously into the darker recesses of my brain.

Frustrated, I sat up, ignoring the sharp tug at the pit of my elbow and the violent, painful thumping rattling my brain. “Fragging buckethead,” I hissed through clenched teeth. He had got me in this mess. Sure, it was my fault for getting a bounty put on me, but if only he’d listened to me in the first place, we coulda avoided Bosph entirely. The anger, bitter and sparkling and pulsing red, numbed the headache and the bruises slightly. And as the ire rose, so too did the functionality of my brain.

I could focus now on what my hands had been trying to tell me: all of my possessions, from my boots to my jumpsuit and everything in between or tucked into pockets, was gone. A worn coarseweave tunic hung from my curved shoulders, the sleeves neatly rolled up around my biceps, and a newer looking pair of long johns, the baggy legs bunched around my knees, had replaced my utilitarian and well-loved apparel.

Oh Mother of Kwath! Had the Mandalorian undressed me?! I mean, I was an adult. He was an adult. And apparently I had been injured enough to warrant such an invasion of privacy. Still, I couldn’t fight the blush burning brightly across my chest and face.

So doshing uncomfortable.

Nope, nope, nope. Didn’t want to think about it anymore.

Pushing down all of the humiliation and trauma and apprehension until the feelings were little more than an annoying itch under my skin, I allowed the rage to take over a little more. It was easier to be angry than to feel anything else, the outrage a warming presence in my chilly body. It also gave me the little boost of courage for what I had to do next.

Screwing my eyes shut, incredibly unprepared for the worst possible outcome, I touched the place under my collarbone where my silver skull pendant rested, a solid, reassuring weight...

Nothing.

Instead of skin-warmed metal, I was met with warm, padded resistance. Peering into the neck of the tunic, I found a thick, dull-colored wrap encasing my midsection from under my armpits to my hip bones. It smelled of the sea on a warm summer’s day, and I wrinkled my nose automatically. Bacta. Whatever injury I had sustained must’ve been bad enough to call for the precious, oftentimes expensive goo. The wrap wasn’t so tight as to constrict breathing or some movements, but it wasn’t exactly comfortable either.

The physical uncomfortableness brought me back to the question of why the bounty hunter was keeping me alive, but just like all the other feelings, I ignored it. I needed to find my clothes, my necklace. Get dressed. Leave this beautiful ship and her tyrant pilot behind and become a krill farmer out on the Outer Rim.

Well, probably not a farmer. A droid mech, perhaps.

The soft skin on the inside of my elbow twinged again, pulling me out of my daydreams as I reached for the blanket covering the lower half of my body. A thin, clear tube snaked from a needle inserted into a vein to a nearly-empty pouch hanging from a hook in the bunk wall. Fumbling, my fingernails worked their way underneath the sticky medical tape, peeling up an edge wide enough to pinch. I ripped the tape from my arm, gritting as it pulled hair and skin with it. Once the tape was gone, I slid the needle out of my arm with a hiss, tossing it aside to leak between the cot and the bunk wall. Whatever cocktail of drugs the bounty hunter had mixed into the IV, he’d probably added a good dose of sedative to keep me down for the count. That would’ve explained the fogginess.

And it made me so mad.

I let the full-blown, all-consuming fury in, jerking the coarseweave blanket off of me and freeing my legs. Exhaling forcefully, I tested my injured knee, poking at the matching bacta bandage. The original searing-white agony I had experienced on Bosph was muted now, less of a screaming torment and more of a dull throbbing. Healed enough to put weight on. Hopefully

Groaning and cursing at stiff muscles and bucketheaded hunters respectively, I wriggled on the bed until my bare feet skimmed the floor. The cold steel of the hull platform sent shivers through my flesh, feeding the annoyance and anger and frustration. I inhaled, steadying myself for the shooting pain sure to follow standing on both legs. Pleasantly astonished as I was that it didn’t hurt too horribly, I wasn’t prepared for the lightheadedness. The blood rushed from my face, my vision blackening around the edges.

“Oh frag,” I managed to croak before slumping to the floor in an unconscious heap. --------------- I awoke, some time later, inside my bunk. The coarseweave blanket was tucked firmly beneath my chin, the IV reinserted into my arm, and my red-hot rage completely dissipated. An imposing, blurry figure stood at the foot of the bunk, and I took my time adjusting myself from lying flat to reclining, eyes tightly shut to avoid the spinning shadows. Once I was comfortable, I cracked an eyelid. The Mandalorian’s blurred steely stare greeted me, a clear bag of liquid over one arm and a sling supporting the other.

“You’re awake,” he stated matter of factly.

“D-Didn’t want to give you the satisfaction of travelling in silence,” I replied dryly, voice husky with disuse. “By the way, where’s my jumpsuit?” I opened my eyes all the way, blinking rapidly to dispel the fog coating them. It didn’t work.

The bounty hunter harrumphed softly. “Incinerated. You had a fractured knee, two broken ribs and a blaster wound to the stomach. Plus severe retinal damage and dehydration. You’re lucky you even made it off-planet.” He angled his visor away from me to tap out something on his vembrace.

“Wait, what?”

He tilted his visor towards me and put it simply. “You almost died.”

I feebly waved the non-IVed hand in front of my face. “No, not that. Did you say you incinerated all of my stuff?!”

Ignoring me, per his style, he continued to tap on his vembrace’s control panel.

Devastated, depressed and not a little bit murderous, I glowered squintily at him. I was reeling inwardly, but on the outside I was colder than carbonite.

As he ignored me, I studied him as closely as my recovering vision would allow. I could tell there was something different in his appearance, but it took a moment for me to recognize what it was . A softer quality to his edges that I couldn’t quite understand, his body looking less defined, less bulky than normal. I blinked several times to refocus, and was rewarded with infinitesimally better vision.

“Where’s your armor, shabuir?” I sniped. I may have been more than a little miffed that all of my worldly possessions were now ash and lumps of twisted metal, and biting at a Mandalorian was a temporarily soothing balm to my aching heart.

The hunter reached over me and unhooked the empty bacta IV bag from a rod above my head, replacing it with the one he’d brought. Adjusting the solution valve, he tapped the drip chamber twice before turning his attention back to me. “There’s a spare jumpsuit in the ‘fresher. Keep the bacta wrap on for another hour, at least.” As an afterthought, he added, “We’ll be on Nevarro in a few days.” A frown tainted his voice. “Stay out of my way ‘til then.” Spinning on his heel, he marched to the ladder and disappeared onto the upper deck.

………

It took about twelve hours for me to feel well enough to rid myself of the IV and bacta wraps and get out of the bunk without having the ship buck underneath me like a wild bluurg. I took that time to cry myself to sleep, wake up and cry some more. The loss of my tools and kit was a huge blow to my self-worth, but the loss of the pendant, well. It was the only piece I had left of a life full of fear and hunger and love; it connected me to home. If I didn’t have that, where did I belong?

It took another three hours for me to get up the nerve to get cleaned and dressed. I prowled around the cargo hold, poking and prodding at the carbonite storage, the control panels and the refresher. There hadn’t been much of a chance on my earlier voyages to explore, so with the Mandalorian occupied guiding the ship through hyperspace, I felt emboldened to figure out more about him. Not that there was much to glean from my investigation; the hold contained only the basics of survival for deep space travel, and weapons. Lots of weapons.

Oh, and several beings in what looked to be forced-stasis, frozen in carbonite.

Shivering in sympathy for my hold companions, I turned and shuffled back to the bunk. What I really had hoped to find was the incinerator - most ships kept them below near the back for easy dispatch of trash - but I hadn’t found hide nor hair of one below deck. It could’ve been located above. Not exactly the safest or most pleasant location, yet with all the fire power and carbonite in the hold, it kinda made sense. No need to put three dangerous elements all in one place, if you had the room.

A little voice at the back of my head reminded me of something else: that fragging Mando had all but ordered me to stay put. If he thought for one second that I was going to listen to him, he had another thing coming. I held no ill-will against Mandalorians in general, but this one was getting on my bad side. First arresting me and then almost getting me killed and then destroying the only thing I had left of home reminded me that I only had myself to rely on, that everyone else was out to either disappoint me or kill me.

I’d be doshed if I was going to let that buckethead dictate what I could and couldn’t do, especially since he was the one who took me off that Maker-forsaken moon in the first place.

Especially since he handed me over to Mihcas without an apology.

And took my pendant and tools to boot.

Ascending the ladder turned out to be a formidable feat in my weakened condition, but I prevailed. It took more effort than it should have, and I collapsed onto the cool steel platform once I made it all the way up.

“What are you doing?” The modulated baritone came from my right. Swiveling my head, I watched as the bounty hunter stomped out of the captain’s quarters, a bundle of clothes clutched to his chest and fingers unsurprisingly reaching for his blaster. Whatever was in the bundle must have been precious, for he shifted it away from me to his injured arm. It obviously still hurt; he held the bundle in the crook of his elbow, awkwardly bent and trembling with effort.

Good.

Rage flared in my chest, licking its way up like flames and leaving a red mask pounding behind my eyes. Pushing the anger away, I clambered up to my feet. I was going to get answers, and I’d be fragged if I was going to show emotion in front of him.

“Where’s the incinerator?” I spat savagely. So much for not showing any emotion.

Obviously taken aback by my vehemence and bluntness, he cocked his helmet and pulled his hand from his blaster, resting it casually on his belt buckle. “Why?”

Simple enough question, simple enough answer. But I didn’t feel like answering him. Opening my mouth to respond, a cooing sound interrupted me. It sounded like it was coming from the bundle still shielded in his injured arm.

