#still better than 13 years though amirite

[plothooksinc]

In which there is a hostage exchange and Splinter definitely does not have Rat Flu.

[If you are a scientist, please pretend this chapter makes sense <3]

[brawltogethernow]

How much can you tell about a fan from how much they like Raimi Spidey

Who you are based on your Raimi Spider-Man opinion:

1. The best Spider-Man adaptation! You don’t like new things and don’t adapt to change well. You’re probably an older Millennial or Gen X. You respect an iconic scene and cheesy drama and don’t retract your enjoyment of something when the pressure is on you to do so. You like adaptations of superheroes more than the comics.

2. The most comic-accurate Spider-Man adaptation! You have never read a comic these films were based on. You may have never read any comics. You read or heard this opinion somewhere and are parroting it, and may think you can verify it’s true because you read one Avengers issue from after 2002 where Peter Parker cameos. You have high potential to become a deep comic nerd someday who will be embarrassed you ever said this so watch out for that.

3. Revolutionary for its time, paved the way for later comic book films, pared down the source material out of necessity - respect without enthusiasm You’re a little jaded but you’re trying not to let it get you down. You’ve gained immunity to MCU hype. You were happier before you did, but you can never go back. Analyzing fiction is second nature to you.

4. I just hate them Toby McGuire is consciously on your list of celebrities who could not get it. You turn over interests fast and see disliking things as its own activity, a dark mirror of fandom. You have strong negative opinions of properties you have not personally checked out and you’re happy that way because dissing stuff with people makes for good conversation.

5. Must a movie be “good” to like it? Is it not enough to have colors moving on the screen very fast. I respect you. You’re the better timeline version of the first category. Self aware and witty, a little insecure.

6. They’re bad because [thirty minute list of flaws] Wow you’ve thought about these movies a lot. You like review and analysis series like CinemaSins. (You may have a flaw list for CinemaSins specifically: It’s just an example.) Possibly an aspiring writer. You’re very plugged into pop culture and it doesn’t really occur to you to avoid media just because you don’t think it’s good.

7. I liked the first two when they were newer but they didn’t age well. Your persona is very go with the flow, not very opinionated. You consume media casually. In school you liked whatever bands your classmates did.

8. I have a soft spot for them but the effects are bad. You like MCU Spidey. You overestimate how empathetic and discerning you are. You don’t judge quickly but you do judge heavily.

9. I can’t hear you there’s only room for one Spider-Man movie in my brain WHAT’S UP, DANGER?

10. The third one ruined the whole trilogy! THAT’S what ruined it for you? You’re not wrong but your taste is unreliable.

11. I love [ship]! You’re very resilient. The weird kid. You glom onto stuff you like and don’t let go. Natural resilience to acting because of peer pressure, though you can take emotional hits from it. Probably internet friends with the three other people as deeply invested in this version of this ship as you are. Excitable in both positive and negative senses. You still use ff.net a lot. Above average vintage and otherwise lesser known comic knowledge but your attention is divided. The rare media targeting you is the 2017 cartoon if you’re a Parksborn and the Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane comic series if you’re a PeterMJ.

12. Uh I saw one or two in theaters? I don’t really remember them. You only read this list this far down because you like seeing people discuss their pet topics regardless of whether you understand them. May have to hit up a search engine to be sure what “Raimi” is.

13. Directly responsible for a lot of bad 616 trends, weird storylines, and character assassination. You’re a dyed in the wool comics nerd. Don’t get so mad you forget why you even like superhero comics. Go drink some water. You pirate media because capitalism can’t sustain how much you read.

14. Directly responsible for a lot of great 616 storylines!!!! Also a dyed in the wool comics nerd but all your favorite storylines are in the early aughts (and maybe late nineties), which was a formative time of your life. You like dropping niche comic trivia as talking points, also from this era. You not only actually go to comic shops but also have a pull list. Pour one out for the Ultimateverse amirite?

15. Peter sure turned into a giant spider and gave birth to himself because of this movie lmfao. You embrace the humor and weirdness in situations to stay sane. You know weird history or science facts and like to pepper them into conversation. Your ideal history rant is arranged to be reminiscent of that meme with the guy knocking over a giant domino with a row of successively smaller dominos. You feel the most enjoyable parts of comic community are online. You might be on Twitter. You could beat the above category in a trivia-off but would probably flub the execution due to being put off by them. You vibe with nihilism memes but you care just under the surface.

16. My blurry half-remembered impression of them isn’t negative You’re nice. You like cute desserts. I feel like you had an anime phase and go to cons.

17. Garfield Spider-Man sucks!!!!!! That’s not actually a Raimi opinion but you think it is. Low humor is just humor to you and you don’t see that as a problem.

18. I’ve been waiting for you to PRAISE the Amazing movies actually? You like Taylor Swift and would be super down for it if Kindred turned out to be Gwen Stacy. You’ve been screaming for years. You don’t like the Raimi films but don’t have time to get down on them while defending your own maligned property. You know Fant4stic was objectively not great but you’ll defend it. Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield live in your head rent free. You like to curl up and watch some good looking people having a tragic romance okay.

19. Spider-Man 3 is a cinematic masterpiece. You like shock humor and stoke attention from internet trolls on purpose. You discern your own opinions and don’t give a damn about anybody else’s.

20. I’m very two cakes meme about Spider-Man content! Raimi good! MCU good! Webb good! All the cartoons are good! I see a red mask and a thwip and I riot. A pure soul. I don’t understand you, but that doesn’t reflect well on me.

[tigerkirby215]

5e Viego, the Ruined King build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Pan Chengwei. Made for Riot Games.)

What? Did you expect me not to make this? It’s the goddamn Ruined King! He’s finally out after all these years! I mean sure he’s a goddamn twink but still; he’s finally out! Also Samira build is coming out 35 years from now.

And even though I put a Warlock TikTok meme in my last video, here’s a whole bunch of them because... yeah no shit he’s a Hexblade... Of the Ruined King.

GOALS

Ruin to all! - MIST'S EDGE: Basic attacks deal a percentage of the target's current health bonus physical damage on-hit.

Serve me in death - If you ever wanted to play as the enemy for a bit Viego will let you take a ghost or two; as a treat.

The mist is my great unending sadness - Foggy days are typical for an edgy boy, and King Ruin is so edgy he wants to cover the entire world with fog! Yeah that “mist is sadness” quote is real; I got it from the Wiki.

RACE

Viego is a human... but he has a great degree of variance. We’ll be going for yet another Variant Human because we’re not allowed any monster champions anymore. As a Variant Human you get a +1 in two different stats of your choice: increase your Charisma and Strength by 1 for the strength to be beautiful for your queen. You also get proficiency in a skill of your choice: Perception will let you see through the mist and search far-and-wide for your queen. And you get a language of your choice: Abyssal seems reasonable to speak to the mist.

Of course the main appeal of Variant Human is the feat at level 1, and to swing the Blade of the Ruined King Great Weapon Master will let you cut through a percentage of the enemy’s health! When you make a melee attack with a heavy weapon (such as a greatsword), you can choose to take a -5 penalty to your hit chance. If you do hit you’ll do an extra 10 damage with your strike! And as an added bonus when you score a critical hit (with a melee weapon) or kill a creature, you can make one melee weapon attack as a bonus action!

ABILITY SCORES

15; CHARISMA - League of shirtless anime boys amIrite? Gotta look good for Isolde.

14; DEXTERITY - Repeat after me: “something something Medium Armor.”

13; STRENGTH - This is a requirement for another one of the classes we’ll be taking. Yup this isn’t just straight 20 levels in Hexblade!

12; CONSTITUTION - A ruined king with a blackened heart is still allowed to have some health.

10; WISDOM - Destroying the entire planet just to simp for your wife isn’t the wisest move.

8; INTELLIGENCE - Nor is it the smartest.

BACKGROUND

You were the king of a long-forgotten nation, so unfortunately noble wouldn’t work. But you still have servants! The Knight background grants proficiency in the History that you lived through as well as Persuasion to get Isolde back. You also get proficiency with a Gaming Set and Language of your choice, which I’d say pick your fancy.

But the main reason we’re taking Knight (and not Noble) is for Retainers! You get three knights sworn to your kingdom (Kalista, Hecarim, and the third one) who will do mundane tasks for you. While Hecarim may be up for a slaughter unfortunately your retainers can’t do anything in combat and won’t follow you into dangerous locations. And of course if you treat your subjects poorly they will leave you. But it can always be useful to have more spirits in the mist to search for her!

(Artwork by @thejenneralchen on Twitter)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - PALADIN 1

Hah! Did you think we’d be starting with Warlock? Put simply we need things from Paladin more, notably the proficiencies as well as starting equipment. Dude imagine having to spend 3200 gold to buy the sword literally named after you? But for now you might just want to grab a Longsword to start. Regardless Paladins get proficiency in two skills from the Paladin list: Athletics are required in the jungle, and Intimidation will let everyone meet know that you will stop at nothing for her! You fucking simp...

You also get Divine Sense to sense the beasts of the mist, or your queen. As an action you can know the location of any celestial, fiend, or undead within 60 feet of you that is not behind total cover. You know the creature type, but not its identity. Within the same radius, you also detect the presence of any place or object that has been consecrated or desecrated. (Have a feeling you’ll find a lot of desecrated areas.) You can use this feature a number of times equal to your Charisma modifier plus 1, and regain all uses at the end of a Long Rest.

And you can restore a bit of health thanks to Lay on Hands. You have a pool of healing equal to 5 times your Paladin level that comes back at the end of a Long Rest. You can heal a creature for any number of hitpoints from that pool as an action when you touch them, or cure a disease / poison affecting them with 5 hitpoints. Man that would’ve been useful a couple of thousand years ago, huhn?

LEVEL 2 - WARLOCK 1

Time to pick up the Sword of the Ruler of the Mist. Hm... There has to be a better way of saying that. Regardless Warlocks get to choose their subclass at level 1 and to get a comedically large sword that saps peoples’ lifeforce we’ll be opting for the one, the only Hexblade patron! As a Hex Warrior you can wield martial weapons as well as medium armor (which you already could cause Paladin), but can also choose to swing a sword with your Charisma instead of your Strength or Dexterity. Which is great because you’re not exactly the buff sort. Unfortunately you can’t use a two-handed greatsword just yet, which is why I said you’d do good to grab a longsword instead.

But if you are locked in combat Hexblade’s Curse will make sure that you can dispose of them quickly. As a bonus action you can mark a target for 1 minute. During that time you do bonus damage equal to your proficiency bonus to the cursed target, crit on a 19 or a 20, and regain hit points equal to your warlock level + your Charisma modifier when you kill them. The curse ends early if the target dies, you die, or you are incapacitated.

And of course as a Warlock you get Pact Magic. You learn two cantrips and two leveled spells: Eldritch Blast will let you manipulate the mists for a ranged attack, and Prestidigitation will help you keep clean and kingly despite all the black mist flowing out of that gaping stab wound in your chest. As for leveled spells Armor of Agathys will let you put on some Thornmail to keep your health up and hit your foes back, and I mean Shield is on the Hexblade expanded spell list anyways so we may as well use it.

LEVEL 3 - WARLOCK 2

Second level Warlocks get Eldritch Invocations as the mist manipulates your body and soul. For now take Devil’s Sight to see through your Harrowed Path with your dumb human eyes, and we’ll be leaving the other invocation slot open for a level.

You also get another spell but all the other first level spells don’t really interest me. Yeah we’re not taking Hex you’re going to have to live with it!

LEVEL 4 - WARLOCK 3

Third level Warlocks get their Pact Boon for a particular tool of the Warlock trade, and to wield a weapon of spectral steel grab Pact of the Blade! The long and short of it is you can make yourself any melee weapon, and Hex Warrior affects any weapon you summon with this feature! This means that you can actually wield a two-handed Greatsword, but feel free to choose other options. Especially now that you can take the Improved Pact Weapon invocation to turn that Cutlass of the Twink King into a +1 weapon, and also summon yourself a gun (shortbow / longbow / light crossbow / heavy crossbow) if you so desire. But I mean, why would you when you have Eldritch Blast?

You can also add some second level spells to your list like Darkness to walk a Harrowed Path through the mist, though remember that even if you can see through the mist your allies probably can’t. And Misty Step, because something something Flash.

LEVEL 5 - WARLOCK 4

4th level means the first of many Ability Score Improvements. Charisma is used for everything that you do so... maybe increase that?

You also get another spell and another cantrip! For your cantrip Mage Hand is helpful to manipulate the mist to grab things from high places. As for leveled spells Blur is on the Hexblade list... but why would you take that instead of Mirror Image, which doesn’t require Concentration.

(Artwork by @WetHamster1 on Twitter)

LEVEL 6 - WARLOCK 5

5th level Warlocks get more Eldritch Invocations. To knock a foe down with Spectral Maw take Eldritch Smite, letting you channel a spell slot into a particularly deadly slash of your Viego’s Edge.

If you want an extra attack early you can also replace Improved Pact Weapon with Thirsting Blade, which is now available. But we will be getting Extra Attack from other sources later.

You can also now learn third level spells like Vampiric Touch for a bit of lifesteal. As a treat.

LEVEL 7 - WARLOCK 6

6th level Hexblades can put their passive to work, and have spirits serve your Sovereign's Domination. Accursed Specter lets you use the soul of a humanoid you killed and make it serve you, using the stats of a specter with temporary hit points equal to half your Warlock level and a bonus to hit equal to your Charisma modifier. The specter remains in your service until the end of your next long rest, which is good because you can use the ability once per Long Rest. The specter rolls initiative separately from you, and obeys your commands.

And hey: you’ve already got ghosts fighting for you, so why not summon your depression to fight as well? Summon Shadowspawn from Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything (requires a 300 gold gemstone containing tears and) summons a spirit of Fury, Despair, or Fear to fight alongside you. There’s a lot of specifics to this spell that I don’t want to go into (its actual description does a far better job than I ever could) but the important thing to note is that it’ll give you another loyal follower.

LEVEL 8 - PALADIN 2

Time for a few levels in that other class we have. Second level Paladins can choose their Fighting Style and of course to swing a Shank of the Former Blessed Isles Great Weapon Fighting (style) will let you reroll low die to more reliably cut through the mists.

Paladins also get Spellcasting at level 2, and unlike with Warlock casting you actually get some spell slots! You can prepare a number of spells equal to your Charisma modifier plus half your Paladin level (rounded down.) Divine Favor will let you do a bit more damage with your titular blade, and if you want more of a burst of damage then either Thunderous Smite or Wrathful Smite will do some more damage along with additional effects. To protect yourself from the mists and others who’d want to keep you from Isolde take Protection from Evil and Good. And to borrow a death realm from the other world-ending lord of Runeterra take Compelled Duel.

Of course you could ignore all that spellcasting stuff for even more Damage of the Ruined Blade! Divine Smite will let you do 2d8 damage with a first level spell slot, plus an additional 1d8 per spell slot above first, up to a maximum of 5d8 (with a 4th level slot.) Additionally if you hit an undead or fiend you’ll do an extra d8, meaning that with a 4th level spell slot you can do 6d8 damage!

The real neat thing is that this works with Smite spells as well as the Eldritch Smite invocation, allowing you to effectively use two spell slots at once to smite if you so desire.

LEVEL 9 - PALADIN 3

3rd level Paladins get to choose their Divine Oath and nothing will stop your Oath of Conquest to save your queen. You get to add the Command spell to your spell list, as well as Armor of Agathys... Uh woups. Uh we’ll address that when we go back to Warlock.

You get two Channel Divinity options: to keep others from stopping you from reaching your queen Conquering Presence will let you force a Wisdom save on units of your choice within 30 feet to frighten them! Alternatively Guided Strike is like Great Weapon Master but in reverse, giving you +10 to hit. This means that if you use Great Weapon Master as well you’d have a +5 to hit and do +10 damage! But remember that you only have one Channel Divinity per short rest.

You also get Divine Health, because simps don’t take sick days.

LEVEL 10 - PALADIN 4

4th level Paladins get another Ability Score Improvement, and we still use Charisma for basically everything so with this you can cap it off completely!

You can also prepare two more spells but... there isn’t much I want from first level? I mean you can take Cure Wounds for a bit of healing... as treat.

LEVEL 11 - PALADIN 5

5th level Paladins get an Extra Attack. If you took Thirsting Blade from Warlock you might want to replace that too.

You can also prepare second level Paladin spells now! As a Conquest Paladin you get Hold Person to stun with Spectral Maw, and Spiritual Weapon for more soldiers from the mist. You can also prepare Aid to strengthen your army and Branding Smite to see your foes through the mist.

(Artwork by @vmatbox on Twitter)

LEVEL 12 - WARLOCK 7

Back to Warlock to replace a lot of things. But firstly you get another Eldritch Invocation: take Trickster's Escape for an emergency QSS.

You also get 4th level spells like Shadow of Moil to become a creature of the mist, and also to get an upgrade from the Darkness spell (which you might want to replace.) Speaking of replacing spells: you got Armor of Agathys from Paladin so replace it with Hallucinatory Terrain to cover the land with mist.

LEVEL 13 - WARLOCK 8

8th level Warlocks get another Ability Score Improvement or a Feat. We’ll be taking the Eldritch Adept feat for more Eldritch Invocations. Which Eldritch Invocation? Why Undying Servitude of course, for more servants of the mist!

D&D Beyond tip: Replace Devil’s Sight and then give yourself 120 feet of Darkvision on the sheet.

You can also get another 4th level spell like Dimension Door, to travel far and wide in a flash to reach your queen.

LEVEL 14 - WARLOCK 9

Hey more Eldritch Invocations! Whispers of the Grave will let you speak to the fragments of Isolde’s soul.

LEVEL 15 - WARLOCK 10

And hey: 5th level spells finally! To strike a foe with Heartbreaker take 

Negative Energy Flood, sundering their health and making them rise to serve you if you end up killing them.

10th level Hexblades get Armor of Hexes. If the target affected by your Hexblade’s Curse hits you with an attack roll, you can use your reaction to roll a d6. On a 4 or higher, the attack instead misses you, regardless of its roll. Naturally this ability makes you particularly good in a 1v1 with whoever you target for Ruination.

You don’t get another spell but you do get a cantrip. Take Toll the Dead to deal with enemies who have high armor, for the mist comes for all.

(Artwork by @stingrae36 on Twitter)

LEVEL 16 - WARLOCK 11

11th level Warlocks get their 6th level Mystic Arcanum, which looks like a spell slot and acts like a spell slot (IE it comes back after a Long Rest, not a Short one) but can’t be used to upcast your other spells. You can only use it to cast one spell, and for an AoE Heartbreaker take good ol’ Circle of Death.

Also more spells known from your regular Warlock slots: Banishing Smite is on the Hexblade list, and can be used to send any demons back to whence they came.

LEVEL 17 - WARLOCK 12

12th level Warlocks get an Ability Score Improvement or a Feat. I have no idea what else to grab so take the Tough feat for a much needed 24 hitpoint increase to a primarily melee-based character.

You also get another Eldritch Invocation so it’s finally time to get the true Blade of the Ruined King damage with Lifedrinker! This will make any foe struck by your Pact Weapon take an additional 5 necrotic damage. This means that you should be doing 2d6 + 11 damage with every swing of a (+1) Greatsword!

LEVEL 18 - WARLOCK 13

More Mystic Arcanum, this time at 7th level! Power Word Pain will let you subjugate the weak.

And more regular spells: Danse Macabre lets you get more servants forever loyal at your side!

LEVEL 19 - WARLOCK 14

14th level Hexblades are Master of Hexes. Put simply: when a creature affected by Hexblade’s Curse dies, you can apply the curse to a different creature you can see within 30 feet of you. (Though you won’t be healed for the last foe’s death.) This will let you bounce your curse around and reap all its benefits constantly, becoming a master of your own blade.

LEVEL 20 - WARLOCK 15

Our last level is the 15th level of Warlock for a handful of benefits. Firstly we can get an 8th level Mystic Arcanum: Feeblemind is the ultimate tool to truly sunder the weak and discard the chaff.

Secondly you can get your level 15 Eldritch Invocations, and to never mistake Isolde’s face Witch Sight will let you see through any illusion that may be hiding her!

You may also want to replace Improved Pact Weapon as by this point you’ve likely found something better than a regular old +1 greatsword. Visions of Distant Realms and Shroud of Shadows are both very good options.

And we can finally get our last spell: as you gather enough information on the new world Scrying will help you expand your search further beyond!

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Surrender to me! - Two smites plus Great Weapon Master on an already deadly blade results in absolutely devastating spikes of damage with your sword. God forbid you crit!

