#started as meta - ended as ramblings lol

[extraordinarilyextreme]

on wang ye's failing health.

contains yrzx manhua/donghua spoilers!!!

during the final battle against Ma Xianhong at the end of Biyou Village arc, Wang Ye explains that the cost of manipulating time is to "burn up his own life force":

(manhua ch. 295; see also donghua s5, ep. 9)

and the backlash is immediate (see also manhua ch. 296).

then, soon thereafter, we get more and more evidence that WY's physical body might be starting to deteriorate.

in the donghua adaptation (s5, ep. 11) of manhua ch. 305, the animators added in a shot of WY's bloodied toothbrush:

and after WY's first fight against Chen Jinkui (manhua chs. 374-378), we see the beginning of his strange symptomatology.

he gets a rash, that then disappears right before the doctor's eyes when he goes to the hospital.

upon returning briefly to Wudang (manhua ch. 404), his grandmaster notices as well.

then, when CJK attacks him again (manhua chs. 411-412), WY spits blood and starts bleeding from his nose...

...which ultimately results in him passing out.

and when WY wakes up on the remote island that CJK whisked him away to (manhua ch. 413), CJK tells him that he had a doctor friend run a bunch of tests on WY. except... the results were always very bizarre. he could test positive and be diagnosed with any number of things—and then immediately be perfectly healthy when they ran the tests again.

in short, something very strange is happening to WY's body.

(we learn he passes out again while escaping the island in manhua ch. 512 as well.)

but the kicker comes in manhua ch. 541, when we see WY holding some CT scans of what seem to be his own lungs.

it's different this time. despite trying two different hospitals and doctors, the results are the same. WY's symptoms are that of lung cancer.

that, finally, brings us to the most recent chapters (ch. 675)... where many cnetz have commented that WY looks exceptionally worn-out.

i'm not sure what the conclusion of this will be, though this cnetz here has some very cool theories. undoubtedly, though, using Feng-hou Qimen is negatively affecting WY's health.

so all i can say is... i really hope WY doesn't die.

[thewalrusespublicist]

Stress Testing Song Lyric Theories: Real Love/Real Life/Stepping Out Demo Meta

What's this? Another long-ass essay analysis on a piece of John Lennon's media that keeps getting taken down by the Ono Lennon estate? More likely than you think (especially when you're this autistic).

As a history obsessive and a grizzled, mood ruining, eternal hater/skeptic, I have misgivings when people in the Beatles fandom look at song lyrics only through one specific lens/focus as it can lead to a myopic and potentially inaccurate take of the subject matter. This I've noticed is particularly bad with older Beatles fans looking at John's work through just the Yoko lens and other fans looking at it just through the Paul lens. (This ain't a lecture btw, I am as guilty as anyone when it comes to doing both.)

When dealing with contentious things like interpreting feelings and songs (nothing could POSSIBLY go wrong with that combo lol), it's important to get at least the facts we do have straight, which is why I wanted to go through some of the fandom's darlings and take them apart to see if the theories about them actually hold up to scrutiny.

To start out, I'd thought I go big with having a proper look at John Lennon's 1977 real life/real love/stepping out demo. I wanted to tackle this one as this is one of only three unconfirmed songs in John's catalogue that I was 100 % convinced was about Paul. As I've mentioned before, this was to me the smoking gun to end all smoking guns, my golden calf, Real Love demo my beloved etc. Got to say, I'm glad I did, as the outcome was a lot more complicated than expected! So let's get to the demo:

Analyzing songs for a fixed specific meaning or one coherent subject is always ... challenging. Songs are a medium to express both real or imagined concepts, feelings and events. You can't know everything about the artist's thought process and therefore their work, especially in regards to what is fictional/metaphorical and what is real (pun intended). What's special about this demo though (and what makes it easier to work with) is the fact that its less of a fully crafted song and more one long stream of consciousness ramble. The line between subject and artist is dissolved as we sit at the piano with John as he tells us about his miserable morning:

Woke up this morning. Blues around my head. Ain't no need to ask the reason why. Went to the kitchen. Lit a cigarette. Blew the smoke rings in the sky. Just got to let it go. Just got to let it go.

The song (or ramble) carries on like that for a while as we get to John reading the newspaper (keep this bit in mind, it might come in handy later):

Picked up the paper. Read the Daily News. Nothing doing anyway. Same old BS. Doot doot doot doot cruise. Nah nah nah nah now. Let go. Let it go. (laughs) No, what am I doing? Why don't you let it go? Why don't you let it go? Mm, it's real life. It's real. Yes, it's real life. It's real. Let go. Let the mighty river flow. Let go. Let go. Oh, rock your balls, you...

As we can see in the stanza above, John is bored and clearly agitated/embarrassed about something.

Then more stanzas about boredom and a lack of fulfilment wherever he goes and then we get to the stanza that everyone here is probably familiar with:

Was I just dreaming or was it only yesterday? I used to hold you in my arms. And now a baby, and another on the way (laughs) la la la la la farm (laughs) Why must we be alone? Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah. (scats)

If it don't feel right, don't do it. If it don't look right, look right through it If it don't feel right, don't do it. Just call him/them on the phone.

People go insane over this stanza and for good reason. It's a confession of lost intimacy with someone who:

Is clearly important to John

He is now more distant with

Is connected to babies or having a baby

Is connected to a farm

The mystery of course is, who is this person? Realistically, there is only really three people we know of who even somewhat fit these specific categories. Let's go through them:

First potential subject: Yoko!

This one has some legs. More than I was expecting. At this point John and her:

Do have an infant

Are purchasing a farm together (I think the sale went through 1978 so they should be talking about that in 1977.)

Distant from one another (their marriage was rocky throughout the mid-late 70s)

With Yoko as the subject, the stanza could be a reflection of their lost intimacy:

Was I just dreaming or was it only yesterday? I used to hold you in my arms. - self explanatory, the yesterday here has no significance but to signify nostalgia. The dream in this circumstance could be the dream of their relationship, The Ballad of John and Yoko.

And now a baby, and another on the way (laughs) la la la la la farm (laughs) - A long time has passed, they have a kid now. Now this takes some manipulation but is the farm 'the baby on the way'? The new shared project that will take further attention away from their marriage? The laugh might indicate a sense of irony there, a bitter joke. Yoko and John have struggled to conceive, Sean is very likely their only shared child. Is the laugh brought about by a sad reflection of the farm replacing the gap of children?

Why must we be alone? Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah. (scats) - we are in this marriage but we are alone OR why are we alone? Their marriage was a cocoon, all-consuming but stifling. Maybe both of them needed air from time-to-time.

So this stanza alone works quite well to be about Yoko, if you go quite metaphorical. It works somewhat with the beginning as well, he's down and depressed, over the state of their marriage? He needs to let something go, an argument? Is he waking up to the fact that reality isn't this marriage fantasy?

What it doesen't straightforwardly answer is why he is SO mad/embarrassed/avoidant of these feelings? In the records we have of their conversations, John is usually VERY vocal about not seeing Yoko enough. So why is he holding feelings of distance back and wanting to forget about it?

It also doesn't answer why the person he is calling in the following stanza on the phone is a him/them. (It's hard to hear at a normal volume. but if you are an insane person and blast your headphones to an ear bleeding level, it sounds a lot more like him than them. For the sake of caution and covering all bases however, let's consider both for now.) Why would he have reticence calling his wife or refer to her as them? In all accounts of that time period he has no issue calling her or hell, just going and talking to HIS WIFE who lives in their shared flat. It's a weird, dangling thread. The only explanation that would fit the stanza being inspired by Yoko is John realising he needs connection outside of his fading marriage. (I want to raise and partially dismiss here that it could just be a separate train of thought, a reminder to himself that he has to call someone for a chore/service. Yoko handled most of the admin stuff so its not like he's doing any of that and he isn't doing anything professionally so its unlikely to be a random call).

