#stanowar

[demico-art]

A Tale of One Hoax - Page 28 (The End)

This is it, folks! The last page. It's been a loooong ride, and there were times I thought I wouldn't finish it. Thanks to the readers who stuck with me for all these years, and new readers too! I hope you enjoyed the story! A special thanks to my co-author @peonychikh (formerly known as Anfidersio) for the support and fun all these years!

Cover | Page 27

[a-fluffy-dog24]

The legend of the sea bros

The boys are off on an adventure at sea And talk about they issues and they need each other emotionally and physically to survive. Ford is trying to reject the help from his brother that he desperately needs.Stan is so worried about his brother that he forgets that sometimes he needs to rely on his brother for support.

September,8,2012

It was a beautiful morning off the coast of South America Stan was standing on the deck of their boat. "Good morning you up early" Ford said sarcastically Stan sticks his tongue out at him Ford rolls his eyes. "At least I don't go to bed at 8:00 "Stan teased "well at least I'm not hungover" Ford teased "Shut up and give me my coffee".

Ford handed him his coffee "what have you been up to this morning" "well I shower made breakfast and, I packed us supplies for today". Stan ate breakfast then they headed out to go exploring.Stan is wearing a red beanie and a white shirt and brown coat,blue pants Ford is weairing red sweater and blue coat,black pants boots They went through the forest, and caves and found a small black egg with red spots alone on the ground. Ford wants to take it to learn more about what creature it is he never seen an egg that color before. Stan thinks he shouldn’t.Because he remembered that time during the summer when he hatch a dinosaur egg and it end badly for his wallet. But Ford is interested on trying to hatch they had lunch on the top of the hill.

."Well Stanley we did it, do you remember when we were 12 years old and we found a boat and named it the StanOwar". "Yea seems like only yesterday I remember mom came to check on us to make sure we weren't missing she thought it was so cute"Stan said "yeah she took this picture of her two little adventurous" Ford put out the picture and showed him and Stan remember “we try to paint the whole thing" ,"I remember you through paint at me" Ford teased. "Yea by the time we were done we were covered in paint" "do remember how upset mother was"Ford said "She was pissed we didn't have shirts we were sunburned that was not a fun night "Stan remember

"Anyway this sandwich is beautiful” he says well eating “oww god I have a bad headache” he complains . “Do you take your meds this morning” Ford asked “no” he replied “well that’s probably why you need to take them when we get back”. They packed up and hiked back to the beach to their boat. They can see the sunset fading from blue to red."Did you see that" Stan asked "what did you do you see" "sixer I think a sea monster maybe". They ran onto their boat and put the egg down somewhere safe "I don't see anything" "never mind let go"Stan pulled up the aker. They sailed out to sea for a while then they saw it bobbing in the water.

Stan look at the water it rose from the water "LOOK THERE IT IS GET SOMETHING TO KILL IT WITH holy SHIT it's huge".The giant monster starts attacking the boat "ok I got a spear" Ford grabs a spear and throws it at the huge green sea monster. It has one eye but he misses and the monster gabs Ford's arm and starts putting him overboard.He accidentally hit his head into the wall of the boat it makes him feel like the floor is moving up and down.He starts pulling away and hitting it hard with his hand but it no use "Fuck " Ford yelled Stan run over and punks the monster in the eye, "GET AWAY FROM MY BROTHER YOU SON OF A BICH "he yells.It goes away back into the water, Ford laughs "you did it how hard did you punk it ""I don't know hard enough I guess".

Ford has difficulty sitting down because the his body is shaking and his head really hurts. He tried to get up on the wooden box,but he is feeling frustrated that he keeps falling down do his dizziness."Are you ok" Stan looked worried as he can’t even sit down "I'm fine" "but you’re bleeding and you’re still dizzy let me help you". "No, I can take care of myself I manage to for 30 years” Ford tried to stop the large cuts from bleeding. On his hand and arm it bleeding all down his arm. But he can’t hold still long enough for the blood to clog.Stan dock the boat on the sandy shore but after he come up with a first a kit and a bowl  of soapy water. Ford takes the wet washcloth and wipes his arm ."Thank you" "I'm not going to let my brother get hurt by some dumb monster" he said hopeing that his brother will let him help. “I’m perfectly capable of tending to my own wounds ” it takes him a long while to rap a bandage around his arm.

Then the guys try to call Dipper and Mabel "mazel tov how do you turn this thing stupid on "Stan frustrated hit the phone "I don't know, did you read the intrusion they gave us"Ford said sarcastically."shut up it's working " ....... "Hi Grunkle Stan Hi Grunkle Ford"she yelled excitedly "Hi you guys"said Dipper "we have missed you kids"Stan told them . "What are you doing?"she asks "I just defeated a sea monster" Stan said proudly "how big was it" she wondered "It was huge bigger than the mystery shack" "wow cool"she added "are you sure you're not lying"Dipper questions.

"No he's not and I found this meritorious egg" Ford held it in his hand. It's almost as big as his hand "that's amazing, what do you think it is"Dipper wondered. "I don't know, we have to wait and see" "I think it's like a big butterfly"she hoped ." Mom and dad said we have to go to bed by" Dipper interrupted "by love you guys"she smiled and waved goodbye "bye bye ""by see you soon"Stan hung up  the phone.

Then later Stan makes dinner because if Ford made it they would be eating cereal for dinner.They eat dinner they have fish with carrots and drink their beer on the deck and watch the stars. Ford turns on a radio to listen to some 60s and 70s music.Stan looks angerly at Fords bandages. “Why do you drive me crazy” Stan asks frustrated “what do you mean what are you talking about” he has an idea about what this might be about. “Ford why won’t you let ME HElP YOU ” Stan yelled “because I’m a grown man WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH” he argued “CAUSE I LOVE YOU StanFord I’m trying to make sure you don’t fucking die…. I don’t want you to be hurt” Stan argued. “You need to let people help you sometimes” he finish saying

“I’m sorry Stanley I’m just so used to being independent I don’t realize when I need you” Ford apologize. “It’s okay…….remember when we were kids and we tried to be explores we made a car out of a box. Whore dumb little outfits with the stuff from dad’s shop” Stan reminisce and lit his pipe. Ford takes a sip of his beer “Yes we were really young I think 6 or 7 without are understanding how gravity works.We tried to see what would happen if we pushed it down the stairs with us in it.” “Oh boy that hurt but that didn’t stop us we got up and did it again”Stan laughed. “I think thats how I lost my first baby tooth” Ford told him. “Speaking of which remember in the Photo Booth when we were fooling around and I fall down on my head. I lost my front tooth I was such a stupid kid .” Stan sheepishly .

