#started my new job which is good bc it sucks less than my old one but bad bc im working fewer hours

[capn-twitchery]

hi this is @neathyingenue! your drawing of lt. grace and capt. twitchery was so dynamic and i would love to know more about their relationship if you'd like to share 👀

OHOHO rubs my hands together--you've activated my trap card >:3 (also thank you sm!! :D♥︎) SO-

short answer: their relationship is a complicated nightmare at best, and it changes a ton over time. they meet in weird circumstances, things stay weird for a long time, & they end up "together." what that means, i have no idea, bc i think they would die before they talked about it or said they were Actually Dating

long answer: they meet when twitch rescues a very nearly dead grace from the arctic. twitch thinks this poor guy looks very haunted, which is apparently interesting enough for them to reroute the entire ship so they have an extra couple months to hound him for secrets.

upon getting back to london, they want nothing more to do with eachother: twitch got all the secrets they could, grace wants to get far away from this weirdo, preferably as soon as possible, thanks

so they part ways, for a while. grace starts working with the constables (he thinks he can help people there. poor guy) they keep giving him the unwanted jobs: drag bodies back home, sort the paperwork, stand guard outside the cells because this new inmate is chatty and it's annoying everybody else and-oh, it's twitch. of course it is.

they get talking, since there's nothing else to do, and twitch is Very Persistent. they strike a deal: grace can use his connections to get twitch on the good side of the legal records, and in return, twitch will give him free zee trips when he needs it. twitch thinks this will be basically never, since grace has nothing going on, right? so they got the better end of this deal for sure-what do you mean he's on an unhinged revenge mission to murder a fucking master of the bazaar? oh, they have got to see this.

grace is too reluctant to zail himself, has no other contacts & doesn't know anything about the neath. twitch is his only real, consistent source, and they want to see & know everything about how it's going-- this is like the most interesting story in the world to them! so they're spending a lot of time together. a weird amount of time together, really, for two people who don't spend lots of time around any one person in particular.

and it's...kind of fun? sure, twitch is very unreliable, their weirdness is still offputting to grace, sometimes-- but less than it used to be. they're nicer than he gave them credit for, smarter, and their enthusiasm is infectious. and grace is very helpful, it turns out, and it's nice to have company in the captain's cabin, and making him smile instead of looking miserable all the time starts to feel kind of like an accomplishment, and- oh, no.

they both react to their feelings about as well as you would expect: ignore them! or in twitch's case, ask the ship's surgeon to surgically remove them (and get refused. cruel.) they both deny their feelings for a long time. it could never work anyway, right? they're far too different.

except, not really. grace later finishes nemesis, and after parting (somwhat bitterly) with twitch & a brief stint at the grand geode, he realises maybe the laws here fucking suck, actually--maybe he doesn't need to uphold them to help people. lucky for him, twitch has a hell of a rivalry with the admiralty & it's only a matter of time before they cross paths again. he deserts the admiralty in the midst of a naval battle, onto twitch's ship.

til i give either of them an ending, they stay together from that point--at least, as much as they want to. old habits die hard--twitch still likes zailing off to do weird shit, twitch is still a criminal, grace is very much not (more of a vigilante, i guess.) they still can't talk about what they are, they still clash sometimes. but they make it work! captain & (honorary) first mate.

(& twitch's crew breathe a sigh of relief. bc they've been waiting for their emotional brick wall of a captain to semi admit it for at least a year)

[honking-up-a-storm]

6/23/23

Using this page to start off the day cuz idc that there's some doodles already on it. I think it's gonna be another slow day, 4 handicap spots are open, more open past the entrance, and the main lot is very empty. It could fill up who knows, but my hopes aren't very high. Funny how active online I was in 16'-17', maybe it's because that's when a lot of current websites came out that have a clear record. Ungh, I want to do something where is everyone? I guess I can get some reading done today. As long as my feet hold up I guess. I knew there would be slow days, but slow and standing in one spot is killing me. Oh! I bought the book so I can properly do this, it should be coming in 5-14 days, though the seller is in state so it should be quick enough. One car, not gonna touch it since it has the handicap adapter on it, I could drive it but I don't wanna adjust the settings. I think this writing is good for a least cracking a dent in this book. Had a very deep dream where things were okay again, makes no sense. If it's a premonition, I don't want it. Could try reaching out to her though. I feel bad and I miss her. Taking the easy way out isn't cute. There's totally shit going through my head right now that's too fast to write FFS. It's cuz I'm thinking about IT, which is annoying. I've exhausted all thoughts on the subject, made my conclusions, pretty much moved on less than a week later due to good timing on the new circles. I guess I'm frustrated with my exit. I had more time than I thought. I guess it's only natural to have wanted things to go your way. It just sucks cuz I wasn't attached to those thoughts and words anymore and the grief I have for them is still very potent no matter how much I try to hide and deny It. I find it odd too that I didn't feel sad after, I thought over the scenario so many times that I was sure I'd just fall apart, but I didn't and don't feel sorry for myself cuz I was a full-on bitch who deserved it. The frustration and grief are what linger. And I think grief is the appropriate word bc jesus christ I loved them, I loved all of them and I don't know why I was that fucking monstrous (Well therapy helped find the route of that but still, tldr: Family source, took that kinda shit talking as a normal way to vent and be done with it bc worse shit has gone around the house and yet everyone claims to love each other, should have never done it to my friends). And I'm frustrated because jesus christ even though I don't remember much of the exit I know I was just spewing bullshit and was pissed beyond hell that it was happening while I was not in a good spot mentally and physically. They probably think I threw myself into therapy because of the situation, but nah it's because for the first time in my life I let myself stand a little too close to the edge of the train platform and envisioned some things. But shit the only thing that stopped me was my own fear of death and that girl who got her leg torn off by the green line a few days prior. Anywho I'm glad I'm better, obviously not cured or perfect but much much better. My paranoia is gone, I'm less irritable, and life is just enjoyable again. It's kinda funny how I'm working a job where I was only in it for the money (financial issues strike again when the V work is said) but like I'm having like actual fun working, it's literally the perfect job for someone with ADHD, every day is different and I get to move a lot, interact with a lotta people. Also like I work with cars all day, I love driving. I'm in my pink era, I'm starting to love life again.

Notes:

A - Truman show/ Fleabagging, mirroring, mimicking, repeating, fixations, extremely picky with food, shutdown rather than lash out

M - Overstimulation, IFYKYK, sensory issues

N - Can drive, good balance

it feels like summer again

I am made up of so many things

Gift of the day from funny old dude regular: 3 Musketeers bar

"FTM" license plate is real

[thenon-fictiondays]

i'm thinking about doing a notification system where if you wanna be notified when i post an update on kagihira, if you leave a tip on one of the translation posts i'll tag you in future updates. do yall care enough about that or would it be pointless? i know tumblr sucks at showing stuff in tag searches and i've always had trouble following serial updates on stuff in the past so i thought it might be useful idk

[museum-spaces]

Blog update.

For those of you who forgot, or are new, the mandate of this blog is to promote museum accessibility. Especially for ND folk but all aspects of access are explored here.

I'm Farmer (they/them/any) and I'm a disabled museolgist (someone who studies the work of museums).

It is the social media side of www.museumspaces.com which I haven't updated since 2019. Since then I moved to Tofino BC, a town of less than 2000 citizens and a museum smaller than the Small Gallery at the AGN.

I spent 1/2 of 2019 and all of 2020 there and then ran away. I say ran away because that's literally how my brain categorizes my move out of Tofino. Flee. Flight. Escape.

Anyway. This is because right at the start of 2020(before covid got to Canada) I started having panic attacks. Covid made everything worse and I spun into a very deep depression. I don't remember a whole lot of 2020 but I know it sucked.

I somehow reached out for support and had an amazing OT from May-ish until December when I left. She is the only reason I might have stayed.

Anyway on Dec 22, 2021 I got my new appartment. I moved in on the 27th. I hardly left the appartment until February.

I learned to knit.

By mid June I was well enough to start working part time. I'm currently a laundry associate at a hotel. It does not pay the bills. I also thought I was ready to volunteer at the local city museum.

I lasted 2 hours.

My puppy came home to me on Aug. 18th. He turns 9 months old tomorrow. Almost as soon as he got here I've been having odd illnesses. Pink eye, sinus infection, new allergy? Etc. He's doing great and loving the snow. He has also improved my life in measurable ways like I knew a pup would back in 2019.

With @chaotic-archaeologist 's help I've started really exploring archaeology. He recommended a great intro textbook and pointed me towards a Canadian who often runs digs. I might be going on one this summer. I still have some time to apply though.

In the last month I have started applying for museum jobs again. I have interviewed at a few for various positions. I have an interview for a cruise ship art gallery on Friday. Not sure I want that one (my grandma was on a cruise ship at the start of the pandemic), but its good practice to go through the motions. Its been a while.

With any luck I'll land on a job in a museum in a city somewhere. I'm hoping for Ontario but I will go where there is work for me. Then its saving up again and applying to either a second masters or a phd.

With reaching out about jobs etc, I am once again dipping my toe into museum accessibilty. With that I hope to liven up this blog, and the site too.

I can't promise much, but I will try.

[oswald-privileges]

ALL RIGHT BUT YOU ASKED FOR IT

Power of Three as a series is just. full of weaknesses, most of which come down to poor continuity and structure. I'm not gonna try and fix ALL of those, bc that'd be laborious as hell, but I will pick out things that I feel are the most egregious as case studies.

What Po3 does have, tho, is an absolutely shining strength in the concept of its three main characters. After twelve books of Blandly Heroic Protagonist Syndrome, Jayfeather is an absolute godsend. He's angry! He's rude! He's unhappy! He's not nice. I Love Him And He's My Son. Lionblaze has his invincible pride (hah) and emergent bloodlust, and Hollyleaf has her moral absolutism and certainty. These are good starting points for characters. Sadly, the lack of continuity undermines what could have been three really good character arcs.

So! I present to you:

HOW TO MAKE "WARRIORS: THE POWER OF THREE" NOT COMPLETELY SUCK ACCORDING TO MY PERSONAL TASTE; A NON-EXHAUSTIVE, NON-CONSECUTIVE LIST BY ME

ONE

- Have there be a persistant, overarching series threat. Sol is a character with amazing villain potential who does literally nothing except hang around, and do exactly 2 Bad Things completely off-screen. This Is Not Good.

- Instead, have him be present from the second book onwards- initially introduced as a friendly but enigmatic outsider who is slowly revealed across the series to be a complete black hole of a personality, a social parasite quietly rearranging whatever community he's a part of to just-so-happen to benefit him as much as humanly possible. His "preach individualism not starclan" methods are not so much values as one strategy out of many. (to those who know me- yes i have a type. no i will not apologise.)

- Maybe his ultimate goal is to dissolve and centralise the clans or something so that he can live out his life as a political puppetmaster in all the cat-luxury he likes. idk it's hard to imagine overall stakes for this rewrite BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL DOESN'T HAVE ANY

TWO

- For gods sake you don't have a series based on the premise of "the main characters develop super powers" and then only have the second power confirmed by the end of the fourth book. I understand the first book mostly focusing on Jayfeather- his powers are obvious from the start, he's got the strongest personality of the three, he gets access to most of the prophecy plot stuff because of them. But you NEED to have the other two show an interest in something concrete happening to them beyond that, and you need to at least hint towards the other two having something unique to them even if nobody clocks it yet.

- Have Jayfeather tell his siblings about the prophecy by the end of book two at the latest. The amount of time he spends noodling around not sharing it with them is inexcusable. It's not that it's out of character for him to hang onto a secret for a bit, it's just that there's no point and it slows everything down. It would be equally in character for him to go to his siblings and be like "look, i'm SPECIAL. well you as well but ALSO ME". Boy starts off as desperate for recognition, what can I say

THREE

- Have Jayfeather discover that StarClan don't withhold signs or information on purpose for the sake of "building courage and faith" or whatever nonsense. Seeing and communicating the future is metaphysically very difficult, so interpreting signs and messages is a genuine skill, or even an art. The cats of StarClan, however, really are just ghosts, much more similar to living cats than the currently living believe. This is the impotus for Jayfeather's discarding of his reverence for StarClan, which remains consistent throughout the series.

- Have Hollyleaf and Jayfeather both still change their cat careers in the first book, but put place more attention on the fact that they basically switched jobs. Have a scene where they end up yelling at each other, because can't the other see how lucky they have it? The tension breaks when they realise they've both lost something important to them- Jayfeather his chance to prove he's as capable as a sighted cat, and Hollyleaf her path to helping her clan in the way she thinks is best. They commiserate together, and reluctantly promise to do the best they can with their lots, so they don't waste the path the other wishes they'd taken. This closeness is eroded over the series as they disagree more and more on the subject of StarClan and its role in their moral choices and obligations.

FOUR

- Speaking of Hollyleaf! I nearly threw my phone across the room when the first Omen of the Stars book claimed that Hollyleaf "worked so hard to discover her power to help her clan". Where, Ms Erins??? I would have LOVED to have seen that!! Hollyleaf expresses absolutely no concern over the details of what power she has/will develop, and only has a couple of scenes even touching on her ambitions to help her clan. She has some vague ideas about becoming leader and like one scene where she gets to do some leadery things, but that never gets followed up on. What does happen is that the whole "warrior code" thing becomes more and more a part of her personality (for no clear reason) until she snaps.

- Hollyleaf going off the deep end is something I wanted so badly to get into and be moved by, because I could see where it comes from! Her moral certainty is fascinating, especially since it's based in something as abstract as the warrior code- which, when you think about it, isn't really... anything. There's no concrete set of rules that make it up, no traditional wording or cat philosophers, not even any fables. It's a handful of agreed-upon, common sense rules- don't cross boundaries, don't take prey that isn't yours, respect your ancestors, and don't murder. That's it!

- So, combining the above points, I think Hollyleaf not being one of the Three should stay, but both the audience and the characters are given good reason to believe she is. By around the third volume, make it so that Hollyleaf has found that her power is to get cats to "Do The Right Thing"- i.e. what she wants them to do. She sneaks off often to see Sol, who teachs her how to use this power. Her siblings are concerned about this new power, having already gotten a glimpse at what Sol can do, but she's confident that she can only use this power for good. Volume-specific plot happens, Sol manipulates her into causing him to win, she is shocked and horrified, and vows to stick ridgedly to what she knows is right i.e. The Warrior Code

- However, the more fervently she tries to stick to this abstract idea, the less it gives her results, the more her power seems to be failing. Believing that StarClan is taking her power away from her, she becomes caught up in a faith-guilt spiral that puts her in the position to snap at the end of the series. By that point it's clear to her siblings that Hollyleaf has no power- she was just very, very good at persuading people to do what she wanted.

FIVE

- Lionblaze is a girl now because I Said So. This Cat Is Trans And There's Nothing You Can Do About It.

- Her relationship with Heathertail stays the same- childhood sweethearts who are torn apart as they begin to understand the nature of the societal divides that exist between them.

- This can be used to contextualise the whole "half clan/outsider blood" thing as a cultural contradiction. In reality, inter- and outer- clan relationships aren't at all rare. They can't be, otherwise the whole society would be inbred out of existence in like five generations. But if at least one society of humans can spend a good 200 years pretending Sex Is Bad And Sinful Actually then cats can have persistant cat-racism in the face of all logic. Heathertail clocks this contradiction, Lionblaze doesn't.

- Her relationship-to-power arc doesn't need changing all that much either, other than starting much sooner and being more consistent. At first, she's completely overjoyed by her power, since unlike her siblings, it lines up so well with her ambition- become the finest warrior any of the clans have to offer. As the berserker rage aspect becomes more prevelent, she becomes more and more disturbed by the fact that she isn't disturbed by what she can do, and that she doesn't want the escalation of her power to stop.

- Tigerstar still does his thing, but Brambleclaw knows about it. He recognises the signs from when his father used to visit him, and tries to train Lionblaze in his own way. She ends up caught between wanting to be a good warrior, and testing the limits of her power.

SIX

- Jayfeather can stay basically the same because he's my perfect little angy boy and nothing needs to change. His arcs can be strengthened by having a more robust relationship with Yellowfang where they try to out-bitch each other, and coming to terms with his internalised ablism. Maybe he has a chat with Mothwing about faith a couple of times. Him furiously lashing out at being offered help transitions into an acceptence and understanding of his abilities more naturally. He never stops being A Grumpy Old Man.

- All fucking past-lives unexplained time travel goes in the BIN. Doesn't fucking happen. You can have that lore dump sprinkled across the books, or come from going deep into the tunnels and having a surreal meeting. Make it properly eldritch-level scary, shake Jayfeather's confidence in the idea of them being just a bunch of ghosts.

SEVEN

- Have the way Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight present very clearly as parents to the Three be explicitly, textually unusual. One of the things I liked so much about the first series was an almost total lack of emphasis on who was mated with who, and who was related or not. It felt very real to how feral cat colonies form, where raising kittens is a communal job. This gets completely dropped the moment series 2 starts and now the cats have monogamy.

- This emphasis on the family unit and fostering close relationships between parents and kittens is deliberate on the part of both Leafpool and Squirrelflight. Their aim is to cover for Leafpool so she doesn't lose her role as medicine cat- something she already gave up Crowfeather for before she was pregnant.

- In that little bit of backstory, have a robust reason for both Leafpool and Squirrelflight to leave the camp while Leafpool is pregnant and giving birth, possibly one that ties into the present day story in some minor way. I don't know how, it would just make that element of the story a lot more ground than "we left, the kits were born, then we came back and everyone was cool with it"

- When it comes to the "I am Not your mother" reveal, Jayfeather and Lionblaze are confused and hurt that they were lied to, but come to the reasonable conclusion that well, since they were raised mostly by Squirrelflight, saw Leafpool often, and are loved by both, they don't hate her. Lionblaze has something of a crisis over being half-clan, possibly initiating an attempted reunion with Heathertail. Jayfeather is more concerned with how other cats will think it makes him lesser, something he's still sensitive too.

- Hollyleaf, meanwhile, completely fucking snaps at the way her mother Violated Part Of The Code. It's a completely irrational reaction, but expected because she's been growing more and more reliant on The Code for the whole series, and less and less stable in her attempts to aid her clan and train to be its new leader.

- Squirrelflight is the one to murder Ashfur. This is easy to work out while reading- she's literally the only one of the four with a motive who isn't a perspective character. The mystery is less around finding out who did it, and more about why she did it (it's very ambiguous as to whether it was an accident or not). The main tension comes from who finds out when.

- Lionblaze is shocked, awed by how far she'd go to protect the three of them, and reassures her she did the right thing (as a way to salve her own uncertainty over her own longing for violence). Jayfeather makes it all about himself because he's Jayfeather- upset that he didn't know immediately, instead of, you know, figuring it out in a few hours because he can basically read minds. They try their best to hide it from Hollyleaf, who is already rattling around the final volume as a full-on antagonist, but are unsuccessful. This almost costs them something incredibly important- possibly Squirrelflight's life.

EIGHT

- the whole plot with the Tribe Of Rushing Water is a MASSIVE can of worms that could be removed from the series without issue. As it is:

- Characterize the Tribe as uncertain of how to fight other cats, because yes, they haven't had to do this before. DON'T characterise them as pathetic, doing whatever their leader says without thinking, and with ancestors who have Given Up

- Have some of the Tribe be really good at the violence. Worryingly good. Have others be sickened by what they're being asked to do.

- Have some of the clan cats reflect on what they've done. Hollyleaf would be all for introducing this society to jesus The Code, but even she might be horrified at being thanked by a tribe cat who can't wait to get out there and win themselves glory, only to be killed a few hours later

- The Tribe begin a new tradition of marking the walls in the mud they use as camoflage in order to commemorate their battles, and memorialise the fallen. One of the characters reflects on the fact that in a generation or two, the Tribe will feel like it's always been this way. How many of their own traditions- those that feel almost like natural law- started out the same way?

- Have Sol as the leader of the invaders, or maybe having insinuated himself into the tribe as a "mediator" and doing his charismatic cult leader thing.

NINE

- Cinderheart isn't a reincarnation of Cinderpelt. She's just named after her bc Cinderpelt saved her mother from a badger. this is because I think the reincanation thing is stupid and I can't think of a way to make it good.

TEN

- No more using tails as hand gestures like covering people's mouths. Never. None of it. It's expunged from existence.

Disclaimer: I haven't read Omen of the Stars yet, so I can't account for anything that might happen in that series that's grounded in Po3. I'm like... two thirds of the way through the first volume. I'm Not Impressed.

[thompsborn]

fic where harley is a doctor that works w helen cho that sees peter often because of how much he gets hurt from being spider-man? and they fall in love bc they r already smitten for each other bc why wouldn't they be

i didn’t know how much i needed an au like this until you sent it omg

[read on ao3]

—

He’s in the middle of taking a sip of coffee when the alarm goes off.

