#starting to accept im not just lazy but in fact may be sick

[guinevereslancelot]

starting to think all of my symptoms are not separate unrelated symptoms but possibly are all related and even caused by the same condition.. 🤨

[uhh-materialgworl]

Ur leona content is *chef kiss* 😳 Sooo may i req another leona content w/ gn!s/o (im a sucker for him)? I need more of this lion gets jelly omg... It can be hcs/scenario, leona's reaction to his s/o's ex is bothering s/o (through chat, treatment, gifts, even physical touch, etc) 'cause the ex wants to go back with s/o SO BAD 👀 The ex even saying, "That lion boy can't make u happy, u r happier w/ me, im better than him," OH. OK. I hope this's ok for u CZ U CAN SKIP THIS IF U FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE OMG 😌👌

I think my favoritism is showing...

Me? Jealous? Never.

“Mmh...no, don’t leave.” Leona protested, tightening his arms around Y/n’s body and tail around their leg.

“Nooo~” Y/n groaned. “I’ll fall asleep again and I can’t miss any more classes. Come on Leo, let me go!”

“Hm... don’t want to.” Leona closed his eyes and buried his face in Y/n’s neck. Y/n stopped fighting and tried to turn their head to look at Leona.

“You’re usually not like this. Did anything happen?”

Leona shook his head. Y/n knew their boyfriend though. If something had happened, he would keep it to himself. So, with one last sigh, Y/n accepted their fate and held Leona’s hand as they drifted to sleep once more.

----

“Tch. How annoying.” Leona destroyed the neatly wrapped gift and read the letter that was attached to it.

“Dear Y/n, I know I was the one who broke up with you but please take me back! I never realized how important you were until you were gone. I miss your sweet voice, your wonderful body. I miss cuddling, taking walks, cooking together and everything else we used to do. Please, I promise I’ll make it up to you. I’ll buy whatever you want, take you wherever you want, and do whatever you want! Just please, come back.”

Something fell out of the envelope.

“And leave that stupid oversized cat. You don’t need him when you have someone so much better waiting for you.”

Leona growled at that. Of course his herbivore would never leave him, but the fact that someone else, Y/n’s shitty ex, thought that he could take Y/n from him that easily made him mad. Maybe he was lazy sometimes and didn’t exactly treat Y/n the way they deserved to be treated, but he always tried to make it up to them eventually.

Storming back to Savanaclaw, one thought replayed in his mind over and over again.

“What if they realize I’m not good enough?”

----

Things like that had kept happening for the last 2 weeks and Leona was sick of it. He was sick of walking to Ramshackle to spend the morning with his herbivore only to have his mood ruined by a gift, a letter, or anything else that was left by the idiot that Y/n once called a boyfriend. He tried to ignore it, but Y/n’s ex decided to start messing with Leona and he was fed up. He had no clue what the bastard looked like, but just he wait till he finds him. Y/n’s ex would regret the day he was born.

Despite this, Leona did his daily routine. Walk to ramshackle, destroy whatever was on Y/n’s doorstep, and head inside to sleep with them for 2 hours until school started. However, Y/n was not there to greet him like they usually were. That was fine, maybe they were still sleeping. Leona walked further into the dorm only to be stopped when he heard Y/n giggling.

“Oh my god, this is so cute! It looks just like you, just without the fire!”

“Shut up human, I look nothin’ like that!” Grim argued.

Leona walked to where they were and stared at the object in the herbivore’s hands. It was a small seemingly handmade plushie of Grim. On the table there seemed to be an open envelope and a letter on the side.

Oh no.

“Hey Leo! Sorry I wasn’t there to greet you. I just had to stop and admire the gift you left me! It’s so cute, and you even took the time to write a letter? I haven’t read it yet but I’m sure it’ll be sweet. However,” Y/n paused. “I don’t think there is anything important coming up. Or maybe there is, and I just forgot...but I don’t think that is the case. What’s the occasion, Leo?”

This caused Leona to freeze up.

How was he supposed to tell them that it wasn’t him who left the gift for them? They seemed so happy, and their eyes seemed to shine more than usual...he couldn’t help but feel upset and slightly jealous. They hadn’t acted like this in a few weeks, butbthen again, he hadn’t gifted them anything in the last month or so.

“Oh! There’s a- oh...” Y/n glanced up at Leona, now understanding why he looked upset.

“Honestly it wasn’t even that cute. The eyes look-”

“No, it’s fine. Let’s just go sleep.” Leona walked straight to their room, ignoring Y/n who was calling after him.

This kind of behavior seemed to continue for the rest of the morning until they had to part ways.

Y/n tried to give Leona a kiss on the cheek like they usually did, but all he did was ignore them and tell them that he’d see them later. Obviously, that later never happened as when they went to look for him at lunch, he wasn’t in any of the places in which he would normally wait for them.

Just as Y/n was about to call Leona, they got a text from an unknown number.

“You look so fucking good today. I love the way your eyes lit up when you saw the gift I had left at your window. Did you read my letter? Now you know how I truly feel about you. I miss you so much Y/n, please! Come back! I’ll do anything you want. I’ll get you whatever you desire, just please...come back.”

Y/n stared at their phone, puzzled. What the fuck had they just read? They hadn’t gotten the chance to read the letter because Grim had burned it, but now they have an idea of what was in the letter. Y/n would have to stop to buy Grim some tuna later, that would be their way of saying ‘thank you’ for saving them from reading a cringe letter that talked about why Ex/n was better than Leona.

Y/n laughed and started typing. "Bro what the fuck? Didn’t I just tell you yesterday to leave me alone? How many times will I have to go over this????”

Y/n couldn’t help but smile as they explained to Ex/n the many ways they would end him if he kept bothering them. However, from Leona’s point of view, it didn’t seem that way. To Leona it seemed like they were smiling (and was that a hint of blush?) as they texted someone. It didn’t take long for Leona to assume who it was and let out a growl, which caused Y/n to drop their phone.

“L-Leona? Are you here? I was just about to loo-”

“Don’t fucking lie to me.” Leona growled. “I just saw you smiling at your phone while texting someone. Don’t lie to me because it was clear you couldn’t have cared less about where the fuck I was!”

Y/n was taken aback by how angry Leona looked. His eyes were wide, his tail sweeping from side to side, his usual smug smirk now replaced by a frown. Though he didn’t say it, it was clear he was hurt by the “betrayal” of his lover.

Y/n’s eyes softened, and they took a step towards Leona. “I was going to call you, but then I was interrupted by ex/n telling me that he wanted me back.”

“And... and what did you say?” Leona hesitated, afraid of what could have been Y/n’s response.

“I said no, of course. Did you think I would leave you? Why would I ever leave you?”

“...”

Y/n sighed fondly and walked to their boyfriend who seemed to have calmed down. “I told you that you wouldn’t be getting rid of me that easily. The only reason I could ever part with you is if I were to die, but you won’t allow that to happen anytime soon, right?”

Leona nodded and pulled them into a hug. “I’m sorry, I just...never mind. Let’s just go to my room, I’m exhausted.”

“No, none of that 'never mind,' you’re not inferior to anybody. You are perfect the way you are and I could never leave you for someone else. You are the best thing that has happened to me and I’m not going to let you be upset.” Y/n dragged Leona out of the botanical garden. “So, we’re just going to spend the rest of the day in ramshackle. I got Ruggie to get your favorite food and Grim should be setting up a game of chess.” They glanced at the floating flowers who seemed to squeak at having been caught.

-----

“No! Grim, put that down! I told you it’s mine!” Y/n threw a pillow at Grim who seemed to dodge it with ease. “Bad cat! Put that down! Leave my food alone!” Y/n tried to push Leona off their lap, but he only held on tighter. “Babe, please get off! Grim is about to eat my fries!” Y/n pleaded but Leona did not seem to budge.

“I love it when you beg like that. It’s almost enough to convince me, but not quite enough. Now sit still. I’m not letting you go anytime soon.” Leona once again closed his eyes, now feeling at peace after being reassured by Y/n that they wouldn’t leave him. And by the fact that Ruggie was taking care of the problem as they spoke (Y/n did not have to know that though).

“I think I’ve already made it up to you for making you jealous, no?” Y/n started playing with his hair again, something that he had quickly grown to like. However, what they had said seemed to startle Leona.

“Me? Jealous? Tch, of course not. But...” Leona confirmed that Grim had left to bother Ruggie before letting his hand slide up Y/n’s thigh. “I can show you just how jealous I can get. I’ll make sure that for tonight and the rest of the week, you will know and scream nothing but my name, not whatever that bastard is called.”

[floralkittygambler]

Reposting for reasons

Response to Honest’s post here: Doing this to spread this awareness more as I know theres a bit of a rift in the critical community - plus I really fucking go on. Im PISSED and I do apologise however it NEEDS urgent addressing. I know people will hate me for it but Im used to hate and honestly? Hating rather than helping to solve the issue only furthers my fucking point here. So yeah this is so more people are aware (no offense to any of those involved in said rift either, but this is an important message. Thank you for understanding and if I can do anything to make all sides comfortable, then please message me and I’ll do my upmost.) �� More awareness of this is needed. Even if it’s your favourite, you can’t justify their shit but rally against another’s shit. Have people tell you you’re experiences arent real or invalid because, like Husk, people have - in real life - shipped you with someone you are far from comfortable with but you still treat them like a person. Because you have basic respect. And people force you to accept harassment, touching, stalking, advances for THEIR satisfaction. People use you for their fantasies. But you’re just a ‘tsundere’ for it. Or you have addiction issues but people think being with another addict will ‘save’ you because you’re apparently too incompetent to save yourself. Love isnt some magic fuckin cure so stop romanticising it as a fuckin saviour. It’s gross and fuckin creepy. Get stalked and have someone NEVER accept your no just because you show youre still decent enough to not treat them shitty or any different from anyone else. Try having someone way older or way younger (both in morally fucked up ways) advance on you and people encourage that. People you’re supposed to feel safe around.