“Yup I didn’t enjoy explaining that to are parents,they we should have known better at 13 not to be roughhousing. They never got it properly fixed did they?”Ford add “yeah as a teen I got a fake tooth and that help. I mean now I have dentures so that Solve that problem.”He eat some of his food. Then he asks Ford “I've been going out with this girl” “are you sure it’s not a siren we don’t want to end up like the men in tales” Ford jokes. “NO she not or I hope really hope not ……Sixer hey do you want girlfriend", Ford looks up from his journaling "umm Stanley I don't know how to say this but" "oh do you boyfriend"he ask seriously ."I'm ok by myself..I have hobbies, I have the kids, I have you and that is all the love I need. Romance is a confusing feeling to me.I don't want a relationship at the moment I would probably prefer a male partner. It's has taken me a long time to accept that part of myself rather than me trying to run from it. But thank you for the offer".Stan took a smoke from his pipe and blew it off then he asked him.

"Ok just thought I ask....I still love you" Ford hug him and lifts Stan up a little "Hey put me down"Stan smiles at Ford “ since when can you pick me up off the ground you and your week nerd arms” Stan quested. “I’m stronger than you give me credit for little brother” Ford tease him. “Only 15 minutes there show off” Then Stan tried to licks him on the cheek, "what are you doing? No stop it". He moved closer "AHH STANLEY are you high'' Ford laughs "little bit "Stan laughs. "Do you want some" he asks "no I tried it in college I didn't like it and I'm still to mentally recover" he jokes "do you still smoke cigarettes" he asks. "No I quit been clean for 13 years or so" Stan tells him "well that's really great I know you were smoking for a long while good job " "Thanks I did it for the kids Soos brought me to the doctor and helped quit. But I still smoke cigars and stuff like to mix it up every once in a while. I guess that’s not as bad ."

"..Did you bathe today" Ford asked "well no" "that weed makes you stink like stunk go shower" Stan sticks his tongue out at him Ford rolls his eyes and smiles. "Oh bye the way I cooked you clean" Stan asked him "ok but please tell me you didn't use every pot and pan we own." Ford said and goes to start cleaning the mountain of dishes.But before he quickly realizes he needs to keep the egg warm. He picks it up from the blankets it had raps around it He put the egg under the a heat lamp and turned it on. Maybe they’ll have a new pet.

After Stan showers, they go to bed.12:00 am Ford got up to use the bathroom and he found Stan outside out the deck watching the waves. A 6 fingers hand was put on his back "Stanley what are you doing out here" "I couldn't sleep" "Did you have a nightmare". "Yes... I was in a room by myself in the dark and someone was telling me that I was worthless and I believe it.

The voice said it again and again but louder  and then dad came out of nowhere he told me to my face again that he thought I never was good for anything anyway. I...I COULDN'T"T DO A GOD DAM thing about it and I couldn't make it stop it's all my fault "he sobbed. Ford hugs him tightly "shhh okay you are not worthless without you I still be stuck in a another  dimension or the kids would gone.He really was a bad person it's feels a little worse to say that about our own father. But he hurt you and thats Something I can't let you be dragged down by for the rest of our lives. You're much more smarter than I am when it comes to noticing  things and braver too you really mean the world to me Stanley.

“Did you take your medicine this morning” “I don’t remember.. just to let you know you’re the one diagnosed with depression the medication is under your name” Stan told him he’ll have to call the pharmacy in the morning to get the prescription under Stanley name. “Come on let’s go bed” he whispers. He carried Stan like a small child and walked back inside. Ford decided that he too tried and exhaust from his withdrawal to drag himself to bed.

And he thinks that maybe this is a way to make up for his mistreat of his younger brother. Ford thinks that he is unhappy with himself for not being a good brother to him for being so selfish and stubborn even when Stan just trying to help him. He finds it difficult to let himself be cared for. Because he struggles with his shame of feeling like he doesn’t deserve to be loved. Stan would has no problem doing the same for him. Inside Ford gets his him his medicine and helps him in to bed. Stan looked at him and smiled a little bit and Ford thought maybe he still has a chance to change. He feels a lot better now that he’s brother looks to be doing alright. Ford wrapped a red plaid blanket around both of them they slept and cuddled side by side.

A day or two later they did some exploring on the beach of the new island it seems to be very populated by people. The locals are friendly to the twins they stop at a restaurant for breakfast "hey Ford do you want to hear the dream I had last night". "Maybe? Sure ""I had a dream that mom told me that she is proud of me for helping you..Isn't that weird". "Yea that odd I had a similar dream that she wanted me to be less stubborn and she was very happy that we're looking after each other".

"I wish mother was here"Ford told him taking a sip of his tea "I wish too but if it makes you feel better she knew" Stan comforted him "she knew about the portal and my disappearance" he asked. "Yes she is the only one I trusted and she knew I could bring you back. She gave me money when she could to help run it.And told me when she died I think that was a little while after the kids were born. She said to keep going to Bring you back." Stan took off his gold chain and opened it to show him.And in Lock it was a picture of the two of them and their mother.Ford touched with 6 fingers hand gently rubbing it and smiled Stan smiled too.After they finished their food they did some shopping at the market for supplies and food that should last them a few weeks. And get some cool stuff to show the kids.