The black mist flows from me like a tide - You also have plenty of tricks to give you an upper hand in longer combats. Hexblade’s Curse of course, but also Armor of Agathys, Shadow of Moil, and Spiritual Weapon.

Fight, puppet; fight for your king! - You can summon all manner of ghosts, ghouls, skeletons, zombies, and everything in between to serve in your search for your queen.

CONS

The world denied my happiness - Low ability scores mean that your skills won’t be amazing. The ones you’re proficient in are alright but you aren’t much help outside of being deadly and being royal.

Answer for your crimes, death; answer me! - We didn’t take the 6th level of Paladin which means we didn’t get Aura of Protection. As a result your saving throws are rather low, and while I tried to avoid grabbing too many Concentration spells yo do still have quite a few, which is not at all helped by your meager +1 to CON.

She remains in this world; I can feel it - All the melee tools in the world don’t mean much when you lack any proper way to get close. You have Eldritch blast sure but beyond Dimension Door (which granted is very strong) enemies can easily keep their distance from the mad king with a big blade. Even if you want to use Dimension Door you have a very limited amount of spell slots.

But the world can only hide from the Ruination for so long. The black mist comes, and with it you come to search for your queen. Nothing can stop you; nothing will stop you until you have her again. The world shall be torn to shreds and shattered beyond repair, as long as you can have your queen... Or like, just find a Wish spell or something? Shame you’re a couple thousand years old because True Resurrection doesn’t even work anymore.

(Artwork by Bo “chenbowow” Chen. Made for Riot Games.)

[cecilspeaks]

162 - “Alpha”

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Fear makes the heart grow louder. And death makes the heart grow flowers. Welcome to Night Vale.

Amelia Anna Alfaro was always the best at everything. On the day she was born, she was named the healthiest baby at Night Vale General Hospital. The doctors had never seen a healthier baby. “What a healthy baby,” they said from behind a bullet proof two-way mirror, as they operated the robotic arms that carefully held the infant aloft. The doctors high-fived each other, missing slightly. The trick, by the way, is to keep your eye on the other person’s elbow. That or glue high-powered magnets to each person’s hand. And all of the nurses cheered from dozens of feet down the hallway, where they were playing with a standard Tarot deck, common in most neonatal units. This cheering was unrelated to Amelia’s birth. The nurses had drawn the ten of swords, which is everyone’s favorite card. It features a relaxed man receiving acupuncture by a river.

Amelia learned to walk at 4 months, and to talk at 6 months. She read Plato’s “Republic” for the first time at age 4. She taught herself German and began to write sonnets in that language at age 7. At age 10, she won her first engineering competition after designing a concrete canoe that could float even on the most turbulent water. There is no body of water in Night Vale, so she had to prove her work using a software she wrote that generated three-dimensional models to corroborate her advanced mechanical physics formulas. She even won the state spelling bee five years in a row, from ages 9 to 13. Her streak was only broken when the spelling bee was canceled, after the sponsors lost their dictionary.

Amelia was always the best, and her mother knew it. Her mother was proud of her daughter, or rather, her mother was proud of herself for producing such a daughter. Or rather, she was proud of both, in a way that was difficult for them to untangle. Amelia’s mother was named Yvette. Yvette could not afford much for her daughter. She worked long hours to earn the respect of her bosses, which (-) [0:04:32] her promotions and larger paychecks, but Yvette had hit the glass ceiling. She did not want this limitation for her daughter. Her daughter would need to be smarter, more talented, and more driven than she. Yvette wanted Amelia’s value to the world to be so great that no one could deny her success.

Yvette recognized Amelia’s specialness and pushed hard to make her even more special, signing Amelia up for athletics and adult learning classes and piano lessons. Amelia sometimes pushed against this. “Mother, I don’t want to” was met with, “But you will, Amelia.” “Why?” was met with, “Because I said so.” “I hate you for this” was met with, “You will love me for it later.”

Begrudgingly, Amelia fulfilled her mother’s wishes. It wasn’t because she understood her mother’s motivation to secure her child a better life, nor was it because Amelia did not have the stomach to fight back. No, Amelia did it because it all came so easy. She was a black belt, a sharp shooter, an academic decathlon champion. She wrote her first novel at age 12, it was called “A Golden Age for Parachuting”, in which an all-Jewish female parachute team wins Olympic gold in 1936 Berlin in front of Adolf Hitler. In the publisher’s rejection letter, the editor said the novel was “immaculately written, however parachuting stories are out of vogue. Do you have anything about magical baseball players?” Amelia did. It was a novel called “One Last Swing for the Tuesday Boys”, but she had written it in German and did not have time to translate the “Dienstag Jungen” manuscript, because she was currently taking a course on bird husbandry.

Yvette enrolled the teenage Amelia in night classes at the community college, where she took English 113, “Sonnets are for lovers”; structural engineering 212, “Buttress is a funny word”; and meteorology 301, “Clouds y’all, amirite?” She earned all As and scores for college credit before she even graduated high school. None of these challenges were difficult for Amelia. She was the best at everything.

But her life was not perfect. Because of the voices. It was the voices that made life hard for Amelia. From birth, she heard the constant chatter of dozens of people. None of the voices spoke directly to  Amelia, they just talked and talked about their lives, and Amelia was afraid of the voices and what the voices might imply about herself. She found solace in puzzles, crosswords, nonograms, acrostics, cryptics, Sudoku, which I think is the one where you have to catch a bunch of marbles with a lever operated hippopotamus. Her mother hated Amelia’s puzzle vice. If she caught Amelia doing puzzles, Yvette would make Amelia go practice archery or write poetry or at least listen to classical music. Amelia’s favorite was Van Cliburn’s masterful 1961 record of Rachmaninoff’s “Piano Concerto nr 13: Knuckles on the Black Keys”. When she was thinking through the solution of a puzzle, the voices did not speak to her. All was silent. It was her only time of peace. It was the only time her body could rest and curl up comfortably into her own thoughts. Anything that took her away from her logic problems including music, no matter how soothing, invited the voices back into Amelia’s thoughts.

Amelia was accepted to several top colleges across the country, including MIT, Stanford, Rice and The University of What It Is, but she wanted to stay near her home town and her family, so she went to State. Hey, that’s where my brother-in-law went! Go State! [chuckles] Ahem. She was elected the youngest president of the student body ever at age 17, and graduated valedictorian two years later. Her friends, her professors, her mother all knew the world was Amelia’s. She could become poet laureate or a senator or a supreme court justice or a quantum physicist. But she became none of those. This is not to say Amelia was not successful or that she amounted to nothing. It is to say, the semantics of success were her own and no one else’s. Amelia became an air traffic controller. The voices never told Amelia to become an air traffic controller, they were never that specific. The voices did not tell her to do anything, they simply talked about first dates, about  apartment hunting, about their grandmothers’ improved health, about a bad movie they sort of loved. None of the voices talked directly to her, it was simply as though she overheard conversations from lives lived somewhere else. Other people and their quotidian hopes and worries and interests. She tried seeing therapists and psychiatrists. She tried medication to stop the voices, but nothing worked. Eventually she decided they were not harmful voices and that she was not dealing with schizophrenia. She simply heard people talking at all hours about all things, having nothing to do with her. And they never told her to become an air traffic controller. Amelia chose her own career, her own path. Others though the reason was that it was the fist job opportunity to present itself for her. Maybe it was her admiration of aircraft, maybe a moral sense of serving humanity through public safety and comfort. In fact, it was none of these reasons. But it should not be surprising to know that Amelia was very good at air traffic control. She was calm, clear, and efficient. The Night Vale international airport, although when Amelia started it was just a commuter hub, has never had a high volume of plane traffic and almost all of those are departures. There are very few arrivals. My husband Carlos, he’s a scientist and he is also very good at his job, tells me that it’s impossible to have far more departures than arrivals, but I told him, not everything has to make sense all the time.

So, in some ways, air traffic control in Night Vale was easier for Amelia than just about any other class or job or task she’d ever attempted. It appeared from the outside to be far below her capabilities. She held that job for 20 years, even taking over as president of the Night Vale chapter of air traffic controllers’ union. In 2004, she was featured in the cover of “Afformative”, a monthly trade magazine for air traffic controllers. The headline of the article was “You’re cleared for success”. In 2006, she was asked to deliver the keynote speech at the annual Roger Con, a conventional for air traffic controllers and fans of air traffic control. It’s a huge deal, held every year in Orlando. People dress like their favorite airline pilots and wait in long lines for autographs from top flight attendants. There are even panel discussions about everything from the best textiles for seat cushions to secret first class meal offerings. Amelia was the best at what she did. She probably would have been the best poet laureate or senator, but this was the path she chose. She chose this path because of the voices, not from what they said, but what they didn’t say. When Amelia was in the control tower, when she was communicating with captains and co-pilots and navigators, her head was clear. All was silent. It was like those many nights, sneaking a copy of the crossword from the newspaper on the kitchenette and solving it by flashlight under her covers. She became an air traffic controller to be by herself, to become her own person. Her mother was disappointed, but loved her in spite of it. Her professors were let down, but still had many fabulous of their greatest student. Her friends were just happy she was happy.

Things changed on June 15, 2012, when Delta flight 18713 made radio contact. In her tall tower, at her tiny airport, in the middle of a vast desert, in the middle of the American Southwest, an airplane appeared on Amelia’s radar. It was carrying 143 passengers and 6 crew members and was flying from Detroit to Albany over the great lakes of the American Northeast. It appeared briefly, the green dot blinking in and out of existence like the sun glinting off a water ripple. It was almost unnoticeable. But everyone noticed it. Later, Amelia was the only one who admitted to noticing it. The radio transmission was equally brief, a surge of static and only one word, difficult to discern but she heard it. “Alpha” was the single word. The letter A in the Nato alphabet. It was garbled, so maybe it wasn’t that word, maybe it was some more adult variation of “Oh fudge”. Alpha. Oh fudge. It was unclear. Amelia requested identification of the aircraft. She requested further communication, but nothing came. As soon as it had squawked, it had gone silent. But while the radio communication was silent, the voices were not. On June 15, 2012, upon hearing a word that sounded like “alpha”, these myriad conversations returned. No one else in the tower could hear them, but Amelia Anna Alfaro could. And for the first time in her life, she began to speak back to them. Everyone else in the tower could hear that. The voices did not cease. The voices continued for days and days and Amelia tried to talk back with them. As one voice said: “I have an interview on Monday,” Amelia would ask “for what job” or if a voice said, “We went to Palm Springs on vacation,” Amelia would say, “Did you also travel out to the Salton Sea?” But over and over, no response. The voices did not affect the quality of Amelia’s work, but it did affect the perceived quality of her work, and her colleagues became uncomfortable with and distrusting of Amelia.

A month later, Amelia heard that word again from one of the voices. “Alpha”. The same voice that radioed in June. But upon hearing it again, she realizes that they didn’t say “alpha” at all. What they said, coming up.

But first The weather.

[“Skinchanger” by Skeptic skepticdeath.bandcamp.com]

The voices said “Alfaro”. The word had been truncated just as the airplane’s appearance in Night Vale had been truncated. The voice saying the word was the captain of the aircraft, and he had been trying to tell Amelia something. The pilot was trying to tell Amelia that he knew her, had always known her since her birth. He didn’t know how he knew her, just that he did, and he wanted to tell her he had found her. And she should find him. “Where are you,” Amelia asked the captain. “No Where,” the voice said. “Did you land?” Amelia asked. “Yes,” the voice said. “Were there injuries?” Amelia asked. “Minor,” the voice said. “Do you hear the other voices too?” Amelia asked. “Yes,” the captain said. “I’m with them right now. Find us, Amelia.” “Where are you?” Amelia asked again, louder, more scared than before. “No Where,” the voice said, not like the vague concept of in no place but No Where, two words capitalized like the name of a specific place. Amelia felt a tap on her shoulder. It was another air traffic controller. “Uh, boss wants to see you, Amelia,” they said. But Amelia did not go to see the boss. She knew. She knew her time in the tower was done. She grabbed her belongings and walked to the elevator, out across the tarmac to a shuttle to a parking lot and into her car, and no one saw her again. Her friends said she always talked about going back to school to get an advanced degree. Maybe she went to Stanford. Or Rice, or The University of What It Is. Other friends said she had lost all touch with reality, talking to people who were not there, and maybe her mother checked Amelia into the Night Vale asylum.

Yvette says Amelia knew too much, that agents from a vague yet menacing government agency had been to their house and that Amelia must have been taken to a secret location. Representatives from the National Safety and Transportation Bureau in Washington, DC, came to Night Vale two months ago to investigate the disappearance of flight 18713. They are on an undercover mission inside the Night Vale asylum right now, on a tip from Sheriff Sam, to discover more clues into this mystery. Perhaps Amelia is in there too. But I don’t think so. I think she went to find the plane. I think the voices were the passengers on Delta 18713. I think she set out looking for them. Perhaps wandering the desert, the great No Where, to find the people who had been a part of her life since birth.

Amelia. Anna. Alfaro. was always the best at everything. And if anyone will find the plane, she will.

Stay tuned next for our new investment advice show “Billionaire Roulette”.

And as always, Good night, Night Vale, Good night.

Today’s proverb: Love means never having to say “you’re a werewolf”.

[thrushpot]

in utero

“So, remember those prompts... well, I got more for you. Need 13 and 31, have fun with those two. ;P” requested by @fortheloveofhargrove

#13: “I thought you were dead.”

#31: “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you.”

warnings: ANGST 

—

Billy clicked his tongue and sang along to some mindless catchy tune beneath his breath as he eyed the dark and lonely road ahead of him. The radio was playing something he’d never even heard of before, but he was in a mood so good, so rare that it didn’t even matter. Drives like these were his favorite, when the world would just shut the fuck up for a second and he could run away to fantasy land in peace without any unwelcome intrusions. His right foot eased the gas pedal further down, gradually accelerating in hopes to arrive at his destination early so he could surprise her once she’s off the plane. The blonde boy behind the wheel felt almost as if he’d gotten slapped in the face with nostalgia as he recalled the last conversation he’d had with her before leaving.

Goodbyes were a thing that were never not painful or unsettling. That all too familiar dread of not knowing whether it’ll be the last time he’d see her, hug her, hell; even fucking smell her. As if it happened only yesterday, the boy could still hear the girl’s soft weeping muffled in his chest, can practically feel the way her body moved up and down with each broken sob. It was difficult to see someone usually so fearless, so composed and put together, like some CIA agent from an action flick break down and curl into him for warmth and support. He let a couple (okay, maybe more than a couple) salty tears of his own fall as he held her in his lap.

Y/N had been an irreplaceable constant back in the glory days, her having never broken his trust nor the laundry list of promises she’d sworn once the heartache of his departure had blown over. It was foolish to think that even for a second he could get over the bitterness of starting all over again at some mundane public school. It was also just as foolish to think he could just forget about missing her as the weeks turned to months and the months added up to a year. But that was just another ploy the universe threw his way, seemingly enjoying Billy’s pain and suffering. Tonight though, tonight was gonna be different. He won’t let a single thing overshadow him any longer. He refused to listen to his inner tormentor deep down that laughed whenever he tried rationalizing how he would go about giving his confession, telling her his secret. As Billy goes over the script in his head, he clears his throat and adjusts the rear view mirror to himself as he practices his performance again. Real casual-like, he flashes a smile over at his reflection, pretending it’s her that’s watching.

“Y/N, lookin’ ah, looking good. Beautiful, actually. Know you already got a line of guys tellin’ you this every damn day, but I mean it when I say you somehow get prettier every time I see you. I really missed us hanging out, y’know? Takes me back to all those long nights, and uh... since I left I’ve been thinkin’ a lot...” he licks his lips and thinks back to the lines he’d gone over in his head like clockwork. His face twists into something more down and depressing, like whatever he’s trying to say will only burden their already troubled lives. “Too much, actually. I realize I’ve done almost nothing else worth my fucking time here except think of you whenever I feel shitty or, or like when everything is too much yet not enough. It’s been — been one of the only things I feel has real meaning to it for once, actually makes sense. ‘Cause you get me, and no one ever surprises me unless you do, and ah...” the blushing blonde shakes his head, a stray blonde curl falling to his forehead in the process of scolding himself with a swear before starting over.

“You know what? Fuck this. Let’s just go. We could just fuck off somewhere, go get a couple drinks, have a couple laughs, and... fuck. Shut up, you idiot. Don’t quote Die Hard on her for fuck sake,” he slaps his palm on his face, scoffing at his own stupidity before his eyes grew twice their size realizing how close the airport had become in the distance. He feels the same old doubt return right over his shoulder, and it smirks as if it’s being proven right; that telling her what he feels really is a horrible mistake. That it’s nothing but a rotten idea he’ll regret when she laughs in his face and turns around to fly right back to Santa Monica.

Billy’s heart is practically in his mouth by the time he pays for the ridiculously priced parking ticket and makes his way to the gate. His fucking leg somehow decides to grow a mind of its own, bouncing up and down with urgency while his teeth are occupied with chewing his fingernails down to the nub. He remembers when the roles were reversed once upon a time, when he was on the plane and she was the one agitated while sitting in the airport. Y/N still had that precious pink flush coating her cheeks when he was ready to board his flight, holding onto one of his biceps when she’d whispered something in his ear that had stuck with him:

”Don’t ever forget to remember me, okay?”

When Billy finally opens his eyes back up to the world around him, a herd of exhausted and enthusiastic travelers alike have exited the gate and met their loved ones with tired hugs and kisses. He rubs his pant leg to settle down while eagerly scoping the crowd for her hair or her face. When his wide eyes finally lands on her, the twang in his gut seeps back up to the surface, making Billy helplessly weak in the knees as he throws himself off the chair and into a pose ready for a warm welcome. He flails his arms in the air for her attention and calls out her name with repetition like a nuisance, both careless and unaware of the ruckus he’s stirred in front of all the annoyed families surrounding him. When Y/N had seen it was Billy that was screaming up a storm, her face cracks up into that same shit-eating grin he’s always known and loved then jogs over. The desperate pair reunite in the middle.

“I thought you were dead or something, asswipe! Why didn’t you ever write or call?” Y/N squealed in his arms as he picks her up and spins her around with sloppy grace. Billy bites his lower lip as he puts her down, his hands going down to cup her cheeks with tenderness, as if she were something to be cherished forever, and she is.

“Eh, some things are just better said face-to-face I guess,” he shrugged, giving her cheek a peck before bending over to pick her bags up and swing them effortlessly over his shoulder. As they bicker back and forth like the good old days while making their way to the dark busy parking lot, Billy can say with utter undeniable truth that he genuinely feels all is right with the world again.

—

“I can’t believe I’m even here right now and finally seeing this dump that stole my best friend with my own two eyes. I mean I got like eighty bucks to my name, little to no idea where I’ll stay, but I actually made it!” she hollered, playfully giving the blonde’s ass a painless smack. He reacted with a bashful jump and a laugh, struggling with her bags under pressure. “Can’t wait to see your car again ‘cause man I missed her. Old Martha still runnin’ smooth and pretty, I presume?”

Billy felt breathless as he set her luggage down to the pavement, reaching for his car keys to unlock the trunk before hauling them inside and slamming it closed. He stops to look back at her with a twinkle of mockery in his eye.

“So that’s what you named my car, huh? Martha?” he fact-checks, going over to the passengers side to open it for her, the chivalry he only abided by around her in particular coming back like it never left at all. Like they were still the same confused teenagers first meeting, getting into mischief just to busy their bland, empty agendas. She gives him a half-hearted shrug before explaining.

“Heard it’s good luck to name everything you own, amirite? Plus, you got no right making fun of that name. That’s my aunt’s name, ‘case you forgot stealing all her pot from her sock drawer and smoking it with me at school,” Y/N retorts with a finger pointed at him accusingly. The blonde behind the wheel let’s out a sarcastic ha ha at the memory, starting up the Camaro and backing out as the girl in the passenger’s side messes with the radio. The fond memories have flooded back almost uncontrollably; he can’t wait to make more, even if they only had tonight.

“In our defense that’s a shitty place to hide all that dope, alright? And uh, pretty sure that’s with boats. You name a boat and that gives you good luck. Not a car, you fuckin’ genius.”