People touch you when you pull away or show discomfort. Follow you home. Have pictures of you and wont accept you dont like them like that and it’s not ‘playing hard to get’ or ‘the thrill of the chase’. Fuck. OFF. In fact, Im not only disappointed in the fandom. Im disappointed in the entire team who some should know better from their OWN personal experiences - or at least the bare minimal of being a fucking adult. Im disappointed in especially females (sorry idk whether girl or woman is more appropriate here-) who statistically are more likely to have experienced something similar at some point in their lives think this is a cute gay moment. No. Angel is made out as a fucking predator - Im not saying he is, Im saying that his persistence is very fucking unwelcome like one. People like Husk dont need that fucking invasiveness. They/We need patience and someone on our level. Angel’s I know are the fuckin polar opposite - and some of them I know are very sexually harassing, including unwanted touching. It’s a shitty way to present gay people. Gays are fuckin people. Some are cunts and some arent. It’s a HUMAN thing. But considering the shit theyve been subjected to, presenting a gay as a victim only to also show them as a perpetrator is insulting! And for those Ive seen argue this about how people like AD wouldnt know how to express their love normally and whatnot? His pig. His best friend. He’s in his fucking 30s. There are literal real life criminals who get molested as kids and then go on to molest kids. Not all who grow up like that turn into nonces. Stop just fucking STOP justifying and romanticising this bullshit! I used to see the good in AD but now he makes me fucking sick. Especially with my verrrrrry fucking real traumas and connections. But fuck me, eh? Because this fictional guy matters so much more. Fuck real victims. And whilst we’re at it, fuck AD too when it suits your fetishes! Sarcasm aside, the fans and the team need to straighten up their abhorrent behaviour. Stolas. Fucking clearly having an affair, knowingly fucking up his daughter’s mental health and bribing a guy into sex who only wants the book and nothing more. He even has a fucking warning button over Stolas- Guys, how do you think any of this is cute? Even the team gross me out- I genuinely see potential and talent and it’s all gone to shit to satisfy horny teens, horny adults, and literally everyone who doesnt for the life of them understand being an adult is more than sex, drugs, violence and swears! I REALLY want to keep enjoying HB/HH but it’s getting harder and harder with such ignorant and bordering lazy creators (note: lazy as in wont do the fucking research or actually listen to real criticism and victims), such despicable fans (yeah, some HDers fuckin mocked that they triggered my ED, yet they had the fucking NERVE to support Angel’s potential ED AND laugh and blame me for me getting treated so badly for actually having the balls to call Angel and the teams hypocrisy. I got told to kill myself, that my problems arent real - oh but Angels apparently is! Which... They *are* but AD isnt real so technically only onlookers will suffer and not a drawing  - and they just excused their toxic behaviours. These people are like “aww poor angie babey!” yet fuckin INSULT sex workers. All this red in Hazbin yet it feels everyone and they mama colour blind. The issues are getting worse and fans are outright becoming EVIL, VILE, Vindictive little bullies - from kids to adults. You SHOULD be ashamed of yourself if you conduct yourself in such a manner. And you need to readjust your attitudes and behaviours because the only fuckers getting hurt are actual fucking victims. Ever been violated and been gaslit so much you STILL fucking question it’s reality? So you drown that shit out yet somehow it’s effects still hit you? Fetishise it. Make it your uwu gae couple goals, you’re no better than people believing Harley and the Joker werent toxic af. If this shit happened to you, most of you would actually SEE where we’re all coming from. Also, stop making gay a fetish - you’re like those creepy old men in the alley heckling lesbians to make out so they can wank off. Gays, no ALL the LGBT+ are fucking people too. So dont give me that bullshit then start turning everything just gay or just straight to mentally wank off to. It’s degrading and dehumanising. And yes, fiction does effect reality. You crush on a fictional character? Mourn one? Support one? Hell, fuckin jerk off to one - that’s affecting reality. Remember how in fiction all blacks were treated as villians? Look how theyre treated IRL. JAWS, great classic unfortunately their was a spike in shark killings over a fucking movie - the shark in the movie wasnt even real for the most part because they dont behave like that! (Also the animatronic was so shit they genuinely had so many issues - I think they even took to naming each one! Some fun trivia there!). Tiger sharks are more nasty than great whites as tiger sharks will hunt and eat a human. Great whites prefer seals and dislike human flesh, they just mistake us for seals. Hell, theres the toothless basking shark - theyre often SWAM WITH by divers for being so friendly. Yet Jaws made people think all sharks are bloodlusting over humans. Slenderman was created for a fucking contest and that influenced a stabbing (NOT Victor’s fault). Watch a horror movie that isnt based on a real life event and tell me that at least ONE has left you peaking over your shoulder. Stella may be a bitch - we dont know for certain - but try getting cheated on. Y’know what? Try growing up in such a broken home like Octavia. Yeah reaaaaaal fucking cute now, huh? Funny how as well y’all petition for male victims to be taken seriously then laugh when fictional males experience this abuse, further adding to stigma. You can be hit on by the hottest mf on the planet but if you arent interested, that should be respected! Also we’ve all been inspired by at least one fictional character so yeah. Yknow, since I was little Ive been fighting for sex worker and homeless rights. But HH/HB treatment of both leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I’ll still fully support sex workers and the homeless, but that’s the fucking effect this show is having. Bearing in mind I wont ever share everything Ive been through - and I shouldnt fucking have to in order to be believed and validated (obvs proof is required in a legal case but that’s a whole other topic). Why should I share MY fucking pain especially when you fuckers have belittled and triggered it more so? We have our rights to our secrets but fuck ME you lot NEED to start acting appropriately and like decent fucking humans. ‘iTs HeLl’ yeah and welcome to Earth- the team and yourselves live HERE. You obide by THESE rules. And as someone with beliefs (and a LOT of ancient fucking texts and studies on this shit) their Hell isnt even a proper Hell! It’s closer to purgatory and even then it’s not. Regardless, it’s a poorly built world with the lore consistently changing per episode and tweet, with many plot holes, and is apparently easy to get into - even via accidentally watching porn according to a stream. If youre gonna parade youre a fucking expert and research into demonology and use real believed figures, at least get THAT right. In fact, Lucifer and Lilith (and Stolas tbf) are ESPECIALLY risky as theyre a lot more complex than most easy access texts will tell you. Likewise, Stolas’s first introduction and main focus is sex. He’s one of the FEW Goetia demons that dont have some involvement in relationship issues at ALL. He’s known for astrology, crystals and herbs but hes also known to aid MONEY troubles (it’s lesser known but it’s true! HB Stolas is an insult to the Prince). Turning Vodou into something evil is vile considering it’s powerful and liberated slaves. Pentagrams are nothing to do with Satan, they’re magic based sigils. Upside down cross is the symbol of a SAINT. It’s just some edgy attempt to trick people into believing they know more than they do. Also you should NEVER dabble and doodle sigils without knowing the meanings or respecting what they behold. Vox and Val, real fuckin cute way to make them look like a stupid fucking highschool drama instead of a fucking SEX TRAFFICKER (note: real pimps often target YOUNG folks too - aka minors - and groom them into sex work. Theres different types of pimp. Viv has shown barely any understanding of ‘the game’ and its a fucking insult to injury. Yes we KNOW what a fucking pimp and prozzie are! We dont need to see it. We need REAL AWARENESS.) and a fucking scheming bastard of a CEO salesman botman. And yet even THEN lets go a step further and make some yandere wuv on boyfweind aboose! Fuck off- Now I love a good anime but these tropes are getting fucking dangerous now. And unrealistic to real love and relationships. Kids nowadays know fuck all on a healthy relationship (neither did the fuckin 50s tbf) and Im seeing more romaticism and glorifying abusive situations. Like the show ‘You’. Ok, there’s a fuckin bloke online who slaughtered innocents and kidnapped yet people commented how cute he is on his IG and that they want to be kidnapped or killed by him next. Dont believe me? Look up Peter Manfredonia Connecticut and the comments people left him and then tell me why shit like whats being presented in HH/HB ISNT fucking concerning - because it is. For a series about redemption, it’s brilliant at the opposite (Quote from the creator herself, Viv has posted that it’s influencing her bad choices. Even as a joke, proof’s in the pudding). And the overall focus on sex in the way Viv does is so immature and really creepy, and this is from an ADULTS perspective. From one adult to another, Im concerned as to why any of them think this is a normal fixation. Then again they’ve hired quite a large amount of dodgy folks and even a child. Most of this shit gets avoided with a basic background check like most companies run. I DO like Hazbin. Or the premise. I love some of the cast and spite the others. In Helluva, I just like a tiny portion of the cast. And I critique it so harshly because Viv DOES need a wakeup slap, grounding to reality, people who arent going to big her up or kiss her arse for once and shape her up to be the best she can be. The actually reach and even surpass her potential. And to reach where you need to be, there’s a lot of harsh lessons youll face. That’s life. Shes chosen one of the most HEARTLESS industries and if she blocks out critique as ‘hate’ then she’s not strong enough and wont last. It’s just another unprepped YanDev again (except I dont believe Viv to be a nonce. Even with her dodgy past and dodgy present, I think her perspective on sex and relationship with sexuality is FAR from healthy BUT I dont believe she’s a pedophile. Ive bled my fair share and so far, I just think her sex perspective isnt healthy or mature for her age. But there’s little to nothing to suggest actual noncery - dont worry about accusations there. But YanDev is totally a dirty predator. Just clearing that up). Viv NEEDS some harshness and stability if she wants to do things right. And it’ll make her fucking cry but if she loves these projects as much as she claims to, then you’ll sacrifice blood, sweat and tears for that shit. Even the strongest points are mediocre at best when properly observed. She CAN do more, but she’ll have to face the harsh music. Viv wont see this, but if she does, I dont care if it upsets her. Why? Because this is that much of an issue - something she’s cultivated - that she needs to take action and not ignore it or be secretive about it. She needs to grow up and get tougher skin. Im not saying this to cause her pain. In fact, I wouldnt waste my fucking limited time if I DIDNT care. Trust me, I have duties to be met at a certain quota every single day. I say this shit only because I give a shit and care. If we met, she’d fucking hate me. But people like me are good for shaping people up to their potential. And we arent always this ‘tough love’ either. But when someone needs that level of harshness to help themselves, we’re not afraid to lose people or cause upset if the results end up being the best for them. If she ever saw this, she needs to re fucking evaluate her message, her story, and those she’s choosing to welcome into her circle. And all Im seeing is one rookie mistake after the other. Her paid patreon discord. Just like the messages Honest has posted on her side of being harassed (not in Vivs fyi), Ive experienced shit and bullying and even stay silent on their for being attacked for a group I fuckin paid to be in and yet I feel isolated. It’s all arsekissing and ‘thank you viv’ (thats an actual channel-) and it feels like a place of borderline worship and people trying to appease her 24/7 whilst kicking others with different opinions down. There’s so many I love but I aint kissin yer fuckin arse. Ask the closest friend I have - we’re fucking raw and wont just side with each other just because. We’ll call each other out if we think they’ve fucked up and then help each other build themselves up better. Because real fuckin people who actually care wont just want to be adored by you. They’ll care enough to point out your bullshit and help you, even if they upset you at the time. They’re real and upfront with you. People like us arent always the easiest to be close to either because we arent afraid of upsetting someone if it’s in their best interest and to help them. Likewise, we dont go out looking for fights either. Most times, we’re fuckin soft bastards- All this shit listed is the fuckin surface level of the real life hell of this fandom. And unsurprisingly, those who experience little to no toxicity have always been higher on that popularity ‘food chain’ - enough admirers and shared opinions that people wanna arse kiss regardless of their OWN feelings as well as neutral perspectives. I’d say you’re the lucky fans, but you’re not. You’re sheltered, and that isnt always the best way to be sadly. As for the fans. If Ive upset you. Well... I dont care. Because many of you have actively sought me out and weaponised my traumas against me. You never cared about my feelings then. Why should I care about yours? Im not doing this out of malice. Im fed up of humans behaving so pathetically yet claiming to be high and mighty. Most of you have been arseholes to those in and out of the community. The victims and non-victims alike. Hardly any of you considered once my real suffering. You put a drawing over a life. Many lives. You had the audacity to tell me Im full of shit. Some even using my real traumas to make a mockery of me and those Im around with a very similar history. Some with traumatic histories that differ from my own. You hardly ever considered the real lives of those effected. So no, Im not sorry for having the fucking balls to this day to still stand up for our rights and give us a voice that’s long been stolen. Im not sorry for being a fucking victim. Im not sorry for saying what desperately NEEDS voicing. And Im not sorry for not conforming to you or any fandom just to belong. We deserve better than to constantly be your fuckin arse monkeys (well... the trope is butt monkey but yknow-) and to be mistreated, misrepresented and harmed by you. You’re no different to the school bullies who give speeches on anti-bullying day. And I hope every single one of you starts looking into yourselves and improving. PS: Depending on the texts you read, Lucifer is said to have been redeemed or to be redeemed. Fun fact to haunt yalls with~ “

[surejo]

( victoria pedretti, cis woman ) hey ! have you seen JOSEPHINE “JO” CORMAC around ? SHE works at the HOT COCOA STAND at big bear resort, but they must be off their shift by now. well, if you do see them can you let me know ? they’re 24 years old & they’ve been working here for TWO YEARS. they tend to be +OPTIMISTIC & +EMPATHETIC, but can also be -IMPRACTICAL & -PASSIVE. the other employees have labeled them THE IDEALIST. thanks a lot ! ( the few nights the stars can be seen, books worn down by dog-ears and marks left throughout the years, the first crisp breeze of autumn, the duality… of t.s. eliot ) 

OK. a few notes before i get started:

1) i hope everyone loves how i literally j copied my ivan stuff. url format? ‘sure jan’ lives on. theme? too lazy to find a different one that’s easy to work with. luv that for me. 2) speaking of this theme i forget if i addressed this on ivan’s blog but tabbed bullets don’t appear tabbed.... so if anything seems like it doesn’t make total sense.... it is supposed to be tabbed™. 3) get ready for drama!!!!! you may ask yourself “but the app looks so tame! there will be no drama!” but you are wrong........ because she loves cats. the t.s. eliot book......... the musical........ even the movie.

ok jo,, is also a resurrected character,,, hence how i already kno,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, that she loves cats. anyway ! let’s begin ! (listen,,,, the intro format will at least be a little different from ivan’s ok im evolving)

QUICK FACTS:

full name: josephine “jo” rose cormac

date of birth: march 6, 1995

*does not perfectly reflect the below big three zodiac chart because that’s too much math

zodiac big three: pisces sun, gemini moon, cancer rising

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: bisexual ( preference for women bc we luv that for her but we also luv leaving things open to chemistry )

education: bachelor in english - literature that she is doing nothing with

enneagram: 2w1

mbti: infp

various inspirations: eleanor crain ( the haunting of hill house ), dolores price *as a child and towards the end of the book ( she’s come undone ), fox 8 ( fox 8: a story ), “why try to change me now?” - fiona apple (cover), “be still” - the killers

BACKGROUND INFO:

triggers: verbal/mental/emotional abuse/gaslighting, very slight implication of spousal abuse, brief mention of car accident/death & drowning

( ivan and jo’s breakout pop-punk single: “fuck happy backstories!” stream it on spotify ! )

jo......... was born into the wrong family, let’s get that out of the way.

it was pretty clear she was a ploy to save the marriage of her parents ( who have names: lucy and benjamin, luv that for them ). it didn’t seem like they’d ever picked up a parenting book, gone to a parenting class, rly prepped for being a parent at all...... in their entire lives.

that being said, her mom was actually decent at parenting. her major flaw, though? ok, so you know how kids usually have that one bedtime story that they love and want it to be read to them over and over? well lucy complied ! but y’all wanna know what that book was ?

