#starting to become active again
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I’ve been having issues with this ‘it’s never too late to mask again’ rhetoric people have started using to try to get people to take covid precautions again because it’s a phrase that demands no accountability, no self reflection, no growth. Because unfortunately IT IS too late for MILLIONS of people who’ve been killed/disabled by covid and conditions triggered as a direct result of covid, and i think it’s disrespectful to those lives to allow people to just jump right back into pretending they care without acknowledging this enormous tragedy they actively participated in! Sorry but you don’t get to ignore a pandemic for 4 years and then wash your hands of the blood you helped spill through willful ignorance while claiming to care about social justice!
And it’s also aggravating because it’s SO OBVIOUS most of these people are only doing it because they’re afraid of how covid/bird flu/a trump health admin will personally affect THEM, not because they’ve evolved politically or actually care about their community. There’s no genuine solidarity with the disabled community, no self-reflection on their participation in eugenics and normalization of mass death/disability, no connecting the dots between disease mitigation (or lack thereof) and capitalism/imperialism/racism, etc. its just more individualism that ultimately does not help lead to collective liberation and will not prevent this from happening again.
#this is directed towards the ppl who call themselves activists/leftists but won’t do the right thing unless it becomes popular/cool to do#leftist#covid#pandemic#disability justice#activism#bird flu#h5n1#and these same ppl immediately start talking over other activists that have been talking abt it for the past 4 years#shut up and have some shame and LISTEN instead of following the compulsion to fan your ego!!#you don’t get a pat on the back for doing the most basic act of community care again when you dropped it as soon as it wasn’t mandated#politics#it’s also too late for me to forgive u or ever want to bond w u
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Aw
#cute#people#rednote#rambling#if ppl start to really navigate over to rednote I hope that black ppl specifically don’t become the butt of ppls racisms once again#it’ll be nice if it were like this#despite the loud majority and me not believing in solidarity#no race (besides wp) are a monolith and not everyone is full of hatefulness and nastiness#as minorities I wish we could all just get along but the klan gene that be activating in them usually takes over because of the influence#of white surpremacy and fascism 💔
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if I had a nickel for every time I was in a fandom and a child character had a breakdown and did something that accidentally hurt another character, and then the fandom all turned on the character and vilified them because they [the fandom] can’t understand that sometimes 14 year olds make mistakes when they’re going through something traumatic, I would have 2 nickels
not a lot but it really is weird it happened twice
#This is targeted at anyone who vilifies Gon from hxh or Homura from pmmm#”Gon was manipulative towards Killua and took advantage of him” shut up shut the fuck up#”Homura never actually cared about any of the other girls she only cared about Madoka” never touch the internet ever again you absolute idi#I’m sorry that some of you incells can’t understand moral complexity or that characters can’t always be 100% good all the time#they were kids#they were only 14#At the same time saying stuff like this is actively undermining both Gon and Homuras characters but also Killua and Madokas as well#Killua and Gons friendship was kinda toxic from the beginning. They were each others first ever friends#and they didn’t really know how to have any#Gon was literally having a mental breakdown confronting the person who killed the closest thing he had ever had to a father#can you really blame him for lashing out???#And Homura#don’t get me started on the amount of idiots in the pmmm fandom who think she’s evil because he did what she thought was best for Madoka#she heard Madoka say she was unhappy being a god and how lonely she was and she took action#if she didn’t care about the other girls then WHY DID THE CLARA DOLLA DRAG THEM INTO HER LABYRINTH???#WHY DID SHE MAKE SURE THEY WERE ALL HAPPY WHEN SHE REWROTE THE UNIVERSE??#she tried for years to save Madoka just to fail when she made her final wish to become a god#imagine how she felt when she realized she wasn’t happy with that outcome either#when she realized she was all alone#she just wanted for her to be happy.#i swear to god#if you think either Gon or Homura are evil you might as well just block me now#because I fully believe you should not be allowed internet access#rant#rant post#pmmm#madoka magica#homura akemi#puella magi madoka magica#madoka kamane
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You put sans jevil and spamton in a room who makes it out alive?