"Is Shamans still alive" Ford asked him "umm no unfortunately he passed away a year ago from kidney cancer sorry" Stan told him. "That's a shame I thought we could go and see him is his wife Faith is she still alive" he said " Faith is she in a nursing home in Piedmont we could go with Michael if you wanted to" Stan offered Ford shook his head and agreed that they should when they get back home. Stan showed him a Hawaiian shirt he wants to buy even though he already has about 10. They headed to the ship and start dinner when the egg starts to hatch “look Stanley it’s hatching get my journal” Ford waits and watches what ever creature might come out.

“Lets hope it’s not a siren I don’t want to go through that again ” Stan hands him his phone a little brown head slowly pops out it has the ears of a cat and the eyes and mouth of a dog. A small round brown body covered in curly dark brown hair and a cat nose.Paws too big for it body thick tail with a white patch on the end. “Well that’s looks like something Mabel would draw she kind of cute” Stan try to pat her she moves away. “It’s incredible I’ve never seen anything like it before”Ford wrote down his observations.She jumped into his lap and licks his face “gross stop it be a good test subject ” Ford takes her and measures her height and takes pictures.Get a blood sample then he uses a microscope to look at her DNA.

A few hours later after Ford runs more tests Stan asks “You weren’t thinking of just using her to run your experiments and then getting rid of her were you”. “Well yes we can’t take care of a pet” Ford says “why not she can’t survive on her own just look at her” Stan points to her playing with a ball on the floor. “Ok you make a good point” he reaches out and gives her a scratch Stan pick her up and gives her her bottle. “How about Joy” he suggests “perfect” Ford agrees.They sailed around the world together from Colombia to Ireland to Australia to the Netherlands to Antarctica, to Africa and many other places looking for babes and treasure and creatures, myths .

[roseg96]

Thinking about these two old men today ❤️‍🩹

[maddexfox]

Stan O' War

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[silasbirchtree]

tryinf to watch old gravity falls episode hurts so bad. gobblewonker episode i will never see u the same way ever againnnn 😭😭😭😭

[ckret2]

Chapter 78 of human Bill Cipher pretending he's not the Mystery Shack's captive for ten minutes:

This happens!

Whoops, sorry, zoomed too far in.

This happens!

Way more important and exciting.

####

Bill lasted—based on the sun's position—about a couple of hours before this body's needs knocked him out of his meditative mindset. He sat up with a sigh, checked his tanlines—the stripes he'd drawn across his abdomen were already darkening into a nice, angry burn—and glanced over at the lake to see what the Pines were up to.

At the moment, Mabel was holding a foot-long wiggling, glittery, gold-scaled trout in a net and grinning proudly. Stan wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pointed at her in excitement as Dipper snapped a picture of them. Stan opened a cooler for her to drop the fish in. Mabel's face fell, and she hugged the fish protectively. Stan's shoulders sagged; but after half a minute of unsuccessful negotiations, he relented and pointed at the lake. She dumped the trout back in the water.

Bill clicked his tongue in disappointment and muttered, "If I'd thought they'd catch the golden trout, I would've told 'em that thing's like the holy grail to the Fishmasons." Stan probably would have insisted they keep it just so they could get something on Eugene. Bill wasn't emotionally invested in their feud; but the trout did grant three wishes. Bill could use that kind of power.

Oh well, he could tell them later. Maybe they'd get lucky and hook it again. Bill got to his feet. "Hey, old lady. I need to stretch my legs." Stretch his legs, look for entertainment, and forage for food—they were planning to be out here all day, but there hadn't yet been a grocery trip to properly stock his new fridge chest and he didn't trust Ford's nutrition pills, so he'd only brought along a bottle of hot sauce and a bottle of sprinkles and hoped he'd manage to find some food once he was here. (And if he didn't find any—well, at least he had hot sauce and sprinkles.)

"Okay," Abuelita said. She turned a page.

He put his slippers back on, dug his condiments and eye patch out of Abuelita's bag—his eyes were getting tired—put on the patch, and scanned the beach. "Hey. Looks like somebody's grilling hot dogs over there."

Abuelita made a noncommital sound of minimal interest.

"Hot dog might be nice," he said. "Looks like the grill's a biiit over thirty feet away, though..."

"Okay," Abuelita said again.

"So." He waved his braceleted hand demonstratively. "Shall we?"

"Eh. I don't want a hot dog." She slid the enchanted bracelet off and dropped it in the sand.

Bill stared at the bracelet, then stared at her. "What, that—really? You're just... really?"

"What am I, a cop?"

Good enough for him. "You're all right, lady." He wrapped the extra thread around his wrist, put on the second bracelet, and glanced at the Stanowar again to make sure the Pines weren't about to catch him off his leash.

The family was crowded around watching as Ford reeled in something heavy. He grinned excitedly as the hook dragged up a patch of soggy khaki fabric; and his smile vanished when his coat grabbed the boat with a furry hand. As the family scrambled to the far end of the boat, Bigfoot—wearing Ford's lost coat and a full set of scuba gear—climbed aboard the boat.

Ford punched Bigfoot in the face.

"Oh," Bill said. "Bigflipper. That'll keep 'em distracted for a while." Satisfied, he meandered up the beach.

He plastered on a bright smile as he approached the family with the hot dogs, veered around the husband working the grill, and walked right up to the wife sitting on a beach towel, eating a hot dog, and watching her kids play in the water. "Heeey, Wanda! What are you doing here! Look at you, you look terrific!"

The woman looked up at Bill from under her sunhat in bafflement. "I—hi? Sorry, do I...?"

"Sure, it's Goldie! Washington State! Fifteen years ago! We were in the same study group, remember? East Asian history? Honestly all I remember about the class is the other girls and that fifty percent of it was about Confucianism."

Wanda's eyes lit up, and then un-lit as she realized she still didn't recognize Bill. "Oh—heeey! Wow—sorry, guess I've slept since then."

"Don't worry about it, I'm just good with faces. Anyway, from what I remember," he jabbed a thumb toward the man at the grill, "at the time most of your attention was on Danny."

Wanda laughed again, a little more easily. "Right, god. I can't believe I made it through that semester with passing grades."

"Hey, you were still the only one in the group who could remember what order all those dynasties came in..."

