#still dont have a tag for pictures of myself
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heres todays outfit <3
#deity dialogue#still dont have a tag for pictures of myself#oooh you wanna tell me I/my outfit looks cute sooooo bad#or say whatever comes to mind idk#ignore my lips look bad they’ve been chapped and I’m constantly biting skin off of them#anyways I forgot I had this button up shirt
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#vel 17#hanging out in my silly bedroom drinking too much water to handle#thank you so much#i'mma do something i dont think ive done in years and like#give commentary in the tags & shit#i think simply put ive been trying to find ways to talk about my stellar combo of ocd a panic disorder and cptsd for a long time now#& i still honestly have no clue#once i wasnt surfing from place to place last year i really just locked myself in here#and that was 10 months ago (7 months after it got really fucking bad). ive been feeling like this pretty much since i turned 25#finally being able to process what the people in life had to tell me was a years worth of legit psychological abuse#but now thats even getting outside my comfort level at the moment and ive been recontextualizing my whole life over here#ive barely been posting pictures outside of my bedroom cause ive barely left it#if you see this it means it escaped my drafts and i was bold enough to publish this tagspeak#i am merely just trying to expel ocd ruminations dont mind me 🪩#but idk. talking like this makes me feel gross and i'm starting to realize people don't usually feel it to THIS extent. like i feel nauseou
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ouu i haven’t posted anything in a while cause i lowkey forgot how to draw digitally but we’re so back
#a long time ago i saw something about drawing yourself as your mbti and of course im going to draw myself#so here we are#i deadass could not draw for months and all of a sudden i can now#EXAMS ARE OVER IM FREE 🗣🗣🗣 that might be why#this happens quite a bit this happened in january too when i shit out my dystopian design out of nowhere#i designed it without looking at the actual picture first so i think it was supposed to be overalls#either ways i give myself the same outfit every time anyways im a big pants gay on screen and a big jacket gay in real life#imagine the shoelaces are bright yellow okay#i should have used a reference the crossed arms look a little wonky#no more bright purple hair i kinda figured out how to make it black without using black#im still workshopping it cause you cant really see any details i feel like its just one giant blob#RAUAUUHGHHH im on a character design kick i want to design more what should i design#or draw idk im open to suggestions#every time i say that i take months to respond tho so dont take my word for it#i might do loons designs#jellos scribbles#i might have to make a separate tag for when i draw myself at this rate
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me at 13: by the time im 30 i will probably be married and maybe have a kid but for sure i will be living in my dream city and have my dream job. and also a lot of money
me at almost 30: i think i will treat myself to a corn dog this weekend
#i want a corn dog so bad rn#ngl u guys im actually really struggling with turning 30 at the end of the year lmao#not lmao bc it really is bothering me which is so stupid i know I Know#but. and i know we're All struggling with this. but it's like god i have done nothing with my life#like fr. everyone says that but i literally have done nothing. ive never had a real 9-5 ive been freelancing since college#and tbh i guess that's not a bad thing? but self worth wise i feel like a complete loser.#but ive just made one mistake after another and i know that's what your 20s are for and u know what this is my tags and im not going#to keep contradicting myself i feel like shit bc i feel like shit and ive wasted my whole life thats that#i just feel like such a sham like i cant believe this is what 30 is like i on god feel like im still a teenager#not in a carefree kind of way OBVIOUSLY. which i never was anyway. but i just ?? feel like that#scary fucking episode of rugrats where tommy and chuckie become their dads and they go to work and theyre so fucked up bc#well theyre babies and they dont know anything. and even the fact that i just referenced rugrats to explain how i feel lmaooooo#relationship wise well u guys know how that is. and i truly couldnt care less about what people think about me not being in a relationship#ever and tbqh i dont give a fuck anymore either like. and here i go bringing this up again. but after my ex im like ok life truly is so#short fr i dont even care like anyway. anyway. the point is there is just no reality whatsoever where i pictured my life where i am now#once again living with the abusive relative i moved across the ocean to get away from.#no love life to speak of. fr dont care but god wouldnt it be nice to be loved fr.....#no career. living in a state i hate with all my heart. barely surviving money wise. which is everyone rn but#if i had known 10 years ago this would be my life i would have honestly killed myself.#like if i knew it would all turn out like this i wouldnt have moved i wouldve just fr killed myself and i wish i did lol#to be fair. i didnt see myself living past 18 but like. i just thought something would have saved me by now
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microdosing coming out by macrodosing "ooo i wanna look Just Like Him. HIM. HE HIM HIM HIM. JUST LIKE HIM." like oh look at the broad shoulders and wide, flat chest. oh, oh, so interesting, isn't it? wouldn't it be fun if i were a guy? imagine That!
#me randomly throughout the day: [showing a picture of some guy] don't you think it'd be so nice if i looked JUST LIKE HIM? hehe#being trans is fun#incoming in the tags:#dysphoria#sometimes i feel like maybe im not actually trans and that im just ~an imposter~ because it's ''''''trendy''''''#and then i remember that i literally cannot bear calling myself a girl + my chest makes me so.... [no words for it] +#everytime i have to accept what i have DOWN THERE whenever i pee or like idk put on underwear i have to like.#pretend that i dont know what what i have is and that i am a small child again who does not know that people have different parts#until like. halfway through last year i thought everyone wanted to be out of the skin they were born in. i thought it was a normal thing#brought on by puberty.#and i also thought that maybe i just felt that way because i didn't look ~conventionally attractive~#but then i started ~working on myself~ and changing these things and i still couldn't stand the fact that this was my skin.#that i couldn't tear it away so i could finally be ~real~#i remember that i was watching a video and i thought he looked cool but at the same time the voice in my head that was like#'you want to look like THAT so bad and that's going to k ill you' and i had to pause the video and look away for a sec because#i couldn't accept that i just didn't look like that....#like yeah dude. you're trans#not 'not like other girls' in a pick me way but 'not like other girls' in that im a guy and feel incredibly alien in my body#sorry i started talking about all that. i'll tag it no worries
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i am once again struck with the sunday afternoon brain itch like i need to accomplish something, but i've already done plenty so i'm not sure what it is my brain thinks i'm supposed to do
#its probably just ingrained american profestant work ethic bc today it the only day that i actually dont work#but like. i've still done stuff today like. i cleaned the bathroom. i did some writing. i drew an entire picture start to finish.#i'm currently finishing up the laundry. i even went outside for a little bit. so like. what else could i do to satisfy myself?#i did briefly consider taking some fic reqs but i don't think i have enough ideas to actually fulfill anything#life tag
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My brain is slowly getting infected with ruh roh agsin
#..ruh roh#silly silly brain things#anyways my hair is getting straightened tomorrow!! really looking forward to it hehe#hair is just such a thing for me :')#not gonna delve into that for now but. straightened hair!! yippeee#n it'll get washed n trimmed too.. just the ends tho#moy hair.. <3#i guess im saying happy bday to myself a few days early lol#oh and.. i need some picture or artwoek for my college song hrmmmm#i need to try something soon!#maybe ill actually draw a little leafy.. gosh that reminds me of my naenon seelie art :'))#truly a little silly drawing TᵕT#hmmm thats it really. i still need to do dailies#didnt get to save many strawberries#we need more straw :')))#ill try grab some more tomorrow ifvi have timr!! and if i dont get distracted oopsies#uhhh i forgor what else#its beddy bye time for me anyways soooo. nini!#posts.nae#wow thays a looot of tags huh teehee
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WEST END GIRL ★ F1 GRID
PAIRING ✦ alex albon x fem!younger sister!reader ; f1 grid x fem!albon!reader [ implied logan sargeant x fem!reader ]
SUMMARY ✦ your brother and his cohort of friends from the f1 grid come to support you on the first night of your big break in the west end [ SMAU ]
WARNINGS ✦ cursing
REQUESTED ✦ here!
NOTES ✦ bit of a shorter one :) reader is younger than alex, but it's not specified how old she is. i felt it more fitting to make her perform in the uk, so i made her perform in the west end. reader plays eponine in 'les miserables'. the fc i've used is fah yongwaree, but feel free to picture whoever you want! my requests are closed.
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liked by alex_albon, lilymhe, and 3,001 others
yourusername so...this is my life now?? my first night performing is in two days time, and it still doesnt feel real ❤️
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user1 AHHH LES MIS??
user2 wait who are you playing?? im going to watch!!
yourusername eponine!! hope you enjoy urself, its truly amazing! ❤️
user3 no way she's albon's sister...
user4 i knowww she's so glam
user5 how is alex ur brother
yourusername been asking myself that since birth 🤷♀️
alex_albon i was born first??
lilymhe my sister, so proud of you ❤️❤️
yourusername love you lils 💓
alex_albon we'll be there, trust!
yourusername who's we
alex_albon don't worry about it 😉
imessages ( alex )
yourusername
( caption one: getting ready for tonight 💓 | caption two: my first show done ✅ after dark ❤️ )
liked by yourusername, lilymhe, and 355,412 others
tagged yourusername, lilymhe
alex_albon got to watch my sister in action today in the west end and wow, is she incredible. watch les miserables right now YOU WON'T REGRET IT 🫵🫵
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user6 SHE'S STUNNINGGG??
user7 RIGHTTT?
user8 omg i saw her she was so goodddd
user9 the albon siblings are talented beyond relief confirmed
user10 I NEED TO GO ASAPPPP
user11 NO SAME
user12 bad time to be living in america rn :(
yourusername it was so fun to see everyone tonight! ❤️
landonorris you were amazing y/n!!
charles_leclerc ^^
user13 DID WE MISS A CHAPTER
yourusername the flowers were gorgeousss who told logan my favs were tiger lilies 🥺
logansargeant just intuition 🤷♂️❤️ i'll have to get you them again next time!
alex_albon yeah yeah she's still my little sister back up sargeant
carmenmmundt y/n was truly breathtaking 💗
georgerussell63 agreed ^
yourusername MAMA Y PAPA love you guys💓💓
georgerussell63 we're not that much older than you?
yourusername boo dont care still my parents 👎
liked by alex_albon, charles_leclerc, and 35,312 others
yourusername and you're singing the songs, thinking this is the life!