“Mister Keener,” Friday says, as he’s cursing over the hot coffee that’s soaking into the front of his shirt. Thankfully, it’s not hot enough to actually burn him, but that doesn’t make it any less unpleasant. “Your assistance is needed in the Medical Wing.”

Harley frowns. “What time is it?”

“Four fifty eight in the morning, Mister Keener.”

“Jesus, really?” Harley sets his mug down and turns his arm over to look at his watch. His brows shoot up towards his hairline, surprised. “Wow. Okay. Didn’t realize it was... Jesus. Alright.”

Friday sounds almost amused when she tells him, “Doctor Cho is insisting you hurry.”

Harley sighs. “Yeah, okay. On my way.”

At this time of the night, the only medical staff on hand are the ones who live close by—like Helen, who has an apartment less than a two minute walk away—and those who live on site, like Harley, who’s had his own floor in the tower since he was fifteen and told Tony over a phone call that he was thinking about coming to New York once he was done with high school. Because of this, Harley isn’t all that surprised to find that it’s only him and Helen that show up in the MedBay—if anything, it’s what he expected.

And he should have expected who, exactly, they’re treating in the middle of the night, but he still finds himself mildly surprised when he comes face to face with Peter’s sheepish grin.

“Of course it’s you,” Harley says, standing at the foot of the hospital bed with his arms crossed over his chest. “Who else would be waking me up like this?”

“Don’t lie to me,” Peter says, sheepish grin turning a bit snarky. “You weren’t asleep.”

Harley purses his lips. “I could’ve been.”

Peter rolls his eyes, but doesn’t get the chance to respond before Helen is hovering by his side, snapping her gloves into place and instructing, “Friday, give me the run down.“

“Mister Parker has several second degree burns along his left leg and left arm,” Friday responds. “His right wrist is broken, and there appears to be a laceration along his abdomen.”

Harley winces in sympathy. “Rough night?”

Peter tries to shrug, but the movement makes his features twist up in a flash of pain. His voice comes out a bit strained when he says, “You could say that. There was—house fire. Not fun.”

“Get everyone out?” Harley asks, if only to provide a slight distraction as Helen assesses the broken wrist, likely checking to see if it needs to be reset or if it’ll be able to heal properly as it is. Peter tries for a grin.

“All of ‘em. Even the kids pet turtle.”

Harley pats Peter’s right knee, careful to remember that it’s his left leg with the burns. “Job well done, Spider-Man.”

“Harley,” Helen says, grabbing his attention. She’s apparently deemed Peter’s wrist not a main concern and is already peeling Peter’s suit off of him. Harley snaps into focus instantly, listening intently as Helen tells him, “I need you to take care of the laceration while I get started on the burns. When that’s done, we need to get that wrist in a cast until it heals.”

Peter pouts. “A cast? Really?”

Helen looks at him sharply. “Last time we didn’t put you in a cast, you managed to re-break your arm before it could heal. Twice.”

Peter’s pout vanishes with a meek chuckle. “It was an accident?” he offers.

“You, Peter Parker,” Helen says, averting her attention back to his burns as she speaks, “are somehow my best and my worst patient of all time. And I’m Tony Stark’s doctor, too, so that says a whole lot about you.”

“Hey—” Peter cuts off with a hiss as Harley starts to disinfect the large cut on his side. Harley offers an apologetic half smile that Peter waves away with another wince and a wobbly sort of grin. “I’m not worse than Mr. Stark.”

Helen hums, high pitched and teasing.

“I’m not,” Peter insists. “I’m not!”

“Believe what you want,” Helen tells him.

Peter huffs. “Why are you being mean to me? Aren’t doctors supposed to be nice to their patients? Isn’t that, like, a thing?”

Harley snorts when Helen says, “Next time, don’t wake me up at four in the morning with second degree burns and a broken wrist, and maybe then I’ll be nicer to you, hm?”

—

The thing is, Harley didn’t plan on this.

As in, growing up, he was sure that what he wanted was to be a mechanic. He loved to build, take apart, recreate, understand. It’s all he ever did. Hell, when Tony Frickin’ Stark broke into his garage, the guy ended up making Harley his own mechanic heaven to say thanks for helping him out.

And Harley still loves all of that, to be fair—he spends a lot of his free time tinkering in Tony’s lab now, helping him out with whatever the man’s working on and often working on his own fun little projects on the side—but it’s not his main drive. It’s not the center of his world.

He thinks it started when he saved Tony.

In a way, anyway—he had only been twelve at the time, and it’s not like twelve year olds are exactly apt on having life changing realizations that change the course of their future. Still, he was a twelve year old that saved Tony Stark’s life, and there was some kind of thrill, almost. It was hard to explain then, and Harley isn’t sure if he could put it into words now, but the feeling had made his fingers feel all tingly and his heart thud heavily in his chest. It was similar to when he built his first successful bot and it came whirring to life, only the feeling was intensified.

He felt like he was doing what he was supposed to be doing. He knew he wanted to save lives.

“You’re getting better,” Helen tells him, after Harley’s helped the medical team with bandaging up the members of the Avengers that just returned from a mission. None of the wounds had been major, mostly just scrapes and bruises, but it’s the most amount of people Harley has helped treat at once, which is a big step.

Harley shrugs, drying off his hands, having just finished washing them. “You’re a good teacher.”

Helen chuckles at that. “How are your classes?”

“Good,” Harley answers, nodding his head. “Kinda boring. I know most of it already, thanks to all the training you’ve given me, but that‘s not really new. I knew everything they taught me in high school, too.”

“You sound like Peter when you say that,” Helen muses, an amused quirk to her brow.

Harley rolls his eyes. “Y’know, people keep saying that, but I only see him when he’s bleeding out and that doesn’t make it feel like we’re all that similar.”

“Oh, you’re similar, alright,” Helen says, laughing a bit. “You’re both genius kids who bust your asses off to save people’s lives.”

Wrinkling his nose, Harley says, “But I don’t do it in spandex. Key difference there, doc.”

Helen holds her hands up in some kind of surrender. “Just saying, you two are alike.”

“I’ll make sure to tell him you said that next time he breaks his leg,” Harley quips.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Friday interjects, “but Spider-Man is reportedly injured and heading to the tower now. ETA of six and a half minutes.”

Harley rolls his eyes up to the ceiling with an exasperated sigh. Helen can only laugh.

—

“Ow. Ow, ow—oh, Jesus, that’s—ow—!”

“Sorry,” Harley says, only averting his eyes for a second to flash Peter an apologetic look before focusing back on the stitches he’s giving him.

Peter curses, slamming his left fist into his own thigh as Harley pushes the needle through. “This sucks,” he complains, clenching his jaw and grinding his teeth. “This is—why is this worse than getting stabbed? Why do I prefer getting stabbed over this? This blows.”

“You need to stop moving,” Harley tells him.

Making an indignant sort of noise, Peter asks, “How the hell am I—I can’t stop moving! This hurts, man, like—like, really fuckin’ hurts!”

“Moving makes it worse, dipshit,” Harley retorts, fighting the urge to roll his eyes.

“You know what else makes it worse?” Peter glares at the wall. “Not having pain killers.”

Harley does roll his eyes now. “Not my job. I just give you the drugs, I don’t make them.”

“I know, but Mr. Stark isn’t here for me to bitch at, so I’m complaining to you about it instead.”

Harley can’t help the way that he snorts at that, finishing off the last of the stitches as he does so. “I usually don’t like to listen to someone complain while I’m working.”

“Sucks to suck,” Peter replies. “Are you done?”

“Yep.” Harley leans back, taking off his gloves and tossing them into the trash. “Any other injuries? Stab wounds? Broken bones?”

Peter hums, tilting his head from side to side. “I don’t think so. Friday?”

“All clear, Mr. Parker.”

Harley frowns. “The fact that you had to ask worries me.”

Peter shrugs. “I get hurt a lot. Kinda used to it.”

“Still,” Harley says. “That’s concerning. Like, you still feel pain, right? You would know if you were hurt somewhere else, wouldn’t you?”

“Oh, trust me, I feel pain,” Peter snorts. “But some things just... don’t matter? Like... I dunno, but if it’s not serious, it’s like my brain filters it out on it’s own to focus on other things. Which, probably, y’know, not good, but, like, oh well.”

“Definitely not good,” Harley murmurs, frowning to himself as he squints around the room for a moment. “Well, if you have nothing else, then you’re good to go. And, honestly, thank god that’s all you have, ‘cause this is the first time I’ve done anything without Helen around and anything more than stitches would’ve had me flipping shit and fucking it all up.”

Peter lets out a light laugh, pulling his shirt down, over the gash that Harley just finished stitching. “You wouldn’t fuck it up,” he says, sounding light and humorous yet entirely serious, too. “You’re, like, really good at your job, Harley.”

Harley scrunches his nose up on his face. “Ew. Don’t be nice to me. It’s gross.”

Peter laughs again, a little bit louder, though the way it makes his stomach jump has him wincing when it pulls at his stitches. “I’m serious!” he insists. “Like, I know you’re still a med student and stuff, but Helen is probably the best person to be training you, so you’re, like, more qualified than most normal doctors. You have the experience that most people still in med school don’t have. I mean, you patch up the freakin’ Avengers, Harley! You gotta be good at this to do that!”

“I help patch up the Avengers,” Harley corrects. “The only person I’ve ever fixed up by myself is you, thanks to your insane ability to always get hurt.”

“It’s a talent,” Peter shrugs. “And hey, I bet it keeps you entertained.”

Harley snorts. “Entertained is not the right word for it, Spidey. Impressed, maybe, by just how much trouble you’re capable of getting yourself into.”

Peter grins. “Gotta impress people somehow, right?”

—

Harley wouldn’t call it bonding.

Because it’s not. It’s not bonding. It’s small talk, and pleasant conversations, while Harley sets a broken bone or treats another burn. It’s filling the silence because, apparently, Helen trusts Harley to handle Peter on his own, unless it’s a major injury that requires more than one person on hand, and Harley isn’t sure why he’s being trusted with this, but he’s pretty intent on not fucking it up.

But it isn’t bonding. They’re just... acquaintances. Who talk. Like, a lot, because Peter comes in at least four times a week needing treatment for something, and that gives them a lot of time to talk. Maybe Harley learns a lot about Peter during this time, like his favorite song, and what his comfort hoodie is, and why he became Spider-Man in the first place. Maybe Peter learns where Harley is from, how he met Tony, and what made him decide to be a doctor over a mechanic.

Maybe, after a few weeks, they start having inside jokes, built not only from the time they spend alone together, but also from the months upon months that Harley was helping Helen treat Peter, too. Sometimes, Peter snorts so hard that he reopens his stitches and Harley has to fix it. Sometimes, Harley can’t stop laughing when he needs to have steady hands and he ends up hunching over on himself and wheezing because of whatever it is that Peter said. One day, Peter comes in when he isn’t injured, dressed in casual clothes with a few textbooks from his ESU courses in one hand and a coffee cup in the other. “I’m headed up to see Mr. Stark,” he tells Harley, “but I thought I’d give you this,” and he holds out the cup of coffee with a big, cheesy sort of grin.

“Why?” Harley asks, though he accepts the cup gratefully.

Peter shrugs. “I’d probably have bled out ten times over if it weren’t for you, and you looked, like, really tired yesterday, so I thought you might need it.”

He is tired—exhausted, really, because his classes may not be hard but there are some big tests coming up that he needs to study for and it’s hard to find the time to study in between training with Helen and doing all the millions of other assignments that are being tossed his way. He takes a sip of the coffee, hums in satisfaction at the way it warms him up, and says, “Thanks.”

“Least I could do,” Peter tells him.

So, maybe they’re friends. Maybe—maybe—Harley is starting to look forward to seeing him and keeps trying to think of a casual way to offer they hang out sometime, outside of the med bay. Maybe Peter starts bringing Harley a cup of coffee every time he goes to visit Tony, and maybe Harley starts to feel a little thrill whenever he hands the coffee over and their fingers briefly brush.

Maybe it is bonding, but it’s not a crush. It’s not.

(”You’re adorable when you’re in denial,” Helen tells him.

Harley sinks in his seat and tries to disappear. “Shut up.”)

—

The letters of his textbook are blurring in front of his eyes when the alarm rings.

He jumps at the sound, looks up at the ceiling with slightly squinted eyes and furrowed brows, expecting Friday to calmly inform him that his assistance is needed in the med bay, like usual. Instead of that, though, the alarm continues to blare, and all Friday says is, “Urgent. Urgent. Urgent.”

Which is code for: someone’s about to die if he doesn’t hurry.

Instantly, he jumps to his feet, feeling wide awake despite being on the brink of dozing off just a few short moments ago. “Okay,” he tells himself, rushing out of his room and sprinting towards the elevator, which is already open and waiting for him. He only just barely thinks to swipe his tablet along the way, clutches it in his hands while he says, “Okay, okay, okay—who, uh—Friday? Who is it?”

“Iron Man and Spider-Man are both heavily injured and require immediate assistance,” Friday informs him gravely. “Doctor Cho is already treating Mr.Stark and has told me to inform you that you will be in charge of Mr. Parker.”

“Oh, god,” Harley breathes, pinching the bridge of his nose and giving himself a second to take a deep breath while the elevator takes him down to the proper floor. “Jesus. Okay. I need, uh—give me a list of Peter’s injuries, Fri.”

“Of course, Mr. Keener.”

The list is sent to his tablet immediately, and it’s—extensive. Third degree burns and multiple shattered ribs and various bullet wounds, only some of which are clean through, meaning that there’s various bullets that they need to remove before Peter starts to heal around them. The more he reads, the faster his heart thunders in his chest while his mind automatically sorts through it to think of what needs to be prioritized, what to treat first, and how to keep Peter alive.

By the time he reaches Peter’s room, he has a game plan figured out, and he only falters for a short moment when he sees Peter on the hospital bed, writhing around and sobbing in pain. The rest of the medical staff in the room freeze, likely already aware that Helen put him in charge, and wait with bated breath.

“Alright,” Harley says, mostly to himself. “Here’s what we’re going to do.”

—

Maybe it is a crush.

Harley is finding it hard to deny it now, as he sits beside Peter’s hospital bed, his hands feeling a little bit shaky where they’re clasped together and hanging between his knees. They had to undergo emergency surgery, and Peter’s heart had stopped four times throughout the procedure. Bringing him back had been the most panic inducing thing Harley has ever experienced in his life, and he couldn’t even show it because he was the one that was put in charge.

But they did, all four times —they got his heart going again and they got out all the bullets and treated all the burns and did everything they could to stabilized the broken bones. They gave him multiple IV’s, all of which he’s still attached to, and he hasn’t woken up since he passed out from the pain shortly after Harley’s arrival—and he passed out looking at Harley, too, with wide, pleading eyes that seemed to be begging for mercy, filled with agony and despair.

Harley would do anything to never have to see that look again.

“How’s he doing?” Helen asks, stepping into the room. She looks tired, undoubtedly exhausted from doing whatever she could to stabilize Tony just a few rooms down. Harley feels that exhaustion in his very bones.

“He’s gonna be fine,” Harley tells her. “Lost him a few times, though.”

Helen hums sympathetically. “But you got him back.”

Harley hesitates, then nods. “Yeah, we did.”

“Good,” Helen says, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder. “You did good.” She stays like that for a moment, doesn’t move, and Harley appreciates the gesture but kind of wants to be alone. Maybe she senses that, because a moment later, she’s pulling her hand back and asking, “Are you staying here?”

“‘Til he wakes up,” Harley tells her.

Helen smiles at him warmly. “Make sure you get some rest, too, okay?”

Harley doesn’t think he’ll be able to sleep until he sees Peter awake and talking again, but he still nods at her and says, “Yeah, alright.”

After Helen leaves the room, after it’s just Harley and Peter again, he finds himself reaching forward and taking Peter’s hand in his, and, other than the innocent brush of fingers when passing a coffee cup, this is the first time they’ve touched outside of Harley treating Peter’s wounds. It’s a bit of a startling realization, but Harley finds comfort in the contact, listens to the steady beeping of the heart monitor and starts to relax with the reassurance that he really did good, that Peter is going to be okay and Harley is the one that saved him.

He doesn’t mean to fall asleep, but with that relief flooding his veins and Peter’s hand in his, he finds himself dozing off and doesn’t bother forcing himself awake.

—

At first, he doesn’t realize he’s waking up, his senses still muddled with sleep. It feels almost as if he’s floating in unconsciousness, warm and comfortable and— 

“Harley?”

And he wakes with a jolt, eyes snapping open and instantly searching, only coming to a stop when they land on wide brown eyes looking right back at him. “Oh,” he breathes, blinking once and sitting up straight despite the way it makes his back complain. “Oh, my god. You’re awake.”

Peter tilts his head, just a little bit, and looks down at their intertwined fingers.

“Right. That.” Harley clears his throat and scrubs his free hand over his features, trying to wake himself up with a sheepish little smile. “It’s, um—not important, actually. How do you feel? Any pain, discomfort, anything like that?”

For a moment, Peter doesn’t respond, just keeps looking at their hands before rasping out a hoarse little, “’m kinda—kinda thirsty. M’throat hurts.”

Instantly, Harley gets to his feet and pulls open the mini fridge in the room to grab a bottle of water. He takes it back to Peter, hands it over, and feels somewhere stuck between doctor mode and something else, the worry and the uncertainty and the fear from hearing the flat line all mixing together until he feels nauseous with it. Peter accepts the water bottle gratefully, takes tentative sips from it and only winces slightly when he swallows it. “Better?” Harley asks.

Peter smiles, a bit small and tired, but just as genuine as always. “Yeah.”

“Good,” Harley murmurs, hovering by the chair he had been sitting in before. “Is there anything else? Just, like—anything at all? How do you feel?”

“Tired,” Peter tells him. “Like, um... groggy, y’know? And... out of it.”

Harley nods, a bit relieved that the dose of pain killers he chose was the right amount. “That’s to be expected. You were really roughed up, Pete.”

Peter frowns down at his water, brows knitting together. “What happened?”

“There was an ambush,” Harley tells him. “I guess Doc Ock was out and about, so you went to confront him and he got enough hits in to alert Tony, so he went to help you out, but Ock apparently teamed up with Rhino and they were able to catch you guys off guard and get the upper hand. Rhodey and a few others went to help out, but they didn’t get there in time to stop you guys from nearly getting killed, so, when you came in, it was... not pretty. But, you’re both gonna be fine.”

He wants to say that it’s not a crush. It can’t be a crush, isn’t supposed to be one, even if seeing the way Peter lets out a puff of air and relaxes back into his pillows is kind of a... not so bad sight. He looks tired and a bit beat up and a little too pale, but he’s good. He’s alive. Being alive looks good on him.

Maybe, Harley admits. Maybe it is a crush.

“Thank you,” Peter murmurs, head lulling back into the pillows. He holds out a hand and Harley isn’t sure what the action is for, but he doesn’t think before reaching forward and tangling their fingers together.

Harley clears his throat. “What for?”

“Not letting me die,” Peter says.

The mere idea of letting Peter die makes Harley’s heart stutter in his chest. “Of course,” he mumbles, a bit stricken. “I’ll always save you. It’s my job.”

Peter squeezes Harley’s hand, falls asleep with a sigh and a smile on his face.

Harley still doesn’t leave.

(It’s definitely, one hundred percent, a huge, gigantic crush, and maybe... maybe he’s okay with that. Maybe liking Peter Parker isn’t all that bad.)

[plounce]

my Concepts for aj2

so these are my thoughts and ideas about the game that would follow aa4 in a timeline where we got a coherent apollo trilogy rather than aa5 and aa6. as such, i am discarding aa5 and aa6′s apollo backstories because i find them incoherent as an arc and only slapped onto him for the plots of the games. etc etc. theorizing on squandered potential is me-bait. trucy and klavier get to have THEIR place in the narrative as important characters!! (sorry athena. you will get your own trilogy with good writing and a better design in this timeline too)

this is very stream of consciousness and while i think it’s fairly coherent it is also not chronologically organized as i build on ideas. i am genuinely sorry if the read more doesn’t work on mobile because this thing is stupid long.

containing:

apollo, trucy, and klavier being a firm Trio and getting character development and growing closer :)

themes about found family, letting yourself love/be loved, performance and persona, love giving you strength to do good, you being the one to determine your identity

exploration of the trio’s backstories and the development of their skills

prosecutor franziska chipping away at the corruption within the legal system

klavier being the assistant for a case

kristoph continuing to be a corrupt bastard

buildup to the sibling reveal & canon klapollo in the conclusion of the trilogy

- apollo is the main character

- phoenix is absent for like the entire game besides maybe a couple tiny flashbacks, later revealed to be working with edgeworth on anti-corruption stuff (which is also tied to kristoph & kristoph’s ties within the legal system, “old boys club” etc)

- trucy is assistant for first half of the game

- klavier is assistant for second half of the game. his hair is in a little bun or ponytail :) no drill hair for THIS individual person

- klavier is prosecutor for trucy assistant cases. in the 3rd case klavier was supposed to prosecute against apollo but things keep getting fishier and fishier and things keep reminding them of kristoph. klavier is ordered off the case from on high. mysterious replacement. klavier is too invested in seeing truth & justice come to light so he helps apollo

- franziska prosecutes cases 3 & 4. she has short hair and it’s super sexy and hot.