Snapping my jaw shut with a painfully audible click, I raised my eyebrows pointedly at him. “Trafficking something illegal there, chakaar?” Anxiety clenched my stomach in its viselike grip, and I had to force the bile from rising in my throat. I was still weak from Bosph, but if he was buying and selling living beings to make a living, he was no better than my ex-boss. No better than me. Which meant I was going to have to hurt him or die trying.

A sharp hiss of an inhale through the vocoder told me I’d hit on something. Something he didn’t want me knowing. A whispery stream of very impolite Mando’a floated in the space between us. The air was thick with tension, and both of us were patiently waiting for the other to make the next move.

The coo came again, slightly muffled, followed by a bubbly giggle, startling us out of our stare-down. The bundle wriggled, and the Mandalorian shifted his attention from me to it as the thing became too much to handle with one injured arm. Grunting either out of pain or frustration, the bounty hunter stepped backwards until he was in the doorway of the bunk. Squeaking and chittering indignantly, the lump in the clothes broke free with a victorious huff.

And it was the cutest fragging thing I’d ever laid my eyes on.

_____________________

Notes:

chakaar - corpse robber, thief, petty criminal - general term of abuse shabuir - extreme insult - *jerk*, but much stronger

[void-tiger]

Gentron Week: Days 1-3

Characters: Takashi “Shiro” Shirogane, Ryou “Jiro” Shirogane

Prompts: Bed-Sharing/Sleepovers; Clothes-Sharing; Soulmate AU (sorta), Hand-Holding

Canon Compliant?: NOPE! Not even a little, although canonical events are referenced.

Other Notes: ...I started this with Sunday’s prompt, got behind, then realized that it fit with the first three days, anyway. Hope that’s alright.

He’d been back for almost a phoeb now, thanks to the combined efforts of Jiro, his Team, and his Lion. And after he got back there was a bit of a scramble trying to sort out immediate things like Lion bonds, then of course the much more mundane ones as well. Like sleeping arrangements. Clothes. Who owned what with the small stockpile of belongings after months-to-years in space between them and the lines already blurred.

When they first rescued Shiro from the Void of Black Lion’s inner quintessence field, there hadn’t been time to figure these things out beyond who flew with Black and their Team. And after that what time hadn’t been spent fleeing Haggar’s repeated assaults was spent running repeated tests over both Jiro and Shiro for any lasting “presents” left by the witch, or any lasting damage from his time spent suspended at the subatomic level for so long. Then remedial drills as well as he reintegrated back into the Team and they had to relearn how to form Voltron...again.

But after they exhausted every drill, and after they could confidently form yet a third version of Voltron with their current Team (Shiro was disheartened to learn about Keith defecting to the Blades after his stint as Voltron’s leader. He still hoped to reach his friend, to let him know he was still alive, that the Team and Shiro both wanted him to return home), and after Allura and Coran were finally confident that both Shiroganes had a clean bill of health (and NO nasty spells and implants leftover) ...they could finaly rest.

Only, they still hadn’t sorted through who owned what. Or who even had bigger claim to Shiro’s old room. 

But like with his bond with the Black Lion, Jiro practically shoved Jiro into his old room, only pausing long enough to grab himself a fresh set of bedclothes, with Lance insisting Jiro crash with him. (Shiro was pretty sure that the tank and sleep pants he himself had ended up wearing actually belonged to Jiro. Not him.) But sleeping alone in a dark, quiet room proved unbearable. It was too easy for Shiro to return to that listless floating he experienced while suspended in the Void, body free from all the aches and pains he’d long since reconciled as his “normal” but only his mind kept intact. 

Well, mostly.

Only...

Soft, steady snores competed with his own gulped and held shallow panting. His right side felt lopsided and pinned down by a weight that wasn’t from his now-absent Galran prosthetic. And for all the Black Lion’s efforts to make him comfortable while he was stored as atoms within the Lion’s quintessence, he’d never felt warm. Or felt anything at all, really. And the Lion’s quintessence certainly hadn’t smelled like laundry detergent. Come to think of it, Shiro didn’t quite remember making it back to his bunk.

Slowly his eyes adjusted to the Castle’s night cycle gloom. Soft green light cast shadows against his sleeping clone’s pale skin, ragged scar, and inky black hair. Shiro felt his eyes flutter closed as they were dragged down by tiny, but dense, dense weights. Like mini neutron stars. Shiro felt himself lulled back to sleep, drifting not in Voltron’s Void, but the innocence of stars that space once held for him.

In the morning, neither spoke about the previous night. But to his bemusement the room had somehow converted into holding two stacked bunks where there was only one previously overnight.

.

Jiro wrenched himself awake with a silent scream. His sheets stuck to his skin thanks to a dripping sheen of cold sweat as well as lay tangled around his legs and feet. As did the image still vivid behind his mind’s eye

He scrubbed his face furiously and sniffed reflexively, glaring at his ruined bedding. Even if the could get back to sleep again, no way was he going to be able to sleep in that. With measured movements in an attempt to not shake the shared alcove and wake his brother in the upper bunk, Jiro softly set his bare feet down against the frigid floor. He then cautiously groped his single hand in the dark until he finally felt a bed corner, then tugged. The mattress rose about half an inch before slamming back down. Jiro barely bit back a curse.

The sheets, however, stayed firmly tucked for all his trouble. Naturally. Yet another reminder about Why He Needed His Own Prosthetic. Or at least his own bayard. He’d prefer not borrowing Shiro’s.

The sheets above him rustled as he heard Shiro stifling a yawn. “Jiro, what are you doing.”

Jiro winced. “N-nothing,” he murmured as he fought to keep his voice steady. “Go back to sleep.”

“Ry.”

Jiro knew that tone. That sympathetic I’m the Black Paladin and Leader and Your Big Brother so you better tell me And Deal With It tone.He’d used it himself against Shiro more than once. He hated being on the receiving end. Especially when Shiro felt the need to switch to using some form of “Ryou” to further his point. “Just remaking my bed,” Jiro hedged.

“At 2:30 in the morning?” Takashi pressed.

Jiro remained silent. The bunk shifted as Shiro’s feet scraped against the rungs. Shiro gently nudged his brother to scoot over with his right shoulder. Jiro obliged. He heaved an exasperated sigh when Shiro immediately started untucking the sheets and gathering them into the center of the mattress as one, wadded bundle.

Of course Shiro could. Shiro had a bayard that could double as an arm while they both waited for new prosthetics.

“Nightmare or memory,” Shiro asked abruptly.

Jiro squeezed his eyes shut. “Vision,” he finally choked out in a strained whisper. “I’ll just...” Jiro cleared his throat thickly as he grabbed the damp bundle of sweaty bedding. 

“Ry,” Shiro called again. “We can deal with that tomorrow.”

“But--” 

Shiro tossed a fresh set of bed clothes at him, forcing Jiro to drop the bundle as he reflexively tried to catch the set thrown at him with his non-dominant hand. Jiro shot Shiro a baleful glare. Shiro toothily grinned.

“Fine,” Jiro mumbled through a faceful of pantleg, then stalked out of the room and into the bathroom to change. He flipped the light on, immediately wincing at the sudden, harsh light, then glanced down at the set Shiro tossed at him. It wasn’t a fresh tank and sweatpants, oh no. It was that quiznacking Black Lion Onesie, with the right sleeve already zipped off.

When Jiro returned, he found Shiro sitting crosslegged atop a newly remade bed with fresh sheets, face illuminated by the glow of a datapad resting in Shiro’s lap while he rested his chin in his left hand. The bayard sat deactivated on top of the bed next to him.

“You’re gonna kill your eyesight that way,” Jiro snarked.

Shiro glanced up and shrugged nonplussed. “It’ll get fixed again by the next pod visit.”

Jiro balled up his discarded pajamas and chucked them at Shiro. They struck Shiro’s face with a wet-sounding smack before landing in his brother’s lap.

“Okay, first of all, gross,” Shiro drawled dryly. “Second, is that the thanks I get for remaking your bed, brother dearest?”

“You earned that and you know it,” Jiro dead panned.

“Fair.”

Shiro wadded up the sweaty clothes, then tossed them at the heap of used bedding already shoved into a corner. However, he still didn’t budge from Jiro’s bunk.

Jiro sighed in exasperation. “Look...I appreciate you putting my bed back together, but are you gonna move or not.”

“Not just yet, Ry,” Shiro said seriously.

Jiro swallowed. “Ryou” again. That didn’t bode well. “Alright...” he said apprehensively. “But no way can I sleep between the sheets in this thing. It’s way too stuffy.”

Shiro chuckled softly with a small smile. “You don’t get it, do you.”

“Apparently not, unless you tell me,” Jiro huffed impatiently.

“You’re right, that thing is way too hot to sleep in--”

“Think you do need your eyes checked, afterall,” Jiro interjected sardonically.

“Hush,” Shiro scolded lightly with a playful swat to the back of Jiro’s head. Jiro continued to glare balefully, but without any real heat to it.

“--but that’s not exactly the point,” Shiro continued. “The Team made that for me when they threw an impromptu surprise slumber party.”

“...And think you need a reminder of the definitions of ‘impromptu’ and ‘surprise’,” Jiro remarked. “And yes, I do remember.” He tapped his temple. “So what’s your point.”

Shiro rolled his eyes. “It’s the Team’s reminder that I’m not alone to sort things. that they--and the Black Lion--are always gonna be there if they can. And I’m reminding you that that extends to you, too.”

Jiro’s eyes squeezed shut as he tensed around the way his breathing tried to hitch. The vision, which already left him raw, flashed resh into his mind’s eye once again. As did the loss of his Lion Bond--or rather, how he never had one, not really--although technically he knew that wasn’t Shiro’s intention. Shiro wasn’t that cruel. His hand clenched around the fabric pocket of the onesie until his knuckles turned white.

