#Emmy on the mind so he still came out anyway

[timethehobo]

Scribbly. The brain was too blank today but a modern Emmy managed to turn up.

[guessimwritingficsagain]

It's lonely at the end of the world (until it's not)

Summary : Joel meets a woman on patrol.

Warnings : Mature content, MDNI, reader has been raped and it's clearly at the center of the story (not byJoel, though), ANGST.

Tags : Just ask.

———

Joel heard the breathing first, a rapid staccato that spelt fear in its rhythm. He turned the corner to a gun pointed to his face and as always, his mind went to this place, this corner it created for itself so he could survive. 

Funny, he numbly thought, how his treacherous brain still managed to keep him alive although he’d wanted to die so many times. 

He looked ahead to see a woman, clothes stiff with dirt. Her hands were steady, and she stood tall, but when he met her eyes he saw it- fear. 

And then, voices-

Men.

‘Come on, she couldn’t have gone far.’ Said one.

‘Why are we even botherin’ ? I mean, we had our fun, right ? We’ll find another one. She was kinda borin’ anyway.’ Added another. 

A third voice, then :

‘She killed Johnny and took his gun. We findin’ the bitch.’

Three men meant three guns. But that woman still hadn’t shot him, and that’s when he saw it : two scars, on each side of her mouth, shaped into a smile. And that’s when he decided :

‘How many, total ?’ He whispered. 

After a breath, one of her hands left the handle of the gun and raised three fingers in the air. 

‘Guess you took care of Johnny boy for me, right ?’ He answered. 

She didn’t laugh but her eyes widened.

‘There’s a closet right there. Get in. Stay hidden.’

And then he added, because he was a bit of an asshole but that had kept him alive for so long :

‘Word of advice : stop breathin’ like that, unless you wanna get killed.’

She slowly lowered the gun and glanced to the closet. 

‘Go on’ Joel urged her. ‘Get in there.’ 

When he heard the click of the closet door closing, he got to work. 

And that’s how he met you. 

———

You watched as this stranger dumped the bodies outside and then : 

‘I’m Joel, by the way. Joel Miller.’

You nodded. He waited, then sighed, and added :

‘You take one of the beds. I’ll keep watch from the couch. You can go your own way or you can come with me, come mornin’’ 

You nodded again, a bit lost, a bit weary, a bit everything because that man had just killed three men in cold blood but had never asked to surrender your weapon. Hadn’t asked - demanded - anything else either.

There was a part, locked far away in your brain, that remembered what kindness was like, felt like - you were ten and the neighbor next door would offer you a cookie just because, you were eight and your friend at school (Emmy was her name, you remembered) split her chocolate bar with you, just because. 

Laying on the bed, you watched the ceiling - there were cracks everywhere, you wouldn’t be surprised if some bit of paint fell on you during the night. 

Mostly, you waited- waited for him to come and collect. 

But he didn’t. 

He didn’t come. 

Joel Miller stayed on the couch, and when it finally hit you, when you understood, you cried, face buried in the mattress- and your crying was a silent thing, the bastard child of desperation and relief. 

The morning light came and with it you could look at Joel properly and you saw him as someone else, anew. Here was this man, his broad shoulders, his confidence, willing to give you a home. You wanted to both run out of distrust and cry out of disbelief. You rode with him, arms tight around his waist, head on his back and that’s when you heard it - the steady beat of his heart. I changed something in you, like something that had been dead and buried was suddenly, even though shyly, blossoming right there, in between your ribs.

You stopped at a place too clean to be abandoned and Joel said- no, announced :

‘We stay here tonight. Tomorrow, we’ll reach Jackson.’

Once again the words got stuck in your throat. There was something, there, stuck, something that had settled in after one too many ‘you gonna be nice for me, right ?’ Right before you heard the sound of a belt buckle being undone. 

You took a bed, he took watch, but you couldn’t sleep, so, arms hugging yourself, you kneeled right beside where he was sat on a chair, gun ready. You cheek sat on his thigh and he tensed, weary and ready to bolt.

‘Whatever you think might be happenin’ here, it ain’t, lady.’ He warned you. 

I know. You wanted to say, but the words were stuck, they’d been stuck for so long you didn’t even remember what your voice sounded like. And past-you would find it both pathetic and worrisome that you would so easily trust that man and seek comfort in him. But past-you was gone. So you kept your head on his thigh and fell asleep just like that. 

———

‘Alright’, Maria said, ‘we have a few spare bedrooms so you can get one, have some space.’

Past-you would have thanked her. Past-you would have shaken Joel’s hand, thanked him, and would have taken the room. 

Past you was still gone, and probably never coming back. 

The movement is blurry - will remain blurry, probably forever - how you grasp Joel’s arm, words chocking you because desperate as you are you can’t give them a voice, and then you cry, and though the moment is blurry you will always remember how bad it is, in that moment, to not be able to say please, I need you, you saved me, please. 

———

They let you stay with him.

You’d come to understand that about Jackson : there were rules, but you could do things if you wanted. 

They let you stay with Joel and on the first night, in that strange bedroom, eyes wide open despite the bone-crushing exhaustion you were feeling, you got up from that very nice bed, and walked, bare-footed, wearing soft clothes, your body clean for the first time in ages, you knocked on Joel’s bedroom door. 

When you opened it, Joel started :

‘Listen, you don’t owe me-‘

To be cut off when you slipped under the covers and put your head on his chest. His heartbeat was in a bit of a frenzy and it did take him a while to relax and put his arm around you. 

And so you slept.

The first night.

The second. 

The third. 

The tenth. 

And on, and on. 

Until you lost count. 

You’d wake up wrapped around him, like an octopus, really. And you would have felt ashamed if not for the fact that you’d learnt to know that Joel Miller was oh so lonely. 

You still didn’t talk, so he did it for the both of you, would put a cup of coffee in your hands and talk about Ellie - who didn’t want to see him anymore but he kept an eye out. There was that time he came back from patrol with a bunch of books about sign language and offered :

‘I know you write things when you wanna say somethin’, but maybe we could just- y’know, try this.’

———

You’re at the Bison when it happens. You’re with Maria and Tommy, and Joel’s a the bar getting a refill. You’re watching him - you’re always watching, as if he’ll disappear. And this woman, this really pretty woman, slides up to him and starts talking. And then she makes him laugh. And he stays there, for quite a while, drinks forgotten for a second, or a minute, or an eternity. 

You leave before he comes back. 

When he comes home you’re on the couch reading a book. You’re distracted as soon as he comes in, though, but you don’t get the chance to pretend because he sits right next to you, one arm around your shoulders, on arm on your waist, and he whispers :

‘Remember that day when you came home from the gardens with Theo ? Can you even imagine how mad I was ? ‘Cause I was. I want you be be mine but I never thought you’d want that.’ 

You nod, you nod so hard and you think you might cry- and you do cry, because then, Joel chases away a tear with his thumb and coos :

‘Baby, calm down. I’m yours, too.’ 

And for the first time in years you’re facing a man who will demand nothing but will ask what you want and who will, no matter how broken you are, treat you with patience and just- wait. 

You don’t want to wait. 

You nod again, get up and go to the bedroom. Joel follows, and then watches as un undress, slowly. He’s still as a statue, eyes wide. You’re naked, scars mapping your body on open display. You reach for him and it’s like he snaps, naked as you are before you even know it. You smile at him. 

———

You smile at his and it’s a beautiful, beautiful thing, precious beyond mesure. You smile at him and he wants to bury himself in the cracks of your ribs and keep you safe

Safe

Safe

He touches your breasts first, because he has thought about them, about how soft they would look and feel. And they are soft. He touches, nibbles, licks. He finds a home, right there, where your breasts meet your ribs- where you’re the softest. Or maybe it’s not just a home he finds, it’s a church : his nose full of your scent, his tongue heavy with the taste of your skin, he thinks maybe he has found God again. 

He’s afraid, though. Afraid to be too rough. You’ve left him notes about what happened to you, written in the quiet of the night. He knows. 

He knows. 

He says

‘If I could go back, I would take my time killin’ them. Limb by limb, baby.’

I know, you sign, and he gets up to kiss you, one hand on your jaw and one hand on your heart. 

———

Taglist

@pedritobalmando @amidjarin @ajeff855 @justpedropascal @sara-alonso @sarahjkl82-blog @amidjarin @sara-alonso@justpedropasc@mrsbentallmadge @farfromjustordinary @hnt-escape @kirsteng42

[destinyc1020]

Sorry for the long post Destiny.

I do remember what anon. was talking about in terms of Zendaya getting the Emmy nom. Cause I remember her getting the Critics Choice Nom, her wearing the iconic boob armour and braids 🤩, but the Golden Globes and SAG's ignoring the show/her. So I just assumed that the Emmy's weren't gonna look at Euphoria season 1, even with it's popularity, but when I tell you I screamed when she got that nomination in July 2020. I said, "Oh SHIT" LMAO. Then whenn it came to winning I knew she had a shot cause in my mind she was in the top 3 of the ladies nominated in that category. I thought the Emmy's #1 choice was Jennifer Aniston, just cause I heard a lot of talk for "The Morning Show" and she won the GG, #2 was Laura Linney, cause it was Ozark's last season and #3 was between Z and Sandra Oh. The other two Jodie Comer and Olivia Coleman I knew weren't gonna win, not because they weren't great, I mean it's Olivia and Jodie they are beasts, but because I heard the other 4 have more chatter that award season. But I still knew Z had a chance of winning it and she was MY 1st choice. And guess what she won. So long rant aside, sorry lol. Tom still does have a chance of being nominated. The Emmy's are funny like that. But if he doesn't that man is still young and has PLENTY of opportunities to keep making more films/T.V. shows.

Hey girl! 👋🏾

No worries for the long dissertation. Who am I to talk?? 🤣

Anyway, you spit nothing but FACTS with this post. 😁👍🏾 I remember it like it was yesterday too!! 😅

I was still rooting for Zendaya to get an Emmy even despite what other awards looked like, because I know that the Emmys are STRICTLY TV, so that's why I can't figure out why some fans have automatically just thrown in the towel when it comes to Tom and TCR?? 🥴

The awards season is NOT over yet! He still has some chances at some future nods this year.

Anyway.....

Boy I was over the moon when she got that nomination, you hear me?? 😁 And then, for us as a fandom to also start noticing that she started to like Tom's posts again on IG, to me, that was a sign that he must have reached out to her regarding her Emmy nod. 🥰

Ohhh what an exciting time that was!!! 👏🏾 😁

I honestly didn't think she was going to win. I thought Jennifer or Sandra were going to win it tbh lol 😆 I was just happy she was nominated chiiiiilllle lol! Rofl 😅

But imagine my surprise and excitement when they announced her name!!! Omg I think I jumped up to the ceiling that day! Rofl 😅 🙌🏾 👏🏾

So yea, like you said.... ANYTHING can happen.... That's why awards season is so EXCITING to me! 😁😅

[capricornwriter5]

OUR SEESAW - Chapter 13

Pairing: Min Yoongi x female OC

Genre: idol au, Suga X female OC, smut, fluff, angst, college romance, friends to lovers, exes to lovers, happy ending. ⚠️Warning: mentions of mental health affections, drugs, explicit sex

Words: 4k

➳ Prev. Chapter

Chapter 13 - Hold me tight

The stay in Capri was everything but hasty. Emm stayed eight rampant days there, and from the first moment she visited her friends, her sober time was reduced to a minimum. As charismatic and charming as always, Emm's social butterfly side shone during those days. Yet, there was a huge change no her, she paid absolutely no attention to any man, which was highly noticeable considering that those days she bumped into several boys she had dated. She could make many mistakes, and know almost nothing about serious relationships, but there was something she DID know: Yoongi’s worth. Respecting Yoongi was her priority.

Back home, Yoongi continued working, but now with the peace of mind that his mother would be better. Even so, there was something that bothered him, and it was not having been able to talk with Emm about the loan. He didn't want the girl to think that he was taking advantage of her. However, between their work schedule and the time change between Italy and Korea, they couldn't talk much on those days.

Over the weekend, Hobi and Namjoon stopped by to visit Yoongi at work. As expected, that greeting turned into a few beers, and there were more and more. Luckily, The place was not crowded that night, so Yoongi was able to stay on the other side of the bar and chat with them.

“Yoongi, I admire you, having so many different jobs and studying can't be easy. How did you manage it?" Hobi asked.

"I guess it has become customary..." He replied shrugging his shoulders.

“What's not normal is not seeing your girlfriend around here," Namjoon added.

"She's on a business trip. I thought she'd be back sooner, but things have come up with her family."

"Poor thing, if Emm traveled with Seri and her father, I don't doubt things came up," Hobi commented leaving Namjoon somewhat lost in the conversation. “Anyway… how are you two doing, huh? You're like lovebirds.” He joked causing Namjoon to laugh heartily and Yoongi's face to turn RED.

"Don't start… I have had enough with Jin."

“I don't blame him, you two are adorable. The stunning and cheerful girl with the taciturn and bitter musician.”

"He's not so morose and bitter when Emmy's around."

“Please…” Yoongi sighed, wishing they would stop bothering him, but he knew that wouldn't happen, his friends didn't waste an opportunity to do it.

“Emm must be walking through all the streets of Milan looking for the perfect clothes to go on a date with her mysterious musician.”

"Shut up, Namjoon," Yoongi ordered, throwing a dirty rag at him, which caused Hobi to guffaw when he saw his friend's disgusted face. "Besides, she's not in Milan, she's in Capri."

Hoseok's laughter stopped dead and there it was again… the same worried face that Yoongi had seen on him that night when they all went out together and the waiter came over to talk to Emmy and Woosung. His change was so drastic and obvious, it caused Yoongi and Namjoon to look at each other uncomfortably.

"Is something wrong, Hobi?" asked the musician.

"Is Emmy in Capri?"

"Yes, she told me that she'd take the opportunity to visit some friends."

"When is she coming back?"

"Well, I don't know yet, we haven't talked much, but I think she still has a few days left there."

The dancer was silent. If there was anything worse than Emmy and Woosung partying in Korea, it was Emmy alone in Capri. Only once had he accompanied her to one of those parties and Hoseok would never forget it. In the first place, the beauty of those mansions was something out of this world, during the day they were paradise, but when night fell, excesses and euphoria shattered everything in their path. The owners of these mansions had the world in their hands, Emmy herself had it, and while in Korea she had to keep some control, that was not the case in Capri. 

But the main reason why Hobi would never forget that trip was because that was the first time he found out that his friend consumed something other than weed. Of course, he had no idea how deep the problem was, he thought it was something occasional, a response to the wild and debauched atmosphere of the parties she frequented.

Even so, even if it was something sporadic, Hoseok was extremely uneasy about it, he was afraid that there would come a time when the drugs were stronger than Emmy's will, something that had happened a long time ago, but the girl could cleverly hide it.

"Bro, continue drinking, your face scares me." Namjoon handed him the beer as Yoongi tried to analyze the situation.

“Sorry, I think it's not just Yoongi who has a lot to do. Today I went to class very early and then I had a rehearsal. I feel as if a truck ran over me.”

Unlike Emmy, Hobi sucked at lying and the musician easily noticed it, since it wasn't normal for Hoseok to have lost his smile and become so serious just because he was tired. 

However, Hobi said nothing more about it, just a single comment as he was about to leave, but he only made it to Yoongi.

“It'd be great if Emm could come back quickly. Try to convince her." He suggested with a failed attempt of a smile; yet, the palpable concern on Hobi's look led Yoongi to keep thinking about his girlfriend's wellness.

************

The wild eight days passed, and Emmy was getting off the plane when Mr. Siu deeply sighed. It was enough for him to look at her with a cap and dark glasses to know that she had not slept at all in days.

“Miss, you look very tired. Do you want me to stop in a coffee shop?” His question broke the silence, since Emmy had gotten in the car, she had barely spoken.

"I'm fine, Mr. Siu. I just need to get some sleep" She replied in an almost inaudible voice, the girl was falling asleep as she talked.

So many days living on the edge had left Emm in a deplorable state that caused her to sleep from the moment she reached her bed until the next day. To tell the truth, when she woke up, she didn't know what day it was, nor did she remember the last time she had eaten. It took her a while to understand that she was in her bed.

Trying to ignore the anxiety, she took a long bath and tried to eat something, but she had no appetite. All she wanted to do was see Yoongi, but Emm didn't feel right doing it. She knew that her appearance was not the best, also, for the first time in her life, Emmy felt ashamed of her lifestyle and her addiction problems.

There was something else that was troubling her, the messages from Hobi asking how she was doing and when she would be back. She couldn't ignore them both, but with the face she had she could never see Hobi or Yoongi. Would it be better not to tell them that she was there? Maybe she could wait a few more days until her appearance was not that pathetic. 

No…she couldn't do that. Emmy missed her musician to such an extent that she couldn't bare it any longer, so she wrote to tell him that she had returned. Just a couple of minutes passed for Emm to get Yoongi's reply, in which he told her how much he wanted to see her. 

Yoongi never paid much attention to his phone, much less when he was working; yet, since Emmy went to Italy that has changed. In a matter of days, the musician acquired a new habit: constantly checking his notifications. It wasn't just that he was counting down the days to see her again, but he also felt an uneasiness that made him think over and over again about his girl. He didn't know what it was, but that trip to Italy was a lousy anxiety trigger. Therefore, when his phone vibrated announcing Emm's message, Yoongi nearly dropped it trying to get it out of his pocket. The boy, who used to be calm but efficient, sped up every move in order to leave work early. And he got it, Yoongi managed to reach his girlfriend's apartment before night fell.

"You're finally back, freckles." He whispered in her ear as soon as he entered and hugged her.

So much warmth... Emmy could only feel that through a hug from Yoongi. She hadn't realized how much she needed him by her side until that moment. 

“I missed you so much, Yoongs…” She said without leaving him and even closing her eyes as she enjoyed the musician's presence.

"Me too, baby," He confessed before kissing her forehead.

Once inside the house, the first thing Emmy did was ask him to play something on the piano, which turned out to be the most comforting and therapeutic thing for her. Yoongi played her favorite song, and every once in a while he would look at her and give her the sweetest smiles. He even winked at her on a couple of occasions. Yoongi had no idea what was going on, but his girlfriend wasn't the same as usual, he wanted to believe that it was just exhaustion.

"I can never get tired of listening to you. You'll always be my favorite pianist.”

“You stole my words. Come on, precious, play something. So many days without listening to you is not good for me." 

"Oh! Is the great musician Min Yoongi really asking ME to play something?" Emm joked making him laugh.

"The great musician is you. Come on, the piano is all yours."

Since their classes began, Emmy had been the most diligent and responsible student until that week. The drugs managed to take her away from what she loved the most, and as soon as she began with her song, she conveyed how hurt she came from Italy. Yoongi hadn't heard her play like that for a long time. The raw pain in Emm's music hit him so hard that it have him goosebumps all over. And if her fingers were not enough means to express how she felt, her voice did it. The girl exclusively sang when Yoongi asked her to, for he loved her voice. 

Yet, hearing Emm that night was not as endearing as always. Yoongi could easily perceive the poison in Emm's soul.  

At the end of the song, Yoongi realized that he had run out of words. The only thing on his mind was the need of hugging her and telling her that everything would be okay. No matter what Emmy was going through, he wanted to reassure her that she was brave enough to get over it, and that he would be unconditionally by her side. 

Emmy saw the look on her boyfriend's face, and before he could say anything, the girl tried to put up the same walls that had kept Hobi and Woosung apart their entire lives. That was how she diverted attention to the subject of Yoongi's mother. For his part, Yoongi did not fall so easily, he had also kept many of his friends on the sidelines, so it was easy to read Emmy's intentions. He would give her some, but soon he would try to get closer again.

After talking about the medical diagnosis, Yoongi decided that it was time to deal with a matter that had him quite distressed.

“Emm, regarding the money, I…”

"Yoongs, no... we've already talked about this, please stop worrying about it."

"I need you to listen to me, Emmy, please." The seriousness in Yoongi's gaze and voice was incentive enough to let him speak without interrupting. "I frankly appreciate what you're doing for my mother, I really do, but I feel terrible just thinking that you can think something that isn't true."

"What are you talking about?"

“Princess, you and I are from totally different worlds. You have many privileges that I can't even dream of. I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage of you. I…fuck…” he whispered before sighing at how uncomfortable that topic was for him. "Emmy, I feel terrible accepting the money you give me for the classes, and now this loan..."

"Yoongs," The girl interrupted before he continued. "It's your job, you can't feel bad about that payment."

“You are my girlfriend, I don't feel good about this. Even before we started dating I just...”

“Okay, I have an idea! When we're in front of that piano, you're going to forget I'm your girlfriend and…”

"No" Yoongi was so emphatic in his answer that no one would dare to contradict him, not even Emmy. “I won't forget that you're my girlfriend, neither in front of the piano nor far from it. No more money for lessons, freckles."

"But…"

"Please, Emmy, let me teach you how I want, not with this anguish of having to accept something that makes me feel awkward."

"But you have a lot of responsibilities, and..."

"I can handle it, I've been doing it all my life." He said caressing the back of her hand and offering her a smile. “I know that at this moment we're very limited and that there are other things that we could be doing. I've told you many times that I like being at home, and that's true, I love just staying in bed with you, just us. But I'd also like to take you to your favorite places and give you the things you like. I know what you're gonna say, baby, I know you don't need those things, but I want to do it. I want to spoil you, and I know I'm gonna do it, but could you wait a bit?"

“Okay, now, I want you to listen to me." She asked as seriously as her boyfriend. "I don't want to go anywhere, I want to eat what YOU do, I want the presents you made. I want what we already have. I want my hot boyfriend, with his leather jackets, his black t-shirts, torn jeans, and long hair showing me his lovely gummy smile. That's everything I need, Yoongi. That's what I love about you, your shy giggles while we cook together and your sexy smirks while we're in bed. Yet... I also understand that you want to live differently, things have never been easy for you, and you are fighting to change that. I can wait for you as long as necessary. I'll be more than glad to be by your side, Yoongs."

Once again, Emmy left her boyfriend speechless; fortunately, the way he kissed her allowed him to express himself properly.

Yoongi found at that moment when she opened her heart the perfect opportunity to try again. Thus, seizing the closeness that had remained when the kiss ended, the musician took a chance.

“Tell me about your trip to Italy. I didn't know anything about you."

“But, Yoongs… that's so boring. It's still early, we can go to our date at the fair.” She said trying to avoid the topic.

"My love, we aren't going anywhere but the bed."

Confused, the girl watched how Yoongi got up and went to the bathroom. He had quickly returned with Emmy's makeup remover, as well as some cotton pads. He had spent so many nights in that place, that he already knew where almost everything was.