- kristoph set things up so that klavier is implicated in things. dig into how klavier and apollo feel unable to escape kristoph’s influence - “he’s too foundational”

- 4th case klavier is on trial. oh maybe 3 isn’t about kristoph but it’s just background stuff about the rampup to the 4th case - klavier is put on probation while things are investigated but he doesn’t know WHY, but he’s still committed to his ideals

- trucy is pursuing her magic career, klavier still loves music - has been releasing solo stuff maybe, just some EPs for free/charity, but isn’t touring. focusing on law

- case 4 has a family friend (NOT A WOMAN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD... A MALE DAMSEL PLEASE) get accidentally poisoned through something klavier gave them. that’s the trial itself. kristoph was the source. klavier is arrested. it’s more complicated that this but it gets to this point. day 2 of the trial is when klavier is implicated and he gets yanked into cuffs from the defense bench

- one of case 4′s pillars is a memory from the gavin brothers’ childhood. discuss how kristoph was as a child. klavier has been realizing how... odd certain things were, and trying to pass it off as like “haha yeah kristoph would dissect dead birds and convince our parents that every mess was my fault. i guess that makes sense considering how he ended up haha? I Don’t Feel Strongly About This I Just Think It’s Funny :)”

- apollo’s perceive abilities expanding to be able to perceive general emotional states as well - along with learning to practice more empathy, being considerate. No Klavier And Trucy, You Are Not Fine. this is kind of like athena’s thing actually huh

- trucy, meanwhile, is learning to be more like. emotionally... independent? no. emotionally... self-caring. both independent in that she’s a young adult and also caring in that she is trying not to force herself to take care of everyone all the time and show her less pretty emotions to apollo. take care of herself

- case 1 has to do with something happening at trucy’s show/her career/her school etc. she’s still a real person etc. trucy’s friends mostly being adults, her feeling isolated at school. nah wait this is a slightly absurd world she’s not overly weird for her classmates necessarily. yeah ok it’s about magic

- case 2 has to do with klavier being a rockstar, the pressure of celebrity and public fascination with his persona. stalker fans, music industry, talk shows, etc. someone trying to convince him to come back to music. klavier has to arrest someone he’s fond of again. no big stadium performance in this game

- the trio all dealing with themes of hiding and trying not to feel “bad” emotions: apollo going “im fine” and suppressing his problems & just trying to do his job so he can cope with how overwhelmed & stressed he feels constantly etc etc + trucy hiding the secrets of her magic which is sort of representative of her hiding a lot of her sad/”ugly” feelings because she thinks she needs to because she thinks phoenix depends on her being cheerful all the time + klavier dealing with having a public persona and the pressures of being Himself, trying to be the person others see him as/want him to be, who is klavier when he is not performing? who are all of them when they are not performing? who are they performing for?

- yes i am a “woman” yes i am obsessed with the idea of performance

- trio all dealing with/feeling lonely wrt family: apollo learning more about jove (possibly during the music industry case - someone knew his dad, who refused a big contract), who he was & one of the cases involving someone from his past in the foster system - maybe it’s even clay! - but in general feeling very disconnected from “family” in general esp compared to trucy&klavier’s family troubles being so immediate and raw for them + trucy feeling lonely and kind of abandoned as phoenix is increasingly gone in this game and seeming very distant from her, similar to how zak abandoned her, and also the pains of growing up + klavier’s parents either are dead or are somewhat estranged after he got kristoph imprisoned, klavier feeling very lonely in general after his pursuit of truth&justice has snipped many of his connections from him

- yes i am gay yes i am obsessed with found family

- franziska having a moment of “i get how it is and it sucks” with klavier about Complicated Feelings About Family

- she eventually does realize during case 4 that klavier is guilty but has to hide it in order to push one of kristoph’s allies out into the open. sorry kid uh... what do you like. i will buy you. an ice cream? or something. look do you want a gift card i’ll buy you a gift card

- kristoph’s lawyer shows up near the start of the game to give things to apollo which he is deeply suspicious of but ema tests them and they come up clean. guy shows up here and there throughout the game. maybe tries to bribe apollo or something. apollo gets invited to a Fancy Lunch because he’s the one that bested kristoph gavin and that shows Promise. in a sense. or something. apollo being manipulated by people who refused to hire him when he got kristoph convicted etc

- themes about being young in a world full of secrets and webs of alliance that you feel barred from because you have ideals and won’t compromise them and also either come from nothing or burned all your bridges. just aa protag things <3

- oh maybe there’s a new judge who is also In On Nefarious Plots

- catching these people doesn’t fix everything but - it’s something. they got a couple shitheads

- trucy continues developing her gramarye abilities. more emotional depth. more exploration on complex feelings wrt phoenix and her childhood and her adolescence and how she’s fairly well-adjusted as one can be but also... the shit still hits yk... she’s like 16 years old so she’s maturing

- ema is there. she and apollo get along a bit better. asks after phoenix. provides evidence against klavier, and then evidence for.

- followup on apollo-edgeworth klavier-phoenix parallels - who is the one bringing them further into the light, chaser/chased, the one who wants more/the one who pushes away, etc etc

- follow through on implied gramarye mafia connections

- klavier isn’t super in the first case besides the courtroom and maybe one appearance, but he is like. worried about trucy if there is cause to be worried about her. set up their dynamic beyond trucy just liking the gavinners

- trucy&apollo and klavier&kristoph compares&contrast

- franziska is(/appears to be) very doubting/dismissive of apollo’s belief in klavier bc it’s like... are you pursuing the truth? or trying to shield your friend?

- apollo does end up almost very close believing klavier was in kahoots with kristoph/kristoph’s friends because it just looks. really bad. like it genuinely looks VERY BAD. and he’s like “i have to find truth like prosecutor von karma said”. yknow how with a lot of aa cases it starts out “oh no it looks open and shut” and then is like “NO WAY THEY COULD HAVE DONE IT... BUT HUH”. this one is reverse. and then straightens back out again. dig the hole then climb back out

- yeah the theme is like. “are you trying to find truth or do you want to protect your loved ones. what is your duty as a person, your job or your loved ones.” this carries through on klavier’s thread from aa4 where he has to work against his loved ones. meanwhile apollo, who is a bit more cool-tempered irritable grump, is the one going “oh god, am i biased towards my friends?” so it sort of flips. what kind of stories will you weave to clear your friends of blame? kristoph’s boys club.

- echo back to “evidence is everything” - this line of thinking (in a certain way) is what saves klavier when kristoph is trying to punish him for his betrayal

- since phoenix is away, the gramarye siblings aren’t revealed yet. but more info is dropped to compensate - stuff about jove and apollo’s childhood in the foster system and how that’s shaped him into someone who keeps people at arm’s length to keep himself safe; trucy and apollo getting closer despite that, trucy busting down those barriers because she needs his support and he’s like “oh my god i have to support her.” older sibling stuff.

- maybe the trucy case involves like. a mafia guy trying to collect on debts or smth and tries to ruin trucy, and threatens apollo. there’s a hint that is very obvious to the audience but is like “wow apollo he thought you were my brother!” like the mafia guy calls apollo “the other child” and apollo is like “hey, i’m 24!” which is humorous but also the audience is like Oh My God I Know What That Means

- there isn’t a deliberate withholding of information from phoenix - he literally is not there to withhold it. but there is still tension and stakes and weight to their relation - apollo keenly feeling his absence of family and trucy feeling sort of abandoned by phoenix

- phoenix is like “ok trucy you’re almost an adult so i’m trusting you to stay safe and responsible while i’m away. apollo will technically be in charge but i’m still trusting you” and privately to apollo is like “If Anything Bad Happens To Her. Your Head Is On The Line.” so it is just them making it on their own

- klavier drops the line “watching you two is like what kristoph and i should have had” and then there’s a couple “...” dialogue boxes as the audience is like I KNOW WHAT HE MEANS and then apollo is like “... are you for real comparing me to kristoph.” haha funny but also THERE IT IS

- very carefully walked tightrope. acknowledged enough that there is still tension/suspense around it but not too much as to be slightly infuriating

- before the last case trucy gets mad at apollo for something - trucy is allowed by the narrative to be angry for real. stand up for herself. trucy and apollo come back together to defend klavier. they see each other in the detention center when theyre still mad at each other - trucy was visiting klavier (he wasn’t there for the fight). “you made fraulein trucy very mad, hm?” then during the trial trucy busts in dramatically with important help when things look very bad for klavier

- aj3 has emotional revelations/high points of the trio - siblings reveal and klapollo canon. aj2 is a lot of building of these connections and building suspense and tension. more more more of these relationships before they emerge fully formed in aj3

- the last trial echoes the “im the only one who can save prosecutor gavin” or whatever gay thing apollo says in the last trial of aa4 because he literally is. just a lot of hinting and them getting along. case 3 is very important because that’s when it’s just them and it’s “oh! we work well together! we’re complementary!”

- implement the dual investigation mechanic from dgs so it does feel collaborative

- just build on the fact that klavier is the first friendly, helpful, cooperative prosecutor. he wants to help you. make that a very positive, very important feeling while still making it extremely enjoyable

- resolves in “you can have truth AND the ones you love”. or smth like that but more nuanced. it’s very inspirational and sentimental etc

- you get to meet vongole and it’s a Pet The Dog moment for klavier. look! how nice he is. he truly loves this insanely sweet and lovable dog. trucy is enamored with vongole as well. “it’s strange that she was kristoph’s dog, hm? with how affectionate she is.” “well, i guess being owned by kristoph doesn’t means she’s an equally bad dog ... ER i mean--” “hm, you always struck me as a cat person, herr forehead?” “uh - well yeah, you’re right. but... that doesn’t mean i don’t think vongole is a pretty great dog.” IMPLICATIONS. SUBTEXT. TASTE IT IN THE AIR

- oh there’s definitely a moment in case 2 when you get to examine klavier’s apartment and you can look at a couple albums and for a gavinners album apollo is like “ugh” but then you get one of his solo eps and apollo is like “trucy made me listen to this. it... was okay. not as bad as the gavinners stuff. sounds more honest. or something like that.”

- oh also when you examine the guitar klavier offers to teach apollo some basics. hee hee (BUT ALSO... JOVE!!)

- maybe for case 2 The Industry Suits want klavier to stop releasing his eps for free/total charity so it’s a whole coordinated scheme. his manager, a devoted fan who hates to see him going his own way and being happier for it, etc. “we want you to be the person you were. the one we could possess.” be more like gavinners klavier instead of honest relaxed current klavier. be who we want you to be so we can make you dance like a puppet. music industry kristoph parallels.

- “i’m sick and tired of being a plaything for other people!” >:( face moments

- a fan broke into his house and defaced the solo stuff etc. >:( face.

- who determines who “you” are? what role do your loved ones have in your life? those who truly love you can save you and make you better. loving and being loved sincerely and genuinely and truly have positive effects on your life. letting people love you and letting yourself love them is good.

- ugh but this kind of contrasts with the “the old boys club is controlling and using/shaping the institution of law to amass wealth and power for themselves while throwing others under the bus.” well actually wait

- lunch with apollo = they don’t actually care about each other, would throw each other under the bus for their own benefit

- contrast between sacrificing the weak to protect the strong and protecting the weak to depower the evil strong

- love and bonds can motivate/enable you to chip away at the system and can help you make a difference. les mis etc etc etc

- the old boys club are all putting up fronts of appearing strong and tough and above everything and in control. real love and friendship let you show vulnerability and weakness and help you & your bond come out stronger for it. (tumblr voice) the mortifying ordeal

- additional stakes of “if you are found aiding this criminal and hiding evidence etc etc we will disbar you” or smth. stakes for sticking with klavier, for winning the trial, for demonstrating care. franziska is kind of like “... apologies. but you had nothing to worry about so don’t worry about it.” 

- klavier and apollo damned by association with kristoph, especially as a kristoph scheme was just found to happen, and it depended on kristoph being in jail, so maybe they were the ones to enable that part of the plan... it’s a long con...

- it feels like there should be another legal reform here to make aa4′s jury implementation but maybe this one is more about how reform is often very gradual and like chipping away at a mountain

- in aj3 the death penalty gets reformed. (tension there about kristoph being on death row and this game piles on a lot more GOD KRISTOPH SUCKS but then it’s like. no. we have to fight for True Justice and the legal system is extremely imperfect (how many of our clients narrowly avoided a wrongful guilty verdict!) so we have to prioritize protection over punishment)

- “it’s like chopping heads off the hydra. it feels like we’ll never actually change anything.” “yes, but hercules didn’t defeat it by himself. he had a partner that burned the stumps after he sliced off the heads. ... one person to hold the sword, one person to hold the torch.” NARUMITSU KLAPOLLO PARALLELS. HI

- okay i had some really good discussions on twitter w @henriettamarias about this and here’s a couple more things

- trucy’s case involves her inheriting the gramarye secrets and the legacy. the weight of tradition and the burden of what has happened in her family. trucy’s estranged grandmother shows up - it’s kind of similar to the feys kind of. the grandmother is a complex maternal figure who doesn’t know trucy and trucy doesn’t know her and it’s sort of the idea of... even if your “new” family is related by blood, you still have to choose them. and trucy’s like !!! because she’s openhearted but the grandmother disappears - doesn’t choose trucy. it’s not a Villainous Action it’s just... it’s complicated. maybe it’s to protect trucy or something. it wasn’t done to hurt trucy is what i’m getting at, but it still hurts

- one of the music industry people in klavier’s case is a gavin uncle/aunt/cousin who is pressuring him to go back to being an Extremely Profitable Rockstar. and klavier has to deal with more disappointment from a family that values extreme success and is sort of cold (this contrasts with the warmth of the WAA found family). they liked klavier when he was very successful and famous on two fronts but now he’s opened the door and invited in shame on their family’s name so everyone’s kind of mad at him. trucy and apollo get to be really defensive of him

- apollo’s case is one i’m still thinking on what it’ll be about because i’m deeply uninterested in his aa5+aa6 backstories but there’s not A Concept to go deeper into like trucy magic and klavier music... it does involve his past from being the foster system. i think maybe there’s a teen who he was kind of the older brother of for a while before the kid got adopted who contacts him for help defending himself.

- while trucy and klavier’s stories are about rejection from their blood family, apollo’s is about warmth with a boy who he met and made a familial bond with

- at the end of this case there’s some piece of evidence that mentions kristoph and this is never resolved within that case but it sort of leads into the next kristoph-focused case

- trucy doesn’t get angry at apollo over being like jealous there’s something else that happens in this case... it doesn’t end super satisfyingly and tidily wrapped up in a neat bow. there are a lot of lingering questions and it makes everyone uneasy

- in case 3 apollo gets injured and is feeling really defensive and kind of scared and trucy is upset with him for putting himself in harm’s way to save her and they have a fight and they’re both kind of hiding their true feelings with anger to cover up how scared they were (gramarye secrets) and it just. boils over. klavier tries to mediate but it’s... a lot. they both say some things they don’t mean. :(

- oh my god. the person who got poisoned in case 4 was apollo’s foster brother from case 3. and it HURTS because we’ve spent a whole case getting to know him and working so hard to save him from a guilty verdict and it’s like :D yay he’s ok! and then he just. dies. and it’s so fucking sad

- he got poisoned because kristoph looked through papers and found that him and apollo were close so he’s like “oh i can use that ^_^” because he’s a bastard. but klavier was the one in constant contact with him recently so it’s like UH OH! UH OH! plus other aa level complications etc

- the tightrope of trucy being mad at apollo and the tragedy of apollo’s foster brother dying is one that will have to be very carefully walked bc we don’t want trucy to look like an asshole because above all she does love apollo

- i guess it’s also apollo pushing her away because I’M FINE. STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME CONFRONT MY TRAUMA. IF I THINK ABOUT MY PROBLEMS I WILL GO INSANE. yeah that works

- OH and also she’s mad at him for not telling them about the lunch with kristoph’s lawyer friends. klavier is kind of mad about that too so apollo is like STOP GANGING UP ON ME

- so the setup of case 4 is: day 1: apollo and klavier investigating, in court klavier is implicated and is put in detention, day 2: apollo investigating by himself and missing his friends :(, franziska being like “where is your sister” and apollo being like “ok first she’s not my sister. second IM FINE I CAN BE ALONE, I CAN’T TRUST ANYBODY ANYWAY” and franziska is like “... yeah being betrayed sucks, i get it, but like. are you sure about that. fine whatever you idiot be a fool”, but then in court trucy busts in at a dramatic moment and narrowly saves klavier from getting a guilty verdict, day 3: trucy and apollo investigating and Saving The Day!!!!!

- for franziska in case 4 there’s this tension between her belief that klavier is guilty (because shit looks BAD and also kristoph sort of sent shockwaves through things etc) and franziska being older (she has short hair and it’s hot) and more emotionally mature and being like “baby lawyer. it’s okay to chill. it’s fine. you’ll be okay”. but also being extremely wary and hating the corruption and collusion within the law community because MvF dealt with a lot of that and she will be BETTER than that, she has to work hard to erase the harm that her father did. she’s kind of a superhero in terms of tackling a lot of corrupt-lawyer/cop cases - it’s her specialty now. god she is hot

- aw in case 4 ema is like. kind of reluctant to help implicate klavier. because while she thinks he’s annoying she doesn’t think he’s a bad guy. she feels really conflicted :( like she blusters to cover it up but she does say to apollo at one point “hey... you better do your job right. don’t slack. defend your client.” awww she care him

- kristoph gets brought out from prison as a witness in case 4. this really negatively affects klavier (and apollo too kind of but less so), but the strength of Found Family helps him be strong :) yay

- there’s mention made of kristoph having Secrets, but since apollo doesn’t have a magatama and phoenix isn’t there, the black psyche-locks aren’t explored. it gets revealed in aj3

- apollo does have a conundrum similar to the aa5 stuff where his perceive ability is going haywire at klavier’s entire emotional state because BOY is it screwy (suppressed memories from childhood??) so he just has to rely on plain old logic

- (cw animal death) god what if one of those childhood memories is kristoph poisoning klavier’s pet - experimenting, doing trials. klavier realizes that during the trial. jesus christ. evil bastard kristoph i hate his guts. at least klavier gets to go home and pet vongole so so much

- OH on a happier note we get to meet mikeko... mikeko loves trucy and klavier so much. it’s like a big gooey hint that LOOK APOLLO LOVES THESE PEOPLE - HIS CAT IS PURRING AND CUDDLING ALL OVER THEM :) Express Your Feelings, Apollo

- i think for aj3 it’s apollo & co having their own schemes and plans sort of. bc in this setup, klavier and apollo (and trucy too) are being yanked around by the machinations and plots of the older generation like in aa4. i think in aj3 is when they finally get a leg up and have control over things for once. good for them! good for them

- oh also in aj3, it’s revealed that thalassa has been held hostage by some bad guys, which is why she didn’t come back after some time away to figure herself out to tell them. and then apollo and trucy get to know they’re siblings :)

- okay that’s it. maybe i’ll add more if i think of more. hope u enjoyed :~)

[ziracona]

please bless me with all of your dbd headcanons even just a crumb would satisfy me,,,,, lmao. Fr tho ur hcs are godly pls give me all of them especially for og 4 and wraif

Thank you!! I’m glad you like my hot takes!

Let’s see, og4.

Jake grows facial hair pretty easy (that part is just canon). Usually he either lets it grow and ignores it till it gets long, or stays cleanshaven, but the in-between stage is physically painful for everyone else at the campfire bc you wake up and see rugged 2day scruffy woodsman stretch and he sees you staring and goes, “What?” Looking thoroughly unimpressed and Meg sheds a tear and Claudette pretends to not be looking and stares at her journal and Dwight gets heart palpitations it’s just bad for the whole group. When he shaves he’s an edgy dumbass and does it with a sharpened hunk of metal he made into a knife for himself and Dwight saw him shaving once and had to go sit down.