t.s. eliot’s “old possum’s book of practical cats” whfeiuldjkn

anyway ! when jo was seven, after many failed attempts and simple threats, her mom was finally divorcing benjamin for realz. due to his volatile nature, it was becoming very clear that she was the more fit parent and she almost got sole custody ( the only reason benjamin was motivated for it in the first place was the power so?? )! how exciting!

but the keyword is ‘almost’!

alexa, play ‘my heart will go on’ but the off-tune flute version

just as the proceedings were going through, jo’s mother was hit by a drunk driver on new year’s eve. the car skidded onto some ice, minimal damage done... then the ice broke.

jo and benjamin both devolved after that. jo withdrew more into herself and pretty much coped by..... just reading old possum’s a LOT (hate that for her). all mopey, benjamin became much less outwardly violent. the keyword is ‘outwardly.’

ya, instead of j bein like “i will just chill” he was like “i will just make my rage more subtle because in this house, we love intimidation, manipulation, hostility, the blame game, and gaslighting! uwu” managed to convince jo that her mother’s death was somehow her fault, that he was the only person she could trust, that she will never be able to live without someone else, etc., etc.

a few years in and a cycle of many impromptu sleepovers began. luv that for her. hate that for her, but luv that for her. 

there is a lot i cld talk abt here, but it all seems like it cld j be tl;dr’d as: “basically became the surrogate daughter of a bunch of other people”

as for things that r not tragique™, jo was v much a drifter when it came to friends. managed to make a fair amount bc she does not seem like she will put a tadpole in ur hand like ivan. also j a people-pleaser but that’s starting to get into her personality which is another section.

did go to college. luv that for her. has NO CLUE what she’s going to do with her degree, but she can make some really sick niche william faulkner jokes. 

began seasonally working at big bear during the winter break of her last year in college because bitch needed some money!! wound up loving it and was like “i think,,,, i will continue to do this,,,, the people here,,,, r cul,,,,”

still visits benjamin every once in a while. not a way to say that uwu you should forgive ur abusive parent(s) uwu rather that jo.... still has slight belief in him. just to end on something emo.

THE REST IS HISTORY!!!!

TL;DR:

started life out as a saddie, not a baddie. still not a baddie, but no longer as much of a saddie. loves “cats” and there is no irony to that statement. can make good niche literary jokes, but that’s about it.

PERSONALITY/MISCELLANEOUS INFO:

a child. a literal child. a child to the point that she should have supervision when she goes on grocery trips because she falls for marketing ploys so easily. can’t believe she hasn’t fallen into a pyramid scheme yet.

an absolute dumbass. again, can make some great niche william faulkner jokes, but ask her the order of the planets? “...well mars is somewhere in there.”

unironically LOVES cats - both the musical and movie. thinks jennifer hudson’s grizabella is the best. will start sharing random facts about it or old possum’s book of practical cats if she runs out of things to talk about but feels pressured to keep talking. was broken when she first read a different t.s. eliot poem and realized he was actually super dark. the only thing that got her through it was a comparison to batman :\ bruce wayne is old possum’s, batman is everything else.

to take a brief break from fun personality facts, v down on herself bc benjamin’s words rly!! stuck with her!! convinced she is an absolute idiot and does not trust her own memory. v indecisive bc of this and always longs for someone to help her figure things out. tries to distance herself from memories of her mother because, again, benjamin got to her. her love of cats doesn’t help that, but... can you believe that’s her coping mechanism? makes up for it by giving all of her love 2 everyone else!! we love tragedy!! and needing to go to therapy!!

secretly knows her love of cats is weird and dumb. a part of her knows why it’s considered one of the worst musicals ever. but LISTEN. we luv rly weird coping mechanisms!

big dreamer. will develop the most impractical goals. she usually knows they are impractical, but still..... uwu

has decided everyone is good until proven bad! except for,,,, like,,, murderers and rapists,,,,

is #StraightEdge for the most part,,,, literally has a drink maybe three times per year

says “like” a whole lot for someone who majored in english with a concentration in literature and should therefore be more eloquent.

i am not great at these sections!! feel free 2 j refer to her zodiac, personality tests, and character influences!!

literally fox 8. i put the others there bc she’s similar but wow,,,, if u read fox 8 (it’s a short story i recommend it i luv george saunders u can find a pdf online),,,, she is fox 8. 

here u go here is a sample that doesnt need context: "Fox 4 woslike: No ofense, Fox 8? Your ideas are not super praktikal. Dreem, dreem, dreem, said Fox 11. Fox 41 woslike: Fox 8, does this honestly never get old for you?"

OH ALSO. she has a slet. a cat,,,,, named asparagus,,,, whom she calls “gus”,,,,, and y’all know WHY.

recent development: has downloaded tor so she can get on the dark web. why? because she thinks there will be more funny animal videos on there. is shockingly good at navigating it.

CONNECTION IDEAS:

close friends bc we luv that –– roman (nuanced), aylie (nuanced), hazel (nuanced), cleo (nuanced), vic (nuanced), marco (nuanced)

childhood friends whom she possibly had impromptu sleepovers with bc that is v soft and,,,,, y’all i left the city blank for a reason. –– hazel, marco, 

on that note, the person who was like “wait,,,,,,, u know that book was turned into a musical right,,,,,, like,,,,, a musical literally everyone knows” and shook jo’s world

good influence / bad influence –– cleo, vic, 

~*confidant*~

roommate

exes –– ian,

reciprocated pining

unreciprocated pining

someone..... who has accepted..... that she likes cats.... in a way that is not ironic. will see the movie with her. –– aylie, 

an enemy,,,,,, aka this person was like “cats is literally the worst thing in the entire world” and now they r on jo’s very short hit list –– riley

idk!!! im also obvs up for brainstorming!!! luv that!!!

** descriptive connections page is here ( only people who i’m messaging are on it, but i ?? would love to plot w everyone ?? so don’t make the short list make u think i’m trying 2 limit it 2 these ppl auhfoeidla )

LIKE THIS OR HMU TO PLOT !

[horansqueen]

BabyGirl 3.0

NOTES:

♥ this is based on a concept i received a few weeks ago and ppl asked that i made a story with it. ♥ i planned 3-4 long parts but i think it’ll be 8-10 short parts ♥ 3.2k. fluff. ♥ there may be smut but i doubt it and IF it happens it wont be as explicit as my other smut works. ♥ i didn’t proofread and if you read my stuff you know i never do because im a lazy ass. ♥ thank you so so much for all the notes and feedback for the previous chapters! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!! i hope you enjoy this chapter! ♥ if you have any questions please dont hesitate. ♥ read part 1 HERE and part 2 HERE

                                  3.0  ♥ APOLOGY & CULPABILITY ♥

HIM

I was pissed. Pissed at myself for not even noticing that Louis was bringing me into a trap. I like to think i'm good to guess people and their character, but through the years, I realized I was not as competent as I thought. Still, being played and betrayed by my very best friend was humiliating and incredily hurtful. I glanced at him and noticed guilt written all over his face, but it wasn't enough to take the feeling of betrayal running inside me.

"Wow, hey, it's been a while."

She glanced at Louis too and I breathed in before nodding.

"Yea, 4 years," I just pointed out, slipping my hands in my pockets, trying to find a way to escape this incredibly awkward and almost intolerable situation.

Could I pretend to get a call? Or a text message? Then run outside and call a cab? Was there any way for me to just run to the airport and fly as far away from here as I could? Even on the other side or the world I knew I couldn't feel better. It was too late. I had seen her again and I couldn't take my eyes off of hers.

She got older. I could see her hair were dyed but it was still pretty much the same shade of brown it always was, and I wondered why she'd do such a thing for so little change. Her dress was plain but pretty and she gained a little weight. For some reason, she seemed to glow in a way I couldn't explain.

"5." she corrected me. "It's been 5 years."

I was surprised when her eyes left mine to glance behind me but I kept looking at her. Perhaps, she still had that effect on me, but i didn't have the same effect on her. We used to be a bit obsessed with each other, and we could stare at each other for longer than most people would find acceptable.

My heart felt heavy, like stuck in a vice and someone was twisting it slowly, as if to make the pain less bearable and my death longer to come. I wanted to run away, yet my legs wouldn't move, i was stuck here indefinitely, forced to look into the eyes of the only girl i loved without being able to touch her.

"That long..." I nodded, as if I didn't know the exact date of the last time i saw her.

She nodded too and sent me a shy smile as I twisted the fabric of the inside of my pockets hard enough to feel my muscles tense.

"Louis... didn't tell me..."

She nodded quicker this time and glanced behind me again, where I only guessed Louis had gone, leaving both of us in a situation we didn't want to be in.

"Yea, no, he didn't tell me either." she chuckled, clearly uncomfortable. "Surprise, I guess."

We remained silent for a while and I started swaying gently on my toes. She finally closed her eyes and sighed, running her fingers in her long hair and somehow, it made my heart twitch.

"Look, Niall, I know it's late for this, but i'm so sorry."

I frowned but she kept talking.

"That fight was all on me, it was ridiculous, I shouldn't have insisted." she explained. "I'm so sorry for how things ended, Niall, I-I didn't want this."

Her apology hurt my heart and without thinking, I moved closer and grabbed her arms. The contact of my skin against hers was life changing, like electricity ran all over my body... like I was high on a drug I had never tried before. I knew she felt it too and she held her breath. My face was so close to hers I had to swallow and my lips parted but it took me a few seconds to talk.

"No, you really don't have to apologize, it was my fault, not yours." I whispered. "All mine."

From up close, I could smell her. She still used the same perfume as she always did, and it made memories invade my head. I remember the first time we met and how cold it was outside... and how bad I had wanted to kiss her. It made me realized I wanted it just as bad now, maybe more.

It felt wrong to be in her personal space and let go of her, feelings my palms burn again even if I wasn't touching her anymore. I took a step back and cleared my throat, forcing myself to look down.

"I'm surprised you're wearing a dress." I finally pointed out, trying to change the mood. "You look great, really."

She sent me an other smile, one that seemed slightly more sincere this time.

"Thank you, but you know me. If I could, i'd be here in my sweatpants." she pointed out, making me smile more. "The dress wasn't my idea."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise, relieved that we seemed to have a light conversation after being a bit emotional.

"Who's idea was it, then?"

She didn't have time to answer, I saw a tiny little girl run between us and wrap her arms around her thighs. I heard her laugh and looked up at her, but she was only looking at the kid.

"Mommy! Look!"

With an enthusiast face, the kid moved one of her arms up to show a doll who was already missing a shoe. I had a hard time to mend the pieces of what exactly was happening here but I watched her crouch down to discuss with the little girl. They hugged and she ran back to where she came from as my heart started beating harder in my chest. She had a kid and she was probably taken. I always suspected she had found someone else very quickly after we were over, but knowing it for sure hurt more than I thought it would. It was ridiculous, it's not like what we once had could ever come back. There was so much pain still left, so many things untold and unknown... this small encounter would only make things worse and I was scared that after today, even If i never saw her again, I would be even more scarred than I already was.

"That's your daughter?"

She nodded and her lips curled into a fond smile I had never seen on her. I held my breath a few seconds, trying to calm the thumps of my heart against my chest without much success. I've always enjoyed seeing her happy and it made me realize how bad I missed her laugh. Not a chuckle, or a giggle. A real laugh, the kind that echos on the wall and always seemed to reach my heart.

"So, you're married." I just pointed out, clearing my throat." How old is she?"

She raised her nose up in a grimace and chuckled, shaking her head from left to right. The sight made me smile despite myself and I stuck my hands in my pockets again, trying to restrain the need I suddenly had to be closer to her once more.

"No, I'm a single mom." she explained before her smile fell. "She's... she's four years and a half."

I couldn't explain how good it felt to hear she wasn't married, and I sort of felt bad for liking it. That's why it took me a while for the other fact to actually sink in. My lips fell and my eyes got bigger. Something stirred inside me, making me suddenly nauseous and I had to swallow the lump in my throat.

"She's four years and a half..." I repeated.

Even though it was clearly not a question, I watched her as she nodded slowly, suddenly extremely serious.

"She's gonna turn five in a few months."

I pressed my hand on my mouth and held my breath, bending down slowly as i felt myself tear up. This couldn't be real. This was not happening. I had a daughter and I wasn't even aware of it, and all that seemed to flash in my mind was the fact that I didn't see her when she was born or when she walked for the first time. I wasn't there when she said her first word, and that for her, I was a total stranger. Did she even know she has a dad? A dad that would have loved her and cared for her if only he had known she existed?

"You..."

I couldn't talk, I was incredibly hurt and so many thoughts were running in my mind that I wasn't sure I could handle any at the moment.

"I am so so sorry, Niall."

I didn't want to hear her apologies, and I didn't want to hear her excuses. I just wanted to lock myself somewhere to get my thoughts and mind back into place. My vision became blurry after a few seconds and that's exactly when my daughter came back. Just thinking about those two simple words made my heart threaten to jump out of my chest.

"Mommy! Freddie broke my doll!"