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user17 woweeeee that dress was made for youuuu
user18 IS THAT NOT THE PICTURE THAT ALEX POSTED OF YOU ON HIS INSTA
user19 i think it's from a diff angle though hahaha
yourusername ^ yup!!
user20 AMY MCDONALD THIS IS THE LIFE MENTIONED??
user21 the prettiest princess ever
alex_albon photography credits??
yourusername yeah yeah whatever thanks alex
alex_albon no problem!!!!!! 😁😁
logansargeant all those flowers and not a tiger lily in sight
yourusername still waiting for ur tiger lilies mr sargeant!
logansargeant come to miami and i'll give you some 🫡🫡
yourusername might just have to take you up on ur offer!!
alex_albon um guys can we not
yourusername wdym this is purely friendly?!
alex_albon keep the public flirting to a minimum PLEASE
oscarpiastri where are you finding cars with flowers in it
yourusername london babyyyy!
yourusername
( caption one: 🌊🌊 | caption two: crazyyy 😱 )
liked by alex_albon, logansargeant, and 44,931 others
tagged logansargeant
yourusername yeah i went to miami but i also got my nails done so what's new really
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user25 miss y/n continues to SERVEEEE
user26 she knows what's up!!
user27 tagging logan on the lilies awww :(
user28 okay but the caption is so real bc the nailsss?? CAN WE HAVE A MINUTE FOR THE NAILS PLEASE
user29 the way we've all decided to just stan alex's sister is everything to me
user30 she IS iconic
lilymhe the way you're wearing my necklace 🥺
yourusername of courseee you gave it to me!!
lilymhe ❤️
landonorris papaya flowers is that a sign or what
yourusername they're TIGER LILIES you idiot and just bc you won doesnt mean im switching sides
landonorris @/oscarpiastri wellll it was worth a try ☹️
logansargeant my flowers made a feature :)
yourusername of course they did i loveee them!
oscarpiastri boo make out already
alex_albon OSCAR I DON'T SUPPORT THAT
alex_albon the red nails im feeling betrayed rn 😔
yourusername switching sides @/scuderiaferrari @/charles_leclerc PLEASE give me a paddock pass thank you!!
scuderiaferrari your wish is our command 🫡
charles_leclerc y/n switching teams 🤣
landonorris oh so you'll switch to ferrari but not mclaren?? okayyy i see
yourusername yeah sorry about that lando 🤷♀️
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#f1#f1 x reader#f1 smau#formula one x reader#f1 imagine#formula 1#f1 imagines#f1 x you#alex albon#logan sargeant#charles leclerc#lando norris#george russell#f1 x female reader#f1 x y/n#formula one#formula one x you#requests#formula 1 x reader#mclqren
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KISS ME - SMAU
I APPRECIATE EVERY NOTE, COMMENT AND REBLOG!! <333
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆｡ﾟ. ───
ship: mattheo rddle x reader
warnings: cursing
disclaimer: haven't written in a while, this is my first SMAU on this account, everything on this blog is fiction
─── ･｡ﾟ☆ weirdo. :☆｡ﾟ. ───
the pictures do not represent the readers looks!!!
mattheo.riddle
liked by ur.username, theo.nott and 56.783 other people
mattheo.riddle the weirdos + me
tagged ur.username, theooo.nott, enzo.berkshire, blaise.zabini, the.draco.mlfoy, pansys.panties and Tom.Riddle
ur.username like ur not a weirdo 🙄🙄
mattheo.riddle never ur level of weird tho 🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️
theooo.nott LIES!!!
user.1 the last pic 👀👀
user.2 RIGHT??? LIKE
user.3 they're just friends. yall are weirdos
user.4 I ship it but unless they confirm something we need to respect boundaries
user.2 what boundaries did i cross girlie??
user.5 im so lonelyyyyy
user.6 no cause why does everyone have these huge friend groups???
user.5 THATS WHAT IM SAYINNN
user.7 they're always onto something
user.8 🍌🍌🍌
user.9 oh to have context to any of these 🙏🙏
pansys.panties 📷??
pansys.panties not even answering is disrespectful tf
pansys.panties fine imma do it myself
pansys.panties for the second AND last 📷 credit to me
mattheo.riddle not even giving me 2 secs to respond is crazy
theooo.nott I dont remember any of thes
blaise.zabini cause you were drunk 💀💀💀
ur.username
liked by Tom.Riddle, theooo.nott and 65.873 others
ur.username this is revenge for last night 🙂🙂
tagged mattheo.riddle
mattheo.riddle boycotting the likes
mattheo.riddle this is insane
ur.username maybe you shouldn't have woken me up with a mariachi band then
mattheo.riddle can't even spread joy with music anymore 😞😞
the.draco.malfoy she's gonna kill you 😊
mattheo.riddle just wait till I go to my photos
ur.username dont you dare
mattheo.riddle just you wait
ur.username i will kill you with my own cold hands
mattheo.riddle impossible bc ur hands are weirdly warm
mattheo.riddle weirdo
ur.username 🔪🔪🔪
pansys.panties im lovinnnn this
pansys.panties thank you god 🙏🏼🙏🏼
pansys.panties i knew my prayers were heard
user.10 funniest shit all year
user.11 love my new pfp
user.12 why does he still look good??
Tom.Riddle lies.
Tom.Riddle he never does.
mattheo.riddle
liked by enzo.berkshire, blaise.zabini and 56.873 others
mattheo.riddle SHE ESCAPED OFFICER!!
tagged ur.username
ur.username 2nd pic is aura
enzo.berkshire you'll NEVER be spiderman
ur.username the way I still look good
mattheo.riddle lies!!!
mattheo.riddle all these lies help
ur.username nah you dont get it
ur.username im servingg
mattheo.riddle serving psych ward
ur.username 🙄🙄
ur.username u wish u could be as insane
ur.username SPIDERMAN SPIDERMAN DOES WHATEVER A SPIDER CAN SPINS A WEB ANY SIZE CATCHES BAD GUYS JUST LIKE MICE LOOK OUT HER COMES THE SPIDERMAN
mattheo.riddle lock her back in 😔😔
mattheo.riddle we've got to chain her or som
blaise.zabini is that my washing mashine??
ur.username upsi daisy
pansys.panties it's getting even better
theooo.nott wtf is wrong with these mfs
user.13 shes so real
user.14 they're so chaotic
pansys.panties
liked by ur.username, mattheo.riddle and 76.927 others
pansys.panties truce?
tagged ur.username and mattheo.riddle
comments disabled
part 2?
#writing#x reader#harry potter#slytherin x reader#slytherin#slytherin boys#slytherin boys x reader#slytherin boys x you#slytherin boys imagine#slytherin boys headcanons#mattheo riddle#mattheo x reader#mattheo x you#mattheoxreader#mattheo x y/n#mattheo fluff#mattheo riddle x reader
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"He laughs at all my jokes / and he says I'm so American"
Zak O'Sullivan x driver!reader
SMAU
Logans grid kid might be more patriotic than him. Reader is an American menace to the f2 grid, her bf included, who uses Oliva Rodrigo to cope (and Kimi has been demoted to f3 and Olivias release schedule for Guts is wrong). Based on this prema video
there is a criminally low amount of fics about this man
ynln
liked by zak.osullivan, kimi.antonelli, olliebearman, and 892,293 others
ynln totally sleighed it
tagged sister_username
dinobeganovic girl you slayed that house
ynln SLAY 💅
dinobeganovic slay 😵🔪
ynln oh
olliebearman mate what is that third picture? The dirt??
ynln chief I live in the southern US we dont get snow here
olliebearman what a sad winter
sister_username we ate the first pic up
ynln its a christmas miracle, my sister being the only one who's nice to me
zak.osullivan cant wait for you to see a REAL winter wonderland
ynln id take my dirt covered ground over your royal snow anyway 💪🇺🇸
zak.osullivan says the girl who flys out the 28th
user1 "were you silent or silenced" @/ynln
ynln gagged to silence ✋😔
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ynln posted 2 stories!
caption: (1) thoughts and prayers as I head into enemy territory (2) 🇺🇸→🇬🇧
replies
zak.osullivan
oh fuck off
haha
I can hear your gremlin cackle from here
heyyyy you're supposed to love me
I do
I love you and all your gremlin traits
im blocking you and visiting Harry Styles instead
like he would take you in
rude
anyway please call me when you land, I'll be waiting to pick you up anyway
but just in case
ofc baby
get some rest
I love you ❤️
I love you too❤️
ynln
liked by user4, prema_team, olliebearman, and 891,923 others
ynln theres snow-where better than this
tagged zak.osullivan
Logansargent beer in the snow 10/10
Ynln thank you thank you
Olliebearman “I’d take my dirt covered ground over your Royal snow any day” you sure girlie??
Zak.osullivan she’s been swayed
ynln I’m just a girl
Zak.osullivan my snow angel ❤️❤️
ynln ily 🤭🤭
Kimi.antonelli snow angels?? Are you 5
Zak.osullivan our entire yard was filled by her alone
Ynln excuse me, I’m enjoying my youth and I will grow into a happy adult with no regrets
sister_username nice to see you’re having fun without me
Ynln get a hot European bf then we’ll talk
user1 stop I love this
user2 if Y/nZak has no fans I’m dead
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zak.osullivan
liked by Ynln, user43, user32, and 828,992 others
zak.osullivan "I want your midnights"
tagged: ynln
artgp_offical new year, new us!!
ynln "but ill be cleaning up bottles with you on New Years Day" ❤️
Zak.osullivan ❤️
Ynln HOT DAYUM
ynln boy do i know how to take a photo 🥵
Ynln I can cook and clean
zak.osullivan no you can’t
Ynln I can bark
Zak.osullivan please don’t I believe you
user1 Y/n is a prime example of the duality of man
user2 she said what were all thinking
user3 this is so Y/n coded
user4 oh he def had help with this post
user5 thank you Y/n for the middle pic
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ynln posted 2 stories!
caption: (1) 🎶 New Years Day by Taylor Swift (2) New year, minimal headache
Replies
Zak.osullivan
Well hello
Didn’t expect to see my abs and underwear on your public story but here we are
let me show the people what they lost
How about you celebrate that win instead of dm-ing while laying next to me
sister_username
now I have to bleach my eyes
what better way to start the new year than with new vision
could've still done without your bf's stomach but ok
you'll live 😘😘
ynln
liked by user1, paularon_, user43, and 918,929 others
ynln shes back and ready to show these Europeans how its done
tagged no one
user1 QUEEN 🇺🇸🦅💪
Ynln “salute to me I’m your American queen” T.S
Kimi.antonelli nope
Olliebeaman absolutely not
Zak.osullivan keep dreaming babe
paularon_ id rather die
dinobeganovic I’ll crash myself into the barriers instead thank you
user1 ummm hello???? I didn’t mean to assemble the avengers💀
logansargent f2 grid menace is back 👏👏👏
Ynln gotta show them a good ole ‘merican time
user2 making that smoothie recipe rn
User3 omg update me on how it is!!
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zak.osullivan posted a story!
caption: I was bamboozled into matching
Replies
dinobeganovic
“Bamboozled” sure
Stfu 🙄
Ynln
I can’t believe you put up with it
rest assured I’ll be checking what’s under your sweatshirt from now on
Oh😏
No
I’m blocking you
f2_updates
liked by user3, user8, user32, and 819,929 others
f2_updates: Y/n L/n has won the first grand prix of the season!! Did you enjoy her victory radio as much as we did??
Tagged: no one
User1 PLEASE SHES SO PAINFULLY AMERICAN
user2 never a doubt she’s Logan’s grid kid
user3 at this point I think dating a Brit just eggs her on
User4 not the tik tok audio 💀💀
user5 her engineer is so done with her
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ynln
liked by paularon_, ollliebearman, user82, and 918,929 others
ynln first race back and WE GOT THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER PLAYING! Lets see if we can keep it going 🇺🇸🦅🎆
tagged prema_team
Prema_team perfect season start 🤩🤩
Logansargent OH SAY CAN YOU SEE
Ynln BY THE DAWN’S EARLY LIGHT
Logansargent you were great! Definitely a race to be proud of
Ynln thank you Lo!!!
