#statehumans new york

[xertel]

[weirdestbooks]

The New Century (Wattpad | Ao3)

Turn of the century celebration, requested by @lost-islands

America could hardly believe it. This was not the first turn of the century he had lived through, but the first where he was an independent country. It was hard to believe that just twenty-four short years ago, he had declared independence, that he had become a country.

“You’ve changed a lot,” James said. America laughed.

“I suppose I have,” he said, looking back up at the stars from his newly built home in his capital.

“Dad, can we please go join the others at the party? Please?” Territory Northwest of the River Ohio, better known as Ohio due to his long name, asked. America sighed, looking back up at the sky, before making his way to the front door.

“Of course we can. I can’t deny you and Sippi a chance to hang out with your siblings after all,” America said, stepping inside.

“Daddy!” Tennesse said, running over and jumping into America’s arms. America laughed.

“Hey, Ness? How are you doing?” he asked. Tennesse had been a territory since 1790 but recently got statehood in 1796, meaning she had only recently reached her stable age of fourteen, something she always seemed to forget, with her habit of running at people and expecting them to be able to catch her. America had seen Rhode Island and Providence Plantations barreled over time and time again.

He was pretty sure some of the other New England states were encouraging it.

“Great! I’m so excited for this,” Tennessee said, burying her face in the crook of his neck. America laughed, feeling warmth well up in him. 

That was another thing he couldn’t believe about the past twenty years. His children. Right now, he has eighteen children; sixteen of them are states, and two of them are territories that live inside the little world in his mind. Learning about them, learning about James and Rebecca, was shocking at first, but it quickly grew to be one of the most extraordinary experiences of his life. 

He still felt an aching grief when he remembered all of those that he never got to talk to properly, who he never got to meet because he was choosing to remain ignorant to all of the colonies and people who shared a body with him.

It was his biggest regret.

But that’s why he did his best to spend time with his kids now. The ones he neglected and the ones he recently had. He loved them with every fiber of his being and couldn’t imagine hurting them, not the way his father—the way Britain hurt him. 

He had done it once when New Jersey and New York were fighting over their border. As soon as he did, he panicked, started crying, and apologized. It was too horrifying to even think about doing it. He didn’t understand how his father could have done that to him and his siblings.

He had experienced it once, with the United Colonies of New England, for those forty-three years they got together before his father’s Dominion of New England ended her life. America never resented his brother for that. At least, he tried not to. Every time he brought it up with his father, things got fuzzy; either his father took control, or James did.

James still refused to tell him what had gone down between Britain and him in those three years.

However, although he didn’t know it then, the New England colonies that existed within his mind wanted him gone and blamed him for the death of their sister. They were upset, and in turn, they convinced America to be upset. It was a confusing time. He didn’t know how he felt because so many people dictated how he should feel then.

That was a hard time, and America had never really considered how…terrible it was to hurt your children at that time, as he and New England both lived with Britain at that time. It wasn’t until independence that he realized.

So America held his second youngest daughter close and swore to be better, promising that she would never have the childhood he and his eldest (living) thirteen had. 

Whatever had happened in the past would stay in the past. America would have to do better from here.

He swore to.

“I’m glad you are. Now, let’s go join the others. I’m sure they’re missing us,” America said, putting Tennesse now and grinning as she skipped towards the kitchen.

“You are wrapped around their fingers,” James said, voice warm and fond.

“Shut up,” America responded, but there was no heat in his voice as he followed Tennesse into the living room.

“Happy turn of the century, Father!” Massachusetts said upon America’s entry to the room. America smiled at his eldest son as Vermont approached him, grabbing his hand and dragging him onto the couch. 

“It’s time you for to take a break. I know being a country, especially a new one, is stressful—”

“Is that why you became a state?” South Carolina cut in, causing his twin sister to start laughing. 

“Shut it! So, I know that it’s stressful, but you need a break,” Vermont finished. America laughed.

“Don’t worry. I already promised James, Mass, and Ginny that I would not be working at all today,” America said. Vermont smiled.

“Good. ‘Cause if you did, I was gonna get Kenny to help me hold you down,” Vermont joked.