Jake has a soft spot for many of the survivors he’s known longer (honestly at this point, he’s pretty attached to the lot of them though), but especially the ones who work really hard at protecting other survivors. Double points if you’re younger than him. He would kill for Claudette, and take a bullet meant for Quentin, but would not convey this to them at all. Jake puts almost zero effort into making sure people knows he likes them. The people he has a soft spot for especially are also not always the ones he prefers to spend time with. While they’re survivors he spends less time with personally, Jake respects Feng Min for being the snarky little gremlin she is, and Tapp’s dedication to his job even here. Weirdly, while the people he likes often aren’t aware of affection, the ones he respects but isn’t as close to usually are aware of the respect. Jake also thinks he doesn’t like having friends and spending time not alone, but he does.

If asked point blank his thoughts on a survivor he likes, he’d probably just shrug or say, “They contribute to the team,” or “She works hard,” or “He’s fine,” because Jake just be like that. He had a hard time getting close to anyone initially because of how he grew up. Jake’s very guarded. He’s used to people manipulating and using each other, which makes keeping anything vulnerable close to his chest just necessary as he sees it. Boy doesn’t trust easy. Or open up. Ya need a can opener. Boy also does not like getting pushed around. Least favorite killers (aside from Nightmare) are probably Doctor and Ghostface, because he cannot stand being forced to do things or used. He’d rather take a chainsaw to the back than have someone lord power over him. He’s also got a looong memory, so if you fuck him over, he is not the kind to forget and forgive. He is the kind to resent and remember. Not that he never forgives people, but boy would have to really believe whatever happened was regretted and the person wasn’t like that anymore to let something that made him very angry go. He’s quiet angry though. Bide your time and get vengeance kinda angry. Would never let someone push him around. If a killer tried to fuck with him, he’d do everything in his power to kill them.

While Jake is tough and likes to hike just to be out and moving, and enjoys toughing it out, Meg enjoys being outside more as a fun thing than a wildnerness lifestyle thing. She has a lot of energy, and even in the realm, all that adhd can be a bitch. It would be easy to focus on the shitty stuff happening and drown in that, so she likes to keep moving, like she has since she was a kid and started running. Meg loves hard, and if she cares about you, she’ll make sure you know it. Not good at shutting up or realizing if she’s been going on for too long, girl has passion for everything.

Meg talks a big game, but does not have as much confidence as she pretends to have. She has abandonment issues, but they’re less, ‘my dad abandoned me’ and more ‘everyone but my mom, from him to grade school friends, hasn’t stuck around,’ so she does worry about that and coming on too strong, which she is aware she often does, but she can’t get herself to turn down the power settings on herself even when she tries. She’s never been good at making friends, so all of this in the realm is kinda new to her, since no one can leave. Meg would tell almost no one those things about herself. She cares hard though, and will try to distract other people from realm despair any way she can, because it’s what she needs and she assumes what they must need too. And to be fair, she ain’t wrong. Good at cultivating activities and drinks loving her friends juice.

Big goofball. BIG goofball. Also big gay. Well, bi af, but w a pretty strong preference for the ladies. She is simple of heart. Sees a girl, loses ability to think. Bonded with Nea over this problem. High int, low wisdom, big dumbass. Her weaknesses include girls’ eyes, voices, accents, freckles, scars, stomachs, legs, ass, titties, hair, hair dye, laughs, hands, eye contact, and cute accessories. Not great at expressing her feelings when she catches them, but tries hard. Actually pretty good at romancing once she gets into the groove. It’s just getting there she sucks at. Loyal as hell. Will go to bat for her friends and would rather die than betray them.

Meg has a real temper, especially when she feels like something being done to her or someone else is unjust/unfair, and will always try to fix those things even when it’s hopeless. Can and will weaponize her anger extremely effectively. Ridiculous memory for pop culture, shit memory for homework and things she was supposed to be doing. Memelord, but with some class.

Idk if this is because I identified with Claudette really strongly when I first started playing dbd or not, but I have always seen her as Asexual & Panromantic. Attracted to kindness. 

She gets overwhelmed fairly easily, but has been improving that by necessity since arriving in the realm, and can tap into the mom-friend override to fix problems for people who aren’t her. Has a hard time telling when people are teasing her/joking, but everyone knows this so they take it easier on her than each other.

Like Meg, had no friends before this, so it’s exciting and new, and a little scary, but mostly really good. She worries about other people a lot, and doesn’t always know how to help, but she tries. Very relieved Dwight volunteered to be team leader.

Enjoys recording things and studying. Would be fascinated by the Entity’s world if she wasn’t always being killed. Seems small and weak and easy to take down, but she has the strength of will to kill God herself if backed into a corner, especially when fighting for someone she loves. Sweet does not mean she will not fight back, and since being in the realm, and getting over her initial freezing up at the sight of horrifying murderers, she has worked extremely hard to be brave and take an active roll protecting people whenever she can. She is still terrified a lot, but has learned to push through that to help her friends and herself.

Loves animals, including ones a lot of people don’t like (bugs, snakes, rats, etc) and would and has definitely tried to snag a scorpion and a cockroach from trials to study before, and tried to befriend the realm rats now that they exist. Tries to get Jake to show her how to get birds to like you but does know how to ask him right.

Nervous about interpersonal relationships and unsure of herself. Really likes everyone but horrible at telling how other people feel. Feels like she always comes off wrong and can’t put words to things well even when she understands them super well. Does her best 24/7. Incredibly smart and talented. Knowledgeable about her passions. Is always thinking 4th dimensionally and has saved the team many a time by pulling off wild bullshit that makes sense kind of just barely but no one else would have thought of.

Dwight was a loser and kind of a douche growing up, kind of selfish and entitled and weak, but is no longer that person after a few years in the realm. He works hard to make good on his promises to look out for everyone, and cares about them very genuinely. Great at thinking on his feet and sounding like he knows more than he does, wonderful at regulating tasks to people efficiently, and not a bad strategist. 

Being the kind of person now who would not have liked the person he was a few years ago causes a little cognitive dissonance and self-doubt, but he’s trying. Genuinely enjoys hearing about people’s days and interests even when he’s completely lost. 

Not a fan of heights. If the fear of heights was not vastly overpowered by fear of sharp object, he would actively avoid the old ironworks in trials, but alas.

Used to play video games a lot. Thought he was good at them. Was not. Was definitely not.

Self-improvement king. Works hard and is a really decent dude. A very good sport. Used to be an asshole, so now that he’s nice he’s pretty damn forgiving if other people put in the work to improve too (my boy’s no hypocrite). Has mellowed out a lot and is pretty chill and nice but the damn fool will break his own heart by taking things people say the wrong way, or things they mean as a joke literally, if it’s something he thinks is true about himself, and will totally miss context and vocal inflection and just be like, “I know but I’m trying TuT.”

Big gay but in denial and confused

Just at this point really does want people to get to go home and be ok. Loves hearing stories and listening to his friends talk at the campfire because it makes him feel like things might be okay. Get the same result just by being near his friends, especially the other og3 who have been with him forever. If they’re all still there, things have to turn out okay someday. :’ ) Has never really told them that, because he’s supposed to be the leader, and thinks they’d feel less secure if they knew he depends on being able to sleep close to them at night to feel like he’ll be okay himself. Not in a they’d judge me way, but in a I really don’t want to let them down way. He wants them to think he’s got a handle on things even when he really doesn’t.

I was gonna do Philip too but I got this this morning and this post is already ridiculously long TuT, so here you go. Plus one mini Philip one.

Philip feels responsible for the young man he saw his boss kill the day the Entity got him. He knows that he killed scores of people unknowingly for Azarov, and those weigh, but he thinks sometimes late at night that if he could have just saved that one, it might have been enough to make him feel absolved someday for all the other deaths on his head. He remembers his face very well, and how terrified he was, and the moment of confusion and relief, and almost gratefulness when Philip let him go. He thinks over and over that if he’d just talked to him–assumed something was up, and gotten him to be quiet. Seen Azarov in time and stopped him. So many little things, and the young man would have lived. Even if the others were things he was completely blind to, he feels like that one is especially his fault, and that he could have stopped it. That one really haunts him.

[chilling-seavey]

What if Florence and Daniel got into a fight bc both of them are stressed out worrying about money and taking care of the kids?? How would my OTP resolve their fight??? 🤔

This was lowkey emotionally draining to write...wowey. 3.3k words later, here’s some proof that Florence and Daniel’s relationship isn’t as perfect and flawless as it seems... x

Monday, November 4th, 2024

Daniel let out a heavy breath as he got into his car after another shift, having spent most of it with his supervisor never being satisfied but that wasn’t new. He turned on the car and connected his phone to Bluetooth to call Florence as he always did before leaving. Strangely, he was sent to voicemail but a text came through instead.

Can you pick up diapers on your way home?

He sighed and replied with a quick ‘ok’ before pocketing his phone and putting the car in reverse. Closer to home, he parked outside the drugstore and headed inside, rushing down the aisles to find the diapers and grabbed the biggest package before bringing it to the cash.

“$37.45.” the cashier said after ringing up the item.

Daniel waved his card and was directed to the machine. He typed in his pin and waited a moment only to be met with card declined: insufficient funds. The glance from the cashier made Daniel feel even worse and he cleared his throat nervously, brushing a hand through his hair before shuffling through his wallet to only be met with a $10 bill and a few loose coins.

“Sorry… I, uh, left my other card at home.” Daniel said softly before leaving the store empty handed.

He sat behind the wheel of his car and tried to steady his breathing after being unable to afford diapers for his baby daughter. After a few moments of trying to calm down and trying not to cry, Daniel turned on the car and headed towards home.

The apartment smelt like burnt supper when he walked in and the noise was insane, the baby’s piecing screams topping it all. No one even heard him come in. Daniel set his guitar case and backpack on the floor in the doorway to the living room, taking in the messy kitchen and loud TV with Clementine sat admits a pile of toys trying to watch it, Penelope on the couch with her face in a pillow and her hands over her ears as she cried, and screaming Lucy in Florence’s arms as the dishevelled looking mother tried to put the dishes in the sink.

“Hey.” Daniel finally spoke, earning the glances of Florence and Clementine.

Clementine jumped up and ran for him as if he was her saviour from the chaos and he picked her up with a tired grunt.

“What’s going on here?” Daniel asked softly.

“Mommy burnt the house down!” Clementine said with a giggle as Daniel carried her towards the kitchen, his eyes lingering on Penelope on the couch for a moment.

“I just burnt the lasagna a bit.” Florence sighed, wiping her damp hand on her shirt that was already covered in tomato sauce and baby drool. Her hair was pulled back but still almost completely falling out of its tie and her makeup-less face looked like she hadn’t slept in days. “Did you pick up the diapers?”

Daniel cleared his throat nervously, setting Clementine back on the ground to let her run back off to the TV, “No, my-”

“Goddammit, Daniel, I ask you to do one thing.” Florence snapped as quietly as she could, tossing the pan in the sink a bit too hard, making Lucy scream louder in her arms.

“I tried, I just-”

“It’s not that hard to remember. Your daughter needs diapers. We have, like, four left but that’s fine; when we run out I’ll just tie one of your shirts around her like a freaking monkey at the zoo.”

“Florence, what is going on?” Daniel asked at her obvious stressed out state.

“I had to pick up Penelope only an hour after dropping her off this morning because the teacher called and said she had a meltdown and wouldn’t relax and everything is setting her off today. The damn oven beeped and she lost her mind. Of course Lucy’s crying only makes it worse and she won’t shut up because she’s teething.” Florence pushed her finger in the five-month-old’s mouth to get a look at her swollen gums and the baby just cried louder. “She also pooped all over everything today which is why we needed new diapers earlier than planned because her personal nuclear bomb ruined half the things on the change table.”

Daniel watched with wide eyes as she rushed over to grab the last two plates from the dining room table and tossed them in the sink too before turning on the tap and letting the water run over everything.

“And Clementine is demanding that she gets this new set for her doll that everyone has at school. She won’t even hear of it for Christmas because she needs it now.” Florence continued. “And she keeps testing me! Judging everything I do like she’s the adult. ‘Mommy, the lasagna’s burnt’. Like I didn’t know!”

“Okay.” Daniel sighed softly, reaching over the counter to take the crying baby from her and made his way to the freezer to take the cold teething ring out and held it out to Lucy. “I’ll take the girls and get them ready for bed and then we can talk.”

“I don’t want to talk. I wanted you to get the diapers like I fucking asked.” Florence grumbled.

“Flora.” Daniel snapped sharply to shut her up.

His glare certainly helped, and she clenched her jaw before looking back to the dishes without another word. Daniel bounced the baby lightly as she kept screaming through the teething ring he desperately tried to put in her mouth as he headed back to the living room.

“Clem, angel, can you tidy up your toys and go get your pyjamas on please?” Daniel asked softly as he turned off the TV.

The almost six-year-old nodded and got up from the rug, starting to gather her things, “There’s a new set you can buy for my dolls, Daddy. It’s a whole car they can ride in and the radio even plays music! It’s really nice and all the girls in my class has it. I wanna get it so we can play together at school.”

“We’ll think about it.” Daniel said, trying to hold back his nausea from the harsh inset of reality. He wanted nothing more than to buy that stupid toy car for his daughter but it was no where near realistic. He set Lucy in her playpen with the teething ring before moving to tend to his middle daughter who was still face down on the couch with her hands over her ears. When he set his hand on her back she startled. “Just me, bug.”

Penelope rolled over, giving him a good look of her swollen red eyes and matted dark hair and tear streaked cheeks, and she held her arms up to him through a hiccup.

“What’s wrong, my love?” Daniel pouted as he bent down and scooped her up, the four-year-old cuddling right into him through her sniffles as he took her to her room to get her cleaned up for bed. He sung softly as he wiped her face clean with a damp cloth and got her into her pyjamas, something that always helped calm her down, and he took his time to help both her and Clementine brush their teeth and comb their hair before tucking them into bed.

Daniel grabbed Lucy for story time, all three girls cuddled up with him as he read them a bedtime story. Lucy fell asleep quickly, probably tired out from all her crying – same with Penelope – and he kissed the oldest two good-night before taking the baby down the hall to bed too. He let his eyes linger on the remaining three diapers in the basket before letting out a small sigh and took one out so he could change her into her pyjamas. Lucy was tucked into her crib with the teething ring beside her just in case and he pushed a pacifier past her lips, watching her for a second as she sleepily sucked on it for a moment, the plastic bumping lightly against her tiny nose.

The apartment was eerily quiet as Daniel closed the nursey door, baby monitor in hand, and made his way back down the hallway for a conversation he really did not want to have.

Florence had the kitchen cleaned up by the time he was back, and they shared expressionless glances as she closed the last cupboard.

“I’m sorry you had a bad day,” Daniel said, placing the baby monitor on the counter between them, “but you don’t need to take it out on me.”

“Maybe if you did what I asked, we wouldn’t have this problem.”

“I tried.” Daniel protested. “It was a hard day and to top it off my card-”

Florence held up her hand to cut him off, “You go to work to play music for eight hours and then come home to a good meal that you don’t have to cook. You have it easy.”

“Easy?” Daniel gaped. “Are you kidding me? You know how much shit I do in my job and how many late nights and early mornings and weekends I put into this. It’s no where near easy.”

“Oh yeah.” Florence chuckled humourlessly. “When you don’t have to lift a finger around here, leaving me to practically raise your children.”

“You think I like never seeing my wife or kids?!” Daniel frowned. “It was bad when Lucy was first born, yeah, but we even had a whole discussion and I got much more time freed up. But I can’t just sit at home all day with you guys, this isn’t a fairy-tale.”

“I know but you act like I’m a psychotic bitch when I let it all get to me! I got shit on today! And walked over and hit and kicked and bitten and screamed at and I burnt my arm trying to get the charred dinner out of the oven. You just don’t understand what it’s like to stay home!”

“You have no idea what it’s like to work! To go out and earn a salary! You could have gone to school and gotten a degree and then figured out what you wanted to do with your life but instead you chose to cruise off everyone else. You didn’t even pay for your first apartment! Callum did! You have no freaking idea the value of money!”

“I was raising my daughter.” Florence seethed. “Fuck you for even saying that.”

“You could have made it work.”

“Sorry I chose to focus on her rather than shoving her in daycare to be pretty much raised by a stranger for the first four years of her life. I didn’t have the money for any of that. I barely had money to put food on the fucking table half the time and you know that.”

“So get over yourself! Stop being so goddamn selfish if you’re so finically-aware!”

“Fuck you!” Florence shouted, walking around the counter as if she were going to leave the room but she stopped in the middle of the living room and turned back to him. “I get that you have to work and I am thankful that you even have a job, but a little compassion isn’t a lot to ask of you.”

“Compassion? Are you serious?” Daniel scoffed loudly, taking a few quick strides across the room to stand in front of her, shouting back his rebuttal, “I nearly wait on you hand and foot and I drop everything whenever you need me and for years I always have! I have done nothing but work my ass off for you and our kids and you still have the audacity to say that it’s still not enough? I work too much and now I don’t work enough and then I don’t ‘understand what you’re going through’. Well, dammit, Florence, what the fuck do you want from me?”

“I want you to care about other things than your work!”

“I already cut my hours! We’re nearly fucking broke, Florence, I don’t know why you can’t understand that! We literally cannot afford for me to lose one more hour a week! Last months rent virtually drained us and we are surviving on a $10 bill and my fucking shoelace right now! I’m pushed to the fucking brim half the time trying to get all the shit done so I don’t have to work overtime so I can still come home to you and the girls and all I’m met with is attitude and snark and an ungrateful wife who scolds me like my goddamn mother when I walk in the door!”

Florence didn’t reply for a beat and the silence lingered heavy over the apartment. Her eyebrows furrowed first before her face scrunched up in anger and she jabbed a finger in Daniel’s face before yelling, “Fuck you! I am not staying home just to make you a supper and serve you a beer in a pretty pink dress and heels with a face full of makeup and a fake smile when you get in from work. This isn’t the 19-fucking-50s! I am allowed to have emotions, Daniel James, and right now you are tugging at every single last one of them! How dare you say these things to me!”

“You are freaking out for no reason!” Daniel shouted louder to top her. “You’re twisting everything I’m saying! Do you even hear yourself?”

“All I can hear is you being a selfish and ungrateful son of a bitch!” Florence screamed, throwing a couch cushion at him.

“Throwing things at me? Real mature, Florence. Real fucking mature! God, why don’t you understand?!” Daniel shut his eyes and threw his hands into his hair and tugged hard to try and rid his frustrations. “You’re so naïve sometimes, you drive me fucking crazy!”

They were already even listening to each other anymore, simply off on their own tangents trying to out-volume the other. Daniel and Florence didn’t fight often, priding themselves on their open communication, but everything eventually hits a bump and when they did, they really did.

“Just go play your pretty music, Daniel! Make some pretty music with your friends and put it online for everyone rave over and shut up. I’ll be here taking care of and being hit like a punching bag by your children.”

“You know what, I would appreciate it if you stopped fucking accusing me of being a shitty father because I have a job! I have been trying my best and if that’s not enough for you then I don’t know what to tell you!” Daniel put his hands up.

“What? You’re gonna leave?” Florence laughed humourlessly, throwing her finger in the direction of the door. “Fine! Go on! Wouldn’t be the first time! Leave when it gets hard Daniel!” She cut her screams, leaning in closer to him to whisper sharply, “Just like Matt did.”

Their fight seemed to echo through the apartment as silence fell again, her angry expression still glaring at him as his face melted into neutrality.

“Don’t say that.” Daniel said softly, trying to each for her.

“Don’t touch me.” Florence stepped back before walking quickly down the hallway.

“Flora, I’m not gonna-” Daniel started after her but the slamming of the bedroom door startled him to stop in place. He took a deep breath and ran his hands over his face to try and calm down, leaning back against the wall of the hallway. It was surprising that the baby wasn’t crying given the fact they just had a ten-minute-long screaming match.

Daniel composed himself enough to open the girls’ bedroom door and peak in, finding them both huddled up together in Clementine’s bed, frightened looks on their faces.

“Hey, my loves.” Daniel sighed, sitting himself on the side of the bed. “I’m sorry if we scared you. Mommy and I haven’t been talking as much as we should have been, and we got a little crazy. Do you forgive us?”

Clementine and Penelope nodded. Daniel kissed each of their heads and got them tucked in again in their own beds.

“No more yelling tonight?” Penelope asked.

“No more yelling.” Daniel promised, smiling sadly between his two eldest. He couldn’t help but let his gaze linger on Clementine a moment longer, remembering the night Matt walked out, leaving nineteen-year-old Florence and baby Clementine alone and a mess in their small apartment. She stared up at him with those same blue eyes he always remembered, and he gave her an extra kiss on the cheek, staying with them until they were drifting back to sleep, “Daddy’s not going anywhere.”

Daniel found himself back outside the master bedroom door with his hand on the knob and his forehead against the cool wood, taking slow breaths to keep himself calm to try the conversation again. He finally opened the door and slipped inside before closing it silently behind him. The light was on in the ensuite and he stopped in the doorway.

