#still having one of those days it seems
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Scribbly. The brain was too blank today but a modern Emmy managed to turn up.
#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#DAtV#Emmrich volkarin#my art#I’m just so tired and out of it today#sorry about that#still having one of those days it seems#I have so many wips to finish ahah but I’m too tired dangit#Emmy on the mind so he still came out anyway#but the hand decided to put him in modern clothing instead pop#oop#ah well
606 notes
·
View notes
Text
More doodles for the one piece spy x family crossover
#one piece#spy x family crossover#revolutionary sabo#portgas d ace#monkey d luffy#still debating on a spy codename for Sabo. since WISE seems to enjoy times of day I want it to have something to do with dawn or dusk#but that might be a bit on the nose#sabo’s walking stick is like his replacement for his pipe. blunt bludgeoning weapon that he can carry around in broad daylight#ace as an assassin decides his disguise is just going to be. being shirtless#plus those silly sunglasses but the main thing is the shirtless mess#because if he can’t be shirtless during the day in society then he might as well be shirtless when he’s out being a badass#the three of them are dumbasses (affectionate)#the only reason luffy looks as put together as he does is because sabo helped him pick the outfit and it’s extremely comfortable#mostly to help luffy get jobs. luffy does whatever job he feels like doing every day!#some days he’s a waiter some days he’s a gardener some days he’s a cashier#when Lois eventually gets over his paranoia over luffy popping up everywhere and finds out luffy is sabo’s brother he starts#paying luffy to babysit Anya. which of course means sabo is babysitting the both of them because trusting luffy to watch a child is maybe#not the best idea.
965 notes
·
View notes
Text
DIABOLIK LOVERS Night Pool Ruki Mukami Acrylic Photo Card
#you guys seemed to like the bromide i posted the other day#and since i'm guessing that ruki's abs played a not insignificant part in said admiration#i figured you wouldn't mind some more eye candy heheh#so this one is especially for you; my fellow women and men of culture \(///∇///)\#enjoy (*^་།^*)#ruki mukami#diabolik lovers#diabolik lovers official art#ruki's abs#mine#not my proudest work tbh#i tried for the longest time to find the bromide but no luck#so had to settle for this one instead which unfortunately turned out to have miscolorings and scratches so...yeah#i did my best lol#hopefully those glorious abs will make up for the flaws dhdjfj#i'm still looking for the bromide btw and if i manage to snag one you better believe i'll post it as soon as i receive it (☆`• ω •´)b#but in the meantime we'll have to make due with this
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
I think one thing i really hate about Veilguard is that in this attempt to make Solas less sympathetic they do simplify his motivations and end up doing things specifically for people to dislike him (re: the whole Varric storyline),
but they also just make everyone around him paragons of virtues so it becomes clearer, so it does end up being too black and white.
Like Solas has flaws! he's ruthless! he would kill his friends if they got in the way of his goals! A lot of people died because of the calls he made! he's pragmatic! he copes by not seeing people as "real"! He manipulates other people! those sucks, right?
But in DAI he's balanced with Bull who also says that he has to deshumanize the people in front of him to just be okay with killing them. or Vivienne who casually mentions that killing the servants is a normal way to play The Game. Or Dorian who argues in favor of slavery in the main game and then approves of Fen'Harel's methods in Trespasser after he starts to realize radical action is necessary. Or Blackwall who made a terrible call too as a general once and still is paying the consequences of it. Or Leliana who is also someone who was made into a weapon to support someone she loved "her call, but my conscience to bear the consequences". Also just Leliana or Vivienne or Josephine being quite manipulative themselves.
Or even Felassan in The Masked Empire letting Imshael kill innocent elves, being ready to kill Briala once she starts to see through his plan.
Or Solas' arrogance over everything he knows about the past that clashes with Morrigan's own arrogance about it when they talk in the Temple of Mythal.
Veilguard meanwhile both have the most inoffensive companions of the whole franchise (none of them deal with guilt for something they actually did, at worse they have misplaced guilt (Bellara), else don't worry even the assassin knows he only ever kills bad people. (compared to Zevran who knows he had been sent to kill people who perhaps didn't deserve it).), and when it can bring back a character from before, it's by stripping them of anything that would make them sympathize with Solas.