“Yoongi, what…?”

"Can I... ?" He asked before continuing.

Emmy would never say no, so she just nodded, and that's how, very carefully, Yoongi rubbed the cotton under the girl's eyes, removing her makeup and revealing her dark circles.

“You haven't rested at all. That's why we won't go to the fair today. Let's stay home, just you and me." Subtly and with a lot of love, Yoongi launched the first blow against the walls that Emmy had built that night. He wouldn't let his girlfriend get away with fake smiles during a date. If Emmy was tired, or if something had happened on that trip, Yoongi wanted to offer her a safe place where she could let out what she genuinely felt.

Emmy lowered her gaze and tried hard not to bite her lip and show how fragile she was inside. Fortunately, Yoongi wasn't pressuring her and gave her time to respond. The boy wished Emmy would let him close that night and not find another way to evade him, but he couldn't force her.

After a silence, the girl finally gave her answer. “Can you stay tonight? Can you sleep with me?"

"Of course, I can." He responded showing a smile and kissing her cheek. “Go change while I cook dinner. Make yourself comfortable, you need to rest.”

"But…"

“You always look stunning, you know you drive me crazy when you only wear pajamas." He said with slightly red cheeks and making his girlfriend laugh before going up to change, grateful to have Yoongi in her life.

As always, Yoongi did not disappoint that night as a chef, what he prepared for dinner was so delicious that Emmy repeated it several times. Yoongi looked at her with a unique gawking smile. In the musician's eyes, Emmy was the most gorgeous and adorable woman, it still seemed unreal to him that they were together.

“Yoongs, this is delicious! I hadn't eaten like this in days." She confessed pulling him out of his thoughts.

“I figured you hadn't eaten well…why are you like this, huh? If there isn't what you like, you don't eat." He said approaching her and with the napkin, he wiped her lower lip, making her blush.

“It's your fault for cooking this way. How do you want me to settle for simple courses when I know that you prepare things like these?”

"Do you wanna know a secret? This is Mr. Jang's recipe.” He said referring to the janitor. "But if I tell him I made it, he won't stop pestering. He takes food annoyingly seriously." 

“You must miss him a lot, right? We should invite him to have dinner!"

“I visited him last week. He asked about you, maybe we could..." Yoongi stopped talking when his gaze found a bruise on his girlfriend's leg. “Freckles… your leg.”

"Huh?"

When the girl saw what Yoongi was referring to, her eyes widened. She had no idea where that came from, which was alarming because when she tried to touch it, she couldn't, it hurt a lot. Emmy tried to remember how the hell she had hurt herself like that, but she couldn't recall. Possibly it had been at one of the many parties she attended; however, she had very few memories of them and the reason was obvious.

Meanwhile, Yoongi's anguish had led him to find some ice while continuing to check on her. “There's another one behind your knee! Emmy, how come you don't remember?”

The girl tried to come up with various excuses, yet, none of them sounded convincing to Yoongi, who ended up walking her to the room so she could finally lie down and rest.

"You need to be more careful." The musician commented when she rested her head on his shoulder and nodded.

"I promise I will, but stop worrying, I'm fine, it was just a bump, you know how clueless I can be."

“You didn't eat well, you didn't get enough sleep, and besides, you got hurt... Emm, that trip... Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm here, that's what matters."

Yoongi was about to say something else, but his words hung in the air when his girlfriend joined her lips with his. She had missed him so much, she didn't want him to worry anymore and she wanted to stop thinking about everything that had happened in Capri, or at least what she could remember.

“No…” Yoongi ordered when he felt Emmy about to sit on his lap. "No, baby, not today."

Emmy's confused look didn't take long to disappear, as Yoongi carefully took her in his arms and laid her back on the bed so he could be on top of her.  

"Let me do it." He whispered giving her a tender kiss on the forehead.

Like all the nights they had spent together, Yoongi was the same passionate lover; however, that night he was also unbelievably lovely. He made sure his girlfriend enjoyed herself and had incredible orgasms, but he also made sure she didn't push herself more than she had to, or she could hurt her leg even more.

Once they both finished, the musician hugged her from behind. He knew how much Emmy loved that, even more than laying on Yoongi's chest. When he covered her with his arms like that she felt secure and accompanied. Also, she could feel Yoongi's chest and his breathing while he told her the sweetest things in his ear, like how much he loved the freckles on her shoulders, where he could lose himself for hours kissing them one by one.

Normally, Emmy would answer him how much she loved feeling him so close; however, that night the girl was grateful that Yoongi couldn't see her face. Her beautiful green eyes were full of tears, a consequence of the memories of Seri's words and all the times she surrendered to drugs. 

And just like that, the walls that seemed unbreakable a few hours before razed. Emmy could not stand the pain of every scar she had desperately tried to close with drugs reopening. At that moment, without warning and completely sober, Emmy collapsed. 

And how could it not happen precisely at that moment if it was in bed and next to the love of her life when she was most vulnerable?

"Emm?" Yoongi asked hearing a sob.

His first impulse was to get up and look at her, but Emmy held his hands tightly and shook her head negatively.

"Stay like this, Yoongi, please." She asked with a broken voice. "Just hug me."

Yoongi was dying inside to know what was happening and to be able to help her just as she had helped him on several occasions, but he perfectly understood that what his girlfriend needed was to feel him close, so he hugged her even tighter as he assured her over and over again that he was there with her and that he wasn't going anywhere.

The tears that Emmy shed were few, but enough to give her heart a break and to allow her boyfriend to see her as fragile as she really was. Yoongi got to comfort her and calm her down, only he with that patience and empathy could do it. The musician was seriously worried about seeing his girl like that, but he needed to stay calm and accompany her through that crisis. He had had his own and he had faced them alone, he knew perfectly well how she felt.

Little by little, Emmy turned around until they were face to face again and although it was hard for her, she looked into his eyes.

“Sorry… being with my family is never easy.” She said as Yoongi wiped away her tears.

"Baby, I understand you, and I respect that you need your time, but this can't go on like this much longer, YOU can't go on like this. Emm, you can't expect me to act like anything is happening. I can't ignore any longer that you're suffering."

"I don't want you to worry. I feel better now, it was a lot of stress. This will pass soon, and..."

"This isn't stress, this is NOT passing soon." He said really concerned. “I want to help you, I'm here for you, but I need you to tell me a little more, Emm. Try it, please."

“Yoongi…” The girl got very frustrated at not being able to speak, and all she could do was close her eyes and shake her head. She was about to get out of bed and run away, but it didn't happen just because Yoongi stopped her.

“Princess, I know it's a heavy load, but you can share it with me. I'm not going anywhere, I promise you." He assured taking Emmy's chin delicately so that she would look into his eyes and see that he was serious.

Even though she tried to get the words out and to be able to tell her boyfriend at least a little about everything she was carrying, she couldn't and the frustration made her shed a few tears again. Why the hell was it so hard for her? It wasn't even that she wanted to hide it from Yoongi, Emmy didn't mean such a thing, but she didn't know how to start taking out what she had been saving for years.

"I'm sorry, Yoongs, I can't." 

Seeing her cry was the last thing the musician wanted, so he brought her closer to his chest and waited a bit for her to calm down. “Freckles, you can ask me for anything you want, you know I'd do anything for you, but letting you suffer is out of discussion. I can't, I'm sorry but I can't see you like this, baby, I... care too much about you." 

Yoongi hesitated to say those last words, they weren't the ones that were about to come out of his mouth. But what he really wanted to say to her deserved to be heard differently, not with tears.

As painful as it was, Emmy realized that her actions weren't just affecting her. She wasn't alone anymore, she couldn't disappear for days and drown in drugs without hurting someone else, not anymore. And just like Yoongi had tried to tell her, she also loved him too much not to do something about it.

Yes, she loved him. Emmy loved Yoongi as much as her heart allowed, and for that very reason, she was afraid of losing him once he found out who she really was. Her relationship with her sister and her father, what had happened to her mother, something she daily blamed herself for, and her addiction problems... it was too much to take in... even for Yoongi. 

"I can't ask that much of you..." she thought, looking into her boyfriend's dark eyes. "I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to see you leaving..."

Seeing her cornered like that, Yoongi had to do something he thought he wasn't capable of. Only because he loved her with the same intensity that she loved him, Yoongi gave in. He couldn't insist that she speak, if he did, he risked not only hurting her, but also that Emmy would decide to get away from him completely. To tell the truth, Yoongi was already afraid that he had pushed her too hard.

"I'm sorry" He honestly apologized. "I'm sorry, Emm, I have no right to do that. I can't just walk into your life like this, it's not right."

"Yoongi, no! No, it's not..."

"I was just trying to tell you that I'm here for you. You don't need to rush anything or talk about something you don't want to. I never intended to force you, I'm sorry."

"Please stop apologizing, you did nothing wrong, you're the most wonderful person," Emmy said caressing his face. "I don't want to lose you, Yoongi."

"You won't. Trust me, freckles, I beg you, trust me when I say I'm not going anywhere. I don't care what's going on, it won't change what I feel about you."

Emmy hugged him and for some time neither of them talked. They both were thinking a million things at the same time. 

After a while in which nothing was heard in the room, Yoongi looked at his watch, it was already late and he knew that Emmy was still awake and dead from anguish for what had happened.

"Baby, try to sleep. You need it." The musician whispered as she moved her face to see him. It was enough for Yoongi to look at her for a few seconds for a shy smile to appear on his face.

"You have no idea how much I missed you, Yoongs."

"And you have no idea how happy I am that you're back." With a lovely smile, Yoongi kissed his girl's forehead before they both fell asleep together. 

The conversation stopped for that night. None of them had anything certain or clear, only that they were willing to do anything to protect the person they held in their arms. Both sensed that it was a matter of time before they faced one of the biggest challenges in their relationship, one that, although hard, would allow them to understand how much they loved each other, and how far they were willing to go to be together. 

➳ Next Chapter

[hayleyfame]

Am I going to have to start calling you that? That’s quite a mouthful, but if it’s what you want your official title to be I guess I can do it. When are we going to be adding the Emmy or Tony to your name? Or even an Grammy – that’s going to become even more of a mouth full might have to do some crazy acronym then. AAETAOW Ariana DeBose. Or, you know EGOT Ariana DeBose but I think the one I came up with is much more fun. We’ve got three Grammys which I’m fucking proud of. Especially since the last ones we won were with Zac. I’m an excellent pupil? Can we rewind back in time and you tell my teachers that? Cause they might actually have a heart attack if those words were uttered to them. The only premiere that I’ve ever been to is Twilight so I’m well out of practice there but if you want me to be your plus one to it then I’ll happily go along with you, babe. Just gotta remind me how to walk a red carpet because that’s something I haven’t done in years. Unless you want me to just stand to the side. That I can do, too. I’m so glad that I was very subtle with everything and you couldn’t pick up on it! I mean, I did have a dumbass moment where I didn’t realize that our first date was actually a date but hey, we worked it out in the end, right? Getting a little used to having you in my bed.

Where would we be without our moms? There were moments where my mom was really struggling with things, too. I did have my dad and grandparents, too but when we moved to Franklin… It was just the two of us for a long while. Living in a trailer park was quite the experience. But I’m just happy we had a roof over our head. I think part of it was my parents being so young when they had me, too. When you don’t have many of your friends as parents, it becomes quite isolating. I’m glad that you get to provide for your mom in the way that you want to, babe. And although I haven’t met your mom – I’m sure that she’s very proud of everything that you have accomplished. I think our whole thing is giving too much detail. I like listening to you talk. And I want to continue to get to know every part of you. The good and the bad. What would you say is your biggest fear?

Oh. Before his birthday then. And the last day of the Eras tour. Hope they won’t mind if I steal you away for a little bit so we can watch the stream, again. It’s quite fun to be watching those with you. I have the time for you, A. I get to set my own schedule for work. Mhm, extra stunning. Whatever the bride has you wearing – I can’t wait to see it. Even if it’s going to be strange going to a wedding where I have no idea who the couple are. It’ll be nice to meet some more of your friends. It wasn’t a good one. He cheated on me quite a lot. And I knew that getting married was a terrible idea, but did it anyway. I wanted to prove everyone wrong about the relationship. I’m probably the most stubborn person on the planet. Turns out that everyone was right, but thankfully when it ended a year later I didn’t have any ‘I told you so’ moments from them. Moved in with my grandparents for a little and then into a house infested with bats before getting the place I’m currently in. Possibly the most wild few years of my entire life.

I kind of get that – for the longest time I had a very warped sense of what love was. My parents split when I was four and my earliest memories were of them fighting all the time. Four year old me always thought that it was my fault. But they still lived together until I was 12. So working through all of that with my therapist was something. At least you know what you want when it comes to marriage. A lot of people don’t know that when walking into one. You know you’ll meet the right person when they don’t tear down those feelings that you have. They’ll want to help you work through it. Because even though therapy has helped me a lot… I know that my… issues won’t be fully addressed until I find someone who I feel safe with to go through all of that again. Although… I think I’m starting to feel that way around you. A lot of this stuff I have never talked about with people who haven’t been in my life since I was a kid, or in some interviews with people I really trust to tell everything in the right way. It’s terrifying that you’ve broken down some of my walls so easily already. I’m not going to say that I’m never going to get married again – it’s just something that I don’t know is on the cards for me, ya know? I’ll leave that answer at a maybe. 

Baby – I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I haven’t googled you. I feel like that’s an invasion of privacy. I knew that you had gone through a break up recently, because Em told me. But I wasn’t going to come and straight up ask you about it. I figured if you were comfortable enough to share that story with me, you would. Whatever you feel comfortable telling me about your ex – I’m happy with. It can’t be easy seeing her face everywhere, though. What kind of things did you learn about? I’m a firm believer in feeling whatever you need to. Bottling up any kind of emotion isn’t healthy. If you need to cry, then cry. If you want to yell and scream… there’s rage rooms where you can smash things and get it all out. Grinning and bearing it isn’t the answer.

I couldn’t have done it without you – pretty sure I would have been floundering and filling them up on way too much sugar if you weren’t there. I’m such a sucker when it comes to kids and just giving them whatever they want. Bay fever is always strong with me at the moment considering my sister has new twin boys. And then briefly seeing MJ? Through the roof. I’ve always said that I wanted to be a dad – you know, to be different. Don’t know what was up with teenage me. But having kids is something that I want. Eventually. How many? No clue. You’re great with kids, too. Hazel and Violet couldn’t get enough of your singing. And I can’t say I blame them – you’re incredible. Do you see yourself having kids? But thank you for the most amazing night after we were relieved of babysitting duties. Can’t believe that you planned the hotel room to look like that for us. It was quite romantic… and I hope that well, I hope that you had a good night. The moaning you were doing though.. I think it was a good indication. Okay, I’m shutting up now.

100% how winning awards works. I get a little jolt down my spine when I get fully called 'Academy Award winner Ariana DeBose', like...it's rejuvenating. Maybe because mine is still relatively new (2 years?), your Grammy wins are just piling up at this rate. The acting world is actually a lot simpler than it seems off the bat, but I'm glad I'm teaching you well. You're an excellent pupil. Next movie premiere I go to, which should be next month if my calendar's right (and before York's birthday, so you're good), I'll give you a crash course on that. Hey, the food would just be a bonus. Having you there as moral support is turning out to be actually pretty incredible. That's really shocking, I had no idea. Glad I was picking up on your (pretty obvious) signals. It's just gay common sense to me at this point, though I was super worried you were just being nice for a good chunk of it.

I love how ride or die we are for our moms. I mean, my mom was all I had my whole life. And my grandparents, but still, she was the one working so hard to make sure that I could do my dance classes or have, God forbid, food on the table. Getting to make her life easier now is the greatest reward that could ever come out of all this for me. You know, I've only done a podcast here or there but I hope you know (if that bit isn't obvious yet) that you can ask me whatever the hell you want to know. I'll smile and nod and give you the answer in probably incredibly too much detail.

Wedding's not until the 8th, and then I'm gonna probably be flying all over the place for my Kraven premiere that I mentioned earlier, but all of it caps off by the 13th, so hopefully you have some time set aside for me. Extra stunning, huh? Could say the same about you, babe. Mmm, not a good one, I'll bet based off of the sound of that. I think I'd like to if the stars align and everything feels right, yeah. It may be safe to say that I'm a little bit gun shy when it comes to...you know, really getting my hopes up on that front. My dad was never around for my mom, and I sometimes feel like his...absence, for lack of a better word, runs through my veins a little too strongly. Makes me want to make sure that whoever I do end up with long-term, that it's something I'm really confident in lasting to make it down the aisle. And you? Do you think, all things considered, that you'd get married again or nah?

Oof, what kind of year have I had? Surprised it's not the first thing that comes up when you Google me, if you've tried. Still kinda might be the first thing that comes up, considering my ex has the same name as me and is the one plastered all over every billboard and social media posts these days for Wicked. It was a happy year for me, but also a really...really fucking sad one. Feels like I learned a lot about myself and my therapist got a hefty amount of business from me. But, y'know, we're smiling through it and feeling what we need to feel and moving through it. That's the only way, right?

I, for one, want to commend you for your A+ babysitting game today. Those kids really met their match in the both of us, and although I didn't get my fill of a true baby, the baby fever is strong yet again. You asked me about marriage, I'll do you one better - you're so good with kids, is that in your cards, do you think? Not anytime soon or anything, but just in life. Find out more about that Friendsgiving and I'm game to go anywhere with you. Especially now that you promised me a nap. But I love Anne! She's such a sweetheart. If she's behind it, count me in times two.

[gucciwins]

it's another year of halloween celebrations for Harry and Bel.

Word count: 2295

A/N: I had to write about Harryween it's a special time for Harry and Bel because it's when Bel first told Harry she loved him so the day holds a special meaning to their realtionship. anyways I hope you enjoy this small blurb. im glad you still love harry and bel so much 🫶

love on tour series

//

Los Angeles, California - October 31, 2022 

“I’m so glad you’re here with me,” Bel hugs her best friends tightly, not letting them settle in their hotel room.

“Nowhere else I would rather be on a Monday,” Sarai jokes.

“Haha,” Bel rolls her eyes, finally letting them go.

Naomi now lounging on the queen-sized bed, having removed all her clothes, leaving her in underwear and a sports bra, not wanting her airport clothes on the bed. “I’m surprised H has let you go.” 

“It’s because he’ll be over soon.” 

“Yay! I’ve missed him,” Naomi and Bel turn to look at Sarai, who sits there, confused at their shocked expressions. “What? Harry and I are friends.” 

Naomi looks at their partner, confused, “since when?” Sarai was always the shy one, so Naomi was shocked finding out they had grown this relationship with Harry.

They shrug, “we talked about his favorite books during Coachella, and I told him he needed to get educated. Now he sends me his thoughts after each book.” 

Bel laughs, “that’s right! He’s stocked up a lot because of you. He told me he thought you didn’t like him, so he was excited when you shared that interest with him.”

“Awe, I get that a lot.” They pout.

“It’s the resting bitch face,” Naomi tells them, causing you all to laugh because Sarai is genuinely a sweetheart once you get to know them. 

“Moving on, please. Where are our costumes, Bel?” 

“On their way, Claude did wonderfully. I couldn’t carry all three with me, so Emerson is bringing them over with someone.” 

“Oh, is she dressing up too?” Sarai asked. 

Bel shakes her head, “Emerson doesn’t celebrate the holiday.” 

“She’s still coming to the show?” Naomi wonders because they get on well with your assistant. 

“No, she’s taking the night off, '' says her niece has been dying to watch Spider-man with her.” Bel shares as she looks at a text on her phone, making her way to open the hotel room door. 

“Maguire or Holland?” 

Emerson walks in with a trolley behind her, “Garfield, obviously.” 

“Emmy!!!!!” Naomi and Sarai cheer.

“Nice to see you, but get dressed and make sure it fits before nosy H makes an appearance.” Emerson hands them a bag and leaves them to get dressed. Bel’s outfit is at the arena, promising Harry to get ready there, so they have time to get ready together.  

They’re in for a fun night. Bel couldn’t wait.

//

Bel sits patiently as she lets Ayae fix the ginger wig. If she has to be honest, she loves the look. Everyone has been very secretive about the band’s costume, and as impatient as it has her, she knows the wait will be worth it. The green contacts in her eyes feel strange, but she doesn’t mind them. 

“He’s dressed.” Harry Lambert waits patiently, admiring as Ayae brushes out the ends of Bel’s hair. 

“She’s done,” Ayae tells Lambert, who stares at Bel with awe, taking in her wig and new eye color. Bel looks at herself in the mirror, taking in every detail of her suit, proud of how amazing the suit came out. She’s Sam from Totally Spies. It’s an old TV show, and it’s a perfect trio. There were many options they were thinking about, from doing Aquamarine to doing Josie and the Pussycats, but they loved this idea, knowing it would be a costume they don’t see others doing. 

“I’ve got an idea, but also zero idea,” Lambert tells Bel honestly, taking in her complete look

Bel laughs, “my friends should be here soon. They’ll explain it to you.” 

“Not poison ivy?” 

She shakes her head and knocks on Harry’s door. 

“It’s me. Can I come in?” 

“Your eyes have to be closed,” he calls back.

She resists the urge to roll her eyes, more excited that she’s moments away from seeing him in his costume. The door creaks open, and Bel feels him guiding her in. 

“You smell nice.” She tells him, and he thanks her with a kiss on her cheek. 

“Now, you nutter.” 

Bel blinks her eyes open slowly, and there is Harry in a black slicked-back wig, black shades, and a fake cigar in his mouth to tie his entire outfit of tight black jeans and black leather jacket.

“Danny Zuko,” she gasps, reaching out to touch his jacket, taking in the detail of the entire outfit. 

He smirks, “that’s my name, don’t wear it out.”

Bel lets out a small moan knowing Harry dressed as Danny is doing many things for her. She has many unholy thoughts running through her mind.

“You look beautiful, H.” 

Harry’s face goes red, loving all the attention Bel is giving him. “I was going for sexy, but I’ll take being called beautiful.”

Her hands rest on his face as she takes in the black eyeliner. “Oh, I’m a fan of this.” 

“Stop,” he giggles.

Bel runs her hand over his shoulders and down his back. Harry lets her check him out and takes notice of every detail of the outfit. She has yet to let him get a look at her, but he knows there will be time for that after. Harry’s so lost in the feeling of her hands caressing him that he doesn’t realize she’s slipped off his leather jacket. 

“Bel,” he scolds jokingly, “no time to fool around.”

She giggles, “turn around.”

“Want to see the real good, huh?” 

