#still not convinced i'm awake
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"tidy your room, you'll feel better" and 10 other things you shouldn't say to me
#when i say the mess is reassuring i had never meant it so viscerally before#anxiety#dream journal#13/05/2024#still not convinced i'm awake
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I think I might have OCD.
I really have no other explanation for any of this. But I'm also already diagnosed with plenty of other things and I can't possibly have everything in the DSM so I feel like I'm making it up. But every time I research anything about it I just feel like it matches and I have no reason against it.
I have been told by at this point 6 unrelated people that I should consider it and I feel like that's a little ridiculous for something I've been denying any possibility of having. And I'm able to function much better than my aunt so I must be fine right? (Except I know I'm not functioning and it's genetic)
And I know in the end it doesn't really matter and I'm definitely overthinking this and have no reason for the panic attack but if it is OCD I think I need to change the way I'm engaging with this (maybe I do anyway). Maybe some of these things I'm doing are actually harmful to me (I know they are). Now I'm not sure what to do about that but it definitely can't be blamed on not liking changes in routine when how did it get this way in the first place
#garlic is awake way past their bedtime and still hasn't completed their schoolwork for tomorrow and is instead contemplating life and how#everything has to be a certain way sometimes#and maybe garlic has started to realize that all of this might be related to it's relationship with it's sibling#and maybe it's annoying shower and handwashing and not having a panic attack over touching something slightly not clean routines#and I'm sure whoever fronts tomorrow will convince garlic it's making it up and we'll pretend this isn't a thing for the next near again#(for the first time in a row at least)#ocd#garlic has a mental breakdown in the middle of the night#also why are we talking about ourselves in third person?#good question...
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𝗘𝗠𝗠𝗔 𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗜𝗡 𝗖𝗔𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗔 𝗥𝗢𝗟𝗟 : 46 / ∞ featuring andrei lupei ( @razorfst )
— 𝘮𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵 / 𝘳𝘦𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 —
#{ the way this is what i've been doing the entire time i've been having this philly cheeseball meltdown 😭 }#{ still not convinced i'm awake but anywaY THE CROUCH I'M CRYING }#୧ ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ throw a punch fall in love give yourself a reason ⌗ razorfst .#୧ ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ in love with being noticed and afraid of being seen ⌗ visage .#୧ ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ do you remember drinking in the parking lot by the trailhead ⌗ scrapbook .#୧ ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ stuck between my anger and the blame that i can’t face ⌗ edit .#୧ ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ you’ll always be a flower on my skin and the pain that i am in ⌗ mentions .
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I really wanted to stay up until my actual birth time like I usually do, but I genuinely do not think I'll get to midnight, let alone past it and that's kinda sad :/
#ree rambles#it's my period's fault#i mean. it would probably be a challenge regardless. but i could maybe get to midnight if not#but I'm just. so. tired#and I'll probably have to spend a bit of time in the morning convincing myself to get up so going to sleep at a semi decent time is best#bc I'd rather more hours in the daytime awake but still#bit upsetting
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Lately I've been consistently staying up til at least 4am (last night it was 5) for no goddamn reason just bc I'm not doing anything that would require me to be well-rested. And then sleeping in until 11am and doing it all over again. I now understand the "f/o drags you to bed and makes you go to sleep" genre of post. That used to feel annoying to me bc I'm In Charge Of Myself but like. Ok I get it. Please make me sleep. Please.
#I'm already IN BED I just STAY AWAKE ON MY PHONE#doing nothing that matters at all!!#who is going to cuddle up with me and make me sleep???????#c'mon. c'mon.#it's only 9:30 rn but I KNOW I'll still be up until 3am tonight#even though I'm complaining#please. someone come join me and get me all cozy and sleepy and convince me to put my phone down around midnight for a change#roz posts
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so like in the latest chapter of honkai starrail
(spoiler 👇)
who's willing to bet crimson is going to pull an inception.
like yes you'd NORMALLY pick the choice to wake up... but under specific circumstances?
hm I think crimson will chew on penacony for a while longer until they're bored of extorting every possible outcome from the slumbering planet.
heck they might even take over and devour ena before they fall back into slumber ascending into their own AEON, a got of perpetual cycles and repetition.
still I think the stellaron hunters would notice and come straight into this loop attempting to looses crimson's tight grip off the script...
heck in this particular timeline they might even team of with certain factions that worship the remembrance using their memory powers to keep track of how much damage this outer god is doing...
and they'd be so amused to have their authority challenged again by some silly little mortals that want to reclaim their stolen destiny. how adorable. almost makes them feel nostalgic.
anyways... yeah if it was up to crimson everyone would not only be dreaming they'd be inception. and everyone's going to THINK they woke up until they die and turns out it was just one layer of a dream.
if people just started killing themselves to wake up I'm pretty sure crimson is going to become more powerful. they are also a manifestation of insanity and hopeless desperation and obsession...
like I know aeons can only be one thing but crimson's "path" isn't just a one worded ideology.
it's their entire being. and crimson is fucking crazy they're a nutcase.
so like by all means make their throne of corpses flourish. it's not like it's their first time either.
they're having fun. this timeline while still inevitably is going to be terminated and split from the main branch, had been such a feast.
they can't wait to highjack more "experiences"
#crimson's anomaly#c'mon you cannot convince me we're awake#I'm not convinced we're still dreaming this is inception#and rhe only way to wake up is to pull a snowgrave from deltarune or DUSTTALE BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I WOULD DO-#you can tell im very normal about this
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Binge-reading Dungeon Meshi because it's the only thing standing between me and suicide ngl.