Florence glanced up at him from where she stood in front of the vanity brushing her hair. She silently turned back and continued what she was doing.

“Come here.” Daniel whispered, stepping closer and gently pulled her arms down from her hair to wrap around his shoulders and he tucked his own tightly around her waist, peppering a few kisses over her cheek and across her shoulder. “I love you. So fucking much. Even when you scream at me and swear at me and throw things at me.”

Florence sniffled a little, holding him tighter. “I love you too.”

“I’m not going anywhere, okay?” Daniel rubbed a hand over her back. “No matter what.”

“I’m sorry.” Florence mumbled, wrapping her fingers around the material of his shirt and buried her face in his neck.

“I’m sorry too.” Daniel sighed. “My card got declined today. It scared me.”

“What?” Florence leaned back with concern, holding her hands on his biceps to keep him close as she stared at his flushed face.

“$37 for diapers and my card was declined. I felt like a fucking idiot, like an absolute joke of a father…can’t even buy the necessities for my kid.” Daniel sighed, turning to lean back against the counter and hung his head. “I don’t know what we’re gonna do, Flora. I’m scared.”

“I know.” Florence mumbled, petting her hand through his hair. “Maybe we should talk to someone? Get a budget figured out until we get back on our feet. Worst case scenario, we ask your parents for a bit of a loan. We’re not going to lose anything from this.”

Daniel nodded, biting his lip as he stared at the floor, fingers holding tightly onto the edge of the counter behind him.

“I’m sorry.” his voice broke and he struggled to hold back a small sob, quickly hiding his face in his hands.

“Oh, sweetheart, it’s okay,” Florence frowned, wrapping her arms around him to let him cry against her shoulder, “I know how hard you work. You’re such a good dad and an amazing husband. I know you’re trying your best and I also know it’s slowly starting to destroy you.”

Daniel whimpered as he nodded, clinging onto her tighter through his tears as he muffled a sob into her neck.

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.” Florence sighed, running her hand up and down his back. “I took my own shit out on you. I needed any excuse to yell, I guess.”

“Better me than at the girls.” Daniel chuckled lightly, pulling back from their hug a little to wipe his eyes with the back of his hand.

“I love you.” Florence said strongly, taking his face in her hands. “$0 in your pocket or millions. Doesn’t matter. Don’t you forget it, okay?”

Daniel nodded and leaned in to kiss her once, lingering there a moment longer before pulling back.

“Now no more tears.” Florence said, taking a deep breath herself as she started to feel herself start to cry. “There have been to many tears in this house today.”

[raysofcrosby]

LITTLE DO YOU KNOW PT. 7

"𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘥𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦–– 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘦'𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵." – 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐧 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧, 𝐀𝐦𝐲 & 𝐑𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐜 𝐃𝐞𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐫

gif credit (x)

series masterlist

requested: yes | no

warnings: slight *unprotected* smut, implied sexual situations, otherwise its just fluffy convo.

word count: 10,282 [it’s a fucking novel ladies and gents, better buckle up]

authors note: FIRST AND FOREMOST, i’m going to apologize for the horribly written smut. i never write smut bc 1) i suck at it and 2) it makes me feel awkward lmao [sidenote: safe sex is great sex!!!].  also, if a boy did for me what tyler did for baby benn in this– then homeboy could like...get it. ALSO this ending wasn’t supposed to be the original ending, but i feel like it adds a little more oomph when it comes to small things involving the storyline– so i hope it doesn’t flop. i hope you guys’ enjoy! i love reading your comments, seeing your tags in the reblogs and just seeing that you guys’ enjoy this story as much as i enjoy writing it! without further ado, here’s part 7!

Your weekend with Tyler was exactly what you needed as a break away from school and of course, the biggest blessing Dallas was about to receive– the rest of the Benn's. Jordie was in town with the Canucks and your parents, Jenn, your brother-in-law, and your niece were all flying down to not only have a small visit with you before you traveled home for Christmas but to also see the two boys play against each other. Sure, they were able to see Jamie and Jordie play against each other only a few days ago when the Stars stopped in Vancouver, but there was one thing that the game didn't have– you. And you were never one to toot your own horn when it came to your siblings, but you were the favorite– second to Jenny at times. She was the firstborn and she had blessed your parents with a grandchild way before the rest of you. But you were the baby, and that was always a prize.

The rest of your family all got into Dallas around the same time, but since you had class and Jamie and Jordie had workouts, you guys didn't plan to get together until lunch, which unfortunately for Jamie, cut into his pre-game nap– but at least he'd get a free meal out of it, thanks to your parents. Until then though, you were suffering in your classes, too busy thinking about this past weekend and telling Kennedy everything you'd learned from Brandon about this Maisy girl. Kennedy didn't know who she was, and being the best friend ever, kept you out of your own worst thoughts by assuring you that if the relationship was as serious as Brandon said it was– Tyler wouldn't have played it off as nothing.

And that kept the bad thoughts out of your head for most of the day, until it came time to pick Jamie up at his place. The conversation in the car between your parents, you and Kennedy also kept you distracted– it was easy to talk about how school was going and how her family was doing, but when they mentioned your internship, it was hard not to immediately think about Tyler. Thankfully, by the time that came around, you guys were pulling up to Jamie's. Before your dad could even put the rental into park, you offered to run up and grab Jamie, that way they didn't have to get out of the car. You ran up the front steps and rang the doorbell an obnoxious amount of times and when the door opened, you were pleased to see Jenn standing there with a smile on her face.

"You know, there's a child sleeping in here," she joked, wrapping you in in a hug.

"Sleep is for the weak, Jenn. Kennedy is in the car with mom and dad, just send her to the back of the SUV so you guys can make room for the car seat."

"That's okay, Y/N. I managed to snag a sick rental," Andrew, your brother-in-law smiled, walking past with the car seat in his hands and giving you a one-armed hug.

"And by sick, he means a red 4runner," Jenn rolled her eyes as Andrew carried the car seat to their rental in the driveway. "He really just left without letting you see her, didn't he?"

"I'll see my favorite niece at lunch, that's fine," you laughed, watching as she put her purse on her shoulder. "Is he inside?"

"Jamie? Oh yeah, he's almost ready. We'll go ahead and follow you guys to the restaurant."

You nodded and walked inside as she walked out to their rental, closing the door behind her. "JAMIE EVERYONE'S READY BUT YOU!" You yelled out, unsure just where he was in his house.

"Jesus Christ, Y/N. You don't need to blow a guy's eardrum out like that," he groaned, walking from around the corner. "I just need to finish my hair and then grab water and I'm ready to head out."

"J...why are you even bothering to do your hair when you'll mess it up during your nap?"

He stopped in his tracks as if the thought never even crossed his mind. "Well, fine. But let me grab a hat at least so I don't have to brush it."

You sighed and leaned against the stairway, looking around his house aimlessly. When your eyes landed on an old picture of him and Tyler with Dude Perfect, a thought entered your mind. "Hey J? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, why not?"

You bit the inside of your cheek, wondering whether or not you should ask. Would it make Jamie suspicious to...whatever the hell you and Tyler had? Would he tease you for even wanting to know? "Do you know who Maisy is?"

"Huh?"

"Maisy! Do you–" You started to yell, only to see him come back down the hallway with a hat in his hands. "Do you know who Maisy is?"

He didn't even bother to stop this time, only walking away and into his kitchen. "Like, Tyler's Maisy?"

Your stomach dropped then and there straight into the bottom of your shoes. 'Tyler's Maisy.' You weren't sure if it was the nonchalant way that he said it or the fact that he just confirmed that Brandon wasn't lying that made you feel so uneasy– but either way...you were.

"Yeah, where they like...a thing?"

He came out of the kitchen holding onto two water bottles and tossing you one. A genuine look of concern on his face sent your heartbeat into overdrive as you tried to keep your expression as neutral as possible. "I mean, yeah. I don't know if they were ever really official, but she was his man hookup all last season."

He walked away again, this time coming back and shoving his wallet into his short pockets. "She also kind of played a roll in why he had to pick his new house so fast. Granted he already had two settled, but I guess she accidentally leaked his address on Instagram or snapchat or something after order postmates." He opened the front door, grabbing his house keys off of the hanger. "Also, there was this huge spamming thing from random accounts on twitter, some sports forum and other crap saying he needed to go public with her. They'd even comment on Candace and Cassidy's stuff."

As you followed him out of the door, it all started to make sense as to why Tyler didn't want you to ever post that you were at his house– it wasn't fully out of fear that Jamie would know you were there...but because he was scared that maybe you'd leak his address. And while that revelation made you feel a little more at ease, you couldn't help but acknowledge the hint of sadness when you connected Brandon's comments about Tyler not letting Maisy post stuff, to what Jamie just confirmed.

"I think he broke it off in the summer though, why?"

You shook yourself out of your thoughts and walked ahead of him. "Oh nothing, I just heard some frat guys talking about her when I dropped Cole's stuff off."

"Yeah, well I wasn't the only one who warned Seggy about getting involved with a college girl. I mean, I got lucky with Katie, but there's also a three year age difference between us." You were shocked at Jamie's reply as he walked ahead of you this time. "Tyler's going for girls now where the age difference is like six to seven years– I mean, maybe mentally he's right for them, but it's just...I don't know it never works out and we keep trying to tell him that, but you know how he is."

You just smiled and nodded as he opened the car door for you and you saw Kennedy climb into the next row of seats. You followed suit, saving a seat for when you went to pick up Jordie and ultimately ending your conversation there. The conversation picked up between everyone in the car as you made your way to your lunch destination, but you were lost in your little world, resting on the things both Brandon and Jamie have said...plus the fact that Tyler would be joining you guys for the post-game dinner in just a few hours.

How bad could it all go?

❒❒❒❒

Dinner was going to be a fun time and it would only be because you were going to be witness to Jamie rubbing it into Jordie's face that they beat them twice in less than a week. Little brother beating big brother– the theme to their entire childhood, was enough to entertain your dinner for 11. They spent a good five minutes arguing about who would cover the check, Jamie or Jordie and for a hot second, they both agreed that you would cover it– but a quick reminder that you were a college senior with no job and an unpaid internship, shut them down real quick. Otherwise, dinner was fun and heartwarming.

Your parents had invited Big Rig and Tyler along– Big Rig once they learned that he and Kennedy were an item, and Tyler because he was like another son to them, and Jamie's best friend. Luckily for you, the way everyone ended up being seated around the table, you had Kennedy and Big Rig to your right, and Tyler to your left, before it moved on to Jenn at the end of the table with your niece. The conversations were flowing all across the table and seemingly never-ending, everyone around the table, at least once, having the conversation focused on them. With Big Rig, it was his sister and if he liked being back in Dallas versus being in Pittsburgh. 

With Kennedy, it was how her family's work is going and whether she was ready to deal with the Canadian cold come Christmas. Jamie and Jordie were tied together, the same with Tyler when they weren't asking about how his family was doing. With you, it was school and how your internship with the team was going–  and God the conversation seemed never-ending. But you weren't sure if it was because you hated being the topic of everyone at dinner or if it was Tyler's hand resting on your thigh.

The entire night, beneath the table Tyler had been touching you. At first, it was knocking his knee against your own now and then before full on pressing his leg against yours. Then it escalated to him touching your leg and eventually keeping a hold on your leg throughout dinner. Acts that seemingly everyone around the table was oblivious to. And during dinner, the two of you kept up your chirping at one another like it was another day in the locker room, though there were few moments that slipped through, where it was like you were the only two in the room. A time, that once or twice, Kennedy had to nudge you with her knee to warn you that your flirtationship with Tyler was starting to make its presence known in front of your family. You would then nudge Tyler with your leg, signaling for him that the two of you needed to cool it down a little, but then you'd place a hand on his thigh, letting him know that a little touch was still okay. While keeping it on the low was a high priority, you couldn't help but feel reassured about Tyler's feelings towards you with those small touches– for they cast away any doubts you'd been thinking only hours before.

Everything was fine until you got up to go to the bathroom just before Jordie handed off his card to pay the bill, at least you thought it was. Because the moment you walked out of the bathroom, Jordie was leaning against the awning for the bathroom hallway, waiting for you. "Creeper isn't a good look, Jordie." You joked, brushing by him as you continued to shake your hands dry of the water that the air dryer didn't get.

"Is there something going on with you and Seggy?"

The question stopped you in your tracks, both because you had feared that maybe he had picked up on something during dinner and because he had asked so blatantly that you were scared someone else would hear. "What?" You asked, turning around.

He moved off of the wall, still crossing his arms and walked up to you. He looked around before looking back at you again. "Is there something going on with you and Seggy?"

"What?" This time, the question didn't come from you, but from Jamie who had just walked towards the bathroom awning. "No way, that's ridiculous!"

You looked between the two Benn brothers, Jamie looking at Jordie as if he was insulted that Jordie even suggested it, and Jordie giving you his 'I'm your big brother, I'm not as oblivious as this idiot so I already know the answer' look. "What are you three talking about?"

We looked to see our Mom coming around the corner with everyone else slowly trickling behind. "Jordie seems to think that Y/N and Tyler have something going on, which is stupid and he's probably just still bitter that he lost."

Your mom just looks between the three of you with raised eyebrows before nodding her head. As if he had perfect timing, Tyler came strolling around the corner and plopped two hands on Jamie's shoulders. "I'm going pee and then I'm headed home, the dogs need to be fed and let out."

You sent up a silent prayer to the Universe at the fact Tyler hadn't offered to drive you back to your dorm, especially after Jordie had seemingly connected the dots. "I'm going to catch wait by Big Rig's car, he's taking Kennedy home...so I'm catching a ride." You smiled, before removing yourself from the situation and walking out into the crisp, night air. 

It felt too stuffy in that restaurant all of a sudden and for the first time all night, you were grateful that your parents were staying with Jamie at his place instead of a hotel. That way, they had no choice but to take him straight home before they called it a night. They weren't obligated to drive you back to your dorm and both the Stars and your family were heading out of Dallas the next day.

"Hi, Sweetie." You turned around to see your mom making her way over to Big Rig's vehicle, pulling her cardigan across her chest. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," you huffed, nodding towards the restaurant. "It was just a little hot in there."

She nodded, seemingly accepting your pathetic excuse. She barely let the silence settle between you before she spoke again. "You know I love you and that no matter what it is, you don't have to keep secrets from me...right?"

You tried not to let your face give it away, that you knew where she was going with her conversation. "Y-Yeah, I do..."

She took a deep breath before turning to look back at the restaurant, making sure the coast was clear. "Is Jordie right? About you and Tyler? Is there...something going on between you?"

When Jordie had asked, you were fearful– scared that he would judge you on being with Tyler, your brother's best friend, hell...a close family friend in general. That if he knew, all of a sudden he'd see you as just another one of Tyler's playthings and not Y/N...his younger sister. But when your mom asked, it was like the pressure of hiding it, mixed with a huge swell of emotions just washed completely over you, drowning you if it could, and you started to cry. 

"Y-Yes..." You let out a small gasp as you went to speak immediately after your confession, "but please don't be mad at me mom– please don't–"

She took you into her arms and hugged you tightly, a hand resting at the back of your head and shooshing you to calm you down. You closed your eyes, taking in her embrace as you felt your shoulders feel a little lighter at the confession. When you pulled away, she held onto both of your hands before smiling at you. "So you and Tyler, you're...dating?"

"Yes...No..." You sighed, wiping your cheeks and shaking your head.  "I don't know."

Your mom laughed, which was a reaction that you didn't expect from her. "I'll never understand this generation and your definition of relationships. Just tell me one thing...do you like him?"

You looked down at the ground, thinking about the last few days that you'd spent with Tyler and smiling at the way he made you feel and the funny moments in between. "I do...a lot. We have fun together, you know? It's just...it's easy."

"And I assume that Jamie doesn't know?"

You looked away from her again, nodding your head in shame. "We haven't told him yet...I'm just, scared of what he'll think."

"He's your brother, Y/N. I'm sure he'll think no less of you because of who you're dating." She sighed, squeezing your hand and gaining your attention. "And Tyler, well he is quite the step up from Cole."

"Yeah," you laughed, smiling at her. "He really is." As your eyes skimmed her face, your heart and brain prepared you for the 'but' that you knew was coming.

"Tyler's just..." Your mom shook her head, sighing again. "He's a little too old for you, don't you think?" She must have seen the look on your face when those words left her mouth because she held onto your arms and looked worried.

"I'm only saying that because well, the two of you are in very different stages of your lives. He's almost 28 and he's been in the adult world long enough to find out who he is and what he wants for his life. And you...you're barely 22, about to graduate college and experience the real adult world for the first time. You still need to find out who you are and what you want."

You understood what she meant and took her fear into account because if you were being honest...she had a point. Besides the summertime, you were in school for 9 months out of the year, living to a strict class schedule and figuring out your day to day routine without the fear of bills lingering over your head. You've had your little taste of the adult world, but come May you were about to get smacked in the face with reality...whereas Tyler's already figured out his life.

"Just...be careful, okay? You can have your time and relationship with Tyler, but don't lose yourself in this."

"Thanks, Mom, I love you." You whispered, hugging her close and wishing with everything that she didn't have to go back home tomorrow.

"I love you too sweetie." She pulled away and cupped your face, kissing your forehead. "Now promise me that you won't hide this from your brother forever, okay? It'd be a lot worse for him to find out from someone else rather than hear it straight from the both of you."

You only nodded in reply as the rest of your dinner group walked up, saying their goodbyes before separating to their cars. You lingered your goodbyes with Jenn and Jordie, telling them that you'd see them come Christmas time before hopping in the back of Big Rig's car and burying yourself out of sight. The entire ride back to the dorm, you were playing countless scenarios of how you'd tell Jamie about you and Tyler, hoping that there'd be the magic one that would solve every worry you had.

Only they all ended horribly wrong.

To make matters a little more stressful, when you got to your room, Kennedy had asked if she and Big Rig could have some private time alone. You agreed because at least one of you was going to get laid after that stressful dinner. So you did what you always did, packed an overnight bag and sent Tyler a text, wondering if he'd mind some company.

Of course, be there soon! 😁 All of your boys miss you (me included if you weren't aware)

Oh also, pack a bathing suit 😏

You quickly shoved your hottest bikini into your overnight bag and wished the two lovers goodnight, not failing to remind them to stay safe because you were too young to become an aunt again. They laughed you out of your dorm room and you raced down the stairs and out towards the parking lot where you knew Tyler would be waiting.

When his headlights shined on you, you felt a little burst of happiness rush through your veins as you climbed up into his jeep and immediately greeted him with a kiss before he could even say a word. "Wow, not that I'm complaining but...what was that for?" He laughed, waiting for you to put your seatbelt on before driving away.

"For saving me from having to wait hours before I could sleep in my sinful dorm room."

He threw his head back and laughed. "Wow, sinful dorm room? Is it that bad?"

"Tyler...we barely got two steps into the room before she straight up said 'I need to get laid, can I have the room?'" You joined in with his contagious laughter. "They're lucky I love them so much."

"Well, I for one am grateful for their horny actions," he reached and grabbed your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours and bringing your hands up to his mouth, kissing the back of yours. "Because now I get to spend the night with you and show you my surprise."

"Does it have anything to do with me needing to pack a bathing suit?"

He wiggled his eyebrows and kissed your hand again. "It has everything to do with a bathing suit. Speaking of," he let your hands rest on the center console. "Did you pack the...what did Kennedy call it? The raunchy red bikini?"

"Shut up, that was so embarrassing!" You leaned over and smacked his shoulder with your free hand as you felt your cheeks warm up. "And for your information...yes, yes I did. But if you keep teasing me, you won't get to see it."

Tyler coughed, this time trying his best to hide the fact that he was getting a little bashful. "There are two ways I could take that statement...and I'm not sure which one you meant."

God the two of you were practically downing in the awkward, sexual tension that surrounded you. You knew which two ways he was speaking of, too– either you don't do whatever activity involved your bathing suit, or you go full-on nude during whatever activity. And in all honesty, the thought of being naked with Tyler has been lingering in the back of your mind since the weekend when Kennedy asked if the two of you had had sex yet. 

Plus, let's be honest...you've seen his ESPN body issue shoot...and seeing him naked wasn't the worst thing in the world.

When you guys got to his house, you greeted the dogs before he could manage to usher them all away from you. He handed you your bag and kissed your cheek before nodding at you to go upstairs. "Go ahead and drop your stuff off and get dressed, then meet me outside."

The chill he sent down your spine lasted well into your trip up the stairs and into his bedroom. You could only wonder what he had planned but made sure to keep your imagination tamed as you stripped off in his bedroom and put on your bathing suit. Which, until Kennedy said so, you didn't perceive as all that raunchy. It was your favorite, simply because its fabric hugged you in all the right places– making you feel like you could take on the world...if you were going to take on the world half-naked. When you left his room and walked back down the stairs and outside, the cool night air greeted you and the light wind blew some of your hair into your face. When you looked out for Tyler, you heard mumblings of music and saw lights stationed around the jacuzzi.

