#still dunno how to react
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I want to do unspeakable things to you
Thanks for the addendum at least
#still dunno how to react#i glowed up and was never considered attractive as a teen so compliments like this and compliments in general#they confuse me#but also plz dont sexualize me thanks
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me when i'm an old man who just appeared in the middle of nowhere with no memory of how i got there, what i've done the past few years, or how long it's been since i've seen my family and also something else has been in control of my limbs for a while so i'm having to learn how to walk again and this is made extra difficult by the Cruel Fate of mushrooms mysteriously appearing underneath my feet and also also sometimes i find myself craving to eat those mushrooms. for some odd reason
#''is anyone going to give this sozo depression'' and then i don't wait for an answer#clamart#cult of the lamb#cotl spoilers#<- does this still need spoiler tag? i dunno. but just in case#cotl sozo#look i'm just saying if i was in his situation i would be upset too. to say the Least.and this isn't even mentioning how he'll react knowin#All the Things He Did. to the Mushroomos.#he's having a hard time#sozo
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again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
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Anyway I've got a friend who's only just starting tr season 3 and I had the luck to be just right next to him when his tiktok fyp showed him an edit, spoiling him the library scene aKa kokonui infamous kiss
#still did my best to stop him to look through the comment bc 'theres a context to it that youre never going to guess dont go spoil yourself#further'#dunno how hed react when hed get their entire backstory. he ships them btw so that promises to be fun#tokyo revengers#tr#tok rev#tokrev#tr inui#tr kokonoi#tokrev inupi#tokrev koko#kokonoi hajime#inui seishu#kokonui#told me he cried his eyes out when emma died and that i couldve 'warned him' lmao#he also found the 20th volume and read it so he spoiled izanas death scene to himself. im not telling him shit about kakucho surviving
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Happy Birthday @cashweasel beloved, have a soft kiyazan non confession confession, love you and these two idiots sm and I hope your day was amazing
#my art#kiyazan#oc: Kiara#Yazan Hadidi#certified blorbo in law#i had to beat art with a stick for the whole day over this but I love them sm#what the fuck even is night time lighting i dont know i put all my eggs into the golden hour basket#anyway#kiara is 100000% feeling jus a bit nervous#tapping her fingers nd resting her head on her knees ab it#but i mean how else do u react to someone you love but haven’t really told reading your feelings right next to you FDFFSDF#reading ur feelings in a letter where btw u still don’t explicitly confess#shes still v :heart eyes: tho#she cant help it#i thought ab living yazan some mirror dice FDSFSDFDS but also it would make more sense if this was her car considering birthday surprise#shes just passenger princess for the ride back lol#she deserves a break from driving i dunno#anyway i considered the dice then i was like well I want it to be a gift from someone bc OBviously and so i didnt put one#OMG it should be from Karima jus sayin#maybe she doesnt have it yet#ok jus imagine the fuzzy mirror dice XD#anyway happy birthday bestie#i know its not the day of for u anymore but I wanted it to be pretty for u
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#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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its important to watch a new movie or read a new book sometimes. largely because 1) its nice to experience all the art this world has to offer but also 2) you might be able to find new scenarios to imagine your OCs in
#it gets the cogs turning if ur imaginary scenarios get stale#wait did anyone else do this. when i was a kid i played with my toys in the very storytelling heavy style#like every toy was a character type thing. ten million large spanning melodramatic stories of epic proportions with my littlest pet shops#like that was the type of play i liked. and i would#sit in front of the TV with whatever playing half watching cartoons#or watching some kids movie on vhs borrowed from the library back when they still had tapes#and the whole time i would be playing with my toys. seeming more engrossed in the story among my toys than the movie i was watching#but i WAS watching the movie i was just using it largely as a. jumping off point. to make up stories about like#my lps cat who can see ghosts and her search for her long lost twin sister or something#Oh god and when i was a little older like 10 years old making ms paint animations age#whenever i was watching a movie with like famiy or in class or whatever and maybe it was a little boring at parts#i would like. start focusing on the score only and just imagine my own sparklewolf OCs to it instead of paying attention#my dad often fondly remembers watching avatar in theatres with the whole family and looking over to me and seeing me mentally GONE hfkjdfhs#mother and older brother were pretty engrossed with the effects and visuals and i was like. eyes glazed over staring into space#imagining blue wolves with anime hair like :) my dad thought it was very funny. he cant judge the reason he was looking around was because#often hes more interested in watching other people react to a movie than the movie itself LOL we are cut from similar cloths..#i still dont remember a thing about that movie. but the score wasnt bad HJKDBJFKLSHJFDs#but yeah i dunno. watch a horror movie. think about putting your ocs through the horrors. thats how ive lived my entire life
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"i'm not disabled" followed immediately by "i've got bad knees and a bad back" is certainly something to read 🤨 you know it doesn't have to be cripling for it to count, right...? it's not normal to be in pain after 15 minutes of standing. ableds can stand for, like, an hour at a time before they need to sit.