PS: spamton does get [[Power Of Neo]]
(My own reasoning in the tags)
#ask#undertale#sans#deltarune#jevil#spamton#poll#polls#I WAS just gonna respond with my own thoughts but I wanna know what y'all think#*cracks knuckles* okay SO#It would take a lot to get Sans to actively fight either of these guys to the death. Sans mainly operates by rule of funny#and his fight is only hard because he's decided that you should die over and over again in the hopes of getting you to give up#Jevil and Spamton meanwhile are very earnest and volatile. Jevil knows the world is a game and believes that nothing matters.#Spamton is desperate to ascend and become part of the real world. He will do anything. Absolutely anything.#Though it's because of that desperation that I think Spamton will lose first#This is mainly going by the fact that Spamton's fight (to me) is the easiest out of the three and the main appeal is the story you get#Rather than Jevil where the appeal is that it's weird and fun to play and Sans that it's ridiculously hard and hard-hitting (emotionally)#Sans would only start to fight Jevil out of reluctance and he wouldn't really care about winning and Jevil is just here to have violent fun#Which means that Jevil wins
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I’ve been really thinking of reopening my art shop soon… I’ve been taking some practice doodles (hence all the posting lately) while I shake off my rust and I’m finding things I enjoy working on again. I miss trying my hand at more dragons/OCs and colors. my shop’s so broken rn lmao but that’s a problem for a later date it’s just nice getting back into art
#my mental health is starting to improve a bit#took a couple years but I found some meds that finally work better for me#ofc things aren’t 100% but I was really in a pit for a while#like ‘did not leave my house in months and slept 14 hours a day’ kind of pit#so. any improvement is better lol. but nah I’ve been making real improvement and im doing better. a lil shaky sometimes but that’s expected#diagnosed with chronic fatigue too. which is unfortunate but not unexpected. i am indeed god’s sleepiest soldier#i feel like a raisin slowly rehydrating but considering i was in a desert before any hydration is welcome#just learning how to enjoy things again overall#one thing I just couldn’t get myself to do (and enjoy) was art. doodles here and there but nothing to post#and it’s kind of funny because I feel like that downtime actually gave me a chance to think about what I wanted to work on#even when I wasn’t actively practicing#just paying attention to things I guess. enjoying art styles#i genuinely think my experimenting with stained is helping me learn colors#i spend hours in the scryshop im glad it’s paying off lmao#i want to tackle bigger things but i just gotta ease myself into the hang of things again#for now im having fun and that’s coooool. thank you all for your nice comments#i read all tags while kicking my feet and giggling. thank u all#that’s the update on Me tho. more to come hopefully#starting next month/julyish I will have a significant amount of time to dedicate to drawing which i intend on doing#so who knooowwwsss#rambles#funny enough coloring has become my favorite part of the process now. it used to be lineart. now lineart annoys me LOL#i also feel like i kinda lost my ability to write which has been frustrating but im focusing on art first#anyways that’s a whole different tangent rant over
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Whatcha doin down there?
#follow for occasional cute cat pics#cats of tumblr#And please send good vibes to my floofer#just found out he's become hyperthyroid#I've started him on meds now so hopefully he will be a stuffed animal again soon#he is an old cat but he is still very active and happy and purry
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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Does anyone else get the feeling that at their core, all of mxtx's works are about cycles of abuses.
