#spn Purgatory

[slytherintothedms]

"I think too much heart was always castiel's problem" is said by the angel samandriel, while looking dean right in the eyes

[sweetonsugden]

I never thought of it that way

[rivers-oc]

Purgaygory

[sleepywillow-trees]

New art piece in progress ❤️❤️ I love how much Dean cared about cas In purgatory

[ananke-xiii]

little convoluted thought that ends beautifully, I promise.

So Purgatory Dean/Benny and Summer of Love/Demon!Dean Dean/Crowley stories are structurally very similar and I would even go as far as saying that they are the fundamentally the same but I can't because Dean/Crowley is a deterioration of Dean/Benny in the sense that while Benny did indeed help Dean, even though he had an ulterior motive, their relationship was based on more or less equal footing (Dean had more power in their dynamic) and respect of the terms of agreement.

Both stories have two more characters in them, i.e. Sam and Cas but their function is not the same. While Sam's is a sort of wake-up call for Dean to go back to reality, Cas is the one who bookends these two stories. Both Purgatory arc and Demon!Dean arc are closed when Dean and Cas reunite.

Now.

These two arcs are basically about Dean escaping reality. Which means he doesn't like his reality and probably needs/wants something more, different or for the first time out of it. Purgatory is pure and easy, Crowley's summer of love is fun and free. And yet they both REALLY end when Cas is back into the picture.

Mmmmm.

The fact that Dean wants/needs more and that his heart desires something he can't or doesn't want to admit is not something I'm making up. This is literally the core theme of both s10 and 11. S8 Purgatory is about the realization that there is indeed something that Dean needs and perhaps even wants (he's very adamant about it in Purgatory where he could feel "pure" and where purity means black and white mentality and free killing) but s9 tells him that he can't have that. Not having all of his wants and needs met dangerously leads Dean to a dark path from s9 onwards when he tries to symbolically go back to Purgatory via Mark of Cain (black and white mentality, more black than white lol, free killings without guilt, fake and consuming feeling of being in control of your life if you only have that ONE thing.... ((the blade, the imaginary lover, the stripper etc))). Of course it doesn't work because Purgatory was real but it was also a different place than the everyday world where its rules don't apply (no free killing for you here, Dean. Well, more or less, only your usual).

S11 pointedly ends with Amara telling Dean she gave him something that he needs, his mother. Which is true for all human beings: maternal love is indeed the primary need to be nurtured and cared for. So Amara did learn one thing or two about humans after all. And since we're here, she presumably didn't have to give Dean what he wanted because he could get it himself.

Because if his stints in Purgatory and demonhood were Dean looking for something he needed and wanted that ended when Dean reunited with Cas... and now Dean got what he needed because Amara didn't have to give Dean what he wanted because he could get it by himself... Would that mean?! Yeah, it does.

We're back again to "the one thing I want I know I can't have". It's always about desire, not limited to the physical sense but desire for that something or someone that you want. And maybe even get.

Which made me think of this beautiful poem by Fyodor Tyutchev (ACTUALLY, thinking about this poem made me think of the rest, so this post should be read end to beginning lol):

The Dull Flame Of Desire

I love your eyes, my dear,

their sparkling dancing fire

as they suddenly rise

to embrace everywhere

like lightning in the wilderness -

but there's a stronger charm

when your eyes are lowered

during passionate kisses

and in their downcast lashes

glows the dull flame of desire.

[humnooshop]

Location: Purgatory

Hoodie and other products are available on my Redbubble :)

[destiel-wings]

If you could add a supernatural episode what season would you add it to and how would it go (besides the obvious of fixing the finale)

Oh that's such a good question, thank you!!

I have two different ideas for this actually.

