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calissarowan · 3 months

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The First Fairy Hunter

We’re back with another sarcastic comic summary! This time, we’re summarising Issue 133: ‘The First Fairy Hunter’. So, settle in, and remember that I do love the comics, I just really like being sarcastic. Be warned that this is ridiculously long.

So, we’re on Tir Na N’og, which is a school now. I don’t know where all the Earth Fairies live, maybe they moved into a condo. Nebula’s teaching - and can we all just take a moment to give a round of applause to whoever decided that, following her promotion, the woman that usurped the Queen and tried to kill everyone in Gardenia should be put in charge of educating the youth of today? Go ahead, applaud, they deserve it. Super decision-making…

Anyway, Nebula is announcing that Morgana, her mentor-slash-that-woman-she-condemned-to-an-extra-dimensional-void is here, along with the famous Winx! Who are here! For…some reason. They’re not teaching a class. Or giving advice. Apparently they just showed up to clap their hands and be name-dropped. (And have a random adventure, but we’ll get to that.) Also, Roxy isn’t here. Because why would the Princess of Tir Na N’og be on Tir Na N’og to talk to young Earth fairies. It’s not like she too is a young Earth fairy. Plus her mom is here. But that was two seasons ago; who can be bothered to remember genealogy?

Nebula asks Julia, the Fairy of Existing for Only Three Panels, to demonstrate what young Earth fairies are capable of, smiling uncomfortably as Julia pulls out her copy of ‘Disproportionate Global Vengeance for Dummies’. Fortunately, she rolls with it, and Julia levitates it, along with a couple other books, and the Winx are amazed, having never seen anything so impressive.

Julia gets interrupted by Lydia, who is apparently the class mean-girl, as she interrupts Julia’s book-levitating-skills to say she knows how to do it better, and when Julia defends herself, Lydia makes copies of herself to bully her, and Nebula, being the top-tier teacher she is, just kicks back and watches her student get picked on, because Julia stops existing in the next panel, so who cares.

Morgana, meanwhile, is applauding the illusory bullying, ignoring the inappropriate conduct in favour of complimenting the spellcraft (this is the woman who was willing to watch Nebula crush her husband with a giant iceberg; I’m not sure where you think the bar is, but it’s lower than that).

Nadine, Lydia’s b**** sidekick, decides to get in on the fun, glamouring herself to look like Morgana, which really impresses Morgana, and everyone says a sad goodbye to Julia as she drifts into obscurity and oblivion. (Not really, everyone’s already forgotten her name.)

Nebula finally gets up and does something, making Nadine look like herself again and telling Lydia to get rid of her bullying duplicates, and everyone watches with excited anticipation for the surely inevitable reprimand of Lydia for picking on another student, but no! The problem here is illusion magic, the bullying is AOK. Apparently illusion magic is forbidden at Tir Na N’og College, and they’re both suspended. Meanwhile, all the other students have just vanished from the classroom. Where have they gone? Did they leave early? Does anyone care?

Later, the Winx are just wandering down a hall with Morgana, trying to figure out what to do until their adventure of the week starts. Stella suggests they get a bagel. Bloom says no. Musa asks if she left her phone charger at home. Tecna says nah, it’s cool, she brought it. Everyone realises why Winx doesn’t show the behind-the-scenes bits.

Stella asks if Nebula was a bit too hard on Lydia and Nadine, and Bloom says they performed the spells correctly. Sure, Lydia was bullying another student, but Bloom thinks it’s okay to randomly assault royalty. Lydia was probably just having a bad week. Or she felt like it. She’s a fairy, so whatever. She can do what she wants.

Morgana admits Nebula was a bit harsh, but she understands why Nebula hates illusion magic, and says she’s forbidden it for a very precise reason, and Aisha asks what that reason is, since Morgana is being helpfully cryptic. Morgana says it’s because Nebula has never forgotten her defeat at the hands of Yllidith: the Lord of the Fairy Hunters! Dun dun dun!