Re: Felassan losing his edge completely just to be shocked about Solas' actions, or Morrigan joking about how she humansplained him elven history and "resolving" her conflict with Mythal offscreen to better lecture Solas' about his own later. (which i'm so angry at, Morrigan's "arc" this game made me so angry, my god.)
So instead of Solas being flawed, the way Any Dragon Age Character is flawed, he's demonized to the extreme while also refusing to have any characters match his freak.
And it's not even mentioning how Rook fails at also having any chances of relating to Solas, in a way the Inquisitor could (if only because as a leader sometimes you make calls that will get people killed. Re, all the people who died in Adamant or in the Grey Wardens' War Table missions, and it's not even mentioning the one War Table mission about whether to sacrifice innocents to find Red Templars or give up on a promising lead.)
And it's why lots of Solas' fans will end up being much more defensive about him because the gap created in Veilguard is just... deeply out of synch with the way the franchise had dealed with controversial characters yet.
That makes Veilguard a lot more frustrating than it even is to start with.
#my fav characters are usually liars and people who carries intense guilt for things they actually did#i gravitate toward those charas and it's why DA fed me so well.#I feel like a starving orphan in DAVG like... please... please give me anything to chew on...#bc only Solas has something interesting going on and it's by sacrificing everything that's set up about him in DAI....#ichasalty#ichablogging davg#ichatalks about da#sorry 'im still stewing about the game#i've drafted so many complains but seems like this one won't get the privilege of staying With Me Only.#post motivated by the fact i have such Horrible Bastard Songs in my Solas' playlist#that you wouldn't imagine i'd have bc of how defensive i get#but i'm only defensive bc the critisms are pushed so far i loop back to 'he never did anything wrong actually'#if the game wanted the grace of my nuanced reading it shouldn't have taken me for a child who doesnt know nuance#like i started the game going 'i'm for VeilDown but there GOTTA be better ways to achieve it than Solas' plans'#'and i can't accept how much sacrifice would come with Solas' plan we GOTTA find an alternative'#and i finished the game pretty much on 'he should have just torn the veil at the fucking beginning.'#i was nuanced! until the game started to take me for an idiot.
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
May I offer you some Domestic Kazurei in this trying time?
#I’m not part of the BSD fandom but you guys seem like you’re having a rough day 😅#so for those of you who also like Buddy Daddies I hope this helps#eepy Rei is so fun to draw for some reason#it’s free therapy#also HC that this happens on a daily basis#I’m still so very normal about them#kazurei#buddy daddies#my art#reikazu#buddy daddies fanart#kazurei fanart#rei suwa#kazuki kurusu#also peep the rings 👀#I will draw their wedding rings up close one day#I have like a whole HC for what they look like
190 notes
·
View notes
Text
I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.
I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.
It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.
There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.
#its just like idk i dont think Curly was a bad captain because we only have this scenerio and I certainly dont think a man like Swansea#would like him or have very little issues with him specifically if he was incompentent or too lienent in the past but I do think the stress#was making him worse and worse as being a present leader as it dawned on him how much he actually had to handle like I really think he#just wanted to do yknow normal captain pilot stuff and fly the ship and yknow the little stuff like make sure things run right and over tim#the constant stress and strain of having to make every major choice started to grate on him and freak him out cause they cant even fucking#eat unless he pulls out the scanner and starts cooking like he has to choose the meal likely or have a vote and i make that part of the#reason he seems so indecisive and inactive is the fact he has to make the choice all the time and he's hoping he can at least make the crew#feel a little more in control of themselves as people by staying out of affairs like the game or disputes because god he literally has to#choose for them all the time like thats a lot of responsibility monitering their sleep their breaks food consumption thats all on him like#it really should be another persons job entirely as thats almost like absoulte contrl over the lives of everyone else that PE forces onto#that title and its also crazy how everyone accepts it even if they dont like it like they broke the food machine open rather than get the#scanner they all waited two months before Jimmy appointed himself leader its so scary how conditioned they all are to the environemnt#cause that sort of mindset is sadly real where people just wait everyone just waited until it was getting real dire and then they still#followed Jimmy without too many complaints like i saw a fic or post where Anya acknowledges they