“Hey,” Shiro called again urgently. “You still with me?”

Jiro nodded stiffly. He gulped down more air as he tried to stuff down the impending sob that threatened to erupt out. A hitched hiccup escaped instead for his trouble.

Gently Shiro unwound Jiro’s hand from his death grip against the fabric until he could hold Jiro’s hand in his own, shifting so that his good arm and shoulder could support his brother. “I’m sorry. That didn’t help, did it,” Shiro murmured apologetically.

Jiro shook his head furiously. A few traitorous tears leaked out to trail down his cheeks and nose and stinging the ragged scar across his face, before splattering against the tacky thing. Jiro felt Shiro hug him tighter, promptint the violent sob to finally escape. Shiro simply held him closer, but thankfully one-armed. Jiro didn’t know how he’d react if the bayard shifted into Shiro’s prosthetic and rubbed it in even further.

“Which one was it?” Shiro asked softly.

“They chose you,” Jiro finally bit out around his sobbing. “She...the witch. She tu-turn-ned me against them. I wasn’t...I wasn’t strong enough to stop her! A-and they chose you!”

Shiro’s eyes closed. Of course it was that vision, which happened to be his own worst nightmare. Of course, despite his best intentions, lending the silly onesie only made things worse. But, secretly Shiro was glad that Ryou was processing things this way, instead of...

Jiro’s tears gradually slowed into steady, shallow hiccups as they finally spent. For now. Snot and saline still continued to flow from his eyes and nose. Jiro’s face wrinkled in disgust and embarrassment. Shiro wordlessly passed him a box of tissues from the alcove’s shelf. Jiro accepted it and sniffed.

“But how have things happened in this Reality?” Shiro finally said softly.

“They...the Team found you,” Jiro answered hesitantly with a sniff. “I didn’t have to die.”

Shiro hummed his confirmation. “And you were the one to find me. The Black Lion placed the bracelet Princess Allura made me around that prosthetic,” Shiro reminded him. “And you never hurt anyone. Our Team found another way to...” Shiro faltered, then swallowed thickly. “...to bring me home.”

Shiro felt Ryou nod against him. Good. Maybe his words were reaching his twin.

“And even if that did happen, it wouldn’t be your fault. Not now. Not ever.”

A spike of anger shot through Jiro’s chest as a memory of a different vision shoved its way forward. Shiro’s voice through his lips. Lance not contradicting him. No one contradicting him. But he swallowed that resentment back down. Shiro didn’t need to know. He’d sort that one out on his own, or take it to the grave.

Jiro felt Shiro staring at him in bemusement, but thankfully his brother didn’t push it.

“Besides,” Shiro continued. “Is Allura responsible for what Empress Allura has done?”

“No,” Jiro ground out vehemently.

“Then neither is our Team. This Team would never do that. And if for what ever reason they did try it, I’m eating my arm. Then kicking their butts no-handed.”

Despite himself Jiro laughed. And silently he supposed that Shiro’s logic applied to Shiro and That Other Shiro as well (the Shiro that wasn’t him...quiznack this was complicated.) Somehow they had avoided That Reality, although Jiro desperately wished that he wasn’t the one dealing with all the aftershocks as space and time realigned and knitted itself back together. Not that he’d with that on anyone... (the witch included. Especially the witch. He shuddered to think about what she could do with that knowledge.)

“...okay,” Jiro finally whispered tightly. “Although then you really would have two robot arms.”

Shiro barked out a laugh then reached over and tapped Jiro’s right stump. “Technically I already did. Or will.”

Jiro chuckled again, then yawned. Exhaustion dragged at every joint and limb. The vision and his outburst left him feeling emotionally wrung out and spent, but he was still suspicious if sleep would come. Or what it would hold this time.

Shiro released him, then laid down on this side, scooting until his back was flush against the alcove wall and left Jiro with most of the room on the narrow mattress. Jiro rolled his eyes and huffed in exasperation. He placed the tissue box, abandoned datapad, and Shiro’s bayard back onto the alcove shelf above them, passed the folded throw blanket at the foot of the bed to his belligerent brother--really, that should’ve been the first thing to clue him in as to Shiro’s intentions--and settled in on Shiro’s other side. Shiro poked Jiro’s left shoulder and grinned.

Jiro huffed a laugh. “You’re impossible.”

Shiro merely grinned harder. “You know you love me, Roo,” Shiro teased in sing-song.

Jiro rolled his eyes then shoved Shiro’s shin with his foot. “Keep telling yourself that, Kashi.”

“Hey!” Takashi squawked indignantly. “No kicking allowed!”

 “Technically this was your idea,” Ryou snorted. “You should’ve know better, older brother dearest,” he added sweetly.

“I’d say I should ask the witch for a new twin, but I’d rather not know how many more models she made,” Takashi grumbled.

Jiro scooted closer to Shiro. Shiro gently nudged him back to make more room. Jiro obliged, then rested his head under Shiro’s right stump.

“We’ll get her back for that...right?” Ryou asked tentatively.

“Definitely,” Takashi growled. “And I’d pay good GAC to see Allura saiyan blast that witch at least once when we do.”

“Think I could get Hunk to make a popcorn basket to hold over that?” Ryou quipped.

“Dork,” Takashi laughed.

“Technically you’re calling yourself that, Shiro.”

“Mmm. And who recently actually took tactical advice from Return of the Jedi?”

“...I’m glad you’ve forgiven me for that,” Jiro said softly.

Shiro nudged him gently with his shoulder. “I’m still not happy about that, no,” he admitted. “But...I understand. I’m not sure what I would’ve done instead if in your shoes, honestly.”

“Well, thanks for that, anyway,” Jiro mumbled.

“Hey. It all worked out. And regardless as to why or how, I’m glad that you’re my brother.”

“I’m guessing that you’re meaning--?”

“Both, yeah.”

Jiro grinned inwardly. He opened his mouth to reply, but Shiro’s breathing had already slowed to soft, steady snores.

He’d have preferred having his own thoughts and own memories and own identity from the start, he mused. And he’d definitely have preferred being born Shiro’s real twin instead of subbing as a replacement for a stillborn one. But...at least this way he could understand Shiro a bit better. In a sense the two had shared a soul for a time, albeit not quite as literaly as in That Other Reality. And besides: what better way to use Haggar’s “gift” than to better protect and support his brother?

With one final, vindictive grin Jiro felt himself drift to sleep, lulled by the slow, gentle thuds of a twin heartbeat.

[hangonimevolving]

Craft Therapy

Between my dad’s illness, my uncle’s death, and some other random adulting I’ve had to do, the last few weeks have brought much stress, anxiety, grief and loss.  But curiously, they’ve brought great pleasure too.  Different people have different responses to crises.  I have come to recognize that my natural crisis response is to be flooded with a ton of creative energy, and a strong impulse to put things in order, plan, organize, execute, and analyze.  I also feel this almost manic urge to make myself useful to those who need help, and to be a source of comfort, calm, and assistance to those whose grief response is to fall apart, curl up, and have limited function.  There are probably some drawbacks to my way of handling grief - but at least for this phase of life, I’ve focused on using my natural response as an asset, or at least as a productive impulse, to tackle some events that were both planned and unplanned in our lives.

My dad’s whole ordeal took us from late August through mid-September.  I had been brainstorming and contemplating the kids’ Halloween costumes and my annual Trunk or Treat theme for weeks at that point, but once I returned from NOLA following Dad’s surgery, I knew it was time to spring into action.  The kids had selected their costumes way back over the summer, and amazingly they hadn’t deviated from their original ideas.  Vev wanted to be a blue whale, and Dey had stated a wish to be a lobster.  So it was clear to me that our family appeared to be gravitating towards ocean life as a costume theme this year.  Therefore, I decided my Trunk or Treat theme would reflect this preoccupation, and I titled our trunk “Discover the Sea!”.  

Then it came time to start costume planning and construction.  This took the necessary trips to Joann’s, to procure fabric and supplies....

... then a pattern was sketched out for the whale costume, using brown packing paper salvaged from an Amazon Prime shipping box.

Fabric was cut, pieced, and then sewn together...

Then began the process of strategizing batting and foam.

Flippers were created....

... and then inner lining fabric was procured, cut, and sewn, to make the two sides of the whale.  Each side became like a “pillowcase,” into which the foam could be inserted.

Oh, and prior to foam going in - I top-stitched some lines by hand, using embroider floss, to make the stripes and striations on the whale’s underbelly, similar to what a blue whale has.

*This project entailed WAY more hand-sewing than I usually do!  It was quite an education.  My thumbs still ache sometimes, weeks later, when I think about it!

Speaking of hand-sewing - it was time to make eyes for the whale.  I purchased a few sets of doll eyes from Amazon, and used these along with a hot glue gun, fabric, batting, and foam balls, to create a set of realistic (but maybe sorta creepy) eyes for the whale.  

Hand-sewing those eyes, with the eyelids, and then sewing them onto the whale, were both significant undertakings.  I’m surprised at myself!  

I didn’t photograph this next process very well, which is a shame, because it was also a new and challenging undertaking.  But for these costumes, I decided to work with craft wire for the first time.  I was using batting and foam to give the costumes three-dimensionality and texture, but I was concerned about the shape, and ensuring that certain parts of the costumes - specifically, the tails, for both whale and lobster - would be positionable in a cute way that would help people recognize what time of animals they were.  So, I bought this 3 mm craft wire off of Amazon:

And using a pair of wire cutters/pliers that I owned, I go to work making an “endoskeleton” for my whale, that involved two big oval “ribs” in the sides of the whale for support, that each fed into the fins of the tail to help them stay upright and give them shape.  After feeding the wires through the body and tail, I stuffed the tail full of foam and batting, then hand sewed it to the whale body.  I sewed on nylon webbing for straps, and the end result looked like this.