It hit me so hard that it felt like someone was twisting a knife in my already open wound.

"Louis knew..."

Her head raised up at my words and her eyes opened wide as she was trying to fix the doll in her hands. Her expression betrayed her and I felt like someone had stabbed me in the stomach for a second time in the past 6 minutes.

Everything seemed to make sense suddenly. The reason why Louis would never talk about her or bring her up was obvious now. He couldn't or he would always risk to let out her secret. Lying to me was also not something he enjoyed and I guess he thought omitting something was not as bad as lying. But it was.

I closed my eyes and breathed in, trying to stop or at least calm the anger and hurt boiling inside me, but I couldn't help the feeling of loneliness flooding my body and mind. I felt sick and alone, and somehow, it felt like my ex girlfriend and my best friend had conspired in my back for the past five years.

Nothing could ever change that. Nothing could make that right. Nothing except maybe the love I already felt for a daughter I didn't even know.

HER

I knew that someday, i'd have to explain to my daughter what happened with her father, but i never thought it would happen so soon. I was slightly mad at Louis for literally pushing me into this meeting and forcing me to come face to face with Niall, but also with my own lies. I didn't understand why he did it. He could have done it years ago, why now?

I tried to push Louis out of my thoughts to focus on Niall, clearly as uncomfortable as I was, standing in front of me. I didn't remember the last time I felt so nervous and speechless, but having him so close after so long brought back memories and feelings I had tried to bury and ignore for years, and I wasn't sure I actually liked it.

He looked good, even better than in my memories, and even if I had tried to avoid him, his career and his music in the last years, looking at him after all this time still felt like home. Maybe the fact that I had a little child constantly reminding me of him helped keep the flame alive but it didn't matter. Niall was here and close, and the love I knew I had for him, even if i wouldn't admit before that it wasn't dead, was now burning my whole body and heart, threatening to leave only ashes. I'd be ready to give him my heart again even if the outcome would probably be as worse as the first time.

I felt the need to apologize for my behavior, but whenever I pronounced his name, my heart jumped in my chest. I felt like I hadn't heard it or said it outloud in so long it almost hurt to do it, but at the same time, it came so naturally and left a sweet after taste on my tongue.

A bunch of memories of when I would whimper his name rushed to my brain and made my heart jump. I could swear my cheeks turned a soft shade of red and I could try to blame it on the wine, but the thoughts made my whole body throb and my inside twist.

I always thought I had made the right choice to leave and let him live his life the way he deserved to. However, when he bent over slightly and seemed on the verge of tears, I felt incredibly guilty and bad for hiding it for so long. I could see the dimmed lights of the room make his eyes glisten and It really made me want to take him in my arms. I knew it wouldn't be a good idea so I just gave her doll back to my daughter and remained motionless, waiting for Niall to have an other reaction. Any would be good. He could even yell at me for what I had done, I wouldn't blame him. Instead. He shook his head and turned around to watch my daughter run back to the tree and he stared at her as she started playing with Freddie again.

"Louis has always known." he whispered, making me swallow an other lump of guilt with difficulty, before turning back to me. "He knew and he never told me."

"I made him promise not to tell you." I explained in a low tone, scared that my voice would crack. "I forced him. It's my fault."

It hit me that at some point, I was an important person in his life, and Louis was too. Niall had just realized that two of the persons he cared the most about had betrayed him, keeping a big and heavy secret from him, and I could understand it was hard to accept. I didn't even dare to hope he would ever forgive me.

I moved closer, placing my hand softly on his arm but he moved away and shook his head, rubbing his hand on his face for a while. He let out a few curse words and turned around, gripping his own hair and pulling on it. I shouldn't, but I felt endeared by the way he reacted, or perhaps it was simply from seeing some of his habits I was so used to see, yet had missed more than I thought.

"What's her name?" he finally asked after a few minutes, turning to me and diving his gaze into mine for a few seconds.

He looked sad and hurt and I did everything I could not to cry in front of him. For some reason, I felt like I didn't have the right to. He looked down and I swallowed again.

"Chelsea."

His head moved up roughly and he frowned. I knew he had a question burning his lips but he didn't ask. He just stared at me some more and breathed in, biting the inside of his cheek. I had never wished I could read his mind more than I did at that exact moment.

"Does she know about me?"

"She knows of you, but she doesn't know who you are."

Once again, he turned around on his heels slowly and moved back to face me, his hand holding the back of his neck. He stared at me and I couldn't hold all the tears anymore. I blinked and let a few fall down my cheeks without daring to wipe them off.

"When did you plan to tell me about her? When she'd insist more? When she'd be 18? Never?"

I didn't want to answer, and he guessed the truth because of my silence.

"Alright, never then." he said shaking his head.

I could feel he was getting angrier by the minute, but all I could focus on was the pain I heard in his voice every time his mouth would open. I would give anything to reassure him, but I knew that no matter what I did or said, it wouldn't make things better.

"I'm sorry, Niall." I whispered, making his face twist.

"Stop saying that." he almost begged before sighing extremely loud and leaving.

I watched him until he passed the door to go back to the cold weather without his coat and I shivered. I stared at the door for a few seconds until I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I didn't have to look, I knew it was Louis, and at this point, I was way past being mad at him for setting this up. Plus, I knew he'd have it tough with Niall, he didn't need me to make things even worse.

"Why did you do that, Lou?"

My voice was weak and I felt numb as his hand slipped on my arm gently. I swallowed and closed my eyes again. I couldn't explain to Niall why I kept him away. Back then, it seemed so obvious and legitimate but now, the aspects and reality I didn't want to see five years ago were right in front of me, and didn't seem to make any sense anymore.

"Because both of you were miserable. Because I felt like he deserved to know Chelsea. Because I felt like an impostor and a bad person for knowing his daughter and spending time with her when he didn't even know she existed." he explained low and slowly. "Because deep down, I'm sure you wanted him to know."

I remained silent and avoided his eyes again. All I could do was stare at the door in hope to see Niall walk back inside. Did I want Niall to know?

"It was not my place, or my choice to make, and I'm sorry." he added. "It was none of my business and I normally don't do that. I was wrong. But I can't say I regret it."

He was right, I knew he was, but admitting that was admitting I had failed. It was admitting that I was wrong and that I deprived Niall from so many memories and time with his daughter. I brought my hand to my mouth and did my best not to start sobbing.

"I'm not mad at you, Louis." I whispered, scared that i would start crying again if i talked louder. "I just hope he can forgive me one day."

"I hope he can forgive me too."

We remained silent for a while and Louis left for about a minute, bringing me back a full glass of wine that I swallowed a bit too quickly. It felt like we waited forever but I think my heart stopped completely when the door opened again. I held my breath, feeling my heart jump once against at Niall sight, and waited until he was back in front of me, He waited until Louis had left, without even sending him a glance.

His face was impassive and I licked my lips, suddenly nervous. His simple presence made my heartbeats accelerate and if you mixed that with the guilt I felt, it was even worse. I felt like I was going to hyperventilate or pass out.

"I want to see her. I want to spend time with her. I want her to know who I am." he just let out. "And you don't have the right to refuse. Not after what you did to me."

I waited a few seconds after he was done talking and nodded gently, still staring at him.

"Of course you can see her and tell her who you are, Niall." I expressed, feeling on the verge of tears again. "I'm never gonna stop you from seeing her. You're her father, and you'll always be."

[overbakedone]

1

this is the first time i've ever started writing my thoughts and feelings anywhere before. this is not easy.

instead of writing things and then deleting it all because its not good enough or it sounds stupid i'm just going to write it now and stop backspacing. i guess i should start with where i am in life right now so there is some perspective.

im 25, im a bakers apprentice, i live with my parents, i have a girlfriend, lets call her ‘C’ who for the first time feels right to me despite everything, i barely have any friends, they don't ever want to see me, i don't have much time in my life right now, i work all night and struggle to fit sleep into my schedule. but things are really the best they have ever been for me. i just started an AFL 9′s competition, weird i usually have no confidence going into these things and will either quit after the first practice or not even show up, i really kinda enjoyed it and am excited for next week.

i've wanted to start writing anything for a few months now, i guess now i have some time. time is so fucked up, i wish there was more of it, i wish i could sleep without wasting my day, i wish i didn't have to compromise sleep for everything but i do, i guess its part of being a baker, its a job i am loving and i think i've found my life passion but it has its ups and downs. my partner C expects a lot of my time i guess, she can be very needy at times, demanding almost, sometimes i feel pressured by her to sacrifice my sleep, personal plans and hobbies and interests for her, but i know what she feels, she wants the same thing i do. she has problems making friends, or keeping friends, she feels isolated and alone, and she wants my companionship, and i want that too and despite anything i feel in the moment i always feel happy about her at the end of the day.

i should be grateful for the relationship i am in right now, i really should be grateful for a lot of stuff, my parents for allowing me to stay here still, being so supportive and also allowing and accepting of me and really tolerant of the shit i do. ok so i do smoke week every day right so that's already something to do at home that's difficult, i'm pretty sure they know and don't care or even agree that my life has been better since i started smoking, fuck i used to be on antidepressants, i took one every day at a certain time, it made me feel a bit better, ok sounds just like smoking right, expect when i didn't take this pill i got nausea, headaches, severe episodes of depression, i couldn't eat my appetite was so fucked up i was eating one meal a day and it was like a piece of bread or takeaway food. since the smoking started i've found some actual passion in life, i don't feel like a useless number anymore i guess.

one of the things on my mind always is my friends, since i was in highschool i havent really had a group of friends, i feel like i am a social person but then when it comes to it i feel like i just get burned. a lot of my old friends turned out to be secretly hating me and not wanting me around, some sort of pity friendship, i was an asshole in my time and honestly was not a good friend myself, do you pay for the dumb shit you do as a teenager, the people you fuck over go from your life completely yet new people you meet do the same things to you like they know. i had/have a long term best friend, J, we had been mates for years, we worked at my old job dominoes together for a bit, and kinda hung out a few times, but not until we got into PC gaming together did we form a bond. after that we would chat every day, play games together, watch the footy together, go places even though he lived across the city from me. one thing that changed massively in my life was i quit drinking alcohol, and then i felt like all my friends both disagree with my choice and resent me for it, like for some reason i have to take the same drugs they are taking at that time to be their friends. so J has just grown more and more distant, i get that we are older now, we both have partners, jobs that take a lot of our time, but then when we hang out or talk he seems disinterested, more interested with his friends that i introduced him to (from our discord server) and has seemingly replaced me, none of these guys i really like at all, in fact the only one of the new group i like is the one girl in it because she actually has interesting things to say.

fuck that was a paragraph, i guess i should talk about alcohol.

alcohol has fucked up my life, i cant repair the mistakes and stupid things i did while drinking alcohol, so they are there, i guess its just talking about it left. to start off, when i drink alcohol i have a hard time finding my limit, i feel like i swing from nothing to completely blacked out, puking, sobbing and basically hating myself very quick, i feel sick for days after drinking, barely able to eat, leave bed, move, i feel so nauseous and tired, its so fucked up what it does to your body, but oh your mind is even worse. i've broken off relationships, cheated, threatened people, gotten into fights, brawls, got my arm broken, hurt myself repeatedly, gotten arrested and a criminal record that may prevent me from going to canada next year, and is currently delaying booking flights, ive missed work, shown up drunk same clothes no shower to work, but the main thing that alcohol does to me is makes me sad. alcohol makes me so fucking sad, it makes me reach into the deepest pits i can think of and brings out all the emotions that are in there, my ex being the main one. every time i used to drink id think of her, call her, text her, go on her facebook, look up her instagram her twitter, fuck it drive my car to her house to see if her cars there like that does anything or means anything just fucking alcohol is so stupid. i never want to feel like that again, i never want to sabotage my life, sabotage and self destruct my relationships, but i guess losing my friends is the thing i have to take in consideration. australia is a fucked up place, where drinking heavily is the social norm and if you don't get fucked up or even have a beer with mates you're a loser.

i just want a deep connection with my friends. when i was in newcastle with my partner, i  met her friends there that she had been living with, despite the fucked up things that happened to her there, she lost a lot of friends herself and a long time friend, had trouble finding new ones, trouble fitting in, the friends she had there were the most honest and truly welcoming, connecting people ive met, and i miss that. i miss having a friend you can just, go over to their place, sit around for 3-4 hours talking shit, laughing, listening to music, relaxing and sharing stories and shit. weird that people can have such an effect on you in a short time. the life i live here is full of making plans, only for them to be cancelled, inviting friends over, for nobody to show up, cancelled plans all the fucking time, i've never been asked to just come over and chill, never its always some group thing that i'm invited to as well. i even try talking to them about this, i told a group of girl friends i have, i miss you all and haven't seen you in so long, we need to have a casual hangout, and the message was almost completely ignored, i asked them all to come to mind to watch the grand final, the house was free, i got a big projector screen, big comfy couch, live central right in the middle of everyone, nobody even replied or brought it up again, yet the second someone else that lives in the far corners of perth brought it up everyone started chatting about their plan to go. so if that's not my friends making it obvious they don't want to see me, they only include me then thats fucked up. i don't know what to say, this happens all the time, my 21st birthday i invited 65 people, and less than 15 people showed up. its hard to keep trying, always trying, i always try to make social events, i always ask friends what they are doing, when they can see me, make plans, they get cancelled, they are busy, they say they're coming then don't show up, most of the time i never hear a word too, they just dont show and don't even apologize, is that a fair thing to do, yeah sometimes i dont go to my friends events, i'm too fucking tired or just don't feel like going, somethings come up, i tell them straight away i cant make it i'm sorry this has come up, yet i don't get the same courtesy.

