#still not gonna spoil who it is tho
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just saying guys… i think my nct dream fic for the vday thing is coming out to be really funny.. and you guys would like it…
#mejaemin yaps#its not humor based tho#its like a kinda thing thats like so cute its funny#still not gonna spoil who it is tho
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decided to leave my job and i'm gonna fr gonna cryyyyy
#literally can't work with my new boss bc i can't trust her#she went to the head of the department with complaints abt me without ever speaking to me or giving me any indication she was unhappy#and various other reasons im not happy w management and the school in general#HOWEVER#i love the kids sm and im gonna miss them and worry abt them 😭😭😭😭#im literally scared for some of them bc it feels like the other teachers have no empathy for some of my favorite kids#one of them who is so so sweet and when he cries i'm the girst to comfort him bc everyone else thinks he needs to toughen up 😭#also my new boss sucks so so bad and is gonna be such a bad influence on him and all the other kids#and my main co teacher said she's gonna quit if i do so i cant even beg her to look out for my babies and take care of them 😭💔#and it would be unprofessional to mention any concerns to the parents but genuinely some of the kids would be better off elsewhere#like im actually worried about it#i dont want some of the really sweet sensitive kids to lose their sweetness bc they're being treated unkindly#and the worst bullies and spoiled kids are the ones the teachers dote on#so it encourages some of the sweet ones to act out for attention#anyway 💔#i really do need to go tho#and i'm sure i'll love the kids at my new job#but im so sadddd#also its unlikely i can find a well paying job w this age group even tho i love this age group#its basically impossible not to get attached to them at this age and i get to pick them up and hold and cuddle them and stuff#and you cant really do that with the older kids sadly#literally on the verge of tears even seriously thinking abt leaving#things have been p bad for a while due to management but i never seriously considered leaving bc i love the kids so much#but i literally can't see a future here#and my new boss clearly hates me and im worried she's going to try to get me fired#she already made up a bunch of lies about me and its only been three weeks#anyway i only make 15 an hour so hopefully i'll at least get more somewhere else and i know i'll still love the kids#its just really hard#which is why i've stayed this long#i was p unhappy before my new boss even started bc of the way they treated my old boss
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snippet saturday
still not a thing but this is my blog and i make the rules and i'm THINKING about birdie and fabin. i swear i'll get back to jack and arthur in a second just let me scream about birdie and fabin for a minute
Emilia tucks her wings against her back, settling in the grass next to Birdie. “When do you think we’ll have to return to Morbhard?”
Birdie stares out over the fields, her pulse quickening. Emilia senses that she’s asked a question that Birdie doesn’t want to answer. Birdie lets out a long breath. “I’m not sure.”
A lie, but Emilia doesn’t question it.
Birdie glances at the sky. “The sun will go down soon. I should make preparations. It’s the full silver moon tonight.”
Emilia shrinks into her human form and sets her hand on Birdie’s shoulder. “I can make the tea if you’d like.”
Birdie smiles. “Thank you. That would be nice.”
Emilia returns to the cottage and puts the kettle on the fire, digging her toe into the floor as she mixes the herbs. As much as she trusts them, as much as they’ve all grown closer over the weeks and months at the cottage, Birdie is still hiding things.
The kettle finally starts to whistle and Emilia pours a cup of tea. She heads back out to the garden. Birdie is standing next to Fabin, clearly just arrived from the forest, smiling up at him as he complains that the deer are getting better at hiding. Her laughter dies abruptly as the silver moon’s light hits her, her preparations forgotten in the grass a few steps away.
Fabin backs away as Birdie’s silver light explodes outward, a pulse of magic flattening the grass in a circle around her. Her tripled voice shrieks, her hair lifting off her shoulders. The entire whites of her eyes burn silver.
Blood starts to run from her nose. Fabin shrinks and tries to step closer, shouting her name. Emilia grabs a washcloth and grips it tightly behind her back, the fabric straining as she twists it nervously.
Birdie’s eyes begin to bleed as well, silver light pulsing from her. Fabin grits his teeth and takes three more shaking steps through the waves to reach Birdie. He grabs her shoulders and Emilia hears him shout her name.
Blood is streaming from her eyes and ears now, the third recitation barely begun. Fabin winces as silver magic lashes out at him, cuts opening on his cheeks. He keeps hold of Birdie, shaking her shoulders, trying to wake her up.
The silver light fades and Birdie’s eyes roll back. She collapses and Fabin catches her, lowering her slowly to the grass.
“Shit.” Jack and Arthur freeze in the doorway of the cottage. “Is she okay?”
“Does she fucking look okay?” Fabin growls, glaring at them. He snatches Birdie’s handkerchief from where she’d left it in the grass and starts to gently wipe the blood from her face. Emilia picks up the cup of tea again and moves cautiously. Birdie’s eyelids are fluttering, though she is limp in Fabin’s arms.
“The tea for her throat,” Emilia says quietly, when Fabin looks up at her with another growl. “I’ll look at those cuts.”
“I’m fine.” He holds the teacup to Birdie’s lips and Emilia flinches at the audibly painful gulps. “Birdie, can you hear me?”
Her silver eyes flick up to his face before fluttering closed again. She tucks her face into his chest.
Fabin leans down to murmur something to her that Emilia doesn’t hear. He presses his cheek to the side of Birdie’s head and Emilia stifles a gasp, averting her eyes.
Fabin stands with Birdie in his arms. “She needs to rest,” he says, not looking at any of them. He winces as he adjust his hold on her and Emilia wonders what other damage Birdie’s backlash did.
He says nothing else as he carries her into the house. Emilia bites her lip as Jack and Arthur turn to her with wide eyes. “I’ll make some more tea.”