Second potential subject: May Pang!

Now I almost dismissed May outright but girl you know what, good for you, this might actually be about you! Our dear May is:

Important to John (she's also in the diaries and he dreams about sleeping with her a lot, he is REALLY into May)

Distant now he and Yoko are back together

But not baby nor farm adjacent

Taking May in mind, there is a certain logic there. John allegedly does dream about May and sleeping with May so whilst the Yesterday has no significance, the dreaming would. She was his romantic partner and still into her so holding in arms makes sense. The next lines also make sense if you follow the same logic as Yoko's but more distanced. Time has passed and his circumstances with the baby and the farm is now massively different to before, maybe he wants an escape from responsibility represented by May?

With May in mind, the stanzas work a lot better than it does Yoko. It's real life, he can't be with her and he's got to let it go. But he can't so he wants to call 'them'. Or maybe he's had a fight with Yoko and is being reminded of May in his agitation.

So May works from an emotional standpoint and as long as that last line is really 'them'. (It begs the question of why not 'her' but anyway.) As it stands, May seems like a stronger candidate than Yoko in terms of the songs emotional logic.

So currently, May is in the lead but wait ... there's another contender...

Third potential subject: Paul!

Now this one is I think the fan favourite opinion on this site for this song and there's merit to it. Paul is:

Important to John

Relationship now distant (but not apparently distant enough for John to ALLEGEDLY stop dedicating pagggess to him in his diary/meet for dinner when they are in town/visit for Christmas).

Doesen't have a baby but he is expecting one with Linda.

John's got problems and those problems are usually projected onto a Paul shaped target. But beneath all that, was there any softness left, any tenderness?

Well yes, its fucking John Lennon, the man was a giant marshmallow with knives sticking out.

But in this song? Let's look at the stanza with Paul in mind:

Was I just dreaming or was it only yesterday? I used to hold you in my arms. - in the first line we have the 'oh shit Paul feelings incoming' klaxon of yesterday. Of course, John is allowed to reference yesterday without it necessarily being about Paul, but it's something to make a note of. Another is the dreaming. John often associates the Beatles/Paul with a dream, a fantasy, an illusion. Was his time with Paul/their closeness a dream? He is also ALLEGEDLY dreaming of Paul a lot during this period. The distance implied by yesterday also suggests a time period more applicable to Paul than Yoko/May.

The holding in arms with Paul in mind is ... well. There's no two ways about it it's unusual to think about a best friend like that. Taking out romantic implications for the sake of argument, firstly it doesn't have to be literal (just the idea of closeness) and second of all it would be like the fiftieth weirdest thing John said about Paul John has expressed similar sentiments of enjoying physical touch and closeness with a close mate.

And now a baby, and another on the way (laughs) la la la la la farm (laughs) - also needs manipulation here but still works. John's got a baby with his wife now Paul has a baby on the way with his wife yet their lives are completely separate. John could also be talking in extremes, Paul has just had a kid now another (he exaggerates the number of kids Paul has often). Paul lives on a farm, which John has been very focused on before (stttreeetch but maybe this is a point of comparison, they are still mirroring each other). The laugh here in this reading is a acknowledgement of vulnerability of the feelings he's singing about.

Why must we be alone? Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah. (scats) - harder to reconcile with Paul but could be John's projection hours, I am feeling alone therefore Paul must ALSO be feeling alone (unagi or some shit).

So the stanza also works well if we take it to be about Paul. I've said this in a prev post but being about Paul also makes the rest of the song more coherent. John is upset about something he is trying to let go of but is struggling with, he references being everywhere yet remains depressed and troubled by something in his past. All of this fits with John's relationship with Paul. With Paul in mind, the call line at the end makes a lot more sense. He wants to call him, or them, his friends who he hasn't spoken to and misses.

The big supporting evidence for this one is of course the newspaper articles for the Daily News found by a user on here who has sadly deactivated.

To be honest, these are a bit of a holy grail find. With the newspaper articles in mind, a coherent, nearly perfect narrative falls neatly into place. John has woken up in a bad mood and upon reading the paper he sinks into a worse mood as he reflects back on his old time with the Beatles. He feels the need to let it go yet is resentful and embarrassed about doing so. The articles also explain a few oddities of the song, namely why John just comes out with the word cruise just after discussing the paper:

Picked up the paper. Read the Daily News. Nothing doing anyway. Same old BS. Doot doot doot doot cruise. Nah nah nah nah now. Let go. Let it go. (laughs) No, what am I doing? Why don't you let it go? Why don't you let it go? Mm, it's real life.

If we consider that the newspaper contained the article about cruises, it makes sense for it to come out as a subconscious/conscious association (have checked btw as the audio isn't clear and it's absolutely cruise, it's much clearer when you decide your hearing is worth less than a parasocial fascination with a dead dude). The newspaper containing info about Paul also illuminates the potential reference to Paul's song 'Suicide' in the Nothing Doing line and why the stanza seems to go off the rails once the newspaper is mentioned. It's all BS apparently (classic John defense mechanism in play) but once it gets brought up, John laughs, starts questioning what he's even doing writing this song and then gets angry with himself, cutting off the first half of the take. The derailment there could be he can't believe he's singing about the news OR that the newspaper contains the emotional point he's trying to get away from. He then does a few pithy lines about the beach and mountain before circling to actually what's bothering him, the lost intimacy with the person who has a baby on the way and renewed desire to call him. The way it all fits and slots together is borderline unreal.

Buuuuttt ... there's a problem. No matter how fitting, how magically perfect, how right-seeming a theory is, it doesen't necessarily mean it's true. For it to work fully, John would have had to have recorded this on one (or two at a stretch) specific day(s) out of the whole year. It could still be about Paul of course if you take out the newspaper article element, however there are other timing issues as well. According to Dogget, this demo should date to a recording collection from late 1977 when John was going through a depressive episode, the article is dated to early 1977. Shortening the window further, the Ono-Lennon's took a trip to Japan from Summer to October and the Mccartney's third child was born in September, meaning that if it is from late 1977, its unlikely to be about Paul.

Now Dogget could very well be mistaken and this demo is from earlier on in the year. From research, the only thing I could find about John and Yoko in February 1977 is them going to visit a friend a few hours away on the 16th, so from the limited evidence I have at my disposal, there isnt a reason why it couldn't have been produced in February (if anyone has any info on early 1977 please let me know and I'll amend accordingly). Additionally, John's moods were mercurial and his mental health never great, it wouldn't surprise me if he had bad days pretty consistently throughout the year.

To wrap this whole ass dissertation up, from the context within the song, context of the major players in his life, the emotional logic of the song and the repeated references in addition to the newspaper clipping, I am 70% confident that this demo is about Paul and that Dogget was incorrect in his attribution of the demo to late 1977. I believe instead that this was recorded in early 1977, specifically on February 9th 1977 as indicated in the newspaper article. However, I am more than willing to concede that I am working on less information than I would like about John's movements at that time in early 1977 and why Dogget placed all of these in the late 1977 grouping (I think just vibes but wasn't sure, the google books page had that bit blocked lol). Therefore I think that a less likely but still plausible second option is that the subject is May or even Yoko in late 1977 during John's extended period of depression.