am i an unlikable person

the guys at work seem to like me, so i started a baking apprenticeship, basically i started watching great british bake off and picked it up as a hobby, making cakes and stuff, actually i should go back. so i used to work in some shitty small software company in the city, 9-5, peak hour traffic, office drama, workplace bullies, understaffed, overworked, red tape and bullshit everywhere, i quit after 2.5 years for mental health reasons, i made a lot of money but had to move on, so i spent a year off , it was only supposed to be a few months, go on a holiday road trip with my then partner, S, she broke up with me via a text message right after eagles lost to melbourne at home, basically the footy game was more disappointing, we had a shit relationship, i think i resented her, i cheated on her, yeah i'm an awful person and deserve everything, she was an emotionally manipulative person, terrified of her own body and sex, tried to dominate my life and change me, im glad we broke up. so i stayed unemployed for a long time, over a year, barely looking, until i found this baking apprenticeship, not only did i apply for the job and write a completely custom cover letter (im so fucking lazy i usually close a job application the second it requires anything more than an apply button) AND i called back a few weeks later when i heard nothing, well turns out that call landed me the job, the apprentice they hired instead of me was useless, had no passion and was a slow worker. so i got the job, and basically have been killing it ever since, i get a lot of praise at work (lots of criticism too) baking is one of those things that takes time, its all about time, so i got a lot to learn but i am actually confident once in my life, holy shit i have a job i like and am good at. is this the dream?> lol 

so today i started writing my feelings down, and its kinda felt good, but i'm exhausted now, and my fingers hurt, so this is the end of my first post, i hope nobody reads it, its really just for me but i don't know. 

thanks for listening   i guess 

[your-lips-your-lies-your-lust]

06/05/21 | 11:42

Intentions

understand the boundaries in my life alot of the were put there by me

spend more time reading books and focused on things I enjoy and not wasting time on mindless tv

come kore mindful of my feelings, thoughts and reactions

Grateful for

the smell of rain

crystals

breadsticks

May has air about it. It feels like a time of finalising change., of shedding old skin and stepping not a newer more improved self. I feel I have been working a lot on trying to improve myself emotionally. today woke up feeling quite mindful and its bee helpful. my sister is having the next couple days off, which makes my morning routine a bit inconvenienced however, I stayed calm and didn't allow myself to get too irritated or annoyedly her presence. whereas usually I do. I do not feel comfortable or happy when she is on the other side of the door or when she is home generally speaking. however, I have mot allowed it to affect me today. I've com to understand that tossing over it does nothing but upset me and make me feel more stressed and anxious about something that right now I cannot control or fix, also its jot her fault either that things are the way they are, yes she doesn't make the circumstance easier but and I don't agree with this but what can I do. I'm simply better off practicing mindfulness as I have today than allowing myself to get worked up about it. im still getting up at 7:30 tho when I don't want to or need to because I don't want to get stuck waiting for lunch time so I can use the bathroom. today I am proud of my self for how I have handled the situation. its not and never will be an ideal situation ever and I desperately still want to get out of it, but I cannot keep dwelling on it. as I said it makes me feel anxious, sick and upset and I'm done living my life around hers. if I want to clean my room when she's home then I will do that, I don't care anymore, of I want to dry my hair at night, I will because I don't care anymore. she does it to me and doesn't think about how irritating that can be, but she also doesn't seem. care as much as me. perhaps im just more sensitive to sound and energies of other people than she is. either way, im done trying to appease her. I just want to focus on myself as selfish as that may sound I just feel ke I live for others and help others and serve others to the point that I dont stop to do the same for myself. I want to look after me more now. paper myself, make myself look nic and feel good. im sick of not looking after myself anymore. im sick of living for others. I just want to be myself wholly now. ive been distancing myself from my m a little bit because when im with her she only talks about dad and I hate it and it makes me feel sick and sad and anxious and she makes me do all this stuff for her, stuff she is perfectly capable of doing herself, I dont mind helping her when she genuinely needs it bit when she's just being lazy, its a little tiresome. this has been pretty helpful for me, I do feel bad because she likes to have our company and our attention but it is quite draining to give her attention all the time. I would never want her out of my life but I do need space from her, its better for me and gives me more room to work on me and focus on me and my mental health.

today im working on improving posture, ive been sitting up right the whole time I've been. writing this I can't lie my back hurts but in a good kind of way. it feels stretched. I've heard that improving posture is a great way to improve your self in mind, body and spirit and helps improve your vibe and I love them good vibes. I also want improve my self resepctand acceptance. I want to love myself properly, I know self love isn't a destination and its a journey as is everything really but I want to work on it and actually improve it, I want to feel so respectful and appreciative of my body that I start to eat healthy for myself and I start to work out for myself too. I dont want to se it as a chore, I want to see it as a way to worship my body, we all know the saying "treat your body as a temple" or something like that.

im slowly starting to research spiritual books that aren't just a bout witchcraft but about the self and healing and self help type stuff. I truly want o work on myself and become a healthier version of myself, ive truly had enough of the mindset ive adopted since being home. i've been so miserable because of the fact I live here and I understand that this attitude isn't great because of the fact there are so many people out there who would love to have what I have but I cannot compare my issues to those of others our issues are immeasurable. I'm grateful for my room, my bed, the roof over my head, my family supporting me financially while I study but I just hate relying on them as an adult, I feel this pressure to at least help support them too, but how can I support them and save for my self and my future. I don't earn enough money to do that right now. I think I need to stop feeling guilty about it and sop pressuring myself. yes of course I need to work to place of physical independence and the will come but wasting energy on feeling guilty about it and pressuring myself is only not upset which in turn will halt my progress because ill feel guilty and unmotivated to put work and time effort into progressing. I feel good today, I feel positive, I feel hopeful a new and fresher start and beginning is coming for me. may yes has a lot of stressful external factors happening for me but I still have this underlying feeling about may that I great and feels good and right. I called on may first and it still feel it now. bring on may.

[quiznakchronicle]

A collection of discourse/vent asks

So over the last few weeks we’ve gotten a bunch of discourse/vent asks, mostly from people frustrated at the number of events in the fandom and/or how they’re being managed. We understand that people turn to us because we’re the ones in the thick of all these events, but please keep in mind that this isn’t a discourse blog. We’ll answer all the asks we have in one shot in this post (under a cut) because we don’t want people thinking we’re ignoring them or don’t care about what they’re saying, but after this we won’t be answering such asks publicly anymore. In the future we’d ask that if you have a grievance regarding events in this fandom please either talk to us in private about it (send an off-anon ask to this blog or DM Mod Pidge at @ace-pidge) or make a separate post about it on your blog. If you just want to anonymously vent/rant at someone may we suggest something like @vld-rage-confessions

Thanks for understanding <3

- Mods Pidge & Shiro

Anonymous said: 12 days ago regarding that anon complaining about event capacity, I think it might be helpful to also bring up a discussion about how certan events are run. Some events are run very smoothly by mods that are mature and act professional, while others are either run by well-intentioned newbies or people who don't have the skill to run the event they are. I have had to drop out of several bangs because the mods have refused to use email for sign-ups or check-ins, instead forcing all the work on participants1/2

2/2 They put all of the responsibility for both creating the piece, communicating with partners and performing check-ins on the participants and then people drop out due to poor communication and confusion. I have asked mods to please use email and send out confirmation / check-in emails and many have been rude and self-righteous about it, calling those that ask for better modding skills lazy or entitled. I am frustrated since I have always handed my work in on time, but have had to drop

3/2 from events due to absolute silence on the part of mods. It is not good practice to run your entire event out of tumblr / twitter and expect all participants to keep checking your blog / check in with you. It is teh responsibility of mods to send out emails and check in with participants, not the other way around. it is the responsibility of mods to make sure the communication is there, and the responsibility of participants to do the work and hand it in.

4/2(sorry) I don't wnat to make a c=major call-out post or shame particular people, but I feel like this is a trend that needs to stop. Certain events (big bangs, I've noticed) are being run like drag-and-drop set-and-forget events that mods don't need to put effort in to beyond putting up a tumblr. Running a big bang is a HUGE amount of effort and if you're not willing to put the effort in to run it properly, you run the risk of burning the entire community. We need to focus on a few well-run events. Sorry, finished. (no need to publish this ask)

I think this is a very good point and in fact I was partly thinking of this ask when I made my events etiquette post with my list of advice to organizers and participants. The importance of good and consistent communication during events simply cannot be understated, it’s what will make or break your event

Anonymous said: 12 days ago thank you so much for posting the thing about too many events. i'm thinking about not accepting zines if i get in because i don't think they'll sell and i don't want to work on something for nothing and i don't know how to get that across to these mods because they think selling a hundred is good but i get more kudos on my ao3 fics than that

Honestly the situation with zines has me particularly worried, because there is actual money involved. In previous fandoms I’ve only ever seen a few zines overall, never this many and all at once. It really does saturate the market. The last thing anyone wants is for people to put in all that work only for it to flop at the end because few people actually order it. It’s not any one person or zine’s fault, because all of them have neat concepts and themes. The problem is in having them all at once.

Anonymous said: 12 days ago I don't know how recently the problems with dropouts have started getting worse, but it could also have something to do with school starting back in a lot of places. If students didn't think about school starting or didn't expect to have more work this year than last year, they might be dropping stuff because of that. Oversaturation is definitely a problem we have, but things might even out a little bit in a few weeks once people adjust and it might get a little bit better? Hopefully?

That’s definitely a possibility. As I’ve said in the past it’s very important to consider your long-term life/work/school schedule when considering whether to run or sign up for an event. I have noticed in the past week or two less new events have popped up, so either I’m not finding them lol, or we’re heading into a lull which will hopefully allow things to even out

Anonymous said: 12 days ago on top of "too many events", there are a lot of /competiting/ events. 3 keith zines (for example) are all gonna compete with each other, period. people only have so much money to give, so someone buying 1 keith zine can't spend THAT SAME money on the other 2. (nor can they spend it on a lance zine, klance zine, etc). thinking these don't compete is the 1st mistake. creators are gonna spend time making things no one will buy and the mods are gonna lose money producing it.

Yeah, I touched briefly on the situation with zines a bit further up. I think the one saving grace for these zines is that while they may all be in production more or less at the same time they don’t go on sale at the same time. But I definitely hear you. We all want all the zines to do well, but like you say people aren’t made of money

Anonymous said: 12 days ago confession: im in an event run by the worst mod ever and its incredibly fucking frustrating. it feels like they dont give a shit about the event. i applied to their zine before i knew that but if i get accepted i WONT participate and in the rejection i will tell them why (its been over a month). they havent done ANY check ins as scheduled have basically disappeared and my artist hasnt replied either. im so mad i want to cry and drop out and never do an event again. this hurts us too you know

Aw Nonny I’m so sorry you’re stuck in this situation... The flipside of poor event management is fandom creators like you being turned off from participating in projects and that’s really upsetting. Fandom events should be a source of fun and creativity, not stress and anxiety. I’m so sorry, I hope in the meantime since you sent this your situation has improved ;A;

Anonymous said: 12 days ago Guys please don't encourage mods who are continuously late on their dates or end up canceling their event due to their poor planning. I get that you want to treat them well but not giving honest feedback ("please keep to the schedule in the future" or "I'm disappointed this was cancelled") tells them that there are no consequences to their bad management. But there are: one week only had 2 participants. Zines aren't making money. Too many events + bad mods = poor participation. I'm sick of it.

This is important. If the way something is being run isn’t working it’s important to say so, otherwise how will the mod grow and learn to do better in the future. I know it feels like “calling out” but it needs to be said. Seeing an event to completion is a partnership between the organizer(s) and the participants and both sides need to be proactive and be willing to listen to each other

Anonymous said: 10 days ago My 2 cents on the events discourse: they're optional so don't sign up. Personally I'm sick of having shitty mods and terrible experiences so i won't be doing anymore vld events. Sucks because i love fandom events but apparently no one who runs them gets the point of them so...