#idk who to tag in this i just wanted y'all to know about Them#yeah last time most of you saw birdie she was like seven. now she's 19 and she's a monsterfucker. fabin is the monster obv.#and her godlike power is killing her btw. every time she puts off figuring out the prophecy her trances get worse. if u cared#writeblr#writeblr community#dark fantasy#fantasy novel#original fiction#i'm gonna finally post that wip intro for the raedoran cycle and then i'm just going to start posting out of context snippets#i don't work on this monster linearly. y'all got spoiled w lacuna#the rest of the RC? a hot mess. still deciding on the ending. lacuna went so smoothly bc i already knew what was going to happen#bc it was supposed to be a prequel short story!! curse u muse!!#anyway i'm SO normal about birdie and fabin. this is the least unhinged you will ever see me about them. just wait until he meets maura :))#fabin the most unfriendly motherfucker in the world is soft for one (1) person. will rip your throat out if you even look at her wrong#not like keelan tho. keelan has attack dog vibes but he can be controlled. nobody controls fabin#what are his goals? :)))))))#rb original#the witch#the raedoran cycle#birdie#fabin#emilia#jack#arthur
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engaging in fandom is fun but i am having a blast going through tma by myself with just a 20 page document where i write down all my thoughts and predictions and live reactions
#i do what i can!! because 1) i don't wanna get spoiled. 2) i have no friends to scream at and 3) this is such a random thing for me to--#--have gotten into so i'm sure i wouldn't have friends who would even know what i was screaming about anyway !#i almost cried earlier because i started getting emotional about something SDFGHJKJHGF im gonna EXPLODE#i wish i had someone to scream at but i don't wanna b annoying!! <- me when avpd#but i'm still having fun and oooohhuuughghgh this series is gonna make me exploooode#ANYWAY THAT'S MY 3AM DIARY ENTRY WHILE EVERYONE IS SLEEPING#i'll be real i haven't been drawing anything that anyone would care abt but that's okay ! i'm havin a good time i think!#i'll try to doodle some ykz or re soon tho :>#the void screaming
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#i just REREAD THE LYRICS I REWROTE THE OTHER NIGHT AND IM LOSING MY SHIT GUYS IT TOTALLY WORKS IN THE SONG LMAO#how did i write all that while half asleep lmao WHO THE FUCK RHYMES* THOSE TWO WORDS???? (*assonance rhyme not real rhyme)#im screaming i want to post now but i still have to draw cal next (bro is basically done) and thEN COLOUR IT#but i got the lyrics all typed out on pc now resdy to go im losing my shit singing the new words along#the meter of it is so fucking funny holy shit#screammminnnnggggg#guys please let me scream to u#i dont want to spoil it but hear me that im so fucking excited for this shit#holy fuck im gonna scream tho i need the world to hear how i rewrote that#it matches the song it matches the english translation and it matches the fan art/fandom/characters#like#please someone i am going nuts and bolts over here#delete later / /#ShitPost.exe
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YouTube stop recommending me in stars and time videos when I'm only halfway through the game challenge
#becca rambles#PLEASE#im only on act 3!!! i dont even know all of bonnies favorite foods yet!!!! stop recommendeding me things from act 5!!!!!! augughfhbfbfb!!!#i got kindaaaa spoiled thanks to the thumbnail. it wasnt a big thing tho it was just a small detail#that me and my friend (whos playing the game with me) had theorized about. its a very small thing tho#BUT STILL is there like. a way to stop this from happening other than just stop using youtube entirely until we finish the game#bc i know for sure theres gonna be so msny insane things happening later in the game that i really dont wanna get ruined for me
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Sorry for failing to post more than once every 3 am anyways more stalien icons 👍
#keese draws#eternal gales#oc art#oc#ocs#now sprinkles is the only one left icon wise and ref wise Ive finished aris mase and the snake triplets#oh and then icons for the human kids all need to be made but thats a future me problem#Im probably gonna go for dodie or sier next for new ref#although idk when thatll be since Ive been once again burnt out as hell#but yeah I've been thinking abt the eg cast again I love them all sm#idk maybe I should make them lil summary pages so I can better introduce them all#I dont want to go too deep into actual plot stuff tho as while I dont have issues with spoiling things pre actually making the comic just#due to the fact that things are still prone to change I also would rather not basically live script out the story to summarize one scene#its the eternal problem with talking abt eternal gales its the kind of story where you really arent meant to know more than the characters#and as such while the worldbuilding is important to understanding the plot from an overarching perspective thats not rly how the story is#meant to be told as quite frankly I dont think that is or should be the appeal of this story#eternal gales is pretty much set to be an aquired taste of a story since the core of it is less abt watching characters in a plot and more#abt watching said characters having a plot happen at them while they try to navigate the situation and their relationships with eachother#basically it's hard to summarize cause while there is a plot thats not really how Id advertise it as a story#theres a reason Im not jumping straight into this project rn even tho I do wanna make it real some day and its how damn ambitious it is#Ill get there some day but itll likely still be several years at least until I go for it#mostly because Im gonna need to learn some programming skills or get someone who has them already to help#I also ideally wanna finish spiraling upwards first which will also likely be a several year project#tbf thats mostly because Im just being slow as hell to work on that one#but it's a warriors fan comic so Im trying not to put too much pressure on myself
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bro I don’t wanna go to class tomorrow. I think I’m gonna skip
#they both post their slides it’ll probably be fine#I still gotta go up to campus for work tho :/#hell world. I cannot wait for this semester to be over#only a couple more weeks and then it’s exam period#and I only have two exams so hopefully that won’t be too bad (one of them is online open book and by a prof who loves to spoil his exams#so really I only have one that I actually have to worry about)#and it’ll be April so I’ll have shit like the set it off show to look forward to at that point#and uhhhh what else do I got going on#I ordered a piece of merch I’ve been wanting for years(?) off of eBay? That’s supposed to arrive in April ig#it’s one of kurtis conner’s please be nice to me it’s the law sweaters#and I’ve been obsessed with them since they dropped but didn’t buy one#but today I found one on eBay for a really decent price so I decided that I was gonna go for it#Maybe a little too excited for that to arrive#I just love to the design it’s so iconic
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POTES SEMI-LIVEBLOGS KOTOR!
ive been writing my thoughts in the notes app but due to popular demand (one person asked for it) i'm posting my liveblogging DO NOT SAY/TAG/COMMENT SPOILERS PLEASE i read tags
warning im a yapper, im 10 hours in and theres a lot already (separated into sessions):
SESSION 1
whos this clown i thought i would be playing as revan
ive been too spoiled by dragon age origins this character creator sucks ass
only human???? ): fr?? ill just imagine her different in my brain or some shit
my life is being mansplained to me. is this bad writing or do i have amnesiacs
hes meta now??? hes talking abt the screen controls?????
omg a jedi and an evil jediii
omg their asses suckedddd they both died immediately
i <3 bringing a sword to a gun fight
WHY R THERE SO MANY SITH WHERE IS TJE RULE OF TWO
i clicked a workbench and it said lightsaber so either i get a lightsaber or i get a jedi friend whose lightsaber i can steal if im careful
I assume u play as revan in kotor2 so im gonna buy that now so i can play it when im done playing w this clown
i got light side points im getting a good grade in game morality which is something both normal to want and possible to achieve
everyone keeps saying revan is dead but thats my friend revan from tumblr hes clearly alive. or they???
my characters ass is distractingly present onscreen
huge fan of the way everyone collapsed drunk what the FUCK was in that wine
ok these sith ppl might be the bad guys but their armour is DRIPPY AS FUCK
ideologically i dont agree w the sith but they kinda went off w the fits
googling how to become a sith without being evil cause they have Drip
SESSION 2
i paid £1.19 to see revan he better show up in this game at some point
all these sith n i still cant find one revan….. stop faking ur death rn come out n talk to me babygirl this isnt like u….
why can i be light/dark side if im not a jedi. give me a laser sword
maybe this jedi gyal will know where revan is faking his death. or give me a fuckin lightsaber PLEASEEE
was just thinking 'does this game have romance' and then carth called me beautiful. i dont think im gonna romance anyone until i get this amnesia sorted
why is carth questioning me so much abt the crash im pretty sure i have amnesia
why tf did the jedi lady have me transferred to this ship are we in lesbians with each other???
carth's not wrong it is suspicious but i lowkey have amnesia so i coulda done that i coulda not
a lot of clone wars voice actors in this. was lucasfilm so broke in the 2000s that they could only afford the same 3 VAs for every project
mission is 14??????? we need to get my girl back in school
SESH 3
tale as old as time i fucking suck at racing games
ok i didnt realise you had to mash click i won
REVAN!!! REVAN!!!!!!!!!
why am i dreaming abt revan tho. real as hell but ?????
lmao cringe revan getting blown up. i thought the jedi beat rev-meister in a fight but no. accident
"such visions are often a sign of force sensitivity" COOL YAY GIVE ME A LIGHTSABER
BASTILLE LOST HER FUCKING LIGHTSABER??