He does as she asks and she gasps seeing Harryween bedazzled on the black top showcasing all his tattoos. 

“You win,” she gasps dramatically. “Absolutely, everyone is going to go insane.”  

“Are you?” He asks because Bel is the only person he cares to impress. 

“If it wasn’t hard to get out of the latex, I’d be naked already bent over the vanity as I let Danny Zuko have his way with me.” 

Harry loves when Bel’s unfiltered, it drives him crazy. He loves being the reason she’s losing her mind. 

“That can be arranged,” Harry promises. 

“Later.” She places the leather jacket over her shoulder and does a short spin. “Me dressed in only this jacket tonight. I don’t know,” she shrugs, “think about it?”

Harry bites back a moan, already picturing Bel in their shared bedroom, “nothing to think about. I’m in. It’s happening.”

Bel shines with joy at the thought of what the end of the night holds for them. She helps Harry slip the leather jacket back on, knowing they will do group photos soon. 

“Now, let me look at you, my ginger girlfriend.” 

Bel giggles, giving Harry a spin, then striking a defensive pose making Harry laugh. 

“This is amazing. Looks like a real spy suit.” 

“Yeah, amor, it is. It’s from this TV show called Totally Spies. They’re a trio, so it worked perfectly with Sarai and Naomi.” 

Now it’s Harry's turn to inspect every inch of her as she explains every section of the suit. She has a silver belt around her waist; keeping it together is a heart. She feels Harry run his fingers over the heart and waits for him to notice the small detail she added just for him. 

There’s a gasp and a tug of her waist as he looks up at her and then back to the belt where the heart's center is engraved with HS.

“You didn’t!” 

Bel giggles, “it is Harryween. Had to have an ode to you, mi vida.” 

Harry pouts, leaning in to give her a long-awaited kiss, “I love it,” he mutters against her lips. “You look incredibly sexy. Gave me a stiffy.” 

“H!” She exclaims.

He shrugs, “it’s true. Now give me kisses before they come to steal me away.” 

And, of course, Bel happily obliges. 

——-

The show was like no other; the fans were shocked when Harry and the band came out as Grease members. It is safe to say that Danny Zuko is not what they were expecting, even with all the small hints he dropped with the Ferris wheel. 

Bel is standing with Naomi and Sarai, chatting about wanting a snack and which one would go backstage when Harry finished talking to a fan about losing her job and wanting Harry to hire her. He moved to the other side of the stage, hidden behind Sarah’s drum kit. She settled for watching him on the screen. Naomi was leaning next to her, looking through the photos she had Lloyd take on her phone, wanting to see which one she wanted to post to her social media. Bel let Naomi deal with that hard decision, wanting to focus on Harry speaking to a new fan.

“What’s your name?” He leans in closer. “Hani, Honey, oh, Anahi.” He laughs. “Got it.” He smiles down at the fan gesturing to their sign. “Can I read your sign?”

“Yes, please!” 

Harry smirks, standing up and pulling his microphone cord with him. “What is Miss Belmonte dressed up as?” The sign has him laughing, but Bel is shocked he decided to read it. “Very polite.” 

“She's here. How lucky are we all? Actually, we were watching Grease together when I got the idea. She thought I’d be a wonderful Danny, so make sure you thank her.” The fans cheer, but the cameras still don’t pan to her, and she’s thankful. “Back to your question, why doesn’t she show you?” 

The crowd screams, waiting to see a spotlight shine down on her, but what happens next no one expects. The camera focuses on Bel, who looks flustered but waves proudly. Sarai and Naomi standing next to her, laughing and recording. 

“Why don’t you come up here, Bel?”

She gasps, quick to shake her head. Giving him a thumbs down, making the crowd laugh. He pouts, thinking she would have said yes right away. 

He tries another tactic. “Do you want to see Bel on stage?” Harry asks the crowd. The cheers are enough confirmation that Bel will end up on stage one way or another. 

“Don’t make me go and get you.” 

Bel knows he would but still hesitates to move towards the stage. 

When Tom pushes Bel forward, and Lloyd is there to guide her down the walkway and up the steps, she curses Harry’s name under her breath. Mitch looks apologetic as she mutters to him to help, but everyone else cheers seeing Bel on stage. 

She steps up next to Harry, accepting his extended hand, glad he was kind enough to offer her comfort.

“Hi, amor.” She greets quietly, not knowing the microphone caught her soft words. 

“Hello Bel, not your first time on stage, is it? You seem like a natural.” Harry teases. 

Bel knows he’s still a little jealous; she always told him no after going on stage in front of a sold-out stadium for another artist she likes and is friends with. 

“Care to introduce yourself?” 

He extends the microphone to her, but instead of taking it, she leans closer. “I’m Y/N Belmonte, but my friends call me Bel.” 

“Can I call you Bel?” He jokes.

“No. We’re not friends,” she teases. 

Harry takes it in stride, “ouch, don’t worry, I'll keep calling you baby.”

She giggles, feeling overwhelmed. “Well, tell the people of Los Angeles and the surrounding area what you dressed up as for Harryween?” 

“I–”

“Wait,” he cuts her off.

She frowns “what?”

“Your hair? It’s different.” He’s playing his part so well, and Bel loves him for it.

Harry gasps. “I think yours looks more natural. Your team and my team are going to have a talk, anyways back to you,” he gestures for her to continue talking. 

“I hate you,” she mutters as he brings the microphone back toward her. Harry squeezes her hand three times, and it calms her enough to know she’ll be getting off the faster she does this.

“I’m Sam from Totally Spies,” Bel tells the audience, who cheer in recognition. The cameras show her in her green latex suit and gadgets belt with Harry’s initials in the center. Her favorite part of the design. 

“Wonderful! If you don’t know where that’s from, it’s okay. It's an American show. Came out in 2001. Sam is a teenager in Beverly Hills who lives a double life as a student and a spy. Pretty cool.” Harry explains for Bel. Sarai gave him the run down backstage, and it’s safe to say Harry was fascinated. “Thanks, Bel!”

Harry hugs her, pressing a kiss to her temple. “Oh! Her best friends dressed up with her, Naomi is Clover, and Sarai is Alex. Say Hi!” 

The camera pans over to Naomi and Sarai, who are in an intimate embrace when they realize thousands of people are now staring at them. They laugh, waving at the crowd and blowing kisses. 

“Did I embarrass you? Was that enough?” Harry asks Bel, and when she nods, he lets her go. “A round of applause for Y/N Belmonte. Let's see how many more nights she joins us after tonight.” Harry jokes. “I'm afraid this might be it.” 

As nerve-wracking and thrilling as the moment was, she was glad Harry wanted to share that moment with her. She knows there will be talks of them together, some good and some bad, but at the end of the day, she loves him. 

Harry made it up to her pretty quickly when he surprised them all by singing Hopelessly Devoted, an artist both Harry and Bel loved dearly. It’s a song Harry sang to her all the time recently, claiming it had been stuck in his head when in reality, he had been rehearsing. It’s a song that holds many memories of her childhood; now, she gets to add these memories of Harry. 

It truly was a special night. 

//

thank you for reading <3 I adore you.

if you were wish to see more of harry and bel be sure to send me a message.

taglist: @alienorknight @i-got-the-cinema @myfavfanficsever @springholland @michellekstyles @harryismyfwend @japanchrry @lechairr @golden-hoax @itsmycorneroftheinternet @thurhomish @thelovecayon @dontworrysunflower @shawnieeboyy

[kairakeiji]

rue | atsumu miya

pairing: atsumu x reader

tags: hurt comfort (more comfort than hurt tho), exs to lovers, mentions of insecurities (clinginess) - based on the song rue by girl in red

word count: 2.0k

for @atsymu: emmie i adore u happy valentines day <33

what were you doing here?

this definitely wasn’t your bed, yet you slept incredibly well considering it’s always been hard to sleep in a bed that wasn’t yours. you recognize the place, yet you’re still not sure where you are. everything felt so familiar yet so foreign at the same time. the smell of the bedsheets, the pounding headache signaling your hangover, the arm draped over your figure.

wait.

who’s arm was that?

their grip tightens pulling you closer as incoherent mumbling leaves their lips.

you’re too scared to open your eyes. you’re too scared to see the one person you didn’t wanna see.

yet the soft voice was all too familiar for you not to recognize.

platinum blonde is the first thing you see, a familiar sleeping face entering your field of vision when you finally open your eyes.

of course, it’s him.

of all people you had to sleep with it was him.

you’re suddenly grateful that atsumu’s a heavy sleeper as you slowly lift your head, trying to plan your getaway. the bedroom door’s partially open, you didn’t need to open or close it properly. you could just grab your bag from the floor, along with your clothes, and make a beeline out of the apartment. your shoes were probably at the door, well hopefully at the door. honestly last night was a blur. it’s the perfect plan, call a taxi on the way out, ignore the looks the driver gives you and make it back to your house in one piece, owning your walk of shame along the way. but there’s only one problem.

you’re unsure of how you’re gonna get out of atsumu’s grip.

the position is all too familiar, his arm draped around yours, your legs tangled in his, it would be a miracle if you can make it out of this without him waking up. but then again, atsumu’s a very heavy sleeper, one who would only give up sleep for two reasons, one of which was the smell of breakfast cooking in the kitchen. so you pray to whatever gods decided to watch over you today and try anyway, gently peeling his arm off of you before untangling your legs from his, rolling off the bed ever so slightly. it almost works, and when you instantly dash for your dress keeping your feet as light as possible, you somehow think you pulled it off.

but then you hear a groan from the bed, one quickly followed by some shuffling.

and then you remember the second reason, the disappearance of you in his arms.

“baby? where are you going?”

good lord.

you’re too scared to turn around, terrified that one look from atsumu will pull you right back into bed where you don’t belong, back in the arms of the boy who used to call you his.

it’s been weeks, weeks since you last saw atsumu, the rage and anger in his eyes still a fresh image in your mind. you weren’t supposed to break up, you never planned on it. after all, you loved him, and he loved you. he helped you through long nights, and you helped him on his rough days. you had become each other’s support systems in a sense, keeping the other out of their head, because under his ego and that façade of arrogance, atsumu thinks. he thinks too much about what people say. he thinks about all those comments on the internet, and all those mistakes he makes during his games. he cares too much for his own good, but you were always there to remind him otherwise. but then one argument led to another and before you knew it, you were walking out the door with no intention of returning, a decision that was only solidified further when he did nothing to fight back.

you weren’t supposed to see him so soon much less at all. but when suna’s birthday came around, you knew you had to be there to celebrate. you are his best friend after all. you’d gone the entire night ignoring atsumu, but then one shot led to another, and then some words you somehow remember exchanging, and then it ended with you dancing in his arms like your breakup never happened.

and now you’re back in his apartment, in his bedroom, realizing the consequences of your drunk actions when you finally meet atsumu’s gaze.

“i’m leaving miya,” you sigh opening the door to his bedroom.

“no wait please don’t leave!”

you wince at his response, but you don’t answer as you walk out the door. you could feel the knot in your stomach tighten with each step, clutching your bag to your chest like it was your lifeline.

this hurt.

this hurt a lot more than your breakup.

this departure wasn’t one of anger, nor was it one of sadness.

it was one of regret.

atsumu’s dashing to the door, standing in front of it, and it only makes your heart ache.

“let me leave miya,” you sigh.

“that’s not my name,” is all he answers.

but you continue to ignore him, huffing as the boy continues to step in front of you.

“please,” he tries, “can we talk?”

“there’s nothing to talk about,” you answer coldly.

“clearly there is,” he reasons. “because you wouldn't be here if there wasn’t.”

you try to ignore him, attempting to grab your shoes and get out the door, but he beats you to the punch.

“atsumu,” you try, voice firm. “stop acting like a child and give me my shoes.”

“that’s still not my name,” he answers, holding up your shoes just out of your reach.

“you’re so fucking stubborn,” you reply, tone laced with anger.

“can i at least get you some water, or maybe make you breakfast?” he asks softly, and you’re about to open your mouth to say no before he responds. “i know you when you’re hungover.”

you should say no. you really really should say no.

but he knows you well, knows you well enough to know that you wake up starving after nights out, that you have pounding headaches the second you wake up, that you absolutely needed caffeine in order to properly function. atsumu knows you well, and you really should say no.

but he knew that you could never say no to him.

so that’s how you ended up here, sitting in his kitchen with a cup of warm tea in front of you (because he refused to give you coffee claiming it would make your headache worse), watching as atsumu cooked breakfast, the setting and situation starting to give you deja vu. it’s silent, it’s tense with so much lingering in the air that neither of you are willing to address.

it felt odd watching him cook, considering he hadn’t done much of it before. normally he’d order take out or get his brother to cook for him, but he started cooking when you started coming over frequently. he’d lie and claim that he always knew how to cook, but you knew him well enough to think otherwise.

it was simple, the plate of food he set down in front of you, yet it was enough to remind you of the relationship you couldn’t help but miss. “thanks,” you mumble as he places a set of silverware in front of you.

atsumu only hums before placing his plate in front of you. “how are you feeling?” and you can hear the genuine concern in his voice, it makes your heart break.

“i’m feeling better now,” you sigh. “the tea was nice.”

“i’m glad,” he answers as you both eat together in a relatively comfortable silence because even after weeks apart, you couldn’t deny how you missed his presence.

“so,”

“how a-”

you meet his gaze at your attempts to break the silence, a small laugh leaving your lips before you nod, “you go.” and there’s a small grin on his face at your words.

“so,” he sighs. “can we talk?”

“of course,” you nod. “what’s on your mind?”

“well i,” he pauses. “do you remember anything from last night?”

“not really,” you mumble. “why do you ask?”

“i don’t really either,” he laughs, a clipped short one, but a laugh nonetheless. “some bits and pieces are there but nothing in detail.”

“that’s lovely,” you sigh. “because i was wondering how in the world did i end up in your bed?”

“not sure,” he answers. “i just remember approaching you after like three shots and asking how you were.”

“i was probably half drunk by then,” you laugh, “because i don’t remember that.”

“well if you need a little recap.”

“please enlighten me.”

“alright,” he sighs. “you ready?”

and honestly you’re not sure you are.

but you nod anyway, “i’m ready.”

“the last thing i recall is us dancing together like nothing even happened. i remember taking some shots with you and stuff, but before all that i um,” he hesitates. “god this feels stupid to say especially because you don’t remember it.”

yet you pry further, “what happened?”

“i asked you to take me back.”

and your heart drops.

“i’ve been thinking since we um...broke up,” he hesitates once more, a slight shake in his voice. “i’ve been thinking about...us.”

your voice is soft, careful. “what have you been thinking?”

“that i shouldn’t have let you leave like that,” you’ve seen atsumu at his worst, you’ve seen atsumu after losses, after struggles, and arguments and you’ve seen him through the comments that hit him harder than a lot of people would think.

but you’ve never seen him look this vulnerable.

“i should’ve tried to fix things, i shouldn’t have said all those things to you.”

clingy. dramatic. a bitch.

the words from that night still stung today.

“and i know an apology won’t fix anything, but i’m truly sorry for what happened that night.”

there it was.

the words you were waiting on hearing.

“and if you’re willing, i want to fix what we have.”

you suck in a breath at his words, decisions weighing and hanging over you with the newfound information.

“you do know that an apology isn’t gonna fix everything right?” you mumble.

“i know,” he nods. “but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try right?”

and you so want to desperately say yes, to take him back and make him yours once more. and as much as you’d love to have him back, something keeps you from saying mumbling the simple three letter word. the argument flashes in your head once more, the painful insults and screaming, the split second when you left his apartment, the way you turned back hoping he’d be there only to see a closed door. it was a simple argument, one that could’ve easily been solved.

it wasn’t supposed to come to this.

you’re scared to meet his eyes, he seemed absolutely terrified to say that alone. it was as if he was laying all his cards out on the table, waiting for you to make the first move.

“you know i still love you right?” you mumble. “i never stopped.”

“you told me last night,” he answers softly.

it was the one sole thing you remembered.

“we can’t fix everything in one day you know that right?”

“i know,” he repeats once more. “it’ll take time, but,” and you meet his eyes, heart dropping at his vulnerable state. “i know us, we can do it.” his eyes look as if they’re filled with fear, there’s a slight quiver in his voice, yet he still smiles when he asks.

“so, what do you say?”

and there’s certainty in your voice when you nod.

“okay,” you answer softly, feeling your eyes become glassy. “we can try.”

and you don’t realize how much you truly missed him until he has you in his arms once more.

your head’s buried in his shoulders, his grip is tight yet gentle, scared that if he lets you go, you might not return once more.

“we can try,” he whispers.

“we can try,” you repeat.

god, you missed this, you missed his presence, you missed waking up in his arms, you missed when he cooked you breakfast, and you definitely missed being in his arms.

atsumu pulls away to meet your gaze, cupping your cheek. “thank you.”

and you lean into his touch, “thank you for what?”

“thank you for giving us a second chance.”

aaah thanks for reading!! reblogs are always appreciated <3

[ilyasorokinn]

this love , freddie andersen

note, this fic is apart of emmie's (@jostystyles) 2.6k top tracks writing challenge, so everyone give a big hand to emmie for putting this together. i love you and you're wonderful. anyways, this is NOT apart of the taylor's version series. just want to make that note too. also, i don't use the entire song. another note, happy birthday to my favorite dane. you're so slay, and i love you so much, and i'll see you in 2 weeks :) pair, freddie andersen x reader summary, freddie had come into y/n’s life just as quick as he left or a fic inspired by "this love" taylor swift. warnings, angst? and it is a little short, but it promise it's good lol word count, 1924 words

(gif not mine)

clear blue water high tide came and brought you in and i could go on and on, on and on and i will skies grew darker currents swept you out again and you were just gone and gone, gone and gone

Freddie had come into your life just as quick as he left. It was a bright and sunny day when he walked into your life. It was a cliche, which should've been a red blaring light in your head, but you pushed it to the back of your mind and paid all your attention to the attractive Dane in front of you.

You met after a lousy date. He was picking up an order at the restaurant you were at and saw you sitting alone. It was a little forward of him, but he sat down in front of you, and boom!

*flashback*

Your date, whose name you had forgotten, had left long ago, but you found yourself still at the table, swirling your straw around the cup. The restaurant wasn't too packed which was probably why they hadn't kicked you out yet.

This was the third guy you had met online and agreed to go on. date with, and you were starting to lose hope. Right as you were about to grab the waiter, a really tall guy pulled out the chair in front of you.

You stared at him like he was crazy, and he probably was, but the suit he was wearing said he wasn't some random guy who had stumbled in, "Um..."

"Okay, I don't normally do this, nor have I ever done this." He began, "But you looked really lonely, and I didn't want you to be sitting alone." He looked sincere, but this was still very much out of the blue.

"That's very nice." You smiled, "But I gotta go."

"Are you gonna walk home?"

"No, the buses are still running, so..." You shrugged.

"No, don't. I'll drive you home." He stood up with you, and you hesitated, "I swear I'm not a murderer." You raised a brow, "You can look me up. My name's Freddie Andersen."

You stared at him for a moment, before pulling out your phone and looking him up. You were more than surprised to find that he had a google page that wasn't just photos of all the Freddie Andersen's in the world, it was actually him.

You looked back up at him, "Does that work on all the other girls?"

"I don't know, never done it before. I'll let you know tomorrow."

*flashback over*

You only went out for a couple months, but they left a big imprint on your life. For those couple of months, your entire life was Freddie Andersen. Then, one day, he was there, then he wasn't.

The day he left, was quite the opposite of when you first met him. It was cloudy and dark, and when you were driving home, it was pouring down rain.

tossing, turning struggled through the night with someone new baby, i could go on and on, on and on lantern, burning flickered in my mind, only you but you were still gone, gone, gone

A few months after you and Freddie broke up, you tried to move on. Your friends set you up with a guy, and for the first time, you found yourself finally laughing, even if his jokes were cheesy.

Maybe, you were moving a little fast in this relationship, but you didn't really care. Your friends were worried at the pace at which you were moving, but you paid them no mind.

You were attempting to sleep, but whenever you closed your eyes, the only thing you saw was Freddie. You tossed and turned the whole night, and your new boyfriend, Andy, had woken up a couple times during the night to your turning onto your side.

The next morning, you were up and out of bed before him, and you were making coffee by the time he was awake, "Good morning." You smiled as if you weren't absolutely exhausted.

"Morning." He smiled. He grabbed the mug you had made for him a took a long sip, "So..." He began.

"So...?" You turned to him.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" You asked.

"It's nothing, it's just..." He took another sip of coffee, "All last night, you were tossing and turning, and I think you actually kicked me at one point."

"Did I? I knew it." You winced.

"Are you okay?" He repeated.

"I'm fine. Just stressed about work." You brushed it off.

"All right, well you know I'm here for you." He squeezed your hand.

"I know." You nodded. He smiled and walked back down the hallway to get ready for work while you stood in the kitchen, rethinking the entirety of your relationship.

in losing grip on sinking ships you showed up just in time

Before Freddie sat down in front of you, were about ready to give up and accept your fate of being single and lonely, but after he sat down, it felt like everything fell into place.

It was like a puzzle, and he was the missing piece. He swopped in, and suddenly, your life was flipped upside down.

*flashback*

After work, you had no plans. The only thing getting you through the workday was the thought of getting home, lounging on the couch, and catching up on some trashy TV you missed. You didn't expect Freddie to come knocking on your door, a bag of your favorite food in hand.

"What're you doing here?" You smiled, moving away and letting him walk into your kitchen.

"Just thought I'd come and surprise you." He shrugged, taking out all the to-go boxes and setting them on your island. He grabbed two plates and started forking out food onto the plates.

When he carried both plates towards the couch, "Grab forks and something to drink."

"I'm all out of beer." You told him.

"Well, bring out that sparking water or whatever." He waved his hand as if he didn't like the Buble water too.

You shook your head with a smile and grabbed two cans of the sparking water and joined him on the couch, "So, why're you really here?"

"I already told you."

"Yeah, I know, now I want the truth."

"I could tell you had a bad day." He admitted.

"How could you tell? We didn't talk at all today."

"You sent quick 1-word texts." He answered, "Usually it's a sentence or even a few words, but whenever it's 1-word text, then something's usually wrong."

You smiled at his admission. He was right in that you did have a sort of bad day, and the fact that he deduced that through your texts made you fall even more in love with him.

"Sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself." You laughed.

"I'm just very observant." He shrugged it off, and you went on with your night.

You were both in bed and you could tell Freddie was close to falling asleep, but you were wide awake, staring up at the ceiling even in the darkness.

There was only one thing running through your mind and you knew you had to get it off your chest, "Freddie?" You whispered. He let out a sleep-filled groan, "I have to tell you something."