‘America, please try and do some work. I want to see this,” James said.

“Well, James is interested in seeing that,” America commented. Vermont’s eyes lit up with excitement, and he turned to Kentucky.

“Hey, Ken! Get Papa!” Vermont yelled, prompting the first and only state to have never been a territory inside of America’s head prior to his birth to come running over, leaping into America’s lap.

“Oof. Hey Ken,” America said, looking down at his son, who beamed up at him.

“Hey, Pa! You’ve gotta stay. Ginny’s orders.” Kentucky said.

“And mine!” Massachusetts chimed in.

“Mainly Ginny’s,” Kentucky whispered, causing Ohio to begin laughing. 

“Triplets! Get out of the kitchen!” Virginia yelled, and America watched as New Jersey, New York, and Delaware all ran into the living room, crashing into Maryland.

“Mary! Are you alright?” America asked as Kentucky scooted off his lap, allowing him to stand up and walk over to his daughter, who gave him a shaky smile.

“I’m fine, Dad!” she said, standing back up with the help of Delaware, who gave her an apologetic smile.

“Good. Next time, be more careful, boys,” America said, turning to the three of them. New York and Delaware nodded, New Jersey joining them after a quick elbow to the ribs from New York.

“But if they were careful, they wouldn’t be them,” Pennsylvania said, leaving the kitchen with a smile on her face. 

“Now, food is ready, so unless you are planning on starving to death, come!” she said, gesturing for them to follow her into the dining room, which seemed to shrink each time America had a new child.

“At this rate, we’re going to need to eat all family meals outside or in a banquet hall,” James joked. America rolled his eyes.

“Banquet hall is a bit of an over-exaggeration, James. There’s only so much land left for me to turn into states,” America commented. New Hampshire let out a snort of amusement from behind him.

“You say that now, Dad, but you have no idea. What if you somehow get a bunch of land? Then you would have more land to make into siblings, and then we really will need a banquet hall,” New Hampshire dramatically declared. America just shook his head and rolled his eyes before taking a seat at the head of the table, Virginia to his right and Massachusetts sitting on the other side of the table.

America looked around the table, feeling pride well in his chest as he looked at all of his children sitting there: Virginia, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Maryland, Connecticut, Rhode Island and Providence Plantations, New Jersey, New York, Delaware, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, and Kentucky. 

He thought of the two children and brother who shared a body with him.

America couldn’t help but smile.

He couldn’t wait to see what the nineteenth century had in store for them.

[bro0klyn3]

Ok this is a short little thing to get me back into the flow of writing. It sucks ass.

TW: Cursing

New York yawned as she tried to crawl out of bed, trying not to knock her cat, Apple. She stretched out, and rolled out of bed.

"Neuken!" she yelped falling out of the loft bed, landing in a pile of clothes. She really had to clean those up.

The time was 3:45 am, her favorite time to be alive. Or dead. She really didn't care which one. Dragging herself to her makeup station, she took a seat. Apple leapt into her lap, curling into himself as New York pinned up her hair. First Primer, then Foundation, Concealer, and all these other random things she didn't care enough to remember.

--------------------------------------------------------

Her sword screeched as it was pulled out of its hilt. Her mama had always told her one thing, and one thing only. Men only there for the looks, so always have a knife on you. Or twenty. As New York unpinned her hair, she felt her long blue hair drape over her shoulders and with a grin on her face began to walk out.

[americas-orphanage]

How did the first thirteen colonies get there?

“Let’s see here…” America trailed off, shuffling through a pile of old looking papers.