Power to all of you who made it this far, let me know if you want me to take a hatchet to any more fandom darlings or if you have any thing to add! Also remember this is only my analysis so feel free to disagree (but like in a fun friendly way pls, it isn't that serious)!

[persephoneprice]

maybe this is silly but — do you have any thoughts on lucy grays specifically appalachian identity? I often think abt how the films erased the cultural / geographical specificities of district 12 even though it’s literally so so important to the books (it’s mentioned on page 2 of the hunger games) and idk I think it’s very interesting/ kinda funny and iconic that in response to that erasure suzanne collins literally made a character whose cultural identity cannot be erased without significantly altering her narrative function. On a meta textual level it’s also an interesting echo to the Capitol erasing lucy gray and then her being restored by the author - kinda? Idk I’m a huge appalachian folk nerd (it’s why I read tbosas lol) so I. Think abt it a lot

omg no this is not silly at all and i am so excited that someone wants to talk about Appalachian culture in the hunger games!! usually i feel like i’m just yelling my appalachian nonsense into the void. ps i love that you’re an appalachian folk nerd- are you also appalachian??

also let me apologize in advance- i started a new anxiety medicine and have felt awful and have had a lot of brain fog so it’s very possible that none of this makes sense or is even what you’re asking.

i ended up rambling a lot so i will put my actual answer under the cut:

the erasure of all the really appalachian things- especially the accents- in the trilogy will always devastate me. which i why i will go to my death defending rachel zegler against anyone who criticizes her accent in tbosas.

i love lucy gray and the covey because you absolutely can see so much appalachian and bluegrass influence in them and their lives- but the book makes it clear that they aren’t really district 12, therefore, not really appalachian.

i think in a lot of ways lucy gray really embodies an appalachian girl. she’s fun and strong and willing to do whatever it takes to survive. she’s not afraid of the woods or the creatures in it- she makes friends with the snakes. she loves music (my girl needs a banjo i will die on that hill) and brings that to her people. their performances are one of the few times that people in 12 really get to be carefree and have fun and it brings everyone together. music is such an important thing in appalachian culture and is something that always brings people together.

she as a double name and it’s important to address her using both- which is also a fairly common thing in appalachian culture, it’s rude to only refer to them by one of the names. (which is why if someone only calls her lucy i do not take their opinion on her character seriously at all.)

you can also see it in the way the covey are a family without all being really related and the way the older members take care of the younger ones. in the way they spend time at the lake fishing and swimming and collecting food from around the area to eat. in the clothes they wear. in their music (nothing you can take from me boot stomping version my beloved).

but i think the distraction that they aren’t really from district 12 and not really appalachian is important. you can see that in the way lucy gray describes the covey as outsiders in district 12. i think this is another way that you really see the influence of appalachian culture in district 12. it doesn’t matter how many similar traits that they have or how long they have lived there- they’re still outsiders to the people who have lived there their whole lives. they still aren’t fully trusted by the wider community because they’re different and not from around here.

i’ll stop rambling now because i think my brain fog is causing this to not make any sense but anyway thank you so much for sending this!!! i love talking about this!!! i would love to hear your thoughts as well

[vacantgodling]

some meta shit about timeline and gender

started poking this idea yesterday when i was explaining this to my partner but ph’s cultural concept of gender is broken into 4 (technically there is a secret fifth one) parts: higher feminine, higher masculine, lower feminine, lower masculine, and then god*

god* is the secret fifth gender because in their society does not refer to “god” as a single entity, or a triumvirate like Galeré’s Shepherd/Savior/Judge. to the Kajengans/Kajegans (i can’t decide which i prefer), being the birthplace of what we call magic in this world (and the origin point of witches in Alizath), their concept of nature and magic and the alive “universal energy” around them is “god”. “god” to them is a force, and cannot be gendered. to be degendered in their society is to claim that you Are this universal force—and that’s just. not a thing lol.

this isn’t to say that people don’t have complex gender identities—no. it’s just similar to societies such as ours that have extremely gendered languages and cultures; you exist anyway and find your own workarounds. i should also mention that, chronologically, Smite’s story takes place hundreds, if not thousands (guess who hasn’t decided) of years before Paramour+The Fall of Galeré series as a whole to account for Galeré’s technological advancement lol.

n e w a y tho—higher feminine (kori) and higher masculine (iri) refer to several things.

the blood of the person in question: ie, is it “royal” or “common”. royal blood, unsurprisingly is found in the leaders of any tribe or clan, as well as any of the more well off and nobility. (though they’d use different terms and it’s not necessarily in the way we think of royalty given this is a nomadic/steppe adjacent culture but i haven’t gotten into the weeds of that yet)

the “attunement” to god*. or basically; higher feminine and higher masculine people have a slight affinity for magic—not as developed as later cultures (ie: Alizath’s witches for instance)

and then a third thing i haven’t thought of yet that is more around their determination of gender bc i don’t really want it to be associated with the biology of the situation but i have yet to decide or figure out other determining factors.

and lower feminine (suffix -ko)/lower masculine (suffix -i) are just pretty much not the first two, but all determined by the third thing i haven’t decided yet.

i do know on his journey to save song, as smite is more exposed to both being alone and away from his clan/tribe and begins to experiment and understand his own gender, that he is Also going to run into others: other clans sure, but also, those who live as outcasts in their society. haven’t decided on who he/they are yet specifically but ik smite is going to meet someone i’m currently placeholder naming “bird” but he’s interesting because in a traditional name bird+(gendered suffix) is how you’d name someone; as it’s seen as an affront to god* to not gender yourself p much. however, he/they obviously don’t view things like that and live on their own in the wilds bc of this and other reasons 🤷🏽‍♂️

also ALSO last thing, the northern band that still is from is much looser with their idea of gender Because the north is where “magic” is thought to have originated from and they have a higher attunement to god* (aka ability to actually Use magic versus being attuned to it) so the concept of lacking gender/nb/third gender originates from the northern band and spreads south eventually into regions like galeré and alizath :)

finally finally the end of this ramble is ig this giant northernmost steppe has a name kinda which is whenever i decide if this place is called kajenga or kajega 🤷🏽‍♂️🤷🏽‍♂️

[becauseplot]

90 Seconds to Midnight: An Ordem Paranormal AU Masterpost

Figured I should make one of these so I can keep track of my own posts lmao. Will be edited with new entries as they come but don't expect toooooo much content. Spoilers through OSNF finale and OPD 6. Asks are always open for the AU!

90 Seconds to Midnight is an AU where Thiago survives Santo Berço, but he doesn't quite escape the Symbol. After all, anything that is touched by Death cannot ever go back to the way it was. (Liz+Thiago-centric.)

FICS

Still Feel (Original fic where I made up the basic premise of how Thiago survives Santo Berço. This was written BEFORE I decided to make the AU angsty lol. You can definitely read this as standalone and pretend the rest of the AU's storyline doesn't exist.)

Inktordem Day 9 --- Morte (One-off I wrote for Inktordem. Towards the end of the AU's storyline. One of my reblogs on this post has extra meta info about it, but the explanation contains spoilers for OPD 19, so be warned!)

TUMBLR POSTS

Post 1 (Self-indulgent rambles and Liz and Thiago's living situation. Secret-third-thing Liz+Thiago my beloved.)

Post 2 (First explanation of how Thiago's situation starts to take a turn for the worse.)

Post 3 (How Thiago initially tries to cope with the nightmares.)

Post 4 (Toying with ideas concerning Thiago and Liz's entwined decent.)