Holy shit, he put fucking candles around his jacuzzi and had music playing nearby? Cheesy? Everyone else would think so. But the fact that you had just broken up with a boyfriend who never really did anything like this for you...it was cute and romantic. It got better when you walked closer to the jacuzzi to see that the little candles were electronic and you couldn't help but laugh.

"I know, I know, it looks stupid, but the wind and fire hazard," Tyler said, keeping his back to you, across the way in the jacuzzi as he adjusted the volume on the Bluetooth speaker– before turning your way and smiling. "But its the thought that counts, right?"

"Tyler, what is this?" You laughed, sliding off your shoes at the edge before stepping in.

He walked across and reached out his hand, holding onto yours and making sure you didn't fall in. "You've been studying like crazy lately, plus dealing with us needy assholes almost every day...so I decided that you need to relax."

You had to admit, the moment that your body was engulfed by the hot water and jets– you were relaxed. It felt like if Tyler wasn't holding on to your hand, you'd probably slipped under and let the water swallow you up. You never realized just how tired your body was. You sat across from him, extending your legs out and letting them float as you closed your eyes and felt the jets against your back. "Is this what you do after every game? Come here and forget your troubles?"

"Usually," he laughed, moving his arms in the water. "Though sometimes I'll take an icebath upstairs or when you're here, I just kind of chill out. It all depends on how much energy I have left."

You sighed, letting the feeling of the water take over your mind as you laid there listening to what seemed like a top 50 hits playlist. "I wish I had one of these in my dorm room. God, I think I'd go from the library to my bathroom and never leave. Studying is stupid, don't ever do it. It's hard to believe finals are only–"

"Ah, ah, ah!" He said, interrupting you and reaching out for your leg, tugging you out of your relaxed state. "No school talk. This is why we got into the jacuzzi, now come here."

You sat up and walked over to where he was. He grabbed onto your shoulders, turned you around and placed you in front of him in the space between his legs. "Loosen up and relax, Y/N. I'm not going to drown you."

You took a deep breath and sighed, closing your eyes and anticipating what he was going to do. When you felt his calloused hands on your shoulders, you stayed relaxed. Only when he started to add pressure with his thumbs did you realize what he was doing. "Okay wow, did you go to massage school or something?"

He laughed, moving towards the center of your neck. "No, but I've had enough done that I remember a few things."

You felt his breath along the back of your neck as he continued to apply pressure with his hands and dig into your shoulders with his thumbs. It felt good, really good and you had to bit down on your lip to prevent a moan from coming out of your mouth. It was one thing that Tyler was giving you a candlelit massage in his jacuzzi, but it was another thing for you to moan out just how good he was doing. Your mind wandered down the road of no return as his hands kept doing the Lord's work. You couldn't help but wonder how his hands would feel if they were touching and massaging other parts of you and how bad you wished that they would just linger a little bit lower than their current  location.

"See, now isn't this better than talking about school?"

You were too lost in your daydream until you heard the moan you'd been holding back, escape from the back of your throat. You felt embarrassed because the moment you let it happen, Tyler had paused his hand movements for only a second, before picking them back up. You sat there, biting the inside of your cheek and focusing on how fast your heart was racing against your chest.

Should you do it?

What would he do if you did?

"Fuck it," you whispered, stepping out from under Tyler's hands and turning to face him.

"What?" He laughed, "Did I suck that bad?"

You didn't say anything as you moved closer to him and crawled onto his lap. You felt his quads tighten and watched as his eyes went wide, almost as if he was too afraid to move because he was too focused on what you were doing. You were nervous as hell, never really one to make big moves like this, but you were tired of just dancing in circles with Tyler and more than anything, you were hoping that taking the leap on this one...wouldn't bite you in the ass.

You wrapped your arms around his neck before leaning in and pressing your lips solidly against his. It was like the first time he kissed you, nothing crazy, just a kiss. And when he didn't kiss you back, you felt yourself begin to get swallowed up by a hole on embarrassment. No sooner than you went to pull away, Tyler grabbed your lower back and pulled you further onto his lap, groaning quietly before kissing you again. This time his mouth moved with your own, setting the pace that you were more than pleased to follow. You were the first to tease, dragging your tongue slowly across his bottom lip before he took it up a level and teased your tongue with his own. Your fingers looped around the back of his head, tangling themselves in his curls, just as he brought one of his hands down to your hip and tugs you against him once more.

Goosebumps erupted over your entire body the moment his hands started to wander across your skin. One stayed beneath the water, constantly guiding you across his lap as the other wandered across your belly before landing on the side of one of your breasts, his thumb rubbing over the front of your top. It was like he had well-timed the entire ordeal, because the moment you moaned at the sensation coming from beneath your top, Tyler stuck his tongue back into your mouth before biting down softly on your bottom lip. When you went to kiss him again, you untangled your fingers from his curls and untying the back of your bathing suit, taking the material and blindly tossing it aside before pressing your bare chest against Tyler and kissing him harder.

You were desperate to get him to understand just how badly you wanted him and when you could feel all of him brushing against your inner thigh, you sped up your movements, rolling your hips against him as he held onto your hips tightly. "Oh Fuck Y/N," he groaned, letting his head fall away from you.

You took the opportunity to reach your hands down into the water and grab onto his swim trunks, searching for the tied strings. You started to feel embarrassed at how you couldn't find them until you felt Tyler stir and you looked up to see him staring blatantly at your chest– reaching for a breast and cupping it. "You weren't wrong," he looked up at you with his childlike smile cupping the other breast and massaging them both. "Your boobs are pretty great."

You laughed before leaning in and kissing him, running your hands down his stomach and coming to a stop, once again at the waistband on his swim trunks. "No strings, you just tug em," he pulled back and reached his hands beneath the water, shifting as you felt the fabric of his swim trunks brush against your bottom. "It's easy science."

You rolled your eyes as he brought you back into his chest and you let your hands continue their journey down his body. To your, happy, surprise, the waistband of his swim trunks was no longer blocking your way. He kissed down your neck as you felt his hands wander down to your bottoms, twirling with the strings on either side of your hips. "Yes," you breathed out before he could even ask the question, even nodding your head in case he wouldn't get the signal.

His tugs on the strings of your bottoms were in synch and you felt him pull the fabric away from your body, leaving you vulnerable and naked beneath the water and on his lap. His hands traveled down to your butt as he tugged you closer against him, to the point where you could feel his cock resting between the both of you.

As he continued his assault on your neck, one bite caused you to moan loudly and he pulled away with wide eyes and a smile. "Not going to lie, that was kind of hot, and I’m definitely a big fan of the red raunchy bikini..."

You smiled, before the reality of your situation set in and you looked down at the water. The adrenaline was running through your veins, making you feel on top of the world– this was it. You and Tyler were going to finally have sex.

"I-I've never done this before," you blurted out, swallowing the small nervous knot in your throat.

Tyler stopped kissing down your chest and pulled back, looking at you. The look on his face could only be described as one that was worrisome as his hands cradled your lower back. "I thought...I mean...you and Cole never..."

"Oh no! No, no, no, we did!" Only then did you realize what your statement had made him think and you wanted to do nothing more than drown yourself in the jacuzzi. "That ship sailed a long time ago, like a lonnnng time ago. Junior winter formal, Jack Makenzie at Jamie's cabin– post formal party. Though, don't tell him that because I kind of lied and said it would be only girls, but it was actually–"

Tyler leaned forward and kissed you softly, a hand coming up to the left side of your face and cradling it. When he pulled away, his thumb was rubbing along your cheekbone. "Relax, Y/N, it's just me. If you don't want to do this, we don't have to. We can cuddle in bed and fall asleep."

"No, I want to do this, I want this..." You leaned into his touch, closing your eyes only for a moment before looking back at him. "I want you, I just...I've never done it in a hot tub before so..."

Tyler tried so hard to hide his dire want to laugh, but as always, he failed and burst out into laughter. He kissed you once, twice and pressed his head against yours. "You're such a dork, you know that? And I love that about you."

Your heart fluttered when he said it, and while you know that he probably didn't mean the big L...it still felt the same. You pressed yourself against him and kissed him until you were out of breath. When you pulled away, you kept your forehead pressed against his as the both of you tried to catch your breath.

It should be noted that hooking up in a jacuzzi, will leave you just as breathless as the hooking up itself– and you were going to be sure to mention that to Kennedy as a lesson learned.

Tyler's hands traveled up your sides, resting on your ribs before you looked at him. His eyes were staring into yours as if he was trying to find any hint of regret– that you weren't choosing to do this because it was a spur of the moment thing. You nodded before breathing out a breathless 'yes' and his hands traveled back down to your waist and beneath the water.

You were waiting for the touch of his you'd been longing for and when it'd yet to come you looked at him to see he has a sheepish smile on his face. "Do you want to uh..." his eyes traveled to the water, "I just don't want to um...I want it to be comfortable for you and you can set it at your own pace and–"

This time, you cut him off with a kiss before laughing and nodding your head. You took a short, but deep breath as a way to calm yourself before dipping your hand beneath the water and finding Tyler's wrist. You followed it to his hand, lingering your touch against his fingers before grasping his cock in your hand. He coughed to cover up his groan at your added touch but kept his eyes on you as you positioned yourself over him.

The both of you took sharp inhales of breath as you suck down onto him, one hand grasping onto his chest as you felt your head fall back slightly in relief. You took your time, taking him in and admiring the slight burn of him stretching you out. You needed to go slow, it's been months since you've had sex and Tyler was considerably thicker and longer than Cole.

"Y/N..." He whispered, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear and kissing your neck. "You need to breathe, babe."

"Sorry, it's just...it's been a while and you're so..." His hips tugged you down softly the last few inches and you moaned, falling into his chest. "Oh fuck."

You stayed pressed against his chest, focusing on breathing as he told you too– all in the while, he was stilled within you, rubbing your sides and switching between kissing your neck and your shoulder blades. As soon as he turned his face into the crook of your neck, you relaxed and pulled back nodding your head. "You ready? Can I move?"

"Yeah," you leaned in and kissed him hard, a clash of teeth and lips before moving to his neck and nipping just below his jaw. "Go ahead."

He thrust his hips up, pushing himself further into you and hitting a spot that made your legs feel like jello. When you felt him smirk against your neck, you laughed to yourself and knew that it was game on. You weren't one to toot your own horn, but little did Tyler know, this position was your expertise. You always had Cole melted like putty in your hands whenever you topped him and unfortunately...or fortunately for Tyler, he was about to find out.

You raised your hips and circled them before sinking back down again, grinding down onto him hard. "Oh fuck that..." his head fell back as his grip on your waist loosened, giving you more control. "That feels so fucking good."

You grinned to yourself as you placed your hands on his shoulders, pushing him against the wall of the jacuzzi, earning wide eyes and a smirk from Tyler. "Oh, shit Y/N...are you trying to dominate me?"

Your only reply was a flirty grin and your hips grinding down against him harder before clenching down onto him, causing him to choke on the breath he'd been holding. As you quicken your pace, Tyler started to meet you halfway but keeping his focus on his hands massaging your breasts.

"Tyler...fuck." You moaned, pressing your face into the crook of his neck and focusing on how good he was making you feel...until a jingling sound tore you away. "Did you hear that?"

"Huh? What?" He mumbled, thrusting his hips up again, completely enamored in you to even pay attention.

You heard more jingling, this time your eyes focusing on the house. You grabbed Tyler's face and turned his head towards the backdoor. "It's coming from over there...wait..is that?"

"Oh no, you've got to be kidding me," He groaned, stilling inside you and bringing you closer to his chest as the two of you watched the three figures get closer. "No! Go, bad boys!"

The three furry Seguins came running up to the two of you, tails wagging and tongues out. Gerry attacked Tyler's face with kisses as Cash and Marshall tried their best to get to you. Tyler wrapped one arm around your waist, pulling you into him as he shooed the dogs away with the other. "Go away, you're ruining it!"

You laughed, pulling your face out of his chest before patting it. "I don't think they're going away any time soon."

He looked at you, pouting before groaning. "I just got cockblocked by my own dogs, man's best friend my ass."

"Who said we were done?" You replied, climbing off of his lap.

He raised his eyebrows and let his eyes linger on you before he tugged up his swim trunks and climbed out of the jacuzzi. He picked up a towel and unfolded it, holding it up for you.

You stepped out of the jacuzzi, easily feeling his gaze linger on you before stepping towards the towel and letting him wrap you up in it.

He picked up his towel, wrapping it around his waist and touching your elbow. "Meet me in our room while I go deal with these," he turned his attention towards the dogs, who were all sitting down and staring at you both with big smiles. "Very bad boys."

You watched as he walked the dogs back into the house and took that time to not only collect your bathing suit but to turn off all of the lights and grab the Bluetooth speaker. As you made your way into the house, you couldn't wrap your mind about what just happened. Every time you tried to, the result was always the same:

Holy shit, you just had sex with Tyler.

And the butterflies haven't left your body at the way he called his bedroom, your bedroom or how slow and gentle he had been with you. It's only been a few moments since the dogs interrupted you, but you swore that you could still feel his touch and you were more than positive that you'd never forget the way he felt. When you got to the bedroom, you walked into the bathroom and laid your bathing suit over the tub before placing the speaker onto the counter and walking back into the room.

Now it felt like a waiting game and you could feel your nerves start to return– mainly in the fear of, what if he doesn't want to continue? You were beginning to pace around the room, clinging to your towel before you saw it– his jersey. The jersey he let you wear on Halloween, the one Jamie said he was waiting to get boxed up in a shadow box. You smiled, dropping your towel and walking over to the jersey, picking it up and letting it fall down your body. As you heard his footsteps coming up the stairs, you quickly walked back over to the bed, standing at the end of it and kicked the towel away.

"I don't know how the hell they even got out! I could've sworn that I left them in the–" He stopped in the doorway, his eyes glued to you in his jersey and you could tell that he was seconds away from drooling.

"So?" You smiled, raising an eyebrow as he made his way over to you.

"I wanted to have you the first time I saw you in the jersey," he smiled, making his way over to you. "With nothing but spandex, heels, and those cute bunny ears."

"Aw shucks," you pouted jokingly, "no bunny ears."

His hands traveled up the bottom of the jersey and ran across your bare skin, coming to a stop on your hips. "I like this outfit much, much better."

You wrapped your arms around his neck, smiling up at him. "Even without the ears?"

"Hell yeah," he replied, pulling you into him and kissing your cheek, moving down to your neck. "But I can always go and buy another pair."

"No need," you grinned as he playfully nipped your neck and you pushed him away. "Well, I think we've got too many clothes on, Seguin. What about you?"

"I think we can fix that," he replied and you watched as his childlike grin took over his face before he pounced on you, playfully tackling you onto his bed and sending you both into a giggle fit.

❒❒❒❒

When you woke up the next morning, the two of you were intertwined in mess of limbs and bedsheets. He had his face smashed into his pillow and he was drooling a little bit, add in his slight snoring and you knew that he was still sleeping hard. And you couldn't blame him, because last night was the most physical activity you had in a long time and if it wasn't for your immediate need to pee, you'd still be sleeping too. You snuck out from beneath his arm and he immediately stirred away, glaring at you with sleepy eyes. "No, come back."

"We have to get up, Ty," you groaned as he pulled you back into him. "We have to be at the arena in an hour for morning skate and we both need to shower."

His eyes shot open and he smiled at you. "Shower sex?"

"If you get up now, then–"

He practically jumped on top of you and kissed you before rolling off and running into the bathroom, stark ass naked. "I've got the water, you bring yourself and we're all set!"

"You're insatiable, Tyler!" You laughed, leaning up on your elbows and looking into the bathroom.

He peeked out from around the corner, still with a smile on his face. "I don't know what that means, but it sounds kind of hot so thank you." He disappeared back around the corner, the shower door opening. "Now get your cute ass in here so I can wash your hair."

Your time in the shower cut your 'get ready' time short, but Tyler made up for it by practically speeding to the arena. Luckily for Tyler, the morning skate wasn't going to be a normal practice, seeing as the Stars flew out to Nashville later that afternoon. When the two of you got out of the car, you told Tyler to walk ahead of you and that you'd wait for Big Rig, that way it wasn't suspicious of you to arrive with him rather than Tyler. When Tyler went to leave, Big Rig pulled up and you waved him down. You were leaning against Tyler's car when Big Rig walked up to you, adjusting the duffle bag on his shoulder. He stopped in front of you and took in your appearance before getting the biggest grin on his face.

"What's your problem, Teddy Bear?" You asked, looking back down at your phone to reply to a text from Kennedy.

"Oh yeah, you so got laid." He picked at a wet piece of your hair and smirked. "Last night and maybe some shower sex this morning I assume?"

You almost dropped your phone with how straightforward...and quite frankly correct, he was. "Don't say it so loud, you ass!" You smacked his stomach and he just laughed. "But how do you know?"

"You've got that post-sex glow," he waved his hand at you as the two of you made your way into the building. "Plus your RBF isn't as bad this morning like it always is."

"Oh shut up," You said, bumping into him as he kept laughing. "Don't think I don't know about your post-sex routine."

He gasped, looking at you with wide eyes. "She told you about that?"

You smirked and patted his chest. "We're best friends, Teddy Bear. I know everything." You eyed him up and down before patting him on the chest again and walked ahead of him.

"Wait! What do you mean everything! What did she say?"

You kept mum all while trying not to laugh as he kept begging you to spill the details on what you knew, your entire journey to the training room. And just when you were about to tell him, Jamie came jogging down the hall. "Y/N! I need you to grab my foam roller from the car, pretty please?"

"There's like five foam rollers in the room, why do you need yours?"

"Because everyone's using one and I forgot to bring it inside with me and my hamstrings are dying," he tossed you his car keys. "I'll tell Dave you're there, please!" You groaned, but ultimately agreed to go to his car and he smiled. "You're the best little sister ever!"

You turned to walk down the hallway, giving him a deadpan stare. "I'm your only little sister."

"Fine. Best sister!"

"I'm telling Jenn!"

He and Big Rig ignored your comeback and continued their way to the locker room as you made your way back out to the parking lot. On the bright side, this little detour gave you a little more time to yourself to absorb everything that happened last night, without having to do so in a room full of hockey players. Your busy night replayed in your mind and you pushed back the blush that so desperately wanted to make an appearance on your face. One thing that you couldn't help but wonder, is whether or not last night with Tyler and everything you guys did meant you were official on some kind of level.

"Nope, don't do that," you shut Jamie's car door, tucking his foam roller under your arm as you shook your head at yourself. "Don't be that girl who falls in love with a guy the moment you have sex."

Though to be fair, it was some pretty great sex. The best you've ever had and it only made sense as to how Tyler maintained to get so many girls throughout the years and kept them coming back. When you reached the training room, you stood outside of the door for only a few moments and composed yourself before opening it and walking inside.

You were immediately greeted with wild laughter and chirps being thrown left and right, the focus mainly being on Big Rig. "What's going on?" You asked, tossing Jamie his foam roller and walking over to your designated desk to grab the bands for Big Rig's stretching.

Dickinson smiled, wiggling his eyebrows in Big Rig's direction. "Oh nothing, just asking Big Rig how his trip to the zoo was."

"The zoo?" You came to a stop in front of Big Rig, handing him one end of the band. "When the hell did you go to the zoo?"

Big Rig looks at you before tugging onto the band and starting his stretches, trying his damndest to hide his blushing. "Not the literal zoo, Y/N," Pavs chimed in from across the room. "We're just pointing out how it looks like he jumped into an animal cage and got bit quite a few times."

You were confused as hell as you looked around the room to see everybody still laughing at Big Rig. When you turned your attention to him, your eyes widened the moment they landed on his neck. He had been wearing a sweatshirt beforehand, hiding the purple bruises that traveled below the shirt collar. "Holy fuck, what did she do to you?"

The boys' laughter roared again before fading as Big Rig finally looked at you with a groan. "She just wanted to celebrate the win." He tossed his towel at Rads and Dickinson. "At least I'm getting good sex, assholes."

You cringed, hitting him on the shoulder before moving towards your desk. "Please don't talk about that."

"I thought you already knew everything?" He replied, obviously mocking you.

"Yeah, but I don't need to hear YOU talk about it to your teammates, including my brother," you shuddered, shaking your head at the thought. "Ew."

"Hey Y/N, can you grab me two ibuprofen?" Jamie asked, raising his arm into the air.

You nodded and turned your attention over to the medicine cabinet, your back to the now relaxed and chattering group of men. The door opened again, followed by a whistle. "Looks like Big Rig wasn't the only one who found himself in bed with an animal, boys."

