#steve deserves to be more to nancy than second best because he always has been

[formosusiniquis]

y'know like barbie

ao3

It's Erica who gives him the idea, incidentally. Though she carries herself with a maturity that far surpasses the boys most days and though she's been through multiple life altering events, she does continue to only be eleven. Which is, it turns out, prime babysitting age.

The Sinclairs are going out of town overnight, it's their anniversary -- 18 blissful years, since our marriage can vote we thought we deserved a night away -- and they don't want Erica to spend the night home alone.

Enter Steve, who the Sinclairs trust with their children and who is inexplicably the only person Erica would accept staying the night with her. Steve honestly didn't believe it even as Mrs. Sinclair was saying it. But he smiles and nods, looks over the emergency numbers on the fridge when they're pointed to, nods at the money on the counter for food that he probably won't take, and waves as they walk out the door promising that he and Erica will be fine for the night and not to worry.

It's only when their car is out of the driveway and the door is shut that Steve realizes he isn't really a babysitter. He is a keep children alive while in a dangerous situation and when the situation is over drive them around because you feel bad that their childhoods have been marred by trauma-er which doesn't have quite the same ring as babysitter, and it's a lot harder to say with that rude tone the boys have been favoring. He also realizes that he's never actually dealt with children, or not girl children. The boys had all been older than Erica, when he had started keeping them alive. Max was definitely basically a teenager when he started really dealing with her; and she was usually okay to do what the boys wanted to do, like go to the arcade. Hopper didn't really trust him with El and that was fine, he wasn't sure he trusted himself with El either.

It put him in an awkward spot now though. Staring at Erica in her kitchen, a little afraid to ask the question on the front of his mind which was "What now?"

So he asks the second question on his mind, "What do you want to do that isn't eat ice cream all night?"

Say what you will about Steve Harrington, and a lot has been said, but he always keeps his promises and he always brings a pint of ice-cream for Erica to have when he comes over to the Sinclair house. Tonight he brought three, all different weird flavors he thought she'd like to try.

"Why can't I eat ice cream all night?" She says it with a challenge in her eyes, but he'd bet dollars to donuts that she's just doing it to make him sweat. "Because I've seen you eat ice cream, we've only got enough for two hours at most." His hand migrates as if of its own mind to his hip. "You need more than two people for Dungeons and Dragons, right?"

Her brows raise, for the first time since he's met her Erica Sinclair is stunned silent. Maybe she's just surprised he got the name right.

It lasts about as long as it takes him to notice it. "You'd play Dungeons and Dragons with me?" There's something fragile in the way she asks, and there is the eleven year old girl she's meant to be. 

"Sure, you'd have to show me how, but if that's what you want to do I'm game."

Eyes narrowed in a distinctly intimidating way he kind of thinks she stole from Nancy, he does his best to make his sincerity clear on his face. "We need more than two people, but I've got something else we can do if you think your fragile manhood can take it."

He's got a retort at the tip of his tongue about just what his manhood can take and remembers just in time that yeah probably shouldn't make a joke like that in front of an actual child. "My pride isn't that delicate, I think I can handle anything you dish out."

"Famous last words."

He follows her to her bedroom, waiting outside the doorway to let her space stay private until he's told to come in. A clear plastic tub slides out from under her bed, out of sight but easily accessible and when the lid pops off he gets why. Rows of Barbies stacked neatly on top of each other, a mass grave for childhood. Steve has a stuffed bear, fur rubbed off of one ear, tucked up on the shelf of his closet that also got put away sooner than he would have chosen to, when it was too babyish.

“Alright, so who is the, like, elven warrior.”

“That’s not how you play Barbies.”

It’s snapped so fast that he thinks it embarasses her. He tactfully avoids eye contact, pulling out a doll with blonde hair snipped into a professional, if uneven, bob and a green skirt set. She's missing a shoe. “Then how do I play Barbies?”

“That one just won the Nobel Peace Prize, she solved world hunger, but she has plans to kill the Barbie who won the prize in Physics because she stole Barbie One’s research and gave it to NASA claiming it was her own.”

“Right, of course.” This was the kind of shit that happened on Dallas, only Barbie had a lot more awards. “And they’re all called Barbie?”

“Except for Ken, but Ken doesn’t do anything.”

“Well if Barbie just won the Peace Prize wouldn’t she use Ken to kill Barbie so she doesn’t get caught.”

Erica manages a look that is both condescending and considerate. “Barbie can do anything, including get away with murder; but she wouldn’t want to dirty her hands with that sort of thing.”

“And if Ken goes to jail it’s no loss.”

“Right.”

-

So maybe it's more accurate to say that Dustin actually starts it.

Dustin with the shittiest attitude this side of the Ohio, something Robin blames him for.

“Like father, like son.”

“Dustin doesn’t even know his dad.”

“I mean you and Eddie, dingus.”

“I am not that kid's dad. A brotherly figure at best, strong male role model more likely.”

“He’s a bitch because you are, Steve. Maybe if your and Eddie’s love language wasn’t being as bitchy as possible it wouldn’t have rubbed off on your kid.”

“Please don’t put Dustin and rubbing off in the same paragraph let alone the same thought wave.”

Dustin comes sprinting into Family Video on a Tuesday afternoon. “Steve! I need your car.”

“Did you learn how to drive when I wasn’t paying attention?”

“Obviously, I meant I need you too.” His hands are on his hips, eyes rolled. Shit maybe he did get it from Steve. “There’s this theoretical physicist coming to Notre Dame to give a talk on the Multiverse Theory.”

Steve was allowing himself a second to consider whether this was worth it, for once, instead of just blindly agreeing to drive Dustin wherever. The drive sucked ass, but it would put him close enough to Chicago that he could try to find a music store that would carry albums from the international metal bands Eddie couldn’t stop talking about.

It was a second too long for Dustin. “Steve, a theoretical physicist-”

See Steve had this suspicion that the kids did actually think he was an idiot. He was pretty sure that none of them, hell maybe none of Hellfire, save for Lucas realized that every athlete in the school had to keep up at least a 2.5 GPA. Which might not have been anything to write home about but Steve kept a 3.2 for most of high school, until the multiple concussions started to catch up with him. He wasn’t stupid, was the point and even if they didn’t think he was an idiot in a mean way he was a little sick of the shit.

“I know, like Barbie.”

That shuts Dustin up real quick.

“N- no, not like Barbie! Barbie is some girl's toy.”

“Excuse me?” Robin, who told Steve that she would not help him parent his children on work days or any other day ending in y had remembered that Martes doesn’t have one and her shift was almost over. “What does that mean, exactly, a girl’s toy?”

“And,” Steve adds, because he can and because Eddie made him drive him to fucking Bloomington because he was fixated on time travel and needed access to some science journal that only existed at Indiana U apparently, “Barbie is on a research team looking for the Higgs particle so she can start figuring out time travel.”

The bell chiming as Dustin leaves has never sounded sweeter.

He’ll definitely end up taking the twerp to stupid Notre Dame.

-

The thing is that Steve thinks he’s never really stopped being a bitch.

He doesn’t want to stop. He likes being bitchy. It’s fun, when you’re doing it with people you like it’s pretty funny, and honestly he’s kinda like Spiderman. With great power comes great responsibility, he’s only bitchy responsibly now.

And it’s actually perfectly responsible as an older brother type babysitter figure to correct the behavior of the younger siblings by being bitchy. If they don’t learn at home they’ll go out in the world thinking that kind of behavior is acceptable, see Steve Harrington in his early high school days who talked to people like his father did.

So when Mike interrupts El with, “I’m not going to ask Steve, he probably doesn’t even know what a Pulitzer is either.”

He says, “Oh, yeah like Barbie won. Or Nancy will someday, probably. It’s a journalism award, Wheeler.”

And when Lucas corrects, “I don’t actually think you can win an award for comics. It’s still really great though, Will!”

“Barbie won the Kirby Award in 1985 for best artist, I’m sure Will is soon to follow.”

Or when Nancy tells Holly, “Are you sure you wouldn’t want to be something important instead?”

“You could be an actress and do something cool like go to space if you want, Hols, like Barbie.” And maybe he says it with a little more bitch than he should that time, but he’s seen the ballerinas in Nancy’s room, she didn’t always want to be an investigative journalist.

It gets to be second nature. When someone starts being shitty about something or to lighten the mood.

Erica doubts whether she should run for student council. It's her first step to being actual president, like Barbie.

Dustin makes a crack about Steve's possible future prospects when he butts in on a conversation between Steve and Robin. "I could do all three, I could be a counselor and a hair stylist and an engineer. Maybe I'll add EMT too, Barbie wouldn't stop at three, why should I?"

Or when Mike sneers at him, "What are you a cop?" All because Steve told him not to buy weed now that Eddie had stopped dealing.

"Ew, no, because you look like a fresh-faced little narc trying to be cool and you're gonna get ripped off."

"What so not like Barbie?"

"The Barbie world has achieved equality at a level that it doesn't need the cops." Eddie sometimes has to get high after a run in with Powell or Calahan who he still doesn't really trust after the spring. Steve has been treated to many a lecture on why the police were a waste of resources.

He lets Mike sit with that for a minute before he adds, "Like Barbie, I am very cool and know what it looks like when I'm being taken for a ride. If you're gonna get pot from someone other than Eddie, ask Hop where he used to get all of his shit."

It doesn't feel stupid, until El comes running into the cabin one afternoon that Steve has decided to join the rebuilding effort. It’s actually just him and Hop, who has started trying to quietly parent him, something he’s not entirely convinced isn’t revenge for telling Wheeler that Hop has smoked pot before. Steve is pretty sure El was crying when she came in, something he bumps up to a certainty when he sees how awkward Hop looks right now.

“You mind taking that kid? It’s been a long time since high school.” he rubs the back of his neck, Steve does appreciate that he has the decency to feel weird about asking. “If it’s anything outside of big brother shit I can take over.”

He does let himself get suckered by that big brother line.

El is facedown on her bed in a clear ‘leave me alone I’m crying’ pose but he figures he’s already here it’s not like he can turn around and tell Hop that he was too afraid to approach a crying teenage girl. Like that wasn’t the whole reason he’d been sent in the first place. “Hey Ellie, can I come in?”

She sits up, tear tracks plain on her face but no more are falling, and nods in that endearing, aggressively certain way she’s got. “Is everything okay?” He pauses and asks, “Was it Mike?” because he knows that’ll be the first thing Hopper asks when Steve comes back out.

“You are worse than Dad.”

“That stings, Ellie Bell.”

She takes a deep breath, steeling an already impressive will, “Lucas says it is okay to just want to be happy right now, but all they talk about is what they are going to do. Dustin is talking about going to admission early, Will talks about talking to Dad and Joyce about art school, Lucas worries about his sports and scholarships, and Mike talks about classes that count twice. I do not know what I want to be. I do not know why I have to be anything.”

“You guys have been through a lot. I don’t think anyone would blame you for taking time to just be a kid.”

“What if I never want to be something? What if I do not ever want to go to college?”

He’s made his way over to the bed with her, sits tentatively on the edge like he’s seen Joyce do before. “Then you don’t. You’ll probably have to get a job at some point, but that doesn’t have to be what you are. Lucas isn’t a landscaper just because he mows lawns in the summer.”

“You don’t think Dad would be upset?” she asks.

“I don’t think there’s anything you could do that would really make Hop mad. And you might change your mind. I've been out of school for almost two years and I’m only thinking about college now. Or you could go to college and change your mind about what you want to be. You could be a hundred things, you could be anything! Like Barbie.”

He feels like an idiot almost immediately. A jerk quickly after that. He’s made El’s genuine crisis part of his stupid running joke. But something settles in the room. The underlying tension, the thing that had the hair on the back of his neck raised. He realizes, now, that her powers had probably also been on edge.

"Like Barbie." She says it with a graven seriousness, like Steve's dumb little joke is a mantra now.

"Yeah, and you're a sophomore you don't have to have your whole life figured out right now. And don't take life advice from Henderson anyway, he thought it was a good idea to raise an Upside Down slug as a pet."

He mostly just used it to be a bitch though. Because it was fun. No, it was what he was good at. So good at it he didn't even have to try.

Because Steve had a plan to be bitchy. Specifically to Mike Wheeler who kept flirting with Steve’s boyfriend while taking advantage of his hospitality. Sure it was at their stupid Dungeons and Dragons game, and yeah Steve was the one who said they could host the game at his house now that Eddie had graduated. Yes, he knew Eddie didn't mean anything by it when he responded and usually didn't flirt back with the kids. But it was still the kind of behavior that had to be gently corrected, for Mike's sake because if he didn't stop things were going to get drastic.

His initial plan is already in action. He encouraged El to come along to watch the Party play. It was, admittedly, a half hearted plan. Wheeler got so awkward anytime El was around he mostly just hoped that would keep him from trying anything.

It isn't. Eddie starts to describe a new character, "Blonde and statuesque, she has a long bow in hand and delicate elven features."

And even though El is sitting a few feet from him Mike perks up the way he always does when there's a new NPC to flirt with. He is going to have to have a talk with Eddie about letting the kid try out a bard.

He does at least have one other tool in his belt. "Oh, like Barbie."

Steve knew what he'd get as he said it. A groan from Dustin, who falls for this as being sincere about as often as he falls for the dumb-dumbs and dipshits line -- which is everytime for the record. Will and Lucas keep their laughs small, enough that they're covered by Erica's snort. The original Hellfire crew mostly looks confused, it's becoming less and less their default as they warm up to the Steve he is rather than the Steve they thought they remembered; but he likes to keep them on their toes.

Eddie is charmed. He can tell. Sees him duck his head behind his screen and his binders, trying to preserve the stern and scary dungeon master image. That apparently isn't possible if you're smiling like an idiot at your stupid boyfriend, so he's been told.

And Mike has maybe been on the wrong end of the joke a few more times than everyone else. He turns an interesting shade of red, two parts anger and one part embarrassed is Steve's guess. The foot stomp is unexpected, but he expects its been passed down the Wheeler line as a shared signal of outrage. "Not like Barbie, this isn't some stupid kids game. She's probably a hot, wisened archer ready to reward us for helping her village, not some stupid doll that you're obsessed with."

Eddie's blank face with the twitchy eyes has fallen into place when he sits back up from behind his screen. His things aren't going according to plan, panicked face. "I think that's a good place to end things this week. Wheeler, Henderson, Jeff, and Lady Applejack you've all cleared enough experience to level right? Do that before next week."

Steve knows enough to keep his mouth shut while everyone packs up to leave. Sends a small smile to Erica on her way out to the family minivan, he knows she struggles a little being the youngest at the table even if she won't say it. He has to imagine that the outburst had stung a bit.

"You gotta be nicer to little Wheeler." Eddie chides once everyone is gone, halfhearted at best when he's telling Steve off into the soft skin of his neck. When he feels the admonishment more than hears it.

"I'm not mean to Mike." He says on instinct, he does try not to be. "And he started it."

"Definitely think you started the Barbie thing, Sweetheart."

And well, yeah. "I Barbie all the kids equally."

Eddie hmms Steve can feel the vibration of it through his back and on his neck. Eddie is about to start something he better plan on finishing. "He asked Hop where he should get weed."

Oh. "I didn't think he'd actually do it!" And then, "Is that why he keeps flirting with you, revenge?"

"No, he's got a bunch of misplaced jealousy because Will and the girls think you're hot." He toys with the edge of Steve's shirt as he says it. Perpetually cold fingers brushing the clothes warmed skin beneath making him shiver.

"The girls don't think I'm hot."

He hums again, nips at the blush red skin at Steve's neck. "El used to, Max definitely has a taste for jock.

"That's not my fault, you let Mike play a bard." He wishes he didn't sound so desperate.

"Wanted to leave the Paladin spot open for you, baby."

"I'm starting to feel convinced, we could go upstairs and you could show me your character sheet."

The things he'll say to get laid.

"Don't think I can do that Stevie, smooth as a Ken doll down there. Could show you the actual character sheet though." 

His back is cold as Eddie pulls away, smirking unrepentant as he lets Steve have the tiniest taste of his own medicine.

"Barbie has a very active sex life, actually." He's never been one not to double down. "Let me show you the fun we can have without getting your dick out."

-

He does leave it alone for a little while, even though he really, really doesn't want to. But despite what his friends, his fifth grade report card, and his mom might think; Steve is capable of keeping a hold of his worst impulses when he wants to.

So he lets opportunity pass him by.

He makes no comment about Barbie when Eddie talks about how John Carpenter is a film auteur. Not even when Dustin tries to define auteur for him. Incorrectly, but Robin comes to Steve's defense.

Barbie goes unmentioned, barely when an argument breaks out about Nobel prize winners, of all things. He thinks the kids argue more now than they ever have like it's the only way they have to get their bloodlust out now that the Upside Down was closed. He was quickly boxed out of the conversation, even if Erica kept sending him little glances over everyone's heads. (She'd let him have Peace Prize Barbie a couple weeks ago and maybe he was a little obsessed.)

Holly wants to be a vet now, a singing vet who is also on TV, but mostly a vet. She tells him all about it while he waits for Mike to find his shoes? Definitely not his quarters for the arcade, the day any of them bring those is the day Steve brings the nail bat back out. He’s one impulse purchase away from getting one of those little coin dispenser belts that the employees have -- Gareth just quit, maybe he still had his? Mike's frown is a little less general annoyance at Steve and a little more confusion when he's finally ready to leave and Barbie has gone unmentioned.

He almost breaks again when Eddie starts talking about sports. Or he starts talking about NASCAR which is close enough for Eddie, he has a surprising taste for racing for someone who never wanted to put his van on the starting line at parties. A woman led a Busch Series race for the first time, what a year '86. He's got no opinion on Barbie's ability to drive at all.

He could let a joke go. He could be nice. It wasn't so out of character that it needed this kind of attention.

-

Mike has forgiven him by the time the next session rolls around. Delayed two weeks after Eddie screamed so loud on stage that he couldn't speak for two days, and then again for Jeff's emergency appendectomy. Eddie has stopped leaving pointed gaps in conversation for Steve to fill with mention of Barbie, he has had his thinking face on instead which is good for Steve about as often as it isn't.

He leaves it alone. A little bit of non-life threatening surprise is good for the soul, or something. Listen, he’s made it this far by only asking questions when shit is about to get really, really bad and Eddie’s thinking face has only resulted in something bad once or twice -- and they probably should have spent more than a couple minutes negotiating that particular kink anyway.

When the kids start showing up and nothing has come from the thinking face, he assumes it was just for them anyway. He settles in to see whatever shit Eddie is going to do.

"From the ditch you pull a human man, a paladin. His plate is dirtied by his time on the ground but clearly gleams in its typical state. He's handsome, a square jaw and fluffy brown hair-"

"Ugh is this Steve? You already made us do a quest for him," Mike complains, maybe he hasn’t completely forgiven Steve for that last interruption.

Steve has, by his own count been the inspiration for at least three NPCs for this campaign: a white light faction rogue, Sol, that the party had to rescue from the dungeons of the nightmare King after he was caught sneaking into the bedrooms of the prince -- like it was Steve's fault that Wayne had super hearing; a young fighter from the gladiatorial combat ring who helped the party rescue a group of kidnapped children that were going to be used as bait in the next round of fights; and the most obvious Prince Stefan who sent the party on a quest to kill his betrothed a Duke called Thomas the Boarish and rescue his knight Rowen and beloved Bard Edwin -- it's not like he could unkiss Tommy, and he could be a dick but boarish was dramatic. 

He was not this paladin, assuming Eddie was telling the truth about saving the Paladin he'd made for Steve.

"Cut the out of character chatter, Michael, before it starts counting in game. The Paladin before you is handsome in a bland, approachable, non-threatening way," Mike opens his mouth again, how is that not like Steve surely perched at the edge of his tongue and stopped in its tracks by elbows from Erica and Joey. "He introduces himself to his rescuer, Will the Wise, 'Thank you, kind sir, I would have been down there for ages before my lady noticed my absence. I am Sir Kenneth.'"

"What deity does he serve?" Will asks, something suspicious drawing across his face.

