#splitting image but idk where he got that eye color from

[thepettymachine]

Davey aged up to a toddler

[showrunnerihardlyknowher]

Idk about you but that trope where a giant gets angry and accidentally scares a tiny and feels bad abt it afterwards makes me go absolutely feral,,

So, originally, I was planning for this scene to be in a future chapter of This Is Nothing Like The Disney Star Wars Trilogy, but I could never really think of a full story arc around it, even though I still really really really love this idea. In any case, if I happen to brainstorm a better plot and find a way to squeeze this in I might edit it into the main story, otherwise enjoy some classic Giant Catboi and Twink Solider fearplay >:3c

--

“Do you have any idea how dangerous that was!?”

As expected, the little one did not respond to his rhetorical question, though his tone certainly helped snap it out of its previous stupor as it released its death grip on his shirt in favor of squirming as soon as the bedroom door slid shut behind him. His aggravation at the situation was clear as day even without the usual language and cultural barrier that impeded any sort of deeper relationship Edix tried to form with the human. Red ears were still folded back against his curls and his shoulders tense, the stiff posture traveling down to his hands were they gripped the earthling to his chest perhaps just a touch more tightly than usual, not that it prevented it from trying to push and wriggle itself out of his overprotective hold.

Fuck no, he wasn’t ready to let it go yet, not when flecks of blood were still smeared against his knuckles as a result of an impromptu rescue mission. The satisfying snap of cartilage under his fist after one good sucker punch to Talan’s smug face still echoed in his mind, blood gushing from the surely broken nose while the biologist stumbled backwards into the shelves. Edix wondered if he would be reprimanded for that by the directors later, or if Talan would be too proud to report the ass kicking, maybe even taking the lesson to heart to not fuck with his things in the future. And yes, that included trying to vivisect his sweet little pet.

How was I supposed to know the stray belonged to you? He had asked with sarcastic innocence, as if the human in question hadn’t been seen with Edix a thousand times before, and wasn’t drenched in his scent, and didn’t have his ID code printed on the back of its little suit, Maybe if you weren’t such a wuss and actually put it on a shorter leash-

Asshole. He was lucky Edix’s only goal at the moment was to get the little one off the table and back to the appropriate sector rather than rip Talan to shreds with his own tools. A taste of his own medicine, perhaps. Still, he admittedly did have a point about the human, what with how much it would run off and get lost and damn near killed. He simply couldn’t figure out what was so terrible about staying in his company that the little one would risk injury and mutilation in a foreign environment as opposed to the safety and comfort he so desperately tried to provide for it. They might have had a bit of a rocky start, sure, but stars above that was far in the past now. There’s nothing either of them can do to change the facts so why not accept things as they are and make some type of effort to be happy in this new life? By all accounts, Edix was a great owner!

And yet, the little one still fought him every step of the way. Even now, having just saved it from a fate of having its tiny organs sliced while it was wide awake, it made it known it did not want to be near him anymore. It might have been clinging to him the entire walk back to the bedroom, but it must have remembered it was supposed to be oblivious to the notion of genuine love and safety because now it started to stutter out little squeaks on top of struggling. Normally, Edix adored any and all of the sounds it made, especially when it was directly trying to talk to him which only served to give him the mental image of a pup mindlessly babbling before they managed their first few words. This time, however, it only worsened his irritation.

“Stop.” He ordered, which the human somewhat complied with, though it probably had more to do with his harsher tone and the fact that he was already lowering his hand towards the bed to set it down. As soon as it was free of his hold, it scrambled back, looking at him with those wide brown eyes that were full of so much fear it made him sick. Why did it have to be so afraid of him? What could he have possibly done that even now, almost a cycle later, it was still overtly wary of his intentions. All he ever did was care for it. Feed it, pet it, cuddle it, protect it, and still nothing was good enough!

With a tired sigh, he rubbed his hand down his face and resisted the urge to tug at his hair. “I just don’t understand,” he pleaded, begging some cosmic being out there to suddenly grant the little one the power to understand what he was saying, “what can I possibly do to prove to you that I’m not going to hurt you? I’m trying to keep you alive and it’s like...I don’t know, you resent me for that or something!”

The sweet thing looked more confused at his words than anything, but he could tell his body language and voice were making it uneasy. The human was used to soft words and purrs and slow movements, rarely any agitation in his being. After a beat of silence marked by an intense stare down, Edix gave up on hoping the earthling would miraculously explain itself and open up to sharing its thoughts on the matter. He reached for it and it instinctively back up, flinching when a growl rumbled in his throat in response.

“Stop running,” it was a fruitless endeavor, but like hell if he wouldn’t stop trying. That was how new pups learned how to understand a language anyways, wasn’t it? To repeat certain words over and over until they got the idea? Maybe that’s all he needed to do here, maybe by now it already knew the Venandi words for no, stop, be good, and so on. He reached for it again and it did the same thing as last time, always sure to stay just out of the most convenient reach. Not that it mattered how much it inched away seeing how it was trapped on the bed with Edix directly in front of it, but it was the principal of the matter.

And it was then that something inside him snapped. Something primal as a result of dealing with an unruly pup far too long for his nerves to handle at this moment. He wasn’t even aware of his actions, belatedly realizing how he pounced on the bed in a flash, the human scrambling to get away but only having enough time to turn around before being roughly pinned on its stomach against the mattress. His teeth were bared and pressed tightly against its back, fangs scraping against the layers of its clothes to no doubt bruise the tender flesh underneath, though thankfully they didn’t break the skin. A loud growl reverberated though its entire body, shaking it to its core.

“Enough.” He hissed against its back, keeping his teeth pressed into its skinny frame for a moment longer before pulling away. The second he did, his glare softened, all the anger he felt gone in an instant as soon as he saw the sight underneath him.

The poor thing was absolutely petrified.

It was probably the worst it’s ever been scared, arguably. Not even the first time they met, when it had so gracefully tumbled down that hill and landed face first in front of him, compared to the level of fear that radiated off it. A split-second thought had Edix wondering if he had legitimately scared it to death. Soon enough, though, he was able to pick up the minute tremors that shook through it, almost like an aftershock of the warning that it felt more than heard. It was pale, baby face devoid of color not unlike that time before when it had been sick with fever. But its eyes...those sweet little doe eyes he loved so much were wide and wet with a sheen of tears that refused to fall, locked in a blank stare straight ahead towards the wall and refusing to look at him.

A small, choked hiccup made its body twitch every couple of breaths, but it refused to open its mouth to allow any of these sniffles to turn into cries. Shit, it refused to move at all, too terrified of Edix’s threat display that if it did anything he didn’t like there would be dire consequences to pay. He supposed it worked exactly as intended, in that case. It was still, it was quiet, it was technically obeying him after he just forced it to behave via alternative punishment. That didn’t change the fact that he felt absolutely, terribly, extremely awful about what he just did.

It was just a pup, as he always said, regardless of what Ylva would tell him about human adolescence and such. It didn’t know any better, it had never been raised in these situations before and needed much longer than a measly cycle to unlearn all of its prey behaviors it needed to survive on its home planet. Besides, it wasn’t that it didn’t fully know that it was perfectly safe with Edix, it was smart enough to know he was at the very least the safest option when presented with any other Venandi. Edix had been upset, and it knew he was upset, so of course it would want to avoid a potentially hostile predator before-

--before it snatched the little one in its teeth.

Fuck, fuck, he was an idiot. Maybe he wasn’t as cut out for this as he thought, not like Ylva who was the very essence of motherhood. No. Now wasn’t the time for self doubts and pity, not when the human was in such a state. Slowly, hands cupped around its shaking form, mindful to make sure his fingers were in its view so it wouldn’t be any more startled when he lifted it up, not that he was completely sure it was actually seeing anything in front of it. The little one hardly reacted to the movement, laying limp when he pressed it against his chest and moved to sit up against the headboard of the bed in a similar fashion to what he had done the first night the poor thing was on the ship.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s okay,” he whispered to it, rubbing his thumb along the curve of its back just how it liked whenever it dozed, “you’re okay, we’re fine, it’s okay to cry. I’m sorry I scared you, I’m so sorry.”

Normally in these types of instances, he’d be purring and shushing the little sweetheart until he was able to get it down for a nap, but he had little confidence that any other types of chest vibrations would have its usual effect of making the human drowsy currently. When it finally started blinking again, the tears that had welled up ran freely down its cheeks, quickly biting down on its wobbling lip to prevent any sobs from escaping and get it in trouble for misbehaving. He softly clicked his tongue at it and cooed, anything to put it at ease with a softer demeanor. “I know, honey, I know. I won’t ever do that again, I promise."

Well, if nothing else, at least the little one’s apprehension of him wasn’t unfounded anymore, much to his dismay.

[snkpolls]

SnK Episode 61 Poll Results (for Manga Readers)

The poll closed with 359 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Manga Readers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll, click here. 

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RATE THE EPISODE 347 Responses

While this episode wasn’t as big of a hit as episode 60, overall most viewers still enjoyed the content and are looking forward to more next week!

amazing amazing! I'm so delighted with this season so far!

Im so beyond pumped i love everything

Dissapointing but acceptable.

I’m like angry I loved it so much.

I just wish we didn't have to wait a week

It was amazing. We all gotta apologize to MAPPA for ever doubting them.

It's a huge stepdown from episode 1. At times the animation was straight up painful to watch. My expectations were low and yet I'm still disappointed :/

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE SCENE/MOMENT? 349 Responses

Reiner-centric scenes were the highest on people’s radar, with 24.9% of respondents enjoying his reunion with the warrior cadets, and not far behind, 22.9% enjoyed Reiner bringing up the 104th at the dinner table. In third, with only 13.5%, was Pieck and Porco’s formal introduction to the audience. 

Hearing Zeke greet his grandparents with such happiness warmed my heart. I do believe that he loves them. 

They just had to add one last image of Ymir's broken face before she died, huh? :(

WE FORGOT TO ASK LAST WEEK D: WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SCENES/MOMENTS FROM EPISODE 60 WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 348 Responses

Last week we forgot to include what your favorite scenes were. The scene from episode 60 that got the most favor was Reiner’s, “I’m sick and tired… of walls” with 33.6% of the vote. 16.7% most enjoyed Zeke’s titan transforming scream. 14.9% were hyped about Reiner and Porco wrecking Fort Slava.

MAPPA WENT ALL OUT WITH THE CINEMATOGRAPHY IN THIS EPISODE. WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE CINEMATIC PANS AND ROTOSCOPE ANIMATION? 349 Responses

Overall, a total of 74.5% respondents have positive feelings about MAPPA’s use of rotoscope animation and camera panning. Some felt like it was akin to watching a movie, while others are just happy to have the dynamic movement. A smaller amount of respondents didn’t have feelings one way or another, and a minority (about 10.3%) really are not a fan of this type of animation style for the series.

It felt odd sometimes as they used it for long scenes (like Udo talking or Gabi telling the story to her family) but overall it was pretty great and I prefer it to WIT's stale animation during season 3

I liked the more dynamic movement during dialogue, but my roommate found it super awkward and off-model. So a fifty-fifty split in a sample size of two lol

It could have been animated better, but I like the extra dimension it gives to scenes

Enjoyed it a lot! However, there were a few scenes that felt a bit off, like some frames were missing. Specifically, when Udo was doing all those gestures while talking with the rest of the Warrior Candidates.

It felt dynamic to the point of looking unnatural - some gestures and expressions just moved wrong

i'm split, in some scenes it was great (like reiner waking up), but in the dialogue scenes the constant movement seemed kinda unnatural and distracting

It was amazing but at the same time I'd didn't look fluid enough, especially at Udo's mouvements which made the character look kind of...video game-ish in constant moving. 

I thought it looked great the rotoscoping,the movements all looked amazing

The animation during Urdu’s scene is so cool!  I was caught of guard at first though lol. It’s so realistic!

NOW THAT WE’VE GOTTEN TO HEAR A LITTLE MORE OF THE NEW OST TRACKS, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE SOUNDTRACK SO FAR THIS SEASON? 344 Responses

So far, reception to the newer music is overall positive. 31.1% are really enjoying the music and think the songs are being used immaculately, and 40.4% really feel that the song choice compliments the scenes they’ve been used in. 13.1% think the songs are good, but miss having that sole Sawano feel to them. 10.8% just feel the music is “ok” and 2.6% aren’t a fan of the new OST tracks so far. 

I mean it sounds good, but we haven't gotten to important moments that require a memorable track, so we'll see!

First episode slapped because it really complemented the scene but it's more... generic. I didn't like how it was used in this episode, there wasn't enough of it and again, generic. I miss Sawano's unreal scores.

the animation absolutely blew me away, and i love the intense music that played during Reiners monologue 

The music is fine.

I've heard both new and old songs from the previous seasons. Still too soon to make an opinion as we need to hear more.

I am deaf, I can't hear no damn soundtracks 

That music guys when they came back to Liberio and reuniting with they parents, made me tear up but also because the scouts never had the chance to go back home with victory in the arms of their family, I wish I could have seen EMA like this.. It kinda felt unfair X) but I was happy for them nevertheless.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE CLOSEUP OF ZEKE’S MOUTH? 346 Responses

Our first of probably too many crack questions in this poll, 32.7% thought the closeup of Zeke lighting his cigarette was cool looking. 21.4% are concerned about Zeke’s lung health. 19.1% are probably annoyed with us and simply don’t care (lol). 13.3% wouldn’t mind smooching Zeke, and 11% were just plain grossed out.

Does smoke even affect a titan shifter? Surely his lungs just heal themselves

ASMR for the eyes, right there. Aww yiss

It was awesome! Zeke is shown as relaxed person with a big drop of mystery. 

Smoking Bad but he is gonna die in a year anyway

Suuuuuuucc

It might've just been an artistic choice to include it in there, but i gotta say I'm oddly fascinated and idk why

I don’t remember it lol

I didn't even notice.

Zeke looks hotter than he has ever looked

WHAT’S YOUR OPINION ABOUT ELDIAN ASSES? 341 Responses

Most of the responses seemed to feel rather positively about Eldian asses, with almost 40% seeking out Zeke’s ass wiping technique. About 17% simply stated their appreciation for them, while almost 13% are just thirsty. In contrast, a little over 17% seemed confused to the question’s inclusion and about 10% were confused outright. 

MAPPA WHERE IS PIECK'S ASS

More into Eldian thighs, really

I bet Levi’s is nice

If only Eren had one

zeke has the energy of a straight man who doesn't wash his ass

Only Shadis' ass

GIVE IT TO ME 😏😏

They are like normal, human asses. Do not turn them into some magical, special snowflakes, just because they belong to Eldians. 

Seek help

Enough

DO YOU WANT REINER TO GIVE YOU A HEAD PAT? 343 Responses

A definitive majority, almost 59 percent, openly expressed enthusiasm for the prospect of a head pat from Reiner. However, a near 30% fraction of responders didn’t seem too happy about this recent chain of less than serious questions. We’re sorry about that. 😅. The rest either didn’t seem interested in said prospect or noted they wouldn’t care either way.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE DECISION FROM MAPPA TO CONDENSE REINER’S FLASHBACK INTO (PRESUMABLY) A SINGLE EPISODE? 346 Responses

It would appear that the majority of those who took our poll express cautious optimism at the prospect of seeing all (or the vast majority) of Reiner’s backstory being adapted into a single episode, with a near 47% supporting the move, thinking it could make the narrative “more coherent”. Almost 20% argue it would work better pacing wise. On the flipside, just over 17% state that they would rather have a more accurate adaptation to the manga. 11.6% simply say they have no opinion. There were also more than a few write-ins.

I do wish everything could be animated to full detail, but pacing and structure will benefit here

They've done a good job so far, so I'll reserve judgement until I actually watch it.

It will be difficult as they're chapters with loads of dialogue, but they can pull it off if unnecessary stuff gets cut out or changed in some type of way (like watching Marcel's death for the sixth time, them breaking through the wall or even Jean and Eren fighting) 

If they get the pacing right, then the rearrangement will be for the better.

Reiner flashbacks + Reiner suicide attempt + Falco meeting "Kruger" (more than 2,5 chapters) in a single episode? HELL NO! WTF MAPPA!  

Worried and cautiously optimistic.

At least it looks like they're going to stick to just one episode for the RBA flashback. It was mostly just filler anyway, so there was never any need to stretch it out and waste precious time getting back to the Paradis side of the story

I doubt that that's exactly how it is, but if so, then I don't think that that's a wise idea

It’s gonna be rushed as hell

Reiner flashback is very long and there is tons of dialogue, so I dont know how its going fit in only one episode, but if they can make it work then its fine for me

WHICH CHARACTER DESIGN DID YOU LIKE BEST IN COMPARISON TO THE MANGA? 346 Responses

This question gave us a somewhat evenly split pie chart, but Porco nonetheless managed to gain the bigger piece with just over 55%. Surely due to that bomber jacket and haircut. Nearly 45% picked Pieck (gottem) instead. Must have been the somewhat inconsistent nose. 

WHO’S SEIYUU DID YOU LIKE BEST? 335 Responses

On the flip side, 68.4% seemed to prefer Pieck’s soft voice. Porco with his (how the hell does Porco sound like… how can you describe his voice) managed to win the hearts of 31.6% of responses.

Pieck voice wtf? I imagined Pieck with a more Hanji-ish voice, not this sweet and high pitched.

DID MAPPA DO PIECK’S NOSE JUSTICE? 345 Responses

The debacle over Pieck’s POWERFUL nose gave us quite a colorful pie chart. Almost 39% of responses noted that Mappa was on point with Pieck’s nose for most of the episode. Afterwards, 26.7% stated that they thought that Mappa got it right only in some points of the episode. On the flip side, another 26.7% thought that Mappa was generally quite on point throughout the entire episode. A small minority (7.8%) thought that Mappa simply did a poor job. 

The animation is good, and while I don't want to complain, I have a small problem with the drawings themselves. I feel like they lack precision (like Pieck's nose, idk if that's clear).

I'm grateful for Pieck's nose. I always respected Isayama for drawing imperfect characters, because this way he has made them to look more realistic. Even though Pieck has so-called imperfect nose, she is still absolutely gorgeous. Her imperfections are part of what makes her beautiful and unique.

PORCO’S HAIR - WERE YOU TEAM RED HAIR OR BLOND HAIR? AND ARE YOU HAPPY WITH HIS ANIME COLOR SCHEME? 345 Responses

A far less controversial debacle concerned Porco’s hair scheme. The folks supporting a Blond color scheme were universally content with his hair color (all 57.4% of team Blond). On the flip side, an almost universal approval was also present from team Redhead (13.6% of those supported his blond hair color). 27.5% of the responses seemed to care not about this issue at all, however.

NOW THAT WE KNOW PORCO BETTER IN THE MANGA, DO YOU THINK HE WOULD HAVE *ACTUALLY* DONE A BETTER JOB THAN REINER IF HE HAD INHERITED THE ARMOR AND WENT TO PARADIS? 348 Responses

Porco inheriting the Armored Titan is a rather interesting what-if scenario. Perhaps of the most interesting as a whole, so it’s no surprise to see a rather divided opinion of those who took our poll. A little over 36% believe that Porco doing a better job than Reiner on Paradis is a definite possibility. Just over 24% believe it’s not likely Porco would have done better than Reiner. On the flip side, 21.6% think that is is likely Porco *would* have a more successful conduct on the island. 9.2% believe that Porco’s success is a given and in opposition to that, 8.9% think that Porco’s success would have been basically impossible.

HOW ABOUT IF PIECK HAD GONE TO PARADIS WITH THE WARRIORS? 346 Responses

Much less division here, however. 70.5% of responders believe that Pieck’s possible trip to Paradis (in the initial attack) would have not have resulted in a given “mission success” for the Warriors, although she would have been a rather useful ally. Nearly a quarter, on the other hand, think that Pieck’s inclusion would have ended the story right then and there. The rather small minority of the other responders think that Pieck would not have been useful had she participated in the mission.

GABI HAS ALWAYS BEEN A CONTROVERSIAL CHARACTER. HAS MAPPA BRINGING HER TO LIFE CHANGED YOUR FEELINGS TOWARD HER? 342 Responses

64.6% of respondents overall have positive feelings toward Gabi as of right now, with 39.5% having already been enjoying her character throughout the manga. 25.1% now view her more positively with her being brought to life. 20.2% don’t really care about Gabi either way, and 11.7% feel very negatively toward Gabi, without the anime swaying their opinions. 

Gabi still sucks

Sakura ayane as gabi is probably the best thing to happen to me all year

WITH SUCH A DIALOGUE-HEAVY ARC, CUTS WERE INEVITABLE. WHICH CUTS WERE YOU DISAPPOINTED IN, AND WHICH CUTS CAN YOU LIVE WITH?

Overwhelmingly, the scenes that were most missed by manga readers were “Pieck walking on all fours/scaring Porco”, “Zeke mentioning the Ackerman Clan”, “Reiner’s smirk when his family talks about ‘Island Devils’”, and “The imagery of Eren and Armin wrecking ships”. Smaller character details, such as Reiner mentioning how he acted like Marcel on Paradis, Gabi wishing to understand Reiner’s feelings, Falco pointing out how Reiner almost had the Armor taken from him, were also very missed by manga readers, although just less so. 

General Calvi talking about Zeke’s loyalty, Gabi getting praise from her parents when they reunite, and Magath trashing the Marleyan navy, were moments that many respondents didn’t feel strongly about one way or another, or felt that these were details that weren’t really needed anyway. 

Cutting the scene where Falcon talks about why Reiner kept the AT was really bad.  Also the table scene could have been better. Some imagery when Reiner was describing the 104th and his smirk.

The cuts the anime has done made the spectators less informed about some story background stuff. This is in order to direct attention to the marley's eldians planning how to overcome the world's disparagement towards the power of the titans. 

I'm sad they cut the gate guards. They humanize the marleyans a bit. Hope they add their scenes next episode and do them justice.

I hope we will get the Gabi/Reiner talk about understanding each other through PATHS when she eats him next episode

Gimme crawling best giiiirl

MAPPA cut Pieck's ass so this episode wouldn't be so ass centered with Zeke's ass wiping technique. This is my theory lol

Great episode but U was so looking forward to the Reiner scene talking about Paradis “devils”. In the mange it was a powerful scene really adding to the duality of Reiner and the pain he has, and the animation did not do it justice. Plus some parts of his speech were probably hard to understand for a non mange reader without the flashback. (Like which one is referring to Jean for example).  I really wish it had been better delivered

IS THERE ANY CHANCE WE’LL SEE SOME OF THESE CUTS ANIMATED IN A LATER EPISODE? 342 Responses

them into different scenes. Overall, the majority answered a big, fat, “maybe.” 15.8% are confident that what’s done has been done, and 12.6% are more optimistic that MAPPA will find a way.

Overall I was a bit disappointed. I feel like the amount of material cut from every conversation included really added up overall and gave it a very rushed feel to me. I really hope they add it all in later.

ON THE FLIP-SIDE, WHICH ADDITIONS/CHANGES DID YOU LIKE/DISLIKE?

The changes and additions that MAPPA made were overall viewed very favorably, with the scene of Porco and Pieck interacting with the warrior cadets being the most liked addition. This is followed closely by the overall character movement during dialogue scenes, the small detail about Pieck’s father being unwell, and Gabi shouting “Watashi!” on the train.

I loved the additional details made it very emotional

IT WAS A GREAT TIME TO BE GALLIPIECK TRASH

Sneakier Eren's a nice addition too

Porco my boiii I'm so happy he's here 💖💖💖💖 if mappa is adding some extra scenes then gimme more of gallirei 👀

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 338 Responses

Unsurprisingly, 42% of respondents are hyped about Kenny’s brief return and Annie’s unlikely encounter with him in the Underground. 22.2% are eager to get that sweet Reiner angst as he is rejected by his Marleyan father. 17.8% are looking forward to Reiner’s training days.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

great! it was inevitable they would cut stuff but it hasn't changed any major plot point or thing i would want to see desperately 

It was just really great to see the scenes animated, it adds another level of depth and understanding to the story I believe. 

Loved anime-onlies missing Eren completely. Some even thought it was him but then noticed the leg and thought against it

I think it was very well done. Just need a little getting used to with MAPPA on the reins now. I think MAPPA added some scenes to show how those Eldians over there are still just human after all and they have their own problems to deal with. 8/10 episode.

I feel like they took a lot of emotion way from reiner. made him seemed stoic and determined to go to the island even though in the make he looked scared about having to return. 

I thought the rotoscoping was really well done! I’m happy with the pacing, the fact that the episode felt like it went by fast is good considering it was dialogue based.

Incredible. The direction, the cinematic quality, we are feasting. MAPPA is elevating the story beyond anything I could have imagined! I'm beyond hyped for the rest!! But where is asshole Marley guards/Hobo!Eren's appearance as a favorite moment?!

Incredible, it adapts the source material very well while adding some touches that make it unique in it's own way. As a manga reader, I'm really glad that they're doing this because it feels like a completly different experience from reading it and makes me excited on what changes or directing choices they're going to make during the course of the season, great job so far MAPPA!

Such an amazing episode. Made 20mins feel like 5. MAPPA is doing fantastic. The characters have never felt more alive and the animation style is something I never knew I wanted until now. 

I can't believe they didn't cast Mads Mikkelsen to voice Mads Mikkelsen

The episode was good but the dinner scene didn't do justice to the manga. It didn't have the same feeling to it. I saw a lot of anime onlys thinking Reiner was just trying to talk shit about the 104th. I feel like the flashbacks during that part in the manga gave it a nostalgic feeling that helped convey what he truly felt about his time on the island. His facial expressions were not quite there either. Specially sad because it was the moment I was expecting the most this episode and because it's a big part of Reiner's character, maybe next episode can kind of fix this.

I haven't seen the anime only poll results, but given personal conversations with them I imagine quite a few could care less about the Warriors and are looking forward to the 104th showing up to stir shit up. Boy are those folks in for a treat :)

I knew I'd feel more attached to all of them once they got animated. I didn't expect getting real thirsty for Lainah.

I was so happy with how much detail MAPPA put into the background scenery. Also, I think that an underrated moment during this episode was the Marlian douchebag triggering the Eldian soldier’s PTSD. You could really feel their terror, and THEY KEPT THE HOBO EREN PART IM SO HAPPY!

Its consistently very pretty and well animated which is great of course, but I worry the team won’t be able to maintain this quality for some of the meatier scenes in the later episodes. The fast pace of the episode (compared to the manga) as well as the many cuts make it a bit harder for scenes to stick, I wish there was a bit more breathing room at times. This also makes the fancy animation and frequent rotoscoping cuts feel less impactful for me—with every scene being cut down to its core ingredients, and every scene having at least one cut with more motion and energy than we’re used to, I can’t help but feel it all kind of mashes together without sticking out as much, leaving less of an impact. (I feel really really weird actually complaining about good camerawork/animation, what the hell lol) Also hobo <3

Plenty of questions about ass but no questions about the full ED? Or how we thought the episode did at hiding Eren in plain sight?

rip Reiner's chocolate abs :'(

The episode wasn't as interesting as the first one. I was yawning from time to time. Yet, I think that Mappa did a great job, because it's hard to animate full of  dialogues chapters. I was disappointed of the fact that flashbacks from Paradis have been cut. I hoped to see Sasha, Connie, Ymir and Marco while Reiner was speaking about them. Without the flashbacks we just got the dry speech and this way hard to say what Reiner is really thinking about people he met on Paradis. We - as manga readers - already are aware of his feelings, but anime onlies may not know and see Reiner as cold hearted person. I'm not complaining over animations or the OST tracks because no studio is perfect and some small mistakes here and there won't destroy my fun. I just sit and enjoy the episode. 

Very good, with the exception of the dinner scene, in which the director missed the mark completely with the tone.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 328 Responses

Thank you again for participating! We’ll see you again next week!

[thebeauregardbros]

“The Ultimate Character Questionnaire”: Alus Beauregard

a fuckton of random questions abt alus ramblingly answered

questions stolen from [here]. i cut out ones that ask the same questions i accidentally answered prior, or just didn’t interest me enough to answer, so if you wanna do this for your own OC I recommend copy+pasting it from the source!

Basic Character Questions

First name? Alus (pronounced ‘Ah-Loose’)

Surname? Beauregard (taken from adoptive father)

Nicknames? Alus wants to be called “Al” but it doesn’t stick because his name is already short. Lots of people unfortunately call him Alice. he does not like that

Date of birth? unknown but he celebrates his birthday on All Saint’s Wake (aka Halloween)

Age? Funfact: Alus and Arc’s age is the age between the RPers’ real-world ages (I’m 24, Arc’s player is 25, but for a brief period Arc’s player becomes 26 while I’m still 24.) So they’re going to be 25 this year (2020)... what the fuck. stop growing. dont do that.

Physical / Appearance

Height? I... he’s tall. Despite Alus being the max height for Miqo’te characters (5′8″/173cm), other male Miqo’te RPers say their characters are taller than that anyway, so I’m like.. not sure what to answer. I don’t want to break reasonable canon of what’s possible for Miqo’te but I also don’t want him to be short or average sized in comparison to other average Miqo’te. I’m just gonna say, definitively, “Alus is tall for a Miqo’te”. If you have a tall Miqo, Alus is just as tall. Or half an inch taller. Take that as whatever you want. I’m tired.

Weight? I... don’t know? This question really doesn’t clarify anything to me; people can be the same height and weight and look totally different in body type. If you absolutely had to get an answer from me, my best guess is maybe somewhere between 170lbs-180lbs? (assuming he is 5′8″)

Build? Wide shoulders, slender hips, long legs, big wide chest and a nice strong core. He is muscular; burly and brawny; his body type feels intimidating and large. He has a healthy amount of fat over his muscles, but still has much clearly visible muscle especially while flexing.

Hair colour? Golden blonde; it’s got a subtle yellow-ish tone that reminds you of sunshine.

Hair style? Alus’ hair is naturally thick and wavy. His hair is grown out long; about armpit length. His hair is choppy, even somewhat feathered. It’s a bit badly damaged from years on the road, but the split ends and fly-aways sparkle brilliantly in the sunlight like a messy halo around his head. His hair naturally very poofy, like damaged 80s hair. Long bangs that were once pushed back fall gracefully over his face like a wild child running about in spring. Whilst resting away from work, he braids it loosely.

Eye colour? Heterochromia; A raspberry red in one pupil, and a sun-shiny yellow-orange in the other.

Eye Shape? Thin and serious, and slightly down-turned. Small double-lid.

Glasses or contact lenses? His eyes are overall pretty healthy, but he’s slightly far-sighted. He uses glasses once in awhile to read, but they’re not super necessary.

Distinguishing facial features? Heterochromia and his adult male Miqo’te markings. He tends to wear purple eyeshadow around his eyes and a subtle purple lip tint.

Which facial feature is most prominent? The facial structure of Alus more resembles an Elezen than a typical Miqo’te; he has a long slender nose, a oval face shape and noticeably high cheekbones.

Which bodily feature is most prominent? Alus’ lion-like tail is somewhat unique among other typical Miqo’te.

Other distinguishing features? His style of dress tends to stand out in a crowd; he favors pure white and soft pastels over more popular color tones among adventurers like blacks and greys. Also unlike the typical adventurer, he is more want to wear fabrics of the fancy and soft nobleman, decked out in frills and lace like a prince locked far away in a chamber more than any man on a dusty and bloody battlefield.

Skin? Uh... a... “medium tan” skintone? (again I have no idea how tf I’m supposed to figure out labels for skin tones when there’s no widely used phrases for specific tones fghdjkgh) with a “warm gold undertone”. The small amount of skin that’s ever exposed upon him is surprisingly soft, as if he never did much hard work in his life. [SPOILER]Underneath his clothes, however...The countless scars upon his torso, back, legs and upper-arms are rough and hard, like treated leather.[/SPOILER]

Birthmarks? Not that he knows of. He has lots of scars from messing around in his childhood but he can’t remember the origin of them all. Any of them could be birth marks as far as he can tell.

Tattoos? None! And he never plans to get one. He has yet to see any tattoos that match his personal aesthetics of what he’d put on his body yet and even if he did, he can’t imagine liking them enough to want to get one.

Physical handicaps? [SPOILER]Numbness in various small patches of skin throughout his body.[SPOILER]

Type of clothes? I already answered this somewhat but if you’re curious about specifics, I made [this pinterest] of stuff I’d imagine he’d wear. Pretty much just take the “aristocrat” Japanese street fashion genre and turn it white, and give it a bit of a gold trim. Lots of frills and lace; heavily inspired by fantastical shoujo manga glorified depictions of what a Prince Charming looks like in medieval setting fairy tales.

How do they wear their clothes? Some (not all) of the specific guidelines I have in my head of what his wardrobe’s like; Colors are only pastels, white, or gold - once in a blue moon he might wear a rich dark raspberry red color or bright orange or yellow. He will NEVER wear grey or black. Pants have to be long enough to reach the ankles. He prefers wearing his shirts tucked-in. Clothes MUST fully cover everything on his body excluding head, neck, and hands at all times - low neckline acceptable in off-duty time. Under special occasions only (ie beachware); lower arms, top of feet or shins can be uncovered. He wears a lot of jabot ties.

What are their feet like? (type of shoes, state of shoes, socks, feet, pristine, dirty, worn, etc) Alus takes his quality of fashion seriously. He’s the type of guy who wears expensive fancy soft white socks trimmed with gold nobody will ever see with the little suspenders on his legs to keep the socks from sagging down. He adores wearing white pointed dress shoes, especially if they have a bit of a high heel. Gold jewelry or buckles are lovely, and any shoe with lace, bows, ribbons, fancy beadwork or faux flowers are supreme. (Google image search ‘Bridal Boots’ if you wanna see his shoes. He’d seriously wear any of them.)

Race / Ethnicity? hhhhhhhhh it’s 5am man I dont have the energy to google faces until i find a reasonable faceclaim and try to figure out that person’s ethnicity... they’re Fantasy Characters... alus is a miqo’te.. maybe had some elezen or hyur in his lineage? idk

Mannerisms? Alus is like a living embodiment of a cartoon Disney prince. I don’t know how to better describe it; He’s elegant and gentle for the most part but can also so comically stiff you could mistake him for an automaton or a piece of background cardboard - then when the moment hits, he can spring into an unrealistic slapstick looney toon nightmare. He always seems to be in a constant state of floating between elegance, stiffness, and slapstick. There is never a break. There is never an in-between.

Are they in good health? For their active life circumstances of constant physical hardship, they are in amazingly good health.

Do they have any disabilities? I don’t think of ADHD as a disability (and I’m saying that as someone who has autism and most likely ADD or ADHD myself) but it’s classified by a lot of people as a disability. So yeah, uh, Alus absolutely has ADHD.

Personality

Are they more optimistic or pessimistic? Definitely more optimistic, sometimes to a fault. I think there’s a degree of choice in there but he’s kinda lost the boundary between blind trust and trying to believe in people and situations because he morally wants to. He is still a worry wart, and that is what causes him to fight so hard as he does for making things around him better as well as making himself better - but I think he makes a very active effort of not letting anyone see that part of him, maybe in an effort to convince himself as well that everything is and will be okay.

Are they introverted or extroverted? Extroverted in a lot of ways and introverted in others. Alus loves and thrives around people, and I think he’s a bit more drained than the average person when he’s alone vs. being in a crowd, but he’s still living more as an introvert - one-on-one deep talks can make him extremely anxious. He’s great at the surface niceties but can often find himself too devoted to strangers, which leads him into trouble sometimes. He’s like a really great social co-worker and a extremely awkward off-duty member of society that doesn’t really know how to function or navigate normal relationships.

Do they ever put on airs? A b s o l u t e l y. Alus’ entire persona is carefully hand-crafted over a lifetime. It’s not to say “This isn’t who he really is, he’s a liar”, but moreso “He’s not quite the person he wishes he was yet.” He makes a really large effort to put on airs of this confident and beautiful Princely type of heroic figure straight out of a fairy tale where he simultaneously knows that such a goal is impossible, since this isn’t a story book - this is real life, he is flawed and complicated, and nothing is as perfect as you wish it was. But he keeps trying no matter what.

What bad habits do they have? Low-key bullying his brother, for sure. Arc is the only person Alus just can’t really put on airs with so his perfect image just breaks down around him. While Alus appears to be a very gentle and kind individual around other people, he’ll comically slap and roast his brother without mercy. (Don’t worry; it’s mutual between them.)

What makes them laugh out loud? Almost anything. Alus is definitely a big giggler, and an even bigger loud spontaneous laugher.

How do they display affection? There’s two major levels of it. First, it’s showering you with little gifts - sweets, flowers, even money if you’re in need, with nothing asked in return. If you’re very close to him, it’s skinship; he loves spontaneously hugging others and holding hands and all that kinda platonic stuff. He’ll pretty much not let go of your arm if you’re around him. He also loves dancing with people, you bet he’ll do the whole nine yards of weaving you around him, lifting you above his head and dipping you.

Mental handicaps? Hates being touched. He has some really bad memories of being manhandled and despises any type of physical restriction on himself, especially from people he doesn’t find VERY close to him. He hates even more to be seen in casual clothes, especially clothes that expose his skin. He’s really not a fan of his exposed body and it’s gonna take a lot for him to get over it. He’s slowly getting better but it’s a long journey.  

How do they want to be seen by others? Someone to look up to; someone to rely on. He wants to be the hope for humanity, essentially. He wants to inspire others to heroism and kindness just by seeing him, and he wants to make the world a better place just by existing in it.

How do they see themselves? Someone who’s just not good enough; Someone who needs to keep working to be better; someone who’s chosen destiny is to be the hero of humanity.

How are they seen by others? Probably as a weirdo. He definitely comes off as eccentric; his strange comedic ramblings and sudden dancing mid-conversation, as well as his random gifts and bag full of pranks, magic tricks and fireworks just really feel off-the-wall. His immediate devotion to others may also come off as exceedingly suspicious. I think how he dresses and his cafe also indicate he’s kind of the ‘rich unhinged guy’ stereotype. People who know him well though know that he’s an extremely good person who would give you the clothes off his back if you needed them more. He loves humanity and would do anything for it.

Strongest character trait? His stubborn devotion to his ideals, for sure. If he wants something, he’ll work his hardest to make sure it happens.

Weakest character trait? Far too trusting of strangers; he gets taken advantage of very easily, and he’s almost always happy to come back for more. He’ll even give the biggest villain a 2nd and 3rd and 4th chance. His inability to condemn anyone as truly evil may cause far more hardship for everyone in the long run than if he just chose to kill the person or lock them up indefinitely and be done with it.

How competitive are they? Alus thrives in competitive environments due to an absolute love and adoration for sportsmanship. He does a fantastic job making his competitors have fun and feels that a competition that is too one-sided doesn’t have any fun or worth. He loves difficult competition because he feels that it helps better himself and his rival.

Do they make snap judgements or take time to consider? Oh, he’s absolutely a “strike now while the iron’s hot” type of a guy. He knows that even a second of a wait can change things for the worse. He’s also definitely a philosophical type that thinks over every possible scenario in his mind in his off-time, but ultimately, he’ll always be the one running off to get things done as soon as they’re brought to his attention. He’s the opposite of his brother, who wants to slow things down before making rash decisions. Alus just knows those decisions need to be made, so it might as well be now, so he just gets it done and worries about the outcome later.

How do they react to praise? He’s actually probably never used to it. I think he has a bit of a low self-esteem problem in how he sees himself as never quite as good as he wants himself to be, so praise can catch him off-guard pretty easily. He’ll cover that up by clumsily stating something comically over-the-top like “Of course, I am incredible! I am the best! Mwahahaha!” but not before gasping for air and stuttering like a shy schoolgirl first.

How do they react to criticism? He has a great ability to deflect toxicity into positivity; he asks what people mean and tries to understand them. I think if the criticism can be taken as constructive, he’s always happy to take it. If the criticism is just plain mean, I think he’ll ask if there’s anything he can do to help the person he’s talking to - he knows nobody would say such mean things to another unless they were having a pretty bad day.

What is their greatest fear? Oh, y’know. Losing his brother. Slugs and slimy things. If you wanna get painful and philosophical about it, I think he’s terrified of the future. He tries to live in the moment and just do the best he can at all times, but when he sees that what he does doesn’t help a lot of the world to stay safe, it freaks him out. In his mind, he’s doing a lot, but in reality - it’s not much at the grand scheme of things. He tries not to think about it too much. He tries not to think much of the past either - of all the mistakes, of what he could and couldn’t have done. It frustrates him. I guess you could say his greatest fear is his own limits. It never feels like he’s doing enough, or even if he ever could do enough.

What are their biggest secrets? [SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY] Alus is absolutely disgusted with the military powers of the world, and the politicians. He tries to stay optimistic and bright on the outside - he stays useful and does what he can without complaint, he tries to lie to himself and say it isn’t too bad, tries to focus on the good these systems do, to be placated and trust his brother that things will work out alright in this setup - but he sincerely wishes that somehow they could be abolished entirely. He’s frustrated with the idea of any one person or power having control over the lives of others - people those single powers may never meet - will inevitably cause a lack of humanity and understanding of others. Nobody should have this power, not even him, not even the gods. As Alus’ writer, I don’t think he knows a good alternative, he just knows he’s seen enough immoral and inconsiderate shitfuckery in these systems that he can barely stand it anymore. I think many soldiers probably feel like this eventually. [/SPOILER]

What is their philosophy of life? literally just look at the [quote insp tag]

When was the last time they cried? I FEEL LIKE ALUS IS THE TYPE TO TEAR UP AT EXTREMELY COMMON SHIT TBH?? EVERYTHING IS SO BEAUTIFUL I STARTED CRYING TYPE??

What haunts them? [SPOILER]Literally just... becoming a soldier or a fighter to begin with. He wishes it never happened, he wishes the world didn’t need fighting to begin with. But he knows he can never go back now, and even if he did, he’d probably still become a soldier all over again. It’s all he can do in this violent, terrible world.[/SPOILER]

What are their political views? Notable traits would supporting equality rights for Beastmen, more funding towards helping refugees, more funding to adoption agencies and orphanages, more transparency about tax profit and spending, creating opportunities for different countries to share their culture.. etc. (Note: I like to believe that larger glaring IRL political issues like lack of LGBTQ+ rights, gender inequality, ableism, skin-color-based racism and other large current inhumane social problems aren’t problems in FFXIV’s universe. If your RP character uses bigotry in accurate line of these IRL social issues as a character trait, you are not welcome in my RP circle. Period.)

What will they stand up for? He hates violence in general, so he’ll do whatever he can to stop it. Anyone who seems to be controlling or keeping other people against their will is something he loathes. No means no!

Who do they quote? Urianger. like a lot. Probably mostly accidentally; he picks up a lot of vocal mannerisms from the guy.

Are they indoorsy or outdoorsy? Outdoorsy, for sure. He grew up under the stars and being forced indoors for a long time will probably give him feelings of anxiousness and claustrophobia, especially if the space is small. He has had some bad experiences being unable to go outside so he takes his freedom to roam outdoors very seriously.

What is their sinful little habit? He loves sweets. This guy is all about boasting a healthy diet, but his weakness shows the exact opposite. More serious answer: He tends to procrastinate bad, especially when it comes to his passive military duties.

How do they treat people better than them? If they breathe, they’re royalty. Utmost respect and courtesy. Treats them as if he’s the royal butler to their fancy ass selves, even if they’re the lowest of the low in poverty.

How do they treat people worse than them? Honestly? Pretty much the same answer as above. If he gets truly angry at someone, he’ll tell them how and why straight-up, but he’ll never stop giving them the respect and courtesy he believes every human being deserves.

What quality do they most value in a friend? Someone who is as ridiculously open-hearted and ready to confess love to the nearest person along with anything else in the world as Alus tends to do, but also someone who pays close enough attention to him that they can tell when he’s in distress. Alus has a hard time speaking up about when he feels uncomfortable, so someone who has a talent for empathy - detecting other peoples’ emotions - would be incredibly invaluable. That’s the fastest way to his heart.

What do they consider an overrated virtue? None, and all. He thinks that if anyone gets carried away with any traditional virtue to the point that they’re causing evil in the world, they’re just misguided. He understands that - or at least actively wants to understand that - so he can forgive.

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be? He... honestly thinks of himself as more of an Elezen than a Miqo’te. So anything that ‘gives away’ that he’s a Miqo’te, he could probably do without. He likes his ears and his tail though! But maybe if he was taller? lmao. (I don’t intend to ever Fantasia Alus FYI, MAYBE if male viera comes out and my partner agrees to it AND I have absolutely no active RP going on, but it’s very unlikely, and if it does happen it will be considered a retcon, not a character development)

What is their obsession? Definitely his aesthetics. He spends an incredibly large amount of time, effort, and money on making himself look and properly act like a “fairy tale prince charming”. It’s not only a philosophical mindset of being moral and heroic, but also being charming and supportive to everyone around himself. He honestly hopes and believes that if he succeeds in creating and upholding this image that every person who rests their eyes upon him will be filled with determination and hope that heroism and safety is real.

What are their pet peeves? He disapproves of the glorification of alcohol, smoking, or any other vices that are bad for the average person’s health. He won’t turn away the people with these vices as potential friends, but he’ll certainly be tempted to lecture them on it. He is also really not a fan of casual skinship between strangers, nor is he a fan of an aggressively pessimistic attitude, nor will he ever really be used to people who wear very little clothing (He isn’t disapproving of the sex industry or sex workers per say, he just doesn’t ‘get it’; he could never imagine himself in their shoes), nor is he a fan of other people trying to change him to be more chill about his aesthetic code (how he dresses, how he positively interacts with others, etc.) - but he tends to be more quiet about his dislike of these things. He tries to stay open minded and patient, but yeah, maybe it’ll take a bit longer to get to ‘close friend’ status with these things.

What are their idiosyncrasies? (special mannerisms?) His posture tends to be stiff as a board: too perfect, like some sort of breathing statue or mechanic humanoid, while at other times it’s as if a switch is flipped to make him become a crazy slapstick ragdoll. He tends to speak in a constant fluctuation of ‘ye olde English’ and common casual speech, and he keeps a few feet distance from people he isn’t especially close with at all times. He’s generous with money and far too trusting of strangers to the point it feels like an overblown parody of these traits. He’s painfully optimistic and takes compliments first with a moment of surprise before he adjusts his reaction with over-the-top narcissistic vigor. He’s a constantly faltering image of himself. He’s a walking symbolism of good-hearted chaos.

Friends and Family

Is their family big or small? Who does it consist of? The only people Alus regards as true family is his twin brother, Arc, and his late adoptive father, Gwenneg. There are other Beauregards in the world, and other great “found family”-esque friends yet to make, but Alus cannot imagine them ever meeting the kind of friendship and connection he has with his brother and had with his father. Perhaps he’s tried in the past, but it just never feels the same. He’s at the point he’s given up on the idea of it happening casually.

What is their perception of family? A close-knit group that is always there for eachother, practically living at eachother’s hips. The type of people you can just glance at and they can read your mind, and even if they disagree with you, they’ll go along with you and fix it later. They’re always up for improving eachother. They are essentially extensions of oneself, and like limbs, even if such is cut - it is carefully looked after and healed, the rest of the body worries and tries to better it, never blaming it’s limb for not being good enough. All part of one system.

Describe their best friend. Arc is undeniably Alus’ best friend. I feel a bit weird talking about my friend’s OC for them, but I will say this; Arc’s strengths are in his slow and strategic approach to things; his love of politics and ability to glide through them, the way he finds the best routes and setups in battle, the timing, everything down to the little tiniest details to turn a battle of either wits or blood - he thinks over all of it, something Alus lacks. And despite being much less prone to trust than the willingly naive Alus, he can find the good in just about anybody when it really comes down to it. Arc knows the dark side of this world and is constantly aware and remembering of it, but understands it’s still worth fighting for. He’s also got a pretty good fashion sense! He seems extremely shady when it comes to his bar business though... It seems to be played up as a joke, but you’re never quite sure as you’re talking to him about it.

Ideal best friend? In assumption this means ‘a best friend besides Arc’, I think Alus’ standards are low. Of course, he’d love to have someone who shares his basic interests of aesthetics and his moral philosophy that centralizes on a love for humanity, and the honor and strength of action to act on it, but he also wants to know someone who can teach him a lot. I think that type of person could be absolutely anyone, especially someone that is nothing like him. Alus doesn’t want to necessarily completely change himself through the journey of knowing anothers’ life, nor change someone else entirely either, even if it’s for the better. He just wants mutual understanding with others. He finds a joy that can be found nowhere else when he feels two people, who don’t have anything in common, can find a common ground. This kind of thing excites him. I think something in-between -- someone who is a lot like him in a lot of ways, but has a few traits he lacks completely -- is ideal for him. 

Describe their other friends / Describe their acquaintances. (combo’d) Alus doesn’t really have other people he regards true friends, I think. He kinda regards every person he meets as his friends. That’s really all there is to it for him.

Do they have any pets? No pets, just a lot of animals that follow him around for food scraps and snacks. He always has an open window for birds and butterflies, and an open door to dodos and chickens and stray cats. He enjoys the company of birds the most, though he’s a fan of the loyal doggy too. In terms of his mounts - He mainly only claims ownership over his military-issued chocobo for paperwork purposes, but regards her as a friend without a voice more than an animal under his ownership.  

Who are their natural allies? Anyone who agrees for humanitarian rights, I think. Alus just exists to be a hero, really.

Who are their surprising allies? People he once fought. He always reaches out a hand for people who’ve made mistakes and tells them that he’ll be their friend if they agree to stop their mean-spirited behavior.

Past and Future

What was your character like as a baby? As a child? Equal combination “good kid” and “absolute little shit”; On the surface, he’d always be loyal to his father and polite to strangers, but the second he and his brother got some time to themselves they’d get into all kinds of shenanigans - especially if they manage to find some way to conceal their identity. Most of those shenanigans were pranks trying to scare people with All Saint’s Wake-esque props. They were also a time they were absolutely not above purposely trying to confuse people on which brother was which whenever it was convenient or just funny.

Did they grow up rich or poor? Poor, but I think he still thought himself as lucky. He might not have had a big room to himself or a lot of possessions, but he got to travel the world and meet so many interesting people and see so many interesting things in his father’s caravan.

Did they grow up nurtured or neglected? Nurtured for sure. His family were joined at the hip.

What is the most offensive thing they ever said? I’m sure Alus used to have a potty mouth when he was a kid and young teen. He picked it up from being exposed to so many different individuals growing up. If he’s been around a lot of sailors in Lima Lominsa, I think it’s a safe bet that he probably swore like one too. After his father died that changed almost immediately though in order to honor his dad’s memory.

What is their greatest achievement? I’m sure there’s much more impressive individual achievements he has accomplished - monsters he’s fought, hostage situations he’s negotiated, villains he’s managed to persuade to become heroes, but if you asked him, he’d tell you that simply being lucky enough to be chosen to become one of the Warriors of Light or opening his cafe are the achievements he’s most proud of.

What was their first kiss like? [spoiler]Still haven’t had it![/spoiler]

What is the worst thing they did to someone they loved? I feel like even though Alus adored his father, he probably did a lot of things to make him worried or stressed out, maybe even ran away once or twice just for the fun of it. It was a lot more innocent time for Alus and I don’t think he’d do anything like that in adulthood.

What are their ambitions? Alus just wants to end all war. Full stop. It’s not that complicated. He doesn’t really know the most effective way how to, though. He just keeps doing whatever he can when people request his help - which usually ends up taking advantage of his physical combat skills.

What advice would they give their younger self? Cherish this time. Hug your father and tell him you love him more often. And maybe focus on being a medic or someone who helps the world peacefully more than someone who uses violence to solve the world’s problems. Maybe care a little more about politics.

What smells remind them of their childhood? Chamomile, road dust, seasalt,  and old fancy dusty antiques. 

What was their childhood ambition? To grow up to be a glamorous warrior that saves the world again and again and to rescue a pretty princess.

What is their best childhood memory? Dancing on the streets of Ul’dah with his brother for a little extra pocket money and becoming unexpectedly popular.

What is their worst childhood memory? Losing his father to the calamity and being passed between temporary foster homes again and again, then finally losing his brother in that mess, too.

Did they have an imaginary childhood friend? Alus left out honeyed milk for faeries all the time as a child. Post-calamity, he started to quietly make-believe that faeries and little unicorns visited him when he was particularly lonely or bored, or just wanted to escape his own mind for awhile.

When was the last time they were crushed with disappointment? [FFXIV POST-STORMBLOOD SPOILER]Hearing about Zenos’ body being revived against Zenos’ wishes for a perfect death.[/SPOILER]

What past act are they most ashamed of? Any time Alus can’t save someone from death. Sometimes, Alus must be the one to kill them himself. This is an unbearable sin to bear for him.

What past act are they most proud of? Any time he can save someone. Any time he can help the suffering of someone by giving a little coin. Every time he has made someone smile. It is all the most cherishable, wonderful memories to him. None better than the others.

Has anyone ever saved their life? His twin brother Arc probably on at least a weekly basis. I think saving eachothers’ lives is a regular thing on a battlefield, even if your ally is basically a stranger.

Strongest childhood memory? Just sitting underneath the stars, curled up under a blanket with his brother while they rest their head on their father’s lap as he reads them bedtime stories.

Love

Do they believe in love at first sight? Absolutely. Guy will trust anyone at the drop of a hat, why not fall in love, too?

Are they in a relationship? Not officially, no. I think he casually flirts a lot and has gone out on sporadic dates with many people, but he hasn’t become anyone’s “steady��.

How do they behave in a relationship? Alus is extremely inexperienced. I think he’ll end up trying so hard to show off to whoever he’s dating that he’ll become exhausted. He wants to treat his future spouse like royalty.

When did you character last have sex? [SPOILER]Never![/SPOILER]

What sort of sex do they have? Nothing kinky or out there, he’s a shy confused mess to begin with when it comes to sex - he’s probably very reserved and traditional about it. I should note that Alus is canonically asexual, even if he doesn’t fully realize it yet. He doesn’t really understand the appeal of sex but he’d want his significant other to be happy. [NSFW/18+] He’d definitely insist on being a top, though. [/SAFE!]

Has your character ever been in love? As an greyromantic writer, I have no fucking solid idea what romantic love is supposed to be defined as. If you define it as ‘fantasizing about having a certain person in mind as a future spouse’ then, yes, Alus has been in love loads of times.

Have they ever had their heart broken? Many times, but it rarely gets him down for too long - he’ll fall in love with the next person he sees, then the cycle restarts.

Conflict

How do they respond to a threat? A fake, forced smile. Explaining calmly to the enemy that what they’re doing is wrong. Explaining calmly to the enemy to drop it and go drink tea with him instead. If being calm doesn’t work, yelling at them about their hypocritical morality like some sort of shounen superhero making a speech.

Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue? Tongue, for sure. Alus will be so painfully reasonable with his enemies that the only way he’s drawing his sword to fight is someone else draws first.

What is your character’s kryptonite? Like any hero, he’s a sucker for hostages. Also, math completely turns him fucking stupid. [SPOILER]Also... having his morality questioned, especially being accused of being a hypocrite.[/SPOILER]

If your character could only save one thing from their burning house, what would it be? A faerie tale storybook from his childhood his father read to him often when he was alive.

How do they perceive strangers? “A friend he doesn’t know yet.”

What do they love to hate? I don’t really imagine Alus truly ‘hates’ anything or anyone, just greatly dislikes or disapproves of them. And even then I think he doesn’t particularly enjoy disliking them. I don’t think he views negative feelings as something to be prideful over.

What are their phobias? Slugs and other slimy creatures, as well as mild situational claustrophobia.

What is their choice of weapon? His fists, for sure; there’s some sort of philosophy inside his mind that fighting with his bare hands or body without tools or weapons to aid him is the ultimate form of respect towards other human beings’ pain and livelihood - he wants them to know he shall feel pain right back if he strikes someone else, and he’s allowing himself the possibility to be hurt in return.

What living person do they most despise? I think anyone who justifies war or pain as a glorious and wonderful thing instead of a tragedy is someone he dislikes. Especially if said person has no respect for human life or the bodies of the fallen.

Have they ever been bullied or teased? Plenty. Unfortunately mostly his given name is particularly targetted. He’s also been called too soft plenty of times.

Where do they go when they’re angry? Home - his house is well soundproofed and cozy. He may go on an off-trail walk alone in the middle of Thanalan or the like.

Who are their enemies and why? The Garlean army, the Ascians.. do you really need to ask why? They wish to create death and chaos, that’s plenty of a reason enough.

Work, Education and Hobbies

What is their current job? Maelstrom military field medic, café proprietor, free paladin

What do they think about their current job? The café is seemingly always empty, but he doesn’t mind continuing to pour money into it. It’s a safe haven to him and a symbol of his independence from the violent life of military duty. Being a field medic is endlessly horrifying, but he’s glad he can help people. His status of Free Paladin makes him obligated to carry out duties to help Eorzea, which is something he’s proud of - but he is always not all that great at drawing his sword at the sign of trouble.

What are some of their past jobs? The only other “jobs” Alus has had in the past were mostly just side jobs for a little extra pocket money, mostly dancing on the street.

What are their hobbies? Dancing, capoeira martial arts, piano, tea brewing, baking, reading, writing, sketching, watercolor art, goldsmithing, fashion, bird keeping.

Educational background? Went to a school for accounting for a few years. He retained absolutely no information about accounting.

Intelligence level? Literate; can read older more complex texts easily. Good with maps. More of a “physical education” kinda guy.

Do they have any specialist training? Paladin training. Nothing else formal.

Do they have a natural talent for something? Weirdly incredibly good at parkour - stuff like navigating tightropes and climbing up buildings without any hesitation or struggle.

What is their socioeconomic status? At the moment, Alus is pretty well-off. He and his brother own their own business in the Lavender Beds, and Alus can afford high class clothes, hobbies, furniture and the like. He’s also prone to donate to charity near constantly.

Favourites

What is their favourite animal? whatever birds are ROUND

Which animal to they dislike the most? S L U G S

What place would they most like to visit? His cafe, honestly. It’s a safe haven.

What is the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen? People.

What is their favourite song? Simply Satie

Music, art, reading preferred? Alus loves playing piano, drawing sketches and reading storybooks. I don’t think he could trade one for the other! (He’s awful at singing though.)

What is their favourite colour? Pale blue, white, yellow-gold, and pastel pink.

What is their password? “Password”. Nobody will ever get it!

Favourite food: La Noscean toast! (AKA French toast!) with lots of berries and whipped cream!

Who is their favourite artist? ??? ((OOC: if Alphonse Mucha was in FFXIV it’d be him idk))

What is their favourite day of the week? E V E R Y D A Y (but probably mostly Sunday)

Possessions

What is in their fridge: Fresh salad, fruits, fresh berries, vegetables, tofu, jackfruit, orange juice, leftover strawberry shortcake, protein shakes, leftover rice, eggs, butter, yogurt, frozen berries... and even fresh flowers?

What is on their bedside table? A dozen lighthearted fairytale and academic books on aether he recycles through reading every night as he goes to bed, a pitcher & glass of water, a vase with a flower in it, reading glasses, 3 inch tall lil stuffed dodo.

What is in their bin? Compost bin for old fruits/vegetables/egg shells/bread and a recycling bin full of paper and packaging garbage.

What is in their bag? A lot of coin, a hairbrush, a box of ice chilled flowers, travel-size beauty products, lots of fireworks and other fun little spectacle toys, a pocket-sized book of poetry, a basic armor polishing set, a miniature sewing kit, bandages, healing potions.

What is their most treasured possession? A very old and damaged book of fairy tales from his childhood.

Spirituality

Who or what is your character’s guardian angel? His adoptive father - at least, that’s what he wants to believe.

Do they believe in the afterlife? Yes! Very much so.

What are their religious views? [SPOILER]Alus has a complicated relationship with religion. For the most part of his life, he’s believed in The Twelve like every other Eorzean, but as he’s grown older he’s found himself more and more impatient and even disgusted of the cruelties that the gods allow to happen, and the ways followers of Nald’thal and Halone use their religion as a means to prey on the weak for the sake of money, classism, and racial disparity. Hearing the words of Garlean soldiers point out that proof that The Twelve exist is seemingly nonexistent has further disrupted Alus’ belief in them. Alus does, however, firmly believe in Hydaelyn.[/SPOILER]

What do they think heaven is? Alus has no true confident belief in what exactly the seven heavens are, but he likes to think heaven is a place where flowers bloom all the time, the weather is always warm and sunny, bugs don’t bother you and war and violence never happen, and relaxing tea parties are hosted all day long, clothes are comfortable and pretty and never soiled by dirt and mud no matter how much you play in the grass.

What do they think hell is? Like many Eorzeans, Alus believes in the seven hells. The seven hells are a place that one must climb out of to eventually make it to heaven, and depending on how bad of a person you were in life, the deeper in hell you start out in after you die, and the more you have to climb before you get upward into heaven. Alus finds great comfort in this ideology because it means that no matter how bad a person was in life, they may still find forgiveness and redemption in death.

Are they superstitious? I think he’s open-minded. He seems to discover so many legends of being real every day that it’s difficult for him not to believe in anything and everything he hears. He tries to be respectful of the unknown and follow their rules, but when push comes to shove it’s all about the grandest happiness for everyone - he will challenge whatever fae or ghostly apparition that wants to mess with him if he thinks what they’re doing is immoral or unfair. 

What would they like to be reincarnated as? A stream. A rosebush. A rainbow. Something that others can look at and feel at peace, something for others to enjoy. A way to give love without living a life that inevitably creates suffering through heroism. To just exist as part of the beauty in the world.

How would they like to die? He doesn’t know. Death scares him. He does not want to die in battle. He does not want to die sleeping in a bed. But he wishes he’ll be old. He wishes he’ll have lots of friends. And he wishes he did everything he could while he was alive to make the world a better place as much as he possibly could.

What animal is most like your character, spiritually speaking? .... A golden retriever. Eager to please, extremely loving and loyal, a strong body, picky about weird things, and incredibly goofy.

Values

What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person? Betrayal?? torture?? bullying?? rape?? what do you want from me. He hates all forms of toxic and violent behavior!!

What is their view of ‘freedom’? The ability to form your own path; the ability to be whatever you want, even if the dream seems impossible to everyone else. The ability to go anywhere you want, walk and run anywhere you want, travel anywhere you want. The ability to say no when you want. The ability to be respected as independent.

How often do they lie? NEVER!!!!!!! He might bend the truth a little bit or side-step an answer but even white lies he’s not into. He rarely needs to white lie about anything anyway; he tends to see the best in everything.

What’s their view of lying? BAD AND UNNESSESARY

How often do they make promises? Constantly.

How often do they keep or break their promises? He 100% keeps his promises unless he’s literally physically incapacitated and in which case he will apologize and try to make it up to you so much

Daily life

What are their eating habits? Vegetarian. He eats really healthy and he eats a lot. Big fan of asian food I think. Has no problems eating stuff that’s bland as hell; I feel like it’s part of his determination to better himself. Has a terrible weakness for sweets, though. Secretly hates stuff that’s slimy, like mushrooms, but he will never complain if it’s given to him.

Do they have any allergies? Nope, he’s lucky. If he does, he hasn’t discovered it yet.

Describe their home. Very white, tons of gold nouveau trim on everything, and tons of flowers everywhere. Looks like the home of royalty. [Here’s his housing aesthetic.]

Are they minimalist or a clutter hoarder? Neither, I think. Maybe leaning closer to minimalist over clutter-lover; he likes everything being clean and easy to access in his house. His design aesthetic of nouveau isn’t necessarily minimalist in inherent style though imo.