Not bad, eh?  

Then it was time to get cracking on the lobster costume.  Funny - for frame of reference with time, I started the whale on October 3, and finished on October 22.  Obviously, there were many disruptions to my work schedule in that time, including not one, but two trips to New Orleans, and a boatload of grieving.  But the result was, I had only about a week to get the lobster costume done.  So I was motivated.

Cutting began:

Then the batting and backing stages were undertaken, to make a simple apron of sorts:

Then came the creation of legs, which took WAYYY longer and was WAAAYYY harder than I thought it would be!  Using both sewing techniques to create casings, and the craft wire idea I’d had from before, I managed to make 8 of these bad boys in the end.  It was painful, though.

The result were eight tapered, but bendable/shapable legs.  These legs would need to be attached to the inner surface of the apron, and I confess I probably didn’t do as elegant a job of this as I could have - specifically, I could have made the legs, then sandwiched them between my apron layers, but I didn’t - I ended up hand-stitching them to the inside layer, which is considerably less professional, but oh well.  

Then I decided to create a hood for the costume, upon which eyes and antennae would be fitted.  This was yet another new venture for me; I’d never made a hooded garment before (I’ve hardly ever sewn garments in the first place).  I used a double layer of heavy-duty fusible interfacing to give the hood some stiffness and structure, and also to bear the weight of the eyes, which I constructed in a similar fashion to the whale eyes.  

I used a braided triple-strand of red pipe cleaners as the antennae, and created a makeshift grommet to hold them in place on the hood through a reinforced hole that I made with my KAM snap awl.  The result:

Then came the construction of the lobster tail.  I was actually pretty pleased with how this came out.  I made a fatter, puffier, and segmented version of the “pillowcase” using a pattern for a lobster tail that I sketched out on packing paper again.  I also made a pattern for the final “fan” of the tail, and used fabric with several layers of craft interfacing to make that the appropriate texture and stiffness.  

Like with the whale tail, I gave the lobster tail a craft wire “endoskeleton” that coudl be bent into an optimal curled shape if desired.  I didn’t bend either costume too much prior to the day of Halloween, because I didn’t want the wire to get too soft - but on the day of, I took the chance and went for it, and the results were awesome!  

An especially fun detail with this costume is, I was using a shiny stretch material for the red portions, as well as a matte jersey red fabric, just for visual interest - but for certain areas (the underbelly of the lobster, the underside of the tail, etc.), I had this synthetic, scaly, faux crocodile-esque peach fabric that really looked cool.  

Anyway, here’s the tail:

Oh - and the lobster tail was detachable.  I used KAM snaps and my snap press to make some sockets on the apron, and studs on the tail, so that it could be removed.  Reason?  There is NO way Dey could sit in this costume at school with the tail on :)  So I had to come up with a creative solution so that his entire school day, he wouldn’t have to be standing up like a horse!

The final stage of this costume was to make lobster claws, or “snappers,” as Dey called them.  I knew he’d be irritated if they went over his whole hand, like a mitten, so I did some strategizing and came up with a way for him to wear them on the backs of his hands, while keeping his hands free.

And presto!  I was done!  Here are some “day of” pictures.  I splurged and ordered both kids solid color t-shirts and bottoms from Primary, to be worn under the costumes:

I had an internal deadline for completion of the lobster costume as October 27, which would have given me a relaxed three days to work on my Trunk or Treat trunk and really enjoy the process.  

HA.  

Yeah, that deadline came, and it %^ing went.  Fast-forward to me scrambling to finish the lobster costume on October 28th, then 29th, amidst numerous technical difficulties, jammed bobbins, and cursing while sitting at my sewing machine.  This was my view all day, everyday, in the week prior to Halloween:

(feeling murderous)

I managed to do a little bit of detail work on my Trunk here and there during breaks from sewing, but the majority of the trunk was put together on October 30th (and the wee hours of October 31st).  The stages of preparation for my “Discover the Sea” trunk were as follows.

1.  Acquire materials.  Most of what I used for this trunk was salvaged from crap I had at home, or purchased at my local Dollar Tree.  I spent $44 at Dollar Tree, which in my book is kind of like saying I spent $600 in one shot at the grocery store :)  Its kind of a lot of money to spend at a store where everything is a dollar.

If you’re wondering - this is what $44 of goods looks like in the Dollar Tree checkout line:

A few things were bought at Walmart, and I did purchase a can of spray foam insulation from Home Depot.  The total expenses on this trunk were my most to date of any trunk I’ve designed: about $75.  Again, this is probably the last year I’ll ever do this (sniff) so I decided to go out with a bang.

2.  I had a rough vision of my trunk from the get go - I wanted a blue background, with a number of coral reefs in the foreground, and some strands of seaweed framing it all.  I wanted a number of schools of colorful fish swimming about the coral, too.  My vision of coral reefs included a brain coral, and I had a random idea about how to make one.  I was worried that in case it didn't work out, I’d need time to either brainstorm another method, or time to adjust to my vision without the brain coral - so the creation of the brain coral was one of the first things I did.

Ingredients for a brain coral:  dollar store rubber ball, tube of inexpensive silicone caulking from Walmart or Home Depot.  A box or something to hold the ball steady while you’re working.  And down the line - a can of spray paint in a coral reef-y color of your choice.

After making my brain designs on the ball, I knew it would need to cure at least 24 hours before painting - so I set to making the next most time-consuming element of the trunk: the fish.  Using some fish shape templates that I found for free on google and printed, and a stack of craft foam in different colors, a pack of adhesive google eyes and a little tub full of leftover fabric paint from some bygone project, I made about 5-6 long strands of 5-6 fish each.  I had angelfish, parrotfish, seahorse, jellyfish, and sea turtles of various sizes and color schemes.  After cutting out, painting, and allowing these items to dry, I stuck them onto lengths of invisible fishing line (ha! the irony) to be used in the trunk.

3.  Then it came time to assemble some of the coral reefs.

This started with the preparation of several cardboard boxes I’d been saving for the occasion (courtesy of Amazon Prime deliveries).  I filled each box partway with some cheap gravel from Home Depot, so that they’d be weighed down a little and not blow over in the wind...(messy work)

Then I taped the boxes shut, and on some, hot-glued dollar store floral foam on top in strategic places:

covered them with either brown packaging paper, or some gold glittery wrapping paper from the dollar store.

Then came making the coral.  Thanks to a number of awesome tutorials on Pinterest and Youtube like this one, I turned this...

Into these....

4.  I had corals, I had fish, but I feared I might need a few extra doodads to fill in blank spaces... so I employed my children’s help with a stack of dollar store coffee filters and cupcake liners, as well as more google eyes, to make some clams and oysters.  A pack of dollar store pearlescent christmas ornaments served as pearls in the clams’ mouths.  I also blew up some various shades of blue balloons to various sizes, to be used as “bubbles” in the ocean water, just in case I had dead space in the trunk tableau that needed filling.

5.  My spray foam insulation corals!  I almost forgot.  A $3 can of spray foam insulation, some bamboo skewers I had laying around the kitchen, plus some waxed paper laid on the grass, resulted in these:

 6.  I mentally prepped and kept ready the misc supplies I’d need on day-of:  sea-colored backdrops, courtesy of blue metallic disposable tablecloths; dollar store Christmas garlands to serve as seaweed.  Several long bungee cords to use as “belts” around my car’s lift gate, for securing the backdrops and fish strands in place.  And, of course, the toolbox of Trunk or Treat, which includes: scissors, masking tape, scotch tape, staplers, pins, etc.  I also borrowed a few of my kids’ ocean-relevant toys, like Vev’s stuffed animal octopus, Dey’s stuffed animal hammerhead shark, etc. to be placed in empty areas of the trunk and give it more marine life.

7.  I told myself this year I wouldn’t need to trouble myself with making a big sign for my trunk.  I have a small cute wood-framed chalkboard, and I used colored chalk to make a sign that said “Discover the Sea” with some cute cartoony art around it.  But - of course, at the last minute, I found myself making a sign garland with a pretty font and eye-popping colored craft foam, to give the whole thing a polished look.  It was my swan song after all.... again, had to go out with a bang.

Anyway.  SO.  How’d it turn out?  I think fairly well.

Boom.

I think it came out amazing.  I was really proud of it.  

Trunk or Treat is NOT a contest, there were no prizes handed out for trunks, and its all in good fun.  But for me, making this look awesome was not about impressions to other people.  I DESPERATELY needed something to look forward to, something to throw myself into, and something to make myself feel good, after a shitty few weeks.  Every time I look at these pictures, I smile.  I am really happy at how our trunk turned out, and I’m happy that when I look back on this season of my kid’s young childhood, I’ll remember one really fun and validating experience, and not only the heartbreaking challenges and losses that we faced this year.  

Another happy thing that emerged from our trunk - one of the teachers, Ms. K, who teaches for the 4-6 year old classroom, is going to be doing a huge project this spring where she decorates her entire classroom like an ocean scene.  She wants to do sort of a class skit on the story of “The Rainbow Fish,” a popular children’s book.  She really loved our trunk, and when she told me about her plan, I was SOOOO happy to tell her right away that when the time comes, I will gladly donate EVERYTHING I made for this trunk to her.  It would give me so much pleasure and satisfaction to know that the hours of labor I put into making these coral reefs will go on to be used in another setting, for the kids’ benefit.  I hope that we can make it work out!