Her face scrunches up in thought as if that’s the most mind-boggling thing she’s ever heard, and it ruins Billy with how fucking cluelessly perfect the facial expression is. He watches with intent as she snaps out of it in a hurry. “What you just said makes literally no sense, but I’ll ignore the ridicule and cut to the chase, Bilbo. What is it you’ve been up to without me or the beach? Gone insane yet?” she teased the last part in his ear, putting a hand on his right shoulder and giving it a squeeze. It takes Billy a moment to try and get used to how normal this really is, being touched by her, and he’d nearly forgotten that she’ll give any guy with a heartbeat the exact same treatment. Billy wasn’t an exception, and surely he wasn’t the first guy to get butterflies either.

With a clear of his throat, he throws back on his social mask for stability before shaking his head, the disbelief out in the open within his tone. “Are you fucking kidding, Smalls? ‘Course I did. What good is anywhere or anything when it doesn’t involve you or the goddamn beach?” Billy finished, finding his way onto the main road and putting the airport in his rear view. The driver thinks back two years prior and reminisced on all the adventures they had in Santa Monica before the inevitable happened. He fixed his hair absentmindedly (maybe even a little self-consciously) before reluctantly rambling on under his breath about what’s been ruined since he got taken away from paradise.

“Not a lot goes on ‘round here. Seriously. Place reaks like cowshit, haven’t met anyone worth my time. Max doesn’t seem to think so though, I guess. She’s even made more friends than me. Like... sure, I found this group of jackasses that worship me for knowin’ how to hold my booze, but I haven’t found anything like what we had. Not even close.” Billy swallows, looking back up to the rear view mirror like how he practiced on the way over. It isn’t the same, and he feels too vulnerable saying anything like that out loud with her sitting right fucking there. So he does what any man in the right mind would do, and reacts to his fear, his doubt. He backs down and changes the subject without looking in her direction to see her face. The boy faked a chuckle, an unconvincing one, then keeps his eyes on the road so he doesn’t fucking crash them.

“Tried to liven things up a little, but it’s so goddamn boring, y’know? So uh, anyway, that’s... yeah.”

It starts off sounding so pitiful, then it ends so fucking weak and pathetic. The blonde foolishly hoped and hoped, knowing he could do it, could put everything into English and say it. But he can’t. It gets stuck on his tongue, stuck like a gross aftertaste of something he can’t get rid of. It stings.

He feels his other leg not pressed on the gas physically twitch when the girl beside him puts a palm on his lap to soothe him of imaginary worries. Her eyes were practically scraping to get inside his soul and have it be her own place to call home when he merely glanced at her. It took an enormous amount of will power not giving in to the temptation, but he pulls it off by distracting himself with views of the dark road ahead.

“Yeah, also uh, my old man won’t know you came here for me. I made sure of it. We’ve got all night to catch up,” he ended on a high note, now finding himself grin at all the possibilities awaiting as the girl now has taken to copying him by eyeballing the lifeless scenery out the window that is Hawkins.

After a hasty moment, she hums to acknowledge him and follows it up with a soft, somewhat unsure murmur. “That’s good. Great, actually. I um, I got lots of shit to fill you in on, and I mean a lot, but... anyways, it’s not important. Fuck. Hey, there any places to eat ‘round here? I’m starving,” she finished with glee, deciding to ditch the mood-killing approach at telling him what had happened to her while he was gone.

The blonde hums as he threw a smile at the road, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel in excitement, back in the groove. He had just overreacted, that’s all. Their evening didn’t have to depend on what she said back. He could tell her later on and be at peace whether or not she reciprocated his longing for more.

“Alright. Well uh, lucky for you, Smalls, I know just the right place for us. Get ready for the baddest burgers in this shit town, ‘kay?”

Y/N let out a snort after holding her breath a beat too long, shoving her partner’s shoulder before gluing her eyes to the road.

—

“... So then I’m running as fast as I possibly can to get outta there before this fat guy could catch me, he even threatened me with a goddamn gun. Surprisingly he was really fast, too, alright. Like — like The Flash fast. ‘Coulda almost beat ‘em too, but right after I’m rushing to hop this fence, I jump too high and lose my grip. The ground really knows how to whoop my ass,” Billy snorted as he incessantly raved about the shit pot he’d stirred. After trespassing private property not only on a school night, but also at four in the morning. “Oh, also landed right on the money maker,” he smirked, gesturing towards his face with a French fry covered in ketchup between his fingers. “I think I lost a tooth while I was at it, too.”

“Fucking A, Billy! Dude, to be fair, from the sound of it you really got what you deserved,” Y/N pointed out while marveling at his male idiocracy, a goofy scowl plastered on her face as she shook her head back and fourth. She dropped the napkin she’d crumbled up in her palms to her half-empty plate of a classic diner burger and the French fries that Billy had no shame in picking at. He nodded while looking like he was proud of the chaos he’d created, taking his partner’s Cherry-Vanilla Coke and slurping the remaining sip through the straw. He hadn’t had an appropriate moment to give telling her their situation another try, but he’s content with the comfortable familiarity of exchanging both horrific and grotesque stories in each other’s absence. It felt like slipping on an old pair of boots that still fit somehow, still felt good to wear and walk around in, and he wasn’t willing to unlace them or take them off quite yet.

“Yeah yeah, what goes around comes around. I know. Speaking of which, you uh, you got any news to tell me?” the boy asked suspiciously, recalling how their only topic of conversation all night had been solely regarding his whereabouts and only vague answers coming from her. “I know you weren’t up to any good either, Smalls. Pretty hard to deny, what with our reputations and all.” he grinned, pulling a nearly empty pack of Menthols and sticking one on his lip, signaling their waitress for the check with a hand gesture. Y/N’s face twists into something worrisome, brows knitted, lip bit, arms crossed like she wanted to disappear. She was hiding something.

The uneasiness doesn’t rest lightly on the boy’s shoulders at her expression, and thankfully their waitress has great timing and clears their table of their finished goods.

“Can we talk outside, maybe? Or, or just go— just go somewhere where we can —“

Billy scrambled to assure her that her wish was his command, breaking whatever unwelcome tension with a helpful hand on her shoulder. “Of course, Smalls. You don’t know where you’re staying tonight, right?”

A watery smile spreads on her small face, a slight shake of the head that says no, I’ve had no idea where the fuck to stay every night for months, dipshit.

“Look, I have a plan for you, okay? Got you money for a room at this motel not very far, I’ll take care of you.” he swore, unzipping his jacket and covering her back with it as the frosty air nipped their cheeks on the way outside. The moon glowed in the sky, acting like a night light for them as they approached Old Martha, cranking the heat in as soon as they were both safe inside.

The pair sit in silence, the boy unaware of what’s changed or made her stiffen up; the girl unaware of how she’ll confess something that only a select few know and have already judged.

“Now what— no, who the hell is it that made you this upset, huh?” he threatens to the unknown source of his best friend’s pain, already getting revved up to fly back home and settle this out with his fists. Their destinated motel only a mile away and seatbelts not even fastened.

“I’ve — I’ve been keeping something from you.”

Billy blinks stupidly and throws his hands off the steering wheel and in the air. Could this be it? Could it mean the same thing as him keeping something from her? Nothing is getting answered fast enough, and he’s so sick of waiting. “Okay? And what the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

Y/N chews her bottom lip and rests her elbow on the door, her palm now gathering the dramatic beads of sweat from her forehead. “It means I’ve got a reputation; you know, I know, the whole fucking population of Santa Monica knows, Billy! You don’t need to act dumb, okay, it isn’t cute anymore.”

The driver squints in utter bewilderment, finally pushing the brake with impatience, making them bounce forward at the sudden stop. The Camaro sits outside the motel as droplets of rain grow heavier and louder as it pecks on the windows. It could almost drown out the feeling of intensity in the small space.

The blonde pinched the bridge of his nose like an irritated diva, pairing that with a seemingly apathetic eye roll. “I was only kidding back there about that shit. You know I don’t believe that nonsense about you... sleepin’ around or whatever, okay. I only believe you. I trust your word over those assholes and their tendency of spreading fucked up lies about any girl in school, ‘kay?”

Y/N felt on the brink of a drastic explosion, going as far as to open the window and sticking her head outside to feel the raindrops pool around her face, tickling her with its’ gentleness.

“Hey, get your head back in here. You’re gonna catch a cold, and then you’ll have to fly back home sick tomorrow, alright, so could we just cut the charade and talk like adults—” Billy’s reprimand was interrupted by Y/N’s surprising outburst.

“I don’t have a home anymore!” she screeched, yanking her head back inside and flipping her wet hair out of her face before crossing her arms stubbornly. “It was taken away from me. Got kicked out ‘cause of my reputation,” she trailed off as he turned his head to the side in concern mixed with confusion, his jaw wide enough to catch flies. Before spitting another useless question at her, he swallowed with unstoppable nerve and cautiously reached over to her door and roll the window back up.

“Smalls, I’m — I’m fucking sorry. So sorry. But right now all’s I wanna do is get you nice and dry. Cozy too, and in our own space with no one to bother us or... or even kick us out. I’m gonna get your bags, we’ll go fetch a room, and then continue this by then, okay?” he whispered, finding his fingers had gotten wet while delicately petting her damp locks. Her lips wiggled like she was gonna blow into tears any second, and he really hated the sight, but whoever was responsible in making her homeless was gonna be sorry they ever caused someone as close to Billy as she was so much pain.

The rain came down and soaked the blonde’s hair, color fading to a chestnut brown under the weather as he fumbled with his keys to get into the trunk as fast as possible. Her bags weren’t the lightest, but it must’ve been nearly all her belongings if she didn’t have a home anymore. They rested like rocks on his back and in his grasp as he gave Y/N the signal to hurry out as to not get any more drenched than her face had already become. Billy spits on the pavement before counting down from three on his fingers, and as soon as he got to one she was out and flailing in the rain with him, both eager to get warmth and shelter. Some giggles were even shared as they cringed feeling their clothes sticking to their bodies before finally making it inside.

The guy behind the counter wasn’t amused by their boisterous entrance, but they couldn’t find it in them to feel bad. After getting themselves a room key, they forced themselves to put a hault on their dispute for now, just like pressing the pause button on a TV remote; Billy rubbing her lower back in the elevator once he’d set her luggage down and Y/N leaning further into him as tears threatened to wilt out of her. Finding room 1408 thankfully wasn’t like a game of Where’s Waldo, and they’d both gotten comfortable quickly in the tidy space. The boy had set her things down as she fled to the restroom. He’d taken to counting all the shapes he could make out on the tacky wallpaper and got stopped at number fifty-eight. Y/N emerged from the bathroom much drier yet back in a similar state as before; frightened and uncomfortable. Taking action, he threw himself off the King sized bed and took her into his embrace.

“You’re safe with me, you do realize that, right?” he muttered, trying his hardest to keep it together like the broken girl in his arms. She trembled in a way that said she didn’t know she was safe, like she still felt wrong. In one swift movement, she shoved him backward and left him stumbling in ignorance and hurt, barely giving him a warning before she finally snapped.

“It’s true what those boys said about me, what I did with them. You would’ve known that by now if you had a goddamn brain instead of this... this giant heart of a puppy,” she cradled her head in guilt and shame for everything coming from her mouth, stepping back and avoiding his eyes all together. “I slept with the basketball team, the football team, even the fucking tennis club! You name it, I’ve fucked it. You know what’s crazy about this, other than the amount?” she asked rhetorically, her voice winding down to a broken whisper.

Billy feels his eyes well up and he doesn’t put energy into stopping it. There are veins bulging, flaming up in places he hadn’t even known he had. He recalls all the side eyed looks from the boys while he walked down the halls with her, when he’d ditch to smoke her aunt’s dope with her, or in class laughing with her. They weren’t ogling him because they thought they’d be a cute couple. They were laughing at him in silence because he was whipped for Santa Monica’s school skank.

“I don’t regret all of it; well, all but one. You, you remember Chris Hooker, he was your runner up? Chris fucking idolized you, Billy. He wanted to be like you so bad that... he thought one way of being like you was to get with me. And I let him after you left, I was so lonely that I’d do just about anything to cover up the shitstorm of losing you; and if that meant fucking this guy that always dressed like you and acted like you all the time— then so be it.” Y/N shrugged, trying to wipe the endless waterfall of tears as she watched Billy break too.

“You... you didn’t—“ he tried to deny, shaking his head and mimicking her by cradling his head in his hands as he walked in circles back and fourth, not believing anything he’s hearing. She sniffled and rubbed her nose with her sleeve before coming closer to him, looking him in the eye the first time since her confession begun.

“It happened, and I’ve never been this sorry about anything in my life, Billy. In fact, I even said sorry to him, ‘cause I couldn’t take care of it or even myself after he knocked me up and turned my life into this, this total hellhole—“

“You got kicked out because they found out,” Billy mumbles when he came to the realization, staring as if he were hypnotized by the painting of an angel hung up on the wall behind her. “They found out that you got pregnant, then you got rid of it... so they ended up punishing you.”

Y/N clung to him tighter before confirming with an uneasy nod, a sob escaping and tearing through her as she got red.

“I never named it, so I guess it didn’t bring good luck, remember?” she reminded him of their previous conversation when she first landed, stroking his arms up and down with tenderness. “You um, you missed a part of the story actually, a really important one.”

The blonde recoiled from his partner and scrubbed his arms in hysteria, feeling hopeless and weak and like all his doubt had fed to his brain was right. He wasn’t an exception. He wasn’t the good guy, he was just another guy going nuts for the same girl everybody else in their entire class ever did.

“Stop it! Stop hurting yourself, Billy, this is my fault. I should’ve told you sooner that—“

“What? What’s left to say now?”

“That I—“

”WHAT?” his fists were clenched and thick at his sides, the jealousy and the disgust overtaking him and fueling a fire that hadn’t started over night.

“That I love you!” she had shouted, both of them spiraling out of the devastating tornado of abandonment and lies, now joining together in the middle; mirroring their warm welcome at the airport just hours before. Billy’s fingers shoved her by her hips so that they were skin-to-skin as he finally went in for the kiss all the guys back home already knew but he himself had never gotten to experience. They were both gone, desperate for their touches and their actions to say everything they’d wanted to say. The apologies, the love, the hurt. She tasted lovely on his tongue, and he waited for the need to breathe to become nearly unbearable before even thinking of pulling away. Their mouths made a smacking sound as their lips left eachothers, making Billy let out a helpless, weak in the knees sounding moan.

“And to finish the missing part, um... I can’t keep kissing random strangers pretending that they’re you,” she whispers in his ear, bashfully coming back down from her tippy-toes right after giving a playful nibble to his ear and a warm kiss on the cheek. Billy thinks back to his alone time talking in the mirror, all the things he said and wrote down, practiced for this very moment. Like clockwork, he spouts the rehearsed lines out that felt like daggers holding inside.

“Smalls... since I’ve been gone, ah... all’s I’ve done is nearly nothing worth my time except, only except thinking of you when I feel like everything is a lot. And also like everything was never really enough. It’s like one of the only things I feel like has meaning to it for once. ‘Cause you get me, I get you. No one ever surprises me unless you do. And I fucking love you even more, Y/N, and I’d like to make you forget. Forget about those dicks, forget about your parents. You’re with me from here on out, you understand? Smalls?” he opens his eyes to see her doing that thing again, where she scrapes into his soul and nests inside, makes it a home for herself. It makes him melt in all the right and wrong ways imaginable.

“I understand.”

[omegangrins]

A Treatise On the Doctor

I don't know how to start this. Because I think of Peter Capaldi's words when he said that the only thing required to be a Doctor Who fan, is kindness.

I like 13 and think Chibnall is doing his best job writing the show.

So I struggle to write this because I am engaging against that very unkindness in the Doctor Who fandom, and trying very hard not to be angry back. "Allways try to be nice but never fail to be kind." But I've begun to wonder more and more if those who speak so loudly against the show really know what the show itself is about.

Enough of talking about other people though, cause frankly they're only important as set-up for this conversation. And again, I'm working kind.

So here's what you're gonna learn from this lifelong fan (and the best Tl;dr you're gonna get):

1. The Doctor sucks. From the very beginning. People complain about character traits now that have been around as long as the show.

2. Due to the Doctor's suckage, they tend to do more harm than good. (And because of this, most of the Doctor's "friends" along the way have been, well, let's leave it at the air quotes for now cause it's a damn big list of "BOOOO!!!".)

3. All of the showrunners and writers and actors and editors and everyone else has allways knows this and has played it this way.

4. And last but not least, since this is a time travel show. If you wanna know what and why stuff is happening now, look it up. Everything that happened before is allways in play.

5. None of this is bad, and in fact, it makes the show morally grayer. It's about kindness at all costs. Even your own.

A. First things first, the hard thing. The Doctor is not grrrreat. I mean, sure they try, but they fail a lot more often. In Extremis, a majority of those fatality index counts come from people the Doctor failed to save. That's why it's worded so specifically as "cause of death". All the death's caused by the Doctor's very interaction with time and lack of saving those around them. And part of it's not their fault, but more often than not, the Doctor says I can save you, and can't, won't, or chooses not to.

And that would be alright, but it took them over 1000 years to realize they should start letting their companions lead lives outside of theirs so THEY DON'T DIE. A bit too long as someone who claims to be better.

Not to mention how many times the Doctor is dismissive of their companions and the people around them only to use them for their help and just bug off again. If they truly cared and wanted to help, they would stay and listen in between adventures. Their lifespan is near infinite anyway. What's a few extra Earth hours with some friends you made along the way. You know, maybe fix some of the psychological and emotional damage created by encountering things behind a human's original scope of reasoning. But nope, we gotta go adventure more, byyyyeee!!

So when people talk about these qualities in 13 in a negative aspect I have to laugh because I'm not sure if they understand the joke. Cause we're talking about an alien that grew up around a species calling themselves Time Lords. I try not to blame them too much for it. 1 had to learn how to be hospitable to humans and it's been a bit of a slow learning curve ever since.

B. After the Doctor survived the horrors of the Time War and happened upon a human companion they felt worth connecting to, what did they do? They took Rose to watch her planet burn in front of her eyes. Great, first date, amirite?

And that's a little bit of companion damage. Do you know that the Doctor is responsible for the almost complete genocide of the Silurian race across multiple occasions. I am legitimately surprised there are any left after all of the ones the Doctor has killed. Like before, they cause destruction either purposefully or accidentally or simply by force of being there.

Remember before how I said that the Doctor just flies away. Yeah, they leave a lot of problems behind when they do (something that I can see Chibnall is planting the seeds of). If you had a time and space machine and practically unlimited capabilities and you choose to just leave after a situation and not check up on them from time to or see if there are any other underlying crises to be solved. But oh no, "gotta follow that rule of time and keep going even though I stopped in the first place because of how interested I was.". This is why 9 has a great arc about this. He thought he killed all the Daleks. They came back. He thought he'd gotten rid of the Slitheen. They came back. He thought he saved Satellite 5 from aliens. But opsies, they came back. And look! They're Daleks. Which he "finally" got rid of.

The Doctor just bounces around all carefree and without an ounce of care for themselves, their companions or consequences unless there's consequences for themselves or their companions. Then they get indignant.

Is that really kind of the person you want flying around fixing things in time and space? Who knows. But at least they are trying. Most of the time the T.A.R.D.I.S. lands somewhere and the authority figures are the most pretentious bull-headed pigs you can find. To me, I laugh cause it seems like both sides end up getting a taste of their own medicine. Usually with the bull charging to death in a sad glory while the Doctor wiles on metaphorically about not being as good as them.

But again, as a "superior" alien with "advanced" technology and "culture" you'd think they'd just know better already. But that's all part of the character. The Doctor may be in flux, but true change is difficult. The real hero of every story is the other people BESIDES the Doctor.

Cause the title is Doctor *Who* . The Who being half of the title, despite having less letters. It's the constant question of "What and why and who is that crazy person that's trying to help?" Why do you think they keep flying back to Earth? (Besides set construction reasons.) They've grown as attached to us as we have to them. And at this point, a lot of their saving us is guilt and embarrassment at having a hand in our timeline.

This is also the same reason the Doctor dumps companions in a fluff. Baggage. Every time a companion gets too heavy to carry the memories of... off they fly.

Except for 13. She's stayed. To this end, we can see how the Doctor changes. Not on our smaller, human timelines, but on the timeline of a god with way too much power.

D. With that in mind, we go Classic. It's the Who you need to consult if you wish to make any critique on what's happening now. Because how can you know how a part operates inside of a whole without seeing the whole part?

Cause I don't know if you've watched it but it can be rough, and I don't mean in the sense of production value (which admittedly they do a fairly decent job of using what money they had. A problem the BBC plagues to Doctor Who to this day.). The 3rd Doctor shits on every one they call friends constantly and then turns around expecting help. 4 did the same. Then 5 masked that contempt with a plucky face and a cheeky word. But it was still there, bubbling out of 6 and 7 as the inability to suffer fools gladly and using their own righteousness to enact change in their companions. A trait that kept going til an entire war and regeneration was used solving the question of "Doctor Who?" Only for them to try and forget twice more by putting on their pretty grinning faces and running away from it.