Zak.Sullivan I’m proud of you love
Ynln ❤️❤️
user1 what is that last photo 💀
Ynln me dramatically blaring Dolly Parton
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Time skip-- a few races
zak.osullivan
liked by ynln, artgp_offical, user3, and 918,929 others
zak.osullivan MONACOOO COME ON 🏆🏆🏆
tagged artgp_offical
Ynln YESSSS SIR
olliebeaman you’ve never sounded more American
Dinobeganovic put this girl in a frat
Logansargent I have to agree…
ynln my own grid dad betrayed me
Ynln THATS HOW WE DO IT
ynln 15 to first??? YOU MAD MAN
Williamsracing we agree 👏👏
User1 get this man in f1
User2 id love to see it
ynln I LOVE YOU❤️❤️❤️❤️
Zak.osullivan I LOVE YOU TOO ❤️❤️❤️❤️
olliebearman congrats man!
dinobeganovic impressive race
paularon_ it was nice to share a podium
Logansargent calm down before you take my seat
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ynln
liked by sister_username, prema_team, user8, and 918,927 others
ynln MCDREAMY oops I mean ZAK GOT P1 IN MONACO!!!! I AM SO SO PROUD OF YOU!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH (oh and I got p4 yadda yadda…)
tagged: zak.osullivan, prema_team
Zak.osullivan even in my time of victory I lose to Shepard 😔😔
ynln someone had to keep me entertained while I waited for all your media to be done 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
Zak.osullivan thank you for all your support!! You raced a wondeful race, congrats on p4
Ynln I love you (but your race was better no need for a pitty congrats)
sister_username congrats Zak!! The Y/n family was cheering you on
ynln this L/n was also cheering you on!!
user2 I love that Y/n and her family were pulling for Zak more than Y/n 💀
user1 ugh we love a supportive gf
User2 God its me again🙏🙏
User3 when is it my turn
Load more
ynln
liked by Oliviarodrigo, liakblock, elvirahallqvist, and 918,928 others
ynln Happy Guts release to those who celebrate! "All American Bitch" will be my personality from this moment forward
tagged: lettiemng, elvirahallqvist, hamdaalqubaisi_offical, liakblock
olivarodrigo wrote it just for you 🫶💜💜
ynln screaming crying throwing up I love you so much
olivarodrigo i literally love you!! My fav driver
user1 girlie just barley made the teenage cut
ynln 19 is still a teen ☝️🤓
paularon_ as if you needed any more reason to be more American
user2 omg this was a group I didn’t know I needed
user4 it seems so random but I love
user3 please give us content🙏🙏🙏
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ynln
liked by Zak.osullivan, user1, user3, and 918,829 others
ynln traveling the world with my world 🇪🇸
tagged Zak.osullivan
Olliebearman boo 🍅🍅🍅
Kimi.antonelli 🧀🧀🧀
ynln i can never win with yall
Olliebearman yall 🤠🤠
ynln get out of my comment section
Zak.osullivan I love you
ynln are you sure?? You said no to taking the cat
user1 “my world” I’m crying
user2 as much as i love American menace Y/n i LOVE soft y/n
user3 omg did you name the cat??
ynln ummmm of course, it’s Brick
user3 idk what i expected
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zak.osullivan
liked ynln, dinobeganovic, user43, and 918,892 others
zak.osullivan adventure buddies for life 🤝🤝
tagged ynln
ynln deal 🤝
user1 i love that they both posted a solo pic of the other
user5 top tier photography on both ends
user2 the middle pic 😭😭😭
user4 oh to be looked at the way either of them look at the other
user3 those olives looks good as hell
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ynln posted 2 stories!
Captions: (1) for the record I am NOT happy to be in Silverstone on 4th of July weekend (2) OLIVA YOU HAVE TURNED MY WEEK AROUND
replies
olliebearman
oh no
oh yes
and I thought the 4th was proper punishment for all your terrorizing
queen liv said no💜✨
call it good karma
GOOD KARMA FROM WHAT??
Elvirahallqvrst
im so excited
Me too!! I'm sad we won't get a listening party again
same 😭
hamdaalqubaisi_offical
my pre-race playlist just keeps getting better 😌
fr!!
zak.osullivan
liked by ynln, prema_teams, user4, and 923,029
zak.osullivan best way to end a home race?? his and hers 1-2
tagged: artgp_offical, ynln, prema_team
artgp_offical we agree!!
prema_team couldn't have said it better ourselves
olliebearman id rank that at bloody brilliant 👏🍾
user1 y'all live for a Ferrari 1-2, I live for a ZakY/n 1-2
user2 the "his and hers" has me crying
user3 strong race!! I hope you plenty of family and friends cheering you one
ynln what a race!! I was so nervous you'd overtake me in those last laps
zak.osullivan believe me I tried, if you weren't so damn good at defense
ynln 🤭😘
user4 I know she was just messing around for practice but Y/n looks so good in that blue suit
user5 the best part was she wore that to celebrate Zak's home gp
user4 stop thats so cute
user6 I agree she looks beautiful
user7 prema retire the red rn
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ynln
liked by olliebearman, user54, liakblock, and 928,924 others
ynln what better way to celebrate 4th of July than forcing the US national anthem to be played (I love you Zak and im so proud but Brits gotta know their place)
tagged: zak.osullivan, prema_team, artgp_offical
user1 I still cant believe she wore that sweatshirt around Silverstone
user2 see I want to be surprised but honestly im not
logansargent ultimate checkmake! You've made me proud kid
ynln ss this and hang it in the Louve 🥹
zak.osullivan you are incredible!! I'm proud to call you mine
ynln even when you lose
zak.osullivan fuck that im blocking you
olliebearman I despise everything you do
ynln screw me then for getting team points (and congratulating you on p3)
olliebearman the boys dont fw americans
ynln one of your boys fucks an american
olliebearman OK NOW WHERE DID THE PR TRAINING GO???
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ynln posted a story!
caption: My new national anthem has dropped!! 🎶 So American by Oliva Rodrigo
replies
zak.osullivan
did we finally find our song??
I think we did babe
dinobeganovic
am I gonna have to see you and Zak be all gushy to this song
🤷♀️🤷♀️
liakblock
its been on repeat
oh my spotify wrapped is messed up
zak.osullivan
liked by ynln, zak.osullivan, user43, and 923,923 others
zak.osullivan you're just so American
tagged: ynln
ynln screaming crying throwing up
ynln I didnt even ask you to do this
ynln I love you so much
zak.osullivan I love you (and your entire range of emotions)
olliebearman mission success?
zak.osullivan mission success.
ynln wot
user1 the Olivia quote???
user2 I think she knew deep down it was never her and Louis's song
user3 omg imagine Y/n and Zak dancing with Louis at an Oliva concert
user4 Y/n would die happy
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ynln
liked by sister_username, user4, user1, and 928,382 others
ynln "he's like a poem I wish I wrote"
tagged: zak.osullivan
user1 omg the 1D phone booth
Ynln I had to make my pilgrimage
Olliebearman glad to see you’re embracing real culture
Ynln a drink cup full of canes sauce IS real culture
user2 stfu I wasn’t prepared to a domestic ass today but where we are
user3 might sleep in traffic fr fr
sister_username if y'all dont get married I will kms
user4 same girl
user5 we got a L/n on our side
ynln oh hello to you too
zak.osullivan no pressure ig
#f1 imagines#f1#f2#formula 2#f2 x reader#formula 2 imagine#formula 2 x reader#formula 2 smau#zak o'sullivan x reader#zak o'sullivan#zak o'sullivan smau#zak o'sullivan fic#zak o'sullivan imagine#zak o'sullivan fluff
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not good enough | charles leclerc social media au
paring: charles leclerc x reader
charles' girlfriend gets a lot of hate online and he usually stays out it because she knows how to handle it...but sometimes people just need a little reminder that they're in love
asian faceclaim: christina nadin - british/filipino influencer
yourusername
liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly and 26,522 others
yourusername 'come to paris' charles said, 'it'll be fun' mate it literally smells like ass and i dont speak french
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charles_leclerc i've been translating everything for you, you're fine
pierregasly should have visited milan instead
charles_leclerc are you hitting on my girlfriend
pierregasly milan is simply better than paris
yourusername we're going to milan next time
hamiltyres shes so real for this
lightsouthannah she complains about everything why does charles put up with her
55carlando4 are they there for paris fashion week??
charles_leclerc added to their story
yourusername
liked by charles_leclerc, noviaelegante and 43,159 others
yourusername day 2
view all 315 comments
pierregasly how did charles convince you to leave the hotel?
yourusername he told me i wouldn't have to stay for the fashion show
yourusername he lied
charles_leclerc 🙄🙄🙄
noviaelegante love the fit😍 check your dm's girly!
hammilstop is it just me or does y/n seen ungrateful?
jemmaf1 yeah i was thinking the same thing
charles_leclerc
liked by yourusername, scuderiaferrari and 412,110 others
charles_leclerc Celine Homme 2023🖤 Merci celine
view all 1,382 comments
yourusername pretty
charles_leclerc you should have came with
yourusername i had nothing to wear
charles_leclerc thats a horrible excuse
scuderiaferrari 😍😍😍😍
luvfrom63 i dont understand why y/n goes to paris with charles but then refuses to attend the shows
yourusername added to their story
yourusername
liked by charles_leclerc, noviaelegante and 31,121 others
tagged: noviaelegante
yourusername a sustainable fashion show that promotes empowering women living in recovering nations? sign me up
view all 210 comments
noviaelegante so happy to have you attend🖤
charles_leclerc you should have modelled one of them
yourusername im not putting on a wedding dress until you give me a reason to
pierregasly when are you walking down the aisle?
yourusername when someone puts a rock on my finger
pierregasly is this an open invitation?
charles_leclerc mate dont even think about proposing to my girl
channyinthepaddock THATS what she wore to the show? girl💀
kaleyschumacher its a no from me
lewisfanclub im sorry are we not going to talk about pierre's comments????????
charles_leclerc
liked by yourusername, pierregasly and 297,192 others
charles_leclerc The man!! doni.nahmias
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yourusername sorry i missed your show doni.nahmias ❤️❤️
doni.nahmias the drinks are on your tab tonight
yourusername thats fair
caraf1fan charles slays at another fashion show and y/n can't even bother to attend and support her friend? what is wrong with her
mickysunshine y/n do better💀💀
yourusername added to their story
yourusername added to their story
yourusername
liked by pierregasly, charles_leclerc and 37,612 others
yourusername these pictures were taken within 45 minutes of each other
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charles_leclerc beautiful in both 🖤
pierregasly so she does know how to dress up
yourusername its our last night in paris i figured i'd put in some effort
hannahsformula idk i still think charles can do better than her
vivvverstappen nah her and charles are a power couple and anyone who says otherwise is so so wrong
luvforlance but why hasn't charles said anything about what shes been dealing with online 💀 he defends her the same way justin bieber defends hailey
yourusername im a big girl i can handle myself
charles_leclerc
liked by yourusername, scuderiaferrari and 417,923 others
charles_leclerc thank you dior for helping me end Paris Fashion Week in style
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dior 🖤😍
yourusername hot
liked by charles_leclerc
mickandkmags forever wondering how y/n managed to pull charles when he looks like that and she wears jumpers and sweats 99% of the time
yourusername he loves my personality
pierregasly yeah sure thats it
charles_leclerc added to their story
yourusername
liked by charles_leclerc, scuderiaferrari and 11,619 others
yourusername prettier than paris if you ask me
comments on this post are limited
charles_leclerc i agree
pierregasly not as pretty as milan
charles_leclerc will you please shut up about milan
pierregasly added to their story
yourusername added to their story
yourusername
liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly and 57,124 others
yourusername sorry, i thought a bitch on twitter said something
comments on this post are limited
charles_leclerc oh my
pierregasly oh my x2
landonorris people should piss you off more often
danielricciardo shes a keeper charlesleclerc
charlesleclerc trust me i know
charles_leclerc
liked by yourusername, paddockgf and 412,401 others
tagged: yourusername
charles_leclerc ma chérie
view all 7,134 comments
yourusername but am i hot enough for you?
