#still love cumulous the most hes so baby

[too-antigonish]

Morse and drinking in the 70s...

Long....because I can't write short. And obviously, a lot of you will already know this stuff...

Just want to take a moment to talk about alcohol and alcoholism in the context of the early 1970s and remind folks of how totally and completely different it is from how we see it today.

Drunk driving had not been outlawed in most countries. Not only that, it was widely regarding as funny—funny enough to be used as a regular “gag” in movies. Problem drinking was also seen as funny. There were regular cartoon strips about it. The “drunk” was a funny stock character in all sorts of plays and movies.

Alcohol was ubiquitous. We’re not just talking liquid lunches. We’re talking drinking at work, while you work—just as you see in Endeavour. Think about that for a second.

And politely saying no wasn’t something you did without social consequences. It wasn’t just seen as a personal preference. Unless you had a specific, acceptable reason, turning down a drink was often seen as stand-offish and judgmental or as a social snub. Teetotalism was regarded as rather naive and ridiculous—not something any man or woman of the world would embrace.

In the early 1970s, there was no widespread understanding of alcoholism as a disease. It was still seen very much as the consequence of personal weakness—still a matter of “If you cared enough or tried hard enough, you wouldn’t do this so it must be a character flaw.”

Plus, most people, “normal” people don’t have problems with alcohol, so if you do then there’s something abnormal and defective about you—most likely something you brought upon yourself.

And as a “personal weakness” and a “defect,” the shame around it was profound and the secrecy matched. If someone went away for treatment, it was very much akin to an unwed mother going off to have her baby and then returning without the child. You never spoke of it. You pretended that it had never happened.

If you were a kind person, you also didn’t go out of your way to parade babies in front of her or talk constantly about children when she was with you. But refer to it directly? Never. Ask for help? Never. It was always something to be hidden. Everyone did their best to forget that it had ever happened and saw this as the "kindest" thing to do.

When Morse returns from his “cure,” it would simply be assumed that everyone would pretend that nothing unusual has happened. Why he’s  just been off on a tour of the West Country and nothing else! Hope you had a lovely time! That sort of polite fiction was exactly what he would have expected upon his return. Anything more direct—at least in a public setting—would have been shocking to him and everyone else.

Where things break down, however, is in the more personal interactions. His relationship with Thursday is such that they can at least broach the topic of drinking. When they do, my impression is that Thursday is well-aware that Morse not “cured.” However, in the context of the time, saying this would be akin to saying, "You failed," because there was no disease model of alcholism in widespread use. You went to be cured and it worked or it didn't.

However, I'd also add that Thursday is almost to the breaking point with the cumulative strain he is under. He can’t cope with the “burden” of Morse being in a precarious state and he knows it. He feels desperately guilty about that—as well as about other things like Strange and Joan or about life having moved on so much while Morse was gone—and so he just shuts down. 

Shutting down is Thursday’s go-to strategy when he’s overwhelmed. We’ve seen him do it many times before. And part of that for him, is that he pretends that the people around him are ok—even if they are anything but ok. Not surprisingly, he does it the most with the people he has the closest emotional ties with—Win, Joan, Sam, and Morse.

So the only way that Thursday can cope is by having Morse be perfectly fine. Conveniently, his preferred coping strategy fits exactly with his society's expectations about how alcoholism works. If Morse is "cured," you don’t need to worry about sparing him the constant offers of alcohol in the same way that the young unwed mother might hope to be spared babies. You certainly wouldn’t embarrass him (especially after he’s been through the humiliation of rehab) by drawing attention in any way to a possible to the idea that he still has a problem. 

And finally, a last note on time context. The scene in the pub where Morse has that first drink after finding out that Joan is marrying Jim is utterly heartbreaking for so many reasons. One of those reasons, however, is that we know it’s the first drink—and that the first drink leads to the second, and so on and so forth. Then Morse says to Thursday, “They said the, the odd beer, the odd shot, does no harm…"Everything in moderation," they said,”  and we automatically assume he’s lying.

I’m fairly sure that those scenes were meant to be interpreted through our modern viewpoint. However, it’s worth noting that again, the model of alcoholism in the 1970s was nothing like what we have today. The idea that someone with a drinking problem/addictions needs to abstain entirely was not even close to universal at that point. It’s perfectly possible that the advice Morse is quoting is the advice he received!

[secretlythepits]

Bracing for Tomorrow

I took a beat and that was healthy for me.

Tomorrow is a big day I am dreading. It’s my husband’s last chemo, plus immunotherapy, plus an extra visit with his original oncologist to check on his throat. We have to do it at the bigger downtown treatment center which is just a lot less nice and a lot more stressful, but it makes sense because of his oncology appointment.

He is still coughing a lot and sounds awful, but he is back at work. His doctor said if his pretreatment labs are fine, he can get treatment. No doubt it is going to freak out every other patient and caregiver because he sounds infectious, though he’s not. His oncologist has to put a camera down his throat, which he always hates, but this time with his spasmodic coughing, it doesn’t seem possible. We shall see.

Things will die down after this. He will get a PET scan and that will let us know how effective treatment was. He will continue immunotherapy and that should be much easier, so maybe life will level off.

That is him.

Next week is my youngest son’s birthday. Not great timing because it should be pretty hard around here with his dad wiped out from chemo and pertussis, but that’s when it is. He wants nothing. Sounds good but it has the effect of putting more pressure on me to come up with something. I told him my abilities peaked last year and it will be downhill from there. He agrees. Last year I surprised him with the best dog that has ever existed. Nothing can come remotely close to that. Oh, that means we have a doggy birthday too.

That’s him.

I have made serious progress on my curriculum. It is more work than I expected but it’s also much better than I expected (and I had high expectations!). There is still much to do, but it feels good to hit a benchmark. My brain gets tired from this task. It’s pretty much the hardest thing I could make my brain do: organize many, many different pieces of information into calendars. I have to take breaks. I can literally feel my brain fatigue, like you would if you were doing bicep curls and pushed too hard. It’s not a headache, but I feel this slushy sensation and I know I am about to lose my ability to walk and talk if I keep going. However, I can often come back after an hour break. Still, there can be a cumulative effect and that’s annoying.

I’ve also been regularly exercising. Not much progress but it feels good to get moving and I know it’s the first step to getting a good program going again. I wish I could do more but I am maxed out. I feel not just like I’m taking baby steps, but Thumbalina baby steps.

When I was freaking out last week I called my soul sister. I am so lucky to have her. I can say the most terrible thing I’m thinking and she thinks I’m still marvelous. We have known each other 46 years and been extremely close for much of that time. On the phone I fell apart and then suddenly we were deep belly laughing. Neither of us saw it coming. Love can be truly magical sometimes.

I feel more settled in my heart. I’m focusing on my life. I am really stressed out about tomorrow and the the wake it will create, but the big picture things I wrote about last week are ok. They are forgotten but the changes I made in my mind have brought me peace. Also I’ve received some support from some friends and I really needed that.

When I watched the Olympics I was amazed at the hurdlers. How do those women jump do high so fast, so relentlessly? It boggles the mind. Tomorrow is a big hurdle. I am an ostrich so I’m afraid to look at it.

But don’t ostriches also run very, very fast? I have to remind myself.

Anyway, that’s me.

[canonicallysoulmates]

Jared JIB13 Saturday Panel

He jumps right into questions and so will we...

Do he and Jensen drive around the Impala's or do they mostly stay in the garage?

Baby bro, his Impala, is in his garage in Austin next to the picture of him on a horse from French Mistake. He says he has to take a pic of that and tweet it, that they both got the Impala's restored and his got finished first but it's not registered yet in America so it's still a Canadian vehicle which is weird because it was born in America in Detroit but it go registered in Canada. In order for him to be able to drive it he has to get it registered but they will certainly go road trip. And he does a Jensen impression saying, "I love baby" 😂 x

Why does he think Sam only had one son?

He jokingly says Sam only had one son that he knew of 😉 But he thinks Sam did all right, in his opinion the reason he only had one son is that when Sam and Dean were both alive Sam had a questionable history as far as success and failures go when it comes to loved ones so to speak, you know his first love was on fire on the ceiling, his next was a werewolf, then a demon that makes you start the apocalypse so he thinks Sam had a child and he tried to not mess it up. He does truly believe that we'll see Sam and Dean ride again in the version of Sam and Dean that are played by he and Jensen but in the mean time he thinks Sam thought 'I've been through enough, this kid is healthy, ten fingers ten toes, I'm gonna honor my brother' so that's where he went. x

How does he think Sam dealt with his hell trauma through all of the years?

The way he played it, and the way he thought it- there's a funny thing being an actor on a show, especially a show that you've done for an ep or two or 3 because he thinks it's cumulative, it grows on each other. Every episode you do in a tv show, if you care, is like a brick. So episode 1 you get a brick, ep 2 you get another brick, ep 3 you might get 3 more bricks, and so on and so forth and there are some really pivotal episodes where you get a whole brick wall like I Know What You Did Last Summer, Changing Channels, the Simon Said one for him was very funny, Fresh Blood, Sacrifice. Sacrifice, he feels he put up an entire wall and poured some more foundation on the floor to build another wall. And so by the time they got to hell!sam you just kinda have to do the best you can, and say okay here's the house of Sam.

And he feels like this, and for people that he hasn't been able to talk to about mental health directly, he tries to think of himself and everybody else as a mountain and so you're a mountian and sometimes you look up and it's a cloudy sky or it's raining or thundering, the next day could be the most beautiful day you've ever seen so don't commit to that thunderous lightning sky. And vice versa if it's beautiful and there's rainbows and birds and you're like everyting's great and it's gonna be that way forever in a week it might be a very shitty day so things change, and that's not dissimilar to how to tell the story of a character so when he played hell Sam all of that was there and it was really though, it's hard to go there, and he thinks a lot of actors and actresses are really well equipped to play a scene like that they can kinda just go into it and come out of it feeling fine, but for him it stayed with him for a little bit, and he thinks it's because it was theraputic for him because there was some stuff he had to deal with and so he explored it.

He's really grateful for his friend Sam, he got to explore a lot of stuff that he would've failed at so he's happy to have had that relationship for 15yrs and hopefully again but all those aspects were there, and still are there if you think about it, he can go back and play hell Sam tomorrow, and he might, he hopes to. x

In a previous panel he mentioned stoicism, could he talk more about it?

The question that he had been asked in said previous panel where he mentioned stoicism was who would he like to sit down to have a meal with, and he says his first thought is that right now he'd love to talk to his grandpa that died before he was born.

He feels he's learned quite a bit about stoicism. He'd love to delve into it he thinks the perceived peace, and not that stoicism is being peaceful, but he thinks it's finding the peace and that has been a journey for him. Again the mountain, the clouds change but remain your own mountain and stay peaceful and pacifist and this too shall pass, so he thinks maybe one of the things he loved about learning about stoicism at just an elementary level that he'd love to keep exploring is how to keep seeking peace wherever you are. x

Does he get his hair permed?

He doesn't get it permed. He shares a cute story about how his hair now is very long because he hasn't had a haircut since wrapping up filming on Walker s3, which happened 3 days after the last JIB back at the end of February, he's had long hair before, obviously, but this is a short hair haircut that has grown out so he doesn't know how to do it, and so he got to the green room that morning and went to Jensen and told him he was fucked because he has hair product for short hair now and he didn't know what to do, and he didn't want to put on his beanie all day long but Jensen told him he might have something and saved his ass as Dean saves Sam's ass many times. Jensen always taking care of his boy 🥰 And if I want to headcanon that Jensen styled Jared's hair nobody can stop me. x

Has the why did uncle Jensen kill mommy talk happened?

It hasn't. He and G have watched some Walker with the kids so it's more why did dad want you killed if he's the producer, but there's something really funny that he feels, and people have asked many times if he's watched SPN with his kids, and his kind of canned answer is they're not old enough to see all that blood but they are, or that they can't see love scenes which they can they get it, it's more he has such a deep and abidding love for SPN and Sam and Dean and C and all the other characters that he doesn't want to watch SPN with the kids casually. He will watch SPN with his kids, he will watch every single ep with them but when he does so he wants to be able to pause and say 'hey here are the archetypes, here are the storylines, here are the tropes, here's why the storyline is going this way because soon it might go that way' basically he wants to able to explain it to them. This is something he's gone through with Tom about like Harry Potter or Star Wars and what's the hero's journey and the speedbumbs along the way. But he will watch it with them and he's sure he will get that question, and hopefully he'll have an answer by then. x

The next fan thanks him for Walker Independence and asks him what his favorite bit was

His favorite bit was attempting to give a voice to the stories that haven't been told yet, it's still an open wound but he's so proud of the cast, the storylines, the characters. It's one of those bummers when he has to remind himself that he's a talking monkey, we all are and sometimes it works out where the people who do or don't decide to pay for you to do another season do or don't decide to pay for it. He couldn't be more proud of the show, the stories, actors and actresses, characters, and he hopes we see more of it somehow. x

Does he have any birthday traditions?

He doesn't have a tradition, honestly when he turned 18 he was filming on Gilmore Girls. When he grew up they had birthday parties but once he moved to LA he believes between his birthday in 2018 and his birthday in 2005 when he turned 22-23, he thinks he was on set for like 12 of his 15 birthdays just filming, and he tells another really sweet Jensen story about how when they were filming Wendigo, it was like the 4th day of filming and it was his birthday and he didn't tell anyone but Jensen found out somehow and surprised him by having the crew sing him happy birthday and get him birthday cake 💕

"Ackles somehow or another found out that it was my birthday. And I think this was like day 4 of filming Wendigo, and I didn't say anything I was like, whatever I'm 23 it is what it is, I'm here to work and then when lunch happened I think Jensen was like 'hey, we're gonna rehearse the next scene before we break for lunch' and I was like okay, cool and so I went back into the set to rehearse and they had a birthday cake for me. I guess he had found out it was my birthday and had them all sing happy birthday to me and had them bring me a birthday cake."

This is so precious 🥹

Anyways, he doesn't really have a birthday tradition, if he were to have a tradition it's that he and G try to go to Italy every summer, and she's currently there so they're gonna spend the week there and try to celebrate this week. x

What's a scene between Sam and C that he would have liked to have seen on the show?