What do they do first thing on a weekday morning? Wakes up extra early, takes a quick cool shower to wake himself up, eats a quick and simple breakfast full of protein; most likely something with a lot of nuts and eggs as it’s ingredients + big salad. packs a simple lunchbox and starts his day: Every morning, he walks to the statues of Nald and Thal, viewing the warm pink sunrise in the process. he pays his respects to each; cleans and dusts with a simple cleaning kit he’s left there prior. Leaves some simple offerings. Finds somewhere nice and empty in Thanalan to do some excercises and martial arts training for the day. sits down and eats lunch afterwards. lazily walks home, takes another quick shower to get the sweat and dust off. while his hair is drying, he puts on makeup and decides a proper outfit to wear for the day. meets up with arc, goes on their obliged military-issued mission for the day.

What do they do on a Sunday afternoon? Makes an effort to drag Arc over to his place for a big fancy dinner. Tea and crumpets as an early evening appetizer. Alus cooks everything while Arc hangs out and talks, lending a bit of help when Alus demands asks for him. Arc sneaks in alcohol. Alus yells at him. repeat next week.

What do they do on a Friday night? this but like, outside, alone, in the middle of thanalan somewhere

What is the soft drink of choice? If soft drinks existed in Eorzea I can’t help but feel like Alus is one of those freaks who don’t like any of them.

What is their alcoholic drink of choice? NO

Miscellaneous

What is their character archetype? This question originally linked to some basic archetypes, but I already have TVtropes collected and they’re far more interesting as an answer imo SO: [All-Loving Hero], [Reluctant Warrior], [Cloudcuckoolander], [Warrior Poet], [Stepford Smiler], [Motor Mouth], [Large Ham], [Stupid Good], [In Touch With His Feminine Side], [The Fashionista], [Light Is Good], [Flower Motifs], [Declaration of Protection].

Who is their hero? I don’t think Alus has a specific person in mind that isn’t fictional - fact is, nobody is as perfect as the type of person he strives to be. I think he finds traits of admirable heroism everywhere in people, though. Everything from his friends who fight for the good of the world no matter what, from the villain who unexpectedly saves someone while nobody else is watching, to the single mother who works hard to raise her children, to the homeless people who just continue to fight on to live even when everything feels so hopeless around them. I think he sees traits in others he wishes he had all the time. He wants to embody all the good traits of everyone. And I should mention, if one is to have a ‘hero’, it is expected that person to be better than one, yes? I don’t think Alus believes he’s particularly better than anyone else, especially in their positive traits.

What or who would your character dress up as for Halloween? Alus goes HARD on All Saint’s Wake. He and Arc’s signature best costume always ends up being these hyper-realistic ghost costumes that they trick out with special glamours, magic, and tech to surprise the passerby. If it doesn’t genuinely scare someone, it isn’t enough!

Are they comfortable with technology? I think he’s absolutely got the boomer brain when it comes to allagan technology. He can get by fixing old mechanical clocks and the like but when it comes to allagan stuff, he’s just absolutely out of his element. He’ll certainly listen if someone wants to try explaining it to him, but it’ll take considerable time before he fully “gets it” and usually when he does, it’s more on blind faith and an ability to follow basic directions more than true understanding. I think in general it just doesn’t really interest him and if he’s going to spend the time and energy to learn about it, he’d rather use that energy on his other interests - books, physical training, baking and the like. (Modern AU: He’s absolutely the guy still using an ancient flip phone because “It still works!” Also, he capitalizes and uses perfect grammar in all his extremely-hard-to-type number code texts.)

If they could save one person, who would it be? It’s a difficult question, because of course - the first person to come to mind is Arc. But the thing is, Arc can take care of himself. And Alus knows this. Alus trusts this. So when it comes down to choosing between Arc and someone less capable.. Alus will most likely help the less capable person. If Arc is hurt, Alus knows he’ll forgive him. But if Arc were to die? And it be Alus’ fault? It would utterly crush him.

If they could call one person for help, who would it be? Arc, of course. There’s nobody Alus would rather have by his side while dealing with problems.

What is their favourite proverb? “Since it is likely that children will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and courage.” – C.S. Lewis (Personally my fav proverb in thinkin about Alus is “Because the world is so full of death and horror, I try again and again to console my heart and pick the flowers that grow in the midst of hell.” – Hermann Hesse)

What is their greatest extravagance? This is kind of a depressing and even controversial answer, but it’s honestly any time he has ducked out from military duty with or without permission when all of it has just gotten to him too much. He knows that him not being there will be more of a problem than a solution - he knows that - but any moment he can just pretend, for a moment, that he’s just a normal man running a normal little girlish cafe during a time without war.. That’s his greatest extravagance.  

What is their greatest regret? The amount of enemies he has been forced to down when talk wasn’t enough is piling higher and higher every moon cycle. It’s an absolute horror. He tries so hard to be nonlethal as possible. He’s studied so much how to avoid vital organs, how to down someone without hurting them badly, but no matter what there is always the chance of there being a prior injury he didn’t know about, or a undiagnosed medical problem that was just activated by the smallest knock.. That isn’t even to mention the people who have been hurt because the people he talked down didn’t keep their word or stood back up when he thought they’d stay asleep. No matter what, he just isn’t enough to save everyone. Why is it that no matter how hard he works to have this ideal of pacifism, it never works completely? Why is it never enough?

What is their perception of redemption? That the unwavering truth of this world is that people are fundamentally capable of change. He refuses to believe otherwise, no matter what. Perhaps it is an active choice instead of an instinctual one, nobody is certain for Alus’ mindful case. He believes the expectation for lifelong punishment for a past crime is petty and cruel, and in itself deters people from switching sides for the better. He believes anyone and everyone deserves the right to have the choice to right their wrongs at any time. Don’t misunderstand though - He understands sometimes people are far too gone for simply dropping everything they’ve done and that’s enough to erase their mistakes - he knows that some people can only find rightful redemption in the afterlife after execution, even if execution is not an ideal solution to stopping them in his eyes. But he prays for them. He’ll never give up on anyone.

What would they do if they won the lottery? Back into investments or savings to get an even bigger profit later. Alus knows how to play the smart long game. But uh... If the fates play a trick and he sees a beautiful fashion piece in a shop window, maybe that won’t last too long. He’s also notoriously overly generous with money to the needy, he spends money on service tips like pouring water out of a glass. Money is always moving, and if he starts to run low, he just works a little harder to get back to the comfort zone. He’s in a pretty good place in his life monetarily wise atm already.

What is their favourite fairytale? It’s difficult to answer this because I don’t know what sorts of stories exist in Eorzean canon! But I can say that the real-world 1986 manga “The Sword of Paros” is a huge inspiration to Alus’ character. It’s about a person born with the title of ‘Princess’ who believes to have been born the wrong gender, and does everything in their power to prove themselves worthy of the title of ‘Prince’ despite immeasurable odds against them from their family and their country. The hero also falls in love with a commoner woman who wishes nothing more to be loved by the idyllic image of a charming knight in shining armor that comes and rescues her, and their love is ultimately tragic as it’s also not recognized as valid.. but the prince never stops fighting for his title and the right of his love, and the ability for them both to be happy. Though the story ends without the ideal conclusion, the very concept of these characters fighting against all odds for something genuinely better for the whole world is something Alus is really all about. (Also, seriously, read this manga. It’s groundbreaking. It’s Utena done right.)

What fairytale do they hate? Any faerietales that have unhappy endings, or seem to focus strongly on tragedy or pessimistic ideas of realism in the world. That tends to fall into the category of ‘cautionary tales’ most the time. He’s also really not a fan of stories with body horror or gore.

Do they believe in happy endings? I think he believes that happy endings should always be the goal, but I don’t think he truly accepts that they actually exist. He understands that happiness and safety is always temporary, and this is why he should always strive to make the world a better place. If he helps someone get to a point that they’re happy, healthy, and safe - he’ll just move on to the next person who needs his help. A happy ending for himself though? I think he’s not confident in it, but he wants to live every day to the fullest as he can before he dies. He accepts this as part of his duty - he knows he’s living on ultimately borrowed time.

What is their idea of perfect happiness? Being in love, being surrounded by people you love, having the support of others you trust and having the ability to spoil the people you care about. Having a home you’ll never be kicked out of.. And no war that you have to leave to. No people you have to harm. Just the peace to drink tea with your former enemies as you gaze out onto flowers on a warm day... That’s all he ever wants.

What would they ask a fortune teller? I think he’s concerned if he’ll ever someone to truly share his life with besides his brother. He just really wants a good friend.. Ideally, someone attractive he can hold the hand of!

If your character could travel through time, where would they go? Before the Calamity. He’d just want to listen to his father tell him a few more stories again. He misses the peacefulness of his childhood, the certainty that someone out there stronger than him loved him and wanted to keep him safe, the ability to ignore his own call to war... He wouldn’t so selfish to want to try and bend fate enough to save his father, though he would if he had the chance.. But he knows it’s impossible.

What sport do they excel at? (Modern AU) He was definitely a cheerleader in highschool and/or college, I feel like. Probably into dancing! And ofc a dedicated martial artist. I feel like he’d be pretty good at football and wrestling too - games that require a bulky build to be great at - but he just doesn’t have a particular interest in either of those.

What sport do they suck at? (Modern AU) Probably stuff like archery and tennis -  not only would he’d thrive better in big team sports, he’s just not much for long-range dexterity. He’d also be absolutely incompetent as an esports competitor lmfao.

If they could have a superpower, what would they choose? Anything that was especially effective at saving peoples’ lives. Time travel to stop mistakes before they happen or say the right thing before a war breaks out, super effective healing powers... anything. Just to stop suffering and death.

[someone-always-cares]

[image description: a q&a for the webcomic someone always cares. full desc under the cut because its long and wordy sorry]

post chapter 3 Q&A

first - previous - next

thanks for yalls questions!! it was fun to answer! if anyone still has questions feel free to ask whenever i am always 100% down to ramble. even if i did go slightly off topic in some answers

additional: went off topic with the hair question a bit. their bright hair is all part of the transformations. regular hair dye does exist though. best way to tell is that if the eyebrow matches the hair its probably not dyed. also, quartz’s hair is naturally ginger.

also for more on ages, check out the character bios here

also was gonna keep this in the tags but thought i might as well actually try to answer it: the question i found it hardest to answer was someone the song one. my taste in music is. a mess really. ive been listening to like the same 5 songs on repeat all day. more under the cut because i was rambling again and now its uhhh half 1am

if it helps at the time of answering that specific question i had home by cavetown on repeat, and that song reminds me of both rami and lewis. but that may be because i project onto those two a lot, and as a aro trans dude. who sucks with people skills, yeah of course i love that song.

specifically the vibes of like not knowing how to communicate (rami is fine with his friends but other people are different), the lines “ Turn off your porcelain face, I can't really think right now and this place, Has too many colors, enough to drive all of us insane” idk what the porcelain face line is supposed to mean but im picturing it as like. a mask. that you need to take off and stop hiding and rami does tend to hide when hes feeling upset, and the next two lines kinda could tie into that, like the feeling of when youre overwhelemed and just want the world to stop so you just hide somewhere. also the colours could go with chapter 3 with the chromatic abberation.

also the bit with “ my eyes went dark, I don't know where, my pupils are, But I'll figure out a way to get us out of here” just kinda sums up ramis whole hero thing with his powers and all. anyway this has turned into less what songs rami would like and why this particular song reminds me of him and lewis (lewis specifically has the hair cutting/chest hiding, [big transmasc mood], and also messy haired trainwreck who doesnt know who he is yet. also the ghosts bit)

i did end up picking upbeat songs because ramis a dude who like to try and be upbeat even if things arent. even if hes not really feeling it he will pretend to.

[full description: Anonymous said to someone-always-cares: “hi ily!!! do characters like quartz who have colored hair have that naturally or did they dye it?”

“its both natural and not! while most supers can do a magical girl ish transformation, including a change in hair colour, there are some exceptions.”

theres two small full body drawings of rami, one in civilian clothes, one fully transformed.

“if a superhero were to have a biological child, the child will inherit the powers of the parent(s). however, the child will not inherit the full transfromation. they do inherit any physical transformations, but not the outfit.”

theres a drawing of a woman in blue, quartz’s mother, fully transformed, holding her mask in her hand, smiling down at a much younger quartz as a child. hes smiling back up at her with the same blue eyes, pointy ears, and blue hair, but hes still in normal clothes.

“in the case of quartz, both of hisparents had superpowers, and he inherited those powers and the physical transformations.he can also pick and mix whatphysical traits to change.“

next is a headshot of adult quartz, his face split down the middle with one side having hair and eye like his mother, the other like his father. theres a list of traits from each parents, blue hair and eyes and pointy ears from his mum, and purple hair and eyes and pointy teeth from their dad.

 “Anonymous said to someone-always-cares:  Are all the characters the same age? If not, how old are they? Are they irl friends or just superhero friends?”

theres some headshots of rami and his team lined up with ages labelled: cam is 15, rami himself is 17, lin, mateo, and dante, are all 18, and cap is 20.

“rami and xandra were somewhat friends before she got superpowers, so when, after the incident with her old team, she found rami had developed powers, xandra stuck close to him. their other teamates started off as superhero friends but soon turned into irl friends too”

theres a headshot of lewis and jade. theyre both 17

“when lewis first decided to start being a vigilante,jade quickly found him and decided to help train himand offered to be a mentor of sorts, as they both have similar powers. that quickly derailed.”

“ cinder5555 said to someone-always-cares: How long does it usually take to make a comic page? I'm curious because they're so freaking good that they must take FOREVER”

theres a drawing of myself, a fluffy hair tired bastard in a hoodie, smiling

“Thanks! Ive been doing this shit since like 2017 and i still have no idea how long it takes me. i can get a page done in a day if i have nothing else to do or if its a simple page, but if i have work then maybe 2-3 days? i spend like, most of my free time doing this.“

another drawing of me, now looking frustrated muttering “how the FUCK does time work”

“but i can never do it all on one sitting.i will inevitably get distracted and zone out daydreaming mid drawing so its very hard to get an accurate read on how long it takes. so however long a piece of string is i guess“

the only qustion not from tumblr is a discord message from RuneStone Cabin:

“Q: Can you talk about the incidence of superpowers in this world? Like many people are supers, which powers are more or less common, how long they've been a thing for, stuff like that. Also does Omen know I'd die for them “

theres a drawing of omen pointing at a date circled on a calender marked “decembuary”, theyre saying “i know. i already wrote your death in my calender.”

then a giant wall of text reading: “Supers have only existed for a relativly short time, since the early 1940s. momento mori was the second person to have ever gained powers.

Only a small number of the population are supers! the chances are higher in more populated cities, but unusally london has oneof the higher percentages of supers. while nobody in universe has any idea of the origins of superpowers, it does seem that powers are more likely to occur in people who would actually use their powers.

as for what powers are most common, after making a badly catagorized spreadsheet of every superpowered character ive made for this world (70% of which will probably never even be seen), turns out that elemental powers are the most common. although not all elemental powers manifest as the straight up 'controling this element' as seen in characters like lin or tsunami. for example, iris's powers would fall under shadow elemntal powers, but theyre a lot more weird that just controlling shadows.there are some abilities that have never been seen before,such as ressurection or full on time travel (aka anything that could bring a character back to life), but powers are certainly allowed to toe the line eg healing, powers involving undeath, immortality, pausing or manipulating time.

aside from that, anything goes. you could get plain old superstrength, but you could also get the ability to create dogs with your mind. other not quite rules, more guidelines are that supers are immune to their own powers hurting them (unless they were pushing themselves too hard), although the way the imminuties occur may be inconvinient to the super.

while some powers may be 'more powerful' than others, powers dont really get to be way underpowered or overpowered in comparision to others. sure being able to talk to animals may feel a bit useless compared to someone who can lift 4 tanks at once, but nobodys going to end up with a power like 'can turn into a goose but only once' or 'can grow toenails twice as fast' or 'if i sneeze i can change my hair colour'. at the same time, youre not going to get someone with the power to snap their fingers and level a city, or instantly blow up the moon or whatever.

“Anonymous said to someone-always-cares: I love rami PLEASE tell me his favorite song(s) and why. I will die for you”

a drawing of rami saying out loud “i dont really have any specific favourite song, really? i just listen to whatever sounds catchy and then listen to that on repeat for hours until i hate it. i guess i do like upbeat songs? ones that make you feel happy even if the lyrics are sad”

“ un1c0rnhh said to someone-always-cares: tell me,,, please,, cam,,, are they a cat person or a dog person?? ily"

theres a drawing of cam a metre away from a cat lying down. she has her arm out and is making ‘psspsspss’ noises at it. end id]

FUCK i am so glad i didnt hand write all of that, it would have been a major pain in the ass to write it all and then have to transcribe all that next. but nope i could directly copy paste the asks and word answers. cheers if anyone made it this far down. if anyone wonders why this is uploaded late, you know now.

[hobimysun-shine]

bts as billie eilish songs

I love both artist so much because they are so diverse, so driven and in love with their art, so here’s what my mind created at 2am when i actually gotta study for an exam, but anyhow, enjoy

Jeon Jungkook - Ocean eyes 

“Can't stop thinking of your diamond mind Careful creature Made friends with time”

- color scheme: Venice lavender; purple rain; valor blue 

- grey clouds, quiet ocean, salty air, cold sand, bare feet, long sweater, careful wind, watery eyes, 

- angelic, naive, trusting, incapable of stopping emotions

- a feel of uncertainty for the future, because you still have so much to experience in life, it’s hard to know who to trust, where to go and what your tears mean, who you should give them to 

- young love, pain

- it basically speaks of someone who is impressed by another human - love based on instinct and intuition, when you’re young you just feel things, even if you don’t know where these emotions come from (jungkook-namjoon relationship) ; 

- trusting someone by the feeling you get around them, without being able to trust your common sense,

- have you seen jungkook’s beautiful, ocean, doe eyes ?? (if not, then wth you doin’ with your life))

Park Jimin - idontwannabeyouanymore

“I just wish you could feel what you say Show, never tell But I know you too well Got a mood that you wish you could sell

Tell the mirror what you know she's heard before I don't wanna be you anymore”

- color scheme: pale smoke; scotch mist; apple blossom 

- cold air, morning dew, raindrops at the bottom of your window, the fabric softener your mom uses to wash your sheets, soft breathing on the side of your neck, white mirrors 

-  self-persuasion, self-critique, inner conflict, serenity, content, libra’s aesthetic approach

- if you have listened to lie and looked at the lyrics, you know why i chose this song for jimin 

- you basically get the feeling that the person is speaking to himself in this song, trying to find an answer, as to why he puts himself through all these hardships, when he could break free from this vacuum of perfectionism he created for himself

- let’s be real, we all know what jimin had to go through and maybe is still going through with being too harsh on himself, with his body image and his appearance on stage, i hope he is doing well now and is content with himself, cause he is a 100/10 and we all love him so much 

Kim Taehyung - hostage; my boy 

“I wanna be alone Alone with you - does that make sense? I wanna steal your soul”

“ My boy's an ugly crier but he's such a pretty liar”

- color scheme: concord purple; red wine; aurum gold

- big windows, night sky, city view, studio apartment, dark walls, smell of acrylic paint, ripped jeans with that paint splattered on them, acoustic guitars on the walls, quiet jazz music, film paper smoke, deep laughter, strong arms around your waist

- artistic freedom, no fear of judgement, mutual understanding, chest butterflies, assurance, hope, soulmates, in tune with your emotions, who cares if the world doesn’t get us, we get us

- hostage just reminds me of two people, who connect on a soul level so much, that what happens is their love turns into mutual engagement, similar to keeping each other as hostages in their hearts, however i wanted to turn the meaning of that song less toxic for taehyung,, 

- i believe that if there’s a member that would want to connect with people in such level as the song suggests, it would be taehyung

- as for my boy, idk it just gives me a similar base line as in singularity, and i don’t know it’s just probably my fave song of billie and i feel like it is just taehyung’s vibe when i listen to it 

Jung Hoseok - bellyache

“ Everything I do the way I wear my noose Like a necklace I wanna make 'em scared like I could be anywhere Like I'm wreck-less

I lost my mind I don't mind “

- color scheme: marigold yellow; apricot orange; candy red

- summer heat, tan skin, blushed cheeks, endless roads, loose shirts, scratched knees, rich kids away from home, one backpack and a shiny red ford convertible from your bf’s dad’s garage, loud music, lips, swollen from kissing, night fireworks

- fed up with everything, escape from reality, that one summer you will never forget, vibrant love, point of no return, rhythm, gut intuition, boldness 

- i don’t know exactly either, it’s just these are the connections i make when i hear this song, and all of that screams hobi to me (aries moon) 

- also am i the only one who imagines he would make a killer dance routine to that song (but again he could probably dance to a water drops going down a pipe, so,,)

Namjoon - bury a friend; copycat 

“What do you want from me? Why don't you run from me? What are you wondering? What do you know? Why aren't you scared of me? Why do you care for me? When we all fall asleep, where do we go? “

“ Perfect murder, take your aim I don't belong to anyone, but everybody knows my name”

- color scheme: pearl river; silver fox, steel wood

- empty stage, burning projectors slowly being turned off, microphone heavy in your hand, as the words that went though it start to make sense, sweaty hair, footsteps echoing in the vast space, feeling of falling down, unexpected, but comforting hug, security, the calming scent of someone you know in this new environment, tears of fear and excitement at the same time, new life, new beginning

-  words said out loud, revenge, mixed feeling of content and fast approaching emptiness, always racing thoughts, insomnia, trying to fill a void, searching for an overall meaning, 

- so bury a friend is just has all these questions man. they remind me of rm’s mind. i feel like all of them are things he had already asked himself, or themes he implies in his songs too 

- copycat is for namjoon swiftly leading a group that got a ton of criticism in the beginning and is still getting hate, but regardless he manages to stay on top, write what he feels, be a real artist and throw everything people said about bts failing back at their faces 

Min Yoongi - lovely ; you should see me in a crown 

“Oh, I hope some day I'll make it out of here Even if it takes all night or a hundred years Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near Wanna feel alive, outside I can't fight my fear”

“ You should see me in a crown I'm gonna run this nothing town Watch me make 'em bow One by one by, one”

- color scheme: marble white; smoke ember; royal silver;  

- dark room, cold hands, shaky breath, unable to look at each other’s eyes, fear of the outside and the inside, pocket money, long fingers pressing the out-of-tune piano keys, weary smiles, small steps

                                          (....)

 steady hands, marble walls, scent of freshly printed documents, looking through a box of old photo albums your mom sent, turning the pages a larger hand stops you from flipping the next page, two teenagers than look awfully like you two are staring back fearfully, low chuckles, eyes full of love  

- strong minds, growth, stability, strength, control, prosperity, hard work, passion, ambition

- lovely is in here because i feel like it portrays struggles with mental health and depression very well. you feel trapped and you feel like there is no one else who understands your personal hell and you are the only one who has to find a way for yourself to get out of that place. yoongi has been in such places before as we’ve heard from him and his lyrics, so i though lovely represents his struggles when he was younger

- you should see me in a crown. literally that’s all i can say, he worked for his success and he got it and he deserves it and he is killing it right now

- yall don’t know the amount of respect i got for this man and everything he has been through and i feel like these two songs portray his lowest and his highest in life and take account every struggle along the way and how he truly deserves everything he has right now 

Kim Seokjin - when the party’s over

“ Don't you know I'm no good for you I've learned to lose you, can't afford to

Don't you know too much already I'll only hurt you if you let me

Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that”

- color scheme: night snow, onyx black, muddy grey

- smell of liquor, messy steps, blurred vision, flood of thoughts, the darkest time of the night, dried streams of tears on your cheeks, your boyfriend’s hand quietly holding yours, but them you have to split ways, walking alone on the dead street, cold wind air hitting your face, but you find comfort in it, you reach home, but you can’t seem to go in; so you sit on the sidewalk, looking down; you hear distant steps; he sits down in the snow next to you; the sky slowly, but surely becomes lighter 

- quiet sadness, deeper understanding of the world, human relationships seem harder, yet simpler, timeless feeling, a sense of maturity

- this song is just a masterpiece. hear me out, i don’t think i would understand this song as well as i do now, if i have listened to it a few years back. I would have been like “oh yeah it’s sad”

-But like. no. It’s not just sad. It’s a song that shows so much maturity and experience with life that first of all, idk how billie is so young and is able to create music like that. Second of all i don’t think anyone else of bts would fit better to it, than jin 

- people tend to overlook his deeper emotions because he tends to distract from them, he always acts “silly” and tells jokes, but i feel like in songs like epiphany and awake we can see that jin really sees the world and his abilities from a much more mature point of view than other members. And i get the same vibe from billie’s song, so i feel like it would fit best for jin. 

So actually this was way longer than i planned, but yeah, this is just strictly my opinion and it was just an idea i had at 3am now, as i said, hope it’s fun to read :))

im off to bed, because i’m so sleep deprived i will start hearing colors soon 

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 015: Some Antics on a Boat

Previously on BnHA: Field trip from hell. Ride of the Valkyries played while about 200 villains appeared out of nowhere and tried to murder our beloved superpowered children and split them all up, thus setting the stage for lots of mayhem.

Today on BnHA: We meet the U.A. principal. Deku hangs out with Tsuyu and Mineta on a boat. Mineta gets a lot of focus, and I was prepared for it to be the worst thing ever, but it mostly isn’t, except for about once every four pages or so, when it kinda is.

(ETA: Yeah so he officially took it Too Far in chapter 17 and as of that chapter is now in fact dead to me. But I’m not gonna bother changing the recap, so you can all come along on that journey with me if you are so inclined.)

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 19 23 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

I really have to hunt down these color pages one of these days. I tried a brief google search the other day but it brought up too many pages I hadn’t seen yet, and I didn’t want to spoil myself by accident. guess I’ll have to be patient

son of a bitch All Might is in the break room all the way back at fucking U.A.??

here I thought there was a break room hidden somewhere in USJ. I mean, you’d think they would have one; rescue training has got to be tiring

he says he should be fine in another ten minutes. then he says he’s going now

but he immediately coughs up blood orz

HEY IT’S THIS PANDA WITH A SCAR!! I KNOW THIS GUY! well I don’t know him but I’ve seen him before!

holy fucking SHIT he’s the fucking principal??

what the fuck kind of I’ll-fuck-your-shit-up powers is he fucking hiding behind that cuddly face then

because I know it’s just an assumption, but surely the principal of U.A. has to be a stone-cold badass, right?

I can’t believe this fucking little gerbil knows Deku’s secret

now he’s fucking plugging the fucking superhero vitamin shoppe I can’t

and he’s holding up a tablet with a yahoo news article about All Might saving everyone and their fucking dog earlier that morning

that’s a nice little plug for you, tumblr. yahoo still owns this shit, right?

so this fucking rat praises All Might for being his good heroic self, but then gently tells him off and reminds him to take it easy

I’m glad he’s reminding All Might to take better care of himself, but...

you would fucking think so! and yet!!

oh my god now this guy is sitting down to have tea with him. he’s never going to make it to USJ at this rate

I have to assume the principal isn’t secretly evil, since if he was, he could take down All Might all too easily since he knows all of his fucking secrets. but he sure does have the worst fucking timing, jesus

though again, we still don’t know how much danger All Might would actually be in if he did go to USJ. those villains seemed pretty damn confident. maybe he should just stay here and enjoy some tea

he calls him “Sensei”... not sure if that’s just because the principal outranks him, or if he actually was his teacher at some point. it’s probably the former, but. hmm

and now we’re back at USJ! Thirteen and Iida are on the run along with Still Too Many Arms and The Bulky Guy with Slightly Racist Lips. (do you guys think they’re racist? idk I just think it’s 2018 and there are other ways to draw POC, Japan)

anyway, they’re fighting Dr. Neck who at this point really needs a new name because he’s still a shadowy blob and now he’s looking more like an octopus but Dr. Octopus is already taken, so

for now I’m just gonna call him Not Today, Satan. you know. cuz of all the Swirling Evil

Thirteen is sending Iida back to U.A. to let them know what’s going on since the communications and alarms are down! good thinking to send the guy with super speed. I just hope he has the stamina. they never really mentioned anything about that but I’ll assume he’s good to run however many miles back to the U.A. campus

that is, assuming he’s fast enough to dodge Not Today, Satan. but I have faith

Iida’s trying to argue that he should stay, but clearly this is the most useful thing he can do at the moment, especially considering that he’s the only one who can do it! just go, Iida.

THIS IS YOUR MOMENT, CLASS REPRESENTATIVE

lmao and I was actually thinking the same as NTS here:

oh, just, everyone. in shounen manga, ever, since the beginning of time. but I’m so fucking happy you pointed that out lmao

back on the boat, Mineta is still freaking out very unhelpfully. he thinks they should all just hide somewhere until the grown-up heroes come to save them

meanwhile, Deku is being smart and useful and brings up a very good point that hadn’t even occurred to me:

basically, he deduces that the bad guys don’t know what the kids’ quirks are. so they have the element of surprise on their side, AND the bonus advantage of the villains underestimating them

I’m super impressed with this kid’s leadership and planning skills right now. I know he’s already showed them off, but I’m still mad about him not utilizing Ochako’s powers properly the last time lol. but this time he seems to be off to a great start

also, what a contrast from his first time facing a group of intimidating “villains” back during the entrance exam! he’s come such a long way so quickly

Tsuyu starts listing all of her gross frog abilities (sorry, I love her, but “I can spit out my stomach” is not something I ever needed or wanted to know and now I kind of want to spit out my eyes from the mental image).

so gross

Mineta becomes derangedly fixated on her usage of the word “secrete” and just. why

I actually kind of wish they weren’t loudly explaining all of their strengths and weaknesses to each other within possible earshot of the baddies (some of whom could possess super-hearing for all they know), especially barely three pages after Not Today, Satan chewed out their friends for doing the same exact fucking thing. but whatever

now Mineta’s doing something. what’s your power then, Mineta. something to do with grapes I’m guessing??

how did this kid make it past the entrance exam

LMAO

THEY’RE SO MAD. EVEN DEKU. THAT’S THE MOST STERN I’VE EVER SEEN HIM. HE LOOKS LIKE LUFFY AFTER SOMEBODY HAS JUST TOLD HIM THERE’S NO FOOD

sob now Mineta is crying

this is quality fucking comedy

oh shit the villains are getting tired of waiting

um this unsettling man with a grasshopper face just fucking broke the boat in half

so Mineta shoots out a bunch of panic grapes for absolutely no reason

literally Lambo and his grenade trigger-response

I confess, I really think Mineta is cute and somewhat hilarious when he’s not being a perverted shithead

(ETA: I was young and naive and I didn’t expect him to actually go and start feeling people up holy shit)

Deku berates him at first but then realizes that the bad guys are avoiding the grapes out of an abundance of caution!

Mineta freaks out again, and I was this close to writing down a paragraph about how I really empathize with him, since he’s just a kid and only like four days into high school, and all of a sudden he’s just thrust into this situation where he might fucking die (and probably die horribly at that). this close. but then he has to ruin it with a line about how much he wishes he could have sexually assaulted Momo before he kicked it

so that’s... great

but Deku saves the moment by quoting All Might while simultaneously doing That Thing I Fucking Love where someone tries to be brave and determined even though they’re also clearly scared. look he is trembling

Deku my son you are a constant delight and a gift to the world

oh my god

sure, just casually mention Kacchan as your inspiration for whatever heroic and probably very stupid thing you’re about to do next. go ahead, do that. don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine

...that is very Kacchan-like. like, the face and everything. he knows his shit

also, what exactly is he planning to do?

so he’s thinking that he can’t take out all of them no matter how extreme he goes. and then he says something about not sacrificing his whole arm, so is he gonna pull another stunt like he did with the baseball and his index finger?

GASP HE’S THINKING ABOUT THE EGG IN THE MICROWAVE

IS HE GONNA DO IT? CLENCH LIGHTLY DEKU!!!! I BELIEVE IN YOU

HE’S PULLING BACK HIS MIDDLE FINGER OH MY GOD IS HE GONNA FLICK THE WATER AND CREATE SOME SORT OF TIDAL WAVE

AHHH

THE WORST FUCKING STATE, LITERALLY MY LEAST FAVORITE!! BUT!! ALSO ONE OF THE SMALLEST SO IT’S FITTING!!!

YESSSS

EVEN BETTER THAN A TIDAL WAVE OMG. DUDE CREATED A FUCKING VORTEX

OH FUCK ME I DIDN’T NEED TO SEE THE AFTERMATH. WE ALREADY GET IT, JESUS

lkshdgk it’s not supposed to do that fuckk

Mineta is inspired, somehow, but doesn’t know how the fuck to direct it so he just throws more grapes

but now the grapes are actually coming in handy!!

looks like team rocket’s blasting off againnnn... *ping*

yay! and Deku’s not crying even though his hand is mangled! such a brave strong boy.

and then shawarma after

BONUS:

interesting that he thinks this is somehow “the right balance”

(ETA: hey Horikoshi, psa, literally committing sexual battery is not “balance” in any way, shape, of form. jesus christ. I love Japan for the most part, but the rampant misogyny there is completely ridiculous and I really need them to get their shit together already. #metoo needs to get the fuck underway there like yesterday.)

one thing I DO like though is that Horikoshi actually gives a very thoughtful and detailed explanation for exactly how he passed the exam! thank you for that! now I can stop wondering. I still have no clue about the invisible girl though lol

[verdigrisprowl]

Jan 28 Dancitron Movie Night - Gotham s2 e20-22

lmao this was two weeks ago idk what they did. i ain’t rereading the log. they finished the season. before the stream Prowl showed off his human avatar’s new t-shirt and after the stream he did some fancy bridging, and I only know that because I accidentally glimpsed it while preparing the log for posting. what happened during the stream itself is a mystery.

Today NoodlesAtNight 7:46 pm *Nothing new under the sun - he's just sitting on the couch, legs crossed at the knees, hands folded on his lap. Every now and then his foot bobs as if to say that, yes, he is in fact still alive.* Today SCProwl 7:53 pm *doesn't need to feel the subtle vibration from Soundwave's occasional foot movements to tell he's alive, but it's nice to know the energy signature that represents him on her visor is indeed alive* MedicalMurdersaurus 7:55 pm *scrambles indoors, covered in soot and excitement* HI NoodlesAtNight 7:55 pm *He'll ping his timeline's Prowl hello and get her set up with a feed and description. He is /prepared/ for tonight.*

[[Good evening, Swoop. He's going to start charging you a vacuuming bill.]] NoodlesAtNight 7:56 pm ((lol "the only cop u like" it's true)) MedicalMurdersaurus 7:56 pm Why? :V verdigrisprowl 7:56 pm *shows up as a fifteen-foot-tall human* Soundwave. NoodlesAtNight 7:56 pm *Casually points at the greyish-black smudges around Swoop's feet. That's why.* SCProwl 7:56 pm *ping of thanks before she finds her usual seat* MedicalMurdersaurus 7:57 pm *looks where Soundwave points, crouches down and immediately gets down to work doodling * NoodlesAtNight 7:57 pm *Soundwave finally shows something more than a minor movement when the human appears. He twists his whole upper body to stare for a moment, perplexed. Humans ddddooooon't come that tall. What is...?*

[[........Prowl?]] NoodlesAtNight 7:58 pm *Silently despairs over Swoop's nonsense.* MedicalMurdersaurus 7:58 pm *has plenty of nonsense for the whole floor* verdigrisprowl 7:58 pm Look. *he pulls out his t-shirt for Soundwave to observe. It's a black shirt with a white drawing and text of a baseball diamond, with each position labeled with the players' names from Who's On First.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:00 pm *the dragon comes in with the cart full of treats, opens her freshly unbandaged mouth to speak, and nearly bites her tongue clean off at seeing a giant human. okay. welcome to cybertron, it's full of nonsense. she'll just... put the treats on the bar. like this isn't happening.* NoodlesAtNight 8:00 pm *Soundwave leeeeans and squints behind the half-visor. ... And his face splits into a horrible, toothy, open smile.*

[[/Delightful./]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:00 pm *writes out BIRD WAS HERE because nothing says "I love you" like a pitifully obvious attempt at vandalism* NoodlesAtNight 8:00 pm *Laserbeak will love it as soon as she stops stuffing her face and actually shows up* NoodlesAtNight 8:01 pm [[Do not worry, dragon. That is not a real human.]] SCProwl 8:01 pm *fails to notice anything wrong with the Captain's appearance. holomatter is energy is holomatter is energy is--* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:01 pm *will spend his BIrd-free time writing other equally inspired sayings around the place in ash, insulting Buzzsaw, Shockwave, and so on* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:02 pm *let no one say he doesn't SORT OF half listen* NoodlesAtNight 8:02 pm *Soundwave stretches a feeler over to smudge out the one about Shockwave.* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:02 pm :V Rude NoodlesAtNight 8:03 pm *...After a minute, adds "Soundwave: also here" to the graffiti. If you can't beat them, join them.* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:03 pm *snickers* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:03 pm Smokescreen shows up to these movie nights. I take nothing for granted. *chuffs a little* But I suppose a real human would suffocate to death. NoodlesAtNight 8:03 pm ((ten minutes til start, get whatcha need now)) NoodlesAtNight 8:04 pm [[Only downstairs.]] verdigrisprowl 8:04 pm *he showed up in a funny shirt and as a reward got the most beautiful smile. the shirt was a good idea.* *he switches back to his usual avatar and sits* NoodlesAtNight 8:04 pm *Glances back to Prowl.* [[A greyface gave him a shirt once. Perhaps he should program it onto his own human form.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:05 pm *starts wandering around leaving handprints on things* NoodlesAtNight 8:05 pm [[Swoop! Go wash your hands.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:05 pm *stares at Soundwave* *licks both his palms and then holds them out for inspection* NoodlesAtNight 8:06 pm *Is still for a long moment. Then shudders.* [[What /are/ they teaching them over there...]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:06 pm : > verdigrisprowl 8:06 pm What's the shirt? NoodlesAtNight 8:08 pm *Soundwave taps his chin, looks upstairs, and mentally adjusts one of the cameras in his storage quarters. He then lets the feed sit on screen for a moment.* verdigrisprowl 8:08 pm *looks at the xenomorph shirt* ... It'd suit you. NoodlesAtNight 8:09 pm [[Do you think so? He knows very little about human fashion.]] ((six minutes!)) SideswipeStriker 8:10 pm -just going to slide in, and sit. Blaster couldn't make it today- verdigrisprowl 8:11 pm From what I can tell, all humans are able to wear t-shirts. And they generally wear t-shirts with pictures of things they like on them. And that's a thing you like. NoodlesAtNight 8:11 pm *A nod to Sideswipe. He wonders, does everyone at that base share all the episode or movie data between themselves? They must. How else would they know what they were watching?* NoodlesAtNight 8:12 pm [[That is true.]] *Perks.* [[Did you get the base for the one you had from Earth?]] verdigrisprowl 8:12 pm It's actually kind of interesting. I can't think of any other species that have designed a specific garment that serves as a wearable art canvas. SideswipeStriker 8:12 pm -They do. Don't worry, the room chatter is filtered out before it's shared.- NoodlesAtNight 8:13 pm ((two minutes, lemme get some warnings up)) SideswipeStriker 8:13 pm -still, quick nod back to Soundwave- verdigrisprowl 8:14 pm The base for the t-shirt, you mean? No, it came default with the updated holomatter program I got on the Lost Light. The color is adjustable and it's even got a little layer where you can insert your own image to display on the shirt. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:14 pm *half listening to the t-shirt talk* Him Sideswipe do costume stuff. NoodlesAtNight 8:14 pm ((GOTHAM S2 20-22 // Violence, blood, death. Poor depictions of mental illness, ableist language, psychiatric and medical abuse. Flashing lights, rat, mild body horror, gross rotting head, needles, spider, weird eye, uhhhh... "meat dust", I don't know how else to describe what happens there without spoiling it.)) SideswipeStriker 8:15 pm I do what now? SCProwl 8:15 pm ((meat dust bwahaha SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:15 pm *if soundwave doesn't mind, the dragon will get loafed up on the couch by him and prepared for Movie* verdigrisprowl 8:15 pm ((so, bacon bits)) NoodlesAtNight 8:15 pm [[That is helpful - but he also meant the image. It is brilliant.]]

((oh my GOD)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:15 pm ((snort the meat dust like cocaine)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:15 pm *blinks owlishly at this sideswipe* NoodlesAtNight 8:15 pm *Soundwave scootches closer to Prowl to make room for the dragon on his other side. He's pretty sure Prowl won't mind.* verdigrisprowl 8:15 pm Oh. I found it on the internet. SideswipeStriker 8:16 pm -waves back- verdigrisprowl 8:16 pm *An alien on the couch? ... Not enough to say anything about it.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:16 pm *to be fair, it's not like she needs a lot of room. tiny dragons be tiny.* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:16 pm Not YOU. Him Sideswipe. At Ark. Him do costumes alllll the time. Him do Dinobots as Power Rangers for Halloween! NoodlesAtNight 8:17 pm *True, but Soundwave does tend to stretch out when he can.*

[[Their datanet is full of good visuals. He will have to look for some others...]] SCProwl 8:17 pm They could put those documents back together. SideswipeStriker 8:17 pm Oh. Heh. My alternate is really creative, ain't he? NoodlesAtNight 8:17 pm [[It would take time they do not have.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:18 pm yup verdigrisprowl 8:18 pm Gym shouldn't even be there. This is a police investigation. SideswipeStriker 8:18 pm Freelancing MedicalMurdersaurus 8:18 pm Me Swoop want alternate. Me Swoop never ever get to meet other Swoop. Us need more Swoops! Kehehheh! NoodlesAtNight 8:18 pm [[They can ban him despite his contract to investigate, eys?]] [[Primus. One Swoop is enough.]] verdigrisprowl 8:18 pm Clearly, they should confiscate the documents anyway. Maybe they don't have the time now but they could have it—and need the documents—later. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:18 pm ((my favorite part of returning to college is hearing my roommate delightedly go "hi meeper!" as princess nugget /catapults/ herself at the roommate)) SCProwl 8:18 pm Exactly. NoodlesAtNight 8:18 pm ((hee hee!)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:19 pm Ten Swoops NoodlesAtNight 8:19 pm ((also: again, i apologize for probable skips and stutters now and then, this is the best rabbitcast i could get tonight)) SideswipeStriker 8:19 pm You're ten by yourself, buddy MedicalMurdersaurus 8:19 pm Two hundred :V NoodlesAtNight 8:19 pm ((i so don't feel sorry for this priest tbh)) SideswipeStriker 8:20 pm ((yeah, that's kinda God's bag SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:20 pm ((my great aunt would've thrown him through a plate glass window)) ((my great aunt is, for context, a nun)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:20 pm ((A+ suit)) SideswipeStriker 8:20 pm Swoop, buddy, let's /not/ NoodlesAtNight 8:20 pm [[You two have got a point. He generally assumes the GCPD is not competent enough to think about that.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:20 pm A miiiiiiiiillion Swoop :V NoodlesAtNight 8:20 pm ((and i can see why she would!)) verdigrisprowl 8:20 pm That's fair. SideswipeStriker 8:20 pm -snorts- SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:21 pm Penguin human. Clean up your den. That's a good way to become ill. SCProwl 8:21 pm They generally aren't unfortunately. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:21 pm ((my great aunt is badass)) SideswipeStriker 8:21 pm ((pffff verdigrisprowl 8:21 pm ((why the hell did jim even quit, like,)) verdigrisprowl 8:22 pm (("oh i'm not being a cop anymore. ...... but i'm doing everything a cop does anyway, and hanging around the cops, and being constantly inconvenienced by the fact that i'm not actually a cop")) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:22 pm Is that even a real sword. It broke like stick candy, and it looks fake. NoodlesAtNight 8:22 pm [[It was a prop sword.]] verdigrisprowl 8:22 pm If it's shaped like a sword and it's made out of metal then it's a real sword. That doesn't make it a good one. SideswipeStriker 8:23 pm .... MedicalMurdersaurus 8:23 pm Guardian meansssss.....? Caretaker? SideswipeStriker 8:23 pm Yeah NoodlesAtNight 8:23 pm [[Yes. Guardian, someone who guards.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:23 pm Him Sunstreaker is Bob guardian NoodlesAtNight 8:24 pm [[Yes, he is.]] SCProwl 8:24 pm Human children need to be tended to, correct? MedicalMurdersaurus 8:24 pm Ratchet is Swoop guardian Wheeljack also guardian NoodlesAtNight 8:24 pm [[Very often. Few of them can stand on their own until close to their second decade.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:24 pm Buuuuuut them not GUARD us Dinobots keheh. Us not need guards. verdigrisprowl 8:25 pm Actually, they typically learn to stand within about a year. NoodlesAtNight 8:25 pm *Leans back.* [[What?]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:25 pm Blooooooooddddd *giggles* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:26 pm It /was/ fake! SCProwl 8:26 pm Hm. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:26 pm Well. It was a fake of a real sword. It was, however, made of bad metal and utilized for the purposes of stabbing people. verdigrisprowl 8:26 pm *looks at* ... New humans can stand on their own within about a year? MedicalMurdersaurus 8:26 pm *suddenly serious* Soundwave. Where Her Bird? SideswipeStriker 8:27 pm It was a copy of a sword SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:27 pm Unless that's a fascinatingly resilient sword, it is going to be very rusted from being buried with a dead body. SCProwl 8:27 pm So he's going grave robbing. SideswipeStriker 8:27 pm Good enough to stab a few, yeah? But, not good enough for a sword fight SCProwl 8:27 pm Only if it's made from a metal that rusts and whatever mythic properties it has might also prevent it from deteriorating. NoodlesAtNight 8:28 pm *Stares in confusion for a few moments before getting what Prowl is saying.* [[Oh. No, not - that is, he meant they are typically incapable of surviving by themselves until that age.]] *Shakes his head.* [[He supposes you are right in the literal sense. Still - even a year is a /long/ time for any newbuild not to know how to stand up.]] [[There are creatures on Earth that learn to stand and walk and run in minutes.]] verdigrisprowl 8:28 pm Oh! Yes. SideswipeStriker 8:28 pm ...... Sounds like a challenge NoodlesAtNight 8:28 pm *Bird is coming! She's dragging a small rag bundle filled with snacks.* {{Hiiii.}} SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:29 pm Do humans make swords of any material? *the dragon shrugs her wings* I guess it makes sense- what dragons use swords for and what other species use swords for can be different. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:29 pm *chirps with excitement* Hi, Bird! NoodlesAtNight 8:29 pm *She spots the graffiti on her way to Swoop and pauses to circle it.* {{Neheh. That lie. Bird not there early time.}} *She says while writing "It true" just beneath it.* verdigrisprowl 8:30 pm To be fair, most species' development rates seem slow to me. Even other Cybertronians. SCProwl 8:30 pm I don't know what humans make swords from but Cybertronian weapons are made from many different alloys. NoodlesAtNight 8:30 pm ((incoming skellie)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:30 pm *is absolutely delighted by her reaction, all grins from audio to audio* SideswipeStriker 8:30 pm -snorts again. Crowbars work too- NoodlesAtNight 8:30 pm [[That is true. He still does not know how they fit everything they must know in two weeks...]] verdigrisprowl 8:30 pm There are swords on top of the coffin. They could at least TRY to grab those swords before opening up the crypt. SideswipeStriker 8:31 pm Aw, c'mon, the guy is dead, hush ...whoops NoodlesAtNight 8:31 pm [[She has seen the sword before; she would know if the ones atop the crypt were what they wanted.]] verdigrisprowl 8:31 pm Fair. verdigrisprowl 8:32 pm She's going to die. NoodlesAtNight 8:32 pm ((flashing lights, i think)) SCProwl 8:32 pm Stealing from the dead. *shudders* verdigrisprowl 8:32 pm Oh, never mind, she's going to change sides. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:32 pm The dead can't use it. NoodlesAtNight 8:32 pm *Bird paps Swoop's cheek.* {{You good friend. Now Bird got alibi.}} SideswipeStriker 8:32 pm What's wrong with that? The dead thing. SCProwl 8:32 pm At least it wasn't part of the body. verdigrisprowl 8:32 pm Nope, she's trying to bring his memories back, I'm back to "she's going to die." SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:32 pm From a cruel, pragmatic perspective? The dead don't need to survive. Of course, no one really needs this sword, so I suppose the point is moot. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:33 pm *would blush if that was a thing Dinobots could do* Me Swoop helping : > SideswipeStriker 8:33 pm Oh. She's gonna die verdigrisprowl 8:33 pm Yep. NoodlesAtNight 8:34 pm [[Pity. He likes her.]] SCProwl 8:34 pm She reminded him of his real objective. SideswipeStriker 8:34 pm Not surprised you were right, Prowl SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:34 pm Did he gut-wound her? She might not die immediately from that. NoodlesAtNight 8:34 pm [[It is unwise to bring back the memories of a person who threatened to kill you shortly before they died.]] SideswipeStriker 8:34 pm Just alot NoodlesAtNight 8:35 pm [[Humans succumb to gut wounds very quickly, from what he has seen.]] verdigrisprowl 8:35 pm Their guts are minced very easily. NoodlesAtNight 8:35 pm [[Their own insides poison them.]] opatoes 8:35 pm /Smokescreen's coming in late, but is waving at Soundwave and Swoop and Round Prowl!/ Hey everyone! What'd I miss? SCProwl 8:35 pm I'm aware of the pragmatics of taking from the dead. It was a valid survival tactic during the war. SideswipeStriker 8:35 pm Death doom and destruction MedicalMurdersaurus 8:35 pm *waves* SideswipeStriker 8:35 pm And graverobbing SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:35 pm Yes. But, in dragons, it can still be sometimes survived with immediate medical intervention. If you intend to kill someone with a gut wound, you ought to be watching them die to ensure their death. NoodlesAtNight 8:36 pm [[You are missing the Galavan-Azrael human gathering his true sword and going after Bruce Wayne.]] verdigrisprowl 8:36 pm ((seriously why doesn't jim just rejoin the cops)) NoodlesAtNight 8:36 pm ((because he's still a dumbass who thinks Lone Wolfing it is the way to go at this stage)) SideswipeStriker 8:36 pm ((because plot bs? verdigrisprowl 8:36 pm ((there's. there's no sensible reason for him not to.)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:36 pm ((man pain)) verdigrisprowl 8:36 pm ((literally the ONLY thing he's been doing is "cop things" and "pouting about being unable to do cop things")) opatoes 8:36 pm His true sword? I missed SWORDS? Man, I always miss the good stuff SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:36 pm ((okay, I'm face blind as hell, but is this the same selena as before?)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:37 pm ((she doesn't! look! right!)) NoodlesAtNight 8:37 pm ((and also because he wants to solve bruce wayne case and wouldn't be allowed or something since barnes has told him to let it go before)) verdigrisprowl 8:37 pm ((she straightened her hair, i think that made her look different)) NoodlesAtNight 8:37 pm ((it's her, she's just got straightened hair)) opatoes 8:37 pm ((wait yeah her hair looks- oh SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:37 pm ((augh. why must my brain be constantly confused)) verdigrisprowl 8:37 pm ((i seriously wondered too. i had to look away from the sceen and see if her voice sounded the same)) ((i don't like straight hair selina)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:37 pm ((the straight hair is weird and inexplicable. Why would she waste time straightening it? SHe just shoved it in a beanie right after.)) opatoes 8:37 pm ((that's a mood asdczxnb SideswipeStriker 8:37 pm Ah, vents, always fun opatoes 8:38 pm ((I once thought a coworker was a different person because he cut his hair... NoodlesAtNight 8:38 pm ((wig?)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:38 pm Do humans typically keep food in their air vents? opatoes 8:38 pm I do! But I'm also not human SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:38 pm ... *stares at smokescreen* verdigrisprowl 8:38 pm ((her hair spontaneously straightened out of grief when bruce moved back home)) SideswipeStriker 8:38 pm ... opatoes 8:38 pm ... What? Sometimes, you need a good spot for snacks. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:38 pm *mock whispers* You Bird food in air vents? Kehehh NoodlesAtNight 8:39 pm *Bird whirls round on Swoop.* {{What you know? Who told?}} MedicalMurdersaurus 8:39 pm *briefly startled before laughing* NoodlesAtNight 8:39 pm ((upcoming scene is one of the ones that convinced me to watch Gotham at all)) ((this one here)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:39 pm *laughs* Hello, riddling human. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:39 pm *assumes they are playing because why wouldn't this be play fighting* Me Swoop never tell! SideswipeStriker 8:39 pm -gigglesnort- verdigrisprowl 8:39 pm They could just crawl around each other. SCProwl 8:40 pm ((same. i saw a gif set of that exchange and was like yup gotta watch this *tilts helm slightly toward Swoop and Laserbeak's conversation* NoodlesAtNight 8:40 pm {{What you Swoop want for telling?}} *HUFFS* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:40 pm I think she'd bite him if he tried to pass her. And she probably knows how to bite. NoodlesAtNight 8:40 pm [][][]Can you pick--[][][] opatoes 8:40 pm I wanna learn how to pick locks... opatoes 8:41 pm Like, I don't need to learn, but I wanna learn. NoodlesAtNight 8:41 pm *Shaking like a piece of tinfoil in a tornado* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:41 pm Ah, see? She's still alive. Just being poisoned by her guts. SideswipeStriker 8:41 pm Depends on the lock, Smokes MedicalMurdersaurus 8:41 pm Ahhhhhhhuuummmmmmm! *doesn't have a good answer, normally this is the part where someone tries to punch his lights out and the wrestling starts* You Bird.... ummm..... NoodlesAtNight 8:41 pm ((butch ;; <3 )) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:41 pm ((Buuuuutch)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:41 pm ((I'm having... feelings...)) SideswipeStriker 8:41 pm ((noooooo SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:42 pm ((Butch, just tell her that Galvan stabbed her)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:43 pm ((him)) ((I cannot fucking /brain/ today)) NoodlesAtNight 8:43 pm ((png telling it like it is)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:43 pm ((ah, png knows, nvm)) NoodlesAtNight 8:43 pm {{Me Bird what? What?}} verdigrisprowl 8:44 pm He didn't even signal before making that turn. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:44 pm So. Who thinks that the Azrael human is just following the Jim human to find Bruce? NoodlesAtNight 8:44 pm [[It was a nice turn, though.]] SideswipeStriker 8:44 pm -raises hand- NoodlesAtNight 8:44 pm {{Bird think it!}} verdigrisprowl 8:44 pm It would've been nice if he'd done it without squealing. NoodlesAtNight 8:45 pm {{Oh. Maybe him Azrael already know.}} verdigrisprowl 8:45 pm And doubtful. Gym has a car. Galavant doesn't. SideswipeStriker 8:45 pm Yeah, that sounded paaaoh shit SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:45 pm Mhm. I was wrong. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:45 pm *looks up at Bird sheepishly, twisting back and forth* Youuu Bird... ahh... *wants to say a thing but DOESN'T WANT TO SAY A THING* UMMMM! NoodlesAtNight 8:46 pm {{...Ravage got Swoop tongue?}} [[Fool. At least put your escape route back correctly.]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:46 pm Well, there's more than one way to bait a hook, I suppose. Perhaps I oughtn't make predictions. verdigrisprowl 8:46 pm Amateur. SideswipeStriker 8:46 pm Not very smart MedicalMurdersaurus 8:46 pm yah :X NoodlesAtNight 8:47 pm {{Bird go shoot him. Coming back in minute.}} *She zooms up the stairs* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:47 pm *covers his face with his hands and giggles* NoodlesAtNight 8:47 pm ((get him alfred!!)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:48 pm *remains in his giggly, unseeing state the whole while she's gone* SideswipeStriker 8:48 pm That's not good Arcee-Autobot 8:48 pm [[ Hey everyone! I'm actually awake late enough to Join this since I haven't in a while lol]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:48 pm Suspicious elevator. NoodlesAtNight 8:49 pm ((heeeey! haven't seen you in forever, welcome back!)) Arcee-Autobot 8:49 pm [[ Thank you! I can actually see things again!]] opatoes 8:49 pm ((: O !! Hey!! Arcee-Autobot 8:49 pm [[ Long story short I used a Hair dye and I had an allergic reaction that caused a lot of swelling around my face , But i'm okay!]] NoodlesAtNight 8:50 pm ((oh damn - i'm glad you're all right!!)) verdigrisprowl 8:50 pm ((oh yikes)) NoodlesAtNight 8:50 pm ((it early Croc)) SideswipeStriker 8:50 pm .......so SideswipeStriker 8:51 pm Um... NoodlesAtNight 8:51 pm [[Yes?]] SideswipeStriker 8:51 pm Humans aren't supposed to look like that MedicalMurdersaurus 8:51 pm *looks around to see if there is a nearby pillow or blanket* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:51 pm I mean, it could have been a much worse look for a human. NoodlesAtNight 8:51 pm [[Generally not, no. One of Strange's experiments, he expects.]] SideswipeStriker 8:51 pm Yeah, but what the frag? And yikes SideswipeStriker 8:52 pm Strange is kinda like....Shockwave verdigrisprowl 8:52 pm The shoes are a decoy. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:52 pm *yanks a nearby blanket away from its home and throws it over himself for maximum giggly hiding* NoodlesAtNight 8:52 pm [[He gave the human girl a reptilian arm, after all. Simple work to give this human... they looked like scales. He will go with scales.]] verdigrisprowl 8:52 pm Yep. NoodlesAtNight 8:52 pm *Pings Prowl. Good work, there.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:52 pm I would assume scales. NoodlesAtNight 8:52 pm [[And yes, he is.]] verdigrisprowl 8:52 pm Back up. SideswipeStriker 8:52 pm Ah... verdigrisprowl 8:52 pm Double tap. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:52 pm If you have to look for a corpse, your foe is not dead enough yet. Kill it again. verdigrisprowl 8:53 pm At any rate, don't get out of the car. Keep driving. SideswipeStriker 8:53 pm Ah. NoodlesAtNight 8:53 pm *Laserbeak comes down with Ravage, who has a mouthful of something. He wanders over to Swoop and promptly deposits it at Swoop's feet. Behold: a severed tongue.* {{Bird got it back.}} verdigrisprowl 8:53 pm Seriously? He blows off HOW many bullet shots, and now he's conveniently not wearing bulletproof armor? When and why did he take off his bulletproof armor? MedicalMurdersaurus 8:53 pm *peaks out from under the blanket, sees the tongue, and immediately starts SHRIEKING with laughter* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:53 pm No, he's not dead. SideswipeStriker 8:53 pm Ooooor not NoodlesAtNight 8:53 pm [[Oh, really, Ravage. He thought he told you to get rid of that thing.]] opatoes 8:54 pm throw the gun at him! SideswipeStriker 8:54 pm Oh slag SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:54 pm Throw the gun. NoodlesAtNight 8:54 pm ((AW YEAH)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:54 pm ((PENGUINO)) Arcee-Autobot 8:54 pm Arcee took a seat on the Floor and Hugged her Knees watching what was on [[ Its a Pengu boiii]] verdigrisprowl 8:54 pm HA! NoodlesAtNight 8:54 pm *Bird CACKLES* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:54 pm ...Oh no. SideswipeStriker 8:54 pm HAH opatoes 8:54 pm PHFFHF MedicalMurdersaurus 8:54 pm *looks over at the sound and OADSIHFIAUDSHFJDSFHGKHDFKJND* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:54 pm Finally, enough kill. Arcee-Autobot 8:54 pm That's going to leave a mark SideswipeStriker 8:54 pm Oh, oh that's a fun feeling SCProwl 8:55 pm *laughs* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:55 pm *could not laugh LOUDER than he is right now* *on the floor* *dying* verdigrisprowl 8:55 pm *covers mouth and collapses against Soundwave, shaking* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:55 pm *SO GOOD* SCProwl 8:55 pm W-well that's one way to make sure he won't come back a second time. NoodlesAtNight 8:55 pm *Soundwave valiantly tries to stay upright so Prowl has a support to laugh into. He's a bit wobbly himself, though.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:55 pm ((I can't fucking breathe, that was /hilarious/)) SideswipeStriker 8:55 pm ((THAT WAS AWESOME SCProwl 8:56 pm ((that was the best scene this entire season NoodlesAtNight 8:56 pm ((i have been waiting m o n t h s in the hopes we would get to that so i could see y'all react)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:56 pm *the dragon hums contemplatively* They could have burned the rest of the effluvia as well. Leave no scrap behind. verdigrisprowl 8:56 pm ((it killed me)) SideswipeStriker 8:56 pm -face in knees, laughing still at the rocket launcher- MedicalMurdersaurus 8:56 pm *actually flailing he's laughing so hard* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:56 pm ((I spat water on the computer and also the cat)) NoodlesAtNight 8:56 pm {{Him Swoop dead. You Ravage take outside, bury.}} ((oh dear, poor cat)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:57 pm *lets out a squeak at the "threat" and is just so delighted by the entire world right now* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:57 pm ...Oh no. opatoes 8:57 pm ((i might head out because i'm too busy to stay but that was a good scene and D : NoodlesAtNight 8:57 pm ((i'm glad you got to see that at least!!)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:57 pm ((the cat will forgive me later)) opatoes 8:57 pm Soundwave- Something came up in my universe, and I've gotta go, but- I'll catch up with you later? SideswipeStriker 8:57 pm ((awww ((g'night then! NoodlesAtNight 8:58 pm [[Oh? Be safe, then.]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:58 pm Strange is starting a cult. Arcee-Autobot 8:59 pm *Arcee was pretty content hugging her knees wathcing* If she doesn't remind me of airachnid? SideswipeStriker 8:59 pm Yikes NoodlesAtNight 8:59 pm ((also, while i have most of you here: starting s3 in about two months from now, y/n? i do warn that it has a creepy opening storyline because the mad hatter's in it, and that you're going to fucking hate the riddler if you don't already, but aside from that it's good stuff)) SideswipeStriker 8:59 pm Goddess of Fire huh? verdigrisprowl 8:59 pm I wonder what would have happened if she'd held still and refused to run. If she didn't serve as a "test," would Firefly refused to fight her? MedicalMurdersaurus 8:59 pm ((I'm in it for the long haul, man.)) SideswipeStriker 9:00 pm ((yeeeees MedicalMurdersaurus 9:00 pm *flops out, limbs sliding out all over ot make himself into quite the lanky mess* ((I love harvey)) NoodlesAtNight 9:01 pm [[He expects Bridgit would still burn her.]] verdigrisprowl 9:01 pm Mmm, yes, the fact that they're talking about sacrifices leads me to believe she might have just killed her anyway. But until then, it could've gone either way. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:01 pm Bird! You funny. Me Swoop love You : > NoodlesAtNight 9:01 pm ((any other votes for y/n?)) verdigrisprowl 9:01 pm ((fine by me)) SCProwl 9:01 pm ((y SideswipeStriker 9:02 pm .....oh damn, there are more like Strange? NoodlesAtNight 9:02 pm ((in two months it is then)) [[...Fascinating. His eyes have no color.]] SCProwl 9:02 pm ((i want to get us to s4 because. reasons NoodlesAtNight 9:03 pm {{You Swoop silly.}} *She pats him. Ravage goes over to curl around Soundwave's ankles.* Arcee-Autobot 9:03 pm *Arcee felt herself Physically cringe as she covered her face* gross.. verdigrisprowl 9:03 pm ((his superpower is that he's a comic book character)) SideswipeStriker 9:03 pm .............. NoodlesAtNight 9:03 pm *Perks.* [[Octopod DNA? Then that is the ability to-- oh, fascinating. Fascinating.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 9:04 pm *leans into the pats a bit* NoodlesAtNight 9:04 pm @P: [[Strange has obviously never met Tarantulas.]] SCProwl 9:04 pm ((FIIIIISH verdigrisprowl 9:05 pm @S «Mm.» *he's too bothered by the whole "design their personas" bit to offer more of a reply than that.* SideswipeStriker 9:05 pm I....think it's a good thing I came tonight NoodlesAtNight 9:05 pm *That's less amused than he would have expected in an ideal situation. He suspects they've reached big discomfort levels again. He'll make a hand available* NoodlesAtNight 9:06 pm [[Oh? Why is that?]] SideswipeStriker 9:06 pm Uh....reasons verdigrisprowl 9:07 pm *... it was only a momentary flash of discomfort. ongoing comfort isn't needed. how does he indicate that?* NoodlesAtNight 9:07 pm *Oh, and cuttlefish now? He's obviously getting into the good Earth animals. Too bad this is how he chooses to do it.* verdigrisprowl 9:07 pm *............ low-fives Soundwave's hand.* NoodlesAtNight 9:07 pm {{Him got point.}} ((big flashy)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:07 pm *was too busy mooning over Bird to pay attention* Huh? NoodlesAtNight 9:07 pm ((when it returns to her)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:09 pm ((poor ed)) NoodlesAtNight 9:09 pm *Soundwave tilts his head, trying to process what the hand slap means. It's not a proper slap - not angry - so that would make it... acknowledgment of hand presence? Which didn't linger. So Prowl knows it's there and didn't take it, yes? Then he's either all right or doesn't want that particular form. Soundwave will give a tiny nod and then let his hand settle back in his lap.* NoodlesAtNight 9:10 pm {{Them bit about - "her already dead," about electric damage. It good point.}} *She's pretty sure Swoop wasn't listening but she tries anyway.* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:10 pm Oh. *has no clue what Bird is referencing* Okay. : > NoodlesAtNight 9:10 pm *Yep, that is one blank Swoop.* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:11 pm You Bird tiniest visor eeeeeeever : > NoodlesAtNight 9:11 pm ((i LOVE this damn suit god)) verdigrisprowl 9:11 pm *look at that, Prowl aced that communication.* SCProwl 9:11 pm ((yass queen SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:12 pm *cackles* SideswipeStriker 9:12 pm Well SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:12 pm ((precision "bitch")) SideswipeStriker 9:12 pm Looks like, she came back with her memory Arcee-Autobot 9:12 pm *Arcee gave a little Happy Clap* verdigrisprowl 9:12 pm They mentioned that cuttlefish DNA enhances brains or something, didn't they? NoodlesAtNight 9:13 pm [[That they can repair brain cells.]] *Nods. And smiles. Such good creatures. How happy he is that she can't be fed one of Strange's stories.* SideswipeStriker 9:13 pm Ooooo that could have done it verdigrisprowl 9:13 pm Yes, that. ... Cuttle Fish Mooney. NoodlesAtNight 9:13 pm [[Heh.]] SCProwl 9:13 pm *huffs* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:13 pm Cuddle? :V *glances at Bird* NoodlesAtNight 9:14 pm {{Oh, look there! It Arcee. Hi, Arcee.}} *Floats over to escape any possibility of huggy Swoop.* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:14 pm *wilts just the tiniest bit* NoodlesAtNight 9:14 pm *Attempts to perch on Arcee's head with both feelers.* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:14 pm : < Arcee-Autobot 9:15 pm * Will only allow this because She is in a good mood* NoodlesAtNight 9:15 pm *...Bird wasn't expecting to be allowed to do this. She now has no idea what to do with this power.* *Sit there and preen, she supposes.* verdigrisprowl 9:15 pm ... They just, have him—hidden in the trunk, like— ...... Okay, I guess. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:16 pm *rolls on the ground to turn himself into a burrito* NoodlesAtNight 9:16 pm [[Oh, he kept his uniform?]] verdigrisprowl 9:17 pm ((i appreciate mr. fox subtly calling out how messed up the prison uniforms are)) SideswipeStriker 9:17 pm -snorts- NoodlesAtNight 9:17 pm ((same)) NoodlesAtNight 9:18 pm [[Do not drink it unless he does.]] SideswipeStriker 9:18 pm If he's smart he won't NoodlesAtNight 9:18 pm [[Rather a harsh punishment for bad joke telling.]] verdigrisprowl 9:19 pm *... suddenly huffs a laugh* NoodlesAtNight 9:19 pm *Glance and tilt.* NoodlesAtNight 9:20 pm *Oh, it IS Shockwave. Hmm.* verdigrisprowl 9:20 pm Ah—reminded me of—something Tarantulas did. NoodlesAtNight 9:20 pm [[Ah.]] SCProwl 9:21 pm Ugh. SideswipeStriker 9:22 pm ......... verdigrisprowl 9:22 pm That's some spectacular victim blaming. SideswipeStriker 9:22 pm Kid, up your acting skills NoodlesAtNight 9:22 pm [[Isn't it, though.]] [[Good youngling.]] SideswipeStriker 9:23 pm Good kid, bad idea verdigrisprowl 9:23 pm Good, but stupid. Agree with the killer while you're in the room, go home, work against him. NoodlesAtNight 9:24 pm [[He does have much to learn.]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:24 pm She did something. verdigrisprowl 9:25 pm ... ugh. *more mind control* verdigrisprowl 9:26 pm They have no appreciate for the scientific process. The fact that he hasn't succeeded /yet/ doesn't mean he's failed. That's nonsense. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:27 pm ((he did)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:27 pm ((of all the things to demand, I'm very entertained that's what she picked)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:28 pm ((to be fair, grilled cheese sandwiches are Tastey)) verdigrisprowl 9:28 pm ((on the one hand, the fact that she can control people to do her bidding is cool)) ((on the other hand, she's fish mooney. she already could do that.)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:28 pm ((and goddamn is her hair perfect despite just being a corpse like half an hour ago)) SideswipeStriker 9:29 pm -back to silently watching the film- NoodlesAtNight 9:29 pm *...Quietly hopes she will get her claws on Hugo Strange. If she has it, at least she could do some good for everyone with it.* {{What DNA them give her, dragon?}} [[No, no. It is the suit she had before.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 9:29 pm *is a wiggly burrito who is having a hard time not bursting into sympathy flames* : > SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:30 pm Her face didn't burn, either. NoodlesAtNight 9:30 pm [[They did say she'd become fireproof last time we saw her.]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:30 pm Although, I must say, /I'm/ not fireproof. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:30 pm Me SWOOP am fireproof!!! NoodlesAtNight 9:30 pm {{...Maybe you dragon get him Swoop power.}} SideswipeStriker 9:31 pm Oh nice verdigrisprowl 9:31 pm Oh look, probable cause. ... They're going to be blown up, aren't they. SideswipeStriker 9:31 pm Probably SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:31 pm I think I'd have to eat him to get his power, and I don't want to do that. verdigrisprowl 9:31 pm This police department has the highest mortality rate. NoodlesAtNight 9:31 pm [[It /is/ Gotham. He doesn't know many human cities with these kinds of superhumans in it.]] NoodlesAtNight 9:32 pm *Amused by Prowl's complete lack of faith in them, though.* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:32 pm ((I love this Bruce but he is going to be so obviously, blatantly Batman once that time comes.)) NoodlesAtNight 9:33 pm [[...How does Strange know? A mole? Not that he would be surpr-- what in the Pits is that.]] verdigrisprowl 9:33 pm ((jim goes "who are you?" and bruce growls "i'm batman" and jim goes ah god fuck bruce kid that's not even convincing)) NoodlesAtNight 9:33 pm [[Are they baking him...?]] SideswipeStriker 9:33 pm Um NoodlesAtNight 9:33 pm ((lmao)) verdigrisprowl 9:34 pm ((turtleneck)) NoodlesAtNight 9:34 pm [[His neck looks nothing like a turtle's.]] verdigrisprowl 9:34 pm ... I don't actually know what a turtle's neck looks like. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:35 pm ((OH IT'S CLAYFACE)) NoodlesAtNight 9:35 pm [[Very wrinkly, shades of green, black, grey, and brown.]] ((YES IT IS 😀 )) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:35 pm ((This Riddler is so strong at some points and so wat at others.)) NoodlesAtNight 9:35 pm ((octopuses can mimic, after all)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:35 pm ((that took me a lil too long)) SideswipeStriker 9:35 pm Um.... SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:35 pm ((durr)) That is decidedly not how evolution works. SideswipeStriker 9:36 pm Okay, I'm a bit worried They're all nuts NoodlesAtNight 9:36 pm [[Well, yes.]] SideswipeStriker 9:37 pm ......right, asylum NoodlesAtNight 9:37 pm [[A human Makeshift, then.]] NoodlesAtNight 9:38 pm *As he suspected.* SideswipeStriker 9:38 pm No idea who Makeshift is, but damn SCProwl 9:38 pm Shapeshifter. SideswipeStriker 9:38 pm Good disguise SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:38 pm ((BRB, gotta restart computer. it is drunk)) SideswipeStriker 9:38 pm Oh! Nice. NoodlesAtNight 9:38 pm ((go go go good episode)) SideswipeStriker 9:39 pm Well shit NoodlesAtNight 9:39 pm *She stretches a feeler out to the rag filled with food and brings it close to herself for maximum munch.* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:39 pm ((My internet is so jumpy tonight I can barely watch. It's getting too crunchy. Everyone enjoy just having a swoop burrito asleep in the middle of Dancitron. Feel free to trip on him lol)) NoodlesAtNight 9:39 pm ((aaaaah okay ;; i'm so sorry)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:39 pm ((later!)) NoodlesAtNight 9:40 pm *Oh, yes. Ravage told him about this. Hand available again.* verdigrisprowl 9:41 pm *shudders* *this time, he'll take it.* Arcee-Autobot 9:41 pm *Arcee Physically covered her face and winced* verdigrisprowl 9:41 pm *a needle in your neck that forces you to give up your secrets* NoodlesAtNight 9:41 pm *Squeezes it gently. Prowl can crush his hand as much as he needs for this.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:41 pm ((am back)) NoodlesAtNight 9:41 pm *Laserbeak pats Arcee.* ((wb)) SideswipeStriker 9:41 pm ......................... SideswipeStriker 9:42 pm -mutters- VERY good thing I came today SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:42 pm ((this is not a good jim)) NoodlesAtNight 9:42 pm ((one of my favorite things in any tv show/movie is an actor having to pretend to do a bad job of their own acting)) ((this episode is, therefore, utterly delightful)) verdigrisprowl 9:42 pm He's a very bad Gym. ((it's a delight)) NoodlesAtNight 9:42 pm [[For one thing, he smiles far too much.]] verdigrisprowl 9:43 pm And Gym would never say "he's connected to people we can't cross." He'd drive directly to those people's houses, and cross them. NoodlesAtNight 9:43 pm *Soft snort.* SideswipeStriker 9:43 pm From the sounds of the guy, he'd more run them OVER NoodlesAtNight 9:44 pm [[That is technically still crossing them. Just... more directly.]] verdigrisprowl 9:44 pm No, running them over wouldn't let him punch them in the face. SideswipeStriker 9:45 pm Fair enough, but damn he'd not say that NoodlesAtNight 9:45 pm [[She is a living being.]] SideswipeStriker 9:46 pm She's kinda...uh....wow SCProwl 9:46 pm Scientists like her and Strange don't care. *the Shockwave is implied* NoodlesAtNight 9:46 pm *Approves of Penguin's trophy-keeping habit.* SideswipeStriker 9:46 pm That's decaying verdigrisprowl 9:46 pm ((i think this is the only moment i've ever liked barbara)) SideswipeStriker 9:46 pm Be better if it wasn't NoodlesAtNight 9:46 pm [[He's a criminal overlord, not a taxidermist.]] SideswipeStriker 9:47 pm ......true NoodlesAtNight 9:47 pm [[Yes. Yes, it was, Jim.]] *Bristles at this "imagine I am god" business* verdigrisprowl 9:48 pm *squeezes* NoodlesAtNight 9:48 pm *Squeezes back.* SideswipeStriker 9:48 pm So. I don't like him NoodlesAtNight 9:48 pm [[He does not blame you.]] NoodlesAtNight 9:49 pm [[...This is an intriguing question.]] verdigrisprowl 9:49 pm Well, NOW he's heard of a secret council. SideswipeStriker 9:50 pm ...... SCProwl 9:50 pm I doubt Strange intends to let him live. NoodlesAtNight 9:50 pm [[It sounds as though you are correct.]] verdigrisprowl 9:50 pm Ah, fair. SideswipeStriker 9:51 pm -huffs- NoodlesAtNight 9:51 pm [[Oh, that is cruel.]] *He wanted to know.* verdigrisprowl 9:51 pm I think Strange gave us the answer. NoodlesAtNight 9:51 pm [[Well, yes. But he wants to know who this masked council IS.]] NoodlesAtNight 9:52 pm [[If they control Gotham, they do a terrible job of it.]] verdigrisprowl 9:52 pm I doubt he'd have told Add. SideswipeStriker 9:52 pm Um..... NoodlesAtNight 9:52 pm [[Probably not, no.]] *That is some Disappointment tone.* [[He must have hit the wrong button.]] SideswipeStriker 9:53 pm Pffff NoodlesAtNight 9:53 pm [[So do it. He wants to know.]] verdigrisprowl 9:54 pm ((i could make that mask)) NoodlesAtNight 9:54 pm ((they're gorgeous masks)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:55 pm ((lmao very very bad jim)) SideswipeStriker 9:55 pm Heh NoodlesAtNight 9:55 pm ((COMPLICATED POLICE BUSINESS)) SideswipeStriker 9:56 pm Disguise ain't good if you don't have the facts to back it up verdigrisprowl 9:56 pm I suppose the disguise only needs to work for a few hours. SCProwl 9:56 pm *huffs* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:57 pm *snickers* NoodlesAtNight 9:57 pm [[He didn't deny it.]] =She is good cat, for a human.= SideswipeStriker 9:57 pm True verdigrisprowl 9:58 pm *moving people like cargo.* SideswipeStriker 9:58 pm And.....holy shit. verdigrisprowl 9:59 pm *why is there always MORE of this stuff?* *why does the quantity never decrease? one person stops being mind-controlled and a new person learns to mind control. it never ends. prowl can't stand it.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:59 pm She's going to eat him alive. SideswipeStriker 9:59 pm -because this series hates Prowl and anyone that went through what he has- verdigrisprowl 10:00 pm ((she didn't even mind control the other orderlies. they're just like "yeah okay we're following patient 13 now i guess")) NoodlesAtNight 10:01 pm ((they get paid either way, what do they care lol)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:01 pm ((to be fair, if Strange was my boss...)) SideswipeStriker 10:01 pm ((true enough NoodlesAtNight 10:02 pm *At least they have a vague idea something's wrong here.* *Too bad they think it's because he's ill.* SideswipeStriker 10:02 pm -heavy sigh- verdigrisprowl 10:03 pm Is she going to be the one who figures it out. Ah. NoodlesAtNight 10:03 pm [[...Oh, that is disgusting.]] [[At least /someone/ worked it out.]] SideswipeStriker 10:04 pm Hoooo boy NoodlesAtNight 10:05 pm ((i love that shot)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:05 pm ((fight! fight! fight! fight!)) SideswipeStriker 10:05 pm ((it's awesome SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:05 pm Oh, dear. He's dead. SideswipeStriker 10:05 pm HOLY SLAG verdigrisprowl 10:05 pm ((damn, i was looking in another window)) SideswipeStriker 10:05 pm Buddy, he ain't wakin' up NoodlesAtNight 10:05 pm ((i'll screencap it in a bit)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:06 pm Huh. He's /not/ dead. NoodlesAtNight 10:06 pm [[No doubt he is not well, at least.]] SideswipeStriker 10:07 pm WHAT SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:07 pm FAIRLY LOW IS NOT A GOOD ANSWER NoodlesAtNight 10:07 pm [[...He must be very scared of this council if that is his answer.]] SideswipeStriker 10:07 pm Hooooooly shit SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:08 pm ((lmao "fair enough")) verdigrisprowl 10:08 pm Don't say "just do it," "there's going to be a radioactive explosion if you don't" is a perfectly good explanation. SideswipeStriker 10:08 pm Good answer verdigrisprowl 10:08 pm What do you have against giving a normal, reasonable explanation. NoodlesAtNight 10:08 pm [[A temper?]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:08 pm Huh, the riddling human is as clever as before. NoodlesAtNight 10:09 pm [[Why would he not be?]] verdigrisprowl 10:09 pm ... Would pushing the red button again pause it. SideswipeStriker 10:09 pm Or it could set it off. NoodlesAtNight 10:10 pm [[Likely not. Large red buttons tend to be... final.]] *Nods in agreement with Sideswipe* *VERY scared, if he's not even running after all his self-preservation behavior* verdigrisprowl 10:10 pm They took the time to lock him up again? Why? SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:10 pm ...I feel like that should not work. NoodlesAtNight 10:10 pm [[He can't imagine they want him running around again.]] NoodlesAtNight 10:11 pm [[--Oh!]] *Huffing* SideswipeStriker 10:11 pm HAH Oh man, the luck on those two verdigrisprowl 10:12 pm Nobody's here, he can just climb out the vents again. NoodlesAtNight 10:12 pm [[Perhaps he will, when he calms down?]] verdigrisprowl 10:12 pm He'll have to do it fast, police are swarming the compound now. SideswipeStriker 10:13 pm Um.... NoodlesAtNight 10:14 pm [[That car is too small to win a game of cryochicken.]] verdigrisprowl 10:14 pm A moment of silence for the cop car that's about to get flattened. SideswipeStriker 10:14 pm That's an armored bus BAD IDEA NoodlesAtNight 10:14 pm [[But a valiant car nonetheless.]] [[Well. Human.]] SideswipeStriker 10:14 pm -winces- SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:15 pm *oof* SideswipeStriker 10:15 pm Oh, that's right, she used to be his boss SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:15 pm He shot her in the knee. He also shot the Penguin human in the knee, though. NoodlesAtNight 10:16 pm [[So much for loyalty.]] *Pause.* [[But then, he supposes he would be disturbed by an undead version of his bosses.]] SideswipeStriker 10:16 pm Yeah, I'd be running too verdigrisprowl 10:16 pm Did he know she'd supposedly died? I thought she was... off by herself when that happened. SideswipeStriker 10:16 pm ....ish NoodlesAtNight 10:17 pm [[He knew. He was there when Penguin pushed her over the cliff wall.]] SideswipeStriker 10:17 pm Kid is going diggin verdigrisprowl 10:18 pm ... Didn't she survive that and end up on that island? He's made too many attempts on her life, I can't keep track. I don't remember which one actually killed her. SideswipeStriker 10:18 pm Um.... NoodlesAtNight 10:18 pm [[No, no. The island was before that. She came back, attempted a coup, and was killed.]] SideswipeStriker 10:18 pm Oh no NoodlesAtNight 10:18 pm [[...Oh, this won't be good.]] SideswipeStriker 10:18 pm Lady, RUN verdigrisprowl 10:19 pm ((they'd BETTER be nice to her, she let them out)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:19 pm ((no good deed goes unpunished)) NoodlesAtNight 10:19 pm [[....What.]] SideswipeStriker 10:19 pm WHAT verdigrisprowl 10:20 pm ((GOOD. they were nice to her.)) NoodlesAtNight 10:20 pm [[Well. Now he has TWO things he wants to know.]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:20 pm *the dragon stretches* Thank you for movie night, Soundwave! SCProwl 10:20 pm Only two? NoodlesAtNight 10:20 pm [[You are welcome, dragon.]] [[Well. Two /main/ things. He always wants to know much, much more than that.]] SideswipeStriker 10:20 pm The mimic thing, guy, wasn't on the bus! NoodlesAtNight 10:20 pm ((time marker, 10:41)) [[Of course not. He had already gotten out to play Jim.]] SideswipeStriker 10:21 pm The what was that? NoodlesAtNight 10:21 pm [[He has not the faintest idea.]] verdigrisprowl 10:22 pm Maybe there were two. NoodlesAtNight 10:22 pm [[...Actually - he does wonder. The Loeb human kept his daughter hidden because he did not want anyone to know about her. Perhaps this is the case with this human? Bruce's father already kept secrets.]] verdigrisprowl 10:22 pm Secret twin? SCProwl 10:22 pm A clone or a twin. NoodlesAtNight 10:22 pm [[Perhaps?]] SideswipeStriker 10:22 pm Huh Could work NoodlesAtNight 10:23 pm [[Then again, he did seem pleased with Basil's ability. Perhaps they /did/ make another shapeshifter. It would be useful.]] *Tapping his fingers.* SCProwl 10:23 pm Though them being a twin seems to go against everything we've heard about Bruce's father. SideswipeStriker 10:23 pm Soooo a clone verdigrisprowl 10:23 pm Maybe the twin was kidnapped at birth and Brace's parents were told the second one died. SCProwl 10:24 pm That is a possibility. SideswipeStriker 10:24 pm Wouldn't they want to see the body at least? NoodlesAtNight 10:24 pm [[He /has/ heard stories of humans kidnapping offspring while still in the hospital.]] [[Oh, that is a good point too... of course, a Gotham hospital /would/ be so corrupt as to find a way to lie about it.]] verdigrisprowl 10:25 pm ((until i find out who he is, i'm dubbing him Woose Brain.)) NoodlesAtNight 10:25 pm [[Surely not /every/ human newbuild survives...]]