#idea dump#ramblings of a sleep deprived girl#heaven official's blessing#tian guan ci fu#scum villian self saving system#mao dao zu shi#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#mxtx#mo xiang tong xiu#cycle of abuse#I don't only mean the passing down of trauma#I also mean the abuses of an established corrupt system#that systematically hurts people that are less fortunate than those who actively benefit from it#to me this one is more prevalent in mdzs and why jin guangyao downfall is so upsetting to me#because he was coming close to breaking the cycle of abuse of both the system and of his family#but unfortunately it was his past actions in service of perpetuating it that doomed him#if he had realized a lot sooner that his father was not worth it#and started pursuing his own interests from the beginning instead of his father's approval he could have changed everything for the better#not to mention that unlike his father he actually treats his spouse with respect and doesn't intentionally hurt her#emphasis on the 'intentional' part (if you know you know)#just like Jin Guangyao became the new wei wuxian Nie Huaisang became the new Jin Guangyao#so i'm of the firm belief that since the system is still in place the cycle will repeat again#and Nie Huaisang will replace Wei Wuxian as someone else becomes his Jin Guangyao#sorry for this long ass essay in the tags lol#it's 3am so I'll probably do the other two another time#also let it be known that I'm only running on spoilers/fanfictions/wiki when it comes to svsss and mdzs#so if anyone bothers to read my essay tags be free to correct anything if I get something wrong#side note why wasn't mdzs about breaking cycles???#why didn't yanli become sect leader. Jiang cheng remain coreless. or Jin Zixuan marry into the Jiangs to show worth outside the norms#you can be a strong woman without being cruel. cultivation doesn't equal worth. and powerful women are beautiful and should be respected
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Reading shit comics kind of sucks but at least I get the satisfaction of proving my own point w this
#like damn if i really was 100% right about this before i even knew what i was talking about#anyways one of the many many problems with new 52 wonder woman is the fact that diana isnt religious enough#also that azzarello and chiang are incapable of imagining a feminist utopia which is the original genre that wonder woman comics were based#in in the same way that batman for example is connected to the noir genre. and the mythological aspects of the og wonder woman comics were#in fact a common framing aspect of the feminist utopia genre of the progressive era (with many of the deeper greek mythology aspects being#established as the foremost ww genre later on)#anyways this failure to understand this layering of genres in the ww mythology i believe is the principle contributor of why this run which#is popular with many and has such a footprint in other more mainstream media is hated by so many longtime wonder woman fans in that it not#only neglects but actively goes against key parts of her premise#a comparison could be made to a superman run that is heavily based in science fiction and exploring deep sci fi genre plots without any#understanding by the creators of why it matters that superman is champion of the oppressed and disrespecting that core part of him by in#some ways making him actually go against that in service of the high sci fi genre plots and conflict#and then ofc to translate better in this reality this run would function like a can of worms in that while dc in comics would eventually#course correct back to the base version the public opinion would become divided and especially adaptations would need all the canon changes#from that run torn viciously out of their hands bc they refuse to LET IT GO#anyways yeah teehee i swore to someone id never read it but i needed it for fic research purposes unfortunately so i started it. only read 6#issues but meh. first one wasnt terrible tbh id read worse but after that i got much more unhappy#anyways they simply dont understand why people like the amazons or why people should like the amazons. which again is like half the freaking#point bc like. feminist utopia genre. but i digress#its bad but its bad in a way that proves me right about why its bad so at least theres that#someday when i post my rebirth ww fic ill post the analysis of nu52 ww and the comparison to the beat movement/ginsberg that ive got in my#drafts. finally get that A in comic book literary analysis#blah
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the only thing that’s gonna keep me from killing my self when the school year starts is the outsiders musical awaiting me
(excuse the rant in the tags 😭)
#cw sui joke#im like half kidding#dumbass is taking college physics and college history and honors trig and honors english in the same year#along with choir sculpting drawing and gym#also college spanish#i’m taking my seal of biliteracy test this year too#and i’m doing this with no lunch or periods off#i think im doing it to prove im better than my brother#that sounds twisted#i guess overworking myself will keep me occupied though?#it’ll be worth it when i have an easy senior year (i won’t im gonna overwork myself again next year)#i still haven’t done my summer hw#oops#butbyeah i’m gonna become a lot less active come september mb#anyway a114 gonna be awaiting for my burnt out ass#i might actually have a mental breakdown at the show#i’m being serious like idk why i do this to myself#oh and i have to start looking at colleges#woohoo#im being serious idk if im gonna make it to senior year lmfao#well see#(i’ll make it dw)#everything is a joke i swear#anyway#i’m alright guys dw
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so, as for why I vanished off the face of the earth...genshin took over my life and I've been busy with pharmacy school but heyyy I graduated this year!