Two part answer to a one part question, he really loves the scene directed by Richard Speight with Sam and Sully, and he loves that Sam had an outlet in Sully to kinda talk about what he wouldn't talk to Dean about, and we're all in those relatonships where the person you care most about it's not that you lie to them but you don't tell them how stressed, or worried, or tired you are so he would have loved to see a scene between Sam and C where Sam thanks C for being there for Dean when Sam can't. With all due respect, that's a no from me. x

Has he heard his french voice in SPN? The actor who dubbed him also dubs Matt Damon and Patrick Dempsey! Also, does he find it weird to hear a foreign voice coming from him?

He finds it really fucking cool. He met in Barcelona, maybe 11yrs ago, the actor who dubbed him. He loves it, he thinks it's so cool. His first experience ever hearing himself dubbed was when he was in Beijing, China back in 2006. They had just finished s1, and he and his buddy who was there were unpacking, and they had the tv on and he heard the trailer for some tv show in the background and his friend started freaking out and told him to look and when Jared looked at the tv it was him in s1. So '06 or '07, he doesn't remember, in the summer he went to China and saw it dubbed in Mandarin, and he found it the coolest thing that's ever happened in his life. Says that if anybody wants to dub him, in any language, DM him, he loves it.

He'd love to watch it, and to meet the performer who does it in French as well. x

What's the secret to his and Jensen's brotherhood?

This questions is possibly a version of his favorite question that could ever be asked about SPN. The main thing he can say is that whatever you see on camera though Jensen and he were playing Sam and Dean Winchester they weren't faking shit. It was real to them and it was and still is an amazing life lesson that you get out of something what you put into it, if you half ass something whether it's a friendship, marriage, profession, diet, excercise routine, you're gonna get half-assed results. If you go 'fuck it, i'm all in and if I get hurt I get hurt and I'll abandon ship and do something else' and they went all in like he thinks sometimes he can think about when that moment happened but he thinks both he and Jensen just went like 'you know what this is found family, could be found family'.

Maybe Jensen turns out to be an asshole, maybe he (Jared) turns out to be an asshole and if that happens then he can reverse and put his guards back up and say this guy is a jerk or vice versa Jensen can say he's a jerk about him, but they both just kinda went all right I'm gonna trust you, they didn't say the words but they had that kind of non verbal communication and went after it, and he to this day loves the guy like a brother. And there are ups and downs, somebody goes through something in their life and he'll speak for himself sometimes when he's super stressed out he can be a little curt, a little maybe caustic, snarky or sarcastic and his buddies around him have to be like 'hey, you're kind of being a dick are you alright?' and he'll go 'no i'm not alright im going through this' but having that trust- he knows he and Jensen found that with SPN in Sam and Dean, and he loves their relationship like he wants that for his sons. He doesn't want the rebar but he wants them to rely on each other.

That he heard a great quote: parents leave us too soon, we're not around long enough for our children, siblings are the ones we go through life with. And he thinks siblings can mean anything, if you're an only child, it's your friend, it's your buddy, you need a partner, you need two people in that rowboat. It doesn't need to be somebody who's there everyday but somebody you can go to, and you might not agree all the time but life is not about agreement otherwise why go through life if you have nothing to learn, if everything you say is right, so he thinks they just trust each other and he doesn't know why but they held each others careers in each others hands and were like 'I got you, you got me? Yeah. All right let's get to work'. ❤️

On SPN G was like the demon on his shoulder, on Walker she's like the angel on his shoulder what did he like best demon G or angel G?

Storyline wise he loved demon G. Says, he's a weird guy, he's a nice guy but he's a weird guy because he loves being around people he loves and trusts that are intelligent when he grew up, in High School he was into debating so sometimes he wants to say something not because he means it but because he trusts somebody else's intellect and he wants to hear their reaction and response and he hopes they'll want to hear his as well so he'll say something like he thinks lights should be outlawed and we should go back to candles because this is bad for the enviroment and someone will counter reply he likes the minutia, he likes the back and forth, he likes conflict, conflict is what storytelling is about often and it's whatever the reminder of after conflict has been settled it's whatever the reminder is that teaches the audience and to an extent the performers what the whole scene was about in the first place, it's never what you think it's about. So, he likes that but as far as angel G in Walker it's been fun to show her off to his Austin cast and crew, especially during the covid days when no one else was allowed so he guesses he should say angel G, Emily, so she can come back to s4. x

...I could say something but I'm not going to....

Last question, was he able to sight see in Poland?

He answers that he finally got to his motherland Poland and it was amazing. He had a great time, he was there for 9 days but it was for a USO tour so everyday he was at a different base so not a lot of sight seeing but he saw a lot, he saw a lot of the country. The fan asks if he got to see any of the beaches, he did not, they were inland the whole time he didn't even know they had beaches. He also didn't get to see Katowice which is where his grandparents are from but he'll go back, he wants to go back; it was a lot of trying to give back to people who were in the front lines of the Ukraine-Russia conflict so there wasn't a whole lot of time for traffic or tourism but he can't wait to go back, he had a great time, loved the people. x

Jared JIB13 Saturday

[warningsine]

Misty Quigley (Samantha Hanratty) is a bit of an odd duck. I recognize that may be a bit of an understatement for the girl who destroyed a crashed plane's black box, went full "Misery" on her crush, and accidentally yeeted her best friend off a cliff. "But Yellowjackets" fans love to describe Misty in the most judgemental, prescriptive terms, seemingly unable to talk about the character's complexities without diagnosing her. Is she a sociopath? A psychopath? Something else entirely? It's not my place to say, but I do know this: she's an odd duck.

In the latest episode of "Yellowjackets," she's also just a scared girl who's grieving. Misty has never been more relatable to me than when she stood at the edge of the cliff, sobbing to Coach Ben (Steven Krueger) not to jump because she's lost so much already. Of course, this is Misty Quigley we're talking about here, so before she gets honest about her own state of mind she takes a manipulative, ethically heinous route by threatening to smear, out, and even eat Ben if he dies. She's nothing if not consistent in her chaos. After that tactic doesn't work, though, the girl forgets about strategy, and her emotions run out in a torrent.

Misty talks Coach Ben off a ledge

"I tried so hard," Misty says, half-yelling in a rush of fear and distress. "I swear to God. I tried so hard to keep the baby alive." She begs Ben not to jump, pleading in a short monologue that feels a bit like her "Steel Magnolias" speech turned real. "Please, Ben," she concludes. "I can't have another death on my hands." It's a rare moment during which Misty seems both entirely empathetic and entirely honest. Moments ago, when she was telling Ben his life is precious, it felt more like the Misty we see most of the time, pretending to say what she thinks she should be saying. Here, she's just letting it all out, and it turns out she's been walloped by cumulative grief.

That's the part of Misty's emotional moment that I found surprisingly relatable, and it's also a topic I'm surprised and impressed to see "Yellowjackets" explore. Cumulative grief is a term for the type of grief a person experiences when they're dealt multiple losses at once, or in quick succession. I experienced it when I lost three relatives in just a few months in 2020, including two just days apart. Cumulative grief is heavy and strange; it's difficult to describe to other people, because it feels so much more existentially threatening than typical grief.

Cumulative grief is real, and it's the worst

If one person dies, they can be mourned. When multiple people die in succession, their loved ones have to mourn their entire worldview. My grief in 2020 felt isolating as I began to feel that life was disturbingly temporary and death upsettingly certain — if not constant. So much personal loss can create a psychological and philosophical shift that's hard to bear. I lost a fourth loved one within a year of the other three losses, and while the circumstances were entirely out of my control, if I could have pleaded with someone to keep that friend alive, I would have in a heartbeat. Three years later, I'm okay, but there was a time when I worried I might not be.

The existential weight of this loss seems to be what Misty's getting at when she screams to Ben that he shouldn't jump. She's already lost Kristen (Nuha Jes Izman), which in many ways was her own fault, but was still a traumatic loss that she's just begun to process. Now, it becomes clear that she blames the death of Shauna's baby on herself, a heartbreaking burden to bear and a rare (if misguided, because the baby's death wasn't her fault) moment of accountability from someone who's not known for it. If a third person dies in front of Misty, it'll be more than she can take, and that's what finally makes Ben step back.

Now we understand why Misty grows up to be so protective

"Yellowjackets" makes it easy to pick on Misty (this show is full of murderers and cannibals, but she gets ostracized as the socially awkward murderer-cannibal), and she's certainly been making questionable decisions from the moment we met her. This is in no way, shape, or form a girlboss moment. Yet it does feel like an important point of connection between teen Misty and her adult counterpart (Christina Ricci), who is determined to keep all the fellow Yellowjackets safe under her watchful eye. She's bonded to the team, not because they love her but because decades ago, her own well-being became entangled with theirs.

Of course, trying to talk Ben down in the first place is its own loaded decision, as is his initial request that she push him. The scene's ending doesn't possess any sense of relief or catharsis; it merely feels like Ben lost his resolve for the time being. The wilderness plot of "Yellowjackets" is increasingly bleak, to the point that Misty saving Ben's life doesn't feel like a win, especially when there will surely still be more loss to come. Still, it does feel like Misty at her most sympathetic, and with Hanratty putting as much heart into the scene as she did with her movie monologue a few episodes earlier, it's not a moment we'll soon forget.

[theringers]

hard work - mick schumacher

summary: you spent your entire day studying and you need some help winding down at the end of the day

a/n: hi, hope y’all enjoy this. i woke up thinking about it and couldn’t stop so i wrote it down. as always feedback is very much appreciated :)

also this is unedited will fix later thx besties

warnings: 18+, NSFW, smut, fingering, unprotected sex

Mick was propped up on the bed, casually scrolling through Netflix to figure out what to watch next.

Lucky him, you thought as you dropped your head into your textbook for the millionth time that day. It was almost 6pm and you hadn’t left your office. Only to use the bathroom and to get a little bit of food.

Finals were brutal and this year was no different. You had four cumulative exams coming up in the next week and your boyfriend decided that this weekend would be good to visit. “I’ll help you study,” “We can work together” yeah right.

He was watching tv and minding his own business, which you appreciated. No distractions.

He was very distracting as is, so you were glad he was making an active effort to stay out of your way.

You read over the formulas again and your temples strained, having trouble even remembering the easiest of formulas. You were overworking yourself. Sometimes you can hit a point where more studying just won’t help, it’ll only hurt and frustrate you.

Mick had been asking you to take a break all day but you refused, needing to stay in the right headspace to focus.

A smirk was plastered on his face when you walked into the room, excited that you were finally settling down. You plopped on the end of the bed. “I’m exhausted. Everything hurts. Fuck this,” you said. It was your typical reaction to studying. You loved what you were studying but reviewing anything this much could make you hate it.

“Oh, darling.” He said, smiling at you and holding his arms out. He looked so sweet, cuddled up under your fuzzy blankets with a big sweatshirt on. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you said, trying to hide your appreciation. You slowly made your way to Mick and sat next to him, legs hanging off the bed. You patted your hand on his blanket covered thigh, groaning.

“You look stressed,” he said. “Come here.” He pulled the blanket off and patted the space between his legs. Being in his arms sounded like a dream right now. You scooted towards him, sitting between his legs with your back flat against his chest. He squeezed his arms around you in a hug. “You’ve done so much work today and I’m so proud of you.” You smiled at his words even though he couldn’t see your face. “You deserve to take a break.” He tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, exposing your neck to him where he placed a soft kiss. You leaned your body into his, feeling a sense of relief and relaxation. It was crazy how fast he could change your mood. “I’m so lucky to have such a beautiful, intelligent woman,” he whispered in your ear.

You wanted to mess with him and crack a few jokes but you had no energy left to fake fight with him. His fingers drew a trail down your arm leaving goosebumps in its path. A chill ran through your body.

You could feel his hot breath still against your neck making your head fall onto one of his shoulders. His finger followed the trail it just made back up your body and the muscles in your stomach tightened when it grazed your collarbone. It was one of your most sensitive spots.

He moved his finger at an agonizingly slow pace, driving you insane.

He dipped his finger in the valley of your breasts and you looked down to see him take one in his hand. Lucky for him, studying all day means no bra needed.

You let out a soft moan as he kneaded your chest, getting rougher by the moment.

His other hand snaked it’s way around your body and dipped into your sweatpants, teasing your cloth covered entrance. “Oh, Mick,” you said, shifting your body when he placed the slightest touch on your center.

“You need to relax, darling.” His soft voice said into your ear. You knew he was right. He wanted to make you feel good but he was teasing you. Your desire for him was winding you up more than it was settling you down.

You inhaled in and let Mick have complete control. Your body settled comfortably into his and you were putty in his hands, literally. He held you securely with one hand groping your tits and the other down your sweatpants. “Focus on the TV, pretend I’m not here.” He said. “I want to make you feel good. You worked hard.”

You rested your body onto his as he played with your clit. His fingers went in circles, sometimes venturing off course to explore the rest of you. If he felt you tense up, he would give your clit a light smack to remind you to calm down.

Your body felt ice cold and on fire at the same time.

He nudged your thighs apart and you let your knees fall to the sides opening you up for him. He continued to leave kisses all over your neck and shoulder while his finger slid between your folds.

You were dripping wet and he was surprised. He knew how to turn you on but it had only been a few moments. “Were you thinking about me today?” He asked in your ear.

“Yes,” you said, keeping your voice low.

“What were you thinking about?” He asked as he let one finger slide inside your core.

Your hips bucked at the full sensation but his other hand held your body down.

What didn’t you think about today? Any time you couldn’t focus your mind wandered to your boyfriend. His body. His hands. His mouth, his tongue. All of it all over you and you wanted it so desperately.

“You fucking me. Hard.” You wanted to keep it vague. You wanted to be surprised to see what he has up his sleeve and not give him any ideas. He groaned in your ear.

You lifted the blanket and watched as his finger pumped in and out of you, the muscles and veins in his wrist and forearm prominent. Your focus was on his middle finger as you patiently waited for him to push it inside of you. He knew what he was doing so you were going to let him be in control, but god did you want to feel him so bad.

“You look so hot like this, darling. Completely under my control. Just let go,” he said.

You took your eyes off of his hands and looked up at the TV. Your mind focused on the pleasure he was bringing you. He took this as the perfect opportunity to let his second finger inside of you, catching you off guard. You twitched once again and moaned, wanting to be filled up all the way with him. It felt amazing but it wasn’t enough.

“Baby, I need you to fuck me,” you whispered.