charles_leclerc i like your personality
yourusername good answer
pierregasly 😧😧😧
yourusername close your eyes pierre
yellowhaas charles really said 'shes all mine'
hamiltvvn but can he fight
f1fanclubs for so long people have been saying she doesnt deserve him...besties...i think its the other way around
liked by charles_leclerc
this felt like a rushed ending but oh well
masterlist here
#charles leclerc social media au#charles leclerc instagram au#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc#formula 1#formula 1 x you#f1 social media au#f1 requests#f1 one shot#f1#f1 instagram au
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Comforting reader struggling with body image ft. Choi Seung Cheol
Warning: Mention of body image, weight, bad relationship with food
Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Idol Cheol, Non idol reader, Mention of kissing
*♡✧*。*♡✧*。*♡✧*。*♡✧*。*♡✧*。*♡✧*。
Cheol has been away on tour and you've been having a bad few weeks, even worse when a friend saw a picture of you and the boys and casually mentioned how Jeonghan looks skinnier than you.
You've been talking to Cheol on calls but he hadn't noticed cause you really were always so happy when he called.
Out of curiosity for your extra jolly mood Cheol asks "so how's work it must be very hectic rn ik this is a busy week for you?" and for a few seconds he can see your smile drop but then you're lying saying "yeah it's fine" and then changing the conversation to his tour when one of the guys join in on the conversation, you tell Cheol how happy you are that in 3 days (Saturday), he'll be free and will be able to finally rest and meet his family back in Korea and you guys end the call.
Later that evening you get food delivered to your house and you know cheol sent it and you know it's nice but you just get so upset and so angry cause you don't wanna eat and yk cheol knows about your struggles with food so your mind does a full 360 and you get angry on him, why would he send you food?!
As you're getting angry he calls you and he's all gentle and not smiling widely like he does (he knows) 🍒- hey babe did you get something delivered i thought with your schedule you might not get time to cook and eat *as* you'd like to.
You don't even let him finish and you're just getting so mad at him you're like wtf i dont wanna eat you just dont get it i dont wanna get fat or oh do you want me to get fat so you can leave me and justify it you're so mean you're literally around jeonghan all day do you KNOW how it feels to be bigger than a grown man?!
And by this time you can't see his face and the guilt is kinda sinking in but you're more upset so you're still getting angry going off on him "why don't you just cut the call if you don't wanna talk?"
But you hear the door unlock and jump in your place (you're on the couch in the living room) he's dragging his luggage inside with his back to you and as he turns around he's got something in his hands, beer? and something else too MORE FOOD? this fcking dude!
you don't bother talking to him just go and lie down on your bed with your face buried in the pillow, minutes later you feel his warmth as his arm slides on your waist trying to turn you around but you don't
🍒 You know i can turn you around all by myself right?
🌷You probably can't I'm too heavy for you
His arms leave your waist and in that moment you want to scream thinking he really pulled away agreeing that you're too heavy for him, tears have already made their way from your eyes to the pillow, within seconds you feel his arm again, this time both of them as he not only turns you to his side but spoons you and lifts you up bridal style in his arms
🍒I can lift you, and I can very easily take you to the couch where you and i are going to have a little talk
For the first time since he's arrived you notice how his blonde hair has started fading and he's wearing the diamond studs you got him for new year's.
He starts laying out some of the food from earlier and you sit there watching him calculating how much can you eat that is enough to get away without him noticing
🍒i can hear you calculating the cals from here
🌷well maybe if i did it more i would be skinny and skinnier than hannie
he doesn't say anything but takes out some and eats it before offering the same for you to bite and you refuse, he does it thrice before you start crying making him stop in his tracks, he extends his arms for you and gets you seated on his lap sideways caressing your back as you cry silently.
🌷- why can't i just be skinny then this would be so easy and so nice that my boyfriend's getting me food when in busy but im just fat and im so big im bigger than hannie probably jun too and hao and someday I'll be bigger than you.
Your crying doesn't stop and cheol let's you cry and say what you won't on most days.
His hands pull you in fron of him, face to face with your legs straddling him. Whispers of 'Its okay' follow his hands as he wipes your tears and plants a forehead kiss.
🍒 it's okay to be upset about whatever's bothering yoy okay baby? it's okay to cry. I love you, you know that right?
You nod your head not saying anything.
🍒 good. i love you and I'll always love you, no matter how many times you get mad at me. i love you because you're such a good person, you're kind, you're talented and you're so sweet to everyone, but you're also so pretty the prettiest my baby, cheol says caressing your head slowly and with a sincere smile on his face.
🍒 i am not going to stop you from wanting to change something about yourself but im here to provide you support so you can ask yourself if you're doing it out of love or out of spite.
You want to continue coming to the gym with me , I'm happy to have you there, I always love having you around, but you should do that to find out what about the gyn you like yk? What machines you like what exercise makes you want to never go there anything that makes you excited, we can't beat ourselves up to get results we're seeking out of spite.
🍒 look at ne baby please? i know you struggle with this and it's okay, I'm here to support you and help you feel better but i also can't lie to you right? You're not bigger than hannie my love
🌷 but my friend looked at our picture from the trip and said that
🍒WHO TF IS-
🍒no babe, remember you were getting cold so i got you a longer puffer jacket to wear over yours? remember mingoo even joked how he wants to build muscles like how you looked in that jacket? the boys even joked how you looked tinier in it.
i love you baby and that means im gonna say it and show it even on days you don't wanna hear "i love you beyond what you look like" and as a matter of fact I love how you look, you're so pretty and so hot, everyone's always so jealous of me.
🌷 now you're just lying
Cheol pulls out his phone shows you the chat between him and his friends from school (who also accompanied you on the trip) of them saying how he's got not only such a pretty 'catch' of a girl but she's also very considerate.
🍒now would you tell me what triggered all this? i know with how much progress my baby has made it takes a big thing to make you so upset towards food.
you tell me what's bothering you right here and I'll feed you yum foods, okay? You can do that? Cheol asks tucking your hair behind your ear and caressing your cheek
🌷hmm okay but-
🍒little bites and slowly, i know
you smile as he pecks your lips and starts getting half a spoon of what you can guess is your fav friend rice combo from that chinese restaurant you both love.
Cheol feeds you little bites as you tell him how you've been having a bad week and the dry cleaning place switched up your suit so it was too tight and the very same day your friend made that comment, which, as you were telling him, you realised was really her saying how all the jackets made you look so big when you're the tiniest in the group.
Cheol told you stories of the tour and about all the times he missed you, you apologised for not greeting him nicely when he flew in way earlier to see you and he said you could make it up to him with lots of kisses, ah you really loved this man so much.
*♡✧*。*♡✧*。*♡✧*。*♡✧*。*♡✧*。*♡✧*。
i hope this gives you comfort when you're feeling low.
i hope you know you're loved.
#idk what this is#cheolcore#love language#feedingyoufood#cheolfic#scoups seventeen#scoups scenarios#choi seungcheol#scoups comforting reader struggling with body image#scoups fluff#seventeen x reader#seventeen imagine#svt x reader#svt imagine#seventeen x you#svt x you#s coups x reader#s coups x you#seungcheol x reader#seungcheol x you#choi seungcheol x reader#choi seungcheol x you
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Happy 1st Birthday Jangles!!
This post was originally going to be a humongous comic filled with lore, goofs, and even a bit of angst? 👀 And then have a funny/wholesome ending. Just like Bibi’s birthday comic.
But.. I ran into a problem. I didn’t know what to get for Jangles.
For Bibi’s present it was obvious what to get him. He wanted a real friend. Bringing Jangles to life was perfect and really tied the whole comic together.
But Jangles? What does he want?
I wracked my brain for days. And when I finally thought of an idea? I only had 8 days left to make it happen. Sketch the comic out on paper, sketch it again in digital, line it, color it, backgrounds, dialogue.. I also had to make the actual present so that its picture could be used in the comic. All while having a very busy schedule for this week AND while working on Moon Malfunction..
I thought I could pull it off. So I got to sketching right away.
The comic would start with me in a big black blob. Locking myself away to try and get this project done as fast as possible. You know, like a total drama queen XD
Bibi and Jangles break in, and Bibi tries to talk to me but I ignore him. Meanwhile Jangles goes over to this goopy present by the wall. The present has a tag with Jangles name on it. As he goes to open it I do a spoopy jump scare and tell him not to. Jangles and I then proceed to go back and fourth. “Why not?” Because its not good enough yet. “I’m sure its fine, what is it? What’s it for?” I cant tell you what its for because its not that day yet. “What is that day? And why cant we know about it?” “BECAUSE, its a S E C R E T-”
Bibi then says I need a break. I tell him I cant because I’m running out of time. I tell him that it needs to be posted on a specific day and that it has to be perfect but I don’t know what to do..
Jangles then deadpans “Its my birthday isn’t it?”
“...Yes. It is.”
“Okay? So what? I get wanting to post it on the day. But why all this pressure for the perfect gift?”
I explain that Bibi got a big special comic for his birthday. It had all the bells and whistles and it had the perfect gift. Jangles. And I wanted to do the same for him. I explained that the problem though was I haven’t really written enough of Jangles character to know what he would want.. I then wrote for Jangles response to be,
“Well what I dont want is you stressing yourself out over me.”
..I stopped sketching the comic at that point. I realized that I was stressing myself out way too much over this comic. It was 1 in the morning at that point. I was already pushing myself so hard to get this done on time and make it perfect that all the fun was just zapped right out of it.
But I still worried a bit. I care about Jangles as my character and I wanted to do something cool for him. I wanted to post this at midnight on the dot, but that would require me to stay up until then when I’m still wiped out from the day before.. I also still wanted to get him a cool present.. But again I figured Jangles wouldn’t want me to stress over this “big comic” and “special gift” stuff. So I just settled for a break.
This entire post was prepared early, and posted when ever I was awake enough to post it. All the days beforehand I spent just taking my time with Moon Malfunction and focusing on my schedule. And on the day I’m posting it, I plan to draw nothing. Just relax and take a break from everything. I’ll get back around to all my projects tomorrow.
I think a post with minimal effort and day of no Tumblr, is probably exactly what Jangles would have wanted. So Happy Birthday Jangles! And thanks for the day off! XD
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two ibuprofen
jean kirschtein x gn!reader / oneshot / wc: 7.3k
part 1 of rose tinted hours
⋅ ⋆ ─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────── ⋅ ⋆
Sunday morning. What's the best way to spend a Sunday morning?