#it at least gave me the single molecule of mental energy required to force myself to eat at least one slice of bread#because it's like the physical energy is there sure but mentally I'm like 'noooooo I don't want to eat anything i hate food#all food tastes bad and i hate life and i want to eat nothing at all and furthermore i need to lose weight so i should starve myself'#I'm thinking that it might actually make me last until I either convince the crisis center that I'm for fucking real for real#or until my appointment with the school counselor. which idk when would be because i was supposed to go on the#2nd of April but i guess there might be holidays because he called me when i was atva lecture but i couldn't take it#because i had a lecture and he hasn't called since but I'm assuming#that hell call again and that he wants to let me know that the date is impossible#but I want to like wait and see what he says. and if he goes like 'oh actually im on a long vacay now goodbye forever'#or whatever I'll just go '...slay' and ride my ass to the hospital tomorrow.#show up at the crisis centre looking exactly like the patients with chronic pain who report pain 7 while looking unphased#like 'hello i am an active danger to myself I can't get out of bed most days; i need 16 hours of sleep to function for 4 hours#my meds have stopped working I haven't eaten anything but exactly 2 pancakes and a slice of bread in the past 4 days#and i exhibit a strong refusal to change this marked by thoughts present in people affected by eating disorders. no activity#feels fun anymore and they were marked by a strong sense of anxiety a few days ago but now i just feel nothing at all.#at this point I'm not even refusing to do any of my hobbies because im increasingly afraid of failure and its#consequences while being hunted for sport by anxiety from the opposite end telling me that i need to finish 50 masterpieces#immediately or nobody will ever like me again and they'll all see me for the talentless fraud i am. at this point i just don't care.#i don't do anything because i feel sluggish and my body is heavy and I'm so so tired and I'm tired of being awake and I can't think straight#also i think i might be going into a psychotic episode again.'#they're gonna tell me to get the fuck out of their faces anyway but it's worth a try.#like idk i feel like they might kinda listen because yesterday I guess they wouldn't have but today i have stopped caring about cars#and looking both ways. which is like. not a good sign probably. also yesterday i was still somewhat able to talk to people#even though i was in a very irritated and drained out state but today I'm feeling like if anyone even fucking attempts to talk to me#or if i hear any loud fucking sound at all I'm just gonna punch myself in the head until the pain drowns out all the sound
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There's a special kind of love between a person suffering from a kidney stone and the cat worriedly following them to and from the bathroom
#he sits outside the door then immediately hops in my lap with the heating pad and purrs gjdjrjgj#Quil's KNOWN to be like. the Medic Alert cat#if I'm about to have a (really bad) seizure he cuddles EXTRA HARD and won't let me up/move#and if i am actively having one he screams and cries and does whatever he can to get someone's attention#mom has/had uncontrolled diabetes (she doesn't live with me anymore so idk if she still does)-#and he used to bite her awake when her sugar crashed#I'm also convinced he knew when all my brain stuff was going on#just based on his behavior and timeline stuff#he's the sweetest boy too!#his purr is loud enough you can hear him from the other end of the room#he's got really bad anxiety but once you get to know him he's sweet and cuddly#everyone thinks he's mean tho bc the anxiety and kinda rbf#he's getting older (he's like. 12?) and tbh i have. NO IDEA what im going do without him whenever he dies#rambling in the tags#listen im stuck trying to pass this thing may as well right?
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I've seen lots of people today saying that they didn't like season 2 of OFMD as much a season 1 as there was too much romance. Which is fair, of course, and intellectually I get it, but also, it does not compute at all for me
#genuinely before the season I thought#that I no longer was a shipper of things#but turns out! I still am!#just for like. good ships though.#maybe I need to watch/read better media#like last night I woke up with the thought of#Stede calling Ed beautiful and Ed saying he wasn't used#to hearing nice things and Stede said that he would#(become used to hearing nice things that is)#which I thought was a genius thing to post in my half-awake state#and while I don't think it's a genius thing to post in my awake state#it is still a reminder of how much space these people take up in my brain#anyway it's a shame there's no season 3 but I'm happy with how things ended#(being convinced that Buttons will revive Izzy ofc)
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one of those nights where i'm reasonable enough to go to bed early but still really hope i don't wake up
#and i say reasonable but actually it's really just that i don't want to be awake any longer#i'm so tired#(very vent tags ahead sorry i just need to get stuff off my chest but can't actually say any of this to anyone)#what do you do when you realize that you might actually be getting worse as a person on like. all levels possible#and you're not sure you have the energy to care anymore#like rn i'm considering that and honestly except the usual dread of 'oh things will change' i don't really. idk#and one of the main things that kept me going was the certainty that i could still. care about people and do good around me#but if i can't even do that. if i'm really becoming an egoistic piece of shit#well people will understandably get tired!! and then what's the point anymore better leave before i do any actual harm!#anyway. if anyone's read this far (and i honestly hope not) dw i won't actually kms in the next. idk 2 to 3 months at least#maybe i'll be normal tomorrow. maybe i'll get worse but still continue living with#probably that. not that i'm that convinced about living but i'm too scared to die i think#i have the resistance of a cockroach and will live a long and miserable life
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James *poking Remus*: Remus. Remus. Remus. Remus wake up. Remus. Remus.
Remus:
James: Remus. Remus. MOONY!!
Remus: OH MY GOD, WHAT??
James: Oh good, since you're awake-
Remus: *groans*
James: -your plan didn't work
Remus: What plan?
James: When you told me to throw confetti over Regulus' head to get him to date me
Remus: I specifically said 'Do NOT, under any circumstances, do that James'
James: Exactly! That's basically telling me to do it!
Remus: It didn't work on Lily, how the hell did you think it would work on Regulus
James: I couldn't have known!! They're such different people!!
Remus: And which parts of those "differences" made you think Regulus Black would be more receptive to being thrown confetti at in front of the whole school
James: Crouch and Rosier still laugh hysterically every time they see me..
James: So what do you suggest I do? Make even a grander gesture in front of everyone??
Remus: No! What-
James: Maybe sing him a song??
Remus: I-
James: That I wrote??
Remus: You're INSANE
James: On my guitar??
Remus *checks the watch*: It's 3 AM James go f-
James: In the great hall??
Remus: I don't even care at this point
James: You're a genius. I knew I came to the right person
Remus: That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard and I feel like I should call Regulus to warn him about you. But you seem convinced so. God bless. *slumps back to bed*
James: Do you believe in god Remus?
Remus: *voice muffled by the pillow* I believe in hell. And I'm in it.
