#still doesnt mean i wouldnt kill him myself though

[boncottontail]

Honestly, even though I fucking hate Doied and would definitely punt him to the sun, I think his backstory is tragic.

All we know currently about Doied is that he works for the Federation and hates Q!Roier with a passion (to the extent of him drugging and torturing him). Since we had no idea that he was a real person (and not just one of Roier’s silly alter egos) before the tapes, I assume that he’s spent his entire life locked away in the Federation offices, while his twin (?) is living the life he’s always dreamed of, full freedom to do anything he desires, away from the clutches of Cucurucho.

SO. I have two theories as to who Doied is and his connection to Q!Roier.

Theory One: Doied is a Q!Roier prototype.

Clinging on to the theory that Q!Roier is a federation experiment (like Q!Jaiden and Q!Baghera), I think that Doied could have been the result of their first trial to create Q!Roier. He came out an unrivaled genius but didn’t look the way he wanted to. But the Federation thought they could use his smarts so they assigned him to work in their offices. Later, they tried again, and came up with Q!Roier. Perfection.

Theory Two: Doied and Q!Roier are twins.

Maybe the Federation ended up making two experimental children at once, splitting the brains (Doied) and the brawn (Q!Roier) between both of them. But even though Doied was a genius who could pull off anything, Q!Roier ended up being the more “stable” of the twins. Favored by the Federation because he was the “perfect” result of their islander experiment, he was sent off to live on the island, while Doied was left locked away underground.

No matter which theory is closer to the truth, the real question is: What is Doied’s motivation? Easy, it’s none other than Jealousy.

Because Doied was smart. He was a genius scientist who invented a majority of the Federation’s machinery for their projects and experiments. Without him, he was sure that the Federation wouldn’t have succeeded as much as it did—but how come Q!Roier, armed only with his kindness and strength, gets to live a free life? Why does he get to have a family, while Doied only had faceless Fed workers and a psycho bear boss to keep him company? It was unfair. It was UNFAIR.

When Cucurucho showed up to Doied’s office, while pulling Q!Roier with a rope tied around his neck, Doied took his chance for revenge. He drugs him. Blindfolds him. Tortures him until he’s puking all over himself, then crushes his communicator to completely cut him off from his precious family and friends and children.

Then, under Cucurucho’s command, he puts Q!Roier’s body into a rat, just because he fucking can.

One day, a strange man named Hombre Misterioso shows up. He tells Doied to switch bodies with Q!Roier. Doied realizes that doing so not only meant stealing his body but his life, too. The life he’s always wanted outside the Federation’s white walls. The life under the sun, the life away from toxic command, the life of freedom.

Now in Q!Roier’s body, Doied experiences life. He experiences adventure and danger. He experiences friendship and unconditional love. He experiences the care of a loving husband.

And maybe Doied might end up getting a little attached to his cute egg children. Maybe Doied will end up taking a bit of a liking to his twin’s husband—but Q!Cellbit is a smart guy. He knows his husband from the inside out. There’s a chance that he already noticed how oddly different “Q Roier” is. The signs were there in the most recent stream. The lack of “guapito” and the hug only directed at the eggs…

Doied experiences love for the first time, then it gets ripped right off his hands. A tragic end for a tragic character.

[jackass-jones]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

[lesbiandreamriso]

Spoilers for the last three episodes of Mate the series

I am on episode 12 and I just need to say as much as I love Gen she is her own worst enemy. All her problems in life and with Aoey trace back to her consistently ignoring what Aoey is saying, crossing her boundaries and making decisions for her without ever consulting her.

If she had respected Aoey's wishes Somkit wouldn't have been suspected of killing the stepdad and they wouldnt have had to flee. If she had listened to her she never would have sent her back to her mother. The same mother who pressures Aoey into marrying a man for her own peace of mind.

Even after all of that, if she had just thought to ask Aoey what she wanted when her mother suggested they bring her to Macau she would have ended both of their suffering early because Aoey would have said yes no matter what. Beyond that if she had listened to Aoey say she didn't like that man and she only got engaged to him because of her mom or if she had listened tp Aoey tell her in plain language multiple times that she wanted her to fight for her and to love her things would have never gotten to where they are now.

People say Gen is selfless and she is but its the stupid kind of selfless the 'I know better than you and I'm gonna sacrifice myself without being asked' kind of selfless. The kind of selfless that is actually just self sabotage. I agreed with the mom and Tod about the separation even though I hate the way they all went about it but the way Gen specifically handled the entire thing is a prime example of what I'm saying.

I truly love that idiot to bits but if Aoey swung on her or Great I would look the other way. Speaking of Aoey I love her more in these last few episodes. She's so petty its evil in a way thats funny to me. People may hate on her but thats because we know everything. Aoey only knows what she's been told and when you take that into account her actions are not only justified they're mild.

What do you mean the girlfriend who went behind her back to "kill" her abuser causing them to flee the law and rent a house in the middle of nowhere making her resort to spending all her savings and doing manual labor to support them left her saying she never cared about her and thought of her as an experiment and is now ripping off her book? And now she's given Aoey puppy eyes and everyone is treating Aoey like a bad guy for being mad. She said she wouldn't leave and then left the next day!

Aoey they will never make me hate you.

Also fuck them for making her apologize to Great that little shit deserves dust.

Plus Aoey's whole act is so obviously fake its laughable. She doesn't want Gen to leave and she knows the only way Gen will stay is if she pretends to be mad because then Gen will want to set things right. You can tell by the fact that she chases her down when she tries to leave and panics everytime Gen is out of her line of sight. The whole wedding thing is her desperate attempt to force Gen to act by showing her everything she's missing. She literally tries to seduce her in her wedding dress and the idiot still doesnt get it.

Bonus points: GenAoey made up and immediately starting acting like a married couple because apparently their version of friendship is just domesticity. We ignore the cheating because the fiancee did it first.

Also I hate how they have called each other and been referenced as friends 10 billion times yet the only person who calls the lovers is Aoey once in a damn flashback. I havent seen a couple stretch the bounds of the word friendship this much since Wanpleng and even they weren't this bad. Three years and they're both still in the shackles of comphet. At this rate they'll be calling eachother besties in their wedding vows.

[pabit]

Hi, its Patrick speaking.

Michael somehow locked up both of the camera creeps in the bathroom. I guess they were freaking him out while he was repairing the door or some shit? The footage is pretty much useless, which is a bit irritating…but I’ve transcribed the audio for you all here. I think its crucial to provide the full word-for-word conversation.

----

> welp…the hole has been patched. i will have to replace the entire door eventually but um, this will work for right now.

> …

> uh…

> ......

> habit?

> …YES?

> are you...upset about what i said earlier?

> WHAT? NO NO…IM FINE. > don’t even worry about it.

> …you’re lying.

> no i’m not—

> habit…i may be mentally unwell, but im not stupid. i know that look in your eyes. i know that tone in your voice. ive seen it all before - i was practically raised on the sadness of my institutionalized peers.

> IS THAT HOW YOU SEE THE HABIT? AS ONE OF THOSE PATHETIC FUCKING CRAZY HUMANS?

> ah…i wouldnt describe them that harshly but i mean, basically yeah? > they are just people with problems man…many of whom have done some fucked up things, patrick and myself included. mostly though, they are kinda just…sad. Because they keep fucking up, or getting fucked up, and they dont know how to stop it. evidently you are not much different from them or myself in that way

> so uh— i just wanna say that i’m sorry for my behavior. i was being a jackass and it was uncalled for. i wanted to believe you deserved that and much worse but…i dunno. spewing blind hatred like that doesnt sit right with me.

> ….... > no. don’t apologize.

> what? why not?

> nothing you said was inaccurate nor unjustified, michael. why be sorry about that?

> because, uh…you apologized to me first? an' well, thats unlike you. at least, its unlike whatever i thought of you before today. maybe patrick is onto something…and maybe i was little too quick to judgment.

> HA…ARE YOU SURE YOURE NOT STUPID? I’VE DESTROYED MORE THAN JUST YOUR DOOR. I KILLED—

> i know. i know. and i dunno if i’ll ever truly forgive you for taking my brother away…but like. i also can recognize the value of an apology. it’s a good start, if you really mean it.

> …

> do you mean it, habit? are you actually sorry?

> I HAVE NOTHING TO GAIN FROM LYING TO YOU.

> sure– unless you think appeasing me is what will keep yourself from being kicked out and left to die alone

[HABIT laughs]

> I’D BE A MORON TO SINCERELY BELIEVE THAT. YOU AND PATRICK HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BAR ME FROM THIS PLACE, AT ANY TIME, FOR ANY REASON. I ACCEPT THAT. I WOULD DESERVE IT. AND ONE WAY OR ANOTHER…I WILL DIE WITH ALL OF MY REGRETS RIGHT BESIDE ME.

> I APOLOGIZED BECAUSE, WELL…I BELIEVE YOU DESERVE ONE, WHILE I STILL HAVE THE TIME TO GIVE IT. ONE LESS REGRET TO TAKE TO THE GRAVE, EH? > there is no other reason.

> you believe i deserve an apology, huh...

> ERRR…YEAH. > I CANT PRETEND LIKE I FULLY UNDERSTAND ALL THE WAYS IN WHICH MY ACTIONS HAVE AFFECTED YOU…BUT UM...

> YOU LOST SOMEONE DEEPLY IMPORTANT TO YOU. I HAVE LOST SOMEONE RECENTLY TOO. AND UH, IT…HURTS. IT HURTS AND IM THE ONLY MONSTER TO BLAME. > IF THE PAIN I LIVE WITH NOW IS EVEN REMOTELY CLOSE TO WHAT I’VE DONE TO YOU…THEN YES…i am sorry.

> I KNOW THAT WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH AND WONT FIX A DAMN THING...SO THROW ME OUT, IF YOU MUST. I WILL GO WITHOUT QUESTION.