His fingers began to pump harder. “What was that?” He asked seductively, his mouth lingering near your ear longer than you would have liked. “I didn’t hear you. I’m going to need you to say it again.”

You huffed out of annoyance. You needed relief and he was just having fun. “I need you to fuck me. Right now.” You felt his thumb inch closer to your clit and start rubbing in sync with the movement of his other fingers.

“I’m going to need you to say that one more time.” You felt him begin to get hard against your back and you knew that he would give in soon.

You rolled your eyes and you knew he was smirking behind you. “I need you so badly. I need you to fuck me senseless.” You raised your voice this time. He removed his fingers and slid down your sweatpants. You kicked them off and repositioned yourself so you were on his lap, facing him with your knees on either side of him. You looked at his eyes and smiled. He returned the grin and you looked at each other for just a brief moment. He lifted you up and pulled his own sweatpants off, giving you the opportunity to grind into his hard cock. A soft whimper escaped his lips and you knew he was ready. No more teasing.

He gripped your ass, lifted you up, and lined his cock up with your entrance. He teased you, pushing his tip into your clit before you inched down on him, feeling him fill you completely. The feeling you had been chasing this whole time.

You rocked your hips back and forth with your arms around his neck for support. He guided your hips back and forth and let his hands run all over your sides.

Your head fell back and your eyes were met with the white ceiling. Your back was arched and your hair fell all the way down to the bed.

“Holy shit, you look so incredibly beautiful right now.” He watched you lose yourself in the moment, in the feeling, in the motion of your hips, the collision with his. He reveled in your beauty and still couldn’t believe what you were doing right now.

He continued to bounce your hips, hitting the perfect spot to have you crying out in pleasure. Your pussy tightened around him, letting him know you were about to cum. He pulled you in closer to him and held you as you rode out your high in his arms. His arms held your back tightly as he kissed your bouncing tits. The only sounds that could be heard were moans and expletives as you both finished.

“I love you so much, darling.” He said, kissing your lips.

“I love you too,” you said, rolling off of him and onto the other side of the bed. He stood up to clean himself off and returned with a towel for you and a glass of water. He was met with you, passed out as soon as your head hit the pillow.

[camuslittlesister]

All the Okita in Otome, ranked. Or not.

I had a bit of a hiatus while dealing with real life and shit, but I finally got around to playing all the games I know have been translated into English. Here’s the ultimate ranking of all the variations of my otome husbando.

Destined to Love (Cybird)

Please please please can you pull this app and redo it as Ikémen Bakumatsu with Yamada doing the art? I cannot deal with Okita, Sōji Okita of the Shinsengumi, whose swordmanship is nothing short of legendary, looking like some edgy marshmallow. C’mon, guys. You’re taking all sorts of liberties with history already, why stop there and not make him look the part? Just make Hijikata even hotter, everything will be fine.

Era of Samurai: Code of Love (Voltage)

Still one of my favourites even after venturing into the realm of premium games, although he looks too much like Leon for my liking (I guess that’s what you get with Voltage and also a byproduct of my refusal to even contemplate ever liking that lion even though, like for Iori in SITS, I clearly do and I just refuse to admit it, although I did exactly that a moment ago). His modern AU stereotypical indie kid version is everything. It’s like they made him for me.

Hakuoki (Otomate/Idea Factory)

Why do I love this Morikubo-voiced jerk more than my actual life? I have many questions to ask of myself and I don't even know if I really want to know the answers, but I have spent about £50 so he can be on my wall alongside another less jerky Morikubo character in what is slowly and not deliberately turning into a shrine to the man himself since his characters dominate my merch purchases. (Author’s note: This post has been a cumulative draft over a year or so, and I wrote this pre-Piofiore. It’s only gone worse since)

Hakuoki Sweet School Life

The god of chaos and love of my life. That’s it.

The Amazing Shinsengumi

Side note, what is it with games making Harada the hot one? Also let me romance this Hijikata please and thank you.

He’s hella cute and double-faced, which I tend to like, but also he appears to go through every trope I don’t like in the span of a conversation. 6/10, although solid 10 for looks. In fact, make it 20/10. Top 3 for looks with Voltage and Hakuoki.

Ninja Shadow

I keep forgetting that I did play this Okita (and it was my first while at that...) but even with that dream ponytail it’s not the greatest version. He’s a jokester, which is fun, and he hides a big dollop of angst as it’s right and just, but he was a bit OTT with the humour and it’s a strange storyline that does him a disservice.

Bakumatsu Renka Shinsengumi

If he doesn’t threaten to kill you is he even Okita? I’m living for that one CG that looks like he is Kondō and Hijikata’s kid, but aside from it being probably the most historically accurate of the otome portrayals (at least in localised games) he started off a bit of a disappointment for the same reason as Destined to Love. He was also not helped by the fact that Shinpachi has a brain, Sakamoto and Yamazaki exist and (omg, can’t believe I’m saying this) Hijikata and that line about loving his woman in Sanan’s route. However, when actually playing his scenes etc, he grew on me. I would happily go raise cats and babies with him like I would with his Hakuoki and Era of Samurai incarnations.

Dateless Love

I have questions. Why is this version Iba’s lovechild with Saito?

Why is he like Gin in Ayakashi Gohan if he was a soldier? Don’t get me wrong, I’m a major sucker for lovely characters going full on deadly from a moment to the next, so I’m digging it, I’m just extremely disoriented because Voltage is my canon Okita personality (Hakuoki took that and turned it up a notch and ruined my life in the process) and every deviation I’m like “new number who dis?”

It took him 10 chapters to show a hint of the teasing we all know and love. TEN. Out of like 15. I have had three kids with Tokugawa by now (and I don’t even do blondes. Except Ayumu. And best boy. And omg I’m still in the Kiro phase but also could be a Helios phase soooo 🫣 okay, fine, I do blondes). It was really cute tho and I watched him die in the good ending which is a plus.

[true-blue-megamind]

FAN THEORY THURSDAY – Why Did Metroman Retire?

Happy Almost-Friday, everyone! And even though Minion threatens to smother everything he cooks in old Limburger cheese each time I say it: SPOILER WARNING!

Yes, I know, it’s three a.m. and it’s technically Friday, but I’m still calling this Thursday night, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Okay, let’s be honest, Metroman is a character who seems, on the surface, to require little explanation in the film Megamind. He’s only present in the beginning and end, and we spend half the movie believing he’s dead, and we learn that Metroman has done something almost unheard of among superheroes: he’s chosen to retire. The question is: why? There is a tendency to think that he's simply a spoiled rich boy who, (in his social life, at least,) does what he wants without regard for others, but is that really fair? Or could there be other possible reasons? Well, let’s take a look at a few fan theories that may explain why he chose to abandon heroism for a music career.

Metroman Didn’t Want to Be a Hero

Although he’s clearly based on—and perhaps even poking a little fun at—the Man of Steel, Metroman was no Superman. (I mean, okay, he was technically a super-man, since he had strength, speed, and powers far beyond what a human would possess.) Except, here’s the thing: he’s not a carbon copy of the Man of Steel; Metroman and Superman have completely different lives and personalities. This remains true despite the fact that they share a similar origin—that of being aliens from a dead planet—and identical powers—including laser-vision and flight. Even their code names are comparable. However, if we look deeper, it becomes obvious that Metroman and Superman are two very different characters.

Superman is all about being an upstanding hero. Although he can be annoyingly persnickety, and sometimes displays nearly oppressively unyielding strictures about right and wrong, one thing you can say about the Man of Steel is that he’s generally integral. He is exactly what his public image portrays him to be: a Good Guy through and through. The same isn’t true of Metroman, and in some ways that makes him a more complex and interesting character.

The childhoods of the two heroes are extremely different. As I’ve mentioned in Why Was Megamind Raised in Prison, when a boy, Metroman was a bully, not only making young Megamind an outsider and the object of everything from teasing to physical attacks, but also inspiring other students to do the same. Superman, on the other hand, far from being a bully was bullied by Pete Ross. Rather than using his powers against others, he was too responsible and good-hearted to use them even against Pete Ross. Metroman is adopted by super-wealthy parents, and is essentially a trust-fund baby, while Superman was adopted by a farm family. He grows up with a good work ethic and hometown values. Indeed, this economic discrepancy continues into adulthood. As far as we can tell, Metroman doesn’t need to work and has no job outside being a superhero. Superman, conversely, has to earn a living as a journalist. Finally, in the majority of comics, Superman avoids most public appearances, unless he feels they serve some beneficial social purpose. Indeed, he goes to great lengths to keep his identity a secret and avoid the public eye as much as possible. The first time we see Metroman in the film, however, he is basking in a crowd’s adoration at the dedication of a museum in his honor. Indeed, in the original script, then called Mastermind, Metroman’s real identity seems to be widely known. (In case you’re wondering, this is where the name Wayne Smith, commonly used in the fandom, originates from.) So, we see that these character are actually very different: one is a hero strictly for the greater good, and the other, while he certainly does a lot of good things, is also in it for the fame.

This may seem like I’m being harsh toward poor Wayne Smith, but his flaws do not, in fact, make him a bad person. The issue is that we’re comparing him to Superman who, while still certainly imperfect, is intended to be a better-than-average person in every way, including moral. Make no mistake, Metro City’s former hero isn’t any sort of villain; what he is is normal. If we’re honest, most of us would be pleased by wide-spread accolades and honors. He reacts to positive fame the same way nearly anyone would because, at his heart, he’s really just a typical guy. That is the material point: Wayne Smith really only wants to be an average citizen—a music star, perhaps, but still a relatively ordinary person. In that way, he and Megamind are alike: they both desire, more than nearly anything else, to be normal. The key difference is that Megamind’s sincere and driving concern for his city also makes him ideal for becoming a hero. (You can learn more about this particular fan theory in The Warden and in Megamind and Identity.)

So, why did Wayne Smith become a Defender in the first place, then? Again, I’ve briefly touched on this in previous posts, but it appears likely that Metroman was pushed into heroism just as much as Megamind was pushed into supervillainy. Because he was a bully with superpowers, it’s likely that adults around him realized something had to be done about Wayne. Otherwise he was a danger. So, they constructed an environment—the Li’l Gifted School—where he could be conditioned to seek the praise of others as well as to fight Megamind, who had been singled out as his future nemesis. (In fact, that conditioning is probably why he opted for a career that would put him on stage, aside from a probable love of music.)

Because the path chosen for Megamind involved more hardships and pain, it’s easy to forget that Metroman was in essentially the exact same plight. However, the fact remains that these were both children, and they were both being coerced into perceived destinies they didn’t want. Neither of them were given a choice and, in the end, both of them cast off the expectations pressed upon them to become the people they really wanted to be. The difference is that, because of our natural biases, Megamind’s rise to Defender of Metro City seems more noteworthy than Metroman’s step into Mr. Average Joe. The truth, however, is that both characters were basically doing the same thing: being true to themselves.

Metroman May Have Had Health Concerns

We know Megamind and Metroman are close to the same age—although the latter appears to be about a year rather than days old when he lands on Earth—but what that age is is open to supposition. We know, however, that they are almost certainly in their thirties, probably in their mid- to late-thirties. (Take a look at How Old is Megamind for more information about that.) However, we can see that Wayne is already going gray around the temples. Of course, some people’s genetics simply cause them to go gray earlier, and that’s certainly a possibility, but one fan theory suggest there may be more going on. The idea has been put forward that Wayne’s super-speed may be having an adverse effect on him, forcing his body to work overtime to keep up. The resulting physical stress could be making him age prematurely.

That’s not the only factor to consider. As hard as heroism may have been on his body, the effects on Metroman’s mind would have been even greater. Before the events in the movie, Metro City’s authorities—and, indeed, all its citizens—became too reliant upon their superhuman hero, and as a result that hero was run ragged. That isn’t a mere hypothesis. A scene that was storyboarded but never included in the final film makes Metroman’s plight perfectly clear. We see him being called from one end of the city to the other for everything from a massive explosion to an old lady needing help opening a jar. Keep in mind that, when hearing a cry for assistance, the hero would likely be unable to tell who truly needed him urgently and who was simply making unnecessary demands, thus he would have to rush to every call he heard. Even the city’s law enforcement seems to take him for granted, refusing to take criminals he just hand-delivered to jail because they’re on lunch break. The cumulative effect is that Metroman looks nearly frantic with stress.

This is important because, aside from the obvious mental and emotional concerns, this sort of stress accelerates aging as well. According to an article in the Huffington Post, when glycation and telomere shortening, as well as the over-oxidation, are caused by enduring heightened stress for prolonged periods of time, it can result not only in graying hair and premature wrinkles, but heart trouble as well. Even the memory can be affected, as one study by the University of Wisconsin found that stress can age a person’s brain up to four years faster than normal, and contribute to cognitive problems later in life. (The study was part of a presentation—you have no idea how badly I wanted to write that word in all-caps—and is thus currently unpublished, but information about it can be found in an article from Over Sixty.)

Metroman Retired for the Good of Everybody

As you can see, in a strange way, having a super-powered Defender was actually crippling Metro City. In fact, it may be truly damaging to the local infrastructure and official organizations. Youtuber Olaf Scholtens, in his video Megamind: Power and Identity, uses the metaphor of an airplane manufacturer to explain what’s going on. (If you’ve read my own post Megamind and Identity, you’ve seen this before.) Engineers and factories put a lot of effort and expense into making certain aircraft are as safe as possible, but what would happen if they felt they could confidently assume a superhero would simply catch any plane that crashed, saving everyone on board? Safety standards would probably become far more lax, and people might be in far more danger as a result. Given the way that nearly everyone in Metro City seems to assume Metroman will always save the day, it’s possible that, within the urban area, the same thing could be happening with things like building code enforcement, large construction projects, and even public safety measures. Bridges might not be properly built, fire hazards might not be addressed, and, given the blasé attitudes of the cops in the storyboard, law enforcement officers might not even be bothering to keep an eye on things. By retiring, Metroman forced the city to become more self-sufficient again.

That, however, may not have been the only problem Metroman was trying to solve. Remember the whole discussion about the former Defender’s school boy bullying and the apparent conspiracy to turn one boy into a hero and the other into a supervillain? It’s possible Wayne may have felt remorse for the former and found out about the latter. Having battled Megamind so much in the past, he also may have realized that the blue man never actually hurt anyone, and in fact went out of his way to stage their confrontations in abandoned places. (Again, you can read more about that in both Megamind and Identity and The Warden.) It may be that Metroman real “brilliant plan” wasn’t simply to fake his death, but in doing so to prod Megamind into becoming a hero and thus accepted by society.