#marauders#jegulus#remus lupin#james potter#starchaser#sirius black#regulus black#lily evans#platonic moonchaser#harry potter#hp#the marauders era#the marauders#rosekiller#wolfstar#incorrect quotes#marauders incorrect quotes#evan rosier#barty crouch junior
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— emergency contact
it’s been two years since you’ve seen your ex-boyfriend, and didn’t plan on changing that anytime soon. a nasty villain fight lands you in the hospital during an overnight patrol and leaves you unable to tell the doctors who to call in your dazed state.
✮ content. late 20s. ex-boyfriend bakugo, hospitalization, sappy confessions & second chances. distance makes the heart grow fonder kind of deal.
『 #reis softie sundays 』
Sharp, shooting pain down your back and a desperate cry from your partner ⎯ that was the only thing you remember from the last…four hours? Time is becoming illusive at this point, blending together with how fast everything unraveled around you.
Were you injured on patrol? Did that villain slip through your fingers and escape? Where was your partner in all this chaos?
“Doctor, she’s waking up,” you hear in the distance, muffled but clear enough to understand. A nurse walks into your blurred vision, a soft smile on her lips. “Hi hon, you’re in the hospital. We’re taking you to your room now, hang tight.”
All you can manage to do is nod in acknowledgement, the world spinning on its axis and making you extremely dizzy. Your eyes fall closed, a hazy sleep welcoming you in seconds.
When you wake next, you're not quite sure how much time has passed. The room sits in darkness, the only sources of light coming from the moon outside the window and the various machines chirping around you. There's a static in your head, as if you're stuck on a radio frequency that hasn't been adjusted to the correct channel. Even with all the noise in your head, a familiar voice can be heard outside in the hallway, one you'd never mistake for anyone else.
"It's late," a nurse says, presumably trying to convince him to go home. "Are you sure you want to stay? We can try her other contacts again in a few hours."
"M'sure. Do I need'ta sign in or whatever?"
"No, that's alright. I'll notate it on her chart and let the front desk know. I'll be back in a bit and we can talk more about treatment."
The door slides open to prove you're not imagining things ⎯ your ex isn't a manifestation of your delirious state. Bakugo's standing in the dim light of the hallway, tip toeing inside and shutting the door as quietly as possible. When his eyes fall upon your hospital bed, he notices that you're awake and sighs. "Been awhile."
You don't have the energy to do this dance with him, to go back and forth with lightheartedness like old times. "Why are you here?"
His lips press into a straight line, jaw clenched tight as he seems to silently ask himself the same question. He makes his way over to the bed, taking a seat at the edge by your feet. "I'm still one of your emergency contacts in your hero file."
Your eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. There's no way you haven't updated your database profile in two years...right? Bakugo catches onto your confusion and explains before you have a chance to press him further on the matter. "M'the only one who answered."
What time was it, anyways? Your eyes bounce around the room swiftly to find a wall clock. You squint a bit to read it, finally making out the numbers. 4:30...am?
"What did they call you for?" you yawn, rubbing the exhaustion out of your eyes. "I don't even know what happened."
He takes a deep breath as a large hand finds your thigh, resting atop the thin blanket. His touch makes you want to melt into a puddle, memories of your past relationship coming back in waves.
"They didn't tell me much, only that it was life or death. Thankfully, your ass chose life." He shakes his head, a quiet huff escaping him. "Somethin' about a villain's poison quirk. Ya got hit in the spine and it paralyzed you temporarily, an' you fell from someplace high up. Your partner caught ya and the paramedics got to you just in time."
Oh. Well, that explains the pain from earlier.
"But why did you answer their call, Baku⎯" you cut yourself off to correct his name as it leaves your lips. "Katsuki?"
"I'm not heartless, just 'cause we haven't talked in ages doesn't mean I don't care about ya."
You shift in your bed a bit, eyes gravitating toward the window to avoid his gaze. Truth be told, you two ended on decent terms and not maliciously. Wrong place, wrong time...at least, that's what you two chalked it up to. You were both too busy with hero work, too absent from each other's lives to properly be a couple. After a year, you convinced yourself that you were satisfied watching him from afar, catching brief glimpses of his life through interviews and news reports. That was your excuse, a cowardly way to keep him out of reach and prevent you, and him, from getting distracted.
"Hey." Bakugo's fingers squeeze your thigh to recollect your attention, the blanket crumpling under his palm. You're terrified to look at him, knowing full well that in your battered state, you'll crumble like stone if he says anything remotely sweet. Those vermillion eyes of his always had a way of making you weak ⎯ soft. "I was thinkin' on my way over here that I should'a called ya, reached out to keep in touch. M'sorry for not doin' that."
"It's...fine," you stammer out, a shaky hand coming up to wave off his concern. "We don't have to talk about that now."
"I don't wanna only talk to you when you're hurt, or worse..." he trails off, screwing his eyes shut to avoid the dread lingering in his chest. "Look. What m'gettin' at is you scared the shit outta me, and it made me realize that I've got a lot to say after all these years."
Oh boy, you brace yourself for impact, expecting the explosive nature to come pouring out any second. But, it never comes.
Before you could stop him, Bakugo's on his feet and leaning over the bed, arms slung around your shoulders to pull you close. A strange but familiar veil of comfort drapes over you in the moment, pulling on your heartstrings. Your eyes begin to sting when the words he whispers finally reach your ears. "M'done usin' hero work as an excuse to avoid you. I wanna talk this shit out...when you're ready. I'd love to make ya dinner again."
You can't help but let out a breathless laugh, arms finally coming up to return his hug. "Only if you promise to make your special katsudon. I've been craving it for weeks."
He chuckles over your shoulder, squeezing you a bit tighter in response. "Deal."