Bill kept Wanda distracted for another couple of minutes with small talk about the study sessions he'd spied on out of boredom from a library stained glass window; and then, when he saw one hot dog had been set aside fully grilled and mustarded but as-yet unclaimed, he said, "But hey, I won't distract you anymore! Those kids look like a handful." While both parents turned to look at the kids, Bill snatched up the unclaimed hot dog, strolled down the beach, and called back, "It was good catching up!" That whole performance probably hadn't been necessary, he might've been able to time his loitering to swing by just as the hot dog was left unguarded; but it had been more fun this way. He didn't get to have a lot of conversations these days. Less where he felt like he was the one in control of the conversation.

He soaked the bun in hot sauce, dumped some sprinkles on the mustard, and took a bite while he glanced out at the lake again to see how the Pines were doing.

At the moment, Ford had Bigfoot in a chokehold from behind. Stan hit him with a right hook. Bigfoot kicked Stan in the chest with one immense flippered foot, and he tumbled backward into the lake.

Looked like none of them would be paying attention to anything on the beach any time soon. No need to go straight back to his cell. He scanned the rows of beachgoers sitting out by the lake, looking for fresh entertainment.

Bill's gaze fixed on one of the humans. One of these things is not like the others, one of these things doesn't belong. Amongst all the tourists in their swimsuits, one man—standing ramrod straight, dressed in a black suit, holding a heavy black device with an antenna—stuck out like a sore pale thumb in a pitch black bandaid.

An agent from the Bureau of Covert Investigations. The "eagles." The same guys that had covered up President Quentin Trembley's existence, a brief sightseeing trip Bill had taken to Roswell via nuclear testing-induced dimensional rip, and the miraculous and disgusting resurrection of cult leader/possession puppet Silas Birchtree; and, the guys that had been trying to find Bill's portal in Gravity Falls since they'd detected it in the '80s. Bill wasn't the eagles' biggest fan.

But they'd never been a big enough potential threat or a big enough potential help for him to intervene in their operations. In the mid '80s, when the lead investigator in Gravity Falls had been putting together his case, Bill had considered pulling some strings and manipulating them into taking over the portal from Stanley, before concluding they'd be more likely to disassemble the portal than activate it and it was better off in Stan's clumsy care. But all the same, he'd kept watch over their operations. 

And this, if he wasn't mistaken, was the lead investigator himself. Agent Powers. What was he doing here? Bill had thought the case was closed last year after Ford wiped their memories and sent them packing. Maybe Powers was here about Trembley? Depending on what the Pines had entered into the memory gun, the eagles might still remember that part of their operations in town.

Bill would kinda like to know where Trembley was these days. He studied the agent as he slowly finished his hot dog; and then he moved in.

"Hey there, agent!" Bill clapped a hand on his shoulder, making him start, and beamed brightly. "Welcome to town! What brings you to Gravity Falls?"

"Pardon?" Agent Powers gave Bill an appraising up-and-down look—threat assessment, probably—caught sight of his bikini top, and quickly looked him in the eye. "How did you know I'm an agent?"

"Oh, that's easy! I'm psychic."

Powers opened his mouth, paused, and then squinted skeptically at Bill.

"Just kidding. You've got an earpiece, a business suit at the beach, and the government's favorite car."

"Oh." Powers turned to glance toward where he'd parked. "Yes. I suppose so."

"Say! If you want a more covert vehicle, you oughta go to Gleeful Auto in town. You'll blend right in. Just tell 'em Mr. Locke sent you."

"Who's Mr. Locke?"

Right, Bill supposed he didn't look like much of a "Mr." at the moment. Humans didn't consider bikinis gender neutral for some reason. He took a split second to decide whether he'd get any practical benefits from trying to push past the agent's initial perception of his gender, and couldn't think of any. "Friend of mine!"

"Ah." Powers nervously looked Bill up and down again; then cleared his throat and glanced away, cheeks flushed faintly pink in the heat. "Right. Thank you, uh, citizen."

"No problem!" If Bill remembered his suits right, this agent was an easy target. Believed in "collaborating" with "local informants"; wasn't very good at the covert part of the Bureau of Covert Investigations. "You don't look like you're in town on vacation! Investigating anything interesting at the lake?"

"Well..." Powers flashed Bill a quick sideways glance before nodding vaguely toward a couple of people in dive suits further up the beach. "If you must know, we've picked up some evidence of the lake recently flooding its banks. Which is strange, because the amount of rain this area's received can't account for how high the water climbed..."

Not here about Trembley, then? "Flooding? Think there's any danger, agent? In our quiet, harmless little town?"

"No, no. Nothing like that," Powers said quickly. "But, I've said too much. I should go." He shifted his footing anxiously. He did not go.

What was that about? Bill glanced down at himself; he still looked perfectly human, didn't see anything that should make a government agent nervous. Was it the lack of shaving? Was that too Seventies Feminist for Mr. Government Suit? Was the eyepatch setting off his secret agent "Soviet supervillain in a spy movie" instincts? He couldn't have noticed Bill stealing a hot dog.

Should Bill press his luck? (Stupid question—of course he should.) "Say, you keep giving me these odd looks, agent! Anything you wanna say?"

His pink cheeks flushed darker. "Er, no, no ma'am. It's just, I uh..." He gestured vaguely toward Bill, "I... couldn't help but notice that your... sunscreen is a bit streaky."

Bill glanced down at his tan lines. Streaky? He thought the burn lines were coming out pretty crisp.

The agent went on, "I was wondering if you needed help applying it more evenly." It took a split second for him to realize what he'd just said; and then he went even redder.

Bill raised his brows. Huh. "Nooo, I'm great, thanks. It's supposed to look like that."

"Oh." Powers's brow furrowed in confusion. "All right." He nodded. "In that case, I really should be going, then."

"All right!"

But Powers hesitated again for a moment before finally moving up the beach away from Bill.

Well. Interesting. Interesting reaction.

He checked on the Stanowar again to make sure the Pines hadn't seen anything. At the moment—he squinted—they seemed to be playing poker with Bigfoot. He must not have liked Mabel's playing (unsurprising; she was an incorrigible cheat), because he picked her up and chucked her in the lake.