And I'm only talking from a companion perspective. Each of the Doctors has enacted their own form of genocide on countless species. Sure, it's to "save humans" but at the end of the day you'd have to ask yourself if we're really worth that blood. And this is all in the Doctor's history. As much as they claim better, they're hands are still gushing red.

The Doctor left Jo because she fell in love. They drove Adric to put their life on the line in order to feel adequate. The entirety of the Silurian race has been wiped out fivefold under their watch, with one time by their hand itself. Same for several other singular and unique species you won't be able to find elsewhere in the universe. 7 used time travel to enact a personality change in Ace while simultaneously using her as a pawn in an interdimensional war. The Time War itself. Sure it got erased but the Doctor still did those things ("War" Doctor or whatever nonsense titles they feel necessary to delude themselves). The entirety of Amy's childhood was destroyed by their presence, and Rory got erased. Twice! Sarah Kingdom. We know the list. Hell, the Doctor whisked Barbara and Ian away because they wanted to teach the snobby humans some lessons.

They may have a time machine, but we have the bill of their actions. This is where 13 excels. Because they're trying to be better than themselves. They've learnt the lessons of all those years traveling and the failures they wish they could reverse but don't as a way of keeping a scoreboard of pain. It's not perfect by any means, but look at 12 needing cue cards to understand and react to human grief under duress. They've come a helluva long way. After 50 years, I'm inclined to believe better. After all, it's what the Doctor would want.

E. You know how people like the ASOIAF series because it offers up morally complex characters existing in a morally complex world where black and white are harder to define than grey? Have you ever thought of Doctor Who as the same? Strip past the fairytale and adventure and "wibbly wobbly timey wimeyness and it's just people reacting to situations. We're just harder on the Doctor because they're hard on us. You could go round and round on who's the bigger killer, but at the end of the day Time Lords and humans fight and feel about the same things. It's allways been a joke to pretend otherwise.

That's why I love the Timeless Child. Not for making the Doctor anymore special but for saying that even despite having all of their specialness ripped away and repurposed to create a lie of a society then having the memory wiped of said event, the Doctor broke out of their mold, stole a TARDIS and told the Time Lords to fuck off. That's not a Captain America/Superman hero. That's Batman in space with a society of Lex Luthor's. Gotham and Gallifrey. The Doctor saw what they were a part of and broke free, without even knowing the more horrifying truth. Cause it's the thing I see many fans missing because they're so preocuppied with the Doctor being special. The thing that made the Doctor different was their ability to know the difference and walk away to find better. Now, the Doctor has a reason to go back and find out why they never stopped running.

The Time Lords might be the greatest monsters in the universe. It is in the name. "Lords". Those who would lord over us and impose their will with a banthium fist.

And this is a children's show.

C the thing is, the people who made and make this show all collectively rail against one thing: Hate. Kindness is the way of Doctor's. Even if they're sawing off your leg, it's to do the kindness of saving your life. This is because the people who make this (United Kingdomers) have seen centuries of war and conflict and oppression enacted by their own country in the name of progress. And they want to see it no more. Look no further than any of the Doctor's adventures with UNIT. Allways advocating for peace and being ignored for the comfortable war-cry. It's why it's hard to blame the Doctor when we do very similar and often worse (though we don't have time travel.... yet). The creators of this show know better, see better, and wrote better, to know that the powers that be nipped would nip their creations and sanitize them. So they wrote their messages so strong that you can feel them from the future. They're powerfull enough that even across eras they have all collectively moved me to write this.

That's another point I have to laugh at people saying Doctor Who has never been in your face about progressive politics. The Green Death. Survival. Trial of a Timelord (Yes, all of it. Sit down and power through.) The Happiness Patrol is one of my all time favorite episodes for going there in this regard. People may poo poo but history has its' eyes on you. Doctor Who loves taking potshots at the issues of the day. As long as you don't make the aliens black of course. Make them all the colors of the rainbow but never make them black. That'd be too on the nose (That's something they used to say back in the day! Crazy how far we've come).

So bravoa to Chibnall for continuing the legacy of Doctor Who. From where I'm standing, he's not doing anything different than any other showrunner before him. Cause if you want to argue canon, you at least have to know what created it. This show owes what it is to those Classic eras. And if you think Chibnall is shitting on those years and your childhood.... well, then why did you read this whole thing?

[kinetic-elaboration]

November 13: 1x23 A Taste of Armageddon

Feeling pretty tired now, and it’s been a rough day, but I did rally to watch, and enjoy, an episode of Star Trek.

A diplomatic mission today. The Enterprise comes with friendly intentions!

I don’t entirely get this Ambassador or the back story here. They want to set up diplomatic relations with this solar system, because Federation members somehow get killed there a lot. But the Eminians don’t ever leave their solar system, so if the Federation is having problems with them it must be because the Federation is messing around in their space. So perhaps you could just no go there?

Mmm love Kirk being A Captain. “I’m thinking about this ship, my crew.” He’s not a fan of Ambassadors or people usurping his power.

And Spock seems very interested in all of this.

Aw yeah another cool 50s sci fi background! There are more of these than I remembered.

All of the interior hallways, as well as the exterior painting, are all nice and bright and multi-colored for those new color TVs.

It’s hard to pinpoint why, but I feel like this is an effectively Alien culture. Like maybe it’s the weird hats or the colorful hallways or the initial mysterious nature of them, but they just feel very not human, in a way ST alien guest stars don’t always manage imo.

Those annoying colonists lol. Sent them to a new planet and now they’re attacking us.

“If this is an attack... where’s the attack?”

Everyone in Star Trek does a lot of scanning and surveillance.

“Our civilization lives--the people die--but our culture goes on.” Literally America’s COG plans.

“I do not approve. I understand.” I love Spock so much.

The target has been “classified destroyed.” Kirk is confused and rightfully so.

Hmm, is Spock meditating?

Oh, there’s McCoy! Guess he didn’t get the memo yet that he and everyone else is dead.

Scotty know when Kirk’s voice isn’t Kirk’s voice. I love Scotty also and appreciate that he’s getting a bigger role at this point in the series.

I guess Spock is still a “Vulcanian.” Ngl... kind of wish they’d stuck with that. It has a certain ring. I feel like this is the first mention of their telepathic abilities--aside from the mind meld specifically. And they’re “limited” abilities. But not so limited that he can’t control that dude’s mind without touching him--and through a door. Mom suggested the ability is stronger with touch, which makes sense, especially as they do have psychic bonds with each other. But still. That looked pretty powerful to me.

Kirk is so apologetic about possibly being forced to kill.

“I’ll cover you.” It’s probably because of STXI that that affects me so much lol.

I can’t believe “there’s a multi-legged creature on your shoulder” worked! I remember seeing this ep for the first time and just completely losing it at that.

No one’s even gonna talk about the Prime Directive today, I guess.

So it’s already escalating as Anan said: real weapons used to destroy their weird suicide machines, now real weapons to attack the Enterprise.

Scotty’s not impressed by their fire power though.

If only Spock were here to be reminded of his father.

“The best diplomat I know is a fully activated phaser bank.” But they’re not military lmao.

Kirk is so turning up the charm again with Mea. But she’s not very susceptible to it and he’s getting kind of impatient, so it’s like Aggressive Charm.

I feel like this ambassador isn’t very smart. He’s too trusting, doesn’t seem to have great instincts. As opposed to Scotty, who is also Brave and Good, taking a stand.

“The haggis has hit the fan.” Please tell me that is not a real Scottish saying.

I know Kirk and Anan are supposed to be, like, tense and dangerous and threatening in this scene, but it’s reading almost flirty. “Would you...like a drink?” Kirk’s little finger crook thing.

You can tell he already has a plan at this point, which is kind of unusual in terms of Star Trek structure imo. Like usually you’re more with Kirk as he develops a plan, and here you’re watching him hint at the plan. “I don’t need my ship to destroy your whole planet” and so on.

“A man like that would have preferred to die fighting.”

How’d the diplomats get down to the planet? I thought the shields were still up.

They’re really giving Fox the Cliff’s Notes version of their society, huh? “Nice to meet you, you’re off to die now, sorry, really.”

Spock’s like “Oh, no, an Ambassador being killed?? How terrible...”

“Keep her from leaving. Sit on her if you have to.” Unexpectedly hilarious like wtf kind of order is that. And then the Yeoman like trying to look all fierce and Mea’s like “Yeah, okay,” eye roll.

“I’m practicing a peculiar variety of diplomacy.” Spock is such a bad ass. And he’s having a good time being action hero.This is why Vulcans think he’s weird.

Now he needs to find the Captain!

Kirk and Spock both using schoolyard tactics to win fights: tripping someone, the old spider trick. And they’re effective!

Quite possible even better than the spider scene is this ‘Spock comes to rescue his boyfriend and Kirk already has two guns trained on the room’ scene. “I thought you needed help.” / “Oh, I need the help.”

“We’re not going to kill today.” Honestly this one speech is deeper than all 7 seasons of the 100. Also more optimistic and nicer.

Kirk versus the computer again lol. This time, with firearms!

“A feeling is not much to go on.” IT IS IF IT’S A SIMPLE FEELING AMIRITE FELLAS?

“You almost make me believe in luck.” / “You almost make me believe in miracles.”

Honestly where the fuck is EITHER of those things coming from? Like no one was talking about luck and they definitely weren’t talking about miracles!! No one mentioned any miracles, Jim!!

He always gets so flirty after the danger is over, though. Every single time. “Ah, yes, all is well, now time to say something romantic or suggestive. As a treat.”

And then they play that weird comical music over Spock’s confused face as if that made it less queer.

So anyway this isn’t the official Vietnam War Episode but it’s kinda giving me Vietnam vibes. (According to the amazon trivia, I’m right: the computer tallies of the war dead was inspired by Vietnam causalities being shown on tv at night.) From an American perspective, it’s far away, it’s largely invisible, but it’s also long, it seems to exist for its own sake.

Also interesting that no one ever mentions why the two sides are fighting--probably because after 500 years, they don’t know. They just continue on in this mechanized, unceasing way.

That was a really good episode, and even though the actual danger of computer isn’t really what they predicted, I think it holds up regardless, in a different way.

I mean first of all technology has done a fair bit to sanitize war--the use of drones, for example, that allow the aggressors not to see their damage.

But also, and this is like only a half-thought really, but... One thing I think about a lot that the show didn't predict is that the internet allows us to see so much more than any other group of people in history. everything is very close, and there are pictures and videos and so on, from all over the world, available to you at any given time. I think this is very hard to deal with psychologically. So thinking about that in relation to this...it's a different balance but for the Eminians, war was both very real and close--it's constant, and people die all the time in huge numbers--but also very far away, because it's happening essentially hypothetically. So the dichotomy doesn’t line up in the same way but it still exists, imo.

And wow, that “we’re not going to kill today” speech. That was an interesting little wrinkle: that part of why the Eminians continued warring was because they felt like it was just inherently who they were. Their nature. Same philosophy espoused by all the grimdark showrunners of today. “I’m smart and brave and deep because I’m showing a mirror to humanity!! A MIRROR!”

And then here's Kirk, a Classic Hero, coming in and saying, "Yeah, wow, deep, you've determined that your species has a violent history. That's cool and all but have you considered that every single day you can consciously choose to make different, better choices?"

This was a good Kirk ep, a good Spock ep, and a good Scotty ep. It bums me out that he’s seen as comic relief now I guess... as my mom said, Scotty liked a joke but he was never comic relief.

I think it would be interesting to hear more of Spock’s thoughts in this ep, though. He’s the son of an ambassador and his people also had a warlike history that they dealt with in a way different to how humans do. But the method of problem solving of the Enterprise Captain and crew today was very martial, much more about brute force, and strategy as well, than peaceful talking--an overall plan I doubt many Vulcans would like. It would be interesting to hear how he thought of it all to himself.

Anyway, it’s getting late! Next up is a very decidedly good Spock ep, This Side of Paradise. Might be watching it on Wednesday so..not too long to wait!

[alwaysbewoke]

"You know, he's only mean to you because he likes you!"

Cast your mind back to the playground. Aaron and the other boys are playing tag, and he won't let you join in. The louder he insists, the harder you try to insert yourself, the situation escalating until Aaron sticks his leg out and you go flying. If he was trying especially hard to embody a cliche, he might even pull your pigtails. So far, so normal. Kids are cruel and weird. As a kid yourself, you're doing a pretty weird/normal job of processing the exclusionary nastiness ... until you hear from Mom that sometimes being treated badly is actually a good thing. "You know, he only does that because he likes you!" she says, spinning the meanness as a compliment.

Even worse, you're at that age when you can detect that "He likes you" means something different here, even if you're not quite sure what. There's an implicit idea -- perhaps in part because you don't understand -- that it's a special condition of feeling. As such, it entitles its "feeler" to a whole different criteria for good and bad behavior.

Mom is trying to prepare you for something she knows you won't understand, that soon boys are going to start acting strangely, that you're about to spend the rest of your life misinterpreting each others' motives. But "He's mean because he likes you" is such a tragic and bizarre introduction to the idea. It's like having your driving instructor begin the first lesson with "Remember, sometimes pedestrians scream because they're happy!"

Even if it seems harmless on the playground, wait until high school, the workplace, cohabiting relationships, and marriage, hoo boy. He's calling every three minutes because he loves me. He hits me because I drive him to it, his passion overflowing as violence. Even if it's true that the boy on the playground acts badly because he has a crush and this is his weird preteen way of processing it, that doesn't need any reinforcing.

"Why don't you have the party here? I'll pick up some snacks!"

You're somewhere between 13 and 18 and you are going to have A Party. It's been weeks in the planning stages. Someone's big sister has been coerced into doing the booze run. Someone's parents have been stupid enough to OK a get-together and leave their house at your collective mercy. The stars have aligned, the fates are in your favor, and this is the most excited you've probably ever been. A whole evening of unsupervised, uncomfortable, elated nonsense!

The prospect has practically had your teeth chattering. What do you wear? He'll be there. Which song will be playing when your sparkly hair clips convince him to kiss you instead of Charlotte? What is the right ratio of soda to vodka?

Of course, hearing your mom's cheerful "Why don't you have the party here?" is nothing compared to the obviously life-ruining "You're going to that party over my dead body" or even "Be home by 11." But therein lies its stealthy power. You could justify a teenage tantrum over your attendance being vetoed altogether, or even a curfew, but how to rebuff the thinly veiled bid to oversee proceedings disguised as an innocent offer to host? You are suddenly playing a subtle, deadly game.

How to articulate that any amount of meddling would crash the imaginary ecosystem of this social event, where everyone likes your shoes and laughs at your jokes? Or that you're both too old andtoo young for the kind of party where snacks play even a supporting role? How to refuse categorically without letting on that homey safety is kryptonite to a Successful Evening? You wriggle quickly and smilingly away. "Oh, Lila's parents will be home. They've already taken care of everything." Now you can only pray that she doesn't call to verify this.

"I'll leave you lovebirds to it!"

This one is said when a young girl is about to be left alone with a young boy, regardless of relationship or circumstances. Maybe he's the weird son of Mom's friend from work. No! Don't leave us to it! He breathes through his mouth!

At that age, it seems incredible that she can't pick up on how much you don't want this to happen. The intensity with which adolescent feelings are felt (I've never hated anyone as much as I hated my math teacher) would lead you to believe that they can be felt by anyone in their orbit. A teenager in love is one thing, and should be as legible as Times New Roman to anyone paying attention. A teenager seething with disgust, though, is strong as a poltergeist. How can she not know?

So while you can't believe that your mother would think you're enjoying the way her boyfriend's nephew is eyeballing your braces, she's only thinking of you when she suggests the two of you take a joint trip to the corner shop. You walk as far away from him as the pavement will permit. You shudder when the heavy breathing intensifies after bumping into each other, fumbling by the till. This will happen again and again. "Oh, here's the offspring of my roommate from college. When's the wedding, amirite?" How to break it to her that you're more interested in his sister?

"You know you can always talk to me about your sex life! I remember when your father and I first got together ..."

This invitation to spill your beans probably crops up before you even have any to spill. Sure, there's a whiff of something. Maybe she's caught you gazing at a classmate at school pickup. Maybe you tell too many stories about Amy's brother when you come back from her house. "Amy's brother doesn't listen to that band." "Amy's brother said he liked my jeans." "Amy's brother, Amy's brother, Amy's brother Amy's- brother, Amy's brother."

Anyway, someone told your mother that it's important to be open about these things. She wouldn't want you to develop a complex, would she? What better way to ease your discomfort than "I remember when your father and I first got together." WELL I REMEMBER WHEN I DIDN'T HAVE TO PICTURE MY PARENTS HAVING SEX.

"You can always talk to me about your sex life" just serves to highlight your lack of one, which is especially bruising when sex is all you think about -- tinging the corners of your heavy-breathing dreams, chronically manifest in your peripheral vision, but just out of reach. Knowing too much about it will recontextualize innocent fantasy into something scary and dirty. Hey, you've seen people making out in films. That lingerie ad. Then there was that video clip Paul sent round the class. You got through 12 seconds before switching it off like a scary movie.

Of course, these scraps and gaps have generated so many questions that it's hard to know where to start. And your mother would be more than happy to explain "why people make those noises" and that no, you don't "stand on your head to stop getting pregnant." But you will refuse these invaluable pointers. The final nail in your pre-adolescent coffin would be to hear that your parents were at it more than you are (not hard, but still unfair). Sex isn't sex yet, but what it is belongs to people your age -- fumbling, yearning, et al.

You'll get over this, but it's a hard pill to swallow that is offered A) when it is most crucially needed and B) when you couldn't be less receptive to it. Give it ten years, and you'll be calling her after every bad date.

"Are you sure you're happy? By the time I was your age ..."

You're cleaning up together -- look how responsible you are! -- after a family dinner. Back in the home you grew up in, and moved out of, just for the evening, or maybe the weekend. Either way, this is you as a proto-adult: feckless as ever, but somehow funding a life beyond the cocoon. Conversations like this are sprung when handwork is available. You don't have to look at each other, there's a time limit imposed by the activity, and silences can be filled with industrious scrubbing, etc. Variations include "How's the novel coming along?" and "Why don't you call Childhood-Friend-With-Whom-Your-Relationship-Ruptured-Very-Painfully-Somewhere-Along-The-Way?"

"Are you happy?" is the killer, though. Amidst a lifetime (or at least an adolescence) of cringing every time your poor mother tries to join in or make your life easier, this is the splinter beneath a thin nail built from half-truths and self-trickery. The end of that WMD of sentences is some version of "by the time I was your age, I had you and your sister," "I'd met your father," or "I'd already started working at [place she'll be working at until retirement]."

She asks because she worries about you, but that just means that managing her worries is another thing you've failed at. Answering in a way that will ease her fears isn't easy when the truth is you're not single out of some concerted effort to make peace with yourself before launching into a relationship, or renting because you "like the flexibility." That you are, in reality, lonely and poor.

On the one hand, maybe Mom doesn't know what a digital marketing account manager is. On the other hand, maybe that is not a job anyone sensible wants in any sincere way. Maybe she just doesn't recognize how, even though your boyfriend is always hungover at family lunch and doesn't pick up when you call on a long weekend, he's actually really artistic and authentically himself. Maybe your latest diet looks like an eating disorder, your latest phase a personal crisis -- and then again, maybe it is. God, Mom, you've sent me down a spiral! "I'm doing fine!" you'll say. And some day, you'll probably get that same answer from your own kid.

ladies, thoughts?

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 37-40

Chapter 37

So this chapter is very rapey and if you’re not comfy reading it I can safely say that it’s not crucial to the “plot” of the rest of the book at all and you can skip it if you wish. 

We’re back with Klaren, who’s being strangled by General Cortas because he’s mad that he’s constantly horny for her. She mind-controls him into letting her go and we find out that she’s been here for two years, where they forced her to send videos to the King of Xen Ptera to get him to surrender but she’s a rebel so she told him to keep fighting. 

During that time, she’s also been brainwashing General Cortas into “loving” her. And now that his mind has been completely fucked, it’s time for Klaren to also get fucked. 

No, really. This was apparently the “sacrifice” she was supposed to make. 

She was born to do this. Born to sacrifice herself. Her heart, to the king of Xen Ptera. Her daughter, unplanned, had been sacrificed, too.

Now, she would willingly give up her body to the cause.