You rolled your eyes at Rad's comment, trying your best to mute out the guy talk as your eyes skimmed the shelves for the ibuprofen. "Jesus Seggy, did you and Big Rig take trips to the zoo together?" Miro chimed in, probably still a little confused at the metaphor.

"What the fuck are you on about, Miro?" Tyler asked, moving about the training room.

"Ha, got ya!" You smiled, reaching into the back of the cabinet and grabbing the bottle. You kept your focus on opening the bottle as you closed the cabinet and turned back to face the room.

"I'm talking about the sex scratches all over your back. It looks like you bedded a fucking leopard!" Dickinson laughed. You looked upon instinct to see him tugging on Tyler's shoulders and eventually forcing him to have his back faced to the room.

The moment your eyes landed on his muscled back, your body froze and the bottle of ibuprofen fell from your hands and onto the floor. Your eyes lingered on the bright red scratches that decorated the entirety of his back– evidence of your night together and just how good Tyler had made you feel.

"Let me see!"

"No, I want to see! Are they that bad?"

You watched, horrified, as his teammates kept tugging him around, trying to get a glimpse of the so-called 'sex scratches', their laughter bouncing off of the walls. Your cheeks were no doubt a deep scarlet color by now and they only got hotter when you saw Jamie bend down and pick up the ibuprofen in front of you. "Jesus Seggy, you're telling me that you didn't know those were there?" He asked, opening the bottle and grabbing two pills before handing it back to you.

"I was uh, a little distracted I guess."

You made quick eye contact with him before tucking your head into your chest and turning away, trying to prevent yourself from any more humiliation. You kept your back to the rest of the boys, looking up only for a moment to see Big Rig looking at you with a smirk. As you walked by him, you reached out and pinched his inner thigh hard, quickly rushing by him and going to the cabinet.

"Let me guess the number for the o-scale...three for four?" Pavs called out, silencing the roaring laughter.

"No fucking way, I say one and done. He's getting too old.." Dickinson chimed in, elbowing Tyler. "There's no way he can hang on that long."

You bit your tongue as an effort to prevent yourself from saying just how many times Tyler had made you cum last night, instead, choosing to focus on helping Big Rig continue his stretching– though it wasn't needed. "Yeah Seggy, tell us!" Big Rig said, keeping his eyes on you and the smirk on his face. "Three for Three? More than four?"

If looks could kill, Big Rig would be buried in a casket six feet under right now and you made sure that he knew it. You grabbed the elastic around his foot and snapped it back, only making him laugh.

"The gel's over there, Tyler. Grab it for me and I can get out those knots." Craig said, paying no mind to the conversation around him.

Tyler was turning red and rubbing the back of his neck in an effort to try and hold them off and you were silently praying that he wouldn't cave into their pressure. "Four for four..." He mumbled and you could feel his gaze scrape over you.

The hollering from the boys around him was deafening as they all congratulated him and patted him on the back. Meanwhile, it was all you could do not to die from embarrassment while dealing with the plaguing smirk coming from Big Rig.

"Damn Seggy," Jamie laughed, patting Tyler on the back like some proud dad. "You've got a real keeper there, don't you? She managed to scratch you up that bad? She must've been doing all the work for you."

Big Rig couldn't hold back his laughter anymore, making a noise that mimicked an elephant as he let go of his side of the band and fell back onto the table, clutching onto his stomach. "Oh my God," he whispered, his face turning beet red.

You were too busy focusing on anything but the nauseous feeling you started to have the moment Jamie unknowingly congratulated Tyler on having sex with you, his younger sister. "Yeah, she is..." Tyler replied.

You kept your focus on the band around Big Rig's foot, constantly tapping his shins in an attempt to try to get him to sit back up. Before he made it known, you could feel Tyler's presence and were sure of it when Big Rig finally sat up, still with a grin on his face. "Well, isn't this a lovely sight? At least I'm not the only one getting chirped."

Tyler laughed and looked at you, seeing that you were extremely embarrassed. In an effort to calm you down, he moved closer to you, pretending like he was asking you a question. "I'm sorry. I forgot they were there and I need to get scraped and I just...came in here without a shirt."

You shrug it off, focusing on Big Rig. "It's fine. Though I'll admit, hearing my brother talk about us having sex is something I never thought I'd experience." He laughed and you looked at him, leaning against the table. "So what do you need?"

"I need a lot of things," he whispered, smiling at you. "A massage like last night, for one." He scoffed when he saw you roll your eyes in reply. "Okay yeah, don't act like my massage last night didn't do something for you."

"Man," Big Rig laughed, shaking his head at the two of you. "These Copeley 206 girls, am I right Seggy?"

You pinched Big Rig again, this time on the inner knee and he flinched away from you as he and Tyler laughed. "Well, he's not lying. I mean have you seen what you and Kennedy have done to us? Ruined our beautiful, athletic bodies with your...sexual marks."

"Yeah, well if Big Rig doesn't stop and you don't stop encouraging him," you turned to Tyler and gave him a sarcastic smile, batting your eyelashes at him. "You'll be getting none of my services from last–"

"A mini towel and some gel!" Tyler blurted out, his smirk falling and his eyes looking panicked. "I just need one of those towels and the gel. Craig said it was over here somewhere with you?"

You furrowed your eyebrows, shaking your head slightly. "What are you–" When you saw Tyler move his eyes to your left, you pretended to look for the stuff he needed and that's when you saw just how close Bishop was standing by your area, doing his band exercises.

You felt yourself begin to panic, but took a quiet, deep breath and exhaled before clearing your throat and bending down beneath the table, grabbing a towel. "I have towels, but the gel is probably with Dave. You must've heard him wrong."

Tyler nodded, taking the towel from you. "Probably, seeing as I didn't get much sleep last night." You saw the mischievous gleam in his eyes before he nodded at Big Rig. "Nice marks, did you cross paths with a squid?"

Before Big Rig could smack him with his free band, Tyler ran off laughing. You kept working with him, adding in new stretches until Bishop finished with his and left the training room. When you reached another point that Big Rig was done with his stretches, he leaned up and put both hands on your shoulders. "You need to breathe Y/N, because you look like you could pass out at any moment."

"I think I'm going to, what if..." You looked around the now, less crowded training room, collecting the bands from him. "What if he heard something? Anything or all of it? I'd be dead! My own brother would probably murder me with his hockey stick..maybe even his skate if he was angry enough."

"You'll be fine, Y/N." Big Rig patted your shoulders before hopping off of the table. "Bish has old man hearing, I doubt he heard anything."

He gave you a reassuring smile and you felt yourself start to relax. He was right, there was no way that Bishop could've heard your entire conversation, and now that you thought about it...he wasn't really all that close to you guys after all. Your gut feeling was wrong this time, you were sure of it.

"Hey Y/N, can you help me real quick? I just need my ankles taped." Miro asked, walking over to your table before hopping up and greeting you with a smile. "Best ankle taper in the game."

You smiled, before walking over to the cabinet and grabbing some pre-wrap and tape. You closed your eyes, took a deep breath, opening them once you exhaled and closed the cabinet.

Everything was going to be fine...perfect, even.

[iraprince]

I found your "thinking out loud" comic, and it hit hard. Ive never been good at articulating my feelings and seeing something that so closely mirrored my own experience was comforting and validating as I was trying to get better. However, I had thought I had gotten through crisis mode and was on the long, difficult rode of recovery and self acceptance. I was wrong. What Im dealing with now is crisis mode. My old problems are getting worse,(part 1 of 2 i know doing this is lame but *shrugs*)

(Part 2) New problems i haven't had to deal with before are showing up, and I don't know how to handle it all. Like you, it's easy for me to see why this is happening. Ive been struggling and wanting to die for awhile. But I've never been able to face these feelings. I've always avoided my feelings or locked them away, so now that I'm actually trying to get better, im facing years worth of unresolved bullshit. And i just don't know if I'm going to make it though all this alive.

i really really get this and i feel like there’s no way for me as a stranger to give u like, life changing advice that’s going to clear everything up. but i can tell u that for me what was really important was like.... i know we hear “mleh mleh just take it one day at a time uwu <3” all the time and it’s like great thanks but every “one day” sucks shit and then the day after that also sucks shit and i’m aware the day after that day will continue to suck shit and — you get what i mean. it’s not really uplifting.

but what worked better for me was realizing that u cant tackle everything that sucks all at once. you HAVE to be okay with other shit sliding while you tackle the One Thing thats fucking up your day more than anything else. right now i’m pretty even keeled and i wouldn’t say Most of my days are fucked up at all, which is insane and i absolutely never would have imagined that for myself. but a couple years ago? 90% of my life was a mess while i worked on the One thing i needed to keep things together, which was “don’t kill yourself, don’t lose your job.” i was managing to get out of bed, go to work, come home — and i lived in ABSOLUTE filth and didn’t take care of myself and barely had a social life even tho i was living in a house with literally 5 other people, almost all of whom i liked perfectly fine. but i was working on the one thing. i zeroed 100% in one “dont kill yourself, don’t lose your job” and i made it through those years and if i’d tried to make my goal “don’t kill yourself don’t lose your job get healthy find a way to socialize besides drinking and keep your space clean and organized” i think i would have accomplished 0% of that instead of 10%.

idk. it’s hard for me to think of a way to phrase this that doesn’t come off as “when you’re mentally ill u can just let everything go to shit and nobody can tell u to try harder bc u cant help it!”, which is the mindset i had in the years BEFORE the years i just described and it Does Not Fucking Work, it hurts the people around you, and it almost killed me. but what i mean is you just really have to have gentle standards for yourself. you have to be okay with expecting less when you’re doing really really badly — and that doesn’t mean not holding yourself accountable and that doesn’t mean never pushing yourself, bc nobody is coming to save you, nobody can make you get better but you, you HAVE to push and you have to do the hard work and you have to fight. but you also have to be realistic about how much of that fight you can do per day and sometimes the amount of fight in your body is really low and weak and... that’s just how it is. sometimes you manage one weak little slap in the face of your illness and it looks like “i woke up, i got up to pee, i drank a few sips of water, and i went straight the fuck back to sleep so i wouldn’t think about killing myself.”

you HAVE to keep fighting to want more for yourself than that. you have to fight and claw and scream and scratch to convince yourself that you deserve better than living like that every day. but you also have to learn to understand that you don’t have that energy every day and sometimes it’s going to look like “i cant do this today. i don’t feel like fighting today, i don’t love myself today, i don’t feel like i want to be better today. but this is storing up energy so i can start screaming again the day after tomorrow.”

all i can tell u is that this isn’t going to beat u, i feel confident abt that even as a complete stranger. bc i’m proud of what i’ve done for myself but i’m not stronger or smarter than anyone else at baseline, i don’t think anyone is stronger or tougher or has ANYTHING at the core that anyone else doesn’t have, from like, a Spirit and Heart standpoint as hokey as that sounds. i can’t tell you it’ll be easy or fast bc it wasn’t for me. but literally every single day i’m glad i didn’t kill myself and sometimes i break down crying over how glad i am that i didn’t do it, out of nowhere in the middle of my day, and i believe in that for you.

[selfcareparker]

hi bae <3 reading that last ask i’m realizing i have no grammar? lmao

glad university is funnnn, when you said linguistics i was like 🤨 but then i googled it and it does sound interesting lmao

the too much free time part though... :( its like you expected to be thrown in and like WOO BUSY and WOO purpose (purpose may be going too far lol) but i totally get what you’re saying. ESPECIALLY when you expect to be busier and you’re not it’s like :/ ok. (& girlllll it’s fine to complain, it’s how ur feeling)

and bc of covid you have eVEN LESS STUFF TO DO, which sucks. the social part may help? even just a little bit, but maybe having some socialization.. it could be somewhat uplifting? idk gsjshsj

where i live the vaccine is for 16 and up right now but for the younger kids (12-15) it hasn’t been ✨FDA approved✨ yet so my brother is still waiting for his 🤠

okay really quick, how does drivers license work there? here you learn to drive at 16 and you can like actually drive (sometimes even alone in the car) by 17... (also burneks?)

YAYYYY GIRLLL i remember you telling me about how you haven’t seen your family in England in such a long time 🥺🥺🥺 i really hope you get to see them soon!!!! and that covid eases up so you can see them frequently again 🥺🥺🤍

i’m gonna tattoo that to my forehead “not being friends with your parents is unhealthy” EXACTLY!! the people saying that stuff are usually not close to their parents so 👀

i’ve been really busy (unfortunately imo lol) with my dance recital coming up and this singing group (which i don’t like at all) and my final tests bc of school i’m EEK but it’s a good eek i think? maybe? idk lolll, i can’t wait for everything to be over though so i can CHILL. after school however i have a missions trip in north carolina? don’t quote me on that, but yeah 🥰 i’m really excited about it bc i’ll be without my family (like on my own :)) and it’s this whole thing and i’ll get to know people and i’m gonna buy a new bathing suit that makes me look gooooood cuz i’m tryna cop a boyfriend while i’m there HAHAHAH but besides that... more acting and singing camps probably? most likely a summer job.. i don’t have any plans reallyyy set in stone but ya know (ACTUAL i do have a few things planned. but those are things i don’t want to do. so i will be ignoring them <3)

that was a long ass paragraph- but PLEASE UR RESPONSE WAS FINEEE & i love you 💓💓💖💞💘💓💞💕 literally watch me buy a ticket to germany rn

- lovely anon (or catherine? i feel that lovely anon is iconic now tho so. kinda like how i call you aria in my head not your real name lol ALSO I PROMISE IM GONNA RESPOND TO THAT REALLY SOON, it’s just really busy rn) <3

what’s wrong with tumblr i just saw this a minute ago 🥲🥲🥲🥲 they don’t want to see us together ✋🏼 but fuck them 💘

Whaksk wait wdym by you have no grammar? 😭😭hejsjs

Honestly I’m so surprised that I’m enjoying linguistics but i think since i speak english and german i’ve just always been interested in language and esp english since it’s just my second language so i was forced to learn more about the language than just words and grammar, because it’s such a big part of me and also i didn’t always have a british accent so i kind of had to... develop a british accent, and it was natural but also kind of wasn’t??? Anyway why was this one sentence like 17 lines i’m sorry

YES OMG EXACTLY and obviously i’m missing out on the whole uni experience i mean I’m introverted anyway but i don’t mind going to a party every now and then? but i haven’t talked to a single person from my uni (except in class when we had to analyse a poem or something— okay technically some of my friends go to the same uni as me but they’re all studying other stuff)

But yeah I’ll definitely try to meet my friends more often 🥺 but we all have really different schedules rn so it’s really hard to find days where we both/all are free and not too tired and yeahssjsksj but i mean.... i can pay 50% of your ticket to germany? and then we can hang out? 🥰

I think everyone over 18 can get their vaccine from Monday on so I’ll try to call (okay, my mum will call sisjsh) and see if i can get an appointment. but i think everything will be super full because previously only people over... 50?or 60? or people with like illnesses could get it and now everyone over 18 can get it??? Like that’s a lot of people who can suddenly get the vaccine sksjjs but at the same time they’re getting quicker with it (i think today over 1 million people got the vaccine???? Like i know the US probably gets wayyy more people done so idk if that sounds like nothing to you but obviously Germany is much smaller so to me that sounds like a lot???) and also one of my father’s friend’s wife (djdkdj) works at a hospital or something? And she said she’ll ask if I can get it done there so yeah 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Isksmsjjs it took me so long to figure out what burneks was, i googled it (very weird results?) and then i realised i made a typo.... yeah no idea what i was trying to say lol

So in Germany (as far as I’m aware) you can start at 17 and you can’t have your test before you’re 17 years and 6 months old (idk why) and then you’re not allowed to drive alone until you’re 18 and then you still have two years on probation(is that what it’s called?) and you’re not allowed to drink a single sip of alcohol before you’re 21 (and drive) (cause in germany you’re allowed to drink when you’re 14 (if your parents are with you and allow it), then when you’re 16 you can buy beer and wine, and when you’re 18 you can buy everything. But you’re not allowed to drink and drive (even if it’s just 0.01 promille) until you’re 21)

(Okay I just googled and I don’t think you say pro mille/per mille in english sksjsjs but like the percent (or something...) of alcohol you have in your blood (idk biology sorry) (not that you asked about drinking and driving anyway? 😭 but there you go lmaoo)

Also idk if that’s just a UK thing or you also have it in the US? But all of my relatives from England keep asking me how often I’m driving with my parents (for practice)... and in Germany that’s.... not allowed? Like in england you can get these L (Learner) plates that you can stick on the back of your car and then you can drive anytime with your parents, but in germany you can only drive with your driving instructor during a paid for and legally organised driving lesson so. Kksskaj

Yess, the good thing now is that i can go to england anytime? Because Uni is all online anyway so it’s not like i have to wait until the holidays to see my family, i really hope i’ll see them soon🥺 it was my nana’s bday today and my grandad’s a few weeks ago so i’m painting two pictures for them tomorrow and sending them as a (late) gift next week 😌 (i’ll do like an impressionist ✨field of flowers✨ (that sounds awful sksjsjsj for reference i’ll look something like this: (it’s not mine i just found it on the internet while i was looking for some inspiration

for my nana, and something with a waterfall for my grandad) (looking at it now i don’t even think that’s impressionism? Idfk i had art as my subject for my a levels (like one of my final exams) and i actually got an A 👀 but it was mainly architecture and i don’t even remember that so

Ahhh I hope it’s a good eek!! Sksjj hopefully you’ll be done with everything soon and i already know you’re gonna do really good in all of your tests😌 but still: good luck ❤️❤️❤️

Idk if it’s actually cool? But North Carolina sounds so cool to me (but honestly you could have said any state and i’d think it’s cool sksksskm) And girl I still think it’s so amazing that you just sing and dance and act and omg ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

(I’m imagining us in a montage (?) like they always have in films while we’re shopping to get you a hot bathing suit😌😌 and then they always come home with like 6 shopping bags in the movies—)

This is gonna sound so dumb because who tf wants to work? But I’ve always wanted a summer job 🥲 like nothing too exhausting obviously but i’ve never earned any money by myself? I haven’t had a single job in my life (not that I’m that old and like only one of my friends has worked in her life like we’re young sksjsj) and yeah i think it would be really cool to have a summer job and earn some money 😌 but during the summer holidays (they’re only 6 weeks in germany) we’d always go to england for at least two weeks and then we’d drive to bosnia to see my dad’s family for a few days and then to croatia and then to Bosnia again sksksksms so i never had time for a summer job (obviously i’m aware that it’s a fucking privilege that i’ve never had to work and that i get to go to multiple countries during the holidays but yeah)

WHY DO I TALK SO MUCH AUSSKKSSM

Like I said I’ll pay 50% of your ticket 😌 i’ll be here stuck at home anyway, just let me know when you’re coming so i can come pick you up😌 (this emoji djskksks— but i mean it fits so i’ll use it as often as i can 😌)

Lovely anon IS iconic 😌✨ but Catherine is more than okay too🥰 so just say whatever you prefer ❤️

(And omg you never have to apologise for responding to my long ass, full-of-mistakes responses late sksjs take your time (i mean i wouldn’t be mad if you just didn’t respond to some of them i talk too much anyway <3333)

[bronanlynch]

I enjoyed doing this last week so this is. a thing now I guess. click through for roundup of whatever media I’ve been into in the past week (will normally be on thursdays I think bc that’s the day I’m usually free but my schedule this week was weird) (inspired by the tuesday again thing that @girlfriendsofthegalaxy does)

listening: the new Mountain Goats album Getting Into Knives is very fun and full of bops, for a given value of both “fun” and “bops” because it’s The Mountain Goats so it does have that edge of depression but quite a few of the songs are a bit more. cheerful? than a lot of their other stuff, for lack of a better word

favorite track is probably The Rat Queen

listening (podcast edition): this very fun episode of Overinvested tearing apart the new movie adaptation of Rebecca which I have not seen and was not planning on seeing but I do enjoy people smartly analyzing why things aren’t good and also I do love discussions about Gothic romance

reading: The Mermaid, the Witch, and the Sea by Maggie Tokuda-Hall is probably a very good book that someone else will enjoy very much, as lots of people whose opinions I generally trust already have enjoyed it. and I possibly will enjoy more if I give it another chance, once I’ve gotten over being disappointed that it wasn’t what I was looking for right now. the premise is neat! the worldbuilding is cool! the characters are interesting! mermaids, witches, and seas are three of my favorite things and also there are pirates, my other fave thing!