all kinda just let Jimmy do what they want#because he became the captain and it was stupid on all their parts cause they could clearly see how bad he was and yet he was captain so#they just fell in line to their roles and thats a bigger point towards how PE treated them and the complacency capitalism brings to you#just like something that irks me because idk I know Curly is slow to act but he's not as like unopinionated as people make him out to be#like he does try to find solutions but they are still restricted at the end of the day by what PE provides them and I think his biggest c#crime is being in his own head too much and not giving Anya that emotional stability cause like idk man was he supposed to go to Home Depot#himself and install like padlocks? even if the let Anya sleep in medical after she pointed it out she was already pregnant at that point#like we arent seeing the inherent issue that no one not even Anya herself was thinking of the preventative measures because a)there was a#point nothing was happening that necessitated them b) it would've been the responsibility of PE to address them pre and post incident and c#there is only one person on the entire ship given the authority to do anything. You can not make multiple important choices in one instance#in such little time and Curly should not have had that total power like i think the most interesting thing in takes that really blame Curly#is that level of control they give him over the company. Like again i think about the three days we miss between the eval/party and the#convo/crash like i think people switch them around as if those scenes happen in succession when they are broken up and its heavily implied#Curly and Jimmy just havent been talking vs the depiction that she told him and for like three days Curly was just chummy despite the fact#Jimmy and him just had a blow out fight like the next time we assume they talk is during the crash sequence cause he honestly hangs#around Anya more which i think is really important because she trust Curly to defend her himself but not his judgement to give her somethin#to defend herself as she knows he believes her but also knows she's not seeing the danger the same and its heartbreaking and more
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
Between some of Tuvok's favorite music being monks chanting, having a copy of a proto-Vulcan drama in his quarters, reciting poetry that no one else likes (his own? someone else's? unclear: It's a talent night which implies the former but the two who mention it say 'Vulcan poetry' - not 'His/Tuvok's poetry') buying a meditation lamp from a Vulcan master even though the guy doubled the price on him last minute, the fact that he's always reading alone in the mess hall and wants others to know he stands apart from them (taking steps to ensure this is the case), and that he's memorized The Dictates of Poetics by T'hain of Vulcan (being very opinionated about them), I feel like we the audience can cobble together a lot about his taste in media and that's honestly so special. He also likes and actively follows sumo wrestling. That's important. Not because it adds or subtracts to what I've said above but because I think it's kind of funny. He, Janeway, and Chakotay all just really like sumo.
#Tuvok#chara analysis#not really but <3#star trek voyager#If Tuvok were alive in the modern day he'd be one of those people in the comments of a song lamenting how tiktok ruined it#by making it popular#if he was young and in fandom he'd be lamenting about how someone's spotify playlist for X Character is SO off base#He owns records. He owns records and still looks down on everyone else who owns records. Because they're doing it for 'the aesthetic'.#He and Tom are at each other's throats they'd HATE each others taste in music and film etc#But despite everything you can and should say about Tuvok - he does not hate women. So. I will forgive him for being annoying <3#I didn't notice before that Tuvok seems to like literature a lot...#I don't know if (TOS - the only one I care about) Spock has any stated interests besides the lute#I know T'Pol reads like - the Vulcan bible but does she read anything else/have any other hobbies?#I think she also exercises but idk if that counts as a HOBBY
17 notes
·
View notes
Note
es should go through the blender but my finger is tired of holding down the button. so i shall pass the blender to you (with an es nui in it). do whatever you wish with them.
Oh why thank you :) I will take the blender gladly :) *Tosses some T2 angst into the blender* *adds a little bit of funky structure/style* *gives it a little pinch of headcanons* *and another pinch of random angst I got from ace attorney at 14 and never forgot* :) BBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Caretaker Log J.16.7.2
Summary – The Warden’s condition continues to worsen since last entry. All decline remains self-inflicted.
J.16.7.2-M – Sleep deprivation has resulted in mood swings and irritability. Though denied by the Warden, extreme distress, melancholy, and laughter have been noted. They lash out verbally and physically toward the prisoners (1) only to apologize at a later time. Observations (2) result in speculation that hallucinations are another symptom.