There is an alternative theory, put forward in a Reddit post, that Megamind and Metroman’s parents may have known one another, and may have sent both children to Earth with the intention of them becoming a dynamic duo, fighting evil together with Megamind as the brains and Metroman as the brawn. This could have been what Megamind’s father meant when he told his son: “You are destined for greatness.” While there is very little support for this in the movie, it would explain why, in the vast cosmos, both of the young survivors were sent not only to the same planet, but even to the same city.

Whatever the reason may have been, one thing is certain: there certainly is some evidence that Metroman intended his one-time nemesis to become a hero. One of his lines, after Roxanne and Megamind discover he’s still alive, supports this. You know the one. “If there’s bad, good will rise up against it. It’s taken me a long time to find my calling; now it’s time you find yours.” Then, of course, there is another line, when Music Man is watching his former enemy take the role of Defender of Metro City: “way to go, Little Buddy. I knew you had it in you.”

If Metroman really did purposefully help Megamind step into heroism, that could also explain why he didn’t stop Megamind from taking over the city—perhaps he trusted the blue man not to harm anyone and to eventually come to his senses—as well as why he refuses to overtly help defeat Titan. He does, however, clearly subtly assist Megamind, as the latter almost certainly went back to Wayne’s hideout to scan his appearance and voice into the holowatch. All of this together makes it seem quite plausible that Metroman not only wanted to retire, but also wanted the blue man to take his place.

Megamind and Metroman by White-Night-56 on Deviant Art

Maybe this means that, now that Megamind is the Defender of Metro City, he and Music Man occasionally get together to commiserate over the more difficult aspects of being a superhero and joke about the old days.

It’s also quite possible that all of these fan theories could be true. The film Megamind is, among other things, surprisingly subtle, complex, and subversive for an animated movie. Every time I dive deep into some aspect or other of the plot, I am once again impressed by the amount of thought and detail that went into this work. No wonder Megamind—and its characters—have so many dedicated fans.

[gra-sonas]

"We're all tired of waiting, and just throwing us a bone with two consecutive episodes of them interacting won't quite cut it."

You said it! If this is supposed to be a love story over a decade in the making, they shouldn't have to be "throwing fans a bone" by allowing the two of them to even interact. This is THE love story for a main character and it's disappointing that fans are having to beg for scraps, and even that is only the fans that follow the actors that are keeping the hope alive. I doubt anyone who hasn't seen Valmis in head-to-toe Malex gear talking about how in love they are even has a clue the two of them might still be a thing.

I doubt anyone who hasn't seen Valmis in head-to-toe Malex gear talking about how in love they are even has a clue the two of them might still be a thing.

Yeah, and even fans who have seen him in head-to-toe Malex gear for an entire hiatus are struggling to stay positive.

I think it's a real problem, that TPTB don't understand how damn insecure we are about the whole thing, how little faith in showrunners, in general, we actually have, and that trust in them doing right by us doesn't come naturally after watching a million other shows handling queer ships rather badly. We don't come from a place of confidence and certainty. We're always in free fall, not knowing whether we'll ever get what we want.

All the vague teasing and maybes they think are cool and a way to advertise the show - that's NOT exciting to us, it's a terrifying reminder of how wrong it can all go in a heartbeat, bc it happened so many times before. Queer ships and fans of queer ships are rarely treated well, a "maybe" way too often turned into "LOL, you wish".

I keep repeating myself, but Wynonna Earp and Schitt's Creek are the only shows I can think of, where WE showrunner Emily Andras and SC showrunner Dan Levy kept reassuring fans in pretty much every interview, that fans didn't need to be afraid, and that the queer ships would definitely get their HEA.

That knowledge and the constant reassurance made all the ups and downs those ships went through so much more enjoyable to watch bc it was always clear, that they would end up together, and be happy.

As a shipper of several queer ships over the years, I've never had the luxury of that kind of assurance before. All I've known is either

no canon queer ships in most shows

tons of queerbaiting without actually making fan-favorite queer ships happen

when there were canon queer ships, they were often treated badly, didn't get a HEA, characters were killed off, and so on

So, most of us really don't come from a place of trust. We're used to only ever getting crumbs, being treated like we're weird [for shipping characters that are not together in canon, especially when the characters are supposedly straight], and not getting what we so desperately want (and yet keep begging for).

With RNM, we were rather well-fed from the pilot up to ep 1x06 - we got so much amazing Malex content, an abundance of beautiful scenes and backstory, and even after M/M got set up in 1x09, most of S1 still delivered mostly beautiful Malex content.

S2 still had some good Malex scenes, overall, the season didn't exactly bolster our confidence tho. On the contrary, several times we got the reminder (in canon), that our ship was just too painful, too difficult to handle, that there were too many bad memories associated with it, and so on. The m/f relationship on the other hand was hailed as "easy" and exactly what Michael needed. And the season ended with Alex singing a love song about (and for) Michael, Michael walking out on him, and Alex kissing someone else.

The change of showrunners after S2 gave us a little boost in being hopeful, after all, Chris is the romantic one, the writer who'd provided us with some of our favorite Malex scenes, right?

So, when he asked us to trust him, many of us did. Some more willingly than others, but ultimately, I think many of us did trust him. Most of us probably still do, but man, we're now 7 episodes (that's more than half of the season) into S3, and all we got is 2 Malex scenes, cumulating to roughly 5 minutes of shared screentime.

Excuse us if that doesn't scream "trust us to do right by them" to us...

What we got in 3x07, was yet another reminder, that yes, the entire town of Roswell knows about Alex and Michael. Har, har, so funny...

I hope this is the last time this "joke" is used, the teasing isn't really fun anymore. There's only so much "so, you're in love with Michael" and "I've always known about you and Alex" we can take without them being in scenes together. All this "foreshadowing" and teasing has to lead to something solid going forward.

I believe the show will do that, but man, part of me desperately hopes I'm not wrong, and that all the trust I've put into Chris and the show for over a year, will pay off, starting next week.

Anyway, that's one more Malex-less episode out of the way, next episode's going to be a good one!

It's (finally) time for Malex, baby!

[livia-dovehallow]

all I need - Wessa/Gabrily

some basic fluff for all my kind anons who have wondered where I disappeared to <3

Ship: Wessa, Gabrily

Characters: Will Herondale, Tessa Gray-Herondale, Cecily Herondale-Lightwood, Gabriel Lightwood, Jessamine Lovelace, Anna Lightwood, James Herondale, Lucie Herondale, Christopher Lightwood

Time: November 1887 || London

“Will.”

Will Herondale woke slightly, one eye lazily gazing around the room. When he saw no one but Tessa sound asleep beside him, he closed his eyes again.

“Will.”

He did not stir.

“William Herondale!”

Will started and shot up. Tessa did not move beside him. He was grateful he had gone to bed fully clothed that evening, for the ghost of Jessamine Lovelace hovered at the foot of his bed with an annoyed expression. “What on earth are you doing in my bedroom, Jessamine?” Will asked in an irritated voice.

She did not react to his fatigued-state of annoyance. “It concerns the children, Will. Would you rather I not disturb you?”

This brought Will to full alertness. “The children?” he asked, suddenly serious. “What about the children?”

Jessamine gestured to the large window in the room. “It’s terribly freezing outside and it has started to lower the temperature inside the Institute. The children have started to shiver.”

Will was out of bed in seconds, scrambling to put his robe and shoes on. “Tessa,” he said urgently. She groaned but did not wake. “Tessa, love, wake up. It’s Jamie and Lucie.”

Tessa sat up and swung her legs out of bed. She began reaching for her own robe. “What? What’s happened?”

Will breathed and grew more urgent at the sight of his own breath in the chill air. “Jessamine’s warned me of a cold-front outside. The children are starting to freeze. We need to bring them to the family room fire. And wake my sister as well.”

.

.

Down the hall, Cecily slept uncomfortably. Something had nagged her the night before as she tried to sleep. A sense of worry and urgency she could not put her finger on. She’d ventured out of bed several times to check on her children only to find them safe and sound in their nursery, peacefully asleep. It was only after the fourth time that Gabriel all but commanded her to stay in bed and had locked her in with his arms.

This didn’t ease her mind. Her sleep was fitful while Gabriel snored quietly beside her. Cecily tried to sleep to the sound of his heart beating in his chest as it had always comforted her when she could not sleep, but it was useless. She’d gotten a cumulative two hours of sleep when she heard a door slam open elsewhere in the Institute.

“Gabriel,” she said, shaking him by his shoulder. He hummed in response. “Gabriel, I think something’s happened.”

“What—” he began in his fatigued state, but was interrupted by urgent knocking on their bedroom door.

“Cecy!” It was Will. “Come quickly. The Institute is freezing and Jessamine’s warned me of the children.”

Gabriel was awake now, following Cecily out of bed and hurrying to dress. She could feel the chill air across her skin. Of course, her and Gabriel could wear runes to keep them warm, but their children were much too small to be given runes. “I told you something was wrong,” she said to her husband. She looked at him, worry growing in her chest.

He looked back at her with an expression that Cecily had come to call his “Family Face,” an expression of worry, protectiveness, and affection in one that he saved for her and their children only. “Mother’s intuition is a frightening power,” he said simply before rushing across the room to take her hand and hurry out of their bedroom.

Thankfully, Cecily had chosen to keep their nursery close by. Only a couple doors down on the opposite side of the corridor was where Anna and Christopher slept. Gabriel, with his longer legs and stride, got to the nursery first and threw open the door. In the nursery was an even more frigid air, sending shivers through Cecily’s body. Without needing to speak, her and Gabriel split. She went to Christopher, who was only just under two months old, and lifted him from his cradle. Across the room, Gabriel went to Anna and lifted her from her children’s bed, gathering the blankets as he went.

In Cecily’s arms, little Kit was breathing fast, his lips pale. Her heart jumped in her chest while she fret over him, gathering every coat and blanket she could find in arm’s reach. “I’ve got you, my sweet boy,” she said to Christopher, whose small head lay against her chest.

“Anna is all right,” Gabriel said at her side. She glanced up to find their daughter bundled up in layers of blankets in his arms, doubling her small size. “I’ve just seen Will and Tessa take James and Lucie toward the family room. I suppose that’s where they’ve built the fire.”

Cecily nodded and followed him out of the nursery toward the family room.

.

.

In the nook of the family room, where the largest fireplace in the Institute lay, Will organized the furniture and pillows in a fashion that allowed for the family to sit near the fire comfortably. James had been awake when Will went to him, seconds from crying, and little Lucie was shivering terribly.

“Here,” Will said gently to Tessa, who held both children in her arms as he built the fire. “Bring them closer. Has Lulu stopped shivering?”

Tessa looked down. They’d wrapped Lucie in several layers to the point where her small face was all you could see. James had even given her his favorite spoon, believing somehow it would keep her warm. “I think so,” Tessa answered. “But she’s still quite cold, I’d bet. She’s so small.”

Will nodded and added more kindling to the fire before returning to his family. He sat beside them near the fire and lifted James from Tessa’s lap into his own. “Are you cold?” he asked her again, after several failed attempts at receiving an answer prior. He’d been able to place a warming rune to himself in order to pass body heat to his son, but Tessa could not bear runes.

“I am fine,” she answered, her attention still on Lucie. “James and Lucie are more important.”

Will opened his mouth to argue that she was important, too, when his sister and her family came hurrying into the room. Cecily had Christopher cradled to her chest while Gabriel had Anna in what looked like the most massive child-burrito he’d ever seen. He met his sister’s eyes. “Are Jamie and Luce all right?” she asked him.

Will nodded. “They’re all right,” he assured her. “Lucie was a bit worse off than Jamie, but she’s is doing better now with the fire.” He shot his brother-in-law an amused glance. “I take it Anna is warm as a snug bun.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes. “I panicked, okay?”

Cecily stepped forward and lowered herself near the fire. “Christopher was shivering as well,” she said, peering through the bundled blankets in her grasp. “I am sure it is just because he is still a baby, like Lucie.”

Tessa breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness they’re all okay,” she said and her shoulders visibly relaxed. “I was so worried about them all.”

Will adjusted his son in his lap and glanced about the room. He still hadn’t gotten used to seeing their little family surrounded by little ones, despite the fact that Anna had just turned three. Seeing his little sister with a toddler and an infant with Gabriel reminded him of just how far they had come. Truthfully, he never thought he’d have the opportunity to be an uncle, let alone a father. And now he was both.

“Will,” Tessa whispered. “Will you give Jamie one of the smaller pillows? He struggles to sleep well if he isn’t holding something.”

Will grabbed one of the smaller sofa decorative pillows and carefully tucked it into his son’s arms. James immediately hugged it close and relaxed in his father’s arms, his head neatly tucked into the crook between Will’s neck and shoulder. “We’re going to be here a while,” he replied to his wife. “Get some sleep, Tess. We’ll take turns watching the children.”

He did not have to tell her twice. Tessa dropped her head on his other shoulder and closed her eyes. 

.

.

Across the room, Cecily made herself comfortable in Gabriel’s embrace, with Christopher still carefully tucked in her arms and Anna sleeping away on Gabriel’s other shoulder.

Gabriel pressed his back against the solid oak table behind him. He tested it for strength before leaning fully against it in preparation for bundling up his family. His stele lay beside him, freshly used to apply warmth runes on himself and Cecily, hoping their own body heat could help keep their children warm through the night. “Are you sure?” Cecily asked, uncertain. “It doesn’t look stable or comfortable.”

“I don’t mind it,” he answered. The leg of the table did dig into his back a small bit, but it was a small price to pay for his family. He adjusted Anna so she was lower on his chest, enough to sit in his lap with her head still supported, and then turned to his wife with a cheeky smile. “C’mere,” he said with a gesture of his remaining free arm. “I’ll keep you warm.”

Cecily laughed and did as told, shifting her way between his legs to rest her back against the right side of his chest beside their daughter. His arm came down and wrapped around her tight, his forearm helping support Christopher’s weight. “I can handle holding a baby, bach,” she said with amusement.

“He is my son, too,” Gabriel retorted. “Am I not allowed to partially carry my son?”