CARTH IS RIGHT THATS LIKE DAY ONE JEDI SHIT. ok i still love her even tho shes a bit of a bitch and also doesnt have a saber
if we find a lightsaber im taking it first tho
whys carth getting weird abt me being weird that he doesnt trust me. i just wanna be friends mate
SESH IV: A NEW HOPE
'i mean no disrespect, but perhaps one of the male slaves could serve you better' i went in here to start a slave revolution and instead got called a lesbo
LMAO THERES A SPICE LAB???? WALTER WHITE WHERE ARE YOU
thats insaneee they blew up BILLIONS of people to get to one jedi?????? these sith arent fucking around theyre scary
UM THIS IS CRAZY GRAPHICS THE LIGHTING IS CLEARER/DARKER WHEN I COVER THE SUN W THE SHIP EDGE?? 2003 IS THE YEAR OF THE FUTURE
someone just called me padawan i kinda assumed i was in my late 20s do i just have baby vibes
all the jedi in the movies are so chill but every kotor jedi i've met so far has been a bit of a bitch
YO THEY HAVE A YODA!!! its not THE yoda but
cool so these guys are just the regional managers at best. your asses are not the council
why can everyone smell my force juju so strong
THATS STRAIGHT UP YODA'S CLONE WARS VA
why does fake yoda not blink both eyes at the same time. im calling him master tortimer he reminds me of the animal crossing mayor
bastila there was no need for such a fancy bow
malak is like evil aang
revan is so much shorter than malak omg
are me and bastila sharing dreams. are we both obsessed w revan
poor mission ):
WHAT WAS MASTER TORTIMER ABT TO SAY????????? EVER SINCE WHEN??? DID WE KNOW EACH OTHER BEFORE MY AMNESIACS????? DID BASTILA TELL U SMTHN MORE WHEN I WASNT IN THE ROOM???
im intrigued i like this whole hidden jedi shtick its very compelling. so is whatever theyre hiding from me
kinda surprising no jedi found me before tho given my force juju is so strong
IM A LEGIT JEDI NOW??? SICK!!!
does revan rlly not have pronouns i thought that was a tumblr thing but they straight up are a nonbinary icon ive never heard a single pronoun used. revan's pronouns are revan/revan's
damn revan seems so cool in these stories (charismatic war hero that convinced their troops to join them as conqueror?? julius caesar) and yet all we've seen them do onscreen is get blown up and die by accident
A YEAR AGO? the way they were talking i assumed revan died like. a week before the game started
master uh i forgot his name he has martin scorcese vibes said revan was a paragon of the jedi so what im getting is that all jedi gifted kids turn evil
even if i didnt know revan as a tumblr darling id KNOW revan has to be alive somewhere they way everyone talks abt them is too cool for a character who exploded and died. i think. i hope. I PAID £1.19 TO MEET REVAN
'only you and bastila can stop malak' seriously????? just us two?? ive been a jedi for like, 6 minutes and you guys keep calling bastila young???? do you guys not wanna help??
omg im getting carth to traumadump! <3
HE WAS ON REVAN'S ARMY>??
i totally knew the jedi code and did not have to google it whatsoever
they rlly said fuck going to illum heres a crystal from the bin
he told me id be a great sentinel and i was like i know but i want blue cause i dont wanna be matchies with bastila
OGH!!! I HAVE A LIGHTSABER!!!! THIS IS GAME OF THE YEAR!!!!
omg i made my lightsaber perfectlyyy which is rare <3 getting a good grade in jedi
maybe i was a travelling lightsaber salesman before my amnesia
seriously though WHO was i everyone's kinda stopped acting like i have amnesia since the first mission BUT IVE PLAYED DRAGON AGE THAT GIVES YOU OPPORTUNITIES TO RP UR PAST. THIS DOESNT. EITHER THIS GAME IS BAD (but i love it so its not) OR I HAVE RETROGRADE AMNESIA
also everyone keeps being like "Oh ur force juju is so strong" AND NOBODY FOUND ME TIL NOW??? suspicious. did getting a really bad concussion activate the force in me
im too confused and amnesiac'd to think abt anything except the fact i have a glowing stick now
FSESH FIVE:
big fan of using aliens to avoid having to get VAs to read every line
oh so carth's boyfriend saul betrayed him and became leader of the sith fleet so he has trust issues
well he needs to calm down. i can't betray him cause i dont know what the fuck is happening
yooo i love the design differences on the mandalorians
oh my god this lady wanted to fuck her droid cause it was her husband's. and then it killed itself. wtf. game of the year tho
wtf they jebaited this juhani person into going dark side but then i talked her out of it. that seems a bit mean of them
i hope she can join my party she looks too unique to be a random npc
ive been thinking and I might be going crazy but there was a loading screen tip ages ago that said jedis could wipe ppl's mind and all i thought at the time was 'fuck the shitshow acolyte didnt make that up'. but what if one of them wiped MY memory and i used to be a jedi or smthn ????????
cause they keep being like ur weirdly good at this??? did bastila steal my memories??????????
I KNOW I HAVE AMNESIA!! EVEN IF EVERYONE DOESN'T BRING IT UP BC THEYRE PROBABLY TRYING TO SAVE MY FEELINGS
if i dont have amnesia and im just deeping the fact the opening had my life being mansplained then im gonna look real stupid
anyway time 2 go to the fuckshit ruins cave where r-dog and malak went to
"it must be referring to revan. the dark lord and malak--" revan's pronouns are revan/thedarklord
bastila said theres no mention of the Builders in the archives. does she just know every text off by heart
THIS DROID IS 20K YEARS OLD ???
omg i can equip 2 lightsabers at once. game of the year
OK I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT THE AMNESIA BASTILA IS ASKING ME QUESTIONS ABOUT MY BACKGROUND THAT I CAN ANSWER. I REPEAT I DO NOT HAVE AMNESIA
ok i didnt get choices and i didnt really uh… say anything that i didnt already get told im still not ruling out amnesia
also booo i didnt get to find out how old i was
master tortimer rlly looks like the ultimate ketamine yoda
LMAO THERE WAS A DIALOGUE OPTION 2 CALL JUHANI A CATGIRL
omg kashyyk from jedi fallen order!!!