•·················•·················•·················•·················•

Virginia: Both parents perished in Jamestown, unable to survive the incredibly new colony’s winter. New Hampshire: Abandoned by mother who didn’t want to be associated with a child born out of wedlock. Massachusetts: Mother accused of being a witch and executed. Father- who accused his lover of witchcraft in the first place— left him due to believing he was a witch’s son. Maryland: Lost parents in the Plundering Time to an unknown fate; got separated from them during the takeover of the capitol. Connecticut: Mother tragically passed away during birth. A couple years later, Connecticut’s father died in the Pequot War. Rhode Island: Fell sick and parents thought he wouldn’t live even a couple days after he was born, so they abandoned him in a woods near America’s house; not being able to bear the thought of seeing him dead. North & South Carolina: Uncle couldn’t afford to take care of his late sister’s two children, and unable to bring himself to separate them; left them at a home he knew would be able to keep them together and take care of them well. Delaware: Father left when Delaware was five to marry his mistress; mother, in her outrage, blamed Delaware for annoying him to the point where he wanted to leave. Continued to for years until she realized she was in the wrong. Instead of fessing up and making amends; she abandoned him, feeling as if she was irredeemable (mostly out of laziness tbh). New Jersey & New York: Grandparents frankly thought their grandkids were complete menaces to society and gave up on them deciding they didn’t want to be bothered. Pennsylvania: Was a (very) young apprentice of a blacksmith, but because of disagreements and quarrels with his mentor’s sons, they let him go. He couldn’t find another apprenticeship due to them either being full or not trusting him due to his old mentor bad-mouthing him. Realizing he doesn’t want to live on the streets, he looked for a new home and ran into America. Georgia: Parents both fell incredibly ill, and in their fear that their daughter might catch it, they sent her away. They intended it to be temporary, and that they’d pick her up when feeling better, but they both passed within a year.

[the-11th-idiot]

Neverrrrrrrr! I shall never be quiet.

"You say nothing of this to the other states."

[ask-nyc-boroughs]

Some Hudson Valley holidays that occur in May ft. my idiots. Just wanted to draw some costumes ngl 💀. Anyways I’ll give some explanation to each of the little Polaroids cause ik most of these holidays aren’t well known.

Just a drawing of Emma celebrating Pinkster. I haven’t drawn Emma in years lolllll & I don’t work on her much anymore, but I thought she’d partake in the festivities. In this region, Pinkster is a Pentecost celebration brought over by the Dutch, but became more associated with the traditions brought over by enslaved Africans especially as their enslavers would allow them to travel and see their families and celebrate during this time. European settlers also partook in these festivities as well, but it just became more associated as an African-American holiday within New York & New Jersey.

Elise & Jennie being nice for a moment and taking a photo together lol, they probs went back to bickering after this cause they have issues 💀. Jennie is there cause this is her state capital, Elise was probably just invited cause she’s Jennie’s sister and both were alive during the Dutch colonial area. But anyways this is supposed to be them at Albany’s Tulip Festival. Tulip Fest began about 76 years ago celebrating Albany & Nijmegen’s friendship especially as the citizens of Albany raised significant funds and sent much needed supplies to Nijmegen following the Second World War. Also many Dutch-Americans in this area can trace their ancestry back to Gelderland. The Anyways Tulip Festival is a celebration of that friendship, but also of Albany’s Dutch heritage. The particular costumes Elise & Jennie are wearing is associated with the street sweeping ceremony + these costumes were only introduced to Albany 76 years ago. These are new here. Actually Emma & Will’s costumes are older.

Ok just a little silly doodle of Lynn giving Will a kiss during Pinkster.

[countryhumans-trash]

York doodles :)))))))

[usa-manors-library]

You Are _____ The Father

(A/N: This is an answer to an ask on my ask blog, @ask-the-usa-manor , but it got pretty lengthy! I wouldn't say it's the best quality since I intended it to be a much shorter blog post and not a full length oneshot, but at least it's fun. Enjoy the crack. So much crack. A substantial amount of crack. A boogie woogie amount, if I may be so bold. But. No real crack. Don't do crack. Do water. Stay hydrated. <3

Ft... LIGHTHEARTED WRITING BY EVE!?! 😱🤯🔥🥣🦆***NOT CLICKBAIT***)

America sighed, content with his world as he picked up his bowl. It was a perfect afternoon. Life wasn't always this easy, but right now, everything felt perfect. The silence was golden, and this quiet peace was a rare escape. One that he normally didn't care for, as he didn't usually like to hear his busy mind. But for whatever reason; right now he was content with it, and he was grateful.