He could feel Cecily roll her eyes but their banter was always affectionate. He knew that she knew he would always put them first. “I love you, too,” she chided before she leaned down to press a gentle kiss on Kit’s head. Then, she turned to face Anna, whose small nose was only a short distance from her own, and softly kissed her chubby cheek.

“Have I told you before that you are a fantastic mother?” Gabriel wondered aloud. Cecily craned her neck up to smile at him. “Truly, you are a natural.”

“You may have mentioned it once or twice,” she answered in feign modesty.

Gabriel quickly planted a kiss on her forehead. “There is no way I could have done this without you,” he added. “I would have made a terrible father if it weren’t you at my side.”

“I told you to stop saying that,” she scolded and returned to her relaxation against his chest with her eyes closed. “And besides, of course you couldn’t do this without me. You cannot physically bear children, Gabriel.”

“Well, there is that.”

He felt her slip her small hand into his and give a soft squeeze. “Forever and always,” she whispered, her voice laced with growing fatigue.

“Sleep,” he told her gently. “I’ll be here.”

She was snoring seconds later.

.

.

“Will,” Cecily said suddenly, alarmed. “Are you crying?”

He sniffed loudly and denied everything. “There is just something in my eye.”

Cecily rolled her eyes. “Yes, they’re called tears. Why do you look so somber? Are you not happy to have a niece?”

“Of course I’m happy,” Will answered immediately. He was gazing at her intently, amazed how much she looked like Cecily already and she was only hours old. “I’m thrilled. She’s perfect.”

“Then why do you look that way?”

Will smiled ruefully and let out a puff of air that only sounded vaguely like a laugh. “Because I never imagined I would ever get to be here, holding her.”

Cecily sat up in her bed beside him. “Whatever do you mean? Did you not think I would ever marry? Really, Will, I’m quite a catch.”

Will laughed, heartily this time. “That is not what I meant,” he answered. He looked up at his sister. “I just didn’t think I’d get to be an uncle. When I thought I’d never see you again.”

Cecily’s eyes softened. “You still would have been an uncle,” she said quietly. “You’re my brother. That makes you an uncle to any children I have.”

“You know what I meant, Cecy,” he said. He bounced his niece in his arms but his gaze remained with Cecily. “A real uncle. A present figure in their lives and not some abstract name or picture on the wall.”

Cecily’s face suddenly hardened. “Do you think Ella is just some abstract name or picture on the wall?”

Will’s heart stopped. “No. That is not at all what I think.”

“That is what you said.”

Will blinked at his little sister. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to say Ella isn’t Anna’s aunt.”

Cecily sighed and adjusted the blankets over her legs. “What matters is that you are here, Will,” she said quietly. “You are here and you are an uncle.”

“You’re right,” Will answered, looking back down at Anna asleep.

.

.

Anna woke up fussy.

From what Gabriel could tell, it was nearing three in the morning. For a grown Shadowhunter, three in the morning was not an unusual time to be awake. Gabriel had been on patrol plenty of nights into the early hours of the morning without any problem; but now, a father, he was struggling to keep his eyes open.

That is, until Anna stirred against his shoulder and began to fuss about being cold and then fuss about not being in her own bed. Gone were the days that Anna preferred to sleep in his arms, Gabriel sighed internally. “Snuggle in close,” he told her in a whisper. “I’ll keep you warm. I promise.”

“Okay, Papa,” Anna yawned before she lay her head back down on his chest, calm once more, and dozed off back to peaceful sleep.

Will chuckled at him across the room. Will had his own herd of children in his grasp, like Gabriel. Tessa sat across him, her legs thrown over his lap, while little Lucie lay asleep on her mother’s chest. James sat sideways in his father’s lap, facing his mother, his head nodded off on Will’s shoulder, their identical black curls side by side. “Your arm lost feeling yet?” Will asked.

“I lost feeling in all my extremities long ago,” Gabriel lamented.

Will smiled knowingly. “So have I,” he offered. “The things we do for them.”

Gabriel laughed. “Truly, Will, I never thought either of us would end up here. We got lucky.” He looked down at the three people who had bundled up to him for warmth and comfort. “We have our entire worlds sitting in our arms.”

Silence fell between them but it was not uneasy. Both of them were gazing at their little families, sleeping away the cold in their comfort. “I hate to admit it,” Will said, breaking the silence. “But I think you’re a pretty decent father, Lightwood.”

Gabriel shook his head, amused. “I’m glad you think so,” he retorted. “My biggest critic thinking I’m a good father is the best compliment.”

“I only criticize for my sister’s sake,” Will offered.

Cecily stirred in Gabriel’s arms, shifting his attention to her instead of his brother. “Leave him alone, Will,” she slurred, waking up slowly. “We’ve been married for five years.”

“Did we wake you?” Gabriel asked, concerned. There were bags beneath her eyes, yet he could not decide if they were from the cold-stricken sleep or from having two young children. If it was the latter, Gabriel did not want to know what his own eyes looked like.

“No,” Cecily answered. She sat up from his chest and shifted little Christopher onto her lap. She shook out her arms in a deep, long stretch. “It’s time to feed Kit. I work on a mother’s clock now, you know.”

.

.

There will possibly be a part two. Maybe. We’ll see. Enjoy! || @tsccreatorsnet

[thevalleyisjolly]

Thinking about alternate character classes lately, and I’m always thinking about A Crown of Candy at any given point in time, so without further ado, for your consideration:

Wizard!Theo, except that he’s the only wizard ever with a positive Strength modifier because that would be hilarious.  Wizard!Theo, who learned more from Lazuli than anyone knew, whose magic isn’t loud or flashy but spell notes hidden in a false prayer book, a soft glow on the tips of his paws and a muttered breath as one of the princesses falls from the top of the staircase again only to land on their feet, as softly as a feather.  In this world, he’s officially the royal tutor, because there are things that Caramelinda doesn’t know, but she does know what Lazuli taught him and she knows where his loyalties lie and she knows that one day, one day the spark she can see in Ruby’s eyes will need a teacher but will more importantly need a protector.  And to the princesses, to the rest of the court, to the world, he’s a slightly gullible, rather awkward tutor who stands on ceremony far too much, and they laugh at him and his silly little sprinkle pet and isn’t he a bit of a large goon?  Even Amethar forgets, every now and then, what he’s seen Theo do on a battlefield, to a battlefield, because as awkward as his social skills may be, Theo is committed to the part and he plays it well.  In any lifetime, in any world, Theo loves his people and he’ll do what he has to for them.

Bonus subclass: School of Abjuration obviously, this squishy gummy bear has one mission, and that’s to protect people.

Rogue!Lapin, because obviously.  Rogue!Lapin, who never summoned the Sugar Plum Fairy, who smiled and charmed and lied his way from the street to the service of a minor but respectable lord, and from there up and up the social strata until he is chamberlain to House Jawbreaker.  Duke Jawbreaker doesn’t bother much with him, but Spearia Mentha takes one look at Lapin, standing too straight and tall, the accent of the common mountain folk still seeping out at his edges, his eyes sharp and clever even when bowing and murmuring obedience, and she thinks “Hmm.”  And when her sweet baby has to go to Castle Candy as hostage, a safe and willing hostage, but a hostage nonetheless, she writes to dear sister Caramelinda and asks would it be alright if she sent someone from her own household, just to keep an eye on the boy, for her peace of mind as a mother?  Liam arrives at Castle Candy, sans pig, plus one very stuffy guardian, and Lapin Cadbury looks up at the towering spires and parapets of the castle, and a small, rare smile flashes across his face for just a second.

Bonus subclass: Mastermind is really the only way to go, isn’t it?

Sorcerer!Amethar, but listen, alright, my kingdom for Sorceror!Amethar who grows up with magic as rage flowing through his veins, whose wrath manifests not as bursts of concentrated battle fury, but in wild surges of strange and powerful magic.  There is magic in the blood and bones of House Rocks, an old and willful magic.  His sisters protected him, as much as they could, but still, there are whispers, more so once the young prince becomes the grieving king with the eyes of the world on him.  People mutter about the witch king of Candia, they say that he’s levelled armies with his sorcery, that he’s bewitched the Emperor Gustavo into friendship, that he’s dangerous and brings only death and destruction.  And it hurts, it does, not because he cares what other people think, but because they aren’t all wrong.  Look at him, the Unfallen, alive when so many have died.  It hurts that he has so much power singing in his blood, and he’s the one who’s powerless, who can’t be the protector, who must be the protected.  Why him?  Why not strong Rococoa, or brilliant Lazuli, or kind Citrina, or cunning Sapphria?  Why is he alive and not them, when he is the wildcard, the dangerous one, the last person who should be king?

Bonus subclass: I mean, it’s gotta be Wild Magic, no doubt about it.

Druid!Cumulous is another story that writes itself.  Druid!Cumulous still swears the same vows of dedication and protection to Candia’s magic, Candia’s secrets, and so Candia itself rises to acknowledge that.  It isn’t the red glow of the Hungry One that surrounds him when he fights, but the bright pink of the frosting sprites, the warm chocolate of the fudge brownies, the brilliant lemon-yellow of the river dragon’s scales, the slightest tint of sugar plum purple.  All spirits are fickle and unpredictable and dangerous, but they can recognize faith and they can appreciate service and they can reward what is freely given.  The Sugar Plum Fairy considers this one for a while.  She has no little pet bunny in this world, no servant to demand wishes from.  But fairies are jealous, too jealous.  Hearts and minds and souls, of course they should be hers, wholly hers, why wouldn’t they be, and for all the vastness of her realm, all her secrets and all her magic, there is something more to Candia than what is just in her.  So she lets this one be, and lays her trap for another prize, a bigger prize…

Bonus subclass: You could honestly make a good argument for Circle of the Shepherd or Circle of the Land, although Circle of the Moon is pretty great for more combat-focused war guys druids.

Warlock!Saccharina’s life is still a tragedy, because magic was only the most obvious thing that the nuns tried to beat out of her.  Warlock!Saccharina is not born with lightning in her fingers and a storm in her heart, but she is born with a strength and a will that the nuns despise.  In this world, Saccharina looks in the window, in the mirror, and she still sees a blue woman, a kind woman with a kind face, reaching out to her, comforting her when the nuns mistreat her, telling her wondrous stories and magical secrets.  In this world, the Rocks sisters, held in a false afterlife, stage a jailbreak.  Rococoa raises herself back to the living, cold with vengeance against the man who murdered her.  Citrina hitches up her skirts and hikes off to Vegetania, prepared to visit as many dreams and instigate as many supernatural miracles as she needs in order to reform the Church.  Sapphria laughs and winks and goes off to do something mysterious and terribly complex and probably very clever.  And Lazuli?  Lazuli goes to find her eldest niece, and to help her do something about the frankly terrible situation she’s in.  She is no spirit of the dead that a small exorcism by a provincial abbess can banish, but something new, something more.  And when Saccharina finally drowns the monastery, a grim smile on her face, it is with eyes and fingers that glow a brilliant, sharp blue.

Bonus subclass: Either Great Old One or Celestial, depending on how Lazuli fights her way back to the waking world.  Reaching out to the mortal world from the afterlife?  Probably Celestial.  Something strange and mysterious that’s never happened before in all of creation, and isn’t entirely comprehensible even to her?  Great Old One.

Barbarian!Jet grows up with so much rage inside her, but a rage for others, a fire for others.  It’s a rage that goes bone-deep, born of so much love and fear, because Jet Rocks may be sheltered and immature and naive, but one thing she does know, one of the earliest things she knows, is that the world is dangerous for people like Ruby, people like Pops, the world does not like people like Ruby and Pops, and as young as she is, she’s already heard how people whisper and seen how they point at Pops when his back is turned.  And if they found out about Ruby-  It’s a different rage that drives Barbarian!Jet, not a mindless battle frenzy, but love sharpened to the keenest focus, to protect, to guard.  In this world, and in every world, Jet Rocks loves her sister above all else, and will do anything to make sure she is safe.  Her parents worry, of course.  Caramelinda looks into her daughter’s eyes, sees hard steel and the heart of sacrifice, and she weeps when she looks into the mirror and sees the same, this is not the life she wanted for her.  Amethar understands.  He knows.  He knew the minute his daughters were placed into his arms for the first time, and the instinct to protect something so precious, precious beyond measure.  He just didn’t want his daughter to understand as well, not so soon, not so young.

Bonus subclass: Path of the Ancestral Guardian, I think, because Jet’s rage is rooted in and for her family.  Also, imagine the confusion and the angst the first time Jet summons past ancestors to fight with her in battle, and none of them include her aunts because they’re too busy raising hell elsewhere.

Bard!Ruby tumbles out of the cradle with a cheerful tongue and a clever mind, and Amethar has to stop himself from calling after Sapphria, because Ruby is so much like her, so nimble on her feet, so clever with her words.  But it’s Caramelinda that sees it first, how Ruby’s leaps and cartwheels hang just a little too long in the air, how Jet brightens and sharpens too fast after just a word from her.  And it’s Theo, of course it’s Theo, who catches Ruby and Jet trying to rob the cookie jar with a spectral, definitely magic, definitely arcane hand floating in the air, where did she even learn that, he doesn’t have that spell, this is bad, this is very, very bad.  Ruby’s more careful after that, after Mom’s lecture about how dangerous it is, and Pops just standing there, looking stern, nodding along to everything that Mom’s saying, not saying a word to the contrary.  Her magic is just for Jet now, her and Jet and nobody else, and she does a very good job of pretending she doesn’t know anything else, pretending like she doesn’t feel the thrum inside of her, pretending like something isn’t singing in her blood with every leap and twirl and handstand.  

Bonus subclass: College of Valour?  It gets that combat flavouring without being as specific as College of Swords, but I’m open to suggestions.

Warlock!Liam, and he is so young, so lonely, roaming the forests around Castle Manylicks, when he finds her or maybe she finds him.  Just a sweet little fairy who knows where to find the best seeds, the ones that have a little bit of magic in them, and here’s a lonely little boy who’s so interested in what she can show him!  And then of course, this isn’t just any lonely little boy, this is the son of Duke Jawbreaker, someone royal, someone important.  I’ll be your friend, she says, coy and sweet, a nice friend, not like your brothers.  I know lots of things, secret things, magic things, that I can show you.  Come with me, do you want to see something really neat?  Her magic is almost golden, almost Bulbian, with the slightest whiff of something rich and sticky and sweet and purple, and Liam’s only glad that he has a friend now, someone who’s nice to him, who’s interested in the same things, who remembers his name and doesn’t pick on him because he likes seeds more than swords.  Lonely children don’t need to be threatened or coerced, lonely children don’t need deals with the devil.  Lonely children just need a kind voice and warm approval and someone to show them affection, and the Sugar Plum Fairy knows just how to work with that.