#pharmacy school made it very hard for me to draw consistently#but now that I graduated I hope I can become active on here again...starting by drawing my favorite dead Link 😁#I'll probably post some of my genshin art in the meantime?#leelee speaks
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Thinks about arms outstretched and has to lie facedown on the ground for nine hours again
#taz#taz: balance#it’s NARRATIVELY PERFECT#like yes they hella ignored the mechanics to make it happen but on the pure improvisational level#it’s absolutely fucking NUTS to me what they pulled off in that moment#because in that moment ALL THREE OF THEM set aside their personal fears and self-doubts for the sake of their friends#Magnus who always wanted to go out in a blaze of glory#who has just lost even his revenge quest#fights so DESPERATELY HARD to STAY ALIVE and relies on his friends to rescue him#Taako ‘good out here’ Taaco who throws HIS WHOLE SOUL OUT OF HIS BODY#despite being on the verge of death already he leaves himself utterly defenseless to throw himself into danger for magnus’s sake#merle who has ALWAYS doubted his place in the group and is actively losing his powers#doesn’t hesitate and doesn’t question his own competence#instead he plants himself and becomes the root that anchors them and brings them home#and because right after this they reunite with Barry and start getting the reveals about the voidfish#this is functionally the climax and culmination of their arc as a trio#they found each other and learned to trust each other again and they became friends who would do anything for each other#even without their memories!!!! they did that!!!!!!!!#what happens after then gets to build onto and around that relationship#so that the finale gives us the trio whose bond has been deepened and multiplied by stolen century#but they’re still THEM. still the trio we have grown to know and love throughout the whole podcast#bc they have something unshakeable with or without their memories#ARMS OUTSTRETCHED IS A NARRATIVELY PERFECT MOMENT AND I AM NEVER FUCKING OVER IT
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soo many of my ocs.. and like All my beloved ones.. are people who just desperately want to live a quiet, peaceful life with their loved ones. but forces outside of their control keep making that impossible for them, and they aren't able to keep going through the situations against them without having to hurt and push themselves too far but still keep Choosing to be good and do good things because it is just what you should do
this says nothing in particular about me, i am sure.
#ocs#danica from a very young age has a demon in her eye... then when he is older his mother figure he lives with is kidnapped#and he has to claw through to find her again and keep using the power of his eyeball demon friend even though#every use is slowly killing him.#ashasiara...... all she wants is a nice life and she is saved from dying by a god then made to be the second of her clan#and then gets infected with the blight while her best friend dies and has to join an army against her will just to not become a darkspawn#and THEN the whole army gets betrayed and she has to single handedly take this all on alone and build and army at fucking age 24#and then she is Done and cant even rest and stay running off with her friends bc the wardens drag her back#and she goes in and out of trying to soft leave the order and failing until she comes to the inquisiton and starts tutoring the kid herald#and then gets like a solid decade of time with her husband to just Exist like she always wanted before she dies an early death.#and the whole time she is a blood mage and actively has to sacrifice her own blood to beat back the odds against her AND has to deal#with demons trying to snatch her body every night when shes asleep.#bud has chronic pain and health issues from his godhood. that he only has bc he was Trying to save his town. and he desperately#Does Not want it. so he runs and avoids it and gives his power to someone else (which he then has to get back bc oops she sucks and also#every time she uses it he is in awful pain and blisters) and tries to ignore it for literally 1000+ years. until he cant anymore#until he comes across someone else affected by the same thing that he starts to care about too much and wants to fix it for him#and the someone else is sterling whos only want is to experience life in its whole but was trapped and isolated in the sky#and now that he is on the ground is in constant health issue city but he is so in love with everything#and would stay here forever but the threat of the god. the mother figure that made him is looming the entire time unable to be shaken#astrias does actually start with the exact goal of Wanting ro be famous and Known and beloved by everyone she sees#but as she starts to make actual connections with so many people for the first time in her life that starts to change.#she goes from a cocky girl wanting to be a beloved hero to someone who actually ends up being a hero from a genuine act without care of#recognition. and then she gets it. she gets what she always wanted and rejects it to go live and bake with her wife and sit on the porch#koralynne (the wife) who is just in the position of being a mercenary because she desperately needs money#because she Wants to be bard. a performer. but every chance st that shes ever had was ripped away#so she tries to do it herself. then finds that the more she uses her magic the faster her energy drains. the harder is it to Exist.#to even play music. to think. and she has to change her entire direction and how she does everything. but she still keeps going#not alone. she has astrias and destiny and atlas.#lin who fails at the one thing she was literally made to do. whos body wages a war against her for turning against its stages purpose#but she makes it work for her anyway. bevause she finds people she loves that love her and she doesnt want to let it go
