#staircase wit

[yesterdaysprint]

Courier-News, Plainfield, New Jersey, November 10, 1936

[bellepeppertronix]

The only appropriate response would be, "Ah, a poppyseed muffin. The poppy is the flower of sleep, of forgetfulness, of pain-ease, after all. You look as if you could use some of that.

That will be $12.75 please."

Do you think the characters in Hannibal ever just want to have a normal conversation? Like, just once, Will would like to be able to answer ‘how are you’ with ‘not bad’, or ‘fine’, or even ‘bit shit, honestly’. But he can’t because he’s living in high gothic melodrama and so has to say ‘like a cow, watching from her pen as her calf is led away by the farmer, believing all to be well but deep down, harbouring a doubt, a seed of fear and resentment that will one day grow to take over her mind like the creeping incursion of kudzu into a peaceful garden’

God can you imagine working the starbucks drive through window when literally any Hannibal character comes through? ‘Hi, how are you today?’ ���My brother haunts me, always laughing in the recesses of my mind, no matter what happens I can never escape the scars he has left on me, like the lines a butcher marks out on a freshly slaughtered hog before he pulls out his knives. I’ll have a soy vanilla latte and a poppyseed muffin.’

[scrmnviking]

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum Dinner

Had a bizarre experience yesterday.

I was driving my wife to dinner and we pulled up to a red light. The guy in the car on the passenger side started yelling to us:

"You look like you'd vote for Trump!"

He was a white male, 50s-60s, graying.

I am 51, but read late 30s and wear aloha shirts. My wife is also young looking. She has a partially shaved head and green hair. Think LoL Jinx, but shorter hair. I have an Obama sticker still on my car.

We're in Los Angeles.

"You gonna vote for Trump?"

I stared at him

"No, we're not idiots."

And then he just started to continue with "You're Trump voters!" and "Ha ha, green hair!" and other things generally G rated and... mocking, I guess?

We rolled up the window because life is too short to suffer fools.

The truly odd thing was it didn't seem mean. He was invested, sure, but like a salesman getting through the pitch to go on his smoke break. A perfume sprayer at the mall on Tuesday before closing. The unhoused guy with a mental issue having an argument with himself that he's lost a dozen times.

Yeah, he was a troll. Yeah, he just wanted a reaction which he got, even if it was small. But why bother? But what was his end game? Was he hoping I lost my shit and pulled him out of the car to wail on his ass? Get in a drag race (not the kind with mimosas)? Oh no, random stranger, please let me appease you by assuring I will vote for a convicted rapist and felon who steals from child cancer charities.

It's run in my head more than I'd like it too: other things I could have said. Devastating comebacks. L'esprit de l'escalier. Treppenwitz. Snappy comebacks to stupid questions. Insightful analysis. Glorious FPS violence.

My wife blew it off and told me something insightful.

"I think it just shows they're all scared."

So, my fellow Sane Americans, take heart and take heed. We've got a load of scared MAGAts out there losing their shit, desperate and scared because they can see themselves soaring into history as a wastepaper basketball three-pointer, nothin' but net. Although this goes against my Gen X soul, the best move is to be kind but firm. Their cult has told them we want to eliminate them (TBH, some truth in that), but the less we feed that, the less we get them strapping stump removers to their vests and going to a crowded place.

Get ready for the next 3 yrs or so, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

[missedstations]

"Staircase wit” - Rhiannon McGavin

[memoriesoftheresa]

https://player.vimeo.com/video/60874355?h=c871ca117a

View the clips of Theresa Duncan shown at her memorial in New York, 12/2007 by copying and pasting the link at the top of the page. Thanks to Theresa's long time friends Wilbur King for allowing the use of clips from his film "Charlotte Goes Swimming," and Raymond Doherty for editing the clips to make this memorial film.

[urgentkettle]

Ah yes, time delay comebacks. A few other languages have words/phrases for the phenomenon:

a perfect comeback or witty remark that one frustratingly comes up with only when the moment for doing so has passed

French: l'esprit d'escalier

German: Treppenwitz

English: Escalator Wit or Staircase Wit

Pros of having a brain that makes very fast associations: Good comebacks and jokes.

Cons of having a brain that makes very fast associations: that story about how you broke your foot reminded me of a fun fact about lizards.