Bonus subclass: Gonna diverge from Lapin here and go with Archfey as the warlock/patron relationship, because Liam isn’t in a position where he has to pretend that his powers come from the Bulb, so the SPF can lean into her feyness more.

[imaginejamesandsirius]

Hi I don't know if this is where you post prompts but anyway - today is my birthday - the day before halloween and I was wondering if you could do a fic where James is just starting to realise he likes Sirius more than a friend. I was thinking like a haunted house theme where Sirius gets hurt or scared. Love your blog :)

James was all for the idea of going to a haunted house. He actually liked the idea so much that he was a little offended he hadn't been the one to come up with it. But whatever. 

Uni was weird and took a lot of getting used to, but he liked the new friends he'd made. The only unfortunate part was that all these new mates served to make him think about Sirius. Normally that wasn't a problem, but with all the thinking he'd been doing about Sirius, it made him realise that he fancied him. Which. Y'know. Was sort of a problem. And he wasn't even a hundred percent certain that he fancied him. It just felt like he thought about Sirius more than most people thought about their mates, and in ways that people didn't think about their mates. He wasn't too sure about it. 

Point is, when Lily invited him to be part of the group that went out for Halloween-- rather, the day before, so that it fell on a weekend and they could miss the really busy times-- he asked if Sirius could come without thinking about it. She immediately said yes and added that she was looking forward to meeting him, so it's not like he could change his mind even if he wanted to. And he wasn't sure that he would've changed his mind if he did have the opportunity to. 

Sirius showed up at the cafe where they were all meeting, and James barreled into him happily. "Oof, bloody hell," Sirius said with a laugh. "You miss me then?" 

"You have no idea." 

"Oh," Lily said with a smile, "you must be James's boyfriend, Sirius. He talks about you all the time." 

Sirius blinked. 

"Er," James said, and he was about to correct her, but Sirius spoke before he could. 

"Yep, that's me." 

"Nice to put a face to the name. I'm Lily," she said, holding out her hand, and Sirius shook it, then was introduced to everyone else that was there. 

They were waiting on a couple more people before they left, so they got in line. "Boyfriend?" Sirius said, keeping his voice low. He sounded amused, which was better than him being upset. It did mean that James had no idea how he felt about it, though. If he sounded mad, then James would know that he was mad. Sounding amused could mean any number of things. Did he think that the idea of them dating was completely silly? Or was he amused because they'd been dating and James just hadn't noticed? The idea was a bit strange, but he'd never been the most observant person in the world; he wouldn't put it past himself to have been dating Sirius and not noticed until someone else told him. 

"I never called you that. Lily came up with it all on her own." It was the first James had heard of it, and he felt like if Lily was going to assume someone was his boyfriend, she should at least mention it to him first, before she started saying it to other people. At least it would provide him with the opportunity to ask if they were dating. He could always ask Sirius, but- 

"Aww, how cute." 

But that. He didn't know what that meant. 

And Sirius didn't bother to elaborate. 

James wouldn't be half so nervous to ask him what that meant if he actually knew how he felt. Maybe he was overthinking it and he only liked Sirius as a friend. What would he do then, if he asked? Sirius would think that he fancied him-- with good reason-- and if they started dating, then what would James do? It's not as if he could just back out when he was the one that initiated it, not to mention that he didn't want to hurt Sirius's feelings. Assuming that Sirius had those feelings for him, which wasn't a guarantee. 

Sodding hell, he was turning into his father. Dad overthought everything at any given time. At Hogwarts, James had found the idea of turning into his father impossible. Now... well, now was different. Hopefully some of the ways it was different were good, because he'd kind of hate it if the only change he'd experienced in the last year was overthinking rubbish. 

*

James wasn't a very jumpy person. He enjoyed scary movies and haunted houses, but they didn't usually make him get scared. He'd always thought of Sirius as being the same, but their Halloween get-together proved that assumption wrong. 

The first couple jump scares in the haunted house got him, and after that, Sirius plastered himself to James's side. He still got scared, but rather than jumping out of his skin every time, he'd inhale sharply and his grip on James's arm would tighten. After the moment passed, he would loosen his grip a little, and about halfway through, he switched to holding James's hand. James didn't know if that was in consideration for not bruising him, or if it just made him feel better that James could squeeze his hand in return. 

Either way, James didn't really mind. It's not like Sirius was hurting him, and if it made him feel better, then he was happy to be able to help. 

When they left, they all went over to Marlene's place to watch scary movies, and Sirius preemptively sat close to him. So close that he was practically in his lap, but since they'd shared a bed for a cumulative total of two years, James wasn't bothered. Also there was all the cuddling and hugs and hanging off of each other that they'd done while wide awake, but James had sort of forgotten about that until right now. He missed this. The casual intimacy of it. He felt like he hadn't touched another human being in months, and now he was making up for it with Sirius back in town. 

James was well and truly convinced that it wasn't specific to Sirius until they were on the second half of the movie, and Marlene grabbed his arm when an axe went through the door on screen with a loud bang. The side with Sirius felt all warm and snuggly. The side with Marlene was a little uncomfortable and kind of too hot. But he couldn't tell her to move without doing the same to Sirius, and he didn't want to do that. Maybe he did fancy Sirius. After all, he was friends with Marlene, but her doing the same thing as Sirius-- to a lesser degree, even-- didn't feel anywhere close to the same to him. 

"Jesus," Sirius breathed, and for the first time tonight, it wasn't out of fear. His eyes were wide as he looked at the screen. 

James hadn't realised that he'd been staring at Sirius until then, when he didn't know what Sirius was so impressed by. He glanced at the screen, and his eyes went wide as well. "Oh. Well." Not scary at all, and not impressive either. Weird, because James hadn't realised when he signed up to watch this movie that there would be a sex scene. Especially since it wasn't at the beginning. He could understand a sex scene in the beginning, but not in the middle, while characters were still dying and there was more to come. "That's weird." 

On his other side, Marlene snorted. "Right?" 

He found himself a little annoyed. James had never minded her presence before, which meant he'd gone straight from 'not sure I fancy Sirius' to 'wow can't people give us some space?'. He was going to have to talk to Sirius about this before Sirius went back home, because he couldn't live like this. 

*

After the second movie was done and they were all tired, James headed home, Sirius right by his side. 

"That was fun," Sirius said. 

"Yeah? You weren't scared the whole time?" 

Sirius grinned at him, completely unashamed. "Only half the time." They walked a little further. Less than a block, and Sirius turned to face him. "Do your friends really think we're dating?" 

"I dunno," James said. "That was the first time Lily had said anything like that to me." 

"Oh," Sirius said, looking back in front of him instead of at James. "Cause I was going to say, if you wanted to do something like that, we could. I can think of worse things than dating you." 

"Worse things, huh?" 

"Yeah, like having to go through another haunted house." 

"If you didn't want to go, you could've said so." 

Sirius flashed him another grin. "I didn't say that I didn't have fun. Just that I'm not jumping to do it again. I got to hold your hand the entire time, and that was pretty good." 

"I never knew what a big baby you were," James said with a snort, reaching out and grabbing his hand. It was awkward for a few seconds as they aligned their footsteps, but he caught sight of a pleased blush on Sirius's face. 

"I'm not a baby; I just get jumpy. Besides, that's the whole point, isn't it?" 

"I guess," James agreed easily. "It was nice to finally spend some time with you, though." 

"Same. It feels like I never talk to you anymore." 

"You can visit whenever you want. I'm never so busy that I can't make time for you." 

"Aw, look at you being a nice boyfriend," Sirius teased. 

"Damn right," James said, overly pleased with himself. He probably wouldn't mention-- for a few months, at least-- that he hadn't known for sure that he fancied Sirius until earlier that night. Sirius would get a good laugh out of it, after a while. 

[gerrystamour]

kiss away young thrills and kills

For: @daily-thots-ofhistory​

@daily-thots-ofhistory​ said: for the fic request, Nureyev's first birthday with Juno (whether that's really his birthday or Juno just giving him a birthday or something else! Whatever you'd like!)

So I took a few liberties, with it being super introspective and whatnot, and not super focused on jupeter. Hopefully, the requester likes it! ;p

-

Peter woke up in Juno’s bed, yet the former detective was nowhere to be found. However, the sheets next to him were still warm when he slid his cool fingers across the soft linen. Juno had probably gotten up to get a head-start on his morning, maybe even secure a shower first before the other ladies aboard the Carte Blanche beat him to it.

With a tired yawn and a languid stretch, Peter rolled over to grab his comms off of the bedside table to check the time. When he did, he also caught the date and froze.

Thirty-eight.

Peter Nureyev had turned thirty-eight, and he had slept through it. Well, he hadn’t quite slept through it, given the ache in his thighs and hips and the pleasant memories of the night before. But midnight had come and gone, and he had forgotten to mark it with every bit of melodrama he could muster. 

It had been the closest thing to a “tradition” he had for his birthday, watching the seconds tick down until the clock read four zeroes and the date moved forward. Then he would turn his gaze to a mirror and study his face, his hair, the skin of his throat and chest, looking for the evidence of his body failing him, as if the difference between 23:59 and 00:00 would change him as much as a full decade would have.

Peter would stare for what felt like hours, pulling his sagging face tight, poking at the dark bags under his eyes, sliding his tongue along his yellowing teeth. Objectively, he knew all along most of this worry had been in his head, that his face was still mostly smooth, his teeth perfect and white, and the bags under his eyes easily concealed. Objectively, he knew that even if all of those ideas had been true, they hardly actually mattered, least of all to his beloved detective.

Thirty-eight.

Peter was all of a sudden too old to round down to thirty-five, but still too young to round up to forty—not that he wanted to round up. He was officially, completely, in his late thirties, and he wasn’t sure where that left him emotionally.

At present, he was lying in his lover’s bed, rubbing the still-warm spot where Juno had been laying, and pondering linear time. He wondered whether it made sense to rail against it so hard, and if he should feel bad for being the way he was about his age and appearance.

But when he’d been travelling alone, all he had were his looks. 

Sure, Peter had wit and charm, too, but it was mostly looks that got him in the door. Nothing disarmed a rich idiot like a pretty face. 

But as he aged, Peter had quickly learned the unspoken rule the hard way. Rich idiots didn’t just want a pretty face to own and call theirs, they wanted pretty and young faces.

The first time a mark had scoffed at him for attempting a seduction when there were softer, younger, more inexperienced young men to choose from, Peter wasn’t sure who he was more disgusted with; the near ancient art dealer chasing after people only a quarter of his age, or himself for thinking he could compete. Later he had known it was the former, if the liberal use of his knife had been anything to go by, but there was still a fair bit of shame due to the latter. 

It had been after that job when he began his entire routine of painstakingly covering up every single flaw he found.

Thirty-eight. 

The same age Juno had been when they met. Things had… shifted after meeting Juno Steel. 

Seeing the way the lady held himself in his oversized trench coat and thick turtleneck sweater, the way he had worn every single minute of his own thirty-eight years on his face and his shoulders had moved something into focus. The time they spent in Miasma’s tomb, the days he went without his make-up, without the touch-up dye for his roots, even without a toothbrush. Yet without fail, every time he caught Juno looking at him, Juno had seemed… stunned, blown away. His desire for Peter had been unmistakable.

Even during that terrible time, Juno had wanted him.

Of course, that hadn’t cured him of his anxiety regarding his continued usefulness and success with his waning appearance. 

For a time—a period of forty-eight hours cumulatively—he had considered letting his silver hair grow out, as Juno’s had been allowed to. If his beautiful, dear detective could look his age, why not Peter? Together, he didn’t have to depend on his appearance, his desirability on its own.

Then Juno had left, and Peter was back to his old ways. There was no avoiding it, he told himself, and so he returned to dying his hair, doing up his face in oppressive layers of concealer and other make-up, to working his body through long hours or stretches, work-out routines, and yoga.

Things had changed again when he joined the crew aboard the Carte Blanche. With Juno’s return. He had found himself the youngest on the crew, the “baby” as Rita would exclaim when it was brought up, and suddenly every fear and anxiety he had seemed… petty, and even mean to say aloud, even jokingly. 

How could he think himself ruined by a grey hair when their captain had half of her face rotting from radiation? How could he complain about the self-inflicted ache in his neck and shoulders when the rest of the crew had their own plentiful aches with far less room to criticize themselves for it yet never make a sound about them?

It had been a startling revelation during one of his nightly conversations with Juno that his fixation with his appearance had begun when he was with Mag. There had been different heists where they had depended on Peter’s baby-face, and when he began growing out of said baby-face, those jobs were jeopardized. He could remember the day his appearance had sharpened enough that Mag decided it was better to age him up with his presentation and adjusted their jobs accordingly. It was something Mag had claimed required sacrifice, and discomfort even.

Peter hadn’t realized just how far he had carried that man’s teachings in that regard. It had been so tightly packed away in the farthest reaches of his mind, something he kept hidden away since he was seventeen.

Ultimately, it had been a comment from Vespa of all people that had made him truly think about his nonsense. 

They were preparing for a heist, something small for some money, just fleecing some rich idiot for as much as they could. It was just after his leg had healed and they got off that planet, and he and Juno were going in as a married couple. Peter had questioned Buddy’s insistence on that cover every time, but she had blown off the question, instead informing him that they were executing their plan the following day.

Peter had, largely without pausing to consider his words, idly mention needing dye, that all of his existing stores had been destroyed when the ship crashed into the ocean.

“The hell do you need hair-dye for, Ransom?” Vespa had bit out around her mouthful of dinner. 

“Well, if you haven’t noticed, my roots have grown in quite a bit and—” Peter had started, pointedly ignoring Juno’s grumbling.

“You’re s’posed to look like a married couple,” Vespa interrupted with an eye-roll. “You can’t go in there looking twenty-five when Steel looks forty.”

“But I—why—I don’t look twenty-five,” Peter argued, furrowing his brow.

“It doesn’t matter how old you look, Ransom! We get it, you’re used to working alone, whatever,” Vespa snapped before she took a breath. “When you’re working with someone else, it’s better to match. So if you dye your hair, Juno has to dye his.”