Who knew that a villain was what you two needed to face your fears, to finally admit that the spark was never smothered into nothingness. And this time, something tells you that you'll both make damn sure it stays ablaze.
happy softie sunday!! I know it's been awhile since I've written one. hope you don't mind some baku-sap :)
✮ network. @pixelcafe-network
✮ tags. @slayfics @maddietries @starieqq
@liluvtojineteyam @jays-adventure3 @simp-plague
@napbatata @Yoyolovesdaiki @kirishimaeijiromyman
@strwbrrykthv @awkwardchick87 @stunies @sakufilm
#reis softie sundays#bakugo x reader#bakugou x reader#katsuki bakugo x reader#katsuki bakugou x reader#soft bakugou#bakugo fluff#mha x reader#bnha x reader#my hero academia fluff
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Some facts about Lucanis (and also Spite and the Crows) gathered from the banters
I went through all companion banters on DanaDuchy's channel after playing the game to write down all facts about companions/the world that I haven't seen brought up anywhere in the game as a writing reference (and for funsies).
Note: This list may not be exhaustive. I might have missed some something or didn't write it down because I considered it common knowledge. If you have anything to add, please DM me or send an ask! (do specify what banter the information is coming from, though)
Note 2: Posts from this series (mostly) don't include information from banters specific to quests or between companions and faction members. I plan to do another playthrough to capture more of those and will add any relevant info to the character posts.
Other characters' posts: Bellara, Davrin, Harding, Emmrich, Neve, Taash. I'm also planning a post about just the Lighthouse some time later
About Lucanis:
Family and the past:
Lucanis learnt to cook while helping the kitchen staff at the villa when he was a little boy. One of his motivations was learning how to make churros
Side note: Lucanis mentions that cioccolata calda was his favourite drink when he was a baby, and he serves churros to a romanced Rook who picks cioccolata calda as their favourite drink. It’s all coming together!
Lucanis wanted to be a Crow when he was a child (at least most of the time)
All of Lucanis's relatives were Crows as well, and all of them were killed by a rival Crow house
Lucanis says Caterina would be proud of Illario hiding his plans well, as well as killing her
Lucanis says that the hard part about setting Illario free would be convincing Caterina
Lucanis says that nightlife was more of Illario's thing, and he never got out as much
On Crows and Antiva:
Viago still stares daggers at Lucanis for throwing his (Viago's) pet snake out of the window in a dream
Lucanis doesn't like it when people confuse murder and assassination ("Murderers are hobbyists, we are professionals")
Lucanis has taken contracts in Orlais
Lucanis doesn’t know Treviso as well as he once used to
Heir didn’t train Lucanis
Lucanis says he has never killed an innocent “by his count” (other people may disagree)
Lucanis doesn’t think of the Crows as a “big organisation” (unlike the Inquisition) because they stab each other too much
Lucanis became a mage-killer at Caterina’s behest (she wanted to tap into new markets)
The nickname “The Demon of Vyrantium” came from Tevinter news-sheets, though Lucanis thinks Viago started it
Lucanis says that there aren't any special tricks to killing mages. Though, if nothing else works, you can try pissing them off, as that could attract a demon that would eat the mage
Lucanis once killed half a dozen venatori while stuck inside an elevator
Lucanis doesn’t consider himself a gentleman assassin, manners are less important than getting the job done
Lucanis sometimes spares his targets. He mentioned letting go of a servant who killed her master, as well as a 14-year-old boy. He thinks it’s wrong to kill people so young because they still have time to change
Lucanis doesn’t accept contracts without merit, and the merit is decided by the talon of the house
General:
Lucanis can make bread
Lucanis has never been to Ferelden
Lucanis isn’t interested in killing wyverns, just looking at them :)
Lucanis has a pet snake
Lucanis stays awake at night by cleaning his gear, exercising, studying Orlesian and knitting ("it’s just another kind of blade work")
Lucanis doesn’t understand a lot of things people find attractive
(In a conversation with Harding) Thinking about cooking was one of the things that helped Lucanis stay sane in the Ossuary (the other was thinking about killing his enemies)
(In a conversation with Davrin) Lucanis survived the Ossuary by shutting down and not thinking about anything except escaping
These two points sort of contradict each other. Either an inconsistency or Lucanis describing his experience differently to different people.
The Wetlands ruined at least one pair of Lucanis’s boots
(If Rook chooses to save Treviso) Lucanis offers to pay for any supplies the Shadow Dragons may need
Lucanis doesn't get a better bed because he's afraid of accidentally falling asleep
Lucanis can identify the killer’s weapon and the height difference between them and the target just through the blood splatter left at the scene
Lucanis considers Grey Wardens dangerous
Lucanis doesn’t like necromancy, because bringing people back to life is a waste of hard work
Lucanis finds the ice coffee from Minrathous offensive (Harding describes it as “snow, but made of coffee, sweet, and with cream and toffee sauce on top”)
Lucanis had never been in a romantic relationship before Rook/Neve
Relationships with other companions:
Lucanis gets into reading Bellara’s serials (very passionately - they chat about it a bunch)
Lucanis is outraged that the Veil Jumpers don’t get paid for their work and offers Bellara his contract negotiator
Lucanis made biscuits for Assan
Lucanis is sceptical that the griffons will be safe with the Wardens
Lucanis think that Assan shouldn’t go soft (referring to the time he took care of a halla) because he is a predator at heart
(If Emmrich becomes a lich) Lucanis offers to hold a funeral for Manfred
Lucanis and Harding talk a lot about dreams (mostly silly things like showing up naked for the job, getting chased by someone/something etc.)
Lucanis thinks Harding is deadly with her bow
Lucanis offers to pay Harding for being his lookout/aide at the rate of 6000 gold per contract
Lucanis offers the help of his contract negotiator to Neve after he finds out she doesn't have one
Lucanis made deep-fried peppers for Taash
About Spite:
Emmrich can hear Spite even when he doesn’t take over Lucanis’s body (at least from a close distance)
Spite is impartial to Emmrich, believing him more than Lucanis
Emmrich says it’s impossible to separate Spite and Lucanis without killing them
Emmrich encourages Lucanis to read to Spite to bring them closer. Lucanis agrees to let Spite pick a book
(If Emmrich becomes a lich) Spite asks if he and Lucanis can get rid of their skin too
(If Manfred is revived at the Necropolis) Spite asks Emmrich to teach him how to use fire magic. Lucanis isn’t thrilled by the idea
Emmrich sets up wards to prevent Spite from leaving the room when Lucanis is asleep
Spite no longer sleepwalks after “Inner Demons” because he apparently understood the concept of space
By the end of the game, Spite has agreed to stop sleepwalking completely
Spite controls the wings (confirmed in banter with Harding)
Spite wants to try swinging off the astrolabe at the Lighthouse
Spite is very excited about Manfred having hands and feet (Curiosity. Has. Feet!)