Yeah, I’m seeing more and more people saying they’re just not gonna participate in anything anymore and it sucks that it’s come to this. I totally understand though ://

Anonymous said: 8 days ago dear people who follow QC: we do not have unlimited money. zines for profit are going to continue to do worse because more people will hit their spending limits. we do not need multiple character zines, ship zines, or race zines (galran/altean/etc). if you think galra keith, nature keith and gen keith don't compete with both each other AND the lance zines then please take an econ class before launching. we have plenty more seasons, let's not run this fandom into the ground, shall we?

Anonymous said: 6 days ago I'm quitting fandom events. There are so many bad mods and it's made this experience really terrible for me. I'm telling you in hopes that you publish this ask so people who see it will think about if they're modding for 15 min of fame or if they're taking it seriously. Enough is enough

I think I’ve pretty much said everything further up, so I’ll just leave these last two ones here like this

[theepicyus]

"blood is sacred" are you actually giving me that as a reason? when i was younger i had internal bleeding and puked up half my blood volume and would have died without it but no i shouldn't have got it because blood is sacred. i have health problems so as a child i was sick every single day and my immune system was nonexistent until i started getting transfusions and i haven't been sick since so blood is sacred is bullshit and so were those jehovah witness websites which are bias to their faith

dude like im sorry i can’t tell you something nice or something that you want to hear, but i’m a jw, jesus said blood is sacred, and if i ever get into an accident or a health issue where i need blood, i will refuse it, and if it kills me, then that was the right thing to do.

if i ever have a child and they need blood to live, im going to have to let them die. the thought of someone else’s blood in my veins repulses me. blood is our source of life, our “soul”

am i saying you shouldn’t be alive right now because i believe you shouldn’t have taken the blood transfusion and thus would have died? yes. am i saying that i want people to die and i want you dead? NEVER!

you know that if someone has you at gun/knife point the right thing to do is to either defend yourself where you know you will only disable the person, or let them kill you. the right thing to do is die. because you die sinless. without taking another’s life.

i don’t care that you don’t believe it’s not the truth... well, yes i do. i can’t say i don’t care about you. that’s an awful thing to have to deal with at such a young age, and im sorry that you had to go thru that. sometimes the truth hurts though.

i only pulled things from jw.org because i was busy and too lazy to go look up actual facts that say having someone else’s blood in you is bad and may even bring up other health complications. 

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2008/apr/24/medicalresearch.health

there, okay?

it’s like you think just because an organization that believes in God (by the way, JW’s do not consider themselves a religion. we are an organization. we believe religion is a snare.) automatically means we don’t back ourselves up scientifically. the bible was scientifically accurate before anyone was.

“There is One who dwells above the circle* of the earth” Isaiah 40:22

https://www.jw.org/en/publications/bible/nwt/books/isaiah/40/#v23040022

The footnote says “or sphere.” That was around the time when the popular belief was that the earth was flat, or on the back or a tortoise etc.

JW’s aren’t pulling “facts” out of their butts, they actually base their belief on real things. And each witness makes the truth their own, meaning they don’t blindly believe anything they’re told. JW’s are ENCOURAGED NOT TO BLINDLY BELIEVE WHAT IS TOLD and to look into everything for themselves to accept.

so again, im sorry. but technically, you shouldn’t be here, and that is very very sad. but there’s nothing i can do about it. i want to give you some kind of hope, but all i can think you’re going to do is get more upset and call me “bullshit” again.

You know i’m like really gay?? like very into girls. but thankfully im not completely gay. I identify as pansexual. but because i believe that homosexuality is a sin (meaning the act of being in a gay romantic/sexual relationship and participating in gay ACTS not BEING GAY, i want to clear that up because some “religions” say horrible things like god hates f**s when that couldn’t be further from the truth. He wants everyone to love him the way he loves us and he doesn’t want to see us suffer. https://www.jw.org/en/publications/bible/nwt/books/luke/15/#v42015007 - https://www.jw.org/en/publications/bible/nwt/books/2-peter/3/#v61003009) i won’t ever let myself think too much into liking a girl or ever date one. which can be hard sometimes.

and you know what else must be hard that i have no idea how i would handle it because i don’t know what it could possibly be like? being on the verge of death and having the option of living by taking a blood transfusion, or dying and not taking one. i know the choice i would make. it seems like i also know the choice you would make.

i want to apologise for coming off as rude and argumentative, because that’s what i was. it’s something im working on. and when i said to @ me i was really looking for an argument. but i changed that halfway to instead become an educator because that’s also the right thing to do.

please ask again if you have more concerns as i would be more willing to take the time and talk to you in a more respectful way.

im sorry about about everything. please understand that it’s not personal, my anger! okay? i’m working on it slowly but surely.

[superblyjovialtheorist-blog]

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"Worcester Massachusetts Cheap car insurance quotes zip 1655

Worcester Massachusetts Cheap car insurance quotes zip 1655

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am thinking of saving up about 2000 because that's how much my car insurance a year will be and pay it all in one go or just pay monthly? which is better? if pay it all off then i have to save up for a good 4 or 3 months. answer please no stupidity :P

Car leasing and insurance question?

Okay, so I'm 20 years old and in need of a new car. I'm looking towards leasing the 2013 Honda civic. The car itself is going to be under my fathers name, since he is the one who will be taking out the loan, however I will be the actual driver. However, my mom is the one who has taken care of my car insurance for the last 3 years. I am listed as a driver on her policy. I've heard that the person whose name is attached to the car MUST have the car insured in their own name, but my parents are MARRIED and my mom takes care of the insurance. Is it possible for me to have the car in my dad's name, and the insurance in my moms? Thanks in advance for your help !! I sincerely appreciate it.""

How much would motorcycle insurance be for a 19 year old in Florida?

I'm 19 years old living in Toronto Ontario Canada. I've been riding street bikes since 16 years old and have obtained my M class license. (Ontario's full motorcycle license) My dad is moving the Family back to our hometown of Jacksonville Florida and was curious as to insurance prices since there is no way in hell a 19 year old boy from Toronto can afford a premium on a 600cc sport bike. I currently have a premium on a ninja 250R around 2000$ a year and a secondary driver policy on my dads R6 around 1100$. since my bike here in Canada goes by KMPH i would need to sell it and save myself the hassle of transferring all the info. So would there be any chance of me affording a R6 in Florida or would they rape me there too?

Washington state car insurance law for drivers and cars?

I currently dont have insurance and i was forced to move back to my parents house and theyre badgering me to get car insurance but i cant afford it right now. if they put insurance on my car under their name, can i drive my car legally? or do they have to put my name on their policy also? im trying to find the cheapest way of getting basic legal insurance since my car is not worth more than 1000 dollars""

NY resident sport bike motorcycle insurance cost?

i am 18 years old going to be 19 at the end of march, clean driving record and have a motorcycle permit. live in CNY oswego area and i am wondering how much roughly it would cost for me to insure a 600cc crotch rocket. thank you""

""Can anyone tell me, on average, what home insurance on a double-wide mobile home is in Indiana?""

I live in Indiana, and am looking for cheap home insurance for a double-wide trailer. Does anybody know on average what insurance runs in Indiana?""

""Health Insurance questions, help?

I just got a job as a firefighter in my local town in Mass. Im only 21 y/o and still on my mothers insurance Do you recommend I stay with her's or pursue my own? She is an LPN so her benefits are ok but nothing amazing....blue cross Advice? PRices of FF health insurance? Thanks!

Car buying/drive test/insurance question.?

By June 16th, the first day of my job, I will need to not only buy a car, but purchase insurance and schedule/complete/pass my drive test. Now, this could be my young naive mind talking, but I am a very alert driver, maybe a little fast, but VERY alert. When doing behind the wheel, I went on the freeway after only 1 hour and the guy said I'm only the second person he's felt comfortable with doing that. But my question is, in what order should i do this (car, test, insurance) and how much preparation/time does each take. i'm hoping for my parents to stop fighting so my dad can buy a new one and give me his truck, but there are no guarantees. By the way, I am 16, and don't think this is some worthless endeavor by a kid with no money. I have saved for over 3 years (I know have over 10000$ but I have to buy everything, but my parents will pay for half of the insurance costs. THANKS""

Can I buy car insurance if the photo on my driving license needs renewing?

Hi. Ok I appreciate I am technically breaking the law on a number of fronts with this. I have bought a car, It is taxed and tested. It is parked on the road. However I don't have any insurance and the photograph on my license has expired. It is still possible for me to buy insurance (and therefore make the car itself fully legal) before I have received my new license? Reading the DVLA websites implies I can. The license is still valid it just needs renewing. I have no convictions, health issues, etc. Just wanted to make sure as I don't want to pick up a load of points just for a misunderstanding. Thanks!!""

""If I work for an insurance company, do I get free/discounted insurance premiums from them?""

I'm paying nearly 2400 at the moment, if I went and worked at an insurance company do you think I could blag a bit of cheap insurance? (ENGLAND)""

What is the average cost for a phacoemulsification without insurance?

What is the average cost for a phacoemulsification without health insurance?

Car Insurance Question?

My fiance and I want to buy a new car - and I am the primary buyer, and he is the co-buyer. Can we just add the new car to his auto insurance and list me as a driver of the car? (My current car is not on his insurance, it's on my moms because she helped me get my current car) Or must we be married to do this? I have heard that if you're not married, then I would need to get my own separate insurance policy, but I don't know how true this is. The dealership says that it doesn't matter, as long as the car has insurance. Do they check?""

How much would my insurance cost?

I can't seem to get some of the online quotes to work?? I'm 21, have been driving since I was 16, with NO blemishes on my record. I (will) drive a 2006 Acura TL. Just a ball park number. Thanks!""

Is comprehensive car insurance cheaper if you own the car?

is it cheaper than if you had a loan out on it? why is this? thanks

Car Insurance Quote Accuracy?

I was considering leasing a BMW 3 series coupe and tried getting an anonymous insurance quote online from thegeneral.com, to avoid spamming and releasing my personal information, but they do not allow it for the NY region so I eventually used the zipcode for Louisiana, and got a quote of about $350/month. How accurate is that figure? Im 25, had a license for 6 years with a squeaky clean record (though I have never owned a vehicle under my name), male, and use a Long Island address. I expect it to be cheaper due to the fact that I'm 25 and have a good record, and reside outside of the city but is that realistic""

Which car insurance company is the cheapest if you have many points?

Which car insurance company is the cheapest if you have many points?

Question about insurance liabilty when driving a drunk friend home in his car?

My friend asked me to drive his car for him to pick him up because he was drinking. I picked him up and on the way home got into a fender bender at my fault. His insurance paid for the damages done to the other vehicle, but he does not have complete coverage for his car and wants me to cover 800 dollars in damages done to his vehicle. I do not feel responsible for this. I have minimum coverage. Will he be able to take me to claims court? Am I liable for his damages?""

Will my motorcycle license show up on the car insurance?

So before you guys rule me out as being immature about getting a motorcycle without my parents knowledge let me tell you about my background. I am a college student studying at Northeastern in Boston. I have my own apartment in Boston and I share with 3 other people. I pay my own rent and food and I work 2 jobs. I work around 25-30 hours a week and I am a full time student on top of that. I have a car that is under my dad's insurance and I pay for the insurance and gas. Lately, the insurance and gas is really killing me financially. So, I'm planning to give my car back to my parents and I will just get a motorcycle for the city. Its cheaper gas and insurance wise and its easy to find parking for it the place I live in. I have taken place the winter seasons and I'm planning to put it in a storage for the winter seasons. My question is that my mother is thinks that a motorcycle is unsafe and that its dangerous. I believe its up to the driver to be safe or not, and also being aware of the surrounding. My mom take cares of the insurances and she just tells me how much I have to pay her for the car, and I was wondering if I get my motorcycle licenses in MA, does it show up on the car insurance? I'm planning to insure the motorcycle on my own with a different company and register it under my name. So basically I don't want my parents to find out about it. I don't want to cause them any trouble. Lets say that I take my name off of the car insurance, but down the line I want to put my name back on the car insurance does my motorcycle license show up during re apply for my name under the car insurance?""

Insurance for older cars?

I'm a teenager and I was wondering if I bought a 1967 Shelby Mustang would the insurance rates be high?

Worcester Massachusetts Cheap car insurance quotes zip 1655

Worcester Massachusetts Cheap car insurance quotes zip 1655

Should I get a new health insurance plan?

Hi there, I'm a 26 y\o male living in california. I just came off my family's kaiser health plan in April and have started paying for cobra to stay on it. As of today it's $670 a month. I know very little about buying health insurance, but I'm wondering if I can get a better deal with an individual plan. My only worry is being turned down for per-existing conditions. I have an anxiety disorder which requires medication and have had 2 eye surgeries for retinal problems. I know very little about the health insurance market other than that insurers having little compassion for the gouge they put on people. Is this a fair price? Or would it be better to look for a different insurer? Also, what is a deductible and how do they work? thanks""

Who are the best insurance companies for young drivers?

Who are the best insurance companies (in terms of low prices) for young drivers?

How much does car rental insurance cost?