Craned over the plaguefest of the guy I'm dating-not-dating, trying to shove two ibuprofen down his throat?
(It works the second time.)
⋅ ⋆ ─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────── ⋅ ⋆
ao3 tags:
ok here we go / Alternate Universe - College/University / Sickfic / Sick Character / Fluff / Kissing / Alternate Universe - Modern Setting / Texting / Vomiting / Not at the same time / Winter / gender neutral reader / i dont know how to make tea / mentions of sanrio / mentions of bagged milk / slight angst? i guess? if you squint? / reiner texts like a boomer and im sorry / POV First Person / Present Tense
i live in a special part of canada so excuse the bagged milk. (just kidding bagged is better)
reader is gn! if anything seems off please lmk. (do that if the text names are confusing too!)
⋅ ⋆ ─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────── ⋅ ⋆
Bzzz.
The darkness and warm comfort of sleep cracks as my eyes peel open to the vibration of my phone. My blurry wall is bathed in orange light and the cold draft coming in from the open window carries the swoons and trills of birdsong. Pretty…
Holy shit I have class I’ll be late—
With effort, I blink until the shapes around me become clean and defined. Am I late? Sunlight on the ruffles of my quilt like a Renaissance painting. Coats and bags hanging from the hooks on the back of my bedroom door. Clothes from the night before, still on the ground from when I dropped them there, dead-tired. My phone buzzes again, causing an internal jolt that spurs me to snatch it off the nightstand and expel the charger in one swift movement.
mr. handsome: emergency alert! 🚨 alert! god-level threat!
mr. handsome: One image attachment
Oh, it’s a message from Connie.
Oh, it’s 8:19 AM.
Oh, it’s a Sunday.
The glowing numbers on the screen indicate the next minute and I toss the phone somewhere on the bed before re-curling myself into my nice warm quilt in this nice cool morning. Sorry, Connie, the grocery run to 7-11 for more sushi will have to be done by someone else. This is probably the happiest I’ll be all day, provided I stay sleepy enough not to feel guilty for doing nothing. The world goes black.
Bzzz.
This time, my eyes peel open on their own.
Fine, Connie, you win.
Trying to ignore the bitter taste of morning in my mouth, I grope for my phone and lift it above my head.
sashacado: BAHAHAH GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ONE BALDY
Another message pops up.
mr. handsome (replying to @/sashacado): 🖕
mikachu: you need to get out of there, connie. like rn.
lainah: Run while you still can! LOL! 🤣
Although the last text pains me on a metaphysical scale, I open up the groupchat. It’s getting fishy now: first of all, Connie’s never up this early, least of all on a weekend; secondly, he said ‘god level threat’ (which is apparently the worst level of threat), and third, Mikasa rarely speaks in the groupchat. Sure, she lurks, but she only ever emerges when something big is happening.
Some more people are active now and I have to scroll up to find Connie’s image.
Oh.
Oh, no.
Blurry and off-centre as the picture might be, it clearly depicts the ugliest green-and-white striped couch I ever laid my eyes on (“It’s an antique!” Connie had argued) that belongs to Connie and Jean’s shared dorm in which the latter of the two is curled up in (yet he still scrapes the armrests with the top of his head and toes). Littering the stained carpet around him — they prefer eating on the couch than on an actual table, so spills are inevitable — are wads of crumpled-up tissues. To really top it off is the Cars blanket that Jean won at a festival that’s seemingly in the process of being violently torn from his form, clinging to the armrest closest to the camera and pulling beyond. A message banner pops down from the top of the screen.
jean: i’m fine. and give me my fucking blanket back. i can hear you giggling from your bedroom. connie.
grammar police: connie give his blanket back
lainah: Haha!
grammar police: i swear things like this only happen when I’m gone
Right, Marco usually goes home for the weekends.
ymi: Lmfao that thing prolly gave you a disease in the first place
ymi: Have u even washed it once
mr. handsome: cut the ccrap Ymir we wash it more than you wash ur hair
sashacado: LMAOOO
ymi: At least I have hair
sashacado: AGAHAHH CONNIE
grammar police: you guys
grammar police: missing the point here
mr. handsome (replying to @/ymi): and its sad cuz mine is still better than youres
mr. handsome: like girl tf is up with the shaved sides
mr handsome: jojo siwa looking ass
sashacado: LMAOOOOO CONNIE EAT HER UP
Smiling, I return to the main chat screen.
ymi: Count your fucking days springer
ymi: At least I still have a girl
grammar police (replying to @/mr. handsome): ^yours
mr. handsome: ok nerd
grammar police: I’m taking away your Netflix
mr. handsome: I sincerely apoligize for my words.
grammar police: it’s the effort I guess
grammar police: back to Jean though
jean: i told u im prrfectly fine. just give ne back my blanket i’ll sleep it off
grammar police: do I need to come back to campus for the weekend?
mikachu: im stopping by the store. can grab some medicine
jean: ffs IM FINE GIVE ME MY BLANKET CONNIE OR IM TELLING THEM ABOUT THE GRATER THING
grammar police: Jean you need some medicine at least. I heard there’s a nasty flu going around and you’d be the type of person to catch it
grammar police: did you call your mom? I can call her if you want
jean: IM
jean: FINE
jean (replying to @/grammar police): DO NOT DO THAT
Poor Jean. He doesn’t have anyone to take care of him. Connie’s a mild germaphobe, believe it or not, at least when it comes to sickness (he nearly went crazy during Covid) and is probably keeping a safe distance from his roommate. And it’s not like any of his other friends are willing (or able) to help out, with Marco out of town. He doesn’t have any siblings here; the closest relative he has might be his mother all the way back in Trost. Not even a significant other.
Well. I mean.
There’s me.
But we’re technically not dating. Not yet. We’re still trying to figure things out — hell, I don’t even know if he likes me back.
Well, okay, there was that time we kissed. But it’s just a kiss. And it was an end-of the year party, and everyone was feeling it. And it’s January now and we haven’t done it again so it’s nothing. It’s nothing!
But that doesn’t stop the guilt from gnawing at my foundations like a tiny, evil beaver.
Wow. So you’re willing to let a guy suffer just because you’re unsure? Now that’s selfish. While you’re sitting here muttering to yourself he’s probably burning with fever and wishing he were dead. Real classy.
Shut the fuck up, beaver. It’s weird to just barge into someone’s house like that. And we don’t know each other that well.
You’ve known each other for a long time. He’s sick. At least take care of him. You don’t need to be his lover or whatever. Just be a good friend, huh?
I guess…
And you know Connie, too, don’t you? You’ll be doing him a big favour by getting this plaguefest out of his living room. He needs to finish off Breaking Bad so he can look at the memes without being spoiled. You’re not helping dear old Connie out, either.
Fuck, you do have a point.
Besides, everyone knows what happened between you and Jean at the Christmas party. They’re probably waiting on you to—
With great effort I manage to unfocus my eyes to see if anyone mentioned me but Connie and Jean have devolved into another stupid somewhat one-sided argument. So they aren’t saying anything outright. But they’re probably thinking it.
They’re definitely thinking it.
Okay, that’s enough from you.
I swipe off the groupchat to see all of my chats and open up my DM with Jean — right near the top — and start typing.
me: hey. sorry if this is weird, but i wanted to check on you bc ur really sick apparently
No, that won’t do. I purge the message.
me: hey fuckass. did you go out without a coat again? do i need to come and take care of
No, not that, either. Hopefully he isn’t looking at our messages or else he’d see me typing like an idiot. I tap the side of my phone as I think, stringing together ideas and words and different ways he could perceive me based on how I put them together.
I go back to the main groupchat.
me: @/jean @/mr. handsome im coming over. be there in 15
me: also @/mikachu could you pick up some lozenges and cough syrup? ty i’ll pay u back <3
I zone out at the screen until someone starts typing and throw the phone down on the bed again before scanning the ground for something wearable. Goodbye, sweet air and Renaissance scene and birdsong. After assembling myself and brushing my teeth, I check the mirror attached to the back of the shared bathroom door that Sasha decorated with some Sanrio stickers from Amazon. She had a phase.
Matching socks, jeans, campus sweatshirt, T-shirt underneath big enough to splay out underneath like a fan. Hair a mess. Face a mess. Good enough. It’s not like Jean will look much better. It’s not like I care that much about how I look around him.
I pull the door aside and collect my belongings — phone, bag, coat — before whisking through the door, full sail for Connie’s res building. I hit the stairwell running.
Do I know how to take care of sick people? I mean, more or less. It’ll be fine. All you have to do is feed them and make sure they don’t puke all over themselves. Right?
On the way I stop by one of the cafeteria atriums, one of the smaller ones I frequent for its souped-up coffee counter with every additive known to man. I scan the containers on the counter — milk, cream, nutmeg — until I find the packets of honey and shove one into my bag while trying not to look guilty to the few people that dot the room. I more than paid for it just by attending.
Now on the main floor by the parking lot, I struggle to untangle my keys from the mess in my bag and, without looking, push the unlock for my car. It beeps faithfully in the same place I left it and I hurry to the sound like a moth to flame.
It’s a smallish car that’s starting to rust near the top. I open the drivers’ door and toss my bag in the passenger seat before throwing myself in and shutting the door, shutting out the world, disturbing the rubber Kuromi keychain hanging from the rearview mirror. My breath comes out steamy. The car comes to life on the third try — best to let it warm up a bit before I go.
Inhale, exhale. I open up the groupchat.
jean: you will do no such thing
jean: @/me
mr. handsome: so THATS what it takes for u to finally visit
mr. handsome: ive been keeping it nice and clean just for u 😙
mr. handsome: until mr covid came and ruined it
mikachu (replying to @/me): dw about it babes xx
sashacado: mika get me chocolate
mikachu: maybe. driving
Mikasa and I, weirdly enough, were the first to get our full licenses. A smile pulls at my face and I duck down to look at my lap. Jean had nearly begged us to give him driving lessons, and of course, I agreed. Days of close calls, driving under the speed limit, getting honked at, constantly checking the mirrors, nearly rear-ending people at stop signs, elbows touching on the armrest…
Of course, now Jean can drive without a hitch. Maybe not good enough yet that I’d sleep while he does it, but that’s a personal thing.
I almost put my phone down before noticing I have a few more private messages.
jean: seriously you dont have to come. im fine
jean: its acc not a big deal
jean: i had colds like this before. im not ur responsibility
Something about that last line stings. I guess he’s right, technically. We’re not that close. Who am I kidding?
But I already announced to the world what I’m going to do. And I already decided on it.
me: im coming whether you like it or not. watch connie for me
When I can’t see my breath anymore I start driving.
Stohess is a big campus. And while I’m not a huge fan of carbon emissions, I’m also not a fan of 20-minute walks in blistering, dry cold (or wet cold, for that matter). Also, I don’t want to keep Jean waiting. The eco society is going to kill me.
I pull in to the all-too-familiar parking spot, the one Jean pulled into a hundred times in preparation for his driving test in his new, expensive car his parents bought him because “he was doing so good with his driving!”
He’d thanked me profusely for helping him out, which, in hindsight, was mildly out of character for a broody, arrogant guy like him.