((omg)) SideswipeStriker 10:25 pm But against a couple like the Waynes? NoodlesAtNight 10:25 pm [[Why not? Strange kept secrets from him.]] [[And was his best friend.]] verdigrisprowl 10:25 pm Worth millions in hostage fees down the line. SideswipeStriker 10:25 pm -huffs- True SideswipeStriker 10:26 pm Forgot this is Strange we're talkin' about Arcee-Autobot 10:26 pm [[ Im currently Video chatting with a New Knockout Page, so Knockout says Hello!]] NoodlesAtNight 10:27 pm ((hi knockout!)) [[That is a long, long term game for a human. The hostage fees. It would be most impressive... and within Strange's ability to scheme, he'd think.]] SCProwl 10:28 pm Well, I suppose we'll find out eventually if you show more recordings of that universe. NoodlesAtNight 10:29 pm [[He thinks he would like to, as... mm, aggravating as some things about it can be, sometimes. He really would like to find out how deep this conspiracy goes.]] SideswipeStriker 10:30 pm Same here SCProwl 10:30 pm Agreed. Either way, I need to be getting back. Good night, everyone. SideswipeStriker 10:30 pm 'night! NoodlesAtNight 10:30 pm *"Aggravating" being polite term for "all this damn mind control", and all.* [[Ah. Goodnight.]] SideswipeStriker 10:30 pm Annnnnd on that note, I gotta get goin' myself SideswipeStriker 10:31 pm Later! NoodlesAtNight 10:31 pm [[Very well. Tell Blaster and Sunstreaker hello for him, would you?]] Arcee-Autobot 10:32 pm *Arcee is still very much Here, and Enjoying a cold drink* NoodlesAtNight 10:33 pm *She may be if she wishes - for another eight minutes, at least.* [[You have been gone quite a while. No great threats to your timeline, he hopes...?]] Arcee-Autobot 10:34 pm No great threats I promise Arcee-Autobot 10:35 pm Just Knockout constantly asking for my attention 😅 NoodlesAtNight 10:36 pm [[Hm. Can't reach a spot on his back with his buffer, he expects.]] Arcee-Autobot 10:37 pm Exactly correct actually but now its handled NoodlesAtNight 10:38 pm [[Good, good. The Doctor can be temperamental when he isn't in tip top shape.]] NoodlesAtNight 10:39 pm [[But now, he must close for the night. There is much cleaning to do.]] *Stares at Swoop's soot marks.* [[Much, much cleaning.]] Arcee-Autobot 10:39 pm *Arcee will have to go soon, but wouldn't mind if anyone wished to invade her Ask box* verdigrisprowl 10:39 pm I'll help. NoodlesAtNight 10:39 pm *Perhaps he will do so soon. He's been Quiet lately.* [[Ah, thank you, Prowl.]] verdigrisprowl 10:39 pm *"""lately"""* Arcee-Autobot 10:40 pm Alright I'm going to go, See you both Later NoodlesAtNight 10:40 pm *Listen here, you.* [[Farewell, Arcee. He hopes you will attend again soon.]] verdigrisprowl 10:40 pm *LISTEN TO WHAT* *vague farewell nod to arcee* NoodlesAtNight 10:41 pm *LOOK, HE TALKS IN HEADS. IT COUNTS.* [[Thank you for your offer of assistance. The day the Autobots in that timeline ever teach Swoop manners is the day he will have to retire.]] NoodlesAtNight 10:42 pm *Vents and stretches feelers back to get rags and a spray bottle of solvent to get to work on the floor. From a sitting down position for the moment, because he'll let Prowl decide when to get up.* verdigrisprowl 10:43 pm *he was about to head for them himself. He thought he was going to clean the floor. apparently not.* ... Who's doing what? NoodlesAtNight 10:44 pm [[He thought he should tackle the graffiti soot, as he did draw in it himself as well. If you would like to handle the furniture...? He is certain you have seen him put the pieces back more than enough times to track where they go - and likely better than his own deployers, at that.]] verdigrisprowl 10:46 pm Yyyyes, I know where they go. *can he LIFT them is the question. how much of a load can a holomatter avatar carry. how heavy are the chairs.* NoodlesAtNight 10:47 pm *Soundwave pauses mid scrubbing motion.* [[Hesitation?]] *Prowl doesn't usually elongate a sound like that.* verdigrisprowl 10:48 pm ... I don't know if I can lift them. *TIME TO FIND OUT* NoodlesAtNight 10:49 pm [[...Oh. He never thought of that.]] *He stops to watch, curious as anything now.* *The couches are fairly heavy, but the tables and individual chairs shouldn't be too bad. It's not as though he ever needs to use the Tyton-sized ones for these nights, after all.* verdigrisprowl 10:50 pm *he'll start small and work up. tables first.* NoodlesAtNight 10:51 pm *Brings a hand up to rest his chin on his knuckles. Nothing wrong with a good bit of observing a handsome mech in action.* verdigrisprowl 10:52 pm *he's a couple tables in when he realizes that he may, in fact, actually be slowing productivity down.* ... So far so good. NoodlesAtNight 10:53 pm *...Oh! Oh. Yes. He should. He should be productive, shouldn't he. While he watches. He was supposed to learn that lesson last week, after - er. After that conversation.*

*So he'll keep his optics on Prowl and scrub at the soot again. There we go.* NoodlesAtNight 10:54 pm [[What happens if you cannot lift it in your avatar state? Does it--]] *Wiggles the fingers under his chin.* [[Slide through your hands, or...?]] verdigrisprowl 10:55 pm If an avatar is hit with a load that will shatter it, it turns off and reboots. I suspect trying to lift something too big for it to support will yield the same results, although I haven't tried. NoodlesAtNight 10:56 pm [[...We could find out. Unless the shattering is painful.]] verdigrisprowl 10:56 pm Only a little. verdigrisprowl 10:57 pm Anyway, I'm about to find out one way or another. *he's about to the couches.* NoodlesAtNight 10:58 pm *Scrubs faster in anticipation and leans forward. That floor is going to be SHINY clean with how productive he's trying to be to make up for his distraction.* verdigrisprowl 10:58 pm *surveys a couch criticially. circles it once. hmmm.* verdigrisprowl 10:59 pm *crouches down and attempts to lift it from the middle. nope. not moving.* *moves to one side and tries to lift the end. it barely lifts. sets it back down.* *regards it contemplatively.* NoodlesAtNight 11:00 pm *Oh, this is damned thrilling. It's like a movie. Will he lift it or won't he? It's ridiculous and such a little thing but Soundwave just Has To Know.* verdigrisprowl 11:00 pm *heAVES UP THE END* verdigrisprowl 11:01 pm *his avatar pops and resets, standing up, a few feet away. the couch crashes back down.* Hm. ... Sorry. NoodlesAtNight 11:02 pm *Soundwave lets out a long vent and collapses back against the couch he's currently sitting on, disappointed and yet not at all.* [[Do not be. Now he knows, and that is his favorite thing.]] verdigrisprowl 11:02 pm No no, I meant for dropping it. I'm not done. NoodlesAtNight 11:02 pm [[Oh, and he has gotten all the soo--]] *Sits up again and peers at the couch.* [[You're not done?]] verdigrisprowl 11:02 pm No. verdigrisprowl 11:03 pm *another moment of quiet calculation.* NoodlesAtNight 11:03 pm *Debates getting up to clean something else. ... One feeler to grab himself a snack while the other one puts the rest of the fuel away. He's right here munching and mesmerized.* *He does so love having extra limbs at times like this. Especially ones that do their own seeing.* verdigrisprowl 11:03 pm *then he scales up to 41 feet and... 3.2 inches.* NoodlesAtNight 11:04 pm [[Primus--]] *Oh no, he's hot. Ter.* verdigrisprowl 11:04 pm *the couch is MUCH easier to lift now* *sets it in place, and shrinks back down.* Yeah, I didn't like that. NoodlesAtNight 11:05 pm [[That's - it's quite all right. It's fine. You do not have to do it again. Though it was - impressive.]] verdigrisprowl 11:05 pm New plan. NoodlesAtNight 11:06 pm *Faintly, and bordering on hysteria* [[New plan?]] *Prowl's going to kill him. This is a murder attempt.* verdigrisprowl 11:06 pm *a space bridge opens underneath one couch. rather than the couch falling through the bridge, the bridge lifts up around the couch, until the couch has disappeared and the bridge shuts off.* verdigrisprowl 11:07 pm *the process is repeated where the couch is supposed to go, except this time the couch is emerging from the bottom of the bridge instead of disappearing into the top.* *ta da. didn't even drop.* NoodlesAtNight 11:07 pm *Stares. Openly. With a tee tiny o shape to his mouth.* NoodlesAtNight 11:08 pm [[...Why has he never thought of that?]] verdigrisprowl 11:08 pm Probably because you can lift them yourself. verdigrisprowl 11:09 pm *gets to work neatly banishing and re-summoning the remaining couches, one by one* NoodlesAtNight 11:09 pm [[Oh. Yes, he - he can, yes. That does make sense.]] *He'd be more composed there but he's watching Prowl pull this stunt multiple times, and damned if he isn't happy that he helped Prowl with what little bit Prowl didn't already figure out on his own. What a brilliant, creative mech his Prowl is.* verdigrisprowl 11:11 pm *and the deed is finished.* *looks at soundwave.* *completely deadpan:* Trap doors. NoodlesAtNight 11:12 pm *Slooooowly slides his face into the hand that was supporting his chin* verdigrisprowl 11:12 pm *proud* NoodlesAtNight 11:13 pm *Three affection pings. Even if he's quietly puffing into his skinny stick fingers while he does it.* verdigrisprowl 11:13 pm *ping ping ping* NoodlesAtNight 11:14 pm [[When should he expect--]] *Deep vent in. Come on, pull yourself together.* [[When should he expect your transfer to the arts and entertainment sector?]] verdigrisprowl 11:15 pm *barks a laugh* verdigrisprowl 11:16 pm When two plus two equals five. NoodlesAtNight 11:20 pm [[Pity. You would probably be a popular stage act here with some of the skills you've shown him over the years.]] *Finally gets up to offer a tiny bit of clapping and then finish up the bar cleanup.* [[But, you are an enforcer at spark, and who you are at spark is who he likes best. He will simply have to enjoy your juggling, balancing, and bridging in private.]] verdigrisprowl 11:21 pm *stops and thinks about that* ... I /do/ have enough tricks for a stage show. NoodlesAtNight 11:22 pm [[You do. You've never thought about that?]] verdigrisprowl 11:23 pm I can't say I've ever contemplated putting on a stage show, so no. NoodlesAtNight 11:25 pm *Nods. He's not that surprised by it.* [[Well, at least you know you have another potential cover should you ever have to be part of a big operation somewhere.]] verdigrisprowl 11:26 pm The ruse would fall apart the moment I opened my mouth. I do not have the demeanor of an entertainer. NoodlesAtNight 11:28 pm [[/That,/]] *waving one of the last snacks he's putting away before popping a piece in his mouth* [[is what long-distance audio broadcasts are for. Besides - there have been plenty of silent actors and entertainers. Some of the old human Earth ones he's seen you enjoy, even.]] verdigrisprowl 11:29 pm I do not have enough mobile parts in my face, much less the knowledge on how to use them, to be a Harpo. NoodlesAtNight 11:31 pm *Lightly dismissive gesture.* [[Masks only add to the mystery. But, he does not mean to push - only to offer ideas. If they do not suit you, they do not suit you, and that is as it is. Besides, there are already artists and entertainers in this building. A police officer - now that is a very different thing.]] *That is a very wide grin. He knows how shady they can be, and he knows Prowl knows too.* NoodlesAtNight 11:32 pm [[Thank you for moving the furniture. It was a welcome display of persistence and intellect.]] verdigrisprowl 11:32 pm It was also slow. It'll be faster next week. NoodlesAtNight 11:33 pm [[Oh? You mean to do that again, then?]] *Chews on that thought a moment.* [[Perhaps he'll trade a few of the pieces around from where they usually are on movie nights. Give you a bit of a game.]] verdigrisprowl 11:34 pm ... I'm trying to help you clean. I—I think we might have lost sight of that objective. NoodlesAtNight 11:35 pm [[There's no reason we can't enjoy the cleaning we do. It's certainly a mood lightener after half of Swoop's messes.]] NoodlesAtNight 11:36 pm [[In any case, it's clean in here now. The objective was completed.]] verdigrisprowl 11:37 pm Eventually, yes. I wouldn't call it a job well done, but at least it's a job done. NoodlesAtNight 11:38 pm [[It will do. He is coming to accept the realization that the first floor of his club will only be spotless from Tuesday nights through Friday afternoons.]] verdigrisprowl 11:40 pm ... Next week you'll be less distracted and I'll be faster. *he wants you to have that spotless club, soundwave* NoodlesAtNight 11:42 pm [[Oh, it isn't your fault. It is the nature of the general company he keeps. But he appreciates that. He is sure that between us, we will get as close to that as is possible.]] *You're so sweet, Prowl. Also, you can probably see why he tends to keep the apartment as close to sparkling as possible.* verdigrisprowl 11:43 pm It's not my fault, but it doesn't mean I can't help. NoodlesAtNight 11:44 pm *And helpful. Sweet and helpful. A proper good cop in the works if ever he saw one.* [[Thank you for that.]] *Offers a bunt?* verdigrisprowl 11:45 pm *he will lean in to accept it* NoodlesAtNight 11:47 pm *Bump. ... And quick affectionate nip. He just - has a lot of things he thinks and feels but cannot say, even if he /is/ the one of them that manages to talk about such things with less trouble.* NoodlesAtNight 11:48 pm [[So, then. What do you care to do with the rest of your evening? More bridging tricks? Rest? Ticket writing for Swoop's soot?]] *Curious tilt.* verdigrisprowl 11:48 pm *... he's gonna lean into that, too.* NoodlesAtNight 11:48 pm *Oh, oh, that's lovely. Good. Good.* verdigrisprowl 11:49 pm *that may end up being the answer to Soundwave's question.* NoodlesAtNight 11:51 pm *Oh! Well, then. He'll test tugging Prowl up closer to see if he can get away with settling his hands on those hip lights and nibbling again. Have to make sure. Good communications officers always double-check their work.* verdigrisprowl 11:53 pm *soundwave will be pleased to learn that he can, in fact, get away with all of the above, provided Prowl is allowed to get his hands around Soundwave's waist and find some biolights to trace* NoodlesAtNight 11:55 pm *Pleased isn't the word for it, but if it were? Yes. Yes, he is. And so is Prowl. Best they be left to that in peace - only one person here is a spy, after all. It'd be rude to step on such a fine, upstanding professional's toes.* verdigrisprowl 11:56 pm *indeed it would. a little privacy, then.*

[fantroll-purgatory]

@chrisjoshington​

Okay before we start: CD I first saw this submission through my mobile browser and therefore had no idea that you sent it and was gonna message you to BEG you to hold it for me. I love them so much holy shit. And I have some ideas.

Alternia, Beforus, or AU: Alternia

Themes/Story: Corday is nb and uses he/they/she interchangeably. He’s basically Theater Kid taken to its logical extreme. They’re a master of the art of disguise and utilize this skill to aid the rebellion. And also do some assassinations. So there’s her themes; theater, disguise, assassination. 

Thank you for giving this offering to me, an Adjacent to Theater Kid. I am planning a murder mystery party for my birthday. My birthday was three months ago. Corday is invited.

Name: Corday Nopper

Corday is a reference to Charlotte Corday, Marat’s assassin. Nopper references Noppera-bō, a mythical creature that disguises itself as human and can wipe off its face like a chalkboard. 

I…I never knew about Charlotte Corady before I read this holy shit.

Age: 9 sweeps,19.5 human years

Strife Specibus: Knifekind

I wanted to keep it simple and discrete for him. It’s also just subtly, just a little bit a reference to the assassination of Julius Caesar.  

I think you could also maybe get away with Staffkind if he’s into musical theater because of the pun.

Fetch Modus: Monologue Modus. They have to monologue for a minute about an object without saying the name of the object and their modus has to guess which item he’s talking about.

My main concern with this modus is that it doesn’t seem like Corday would use this one because it would require too much noise if they were sneaking around. Maybe a CHARADES MODUS? It plays into the acting without them needing to speak, and it lends itself to comedy when they need to retrieve, for example, a Perfectly Generic Object.

Blood Color: Indigo

They’re described as the enthusiasts of the spectrum and I thought that fit well for the level of Passion she brings to her job. 

Special Abilities: Nothing aside from the usual blueblood strength. 

Symbol and Meaning: I’ve been split between Sagio and Sagirius. I’m leaning Sagirius though since it’s called “the Bardic.” 

I can see either one working for her tbh, but I LOVE Hope players so I side very strongly with Sagirius.

Trolltag: zealousDeathspian. Zealous references their enthusiasm, Deathspian is a portmanteau of Death and Thespian. 

DEATHSPIAN IS SO GOOD. What about dramaticMurd–I’m kidding I’m kidding. If you wanna go even harder on the theme maybe Deathspion to include “espion” in the title?

Quirk: As neutral as they can possibly make it. Outside of their acts, they like to project a relatively neutral image to make them harder to pin down. They are partial to (~: emojis, though. Their one identifying marker. 

Ex: Just as normal as can be. Definitely not a fun assassin or anything. (~: 

They change the quirk up between disguises, though! 

Lusus: Probably a big raccoon with many faces. As a reference to shapeshifting racoons in Japanese mythology.

Personality: Have you ever met a method actor? He buys into roles with all the enthusiasm possible. If you have any question about her disguises’ lives or personalities or likes or dislikes, she has a thorough answer. If she has a long mission playing a character with a broken arm, she will Break Her Arm. 

They’re committed to this because they thoroughly believe in the good of the cause and that if everyone just works hard enough, they’ll succeed, and succeed Soon. They’re definitely an optimist to a somewhat critical degree. They expect most things to go right simply because they believe in it. 

He also has a tendency towards the ruthless. When he’s got a mark, the mark will die. He’ll do anything to accomplish his goal. He has a strict moral sense, but that moral sense includes Never Fail To Follow Through On A Promise. 

She’s predisposed to drama and acting over the top when hanging out with friends, but can actually be a very serious and competent person when she needs to be. Dedicated and focused and responsive and passionate. 

Interests: Theater, Musicals, Costumes, Makeup, Sculpting, Glassblowing, Jewelry Making- Basically anything to do with costume making. Soap Operas, Trashy Dramatic Tabloid Magazines, A Good Knife. 

Title: Witch of Hope

Hope seems to fit her because of her strong convictions and optimism as well as her willingness to do anything to reach her goal. He has a strong personality, so an active class makes sense. But the Witch comes in in the active change, the need to shape and mold the nature of all that potential and optimism that he holds into a usable form. 

Land: Land of Drapes and Pinion 

Dream Planet: Derse

Design party…: 

Leftmost: Their True Appearance/how they dress in front of friends. They hacked off their horns so they could put fakes in their place because they’re just that hardcore. And he also designed a new symbol to do a little more anonymity preservation. The shoes are from fan-troll. 

Blue: This is what she wears if she wants to walk around discretely. The goal is to be as generic as possible. The shoes are John’s! 

Purple: He disguises himself as a Bartender/Candy Vendor and runs in highblood circles to get Intel. The symbol is meant to look a bit like a lollipop. There’s sopor candies stuck in his hair. And I couldn’t decide on a good makeup so I did like… paint that looks like drool and a black eye. The suit and pants are both from fan-troll. 

Violet: Her most recent disguise, she assassinated a violet Career Adviser and took on her role. And uses this as a way to meet people she can convince to join the rebellion.  

Listen…I love him so so much my redesign is the MOST minimal thank you for this joy. I especially love that you kept visual continuity with the eyes without compromising your vision for him as a master of disguise.

Okay SO. Minimal minimal changes idk if I’d even go top to bottom. Let’s go left to right?

True Self

I liked how you gave Corday’s casual duds this very “hanging out backstage before curtain call” vibe so I pinned their hair back the way one might if they were gonna wear a wig over it.

I also figured like. Breaking her horns its badass and all but it may be difficult to fit a prosthetic horn over that? So I gave her slightly shaved down horns (she could even do this with her knife!) that could potentially fit a prosthetic over them.

For his mouth I really liked the look of his teeth but I figured if they stuck out too much then they would difficult to conceal when he was undercover so I colored their outline in grey to keep the definition while visually implying that they’re set further back from his gums.

For their shirt, I gave them their real symbol. If we’re gonna push that this is how they are with their friends then that’s them at their messiest and most relaxed, which would include aspects of their True Self.

Other than that just a few outline changed but all in all it’s a real good look.

Generic

So I edited the symbol you originally gave to her true self and shifted it over, mostly so it could feasibly comply with multiple sign languages? I also edited the horns so they’re just pointy and not so arrowlike.

For their disguise, I wanna explain my reasoning. So we know that hemoanonymity is effective in that people genuinely can’t tell what your blood color is, but that it’s also see as childish and immaturely rebellious, so doing so may bring you attention in a way that simply wearing a shirt with a blood colored symbol may not.

BUT

A really, really effective disguise makes the onlooker draw their own conclusions and feel much smarter than you are. So, fine! Let his symbol be hemonanon! Deck him out in grey-colored clothing that’s indistinguishable from others’ fashion choices.

but

If you look closely you’ll see that they’re wearing bronze ankle socks. They’re very small! Barely noticeable! Almost like something they’d worn them by mistake.

Someone speaking to her would obviously roll their eyes at her greyed-out sign and cast about for hints of her “real” blood color and see the socks. Aha, they’d think, she’s slipped up. Forgot to leave those at home, huh? And now that they think of it, it’s obvious she’s a bronzeblood. It’s not just the circle in her sign either; she may not be dressed to the nines, but look at the touch of mascara around her lower lashes! The slight gleam of her lip gloss. Typical bronzebloods. They can try to hide their blood color all they want, but their desire for creature comforts will always give them away.

Barvendor/Candytender

Once again, not much to change here. Made the white threads in their suit yellow for that little pop, and swapped out the tie for a loud bow tie for the whimsy. I also adjusted a few stands of hair that felt like they were laying oddly.

For the face paint, between the candy association and the single sharp snaggletooth, he’s already halfway to being a jack-o-lantern, so that’s what I used for his makeup! Other than that he was perfect.

Career Advisor

I lengthened her jacket collar and her sideburns to more deliberately cover up the space where there would be a line between her face and her fin; we don’t really know how far practical makeup can take us in this instance. Aside from that though I really didn’t have any fixes and tbh that was more because I felt like I had to futz with the sprite a little bit.

I LOVE THIS TROLL SO MUCH LONG LIVE CORDAY.

-TR

[laughingpinecone]

TP request for Every Woman Exchange because an “or” matching signup with 10 characters or groups is bound to be a wordy business!

Doris Truman

Group: Audrey Horne & Laura Palmer

Group: Laura Palmer & Donna Hayward

Group: Laura Palmer & Sarah Palmer

Group: Norma Jennings & Shelly Johnson & Heidi & Miriam Sullivan

Denise “fuck you AO3 canonical” Bryson

Diane Evans

Laura Palmer

Lucy Moran

Margaret "The Log Lady" Lanterman

Tamara "Tammy" Preston

Feel free to mix and match these characters, anything from Tammy interviewing Doris to Denise getting Lucy a drink would be amazing. I also love all their usual cohorts, so Doris and Harry in the woods or Diane and Albert - or heck, Diane and Phil, unanimously voted Philadelphia's Most Glamorous - or Tammy and her FBI dads is all cool as long as the focus remains on the girls. Tammy regrets in TFD that she couldn't meet Margaret? Let Tammy meet Margaret somehow, by golly! You can't really go wrong with gen combinations if you get any cool idea you want to explore. All these prompts are just suggestions. I like magical realism and American Gothic and flat-out surrealism so anything canon-like is great, but also a sitcom take on any group of colleagues, or a smarmy moment played teeth-rottingly straight (which is also canon-like, hah), some found family feels, you name it.

(the order is just me copypasting the tagset)

Doris: I wish her the best and hope that she'll find a way to amicably divorce Frank, or take a deep breath away from each other, heal through other people... there was also a message on Hastings' website from a regular reader that was just signed "Doris" so I headcanon her as an UFO enthusiast, if you want to play with that. I like to think that Albert will drop everything and stay in town after TPTR, and I swear by the fact that both he and Doris need a lot of cathartic shouting, for opposite reasons (she has a lot of pain and frustration to let out, he needs to stop being dead inside). So a good, cathartic shouting match could be a fun fic or art if you like the idea.

Laura & Donna: post-canon meetup post-canon meetup post-canon meetup!! Somehow. Dreams, shifted realities, straight-up 'Carrie' driving up to Vermont to find her Donna again. Shippy or not, I just want closure for them. Or any kind of Laura&Donna fic is great, I've loooved basically everything I've read for them.

Norma&Shelly&Heidi&Miriam: I love the RR microcosm! Sweet and supportive and just so /good/. Good for Norma for snatching the ever-so-rare happy ending and I'm glad Heidi got painted in a much more positive light this time round! And our heroic Miriam! My first thoughts go to either Shelly working through her Red problem with the help of the other girls, or Miriam triumphantly getting the pie Shelly and Heidi wanted to get her. But anything RR-centric is great. idk, a collection of drabbles with different customers (established characters or otherwise) coming in? Or something else still!

Denise: she was FBI all along so she can be friends with all the rest of the FBI cast! What a wonderful retcon. So tell me everything about Denise and Diane, Denise and Albert, Denise and Tammy... Denise and Cooper in the hopefully-not-so-distant future... she's so warm and charming, she just lights up any scene. Denise in Twin Peaks during s2 or Denise back in Twin Peaks years later for whatever reason is also great!

Diane: putting herself back together? I'd love a post-finale journey of self-discovery (or an episode thereof, for shorter fic or single pieces of fanart), slipping out of the Linda identity (whatever that's about), accepting/reclaiming her tulpa, and even that split self we saw outside the motel... or! Fun times with Janey-E! Why can't they stand each other? Is it because they're both kind of complicated people to be around? Is it because Janey was the only one who figured something was wrong when Diane got tulpa'd? Diane and Albert's frendship warms my heart, and it's fun to imagine Tammy trying to connect with her even after she got barked at. Or Void Club with Annie and Audrey, where they're not gonna talk about Dale Cooper, in fact they're not gonna talk about Dale Cooper at all...

Laura: finding her angels again please? Or in any situation - in the Lodge or in whatever sort of surreal road trip she and Cooper ended up in - that's closer to the Laura in Between Two Worlds, the woman who's walked through fire and made it to the other side, Laura with her eyes sparkling and that impossible Mona Lisa smile. Any moment where she gets to shine and tower over everything and everyone else. As an aside: I did not request Laura&Audrey because I figured that anyone offering it would ship it, and I very much do not, and I didn't want to inconvenience anyone who hoped to match on them because of the ship. BUT I came to the realization that I am in fact pretty invested in s gen reading of what Audrey saw in Laura, how she resented her but also idolized her and tried to follow in her footsteps until she got burned at One-Eyed Jack's. So what if they met after canon, how would a grown-up Audrey confront her old idea of Laura, would she see the real person behind that image, and would it help her come to terms with some of her own crap?

Lucy: Kimmy Robertson said she would like to be the color blue in Lynch's palette, if the prompt works for you. I love Lucy taking her time to understand and organize the world around her, I love her with Andy, with Wally, with Maggie Brown and the rest of the new sheriff's station cast, and I love it when people who don't usually appreciate her (both sheriffs and Albert come to mind) have to come to terms with the fact that she's amazing. I also like that Hawk is a first-class gossip, apparently, and so is Lucy, so if THAT prompts works for you...

Margaret: Margaret and the woods, Margaret and Hawk, Margaret and Laura always... Margaret and Shelly, Margaret and Audrey!, Margaret trying to impress Norma as per that one Log Lady intro... young Margaret and the Truman boys, or an older Margaret still with the Trumans, and sometimes maybe there's only one Truman and sometimes they are very distinct, oh well c'est la vie.

Tammy: I like to take the difference between her book self and show self as a straight-up character trait, that she's way more reserved in person than she is in writing. Any fic based on this duality would be great for me. Other than that, throw her at literally any character and I'll be thrilled to read it. I love how she looks up to Albert and just kind of follows him around like a baby duckling, I love the possibilities of Denise mentoring her, I love how she's the next generation of Blue Rose and hopefully the first one that won't fuck up majestically and I wonder if Gordon realizes it as he lets her learn the ropes at her own pace, I love possible "passing of the torch" scenarios with Cooper where he's so proud of her, or Laura sharing her secrets. Or let her be lace buddies with Shelly or look into a supernatural case with Cynthia or find Audrey or whatever! Yay Tammy!

Ship-wise, my big ships are Laura/Donna, Laura/Ronette and the Brennans. I also ship Shelly and Bobby and hope they can sort it out. And I'm curious to explore Tammy/Cynthia, /Audrey, /Candie, and/or getting a supernatural smooch from Laura. And while it's got zilch to do with this exchange, for the sake of full disclosure, all sides of Dale/Albert/Harry.

DNWs: unrequested ships, especially my NOTPs (Coop with Audrey, Annie - she’s a bit more complicated than NOTP but for the sake of a clear signup let’s just veto it..., Janey-E, Diane and Laura. Shelly/Gordon, Tammy/the rest of her coworkers twice her age), character bashing, s3 negativity

[snkpolls]

SnK S3E06 Poll Results (Manga Reader Version)

The poll closed with 490 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that this is the results of the manga reader poll. Anime only watchers are suggested not to read if you do not wish to be spoiled about certain events! Anime only viewers, click here to view your poll results!

NOTE: Another week, a few more mess ups and overlooked things. Upon realizing that we are rushing ourselves a bit too much and the poll dropping in quality is the unfortunate side effect, we will be moving the poll to Tuesdays from this point forward. This will allow us more time to see what others are discussing, think up questions, make sure we’ve touched on all of the important points, and to proofread more thoroughly before publishing. Thank you for being patient with us throughout this whole process! We apologize for our mess ups over the last couple of weeks.

RATE THE EPISODE 478 Responses

Overall the episode got high rankings and positive reviews!

I loved it, just wish they had given the Grisha vs Frieda segment more time and fully animated it rather than show it in flashes and stills. Though it wouldn't surprise me if they do later when we get his full story.

It was awesome! I'm starting to enjoy this season more with each episode. I'm hyped for the action next episode.

the best episode so far

Once the uprising arc is done, this episode will definitely be included in my favorite episodes list.

I was skeptical at first of the changes they were making to Frieda's foreshadowing, but the sequencing of events in the episode made up for it! Everything flowed so smoothly, from Eren's memories to Historia's, introducing the concept of mindwipe immunity followed immediately by Kenny's old talk with his grandpa. Each point led right into the next.

This week's episode felt almost slow with the way it ended. I'm not complaining, although I feel the sting of all those missed moments that got cut off prior to this.

This episode was freaking awesome. I keep replaying the scene where Eren sees Grisha's memories. The whole sequence and the OST is amazing!!

When it comes to rating these last few eps, I keep second-guessing myself on how to rate them. On the one hand, they've been fairly faithful to the manga and the animation, as always, has been top notch. So in that aspect they are good and deserve a high rating. It's just that the Uprising arc is so incredibly dull to me, that I am also not exactly excited about these eps and probably will skip all of them on future rewatches. But the anime is not to blame for that.  ¯\_㋡_/¯

ep of the season so far

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SCENES DID YOU ENJOY THE MOST? 485 Responses

Eren unlocking Grisha’s memories was the big moment of the episode, winning the majority vote. Followed closely is Historia unlocking her memories of Frieda, Rod’s retelling of Grisha’s attack and Kenny’s flashback to his talk with his grandpa.

I also enjoyed the Ackerman talk, it gives more significance to what’s to come in the future

OPENING SCENE WAS BOMB

I absolutely love Frieda! She was the greatest sister ever. Too bad she had to die so young. I liked her voice as well :) The scene with her and Historia symbolized peace, love and happiness, while the scenes in the crystal cave symbolized pain and sorrow. I liked that.

KENNYKENNYKENNYKENNYKENNY

Is it weird that I liked the Zacklay part more than the flashback? C:

My fav scene was when Mikasa and Levi were talking about Mikasa's past and their awaking of power

Really liked the focus on each character when Levi asked them if they were ready to get their hands dirty. They looked resolved.

The Ackertalk!!!!!!!!

ON A SCALE OF “I’D RATHER IT WAS DIFFERENT” TO “SAWANO IS A GENIUS!” HOW MUCH HAVE YOU BEEN ENJOYING THE SOUNDTRACK TO THE SEASON SO FAR? 482 Responses

As expected of Sawano! The majority of respondents are enjoying the music this season. A few think the picks could be better, however.

The OST in this season has been awesome.

To the music part: I haven't found a track that really stands out, I want something as good as youseebigttgirl

WHAT IS YOUR REACTION TO EREN’S MEMORY SEQUENCE? 477 Responses

The majority of respondents were overall pleased with the way that Eren’s flashes of the altercation in the cave went down. A few would rather it have been different.

Frieda was beautiful and that's all I care about

I love the way wit did Eren's eyes during the flashback sequence. Honestly it made me feel more like dead

I loved it, some amazing voice acting with Erens scream at the end

While the fast flashes made total sense to me as a narrative choice I would have personally liked it better if it was Slower

Great paths depiction, mindblowing OST, not biggest fan of how they presented goblin Eren in just two still images

Pretty awesome. I don't like how Frieda's titan looks however, I thought that the manga design gave off a far more divine and powerful aura than the anime one, which honestly just looks like a regular titan with different eyes.

The P A T H S visuals were beautiful but I feel like the flashbacks themselves could have been done better. The RIP Grisha scene was practically still images when it could have been one of the most visceral and intense moments in the series. Idk I just found the flashbacks themselves very underwhelming

openly sobbing

Eren’s shocked expression while seeing those memories/listening to rod talk makes me feel bad for him all over again, but WIT also gave a lot of shots of his abs and back muscles *-* like, idk if I wanna hug him or fuck him

could've been much better. kid Eren screaming after realizing he ate his dad was heartbreaking though

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT THE MECHANICS OF ZACKLEY’S “ART”? 479 Responses

It goes without saying that most respondents were put off by Zackley’s torture device, although there’s a sizable amount who did find it amusing. Generally speaking, most fans aren’t happy about the scene being included overall.

AoT will end, but Art will last forever

I HATE THE SHIT MACHINE!!!!!!

I cant believe we got the shit machine! Art is still alive!

I feel kinda tired of the whole shitmachine stuff. What is so special about some old, fat, ugly, nude, sweating dude who was forced to drink own piss? Why so many fans is obsessed with it? The episode had so many great moments - but almost everything I'm actually hearing about it this dumb shitbitchmachine.

I still fail to see what that machine added to this part of the story....

HOW DADDY IS ERWIN’S NEW HAIRDO? 480 Responses

Although there were mixed responses, overall the fandom is digging the new hairdo. Many even think Commander Handsome is looking even more dashing than before! ;)

Can we get more scenes with Erwin being Commander Handsome?

Erwin looks much younger now on my opinion XD

OMG ERWIIIIIIIIIN SO HOT

GRISHA’S EYES WERE GLOWING GREEN BEFORE HE ATE FRIEDA, AND THEY STARTED GLOWING PURPLE AFTERWARDS. DO YOU THINK THIS HAS ANY MEANING? 481 Responses

The overwhelming majority believe that the glowing eyes do have significant meaning. We covered this concept in more detail a few questions down!

Erens attack Titans eyes glow green too, I think it's just for effects

Yes, Frieda was not tasty and Grisha's stomach hort a lot after eating her

I didn't even noticed XD But I'm not sure if it has any meaning

Super saiyan

Frieda's eyes were purple during her Titan transformation. Grisha's eyes changing to the same colour after he ate Frieda, meant that he gained the Founding Titan power, gained Frieda's memories and the memories of the previous Founding Titan holders.

It could hardly be a slip of the hand in the animation department. They did it for a reason

The purple is the same as Frieda's Titan so it's likely because he came in contact with a Titan with Royal Blood and that changed his Titan's eye color

it's his magical girl transformation

WHICH TITAN WORE THEIR CHEST HAIR BETTER? 478 Responses

This was a close one! But ultimately Grisha inched just a few percentage points above Zeke. The commentary also reflects this and, frankly, we are a bit concerned. Are you guys okay?

Gaston ain't got nothing on Grisha Titan's chest hair.

Grisha's titan can spank me

Titan Grisha can mount me anytime.

WHEN FRIEDA READS HISTORIA THE FAIRY TALE, THE “GOOD GIRL” CHARACTER IS NAMED KRISTA. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS ADDITION?  478 Responses

It was a close split between excitement over seeing (or rather, being reminded) how Historia got the name “Krista” for her persona  and those who are questioning the validity of the name in the book. We also received plenty of snarky reminders that we overlooked the detail of this being mentioned in chapter 51. Perhaps it’s time for us to take a week off!  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I love how they’re differentiating the Marleyan legend from the Eldian one

I thought I was supposed to be Ymir, but I think it’s a really interesting addition to how Historia got the name Krista.

Since we know Rod gave her the name Krista, it felt kinda irrelevant. It also somehow implies that Krista's personality is the result of what remained in Historia's head from Frieda's preaching which I don't think was necessary to justify at all. Historia could've chosen to be the kind of girl Krista is by herself.

I love how, as time passed and memories changes, Ymir Fritz became Krista Lenz. And so, both Ymir and Historia got named by someone else after the same person. I love it.

It's not really an addition since her name appeared in the manga (at the beginning of chapter 51 when Historia goes crazy)

It did make things pretty confusing. I think that the government could've entirely changed the story of Ymir and the titan's and renamed Ymir in the books, and that's why she is now called Christa.

On one hand I think it's appropriate because the Reiss family didn't want Historia to know the Eldian history, yet I think the specific name of Krista wasn't a great decision because as I remember it, Rod was the one who made Historia take on the name Krista, so to suggest that Historia chose it because of that story is inconsistent.

‪Historia did say Krista was “a girl from a book she read as a child” in chapter 51, but learning in chapter 86 that the girl is Ymir Fritz led some people to believe that, back then, Historia was referring only to the girl's personality and not her name. The anime just clarified that in Frieda's book she is indeed named Krista, perhaps suggesting the story has different versions in Marley/the world and Paradis.‬

IT’S CONFIRMED THAT GRISHA’S AND FRIEDA’S TITANS HAD GLOWING EYES, SIMILAR TO THE PURE TITANS THAT THE COORDINATE CONTROLLED, DO YOU THINK THIS RELATES TO EREN’S EYES GLOWING IN LIBERIO? 466 Responses

As reflected above, most respondents believe that the glowing eyes do bear significance. 41% of voters believe that it’s indicative of the power of the titan taking over its host, while 32% believe the significance is something else. 16% of voters think it’s simply just a cool aesthetic effect. 

I don't understand anything any more

Woah I've not thought about that enough to give an answer!!

I have no fucking clue, this stuff is confusing.

I honestly just think those titans happen to have glowing eyes. Nothing more.

WHICH TRANSITION DID YOU LIKE BETTER? 479 Responses

70% loved the transition of Kenny looking into the knife and revealing his younger self. 

I truly love Kenny <3

Kenny is beautiful and the transition from younger to older Kenny in the reflection of his knife was my absolute favorite part of the entire episode.

Kenny was a highlight in this episode once again, I especially loved the flashback scene with him and grandpa Ackerman talking about family history after Levi and Mikasa's Ackertalk. The transition back to Levi was really unsubtle, though.

WHICH PV SCENE ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO THE MOST? 482 Responses

Generally, the majority are most looking forward to the showdown between Squad Levi/Hange vs. the Interior MP Squad. About 31% of voters altogether are looking forward more to more Jaeger/Reiss focus, however! 

Can I vote again for Hange is a BAMF?

i honestly don't care at all about the interior MP v.s squad levi fight. I just wanna get back to the reiss/jaeger action

Give me Levi yelling Hange's name or give me DEATH

can't wait for the next episode and the showdown!!!

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

Finally we arrived to my favorite part of this arc. Even though it doesn't have that much action as the other seasons, this is the part I love the most. Knowing how Eren got the Attack AND the Founding titans, Historia becoming the rightful queen of the walls, Levi's backstory, Kenny's dream and his friendship with Rod Reiss' brother, learning that there's a world outside of the walls by Keith Shadis; all of this until the fight against the collosal and armored titans back in Shignashina district and everybody discovering the sea.

Now I finally understand why Kenny killed so many MP officers. I used to believe he had done that for fun. Now I know he did that to protect his family. I really enjoyed the moments between him and his grandpa - it made me to feel how important the bloodline was for him.

I'm a bit disappointed that they made Frieda's titan hair black, I was hoping for it to be a lighter colour, and I preferred the lighter hair a bit more. But overall her titan form was pretty cool!

They left out the part where Kenny tells Rod he is looking for a bathroom because he has to go #2! ಠ_ಠ How could they skip that after they included the whole poop machine scene?! I also wasn’t sure how I felt about the girl being named Krista in the book being read to Historia. I thought that was supposed to be Ymir. Otherwise, the episode was superb.

Erwin is my husband and I love it when he goes into Commander Mode™. Also so not ready for more information about Levi’s childhood, and yet also I need to see Little Levi™ at the same time

FRIEDA WAS GREAT

Now that two big plot points are over (the overthrowing of the government and Grisha’s deed) and another one is under way, I can say this season is so underwhelming compared to the manga. There is no suspense, no feeling of satisfaction, no tension, because they cut too many parts in the beginning that hinted at future events (eren’s experiments for examples) and simplified characters’ moral struggles that i think are understandable only to us manga readers because “we know”. I think, for a story (the one of uprising) that relied on suspense so much, this lighting-fast, confusing pace just made every victory totally underwhelming. I’m left with a feeling of “oh...okay” and i am hating it because the Uprising Arc is my favorite manga Arc.

With this episode I'm back to being sad about how coldly Erwin is portrayed again, but I guess that is just the way it's going to be. I don't think anyone can be as successful of a leader as Erwin has been with such a cold and uncaring facade, so I'm just going to agree to disagree with Isayama and WIT how a character like Erwin should be portrayed. The only positive about the anime is how Erwin's developing depression is really hammered home in this and the previous episode. From the manga it was quite unclear to me how all that had happened, but now I can see the progression very clearly starting from Erwin's little talk with Zackley the Creepy Artist and continuing with Pixis' merciless opinion of Erwin and his gamble.

Yeah for all the flashbaCks! And omg Frieda!! I love her sooo much! I was looking forward to see her in this episode and I'm not disappointed at all! I just wanted to hug her and little Historia! ;-;

THOUGHTS ON EPISODE 5:

104th celebrating their freedom was dope

I really loved this episode because Erwin had his chance to shine for once. I especially loved the foreshadowing of what a huge mistake they might have just made with the coup d'état. And I loved seeing my second favourite commander, Nile, as well! He's been growing on me for a longer while now, but the anime is really reminding me how Nile has always been a sensible but kind person.