the reason I bounced off of it so hard is that I kept seeing it hyped up as a trans/nonbinary book, and then felt kinda let down when I started reading it and realized that the main character whom I’ve seen described as genderqueer is 1) dressing as a guy because someone else suggested it for safety reasons and 2) this was several years before the story starts and this character still refers to herself exclusively (disclaimer that I didn’t read the full thing but. as far as I got and also I skimmed toward the ending) as she and by her feminine birthname. and those things are fine, that’s a valid gender story, nonbinary people can absolutely keep their old pronouns and names and it doesn’t make them any less nonbinary, but the way it was framed in the parts that I read felt to me more like the old classic ‘girl dresses as guy for plot reasons’ thing, which isn’t something I personally wanted to read more of right now, especially not when I went in expecting something that would resonate more with my gender experience

watching: I’ve been rewatching Leverage, since I only ever watched the first season many years ago because that’s what was free on hulu at the time, and the thing that’s really getting to me is how fundamentally hopeful it is. like, yeah, sure, the premise of it is about how capitalism is designed to fuck people over and there is A Lot about specifically health insurance being really really awful. so there are parts of it that are a lil bit too real, but then at the end of the day they always win and punish the rich capitalists and help their victims and it’s just. nice to see that kind of happy ending

the specific episode I’m having lots of thoughts about is the Mile High Job, which is about the team is trying to protect a potential corporate whistleblower from being murdered by her coworker while on an airplane. at first they’re not sure what’s going on because they weren’t expecting two people from the corporation to be on that flight, so they don’t know which person is the one they should be focusing on. one of them is an anxious younger woman and the other is an extremely generic man, and from the moment they decided that the woman was the one they had to protect I was dreading the plot twist of “no actually you just helped her take out her target and you should’ve been protecting the other guy” which would’ve felt just. so mean-spirited and cynical but it’s the kind of thing I expect from media I guess. and then once it was clear that nope, that twist wasn’t going to happen, I expected her to turn around at the end and be like “actually no I’m not gonna testify against the corporation because I’ve realized how dangerous it is.” and I kind of hate that I’ve become so jaded by both media and also the real world that I’m so ready to expect the most cynical option, because I’m not used to stories about how even though the system is corrupt and oppressive and exploitative, people can still help each and they do and sometimes they make things better

playing: got back into playing Dishonored after taking a couple weeks off because I got stuck and frustrated and also kept playing for too long at a time and giving myself headaches. Lady Boyle’s Last Party (which I am going to completely and entirely spoil so if you don’t want that this is your warning) is probably the mission that I have the strongest mixed feelings about. I love the approach to the party, I love the concept of sneaking into a masquerade ball, I love signing the guestbook with your actual legal wanted fugitive name while wearing the mask that you commit all of your crimes in, I love a good fancy party mission I cannot stress that enough it’s the sexiest possible setting

HOWEVER. trying to sneak around upstairs fucking sucks because the ceilings aren’t high enough for there to be places to hide, like convenient hanging lamps or pipes to blink up to. my least favorite room in this entire game is that art gallery because you can get on top of the cases and you think you’re safe because you’re Up but then the guards spot you instantly and sound the alarm and the entire party shuts down and then you let them kill you so that you can go back to your last save

ADDITIONALLY, fuck the nonlethal option for this one. I hate it so much and feel so incredibly gross about choosing it but I also feel extremely not great about tricking her into meeting me alone and then actually assassinating her. the conversation is so uncomfortable that I tried to be like “actually no nevermind” which causes her to think you’re weird and creepy and she has the guards ““throw you out”“ which apparently in Dunwall is just how you say that she’s gonna have the guards murder you. but anyway. she's a shitty rich lady but she doesn't deserve either of the things that could happen to her and she's only a target because she's sleeping w a guy who sucks. she hasn’t done anything! she isn’t actually responsible for what happened to Jessamine or Emily! which works on a narrative level in my opinion because this is the last mission before you go after the lord regent and it’s becoming clear that the loyalists are just using Corvo for their own agenda and don’t actually care about Jessamine. but it’s still unpleasant to be the one enacting it, y’know?

also on a narrative level, I really like the concept of doing a clean hands run except killing each of the actual targets, because I feel like that would be a cool inversion of the trope where the hero kills a bunch of mooks and then refuses to kill the big bad because murder is wrong. on a gameplay level, I’m still gonna do the nonlethal options because I refuse to risk getting the bad ending, and I’m proud of the fact that I haven’t killed anyone since getting out of prison. I do wanna do a high chaos playthrough at some point though just to see how it goes, since I went low chaos last time too

sorry for writing an entire essay about Dishonored but. the funniest thing from that mission is that apparently if you get spotted by one of the maids in the basement where you are not supposed to be (the guards will immediately attack if they see you) instead of raising the alarm she just says “welcome to the party.” love that solidarity.

making: none of my cosplay stuff is at an especially picture-worthy stage and I didn’t get pictures of the pesto I made for dinner last night so there’s not gonna be much that’s interesting here but I did go to Spirit Halloween after Halloween when everything was on clearance and got a bunch of stuff that I’m gonna use for cosplay eventually

writing: soon I will finish the Eddis/Attolia Queen’s Thief fic that’s been rattling around in my brain ever since I finished the last book. hopefully.

[sapphireglyphs]

Thanks for the tag, Amy my dear! @shineyma ❤ Also, you moved to Louisiana?! How is this the first time I’m hearing about this?! O_O *sigh* we need to catch up, friend!

1. What is the color of your hairbrush? So my current hairbrush I got while I was in Hawaii for my middle sister’s wedding. The head of the brush is an iridescent lime-yellow with black bristles and yellow tips. The brush’s handle has a quilted-patterned silicone for a comfy, semi-squishy grip. I got it bc it reminded me of a pineapple.🍍 

2. Name a food you never eat. Banana; I’m allergic. 

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold? Too warm. 🥵

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? The 7Leaves drive-thru for my morning milk tea. 

5. What’s your favorite candy bar? Reese’s Fast Break or a Twix.

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? I don’t think so...

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? “Ah! Sorry water bottle!” (I knocked him over on accident 🥺)

8. What is your favorite ice cream? Pistachio

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Milk tea

10. Do you like your wallet? So... I have a thing for mid-end wallets and purses... it puts a strain on my bank account but I make do. The very first time I saw my current wallet was on Ebay and it was love at first sight. The problem was it was an older design so it was harder to find for less than $100. So I waited and waited and waited whilst also scouring the internet for months looking for one that was reasonably priced in the color I wanted... and I nearly gave up when, lo and behold, it was going on sale for $60 bucks plus free shipping on some outlet website! I had to triple checked the website (make sure it was legit) before I shelled out the cash for my prize and the rest was history~ 😍

11. What is the last thing you ate? Lunch.

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? Not last weekend.

13. What’s the last sporting event you watched? Oh my goodness... it has legit been so long since I’ve watched any sports elated anything (besides the occasional sports-like competition on my weekly variety shows)...  

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? I’m not a huge popcorn fan (mainly bc when it gets stuck between my teeth it can get really painful) but California’s own “Gaslamp Popcorn” Malibu Mix, which combines the company’s signature Sea Salt & Olive Oil, White Cheddar and Kettle Corn flavors is like crack. Arguably, the best popcorn in existence!

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? My friend Anson. 

16. Ever been camping? Does 6th grade camp count as camping?

17. Do you take vitamins? Not regularly.

18. Do you regularly attend a place of worship? No - it used to be a family thing. So now I only go to my local temple for New Years. 

19. Do you have a tan? I don’t tan, I typically just burn.

20. Do you prefer Chinese or pizza? It depends on what I’ve had recently.

21. Do you drink your soda through a straw? Only if I’m given a straw. 

22. What color socks do you usually wear? I typically wear nylon socks bc of the flats I wear to work so they’re mostly nude or black. 

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? More often than I care to admit unless I am distracted (which is not great either way). 😅

24. What terrifies you? Not being able to find someone to call my own. 

25. Look to your left, what do you see? Water bottle, can of compressed air, pencil pouch, sunglasses, glasses, and old receipts. My table is a mess. T_T 

26. What chore do you hate most? I hate cleaning the bathroom... ugh! I’m getting a headache just thinking about it! 

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? Jake Sim of Enhypen reading his lines for their debut trailer. 

28. What’s your favorite soda? Every holiday season I would get my all-time favorite soda, Canada Dry (Cranberry) Ginger Ale... when it’s not in season, I typically drink clear sodas like 7-up or Sprite... and ginger ale. 

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Drive thru.

30. What’s your favorite number? 9

31. Who’s the last person you talked to? My mom.

32. Favorite meat? Fish.

33. Last song you listened to? "All Night” ASTRO. K-pop playlist on shuffle~

34. Last book you read? Ah… I haven’t been reading anything outside of fanfics lately. The last like novel I started reading but never finished was “A Thousand Beginnings and Endings” by Ellen Oh… I should pick it back up again.

35. Favorite day of the week? Tuesday.

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? I think so but not nearly as fast nor proficient as I would be the right way around. 😆

37. How do you like your coffee? I don’t typically drink coffee but when I do I like it so sweet and creamy it shouldn’t be considered coffee any longer. 

38. Favorite pair of shoes? I have the cutest pair of navy blue ballerina flats with scalloped edges and a tiny gold bow atop each side.

39. Time you normally get up? Lately it’s been late... usually around 9-9:30?

40. Which do you prefer: sunrise or sunsets? I think I prefer sunsets.

41. How many blankets on your bed? 1 comforter is usually more than enough for me.

42. Describe your kitchen plates. Vintage, milky white chinaware with scalloped edges and a pink cherry blossom pattern. Circa France,1960.   Florentine by Arcopal.

43. Describe your kitchen at the moment. Pretty damn clean but that’s bc yesterday was the holidays, so my mom was in a cleaning mood. 

44. Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? I don’t drink.

45. Do you play cards? My family plays a Thai version of Old Maid called “Dummy”. It’s kinda’ addicting but I can’t play it by myself which sucks. 

46. What color is your car? Dark blue. 

47. Can you change a tire? Nope. 😕 I should probably learn how to do that...

48. Your favorite state or province? I’ve only been to a few and I think like Washington best... but Cali is where all my friends are sooo...

49. Favorite job you’ve had? Clerk typist for the elementary school I worked for.

tagging: @cancered-gemini​ @omiyukio​ @nosevenadapresente​ @cerberus-angel​ @doiloveyou-myohmy​ @safelycapricious​ @moonladymusings​ and anyone else who fancies killing some time!

[stop-weighting-for-change]

UPDATE 4

OK!!! So this update is a ~lil~ bit off my normal update schedule, but honestly better late than never :)

July 25th marked the official end of my first Chloe Ting challenge: her 4 week summer shred. I didn’t lose as many lbs as I figured I would throughout which kinda disappointed me at first bc i was eating clean enough and often times less calories than i probably shoulda been eating so it like didn’t make sense??? but then today i retook my measurements (which i initially took the day i started the challenge on june 27th) and OH MY GOD???? I LOST 11 INCHES TOTAL AROUND MY BODY????? I CANNOT BELIEVE IT??????? I was so so so so so so proud/happy and I’m amazed. It makes sense now why I didn’t lose ~as many~ lbs as i initially figured i would bc i musta gained a lil bit o’ muscle and im happy af bc muscle burns fat :)

I am planning to start a new 4 week summer shred a week this friday and im waiting a week to start the new shred for a few different reasons: 1) mentally, physically, emotionally, im tired and im EXTREMELY proud of myself so i recognize that my accomplishments deserve a lil time off! Ive earned it! 2) chloe literally recommends taking a week off inbetween challenges to get the various types of rest needed and shes the expert here not me so there ya go. and finally, (which is honestly my fav and most extra reason lmao), 3) both my siblings birthday is august 3 and my birthday is august 16. by starting the next 4 week (28 day) challenge on july 31 i am perfectly timing my active rest days on the 4th and 17th days of the challenge to fall on both their and my respective bdays. i realized that the other day when trying to decide when to start my next shred and if thats not just the happiest of accidents idk what is :’)

Im not gonna lie and say the last few months have been easy on my mental health. i graduated college this past december and since then i have felt this never ending spiral that im old and my best days are behind me and theres just an impending doom to get my life together/perfect. and this pandemic only made things abt a billion-ish times worse. i got furloughed so i didnt even have my bullshit part-time job to keep life somewhat “scheduled” for myself and that really sucked. i cut ties with a person who had been a constant and sense of comfort in april bc of my so-called-friends ignorance, selfishness and lack of communication and things had just not been the best. dont get me wrong, i am so privileged to have my family all together, have everyone be healthy and safe and comfortable enough (both financially and physically) to stay homes for months on end but i wont lie and say it hasnt taken somewhat of a mental toll. BUT ANYWAYS my point was that in spite of quarantine dragging me further down, i feel like this newfound lifestyle transformation journey has given me a reason to continue bettering myself and has made for a good reason to look in the mirror.

Enough sappiness i should probably end this overly dramatic and unnecessarily long update post bc honestly no one is reading this anyways lol. were all in this together (<3 troy bolton style <3) and if anyone should ever need my support, even if only virtually, i am here!

P.S. this may be an INSANE thought butttttttttt is it weird that i ~cannot wait~ for halloween. its still 3 months away but wow oh wow am i already siked for it to arrive :D

P.P.S. i found this killer marble cake recipe bc im gonna be making my own bday cake and i literally cant wait to try it i hope it turns out well... unlike some of my past cakes lmao........

[vitosscaletta]

🍓 🍓 🍓🍓🍓🍓 for ALL your vampire kids! 🦇

AIRIKA..TY FOR MY LIFE! ok this is gonna be long 

CHRISTIAN

🍓 — he’s over 300 years old (that technically makes him an elder according to the lore book… overpowered king) & was embraced in the 1600s, he was the son of a french marquis back in the day 😳 He lived in Versailles for a long time & considered it his home even though people would literally shit in the corners there -_-

🍓 — has NO idea how technology works… he has one of those ugly early 2000s flip phones because he saw other people having those but has absolutely no idea how to use them, much less a computer. Most people just think he’s ~romantic or something for writing letters but he really has no idea how to write an email :(

🍓 — He’s the baron of Bel Air.. has a nice mansion there bc living for over 300 years gives you time to hoard that much money ig. 

🍓 — His grand-sire (??) is Helen of Troy 😳 overpowered af bloodline

🍓 — He doesn’t care about vampire politics in the slightest and is sort of aligned with the camarilla bc he has power within them but there’s no loyalty or conviction.. the main reason he’s in it is to start drama and watch it unfold 💅 He and La🥐 can’t stand each other but also can’t do anything about it… Strauss is okay with him but they’d also sell each other out for one corn chip.. He’s sort of frenemies with Gary, they hate each other because… yknow toreador and nosferatu but they’re equally shady so there’s mutual respect… in an odd way 

🍓 — He doesn’t have any other childe..r… whatever the term is except miss Helena.. he hangs around humans a lot but has no real attachment to them (except being kind of a hoe and.. yknow.). She’s the first mortal in a long time he felt anything for which was mostly just good old toreador obsession but he thought it was love.. she vaguely resembled a lost love of his. and had potential I guess so he actually got permission for embracing her babey… just not from her bc he didn’t even consider someone wouldn’t want to be a vampire.. 🙄

HELENA

🍓 — Having OP Christian as her sire did have its perks even though she hates his guts for embracing her… She automatically had a pretty good position within the camarilla through connection alone :^) she works as sort of an informant/spy for the prince directly.. which puts her at odds with a bunch of people - they either think she’s an inexperienced little girl who doesn’t know what she’s doing and works for an incompetent prince OR hate her for being in his sort of inner circle without having to work for it (like Victoria. she thinks that)

🍓 — CRINGE but it be like that sometimes… she’s descended from a looong line of vampire/witch hunters on her dad’s side - he’s from a catholic german family who was largely involved with the society of Leopold. Michael himself wasn’t overly religious (still studied theology but didn’t actually care) and left all of this behind when he moved to america & got married but after he and Jenny divorced he was like “know what… time to become a zealot again”. His ex-wife and daughters are completely unaware of that of course 😳 dunno if Helena sees him again after becoming a vampire 🙄 but yknow.

🍓 — Doesn’t have any of the “vampires are better than mortals” superiority complex that a lot of the others seem to have.. does think thin-bloods are losers though kjdkjdfnms

🍓 — Only video game she plays is the sims!! she bought ts1 when it came out for fun and got hooked.. ts2 is even better!!!!! first thing she did was make a sim that resembles her and marries a business tycoon 💅💸

🍓 — owned one (1) YSL dress she bought from her savings (which was USED)  but she couldn’t afford anything else so she just wears it with something she found at hot topic every time she goes out with her rich fake friends pre embrace. When she works for La🤡 and actually makes some money she can afford a SECOND dress babey! with shoes!!!

🍓 — She’s actually really into some standard 2004 radio pop songs but also emo songs at the same time.. except the genre didn’t have anything good in 2004 except three cheers for sweet revenge (she’s also really into evanescence, green day and blink 182 which isn’t really emo but it was still part of the experience™ nfdkjdf) - which is also her entire aesthetic summed up, emo meets theatre kid prep.. Helena: *googles “how to look like Gerard Way and Britney Spears at the same time makeup tutorial”*

ERIN

🍓 — sdjhsdh cringe but she’s always been kind of a weirdo but was pretty good at hiding it/acting normal & was part if the prep gang in her high school days (not the leader, more the kind of the replaceable third wheel), she always preferred hanging out with the weirdos though. Post-embrace everyone just thinks “lol crazy malkavian” so she’s just like 🤷‍♀️.. 

🍓 — Her sire, Ray, was suuuch a freak but she liked him because he was something.. different in her sheltered, dull life and made her feel excitement she hasn’t felt in a long time. He bails on her after embracing her bc he sired her without permission & fears execution (even though literally no one cares or even knows he sired someone) but has letters delivered to her from time to time instructing her what to do lol

🍓 — Actually enjoys the freedom vampirism gives her? She’s officially dead so she has the option to start again and be whoever she wants to be… it’s scary at first bc she has no idea what’s going on and where these voices come from but she gets used to it, also the voice of her late grandmother in her head is a comforting presence for her… I imagine she’s actually in there kinda like the heart in dishonored, afterlife isn’t her granddaughter’s mind but it’s sort of an echo of her? IDK she tinkered with magic in life so supernatural schizophrenia added that to Erin’s mind.

🍓 — She loves early 2000′s radio pop (yknow.. Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Kelly Clarkson… etc) but also classical music, stuff from the 20′s, alternative rock, the early 2000s goth music that’s playing in L.A.’s nightclubs …. she’s gonna thrive in 2006 when a fever you can’t sweat out drops!!!

🍓 — She’s part of the anarchs but mostly hangs out in hollywood or downtown (only goes to santa monica to visit the asylum (BEST nightclub ever in her onion. isolated SLAPS)

🍓 — yknow in the 2000s when people had invader zim merch from hot topic.. she owns this backpack 🤦‍♀️ it clashes with the rest of her style which is already a horrendous mix of victorian/early 20th century gothic and 2004 prep style 

VICTORIA  

🍓 — her background is still a BIG wip but she was born at some point in the late twenties/early thirties and embraced in 1954 :^) she was a bit of a workaholic and had an intense work ethic but never made it far within the company she was working for because it’s the fifties (thinking maybe it was her father’s company bc she was RICH.. there was a feud between her & a few male relatives on who’s gonna lead or something)… She was eventually noticed by a ventrue businessman who thought her ambition and no-nonsense attitude would be a great addition to the clan - She was promised a opportunity to rise within a different society without le sexism. Go white feminist queen!

🍓 — her embrace wasn’t really what she thought it would be.. drinking other’s blood REPULSES her and she has a hard time adjusting to it, plus kindred society isn’t really what she imagined - by the time she’s embraced L.A. has no camarilla presence so there’s really nothing for her to do so she moves to New York to join them there.. except she’s stuck with a shitty job and no one taking her seriously because of her age 😒 When they establish a presence in Los Angeles she’s the first to suck up to the prince & be assigned a somewhat high position (I guess adviser to the ventrue primogen and also being tight with the prince is good!!)

🍓 — She dresses very business-y BUT always designer bc she got money 😳 her wardrobe is chic but also minimalist, also with a hint of fifties design because fashion peaked then in her opinion.. mostly in dark colors, reds, browns and mostly black combined with minimal jewelry and high heels… very very elegant

🍓 — genuinely loves romcoms from the 50s and 60s (doris day & rock hudson movies b*tch!!) but also “newer” one from the 90s and 2000′s.. notting hill, pretty woman and 13 going on 30 are her favorites that she watches when she’s off duty, cozy in her downtown apartment.. but don’t tell anyone 😤

🍓 — She’s THE queen bee within the L.A. camarilla… doesn’t have any friends in her workplace but she’s respected by everyone and that’s what matters to her (it does get lonely sometimes but it be like that. She’s not gonna give up her status for shallow friendships 😒)

🍓 — loves those ugly small 90s/2000s glasses but they clash with every outfit she has so she doesn’t wear them