Spite finds the wisps in Neve’s room unnerving (as do Lucanis and Neve)
Spite likes to play with whetstones Bellara got for Lucanis (Bellara got them from the Irelin who supposedly got them from somewhere in Arlathan)
Spite wants to try eating self-lightning candles at Blackthorne Manor
About the Crows:
Crows frequently visit Nevarra and have received 20 contacts to assassinate the king. The King has been poisoned 7 times
Crows get a lot of contracts for Divine Victoria
Some seers in Rivain are powerful enough that there are contracts on them as well
Caterina once killed a man with a thimble
When Crows kill someone, most of the time they want others to know it was them (rather than presenting the death as an accident)
The crows buried six different Eight Talons and rarely take contracts in Ferelden after the Zevran fiasco
#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age#veilguard spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#neve gallus#caterina dellamorte#emmrich volkarin#spite#lace harding#datv banters#meta#references#flowers.txt
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505
Week Four of my yearly playlist challenge!
Summary: When you fall asleep on the overnight drive between one case and the next, Spencer gets awfully distracted by your sleep talking.
Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI Partial Spencer POV, dom!Spencer, brat!Reader, pain play (scratching, choking, spanking, etc), degradation (use of whore, slut), masturbation (m and f), orgasm denial, breeding kink, creampie, cockwarming.
A/N; Thank you to the Arctic Monkeys for fuelling my delusions and for gif makers everywhere for their services to horniness. This was the first playlist fic chosen from a recommended song, so if you enjoyed it, don't forget to send me more song recommendations for the playlist!~
Masterlist || Playlist
Spencer was never the most confident driver in the BAU, but between the two of you, he was the only one who possessed a licence.
Which is how he found himself driving through the night with you asleep in his passenger seat, trying not to be distracted by the small whimpers and sighs dropping from your mouth.
You'd been sent across state lines to investigate a recent homicide that may have been linked with your current case, and now that you'd deemed it relevant to your case, you were driving back to the rest of the team with all the documents you needed in tow.
He'd been happy to drive when you left, with the sky black and the air cold, knowing that the country roads that would lead you just over the border would be practically empty. He'd even been content to let you sleep the majority of the journey, having noticed how little sleep you'd managed to get so far on this case.
He'd been happy until your lips parted and you'd whispered his name in a moan.
He'd thought you were awake at that moment and assumed you were about to ask where you were or what time it was. But you hadn't opened your eyes, and your breaths were still even and steady.
You did it again five minutes later, and the gentle sound hit the hairs on the back of his neck, sending a shiver down his spine that settled comfortably in his now tight pants.
‘Shit,’ he thought, sparing a glance at you whilst keeping his hands comfortable at 10 and 2, his posture rigid as he willed other parts of his body to relax.
Your legs had splayed open, your hand having fallen unconsciously between them for some kind of relief. He didn't let his thoughts linger where his eyes had fallen.
He tried to convince himself that you were just dreaming about a case. Maybe he'd been shot in your dream, and you'd felt sad. Maybe your moans were ones of sorrow.
“Spencer, fuck…”
Maybe he was going to hell for the thoughts flooding his brain because he wanted nothing more than to slide a hand into your pants and start giving you the relief you so blatantly begged for.
He settled for turning into the next motel he saw advertised on the road. Hotch had told them, of course, that they could rest up for the night if needed, but he'd been too eager to get on the road while it was clear. But with his mind fogged with less than ideal thoughts, and your obviously aching body moaning beside him, a motel honestly couldn't hurt.
You woke up slowly as he parked the car, the lack of motion wearily drawing you from your dream. He looked across at you and let out a sigh of relief to see you conscious.
He'd been willing to carry you to whatever room you'd get, but he didn't know whether his hands would linger over your body. Wouldn't know if he'd be able to retract his hands at all if you reacted like that in your sleep.
Now you were awake and looking at him, talking to him even, but all he could think about was whether you'd react better to his touch when awake. How could he get you to moan his name again, and how loud would you dare do it?
“Spence? Hello, are you listening?”
“What?”
“Okay, I'm glad you pulled off the road if you're so tired you're not even hearing me speak,” you laughed a little, and the sound shot straight to his cock.
Your voice was thick with sleep, and the phantom of his name hung on your lips, having been the last words to drop from your tongue. He usually had better control of himself.
“Yeah, let's go get some sleep. You sounded pretty tired, too.”
“Sounded?” You asked, and he watched your face warp in gentle confusion. He bit his tongue, trying to retract the statement, choosing the cold, biting winter air over the sight of you with a pout on your lips.
His brain was addled with thoughts of those two plump cushions pouting around his cock as he held your hair back and- and yes, the cold air was definitely necessary.
“You stretch your legs, I'll go organise the room,” you said, climbing out of your side of the car. He nodded along, not trusting his voice not to break like a prepubescent boy and turning his back to you, not trusting his eyes to linger awkwardly on your ass.
It seemed like seconds, and then you were back leading him to the rooms you'd booked.
When you unlocked only one door, with only one key, however, Spencer found all the progress of the last few minutes squashed immediately.
“We're sharing?” He hung around the door, not sure whether to step inside or just resign himself to sleeping in the car. He made a mental note to grab some tissues before heading back out to the car if this conversation ended the way he thought it would.
“Yeah, they only had one room cleaned and ready right now. It's fine, right? We've shared rooms on cases before.”
You’d shared rooms on cases before, but never after he'd driven for nearly a half hour listening to you moan his name. He'd usually been too exhausted after full days of work and had regrettably fallen asleep first each time you'd been roommates.
“Yeah, it's cool.” He cleared his throat, trying to make the octave jump his voice had just made it seem like a symptom of some kind of sickness he was coming down with.