"Is there a holy symbol on his armor?" Gareth follows up. Gareth has been backing a lot of Will's plays lately, Steve thinks something might be going on there but he hasn't wanted to deal with Eddie teasing him for being a meddling matchmaker, again.

"There is no identifiable holy symbol on his clothes or armor." Eddie says, there's a mischief in his eyes, the way he tilts his head with quiet challenge and smiles.

"What God do you serve?" Erica asks, blunt and to the point. She gets cranky when her rogue doesn't have anything to stab.

"'The Lady in Pink,' he answers."

Any time Eddie reveals lore shit there's always a bunch of people talking over top of each other. It always turns into the kind of mass blob of shouting that Steve has a hard time parsing out, especially these days. Eddie somehow manages to distinguish not only people but the things they're saying and keeps his cool enough to keep the story going.

"Roll your insight, Gareth. Jeff, with a 15 history check, you have heard some whisperings from your homeland about a newly ascended goddess but not a name. Dustin, you're not getting shit with a 5 don't even try that but my back story says shit with me. Will, pretty sure that's a cleric spell but I'll let you have it he's a Neutral Good alignment. An 18, shit, yeah Garebear he does seem to be telling the truth that is the deity he follows; but that isn't the whole truth, you know a lot of the newer pantheon have a colloquial name and a true name."

"I'm sorry," Lucas says, "we aren't familiar with your lady. What can you tell us about her? Why would she leave you there? And that's a 14 on persuasion before you even ask."

"Why would I have asked that, Sinclair the elder? He has stars in his eyes when he speaks, 'before she ascended she was already limitless. A powerful warrior, an expert marksman, a mage beyond compare. Her power grew and grew until the only place left to explore was godhood.'"

"And what's her real name, if we wanted to spread the word?" Joey asks.

"'Oh she's everything. She's the lady in pink, she's the goddess with the golden mane, but before she ascended she favored one name I assume she has kept it.'"

"What is it?" Mike asks, perched at the edge of his seat.

"Oh no," Dustin whispers, a dawning horror on his face.

"'Barbara, though she preferred it shortened. Nicknames you call them," Steve sees the joke, knows where this is going a split second before reality breaks through the haze of fantasy for the players around the table. Eddie's smirking now, smile too pleased and too attractive. "'Y'know like Barbie?'"

[wakeupthemembersofbylernation]

Just say you hate Eleven don’t beat around the bush with listing all the reasons Will deserves a prize. “deserves the boy he loves” right and where does Mikes feelings coming into that exactly? So far I’ve learned there two sets of fans the ones who fancy finn and want to see him kiss boys as some weird fantasy and the others who adore Will and feel he deserves what he wants without thinking of the other party.

Only in the ST fandom can someone take a reasonable sentence like, “After four seasons of trauma, Will deserves a happy ending” and utterly twist it to mean, “I hate El and want her to be alone and miserable grrr.” It’s also wild how you can glean “Will deserves a prize” from my words when that’s not at all what I said. I don’t see Mike as a “prize” for Will. That’d be ridiculous. I see them as equals- because that’s what they are: lifelong best friends who’ve been through so much, consistently put each other first, and have made multiple beautiful promises to each other.

“But you said, ‘Will has suffered so much and deserves a happy ending with the boy he loves.’ How is that not proving my point?” Yes, I did say that, and I would say it again in a heartbeat. Will has suffered so much. Here’s a refresher on just some of his trauma. Given the context of everything, given the significance of Will’s sexuality to both his coming-of-age journey and the 80s, it would be genuinely cruel to not give him a happy ending. And it’s not Byler shippers on the Internet, but the show itself, that has consistently tied this happy ending to Mike. It’s been reinforced in every season, and the writers and filmmakers doubled-down on it in Season 4 through the van scene and through aggressively inserting Will into every Milkvan scene so that he’s always on your mind. S3 brought up their hypothetical question of the future through the rain fight, and it also had Will very specifically saying, “I’m not gonna fall in love.” This was not placed in the show so he could be proven right in S5 when Mike iNeViTaBlY rejects him. Be serious.

As I said in my post, this has nothing to do with thinking unreciprocated storylines don’t serve a purpose in media. Obviously they do! Stranger Things has given us a few: Dustin and Max, Steve and Robin, and Steve and Nancy (after they broke up). It is also given us another which I will talk about in a second, although this one comes with a twist. Dustin was crushing on the attractive new girl in school, as was Lucas. Max chose Lucas and fell for him. Dustin was sad about it, sure. The Snowball dance emphasized his general sadness as well as his unluckiness with girls at the time. Narratively, dancing with Nancy was the healing moment he needed to move on. It propelled his character to his Season 3 glow up, where he surprises his friends with news that he is dating Suzie. Dustin liked Max, but he wasn’t in love with Max, built upon a lifelong friendship. The situation is just structurally different.

Steve and Robin? Well, you know the story. Steve developed feelings for Robin (after Dustin pushed him in that direction, I might add) over the course of S3. But Robin was like, “Psyche! I’m a lesbian. Let’s be best friends,” and platonic Stobin was born. Notice there was no grief on Steve’s part. Steve was shocked, sure, but he wasn’t heartbroken. He bounced back in a heartbeat and fully accepted her sexuality. And then the season ends with their friendship shenanigans at the video store. Again, this was a crush. And it had a very interesting plot twist at the end of it. And it served a very specific purpose in Steve’s journey.

In terms of Steve and Nancy, there was more heartbreak involved, since they were actually dating. And in S4, it’s clear that Steve has never fully gotten over Nancy, or at least he thinks he hasn’t gotten over her. But narratively, this just serves a fundamentally different purpose than the situation between Mike and Will. Steve believes he needs romantic love to be happy, so his arc is accepting that he doesn’t. Also, as a presumed straight character (even though I love the bi Steve HCs), he doesn’t have the same kind of existential crisis that Will, a sad gay boy in the 80s, does.

The fourth unreciprocated storyline is an interesting one cause it’s not actually unreciprocated at all. It just seems that way. And of course, I’m talking about Robin and Vickie. Robin has feelings for Vickie, but when she sees Vickie with her boyfriend Dan, she assumes all hope is lost. But alas, all hope is not lost! Vickie is queer too and has feelings for Robin as well. You just have to take off your heteronormative glasses to recognize it. Sound similar to something else?

I bring this up because while Byler shares surface-level similarities to these other unrequited storylines, it visually parallels the situation with Robin and Vickie. So don’t be surprised when Mike, like Vickie, turns out not to be straight. And character wise, it’s deeper than all the other examples by miles. Dustin got over Max, Steve got over Robin, Steve is just looking for any girlfriend tbh, and S4 showed Robin getting over Vickie before the plot twist. Will and Mike are lifelong best friends, and a slow-burn rejection arc would not only make no sense, in-universe it would structurally derail Byler’s powerful connection and interrupt key plots already in motion during the apocalypse.

You forget that these aren’t real people. They are characters. In real life, sure, sometimes you don’t get what you want. Sometimes gay kids fall in love with their lifelong straight best friends, get gently rejected, and then life goes on eventually. In real life, saying, “But I have suffered, so you must love me back,” would be insane. And Will agrees. The homewrecker allegations need to stop. In the context of the show, Will doesn’t think that Mike loves him back. He doesn’t think love can be for boys like him. It rips him apart and tears him inside for sure, but all throughout S4 he’s the one trying to repair his bestie’s relationship while being madly in love with him. Will thinks he will be forever alone, and your argument is that he should be proven right?

Of course, I adore Will. He’s my favorite character, and I’m a proud member of the Willuminati. The shoe fits, and I will wear it. But I saw this Tweet today that I had to screenshot, and it applies directly to the subtext of your ask:

No one should find it strange or delusional or creepy that people ship Will with the boy he’s into. Calling it a “weird fantasy” in any context is inherently homophobic and weird behavior. You simply would not say that about any other ship in the show. Admit that you find queerness icky. Don’t hide behind faux concern for El.

Lastly, I must directly respond to your question,“Where do Mike’s feelings come into that exactly? Why do Bylers feel Will deserves what he wants without thinking of the other party?”

What are you even saying? Accusing Bylers of not thinking about Mike is the strangest accusation considering there are 50 essays per day posted on this app diving into the psychology of Mike. Mike’s feelings are powerful. Mike’s feelings are important. I could just as easily have written a post that said, “After everything Mike has been through, he deserves a happy ending with the boy he loves” because Mike clearly loves Will. It is overflowing out of him. If you analyze and “think of the other party” as you put it, it becomes crystal-clear where Mike’s feelings come into play and what his happy ending is. Hint: it’s not with the girl he can’t even write ILY to.

I could have written about Mike, but my post was about Will, who is canonically gay, deeply traumatized, and whose sexuality is not in doubt. Will deserves a happy ending. “But El is also traumatized, and she deserves a happy ending as well.” Agreed, but her happy ending and the overall trajectory of her character arc simply do not center Mike. El’s arc is rooted in her independence, and I could do a deep-dive analysis comparing and contrasting Will and El and explaining why romantic love is central to Will’s endgame but not to El’s. But I’m sure there are fifty of those already on this platform. I want Mike, Will, and El to all have happy endings.

Anyway, Byler endgame.

[laughing-drawing-aces]

I'm still a bit mad about s4 of Stranger Things because they turned both Robin and Steve into pathetic messes in order to make their dynamic work with Nancy, when in reality all three would struggle to be around each other.

Like Robin acted borderline pathetic for befriending Nancy, who was rude to her in the beginning. It's like she didn't care and threw herself at her. Plus, realistically, she would have side-eyed her for being Steve's ex. But her entire personality got thrown out the window in order to avoid conflict. Because let's be real, if Steve acted the way around her like Nancy did, Robin would have acted differently and called him out. She wouldn't let it slide, but it's Steve and not Nancy, who is perfect.

Steve acted pathetic around Nancy because he still loved her after all these years despite moving on in s3. It wouldn't be half as bad if it was more balanced, but we never saw Nancy being completely in love with Steve, even when they were together. It was always him who loved more, and now he still followed her around despite her actions in s2. Like the audience (at least some) knows Nancy cheated on him, which is a touchy subject for Steve, and yet all of his personality was ignored in order to worship his ex. I swear if he would know the truth about what happened at Murray's, I doubt he would act that way. But that would require the show acknowledging Jancy cheated, which would paint their relationship in a bad light, and the show wanted you to root for them (at least in s1-s2)

Not to forget how both Robin and Steve's other relationships got ignored for focusing on simping for Nancy. Stobin deserves an independent arc outside of romance. Like discussing their trauma from s3 and healing from it.

I wouldn't be so mad if Nancy was the driving force to make it work in s4. If she had reflected on her mistakes with Steve, it would be much more satisfying. It would make her befriending Robin much more meaningful and more natural to bring back Stancy. Because again, it's only one-sided, and Steve deserves someone who loves him as much as he loves his partner. Nancy never showed that in the show. It was always about Jonathan from s1 onwards. Her admitting she only chose Steve because Jonathan wasn't available put Stancy in such a tragic light for me. Because they never were to make it because Nancy wasn't in it 100%. It's not even the Barb thing, I'm sure it played into it, but Stancy failing is mostly due to Steve being the second choice from the beginning. Steve deserves to know that from her because he still has hopes and blames himself for the relationship's failure. And if they make Stancy endgame without Nancy putting in an ounce of work, I'll be pissed.

Also, if the show had included the messy problems within the teen group, the season ending in disaster would have been much more believable. Like the plan wouldn't have worked either way because of the tension and them not being on the same page and having trouble working together. They were destined to fail because of inner circle problems. I don't get this need of everyone being best buddies when there is so much conflict between them. It's boring tbh. And idk what the Duffers problem is that nobody is allowed to have negative feelings about Nancy or admitting that she hurt people. It's like the show is gaslighting us. You, as the audience, see how Nancy makes mistakes, and yet nobody in the show acknowledges it or is phased by it. The opposite happens because everyone simply loves her more for it. And then you're like, am I crazy??? Like when every other character makes mistakes, it's called out. People still give Steve shit about high school, but with Nancy, the same standard doesn't apply.

also this is going to be long so going to put under read more

oh my god same every time i think about how stobin just looks pathetic to show how nancy is this capable ‘leader’ drives me insane. because first of: steve and robin helped way more than nancy did. nancy just got told things and then shot a gun. that’s honestly all she did in season 4 except for create a plan that failed (which it would have failed either way but yeah). legit people think that stobin did nothing in the major fight which is because they put so much pressure on nancy’s shot that their contributions mean nothing.

honestly i will never understand robin wanting to make friends so fast with nancy meanwhile we saw last season that she called nancy a priss. also everyone complains about robin not having more talk about her sexuality and being outed which would have been good if right here we got it! robin is hesitant to be friends with nancy because maybe for her it’s always been weird for her to have friends that are girls. we could have gotten this expansion on how there’s homophobia in the 80s so perfectly with this storyline! but nope! yeah honestly they three out a bunch of robin’s characteristics and personality to just follow nancy around like a duck or a dog. and 100% robin would have called steve out if he acted like nancy did to her.

honestly yep that about steve! like he acts sooo whipped about nancy which to be fair he was while they were dating and even before. but why isn’t steve allowed a little bit resentment about how their relationship ended? why isn’t he allowed to be mad at nancy? god everytime i think about how steve is just now reduced to worshipping his ex i get so fucking annoyed. like i love how sweet steve is don’t get me wrong but can we also see him maybe experience some more negative emotions? it feels like after season 1 steve wasn’t allowed to feel anger at people/characters anymore. of course he’s bitchy and snippy but he doesn’t have any true anger moments! honestly lol the show will never acknowledge jancy cheating just like the people in the fandom who are delulu. also like lol just because you admit it doesn’t mean that you can’t still like them or that they’re evil people.

i am so fucking mad how stobin was just reduced to nancy! it even happens in the fandom: you can’t go two seconds about hearing the boat scene without hearing how ‘robin stared at nancy and look how she yelled nancy’s name’ meanwhile her bestie STEVE is dying. there are so many other dynamics but the show did stobin so dirty by just making their dynamic about nancy so fandom simply followed suit no matter how much they hate the duffers and what they write: they always seem to do exactly what the duffers are doing.

everything you said about nancy being the driving force. honestly it’s wild how nancy admits herself that she settled for steve because jonathan wasn’t available and people still think that she didn’t a) cheat by knowingly getting with another man despite the fact that she knew she wanted jonathan and b) just say that she went along with what steve was doing. i’m actually going to scream about that second one because how on earth do you want nancy to be her own person but then fucking willingly take away what she says she did of her own right?!? makes no sense: the math ain’t mathing. thank you for saying it’s not just barb! honestly people think it’s just about barb but no it’s legit because nancy just doesn’t love steve.

the way i love the messy dynamics but the duffers just breeze over it now bothers me. hell the fandom bothers me more when they do this lol. god everything here! this is already so long so i don’t want to add too much. but i do like nancy it’s just the fact that a) the show makes you believe that she’s right all the time! b) also her fans who just don’t want to criticize her or just won’t admit that she’s wrong in areas where she is also c) when her fans just make steve seem like an abuser. honestly the fans of hers have been pissing me off more than anything ngl but yeah i do love her just wish her flaws were more showed in a negative light and wish more people can acknowledge it

[unclewaynemunson]

Time for Wingman Wayne (Ronance Edition™) part 6! | Read pt1 here | ao3 link

'Are you free next Sunday?' Steve asks Robin on Tuesday evening, when they're wrapping up their shared shift at Family Video.

'Yeah, why? Eddie didn't ditch your date plans, did he? Should I be mad at him?'

'No, don't be mad at him!' Steve exclaims. 'Date's still on. We just decided we should make it a double date.'

Robin arches her eyebrows at him. 'Do I need to remind you that I'm very much not dating anyone?'

Steve rolls his eyes in response. 'Yeah, I am aware of that,' he says. 'That's why we invited someone for you.'

'Um... Have you already forgotten how that worked out last time?'

'Yeah, and this time I actually know who we're setting you up with, so this is no doubt gonna be a success! She's really cute.'

Robin hesitates. She feels skeptical about the whole thing, but maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to actually meet someone new, because getting over Nancy hasn't exactly been easy so far and it's getting a little pathetic.

'Okay, yeah, let's do it,' she decides.

'YES!' Steve shouts out, in the same over-excited way he did back when she said yes to being set up with Mr. Munson's mystery match.

'So what's the plan?' she asks.

'Apparently there's this tea garden at the other side of Lover's Lake that opened this spring,' Steve says, and Robin freezes. Oh no. The tea garden. The perfect second date proposed by Nancy right before Robin told her how there was never gonna be a second date. Suddenly, this whole thing seems like an extremely bad idea.

'What's wrong?' Steve asks her, perceptive as always.

She can't tell him. Of course she can't tell him. So she plasters on a fake smile and says, 'Nothing! The tea garden it is. Um, are you sure Eddie is gonna be into that, by the way? Doesn't really sound like his kind of thing.'

Steve snickers. 'It was his idea, actually. He's way more romantic than he seems, you know.' His eyes start lighting up in that adorable yet slightly concerning way which warns Robin that a totally vomit-inducing monologue is gonna come out of his mouth. 'Last night, he –'

And yep, that's her cue to tune the fuck out of whatever story this is going to be.

Instead, she lets her thoughts wander to that stupid tea garden. She had rambled on about it for almost half an hour on Eddie's porch, so either Eddie totally forgot about that or had shamelessly stolen the idea from her without even realizing that a double date right there would be literal torture for her. And honestly, both possibilities are kind of rude of him.

---

Sunday comes around way faster than Robin would have liked and she spends way less time spreading clothes around her room and squinting at herself in the mirror than she did the last time she got ready for a date. It just seems a bit pointless, this time. It's too soon. Fuck, she should've said no to Steve's suggestion when she had the chance. Because now she's going on a date while her heart isn't in it at all, and this girl might be genuinely cool but she won't stand a chance against the perfection that was Nancy Wheeler, and that's actually really unfair towards this new girl that she hasn't even met yet. God, she's probably gonna be super sweet and caring and funny and deserving of so much better than Robin can give her right now. Fuck this. She should probably call Steve and tell him she's ill or something.

But then the doorbell rings, which means Steve is already here to pick her up, and she has no choice but to face the music and go to the goddamn tea garden that's only gonna remind her of the one person she can't have.

She tries her very best to feign excitement when she gets into Steve's car. Luckily, Steve himself is too caught up in his own enthusiasm about their plans to notice Robin's weird mood. He keeps talking her ears off about how cute she's looking and how she'll for sure meet the love of her life this time. She suspects that he still feels guilty about the whole Nancy thing and that's why he's overcompensating, but it's actually just as sweet as it is annoying, so she decides to let it slide this time.

'So are you gonna tell me her name this time?' Robin asks when they stop at Forest Hills and wait for Eddie to get out of his trailer.

'Okay, so I actually do know her name this time, but I'm not gonna tell you,' he tells her, with a weird smile around his lips that tells her she's missing something.

'Oh my God, Steve.' She groans and lets her head fall against the headrest behind her.

'What?'

'You did something. No, don't look at me like that! What did you do?!'

'Nothing!' he exclaims, way too fast.

'Steve,' she says, deadpan. 'It's someone I know, isn't it? Wait, please tell me you're not trying to get me back together with Vickie, that'd be really awkward and I'm not –'

'No, it's not Vickie,' he's quick to interrupt her.

She squints at him, trying to figure out what exactly is going on in his brain. The look on his face is way too guilty.

'Did you set me up with Tammy Thompson?!'

He bursts out into loud laughter, which at least tells Robin that she won't be going on a date with her crush from years ago that Steve's been relentlessly teasing her about ever since he found out about it. That's good news, she supposes, because that would probably have been the single most embarrassing thing to ever happen to her and she might have to move states afterwards.

'What's so funny?' Eddie asks, flopping down on the backseat and pressing a kiss against the skin of Steve's neck.

'Steve won't tell me who you guys are setting me up with,' Robin states, turning around to face Eddie. 'Would you maybe care to fill me in on this little detail of my own love life?'

But Eddie only grins his signatory broad devilish grin while mysteriously wiggling his eyebrows.

'It's a surprise,' he says in a conspiratorial tone, which really doesn't help ease her suspicions in the slightest.