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i think that viewing the little hope relationships as just ‘family’ ( specifically : blood family, ones with traditional roles and relationships, one bred from a nuclear familial structure ) has a habit of dismissing them entirely. it is not blood that binds them together, nor is it family structures, and throughout every iteration of their lives things change. sometimes they’re merely neighbors with a slim portion of blood relation, sometimes they’re bound by flimsy paper or war, and sometimes they’re students at a college following their professor around. the nature of their relationships change, as do their circumstances and surroundings, but they ( as a mismatched unit ) are eternally bound and divided by a child and an inherent, unescapable tragedy. the important aspect of their relationships is that they are agonized individuals who are stuck together and wouldn’t like to be. the important theme between them is that despite their determined suffering, all the bad ways they clash, and in spite of a bubbling self loathing so awful that it literally kills them, they have found love and comfort in each other anyway, or perhaps have realized a love that has always been there. there’s no ‘i love you as a daughter’ between angela and taylor, just as much as there isn’t any ‘i love you as a sibling’ between dennis and tanya. they just love each other. even the clarke family, arguably the most familial bond they have, still isn’t traditional. none of them are blood and all of them are strangers inside their own home. they don’t look alike and they don’t share dna and they typically don’t care for the facade of a family either, more content to treat each other like roommates at best, and that’s fascinating because why would they care? why would standard labels matter to souls as ancient as theirs? it’s just another flesh they adorn, it’s just another pain they’ll carry and shape and hate. idk! i just think forcing titles on it all is rather boring in nature, and actively hinders the genuine relationships there, in an attempt to have a rulebook of sorts to follow. i also just loathe how the found family trope is constantly turned into a literal family, when it was made to spit in the face of a nuclear family structure. but that’s just me <3
#my posts.#if you believe in the reincarnation theory than HOW can you only view the relationships through a family lense#in two out of three of the timelines we see — they are not family!! not all of them anyway.#they put on different titles but their bonds remain the same.#all the masks in the world cant change their instinctive feelings for each other. good AND bad!#there is a lot of ‘you cannot hide from yourself’ in lh and i do think that’s important#they are always themselves. no matter what time period they’re from or how they’re raised or how different they now are. etc#so viewing things as like ‘oh they’re father/son’ doesnt do much for me#joseph and abraham start out as equals and close friends despite their age difference. and you see that friendship between john and andrew!#at least more than a typical parent-child dynamic#daniel and taylor are lovers and it’s heavily implied their feelings for each other have always been intense and more romantic in nature#despite their original label as siblings#so on so forth. john and angela being married in past lives is sweet but it never becomes their main reason for caring about each other#angela ( even at the end of things ) still mocks the idea of being married to john and actively doesn’t care for it.#but that doesn’t negate her love for him — romantic and otherwise!#again idk!! little hope has some of the best relationships ive ever seen and i think its because of this aspect#at their core they’re soulmates in horror. which is a better way to view them as opposed to family imo#the group entirely is far from traditional and i love it!!! i love a love and pain that transcends time plot#and lh actively does it so well …#i could say more on this but im a bit hungover and stuff alas ugh#but. idk! in my eyes they are NOT a nuclear family lol. not even the clarkes were one#their characters and relationships are so profound BECAUSE they are stripped of labels in my eyes. they are all an exposed nerve of a thing
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i was resting very sneetly all break and to a degree was looking forward to classes but oh my godddd today was so bad i feel like im already at like, pre-burnout levels i get to at the end of the year and the semester literally hasn’t even fucking started yet. i’m so fucked
#delete later#its so joever#if you see me suddenly start becoming super active on tumblr again assume i dropped out
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Reblog this if I'm allowed to send you random stuff in ur inbox !! (Mutuals only please)
#trying to beat depression n become more social again !!#mutuals feel free to send me asks as well !! i might not always respond but ill try my best !;#(please only send me memes/random stuff if were mutuals !!}#might still go inactive sometimes tho since ill probably have moments where ill start feeling depressed and/or anxious again</3#pleae interact with me/be my friend i am a lonely man#benefits of letting me send you stuff in ur inbox: youll get memes wips/doodles/unreleased art n occasionally evil activities in ur inbox
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