Post 5 (Random thing I tagged for this AU that I think is still relevant enough to be worth mentioning.)

Post 6 (Ending of the AU's storyline.)

Post 7 (Epilogue!)

OTHER STUFF

HEY LOOK AT THAT I MADE A SPOTIFY PLAYLIST :D

[quaranmine]

I know I already commented this on AO3 but I literally cant stop thinking about this fic and I so want to talk someone's ears off irl. Cuz holy fuck. I just absolutely the characterization in the story. The voice and expression of Grian is just so palpable and well-written. You sympathize for the guy even as he digs himself deeper into the abyss. Like, I know from the beginning, from playing Firewatch, that there is no conspiracy, just circumstances. But you understand where Grian is coming from, you hope that he is in some ways right, that Mumbo is still out there (doesnt help that Im a mumbo main lol). At some point, part of you just believe the conspiracy along with him even as everyone else, including the back of your own mind, tells you otherwise. And the other part wants to grab Grian from the other side of the screen and shake him til he realizes. That fucking dread of in some way knowing the ending just created that underlying layer of tension when reading. And, as someone else has pointed out, Grian's agency in his search for Mumbo being like denied somewhat fits in so well and just hits home that, nothing is really in his control, that its all just an accident. Its that gut-renching punch and realization that is stuck in my head after reading chapter 11. And im glad that chapter 12 presents some closure and breathing room. Its not the ending, but its an ending and a start. The melancholy of the last chapter, of Grian's acceptance and him finally meeting Scar. All of it is just, GOD. Anyways, excuse my ramblings, I love this fic and its genuinely one of the best Ive read. You did an amazing job.

THANK YOU!!!! I love this review of my work so much, as well as your AO3 review :)

I like that you bring out that having played Firewatch clued you in on the lack of conspiracy. I know the game's ending is controversial, but I actually like it a lot. I love the way the game makes you paranoid and how the remoteness of the setting reinforces that. I love how it's just a story about broken people running from their problems. Whenever I think about the game, I think about this Medium article I read (massive game spoilers.)

And so with this story, I didn't want to do the same thing as the game's plot, but I wanted to harness some of the same themes and explore them in my own way. I think the fic works well alongside the game because it sort of complements it, neither requiring prior game knowledge to read nor spoiling the game--but having game knowledge makes it even better.

I worked backwards knowing I was going to have an obvious ending. It's obvious because it's the most realistic option. But there is also an interesting extra level of writer-reader meta to play with, which is that nearly everyone is primed to sympathize with and believe the pov character. Everyone is also generally primed to expect better ending, or to expect that impossible will somehow happen because it's a fiction story. So I knew that readers would start off with a similar hope to Grian. And I knew that as the story went on further and further, I could direct readers toward the real conclusion. At some point, the very length of the fic itself and number of chapters left with make readers realize they're running out of time for things to happen. At some point, the reader is going have an objective picture of events and realize how irrational some of Grian's actions are.

I'm glad it worked to create a lot of tension! I also think the way a lot of other characters interact with Grian creates tension, because most of them are sort of "scared" to be direct with him since they know it'll upset him. And the way every one of Grian's actions keep adding and adding until the potential consequences grow greater and greater continue to add to the out-of-control feeling of this story. My goal for his character was always to keep pushing him to see where it led. It was a sad story to write, but it's a fun one to analyze for me.

I'm glad you liked chapter 12. I wanted it to try and resolve some of the things that needed to be said still, and provide a little bit of rest from the last three major action-filled chapters. The story is really 11 chapters of getting Grian to the first step in healing, and chapter 12 is that first step. It isn't the last one. Just the first.

Also my condolences for being a Mumbo main, I really need to get my blorbo rights revoked. I've been privately joking for the past year about fridging the poor man 😭mumbo ily i promise

[cosmos-dot-semicolon]

(⭐fanfic writers' commentary)

@plutosoda hi

Ooh, time to reread my old writing, huh? Always a fun trip, especially given I'd totally forgotten like half of it including that repetition trick you'd mentioned…

fair warning, i only got like 3 asks for this thing so I'm gonna commentate on pretty much the entire fic here. This post never ends.

Here's an entire director's commentary on All-Nighter! Enjoy!

"The covers were warm… But at least it'd get something done before passing out again."

I'm still fond of this intro. I'm terrible with being succinct, but this is somewhere where my rambling writing style really works; this section is written from experience of many a 'stayed up too anxious now you can't sleep' nights, and someone who has read a lot of the techniques to fix that problem, then didn't (ADHD lol). That is in fact what my internal monologue tends to be like at night - a mix between recalling every single way you've ever learnt to pass out, worrying about what happens tomorrow, 'why is life like that. what did i do,' and just a pinch of 3am self loathing.

I never really thought of it until an AO3 commenter pointed it out, but it was a fairly natural way of worldbuilding/expositing/characterisation all in one go. Establish the premise of the fic, Robot only bothering to process things when it's on the brink of exhaustion, the way it's kinda obsessed with productivity and efficiency and self-improvement.

I'm proud of it!

Also I like to think Lady Luck only does the weird scheduling thing for Robot. She'd be the type of person to try and make the Dungeons a personalised hell for everybody.

“Hey, could I get a coffee, do you think? …I’ve been sleeping so badly down here.”

I'm quite happy with the intro to the next bit too. My goal going into most fanworks (still) is to emulate what drew me to the original story. In this case, that's Dicey's tone and dialogue, with a bit more direct focus on the characterisation of everyone. So this is sort of a meta plot device that signals all that to the reader. I love how efficient that is. also I just like throwbacks and references okay

"The canteen was a dense jumble of kichen counters…"

I could've been a little faster with this scene and Robot subsequently making the coffee. One of my weaknesses as a writer is that I hallucinate some of the scenes in my head, and try to write down everything in that instead of just drawing a comic (cough that one unpublished Ninjago fic). I'm a sucker for describing scenery for days on end.

That said, I'm really glad I got the vibe of 'light-blue-grey' morning over to you in your fanart. It was exactly what I was imagining as I was writing this.

"Pre-ground. …But this was just evil."

I think I'm funny. Anxiety cube can put up with a lot, but terrible coffee isn't it.

"They taste horrible compared to freshly ground beans. It’s not worth the convenience."

haha. because you see. that's its heart's desire *gets turned into a dice*

"Pouring a generous portion for its new friend, Robot masked its complaints with a long sigh." "…But thanks to the innovations of modern day life-” An overhead swig downed half the mug."

A commenter pointed out that some of my lines have really good flow in them between actions and characterisation. I didn't notice that until then, but I'm inclined to agree. Some of these drive in the point really well.

"At least its fellow patron was enjoying themselves – not even flinching at the concoction and savouring the coffee raw. It was tempted to start a commentary on how dark roasts were overrated, but soon became a little more concerned about them drinking through the 100 centigrade burns. This place had quite the collection of creatures, it seemed."

I like to think Robot's a little snobby about the things it enjoys. I like to think Lady Luck tries to throw people off as much as possible.

"So, how’s the self-improvement going?" they started. "I only want top quality minions in my dungeons."

Very fun fact is that I was worried about spoiling the twist in this fic because of this line being so blatant, but I wanted to put it in anyway because it's a good character-establishing moment, and a good… re-interpretation of the line in another context? I love recontextualising canon in a slightly different way that still works for the characters in question. it's so fun

Anyways. Turns out I didn't need to worry about that because at least one reader totally missed this too so got hit with the full twist anyways. Isn't writing great?