> …

> …

> …

> …WELL?

> ...... . . . . . .........

> MICHAEL?

> …ugh…uh, hey…habit.

> ERR— PATRICK?

> heh…you got it��

> sorry im…still a bit fuzzy upstairs at the moment.

> UM. OKAY. SIT DOWN THEN?

[I flopped into the couch next to Habit, kinda bracing against him to ground myself.]

> SO UM– > IS MICHAEL ALRIGHT?

> Michael…? Oh right. > He’s fine.

> …THAT'S ALL? JUST FINE?

> Ugh– dude my head is killing me right now, gimme a break…

> OH. SORRY.

> Its– its okay, Habit. This is nothing out of the ordinary, really…it happens pretty often when I come around.

> AH…

> Anyways, ummmm…yeah! > Michael is fine. Processing everything, but he's fine. I won't go into more detail though…it's not really my place to talk about his feelings about you, after all. He will come back to say what he needs to when he is ready.

> AND IF HE IS NEVER READY…? IF HE WANTS ME GONE?

> Luckily for you, Mikey doesn't have the only say in that matter. You still have me, Habs – and I want you to be here.

> ................

----

Habit didn't say anything else after that, so thats when I decided to get up and let the creeps out of the bathroom. Now I'm in the kitchen; finishing up this post and waiting for this batch of cookies to bake. I'm just trying to give Hab's brain a moment to catch up with itself, y'know? You know. Whatever. Hopefully the sweets will lighten the mood. I promise I wont eat them all this time, heh.

It also appears that I have missed some interesting bits of insight while out of the house today, so I will check back in later once I am better informed and Habit has gotten a few dozen cookies in his stomach.

[ask] >>

[yearningandpatheticaboutit]

CHAPTER 18: BRIDE AND GROOM

wc: 5894

warnings: death, gun violence, blood, ptsd

prev chapter

***

san

my nerves are shot. i keep looking outside of the windows of woo's van as we wait ourside the park, counting every car that passes by and even the amount of street cats that i see lurking in the shadows of this shitty area. hongjoong came right to my apartment. if he held out on the attack on the warehouse, ignored seonghwa and kept changbin alive, he would've came straight to kill me. and i wouldnt have seen it coming at all.

and yaera was the one to see him. face to face.

the horrific images that flashed through my head of what he'd do to her haunts me continuously. i feel sick to my stomach. im even more determined to get rid of him, just so he'd never be this close to anyone i know or love. he's a fucking monster. he could have done anything to her and i wouldnt have been there.

i could have lost everything. and now shes out in that fucking park with the man that ruined her childhood and innocence.

"hey man, im sure shes fine," woo tries to comfort me, his eyes worried as he watches me through the rearview. "i heard her voice, she sounded like she had a plan."

"her plans wont always be there to save her," i mutter. her voice scared the shit out of me to be honest. she sounded calm, like talking about the errands she had to run. after everything that's happened, i know shes a ticking time bomb on the inside. like a branch on its last stretch, ready to completely snap in half.

"she got away from hongjoong," woo says. "honestly, i dont know how she talked him away. we both know if he knows where you live then..."

"hes doing this to fuck with us," i say, my hands clenching around my forearms as i try to still myself. i feel like im shaking even though i know im not. "you know damn well she didnt talk herself out of it. he let her live. he could have chosen not to."

and i wouldnt have been there. last time i wasnt there, my mother and i never saw each other again. at least she didnt die, but with how she took off she might as well be dead.

woo sighs and cracks open a bottle of beer and i cant be bothered to stress over it. my thoughts feel like they're racing. but when i heard the shots, thats when they paused. my head went blank hearing six clean shots rip through the air.

my blood runs cold and woo sets his beer down on the dash, turning his whole body to look at me.

"was that...?" woo starts, his face falling. "do you think thats hongjoong?"

realistically, it couldve been any other lowlife because we were in a sketchy part of town. but hongjoong being the scariest thing around means every fear automatically becomes about him.

"where's yaera now?" woo asks me, taking the beer and pointing at me as he gestures toward my phone. "call her! we need to bounce!"

six shots. i pick up my phone and dial her instantly, but it goes straight to voice mail.

fucks sake. out of all the times she chooses not to answer. i resort to texting her frantically, telling her we're outside of the park's entrance. she reads my messages to my relief, but a dangerous part of me thinks...

what if hongjoong has her phone in his hand, and i just gave our location away?

"w-oo..." i say, feeling my face getting colder. i want to tell him to start the van and get us the fuck away from here, but my mouth cant get out the words.

"there she is!" woo yells, rolling down the window and leaning out of it. "open the door, san!"

i slide open the van's door and yaera's on the other side. i pull her in and slam the door immediately and woo doesnt waste time shoving the key into the ignition and hitting the road.

for a few minutes, nothing feels real. i put the light in the van on, and yaera hasnt said a word. when the light shines on her face, i see blood splattered across her cheek. she doesnt look at me at all, but takes something out of my hoodie and plops it onto my lap.

its my dad's gun.

i look up to her with realisation. i think im drawing the right conclusions but im scared to say the words aloud.

"yaera?" i mutter cautiously.

she doesnt answer me, shes blinkling slowly like a zombie. i take her hand and squeeze it, but she doesnt squeeze mine back. god. please dont tell me this means what i think it means.

"what did you do?" i ask her.

"i killed him."

her voice is empty. thats when she finally turns to me. i cant read her eyes at all.

"sorry for dragging you guys into this shit. i probably made escaping harder for you, right?"

she says it casually. i dont know if it hit her yet. i think it did, but shes not ready to face it. my chest aches of thinking her alone in that park with him. six shots.

i take her face in my hands and pull her into an embrace. "im glad you're okay," i say. i want to say more but i dont know what to say. i wont ever know how it feels to do what she did.

i feel her shiver in my arms and i can tell shes choking back her emotions. probably terrified to face them after what shes done. this was it. i cant believe she had the guts to do it, to actually kill someone.

i threw up the first time i saw someone die. even worse when it was by my hands. ive never seen them die, but whenever i beat someone severely i could just tell they werent going to make it. i didnt want to be there when they croaked, so i ran before i got to witness it. i'd hear about it later on, and i wouldnt be able to sleep.

wooyoung is looking through us in the rearview, his eyes visibly worried. he knows what happened and i know hes thinking what im thinking.

this has gotten immensely more fucked up. yaera isnt just a civilian anymore. she crossed over to the other side. her hands are tainted.

"im fine," she says and then pulls away. she cracks her neck and stretches her fingers. "he tried to choke me out but he didnt know i had your gun."

"why did you do this alone?" i ask her, trying not to upset her.

"because i wanted to. who else should i do it with?" she says with a shrug. "he didnt try to rape you, did he?"

hearing that, wooyoung takes a long gulp from his beer and finishes it. i know he cant handle hearing about stuff like this. wooyoung's all good with violence until its sexual.

"i know what you mean but you couldve let me been there," i tell her.

she waves me off. "its over now. where are we going?"

shes being so casual about it, i know shes going to break as soon as shes alone. "mao's letting us stay at one of his drug houses. its in the suburbs."

"im assuming you guys still have to kill hongjoong, seeing as he came to visit you today and all."

"its his sister's wedding tomorrow," wooyoung says. "AKA D-Day."

yaera hums, then notices wooyoung trying to crack open another beer. "are you drinking and driving?" she says, almost with amusement.

"before you hound me like san does, just know im actually a better driver when im drunk," woo tells her. hes being so civil with her that i know this is his equivalent of walking on eggshells.

"well would you hear that," yaera lightly chuckles and looks at me with a smile. i cant shake the terrible feeling i have inside me when i look at her, knowing whats coming. the blood on her cheeks have dried. her hands are tainted. its going to break her.

her smile drops when i dont return it. "something wrong?" she frowns at me.

i pull her into me again, softly putting her head on my shoulder as the chest ache worsens. "i missed you, thats all." i mutter.

***

mao's house is a decent, middleclass two-storey that looks like every family's white pickett fence dream. its hard to tell that there's a drug lab in the basement just by looking at it. but if anything life has taught me is dont be surprised by anything.

and yet, even despite knowing that, i cant wrap my head around the fact that yaera blew santo's head off.

something in me is broken. i thought she needed me to protect her, to always be there, but now i feel useless. i know she can take care of herself, but i wish i protected her better. not from danger, but from this fate itself.

i couldnt keep her hands clean, even if they were already smudged with something dark. i dont have control over anything anymore.

she sleeps all the way there, and when we go inside the house, i take her up to a bedroom since she mentioned wanting to take a bath. i leave her alone to go talk to wooyoung, and hes sitting on the old furniture in the living room, staring mindlessly through the window.

he looks at me with a scowl when he sees me. "what are you doing here?" he snaps. what was his problem?

"whats with the tone?" i reply, taken aback.

"why are you leaving her alone?" he asks me like im dumb.

i stare at him in confusion. "shes taking a bath, woo."

woo stands up and gives me a bland look. "your little girlfriend just blew off a guy's head with six bullets and you're leaving her to take a bath by herself? go make sure she's not fucking drowning herself, dumbass! she was way too fucking calm about that shit!"

the realization hits me. wooyoung is right, god how am i so oblivious? i dont say anything more and run up the stairs, hearing no sound coming from the bathroom. no movement of the water, nothing. but i smell cigarette smoke.

i lightly knock on the door but no answer comes. i immediately push the door open and find yaera submerged till her collarbone, her arm hanging out of the bathtub with a cigarette dangling between her wet fingers. she puts it between her lips and blows out a puff as she looks at me with an empty gaze.

"i didnt kill myself," she says coolly. "you dont have to worry about me."

"i wasnt worried about that," i say. the bathroom is warm and foggy with steam, and her hair is all curled up, hanging into the water.