Anyway.  So, this was it - my Trunk or Treat SWAN SONG!  I have enjoyed every year that I’ve participated in this event, and am very grateful that this year, the experience could be therapeutic and uplifting.  I’ll post a briefer entry next with a retrospective of Halloween costumes I’ve made for my kids, as well as side-by-sides of my trunks over the years.  I also look forward to sharing the crafting projects I’ve been cooking up in the weeks since Halloween - there are a few!  

Here’s to craft therapy.  Love it, love it, love it.

[fiftyeightminutes]

@thank-god-for-gravity tagged me on a prompt post by @kalawolfang:

“I need a fic where they (kalagang) actually spend their birthday together (with lots of fluff and smut)”

Note:  Sorry this took so long!  Life sorta got in the way of filling these prompts as quickly as I had been when I first got them, unfortunately.

This takes place in a Whispersless future again, but not my main fic universe because they haven’t defeated BPO by their birthday in that universe.

Also, this is really just shameless porn.  You might wanna skip this one if that’s not your thing.

---

The first thing Kala is aware of when she wakes up is an ache between her legs.  The second is Wolfgang spooning behind her, cock already half hard.  The third is that some of their clustermates in other time zones apparently started celebrating their birthday without them.  Still half-asleep, Kala feels Sun and her detective moving together in Seoul, Capheus and Zakia making love in the morning light of Nairobi, both Nomi and Lito staying up late with their partners in San Francisco and Los Angeles to do the same.

“Morning,” Wolfgang greets her with a small smile.

Kala groans.  “Couldn’t they have at least waited until we were all awake?” she jokes.

“Guess not,” he shrugs, then leans down to kiss her shoulder.

“We’re lucky Riley and Will aren’t up yet.”

“Want to give them something to wake up to?” Wolfgang teases.

Rolling over to face him, Kala gives Wolfgang a mischievous smile.  “Did you have something in mind?”

Wolfgang kisses her hard, pulling one of her legs over his hip to bring her closer.  She responds instantly.  Gasping into his mouth, Kala wraps her arms around him, running her nails across his bare back.  They kiss open mouthed, barely able to contain the heat they’ve received from the other members of their cluster.  When they finally pull back for air, Kala wears the same smile with a new flush on her cheeks.

“Does that work for you?” Wolfgang asks.

Giggling, Kala pushes his shoulder so he’s flat on his back.  “I can work with that,” she says, moving the leg lying on Wolfgang to the other side of his hip, bringing herself up to straddle him fully.

His hands skim up her legs, over the silk of her nightie to rest on her waist.  Elsewhere, Lito thrusts hard into Hernando, Capheus doing the same into Zakia.  Wolfgang and Kala’s bodies react, grinding against each other through the thin fabric of her underwear.  She’s already wet, and the damp silk creates a deliciously slick friction against his cock.

Wrapping his arms around her waist, Wolfgang flips them so Kala is now face-up on the bed.  Her legs now free, he takes the opportunity to slide her underwear off, tossing them over the side of the bed.  Wolfgang then grips her thighs, picking them up to rest them on his shoulders.  For a moment he just looks at her, taking in the beauty of her splayed before him.  Kala shivers in anticipation.

Then Wolfgang dives in, licking up Kala’s slit and sucking on her clit.  She gasps, grasping at the sheets for purchase.  Crossing her ankles behind his head, she pulls him closer.  He slips his hands under her ass, lifting her up to get access to her.  His tongue slides through her folds, swirling and teasing around her entrance.

“Wolfgang,” Kala sighs.  Her hips buck as he presses his tongue inside her.  They feel Amanita licking Nomi, shooting sparks through them both.  Wolfgang moves with the same pace, reveling in the sensation of Kala falling apart.  Her pleasure rolls through him, straight to his cock.

Writhing with each stroke of Wolfgang’s tongue, Kala draws closer to the edge.  Across the world, Sun reaches her orgasm, pulling Kala along with her.  It radiates from her core.  Her spine tingles, and Wolfgang rides the ghost of her climax with a moan against her clit.

Still shuddering, Kala pulls Wolfgang up for a kiss.  She tastes herself on his lips, drawing a groan from within her.  As he kisses her, Wolfgang’s hands slide beneath her night dress.  He lightly traces his way up her hips, deftly moving under the fabric until his palms rest on her breasts.  When he squeezes her nipples, Kala gasps.  Rather than keeping his attention there, though, Wolfgang grips the nightie and removes it over her head.  She whines at the momentary loss of contact.  Wolfgang chuckles, then makes up for it by bringing one of her nipples between his lips.

Her whining turns into breathy moans, and Kala reaches to grip Wolfgang’s cock.  She strokes him desperately.  He responds by sucking harder on her breast, tongue laving that nipple with affection while he teases the other with his fingertips.

“Wolfgang, please,” Kala keens.

“Please what?” he asks, looking up from her chest with a smirk.  They both know full well what she’s asking for, but he wants to hear her say it.

She blushes.  “Please, Wolfgang,” Kala says, “I want you inside me.”

Wolfgang gives her a quick kiss on the lips, then leans over to their bedside table drawer and grabs a condom.  Tearing the foil wrapper with his teeth, he frees the condom and rolls it down his length.  Kala takes the wrapper from him and tosses it to the floor in a rush.

“You made me say it and then take your time,” she jokingly huffs.

“I’m going, I’m going,” Wolfgang laughs, lining his cock up with her entrance. Her look of mock-frustration turns back to one of heated lust.  Slowly, he pushes inside of her.  Head falling back against the mattress, Kala gasps.  “Fuck, Kala,” Wolfgang groans.

Kala wraps her legs around his waist, keeping him close and giving her leverage to meet his thrusts.  They start out slow.  Methodical.  Just enjoying the steady friction.  Rather than going for speed, Wolfgang works on gradually pressing deeper into Kala.  With each stroke of their hips, he pushes a little further, until she has adjusted to his length and he’s fully sheathed inside her wet heat.  When he starts hitting that soft spot inside her on every thrust, sparks fly across both their vision.

Soon, the slow pace becomes teasing, almost torturous.  Kala reaches down to rub her clit, needing more.  “Faster, please, Wolfgang,” she begs.

Her need flowing through him, Wolfgang picks up his speed.  Matching each of his thrusts with her own, Kala hastens her fingers’ movements to match the new pace.  They moan in sync, minds overlapping completely.  As they lose themselves to their connection, the sensations from the rest of their cluster grow stronger, more tactile.

Shivers go down Wolfgang’s spine.  His thrusts become erratic, both of them moving closer to climax.  Kala presses hard on her clit, her walls clenching around Wolfgang’s cock, and they both come hard.  They move through it, hips rocking together until they’re both spent.

Still shaking slightly, Kala unwraps her legs from around Wolfgang and rests them on the bed.  A bit wobbly himself, Wolfgang slowly pulls out of her.  They are both oversensitive.  Kala gasps lightly as he moves, and Wolfgang suck air between his teeth.  He removes the condom, tying it off in a practice motion before tossing it into the trash can.  Once he’s done, Wolfgang collapses next to Kala on the bed.

“Happy birthday,” Kala laughs.

Wearing a tired grin, Wolfgang turns and gives her a quick kiss. “Happy birthday.”

[wolfypuppypiles]

Your fanfics are absolute blessings?? Sorta addicted to hurt!Alec in Malec fics, so I'm obsessed. Just to put down a prompt idea, no pressure... Magnus gets possessed by a demon (like the possession of Alec and Izzy), and spews hateful words to Alec and attacks him? Alec is injured but expels the demon, and what happens from there is dealer's choice! Vise versa (Possessed!Alec attacking Magnus) is also fine if you prefer that. Have a wonderful, Malec-loving day. ❤❤

awww you are so sweet thank you! This was a great prompt, I really liked how it turned out and it’s longer than my one shots usually are so I really hope you like it!! It’s called “Devil on your mind.” which is a song by whittaker and its really good

Alec knew it wasn’t Magnus, but it was his eyes, and his voice, and it hurt so much. “Magnus, please. Don’t do this, you can fight it!”

The warlock’s eyes were cold, and his voice hard, as he came after the love of his life, with balls of magic curling around his palms. “What if I don’t want to? What are you worth to me? A few years? One measly lifetime? You are a blink of an eye; a memory lost among thousands of others. You are nothing to me.”

Alec let out another sob as he desperately tried to crawl away from his boyfriend. They’d been spending the day together, and it had been perfect, until Magnus had changed.

His shoulders shook, body curling in on itself as he groaned out a warning. “Alec. It’s a…ugh, it’s a demon. I can’t stop it. Run.”

And then his eyes turned cruel and he’d laughed hysterically. It was so unlike Magnus it had made Alec shiver. His voice was tinged with humour. “Too late, little shadowhunter.”

Alec had tried to stop him, tried to draw a devil’s trap on the floor, but the demon was faster, and it had broken Alec’s arm before he could make a single mark. That agony, that white hot pain, blurred Alec’s mind, and he couldn’t think clearly.

And now, the demon stalked its prey, slowly advancing on Alec as he tried to crawl towards the apartment door. Izzy and Jace were trying to get in, but were being kept out by Magnus’ wards. Alec wasn’t even sure how the demon had gotten past it.

The demon threw another ball of magic, one of many that had already been thrown, among kicks and punches and every ugly insult that the demon could find that would hurt Alec.

The ball of flame struck the Nephilim in the chest as he screamed. The concentrated orbs of magic hit like a bat, slamming the shadowhunter to the ground with a force that made several of his ribs snap. Alec sobbed again, unbroken arm wrapping around his chest as he tried to reason with the body the demon was in.

“Magnus, I know this isn’t you. It’s okay. You’ll be okay, we’ll get it out. Just…please try to fight it.”