"Hmm." He groaned, turning to face you tiredly, but his eyes were still closed.

"I just wanted to tell you that I love you, and if you hadn't come into my life that day, I think I might've just given up on the idea of being with someone. Things would have been very different for me. So, I guess, I'm just thankful for you."

"I'm thankful for you, too." He spoke with a smile as he pulled you into him, pressing a kiss to your head as he held you tight, "And I love you, too."

*flashback over*

this love left a permanent mark this love is glowing in the dark, oh-oh, oh these hands had to let it go free, and this love came back to me, oh-oh, oh

Even though you were only together for a short period of time, Freddie left a lasting imprint on your life. Almost every free moment you had was spent with each other, and in the moments you weren't together, you were thinking about him and vice-versa.

your kiss, my cheek, i watched you leave your smile, my ghost, i fell to my knees when you're young, you just run but you come back to what you need

In the weeks leading up to your breakup, you thought everything was going well, but when he dropped the bomb that he wanted to break up, everything stopped.

The clock ticking on the wall stopped ticking, the coffee in the pot stopped brewing, the movie playing in the living room stopped playing, your heart stopped and you felt your airways close.

After the words "I think we should break up", everything out of Freddie's mouth sounded like Charlie Brown's parents. It was all distorted.

He approached you and cupped your face, placing a lasting kiss on your forehead, before pulling away and looking into your eyes. You looked deep into his too and saw the underlying pain in them.

You watched him, frozen in your spot, as he picked up his bags and headed out the door. Once the door was shut, you finally broke down.

You fell to your knees and let out a cry. You let yourself cry for hours and hours. You eventually your way to the bed where you stayed there for almost a week.

Your friend eventually came to check on you after you hadn't responded to her texts, where she found you in bed. She picked you back up off the ground both figuratively and literally. She helped you get back up on your feet and helped you become you again.

this love is good, this love is bad this love is alive back from the dead, oh-oh, oh these hands had to let it go free, and this love came back to me, oh-oh, oh

5 years later

You found yourself sitting at a table post-date. This date, compared to the others, was actually quite good. He asked questions that he actually wanted to know the answers to, he showed up a couple minutes earlier than you (which you only knew because you were early too), and he laughed at your jokes, which all the other dates didn't find funny.

But still, you found yourself sitting alone after the date, a weird pit in your stomach. It was weird. He was a great guy but it didn't feel right.

At that very moment, Frederik Andersen was walking into the restaurant, and while he waited for the waiter to bring back his bag of food, he looked around the room and spotted you easily.

It was almost like a lone spotlight was shining on you and was drawing him in. He grabbed the bag of food and made his way over to you.

He smiled, pulling out a chair. You looked up startled but when he saw it was him, your face softened.

"I don't normally do this," You smiled at the familiar words, "But you looked really lonely, and I didn't want you to be sitting alone."

"That's very nice." You smiled, repeating the same words you all 6 years before when Freddie had sat down in front of you at the restaurant.

-

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[emmyhem]

everything you’re missing (c.t.h)

a/n: hi everybody, i’m back with another post. this is my first calum piece and i’m so excited to finally get it up. this is once again unedited, i’m way too tired rn. it’s also the second smut i’ve posted so that’s pretty exciting as well. yeah i don’t really have much to say right now because i’m literally exhausted, my classes are really kicking my ass. anyway i hope you all enjoy this bff!calum piece. feedback and comments are always appreciated. hope you all are doing well and are being safe. thank you - emmy <33

pairing: bff!calum hood x fem!reader

summary: a drunken text meant for your ex shows up on calum’s phone and leaves him questioning everything he’s missing out on with his best friend.

warning(s): talk of a previous bad relationship, y/n’s ex body shamed her, mentions of alcohol, insecurity, smut, cursing

word count: 4.7k

You’ve decided that 3 glasses of wine is your happy medium, but even a sip into the 4th and there’s no telling what you’ll do. 

So, naturally you were finishing up your 5th glass on Friday night while angrily scrolling through your exes instagram when you got what seemed to be an incredible idea. It was simply too tempting not to, your mind was feeling hazy which made your confidence skyrocket, and you truly did just look good. 

A day of pampering had left you in a black floor length silk robe with nothing but your favorite deep cherry red lingerie set underneath. Your face was bare and glowing after a refreshing and illuminating face mask, and your lips were left glossy and plump from a new scrub. 

You had posed in front of the floor length mirror in your living room, giggling between snaps until you had taken the perfect shot. It was classy but provocative, the dressing gown slipping from your shoulders exposing the lace of your bra and a tasteful amount of cleavage. You had also left the bottom open, allowing a clear shot of your thighs and the curve of your ass from where you sat on your knees. 

With a mischievous glint in your eyes you selected the picture into a message, typing a cheeky, “take a good look at everything you’re missing”  and sending it off to your ex (or so you thought). 

But you really couldn’t be blamed for your mistake, Cam and Cal were far too similar for your drunk brain to decipher the difference. You also couldn’t be blamed for the fact that you dozed off on the couch immediately after sending it, before you even had a chance to recognize your humiliating mistake. 

You were awoken by the ringing of your phone at around 9:00 am, way too early for your liking. Before even registering who it was, you brought the phone to your ear and groaned a sleepy, “hello,” 

“At your door.” a voice you recognized as your best friend responded. 

“M’coming” you said, scooting off the couch. On your way to the door you registered that you were still scantily covered, the robe falling off of you as you walked. You clutched it around you as you swung the door open to a wide eyed, Calum Hood. 

“G’morning.” he smirked, looking you up and down. 

“Shh” you hushed, pulling him in by the arm. “Why in the world are you here so early?”

He lightly laughed while taking a seat at the kitchen table, eyes following you while you moped over to the fridge and pulled out two water bottles. 

“Well,” he sighed as you handed him one. “I got a very interesting text last night and I figured I just had to come over and see, y’know everything I was missing.” he spoke in a teasing tone as he gestured a hand down your body.

You tugged your eyebrows together in confusion. There was something familiar about what he was saying, but not familiar enough for you to put the pieces together. 

“What are you talking about?” you questioned bringing the water bottle to your lips. 

Calum shrugged his shoulders, a smirk still glued to his face as he took out his phone and began looking for something. After a few seconds he extended his arm to hand you his phone. You accepted it and glanced down absentmindedly as your body slumped against the counter.  

The second your eyes hit the screen it all came back to you, your mouth fell open and you straightened out, suddenly very awake, not to mention very mortified. 

Calum on the other hand was buzzing. Actually, he had been ever since his phone dinged last night awakening him from his sleep. Well, buzzing and extremely, extremely sexually frustrated. 

When he first opened your message and saw the picture that would now be making a regular appearance in his wet dreams, he had nearly choked on his own breath. He knew that it was most likely a drunken mistake, and while that slightly saddened him it didn’t stop his dick from plumping up at the sight, straining uncomfortably against his boxers. He seriously debated wanking to the tempting image but decided against it, thinking it would be a gross violation of your privacy since it wasn’t even meant for him. Oh how he wished it was. Unfortunately that meant he had been sporting an exceptionally sensitive halfie since then. 

“Oh my god.” you groaned, sitting the phone down on the counter and covering your eyes in humiliation. “Cal I’m soooo sorry, I was drunk, and overly confident, and I meant to send this to Cam and now I’m just, I’m sorry.” you reiterated. 

‘Hey, don’t apologize on my account.” he countered. “Plus, you should be thrilled you sent it to me and not that asshole, doesn’t deserve ya.” 

“I know, you’re right. Doesn’t change the fact that I’m mortified though. S’bit ridiculous, get a little alcohol in my system and I have a god complex all of a sudden” you rambled, running your hands through your hair nervously. 

Calum stood and pulled you into his arms, resting his chin on the top of your head. 

“You think too much, y’know that?” he quipped. 

You turned your head, pressing a cheek against his sweater clad chest and mumbled, “Yea I’ve been known for that.” 

Calum softly chuckled at your words before pressing a chaste kiss to the top of your head and pulling apart. 

“S’really no big deal, y/n.” a teasing grin plastered on his face. “Besides I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it.”

“Calum!” you scolded, swatting a hand at his arm. 

He dodged your hit just in time and held his hands up in surrender before taking his seat again. 

“Why'd you let that dick bother you anyway? Y’know you’re way out of his league.” 

Your jaw clenched at the question, your mind wandering to every time you had come to Calum crying after your ex had done something to hurt you. Everytime he commented on your “stomach pudge” as he liked to call it, when you wore a tight dress to go out. Or when he would ask if you were really “that” hungry, even if you hadn’t eaten much at all. And each time you would feel absolutely wretched and end up sobbing in Calum’s arms, but refusing to tell him why you were so, so sad. 

“He texted me the other day y’know?” you muttered under your breath, while fiddling with the coffee machine. 

“Really? What’d he say?” Calum responded, watching your back with narrowed eyes. 

“Uh, he saw me the other night, when we were at that bar with the guys.” you said, shaky fingers pulling out a mug. 

“And?” he spoke flatly. 

“It’s stupid really,” you sniffled, willing your voice not to break. “He said I put on a few pounds, that he was glad he got out when he did.” your bottom lip traitorously jutted out as you turned to face him. 

“Fucking dick.” he hissed. 

Calum wasn’t necessarily proud of the violent images that flashed through his mind at the thought of that asshole finding yet another way to hurt you but, the sad little quiver of your lip allowed him to reason without a doubt that they were fair. 

Before you could even blink he was holding you again, arms impossibly tight around you. . 

“He’s wrong, y/n. Fuck, I don’t know how to even...he’s just so wrong.” he said softly, his hand rubbing your back reassuringly. 

“I know.” you whimpered, holding tears back. 

He pulled back enough to look you in the eyes, arms still firm around your waist. 

“No you don’t. It’s...It really fucking pisses me off that he makes you feel like this. It’s like-fuck you’re just like-” he moved his hands to cup your cheeks. “You really are gorgeous.” 

Your heart fluttered at his words, and your whole body felt warm as you stared at his big brown eyes. His words felt sincere, everything about him felt so sincere. 

“Thank you, Cal.” 

He pulled you back into his chest, “Really wish I could just, like hug away all his bullshit.” 

“M’used to it.” you mumbled. 

“You don’t deserve any of it.” 

“Yea, well what can you do.” you sighed, moving out of his embrace. 

Calum’s eyes were still glued to you as you stirred a spoonful of sugar in your coffee. 

“I hope you don’t let anything he says get to you.” 

You let out a breath of exhaustion. 

Confidence wasn’t something that you used to struggle with. I mean sure, there were spouts of insecurity here and there but you knew your worth, and you considered yourself pretty, hot even. That had all changed a few months into your latest relationship. First it was the backhanded compliments which quickly turned into passive comments, and then outright cruel insults. People really underestimate the toll their words take on others, especially when the person that’s making you feel so ugly and worthless, is one that you adore and who’s supposed to adore you right back, no matter what. 

“I try but, he can’t just be making it all up.” you were ashamed. When did you become the girl that lets a guy affect how she sees herself? That just wasn’t you. 

“He is. He’s insecure and a douche. He was probably trying to destroy your confidence to the point that you felt like you couldn’t leave him.” Calum assured. “But you’re way too strong for him, dumped his sorry ass anyway.” 

You smiled gratefully at his words, taking a seat next to him. 

“Yea, so strong I tried to send him half naked pictures for reassurance.” 

Calum shook his head, “I wish you could see how hot you are.” 

Your eyes widened at the compliment, your head dropping to avoid his stare as blood rushed to your cheeks. 

“I’d be happy to reassure you whenever you want.” he continued, bumping his knee against yours under the table. 

“Doesn’t count.” you dismissed, before sipping your coffee. “You're my best friend, you’re obligated to tell me I’m pretty.” 

“Doesn’t mean I don’t mean it.” he muttered back quietly, his expression dropping slightly. He hated when you deflected his compliments. All he ever wanted to do was make you feel good, and you made it very difficult for him when you blocked every swing he took at the wall of insecurity that Cam had built around you. He would kill Cam if he could. 

You let out an apologetic sigh, wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your face in his shoulder. 

“M’sorry, you’re right. I love you for that, the only thing keeping me sane.” 

Your heart squeezed as he hugged you back. 

Calum was perfect, he was sweet, and funny, and quite literally your favorite person on earth. Not to mention you had been hopelessly in love with him since practically the beginning of your friendship. But as his best friend you had heard over and over just how uninterested he was in a relationship. Everytime you would ask about his love life he would just respond, 

“I’m just not the boyfriend type, m’not cut out for it.” shrugging nonchalantly. 

Which you thought was laughable because anyone would be lucky to have him as a boyfriend, in fact sometimes you would let yourself pretend he was yours. 

Like,in a busy club with his hands on your hips, guiding you through the crowds. So close behind, you could feel each exhale on the back of your neck, as his eyes darted around the room to ensure there weren’t any potential threats to your safety, in the form of drunk overzealous flirts. Or after a night out when he got cuddly and clingy, and would find his way from the couch into your bed. You’d wake up with his cheek pressed against your chest and his arms snaked around your torso as he released soft breaths that caused goosebumps to rise on your exposed skin. You’d let yourself imagine that you had this every morning and that he would wake up any minute to smother your face in kisses and tell you he loved you. And of course, here he was again this morning being so thoughtful and kind and everything you wanted in a boyfriend. And here you were again swimming in his praises and physically having to restrain yourself from kissing him. 

Begrudgingly, you pulled away and stood up. 

“Gonna get changed.” you spoke. 

“I’m making us breakfast.” Calum called as you walked away. You hummed in response and slipped into your room. 

Once in the privacy of your own room you quickly pulled on a pair of leggings and a hoodie before scurrying to the bathroom sink and splashing cold water on your face in hopes of ridding yourself of any romantic thoughts towards your best friend.

Although you weren’t aware, Calum was doing the very same thing just a few feet away. Internally reminding himself repeatedly that it was never gonna happen with you. He wasn’t good enough to be anyone’s boyfriend, let alone yours. You didn’t want him that way and he could almost trick himself into believing that he was okay with that.

You hastily finished brushing your teeth before returning to the kitchen. You were greeted with the sight of Calum’s back, he stood over the toaster cutting an avocado and humming a song you didn’t recognize quietly to himself.  He looked over his shoulder as your footsteps approached. 

“Hungry?” he questioned. 

“You have no idea.” you affirmed, as he fixed a plate for you both. 

“Good. I was thinking we could watch something while we eat,” 

“Fine with me.” you responded, hoping he wouldn’t notice the distraction laced in your voice. Your focus had easily been stolen from the conversation to how easy it was to see his back muscles flex through the thin material of his jumper. 

But of course he did, it was Calum after all. 

“Y’alright?” he said, handing you a plate. 

“Uh, yep.” you rushed out. 

“Not still thinking about Cam, are you?” 

“No, not at all.” you answered honestly, walking to the couch, Calum trailing closely behind you. 

“Then what’s got you all flustered?” 

“You” you thought, taking a seat in the furthest corner. 

“I’m not flustered.” 

“Bullshit” he countered, sitting practically on top of you. 

You let out a huff, and motioned to the other  completely empty side of the couch. 

“Is there a reason we aren’t practicing personal space right now?” 

He laughed softly at your question and nuzzled closer into your side. 

“Yea, you’re all pouty, looks like you need a cuddle.” 

 “I’m really fine Cal.” you shoved him lightly but saw no results, he just scooched in even closer and bit into his toast. 

The two of you sat in silence while some newly released action movie played on your TV. Calum’s arm was wrapped around your shoulders keeping you tight to his side, and although you could’ve sworn that you had been in this exact same position hundreds of times, you felt as if this were the very first time. Every single one of your nerves were on fire and the warmth that had flooded your body was making you antsy. 

Feeling overwhelmed by your senses, you allowed your eyes to flutter close with a deep inhale. 

“You okay?” Calum whispered, dipping his head down slightly to reach your ear.

You opened your mouth to respond but didn’t trust your voice to protrude through your shaky exhales, settling for a subdued nod instead. 

“You sure?” his words were long and drawled out, despite your eyes being closed you knew his proximity from the feeling of his breath just behind your ear. 

Before you could speak up his hand secured itself just above your knee, and your muscles flexed involuntarily at the contact. 

“Relax, y/n” he continued, his thumb beginning to run repeatedly over a spot on your inner knee. 

Everything in your brain was screaming at you to excuse yourself, maybe even kick him out, anything to gain some space and hopefully some clarity from the cloud of sexual tension that was looming over the two of you and blurring boundaries at lightning speed. But you were essentially frozen in place, petrified that any movement would alert Calum to the way he was affecting you. 

Your head lolled back to rest on his forearm which was lying behind you on the couch and finally peeled your eyes open, staring up at the ceiling. 

He watched you from the corner of his eye, taking note of every rise and fall of your chest, every thick swallow of your throat. 

If there was one thing Calum was well versed in, it was his ability to read you, he liked to think he knew you better than anyone else in the world. He could tell exactly how you were feeling just by watching you, your face, your breathing and he was more than shocked when he started getting the feeling you were no longer upset but something far more appealing. 

Were you turned on? Right here in his presence? The thought made blood rush to his dick, which twitched in his pants when another breathy sigh passed your lips. 

“What’re you thinking about, love?” 

Everything in you urged you to answer honestly, just tell him the truth. “You, I’m thinking about you. I’m always thinking about you.” But you couldn’t do that, so instead you deflected. 

“What’re you thinking about?” you countered, meeting his eyes. 

Calum questioned his next words very carefully, debating whether or not he could recover if he was wrong about what you were feeling and you shut him down. It was pointless though, he knew he would never recover from your rejection. He also knew that spontaneous combustion wouldn’t look very good on his tombstone and that’s exactly what would happen if he spent one more minute not kissing you. 

Fuck it. 

“That pretty little set you had on last night.” he confessed. 

That you weren’t expecting. 

A quiet whine rang from your throat and you were far too affected to feel embarrassed. 

And that did it, Calum was now impossibly hard in his pants, no doubt leaking precum onto his boxer briefs. He needed to get his hands on you, now. 

His hand started to slowly travel up your thigh, goosebumps rising on every centimeter they passed. 

“So gorgeous in red, aren’t ya y/n?”

“Cal,” you hissed when his thumb brushed the sensitivity of your inner thigh. 

“Mm.” he hummed. “It’d be pretty hard fo’me to stop right now, but I will if that’s what you want. Is that what you want, love?” 

He was sure he’d cry if he had to let go of you now, but he needed to hear you say it. 

“No, don’t wanna stop.” you whined, turning your body flush to his.

“Whaddya want then, baby? Hm?” You could feel his every word on the flushed skin of your neck as he leaned into the crook.

“Want you.” 

He could’ve came then and there. 

“Then I’m all yours.” he admitted before crashing his lips on yours. 

Your heart was in your stomach as his tongue entered your mouth, explorative and eager. He was too busy memorizing your taste to notice your fingers tugging at his sweater. You attempted to push it up desperate to feel his skin under your hands. You were able to pull the fabric up about halfway before they were blocked by his arms that were holding you close against him.

Calum laughed when you pulled apart from the kiss, giving him a disappointed look. 

“Want it off?” he teased. 

You couldn’t bother to be embarrassed when you nodded eagerly in response. He didn’t waste any time peeling the fabric off of his skin, and you were quick to lightly run a finger across the ink feather just below his collarbone. 

Now it was his turn to tug on your clothes, “Level the playing field?” 

You nodded, lifting your arms and allowing him to lift the sweatshirt over your head leaving your chest completely bare. Calum groaned at the sight of your tits, his hands quickly finding your waist and tugging you down to lay on your back in one swift motion. 

Once you were laid out in front of him he took the opportunity to explore the new skin. His hands left a lingering warmth as they dragged across your stomach and despite the kind words and endearing demeanor that he always upheld with you, you found yourself shying under his gaze, wanting to curl away from him. As your hands began to wrap around your stomach in an attempt to cover yourself up he quickly pushed them away, locking them in place on either side of you. 

“Wanna see everything baby, all of you.” he cooed in your ear before nipping at the lobe. 

His kisses began to travel down your neck, sucking a few marks to your collar bones and the surrounding areas. When his fingers grazed over a fresh bruise in the dip just between your neck and shoulders you hissed lightly. 

“You look so pretty marked up for me. All mine, aren’t you baby? Not Cam’s, mine. Say it.” 

“Yours, Cal.” you admitted, feeling your body sink further into the couch. You had never felt drunk off of someone’s words before and the experience was leaving you sputtering, completely compliant to your best friend. 

He hummed contently at your confession, his large hands gripping at your hips, before slowly peeling your leggings off.

“Y’feel so good in my hands, like you were made for me.” his thumbs poking at the soft skin, just beneath your panties. 

The feeling of his hands so close to where you needed them, but not quite there was driving you crazy. 

“Cal, please.” you begged. 

He groaned before tugging at the cotton covering you. “Cam’s a fucking idiot, y’know that? He had the prettiest girl in the world and treated her like shit. I’d never do that, wanna worship you baby.” 

It was ridiculous how overwhelmed his words were leaving you, all desperate and squirming. As his fingers met the soaked expanse of your cunt you couldn’t hold back the throaty moan it elicited. 

A pornographic sigh followed close behind, one that made Calum want to pinch himself to ensure he wasn’t in the midst of a haunting dream. 

“Soaked f’me darling.” he mused, running his fingers up and down your folds to completely coat you in your arousal. You whimpered at the feeling, bucking your hips up desperate for friction. 

Tutting while shaking his head, he used one hand on your lower stomach to press you back down to the couch. 

“Stay still for me won’t you, love?” he cooed, continuing to run his fingers over your core lightly. 

When you bobbed your head up and down in agreement he lifted your leg to his mouth, pressing a kiss to your calf. 

“Hm, good girl.” he praised, softly laying your leg back down. 

Calum hovered above you, dipping his head down every so often to peck at your chest, his fingers still unrelenting. The knot in your lower stomach tightened every second that passed and you felt like you could scream at any second, yearning to be full. 

Calum felt like he could burst any minute himself but was determined to make this experience the best of your life. He wanted to give you something to remember, a reason to want more. 

Your soft moans and frustrated grunts alerted him to your neediness and he was just about ready to give in for the both of you. 

“What do you need from me, baby?” he said against your shoulder before peppering kisses across your collar bones. 

You could only respond with an airy moan when his fingers found your clit. 

“Hm? My fingers?” You shook your head aggressively. He knew exactly what you wanted, the tease. 

“No? Want my mouth?” he teased further, leaving an opened mouth kiss in between your tits. 

“Cal,” you sighed. “Fuck me, please.”