'Don't look at me like that Buckley, I promise you you'll like her, okay?' he says, his eyes suddenly all wide and innocent. 'She has Wayne's stamp of approval. If you don't trust us, can you at least trust uncle Wayne?'

Robin sighs and leans back into the seat while Steve drives them off the trailer park. She tries very hard – and fails, of course – not to think about what happened the last time she got set up with someone who had “Wayne's stamp of approval.”

Pt7

Taglist: @munsonsuccubus @messrs-weasley @shrimply-a-menace @booksandsience @sadcanadianwinter @mightbeasleep @theysherobinbuckley @bisexualdisastersworld

[aloneinthehellfire]

Chapter 7: Devotion

Fortress Of Memories

Word Count: 3943 words

Warnings: swearing, mentions of death, wounds, bruised neck

[A/N: i posted this much later than i was planning but i promise you all that you're gonna like this one :)]

Devotion

August 1985. Byers house.

“Your mom’s right.”

Eddie’s soft voice brought your eyes to his, silent tears threatening your eyes.

After the Battle of Starcourt or, as every unknowing person in this town called it, the ‘mall fire’, your mom had decided it was time to move for good. You knew she had been thinking about it for a while. She hadn’t been as secretive as she thought she was. You had heard her conversations with Hopper as you helped out in the store. You had even noticed the letters addressed from different realtors when searching for your pay slips. So, you had known it was coming.

It didn’t make it any less harder to say goodbye to the people you loved.

“I don’t wanna leave.” You say, your best friend’s grip on your hand tightening as a tear finally slips down your cheek. “I don’t wanna leave you.”

“I don’t want you to leave either.” Eddie admits with a sad smile, wiping away the tear with a feather-light brush of his thumb against your cheek. “But at least one of us has got to get out of this shit hole, huh?”

“The plan was always both of us.” You remind him with a shaky voice and he lowers his head.

You and Eddie became friends in ‘83, situated in the same classes. It wasn’t hard for you both to like eachother; similar styles, similar music tastes. In fact, it was almost like it was meant to be. But you were only friends. Even after your break up with Steve, that didn’t change. But, since then, you and Eddie promised eachother that you’d go through it all together.

Neither of you felt like you belonged in Hawkins. You had friends here, sure. Robin was a close friend, but neither of you really saw eachother outside of school, not until the summer she took a job at Scoops and forced you to visit on your lunch breaks.

Nancy was a friend, too, but you felt like she only tolerated you because of your brothers. Neither of you seemed to have much in common.

Steve… the two of you had reconnected over the summer. It wasn’t the same, but you had been willing to give him a second chance as your friend. You knew he had changed, and for that he deserved to try again.

And then there were the kids. All six of them, including your brother, that you loved to death. You had all been through so much together. But they would be fine without you.

It just left Eddie. You and Eddie. A dynamic duo that held the promise of escaping their suffocating town together after graduation. But he didn’t graduate. So you stayed. You took a job at the mall, helping him study on the weekends, and patiently waited for him.

Not that any of that amounted to anything anymore.

“It’s okay.” Eddie nods, suddenly striking a grin at you despite the dread he was feeling, trying to offer a joke. “I mean, I’d much rather call you in Cali than hear you almost died in a mall fire on the news.”

Your stomach dropped, guilt churning. He didn’t know the truth. In fact, you had somehow managed to keep the Upside Down a secret from him this entire time. And he was none the wiser, trusting your lies and never asking any more questions. It left a bitter taste in your mouth, every time you lied.

“Right.” You sigh, gaze drawn to the sheets of the mattress you currently sat atop. You’d have to pack these soon, along with every memory that made this home.

You could almost feel his smile faltering when your face fell, his body shuffling closer so you were both sat cross-legged, knees touching.

“When do you…” He gulps down something, an unreadable expression on his face.

“October.” You reply quietly, eyes searching his as he nods slowly. “Hey?”

His doe eyes find yours, tightening his lips.

“What’s wrong?” You ask.

Without a word, he gently cups your cheek with his hand, resting his forehead against yours and you take a breath, inhaling the familiar scent of green apples.

“We’ll call.” You assure, bringing your spare hand to rest against his neck, tenderly. “Just like you said. I’ll visit whenever I can.”

“Really?” He questions a little shyly and you furrow your brows. This wasn’t a side to him you had seen very often. And it usually meant he was hiding something.

“Of course.” You insist, pulling back to look at him. “You’re my best friend, Eddie.”

Eddie thinks about this for a moment before raising his head. “I love you.”

You blink.

Of course you had both said it before, especially considering it was true. You loved eachother. But it was the way friends would say it to one another, usually prompted by a tease or a joke. But this time felt very different. Honest, pure. Romantic.

“I had to say it.” Eddie continues when you continue to stare at him, mouth slightly open in shock. “Because you’re leaving soon and- and I know it won’t change anything but I never… I never had the guts just to tell you that I’ve been in love with you for two years now. And I’m sorry if that ruins anything between us, but I would never forgive myself if-”

His confession was broken by the soft feeling of something pressing against his lips. Your lips. As soon as the surprise faded, he lifted your face gently with his hands, deepening the embrace as you wrapped your arms around his neck, trying to pull him impossibly closer.

When you finally break away, much to Eddie’s dismay from the lack of electric on his mouth, there’s a sweet smile etched onto your reddened lips, a glint in your eyes.

“I love you too.” You gently rub your thumb against the back of his neck as he breaks into his infamous grin, dimples in his cheeks.

“Yeah?” Eddie can’t help the laugh escaping his lips at the sight of his dream coming true.

“Yeah.” You nod, biting your bottom lip, yet it was impossible not to laugh giddily.

Even if you were leaving, even if you wouldn’t get to hold him every single day, you knew it was forever. Because you were soulmates. And no matter where you were, or how far apart you had been driven, you’d always feel that strong connection, pulling you towards eachother.

That’s just what love felt like.

Present Day. Randolph Road. Upside Down.

-Nancy, Y/n

You both stare down at Eddie, his eyes closed, a steady breath lifting his chest.

It had been a surprise attack on all accounts, from the sudden need to fight and the boy that had jumped out in front of you. Not to mention his persistent efforts to try and kill Nancy. You both knew Vecna had something to do with it.

“We can’t carry him.” Nancy says softly and your face falls.

The longing in your eyes didn’t go unnoticed to her. In reality, she would have felt the same if it had been Jonathan possessed by the monster. But neither of you were in the state to bring him with you. It wasn’t like he would willingly join you if he were conscious.

“I can’t just leave him here, Nance.” You sigh, rubbing your neck slightly. It was sore to the touch, bruises left from his firm grip. He wouldn’t have killed you, that’s for sure. But the Eddie you knew wouldn’t have ever laid his hands on you like that.

“I don’t want to either, believe me.” Nancy assures, glancing down at the boy, peacefully asleep. Well, as peaceful as you can be with a demon in your head. “He’s okay. When he wakes up he’ll probably chase after us again, right? And hopefully by then we’ll be with the others and we can all try to get him back. But it’s too dangerous right now, Y/n.”

“I know.” You crouch beside him, tenderly brushing your fingers across his cheek. “It just sucks.���

She places a comforting arm around you when you stand again, resting her head against yours as you take a breath. You quickly wipe a tear from your cheek, cool metal pressing into your skin. You stare at it.

As Nancy points to his spear on the ground, you nod and she picks it up, testing the weight. Eddie wouldn’t be defenceless. Not with his strength and speed. Not since Vecna’s control kept the creatures away.

Nancy was right. Your best option was to continue to the Creel House and find your friends, regardless of your feelings. You had thought you could reach him, pull him out of the swarming darkness caused in Vecna’s reign. But the pain prickling your neck told you otherwise.

While your friend tries to slip the spear into a safe hold of her backpack, you place your hand in Eddie’s, closing your eyes.

“Please remember me.” You beg quietly, before folding his fingers into his palm and continuing the path down.

Present day. The trailer park. Upside Down.

- Will, Mike, El, Dustin, Lucas, Jonathan, Robin, Steve, Argyle

The trailer park was hauntingly familiar to everyone, memories of last year flashing before their very eyes as they did their best to avoid the centre of the trauma.

Whilst they had taken to the woods towards the Creel House, they had heard something lurking in the thick expanse of trees, the snaps of twigs shuddering their bones. Rather than continue, they decided to take the long way around, approach the house from a point they could see. It added time onto their venture, but it seemed to be worth it when everyone was in desperate need of a rest.

The first sign was Mike’s wobbling legs, his grip on Lucas’ shoulder tight as he attempted to bite the pain away. But the medicine was wearing off, and it wouldn’t be too soon until his wounds reacted.

“We should rest.” Lucas suggests with a frown, eyes on Mike.

Everyone turned to look, watching as he hooked his arm under Mike to keep him balanced.

“Why would we-” Steve started, breath hitching when he sees Mike’s ghostly pale face, “Shit, yeah. Uh… Rob?”

“Yeah?” Her eyes were wide as she turned to him.

“We need to find a shelter.” He says knowingly and Robin quickly nods, gesturing for Jonathan to follow her.

The moments it took for Robin and Jonathan to return consisted of a tense silence and a fearful anxiety. No one was sure what about exactly. Whether it was the Upside Down, the plan to kill Vecna, the tension of keeping secrets, the fact Nancy was still missing, or Mike’s battle with a gnarly wound… their mission had fallen off the rails completely.

They ended up in a familiar old trailer, the inside mostly free from vines that could alert their presence at any moment. Lucas tries not to focus on the fact that it all felt wrong. Because the Upside Down was frozen in time, and Max hadn’t even existed in his life yet.

Steve stood guard at the front entrance, Jonathan taking the back after a quick exchange of nods. Robin, Dustin, Argyle, and El sat against a wall, El’s head resting gently on Dustin’s shoulder as she closed her eyes.

Meanwhile, Will was struggling to open the paracetamol bottle, his hands shaking with every moment, eyes flickering to Mike’s pained expression. He could tell his friend was trying his best not to make a commotion, hiding his winces with the raise of an arm, burying his face into his jacket.

He hated it. Mike was never meant to get hurt. None of them were meant to get hurt. And the worst part, the excruciatingly terrifying stress of it, was the fear of losing Mike. Will honestly had no idea if he would make it, and that hurt.

There’s a gentle tug on the bottle and Will raises his head, eyes glittering with tears as Lucas offers a smile.

With a quick and sniffled nod, Will shuffles away and drifts over to Jonathan, resting against the wall and peering out of the back door with his older brother. Jonathan didn’t speak a word. Instead, he put an arm around his shoulder and held him.

“Here.” Lucas holds out the painkillers and a bottle of water. He shook the container a little to tempt his friend.

The fading volume of water was becoming more and more startling by the day. They had packed just enough to get to Vecna, kill him, then be out of the Upside Down in two days, tops. But with all the extra running, side-tracking, and countdowns on their lives, the water supply was starting to run short.

But Lucas didn’t need to care about that right now. Mike needed it.

“Thanks.” Mike says groggily after swallowing the pills, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

Lucas watches as Mike tenderly brushes against the bandage on his right eye, fingertips travelling from where the white met his nose, all the way back to the tip of his ear. Judging by Mike’s saddened frown, Lucas knew he was worrying about what it meant. Would he still be able to see? What about his hearing? How would the scar change his face?

“I’m so sorry.” Lucas whispers, earning a confused stare.

“Huh?”

“For everything.” Lucas sighs, slipping down the wall to sit beside his friend, pulling off the sweat band around his head. “For what I said. I just want you to know that I didn’t mean any of it.”

“I know-”

“No,” Lucas shakes his head. He needed to say this. “It- it wasn’t cool. At all. No one asked you to come down here and risk your life. And I don’t care why you’re here because it should just be enough that you’re here. I can’t imagine doing this without you, Mike. I… I just hate that… you almost…”

“I want to be here.” Mike says, much more confidence in his voice that he’s had for a while. “The party sticks together. Especially when one of their members needs our help.”

Lucas contemplates this for a while, a small smile on his lips. Rules they had made long ago, confirming and validating their friendship group. It had all seemed too important long ago, somehow losing sight of it the older they got. Now, it was the most valuable thing for them.

Mike didn’t expect Lucas to hold his hand out to him, staring at his palm with uncertainty.

“I drew first blood.” Lucas says simply and Mike softens to a smile.

He shakes his hand before pulling him in to a hug.

Dustin smiles at his friends. After all they had been through, everything seemed to come back to the start.

The movement beside him, lifting a small weight from his shoulder, caught his attention. He watched as El offered a quick smile before standing and walking away, leaving him sat with Argyle against the wall.

“That’s beautiful, man.” Argyle speaks up and Dustin turns to him with an amused brow, the guy’s gaze set on Mike and Lucas making up. “Friendship always wins.”

“Yeah.” Dustin breathes out, nodding. He notices Argyle frowning at him. “What?”

“Nothing.” Argyle shrugs, fiddling with the rock in his hand. “Just thinking about how I would feel if me and Rocky fell out over something silly.”

Dustin stares at him. “Rocky is a rock.”

“My rock.” He grins, before sending a knowing glance over to where Steve stood at the door with a solemn look on his face. “Don’t lose your rock, brochacho.”

“What? No. No, he lied. I have nothing to say to him.” Dustin folded his arms in defence, trying not to look at Steve.

“Alright.” Argyle seems unbothered, fishing out what Dustin assumed to be a joint from his pocket, “Just don’t wanna be fighting with anyone when we’re taking down the real villain.”

And with that, Argyle sits back and pretends like everything is fine. Truthfully, Argyle was just as afraid as everyone else. The hits of weed had calmed his nerves, but it didn’t rid him of the constant fear in the back of his mind. He was here for his friends, for Jonathan. And he didn’t want to admit it, but he was here because he had no where else to go.

Further into the trailer, El had wondered into a room she would assume Max would occupy in a few years time, imagining the magazines and skateboards scattered around. She had loved their first sleepover in Max’s old room, the feeling of security despite the unnerving nature of Billy and Heather’s behaviour. Max had showed her how to be herself. Much like you had.

Her eyes are closed, silently breathing in steady breaths. This wasn’t the first time she had done this.

The soft ripples of water beneath her feet reminded her of the first time she tried searching for you after you were claimed dead. She had found nothing, of course, shattering her heart all over again. But she never stopped trying.

She takes another step before lowering her head, shoulders slumping. Maybe the others were wrong. Maybe One was messing with their heads.

i’m fine, nance

El’s head whips up, searching the space. That was your voice.

seriously, it doesn’t even hurt

Her eyes finally land on an object in the distance, too far for her to be sure. She set off in a run, getting closer and closer to the figure, her breath hitching.

She sees you, walking with your head hung low, a tight grip on the weapon in your hand. She can tell you’re with someone, but they don’t show. Nance, you had said. Did that mean Nancy was with you?

Then, she notices the bruises on your neck, her eyes widening. You had been attacked.

She tries to expand the scenery, searching for clues of your location. But then there’s an ear-piercing sound, cutting her off.

A flash of One’s burned face.

She gasps, eyes flying open, trying to control her breathing.

“What happened to the nosebleeds?”

She turns to her left to see that Will had found her at some point, patiently waiting for her to return. His face bore worry, a hand reaching to brush her arm.

“They disappeared.” El replies simply. She couldn’t help automatically wiping her top lip, despite the lack of a wet substance.

Truthfully, she didn’t know why. Over time, her nosebleeds had just faded. She no longer felt the warm trickle of red after using her power. And she hoped it was because she was stronger now.

“What did you see?” Will asks after a while with a soft frown.

“I think I saw Y/n.” She sighs, feeling his hand tense up below her shoulder.

“And?” He prompts, moving to face her with widened eyes. He tried not to be too eager, but it was his older sister she was talking about.

“One blocked me.” El practically whispers, watching his face contort into fear.

“What does that mean?”

“He wants her to himself.” She explains with a pained expression.

Of all the people he could have controlled, he had to pick you. You had looked after her, much like you did with everyone else, but it was different. Because you didn’t treat her different.

When everyone was afraid of her powers, you had stood by her and shown her how to control her anger, to assess situations before acting. When she had accidentally hurt Lucas, you were the first to ensure it wasn’t her fault, that she was confused.

And when El lost Hopper, you made sure to fill that void and be the best big sister imaginable.

December 1985. New Byers house.

“Hey, mom’s making dinner.” You poke your head around El’s door, widening the three inch gap the girl had left every night since arriving.

“Okay.” El replies quietly. After a moment of silence, she glances up to see you were in her room now with a small smile.

“You okay?” You ask, sitting on the edge of her bed as she colours something on her desk.

“Yes.” She says, but her voice wasn’t obeying her attempt at faking it.

“I miss him too.” You say after a while and she finally turns to meet your eyes. “He was amazing. And I know he’d be so proud of you right now.”

“Do you think so?” El’s voice wobbled and she moved from her chair to sit beside you, allowing you to grasp her hand.

“I know it.” You smile, “And I know he wanted you to have a normal life, too. And I am really glad you’re here.”

“Why?” She questions, resting her head on your shoulder and you gently stroke her hair with your other hand.

“Because there are too many boys in this house.” You sigh and she giggles. “And I always wanted a sister.”

“Me too.” El smiled, bringing her head up before glancing to the door. “What are we eating?”

“Well,” You purse your lips, “Mom’s cooking so… we’ll probably order pizza soon.”

She can’t help the grin on her face as you grimaced just before Joyce shouts up the stairs.

“Hey, kids, how do we feel about pizza?”

You both go silent, slowly turning to eachother before erupting into a fit of laughter, falling back onto the bed while clutching your stomachs.

Present day. Randolph Lane. Upside Down.

- Eddie

Once he groans awake, breathing out into the spotted air, he realises he had failed.

And you were nowhere to be found.

Eddie sits up, moving his hand to grab his shield that lay not far from him, noticing his spear had disappeared. You must have taken it for the other girl.

Then he feels it, something cold and defined in his hand.

Slowly opening his palm, he frowns at the object, glinting blue in his hand.

Why was he holding a ring?

It was a little muddy, the shine on the silver coated with dust. It wasn’t one he had worn, nothing like the rings on his left hand. But the small blue in the centre stared back at him.

It was definitely familiar.

But why did he have it?

It was impossible, for one. Considering the rings on his left hand were the only ones he had worn since giving you the other-

You had taken the ring, slipping it onto your right hand and admiring it with a small smile, a laugh on your lips as he just stared in awe.

It was just a favour, you fiddling around with his rings as you led with your back to his chest before asking to try the blue silver on. He couldn’t say no to you, chuckling as you try it on every finger before settling on mirroring his own preferred way, holding it up to admire.

But he was too busy admiring you, his best friend. The girl he was madly in love with. He insisted you keep the ring after that.

Stumbling back, Eddie breaks out of the memory with a harsh gasp, hand over his heart as he clutched onto the ring tightly. During all of his commands and obedience, there had always been one thing holding him back from submitting to the darkness completely, one thing that was trying to trigger his memory. One person that he thought he’d never see again.

“Y/n.” He breathes out into the dark, a rush of emotions striking his chest.

He remembered.

He remembered it all.

[i'm trying to fix the taglist so if it isn't working then i apologise so much, idk what's happening but it won't let me tag certain people - i'll highlight in red the ones that dont tag]

taglist: @h-ness1944 . @ali-in-w0nderland . @dylanmunson . @silky-luxe . @mothmanatemycat . @sattlersquarry . @sadbitchfangirl . @fangirling-4-ever . @averagestudent03 . @gnnnne . @munsonology . @vintagehellfire . @bokuto-kinnie . @crissicat13 . @katie-tibo . @harrys-tittie . @the-world-is-a-mess-and-so-am-i . @lxvesickreality . @fracturedarkness . @frogers . @we-out-here-simping . @h0peless-r0m4ntic888

[scarlyrubies]

One thing that always bugs me is the whole “but if byler's canon, Eleven would be so heartbroken” argument. Mainly because of these three things:

- believe it or not but practically EVERYONE in their life experience break-ups. It hurts a lot most of the time sure, but it’s a common human experience, and it’s one that you eventually get over with. People grow from it, people learn from it, people look back on it, people cry about it… But at one point, it’s what it is. A break-up. Usually not something traumatizing people ‘til the day they die. (I wrote this whole paragraph having never experienced a break-up but uhmmm let’s pretend I’m an expert shall we?) I seriously doubt El will forever be hurt and heartbroken because of it. She’ll grow as an independent person and learn more and more about life everyday, and I think she’ll be happy with that. (*cough cough* let’s not also mention the fact that she’ll probably be the one to initiate the break-up in the first place…)

- okay but…milkvan staying together hurts Will? Will is heartbroken already. No matter the situation, it hurts one of them. So why not opt for the situation that eventually winds up to be the less hurtful, most beautiful and narratively coherent, for every character involved?