Episode was ok. The cinematography of the episode was rather lacking at points and without some of the conversations with Nile and Pixis, the confrontation is somewhat oversimplified.

The conversation between Erwin and Zackley broke my heart. Implying the two would have anything in common is outrageous, and Erwin's reaction to the comparison is the proof of it. Erwin was so human and vulnerable in that moment that I thought finally they did justice to his character.

EREN'S ABS WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH TO REPLACE ERWIN'S AND LEVI'S ABS!!! THAT'S THE WORST BETRAYAL EVER, WIT!!!!!

I like that there is more and more dialogue and information during the recent episodes!

i thought it was good. at the time i was sad the "do you remember your father's sin" reveal wasn't the cliffhanger but since it was the opening for this episode and it was amazing in my opinion i have no problems.

Eren is hot

Erwin=Daddy

That cliffhanger with Historia was great! I wonder if they'll be able to replicate the one in the manga where it looks like she's about to inject herself. It'll be disappointing if they don't.

The Hange monologue at the end, however, with Levi's input was really weird and it didn't make much sense to me how they could infer so many ""clues"" about the truth and the Reiss family from what Hange was telling. The same is true about Armin's sudden but oh so convenient musings about how Eren inherited his titan powers. It was clear foreshadowing, but really badly executed.

i was waiting for this question on ep 5 poll, thnks! Well my thought were "there's no way they'll animate the shit machine" and "I WANT MOAR LEVI"

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 468 Responses

We overlooked a platform this week, our apologies! 

Oi where's the 4chan option

Thank you again to everyone who participated. We’ll see you back on Tuesday! 

[davidjjohnston3]

/ first love / things of first love / looking on my parents as my first love / who looked on me as her first love / (but) "My Greatest Love' / commitment to truth about love / minjung theology / "total christology" - / returning love to the first love and greatest love (john 3:16) / "The Roommate" - Westfield (NJ) Snow - the Kim brothers - Trader Joe's - Zegna shirtmaker(?) - Tracy Espiritu - "The Faces on the Heights" (2008) - from social media, my governor's school friends, Mona (Monna?) Yao I never met, who made Chingwen stop hating Shanghainese, ECE girl from RU GSE (Graduate School of Education not Governor's School of Environment) - very black eyes - She wanted to buy the Minnie Mouse dress from the Disney Store - Jessie Lee, he drinks a diet coke then goes running - "California" is a frisbee play I thought only I know - Jessie wanted to be my friend or so b/c my brother is excellent - "That play is called California [dumb----] - Always California is a Law School Discussion person whose essay I told her what she meant / where she was going with her past-future but nowadays Millennials etc. can actually form a face-intent without finding themselves first and go forward forever instead of "whatever shrapnel in my back pocket could afford" or people who try to base their plans on available resources instead of aiming then looking for resources / materials.  Jessie told Lydia Han "Take care of yourself" - She was playing DDR at Fusion Ti and not talking to me - I don't remember her last words to me - They were making noodles in Edison - / what did i ever do that was not writing about my friends / alden's vanilla bean ice cream (maria / change mind), 2 everything bagels davidovich, earlier a few ginger coconut candies from h-mart but made in china, coconut oil for brain, MiO energy thing Acai Berry and Ginseng, earlier 8th continent soy milk thing, almond silk, spanish mixed nuts, 7 almonds (obama?) - i had more - avocado butter - drinking canola oil - californian olive oil burns - i have a cold sore - i can't have canned tomatoes anymore - 183 pounds AHC "All His Children" / my password used to be for tassadaromega... canisexmachina... then I changed to impluveam impluveam11 impluveam11et - jaeyoung's son "fullness" - a glass of white wine at centraal the full measure of god's spirit (sauvignon) - mushroom soup i didn't touch - Why did I not follow through on what was demanded not to talk a word with him - the beginning of "Stepfather" - It is clean at the Food Court at Mayfair Mall  - I feel powerless and pure - I will read the paper with you and explain why you should not take "Parasite" as a Gospel message about what has to happen, or... but it is easy for me to promise 'strong benevolence' is better than immediate economic justice or - In my first dream of "Searching For Towards the Eastern Empire" "lily Sarah" moved with her baby wrapped swaddled in light dove gray right to left through the woods to the field / meadow, in a cool spring or so, now past a frozen lake through the colors of "Elizabeth's Nightgown" or the summer colors of 2012 2021 left to right, the whole procession, carrying lanterns too, a bit like Caspar David Friedrich colors and a bit like that frozen lake out in the suburbs of Madison where Nikki called me and the phone vibrated on my heart to tell me Chi Hye tried to call me on Valentine's Day night - I called her - I forget - someone's phone ran out of batteries - the next day we got (?) at (?) Japanese "I really want to eat rice" - and a bit like "Fantasia Night on Bald Mountain" - the procession of the Saints with the lanterns, "we all of us."  The rainy cliff, the Korean refugees(?).  The image from "The Admiral" where the civilians flag Yi Sunshin from the cliffside shore.  In my 645 rendition they are walking, the notes are like babies on their heads.  But the image of the peasants signalling to YSS in another vision are chained together and being gatling gunned which is why I say some people want to kill all Koreans.  Maybe it is because of that short from Apocalypse Now or maybe it is because of and why I named Segalchik "Danilov" from "Enemy at the Gates" the Commissar who wants to build a new world and man and whose dying words are "There will always be rich in love and poor in love," then allowed Koenig to shoot him in the head to draw him out for his "teacher only friend" because I guess enemies are enemies and friends are friends and Russians are loyal, even in failure, like how Nabokov synaesthete said "loyal is like a gold fork," and Putin doesn't forgive traitors.  Putin reminds me of Houellebecq's voice from the end of Particulaires "This book is dedicated to the human race who saw beyond themselves" - as and with the poem from the beginning, "Now that we dwell in the eternal afternoon we can revisit the end of the old world order" - and in the end "the medieval grace and sin" - "ontology of states not space" - I still remember the bruised skin on the cover, which would come from limited beatings or a certain kind of holding sex - My favorite Houellecq poem is "Liquid Birth" from "Art of Struggle" - "This world has never been written of" - It makes me cry like thinking about Kendi's beauty - "It's there, at least possible." - What's Macron up to - He married his teacher(?) - "My thoughts are too complicated" - Putin's too - Russian elementary piano teachers hold the student's hand and split the fingers for toward cantabile - I learned the Goldbergs and the only book I'll touch anymore is Kempff's organ transcriptions with his precise description of pedaling like a certain kind of chapel organ - "Kempff played better than he could (Liszt's Saint Francis preaching to the birds) - and when he played "Berceuse" in 1946 it's like saying to Germany "Dream for a while" defeated in WW2 - He lived to be 95 - father-like.  Wilhelm Kempff is "saenggi(?)" - "Oh [Dave]."  He doesn't try to give, or make.  He just "says."  Like "the wave said what the sea broken once laboriously spoken."  That's why I say he's the best; he's one of the best pianists ever.  "Sospiro" final fioritura - I wrote "sospira" where the piano-teacher is mandatorily retired and euthanised after his best student - Arrau said relax use your soul - I drove through Indiana corn fields listening to his "Emperor Concerto" 1st movement - "Beethoven America power" - but Kempff does'nt rely on his own soul, he "waits for the Spirit of God" or "waits on the Lord' - "asks the sky."  This is why I like Stritch University Francis statue with the birds as well and Francis PP.  St Francis of Assisi from whom Michelangeli claimed to be descended and I bought Michelangeli's op 111 DVD at Seoul Arts Center at the Liszt Society concert actually married his secretary in secret or something and "loaded" pieces whereas Kempff loaded nothing, ABM offered to teach Martha Argerich who is my favorite Andante Spianato like Josephine Park but I don't think she took him up on it, he smoked, he practiced at night, his head exploded(?), he died in Lugano.  A pianist is a pianist (not a brand, franchise, go into teaching).  Jenny / Jaein said I want to be a pianist.  My first "Lullaby" was Idil Biret, IDK if the clock motif left hand is 1 2 3 4 5 6 or 1 2 3 4 5 ().  A steady lake lapping, not a clock.  In "Being Kim Poor" Krystal Jung fell asleep in the rowboat on the lake in Switzerland after the wedding in the chateau and trying to eat / hang out with the caterers.  KP is an ex-soldier, her bodyguard, his friend is a Southerner like those Blackwater / Academi types who got rich quitting SF gov't to do contracting but Paul / Poor won't really.  I thought about Sunny something something cyber stalkers in Whitefish Bay walking up the hill where I also listened to Fifth Season SSWFL later and in the neighborhood of the Obergefell blackout.  "Free firewood" a chopped-up desk - am I an "afterburner" for having a desk and "free."  

The original love-truth-faith-promise.  The Minjung Theology book is "whiteness-words," holiness.  

I feel like I almost arrived all in one piece for a while.  I put on my white shirt.  I weighed 160(?).  The caseworker said she couldn't imagine me another weight.  Pop was writing letters to the caseworker.  I recommended "Whisper of the Heart" to for her son.  

Now I feel like Hananim / God will let 300 saints die young so one sinner can be saved.  "I was born in 1970" - I thought she meant "I became an angel in 1970" maybe.  

[lovesick-feelin]

(this used to be porpoiseee btw) can you write something about hispanic jack kelly (literally anything). maybe like him tryna teach the newsies words in spanish? or smth idk i'm bad at ideas

so uh this totally became javey

am i sorry? nnnnnot really this was super fun to write

(also total inspo at the end from in the heights oops)

Davey watched fondly from the doorway as Jack perched on the edge of one of the bottom bunks, five or six of the youngest boys crowded around him on the floor.

“Jack, Jack, how do you say newspaper in Spanish?” one of them piped up, waving his hand frantically as if he were a pupil at a desk and Jack was the teacher. (The image amused Davey to no end; he couldn’t for the life of him imagine Jack in a classroom, student or teacher.)

“Periodico,” Jack answered calmly, saying it slow so the boys could work out the syllables on their tongues and try it out for themselves. “You know how some o’ them upper-class folks call the papes periodicals?” The boys oohed, and Jack nodded, pleased. “That’s sort of where they get it. ‘S all related.” One of the other boys perked up.

“Oh, Jack! How do you say selling partner?” He grinned at the boy next to him, and Davey smiled warmly; the two were obviously already inseparable.

Jack smiled, humming in concentration. “I think that would be,” he mused, “socio vendor.” He looked up and pointed at Davey in the doorway all of a sudden. “So if I wanted to say in Spanish that Davey was my selling partner, I’d say, Davey es mi socio vendor.” Clamoring excitedly, the kids on the floor turned to each other and began testing out the new phrase with each other’s names, giggling as the unfamiliar words tangled on their tongues. Jack laughed, shaking his head as he stood and made his way over to where Davey was standing.

“You’ve got a pretty attentive class there, Mr. Kelly,” Davey greeted him. “You’re a natural.” Jack waved him off sheepishly.

“Aw, shucks,” he joked, “it’s nothing. Helps me practice too. Can’t let myself slack off.” Davey smiled.

“You ready?” he asked, conspiratorially holding up the paper bag he’d been hiding behind his back. Jack gasped, looking .

“You didn’t,” he breathed, and Davey nodded excitedly. Jack clapped his hands briefly before turning back to the group. “Okay, kiddos, Blink is in charge, okay? And remember…” he gestured to the group of kids on the floor.

“Only sell papes in English,” they chorused, and Jack grinned.

“Awesome. Blink, you good to hold down the fort for a few hours?” Blink waved him off from where he was perched on a top bunk, legs tangled lazily with Mush.

“Go have fun, Kelly. Race and Albie’ll be back soon.” Jack nodded, turning back to Davey, and together they practically sprinted out the door, climbing the fire escape ladder all the way to the penthouse. Crutchie was at the theater that night, helping Medda with one of her shows, so they had the rooftop to themselves. Settling down, Davey whipped his treasure out of the bag with a flourish: a whole cupcake from the bakery down the street, preserved carefully in a box. Jack whooped.

“Jesus, Davey, what’s the special occasion?” he asked, staring longingly at the pastry. Davey shrugged, still not sure if he was ready to divulge the information.

“Had some extra pocket money,” he said. He looked away. “And my birthday was yesterday,” he added quickly, hoping Jack would miss it. Jack didn’t miss it, his mouth dropping open.

“That’s why you ate with your fami– ohh.” He smacked Davey on the arm. “You bastard, why didn’t you tell me?” Davey shrugged.

“It’s not that big of a deal,” he said. “We don’t exactly have the money for presents nowadays, so I just eat dinner with the family, and that’s that.” Jack suddenly looked guilty.

“Why you sharing this with me, then?” he asked self-consciously, gesturing at the grandiose cupcake. “Shouldn’t you be splitting this with Les and Sarah or something?” Davey shrugged.

“Why wouldn’t I share it with you?” he countered. “You’re my best friend.” Jack smiled brightly at him, eyes shining.

“Aw, Dave,” he hummed, and Davey smiled in return, pulling out two forks so they could eat. They made short work of the pastry - after all, it was normally intended for only one person - and put the litter in the bag, setting it aside in favor of reminiscing and looking up at the stars. Jack was warm and solid next to Davey, leaning against the railing of the fire escape.

“Jack?” Davey asked. Jack looked at him.

“Yeah?” he responded. Davey shifted so they were sitting across from each other, still close enough to touch but able to talk.

“Teach me some Spanish, will you?” he asked, and Jack grinned brightly.

“Yeah, sure! What do you want to know?” he asked eagerly. Davey looked around, feeling warm and happy and very much at home.

“Hmm,” he hummed. He looked at the penthouse where he spent so much of his time now, how very Jack it was. The drawings, the thin blanket, the hat hanging casually from the rail. “How do you say fire escape?” Jack drummed his fingers on the metal grate.

“Salida de incendios,” he answered easily. “What else?”

Davey looked at Jack, at his easy posture, the confidence radiating off of him that could’ve been perceived as cocky to anyone that didn’t know him well. He thought about the strike, the early days, the whirlwind feeling of victory; he thought about Jack surrounded by those little boys in the lodging house, not a care in the world.

“How do you say best friend?” he asked. Jack blushed.

“Mejor amigo,” he answered, looking down at his hands. Davey looked at those hands, calloused and ink-stained, fingers surprisingly nimble; he thought about every time those hands had closed around his wrist to tug him sprinting down an alley at the first sign of trouble, every time those fists had been split and bloodstained after a nasty fight, how those same hands immediately became gentle, weapons no more because someone else was hurt and needed to be taken care of.

“How do you ask someone to hold your hand?” he blurted. Jack’s head shot up, eyes wide and still.

“Toma mi mano,” he managed, and somehow Davey mustered enough confidence to take Jack’s hand like it was the easiest thing in the world. They were close now, close enough for Davey to see every fleck of color in Jack’s eyes, pupils blown wide, his breath coming in soft puffs, lips parted. Davey took a deep, shaky breath in, his heart pounding with anticipation.

“How do you say ‘kiss me’?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper, and Jack’s breath hitched. The stars twinkled above, a breeze blew across the rooftops, a window closed somewhere below them. They were still. Jack’s eyes flicked to Davey’s mouth imperceptibly fast, his cheeks glowing pink.

“Besame,” he whispered.

Davey did.

[caressedorcrushed]

Nathan V2

Starters Frowning at his hand, Nathan looked at it, the side of his left hand was slightly swelled and purplish at the moment. Especially near his pinky, which he had snapped back into place by himself. But the pain didn’t seem to stop after that. Curling into himself he brought his right hand over to pet gently along his other hand. Sweating a little from the pain and muttering to himself he glanced around, his legs hopping lightly on the ground as he sat on a bench “Fucking bitch.” God damn cunt. I hate her, they are both terrible. Ow Ow Ow!  It hurts. Wincing a little he looked down at the injured hand again and let out a small whimper before biting on his bottom lip a little, to quiet himself. image 3 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG RETURNED:STARTER  SUNDAY STARTER  THERE YOU GO!  EVEN THOUGH I DID JUST MAKE A STARTER. HAVE ANOTHER!  XD   Getting grabbed by a drunk frat boy and tossed into a pool was certainly not been on the top of Nathan’s to do list. And for the brief few seconds he was scrambling to get to the side mind had completely emptied of any thought before landing in the cold water. Pulling himself up onto solid surface and standing, his entire body was shaking. His eyes moved from person to person, most were oblivious to what just happened. Then he heard the person who had thrown him into the pool say his brother’s name. Something in him snapped at that moment, his mind went blank as he stepped toward them. In the next moment his fist had slammed viciously into the guys face, sending them stumbling to the side and dropping to the ground. Nathan could hit pretty hard, for someone who had mostly done a lot of sitting around talking about their feelings in a hospital their entire life.  This asshole could have ruined everything, you should not have come here. image 1 YEAR AGO WITH 1 NOTES - REBLOG REVENANTS:STARTER  THERE WE GO  NATHAN LOSING IT AT THE PARTY IF ANYONE WANTS IT~ XD   image Nathan frowned a bit as he leaned back on his hands against a fence in front of a house. He had to plan his next few moves. He couldn’t let his anger get in his way, he knew this. If what he wanted to do was going to go smoothly, then he would have to do better in his execution of things that lead up to the final part.  Narrowing his eyes at that thought, glances to one side, moving his left hand from the fence then and bringing it up to the hood over his head, pulling it down to keep his face as well hidden as he could. 1 YEAR AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG REVENANT:STARTER   Watching smoke slip into the air from his mouth Nathan was lost in thought over recent events. It seemed that some of the people in town were taking the joke, as far as Nathan understood,  seriously. Tilting his head down he took the last hit off his cigarette and then flicked the remains into the street, I fucking hate this season. image 2 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG RETURNED:STARTER   Spitting up white, foamy, colored goo Nathan was on his back. His arms crossed over his stomach as he groaned in shallow breathes. Sweat drenched his forehead and clothes as strange nauseous feeling had overwhelmed his system. His mind reeled, his eyes shifting and rolling around in his head as his mind conjured up hallucinations. Almost more intense than his usual ones. “It’s not about them!” He shouted before having another coughing fit, goo dripping down the sides of his mouth, his breathes were starting to smell like bottled pills that had become wet. “It’s him! – It’s-…it’s go-going to hurt –f-for ….For…For…a lit-li-little while–… l-long-longer. It’s hot. It’s hot. …Stop…make it…Ev-”  Spitting up some more goo his back arched a little, his body convulsing slightly. RETURNED:STARTER  

Stabbing a switchblade that Isabelle gave him down, just barely missing his fingers with the blade, Nathan looked extremely bored.  Of course, Nathan usually was bored, because there was nothing for him to do, either be cooped up in an apartment with a shit brother. Lifting the blade up he looked up as a waitress came over with a drink and set it beside his hand. Stabbing the switchblade back down at his hand as she began to talk he cut the side of his middle finger. “For Austin– Err. I mean. Me?!” He said, faking excitement before the waitress pointed at a few older women and told him the drinks were for him, they seemed drunk. Taking his hand hand then he smiled at the women before knocking his head at them and then swinging his hand at the cup, sending it flying to the ground “Oooo, Sorry, bad twitch, my bad. I broke my arm years back and it’s never been the same, shit nerves.”  The Waitress gave him a look of disbelief before nervously going to pick up his mess. image 4 WEEKS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG RETURNED:STARTER   Pulling back Nathan’s left hand moved to cup his now bleeding nose “Ow!  Alright! –That was too hard.” He winced, sniffling before snorting back the blood into his throat and spitting it out a second later. As Isabella was telling him what he was going to do, for the gang, he gave a light nod. Then blinked as she shoved against his chest. Reaching up he took it in his hand and frowned “Ah. Are you sure this is what your gang does?” He asked, not really comfortable with this. This had earned him getting backhanded with her fist across his face, splitting open the inside of his cheek. As she pointed at him and told him not to question her he nodded, nervously he took the gun and slipped it behind him into a a spot under his hoodie. She smiled then and pet the side of his head before saying ‘good dog’ and shoving him out of the alley telling him to meet her at the woods when he was finished.  Nathan could see there was more to just having him rob a store, to this. But afraid she would end up beating him again he opted not to think about it too much more than that. Walking toward the gas station Nathan swallowed as he approached the entrance. image 1 MONTH AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG RETURNED:STARTER  

“She’s got the devils eyes and they’ll cut you like a weapon she’s stuck in my mind like a bad obsession.” Nathan mused, moving to rest his head in his hand, thinking of Isabella with a small grin “ All the boys say she was sent from the heavens but I’m not too sure that this girl is a blessing.” He continued absently spinning his phone on the table.

#returned:starter#idk ahah 16 notes Placing a hand on his head Nathan closed his eyes tightly, trying to calm himself down. It’s not real. I’m just…seeing things. Yeah. Just-Just tired. Swallowing he opened his eyes a little before forcing himself to move. Though a moment later he stumbled and bumped into someone who shoved him before shouting at him to watch where he was going  “S-sorry I-I.–Uuhh–” Inhaling sharply his arched back, a chill running down his spine and his chest tightening. Twitching he looked around before lifting his hand up and sobbed into it. This is so fucking stupid. I have to get out of here. Why …Right now!

#returned:starter#Sunday Starter#yay~ 18 notes Sitting lazily in a chair at the hospital Nathan was slouching, his legs opening and closing as he stared in a haze at the tv screen just a few feet away from him. All around him he could hear others talking, but he couldn’t exactly make out the words anyone had been saying. It was all just a jumbled mess. Blinking his eyes shift slowly to meet a nurse as they walked over toward him and took a seat. Pulling himself up he moved to drop his head in his hand, groaning lightly as he did. The memory of the hospital melting then as the person who sat beside him asked if he were okay “Fine. Just having a bad reaction to the sun.” Standing then he started walking across the park.

#returned:starter 20 notes Turning the phone over in his hand Nathan looked at the screen full of messages from people he hadn’t bothered to answer. Then he just chucked the phone into a nearby body of water before turning and walking away.  Oops.

#returned:starter 3 notes Reaching out Nathan touched the mask of a costume and frowned “ Hm, it’s almost that time.”  He muttered before pulling the mask down from where it was to get a better look at it, before he then went to put it on. What month is it, September? Then it’s in a month or so. Halloween, fuuuun.

#returned:starter 3 notes Laying on his stomach, over a patch of grass, Nathan had a dorky little grin on his face as he brought over a pretty broken up toy through the air. His eyes shift up, following the toy as he played with it, some what in a haze. His eyes seemed to be big, like a child as he distracted himself. Grinning he laid his head at a tilt on his arm, humming to himself as he continued to move the toy around.

#returned:starter#I don't know what this is#But he needs a starter out there XD 22 notes Pacing, Nathan was chewing on the nail of an index finger,  his bruised face redder from apparently crying.  Brushing his fingers against his lips then he swallowed and paused.  Muttering for a moment to himself before he frowned and dropped his head into his left hand  “So bad…sooobaaad.”

#returned:starter 50 notes Pulling the hood of his black hoodie up over his head, to hide the bandages and not be easy to spot in case someone wanted to finish the job in killing him. Though he doubted the disguise would work completely, it was all he had. He put on a pair of sun glasses he had stolen not long after waking up in the woods. Then placed the earbuds of his headphones in his ears and started to listen to music while looking at the phone he had been given. It wasn’t the most pleasant feeling in the world, the music vibrating through his head, when his skull was cracked and had barely, if at all even healed since it had only been a few days and for some reason, it still was acting like it almost just happened that day. But at the same time the music was calming, it helped a lot. Searching his phone he had been spend a lot of time recently just catching up on stuff he had been missing out in the last sixteen years of his life, and the phone was helping him to do that when he was out on the streets without supervision.

#returned:starter 2 notes Reaching out he tapped on the door in front of him, Austin’s door. He felt awkward being here, honestly. Like an unwanted guest. Like the other just felt obligated because of ‘blood’ reasons.  Like they were just trying to put on a show for accidentally forgetting him on purpose because Robert Douglas demanded it so.  Mindlessly he tapped the phone on the door, not really wanting the other to answer, and then he could just leave. After another moment he let out a breath. Feeling hungry he decided he was going to go get something to eat and turned, walking down the hallway. Once back out on the street he winced at the bright sunlight before turning away and walking, only to bump into someone.

#returned:starter 44 notes Laying on his back Nathan’s head was turned to his left, his left hand loosely wrapped around his face as he exhaled gently. His eyes shift under his eyelids as he breathes in, gently.  For the last twenty-four hours, he has done nothing more than sleep. Nathan had become completely consumed by his exhaustion over the last few weeks and his body just needed the rest. Wincing a bit his brows knit together slightly, the sweat on his forehead combining and slipping down the side of his slightly tilted his head. A small whimper escaped his lips as he head suddenly jerked before turning away from his hand, his breathing started to pick up speed as his mind started lighting up with signals to be worried “No. No. No… Don’t-” Nathan whispered, his voice cracking.

#Returned:Starter#No idea where he could be laying?#Anywhere honestly ahah 17 notes Sitting outside Nathan dropped onto the grass and pulled his legs up pressing them against his chest as he tried to make himself smaller against the building. So he could hide. Sucking in a deep breath he adjusted his head on his knees. He watched as a bird dropped down and started pecking at the grass a moment later, getting completely absorbed with the creature’s actions. His current state of mind is easily allowed to be distracted as it was still recovering from the head injuries he’d suffered and the entire mind fuck of Austin and Bethany, mostly Bethany lying to him.

#Returned:911#Returned:Starter#Events 21 notes Walking into the building, or more like being shoved into it, Nathan stumbled “Alright! Jeez, stop fucking touching me!” He snapped before he turned to look around the building. Blinking as some people seemed to stare at him in recognition. Austin. He reminded himself, even though the stitches on his forehead would have been a dead giveaway to anyone paying any sort of attention that he was in fact, not, Austin. Nathan narrowed his eyes on some people as he made his way across the room and then found a space to sit. Taking up a chair he brought his legs up, sitting lotus-style before he lifted up a magazine on guns from one of the tables to his side and started reading through it with little to no interest.

#Returned:911#Um sooo#okay#Hmm#Returned:Starter#Event 19 notes Pushing against the wall of a building Nathan let out a loud shout, it had sounded a bit too much more like a demon than something that would come from a human, as it was shredding his throat as it clawed its way out of him. He then pushed off the wall and paced for a moment before kicking his backpack further back into the alley “That fucking bitch! I will…-” Cutting off he made a brief strangling motion at the air “Isabella…Isabella… She’s ruining everything!” Nathan snapped before slamming his right fist into the top of a trash can, sending a bolt of pain up his arm hissing he pulled it away and in a fit of rage picked the empty trash can up off the ground and threw it out toward the street.

#Returned:Starter 23 notes Reaching into a ratty backpack he had lifted out of a trashcan some days ago Nathan pulled up a bag full of days old baked sweets. Of which he had dug out of the trash the other day from behind a bakery.  There wasn’t much work for someone who just got out of a mental hospital after all. He narrowed his eyes as he watched people walk by him as he took a bite, feeling as though they knew, and they were judging him and thinking he was disgusting. And so what if he were.  Dropping down onto a bench he hugged the backpack to his thin body and continued to watch people suspiciously “I need money.” Nathan muttered then before watching a few bee’s that were a few feet from him dancing around a flower. Blinking he observed the scene for a few moments before muttering “Bee…Does it still hurt…” to mostly himself. Dropping onto his side he curled up hogging the bench.

Closing his eyes he started to doze off. Which wasn’t odd since he could barely even sleep, and sleeping at night was a nightmare waiting to happen so Nathan mostly got his naps in throughout the daytime hours.  As he was slipping off to sleep he thought about his family and one of the many things he had in store for them, if he could even find them. He didn’t have any clue of where they were, of course. He figured this place, Killbourne, was a good place to start finding out. He would continue to try to get a job, and make enough money for gathering tools and items he would need in order to do what he had planned. Then he would search for them. When he would find them he would take all the things he gathered and start setting his plan into action, trapping them all. This was his plan, so far. Sucking in a breath he reached up and pulled the hood of his hoodie down over his eyes to block out the sunlight shining down onto the park he chose to rest in.

Self Turning onto his side Nathan looked around the room. He didn’t like how quiet it was. It was something he was sure he would never entirely get used to. Not like when he was a child, when he could sleep safely at night. Before his head was filled with nightmares and tortured thoughts from his life of abuse in Damari. Even though he could only sleep four hours a night now, or so, since waking up in the woods. The nightmares weren’t any less than they had grown to be in Damari. Wrapped up in a blanket his eyes flicked from one end of the room to the next. He hated this, he hated not having the noises. But what he had hated most was not having Austin. It was probably weird to spend seventeen years looking at the other side of your room in the ward, staring every night at a wall. But before all of this he would be staring at Austin before drifting off to sleep, no cares or any other worries to plague his mind. And on some nights he would hear his brother cry. Then ask for him to come over. Nathan always did, crawling under the covers with his brother and laying beside them till they calmed down and went back to sleep. He didn’t leave the other until the morning. Robert hated it, usually seeing it and yanking Nathan out of the bed, accusing him of being a scardy-cat, but not as nicely as that. Austin would say nothing when this happened. Nathan never got mad at him though, Robert was terrifying when in a mood. Pushing himself up he walked down the small hallways toward the back of the apartment. Standing outside of Austin’s door he frowned, the other had shut him out. Not just because they were closed away in their room. But just in general, they had forgotten him, and everything he had ever done for Austin. Tricked into thinking he was an imaginary friend. Nathan was of course extremely annoyed by this, and saying sorry wasn’t going to cut it.  Not entirely. Reaching out he grabbed onto the door and walked into the room, the others light snoring telling him Austin was in a deep sleep. Nathan guessed that it must have been nice to sleep peacefully at night, when you weren’t abused and tortured most of your life. Walking over to the bed he stared at Austin, dark black eyes moving over his defenseless body. If Nathan wished, he could simply stab the other in the neck right then, and he could be spitting blood all over the bed. Reaching his hands over he placed them on the bed, leaning into them he tilt his head, probably thinking of all the ways he could easily dispose of his twin. It would be nothing to him. Gently he pulled himself onto the bed, sitting on his legs. Nathan wondered if Austin really had been stupid. Trusting too much that Nathan wouldn’t just slit their neck in their sleep. They had left the door open, testing him. That’s what they must have been doing. Laying down on the empty side of the bed in front of Austin, Nathan rest his head on the spare pillow staring at his brothers face. Blinking slowly Nathan smiled sweetly at the other “Remember when couldn’t sleep some nights? And I would go to your bed and get under the blankets with you. You never missed that? You don’t remember any of that? You really forgot everything?” Nathan looked at Austin before letting out a soft sigh “It hurts a lot, thinking about how you could easily forget me. It makes me angry with you, a lot, too. I wish you hadn’t. I wish I was important to you. But I understand, I’m not.” Moving his hands down he curled up a little bit, bringing his head down and closing his eyes as he placed his hands between his knees “I still remember everything, for you.” 4 DAYS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  AUSTIN   Looking at the broken remains of his phone Nathan let out a sigh, wishing that he had never let it get in their hands. They didn’t want him to rat them out to Austin and the phone had really seem to piss them off. Nathan had to watch as they kept hitting it until it didn’t work. He was so mad at everything when it finally had, even Austin for getting him the stupid thing. That had thrown it in the water fountain the park, only to fish it back out later. Because it was something Austin had given him, it was special, even if it was now useless.  He shift, putting the phone back in a pocket and held up his sign as a few hot older men walked by. One made a comment about selling his body for one dollar. Nathan only shrugged at them. Eventually an older woman, all business it seemed walked up to him and started to bitch him out about how fucked up it was to sell your body for an hour for one dollar. Nathan just shrugged “I need money. I don’t have a job. Sue me.” He says, making her crack a smile and then lean in to whisper in his ear before placing a dollar in his hand. That was the easiest catch he had since he started this brilliant idea of selling his body for services. Not intentionally meant to be sexual ones, but as the months bled by it became just another thing he was willing to offer for some money. It was getting closer to winter and money was going to be getting a lot hard to get because he hated being out in the cold for too long. Even though it was close to his favorite time of the year. It still didn’t make it pleasant for him. Walking down the street to the destination the older woman had whispered to him Nathan cautiously glanced around, it looked pretty fancy. He sighed, feeling a little uneasy about this. Looking at the streets he wondered if he was being followed. Or if he was being set up, maybe this was actually a bad idea after all. The cops kept telling him he couldn’t sell his body and he ignored them because who gave a fuck what they had to say to him, Nathan did not. Walking down the hallways to the apartment she specified Nathan approached the door, looking at the number on it and then reached up, knocking on it lightly.  As she opened it he grinned a little “I made it.” Before he could even finish she was pulling him inside. Her hands pet against him, which was making him even more uncomfortable, but he had asked for this. So he had to just suck it up and deal with it “Eh.” He let out as she looked him over like fresh meat. When she pointed toward the bathroom he frowned a bit but as she insisted persistently pushing him toward it he reluctantly moved. Her hands moved over his shoulders, slipping his clothes off of him in a delicate way, she tugged them off and threw them into the sink, commenting on how filthy they were and looked at him tutting as she saw his bruises and scars on his exposed skin. She pout then and cupped the back of his head in hers, bringing him closer to face. The finger on her other hand ran along his chest gently as she whispered about making him feel better, and that he was a ‘poor baby’ all ‘battered and bruised’. Nathan gave a nervous grin before she pulled away and started to undue his pants and tug them down. Looking into the mirror he smirked and nodded at his reflection as she helped free him from his pants, leaving him in his briefs. She tsked then commenting on how ‘thin’ he was. Nathan looked down at her, keeping his hands at his side as she rose and placed her hands against his chest and gently started to push him back. She moved out of the way then and moved to turned on the shower, telling him to sit facing away from her in the tub and she would get ready. As water soaked into his filthy leaf and grass filled hair Nathan hugged his knee’s to his chest and hummed a little as the water dripped from his hair onto his face, leaving tracks in the dirt on his skin.  He was just absolutely disgusting from head to toe. The woman crouched down beside him, lifting one hand up and then the other. A moment later she was messaging shampoo into Nathan’s hair, which was really relaxing honestly. He didn’t feel as on edge. Though the request had been weird. This seemed to be therapeutic for her.  She leaned in to whisper into his ear then, pressing her lips along the shell of it and whispered that as soon as he was properly clean she was going to fuck his brains out. Which he didn’t expect to come out of a woman who was thirty or forty. Nathan had to tell himself that most woman were not mothers, and didn’t talk like them, at this age. Her hand suddenly yanked at his hair, pulling his head back. Reminding himself he was in this situation because he asked for it Nathan remained calm and grinned as she stuck her hand into the dirty water. Flinching he jumped a little, his body jerking slightly as her hand moved around under the water. About forty minutes later Nathan was dressed and walking down the hallway, wiping lipstick off the sides of his neck and face, he grumbled a bit at how weird all that was before brushing his mild irritation off and stuffing another few dollars she had given him for being such a good sport and just good in general.  Which he guessed that he would be after all, sex had been a big pass time in Damari, for him. Stepping out into the street he inhaled the cooled fall air before turning and making his way down the street toward a store. Taking out a cigarette as he walked, lighting it and taking a few puffs before letting the smoke waft out from his mouth “Fucking hell, these are fucking shit.” 1 WEEK AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF   Favorite Chew Toy It had been four months. Four months since he had seen the outside of confinement. Four months since he had spoke with another person. The only interaction he had gotten was the with staff who ignored him when dropping off meals and drinks. Which was all that he had needed while inhumanely locked away. His crime? Nothing. This time he had done nothing. Breccan had just wanted him locked away. Perhaps because he wasn’t acting out as much anymore. His depression had consumed him, shutting him down as he got lost in it, uninterested in everything around him. Then he was here. Letting out a breath he tugged at the sleeves of his shirt, undoing it strand after strand. Whispering under his breath Nathan rocked back and forth as he sat on the floor pulling on the loose strands of his shirt, putting them to one side. Skittishly he looked around, talking to someone who wasn’t there. Or maybe he was just talking to himself, and had been carrying on complete conversations on his own. But no, Nathan liked to think he had been speaking with imaginary people. Which was pretty bad. He mostly spoke to members of his family, at least how he could imagine them throughout the years. Tugging still on his sleeve he giggled a little before moving to lift up the pile of unthreaded shirt, and wrapping it around his throat, loop after loop. Nathan moved as quickly as he could. He could feel it constricting around his throat. Grinning a little Nathan hung his head. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t. I cant. “He’s not breathing, get help.” A nurse told an orderly who pulled away and ran down the hallway. She reached over then tugging on the threads that were around Nathan’s throat,  pieces of skin cut and bleeding from how tightly he had wound it around himself “Breath!”  The nurse pat herself down hoping to find anything that she could use to cut away the threads. Lifting the sixteen year old up onto her lap against she pulled out some child scissors she had pulled off a patient early that day and with great difficulty began to snip away on one strand after the other “Come on.” She hissed, cutting some of Nathan’s skin with the scissors as she tried to free the threads from around his neck. His eyes fluttered, opening just enough to see EMT’s hovering over him. Nathan let out a breath, the mask on his face fogging up “Noo, noo…” Nathan cried weakly shaking his head. He didn’t want to be alive. Why couldn’t they just let him die already. He didn’t want to be alive anymore. This life was no life he wanted to live. His eyes closed then giving into the lack of oxygen that he had. Two days later he was awake and staring up at the ceiling from the hospital bed he was cuffed to. All but his right hand unable to move anywhere but a few inches. Letting out a breath he swallowed as one of the hospital nurses looked at the stitches on his neck. He had not said anything since waking up and soon he would be taken back to Damari, probably put back in solitary all over again. Maybe without clothes, again.  The nurse left a moment later leaving him alone. Nathan shift looking toward the phone before frowning, he remembered the house number, but didn’t think anyone would want to talk to him.  Still his hand lift up from the bed, reaching for it. Stretching he was just barely able to reach it “Mmm- Mo-” The tips of his fingers brushed against it, shifting the phone. But he couldn’t pick it up “Ah…Pl-j-just a li-” A hand clamped around his wrist and it was shoved back. “Nathan, are we already feeling better?” Breccan asked shoving Nathan’s hand back at him and watching as it fell limply onto the bed. Prescott smirked at the others tears “Don’t look so sad.  They won’t answer anyway.” He looked toward the phone and sighed mockingly at Nathan “I don’t know how many times you need to be told that. They don’t love you. Austin even seems to be doing very well in school. Why, he’s a real stud. Happier without you, as they all are. Mom and dad don’t miss you at all.” Breccan teased leaning over Nathan “Give. up.” He glared, cold and dominant over Nathan “You’ll feel better.” He lied. Planning on not letting his favorite chew toy be happy, ever. 1 WEEK AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  BRECCAN  PAST   Tattletail Pulling away from the apartment door Nathan frowned “Where the hell are you?” He asked out loud looking around the hallway. Austin had been gone for several days now. With a sigh he guessed they were purposely trying to ignore him. Moving his right hand away from the door he brought it up to his face, his finger tips brushing against his freshly bruised eye another little fun gift he received from Isabella a few days before for talking back to her, again. Nervously he brought his hand down to nibble on the tip of his thumb, nervous about leaving again. But he couldn’t exactly just hang out in the hallway “Shit.” Walking down the a sidewalk several minutes later he heard something in an alley he was passing, before he could move out of the way a hand reached out and grabbed his arm, yanking him into it. Slammed against the wall of a building a moment later he let out a pained gasp as his back stung from how roughly he was being treated. Wincing a little he looked at the male that had a hold of him as they reached up to grab his neck, pinning him to the wall. A moment later he heard a laugh, keying him on in what exactly was going on. Isabella stepped out from behind the male, her hand pressing into his face, sending his head smacking into the bricks behind him. She asked what he was doing at Austin’s. Then skipped right to accusing him of tattling on her. Ordering the other to punch him  Nathan moved to protest the accusation as she moved away.  But the was hit before he could get anything out, the air in his lungs leaving. Waking up with a gasp his head jerked up from the blood smeared floor he was on. Looking around it took a moment for him to remember how he got there. After being pulled into the alley he was forced into a car and taken to Isabella’s place. Lifting his left hand up he pressed it against his side, purple bruises covered his chest, almost making the old scars disappear. Swallowing he looked over to Isabella as she entered the room and threw a hand towel at him, telling him to clean himself up. Then as she turned to leave she giggled, saying she wanted to take her dog on a walk. Of course she was talking about him. Wondering what stupid thing she had planned for him to do for her today he stood  lifting the the hand towel up to wipe off his blood. The more difficult spots on his brutalized body being the hardest parts to wash.  He brought the towel down along a split on his hip from one significantly brutal kick to him delivered by one of Isabella’s lackey’s.  Nathan glared at the door as he scraped away at the cut. He had to keep telling himself he would make the gang pay, just like he would make the hospital pay, just like he would make his family pay. As soon as he god his resources. Gripping onto the blood stained hand towel pinkish water gathered between his fingers and dripped out onto his hand. After cleaning himself up enough he walked toward Isabella stopping just out of reach, he adjust his black hoodie as he listen to her yell at one of the gang members. Then her eyes were on him again. Marching over she reached over to grab his ear and yanked him down to her level. Shouting at him about taking too long to clean up. Then she let him go and shoved him toward the door before ordering a few others to come with her on whatever urgent gang thing they were doing. Nathan had zoned out as she was talking. He walked behind her until they were at the car, after she got in he went to get in beside her and she laughed pushing him back out of the car and told him that rats had to ride in the trunk. Before she snapped her fingers at one of her lackeys and order them to put him in the trunk. 2 WEEKS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  PAST   At the others laugh Nathan twitched and pulled away from her, his hands balling at his sides as he tried to not take what she was saying too seriously. But it was hard. And there had been nothing there to disprove what she was saying. Austin had left, and hadn’t been looking for him. At least not as far as he could see. Austin probably didn’t even want to look for him. Which Isabella had told him and was now currently laughing at him because the other had even left town it seemed. She gripped onto the side of his head and yanked him over toward one of the practice dummies she had set up for him. She then yelled at him to do what she asked or she would turn him over to Prescott at the hospital. Several hours later he let out a gasp, reaching up his hands, all the shouting and ordering around and threatening had been messing with him. But he couldn’t stop her. For the last few weeks he couldn’t focus, his mind felt like it was in a deep fog and nothing had been seeming right at all. Not that it really had since he had woken up in the middle of the woods. But now more so then ever there had been an extra layer of un-realness to the world around him. Standing, his hands continued to press into his head, just needing a moment to calm himself down. To process all the thoughts and sounds, the feelings that were building up  “I want to go uh… I can’t…” He looked up before stumbling away from Isabella just before she sent a fist into his gut. Dropping to the ground he gasped as she shouted at him once again, calling him weak and pathetic. Asking where in the hell he thought he was going to go? No one wanted him. She had spat before kicking him in the side, earning a small cry from Nathan as pain shot through his side. Looking up he shivered “ Sorry— I I don’t– I just need a break. I need to–” She kicked him again, telling him not to talk back to her, or to even talk to her at all and just do as he was told. Her foot slammed on his broken hand and twist into it. Bringing up how she would let her sister beat the crap out of him to if he didn’t started being a good dog she spat on his head before giggling  and making fun of him again for being a psychotic mess that Austin ditched Nathan for his ‘precious’ girlfriend. With another kicked, hard enough this time she sent him onto his side before he rolled onto his back, gripping at his side. Isabella smirked down at him before shaking her head and commenting on how he was a terrible dog, and that they still had a lot more work to do with him if he was ever going to be taken seriously in the gang. Turning then she walked away, demanding he get up and stop looking so pathetic. Rolling over, Nathan let out a gasp as he held himself up, then pushed himself up from the ground and started to half walk, half stumble after her. Beads of sweat had formed on his forehead as he finally managed to catch up with her fast walking. Letting out a heavy breath he groaned  “It hurts. You kick too hard….” He whispered, then just watched as she carelessly shrugged and waved him off. After Isabella had finally finished with him for the day and let him go Nathan made his way to a gas station where he bought some ice and then he made his way back to the woods were he had basically lived anyway. Especially since Austin appeared to not want anything to do with him. Dropping back against a tree he let the ice rest every few minute against his side before as he looked at his phone, it was entirely inactive “ Hmm. I had it charged…Why wont it turn on now?” He mumbled before sighing, it was far to frustrating to think about at the moment so he just tossed it to the side and dropped his head back against the tree. 2 days later Walking down the sidewalk Nathan pressed his hand to his side, the pain had numbed after a while but the bruising had seemed to get pretty bad. But over the last few days Nathan had ignored the pain as he was feeling himself becoming more pissed off at every little thing. The reason he was becoming more angry was because well, one, his mind as far as he could tell was messing with him. Making him confused. The people in the town were hunting dead people. He couldn’t quite make out if that were real, which only had been adding to his confused state of mind since the announcement on tv. To tack on to that Austin still hadn’t shown up and he had accidentally locked himself out of the apartment weeks ago. Which was really irritating.  Seeing as he didn’t even have a key. To make matters worse, when he heard of the details that surrounded what the Mayor described as dead his mind just went into full on paranoid/panic mode and that added to his overall anger. Because he realized that the description had fit him and that he was dead. At least as far as whatever game his mind was playing on him had told him. That the town, whatever was really going on in it, were looking for people who looked like him. Also he had realized that Marcus, Jake, and a couple of other people as well had the same traits. Which seemed insane, it really did. Nathan couldn’t process all this madness. He really could not. How come he was dead? How did he die? Why did his eyes even look like that? Was he high? It wasn’t as though they had never looked like that before. Medication go mixed up all the time at the hospital, mistakes happened. But this was a little too much for him, way too much for him to handle he had to get out of here. He could feel himself being unable to breath the longer he stayed in this horrible town. Whatever was going on he didn’t fucking like the feeling he was having at all. He stopped at the street, glaring into a rain puddle, staring into his own reflection at the eyes that didn’t seem right at all.  How could it be? If he really were dead, why did he have to be dead? Was this hell? A world made up in his own mind because how else could he explain that his family just so happened to be in town. How his brother was always right there just popping up and disappearing at times. Though sadly it was mostly just disappearing. Narrowing his eyes on the reflection in the water for a moment before he had to force himself to look away. As he lift his head up he noticed Austin had been walking down the street, and then the other made their way into a building. Glaring after the other he felt all the anger from the last few weeks fill into his body suddenly and started walking across the street, right into traffic. Cars screeched to a halt as he made his way across the road and toward the building. He was going to kill Austin, he was going to kill the other right in that fucking building and then see how HE liked being dead. Or how this stupid world of either his own making or not had liked it. Walking into the diner he scanned the room looking for the other. As he spotted them sitting at a table he moved to one of the nearby tables and grabbed a cup. 1 MONTH AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  PAST   “What the hell are you doing?!” Robert snapped reaching over to grab Nathan’s arm. The elder Douglas yanked his son away from the hole in the ground and grabbed Nathan by his shoulders before shaking him once, violently “That is fucking disgusting. What is wrong with you?” Nathan looked at the other blankly. He didn’t know what to say to defend himself. Robert shook his head  “In the backyard?! Could you be any more fucked up?”  He took his son by the arm and started leading Nathan away from the hole. As they approached the house Robert opened the backdoor and pushed Nathan inside “Clean your hands and got to bed. I don’t want to see you the rest of the night.” Robert then turned back to where the hole was and crouched next to it. 5 hours earlier Staring down at the body in front of him Nathan hid his emotions well in front of his brother and sister. Grace had been crying about it and Austin had been asking a million questions, half of them made no sense or were relevant to what they were looking at. A tingle ran down his back as he moved to look at the bloodied patches of fur. Cold brown eyes scanned the body for each wound it could pick out. Sniffing the air he took note of the stench that came off the body.  His nose curled a bit before he looked a Grace “He’s happier now, Grace. Not suffering, or starving. No more crying in the mornings for what he’s lost.” Nathan looked down with a frown back at the body “He’s safe, finally.”   Grace gave him a confused look before asking how he couldn’t be crying about what he was looking at. In immature frustration she turned and ran away still bawling. Looking at Austin who had been almost just as bad, tears had stained his twins face. Reaching over Nathan pat the tears from the others face, he smiled and tilt his head “It’s going to be alright.” Austin could only sniffle and cry about how it hurt, and that he wanted to just see the dog again. That it was unfair that it had to die so painfully, and probably alone.  Nathan looked away the feeling in his back moving to his tailbone. Letting out a small giggle, he twist a little before adjusting his back. It tickles. Why?  Catching Austin looking at him he put a frown back on his face and as the other said they were leaving and didn’t want to be their anymore he nodded and watched them turn to walk away. Looking around once he was completely alone he knelt beside the body and reached over, running his fingers along the side of the dogs head “You deserved a better family. Instead of the one that left you when they moved.” 30 minutes earlier Digging in the ground Nathan scooped up shovelful upon shovel full of dirt and tossed it to the side. Once the hole was pretty big he took a little bit of a break  and went to gather some things for the burial. Grabbing a stained ninja turtles blanket from the closet, his favorite until it got stained and his mother tried to throw it away. But Nathan cried until she finally agreed to place it in the closet.  Bringing it outside along with a few slices of sandwich meet and  he grabbed a stick from the yard. A few minutes later he had wrapped up the body in the blanket and pushed it into the hole, then tossed the meat and stick inside “So you won’t get bored and hungry where ever you are.” He whispered. Reaching down into the hole he ran his hand over the top part of the blanket. Sitting on the ground he started to shovel the dirt back into the hole staring solemnly into it as he tried to contemplate what it was like, being dead. Of course he knew that as a child it was probably weird to have thoughts like these. But he had always had moments like these. Invasive thoughts that made him think that only adults should have, but he had been given a weird peak into that world every now and then.  Zoning out in that moment he didn’t realize how late it was getting and that his parents were going to be home soon. Present “It’s messed up, Karina. He’s playing with dead animal bodies? What next, a neighbors pet? One of the neighbor kids? One of our other kids?” Robert yelled across the kitchen at Karina, who was just sat at the table trying to process what she had just been told. “Robert, you don’t honestly think that Nathan is capable of doing anything like that?  He’s just a little boy. There has to be more going on. We can’t just send him to see a therapist because he was burying a dog. People bury their pets all the time. I am sure he was just copying what he’s seen on tv.” Robert paced for a moment “ No, it’s not just that he was burying a dog. He’s never been right in the head. Karina, have you he’s either too calm or he’s not. There’s not really much middle ground with him.  In any case, kids have murdered before.  If we ignore the signs we could have child murderer on our hands. I will not have that. He’s going to therapy. That’s final, Karen.” Karen looked across the table at Nathan and frowned “Okay, Robert.  Just to prove that there’s nothing wrong with him. This is not an admittance to your accusation.”  She stood and walked over to Nathan who was just in a state of shock as he tried to piece together what was even going on “And you didn’t have to make him sit through this. You should probably go see a therapist yourself if you are going to keep acting this way.” She scooped her son up and walked out of the room and up the stairs. In the bathroom she helped thoroughly clean off the juices from the body that had gotten on Nathan. Pulling his shirt off and tossing it in the trash “You don’t have to cry, to be upset, Nathan.”  She told the boy “Sometimes being upset can be quiet. Most people just expect it to be visible, on the surface. Because it’s easier to see.” Karina placed a hand on his chest  “All that matters is that your heart can feel it.” Bringing her hand to the side of his head “And that your brain knows.” Tapping his the spots under Nathan’s eyes she smiled “Even if your eyes don’t show it.”  She tickled at his neck then, causing Nathan to giggle and bat at her hand. Smacking playfully at Nathan’s back she ushered him toward his bed “Night boys, don’t let the bedbugs bite. Kisses and love, all that good stuff.” Karina kissed at the pair before flicking the light off and going on to get Grace ready for bed and to check on Bethany. 1 MONTH AGO WITH 1 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  CHILDHOOD   6 Years old, Halloween. Nathan looked toward Austin frowning a little at their reaction to the spooky house and something in particular that had managed to scare the other. He grinned then and reached over rubbing Austin’s back “Don’t cry. It’s not sooo scary.” Reaching over he poked at the item with the plastic pitch fork and then twirled it around in his hand “See?” Grabbing Austin’s hand then he lead his brother toward the house. “Maybe we can get more candy if they see how upset you are. Adults are so easy to score treats out of when they see someone’s kid crying.”  Nathan whispered toward the other as he guided Austin up the steps and then reached over pressing the doorbell button. The sound it made had him jump a little out of his skin as the noise pierced his ears. Reaching his hand up he rubbed the right side of his head as a shadow appeared and before he could say anything Austin grabbed onto his shoulder and began shrieking about a monster killing people in the house before running back down the steps. Standing by himself he watched the door begin to open and for a split second he wondered if Austin were right and the person on the other side of the door was a monster and if he were stupid for not following the others lead. Then a woman showed up and smiled at him bowl in hand. She crouched in front of him then glanced over his shoulder “Nathan, right?” She asked with a smile, then pointed at his outfit “A little devilish are we?” Nathan frowned for a moment before nodding then reached up to slap a button on his chest, a pair of angel wings popped out behind his back “No, I am an angel! I jus’ look like the devil.” He bit his tongue before giggling a little along with the woman. When she offered him the bowl she said to pick out something for Austin. “Tell him apologies for making it a little too scary for him this year. Take extras as a truce.” She smiled before reaching over to pat Nathan on the top of the head. Nodding Nathan grabbed a few of Austin’s favorites from the bowl and turned with a  “Thank you.” Before running back off into the darkness where Austin had run off to. “Hey chicken! We got extras.” Nathan squeaked as he ran up to his brother who had been standing by their mother. Looking at her he blinked and shrunk a little before sneaking Austin’s share in with their hoard “Next house! Next. Oo! That one.” He pointed grabbing onto Austin’s arm and started leading the other as their mother weakly protested for him to slow down. 1 MONTH AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  CHILDHOOD  AUSTIN   22 years old. “Get! OOoofff Of me!” Jerking away, Nathan swerved standing up from his bed before stumbling and crashing down to the ground.  Pushing himself back he glared up at the figure lingering over him as they started making their way toward him “Every god damn year! It’s not fucking funny!” He shout at the hooded figure before a fist back hand him right across the face. Twisting he managed to just barely catch himself before hitting the floor and started to push himself up. Elsewhere he could hear shouting and other anguished cries for help and please to stop. Before he could get any farther the figure in his room grabbed him by the ankle and yanked him back from the open door “Ah ah ah… Nathan you aren’t getting away. Where’s your Halloween spirit? I thought you like a little rough housing and tricks?” The figured taunted before slamming their hand into Nathan’s neck and penning him to the ground. Lifting up a syringe a giggle escaped them “And here’s your treat for being such a bad boy and not taking your pills today.”  Pushing Nathan’s head into the floor they stabbed the needle into him and continued to sit on Nathan until the contents inside started to take effect on the other. Everything had been pitch black by the time Nathan had his next conscious thought. He felt tingly and the noise that surrounded him had been muffled, like it was all happening far away from him. He could tell he was on his back now and something was digging at his chest. But he could not bring himself to open his eyes at that moment.  The muscles in his face twitched as he started feeling panic building up inside, the current state he was in sending him into a state of terror, Wake up….open your eyes! Somethings happening! Wake up, wake up wake up wake up.  His mouth opened and he could have sworn he was screaming but after a second he realized it was only in his mind. Some more time seemed to pass without him noticing. His eyes shot open as a numbed pain shot through his shoulder. As he drifted he heard a giggle. Bringing his eyes to look at  where the sound came from their was a girl holding up a bloodied piece of glass over him. Watching her pick her finger nails against her teeth he felt his breathing pick up in quickening bursts. As she moved to slash at him he lift his right arm up preventing her from slashing his face. Twisting he sent his knee as hard as he could into her side making her shout and throw the shard of glass at him before getting up and running back into whatever chaos had become of the hospital. Panting Nathan slumped back down, pressing his sweaty forehead into the floor. Noticing a few lines in front of him he moved to push himself up off the floor.  Slowly he managed to do this and see what the lines of blood resulted in  “Happy Halloween. Heh. Happy. Maybe for some of these people.” Looking over toward his open door he started to crawl toward it, watching a few patients run by it a few times before he managed to get to the door. Pushing the door closed he sat against it  just as something hard hit the door.  Letting out a breath he closed his eyes  “I hate this month, so fucking month.  I hope the news coverage one ‘tragedy took place at the asylum last night’ news gets the views you sick bastards want.” He muttered reaching up a hand an pressing it against his forehead. “Nathan, what…what did you do?” Opening his eyes he looked over toward the door way seeing a nurse standing there  turning he looked around “I don’t know, maybe you should ask your other patients. They were trashing the place all last night.” He moved, wincing as pain came from one of the cuts. As the nurse made a face he realized that there was something off “That…didn’t happen, last night. Did it?” He asked. The nurse walked over and pulled at his bloodied clothing “No. Nothing happened out of the norm last night. A few patients had it rough, but… this.” She narrowed her eyes on him “How did you get it? Where did you get it from? Where is it.” She started pulling at his bedding and searching him “Give it to me. Whatever you have, right now!” She snapped before nicking her fingers on the shard of glass. Pulling it from the bed she gave him a stern look before lifting up a talkie “Get the room ready, and bring a mop.  He did it, again, yes.” Nathan let out a breathe  “I swear! It’s not what it looks like! I didn’t…I  don’t know how that even got here! Please! There was a guy in my room! I swear! He was really here this time!” Nathan protest only to be made to stand up and be lead out of the room “You have to believe me! I  didn’t do this to my self! Please! I’m-” “No! Nathan, enough! When are you going to just accept that you aren’t well. This is ridiculous. You know. We can’t help you if you keep doing stuff like this!   You aren’t getting any better. Prescott is trying so hard to get you out of here and you keep pulling shit like this.” She yanked on his arm before grabbing his jaw “Don’t you want to get out of here, live your life? Please Nathan, you have to start taking you medication, when you need to take it.” Dragging him into one of the hospital rooms she shook her head  “Just stay there till a doctor can come take care of those cuts. I’ll be back after I inform Dr. Prescott about what happened.”  She turned away from him and left the room. Blinking as the doctor finished up on the cuts Nathan nodded as they said something about them not being deep and that they should heal up nicely. Nicely. Nathan wondered what in the hell that even mattered, honestly. Blankly he stared down at the wounded sections of his body before standing “Like it even matters.” He muttered before walking over to the door and crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the wall “I wasn’t diagnosed with delusions, or hallucinations, you know that? So tell me, how does a seven year old boy sent to a place that’s supposed to help them get better, end up in him only getting worse?” Nathan questioned the doctor who only just looked at him, a look of intense thought on his face before they opened their mouth to say something. The nurse walked in just at that moment and looked at Nathan “All done? Okay. Time to get you into solitary. Thank you Dr. Gavin, sorry for calling you in like this.  But you know how our problem patients can get around holidays.” She waved Nathan to follow her then and exited the room again. Nathan slowly pulled himself up from the wall and looked at the doctor smirking “It’s because we are lonely and our families don’t love us. We just want to die. Maybe one day you don’t come in to treat us, and just let us.” Nathan gave a mock sympathetic look, cupping a hand over his heart before turning and walking out after the nurse. Several minute later he was placed in a room that had the bare minimum in it “Home sweet home. I’ve missed the place. How long has it been, three months?” He turned to look at the nurse who only just looked at him before shutting the door and closing off the world  “Soo just me, myself, and I, for three days.” Twirling he held up his arms slightly from his body, before swinging them a little “What will I do.  Dear Tin… I thought of you last week…” Pacing he waved his left hand through the air, as if writing “Do you remember when we first went to kindergarten, you were so shy. You hid behind me the whole day…” Grinning, his head tilt a little  “How did you manage high school, or talking to girls, without me. I wonder. The girls around here aren’t really easy to talk to, you know. Not that it matters much, I like males a lot more. Would that make you uncomfortable to know that. I miss talking to you. Do you miss me too? Do you think about me? I wish you were here. This is…” Dropping down he wrapped his arms around his knee’s, tears forming in his eyes he dropped his head onto his knees “Too much. It’s too much. I can feel myself slipping away, so far away. I want to be where you all are. Before I lose myself to this place. It always feels like someone is squeezing the air from my lungs, and the warmth out of my heart. It hurts, too much…why do I keep hurting myself when I think of any of you…It’s too much, I’m dying. I’m dying here, like this, stagnant. This isn’t living, this is suffering. It’s suffering, it’s suffering.” 1 MONTH AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  PAST   Pushing himself up he shook his head “No, that’s…Not really my home. That’s yours. You only feel obligated to say that shit.  But in reality, are you sure?  Aren’t I some sort of monster. One day, probably soon, you will find some reason to think differently. Because, you still think that this.” He pointed to his head “Is me, don’t you. Not just part of me. But all of me. Don’t you? I’ll hurt you, I’ll hurt them, our …sisters. And that’ll be it.” With a exhausted sigh he shook his head “It’s only a matter of time. She’s right.” “You don’t remember anything about me, and so there is no love where it should be. So there is no home with you. It’s either I’m an obligation, I am a burden. Or I am your family, Austin, and I don;t know what I am to you or Bethany or Grace. And all of this is hard, and it’s new, and unknown. And I am alone. And everyone will be proven right, because I’m not what they want, what I should be in their eyes. But this is who I am. Whether you fucking love it or not. But I shouldn’t have to mend the bridge that my body was used to burn that bridge with. Do you understand what I am saying?” “ You are mad at me, fine. I hurt her, I did. Be mad.  I see you, your face, all your looks. Just know what you are mad at. A wreckage your parents created. I did not break myself this way. You would not ask a glass plate to mend itself back together. And I can’t either. And Isa- She was right, you guys don’t love me, I’m just a toy. Something for you to use and then throw away when it’s too bothersome to you. If you had listened earlier…Why couldn’t  any of them just fucking listen earlier. No one ever listens to me.” Tripping Nathan dropped back to the ground, laying on his stomach, wincing. Turning onto his side he let out a few heavy breaths before laughing lightly and then going silent his breathing becoming faint “ Just need a few seconds. Then we can go. It’s really hot, my brains melting.” 2 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  A REDACTED REPLY TO AUSTIN  AUSTIN   Glaring after Austin as the other walked away from him his eyes black as a void as they watched their back. He hated them, so much. Hated their fucking face, using his face to be ‘good’ and for that matter. He also hated the people in this town, he thought they were tiresome and moronic. As he watched the twin walk away his hands twitched at all the terrible thoughts that flooded his mind like a wave. Something he could not control, the anger. He had been denied for too long! Playing house was never going to get him anywhere. Righteous fury would!  It would free him from these tormentors, the people who pretended they were his family, and anyone else who thought they could keep him chained to the world they imprisoned him! Fuck you fuckyoufuckyou fuck.you. fuck you fuck you fuck you “FUCK YOU!” He shouted, though they wouldn’t hear him. Turning he started to run even farther from them the sudden strand of anger becoming too much, he feared what he would do if he were to get closer to that waste of space, they were not his brother, but some phantom pretending to be just to control him. Reaching a spot in the woods he ripped his backpack off and flung it violently from his shoulder and sent it to the ground, rolling across the grass and fallen leaves. Letting out a scream he brought his hands up to the side of his head his eyes closing tightly as he yanked at his hair screaming until the air had completely left his lungs, and then trying to force more of the scream from them. It was madness, the entire act of pretending like any of the last few months had been real. Trying to fit in with ….them. Dropping to the ground he started to pound his fists into it trying to let off more of the built up pressure in his head, the anger that had built inside him. All the frustrations that had been bottling up inside him. He hated this, the fact that he was the only real thing in this world. Again, with his lungs filled he let out an ear splitting shout into the emptiness of the woods around him.  Veins popped from under the skin on his forehead and neck. His fingers dug into the dirt and foliage around him. I hate them! They did this to me! I shouldn’t have to play nice! They don’t deserve my forgiveness! I will never forgive them! Panting then he sat back on his legs and  inhaled deeply as his mind finally began to take more control of itself, all the overwhelming emotions had begun to drop off, all of them but the ever lasting anger his own family had planted inside of him many years before.  That was his reminder. That he had something to do here, a purpose. The reason he had decided not to kill himself in the hospital. Slowly rising from the ground he stumbled a bit as a wave of confusion came over him he felt light headed for a moment more before forcing himself to move. Grabbing the backpack up again he continued to walk to his secret spot in the woods. Emptying the contents out and burying them in one of the disturbed spots around the tree’s he stood near.  With a twisted smirk he looked over the circular spots “Almost… It’s almost time.”  Taking the file he stole from the hospital months ago he opened it pulling a map from the center and began to unfold that.  There had been a red circle on one end, just one. And inside the location of the circle was where his family had grown up only minutes from him, happily. Ignoring him. Pretending he did not exist. Cold black eyes stare at the spot hating them even more. No excuse was enough for ruining his life. None. Robert will suffer for what he took from me. He must. 2 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF   Trying some new candy he bought Nathan stared at the tv as he chewed and flipped through channels. He thought it was funny, all these channels and there wasn’t anything he had any interest in watching. Today’s cartoons seemed a little bland, for the most part. Letting out a breath he stopped on one channel and placed the remote on the coffee table before turning over onto his back and staring up at the ceiling as the news played in the background. Nathan started to zone out as he tried to think of something fun to do. Maybe he could go outside and make friends. But everyone else his age seemed to be working most of the time.  Tired, he blinked feeling like he could nap. Slowly sleep began to wash over him and he drifted off into a nap. About an hour later he woke up with a jolt, pulling himself up he forgot where he was. The sound of bath water pouring into a tub faintly washing over his disorientated mind. Inhaling sharply he made a face before swallowing. Then something on the tv had called his attention to it. Watching some man talking what he assumed was angry about something he reached over and grabbed the remote, turning the volume up as the man said something about some dead people coming back to life and being dangerous. Narrowing his eyes a little bit Nathan tilted his head and looked at the screen in disbelief “Dead people coming back to life?” He laughed a little, thinking that the people were a lot more dramatic in this town then he originally thought they were. After listening to the news more he decided he was not comfortable watching it anymore. He also decided that it was just some Halloween thing that apparently the whole town was going to be taking part in “This town is a lot weirder than I knew.” Did I step into a book or something. I must be in a coma, right? That has to be it. Looking around the room he dropped the remote onto the couch and sighed, dropping his head back, No wonder Isabella and her sister are the way they are, this whole town is fucked up. Standing after another moment he walked from the couch, lifting up his backpack and walking toward the door to the apartment and opening it. Moments later Nathan was heading down the sidewalk toward the woods, mostly ignoring everything else around him as he scratched at the cast around his left wrist and hand Fucking thing is so itchy, it still hurts too much.  Nathan thought, grumbling under his breath as he picked at the blueish purple wrappings. As he walked someone bumped into his shoulder, making him stumble back and finally look up from his tunnel vision on himself. Glancing around before looking at the person who bumped into him he gave them a dull look as they said something about watching where he was going. Nathan didn’t let them finish before he continued to walk. He didn’t even bother to look back as they started shouting after him before he turned a corner and continued his walk. Maybe it would be better to move far away from this town, away from the people who share my blood. Moving his right hand back toward a pocket on the backpack Nathan pulled out some money and started counting as he walked toward a bus stop that traveled out of town, he had been wondering about this for a while.  Nearing the sign he walked passed it as he continued to walk down the street and count his money. A few minutes later he stepped out of a gas station with a few snacks and continued to walk down the sidewalk leading to the woods. 2 MONTHS AGO WITH 1 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  BLAH BLAH BLAH  NATHAN DOESN'T KNOW HE'S DEAD  AHAH  AND I DON'T THINK MANY OTHER PEOPLE IN THE TOWN WOULD EITHER OTHER THAN  PEOPLE FROM THE WARD  ANYWAY  HERE'S SOME RANDOM NONSENSE   Laying on the muddy ground, Nathan’s arms were wrapped around  him trying to keep his rain soaked body as warm as possible. He was too  tired and too worried about everything to even attempt to leave.  Thinking he had no where to go anyway. Letting out a shaky breath, his  body trembling, Nathan opened his eyes a little bit. He tried to  listen to anything that would be making sound around him, but all he  could hear was the low numbed sound of a ringing noise in his head.  Tired, Nathan’s eyes shift around, his vision blurring as he tried to  make out the world around him. The shadows being cast from the tree’s  making him think there was danger. His mind was too full of thoughts  that could tell him that he was, for the most part, safe. Closing his  eyes he started to cry silently, burying his head into the grass and mud. Days later, Nathan was still laid roughly  in the same spot that he’d been before. It was raining again, but  Nathan didn’t make any effort to move out from under the tree. His arms  were laid out beside his chest. The fingers of his right hand twitched a  bit as drops of rain splashed into his face up palm. Opening his  eyes a little bit, rain water dripped across his face. Empty brown eyes  shift toward his right hand. Nathan watched the water build up  and spilling out of his palm for a couple of moments before moving his  hand to press against his lips, drinking up the water in his palm.  Sighing once it was gone he closed his eyes again, and continued to  listen to the rain and raging storm around him. After  a few hours Nathan finally started to push himself up. His stomach had  been growling for food for days. But Nathan had been too busy ignoring  that and worried about other things that he had continued to forget  to go get anything to eat.  He did not want to go back to town, not  wanting to run into anyone. He didn’t want to run into Bethany or  Austin, or anyone like that. But he knew Isabella would know about what  happened, she had to of. She had seemed to know a lot of things.  Slumping down, Nathan stared at the ground before lifting his left knee  up to rest his heavy head onto, bringing is left hand up to place over  the side of his tilted  head he let out an exhausted breath. Remembering  the words Isabella had once told him he knew that there was no real  getting out of what was to come, unless he died. Which was one priority  he was favoring at the moment. Rubbing his hand  against his head he grumbled to himself, mostly about how stupid he’d  been for letting himself get that out of control, especially with  Bethany. He was trying hard to do what Austin had asked him to do, and let her get to know him. But was it fair, if she only  got to get to know the side of him that worked for them? Was it fair to him that he should have to hide the damaged side of him from them, for them to accept him. It wasn’t fair at all, he was struggling and now  they were both going to look at him differently, like the monster he’d  always been told he was. He wanted to be angry right at that moment  thinking about it, but he didn’t have the energy to be. A lot of it  had been spent on trying to control himself when dealing with Isabella. Letting out a defeated breath he pulled  himself up and reached out for the tree he was sitting next to and begin  to force himself up to his feet. Maybe that’s all that I am, a monster. The way she was looking at me, the way everyone looks at me.  They will never understand how tiring it is to try and be normal for  them. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to be …like that. …But, I can’t be what they want either. Rubbing his hand against his head  as it started to throb, Nathan winced. He remembered when he’d first  started getting these headaches, or at least when they had started  getting to feel this bad that it made him want to vomit.  Thinking back,  Nathan forced himself to walk toward town, using the tree’s as support. Leaning  against the wall of a building, Nathan’s rain soaked clothes clung to  his feminine frame. Having a hard time keeping his eyes open wide  enough, and not even caring to, Nathan moved to the door of the building  he was making his way around. Pulling open the door he slipped inside.  It didn’t take him long to find something he wanted to eat. Sluggishly,  he took the item from the shelf and moved to the gas station cashier.  Placing the item on the counter he waited on them to ring it up and then  reached into his pocket as they told him the price. Pulling out rain drenched dollar bills he pulled out two dollars and held it out to ward  the cashier. A few seconds later they gave him his change. Lifting up a  shaky hand Nathan let them drop the change into his palm before moving  his shaking arm back and putting the change away “Thanks.” He muttered  before taking the item off the counter and turning to walk out. Nathan  didn’t go anywhere else, he started to walk back toward the woods, where he knew he’d be at least a little safe at the moment. 3 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  PRESENT   Letting out a yawn, before slapping a hand against his face. He looked even more exhausted then usual. Over the last few weeks he had been working on making himself better help for Isabella, while also having her teach him things outside of what he was going out and trying to either teach himself, or pay people to teach him from certain classes that were available around town. He’d also been going to library and reading up on certain subjects that could also help him. Cold dark eyes looked toward two people talking in an alley. Turning he walked over, startling one of the guys and making them run off. Staring at the other Nathan gave a sadistic smile “Well, that was odd.” He muttered taking a step toward them  “I’d say you were doing something illegal, and he thought I was a cop, or a narc!” Pointing at the little baggy in the other males hand Nathan nodded his head “Ooo. Are you selling?  Are you one of the gangs drug dealers?” Nathan asked, seeming to be curious. The other laughed and said he wasn’t part of any gang.  And then they went on to say they were looking for a few quick bucks. As they walked up to him, they reached out, slamming a hand into Nathan’s shoulder. Then grabbed his shirt and pulled Nathan closer to them. As they threatened him Nathan could only stare, looking bored by their threat. Then his knee came up right between the others leg,  making them pull away and drop down at the waist. Nathan took that opertunity to bring his right arm around his neck and then throw it out, smashing the back of his right hand against their face so hard they dropped to the ground. Before they could even try to defend themselves Nathan was leaping onto to them. Striking the male in the face till blood started to blossom out from breaks in the skin on their face. Even then Nathan was in a frame of mind that he couldn’t tell that enough was enough. He wanted more blood.  Pausing after another minute he looked at his hand and smirked, seeing the blood smeared across is and branching out from the wounds across his knuckles. Bringing the fist to his lips his tongue lapped out, licking up both his and the other males blood from it “Mmm… Tastie.” Dropping the hand back down to the other male as they panted and cursed at him, calling him ‘crazy’ and ‘disgusting’ among some of the things they had been saying. Dropping at his waist, he gripped onto the others head and dropped his head down onto the male that was under him, pressing their foreheads together “Mmmm.” He hummed rubbing his face against theirs, getting their blood all over his. Then he dragged his tongue all the way up the side of their face, lapping at a split in their skin. Nathan’s body was starting to tremble.  Letting out a breath he pressed his lips against the others forehead. The rush and adrenaline pumping through his body, the smell of the blood being so enticing to him. The world around him started to flash from the alley to the image of the hospital. The guy he’d been sitting on shifting between that of the drug dealer and a patient that was bleeding almost like the drug dealer. Letting out a gasp Nathan’s eyes rolled into his head a little bit. Pulling up, the world around him locked in on the image of the hospital. Lifting his left hand up from the drug dealers face, he moved it to his side, grasping at it. At the moment there was nothing there. But when he looked down in his memory there was a stain of red over his grey shirt  and four little puncture wounds in his side. Turning his head as he heard an orderly shouting at him Nathan glared into the emptiness of the alley, before everything flashed white and red. The drug dealers fist connecting with the side of his head.   In the time he was reacting to the sudden strike, they had shoved Nathan off of them and were starting to run away. Leaving Nathan on his back, giggling and squirming a bit on the ground a little hysterically “No…No no no…Please…I’ll be a good boy…Daddy…I’ll be good, so good…” He laughed against, bringing his hands to his mouth, trying to contain it. The laughing sounded more like he was taunting his father than anything else. Then it died off. Moving his hands from his mouth Nathan stared up at the night sky, giggling every few seconds. The next thing he remembered was waking up in Austin’s apartment, not having any memory of what happened after the drug dealer had grabbed him in the alley. Rubbing his head  he pulled himself up from the bathroom floor and looked in the mirror, freezing as he’d seen the blood on it and then looked to his right hand. Nathan moved to wash it all off and covered his bruised injured hand with his hoodie sleeve.  Walking out of the bathroom he realized it was still dark out. Walking toward Austin’s room he listened for a moment, hearing them sleeping inside “Hm.” Turning away he moved toward the living room and sat down. Lifting his right hand up he looked at it, wondering about the drug dealer. He could conclude that he’d hit them, of course. But he didn’t know how bad “Fuck.” Rubbing his left hand against the side of his face he let out an exhausted sigh, too tired to want to think about how stupid he felt for not being able to remember. 3 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  TW BLOOD  TW VIOLENCE   Tapes Part ½ Age 7 The tape begins, Breccan Prescott, a young man in training for the future profession he would later be taken on, had been allowed to visit several patients, for his training. One of those being Nathan Douglas. The young boy had been left at the hospital by his parents and been described as mentally disturbed. A malleable boy, Prescott had taken full advantage of this and since had been seeking as much time as he could to break the child’s willfulness and render him powerless against him. And nothing had ever hurt Nathan more than telling him his family had not wanted him, they had never wanted him and that they didn’t love him. It would send Nathan into fits of rage and tears, pleasuring Prescott to no end. Today was another one of those days, Prescott entered the room and watched the young boy at the table, who had paused the moment the older male entered. Nathan stared at his papers on the table, pressing a crayon into it hard, seemingly trying to gather strength for what was about to play out for him. He hated this man, he had hated these people, and this building. But this man he had hated most of any of them. He wouldn’t just leave him alone. Watching the hands on the other side of the table get folded over a paper folder he pulled his eyes away. “Nathan, will you look at me?” “No.” “Nathan, I want you to look at me. Or I won’t tell you the good news I have for you.” Scrunching his nose up the small boy gripped onto the crayon. His mind racing then. It was a lie, it had to be. Sniffling a bit from how cold the room had gotten he shook his head at Prescott. “Nathan, I mean it this time. I have something really nice for you. Won’t you please talk to me. I’ll give it to you if you play our game.” Prescott moved his right hand disappearing for a moment and then seconds later came up with a box that was taped shut “In this box is something I heard that you’d been asking about…If you talk to me. I’ll let you have it.” Cautiously, Nathan looked up, tilting his head slightly. He knew that the other wouldn’t bring him anything that he had ever spoken about. But that idiotic childish part of him could not help playing into the other man’s hand. Prescott had the power here. Prescott and all the other adults around him had a lot of power. He could understand that. Just how much power, he had no idea. But he knew they had the power to keep him here, or, if he were good, get him back to his family. He just wanted to get out of this place “Fine. What do you want to talk about?” “Why don’t you tell me more about your family? Hm? How about your older sister. More about your little sister?” Prescott smirked and scooted toward the boy “How about your mother, or your father? Tell me what it was like at home…We need to figure out how to help you, Nathan. And telling me more about family will help us get you home.” He reached over and petted Nathan on the head, shoving it toward the table a bit. Nathan jerked away from Breccan and glared  “I told you why I did iiit!” He squeaked turning his arms over and holding his hands up on the table “ I was tryin to help her! That’s why I’m heeere! He told me, dad said-?!” Prescott’s hand slammed sideways onto Nathan’s left arm then, making him yank both arms from the table and hold his left arm with his right hand as he started tearing up, beginning to cry. Breccan stood up then and walked to the other side of the table, moving closer to Nathan  “There there…Let me see your arm. I didn’t mean to hit you, I was only trying to grab your arm to ask you about your father. He seems to be a sore subject for you.”  Moves a hand to gently pet Nathan on the head, more like an animal than out of any sort of affection for the boy. “I don’t want to talk about him!” Nathan shouts, sounding more upset  “I hate him…” Reaching his right hand up then he started to rub his eyes. Sniffling he realized he didn’t mean to say that. He was just really upset with his father and Breccan bringing up the other had served to make him feel that anger again. It was his father’s fault he was trapped in here with these people.  But he flinched when Breccan’s hand moved from the top of his head and into a fist, slamming onto the table violently. Breccan continued to smile at the boy  “Tell me why you hate him. Is it because he gave you away? Is it because he doesn’t love?”  Suddenly he grabs Nathan’s jaw “He doesn’t, none of them loved you, Nathan. You have been nothing but a burden. To them, to everyone. That’s why you were sent here. We are doing this to help you, Nathan.” Lifting his hand up to move a few strands of hair from Nathan’s face then “So that you are the little boy they wanted, in the first place. We can’t let you leave here until your own family loves you. If you got hurt out there, it would break our hearts. You don’t want your family to hurt you, do you? They will if you are a bad boy…” Nathan curled away from the others touch pulling his legs up to his chest “Go away!” He shouted, sobbing “I don’t care! Get away from me! I just want to go home!” Watching Nathan the older male smirked at the boy’s reaction to him, knowing he was pressing the right buttons to set Nathan off. Breccan continued to prod fingers at him “Aw. You love your family. It’s a shame they don’t love you. We wish for you to be with them, Nathan, don’t you believe us?” Petting Nathan again the boy curled into himself, holding his legs close to him “Naaathan…” “Stooooop!” Prescott jabbed Nathan in the head “They don’t love you, and they won’t until we are able to help you.” Nathan threw out an arm and smacked Breccan on the face, but sent himself tumbling out of the chair, where he landed on his back and started thrashing around angrily kicking the chair at Breccan who stood up and moved back to where he was on the other side of the table. Looking at the mirror then to the camera in the room he frowned and sat down watching Nathan freak out on the floor  “Nathan, do you love your family?” “Nooooo! Noo!  I hate them! I hate you!” Breccan gave a surprised look then and frowned “You hate me?  Who do you hate?”  The older male asked. Nathan continued to kick the chair violently and throw his arms around as he wiggled on the floor, absolutely hysterical “EVEryone! I hate everyone! Get away from me!”  Sucking in a shaky breath Nathan shouted at the top of his lungs, bloody murder, his face turning red. Standing up Breccan held back a grin and placed his hands on the desk  “Is that why you tried to kill your sister? Nathan, is that why you had tried to kill your sister? Did you hate her? She was getting all the attention, and you were getting none of it?  You wanted to kill her, didn’t you?” Nathan was kicking more now, and somewhere along the line he had cut himself open somewhere, and was staining the floor and sending drops of blood flying around him  “Aaaaahhh!!! I want to kill you!” He shrieked smacking his head against the floor “I want to kill all of you! I want you to die! I want - I don’t- I do!” He sent his foot into the chair again and thrashed around. Prescott quickly moved to Nathan’s side, facing away from the camera and grabbing Nathan up into his arms. Leaning down he managed to grab onto both of Nathan’s wrists and press them to the small boy’s chest, bringing Nathan’s thrashing body close enough to him that he could whisper into Nathan’s ear “Say it… say you wanted to kill her. And you were planning on killing everyone in your family, Nathan.  Tell the truth…” Pressed into Breccan’s chest Nathan was unable to move as much but remained hysterical and confused. Nathan’s eyebrows twitched at Breccan’s insistence  “I diiiiddnnn’t!!!” He shouted before feeling a sharp pain in his ribs when Breccan jerked his body violently in an odd direction.  Letting out a cry of pain Nathan kicked his feet as it started to growl “LET GO! I hate you! I hate you!!! RaAAA!!” Viciously he tried to bite Breccan’s arm in an attempt to get Breccan to stop hurting him. “Say you wanted to kill your family,” Breccan whispered, applying more pressure to Nathan’s back, earning more gasps of pain from the small child. He started to dig his fingers into Nathan’s chest “Say it…” “I did! I wanted to hurt Bee! I hated her! She took it! Please! It- I hated them all!”  Nathan sobbed  “They are pathetic!  Stupid! I hate Grace! And I hate Austin! I was going to- I would have- If dad had not caught me!  I would have been the only ooooonnnnee! Stoooop!!!–Owww Let goooo!!” Nathan started thrashing around violently again and scratching at Breccan’s wrists. Breccan stood up and threw the child to the ground in a way that made it seem like Nathan had flung himself to the floor. Nathan stood up and started shoving the table and chair away from him in his fit of rage and then tried to throw the chair at Breccan, but missing and knocking the camera over. He then threw himself at Breccan who had stood behind the camera by then and pushed Nathan’s head to the ground just out of sight from the Camera, leaving only a small image of Nathan on the floor scratching violently at it and shouting like he was a demon or possessed. Nathan fell back a moment later and continued shouting at Breccan throwing his arms out in defense as Breccan reached over in an act to look like he was trying to help Nathan up from the floor. Nathan scratched the other though and pushed himself away from the older male and under the table, covering his eyes with his hands and crying as he sat on his knees, shaking violently while he was sobbing. Reaching down Breccan lifted the camera then and said  “I don’t think we should send this tape to them. The next one maybe. This one will have too many edits to it.” He turned off the camera then and ejected the tape from the recorder. Later that night Breccan went home and took the tape with him.  Once inside he went up to his video library and placed the tape next to a few others, all saying ‘Nathan’ and having a number at the end of them. Marking on the recent tape Breccan added ‘#17′ to it. Then he turned and walked away, his sick video collection as a bit of a memento of his trials with Nathan.  Who had quickly become a favorite subject for him among patients he was allowed to interact with. Over the years Nathan’s tapes were moved around but usually left out in the open, as a prize more than something to watch.  As VCR’s became a thing of the past Breccan felt a lot more comfortable with his display being a lot more obvious.  He had kept them on the second to top shelf in his office, the names on the tape still easy to read. 4 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  CHILDHOOD  BRECCAN  TAPES   Lifting his hand up Nathan waved it over the white keys of a keyboard before slamming his palm down onto the electrical piano in front of him. Pulling himself up as the keyboard cried out from the keys he was pressing he pulled himself up and onto the seat just beside the keyboard. Smirking a little bit as he looked over at Austin who was yelling at him and covering his ears “Oh it wasn’t that long, don’t be such a baby.” He laughed lifting his hand up from the keys and tapped at them for a moment. He’d gotten it as a present a year before for Christmas. And most days couldn’t help but play with it. Though so far he hadn’t had any lessons that would make him out to be any kind of pianist, by no stretch of the imagination. Nathan wanted to learn to play it though. Pulling himself up onto the keyboard he looked at the buttons on the top just over the keys  “Hmm.” Making a face at them he wondered which one he wanted to play with.  Organ? Electric guitar?  Tambourines?  Reaching over he pushed in a number and it automatically started playing a song from Aladdin. Canceling it a moment later he continued jabbing at buttons, not really sure how any of them worked at all yet. The six-year-old was still learning and the machine in front of him wasn’t exactly a toy. His parents made that very clear that if he was seriously wanting that he had to take care of it. Taking a deep breath he poked at the keys again “Hmm. Tiiiiin,  how do I get it to the teacher thing… To learn how to play it..Er, the song.” A moment later he watched as Austin came over to help him with the keyboard, pushing a few buttons and then pulled away with a ‘there’. Nathan sat down in the seat and watched the small screen on the keyboard light up and show him which keys to play in order to learn how to play A Whole New World, on it. For the next few hours Nathan played with the thing, at one point he just delved into playing keys at random, much to the annoyance of pretty much everyone.  Especially their father who eventually came up and ripped the plug to the machine right out of the wall and tossed it at Nathan “You are terrible, that’s enough for today, Nathan. You are giving me a headache.” Nathan just looked up at the other frowning before grabbing at the cord and letting it slide onto the floor “Oh-Ah…sorry. Right. Okay. Dad.” He glared at the other before turning away. Only for a hand to grab his arm and jerk him back toward the older male  “Was that a glare? I better not be getting any attitude from you. This is my house. If I say to do something else, you do it, happily, understand?” “Yes.” Nathan looked away before his arm was held a lot more tightly and he looked up at the other “Okay. Yes!  I heard you. Please-”  He was let go then and Robert smiled at him before turning and leaving the room. Nathan slid off of the seat and stood beside it for a moment rubbing his arm before walking over to join Bethany and Austin. Sitting down he let out a sigh “I was just learning to play…” Reaching over he picked up a few legos and started to put them together, looking a bit defeated. 4 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  CHILDHOOD   Tasmin Sitting on the floor alone in the living area of the children’s ward, a Disney movie was playing on the tv. One of Nathan’s own choosing since he had been the only child there at this time, in the children’s ward entirely. This would happen from time to time since most parents usually only had their kids spend from up to a few hours to a few days at the hospital. But Nathan’s predicament had obviously been different. He was the sole permanent resident in that ward.  Pushing a knock off brand toy car across the floor Nathan glanced up to watch the scene from the Disney movie play out before going back to absently pushing the car. While he looked like he was just stuck in a loop, on the inside he was telling himself a story. Warm brown eyes flicked up again as a sigh from the corner of the room could be heard. A nurse sat in a chair, boredly flipping through a magazine, obviously, she felt that she could be doing anything else. What on earth was a seven-year-old going to do anyway? Escape? The doors were securely locked and he would have to walk quite a ways and passed several check points to even do something like that. She looked up then, seemingly feeling his eyes on her and gave him a smile “Are you ready for your nap?” Nathan shook his head and looked back down pushing the car back and forth once again, zoning back out. Nathan was bored, he didn’t like when he was the only one there. He wanted someone to talk to. More than anything he wanted his brother, he missed their conversations. Letting out a depressed breath Nathan stopped himself from tearing up. He knew that he was here to get better. But he just wished it hadn’t been taking so long to do that. He didn’t even know what was wrong with him. They just kept telling him he was sick and that he was here to get better. Better from what though? It didn’t help matters that his own father had told them he was trying to kill his sister.  Nathan did not care if he never saw that man again, even so young he felt so betrayed and hurt by the others words, by their accusations. Not even fully understanding what was going on. Nathan just felt it was wrong, the entire time. Suddenly the nurse moved again and he looked back up watching her “Smoke break, you can watch yourself for a few minutes, right?” She waved and exited the room. Sitting there Nathan stared at the door for a moment, this wasn’t exactly uncommon, to be left alone by everyone in the back of the hospital. Swallowing he looked around as he heard a noise.  The hospital was always making noises, or someone was always making some sort of noises. Though alone in the children’s ward he only heard the faintest noises at night coming from next door. There were so many empty rooms between him and those people. At least to a child, there seemed to be that much space. Nathan hoped he would leave this place long before ever having to live anywhere near any of that noise. Sucking in a breath he looked back down at the toys around him and pushed the car again, toward the doors. He watched it for a moment before turning to dig into a small box of knock off legos. As he was digging he heard the door open and then shut a moment later, but didn’t look over because he figured it was just in nurse, made to return to do her job. Nathan pulled out a block and turned it over in his hand before something hit his knee gently. Looking over it was the car he had pushed toward the door “Hm?” Reaching over he picked it up off the floor and inspected it in confusion. Running his hand over the wheels he frowned “Ho-” From the corners of his eyes a form moved closer and then sat in front of him. Looking over at the mysterious visitor he blinked his eyes widening in fright as he stared over the dark skinned woman sat in front of him. His tiny body froze up as they just stared at each other before she smiled the warmest smile at him and reached over to play with one of the other cars on the floor. She then glanced over at him “Hello. My name is Tasmin. What is yours?” Blinking Nathan sucked in a breath, his mouth opening about to say something before he remembered what his mother had told him many times before “Not allowed to talk to strangers.” He said gently placing the car in his hand back down on the floor, pushing it back and forth. “Oh. Right. Yes, of course. She is a smart woman.” Tasmin looked at Nathan “I’ve seen you here for a long time.” She paused “A little kid shouldn’t be alone all the time.” She said continuing to stare at Nathan. There seemed to be more she wanted to say. But with Nathan’s age, she seemed to figure it would be impossible to get anything out of him at the moment “How about we become friends. Then we won’t be strangers.” She offered him still smiling. Nathan perked up slightly  “Friends?  Ah…Yeah. Friends aren’t strangers?” Nathan cooed before picking up the car and playing with one of the wheels shyly. Tasmin nods “Right. Friends aren’t strangers.” She thought for a moment before going on pulling the box of off brand legos toward her “When my son was your age he would always play with these things.  He was good at the building part. Never really good at the putting away part.” She mused looking sad for a moment before looking at Nathan. Smiling excitedly Nathan sat up on his feet  “Oh? Did he make stuff? I made stuff too. My legos are better than these.” Nathan said reaching in to grab one of the blocks  “I don’t know what to make with these.”  They didn’t seem to go very well together, he sighed and dropped the block in his hand back into the box. “I bet you got all sorts of cool toys back at home, don’t you?” She didn’t want to upset him by bringing up things he had at home. Seeing as he wasn’t home and he was just so little, something told her that he was too sweet not to get upset by reminders of home  “Little G.I’s and action figures, huh?”  She questioned. Nodding happily Nathan leaned forward on his hands toward the other, grinning sillily at the woman “Yeah yeah! I got um… I got these… Marvel ones. You know marvel?” He questioned tilting his head and his eyes glancing down at he gave a slightly confused look while he was thinking “I make them date my sister’s Barbies!” He exclaimed before giggling. At this Tasmin smiled, so happy by the adorable little boy in front of her. He suddenly reminded her so much of her son “Do you? That’s so cute.” She laughed “I bet you are a great brother, is she younger than you?” Pausing Nathan pulled back and twist a little bit from where he was sitting “I got two sisters! One big- one small. I’m a great big brother!”  Nathan chirped, then suddenly frowned “Was.- Was.” He corrected himself sitting back his eyes watering. Tasmin thought quickly, her hand reached over and cupped a hand under his chin, making him look at her “Are. You are a great brother. Who told you you weren’t a good brother?” She questioned. Sniffling a little bit Nathan shook his head  “I- Dad said…He said I hurt her.” Tears started to stream down from his eyes and his hands moved up to wipe them off from his face,  “He said I was bad,” Nathan said, his voice cracking. That really seemed to piss Tasmin off though, hearing him say that and how upset he was over it. Lifting her hand up he ran it through his hair, motheringly “Shhh shhh. It’s okay.  He shouldn’t have told you that.  You aren’t bad.” She leaned in closer to him “You don’t need a dad like that anyhow.” She seemingly put two and two together then and moved to pull him into her lap shushing him gently, as she continued to run a calming hand over the top of his head as he continued to cry, more upset this time. But after a moment he seemed to calm down “See, there,  aren’t I  such a nice stranger?” Tasmin teased, tickling his stomach until he started to giggle and push away her hand. Just then the nurses hands reached out to grab Nathan out of Tasmin’s hold, picking him up from under his shoulders she moved him to stand behind her “Tasmin, we have already told you this. You can’t be here. It doesn’t matter what your excuse is, this ward is off limits to you and the others.” She whispered harshly before moving to pick Nathan up and held him on her hip as he moved to get closer to Tasmin “Nathan, no. It’s time for your nap.”  The nurse nodded toward the orderly standing behind Tasmin as the other woman stood “Take her back to her room, tell them they need to keep a better eye on that madhouse over there. What if one of those sick bastards got out…” She looked at Tasmin “Next time we might not be so lucky that it was just her.” With that, the Nurse watched The orderly guide Tasmin away who shouted toward Nathan “I’ll see you around, okay?” She smiled at him before she was pulled out of the doorway. Nathan looked at the nurse  “What’s a bastard. And why is there so many over there?” He asked curiously only getting an eye-roll in return before the nurse placed him back on the ground and grabbed him by the wrist and started to walk him out of the room. A few minutes later she was watching him get into his bed “Nap for an hour, then after that, lunch.”  Nathan nodded pulling the blanket up to cover the bottom half of his face, he grinned before giggling and kicking his legs  “Bas-tard is a silly word.”  The nurse rolled her eyes and turned away from him shutting off the light to the room and exiting it. 4 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  CHILDHOOD  TASMIN