I am renting an economy car for one day through enterprise. Any idea what the average cost of rental insurance they offer is? I'll be calling them later on. Just wondering ahead of time what I should expect to pay, on average. Thanks""

Really Angry ! where can i get cheap van insurance im 18 ?

i been on go compare the cheapest i got was 4600 thats on a 1.9 litre van i think its stupid how can i make a living paying that kind of money out i need my van for work plus its not like its really powerfull its a sh!tty van i wolud not mine if it with a 1.9 sports car buts its a van it sholud be cheaper on vans im 18 do u know where i can get cheaper van insurance plus i got quoted 2600 on a 1.1 car

""Advice for buying new car insurance (21 yr old, male)?""

Im 21 year old, male, college student. I just got my driver license. This is my first time getting car insurance since I had never needed it before. I need insurance for a 2007 Mazda CX-7 or 2007 Toyota RAV 4 (full cover)""

How will my finance company know if i change my car insurance coverage?

im leaving to basic training next week and i was going to drop my car insurance coverage down to just storage insurance because my car is going to be stored and under a car cover at my fathers house while i am away. my car insurance company suggested before i make the change that i contact my finance company and make sure that there would be no issue if i did this, how ever the finance company said i could only do this if i literally go and rent a storage unit and keep my car there, AND i have to be deployed, simply being away at training is not enough. If i go ahead and reduce my coverage to storage insurance, how would my finance company know, im sure there has to be some way they would find out.""

How much is the average car insurance in southwest VA?

Im 20 years old. Im moving somewhere in the southwest va area within the next month and was wondering how much the average car insurance will be

How much money can i get from a car accident?? it was not my fault?

i was in a car accident. the other driver crashed into me & did a hit and run. i was in the car with my g.f . my g.f ended up with back pains & neck pains. i ended up with two broken fingers & a cast in my left hand. in addition i had back pains too. it appears that the driver that hit me was d.u.i and did a hit and run and got caught. after that, the insurance from the driver salvaged my car. just paid me what is was worth 3k. ive been going to therapy for 2 months now with my g.f. i spend about 500-600 in medical bills. i was off work 3 months. im 21 years old and i live in the state of california. i have an attorney working on my case. so how much can i get from the insurance company and my g.f ????""

""Both Canidates say they will make insurance affordable, no #'s are given - what is affordable?""

Both Canidates say they will make insurance affordable, no #'s are given - what is affordable? Some people cant afford $2.00 a week or a month...they are living on nothing. My ...show more""

Is medical payments coverage needed in auto insurance?

How important is medical payments coverage auto insurance coverage. I currently have at as $10,000 coverage. Is this over kill? I have health insurance (HSA) that has a $5000 deductible per year, after that it's covered 100%. thx""

How much is insurance on a 125cc?

WhAts a average insurance price for a geared 125

Can I claim health insurance costs?

If i am retired, 55 and have to pay my own health insurance, can I deduct them on my income taxes. Lets say the monthly premium is $500 and my anual income is $24,000""

Why is my car insurance SO expensive?!?

My car insurance is due for renewal and the quotes i'm getting seem so high! Why is this? I'm a 32 year old female, no convictions, bans not even a speeding ticket. I have had my licence for 14 years and over 10 years no claims. I have 3 previous claims, 2 none fault and one theft - all of which were over 10 years ago. I am insuring a 2003 freelander (insurance group 11).""

My husband and I are buying our first home. What insurance will we need?

Life insurance to cover the mortgage? Illness or unemployment cover? Please help!

Why do insurance companys ask how much you paid for your car?

When they don't want to pay that amount out ! Although you pay that premium.

If my insurance pays off what i owe on my car would it be on my name?

or would if be on my car agency name? i was hit by a 73 male no insurance and well all i have now is for my insurance to cover it and to fix my car is about $7,500 and its a total loss so my mom was told and estimate of what the car might be worth is between 5,000 and 6,000 i have and 2004 Hyundai Elentra. I still owe the agency a year of payment so is the check going to be under my name or the agency. im hoping under my name this way im able to buy a car- cash and keep paying my agency what i owe. bc it sucks to still pay off money even if the 6,000 for the agency and i still have to pay monthly if its not enough to cover the whole amount i owe. HELP""

Got myself a little old ford fiesta 1100 i am over 25 learner driver which is the cheapest insurance firm.?

Got myself a little old ford fiesta 1100 i am over 25 learner driver which is the cheapest insurance firm.?

PPO vs. HMO Insurance?

I am trying to understand pros vs cons of HMO vs PPO. We are a family of three (myself, spouse and newborn). We do not have much health issues. Premium difference is about $150 per month (i.e. HMO cheaper than PPO). But need to understand any limitations of HMO. Is it tough to find a PCP who takes HMO insurance? Or is it people with health complications usually opt for PPO as it is more flexible?""

What would have a more expensive insurance a 2007 accord or an 1998 nissan 240sx?

What would have a more expensive insurance a 2007 accord or an 1998 nissan 240sx?

Why do liberals keep referring to the new health insurance system as affordable? ?

I work on film crews. It an be a long time between movie projects, so I deliver pizzas between crews instead of going on unemployment like many of my film crew buddies. I also own some crappy land, which I inherited, that won't sell. It's just sitting there on the market, screwing me out of qualifying for anything and everything my tax dollars are used for in the way of entitlement funding. I live in a travel trailer. As soon as I have to start paying an upwards of $200 a month for health insurance that is only going to go up, up and up now that pre-existing conditions must be covered, I'm going to have to move into a tent. What part of this is affordable?""

What would happen to my dad's insurance?

My friend was driving my car and he has no insurance when we got pulled over. The cop asked for license and registration. My friend gave his license, but he gave my insurance information and my registration information (which is under my dad's). Would we get penalized for it? Would my dad's insurance rate go up?""

Need help finding helath insurance?

Looking to find a new health insurance policy, one that covers more, like office visits, lab testing, and prescription drugs. I'm 22 female from mn, employed full time, none smoker. Whats a good company?""

Looking for a car insurance commercial.?

In the commercial a guy is using a marshmallow treat to simulate a wrecked car and to fix it he sticks it back together. I believe the commercial is trying to say the insurance is fast at fixing your car. I think there was some sort of frog/toad in the commercial too.. Help?

""I need a cheap, reliable and economical car. Any recommendations?

it would help if it could be all round cheap such as... insurance group etc.

Moped insurance/ registration question in New Jersey?

okay, well i a tomos lx. and i am the first owner. And i called the dmv, and they told me that i need proof of insurance before i get it registered. heres my question. i am 15 and i would like to add the moped to my parents insurance policy. Can i go to the DMV with their insurance policy number and get it registered, go home, and then call the insurance company to put the moped on the policy? basically i show them my parents policy number. Will they accept it? Or do i need call the insurance company, add the insurance to my moped, and then go to the dmv?""

Worcester Massachusetts Cheap car insurance quotes zip 1655

Worcester Massachusetts Cheap car insurance quotes zip 1655

Insurance rate for 2000 ford escort?

it has 143k miles for a female i just need an estimate, it is for a class assignment thanks""

Does an insurance consultant in Massachusetts need to be licensed?

It is corporate insurance, not personal.""

How much will my Insurance go up?

im 18 years old on my mothers policy been driving 1 year crashed my car into a old Escort which his car was called a Rite Off. His rite of value for his car is 950. my damage i fixed with my old money as my insurance did not cover my cars damage. my Current Insurance price is 1250(pa). How much will my insurance go up by next time round...next year in September?

Is selling mortgage protection insurance a good job?

I have been offered a job selling mortgage protection insurance. All sales leads are pre-generated and there is no cold calling. Of course, like any sales job, the company has assured me that I can earn a six-figure income within the first year; but I don't know what to believe. Anybody know anything about this industry? Is this a waste of time?""

How much is home-based insurance?

I am thinking of making money with waxing. I was just wondering how much it would cost me to pay insurance for myself, I am thinking I just need errors and omissions (i.e. liability in case a client decides to sue me). FYI I live in Canada. Thanks!""

What insurance would be best for a Salvaged Car?

See I am a first time driver and I bought a Car which has a salvaged title due to a minor fender bender, I don't drive it because well I've only had it for about 3 days but I would like to know what would be the best coverage I can get from any insurance on a Salvaged title car. I hope it was worth my money buying a salvaged car. some one help!!! PLEASE!""

Do I need insurance to register my car in Illinois?

I just bought a car and wanna get the plates and everything right away. Can I register my car without proof of insurance? Remember its Illinois

""What is the average price of health insurance in Queens, New York?""

I am 26 years and turning 27 soon. I would like to know the average price of health insurance in Queens, New York? I tried getting some quotes online and all the prices are coming out to over $1,000 a month. Some of them more close to $2000. I didn't know the health insurance for an individual was this high. In this Case, I don't think any one who makes low starting salary would be able to get health insurance. I used to pay a little more than $100 a month when I had student health insurance. Also, I heard from one of my cousin(who is 50 years old)...that he pays less than $500 a month...Which made me get confused when I got the quotes online. Also, it is really difficult to get quotes online since they ask for personal infos. I do not want to give any of my personal infos. Can anyone please tell me if there are any health insurance plan ranging from $100-$400 a month? Thanks~""

My car has been broken down for some time do I need insurance?

My cars engine blew up in June. I could not find an engine I could afford at the time. I canceled the insurance due to this. I received a letter in the mail wanting proof of insurance for the state of Ohio. I have purchased a engine now but still haven't had anyone install, so the car is not operational. What do I do? Can I show the receipt for proof the the vehicle wasn't operational?""

Insurance. What do I need to sell Term Insurance in California?

Insurance. What do I need to sell Term Insurance in California?

How much will my car insurance go up???

i recently totaled my brand new 07 scion tc... i had put 11,000 miles on it and i was paying about 1000 dollars a year in insurance... i did not finance the car but bought it outright... about how much will my insurance company give me and how much will my insurance go up""

Can I get liability insurance from an insurance company and collision only from another ?

I went to Allstates and GEICO to get auto insurance the first gave me cheap liability and very expensive collision and the other is the opposite ,can I liability insurance ( bodily injury and property damage) from allstates and collision from GEICO ?""

Car Insurance?

How does the car insurance work here in NYC, I don't fully understand, if you have AIG how much does insurance go up for your parents if you are 17. I've heard 1500-2000, (Is this true?)""

""I got a speeding ticket in Indiana, but I live in California?""

I plan on paying the ticket (Indiana court told me to send $138), but I want to know if I need to go to traffic school? If not, does a record go on my California license and my insurance would go up?""

How much would it be to have my car repainted the factory color and remove some pretty good scratches/dents?

my car was recently scraped by a post and mccdonalds and put some pretty good sracthes in my car with a good size dent and also completely ruined my running board how much do u think it would cost do have all this fixed at macco or if i claimed it as a hit and run would my insurance cover that and repaint my car or atleast half of it the side that was messed up and have ever thing else fixed

""What is the average insurance to run a home day care in San Diego, Ca? What about on rented property?""

I know that opening a daycare on someone else's property is a liability, but possible. Is there extra insurance needed? Do you talk with your landlord prior to renting the property? My father owns an apartment complex, and he said 'No way Jose' if one of his tenants would come to him with this proposition. How much is the average home day care insurance in San Diego, Ca? Thanks!""

Insurance Car Accident?

So today my insurance expired Feb 1st and I had thought I was covered for today. It is snowing outside and a car crashed behind me and did some serious damage. I called the insurance company and got insured. If the crash happened before I paid the insurance but no police were involved am I still covered. The exact timings wouldn't be found out if no police were called at the time correct?

Cheapest Vans to insure?

Hi, I was looking into getting a van as a first car, ideally I was after something like a van/car cross, basically an estate with no back windows, I'm not sure of the group. I was wondering what decent vans are out there and what would be cheapest to insure? The main reason for wanting a van is I regularly surf and would sleep in the back occasionally.""

Looking for cheap & crappy life insurance.?

I am looking for sources of *REALLY* cheap life insurance. I have to have life insurance for the next six years (declining each year), while I pay off a structured legal settlement. I don't care about financial stability of the company or a history of hassling the beneficiaries to collect. I don't care about guaranteed renewability, as if I'm not insurable, I don't have to buy the insurance. All I care about is price and that the policy comes with an official receipt that will satisfy their lawyers. Websites such as INSweb typically only offer 5-year term or longer, and I want cheaper than that.""

Car insurance for 21 yr single female scion fr-s/ subaru brz?

Does anyone know from personal experience about how much insurance for this car would cost? good student driver discount on parent's policy accident free.

""What are car insurances rates just for liability insurance in reno, nv?""

What are car insurances rates just for liability insurance in reno, nv?""

Where is the best online insurance in california without broker and billing fees?

i was wondering where i could find auto insurance online that i dont have to pay broker fees and billing fees in california, my insurance was $197.00 , but ended up paying $298.00 with the billing fees""

I hit a fence with my car will my insurance rates go up if I make a calim?