J.16.7.2-B – The Warden's obsession with notetaking remains steady, though most pages of planning are merely rewritten versions of earlier notes. Their nightly ritual has grown more rigorous: four cups of coffee ingested in the time between dinner and the kitchen’s closing. A fifth cup is brought back to the courtroom, where the Warden will once again sleep on the ground. (Refer to J.5.5.2.B for initial detail.)
J.16.7.2-P – Sleep deprivation and/or caffeine intake has caused shakiness and overall weakness. They show severe eyebags and have not changed into nightclothes in several days. Though they wash themself and fresh civilian clothes have been provided, they insist on returning to the uniform. Motor skills (3) and computation abilities have suffered.
J.16.7.2-S – The Warden spends their days around the prisoners, but avoids participating in all necessary conversations and activities regardless of invitation (4). They limit speech to the Caretaker only about their denied request (5), though they can be coaxed into conversation when fatigue overtakes them.
(1) After 005 offered the Warden something to help with their sleep, they threw the pills to the ground and shouldered past with force; 008 attempted to read the Warden’s notes, and they slapped her hand away.
(2) Flinched away from 003 even when standing still; shocked expression at 004's face despite nothing out of the ordinary; looked nauseous and refused to eat fresh fruit from the dining hall; interrupted a conversation with 010 to listen to silence.
(3) Handwriting has grown nearly intelligible; dropped one of their coffee cups and nearly panicked at the subsequent breakage and spill.
(4) Left the room when 002 began setting up a game; ignored 001's encouragement to join him for a meal; refused to answer personal questions from 006; snapped at 007 when trying to begin a lighthearted conversation.
(5) Request submitted on 30.8.2 for padlocks to fit supply closet and cell doors.
Appendix. Subjective caretaker commentary – Poor kid. I’m glad it’ll all be over soon.
#milgram#es#(okay so i wanted to do something fantasy-esque like fugue route but i kept getting Plagued with this concept)#i love leaning into milgram as an experiment -- no matter how unethical and fucked up its still organized and the data meticulously reporte#it was weird to do something that stated much more than narrative writing but still felt like it was leaving a lot of blanks in the story#the aa angst is godots coffee obsession/his fear of falling back asleep -- after the disaster of es' t1 nap i think they would do#everything in their power to stay awake when they think its getting closer to trial closing time ;--; even if its killing them ;--;#if theyre not in their room jackalope cant give them the report#if theyre hyped up on caffeine their body cant be drugged to sleep#if they just take a few more notes on the prisoners... just do a little more planning of verdicts... everything will be okay...#if they just...#< reflecting the audience's obsession with controlling the prisoners/outcomes in es my beloved <3#what hurt most is that this trial end came late compared to t1 -- the reference to the other entry is meant to show they were#preparing for the trial end since 5/5 when it should have been if the numbers worked out the same#thus theyve been destroying their body ever since then - it would have been 70+ days in between and im SAD#i know nothing about how social experiments/psychology info is documented but as someone doing specifically organized technical writing it#was super fun to come up with a little fantasy system for experiment documents :3#the letters are meant to stand for mental/behavioral/physical/social -- those seemed like pretty standard categories for a case study?#oh and the padlock request was made the day of amanes interrogation 😅#also peppering in a headcanon from mug im still crazy over about es seeing glimpses of the mvs as hallucinations when theyre too tired#one of these days ill finally write fantasy milgram... we'll see...#thank you so much for the request!!!#the holidays delayed it a bit but it was super fun to work on :3#blend them........#drabbles
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
Thomas Daun (left) and Tobias Forge (right) in 2020.