Monster Laying on his stomach in the playroom in the children’s section of his ward Nathan was drawing out an image on a sheet of paper.  He had been doing this for the last hour of his four-hour break between sessions and school work. A piece of paper then hit him in the back of the head bouncing off and rolling onto the floor. Nathan let out a small sigh and looked over to see which one it was this time. Before then turning back to his image and started to give his characters names, when I get home, maybe we can go there as a family. I hope they don’t go without me… He thought with a small frown as he continued to color in the image. A marker then smacked him in the ear, making him hiss a little as a shot of pain lit up his right ear. Reaching up he rubbed it and looked over at the boy “Stoooop.” He whined before turning away again and a bit more annoyed now, continued to color. His right ear had turned a bright red as it was still hurting a bit. He was fine for another few minutes before pieces of crayon started to get pelted at his head and back. Slamming his hands onto the picture Nathan narrowed his eyes angrily at the space in front of him, his fingers digging into the carpeted floor  “I. Said. Stop It.” He grated through clenched teeth before looking toward the boy and sitting up then, sitting awkwardly comfortably on his legs. Crouching over the image then he continued to color and things were okay for a moment before he could see the shadow of someone as they approached. Looking over he glared “What do you waaaant?” Nathan asked, already over trying to be anywhere near friendly. This kid was always bugging him during their breaks. Nathan felt extremely uncomfortable when they were left in the room with out supervision, even with other kids around. Just then they pushed a hand into his head, making Nathan instinctively smack their hand away  “Don’t touch me.” He snapped. “Or what, are you going to throw a fit? Too bad your mommy isn’t here to make you feel better.” They taunted him shoving his head down again. They then laughed a bit before going on “I heard your dad doesn’t even visit you. -They just left you here because you were too much of a hassle.” Their index finger pressed into the top of his head. Nathan blinked as they spoke, his body filling with some much rage he felt the waves of heat washing over his body “That’s… That’s not true…He… My mom…” Why was he even explaining? There was no point in it. No one ever listens to a single thing he said. And with that thought he only got madder. “I heard one of the doctors say they don’t want you to come home.”  They laughed dropped down to get their face in his “You did something really bad- and now they don’t love you. It was so bad I hear-” They were cut up by Nathan’s forehead smashing right into their face busting their mouth open and splitting the bridge of their nose. Nathan hopped up as they dropped back onto their back crying out in pain. He jumped onto their stomach and started bashing his fists into their face before that started hurting and he was too angry to want to stop hitting the other. So he grabbed onto their shirt and pulled them up and started smashing his forehead repeatedly into the other boys, sending splatters of blood from them both sprinkling onto the floor “You. Don’t. Know. SHIT!”  Nathan said as his forehead collided with the others at each word he spoke. Then an orderly finally came over and grabbed up Nathan from the other boy and had to pry Nathan’s hands from their shirt. Letting out a growl Nathan continued to reach out for the unconscious kid as he was being dragged from them by the orderly, his small blood covered hands angrily swiping at the air and his legs kicking  “Take it back! Take it back! They love me! They love me! TAKE IT BACK!” Tears spilled from his eyes, mixing with the blood on his face “Take it baaack….take iit baahaaack….They do…” Grabbing onto the orderlies arm he sobbed pressing his face into their arm his body shaking and crumbling against it “They love me…I’m theirs…I’m theeirs…I’m their son… I’m their son…” The orderly holding onto him sat on the floor holding Nathan against them to keep him from breaking free. But they gave a concerned look to one of the nurses before looking back at Nathan and cooing as they ran a hand over the top of his head as he began to sob against their arm. Not knowing what else to do but try and comfort the small sobbing boy in his arms. “Did you write that down?” “Y-yes. I just, did you really have to instigate this?” “Don’t question me, I asked if you wrote down the incident. Forget this part of it. Just write that he attacked another boy viciously for wanting to share crayons.” The young doctor ordered to someone as he stared through a two-way mirror, giving a small smirk “And fire that orderly. I don’t like his conduct with the patients. Coddling? How in the world are we going to learn more about these fucked up people if we have someone willingly trying to halt progress by calming them down.” With that, the doctor left the room behind the mirror and a moment later entered the play room. “Let the child go.-Nathan, come here, right now.”  The doctor ordered. Nathan stood up and pulled away from the orderly who just stood and wiped the blood off his arm  “That will be all for you, Mr. Kien. I’ll take him to get stitches.” The doctor then reached out and grabbed Nathan’s wrist and started guiding him out of the room. A couple of hours later the same doctor and Nathan were walking down a hallway and soon came up to a room. The doctor opened it and waited for the boy to go inside before following and closing the door behind them. As they walked into the room Nathan stood in the middle of the room sniffling as the doctor with him tutted at him “What are we going to do with you, Nathan. You are extremely violent. Your parents said, if you can’t control your anger, you won’t be allowed to go home. I thought I told you this before? No one wants a bad kid.” Nathan swallowed hard and looked up at the other following as the doctor circled around him “I guess there is no hope for someone like you, Nathan. Monsters cannot help but be bad.”  The doctor reached over and placed a hand on Nathan’s shoulder before sighing and shaking their head  “I guess Austin will be disappointed in you again. I can’t in good faith allow you to return home like this. I’ll have to tell your parents how bad you are being.” Nathan hiccuped tears streaming down his face  “I’m sorry! Please! D-don’t tell them! I- I was- I was trying to be good. Please. I- I don’t…” He paused not knowing what to say  “I don’t mean it! I …I am not- I …I-i-i…” Nathan’s mouth hung open  “I don’t want to be a monster, please. I’ll say sorry! I’ll apologize to him! Please!”  As the doctor stood up straight Nathan grabbed onto their waist “ Pleeeeaaase! I don’t wanna be…I don-I don’t! I want to go home!  Please don’t tell them I’m a monster!  I am sorry! I can’t help it! - PLEEEAASE!” “It’s too late Nathan, the damage is done. There’s probably no saving you from doing harm to others. You just cannot help yourself. You feed off the pain…” The doctor smirked ���And blood, you find it fascinating, don’t you?  I’ve seen the way you look at it.” Nathan pulled away, giving a slightly disgusted look, but also one of shock as if his secret had just been discovered “You are a disgusting monster. The worst kind.” The doctor reached out and grabbed onto Nathan jaw, flicking the tears on his face away “One who only cries crocodile tears and gets a sick thrill from the pain of others. People like you don’t deserve friends or family.” Looking up at the doctor the lump in his throat grew and he backed away “I-I d-don’t…I-i-it-it’s gross!  I swear! I don’t mean to! Please don’t tell them! I-…” He didn’t know what to say. When he saw blood he just had this weird feeling and he couldn’t express it. He didn’t know what to do with it  “I -I…” “You are a monster. And monsters need to be kept away from everyone else. Don’t they, Nathan.” With that the doctor turned and walked away from the boy, opening the door again “You will stay in this room for the next two weeks, and receive no visitors. I will be informing your parents, good night, Nathan.” With that, the doctor left slamming and locking the door as they did. Nathan blinked, tears still welling over in his eyes and slipping down his face. He just stared at the door for a long time before finally dropping hopelessly to his knees and sitting on his legs again, sniffling. His head felt like it was going to explode there were so many thoughts rushing through it.  Dropping to his side on the floor he started crying so loud that after a minute one of the people in their rooms next to his told him to shut up. Though when he didn’t more patients began to get irritated which started off an entire four-hour bickering contest between people telling each other and him to shut up. Nathan didn’t do anything but continue to lay on the floor and cry before passing out from exhaustion on the floor of his room. Only to be placed on the bed an hour later by a nurse that was doing a check on the patients. 4 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  CHILDHOOD   Night Night, Nerd. Nathan was sitting on his legs awkwardly as he sat in the sandbox, filling a plastic shaping toy full of sand. His sister was allowed to take him and his brother to the park with her today, since they were only just down the street and their parents were busy with the taking care of Bethany. Nathan, even at five had been calm and could easily keep himself distracted. Austin, on the other hand, was noisy and was sitting beside him playing with a toy that had nothing to even do with sand. Smacking the plastic onto the sand pit Nathan tapped it a bit to help the sand slide out as he looked over at Austin as he was talking to him  “Mhm.”  He smiled at the other then “I think it’s gonna break, you got sand in it.” Nathan said, pointing at the toy in Austin’s hand “Maybe play on the grass.” He then went back to what he was doing as Austin thanked him and actually walked away. Looking after Austin, Nathan made a face  “I didn’t mean for you to go…” He muttered with a pout, to himself. Several minutes later his sand castle was looking fairly detailed, as detailed as a five-year-old could possibly make anyway. Which was not to say that a five-year-old could not make a masterful and detailed sand castle, by the way. The park had started filling up with more kids, so much so Nathan had a few visits to the sand pit that he talked to and appeared to make friends with. As he was talking he caught out of the corner of his eye and older boy shove Austin, sending his brother crashing to the ground and take the others fancy little toy. Nathan looked at the kids he was talking to then seemingly ignoring the incident. He smiled a bit as he listens to his brothers distant crying. After a couple more minutes though he stood up and walked through his castle he had been building the last few hours. Walking over to the two boys harshly playing with his brothers toy “Hey! Give me that. That’s mine.” Nathan held out his hand then. “Or what?” Said one of the boys as they yanked the toy from their friend’s hand and started to walk toward Nathan, standing taller than him, so made sure he stood as threatening as a possible eight years old could possibly stand. Nathan thought for a moment “Or, I’ll take it back.” He grinned, though at that moment he had no idea what he was going to do. He didn’t think that hitting the other was going to be very fun, honestly. Maybe he could tell Grace. No! He wouldn’t, he was going to get Austin’s damn toy back no matter what! It felt like his brotherly duty! The boy laughed “You are going to make me?” He then reached out and pushed Nathan in the chest, forcing him back “ And what if I don’t let you make me?” They pushed a hand into Nathan’s chest again. “I’ll tell my mom, and she’ll tell the cops. And you’ll be a thief, and you’ll go to jail.” Nathan said narrowing his eyes on the boys then “And I heard that kids who go to prison have to live with strangers.” Nathan was trying to be threatening, but he knew nothing about how any of what he was talking about actually worked. “Pff.” The boy said in irritation before smacking the toy hard across Nathan’s face, sending him to the ground and then he threw the toy at Nathan as he was on the ground “Whatever, it’s a stupid toy anyway.” With that, the two boys ran off. Nathan reached up to rub a hand against the red marks on his face and wiggled his nose as he winced in pain. But brushing that off he reached over and grabbed the toy off the ground and stood back up. Brushing himself off before he started back toward his brother. Crouching behind the other he held the toy in front of Austin’s face “Look what I goooot.“  Beeping the toy against his brother’s nose gently he placed the toy in Austin’s hand and turned to sit with his back against his brothers back ” Don’t cry, Austin, I got it back for you. You don’t have to cry now…“ Turning he jumped on his knee’s around in front of Austin and grinned at the other, tapping his forehead against Austins' “Dunchhuu creeeh. Dun do it. Don’t you dare make those tears! Aaack, what a gross cry face…” Nathan said, trying to be silly before he started to tickle Austin “What did I say? Are those tears?! You better stop that!” Later that night Nathan was holding and ice pack to the side of his face where a few small cuts were now along with the red. His mother hadn’t liked hearing what had happened but was happy Nathan got Austin’s toy back. Nathan followed Austin into their room that night and messed up the other’s hair as they were laying in bed “Night night, neeerrrd.” Nathan pulled away then as Austin started talking again, always talking, Austin was. Nathan pulled himself up into his bed and yawned pulling a Joker blanket over his body and letting out a huff as he turned his back to Austin “Mhm….Tin…shhhh…” 5 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  CHILDHOOD  AUSTIN   As tired as he was, as weak as he felt, Nathan knew that, with the information, he had found. He could not wait. There was no more need to search for his family. They were here. As the nurse checked on the long surgical line down his stomach he kept his eyes closed, his breathing gentle. He didn’t seem to notice at all that Nathan had been awake. Nathan had already been asleep for five hours. Being there the last few days he had learned quickly that he needed to feign sleep the majority of the time in order for the staff to leave him alone. But it was getting late now, and he knew that hospital would have called his parents about ‘Austin’s’ hospital visit. Nathan knew his window was shutting. They would send him back to the psych ward, and he would be shut off again. He would stop existing, again.   His eyes opened up just slightly to see the nurse turning away from him. Moving his arm, it shook from how weak he was still feeling, and how much pain he was in. Grabbing onto a metal pan he forced himself up with a large amount of strength and smashed the metal pan against the back of the nurse’s head, growling lowly through the pain that erupted through is body. Sucking in a breath then he dropped the pan and then pushed himself out of the bed. Slumping to the floor he gasped for air. Moving over he looked the nurse over, feeling the back of their head. When he brought his hand back he didn’t see any blood “Okay. Good.” The nurse had never done anything that Nathan had thought needed an excessive head injury for. Adjusting the nurse so that they were more comfortable Nathan started to remove their scrubs and replace his own hospital clothes with them “Err.” Looking at himself in a mirror a minute later he grinned  I could have made a pretty adorable nurse. He though tugging on the ends of the shirt. Then catching sight of his scarred up arms he frowned and turned away, reaching his left hand up to rub against his right arm, soothing the emotions going through him. Walking over then he started looking through the drawers and grabbing things from them before stuffing them into his backpack, which was resting in the chair only feet away from him.  Nathan then moved to the window and looked out at the buildings before looking toward the sky Almost dark, I hope he doesn’t have work tonight and is asleep. Nathan thought then turned to move away from the window before throwing the backpack over his shoulder, having stuffed the hospital clothing in it minutes before and put on the nurse’s undershirt to hide his scars. This only left the nurse in a wife beater shirt and their boxers. Nathan then snuck out of the room into the empty darkened hallways once more. He hoped for the last time. Making his way back toward the filing room once again he entered without being spotted, picked the locks and pulled out Austin’s file. Looking over the recent papers he frowned and started to pull them out or remove information about his stay in the hospital.  Stealing items from the area that he felt was important as well, and stuffing them into his backpack.  He went to leave before stopping, something tugging at his thoughts. His file, he hadn’t even been thinking about that. What about his file? Nathan turned back toward the D filing cabinet and slowly moved over to pull it out. It wasn’t there. This confused him. Slamming the drawer shut then he gave an irritated grumble before turning to leave the room. After that he made his way to the security room, opening the door and seeing the guard totally passed out at the monitors “Heh.” This was far too easy, he realized. Too easy to be true. Walking over to them he waved a hand in front of their face, then poked their nose. To surprisingly no response. Nathan glanced away before quickly going into action and looking through tape after tape for the days he was in the hospital and deleting the footage. Nathan had easily been able to figure out what to do after spending his time in the hospital with someone who told him about the security camera’s in the ward. So it didn’t take Nathan much to put two and two together, he wasn’t stupid, after all. Just 'crazy’, as the staff would say, constantly. Silently he snuck out of the security room and moved back into the dark hallway, making sure the recordings for the night and his fingerprints had been removed. When the security guard woke up they would be able to see that the cameras weren’t recording and correct the mistake, but would probably not think much else into it than their own personal screw up.  Nathan stopped by a supply closet than on his way out and filled the rest of his backpack with several other items he figured he would be needing for things in the future. Mostly something sharp, in order to stab Isabella with for what she did to him. Exiting the hospital Nathan looked around, then sucked in the night air “Ah. That’s better.” He hated the smell of the hospital, and it only kept him on edge to be there. Turning he smiled a bit as he started to walk away from the hospital. The streets were empty the cars parked along them were fairly empty, he noticed. It seemed that the residents were all carelessly sleeping unaware of him. Nathan continued to walk down the sidewalk, wearing the black scrubs that were far too big for him and hung loosely onto his body.  Barefoot he walked till he was at the main destination he wanted to be. No, he felt that he needed to be.  Feeling light headed all of a sudden Nathan dropped his head into his left hand. The world felt strange like it was splitting. Or that his world wasn’t real, not how he thought it was. He felt like his mind was being challenged, right there standing in front of the apartment building. Taking a deep breath he threw his head back. Angry, he narrowed his eyes up at the building. Austin, it won’t be long now. I wanted to make this longer. But time will be running out… His jaw clenched,  Prescott cannot have you anymore.  You will prove what he says is true. I want to hear it from your own mouth… Walking into the entrance hallway Nathan looked around, looking absolutely lost and childish as he did. It felt so strange, being in some places like this. Like everything he was missing out on suddenly came flooding back into his mind, reminding him of the life he had stolen from him. As he walked he stared at flyers stuck onto walls announcing things and then he bumped into someone. Wobbling on his feet before the person reached out and grabbed his arm as it flung out in an attempt to stabilize himself. The girl grinned at him before saying that stupid name to him again. “Oh Hey Austin, what’s with the get-up? Was there a costume party at the bar?” She asked with a warm smile at him as she yanked him back onto stable footing. Nathan blinked, looking at her as if she were and alien before letting out a small laugh  “Ah. Y–…erm. Yeah! Was it surprising?  But thankfully I had this.” He made a face playing along with the positive attitude of the other. She grinned then and slapped a hand on his shoulder before telling him she had to be off to work but that she would see him later. Nathan turned to watch her go before glancing up, his mouth forming into a small curious ‘o’ as he wondered about Austin again.   Shaking his head then he moved toward one of the walls that had a list of rooms and their occupants on them. Running his finger over the plastic protector he scanned the lists before stopping as he came across a ‘Douglas’. Smiling then he pressed two fingers gently over the name, Are your real…Or was it all a lie? Was Prescott right? I don’t know…I don’t know…Austin…I just don’t know. Tearing up he dropped his head onto the board, crying against it silently, faintly.  Please please, please…Don’t be. Don’t be. Please, be, please. After another moment he pulled away from the board and used the shirt under the scrubs to dry away the tears before he turned and left the building, rushing down the sidewalk again, moving far away from the apartment. Later he crashed into a tree in the woods outside of town and dropped to the ground, throwing the backpack off his back and hugging his knee’s to his chest, rocking lightly from side to side, It’s not real…It is. It’s not. But is it? Is it!? He’s just fucking with me!  No no no…I can’t…It’s not, please, please… Don’t be real. Prescott, why… Why-why-why… Why would you go this far?  Sucking in a deep breath he felt pain rush through his chest, tears welling up in his eyes now before he started sobbing in a fit of panic. 5 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF   Wincing Nathan struggled to push himself up to sit on a table in the filing area of the hospital. It was night out, he had been there for a couple of days now. Back in the alley, he had realized that using Austin’s name had its perks. Seeing as his family had apparently only been living minutes away from him and still hadn’t bothered to visit him had only made him more irritated with them. Which helped him not feel bad about what he was doing at all.  Scanning through file after file he looked focused, which he was, it was the first time in several weeks he had gotten a proper amount of sleep and had some decent amount of food in his stomach. Keep reading 5 MONTHS AGO WITH 1 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  PRESENT  HOSPITAL   Sniffling a bit as he lay on the couch Nathan held a pillow to his chest “Poor Bambi.” He mumbled ignoring the noises of someone slamming a door as they entered the home. Nathan continued to tear up as he continued to watch the Disney movie. He really didn’t understand why, even after so many times, the mother’s death was always so heartbreaking. Not that he had honestly cared either. His siblings were off doing their own things, which left him by himself. During these times he often would stay in and watch Disney movies, or something like that. Usually keeping to himself. It wasn’t that he didn’t like talking or playing with the other children in the neighborhood. He just found he had nothing to say to them, and they really had nothing to say to him either. Not anything nice anyway. Covering the bottom half of his face with the pillow he sniffled as the movie progressed in the next few seconds. “What the hell are you doing?” An almost disgusted sounding voice sounded off behind him  “Why aren’t you outside? It’s too nice of a day for you to be in her- Are you crying? Again?!” Robert asked before looking away from him. Nathan looked up as his father spoke  “I don’t want to. I don’t feel good. I- I want…” “I don’t really care what you want, Nathan.  You aren’t learning anything from this crap.” Reaching down Robert went for the remote and snagged it out of Nathan’s hand, then he turned the tv off “It’s going to rot your brain, you know that, right? Is that what you want? Do you want to be stupid?” Tossing the remote to the side he snapped his fingers at Nathan “Get up.” The older male said, in an ordering tone. Nathan turned away  “I am finishing the movie, then I’ll go play outside.” He mumbled back. Not even giving his father a glance back as he moved to reach for the remote again. Robert narrowed his eyes on the other and as they were reaching over for the remote he reached down to grab the pillow “I said now.” Being stopped Nathan grabbed the pillow and started pulling back  “Let gooo!” He shouts, tugging violently, absolutely annoyed now. “Nathan, I am your father. When I tell you to do something, you do it!” He tugged the pillow closer to him then pulling Nathan violently toward him “No questions asked. I will not be disrespected, not by you, in my home.” Pulling harder Nathan glared up at the other  “I don’t care what you say! I am not your property!”  With that, the pillow was let go as Nathan jerked back once more and sent himself flying backward from the couch and slamming hard on his back on the floor. Gasping he stuck his stomach out and grabbed onto his back shouting out in pain. Making his way around the couch then the older male moved closer to his son, making a disapproving sound “See, now look what you did. You hurt yourself.” Lifting Nathan up a bit he moved him around better so he could see the damage done “It’s not that bad, stop being a big baby. Walk it off outside.” With that, he stood again pulling Nathan up to his feet as he went to stand. Sniffling, Nathan started hiccuping as he was rubbing his back as it continueds to sting. He narrowed his eyes on the other male before turning to do what they asked. Only to be stopped by them once again. “Nathan, if you want. I have time, we can play a game or something outside. Catch?” Robert offered, trying to be nice now. Nathan swallowed as the other offered, even though he hated sports. His father seemed to have some mission to make at least one of his sons, if not both, some sort of star athlete.  He nods then “Ah..y-yeah…c-catch. Okay, dad.” Forcing a smile on his face he turned to run away from the other. A week later Nathan was hanging out in Bethany’s room,  modeling a pink tutu he had gotten out of grace’s old dress up stuff “See, Bee, I think being a ballerina would be coool!”   Moving then he took a seat at the toy tea table with his sister and rest his head in his hands “Dad would be so mad, though. If I told him that, huh?” The other was nice to talk to, they didn’t really talk back. Or judge him.  Leaning back in his chair then he tilts it back on its back to legs and looked around as he placed a hand over his stomach, his black t-shirt having an image of Loki on it. A few minutes later they were both sat on the floor playing with some barbies. Nathan leading with a storyline and helping Bethany with its progression “Noo, Barbie… We can’t send Kelly to a boarding school. Why don’t you take her to the pregnancy baby doctor instead, she needs to learn about birth…and stuff.” Nathan said, in a manly voice, as he moved Ken toward the Barbie in Bethany’s hand. Just as something of a climax was about to happen as Bethany and he was playing Robert walked in and grabbed Nathan by the upper arm and yanked him up “What the hell is wrong with you? Boys don’t play with Barbies.”  He whispered grabbing Nathan’s other arm and shook him once. Then yanked Nathan away, ripping the Ken from his hand and tossing it back into the room as they both exited. Robert lifted Nathan up then, not wanting any resistance as he took his son away from Bethany’s room. Then he walked down the stairs only to run into his wife who asked what her husband was doing and where he was planning on taking Nathan “Me, Austin, and he is going to go do some guy stuff.” Robert smiled at her “Also, I found him in Bethany’s room playing with dolls again.  I think the boys might be feeling a bit overcrowded, so…” His wife nods and gives him a kiss, then runs a hand through Nathan’s hair and tells Robert about the tutu then. Getting placed back on the ground then Nathan was told to remove it  “But- But…It’s not, I seen that-Boys can so wear them!”  Nathan shouted in protest “I am not girlie! I’m tough! Austin’s the scardy cat!” He wrinkled his nose then only to watch his father roll his eyes at him and tugged the tutu out of Nathan’s hand before handing it to his wife. “Austin doesn’t go around dressing up in girly things or playing with Barbie’s. Or cries at stupid cartoons.  He also doesn’t talk to his stuffed animals. And you do. And you need to get a haircut, it’s getting to be too long.” With that, he picked Nathan back up in an annoyed tugging sort of way before saying goodbye to the girls and leaving the house. 5 MONTHS AGO WITH 1 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  CHILDHOOD  

Robert looked down at Nathan, squirming quietly in his crib, nibbling and gumming at his fingers like any typical baby. But the look on Roberts face said otherwise “ Karina, does he cry a lot? I can’t remember when he cried the last time.” Karina looked up from the other crib at her husband, giving a concerned look. “Cry? Not really, maybe some fussing.” She commented as she tried to calm down a crying Austin “ Awww, sshhh, it’s alright. Ssshhh. ” She cooed with a gently smile down at the boy before lifting him up from the crib and bringing him to her chest “ I think that’s a good thing, this one cries enough for the both of them.” She joked walking passed her husband and giving a small peck on his lips “  How could you want that face to cry, Robert?” She mewed down at Nathan how wiggled and reached out toward her with a cute little giggle. Following Karen down the steps Robert held onto Nathan, who quietly pressed against the older male “But Grace cried a lot.” He said, making Karina look over her shoulder up the stairs at him. “Grace isn’t Nathan. Nathan is. Don’t worry about it. Some babies just don’t cry their lungs out their entire infancy, I guess.” She continued to pat a fussy Austin on the back gently “ Let’s just get them fed and not worry about it.” Walking into the kitchen she started to make the bottles for the twins and some cereal for Grace.  She glanced up long enough for Austin to start crying again and see Robert to whisper and pace with Nathan. Nathan was sucking on his thumb as Robert whispered to him and walked from one side to the other. Robert reached up  then pulling the thumb out of Nathan’s mouth “ No no, we aren’t getting you started on that. Grace took a while to grow out of that.” Robert said looking over at his daughter who was eating away at her cereal “ Even though I keep catching her.” Hespoke before placing a baby carrier on the kitchen table and then placing Nathan in it, bored with him already. He then walked over to Grace and chatted playfully with her as Nathan kicked around rocking himself in the baby carrier. Taking a seat next to the carrier Karina lookd at her husband a little annoyed “ Thanks for the help, Dear.” She muttered in sacrasm before Austin, who had been quiet for a moment, started to cry again.  Looking at the baby Karina friend “ You are just in a mood today aren’t you.”  She whispered attending to him for a moment until he was just sniffling. Karina reached over to Nathan than and played with his kicking feet, earning a squeal. Holding a bottle out to Nathan she watched as he took it from her “ Oh. Learning quickly, as usualy. I guess you are growing up too fast.” She laughed watching him suck at the bottle and hold it all by himself. Unlike Austin who kept losing his grip every other minute and sucked too weakly, though hungry whenever he got his lips locked around it. Greedily eating away at all the formula inside the bottle. With a graceless burp Austin had finished off his bottle and Nathan had only managed to finish off half as much before disguarding the bottle entirely, no matter how many times Karina tried to make him eat again. After another moment of trying and him beginning to get fussy as well she gave up and handed the bottle over to Austin who happily took and drank it all up in seconds. A couple minutes later the two were placed in a playpen and Karina sent Robert off to work before returning to motherly business. The entire two hours she had left the boys alone in the playpen Austin had slowly gone from waving a chew toy around to hitting Nathan on the side of the head every few minutes and kicking a leg into Nathan’s. Who didn’t seem extremely upset over the entire interaction as he continued to garble and gum at a gummy toy in his mouth. Karina walked over and looked at the seen, a little amused before reaching over “ Austin stop, you are being mean.”  She leaned in gently moving one twin a little away from the other. Post

nathan-douglas Nathan coughed into his hand, little splatters of blood oozed out with some spit onto his palm. Swallowing hard, he dropped his head a little, shaking it. He felt so odd, it had started right after he stabbed Bethany. Even thinking about made his chest sting.  It wasn’t something so disruptive, until that moment. After then, he would have coughing fits and every so often blood would be mixed with his slobber.

Inhaling deeply he moved to wipe his hand against his chest. Bethany had not been coming around. She was avoiding him, he knew.  He fucked it up, she was scared of him and he guessed she was right to. He lost control and hurt her, like everyone had always knew he would. He became a monster.

His head spun, but he continued to walk determined to get where he needed to go. Shaking off the pain, it would go away after a few minutes. That’s what he had to remind himself. It seemed to be the only thing solid in his life, at the moment.

Shivering he stumbled, sweat dripping down  his face.   Bringing a hand up he wiped it down his face “Don’t think about her. Don’t think about them.” Nathan told himself. It was not helping, not helping with his head, and not helping with the pain in his chest. Coughing again he covered his mouth and paused, resting against the wall of a building. The more I think about them, the more it hurts. The more my head–… Tearing up, Nathan dropped to the ground, choking up, They hate me so much… They all fucking hate me. Everyone hates me. I- i don’t know what to do… There’s just too much. It’s all too much. Gripping his hands onto his head he rocked a little bit trying to sooth himself. When someone yelled at him to get away from their business.

Pulling the closet door in Austin’s apartment closed Nathan dropped down, planning on enjoying the solitude of the closet. Usually he could lay their for hours and Austin would just go about his daily life doing whatever. Nathan would just listen to Austin from inside the closet, listen to his normal life go on without any issue. The only time Austin would even remotely talk about Nathan unless Kristine was around. The only thing he ever overheard was Austin ask where he even was, or something about how how crazy he was.

The other wouldn’t know he was hanging it in the closet, because he had never let Austin see him leave the closet. Nathan had liked the advantages of it. So when Austin came in that night after work, not seeing Nathan again it didn’t take them long to call over Kristine to the apartment. Nathan had been through this routine at least once before and not that long ago.  When she came inside they spoke for a few minutes, before they moved to the bedroom “Ugh.” Nathan muttered moving to wrap his head up in a blanket “Not again.” #Self#Past Post

nathan-douglas Nathan covered his hands over his head, not wanting to hear anything, or be touched, he just wanted to be left entirely alone at the moment. Ignoring the task force member that was talking to Jake he rocked lightly, his hands pressing  against his head.

When they moved to touch him, placing a hand on his arm  Nathan lashed out, striking them across the face, his nails raking against their exposed skin. A second later blood bloomed on the agents face and anger etched over their features. Lifting the baton up they brought it down toward Nathan, who blocked with with his arm. Before he could make another move the agent reached over with his other arm to grab Nathan, only to get bit by Nathan, who dug his teeth deep into the agents hand, drawing more blood. Twisting Nathan stood and whipped a hand around striking the agent right in the temple, sending them stumbling back from him.

They recovered quickly after and smacked their baton right against Nathan’s knee’s making him cry out and drop backward off and behind the bench he was previously standing on. He crashed to the ground letting out a cry as pain shot through his spine from landing on his neck and shoulders on the grass. Nathan covered his head sobbing in pain. He twist over onto his back rolling from one side to the other as the agent recovered and started making their way back to Nathan “I see you aren’t the ‘going quietly type’.” The agent said staring down at Nathan, stepping on his chest. Nathan growled angrily, telling the agent to ‘fuck off’ and get off him.

The Agent smirked before flipping the switch on his baton, electricity sparked off the end “Why don’t you come quietly now, hm?”

Nathan, tired of this situation and wanting to go somewhere to sleep the pain in his shoulders off, looked around looking for an escape. He shift, moving quickly his teeth  biting into the guards shin just before they brought the electrified baton down on his back. They kicked him off then making Nathan spit up blood from their foot hitting him directly in the mouth.  The agent stalked after Nathan then as he tried moving away from them “ No you don’t!” They shouted carelessly swinging the baton at Nathan again, this time hitting him right across the side of his head, along the temple.

Shouting out in obvious pain Nathan pressed his head into the ground and curled up as the Agent ordered him to stop resisting and get up. Nathan refused, which earned him a few more smacks from the agents baton. They eventually reached over and yanked Nathan to his feet. Then tried to move him around so he could place cuffs on Nathan’s wrist. Though as they did Nathan took the opening he had and launched toward them, again digging his teeth into the agents skin, this time, into their neck. They shout at their partner to help get Nathan off as blood spurt out into both Nathan’s mouth and onto the agents neck. Nathan clamped down at the other agent moved closer.