Musa says this is the first they’ve heard of it. What? You mean there’s a villain you didn’t hear about until the exact, specific day it was relevant? Oh my God! That has never happened before! *cough cough* Wizards of the Black Circle *cough cough* Seriously, what are you learning at your apparently eternal course at Alfea?

Tecna asks if Yllidith is as powerful as Ogron and the other hunters they’ve fought in the past, and everyone pauses and goes ‘…Oh yeah! Remember them?’ Also, once again, Gantlos, Anagan and Duman are reduced to Ogron’s sidekicks or bandmates or whatever. I’m convinced Morgana and the other Earth fairies (see, I can reduce people to ‘other whatever’ too) just don’t know the other wizards’ names, and they’re covering up their shoddy research skills.

Morgana says that because of his illusion powers, Yllidith is far more powerful than Ogron and…um…the…other ones. Okay… I mean, Duman could turn into anything and Gantlos was the Wizard of Destruction and could summon natural disasters, but okay, some stage magic tricks are more powerful. (I’m sorry, Ogron and Anagan, but you may have to fight it out with illusion magic for least impressive powers.)

We get a flashback where we see the wizards kneeling before Yllidith in…a castle? They had a castle? They had a castle, and we saw them living in the sewers? What? Okay, whatever. Maybe it wasn’t their castle. Maybe it was an Air B&B.

We get to see the Gantlos and Duman in some pretty cool medieval outfits, along with the back of Ogron’s head (nobody tell him his face didn’t make it into the comic, he’ll be livid), while Anagan has apparently just been wearing that trenchcoat since the dawn of time. Meanwhile, Yllidith looks, to use @spilledmilkfkdies words, like a very colourful homeless man, while his…minions? Teammates? People whose moderate fame he’s glommed onto to become a disappointing comic villain? Look far snappier.

Apparently the wizards feared and respected him, and then we realise we’re getting dangerously close to the villains having actual human emotions, so we slam on the brakes and get to the evil bit, where the wizards besiege Tir Na N’og, and with Yllidith as their guide, they were practically unstoppable as they fought…what appear to be the college students from earlier. Ogron uses those blue lightning powers we all know he has in order to do an unspecified thing, well done him, now get out of the comic, your brief return to minor significance is over, see you for your anticlimactic cameo in twelve issues, and things are generally not good for the Earth fairies.

Nebula apparently tried super mega hard to defeat Yllidith, but he overcame her with his incredible power of making some duplicates and staring blankly at her.

But, fortunately, Morgana was there, and, with the help of Aurora, Diana and…Sibylla? She managed to blast Yllidith? Sibylla is blasting Yllidith? Sibylla’s in a fight? Sibylla? The Fairy of Sitting in her Cave and Doing Nothing is in a fight? So she can get involved? I guess the wizards unleashing the Abyss on the Day of Justice just wasn’t important enough to warrant getting off her stone chair, huh.

Anyhoo, shoving that glaring plot hole in with all our many others, we continue on to Morgana saying that Yllidith was locked in a cell in the castle dungeons, where he still is today. Nobody knows where he was when the castle was in that other dimension. Or where all the fairies were. By this point, nobody knows where anybody is, will be, or has been, we’ve made ourselves dizzy enough, so once the room’s stopped spinning from plot inconsistency, we pick ourselves up and move onto Musa’s very reasonable question of why didn’t the wizards come get Yllidith? Apparently, Ogron was super ambitious, and wanted to be the new leader, so Yllidith got left behind, because Ogron, Gantlos, Anagan and Duman cannot have human emotions or any motivations aside from power, so Ogron was the new leader. The fact that we hear nothing about the others being resentful of this feels like it says a lot, like maybe they actually liked Ogron better as a leader, and a guy that made them all bow to him like he was king rather than a guy who needed a new stylist wasn’t the greatest guide to have, but anyway.