“Great, let me just go shower quickly, and then we can get into bed.”
Warnings signals rang throughout his head, but he still sat patiently listening to the water running in the shitty motel bathroom. Grabbing his go bag, he readied himself for sleep, trying to ignore the fact that you were hot and wet and naked just a wall away and that he could hear everything.
Every sigh you released, every trickle of water running across your skin. Every mumble of his name.
Again, he thought he'd imagined it, but now he was sure you were torturing him.
Your gasps of air were less innocent than they were four minutes ago, chest having faster and faster, and he thought it was clear that your hand covered your mouth to make you less audible. He didn't know what you were doing, but it didn't matter much to his cock, which had stiffened painfully once again. Unconsciously, his hand reached for it, needing to give himself some release. He'd already pulled off his slacks and put on his baggier sleep pants, which did nothing to hide his affliction.
Instead, it was somehow more obvious, painfully so. And his hand was pawing at it through the thin material, chasing that high that you yourself were likely close to in the bathroom.
It was only when the shower shut off once more that he realised how fogged his brain had been. His cock throbbed in his hand, and it certainly wasn't going down anytime soon, and you'd be out of the bathroom in minutes if not seconds.
With no other choice, he dived under the bed sheets and pulled them up across his chest, too, and began to pretend to sleep.
When the light spilt from the bathroom, he screwed his eyes shut tighter, even as his brain willed him to sneak a look at you.
But he held firm, telling himself that he just needed to wait for you to fall asleep and then he'd relieve himself.
At least those were his plans until he felt the dip in the bed, the movement of his sheets, and the warmth spreading across the bed from you to him.
You'd climbed into bed right next to him. Your ass was mere centimetres away from his crotch, and he shuddered in pleasure. Shuddered.
He tried to keep his breathing still, even, and he really thought after a few minutes that you too had fallen asleep. It was all but impossible as your body cuddled in closer to his and he found your ass pressed comfortably against his straining cock.
“Y/N, you need to move,” he warned, breath shooting out of him as he resisted digging his hands into your breasts and holding you tight so you couldn't move.
“I don't want to,” you replied sleepily, either not noticing the danger you were in or not caring.
His hands rested on your hips, trying to press you just slightly away so his own hips could scoot back, but you clung to his heat.
“It's cold in here, Spencer, and you're like a furnace right now.” With those pouty words, you turned your body around and wrapped your hips up and around his body. He scooted back as you did, though, just an inch too far, and instead of landing softly against his chest, the two of you landed in a tangled mess on the floor.
“Spencer,” you moaned again, this time in shock, as you perhaps finally felt his aching length poking the inside of your thigh.
He'd dampened your fall on the way down, clasping you to him as he flailed in the air for a few seconds, bringing his downfall on faster with your ass cupped in his palms.
“Fuck, Spencer, you're so hard.” His dick twitched at the sound of your tired voice pressed against his ear.
You pulled away slowly, head peeking down between you, trying to catch a glimpse of his still hardening cock between the two of you.
“Don't look, it'll get harder,” he grunted, grasping your hips harder and trying to catch your attention again. But that just had you grinding down into his hips again, and your mouth widened in that perfect ‘o’ as you felt the desperation and need drip from him.
“Spencer,” you said, hips reacting slowly at first as they kept up the small movements of pressing down on him and lifting your hips slightly to do so again.
You were grinding your cunt into his hard cock, pinning him to the ground and using his body to get yourself off.
It was the most deliriously arousing thing he'd ever born witness to.
“Y/N, stop it before you regret it.” His tone was a warning, but his words came out at barely a whisper. You didn't even bother with a reply.
“Y/N, please I mean it-”
“Spencer, fuck-” you moaned for the last time before he pushed you to the ground and pressed his lips against yours.
He'd hit his limit, and now he was going to reach his reward.
He ran his hands up to the waistband of your sleep shorts and quickly tugged them down, lips not leaving yours as he forced his tongue into your mouth. Your moans were throaty now, and they were loud, your brain so delirious with just you'd completely bypassed any shy feelings.
After making quick work of your pants, he grabbed your hand in his and moved it over his throbbing cock, showing you what it was you needed from him.
“Stroke it.”
You did. Sliding a hand into his pants, you gripped him firmly in your hand and gently ran your fingers up and down his tip, more teasing than anything solid.
Spencer didn't complain, though, knowing he wouldn't last that long if you took your job as seriously as he was about to take his.
“Spread your legs. Now.”
You weren't sure what it was about his tone, but you complied easily. His fingers reached out, and he almost sent up a prayer as his fingers came into contact with your wet, heat. You were so aroused.
“Did you dream about me? Earlier in the car?” He questioned, two fingers slipping easily inside your pussy as his thumb traced your clit.
“Y-Yes.”
“Did you think about me in the shower?”
“Spencer, I can expl-”
“Answer me. Please.”
“Yes.”
“You were touching yourself thinking about me, knowing I could hear just how much of a slut you were through these walls. You wanted this, Y/N.”
He increased his pace as your eyes clouded over, your already sleepy countenance looking decidedly more ready for release and rest.
But he wasn't in a giving mood.
“What an impolite little whore,” he whispered in your ear, withdrawing his hands completely and picking himself up from the floor.
Your eyes shot open in confusion and pain as he sat himself on the edge of the bed. You watched his movements, saw him pull his still erect cock from his pants and begin stroking himself, and quickly organised your limps into a kneeling position by his feet.
He watched you closely as you let your head fall onto his thigh, your eyes following each pump of his hand up and down, and up and down.
“Spencer, please fuck me,” you pleaded with him, trying to resist the temptation to wrap your legs around his and hump his leg like a real bitch in heat. Though he'd probably greatly enjoy the view.
“Why should I?”
“Because if you don't, I'm going to sit here and finger myself until I pass out from exhaustion. And then I'm going to request a room with you on every other case this year and do it all over again.”
“You're manipulative, you know that?”
“I just know what I want, Spencer.”
“Then come and take it.”
Though he told you to come to him, it was his hand on your neck that guided you to your place in his lap.