- it’s odd because I’ve never seen that said about jopper back in season 2. Let’s forget for a second about Bob dying, therefore Bob not being affected by jopper ending up together. Even during season 2, before seeing Bob’s death, a lot of viewers, while they liked Bob, were still rooting for Hopper. (MAKES SENSE, THE NARRATIVE WAS BUILT TO MAKE US ROOT FOR HIM, JUST LIKE WITH BYLER) Bob didn’t stop them from shipping jopper, the ship has good chemistry, history and is built on understanding and shared experiences (upside down), why not ship it? season 1, same thing about jancy. After the finale, everyone was rooting for jancy endgame, even if Steve seemed like a new improved guy by then. IT MAKES SENSE, THE NARRATIVE WAS BUILT FOR JANCY OVER ST*NCY, AT LEAST IN THE FIRST SEASONS. Season 2 was different since the GA sympathized more with Steve as he was becoming a genuinely good person and was faced with Nancy not reciprocating his love. Yet, even though people felt “bad”, most of them still shipped jancy. It wasn’t because they were sad for Steve that they wanted Nancy to stay in a relationship with him, they knew that they didn’t work and that jancy had way more build-up and chemistry anyway. It was probably exactly because they felt bad for Steve and liked him more and more as a character that they didn’t want him with Nancy! They wanted someone to like/love Steve for who he was and everything. Shouldn’t it be the same with milkvan? El deserves better, whether it’s by being single or, in a functional loving relationship. And Mike, Mike should end up with the one the story has been reminding us over and over again is the better choice for him (and the one he actually loves). Weird how byler is treated differently than the previously mentioned ships, that "boohoo they can't end up together because, poor El!"

Anyway, very sorry about the rant, I just got mad because I've been seeing that everywhere recently and I really needed to talk about it! This is in no way me minimizing the pain El could feel, I simply don't believe that she would be completely heartbroken about it. She seems pretty ready to give up her relationship with Mike as a whole at the end of season 4. I think in season 5 she'll be more focused on her best friend who's literally in a coma and the fact that she has to save the world... Not her teenage boyfriend ending up together with the boy he loves.

[you-were-alone-too]

oh and don’t think i’ve forgotten about the way they tried to retcon steve still being in love with nancy in s4 and regressing his character

[asbealthgn]

(sorry about the last one! but not that sorry. this builds on it so read that part first!)

Spring 1986

Just once, Steve would like to go twelve months without the world falling apart. Just 365 days without some fresh new hell opening up. That doesn’t seem like so much to ask, but apparently, life has other ideas.

He’s currently curled up on a chair in the Wheeler’s basement for the second night in a row. In the past seventy-two hours, he’s been threatened with a broken bottle to his neck, found out about two murders at the hands of some unknown dark wizard from the Upside Down, and almost watched Max get taken herself. And it’s still ongoing.

Everyone else is asleep except for Robin, who has the first shift watching over Max. Steve can see her through the dark, sitting with her back against the couch by Max’s feet. Robin’s fingers are drumming silently along her knees, tapping out a frantic rhythm. Steve knows he should be trying to sleep, because he has the next shift in two hours, but he can’t. Not when his mind is miles away in a boathouse on Lover’s Lake.

Eddie is alone over there.

He must be terrified. He was only thrust into this other world a few days ago when he watched a girl die right in front of him. If Steve can’t stop picturing Max lifting into the air while they waited helplessly below, he can only imagine how horrific the afterimages of Vecna’s curse being carried out to completion must be. Eddie was a babbling mess when they found him, and it can’t have possibly gotten easier being stuck in that boathouse by himself the last couple of nights. That has to be the worst part, the being alone. Whenever Steve has been recovering from his brushes with the Upside Down, he’s never truly been alone; there have always been friends to turn to, even if he’s not always the best at doing so. There’s still a world to escape to, places he can go to feel normal again. But Eddie has no one, confined to a small box while police and pissed off jocks hunt for his blood.

Steve doesn’t want Eddie to be alone. He has no idea if Eddie would even want to see him considering how they left things, but Eddie deserves to have someone by his side right now. So Steve lowers his feet off the chair and leans over to tap Robin’s shoulder. She starts and looks at him. 

“What’s wrong?” she whispers.

“Nothing,” Steve says, “Everything’s fine. Just—I’m heading out for a bit.”

She angles to face him more fully. “What?” she asks, “You can’t leave.”

“It’s just for a little while,” he assures her, “I’ll be back by the time I need to watch Max.”

“Steve—”

“It’s important, okay?”

“Steve, no offense,” Robin hisses, scooting closer and grabbing his ankle. “But there is nothing in the world that could be more important than sticking together right now.”

Sighing, Steve lowers himself off the chair and sits on the ground next to her. He wanted to avoid this, but it looks like it’s the only way. Maybe it’ll feel good to tell her. He leans close to her to whisper as softly as he can. “You remember last summer, when I told you about that guy I liked?”

She nods. 

He leans even closer, voice almost inaudible. “It’s Eddie.”

It’s too dark to see her expression, but she grabs his hand and squeezes it. “Oh,” she whispers, “I understand.”

“I just want to make sure he’s okay,” he says, “He’s been alone for days.”

There’s a pressure as she leans her head on his shoulder. “Go to him,” she says, “I’ll cover for you if anyone wakes up.”

“I love you, Robin,” he says, turning and kissing her on the forehead. Then he gets to his feet. “Thank you.”

He ascends the stairs as quietly as he can and goes out the front door. Thank God he parked his car at the end of the driveway behind Nancy’s. He pulls away from the house and starts heading for the lake. 

As he drives, he thinks about the last time he saw Eddie five months ago. He still doesn’t understand what happened. He thought things had been going well with Eddie—he thought they really liked each other. Steve knows he should have done more to tell Eddie how he felt. He knows he shouldn’t have deflected every time Eddie tried to have a conversation about what they were. He knows he was scared. But he thought they’d have time. Instead he’d shown up that day and Eddie had ended things without telling him why. The only reason Steve can think of is his own cowardice. And he hates himself for not being more ready. Maybe if he had been, he and Eddie would still be together. 

Steve isn’t sure if Eddie will turn him away now. The two times they’ve seen each other since this all started, Eddie acted like they’d never even met. He came rocketing out of that boat brandishing a broken bottle, holding it up to Steve’s throat like he might really slit it. That was the first time Steve had seen him since he’d slammed the door in his face.

Parking outside of Reefer Rick’s place, Steve gets out of his car and makes his way to the boathouse, wondering what his reception will be like. He just hopes Eddie doesn’t send him back. Steve wants to help, wants to be there for Eddie. He hopes Eddie lets him. 

He eases the door to the boathouse open. “Eddie?” he calls softly.

There’s no answer. It occurs to him that Eddie may be sleeping. If so, he doesn’t want to disturb him. Steve moves quietly inside, shutting the door behind him. He looks around, but doesn’t see Eddie. He wouldn’t have left, would he? Or maybe he was found, either by the police or by Jason and his cronies. 

Steve moves through the boathouse with more purpose, trying to hold off the panic threatening to bubble up. “Eddie,” he calls again, not daring to raise his voice for fear of alerting the neighbors. 

Again, there’s no answer, but he hears the faintest shuffling from the boat. Relieved, Steve crosses to it and pulls the tarp back. Eddie is lying on his back, staring up at Steve with those big eyes. 

“Why are you here, Harrington?” he asks.

“I came to check on you,” Steve says.

Eddie looks away from him. “Great, well, you’ve checked on me,” he says, “You can go now.” He reaches for the end of the tarp and starts to pull it back over himself, but Steve grabs it before he can.

“Hey,” he says, “You’ve been alone for days, and you’ve seen some shit. You—” Steve digs in his jacket pocket and produces a pack of cigarettes. “Do you want one?”

For a long moment, Eddie just stares at the offered cigarette, not moving. Then with a small sigh, he sits up and climbs out of the boat to take it. Steve holds out his lighter, but Eddie gets his own out of his pocket. He pushes past Steve and sits on the bench along the wall. After a moment, Steve sits next to him. Eddie won’t look at him. 

This is going great so far. 

“Do you want to talk about it at all?” Steve asks. 

Eddie shrugs. “I’ve already said all there is to say.”

“Alright.”

True to his word, Eddie is silent. Steve listens to the quiet breathing of the man next to him, the long inhales as he takes a drag. He listens to his own heartbeat, loud and persistent. 

“How—” Eddie begins. Steve looks over at him and sees Eddie’s hand covering his face. “How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“This. Handle this shit. I—I feel like I’m losing my fucking mind.”

Steve angles his body, knees almost touching Eddie’s. “Well, you’ve seen me,” he says, “You’ve held my hand through enough panic attacks to know I don’t exactly handle it.”

Eddie drops his hand and looks at Steve, expression pained. Steve holds his hand out. Eddie doesn’t take it. Instead he folds his arms around himself, angling away from Steve. Steve retracts his hand.

“I’m fine,” Eddie says, “Still don’t know why you bothered to come.”

“Because I didn’t want you to be alone,” Steve says, “Because I care about you.”

That earns him a huff of air, an annoyed exhale. “Yeah, whatever.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Steve asks. “You don’t think I care?”

Eddie takes a long drag of the cigarette. “Why should I think you do?”

Steve stands abruptly. This isn’t getting him anywhere. He wanted to be helpful, but he’s not going to stick around if Eddie’s just going to be a dick. “Alright,” he says, “I’ll go. I need to take over watching Max for Robin, anyway.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want to keep Robin waiting,” Eddie says drily. 

Hands on his hips, Steve turns to stand right in front of Eddie. “What, you have a problem with Robin now too?”

“Why would I have a problem with her?” Eddie asks, shrugging. “Everyone loves your girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

Eddie raises the cigarette to his lips again. “You expect me to believe that?”

“Well, yeah, considering it’s the truth,” Steve says, “We’re just friends.”

“But you’re clearly sleeping together.”

“Absolutely not, man,” Steve says, “Why the fuck would you think that?”

Brow furrowed, Eddie waves the cigarette vaguely. “You’re so…close,” he says.

“Yeah, she’s my best friend,” Steve says, crossing his arms. “And we survived Russian torture together, so yeah. We’re gonna be close.”

“You survived—what?”

“Not the point. The point is Robin and I are not together. Never have been, never will be.”

Eddie is staring up at him, mouth slightly open. Steve can’t quite read his expression. “You…” Eddie says. “You’re not?”

“No, definitely not,” Steve says. “Is that why you’re so mad at me?”

Eddie stubs out the cigarette and drops it, then runs his hands over his face. “I saw you,” he says, voice muffled. “In October, I saw you at the diner in town all cuddled up with her. I thought she was your girlfriend.”

“You thought—but, Eddie, I was with you.”

Still hiding behind his hands, Eddie shakes his head slightly. “I thought she was your girlfriend and that you were fooling around with me behind her back.”

Steve is frozen to the spot. This is why Eddie ended things? Not because Steve wasn’t ready to label things but because Eddie thought he was a cheater? 

“I wouldn’t do that,” Steve says, his voice coming out angrier than he expected. “And it sucks that you think I would.”

He turns and takes a step towards the door, but he’s held back by a hand on his wrist. “Wait, Steve,” Eddie says. He stands and moves around to face Steve. “I—I really thought—”

“I’m not that kind of person,” Steve says. He’s not. Even in his King Steve days, he never kept multiple girls on the line. When he loves, he’s all in. He’s not a fucking cheater.

Eddie puts his hands on Steve’s arms like he’s trying to keep him from running away. “I’m so sorry I thought that,” he says, “I just—I didn’t understand why you would be holding her like that. I mean, how was I supposed to know what your relationship was like? It’s not like you ever introduced me to any of your friends.”

That feels like a slap in the face. “You could have asked.”

Shaking his head slightly, Eddie goes on. “Sorry, no, I shouldn’t be trying to blame you, I—” He pinches his eyes shut. “It really didn’t make any sense. I didn’t understand why you were with me. You with me. It doesn’t—I mean, look at me.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re—Steve Harrington. The golden boy,” Eddie says, opening his eyes. “And I’m a freak.”

“No you’re not,” Steve says.

“I am,” Eddie says, “You know I am.”

“Okay, well, I really fucking liked you,” Steve says, “Whatever you are. I don’t care if you have, like, unconventional interests. I really wanted to be with you.”

Eddie looks like he might cry. “I wanted that too,” he whispers.

“I wish you had talked to me,” Steve says, voice gentler. “I wish you’d told me what you thought you saw so I could have explained then.”

Eddie closes his eyes. “I thought I already had my answer,” he says, “I thought you—I mean, I tried to talk to you, about what we were. And you always avoided it.”

“I’m sorry,” Steve says. Tentatively, he lifts a hand to Eddie’s hair and Eddie leans in ever so slightly to the touch. “I should have told you how I felt about you. But I was scared. I mean, I’ve never liked a boy until you. It’s been—terrifying.”

“I understand,” Eddie says, opening his eyes. “And I’m sorry. Maybe we both kind of suck at talking.”

Steve smiles slightly. “Yeah, maybe.”

“Do you think we could, uh, start over?” Eddie asks, “Pretend all of that never happened and just go from here?”

“I’d like that,” Steve says. He puts his arms around Eddie, burying his face in the other man’s shoulder and they stand like that for a while, clinging to each other. He knows they’ll need to talk more, work out the issues that led them to this place and figure out where they’re going from here. But for now, he’s happy to just be touching Eddie.

“Hey, Steve?” Eddie asks, gripping him a little tighter. “Will you stay for a little while?”

Steve runs a hand through Eddie’s hair. “Of course I will.”

Eddie takes his hand and leads him over to the boat, climbing back in. They lay side by side on the bottom, tucked close together. It’s not even remotely comfortable, but Steve doesn’t really care. All that matters is that he’s holding onto Eddie and Eddie is holding him back.

“When do you have to leave?” Eddie asks, face against Steve’s shoulder. Steve checks his watch.

“In about an hour.”

“And why—you said you’re watching Max?” Eddie says. “Why does she need watching?”

“Oh,” Steve says. He sort of forgot that Eddie doesn’t know. “Vecna almost got her.”

“Holy shit,” Eddie says, tilting his face to look at Steve. “Is she okay?”

Steve shrugs. “I think so. No broken bones or anything,” he says, “But she’s definitely freaked out. We all are.”

Shifting a little, Eddie frowns. “How did she survive?”

As quickly and coherently as he can, Steve explains the discovery that Robin and Nancy made about music and Max’s description of what she saw. He stumbles over the explanation, since he’s not sure he completely grasps it. He wishes Dustin was here to describe it better. But Eddie nods along like he gets it.

“Music is powerful shit, man,” he whispers.

Steve nods. “Yeah, it saved her life,” he says, “We have her listening to the song on loop, and somebody staying awake to keep an eye on her in case she starts lifting again.”

He feels Eddie tense slightly, probably remembering Chrissy. “I’m sorry you had to see that,” he says. 

“It was fucking terrifying,” Steve says, “I’m so sorry you had to go through it alone.”

Eddie tucks his face back against Steve’s neck, not saying anything. For a long time, they just hold each other. As terrible as the circumstances are, there is something oddly comforting about being in this boat with Eddie, bonded by their shared history and this new misery. 

“You can sleep, if you want,” Eddie whispers eventually. “I’ll wake you up when you need to leave.”

“No, that’s okay,” Steve says, “You should sleep.”

“I’m not tired,” Eddie says, “I slept all day when it was light out. I can’t seem to fall asleep in the dark.”

Steve knows that feeling exactly. He’s gone through it enough times to know how much worse the darkness makes the nightmares. Now though, he’s so exhausted from the day that all he wants is to sleep. “Are you sure?” he asks.

“Sleep, baby,” Eddie murmurs, and Steve could cry from the return of that name. “I’ll wake you up.”

(part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)

taglist: @adashofaroace @spectrum-spectre @girlwhoknewtheoriginoflove @cupc8keblonde @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @leeahpuppet  @bidisastersworld @axltheedaddy @crushed-like-an-ant @whimsicalwitchm @hollysimone @awolfnamedaliac @gay-little-bitch @duckyreads @nelotegreitic @henderdads @iamsotiredman @thegingervulcan @mezmatch @stranger-poets-society @official-insanity-c @briceslayed @ohwelsh @lonestarcowpoke @lycriza @bejeweledbaby @a-huge-nerdy-nerd @cnfsd-bisexual @cheeseaddict-12 @wrenisflying @swimmingbirdrunningrock @sadcanadianwinter @ash-a-confused-enby @grtwdsmwhr @edgelordesworld @vecnuthy @lightwoodbanethings @soulminyg @notbatman00 @steve-the-hairrington @lizisodd @artiststarme @queerbeansworld @thegingerrapunzel @ceaselessly-watching @best-selling-show @idkwwhatimmdoiing @ashlynjessi @yes-im-your-mom @steddie-there @thefailcollection @samcoxramblings @beeing-stuupid

lmk if you want to be tagged! as a side note, i also started posting this fic on ao3. there will be more than what’s in these snippets so check it out if you’re interested :)

[leossmoonn]

Girl Crush 2

part 1 | masterlist

pairing robin buckley x fem!reader, steve harrington x fem!reader

note - pls read part one before you read this one ! :)

type - angst, fluff

summary - while dating steve, you develop a crush on robin

warnings / includes - language, steamy make out session, fighting, cheating, very messy 😭

————

*gif isn’t mine*

You slam the door shut, holding your face in your hands while you pace back and forth. “Shit, shit, shit.”

Robin nervously chews her lip, fiddling with the belt loops of her jeans. “T-This was an accident, right? I mean, we were caught in the moment.”

A waterfall of tears stream down your face. You put your back against the wall and slide down, curling up in a ball. “I’m so fucking stupid. God, I’m such a horrible girlfriend. I’m a horrible person.”

Robin sits down across from you, putting her hand on your knee. “You’re not a horrible person, Y/n.”

You look at up at her, your eyes already bloodshot. “I am, Robin. I just hurt Steve. This is the second time he has been hurt by a girlfriend. I swore to him that o would be better than Nancy, but I’m actually worse. I kissed his best friend. I-I ruined everything. I-It’s all my fault,” you sob.

Robin sighs, debating on what to say. Seeing you break down like this breaks her heart and leaves her a little speechless. You’re always so put together. In the couple of years she’s known you, she has never once seen you cry. But now that she has, she wants to do everything in her power to stop it.

“So what, you kissed me?” Robin asks. “Doesn’t mean anything. Especially since you’ve never been with a girl before, right?”

You hiccup and shake your head. “That doesn’t excuse anything.”

“If you just explain to Steve that it was a mistake and you didn’t like it, then —”

“Robin,” you say, your voice suddenly low and unwavering. You look her in the eyes and sit up. “Do you really think I “got caught up in the moment” and that I didn’t like it?”

Robin looks away, biting her lip anxiously. “N-No. But I don’t want to mess up your relationship.”

“The only person who messed up my relationship was me. You did nothing. You were… perfect.”

“Still, I feel bad,” she mumbles. “I’m sorry for doing this to you and Steve. To you and I,” you say.

Robin chuckles a little, shyly glancing at you. “Are you kidding? That kiss was the highlight of my life. If you weren’t dating Steve, I would have asked you out.”

You give her a watery smile. “The kiss was amazing for me, too.” Your smile diminishes as you continue speaking. “But… I can’t focus on that. I have to figure out a way to make this right with Steve. If he hates me forever, then fine. That’s fine because I deserve that. But I need him to know that I loved him so much and that everything I did and everything I said to him wasn’t a lie.”