But then again, so was kissing me at that party. Not so much the kissing part. Just the me part. And the gentle-tight way he held me, the way he looked into my eyes…
I suck in a sharp breath. But I’m doing this as a friend. Not because of whatever we might be. If Connie was the one who got sick, I’d be here, too.
Steeling my nerves, I take my bag with an iron grip and make for the dorm.
⋅ ⋆ ─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────── ⋅ ⋆
The door is already open when I arrive, propped open by a deflated volleyball. Weird. Some music that sounds like it was taken straight from Fast and Furious plays from inside. Knowing Connie, it probably is.
Nothing stirs when I open the door, but it is a pretty quiet door. The living room is right in front of me, ugly antique couch and all, but it’s completely empty. I didn’t walk into the wrong room, did I?
“Connie? Jean?” I slip off my shoes — Connie is insistent (I think shoes in the house is a crime anyway) — and creep through the dorm. “You guys?“
My voice rings through. Nothing. Peals of dread condense in my stomach and I pick up the pace, nearly barreling to a stop in front of the bathroom. I knock; first on the bathroom, then Jean’s bedroom. Connie left his door open.
“Jean? You in there?”
No response.
“I’m gonna— I’m opening the door, okay?”
And without time to think about what might be on the other side, I twist the knob and push.
Nothing. I even look behind the shower curtains.
Who even closes an empty bathroom?
Next is Jean’s room, but it’s also empty.
Where the hell are they?
I check my phone again and text the group chat.
me: @/mr. handsome @/jean where are you guys?
Waiting…
lainah: Gym
.
What.
me: are you sure.
lainah: One image attachment
Sure enough.
I should have noticed when his parking spot was empty.
me: dont let them leave. omw now
Sasha starts typing something but I throw my phone in the bag. I should have known they’d pull some bullshit like this. Well, not they. He. Something blistering and boiling threatens to spill over within me, but I take a deep breath. I’ll deal with him when I get there.
Jean’s a smart man, but not when he’s being stubborn.
⋅ ⋆ ─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────── ⋅ ⋆
The car ride, despite being short, gave me a chance to cool my nerves.
It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s fine. I grip the steering wheel in front of the gym. It’s fine. And step out.
Anytime Fitness is a strange and marvellous place full of people you might not see anywhere else. I don’t care about them. I scan the machines and see Reiner on the treadmill, and he meets my eyes a moment after. He nods in a different direction and I follow his gaze until I see the unmistakable bronze and shaved hair combination. I mouth a thank you and he smiles.
I must look completely out of place here, weaving between sweaty and half-naked bodies in my coat and jeans like I have a demon on my tail until I’m standing behind the chest press.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Connie’s saying and by the way Jean grunts it’s definitely not the first time.
“Let it go. I’m fine, and I’m going to the gym like I always do.” Jean’s voice is thick and nasal. “Buzz off.”
“Look, I already left the house with you. I can’t let you die here.”
“I said I’m fine—”
At the end of Jean’s rep, I slip the pin out of the weights. Jean nearly lunges over as the heaviness suddenly decreases.
Both look at me.
Connie looks normal. Jean is already slick with sweat, hair askew, red-nosed, with a slight wheeze lining his breath as he sits on the edge of the seat. Not normal. Not fine.
“Jean. My car. Now.” I point at Connie. “You take his back.”
A slight smile cracks his visage and that’s all I see before whipping around like an army man and making my way out.
⋅ ⋆ ─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────── ⋅ ⋆
There’s a lot of things I could be saying, but I don’t, because there’s too much. So we drive home in silence.
Now that we’re closer, I can really hear the struggle with Jean’s every breath, the occasional cough, the mucous-laced sniffs, as much as he might try to hide it. He just sits there, going on his phone, staring out the window, until:
“Pull over.”
And his eyes are closed, head tilted up, pained look on his sweat drenched-face. I move to the side of the door without question and he scrabbles for the handle — I unlock it for him — before opening the door and half-falling over as he pukes.
I pinch my lip between my teeth and look the other way as the smell hits right after. Fine my ass.
Ever since I was young, the sound of heaving has always unsettled me. Even fake gags. Like it flips a switch in my heart to induce a sudden thrill of terror as if someone horror-movie screamed. And yeah, it’s just throwing up, but I hate it.
My heart races as he unloads again and I just want to plug my ears. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I can’t sit here.
When the coast is clear I hop out and walk around the back. Jean is squatting on the pavement right before it hits the grass where his vomit lays, poking up through the stiff shoots. Though we’re outside, the smell is even worse. I try not to look at it as I hand Jean a bottle of water and set a stack of napkins I filched from Wendy’s on the passenger seat beside him.
“Thank—” he manages to croak out before pitching over again.
He’s been growing out his hair. I guess I didn’t notice it before, but now it’s long enough to get in his face in this position.
I gather the strands in my hands — soft as that day before the turn of the year — and hold them on the crown of his head as he retches.
When he’s done, I consider rolling down the windows, but decide against it.
⋅ ⋆ ─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ���────── ⋅ ⋆
Jean hardly notices when I pull in (again). Weirdly enough, his car still isn’t here — either Connie drives like a grandpa or he’s gone off somewhere.
“Jean.”
He inhales through his mouth, sucking up the new, pukey scent of my car, and opens his door with half-lidded eyes, leaning hard. It bumps against the campus van I’m parked beside and I cringe. Parked too close. He’s in no state to stand up on his own, let alone walk.
“Let me help you.”
He grunts in something like disagreement and I shut my door on him, going around the back again. Soiled napkins are shoved into the door storage and the water bottle is half-empty and crushed on the floor. Well. I offer a hand and after some hesitation he takes it, clasping my shoulder, and when I help him stand the added weight nearly crushes me. Jean is big, maybe not muscular like Reiner, but tall. Even through my coat and his too-thin sweater he radiates heat and he grunts a sickly air into my ear as he finds his footing. There’s barely enough room for the both of us between the car and the van so I shuffle us sideways, around the other side of the car and to the front. I gently lower Jean so he leans against the hood.
“Wait here.”
He doesn’t object as I shut the passenger door and lock the car before going back and offering my shoulder once again and I nearly fall over once again and we huddle together into the building. He’s never this quiet. Never so agreeable. Never so willing to take the help that’s offered to him.
This is a side of Jean I’ve never seen before. A side that I surely was never meant to see.
I swallow thickly and shuffle our bodies forward so I can push the button for the elevator. His head bumps against mine as it droops but he quickly straightens. “Sorry. Sorry.” His voice is gravelly and small, so small, as if it came from another person entirely.
I stare at the side of his face, but he’s focussed on something far away. “You’re okay, Jean.”
The elevator dings open and we go in. Seventh floor button. The door rolls shut.
Beep. Our knees buckle as the elevator accelerates and the screen above the button panel indicates that it’s going up. It usually smells of antiseptic unless it’s been raining.
Beep. The elevator’s always been slow which is why most people take the stairs instead. Connie calls it the ‘hellevator’ because he swears it almost dropped him once.
Beep. Jean’s trying to steady himself; hold himself up.
Beep. We haven’t been this close together since the party.
Beep. Jean takes an unusually large, wheezy breath and holds it. “Sorry.” His voice is hardly a rumble against my side.
“Why are you sorry?” I ask, quietly.
Beep. “For making you do this.”
Beep. The door retracts and muffled hip-hop fills the air. We walk off the hellevator and stand in front of the dorm. 704. An opaque plastic bag hangs off the handle and I take it in the same hand I hold my bag — thanks, Mikasa.
“You have your key?”
Jean grumbles and taps his pockets, pulling out a key ring. A rubber charm — Badtz-Maru, the little angry penguin — hangs from the ring. Sasha gave all of us one in her Sanrio phase. Keroppi for Connie, Charmy for Mikasa, Pompompurin for Marco, Cinamaroll for Eren, Kuromi for me. I (was forced to) help her choose.
The key retracts and Jean uses his free arm to turn the handle and shoulder the door open. He clears — tries to clear — the phlegm in his throat. “Alexa,” he gurgles. “Alexa, stop.”
The music immediately ceases and we stumble to the couch where Jean unceremoniously drops and tucks his head between the armrest and cushioned back, looking utterly uncomfortable.
“Get up, Jean.”
He sniffs.
“Come on. Bed.” I drop my bags on the coffee table. “Not couch.”
“No.”
“Connie will throw a fit. And so will I.”
“Just—” he tries clearing his throat again— “go.”
“I’m not leaving until you get better.” I blink. No, I’m not leaving him here alone. Why does that surprise me?
“I’m fine. I told you. Done it before. I’ll get better.”
“Done it before?” I giggle falsely. “What, you used to rawdogging colds all by yourself?”
A car passes outside, a familiar rising and falling sound against the unfamiliar silence of the dorm.
“Jean?”
“Go…”
And I swear he’s never sounded so… vulnerable before. Like he’s laid out all his organs on a big table and I’m holding the scalpel. Just waiting for the incision.
A little softer, I tell him, “I’m not going anywhere, Jean.”
And I take the goodie bag and head for the simple kitchen — that is, an inlaid fridge, stove, and pantry cramped behind an island counter with a sink. I hold the electric kettle Reiner got for Jean’s and Connie’s fifth anniversary (he thought they were together at first) under the sink and let it fill to two cups just in case before setting it back and switching it on.
Then I rummage through the drawers and cupboards until I find an old, strangely moist box of tea packets. Yuzu mist or Cheerful Citrus? I opt for the latter.
Tearing open the package, I glance at Jean who still hasn’t moved. The teabag I dump into a printed mug that Jean likes to use.
NUMBER 1 COUGAR
I wonder where he got that.
The kettle clicks off when the water boils and I fill the mug. Oh. Honey would be good. I return to the couch and sift through my bag, shifting my keys in the process. Now Jean stirs.
“Are you leaving?”
“No, Jean.”
I keep rummaging. I know it’s in there. Might be in deep, but—
“Please don’t.”
I pause, emotions — affection? concern? — swirling like particles of tea in water. “Okay, Jean.”
I finish making the tea in silence with an almost-empty bag of milk left in the fridge. How do these boys even survive? All that’s in there are cold cuts and a bag of only bread butts, among some other, strange things. Including a pair of boxers.
“Can you sit up?”
Jean sighs into the cushion and braces against the armrest to push himself into somewhat of a sitting position.
“Let’s get you to bed.”
His eyes cast down. I swallow the silence that suddenly envelops us. Nothing weird. Just a room. I’m just a caretaker. “Come on, Jean.”
“Can— can you help me?”
I fall into the little divot in the couch where Jean sits and let him wrap an arm around my shoulder. “Ready?” I say. “One, two…”
We stumble up and pass through the already-ajar door to Jean’s bedroom and I nearly stop to take a better look. He has blackout curtains, currently drawn, painting the room in a dark blue light except for a thin bar of sunlight from between the curtains that propagates as a glowing line on the carpet. The walls are plastered in posters, sketches, paintings, sketches. Half-finished drawings on his desk and swivel chair and a few on the ground. A small compartment shoved into one corner with every art supply imaginable.
Still taking in the view, I (we) back into the bed, butt-first, and Jean unwraps himself from me.
“You won’t… do anything weird… to me?”
I smile. Conversational, that’s good. “Not unless you want me to.” And I wish I had shut up before the first word even came out of my stupid mouth. Standing, I look over my shoulder. “I’m getting the medicine.”