Sunbeams. Silence. Serenity. Soup.

"IT'S HERE!!!"

...South Dakota.

From where he was in the kitchen, America heard a series of crashing noises follow the distant announcement, trailed by a string of Virginia's indignant scoldings.

America cringed inwardly as he heard Dak wave her off with a quick 'sorry.' 

Bad move. He must be really high spirited about something if he's brushing off Ginny's annoyance. A peeved Virginia was a force to be reckoned with. Everyone knows that.

Especially me, America shuddered, perhaps a little too over dramatically as he returned to his lunch, Some days it feels like she's my parent, not the other way around...

He heard the scolding intensify.

...Welp, not my problem, He shrugged, Godspeed, Dak.

If it were anyone other than Ginny, he might've stepped in. However, believe it or not; he was a smart man. Deep down. Deep down. Very, very deep down. Wayyyyyyyy deep down, there was a little. Tiny spark of intelligence. Shocking, he knows.

Smart men didn't get under Virginia's skin. There are less painful ways to murder your soul.

While America shuddered at the thought, the nearby garden door swung open.

"Dad!"

"Don't care, eating soup," America shrugged, taking another spoonful, "Do whatever. Just don't die."

New York (that's odd, he's never in New Jersey's territory- er, 'the garden') kicked his shoes off, "Was that Dak who pulled into the driveway?"

"No, it's your other brother who has a shrine of bumper stickers to Badlands national park and an eerily accurate bobblehead of Mount Rushmore on his dashboard."

New York looked like he was about to shoot something back, but stopped short as a muffled chant started up;

"York, York, York, York."

America slowly lowered his soup. The chanting was getting louder. New York was... seemingly fine with it?

"York, York, YORK, YORK!"

America let out a shaky sigh, "Why is it getting closer?"

"YORK, YORK, YORK!"

"What's happening?"

New York just grinned.

"...Will it harm my soup?"

New York shrugged, "Probably not."

"Good," America turned his attention back to his beloved lunch, "Then I don't care."

"YORK!" South Dakota threw the kitchen door open, waving an envelope in the air. Virginia was right on his heels, still glaring daggers at him.

"Dak! Dak-man. Cadilldak. Dakbook," New York grinned.

America's eyebrows shot up. New York smiling at the sight of one of his brothers screeching at him while bursting into the room?

...Who's going to die?

"It's here!" South Dakota repeated triumphantly, handing New York the mail, "The paternity test's here!"

America almost choked on his food as he broke into a coughing fit. Virginia stared at him.

"Great!" NY cackled, snatching the envelope and blatantly ignoring his dying father, "So, have you heard from Connecticut? Is everything ready on his end?"

"Don't ask me, I'm just the guy you bribed into picking this up."

"Smartass," New York shook his head, "Alright. Let's go, Dad."

"Pardon?" America wheezed out, placing his soup on the counter.

"What? All those wars and you're going to let a soup take you out?"

America knows flipping off his own son is wrong.

But damn.

Does he want to.

"I have several questions," He started, uncertain if he really wanted to have that knowledge.

"And they'll be answered," New York assured, "If you come with us."

America paused and took a moment to process the situation. He looked to Virginia for help. She lingered for a moment, before shaking her head and walking away. Not her job, not her struggle.

Meanwhile, hesitation was the entirely wrong response.

"Dak," New York deadpanned.

South Dakota nodded, "On it, chief."

SD dashed forward and, to America's horror, grabbed the bowl of soup before swiftly returning to the opposite side of the room.

America gaped at him. After a long moment, he regained his voice;

"...Dak-"

South Dakota tilted the bowl ever so slightly, threatening to spill the bowl's contents. America froze.

"...You wouldn't," He said sharply, a look of devastation and disbelief in his eyes. Disbestation? Devastelief?

Dak stared right back at him, "Would I?"

"What is he paying you?" America bargained desperately, "I'll double it! Just hand me the soup."

"Sorry, Pops. New York's paying me in free entertainment. I doubt you could top it."