"So, what’s keeping you up this late?” they asked. “Nightmares? A looming sense of regret and existential dread? Unfinished essays due tomorrow morning?"

essays due tomorrow morning. haha so true. i'm glad I don't take much coursework nowadays.

"You know, as useless as it looks, sleep’s rather important for you folks. It’s how you deal with all the terrible things that happen during the day, since your brain can just wipe the slate clean and try again. But funnily enough, it’s always the first thing that’s left behind whenever someone wants to better themself." "Life’s painful enough as it is. Why not change things up if your current routines aren’t working?" "Nobody ever plays the cards they’re dealt perfectly, dear… Time always slips you by when you’re not paying attention. And nobody ever knows what’s coming next. You’ve just got to learn when to raise and fold them." "Well, part of being human is never being a hundred-and-one percent efficient. If you folks still count yourself as that. I’d apologise but I remember you were quite nonchalant about your little transformation anyways."

One of the main points of this fic was that while Lady Luck is blatantly on the offensive and absolutely insulting Robot to its core, she's not technically… wrong?

It's not bad advice. Lady Luck, in-game, seems very perceptive of the various insecurities mortals go through. And I like to think she does start this conversation just for genuine fun, to pick someone apart. See if they bounce back against it or just crumble. It's just a bonus that the recipient finds it harder to refute her offers afterwards.

"It might!" it snapped back, getting them to at least try and contain their mockery under a silent, wavering smirk. "You know what? I think it will be, I can feel it!"

Robot sort of does both. It's definitely very very anxious. But it's stubborn. I really like that about its character: how there's a contrast between its organised and disorganised sides? How robots are usually associated with hard numbers and calculations, but Robot's mechanic is blackjack. also it's SO autism/adhd coded. listen. in this

I don't know if there's a trope to call either of these, but they're my favourite things about both characters, and they're surprisingly introspective for a game so short on story. (I will write more about that in another post. lol).

It's a bit indulgent in how long it goes on in some areas, but eh. It works for the fic's pacing.

"The figure leaned forward to highlight its obvious obliviousness…" "I thought you were supposed to be the overly organisational optimist."

I love alliteration. yippee!

"A gentle chuckle filled the air, restrained from its usual projecting echo. "You wound me, Robot. Games are always more fun when your players at least get the chance to try and fight back."

I like to think Lady Luck's main motivation is entertainment. Which mostly involves watching people suffer. But I think it's in the spirit of luck to have it so that someone's downfall was their choice. Determinism versus free will and whatever.

The chance that somebody could escape makes things spicier. And makes it sting all the more for all those that didn't. Hooray!!

Also given Lady Luck's usual loud persona, I planned (plan) on giving her quite a few more subtle but equally threatening moments in this series. It's a thing that wouldn't really work well in the actual game, but it does in a slower medium like writing, and I fucking love that trope.

"Statistically unlikely, but I’ll humour it," she commented to an invisible aside."

You should picture this scene as her directly staring at you through the fourth wall. Like in a sitcom.

"But it’s not so bad, being a minion… I’ve heard that’s about as stable as a job as you can get these days." "…though surprisingly she was not the worst boss it had had to deal with."

I always thought this line, used on Thief in-game, would've been an absolute killer on Robot. The job market is pretty fucking shit these days under capitalism and you would be lying if you said there aren't at least some parts of the Dungeons that seem better work-wise. Inclusivity, stable employment, accommodation.

Yeah, you have no freedom, but that's also the goal of capitalism up here as well. At least in Dicey it's ridculous and ironic. And you'd get to use your degree in maths/statistics/acounting etc to its full extent! Can you fucking imagine the paperwork for a game-show/dungeon hybrid business.

"But then again, I think you’re plenty used to the grind."

I believe this was an unintentional-turned-intentional coffee pun. Boooooo

"Funny how they think that’ll discourage anybody. …Folks hear that the house always wins and immediately think they’ll be the exception."

She would be the one to know that. This was intended as a followup to Robot's entire argument before. I'm very happy that at least one person picked up on that :D

"So whatever you pick, it'll be a decision from Robot alone, no matter what your mind or body drags you into afterward.”

I believe this was also supposed to be a callback, but the wording got changed slightly. I think it was the "It feels like my mind and body won’t stop working against me" bit.

"Normally, Robot would’ve stayed to socialise and make new friends, and in all likelihood, skipping breakfast would leave it starving later on in the day. But right now, it needed some time to itself: to think and recover and remember where it was going with this."

This was another callback (that actually made it into the story). Robot immediately making another bad decision after the first, with the exact same words echoing it coming.

"Just another day in the dungeons. It could handle this."

I wanted the ending to be very short and open-ended, in that it was up to you to interpret whether Robot took the offer or not, and when. But regardless I wanted it to be like a regular intro to an episode, but with the hint something definitely fucking changed that the audience can only speculate on.

…oof. 80 minutes on this essay. My poor neck. I think that's it for now, though.

Overall I'm really happy with this piece - hence why it's one of the few things I actually put online. It's three years old, and I could've fixed the flow in some bits (there's one part where I think Robot answers a different question than was asked).

But I achieved pretty much everything I wanted to say in this piece of fanwork, it pushed me to think about characterisation a lot and my writing and editing techniques. There's a lot of neat little things I put into it, and it really got me to grips with what I liked about my inspiration in the first place.

I think that's an exercise worth trying for every fan-work creator. Stretches you brain. Almost lets you re-experience what you loved about a thing years later. Points you towards your possible future diagnoses. It's a fun time!

[32bitterra]

Kirby & The Amazing Mirror turns 20 today. I drew a little something to commemorate it.

Sentimental old person rambling under the cut.

Amazing Mirror is my favorite video game, and it is one of my earliest video game memories. I played it before my sister was born, and before I could even READ. I distinctly remember calling it "Rock Hat Game" (referring to the stone ability) before my mother corrected me. For those unaware, the unique thing about this Kirby game is that the game lets you explore the Mirror World and beat the bosses in whichever order you want. This game was full of mystery to me as a child. This was before I had internet so I couldn't just look anything up. I was always wondering what I would find next. I spent HOURS trying to find rooms I hadn't been in yet, believing they held the most incredible secrets (a child's imagination is very powerful.) I believe I got my first glimpses of the final boss when I was around five or six years old. I remember Dark Meta Knight frightened me because of how fast he moved, but I loved the music that played when you fought him, so I'd leave the game paused just to hear it (too frightened to unpause it or else Dark Meta Knight would whoop my ass lol. Does anyone else remember holding the GBA speaker up to your ear to hear the music? I remember listening to the Candy Constellation theme like this.) Something this game is infamous for are the NUMEROUS times you have to beat the final boss, Dark Mind. I managed to get to his second-to-last phase, the giant eye, when I was six or seven or so. If I had to beat his first form four times, I wondered just how far it would go. I distinctly remember having a dream that some sort of mouse boss emerged from the eye (funnily enough, I got Squeak Squad for Christmas when I was nine.) I beat Amazing Mirror when I was eight years old. It was a Friday afternoon, and I was so excited to finally beat the game that my legs went numb lol. Fast forward a little to when I was twelve or so, I started trying to get 100% completion. This involves entering every room and getting every treasure. I know this game like the back of my hand now. When I was thirteen, I wanted to see how quickly I could beat it after watching speedruns. I can beat it 100% pretty quickly now. It's a game I like to play for my friends because I can beat it quickly and without dying.