[...]

They spent the rest of the night together, tangled in the sheets. 

Tangled in her lies.

Now, let me explain how this squicks me out, beyond the obvious. 

Are we supposed to feel ... bad? Feel sad that she’s doing this? Feel bad for her? Because so far, General Cortas/Cyprian has been painted and portrayed as a crusty antagonist who’s out to get out dear Andi and Dex, while every Klaren chapter has been all about how she’s sad and she has to sacrifice herself and how it’s her destiny and how she regrets she can’t stay with her family and all that jazz. We even get an emphasis on how she’s in love with her king and loves her daughter as well.

Like, I know in the end Cyprian dies (spoilers, but I talked about this in my review so) and Klaren only exists in flashbacks, so it’s not like we’re getting redemption arcs for either of them. 

But like, if this is supposed to make me uncomfortable and to be very muddled then I’m honestly impressed. But I doubt it? And I’m very unsettled by the fact that we spend so many chapters moping around with Klaren to sympathize with her and her plight, and I don’t understand why they chose to spend so much time on the backstories of two characters that are either dead or will die in the main timeline in the first place. 

Nexus better answer these questions or else it will just prove Shinsay wrote this because ... No, I don’t think Nexus can justify this, actually. I don’t get why this subplot exists.

SHINSAY WHY DID YOU WRITE THIS

Chapter 38

We’re back with Andi post-argument and she’s in the med bay with Gilly and Lira, and we get an actually pretty nice, quiet moment where the girls try to both care for Andi and give her space. If y’all had focused on this instead of the mind-rape and the mind-control (oh boy I bet these two will have shit to do with each other huh) and the reality TV drama and space wars you defo can’t write it would’ve been a much better and more fun book. 

Anyway, the other girls leave to eat and Andi chooses to remain with Valen and watch over him. Lira drops this on us:

“There’s a fissure in you. I can sense it even from here.” Lira loosed a gentle sigh before explaining her words. But when she did, they sunk like a rock into Andi’s gut. “Sooner or later, you’re going to have to choose between forgiveness or hate. And you and I both know which one is harder to live with.”

I know this is in reference to Dex, considering how Andi’s been all quiet and weird after their argument, but honestly? Andi’s looking at Valen’s fucked body and my headcanon is that Lira is actually referring to Andi herself. Think about it. Lira knows what happened. Lira knows Andi still feels like it’s her fault Kalee died. 

And instead of it being another tired “forgiving is better for ur soul than hatred uwu” sentiment, when applied to Andi’s self-hatred, this would be a hard-hitting and genuinely insightful statement from Lira. 

Because self-hatred is harder to live with than self-forgiveness.

But this is Shinsay and I’d be surprised if they thought that far.

Anyway, Andi has yet another flashback to the crash and Kalee’s death and it’s all blood and metal and bla bla bla, we’ve seen this a billion times already. Then it turns out that Valen’s tests come back positive for “abnormalities,” and then he wakes up and is all like “kill meeeeeeeeee” and the chapter ends. 

Riveting. 

Chapter 39

We skip to some time later, I guess? Dex is shirtless and getting his nails painted by Gilly, which is fun. They discuss whether Valen is or isn’t a mutant, and we get this:

“Valen is no different than us,” Andi said to Dex, “and he’s not a mutant. And put on a damned shirt. This is a spaceship, not a pleasure palace.” 

“It used to be both.” He waggled his eyebrows at her, then winced as Andi ripped off one of his boots and launched it at his face.

Y’all really gonna talk about how much sex you used to have when there’s a literal 13-year-old right there in the room with you who’s listening and is a part of this conversation? 

Interesting choice there, Shinsay. Not even a little uncomfortable at all. Just these two adults talking about how they used to fuck while one of them is shirtless.

Andi thinks about how the Marauder used to be a man cave, and yes, that’s what the text says, and how it’s actually beautiful and modern and well-furnished now because they have genuine Adhiran cowhide couches. Then there’s more descriptions of the interior of the ship and I’m extremely bored and wondering why we needed to know the layout of the kitchen or what Alfie was wearing while in said kitchen (it’s a Kiss the Cook apron, btw). 

There’s a little argument about whether Valen is or isn’t a mutant due to his weird blood. It’s completely pointless. 

“Ah-hah!” Alfie’ s head emerged from the cooling unit, frost covering the tip of his oval chin. “I have discovered the source of the smell.” He held up a dripping hunk of green meat, then proceeded to march over to the small ejection site and blast it out into space.

... Right. 

So why do you people have a dedicated trash compartment again? 

All this waffling about brings nothing, as Alfie just cryptically says that Valen’s DNA seems to have changed and that they’ll have to do further tests once Valen’s back home.

Andi thinks about how Gilly does have a soul after all, because Gilly seems excited about having a mutant on board. This book has too many characters considering whether they or someone else they know has a soul or not. I think it’s Shinsay’s way of trying to be deep. 

Andi thinks about how cool her team is and how they got out of Lunamere without issue and how it’s gonna be nice to take a break. Then the ship starts crashing, I guess? 

We gotta throw more forced plot into the narrative because clearly these characters don’t actually have any goals of their own. 

Chapter 40

We’re back with Nor, who’s moping about her backstory and Zahn and Darai again. We find out through math that she’s 26? 

Anyway, remember the prison guard they were gonna test Zenith on? Yeah, she’s dead. Which does indeed confirm that they hadn’t tested it before then. Alrighty. I also don’t get why they test it on their own loyal citizens instead of, you know, the prisoners they have in Lunamere. It just makes so much sense to try to brainwash someone who already loves you into loving you more and risk them dying from this foreign chemical instead of trying to brainwash someone who hates your guts and who wouldn’t be a loss if they died anyway. 

IT JUST MAKES SO MUCH SENSE YOU GUYS. 

This time, they are testing it on prisoners, so maybe their “head scientist” (more like two-head scientist amirite fellas) learned their fiking lesson. Ok but then Aclisia says these prisoners are the “first participants in the study” which ... Yeah it doesn’t make sense and I’m pretty sure they’re not participants nor is this a study. 

Then Aclisia says this will be the “final batch.” So ... the Lunamere guard is not classified as a test subject nor a “participant,” and these guys are “participants” but will hopefully be the “first” but also “final” test subjects? 

You’d think having two heads would make for a better scientist.

You’d think having two heads would make for a better writer ...

One of the prisoners calls Nor a “scnav,” which does sound nastier than all the other dumbass curse words they scrapped, and Nor says that they’ll begin testing on that one. 

Aclisia says that “the weapon” is effective on any body part, as long as it comes in contact with the skin and can enter the blood stream. So ... Which one of those? Cuz having both makes no sense. The former sort of makes the other irrelevant. Also, what if an alien creature doesn’t have skin or blood? I guess it’s just universal. Even though they’ve only tested it on one alien species before ... and she died from it.

Flawless worldbuilding, lads. 

We find out that Zenith has the ability to “to enthrall a person or terrify them, depending on how strong their will was” which is ... dumb as hell even before combined with the fact that 1) they haven’t tested it on live subjects until now and 2) it apparently transcends species. And now you’re telling me it will also work differently on different individuals based on their “will?” How is that even quantifiable? And if it is, how did they define it? How did they define something so nebulous so closely, without ANY test subjects, to the point of making this silver goop able to tell apart who has a strong will and who doesn’t?

Whatever. Zenith seems to work and the prisoner now obeys Nor’s every whim.

He lowered his head in an attempt to bow, even with his hands tied.

You don’t need your hands to bow but go off.

The other prisoners get Zenith’d as well.

[Nor] turned to Darai and Zahn with a grin as solid as steel. “My soldiers, it’s time to darken the stars.”

And we got Zenith’d too, my lads.

[dearskz]

look at me pt.1

Genre: slight angst, fluff, school au, unrequited love au

Pairing: reader x jeongin (i.n) ft. hyunjin

Length: 1,622 words 

Description: Will you ever look at Jeongin as anything else besides a best friend? (third-person narrative)

Author’s side note: This song inspired this scenario :) ALSO DON’T FORGET TO STREAM I AM YOU!

Part 2 (masterlist) 

Some people spend their entire lives searching for ‘the one’. Jeongin was lucky enough to have known his ‘one’ his entire life. She was the one who defended him from bullies. She was the one who understood him more than he understood himself. The one who has always been by his side no matter the circumstances. Sounds perfect right? There’s just one slight problem: she doesn’t know that she’s the one. Not yet at least. Jeongin plans on telling her today, Valentine’s Day.

For them, Valentine’s Day has always been the total opposite of romantic. It was the day where they would go to each other’s houses in their PJ’s and watch horror movies while eating chicken feet until completely knocking out due to food coma. It was a tradition that they swore to never break, but Jeongin is going to have to break his promise today.

There were several instances where Jeongin was very close to confessing to y/n, but the thought of risking a 13-year friendship just wasn’t worth it. Jeongin and y/n have known each other since kindergarten when Jeongin was 4 and y/n was 5. One day y/n noticed a small, chubby Jeongin being teased for his size on the playground and decided to stand up for him. Although having a 1-year age difference, they managed to stick together like glue, always waiting for each other after class, walking home together, doing the typical things that best friends do. Sure they had a couple of friends in their grade, but no one understood them better than each other. Seeing that most of the people they knew were superficial and materialistic, it only made sense that they gravitated towards each other since that was one of the few things they hated in life.

The relationship y/n and Jeongin shared was special and irreplaceable. They did everything and anything together. They also kept no secrets from one another, which is why Jeongin ultimately chose to risk it all. His love and admiration for y/n was the only secret he has been hiding from her since they met. It was hard not to fall in love with y/n. From her kind heart and intelligence to her captivating eyes and breathtaking smile, she gave Jeongin a reason to look forward to school. His little secret has been killing him for years and he couldn’t bear it any longer, he needed to know if y/n could look at him as something more than a best friend and more importantly, a little brother.

It was the dreaded bro-zone that many of the less-fortunate fall into. Jeongin was desperately hoping he wasn’t one of them. He knew that it was something that was out of his control though. He would still love and respect y/n regardless, yet he had the slightest amount of hope that she felt the same way.

“Good morning sunshine! Can you believe the number of chocolate wrappers scattered all over school? I wish I had a broom to clean it up.”  Y/n appeared beside Jeongin’s locker, shaking his thoughts and bringing him back to reality.

“Ah glad to see you realizing your dream of being a janitor early.” Jeongin poked teasingly at y/n. Although she was older and often very motherly towards him, he still loved to joke around because he loved seeing her reactions.

“Bold of you to assume that I’m starting now, I’ve been training since day one. Janitors don’t get enough appreciation, they’re hard-working motherfuckers.” Y/n snapped back while shaking her head.  

Jeongin chuckled, “Yo, straight up facts. I’ll buy you your first uniform.”

“How sweet of you,” y/n laughed and lightly punched Jeongin’s shoulder, “So, what do you have planned for us today on the most romantic day of the year?” Y/n said as they made their way down the hallway towards their classes.

Jeongin pulled out his imaginary list and adjusted his invisible glasses, “Let’s see, after school, we are going straight to the convenience store to get some garlic parmesan chips with garlic dip, because who are we kissing amirite? Then we get to my house, order some chicken feet, sundae (Korean blood sausage), and coca-cola. A side of kimchi and pa muchim (Korean scallion salad) to go with it of course.”

“dELicIOUS. I love it when I have to brush my teeth and tongue to the depths of hell to get rid of stinky breath.” Y/n joked. “What movies do we have lined up today?”

“We got The Shining, The Babadook, and Carrie. Some cult favourites, as usual.”

“Carrie? We watched that 3 Valentine Days ago, and we watched The Babadook when it came out.” Y/n squinted at Jeongin in disbelief. It wasn’t like him to forget things like this. “What’s up Jeongin?” Y/n stopped in her tracks, stepping in front of Jeongin to prevent him from avoiding her question.

Jeongin fiddled with his backpack straps. He knew he should’ve chosen different movies but he was so focused on his confession that their movie marathon completely slipped his mind.

“Nothing, nothing! I just thought we could watch them again, I know how much you loved Carrie.” He looked y/n in the eyes and gave her a small smile in an attempt to hide his small lie.

Y/n raised her brow and sighed, “Alright, well I guess I can’t argue with that.” She spun around and began walking again.

Jeongin let out a breath of relief and followed, wiping a bead of sweat from his brow in the process.

“You know Jeongin, I always wondered what would happen to our tradition if we found someone we liked. I realized throughout our 13-year friendship that you never told me about your crushes.”

Jeongin was slightly taken aback by your statement. ‘That was because I was always crushing on you,’ Jeongin thought to himself. His cheeks flushed but thankfully, y/n was still staring down the hall ahead of her. “Well... I guess we’re just going to have to find out.”

Y/n whipped her head towards Jeongin so fast that she could’ve broken it, “What do you mean by that? Don’t tell me, YOU LIKE SOMEONE?” Y/n’s face lit up and her eyes began to sparkle. “OHOHOHO WHO IS IT? SPILL THE TEA.”

“You’ll find out by the end of the day.” He kept his gaze on the students at the end of the hall, he knew that if he looked at her, he would’ve given in to those beautiful deep eyes of hers.

“You’re confessing today?!.” To be honest, Y/n was kind of hurt by the fact that she didn’t know about his supposed crush until today, the day he was going to confess. How could he not tell his best friend? “Lucky bastard, they better be special because not just anyone deserves to be crushed on by my best friend!”

“Yeah, special..” He smiled softly at y/n before they reached her classroom. They stopped in front of the door and y/n turned to Jeongin.

“Well, see you at lunch! Good luck with your bio test. REMEMBER, THE MITOCHONDRIA IS THE-”

Jeongin rolled his eyes, “POWERHOUSE OF THE CELL! YES THANK YOU, as if we haven’t learned that every year since 6th grade.”