"really?" she says with a wry look. "well, you joining me then?"

this is not one of those times we can suppress how terrible we feel by having sex. but i dont tell her that, because im scared she'll reject me or kick me out.

i close the door behind me and start to take off my clothes and yaera doesnt even look at me. its the first time she isnt staring at me like some kind of preying animal, which makes me think she doesnt just want to sleep together either. but i cant tell what shes thinking at all, it terrifies me.

i get into the opposite side of her so i can see her face. her legs are lightly grazing mine underwater and still she doesnt meet my eyes. its bothering me so much. she takes one last puff of the cigarette before crushing it into an ashtray on the windowsill.

"why wont you look at me?" i ask her, meaning to be casual about it but i sound like im pleading. fuck.

her eyes finally drift up toward me and they're glossy and red. her face is frozen but i can tell she wants to cry. god, why did he hurt my girl.

"you think im horrible now, don't you?" she says, her voice just above a whisper.

"what? why would i ever think that?"

"do you think we bring out the worst in each other, san?"

her question throws me off, and i dont want to answer it. in the end we stare at each other until her resolve starts to crumble. tears start running down her face as she stares at her trembling hands like they're covered in blood.

"i...i didnt even stop when the gun was empty. i kept going...i knew he was gone and i kept going."

"come here."

i grab her hands and pull her over to me, sending the water sloshing to the sides of the tub. she sits between my legs, her back to me as i start rubbing her hair. yaera starts breaking down and i pull her close, our warm skin folding against each other.

"i want to fucking die," she chokes out between sobs. "why did he do this to me? why did he turn me into this...i hate this. i hate myself."

"he was a monster, yaera," i say and plant a kiss ontop of her head. "you did what you thought was right. i dont think you're horrible. i'd never think that about you. not after everything he did."

"i didnt want to do this," she holds her face in her hands, coughing her sobs out. "i didnt want to be this person. i just wanted to get away."

i let her cry it out, holding her through it all. nothing i say can fix this. the guilt will wreck her until one day it doesnt. until it passes like a headache that was never there.

"we'll get away," i whisper to her. "we can be entirely new people in cuba. we can be whoever we wanna be."

i rest my head against hers as i try to picture it. i want it to be real.

"we'll wake up every morning to birds and a tropical breeze. you'll wake up next to me with the sun on your face. we'll take walks to the beach, and if we live closer to the mountains, we'll walk out on our porch and just look out at the green slopes. we'll swim in the Salto de Soroa waterfall, and i'll put an orchid in your hair. you'll look like a girl from an island, and your skin is so tan its like you'll be a native. we'll have a small kitchen and drink rum every night, i'll take you to town and we can visit the art galleries. life will be quiet. time wont rush us in cuba. time wont exist."

i realized after saying everything how badly i want it to be real. i want to see yaera on a beach in those bohemian dresses with the salty air flowing through her curls. i want to lay on my stomach and tan after she puts sunscreen on me. i want all of that. i dont want this shitty reality we've been dealt with. i wont accept it. i'll grab cuba with both hands once all this is over.

yaera turns around to look at me, her eyes stunned by my words. i rinse the tears off her face and hold her cheeks gently. she smiles at me.

"i want all of that," she whispers. "i even downloaded duolingo and some youtube videos to learn cuban spanish."

i chuckle against my will. "you're way ahead of me, ive just been looking for jobs."

"theres so much we can do, we'll have the money," she says. "since you told me you were in trouble, i started depositing the money in my account every few days. we'll be fine. its not millions, but we'll manage."

man, i dont know where i got so fucking lucky meeting someone like her. i plant a kiss on her lips, short and sweet as i hold my forehead to hers, tasting the nicotine on her mouth. its not that bad when its on her.

"to answer your question, i dont. i dont think we bring out the worst in each other. i think you saved my life."

yaera's lip starts to tremble. "when i was out there with santo, i didnt feel alone. having your gun with me...it was like having you there."

"ive always wanted him gone. i just didnt know i'd feel this bad."

"it means you're still human, yaera," i tell her. "do you think he felt bad after what he did to you?"

she shakes her head knowingly. "he just wanted to do it again. over and over."

"exactly. feel what you need to, but dont forget your life was in danger."

"i went there knowing i was going to kill him. no matter what happened, i was going to do it."

she sunk against my chest, the water submerging all the way to her neck. tears continue to spill down her cheeks as she gazed hollowly at the bathroom tiles.

"i dont know who i'll be in cuba. i just want it to be nothing like who i am now."

"then that's how it'll be, yaera. just know im here."

"you always are."

her voice, that had been wrecked with sobs the entire time, seemed to say that firmly. she believed it wholeheartedly. i needed her to keep believing that till hongjoong and mingi were dead. its all that can keep me going.

"san, are you religious?"

"not really. why?"

"im not either. but i grew up catholic. i think i want to get baptized again. especially after this."

religion was never a big thing for me. i thought of god often, but in a way that he abandoned me somehow. my life wouldnt be this shit if he didnt.

"do you want to do it with me?"

i cant bring myself to say no to her. especially because i know what baptism symbolizes. a cleanse from sin. renewal. fuck it, its on theme for the fresh start right? might as well.

"alright," i smile down at her when she looks up at me. "we can get baptized together."

***

when we're done in the bathroom, yaera passes out on the bed, her legs tangled between blankets and soft breaths falling from her lips. shes absolutely exhausted, she even fell asleep without eating anything.

when i return to wooyoung, theres a guy drinking in the living room with him. hes tall and a fucking unit of a guy. one of mao's guys whos supposed to help us out.

"this is wong yukhei," woo nods to the guy respectfully. "mao's prized getaway driver apparently."

"im not just a getaway driver," the guy says with a smile. he honestly looks like hes never done anything wrong in his life. i wonder if these gangs just have unlimited supply to innocent people, ready to awaken the worst parts of them.

"im also a milkman," he chuckles. "you can call me lucas."

woo and i look at each other but say nothing.

"so you know the plan right?" i ask him. "get us in...we take them out..."

"i take you to the warehouse...ship arrives next morning. we see woo off, then we get you to the airport."

its a solid plan. but i see a shit ton of things potentially going wrong. all i can think of is...me. honestly. im the only one with so much shit to lose. i involved a civilian whos life i care about. now everything had to be perfect because i was already on edge.

i wanted to explain the plan to yaera, but she decided to pass out. when i go to sleep with her, she curls up in a ball close to me, crying in her sleep the entire night.

she shivers in her sleep because of whatever nightmare shes having...but for some reason it doesnt wake her up. she never wakes up. i pull her onto my chest and she clutches onto me like a last breath, her eyes never opening once. its like shes scared to face whatever she thinks she'll see when she opens her eyes. i cant blame her for that.

i eventually fall asleep, but it doesnt last long. because at 8 in the morning, wooyoung, lucas and i are loading weapons into the car.

two massive CS/LR4s, chinese sniper rifles. the sheer size of it overwhelms me, knowing i have to pull that trigger today, and nothing can save me from it.

if i want to be happy with yaera on the streets of soroa one day, i have to do this.

if i want to stay alive, hongjoong has to die.

"okay...this is starting to feel real," woo says, letting out a constricted breath. "are you ready?"

im never ready. not for shit like this. but nevertheless, i nod and pat wooyoung on the back. lucas appears behind us, gesturing to the house.

"go wake up your girlfriend. we're not coming back here," he tells me.

i didnt know that. "are you taking her to the warehouse while we go to the wedding?" i ask him.

lucas shakes his head. "nope. we're all making one trip to the warehouse. cant risk getting tailed by the police or anyone by returning to locations."

"so shes coming with us?" i ask in disbelief.  "shes gonna be with us when we..."

lucas has a sympathetic frown on his face. "i know it sucks, but trust. this is the least dangerous option."

i at least wanted some time to reconcile with myself before seeing her again. i didnt want her to see me right after i kill someone. but fuck it. i cant have everything i want these days anyway.

i swallow hard and make my way back to the house to get yaera. shes completely disorientated when i wake her. "hey...come on. we need to leave this place, you'll stay with lucas while i take care of things. alright?" i say, hoping she grasps my words.

yaera frowns, looking so soft and vulnerable from her nap. it makes my stomach twist. "whos lucas?" she mumbles.

"one of mao's guys. come on."

i place a kiss on the top of her head before getting up. i want to give her some space before all this gets too real. i havent explained anything yet, and im wondering if i should leave it that way.

"wait san. where are we going now?"

i pause at the door. "the courthouse. mingi's getting married there to hongjoong's sister. and then...we're following them to the reception."

"oh."

saying that out loud even feels so fucking evil. but i guess we're past feeling guilt.

"its almost over, yaera. dont worry."

i dont know who i was trying to convince more. her, or myself.

"san?" her voice softens, forcing me to turn around. "please dont die."

***

yaera

the fact that san and wooyoung's lives are on the line gives me something big to focus on so i wont have to deal with what i did.

santo haunted my dreams all night. constantly there, constantly polluting the background. its like he was torturing me still from beyond the grave. somehow i thought that if i got rid of him, all the memories of what he did would go too. i guess i was too hopeful and simplified it all.

hes like a fucking parasite in my brain. i dont want to give him the time of day. but hes all i can think about.

san is dressed in all black, wearing his infamous mask and hat combo. this is san, the gangster. and yet, i still care about him the same. his darkness never scared me.

although, i wonder if hes disgusted by mine.

we get into the car, and i dont get to sit next to san. instead im next to one of mao's guys, who keeps smoking in the car. he sees me hungrily looking at it and i cave when he hands me the cigarette.

on the drive there, lucas puts on the john wick soundtrack of all things. i give him a weird look and he has a smile on his face thats so joyous its inappropriate for the shit going down today.

i turn around to look at san and wooyoung, and i can see how stressed they are and the fear in their eyes. wooyoung cant hold eye contact, looking around like a nervous dog. san just looks despondent. like hes way too deep in his head.

when we make it out of this alive, im going to give him the best head of his life.

hes been so good to me. when i crumbled he held me. when i wanted to die its like he was there to remind me that i so desperately wanted to live. choi san has to live. he made me come back to life.

we pull up to the courthouse, and right there we see a fancy limo pulling away from the courthouse with the back windows saying 'just married'. lucas points eagerly. "we got them just in time!"