The drawing above hardly begins to fully encapsulate how much I love the game, and I struggled trying to think of a drawing that could truly show my appreciation. In the end, I went for something rather simple. Emerald is my favorite spray paint color, but if you asked younger-me, I would have answered "Ocean." I was totally obsessed with finding all the spray paint colors, and I remember turning the game off and on to switch the colors to see how they'd look with the UFO ability. If anyone has read this far, tell me what your favorite spray paint color in Amazing Mirror is in the tags if you'd like! Also, the level backgrounds are absolutely beautiful in this game. They look like paintings, and I wonder if any high quality, non-GBA-compressed versions exist. The light blue Peppermint Palace background is my favorite (it's also my header.) Let me know what your favorite level and/or level background is as well. I'm gonna wrap this up because I've went on for too long blurting my guts out over a GBA game. I still feel like I've barely scratched the surface about all I love about this game. I will not be making this kind of long-winded rambling a habit though lol.

[xoxoemynn]

hey marianne tell us about the wip you're most excited about in as much detail as you want

HOO BOY WOULD I LOVE TO. And I have yet to consolidate this into an elevator pitch so it'll definitely be long. It started off as an Old Hollywood/Broadway AU and now has spiraled into what I'd say most simply is a dimension travel AU that's also a bit of a meta commentary on OFMD's cancellation.

I'll put it under a cut because this DID actually get annoyingly long.

OKAY SO. We have 1990s Ed. He's a legendary Broadway performer known mostly as a dancer but he's been getting a bit sick of it, but also doesn't know what he'd want to do next since he's still relatively young. He keeps putting it off until he injures his knee in a show and can no longer dance, and now he's forced to actually figure out what he's going to do next.

While he's depressed and recovering, he passes the time watching old black and white musicals. He discovers the dance team of Stede Bonnet and Mary Allamby (loosely inspired by Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, who were baby's first hyperfixation as a pre-teen, making this a VERY exciting project for me personally) and is immediately in awe of Stede, although surprised he's never heard of him before.

Through some hand-waving, Ed eventually realizes he's able to talk to Stede through the TV, and then later that he's actually able to enter the TV itself and exist in Stede's world. Except it's not just the 1930s. Stede's literally been living in a kind of grayscale purgatory that looks like his film sets. He has no concept of the passage of time, or even exactly what happened that caused him to be stuck there, and he's the only real person existing there, until Ed shows up.

Naturally they quickly fall in love, but they have a bit of a star-crossed lovers thing going on because they can't FULLY be together, and they also have different wants in life. For Ed, he LOVES being in this black and white world. He's in love with Stede, his knee doesn't bother him there, he gets to explore these really cool art deco film sets, he doesn't have to think about what he's going to do with his life. He gets to just be happy. For him, being in a black and white world cut off from everyone else but Stede is a small and worthy sacrifice for all that.

But Stede's been trapped there for 60 years with no sign of escape, and he misses being in the real world. He loves having Ed there and loves Ed, but he also wonders what else is out there. He misses being out in the real world and seeing everything in color and experiencing life off a Hollywood film set that was specifically designed to be entirely escapist for filmgoers looking to get away from their problems during the Great Depression.

So the bulk of the story is about Ed and Stede navigating their relationship and how they can really be together, as well as uncovering what happened to Stede in the first place that caused him to be trapped. It's got big themes of authenticity, acceptance, the temptation of avoidance, and being comfortable in the unknown. Influences that have wormed their way in include The Giver, Pleasantville, The Red Shoes, Barbie (lol), The Haunting of Hill House, Zaslav being a fuckhead, and an experimental art film called The Afterlight. It's taken me a LONG time to plan it because the world-building was really complex and there were a ton of little nuances to sort out, but I'm finally in a good place to really start writing it. I'm very excited because there are at least two REALLY sad scenes in it that I am 😈 about. But DEFINITELY a happy ending with a huge thread of hope running throughout, and is ultimately about creating a life for yourself where you can be your most authentic self, as terrifying as that may be.

THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME AN EXCUSE TO RAMBLE I LOVE YOU. 💕

[blackjackkent]

@thedarkstrategist replied to your post “Rakha, being the genius at extrapolation that she...”:

Im interested to see what you mean about rahkas core arc given your tags 👀

​All right, all right, you talked me into rambling about it. (Clearly really had to twist my arm. XD )

Rakha meta/rambling/pontificating under the cut. (Basically just thinking out loud about her recent decisions lol.)

I've already spoken a bit about how I've gotten fascinated, over time, by the fact that Rakha is kind of semi-addicted to the guardian's presence (and to anything that turns off the battle in her brain for a while). And that I realized that this would probably mean she would choose to trust the Emperor much more readily than Hector did, up to and including consuming the Astral Tadpole, despite signs to the contrary.

And we've talked a little bit as well about how the experience of the Dark Urge operates, in one interpretation, as a metaphor for the experience of living with obsessive-compulsive disorder and the internal struggle that goes along with that.

As a result, I'm starting to see her interaction with the guardian/Emperor as basically a really unhealthy coping mechanism, where yeah it makes you feel better, but it's kind of its own sort of compulsion and dependence and doesn't really solve the underlying problems. I have a ton of my own share of experiences with this sort of thing.

And so I think ultimately I'm starting to see Rakha's story as being the process of not only struggling with the Urge itself but also struggling with the ways she handles it and actually finding a sense of herself and her own strength rather than depending on the external "quick fixes" of the guardian/Emperor, or the Astral Tadpole, or tbh even sometimes Wyll.

Obviously there's a lot of the game left and maybe things will veer off this path. But that's sort of how I'm thinking about it right now.

Hard to say what this is going to end up meaning for the end of the game. At this point I'm making no assumptions.

Sadly I can't just tell Rakha to go to therapy, which I can also say, speaking from experience, helps a LOT more than eating an alien brainworm. :P

[aihoshiino]

quick heads up for canon typical discussions of sex & underage sex specifically in this post

not necessarily a meta so much as a general ramble (<- shout out to the me of 1 Hour Ago who started typing an Ai post sincerely believing this would be true), but an aspect of Ai's character I'm always really sort of fascinated and saddened by that the text (understandably) doesn't as much go into is her fucked up relationship with her own sexuality. the consistency with which she refers to herself as 'dirty' specifically sticks out to me a huge amount and it reads so strongly to me as Ai perceiving herself as being dirty/impure or somehow Bad for being like... an person with healthy sexual desires and a sex drive.

there's a lot of subtext-adjacent stuff to suggest the twins' dad wasn't her first sexual partner and i do think that's the interpretation that both interests me the most and makes the most sense to me - I don't imagine a girl who wasn't taught what a door chain was for was given the best sex education - to imagine Ai, lonely and unsure of how to connect with people, stumbling into intimacy too quick as a stopgap or a shortcut to the thing she really wanted; warmth, affection, love.

is this necessarily Good Or Healthy? no, but it's also not the shameful, dirty thing that the idol culture's obsession with purity has led her to believe. it's just another way the environment she's in has forced this impression on her that her normal, achingly human problems are things she has to cover up and hide like dark secrets.

i also don't think the ways she was subjected to constant objectification and misogyny as she grew up can be discounted as influences here, either. B-Komachi is specifically identified in Viewpoint B as "[...]a group focused on romance above all else", "[...]promoting that sort of intense romantic fixation...". Specifically, the word gachikoi is used in Japanese, which is used to describe fans with intense and explicitly romantic fixations with the object of their fandom.