“He’ll know, Y/n. Hell, he already knows. You have no idea how much he talks about you at Family Video. And he’s not only saying how pretty you are. He’s always saying how much of a good girlfriend you are, how thoughtful you are, how loving, supportive, funny you are.”

“Oh, Robin,” you sniffle, another cycle of waterworks flooding. “H-He says all of that?”

She nods with a little smile. “Every damn day.”

Your heart breaks more. “That makes me feel even more terrible.”

“No! I’m so sorry. I-I thought it was going to be nice to hear,” Robin apologizes. “I didn’t mean to make you cry again. I’m so sorry.”

“I-It’s okay,” you take a deep breath. “Just makes me realize how great of a boyfriend he is.”

“I hate to admit it, but he is. It makes me really jealous, actually,” Robin chuckles. “You’ll find someone Robin. It’s so much easier to find someone out of high school. I just got lucky,” you say.

She shakes her head. “No, it’s not like that. He makes me jealous because he makes me want you more.”

Your eyes widen and a little “oh” leaves your lips.

“Yeah,” she sighs. “But it doesn’t matter.”

You frown and offer a comforting hand on her arm. “Robin, it does matter. I —”

You two are interrupted when the door opens. Your heart races as you see Steve looking down at you two.

“Hey, what’re you guys doing?” he asks. You panic and look at Robin. You open your mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. You feel like you’re about to throw up.

Robbin’s eyes slowly look away from you and to Steve. “She got her period,” she blurts.

Steve raises his brows. “O-Okay. Are you… in pain?”

“No. She was just really upset because she wanted you two to have sex tonight, but obviously, you guys can’t, and she feels bad. And you know, periods make us gals insane and really weepy, so…” Robin trails off.

You’re surprised by how fast Robin made up that cover story, but there’s no room for you to tell the truth.

“Oh, baby,” Steve chuckles. He sits down on the floor next to you and puts his arm over your shoulder. “Don’t worry about that. We can spend the night cuddling and watching movies and eating so much ice cream we explode.”

You can’t help but laugh at his words. You stare into his eyes, feeling the bridge of your nose burn in attempt to hold back tears.

You realize that no matter what happens, he will always make you happy. He’ll always be that one person that just gets you. The one person who still gives you butterflies past the honeymoon phase. Who makes you feel special, loved, supported, and satisfied with everything in life.

But he won’t be the person who gets to be with you forever. Not after tonight.

“Honey, don’t cry.” he cups your cheek with his hand, wiping away the tears with his thumb. “It’s okay, okay? I’m not mad or sad, so you shouldn’t be. Plus, I use condoms anyways,” he smirks.

You laugh again, your whole face lighting up. Robin stares at you two, guilt overcoming her. She knows the cheating is your fault, but she can’t help but blame herself. She looks at you with Steve and all that’s written on your face is joy. How could Robin be so stupid? You are meant to be with Steve, not her. No matter what exciting, new feelings you may have for anyone else, including Robin.

“I’ll leave you two.” Robin gets up and grabs her belt. You stare at her as she leaves, “I’m sorry” on the tip of your tongue. Your heart sinks as she avoids your gaze, roughly pulling the door open.

“What’s up with her?” Steve asks. “She’s just hungry. She gets hangry,” you lie.

Steve nods. “Me, too. Well, do you want to keep the party going or do you want to just chill out?”

“Doesn’t matter to me. It’s your birthday,” you say.

“But your my girlfriend who generously set this all up,” he smiles. “It’s my job,” you shrug.

Steve put his thumb on your chin and holds your head up to look at him. “I know I don’t say this much, but I am so thankful for you. I’m sorry I don’t remind you enough. I need to do that more.”

“Oh, Steve,” you sigh. “I already know all this. You do more than enough to let me know. It’s okay.”

He shakes his head. “No, it’s not. You’re always saying how great I am, I need you to know how great you are.”

All you can do is smile through the pain. You hug him tightly, burying your face into his neck. You let a few tears shed, squeezing your eyes shut as you enjoy his comforting arms. You don’t know how many times you’ll be able to do this so you promise yourself to cherish whatever time you have left with him.

“I love you so much, Steve,” you whisper. “So, so much.”

“I know you do, baby. I love you so much. You’re the best,” he mumbles into your neck.

“No, you are,” you whisper it like a promise.

He pulls away to kiss you. You want to cry harder, but you keep your composure. You tangle your hand in his hair and push yourself up against him, kissing him so hard you might bruise his lips.

Steve pulls away, a little breathless. He looks into your eyes, noticing they still look a little sad. “Are you sure you’re okay? Did anything else happen?”

Your heart pounds and you can barely swallow. You know you should tell him right now, but it’s still his birthday. You didn’t want to be an even worse girlfriend.

“No, nothing else happened. I just hate my period,” you lie.

He nods, “understandable. Do you need me to get anything for you?”

You shake your head. “No, thank you. Let’s go back to the party.”

“Okay. If you’re done with it, just let me know.”

You nod and stand up, a little wobbly. Steve wraps an arm around you and walks you out. Max and Lucas look at you blankly while Robin is still avoiding your gaze. You shake your head at Max and Lucas while Steve leads you back to the dance floor.

You put your attention back on Steve, smiling at him as he sets his hands on your waist. He looks at you with stars in his eyes, making you melt on the inside. You naturally wrap your arms around his neck, clasping your hands together as you two sway to the beat of the music.

You two spend the rest of the night dancing with the kids, Robin standing in the corner and reading for most of the night.

“Happy birthday, old man!” Dustin smiles at Steve. “Just wait. You’ll be 20 in no time,” Steve smirks.

“Don’t remind me,” Dustin rolls his eyes.

“Bye, guys,” you smile at the kids as they leave. Steve goes over to the snack table for more pretzels, allowing Max and Lucas to come up to you.

“Obviously you didn’t tell him,” Max says. “I wasn’t going to tell him tonight. It’s his birthday,” you scoff.

“How long had this been going on?” Lucas asks. “It was only that one kiss!” you exclaim in a hushed voice.

“Better not be another one. You know how badly Steve was hurt after Nancy,” Max glares at you.

You sigh and nod, putting your hand on your forehead. “Yeah, I know. It won’t happen again. I hate hurting him and I already know I did, even if he doesn’t feel it yet.” You glance at him again. You can’t help but smile as he tries to be a walrus with the pretzels.

“He’s a great guy. He doesn’t deserve this. Especially since you were kissing a girl,” Lucas states.

You glare at them. “I know! Do you think I wanted this to happen? You guys know how much I love Steve. You guys know that he… he’s my one and only. I have our wedding planned out.”

“Then why did you kiss Robin?” Max asks. You slump against the doorframe and state at Robin as she nibbles on a snicker bar. “It’s different with her,” you say truthfully.

“That doesn’t mean it’s better,” Max says. “Yeah, I know,” you frown, lowering your gaze at your shoes.

Max sighs and puts her hand on your shoulder. “We know you love Steve, but you have to decide if you’re in love with him, or if you’re in love with Robin.”

You nod, “yeah. You’re right.”

“Good luck,” Lucas sighs. “Thanks,” you roll your eyes.

“We’ll see you soon,” Max says. She interlocks fingers with Lucas as they walk out of your house.

“Is that the last of the rug rats?” Steve asks. “Yep,” you nod.

“Hey, Robin. Want to watch a movie with us?” Steve suggests.

“Um, no.” Robin shakes her head. “I have to go home. Great party, Y/n. Happy birthday, Steve.”

“Thanks,” Steve says as she walks out. He closes the door and turns to you. “She’s acting more weird than normal.”

You shrug, “I don’t know what’s wrong. Maybe she’ll tell you tomorrow during work.”

Steve nods, “Yeah, maybe.”

Turns out, Robin did tell him what was wrong. She told him the truth, but not the full truth.

“She’s my girlfriend, Robin!” Steve exclaims. “I know, I’m sorry!” Robin sighs.

“And you’re supposed to be my best friend!”

“I know. I said I’m sorry.”

“I know it’s hard to find girls in Hawkins, but that doesn’t give you the right to steal mine,” Steve glares.

“I-I know. You have no idea how terrible I feel! B-But at least I told you, right?” Robin asks.

“Yeah,” Steve scoffs. He sets his hands on his hips and paces around Family Video, realization occurring. “That’s why she was acting so weird.”

“Yeah, she feels so bad, Steve,” Robin nods. “Why didn’t she tell me?” Steve frowns.

“It was your birthday. And plus, I’m the one who made the move,” Robin lies.

Steve nods. “Yeah, makes sense, I guess.”

“I’m so sorry, Steve. I promise it’ll never happen again,” Robin says, looking him dead in the eyes.

Steve searches her eyes, his heart strings being tugged. But he can’t forgive Robin. Not yet. Not when it’s so fresh. “Yeah, I… I need to go see Y/n. I can’t be here right now.”

Robin sighs helplessly. “Please, Steve!”

But he’s already out the door and on his way to you. You’re asleep on the couch when he knocks. The sound jolts you awake and you panic. 

“Y/n, it’s Steve!”

You sigh in relief, but a different type of panic sets in. “Coming!” you shout. You throw your blanket off of you and open the door for him. You gasp as his eyes are red and watery. “W-What happened?”

“Robin told me what happened.”

Your stomach drops to your feet. You suddenly feel nauseous and numb. “W-What did she say?”

“She said how she kissed you and how she’s in love with you,” Steve explains.

Your brows rise. “She said what?”

“Yeah, can you believe it?” he scoffs. He walks into your house and sits down on the couch. “I mean, I understand that it’s hard for her to find someone that’s out and a girl that likes girls. But, she chooses you? My girlfriend. That’s so… disrespectful. Don’t get me wrong, I can see why she likes you. I mean, look at you. You’re stunning, but my girl? I just… I thought she was my best friend.”

You sit down and holds Steve’s forearm. “Steve, she’s still your best friend. I don’t —”

“No,” he shakes his head. “Not after this. You know, if she wanted my help she could have asked me. I could have gotten her a girl, or tried to. But she picked the one person that is unavailable. And you don’t even like girls, so it wasn’t even worth it.”

You open your mouth to speak, but he keeps talking.

“I’m so mad,” he seethes. “And you,” his head snaps to you. Your mind races with what he could say next. You can barely breathe, thinking that he will suddenly turn on you, but he doesn’t. Instead, he says, “You were so kind and thoughtful last night. Not telling me because you thought it would ruin my night. And I mean, it definitely would have, but it just shows even more how you’re the perfect girl.”

“I’m not the perfect girl,” you shake your head. “I let it happen. I didn’t stop… her, and I just let her kiss me. I’m the worst,” your voice breaks as you begin to cry again.

“Baby, you’re not. Maybe you just got caught in the moment, or you were so shocked that you didn’t know what to do. It’s happened to all of us.”

You nod, “yeah. It was definitely one of those things.”

Steve sighs and lays back on the couch, thinking for a few moments. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive her.”

You look at him, sitting up straighter and looking him in the eyes. “Steve, there’s something you should know.”

He gulps visibly. “W-What is it?”

“I…” you look away at your coffee table. “I… I like girls, too.”

Steve’s heart jumps up his throat. “Y-You do.”

“Yeah,” you look back at him. “But that doesn’t mean I like you any less. It just means…”

“You like boobies like I like boobies,” Steve says.

You chuckle softly. “Yeah, you could put it that way.”

“That’s… good to know. Now I have to watch out for both guys and girls,” he jokes.

You feel a little bit hopeful at his reaction. “So, you’re not mad or anything? You don’t love me any less?”

He smiles softly and sits up. He rests one hand on your thigh and reaches the other up to your cheek, stroking your cheekbone with his thumb. “Of course, I’m not mad. Nor do I love you any less. It’s a little surprising, of course, but I don’t see you any differently.”

You cry again, this time in relief. “Oh, thank God. I-I’ve been so worried you would break up with me over this.”

“I never would,” he shakes his head. “And why would I? I’m fine with Robin being gay.”

“Yeah, but people are more offensive to people who like both genders.”

“Well, you chose me out of the billion people in the world, so I’m lucky,” he smiles.

You gaze into his eyes and you can’t help but grin. “I’m so lucky, too.” you rest your forehead against his and press your lips to his. He hums happily, wrapping his arm around your back and pulling you close. His other hand grabs your leg and swings it over his lap. You breathe out as you sit on his lap, open-mouth kissing him and slipping your tongue into his mouth.

His hands slip down your thighs, toying with the drawstring on your sweats. You smile into the kiss as he unites it, gently tugging on the elastic to loosen your pants. As he slips his hands in, a chill goes up your spine. You pull away to look at Steve, shocked to see Robin in his place.

“Hey, baby,” she smiles, her raspy voice enticing you. Her hands move up your body and under your shirt, skimming the underwire of your bra. She takes a handful of your tits in both hands, massaging them over the cups of your bra.

You hum in pleasure, rocking your hips with hers. She begins to kiss your neck, sucking on the spot that makes you whine. You feel her lips curl up into a smile and you smile with her.

“It’s fun, isn’t it?” she asks. “Mmhmm,” you nod, focusing more on how good it feels to have her hands on you.

“It’s fun lying to your boyfriend. It’s fun breaking his heart and causing him to not have a best friend anymore.”

Your smile quickly diminishes and you pull away, confused as to why she’s not there anymore. You look around the room, your heart jumping out of your throat as you see a big grandfather clock. You can’t hear anything else now but its merciless ticking.

You’re frozen in place. You can’t seem to bring yourself to move and run away. You’re so shocked and scared. All you can do is hope that you wake up.

Meanwhile, in reality, Steve is trying to shake you awake. He noticed something was off when you pulled away and smiled at him differently than usual. Now you’re staring into space, not moving, speaking, or even breathing.

“Baby, wake up,” Steve panics. “C’mon, you’re stronger than him. Wake up, please.”

You wake up a couple seconds later, eyes jolting across the room and your chest heaving. Steve sighs in relief, hugging you close to him.

“God, I thought I lost you,” he mutters.

You do nothing but break down in his arms.

“Sshh, baby, it’s okay. You’re safe now,” he rubs your back.

You shake your head. “I-I’m not. I-I’m going to die soon.”

“No, you won’t. Max survived it and you will, too,” Steve says.

You hiccup and pull away to face him. “S-Steve, there’s something I need to tell you.”

He furrows his brows. “Okay, what is it? Is it about something you saw?”

“N-No. It’s about Robin. She —”

“Yo!” Dustin���s voice shouts form the outside. He pounds on your door. “I know you guys are here! I can see your car. Stop having sex! We can’t have Y/n pregnant while Vecna is still out there!”

Steve rolls his eyes and looks back at you. “You can tell me later, yeah?”

“O-Okay,” you swallow harshly.

“Guys! We need to get Eddie food!” Dustin yells.

“Alright, I’m coming!” Steve groans. He gently rolls you off of his lap, giving your forehead a kiss before he opens the door. “Thank you for disturbing half of the neighborhood.”

“The neighborhood loves me!” Dustin grins. “And it took you long enough. Were you two getting dressed or — oh.” Dustin stops as he sees you crying in a ball. “Oh, shit.”

“Yeah, douchebag,” Steve glares at him.

“What’s wrong? Did you make her cry?” Dustin gasps.

“What? No! Of course not! She…” Steve sighs. “She saw Vecna. Or the grandfather clock. Or one of those two.”

Dustin’s brow raise and his jaw drops. “Oh, shit.”

“Yeah,” Steve sighs. “W-Well, we’ve beat him before. I mean, maybe we can get her to listen to her favorite song ahead of time to stop him?” Dustin suggests.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Steve nods.

“Hey, Y/n,” Dustin says softly. He walks over to you, putting his hand on your shoulder. “I have Oreos if you want some. They’re double stuffed.”

You let out a little laugh. You wipe your nose and look up. “I’m good. Thanks, Dusty.”

“You sure?” Steve asks. “You haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

You look off into the distance, not being able to get Robin’s words out of your head. She was so real. You reached out and touched her, you kissed her. But it was really Vecna.

You feel disgusting. Your skin feels dirty and your chest hurts. You shoot up from the couch, not saying anything as you walk to your bathroom, immediately stripping off your clothes and turning on the shower.

Dustin and Steve watch you slam the door in confusion.

“Is she okay?” Dustin asks. Steve rolls his eyes. “She’s seeing Vecna. Do you think she’s okay?”

“It just doesn’t make sense,” Dustin says, sitting down next to Steve. “What could she be guilty about? She’s the most innocent person I know.”

Steve sighs and nods. “I know, that’s what I’m thinking, too. I mean, she just told —” he stops himself, Dustin’s brows raising in question.

“She just told you what?”

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter,” Steve shakes his head.

“Are you sure?” Dustin asks. “It could be important.”

“Trust me, it isn’t,” Steve says. He looks at your bathroom door, trying to rack his brain for what it could be.

You couldn’t be guilty about the kiss with Robin, could you? Robin said it herself that it was her fault. That it was a mistake and that you didn’t even like it.

A horrible thought entered Steve’s mind. What if you did like it?

He erases the thought from his head. Just because you came out to him doesn’t mean that it has anything to do with what happened with Robin. It’s just a coincidence… right?

————

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Part 3

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@rootbeerfaygo @murdockcastleslut @bluebberrypie @milkiane @mitskimybelovedd @munsaniac @sapphic-girl @ariianelle

[every-dayiwakeup]

another 2 songs, first one is a bit short ! “I Want You” by Mitski ✨ and the second one (who knew this was coming) “Daddy Issues” by The Neighbourhood ☺️

Welcome back 🥰

Alright! Another song to add to my playlist (I love Mitski)! Also this became a bit of an AU interpretation so I'm gonna run with it 😏😏) I'm gonna split this into two posts, but I'll tag you in the other one ofc ❤️

The first part of my interpretation is:

*an AU where Steve, Nancy, Robin, Dustin, and Eddie return to the Upside Down to carry out their part in killing Vecna, and they find someone they know to be dead*

*** Part One: AU***

It's the End of the World As We Know It

I want you

When Billy was killed by the Mind Flayer, that was when Steve realized he loved him. Unfortunate timing, right? As Toto wisely put it, love wasn't always on time. Fuck Toto.

I hold one card, that I can't use

Perhaps it was for the best. After all, it wasn't the right era, either. Even if Billy has survived -if Steve had done more than just watch his body get punctured like a piece of paper- there was no guarantee he loved Steve back. Neil Hargrove died of a "broken heart" (Steve didn't know he had one. Fuck Neil.) and Billy should've been here with him, celebrating the death of the old ball and chain.

Billy deserved to know the perks of a Neil-free life. Max deserved to have her big brother.

It wasn't Steve's loss. So why did he feel so empty?

But I want you

But Billy was gone. Dead. The world would move on without him. Steve just couldn't bring himself to follow suit. Fuck the world.

As it turned out, the world had selective hearing, because it did indeed start to fuck itself. Or rather, Vecna did.

You're coming back

Steve was about to become bat food. He writhes around in vain, because he's supposed to stay alive. For the kids. For Robin. For-

His eyes start to roll to the back of his head, foam spewing from his mouth-

Then the tentacle thingy abandones its hold on his neck, and he breathes in and out, his lungs graciously accepting oxygen like a starving man at an all you can eat buffet.

"Harrington? That you?"

Steve bolts upright, eyes wide. They're watery, but they make out a stocky man with matted hair, and fiery blue eyes.

"Hargrove?" he weezes out in disbelief.

"In the flesh," Billy replies. He's covered head to toe with blood and demo guts, and his wife beater is torn, showing purple flowery scars.

It's logically not possible for him to be alive, but Steve's never been more relieved. Fuck logic. He was friends with a girl who could move things with her mind. Plus Billy Hargrove had proven several times before Starcourt that he was immune to logic in all of it's forms. It's almost scary how fast Steve accepts that he's real.

Billy crouches in front of him, doing what he does best; invading Steve's personal space.

Billy hastily pushes back the hair sticking to Steve's face, and Steve swears he sees tears gathering in Billy's eyes.