Photo taken by Jimmy Johansson
#was searching the deep dark web last week and found this gem#tbh I’m so happy they still talk to each other#I wondered if they ever kept in touch over the years after Repugnant and Subvision#and it seems like they have!#love how they have guy time#drink a few beers and catch up on each other’s life#maybe Tom can play for Ghost one day?#also#Tom is like a walking canvas#LOOK AT ALL THOSE TATTOOS-#thomas daun#tom bones#tobias forge#jimmy johansson
42 notes
·
View notes
Text
I wish cats were like dogs where you could take them to a cat park or kitty daycare or on a playdate and let them run around with other hyper energetic kittens for several hours and then you bring them back home and they're so played out that they're just chill the rest of the day. Astrid is in her preteen phase now and she has the most violent destructive zoomies of any cat I've ever seen. Our older male cat can't keep up with her when she really wants to play and neither can we. I just played with her until she flopped from exhaustion TWICE a few hours ago and she's already jetting around at near light speed knocking shit off every horizontal surface and doing kickflips off of us with her claws out again
#😭#i love her but shes killing me#shes also started trying to shred every piece of paper she sees including tissues and toilet paper and etc#shes been knocking over all our small trashcans and pulling the bags out to climb inside of them#(she loves climbing inside plastic bags and its terrifying)#and shredding all the tissues that were previously in those bags in the process#she pulled the toilet paper off the roll the other day. shes been attacking our rugs and dragging them around the floor#today after i thwarted her from getting into shit on trixies desk several times#she discovered that shes big enough to jump onto the high shelf on TOP of trixies desk and knocked over a little cactus#dirt all over the carpet. cactus destroyed. (luckily she seems fine tho)#i KNOW shes acting up bc she needs to play more but man how are we supposed to keep up with this 😭#she has the energy of a thousand lesser kittens#like literally ive raised dozens of kittens throughout my life. some i even bottle raised from newborns#and i swear i have NEVER had one that's as rambunctious as she is#there's only one that even comes CLOSE and astrid still totally eclipses her#astrid could run LAPS around lizard. probably literally#rambling#(disclaimer the stuff i said about dogs is mainly from my experience pet sitting my regular clients high energy big dogs#i mainly had low-mid energy small dogs growing up so i never really had to worry about this before lol)#edit: i forgot this is actually the second plant she's knocked off a shelf and destroyed the last couple weeks#first one was luckily over hard floor and not carpet tho#edit 2: specified older male cat above only bc our older female cat won't even try#she's terrorized by astrids zoomies more than we are#edit 3: forgot to mention wrt the tissue thing that while i was gone for literally One Hour the other day#she tore all the tissues out of a tissue box and then got her head stuck in there 😭#my gf came home to find shredded tissues all over the place and astrid banging around the apartment trying to get the box off her head#this child WORRIES ME
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
men are so disappointing in so many ways i know i shouldn't expect most of them to be dignified humans but it's crazy. i need to get over this guy he's making my sense of self crumble even faster than it usually does. like he's just so unlike my usual type and i'm pretty convinced he's stupid and slutty and not discerning whatsoever. not to mention boring like i know even if i did have a chance with him he wouldn't Get Me at all so it's a bigger waste of time that usual and i'm actually pretty tired of men in general and definitely tired of parasocial relationships because they drive me insane for months typically. thankfully it's only been like 2 weeks if that at this point. idk. sigh. i know literally virtually nothing abt him as a person and ofc liking any public figure who you know nothing about is only setting yourself for heartbreak and disappointment to begin with bc you already know nothing is gonna come from it but. in a way it's almost addictive to become obsessed with someone and not be looked at with the same level of scrutiny. i don't think anyone in real life would ever try to get to know me as much as i try to get to know people who i'll never even meet. lmao! but that's the thing... idk... i have a lot of love in my heart and it consumes me and i reject my pride usually when i'm into someone. i want to know more... like VORACIOUSLY consuming anything with information about them involved simply because i think knowing someone is a very deep form of love but of course you can never truly know anyone. not completely. and that scares me i think which is why it's always probably been easier for me to never really TRY to be with anyone or have anything real. idk. this turned into me psychoanalyzing myself real quick but SOMEONE needs to bc i need to understand what the fuck is wrong w me.