Ai was twelve years old when B-Komachi debuted and was being sold to and evaluated as an object of romantic (and implicitly, sexual) desire by adult men old enough to be her fucking father. At the same time, it was drilled into her that she was expected to be eternally pure, eternally available, eternally loving, eternally virginial and to never betray those fans. Is it any wonder that she ended up with such a completely fucked up relationship to her own body and sexual desires that she was apologizing for them with her dying breaths to a man who had just murdered her for having them?

i don't really have a closing argument for this post honestly lol just. whoof! ai really is so endlessly sad and fascinating to me. every time i rotate her a bit i find some new facet to her character that i can spend hours turning over in my head.

[curiouselleth]

Tell me more about the Raistlin is Eru fic 👀

Hi @echo-bleu!

I did a little rambling here, and I have the whole idea typed up here if you're up for reading a longer much more detailed version. The longer version has some quotes and more in-depth comparisons and such! This is also based off the ending of the Last Trial musical rather than the legends trilogy, I haven't finished it yet lol

Basically, Raistlin gets a second chance after becoming a god and destroying the world to create a new world, and creates the ainur, maiar, and so on the world of Arda is created as in the Silmarillion, but he's Eru. I got this idea when I started to see parallels between Eru's actions and Raistlins.

Raistlin!Eru's refusal to be too involved, or involved really at all in his world after it's created. His lack of action against Melkor after he entered Ea - darkness and light needed balance in his previous world. He didn't want his world to have the hurt that his last world did, but it happened so he did not act so that there could be some semblance of balance.

Then Numenor. He sees men reaching for immortality in Valinor, the land of the gods. How long until they come to want the power that the valar have, and try to become gods themselves? He reacts. He stops them, so that it is certain they can not continue... perhaps how he wished to be stopped before destroying his first world.

The fic would be about before he made the Ainur, about that process of him being there alone in the abyss and coming to accept the second chance, up to the creation of the ainur or Arda - or perhaps a little later after the music. Then some one-shots of him seeing the war in beleriand, the war of wrath, Numenor... it's still very in the concept rotating it fast as a centrifuge phase unfortunately but I will write it at some point lol

Thanks so much for the ask! If you want to find out more or see more of the details and meta the other two asks, especially the longer one, are really detailed and go into it more!

[ad-hawkeye]

Hello!! I need some help! I'm (attempting) to write about Alkaid as a character and since I intend to have sources, that means I need screenshots and.. sometimes I miss important ones! Especially since I started Lovebrush at the end of the Hunting Event and am missing a lot of cards. For modern Alkaid, I recall you mentioning his perfectionism a lot. That's something I want to talk about. I have a phone call of his saved, but do you have more? Thanks!! And cheers :-)

oh my god okay, okay, okay HELLO HI. I GOT YOU. sorry for the late reply!!! i've been compiling screenshots and WOW it took me a while only to compile a few notable moments. i hope this helps!!?! please feel free to ask me any questions i LOOOVE RAMBLING. also please link me this meta when you're done <3 i love meta.

to start off - is this the phone call you're talking about?

if so, this is a good one. it also notes that alkaid is striving for "perfection" which. lol. okay alkaid.

then there's his base game SR card story stargazer in the "facade" category. the ending is the most notable part here.

and then of course we have princess day. this is one of the biggies, i think. having someone just perceive him from an outsiders perspective is very. illuminating, lmfao.

this trend of alkaid practicing something for hours just to get good at it pops up a couple times. i remember him "studying" the theme park map even though mc was the one to invite him. which. oh my god how did you make hanging out a homework assignment.

here's another misc example where you see him slip briefly and go "oh shit".. the valentines event. his perfectionism plays a heavy part in how he keeps his walls up around mc and attempts to be "perfect" for her which. won't be able to keep that up forever bud.

this is especially notable in the nightingale epilogue where he's afraid of upsetting mc....... even when he thinks he's in a dream.

i know there's more, i'm just. blanking so hard. i also know from my vague knowledge of the cn server that this def gets addressed in the future and that it's something that alkaid consistently struggles with. he's just like me fr <3

[amtrak12]

Hey hi! I read your Helena Wells meta earlier, from ten years ago, and I found it so interesting and spot on, and at the end you were so sad that you felt like you didn't have a good grasp on the character - do you feel that has changed, since then? And if so, how? Or, what do you think of Helena these days?

(the meta you posted and linked here: https://www.tumblr.com/purlturtle/736985181321314304/your-helena-tangent-got-me-thinking-and-yes-this )

Oooo fun and deep questions! :D Thank you!!

Obviously, that was 2.5 high schools ago so I had to reread my original meta to refresh my memory. My first thought is: OMFG LEARN PARAGRAPH BREAKS!! O_O But then, as I kept reading and saw how many spaces were missing after periods and how the sentences after the missing space read like a new paragraph -- my second thought is, I think Tumblr did me dirty at some point in the last 10 years of formatting changes and I actually did use appropriate paragraph breaks originally. Rude. -_-

But on the point of your actual questions! lol

I don't remember writing that exact post, but being nervous and uncertain about my Helena characterization does ring a bell. I was DEFINITELY more confident in analyzing/meta-ing Myka or Pete (if it was in relation to Myka). HG made me nervous and that was only like 10% because she's British and I'm American.

Some of my uncertainty probably came from my lack of historical knowledge (which has not improved. Fun fact: this is why I nearly never invented an artifact for fic). A not-insignificant portion of my uncertainty probably also came from how confident the rest of the fandom spoke about Helena. It seemed like she was meta-ed more often and by more people than Myka was. (Which makes sense as -- in general -- Helena was/probably still is the more popular character in the B&W ship.) I don't remember ever feeling like someone was way off base or out of character with Helena, but I do remember reading meta/fic sometimes and struggling to decide if I disagreed with a character trait/action that the person assigned her or if it was an accurate aspect of Helena's character that I hadn't internalized yet.

Basically I had Opinions about how Myka (and Pete for that matter) should be written and definitely noticed when a fic disagreed with me. But figuring out HG was like the wild west to me and I could never pin her down with firm barriers on who her character is and isn't.

I am very, very rusty on my Warehouse 13 knowledge because it's been nearly a decade since I was deep in my analyzation of the show. So, I wouldn't say I have a better grasp on Helena's characterization today than I did in 2014. But there are some aspects I feel like I could understand better if I took the time to rewatch and meta.

Loss of a child -- look I don't have children, but I do have niblings now that I adore. I'm also raising a dog who taught me I do not have the energy or anxiety coping mechanisms to raise a human child, because worrying about her almost does me in on its own. And I'm in my mid-30's now and seem to have a better understanding of parent-child relationships (or I'm at least way more interested in exploring them now, both from the view of the child and the view of the parent). So, exploring Christina's death and just how much that affected Helena would absolutely be on my list of deep-dives. I never ignored this before, but I'm certain I could pull more out of this backstory today than I could've in 2014.

Helena's guilt -- I started rambling at the end of that post about which things Helena felt guilty about and whether she felt guilty at all. As far as I remember, I usually wrote her as feeling some measure of guilt for her past actions. (Although I was also usually writing full AU settings so it was a moot point.) But I also wasn't wrong when I pointed out how she didn't show any obvious signs of regret over her S2 actions, unless it was something that had hurt Myka. If I was going to go back and meta WH13, I would explore this topic deeper for sure.