“But—”

“For this job, you can’t look like a trophy husband, Pete,” Buddy said, seemingly annoyed by the interruption to the family meeting. “You would stand out. I will gladly pick you up some dye after the job to sooth your ego, but not before. Now, can we get back on track?”

They were right, of course. That didn’t mean he particularly liked it. But he couldn’t continue to get away with making himself look younger and younger while he ran with a band of thieves who were all clearly older than him. 

Peter wasn’t exactly graceful in his allowance for aging, of course, but he was working on it. He started by allowing the silver in his hair to grow in, and wearing less concealing make-up around the Carte Blanche. He hadn’t thought he had made much progress in the “being okay with aging” angle of his growth and unpacking of his emotional baggage.

Yet there he was, lying in bed on his thirty-eighth birthday, stunned he had missed it. He hadn’t just missed it, he realized, but he had forgotten it was coming up at all.

Peter was startled from his thoughts as an arm slid around his waist, skin warm and damp from a shower. “Sorry, babe,” Juno whispered against his shoulder blade. “Didn’t realize you were that far away.”

That was one of Juno’s probing statements; when Juno had a question and wanted the answer, but would have dropped if Peter didn’t respond. That simple statement was equal parts apology for the startle, and inquiring after what had him so distracted. It would have been so easy to say he had just been daydreaming, to roll over and distract Juno with kisses and gentle touches, but…

“It’s my birthday,” Peter whispered, and if it hadn’t been for the way Juno stiffened against his back, he would have thought the former detective hadn’t heard him.

“It is?” Juno’s voice was strained as he asked it, and Peter realized belatedly his error.

“Don’t you worry your pretty head, my love,” Peter reassured him gently, covering the hand splayed over his lower abdomen with his own and tangling their fingers together. “I hadn’t said anything about it. I usually don’t—this is the first birthday in a very long time I haven’t been alone for.”

“Oh,” Juno whispered, and Peter shivered at the kiss pressed to the centre of his back. “Is there anything you wanted to do?”

“Mm,” Peter hummed, rolling over in Juno’s arm to kiss him chastely, warmth bursting in his chest at the hesitance in Juno’s voice. “Perhaps we can… stay in bed? Together?”

Juno smiled against his lips and laughed. “Yeah, Nureyev, I think we can,” he replied and then asked, “Anything else I can do for you?”

“You’ve already done more than enough, love,” Peter replied softly, tucking his head under Juno’s chin. “Just being here is perfect.”

“Sap,” Juno grumbled, and Peter laughed.

“And you love me for it,” he replied, smirking as he felt the heat of Juno’s flush crawl down his neck.

“So what if I do?” Juno grumbled petulantly, and Peter laughed at that.

“Say it,” Peter said, but it was more of a question, really. A request for reassurance. At the last moment, he softened it with a quiet, “Please?”

“Fine,” Juno grumbled jokingly, pulling back so his mismatched eyes met Peter’s own. The prosthetic for his implant was always a few shades different than his natural eye, which Peter was fairly convinced was an intentional choice of Juno’s. 

With a grin, Juno added, “Peter Nureyev, I love you, and I love that you’re a sap, and no I will literally never stop complaining about it.”

Peter smiled at that and accepted the kiss Juno had for him, sighing as it deepened and allowing himself to be rolled onto his back, Juno slotting in between his legs with a soft sound of his own.

“Hey,” Juno said, pulling back and biting his lip nervously. “How about I make that one dish I made a few weeks ago? The one with the flatbread thing you like so much?”

“Why would you make something so time-consuming?” Peter asked, truly puzzled. “Plus, we had decided it uses too much of our supplies, but doesn’t make enough for the crew.”

“I wasn’t going to make it for the crew, Nureyev. I want to make it for you,” Juno replied with a laugh. 

Peter blinked at him a bit dumbly, before asking, “For… me? But why?”

“It’s your birthday, babe. I want it to be a nice one,” Juno said, seeming a bit puzzled. “I mean, I get not liking your birthday, but that doesn't mean I can’t do something nice, right?”

“Oh, you’ve already done enough for me, love,” Peter sighed, pulling Juno into a solid kiss to distract him from the tears that had filled his eyes.

Yes, he still hated that time moved ever forward, and yes, he had another year at least of unpacking to possibly be “okay” with it. There was a chance he would always have the nagging voice of Mag in his head pointing out each new wrinkle, every new patch of silver hair growing in.

But he had his beautiful detective in his arms, and a family out in the halls of the Carte Blanche if he would reach out and accept them… he couldn’t reasonably ask for much more on his thirty-eighth birthday.

[sanstropfremir]

it's kingdom time for real!!! the first episode is here and mnet finally uploaded the stages from like a month ago so i can actually watch them more than once to review.

happy to see them all actually performing. not the most interesting stages overall, but it was the 100sec one-take so i wasn’t expecting anything crazy. like the performance stages, this is about what i expected at this point in the show.

ranking under the cut, i have Opinions(tm) and they are not all pretty.

(anyone that’s seeing this for the first time, i’m a trained performance designer with over 30 credits and a decade of experience, yes i can talk about this with authority)

a few general notes:

this type of stage that mnet has built is called a traverse, or alley, stage. named exactly for the reason you think. it’s characterized by a narrow playing space with audience on opposite sides, and two entrances on either end. so mnet had a pretty typical setup. there are some advantages to this type of stage:

because of the narrow stage space and usually smaller audience capacity, the performer and audience are in much closer proximity

because of the shape of the space, blocking (choreography but for not-dance) can travel well and be very dynamic

it’s uncommon outside of midsize/small productions so there’s some novelty for the casual theatre goer

however! there are some pitfalls with this type of stage. the hardest type of stage to work with is (theatre) in the round. theatre in the round is characterized by being....in the round. that means the audience is placed 360 degrees around the playing space. which means that they can see everything; every entrance, every exit, every performer’s back, 360 degree sightlines means there is nowhere to hide. and in a medium that relies on concealment to create magic, it’s a tough stage to work with. not saying it doesn’t work. some of the most incredible shows i’ve been to have been theatre in the round, but when you go to those type of shows, as an audience member you understand that there will be some scenes where you only see the actors’ backs. there is no perfect seat in the round. the reverse is true as well, the actors can only act to those in front of them. and like i stated previously, on the production end it becomes difficult to hide things like props/set/costume changes that you might have been able to in another type of theatre. why am i talking about theatre in the round? because traverse works on exactly the same principle. even though the audience is only on two sides, the same issues still arise. directionality is key: a director has to be careful of how exactly the stage gets blocked.

why am i talking about stage formats? because the space always informs the performance, that’s why. i think mnet made a sort of smart choice to build a traverse stage. since the ‘audience’ is a video camera, that eliminates the need to play to the opposing seating banks, and opens up more staging opportunities. it’s a fancy looking stage that does what they need it to. 

now here’s my gripes. if you’re going to specifically orient a stage so that it is by nature directional, why are you broadcasting in a format where direction doesn’t matter? if the camera has no fixed position, then you’ve just skipped directly into in the round staging without taking into account the function of the space. it's a round peg in a square hole; yes it fits, but you can see the spaces where it doesn’t quite match up. for a very obvious example, any shot that is not staring directly down the barrel of the stage from left or right has audience in it. and not enough to be worthy of a reaction shots (because those are just cut in in post), but enough to just be there. why would you do that when you could just.....not? just go properly in the round and then you wouldn’t have that distraction. especially when the audience is wearing white. also, there are only so many ways you can stage on a traverse, you’re pretty much limited to directional points on a compass, because there are literal risers in the way. because of the way most groups are choreographed, the member layouts lean more towards having the members in a line than they do layering the members deep. this configuration is fine on a proscenium stage (which is what most stages are), and would even be fine on a traverse stage if you were playing to the risers. you could even do some interesting choreo alterations. but! because mnet has decided that the camera is perpendicular to the risers, that means that most of the formations are not optimized for the stage dimensions and are in fact the opposite dimensions. most of these groups are doing their longest blocking across the shortest area of stage, which is dumb. although it isn't much of a problem because the stage is still very large, but it's still a bizarre choice on behalf of mnet. why would you not arrange the stage so you have more clearance for the camera, the audience, and also the performers? i would have to check back over the rtk performances, but im pretty sure at one point they switch to an in the round stage. why are you not doing that from the start? this would also allow for more built setpieces. although it does remain to be seen if they do switch after this episode, since this particular challenge was a one-take with minimal props/set pieces. which segues to my next point: these groups barely took up the parameters of the challenge, or utilized them effectively! this is also mnet’s fault, mnet if you say that you’re gonna do a one-take, don't cut between seven other cameras!! show us the power of that single point of view! let the groups actually do some interesting blocking with the path of the camera! there’s so many interesting things they could have done, but no!! had to be boring!! i know this is technically an introductory stage, but i also don't care. these groups have (relatively) competent ADs and stylists, they can think outside the box.

ok now here’s my actual rankings:

1. btob

sorry babies, none of you can match them vocally. love you ateez but you sure fucked up picking them to go after you because they blew you out of the fucking water. and everyone else, but ateez cumulatively is the weakest vocally. more on that later. like the performance stage they showcased their strengths and the experience (and training) shows. good use of the directional stage having three vs one that came together in the middle. loved the white suit variations, im especially a sucker for a belted suit jacket. loved peniel's gigantic trench and massive earrings, very mid 90s, his stylist definitely took a lesson in how to accessorize very short hair. always love good use of fog. uniform colour theme, all elements were there to support the vocals. no complaints, chef’s kiss.

2. ikon

hey baby groups? see bobby having fun? do that more. i know you think performance face is sexy and serious but none of you know how to act and you all look dead inside on stage. the lights may be on but nobody’s home. anyways. excellent beginning formation, excellent ending formation, no complicated position changes that make the camera give you motion sickness. fun choreo that they are obviously having fun performing, which goes sooooo far in the success of a performance. only group so far to use silence as an effective device, and the arrangement was interesting and suited to the song+performance. i think it was smart of them not to deploy bobby right away, although it would have been funny to watch after whatever it was that stray kids was trying to do. again, like btob and also sf9, sticking to their strengths. costumes fun and fitting, indicative of both the colour of the group and of the song. nice detail in the monochrome and the black accent details.

3. sf9

taeyang is that bitch and they only way this would have been better is if he had actually grabbed the ties of those two other members (if you think i am going to remember anyone's names other than the people i already know you are wrong). love the confidence to waste a good chunk of your 90 seconds for walking and standing in formation. actual good use of one-take directional camera, even though they ruined it once they started dancing. choreo perfectly fine, lighting good complementary colour scheme, costumes nothing to write home about, surprisingly good projection design? wasn’t expecting that. im not the biggest fan white suit jackets over black shirts but ill give it a pass for the proper suit accessorizing.

4. ateez

i applaud your dedication to the pirate gimmick but boys you don't need that anymore, i promise. hongjoong's lil bloody cough was a fun gag that didn't draw too much attention but fit with the theme. came out of the gate strong with an actual clear narrative, which can be a challenge to do in 100 seconds, and the only group to have a narrative. also actual camera choreo! that was interesting! mnet stop fucking cutting to overhead shots! apparently im destined to always be beefing with the ateez stylists because what was the point of all that? very little variation in texture or pattern on matte all black just made any relevant details disappear. torch gimmick and end formation fun, and the arrangement had an obvious climax. weird and kinda fun projection design, but not helped by concert-style stage lighting. pick one or the other lighting designer, don't make them fight like that! props to them for actually having their mics on the whole time, even though they are probably the weakest group vocally. im also going to be beefing with the choreographer because they are always making seonghwa sing while doing ridiculous moves that make him go offkey. ateez has some of the stronger 4th gen vocals, but they're at a disadvantage because a) none of them have proper vocal training, and b) their main vocal is not actually a skilled singer and is destroying his voice.not a lot of vocals for them to showcase this stage and that was probably for the best. hanya (@changdyke) is in charge of vocals critique and will have more to say about this than me, even though i am also trained. im just here to talk about the production.

5. the boyz

im neutral to positive on tbz because i did really like their danger stage from rtk. this performance is just....fine. I don’t like the arrangement, but that's mostly personal opinion. but it doesn't have a conclusive end and the whole dissonance thing isn't really working for me in this instance. the choreo is quite flippy and tricking is not necessary for an interesting choreo. i did like the throwback/use of modern choreo, i think that's a strong choice for them and it's not something that many other groups are doing, so they should stick more to that than to tricking. the camera choreo is also not good. here’s where the clearance issues and fighting against the stage layout happen! stop making a handheld do a 180! are you trying to make us motion sick? to be fair, this is not the most egregious one, but at least ateez got it right by having a person lead the camera in a particular pattern. also, what even is the theme here? leatherclad boys in the forest? nobody give me any shit saying it's based off one of their music videos or whatever, that shouldn't matter. there should be a clear theme that can be easily identified without prior knowledge of the group, especially when this is an introductory stage and they are a relatively young group. none of the other groups have this issue. that being said, at least the costumes were interesting to look at, although thematically confusing. good use of accessories, texture, and bedazzling to make the black stand out against the stage. the hands in front of the camera were kind of fun but didnt really mean anything? again, back to the lack of clear concept. i did like them reaching out to pull that member forward, it would have been better if they had just left it at that.