"this is kinda funny," wooyoung says out of the blue. "this is like sleeping dogs."

"what?" san looks at him. "how are you making this about a videogame right now?"

"winston's the red pole of the sun on yee, the triad in the game. he gets gunned down at his wedding by the rival gang."

i turn around and give him a concerned. "is that where you got the idea?"

wooyoung shakes his head. "nah. i just found out that after mingi gets married, he plans to take a break from the gang and make hongjoong take his rank in the gang. with that fucker in charge, he'll try to wipe out the whole 108ths. and mingi still has to pay for what happened with yunho. so i thought, fuck it. two birds one stone."

a strange smile crept on wooyoung's face. "we wont get the rival gang's ending though. dogeyes gets what he has coming. we'll make it out alive, because we only gave others what they had coming."

"and what about us?" san asks, looking out the window. "what do we have coming?"

wooyoung and i look at each other awkwardly before i turn back in my seat. "can i have another cigarette?" i ask lucas.

"sorry, sweetheart. gave you my last," he says then turns down the music completely as we continue to follow the limo. my nerves are shot as we take every turn it takes, and i wonder how the fuck they cant see us.

"how are you doing this?" i ask. "how dont they know?"

"most people dont watch the world around them. plus, i think even gangsters want to relax on their wedding day, dont you think?" lucas says with a confident smile. "dont worry, if i have nothing to worry about, you have nothing to worry about. only thing that matters is getting in."

i dont know the plan, i feel like the less i know the better. i look out the window as we pass by the buildings and as i see my reflection, i see santo's face riddled with bullet holes. i jump in my skin trying, blinking hard to make it go away. everyone in the car looks at me in confusion.

"are you okay?" san asks me, touching my shoulder. i swallow hard.

"yeah. just thought i saw a bug."

***

san

the limo stops infront of a big hall and we see mingi get out, holding his hand out for his bride. her dress is big and puffy, dragging on the floor as she gets out. hongjoong gets out right after her, taking her on his arm. mingi runs inside the hall as hongjoong holds his sister's face, her smile big and full of excitement.

im nauseous.

"you guys are entering around back, right?" lucas says, swerving the wheel hard, making the car jerk into a turn. "alright. lets do this."

he parks around the side of the building, right under a tree. we see a bunch of people walking in suits and dresses to go to the hall. wooyoung gets out of the car, pulling up his mask as he unloads the duffelbag with our guns in it.

theres a wall, but its jumpable. i get out of the car after and go first, hoisting myself over so woo can toss me the bag. he vaults over right after, and before we know it, we're in the garden.

we see a few guys with suits loitering around the back entrance. they dont look like security, judging by the lack of guns. so woo and i take the risk of walking right past them.

"hey!" a guy calls us when we're inside. hes big and buff. "who are you?"

"security." i tell the guy. "just assessing the perimeter one last time."

the guy narrows his eyes on me. "did you check with the boss?"

"yeah, dude. he gave us the order," woo says. "do you really wanna go ask him while hes busy waiting on his bride? its gonna look like we dont listen."

"alright..." the fucker still isnt convinced. i nudge wooyoung and we walk away from him. but his eyes never leave us. we had to make this quick. this place is crawling with black dragons.

we rush to the second floor of the hall and we find four guys lounging on rows of seats, hidden behind tapestry and curtains. they straighten as they watch us approach, standing up as someone starts playing "hear comes the bride" on the organ.

wooyoung charges at the first guy, pulling out a knife and stabbing him in the stomach. the violence is a blur. i unload the guns and start putting them into position, when suddenly my collar is grabbed from behind and im yanked onto the floor.

i jump up and launch myself at the black dragon, throwing my fist at him. he quickly dodges, driving a big one into my stomach. im winded for a moment, but i block his knee from hitting me there again. he tosses me to the wall, trying to kick me in the head.

i roll away and start running up the rows of seats, and wooyoung throws a guy down, having me jump over his body as he tumbles. i pull my knife from my jeans, swinging out at the black dragon, who dodges my attacks and pulls out a blade of his own. fuck!

"little help here!" i shout at wooyoung. im not even sure if he can hear me over the music. but woo's thrill of violence is always a plus. he comes running, knocking the guy from behind with his entire body. he falls towards me and i drive my blade into him repeatedly, his eyes going wide as he spits blood in my face. he plunges his knife into my arm in the process and i bite on my teeth, throwing him off me. when he drops, i look around and see all of them bleeding out on the floor.

i groan and hold my arm, the both of us heading for the guns. i honestly dont know how good of a shot i am. ive been nothing but a runner and the muscle. the last time i was behind a gun, i dont fucking remember but its too late for that now.

this thing has a scope. and a trigger. it cant be that hard. and even if it is, wooyoung's here. he'll get it right.

we're in separate corners, the gun subtly peeking through the tapestry. wooyoung agreed, he would take out hongjoong, and i would do mingi. at this very moment, mingi's waiting at the front of the hall in his suit, with his groomsmen standing behind him. hongjoong is halfway down the aisle with his sister, the flower girls dropping pink petals behind her as he walks her.

i put my eye to the scope, aiming for his chest. i didnt trust myself with a headshot. so the heart would have to do.

my arm is hurting like a bitch. mingi's standing still. i want to do it while the music's still going, but i guess it doesnt matter right? its not like the music will hide this motherfucker falling and dying.

my finger rests on the trigger. i turn to look at wooyoung and he gives me a thumbs up, telling me its ok to go.

1...

2...

3...

i pull the trigger. and so does he.

mingi doubles over as his shirt starts to bloom with red, falling head first down the steps of the platform. the music stops. hongjoong goes down. and so does his sister.

thats when i realized. the bullet went right through her head and hongjoong's ear. he looks up as everyone starts screaming and running out of the hall. wooyoung tries to shoot again. he misses. hongjoong runs and ducks behind a table. everyones fucking screaming. he looks up right at us.

at me.

his eyes are wide and half his face is stained with blood. his sisters blood.

we fucked up.

"woo lets fucking go!" i yell to him and abandon the gun. wooyoung stares in horror as he stands up. i run to him and grab his arm. "come on!"

we run down the stairs and into the crowd of people, and we see hongjoong right there. his eyes are murderous as he pulls out a gun and starts chasing after us, shooting blindly. we duck inbetween bystanders, running out of the front gate. hes fucking bolting after us. woo and i dart down the street, making a turn into the street lucas is parked. we hop into the car just as hongjoong appears at the end of the street and aims his gun at the car.

"drive!" i scream. lucas pulls out of the parking as a bullet hits the back windshield, caving the entire thing in. "put your heads down!" lucas yells.

the car speeds off as more shots explode behind us and hongjoong stands in the middle of the street, watching until we disappear out of his sight.

"i fucked up!" wooyoung screams, beating the back of lucas's seat. "how did i fuck up so bad!"

"what happened?" yaera asks, her face crestfallen. "what did you..."

"he accidentally shot his sister," i answer. "its fine. its fine. mingi's dead."

"but we needed HIM dead!" woo's voice completely breaks. "i fucking shot a girl on her wedding day."

"its too late now okay!" i snap. "its fucking done. we're leaving. tomorrow youre going to hongkong and im going to cuba. they dont know that. let them be the 108ths problem. fuck miss A."

woo holds his head in his hands and starts sobbing. lucas starts going at a lightning speed, and i just wish i could disappear.

even if we fucked up. its over. it has to be.

***

next chapter

tagslist: @mountiiny @brown88 @sansonlygf @mingkisbitch @yutaslaugh

[senseioftheseidiots]

Me with Canon Wu: You let your brother go get your stuff for you and look what happened. You made a 'friend' of a Serpentine and taught her something you shouldn't have and looked what happen ! You filled a young child's mind up with dreams and broke them down and look what happened !! And even now with the Ninja, you don't tell them a single warning before they go into battle and LOOK WHAT'S STILL HAPPENING !! And after all of that, I find myself-!! Me with Your Wu:...still coming back here even though I shouldn't because you really need help with your issues and everyone makes mistakes and your superior- Nah, nah, I'm kidding but in all seriousness, your version is kind of what I want to believe for the character now. I don't hate on the original Wu since you can't beat the original but you also can't beat the fanon ! So with lots of love, enjoy making more content for him !

