#spiral sti

[puyostim]

lemon stimboard. welcome to lemon gif central.

🍋 🍋 🍋

🍋 🍋 🍋

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[cosmogenous]

im cool doin my own thang but what u up to? u wanna hang? rob bank?

[north-wilkesboro-moonshine-cave]

One of the older women I sometimes sit with at the synagogue this morning apparently has ten relatives who are apparently missing. The rabbi said she thinks they might be hostages. Her mother died a month ago. The other woman I sit with always stands for the mourners Kaddish, and when I saw them last they were holding hands

[beanyowl]

once again facing off with my rsd after sending my paper to my family for proofreading knowing my sister will be brutal

already got the feedback yesterday but have to sleep on it to not feel as personally attacked and embarrassed about what I originally wrote

[sugarpopss]

Something i think about a lot is that if someone took a photo of me nude and cut off the head and edited out my very distinctive birthmarks, I'd probably find that person really gorgeous. Like it's literally just the knowledge that this is my own body that makes me dislike it. idk im having a moment

[jessmaybank]

Friends - JJ Maybank & Rafe Cameron

Based on the song Friends by Chase Atlantic

Outer banks x Chase Atlantic masterlist

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Pairing(s): JJ Maybank x fem! Pogue reader & Rafe Cameron x fem! Pogue reader.

Word count: 3.5k

Summary: ever wondered what happens when you fall in love with two people at once? Well, the answer is pure chaos.

Warnings: swearing, drug use, alcohol use, lots of angst!!, SMUT, thigh riding, nipple play,

AN: mutual pining, angst, jealousy & everything in between. in the words of Katherine Pierce, it’s ok to love them both.

Girl, tell me what you're doing on the other side

And tell, just tell me what you're doing with that other guy

'Cause I ain't got patience to slow down the pace

“That’s it, just like that” Rafe says, his voice hoarse as his nails dig into her bare hips, helping her ride his thigh. Turns out, Rafe Cameron isn’t as selfish in the bedroom as he is in any other situation, and it made her dizzy.

She had just started seeing the oldest Cameron, and although she was a pogue through and through, he didn’t care. When it came to her, he was willing to bend all of his rules. She just had that effect on him.

Her moans spiral out of control as she bucks her hips onto his bare thigh, her clit rubbing against his skin harshly. Her arousal was coating his thigh, and he swore it was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

Her manicured nails dug into his arms, her head coming up from its place on his shoulder to look at him. His blue orbs glistened with lust, a sight she never thought she would see from the one and only Rafe Cameron.

“Good girl” he whispers, her pussy clenching around nothing at his seductive words. Rafe was rock hard, his desire for her overwhelming him as she got off on him, his self control crumbling a little more every time she moaned his name.

It took everything in him not to spin her around, pin her against the mattress and fuck her deep, but he knew better. He wanted to see her come undone just from the feeling of his skin.

He turned his attention to the bikini top she was wearing, reaching around to untie it from the back of her neck.

She came over to swim in his pool, the summer heat unbearable, but evidently they never made it that far.

He pulled her bikini top down, her breasts now on display for him. She wasn’t exactly the most experienced girl, and usually she would be self conscious, but for some reason it felt normal with Rafe. She could see the need for her in his eyes whenever they would see each other, and so she always felt comfortable and wanted around him.

He ran his thumb over her hardened nipple, his other hand still guiding her hips as she rode him. He then leant forward, his tongue latching on to her Nipple, swirling it around the sensitive bud. She whimpered above him, her blissful state apparent as he then observed her unfocused and lidded eyes.

“Rafe, i-“ she starts, cut off by her own moans as she reached her climax, her legs starting to spasm as she came undone. He helped her ride through her high, grinding her hips against his now drenched thigh, a groan leaving his lips as he took in the sight before him.

He planted warm kisses along her shoulder blade, her heavy breathing the only sound which occupied the room.

Hours later, she walked up the wooden steps on the chateau porch, a satisfied smile spread across her features at the memories of earlier.

The evening light was dim as she dug into her pocket for her keys, retrieving the small piece of metal, before unlocking the front door and walking inside.

“Where have you been” JJ says, her head turning to face him as he sits on the couch, the faint sound of the tv playing in the background.