"This is how you repay me?" America hissed, the searing knife of betrayal at the hands of is own sons twisting into the gut, "After I fed you? Put clothes on your back? Raised you-?"

South Dakota tilted the bowl a little more, the soup right against the edge.

America immediately raised his hands in surrender. South Dakota and New York exchanged grins.

"...Alright, alright," He inhaled sharply, "You win this time. Where are we going?"

──────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────

Some days, America felt like his children were walking 'practice protection' ads. Very convincing 'practice protection' ads. This, was one of those days.

"When did you even...?" America glanced around, "...Get all of this?"

He was fairly certain he was on a stage, one decorated like a stereotypical talk show set. A vaguely familiar one, might he add. They must of modeled it after a real show.

A curtain was separating the stage from what he assumed was an audience. It worried him at first, before he picked out the voices and realized that they definitely belonged to his own kids. Then, it no longer worried him.

It terrified him.

South Dakota stood on the left wing, offstage and still holding America's soup hostage. He even put it in a prop cage he found in the back... America wondered if he could take legal action and put the 'sue' in soup.

"Well, we were originally expecting to use it for you," New York admitted, "Clearly, we still are, just... in a different way than anticipated."

New York motioned to one of the armchairs. America accepted the offer and sat down.

After a couple minutes, he closed his eyes. Maybe this is all a dream. Maybe he's still at home, with his leftover soup still in the fridge and ready to be reheated. Maybe-

Hearing three sets of new footsteps, America cracked his eyes open. 

Nope, not a dream, He determined, A nightmare.

"Blackmail?" America questioned the newcomer taking a seat across from him.

England looked severely annoyed as he huffed, "Scotland."

"Thought so," America nodded. He glanced at the other, "And you?"

"Fear of Wales," Britain answered lightly, "And your offspring."

"Which one?"

"That's a rather loaded question."

"Now then!" Connecticut clapped his hands together with a smile on his face, "We can get started."

The three countries present were incredibly unsure if the wanted that. They didn't even know what 'that' really is. Of course, nobody cares what they want. At the end of the day, they were outnumbered 3 to Lord knows how many.

"Yorkie," Connecticut held out his hand, "The results, please."

New York stared down Connecticut, making no move to hand him the envelope.

"I had him first," NY stated sharply, "I knew him before you. I get to be him."

"I had him last," Connecticut huffed, "I had the latest version of him."

"I had the classic."

"He wasn't born there."

"He wasn't born at your place either!"

America and Britain watched the argument like a tennis match, eyes darting back and forth between the two states.

South Dakota was recording the ordeal on his phone, which in hindsight was pretty useless considering California set up cameras for 'the aesthetic.'

England was trying his best to dissociate from the entire situation, glaring at the wall and wondering what different life choices he could've made to prevent any of this from even existing. 

"Fine then," New York grumbled, "If we want to stay on schedule... Where was Maury born?"

In an instant, the envelope was snatched from New York's hands. The two formerly arguing states stared in bewilderment at the man who slipped in under the radar.

Eyes glimmering, suit still on from work, District of Colombia beamed.

"...It's my time to shine."

Crickets.

This can't be real.

"...You said you weren't coming," Connecticut blinked, "You're always 'too busy' for this stuff."

DC shrugged, "A man's allowed to change his mind."

"So, you really want to host?" New York asked incredulously, looking DC up and down, "...You?"

"I can have fun too, dammit."

Connecticut and New York exchanged glances.

"...I mean," Connecticut conceded, "I don't see a problem with it." 

New York shrugged, "If there's one thing you've shown us through the decades, it's that sometimes your only gift is entertainment."

"Thank you," DC nodded curtly, "...Bi-"

"But," Connecticut cut in, "We're co-hosting."

"Sounds fine-"

"Don't even argue," New York interrupted, "We're older."

"I didn't-"

South Dakota checked his watch, "And we're on in three, two...!"

The stage curtains opened, revealing an audience mostly consisting of family members with nothing better to do today. Applause prompted by the blinking 'applause' sign eventually died down. It was relatively quiet, except for continued rapid clapping from...