"She's fine," Bill muttered. "She's got her life jacket." They were good about that in this town.

He watched as Powers met up with the divers farther along the beach; and then he headed back to his towel.

####

Bill had decided his front was sufficiently roasted and was struggling to apply new sunscreen stripes to his back so he could flip over, when he overheard somebody say, "Oh hey, Toga Lady?"

Bill twisted around, already grinning in greeting before he'd even seen who was talking to him. "Heya!" It was Broken Heart and two of the others. Wendy's gang. Robbie, Tambry, and Nate. "What are you guys doing out here! You don't look like the beach types!" (In deference to the environment, all three of them had donned swim trunks and sandals; but that was as beachy as they'd gotten. Nate and Tambry were in black t-shirts advertising metal bands. Robbie was still in his hoodie. Robbie's legs nearly glowed white.)

"Hanging," Tambry said, one arm around Robbie's back and face glued to her phone.

Nate elbowed Robbie. "Dude, he's Toga Guy, remember?"

"Toga 'Lad' would be better," Tambry said.

"You sure?" Robbie asked. "Sh—he's kinda..." He gestured vaguely toward his own chest, realized that probably wasn't the best way to make his point, and finished, "uh... bikini."

"I don't want to spend my day arguing about whether I've got the right to go topless!" Bill got to his feet and planted his hands on his hips. "I could talk my way out of trouble with the police—it's the tourist parents I'm worried about." He pulled up one strap to examine his shoulder. "It's gonna ruin my tan, though."

They took in his tan in progress: several horizontal lines across his lower torso and upper thighs, a few disconnects vertical lines stretched between the horizontal ones. Tambry glanced up from her phone, snorted, and started typing faster; Nate said, "Dude, are you trying to make bricks like the triangle guy?"

Bill froze, mouth open. "Uhhh..." Sure, that was the objective—he just hadn't really expected humans to find it that obvious. Nosy little pattern-seekers. "I mean—"

"That's cool," Tambry said. "Stick it to the man."

Robbie had screwed up his face a bit, but at Tambry's reaction, he shrug-nodded and conceded, "Yeah, it's kinda punk, I guess."

Nate said, "Praise Bill or whatever, right?" He laughed. "Yeah, I thought about getting a tattoo of him. Up here or something?" He pushed a sleeve up above the snake tattoo wrapped around his left bicep to show the blank spot on his shoulder. "But my parents would flip if they ever found out. Maybe I should do the brick thing too, it's way subtler." Nate turned to the other two, lifted up his shirt, and said, "Hey Tambers, do you think I'd look cool with bricks around my waist?"

She didn't look up. "No."

"What if I got an eye on my chest too?"

"Let me think. No."

Bill watched this back and forth with wide-eyed stunned silence. Hold on. What? Praise Bill?

"Pfff, whatever!" Robbie rolled his eyes. "Hey, you're gonna regret getting a Bill tattoo once I get my sick symbol off the anti-Bill circle. It's like... giving me a permanent rock-paper-scissors win against you. For the rest of time."

Nate laughed. "Shut up, whatever man! The circle didn't even do anything."

"It would have! It was, like, glowing!"

"Heeey!" Bill stepped into the trio's line of sight again. "Right, yeah, praise Bill, by the way any of you wanna help me get my back?" He turned around to gesture over his shoulder. "Little favor between punk weirdos?"

"Yeah, sure." Tambry tucked her phone into Robbie's hoodie pocket and held out her hand for the tube of sunscreen. "Just continue the lines around your back?"

"You got it." Bill lifted his arms. "And try to keep the bricks evenly spaced."

"What is this stuff? Some kind of suntan lotion?"

"It's more like anti-sunscreen," Bill said. "By the way, you probably wanna wash your hands after this unless you want sunburned fingers." He wiggled his own fingers, which were faintly flushed from applying the first layer of sunscreen that morning.

"Hey, anti-sunscreen," Nate said, "you could call that, uh... sun-beam." He paused. "No wait, that's already a word."

Robbie laughed. "You're an idiot."

"Sooo," Bill said. "Is the triangle guy cool now? Not—not asking for any particular reason. Just curious."

"Oh, yeah," Tambry said. "Like half the school's decided he's our crazy anti-authoritarian counterculture chaos god now?" (Bill was adding that to his business card.)

Robbie said, "Somebody set up a shrine to him in a hollow tree stump behind the school. People started making animal sacrifices to him during finals week."

Nate said, "It's chicken nuggets and cafeteria tacos, but. Y'know. We didn't say live animals."

"Huh! Interesting!" Bill tried, unsuccessfully, not to sound too excited. He was hip with the youth. Who'd imagined! This was what he got for hanging out with the town's cops and politicans, he could've been exploiting this for a month. "But I think he prefers receiving gold!"

Nate laughed. "Dude, I'd prefer receiving gold, too. What we have is chicken nuggets and tacos."

"Fair enough," Bill shrugged. "By the way—if you want a Bill tattoo? The traditional style is to shave your hair and get his eye above your forehead, right here!" He tapped his skull over his brain's frontal eye fields. "It tells him right where to enter."

"Oh, sweet! That's perfect," Nate said. "I can shave, get a tattoo, and just keep my hat on until my hair grows back. No one will ever know!" (Bill tried to imagine hair growing out of his eyeball, and wished he hadn't.)

Robbie said, "Hey, weren't the Pines like... not letting you go outside because you knew him or something? That's what Wendy said."

That wasn't the story he'd told her. He'd have to find out where she'd picked that up. "Or something. It was more because of dumb academic ego-measuring contests than anything to do with that."

"So, they finally letting you outside alone now?"

"Only for group trips." Bill pointed out at the lake.

The three teens squinted toward the boat. "Whoa," Tambry said. "Are they arm-wrestling Bigfoot?"

"Oh, yeah. It was poker earlier."

For a moment, all activity ceased as the teens watched the battle out on the lake. Nate sat in the sand and propped his chin in his hand. Figuring Tambry was done with his stripes, Bill plopped onto his beach towel to watch as well.