It was his hand on his cock that lined himself up with your cunt. It was his hips that snapped up into yours as he finally took you.
But it was your lips that screamed his name as he fucked you roughly.
Each thrust was most intense than the last, deeper, harder, faster.
You clawed at his hair, you bit his bottom lip when your mouths Mey again. You clawed your nails across his shoulders and back.
He pressed you back into the mattress, and you wrapped your legs around him one more time, urging him to stay right there for the rest of the night.
His hands found your breasts, and he grabbed them again, roughly.
It was finally too much, and, as he pinched down on your nipple hard to see that beautiful mix of pleasure and pain one more time, you came around his cock, heat spreading out of you in waves as your thighs twitched under the weight of sheathing him.
“I'm going to cum, Y/N, I'm going to cum,” he dragged his teeth across your neck, whispering the words like a prayer.
You couldn't reply, mouth so heavy with lust your tongue couldn't move if his wasn't forcing it.
“I'm going to cum inside you,” he whispered again, his voice a growl of pleasure as your eyes shot open again.
All you could do was moan his name as he painted your cunt white, pressing his entire weight down on you without a care in the world.
You remained locked in that embrace for a long moment, your body tired and brain similarly diminished. Trusting him to take care of things, you let your eyes droop closed and let sleep consume you.
Your last thought was on his weight still pressed into yours, and the fact that he was still yet to pull out of you and spill his well-placed seed.
#spencer reid#criminal minds#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfic#mgg#spencer reid smut#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds fandom#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid criminal minds#dr spencer reid#spencer reid x reader smut#spencer reid x y/n
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daylight ❀ s. reid x reader
in which communicating with your boyfriend is scary, and spencer reid can't stand to see you cry.
pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader genre: comfort/fluff! tags: reader avoids her issues... for a little bit. that's kind of it. it's just fluffy and simple! word count: 1.5k a/n: something short & sweet because i thought it was cute and i write the most when i'm procrastinating assignments... um… inspired by a conversation sam willow and i were having a few nights ago🫂 reminder that pretty girls cry when they’re confronting somebody!!
Spencer Reid was not oblivious to all things in the world. In fact, he was rather perceptive compared to most people. Psychology degree and human behaviour-based job aside, he noticed things.
A lot of it was good. He knew exactly how to wake you up on mornings he started earlier than you. How to keep you half-asleep enough to allow you your return to sleep, but also awake enough to ensure you'd remember him kissing you goodbye (there had been an argument a few months ago about it — you thought he had left without a word). He knew your go-to Thai order from the restaurant down the street, and he knew which pair of wooden chopsticks your favourite were to pull out of his kitchen drawers.
He was also observant enough to know something was wrong.
He was back from a case. A long one, that had worn him down enough that he felt like a pile of creaking bones when he re-entered his apartment earlier that afternoon. You had returned from your own job an hour after that, and despite the initial excitement that came from your boyfriend being back in the state again, you were a bundle of nerves.
And he knew that.
You were on his couch, legs across his lap and back up against the arm, his hands resting comfortable in the dip between your two knees. There was a quiet episode of New Girl playing on the television (you had convinced him to watch it after he had sat you through every Star Trek movie), but your thoughts were anywhere but the sitcom you had been using to entertain yourself as of recent.
"You've been awfully quiet," Spencer said, piercing the less than comfortable air settled around you two.
"Sorry," you answered, tearing your gaze from the screen to look at him, meeting a worried expression you had somewhat expected.
Hands ran up and down your legs, erupting goosebumps along the skin. "Is something wrong?"
"No," you immediately shook your head and forced a smile onto your face. "Nothing's wrong."
He furrowed his eyebrows, lips parting in that confused look he always had on his face when he was thinking, and he stared at you for a few seconds longer, before, "Yes there is."
Profilers. "Seriously, Spence. There isn't. I'm just kind of tired tonight."
"I am as well," he said, hands stilling on your legs rather abruptly. "I was in Idaho for a week. I'm also exhausted. And usually my girlfriend is a little touchier and more talkative than this when I come home. So I'm assuming something's wrong."
"You're assuming incorrectly, then," your shoulders shrugged.
He said your name chidingly, and it was at that tone of voice that you retracted your legs from his lap, instead tucking your feet beneath yourself, gaze dropping to the couch cushion.
"I just missed you," you told him, a slight stretch of the truth.
"I missed you too," he said, and your shoulders softened. "But that's not all it is."
You blinked, before you fell silent, shaking your head instead.
"Talk to me. What's happened?" his voice was achingly soft, your heart shattering in your chest to the point you wanted to take back every thought you'd had over the past week and burn them to ashes. They didn't mean much now in front of him. Not when he was reminding you of how kind he was.
"You barely talked to me," you said, hands dropping to your lap, and you fidgeted with them under his gaze. "I never knew what was going on. You didn't call once, except for when you landed."
"I was really busy, honey," he answered, and you could hear the frown in his voice. "If I had time to do anything other than the case and sleep, you know I'd have talked to you more."
"I know," your voice shook, and you could feel your emotions overriding your brain. As usual. So, you kept your head down. "But I would've liked you to tell me that, at least."
You heard him sigh, and curiosity got the best of you as you lifted your gaze, inspecting to see if he was sighing out of irritation or not. He wasn't — just exhaustion — and that made you feel a little better.
"I know for next time then," he said, and he met your eyes, which had watered since the last time he looked at you. Which wasn't very long ago, and so he was drawing his eyebrows together, again, confusedly. "What's that? What's wrong?"
On instinct he leaned forwards, and you let him shift his body closer to yours, hands coming up on either side of your neck. You sniffled, trying to suck the tears threatening to fall back into your eye sockets.
"I can't communicate," you mumbled, quietly, a tear escaping and dripping down to the lower half of your cheek.
"You communicated pretty well just then, angel," he said, voice soft as he caught the remainder of the tear and swiped it away with his thumb.
"Yeah but—but now I'm crying," you moaned, pathetically, more tears slipping down your face. His lips twitched — though not in humour, you noted — as he adjusted his hands to your jaw, thumbs continuing to wipe falling tears.