This has been sitting in my asks because I completely forgot about it- so ill use this as a headcanon dump, thankyou >:) You throw out alot of points here on the segment for canon wu, so let me throw in things ive held onto in hc to all of it PLEASE NOTE MOST IF NOT ALL OF THESE IS HC ALONE/TIMELINE SPECULATION "You let your brother go get your stuff for you and look what happened." This happened AFTER the meet with aspheera I believe, after it happened the two were forbidden to go outside monastery walls without permission, completely isolating them from the outside world in hopes nothing like that would happen again. Wu at this point was incredibly afraid to disobey his father because if their punishment from last time was isolation from a world outside their monastery, what more could happen to them? [it only got worse from there, but we arent talking about that yet.] "You made a 'friend' of a Serpentine and taught her something you shouldn't have and looked what happen !" Wu genuinely just wanted to be friends with someone, being the sons of god the fsm was rather picky on who exactly got to see the two. And he's never made proper connections until now, through out the entirety of their childhood [before teens] im pretty sure all wu knew as companionship was his brother, and when he found someone willing to help them, he didnt want to think about the warnings for the chance that she might actually be good, and that keeping a promise was the way to gain a friend " You filled a young child's mind up with dreams and broke them down and look what happened !! " If were talking about morro here, ANOTHER HC TIME to fuel my delulu state, look- He didnt WANT him to fight garmadon, hear me out here- if you go back to the scene of morro being tested to be the green ninja, the sword of fire ISNT the sword of fire. My hc here is this is the ONE time he's tried to change destiny for the better. It doesnt mean morro was destined, no, this was going to happen either way, but he tried changing destiny because this wasnt morro's fight, and he was afraid of what may need to come if it DID end up being him that was destined. He didnt want that. But when he did do it and got his own student killed [he tried finding him. he tried getting him back, he didnt want to come back.] He gave up. And this is where his mindset solidified, he couldnt change destiny, people will die, and itll be his fault. This was his fathers punishment for him. " And even now with the Ninja, you don't tell them a single warning before they go into battle and LOOK WHAT'S STILL HAPPENING !! " This one is funny to me cause, one, wu doesnt know how to fucking trauma dump I dont think he would even be able to think about it unless someone asks him, its actually the 'it never came up' thing. BUT, he wouldnt want to say much too quickly due to Morro's incident. Hell he didnt even want the ninja to see the green ninja scroll. If he had said too much too quickly, well theyll either turn evil or die..or both-

" .still coming back here even though I shouldn't because you really need help with your issues and everyone makes mistakes and your superior- " Hehe, thank you!!! I hope you enjoy the buncha headcanons i have here for you

[borathae]

ok finally doing this after a nap

Chapter 3

What is wrong with me *me 24/7, ALSO YES WHAT WAS ALL THAT???

Ever since you set foot into this estate, your brain went into a total frenzy YES EXACTLY AND it seems like she can remember hmmm

Why does everything here look so ancient? YOU NEED TO READ FANFICS to learn to live (except we dont get lucky yn parts just the unlucky embarrassing parts but thank god we aint dying every 5 chapter like yn)

You remember drinking one glass of wine. the said glass of wine:

It is totally normal to forget your date’s name after sleeping in his guestroom never been on a date, but i forgot someone's name after sitting next to them all day and realized after class while talking to bestie and had to wait till attendance next day -_-

ok the door is still locked. he told her to keep them locked and she did, but opened it for a sec and locked it again during the night. and the entire teleporting happened. this is a bit confusing hmmm. like opening it for a sec caused the change, but she locked it again. then how did they get her inside again? the bruise is there so it means it was real. the lock must have some magic and opening it during night causes it to go away?? i will think later lol

Did you punch your own throat in your sleep oof

Why did he know where to look exactly it wasnt a dream babe

istg im about to bitch slap this bitchless dude (TAE I LOVE U DONT TAKE IT TO THE HEART)

You should take better care of your belongings Kim Taehyung damn

He creeps me out honestly speaking all of them are creepy, yoongi is 10% less

just like that all your worries are wiped away like magic. like magic or with magic 👀👀(were u silent or silenced)

your knees are buckling like crazy THIS WILL BREAK ME THIS IS GONNA BREAK ME

Okay not going to lie, this was kind of cool you know whats more cooler??? jimin feeding his cycle 😂 THAT REMINDS ME OF JIN RIDING THE CYCLE HANDS FREE *fans myself

You snort, “so very humble.” ikr sOoOo HuMbLe

hmm usually you see cats sitting on horses, chilling. yoongles must be a rare kitty

Tell me again, why are you studying?” seriously dude must be bored as fuck to study, or started to forget cuz its beeen toooo looong

hold on what if some old being makes some theories and is "killed/disappeared" and later, with a different identity, studies his own theories in college 😭 and continues with it lol

It earned you a scholarship, it clearly must be well written.” or was it something to bring her to them??? 👀 *sus

The entrance exam stole my sanity from me. Even after a week of completing it I still felt jittery.” what type of students go there? what type of university is that? very weird

sunlight was just too bright for his eyes, DONT BE AN UNCULTURED SWINE, THATS WHEN UR SUPPOSED TO TWITCH AND SAY I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

Emma left, she won’t come back again EMMA DIED FOR SURE OOF

It was a clean and painless end whats that supposed to mean mr.dracula?

Taehyung was a man of such humour ikr him in interviews 😭

Taehyung knew such peculiar stories about places and that doesnt seem weird???

the rain part was soo cute it could me giggling and listening too still with you

wow the honesty was cool, though there is many secrets, some parts feels really raw.

we are both pick-me girls then BAHAHA PLS *starts playing pd48 pick me

they are so cute im gonna die

(the way i started slightly mad at tae and then ended up simping, sighs)

THEY ARE GONNA HAVE ANOTHER DATE YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE

i cant wait for 2seokkook's pov and her talking to them woohoo

i love how smoothly its written, like everything just flows nicely, the scenes and dialogues, its like those nice cozy well directed movies that you watch with pillows and blanket and rested face, body and mind

its only been 3 chapters, obviously the suspense wouldnt make me grip my pillow yet but its already made me clutch my blanket/pearls lol

jjdafjs it took me so long to figure out how the wine pic happened HAHAHA this is such a funny idea help fjadjfs 😭😂

What is wrong with me *me 24/7, ALSO YES WHAT WAS ALL THAT???

ISTFG WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS ESTATE???

Ever since you set foot into this estate, your brain went into a total frenzy YES EXACTLY AND it seems like she can remember hmmm

like the suspicion is growiinnggg

Why does everything here look so ancient? YOU NEED TO READ FANFICS to learn to live (except we dont get lucky yn parts just the unlucky embarrassing parts but thank god we aint dying every 5 chapter like yn)

it doesn't make sense to you yet probably but I wanna be SA!OC so bad jfasdjf

It is totally normal to forget your date’s name after sleeping in his guestroom never been on a date, but i forgot someone's name after sitting next to them all day and realized after class while talking to bestie and had to wait till attendance next day -_-

girliepop me all the time, I forget names so easily (the same with song titles FAFAJDS like I kid you not I even forgot BTS song titles sometimes like it's so bad)

ok the door is still locked. he told her to keep them locked and she did, but opened it for a sec and locked it again during the night. and the entire teleporting happened. this is a bit confusing hmmm. like opening it for a sec caused the change, but she locked it again. then how did they get her inside again? the bruise is there so it means it was real. the lock must have some magic and opening it during night causes it to go away?? i will think later lol

hmhmhmhm interesting theory indeed mhmhmmh or perhaps 👀 someone made her lock the door again and then think everything was just a dream 👀 mhmhmhm

You should take better care of your belongings Kim Taehyung damn

"belongings" LIKE THE ICK

He creeps me out honestly speaking all of them are creepy, yoongi is 10% less

JFJADSJF YES jhfahsdhf I agree fjadjfa

just like that all your worries are wiped away like magic. like magic or with magic 👀👀(were u silent or silenced)

INDEED LIKE WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HER???

Okay not going to lie, this was kind of cool you know whats more cooler??? jimin feeding his cycle 😂 THAT REMINDS ME OF JIN RIDING THE CYCLE HANDS FREE *fans myself

omg hahahaha this scene 😭😭 he is such a goof I love him 😭😭 Seokjin is honestly so hot I need to inhale him

hmm usually you see cats sitting on horses, chilling. yoongles must be a rare kitty

*cries* he is indeed a kitty

Tell me again, why are you studying?” seriously dude must be bored as fuck to study, or started to forget cuz its beeen toooo looong

LMOAOAO FOR REAL LIKE FADHF couldn't be mE FJASDJF

hold on what if some old being makes some theories and is "killed/disappeared" and later, with a different identity, studies his own theories in college 😭 and continues with it lol

👀 interesting ohohooh

It earned you a scholarship, it clearly must be well written.” or was it something to bring her to them??? 👀 *sus

OOOOOH IMAGINEEEEE 👀👀

The entrance exam stole my sanity from me. Even after a week of completing it I still felt jittery.” what type of students go there? what type of university is that? very weird

IT IS INDEED VERY WEIRD ALL OF IT 👀

sunlight was just too bright for his eyes, DONT BE AN UNCULTURED SWINE, THATS WHEN UR SUPPOSED TO TWITCH AND SAY I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

lmaoaooaoao in her defence I have really sensitive eyes too and can barely stay in the sun without my eyes ACHING jfadsjfj so it IS possible

Emma left, she won’t come back again EMMA DIED FOR SURE OOF

👀 mhmhmhmmh

It was a clean and painless end whats that supposed to mean mr.dracula?

LIKE HELLO WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER????