America squinted, eyes still adjusting to the stage lights.

Iowa.

"Woo!" Iowa cheered. He leaned over to the seat right to him- Nebraska- and whispered, pointing to America, "I knew that guy in college, Neb."

"That's our father," Nebraska deadpanned, "You've known him since you were born."

A hand from the row behind them took advantage of the exchange and stole a clump of their popcorn unnoticed. Cayman Islands was now completely prepared for the dumpster fire of a show to start.

This caught Arkansas's eye, and he leaned over to the popcorn thief.

"What's your name again?"

"C-"

"AndcanIpleasehavesomeofyourpopcorn?"

"-ayman."

"Thanks!" Arkansas smiled brightly, taking a quarter of his cousin's spoils.

Cayman stared off into space. He has to stop falling for that crap one of these days.

"I'd applaud, but," Michigan shrugged apologetically as he stared at Britain, who offered him an awkward smile and tried not to make eye contact with his nephew's clear lack of right arm, "You know how it is."

"Hello ladies, gents!" Connecticut greeted, "All of you who don't deserve such respectable titles! Welcome to tonight's trash television episode, Are You the Father? to avoid copyright infringement! Thanks for coming out! Who's in the house tonight?"

"Well, Colorado's here, higher than the waist on DC's trousers, " New York jabbed, ignoring his the capitol's glare as a spotlight briefly shone on Colorado. Colorado simply threw a peace sign before the spotlight went to another person in the crowd, "England's dad Wessex is here, somehow still not dead. Great job, Gramps. Keep making England wish you were for the res of ust."

"Speaking of Wessex," DC added, "What a perfect way to Segway into business! Now, 1,096 year old England claims to be the father of 5,258 month old United States of America. But America's younger half-brother, Britain, has some doubts about the validity of his father's words."

"...I do?" Britain muttered to himself, confused.

"Yes! You do," Connecticut prompted, "Why is that, Britain?"

"Oh... Uh..."

For once in his life, Britain seemed reluctant to insult someone.

New York nudged him, "...You won't hear a peep from us for a month-"

In a flash, UK pounded the arm of his chair with his fist.

"F%^* THAT YANK," He bellowed, "THAT'S WHY."

A bleeping sound via Utah with a censorship button echoed from the stage speakers. He's not even supposed to be there, he volunteered 5 minutes before the show and when nobody answered him he made himself comfortable.

New York nodded his head, as if to say; 'Keep going.'

"...Well then," Britain continued, "He's a total piece of—"

Utah kept the bleeping up until it was all you heard when Britain opened his mouth. At this point, the country wasn't even swearing. He was just reading his grocery list aloud.

"@%*% +^%{%]* +#^]*^{^[+ *]+}+!|]!,¥\+[+@&/!" Britain finished, "If that wasn't bad enough, he's a TWO DOZEN EGGS—"

"Thank you, Britain. I think that's all Utah can handle for now. He gets physically sick when he has to censor someone," DC elaborated.

"I mean, just look at him," New York motioned to the offstage unnaturally pale Beehive State, "Frail Victorian child lookin' mother—"

Utah shot him a warning look. 

"—'s favorite child who we all appreciate. And who might need to hand the remote to Nevada before he passes out—"

"So. England," Connecticut moved on, "You're the only person here who currently knows if America's your real son, or if you just snatched him Russian-Empire-and-Finland style. Anything to say on that?"

"Thank you for giving me the final push I needed to decide that a restraining order's mandatory," England solemnly answered.

The three hosts exchanged glances. They really didn't have the legal team to handle this. At least they didn't think so, considering their legal team was Rhode Island with a baseball bat.

"America," DC immediately continued, looking at the third victim- Ehm, 'guest'- his father.

America's eyebrows climbed up as he slowly turned to face DC, "...What did you just call me?"

"Right, sorry," DC quickly backtracked, "Terribly unprofessional of me Mr. United States, sir."

"That's not what I..." America gave up halfway into his sentence and simply sighed, "...Never mind. When can I get my soup back?"

"How does it feel to possibly be fatherless?"

"When can I get my soup back?"