i know! i appreciate the concern, but i uh. dunno lol. genuinely i don't know. but i included the afaik ("i'm not disabled afaik" was the original phrase, though i'm not like mad at you for excluding it or anything) because i'm well aware that it's a possibility. it's hard to explain but there's a lot of little things that don't add up to much but are like. noticeable. like i would prefer to do most things sitting, if i could, as a matter of comfort. it would be easier for me. and walking isn't as bad as just standing. i've never been great at taking care of my body, and this has only gotten worse with time. it's hard for me to know what i should read as necessity and what i should read as preference, and how much weight to put on said preferences. like you said, i know it doesn't need to be "if i don't sit down i'm going to collapse" or anything, but where to draw that line between Definitely A Medical Thing That Affects Me More Than Other People and.. not that, i'm not sure. i kinda just thought i was a persistently slightly tired and low energy person, but it doesn't seem bad enough to be chronic fatigue, so...? is it related to the half-diagnosed. idk it's complicated depression (and yes in hindsight i probably should've counted that as disabling but whatever)? idk it's not a rabbit hole i've explored much at all is my point. but i know it's there and uh i guess this was sort of validating in a way anon so.. yeah? yeah👍
#also in reference to the pain after 15 mins of standing thing it's.. usually closer to discomfort than pain? but it's not Not pain either#it's often more like 'oh i should sit down. i wanna sit down. i should sit down' and it's not that frequent but it's like a status effect#and the frequent reminders are only after like 20-30 minutes#sometimes i don't even notice it and sometimes (if i'm bored lol) i'll notice it a Lot#this is not helped by my body being.. iffy at telling me what's going on. it's always too much or too little input with this guy#ahh that rascal. anyway#listen anon 1) uh sorry for going off like this idk if that's like. socially appropriate or whatever but i'm doing it anyway 2) if you've#got ideas i'm all ears. like off the top of your head not like. im not asking you to do research for an internet stranger ok#plus it feels weird saying i could be disabled when i have no idea what it would even be. i mean i think i'd believe someone else if they#said that but it's a classic rules for me and not for thee situation. still working on that#point is i got brain gunk for sure i just don't know how much of the body gunk is because of the brain gunk or smth else#like the possibly-probably autism definitely affects me physically i just don't know exactly what to do with that information#like. am i exhausted bc i'm overstimulated? is it the burn out? or is that a separate thing? or are they working together? etc#anyway yeah got caught vagueposting about my symptoms here's the deep dive no one wanted. for self indulgence purposes :v#no but i think about it a lot with posts like this bc i mean. would an able bodied person react THAT strongly to finding out shower stools#exist? probably not. but who knows for certain#....coming to the conclusion of. probably. maybe. but in what ways specifically? uh. i dunno. i just got them heavy limbs#might be a thyroid issue now that im looking into it. but again this is Not my area of expertise
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Wow. I have got to figure out how to run old games on my shiny, modern gaming PC, because the new Carnivores remake. SUCKS.
#carnivores dinosaur hunter#my opinion#300 frikkin credits just to use the dinosaur calls?!?#THEY WERE 100% FREE IN ALL OF THE FIRST 3 GAMES WHAT KIND OF SADIST DECIDED WE SHOULD HAVE TO PAY FOR THEM NOW!!!???#and then the dinosaurs do not react instantly and i cannot get used to that#they spot me- or i shoot them- and it's a couple of seconds before they react#or... at least that's how the steg reacts#i dunno maybe it's just cuz stegs have brains the size of a walnut#still...#it's stupid#and then throw in the dino senses being almost as super-sensitive as they were in carnivores 2#and i swear the player has only like 1 stamina wheel (loz reference XP)#i could swear i used to sprint all the way from one side of an island to another#the graphics are great tho i'll give them that#the textures the lighting the dinosaur behavior...#it all looks great#well...#except that the island's so... sparse#delphaeus hills looks like it suffered a drought#or partial deforestation#it's so barren#the textures are better but it looks so empty#anyway#i played a trial version on xbox 1 and that was enough for me#i needa play my old games again#the one update that i (very ironically) did kinda like was that a steg trampled me in one mission#totally did not expect that#it's still weird to me because why isn't the steg using its spiked tail???#but yeah i always wondered why a lot of the herbivores didn't AT LEAST trample you#but like...