Bigfoot defeated Stan, and Soos switched places with him to try next. Soos lasted five seconds before Bigfoot flipped him into the water. Melody scrambled to help pull him back aboard as Bigfoot pumped his fists in the air victoriously. Bill snorted.

"Bad luck," Robbie said. 

"I could beat him," Nate said. "Hey Robbie, think I could beat him?"

"Pfff, no."

"Bet Wendy could," Tambry said, recording through her phone as Bigfoot generously indulged Dipper and Mabel's attempt to take him on as a team. The guys murmured vague agreement with Tambry.

"Buuut anyway," Bill said, reluctant to let the conversation get too far away from himself, "yeah, I might've talked to the triangle guy a couple, several times."

"That's pretty cool," Nate said. "Hey, we oughta hang sometime, I bet Lee'd wanna hear about that. It'd probably drive Wendy crazy, but..."

Tambry let out a dismissive pff. "The triangle stuff's been driving Wendy crazy all year. She can take it."

"Not a fan?" Bill asked.

"Nah, she thinks the whole thing's creepy. Her and Thompson both."

"I think the whole cult thing's fine," Robbie said magnanimously. "As, y'know, one of the people prophesied to defeat him. If he ever really came back and caused trouble, we could handle it."

Bill tried not to roll his eye. Bold words out of a guy who, a couple of years ago, had left a plate of spaghetti in the woods to see if an "evil triangle" urban legend was true, and had thrown up when Bill dragged him into a dream state to show him just how true it was.

On Earth, urban legends about Bill tended to pop up and wither away in waves around the epicenter of his latest area of influence—like mushroom rings spreading away from a patch of ground they'd depleted of useful nutrients and left to die. Bill suspected the local urban legend Robbie had stumbled upon had been passed down in Gravity Falls for thirty years by teens misinterpreting Old Man McGucket's crazy ramblings about a "demon triangle" and "spaghettification."

He was always torn on whether to encourage or quash such urban legends: on the one hand, it was handy for humans to know he existed and was available for deals; but much less handy when they warned each other away from him. More than once, knowledge of him had nearly broken into the mainstream, and he'd had to put all his other plans on hold to focus on deflecting the whistleblowers' information into obscurity.

Apparently encouraging the spaghetti one had been the right move, if a year after his brief conquest of Gravity Falls the teens were offering him sacrifices rather than cursing his name.

Nate punched Robbie's arm. "Why would he cause us trouble? He's our chaos god, remember? We've given him offerings!"

"I like that attitude," Bill said. "Hanging out sounds fun! We'll... figure something out sometime." As soon as he found a way to make the Pines let him go outside without being surrounded by babysitters. Wouldn't that be humiliating, a full adult hanging out with teenagers and it's the adult who isn't allowed outside without a chaperone. No, that wasn't an option. If he came with an adult attached, they'd ditch him in a heartbeat for being too much of a drag.

The teens made their farewells and headed down the beach, Tambry and Robbie with their arms around each other again. Tambry wiped the anti-sunscreen off her hand onto the back of Robbie's hoodie.

As they went, they walked past Agent Powers—who was looking right at Bill.

Bill stared. The agent quickly looked away.

He didn't like that one bit. As he adjusted his position to lay face down on his towel, he said, "Hey, Dolores. You get the feeling we're being watched?"

"Hm?" Abuelita glanced up from her book toward Bill, then looked where he was looking. "Government." She made a disapproving noise and turned back to her book. "Nothing but trouble."

"You said it." Why was Powers so focused on Bill. He couldn't possibly be in any kind of trouble, he hadn't even existed until a month ago. And the eagles probably didn't know that, did they?

Nothing Bill could do about it in the middle of a beach trip. He propped his chin in his hand and checked on the fishing crew again.

In a fury, Bigfoot had ripped the motor off the back of the boat and lifted it over his head. The Pines family huddled together at the other end of the boat, trying to shield their heads.

A golden trout jumped out of the water, arced majestically through the air, and smacked Bigfoot in the face. Bigfoot stumbled backward and tripped out of the boat.

Hm. Maybe letting the trout go had been the right move. Bill shut his eyes and lay back down.

####

The sun was low and most of the beachgoers had gone home when the Stanowar chugged back to shore, battle-weary, disheveled, and dissatisfied. Except for Ford, who was wearing his sopping wet coat over his waders, holding one boot, and pleased as punch.

"Hey!" Bill shouted. "How'd it go!" He surreptitiously tossed half the bracelet over to Abuelita. She quietly slid it on.

Crankily, Stan yelled from the dock, "You didn't mention Bigfoot in a scuba tank!"

Bill shouted back, "Bigflipper wasn't there when I looked! What, did you expect me to check the entire spacetime continuum to find you the perfect fishing?!"

Faintly, he could hear Ford say, "See, I told you his proper name is Bigflipper."

Mabel repeatedly poked Dipper in the arm as they crossed the beach. Dipper flinched each time. "Ow, ow—Mabel. Cut it out."

"That's what you get for forgetting your sunscreen, bro-bro!"

Dipper's arms and face were bright red with a sunburn. "I didn't forget! I put it on at the beach, right before we left!"

Bill grabbed up Abuelita's empty water bottles and tossed them in the nearest trash can, along with the rest of his tube of anti-sunscreen before anyone could get a good look at it. He ignored the kids and said to Stan, "But it was a good fishing spot, right?"

Stan grumbled, but grudgingly admitted, "Yeah. Until tall, brown, and hairy showed up. We caught four fish! That's gotta be at least as good as the guys from the lodge, right?"

Bill winced. "Ooh. Sorry, they went by an hour ago with eleven fish."

Stan let out a roar of outrage and threw his fishing rod in the sand.

"Grunkle Stan, you don't go fishing to catch fish," Mabel said. "You go fishing to catch memories! Look at this!" She held up a bunch of photos. "This is a whole scrapbook spread right here! We caught sooo many memories."

"And my coat," Ford said. He was admiring his #1 Grunkle pen, which he'd taken from the coat pocket.