I CAN UPGRADE MY LIGHTSABER THIS IS JUST LIKE JFO
omg this ship is fun i wish everyone had personalised bunk spaces like hfw… a game which came out 19 years after this i should probably just take what we have
im gonna start w manaan cause im p sure thats what B-dog said n its the same language the droid was speakin
omg hyperspace from star wars
THE GUY THE BUILDING FELL ON???
am i having dreams abt revan bc bastila killed revan and im connected to her this is so roundabout
maybe i'd sleep better if my ponytail wasnt clipping into the pillow
[kiwi accent] six
carth needs a xanax every time i think we're friends he stops trusting me
also lmao he actually pointed out how wild it was that a day one padawan is being sent on this uber important mission and HES RIGHT IT IS WEIRD!! i thought it was main character logic but he's calling it out
i really really like the sense of unease that's setting in like at first i thought it was just cause im not used to 2003 games but no this is on purpose bc carth my friend carth keeps calling it out
THERE IS A CHILD ON MY SHIP ??????????????????
lmao the representative for menaan is roland wann. its like poetry it rhymes
there are no cameras in the sith hangar <3 rookie error i can commit crimes now
bastila's favourite hobby is getting shot and walking into my grenades
this isnt a combat system this is a missing system
I GOT ARRESTED???? IM JUST A GIRL
nvm i had a datapad that said the sith were evil so theyve let me go free and we're besties
why do i feel like ive just walked into an underwater horror mission
this suit waddles at the speed of a penguin on fentanyl
i tamed the beastie this is like how to train your dragon
MALAK FIRED ON REVAN?????? WERENT THEY BEST FRIENDS???????
but maybe revan escaped when bastila wasnt looking THEYRE FINE THEYRE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE. I BELIEVE
so hopefully when we run into revan they'll be like agh i changed my ways cause of the being shot thing and they'll be my bestie
great news i successfully communicated w the ship child and gave her back to dantooine. my girl has shockingly good linguisitics skills
bastila is so dour "oh watch out for the dark side" GIRL I AM. I NEED TO GET THE BEST GRADE IN GAME MORALITY
ok OFF TO KASHYYK i hope cal kestis is there… thru the force i guess… bc he wont be born for another 4000 years but its whatever
omg you'll never guess what. another vision. wow its one of the thangs. cool this is a tomorrow me problem
#how long to beat says it's abt 29 hours so this is roughly a third (??) of the game???#talk is cheap#kotor#swkotor#knights of the old republic
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Svt with a high maintenance girlfriend, thank you <3
Ot13 seventeen : high maintenance girlfriend
Ceecee note - I literally don't know a lot about high maintenance girlies because I literally am too lazy to get stuff done even though I love doing it all and being a girlie lol so forgive me.
seungcheol : literally doesn't expect you to be any other way. if you weren't high maintenance before, he'll spoil you enough to be so eventually we all know it
jeonghan : he's equally high maintenance so the both of you better be rich or he be stealing cheol's money for you both
joshua : he is a man from LA with a J name I think he can really afford a high maintenance girlfriend. Secretly actually prefers that. Just because mindful that he's still The Bitch in the relationship you cannot take his spot.
Junhui : lowkey finds you tiring but simultaneously loves spoiling you. "Oh you want to get your nails done? AGAIN?? you just got them done! No problem tho I wired you $300 enjoy babe 😘😘"
Soonyoung : loves spoiling you in a way where he comes to all of your expensive appointments and shopping and likes yo personally pick your nail and hair and dresses
Wonwoo : I think he doesn't even notice you are high maintenance until his friends point that out. He's like "oh don't all girls like to get their things done like that?"
Woozi : on the outside he shows that he doesnt care as much about spending money on your maintenance but it secretly turns him on. To flex his money on your beauty. His black card has its first home in your wallet not his.
Minghao : this man is dressed up in Gucci and Versace all day long so I think he'd be really proud of a girlfriend who's the same. An equally high maintained couple going to get their nails and hair done together all the time that's you.
Mingyu : highkey intrigued by everything you do. He's that typa man. Would randomly show up at your saloon one day just to see how you get your manicures and pedicure and body spas done. Loves how you always get so happy after you've got it all done.
Seokmin : what's the use of him earning as much as he does if he can't spend it on you? Feels so entitled when you are by his side because of how strong your aura is with your luxurious looks.
Seungkwan : complains and pouts about you spending more time in the saloon than you do in his arms. Starts insisting you book home appointments just so he could cuddle by your side as you get all of your shit done and successfully make the aesthetician uncomfortable with the strong couple energy.
Vernon : I think he secretly knows a lot about manicures and pedicures and nails and hair and spas because of how close he seems with his sister so he just loves spoiling you like that and see you be all fresh and happy afterwards.
Dino : I feel you're gonna have to explain him why you need to get so many things done and why you gotta buy so many skincare and then he has that invisible question mark on his head everytime you go on and on talking about why you need it and all the other beauty details and why you love it ykwim
#svt#seventeen#ceecee sees#svt x reader#scoups x reader#jeonghan x reader#joshua x reader#jun x reader#hoshi x reader#wonwoo x reader#woozi x reader#mingyu x reader#the8 x reader#dk x reader#seungkwan x reader#vernon x reader#dino x reader#seventeen x reader
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𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀-𝗷𝗮𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗻⋆୨୧˚
𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁- 1.2k ♡
𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁-bf jaemin! x reader! ♡
𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: fluff (a bit suggestive tho)♡
𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀-suggestive(kinda?)/kissing/everything is in lowercase on purpose♡
୨୧˚𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 -thank you for so much support on my mark fic!! so I really hope you guys like this one!(feedback/likes/reblogs and requests really helps!)
you woke up to the soft glow of the early morning sun peeking through the curtains, casting gentle streaks of light across the bed. you stretched under the covers, a contented sigh escaping your lips. just as you were about to turn over, you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around your waist, pulling you close. you didn’t even have to look to know it was jaemin, your boyfriend, who had been quietly watching you as you slept.
“good morning, beautiful,” jaemin whispered, his voice low and warm with that huskiness that only came from early mornings.
you smiled, still half-asleep. “morning…” you murmured, letting yourself relax against his chest, enjoying the comfort of his embrace. you could feel his heartbeat, steady and reassuring, a rhythm you found yourself syncing with.
“you know baby..,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, “i don’t think you should get out of bed today.”
you chuckled, nuzzling into his shoulder. “is that so? and why not?” you teased, looking up at him with a sleepy grin.
jaemin smirked, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. “because i have plans for you, sweetheart. let me show you why you should stay in bed.” his eyes sparkled mischievously, and his fingers traced small, lazy circles along your back.
you laughed, the sound filling the quiet room. “oh? and what plans might those be?” you asked, arching an eyebrow, trying to match his playful tone. But you knew that look in his eyes. he was definitely up to something.
he leaned in, his lips hovering just a breath away from yours. “well,” he murmured, “first, i was thinking i’d keep you here with me for a while longer. we never get enough mornings like this.”