#like i'm not gonna lie and say i do this every time i'm even vaguely interested in someone. most of the time i'm just like 'ooo hottie'#and then save a bunch of pics before either the shame gets to me or i just stop caring and move on. happens quite a bit more than my#obsessive episodes. the worst one was absolutely the fact that i was obsessed with jeremy for basically 3 years and spent two hating him#simply because i thought i was owed anything. honestly i think i was just very very insanely depressed. that's probably why those#obsessive periods even happen to begin with because i have felt so so horrible like soul ripped out horrible the past few weeks lmao#and i think i'm just a grasp for any light in the dark type person like it doesn't even necessarily mean anything the person is just someon#i attach significance to them when i do this shit but i know deep down that i'm owed nothing and that i truly expect nothing#it's just nice to have a distraction from my life. and dgmw that doesn't make me any less schizo about certain details and happenings#like i'll still think that 'oh they're only doing that because i'm into them' or 'they only went here because it was related to something i#was thinking about earlier' and whatever else. i know what i am. i don't claim to be anything else. and i know it puts people off.#and that i'm not likely to get any better if i keep doing it. if it's even possible for me to get better. but idk. it's interesting bc i've#thought more about what my life means to me and the kind of person i am and how my brain works and how everything affects me#more in the past few weeks than i seem to have in the last 5 years. i think i'm really getting better at accepting hard truths.#time spent by yourself is still time spent with the world.... and the more i think... even if it's hurtful... i'm growing and changing all#the time. i don't think if this was 4 years ago i would've even acknowledged the fact that i can't write off on This Guy's zionism#and other things about him that give me the ick (hate that phrase but whtevr) like him playing that gay hogwarts game and being a nepo baby#like bro you have trans friends and supposedly always 'look out for the small guy'. he's also never dated a fat girl despite his mom being#kind of a trailblazer for fat women in the entertainment industry. there's always rumors of him dating literally ever costar he's ever#worked with i guess simply because he seems like that kind of guy. and to be fair he does LMAO#honestly i don't know if i believe he's a bad person but i won't sign off on a guy i like being boring and stupid. that's just me#i'm sure ppl reading this who also don't Get Me are wondering why any of this even matters and the point is that it kind of doesn't lmao#but it's my life and i typically choose to care about people who will never even know i exist. unpopular girl instinct i suppose. maybe i'm#destined to be unloved or something but for now i wear fantasies like a blanket. maybe one day i won't need them anymore. but i def#do not need to center my romantic ideals on a guy i would be embarrassed to tell people i'm dating if i were actually dating him. rough#now just give me a month to get over it and finish the 2nd season of a show i like that he's in and i'll be rid of it hopefully. we'll see
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Recent-ish things ~
#photo diary#1 - love this image of Noodle.. such a weird angle that makes his head look entirely round like a puff ball or something#2 - a more recent (still from months ago) collection of my pressed flowers and 4 leaf clovers I found.#3. Being one of the only people in 2024 still going 'hee heee I've just bought a new wii game!' but.. I have. >:3#It's kind of like Wii Sports Resort but is like.. open world? so your character can actually walk around and stuff. REALLY makes me#wish I had the type of set up where I could record video from my wii and stuff like some gaming youtubers have. I think it'd be a really#fun game to play on video and to DOCUMENT it!!! I keep wishing I could screenshot my little guy walking around but I caaant..#I've literally just been taking out my phyiscal camera and photographing the screen which always looks bad.. augh..#4. Something in the froxen food aisle called 'Wellington Bites' a play on beef wellington. suprisingly good actually. but I guess anything#with like beef and mushrooms usually is. But it seems like.. oddly decent for frozen food stuff.#5 - boye looking Round again.. 6 - updated score in the wii fit minigame again. This time less than 4 seconds#for each round? which may be a record for me? 7 & 8 - fat bird in the snow. fatt bird in the SNOW!! Hoping that climate change and H5N1#don't eventually remove all trace of birds and winter weather from my life in the future... -_-#9 - ..ough... a few paltry writings.. Except for the one day of 4000 words. But for the most part I have been making soo litte progress#because of the holidays and drs appointments and such a rush of all these other mind distracting things.. Or if I'm not doing something the#I'm feeling tired from having PREVIOUSLY done something so I waste the whole day being sleepy and headachey... GRR...