One, I would've loved to see a fluffy episode set probably in s13, with Dean, Cas, Sam & Jack doing something domestic/mundane, like finally taking a weekend off to drive to the beach, toes in the sand. Immediately I thought it was impossible for the show to put something so fanfictionesque into the show, except... they could've easily turned it into a funny episode. Like something happens at that beach, some marine witch/monster or a cursed object or anything and weird things begin to happen. But the most important thing would've been... the vibes of the episode. Like, in the wonderful lost beach episode that now lives in my head they were doing something nice & fun all together as a family, and there would've been no horrible drama or consequences... at least for one day. I'm thinking of the vibes of 15x14 Last Holiday (but that episode doesn't feature Cas!!!! And I'll never forgive them for it).

My second idea, i would've loved to see an extra episode in s8 all set in Purgatory, where we follow Dean (and Benny) and really get to see what kind of routine and dangers they faced there. We know Dean stayed there for one year, searching for Cas. Damn. That's A LOT OF TIME. And it's not clear (or at least as in now i don't remember) how much of that time Dean has spent alone, and how much with Benny. Anyway, i think Purgatory is one of the most interesting -and underdeveloped- storylines and i would've loved to see more of it. I'm thinking of an episode entirely set there, told in a series of disconnected scenes that cover the arch of one year and give us a more specific idea of what happened. Where did Dean sleep? What did he eat? What other kinds of monsters hid in the dark? How does the weather work there? And, more importantly, how much was it clear that he missed Cas and longed to find him? What were his thoughts, his rage outbursts towards poor Benny, and what did Dean tell him about the angel they were searching? The one they couldn't seek immediate salvation for? I'm thinking nights around a campfire, with screams in the background and Dean's ache for Cas so visible even in the dark. I'm thinking badass fights in the forest, with angst and survival. I have the vibes of this whole thing so clear in my mind, now, gaah. I need it now.

Ask me more questions if you want <3

[fandom-hoarder]

Ok, having an mpreg!sam thought after rewatching The Werther Project yesterday. @supernaturalkickparty bestie this has so much angst potential

Remember that thing about Sam and Dean being sent to purgatory while Sam is pregnant? that I still haven't gotten back to

What if Dean finds a way in, using Purgatory like a type of cage. Sam, of course, is secretly pregnant-- there hasn't been a good time to tell Dean in all this, and he's been worried telling Dean would have the opposite effect of what Sam wants; that Dean would be more adamant on locking himself away rather than finding a reason to keep fighting to stay. But then he figures out Dean's plan, and shows up just in time to get caught up in the rift, and they're both sent to Purgatory.

It's a very different Dean to the one from that ask, though. It's late stage moc!Dean, and even if the freedom to kill in Purgatory helps redirect the abusive explosions, when Sam finally confesses he's pregnant-- and he hasn't felt the baby move in awhile-- Dean is Not Nice About It. It's out of fear, but the Mark doesn't allow for much nuance. It all comes out as rage.

[cottagegorevampy]

it’s 5am and i’m rewatching s8 spn just to feel something

[roxyandelsewhere]

purgatory supernatural if they weren't cowards (brought to u by William Blake in The Marriage of Heaven and Hell)

[slytherintothedms]

jackles’ texan accent coming out around ty olsson (benny) is the best thing to come out of purgatory

[cas-dyke]

thinking about how dean needed him and sam got a dog

[scrivenette]

SPN S8Ep5: Blood Brother

Last night, for the first time in a very long time, I re-watched “Blood Brother.” I have observations:

1) When Dean and Benny get into the dinghy to go over to Prentiss Island, Benny talks about not knowing what is real, and Dean gives him the “This is real. We are.” speech that Cas gives Dean later in the series. I never realized that before. Oh Dean, your heart breaks for Benny, you want him to succeed in this world, and you want to save him so much!

2) The purgatory flashback in which Benny and Cas get into an argument is extra funny when Dean says to the two of them, “You two are killing me!” Like, yes, dude, they’re fighting over *you*, their baby; deal with it!