Taehyung was a man of such humour ikr him in interviews 😭

I love him 😭😭

Taehyung knew such peculiar stories about places and that doesnt seem weird???

kfadjsfasj she is just here for a good time not a long time lmaooa

wow the honesty was cool, though there is many secrets, some parts feels really raw. they are so cute im gonna die (the way i started slightly mad at tae and then ended up simping, sighs) THEY ARE GONNA HAVE ANOTHER DATE YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE

fjadjfjad I love how you switched instnatly JFJADSJF THIS IS SO ME WHEN SANGUIS TAE FJADSJFJ

i love how smoothly its written, like everything just flows nicely, the scenes and dialogues, its like those nice cozy well directed movies that you watch with pillows and blanket and rested face, body and mind. its only been 3 chapters, obviously the suspense wouldnt make me grip my pillow yet but its already made me clutch my blanket/pearls lol

gaaah thank youuu <3 I'm so happy that you're having such a good time with it heheheh istfg I love reading your comments, they're so awesome heheheh 🥺😭💜💜

[notthestarwar]

gold teeth and a taste for this town sounds fascinating O.O

ahhhh ok so I kind of love this. it's entirely self indulgent and I had a great time writing the first 3000 words and then realised that i'd set myself up with a mammoth task if I were ever going to manage to explain the backstory enough so that anyone but me understood what the hell was happening.

so the story is set in this kind of small dead-end, americana esque town. one day a stranger rolls in to town and wanders in to the restaurant Fox works in. And it's like he's wandered in to the wrong story, he's walked straight out of a space opera and now he's sitting in front of Fox, like thats a thing that happens. never left this small town and thinks he probably never will: fox.

and then! maul has the cheek to start quizzing Fox, and acting like Fox is out of place. As far as Maul is concerned, he's landed on some dead end planet, walked in to an even deader town, and found a clone. Maybe the last clone. And this clone, is acting like he belongs here, like he has no idea who Maul is, like he's never known war, like he's never known anything but this place.

it's so bizzare that it shakes maul out of his usual, stab first, ask questions later attitude. he arrived on this planet a bit lost, there isnt really anything left for him. his ex master took over the galaxy, and he didnt need maul to do it. maul has tried his hand at leadership, at crime. but whats the point. but then. he stumbled upon this mystery, and against all reason it just, compells him.

so maul asks some more questions and it becomes apparent that fox woke up here with no memory, assumed he belonged, and everyone in this town felt so fucking awful for him (they're out of the way but news of the war reached them. news of the clones seemingly fizzling out after the empire, supposedly all gone). they just... didnt correct his assumption. and based on like. books he's read and the gossip he hears from the locals about each other, fox has just pieced together that he's this small town boy, who's never left. of course it doesnt QUITE feel right, fox shouldnt believe it, but he wants to.

he's a clever man and he can see the way the townspeople look at him, he sees them treating him gently and he thinks, he knows, that something really bad must have led to him losing his memory. of course he assumes its something bad of the level that might happen in a town like this. he lost his family? were they murdered? was it an illness? whatever it is, nobody speaks of them (because they were never in this town!!!) so it must have been bad.

and maul just keeps following him round trying to unravel this mystery and the companionship ends up doing something to him. maybe its a mixture of the hopelessness and boredom that brought him to this place, as well as the companionship. but either way, maul begins to connect with fox, even though fox hasnt the slightest clue who he is, and through this, Maul slowly begins to deal with his own shit. through fox, he can see what palpatine did to people. through fox, he can see it wasnt right, that fox didnt deserve it. and that eventually will lead to him realising that the same thing might apply to him as well.

and a maul without that first wound (once it begins to heal), wouldnt really be the maul we know from canon. where is his motivation to keep killing, to keep everyone away? he's still maul about it. he's still a dick and he's sharp and mean. but he isnt on a rampage anymore.

and thats the story. its a small town, slow story about two men who never really felt like they needed friends, becoming friends. its about these 2 victims of palpatine, finding solace in each other because they both went through the same thing, even though one of them has no idea. its a weird one, but I love it. i'll probably never post it tbh cause its kind of confusing i guess? but its like my ugly child lol i still love it.

its still in first draft format as i never intended to share it, but heres some of it.

thank you for asking!

[icharchivist]

maybe lucifer is into watching belial get laid tho. lucifer would never touch anyone other than sandy but belial doesnt strike me as mutually exclusive with lucilius. so lucifer lives vicariously through his slut of a brother and is happy for him finally getting some attention from his loving fans. you wouldnt wanna deprive them of that right?

type of ask that is exactly why i didn't elaborate when i first hinted at it, while also reminding me that i'm a fool to have thought i could just mention it and not have to pay the price of my hubris, i'm boo oo the fool.

I need to elaborate on an analysis standpoint that we KNOW Belial has sex with others people though, there's this Erune girl that he ends up killing that goes on about how much she got it going with Belial, so we know that him flirting around isn't just talk. Like yeah emotionally speaking he's devoted to Lucilius and no one else but listen if you're lover has been a decapitated head for two thousand years and you're a horny bastard you gotta find physical affection elsewhere. (and while i'm here damning my hubris i'm still here with the further hubris of thinking of adding something horrible to this paragraph and holding back, while also knowing just saying that is going to bring attention to it so now i have to say it, this is an awful day)(anyway isn't it great that getting a head has multiple meanings that doesn't make this specific situation particularly cursed)(this is the thing that was in my mind btw don't ask me to elaborate i've spilled the beans it's enough already😭)

POINT IS that Belial is clearly going around on this one and isn't exclusive to Lucilius, that is a fact.

for Lucifer though....................................... no comment. This ask has already gone completely off tracks and i don't know how i can possibly live with myself after it.

I would gladly deprive him of that though, on a scale from Belial to Lucifer how do you live your slutty life when your beloved is basically away from you for over 2k years. It's terrible either way so hey.

[midnighteloquence]

i just wanna talk

uh minor (MINORS!!!!!!!!) vent because im thinking

(mention of sui, sh, purg1ng, etc)

i actually dont know what to feel anymore. i dont really feel much these days except for pure, unbridled sadness. i can feel excited over my interests, but that excitement doesnt really last long till im just nothing again.

ive been getting more frequent stomach aches. not a stomach bug i mean the anxiety stomach aches. theyre here right now actually. ive just been super anxious and on edge recently, and i dont know how to stop the ever growing pit in my stomach. it grows every time i enter a room, when i have to present something infront of my classmates, when someone talks to me, when i text people, when im alone, when im with people. its everywhere and i dont like it.

earlier this term i avoided people because i was just so tired and empty. i hoped that it would somehow make me feel better, if i avoid the person who did me wrong. it really didnt. i didnt give them a satisfactory answer whenever they playfully insulted me because i could not bare to have them insult me one more fucking time. you know what happened? they started saying “ok.” to me saying literally fucking anything. i said “ok” to you dryly because you pissed me off, but if im talking about my interests casually thats nothing to be pissed off about.

i apologised to them for distancing myself (even though i was trying to fix my mental health) and told them i would talk to them more even though i dont like them anymore. the next day they sent a paragraph talking about how i wasnt really “proving myself” and that “they waited for me to talk to them instead of them starting the rare conversations we have” which actually killed me a bit. thats over exaggerating but im trying my fucking hardest to try and be your friend but my best isnt worthy enough. and also when have you ever put any effort into what im saying? like actually if i talk about my interests you say shit like “thats crazy” in a disinterested tone. i may be autistic but i can still pick up that you do not fucking care for a word i say. i actually pay attention, and you tell me im not proving myself to you? im sorry i started ranting haha

i think my crush started hating me. and this is a super common thing with all of my crushes for some reason. i just cant get them to not think im annoying. i just get so attached to them and the thought of being with them that they just stop liking me. and then i pick up on this and ask them constantly if they like me. he barely texts me anymore, his texts are super dry, its so obvious he doesnt want to talk to me. i started leaving him on read, just hoping he’ll start liking me again. thats probably super immature and slightly mentally unstable of me but idk im sorry

i stopped thinking about my future because i dont think i see one. i spent all week tired, crying in the school bathrooms, crying in my own bathroom, or crying in my room. i post constantly about killing myself or cvtting myself or purging because at this point i do not care what happens to me. my friend might be moving, my other friend im so fucking tired of, my other other friend is probably tired of me, the rest of the friendgroup probably wouldnt care less about me, i havent been the daughter i couldve been to my parents, im distant towards my brother, my crush lives far away anyways and probably doesnt like me anymore. it just seems like nothings really worth it. how likely is it that i get into a good university and get a good job? i dont even know what i want to do with my life past 18. the clubs i joined are just exhausting to go to now, im making no progress in my language learning, i get average scores in my tests, the only two hobbies i have i barely do anymore. its just so nothing

i have no dreams or aspirations, i have no hope for the future of not only me, this whole world. it will take me a hot 48 hours to think of a thing i wanna pursue. no one wants to be in a relationship with me. im pretty but not pretty enough for people to like me, and even if someone’s attracted to me, theres still my personality. its nothing special, plus just a bunch of red flags like jealousy, attachment, being distant, being sensitive, the list can go on. im just nothing really, i feel nothing, my personality is nothing, my looks are nothing, im nothing.

idk what else to say so bye :0) (clown)

[the-whispers-of-death]

for some reason i literally cannot stop thinking about mlp!stone with a broken horn. because in gen4, im 99% sure there was literally only 1 occasion on camera where we saw a pony with a broken horn (aka tempest shadow/fizzlepop berrytwist my QUEEN) and she was in the fucking movie and girlie got mauled by a literal magical bear then, as a literal child. so now im going down a full thought rabbit hole of "what if pony horns are like human skulls. very soft and moldable for the first little while until it solidifies" cuz like maybe thats a reason the magical bear managed to rip it off, cuz they were literally thought to be indestructible (in fanon) before then!!!!!! idk i am very much so thinking way too deeply about this. and that brings me to pony!stone. because. how the fuck would be manage to get his horn shattered? i mean. theres an onslaught of OP magical beings in the mlp universe (read: the fucking magical space bear from before). and like. the only thoughts that come to mind are either like. it happened because a certain awful father. or. in the caunterlot royal guard. if thats where we're even placing him. and an idea just came to me where hes a changeling and simply takes on that body to appear like an easier target (which he absolutely is not. this horse has a license to kill). but idk if changelings as a species even fit him. cuz they all get reformed in the end and stuff. so back to horse he goes. but that still doesnt answer the question. tirek and king sombra are still in the equasion though. but sombra's a weak ass bitchbaby so that means tirek is the answer. with his freaky ass 12 year old side-kick. and i mean. there was that one epic fight scene going on with like a shit tonna magical energy so yknow. he couldve been gotten hit. if it werent for the fact the fight took place in fucking NOWHERE. so now im mad again. and unfortunately the falloutxmlp crossover books arent canon. cuz that sure wouldve made this a whole bunch easier. so. back to a certain father we go. sorry stone, into the meat grinder with you </3. wait wouldnt a damaged horn count as a disability. so. would he even be allowed in the horse army. what. oh no. eh fuck it hes already fucked up in canon and that version of him gets to be there. so. why not at this point

((sorry. i just. needed to have a brainstorm session with myself. cuz. i cant stop thinking about this!!!!!! i am the most mentally stable person out there. no i didnt watch the mlp movie like religiously when it came out wdym. no mlp lore videos are not my fave past time.. haha... ahem..))