He groaned at your words, nipping lightly at the skin before ridding himself of his pants. 

“You’re a fucking dream, y’know that?” he praised, desperately searching for a condom in his pants. When he finally located one he held it up to you as if it were a prized possession, smiling proudly at his own preparedness. 

He hastily freed himself from the constraints of his boxers and rolled the condom on, never once taking his eyes off of the blissful expression on your face. 

“Ready?” he questioned, his tip lightly pressing at your entrance. You nodded and sucked in a breath, bracing yourself for the stretch, your eyes falling closed in the process. 

When a few seconds went by and nothing happened you opened your eyes to find Calum staring down at you in awe. 

“Cal,” you whined. “what’re you doing?” 

Your words seemed to break him from his trance, he shook his head and muttered an apology to you. 

“Sorry, fuck you’re pretty. You’ve got no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this.” 

“Then stop waiti-” your words were cut off by a sharp hiss that couldn’t have been prevented as his length finally pressed into you. 

“Fuck.” Calum groaned his head falling back. You felt too good around him, seriously he was fucked, completely ruined for you. 

You felt the exact same as your silky moans filled the room. You had never been filled this good and you questioned how you had gone so long without this. 

“M-move” you sighed, clenching around him. 

You could hear his breath catch at the feeling and he grunted out a strained, “Need a minute.” 

He held himself in place for a few more seconds until his breaths began to even out once again before pulling nearly all the way out and slamming back in. 

You yelped, pulling your lip between your teeth in hopes to drown the sound. 

He continued slamming into you at an unrelenting pace, taking notice of each time your eyes would roll back when he brushed against your g-spot. He could write a book about how good you looked all fucked for him. 

As his thrusts grew closer together you could feel your release creeping up on you.  

“Cal, need’ta cum.” you stuttered out. 

His hands tightened around your hips, pulling you even closer to him as his head poked at that spot again. 

“Go on baby, let go.” he encouraged, willing himself to hold out a little longer as your walls fluttered around him. 

Once you had came it only took him about three more thrusts before he was painting the condom with his release, groaning your name as his hand searched for yours to intertwine them as he came down from his own high. 

  His body flopped next to yours on the couch, both of you struggling to fit next to each other in such a small space, not that either of you minded the close quarters. 

Your fingers remained laced together as you caught your breath, Calum peppering kisses to your shoulder and mumbling praises into your skin. 

“You’re an angel. God, I just- I love you.” he said, causing your head to snap in his direction. 

He looked like a deer in headlights when you asked for him to repeat himself. 

“I love you?” he obliged.

“Is it a question?” 

“No, I’m just not used to saying it.” he admitted, vulnerability clear in his eyes. 

You wanted to kiss away the worried crease in his forehead but instead pressed your lips to his, pulling apart a fraction of an inch to speak after a few seconds.

“I love you too.” you ensured. 

Calum eyes widened, not expecting you to say it back, at least not so soon. He had so much he wanted to say to you but figured all of it could be summed up by another kiss to your soft lips. So he closed the distance once again, using a bit more force this time in hopes it would convey the strength of his feelings for you.

[garoujo]

emmie!! okay i been meaning to send u an ask with one of my infamous thirsts for several days now but kept forgetting or got busy but here i am😭 i think i mentioned this a while back and i wanted to do a full fic on this but i present to you: grimmjow + scent kink <3

before i talked about garou with a scent kink but i think this fits just as well, if not more so with grimmy 🙈he just has this inherent feral nature about him that makes me go feral, UGH i miss him so bad i might have to go back to the arrancar arc just to see him again :( but ofc we all know that grimmjow is very possessive— as he should bc that’s so sexy of him— and he gets really…territorial almost, with this pretty human gworl that’s close with ichi ‘n crew and can also see spiritual beings like hollows and shinigami. back when he led his lil group to karakura town for the first time, he spots us trying to go home and avoid all the chaos and for some reason, some primal rationale deep within his being, felt immediately attracted to you, but ofc being prideful as he is, rebuked those lingering thoughts/curiosity/attraction because you were human for crying out loud. you didn’t even seem to have any powers like chad or orihime despite them being ‘human’ too. so at first he ignored you and carried on with what he initially came here for: to find a worthy opponent and fight them.

we all know his adjuchas form was a panther right ? and the moment that he kind of…passed by you , or passed by a sidewalk that you just recently walked on— God his mind literally blanked like…his train of thought momentarily went off the rails and he lost concentration on the fight he was currently engaging; he swore blood from his brain rushed down to his cock and with the way he actually lost his balance for like a split second. ‘what was that smell? and why the fuck does it smell so…so good?’ he wondered, completely enraptured and finding himself wanting to fulfill the instantaneous urge to follow the scent, like a fucking dog. when he knew it was you, that the tantalizing aroma was coming from you and that plush body, he nearly lost his senses and abandoned the whole fight with carrot top as a whole, just to seek you out, and take you for himself. and he’s not good with impulse control either so the fact he has so much self restrain to focus on the current task at hand was a feat in itself .

but when he returned to his own quarters in hueco mundo and had time to process everything? he was really going crazy with you swirling in within senses . he needed you— no, he needed to smell you again (it would be very soon when he’d realize he needed your entire being, your soul and your body). anyway grimmjow being grimmjow, he was already plotting on when to go back to the world of the living and— he didn’t even know what he was going to do but he just knew that he had to satiate these thoughts he’s been having. he could feel his dick getting hard when he remembered how you looked (something he didn’t think he was paying attention too but he was; he’s very observant) and then that luscious figure paired with how you smelled? within a few seconds his pants were at his ankles and his large hand was wrapped around his girthy length. he cursed himself through deep groans for being so depraved to even do something like this but poor baby couldn’t help it <3

eventually, around the same time ulquiorra (🥺) coerced orihime and kidnapped her, grimmy used that opportunity to ….well basically kidnap you as well💀 this was his own reward for losing his position as an elite espada and then getting it right back. because he deserved a prize. you were scared of course, but then became less scared when you recalled just where you’ve seen him from , and saw how handsome he was. you were still off put by his behavior though, because he always seemed to have his nose way too close to you for comfort. ‘was he sniffing me?’ you contemplated when you side eyed him as he dragged you to his own room. every opportunity grimmy got (when he was alone of course) he would embrace you, from behind most of the time, nuzzled his nose behind your ear and take a not-so-subtle to whiff. his hands damn near groped your body; you’d hear him release something like a growl and deep purr from the back of his throat, and he didn’t miss the way your fists and thighs instinctively clenched together. he smirked wickedly into your skin as he took another, pairing it a long stripe of his tongue up the side of your neck, grumbling something along the lines of “fuck, you smell so fucking good,”

normally he would have judged people who acted this ill-composed and depraved but now he was no better than them with the way he acted around you. he was like a feral animal that needed to be kept on a leash. if anybody’s gaze even lingered on you for too long, he himself would feel offended and glare, giving them a “the hell you staring at? huh?” since he was always around you. that’s another thing too, grimmjow with a scent kink was so clingy 😭 you found it cute the way he’d want to hold you close all the time , esp when it was time to sleep . he always felt the need to bend you over and fuck your brains out literally anywhere you went, but he didn’t bc he still had a little bit decency n self control left.

but when he does??????? GOD when he does, it’s the most….you feel so many things when you’re havin sex with grimmjow . you feel the possessive nature of his personality with the way he gripped your hips so hard, the way he constantly inhaled your scent as he drilled his hips wildly into your dripping cunt (he’d always tease you for that, despite him purposely provoking you to embarrass you). his favorite position is back shots bc he likes to watch his cock impale you over and over, as well as seeing your fat ass ripple and bounce against his hips. “pussy so—shit—so fuckin’ good…all that time before i came and got you, you were keeping her tight for me yeah? fuck, yeah. this cunt was made for me.” he’d say the most filthy things when he had your legs spread open for him. he also loved missionary just so he can watch your face scrunch up in overwhelming pleasure and good hear you whining his name better. grimmy with a scent kink also gets drunk on cooch OBVI! he can spend hours down there until there’s a lake on his face and the sheets, he’s actually insane. he’d edge you by stopping on the verge of your orgasm just to SMELL ur pussy like. baby is addicted!!!!!!

and don’t even get me started on period sex and the faint smell of metallic iron mixed in with your natural aroma🤧 grimmjow damn near falls in luv w you fr <3 and you were the only human he liked .

SOSA ! FOR FREE ? pls i have literally just woke up and i’m akhakaka >//< i need him so bad ! sooooo bad ! between garou n grimmjow . ur making my brainrot 4 both of dem even worse than it already was <3_<3 like ur taking me back 2 my roots i’m gonna eat them whole ! i need this man so much . like akhajaka he makes me feel feral ! ur brain produces such G O L D i’m literally in bits here !

[15-dogs]

everything and anything |s.b.|

hello hello!! this is for @chudleycanons writing challenge!! everyone go check emmy out, she’s an amazing writer!! congrats again on 600 emmy :)

pairing: young!sirius black x reader

summary: sirius offers to take you to the ball but has other intentions in mind

warnings: the reader describes being insecure about their looks

prompts: fake dating, “Did I mean anything to you?”, “Dance with me”

guide: (Y/N) = your name, (Y/L/N) = your last name

word count: 3797

If anyone ever asked if you liked being the mom friend, you would instantly say yes. There was no doubt in your mind that you absolutely loved the position. You had this knack for taking care of everyone out of the pure goodness of your heart but you certainly weren’t afraid to throw a few punches if someone looked at your friend funny. That’s just who you were and you never wanted to change that.

However, as all things do, the title came with its downfalls. One being that you were always last in line to be picked from the group of eligible bachelorettes that were your friends. It usually would have never bothered you if it weren’t for a large, end of the year ball that Flitwick had decided to throw together. 

Alice had partnered up with Frank, Marlene was going with Dorcas, and Mary was going with Peter. Remus had the full moon the night before and Sirius had decided not to attend so there goes your two other options. Lily had promised that if you and her didn’t get dates by the time the ball rolled around, you two would go together. However, James had his way of working into her heart with very little effort. So there you were, stuck without a date.

It didn’t just make you embarrassed, it made you ashamed. And you shouldn’t have been! A few weeks prior, you thought that a Ravenclaw fancied you but you were quite mistaken, seeing as how they blew you off for dates. It wasn’t until you spotted him making out with the prefect opposite him during rounds did you realize he didn’t like you at all. You choked back the sobs that bubbled up in your chest and ran to your dorm to tell the girls all about it. When you got there, Lily was jumping up and down with excitement, claiming that James and her kissed. Decidedly, you did not tell the girls about what happened between you and that Ravenclaw, feeling like you were clouding Lily’s joy. 

Yet, the thought of you being the “less attractive” option than your friends still kept you up at night. Your friends were beautiful, they always were getting asked out on dates and you were always cheering them on, giving advice, whatnot. It was fun, or at least for a while. Sometimes it became tiring having to hear about how they were dating a new person each week while you sat, wondering what on Earth you did wrong.

You always pushed those thoughts to the back of your mind as you celebrated Marlene’s birthday in the common room. She squealed as she opened your present— a new jean jacket with patches of which you had hand picked and sewn on yourself— and immediately began to thank you. You felt awkward under her praise, opting to get the food ready instead.

You came back a moment later with snacks in your hand and some drinks, leading Dorcas to suggest you all play a drinking game. You teetered with anxieties as you remembered how everyone (and that meant everyone) acted when they were drunk. Maybe you should just stay sober. The group booed you but you merely shook your head, claiming that they’d thank you later when they were stumbling up to their dorms in their drunken stupor.

About an hour in, the drinking game turned into a group of drunk 7th years playing truth or dare. You decided to hop into the game, considering that you didn’t have to drink but instantly regretted your choice the second everyone started talking about the ball.

“Have you picked out a dress?” Mary asked Lily, leaning forward and biting her thumbnail. Lily nodded excitedly.

“Yes! I’m picking it up this weekend at the tailors from Hogsmeade.”

“You’re joking!” Marlene gasped. She looked between her and Dorcas before looking back at Lily. “We’re picking our dresses up this weekend at the same place! We should all go together! Mary? Alice? (Y/N)?”

You felt your heart sink and forced a smile on your face. Sirius, sitting beside you, nudged your knee with his. You looked up at him and he raised his brows.

“What?” you whispered.

“Are you okay?” Shockingly, his breath smelled the least like alcohol which was a rare occurrence for the party-crazed boy.

“I’m fine,” you shot out quickly. “Totally, perfectly fine.”

The truth was, you were not fine. Sirius knew it, too. Hearing that the girls were going to get their dresses felt like a slap in the face— you shouldn’t go to the dance at all. If you were going to mope around the whole time, what good would you be?

But it wasn’t because you were going alone, not really, anyway. It was because you were scared. To say that you didn’t like the way you looked was an understatement. You loved wearing dresses and skirts just as much as you loved wearing jeans and pants, but something about formalwear had your heart lurching in your chest. You wanted to be pretty, that was it, and you were afraid that people would laugh.

Someone of sound mind would have been able to reassure you that no one would have laughed at you, but no one knew of your insecurities and you didn’t plan on telling them. You constantly scolded yourself about those feelings but they kept resurfacing in every way possible.

When your attention shifted back to the group, you had realized they asked you a question. James let out a stifled giggle at your blank face and Lily swatted his arm.

“Huh?” you mumbled.

“We wanted to know how things are going with that Ravenclaw, Elliott,” Lily explained. “Did he ask you to the ball yet?”

Your lips parted and closed again, feeling that familiar sense of shame form deep in your stomach. “Oh,” you muttered lamely, “well, er, we aren’t...he’s not…”

“Oh, Godric. What did he do?”

“Oh, it’s— believe me— it’s nothing. I just, well, I think I misinterpreted a few signals here and there.”

“And how’s that?” Remus asked.

“I, um, walked in on him...snogging Jennifer, the other Ravenclaw prefect.”

A chorus of disgusted and shocked exclamations sounded around you. You looked away from their penetrating gazes, fiddling with your hands in your lap instead. One gaze struck you as particularly attention grabbing: Sirius’s. You looked up at the boy to the right of you on the couch, his gray eyes softened at your somber expression.

“He was leading you on, (Y/N). He’s a right git, easily. This wasn’t your fault.”

“I…” you trailed off, confused by his words. Yet, they comforted the part of you that was aching most. “Thanks, Sirius. I think I needed to hear that.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Your eyes locked with his and you felt a strange shift in the air. It was like an electrified silence. Although, it wasn’t silent. Marlene had been calling your name for the past minute now.

“Babes, hello!” Your eyes snapped up to Marlene’s at her words. “Who are you going with then?”

“About that, well, I don’t think I’m going to-”

You were cut off but groans and sighs from the girls around you. They immediately shot out protests, seemingly begging you to reconsider. You awkwardly shrugged when Sirius nudged you with his foot.

“Just because some bloke was an arse to you means you aren’t going to the ball? Come on, (Y/N), that’s not the you I know.”

“That’s not it,” you shot.

“Listen, I’ll go with you.”

Your eyes met Sirius’ with shock. You blinked a few times, then rubbed your eyes. “You can’t be serious.”

“Oh, please, love”— he leaned in towards you so that his breath was hot against your ear— “I’m always Sirius.”

You elbowed him with a smirk, feeling a sense of guilt creep up in your throat. You blushed and shook your head. “It’s fine, Sirius, you don’t have to do that-”

“No, I want to.” His words took you by surprise. “It’s not like I was going with anyone so why not you?”

You shifted awkwardly in your seat, trying not to think about the implications of his words. But you couldn’t help thinking about how he wasn’t even going in the first place. Your heart sped up in your chest but you were convinced it was from gratitude and surprise. So, as you were swept off your feet by your friend of 7 years, you said, “Okay, let’s go to the ball together.”

A decision you’d later come to regret.

—

You sat with your friends at the Gryffindor table, eating your breakfast before you left for Hogsmeade to pick up your dresses. You were rifling through your bag to see if you had some extra money to buy some chocolate for Remus when you heard excited gasps surrounding you. Your eyes snapped up just in time to see a single rose fall in front of your face. The owl that held it hooted and flew away, only for another owl to repeat its actions.

All eyes in the Great Hall were on you as the few roses soon turned into a bouquet. You held a careful hand over your mouth as you searched for the culprit. Fortunately, you didn’t need to look that hard. Unfortunately, it was because the sender— Sirius— had jumped onto the Gryffindor table as he called out your name. He walked towards you, students pulling their plates to their chests with each step. Finally, he stood in front of you, arms crossed and grin smug.

“Sirius!” you hissed. You glanced up at the professors’s table, where McGonagall eyed Sirius warily. “Would you get down from there?”

“Only if you go to the ball with me!”

Murmurs quickly filled the room.

“That’s what this is about? You’re mental! I said yes a few days ago!”

“Is it still a yes, then?” Although Sirius was acting with a confidence like no other person you’d seen, he still seemed nervous to hear your response.

“Yes, you git! Now get down!”

You stood up as you reached out your hands, tugging Sirius back to the ground as he cried, “She said yes!”

Glares from people without dates landed on you but you tried your best to ignore it. You chanced a look over your shoulder to meet the confused eyes of Elliott boring holes into your back.

You felt your cheeks heat up furiously but you couldn’t help but laugh at his behavior. Your laughter was suddenly silenced as Sirius stood inches apart from your face. You tried your best not to inhale his cologne that strangely had you weak in the knees but you simply couldn’t help it with your close proximity.

To make matters worse, Sirius reached up to tuck some hair behind your ear and you were positive that you felt something towards him that you hadn’t felt before. He winked at you and chuckled handsomely before pushing away to meet up with his friends.

Your friends quickly surrounded you as they asked repeated questions about what in the world just happened between you and Sirius. You couldn’t process, though. Not then. All you could do was hold your face in your hands with blank eyes as you feared the tiny, miniscule, barely there crush that you might have on Sirius Black.

—

In Transfiguration a few days later, you sat at your desk near the front, awaiting Lily’s arrival. When you heard a familiar, bubbly laughter, your head whipped around to the back to see James with his arm around Lily as she sat in Sirius’s seat. You were a little saddened that she had left you to sit with her boyfriend, but you didn’t let it show— after all, you were happy that they had finally gotten together.

You felt an arm snake around the back of your chair, causing you to jump. When you looked over, Sirius was in Lily’s seat, his arm wrapped around your shoulders, the dumbest grin on his face.

“Good morning, (Y/L/N).” You hated the way his deep, slightly raspy voice made you shiver.

“Morning, yourself, Black.” 

You studied him out of the corner of your eye as he relaxed into his chair. Merlin, he looked handsome with his sleeves rolled up and hair mussed. You sucked in a sharp breath with horror at your thoughts, butterflies occupying your stomach as his thumb stroked your shoulder. You thought that you might die when his hand slipped down the chair to rest on your waist, only for him to tug you closer.

“I asked Evans to sit with Prongs today; she didn’t seem to mind,” he whispered roughly against your ear.

You hummed. “Hm, I wonder why?”

He stifled a laugh as he tipped forward, looking at the blank piece of parchment on his desk.

“I meant to ask you, what color is your dress?”

You blinked in shock at the change in topic. “It’s blue.”

He rolled his eyes. “Shades of blue, love.”

“I didn’t know that the different shades mattered to you,” you said, pretending to be impressed by his prompt.

“Shockingly, I’m more than just a pretty face.”

“Really?”

He fought back a chuckle and shook his head. “Shade, love, go on.”

“It’s baby blue.”

His eyes roved over your body for a moment too long. You became self-conscious at his stare, angling away from him. His eyes softened at your actions. You felt his slightly calloused hand take yours, raising it to his lips as he kissed your knuckles. Your eyes darted around the room to see if anyone saw what was happening, if it was as out of the ordinary as you imagined. Your eyes landed on Elliott who watched with distaste as Sirius acted like he was much more than just a friend, a sense of satisfaction filling you.

“You’re going to be gorgeous, love. You are gorgeous.”

When you looked into Sirius’ captivating gray eyes, you knew you were done for. You didn’t know what game he was playing, but you were sure you didn’t want it to end.

—

You were rushing back from the library, just having noticed that you were late to meeting your friends. You had all decided to get ready for the ball together, mostly because you were no good at makeup but quite good at hair, Lily was no good at hair but quite good at accessorizing, Marlene was no good at accessorizing but quite good at makeup, and so on.

You made it to the portrait and were about to state the password when someone stopped you. “Hey, (Y/L/N)!”

You turned around to see Elliott bombing towards you. “Hey, what’s going on?”

He slowed to a stop in front of you, his lips twitching into a smile. “I was wondering if you wanted to go to the ball with me?”

You scoffed, but felt an immediate sense of guilt at your response. “Sorry, Elliott, but I’m going with Sirius-”

“I know.”

You looked around, seeing if Sirius was hiding somewhere to tell you he set this up, that it was all a joke. You clenched your eyes shut before eyeing the Ravenclaw in front of you.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Elliott.”

“Say yes. Go with me, not Black.” He took a step forward, ducking to meet your gaze. “I fancy you.”

You shook your head hurriedly, whispering the password as you darted away from him, your head swarming with severe thoughts. He called after you but didn’t dare follow as you ran up the stairs to your dorm.

You slammed the door shut behind you, panting as you slid your back down it. Lily nudged your foot with hers, causing you to look up at her.

“What happened to you?”

You jumped to your feet, running your hands through your hair as you muttered, “It’s bad, quite bad.”

“Well, we have the time as long as you get ready.”

So as you got yourself ready for the ball, you explained the direness of the situation. A sinking feeling set into your stomach with each word as you realized that you might fancy Sirius a little more than you let on. Mary blinked with shock, studying you carefully.

“Aren’t you and Sirius going together?” she asked.

“To the ball, yes.”

“No, no.” Mary waved her mascara wand in the air as she shook her head. “I mean going together. Like, dating.”

“What?” you cried, causing Marlene to smack your arm in order for you to stay still while she did your eyeshadow. “What made you think that?”

Dorcas snorted. “What didn’t make us think that?”

You went pale. “All of you thought that?”

You heard grumbled agreements and your stomach flipped. Was it because you were too obvious about your little crush? Or was there something else that had caused them to think that? Either way, you desperately needed to talk to Sirius.

The six of you went downstairs to meet your dates, all waiting in the Gryffindor common room. Seeing Sirius standing there with a tiny, blue morning glory which matched your dress had your heart lurching. You didn’t even realize that he was talking to you until he took your hand in his.

“Are you alright, love?”

You sucked in a sharp breath, nodding at your friends that they should leave without you. Once the common room was empty (and Sirius was thoroughly puzzled) you said, “We need to talk.”