3) Later in another purgatory flashback, Benny saves Cas and then gives him a hand up off the ground. All I could think was that Benny knows Dean loves Cas and so therefore Benny will save Cas for Dean. And, of course, the opposite is true as well. It’s obviously a moment of recognition for each of them. Dean has no idea what a prize princess he is for them both. 🙂

4) When Dean, Benny, and Cas get to the portal, Dean slices open his and Benny’s forearms and they grip each other tight so that Dean can be raised from Pur . . . gatory. So Benny is to Dean in Purgatory as Cas was to Dean in Hell.

5) I love that, at the end of the episode, if you watch carefully, you can see Benny looking past Andrea, and giving Dean the slightest of nods to kill her. And later, if you weren’t watching carefully, when Benny asks Dean why he did “it”, for a moment, we are set up to think that the Benny is asking Dean why he killed Andrea. But that isn’t it at all, of course. The silent understanding between Dean and Benny is the equal of that between Dean and Cas. It kills me every time.

6) Benny has beautiful blue eyes, just like Cas does. Apparently, Dean has a type.

[sweetonsugden]

Can we just talk about the fact that Castiel spent a year, A YEAR, running from Leviathans.

Leviathans that HATED Castiel. He didn’t even have a weapon. Didn’t even have a battle buddy.

He survived all that time. All so he could keep Dean safe.

Benny spent a year just watching dean desperately look for Castiel all over purgatory, praying every night, refusing to leave without his angel

proceeded to be really mad at Cas for abandoning Dean only to be told Cas left to draw the monsters away from dean so he would be safe and realized the angel is even worse than dean

and promptly slipped out of the love triangle

[ananke-xiii]

Betrayal&Fidelity in Purgatory

I've never been fully convinced that Dean modified his memories because his grief was just too much to bear and I've always been quite let down by the idea that Cas felt like he had to do penance for his sins. It's all too lukewarm for me so I went looking for other interpretations and oh boy. So, here's what I've come up with.

Cas and Dean are in Purgatory because they killed Dick Roman together and they did so because Dean asked Cas to go with him cursed or not. And Dean asked Cas to because Cas didn't want to. And Cas didn't want to because he regained his memories back, realized what he had done during his Godstiel arc and declared himself unable, cursed and useless. However, thanks to Dean Winchester's great power of persuasion, he was convinced to join the fight against the Leviathans because he detected a note of forgiveness in Dean's voice.

S7 Dean's and Cas' relationship boils down to this: Cas has forgotten everything while Dean can't stop thinking about what happened (the trenchoat moved from car to car is a nice visual symbol for this). When Cas is found out to be alive Dean is very torn between relief and... resentment. He seems to be quite angry at Cas not because of what Cas had done but because Cas had forgotten about it and had later decided he wasn't gonna do anything to fix what he had broken. In other words, Cas was refusing to remember his betrayal, more specifically his betrayal against Dean. And Dean wants him to remember. Cas told him he was going to find a way to redeem himself and then he died. And then he came back. And he didn't remember a thing. And when he did he was in clear denial and was planning on doing absolutely nothing of import to redeem himself besides making sandwiches.

Has Cas really betrayed Dean in s6? Mmmmmh. I'm not so sure. Does Dean feel betrayed by Cas? Absolutely yes. Does Cas feel like he betrayed Dean? Well, at first no but Dean did his best to make him understand that he did and so he did understand it. And so betrayal it was.

Now, in S8 Purgatory and beyond roles get reversed. Cas and Dean take the meaning of Purgatory in a very different way.

Cas does what Dean wanted him to do: he remembers. In fact, he takes remembering to a whole new level and decides to keep carrying his sin by going solo in Purgatatory fighting the monsters he had inside. Literally. Nice symbolism. In other words, he does penance.

And what does Dean do? He forgets. He's so imbued with what he perceives as the "purity" of Purgatory (which is what "purgatory" means so we really can't blame him if he felt that) that he frees himself of whatever happened before he got there. Now he has one goal in mind: find the angel.

Dean eventually alters his own memories to remember it like he wanted to: he didn't leave Cas behind, he didn't fail him. Cas let go. And, in a way, he didn't erase anything because Cas did let go. Just not physically but emotionally and that's what Dean couldn't bear to remember.