Tecna points out that if Yllidith were freed, the school could be in danger, and that maybe keeping a felon under a school full of teenagers isn’t amazing decision-making, but don’t worry, because it’s not just any cell! It’s a special, magic cell, that Nebula monitors all the time, apparently even when she was in that other dimension, so apparently the wizards trapped Yllidith right along with the fairies. Or not, and Morgana is just covering yet another lapse in judgement from the Queen of Bad Choices.

Flora feels sorry for Nebula, and wants to reassure her, while Aisha was planning to feel some trauma with all this Ogron-mentioning, but then got reminded that this wasn't about her, and her trauma followed Julia to wherever it is things we’re pretending don’t exist go.

Stella wants to have a chat with the students Nebula suspended, and Bloom is curious to know where they learned those spells of illusion. I’d guess the Magic Dimension internet, but that’s not very dramatic, so probably not.

Bloom, Stella, Tecna and Musa get back from looking for Lydia and Nadine, and they find them, but apparently they’re in the basement, and the foreshadowing is so strong now that nobody can see the plot right in front of their face, and Morgana, who’s apparently just been standing there, doing nothing, says she’d better go check.

They go down to the basement and Bloom says it’s dark, so Stella says she thinks she can summon some light. You think? You think you can summon some light?! You’re the Fairy of the Shining Sun! Or Sun! Or Sun and Moon! Or whatever! You can relight one of the Pillars of the Infinite Ocean, but you’re iffy over whether you can make a hovering lava lamp? Really?

Lydia and Nadine, in the weirdly fancy basement, hear the Winx coming and don’t want anyone finding them, as ‘The Professor’ wants to keep his lessons a secret. Morgana appears behind them and asks what professor, and the girls beg Morgana not to punish them, forgetting that she doesn’t work at the school or have any authority anymore, so she can do precisely nothing. (Though, despite having made Nebula the queen, she’s still wearing her crown. Maybe her forehead was cold, I don’t know.)

Morgana says they’re in a sea of trouble for…going into the basement? I didn’t realise it was off-limits. But, fortunately, we see some of the Morgana that got overthrown by Nebula and gave the woman a promotion, because she says if they tell the truth, maybe she’ll look the other way and make them duchesses or something.

Bloom realises this has been not about her for a worrying length of time and quickly takes over asking the questions, asking where they learned those illusion spells, and they explain that they learned them from a mysterious teacher who lives in the basement, only contacts them telepathically, and has been teaching them to strengthen their magic by blasting a random seal. It is at this point that the Winx realise they are dealing with complete idiots.

Morgana flips because that’s the seal of Yllidith’s prison, and that it’s nearly broken, and Nadine finally realises that maybe something shady was going on here, and the girls learn the valuable life lesson to never start randomly blasting stuff because disembodied voices tell you to. Remember that, kids.

Yllidith pops up out of nowhere and blasts Morgana, because he’s the smart kind of escaped prisoner that hangs out right next to his old cell and picks a fight with the heroes of the dimension. I can see why the wizards were so invincible with his help.

The Winx do what they always do, transform and strike a pose, but unfortunately Yllidith actually is smarter than he looks (which isn’t hard), because a whole bunch of Yllidiths appear to confuse the Winx. (Frankly, going off the Winx in later seasons, if he wanted to confuse them, he could just have put a pull sign on a door you have to push.)

Turns out they’re all illusions, and further more that Darcy is suing because Yllidith stole her moves, but then everyone remembers that nobody cares about the law, so that gets thrown out.

Bloom says they have to warn Nebula, Aisha and Flora that the school is in danger from the exact specific villain they were talking about twenty minutes ago - what are the chances?! And Musa takes Morgana to a safe place. We don’t know where it is, maybe they went to hide in the void of irrelevance. Though that’d be a terrible hiding place, as Yllidith’s just gonna wind up there in ten minutes anyway.

Meanwhile! Nebula’s showing some remorse because she did a bad thing, so, based on the precedent, it’s time to make her Empress!

Flora and Aisha are telling her it’s fine, and it’s been years, so her trauma should be gone by now, and that everybody makes mistakes that almost get them killed and leave them with lasting emotional scars they can’t talk about because we’re keeping it light!