"I'd rather have fish," Stan grumbled. "All right, c'mon. Let's get..." He trailed off, looking past Bill. "Hey, is that...?"

Bill glanced back over his shoulder, and grimaced. Agent Powers and his protégé were watching them from the far end of the beach. Bill quickly turned back around. "Yep. Your old friends from last summer," he said. "They've been scoping out the beach all day. I don't know what they're here for—but you probably wanna get out of here." More importantly, Bill wanted to get out of here—but he didn't see any benefit to letting them know he was nervous.

"He's right," Ford said. "If they see us long enough to recognize us—and his memories start coming back..."

"Who are they?" Melody asked.

Soos whispered loudly, "I'll explain it in the car." Bill bit back the need to point out that whispering didn't make a difference as far away as the agents were.

"I don't get it," Stan said. "What are they doing back here?"

"You wanna go ask him?" Bill asked. Stan grimaced.

The Pines and Ramirez families piled back in their vehicles and headed out. Bill had the uneasy feeling that Agent Powers was focused on the Ramirez's truck as they left.

####

(How long have I been promising the Agent Powers plot, since like the May before last or something? Here it is!!

Next week, either we launch straight into the Powers plot, or I finally have the Axolotl chapters (it's chapters plural now) sufficiently edited and we do that first, because once we start the Powers plot there's no place for a break until it's over. Hopefully the Axolotl chapters will finally be ready by next Friday, but if they're not...... tough. It's fine though, you'll live.)

[jermapliermiku]

HEAR ME OUT, gravity falls movie bro. animated ofc about how bill comes back through the power of his cults around the world. I mean come ON THAT SOUNDS AMAZING. I would like to see a scene where Ford, Stan, Mabel and soos on the stanowar boat getting attacked by a crazy dragon sea creature and Stan says a funny line like 'but her aim is getting better!' Ford 'no time to jooke :('

[a-stanford-pines]

heyyy sixer forgot to ask

did we go on a Stanowar trip in the end?

@the-coolest-man-ever

Oh haha yes! I'm actually on a trip right now, well me and Stanley stopped by a town for now, for get supplies and whatnot. You see, I'm researching anomalys found out at sea, with Stanley as my help and company. It's been quite the schlep, but we're both having a lot of fun and I'm happy with the progress I'm making on my research.

[cantgetworsethanthistbh]

boo!! crab attack!!

something something sea grunkles something something stanowar… ocean?

idk you get the picture

anon i need you to know yes i do get the picture ans thank you i love you for sendjng me crabs

[jovalencia]

the fishing boat being called the stanowar

[a-fluffy-dog24]

A another fanfic it’s called the legend of the sea bros. Summary the boys are off on an adventure at sea And talk about they issues and they need each other emotionally and physically to survive. Ford is trying to reject the help from his brother that he desperately needs.Stan is so worried about his brother that he forgets that sometimes he needs to rely on his brother for support.

Here’s a sneak peek.

The giant monster starts attacking the boat "ok I got a spear" Ford grabs a spear and throws it at the huge green sea monster. It has one eye but he misses and the monster gabs Ford's arm and starts putting him overboard.He accidentally hit his head into the wall of the boat it makes him feel like the floor is moving up and down.He starts pulling away and hitting it hard with his hand but it no use.

[mistamysterystan]

Eh-? Oh yeah. Just cuz I don't use it don't mean I don't understand how to.

And sides, I don't use a dial phone anymore. Once me and Ford got on the stanowar Mabel insisted I get one of those 'cell phones'.

Kinda regret it because now I get at least 20 messages from her everyday..

wait- Stanley??? I woulda thought he'd understand it the least (I mean he still uses a dial phone I think..)

golly!! you cant run a whole buisiness for thirty odd years without knowin' how to use tech!!

@mistamysterystan aint that right stanley?

[charqueen12]

In the second episode of gravity falls stabs boat said Stan o war wich completly tore me up because all Stan wanted was to have that relationship with the twins that he never got with ford

[demico-art]

Full color commission for @nippon-maverick37

---

Commission info

[gosecretscribbles]

Forduary 2018 Week 4: Stan O’ War

Thanks for this piece go to Mubfsw (on Archive of Our Own), who came up for the idea behind this story.  Enjoy!

Ford sat in the kitchen of the Stan O' War, various bits and pieces of machinery scattered around him.  

“My bonnie lies over the ocean...”

His jaw tightened and he drew the machine closer, trying to screw in the little nails as fast as he could.  

“My bonnie lies over the sea...!”

Ford finally gave up and stood.  “STANLEY WOULD YOU CUT THAT OUT!”

The cabin door opened and Stanley stuck his head in, grinning.  “Whatsa matter, Sixer?  Want me to pick a different song?”

“Yes!  Preferably one with no lyrics whatsoever!”

“You got it!”

“Wait no wait –”

“AAAAAH-OOOOOH-EEEEEH-YAYAYAYAAAAAA –”

Ford slapped his hands over his ears.  “Uncle, uncle!”

“You mean grunkle, baby!  POW!”

Ford groaned.  About a week ago they'd found a strange golden goblet with odd encryptions around the rim.  Stan, of course, drank from it the first chance he got, which was how they found out it cursed the drinker to hear the voices of the dead. Apparently the sea was heavily populated with ghosts from hundreds of years ago, and Ford had been excited to hear their first-hand accounts of ancient anomalies (well, second-hand, since Stan had had to repeat everything they said.  Occasionally with his own colorful interpretations).

After a few days, though, Stan got annoyed with having to listen to them nonstop.  They had yet to find a cure for the curse, so Ford was working on an astral disruptor to keep the ghosts at bay.  It would make the area very painful for any ghost to endure for long.

Unfortunately, Stan had hit upon something even worse: his singing.

“I am literally begging you to stop,” Ford said, looking up at his brother.  

“Sorry, pal!  Can't hear you over this drowned damsel screamin' in my ear!”  He inhaled deeply, preparing to sing.  