#the funny thing is that like many many years ago I wrote a note on my wall saying 'FOCUS! write 2hr a day or more or youre going to finish#your game in 2025!!!' - which back in 2018 when I wrote it was like unimaginably far into the future but now... ahem.. hem... I guess that#is quite literally the case LOL. To my credit I did parctically abandon it entirely since late 2019 and JUST now picked up really#trying to focus on it in mid 2024 but still... My '''ridiculous'' projection being actually likely the correct one..#10 - I just thoughtit would be silly to put a bunch of keychain things on the wii remote. imagine playing this way. getting constantly#jabbed in the hand by plastic bits. and the jingling clinking noise it would be always making lol#11 - sky.. huzzah for the sky as always. Clouds my beloved#Gr.. I just really want to wriiite. My new years hopes are to finish my game and to get stuff set up to start selling sculptures again.#AND then maybe do more game videos lol... I miss playing games. I dont think I've posted on that youtube for like 5 months#I've just had so much appointments and Things and Stuff and focusing so much on other projects. But that is the thing that really#feels relaxing and fun for me. so like.. 1. finish game 2. sell sculpture/make sculpture 3. play games 4. find more friends#and social connection and networking or whatever the hell people have to do to be successful 5. do more costume/outfits.#<( saying this all on a day where I did none of those things LOL... I got erm.. maybe 400 words done today.. >:'3c )#6 is MOVE away from the evil west coast (hot.. fires in summer. etc) but like. not happening unless I suddenly become a millionaire so. -_-
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
:)c
#vent#who else alone on christmas eve and christmas#I got no one gifts#no dinner#no family to celebrate with because everyone is too far away#everyone seems to have someone there and I just...#I love my roommate don't get me wrong. But there's so little we can do.#I'll figure it out.#I always do#It still hurts.#I wanna see my mom.#She just moved and I don't have any days off to go see her because my company is dogshit#ugh#I was saving up for a new car too.#Didn't end up working out#so I was left with net 0 for Christmas#Everything just fell apart this year#I have people but it's so lonely losing everything in one year.#I gained a bunch don't get me wrong#but I've lost a lot with myself too#I'm healing though. I am. I'm going to get better.#It's just one of those damned rough patches.#I'll be alright.#Merry Christmas everyone.
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
sigh. i think i just do not like dogs very much lol
#just me hi#don't kill me but they are not for me#and i think our dog is alright :) but i am glad he's not mine jfshvh#i'm nervous and unsure about them every time i interact and i don't know why!#tried to tell my mother that at least and she just kinda brushes me off ? so i guess i'll just have to contend with this lol#he's still being trained but i dunno. don't think that kind of animal is for me#which sucks cuz i really did want to like them!! but they're confusing and a bit annoying and a decent sprinkling of scary#and he's a PUPPY. this is the goofiest problem ever jfsvhjfh#+ the dog at work still makes me nervous too.. this is a very Blahhh situation lol#'you've just gotta learn to stop being scared of them' but that Does mean that i have to interact with them more. and it seems#every time i do i just get more nervous ?? urgh#guess i'm not for dogs ! oh wells!#//and in other news why is it that every weekend i do not hesitate to obliterate my sleep schedule Lmfshvjfh#like without Fail it's actually crazy#//OH and it snowed a couple days ago too btw !! like almost a foot of snow i believe which is cool :D#i walked to work and it was fuuuun i enjoyed it :D#though i didn't get a chance to take pictures bc they'd plowed the road by the time i got out </3 it was so cool though !!#//oh also we were playing one of our story games last night w/ siblings :3#it's our longest-running one (it's been ongoing for maybe over a year or so! wild) and the amount of stuff that has Happened is so much Lol#i think last night they helped free half-a-town's worth of people from mine work (the mine turned out to be a crater from a Wish that hadn'#come true so they were mining the tiny shards of the wish-star bc they still have the chance to grant veeery small wishes!) and then also#got the guy that had kidnapped and enslaved them (for ransom + tax reasons) killed “by accident”#/they got into even more arguments with the other characters they're traveling with-#/OH chess also almost strangled one of those guys to death in the mine Lmaooo#there was a whole moment when he realized i was dying jfsvjgh#//yea though i have got to go get some thangs done though..#my dad used all the hot water so i'm just. waiting... stewing.... sauteeing...... gently marinating.............#ooeeoo#yea though !! hope i can work on some ideas i have today !! let's cross hands and hold fingers. wait#anywho Yea i'm gonna get on that 💥 CIAO
7 notes
·
View notes
Note
hello; i just wanted to say i respect you immensely for the resources you publish on a daily basis. i'm sure you have your own motivations for doing so, but if it ever becomes hard for you to manage, please take some time to care for yourself and your health. you are far more important than i feel you give yourself credit for.