Sirius sighed knowingly, scuffing his food against the ground. “Take it Elliott asked you to the ball, then?”

“I-...y-yes, how did you know?” You fiddled with your hands to avoid meeting his eyes. Everything about this situation made you want to run away and hide forever.

“Because that was the plan, (Y/N). Did you say yes-”

“The plan?” Your eyes snapped up to his, a new feeling ruminating behind them. Sirius cowered under your glare. “What plan?”

“That’s what this was all about, wasn’t it?” he tested. You crossed your arms and huffed. “It was about getting Elliott to realize he was stupid, it was about me pretending to be your...something until he realized that he shouldn’t have turned you down.”

Your heart shattered. All of Marlene’s hard work on your makeup went completely to waste as traitorous tears slipped down your cheeks, streaks of mascara coating your face. You felt sick.

“That’s what this was about, then? You were my something.” You tried with all your might to control the shaking in your voice but there was nothing you could do; you were a mess.

Sirius, finally aware of how his words affected you, took a step towards you with the intent of taking your hands in his. You jerked your hands away from him with a strangled sob.

“No, listen, that’s not-”

“Did I mean anything to you?”

The words weren’t supposed to come out of your mouth, they weren’t. Yet, they did. And you meant them. That was the worst part.

Sirius was silent.

No, that was the worst part.

Your breaths became labored and you didn’t want to cry in front of Sirius, so you ran up to your dorm room. As you leapt onto the stairs, a strong voice stopped you.

“You mean everything to me!” Sirius shouted after you. You froze midstep. “You’re always going to mean everything to me!”

You slowly turned around on your heel. “I don’t understand-”

“It was supposed to be innocent, good natured fun. I was supposed to be helping you out with Elliott. But then you had to be yourself! You had to be funny, and beautiful, and gentle and I was not supposed to fall for you, but things never go according to plan. So, yes, you mean everything and anything to me.”

The room was silent save for the music that radiated from the Great Hall into the common room. You took a few sobering breaths as Sirius awaited a response.

“I said no, by the way. I couldn’t do it. Not when I knew how I felt about you.”

His eyes lit up and he took a step towards you. “And, er, how do you feel about me?”

You rolled your eyes as you made your way back down the stairs. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

He chuckled as he outstretched an arm to you, helping you walk down the last few steps. He pulled you close to his chest, searching your eyes for something that wasn’t present. He guided you to the portrait hole but your feet bolted to the ground.

“I can’t go out there looking like this!” you explained.

Sirius fought a snicker as he saw your panicked expression. He guided you back to the middle of the room, an intenseness in his gaze that you’d never seen before. He let go of your hand only to hold it out to you again.

“Dance with me.”

You tried to protest but your words died on your tongue. You reluctantly took him up on the offer, gasping when he pulled you flush against his chest.

Suddenly, things began to feel out of place. You didn’t deserve this. You didn’t deserve Sirius. You had never been “chosen” out of your friends because that wasn’t you, you weren’t the girl that people went after. Your heart panged with guilt as you looked away from his piercing stare.

“You’re doing that thing again.” Sirius tucked your head into his chest, his voice vibrating against your ear.

“What thing?”

“You get that little look on your face where your eyebrows knit together and you can’t look anyone in the eye because you’re scared.”

“Scared?” you asked incredulously.

“Scared of getting things that you deserve.”

You lifted your head from his chest to meet his eyes. “And what exactly do I deserve?”

You expected something smart from him, something that would make you roll your eyes and groan. Instead, a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips as Sirius said, “Happiness, complete happiness.”

In a moment of impulse, your hands wrapped around the back of his head to plant a kiss firmly against his lips. 

In a shocking turn of events, Sirius hesitated. His eyes went wide when you kissed him and it took him a moment to process your actions. However, once he did get hold of himself, he pulled you impossibly closer by the waist, kissing you passionately like there was nowhere else he’d want to be.

And that was true, of course. There was nowhere else he wanted to be besides with you. 

And seeing the way that Sirius looked at you made everything worth the wait.

[immortalise]

I just got blasted on a post on SM on the Retta story for pointing out the truth. This is all Jenna and Christina's fault and realized this is clearly a situation of fans who know and fans who don't know lol.

I am in fact a boring white minivan suburban house mom. have been here since the beginning so I think we all know what was happening if you were paying attention. My initial love of the show was the fact that they were 3 "basic bitches" who could get away with stuff. But then no they had to dumb down Rio. Make Beth a "bad ass". Force Dean down our throats.

I love every cast member from their past work (from Manny to Reno) and supported the show simply because of them even if I hate watched and walked away alot then came on here to anon my annoyance into the void.

But I can't be as annoyed at Rhetta because I can understand if she's annoyed at loosing the paycheck.

It's Chriatina (who I used to be a huge fan of) and Jenna that pissed me off. Their obsession with Dillard (still love him but hate Dean) is what ruined the shows writing. And it's clear none of the main cast embraced Manny. Why would Manny want to stay when he got like 5 lines an episode and was the major draw.

Anyways again I just laughed at how outraged everyone on that post was to me when I blamed Christina. There really are 2 types of fans out there. Watching this show after season 2 was a huge exercise in patience.

And one final thing I did watch Manny in all his prior work. He had and has chemistry with every male and female he's ever worked with. I mean I saw the man sell me chemistry in a prison visiting room with his boyfriend by simply touching hands under the table. If anyone credits Cristina with the chemistry between Beth and Rio, well that's a damn lie.

I feel like CH, because she was the “biggest star” on the show (Emmy nominated and all that for a show from a decade ago) and when she got that executive producer credit in the last 2 seasons, she had pull that no one else had. Matthew Lillard (Dean) being in the show for as long as he was was a big indicator IMO.

Retta while I understand her frustration in losing a check, was just plain wrong & petty (and still not getting booked so 🤷🏾‍♀️).

And Beth/CH fans are weirdly unhinged when it comes to her so I wouldn’t pay them any mind.

The executive production team (Jenna, Bill etc) is to blame for sure. I have theory that Manny’s issue with GG was not only the 3 leads, but the executive production team.

All in all, they (cast & some fans) needed someone to blame and decided to put the blame on a person who they didn’t already like and a person who didn’t take their shit. And that was Manny. It backfired though.

[sailingintothenight]

“Put your head on my Shoulder.” T.H. Imagine.

Summary: And what if after years of chasing each other like a cat and mouse, on a magical night where you two have to pretend to be a couple, you are finally able to say how you really feel about each other?

A/N: Hello everyone, after a while, and because a couple of people asked me, I wrote the second part of this story, "WANNABE", but you don't have to read it to understand this one. Anyway, I really hope you like it. Please give this story a lot of love. Thank you - V.

Tom Holland hates not being able to hate you.

The secret of his hate is because of your vanity, your selfish and free heart, your tender smile, the dimple that forms on your left cheek and your dreamy eyes that look at your grandfather as if he were the first man that you have ever loved — because you did.

Tom hates you because under a starry night, in the midst of a crowd of people and soothing music, you make your way through the mortals wearing a velvety wine red strapless dress that is lust itself on your body, black boots (velvet too) that cover you up to the knees and are as hot as hell, and your chocker - a gift from your father - from which a cross hangs, that is a tempting invitation for a sinner like him.

You are his angel with a devilish smile: but tonight, Tom Holland hates that, despite possessing all those qualities, and many more, he can only see the tenderness in your eyes when you look at your grandfather, or when you talk about him, and your smile that becomes as adorable as the face you were born with.

“You are like… staring much. Don't you think?" Harrison chuckles beside him, making Tom look away from you and your way of receiving the guests scattered around the place.

"Shit, Tom, if you turned a little faster you would look like the exorcist." Harry continues with the bland jokes, the same ones that make Sam, Harry and Tuwaine smile.

"Shut up." Tom hisses, taking a sip of his beer as he looks back at his group of friends.

But this story is not about you, but about Tom Holland, your lifelong neighbor, who you never had a conversation with other than to annoy each other, who you used to call idiot when nobody but him heard you, who used to laugh at you while filming Avengers: infinity war, endgame and finally, Spider-man: Far From Home, who used to hold your hand when you were kids because your parents were best friends, the same Tom who now drinks and look at you while you warmly greet each guest who has come to celebrate the birthday of the second man you know loved you.

“How is possible that you and he are the only two famous people at this party? What a waste of fame. Sigh." Danielle, your best friend whispers dramatically, just as you both stop at the bar to pick up more drinks.

"I'd feel sorry for you if you actually sighed." You give her a know-it-all smile, one that invites you to earn a playful slap on the butt from her.

"Please baby, I need to get something out of our friendship, otherwise this isn't working." She makes a gesture between her and you, the same sign that a boyfriend would make before breaking up.

"Tom Holland is here, why don't you go meet him?" You joke as you take the tray and walk with her by your side talking about Tom, although he was not news to you two.

"No thanks. But you can't deny that he looks sooo good. Only HE can look adorable and sexy at the same time. With those good boy eyes and wild muscles under his plain white T-shirt. Like Wow." She makes an expression of surprise, and the sound of an explosion as if her head cannot bear so much information that causes you so much laughter. "Seriously, please take that hottie. I'm sure your grandmother sent it to you as a gift."

You giggle, but your heart races at the thought of his breaking, because even though he and Hanna Johnson were never official, maybe he thought they were so. And after breaking up with her, he was back in London.

You suspected that was the reason behind his break.

"I would, but I don't love you as much as you think." You joke, just the moment you get to the table where your dear grandfather and your grandmother's friends, are, talking about you.

With just your young age, the world was a bright place for you, but here you are now, feeling how your best hits in movies escape from your hands like sand thanks to the endless words that spring from between the wrinkled lips of your grandmother's best friends, in the garden of your own house, adorned with crowded wooden tables and Christmas lights shining on you.

"Life goes by so fast, honey, you won't have that hot body for life." Says Mrs. Lee, who, at 89, still plays to be a 20-year-old from time to time. "You are... 24? 25? And you haven't had a single boyfriend yet."

"What do achievements matter if you don't have the most important thing, cutie?" Mrs. Russell asks, clicking her tongue in approval at her own words. “There are so many beautiful boys out there. My granddaughters want to be like you, but what will I tell them if you've never had a taste of real life? You are very innocent and that can work against you. You can have a little more fun while still being a lady, you know?"

Although in your cheeks bloom a crimson glow, you are aware that her words are offensive.

"You could tell the twins that you can be successful without fucking every chocolate-covered hottie that makes you an unseemly proposition." You murmur between tight lips, knowing well that the women in front of you need more than a whisper to hear certain truths. “I mean, you could tell Amy and Anne to work hard if they want to be actresses. The world is sexist, but, hey, here I am - besides, who says I don't have a boyfriend?"

You raise an eyebrow at your own question, winning several curious glances that seem to pierce you, even your grandfather, who stares at you more astonished than anyone.

"Really?" Mrs. Russell smiles, and her red lips gleam in the night. "And who is he?"

"Uh... well... I..." You giggle in a trance thanks to the bitter taste of the liquor that has your mind under a spell, leaving you completely blank and without a coherent response. "He is…"

"Hello, love." Tom presses his body against yours, suddenly, out of nowhere, wrapping his arm around your waist, so firm that you feel the pressure of his rolex in his left hand. "Hello, ladies. I heard you talking about me and I couldn't help but come and save my girl from this sea of ​​questions about who her boyfriend is. You thought I wasn't real, huh? I know my angel here is a little shy about our relationship, but there is no problem, love, you know you can show off what a good boyfriend I am with whoever you want…"

Tom smiles and enchants the older women who smile back at him, as if they are in love with his youth and his face that has it all: his cloud-fluffy brown hair that is combed to the side and back, the sparkle in his gaze and the way he smiles, making the corners of his eyes crinkle, right down to that funny eyebrow that everyone finds adorable.

From his lovely face and well-defined jaw to his personality and strong English accent: Tom looked like an angel from heaven, perhaps the devil himself because how dangerous his charm could be.

"Oh honey, I didn't know you and Tom were dating." Mrs. Lee says, with an expression between happy and sad. "My granddaughters thought they might have a chance with you, darling."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Lee." Tom answers, with a hint of happiness and pride in his voice. "I'm already taken and I like it that way."

"Yes!" You say with surprise when Tom gives you a squeeze with the hand that is holding you, shooting you a loving look to encourage you to speak. "I mean... He is."

You smile at the audience, especially at your grandfather and Danielle, who seem to have their suspicions.

"Tom..." Says Roy, your grandfather, who averts his narrowed eyes from your gaze to his, just to become the happiest person in the world as he clasps his hands in a sign of prayer. “I didn't know that you and my darling (Y/N) were together. I'm so happy! I'm sure my beloved Jules is happy too. Couldn't have asked for a better grandson."

"Thank you very much, Roy." Tom says, and it's so natural that he seems sincere. "I wanted to tell you, but we wanted to wait for our relationship to grow stronger."

"Yeah, you know that there are many actresses, blondes and blue eyes actresses who want to eat this hottie." You say and Tom laughs, nervous.

"Well, if you'll excuse us, I'd like to speak to my girlfriend in private for a moment."

Guiding you all the way, you and Tom turn around in the direction of the glass doors of your house that connect to the kitchen, breathing in the warm air from the warm walls the moment you two walk in.

"Good acting, Tom." You smile as you take a grape from the kitchen counter. "Not enough to win an EMMY but-"

"Ha. You are funny. But now I want to talk to you about something…” Tom smiles, too, giving you a devilish look, as if he never rests from it. "You owe me a favor, love."

"Of course not!" You defend yourself, nervous of the sudden change in the conversation. “You came alone like a prince on a horse. I did not call you. I do not owe you anything."

"Are you sure about that?" Tom laughs, as if he really enjoyed the moment. “Because I can go there and tell them the truth. I told you it's pathetic that you've never had a boyfriend. Besides, I wouldn't want to break Roy's heart, he looked so happy to know that his dearest granddaughter is with a good man."

You cross your arms, uneasy with the fact that you've never really fallen in love with someone, while seriously thinking about how happy, and probably relieved, your granddfather is to see that his granddaughter is with someone like Tom, who, despite of everything, yes, was a good boy.

"Okay. What do you want?"

"I want you to pretend to be my girlfriend in front of my parents."

You laugh inadvertently, although deep down you want to know if what was being said about Hannah and him was true.

"Why?"

"Everyone thinks Hannah dumped me and I don't want to see myself as a loser in front of my family and have them keep asking questions about her, it's exhausting."

"Eh, too late for that." You sigh, and Tom looks at you hopefully. "You were a loser long time ago, Tom, sorry."

"I hate you." Tom laughs.

"The feeling is mutual." You look away, and in a second you decide to contemplate why agreeing to be his fake girlfriend would be a bad decision, and why you would do it anyway. “Okay, but you know you can't call me darling. And stop looking at my chest, perv."

Tom laughs, looking up your chest into your eyes.

"It's not my fault you have worn that dress, but it seems that despite everything you didn't have a boy's body all this time. Congrats."

"Idiot."

Tom and his dreamy eyes smile as he opens the glass door for you, stepping aside so you can go out onto the field and do the performance of your life, which you discover would be more difficult than you thought as both of you approach the table on the left side of the place, where your family - made up of your mom, your dad and your older brother - are with his. So, in silence, and to let them be the ones to carry out the conversation of your supposed relationship, Tom remains standing next to you, leaving a space between Harry and him for you.

"Oh, yeah. Last night I got the iPad with the script of the Devil all the time." You say, to continue the conversation that your brother Ethan started, smiling at you. "My character falls in love with the poor and broken Arvin Russell."

Tom chuckles.

“And (Y/N) is a cold and rich bi—… girl who treats me like shit until I save her from her dad, the reverend and the crazy couple of rapists. I think you will play that role very well, love." And again and against your will, Tom brings you closer to him placing his arm around your waist, so close that his proximity makes you red.

So much so that you must place a hand on your exposed chest so that his gaze does not fall on that specific place.

“Bet your pretty ass I will. And then we will flee together into the sunset with a happy ending after killing 4 people."

His family and yours are too stunned to say a word, but just at the moment when you think they will shout hallelujah to the sky or to mention you are Frenemies, Dom makes a fist and a victory gesture with a loud yes!

“I told you they would be together before they were 25! pay me!" He yells happily at your dad, who, next to him, grunts as he searches for his wallet in his pants.

“Couldn't you wait until you turned 25, honey? It was only a few months away."

"What the hell?" Tom says, watching your father leave a $100 bill in Dom's hand.

"It's a silly thing they did when they were drunk." Nikki says, as she joins her hands in prayer just like your grandfather, just as happy as he. "It was about time you decided to be together."

"I didn't know that Tom could love someone other than Tessa." Your brother jokes.

"I didn't know anyone could love Tom more than Tessa." Harry jokes, but in his eyes you can see that part of him means it.

"Is this serious?" Your mom says, raising an eyebrow.

"It is." Tom says, and his voice is as solemn as his expression. "Mom, Dad, everyone, I want to marry this woman... someday."

Along with the expressions of happiness and surprise, theirs and yours, your brother breaks the silent while looking like a hawk at Tom.

"Her favorite color?"

"Blue." He answers, without missing a second.

"Favorite book?"

"Jane Austin's Pride & Prejudice."

"Coffee, hot or cold?"

"It depends on the season."

"Seafood?"

"Banned forever."

"Very well, you have my blessing to marry my sister." Your brother nods, like a wise old man, while you, foolishly, think of two things, how quickly he responded, and how well he knew you.

"Just that?" You question, partly offended. "Why better not give him 2 cows for my honor?"

"That's a good idea." Tom responds. "We already have a chicken so..."

You snort just like the idea of Tom buying a chicken just because there were no eggs in the store is spinning in your head, but at that very moment, your words die on your lips as Rose, your aunt and your grandfather's eldest daughter, has taken the command of the party to indicate that the most important thing of the night has arrived: the dance that your grandfather and grandmother used to have, when she was still alive.

Like a fairy tale, every couple in love gathers in the center of the garden while the song “Put your head on my shoulder” by Paul Anka begins to float in the London air that is suddenly flooded with love, to such an extent point that threatens to drown you in it.

"Would you like...?" Tom is nervous, and lets the question hang in the air.

Your breathing becomes agitated, it becomes irregular as your parents and his join the other couples, wild as your heart that beats with the fierceness of a caged animal seeking freedom.

You want to say no, but the crystallized look and happiness that you achieve in your grandfather's eyes are the impulse you need to avoid breaking his heart with the truth.

"Okay."

Tom takes your hand gently and guides you to the makeshift dance floor, placing his hands on your waist to imitate the elders.

Inside and out, (Y/N) (Y/L/N) was still as beautiful as the first one he saw you when you were children; but of course, now as adults, everything was different: you were stronger, more mature, more self-confident, wilder and indomitable. But Tom didn't judge your insecurity, he never did, because you had trouble trusting in a future love that could be so real that it seemed a fairy tale - like the ones your father had read to you before bed - as deep as Roy's pain at losing his beloved Jules.

And it is then that Tom realized everything.

That's why you didn't want to be called darling, just because your grandfather used to call his great love that way. Why you never had a boyfriend. Of why you had never wasted your love giving it to someone you knew you would never have a future with, just the way he did with Hannah. Of why you have never been able to give your sincere love to someone else.

Because we're so hopeful at the beginning of things, it seems that there is only one world to gain, nothing to lose, and suddenly, we lose someone whom God knew we deeply love, leaving us with nothing but a void where there must be a beating heart.

And that's when the applause dies down, the silence overwhelms you two, time runs out and life forces you to look into each other's eyes to wonder, without words, why you did the things you did and the things you didn't.

"I'm in love with you."

"Don't."

You say the words at the same time, although they are not the words you expect to hear from the other.

And then you smile sadly, slightly because you no longer have the strength, because your body seems numb from the little alcohol you have drunk and because it seems that the world is leaning to one side with his love confession, but you also smile because Tom still has that adorable face, and a funny eyebrow that you were dying to fix. Just for fun. Just to touch him.

"You're not in love with me, you're just sad about Hannah." You whisper, desperately waiting for the song you have loved for so long to come to an end so you can flee from his arms.

"No, you don't understand, now I can see that it's you, it's always been you." Tom hates himself because he can't put his feelings and his memories into words, but his hands secure you in your place so that you don't leave, not before he can tell you a little of what he was hiding in his mind. “Since we were children I held your hand: in kindergarten, on the way home, to the park around the corner. I don't know why it is now that I can see you, always there in every step of my life, being my best friend even when we said words to annoy each other. I don't know much about love, but I know that it should make you feel good, give you peace, and that's what I feel with you. I feel at home with you, no matter where we are. And we have been in several countries away from home, but you feel like my home. And I am in love with you, and I only ask that you give me the opportunity to love the way you deserve to be loved."

You have a world of words, sharp as a knife, that could kill his confession, but against all, and because this is the first time you feel in love, you lift your hand from his shoulder, a little shaky, to brush your thumb against his brow, soft, delicate and loving, as a lover should be when loving someone for the first time.

"I still hate you."

Tom smiles and you both share a look of hope, staying in the foreground, just to be a participant in the main scene of this beautiful love story that would only be the beginning of a long night in the bright sky of your lives, the one that is like a painting made of watercolors, colors that spill over each other just to create a perfect combination, just like you two together in the eyes of any art lover.

"Not me, no. I love you."

And after that, Tom leans down a bit, feeling the softness of your lips in a real kiss, the first of many to come.

@averyfosterthoughts​ @galaxies-of-the-heart​ @heartofholland​

[statelies]

(   *  💀  /  jessie mei li, questioning, she/they )  —  is that emmeline vance i just saw rushing down the corridor? i hear they’re a twenty year old hufflepuff, returning for their sixth school year, but their friends would tell you that they are industrious & compassionate as well as blunt & graceless. if you want to know more about them, i guess i could tell you that they’re muggleborn, and from what i hear, they’re currently allying with the order. when our divination professor looks into their crystal ball, they see: falling asleep studying over open books, split open pomegranates, working under flickering candlelight, casual intimacy between friends, a kitchen full of laughter.

CHARACTER INSPIRATION: Izzie Stevens (Grey’s Anatomy), Callie Torres (Grey’s Anatomy) (+ Sara Ramirez, the they/she icon we all deserve), Kara Danvers (Supergirl), Charles Boyle (Brooklyn 99), Alina Starkov (Shadow and Bone), Janet (Not a Girl) (The Good Place), Penelope Garcia (Criminal Minds).

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Implied Racism.

LINKS: Pinterest. Playlist (Coming Soon).