“WAIT!  Look, since we can't put enough distance between us, you've got to stop singing.  Just for ten minutes, or I'll never get this disruptor done!”

Stan cupped a hand around his ear.  “Did I hear that right?  The great 12th-degree genius can't fix a machine? Do I detect a sore spot?”

“I'll give you a sore spot!” Ford snapped.  

“Yeesh!  Alright already.  But don't expect to hear any more second-hand accounts of Atlantis from me.”  He pulled back and closed the door.

“That is the point of the whole disruptor!” Ford called after him.

He collapsed back on the bench next to the table and held his breath.  He was waiting for another migraine-inducing song from his brother.  When he counted to twenty, and the ship was still quiet, Ford let his breath whoosh out.  Dipper and Mabel had told him that the three of them defeated a horde of zombies by singing.  Given Stan's vocal cords, Ford believed Stan could've done it solo.

That must be what it's like for Stan, hearing those ghosts all the time. Serves him right, Ford thought.

But he pulled the disruptor close again. Karmic justice aside, there was no reason for Stan to keep paying for what had clearly been a dumb mistake.  

It took him about three minutes to finish the machine, attach the feed, and turn it on.  He brought it up to the deck.

“Okay, Stanley!  How's it...ah.”

Stan was fast asleep, slumped against the wheelhouse, fishing pole still held tightly in his hand.  His head was thrown back and he was snoring loudly.  It was almost...cute.  In a really crusty way.

Of course.  The ghosts had been pestering Stanley nonstop.  Ford hadn't noticed a change in Stan's behavior, but he really should've noticed the dark shadows under his eyes. They must've been keeping him awake at all hours of the night.  

Well, it was clear enough that Stan needed the rest.  Ford made to go back below deck, but his brother suddenly startled awake.  

“Ehn?  Wazzat?”

Ford turned back.  “I didn't mean to wake you.  I just finished making the astral disruptor.  Do you hear any ghosts?”

Stan blinked and looked around blearily.  “Um...no.”  He blinked a few times.  “Wow.  Wow! No wonder I fell asleep!  Those stupid things have been yackin' my ear off for days and now it's finally quiet!”  He sprang to his feet.  “Take that, you ectoplasmic whiner-babies!  Who's yellin' uncle now, huh? Hahahaha!”

Ford rolled his eyes.  “Yes, well, I strongly suggest we treat this as a trial run only.  And pay particular attention to any sounds you hear, whether or not you think I can hear them.  There may be some side effects to mixing an astral disruptor with your curse.  In fact, the particular wavelengths that the ghosts seem to use may also have been duplicated by other supernatural –”

“ROLLIN' DOWN TO OLD MAUI, BOYS/ROLLIN' DOWN TO OLD MAUI!”

Ford jumped so badly he nearly dropped the disruptor.  “Great Einstein's Ghost, Stanley!  I just told you the disruptor's working, you don't need to sing!”

“Sure I don't, that's why I feel like singin'!  WE'RE HOMEWARD BOUND TO THE ARCTIC GROUND –”

“That's it!”

Ford dropped the disruptor safely on the deck and lunged at Stan, literally bowling him over.  

It was like being kids again.  They rolled around on the deck, the fishing rod long forgotten, wrestling and trying to grab at each other.  Ford knew Stan's every weak spot, all the little places where, if he did it juuuust right...

“Sweet Mo – Moses, Ford!” Stan gasped, laughing so hard tears streamed down his eyes.  “You have twelve fingers, it's not –” and then he ran out of breath to say anything else.  He was practically doubled up laughing.

Ford paused on top of him, grinning.  “Give up yet?”

“I give, I give!  Grunkle!”

Ford laughed and rolled off.  Stanley sat up, still wheezy with laughter and clutching at a stitch in his side.  

“You tryin' a make me wet my pants or something?” Stan asked, smiling, when he'd gotten some of his breath back.  “I mean geez, that's just playin' dirty!  You coulda just asked me to stop singin'.”

Ford punched him lightly on the arm.  “I did ask, you knucklehead.”  

“Musta been short-term memory loss!”

He rolled his eyes.  “Really, Stan?  Must you kid about that?”

“'Must you', 'must you',” Stan mimicked. “Aaand you're back to bein' a stuffed shirt.  And here I thought my good influence was finally rubbin' off on you.”

“Too bad,” Ford said dryly.  “How're those ghosts of yours?”

“They're not my ghosts,” Stan corrected, and he yawned hugely.  “I dunno, can't hear a thing. Maybe the curse just wore off?”

Ford shrugged.  “We could turn the disruptor off to check.”

“No way.”  Stan yawned again.  “At least not until I actually get some sleep here.”

“Sure, sure.  Why don't – you mean here here?” Ford looked down, surprised.  Stan was lying down right on the deck, folding his arms under his head for a pillow.  “Stan, your back is going to stiffen up if you do that and you'll be in no shape for your chores around the Stan O' War.”

“Even better,” Stan mumbled, closing his eyes.  “Wake me when you...”  The rest of his sentence was lost in a snore.

Ford smiled and got up to retrieve the fishing pole.  It had fallen on the deck and the line had snapped, but the actual pole was still in place.  He brought it down to the cabin, found Stan's orthopedic back pillow, and brought it back up.  After he made Stan as comfortable as he could, he took up his post in the wheelhouse and checked to make sure they were still on course.  He supposed he could do the evening chores tonight, too.  

A/N: I DID IT GUYS FORDUARY IS DONE!!!

Wait...Forduary is done?!  NOOOOOO!

Thanks again to Mubfsw.  I wanted to finish Forduary in the actual month of Forduary, and the only reason that happened was because Mubfsw gave me an awesome idea.  Thanks again, Mubfsw!  

[jermapliermiku]

HEAR ME OUT, gravity falls movie bro. animated ofc about how bill comes back through the power of his cults around the world. I mean come ON THAT SOUNDS AMAZING. I would like to see a scene where Ford, Stan, Mabel and soos on the stanowar boat getting attacked by a crazy dragon sea creature and Stan says a funny line like 'but her aim is getting better!' Ford 'no time to jooke :('