"I thought... I thought everyone forgot about me... I tried to-to reach out... but-"

Steve gets caught in the moment, cupping Billy's face in his. He's disturbed by the lack of squish, but make no mistake, it's Billy fucking Hargrove. "Me, forget you? Have you met yourself? You're pretty damn unforgettable, Billy."

Billy's mouth forms a small "o".

"Steve, I-"

"Step away from him, or I'll shoot!" A gun is pressed to the back of Billy's, and Steve tackles him.

"Christ, Nancy! Put that fucking gun away, it's Billy!"

Speaking of, the boy is quivering under him, and Steve shoots Nancy a dirty look as he tries to calm him down.

"This isn't the time or place for a Shakespeare play, Harrington! Take your Romeo and let's fucking haul ass!" Eddie practically screeches, waving his arms around frantically.

Billy barks one of his horrendous hyena laughs, causing the other teenagers jump out of their skin. Robin clutches her heart, her other hand gripping Nancy's and Eddie is hiding behind her, shaking his head like a wet dog. Dustin just stares at Billy, trying to process the fact that the guy who died for them is somehow alive.

There is nothing even remotely funny about this situation. They're probably all going to die here, and the world is in potential peril, but Steve can't help joining Billy with a manic laugh of his own. What a strange pair they must be.

A selfish sliver of Steve is alive, and this part of him is glad that of all the people to die with, Billy Hargrove is one of those people.

But if there's one thing he and Billy have in common... they won't be going down without a fight.

Steve's hand finds Billy's, and he squeezes it. Billy looks at Steve like he's just hung the moon, and the asshole squeezes back harder, a competitive smirk on his grimy face.

Fuck Billy Hargrove.

And it's the end of the world

When they return to Hawkins, their group is one member short, and not even Billy has the heart to crack an ill timed joke.

It was Eddie's wicked guitar solo that told him he wasn't alone. He had smoked a few joints with him before Starcourt (in fact Eddie had made him a mixtape for him after Neil stepped on every CD Billy ever owned). In the short time he spent with Munson, he had grown... fond of the greasy haired metal head.

Eddie understood him in ways that didn't require words.

Apparently even being fond of someone was a fucking crime in the 80s, because Billy had seen what Eddie's plan was before he even cut the sheets. And he just... stood there while Eddie finally decided to pull the hero card.

And Max...

He failed her. He failed to look out for her, and now she was holed up in the hospital. Lucas was by her side. Billy couldn't look at either of the them. The shame was too much. Besides, he wasn't sure Max would want him there anyway.

El the girl he died for, had greeted him with a hug, as though they were old friends.

He supposed they were, in a way. She had been inside his head.

Focus on the positive...

According to the doctor, Max was alive.

Try not to focus on brain dead...

His spunky little sister and the d word shouldn't exist in the same sentence.

Somehow he had seen everything, and he couldn't do anything. He wasn't sure how to explain it. It was like he was there, but he couldn't move.

All he could do was watch. Watch his little sister's bones snap, blood pouring out of her formerly blue eyes.

That hurt more than when she said she wanted bad things to happen to him. When she said she didn't think he deserved to be saved.

Steve pulls up to Hopper's cabin, and Billy is hesitant to get out of the car (he and Robin had stolen it, and he remembered that Eddie taught him how to hot wire).

Steve stays with him, even opening the passenger seat to offer a hand to help him out.

He expects Steve to drop him and go be with his friends, but good old Harrington doesn't leave his side. Neither does El. Funnily enough, Dustin doesn't hide behind the Wheeler girl when Billy nods at him. The mop headed kid nods back, a mutual look of respect and understanding in his red rimmed eyes.

Eddie's death reminds him of a book he read once, in which the author killed off a comedic, cowardly character to signify that shit was getting serious. A harsh graduation from heavenly childhood into the descent of hell.

Argyle, Jonathan Byers' buddy, looks him up and down, then offers him something Billy can't refuse- a blunt. And of course, inevitable conversation. "You're from Cali, right?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, sick! What's your opinion on pineapple on pizza?"

Jonathan, who has decided to take a break from trying to explode Mike Wheeler with his mind, slaps his forehead, groaning loudly at his friend. The weed hasn't kicked in yet for him, then. "Dude-"

"Adds flavor," Billy replies, inhaling the smoke in hopes it will numb his brain so he can't think (and by extension not feel). Argyle is a watered down version of Eddie, and the thought brings him a tiny bit of comfort.

"My man! Up top!" Argyle forgets to actually high five Billy, and stumbles off into the bushes nearby.

"Shouldn't he stay closer to the cabin?" Billy asks Steve.

"He's looking for mushrooms," Jonathan answers for him. "He'll be fine. I think."

The younger Byers gasps, touching the back of his neck.

Billy shudders at the same time, a sudden chill coming over him.

The two Williams look at the sky, watching the sun get swallowed up by dark clouds that signal much worse things than rain.

Curiousity gets the better of the mismatched family, and they gather together on a grassy hill overlooking Hawkins, breaking out into duos; Chief Hopper with Mrs. Byers, Will with Mike, El with Dustin, Jonathan with Argyle, Nancy with Robin, and last but not least, Billy and Steve.

This time Billy's hand reaches for Steve's as red lightning strikes the charcoal sky.

Part 2:

**(And I Feel Fine)**

We're starting over

And I love you darling

And I am done here

T.S. Eliot once said, "What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from."

A year after the Final Battle (or as Dustin dubbed it, an encore no one asked for), and Steve finally understood what that quote meant.

As brutal and heartbreaking as it was, he was finally able to be free from the cesspool of Hawkins, Indiana. The Battle gave him a chance to start over. And of course he took Billy with him, because if anyone deserved to experience that same freedom, it was the Boy The World Swallowed Whole.

Billy, who had to let Max go, because he didn't want her to suffer anymore. Billy, who slowly but surely lets Steve into his fragile heart.

They drive to California, where Steve watches Billy come alive in the sun, his curls turning golden. Like a halo. A real life angel who's stolen his wings back, but never needed them to fly. Steve tells him so, and Billy hides his red face in his hands, muttering "You're a fuckin' sap, Harrington."

Steve was learning all of Billy's little quirks, and he couldn't have any of that without the gift of Starting Over.

At the same time, Billy was learning new things about himself, as well as rediscovering parts of himself he never thought he'd see again.

You're in the house, and I am in the car

Of course couples (or whatever they were) fought sometimes, and they were no different.

Despite Steve insisting he's not a burden, Billy doesn't always believe it. He fires back telling Steve he deserves better than someone who is damaged. His body is scarred and soft in places that weren't before. His hands have done horrible things to the people he loves.

It becomes a ritual of some sorts, where Billy's fears and insecurities are layed out for Steve to see, and Steve focuses on what's eating at him.

If it's his scars or stretch marks, Steve traces them, saying they tell a story, and that he would happily read it for the rest of his life.

Billy isn't sure what to make of that one.

If it's the scar he gave Steve at the Byers house, the older man tells him that it escalated, and Steve would have done the same thing if he were Billy.

If it's nightmares... they both get them. So they hold each other. Steve gets a therapy dog, and Billy adopts the kitty that fell out of a tree and landed in his mullet.

If it's his "fluff" as Steve calls it (Billy prefers it because it makes him feel cute), Steve cuddles with him. Sometimes they have naked days, where Steve traces words onto his soft skin that make Billy come undone.

If Billy's not in the mood for Steve to see him, Steve distracts him by making him laugh.

He tries to compliment Billy on traits that aren't physical, like his bravery, his big heart, his frat boy sense of humor, his Joe Pesci impression... (there's more, but Billy has a short attention span sometimes so Steve keeps it short).

I just need a quiet place

Where I can scream I love you

To no one's surprise, the first time they confess their love for each other out loud, its during an argument.

It's a silly argument that started because Billy is in a particularly annoying mood where he's being childish (and confident) and Steve just wants to fix his hair (and mope because Billy has a date tonight, and it's not with him- even though he has a date too).

Feeling ignored, Billy pouts and grabs his brush, singing "Catch me if you can!" and proceeds to run around their house in socks.

"Dammit, Hargrove, I have a date tonight!"

"You were in the bathroom too long! I have to get ready, too!"

"Then use the other bathroom!"

"I don't want to!"

"Why not? Jesus, Hargrove, just give me the damn brush!"

"No."

"No?" Steve repeats, growing angrier by the second. "What the fuck do you mean, no? Do you have a problem with me going out on a date?"

Billy's plump lips snap stubbornly shut at and the two boys glare at each other. It's just like high school all over again.

"Use your words, Hargrove. What about your date? Shouldn't you be getting ready?" Steve can't keep the scornfulness out of his voice.

Billy, the perceptive bastard that he is, raises a clearly mocking eyebrow.

Why does he have to be so fucking pretty?

"I don't have time for this." Steve makes to yank his brush out of Billy's hand.

"I don't have a date tonight," Billy mutters so quietly, Steve almost doesn't hear him.

"What?"

"I lied. Are you happy now? Have fun on your date, Harrington." He thrusts the brush at Steve, who's objective has shifted to Billy's kicked puppy face.

Steve groans, throwing his hands in the air, as he often does when his brain is overwhelmed by new bits of information. The sudden movement startles Billy, and he backs up, slipping on the hardwood.

Steve stops him before he hits the floor with one hand, and he's thankful for whatever possesses him to pull Billy into his space. He's delighted to spot more freckles dotting Billy's fuller cheeks. He smells like cigarettes and cherries.

Does he taste like cherries, too?

But when I stepped through,

There was no floor

True to Harrington fashion, however, he puts his foot in his mouth. "Why did you lie? Billy?"

"Doesn't matter." Loosely translates to I don't matter.

"Why don't you want me to go on a date?" Steve presses. "Billy, goddammit, talk to me!"

"Because you're supposed to go out with me!" Billy roars, voice cracking.

"Well, I want to go out with you, too!"

"I- what?"

"Billy... I. Want. To. Date. You."

"But-"

"No buts- Stop laughing, I'm trying to confess here!"

That shuts Billy up, and he watches Steve hopefully.

"You've always been something to me. But the thing is... I've never been satisfied."

Billy stiffens, ready to insult him, but Steve pushes on, "Because you're a force of nature. A hurricane. Larger than life, and I knew right then and there I wanted all of you. You were my rival, my hero, my crush, my friend, my roommate... And I want you to be... my partner in crime. My only partner in crime."

Billys eyes grow comically wide, oceans of emotion, absorbing every word. "If we're partners in crime... does that mean we can... kiss?"

"We can do a lot more than kiss. I want you, in every conceivable way."

Billy grins from ear to ear, pink from his face to his neck. "Harrington, you sly dog-"

Steve kisses him. Its not particularly romantic, and their noses are smushed together, but it's perfect.

"I guess you could say... you fell for me?"

"I want a divorce."

"My, my, Hargrove, it sounds like you see us getting married some time in the future."

"S-shut up!"

I love you darling

Is what their wedding vows say ❤️

Tags list:

@whoringrove

@geormenia

@sognofragile

@ouizzyharringrove

@lovebillyhargrove

@harringroveho

@wixterirox

@hardestgrove

@suspiciouslackofclowns

@polaris-talks-fandom

@emeraldwitches

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Good Girl, Bad Boy (Pt.13 of 15)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Word count: 1.9 K

Summary: You're the extreme opposite of Billy Hargrove. The good girl, with perfect grades, the child every mother wants to have. And you don't want to have nothing to do with his kind. Ignoring Billy – and his constant, lingering stare – became an habit. But after you're put together for a special school program, you'll have no choice but to get along with him. And soon enough you'll find out that Billy is so much more than just Hawkins' bad boy.

<-Previous part (12)

Next part (14) ->

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

{Dacre Montgomery Masterlist}

×

Monster

“Billy has improved. A lot.” Seated on Mrs. Martinez's office, you go over why Billy deserves a good recommendation letter. Half the teachers already agreed, much more because of you than because of him, but that's not the point. “He doesn't get a C since he started, he wants to be a Marine Biologist and he gets straight As on Biology and honestly, he's actually helping me on Chemistry.”

“I've been tracking his progress and I've been impressed with your work. Billy Hargrove is by far the best in the program.” She read some files, putting them down before looking up at you. “I also noticed that you two became very close.”

“Mmm, yeah... W-we're dating.” You stutter, clearing your throat. “But it doesn't change the fact that he's doing great. I mean, Billy does want to go to college and–”

“Don't worry about it. A student's love life isn't my business. I just mentioned it because it was impossible not to notice.” She smiles and you blush even more. “Well, I'll be happy to write him a good recommendation letter. But for the principal, it'll be good if you get some of Billy's friends to make some reports. But we can arrange it immediately if you want. The Principal is in a meeting but I can let you know as soon as he's available if you manage to get some people right now.”

You stand up, smiling. “I can. Thank you so much.” Mrs. Martinez got that urgency of the matter, and you're more than eager to keep that up. “I'll gather some people and whenever you're ready I'll be at the parking lot.”

“Sounds good.”

“Alright.” With another ‘thank you’, you rush outside, walking fast to the parking lot. Billy is leaning against his car, and Nancy and the others are near Steve's car, a couple of feet away.

“Princess of Hawkins number two. Are we going or not?” Steve asks, making Billy notice your presence. “I'm dying for some ice cream.”

“Actually, I need a huge favor from the three of you.” Keeping your voice soft, you walk over to Billy, standing next to him. The stick on his mouth gets your attention, and you raise an eyebrow at him. “Is that my lollipop? That I was saving up?”

“...No.” He mutters, with a half-smile as he takes the candy off his mouth. “Maybe. But we can share.” Billy gives you the lollipop and you roll your eyes, biting back a smile before putting it into your mouth. And for some reason, Billy has that stupid smirk on his face

“That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen,” Steve speaks up, getting your attention.

Looking at him, you shrug your shoulders. “What? I kiss that mouth, you know that, right?”

“And you do a great job doing it,” Billy whispers on your year before taking the candy once again.

“Alright. You, drop it.” With a finger on Billy's face, you take the lollipop from his mouth again. “I have something important to say.” Turning at your friends, you take a deep breath. “Mrs. Martinez agreed on writing a good recommendation letter for Billy. But to convince the Principal to do the same, she needs a couple of students to... Give some reports, you know. As witnesses that my handsome boyfriend is now an amazing student too.”

Steve bursts into laughter, covering his mouth with one hand as you stare at him. Arms crossed, an eyebrow raised. It takes long seconds until he stops. “What?” He stutters. “You can't possibly think I'll...” As he speaks, Steve looks at the others, and not Nancy or Jonathan seems to find it funny. “Oh, c'mon. I agreed on standing Billy, but I never agreed on giving good reports.”

“Steve, this is important.”

“(Y/N), c'mon. Billy isn't–”

“Billy has good grades now and that's what I'm talking about. You don't have to like him.” Walking over Steve, you touch his shoulder. “You don't have to do it if you don't want to, but we're trying to build our future. And if you find it in your heart to do this for me, I'll be very thankful.”

“God, you're so damn good.” Billy mutters, and you roll your eyes.

“Well...” Stepping back, you smile. “I could also kill Steve. Would you help me hide the body, B?”

“Ridiculous,” Steve mumbles, making you giggle. “Fine, (Y/N). Just because somehow you made a good boyfriend out of this scumbag.”

“I'd take that back if I were you,” Billy says, raising his voice a bit.

“Woah, back down.” It's not the first time the two have incidents like this, and you always have to calm them down. “You guys have to–”

“(Y/N).” Mrs. Martinez calls and you look to your left. She walks fast, smiling. “The Principal will see the students now. But you can't be inside the office for that. They'll be interviewed separately.”

“Alright.” Breathing out, you give Steve a look. “Don't say anything driven by your personal–”

“I won't.” Steve rolls his eyes.

Mrs. Martinez guides the three of them inside the school again, and you follow them, holding hands with Billy. “It'll work.” You tell him.

“It will.” He agrees, with the smile that belongs to you alone.

“Billy boy!” Someone yells and you soon recognize Tommy, with an arm around Carol's shoulders. “Forgot to tell you, buddy. Awesome party tonight at my place.” Tommy smiles and nods at you, and Carol does the same. “My parents aren't home so we'll go hard, all night long and I count on you to set the tone as we like it.” As he speaks, he gives you a weird look. “You don't have to come if you don't want, (Y/N). I know you don't really like it.”

“I'm not going without (Y/N), you know that,” Billy says, and Tommy rolls his eyes.

“C'mon, pal. I planned everything. Wild and dirty, as you like it. I'm sure (Y/N) won't mind you going by yourself, right (Y/N)?”

“I won't. He can–”

“Sorry, guys, I gotta go,” Tommy speaks out, cutting you off. “A lot of things to do. See you there. Bye, my friends.” Waving, both he and Carol walk away.

Billy starts walking again, but you hold his hands, forcing him to stop. “B, I want to go.” You tell him, sighing. These parties aren't your thing, even though you've been to some with Billy. Mostly when it's someone's birthday. But other than that, you've been skipping them. He likes them though, and you don't want to be the one to hold him back. “Let's party and do whatever he meant by wild and dirty.”

Billy giggles, pulling you close. “You have no idea what he meant by that, pretty girl. And you don't have to go, it's alright.”

“No, B. I know you have fun on those things and I really...” You don't want to lie, not to him. So you sigh, running a hand through your hair. “Just go, alright? Have fun with your friends and... I just... I don't want to be the one to keep you from doing stuff you like. You know I'm not... I'm not like you in many, many aspects but–”

“(Y/N), listen.” Billy takes both your hands, looking down at you. “I love you.”

“B...”

“Shhh. I love when you call me that but listen.” Cupping your cheeks, he places a quick, soft kiss on your lips. “I love you just like that. Good girl, with perfect grades and so damn polite and friendly that sometimes almost kills me of jealously.” He smiles, kissing your nose. “But I wouldn't change a thing about you. Your... Goodness was exactly what made me fall for you. You're... Everything I'm not. And I'm still perplexed that you love me back.”

You're a blushing mess when he's done speaking, eyes locked on his. “A-are you sure?”

“I am.” He nods, smiling. “Why go to some stupid party when I can stay with you?”

“I'll invite you to dinner then... Let's say... Pizza?”

“Pizza.” He agrees.

“Mr. Hargrove.” The teacher calls, and you both look at her. “The Principal wants to talk to you.”

“Right away.” He says, winking at you.

When Billy enters the Principal office, you wait outside, leaning against the wall. To say you're nervous is an understatement. The Principal's letter is the most important, and you know he needs it very much.

“Sweet (Y/N).” A masculine voice calls, and you immediately look to your left, leaving your bag on the floor. It's Tyler, coming from around the corner. “What are you doing here all alone?”

“What are you doing here? Detention again?” Tyler is the only one of Billy's friends you can't stand. You soon figured out he's more like a parasite, sticking close even though people don't really like him. But still, you try not to treat him like the asshole he is. But it doesn't mean you have to answer his questions.

“No, no.” He smiles, a disgusting smile that sends shivers down your spine. Not the good kind of shivers. “I had to leave something on my locker but now... I'm actually happy I got you alone.” Tyler walks over you, standing a bit too close, making you step back. “Now tell me, (Y/N). What are you doing here? ...All alone?” He leans closer, his mouth close to your ear.

You immediately move away, violently pushing his chest. Tyler always gives you this sensation, as if he's trying to get to you somehow. And you hate it. It makes you feel like you're completely naked under his stare. “What do you think you're doing?” You ask, anger flowing out. “Stay the hell away from me, you jerk.”

Tyler laughs. Out loud, mocking you. You're about to curse again him when it happens.

Tyler moves too fast, an arm encircling your waist. His grip is too strong, and it makes you violently collapse against his chest. “I've trying to get you for far too long, sweetie.” He grunts as you start fighting, pushing him away and still trying to understand what the hell is going on. “If Billy can have you, so can I. Or do you think–” He stops suddenly when you succeed to hit him in the ribs.

“LET GO OF ME!” You manage to push out, as loud as you can, your mind yelling for Billy. But before you can say it, call for him, a hand comes to your mouth, and Tyler's free hand starts wandering through your body.

You feel violated, abused already, but it doesn't matter how hard you try, he's stronger than you.