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.havign lots of thoughts about how npcs are portrayed learning about the nature of their universe in works
#.most of the feelings were thrown onto evan since like. i dunno feels like a lot of the works like that write the npcs as fi the npcs-#.are actually people from outside the game transported into the game and have points of refrence about this whole thing and react how ''rea#.people'' would react to learning that they were inside a video game#.when really the npcs would prolly react closer to just going yea okay. since that's their world. they have no other world. that's their#.universe. and now they ave a little bit more info about their own universe#.yea they could have an existencial crisis if they knew what it means but also like#.''ooooh that means that i'm not real'' uhm. yea they are. they still are. that world is real from their perspective and continues to be#.real even after the learn about this#.from OUR perspective they aren't! but from theirs? yea! they are!#.also it9 s not like they would instantly know everything about how video games work even if they had no prior knwledge of that#.why would they try to change the fact that they're made out of lines of code#.that's like being mad and wanting to change the fact that they're made out of atoms#.except in their case it's ones and zeros in a computer#.PLUS!!!!!!!!! IN SOME CASES!!!!!!!!!! MAYBE THEY DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT VIDEO GAMES OR COMPUTERS ARE!!!!!!!!!!#.IT ALL DEPENDS ON WHAT SORT OF WORLD THE VIDEO GAME PORTRAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#.IF THE WORLD HAS COMPUTERS IN THERE THEN THEY KNOW A LITTLE BIT MORE!#.IF THE WORLD IS MEDIVAL THEY WOULDN'T FUCKING KNOW SHIT!#.once again pointing at evan and how we threw bunch of our feelings about this onto her#.since like he grew up in a world post combine invasion and like. technoglogy isn't really the best#.like barely anyone has any access to it other than the combine and all that jazz#.so she doesn't know what video games are. maybe has heard of what computers are#.she learned about being in a video game but to him that's the same as learning how our solar system travels through the galaxy and physics#.it's just another little detail about the world thta may explain some things. or maybe it doesn't#.when facing with her code she sees it as her dna. yea she's reading it but she deson't understand a thing in it#.maybe some fragments maybe not#.just like how everyday people wouldn't know how to interpert dna if they already haven't studied about that subject#.and when him getting corrupted. she doesn't know what happened. he just knows that something did. but she can't do anything about it#.and instead just learn how to navigate the world with more difficulties#.like how one would with a pernament injury
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#gotta love it how we’re a week away from my birthday and everything is going to shit#i’m incapable of writing for my thesis#i’ve fucked up with my best friend again and she’s thoroughly ignoring me#<- and i’m afraid to even ask her to talk because she’s probably dump me atm and i’m scared of what she has to say anyway#and the others in my friend group apparently heard her saying something mean about me (dunno what) and they don’t know how to react#also my crush on ✨that guy✨ has sparked again and i’m confused as to if i’m still friendzoned or he made up his mind about me#because 🤠 we have past 🤠#i wanted to throw a bday party but honestly i don’t feel like even acknowledging the day at all#everything is shit#this is emma speaking
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im getting to the end of metaphor and i was kind of neutral on it but i think i am Not A Fan. we'll have to wait and see how it ends but i have some gripes
#idk how to explain it exactly but i'm especially put off by how they handled 1.) the situation with martira's sanctoress and her Live-#Execution and 2.) their justification of louis' murder in front of the crowds at the opera house and claiming the lance as their own#like. from the people's perspective those are two morally objectionable acts. and the way the characters reacted to it#(especially after having doubts about louis' involvement in the prince's curse) was really like. i dunno if you guys are as righteous-#as you pretend to be#i dunno. they preach such lofty values but in the end are still justifying their actions with weak ideals and placation#i hope that the game doesn't keep pretending that they're completely righteous. i hope it addresses some of these situations#i doubt it will though...