Y/n giggled, putting her hand on Jeongin's shoulder making his heart flutter a little, “I was just testing your knowledge, you’re gonna ace it, I know it!” She flashed him a warm smile, her eyes turning into little crescent moons and the apples of her cheeks becoming pink and round.

~~~

*Ring ding dong*

The bell rang as y/n sat down at her desk, pulling out her textbook and pencil case when she heard the chair next to her creak. She turned her head to see what made the noise and was met with a familiar face.

“Already pulling out the homework? You know that if the teacher isn’t here 15 minutes after class starts, we can leave right?” He playfully nudged.

“Hyunjin you know that’s a myth, and I’m on student council, I have to set a good example our fellow classmates.”

“You didn’t do last night’s homework did you?”

“No sir, I did not.” y/n admitted, lowering her head in shame.

“Here,” Hyunjin put his notebook on y/n’s desk, “just copy mine. Hurry before Mr. Park comes.”

Y/n gasped, “Oh my gosh you are a lifesaver, bless your soul. I owe you one.” She beamed as she furiously copied last night’s math equations.

“Okay, then how about going on a date with me this Friday night?”

Y/n choked on her spit, “A date?!” She felt her heart race at 100 miles per second while she was trying to process what just happened.

“Sorry, is that too much to ask? You don’t have to say yes, there’s really no pressure.” Y/n looked up and noticed a rose tint appear on those squishable cheeks of his, “I just have a lot of fun hanging out with you at school and kind of want to spend more time getting to know you better outside of school.”

“Hyunjin I…” Y/n’s mind went blank. ‘How do I respond??? What if I mess up?’ she thought to herself.

“I know its sudden… how about this, give me your answer at the end of the day. I won’t be offended if you say no so don’t worry about it too much!” He smiled, putting his hand on top of hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze before taking his notebook back.

“Wait Hyunji-” Y/n was cut off by a loud slam, almost jolting her out of her seat.

“Good morning class! Sorry, I’m late!” Mr. Park came in winded and visibly exhausted. “My morning jog was longer than I expected. Please open up your textbooks to page 325.”

[seenashwrite]

14.01 Round-Up

“Solid” is how I’d describe it, so if you haven’t seen it, I’d advise you not go into it looking to have your hair blown back, this was purely blueprint-unrolling and foundation-pouring. Decent bit of wasted time with random moments spent on nothingburger characters and filler commentary, so you’ll be able to spot the bearing walls going up straightaway. Or, hey, here they are...

Foundation Pour One: Mickey Dean

Mikey’s looking for a do-over here in our world since he kinda whiffed it in his, we knew that, so during his recon he’s recruiting as he goes. We also likely all figured he’d be going after angels on the low-down, but he’s a smart cookie and he’s being thorough, injecting some diversity into his army over here. “Faithful” humans, for one - well, the ones who’d like to think themselves faithful - and also angels who walk a fine line. And then vampires, and the inference there being that we’ll have more creature features popping up for the monster squad.

Including demons.

There were multiple weird, unneeded anvil expositions in this ep, but then there was a “hmmmm” one regarding this rando demon (obnoxious as all-get-out, really grating, but Sam iced him, no worries) who comments to Cas that someone asked him to think about what he really wanted out of his life - Mikey’s shtick/the speech he’s giving - so it makes me think one of two things:

(1) Coincidence

(2) Not coincidence; Mikey, via his demon buddy - buddies? who knows - got wind that Cas had feelers out, and he sent this dude to be the one that answered the call, and ideally kill TFW

Does it matter? No. Just would be another knife-twister for Mikey to toss out at Sam and Cas when the throwdown happens in (checks watch) next ep.

ETA: forgot to add my witty “speaking of knife twister” comment before - one of the weird exposition anvils was the pointed bringing up of the fact that the archangel blade... what, killed? ejected?... Lu-Lu without 86′ing Nick, though if that applies to Dean’s Michael situation... I mean..... fuck if I know.  Put it this way: if it’s a hint, it was clunky; if it’s a misdirect, it was clunky. Anyhow, it was my understanding that the whatever-something-blah-blah that Crowley did essentially made Nick into the walking dead.

Hey, speaking of again....

Foundation Pour Two: Nick

I am cool with this either way, Nick or Luci, Pellegrino’s a great actor and I’m pleased he’s still around. This could be good for both Nick and Sam, let them work out some shit as they have a Lu-Lu reign of terror in common. Phenomenal scene - because it was kept simple - with MP and JP. 

Here’s my thing - archangel grace residuals, amirite? And that shit must regen better than red blood cells, for a recent receipt see last season, re: both Gabe and Lu getting some real drainage done and popping back like bosses in pretty short order. Archangel grace is no joke.

So I would reeeeeally like to see it be legit Nick for awhile, maybe even bond with folks - hell, bond with Dean, think about it - but that slowly Luci creeps back in, and that they let Pellegrino play it so smoothly, no slip-ups, no showing us in dreams or hallucinations or voices, just boo-yah, it comes out that Lucifer’s “grown back” at a critical moment. I would really like it if that reveal came out in the middle of a bad fight, and he saves them, because now Mikey’s our primary big bad, and Luci can.... heh.... spread his wings.

OR, I’d also be okay with the entire thing being a long con, with Jack’s grace having saved Luci. They showed some Nick flashbacks, because Dabb never met an anvil he didn’t wanna drop (we get that he was traumatized, we’re not cro-magnon, we didn’t need a flashback, if someone is tuning into a 14 year old show for the first time tonight, they’re just gonna have to fucking tread water and catch up), but someone could explain that away as Nick residuals while the grace was regenerating. Either way would be interesting. 

Not a word of that will happen.

Foundation Pour Three: Jack

This isn’t anything, this is sophomore creative writing, you likely had this in your mind at last season’s end, how it’s gonna be weird for him to adapt without his powers. I can think of a million different ways that they can take this, but I’m sure they’ll do something boring like a do-over of Sam’s downing demon blood thing, except with Jack it’ll be huffing grace.

Lookit, I like Jack to the extent that he’s giving Cas something to do/giving Misha something to do. Otherwise.... meh. Whatevs. I’m not watching this show for teen angst. The only reason I’d have perhaps watched Wayward would be for Jody and Donna, but if it turned into one of the other zillion shows on CW, then thanks-no-thanks. But the kid’s a really good actor, so... again, “meh” on Jack. Cas is a good dad, that’s why I like Jack being around.

Foundation Pour Four: Sam

These are just blips in terms of ep time, but two things here - Sam’s behaving as a natural leader, just doing it vs. it being made a big deal that he’s doing it (waves at 12!), and I also like that he’s just getting down to business when it comes to finding Dean - it’s a greeeeeaaaat contrast to the palpable panic underneath the surface that we saw with the Demon Dean situation. Both were/are correct. Sam had the normal reaction then, and his reaction now follows suit, he’s been through the shit, he’s more calloused. Points to Padalecki. Also points for Sam’s big dick action, declaring there’s not gonna be a new king of hell, so they can all screw off or else they’ll have to deal with him. #cue the smoke outs

Foundation Pour Five:

They are setting up a Bobby boner for Mary.

Foundation Pour Six: 

Seems like Ketch will return! [yaaaaaaay! Davey boy’s a gem] And it sounds like he’s actually helping, so I like this. It was necessary exposition that was fairly fluidly done, and I am assuming it was a necessary set-up for future Ketch because not everybody was accounted for (Rowena, Charlie, etc.) like goddamned Mouseketeer roll call from the finale (or next-to-last ep in 13, can’t recall, whatever, it was baaaad).

Tiny pours:

----> They’re wanting us to be familiar with all the new hunters.

I could not possibly care less.

They super-de-dooperty want us to care about this one chick who has perpetually wide doe eyes, guess what: I couldn’t possibly care less part deux about poor man’s Shelley Duvall. I have no idea how she survived more than five minutes in apocaland, she legit looked at Mary tonight and basically asked how a knife worked, hand to god. They’ll end up killing her, it’s fine.

----> They want us to care about Anael/Sister Jo, a.k.a. Not My Anna/Not My Jo.

I care even less about this character than I do about the aforementioned hunters, I have no idea what purpose she serves, I know she’s done things but nothing that was truly of import that couldn’t have been written another way/the other characters could’ve gotten to the same point another way

That’s about it, hopefully we get the ball rolling next week because this was sufficient groundwork, they can move on. 👍

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

You know what time it is? Time for me to carry on re-reading that clusterheck known as The Misadventures of Prince Kim, on an epic journey to correct typos and question my entire life!

K we’re up to chapter 11 let’s gooooo

This is pretty much the only time in the whole thing where Max proper has a go at Kim, and honestly he deserves it!! yes nerd boy, go off!!

how to deal with the guy you’re unknowingly crushing on being your parents’ deadly enemy -- just CHALLENGE HIM TO A SWORD DUEL apparently, Kim what the actual hell

srsly though where did Kim get that sword

Adrien is so good and blessed... and also everything in his lil speech is gonna be a plot point in the sequel

Kim thAT’S SO GAY OMG YOU’RE SUCH A DISASTER BI

Everything about Max and Kim’s friendship is just so good ugh that’s one thing at least I’m proud of in this fic, the epic slowburn Kimax, it’s good and I’m happy with it

Max saying “I realize that may have been short-sighted of me” is a pun by the way (because he wears glasses), pls appreciate it

“Seasons are a social construct, Max. Time is an illusion.” I will NEVER be able to outdo the genius of this line

Chapter 12 here we go

Max’s entire reason for being in this fic is being the love interest, I swear... like in the first half of the fic he just suffers internal gay heartbreak over and over, and in the second half he’s perfectly happy with his bae and doesn’t rly have any stakes in the plot aside from wanting to keep the people he cares about safe... he’s the Love Interest(TM)

More geography lessons now, mixed in with science and history too... I know I call Max a nerd but maybe I’M the nerd

the world of the fic is so messed up, I mean Chloe’s walking around in rococo clothing and her citizens are peasant farmers wanting to guillotine her, and then there’s kingdoms like Max’s and Alix’s, who have cars and planes and phones and stuff?? this really is a game of Civ, dang

hmm... I think it’s implied that later on in the fic satellites are already in space, but here Max says they’re still being built... eh whatever I can just pretend they launched inbetween at some point or that Max’s research is a bit out of date

his speech really did have a global impact okay, I swear it was plot relevant and not just filler because I think Max is really cool and super underrated or anything

the entire Animan episode is happening on the side as a B-plot just because why not

CHAPTER 13 NOW, HELL YES BRING ON THE GAY

Nath is me omg, that social anxiety amirite

Myvan is canon!!! Myvan is canon!!! I’d forgotten about that whoops

this is LITERALLY just Animan except at a ball

Adrien making puns and calling Marinette “princess”... I was not that subtle was I

yes the hot Italian noble is Lila, I wasn’t particularly subtle about that either

...I’ve just realized, the next time I’m around mistletoe I’ll just pretend to have a cold and then everyone will stay away from me lmao (Alix wasn’t pretending tho, she really did have a cold here)

YES HERE COMES THE ADRIKIM MISTLETOE KISS

it’s funny because Adrien partially decides to do it because he thinks his dad would be mad about him having a crush on Kim, but later in the fic when Gabe finds out he doesn’t really care lol

for the record the reason I skipped writing the actual kiss is because I had NO idea how to write kisses (the chapter 24 one is pretty much glossed over too!), I only started bothering later on when Kimax, because, yknow, KIMAX

Kim and Max talking about their boy crushes together is so adorable hhhhhhhh can I skip like 30 chapters already

“I can’t believe I had my first kiss, and I can never tell anyone about it because it was with a guy.” this is actually the funniest thing in hindsight because in exactly a year’s time, Kim just straight-up brags to people about how he’s so hot that even a boy kissed him last year

okay now chapter aeroplanes (that’s 14, btw)

Kim trying to stay away from home for as long as possible to avoid getting told off is the biggest mood and I hate it

the journey to Max’s kingdom took two days?? hmm... later on in the fic it seems to take less time... ahhh idk let’s just say they took the scenic route okay

now you readers get to learn some science stuff

can the show please give us Max’s canon family? I brushed over it entirely in this fic but idk how the hell I’d do that in the sequel

oh yeah so in this fic, most of the time they’re talking in French. however, they all know English too as a lingua franca thing, so that way all the stupid puns can still work because you can pretend they switched into English for those bits

KIM GEEKING OUT OVER AEROPLANES IS SO PRECIOUS OMG HOW DID I DO THAT

So if Alix took her pet snake on the plane... then I guess you could say there were... Snakes on a Plane AYYYYYY

Also, like... she doesn’t even talk to Kim and Max in the actual show, her being best friends with them is a fanon thing and that being said, I totally went for it lol I wanted her to be relevant okay

Jalil is so sarcastic in this fic (mostly because you see him from Kim’s point of view and he hates Kim lmao) I don’t even know why I did that, I just did, he’s basically just me

I swear this reads so... ugh what’s the phrase I’m thinking of? double nintendo-ey? IT FEELS MORE SHIPPY THAN IT IS, THAT’S WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY

oh dear I’m having an allergic reaction again

Alix is so violent I s2g, this is like the second time already she’s implied she really wants to beat someone up and it won’t be the last time

oh and she’s not 100% oblivious that Kim’s into her. (I know she tells him later on that she was, she’s lying to make him feel better.) she’s just very much in denial and decides to not notice bc she doesn’t want it to be true, which is like, a decent aro mood tbh

okay chapter food fight (15!)

you know what, the awkwardness between Kim and Adrien now is also giving me an allergic reaction, just TALK to each other you idiots oh my god

Kim and Marinette treat each other like cousins in this fic, idk how else to describe it really, I was going for “childhood friends” but they really have a cousin kinda dynamic

IVAN IS AN ABSOLUTE LEGEND FOR INDULGING IN THE ACCIDENTAL FOOD FIGHT and so is Chloe actually, huh

Alix just. slam dunks Nath into a vat of milk. I can’t with this fic

Typo-correcting-time!! It’s not Mr Damocles, it’s DUKE Damocles jeez Aish get it right

also whomst the heck snitched on poor Kim and got him into trouble??

OKAY SO. later on in the fic, I often mention that one monopoly match that ended up in a brawl, but I never bothered to write the match itself because I forgot it was supposed to be a plot point in the timelines thing. here in this chapter is the first time it’s mentioned. should I... go back and write it in properly? idk help

awwwww this is the first point that actually feels proper Kimax-y, they’re having a moment together at the fountain and omg it’s so cute

lol this bit where spider-destroyer Alix has to threaten Kim to put her back down is like the exact opposite of way later on when they’re playing the floor is lava and she cheats by sitting on his shoulder and he tries to annoy her into going away

also KIM I’M KINKSHAMING, YES, THE SCALIE MERMAID HASN’T EVEN SHOWN UP YET AND I’M STILL KINKSHAMING, HAVING A CUTE GIRL PLUCK OUT YOUR EYEBALLS IS NOT HOT

phew that’s enough I’m dying

[cupidsbower]

Let me tell you people that I found a new way

Supernatural 13x06, “Tombstone,” 13x07, “War of the Worlds,” and 13x08, “The Scorpion and the Frog.”

Something very interesting is happening this season, relating to Dean’s position in the narrative. Over the course of 13 seasons, it’s been proven over and over that Dean’s hunches tend to be right. He thinks someone’s a rotter, and they are a rotter. He thinks something’s hinky and it is hinky. He does sometimes make mistakes, but generally speaking, when Dean makes a moral pronouncement, he is right about the morality, even if events don’t play out the way he anticipates.

At the start of season 13, Dean made the moral pronouncement that he thought Jack was evil. He may still prove right about this of course, as the season is still young (for me, I know you are all far ahead), but so far it’s looking like he was wrong, and that Jack is more like a blank slate trying to figure out who he can be rather than intrinsically good or evil.

Does this matter? Does Dean’s hunch about Jack count in the same way it counted when Dean knew Ruby was rotten, but tried to give her the benefit of the doubt because Sam asked? When it comes to Jack, is this just Dean being a jackass due to grief and it’s not really what he thinks?

The tension arising from Dean’s distrust of Jack has so far been used to complicate Jack’s arc, but a larger thematic question arises. What does it mean for the story if Dean’s moral compass is wonky? And what does it mean if it’s not?

Okay, cards on the table. I think Dean is wrong about Jack. I’m sure Jack will do a bunch of stupid shit, because that’s how growing up works, but so far he doesn’t seem to be intrinsically evil. So why was Dean so insistent about it? Was it because Cas’s death had him so turned around his instincts were awry? But if that’s the case, you’d expect his instincts to be back to normal with Cas back... but the text is hinting that they’re not.

I enjoyed Tombstone. Cas is back, Dean plays cowboy, and Jack gets a hug, screws up, and runs away from home. All the drama!

Tombstone is a title with a lot of meanings. The primary meaning is the headstone on a grave, but in a text where cremation is the Hunter’s way, whose tombstone is it referring to? Is it literally just talking about the location of the ghoul’s lair? Or is it talking about Jack’s use of his powers that goes horribly wrong? Then there’s the movie reference. The film is the fictionalised (and often romanticised) story of the West... when “cowboys were the law”! And as we know, Dean is all about cowboys, especially the ones in the rogues gallery up on their hotel room wall. Later he prompts Cas to act like he’s in the movie, and Cas quotes Val Kilmer to assure Dean he’s his Huckleberry, which just about makes Dean tear up. All a boy wants is a partner who fondly goes along with his cosplaying fantasies... looking good in a cowboy hat a definite bonus. And Dean gets it good here -- he wears the boots, fixes Cas’s hat, and does a slo-mo power walk to the song Space Cowboy:

Steve Miller Band - Space Cowboy

I told you 'bout living in the U.S. of A Don't you know that I'm a gangster of love Let me tell you people that I found a new way And I'm tired of all this talk about love And the same old story with a new set of words About the good and the bad and the poor And the times keep on changin' So I'm keepin' on top Of every fat cat who walks through my door

I'm a space cowboy Bet you weren't ready for that I'm a space cowboy I'm sure you know where it's at Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (x)

I mean this is hilariously silly, and Dean is having so much fun, but he’s also completely embarrassing with his whole cowboy nerdgasm and forcing Cas to play along, amirite? This is Jensen Ackles showing off his physical comedy chops like the pro he is. But here’s the thing. The song scratches out the minute they find the law, because the old romantic version of the West does not hold true. In this version of Dodge, the law is not a cowboy, it’s a Native American. What’s more, Dean is not really the Space Cowboy either. Surely, surely, Cas is the space cowboy (but is Cas the gangster of love??? And if so, who’s heart did he steal???).

The frisson of not-quite-right continues throughout the rest of the episode. While the ghoul realises there are Hunters after him and tries to “get out of Dodge” -- the line the lawman Marshall Dillon of the TV show Gunsmoke used to say to interlopers of Dodge City -- it’s Jack who is proved to be the interloper in the end, and it’s the Winchester posse who leaves town. Except for Dean, of course, who ends up Hunting someone wearing the face of one of his cowboy faves.

I could go on, but you get the point.

Thematically, this episode is all about undermining Dean’s moral authority. It does it in several ways, many of them funny, but the intent is quite clear. He even straight up says that he was wrong at the end:

JACK: Good? How is that good? I killed someone. What was his name? The guard? Did he have a family? CASTIEL: Jack, don't do this to yourself. JACK: No, did he? DEAN: Yes, he did. SAM: Jack, look, this life, what we do, it's… it's not easy. And we've all done things we regret. JACK: Just don't. You're afraid of me. CASTIEL: Jack, no. JACK: No, maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just another monster. DEAN: No, you're not. I thought you were. I did. But… Like Sam said, we've all done bad. We all have blood on our hands. So if you're a monster, we're all monsters. JACK: No, you don't… Every time I try and do something good, people get hurt. I thought I was getting better. I'm not… I don't know what I am, but I know I can't make the world a better place, not like this. I can't even do one good thing. And I know that if I stay, I'm gonna hurt you. All of you. And… I can't. You're all I have. SAM: Jack, listen… JACK: I have to go. CASTIEL: No, Jack. JACK: I'm sorry. (x)

Winchester through and through, that boy. Unintended lesson well and truly learned! Oh, the irony.

(My pet theory is that Jack isn’t actually gone, he’s just invisible and lurking around the Bunker. Don’t tell me if I’m wrong, please. I’m going to enjoy thinking about it until canon bursts my bubble.)

Before watching this ep, when I was talking over 13x05 with my viewing buddy, I said, “I wish monsters recognised Hunters more, and especially the Winchesters. It seems dumb after so many years that so few of them do.” And lo, in all three of these eps, people do recognise Hunters and/or the Winchesters. I’m very pleased by this, although as always it isn’t playing out quite the way I hoped. In the case of our ghoul, even though he quickly recognises that Hunters are after him, and makes plans to escape, he fails because he doesn’t take the threat seriously enough. More importantly, it’s not a Hunter(/cowboy) who kills him, it’s the Law(/Native American).

There were a lot of other things to like about this episode, but the other thing I find most notable in terms of meta is something on the meta-textual level. This episode starts upbeat, after five episodes of unrelieved grieving, with Cas back, and Jack finally seeming to be finding his place. That doesn’t even last one episode before the emotional apple-cart is knocked over again. If I were writing this season, this emotional beat in this place in the story arc would mean I’d be aiming for either a happy or ironic climax, rather than a tragic one. I’m leaning towards ironic, and I think Dean’s moral wonkiness will have a part to play in the ironic twist.

Anyway, that was Tombstone. The next two eps put away the myth-arc for a bit, and move on to monster-of-the-week stories full of mirrors for our protagonists. This season they are very much focused on fathers and sons.

War of the Worlds is an interesting title to choose for this episode. It’s obviously referring to H.G. Wells’ book, one of the first stories about aliens invading the Earth and trying to take it from Humanity -- a colonisation narrative in other words. It’s pretty easy to see that Michael in this case is the alien/coloniser.

By the way, I’m now calling alternaEarth “Mordor” because of that fiery eye in the opening credits, and also it’s much easier to type. Interesting, isn’t it, how the Mordor angels managed to screw up the Apocalypse, the implication being that it’s because God, Lucifer, the Winchesters and Castiel were all absent, and so The End wasn’t just a figment of Zachariah’s imagination, but what really happened. And with Lucifer dead in that world, not around to be the antagonist and keep things in check, Michael has basically gone crazy.