The other day I was driving my 2000 honda accord and out of no place came a deer that ran out in the street from the woods.I turned my wheel hard to the right not to hit the deer and I hit a woodin fence at an abandoned house.My car is dented up pretty bad .I have full coverage I know the car is 12 years old but it was in excelllent shape before this.if I file a claim will my insurince rates go up?

Cost car insurance in michigan?

hi im 19 live in michiganand want to get a car. it will be valued at around 8,000-10,000 dollars. how much will the absolute cheapest car insurance be per year. i have never been in an accident or had any tickets. thanks for any responses!!""

Motorcycle insurance rate estimation?

I want basic liability insurance for a lower cc Honda Phantom, 700 cc tops. I am a 21 year old male who committed a DUI 2.5 years ago and is now alcohol-free. For that reason, I feel ...show more""

Worcester Massachusetts Cheap car insurance quotes zip 1655

Worcester Massachusetts Cheap car insurance quotes zip 1655

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/arizona-wedding-insurance-patrick-campbell/"

[evannalily]

Happy New Year Pinterest

Good afternoon everyone and a very happy new year to you wherever you are in the world. I hope that you all celebrated the coming of the new year in a way that you loved and you started it off with a smile on your face and a bit of excitement in your heart. I personally spent it with my family and himself at home eating food and drinking wine while watching Jools Holland’s Hootenanny on BBC1 which is exactly the way I like to spend my new years. So I hope you all had a fun and joyful new years wether you were at home or out on the town so I say Happy New Year to each and every one of you!

This is my first post since my Christmas Gift Guide for Him blog post before Christmas so I will start by apologising for my absence over the December month. I know I have said this before but this year my resolution is to have more content on the blog and to really keep up to date with it. I am also going to completely redo the blog at some point including a name change as Evanna Lily just is not working for me anymore. I will explain more once it all sorted but I am going to do a complete clean slate with the blog (my previous blog posts will still be available) and start it completely fresh faced and new. I am not a serious big blogger as you all know but it is something I do genuinely enjoy doing and getting to share my interest in fashion and style is great so even though I may not post for a week or so and go quiet for a little while I will always come back to write. So moving forward from that todays post is just on some of my new years resolutions and a little look back at 2017.

�� Lessons Learnt

Mastering your eyebrow technique is not that hard once you find a shape thats right for you. I was (embarrassingly) shaping my eyebrows with a round head brow shape which looking at now just makes me cringe but once I started to test out the natural brow shape more and more the better I got and the more I realised how wrong my previous style was for me!

Sometimes its the place not the people. I have learnt in the last year how people can get attached and comfortable in a place and with people and feel like they are trapped. They can think that people are the reason that they feel that way and contribute to them feeling stuck and unhappy with where they are. Sometimes spending so much time in one place experiencing the good, bad, lessons and people for so long can wear you down and the place can be the reason. There has been so much happen there that the energy just hangs around and stays there refusing to let you forget those places that made a mark on your life. This can be a good thing too but I think its a good thing to get away from the familiar place for a while and who knows you may fall in love with somewhere new and decide you want to write a chapter of your life there.

The world is a scary place. The attacks throughout 2017 like Manchester at the Arianna Grande concert that occurred last year have really impacted people because people are now afraid to experience things without the thought of those attacks in the back of their minds. As awful as these attacks are people still came together to show that we are not defeated and that the attempts to destroy us have only made us stronger. The lives lost in these attacks are a tragedy but we cannot let the hate of others taint our lives. What I feel it is important to remember is that we cannot paint people with the same brush as if they are all responsible for the actions of misguided, misinformed people. There are extremists in every religion so we cant forget those who are being victimised by their religion because of the actions of another. We all share this world and none of us are better or more important than others. All we can do is hope that the mist of hate that clouds the eyes of some people (from all religions and races) will become clearer and that we together find a solution.

Wearing your dressing gown all day as a jacket at home to keep you warm is completely acceptable. Just put it on on top of your clothes all day or when you come home from work and your basically wearing a sleeved blanket. If you haven’t tried it do because its great. Its so comfy to just chill with your dressing gown on with a cup of tea watching a movie at the end of the day or on a lazy day off.

Relationships are not always smooth sailing. When you watch sitcoms and movies there is always the group made up of colleagues or college friends characters and they are always having a fun time and getting through life together and the truth is its not exactly like that. Yes I would hope that you have someone to talk to and walk you down the path of life with but there will always be rocky parts that sometimes you need to stop and figure out a way around. Everyone has their different social relationships that are always forever changing. Changing jobs, homes, partners, fashion, interests and sometimes those things clash with others and opinions are different so it can cause rifts and disagreements which are just a part of life and sometimes they figure themselves out over time and other times they make you realise that maybe going separate ways is a good thing.

I have more that 2017 taught me but I think thats enough reading for you all right now! I do have some new years resolutions like I said above and they are some serious ones and a couple of not so serious ones but I am determined to keep them all and stick to my list!

Goals & Resolutions For The New Year

To cut way back on processed and sugary foods. Because of my working hours I always end up popping across the road on my lunch for a microwave meal/ snacks and I am just sick of them. One because they are really unhealthy and mostly bland and secondly because I’m spending money on food I could have done at home. So from my first day back to work tomorrow in 2018 I will have a lunch with me instead and be saving money at the same time.

To stick to a bedtime routine. I know I’m only 22 and that sounds very old lady of me but again because of my working hours I could be in work at 6am to 2:30pm and some days not finishing until 6:30 or 3am so my body clock is often messed up and I’m awake until 2am when Im in at 6am so I want to get into a proper sleep routine regardless of what time I’m working the next day so I do get a good few hours sleep and feel less exhausted at the peak of the day. (4pm is always the time when tiredness just hits you isn’t it?)

 To stop comparing myself to others. This is something that is really hard to do because of social media and that there is always something posted by someone and it seems like they are doing way better at life than you and that they have everything all figured out when in actual fact all they can do is post a convincing Instagram or Snapchat and give the impression that life is perfect. So my plan is to cut back on my social media scrolling just to see who has posted what and to be less involved in the world of “insta worthy photos”.

Another goal of mine for 2018 is to change up my work a little bit. I have been in Newlook for 3 and a bit years now and Im starting to think that maybe a change is needed. Wether thats change jobs all together or go for a different position I dont know yet so I will see where 2018 takes me!

I am going to take two breaks a year. One to go on a proper abroad holiday with himself and another to go on an Ireland holiday for a few days in another county just to see a bit more of Ireland and to get some travelling in. I do like travelling abroad and getting that nice time away from normal life because I think its a healthy thing to do. Last year I was in Spain for two weeks with my family and did go to Kildare and Wexford a few days each which were great!

St. Stephens Day drinks with Eimear December 2017

George for our annual Christmas photo November 2017

22nd Birthday Present from Himself December 2017

St. Stephans Day drinks in Cafe Du Parc Killarney December 2017

Keith Barry at the INEC Killarney January 2017

Cliffs of Moher March 2017

Vejer De La Frontera September 2017

Walking On Cars at The INEC December 21st 2017

Aghadoe Heights Open Spa Night December 2017

Tiger who passed away from cancer in June 2017

Nights out in The Grand with Eimear April 2017

The Europe Hotel and Spa July 2017

2017 was an interesting year for all of us so I am curious to see what the new year has in store not only for me but for the world. So cheers to all the memories from the previous year and hello to all the new things to come!

Ever Yours

Lily

xx

To A New Beginning : 2018 Good afternoon everyone and a very happy new year to you wherever you are in the world.

[mylifeinspoons]

Some of the oddities I’ve experienced so far with a visible disability

Before i begin note that i do not represent any gorup of people but obly display my own personal views , I do not intentd to insult or upset anyone, if anyone has any questions or want to request i put more filters on  the tags please message me so i can do so. Also note that this post is simple my own way of airing out my probles, a form of therapy if you will.  In 2014 there were over 12000000 disabled people residing in the UK (this is about 1/5 of the population) the majority of these are not visible disabilities with roughly only 2% of the UK population are wheelchair users. I can’t say for sure that everyone with a disability (noticeable or otherwise) has experienced some of the things I’m about to share, and I can’t say for sure that able-bodied people have never experienced some of these, but I can tell you about some of the oddities I have experienced.  One of the strangest things I get asked is ‘what happened?’ by complete strangers, I never know what to say. The comedian in me wants to create some extraordinary tale of bravery and heroism that is not only impossible but truly unbelievable. The heart in me however want to nurture their curiosity and explain to them in painstaking detail how the only ‘thing’ that happened was the weather that morning or a bad night, I want to explain that I’m not always in a chair and the only thing that puts me in it is life. Usually I just settle for ‘genetics’, maybe I’ll try something new next time. Perhaps the next most commonly strange things people do is they say that they’ll pray I get better or I’ll be able to walk again soon. I know that it comes from a good place and that they mean well, but sometimes I just want to stand up and cry ‘It’s a miracle, by Jeeves you’ve done it, I can walk again!’, thankfully (I’m sure) this urge has not yet overpowered my sensibilities. And although I know these people believe they are being kind, but it makes me feel like a liar/fraud when I get home and manage to stand on my own two feet, it makes me feel unworthy of displaying by badge of disability via the wheelchair I use even though the majority of wheelchair users are capable of some mobility outside of/without the use of their chair, but may choose not to due to a variety of factors the most popular being pain, and that my ability to walk(some may class it more as a stumble or an impression of a baby foal/giraffe)does not make me not-disabled.  One of the most difficult things to deal with is usually with people that I know and interact with on a regular basis (for me that would be family/college personnel), and although I know these people certainly mean no harm, sometimes they do (don’t worry they aren’t chucking me down the stairs…yet). For this I may need to give you a little more information about me to understand. I have a degenerative illness called EDS, this means I and my joints are not the same one-day to the next, when I first started college I used a cane to try to reduce the frequent trips I made (both to the floor and A&E) or at least to help me stand after falling. Recently my doctors and myself decided that a wheelchair may be a little more effective at helping me live a usual teenage-life, this change happened just before the return back to college and thus I began the new year with my shiny new wheels. Though most people were kind (or at least trying to be) there were occasionally small things that made everything more difficult. I often still have people remind me that they ‘don’t see the chair’ or ‘there’s nothing that I can’t do’ and though these sentiments come from a good place, it isn’t quite right. Not seeing the chair often feels like denying a part of me, though it doesn’t define me it is a trait just as my eye colour (or fabulous clothes) is a part of me. And of course, there is stuff I can’t do, I’m sure most of you can tell where I’m going here, but ignoring my inability to do something doesn’t make me able to do it (who knows maybe it does and I’m just being cynical... I’ll give it a go and get back to you). But there’s also the opposite of this, where people assume I can’t do anything, I’ll give you an example. Part of my course requires some crime-scene-photography, I’ll admit that sometimes my hand gets cramp and can make tasks difficult but photography is one of the more simple tasks I can do, unless of course someone takes the camera thinking they are being helpful and state ‘I’ll take the pictures for you, because… you know…*vaguely points to me*’, and I know that they are trying to help, but not giving me a choice really doesn’t help. Ill-health is strongly associated with age, in 2012, 67% of those aged 75 and over had a longstanding illness or disability, comparing with 14% of those aged 16–24 and of these the most common disability being mobility at 58%. In March 2013, the unemployment rate for disabled people stood at 12%, compared to 7.6% of non-disabled people (don’t worry my point will come along shortly). 1 in 6 of those who become disabled while in work lose their job during the first year after becoming disabled, most commonly this is not due to voluntary leave. Keeping in mind these facts, the number 1 thing that I would like to tell you all is that I do not choose to be ill, I do not choose to get around via a wheelchair because I think it would be fun (I think the injuries it causes can testify that). One of the first things I think about when I’m asked about the one thing I would change, it’s other people’s opinions of disabled people. Though older people are more likely to be ill/have mobility impairment, this doesn’t mean that young people can’t be sick. Do not mistake my lack of employment as apathy for work, it is not from a lack of trying. I admit that I am stubborn, so if you see me ask for help/receive help do not assume I am being lazy, the only reason I ever ask for or accept help is when I am so exhausted I cannot do anything else but ask for help(my pride be damned). Also if you ever see someone in a wheelchair clearly struggling and you wish to help them somehow, ask first. Everytime someone just comes over and starts pushing me without annoncing themselves it feels like my heart tries to escape the compounds of its cell, in other words, it sares the hell outta’ me.   Disabled people are significantly more likely to be victims of crime than non-disabled people. This gap is largest among 16-34 year-olds, where 39% of disabled people reported being victims of crime, compared to 28% of non-disabled people. It is estimated there are 62,000 disability motivated hate crimes each year on average. 56% of disabled people said they had experienced hostility, aggression or violence from a stranger because of their condition or impairment. After these facts i’m sure it’s understandable why it freaks me out so much when someone starts moving me without notce. If there are any mistakes in this piece it is all mine, i might have to check back tomorrow, for now im over tired and wim going to head to bed. Good-night all.