"Yeah. That's okay," he answered. "You've got a flood of hormones going through you right now, and so your body reacts to it in the best way it sees fit. In your case, it's tears."
"I hate it," you mumbled, and this time he did laugh a little, nodding his head.
"I know," he said. "Are you feeling embarrassed about communicating with me?"
"I guess," you replied. "I don't know. I think I just..." you trailed off as your voice disappeared, breath beginning to hyperventilate acutely. "I—I just feel kind of sil—silly."
You cursed each sob that broke up your speech, and yet his gaze and focus on you never once wavered. In fact, his touch seemingly had grown softer, and the concern in his eyes had only grown.
"You aren't silly," he said, once he was sure you weren't going to continue speaking. "If me not talking to you for a week upset you, I'd say that's pretty reasonable."
"I don't know..."
"Want a secret?" he asked, fingers poking into your cheeks enough for you to crack a small smile. You only nodded your head in response, chest still jolting with each sharp intake of breath. "I have to physically restrain myself from calling you every hour on a normal day."
"You're lying," you mumbled, and his smile only widened, a bashful laugh leaving his lips.
"No, honestly. I have so much I want to talk to you about during the day, and I need to remind myself that you're busy and at work too."
A few uncontrollable tears dripped down your face, and your gaze dropped to the top of his shirt, though the smile never left your face. "I don't believe you."
"I wish you would, but that's okay," he said, evidently seeing right through your defying statement — you believed him a little.
His forefinger and thumb caught your chin, and he tilted your head back up so his eyes could meet your glassy ones.
"I'm sorry," you murmured, before he could get a word in.
"For what?"
"Crying."
"Do you take in anything I say to you?" he chastised, though the smile on his face eliminated any fear of him being genuinely irritated, and so your shoulders simply shrugged.
"Sometimes," you said, and his eyebrows shot up.
"Sometimes?" he repeated back to you, and you had to bite your lip to keep the amused expression off your face. He was smiling back at you, before his face settled into something more serious, as he continued, "I don't mind you crying, angel. It breaks my heart to see it, but I'm not sitting here and judging you for it. You know that, right?"
"Yeah."
"Good," he finalised with a short nod, and you sniffled with a nod of your own.
"I mean, technically, crying is good," you said, tongue poking between your teeth as you forced back a smile.
"Yeah? Why's that?"
"Releases endorphins and oxytocin."
He huffed a single laugh through his nose, nodding his head. "Yes. It does."
"I know things," you grinned.
"You do," he agreed with a nod. "My smart girl."
"Yeah. Don't ever forget it."
"I could never," he replied, and a comfortable silence enveloped your two bodies, your heart fluttering in your chest.
"Can you tell me about Idaho?" you finally asked him.
"You really want to know?"
You nodded your head, and he sighed, but complied regardless. And you eventually found your head in his lap, staring up at him as one hand danced gently over the skin of your slightly exposed stomach, the other entangled in your hair, brushing through it.
And he told you about the case he had been away on — it became glaringly obvious behind why he hadn't called or messaged you at all — and consequently eased any other remaining worries behind it.
And it dried your tears up.
your reblogs and replies are always appreciated ♡
#lia’s fics ♡#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fic#spencer reid imagine#spencer x reader#spencer x self insert#spencer reid x reader#criminal minds#criminal minds fic#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds imagine#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid comfort#spencer reid hurt/comfort
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Hello, I really liked your Dukedome au, and I imagine how reader would when Jhon told her about his boys and she was okay with it, but maybe, unconsciously, she doesn't want the guys to misunderstood her relationship whit Jhon, so she star treating them in a very distant/formal way(probably she doesn't even notice either, its not like she is upset or something)
Like, no more cute nicknames for them or cute giggles, she stop looking out for them as often and they notice.
I just like angst I'm sorry 😭
They would notice immediately because ever since your mind subconsciously accepted that no one here would chastise or correct you, you've basically turned the nickname into a part of their name, always said so gently. Or when you'd seek their company out yourself, simply happy to spend time with them.
But then you convince yourself that perhaps you are making them uncomfortable, that maybe you are getting between them and John especially, so you decide it'd be best to just stop. No more nicknames, no more purposely going to spend time with them, just a very calm and respectful camaraderie. It should be fine, shouldn't it? No doubt they'd even be happy, having more privacy without you encroaching on their space.
Wrong, wrong, wrong. First day, they notice that you aren't calling them with those dearly beloved nicknames in that sweet tone of yours, but they assume it might just be something distracting you. They are sure it'll get better.
Second day, they realize you haven't gone to any of them. Haven't had breakfast sitting with Johnny, haven't visited John in his office, haven't taken your walk with Kyle or checked the library to read with Simon. Going over the conversations each and everyone of them has had with you, trying to see if they’d hurt or upset you in any way only to come up empty-handed.
Third day is the last day. There’s genuine fear they might havr royally fucked up. But it doesn’t explain why you are still calm and gentle as ever, greeting them if you happen to run into them but no more cute nicknames or lingering to speak to them. It hurts more because they do hear you still use them for others, but not them.
Fourth day is the last straw. Kyle is there first thing in the morning, greeting you awake with a big bouquet from John and Simon and a tray of so much it’s surprising it even fit on the tray- made by Johnny and Kyle both.
“My lady,” he smiles at you, setting it down on the coffee table a little away. It takes effort not to frown when you just mumble a confused “Kyle?” With no nicknames like love or honey.
“My lady,” he repeats, voice soft and apologetic- almost desperate. “Whatever I’ve done- whatever we’ve done, we truly apologize for it.” He starts. And then asks for your forgiveness again, apologies falling out.
Meanwhile, you are just confused as fuck. And still in your nightgown. What is he- what are all of them even apologizing for, anyways?
#noona.asks#cod x reader#cod#cod x you#tf 141 x reader#tf 141#tf 141 x you#cod imagines#john price x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#ghost x reader#kyle gaz garric x reader#soap x reader#johnny soap mctavish x reader#gaz x reader#kyle gaz garrick x reader#poly!141 x reader#poly 141 x reader#poly!141#poly 141
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