“jaemin, we’ve got a million things to do today,” you replied, but the conviction in your voice was weak. you were already melting, especially as he nuzzled his face into your neck, his stubble tickling your skin in a way that made you giggle.
“we do,” he admitted, not sounding the least bit concerned about it. “but i’d rather spend my morning with you right here. and I think you might just enjoy it.” he pulled back to look at you, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. his eyes held a certain challenge, one you just couldn’t ignore.
you rolled your eyes, a smile breaking through. “you’re impossible, you know that?”
“impossible to resist,” he countered, pressing a kiss to your cheek, then your forehead, then your nose. he was slow, deliberate, savoring every moment.
you tried to keep a straight face, but his affection was breaking through your resolve. “you’re really gonna beg for it, love?” you asked, half-joking, half-teasing, as you looked up at him.
he raised an eyebrow, clearly amused by your choice of words. “i could… if you wanted me to,” he replied, his voice dropping to a low whisper. “but, sweetheart, i think I’d rather spoil you this morning.”
you felt a warmth spread across your cheeks, your heart fluttering at his words. jaemin always had a way of making youfeel like the only person in the world. you could see in his eyes that he meant every word. “spoil me, huh? and how do you plan to do that?”
“oh, i’ve got ideas,” he said, his hand finding yours, his fingers lacing through yours. he brought your hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles. “first, I’ll make sure you’re comfortable. and then,” he leaned closer, his breath warm against your ear, “i’ii remind you why staying in bed with me is always a good idea.”
your breath hitched at his words. he wasn’t usually this bold, but you couldn’t deny how much you loved this side of him. “well,” you murmured, your voice soft, “maybe we could stay here… just a little longer.”
“that’s my girl,” he replied, his tone triumphant yet tender. he wrapped his arms around yours, pulling you close as he rested his chin atop of head. you both lay there in comfortable silence for a moment, simply enjoying each other’s presence, the quiet of the morning wrapping around the both of you like a warm blanket.
after a while, jaemin spoke again, his voice gentle. “do you remember the first time you stayed over?” he asked, a soft smile playing on his lips as he looked down at you.
you laughed, the memory coming back vividly. “how could i forget? you were so nervous. you didn’t even know where to put your hands when we watched that movie on your couch.”
he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. “well, excuse me for wanting to be a gentleman. you made me nervous, baby.. still do, sometimes.”
your heart swelled at his words, and you placed a hand on his cheek, looking into his eyes. “you don’t need to be nervous around me, jaem... you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
he looked genuinely touched, his gaze softening as he held your hand to his face. “you’re the best thing that ever happened to me too, sweetheart. i don’t say it enough, but… i’m so lucky to have you.”
they shared a lingering look, the kind that held a thousand unspoken promises. jaemin pulled you closer, brushing his lips against yours in a gentle, heartfelt kiss. it was the kind of kiss that spoke of comfort, of home, of a love that was both deep and true.
when the two of you finally broke apart, jaemin rested his forehead against yours. “you know,” he murmured, “if we keep this up, we really won’t get anything done today.”
“good..,” you whispered, your fingers tracing along his jawline. “i don’t mind if it means i get to spend more time like this with you.”
you chuckled softly, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into a warm, snug embrace. “alright then, beautiful. let’s stay here a little longer. just you and me.”
you two spent the next hour wrapped up in each other, sharing quiet laughs, soft kisses, and whispered secrets. eventually, the sound of your stomach rumbling made you two both laugh, breaking the peaceful silence.
jaemin sat up, stretching. “alright, breakfast it is. what are you in the mood for, pretty girl?”
you looked up at him with a smile. “pancakes please. with extra syrup.”
he grinned, hopping out of bed. “pancakes with extra syrup, coming right up.” he held out his hand to you, helping you out of bed. “but you’re gonna have to help me in the kitchen.”
“oh, so i have to work for it, huh?” you teased, wrapping your arms around his waist as the both of you made their way to the kitchen.
“of course,” he replied, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “nothing worth having comes easy, remember?”
you both spent the morning together in the kitchen, flipping pancakes, playfully bumping hips, and stealing kisses between batches. when you two finally sat down to eat, jaemin reached across the table, taking your hand in his.
“thank you for staying in bed with me a little longer,” he said, his voice sincere.
you squeezed his hand, your heart full. “anytime, jaem. anytime.”
you both shared a smile, knowing that you both would always cherish these quiet, stolen moments together.
#⋆୨୧˚dollyhyuckiiposted#⋆୨୧˚dollyhyuckii#nct dream fic#jaemin x reader#jaemin nct#nct jaemin#jaemin imagines#na jaemin x reader#na jaemin#jaemin oneshot#jaemin fluff#jaemin soft hours#jaemin#nct dream jaemin#jaemin fanfic#nct dream imagines#nct dream fanfic#nct dream fluff#nct dream oneshot#jaemin x you#jaemin x y/n#nct dream x reader#kpop#fluff#nct dream#kpop nct#nct fluff#nct fanfic#nct oneshot#nct drabbles
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JJK men parenting their kid
Summary: The kids are at 5-8 ages.
A/N: Thank you so much for love and support and hope you enjoy this! <33
Time taken to write- 2hr 20 min
Gojo Satoru
(Only 1 son)
-His son is the splitting image of him in mini size. U are only blessed with one child cuz of how difficult it is to convince such powerful heir and how u nearly lost your life during laboring. So, both you and Gojo loves your son so much and spoiled a lot, especially Gojo. U are stricter than him and always had to scold him not to spoil him too much, worrying he would come spoiled brat. “Satoru! I told you he’s too young to have a Ps5!” You said angrily. He chuckled as he kissed your forehead. “Stop scolding me love. This isn’t just ordinary purchase. It’s his gift for being able to learn first step of his technique at this age. Our son is really incredible right?” He said proudly. “Ur gonna destroy his ethic for money, Satoru” you said, giving him up.
Toji Zen’in
(1 son, 1 daughter)
-He is relived that both his kids are born with cursed techniques, even considered really powerful ones in Zen’in clan cuz he doesn’t want them to go through how he had been treated. He would train them personally and protect them at all cost from toxic environment and you would do your best to educate them in manners and give them warm affections where Toji would be intimating but cool dad. His bad habit is that he would flirt with you in front of the children and you got so embarrassed and have to shut him up. He got really good relationship with the kids and always spend his free time tgt with them, doing casual activities. Plus, he is super protective of his daughter and would frighten any boys who would get close to her.
Nanami Kento
(2 sons, 1 daughter)
-He is a strict dad and even tho he spoils them, he is very careful on that. He is very nurturing and very close to them. He would put them into sleep by reading them storybooks and also play with children toys with them sometimes. He would train the kids to be responsible since young and he does all the work of disciplinary mostly and you only have to give them unconditional love and manage their eduction and activities. Your kids have to live with you mostly when he went to work but when he’s free, he would give all his time to family and since you both love traveling, he would plan for trips in holidays, especially ocean. The kids are very well-mannered just like their dad. Even your eldest son behaves like him already.