Then a loud buzz came from behind him, a sharp pain burned into his neck and out into his head, everything suddenly went completely black then, Nathan’s eyes rolled into the back of his head, he dropped to the ground completely limp the agents ignored him for a moment as the uninjured one helped the injured one into the car before they came back to deal with Nathan. And by dealing with Nathan, it was more placing his unconscious body into the trunk of their car and leaving him their for several hours. Until it was time to take him into the prison and process him, long after Jake had been dealt with. Post

nathan-douglas Talking with one of the other children who had been in Damari on ands off for the last year since he had been also been placed in the institution. The only thing was, like all the other children, they weren’t there for a permanent stay or, to be exact ‘till they got well’. The eight and a half year old looked up and around  the emptied room, the other children had already been taken home. The kid he was talking to had been the only other one because they had to stay for two days, tomorrow they would be going home, and he would be alone in the ward again. The next day Nathan watched as the other kids parents came and took their son out of Damari. He frowned watching the family leave. It obviously didn’t feel good watching decent parents come get their children. The kid wasn’t completely cured, he’d be back in Damari by the end of the week. Yet, his parents never just left them in the hospital. At a young age, even Nathan realized how bullshit this was. How bullshit it was that he was stuck in the hospital when he hadn’t done anything wrong. It had made him so angry. Breccan Prescott definitely did not help with  this tendency to be angry and instigated him till he lost himself. Nathan had a moderately decent control over it, but with Breccan it seemed as flimsy as a sheet of paper. Walking with a nurse through the ward with all the adults  Natahn noticed some of them were staring at him and didn’t look at all happy to see him “ They are staring at me.” He commented looking to the nurse who only shrugged and told him they were probably staring because they hadn’t seen a child in a long time. She then stopped and sat him in a chair. The nurse told him to stay there as she had to go get something and she would be back soon. Kicking his feet under back and forth lightly underneath the chair Nathan sat patiently waiting on the nurse to return. A moment later he looked around and noticed that there was no other staff members he could see only patients. Before he could get a full sweep of the room though a hand slammed down next to his making him look up at one male before looking over to the one that had slapped the table, a giggle made him look at a blond woman who had been chewing on her hair. With a small sigh he guessed that curiosity had brought them over “Hi.” He muttered unenthusiastic ally, of course. Moving their hand up the male directly next to him smiled and greeted him back. Nathan got a strange feeling then, but he didn’t know why and for what reason “ I’m Nathan.” The girl pointed “ He’s the boy. The monster boy who killed his little sister.” She blurted earning the attention of the guy on the other side of her “ Oh yeah. I heard about this kid.  What he did was brutal, sick even. I heard all they found of  was the girls finger.” He said slyly looking at the other male who narrowed his eyes on Nathan. Nathan shrunk a bit looking between the two that had been talking then toward theo ther “ I- Didn’t.”  Confused he looked down, honestly not sure about that. Breccan had been telling him he had. But he could have sworn he remembered Robert pulling her out of the water and hitting her head on the focet. “Oh, so he likes to kill people smaller than him?” The male said lifting a hand up to cup Nathan’s jaw. Nathan jerked out of their hand and frowned a little before going to say something “ I don’t need to hear anymore. You know, they would never send a kid to a death sentance. They are all about Reabilitating you mistakes.” The girl gripped onto the others shoulder then and pointed “  He can’t be helped, that’s why his parents keep him here! He’s a-what you call it, Psychopath! ” Bringing her hand back she bit on her index nail and looked to the male at her side “ They should have aborted him, I heard he wanted to kill his other siblings to. He’s a naughty little boy. Hasn’t been properly punished, yet. I’d of beat his little head in, touch one of my kids.” She reached over pressing a hand against Nathan’s head pushing him back “ Little fucker.” “Stop it! ” Nathan shouted suddenly the calm look on his face breaking, making the three adults freeze at how angry he sounded with them. Lifting a hand up to his head he rubbed the spots he had been touched “ You don’t touch me!” He ordered glaring at the three of them. After another second the male closest to him laughed and then reached over to yank him out of the chair “ What are you going to do about it, short shit. You going to cry to your mom? I bet she doesn’t love you anymore.” The girl laughed as they said that “ A monster child? No mother would love any of their kids after killing their daughter. Daughters are the most precious to mothers.”   The man turned, dropping Nathan to the floor but stepped on his hand as he moved to scoot under the table earning a loud yelp “ Oh? So there’s a poor woman out there crying, yeah. Look what you did, boy? Hurt your poor mother.” They looked back to Nathan who was yanking on his hand. “Get off! GET the fuck off!”  Blood dripped from a tearing on hand “ Stop it! I didn’t hurt anyone! I didn’t!” The three knelt down  next to the table and smirked at him. It struck Nathan then that something was wrong, very wrong with this scene. Afraid he looked around seeing patients crowding the area.  It seemed like a wall of them. Nathan’s attention was brought back to the other three, or two, one of the males had gone missing. He looked around, but couldn’t spot him. As his left arm was grabbed and he was yanked back onto his back his head hit the floor making him wince. Opening his eyes a moment later his arms being held against the floor he was staring up at the other male, keeping his arms in place “ Wh- G-get off!   Get off!” Squirming he tried to kick his legs but only got so far before the woman had been holding them in place. The remaining male crawled under the table with him, reaching out they started to lift his shirt, exposing his stomach to the cool air of the room. Wiggling Nathan shout only to have hand cover his mouth. A younger patient shushed him then, before looking over at the male under the table with him. Nathan did to, seeing they had something sharp in their hand and were moving it closer to his stomach “ No! What are doing- Stop! Please!” But that didn’t stop him, it hit Nathan, for a moment, that nothing he ever did would stop them. He was in a place where a lot of the criminally insane of the town were placed. A place they could practically get away with doing whatever horrible thing they wanted, as long as it was in the hospital and maybe even more so, to patients no one gave a fuck about. As they cut into his chest Nathan let out a sob, his toughed exterior breaking completely tears flowed as blood gathered on his chest and spilled over onto the floor. It was almost ritualistic as the male carved into his otherwise mostly unscarred flesh. The pain soon became too much and everything went black. His wiggling stopped and he went completely limp after passing out. After that point he started seeing things in flashes. The four who were around him had disappeared, then nothing but darkness. Then he heard a voice and saw the familiar outfit of Breccan’s as they seemed to walk around the table. He heard his name then. Turning over onto his stomach blood dripped onto the floor from the new position. Crawling out from under the table he pulled himself up and swallowed “ Here.” He muttered half sounding lifeless. Breccan sighed and moved over to meet him at the other side of the table. “ There you are.” Prescott grabbed Nathan by the arm before seeming to notice the blood “ Oh, now how did that happen.” He looked disappointed, almost. Or like something hadn’t gone as planned. Nathan could pick up on that expression easily, after seeing it so many times in the last year or so. He waved a nurse over then “ Clean this up.” Breccan then looked directly at the three patients who attacked Nathan. They had been standing on the other side of the room. As a nurse came over to help with Nathan Prescott walked over to the three. Nathan saw him strike the guy who had cut him and then seem to take something before the nurse had ushered him from the room. Blood dripped along the floor as they moved into the hallway and toward the infurmary. Being placed on the bed the nurse there looked over him and frowned as she examined the cuts. Breccan walked in a few moments later “ What is the damage?”  The nurse looked up and shook her head “ Some of these cuts are really deep, he’s going to need more then just stitches.” Breccan looked at Nathan and nodded “ Alright.” He was thinking, knowing that the parents would need to be alerted about something happening to their son. Which he didn’t care for. Walking with Nathan down the stairs Breccan grumbled before saying “ They weren’t supposed to cut you that deep.” He laughed a little then and pat Nathan on the back “We can’t have you telling mommy and daddy about this, okay?  But ho to make it more believe able.” Nathan looked up confused before Breccan’s hand slammed into his back, shoving him off the step he was on. Breccan watched as Nathan toppled down the steps and gave a emotionless nod “ That’s more convincing Nathan.”  The doctor said then slowly make his way down to the unconcious child, who’s head had been cracked open as it hit the floor and wall. Five hours later Nathan was in a room, his head bandaged up, a cast covering his right wrist from a shattered bone. Karina was there shouting at Breccan over how he could allow something like this to happen to her son. Breccan took the shouting as a doctor came into the room with a clip board. “ He hit his head pretty hard and has a few broken bones, as you can see.  But with further examination we’ve found a mast-” Breccan cut the doctor off then and walked over grabbing them by the arm before whispering to them about letting Karina be with Nathan for a little bit. The two left then leaving Karina confused. But her worry for Nathan seemed to distract her from her curiousity.  Only to make her more curious, lifting up  Nathan’s shirt she stared dwon at the bandages over his chest, seeing blood soak through it. She could tell it was a word, but didn’t risk pulling the bandages away. Crouching over him she shook him lightly “ Nathan, wake up. Wake up!” She urged looking toward the door and shaking her son gently as she could but enough that she hoped to stir him awake “ Come on.”  After a moment more of of if he slowly started waking up, she smiled at him “ Did someone hurt you?” She asked. Nathan looked up at his mother weakly before closing his eyes “ It hurts.” His left hand shot up, cupping his head. His right hand moved to cup over his chest “ It always hurts. Mommy…Mommy… it hurts.” Karina watched as he started to fall back asleep and reached over to shake him gently. “Nathan, Nathan! No. Stay awake. Why does it hurt? Nathan!” She hissed a little seeing he was already passed out again. Breccan and the doctor came back in then and the doctor explained Nathan’s injuries and that he would be need to be in the hospital for a couple of days. Post

nathan-douglas Being yanked into a room by a task force officer at the prison he had been handed off to Nathan was pressed to a wall as he was searched for weapons. The small stain of blood around his mouth had dried since the run in with the other task force officer he had run into with Jake. Trembling as he was grabbed and prodded, another officer had to hold onto him to keep him standing after getting tazed in the neck Nathan had snapped out of his frantic state, only to become droopy and unsteady on his feet.

Once they finished they put him on a chair and chained his legs “Since you seem to think it’s okay to bite and attack people, we aren’t going to take any chances of you getting the opertunity again.” One officer explained before bringing a strange mouth guard/muzzle type contraption to his face. They lift up Nathan’s head and placed the thing on him. It looked to be made completely of metal, closed off with a small area to eat through. On the inside of the mask were slightly long sliver like needles only an inch or two from jabbing into his face “Try to bite anyone now. I dare you.” The officer mocked slapping the front of the muzzle lightly. A moment later a small line of blood dripped from under the mask and down Nathan’s neck.

Almost thirty minutes later he had been changed into one of the prisoner outfits.  During all of this Nathan hadn’t made any move to attack anyone, he didn’t even look angry as he was being jerked and pulled around or taunted. Finally came the last part “So, we know who you are.” A task member came up tossing one of the other force members a jacket and smirking “And we have to make sure your arms stay to yourself, Nathan. It seems you are prone to attacking others for seemingly no reason.” They didn’t actually care, for the most part the task forces’ current actions were mostly to torment Nathan, who not only had hurt one of their own, and had been proven to be dangerous. But also was undead on top of that.

His arms were held up as the jacket was moved over him, as the arms were slid over his hands he winced and made to jerk his hands away “Oh, oops, sorry, we made some adjustments specifically for you.” The officer continued to push the strait jacket onto Nathan’s arms despite his wincing, another officer held him into place making him unable to move away. Not that Nathan tried very hard to get away. He had never been in a strait jacket before it was new.

Glancing from one officer to the next he tried to speak but the spikes against his mouth jabbed into his lips, threatening to pierce through.  

Once the jacket had been on and handcuffs were loosely locked around his wrists, pinning his confined arms in place. He was then yanked up from his seat, wincing as he felt small cuts cut through his clothing and into his skin. Twitching as pain spread over him Nathan tried to curl up only to be dragged toward the door  “It’s going to take some getting used to, I imagine. But you may never actually figure out how to move without getting cut. Which doesn’t seem to matter since you are dead anyway.” The guard said casually as they pulled Nathan after them toward the cells.

A few minutes later he was pushed onto a bed and then left alone after the guard told him he would be allowed out after a little bit of time to adjust to his new environment. Shifting slightly Nathan closed his eyes, his mind still fuzzy even so long after being tazed. After a few minutes of slight mental and physical suffering Nathan drift off to sleep. #Self#Prison Post

nathan-douglas The Night Shift had been working for several hours, Nathan was, like all the other patients in the hospital, asleep. Or more, drugged. Like he had been every night since he was seven. He had been put on so much medication since he was seven that had sometimes he was left in a state of catatonia, life just passing by him and any memories he had during these states were often hazy or none existant. But tonight seemed like a completely different night, he could feel someone grabbig at his head and messing with his face, but he couldn’t quite pull himself out of the forced slumber he was in. As something tickled down his chest and then moved toward his right leg he felt a faint feeling of unease filtering into his mind, interupting his dreams. As the feeling continued Nathan’s dreams became darker, feeling more dangerous and threatening. Glancing around he wished he could wake up, knowing full well he was dreaming. Nathan had become very good at lucid dreaming, especially since most of his time spent in solitary had been just him sleeping. When he wasn’t pretending to talk to imaginary people to pass his time.  The uneasy feeling in his stomach was growing stronger. He looked down toward the grass he had been sitting on in his dream. His breathing picking up. Though before he could process the strange touching that his body was feeling he was interupted by the voice of his brother, which was more just a imagined copy of himself than actually being Austin, who he hadn’t seen in almost sixteen years. In his dream he lift his left hand up to his chest, blinking as his vision blurred, his heart began to skittishly jump then the feeling of dread that had been washing over him was beginning to be consumed by pleasure. Not that it was pleasing to him. It was unwanted, his body felt like it was being attacked even if he was feeling good.  Wincing as Austin said something to him he then looked over to see the rest of his family and a few other faceless people that seemed familar to him but he just couldn’t remember their faces “ Ah. Sorry. I’m- Fine? I think.” He stood then pulling up some blank books off the ground from where he stood. When the dream Austin reached over to grab them he pulled them away “ I’m okay. Really.  I think I might have gotten a little sucked into my studies.” He winced suddenly, the world becoming darker, his mind changing the situation of his dream entirely in that moment.  Gasping for air Nathan reached up to grab at his neck, a horrible feeling washing over him. He wanted to scream but he just couldn’t. Turning around then he tried to see where he had been taken in his dream. Usually he would dream about life outside of the hospital, or one where he never had to be institutionalized at all, which he had enjoyed the most of all. Because in those dreams he could at least pretend his family had loved him. It was probably not healthy for him to imagine something that was never going to happen, because waking up he had to realize they had forgotten him and were never going to love him. This always put him in the worst mood. Finally he was able to force himself awake, his eyes fluttering open. A hand grabbed onto his jaw. He couldn’t open his eyes wide enough for the person in the room with him to see he was awake. Still groggy from the medication that had gone through his system Nathan was left numb and unable to stop them as they dropped down forcing a kiss onto him.  The male guard’s mouth tasted like poison, if Nathan could discribe the taste that had poured into his mouth from their sloppy spitty lips on his own, and thier nasty tongue slipping into his mouth. His stomach turned as the moment played out, tears forming in the corners of his eyes as he tried to will his body to move and get this pervert off of him. “You are always a pleasure, Douglas. ” The guard whispered as they pushed Nathan’s apparently unconcious body back onto the bed the right way.  Their hand running along Nathan’s exposed feminine frame “ Just my type.”  They slurred before moving over and placing a kiss on Nathan’s shoulder, then ran their fingers over the red markings they had left all over Nathan’s defensiless form. With a smirk they pulled away and moved to go grab the clothing he had removed from Nathan off the floor and started to put them back on the other “ Now let’s just keep this between you and I, huh? As usual.” They said, their tone more teasing then serious. “ Not that you could ever tell anyone about this happening. No one would believe you.” They slurred drunkenly “ No one will no I love men, and you will never be taken seriously. Perfect for me.” They gloated reaching over to grab Nathan jaw and turn his head over to look at him. After a few more hours Nathan shot up in bed and started screaming bloody murder until a nurse came rushing into the room and over to him. Seeing the terror on his face she frowned “ Nathan, it’s alright. Shhhh. ” She tried to sooth as she inched closer to him “ It was just a bad dream. See, you are safe. Your okay here.” Watching the boy drop into himself having screamed so much that he was light headed. The nurse moved closer and hesitantly placed a hand on his back “ Shhh it’s alright. Just breath.” It seemed that this had happened often so she was used to dealing with mornings like this with the other. Another hour passed by then before she could coax Nathan out of his bed to take a shower and get dressed. She was leading him to breakfast then noticing how jumpy he was “ Do you want to talk about the dream you had?” She asked him only getting a dissmissive shake of the head from him “ Okay.” Sitting down at a table Nathan couldn’t stop his trembling. Post

nathan-douglas Looking to Austin he smirked a bit  “I’m fucking dead, right?! How am I supposed to cope with that!? After everything! How am I suppose to forget that I’ve been shit on my entire life, and I am the one that died. How do I go on living like none of that happened?! HOW was I stuck with a family who didn’t care about whether I lived or died, let alone didn’t even love me, forgot all about me, and left me to fucking rot and die. Which it’s hilarious, BECAUSE I actually fucking died Austin! Do you not really understand how insane that is?!  It makes no sense! So none of this can possibly be fucking real…Because it’s cruel, it’s unfair, and I did nothing to warrant dying, yet I was treated like a fucking monster for my entire life, Fuck it, I never got to have a life because I was treated like a fucking murderer, and I’ve never even killed anyone! How can this be real!? Why should I accept this as my reality!? So being here, or going there means nothing to me, because it’s not real, I don’t want it to be! So I am going to yell and be fucking mad! Because I am so disgusted, my family gets to be happy, and I get to be dead! For what?!” Post

nathan-douglas 8 years old, Halloween Dropping back against a wall Nathan let out a panic breath, the lights overhead flickered making him glance up “No no no. Please.”  Pushing himself up from the wall he started running down the hallway again making his way toward the double doors that lead out of his wing of the hospital. Where only a nurse had been. As he thought back to only a few minutes ago he slammed into the doors, it was locked. Smacking his hands against them he screamed for help, before letting out a hysterical cry.

Keep reading #Self#Childhood Post

nathan-douglas 3 days earlier A dog was barking outside the house early in the morning hours as the Douglas’ were all asleep. After about an hour of barking Robert had finally got up and was stompling around the house saying stuff about killing that dog. Which had been roaming the neighborhood since their owners had moved away the month before and just left it behind. Robert had obviously been on his last bit of patience with the creature. He had been calling for the pound to come and get the animal for the last two weeks and nothing seemingly was happening to capture the animal. This morning he had been slamming things around in the kitchen as he was preparing to make some coffee. Which prompted Karina to finally get up and marched down the stairs and to her husband “ Stop being so loud, the kids are still trying to sleep. Grace has school, Robert!” She whispered harshly. Her husband only shrugged in response before actively trying to be quieter after that. Karina then went back upstairs and tried to get some more sleep as well. But the dogs barking never really stopped, even over the next few hours. By the time seven in the morning came along Karina had made breakfast and had most of the kids at the table eating. Robert was picking through the mail that had been on the counter. One letter he was completely invested in seemingly consuming his attention so that when Karina said something to him all he could do was give a vague nod and a small “ Uhhuh.” Letting out a muttered Nathan threw a piece of scrambled egg on the floor, a cat jumped out from it’s hiding spot and ran over to gobble the egg up. Nathan smiled down at the animal before reaching down to pet it on it’s back. The cat let out a mew and pushed itself up on their legs to butt it’s head against Nathan’s “ Awww. Such a good boy.” Nathan giggled lightly before whispering “ Kitty-kitty.”   Robert smacked a hand on the table “ Nathan, sit straight at the table. Stop feeding the cat scraps. It has it’s own food.” Nathan sat up and stared at the other with an empty gaze “ I like giving him my food. We are connected.”  He mewed before turning to Austin and grinning before he leaned over and dropped onto the others shoulder, rubbing himself against his twins side “ Puurrr.” Reaching over her grabbed the piece of toast that was Austin’s plate and lift it up to hand feed to the other boy, who played along. Despite knowing that Nathan was just trying to irritated Robert, and would probably get in trouble as well “Good boy.” He pat the top of Austin’s head “ Eat your toast.” Robert made his way around the table and pulled Nathan back up into his chair “ Stop. Not today, Nathan. I’ve already got a headache. I don’t need you making it worse be being a freak.”  Placing his hand on top of Nathan’s head Robert made the other stare at their own plate of food “ Eat.”  He ordered before going back to reading the letter “ Are you sure these tests are right, Karina? I wouldn’t say Nathan needs to go to a special school. He still acts like a moron. I’m not convinced, his teachers must be confused. The answer is no.” With that Robert tossed the letter into the trash and walked away from Nathan.  In all honestly he just thought he was protecting Nathan, not wanting the other to be made fun of or something. “Get in the car, Nathan! That is the last damn time I am telling you. For fuck’s sake. It’s just an airplane, you’ve seen them before. Let’s go.” Turning Nathan looked from the car to the sky “ I just… I am trying to figure out the clouds.” “ The clouds? What’s there to figure out? You don’t need to know everything.” “But I want to try.” Nathan muttered before being made to walk faster by Robert. He was practically almost pushed into the car by the other. Sitting next to Austin he grinned “ It’s cloudy.” He pointed out before reaching over and grabbing an umbrella from the back pocket of one of the front seat. Nathan shoved the umbrella into Austin’s backpack “ Just in case.”  He winked at the other boy before facing forward again. After school Nathan and Austin were walking home together with Grace a few feet in front of them. Frowning he looked up at the sky “ I was wrong. Good.” He smiled at Austin “ At least we had it. That’s the point. Understand? To have something is better than to not have it and need it. I read that in a book at school.” With a small giggle he ran a little ahead of Austin and jumped in a puddle of water that had remained from a few nights before when it had rained. A second or so later a dog came barreling out from behind the bush the puddle was beside, tackling Nathan to the ground and licking the back of his neck and ears “ Aaah, gross, stopit!” Nathan giggled. Pushing himself out from under the dog he stood up glaring at it for a moment as it looked at him, tongue hanging out, looking expectant. Austin ran over then and waved a finger at the dog before pointing out to Nathan that he had a little scrach on his jaw. Nathan reached up to pat at the little bit of blood before grinning “ He’s hungry. ” Pulling his backpack off he started to dig through it before finding the sandwhich his mother had packed fro him that morning. Pulling the meat out he held it up to the dog and then tossed it toward their mouth. “ There, he should be fine for now.” 2 days earlier “Look, thank you for your concern, Miss Peterson. But Nathan is fine where he is. He’s not going to be a scientist or anything like that. I don’t think it’s a very good idea to move him.  But I would like for him to stay in the same grade as Austin.” Robert said into the phone as he watched Austin and Nathan enter the house “ You two are fifteen minutes late.”  Robert pointed out with a stern tone. Nathan shrugged “ We talked to friends. Is that a crime?” He looked at the other before turning and walking away “ Come on Austin.  Let’s finish building the lego model we’ve been working on.” A few hours later Robert walked into Austin and Nathan’s room, placing a beer bottle on top of the stand between their beds and crouching down behind Nathan as the two boys sat in the middle of the floor handing leg’s back and forth. Robert reachd over and grabbed a brick from Nathan’s hand “ You think you are really smart, don’t you Nathan? Got a snippy answer for everything. Why can’t you just be more like Austin?”  Robert wrapped an arm around Nathan’s shoulder, reaching his free hand up to grab onto the brick he held it in front of Nathan’s face “ At least he knows when to keep his mouth shut, and do as he’s told.”  With that comment Robert snapped the brick in half, making Nathan flinch. “Hey! That was Austin’s, he needed that for the build!” Nathan shouted turning to look at Robert who just laughed “ Give me that.” Reaching out he grabbed the two pieces of brick out of Roberts hand. Staring at the pieces he was working on how to get around the damage that had been done in order for them to finish Austin’s model. Austin has let out a small little sniffle but otherwise said nothing and did nothing else. Obviously too frightened of Robert especially at the moment to risk it. Robert shook his head “ Genius, that’s what your teachers call you. But you can’t even handle a stupid toy brick getting broken. What, are you going to be one of those idiots who spend all their time doing stupid things and getting praise for it?” Robert snipped, poking Nathan’s temple “I don’t see it. ” Reaching up he took the bottle from the top of the dresser and started to drink from it. Outside the barking echoed down the street, Robert looked up and grumbled “ There it goes again. Fucking animal.” Tilting his hand he started to pour the remaining contents in the bottle onto Nathan’s head “ You aren’t better than your siblings. The sooner you realize that Nathan, the happier you’ll be. Don’t let these teachers tell you any different. They only want to use you. And once they have, you’ll be tossed out just like everyone else in this world, washed out and used.” Moving his empy hand over he rubbed it over the top of Nathan’s head before placing a kiss on the back of it. Standing then he walked out “ Grace is in charge till your mother gets back. I have to go deal with something important for work.” Nathan looked after the other, his hair dripping. Watching Robert finally leave he let out a breath and closed his eyes “ This really smells bad, Austin. Don’t you think?” He licked his lips, licking up some of the beverage that had gotten onto his mouth. Then twisting he moved to push himself up and walked out of the room “ Keep working on it I– Uh…Have to– wash this off.” Turning on the shower Nathan stepped into the the bathtub, fully clothed. He  stood under the cold spay of water and then dropped down letting out a muted sob his hands moving to cover his eyes. Throwing his head back and forth he kicked at one side of the tub in frustration all the bottled up emotions trying to all come out at once just made it all worse. The curtain was then pulled away and Grace was looking down at at Nathat with a frown before she asked what he had been doing, her hand moving out to test the water before snapping back. She commented that it was really cold and that he needed to get out before he froze to death. Breathing heavily Nathan could only watch her for a moment before nodding. Now fully soaked all the alchohal had been washed from his clothing and hair. Moving he climbed out of the tub and made his way out of the bathroom after Grace. Sitting in front of Austin again Nathan smiled “ All better.” He reached over and grabbed The broken piece of lego and moved to snap it into it’s place “ Just ignore that crack. It’s not that bad, honestly.” He told the other who seemed a little shaken up by what had just happened. Nathan looked up “ Austin, come on. Let’s go, put that piece there.” He pointed out ot the other boy. After a second when the other asked if he thought they were stupid Nathan looked up “ What? No. Of course I don’t. You are fine, Austin. Daddy didn’t mean to make it sound like that.” Nathan frowned still not sure what Robert was trying to get at. Sometimes the other seemed like they were doing things in order to protect his childen. But other times it just seemed oddly mean. “He probly jus’ don’t want me to go with the big kids and get beat up. And you would be all alone. That never happens.” Nathan picked up the piece and placed the bricks that needed to go on it onto it “ Drinking that funny stuff doesn’t help him express it so well.” Handing the piece back over to Austin he watched the other boy nod and smile at him before they finally went back to helping build the lego model. Post

nathan-douglas Sitting on the sidewalk in the front of his house Nathan lift up a lego model, examining it. He seemed a little frustrated, but otherwise his face seemed blank. Setting the model down he moved to pick up a lego brick beside him. Hearing his name he looked up and over toward Grace who was excitedly shouting at him to stop being so distant and to come play tag with her and their other two siblings. Nathan usually didn’t care for playing such noisy games. It was contridictory to his apparent extroverted personality like tendencies. Because he could also be super excited and really loud at times. But playing games where people had to touch him constantly just seemed stimulating and stressful. He didn’t like it. Picking up the model he shook his head as he gathered up the blocks “ I don’t want to.” He said before moving back toward the house and going back inside. Once back up in his room he sat down and tried to finish what he was working on. The serenity of this had lasted about two hours before Robert walked into the room “ There you are. Of course, in here being lazy, like always.”  The older Douglas muttered before walking over “ Alright. ” He pulled the toy model out of Nathan’s hand as they walked over to Nathan, making his shout slightly in protest before grabbing at the toy. “Daddy! N- no be careful! I’ve been making it all day! Please, be careful.” Standing Nathan reached out for the toy only for Roberts hand to gently push at his chest to keep him away. As they set it down a piece of the model dropped off “ No!  You are going to ruin it. I’ve spent two days on it– pleeease be careful.” The little boy whined reaching out for the toy in an attemp to fix it. Robert grabbed Nathan’s arm and gently made him face in the other direction “ Nathan, it’s just a toy. I’m not going to break it. Calm down.  Stop shouting.” Once Nathan had seemingly caught himself and bit down on his lips Robert smiled “ There, don’t need to get so worked up. It’s still going to be here when you get back. Okay? You need to rest your brain sometimes, Nathan. Turn it off. ” Robert reached over, poking Nathan’s forehead gently “Get out of your head for a little while sometimes, you’ll have less headaches.” Making a face at the other Nathan shook his head weakly “ I’m not in my head. I am here.” He mumbled before sighing. Robert made a face at him before moving to lift him up “ Come on, Austin’s outside with a few of the neighbor kids. And by with I mean I think he was hiding behind a tree, pretending he was hanging out with the neighbor kids.” Robert commented tiredly before shaking his head and looking slightly amused. A moment later Nathan ran up to Austin and poked his shoulder. Smiling at his brother he knocked his head to one side before reaching over and leaning agaisnt the tree “ Look at that, you got yourself a leafy girlfriend. She’s all bark though.”  He looked toward the tree before peeling a piece of the bark off the side of the tree and looking at it “ Good breed.” Nathan chirped earning a small giggle from his shy brother, Nathan grinned and tossed the piece of bark over his shoulder. Reaching over he grabbed his hand “ Let’s invite these kids to the wedding. It’s going to be bootifull.” Pulling Austin along Nathan shouted toward the kids that were currently kicking a soccer ball near the street “ Hey! Look at me. ”  Then he pulled Austin in front of him and grinned “ I can mutiply by one!” Nathan joked earning a laugh from two of the five other boys who then walked over to greet them and asked if they wanted to play “ Sure, Jake. Soccer is easy, right?” Nathan looked over at Austin “ We are a team though. A package deallie!”  Pointing up he wiggled his finger on his left hand and stuck his nose in the air a bit “ Since we are the smallest and weakest.” After some discussion the boys were finally set to play on teams for a little while. Nathan pulled away from Austin, letting the others hand go to go stand just a few inches from the other. Dropping at the waist he placed his hands on his knee’s and smirked as he watched the ball move across the ‘field’. Warm brown eyes moved quickly picking up on things as the ball came toward him he ran for it as another kid had been.  They kicked the ball between his legs before hooking their foot around his calt and yanked his leg out from under him, making him fall back onto the ground “ Hey!” The kid grinned and shrugged before they pulled away. Standing up he brushed himself off and let out a frustrated groan before grinning, the rush the game was getting him was addicting. Chasing afer the ball a moment later he ended up being shoved to the ground as one kid went to kick the ball out of his path, ending in it being in a goal. Back in position he brushed the dirt from off his shoulder and looked at Austin who had gotten just as dirty from being shoved around or trying to kick the ball. Smiling at the other he was happy they seemed to be less shy at that moment. Looking away as the game started again he charged after the ball losing himself in the game again. About fifteen minutes later he was pushing himself up from a muddy spot that he slipped into. Looking at his left elbow he noticed it had gotten a little scratched up at some point. Preoccupied with the small injury Nathan was wiping away mud and grass when he heard a sharp cry of pain on the other side of the small 'field’ they had been playing on. Turning toward the noise he noticed Austin on the ground holding his head and turned to walk over, soon busting out into a run and breaking through the kids that had circled the other. Dropping down next to Austin he noticed that one side of their head had turned a bright red. All the excitement leaving him he reached over to grab Austin’s jaw before reaching down and grabbing his brothers hand. Helping Austin stand he look at the other boys who were asking questions about if  Austin was okay, and if they should do something. But Nathan had shut them out as he helped his twin to their yard. An hour later he was sitting on the couch with Austin who had been holding an icepack to his face. As he stared at the little hints of bruising red around Austin’s head he frowned. Down his spine he felt this odd sensation, like he could feel the others pain. His tailbone would fele ticklish whenever he had to look at the pain his brother was in. Not understanding it he felt like he might have been the only one. As everyone else seemed a little upset by the injury. Except for Robert who was telling everyone to calm down, boys get hurt all the time. Robert seemed to make more of a joke out of it, rather than actually feeling bad for Austin, like their sister and mother. Nathan felt in no way amused, or saddened that the other got hurt. He was angry that it happened on his watch. But everything else he was feeling had only confused him. “At least you aren’t going to be brain damaged.” Nathan finally said to the other, earning thier attention. Austin didn’t seem to enjoy the comment, so he kicked Nathan in the leg “ Sorry. I don’t know what else to say.” Nathan mumbled, then gave an uneasy smile at his twin, his brows furrowing slightly. After another moment he looked frustrated again. Turning his head away he dropped it slightly, looking into his lap. Gripping his hands together he let out a breath “ I shouldn’t have let that happen to you. Its my fault, if you are brain damaged. I’m supposed to protect you.” He just didn’t quite understand that he could protect Austin, or anyone else for that matter, from fate. And so he felt like anything bad that ever happened, had probably been from something he either didn’t, or did, do. He felt maybe it was even his fault that Austin had been such a scardy cat. If he weren’t so brave, and would stop sheltering Austin they would have probably come out of their shell before then. Closing his eyes he felt like it was weird, to be a kid and have so many adult thoughts. Life was strange and he felt like he could see it for how pointless it actually was.  Everything seemed more and more pointless as he observed. As Karina entered the room she said something to Austin before looking at his forehead. A moment later she noticed Nathan on the couch and reached over to grab his shoulder “ Are you okay?” She asked before reaching up to check his forehead, as if this were a normal occurance. It was. For years Nathan had stressed to the point that he would often give himself fevers. “I’m fine mama. Just thinkin, Austin has a big forehead now. We aren’t twins anymore.” He grinned up at her, earning a smile back from his mother. Though Austin cried out and grabbed onto Nathan. As the other boy cried into his arm Nathan froze, that strange tingle hitting him again. Listening to Austin plead with him to be his twin even if he had a massive forehead Nathan felt a sudden rush of tears fill into his eyes before laughing at Austin’s crying and pleading “ What a crybaby. I was only joking Austin.” Tackling the other he started to tickle them until they burst out in a fit of giggles. Poisoned Apple Glancing around the living room Nathan was feeling uncomfortable with how long the person who had practically made Austin and him come into the house. Nathan frowned a little as Austin continued to ask about the candy that the man had apparently forgotten to bring with him to the front door “ Ah. Tin. I think he-” As the man finally reappeared he held up two candies and held one out to Austin. Nathan reached over and grabbed it  “I like blue.“ He said unwrapping the candy and popping it into his mouth.

The man gave a small frown "Oh? Then your brother can have this one. Go ahead, try it. I’ve been working on this recipe a while and would like a childs opinion on how they taste. ” They smiled and held the other piece out toward Austin. Which Nathan snapped that piece up and ate it too. “Sorry Tin, I’m just so hungry.” He grinned before looking from Austin to the older male “ Well, our mom’s going to be worried. We gotta go. It was tastie.”  Standing he grinned sweetly at the guy before pushing Austin back toward the door, who was complaining about not getting any of the candy.  But the vibe Nathan had been getting off the stranger was just too much for his over sensitivity. Pushing Austin toward the door he grinned “ Oh boo hoo, Austin. Stop being such a baby!  All you have done all night is cry.” The man walked after them “ Oh, I can get him one if you want. He can come down to the celler with me, pick out one of his own. ” They offered smiling at Austin before waving their hand for the other to follow “ You can go tell your mom he’ll be out in just a minute, and not to worry.” Opening the door Nathan watched as Austin took a small step before suddenly losing whatever nerve he had, possibly the idea of being with a stranger in a weird room had finally dawned on him. Nathan watched the other scatter out of the front door and sighed “ Okay, well, that’s that. He’s a scardy cat–” Suddenly being grabbed by the older male they got their face in his face, pushing him against the wall. “ Don’t you dare say a worried, or I’ll cut your fuckin’ tongue out and then maybe cut up your entire family.” They spat before pulling him from the wall and then shoving him into it again. Nathan froze not expecting this sort of thing from someone, sure the guy had been creepy. There were plenty of people in town that seemed to think so. But he hadn’t thought about this much, he was only just a child after all. Being let go Nathan nodded at them before turning and rushing out of the house. Walking over to the sidewalk to meet up with Austin he was still trembling as he walked up to his twin. When they commented on it he shook his head before putting on a smile “ Oh, nothing. I was just uuuhh. Recommending that he add more sugar to his next batch.” Nathan smiled before walking passed his brother and walking toward where their mother had been standing talking to Robert who had come to pick them up and take them to a new spot to continue trick or treating. Once in the car Nathan started eating candy to try and calm his nerves, earning a few warning from his mother before she ultimately ended up taking his stash saying “ You are going to make yourself sick, what has gotten into you, Nathan?”  Nathan wasn’t usually the type to eat candy like that, or at all. The only time he stuffed his face was when he was stressing out over something. Finally on another street Nathan stood with Austin and now Grace who had joined them after being picked up from a friends halloween party.  Bethany had also been there now too, instead of hanging out with Robert their mother had decided to take the little girl with them. Sluggishly Nathan followed after the group, walking a foot or so behind Austin who was complaing about him walking slow “ Sorry, Tin.” He managed before looking around, the sky over him seemed like it was spinning too fast over him. Hugging the plastic pumpkin to his chest he followed as Grace picked out a house and lead Austin and him toward it. As they made it up to the top step Grace made a comment as she turned catching how Nathan had looked “ You look sticky, Thanny.” Before she decended the steps away from the house. Holding up the bucket to the person who had been handing out candy Nathan thanked them, still trying to look like he was having fun. Then he turned and followed his siblings back to their mother. It wasn’t until a few houses down that his head started to hurt and his chest began to sting with each breath. Wobbling Nathan  had to pause to catch himself before dropping down into a crouch, he placed the bucket of candy under him and vommited into it earning his mothers full attention, finally.  Moving over she knelt beside him reaching over to place a hand on his sweaty forehead “ Nathan, you are so hot, jesus. Why didn’t you say anything.” She moved Bethany out of the way then as the little girl moved to try and comfort her brother “ Bethany go stand over there with Austin and Grace. —Nathan–” She was cut off as he started getting sick again, making her wince. “ Robert, he’s burning up. I– He was fine just a little while ago.” Keren looked over at her husband as they were driving to the hospital. The other three kids had been dropped off at a neighbors to be looked after as they realized how bad Nathan had been getting in just a short time. Running a hand over Nathan’s head she looked like she was on the verge of tears “ You think–Could one of those candies he ate have been poisoned? Robert, are you listening to me?”  She asked. The other looked over glancing at Nathan then to Karen before looking at Nathan again, who had gone really pale “ I don’t know. Let’s just get him to the hospital before we start making any definite conclusions like that. If there’s someone poisoning kids in this town, wouldn’t they have been found out sooner than this?” Robert asked. A few minutes later Nathan was being rushed into the ER, leaving Karen and Robert stuck in the waiting room on any news on Nathan’s condition. It wasn’t till an hour later they got any news that told them Nathan was alive. His stomach had been pumped in an attempt to remove any poisoned content that had been there and tests had been run, but they were informed it would still be a while before anything would be back on whether he had eaten anything poisonous. Robert told Karen to go home then and that he would stay with Nathan overnight. Despite how odd the older Douglas had seen his son, he didn’t like the idea of his child, his baby dying because of some psychopath, or for any other reason. Hesitating Karen put it off for as long as she could but knew someone had to go tend to their other children, so after another hour she was allowed to see Nathan before taking her leave. Robert walked over to the left side of the bed Nathan had been resting in. Staring down at the small unconcious body in front of him he lift his hand up, his eyes tearing up as he listen to Nathan’s weakened breaths. “ This is my fault. Nathan. I wished…” Reaching over he pulled over the visitor chair and sat down reaching over to take Nathan’s much smaller hand in his “ I made this happen to you, I know it. I wished that something would.”  Leaning over toward Nathan, Robert watched his sons chest as it lift “ Don’t die. You’re strong. I know you are.  I know i’ve been really harsh to you lately. I just don’t know what else to do.” Robert gently rubbed his other hand against Nathan’s arm, attempting to be comforting and warm toward his son. Which he rarely had ever been before. “ I know I have failed. Just, don’t die. Please.” “ You just stay inside and get some rest. Okay?” Karen said with a grin as she leaned down to kiss Nathan’s feverish head “ Don’t need to get worked up, okay. You are still sick.” She looked away, they hadn’t found out who had been poisoning candy. But she had made sure that every scrap of candy her kids were even allowed to have that year had been gone through. Though honestly she had thrown most of it out in fear that it had all been contaminated. A little paranoid after Nathan had been so severely poisoned. And since he hadn’t told anyone about the guy, and Austin seemed to be as clueless as ever, they had managed to get away with it. Letting out a small weakened breath Nathan nodded at his mother “ Okay, mama…Okay…” Barely able to keep his eyes open he slowly started to drift off to sleep. Karen watched him for a moment before reached over to slide her hand over his head. She had never seen a evil bone in her sons body. Despite Roberts own paranoid accusations toward the other. She seemed to have a feeling that Nathan would never hurt anyone intentionally the way Robert assumed after finding the animal bodies. She just couldn’t help but think that there was more to the story that Robert just was refusing to hear. Nathan wasn’t telling them either, at only six years old it was probably hard for him to explain his own actions. Karen stood and turned to walk out of the room “ Goodnight, Nathan. Get better. We’ll be outside if you need us. Bethany is taking her nap in her room.” It was said more as a warning, since Bethany often would stick to Nathan like glue at times if she could. #Self#Family#Childhood Post

nathan-douglas “I’m going to ask you again, who are you?”

Nathan watched the officer as they asked him that. There were fresh bruises on the old wounds that still remained on his face, markings on his neck and his exposed arms from how roughly he had been treated to even get to this point. Swallowing he glanced away before looking back  “I’m Austin Douglas. I don’t know who this Prescott guy is, or why he’s looking for. What? My brother? Nathan? He’s not,… I’ve not seen him since I was seven. I only learned about him recently.”  Nathan said, convincingly using what he had learned about Austin and the entire situation from he other males point of view against the officer.

“Hm. Austin, huh? And you are sure you haven’t seen your brother at all since stories of the dead have been surfacing?” The officer asked, not seeming to want to lose the suspicion he had about the Nathan, or more, Austin.

“Ah, My brother tried to kill my sister when she was three. I am sure I would sell him up a river. When I was told about him only a couple of weeks ago… Who could defend someone like that?” Nathan made a face, looking a little confused.  “He may be related to me, but he’s not my brother. He was a monster, from the start. If he’s out there, who knows what kinds of monstrous horrible things he’s probably doing. He’s not well.”  Nathan pulled back, sitting in the chair more comfortably  “I wouldn’t keep him safe, I have to protect my sister. And my family.”

The officer looked at him, eyeing him before nodding “Okay. Well, Austin…We appreciate your willingness to allow us to take your brother in when we find him. Because we were informed by others, those who work in the hospital he spent his life in. That should he come back he would be a threat to our community.”  They looked over, spotting the scar on Nathan’s write inner wrist “And we also would like to keep him safe, here, in this building. Out there he could be in just as much danger as much as he is a danger to others, and even himself.”

Nathan tried his best to remain calm  “Keep him safe? Okay. I guess that is good.” He said, gently, as if that would ever effect the conversation. Niceness. They were talking about continued locking him up because of the lies his own father had spread about him. Scratching the nail of his index finger on his right hand against the arm rest of the chair he was sitting in he glanced around “As long as he doesn’t come after my loved ones. I don’t really care what happens to him, my father has told me all about him. He’s a psychopath. He can’t be helped.” Nathan moved to turn and get up “Anyway, I have work, so if this can be finished now. I would like to leave and forget about all this, and about Nathan again.”

Standing the officer nodded “Yes, of course, sorry Mr. Douglas about all of this inconvenience.”  Moving toward the door they smiled “And again, we are sorry for being so rough with you in the first place. Our task force isn’t as graceful as they could be, they aren’t exactly trained to deal with such creatures as dead people. And when they matched your face to your brothers– you know.” He moved to open the door and lead Nathan out of the room into.

As Nathan and the officer walked toward the entrance a man walked into it their eyes landing on Nathan’s. They were cold, calculating, the familiar blue that Nathan had gotten used to since he was seven years old. Prescott smiled as he spot Nathan and moved toward the officer.

“Oh? Is this?”

“This is Austin, Doctor. Not the other one.  He is going to cooperate with us, if his brother makes contact with him. It seems he knows more about the situation than you originally thought.” The officer smiled before looking at Nathan.

Nathan blinked looking nervously between the two for a half second before looking away “Ah yeah.  I’m definitely in the know on everything Nathan related. He’s terrible. Anyone, work.” He moved to walk around the pair before a hand reached out and grabbed him by his wrist. Prescott was staring down at him as Nathan stopped, stiffening before looking at the other “Yes?”

“Be careful out there, Nathan is dangerous. But you do not understand how much anger he has toward you particularly, Austin.” Smirking, Prescott looked down at the scar on Nathan’s wrist before letting Nathan’s arm go  “I’ll see you around.” Turning then he moved away, walking farther into the building. Standing for a moment lost in a state of panic Nathan’s breath hitched before the cop said something to him “Mm?  Oh, right. Bye.” He quickly left the building and made his way down the sidewalk.

A while later Nathan stumbled, clutching his chest as it had become so tight and panic filled his mind. Seeing Prescott and having to control himself was hard. Especially in front of Prescott. He glared as he bumped into someone the world around him shrinking  “So- Get-…fuck…” Running away Nathan ran into the woods tears welling up in his eyes as the emotions rushing through him started to completely consume him.

Dropping to the ground he curled up against a tree, his hands moving to hold onto his head and help pull him into a ball, sobbing uncontrollably. #Self Post

nathan-douglas Falling onto his back Nathan let out a gasp as a member of the recent task force stood over him. Shifting, he twist to push himself up, dark eyes move up to meet the others.  Just behind him there was a woman screaming for him to help as another member of the task force hired to capture those who were accused of being dead was wrestling with her, trying to get her into the car. Before he could do or say anything else male standing in front of him smacked him across the side of the head with a baton, causing a split just over his left eyebrow to form and a stream of blood start making it’s way over his eye and down the side of his face.

The task force member then crouched down in front of him and grabbed his jaw,  telling him to mind his own business. Before they tilt their head and asked why they looked so familiar. Nathan had never met the guy in his life, so he didn’t know why they felt that way. Then they asked about Prescott. Nathan’s entire body stiffened at the name “I-don’t…” They suddenly grabbed the side of his head, squeezing it and hissed about lying to them, before their partner shouted at them to get in the car so they could take the woman shouting in the back to the prison.

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nathan-douglas Do not dress up like a monster and talk to Nathan, he will light you on fire or something. Because you will probably trigger the fuck out of him. He hates this season because it was where a lot of his worse abuse happened.  Thanks to Breccan and the wicked people obedient to him. #Nathan Post

nathan-douglas “ -And that can cause signs of mental disorders, I know.” Breccan said before looking over toward Nathan who was pretending to be asleep on the hospital bed. There was a nasty bruise on the top of his head from a fall or being hit with something. He had seem to hit his head so hard that there was a large wound on the side of his head that had recently been stitched up. The other doctor nodded at Breccan who mused for a moment as they asked about the incident that lead them to here “You know boys, always doing dangerous things. Anyway, don’t tell his parents. We’ll keep that in our files.”  He said to the other doctor who made a face and said something about whatever they had been talking about being serious and life threatening if it were allowed to stay, if whatever it was grew  “It’s a chance I am willing to take.” Breccan said before smiling and holding out his hand “Now give me the documents and be on your way, we’ll find other ways to, deal with it.”

While on the drive back to Damari Nathan had been staring out of the window, his tiny body shifting in the seat as Prescott drove over the bumps leading up to the hospital. The little boy looked over to the other then “Tumors are bad, right?” He’d asked, hesitating almost as Breccan had glanced over to him.

Smiling at the child Prescott shook his head “Only sometimes. Why do you ask?” The Doctor had responded, though looked a little bugged that Nathan had brought that up.

“Well, he said- Didn’t he say that I-”

“Oh! No, Nathan, that wasn’t about you. That was about a different patient. You are fine, at least, psychically.”  Parking in the parking lot the male got out of the car and walked around to Nathan’s door as he was unbuckling himself. A moment later Prescott and Nathan were walking inside. Prescott grabbed onto Nathan’s shoulder and jerked the boy toward him “Don’t mention anything about any tumors, we wouldn’t want your parents to cut open your brain for nothing, right? If they do that, you might end worse than you are now.”  Breccan leaned in closer, smirking “And then you might never go home.” Letting Nathan go then he watched as one of the nurses came over to relieve Breccan of the nine year old’s presents, so that he could deal with another patient.

As he was being pushed away by a nurse Nathan glanced over his shoulder back toward Breccan, not sure what to believe. He was thinking the other was trying to mess with him, and it was working. Swallowing, he felt like his heart was trying to claw it’s way up his throat from the feeling the other was giving him.

_____________

Years later Nathan was on his knee’s his hands gripping onto his head, his ears were ringing, everything in his body was telling him to lash out at the thing that had caused this state.  Dropping onto the ground he curled up, letting out a scream in complete agony as pain exploded in his head. Crying he started to rock against the floor, begging for whatever was causing this to stop. Though it wasn’t one person, the chaos of the room around him had not been making things any better for him “Please please pleeeaaase!” He shouted, though it was lost among the other shouts coming from other patients around him.  An orderly finally got to him and dragged him into the hallway before going to deal with the patients who had been involved with the chaos that was started.

Gasping Nathan turned violently onto his stomach, pushed himself up a bit before starting to crawling away from the scene, wanting to get somewhere quiet, to try and stop the throbbing in his skull. Cupping one of his eyes in his left hand he shivered, dropping his head to the ground as the pain grew intensely. After a moment he heard a pop in his head, and blood started to drip from his nose. Moving his hand from his eye to his nose he winced into it, the pressure however eased up. Shivering he looked behind him watching the chaos being dealt with before fatigue finally caught up with him. Dropping to the ground again his headrest on the floor and a moment later he was out cold.

“- I don’t know, we found him like that. We can’t get him to stop.” A nurse said to Prescott as she was walking beside him, it had been days since the incident in the hallway “So he’s hearing something?” Breccan asked seeming bored. Walking up to Nathan’s isolation cell  he peaked into the window and frowned “And you say he’s not been acting quite right since the incident?” Smiling a bit Breccan then waved the nurse off  “I’m sure he’s processing what’s happened. It’s not every day someone witnesses a vicious murder.  Give him his medications and everything will be fine again in no time.” Closing the window then Breccan turned to walk away “It’s a hard thing for a fifteen year old boy to get over. Keep him there for another few days.” #Selt#Past Post

nathan-douglas Tapes 2/2 Age 23-24 The tape begins, everything is pitch black at first and all that can be heard is heavy breathing over other sounds of panicked breaths somewhere in the darkness. The sound of fingers moving over the camera can be heard before everything switches over to a green color.  The camera then moves around the room, catching a few items as it unsteadily moves, catching a glimpse of an emptied bed that had been completely unmade and small indications of torn fabric lay across it. The angle then falters before dropping to the ground, a pair of legs shifting weakly coming into view. A sick giggle can be heard over the whimpering, replacing the heavy breathing.

An alarm is blaring in the background and there were more sounds happening further in the background, outside of where the person’s in the camera view and behind it seem to be. The camera starts to be scooted slightly and purposely as a hand reached out toward the legs and touched them, earning a flinch as the person they belonged to weakly tried to jerk away “Get ….oooff!…” They shouted weakly, only making the cameraman continue and move up closer toward them. The hand pressed into their victim’s chest, prodding their fingers into their skin, visibly.  A second later the hand from the person being recorded clawed the probing hand angrily a low growl coming from them before the hand dropped to the ground limply and their chest heaved harshly as the sound of more heavy breathing comes from them.

The camera continued to scoot up the body, the hand of the cameraman caressing and petting down the thin arm, their fingers looping around the fabric wrapped around the other person’s wrist, pulling it up showing that the wrists were brutally rubbed from struggling. Then the probing hand let the fabric go and let it drop back onto the floor, making the cameraman giggle sickly and shove their hand hard into their victim’s shoulder “Stop! Get away from me!“ The rough voice of their victim hissed again before a thud can be heard slightly off to the side and the giggling can be heard again as a small struggle can be heard before the hand continues to probe jabbing a finger into their victim’s neck then.

Just then a light appears from behind the cameraman and a shout can be heard  “How did he get in here?! What the hell did he do!?”  A voice can be heard before a struggle is heard following the shouting. The camera focuses on the unsteady rise and fall of the chest of who was being filmed during the entire exchange before suddenly being hit and sent spinning into the wall and coming to a slow stop leaving it at and angle where it shows who was being filmed toward the bottom side of the viewpoint of the camera. Gasping for air and sobbing for several minutes before someone finally comes back into the room and walks over to them “Nathan, did he give you something, tell me right now.” Breccan’s voice can be heard as their hand reached over to adjust Nathan’s head “How the hell did he get my camera?” Breccan looked over and moved from Nathan toward the camera “Pl-please…It hurts…please….help…help, it hur-” Nathan’s words are cut off by Breccan with a sharp ‘SHHH’ before the camera stops recording.

The tape skips to a week later on the timer, Nathan is sitting across the table looking sickly pale, dark rims around his eyes and his hair a damp sticky mess. Breccan is staring at him from the other sigh, smirking lightly. Nathan starts to play with the zipper of his gray hoodie, looking absolutely lost in his thoughts.  Breccan clears his throat and watches Nathan for a moment before starting “Nathan, do you want to talk about what happened that night?  What do you remember before being drugged? After being drugged? While you were in that state? We need to know.”

Nathan continued to look closed off, before slightly turning away, keeping his posture as closed off as he could in front of the other.  His eyes shift to one side “I don’t want to talk about it…”  Nathan said, blinking slowly as if running the scene over again in his head. His breathing visibly gets heavier.

Breccan makes a face “You asked me to help you. He must have hurt you really bad. Tell me what he did. Was there a reason he did what he did, to you? Why did he choose you?”  The older male asked tapping his pen against the table “There has to be a reason. Of course, I am sure plenty of the patients would enjoy hurting you, Nathan. You haven’t made many friends of them, of course. But what do you think you did that pushed him over the edge and do this to you? Why didn’t he use that time to do anything else? Why you?”

Flipping the tab between his fingers Nathan turned his head away, slightly  “I don’t know why he did it. I don’t even know him!”  Nathan lifted his head up and pulled his hoodie open on both sides in a shrug  “H-he just got here!? Right?! I haven’t even met him!” Nathan brought his hands up to his head  “He just came into my room! And stabbed me with one of those stupid fucking needles!” Bringing his hands to his chest, the hoodie corners following the movement as Nathan tried to come up with more to say, but could not find the words.

Jotting this down Breccan nodded slowly “So you haven’t talked to him before?  And he just came into your room, out of all the rooms between yours and his?  He chose you.”  That last part was not a question for Nathan, it was a statement toward him. Breccan realized something, Nathan’s own father had singled Nathan out, and then Nathan quickly became one of his favorite projects, to the point he could not bring himself to kill the boy, which was his original intention. And now someone else had chosen to sexually assault and take advantage of Nathan again, while he was unable to defend himself. Breccan smirked a bit “Life just isn’t for you, Nathan. It seems to be working against you, doesn’t it?  I guess that’s Gods way of dealing with mistakes like you. If you choose to believe something like that.”

Nathan blinked and dropped his hands back into his lap as Breccan spoke, giving the other male a tired look as he listens to Breccan, not one of Breccan’s most vicious of comments about him since they had known one another. But still, it just set him off. Suddenly he was pushing himself against the table between them and flipped it on top of the other male making Breccan fall to the ground under the weight of the chair. Nathan lifted the table off the other and sent it across the room before pouncing on top of Breccan and getting in one good punch before orderlies busted in and ripped him off of Breccan “Fuck you! I’ll kill you! Bastard!”  Nathan shouted as he was being pulled from the room. He grabbed onto the door frame and tried to say something else before being yanked off the frame and dragged into the hallways where his shouting could still be heard as he was taken away from the room.

Breccan stood up a moment later and walked over to the camera, smirking into it before reaching over to turn it off, but just before he did he said “He’s just too easy to set off. Those anger issues will be the death of him…” A drop of blood drips off of Breccan’s lip then and the camera view goes black.

Many months later the camera is again in a room, night vision on and pointed at a bed Someone turns over in the bed, curling up into the blanket their forehead can be seen but nothing below that as it was covered in blankets. A small tired breath can be heard a second later before silence fills the room again. A few minutes later a crack of light cuts through the room and the shadow of a nurse casts over the person in the bed. The nurse moves into the room and set a bottle of pills on the table only slightly in the frame of the camera. Letting out a moan the person in the bed shouts “Get out! I’m trying to sleep! God damn it! Leave me the hell alone!”

The nurse lets out an uncaring sound before saying  “I have been ordered to give you some pills so you can be transferred to a better hospital. It seems your parents are unable to meet our payment requirements. Seems they have landed on hard times.” Of course, this was a lie. Nathan sat up and stared at the woman in tired confusion “What the fuck do you mean  ‘fallen on hard times’ what in the hell does that mean!?” He snapped. The Nurse tossed her head before shrugged  “Look, that’s what I was told. They are transferring you.”

“Where?!” Nathan shouted.

The nurse grumbled “I don’t know. Away from here, far away.” Nathan narrowed his eyes “No. I am not leaving.” He says then before turning over onto his side “GET OUT!”  The nurse suddenly reaches over and grabs the bottle, dumping out a handful of pills into her hand and quickly grabs Nathan by the hair, yanking his head back and smacking the hand to his against his mouth and forcing the pills in “I’m tired of your mouth. You noisy brat.”  She whispered plugging up his nose until he swallowed the pills. A few minutes later she threw his head on the bed and stepped away  “Now I bet you will play nice.”

Nathan coughed and gasped for air then looked at the nurse “Bitch…” He hissed. Then slumped a bit his eyes growing hazy “W-wh-at did you…. T-those aren’t….”  Panting he slipped out of the bed and stumbled for a moment before dropping to the floor “What were -those….pills…. I feel …”  He heaved and he reached his hand up to grip it against him “Something is -”  The Nurse only watched with a bored expression from the edge of the camera view. Nathan stared up at her from almost completely out of view on the floor “I m-mean it… Something…” He slumped again gasping and the nurse made a noise before moving over and grabbing him up by the arms and throwing him back into the bed “You aren’t getting out of this, Nathan. Go to sleep and when you wake up, you’ll be in your new ‘home’.”

The Nurse pulled away then and walked to the door as if everything was normal and Nathan was going to be fine. Nathan squirmed weakly in the bed, reaching his hand up, out for the nurse before it dropped onto his chest and he let out a groan “Please…. help me…It’s-…” His breathing hitched and his chest started to rise and fall unevenly “Help me….Help me….”  Several minutes passed by and Nathan’s spastic movements start to stop before all that was left was his breathing and the sight of his chest rising and falling, from the camera’s point of view.

Some minutes later the nurse came back and said “Shit, he’s still breathing.  Though, it should be easier to feed him more.” To someone off camera. She walked into the room then and over to Nathan, checking his pulse and then turning his head upright. Pouring more pills into her hand she bent over Nathan and opened his mouth with her free hand and started the meticulous work of slipping almost forty more pills into his mouth in clear view of the camera  “Just to make sure.” She whispered to Nathan before slapping a hand playfully against his face and pulling away, taking the pill bottle with her.

Minutes later Nathan gagged and white gunk filled his mouth before bubbling out one either side and he coughed, his body jerking and shaking violently. Which lasted for some time before slowing down and finally stopping, his head had turned to the side again during that time, allowing the white gunk and spit to spill out. A while after that the door opened again and a scream could be heard before one of Nathan’s therapists who rushed over and started looking him over “Nathan!” She shouted, turning his body onto its side and trying to find a heartbeat. She seemed absolutely confused as she looked around and shouted for someone.

Breccan came into the room a moment later and got the girl out of there before she could find the camera, as hysterical as she was at the scene and how she was telling Breccan that she had checked Nathan to see if he had anything, a stash, anything, and found nothing earlier that night. She was shouting about how he could do it.  Breccan made one of the orderlies get her away from the scene before leaning over to check on Nathan himself and frowning  “How are you still alive?”  He said jerking his head off Nathan’s chest and then went to the camera and turned it off. #Self#Tapes#Breccan#The Hospital#Tw overdose Post

nathan-douglas Imagine Dragons  - Underdog

Hey, that sounds like my luck I get the short end of it Oh I love to be I love to be the underdog, Hey! Hey, that sounds like my luck I get the short end of it Oh I love to be I love to be the underdog, Hey! Mayday Parade - Hold Onto Me

I’m a drifter’s body in an open sea And I’ve seen my reflection staring right back at me With no place to go and you’re left all alone There’s no place like home Hold onto me, hold onto me Just stay with me, Just stay with me I know we got our problems and you’ll probably leave So hold onto me, hold onto me Handguns - My Own Captain

I know that you think I’m sinking, the trench I’m digging is growing deep. But I would rather inhale dirt and water, than let roots grow beneath my feet. Awaken The Giant - I Fooled You

Tell me what you want and tell me what you need Tell me everything and leave none for me You left it all unsaid when you set me free Just force a smile and let me be I won’t try to fight or hold you back Impossible to get more off track Begging and pleading could not pick up your slack Why couldn’t you just bend and have my back? Maybe it’s not me It’s fucking you I guess it’s nothing new Stop looking so confused You had the right to do What you wanted to There was a time when you Loved til it was black and blue Those pretty lies were so untrue Guess I fooled you (I fooled you) I fooled you

Tell me what I want, tell me what I need Really nothing left here for you to see Ripped my heart out now that you are free Stole it all away, walked out on me I tried to fight and hold you back Tried to make up for all the things I lack

Sam Tsui - King of Anything

You’ve got opinions, man We’re all entitled to ‘em But I never asked So let me thank you for your time And try to not waste any more of mine Get out of here fast I hate to break it to you, babe But I’m not drowning There’s no one here to save Who cares if you disagree? You are not me Who made you king of anything? So you dare tell me who to be Who died and made you king of anything? You sound so innocent All full of good intent You swear you know best But you expect me to Jump up on board with you And ride off into your delusional sunset                  - You’ve got the talkin’ down Just not the listening                  - Let me hold your crown, babe.

Plan Three - Still Broken

Is this the final scene in our tragic play Too many curtains remain to fall There’s no reason left to stay in this play We move backwards against the wall Conversation’s over, communication’s down The monologue is taking over I’m still broken I took you in with arms wide open My colour fades to gray There’s nothing left to say Now it’s all dead Are these the final cries of our aching souls (Aching souls) How come yours don’t make a sound With broken wings we’re falling faster as we go (as we go) But somehow we don’t touch the ground You had me torn to pieces You got inside my head That I’ll be here until it’s over Post

nathan-douglas

Dragging the tip of the blade against his bony arm Nathan watched as blood welled up before it spilled out, dripping and curling around his arm before dripping onto the ground.  Lifeless brown eyes watched as the blood sprout out before flicking to the blade as he started to drag it down, digging deeper into his flesh.  Then Nathan jerked suddenly and the blade turned into a pen,  on his arm he had scratched the word ‘Worthless’ into his skin, leaving only lightly reddened bloodied marks on his flesh. Clenching his hand into a fist he dropped his arm down and then pulled his shirt sleeve down to cover over the word “Hmm.”  Nathan stuffed the pen in his pocket then, looking absolutely lost for what had just happened, and completely dazed “What was I doing…” Looking up he froze seeing Damari in front of him. His hands balled into a fist as he looked at the building off in the distance and sucked in a breath, his eyes narrowing slightly before a smirk spread gingerly over his lips. #Returned:Starter

Lifting up his bony left hand Nathan stares up at the apartment building, he didn’t know which window or windows belonged to the apartment he was wanting to look at. Letting out a small sigh his fingers grabbed one side of a pair of cat ears made from the cloth of a hoodie he was now wearing. Rolling the thin wire in the ears between his fingers he grinned as he stares up from the sidewalk. Nathan had been spending the last few hours snagging clothing off from clothes lines and out of washing/drying machines.   Rocking slightly forward he started to tap his right foot against the ground, the boot on his foot clinking as the metal at the tip struck the cement. Tilting his head slightly he had an amused look on his face.

Bringing his right hand down he tugged on the end of the hoodie, covering over his bony hips and the upper half of skin tight jeans that clung a bit to his almost too thin legs. Nathan then narrowed his eyes before bringing his left hand down to nibble on the end of his index finger as he swayed a bit childishly where he stood, What should I do? What if he was right…What if… It can’t be real. This is all one. big. set up. I don’t remember how I got out of there…But this is a game to him. Austin isn’t there. He can’t be. He isn’t even real, they aren’t real! That’s why they never came to visit me. She probably isn’t your real mother, those memories are all fake! Warm brown eyes stare up the building still. I can’t go back to that place. I won’t. I won’t! Biting down hard on a large piece of his finger he glared. I will never go back there!