[bloomburnburial]

the baseline level of stress I feel at home remains unsustainable and yet we will continue to endure

[leslieseveride]

lucy chen staircase reveal when, hm? WHEN???

[i-wanna-b-yours]

I will murder my roommate one day hahahahahah

[birdstooth]

Me when I wake up in the middle of the night bc I thought of the perfect response to something someone said 3 months ago

SEBASTIAN STAN as BUCKY BARNES The Falcon and The Winter Soldier (2021)

[svtskneecaps]

btw we're dancing ever closer to a large milestone so. congrats. this is terrifying. where did you people come from. how are you still here.

[sheltiechicago]

Wall with yellow 'stairway' by Jan van der Wolf

[puppybong]

the axiom of equality

[tornbluefoamcouch]

Artista: Dot Hacker Álbum: Inhibition Ano: 2012 Faixas/Tempo: 10/51min Estilo: Indie/Experimental Rock/Dream Pop Data de Execução: 26/06/2023 Nota: 8,0 Melhor Música: The Wit of the Staircase

[soapssuds]

stubborn heart ch. 2

yan!capitano x wife!reader

summary | or in which capitano is told he needs a wife. and he begrudgingly agrees.

she/her pronouns are used, changed to 2nd pov

forgot the taglist, sorry about that

@nas-ha @simp-simp-no-mi @emmathecouchpotato4583 @sendria @riotakire @lvtuss @kreishin @floffytofu

previous | next

The moment your eyes cracked open you immediately noticed that everything was different. Namely your surroundings. Sitting up slowly, you held the blanket close to your chest, your eyes wide as you took everything in.

The bed that you were laying was big, the mattress way squishier and more comfortable than the one you were used to. Don’t get anything wrong here, Arlecchino always made sure that all of the children in the house of the hearth were taken care of, but servants like you who didn’t take up the fatui mantle were usually given less than stellar rooms, beds, and such. Not that you minded, of course, you knew that the ones who were actual fatui needed things more.

Slowly but surely, you got out of the bed. Your bare feet gently touching the cold ground. You flinched slightly at just how cold the tile was before fully standing up and looking around. There was a closet, a dresser, a second dresser with a mirror on it, you had a nightstand on each side of your bed, and to the far right were the windows. The curtains were a type of blackout cloth to keep any light from filtering in so you couldn’t tell the time of day unless you went to open the curtain which was also how you noticed there wasn’t a clock in the room. And finally, to the far left was the door to leave the room.

Making sure the blanket was tightly wrapped around you as you had noticed that you had been changed into your nightgown, you had made your way to the door. Grabbing onto the doorknob, you slowly twisted it and opened the door. Your head then peaking out into the hallway. Empty. Not a soul in sight.

Taking a deep breath, you fully opened the door and stepped out.

“Might as well explore.”

You had already figured that this was Lord Capitano’s home.

Deciding to go right, you took careful steps as you traversed down the hall, your eyes still wide with curiosity as you looked at everything. And, not looking where you were going, you had made a turn, but the moment you did you had immediately ran into someone.

Stumbling back a bit, you quickly gathered yourself up and bowed to the person, “I’m so sorry, please forgive me!”

“…are you going to faint again?”

You tensed up immensely the moment the voice broke you out of your stupor. Shakily, you lifted your head, your lips pursing into a small pout as you looked up at Capitano. Out of all the people you had to run into and it just had to be him.

“No, Lord Capitano…the first time I fainted, I was merely caught off guard at the news of marrying a harbinger!”

“And the second time?”

“Well, you caught me off guard too…”

When you looked at him, you noticed how he seemed to be studying you. Most likely judging you since you had decided to walk out in your nightgown with a blanket wrapped around you.

“Do you wish for a ceremony?”

Completely disregarding what you had said, he moved onto the next topic. Not that you minded, you were grateful that he didn’t want to discuss your fainting any longer.

“No, a ceremony isn’t needed.”

“Then follow me.”

He turned on his heel and for a moment, you wondered if he was coming to see you before you had run into him. Shaking your head, you chased after him, his long strides were a bit hard to keep up with.

“Don’t trip on the blanket,” he suddenly said as you both cam eto a winding staircase.

“Alright,” your voice was barely above a whisper as you followed him down, but, despite your assurance, your foot got caught on the end of the blanket. Your eyes widened for a split second just as your body started to go forward, but the motion was quickly stopped when you felt an arm wrap around your waist.