Sukuna Ryomen
(2 daughters)
-Sukuna wanted sons but he doesn’t mind anyway and he even became softer for his girls. He wouls call them his little princesses and would spoil them a lot. He would hire a lot of nannies and maids to give them extra care and could spend alone time with you. He would threaten the maids if they upset the kids. You like spending time with your girls, little dressing up games, mini kitchens and Sukuna would even be forced to do role-plays. He would tease the kids a lot too and accidentally made them cry. He def doesn’t know what to do after that so you always have to come to rescue. He isn’t good at teaching manners and stuffs so that’s your work.
Geto Suguru
(2 daughters)
-Just like Sukuna but totally different parenting. He has always wanted daughters and is a very calm dad and has a lot of patience with the kids. He would get up and make them snacks if they are hungry midnight and ur so sleepy to do it. He would put them on his shoulder while walking in the park. He spoils the kids so much like spending big bucks on fancy dresses and even if you told him that will make the kids lose value of money, he still goes behind your back. He often educates them to be high standards on boys and who they associate with. That is why sometimes your girls dont get along with some ppl at sch and you have to re-educate them on that. You like talking deep girly stuffs with your kids and your like their bestfris and mother as you know how it is impotant for girls to communicate freely. Sometimes you have to hide some stuffs from him about your girls cuz of his overprotection. Geto would always set standard for the girls as he openly shows them how he treats you, showering you with compliments and gifts.
——
#jjk headcanons#jjk imagines#jjk x y/n#jjk fanfic#jjk fluff#gojo x reader#gojo headcanons#gojo fluff#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x y/n#toji fluff#toji fushiguro x reader#toji headcanons#toji x you#toji x y/n#toji x reader#sukuna x y/n#sukuna x you#sukuna headcanons#sukuna x reader#geto suguru x reader#geto x you#geto x y/n#geto x reader#jjk x you#nanami kento x reader#nanami headcanons#nanami x y/n#nanami x you#nanami fluff
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how do i stop feeling like i'm in trouble all the time fr. sitting here on my lunch break like everyone's gonna be soooo mad when u get back...from lunch...which you are allowed to have.....(?)
#social anxiety kicking my ass so bad every day#unless my supervisor actually says hello you are doing an amazing job today and i dont hate you im like omg she hates me bc i suck......#miscounted the kids yesterday and left one on the playground for like two minutes and im still traumatized#she wasnt alone or anything there was another class w teachers but 😬🔫#killing myself killing myself killing myself#i counted them five times today tho#and the playground was empty which made it easier but ugh#infinitely better than my last job and im actually good at this but i still feel like my supervisor doesn't like me#even tho i think she's just a bit awk and has anxiety also lol#she was reading a book abt coping with anxiety the other day lol#also my other coworker w the drama likes me but the drama is always threatening to happennagain bc she doesnt like our supervisor#anyway#my mentor just got here before lunch for her half day shift so i feel better but aaaaa#way less stressful than my last job tho and im grateful but very stressed lately#also the owner of the school was in the room im taking lunch for a while and im like omg she's gonna be annoyed that im here#she's gonna judge me for having a chocolate bar like a shitty spoiled young person or whatever and listening to music bc im rude#i need to calm down fr#she complained abt lazy inconsiderate young people at my job interview so now im paranoid abt every interaction w her lmao#bc i am a lazy oblivious young person and also i took a sick day my first week which is what she was complaining abt said young people doing#but i legitimately was throwing up i Had to call out#that's life in child care#but ughhhh#i was determined not to bc this is a job where they expect you to come in even if ur sick#but puking is my limit i genuinely couldn't do it#anyway.#normal adult experience#doctor who told my mom i was high functioning i want our money back
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🇸 🇵 🇦 🇳 🇰 !
BSD MEN REACTING TO YOU SPANKING THEM.
↷ A/N ─ as usual please leave likes and reblogs to show support :D i love spoiling you guys !! now please tell me to go study i need some motivation :(
★ FT. ─ dazai , chuuya , ranpo , akutagawa , fyodor
!! TAGS ─ spanking, mentions of smut
MATURE THEMES, 16+, MENTIONS OF AND IMPLIED SMUT
*spanks*
ᴅᴀᴢᴀɪ.
momentarily surprised but quickly recovers
smiles and turns to you
it's like you just gave him a treat :D you can almost see his tail wagging as if he's a dog (he hates dogs btw grrr)
he believes that you spanking his ass gives HIM permission to do the same to YOU :( how mean of him
so he catches you off guard by spanking your ass
and you two end up chasing each other down to take turns spanking each other. whoever loses does the dishes tonight
"You've been very good today; you even completed your punishment for provoking me," he says, engulfing you in a cuddle after you returned from doing the dishes.
ᴄʜᴜᴜʏᴀ.
chokes on air this time (yes chuuya chokes in every single scenario of mine but he's the one choking you at night so its ok !! :D)
he's surprised because wtf?? he's the one supposed to be doing that conventionally????
defo spanks you back but tries to be as soft as possible because he's a gentleman
i think this is already an hc but he's an ass guy so once you've spanked him don't think he's gonna leave u at all
i did say his spanks are gonna be as soft as he can make them be but i never said how many 🤪😇
"Count," he hisses. It's midnight, and you're at his mercy. After his long and hard day at work, he needs something to relieve his stress.
ʀᴀɴᴘᴏ.
stops your hand mid-air because duh he already knew about what you were gonna do
twists and turns and ends up holding your ass and squeezing it
all the while you're like wtf is wrong with you
his eyes make it look like he's enjoying it sm :( such a kitty cat
im still mad they didn't give us a whole separate scene for his ass :< anyone who's read the manga, any pics you wanna share? 👁
"You need to buy me extra candy for putting up with your stupidity," he rolls his eyes, pinching your cheek.
ᴀᴋᴜᴛᴀɢᴀᴡᴀ.
his reflexes immediately act and you see rashomon from the back of his coat
but then he realizes its you...
and he FLUSHES. YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THIS MAN BLUSH
well now you have :D his poor virgin ass
not a virgin anymore once he started dating you u horny ass mf /lh
he has literally no idea how to reply to that
he just shrugs cluelessly
"I guess I should return the favour?" he tries to sound confident but ends up delivering the lightest, most gentle spank. He doesn't want to hurt you. He loves you.
ꜰʏᴏᴅᴏʀ.
DISGUSTED™
one, because he's another virgin (virgin slander less gaurr 💪🏻 even tho im one myself; its the self burn guys !!)
and two, for the last time STOP. MESSING. WITH. HIS. RELIGIOUS. SELF.
you're SATAN in his eyes, trying to distract him and make him sin (as if he isn't a murderer and a terrorist cough cough)
if we're being delusional enough he'll leave the room with a faint pink on his cheeks 🤡
definitely returns the favour at night 🤭🤭 (only if you're married tho!!)