“Sweet (Y/N), let's...” He starts pulling you, and you do try to resist as much as you can. “...Let's find ourselves some nice supply closet and get more... Comfortable? What do you think, huh? Gonna show you how a man–”

“LET GO OF HER!” The scream, the voice that sounds like thunder, makes your whole body relax at the same time Tyler's grip loosens.

The rest is pure chaos.

Billy grabs Tyler and throws him to the ground. Someone pulls you away from the fight, and you soon recognize Nancy. In her embrace, you hide your face in her hair, and she helps as you fix your clothes.

Your mind is mess, and you can't even process what's happening.

The only thing you know is that you're safe now, away from that monster. And Billy is beating him up into a bloody mess.

×

@multific @tina1938 @graciehams @moatsnow @all-the-stars-on-your-skin @captain039 @rebelemilu @theodore-likes-frogs @prettyinpunk85 @taisab02 @pascal-rascal424 @aleksanderblack @gruffle1 @boomhauer

[eddieslittlefreak]

bleaching my heart - steddie ff.

summary: steve gets back with nancy because this is all he ever wanted. at least he thought.. and a very specific someone just won’t leave his mind.

note: school is taking away all my time and energy from writing, i hate this :( song rec. for this is definitely bleach by 5 seconds of summer

There was a little gathering at school and everyone was more than happy to be there. Things turned out to be good for once in Hawkins and Steve couldn’t be happier. He was alive, all this madness ended and he got Nancy by his side. He wanted to get her back somehow in forever now and he should be feeling nothing but joy and love. 

But fuck. He couldn’t ignore this.

He couldn’t ignore the knot in his throat whenever someone mentioned him and Nancy together for the first time in a while. He couldn’t ignore how he sometimes totally spaced out, thinking about everyone and everything but Nancy. He couldn’t ignore how he told Nancy that she was in his dreams and how he wanted all of this. It was a mistake, Steve now knew it, but couldn’t bring himself to say this out loud. To say this to Nancy. And most importantly..

Steve couldn’t ignore Eddie’s eyes on him from across the room.

With Eddie, Steve felt different. He always thought he is just the troubled kid and he has nothing to do with him, but then one night after they got back from the upside down, Steve found himself in Eddie’s arms and ever since then, every little space in his mind got filled with the thought of Eddie. Steve felt like he was living again, when he was with Eddie. Now he knew that all of this with Nancy was a mistake. Nancy was nice and kind, Steve liked her but he was just too blind to see that it’s not like that anymore.  It just happened that Steve found someone who was a little better for him.

Someone who he hurted when he left him alone in the morning after they made love for the first time the other night. Someone who still ached after Steve’s every little movement. Someone who made Steve feel the closest to the feeling of being in love. 

This someone was Eddie, who was uncomfortably rocking on his heels right next to the table with the drinks. 

And damn it.. Nancy knew all of this, she wasn’t stupid. She just wanted Steve to say it himself. She didn’t mind it, because Steve was suffering for a long time now and he deserved happiness. It was bad to see him so sad and maybe it was a lie that Nancy said she wanted this, too. Everything was a mess, and it was difficult to see clear. But it was time to move and not be freezed in time. 

Around midnight Eddie left and went up to the roof. Steve was hesitant, but eventually he followed him. On his way up the stairs he couldn’t stop thinking about how Eddie won’t ever forgive him now. Steve was the best version of himself, but he didn’t believe he was a good person. Yet Eddie.. Eddie kind of made him feel like that. When Steve was seventeen he felt like he owns the world. That he knows everything and everything is just a game and he is destined to win in all of them. He felt on the top of everything. And now at the edge of twenty one he felt like nothing. He knew nothing, he was confused and lost. He already drank too much and just wanted to sit down somewhere and cry, because there was too much in him. At the end of the day he was nothing new and he was about let too many people down.  He slowly opened the door that led to the roof, just to get hit by the ice cold air right in the face. His cheeks were burning from the alcohol and the cold was hurting his skin as he stepped out from the doorstep. Eddie heard his steps behind him so he hesitantly, but turned to face the person behind him. Steve felt like he got hit in the gut, because it’s been a while since he has been this close to Eddie. And gosh, he looked absolutely beautiful. And sad. 

Steve thickly swallowed before the first few words left his ice cold lips.

“I missed you.” he breathed out, leaving hot marks in the air between the two of them.

“You came up here to tell me that?” Eddie looked at him with a blank expression, trying to suppress everything that was killing him from the inside. Steve sighed, not breaking the delicate eye contact for a second. “Go back.”

“No.” Steve answered, stepping closer. “Not without you.”

“Not without me?” Eddie laughed, bitterly. “To me it seemed like you are just fine without me.” Steve’s heart was aching in his chest to finally confess everything to Eddie, but he was a coward. Love was always something that made Steve terrified. Maybe because he never got enough of it and he didn’t even know how to love right. But Eddie.. Eddie had so much love to share and he wanted to give it all to Steve.

“No.” Steve said again, as his drunk thoughts started to overtake him. “I want you.” he was so close to Eddie now and as he tripped in his own leg, Eddie caught him just in time. “I miss you, Eddie.. fuck, I miss you.” he repeated it.

“Steve, please don’t do this.” Eddie tried to push him away but Steve held him so tightly that Eddie had no chance. It’s like Steve was afraid of falling down off the roof if he didn’t hold him. 

“I’m stupid, I’m so fucking stupid..” he pressed his face onto Eddie’s chest, muttering the feelings soaked words softly into the material of his shirt. “I never should have left you. I’m better with you, I don’t want to let you go.” he sobbed, every word as heavy as an anchor.

“Steve, for fuck’s sake.. you’re with Wheeler, what does this have to do with me?” Eddie rested his arms on Steve’s back, now accepting the fact that he won’t move.

“I didn’t.. I don’t want to.. I just.. fuck..” Steve whined. “I want you Eddie. I want you so badly, it physically hurts.” he finally stood up straight, eyes a bit foggy from all of the emotions that were causing a hurricane in him. Eddie turned his head away, looking down at the town like this whole thing didn’t matter. The truth was that it did matter. He tried to forget it, but he couldn’t. He loved Steve, it was more than obvious now, and it was like a dagger in the middle of his back when Steve got back with Nancy. Eddie felt betrayed and he tried to remove the dagger that was sinking into his skin deeper and deeper, but he just couldn’t seem to reach it. And now, on this cold night Steve offered to remove it himself and even heal the scar. “I’ll tell Nancy. I promise, I will.” Steve said, snapping Eddie back into reality. “Just please. I don’t want to let you go. I’m sorry for everything. I know it now that my place is next to you and I don’t care about anything else.”

This time Eddie got closer, sneaking his hand up onto Steve’s cold face that was colored rose red. He gently brushed his thumb over the sensitive skin and then softly touched Steve’s bottom lip.

“Big words, you know that?” Steve nodded, melting into the touch of his missed lover. “You have no clue what I felt when I saw you with her again. The way you said her name.. I wanted you to say my name like that. To tell everyone I’m yours. Such a daydream, right?” he smiled sadly. 

“Eddie..” Steve whispered and the name was more than crystal clear the silence of the night. “Eddie, Eddie, Eddie..” he started to repeat it with the burn of passion that rolled off from the tip of his tongue. “My Eddie.” he dared to kiss him, so urgent but slow at the same time. The last few months were more than hard but now everything seemed to be alright. 

Because Steve was nothing new, but for Eddie he was an old poem. And he memorized every line. 

[brynnabeth]

Actually, you know what? While I'm on my Stranger Things kick, here's another thing that has deeply bothered me about season 4.

Two things, actually, and I'll boil it down to a TL;DR and put the rest under a read more.

TL;DR? Will Byers deserves the fucking world, and I love Steve and Nancy individually but not together and they both deserve better than the shit writing they got this season.

First: the writers just straight up forgetting Will's birthday. What the hell? You're telling me that Joyce "I will face God and walk backwards into Hell with both middle fingers up for my children" Byers forgot Will's birthday? That Jonathan was too high to remember his favorite person's birthday? That El didn't know? That Mike completely spaced on his best friend's birthday? I don't think so.

Second: I love Nancy. I love Steve. I don't love Steve-and-Nancy. They're better off as friends than they are as a romantic couple (tbh, I'm still hella confused as to why Nancy got back together with him after the whole "Starring Nancy 'The Slut' Wheeler" thing in the first place, because that's just not cool no matter what - like, Steve still had his head firmly up his ass and jumped to a conclusion and decided that public humiliation was an acceptable form of payback instead of just talking to her, and as much as I love post-beatdown Steve when he becomes an actual person with a soul instead of a Hometown Hero Caricature, I, personally, would have told him to go sit on a cactus), and Steve's had so much growth over the last couple of seasons with getting over Nancy and moving on, and he literally told Nancy that if Robin were interested, he would be dating Robin. So I don't understand how we go from "I would happily date Robin if she were interested in men at all" to "It's always been you, Nancy." I don't get it. I think it's lazy writing. And as for Nancy, she deserves so much more development than she's been getting. Like, have her break up with Jonathan (and as much as I like Jonathan, I never understood why they got together, either, because for all their chemistry, nothing will change the fact that they've all apparently conveniently forgotten about the fact that he took pictures of her half-naked standing front of Steve's window without her consent and that's creepy as fuck and also not okay). Have her spend some time on her own and not in a relationship so she can explore and figure out who she really is. Don't constantly have her looking at the other side of the fence and wondering if the grass is greener because you're making her look like a terrible person. She has no close female friends (aside from Robin now) because they literally killed her best friend in the first episode of the show. GIVE HER SOME MORE FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS. SHE NEEDS THEM. GIVE HER TIME AND SPACE TO BE HER BEST SELF, AND STOP TRYING TO PUT HER BACK WITH STEVE. STEVE DESERVES BETTER THAN TO BE PINING OVER HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND WHO GOT DRUNK AND CALLED HIM BULLSHIT. (I know she was hurting, but still. There's gotta be a better way to say "this ain't workin' out, bud.")

And Nancy deserves better than to be a watered down stereotype of a Final Girl. It's just bad writing.

[indiemovies]

i am honestly. having the best time here

unhinged nancy is something a long time coming and hopefully they'll write it in... god. she deserves it. and i really want to see it. s4 was such a good segue into a separate nancy plot, hopefully moving away from that godawful love triangle. because there’s something so terrifying for someone like nancy when interacting with vecna. the way that he can make you see whatever he wants you to, and the way that he picks up on your deepest insecurities and most shameful fears, the way there’s always an element of half-truth, and element of echoing some sentiment that you believe, no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise. the way that he can see through nancy’s curated shields and say “i never forget when i kill someone” or whatever the line is and !!! there’s the barely hidden accusatory undertone, and god, he shouldn’t be able to look at you and know the worst things about you but he DOES, and now these teenagers, who have been dragged through hell and back, have to deal with him

!!!! YEAH. ROBIN DID THE EXACT SAME THING W STEVE. they literally speedran a mostly one-sided enemies-to-friends trope and there's definitely something within the both of them that feels that connection. tbh, this feels more monumental than nancy having a queer realization or whatnot. robin isn't drawn to nancy because she feels like there's a possibility that nancy might be queer, she's drawn out of curiosity and a hint of awe, and she knows there's Something tm but like. this would be their heart-to-heart, though not canon in the least. some sort of edging around using explicit terms, but they're definitely talking about the Thing they've respectively kept wrapped up as best they can (for nancy, the most prevalent part is the guilt)

god that vISUAL- nancy calling home, not even caring who she wakes up at this point, utterly frantic and convinced that something's wrong, something bad happened, but no, nance, nothing's wrong, is there a reason you're calling at 4am for the second time this week? and what is nancy supposed to say to that? obviously she's not the type to openly admit that she's having nightmares about her loved ones dying in front of her eyes (or rather, the worst part might be seeing them dead and always being a little too late. too late to see who killed them, what happened, too late to do anything but mourn), but she's also smart enough to know that making up something that might suggest a return of the upside down would. not be wise. and i'd love to see some scene where mike and nancy collide a little. since the "no more secrets, okay?" moment in s1, they've kinda just been in their own orbits. their loss, the inevitable nightmares, everything is happening parallel, like their rooms are completely different worlds

okay ! and sidenote, i just. love the way your mind works. all these other points i hadn't thought of or hadn't connected, but you did !! and i totally agree the bouncing of ideas is such a vibe, so thank you :D

the ingrained misogyny when it comes to nancy wheeler ! even subconsciously, i feel like a large portion of the fandom watches nancy be mean to people and make mistakes without taking the extra step to think about how much she’s struggling and therefore making said mistakes, or struggling in the aftermath. and they see the surface level of her character, a sweet teenage girl in s1 who made some dumb mistakes and has boy issues. and then they see her, again, in later seasons wearing pink and facing literal sexism and find her to be a typical quick-to-snap feminist, or another liberal woman fighting tooth and nail for rights that today, women already have. why bother investing their time and thought into that sort of character? she's just another woman in the '80s, and for all that the show tries to show glimpses into her turmoil, or show how much she wants to break out of the mold, it's swallowed by her scenes with a boy. to the point where her biggest problems as an individual can seem like they revolve around who to date next when ! that's not it at all. and it frustrates me to no end that there are more fics about steve and his parents, who, sure, there are things to talk about. they're never home, he makes that one comment about his dad being a real grade a asshole, but jfc. there are more fics talking about how steve needs a hug and has ptsd, has bad parents, the whole lot, than about nancy and her very real, on-screen trauma. 197 works for "steve harrington has ptsd". "nancy wheeler has ptsd" isn't even a tag.

no offense, but the only things steve really experienced that nancy didn't was the russian interrogation, the demodog bus scene, and lighting the root network on fire. not that those kinds of moments can't manifest as trauma too! but for crying out loud, nancy got trapped in the upside down with a demogorgon nearby for a hot minute before any of them really knew what was going on. she stood in front of a car with her loved ones and fired her gun, and when that didn't work, she fully resigned herself to dying if the impact might be lessened for those in the car. she watched the parents of her best friend destroy themselves about barb's disappearance, and had to attend their dinners and pretend like she wasn't a main character of the tragedy. all these fics talking about how steve's so guilty about barb's death, he never swims in his pool anymore, like. jesus christ. some people are so determined to infantilize their favorite white boy that they really can't see the big picture. and this has definitely derailed itself to more of a this-fandom-can-really-suck rant, so back to the main point (apologies)

maybe that’s why the pennhurst scene is so crucial in the nancy robin relationship? because it shines light on everything nancy’s been forced to do, such as wear uncomfortable clothes and play a docile part to get even half of what she’s asking for. and all of a sudden robin’s juxtaposing that because she’s already been there and tried to conform, but she’s far past that now. so she stands up to a man of authority, isn’t shy about her exasperation for the situation, doesn’t lock down her every emotion so the men don’t have to deal with it, and figures out a way to get what she wants. and that’s what nancy’s been looking to do, looking to fight for herself and other people, but knowing that in her time, women don’t really get what they want without bowing down and suffering under a man

this! is a lot of writing my bad. i don't... know where i was trying to go with this part of the time. but i hope it gets the point across nevertheless, so i'll talk to you soon ish!

I GIGGLE AND KICK MY FEET AT EVERY MESSAGE FROM YOU at what point do we just collab and publish the nancy wheeler bible

YES vecna is so the perfect villain for nancy like i don’t necessarily think she’s a super internal character, but she tends to be very…..compartmentalizing. she’s able to face so many scary situations/monsters bc ever since s1 she’s been pretty good about separating her feelings from the situations i think. obviously a lot of her actions stem from her grief in s2, but even still, she kinda gets this facade going when the action starts, it’s like she turns off a part of her brain so she can be fearless and strategic. so vecna FORCING her to confront her feelings in order to face him is SO GOOD and would be so beneficial to understanding her character on a deeper level.

i love what you said about our idea of the ronance heart to heart….the thought of them both experiencing their sexuality differently like nancy’s being wrapped in guilt and robin’s being fear/shame, but both being able to sense it in each other and being able to communicate it to one another in some coded way and finding comfort and understanding each other…..yeah

I hadn’t thought about people’s inability to connect with nancy due to her issues of sexism being so contextual to the 80s they can be hard for people (or at least people who don’t understand we really havent resolved a lot of issues regarding misogyny) to relate to! i think that’s such a good point!!!!! i’ve seen some people acknowledge that it’s crazy how much her character has changed since the first season bc of the plot, but i feel like that gets twisted into normal girl → badass action hero when that may be true but it’s surface-level!!! there is such an edge of tragedy to nancy’s character because she shouldn’t have HAD to change like that, and although she may definitely be the most mature teen character, she’s still so young and the veneer of maturity and strength she puts on isn’t entirely a facade but it’s not the whole truth either! i think the stuffed animal that she “gave away” after season 1 reappearing in the finale signal that..she got rid of something she thought childish, and when she finds it again she lights up, wishes she could still be the kind of girl with the same stuffed animal she’s had since she was a kid, but chooses to give it up again. she’s so sad!!!! and this can be extrapolated to larger issues of misogyny with girls having to grow up too fast and having to appear adultlike to even have the chance of being taken seriously.

people being so much more willing to unpack and understand a male character’s trauma to the point where they make up trauma for him just to explore his character more while completely ignoring nancy’s plots and problems and obvious trauma yup yup yup! ALSO NANCY WILLING TO DIE STANDING IN FRONT OF THE CAR TRYING TO SHOOT BILLY ahhhh we could write a 10 page analysis on that scene alone!!!!!!

I LOVE YOUR ANALYSIS OF THE PENNHURST SCENE i think you’re dead on the money and i think that’s in part why they bond so much. i think before, maybe nancy resented robin’s supposed immaturity and goofiness and mistook for…not being dumb but not exactly as intelligent by nancy standards. but i think that moment just shows nancy a whole other side of robin and shows that she is capable and so smart, she just shows it in a different way. and i totally agree she is exhibiting qualities nancy has always craved for herself but thought they would hinder instead of help her…..ronance both admiring/being in awe of one another is so special to me<333333

I LVOE THESE TALKS I LOVE YOUR MIND!!!!!! your genius literally

[billy-the-hurricane]

200 harringrove

Hi sorry it took me a ridiculously huge amount of time to do this, but here we gooo

200. "He loves you, you know? He's just afraid of admitting it"

_

Steve and Billy's friendship was.. complicated to say the least. Admittedly, Hargrove having punched the shit out of the other boy last November was probably not helping their case. Before that fight, it had been rivalry, mainly fueled by Billy while Steve tried his best to just ignore the guy. After that, they kept their distance for a while, and Steve found out from Dustin that Maxine had threatened her brother with a nailed bat to leave them alone. But the whole thing felt off to Harrington. It's a good thing Hargrove wasn't trying to fight with him anymore, but it seemed everything else was gone with it. His fire died down. Billy came back to school with a black eye Steve knew for a fact he wasn't the one responsible for, and alarmingly quiet. Him who usually was loud and obnoxious was just trying to stay quiet. After interrogating Max (god forbid he'd ask the guy himself), he wasn't given much of an answer, but it seemed Mayfield definitely felt somewhat of an embarrassment when the question dropped. This only concerned him more. The real turn however was one time Steve drove the redhead back to Cherry Lane. Both Neil and Billy's vehicles were parked here and as soon as they got out of Steve's beamer, they could already hear some fighting was going on inside.

"Steve, you should leave now" Max had told, despite the concern written across her face.

"why? What's happening?" Harrington asked with a worried frown that only deepened as Neil's voice raised even louder. They could hear him like he was simply in the room next to them and not outside the house. Max bit the inner side of her cheek, swallowing hard.

"Please, you really sho-" The girl had started before their discussion was cut short by the most haunting pleading Steve's heard. At least in a while. It was clearly Billy screaming, with the sound of a vase breaking right after. He couldn't make up the exact words, but it was obvious the blond was begging for this to stop.

And things kind of clicked. Why Billy was behaving the way he did. Despite Max trying to avoid this being known, because Billy doesn't want it to be known he's guessing, Steve knows now. No matter how much his guts are telling him to storm inside, to just do something, anything, he leaves. He feels extremely gross for days afterwards, spent the weekend wondering if complying to the redhead's request had been a good idea at all. When Billy showed up at school with a scar forming on his eyebrow, having split it in a way that probably would never grow back, Steve had no doubt about the situation.