Jace and Isabelle could hear it all, and slammed at the door with renewed vigour, at the desperation in Alec’s voice. Jace could feel everything his brother did, and he knew that Alec was hurt. His own hands were bloodied, and still he hit them against the doors, desperate to save his Parabatai.

It was agony, hearing and feeling his best friend being hurt by the man he loved, while being shut out, unable to help.

Isabelle cursed as she tried every rune and resource she knew to break the wards and get through, but none were working.

Again, the demon came closer, as Alec backed himself against a wall. He had nowhere else to go and he couldn’t stop him on his own.

Usually, when possessed by a demon, the victim has no control and doesn’t remember it happening afterwards. Alec knew that feeling for himself; that strange hollowness, the loss of time. But because Magnus was part demon, he had more say over what his body did. He didn’t have much control, but he couldn’t bear to hurt Alec anymore.

Using every ounce of strength he had, Magnus forced the demon to the back of his consciousness, and took over his own body, just for a second. But a second was all he needed.

Alec watched Magnus’ steps falter, stumbling as he regained control, before he flung out an arm and took down his wards, allowing Jace and Izzy through. His eyes were full of apologies, and he opened his mouth to tell Alec he loved him, only to growl instead.

The demon took back control, angry at being overpowered, and roared, running at Alec with hands lit up with flames. “You’ll pay for that warlock!”

Alec flinched, curling into a ball against the wall, but those flames never came. Jace and Izzy burst through the apartment doors, weapons raised, and the demon was tackled to the floor, slamming against the hardwood.

Jace struggled to hold the warlock’s hand’s down, but he and his siblings had wrestled enough times that he knew about fifty different ways to pin his opponent beneath him. Finally, he had the demon subdued, hands twisted behind him, useless, as it screamed in rage.

Isabelle raced around the two, quickly drawing a devil’s trap on the floor and beginning her chant. It was a prayer, and a spell, one to exercise the demon and trap it back in hell.

The demon struggled, pulling Magnus’ face into an expression of pain and hate as it was dragged back to hell. Jace pressed it down harder, while doing his best not to hurt the body it was dwelling in. “Get out of Magnus!”

The demon’s screams grew louder and more desperate as Isabelle came to the end of the exorcism, and finally Magnus’ eyes rolled up into his head and he went limp. The demon was gone.

Jace scrambled off him, carefully rolling him over as Izzy knelt beside them. Jace gently shook his shoulder. “Magnus?”

Nothing happened. Alec whimpered from his place against the wall, as he watched Jace grow more worried. The blonde lifted a hand towards him.

“Stay there, buddy. Don’t move.” And then he turned to his sister, voice quiet. “Iz, he’s not breathing.”

The Lightwood girl let out a small curse and went to start compressions, when finally, the warlock shot straight up and gasped. Jace jumped back in fright before taking the other man’s shoulder and leaning down to look into his eyes. They were widened in fright, and Jace kept his voice calm and quiet.

“Magnus? You’re okay now; the demons gone. I’m going to check on Alec. Izzy stay with him.”

Magnus looked up at the mention of his angel’s name, and Jace sprinted over to his brother. Alec was trying to make his way over to the others, but his head pounded and he hurt so bad. His chest was tight, and he couldn’t get enough air in, as he stood on shaky legs, only to fall back on his knees, with a grunt of pain, after the first step.

Jace caught the Nephilim before the rest of him could hit the ground, and he cradled him in his lap as he spoke softly to him.

“Alec, just stay still, we’ll get you both fixed up, but I can’t have you moving. Lay still.”

But Alec didn’t care about himself, he needed to know how his boyfriend was doing. He struggled to sit up in Jace’s arms, whole body shaking as his vision blurred. “Is he okay? Is Magnus okay?”

Jace nodded, looking briefly over to where Magnus was slumped and ragged but sitting up, as Izzy checked him over. He looked shell shocked, eyes frightened as he looked at Alec.

Jace turned back to his brother, and gently lifted Alec’s shirt in order to activate his iratze rune. “He’s fine, he’s just worried about you. Let me see that arm.”

Magnus may have been free of the demon but he remembered Alec’s pleas for mercy, and his screams of agony as he’d attacked him. He could remember the way Alec’s bones had sounded when they broke.

Isabelle whispered reassurances to him as she wrapped a blanket around his shoulders, but he heard none of it as he shook on the ground.

Jace did his best to treat Alec without hurting him further, but the broken arm couldn’t even be touched without causing pain. Magnus couldn’t watch anymore, he couldn’t see that arm laying at such an unnatural position, and he couldn’t hear Alec whimper any longer. It was his fault, he’d done that to him.

The warlock stood on shaky feet, and ran to the bathroom, throwing up as tears streamed down his cheeks.

Izzy came to his aid, kneeling beside him, and rubbing his back as he tried to catch his breath. He didn’t even have to say anything; she’d been in his shoes before and she knew the guilt he felt. “It wasn’t you, Magnus. He knows that.”

But the warlock shook his head. “I wasn’t strong enough to stop it. It was my hands that hurt him, Isabelle. My voice that said those horrible things. How could he ever forgive me? How could he ever look at me again without seeing that monster?”

He dissolved into sobs, and the shadowhunter took him in her arms. She rubbed a hand over his back, her words coming out with a sigh.

“Because he loves you.”……

“Alec, lay back down or I swear to the angel, I will knock your ass out.” Jace was getting impatient with his brother; having to tell him off more than a few times, but the shadowhunter just didn’t want to stay in the infirmary.

“I have to talk to him, I need to make sure he’s okay!” Jace gently pushed Alec back into the bed and pulled his blankets back over him, before readjusting the Iv on his arm.

“And I need to make sure you’re okay. Izzy’s with Magnus, he’ll be all right, but you seriously need to stay in bed. Just let me look after you.”

He was fussing and he knew it but Alec was always a difficult patient; he never liked being kept down for long. Alec sighed in defeat and slumped back in his pillows as Jace carefully placed ice packs all over him.

He hurt all over, his arm still throbbing despite the amount of pain meds in his system, and he had a migraine from the concussion he’d sustained. He watched Jace as he adjusted pillows with his own bandaged hands.

He’d banged on the apartment door so hard and for so long, that he’d ripped the skin over his knuckles and broken a few fingers. Of course, he hadn’t complained, but Alec noticed anyway.“Thanks for saving us.”

Jace nodded, not looking up from his work. His voice was causal, as if banishing demons and saving lives was no big deal. “You know I’ll always come save you. I’m just glad you’re okay. Magnus will be too, and I did my best not to hurt him when I attacked the demon. He might have some bruises though.”

Alec took his hand, making it pause from where it had been drawing an iratze on the Lightwood’s side. “I mean it. Thank you. That demon would have killed me if you hadn’t stopped it.”

Jace looked uncomfortable at the thought, and shrugged, frowning at a bruise and a graze over Alec’s jaw.

“You’ve handled worse before. You could have taken him.”

“No, I couldn’t.” His voice was quiet as he looked up at the ceiling. “I didn’t even fight back, Jace. I couldn’t hurt Magnus.”

The image of Alec laying on the ground, broken and bloodied by Magnus’ hands, struck Jace so hard that he shuddered. He gave his hands something to do, to take his mind off the horrible image of his brother being killed by the person he loved most, and carefully cleaned the graze on Alec’s face, making him wince.

“Well it’s a good thing Izzy and I were there then.” He was clearly upset, and Alec let out a soft sigh and took his parabatai’s hand.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to… Thanks for taking care of me.” Jace gave him a reassuring smile, and squeezed his hand back.

“Anytime.”

……………

It was a few days until Jace let Alec leave his bed, and in that time, he hadn’t managed to get Magnus on the phone.

Izzy said he was fine, just shaken and feeling guilty after the whole awful ordeal, but Alec was worried. He knew exactly what Magnus was going through, he’d buried himself in his guilt when he killed Joycelyn and hadn’t let anyone help shoulder the pain. Until Magnus took it from him.

Alec needed to know he was okay, and he needed Magnus to know that there was nothing to be sorry for.

He was still healing, and his arm was in a cast, but he was feeling much better and he finally talked Jace into letting him go so he could talk to his boyfriend.

He headed straight for the apartment, finding the doors tightly shut and the wards back up and stronger than before.

Alec was usually the only person that could enter whenever he liked, because he considered it home too. But this time it was locked, and so, he resorted to knocking.

“Magnus it’s me.”

The apartment was quiet for a few moments before Alec could hear something like ice clinking in a glass, and then a soft voice from close behind the door.

“Alexander. Are you, all right? How badly did I….?”

Alec leant against the door, hating the distance between him and his warlock.

“I’m fine, Jace fixed me up.”

Another pause and then Magnus’ sombre voice.

“Then you should go.”

“Magnus.” The name came with a breath of surprise. Alec pounded on the door again.

“I’m worried about you, please just let me in.”

He didn’t hear anything for a few moments, and thought that Magnus was ignoring him, until the wards shimmered and fell around the door, as it opened, allowing Alec through.

The shadowhunter found him on the balcony, looking out over the city with a glass in his hand. Alec walked over to him but the warlock didn’t turn.

“Magnus, are you okay? Are you hurt?”

He wanted to reach for him, but Magnus was keeping his distance, and hadn’t even looked at him yet.

“I’m fine. You’re not.”

Alec stepped closer. “I’m healing, I’ll be okay. Hey, come on, look at me.”

The warlocks head lowered and he set his glass down, fingers curling into fists.

“I can’t. How can you be here? How can you stand to look at me?” His voice was shaky, and it was evident that he was hurting. Alec came up behind him, reaching for one of his hands.

“It wasn’t you, Magnus.”

The warlock let out a small trembling breath, tears blurring his vision as Alec’s fingers curled around his.

“I hurt you. I said such horrible things.”