“Clumsy.”

The single word made your ears, neck, and face burn with embarrassment as Capitano simply picked you up with ease and carried you bridal style down the rest of the stairs, and when you thought he was going to set you down, he merely kept walking with you secure in his arms.

“Sorry,” you managed to mumble.

Sadly, you were known for your clumsiness back at the hearth along with other misfortunate things.

Capitano, didn’t acknowledge your apology, but did hold you a little closer as he cam eup to the dining room. The table was long, but there were only two chairs. Capitano’s chair which you figured was seated on the end with a second chair (probably yours) that was seated to his right. At these chairs were two documents.

“Marriage papers,” he said simply as he walked over to them and set you down in the chair before he took his own seat.

You looked down at them, a part of you still couldn’t believe that you were marrying the 1st harbinger, Il Capitano.

Untucking one of your arms from the comfort of the blanket, you grabbed one of the two pens.

“Before you sign, I want to make a few things clear.”

You continued to look down at the documents, and he was not going to have it.

“Look at me when I talk to you.”

His voice held a sort of demanding tone to it as he reached for you, his gloved fingers hooking around your chin as he turned your head to look at him, the claws on his gloves lightly dug into your skin, causing you to wince slightly.

“No harm will come to you here unless you try to betray me. Though, Arlecchino has made it clear that she will deal with you herself if that were to happen.”

You nodded despite his tight grip on your face.

“You will not get in my way, or cause trouble. Do not expect anything from me as I will not expect anything from you.”

You nodded as he spoke, and just as he finished you decided to ask your own question, “will I be doing any sort of work?”

“There is no need for that, just do as a wife does and do not annoy me. And if you plan to leave our home, I expect to be notified before you do so.”

Do not annoy him? With how you keep fainting and even tripping a few minutes ago, you highly doubted that you hadn’t annoyed him already. (You had missed the part where he had already referred the big mansion as “our”…)

“Understand?”

“I understand.”

He let go of your face, as you brought yourself to look at the papers again. And with a steady breath, you began to sign them while taking notice that Capitano’s signature was already on all the parts that needed to be signed.

Seems like he was already prepared to marry you- no. He probably had these papers ready way before you were chosen to be his wife. It was just a matter of whose name would be next to his on these documents. It didn’t have to be you.

“Done.”

You set the pen down as Capitano took the papers and sifted through them.

Nodding, he stood up, papers in hand, and you watched him carefully. Though, surprisingly he stopped to look down at you. You both seemingly caught in a silent stare off, you weren’t sure what he was looking for. Though, everything seemed to stop when he lifted his free hand to his helmet. There was a small click sound and his helmet seemed to loosen, and slowly but surely he had pulled his helmet off.

Your eyes were immediately drawn to his face.

“Stay still,” he said as he leant down, and you froze. His free hand cupped your cheek almost tenderly as he tilted your head back. Panicking on the inside, you were quick to shut your eyes tight, and not even a second later did you feel his lips press against your own.

Though, the kiss was merely a peck before he was pulling away from you. Honestly, the kiss itself was so quick you couldn’t register just how it felt as he was already putting his helmet back on.

“At weddings, the bride and groom kiss, and as you won’t be having the typical wedding ceremony, that should suffice.”

You raised a hand to your face, your fingers gently brushing your lips as Capitano left you in the dining room. (He was mostly going to file the marriage with the officials in order to make the “wedding” legitimate.)

“He says not to expect anything from him, and yet…he still kissed me…even though he didn’t have to.”

You never kissed anyone before. Never dated either. So to still be granted a kiss even despite the fact that you will never have the wedding you always dreamed about, well, it still made you incredibly happy that even your heart managed to skip a beat.

[bitter69uk]

Born on this day 122 years ago: eccentric British character actress par excellence of stage, film, and television Elsa Lanchester (28 October 1902 - 26 December 1986). Lanchester is exceptional in movies like Ladies in Retirement (1941), The Spiral Staircase (1946), Witness for the Prosecution (1957) and Bell, Book and Candle (1958) but of course, achieved true cinematic immortality in the title role of 1935 horror classic The Bride of Frankenstein - so isn’t it perfect she was born in the lead-up to Halloween? Her long partnership with actor / director Charles Laughton was one of Hollywood’s greatest “lavender marriages.” She's also one of Catford’s most famous residents!