A mix of emotions wash over her as his eyes meet his. If she was telling the truth, she would have to admit that she had been in love with JJ ever since they were little. He had always taken care of her, even when he was at his lowest, and for that reason her heart had always been his, hell maybe it still was. But she never had the guts to tell him how she felt, too scared of loosing the most important person in her life.

“Out” she says bluntly.

“All day?”

“Are you ganna keep grilling me for much longer J? Im exhausted” she says, walking over to dump her belongings on the chair next to the couch. She was being moodier than usual, and that’s when JJ knew something was up.

“Who were you with?” He asks, his protective nature apparent as he peers up at her from the couch, taking a swig of his beer.

“Just some friends” she says, a pang of guilt hitting her chest as soon as she said it. She hated lying to the person she loved the most, but she knew JJ wouldn’t approve of her and Rafe. Rafe had a reputation for being a spoilt kook that played with girls hearts, and no way would JJ let him mess with her.

JJ knew she was lying. He always managed to see straight through her, even when she put on her best poker face like she was right now.

“Bullshit” he said, standing up from the couch, his jaw clenched.

Although JJ was her whole world, she got seriously sick of waiting for him. She spent countless nights crying over her seemingly unrequited love, and she vowed that from now on, she would do whatever she could to be happy, even if that meant being with someone that wasn’t him.

She scoffed at him, running her hands through her hair, a reflection of her stressed out state.

“Goodnight, JJ” she says, annoyance laced in her voice as she stormed off to the spare room.

He observed her walking away from him, paying close attention to how her hips swayed so elegantly as her figure disappeared into the hallway. His features softened once she was out of sight, instantly regretting how harsh he was with her, before sitting back down on the worn-out couch, alone with his thoughts once again.

All your girlfriends are wasted

They need it, they chase it

Face it, you want it, you crave it

Believe when I say that you'll know once you taste it

The sun had just started to set as they pulled up to the kegger, a light breeze flowing through the air. The beach was swarmed with young adults, most of which were already drunk.

She sat around the fire with Sarah and Kiara, alcohol cursing through her veins. The boys had left to play beer pong, a perfect excuse for some girly chat. Once she was drunk enough, she finally plucked up the courage to tell her girlfriends the secret she had been hiding.

“I’ve kind of been seeing Rafe” she says to her friends, and Sarah’s eyes practically pop out of her head, Kiara’s wide eyes following shortly after.

“Oh my god” Sarah says, her face full of shock.

“please don’t be mad” she says, a quizzical look gracing her features as she internally cringes.

“I’m not mad” Sarah starts, a small chuckle leaving her lips. “I just always thought you would end up with JJ”

This time, it was her eyes widening. Kie gave Sarah a small glare, one that suggested she said something she shouldn’t have. She had never told anyone about her crush on JJ, surely it wasn’t that obvious?

“What makes you say that?” She asks, causing a crooked smile to form on Sarah’s face.

“Sarah, don’t” Kie says, but her attempts were halfhearted, their drunk states an inviting cause for gossip.

“Oh shush kie, the girl has a right to know” Sarah says, her amusement obvious as kie rolls her eyes.

“Oh my god, Sarah spill!” She says, her patience wearing thin.

“Okay, okay. JJ…likes you. He has for ages. I’m surprised you haven’t noticed.” Sarah says.

Her heart skipped a beat at Sarah’s confession, the words ringing in her head over and over again. JJ likes you.

“For real?”

“For real” Kie confirms, and suddenly, it was hard to breathe.

“Oh my god. I have to talk to him” she says, leaping up from her seat and making a beeline for the beer pong table, ignoring the shouts from the girls.

“JJ” she shouts, catching the blondes attention. He turns his head towards her, and time starts to slow.

“I- um can I talk to you? In private” she says, fidgeting with her fingers as she mentally begs her heart to stop beating so fast.

“Sure” he says, a confused look on his face. She grabbed his hand and dragged him all the way down to the shore, the music from the party acting as background music to their conversation. The sun had set by now, and the night sky cast a dim glow over them as they perched on the sand.

“What’s wrong?” He says, concern laced in his voice as they sat side by side, their heads turned to face one another.