#Returned:Starter Post

nathan-douglas Running down the street Nathan looked back, over his shoulder before hiding behind around the corner of a building in an alley. Looking back over he swallowed. Seeing the store clerk give up he let out a breath and pressed his forehead against the brick wall “That was a bit too close for comfort…” Nathan whispered to himself before pushing off the wall and wincing as he twists to move away from the building. Sucking in a shaky breath he started to walk again adjusting his backpack on his shoulders he then moved to slip his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants and brought out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter “I got to stop fucking moving so fast…” He muttered sticking one of the cigarettes into his mouth and then tilting his head and flicking the lighter until a flame struck up and lit the cigarette in his mouth.

Releasing the trigger he placed the lighter and cigarette he’d just stolen back into his pocket and pulled out a pair of sunglasses, tossing them open and putting them on in the next second. Grinning he nodded his head “Not too bad, not too bad.”  He said to himself as he continued to walk, letting out a stream of smoke from his mouth. Holding the cigarette in his left hand he flicked his thumb at the butt, letting ash drop off it. Maybe even possibly getting it on someone. As he was walking he was humming ‘Always Know Where You Are’ from Treasure Planet.

#Returned:Starter Post

nathan-douglas Everything had been completely dark. Nathan felt nothing around him, though he had felt that he was laying on his back. He realized quickly that he could not breathe. His mind was racing between sounds and images. But he could not pick any out as they sped quickly through his head. Everything had remained in darkness, but he could suddenly feel a small breeze, the wind blowing through trees. Though he had seen nothing that told him he was outside.  Nathan froze suddenly as the sound of his father’s voice suddenly filled with the darkness that surrounded him. Though he could not make anything off what….appeared to be accusations.  A small voice followed quickly after his fathers,  repeating apologies, apparently to his father.

“Why won’t you die?” A voice suddenly invaded the space, followed by a loud distortion of sound and then beeping. The beeps were weak and often appeared to stay one note before starting up again in rhythm.  Some more time passed in the darkness before images suddenly sped by, but a few pausing as the long beep of a machine could be heard once more. Suddenly he didn’t feel like he was in the dark but in a room, the beeps had gone from echoing to suddenly being right there, as if it was just inches away from him. A man stared down at him  “It’s faint…It shouldn’t be long now. Should we just go ahead? We have already called the parents and there’s no waking up for him. Breccan, we have to give them the body.”  Another male walked over and reached down to peel open his eyes, which dried as the other males fingers held open his eyelids. With a small smirk, the doctor nodded “He’s a pain in the ass, he can’t even die right. Bury him. They won’t know the difference, he won’t recover from this state. He’ll just have to suffocate. And hide the electrocution marks on his temples. We don’t want his family asking questions.”

Then just like that, the male whose name appeared to be Breccan pulled their hand away and moved it over his eyes, everything going black once more and the voices of those in the room, along with the beeping had started to drift away. Nathan again left feeling like he couldn’t breathe and his chest was on fire.  Thudding started to spill into the darkness, slowing down every few seconds. Nathan could feel himself panicking the slower this thudding got…I can’t let…I can’t die…I …They are killing me…Please… move, just move. I need to move…wake up- I have to wake up … Don’t-….. Nathan’s thoughts suddenly started to drift apart and become harder to form. Then there had been nothing.

It felt like it had been a long time before he had heard anything else that he could even closely begin to make out, though it had become increasingly difficult to pick between sounds. Voices had flooded his mind at one point before completely silence fell over him once again.  Left to piece together those sounds during that time. It felt like people were passing by him, and that sometimes someone would lightly brush their fingers over his face. Though he felt like he could have been imagining that, wherever he was he had felt extremely uncomfortable and trapped. He swore that at some point after all the feelings of presences around him had mostly gone, someone had felt his wrist and neck, before leaning down to whispering something he couldn’t quite make out, into his ear.

But whatever that was had faded into more obscurity as more darkness took over. This time there were no other sounds, again. Just absolute soundlessness. But then he could hear something, it sounded like something had been knocking on wood. But again he felt like he couldn’t breathe, but this time he could hear his struggling breathes bouncing off walls that had been structured around him, as if in a narrow space. Though again he’d became tired and drifted off to sleep. Only to be woken up as he was being dragged somewhere “How the fuck is this asshole still alive? Hasn’t he been in that fucking coffin for several days? What does that crazy doctor want with this guy anyway?”   “I don’t know, but he’s paying us good money to bring the body back to him. Maybe he’s going to do medical testing, you know, like back in the day…Maybe this guy is a freak of nature. And the doc wants to do some weird experiments on him.”

Unable to make out the voices and too tired to do anything Nathan had passed out again and didn’t wake up till what felt like a long time later, weeks. And only because someone was again holding one of his eyes open and through blurred vision Nathan had barely been able to make out a figure, through tunneled vision “You were a lot more interesting than I’d first thought, you know…” A distorted voice spoke “Resilient,  wouldn’t you think so?” They seemed to ask someone else in the room with them  “But I want to see him take that final breath. Burying him and letting him suffocate just doesn’t bring the same sort of satisfaction, wouldn’t you think?” The voice continued talking to whoever else had been in the room.

“Stay. dead, Nathan. No one wants you.”

It was dark still, and again he could hear trees shifting outside. His father’s voice and a flash of his angry face suddenly flashed into Nathan’s mind, making him jerk up from his sleep  “Bee!” Nathan gasped sucking in a few difficult breaths. His hand reaching up to his chest, his palm pressed against his chest for a moment, but there wasn’t anything thudding inside of it. For a while, since waking up in these woods Nathan had noticed things that made him feel like something was off. Again he kept having these nightmares. Of the way his father had looked at him that final time just before both, his parents had sent him away to that horrible hospital. Reaching his hands up to his head he gripped his skull, slipping his fingers through his hair “What is happening!?”  Nathan whispered harshly to himself.

His memories were hard to make out, and he felt like some were missing, no, not just some, a lot. Because he couldn’t figure out why he was even in the woods in the first place. Not that he had been going out of his way to being returned to the ward he had spent a majority of his life being abused in. Pacing now for a minute he was waiting for the sunlight to go down so he could go out at night and gather things for himself. Since he had woken up in the woods he couldn’t seem to sate his own hunger. Before waking up in the woods he barely ate anything at all. He could remember that. But since he had woken up it was just like he couldn’t get enough food to eat.

Dropping onto the ground Nathan had curled up, his stomach growling angrily, leaving him curled up in a ball of hunger pain. He started to shiver after a few minutes and begin to sweat as waves of pain washed over him. After about an hour like this, the sun had gone down and Nathan was dazed, but walking through the woods again, back toward Kilbourne. His mind kept telling him he had to find a better place to live, that living in the woods was ridiculous, and if he was ever going to get his revenge on his family he would need to form some sort of plan. It couldn’t just be completely random. He had nothing to work with after all.  He had been able to steal clothes from a clothes line some days ago, and currently had his old ward clothing stuffed in a ratty backpack he had pulled out of some trash a little while before finding himself some clothes.

Tugging on the bottom of the hoodie he was wearing, Nathan’s clenched his teeth as another wave of hunger washed over him. Rolling his sleeve covered hand up into a ball in the bottom of his hoodie Nathan closed his eyes, pausing before leaning against a wall of a building and coughed violently into his hand. Someone who was passing by him moved away avoiding him and giving him a disgusted look.  Wiping his mouth Nathan glared after the other person before starting to walk again.

About thirty or so minutes later Nathan was walking out of the alley behind a bakery, chewing on a hardened loaf of bread. Nathan made a disgusted face as he picked at the bread before taking another bite and walked away from the bakery. He knew he would need to find some way to get money, but he lacked any way he could do that. He was in a mental hospital for sixteen years. Nathan didn’t think he was the smartest, but he could imagine that being declared too insane to live with the public and being declared psychopathic wouldn’t get him any jobs anytime soon. Sulking he dropped his arms to his side and gripped onto the bread “God fucking damn it…Why are they doing this? It’s fucking ridiculous!” He muttered getting another look from some people on the street, curling his nose up he looked toward those people before hissing like an animal at them, scaring them into walking quickly away from him.

Picking out the center of the loaf of bread Nathan walked into a park and sighed, he felt extremely tired again and sat on a bench to rest. But soon he was laying on his side and drifting off sleep right there in the park. #Self Post

nathan-douglas Watch on nathan-douglas.tumblr.com #Nathan#Likes Post

nathan-douglas Nathan yawned as he walked through the woods which he had woken up in months ago.   Looking around he narrowed his eyes as the wind blew through the leaves. But the noise that came seeping into Nathan’s ears wasn’t just leaves blowing in the wind, but his mind tricked his ears into thinking the noise was whispers. Lifting his right hand up to his head he winced “ I know. I know- I-i am working on it. They will pay for what they did to me. Every last one of them. I hear you… Sh-shhh….”  Looking around his fingers pressed into his head, which had begun to throb “ I hear you!”  Breathing heavily he turned to look around “ Shut the fuck up!”  Blinking then he gave a nervous laugh and dropped his head, his right hand trembling “ I’m such an idiot. Telling myself to shut up…. The whispers aren’t real…. Nathan…They are in your hear. Ignore them. ” Sucking in a deep breath he dropped his hand from his head and reached over pulling the strap of the bag he was holding up from his shoulder. Dropping the bag onto the ground Nathan crouched down and started to pull out some rope and set it on the ground near a tree that had a hole in it near the bottom. Moving the rope out of his way he went to stuff the rest of the bag into the tree, the sounds of chains pressing together could be heard as he shoved the bag into the hole “ Alright. That way it’s close to the ward for when I go there.” Nathan whispered to himself and pushed himself up, bring the rope up with him “ And this is for plan A.” Tapping on the rope then as he hung the rope over his shoulder and turned away from the tree stepping backward. His eyes moving to the distance  where the Sanatorium stood “ Soon enough, you will all pay.”   Turning away then  Nathan started to dig through his hoodie pocket avoiding the knife in it and grabbing the journal Josephine had gotten him, pulling it out. Opening the journal he grabbed the pen up from the middle and pressed on the top before he started scribbling about his plans  "Robert will have to be the first one, since he’s a fully grown male and will try and fight me. The bastard is the one who started this.“ Nathan spat  before he started walking and writing at the same time ” Angelica will have to be stopped next, she will probably only attack me just to stop me from hurting her children.“ Nathan paused and brought the pen up to his mouth, thinking ” Her children being Grace, Austin and Bethany…“ Letting out a breath then Nathan frowned a bit ” She allowed this to happen to me. She is not my mother. Much like Robert is not my father. These people are not my family.“ Nathan mumble before writing it down in the journal ” They betrayed me. All of them are guilty.“ Stopping  he looked up at the sky, debating what he was saying  "Their son, Nathan, died a long time ago. This makes them murderers. And they must pay for their crimes like any criminal should.” Giggling a bit he brought the journal up to his mouth and tried to contain it “ It’s not funny!”  He then shouted, shaking his head “ This is serious, to me. They will suffer, like I have suffered! It is never going to go away, these thoughts or feelings. Unless they pay for what they did!” Nathan blinked then, realizing that he was shouting at absolutely nothing. Taking in a few breathes then he rubbed his hand against his forehead “  Ahem….Grace.” “Grace was my older sister. She …Ah… She knew, all this time and…Not once has she visited! Did she forget like Austin? ” Nathan wrote that question down “ It …wouldn’t it be hard to? I … She- we were close… Why would she forget me?!”  Gripping the journal in his  right hand he tossed his head as it continued to throb “ She has allowed the murderers to get away with their crime. She will have to be punshed. Just like the murderers.” Hearing a noise Nathan looked toward it and blinked. Hugging the journal to his chest he took a few steps toward the noise “ Hmmmm….” Narrowing his eyes he waited for anything else.  Then continued to write “ Austin… The twin brother of Nathan.  They had once been best friends.  He forgot about his brother, and so deserves to die, for helping those murderers.”  Tapping  the pen on the journal he started to pace “ Yes. … His ‘kindness’ so far is only to protect himself. That selfish bastard doesn’t want me. If he had, he would of realized I was always real.” Nathan smirked “ You don’t just forget your twin!” Writing things down Nathan stood silently in the woods for a while, writing out what he would do to those four, to make them feel what he had felt all those years he was locked up and used, or abused by the staff. “ Those four do not deserve my forgiveness! - And they would never listen to me. They would always be on those bastards in the wards side. Always! Nathan. They will never be on your side. Killing them is the only way to save them from themselves.  So they can be a family again, with Nathan. And Nathan no longer has to be alone anymore. ” His eyes had glazed over for a moment, then he shook his head “ Huh… Oh, um… Bethany, right.” Lifting his hand to to his head he ran his hand through his hair as he tried to think about Bethany, circular scars near his temples showing near his hair line  " Bethany is inoccent, she was too young. She would not have any clue.  But she also must die. So that we can be a family again. I’m sorry, Bee. But it’s the only way I can- I can fix this… Prescott will not win… He will not use them to hurt me, and I will get to finally be with them.“ Closing the journal suddenly Nathan hissed and shook his head , lifting his right hand up to grab onto it ” No! That’s…I can’t do that. What if what he said is true. What if this is all his fault!?   Austin doesn’t seem that bad…He-He probably really didn’t know…And honestly forgot… He was just a kid….They were just kids…“ Nathan looked from one side to the toher letting out a shaky breath ” But-But I was also just a kid… How is that fair to me…. I didn’t do anything wrong! “ His voice broke and he sucked in a sharp breath ” I swear I didn’t do anything wrong. I - I was just trying to help her!“ Nathan sniffled a bit, letting out a breath his ” He didn’t have to lie….He is the one who hurt her. Not me…it was an accident!“ Tearing up he glanced around, the wind again blowing through the trees and making his mind think that there had been whispering going on around him ” I didn’t want to hurt her!“  Dropping down to the ground he started to write fuirously ” I’m sorry. I am sorry. I didn’t ask to be this way. I didn’t ask for any of this…. Why me! Why?  I’m sorry.  I never wanted to hurt her. Why wont anyone listen to me!“ Silently he continued to write the same words over and over again, absolutely zoned out as he did.  Nathan suddenly blinked after some time and dropped the journal onto the ground, a few pages blowing passed the page he was on as the wind blew. Sucking in a deep breath Nathan glanced around ” I am losing my fucking mind. I have to hurry this up.  Whatever I am going to do. I can’t keep going like this.“ Nathan suddenly picked up the journal then and stood, readjusting the rope on his shoulder he turned and started to walk  again, tucking the journal under his arm. Hours later he showed back up at Austin’s appartment and walked into the closet. Bringing out the laptop and his messenger bag he stuffed the journal into it and then shoved it back into the pile of blankets. Sighing he stood and walked out of the closet, closing the door behind him. Nathan then moved to the couch and sat bringing his legs up to his chest before he reached over and grabbed the remote and turned on the tv.  Eventually he found a channel with some cartoons on it and zoned out while watching it. As he was zoned out he nervously picked at his pants and lightly rocked back and forth. What am I doing? What is wrong with me?  Why won’t my head stop hurting… Post

nathan-douglas Sneaking down the hallway Nathan stopped at a corner and slowly started to peek around the corner. Spotting a guard at the other end of the hall he held his breath and watched as they turned down one hallway, to thier right. Good. He was planning to go left this time.  Quickly he moved down the hallway and quietly turned down the left hallway, making his way toward one of the doors leading to the hallway that would then lead him to the visitors room. Removing a few items from his pockets he started to work on getting the door opened, but once he’d gotten to a certain part he was zapped an a spark lit up from the door, alerting the guard as they returned “ Hey!” They shouted making Nathan look at them before gathering up his items and running away as the guard started to run toward them. “Fuck!” What are these locks fucking made with? They used to be a lot easier, dammit! Nathan turned down another hallway to get away from the guard only to run right into another hallway where a guard was walking and getting spotted “ Shit-shit shit! ” Slipping he turned and started running the other way only to see the guard from before step into his path “ Oh.” Pausing he lift his left hand to his head “ Wh-where am I? I -” Glancing around, a confused look came over his face “  This is very strange.” Nathan tried to continue to play clueless but by this point the guards had known he was very aware of what he was doing.  One gaurd grabbed him by the shoulder and pinched his nerves there making Nathan cry out for a moment and then drop to his knees, holding up his hands “ Alright! Damn. Do you have to squeeze so fucking hard?”  Glancing over his shoulder at them he smirked. Nathan was shoved back into his room a few minutes later, all the things he had to unlock the door to the visitor room had been taken. Sighing he walked over toward his bed and dropped onto it “I’ll get home. They have to hear what I have to say. Dad has to listen to me.” It didn’t take much longer before he was asleep. And only a few hours after that when a nurse came into the room. “Wake up! Dr. Prescott wants you in his office. He has to talk with you about your recent activities. Apparently, you are becoming far too expensive.” The nurse spoke pushing a hand into Nathan shoulder “ Get up.” Sucking in a breath Nathan moved and layed on his side, his back facing the nurse “ No. Prescott can go fuck himself. I’m tired.” He muttered with a small yawn before starting to doze back off. The nurse stared down at him before nodding. “ Fine. ” She turned then and left the room. A few minutes later a orderly came into the room and yanked Nathan off the bed and started to pull him out of the room. The nurse was standing outside the room holding her hands in front of her “ I don’t know where you think you are, Mr. Douglas, but certainly not a holiday resort.” Nathan shouted a few curse words toward the nurse as he thrashed around in the orderlies arms before being able to calm himself down. Once he was calmed down he was escorted along side the nurse by the orderly. Who had a death grip on his upper arm “ I can’t wait to fucking sue you bastards! One day I am going to get the fuck out of here and tell everyone what you are doing! ” Nathan smirked and made a move toward the nurse, only to be violently jerked away by the orderly “ You all are going to fucking burn!” The nurse grinned at him and nodded “ Of cours. But that is only under the assumption that anyone could ever take you seriously. And most people already consider you a murder, Nathan. Your own family must be terrified of you. I am still amazed that your mother even still visits. When was the last time you two actually had a decent converstation? She’ll give up on you too, eventually. Then you will really have no one. You’ll just be a monster who murdered his sister.” She smirked before looking away from him. “ I didn’t kill her! It was an accident! She can’t be dead! I-"Nathan blinked  trying to remember back to that day. Wincing as a sharp pain hit him then he swallowed and shook his head ” She’s alive. I- I just need to talk to them! Then you and all the other mother fuckers here doing this to patients, all the illegal shit you fuckers are doing. You will be pay for it! “ The nurse rolled her eyes and looked back toward him, turning and stepping in front of him before bringing her knee up and kneeing him in the groin.  Nathan dropped to the ground, groaning in pain as the orderly let him go. The nurse then crouched down next to him grabbing his head and making him look up at her ” If you think that were possible, Mr. Douglas, don’t you think it would have already been done? Either they don’t care what happens to you, here. Or…We take care of those who would threaten us. “ Tossing his head away from her then she stood back up and motioned for the orderly to lift him back up on to Nathan back onto his feet. Minutes later he was pushed into a chair, his hands cupping between his leg as he continued to let out a few strained, pain filled breaths. Nathan’s face was still red, and his eyes were still watery as Breccan looked him over ” Oh? I’m sure that wasn’t very pleasant feeling at all, was it?“ He asked Nathan pouting at the other, mocking Nathan’s own pounting face. Breccan smirked then and moved closer to Nathan, moving to pat the other on the shoulder ” There there, Nathan. It’s only going to matter for a few more minutes. Then you’ll be absolutely numb.“ Nathan swallowed, obviously not liking the ominous tone in the others males voice. Standing then Breccan moved toward his desk and  took a seat. Lifting up a red file then he started to go through it ” How many times have we had these sessions, do you remember Nathan? -“ Breccan  placed the file down then and looked at a slip of paper inside ” You know, I was amazed when your father agreed to your ‘special’ treatments.  As it was inhumane and often ineffective. Some patients just were to sick for the machine, I suppose.“ Nathan continued to look at Breccan, who pointed at him ” But not you. You have been quite resilient. More than I have expected. You were only eight years old when you had your first dose, am I right?“ He glanced toward the nurse who gave a nod. Then Breccan looked toward Nathan, who just seemed to freeze up and retreat into his own mind ” Ah. Well- it seems that after last nights events, it’s become to expensive to allow you to ever be able to do something like that again. But it’s because of you and others like you that we had to even get such an expensive system. I guess it should be you that makes an example for the others.“ ” I refuse. I don’t want those treatments anymore. My father was wrong, he has been wrong this entire time. He doesn’t know what he’s done. I don’t want t take any more of the medicine…or have any more treatments. If you just let me go-“ Breccan’s laugh cut Nathan off who jumped at that. It was weird and terrifying when the other male laughed, especially like that. Nathan blinked and watched as Breccan stood up and walked over toward him. A moment later their hands were on his shoulders and their eyes were locked onto his. "You are very funny, Nathan. Oh well. It’s cute how absolutely clueless you really are.” Shoving Nathan back into his seat Breccan stood and looked toward the nurse “ Give him the shot please. Let’s not make this a show.” Nathan looked at Breccan completely confused and trying to figure out what Breccan had meant, by saying that. But the wave of anger that had washed over him took control. He wanted to hurt them, every last one of them. He hated this place and wanted out. Lifting his hands up, then slamming them onto the armrests of the chair he let out a growl before launching out from the seat and grabbing Breccan by the neck, making them both fall to the ground. His hands wrapped tightly around Breccan’s neck making the older male gasp for air but he was then suddenly being pulled off of Breccan and could feel a sharp prick in his neck. But he had refused to let the other go “ Fuck you! This isn’t funny!  You can’t do this to me!” Nathan shouts before suddenly feeling weak and his hands slipped from around Breccan’s neck as the orderly jerked him away. Nathan continued to try and claw at Breccan but the other eventually moved out of his reach and Nathan was too tired to continue and calpsed against the orderlies arm gasping for air “ Fuck you….fuck every…one of ….of …you…” His eyes closed then and he slumped over against the orderly’s arms. Breccan smirking in amusment at the scene “ Well, I still think he’s a funny guy!”  Breccan croaked rubbing his neck and walking over toward the orderly and pat a hand against Nathan’s head.  He would make Nathan pay for that, with the treatments he had planned for the other. Post

nathan-douglas Walking down the sidewalk Nathan was mumbling to himself about some rambled nonsense that to outside ears would make absolutely no sense. He was rubbing his eyes which were extremely puffy and red. They had been so irritated since getting pepper sprayed.  And Nathan had no idea how to deal with it to make the remnants  of the spray stop from causing more irritation. There were burn blisters on several spots of reddened skin that the spray had gotten to, as well.  Nathan had been scratching on side of his neck, that was particularly puffy with blister clusters, and dried as well as wet blood. He had also had a thick layer of sweat that gleaned on his skin, making his hair matted against his face.

His chest had hurt with each breath he took, on account of the breathing in the spray and the strain it had been under the last few days that he had been hiding in the woods. Nathan could not, for anything, remember most of those few days, and certainly not why he was out there. Which happened often when he started freaking out. He would just black out sometimes. Though this time as he was walking he had no idea where he even was, or how to get back to where he could. Nathan stumble as he walked, bumping into someone else on the sidewalk. But he was more focused on the rush of pain that pushed through his previously numb state of mind and body. Wrapping his arm over his stomach, his right hand gripping onto his left side that felt like it had been rubbed against a grate.

Before he could inspect the reason for the pain and sudden limping the person he had bumped into pushed him into a parked car, which made him drop down “ Help-please…I n-” They laughed at him then taking a puff from their cigarette and walked over toward him, and then yanked him up by his hoodie “Oh. Imma help you out, m-” Before this person could finish Nathan’s eyes emptied of his previous terrified look, freezing over and becoming black coals. His left hand had been pressed against the guys waist, blood trickling between the mans stomach and his hand. Nathan’s nose flared, and his hand twist, making the male in front of him gasp.

“Do. Not. Touch. Me.” He whispered, his teeth clenched so tightly that he felt like at any moment they would shatter. As the guy let him go and his feet were again, flatly placed on the ground, Nathan’s head tilt. Briefly, only that, Breccan’s image appeared in the male as they pulled away from him, jerking Nathan’s arm toward them as he had been clenching tightly onto the scalpel. Yanking his arm back then he removed the surgical blade from the man and took a step back. His eyes drifting to one side in a daze before he coolly turned away from the guy and started walking again, bloody scalpel in hand.

As the guy collapsed behind him and shouted at him Nathan’s left eye twitched “They all have to die. I have to kill them. I can never be free, not until they are all dead. They want to keep me caged here, in this place.” The limp had gone away again and Nathan forgot entirely about his pain and irritated skin then.  His eyes lulled lightly in his head, rolling toward the side.

A couple hours after this incident, he was caught shouting in the middle of the street and arrested. After a brief fight the police officers that had found him managed to finally get him cuffed and thrown into the back of their car, where he continued to freak out and violently try and kick his way out of the car.

But this had only lasted a few minutes before he seemingly calmed down enough and started rocking in the back seat, his back thudding against it repeatedly, and he started to mumble about more nonsense, but this time it was sprinkled with more obvious self deprecating words and begging for someone or someones not to hate him. His head swayed along with each rock,back into the seat, his eyes rolled in his head “I can’t do it…I tried…I am sorry…. I am so sorry.” One of the officers looked back at him “What the hell are you talking about? Hey, psycho, I’m going to tell you this one time, be quiet.” The other cop didn’t seem to appreciate their partners words “Hey, man, he’s obviously suffering from something, chill…”

Nathan had been laying on his side by the time they got to the station. Once they had gotten him out of the car and walked him into the building one of the cops walked off to go say something about arresting Nathan. While the other cop looked him over and winced “Ouch, those blisters on your neck look bad…” He muttered before having Nathan tilt his head, Nathan appeared more tolerant of his touching at the moment, mostly because he was tired and had checked out of his own head  and was just on auto-pilot. The cop mentioned how red and irritated his eyes and nostrils looked as well before pulling away “Are you on something? Took the wrong dosage? Did you buy any unfamiliar drugs recently?” They asked their eyes dropping down to Nathan’s hoodie. Nathan just stared at them, not answering any of their questions.

Realizing they wouldn’t get anything sensible out of the young male they reached over “You mind if I take this hoodie off you? It looks like it must be uncomfortable to be wearing.” Nathan blinked at this, normally he would have been able to tell the officer no, not really liking the idea of the ‘security blanket’ going anywhere away from him. But as Nathan hadn’t answered the officer took it upon himself as Nathan’s best interest that it be removed. Slowly and cautiously the male had successfully removed the hoodie, placing Nathan’s cool hands in his laps “There. That should be a lot better.” As a female cop walked by he snapped at them “Can you get me some water, this kids got - I think pepper spray on him…” He watched her walk off “Can you tell me why you were pepper sprayed?” They asked Nathan then.

Nathan’s pupils shrank for a moment before enlarging and he continued to remain quiet “Okay.” The cop didn’t want to continue touching Nathan, before he had something to clean his hands off and try and clean the other off.  Inspecting Nathan once again, he knew he had to get something out of this kid, before just tossing him in the sell, a statement. A reason for why he was dangerously walking in the street and in the condition he was in. Reaching over he noticed the shirt had a few red stains on it “I’m going to see why you have blood on you here, okay? I won’t hurt you.” Nathan blinked his eyes shifting a little bit but remained completely emptied of emotions.

Lifting up the bottom half of Austin’s shirt they noticed scrapes all along his side. The officer could piece that it was from a sidewalk, by how the scrapes appeared on the others skin. The skin was also bruised and irritated from how little care that had been given to them since the injury was received, but other than that it seemed to have been patching itself up “You should probably go to the doctor when you get out of here. Get those checked out.” As the female cop returned with a bottle of water the other officer reached over and undid the lid to it before holding it out to Nathan “Here. You look like you need a drink.” Slowly Nathan reached out to take the water. The cop watched as the other males hand shook as it moved and once the water bottle was out of his hand he continued to look over Nathan “ When was the last time you had anything to eat.” It was more of a question to himself. He could tell that the person in front of him was malnourished and had possibly been a victim of some sort of abuse.

But deciding that Nathan wasn’t going to talk to him, or was unable to in his current state of mind, he had no choice but to have him be taken to a cell until they could figure out what to do with him. #Self Post

nathan-douglas Pacing frantically back and forth from one side of the area to the other, Nathan was talking to himself and running a hand through his hair “They are going to kno-I-I am sorry. I did n- I was just-” Shaking his head his eyes teared up “No! No- I-It was-was an accident! D-don’t take me.” Dropping at his waist  Nathan gripped onto his head, he let out a scream, I fucked up…I fucked up. I am fucking it all up. I can’t control this- what is happening to me?! Jerking back up he heaves as he continued to pace and talk gibberish for the next fifteen minutes and paced.

They are going to hate me- They all already hate me. Nathan rubbed a hand over his bruised, swollen forehead. Which had continuously been throbbing along with the killer headache he had since getting pepper sprayed by that cop “Fucking cu-” Wincing he gripped onto his head again as pain pulsed through his skull, followed by faint whispering “Shut up-shutupshutup! Let me fucking think!” Throwing his left hand out he smacked away at something that wasn’t even there. Crying into his right hand he stayed silent for a few minutes before letting out a few uncontrollable giggles and muttering something in a thick dark tone, unlike his normal voice.

Picking his head up then he turned and looked around, watching the leaves blow on the trees that surrounded him. He had no idea where he was, or how long he had been there. Shaking he stepped back as several voices shouted out from the tree’s. His iris’ shrunk then as he stepped back “No-no… pl-please- S-stay away!”  Dropping onto the ground he watched as something stepped through the darkness of the tree’s that had been around him.  It grew several feet and spread out over him like a shadow, making Nathan shout out and push himself back until he slammed into a tree. Gripping onto his head he brought his knees up to his chest “You are not real, you are not here…” The shadow continued to grow over him, and the darkness closed in around him … You can never escape. This world was not meant for you. A voice whispered in Nathan’s head.

“Nononononono…” Yes, they will not accept you, not the way you are, now.  You are too far gone. They will never understand. Stop running away from the truth! You are a monster! Dropping his head down he wrapped his arms over it and stated to sob. He knew the voice had been right. No one had cared before what was happening to him. They would never listen to him, they would never know about what was going on in that hospital for the last sixteen years. Not only to him, but to many other patients that had been placed there, whether against their own will, or against it.

Nathan had found that he had been hoping too much, and now he had wasted too much time and had fucked up too much to even kill his own family. I can’t even do that right. He was right there, he was right in front of me. Why didn’t I just stab him right then…Why couldn’t I do it?-…Because you were afraid, weren’t you? You didn’t want Austin to hate you. He can’t hate you if he’s fucking dead, though.- I I was, that’s not it! - It is! He filled your head with all his stupid words, and you couldn’t just be normal, could you?!- He just doesn’t know how fucked up you really are, but he will... They all ill see what you are.-What we want them to see.You can never truly escape us,-None of them will believe anything you say. They will only see you as a monster,- Stop holding back! It will only hurt you more!“I- He’s going to find out…He’ll find out and then he’ll send me back.” He won’t want you, your sisters won’t want you, your mother wont want you. Your father never wanted you! And No one else wants you either!  “Please stop, I get it! I get it! I-I get it….”

#Self Post

nathan-douglas Are You Sure That’s What You Want? An old man smiled down at Nathan as he had finished asking the young boy several questions. They had just finished several days of testing. Nathan, to him, was a normal little boy, for all he could tell. The only thing the elder psychiatrist had to note of was that the boy might have been prone to depression if not taken care of properly. It also seemed that Nathan was smarter than most adults he had ever tested before. The man couldn’t see why the boy’s father had insisted on running every test, when their was clearly nothing highly unusual about Nathan that would make him need a mental evaluation like this.  The boy had no prior incidents of trying to harm any of his siblings before. And so far from a heat stroke at the zoo some time before, and a fall from when he was three that had him in the hospital for a week, Nathan had nothing wrong with him. But Mr. Douglas was insistent ’ He’s trying to get me. I can see it when he looks at me. He’s trying to kill me.’ The man had told him in confidence while his wife was away with Nathan getting some gummy bears to snack on.

Walking Nathan over to one of the nurses he handed the six-year over “Keep an eye on him while I tell his parents.” He said before turning and walking away from Nathan and the nurse. The nurse looked down for a moment before smiling at Nathan “Do you want to go play with the other kids? We have things to draw with, books… toys. There’s a movie playing on that tv over there.” She pointed out. Nathan looked around before he started to walk toward the tv. He didn’t think he would be here that long so he didn’t want to get into something else.

Nathan’s psychiatrist walked into his office, gesturing for his parents to take a seat in front of his desk. Taking a seat then he pulled open the file on Nathan “Well, your son doesn’t seem to have any prior acts of malicious violence against your other children? Not even your other son, his twin, Austin? Twins don’t particularly have a penchant for going out of the norm. But when they do… It hasn’t been good.  Like in the case of The Silent Twins, June and Jennifer Gibbons. You have told me that Nathan refuses to talk to you, Robert. But often will whisper to his brother, and you think that it usually is an insult about you?”  Robert nodded “ The boy is unmanageable. Angelica and I have had our fights, she says he might be scared of me.” Robert paused, almost as if to debate this himself, or that he had known otherwise  “But I have never harmed that boy. He has always been like that.”

The doctor nodded  “And neither of the two boys have displayed anything out of the normal, outside of Nathan’s apparent selective mutism around Robert?” Angelica spoke now “No, Nathan and Austin have been as normal as any other kid I have ever seen.” She paused, too “But lately, the parents of some of the kids  have been saying things. A few months ago Nathan had a nightmare, that was all. And ever since then even the kids of these parents have been being really terrible to him. He has come home from school and has been almost inconsolable, on several occasions.” The doctor raised an eyebrow as he heard this "”A nightmare? What was the nightmare about, Mrs. Douglas?” She thought for a moment “I never found out, he just wouldn’t stop crying and I had to take him home from the sleepover.”

“Has there been other incidents like that?” Angelica shook her head ” No, not exactly. He’s woken up after a bad nightmare, of course, he’s six-” “He’s still afraid of the dark.” Robert said, sounding displeased by that “Robert, please!” Angelica hissed, before continuing with the doctor “I imagine that might have something to do with this incident. They didn’t have a nightlight at the other boys house.” “It’s because you coddle those kids.” Angelica glared toward her husband for a moment, then brushed him off and went on “But he has woken up in tears before, yes. But as far as I can tell it’s just typical things that a small child should be frightened of, when they are asleep. When he was four he accidentally watched a full hour of Nightmare on Elm Street, before anyone noticed. After that he’s had nightmares of Freddy appearing in his dreams. Which I should think would be normal.”

The Doctor nodded “Well, children are prone to nightmares, as much as adults are. That’s nothing to worry about, Mrs. Douglas. If you like, we can prescribe medication that will help him sleep at night.” She smiled at the doctor “So does that mean he’s okay? He  does not need to be kept here?” The doctor looked at the file “For the moment, as far as our tests can confirm, he’s okay to leave.”

Angelica stood then, along with Robert who seemed displeased by the assessment results.  After saying goodbye Angelica rushed from the room, Robert hung back though and told her to go get Nathan while he talked to the doctor about Nathan’s sleeping medications and when they would arrive. Staring at her husband hesitantly before nodding she walked out and made her way over to the children’s ward, in the common room, walking over to a familiar head she called out “Nathan, come on. We are going to get  ready to go home.” She said crouching next to the six-year-old. Nathan looked over at his mother as she knelt beside him “Shere Khan is so bad.” Smiling at him Angelica nodded and reached out to hook her hands under his arms “You look tired, you think you are going to fall asleep on the way back home?” Nathan yawned and shook his head “No.” His head laying on his mothers shoulder then “Oh? You aren’t? I bet you are!” She said, tickling Nathan playfully and started walking out of the hospital.

Robert closed the door and walked back toward the doctor “You have to take him. He can’t stay in that house. I will not have him stay there. She won’t get rid of him, my wife. She doesn’t see just how evil he is.” Robert spoke. The doctor let out a sigh “Robert, Are you sure that’s what you want? You know what would happen if you go through with that…” The doctor knew all about Robert.  Who had done a brief stint in a mental hospital of his own when he was fifteen years old after attempting to murderer a girlfriend. Robert glared and sat down “He’s ruining everything I have ever worked for. The way he looks at me when we are alone. As if he knows. I want him out of my life.” Robert nodded “I am sure. Do what ever you have to. I don’t want him in my home, with my family. He’s not one of mine. I will pay you extra if you just take him.” Robert leaned forward “Whatever you want, I will do-” At that moment a man a few years younger than him walked into the room.

“Ahh, Breccan.  Have we forgotten our manners? What has my daughters son been teaching you?” The young male paused and looked around “ I-uh, well. It’s that I really wanted to show you this- file, her name is Tasmin.” Breccan smirked before realizing that Robert was there. The doctor let out a sigh and stood ” This is my great-grandson, Breccan Prescott, Mr. Douglas. If you wish to go through with this, this is the man who will be able to help you. As I am retiring soon. Breccan will be starting his apprenticeship this year, assisting mostly, at the Damari Sanatorium.” Robert sat up a bit “Really? That place? I’ve heard rumors.-” Breccan smirked “Yes. It is the a perfect, volatile environment.” Robert stood “Alright, take him. Send me the check, keep me updated on his mental state.” The elder doctor nodded “We’ll call later this week, have your wife talk to us. We will tell her to bring him in for testing again.”

Robert walked to the car several minutes later and got in, looking in the backseat at Nathan as he was passed out “Asleep, hm? Those tests must have been really exhausting on him.” Angelica nodded, but then her brows furrowed “What did you stay to talk to the doctor about?” She questioned. Robert pulled out of the parking spot “Nothing really. Mostly just wanted advise on what we should do about Nathan, with him being as smart as he is.  They suggested we keep his mind stimulated cultivating whatever he takes an interest in, or some shit like that.” Robert shrugged  “I told them that was a nice incentive. But Nathan will be just fine and that we don’t want to put too much pressure on him. Some smart people have fragile ego minds, right?” He joked. Angelica gave a light laugh before sighing a little “Dear, you sounded upset. Do you really think Nathan is trying to harm you? He probably just doesn’t know what to say to you, is all.”

After a few hours of driving the three walked into the house, Austin running over to the three shouting at Nathan, who was just waking up and yawning then, rubbing his left hand against his eyes. Angelica set Nathan down next to Austin who asked him questions one after another. Nathan grinned, then looked at Robert who stared down at him before glancing to Austin and then Grace. He turned away from the three of them then and started walking toward the stairs leading up to the bedrooms. Nathan made a face as he watched his father disappear upstairs before smiling at his siblings and placing his hands on his hips “I’m an evil genius!” Nathan shouted before suddenly tackling Austin and playfully poking his brothers nose “You wanna be my eeeevviiil side kick?”  Getting up off the other Nathan helped Austin stand back up and looked at Grace “Only twins, you can’t come to the party. Neeh.” Sticking his tongue out then he grinned.

Grace laughed and poked him in the chest “Oh please, Nathan. You are too little to be evil. What are you gonna do to keep me out? Hit me with your pillow?” She teased then lightly flicked Austin’s nose “Dumb brothers.”

- 4 years later-

Letting out a shriek Nathan thrashed around in the arms of an orderly as several nurses and other staff ran into his room. There was blood splattered on his shirt and around his mouth. The orderly dragged the ten-year old from the room. Nathan’s breathing was becoming erratic as he continued shouting. His eyes rolling around in his head.  Lifting his hands up as he shifted in the orderly’s arms, the blood on them wiping off along the white shirt the orderly had on, and their face “Let me goooo! Let me goo!”  Crying out Nathan kicked his feet “Help! Help me! Please! Pleeeaaase!” Throwing his head back into the chest of the orderly Nathan shrieked, the sound shift from human to demonic as his vocal cords shred.

His thin frame slipped a bit in the orderly’s grasp, bringing Nathan’s mouth close enough to the orderly’s arm that he was able to bite, hard, into their skin. His nose curling as his teeth sank into the flesh on the arm of the orderly that was holding him. His eyes narrowing and looking animalistic before the arm was suddenly jerked from his teeth and he was slammed into the ground, his head hitting the stone floor hard, bouncing off it. The Orderly pulled away to inspect his arm as Nathan laid motionless on the floor, a circle of crimson sprouting out under his head, his eyes glazed over. Nathan stared lamely at the activity that had been happening down the hallway, back toward is room. They were moving a stretcher out from the room now, and on it was a female nurse, who was bleeding from the side of their neck and a few other spots. The ringing in his ears had prevented him from hearing any other noise, like the woman’s screaming as she was wheeled away.

Twitching Nathan began to feel tired, he caught the sight of his own blood forming in front of his face on the floor before his eyes rolled into the back of his head. You could never be free, no matter how good you tried to be. They will keep you here no matter what, Nathan. No one loves you. No one wants you.

A day later Robert Douglas had just got home from work and was walking into the kitchen when the phone rang. Picking it up then “Hello, why are you calling here, now? I have told you I prefer when you call later at night.” Robert spoke, calmly as Austin walked into the room. Snapping at Austin he pointed for the boy to come over to him “Where do you think you are going, Austin? Did you finish your homework?”  Austin spoke, but the voice on the other line caught most of Roberts attention “Oh is that right?” Robert smirked a little before snapping at Austin again, a sign that said for the boy to stay there, as Robert wasn’t finished with him yet. Listening still on the phone, he nods and stares down at Austin “Is she okay? No? Poor thing.-And Nathan?” He said this as if only to tease it in front of Austin, to see if the other would recognize it. Even though it had only been four years, Austin didn’t seem to react to the name of his ‘imaginary’ friend. Robert’s eyebrow rose  “Keep me updated. Don’t call Angelica. She doesn’t need to know about this.” Hanging up Robert walked over to Austin “How many times have I told you? You will not be able to play with your friends until after you have finished all of your homework. And I have checked it. Now go back to the dinning room and finish.” #Self#Past Post

nathan-douglas Problem Child “What in the hell is wrong with you, Nathan? Didn’t we tell you kids to stay clean today? This is why I don’t like taking you anywhere. ” Said the elder Douglas as he started to wet a hand towel. Nathan gave a cute little grin at the other. By three years old it had been long established to Robert Douglas that Nathan was the ‘problem child’ he didn’t want. At every corner it seemed Nathan would defy him. When he had his children tested to see how smart they were, Nathan had scored higher than he had thought. He had mistaken this score for actual intelligence. But clearly,  he did not think that Nathan was very intelligent at all. They must have mixed up the scores with Austin’s, or hopefully some other kid.

As Robert stared at Nathan, who tossed his head lightly, seemingly thinking of something amusing, it rubbed Robert the wrong way. How the kid obviously knew how to talk, but never would say a word to him. And always had that stupid look on his face.  It was a look that Robert had grown tired of the last few months as he tried to test Nathan himself. During a game of chess Nathan had shown just how smart he was, to Robert.  Who refused to believe it. But each time Nathan, this three year old, beat him. He found it harder to believe “ No, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? ” He whispered getting his face in Nathan’s. His tone was spiteful.  Nathan just stared at Robert and gave a cute little grin before looking away “ Grrbble.” The boy then said, making Robert narrow his eyes  and say “ What? Speak English!”

Nathan pointed at the other then brought his hands to the sides of his face and hooked a few fingers at the edges of his mouth and pulled his lips apart making a face at Robert “GGGRRRRRRR!!!!”  Robert hissed and slammed a fist into the sinks counter “ What does that even mean? You always say that!”   Grabbing Nathan’s right arm then he started to scrub the mud that was caked on it off “ It’s even in your god damn hair. What possessed you to fucking play in the mud today? ” Robert hissed, scrubbing even harder on Nathan’s arm. After a moment  the boy let out a small cry “ Oh, did that hurt? Maybe you should have been out playing in the fucking mud, huh?” Robert smirked at his son and then turned the water on again and grabbed the cup off from the side.

Pushing Nathan’s head over side of the sink Robert poured water over Nathan’s head before letting the squirming boy go finally and then he went back to scrubbing the rest of the mud off, despite Nathan’s further protests “ Now, just stay clean for the next few fucking hours, okay? That’s all I ask.”  Nathan rubbed his right arm and frowned at the older male “ No.” He said.  Robert blinked, his eyes widening at that “ What?” Nathan stared at his father “ No.”  And Robert knew the other was defying him. That Nathan was disrespecting his authority. He just could not put up with this kid any more. Why his wife had left town to visit a dying family member and left this little bastard with him was beyond him. But he was going to make sure she never had the chance to do it again.

Suddenly he shoved Nathan off the counter and watched the toddler as he dropped, pulling away when they reached out to grab him just seconds before slamming onto the toilet and then dropping onto their head onto the solid floor a moment after. It wasn’t until Robert had seen the blood and Nathan’s twitching that he snapped out of his rage. Realizing what he had done he suddenly dropped down to grab the boy up and carried him out of the bathroom, rushing toward the door “ Grace, watch your brother and the baby, Nathan fell off the counter, lock the door and don’t let anyone inside. ” He ordered quickly as he walked passed the two small children and a moment later out of the front door.

The next morning Nathan had still not woken up after being pushed. His head had been bandaged, with his left side having a hint of red sprouting under a few of the outer layers. His mother was there standing over him, her hand running over the strands of black hair “ Why was he on the counter, Robert? ” She muttered before looking over toward her husband “ I was- I was just cleaning him off, and he was hyper or something, I have no clue. I was just distract, it was a stupid decision. I only looked away for a minute.”  Angelica turned her eyes back to Nathan, watching his chest rise and fall gently. The beeping machines around him were making her even more frustrated. This was her baby, and she felt like she had failed him. Even though she wasn’t their, she still felt responsible for it happening.

“They said there maybe be a bit of brain damage. The way he landed on the top of his head-” She choked up. Robert walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her “ It’s going to be okay. I am sure he will be okay. Nathan’s a strong kid, remember? They are just keeping him like this so he has time to rest, Angel.”  Lifting her hand up he placed a kiss on the back of it before caressing his wife’s face in his other hand “ But let’s be real here, he’s never really been 'right’ if you know what I mean. ” Shoving him away then Angelica glared “ Just, go take care of the other kids, Robert. If you are just going to insult him.- What is your problem with him? He’s three years old. What could he have possibly done to you that makes you hate your own son that much?- I don’t care, will you just go.”

Robert pulled away from his wife and stopped only to say “  I don’t hate him, he is just…Weird. And he frustrates the hell out of me, because I can’t seem to understand him. And he is only just three. How can I not understand a three year old?  He won’t even talk to me. But he talks to everyone else!- ” Before he could say anything else that made him sound like a jealous bastard he turned and left the room. Which was true, Robert felt like Nathan had made a club with everyone else in the family, and forgot to invite him.  He felt out of touch with the boy and  as much as he did love Nathan, his anger toward the child was often too great for him to contain. Everything the boy was doing, even if it as innocent came to him like a slight. As if Nathan was purposely doing things to piss him off.

Nathan had spent a week and a half at the hospital. The doctors had run several tests on him over that course, to see how much damage he had taken from the fall, and how that would continue to effect him for the rest of his life. But most of the tests didn’t reveal anything wrong at that time. The only side effect Nathan had was his vision being impaired from how hard he had hit the floor at the time. Other than that the doctors told his parents that he seemed fine. So the Douglas’ were finally allowed to take him home. Angelica carried Nathan into the house and was met with an excited Austin who immediately started asking Nathan questions. Unfortunately for the  boy Nathan had been fast asleep “ Shhh, Austin, it’s late, he’s tired, don’t be so loud okay?” She pet the boys head. She had thought the look on Austin’s face when he had seen Nathan was back was super cute. The last week and a half Austin seemed to not be as happy, but seeing Nathan had seemed to fix that. Which made their mother happy.

As Robert dragged a few items of Nathan’s into the house he stared at Austin, before looking up at Nathan  who was slumped over Angelica’s shoulder. Then to the baby sitter who was walking over to the two “ I tried to get him to sleep, he refused to. He said he wasn’t going to sleep until he got to see Nathan.” She smiled and reached over to playfully scratch Nathan’s back “ Cutie. -Well, I am going to go now. Grace and Bethany passed out about an hour ago.  Bye Austin!” The teenager walked passed the other little boy and ruffled his hair a bit “ Take good care of Nathan, okay? -see you guys.”  She waved and exited the house.

Robert closed the door behind their baby sitter and looked at Austin “ You should really be in bed, you have school tomorrow.” He snapped his fingers at Austin and then pointed toward the stairs “ Go.” Angelica frowned “ Oh stop, he’s not going to school tomorrow. He’s going to stay here and keep Nathan company. Aren’t you Austin?” She smiled and grabbed Austin’s hand and started guiding him toward the stairs “ Daddy doesn’t understand, brothers are important, huh?   But he just never had any siblings of his own.” Angelica knew what she was doing, but it was typical, she always undermined Roberts authority. Standing in the walkway for a moment Robert glared as his wife helped Austin up the stairs and then looked away at all the 'get well’ junk Nathan had and tossed it onto the couch.

“Nate!”

“Wake up! Wake up Nathan! Come on! Don’t be a sleepyhead! You sleep forever!”

Slowly Nathan’s eyes fluttered open, one eye blacked out by bandages that had fallen over it, the other seeing the silly face of a boy who looked just like him, leaning on his bed. Nathan’s eyes closed again and he started to drift off to sleep once more, only to have Austin lightly push him “ Come oooon!” The other boy squeaked in a small voice “ Done sleeping! Play!-” “ Austin, what are you doing?” Robert questioned, having come to investigate the annoying sound that was Austin’s whining. Snapping he pointed away from Nathan’s bed  " Go over their Austin.“ He commanded, and the other boy obeyed. Robert walked over to Nathan then and reached out, grabbing onto Nathan’s jaw and turning his head a bit ” Angelica will have to change these. “ Robert muttered before turning his eyes to Austin ” Austin, didn’t I tell you to clean your room yesterday? “ He looked around the room, seeing a few scattered toys on the floor ” What if Nathan has to get up and trips over something. Do you want him to get hurt again?“  Robert threatened, in a way. When Austin jumped he smiled.

” You know what I am going to have to do, now, Austin. I will not tolerate this behavior. You will learn to obey or face the consequences.  So what do you want?  Five spankings, or one of your toys taken away from you?“ Nathan had been waking up as this was being said. His eyes shifting between Robert and Austin as they stared at each other. After a moment Robert let out a sigh ” I will give you to the count of five to decide- 1…“ Nathan watched as Austin seemed to actually be debating.  His eyelids fluttered for a moment as he felt tired again.

"2!” Nathan felt his chest clench. He felt like he had to do something! Blinking he tried to force back the waves of exhaustion. He couldn’t remember why was feeling terrified of the older male. They had always been this way. But there was this layer of actual terror that he hadn’t had before, spreading over him. He had to protect his brother from this man. That was all he knew. “3! Austin, toy or spanking.”

Nathan swallowed as Robert smiled a little bit seeing Austin’s struggle to choose one or the other. “4!”  Nathan pushed himself up “ Toy…” Robert looked at Nathan, blinking then sighed “ No one asked you. I wanted to see what Austin would choose.” Standing then Robert glared at Austin then Nathan before getting into Nathan’s face, noticing a unfamiliar look in the boys light brown eyes. He noticed that the others gaze was colder, less bright as if an ounce of his liveliness had bled out during the fall “ Hm. Well, you boys  should go get breakfast.”  Nathan watched the older male leave before sluggishly dropping back down ont the pillows  his eyes fluttering closed for a moment before hearing a small whimper coming from Austin who asked why their father was so mean.

Turning his head over he opened his eyes a bit and stared at Austin, sighing. Rolling over he started to slide off the bed. Once he was firmly on the floor he walked over to Austin and placed a hand on the others head, petting them lightly. Then pressed his forehead against Austin’s. He had no answer for the other. All he could offer wash is company. #Self#Past#Austin#Angelica#Robert Pulling himself out from the water, Nathan let out a gasp and pushed himself onto the tile surrounding the pool. Turning he sat at the edge of the pool and kicked his feet as he looked around trying to find his brother. Sniffling he turned his head into his left hand as he rubbed his nose. Nathan was not a big fan of swimming, after a while it would make him feel a bit sick to his stomach. The smells and water had always messed with him in some way.  As a few kids ran behind him he watched, turning his head to follow them as they ran down to the other side of the pool. Nathan did not really have any friends. He was a bit too nervous to talk to anyone, and some kids his age had also thought he was weird, because he did not really talk. And when he did, his anxiety made him tremble a little bit, causing him to stutter. By the time he and his brother were seven and old enough to have friends of their own, Nathan had shown clear signs that he was different from what many considered normal. So much so, that not only his parents, but other parents had noticed. The ones that had been in close contact with him and his brother, at sleepovers or sports events. Nathan would hardly make it through a sleepover without having his parents called to come pick him up. Eventaully Nathan had stopped trying to seem like he cared about going. When he honestly did not give a fuck. Nathan felt a lot less nervous at home. Even with their father there. He was fine with Austin going out and being normal, Nathan understood even then that his brother was easy to get along with. Austin was everything better that Nathan could not be. Nathan had never hated his brother for being charasmatic, but it was frustrating that he did not get why he was so strange. As Nathan watched other children play he continued to gently kick his feet in the pool water, looking dejected, yet longing, as he had wanted to make friends. He wanted someone to talk to that was not always Austin. Dropping his head down he watched the ripples in the water. Nathan had a feeling that one day Austin would get sick of him to,  it was only a matter of time.  His parents were already acting very strange, distant, when it concerned him. It was always Bethany, then Austin, and when it occured to them that they were forgetting someone, they were reminded of him. Nathan did not feel love for any one of them, and he was realizing that he had never actually felt anything for anyone or anything. He just felt empty. Or like he was drowning.  Gazing at his reflection in the water Nathan frowned, thinking it may have been better for everyone if he did just drowned. Lifting his head up he takes a deep breath, knowing that he was just overreacting to something. What that something was he had no idea. He usually had know idea when he started feeling angry, or sad, or why he was feeling that way, sometimes. Nathan stared up at the sky, knowing that he was just being silly, right? He was always being silly, his mother would say. No one was hurting him, no one was out to get him, he was just having a bad dream. But he was curious, what if this feeling had never gone away? What if he was going to be the weird kid forever? Suddenly something crashed into his back and he dropped into the water again, flailing for a moment as he sucked in some water, before breaking the surface and grabbing onto the edge of the pool “ Austin! That hurt!” But Nathan ignored it until it was numb and gave his brother a weak smile before laughing and splashing water in the others face. Paddling over to the other he pushed them under the water for a moment, then pulled away, backstroking a little from Austin as they popped back up from under the water. He laughed again as he had to look at Austin’s hair again. Over the summer his brothers hair had gone several shades lighter from all his swimming. Again, it reminded Nathan how much more fun Austin must have been. How different the other was from him, in the most possitive ways.  It always reminded him of what others would say about twins. Not to them exactly, at least most of the time. He had figured he must have been the ‘evil twin’ a long time ago. Because Austin was not what Nathan pictured to be anything evil.  Yes, he was the evil twin, he had to of been, even his hair was darker, at least at the moment. Swimming back over to the edge Nathan pulled himself up as their mother walked over to the pair “ Nathan, is your nose bleeding?” She asked, crouching down and looking concerned at her small son. Nathan gave her a confused look before reaching up to tap at his nose then pulled his hand away to see the red blood “ Oh, I guess.” He commented as his mother reached over “ Did you get hit? Or is it just dry?” She questioned before standing “ Come on, let’s get it fixed up, okay? - Can’t have the other parents thinking you have rabbies again.” She sighed and pressed a hand against Nathan’s back to push him back toward the house “ Austin, tell your dad Nathan and I are back in the house, I think Nathan needs a few minutes to rest before continuing to play.” Once in the house Nathan was lifted up  and sat next to the sink “ Are you feeling okay, Nathan? You look a bit tired.” Angelica asked as she reached over and grabbed a few klenex’s and dabbed at Nathan’s nose as she tilt his head back.  Nathan shook his head. His mother let out a small sigh “ Well, I would like you to rest anyway, okay? Better safe than sorry, I don’t want an incident like what happened at the Zoo three months ago, you hear? ” She directed his head down again and tapped him on the nose “ You are the one I worry least about, Nathan. You always seem so capable of handling yourself.  I almost forget you are the same age as your brother, sometimes.” With that she placed him on the floor “ Okay, go rest on the couch!  Take it easy. ” Nathan sighed “ Buuut Moooooom! I wanna go hang out with the other kids.”  Nathan cried.  Angelic only pressed a hand to  his back and directed him toward the livingroom “ The other kids did not have heatstroke at the Zoo in the last few months, Nathan.”  Once they were at the couch she placed him onto it and asked him if he wanted to watch a movie. Eventually picking out one of the disney ones and putting it into the VCR. “Okay, watch that and stay inside for a few.” Walking toward the other she placed her hand ontop of Nathan’s head before bending down and placing a kiss on the top of the boys head “  Just rest.” Post

nathan-douglas Sick and Twisted Standing on the sidewalk, Nathan blinked slowly, his eyes glazed over and his head tilted awkwardly, his fingers twitched at his sides, the hair on his arms sticking up as his mind felt completely hollow and void of any thought or emotion. He felt a child run down his spine and started to shift a little. Nathan remained completely detached from the situation going on around him. He could not even remember what happened leading up to it. The last thing he could remember was getting really frustrated with his father, and shouting at him. Then running away from the other as they reached out to grab him.

Now, he was standing over a crying Austin. Why the other was crying, he of course did not know. And he felt regretful, but only slightly, mostly he was just feeling nothing. He glared at his brother as they shouted an accusation at him. Dropping down to Austin’s level, Nathan glared at the other, then crawled toward the other, putting his face in front of his brothers. His head tilt to one side as he watched Austin’s bloodied wrist.  Despite the weird feeling he was currently having, another one struck him then, as he watched the others blood pool up “ Does it hurt a lot?” He asked in a detached tone. Nathan reached over to grab Austin’s  hand before his mother grabbed him and pulled him away from the other.

Their father ran over and grabbed Austin, examining the other boys wrist before looking at Nathan “ Did Nathan push him, Angie?  Did you see what happened? ” He asked his wife, before turning away and carrying Austin away. Nathan just went limp in his mothers arms as she picked him up, a heavy feeling in his chest had seemed to consume the rest of him in the next following seconds. As his mother cradled him, she reached over to feel his forehead, realizing he was burning up “ Nathan, you are so warm. Are you not feeling well?” She asked, as she started to father her husband back to the house, still worried about Austin who had still been crying and not talking.

Nathan’s head lulled, dropping suddenly onto his mothers shoulder as she followed her husband up to the bathroom “ Is he okay, Robert? Did he break his wrist?”  Adjusting Nathan on her hip she continued to watch Austin “ I know, I know, shh- Aussie, please, calm down and tell us what happened.” She cooed, reaching a hand up and petting the back of Nathan’s head.  Nathan sucked in a few deep breaths as the other three were making all the commotion.  His mind kept going back to the image of Austin’s bloody hand.   The vision gave this weird feeling, his body felt tingle. A shiver ran down his spine. He had never felt so weird before. Nathan was slowly becoming curious about the feeling. But in no time, it was starting to fade away. As his mind went from ‘off’ to 'on’. Pushing himself up he looked over, worried about  his brother he watched his parents move to help the other, intently.

After a few minutes Austin was all bandaged up, his wrist was mostly intact, aside from a pretty horrible scrap. It had turned out he had tripped over a untied shoelace while he was running toward Nathan, who at that time was off in his own world and couldn’t hear his brother. #Self #Past

nathan-douglas No Nathan! Nathan suddenly jerked awake after hearing his dads voice shouting at Austin, Nathan let out a wheezy breath. His eyes rolling a little in his head for a moment before he closed them again.  When his dad shouted again, he sat up and tried to listen to the argument. When his mother’s voice came into the arguing, Nathan peeked out of the cabinet and watched them move toward the living room where apparently something had been broken.

Sneaking out from the cabinet Nathan made his way over to the stairs. He stepped up them while the rest of his family was arguing with one another. As he was walking down the hallway he heard a noise coming from his old bedroom. Looking into it he see’s Bethany in her crib,  making garbled noises. Walking over he grabs onto the bars and looks in on the baby from the other side “This is my room.” He told her, upset that he had to move rooms, still.  Nathan frowned a bit, then reached into the crib and let the baby grab his hand “Bee, dad is yelling at Austin again.-” Nathan paused suddenly, realizing something. What if their dad started yelling at his baby sister? A sudden crash made him turn to look at the sound, after being slightly frightened by it. As the shouting grew louder,  Nathan frowned.

Just as he was about to walk away Bethany started screaming, crying out so loud Nathan thought he might have accidentally hurt her. Jerking his hand out of the crib he started fiddling with the hooks holding the crib side up “Shh- Bee, be quiet!” Nathan whispered harshly and watched the crib side drop down. Moving into the crib he placed  pat a hand on Bethany’s chest “Bee, please, quiet…” But  Bethany had continued crying, her legs and arms kicking and tossing around. After another moment he noticed the noise down stairs had stopped and then his mother appeared at the door “Nathan what are you doing?”  She asked walking over and picked Bethany up into her arms before moving her over to the changing table and smiled as Nathan crawled out of the crib and walked over to Angelica, watching as she started to change Beth’s diaper.

Looking over to his mother then, he could still hear his father still talking to Austin “Did Austin do something bad?” He asked as his mother quickly dealt with Bethany’s diaper. Nathan made a face at it, his nose scrunching up “Apparently a vase broke and your father is not taking the loss well at all.” The older woman said, her tone heavy with sarcasm and irritation. Nathan frowned and looked down at the floor before turning and walking toward the door “Thane, don’t do anything to upset your father any more today.” Nathan gave a nod and exited the room. He walked over to the  stairs and stood their as his father continued to have no cool what so ever, and then send Austin to his room.

When Austin reached the top of the stairs, sobbing Nathan stood up and walked over to the other, reaching out to grab his brother’s hand “Tin. You aren’t alone.” Nathan assured, then let Austin’s hand go and followed the other upset boy into their room. Nathan walked around gathering up things that Austin liked  as his brother crawled into bed and continued to cry. Nathan started stacking the items he gathered on the bed, trying to cheer his brother up “Look Austin, batman! Look.” He tossed a batman toy on the bed and then pulled away to go find something else “Oh! Austin! I found Flip!” He tossed a stuffed lion onto Austin’s bed “Look!”

Nathan walked across the room only to stop when the door slammed open all the way, making him jump and drop the current items he was holding in his arms as the tall angry figure in the door came stomping over to him “What in the hell are you doing in here?!” Nathan stuttered and backed away from his father “I-I uh… I was- Austin was crying…an-and I-” His father grabbed his arm and jerked him toward the door “No Nathan, either, Austin. You think about what you did!” Nathan stumbled as he was being pulled out into the hallway “No me? I sleep there!” Nathan protested.

Not tonight, tonight you are sleeping in the guest room.-” “But it don’t want to.”  “I don’t care, Nathan. Austin is in trouble. You are just going to have to deal with it.”  Nathan was picked up off the ground then and carried down the stairs. Looking up the stairs, he sighed. He didn’t like not being able to be in his room, or able to help Austin feel better.  A few minutes later his dad had placed him in a small bedroom and left, slamming the door behind him.  When the other was gone Nathan frowned and curled up under the blankets. #Self #Past

nathan-douglas From the moment Nathan was born, he was different.  Not that he was special, just different. But not so much so that he was not like the other babies in the nursery.  Where many babies would often end up crying if left unattended for too long, Nathan hardly did.  There were of course times he had to, for when he was hungry. But he never really cried, just to cry. Even as an infant he was not very fussy. The nurses at the hospital had taken notice of this, but had thought nothing of it. It seemed like a relief to have such a calm baby, especially when others would cry until their lungs burst.