Cas was, once again, unfaithful to him. What?! Yes.

See, a paradox of betrayal is... fidelity.

Betrayer and betrayed are in such a profound bond (eheh) that they need to keep the betrayal alive by constantly remembering it. They can't let go and if one of the two parties does they are committing infidelity.

Truth be told, Dean didn't give two shits about Cas doing penance for his sins against heaven and earth: he cared that he did penance for the crimes committed against him.

So Cas letting go meant that he broke their unconscious vow to be faithful to one another.

He broke the connection (with Dean).

A Cas without Dean is a Cas ready to be reaped by Heaven. And so Cas enters a new abusive cycle of remembering and forgetting, remembering and forgetting by Naomi's brain drilling. Until Dean makes him remember (just like Cas made him remember what happened in Purgatory) and Cas broke another connection (with Heaven) but he also realizes that he will never get free of his past if he stays with Dean. He must protect the tablet (himself) from Dean. And so Cas leaves, he lets go of Dean. Again.

Of course this is not the right path because ultimately Cas thinks he can atone for his sins by... dying. He can reach purification in death. Castiel is indeed the Sam Winchester of the angels.

Thing is that Dean is very, very mad at Cas (this is showed twice in S9 too and once in S10) but he wants Cas to stay without acknowledging (with himself first and with Cas second) why he can bear to have around the guy who broke his brother's brain and for whom he spent one year in Purgatory only to be rejected by said guy (spoiler alert: it's because of love. Dean needs to keep the betrayal experience alive otherwise he will have to face the hard truth: he's in love... with an angel).

On the other hand, Cas feels very ambivalent towards Dean and he wants to stay away from him but he won't acknowledge why he needs to do so (spoiler alert: it's also because of love. Cas needs to let the betrayal experience die otherwise he will have to face the hard truth: he hurt the person he loves. Cas' self-harm inflicting tendencies are at their best by the end of s10 when he declares his allegiance and love to Dean in the moment he very well knows he will never get reciprocation: it's his "safest" option).

To sum it up, the phantom of betrayal must always hang around between Dean and Cas so that the other side of it can be concealed: love. However, by virtue of betrayal's paradox, their insistence on refusing to address this ghost shows how faithful and unfaithful they are to one another, howcommitted they are, how they are almost... married.

More on Cas as the betrayer: the betrayer keeps his fidelity by admitting he has betrayed, by refusing to forget it. They have to do so otherwise the wider context of love is missed. If the betrayer fails to do so they keep wronging the other person and they keep cutting themselves off from self-forgiveness. And so Cas, by refusing to acknowledge his betrayal specifically towards Dean, keeps hurting him and keeps himself in a vicious cycle of self-harm.

This is why "The Trap" feels like it missed something to me: we the audience actually know why and how Dean operates, we know he has forgiven Cas inexplicably (to Dean) since s6. Dean telling Cas in Purgatory that he forgave him was something that... we had already seen.

I would have found it more interesting if Cas told Dean something there and no, it didn't have to be his happiest moment ever, it would have possibly been his worst (and it could have been a good thing: sometimes bad moments are actually good moments): he could have admitted to his infidelity in their perverted version of marriage where the Scariest Thing (betrayal) actually constituted the foundations of their binding contract. It could have been a stepping stone towards "Despair".

There is much more to say because I have only touched upon the "love side" of the betrayal/fidelity dynamics. The other is power and it's possibly an even more interesting angle.

[kitsune024]

Supernatural Fanfiction

A Jungle Full of Hunger by tameimpala

Searing white hot anger pulsated through his entire body. Dean wanted nothing more than to sink his own teeth into the monster’s arm in revenge and finally taste something. After all, it was an eye for an eye. Or in this case- an arm for an arm.

The only food source in Purgatory is Dean, but what if he developed his own taste for the creatures who hunted him?

Set post-season seven and during season eight- AU canon divergence

Chapters 16/16