Alec pulled gently on his hand, turning him around to face him, but Magnus kept his eyes closed and his face ducked low. There were tears trailing down his cheeks, and Alec’s breath hitched at the sight of them.

“No, you didn’t. That’s what the demon did, and it’s gone now. It can’t hurt us anymore.”

Magnus still wouldn’t look at him, but Alec was standing so close now, and he lifted Magnus’ hand to his mouth, kissing the fingers as the warlock curled them away as if it hurt to be given affection.

“Alexander.” The name came as a plea, but Alec wouldn’t let him be pushed away. He wouldn’t let Magnus hurt on his own.

“That wasn’t you. You wouldn’t say those things and you would never hurt me.”

Using his good hand, Alec guided Magnus’ palm to his own cheek, pressing it to his face. His voice was insistent and calm. Magnus couldn’t get the image of Alec cowering away from him, out of his head, but Alec wasn’t afraid.

“This is you. Here with me. You kiss me every morning, and make tea in your robe, and you like to sing when you think I can’t hear you.”

Magnus let out a sob, eyes still tightly shut as Alec brushed his hair back with a gentle finger.

“You like to spoil me, even though I tell you every time that all I need is you. I fall asleep with you wrapped around me, and wake up with your hand in mine, and I’ve never been happier in my life, than when I’m with you. You’ve given me everything I ever wanted, and never thought I could have. You are Magnus Bane, you are my boyfriend, and you are everything good in this world. That thing that hurt me wasn’t any part of you.”

Magnus moved his hand from Alec’s cheek, down to the Nephilim’s chest, where he could grip his shirt and feels his heart thumping beneath his fingers.

Alec spoke again, taking Magnus’ other hand and squeezing it in comfort. “Open your eyes. Look at me, baby, come on.”

Magnus took a shuddering breath, and slowly opened his eyes, only to step away from the shadowhunter and sob again as he took in the damage to his boyfriend. The bruises over every part of his skin, the cast on his arm, the grazes over his face.

“Oh god, what have I done. Look at you, my poor angel. I’m so sorry.”

Alec didn’t let the warlock move away, taking his waist, and pulling him back to his chest.

“You didn’t do this. You would never do this. Magnus, kiss me.”

The immortal shook his head, eyes unable to stray away from the deep black bruises smeared across Alec’s collarbone where he’d kicked him. Alec didn’t relent, voice dipping to a breathy whisper as he held Magnus close, noses brushing, their lips only a breath apart.

“Kiss me.”

Magnus surged forward, pressing his lips to Alec’s perfect mouth with a shaking gasp. He tasted the way he always had; like safety and home, and everything he’d ever wanted.

Alec’s heart was thumping under his palm, as the Nephilim buried his fingers in his hair at the back of his head.

Everything else melted away. He wasn’t that horrible thing, he wasn’t cruel and his hands weren’t the fists that had beaten Alec down. His hands were soft where they touched his angel, fingers brushing across Alec’s cheek.

He was not the cold, hard, voice that told Alec he meant nothing; he was a man with a heart bursting at the seams with love. That’s all they were, in that moment. Two people in love.

He finally broke the kiss, and Alec smiled, seeing the grief and pain gone from his boyfriend’s face. “There you are. My beautiful warlock.”

Magnus finally relaxed in his hold, and Alec pulled him to his chest for a hug. He was enveloped in safety, and Magnus breathed a sigh of relief.

“I love you, Alexander.”

Alec kissed his temple, and squeezed him tight.

“I love you too, Magnus.”

(I really hope you like it!! Please tell me what you think!! I’ll post this on my ao3 and ff.net accounts too! and thanks again for the prompt!!!)

[rawcbwzx-blog]

Stats question # 1?!?!?!?

Stats question # 1?!?!?!?

a random sample of 40 employees benefit packages showed that the average deductible in the employee health insurance plan was $200 with standard deviation of $30. Find a 90% confidence interval for the average deductible on employee health insurance plans. any help with TI-84 calc would be cool

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :INSUREQUOTE.US

SOURCES:

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[booksbroadwaybbc]

Why SMART Goals Are Stupid (and What to Use Instead) via /r/selfimprovement

Why SMART Goals Are Stupid (and What to Use Instead)

[Note: This originally got dinged by the automod because I linked to an infographic from a website (not my own) explaining SMART goals. Fixed now.]

Setting goals is the first step to success in any endeavour (Canadian spelling throughout, sorry!). In your self-improvement journey, you’ve likely heard about setting SMART goals, in particular. This method is commonly touted as the ideal way to set goals.

However, I think that in the context of personal development, setting goals under this framework is a mistake.

In this post, I’ll give you an in-depth explanation as to why SMART goals aren’t so smart after all. Plus, I’ll show you the goal-setting system I’ve developed, which I credit for a massive portion of my own personal success (which includes getting a full-time tech internship, maintaining a 3.9 GPA in a STEM field, and more).

The Pros of SMART Goals

If you’re not familiar with SMART goals, they are goals (obviously!) which are:

1. Specific: Your goals need to be well-defined. You should be able to say exactly what your goal is, where you can go to accomplish it, who you will need to work with, and what resources you need access to accomplish it.

2. Measurable: Your goals need to be trackable. If you cannot track your successes and failures, you’ll never know what you’ve accomplished.

3. Attainable: SMART goals are realistic and achievable.

4. Relevant: Your goals need to align with the vision you have of the life you want to live.

5. Time Based: Your goals need to have specific target dates.

There is some research that this method of goal-setting is effective. And I think they are definitely useful in some cases.

In particular, SMART goals are great for tackling projects in an academic or corporate environment.

The problem is, academia and stuffy corporate offices are typically not representative of The Real World™. And they’re certainly not representative of the type of environment you should create to foster personal growth.

The Cons of SMART Goals

The reason this method is inappropriate for personal development is twofold.

First, the idea that the changes you should make to optimize your health, finances, and relationships are necessarily easily attainable is laughable.

There’s a good chance that only massive change can bring you to the life you want to lead. Further, studies show that people actually perform better in the face of challenging goals.

Second, the focus of SMART goals is entirely on the goal-setting process.

Obviously, setting goals is desirable. But the process is useless unless it’s accompanied by a framework for pursuing them.

An Optimized Alternative

For those of you interested in becoming richer, happier, and healthier, I’ve developed my own system. Instead of setting SMART goals, you should be setting GROWTH goals.

GROWTH goals are...

1. Game-Changing:

You need to set goals that will change how you play the game of life. Forget about “achievable” or “realistic” goals. You need to push yourself to get results.

Do you think that when Michael Phelps was growing up, he thought “my goal is to qualify for the Olympics”? No way. He wanted to be the greatest of all time and worked accordingly. You don’t become the most decorated Olympian of all time by aiming low.

Find your Olympics and aim to become its Michael Phelps.

2. Reviewable:

Review your goals regularly and ask yourself the following questions:

-> Am I on track?

-> Could I be doing more to reach my goal(s)?

-> Is my goal still properly aligned with my vision?

Suppose that you had set a goal to lose fat. In particular, you’ve decided that you’d like to drop down to a body fat percentage of 15%. You might reach 16% or 17% BF and realize that you have a lot more to lose to get the physique you want. That’s okay, simply adjust the goal accordingly. In this case, you might want to now aim for 12% BF and calibrate your diet accordingly.

Conversely, it’s possible to set a goal that will need to be adjusted in the other direction, so that it aligns with your future vision. For example, continuing with the fat loss scenario, you might set a goal of 9% BF but once you reach 11% BF, you notice your strength training is suffering. If strength is more important to you than having a shredded body, there’s nothing wrong with re-adjusting your fat loss goal to suit that.

(Note: I am not advocating for you to give up on your goals early and convince yourself that you are fine with mediocrity. Be honest with yourself.)

By reviewing your goals, you’ll know before you reach them that they need to be adjusted. Not after you’ve already “succeeded”.

The frequency with which you should review your goals will depend on your overarching time-frame. A good rule of thumb is to take an inventory of your finances, health, and relationships every 90 days (about 4 times per year).

Of course, you don’t need to wait for 90 days to pass if you realize that your goals are no longer working for you. Play it by ear.

3. Optimized

Well-defined and positively framed goals are optimized goals.

Specific goals have been shown to be the most effective in academia, business, and personal development. These outperform both no goals and vague “do better” goals. Similarly, positively framed goals (e.g. “I will do my homework every day”) lead to better performance than negatively framed goals (e.g. “I will stop neglecting to do my homework).

Define your goal as specifically as possible by asking yourself the following five questions:

-> What do I want to accomplish?

-> How long should this take me?

-> Who can help keep me accountable?

-> Do I know anyone that has achieved this goal? If not, how do I find those people?

-> Where can I access resources to help me accomplish this goal?

Once you do this, when you write down your goal, make sure to phrase it in a positive way.

With well-defined and positively framed goals, you’ll be able to focus and apply yourself effectively.

4. Worthwhile

Your goals need to be aligned with your future vision. Life is too short to waste time chasing after someone else’s dreams or pursing frivolous goals.

It might be a cool learning experience to read every single one of Friedrich Nietzsche’s works but unless you want to be a philosophy professor, there are better goals for you to set.

Spelling out why you want to accomplish a particular goal is extremely motivating. Every day, as you work towards it, you’ll know that you’re working towards living the life you want.

5. Trackable

In order for you to properly review your goals (see above), you need to set goals that are trackable. That is, your goals need to be quantitative not qualitative.

Saying “I want to be rich” is a bad, qualitative goal. Saying “I want to make $250k / yr from my online businesses” is a good, quantitative goal.

Quantitative goals, by definition, can be broken down into smaller increments (quantities). If you want to make $250,000 online per year, you can easily break that down into sub-goals, such as making your first $1 online, making $1,000 per month, making $100,000 per year, etc.