Flora points out that Nebula is now Queen of the Earth fairies, politely glossing over that time she tried to kill them all. And that second time she tried to kill them all. Don’t worry, she’s a fairy, so it’s all good!

Nebula says she’s not as strong a fairy as them, which is a bit weird, since she’s a highly-trained warrior and the Winx are still unaccountably in college, but of course, nobody’s as good as the Winx, so Nebula’s weaker for the purposes of nobody having to think too hard.

‘Morgana’ rocks up and says that if that’s true, Nebula isn’t worthy to be Queen, and I would say that’s a conversation that does need to be had, but for different reasons. (Like that coup she staged.) ‘Morgana’ says Nebula is weak and insecure and should leave the school forever, and somehow she just misses out on the ‘Understanding Person of the Year’ award, and Flora shows that she can be feisty by snapping at Morgana that she’s being spiteful, but the steadfast, almighty fairy warrior willing to fight the most powerful being in the universe for what she wanted admits that Morgana’s right, and she deserves to leave forever, so she prepares to follow what’s-her-face from class earlier into the void of obscurity, but thankfully Bloom gets there just in time to stop her, and Stella explains that it’s not really Morgana, it’s Yllidith, and he escaped his prison and decided to come mess with the person he already owned in battle rather than running for the hills and finding a better outfit that makes him look like a villain rather than a very tired guy at a Renaissance fair.

Yllidith, having anger issues and an apparent allergy to just getting the heck out of there, blasts Stella as though that will cause her to hoover back up what she just said and make Nebula believe he’s Morgana again.

Yllidith says that even if they find him, he’ll defeat them one by one, before proceeding to reveal himself. Thanks, buddy, that was really helpful, now we know where you are.

Flora and Aisha transform, and Aisha looks pretty close to doing that Black Widow hair flip thing, both of them just rolling with the bad guy of the week. Aisha puts him in a net, but it’s not him, it’s an illusion, and everyone starts to realise that this guy is basically a Darcy knockoff, but with worse fashion sense and he couldn’t keep his team around.

He disappears, and Aisha says it’s incredible, as though she doesn’t see her college roommate channel the supreme force of life in the form of a giant dragon on a weekly basis.

Nebula asks where Morgana is, and when Stella says Yllidith hit her with a spell that presumably did something, Nebula says they’ll never be able to beat Yllidith without her. Really? You have the Fairy of the Dragon Flame, along with a fairy with light powers that could disrupt illusions, and yet Morgana is the one you need? She was pseudo-involved in like, two fights in season four. She did basically nothing. Just let her daughter kick ass for her.

Bloom tells Nebula to believe in herself, and some voice of reason left over from the earlier seasons asks why they’re not using Believix against one of the guys it was presumably created to defeat, before being shoved into a broom closet before they have to start having continuity again. She tells Nebula to remember she’s the Queen of the Earth fairies, because she can presumably defeat Yllidith with political status, or maybe she can give the Winx some new power using the crown Morgana won’t give up.

Yllidith just pops up behind them, and Bloom helpfully yells out what’s happening in case anyone just couldn’t be bothered to swivel their eyeballs in his direction, and Yllidith starts…wrecking the castle. I don’t know why, don’t ask me. Maybe he wants to destroy his prison. Maybe he thought it’d be scary. Maybe he’s just a weirdo, and who knows why he does anything.

The students run for shelter, a student running the evacuation because nobody could be bothered to hire a teacher other than Nebula for a school that won’t exist again in four pages.

Nebula says it’s the end, and they have to save themselves. Seriously? This is the woman who watched the ground be ripped open by an abyss of evil and her first instinct was to charge, but she’s faced with some property damage and the end is nigh?

Thankfully, Tecna and her computer are there to establish that this is just an illusion, and Nebula says it looks real. Yeah, Nebula, that’s the point of illusions. Nobody would take Yllidith seriously if he just had cardboard cutouts of himself that he left around as duplicates. (I’m not sure how many people take him seriously now, but they’d definitely lose all respect for him then.)