~ rusty <- most shame ive ever felt putting my tag there /j

I'll be honest, I've never seen anything mlp-related ever. But um, I think Stone's broken horn would totally be because of Bharat. Because Bharat's neglectful and abusive in every universe. Unfortunately for Stone.

[leafiion]

shelly's so sweet actually im getting more into her character shes cute. lumi is cute too even though she doesnt fucking exist. LMAOOOO ME AND EVE SHARE OPINIONS ON FLORA like FR she sucked. i mean shes interesting but SHE SUCKKSSSS. even though eve is still uh. :/ idk

im sure cain would agree with you. actually no he wouldnt i dont think he likes it there but i think he absorbed the 'queerness'. he eated it.

the lack of dialogue from victoria and cain makes me so sad theyre like never saying anything. its fucked.

invite me next time D:

why are you saying sorry. i love that guy

ahhh... interlude with my fav... girl. take the adoption papers

YOU ARE SO MEAN

real as hell. bring my man back i miss him. oh my god more fucking dramatic monologues GUYS PLEASE IM RIGHT HERE. I CAN STAND IT WHEN YOURE TALKING TO ME BUT YOURE NOT YOURE JUST IGNORING ME.

never mind im gonna throw up and die. FERN. IM GONNA KILL MYSELF

uuuuu ferrrnnnn

UAGGGHGHHGHGGGGG

IM GONNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF FOR REAL FUCK. FUCK

[goremet-chef]

me feeling guilty for not saving someone in my dream like i

if i knew what was going on i wouldve got him im so sorry man if it happened too fast and i shouldve known i shouldve called out or grabbed him but i just panicked and ran and he fucking died because of me

i know i shouldnt be so upset, it was only a dream, but

my dreams are very vivid, and it doesnt help that like. when im stressed, i dissociate, and my brain tends to wander to the worst possible scenario, and itll stick. i find it really really hard to pull myself out of it because to me, what happens in my head seems just as real, maybe even MORE real than what happens irl

so even if its been hours since the stressful event, i might still be just as stressed (maybe even more stressed) because im stuck in a "what if" scenario that will play itself out fully and its hard to shake it off

that happened in my dream, something bad happened at our highschool and even after i escaped and ran to my friends house, i was in her house and crying and begging for her help because i could still hear the screams and shit even though i was far away and safe

i think THATS what really fucked with me, my brain playing off of my own trauma response and applying it to my dreams just made it so real, cuz yeah i am stuck in horrible events typically, any time they happen im stuck there even after they end, stuck in a spiral of what couldve happened if things got worse you feel me?

even after im awake and its been several hours i still feel that same dread, its making it hard to breathe

the worst part? the dream was so good at first. i was friends with a youtuber i watch and we went to school together and i sat with his friends on the first day cuz he invited me and they were accepting of me being trans and i fit right in immediately as one of the guys. i was so happy man. it felt so fucking good to just be seen as i am, for someone to be EXCITED to know me, even if i was new

its something i struggle with constantly, i just never really fit in no matter where i go. even when i make friends, and things seem to be going great, ill second guess myself and step away. ill perceive rejection where there isnt any and ill assume they dont want me around, etc. its a never ending cycle of me being unable to keep anything good, its so.

AGGRAVATING it suck ass. sometimes its not even me! i know i say this a lot but i mean it genuinely when i say that normal people find me offputting and weird immediately. there is no second guessing, there is no oh maybe ill get to know him, NO. i freak people out with my mannerisms alone, and its really sad. i didnt have hardly any friends in highschool since i moved from my hometown to go, i made a total of 4 over the course of 3 years, and of those 4, 3 moved away. my last year was the saddest loneliest thing ever, all my teachers thought i was depressed and thought i wanted to kill myself so they were all nice to me and checking on me. it was so humiliating? to be so isolated that people NOTICE yr isolated

nevermind when i started hallucinating, that was soo great 😁 really loved that era /s

my life has been drowned out with such a profound loneliness that i dont even know where to start to combat it. it hurts my heart to think about it. to think about the jealousy and embarrassment i felt for the longest time when i realized my closest friends, my ONLY friends, had friends outside of me. that no matter what, even in a group as weird as us, id be the weirdest and i wouldnt be as charming as them, i couldnt keep a conversation like them and so all i had was them

now i do have other friends, but its still.. i dont know how to talk. and i know i make posts like this every once and a while but i guess im just? im a very low maintenance friend i guess. if we're friends, i will always like you. if we dont fall out in some sort of way, i will always hold you close to my heart. even if we dont talk much, i still love you

i dont really know how to like? ENGAGE i struggle with engaging. im alone all the time so i just talk about myself and my things in my own channel, i live through my characters most of my day. i feel like i might be a bad friend? as much as i like to insist i can handle someone and i know what its like to feel rejection and shit cuz of bpd, i think im still not good. i dont know how to engage with someone, i wanna have a meaningful conversation but if its not about my stuff, im bad at responding. i care!! i swear i do, i just dont know how to make that super clear, cant ask questions cant do any of that i just try to make it clear that i want to hear more yknow? i guess im just used to talking nonstop to myself so i just figure thats how other people like to have conversations too, but i think im wrong

idk it sucks. my heart is heavy today. im gonna try and draw cuz i want to but theres just so many things. im stressed, is all

[thesugarhole]

from my tags

i just think itd be fun to role reversal. something else snaps snippy back into pre bomb dex mode and he says something like, idfk: 'mr hatchenson your ability to hide off grid is remarkable. they had to send the best of the worst just for you' (he wouldnt fucking say that but you know me lmao) (I'm cooking absolutely nothing btw its just loose thoughts rattling in my head)

i had some more notes i didnt share in case i doodled it in the future but i know myself. the time between writing down a want to do something and actually doing it can be years. and frankly i want to share it anyway so heres more loose thoughts. sorry for typos that make reading this hard (if anyone actually reads it) i cant proof read anything right now. please note where i currently am in my rereading and a lot of this could contradict current, future or even past canon, on the account of me not knowing shit fuck half the time

before i forget right after 'he wouldnt fucking say that' in my notes i have pilot going "*whistle* sniper, thats really somethin! but i cant actually play with you right now, because i have to go be over there. see ya!" and he starts legging it asodhjdk he wouldnt fucking say that the collection

i think that turning unconnectables into connectable dexes is possible but i want to imagine they genuinely couldnt with snippy. that grey matter just aint right. and rather than kill him off they realized they changed just enough of him that he would still be obedient/a model g-dir employee without it, and that they could use all his past offline knowledge to their advantage in hunting other unconnectables with huge debts so thats my excuse. plus, annets infatuation with humanity likely wouldnt allow them to kill snippy because there would be no way to keep him alive somewhere else (like how all of humanity is technically still alive in the 'cloud' as backup or whatever)

design wise you could modernize pilot (to a fault- i get its implied he went for the old ass gear for the noir aesthetic) and vintagize snippy- he could get that wwii type respirator with the huge filter either in the center or to the left, for example. avoid using the one with the hose/cannister though because thats what pilot has. title could stay as is too, 'sniper'.

british just like his flat ass lol. creative liberties to put some (unmoving?) eyebrows on that beast and its set (now that i think about it, was pilots reveal as an android (not actually breathing?) an excuse to explain why his mask hose isnt connected to anything? ....hmmmMMMMMM.)

in canon (IC) snippys outfit is just his tour guide gear, respirator and gun included. modern pilots dont have any sort of cool looking gear other than those headphones with the mic i think, and in any case pilot is pilot in name only, he doesnt actually have pilot gear nor a pilot job. with both those things in mind do you think i could get away with just putting a bikers helmet on him. you know. still a "pilot" i mean my mans driving. but its a bike. (and it would probably aggravate him to be mistaken for an actual pilot since thats not within his skills set) probably not... probably some frankenstein of it with aaaaaaaaaaaa (looks at my google search) 3M FF-402 respirator though. to be elaborated upon depending on how goofy it looks. even if he's fully human in this he should be allowed to have just a bike helmet on a hoe never gets cold radiation poisoning etc

pilot would understand only partially the bizarre rules of post apoc world and whatever captain is up to (still leagues better than snippy who refuses it all IC), but would not be as open to them and only go along with it if results in something useful. no whimsys allowed. FASCINATED with captain at all times regardless, crush on captain sometimes (vs in absolute love with zeer IC). i think both -fascinated with captains ways but not willing to go along with zeer's plans- are ideas that can coexist to a degree. still hates haircuts (letting his hair grow out) and is allergic to pineapples (bad because thats whats for eatin half the time). also, he would sympathize with the unconnectables struggles but wouldnt advocate for the fruit terrorism some of them do. was aware of the rumors of a "prophesied leader of the unconnectables named charles snippy, sadly passed away" or something idk. no hope basically and terrorism aggravates. post apoc he also gets the snippy IC treatment where captains always taking away his katana / various smaller weapons, but he gets to have One concealed revolver for the noir detective aesthetic. 1 bullet for extra dramatics. wants to be called christophorus, everyone says either chris, hatchenson, mr. hatchenson or pi. F

snippy is more complicated to think in this context since he's already so cynical/pessimist (even if he tries not to be). like i want to stay in line with that but would also want him to go silly go crazy like pilot does IC is that not the joy of living in a world where youre not constantly being sued. theres also the fact that biomatrix 117 wouldnt be able to anchor him because of his mechanical parts... like i said romac more or less the same but this fact alone would drastically change the storyline. you attach 117 to pilot but then what. then what? i didnt think that far ahead even though i specifically had the annet reconnect arc in mind, to which 117 is a vital part because its them that bring snippy back from the dead anyway. ignore this issue teehee