So he tried finding small ways to somehow approach Billy, befriend him. It was clear the guy's behaviour was stemming from his life at home, but Steve was certain that with some help, he could give the blond a more healthy outlet than knocking people out. This was definitely easier said than done, with Billy being very hostile at the idea of ever hanging out or even being seen with the guy. But one step at a time, one meaningless small talk at a time, they started actually hanging out at lunch. Then after school. Shared joints and deeper conversations ensued over the course of a few months and although this didn't fix Billy's issue, it was obvious he wasn't as agitated anymore.

The main turning point for them was a night of April. In which Steve confided in his own insecurities. Brought up his failed relationship with Nancy, the fact that his parents themselves didn't know him more than on an acquaintance type of level. He felt alone in a stupidly big fucking house all the time, stuck with nightmares he couldn't describe to the blond. For a second he thought maybe Billy would mock him, or flee his way out of the conversation but he did not. He listened. Hargrove let Steve talk and although it was clear the Californian native wasn't used to give advices, he genuinely tried and it showed. Then he opened up too. Billy seemed really hesitant for a hot minute, but he confessed to the abuse at home. The fact that it's been happening for so long and gradually getting worse. The fact that it took an awful turn when Neil caught him with a guy.

Holy shit.

That wasn't expected for sure, caught him off-guard for sure and judging by Billy's face, it showed. The guy looked like he was seeing someone dying. It hit him now. Just how much trust Billy has in him now, to even just share this.

"Nevermind, I'll just go" Hargrove blurted out, getting up with a reddening face. An awful sense of embarrassment coursing through his body. He just made a fool of himself. Again. As he walked out, Steve ran after him, grabbing his wrist but Billy instantly moved it away almost mechanically.

"Listen man, it's okay, I just didn't expect it" Harrington awkwardly let out, watching Billy's back still turned towards him. "It's a bit of a lot to process at once that's all. I think I figured out for your dad, but I didn't know you.." the brunet went on, earning a chuckle that held no joy from Hargrove. "It's okay. That doesn't change anything for me. I'm sorry this happened to you, you don't deserve any of it. Just know you can always come over if you need to sleep away from your house"

And just like this, Billy's sexual orientation was never brought up again. Steve was supportive and offered him a roof more than anyone has in YEARS. He was always stupidly kind, never asked for anything in return. Billy finally had a safe space and someone he could count on. Billy laughed harder than he ever had with him, and the experience was mutual. It was just. Easy. Stress free. Well until he caught feelings. Until he came to realize just to what degree Harrington mattered to him. He'd rather die than admit it, of course, but they were there. The stupid fucking butterflies. Whenever Steve smiled too bright of showed too much care. Usually Billy found a way to distract them both with something totally different, just so he can focus on something else than the way he feels. But with time, it became harder and harder and the fear of slipping up grew bigger and bigger. As much as it pained Billy, he slowly tried distancing himself. Just to avoid this disaster.

However, what Billy hadn't anticipated was just how much this would hurt Steve. He just couldn't understand what the hell he did to upset Billy. And whenever he asked, Hargrove would assure nothing happened and they're fine.

After weeks of useless back and forth, Steve asked Max. Asked what the hell was wrong with Billy. And apparently that was a really stupid question, judging by the stare she gave him. She shook her head with a whispered "boys" before looking around them to make sure no one was eavesdropping.

"You really have no idea?" the redhead asked, crossing her arms.

"Not really, no" the teenage boy reiterated with a sigh.

"He loves you, y'know? He's just afraid to admit it" Maxine explained. "He's changed a lot since you guys made peace. It's obvious he cares a lot for you, so please don't let this destroy your friendship. Just give him time to move on-" she started, cut by Steve that was finally processing the words.

"He's in love with me?" Harrington questioned, although the answer was given to him even before he spoke. Well, damn. He didn't even add anything else, just left with Max calling him behind him.

He just hopped into his beamer and drove off, later realizing he probably scared her to death, she probably thought he was about to fight with her brother over it. But he just had to see Billy. It's now been weeks since he's been questioning himself over this, over how much he cares about the blond. Over the implications of it. But hearing Billy loved him was like all of his thoughts now made sense. He parked into the public pool's parking lot, knowing Billy was on his Saturday shift. He walked in, ignored the girl at the entrance, vaguely explaining he was there to see Billy and headed to the lockers, finding him there.

"The hell are you doing here?" Billy told, putting his sweater on properly as Harrington was just walking towards him in an overwhelmingly confident manner. Now dragged into a changing room, he's really starting to freak out.

"Jesus man, what's your issue?!" Hargrove insisted as the brunet locked the door behind them. "What do you want?"

Steve just found himself speechless once locked in here with the other, now only fully understanding what this was. "You're in love with me" he let out, quite breathless sounding. And Billy turned white like a ghost. The guy that usually dripped in confident was losing all of his arrogance in seconds.

"No" Hargrove mumbled out, his voice now slightly shaky. There were no fucking way out. Both of the discussion and physically.

"You're not a good liar" Steve smiled, watching the blond embarrass himself like a twelve year old.

"Fuck off" Billy replied, trying to move Steve out of the way, just to get his arm pulled even closer into Harrington's space, chest pressed against chest. Steve had this dumb smile on his face, and Billy felt like this was a joke at his expense. Couldn't be anything else. "That's not funny. Just beat the shit out of me, get this over with already"

"I want you to tell me. Say it to me, please" Steve said, completely ignoring Billy's previous words.

"Are you serious?"

"Please" Harrington asked again.

"I.." he looked away, swallowing tightly. "I'm in love. With you"

In response, Steve gave him one of those beautiful bright smiles of his, his hand sliding up to cup Billy's cheek. "You're beautiful" he told before leaning in to kiss that fucking idiot.

[growup-thatbeautiful]

drive is out now!! It’s a Post Season Harringrove Hurt/Comfort and I’m pretty proud of it. Read it on ao3 here or below the cut. Likes and comments are very very much appreciated :))

Billy doesn’t drive after starcourt. Something about being behind the wheel makes him sick with memories that he can’t understand. They’re abstract and totally unreliable.

But it’s kind of always been like that for him. He's used to having gaps in his memories, except most of the time it’s because of trauma. Or that’s what Joyce tells him and the rest of them whenever they have nightmares about things they don’t remember happening.

He's been living with the Byers and El. He tries to be useful around the house, doing whatever he can because he really doesn’t have anywhere else to go. It’s hard, though. It seems like everything he does, he does wrong. He never had to learn how to fold sheets or clean dishes. Not only was neil hargrove terribly homophobic, but also misogynistic, which is a word joyce taught him because she teaches all her kids that stuff. And he’s one of her kids now. So, yeah. Neil never had Billy do the chores because “he’s not a true man, but he sure as shit isn’t a woman.”

It's alarming how quickly this odd family replaces his old one. Neil seems miles away. Neil doesn’t try to look for Billy, and that’s fine as far as Billy's concerned. He's got scars to cover up the ones Neil made. no need to dwell on that when he has so much other trauma to process., right? Kind of.

He does check up on max. Asks her if neils pulling any of the shit he used to get from his dad. double checks for bruises hidden under makeup or long sleeves, and never finds any. Good.

Joyce is good. great, even. She doesn’t blame him when he breaks a dish because he heard a noise. She listens when he says he needs some alone time, and she knows when he’s just saying that. She gives good hugs and has no problem giving him Jonathan's old room to stay in while he’s off at college. leaving Hawkins behind him, calling every night anxiously awaiting the return of It. Nothing happens, and eventually they relax. Or they try to. That part of billy’s been broken for a long time, though.

So Joyce starts fading into memories of his mom, and he tries not to blame her.

Again. He's never had a great memory anyway. He does remember his mom telling him that boys don’t marry other boys when he was five and told her he wanted to marry his best friend. Then she told him never to tell his dad. It's strange, because he can’t remember her saying that she loved him, even though he’s sure she did. Did she? Huh.

At least the painful memories he gets to keep. Neil beating’s. Beating up on Harrington that night he didn’t know what was going on. The car crash before his mind was taken from him. Max’s terrible scream of “Billy” mixed in with the ear-ringing pain. Waking up in a hospital with starburst scars across his body. Skin that isn’t his. They remind him not to get to comfortable, remind him that the kindness he’s being shown isn’t well earned.

Because Billy knows he wasn’t worth those hospital bills and sleepless nights. All he’s done to the people here is hurt and scar and he’s seen them with the deepest kind of fear in their eyes. Fear because of him.

Everytime he goes down a path like this, he tries to stay clear of everyone. Because. They all tried to hide how much hurt he’s caused. They don’t blame him like they should.

He didn’t know any of them well before. But he knows El didn’t always carry around that police badge or look up at every siren, praying for a familiar face only to be disappointed and try not to show it. Because if Billy survived, couldn’t the more-deserving Hopper? Apparently not.

He knows Joyce didn’t always search for Will in every setting and have those folded up pictures of the two men that died because of all the shitty things that happened. Because she can’t stand to forget their faces or not carry that burden for just a second.

Will didn’t always get quiet every time a draft went through the room or refuse to go out that front door first. Because so many things have been ruined for him.

The rest of the kids didn’t always jump at every noise or bunch together for every corner, carrying lucky momentous and items. Because God forbid they have a break.

He doesn’t see them a lot, but Nancy and Jonathan definitely didn’t carry around an emergency kit everywhere they went, packed with medical supplies and Nancy’s choice gun. Because they’re going to be there to help if anything tries to take another person they loves away.

Some part of Billy reasons that it’s not all his fault. He wasn’t one of those scientists or government agents that started the whole thing.

But he did enough. Enough to warrant all the shit that he’s going through. It’s not the healthiest way of thinking, he’s aware of that, but it helps him get by.

No matter how hard he tries, though, there’s always someone at the house that finds him. Curled up into a ball, dry hitching sobs and no tears because “Hargrove men don’t cry.” Billy gets damn close sometimes, but the fear that Neil’s going to come out from the cracks in the wall and kick him where he lays is too real.

There are usually soft words.

“We don’t blame your here, honey. That wasn’t you, that did all that stuff. And I’m not going to let anything else bad happen to the people under this roof.” Joyce’s strong and sure voice, only breaking at the edges.

“I know what it’s like to have him control you like that. I know better than anyone else, and I know how scary it is. Mom says it’s over now, though, and I can’t feel It anymore. I would tell you first if It came back.” Will never says anything more than that, which is comforting in itself. It’s nice to have someone else.

“They lost. You’re here. I’m here. Will’s here. It is safe.” El’s statement is simple, but she makes it easy to believe.

He believes them until he gets another new memory of what he did. The Mayors blood on the floor. Heather’s petrified screams. Standing before that thing and feeling nothing but a perverse sense of but awe and, buried beneath that, a screaming sense of horror and the constant feeling of slipping in the sand.

There are times, like right now, when he doesn’t want someone to make him feel better. He wants someone who can drive him away from here and sit in an empty parking lot and smoke away the thoughts. Someone like Steve.

He would do it himself. He would. But he can’t. Can’t get over that fucking gas pedal. So he calls Steve.

They’ve done this enough times for it to make sense for Billy to have Steve’s number memorized. And his work schedule. And to know when he with Dustin or Robin or any of the others on one of those group outings Billy can’t bring himself to go to. There are too many sad faces, too many broken homes.

It doesn’t matter what he wears. It’s just Steve, and they’ve gotten past the point of caring about things like that.

Which. Is obvious to anyone who looks at Billy, not that he sees anyone. He’s lost a lot of weight. Muscles that used to be defined are gone, replaced by scars. He can’t get them back yet, because he’s not strong enough to lift any of them. And because muscles like that can hurt and hit. His eyes are surrounded by heavy bags, bloodshot and tired. The new callouses on his hands are mostly scars from anxiety ridden breakages, and the pained nails are because El wanted to try the new dark blue out. His hair is greasy and flat, nowhere near what it used to be. It hangs around his shoulders in curled waves, so far from where he used to be.

He doesn’t even try to smile to the sad reflection in the mirror.

Steve doesn’t honk when he arrives. The first time he did that and the noise sent Billy spiraling, and Steve had felt terrible, cussing up a storm that actually helped Billy out of it. Luckily, it was just Billy home and no one else was there to witness they’re collective train wreck.

Before he leaves, Billy grabs something from the bathroom and stuffs it in with the rest of the random shit he brings.

Billy slides into the passenger seat, leans his head back against the headrest, and says, “So, Harrington, how you been?”

Steve, mercifully, looks the same as always. He looks good, the asshole. It’s a relief that he’s still able to feel that fire Steve lights up. Different than all the other King’s from California. A few more scars, but they all have that. His shades are pushed through his hair, brown strands flopping over lazily.

“Same as usual, so fairly shitty and on the brink of breakdown. You?” It would be a normal conversation if Steve wasn’t completely serious, corners of his mouth only ticking up when Billy reaches over and bats at the band-aid charm hanging from the mirror. A joke from Billy to say sorry for, you know, almost beating him to death for no real reason.

“Oh, you know.” He doesn’t need to say more for Steve to get the idea. It’s the same way they’ve been feeling for months now.

“Yeah.” The car ride over isn’t far from the Byers’ house, and they spend it in almost silence. Some pop station is playing low on the radio.

“This the shit you listen to, pretty boy? I expected more than this.” It’s an attempt at normalcy, something that they’ve slowly been working up to.

“At least I don’t blast out my eardrums every time I want to listen to music,” replies Steve quickly, smile evident in his tone.

And it’s normal. It’s them. The way they were before it all got so messy. For that brief moment, there’s no winter night or july 4th. For a brief moment Billy can entertain a reality where he went to the find Steve instead of a fight. A world where Steve, with those pretty eyes and snap remarks, could hold his hand and stop him from doing all the bad things in the future.

But the moment passes. Steve clears his throat and looks forward at the road.

They arrive to the quarry, water at the bottom glinting, tossing, teasing. The car doors slam shut, and they slide up on to the front of the car. Billy pulls his last minute grab out of the bag and hands it to Steve.

“I want you to cut my hair.” Steve takes the scissors and towel in his hand, looking at Billy.

He doesn’t ask if Billy’s sure. Billy figures that Steve knows at this point he wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t real. If Billy wasn’t sure. Steve cards a hand through Billy’s hair. It feels. Good. Real good.

Steve starts cutting, and Billy winces at the sound of the scissors closing around his hair. His past.

“I like to think it isn’t just part of me.” The comment comes out of nowhere, surprising Billy more than it surprises Steve.

“What?” Steve’s voice is calm, the sniping of the scissors is methodical.

“The anger. The aggression. The tendency to hurt. I like to think it’s not in my nature, but my nurture.”

“I don’t think you’re violent.” It’s a laughable statement.

“You’re joking. Did you forget most of last year? I’m the one with the bad memory here, Harrington.” Billy can practically hear Steve’s disapproving mother’s frown behind him.

“That wasn’t you.”

“Right, sure, whatever, bullshit. But what about…you know. Last winter.”

“What happened before that?” asks Steve patiently.

“Jesus, you’re worse than Joyce. My dad sent me after Max. Found her at Byers’ place with you. Hurt you a whole fucking lot.”

“Is that all he did? He just told you to go after her?” Billy ignores the way his stomach does flips when Steve runs a hand through Billy’s hair, straightening it out.

“So you’re my fuckin’ therapist now? What do you want me to say? He kissed my head and sent my on my merry way? That’s now how he works. I’ll admit, I was saved by his new wifey. He can’t use me as a punching bag when she’s standing right there, not like he did with mom. Nothing I couldn’t handle. Nothing worse than what you’ve done to me. And the insults weren’t too bad either. He forgot to call me a fag.”

“Oh. Shit, Billy, I-“

“It’s fine,” cuts in Billy, hating the pity in Steve’s voice. He’s not the one who should have it.

“You didn’t deserve that.” This time it does make Billy laugh. It’s a hollow and haunting sound, an echo of his charming boyish laugh.

“Sure I did, dipshit. You’re probably one of the people who knows best why I did, in fact, deserve it.”

“So then I’m the best person. to tell you that you aren’t that person. You haven’t been that person since you left him and all of that shit. Let me ask you something. Do you want to hurt people now?”

“No!” Billy startles himself with his sudden enthusiasm, and Steve jumps a little behind him. Steve is quicker to recover, though, and he runs a hand through the hair he hasn’t cut yet. It’s soothing. Billy barely resists the urge to lean into it. Ask for more.

“Did you ever want to hurt people? Like really, truly want to see them hurt?” Billy has to think about the question. Steve deserves an real answer.

Flashes fly through his mind, bringing on too familiar emotions. Anger, a need to make someone, anyone, feel the way that he’s feeling. Fear that not having this power over people would make him weak. Horror at what he’s about to do. Detachment, painful as he grinned and laughed.

“I just wanted to have control. Take some of the hurt I was feeling and give it to other people. It was a rush that I was addicted to. The thrill of the fight, the feel of flesh against my fist, the look of blood on my knuckles. I liked fighting, still do. I didn’t like hurting people.” Steve puts the scissors down on the car hood, fluffing Billy’s hair and sliding down next to him.

“I’ve been on the wrong side of the fists of two people I’m now okay with,” admits Steve. “Believe me, I know now to take a beating. I’ve been heartbroken by two other people I’m close friends with. I forgive too easily.”

“So you’re a compulsive truster and I’m a compulsive fighter. What a pair we make, huh Harrington?”

“Yeah.” agrees Steve, bumping his shoulder against Billy. “What a pair.”

Maybe it’s the haircut. Maybe it’s the sunlight confessions. Maybe it’s how carefree and happy Steve looks. But Billy feels lighter. Like there was this unspoken weight he had been carrying around that no one knew about. Or everyone knew about, but couldn’t help.

The thing is, Steve didn’t even say anything. He didn’t promise a better future, he didn’t say that he was safe. He shared some of the personal pain they all carry around.

“I don’t think I ever said sorry. I am sorry, you know. I. I didn’t-“

<i>Mean to hurt you. Want to hurt you. Mean to let you see how much I hurt. Want to need you.</i>

“I know. I’m sorry too. Someone should’ve known. About you.” Steve leans closer, and Billy chalks it up to the night chill as the sun settles below the glistening rocks.

“I was good at hiding things I didn’t want people to see.”

“Yeah, well you’re not alone there either.”

“You good at hiding, pretty boy?” Billy’s eyes flick down to Steve’s lips, and, is Billy imagining it or is Steve looking at him the same way?

“Apparently not good enough,” jokes Steve. His smile falls off of his lips, and he leans minutely closer. If Billy wasn’t paying attention to all of Steve…

The way his hair glows white and gold in the sunset. That wrinkle between his brows. The way one of his eyes is a little darker than the other. How he smells like cigarette smoke and that fancy hairspray, even when his hair is blown from the wind.

The way he looked that night. Cool and collected, then terrified and fighting for his life. So beautiful in the harsh starlight and then so abstract in the broken kitchen light.

Before he knows what’s happening, Steve is filling that gap. Kissing Billy like he’s trying to sooth the pain from their past. Maybe he is. Billy wouldn’t put it past him.

His hand finds a way to Steve’s hair, the same way Steve’s been running his through Billy’s now shorter hair. He curls it into the strands, holding on tightly. Soft.

The way Steve sighs his name takes Billy away from it all. The pain. The memories. The lack of memories.

They lay out under the stars for a few minutes, but Billy knows Joyce will freak out if she can’t find him. Not because she doesn’t trust him, he has to remind himself, but because she doesn’t trust others.

On the drive home Steve plays that pop stuff again, and Billy gives him the appropriate shit for it, a smile on his face the whole time. His fingers laced through Steve’s.

They arrive at the house, and Steve declines to come in. Gives the excuse that his parents will be waiting up when they both know it’s not true. Billy can’t blame him. Billy understands needing to be alone, needing to get away.

Billy leans through Steve’s window and wished that he could kiss him goodbye. Well. The teasing will have to do.

“Night, King Steve.”

“Goodnight, Asshole.”

If Joyce gives him a knowing smile at the door, Billy doesn’t smile back. Probably.

He definitely does. Maybe he deserves the smile. If Steve thinks he does.