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒

I N T R O

full name ➵ Emmeline Huan Vance

nicknames ➵ Emmy; Emma; Line; Em; Melly; Melsy; Vance; Hurricane

pronouns ➵ she/they/her/them

birthdate / age ➵ October 24th, 1959, 09:47 am / 20 years old

birthplace ➵ Brighton, East Sussex

childhood home ➵ Unknown home in Brighton, East Sussex — 162 Orchard Croft, Harlow, Essex

current residence ➵ Hogwarts, Scotland

religion ➵ agnostic; paternal grandparents were Methodist ( Protestant ) while maternal grandparents were also Christian

occupation ➵ full - time student at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry

P H Y S I C A L

height ➵ 5 feet, 2 inches / 157.5 cm

weight ➵ 48 kg / 106lb

body type ➵ hourglass shaped figure

hair ➵ dark brown, bordering on black; soft and wavy

eye color ➵ dark brown

dominant hand ➵ right

FC ➵ Jessie Mei Li

voice ➵ Jessie Mei Li

special characteristics ➵

small waist

has a birthmark on her right ankle that looks like an apple

pierced septum

smells of ➵

lavender hand lotion

pomegranate

cardamom, jasmine and orange blossom perfume

E M O T I O N A L

zodiac ➵ scorpio sun (x); sagittarius rising; cancer moon

MBTI ➵ ISFJ (“The Defender”)

positive traits ➵ industrious; compassionate; generous; warmhearted; benevolent; selfless; observant; honest; personable; kind.

negative traits ➵ blunt; graceless; meticulous; well-meaning; impatient; internalizes feelings; oversensitive; tactless; overbearing; clumsy.

likes ➵ Pumpkin pasties; duelling club; laughter; the rush of incoming patients; cooking for friends; Ballycastle Bats; Diagon Alley; being barefoot at the beach; roadtrips; apple juice; hugs from friends; nicknames; vanilla candles; the heat of a boiling cauldron; Sugar Quills; warm sweaters; pizza; pomegranate seeds; cheek kisses; taking photographs; finishing essays early; coffee with milk and two sugars; Queen; Aston Villa; cats

dislikes ➵ spam (the food); apparition; the Daily Prophet; starless nights; Kenmare Kestrels; karaoke; losing bets; skinned knees; snakes; pigeons; the colour fuschia (it’s too bright); ticking clocks; banana flavouring; funerals; Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans; Celestina Warbeck; mayonnaise; blue M&Ms; her lao ye; the word mudblood; leprechauns; fans of Kenmare Kestrels; losing football matches; witch Halloween costumes; rugby

amortentia ➵

birthday cake

fresh mint

old books

orange blossom

M A G I C

blood status ➵ muggleborn

wand ➵ Aspen, dragon heartstring core, 8 inches, hard

wand-quality aspen wood is white and fine-grained, and highly prized by all wand-makers for its stylish resemblance to ivory and its usually outstanding charmwork. The proper owner of the aspen wand is often an accomplished duellist, or destined to be so, for the aspen wand is one of those particularly suited to martial magic. An infamous and secretive eighteenth-century duelling club, which called itself The Silver Spears, was reputed to admit only those who owned aspen wands. In my experience, aspen wand owners are generally strong-minded and determined, more likely than most to be attracted by quests and new orders; this is a wand for revolutionaries.

patronus ➵ Hippo

E D U C A T I O N

Hogwarts class ➵ Hufflepuff, 1981

extracurriculars ➵

Hufflepuff Prefect / September 1979 - June 1981

Herbology Club & Greenhouse Keepers / September 1977 - June 1981

Toothill Duelling Club / September 1979 - June 1981

Wenlock Study Club / September 1979 - June 1981

courses & exams ➵

Ancient Runes - O

Astronomy - E

Charms - O

Defense Against the Dark Arts - O

Herbology - O

History of Magic - O

Muggle Studies - O

Potions - O

Transfiguration - O

Care of Magical Creatures - E

M I S C E L L A N E O U S

health ➵

walnut allergy

hayfever

pets ➵

Jíngyi; the long-eared owl

Shu; the white cat

handwriting ➵ Abuget

F A M I L Y

Deirdre (née Wilkinson) Vance ➵ paternal grandmother; retired nurse; deceased May. 1980

Edward Vance ➵ grandfather; retired soldier and miner; deceased Jan. 1980

Xiulan Wong ( Wong Xiulan ) ➵ maternal grandmother (lao lao); homeschooled; housewife; alive

Da Wong ( Wong Da ) ➵ maternal grandfather (lao ye); homeschooled; shop-owner; alive

Dr. Cillian Vance ➵ father; worked for/with the Red Cross UK (and the Hong Kong Red Cross); alive

Mei (née Wong) Vance ➵ mother; teaching assistant; alive

𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌

emmeline had always known they were different. at first, it was because of her skin, the way she looked and spoke and could never find anyone to play with on the playground, her chinese middle name and her lao lao being the one to pick her up from school every morning. she would cry to her mother at night, cling to her arms like they were the port keeping her safe from the storm, and listen to her father sing, voice warm and tender as she drifted to sleep, but she never got the answers for why she was treated differently — never got answers for why she was the only non-white child in her school, never got answers for why they hated her so much, hated her existence. but she weathered through primary school, finding her footing in secondary school with her only friend, aisha, who never cared that she was different, that sometimes she could do things that nobody else seemed able to do, that she’d been encouraged to always tell the truth, nothing but the truth, that sometimes she’d say things that hurt, things that stung even though she never meant for them to.

for a while, the feeling of being wholly different faded, or at least, emmeline didn’t notice it quite so prominently anymore, and then suddenly it appeared again — but this time it had been because she didn’t know if she always felt like a girl. not a girl in the traditional sense, anyway, not some days. she liked dresses and fancy heeled shoes and tiaras, but found herself equally at home in plaid shirts and her father’s way-too-big suit jacket and kicking around a football, and for a half-asian barely a teenage… person (she’s still working on it), suspended constantly between two identities, it confused them (even though they’re perfectly aware now that those things are superficial, but the feeling still remains). the only person they ever talked to about it back then was aisha — their lifeline, their best friend, the one their parents reluctantly approved of because they had been so lonely for so long. while aisha was crushing on boys, sweaty and loud and just this side of too teasing, and starting to wear makeup and changing herself, emmeline was trying to find where she fit in, trying to understand who she was, who she is, why they feel so different.

in the midst of all that, emmeline’s letter to hogwarts came. just another difference for emmeline to feel, the knowledge that they have magic was unexpected and tore her family in two. the family she loved - her mother, her father, her lao lao and lao ye, and granny and pops - all had differing opinions on whether or not to accept it, whether or not to send them to school and deal with the fact, up front, that emmeline was, and always would be, special. in the end, emmeline’s pops snuck her out, following instructions from a professor mcgonagall, to find diagon alley, the place where emmeline suddenly felt she fit in. she could feel the magic in the air, could feel it almost crackling in the space around her, almost inviting her in. of course, it took some time — a little too much time, really — to buy everything she needed, and when she cried into her ice cream on the way home, overwhelmed and tired and feeling so many things, he was the one who held her all the way home. 

he and their granny were the only ones there to send them off the hogwarts that first year, their parents reluctant to accept anything so unnatural about their child, but emmeline hardly cared at the time (even though it hit them later that night and they sobbed into their pillow), too excited to remember to even wave, too excited to remember to cry because she was leaving behind the only friend she’d ever truly known, and when they saw hogwarts, that castle appearing, they just knew. they were home. she knows, after years and years of being torn between two identities on so many different fronts, that people aren’y happy she’s here, happy she has magic, happy she calls this place her home away from home, that she laughs loud at the hufflepuff table and wears yellow and black face paint for quidditch matches and tried out for the muggle football team, but there’s nothing they can say to change who she is, her pride in the blood flowing through her veins, in the magic at her fingertips. emmeline’s always known they’re different, but having magic, being home at hogwarts, is the first time she’s ever felt proud to be so.

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

https://wiypt-writes.tumblr.com/post/644486634874847232/stark-spangled-banner

Ch58: You Have To Go Through The Worst, To Get To The Best.

Intro: In the aftermath of the battle, Katie grieves for Tony as the world comes to terms with the fact that people they lost five years ago have reappeared.

Warnings: “Language!” 

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: This is it! We head into the last part and as such, a brand new banner again from @angrybirdcr​. Only a few chapters left.

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Chapter 57

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

  Sorry for your loss.

Four words that Katie was already sick of hearing. Sorry. What did people have to be sorry for? It wasn’t like it was their fault. Still, she acknowledged the sympathy that came her way, completely automatically, almost emotionlessly. She barely registered the fact she had spoken to Fury and Hill, two people who had been dead five years ago, she didn’t have the energy to wish she could knock Ross’ head off his shoulders and had no idea how long she had walked what was left of the compound, maybe an hour or so? Who cared anyway? She simply did what people asked her to do to help out, whilst Steve hurried around organising everyone and barking orders. 

Nevertheless, when the crowds of Emergency Services, Armed Forces and Support Staff that had flooded the Compound left, she suddenly felt alone and found herself in their compound apartment, which had miraculously survived bar from a smashed window in the living area. She glanced around before she headed to the bedroom and slumped heavily on the large bed, staring at the wall.

Just staring.

It was quiet, but her mind was anything but. Her brain was screaming all sorts of stuff at her, a jumble of words and sounds and visions, but she couldn’t really understand any of it.

She simply felt broken.

“Katie?”

A voice broke through her reverie and she looked up to see Steve in the doorway.

“Hey.” She gave him a soft smile. “Pepper just spoke to Happy, the kids are fine. All three are fast asleep. He’s going to wake them in a few hours and bring them back.” “No.” Katie shook her head. “I want him to bring them now.” “Honey its almost two am.” He said, and Katie frowned. Okay, so she’d been walking around a little longer than she thought, then. “Let them sleep. We can go, get cleaned up and…” “Plan how we tell them their Uncle is dead.” She swallowed, gazing back down at her hands.

Steve took a shaky breath. He felt beyond guilty. Guilty that he got to go home to his kids because of the fact that Tony didn’t. Steeling himself, he made his way to the bed, sat down next to his wife and wrapped his arm around her as she lay her head on his shoulder.

“What’s everyone doing?” She asked softly.

“Rhodey is in with Ross and President Ellis…” “Ellis is here?” She looked at him, frowning.

Steve nodded. “Rhodey’s giving him a brief on what’s happened. They’re gonna need to put an announcement out so…”

“Suppose it was probably a shock everyone re-appearing again.” She reasoned, quietly.  “What about everyone else?”

“Well Lang, Parker and Bruce already left.” Steve explained as his hand gently rubbed up and down her arm. “And there’s a chopper on the way to take Pepper home and a couple more following to take the rest of us to the Tower. The roads are completely jammed, apparently there’s impromptu parties taking place all over. Might be a while before we can get back through to Brooklyn.” The thought of partying seemed alien to Katie, but as she thought about it, it wasn’t surprising. People would be greeting lost loved ones, celebrating the fact the world has returned to normal.

For them anyway.

“Clint will want to go home.” Katie nodded. “He’ll be desperate to see Laura and the kids.” “We’ve got a jet on the way for him so he can go as soon as possible.” Steve soothed, dropping a kiss to her head.

If ever Katie was grateful for having a husband with Military organisational skills it was now. He’d literally thought of everything. She closed her eyes and nuzzled into him even more, seeking out comfort like a child, before Steve reached around and pulled her onto his lap, holding her close to him, as they sat in silence.

****

“I guess this is strange for you too, huh?” Steve said as they made their way into the Tower. “Yeah you could say that.” Sam shrugged, “One minute everyone was in Wakanda and then the next minute it was just us, and the jungle had changed.” He paused, scratching his head. “Then that Strange dude turns up and tells us it’s been five years and we needed to go fight one last time.”

“Has it really been that long?” Bucky asked and Steve nodded. “So now you’re older than me?” He grinned. Steve chuckled as Katie gave a small smile. “Shut up.”

They made their way into the elevator and FRIDAY greeted them, somewhat forlornly, as Katie asked for their floor. The elevator fell silent as it scooted upwards, pinging open. Katie stepped out first, followed by Wanda then the men.

“So, where do you want-“Bucky began but he stopped dead causing Sam to bump into him.

“What the hell, Frosty?” he spluttered, frowning as he followed Bucky’s eye line, his own eyes growing wide as he saw what Bucky was staring at. Wanda was also gazing, her mouth open, and Steve immediately knew what they were looking at- the large framed photo on the wall in the living room.

Even though their home was in Brooklyn this was still very much their apartment. Katie sometimes stayed if she had a big meeting, or on occasions they would crash here when they grabbed a rare night out in Manhattan.  And it was for that reason that the photos in the apartment had been updated over the past five years as their lives had moved on. The wall their friends were gazing at contained two prints. The first was one taken by Katie at the hospital when Jamie was hours old, the same photo also adorned the wall in the lounge at home and it showed Steve asleep in the chair by her hospital bed, hair unkempt, shirt crumbled, stubble on his chin as his baby son was clutched to his chest as they both slept. He remembered the moment like it was yesterday, one snapshot moment out of God knows how many, all of which the three people stood in front of him had missed.  

The second was from last year, and showed Emmy with Alex as they sat on the sofa at home, both grinning at the camera.

“You…”  Sam gasped as Wanda and Bucky turned to them, mouth hanging open.

Steve nodded, “Yeh, err, did no one tell you?” He asked, rubbing his neck.

“No.” Bucky breathed.

“But then it never really cropped up in conversation, you know, on account of us being in the middle of a battle and all.” Sam said, a little sarcastically and Wanda thumped his arm before she turned to Katie.

“How old?��� She asked softly.

“Emily is sixteen next week.” Katie said, looking at the photos smiling softly. “We adopted her after the snap, it’s a long story.”

She then looked at Steve who smiled, knowing she was allowing him the task of revealing their boy’s name to two of the men he was named after.

“And Jamie’s three.”  He turned to look at Bucky and Sam.

“Jamie?” Bucky asked thickly.

“Or to give him his full name James Anthony Samuel.”

Bucky and Sam exchanged a look, the pair of them floundering for words.

“Cap,” Sam swallowed, his eyes misting over. “Wow, I’m so happy for you guys.” “I can’t wait to meet them.” Wanda beamed.

“You might regret saying that.” Steve chuckled. “Emmy’s a sass bag and Jamie can be a handful. He’s only three but he’s stubborn, opinionated- don’t even say it.” He pointed at Bucky who had opened his mouth to comment, a grin spreading across his handsome face.

“They’re awesome.”  Katie spoke softly as her eyes moved round the apartment and fell on a photo of her and Tony taken at her wedding. Suddenly she couldn’t be there anymore. Excusing herself she headed into their bedroom where she flopped onto the bed, now feeling utterly overwhelmed, still struggling to make head or tail of her emotions. She should have been celebrating like everyone else in the streets was doing. Their friends and trillions of other people were saved, but she couldn’t because again, just like the other week when they had grieved for Natasha, there was one person who wasn’t coming back.

Her brother.

Taking a deep breath, she shed her boots before she stood up and peeled off her cat suit before she made her way straight into the en-suite.

She turned the shower on as hot as she could stand, an attempt to sooth the pain she now felt in every inch of her body. But whilst some of it was bruising from the multiple blows she had taken, some of it was coming from inside. The pain of losing her brother was physical, and hard. Closing her eyes she lay her head against the tiles, allowing the water to beat down on her, lost in her memories. “I got full marks on my English essay Tone!”  Her 10 year old self grinned up at him as he leaned against the car, looking as effortlessly cool as ever.

“Get you, you little brainbox!” He ruffled her hair. “That’s awesome, so awesome in fact I think we need to stop for pizza and a shit load of ice cream on the way home. Sound good?” “You’re the best!” She beamed as he took her pink back-pack off her and dropped it into the trunk as she climbed into the passenger seat of his BWM.

 “Oh no, you are not going out wearing that!” Tony stod up as she walked into the living room of the house. Sixteen year old Katie rolled her eyes.

“Tone its boiling hot outside, what you want me to wear? A pair of jeans and a fucking coat?” “Anything but that!” He scoffed, looking at the rather short denim skirt. “Young Lady, I can see what you had for breakfast!”

“Oh bite me, Tony.” She shot back, hearing the guffaw that Rhodey gave out from the sofa before she shot out of the front door to greet her boyfriend who had just pulled up the drive.

She was eighteen…, cruising along the cliff in Malibu, laughing, her hands on the steering wheel of her convertible bug, Tony in the passenger seat sipping an iced tea as the pair of them sang as loudly as they could to Drops of Jupiter- their song.

“Mr Rock and Roll over there, listen to you!” She laughed as the song finished and it changed to AC/DC ‘Thunder’.

“If you ever tell anyone about my love of Train I will kill you.” Tony looked at her over his sunglasses and she snorted, grinning.

“I’m so telling Pepper.”

“Err you know I can still pull my funding.” He glared “You can kiss goodbye to going to Oxford…”

And speaking of Oxford, at twenty-one, she was there, accepting her first class honours in English Literature and Mythology. As she smiled for the camera, she could see Tony stood up in the middle of the hall, whistling before he punched the air. “That’s my girl!” He yelled “Katie Maria Stark. That’s my girl! No I won’t sit down…what did you just say?” And he began arguing with the person behind him.

At twenty-six she was crying, tears of happiness as the ramp on the aircraft carrier opened to reveal her brother. His hair was longer, he looked thinner but he was alive. He was barely at the bottom before she flung herself at him, not caring that his arm was a sling.

“Hey Kiddo.” He said softly as she buried her face into his neck.

“You fucking asshole!” She sobbed, “Next time, you ride with Rhodey, you got that?”

“Trust me, there will be no next time.” He chuckled as she pulled back. “Afghanistan is a shit hole.”

A year later she was crying again, sobbing even, as Tony sat with his arms around her, gently shushing her as she sat up in her bed. “How could he do that to me Tony?” She sniffed, her tears dampening her brother’s t-shirt as he rubbed her back, laying his head against hers. “I thought he loved me…but…” “He isn’t worth your tears, Kiddo.” He sighed “Grant Ward doesn’t deserve them, or you. No one ever will, you got that? No one will ever be good enough for you.”

 And then she was walking up the aisle towards her future husband, her arm linked tightly around Tony’s. He pressed a kiss to her head.

“Remember, just because I’m giving you away doesn’t mean I won’t kick his ass if he ever hurts you.” Tony mumbled and she snorted, turning to look at him. “I love you to the stars and back, Katie, remember that…”

Like she could ever forget. Tony hadn’t been to everyone’s taste, hell, at times he hadn’t be hers, and they’d been estranged for two years. But Katie had never, not once, stopped loving the man who had brought her up as his own. Her brother and father all rolled into one.

She finished washing her hair and stepped out of the shower, the tears still not arriving. She began to wonder if there was something wrong with her. She’d cried more when Natasha died. She pulled on a towel robe that was hanging behind the door and began to dry her hair, squeezing the water out of the long strands.

“I remember when you used to do that for me.” She grinned, watching Tony as he sat with Morgan between his legs on the lounger round the pool at her Brooklyn home, rubbing the little girl’s wet hair ferociously with a pink beach towel, making the three year old cackle with laughter. I remember…but Morgan won’t.

And then the cry ripped from her chest, like someone had reached down her throat and pulled it from the very depths of her heart.

***** Steve made sure the guys were settled in a spare apartment a few floors down, the three of them opting to share, none of them particularly wanting to be alone.  Making his way back into theirs, he headed straight to the bedroom and heard Katie turn off the water to the shower. With a groan he stripped off the top half of his uniform, dropping the grubby item to the bed. His eyes were drawn to the silver star in the middle, and he ran his fingers over it, the material torn in places having seen better days, much like him.

With a deep breath he reached to pull off his compression shirt, but before he got chance, he heard a noise from the bathroom, a primal, raw, broken scream that chilled his every bone. Quick as flash he crossed the room and pushed open the door to the en-suite and found his wife slumped on her knees on the floor, screaming and crying uncontrollably.

“He’s gone! He’s gone, he’s gone!” Steve had known this was coming and it broke his heart that he could do nothing to help, nothing to take away the utter desperation and pain and anger his wife was feeling. Without hesitation he dropped to his knees and she turned to him, fisting her hands around his top as he pulled her close, one arm round her back, the other in her hair.

“Let it out,” his voice was croaky as he rocked her, gently stroking her hair as his cheek pressed against the top of her head, “I got you, sweetheart, I got you.” How long they stayed there for, with Katie screaming and crying over the soft sounds of his soothing, Steve had no idea, but eventually her sobs became sniffles as she regained some form of composure.

“Steve,” she managed to stutter as she pulled back to look at him, “Tony’s gone, he’s gone, why? Why did he have to do that? There had to be some other way!” “Oh, Doll.”  Steve’s voice cracked, his own heart ached with grief and sympathy and love as he dropped a kiss to her forehead, pulling her onto his lap as he sat back on the floor, making no attempts to move her. He buried his face into her hair, his own sobs catching in his throat.

“All my life Tony has been there.” She whispered gently as kissed her head. “Even when we were apart those years I knew that if I needed him, he would be there…but now…he’s gone and I don’t know what to do.”

“You do what you always do.” Steve whispered softly as he pulled back, cupping her face in his hands, wiping her tears with his thumbs. “You get up, you dust yourself off and you act like the amazing, strong, beautiful woman you are. My wife, my baby momma.”

“I don’t know if I can. Katie spluttered.

“Yes, you can. You’re the strongest person I know.” He implored her, sniffing a little.

“I don’t feel strong.”

“You won’t.” He shook his head. “Not yet. But I’m here. Okay? And we’ll do it together.”

Katie looked at him for a moment before she moved once more to bury her face into his t-shirt again, simply breathed him in. His warmth and familiar smell, even if he wasn’t as fresh as he could be after the exertion of battle, was a comfort, a balm to her broken soul.

Tony was gone, she knew that, but she wasn’t on her own. She’d never be on her own as long as she had Steve.

****

“Don’t be sad Momma.” Jamie whispered, as Katie’s tears tickled down her cheeks, her son on her lap. TO her right, Emmy sat on her father’s, despite her age meaning she was normally way past that stage, as she cried into his chest, his arms gently cradling her. “Uncle Nee isn’t on his own.” “What do you mean, baby?” Katie asked, sniffing as he played with a strand of her hair.

He looked at her with his baby blue eyes and shrugged, as if the answer was obvious. “Because he’s with Auntie Nat-Nat.”

“Yeah,” Katie stuttered, a soft sob escaping her. “You’re right. But I’m still sad, but you don’t need to be worried about that okay?” Jamie nodded, before he blinked and frowned. “I can kiss it better, like you kiss my ouches better.”  

Katie smiled as he leaned up, connecting his lips to hers with a loud smacking noise.