he didnt understand the world before being a dex, he didnt understand the world after becoming a dex. more or less the same knowledge of how annet technology works, how it used to give him headaches daily by trying to connect to him, how post capitalism is hell, and how quiet the world actually is since almost every noise from speech to music is being telepathed. in post apoc i think he would be very aloof and easy to distract. HORRIBLE short term memory. spacial oxymoron: knows his cardinal directions, gets lost anyway. WILL disappear forever if not kept a close eye on. also sluggish, as if running on 50% battery at all times. DESPITE ALL THIS he's here now to have a good time not a long one. weeb tendencies more on display: naruto running, sports protagonist motivational speech, knocks on his forehead and teehees when he does something stupid, 2000s style fall on the floor when someone ELSE says something stupid, the works. also an outstanding sharpshooter if the need arises (ive yet to see snippy actually shoot anything IC but i mean they keep taking away his guns so. he couldnt even if he wanted). like you know those silly 10ish pages in tenkuu shinpan where the sniper is like "im gonna shoot that beam and the bullet will reflect and ricochet and hit my target ok here i go" snippy would be able to do that in half a second flat without a second thought. he would painfully narrate it in that manga overexplaining style though afterwards just for funsies

almost forgot again i dont have a whole lot on engie i can actually use until he gets introduced in the comic but i think he would know unconnectables get connected when dexified so snippy would interest him once he found out he's a dex. and he would start rambling while examining him closer and snippy would hiss like a kitten so loud and deafening engie would stop, shut up, stand up straight, and go hide behind pilot lmao

--------------------

edit 1: pilot can pilot confirmed; i dont know however if its because he is a dex or if he knew before it so my previous thought about it still stands until proven otherwise

edit 2: there have been experiments in canon to turn unconnectables to connectables but they have a high mortality rate. there was no mention of this being connected to the dex program but what better chance to try than when youre already harvesting their organs right? would it have an equal high mortality rate if its for dex purposes? in any case i think i can also still maintain them trying to make snippy connectable without killing him (but nothing worked regardless)

idr who (or if it was in the wiki) but someone said pilots hose IS connected to something unseen so idk anymore. i have also finally seen snippy shoot something in the comic and it was decent shooting and strategizing so yay! and on a last note engie hiding behind captain when snippy tries to talk to him in the comic is so funny like i had no idea. how did i manage to channel that in this post months ago without knowing he really DOES hide behind people

---------------------

edit3: hiiii :3 to my old post. note: snippy is 100% unscannable- everyone always has some degree of wifi to experiment on but not him! and i knew this from my first time reading! so we stay winning on that front- experiment all you want that shit is analog

ive had the stupidest self indulgence idea ever where its romac more or less as normal but g-dir got to snippy first instead of pilot. adjust plot for character personalities, make snippy maintain his unconnectability as a dex for extra spice and something could work out here

[lolawassad]

Hey it’s me again. I have another request haha I was wondering if you could write a murphy x reader where the reader falls asleep on his shoulder and he goes all soft and is like “nobody fucking move or i’ll kill you myself or sum” haha. And if you want you could harper and monty be like the readers parents again. And in they case it would be like they finally understand that Murphy actually cares about the reader and isn’t just using them or something. (he proves himself to them in a way yk?)

Hope this makes sense, happy writing!! :))

John murphy (almost wrote john purple??) X reader

3rd pov

Monty walks in with a big smile "i did something new with the algae" he says proudely murphy who is sitting next to y/n scoffs.

"You trying to put me in a coma again?" He asks annoyed, making y/n and harper giggle "yeah 'dad' you trying to kill my boyfriend?" Y/n asks playfully, the dad part makes monty smile even more and the boyfriend part makes murphy cockily put his arm over his girlfriends shoulder with a smirk.

"See shes on my side" murphy says proud making the girl next to him shake her head "murp.. Dont be rude to my dad, he might actually poison the algea, remember the whole 'ill kill ya' speech he gave?" She asks concerned.

Bellamy glares at the couple in front of him as if echo isnt holding his hand on the table and scoffs "face it murphy, you wont ever be good enough for our little sunshine" he mocks, y/n kicks him under the table and echo slaps his chest letting go of his hand "dont be mean, i think.. You guys are a very cute couple" echo smiles before adding "remember my threat too okay little sky boy?"

Y/n sighs annoyed before shaking her head and walking away from the dinner table.

Murphy glares at the older couple before chasing after his girlfriend "doll" he yells before grabbing her arm, he lifts her up bridal style and takes her to the big window facing earth, he sits her down and then sits next to her.

"They just really fucking love you baby" he tells y/n making her scoff "its so annoying, everybody is a couple everyone deserves happieness but then i wanna be happy with you and its not okay, i mean i have had a crush on you since you punched finn the first day on earth cause he looked at me funny and then blamed it on me being friends with jasper so i was under your protec-" he cuts her off with a kiss

"i have had a crush on you since that day too, i didnt think you wanted anything to do with me because you scolded me and i didnt talk to you until after i got hanged and you stormed up and demanded they take me down. When connor put that knife against your throat i got so fucking pissed, thats why i took my anger out on him instead of wanting Charlotte to get floated. im happy Charlotte is still alive by the way, i heard she met a grounder her age before the bunker closed" y/n's head falls onto murphy's shoulder and he pulls her closer, their backs now against the wall facing the window "do you wanna go back J?" Y/n asks looking at earth

John just shrugs "im going where ever the fuck my girl is, so.. Do you wanna go back, doll?" The girl nods her head "i wanna see clarke, make up with her, i wanna see octavia, and just give her a hug, she needs one" she says

murphy nods in agreement before snorting "i bet she and lincoln are making childern as we fucking speak" y/n laughs

"Gross, i wouldnt be surprised if they already had a child though, i remember octavia saying she would have some kids with him when she told me about their relationship for the first time" she says

"what about you? You wanna have kids with me?" He asks, his mouth is in a smirk but his eyes are filled with hope. Y/n nods "fuck yeah, i want 3, and we shall call em huey dewey and louie-" he slaps her shoulder "fucking brat" he scolds her with a playfull laugh.

Murphy softly lays his head on her head and they just sit in silence watching the earth, it doesnt take long for y/n to fall asleep, leaving murphy with his thoughts on how lucky he is.

Then he hears the voices of the others, when they enter the hall way he softly but harshly tell them "shut the fuck up if you wake her i will take out your fucking eyeballs and shove them where the sun doesnt fucking shine yeah?" Before softly pulling his girl so shes laying on the floor with her head in his lap and starts playing with her hair.

Monty and bellamy look at each other and nod, echo and harper just smile at each other.

Raven and emori fake gag and whisper "gross affection" before raven jumps on emori's back and emori starts running away.

Thats how y/n wakes up, to a still staring at earth murphy and her head in his lap "i do want kids with you, i have had want them with you since the so many-th time you saved me" y/n says "i told octavia 'i want a boyfriend and kids but if he isnt john murphy then i will stay single and kidless my whole life" she continues before yawning and falling asleep again leaving John in happy tears

[everyman0]

touching base

here i am...standing in front of the house again.

i havent been here in months. i didnt exactly intend on coming back but it turns out theres some things i may have missed. information i didnt know i needed until very recently.

however, im not ready to go back in there just yet.

first id like to back track a little to what happened after i got that safe open, and how this has led me to returning to the house. ive summarized my conclusions in the previous entry...this is the full scoop. buckle in.

so, i went dark for a while after finding the safe. i wandered from abandoned house to abandoned house, mulling over my situation all the while. i kept an eye out for anything suspicious or interesting, but there was nothing. no ghost jeff, no cat, even the empty apparitions populating the stores in town seemed to be getting bored somehow. and neither evan nor habit showed up, of course.

i didnt stop posting because i was sad and giving up; instead, more so than anything else...i was becoming very, very angry.

at first i didnt fully understand why i was so mad, just that i no longer felt like crying over everything i'd already cried about. that well was drying up fast. i knew i had plenty of reasons to be angry, but each of them on their own couldnt truly encapsulate the raging flame of fury that was growing within me.

the thing is, i decided to leave the house to be better than the vinny i saw in the mirror, to find the answers for myself instead of waiting around for habit to finalize my fate for me. i wanted to take my control back because another version of me never did.

instead, i spent so long just...staring at that gun. i wondered what it could be used for, besides killing myself anyways. i read the papers about the house about a hundred times over and still, none of it was particularly relevant to me. it wouldnt have been relevant to anyone else either, which is why i decided not to share it - riveting, right? and the fireworks? i simply left them with the safe. what else was i supposed to do with those?

all of that was pretty useless shit on its own, shit a more depressed and inattentive me from a few months ago simply accepted. the real spit in the face came from the symbol on the bullets.

habit wanted me to see it, but why? it doesnt mean anything to me, to my knowledge. it probably should though, and theres some reason why i cant pick up on its power. its just another cruel reminder of how little i actually know about anything, despite this "true sight" i have.

why was no progress being made? because these tid-bits of information habit left behind arent puzzles, they are just crumbs to keep me distracted while hes perfecting his own plans. and all this time ive been thinking i was the one who was going to get ahead in the game.

i am furious, because i let him distract me again.

i let him waste my time, again.

i let him have months and months to plan my demise while ive been stuck on one stupid clue, again.

i let him scare me.

hurt me.

kill me.

even lose to me in another life. and in his own defeat, habit still won in a way. he gave up and i let him off scot free, just like that. im humiliated by it.

...

my plan begins at the house. habit's shit is probably still inside - i mean his actual belongings, not whatever he's been feeding me. im going to go through his stuff as well as check out the library. theres gotta be something more to find there.

i am ending this the way i want to.

>>