6. stray kids

the more i watch this the more i hate it. im not even sorry about it anymore. starters, and i will admit this upfront: i do not like most 4th gen music, so the spiderman meme groups are already operating on a deficit in my point of view. and i particularly did not like this arrangement. same as with tbz, why did it not have a conclusive end? also overuse of sound effects. and stop saying your fucking band name! the only musician that’s allowed to do that is jason derulo and thats because hes a meme now. but twice in 100 seconds? no. and what was the point of that logo/crown reveal? im tired of crown reveals we have seen them so many times by now, we don't need to see it again. was it meant to be that they were carving it into the ground?? very unclear. there was an attempt with camera choreo, and i will admit that the pan up and then back down to the ‘wolf pack’ was probably the strongest moment in the whole performance. the lights were in their mouths, by the way. however, the rest of the choreo is all over the map, quite literally. as with tbz there’s a lot of members in the group and so in order for everyone to get their screen time they break down into smaller groups, which i don't disagree with on principle, but here.........the breakdowns are just tricking, which although eyecatching, does not a very compelling or cohesive choreo make. even the unison choreo is weird, obviously its stylized horror but it just looks awkward and strange. you can make awkward/unattractive choreo work (see taemin’s want, or even move, to some extent)***, but skz doesn't have an ounce of the charisma that taemin has so it just looks awkward. also, that rapid switch between opposite sides of the stage? nausea inducing. ateez was the one with the pirate concept but skz apparently trying to make us seasick. im not gonna say anything about that rap other than it was bad, why was that allowed on stage. the sparkthrower was fun but that's like the 14th gimmick in this 100 second stage and that’s too many gimmicks. costumes are truly nothing to write home about, extremely unclear relation to the theme. if you're gonna be wolves then at least have some fur accents or something. the makeup effects were a bit over the top and not necessary in the actual performance. a hairdresser needs to thin out felix’s hair because he looks like he's wearing one of those lego hair helmets. oh, i did like that one guy’s shirt with the collarbone cutout, but again: how is that relevant to the theme? cmon people!!!! design the whole experience!! im sure there’s more i could write but holy shit this is long and im tired and also i don't want to watch this stage anymore.

ok im done. jesus this is long. again, this is just the intro stage so i suspect that some of my complaints will become null next week, but we’ll have to see! well, what i actually want to see is changmin insulting children but i’m not holding out hope for that to happen. hopefully we see some more spectacle-y stages and i can really go in.

***this is not me saying that taemin has a bad choreo that he’s making the best of. want is purposefully choreographed that way in order to showcase taemin’s ability. same with move. the point of want is that it IS awkward and should not be seductive or appealing and yet it still is. almost like....it’s in the name of the song or something.....

[peter-pantomime]

Pacific Rim Fic Recs

Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb

Pacific Rim

Baby, You’re Hotter than my Bunsen Burner

They argue like they breathe—but that’s not all there is to it. Newt flirts, and it’s disgusting.

It’s not that Hermann minds flirting. The Kaidonovskies have propositioned everyone in the PPDC, or so it seems, and Tendo has intimated more than once that he wouldn’t mind spending some time in the lab, “talking numbers.” The Shatterdome is a small place. One has to practice somewhere.

It’s just that Newt is so bad at it.

You’re Everyone That Ever Cared

Newt's kind of had a thing for Hermann since the beginning of time, which is fine. He's dealing with it. Totally not pining or anything.

Only then there's the drift, and the dreams, and memories that aren't his own. And on top of everything, Hermann's started acting all un-Hermann-like.

Five Times Newt And Hermann Kiss While They Are Drunk

A brief timeline of the apocalypse from the perspective of a pair of nerds: a story of science, alcohol, and love.

Discrepancies

Stacker noticed first. Mako really was the one to piece it together, she always is, the clever girl. Tendo was next but he chanced upon it quite by accident. Raleigh wasn’t top of the class by his own admission, which was why no one was surprised when he found out so late. By the time everyone else found out it was old news but still quite the event to watch.

pull you through the mirror (before you come undone)

The War is over. The war is over, and everyone else has something important to do and somewhere else to be except Newt.

Do you have Prince Albert in a can?

Newt has a Prince Albert piercing. That's about it.

cumulative causation

In the Drift, Newton Geiszler is both himself, and he is someone else. He sees and is seen. By the kaiju hivemind, by himself somehow, and by Hermann Gottlieb.

the logician.

‘I’m lookin,’ Newton says, withdrawing rapidly, inviting a cold slither of dizzying air between them and leaving Hermann breathless and blinking. Newton’s voice is tense and urgent, eyes bright with conviction. ‘I am. Haven’t once looked away in twelve years.’

[A take on the various revelations following the almost-apocalypse, written for a Tumblr prompt.]

Times of Stress

It’s surprising, what the body prioritizes in times of stress; as a biologist, he’s studied such things inside and out, but it’s different, experiencing it rather than reading it from a textbook during a dry lecture course he could teach in his sleep.

so it goes

The world needs Newton Geiszler, and with that thought in mind, it's Hermann that drifts with the Kaiju instead.

it might be over soon

To celebrate a victory, Newt steals a bottle of booze and he and Hermann drink, argue, and maybe finally act on their feelings.

strange perceptions

The most essential question to pose, obviously, is why is Hermann presently finding himself contained in a shut-down emergency decontamination unit with only his lab partner as company, having forgone not only the process of actual decontamination but also the process of being noticed by anyone at all.

The answer is frustratingly straightforward: because Newton.

[Written for the mix of Tumblr prompts: "Don't fucking touch me" + "Look at me - just breathe, okay?"]

When Two Substances Collide

Doctors Geiszler and Gottlieb — the first ones in and the last ones out. Thirteen scenes from the countdown to the end of the world.

AU

Kill Your Double (But Keep Them Alive)

Dr. Hermann Gottlieb came into existence sixteen years ago. He wasn't born then - he just stopped being Owen Harper. Of course, then Captain Jack Harkness had to come visit the Hong Kong Shatterdome.

Meanwhile, Newt's just trying to figure out what's up with Hermann while simultaneously attempting to save the world.

[safetytank]

long-ass floral drama ahead

after the roaring successes of my Anders DragonAge Did Nothing Wrong & How To Dungeons And Dragons Good presentations, the host of the original had a follow-up DTL night and u KNOW a bitch is incapable of not doing Way Too Much while simultaneously leaving everything to the last minute

so here u go, customers i interacted with while working at one of the local florists between 2017-2018, organized and ranked for ur entertainment

commentary added bc most the slides were just a visual component to a textual joke & i won’t make u all sit through a 10-minute video rendition, u got shit to do

every single older guy cheating on his partner follows exactly the same script, it’s like they were made in a lab

some did manage to break away from the mold tho, usually younger guys asking sheepishly if we had “i’m sorry” balloons (we did) or the following 2 honorable mentions for bringing innovations to the field of cheating on ur wife

imagine using a BIBLE VERSE to try and convince your girl she should take u back bc something something FORGIVENESS

the audacity

the second honorable mention is the very first customer complaint my manager handled after he was hired on back in like 2012, which was a guy whose girlfriend had looked at his credit card statement the day after Valentine’s Day and saw he’d sent 13 other one-dozen rose arrangements so he tried to convince her it must have been a credit card glitch & that he’d call and get it sorted out and my manager was like “lmao fuck no you’re not getting a refund, u made ur bed now lie in it asshole”

number 4 is the time a customer wanted an order wired to chicago for a loved one’s birthday and have it be sent to their job and i was like “oh how nice where do they work” and they were like “the leather museum” and me, internally, thinking “wow like cowboy stuff :)”

it was not cowboy stuff

number three i don’t even give a shit about censoring the name on bc if you know Vickie Fucking Fitzgerald in real life there’s no punishment u could enact upon me that would be greater than having to put up with Vickie Fucking Fitzgerald in real life

this slide is an example of a normal message someone might write on a card that comes in a floral arrangement, like 4-ish lines of text on a little plastic fork that says “happy birthday, love NAME 1 and NAME 2″ or “sorry for your loss, love THE LASTNAME FAMILY”

Vickie Fucking Fitzgerald does not know how cards on floral arrangements work

like damn bitch just send a letter at that point jesus christ

fun fact this was also a wire order so the other florist called us on the phone to be like “uhhhhh is this....correct” and we had to be like “yeah” and they went “ok, cool, just checking, uh, so we had to staple 4 different message cards together to fit all of it” and we were like “yeah bet u did lol”

vickie fucking fitzgerald was a million billion years old and if u saw her name pop up on the caller ID you learned to fear it bc it meant you’d be trapped on the phone for between 10 and 20 minutes listening to her entire life story in between trying to take a gd floral order

one time she wanted a funeral basket sent out of state to FUCKING ALASKA and we’re on the east coast of the united states so we were like “ok well there’s a 4 hour timezone difference and it’s 8am here so they’re not even open yet, we’ll have to wait til 12pm when they open up at 8 and then we can wire it for you so we’ll take down your order and call u back when it’s time to wire it”

yall wanna guess how many times this bitch called back to waste our time before 12pm

VICKIE YOU WENT ON FOR CUMULATIVE HOURS ABOUT HOW YOUR HUSBAND WAS DIVORCING YOU AND I’M BEGINNING TO SEE WHY HE MIGHT WANT TO

#2 is of course the dumb horny bullshit, bc it turns out if u order online and the quality control manager isn’t paying A Lot of attention u can slip all kinds of shit into ur card messages (just don’t do the entire fuckin Iliad like VFF up there)

this one gets put in horny jail because of the sheer AUDACITY of contacting someone who has either 1. been broken up with/divorced recently, or worse, 2. THEIR PARTNER FUCKING DIED, and THEN TRYING TO THROW YOUR HAT IN THE RING WITH THAT “I’VE ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL, CATCH ME ON THE REBOUND BABY ;)” HORSESHIT

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this one haunts me in the depths of night and will absolutely be the last thing i see when i close my eyes to slough off this mortal coil

this one yall get every single slide for bc the only reason it lives on in as much detail is due to me hopping on twitter immediately afterwards to preserve the memory while it was still fresh (the caller was not the ghost btw, she was a middle-aged acquaintance of the aforementioned Gay Nigerian Royalty Ghost)

shout out to every stock website i skimmed off for this presentation btw

we stan one gay ghost king (THIS JOKE WORKS ON MULTIPLE LEVELS)

WHY DID HE HAVE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, YOU ASK

i cannot confirm literally any of this information please do not ask me to i was just paraphrasing what was told to me

here’s where we got into the really wild shit

if u ever worked retail u know this feeling

SO THE DELIVERY MANAGER COMES BACK IN THE DAY OF THE FUNERAL

and he’s like “so i walked in there to deliver the orders and the place was DECKED OUT in traditional fabrics, masks on the wall, everyone was dressed very traditionally, and i was like wow cool guess this guy was important” (he did not know about the International CIA Prosecutor stuff) and someone at the funeral home told him “oh yah we had to go all out bc the deceased’s family WERE A BRANCH OF THE NIGERIAN ROYAL FAMILY THAT HAD FLED TO THE UNITED STATES SOMETIME IN THE 80′S so obviously u can’t have a royal funeral and skimp on the decorations :)”

artist’s rendition

thank u for enjoying this little trip down memory lane also if u recognize urself or someone u know in any of these stories i blocked ur names out for a reason so don’t fuckin come at me ok

[phoebehalliwell]

am i the only one who thought piper and leo got married wayyyyy too fast? i love them but let's look at the facts: they dated a littleeeeeee bit in s1, almost not at all in s2, and bam s3 premier and they're engaged! like what? same for phoebe & cole, but at least piper & leo had a reason with the elders, meanwhile phoebe and cole were only dating... idk, maybe a year at most. (let's not even talk about paige & henry lmao) like calm! down! all of you! it's okay to just date for a while....

yeah fr like i get bc it’s like. Television & like esp back then like. all road lead to marriage. if they don’t get married then what was the point of the relationship. it’s not canon til he puts a ring on it which like. What? and yes that’s kinda gone out of vogue now kind of but u can still see it. like there’s nothing wrong with them just like. goin steady so to speak being in an official dedicated relationship. piper and leo i will let slide because marriage was kinda their ticket to a relationship without interference from the elders and they both seem like such sappy romantics they’d go for it anyways But. like. idk they had Just gotten back together it feels like because we wasted so much of season two on dan who like. never really felt like a real option for a second like come on now. disclaimer being i genuinely love dan i think he was great for piper and yet in spite of all that he never once didn’t feel like an obstacle. like i can’t think of a single moment where we were genuinely like omg might piper pick dan over leo #pipdanendgame like?? even when he was like. perfect with kids and kind and attentive piper was like okay............. 🙂 thank you. like??? if leo had been great with babies we would have seen piper stare dreamily at him from across the kitchen and then have prue/phoebe tease her for it then end in a genuinely earnest comment about how piper would be a great mom bc Obviously. Piper and Leo were our endgame. so like. season two doesn’t count towards their relationship like on paper bc piper was with dan but i also don’t think any of us were fooled. still, like, beginning of s3 leo’s popping the question. again, they get a slight pass bc they were trying to dodge the wrath of the elders and bc they’re both hopeless romantic but let’s talk cumulative months. in s1 they got maybe two months under their belt until he dipped, and then a deathbed love confession and kind of an ending of their relationship. so we’re at two months enter season 2 we spend A Lot of time on dan giving us official pleo time (time when piper had decided leo was the only one she wanted) at only about 3 months. now we’re at roughly five and then we don’t count the time in between seasons because piper and leo only registered it as a day so we’re still at 5 months when leo pops the question and then they don’t get married officially for another 4 months. so nine in total (granted this is counting in regards to episode air date bc quite frankly that’s the best data we’ve got to measure time) not even a full year. insane.

and then!! phoebe and cole!!! they start in october and make it to december (three months) and then he’s gone and phoebe’s like i hate him. and then he’s back! and she still is opposed to a relationship because he’s a demon and they don’t get back together til mid to late february and make it until exit strategy adding another 2.5 months to the running total. we’ll give them the gap between s3 and 4 so that’s like another 2.5 we’re at 8 and then make it to nine months when cole pops the question (so technically he waited longer than leo!) which also. tangent alert. listen. i’m a fan of the “saying marry me on a whim but then realizing you 100% mean it” trope i am. but it’s not cole. like. he was a demon for so long you know he never thought any of this was for him but then with phoebe he starts to realize maybe this is for him but now he has to figure out what exactly it is he wants and the truth is what he wants is phoebe by his side forever he wants to wake up next to her every morning he wants to grow old with her like. this is a realization cole must come to terms with like there’s no marry me on a whim from this guy he would spend ages working on the perfect proposal for phoebe (since he already studied/stalked her he’s kinda got a leg up on the situation). like. idk the phole proposal should have been a bigger thing. and then of course it takes phoebe a minute to say yes all in all by the time they tie the knot they’ve been together about a year and a month. i am including the time cole spend with the intention to murder phoebe.

and then paige/henry phoebe/coop don’t even get me started it’s the heteronormativity i know it you know it it was ooc for both characters to get married so fast what with paige and her free spirit side and her hesitancy to even let the halliwells be her family and then phoebe with her failed marriage and subsequent harrowing divorce in which she murdered cole. twice!! i feel like post- that whole thing there’s gonna be a much stronger vetting process on husband number two technically three lmao dex.