Interestingly, it's not something I could've explored deeper prior to 2022-ish. But now I've watched the series Lucifer which deals entirely with guilt and has a protagonist with shut down emotions who doesn't regret things and then, through incremental changes over 6 seasons, opens up, learns to feel every emotion again, unpacks a lot of shit etc. And I have been FASCINATED by how the writers pulled that off, because on the surface it is not a show (or a protagonist) that I should care about. (And if I had watched it from ep 1.01 instead of completely ass backwards, I wouldn't have cared about him.) BUT I DO CARE! And I want to know how they pulled off Lucifer's character arc. And then I want to use some of the techniques they used to explore guilt and pain and apply them to Helena to see what emerges in her character. Because I think it would be really interesting.

And then finally, I'm not sure I have anything new to bring to the conversation around what Helena's future with the warehouse and/or happy ending looks like. But I could also never make up my mind on what would work best for her. Does she return as an agent? Does she become a regent? (Probably not, but you never know.) Does she just become the live-in inventor who doesn't venture into the field unless absolutely necessary? I have absolutely no idea what her future with the warehouse would look like if a romantic relationship with Myka is her happy ending. (Which is my personal goal obviously lol).

Because -- and this is where my Opinions on Myka come into play -- our girl Myka Bering is not leaving that warehouse. Ever. She is the new Artie. She will take over as the lead agent when he retires/partially retires. And then she will die there. In South Dakota of old age (because I refuse to let her die on a mission). Pete? Oh, my boy Pete will meet an awesome lady and retire to be a stay at home dad. He'll walk away one day. Myka? Absolutely never. You're burying her at the warehouse. Which means Helena will have to have some kind of relationship with it again, and I would have to figure out what that looks like because both today and in 2014, I can't decide what option fits her best.

I hope this answers your question! It was so deep and I love it :D I just don't have new thoughts on WH13 yet because I haven't looped back around to a full blown obsession with it yet. (It will happen. Round 2 of BERING AND WELLS ARE THE BEST THING EVER will absolutely happen at some point in my life because that's how I roll and they are.) So this is less meta about how my thoughts on Helena have changed, and more about how my approach to her character would change given the experience I've gained in the last ten years.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK!

[comradeboyhalo]

I feel like the issue with comparing the QSMP to DnD is that the islanders would all be different levels, but the writers have to handle everything as if they are the same level. BBH was able to take on 3 eye works and even kill one solo, meanwhile the morning crew got their behinds handed to them by a group of lesser ratio. How do you balance combat for BBH the level 10 Warlock alongside Fit the level 3 Paladin?

yess youre definitely right! ive been thinking about this too, cause i think the dnd approach is necessary for the storytelling (i.e the idea of a loose plot map that the players stitch together), but combat is a different matter. also now im just going to start thinking out loud so please dont take any of what i say below seriously LOL you gave me an excuse to ramble!

overall i also dont really think its the actual combat that needs tweaking. its really more that the players need ground rules of what commands/godmodding the admins can do, or whether or not egg admins are teleporting themselves back ooc. there just needs to be communication about whether or not these fights are winnable, cause players need to have some agency and not feel demotivated, especially seeing some of the reactions from fit/bagi/tubbo. i want players to feel regret, i dont want them to chalk it all up to "oh the admins are just op". there shouldnt be a meta explanation like that, yknow? but ill also talk about fight balancing cause now im curious and want to brainstorm :D

to be fair, bad was only able to take down the eye workers because he started throwing mines, and thats something he's only able to do solo. if mines are out, then it just comes down to him tanking all the hits, because no weapon of his can do enough damage to kill them. qsmp already is doing some type of balancing with the enchanted stick: in that case, the worker who deals the most could focus on bad and burn through his totems while the rest deal with weaker islanders. i also think confusion is a really useful tool, which is why the mobs during code attacks were so scary with the blindness/weakness effects. the best "choreographed" code fights happened when there were waves of mobs, and the code attacked intermittently. this gives weaker players something killable to focus on and giving stronger players a bigger enemy (the npc) if need be, while also automatically hindering their fighting because of crossfire and effects. bad is a lot more cautious with his hits in group battles too.

i think the bigger issue is that armor is so strong on the server that you need crazy good weapons to make a dent. but no one has crazy good weapons except for the admins and etoiles. to get anywhere, the islanders need really creative ways to deal damage while not contributing to crossfire. and this stacks up the odds against all the islanders, whether theyre strong fighters or not. if its doable, the players need to know that its doable, cause rn even bad's idea with reinforced cobwebs was shot down when bagi told him they could just break it in creative mode. which brings me back to my first point. COMMUNICATE SOME GROUND RULES!

but anyways everything im saying is pointless cause i dont know what the lore reasons are 😭. i dont know what the story goals are rn so i cant offer up any good ideas. i really hope that the goal isn't to kill eggs, because i honestly think the qsmp has proven pre-purgatory that we don't need egg-centric storylines to keep the plot rolling. i think a lot of fun fights (and even deaths) can still happen without it feeling forced on the player and viewer end.

[showyoumyfavoriteobsession]

Finished my Mr. Robot rewatch the other night... thoughts

First of all like. God this show fucking rules. It may not be my most favorite show or the show I have the most to say about, but I think it may be the most consistently high-quality show I've ever watched. They had a vision, they knew the story they wanted to tell, and they executed on it and barely ever dropped the ball.

The only thing that I liked significantly less this time was honestly some of the political commentary, and that's more due to the ~changing times~ than the show itself. The grand conspiracy stuff, all the parts about how a shadowy group (led by a Chinese government official) controlled the world and installed autocrats and owned governments, it all just reads very differently post-COVID. Obviously there were conspiracy theories in 2015-2019, but it feels like the show validates them in a way that's kind of uncomfortable now that they're so much more mainstream.

I also am a lot more familiar with DID than I was the first time I watched, so I had a better handle on what exactly was happening between all of Elliot's personalities. The finale, which I remembered being good but somewhat confusing, was much more clear - Mr Robot and Krista pretty much sit down and Explain It All To You, and while the show doesn't use terms like "fronting" and "integration," having that general knowledge made things very understandable. This is a show that learned from the mistakes of Lost (a show that I love deeply) - they make it VERY clear in the last episode which parts are real and which aren't, that what happened in the show actually happened and while there's room for a little ambiguity, it doesn't affect what was real and what wasn't.

I mentioned in another post that I love how every character is a freak, and I stand by that analysis, but I have to emphasize it in particular for the women on this show. The women are so interesting and well-written and fully-realized, and a lot of that comes from the contrast between their strengths and their weaknesses. I love that Darlene puts up a cold front and pushes people away because she's insecure but she's desperately looking for someone to trust. I love that Angela is her foil, someone who's trusting to the point of constantly people-pleasing and being manipulated and tries to make space for her own needs. I love that Dom is a relentless investigator whose brain is always working in overdrive, to the point where she's an absolute train wreck in private, who can't sleep and can't make friends and barely has time to eat or clean. I could go on for every character in the whole show, of all genders, but women are so often neglected in shows like this that it's great to see them full-fledged.

Elliot's closing monologue really got me this time; I've been having a bit of a rough time brain-wise so a good dose of "even when you mess up and make bad decisions and push people away, you are still worthy of love and happiness and the world is changed just by having you in it" was something I really needed to hear tbh. I really love Elliot's character, and especially that he has this optimistic streak that feels so rare for a generally very dark show. Even when his more proximate motivation is revenge or anger, he does everything while believing that he can improve the world, that everyone deserves to be happy and free.

Anyway! I don't have a good way to wrap this up lol, long rambly meta over. I feel like I've drifted away from actually posting meta/general analysis/personal thoughts here because I'm pretty uninterested in engaging in The Discourse, but that just means I end up writing in my Google docs and no one ever sees it, so I might try to start posting more of this stuff again.