“Wait. Don’t.”
Under the doorframe now, I pause. “I’m not leaving. I’ll be right back.” And I go to the goodie bag.
I should just work on keeping my mouth shut. Mikasa had picked out some ibuprofen, NyQuil, and lozenges. Pills should be good. I take the mug and the box and head back.
When I get back Jean’s sitting against the headboard, trying to uncrumple his blanket to get underneath.
“Let me help.”
He watches me then, helpless — Jean fucking Kirschtein, helpless! — as I set down the pills and mug on his glass nightstand and unfold the mess he’s got on the mattress. “Pull your legs up.”
He obeys. I pull the quilt over him.
I try not to stare. “You can put your legs down now.”
He obeys.
“Sit up, Jean. You need more pillows.”
Eyes glued to me, he leans forward so I can take his other pillow to prop him up more comfortably, leaning back when I touch his warm shoulder. Then I take the mug and offer it to him. “Drink some of this.”
Painfully quiet, he takes the mug with both hands and takes a tentative sip, lips curling around the brim of the ceramic to slurp up the soothing drink. He’s doing good. Until he hits a bump and starts sputtering.
Immediately I take the drink as he coughs up whatever went down the wrong way. When he’s done I realize I’ve been rubbing circles into his back so I take my hand off.
My phone buzzes in the living room. Shit.
“I’ll be back.”
Jean stares at his knees under the blanket and doesn’t move when I come back.
sashacado: omg yall
sashacado: theyre gonma be killed💯
armong us: What’s going on?
sashacado: @/lainah what did u do
lainah: One video attachment
sashacado: ONG LMFAOOO
sashacado pinned a message
mr. handsome: @/me im headed to urs with sash for a while. hope thats cool w you and all lmk if u need anything
jägermeister: are u fr leaving those two alone
mr. handsome: well good morning to u too pricness
Deleted message
jägermeister: oh right
sashacado: connor springer delete that message rn @/mr. handsome
sashacado: @/mr. handsome
sashacado: @/mr. handsome
sashacado: @/mr. handsome
mr. handsome: ok ok jfc im sorry
sashacado: @/mr. handsome
sashacado: ok good
Whatever the hell they’re up to now.
Jean thrashes slowly and I feel a little guilty for staring down at my phone the whole time. “Are you okay?” I breathe, sticking to his beside like a magnet. “Are you in pain?”
“Hot,” is all he says.
I peel the blanket off. He is hot. Really hot.
Not like that. He’s feverish.
“Can you… help me?”
“Yeah?” I stare at him — help with what? — until he raises his arms over his head.
Oh. A few circuits in my head switch off. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m can help.” Idiot.
Like touching something radioactive I grasp the edge of his sweater and slowly raise it, catching the shirt underneath for a fleeting second before it falls back down. Deep breath. Yes, I am helping out a guy I’m dating-not-dating who I’m definitely not attracted to to take off his clothes in his bedroom in his empty dorm. Because he’s sick. No problem. Because I’m a good friend.
The neckline catches on his jaw and I unhook it, delicately trailing the scruff on his jaw in the process.
And it’s off and on the ground. Holy shit. Jean’s been sweating. And I know all that dampness on his shirt, clinging feebly to his attractive sick form, didn’t come from his 10 minutes at the gym.
He doesn’t lower his arms. Oh, so we’re doing it like this.
Okay.
I come forward again, within earshot to the rattling in Jean’s chest with his every breath, and quite literally peel the thin white shirt off. This time it’s impossible not to touch his incredibly warm and damp body, not to scrape my nails against the softness of his skin, from his waist to his broad shoulders all the way down his arms. Now he puts them down.
I almost forget he still smells like puke.
“My pants…”
Ohoho. No way, buster. You’re on your own. I’m calling Connie. Nooo way.
“Okay, but unbuckle yourself.”
He does without question, fumbling first with his belt, which I help slide off, and then his jeans.
What in the ever-loving fuck am I doing? This sounds like a smut setup. No. I’m just a friend helping out a sick friend, two friends who have never done anything even slightly romantic together.
“Sit up on the edge, okay?”
He heaves his sweaty self to the edge of the bed, palms leaving wet marks on the sheets, and, staring at the ceiling, I grasp at the hem of his pants (skirting his boxers or whatever he’s wearing because I’m not looking) and pull them (he lifts himself at first to help) all the way down. In one smooth movement I turn back around.
“Put your shirt over your… yourself.”
I wait a good few heartbeats before turning back around and lo and behold, he’s done as told. Frankly, it looks even worse now, like he’s lying in bed completely naked with just a shirt covering him. (But that’s only true if I think it’s true!) The jeans I’m still clutching for some reason I deposit on a chair.
“Jean, I’ll be right back, okay?” I wait for a response I should know isn’t coming before going out again, this time in search for a facecloth. Which I do find, shoved in the corner of the linen cabinet. I should be grateful they even have some, but then again, it might’ve been another gift from Reiner they didn’t have the heart to throw away. I rinse it under some cool water and announce my re-entry.
“I’m back. Sit still.” Folding some of the damp cloth over two fingers, I carefully dab at the sweat on his forehead. No, I need to… I pick off some strands of his sandy hair from his face, holding his hair back against his scalp, and try again. Better. “Jean?”
He opens his eyes halfway, and they raise lazily to meet mine. He’s sweaty everywhere and too late I catch myself stroking his head. I wipe his cheek next.
“Drink some tea, okay? I need you to take a pill.”
“Pillk?”
“Yes,” I say encouragingly, like training a puppy. Neck next. “Just a pill.”
He takes in a deep mouth breath. There’s a portrait stuck to the ground on the other side of his bed.
Is that…
“I can’t.”
My eyes snap back and I pause, dabbing at his collarbone. “What’s that?”
He shakes his head, furrowing his brows as if the action took too much effort. “Can’t… swallow. Can’t swallow pills.”
I blink. “You can’t take pills?”
A fleeting smile meets his lips. “Vitamin gummies. Not. Vitamin pills. Might get stuck in m’throat.”
I fold up the cloth into a rectangle and smooth it out onto his forehead. “Just take some tea with it.”
“Tried. No.”
Who knew? For a guy with such a big mouth, he sure has a small esophagus.
“Jean, it’ll make you feel better.”
“No.”
I pop open the box and break open the tinfoil seal to take out a single pill.
“Noo…”
“Jean, you’ll be fine. You’re a big boy now.” And I vow never to speak again.
When I push the little oval against his mouth, I find it won’t open. Jean is breathing laboriously through his 90 percent clogged nostrils.
“Open up.”
He purses his lips, further preventing entry, and I swear he’s smiling a little.
“Very funny. Take your pill. You’re gonna suffocate yourself.”
Still nothing. I pinch his nose. He makes a muffled noise but otherwise doesn’t react.
Ten seconds. Twenty seconds. At thirty-three I let go. “Are you really willing to kill yourself over a pill?”
“Don’t want. Don’t need.”
“Yeah, and I ‘don’t need’ you choking over your own puke in your sleep.”
“No…”
“Jean.” I feel terrible already for doing it like this. “Try. If you don’t at least try, I’ll leave.”
I bite my lip, awaiting his response. I really shouldn’t have said that. I’m such an asshole. Fuck.
“Okay.”
Deep breath. I push the pill against his bottom lip and the soft tissue yields against my fingers for a moment before he opens. The mug is to his lips not a moment after; he gulps, Adam’s apple bobbing, and the tea in his mouth suddenly explodes out and sprays warmly all over my face.
All. Over.
I peel my eyes open after impact. Jean looks more awake than he did before, and with a discernible expression, too: terror.
Okay. Good!
Slowly, he reaches for the sweat-soaked cloth on his head and offers it to me. I shake my head.
“Be right back.”
Bathroom. Cold water. Cold water against my face. There’s two razors on the sink and the edges of the white surface have some hairs on them. Face hairs, I’m sure. I pray.
If whatever Jean has is contagious, I sure as hell have it now.
I turn the tap off and swipe the water from my face. Great. Okay. I bunch up my now-wet sweater. I can do this.
I re-enter the bedroom. Jean sits up a little straighter now, sipping in small increments. “Sorry.”
I put my sweater on the chair. “It’s okay.”
“I— really—”
“Jean, it’s okay.”
“I’m fine. I’ll get better.” Which is about the most complete sentence he’s said in a while.
“I told you I’m not going anywhere, didn’t I?”
He doesn’t say anything. Almost unconsciously, I gravitate to his bed.
“You already did too much for me.”
“Nonsense.”
“Why do… you do this?”
Now that gets me thinking. Because you’re sick. Because I’m a good friend. Because you’re my guinea pig for Hospitality 101. Maybe all three.
My eyes trace back to the scribbled portrait on the other side of Jean’s bed and I take the cloth from his forehead.
Thousands upon thousands of excuses, and a singular truth.
“Because I like you.”
And I take my time going back to the bathroom.
Cold water. Cold water against my hands.
“Coming in.”
“It wasn’t nothing.” Jean clears his throat, almost inaudible against my beating heart. “Back at the party. Wasn’t… nothing.”
“Wasn’t all that much, either,” I say dryly. Hopefully he doesn’t notice how shaky my hands are. How shaky against his pallid skin.
Jean inhales and I can see the movement through his chest. “No. Wasn’t a lot.” He tilts his head up at a minuscule angle to scan my face, and maybe it’s the perspective, or the weird lighting, but I could swear he’s never looked at me like this before.
Except for that time.
“So I’d…” he swallows. “Like— like to have more.”
For a few seconds, it’s silent. For a few seconds, all that there is are his dim eyes and mine. For a few seconds, we fall into each other and tread water, sinking, fading…
I break our gaze and tremblingly pluck a tissue from a box on the ground; hold it to his nose. “Blow.”
He takes a shaky breath and obeys.
Fold. “Again.”
He shuts his eyes and blows.
“Again.”
He blows until his air gives out. I drop the spent tissue.
“Again?”
He shakes his head.
“Let’s try the pill.”
He nods and stares as I open the foil for a second time and pop the new one in my mouth.
He watches, confused, until a wave of realization seems to hit him.
He stays statue-still as I lean in, put a hand on the headboard on either side of his head.
His heat, like a barrier, raises the hairs on my skin. He cups my jaw. I cradle the side of his neck, and his pulse beats at a million miles a minute. The pill begins to dissolve.
Our mouths barely touch, and I make the final connection.
Jean is tall. Jean is arrogant. Jean will laugh at you when you fall.
But Jean has the softest lips, the sweetest mouth (even when he puked out a buffet no more than half an hour ago). Jean will melt like soft butter under your touch. Jean will accept your tongue, no questions asked, and retaliate with twice the vengeance.
Like I’ve been dreaming of since that brief moment at the party, I let my hand run insouciant through his hair. No eyes watching. No social boundary.
He gasps softly for air and I do the same, pulling his scalp so he tilts to meet me better with a small grunt. God, I fucking love his hair.