"Want to expand on your answer?"

"When can I get my soup back?"

"I see. How does that make you feel?"

"Hungry. When can I get my soup back?"

"Is that hunger for the truth about who your father is?"

America stared at him like he was an idiot. To be fair, we don't have the evidence to disprove that claim.

"It's hunger," He explained at a tortoise's pace, leaning forward in his chair, "For. Soup."

"Interesting."

"Chicken. Noodle."

"Ah," DC awkwardly nodded, "That's a good one."

"I ask. For so little."

America held eye contact with the capitol for an uncomfortably long amount of time without blinking.

NY leaned over to Connecticut.

"...I can't believe I'm saying this," He muttered, "But we may need to cut the musical number."

After a couple extra moments of watching the scene in front of him, Connecticut acquiesced.

"Cut the musical number," Connecticut approved, "This is only a pre-show, I doubt the audience would care. Get to the results before he starts crying."

"Which one?" New York huffed, "They both look pretty friggin' close to tears."

"Yes."

On the edge of them, really. Neither of them looked like they wanted to be in this situation, and District of Colombia came here willingly. 

"Washdistbia!" New York called over, "Stop trembling like a half-drowned kitten and wrap it up!"

Somehow, DC was able to drag himself out of the numbing paralyzation he found himself in and managed to look away from the haunting stare of America.

"Right," He answered shakily, "On to the results. In the case of 5,258 month old USA-"

"It's okay to say 438 years old, I can take it-"

"Englad, you are..."

Everyone watched in silence as he made an effort to open the letter.

It took him a solid three minutes.

It was a regular paper envelope.

"...Missing out on our new discounts! Get a brand NEW Ford F-150 for 30%-" DC blinked.

He read the paper. Then reread it. Then read it once more.

He glanced in the envelope again. Nope, nothing else. Just amazing deals for this autumn brought to yOU BY THE EVER AMERICAN [EAGLE SOUND] FREEDOM INFUSED-

Utterly lost, he looked to the others.

"...What the hell is this?" He asked, lifting up the 'results' in question.

A murmur of 'don't look at me's fell upon the stage and audience. Backstage, South Dakota cursed under his breath.

"I knew I should've asked them to stop mailing me my coupons," Dak sighed.

What.

"You get your junk mail from..." Connecticut took a deep breath, "The paternity testing lab?"

"Yeah," Dak admitted nonchalantly, "My grandma lives there."

America looked up hopefully, "Mom?"

"NO-"

Abruptly, the outro music started blasting. Without uttering a sound, England stood and walked away stage left. He hates you all. Especially Aili.

"...Well, that was... that," New York checked the time on his phone, "I'm going to take my seat and... pretend like I didn't just waste my afternoon."

It took America 0.5 seconds to practically hurl South Dakota out of his way so he could reclaim his soup. 

Britian rushed... away. Simply away. He is gone. He will not return. Everyone wave goodbye. Goodbye, Britain. He's free. Freedom. He's free. F r e e...

Ish.

"Goodnight everyone!" Connecticut bid with a wave, following the others off the stage, "Enjoy Florida on I Can't Believe It's Not Dr. Phil!"

──────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────

"...How'd you get my DNA, anyway?"

"You're a heavy sleeper after you cry. Pretty easy to get after Homeward Bound."

(A/N: I want soup.)

[ask-the-usa-manor]

Question to any &/or all of America's kids who are now/have been parents. How much, if at all, has your perspective on America changed now that you've experienced having a kid yourself.

“I mean— I love my kids and such, but—” New York turned to America, “How are you not dead?”

America smiled blankly, “I have no idea!”

“I personally think you died a long time ago. And he’s,” Illinois waved back to Florida, “Your eternal punishment.”