Qualitative goals don’t work this way. If your goal is to “be rich”, you either are or you aren’t. You can’t be “sorta rich” along the way. Without sub-goals, you will lose all your motivation because you are never reaching checkpoints where you can celebrate your success.

6. Healthy

I mean two things when I say that your goals should be healthy.

First, it should go without saying, but your goals need to not be unhealthy. For your goals to be game-changing (see above), you need to push the boundaries of your body and mind. But don’t forget that some boundaries exist for a reason and should be respected. For example, unless you’re a bodybuilder, you shouldn’t aim for less than 6% body fat as a male, or 14% body fat as a female.

Second, your goals should be health-oriented. You should apply the GROWTH framework to goals which improve your financial, physical, and/or mental health. Focusing on these key areas will yield the greatest personal development and overall happiness.

Further Reading

If you’re interested in learning more about the science and current state of goal-setting theory, I’d recommend "New Developments in Goal Setting and Task Performance", edited by leading researchers Edwin A. Locke and Gary P. Latham.

This book contains a chapter entitled “Using Goal Setting Theory to Promote Personal Development” which is dedicated to studying the science of goal-setting for self-improvement. While it’s a touch heavy on scientific jargon, it’s still fairly accessible. Plus, there’s lots of useful information in this book, which you can easily translate into actionable advice.

***

I hope some of you can find value in setting GROWTH goals.

This is a re-formatting of a blog post from my site; my goal is to help other millennials harness the power of systems to optimize their finances, health, and relationships.

Submitted June 20, 2018 at 06:38PM by OptimizedAJ via reddit https://ift.tt/2lnomEQ

[basketballandbs-blog]

Demarcus Cousins Trade Winners and Losers

Most likely by the time you read this word has gotten to you that the Sacramento Kings have traded their mercurial and volatile yet super talented center Demarcus Cousins along with small forward Omri Casspi to New Orleans in return for rookie Buddy Hield, Tyreke Evans, Langston Galloway and a 2017 first round and second round pick (via Philadelphia). Everything about this trade screams big deal on down to its timing (being announced roughly an hour after the All-Star game in which Cousins and new teammate and ASG MVP Anthony Davis played) so clearly there is plenty excitement around it and rightfully so. This is a move that changes the face of the bottom of the playoff this season and will have an exponentially larger effect on this face of the entire league for years to come.

Naturally when a trade of this proportion occurs the immediate questions to ponder are who won and who loss. Granted, most of us realize this is a fool’s errand since it may be years before we can truly assess how this pans out but the allure of talking about who got taken advantage of is too good to pass up. With that said leave it up to me, your prince of prognostication to help make some sense out of this……maybe.

Winner: Tyreke Evans

Before his arrival in New Orleans Evans spent his first four seasons with the Kings, winning Rookie of the Year with them during the 2009-2010 season. Injury and a lack of consistent play more or less got him out of town the summer of 2013 when the Pelicans signed him. Throughout his stint in The City he has seen similar difficulties with staying healthy and finding consistency when in the court. This allows him to go back to a familiar place and a situation that he knows (as dysfunctional as it is). I can actually see this being a positive experience for his career (much how Rudy Gay has been able to find success there).

Loser: Buddy Hield

And I couldn’t feel worse about it. Hield stole our hearts as the gritty gunslinger for the Oklahoma Sooners who led them to a very rare Final Four appearance. Everyone fell in love with the four year guard as the buzz around him heading into the draft was deafening. When he got drafted by the Pels the reaction was mostly enthusiastic. However, a very slow start to the season which saw him struggle trying to adjust to the new three point line and just the speed and physicality of the pro game hampered much of the enthusiasm exuded before he stepped foot on and NBA court. Even after a recent uptick in production it seems that New Orleans was already convinced that he probably wouldn’t be the guy to man the 2 spot for the next several years and decided to move on from him. Trouble is, he’s going to an organization that is pants-shittingly bad at developing young players. Best case, Hield does enough to navigate through some of the asshattery of the Kings organization and not let it kill his confidence or his game and ride his contract out in order get back on the market. But look at how good that is working for Ben McLemore. Scratch that, best case the Kings make another bone headed trade involving him in the next 12 months and he lands on the Spurs or something.

Winner: Omri Casspi

Casspi has been out a little over a month with a calf injury but before then he struggled to see the floor under Dave Joeger’s leadership. This is strange for a guy that is coming off of a career year in Sac-Town last season in averaged 12 points and nailed threes at a 41% clip. Casspi is also a pretty stout defender so he actually fills a well-known need at the 3 spot for the Pels as while they have seen flashes of adequate play from a number of guys at small forward has struggled to find anything that sticks there. Casspi and Boogie are also good friends so that helps. Most players would take exception to being thrown in as almost a companion piece in a blockbuster trade but Omri isn’t in the position to complain. Not that I think he would. Seriously YouTube Omri and Boogie videos, these dudes love each other.

Loser: Langston Galloway

In theory this is a more or less a lateral move. Going from one team with a stacked yet poorly utilized backcourt to an even more stacked backcourt that’s even more poorly utilized. But in all honesty this may be someone who just missed the train Silver lining, because I’m just that kind of dude, Sacramento’s backcourt is wrecked by injuries right now with only red-headed stepchild Ben McLemore and Darren Collison cleared to play in the Kings’ next tilt against Denver on Thursday. In addition, these two guys are very tradeable much like……well………EVERYONE ON THEIR DAMNED ROSTER! However, Galloway’s game is one that I think head coach Dave Joerger values and reminds him of his time in Memphis so the table is set for him to come in immediately and impress. He also gets to link up with fellow local boy Garrett Temple who was having a solid year given the circumstances before his hamstring injury that has sidelined him for the past few weeks. Then there is the rumor that he will be waived. With the attrition the Kings are seeing in the backcourt and the fact that he has a player option further complicates this.

Winner: Demarcus Cousins

This was a fitting divorce to a VERRRRRRRRY volatile marriage. Boogie and the Kings was that couple that you hated double dating with because at any moment they could erupt into a massive argument that totally embarrasses everyone involved and leads to hours of talking about them with your spouse. So now that they have put each other out of their collective misery (sorta) it’s time to discuss who won the break up. Right now, I’m going to go with Boogie. Sure, his numbers may dip a bit (as will AD’s) but his addition now gives New Orleans the most fearsome frontcourt in the league (no really let that set in). With Boogie, the key will be winning and winning right away. Admittedly, the Pellies don’t have the most attractive roster outside of this duo and Jrue Holliday. But with the space created with the bodies they gave up, the relatively not terrible anymore contracts they have on the books and a few days left before the trade deadline to fill holes (ahem, 2 guard spot) they can really go a long way in showing both of their frontcourt stars that they are serious about winning in the long term but they have to move fast. There’s also the matter of playing these guys together in a death line up and staggering their minutes. But this is a discussion better slated after the trade deadline when we have a better idea how this roster will look moving forward. But, in the now Boogie loves AD, is closer to home and will have a few weeks of just wrapping his head around a new, less toxic situation.

Loser: Sacramento Kings

I mean it’s the Kings y’all. They’re not losers because of the return on the trade per se, many around the league have expressed that this was about as good as they were going to get. This is more so about the culture of a franchise that put themselves in a position that forced their hand to trade off one of the most dominant players in the league over the past half-decade. There is the coaching carousel, including the part where they fired the only coach that Boogie jibed with, the fact that he has never played with an above average point guard, their failure in crafting a decent team around Boogie despite owning several high draft picks, the contentious relationship with the city and just the top down incompetency of the organization starting with ownership. I could go on and on and on about this but it would be superfluous (says the guy who is already at 1350 words). Best case, everyone in the organization immediately realizes how YUGE a loss this is and dedicate themselves to being a better organization moving forward. If this means blowing this up and trading everyone that isn’t bolted down (heads up, no one’s bolted down) so be it but there needs to be a clear and unified vision for this franchise from this moment. Either way, look a lot of moves from them in the coming days because this will be a good indication of what direction they are looking to take.

Dunno yet: New Orleans Pelicans

Sorry folks, but there are waaaaaaay too many moving pieces and waaaaaaay too many moves left to be made in the very near future before we can begin to call this. Sure, as mentioned earlier they now possess the most fearsome frontcourt in the league. However, this claim was much more meaningful five years ago. Don’t get me wrong this is still a game changer but there are questions about how they will look defensively along the perimeter and how to play them together in the death lineup (because you GOTTA play them together in the death lineup). There’s also the question of who will round out the lineup. Due to the departures of Hield and Evans the only 2 guard currently on the roster is E’Twaun Moore. Can Solomon Hill be able to get minutes at backup 4 where he is better suited? And in the long term will they be able to either re-sign Holiday or get another floor general of equal or greater value? Because as much as AD and Boogie are psyched to play with each other a good point guard is vital in keeping that love fest going. In a head to head comparison New Orleans definitely wins. They get one of the great talents in the league to pair with the great talent they already have and they moved a pair of guys that didn’t really move the needle for them, a guy that they want to do the whole free agency dance with and a pair of pick that they will most likely not miss (and if you look at New Orleans’ post AD draft history it’s probably for the better). Moreover what this does signify for the Pels is hope. The last time hope was present so heavily in a New Orleans team it delivered a Super Bowl. Sure a bit hyperbolic and no I’m not calling for 2017 Finals appearance for this group but if they can follow this up with a series of good moves and some good fortune we may be able to celebrate this team in some capacity sooner rather than later. New Orleans is a city that is lauded for its culture. Part of that culture is making more from less. We’ve seen it done before, let’s see how this plays out with a little help.

-H.B.