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More screenshots (bonus, managed to find Bull a shirt and don't know how to feel about that)
#anyway i continue to Lavellan post because i did some stuff and I'm tired now anyway. thinking about the beginning of the game and#how he's mostly leaning into the herald bullshit because he thinks it'll help him belong here and make people like him and how#devastatingly it's going to hit him after in your heart shall burn (I'm basically leaning into it as much as#possible without establishing him as faithful since it's more difficult to make Leliana pope that way but in my head#he took every 'yeah I'm herald I'm heralding so much andraste right now' option besides one with cass and one with Leliana)#like. he doesn't even really believe it but most people either like hearing it or if they react negatively it's in a way that still#acknowledges him as in charge so he'll roll with that. but then. everything in YHTB happens and it's just like. Oh. Oh Shit. like#it was this mix of bullshitting for fun and saying what people wanted to hear and kind of believing that maybe he was chosen by#Something at least. and like. it's not like he didn't do anything on his own or at least without any special abilities but then#The classic seeing all that be swept aside. realizing how this is going to be remembered because it's already happening. maybe#he should have known that the second he was asked if there was room for more among his gods.#but then. what do you expect. his first memory is being discarded (that's not entirely what it was but that's how his child brain#precessed it) and practically going feral because of it and then. having So Much catching up to do when it came to. basically every#aspect of being a person#and like. he was accepted along with Rella but that still gets to you. especially since. sure he didn't fully understand what it means to#be pitied but he could still recognize that from others. could still want to prove he was Better Than That. could still want to shatter tha#sheet of glass between himself and seemingly everyone else (even Rella to be honest. if only because she almost left him behind too). how#would he not lean into being seen as something special. whether he fully believed the narrative others were spinning or not#i dunno i see a lot of people talking about their Lavellan pushing back against the narrative from the start but i kind of like the#idea of going along with it. thinking it won't get that far and surely he can correct it if it does. he's in charge after all. right? only#to get hit harder than an avalanche by the realization that he's not in control after all. he can direct as many forces as he wants#but he can't change how he'll be remembered. how he's already being remembered. and he contributed to it too? i dunno his specific#combination of pride and insecurity and need to just Belong. to just belong as himself. is. compelling#If anyone is reading this Ive seen posts about all Lavellans having the same personality but no one's elaborated? am i just doing that?#i actually want to know. you know. assuming anyone is reading this.#i dunno just thinking about his continuous need to prove himself for so many reasons (partially because of Rella too since#yeah Rella is a mage but not the first or anything. she's just there because people knew she had nowhere else to go). okay I'll shut up now#but yeah what is this Standard Lavellan Personality i keep hearing about?#original posts#but like. something something he's being discarded again but he understands it this time and he can't fight it and just
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love it when DF is like. here’s the most recent patch trial for you to heal owen <3 oh and here is the 7th raid of pandaemonium too <3
#that is the distant sound of me screeching#we made it through it though like fuck it we ball#the real nightmare to heal though is the 2nd EW trial like OH BY#it was so bad bc we were just trying to get a friend though it for the story#and it was just like. wishdhdjddj GOD#the Burger King crown tank kept standing it everything so they would die to tank busters#like buddy pal I can only shield you and heal you so much#god cannot save you from that tank stack#the life and times of healing#I still like it better than tanking#I dunno healer feels so responsive that it’s a lot of fun to do fights with it#bc you’re reacting to mechs and to the group and adjusting what you need#thalaeia is a lot of fun to heal bc of how much toolkit you have to work with#owen talks#at least it’s fun until all of alliance C nearly dies to the trash mod raid wides
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for those ready to level up in their journey to fucking relax (i'm still working on learning the first bit, so i understand if you're also not there yet):
also, boundaries are good
and boundaries are necessary
clearly communicating what you will do in a Situation... 👍
it is alright to have boundaries
it is alright to say no
it is alright to keep boundaries
#gods i dunno how to word that last one other than a thumbs up;;;;; as i said. im not there yet#but i woke up to see some additions from folks elsewhere on their social learning journey and figured i may as well generalize it#and perhaps define it a bit too. like i guess the next step after this is to learn how to establish boundaries#which is like Extremely context dependent i think. all tho is a form of communication#specifically what *you* are going to do#WHENEVER I ESTABLISH THESE BOUNDARIES THO!!! i cant help but think 'wow this is awful i am mean'#You Are Not Mean. This is Not Awful. it is alright (easier to accept). it is good (hard to accept). it is necessary (makes sense ngl)#some boundaries ive set before is like: 'i will answer work correspondences during work hours'#and 'if you refuse to use my pronouns then i will refuse a relationship with you'#and 'please ask first before hugging me and dont get mad if i say no'#ya know. ''mean'' stuff like that...... sigh#ah that last example doesnt have a What i Will Do cause honestly i have no idea#i haven't really had unwanted hugs since ive left the Community That Constantly Hugs Everyone Even If They Dont Know You#so i havent HAD to think about it nor even wanna share how my brain/body bundle reacts to it. we can burn that bridge if we get there?#as i said. im still working on it akxbajxb#<- there some 4am oversharing for y'all
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hii!! i love ur blog lol. i saw ur requests were open and i thought maybe id send one in! no pressure at all to do it, thank you for writing what you write (it’s really comforting!) i was wondering if you could do poly!marauders with a reader who is overworking herself for exams/college stuff and is hiding from her boyfriends because she knows they’ll be stern with her and make her take a break? so she tries to evade them but they foil her evil little plan lol. maybe like dom!remus… i’m obsessed w him.. just an idea!!!! have an amazing day 🩷
Thanks for requesting, hope you have an amazing day too!
cw: d/s dynamics to be found if you want them to be, mostly they're just bossy
poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 814 words
There are nice voices seeping into your consciousness. Soft, comforting. You snuggle into the gentleness of their familiar hum.