"My sole undivided attention is all yours now," he hits your ass again. "Anything to say? Hm? Why not? You were all for giggling at my face today. What's wrong now?"
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© chuulyssa 2024 - do not copy, plagiarize or repost my works on any platforms. do not translate.
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#bsd x reader#bsd x y/n#bsd x you#bsd scenarios#bsd hcs#bsd headcanons#dazai hcs#dazai x y/n#dazai x reader#chuuya imagines#chuuya x reader#fyodor hcs#fyodor x you#fyodor x reader#akutagawa hcs#akutagawa x reader#chuuya headcanons#dazai headcanons#dazai x you#fyodor imagines#dazai bsd#bsd smut#dazai smut#fyodor smut#chuuya smut#chuuya x you
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Can be read as a continuation of this
.・゜-: ✧ :
Standing by Batman's side, Billy and Danny were very much standing out, ignoring that they're kids and in street clothes.
There was a curse, and the cave was flooded with various people, both recognised as Bruce's legal and otherwise wards.
Danny knows that blue bird symbol even if the vigilante was over 500 meters away.
"Nightiwing!" He cheers, nudging Billy who was still pouting.
The man in question seemed so confused.
A rough "behave" from batman, and they were both grumbling, Billy adamant that he didn't even do anything.
"Uh– B? Why are there two black haired, blue-eyed children behind you?" Nightwing approaches cautious, attention to the two now.
"You two orphans?'
"Yep!" "Yeah."
"...tragic backstory?"
A shrug and a 'so-so' gesture.
"Shit, welcome to the family then."
The words make Billy grin. "Nah, we're not adopted, as much as the big probably want to." He adds as afterthought. "It's just our week with the big bat!"
Spoiler, giddy, approaches as well. "Damn bigbat! Felt broody again?"
Danny laughs at the question, the man only grumbling.
"So, who are you two? I personally don't believe Batman would bring in two random orphans to the Batcave."
Their attention is now on Red Robin, who's idly playing with his staff.
"Well, I'm Danny! Danny Fenton."
Matching his mischievous grin, Billy gestures to himself. "Billy, Billy Batson."
"Stop being menaces and go on." Batman nudges the two, cowl resting somewhere and his brow is raised.
"You hurt us, Bruce!" Billy shakes his head. "And here I thought you of all people would take these secret identities serious!"
Somewhere someone mutters a 'of course they're vigilantes' and it has them grinning even bigger.
"Alright, we will tell you! Since we got busted not long ago anyway."
Two white rings split across his abdomen and reveal Phantom. Justice League member Phantom.
"I'm also known as Phantom!" Danny– Phantom!?— re-introduces, then gestures to Billy.
Getting into position, the teen with a feral glint in his eyes shouted. "Shazam!"
A bolt of lighting hits the cave– now wasn't that a freaky thing?— and Captain Marvel stands where Billy was.
"Captain Marvel, to your assistance."
Oh my god they are child heroes.
"We managed to trick the Justice League only for so long, unfortunately."
"Was amazing tho!"
"Definitely."
Oh my god, they were child heroes that managed to trick the big three.
(Silently, dick bemoans that they're gonna fit right in in their chaos, but now he got more brothers to spoil so yay?)
#dcxdp#dpxdc#dp x dc crossover#fic prompt#writing prompt#dc x dp prompt#billy and danny are brothers in crime and losers in costumes#billy batson & danny fenton#Billy “im invincible” batson and Danny “dead and vibing” fenton being literal godlings#Diana called dips when she noticed they were baby gods#theyre team rocket woth tawky tawny being meowth
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Personal vent and ugly mental illness symptom talk
So, I should unpack this with my therapist, but shit's embarrassing, so I'm just gonna vent it out on the public internet lmao.
I was typing out a whole thing about how I KNOW I'm aromantic, and despite that, still have moments where my brain gaslights me into believing I'm in fairytale love.
I should preface by saying I have not officially been diagnosed with either additional mental illnesses I believe that I have (B.P//D and AD//HD [which lol being on AD//HD meds since antidepressants didn't do anything has given me some notable improvement, but I'm still without a diagnosis], nor Au//tism) DESPITE repeatedly asking multiple therapists multiple times and a psych like 100 times to give me a definitive yes or a no.
But holy shit. So I'm typing about how I've 'Favourite Person'-ed multiple people at multiple points in my life across all ages, and I'm like, okay, it's been a hot minute since I refreshed my definition of that, I should make sure that's still a thing and not something I just made up or has been dropped from the symptoms or whatever the case. I wanna make sure I'm using it right in this rant about how falling into Favourite Personing people in the past has made me believe 'wait, maybe I'm not aro, this HAS to be like the deepest truest love in existence, despite my years of knowing I'm aro.' Like, I'm so aro I once calculated out the date, months in advance, I was gonna tell someone I was dating that I loved them, only because it seemed like a socially acceptable amount of time to say it. I wasn't thinking about what I actually felt lmao. (And that was probably not a FP relationship, too, so I know that was absolutely an aro incident.)
Anyways, so I'm reading a couple articles to make sure I articulate my points about how it's conflicted with being aro, and I read about how people falling into having a FP will even hate that person for the slightest perceived wrongs. (I knew this, I just was thinking about the love incidents since that's what was related to my point about being aro.)
And holy shit. That just. Unlocked a memory I have about when I was an older kid, like probably 9ish (and older), I HATED my best friend of many years and who would continue being my bff for more years. Who was my everything. I couldn't stop thinking about how much I hated them. I would lie awake at night (insomnia too tho) thinking about how much I hated them and I couldn't understand why I didn't just stop being their friend and start hanging out with old friends more instead. I just couldn't do it, I wanted to hang out with THEM. I was so sick and feeling jealous of them whenever I found out they'd been hanging out with someone else one-on-one and I wasn't invited. Even when it was their own family. One time they brought me a plate of cookies by surprise for (before) a holiday that they'd just made with their cousin or something. And I felt so sick about how I wasn't there for that, it felt like an insult. I couldn't have put this into words, unless I just now read that point in an article and made a connection. It was so confusing, because usually the people who hated their 'best friend' was like, the mean girl kinda character who intentionally does it to hurt the innocent main character or something, but I was the one who felt wronged every time those feelings would come up. And this wasn't just a 'man it's so annoying when they do this specific thing.' This was active stewing, in a slow cooker, all day and all night kinda thing.
I was never romantically or sexually attracted to that person, but I probably wrote all this off as either unrelated sexuality or gender bullshit when I figured that out later. But knowing now that there was definitely someone (actually, I'm thinking of WAY more people as I'm typing this, and just realized why I stopped loving a band and started hating them 'for no reason' wow lmao) that I FP'ed who I definitely WASN'T attracted to, suddenly convinces me that I was probably right in suspecting B.P//D. (Or, y'know, maybe I don't have that specifically, and it's the symptom from a different facet of mental illness or whatever.) I've been so hung up over how I'm aro, sometimes ace, and then this 'only' happens towards people I am attracted to. Like, 'maybe it was love and I'm just terrible at it.' (No! It's not! Aro is correct! That's just the brain manipulating me to get another hit of dopamine off a FP! It's just easier to happen to someone I'm attracted to!)