Even at his worst, Nathan hardly cried out, mostly he was just tears and squirming. When he and Austin had been taken home, Nathan remained just as detached it seemed. He was more interested in taking in his new surroundings. All the new sounds and things he could see from the angle of his crib in the room. Austin on the other hand seemed to be able to cry for hours. Which also happened to be the main source of times that Nathan would be his fussiest, and join in with Austin. He still didn’t match up to Austin’s crying and once their mother would come in he would quiet himself.  She would lift Austin up and work on calming the other down, while moving over to Nathan and cooing at him, brushing a finger against the side of his face, gently.

Their mother was always followed behind with their father, who was not as cheerful as their mother to be woken up for the last few months, to screaming babies. It was as though the older male had merely wanted children for his own needs. A person to mold after them. Not weak and defenseless babies. Perhaps he had wished to skip the entire infancy part of having two newborn sons. But Nathan had seemed to be his favorite of the two twins. Nathan was far more manageable. The older male Douglas liked that, the appearance of a calm and perhaps obedient child.

“Nathan, come here, I want to teach you a game.” “Hunny, he’s two years old, he probably isn’t going to understand it. Let him play with his toys.”  "Oh, come on babe, it’ll be cute, don’t you think? “  With a sigh Nathan’s mother shook her head "It’s definitely going to end in tears.  Nathan’s isn’t what his day carer says ’ a team player’.” She laughed lightly “ He threw a block at Tommy Gilbert just last week, for - I don’t even know why, honestly.” She shrugged and walked away “ Don’t  lose your temper, he is still a baby.”

“ Stop it, Nathan, you don’t chew on pawns.” His father reached over then and yanked the black pawn out of his mouth, slamming it upright back on the chess board “ I told you this four times already, are you ignoring me? Are you purposely trying to annoy me?” The older male Douglas asked. Nathan just stared at the other, his eyes a dull light brown before he reached over to another pawn “ Oh, are you sure-”  Nathan started biting on the pawn and staring at his father, as if challenging the others impatience. Bringing his right hand up to pinch his nose, Nathan’s father let out a groan “ So damn infuriating! Are you purposely trying to piss me off, I know you understand me, Nathan. ”

Pushing the pawn all the way into his mouth, Nathan let out a garble, playing dumb to his father, and drooling.  His father glared before  looking to the side “ I know you can talk, I heard you talking to Austin, and you whisper to your mom whenever I am around. Why won’t you talk to me?” Nathan continue to stare at the older male, his hand reaching out to grab onto another pawn, white this time, and lift it up to his mouth, slowly slipping it in on the other side of his mouth, filling his cheek, he gave the older male an idiotic partially toothless grin, then. The tops of the pawns peaked out of his mouth “ Gaah.” His father lift up his hand suddenly going to hit Nathan but paused when Nathan’s mother suddenly appeared “ Austin’s up from his nap. How are things going with you two?”

As she walked over she noticed the pawns and tutted her husband “ Don’t let him eat those, he could choke!” She chastised walking over and crouching down, pulling the pawns from Nathan’s mouth.

“Maybe he should, it would probably teach him not to eat the damn things.”  She smiled a bit and brushed a hand through Nathan’s hair “ Such a loving father you are.” She comments before standing and starting to walk away “ Can you finish your game and bring him into the kitchen in about ten minutes, for lunch?” After that she made her way back into the kitchen and left Nathan and her husband to their game. Nathan smiled at the other male and tilts his head “ Do you hate me?” Nathan’s father asked. Nathan did not even bother looking at the other, his attention moving to playing an entirely different game with the chess pieces, entirely.

Swiping his hand across the bored and knocking the pieces out of Nathan’s hand, the older of the two stands and picks Nathan up “You are going to learn to do as I say, just you wait.” A few minutes later he was setting Nathan down next to Austin, in the kitchen and walked off to tease his wife. Nathan dropped the smile from his face and turned his head to Austin who was chattering on about something that was hard to understand, for anyone else that might have been listening to the conversation. Austin was of course talking to Nathan, obviously, who just remained stoic for the most part.

Nathan responded to his brother of course, but his garbled words words back toward the other lacked the same sort of excitement. Nathan had only been a few years old, but he felt a lot like an old man that had seen and done it all. To an extent Nathan may of said he had even felt like he would always feel this way. Most of the time he had only could feel anything when with Austin or his parents. But a lot of the time he just felt miserable, and he was always confused about this. His mother had taken notice that Nathan had always seemed like he was upset, or in deep thought about something that may of been upsetting.

“Nathan!  Are you having a great birthday so far?  You seems so excited today!” His mother exclaimed as she cupped his face and kissed his forehead. It was Austin and his fifth birthday. And he had learned to some extent that pretending to be happier would make his parents, more specifically, his mother, ask if he was alright. He never would really feel completely ‘alright’.  With a smile he mustard up, though a wave of exhaustion hit him as he tried to muster up what it took to be passably 'happy’ “ Yeah! I like the batmans. ” He squeaked out, lifting up one of the toys and hugging it close to his chest “ This one is my favorite!” Austin’s squealing had him suddenly looking over, dropping his act.

Nathan watched as their father played with his brother, feeling a bit jealous that the older male was not paying any attention to him. The older male Douglas had long gotten over trying to focus on Nathan’s seemingly tame nature, to teach him anything. Nathan’s defiant behavior had earned him some spite from the older male. Whenever Nathan would not give his father what he wanted, his father would be horrible to him and purposely try to make him jealous. Nathan really did feel jealous, too. But he hid it very well. Which had only further angered his father. He tried not to care about it as much as possible. As long as Austin was not getting his own feelings hurt, Nathan could live with what was going on.

Smiling at his mother then, he started talking about journals. Ever since getting into school and really learning how to read and write, Nathan had wanted journals, to document everything. Or maybe even write a story. But for the most part, write down all his thoughts that he was having that he just didn’t know how to bring up to the rest of his family. Who sadly understood him so poorly, it was making him crazy. “ You teach has been telling me you really are enjoying the writing parts of your work, and that you help Austin with your little projects if he has trouble.  You boys are just too cute, and so smart, too. Austin’s paper ghost from Halloween was really adorable. ” She paused though when she went to talk about Nathan’s. Swallowing she had not yet been able to talk about Nathan’s Halloween ghost.

Nathan had used an excessive amount of red and black colors on his. And his teacher had even phoned her over some concerns about other pieces of art Nathan had drawn in class. They had apparently bordered on the line of ’ disturbing’. The teacher was concerned something was wrong at home. The boys mother had spent quite some time after proving that life at home was very normal, and that she had no idea why it was that Nathan had been drawing such macabre images.

With a sneeze, Nathan seemed to pull his mothers attention back to him  "Oh, are you getting a cold?“  She asked, only for Nathan to shake his head and continue playing with some of his and Austin’s new toys. She smiled and played with his hair for a moment ” Well, if you start to feel bad say something. I don’t want what happened the last time to happen again. I think the couch still smells like vomit.“ Giving a nervous smile she stood up and stood up from the floor where they were sitting and went to go make lunch.

Curled up in his bed, his arms and legs were wrapped around his blanket as he was deep asleep.  He twitched a little, his mind filling with horrible images that he could not understand the reason behind. Sniffling, he twists his head, crying out a bit as his dream conjured up monsters. When something suddenly shook him his eyes open and he let out a small cry, pulling away from the face that was right in his face. His eyes shot around, his mind lost as to whether this was real or still a dream before he relaxed a bit as he realized he was home, safe in his bed. Closing his eyes then he started to drift off back to sleep, before hearing Austin’s  voice. His eyes open again, looking tiredly at his twin.  Blinking slowly he listen to what the other had to say to him, asking if he was alright.

Nathan curled up and moved closer to the edge of the bed ” Yeah, monsters again. “ He answered the other, tiredly. Bringing a hand up to his forehead, which was covered in sweaty hair, he let’s out a small sigh and shakes his head, though this only made him feel sick.  He had been feeling weak a lot more frequently. As Austin continued talking to him, he just slowly nodded before suddenly starting to drift off back to sleep again.

A few months after this Nathan was out with his brother and father while his mother was out of town to visit with her family several states away. The kids could not miss school and Nathan had been running a fever the days before she left. Though currently his father had him and Austin outside doing 'men things’ as he liked to put it. Nathan was not really interested in learning anything on the agenda. With a yawn he followed slowly after his quickly moving father, and Austin ” I feel bad.“ He muttered as he was walking. They had been outside for hours, their father being as strict as he was, would not be happy until his sons had done exactly as he had instructed.

As the older Douglas picked up Austin and continued walking, he shouted back at Nathan ” Hurry up, Nathan, or you are going to get lost. “ Nathan thought he could hear the excitement at that idea of his being lost, in the others tone ” Coming!“ He shouted after, trying to pick up his pace. He was annoyed by the other carrying Austin and not him. But he tried to ignore this feeling, and shoved that down with all the other things he had ever suppressed. But somehow, through all the tree’s he had started losing ground between him and his brother and father ” Wait up!“  He stopped though when he caught site of a cat picking at the body of a bird.

At the sigh of blood his eyes widened a little bit, his interests peaking. Losing all his interest in hanging out with Austin or his father right then he starts to make his way over to the bird’s body and crouched down next to it and the cat, which hissed at him before taking off.  Nathan had no idea what he had been feeling just then. Reaching over he wondered if he should touch it, then pulled his hand back toward himself, a sharp pain hitting  him in the chest. Tilting his head he closed his eyes as the feeling swelled over him. He didn’t like it, at all.  It was such a weird feeling. Feeling angry then as he continued to feel odd, he stood and started to walk away when his father suddenly showed up, Austin following behind.

” Were you playing with a dead bird?! That’s disgusting, Nathan!“  The older male stomped over and grabbed Nathan by the wrist, yanking him away from the bird. Nathan didn’t know what to say to the other. He just stuttered nervously before shutting up ” There’s seriously something wrong with you, I swear.“ ” -I-I I-It was w-w-was I- I di-d-di- “ He yanked after the other, Nathan stumbled ” O-Owww!  Stop pulling so hard!“ Nathan shouted before being jerked toward the other, and made to stand in front of him.

” You are a freak, you know that. That’s what it is, a creepy kid. What’s next, are you going to start killing the neighborhood cats? You going to go after Grieg’s Shiatsu? “ The older male gave Nathan a disgusted look, before standing up and  continued to walk the boys back to the car. Nathan was crying as quietly as he could the entire rest of the trip to the car. His left hand rubbing against his eyes as tears continued to build up in his eyes and spill out onto his cheeks.

He did not stop sniffling the entire car ride home, either.  It was one of the rare moments that he had ever actually gotten so physically upset in front of his family, in a long time. But his fathers words had stung deeply and he just could not hold back on all the things he’d been trying to ignore, so the lid on his emotions had opened a little, and he was now feeling a whole lot more than he could of prepared for. #Self Post

nathan-douglas Nathan  rolled over in his bed, the morning sunlight casting over his face through the curtain that covered the window of his and Austin’s room. He had been been moved from his room so that his parents could use it for the new baby. Which was fine, because he could still remember when Austin and him still shared the same room before. As thoughts started to fill his mind as he was beginning to wake up, Nathan curled up in under the warm blankets “ Mmm.”  He felt so comfortable he did not want to get up. But his stomach let out a growl. With a small sigh he reluctantly opened his eyes. Looking around the room he slowly begins to push himself up, dark black hair had matted up on one side of his head over the night. Letting out a cute little yawn he starts to shuffle off the bed, hesitantly placing one foot on the ground before the other.

Stretching then, he yawns again, walking over to Austin’s side of the room. Dropping down onto the floor he stared at the other, sleeping heavily still. He could of sworn Austin would probably sleep through a hurricane if he could “ Austin, are you awake yet?” He asked, then after waiting a few minutes with no response he stood and started to stretch his arms out, making his way across the room “  I will eat all the cereal without you, hah.” Walking over to the door he pulls it open and steps out into the hallway. Looking around he realized he didn’t hear his parents. Maybe it was earlier than he thought.

But this did not last long as he started to hear their voices drifting up from the first floor of the house. With one more yawn he makes his way toward the staircase, grabbing onto the banister he made his way cautiously down the stairs and then turned walking toward the kitchen.  As he entered his parents did not stop their chat, or take much notice of him at all. They seemed really invested in their current conversation. But after seeing Nathan struggling to pick up the container of orange juice his mother made her way over, still carrying on with talking to her husband as she brought the small cup closer to Nathan and started to pour his drink. Grabbing up the cup with both hands he lifts the cup up to take a drink, he felt slightly irritated that she did not let him do it by himself, how else would he learn?

Placing the cup down after a moment he turned his attention back over to the two, they were talking about the baby and money, things he did not really care about. Kicking his feet he heard his stomach growl again, but his mother nor his father seemed to be concerned about it. So sliding out of the chair he had climbed into before, Nathan makes his way over to the counter and starts to climb on top of it. His parents had exited the room by then, talking about more things he just was not interested in.  Pulling the cabinet door open he pulls out the only box of cereal and turns away. Dropping down onto the counter he puts his hand in the box and starts eating all the marshmallows inside.

Some minutes later his mother finally came back in and walked over toward him, lifting him up and putting him on her him, one hand keeping him from falling out of her hold, the other reaching into the cabinet and pulling a bowl down. She moved over and placed the bowl on the table as Nathan’s father walked back into the room, chastising her for carrying him around like a baby, despite how far along she was in her pregnancy.  Which his mother said she was fine and continued, closing the cabinet door and opening a drawer next, pulling out a spoon. Placing the spoon in the bowl she then reached up to grab the box out of his hand and placed him in the chair next to the bowl.

Nathan kicked his feet and watched as his mother poured the cereal into the bawl and then leaned forward as she moved away, toward the refrigerator. #Self Post

nathan-douglas The Douglas’ had decide to visit the park for the day, Nathan’s father had been throwing a baseball back and forth between him and Austin, teaching them how to play the game. Nathan had quickly became extremely bored  “I wanna go home, I want to color and watch cartoons. Daaaad.” His eyes drifted to one side, becoming distracted by the insects fluttering around in the park as his father tried convincing him about how fun baseball was. Nathan just couldn’t be bothered to tune in, his eyes following a butterfly  as it fluttered over his head “ Hmm, what kind are you…” Pulling his hand out of the baseball glove he lifted it up, hoping the butterfly would not fly away from him.

“Nathan, your turn!” It was actually Austins, his father spiked the ball directly at him, the ball smacking right into Nathans forehead, sending him to the ground screeching in pain a moment later, his hands cupping over his forehead as he rolled in the grass. His father rushed over, lifting him up “I told you to keep your eye on the ball, Nathan. What the hell? God damn it, you always have to ruin everything, don’t you?” Lifting Nathan up as he continued crying bloody murder, a few other parents stopped to ask if he was okay “He’s fine, just took a baseball to the face after getting distracted.”

After getting both Austin and Nathan in the car their father started to head toward the hospital. Nathan could only remember small fragments of time between the park and the trip to the hospital. His head lulled a bit, and he had stopped crying and was beginning to feel tired, despite not really having done anything at all the entire time at the park. Passing out for a second he felt his father shaking him “Hey, don’t do that, don’t go to sleep, okay?”

Before Nathan knew entirely what was going on he had been getting a CAT scan and his head taken care of, while his father explained the entire situation to the doctor present. Usually it was one of the other kids who had to be taken to the hospital for something minor. Nathan was not exactly innocent in some of those visits, either.  But this time it was him, and it was weird, he did not being in his current condition. The pain that was erupting through his head made him feel weird. It had also made him feel dizzy, and sick. Each time a nurse would touch his head he let out a scream as pain hit him, but it didn’t last for too long as it subsided into something more pleasant.

Now he had obviously hurt himself before, but had never been hurt like this. And nothing had ever felt like this.  It gave him the same rush as the time he hit Austin in the gut with a foam baseball bat some years earlier. He did not feel sorry for hurting the other, not really. He wanted to, but he just couldn’t get over this giddy feeling that overcame him watching the other curl up and cry. Since then, it had not change. Austin would hurt himself, Nathan would enjoy it. If Nathan hurt him, he enjoyed it. Now, he did not always try to hurt Austin. It just came to happen some times. Mostly when Austin had made him so angry he could not even control himself.

It was usually Austin who had always gotten the worst of it, in a fight. Nathan would black out and just wail on the other until he was exhausted or forcibly removed by a parent.  Then came the process of trying to calm him down. His father had found that the best remedy to his ‘tantrums’ was to throw him into a closet and let him rage in there till he passed out entirely, after receiving several scratches and bites from Nathan.

His parents had tried hard not to hit him back. Even if his father was a little rough around the edges, he was still worried about Nathan as he paced in the waiting room. He just had become frustrated over never being able to connect with Nathan, and this lead to him to be a bit callous toward Nathan. After a few moments Nathan’s mother came in, Bethany on her hip and looked around “You threw a baseball at him? At his head?! Are you insane?”  She questioned walking over as a doctor started walking toward them “I -I didn’t mean to hit him in the head, he wasn’t paying any attention to me- Us.”

“Look, I don’t care right now. We’ll talk about it later, after we figure out if he has brain damage or not.  You know- you can be nicer to him. Maybe he would pay more attention to you.”  The doctor had informed the pair of what was going on. The kid’s mother could not believe she had married someone so childish. But she brushed this off at the moment as her main concern had become Nathan. The doctor had informed them that Nathan’s skull fractured from the force of the ball.  He went on to tell them that the fracture was not as bad as it could have been, but that they would like to keep him over night and do more tests.

It was not until a few days later that Nathan was actually well enough to go home. His mother went to pick him up, and take him home. Austin was not around by the time Nathan and his mother got home.  He had to take it easy, and his mother had no intention of causing Nathan any more pain. His father had been at work as Nathan’s mother walked into the house holding him against her hip, one hand gently hovering behind his head and her other arm keeping him held up. Nathan was asleep by then, the painkillers the doctor had prescribed knocking him out.

For the next day an a half Nathan remained in bed, a bruise around the upper part of his head and around his eyes and on the bridge of his nose. He winced a bit as he moved his head #Self Post

nathan-douglas To be honest, Nathan was at first, happy to have a little sister. Well, not exactly happy. He really never felt that, or at least he couldn’t recognize it. Even though he was still very young. Because now he did have to feel uncomfortable about asking for a doll or something else his father thought was too girly for him or Austin to be associated with. His mother hardly ever put up any kind of fight with the their father. Nathan hated having to play some games that Austin really had seemed to enjoy. The only fun part about it was the interaction with Austin. But other than that he never really enjoyed learning how to play baseball, or basketball, or anything else their father would throw at his sons.

After a while, their father had picked up on this, from Nathan. And soon he started pointing out things that he would deem ‘girlish’ about him. But Nathan ignored it, for the most part. He did not care about what the other said to him, he was only a few years old, when it started. And other than the occasional sniffle alone, Nathan coped. Not that he had much alone time in the first place. But when Bethany was born, something struck him as a little odd. Nathan had thought their father would have been unhappy ’ Great, a girl in the family’. But the older mans reaction was something different entirely.

Nathan had brushed it off and for the next two years their father was not as hard on him about certain things. He still had been upset when Nathan reject the offer to go out and play some game with him and Austin. Nathan was not completely against sports, of course, or any other activity their father had offered. He happened to realize that he was just against his father. Every interaction had always left him feeling empty. The man had made him feel like nothing, every time he would talk to Nathan, and praise Austin for his skill. Nathan had been there to have fun, not be better than anyone.

“Okay! Bee, Mrs. Glip was cheated on by her hoosbend.  Can you say that, Mrs. Glip?” He asked, sipping from the invisible tea as he watched the toddler across from him garble for a moment and then sloppily sip from her own tea-cup.

Nathan laughed a little bit at that and looked away, covering his mouth. But when Bethany shriek a shrill little 'No’ at him he cleared his throat and smiled a bit “ Oh, riiight. Imma noble prince, I can not laugh at my sister, what would the rest of the court think of me.” Reaching over he takes a cookie from the plate, his mother had delivered them just a few minutes ago “Did you know that the bakers husband is a bast-” He was cut off when a door slammed somewhere. Letting out a sigh, Nathan set the cookie down “-tard.” Bethany didn’t get what he was saying, so obviously did not respond.

Another door slammed, making Nathan flinch “Our tea party is about to get soured up.” He mumbled in a low squeaky voice.

“Stop slamming the doors, he’s playing with Bethany, what is your problem? Austin and you can are perfectly capable of going by yourselves.”

“But a tea party? Do you realize how gay that is?  What little boy has a tea party with a toddler? He should be out scraping his knees and getting covered in dirt. Be more like Austin. This is because you coddle him, you know. He is becoming a pussy.”

There was those words again, he guessed he was supposed to feel offended. But he did not really get what they meant, enough, to actually know. The only thing he did get was that his father used it to try to hurt his feelings. He could tell by the others tone, more than anything, when things like that were spat at him. The door to Bethany’s room opened then, his father stepping in “Come here, Nathan.” Walking over the older Douglas lifted Nathan up from where he was sitting, before walking out of the room.

Nathan had known not to fight with his father, he was small and the other was bigger. So, despite his uncomfortable-ness and unwillingness to be with the other, he didn’t put up a fight when the other forcibly tried to drag him into their adventures. Dully he just laid his head on the others shoulder, wrapping his arms around the mans neck as they step by his mother and moved down the staircase.

“Just stop, he doesn’t want to go with you, you are scaring him.” Scared perhaps was not the right way to put it. Extremely annoyed was more in the ball park of what he was feeling. He was having a nice afternoon playing pretend with Bethany, why did their father have to ruin it. At least he would not be completely left alone with their father, Austin was obviously going to be there. But at what cost, all Austin was a buffer.  Austin may have liked sports, may have been decent at them, but that didn’t make Nathan worse. All Nathan’s problem was, was that he had no interest in it.

“I don’t care, he’s my son, and he’s going to do what I tell him to do.  You can’t baby him forever. He needs to use his talents. Maybe he can be a boxer, they’ll never suspect his left hook.” Rolling his eyes, Nathan hated that. Out of all the things his father wanted him to attempt to be, a boxer was high up on the list. If only because Nathan was left-handed, the one unique thing that made him different from Austin, or well, special to their father, he guessed. As his mother made a snide comment toward his father, the older male turned around suddenly and started to snap and throw comments about her, out.

As they were shouting at one another, Nathan just started to zone out. He was surprisingly very good at this. Any feeling at all had long been numb to most things, especially these sorts of fights. He knew they would not remain angry with one another for too long. emotionless his eyes shift to one side and he lets out a small sigh. Moving his left hand up he takes another bite out of the cookie, still in his hand, and choose slowly as he waits for his mother to give up trying to convince his father to just leave him alone, it was a battle she always lost. He had just finished shuffling the last of the cookie into the his mouth as his father decided that had been the perfect time to just leave and not continue the argument with his mother.

Being placed in the car next to Austin, a seat belt angrily moved over him and clicking into place before the door slammed and their father walked to the driver’s side. Once the car was going Nathan looked over at Austin “ I got a cookie and you did not.” He smiled, then bites on his tongue, at the other boy, his nose curling a little bit. He enjoyed teasing Austin, it was fun to watch the others reaction to it each time. Then he made a face and started to dig into his pocket, pulling out a small funsized piece of Halloween candy he had not eaten earlier that day “Here.”He put on a smile for the other and then looked away, staring out of the car window. #Self Post

nathan-douglas

Blinking, Nathan sat across from one of his therapists as they blathered on and on about his medications and his recent behavioral problems. Which weren’t exactly very recent, Nathan had been having a lot of problems for several years now. He hated the hospital, and he hated the people in it. Dazed, his gaze drops to the floor as the therapist continued on “ Whatever.”  Nathan muttered. He watched the new doses being held out toward him and grumbled as he quickly snatched the paper cup out of his therapists hands and picked out one pill after the next, swallowing them with a swig of water from a plastic cup.

“That’s good, Nathan. Now we will meet in a couple of days, try not to hurt anymore kids while I’m gone. You should be making friends with the other children, you are going to be with them for a very long time, at this rate.” Nathan suddenly stood up, at eleven years old he was quite a force of raw rage. The therapist jumped at his suddenness. Already having been a victim of one of his outburst a year earlier, that left a scar on the side of their neck.  Nathan smirked cutely at his therapist “ Why of course!  I will make sure to be…friend, with them.” Turning away from the therapist he crushed the paper cup still in his hand and threw it onto the ground. Strands of long black hair falling over his face as his nurse walked over and grabbed him by the wrist. Nathan was one of shorter  and thinner boys in the elevens group, so most of the staff could easily push him around, as well as some of the other boys in his group. The one thing that set Nathan in top tier was his anger. Something he had been relying on since arriving in the ward years earlier to claim is dominance.

As his nurse jerked him out into the hallway, complaining about his littering, Nathan purposely walked slowly after her, forcing her to have to practically drag him toward the common room.  As she finally got him there she shoved him toward the group of other children and called him a bastard before turning away to go join the rest of the nurses watching the children. Nathan slowly walked toward a group of kid, cold black eyes shifting from one face to another “ What the hell aar-”

“ Nathan, no cussing!”

“ What are you guys doing?”  Taking a seat in an empty chair, he watched a girl around his age coloring in some coloring book “ OH! I know that cartoon! ” He points, making the other girl look up. Nathan smiled at her, showing his teeth. The girl hadn’t been in the ward long, and as far as Nathan understood she was in their for something minor. Moving a hand out he takes a few crayons out of pile of crayons in the center of the table, before reaching over to grab a blank sheet of paper “ Yeah me and my brother and sister used to watch it.”  He went on, picking up a black crayon. The girl continued to color but looked up at him as he spoke, before grinning. Nathan smiled lightly back at her and tilts his head.

Dropping his head down, the ends of his hair brushing against the paper as he takes the crayon in his left hand and starts to trace some stick figures onto his blank sheet “ Bethany does this cute impression of that guy.”  He pointed, then blinked “ Did?” He thought, wondering what the correct way to say that had actually been, now, that he was here, and his brother and sister were not. Tapping the crayon on the paper  as he tried not to get too upset about those memories. Nathan swallowed the lump attempting to form in his throat “ She was only two, it was real good.” Dropping the black crayon down he picked up a purple crayon and started to color in an outfit on one of the stick figures.

Nathan looked over as one of the other boys commented on the cartoon, and laughed “ Well, my favorite character  was always Wakko. He is sooo funny.” A few of the kids agreed and the girl coloring in the coloring book blushed a little, embarrassed by the attention her book brought toward her. Nathan held up his right hand and shrugged his shoulder “ So, did your mom get you that?  My birthday was today. Maybe this year my moms going to get me something.” He paused, thinking it over. He had had a few birthdays already inside the ward. But he didn’t exactly seem to be getting anything. He expected a visit from his mother at some point, which is why that had given his pills minutes ago “ She doesn’t seem to like coming here.”

Dropping his hand back on the table he continued to color as a few voices rose above the other softer voices at the table. Rolling his eyes as he recognized the voice, he turned his head head to look over at the other boy as they walked over, a few more boys trailing behind him “ Gage, it is always so fun to hear you voice. Gets me all excited!”  He squeaked making a silly face at the other boy. Nathan hated Gage, the other boy was loud and always trying to start stuff with someone. A lot of the times this ended up being with Nathan, the elder boy had a problem with Nathan’s ‘girly’ look, it seemed. As they pointed out how his hair was too long he smiled “ It is not long enough!”  He shouted out defiantly.

Lifting his hand up, he runs it through his hair, shifting the majority of it from the right side, to the left, letting the ends curl in to around his face, and a few stray strands messily curl out from his face. As Gage moved closer Nathan frowned, not liking the proximity breach “ Are you really going to do this again?” “ Just call it a birthday present from me, since your own bitch ass parents don’t ever get you shit!”

Nathan pushed himself from the chair and tackled the other boy to the ground, anger spilling over  " You do not know anything about my parents.“ Nathan hissed, pressing his hand against Gage’s neck, his eyes widening as he tilts his head down toward the other ” Say something about them again and I will fucking bite your throat out.“  Baring his teeth he dropped his head closer toward the others neck, before getting a foot in his side, making him drop to the side as one of the other boys that moved over with Gage stepped on his left arm, keeping him pinned.  The kids that were around them moving out of the way as Gage shouted at one of his other lackey’s to help.

Pulling on his arm Nathan twisted around, pushing himself up and sending a foot into one of the boys jaws, kicking them away from him, which ended in his arm being freed. After  that several other children in the ward began to argue and fight with one another. Nathan hadn’t been paying attention as he stepped back from Gage who had tried to punch him. Stumbling back into a chair Nathan flipped over it and kicked the chair into Gage before making his way into the crowd of children only to have someone jump onto his back, sending him to the ground. Squirming, Nathan  started punching a kid in the head who had sunk their teeth into his shoulder ” GET OFF!“

A moment later the group of kids around them started to disburse, a couple of nurses rounding them up and sending them off  to be calmed down. As they reached Nathan, one of the nurses shouted at the boy on top of him, and then suddenly yanked them off, not noticing that that kid had locked their teeth firmly onto Nathan’s shoulder. Blood spilled out of the gaping wound left behind. Nathan pushed himself up before the nurses started to return to him. His hand moving toward his shoulder as he started to walk away.

"You’re dead!” Gage shouted as he stepped into Nathan’s path.

Smirking, Nathan stopped and straightened his spine, rolling his shoulders as Gage took a run toward him. The world seemed to slow for a moment as his eyes shift for a moment, calculating. As Gage neared him he suddenly took a step to the side, Gage was attempting to tackle him at the time, missing Nathan completely he ended up on the floor. Nathan stood to one side for a moment, blood dripping off his finger tips as his mind tried to catch up with what just happened. Slowly blinking, he turns to grab a chair that had been against the wall nearby. Dragging it over toward the Gage as they were sitting up, Nathan lifted the chair up and suddenly smashed it into the side of Gage’s body.  As Gage crumpled to the ground, Nathan lifted the chair back up and smashed it down on the other, sending a spray of blood bursting over his face and chest “ Who has the ugly hair now?!” Nathan shouts, a manic look in his eyes as he moved to lift the chair up again.

But before he could bring the chair down again several arms grabbed onto him and the chair was yanked from his hands and tossed away as he was being pulled from Gage’s unconscious body “ You are going to be ugly for the rest of your fucking life! Suck that fuck! You bitch!” Letting out a sadistic laugh, his mouth lingering open as he clicked his tongue “ Red looks good on you, Gage!”  He tried to break away from the hands tugging on him and get back to where Gage was “Your bitch whore of a mother won’t even recognize you, THEN, who will have nothing for their birthday?! HUH!?” Being tossed to the ground, a needle was stabbed into his neck as one of the staff kept his hands bound against his back. Post

nathan-douglas Nico (Cameron Monaghan) Dissociate Identity Disorder Antisocial Personality Disorder Psychosis Physically abusive Psychopathic Intermittent Explosive Disorder Musically Gifted Manipulative Very intelligent Is actually the worst patient in his age group Was sent into a special care ward for 2 years Nathan’s ‘best friend’/ Romantic Companion Hates Tasmin and Nathan’s relationship Wants to murder Breccan Prescott, just because, but also backs Nathan’s need to get Justice for Tasmins murder. Thinking it will bring him closer to Nathan. Was only released from the special care ward a few months before Tasmin and Nathan’s murders. Hasn’t figured out how Breccan is involved and is extremely pissed off at Nathan for committing suicide, because of Tasmin, of all people. First met Nathan when Nathan was 8, Nico was 9. Is a from a well off, and well-known family in the town. May be a child out-of-wedlock/through cheating Mother died when he was 6 'mysteriously’ ( Nico murdered her in her sleep, after a fit of rage and some per-meditation) Obsessed with Nathan ( slight OCD about him)/ MUST control him, finds exhilaration from controlling the others actions.

Is a Sadist/UTP

Victor (Ezra Miller) Narcissistic Personality Disorder Brief psychotic disorder Delusional disorder Intermittent Explosive Disorder Paranoid personality disorder Sociopath Emotionally abusive Physically abusive Murder(er/ous) Not very intelligent. Histrionic Personality Disorder First met Nathan after being convicted of being mentally insane after he murdered Mackenzie Is a friend of Nathan’s Murdered Mackenzie, The Mayors Daughter

Is Heterosexual

Nathan Anger Management Issues Intermittent Explosive Disorder Histrionic Personality Disorder Psychological stress Psycho-spiritual stress Psycho-social stress Panic Disorder Shared psychotic disorder Adjustment disorder Catatonia Reactive attachment disorder Not very attached to any one person in the ward, just trying to get by. Considered Nico, Victor and a few others temporary companions. Doesn’t want anything to do with them otherwise. Once he is far away from them to realize how just how insane and horrible they both are. Intentionally has himself placed into Solitary Confinement in order to some how rationalize with himself on his relationships, as well as other things. Might have slight hysteria because of these isolation moments Is a bit claustrophobic because of the great amounts of isolation Is a bit anti-social also because of time spent in isolation. Suicidal Sadomasochistic Dependent Personality Disorder Borderline Personality Disorder

Brysen (Tequan Richmond) Ward/Nurse Assistant College Student Plans on becoming a Psychologist Not very good as an assistant, constantly lazy and buddy-buddy with patients or mishandled them during an episodes do to ineptitude. One of the few who actually brings things that are 'not allowed’ into the wards. Is being used by Nico. He admires Breccan Prescott. Extremely Naive/'Innocent’ Comes from a poor family

Is Bisexual Post

nathan-douglas Nathan winced a bit at the doctor that was applying his cast. His arm had been broken in three different places and his shoulder had been dislocated. There were also bruises and scraps on his legs and left arm. A nurse from the ward was standing behind him as the doctor worked. Nathan looked over his shoulder at the woman who only gave him a smile and quickly turned her attention back to the doctor, as they were carrying on a conversation. Nathan kicked his feet a bit, before moving them up and sitting lotus style on the stretcher he’d been placed on “It does not hurt.” The doctor laughed at the boy and shook his head.

“That’s because of the painkillers.”

Nodding his head, he didn’t know anything about whatever that was but he also didn’t want to continue talking about it. Bringing his eyes toward his right arm he just watched the doctors work deep brown eyes zoning out after a moment as Nathan went off into his own little world. All the while the nurse and doctor went on with their own conversation.

“Nathan!”

His eyes shot over toward the door as a woman appeared in it “Mom!” He exclaimed as the woman walked over and cupped his face in her hands. Nathan swallowed as a pinch of sadness struck him over his mother’s affection. She turned her eyes to his arm then, and then to the doctor before looking at the nurse.

“How did this happen? I thought he was going to be safe. He’s only been there six months and now he has a broken arm!”

Nathan opened his mouth to answer his mother’s question “He-” But was suddenly cut off by a new voice. Freezing, Nathan felt his words fall away from his mind and his mouth dried up. His eyes shift toward the door as Mr. Prescott walked into the room and moved over to stand behind him, staring at his mother as she stood up.

“A boy at the ward took something from Nathan. Nathan then attacked the other child viciously, he had become completely inconsolable and started to behave destructively, kicking and punching anything in his path. Before clumsily knocking over one of the shelves onto him. Even then he couldn’t be calmed down, making his injuries more sever.”

“You just let him have a meltdown and hurt himself?  Mr. Prescott, Nathan has never done anything like that before. He-”

“Mrs. Douglas, Nathan is unwell, he’s not adjusting well to the treatments so far. This is typical of children his age to have reactions like this when placed in a new and stressful environment.”

Nathan finally found his voice then and started to protest Prescott “Nu uh! I was-” Prescott’s hand moved to his left shoulder then. Nathan’s words dropped from his mind again “I-i …” His body started to grow cold. He wanted to talk but it was like something had a vice grip on his ability to do so the moment Prescott’s hand made contact.

Mrs. Douglas shot Prescott a glare “Well I am sorry, but Nathan has never had this issue before. I don’t like him being in there with children that are more dangerous-”

“Mrs. Douglas, your son tried to kill your daughter.  He is in the ward to be helped, if you remember our previous conversations, with your husband. Nathan is just as dangerous as the other children he is with. And we try our best to keep conflicts from arising. But there are times when we can’t do that.”

The Doctor continued to work on putting Nathan’s cast on, not wanting to be involved. The nurse on the other hand decided to step in and help Prescott at that moment on the other hand “This isn’t the first incident we’ve had with him, just the most severe. He has thrown things at other children. And almost bit one of the staff while they were trying to help him with his school work.”

“Mrs. Douglas, I know you want to help your son, and have him be safe. But Nathan is dangerous. If you stop letting us help him he could end up hurting or killing your other children.   It has happened before with children like Nathan being taken out of places that could help them, and these children going on to do something horrible. As a mother you are allowing your love for him cloud your judgment. Keeping him in the ward is the only way Nathan is going to understand himself, and maybe one day even rejoin the rest society.”

Nathan listen to them talk, still unable to do anything but let out a squeak in an attempt to protest, but couldn’t find it in him. His heart was slamming against his rib cage. He looked at his mother, who was looking at him. She smiled and leaned down, placing a kiss on his forehead.

“Nathan, you promise me, promise that you won’t hurt anyone again. I want you to come home soon.”

Her eyes moved to look at his right arm then, she looked angry for a moment before looking away “Despite what my husband thinks, Nathan is still our son. He belongs at home, and you better make damn sure he comes home sooner rather than later. He’s not going to end up like one of those depraved patients you keep locked in the other ward.” Her hand caressed the side of Nathan’s head gently, before she leaned back down and grabbing Nathan’s jaw, making him look at her “I’ll see you in a few weeks, I promise.” After that she turned away and walked from the room, giving him one last glance before disappearing somewhere into the hallway.

The hand on Nathan’s shoulder became tighter after his mother left “Nathan,  you should listen to your mother. She thinks she knows what’s best for you.” Mr. Prescott’s voice cut in, making Nathan shiver.  The Nurse let out a sigh “Does she think she’s a psychologist? Her son is-” Prescott shushed the nurse before smiling at the doctor “Are you about finished then? Nathan needs to get to his treatments in forty minutes.” The doctor nods and tells the two that he needed five more minutes and then Nathan was theirs.

Soon enough the doctor lifts the boy off the stretcher and sets him on the ground. Nathan froze as Prescott walked over to him, the nurse following after and  eventually passing Prescott, stepping behind Nathan. Prescott waved for the two to follow him.  Nathan didn’t budge. The nurse looked down “Nathan, let’s go.” She hummed sweetly. Nathan shook his head. He didn’t want to go with Prescott. Prescott stopped to stare at Nathan for a moment, before crossing his arms over his chest “Just pick him up and carry him out. I see he’s going to be difficult today.”

The Nurse swooped down and grabbed up Nathan into her arms, pumping his right arm against her chest as she rose back up. Following after Prescott, who had started walking again, they both were in the hallway “Do they know you came here to talk to his mother?” Prescott glanced back over at her “Of course they do, they know how closely I am working with this boy. They trust his care to me.” The Nurse hesitated for a moment before nodding and continued following after Prescott. #Self #Breccan

His fingers tapped impatiently against the wooden table he was sitting at. Some childish movie was playing off on the other side of the room, something he had seen around a million times in his lifetime, already. It was beginning to be a point of irritation for him. Or had it already? Sucking in a deep breath he watched one of the other patients pace from one side of the room to the other, then looked to another who was sat in a chair next to him talking about something, to them self. Lifting his hand up he brought it down roughly on the table “Will you shut up. Aliens don’t exist. That was just a fucking movie!  There’s no way something could have acid for blood you fucking moron!” “Nathan! Tone.” A nurse shushed. Nathan quickly looked over to the nurse that was shushing him and made an immature face at her before waving her off.  His left leg began to bounce as the cartoon went on playing, the noise from the little kids in the movie were becoming more and more irritating the more he had to hear the damn movie play. It had been the sixteenth time this week, hadn’t it? That was way too many times. Lifting his hands up he dropped his head down, pressing his palms against the side of his head and let out a frustrated growl “Well, Tommy! If you had a better fucking Mother maybe you wouldn’t have a brother that you needed to be responsible for!” He shot back after a  minute more of the movie, before realizing he was probably irritated because the scene that was playing was one that always made his chest tighten up and hurt. He didn’t really understand the feeling. And this made him angry. Scratching into the table he hadn’t realized what he had been scratching until a nurse slapped his hand way from it “What in the hell do you think you are doing? I think it’s time you get those clipped, don’t you?” He grumbled before walking away, Nathan assumed to go talk to someone about doing that. Not that he couldn’t clip his own nails, he just wouldn’t and ever since he stabbed one of the nurses in the legs they didn’t want him near anything he could potentially use as a weapon. “You know what, Tommy, Dil is a shit brother. I’ll trade my brother in for you. At least I’ll get to see you fucking every god damn day, unlike my brother.”  Nathan laughed hollowly at his own stupidity before rolled his eyes. Narrowing them a moment later on one of the patients that sat in one of the empty chairs at the table he was sitting at Nathan listen to them before they reached over and jabbed at his arm “Don’t touch me.”  He warned before looking away. As he was ordered over by a nurse he was happy to go to them. Two hours later he was sitting in one of the comfy chairs in the common room, smoking a cigarette is left leg folded in toward his chest his right rest along the arm rest “Guys. Guys. Don’t be alarmed. But…I think. I think that Roger Rabbit, might be innocent. I don’t know, this is only the billionth fucking time I’ve seen this movie. But I really think I am on to something here.” He squint and pointed at the screen with his left hand before moving it back to take a drag from his cigarette. “I bet it was Christopher Lloyd’s character, a hundred cigarettes. Who’s game?” Some of the more stable patients just let out a groan and told him to shut up but a couple of others took him up on his bet. Which Nathan always found amusing, it was easy to manipulate too many of the patients in Demari he had grown to realize in the years he had spent in the institution and had not been kept separate from them like he was when he was much younger. Letting smoke billow out from his lips Nathan watched the movie for a moment longer before looking over to one of the therapists, she had red hair, that was the most interesting aspects about her if he had anything he could point to and go ‘That’s her’. As she smiled at him, he grinned back before glancing away “This bitch thinks she can read my mind.” Continuing to plaster on a smile he lift his hand up and waved at her. Then a moment later he pushed himself out of his chair and walked with a little bit of a skip toward the woman “Helllooo Therapist. Aren’t we looking Nice today.” He commented with a saddened look before looking at another patient that had been standing by and talking to her as well. Sniffling a little bit he felt his eyes watering “I haven’t seen you in so long. I thought something terrible may have happened. Do you not like me anymore.” The tears spilled over onto his face and he glanced away  “Sorry. I’m a little emotional today.” He choked up as she frowned at him, then reached over to rub his arm and asked if he needed to talk. Shaking his head he lift the back of his hand up to his face and rubbed it against his eyes “No. I’m–I’m fine. Don’t touch me.” She pulled her arm back and looked at the other patient then, asking how they were doing. Nathan watched the two interact for a moment before growing bored, he was about to stop acting like he cared about this interaction when she turned and asked if he was putting on weight. Narrowing his eyes for a moment he frowned “Uh, yeah. I think. But don’t you think that’s a little–” He swallowed, looking upset again “Insensitive to ask me? I’m having a hard time.”  He cried and again she frowned and asked if they had messed with his medication, because he seemed to be really emotional today. Not that she had never seen him emotional before, plenty of the staff thought they had. It was easy to act like like you were upset and producing tears had just seemed to make it more easily convincing. So Nathan had spent some time trying to perfect the act. He was of course fully medicated, and felt in no way particular, certainly not upset. But he thought it was an amusing show to see susceptible staff members pity him, as they seemed to pity a lot of them. Nathan hated that though, he hated that it made him feel like he was being treated like he were a child, or stupid, or incapable of outsmarting them. Pressing a finger to the middle of his glasses he pushed them back up into place “The nurse smacked me, and then he said he was going to make them cut my nails. I don’t want to, I don’t like it.” He confided in the woman. The conversation lasted another fifteen minutes before she told him she had to go and that she would talk to him proper in their next session which was in a few days. Nathan watched her go with a longing look before turning to the patient that had been hogging all the time with her and putting the cigarette out on their exposed flesh on their upper right arm “You’re annoying.” He muttered, cold black eyes locking onto theirs before he flicked the cigarette away and grabbed the side of their face raking his nails against their skin  “Do you really think she’ll ever have an interest in you?” Nathan laughed tauntingly before a nurse walked over and grabbed his arm and yanked him away from the other patient who had another nurse already at their side attending to the scratches on their face. “Seriously, they need to keep you in solitary.” The male nurse complained as he dragged Nathan away toward his room. Nathan let out a laugh his eyes not leaving the panicking patient that he had scarred up. He then giggled and looked toward the nurse that was yanking him out of the room “Please, do. I’m tired of looking at you fucking losers.” He was then lifted up and thrown into his room and told  that he would wait their until someone came to get him so they could cut his nails and that he would most likely be spending the next day by himself in solitary. Nathan sat on the floor and let out an eerie laugh before dropping back onto his back and grinning as he lift his right hand up to look at the red blood that was smeared at the tips of his fingers. I’ll make them all pay. I’ll burn this fucking place to the ground. Then I’ll hunt my family down. And I’ll gut them all like the worthless fucking wastes of space they fucking are. He thought dropping his right hand to his mouth and giggled as he ran his fingers along his lips. self past

17 years old, Halloween Staring at the blank sheet of paper in front of him on the table Nathan didn’t look at all too pleased. Some of the staff were abusive, sure. That was fine, actually, when compared to the more oblivious members of the hospital staff. Who thought things were just happening as usual as normal. Nathan had a feeling that a lot of the darker things happening in the hospital was not ‘typical mental hospital goings on’. But he had already spent so much time trying to point this out and all they ever did was give him more medicine, to shut him up. Watching the patients in the room with him going along with what they were being told to do, for the most part, Nathan could only stew. He hated pretending like he was still some little kid all the time. This is not what a seventeen year old should be doing. When he was younger he had other ideas for himself at this time in his life. But that all got pissed away because of his fathers moronic paranoia. As the nurse, Anwen, made her way toward him he narrowed his eyes on her. Her cheery appearance always made him annoyed. Anyone who walked around this hospital looking that happy had to be up to some fucked up shit, as far as Nathan had been concerned.  When she made it over to his table she spoke to the other patients sitting with him, asking how they were doing before looking at Nathan, the smile not dropping  “Nathan,  you haven’t even touched yours.  Don’t you want to draw anything? Come on. I know you have to have something spooky for me.” She tapped the paper “Maybe it’ll help cheer you up? You look so down and angry today.” “This is stupid. I don’t want to do this.” Nathan hissed in response dropping back into his chair and crossing his arms “I want to be out there! I want to go to a real Halloween party. Not this shit!  This, is fucking childish!”  Leaning in he lift his left hand up before slamming it on the table “Stop treating everyone of us the same! —” As one of the other patients at his table told him to shut up and just participate he looked over “Fuck you! You want to make macaroni’s god damn monsters, more power to you. I am tired of this!” Anwen let out a breath and held up her hands “Okay, Nathan. I understand. But there’s no one else here in your age group. Right now.  And you aren’t allowed out of the hospital. So I am sorry, but you are just going to have to do this or do nothing.” Nathan rolled his jaw and stood up, glaring at the head nurse. Getting in her face for a moment they both had a sort of staring contest before he moved and grabbed some glue from the center of the table. Untwisting the top he poured some of the glue into his hands and then started tracing out some words on a few pieces of paper that he swabbed the glue on. Finishing up he slammed his hands on either side of his now stuck together pieces of paper, which he had taped together near the end. Lifting up some macaroni and red glitter he started to pour them onto the pages and then finishing he lift the project up and showed it to Anwen, who had been waiting patiently. Her mouth dropped open as she read what he had put on the blank sheets of paper and she looked at Nathan, looking a little hurt before looking back at the paper “That’s horrible, you don’t have to be so terrible to me. I’m just trying to help you.” Throwing the paper at the floor Nathan turned and walked out of the common room “I’m going to my fucking room for the rest of the night.  I’m done with this.” 1 MONTH AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  PAST  HOSPITAL   Home Invasion Poking his head out from a line of bushes and glaring at a house, Nathan grinned before ducking down closer to the hedge as a man came walking out of the house. He watched them for a moment, eyes narrowing on them as they moved toward a car.  Seeing his father walk so carelessly along was an irritation. As if they were unaware of the Hell they had put him in. The pain he has suffered from their selfishness. Nathan bit down on his bottom lip as he continued to watch. The others appearance telling Nathan nothing more but that the other was unrepentant. They had all seemed so happy with themselves. Their lives had gone so smoothly, without him. He was easy to forget. Reaching up his hands to lean onto the bush Nathan seethed lightly under his breath as he watched Robert get into his car and pull out of the drive and off down the street away from him. Nathan was going to make him pay. There had been no other decision for him.  Watching the house for a moment more before he pulled away from the bush and started to walk only for someone to call out. “Austin! Hey, what are you doing? Why are you hiding behind that bush?” Turning toward the older woman Nathan gave her his best Austin smile and shifted “ Ah. I was just looking for something that fell over this way.” The woman stared for a moment before nodding “Well it was nice seeing you.” Then she moved to continue about her business. Nathan turned back toward the sidewalk and started to move again. Walking up to the front door he lift a hand up and pressed it to the center of the door. Closing his eyes he let out a breathe before scratching his nails agitatedly down the door, anger bubbling up inside of him. His eyes opened just enough to stare angrily at it for a moment before he moved and walked away moving around the side of the house. The door opened just a few seconds after he walked out of sight from anyone who had opened it, revealing a older woman who looked around before frowning at seeing no one on her doorstep. Stepping back she went to close the door, turning her body to face it she noticed scratch marks in the paint that clearly hadn’t been there the last time she had looked at the door. Muttering something about a paint job she moved back into the house and closed the door. Reaching the back door Nathan was looking over the houses exterior, looking for weaknesses in it. He wanted to make sure that when he set his plan in motion, that the day of the executions would be easy and none of his victims would be able to escape. Lifting up his hand he placed it on a windows frame. He was going to nail those shut, except for the route he would choose to escape for himself. As he would still have more business to attend to after the bloodbath he planned at this house. He had to take care of those who tortured him at the hospital, mostly, he was going to make sure he took care of Breccan. All these months of preparations and setting up for both sites was something he was paying most of his focus to.  He wanted to make sure his plans went off with minimal issue. Scratching a fingernail against the wooden frame he stood for a moment before looking at the sky. Around this time he figured that Bethany and Austin were out and about being busy with the lives they were allowed to fulfill. Grace also would be out. So that left one person he did not know the schedule of, his mother. Who he hadn’t seen about in the last few days he had been watching the house. Moving to the backdoor though he started to pick the lock hearing it click a moment later as it unlocked. Gripping onto the doorknob he slowly and quietly opened it before sneaking inside and closing the door behind him just as quietly.  He could hear someone moving around and a tv on. Listening closely he continued to sneak around the kitchen looking for something to deal with that person who remained in the house. Finding something blunt he pulled it from it’s spot and continued to creep toward the sounds of someone moving around, seemingly doing household chores. At least he could only guess that’s what his mother was doing.  He didn’t want to have to hit her at the moment, as it wasn’t the time. But he didn’t want her to see him. Today had been the perfect day for him to inspect the inside of the house finally, to learn the layout of the structure in case of incident. Walking down a hallway stealthily Nathan pressed against the wall to minimize her ability to see him. He knew he was getting closer to her and after a moment she walked passed the end of the hallway. His eyes flicked after her. A moment of pause came over him as a sudden feeling struck him, making him confused. His eyes widened as he thought over his actions up until now. But he steeled himself after another second and continued on his path. Waiting for another moment at the end of the hall he watched her walk by again before stepping out behind her and smacking her in the back of the head with the blunt object he was holding. Watching as she fell to the ground unconscious Nathan tilt his head his eyes empty of emotion as he stared down at his mothers vulnerable form on the floor. Kneeling down he reaching a hand out and ran his fingers gently over her face before shifting over her and moving to lay down beside her. His eyes watering a little bit after a moment of staring. “I’m sorry. It’s going to hurt for a little while longer. But you can hate me in hell, when we meet again.” Shifting he inched his face along the floor as he lay beside her and then pressed his lips affectionately to her forehead “I do love you. But this is what I have to do. I hope you understand.” Pulling himself up then he pulled her unconscious form up with him and moved it toward a floor lamp, letting her drop to the ground and shoved the lamp down next to her to try and make it look like the lamp had hit her the best that he could, so that suspicions that someone else in the house hitting her wouldn’t be brought up. Letting out a breath he stared down at his mother for another moment before turning and going on to examine the house, going through a few things to learn more about his families life without him, as well as finding out the layout. Nathan made sure not to spend too much time there, as he was sure his mother would not be unconscious for very long. As he was leaving he stopped to wipe off the object he had used to knock his mom out with and set it back in it’s place. Exiting from the front door Nathan continued walking down the street, smiling at the elderly woman he had spoken to earlier as she watched him walk by her house again, he waved a goodbye toward her.  After this he made his way toward a restaurant to get himself something to eat. 2 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  MOTHER  NATHAN  KAREN  BRECCAN  ROBERT  FATHER  

Home Invasion Poking his head out from a line of bushes and glaring at a house, Nathan grinned before ducking down closer to the hedge as a man came walking out of the house. He watched them for a moment, eyes narrowing on them as they moved toward a car.  Seeing his father walk so carelessly along was an irritation. As if they were unaware of the Hell they had put him in. The pain he has suffered from their selfishness. Nathan bit down on his bottom lip as he continued to watch. The others appearance telling Nathan nothing more but that the other was unrepentant. They had all seemed so happy with themselves. Their lives had gone so smoothly, without him. He was easy to forget. Reaching up his hands to lean onto the bush Nathan seethed lightly under his breath as he watched Robert get into his car and pull out of the drive and off down the street away from him. Nathan was going to make him pay. There had been no other decision for him.  Watching the house for a moment more before he pulled away from the bush and started to walk only for someone to call out. “Austin! Hey, what are you doing? Why are you hiding behind that bush?” Turning toward the older woman Nathan gave her his best Austin smile and shifted “ Ah. I was just looking for something that fell over this way.” The woman stared for a moment before nodding “Well it was nice seeing you.” Then she moved to continue about her business. Nathan turned back toward the sidewalk and started to move again. Walking up to the front door he lift a hand up and pressed it to the center of the door. Closing his eyes he let out a breathe before scratching his nails agitatedly down the door, anger bubbling up inside of him. His eyes opened just enough to stare angrily at it for a moment before he moved and walked away moving around the side of the house. The door opened just a few seconds after he walked out of sight from anyone who had opened it, revealing a older woman who looked around before frowning at seeing no one on her doorstep. Stepping back she went to close the door, turning her body to face it she noticed scratch marks in the paint that clearly hadn’t been there the last time she had looked at the door. Muttering something about a paint job she moved back into the house and closed the door. Reaching the back door Nathan was looking over the houses exterior, looking for weaknesses in it. He wanted to make sure that when he set his plan in motion, that the day of the executions would be easy and none of his victims would be able to escape. Lifting up his hand he placed it on a windows frame. He was going to nail those shut, except for the route he would choose to escape for himself. As he would still have more business to attend to after the bloodbath he planned at this house. He had to take care of those who tortured him at the hospital, mostly, he was going to make sure he took care of Breccan. All these months of preparations and setting up for both sites was something he was paying most of his focus to.  He wanted to make sure his plans went off with minimal issue. Scratching a fingernail against the wooden frame he stood for a moment before looking at the sky. Around this time he figured that Bethany and Austin were out and about being busy with the lives they were allowed to fulfill. Grace also would be out. So that left one person he did not know the schedule of, his mother. Who he hadn’t seen about in the last few days he had been watching the house. Moving to the backdoor though he started to pick the lock hearing it click a moment later as it unlocked. Gripping onto the doorknob he slowly and quietly opened it before sneaking inside and closing the door behind him just as quietly.  He could hear someone moving around and a tv on. Listening closely he continued to sneak around the kitchen looking for something to deal with that person who remained in the house. Finding something blunt he pulled it from it’s spot and continued to creep toward the sounds of someone moving around, seemingly doing household chores. At least he could only guess that’s what his mother was doing.  He didn’t want to have to hit her at the moment, as it wasn’t the time. But he didn’t want her to see him. Today had been the perfect day for him to inspect the inside of the house finally, to learn the layout of the structure in case of incident. Walking down a hallway stealthily Nathan pressed against the wall to minimize her ability to see him. He knew he was getting closer to her and after a moment she walked passed the end of the hallway. His eyes flicked after her. A moment of pause came over him as a sudden feeling struck him, making him confused. His eyes widened as he thought over his actions up until now. But he steeled himself after another second and continued on his path. Waiting for another moment at the end of the hall he watched her walk by again before stepping out behind her and smacking her in the back of the head with the blunt object he was holding. Watching as she fell to the ground unconscious Nathan tilt his head his eyes empty of emotion as he stared down at his mothers vulnerable form on the floor. Kneeling down he reaching a hand out and ran his fingers gently over her face before shifting over her and moving to lay down beside her. His eyes watering a little bit after a moment of staring. “I’m sorry. It’s going to hurt for a little while longer. But you can hate me in hell, when we meet again.” Shifting he inched his face along the floor as he lay beside her and then pressed his lips affectionately to her forehead “I do love you. But this is what I have to do. I hope you understand.” Pulling himself up then he pulled her unconscious form up with him and moved it toward a floor lamp, letting her drop to the ground and shoved the lamp down next to her to try and make it look like the lamp had hit her the best that he could, so that suspicions that someone else in the house hitting her wouldn’t be brought up. Letting out a breath he stared down at his mother for another moment before turning and going on to examine the house, going through a few things to learn more about his families life without him, as well as finding out the layout. Nathan made sure not to spend too much time there, as he was sure his mother would not be unconscious for very long. As he was leaving he stopped to wipe off the object he had used to knock his mom out with and set it back in it’s place. Exiting from the front door Nathan continued walking down the street, smiling at the elderly woman he had spoken to earlier as she watched him walk by her house again, he waved a goodbye toward her.  After this he made his way toward a restaurant to get himself something to eat. 2 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  MOTHER  NATHAN  KAREN  BRECCAN  ROBERT  FATHER   Robert’s Self-fulfilling Prophecy Nathan reached over to a house he had carved from the wood of the woods he had spent most of his time living in when he wasn’t gathering Intel at Austin’s. Though he felt his welcome had always been more temporary. Of course he would not feel safe in a place like that. With a boy raised to believe he was nothing more than imaginary, a monster. Glaring he stabbed the scalpel in his left hand into the ground “ You want a monster, I’ll fucking give you a god damn monster.”  No matter how hard he tried, the bitterness, the darkness that seemed to eat away at his heart all these years had grown to the point that he felt like he could no longer control it. Once his freedom was realized, it just festered and killed him slowly till he fed it. Tirelessly he had worked toward his main goal, revenge. It was the only other thing he could think about other than hate, hating himself for ever having loved them or for ever having been alive. Hating them for the absolute betrayal and hurt they had put him through. His chest had done nothing bit writhe in pain for the last few years, wanting them…any of them to just realize what they had done to him and free him. In the end when he had to free himself, however he figured he must have done that. The beast he was trying to contain for so long just took control of him. He wanted blood, he wanted THEIR blood. Everyone who had ever hurt him. Everyone who had ever played a hand in hurting him. It made no difference to him. His suffering was all the excuse he needed for the acts of evil he had planned for his victims. In his mind, which had been twisted by the years of abuse he was forced to take, it was a necessary evil. Nathan had not thought of himself like this, had not felt this ache and hate before they had put him through their tormented abuse. Robert owed him a life, but he knew that he would never get that life back. So Nathan was going to make Robert pay by taking the lives he cared most about. He had planned for his father to live, alone, hurt by someone that was his own blood. And die that way. Nathan felt this was the only way Robert would understand what he truly had felt when his own father had sentenced him to a life of needless abuse and torture. Now he was the monster the other had feared, capable of doing terrible things. Laughing a bit Nathan pulled the top of the model house off, moving it to the side he grabbed a glass full of gasoline up in his left hand. The cast of his last two  fingers where his pinkie finger had been broken not allowing him to get a very good grip on it. But he had managed in the end. Moving his right hand over he grabbed a toy that had been placed in the house, along with three other figures “Noooo, Nathan, don’t do this. WE love you! We are sorry for all the things we did. Please, if you just let us live. We’ll make it up to you! Please!” Nathan cried in a voice. Moving his left hand he started to gently pour the gas along the outside of the house as he made whimpering noises and moved the toy around in the house. Moving the cup over the inside of the house Nathan narrowed his eyes on the figure. “Sorry?! You’re SORRY!? Sorry will not give back what you took from me! Robert! Sorries won’t erase all the shit that happened to me because you were paranoid!”  Nathan threw the toy to the ground “You think you can just make the rules. Send a child away to an insane asylum because you see a monster of them. Well how is that self fulfilling prophecy working out for you?!” Nathan spat before reaching over to the mother doll and pleading in a girls voice. “Just kill us! Let the girls go! They have nothing to do with this!”She cried, Nathan’s eyes teared up  and he looked away sniffling. “It’s not about them. It’s about Him. He loved them more than anything else. And it is this love that puts them in the same guillotine as you. I’m sorry that because of him you three must pay. But you are his life. And he owes me that.” Nathan  shifted moving to dump gas around the inside of the house “All this is what he built his life up to.  All this is what he loves. Not me. Not what he put me through. He doesn’t even care about any of that.” Nathan’s eyes narrowed down onto the house as he imagined screaming for him to stop coming from the toys. Placing the empty cup down he sighed “I’m sorry. I just don’t care about you anymore. It hurt too much to care for so long and get nothing. Absolutely nothing in return. Nothing but a realization after years, I can’t live out here like you. You all have ruined me. I did my waiting! Seventeen years of waiting for you to let me live, to free me from my prison! And none of you did anything to help me!” Reaching over then he grabbed onto the doll that was meant to be Robert and lift it up before throwing it outside the house. “Nooo, where are you taking him!” Nathan shrieked in a girlish tone. “He’s going in the basement, he’ll have a better chance of surviving this traumatic experience down there.”  Twisting a little he reached for his backpack and took out a match. “Nathan, please! You don’t have to do this! Don’t be what he has made of you! Please, let us go!” “It’s too late for that, mother.” Lighting the match and dropping it into the model house he watched as it went up in flames. Shifting he moved back and grabbed another toy from his backpack “You are the worst twin. I feel embarrassed ever having to talk about you.  Anytime anyone brings you up in a conversation it makes me think about how weird you are and I hate you. I wish you were dead or imaginary. You killed my family.” Nathan smirked narrowing his eyes on the figured. Tossing the doll into the fire he laughed “Shut up, Austin.  You don’t understand a pain you’ve never felt.  You would never understand how much I have been hurt to be driven this far.”   Though he had more plans for Austin then letting the other die in a fire. No, for his twin, the person he had been counting on to save him. Based on the thought that Austin would remember him and eventually visit. But as the case was all the years of waiting had greeted nothing but despise “How can you forget your own twin!? What is wrong with you, do you have brain damage?!  Oh, a therapist hypnotized me! Fuck you! There was nothing I could do. – Life has been pretty traumatic for me, too.” Nathan glances into the middle distance, as if staring into a camera or looking at an audience. Standing then he let the rest of the house burn down before stomping on  the remains of the fire and putting it out. Packing up some things he made his way back to town. He was feeling hungry and wanted to grab something to eat before he had to calm his mind down enough to pretend like he was bonding with his siblings or anyone. Rubbing a hand against his head he giggled, his eyes watering. A few tears slipped out making their way down his face the strange feeling in his chest and mind pulsing for a moment before fading out as sadness washed over him. 2 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  ROBERT  KAREN  MOTHER  FATHER  FAMILY  GRACE  BETHANY AUSTIN