Yllidith once again tries to turn back time through blasting, this time wrecking Tecna’s computer like she didn’t already tell everyone everything they needed to know. Apparently the Winx bore him, so why he’s still there, making it look like he’s doing something when he’s actually not is anyone’s guess.

Bloom tells Nebula to concentrate, and that together they can put a stop to these illusions, and Nebula gets everything back to normal with the power of smiling and doing nothing, which summons some violet magic that presumably does something. Thankfully, Tecna was right, and it was just an illusion, or else that would have been a rather anticlimactic end to the Winx.

Yllidith, who’s just lost his only real power, tells Nebula she’ll never beat him without Morgana and the Major Fairies (seriously, she can see through your illusions now; you have no power over her. How delusional are you?).

Then, Morgana pops up behind him with Diana, Aurora and Sibylla, and Yllidith just goes ‘Whuuuuuut?’ Nobody thinks to blast him while he’s distracted, but maybe they’re just being polite.

Stella says it’s impossible for the Major Fairies to be here, which, Stella, it’s really not, it’d take two minutes max to text an overview of the situation, and Diana and Aurora are confirmed to have teleportation. They could be there.

But anyway, turns out they’re not, and the two morons that listened to a random telepath they met in the basement have figured out how to jump-start their singular brain cells enough to come up with the idea to use their illusion magic to create duplicates of the fairies to distract Yllidith. And it’s presumably a damn good distraction, as Yllidith remains distracted as Bloom announces that they can catch him by surprise (yeah, Bloom. Announce your sneak attack. Why are you in charge?)

Nebula orders Flora to trap Yllidith with her vines, because she’s realised Bloom can’t be trusted to run the show here, and Flora ties up Yllidith like she tied Anagan up, but with no flirting because Anagan was cute and charming, and Yllidith is just the weird guy everyone wishes would get out of the comic, or at least get an outfit change.

Bloom yells for a convergence, because when the chips are down, generic uniting of beams of signature-coloured light is your friend, and she announces a Bloomix convergence that Nebula joins in with, apparently being a secret Bloomix fairy - who knew - and this is the second Winx convergence Nebula’s got in on, and she never has the power they said the convergence was for, but what the hell? She’s got a signature colour light beam, so let her join in.

They blast Yllidith and…apparently kill him. They don’t say that, but apparently they did, because he’s been ‘defeated forever’. Now, I’m gonna get serious a sec. We were told in season four that they couldn't kill the wizards, even though they’d betrayed them and prevented them saving Nabu, and Aisha was villainised for it, but…because Yllidith was mean to Nebula and pretended to inflict some property damage, he gets obliterated? What? So killing people is okay as long as Bloom does it. Got it. Good. Great. Hypocrites.

Now that they’ve killed the bad guy and made sure Aisha doesn’t call them out on what massive hypocrites they all are, Morgana shows up again, just in time to do nothing, true to form, and Musa’s a little ticked off she missed the adventure, but no worries, because there’ll be a new random villain soon.

Morgana says she’s proud of Nebula, and that she’s a worthy Queen of the Earth fairies, and that she totally didn’t just give her the crown because she was sick of responsibilities and wanted to hand them off to the first person she saw, and Nebula says she’s proud of Lydia and Nadine, because their illusions saved the day, and Lydia asks if they’re still suspended, and Nebula says no, and now illusion magic is fine, and the can improve their skills and everything is brought to a nice close, until presumably someone tells Nebula that Lydia and Nadine let Yllidith out in the first place by blasting random magical seals, and then I imagine they’re expelled and have to go back to wherever the hell all these new Earth fairies came from in the first place. Ah well, the end.

Thanks for staying with me for this sarcastic comic summary! I had a great time writing it! If there are any other comics you’d like me to sarcastically summarise, let me know! I can access most of them up to issue 152, though I’ll only summarise season 5-7, as the earlier comics are actually really good, and have better storylines.

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