Something moves from underneath your face. You start to open your eyes, slow and reluctant, and when the something is gone your face lands in a warm palm. It feels safe, easy enough to settle into, but as you’re about to let yourself slip away again it strokes its thumb over your cheek.
“Angel.” James’ voice sounds almost like he’s trying not to laugh. He thumbs your cheek again. “Angel, hey.” A pause. “She doesn’t seem to want to wake up.”
“She’s awake,” Sirius says. You feel his hand sweep across your shoulder blades. “Come on, sweetness. This is no place to spend the night.”
You make a disgruntled, whiny sound you’d never allow in full consciousness. Your eyes peel open.
“There she is.” Sirius rubs your back encouragingly.
You blink blearily in the sickening fluorescent light of the library. James is squatting at face-level in front of you, his expression somewhere between fond and pitying, while Remus stands behind him with your backpack over his shoulder. You can see Sirius peering down at you in your periphery, his hand still moving over your back as though to keep you from falling back asleep.
There doesn’t seem to be anyone else around. It must be late.
“Oh, no,” you groan, forcing yourself up. Your neck and back crackle as you straighten, making James cringe.
“I agree,” Sirius says smoothly. “I too would be devastated if I traded a warm and cozy bed with my loving boyfriends for a hard, cold desk. But don’t be embarrassed, there’s still time to make things right.”
“I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” You press the heels of your hands into your eyes, trying to rub wakefulness into them. “I…where’s my laptop?”
“I have it,” says Remus.
“I need it.”
“You’ll get it back tomorrow.”
A slow, heavy anxiety laces your bloodstream. “But I have to finish…”
“Dove.” Remus’ voice is stern, though not unkind. “You have to sleep first. At home.”
You blink, your brain still lagging. “But…”
“Sweetheart, c’mere.” James takes your face in his hand, angling you towards him. He brushes his thumb over the corners of your eyes, then smiles at you. “There. Sorry, you had crusties. Ready to go?”
“I…”
“Let’s go, babe.” Sirius winds an arm around your waist, hauling you up with him. “It’s definitely bedtime.”
James chuckles. “Seems like it. Poor love.”
“What about my stuff?”
“I’ve got it, dove,” Remus reminds you. He frowns. “When was the last time you slept?”
You think back. “Last night.” Was it really only last night? It feels eons ago.
“But for how long?”
“Uh…” you wince. “I dunno, a couple hours.”
James makes a low pitying sound, and Remus’ frown worsens. On some level, you know you’d known they would react like this. Probably, you’d even known they were right. It was why you’d been spending as little time at home as possible, catching twenty-minute power naps in library chairs and avoiding your boyfriends.
“Sweetheart,” Remus sounds tired himself, and guilt sprouts behind your ribcage, “you can’t run yourself ragged like this. It’s not sustainable. It’s not going to help with your schoolwork, and it’s awful for you besides. Why are you doing this to yourself?”
You heave a sigh. “I guess I just like living on the edge,” you grumble sardonically.
Sirius huffs a laugh. He slots a piece of hair behind your ear. “Hey, recklessness is my thing,” he says, kissing your temple. “You need to get your own thing.”
“Sorry.”
“You need to take better care of yourself,” Remus chides. “You’ve tried your way, and it’s clearly not working. Right?”
You’re silent. Then Sirius pinches your side, and you squeak, “Right.”
“Good girl.” Remus’ tone warms some with amusement. “So we’re going to go home, and you’re going to sleep at least eight hours. Then, after you eat and drink something, you can have your laptop back. Okay?”
“Okay.” You want to be more reluctant, but the allure of your boyfriends’ evil scheme is too tempting to resist. You don’t have the energy to fight them on it. “Thanks for coming to get me.”
Remus holds the door open for you all to exit the library. As you pass, he cups your cheek with a small smile. “You’re welcome, dovey.”
“And maybe during this next round of studying, you could take a break from time to time,” James suggests lightly. “I haven’t had a proper cuddle in days.”
“Oi!” Sirius’ chin nearly smacks the side of your head as he whips around to see James. “What would you call what we did this afternoon?”
“Not a proper cuddle. Your elbow has probably left a permanent indent in my stomach.”
“There are people who would pay for a souvenir like that, Jamie.”
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