You are so sweet, dear Anon. No worries, though! About +90% of my posts on this blog are now queued. It seems like I'm always on here, but I'm not. Usually you can tell I'm here when I answer replies on posts, or messages like this. But sometimes these are queued too. Or is it.
#anonymous#yup this one's queued too i'm actually not here (maybe) when this posts#sometimes i log on here in between “life” & im just here for a split sec to answer a few qs then im gone again (like rn)#& the queue does the heavy lifting#like i can leave this blog alone for days & uh there WILL be posts (did this a few times alr & so sry if it seemed i was ignoring messages)#& bc i need to space out my posts bc i used to get messages that i post too much like someone said im the only one they see on their dash#& my “motivations” for this is that a lot of this has been in my drafts and old files too long - just wanted to organise them initially#but uh yeah theyre still a mess --- work in progress for me !#& was more of a mess when i accidentally clicked the “shuffle” queue --- that one time#so at first i q'd 1 post a day but then the queue ran til like 2027 & i was like i need to q more per day#so im soooo sry for littering ur dash -- i have the sideblogs for those who want a less chaotic posting sched#no but seriously thank you for this lovely message#i hope you're taking care of yourself too & i really appreciate you taking the time to message me#ok i talk too much be back again soon ---- bye#<3
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hi urgent question, what does it mean when the friend that left you five years ago remakes the playlist she made you for your eighteenth birthday with the description, "For all that which I needed to leave behind. Tall tales (which was the name of the playlist she made for your birthday), great mistakes, and the time of my life." And another playlist with the description, "My life as it is! Taller tales than ever before." And posts them both to the Spotify she knows you can see? What does it mean? Hello what does this mean??!? I need someone to please present the correct answer because I don't know what to think or feel but I can't stop looking at the playlists and crying, and I'm at work so that's not great, so I just need an answer please.
#i cant ask her because we are no contact and have been for most of those five years#i dont know if its a way to broach breaking no contact or if its just her eay of coping#with the situation st hand#but then she couldve posted them privately if she didnt want me to see them#so did she want me to see them? it seems so because she referenced the playlist she made me and one of them is a remake#so it seems like a message for me. ehats the message?#that she wants to come back? that she never wants to come back and i need to get used to that?#that shes just fucking with me? but shes not cruel like that#she was never cruel like that. she wouldn't post them just to hurt me#and the description of the second playlist makes it seem like an attempt at connection. right?#like a view into her life#but the description on the first one sends a different message#i feel like im standing in front of an imaginary conspiracy board and wuickly letting it consume me#in a way that if i was a detective i would be taken off the case for getting too close#ive been trying to analyze the lyrics of the song choices and what they could mean#some of them on the playlist thats a remake of my birthday playlist are from the original birthday playlist#but when she sent me that birthday playlist she said the order mattered#and now the order is different and there are some different songs so does the order still matter?#if it does. which im sure it does because i knew her. then what does it mean?#im the meme 'what does it mean? what does it all mean??#this time of year and also every day is hard with missing her and such#but i thought i was doing a little better. getting iver losing her. internalizing that shes not coming back#and then i checked her spotify and found the damn fucking playlists and now im spiraling#and i just wish i could talk to ger about it but i cant break no contact#i feel like the guy in paper towns. but in that one the girl didnt want to be found. she left the clues to show she was alright#but didnt want to be found by the guy that cared enough to put the clues together#i am at work and spiraling and trying not to cry in front of coworkers but i cant stop going iver the playlists and#trying to analyze them#can someone please tell me what they mean beyond a shadow of a doubt so i can breathe again?
6 notes
·
View notes