Now both of his iron-hot hands are on me, hooking under my shirt, running up and down, claiming every square inch, and I let mine fall from his neck down to his slick chest down to his stomach down to his abs. Other still planted firmly in his hair, pulling, twirling, pulling, and when I tug again Jean squeezes so hard, doubling down, suddenly hungry, suddenly a starving man. Wrapping his arms around my back and pulling me closer, I oblige, hooking a leg onto his bed, between his knees, and my thigh brushes against his still-damp T-shirt, and he groans softly into my mouth—
and swallows with an ulp!
and it’s over.
I stroke his throat as the pill goes down and he stares hollowly at me until it’s gone. I recline and smile.
“Is that enough for you?”
Unblinking, he pulls me down again.
⋅ ⋆ ─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────── ⋅ ⋆
Connie kicks the asphalt with his definitely real Gucci slides. “Are you done?”
“Shh!”
He shoots his friend a withering look — that is, as withering of a look that he can muster.
“This is creepy. And I’m cold. Can we at least—”
Sasha puts down her binoculars and shows him what a real killer glare is. He rolls his eyes and scans his phone. Eren’s sent a message to the matchmaker groupchat.
emo king🖤⛓️: are u sure this plan of urs worked out
emo king🖤⛓️: excuse me if this is harsh, but it’s probably the dumbest shit of ur dumbshit ideas
me: yeah try telling Sash that
sharmin ultra soft: Eren’s right. Chances are Jean puked and turned everyone off
intimidating woman: i think there’s a chance
emo king🖤⛓️: are u fr in on this mikasa
sashami: you guys shh the star coming
Sasha shoots him another look before putting her non-stalker scope away in preparation for the star of the day’s arrival.
“Whad’d I do?”
As far as he knows, Connie is doing everything right. He’d told everyone that he was sleeping over at Sasha’s. (Her idea.) And now it’s Monday, and it’s time for the star’s (code name) first class (and also Sasha’s), and now they’re sitting out in the cold like a couple of dumbasses watching the stairwell windows. (Also her idea.) What the heck?
“I’m going in the car,” Connie grumbles. He doesn’t wait for the inevitable retort and climbs in to the drivers’ seat.
The car. The one silver lining to this whole ordeal. He’d eaten, put his feet up in, and used up every last drop of gas on this baby and Jean couldn’t do a damned thing about it.
But the person coming through the door isn’t their star. It’s Jean. Huh?
Connie pops out of the vehicle and joins up with Sasha.
“Oh— you’re here, too?” Jean’s brow furrows deeper. “What’s going on?”
“Well, hello to you, too,” Connie grins. “Looks like you‘re doing a lot better.”
“No thanks to you lot.”
“Where are you going?” Sasha pipes in, and he knows what’s coming next. She’s using her interviewer voice.
“Just… going to class.” Jean smacks Connie’s shoulder. “Keys?”
He produces them with a flourish and a jangle and the taller takes them, unlocking the car.
Beep beep!
Sasha casually tails him, twisting around to block the driver’s side door.
“Sash.”
“Were you a good host?”
“I mean, I was really sick.”
“You have actual, proper food, right? Did you feed your dear caretaker?”
“Uh…” he smirks. “Yeah.”
“Is your room clean?”
“It’s fine!”
“Did you sleep together?”
He rolls his eyes and wedges a hand between his car and the girl. “Okay, get out.”
“Answer my question!” Sasha cries as she stumbles back and Jean hops in. Without another word, the car backs out. Jean turns and comes forward so he’s perpendicular to the parking spot before lowering his window.
“Connie! You owe me 20!” And then he’s gone.
Dumbfounded, the boy looks to Sasha, finding her staring at her phone. “What’s wrong? You on your period?”
“Oh, fuck off. Look.”
star: sorry sash,, not coming to hospitality. i got sick :(
star: jeans staying home for me tho. dont wait up <3
And the mastermind screenshots the fruits of her labour.
⋅ ⋆ ─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────── ⋅ ⋆
would you look at that. more kissing. *throws tomato*
i did 80% of this in one day. no regrets!! (said eren.) (ill shut the fuck up now)
i hope you enjoyed! it actually turned out a lot less gross than i originally planned (they were gonna do it with the nyquil ewwwww) but this is fine. right? i never actually kept a pill on my tongue like that for so long so for my sanity's sake let's pretend this is how it all works.
this started out as a oneshot. however,,, i decided to add more parts to it because i'm a sucker. check it out if you like! <3
byebye
⋅ ⋆ ─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────── ⋅ ⋆
masterlist
part 2 - low tide
#jean kirschtein fanfiction#jean kirschtein x reader#jean kirstein fanfiction#jean kirstein x reader#aot fanfiction#attack on titan x reader#pushable#pushs oneshots
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the clock is here. all hail.
i forgot to turn antialiasing to the right settings with my pen so it is. the little numbers are chunky. thats life sometimes. just dont zoom in too hard. if i fix it, i wont make a new post abt it ill just edit it on to this one or something [and state that i did so in the post]
prev post with noclock version
and as promised here is also progress pics, harvested from when i sent screenshots to friends as i worked. as a bonus ive also included various layer names and the 5 different names the file went thru. the parts i [very lazily] painted over with dark blue had not been done yet, ergo anything with dark blue over it is just the picture itself so do not regard it
i will now be nice to myself and work on my fanfic and smaller drawings for a while. i will do eye posts sometimes still when i get a slow day and wanna do some peepers for 3 hours, i have collected many eyes [klinger, fr mulcahy, trapper, margaret, charles, hawkeye, bj. ive been busy stealing eyeballs to paint on. theyre all on one document its pretty funny]. i will be doing my best to force the cast into my style so i can do quick stuff.
i also WILL do more paintings of full shots again, but. fellas. ive done 3 back to back full paintings with no other digital art projects in between.
this has been NOT good planning lol
not sure if i should tag everything again so i will just. do so? idk i have not been on tumblr hardcore since like 2018 and have never regularly posted so idk proper etiquette. im gonna leave off characters for this one ig
#mash#mash 4077#mash fanart#mash art#its me im back and i will now go to the countryside for my health for 5 months#nah but really my wrist is fine#i just strained it a lot from doing Too Much Art where my pressure needed to change and then the Hair twice and yeah#now i will go to bed at a reasonable time! [lie]#i forgot how much fun i had writing. rip#also when i decide to pick a big piece again im again welcome to suggestions#i prefer big emotions in the scene or specifically artistic shots#because certain ones can be funny or something but. i gotta stare at that for 20-30 hours#god this one was the worst because the lighting was so good. like u could SEE things#so i couldnt just 'teehee its all hidden' no you can see 100% of them 100% of the time#.my art#sorry to take up the mash tags again. i feel bad esp since its not a HUGE huge huge fanbase so i am diluting the waters more or something#or! i am lying to myself. to shame myself. equally likely.#anyway shoutout to fr mulcahy for giving almost the exact same kind of energy as my grunkle from ireland#its part of the reason i love him so much as a character. reminds me of family lol
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GTYU2K - static chapter 1
✰ . pairing - ex!Luke Castellan x italian!fem!singer!reader smau
✰ . summary - dating an ex-frat boy was definitely not the best idea, but now that you’re only a girl he used to know, you’re making tons of money off him and his lying, cheating ass, iykwim 😉
✰ . includes - badassness, italian singer but no specified race, cussing probably, sad luke because he regrets what he did
✰ . series taglist - @sluttysammyy
✰ . pjo taglist - @perseus-jackass @niktwazny303 @st4rzl7
✰ . now playing - GTYU2K by Alexis Munroe
✰ . a/n - im not really sure how artists like talk about their new albums and stuff so taylor swift is my inspo!! also PLEASE if you haven’t, GO LISTEN TO Alexis Munroe (aka princessbri) ALSO!!! pictures do NOT depict the reader!!
✰ . series masterlist
y/ny/ln u make me sick
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larueclarisse FUUUUCK HIM !!! U DONT NEED HIM 🫶🏽❤️🔥
ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln ridding myself of allllll the bullshit
ׂ╰┈➤ user09 ATE
missbeauregard soooo excited !!! and so proud of you lovie 💕💕
ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln ilyyyy mwah mwah 💋💋
seaweedbrainbaddie um where’s my photo creds 🤨🤨🤨🤞🤞
ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln no
ׂ╰┈➤ seaweedbrainbaddie yes
ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln no
ׂ╰┈➤ seaweedbrainbaddie YES
ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln FINE. 📸 creds to @seaweedbrainbaddie (stupid name btw)
ׂ╰┈➤ seaweedbrainbaddie thank you and FUCK YOU
ׂ╰┈➤ annab3th LANGUAGE.
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pipesqueak drop the album alreadyyy!! i’m dying waiting 😫
ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln coming soon i promise ml 💋
ׂ╰┈➤ pipesqueak not soon enough :(
iamchris_h can’t let bro know i fw this 😣
ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse don’t even know why ur friends w such a loser
ׂ╰┈➤ iamchris_h we all make mistakes guys
ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse his dad definitely did 🥱
ׂ╰┈➤ missbeauregard CLARISSE.
hater77 she’s just obsessed with her ex like if it’s so bad why make a whole album about him LMFAO
ׂ╰┈➤ user54 ur just mad she’s making money and u aren’t 🤣
larueclarisse GIRLS NIGHT ‼️🥂❤️🔥 tagged: @y/ny/ln @missbeauregard @pipesqueak
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pipesqueak i had so much fun !!! 💕💕
ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse WE ALL NEED TO GO OUT TOGETHER AGAIN?!?&:8
ׂ╰┈➤ pipesqueak YES !
y/ny/ln holy shit i’m so hung over but at least i look good 🤷♀️
ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse only Y/n Y/ln can get full on shitfaced and still look good 😫❤️🔥
seaweedbrainbaddie omg guys why wasn’t i invited :(((( 💔😖
ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln you’re a boy. it was girls night.
ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse you’re like 8??
ׂ╰┈➤ missbeauregard you would probably just complain the whole time
ׂ╰┈➤ pipesqueak you can’t even drink
ׂ╰┈➤ annab3th you’re annoying.
ׂ╰┈➤ seaweedbrainbaddie babe you weren’t even there ??
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itslukecastellan she looks so pretty
ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse boy gtfo
ׂ╰┈➤ iamchris_h Luke i can’t even defend you anymore 🤦🏽
y/ny/ln just posted a new story
view reply from larueclarisse:
larueclarisse YESSSSS IM SO EXCITED 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
y/ny/ln my biggest supporter 💕
view reply from missbeauregard:
missbeauregard DISSIN HIM AND MAKING MONEY!!! IM SO PROUD OF YOUUUU
y/ny/ln thank you babyyyyyy <3333
view reply from cast311anbackup:
cast311anbackup i miss you
y/ny/ln leave me aloneeeee how many mf times do i have to block you.
y/ny/ln i’m not the girl that u used 2 know🤷♀️
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© sovksluv 2024, please do not repost or translate my work!
#𖤐 . rue talks#𖤐 . rue’s world#pjo series#pjo show#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson#pjo fandom#pjo spoilers#pjo tv show#pjo disney+#static#alexis munroe#alexis munroe static#luke castellan#luke castellan x reader#luke castellan fluff#luke castellan au#luke castellan imagine#luke castellan story#charlie bushnell imagine#charlie bushnell x reader#charlie bushnell#charlie bushnell story#static alexis munroe#princessbri#princessbri static#alexis munroe static story#book luke castellan#luke castellan smut#luke castellan pjo
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