“That’s it, you just made it all okay.” She smiled, wiping her eyes.

“When can we go home?” Emmy asked, sitting up slightly, her voice croaky.

“Soon, I promise.” Steve looked at her. “I think we’ll stay here for tonight, your mom and I both need a rest.”

Emmy nodded “I expect kicking alien butt for hours takes it out of you.” Steve snorted. “A little.” “You did it though. Everyone came back.” “Yeah, and on that note,” Katie picked up, “we have some people we’d like you to meet. That’s if you’re feeling up to it.” “Is it them? Bucky, Sam and Wanda?” Emmy asked, her wet brown eyes opening wide.

“Yeah.” Steve smiled. “And, if it’s ok with you, we thought we could all have breakfast together.”

“Pancakes?” Jamie asked hopefully and Katie nodded, dropping a kiss to his head.

“Pancakes” She affirmed.

“Now?”

“Do you ever think about anything but this?” Katie chuckled, prodding his tummy. He pondered for a second.

“Legos.” he said, nodding. “I think about my legos sometime.”

Emmy snorted and Steve let out a little laugh “Pancakes and legos eh, son?” he reached out and ruffled Jamie’s hair. “What more could a three year old want?”

****

Manhattan was in utter chaos and going out in public was the last thing Steve or Katie wanted for fear of being mobbed. However, the kitchens in the tower were well stocked and after sending Emmy to forage what she could, it was easy for Katie to whip up a batch of batter and throw some bacon into a pan.

She set Emmy to work chopping some fruit, and never one to miss out, she stood Jamie on a chair in front of her and gently guided his hand as he held the whisk to stir the batter.  Katie was literally grabbing the ladle to drop the first load into the pan, when the door to the apartment opened and Steve’s voice carried in to the kitchen.

“Hey guys?” Jamie squealed in excitement and Katie moved so he could get down. He shot out of the kitchen, barrelling into the lounge where he skidded to a halt by his dad and gazed up at the three strange adults in front of him.

The first thing that hit Bucky was just how like Steve the little boy was. Stocky, bright blue eyes and a shock of dark blonde hair.

“He looks like you.” He smiled, nodding to Steve as Katie stepped into the room with Emmy and smiled.

“Jamie, Emmy, this is Bucky, Sam and Wanda.” Steve introduced them all, as Emmy raised her hand shyly in greeting.

Meanwhile, Jamie simply gazed up at Bucky, his attention focussed directly on his metal arm and Bucky suddenly began to worry that it would scare him. He was attempting to move it out of view by standing side on, until Jamie stepped forward with all his usual boldness and pointed.

“Is that metal?” “Jamie.” Steve spoke, his tone soft. He couldn’t scald his son for being curious, but at the same time he had seen the apprehension in Bucky’s eyes. Apprehension that had now turned to amusement.

“Yeah it is.” Bucky chuckled, crouching down so he was eye level with his namesake. He held his left hand up, wiggling the fingers. “Wanna touch it?” Jamie reached out and placed his palm against Bucky’s prosthetic and grinned, “Cool,” before he looked up at Steve. “Can I have one?”

“Absolutely not.” Steve shook his head with a grin.

“You think that’s cool you should see my wings.” Sam crouched down next to Bucky, smiling at Jamie.

“You have wings?” The little boy’s eyes grew wide “I want…”

“No!”

“Fine I’ll just ask Santa.” Jamie shruggged and Sam let out a loud laugh.

“I like this kid!” he grinned, standing up.

“You can have him.” Steve winked, as Bucky stood up straight and grinned. “Saves us sending him to The Children’s Prison.” “Morgan told me there’s no such place.” Jamie looked at his Dad and Steve let out a sigh. The threat of the Child Prison was their biggest bargaining chip when he was being naughty. Especially as the naughty step wasn’t an option, because the first (and last) time they tried that they caught him climbing up the staircase and sliding down the bannister.

“I told you titch, it does.” Emmy gave a dramatic roll of her eyes. “I lived there before mom and dad adopted me. And all they give you to eat all day is slugs and slime…” Steve shared a look with Bucky and let out a loud laugh.

“Don’t.” Bucky shook his head with a grin.

“You gave Becca nightmares for days with that story!” Steve laughed as he recalled Bucky telling his sister about a hole in the ground where bad kids went. “She wouldn’t go near a manhole for months!”

“I can still feel the blow round the ears my Pa gave me.” Bucky automatically reached up to rub at the back of his head. The well natured chatter continued as they made their way into the kitchen. Steve went to brew the coffee as Sam, Wanda and Bucky took seats round the table with the kids. Occasionally he caught the odd snippet of their chat as Jamie told Bucky about his toys at home, informed Sam all about his friend at day-care, whilst Emmy was busy talking to Wanda about school and what she wanted to do in the future. But all the time Steve had one eye on his wife as she stood, silently, cooking enough pancakes to feed a small army.

Which, to be fair, was probably what they would need with two super soldiers and a hungry three year old to feed.

Moving over towards her, he slipped his arms around her waist and dropped a kiss to her cheek.

“You ok?” He asked, before he sighed “Sorry, stupid question.”

She chuckled and shook her head. “No it’s not stupid, I know what you meant. And honestly, no. I’m not. Not really. But I will be, in time. I hope.”

Steve dropped another kiss to her cheek and winced as a loud “GET A ROOM!” sounded across the kitchen and he turned to glare at his son. Bucky and Sam exchanged a gleeful look as Steve raised his hand and pointed at Emmy accusingly. “That was not me!” She scoffed, indignantly “It was Bucky that told him to say it.” “If this is the impression you have on my kids after all of fifteen minutes, James Buchanan Barnes, then I’m going to have to seriously consider letting you near them again.” Katie shook her head as she dropped the plate of pancakes into the middle of the table.

“Why did you just call him James?” Jamie asked, frowning

“Because my name is James too.” Bucky answered for Katie.

“No, it’s Bucky.”

“He only gets called James when he’s been bad, bit like you, pal.” Steve chuckled, placing Jamie’s plate of food in front of him. “Now eat that, and then you can show Buck your legos.”

“My legos are here?” Jamie said, grinning.

“Yeah they’re in your bag, we brought them from the compound.” Steve answered, dropping a kiss to his son’s head.

“What the hell is a Lego?” Bucky asked, his face contorted in confusion. The room feel silent as all eyes turned to the man who glanced around, suddenly feeling very self-conscious.  “What?” ****

Rhodey called later that morning to give them a heads up that the President would be addressing the nation later that afternoon, and to also inform Katie that they were talking about honouring both Tony and Natasha posthumously. Katie had merely snorted, not entirely sure what Tony would have said about any of that, until Rhodey made her laugh about the last time he had received an honour, getting stabbed with the pin by the Senator awarding it to him,  Senator Stern.

Who had turned out to be HYDRA.

True to his word, just as he had done five years ago, President Ellis’ address rang out across the nation at precisely three that afternoon, on every TV and Radio channel there was.

“I know there is much speculation surrounding the events of the last 24 hours, and it is for that reason I find myself addressing you all once more, with regards to the Decimation. Only this time I am happy to greet you all with much better news. Thanks to the brave actions of the Avengers and countless others who fought in a ferocious battle Upstate, the Vanished have been returned to us in the same state in which they left.

But it isn’t without cost.

Unfortunately, I have the very sad job of confirming to you all that the rumours are true. Tony Stark and Natasha Romanoff both lost their lives in the mission to bring everyone back. My sincere condolences and thoughts are with the rest of the Avengers, in particular the Rogers and Stark families, and I’m sure I speak for the entire world when I say we will be forever indebted to the two fallen heroes for their brave sacrifices which ensured that friends and families across the globe could be reunited.”

Katie glanced down at her hands as she took a deep breath, the tears falling into her lap as Steve’s arm curled round her shoulder, sniffing a little as his own eyes were once again misted over.

“I know you will all have many questions, some of you will be at a loss as to what to do, and unfortunately I don’t have all the answers, so it is for that reason, if I may, I’d like to address those who have been returned to us.

Over the past five years the world has become a very different place to the one you knew. People lost entire families, friends, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends. We had to rebuild, make sense of living without you. So I ask you , please be patient with us whilst we try once more to make sense of events, only this time they are a lot happier as you have all been returned to us. Don’t take it too personally if we seem a little, well, astounded.”

Ellis paused, wiping his eyes as he smiled, licking his lips.

“Thank you all, God Bless America, and God Bless the Avengers.”

****

That night fireworks exploded across the skies all over the country. The current occupants of the tower sat on the roof watching the symphony of colours and explosions as it light up the Manhattan sky-line, Jamie opting to sit on Bucky’s knee instead of his father’s, because of course Bucky was now his favourite person on the planet.

But Steve didn’t mind, well, not too much anyway.

The next few days passed them by in a bit of a blur. They moved back to the house in Brooklyn. Sam and Bucky came with them. However, surprisingly to Steve (but not to Katie) Wanda opted to head to Clint’s after the archer called and offered her a room. Steve’s time was divided between speaking to the UN, various people in the senate and government alongside Rhodey as they started to make plans to help those people who had returned because reversing the snap had raised a whole cacophony of different problems, just as Tony had predicted it would.

Some of the vanished had come back to find their wives or husbands had re-married. Others found themselves with no-one left as they’d passed away. Some found themselves homeless as new occupants had moved into their apartments which had been left vacant. Two of those people were Peter Parker and his Aunt May, who were now residing in the Tower until Katie could find them somewhere permanent.

And then there were the kids who had been adopted, suddenly finding themselves with two sets of parents.

Katie, on the other hand, had no time or energy for anything other than planning Tony’s funeral with Pepper, and a service of sorts for Natasha with Clint. Natasha’s was to take place first, a small ceremony at Clint’s farm where they would be planting a red maple tree in her honour. Tony’s, however, was slightly more tricky.

Her brother had, at one point, led a very public lifestyle and naturally (even if unfairly) he was attracting the most public interest. They’d been approached by President Ellis, who had asked if they would be open to a full, state public funeral. Katie had been horrified at first, until Pepper had snorted and reminded her that the Old Tony would have loved the attention and fuss.

But New Tony wouldn’t.

Which was why, in the end, they compromised and chose to celebrate the two sides to Tony’s huge personality.

For the Genius, Billionaire, Play-Boy, Philanthropist they would hold a service at St Patrick’s Cathedral and for the husband, father, brother, friend they would then hold a more intimate wake at the lake house, where his ashes would be scattered eventually.

It was draining, emotionally and physically, so it was no surprise to Steve that Katie was constantly tired and a little irritable and the Solider felt the harsh side of her tongue on more than one occasion. But he never bit back, he knew how she was feeling. He’d had to do it with his Ma. Instead he listened to her bounce ideas off him, helped with the organisation where he could, and simply comforted her, holding her close whilst she cried when she needed to.

A week post the return of the Vanished, people seemed to have reached a half-way point, so to speak, between what they had been like before the Snap and what they had become post. But what was noticeable to all of them was that they were persistently mobbed in the street, people wanting to thank them constantly.

Jamie found the whole thing hilarious, waving to people as he walked with his Father one morning to the play-ground. Steve, however, after half an hour had returned home because he couldn’t stand it anymore.

“It’s mad.” He shook his head with a sigh, flopping onto the sofa next to her. “I mean…”

“It’ll die down.” Katie yawned. “Just gonna take a while. People still don’t know what to do. Hell, half the time I don’t know what to do.” She took a deep breath, the back of her hand pressing to her mouth as a queasy feeling washed over her for the umpteenth time that day. “You still feeling crappy?” Steve asked, watching as Jamie sat on the rug with his trucks.

“A little.”

“You thrown up again?” “No.” She shook her head “I don’t feel sick anymore just a little funny, drained almost. I don’t think it’s anything serious. Probably just the stress of all the organising and stuff.”

But as she said the words something in her mind clicked and she sat bolt upright, Steve giving her a curious look.

“What’s wrong?”

“Bruce’s Snap.” She whispered. “The one where he brought everyone back.”

“What about it?”

“What if it brought everyone back?” “Well we know it did…” Steve frowned, not following her line of thought.

“No I mean,” Katie took his hand and placed it on her stomach, “everyone.”

It took Steve a second to cotton on, but when he did he blinked, looking into his wife’s eyes, a faint buzzing ringing in his ears.  

“Shit.” He spluttered out.

“Language.” Jamie reprimanded him almost immediately, but both parents ignored him.

“I didn’t,” Steve swallowed, “I mean, I didn’t even consider that a possibility. Do you think it has?”

Katie took a deep breath. “I dunno, I mean the first snap took it away…”

They stayed still for a moment, simply looking at each other, both thinking the same. If one snap had taken their baby, the second snap could quite as easily have brought it back.

“I think I need to go to the store.” Katie muttered.

**** Less than an hour later husband and wife were stood in the bathroom looking down. Down at four different tests. Four different tests that all told them the same thing.

“I can’t believe it.” Steve whispered, his arms wrapping around his wife from behind as he stared down at the test in her hand.

“Me neither.” She whispered, turning to face him, tears in her eyes.

“I’m gonna be a daddy, again.” His hands fell to her hips, blue eyes shining as she gave him a smile, the tears falling down her face.

“And I’m gonna be fat again.” She spluttered, a watery laugh. There was a pause, before Steve’s face cracked into a huge grin and he pulled her to him. She wrapped her arms round his neck and he hugged her close, the pair of them laughing through their tears.

“I like you fat with my kid.” Steve pulled away, wiping the tears that were trickling down her face with his thumbs. She smiled and returned the gesture, brushing the back of her hand over his wet cheeks.

“I love you. So fucking much.” He whispered softly as he dropped a kiss to her lips.

“I love you too.” Her voice croaked before Steve pulled her close once more, his huge arms holding her tightly to him, as he breathed her in, his face pressing into her hair.

And for the first time in a week, Katie’s heart felt a little less broken.

 **** Chapter 59

**Original Posting**

[moldisgoodforyou]

it’s a girl

warnings: pregnancy, cursing

wordcount: 1.7k

_

In a rare turn of events, Charlie swore JJ was more emotional than she was in the early stages of her pregnancy. 

In reality, he was terrified. He was scared of the tiny shoes they picked out, scared of the tiny ultrasound and the doctor comparing their baby to the size of a lemon, scared of the idea of him being a terrible father. 

“What about...Olivia?”

“Olive.” JJ responded without looking up from his laptop. He had shot down the majority of the baby names Charlie had suggested, somehow able to come up with every possible insult their child could have based off their name alone.

Charlie scowled but kept going, scrolling through a list online.

“Amelia.”

“Is she an eighteenth century princess reborn?”

She huffed. “Emerson? We could call her Emmy.” JJ raised his eyebrows. “You love the dude that invented lightbulbs that much?”

“That’s Edison, baby.”

He scowled. “I don’t like that name either.”

“No, I mean - never mind. Scarlett? You know, like Gone With The Wind?” She mused.

“Never heard of it. Next.”

“Annabelle.”

JJ lifted his head. “Well it’s a fucking mouthful, but maybe.”

“Fuck, JJ, do you have any good ideas?” She complained, crossing her arms. “No, because it’s going to be a boy. We should just find out at the doctor’s, all this would be easier.” He shot back. JJ wouldn’t admit it, but he had almost teared up when John B talked about how fun it would be to teach his kid how to surf and play catch and more. For some reason, he was only able to envision a mini him running around.

“Yeah, well you know I want a surprise.” She paused, holding back a smile. “How about Echo?”

“You’re fucking kidding me.” He looked over, incredulous.

She grinned and nudged him with her foot from the other side of the couch. “I am, yeah, just wanted to see your reaction.”

“Was it what you hoped?” JJ asked dryly.

“Absolutely not. You’re pissing me off,” she informed him. He simply nodded, used to her being mad about stupid things by now. (In retrospect, the name of their child was not stupid - just seemed like a trivial argument at the time.)

“I like Charlotte.”

She laughed. “Hell no.”

“C’mon, we could call her Lottie. If it’s a girl I want her named after my favorite person.” He grinned and she rolled her eyes. “No, that’ll make me sound conceited.”

“Will you at least consider it? I really do love the name.” 

“Thought you were sure we’re having a boy.” She narrowed her eyes. 

“Well.” JJ paused, smiling over at her. “If we don’t.” Charlie scowled. “You know how much I hate my name.” He laughed. “Fine, we’ll save it for our fourth kid. I’ll wear you down by then.” 

“Four kids?! JJ, you’re high. I haven’t even had this one and I’m not sure I’m going to like it enough to have a second.” She smoothed her hands over her stomach, biting her lip for a moment. He shook his head, confident. “No, you will. I don’t know about four, but. You’ll love our baby, I promise.” 

“I know I will, just. Not sure if I want to go through being pregnant again.” Charlie wrinkled her nose for a moment. 

“You know if I could take your job, I would.” He promised, leaning over to press a kiss to her forehead, then her stomach. 

“Yeah, yeah. Just wait until I have the baby, then you’ll take that back.” 

_

It hadn’t set in until they went in for the ultrasound. Charlie wanted to surprise him and told him it was just a routine appointment she’d like him to be at (he was at every appointment anyways, but still). When the black and white image of their baby came up on the screen, fuzzy around the edges, with the accompanying swishing sounds of the heartbeat, JJ thought he was going to pass out. He squeezed Charlie’s hand hard, going pale as he stared at the screen. 

“That’s our baby, J.” Charlie beamed, glancing over at him. 

“Yes, she looks healthy.” The doctor told them with a grin and Charlie gasped, quietly. They had forgotten to remind the doctor not to tell them, despite Charlie being so adamant about the surprise. 

“She.” JJ repeated softly, tears welling up in his eyes. He had been so set on a boy that he hadn’t even considered the possibility of a girl and now that it seemed so real, the idea of a real person attached to the thing growing in Charlie’s stomach, he wasn’t sure how to feel. He didn’t notice the doctor had flicked off the sound of the baby’s heartbeat and Charlie had asked him about three questions until she was waving her fingers in front of his face. 

“JJ, are you alright?” 

He snapped out of it, shaking his head and plastering on an uneasy smile. “Yeah, sorry, I’m good. Just. Excited.” 

Charlie was entirely unconvinced by his tone, but didn’t press it until they were out of the doctor’s office and in the car. JJ seemed as if he was moving on autopilot, fingers gripping the wheel as he drove. “What’s wrong?” She asked, reaching over and grazing her fingers across the back of his neck. He pressed his head back into her reassuring touch, like always. “Nothing, pretty girl.” 

“You’re lying.” She narrowed her eyes. 

“Yeah. I know.” Years ago, he would have avoided a conversation like this like hell. Over time, he’d realized lying to Charlie was a near-impossible feat. 

“Talk to me, J.” 

“Can we talk when we’re home? Don’t want to be distracted.” 

She frowned. “That bad?” 

“Please, Charlie.” He kept his eyes trained on the road, white-knuckled. 

“Okay.” She mumbled, keeping a reassuring touch on his neck. The rest of the drive was tense, both of them not making a sound. She kept her eyes trained on him, worriedly scanning over his expression and body language until he gave her an unconvincing smile. “I’m fine, sweetheart.” 

“You’re not fine, but I want you to focus on the road, so I’ll let it slide.” 

JJ laughed at that, making her relax just a little. “You know me too damn well.” He parked their car and jogged around to help her out like always, hand resting protectively on the small on her back. “I’d better. I’m your wife.” She came into the apartment with him, greeting their dog Maggie as they went and set their folder from the doctor on the entryway table. 

She tugged him down to the couch and curled herself into his side, knowing he hardly ever opened up if she kept eye contact with him. “Alright. Talk.” He let out a long, slow breath, deciding not to prolong it any further. “I’m sorry, I just...I don’t know how this doesn’t scare the shit out of you, Charlie.” 

At that, she sat up abruptly and reached over, cupping his cheek. “You think I’m not scared?” 

He startled, eyes wide. “You’ve been so calm! Through this entire thing!” 

She bit her lip, getting teary. “You were calm up until today! You were the only reason I wasn’t too scared!” He reached up and held her wrist, shaking his head. “I’ve been trying to hide it from you, sweetheart, I’m sorry.” 

“JJ, can I be honest?” 

“Yeah, always.” He tucked some hair behind her ear, concerned. 

“It’s just...I don’t know how to raise a child, I’ve been around like two babies total in my life, and I’m not sure if I’m responsible enough and am I even going to be a good mom and -” She stopped to take a deep breath, tears spilling onto her cheeks. 

“Hey, hey, shh.” JJ interrupted and pulled her in close, rubbing her back. “You’re going to be an incredible mom. You’re the most responsible person I know, and you’re so good with Maggie -” 

“The dog is not a child, JJ -” 

“Hush.” He grinned at her and wiped the tears from her face with his thumbs, then gave her a short kiss. “We’ll figure it out, okay? And whatever we don’t know, we’ll call your mom and beg for help.” 

She laughed at that, finally offering a small smile. “I’m sorry, I was supposed to be comforting you.” He nodded and pressed his forehead to hers. “Honestly? I feel better knowing you’re scared too. What do you even do with babies when they’re so little? Just hang out with them or something?” 

Charlie grinned. “I guess so. We can take it on walks and feed it and stuff?” 

“Her.” JJ corrected. “This baby is sounding more and more like our dog, though.” 

She let out a deep breath and settled back into his side. “A girl. Can you believe it? I know you wanted a boy, but...” 

He returned to rubbing her back again. “Yeah...dunno. A boy sounded easier.” He paused. “I just...” 

“Yeah?” 

“Never mind.” He mumbled, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. She frowned and tugged at his shirt. “Tell me.” 

“I won’t be like my dad, right?” He asked quietly, fisting his hand in the back of her shirt. Charlie leaned up and kissed him, slowly and surely. “Never, hon. I don’t know anything about having a baby, but I’m positive you’ll be a wonderful father.” He hummed, unsure. “How do you know?” 

“I know because you’re caring, and thoughtful, and you’re incredibly observant. Because you’re always there for me, and I know you will be for the baby. And that’s enough, J.” She kissed him again and he wore a small smile. “I love you so much, you know that? We’ll figure it out.” 

“We’ll figure it out.” He echoed and held her tight. “Love you too, sweetheart. And our little one.” 

“Our little family.” She murmured. They laid there for a moment, Charlie tracing small circles on his chest. 

“Hey, Charlie. How about Caroline?” JJ suggested, a little hesitant. He told her she could have full naming rights and didn’t want to overstep the boundary he set - after all, she was the one bearing the child. 

“Caroline.” She repeated, testing it out. “Baby Caroline. I love it.” 

He beamed and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “We’ll figure it out together, okay? You, me, and baby Caroline.”