“I- um” she starts, clearly not drunk enough for this conversation as her nerves got the best of her. JJ’s eyes were tinged with worry, scared something bad had happened.

He reached his hand out, resting it on her thigh, rubbing his thumb on her soft skin. Although it was a small and simple gesture, it was enough to set her skin on fire.

“Do…do you like me?”

JJ’s eyes widened, that was the last thing he was expecting her to say. The one thing he hated most in the world was his vulnerability, and here she was, asking him to pour his heart out to her.

The blonde retracted his hand from her thigh and shot up, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed as he stands, preparing himself to lie through his teeth to the girl he has loved ever since they met.

“What- of course not, why would you think that?” He says, his tone harsh as he breaks her heart into two for what felt like the thousandth time. He knew he shouldn’t lie, that he should just grow some balls and tell her, but he was too scared of loosing her. So instead, his defences came up, and his exterior became cold.

She stood up to face him. “I don’t know, Sarah said-“ her words were cut off as he scoffed.

“That girl can’t keep her mouth shut, always bullshitting about something” he says, and her eyes began to water.

Her whole body felt like it was about to give way at any moment, her legs week as she faced the man that just broke her heart. Although she had genuine feelings for Rafe, JJ was always in the back of her head.

“Wow, my bad. I didn’t realise how disgusted you were by the idea of liking me” she said, vision blurry as her eyes started to sting. She needed to get out of there before JJ saw how distraught she was. She turned on her heel, practically sprinting away from him, heading back up to to the party.

He tried to put his arm out to stop her, but she shrugged him off instantly.

“Wait, no, that’s not what I- fuck” he says, throwing his cap onto the floor as he kicks the sand, his frustration evident as he once again watches her walking away from him.

She stormed back up to the crowds of drunk people, walking past the fire where her friends sat, ignoring them as they called her name. JJ returned to the party shortly after, slumping himself down next to kie, his head in hands as he lets out a sigh.

“What the hell did you do?” Kiara says, and not even JJ knew how to answer that question.

Just give me some time and space to realize

That you, were busy lying, sleeping 'round with other guys

After about twenty minutes of contemplation, it seemed she had ran out of options. She couldn’t go back to the chateau, not ready to face JJ yet. So, she turned to the only other person she knew that could make her feel better.

She gave the door a halfhearted knock, the tension in her shoulders somewhat subsiding as the front door opened.

“Hey” Rafe said, a mix of concern and confusion laced within his features as he peered down at her.

Without thinking, she practically leaped through the door, hooking her arms around his neck. He hugged her back immediately, his warm body making her melt into his arms as his hands snaked around her waist.

“I’m sorry, i didn’t know where else to go”

“Are you ok? What happened?” He said pulling back from the hug slightly so they were face to face. The way he was so concerned was warming her heart, already beginning to pick up the pieces that JJ broke.

“I don’t wanna talk” she said, meaning every word. Her need for Rafe had never been so strong, and she wanted nothing more than for him to take her pain away. Her eyes darted to his lips, then back up to his eyes, before she kissed him.

He was hesitant at first, but after a few seconds he kissed her back, lost in the feeling of her soft lips. He grabbed her thighs, hoisting her up so her legs were wrapped around his waist, kicking the front door shut before carrying her up the stairs.

When they reached his room, he threw her on the bed, her breasts bouncing through her top as she hit the mattress, and that was the moment Rafe realised he was completely and utterly infatuated with her. He took off his shirt, discarding it on the floor before climbing onto the bed, hovering over her petite frame.

“Have you been crying?” He says, the exposure to his bedroom light clearly showing the way her mascara was smudged under her eyes, her cheeks holding a faint redness. Rafes heart felt like it had sank to his feet as he looked at her, his blackened orbs once again filled with concern.

“Kinda. I had a fight with my friends” she said, partially telling the truth. She was expecting him to make a snarky pogue comment, but he never did. Instead, he ran his finger under her eyes, wiping away the evidence of her pain.

“Next time you cry, you call me straight away, okay?” He says, and her face lit up at his sweet words. “I will, I promise”

And then, he kissed her.

And what the hell were we?