Chuck really did a spectacularly bad job as Father to the angels. They only need a bit of spite to energise them and they flower into the most noxious of weeds, smothering everything else around them during their self-absorbed tantrums. What does Michael even want with ParadiseEarth? Does he know, or does he just want it the way a baby wants a toy, and so he thinks it’s his to take? He’s not wearing a Winchester either (not one we know, anyway), so that also brings us right back around to the question of Dean being the Michael Sword. Methinks it’s a really bad time for Dean’s moral compass to be going wonky.

I found Lucifer interesting for the first time in ages in this ep. If I remember correctly, he was always ambivalent about the idea of the Apocalypse, because he liked Earth and having all those Humans to corrupt. But now he also has a son in the world; in other words, a stake in the continued existence of the world. I’m finding that super interesting. How will it change the choices he makes? I’m not expecting a redemption arc or anything like that, but I do think we’re going to see a different set of choices now Lucifer has someone he’s invested in as family. Can even Lucifer learn some humility once he’s the Father rather than the rebelling son?

To go back to the title of the ep, though, my favourite version of War of the Worlds is actually the musical. I see quite a few thematic similarities between some of the tracks and this season of Supernatural. Forever Autumn for instance, reminds me very strongly of Dean at the start of the season. The Spirit of Man I can easily see as a riff on what could happen if Michael actually gets out of Mordor. It does beg the question though, of what the equivalent of the deadly microbes would be. I have this horrible feeling it might be something like “love”, which has a pretty good track record of corrupting angels, but I can’t see many good ways of getting a shot of it inside of Michael. Maybe Rowena sticks some kind of magical bio-weapon in a vessel (Dean) and then they (Dean) says yes to Michael... because TFW does like to re-use strategies, and they never did get to play that one out with Amara in the end.

Why else bring back Ketch and potentially Rowena, reminding us of the whole secret-power-inside-a-body possibility at the same time? I mean, I know resurrection is a theme this season, and I’m always happy to see Rowena back, but UGH. I’d rather NOT end the season with Michael wearing Dean, and Dean wearing a crown of blackberry thorns, if you get my drift.

In other news, Dean’s moral compass seems to be working again this ep, as he spotted that Ketch was sketchy right from the start, and he picked up on Cas being weird on the phone too.  Could it be a fake-out that pays off later? If his moral compass is still on the fritz after all, it means Ketch was probably saying some truth in this bit of dialogue:

KETCH: I believe you're familiar with the witch Rowena MacLeod? She was captured by the British Men of Letters some years back. I discovered she'd sewn a powerful charm into her body that could bring her back should she be killed. I struck a deal wherein she did the same for me in return for allowing her to escape. SAM: So after we dumped your body, you- KETCH: Good as new. Only problem is, one the device is used, it needs to be recharged. DEAN: Which is why you're hunting for Rowena. Well, sorry. Lucifer burned her up. She's dead. KETCH: Is she? DEAN: Why'd you come here? You could've run. KETCH: Did it ever occur to you, Dean, that I might actually be one of the good guys? DEAN: No. Not even once. KETCH: You and I were soldiers in opposing armies who were at war. DEAN: Well, the thing about war is, one side wins. KETCH: I suppose you're right. (x)

So which bit is the potential truthiness? Is Ketch a good guy? *quietly gags, please nooooooo* Or is Rowena alive *yis pls*. Or... can you have a war in which one side doesn’t win?!?! Morder, I’m looking at you.

My foreshadowing senses are tingling. Let me just float this idea now and get it out there where I can poke it with a stick... maybe all three of these things will be true. For a certain value of true. And that would definitely mean Dean’s radar is still wonky.

This ep we have another character who recognises the Winchesters/Hunters. The witch who got away from Ketch fears them, but rightly considers them the lesser of two evils as long as she’s the victim. I’m liking this theme a lot, and I wonder where they’re going with it? I kind of hope that maybe we’ll get some more references to Carver Edlund’s books if this plot thread unspools for more than a few episodes. I’ve never felt that the villains really used that resource enough, you know? I kind of want Michael to get his hands on them, or maybe Kevin.

Which brings me to the final thing about this episode’s title -- the Orson Welles radio play of Wr of the Worlds. It’s famous for causing a panic when it aired, as people thought it was real. Or did they??? Wikipedia tells me:

The first two-thirds of the 60-minute broadcast were presented as a news bulletin and is often described as having led to outrage and panic by some listeners who had believed the events described in the program were real. However, later critics point out that the supposed panic seems to have been exaggerated by newspapers of the time seeking to discredit radio as a source of information. (x)

Ahhhhh. I did not know that. I’m starting to understand why my story brain is so hung up on the reputation of the Winchesters this season, and why it’s important that other characters have heard of them or of Hunters more generally. Propaganda and misinformation are an important part of any war, and they can play out in unexpected ways. We got a bit of this last season with how woefully wrong the BMoL’s intel was on the Winchesters, and I wanted that to pay off more than it did in the end. But I’m more than happy for it to pay off this season instead, with Michael and his posse. Supernatural’s story-within-the-story could use a good shake-up at this point, and giving us some new insight into the stories people tell about the Winchesters would be a clever way to revisit the Metatron arc without resurrecting him too.

For an ep that focused so much on characters I’m not that fond of (Lucifer, Ketch), I enjoyed it quite a lot for the way it’s opened up the narrative in new directions. It’s actual plot wasn’t that strong, but I was happy to be carried along by the revelations.

The final thing I want to say about this ep is that Dean and I are brain-twins on the Evil Colonel Sanders front -- it’s a perfect name for him.

I like heists if they do something fun, so I found the plot of The Scorpion and the Frog episode enjoyable enough. The way Sam and Dean disarmed the booby-trap made me laugh out loud!  Zoooooooom, zwot, thwop-thwop-thwop. Classic.

As this isn’t a myth-arc ep, the most interesting meta stuff arises from the title and theme. I’m sure you’ve all heard of the parable of The Scorpion and the Frog, so I won’t repeat it here, except for the axiom it ends with: “When the frog asks the scorpion why [it stung him], the scorpion replies that it was in its nature to do so” (x).

This title pretty directly evokes the show’s current major theme -- nature vs nurture -- and this season’s variation on it -- who’s your daddy?

As you’d expect at this point in the season, the ep raises a lot of questions about the theme: Do people really have an essential nature, or can they change their spots? Who in the episode is the scorpion and who is the frog? Is the scorpion the demon who can’t help but lie and use people? Is it the father who can’t help but try and save his son, and then turns bitter when he fails? Is it the Hunters who can’t help but hunt, even when they don’t intend to? Is it the victim who takes her shot at ending her suffering when offered the means? I could ask a similar set of questions about who is the frog.

Not to mention:

What qualities make for a good father?

Can somone overcome their (or their father’s) nature?

How do stories about the Winchesters affect they way people interact with them?

Hunters gotta hunt?

Can a frog be a scorpion in disguse? And if so, is that how they’ll sting Michael?

Is Dean’s moral compass wonky or not?

The more I think about all these questions, the less sure I get. Must be getting close to the middle of the season. :)

Barthamus the Crossroads Demon is another character who has heard of the Winchesters, and thinks he knows everything he needs to about them in order to get to the other side of the river on their backs.

Much as Evil Colonel Sanders is Lucifer!lite, Bart is Crowley!lite. He saw how Crowley worked with the Winchesters, and decided to take a leaf out of his book, but doesn’t understand the larger consequences of that choice. So far Crowley is the only antagonist who has ever realised that the Winchesters are always more dangerous than their enemies think -- they have taken down Gods and monsters, and even Death cannot stop them for long. It was almost inevitable that they would hunt Bart, no matter what was at stake (does that make them the scorpion?). Add in Smash, an actual victim, who Dean uses his supernatural bonding skills on, and that outcome went to a 100% certainty. This dilemma is prefigured early in the episode:

DEAN: You know, this could be a trap. I mean he could work for Asmodeus. SAM: Yeah, but what if he's telling the truth? DEAN: You know, after Crowley, I told myself, no more demons. SAM: Dean, we don't even know what this guy's deal is. DEAN: Yeah, we do. He's a freakin' demon. SAM: Yeah, but you said it yourself, we need a miracle. And maybe this is it. DEAN: You know what "miracles" are called from demons? I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it's not "miracles". SAM: How about this? Let's hear the guy out. DEAN: All right, and after that, we kill him.

They enter the Smile Diner.

Did anyone else hear the name of this diner and think of Hamlet and the whole, “one may smile, and smile, and be a villain” speech? It really made me think of Crowley too -- if you go read the speech, you’ll see what I mean: http://nfs.sparknotes.com/hamlet/page_66.html.

BARTHAMUS: The famous Winchesters. DEAN: Some random demon. BARTHAMUS: Barthamus. Bart's fine. Please, sit. I ordered cherry pie. DEAN: Well, Bart, don't know what you've heard about us, but… BARTHAMUS: Everything. I've been following your careers a long time. You're a real pain in the pitchfork. And the halo. Natural disrupters. We have that in common, you and I. DEAN: Mm. Yeah, we're twinsies. (x)

Dean was a much better demon than this, and Dean was basically a shitty demon. Dean’s moral compass seems to be working perfectly here, though: some random demon, indeed.

Except... there’s the way the episode ends.

DEAN: You okay? SAM: Yeah, not really. Not exactly the best day, you know? DEAN: Well, it's not the worst. We did save somebody. That felt good. SAM: Yeah. Yeah, it did. But… [Sighs] back to square one with Jack. DEAN: We'll figure something else out. And if that doesn't work, then we'll move on to next, and then whatever's after that. We just keep working, 'cause it's what we do. SAM: It feels really good to hear you talk like that again. DEAN: I'll drink to that.

Sam and Dean clink their beer bottles and take a drink. (x)

So is Dean right here, too?

“It’s what we do,” Dean says about Hunting, as though he and Sam are only and entirely defined by Hunting, and that they do have an essential nature that can’t be changed, despite Dean’s recent bout of feelings.

If that’s really true, it’s an enormous problem, both for themselves and for Jack. Toxic masculinity is part of what they always do. Abusive fathers, the MoL’s sexism, the Angel breeding program, Mary/Dean making a deal, John/Sam sacrificing themselves...

If a person’s nature can’t ever be changed, all of these patterns are what the Winchesters are made up of and will always remain. That isn’t a very hopeful picture, so I kind of hope Dean’s wrong about he and Sam being nothing but their work.

Can people change?  Can they make different choices? Will the Winchesters make the same mistakes all over again at the end of the season -- will they sting the frog and doom themselves? Or will they try out new and better mistakes, and make it safely to the other side of the river along with the frog?

I guess we’ll find out soon enough. I’m hoping for something new, but I gotta say, I’m starting to think that Castiel and Jack are the frogs.

Previously:

I never opened myself this way (13x01 and 13x02)

You say you've only got one life to live (13x03, 13x04, 13x05)          

[anotherfandomok]

Interactive Introverts Richmond Summary! (Part two!)

We come back. The are so dramatic and extra oh my god the smoke and the lights and the wheel is revealed with Phil strapped to it and he's freaking out he is so good at acting you guys it's underrated. He's like help what have you done to me I didn't think you would choose me etc it's some Good Shit. Dan goes "well hello everybody" and does like a maniacal laugh, and then he says the outfits they have for this segment are their pajamas. Low-key I didn't even realize Dan was on stage too until he started talking bc I was so focused on Phil strapped to the wheel lmao.

Dan is like the point of this is to not hit Phil and Phil was like please don't! And then Dan said but if I do hit him and he dies it's all your fault because you wanted this etc. And Dan was like various projectiles and all that blah blah start with the slingshot ("let's see what Danny has in his trunk of fun" sktnrjeej) (the original - if it could kill a mammoth, it could kill Phil) sifbfje it came really close to Phil's leg. He got out the bow and arrow and called himself Dandiss Danverdeen and then he was like I don't actually really know how to work this and Phil was like oh that's great to hear and Dan was like I THINK ITS LIKE THIS YOU JUST PULL IT BACK AND FIRE BUT HE WAS FACING THE AUDIENCE SO EVERYOME SCREAMED AND DAN WAS LIKE OKAY CALM DOWN YOU WERE IN DANGER FOR LIKE TWO SECONDS OR W/E AND THEN HE WAS LIKE BUT I don't think you guys understand how intense this is let's get a little sideways motion in this wheel so THE WHEEL STARTS SPINNING BACK AND FORTH A BIT I WAS LIKE SJTBDJFNRJSDJ. The arrow came really close to hitting him in the stomach too (and I don't remember which one it was - I think it was the bow and arrow - but Phil was like two inches to the right and I'd be dead and Dan was like "that's OUR left Phil" oh my god I died). He brought out the Nerf gun and called it a bazooka and said I still don't think you guys are getting how dangerous this is LETS SPIN THE WHEEL ALL THE WAY AROUND. I was definitely not expecting that and I was scared Phil was gonna get sick all over the stage, but I guess they've been practicing it lmao it was INSANE. and Dan did not hit Phil, so it went alright.

Dan kept telling us to calm down and stop freaking out and screaming oh my god like ssjfbsjdjskdjs. He was like "you all screamed, Phil gasped, you need to call the heck down."

Phil asked Dan to help unstrap him and Dan was like I'm not gonna help unstrap you unstrap yourself! Sigbfjdej. Dan tried to talk about his serious thing about how they're real people, but everyone was distracted and laughing by Phil taking off the suit so Phil was like sorry I'll go back here behind the trunk but obviously we could all still see him so Dan was like I'll just wait until you're done.

It was wild you guys I did not think Phil would be on the wheel, and when they spun it all the way around I was SHOOK.

Also the number of times they called each other by their full names had me absolutely dead like every time they did it I just like cried a lil bit.

Anyway, then Dan talked about how they're real people and once we saw Phil was in mortal danger we felt remorse and stuff like that, and then I think he talked about their curated online personalities (or maybe that was later). He talked about how if you have this wide and individual of an audience there's no way everything you do will please everyone (even though they want to please us), and that makes it really hard because do you put your audiences wants over what you want and do you be an individual or just act.

Dan talked about wholesome Howell (he called it a spicy meme) and how "some people on the internet thought I was joking about death too much" and how he copes with bad things by joking about them and stuff, and he talked about making the meme and he did the pose and everything and did the sarcastic voice "I will always be wholesome from now on and I will never be sarcastic again 😇" etc. And he said most people were like yeah right Dan haha funny but then he said there were some people who were actually like thank God "this is so much better than the regular Dan!" finally Dan's gonna be nice or w/e. so he was like "if there's this version of me out there that some people want me to be, should I just be that -" and we all screamed no really loud and he looked shocked and happy and he kinda stepped back a bit and laughed a lil and I died I was like we did good we love you sjfbdndns.

Then Phil talked about his hair change and he and Dan talked about how he was genuinely scared that if he changed his hair people were gonna stop watching him/abandon him ugh ugh ugh bb no we love you but he had had the same hair for so long and just ah. We cheered super louldy when he was like when I changed my hair this year! Dan was like this was a big deal it was important news up there with the royal wedding man Dan loves to gas his boy up I'm fine. He was like but look all these people are still here and we all cheered super loudly bc we love our boy (and then Dan was like or it was just too late to get a refund on the tickets 🤷🏻‍♂️).

THEN THEY TALKED ABOUT ANOTHER OFF BRAND THING FOR PHIL WHEN HE SAID FUCK ON DANS CHANNEL I WAS LIKE AJTBCDJGJSKDN AND DAN WAS LIKE "and he's gonna say it again right now" I was like AJGBHHJDJS but he didn't obviously (they actually kept the show pretty pg 13 I was impressed like there were no f bombs - just a ton of innuendos).

TIME FOR THE PERSONALITY SWAP. DAN CALLED IT ROLE REVERSAL SJFBFDJ. So Dan talked about how they have these opposite personalities kinda thing, and then Phil represents "everything's that nice and sweet and wholesome in the world." AND THEY PUT THE PIC OF ANGEL PHIL UP ON THE SCREEN I DIED GUYS IT WAS SO PRETTY. I LOVE HIM. AND THEN DAN IS LIKE THE DEVIL RIGHT AND HOLY SHIT THE DEVIL PICTURE OF HIM THEY PUT UP HAD ME SHOOK IN THE WHITE SHIRT WITH THE DEVIL HORNS AND THE FUCKING LIPSTICK Y'ALL I DIED HE LOOKED SO GOOD AJRBFJDJSM. Dan commented on how he was rocking the lipstick. then they switched and they like crossed sides of the stage it was really gorgeous tbh I'm obsessed with them walking now so it was like well coordinated and just wow.

ANGEL DAN IS BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE HIM. He's gonna have to explain why the things that we said on the interact website were bad are actually good (they played really soft music whenever he did his it made me really emo). AND PHIL IS GONNA HAVE TO MAKE THE GOOD THINGS BAD AND OH MY GOD WHEN THAT PICTURE OF DEVIL PHIL CAME UP ON THE SCREEN EVERYONE IN THE ROOM JUST FUCKING LOST IT THE LIPSTICK YOU GUYS I FUCKING CAN'T OKAY AJFBGJSEJSJ oh my god. Y'all when Phil was devil Phil he SWAGGERED he STRUT like I was like oh my god this man could kill us all instantly if he wanted to like he just exuded power and I was Afraid it was incredible. HE CALLED HIMSELF X RATED LESTER AND DAN WAS LIKE I HAVE TO SAY FOR THE RECORD I DO NOT SUPPORT THAT I WISH YOU HAD SAID LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE. AND PHIL GOES "I ONLY FEEL MORE DIRTYY" I WAS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WE'RE ALL DEAD. ALSO HE WOULD ALWAYS CROSS HIS ARMS AND THEN STAND WITH HIS FEET SUPER FAR APART LIKE YOU KNOW THE WIDE LEGGED STANCE HE DOES LIKE THAT FUCKED ME UP I WAS SHAKING OH MY GOD HE EXUDED SO MUCH POWER AND TBH BDE I WAS SHOOK WHENEVER HE STOOD LIKE THAT SJTBDJ.

Dan said color being sucked out of the world was a good thing bc BLACK IS THE BEST COLOR AND EVERYTHING WOULD BE BETTER IN MONOCHROME THATS A WORLD I WANT TO LIVE IN "spell funeral without fun amirite" and "everything would be fashionable!" and we were all shook and cheered really loudly and Phil was like I don't want to live in that world and Dan said "well Phil you weren't invited anyway!" I was like sjgbfndjss.

Phil said "time for me to get... A little bit evil" and he STRUTS to the middle of the stage and starts gyrating his hips oh my fucking god we were all dead like what the fuck. Dan was like "sToP gYrAtiNG!!1!" (Dan added that to the list of forbidden movements that had been growing throughout the show that mainly including thrusting and other such movements oh my god). My favorite thing about this segment is the audience and other person would see the thing they had to defend first, so we would all just burst out laughing and then the person who had to defend it was always like "what??? What is it why are you all laughing what is it??"

Phil said community service would be a bad thing bc what if it's a community of cannibals right lmao and then afterwards he was like I think I would taste pretty good and Dan was like yeah whatever pure sugar tastes like ew gross ajfbfjwjd.

Dan said grandma seeing your Wattpad was good but we didn't give that one to him he was like we have to bridge the generational gap and share our interests and the internet with old people and then he was like plus she'll probably be like oh yeah I wrote when I was younger about the Beatles in a bathtub AND SOME MILK. DAN NO STOP OH MY GOD NO. NO. he kept being like but I'm sure someone probably wrote that about the Beatles. I was like no please no oh my god we were all like no.

Phil said sitting in a field of flowers is bad bc you pick up the flower, give it a big sniff, and then you hear... Buzzing? THERES A BEE IN THE FLOWER AND ITS IN YOUR NOSE AND NOW ITS BURROWING INTO YOUR BRAIN so we definitely gave him that one lmao I think Dan said something about him or us being traumatized, but it was SO INTENSE when Phil was saying it like they played that hardcore music that had me dead on the floor and Phil was so into it and I just. Died.

Dan said his square hair was good bc everyone has to have a lowest point in their life and now he can look back at pictures and be like well at least my head isn't shaped like a square lmao he was like all of you go out and get your hair cut like that tomorrow I promise you there'll be nowhere to go but up I was like sjgbjdjfdj it was good omg. But he flipped out when he had to defend it he was like oh my god no sjfbfje.

Phil said a double rainbow was bad because apparently there's a double rainbow song and it always gets stuck in your head?? So Dan was like oh my god you got it stuck in my head and he was like there are like five songs permanently stuck in my head it's that one and there's Chandelier by Sia I'll be doing anything and my brain is like *he sang part of chandelier I was shook help my emotions god I love it when he sings* and he did a lil acting about the anger and frustration when it's in his head LMAO.

EVERY TIME PHIL GOT ONE RIGHT HE WOULD DO THE CUTEST LITTLE JUMP UP IN THE AIR Y'ALL I CANT HANDLE IT IT WAS SO ADORABLE IM DEAD IM DEAD. AND THEN WHEN HE WAS JUST STANDING HE WOULD LIKE SWAY HIS HIPS BACK AND FORTH/SIDE TO SIDE WITH HIS ARMS CROSSED. AND Y'ALL. Y'ALL????? MISS BAYLEY??? MISS BAYLEY?? OH MY FUCKING GOD SHE FUCKING DEAD. I CANT.

Then Dan "time to stop this before we get arrested." What did we learn from that experiment? Phil: "that I have a dark seed growing in my soul" y'all he said it in his really low voice I was s h o o k. Like Phil Lester had officially graduated to 'looks like they could kill you and could actually kill you.' Dan: "somewhere in the dank cave of my soul,,,, there is a single beam of sunlight that broke through the ceiling." --- happy middle ground between doing what you want and what other people want aw.

They were like you guys want to know about Dan and Phil's real relationship. Fast forward to we secretly hate each other and Dan was like I'm just an actor Phil hired ten years ago and it got quickly out of hand and I was like ajfbcnsjd. You only know the good side of Dan and Phil when we're happy and loving and having a good time. "But there's angst, and tension, and cereal stealing related betrayals." To know the real Dan and Phil you have to see the dark side. "Time to push our little bond until it breaks. In,, the DAN VS PHIL EXTREME FRIENDSHIP TEST."

Time to test their friendship to the max! Buzzer time ladies, gents, and nonbinary friends. I'm dead. They had the prettiest background on the screen for this where they had their fists up and were pretending to fight each other I can't deal with it. "The easiest way to cause each other pain - electrocution" I sjtbfjdndjw. "We will literally be punishing each other for being bad friends."

Psychic connections first (they think of the same thing from a category, or else "zappy zappy ouch time") their category was dairy products, they beamed it to each other, and Phil said STRAWVERRY MILKSHAKE. LMAO DAN GOT SO MAD HE ROASTED HIM HE WAS LIKE WHY WOULD I SAY STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKE PHIL WHAT THE HECK WHY DIDNT YOU JUST SAY MILK. it was hilarious oh my god. HE CALLED HIM AN IDIOT AND PHIL WAS LIKE STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKE SOUNDS NICER. AND Y'ALL EVERY TIME THEY GOT SHOCKED THEY WOULD JUMP AND SHAKE THEIR HANDS AND HOMESTLY ITS THE CUTEST THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY BOTH GET ZAPPED AT THE SAME TIME LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IM OBSESSED WITH IT.