It's no fucking wonder why I always worried about people hating me in secret, and it's because I was absolutely making myself insufferable because of that worry. I know for a fact that some people definitely did hate (or. Lmao. Shut up. Like, 'resented' maybe fits better) me for demanding constant attention that was never reciprocated by anyone I've ever met in my entire life.
I probably wrote-off so many symptoms as 'I was a moody teen and kind of an asshole.' Except it happened before and after I was a teen, too. I would have excused everything that happened during and before high school, when I should have been looking for these patterns I kept following for years after. It doesn't help that my first relationship was wildly toxic (mostly against me in this one case), and while I didn't feel particularly bothered by it after I got over the nightmare breakup, I just kept going 'What if it was the sole cause of all of this and I'm just repressing that?' Well, phew! No, it's not, that was thankfully just a toxic embarrassment, and not the source of all my problems. I was already on the shitstorm trajectory. That's a major relief. If you can call it that. I really don't like discussing that one, but not in a trauma way, more like a, you don't really wanna discuss pissing your pants on accident kinda way. Unpleasant to remember, wildly embarrassing to talk about, but ultimately not a life-altering event.
Ughhhhh. Maybe I should bring this (the mental illness not the relationship) up to the therapist. But like, I haven't been close friends with anyone in like 6 years or so, so I don't have any current or even recent examples about how being in friendships has always turned out Russian Roulette for me. My therapist doesn't seem to believe how bad it was for me to be in friendships where I was unintentionally FP'ing someone. Because besides the depression and anxiety (and mild OCD), I'm a totally normal person to her who's just dealing with shit health problems and grief (and frustration from being trans and not in a safe place to transition). Y'know, normal life problems most people will feel at some point, just chronic in my case. I may be weird, but I'm obviously far from the worst she's seen. I'm not uniquely mentally ill.
((Except the whole 'treatment resistant depression' diagnosis bullshit from the psych, but I'm learning it's not just mental issues I have that are treatment resistant lol.))
I tried talking to her about a small part of all this before, but IDK what I did wrong, she took it 100% as me being the one unintentionally wronged and not setting MY own boundaries (lmao), so like I don't know how to word this in a way she'd understand that most of my problems in this area were my own fault. (I mean that both negatively and neutrally, because it's an ugly side of mental illness, but not one I chose or know how to help.)
Not being in close friendships with anyone has had an understandably sane-ifying effect on me (barring the, y'know, depression/anxiety/OCD and baseline weirdness), which has gotten me trapped for the 5th time in 6 years of making my therapists believe I'm better off than I actually am. (I've done this to every therapist I've ever had before that, too.) But like, again, at least for the past 3 therapists and the latest psych, I AM actually better for not having close friends lmao. Only one therapist ever had one visit of me wanting to address these concerns specifically while they were currently active, and by the next visit, we had to shift exclusively to sudden new grief lol. (What a shitshow. It somehow always ends up that whenever I wanna treat an illness, it's like opening a can of worms, except the worms are firecrackers and I didn't set the can down and step back a few feet.)
Like, it obviously feels safer to not have close friends at all because there's no fear of abandonment if I have no one to begin with. And, genuinely, I operate better when I'm alone. But now that I've known safety, it's hard to imagine throwing myself back into the roulette wheel, hoping I don't land on red OR black. But fuck, man. It is lonely.
And being aro? It's freeing, and validating too, to have a word for it, but I'm not gonna mince words here, I hate it. I wish I could feel romantic love. Like normal, not mentally ill ""love."" I feel platonic love all the time, like for friends (not FP) always. I love saying 'I love you' to friends and meaning it. But I want to feel romantic love. I just don't. I just feel friendship, Favoriting, and/or sexual attraction sometimes. Probably why I'm so into shipping and fanfics. I got a lot more "probably why's" but I don't wanna go down that in this already vulnerable post lol. (I already made a whole post about one of the why's back in like 2013 or 14 lmao, without connecting it to this.)
Anyway, I put this whole mental illness and relationships deal into ugly imagery in a current fic WIP I'm working on, since recognizing I was aro took living through FP'ing a few 'romantic' relationships, before I even first heard the term FP. I only saw my experiences as 'I don't think I've been experiencing love' and that by itself felt like it fit. I didn't realize there was anything wrong, even as I outwardly said shit like 'I don't think I'm fit for being in a relationship' to the few people who asked me out, even when I wanted to say yes.
And then I kept trying to make relationships work lmao. I don't know why I even bothered. I just wanted to be wrong about being aro, especially when it was a point of contention (aro and ace separately) with some of the relationships.
I'd probably have to meet another aro person of the exact same flavour of aromanticism to make it work, but even then the mental illness would just be a ticking time bomb. No one wants to be the recipient of FP 'affection', except maybe sometimes the fictional people in a certain fiction trope that winds up being fetishistic, even if it's not intended to insult real people (but sometimes it is). And it's just a reminder of how I was probably a big source of toxicity for probably half the people who have ever been close with me, if it's even half of how fiction portrays people with this symptom.
I dunno where I wanted to end this vent, so here's probably a good place. Just wanted to get this off my chest, because it just now felt like a pretty big revelation that my problems weren't related to romanticism, I've had purely platonic instances of this dating back to being an older kid, and more during high school, and I just never connected the two before now.
#dont read if u think im cool#id rather stay cool lol#long post#delete later / /#(in case i change my mind or wanna edit)#Cori.exe#Post.exe#man i talk a lot#shouldve spent this time writing fics instead but i rly needed to talk (type) this out since i dont wanna bring it up in therapy again yet#anyway lmao there we go#rly excited for the fic tho. besides the stuff i mentioned i also took this popular trope and#wait#why am i spoiling it im not gonna convince anyone who read this post lol youll just have to wait for the hot platonic smmmmmut#and hilarious storytelling by one char#and then (still a wip) round 2#bc no fic is complete until theres a round 2. imo.#((yes i know i have a different round 2 thats over a month late past when i was gonna post it lol i havent forgotten))#here we go writing an essay in the tags now too lmao#ok i need a break for my eyes and then im gonna try to write the platonic one more#hhhh anxious tht my reputation will tank from posting this. idk how i or my 2 followers will survive th consequent backlash and cancellation#(joke)#(still anxious tho)#(i have diagnosed chronic anxiety lol)#eager to know what id be cancelled from tho. maybe my puppetfuckinglicense gets revoked.#maybe my shrimp get taken into protective custody#shrustody#sorry i dont mean to make light of legit cancellations im just trying to convince myself its okay to post on my own blog#good fucking luck catching all those shrimp tho i dont even know how many i have. they control their own population at this point.#they probably have their own system of... shrovernment#Prime Shrimpister Isosceles rules with an iron swimerette i wouldnt wanna interfere with that sovereign nation
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