“I like to think you’re all my eternal punishment,” America shrugged, “Of sorts. :)”

[goldengay49]

I looked through the guy’s account and he has more content like this except it’s not WTTT related, it’s his own state human characters

I just remembered I was reading a wttt fanfic which starts in like the 60s ig and it was when California was a red state, and then in the 70s, when the tech industry came in, New York and Mass couldn’t believe a red state could be innovative, so they started manipulating him into being a liberal blue state but deep down he’s still a conservative and New York and Massachusetts are hurting him by forcing him into being a blue state

I CANT STOP LAUGHING AT THIS

ITS SUPPOSED TO BE AN EMOTIONAL STORY ABOUT CONSERVATIVE VALUES AND CALIFORNIA BEING FORCED INTO BEING LIBERAL

[xertel]

contributing to the statehumans content by posting an ungodly amount of ny and florida doodles

[weirdestbooks]

York and Jay (Wattpad | Ao3)

Requested by @theagenderyeehaw

“You’re a piece of shit, you know that?” New Jersey asked, stomping into the room he shared with Delaware and New York. New York looked up from his laptop and raised an eyebrow.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said, but the smirk on his face gave him away. Delaware, sensing the fight this would turn into, sighed and shut his book, standing up.

“Call me when you’re done,” he said before elbowing his way past New Jersey.

“You know exactly what you did! I can’t believe you!” New Jersey exclaimed before beginning to rant, his frustrations overwhelming him. New York sighed and put his laptop to the side.

“Okay, but it was funny, and no one was hurt. Also, it was Delly’s idea. He’s still upset about your reclaimed land thing and wanted me to remind you of ours,” New York said. New Jersey scowled.

“I should have never let him escape,” he groaned. New York laughed.

“You good with an arm over your shoulders?” he asked. When New Jersey nodded, New York threw an arm over his shoulder. “Listen, you’re my big brother, and that means I have to be annoying to you.”

“I’m less than a day older than you,” New Jersey deadpanned.

“Yeah, so as your baby brother, I’m allowed to do these things,” New York steamrolled on without flinching, “Besides, we didn’t actually do it to the Ellis Island buildings. It was just a bunch of old sheets.”

“Still, I fought for that land for a long time,” New Jersey said, shoving New York’s arm off him. He felt frustrated and angry but tried to keep a handle on his temper.

“And then you did the same thing to Del I did to you,” New York said, raising an eyebrow. New Jersey felt like he was being punished for something, but he didn’t know what. Why couldn’t anyone just say what they mean? Why did people have to be so vague?

“I…are you mad mad at me?” New Jersey asked, shrinking in on himself as the anger was replaced by a deep shame. He hated when he got like this when his emotions changed on a whim and never made any sense. New York’s face softened, and his large wings encircled them. They weren’t touching New Jersey but shielding him from the rest of the world.

“No. No, I’m not,” New York said, “This was just a joke meant to make fun of the fact that history is repeating itself and that even over two hundred years since our independence, we’re still fighting over our borders.”

The guilt squirming in New Jersey’s gut subsided a little.

“It was just a joke?” he asked, wanting to hear confirmation, proof that it was okay, that he was fine, a good brother.

“Yep! Just me and Delly meaning little shits. You’re okay, Jay-jay. You always have been,” New York said. New Jersey nodded, then relaxed into his brother's arms, feeling New York’s wings begin to hug him.

New Jersey smiled.

He was glad that his family still loved him.

[bro0klyn3]

You cannot tell me these 2 are not dating-

New York: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.

-----------------

California : We should be partners. New York: You mean like, partners in crime? California : Yeah... that’s precisely what I meant.

-----------------

New York: Go fuck yourself. California , smugly: Sure, but only if you watch

-----------------

New York: Stay foxy. California : Die lonely.

Bonus-

New York- Bitch what am I! A Fucking Roach!

[tkfluff-fanatic]

do u think texas statehumans would have new york on his dni. cz i do. n that’s rlly fuckin funny.

Why would you ask this on anon. Yes

[the-11th-idiot]

Mwahahahahahah I got a hug from New York

(The concerning anon)

Sush. Quiet you

[ask-nyc-boroughs]

busy as of late. this was a body hair / tattoo practice ft. Rodrigo/ the Bronx. Lol I wanted to give him these stereotypical Nuyorican and Irish-American tattoos that I see everywhere (cause he's both), and now I think lowkey imma keep it + the body hair.