DAN PHIL OR A RAT I DIDN'T KNOW THIS WAS GONNA BE IN THE SHOW DAN SAID PHIL WANTED TO PUT IT IN AJTBJDEJS OMG YES. Phil thought his was his hair, but it was a rat so he got zapped (they turned up the power/volume between each challenge sjrbfjs), and Dan thought his was Phil but it was actually himself so he got zapped. WHEN PHIL GOT ZAPPED HE WAS JUMPING AROUND AND HE WENT WHAT THE FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUU- DGESICKLES AND EVERYONE IN THE ROOM DIED. After Dan saw his was himself he goes "who submitted that photo" lmao.

Dilemma time! They have to save each other or sacrifice something for the other. Phil is being attacked by a shark, but to save him Dan has to have his square hair for a year. Dan called the person who submitted it a sadist lmao. But y'all Dan is so whipped Dan would do anything for Phil at first he was like you don't really need one of your limbs you don't really use them for anything and Phil was like what?!? yes I do I'm so clumsy I need all my limbs and Dan eventually was like yeah it would suck and you guys would all laugh at me, but I would do it to keep Phil from being eaten by a shark. (The shark is a big shark and it likes a nibble on British boys, as Phil said.)

Dan is being abducted by aliens ("the Dan mpreg story you all want," as put so nicely by Dan himself), but Phil has to give up both his arms to save him (lmao very common limb losing theme here). Phil is not going for it "I need those to do things!" he's clumsy etc Dan is like just make a decision already and Phil goes "it's only a little probing, they'll return you to earth, you can go on one of those mystery weird science tv shows and make loads of money from that!" (capita£ester strikes again) is that your decision Phil yes and he prepares himself to get shocked and Bam aw haha.

Phil lost, Dan gets a point. The loser gets the HIGHEST SHOCK POWER BITCHES. they turn it up from red to blue. Phil holds out his hand with the shock thing in it, Dan says "Any last words?" And PHIL GOES "Dad." WHAT. akrbgjebejdjejsb. Then he gets SHOCKED.

They've been keeping track for the whole tour of who wins and who loses. Dan has 18 wins but Phil has 21!!!!! Clearly the better friend.

My phone was getting low on battery so I don't have any videos or audio for like twenty minutes but I remember most of it.

That zapping was intense, time to chill for a bit, the audience doesn't really want to. They put the shock things away, and Phil goes and sits on the front of the stage ;-; look at his legs help me guys he's so long and adorable help. He has his notecards they turn off all the screens and effects except for two lights, and Dan sits on one of the benches it's cute af I love him. Phil is like I have some questions from the audience we're gonna get a bit more intimate (send help).

They say hi to all the people who ask questions really soft (or Dan does) but Phil says the first like three pretty intensely/seriously and Dan is like Phil that is not casual! It's cute af.

Someone asks whether to get a moon or star tattoo - they ask the audience and the audience chooses moon. How to get their mom to accept it? Dan: "wait until you turn eighteen and then speed out of there bye! No I'm kidding don't do that." Phil says tell Mom you got an enormous back tattoo of a three legged horse, and when she's freaking out tell her JK it's just a little moon on my ankle! Dan laughs but he's like or you could just say this is really important to me and I want to appreciate things that are pretty and blah blah blah he gives actual deep and good advice he says it really fast I love him I love him I love him I'm gonna cry and they're like but the horse thing would probably work too haha.

Questions about Dan and Phil! The AmazingPhil video??? They talked about how they filmed it on the tour bus and how weird their texts are and how they have their alien language "ice cream, BLURRRGHHHH" etc it's cute, and Phil's like editing on the tour bus but he hopes it'll be up tomorrow or the next day (so that would be today or tomorrow since I'm posting this so late) and Dan's like as long as he doesn't vomit on his laptop editing on the tour bus hopefully tomorrow or day after. It's soft I'm so excited for the video guys :').

What have they experienced that they wish they had filmed? Not a lot they value living life without screens sometimes, Phil especially says he likes just having memories in his head. They talked about how weird it would be to have like the contact lens cameras where you can just see everything you do all the time, but they wouldn't like those. But Dan talked about how at Phil's (old) house up in the mountains they once saw (green) ball lightning even though everyone says it doesn't exist they saw it during a storm (were they watching a storm together at Phil's house I'm 😭) lightning hit like this building and then they saw the ball floating there for a few seconds and then it exploded and caught a tree on fire or something and they looked at each other and were like did you see that and y'all it was v soft none of their friends believe them but I believe them that's soft.

Then Phil says once when he was in Florida with his family they were out on a dock and a family of manatees swam under the dock and there were two babies and he saw them really closely and help me that's adorable they were both talking about how cute the babies were ah it was so sweet and soft.

Then it's the end of the segment and the question and Dan stands up and goes "alternately, the Vegas video" WHAT THE FUCK I COULDNT EVEN SCREAM I LITERALLY WOULD NOT HAVE IN A MILLION YEARS GUESSED THAT HE WOULD HAVE MENTIONED THAT. My soul left my body.

Ok! Back, and time for the golden I awards!!! They had talked about the set and the phallic i s on the sides of the set when they first came out, and what they stood for and all that stuff, but now they were like this show is for you so we have the first ever Richmond golden I awards I was shook.

Most inaccurate II predictions some nominees were "Dan and Phil leave the stage. We run the show now." And they talked about how we could all go up on stage and sing Welcome To The Black Parade (towards the beginning Dan apologized for g-noting us lmao wow). WINNER ISSSS Gerard Way comes out on an elephant and tramples Dan and Phil. They laughed and then they were both like honestly I'd be down with that I'd be okay with that. PHIL SAID "TRAMPLE ME DAD" WKGNJSJETHTS.

Pets! (Phil: "our furry friends!!" Dan: "not furry - fluffy! Fluffy friends. Pets!") Cute smol white fluffy dog in an II hoodie I think or maybe just a black hoodie as Dan in bed, and Dan was like wow that's literally me it was cute skskfksksk. A cat wearing askew glasses and a plaid shirt was Phil and Dan laughed and was like "I love how your entire personality can be summed up with glasses and a plaid shirt." It was cute af. Winner was a cat with an eclipse and a coconut on it's head as Dan awww.

Parents! I didn't know they did this, but they had pics of three parents and gave the winner to the best sour puss grump who didn't want to come we gave all the parents a round of applause for coming and all that good stuff it was nice and Phil/they used they/them pronouns for all the parents like 😭😭😭😭😭 I'm fucked up it was so good.

Also they wore THESE REALLY PRETTY AND REALLY SPARJLY JACKETS FOR THE AWARDS LIKE THEY RAN OFF AND THEN CAME BACK AND. WE WERE ALL SCREAMING AND DANS WAS SILVER BUT PHILS WAS GOLD LIKE THE TATINOF ONES AND THEY WERE SO SOARKLY AND SO PRETTY AND 😭😭.

Then one last award right we get Phil's diss track, Dan playing piano, OR a random video of a dog that has nothing to do with Dan or Phil. At this point I was very confused bc I had seen the spoilers and thought I knew both the first two things happened. So they said the dog video won and I was like sjfbsjsj what. It was a v cute dog slo mo running through snow and they talked about how cute and majestic it was and Phil said "trample me" akfbcjsj again. But then Phil went and got his hat AJTBDJSJD THE HAT HE MEANS BUSINESS AND BAM LAUNCHES INTO HIS DISS TRACK OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU GUYS I THOUGHT I WAS READY BUT I WASNT I THOUGHT I WAS READY TO HEAR HIM SAY BITCH BUT I WAS NOT.

Y'all honest to god he rapped really freaking well like he has the rhythm down he's practiced so much I'm so proud of him sjfnfje.

Then HERES DAN WITH A PIANO (I need to study the lyrics bc I videoed it but it was a lot to take in and kind of hard to hear the lyrics with everyone screaming.) Omg bb he looked so pretty.

And they sang together I love them so much and then they came back on stage and waved to everyone and we stood up and held up our signs and then they went back to be moved away from the stage with the piano and they crouched and waved really far down until they couldn't see us anymore 😭.

Also Dan said the super best friends and soulmates thing, and he said when Phil is a hundred wait no ninety he'll remember when we came to Richmond and talked about Satan and furries and sjfnfdnjdej my heart?

Towards the beginning we screamed super loud for something and Dan said we broke the sound barrier and we just screamed louder ;-;

At the beginning Phil said most of the internet is in cables under Virginia, which I didn't know, so Dan said all our Wattpad smut is stored underneath us. They did their research XD. Also the way they said Virginia had me shook, but I was one hundred percent expecting them to say it in their American accents and then make a virgin joke, but they didn't! I wish they had done their American accents more, but it was literally such an incredible show and I can't believe it's over.

During the piano bit Phil sang his part and then got down on his knees and Dan was like sorry sorry Phil you're in my light this is the Dan and Phil show not the Phil and background piano guy show and Phil was like oh sorry and Dan was like should we sing it together? And ;-;.

There was one point where I was so close to crying when they were talking about how important we are to them and how they just want to please us and shit and like. 😭

I'm forgetting so much stuff and this is so long...

[thenobodyhasarrived]

Rant, sorry

People always wonder where my money goes because I don’t really buy things, and it usually goes towards food.

The place that gives out food-stamps often likes to fuck with us, so the stamps will just randomly get cancelled or come a month or two late, and my brother is a teenage boy so he’s only getting hungrier so even when we get stamps we have nothing by the last week of the month. So my meager amount of money goes towards buying my brother food. I got a Dairy Queen gift card for my bday and I was so fucking excited, I’d been planning on buying some ice cream for me and friend and going to the botanical gardens because I never get to hang out anymore. But lil bro was hungry. There was pasta in the house, but we eat so much pasta that even when I’m hungry I *physically* can’t make myself eat it; my stomach will be empty but each bite will send me closer to puking. So, pasta was out. And I took my bday gift and bought him a meal instead, and never did end up hanging out with that friend.

At the end of eighth grade, I won a $100 Walmart giftcard and a (used) kindle (that we didn’t get the password for so we couldn’t use lollll) for some contest thing I won. I was so proud. Most-- what, 13?-- year olds might have thought about buying books that they like, or new clothes, or anything, but I gave the giftcard to my mom because she was crying about being tight on money for food. The kindle was going to be sold but my dad either broke it or sold it for drugs or strippers. I was so proud, and I wanted to get a million different things-- $100 seemed like SO MUCH-- but that didn’t matter when my mom was exhausted and crying, when food ran low.

And when you’re poor, you can have nice things. You can have a computer, a phone. Maybe you got a nice house before you got broke like my family did. People look at the outside of my house and wonder how we’re on food stamps if we’re doing so well? And it’s frustrating, because everything I get goes towards food. I used to get allowances and Christmas money, and I didn’t spend that shit. I /enjoyed/ saving up. And I gave it all to my mom for food, for electricity, etc. when I was still in middle school. And most of the appliances in my house are broken. We have a bunch of TVs that don’t work. An AC that freezes over and stops working routinely. Parts of shattered windows covered with glass. And it feels like a metaphor: we look alright, so people assume when we have problems that it’s like their problems, but everything’s so broken on the inside that you know it’s not the same. Seeing posts where people criticize the poor pisses me off. Because I started taking only college classes because it meant we didn’t have to lose gas money. Even though it meant I couldn’t talk to or hang out with anyone, because I’m a highschooler surrounded by 20-something-year-olds and my mom would never let me hang around people that weren’t also minors. Even though I don’t get to talk to any of my old highschool friends because we don’t see each other. Because poor people often look like “normal” mid-class people; they can look like “outstanding” students who will probably graduate with their associates degree. But I’m always hungry and I can never eat. And I don’t get to see a real doctor even when I start twitching out of nowhere and have moments where I can’t breathe and get pounding migraines all the time, because no one takes the poor insurance. 

Poor people don’t have the luxuries that mid-class/rich people do. We don’t get doctors, usually. Most food is junk food. I know this rant is 100% me blowing fumes because I looked at responses to the previous post I reblogged, but fuck it. I can rant. I’m allowed to get mad and have feelings. I’m allowed to be frustrated at people who don’t understand that poor people don’t get the same things as everyone else does. A lot of evidence points to the fact that cops crack down harder on poor people (and are more lenient towards richer people. Which is fantastic, really, because poor people are targeted and black people are killed. Cops are really for the people amirite -,-) and you can do your own research on that because I’m not in the mood to find sources. I just want to scream.

I have it a lot better than a lot of other poor people, I know that. But I’m still made that the top 1% get to make billions in their sleep and act like the world should be grateful when they give away a million or two, like they don’t have an ungodly amount of money that they literally couldn’t spend in several lifetimes. Like the amount of money the foodstamp company spends versus the amount people get doesn’t add up. The fact that 47million of 330million Americans rely on foodstamps/foodbanks and we still call ourselves a first world/well functioning/rich and prospering country.

So yeah. Here’s my rant sorry y’all I had to get it out of my system yanno?

[filmgamer]

Although actual nominations won’t be in until Tuesday I added a mix of predicted favourites and personal choices of mine for wishful thinking purposes. Read to get some sort of context and personal filter on what to expect and hope for come January 23rd for the 90th Annual Academy Awards.

Best Picture

Blade Runner 2049 * – Broderick Johnson, Andrew A. Kosove, Bud Yorkin

Call Me By Your Name – Emilie Georges, Luca Guadagnino, James Ivory, Marco Morabito, Howard Rosenman, Peter Spears

Dunkirk – Emma Thomas

The Florida Project – Sean Baker, Chris Bergoch, Kevin Chinoy, Andrew Duncan, Alex Saks Francesca Silvestri, Shih-Ching Tsou

Get Out – Jason Blum, Edward H. Hamm Jr., Sean McKittrick, Jordan Peele

Lady Bird – Eli Bush, Evelyn O’Neill, Scott Rudin

Mudbound – Carl Effenson, Sally Jo Effenson, Cassian Elwes, Charles D. King, Christopher Lemole, Kim Roth, Tim Zajaros

The Shape of Water – J. Miles Dale, Guillermo del Toro

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri – Graham Broadbent, Peter Czernin, Martin McDonagh

Wonder Woman – Charles Roven, Deborah Snyder, Zack Snyder, Richard Suckle

Blade Runner 2049

Call Me By Your Name

Dunkirk

The Florida Project

Get Out

Lady Bird

Mudbound

The Shape of Water

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri

Wonder Woman

Blade Runner 2049 was my favourite movie of the year, Three Billboards was my second favourite, Lady Bird and Get Out were good too. I found Dunkirk to be overrated, confusing and far from Nolan’s best. I am the only person besides my mom that didn’t like Wonder Woman. Mudbound was very boring to me. I like the idea of The Florida Project which has landed on several best of lists winning because of its underclass nature & humble beginnings, a true underdog. I have not seen The Shape of Water but its awards attention has caught my interest and Call Me By Your Name has as much chance of winning as it does being interest to me.

Actress In A Leading Role

Jessica Chastain – Molly’s Game

Gal Gadot – Wonder Woman

Sally Hawkins – The Shape of Water

Frances McDormand* – Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri

Saoirse Ronan – Lady Bird

Jessica Chastain

Gal Gadot

Sally Hawkins

Frances McDormand

Saoirse Ronan

This is a runaway for Frances McDormand who gives her best performance since Fargo. Gal Gadot is good but her nomination would be the story here. Sally Hawkins gives an impressive performance as a deaf-mute. I think Saoirse only gets acclaim because she has a flawless american accent. Jessica Chastain does good character work and deserved the Oscar for Zero Dark Thirty which Jennifer Lawrence won for Silver Linings Playbook (which I love but is not Best Actress worthy).

Actress in A Supporting Role

Octavia Spencer – The Shape of Water

Holly Hunter – The Big Sick

Laurie Metcalf – Lady Bird

Hong Chau – Downsizing

Allison Janney – I, Tonya

Octavia Spencer (Right)

Holly Hunter (Right)

Laurie Metcalf

Hong Chau

Allison Janney

Allison Janney all the way here. Holly Hunter is good in The Big Sick and Octavia Spencer always knows what she’s doing (still haven’t seen Shape of Water or it would fill up the supporting actor category). Hong Chau got raves out of Downsizing, additionally annoying and unfair because the Oscars have become so politicized in recent years this would be seen as a win for diversity after the 87th & 88th #OscarsSoWhite controversies. It’s ironic that her possible nomination would come from writer/director Alexander Payne indulging in his stereotypical racist tendencies. I guess Hollywood takes diversity where they can get it.

Actor In A Leading Role

Hugh Jackman * – Logan

Daniel Kaluuya – Get Out

James McAvoy – Split

Gary Oldman – The Darkest Hour

Denzel Washington – Roman J. Israel Esq.

Hugh Jackman

Daniel Kaluuya

James McAvoy

Gary Oldman

Denzel Washington

This race is Gary Oldman’s to lose. He has turned in a career full of good performances and this is icing on the cake. If anything would hamper him from winning it’d be that the choice is too obvious playing historical figure Winston Churchill. Denzel always makes a great oscar campaign push and he has been hungry for a third win despite being the weakest reviewed movie of the bunch. I didn’t include Timothy Chalamet from ‘Call Me’ because I think his praise is due to the fact that reviewers aren’t aware he’s playing himself in role better written than he is like all first time actor nominees. Hugh Jackman deserves it for Logan even though I’m not a huge fan of that movie he deserves recognition for what he brought to the character. Daniel Kaluuya gives a subtle understated performance that rewards repeat viewings. And James McAvoy has been close to forgotten for his memorable turn in Split as someone with multiple personality disorder I’d like him to get recognized.

Actor In A Supporting Role

Willem Dafoe – The Florida Project

Jamie Foxx – Baby Driver

Christopher Plummer – All the Money In the World

Sam Rockwell – Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri

Patrick Stewart * – Logan

Willem Dafoe

Jamie Foxx (saying “that’s Oscar worthy”)

Christopher Plummer

Sam Rockwell

Patrick Stewart

At the beginning of the campaign I would have said this was an easy win for Willem Dafoe’s warm performance in The Florida Project but another career character actor Sam Rockwell has upstaged him for Three Billboards. Christopher Plummer is good I imagine many people are still amazed he’s in themovie after the Kevin Spacey debacle. I thought Jamie Foxx gave one of his best performances in Baby Driver, he even makes an Oscar reference. Patrick Stewart was so good in Logan that it’s impressive he makes you believe his senile swearing version of Professor X is the same person.

Directing

Martin McDonagh – Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri

Jordan Peele – Get Out

M. Night Shyamalan – Split

Guillermo del Toro – The Shape of Water

Denis Villeneuve – Blade Runner 2049

Jordan Peele, Get Out

M. Night Shyamalan, Split

Martin McDonaugh, Three Billboards

Denis Villeneuve, Blade Runner 2049

Guillermo del Toro, The Shape of Water

Denis Villeneuve made a sequel to a classic that was better than the original while making it his own thing. He received a BAFTA (British Oscars) nomination for this and might repeat all the categories for last year’s Arrival. Jordan Peele, Guilllermo del Toro, and Martin McDonaugh are shoe-ins for the nomination and Greta Gerwig is likely to actually be nominated for Lady Bird, a movie I liked a lot but has modest aims. I threw in a Shyamalan twist because not only has he been nominated for but Split is a legitimately good movie that is unique enough I feel another director couldn’t replicate, and being the best means you’re special.

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)

Hampton Fancher and Michael Green – Blade Runner 2049

James Ivory – Call Me By Your Name

Aaron Sorkin – Molly’s Game

Stephen Chbosky and Steve Conrad and Jack Thorne – Wonder

Scott Neustadter & Michael H. Weber – The Disaster Artist

I think side by side with Three Billboards, Blade Runner is the best script this year and they happen to qualify for two different categories so yay! The Disaster Artist, Molly’s Game and Call Me are all favourites because it’s a weak year for this category which is why there will likely be a few surprises. I threw in Wonder because it’s high on the betting pool, commercially and critically successful, and it’s the movie every book lover expected to love and every movie lover expected to hate (but surprisingly didn’t) and The Perks of Being A Wallflower was pretty decent. Mudbound could score a nomination here to but I didn’t put it personally because its incremental pacing felt like a slog for me that just didn’t flow.

Adapted – Michael Green (who also wrote Alien Covenant, Logan, and Murder On The Orient Express all this year) rewrote Hampton Fancher’s screenplay (right)

Original – Greta Gerwig Writer/ Director of Lady Bird

Original – Martin McDonagh Writer/ Director of 3 Billboards

Original – Kumail Nanjiani & Emily V. Gordon wrote The Big Sick together. In writing credits the use of an ‘&’ denotes simultaneous collaboration while the use of ‘and’ indicates someone rewrote someone else’s screenplay

Original – Vanessa Taylor (co-writer of The Shape of Water with Del Toro)

Writing (Original Screenplay)

Greta Gerwig – Lady Bird

Martin McDonagh – Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri

Emily V. Gordon & Kumail Nanjiani – The Big Sick

Jordan Peele – Get Out

Guillermo del Toro and Vanessa Taylor – The Shape of Water

If Lady Bird doesn’t end up getting completely shut out come Oscar night for being good enough to get noticed but not enough to take home (typical Lady Bird amirite?) it’ll win here as Get Out and Shape muscle in on their visual splendor. Of course I don’t think any movie this year takes as many risks as the unpredictable 3 Billboards does in its screenplay so it should win. The Big Sick was in my top list for this year but original? C’mon its based pretty much on the real life story of its writers, it should be adapted if anything however rules are rules.

Best Cinematography

Roger Deakins – Blade Runner 2049

The 68 year old is the closest thing to a sure thing this year and has been nominated 13 times before without winning and this is his best work which everyone has said from the beginning. Some of his previous nominations include: The Shawshank Redemption, Fargo, A Beautiful Mind, No Country For Old Men, Skyfall & Sicario. He absolutely deserves this one.

Best Original Score

Hanz Zimmer – Dunkirk

I didn’t like this movie but I listened to the score countless times while putting together my harsh review of it. The rarely idle Hans does the devil’s work here. And his Inception score was much better than Trent Reznor’s The Social Network which won that year. #robbed

Best Visual Effects

War for the Planet of the Apes

Another much hyped movie on my website I was let down by. I have never seen a director so obviously confident behind the camera its annoying that this series now so well realized spends its last chapter doing a prison break riff. Good Visual Effects are all about enhancing the story and I’ve never seen effects pushed so hard in that regard. Surprisingly, this rebooted series with state of the art effects that take YEARS to render has yet to win but unless members of the academy decide to feel sorry for Blade Runner or reward the epic looking latest Transformers: The Last Knight this should be a steal.

A Perfect and Backlash-Free Choice Oscar Nomination List Although actual nominations won’t be in until Tuesday I added a mix of predicted favourites and personal choices of mine for wishful thinking purposes.