Tell me we weren't just friends

This doesn't make much sense, no

But I'm not hurt, I'm tense

'Cause I'll be fine without you, babe

The next morning, Rafe dropped her off at the chateau, a cheesy grin painted on both their faces as he kissed her goodbye.

The warm fuzzy feeling that sat in the pit of her stomach was replaced with nervousness as soon as she got out of the car, walking round the corner to the front of the house. She froze as she saw JJ sitting on the wooden bench on the porch, the remains of a joint dangling from his mouth as he inhaled, letting the smoke engulf his probably damaged lungs. How was he always there whenever she came home?

“Who was that?” He says, his tone stern as he heard someone pull out of the driveway.

“No one” she said, making her way up to the front door. Her dainty hands reached for the doorknob, but JJ’s reflexes were quick. He chucked his joint, stood up and grabbed her arm, stopping her movements.

“You didn’t come home last night. I was worried sick. And now your hiding who you were with? What’s the matter with you?”

She scoffed, an obvious annoyance gracing her features as she rolled her eyes at the boy which once had her heart, the boy who used to be her everything. Now, her heart shattered just a little bit more every time she stared into those blue eyes.

“Fine. I was with Rafe. Is that what you wanna hear?” She said, and it was like a dagger sliced straight through JJ’s heart.

“Rafe? Is that a fucking joke, after everything he did to me and pope?” He shouts, referring to the multiple fights that the boys had with Rafe. Other than his father, JJ had never felt so betrayed by someone he loved, and if looks could kill, she would be dead in an instant.

“He’s changed. He’s not like that anymore”

JJ let out a sarcastic laugh. “Your so naive”

“Why do you even care who I’m with?” She said with sass, crossing her arms over her chest as she sent him a glare.

“I don’t-“

“Clearly you do. You always ask questions, your always too protective-“

“Your my friend, of course im-“

“look me in eyes, and tell me we’re just friends JJ” she says, her eyes practically burning holes into his blue orbs. His lips parted as she finished her sentence, his skin starting to grow hot.

It didn’t make sense to her. All those nights they spent together, cuddling up to watch a movie, or going for a late night swim after everyone else had gone to bed. Whenever she got too drunk at parties, he would take her home, take off her makeup for her and tuck her into bed. He had never done any of those things with anyone else, and she couldn’t fathom the possibility that he didn’t feel the same things she did.

What she didn’t know, was that JJ had always struggled with his feelings. He was never very good with words, and it was hard for him to express himself, even around the people he was most comfortable with. One thing he was good at though, was making impulsive descisions.

So, without putting too much thought into it, he leached forward, pinning her against the front door, their warm bodies pressed together. She gasped at the contact, her mouth agape as she studied his face. His face was littered with tiny cuts, his bruised features a perfect picture to her.

And without saying a word, he kissed her.

Heart on your sleeve like you've never been loved

Running in circles, now look what you've done

Give you my word as you take it and run

Wish you'd let me stay, I'm ready now

At first, she let herself sink into the kiss, her soft lips a stark contrast to his rough ones. His hands came up to cup her flushed cheeks, and she melted under his touch. Her insides practically caught alight as JJ’s tongue dove into her mouth, dominating hers instantly.

JJ groaned into her mouth at the taste of her, and that’s when she snapped back into reality.

“What the fuck” she shouts, pushing her best friend away from her small frame, her eyes wide as she tries to calm her beating heart.

“Shit. I’m sorry-“

“That’s not Fair, JJ. You can’t just kiss me” she says, eyes glossy as she peers up at him. JJ, however, couldn’t even look her in the eye.

“I just, I thought-“

“No. I’ve spent most of my life waiting for you to make a move. Waiting for you to admit that you feel the same things I do” she starts, and JJs gaze met hers then, his face softening at the realisation that she actually has feelings for him too.

“But instead, you denied it when I asked you, making me feel like a complete and utter idiot. Then, as soon as you find out I have feelings for someone else, you kiss me? What is wrong with you?” She says, her words shaky as she pours her heart out to him.

“You have feelings for him?” He asks, his jaw clenching as he asks the question.

After a few seconds, she nods her head, and the pain swimming around within JJ’s eyes did not go unnoticed by her, his stare falling to his shoes as he takes in the information.

JJ had never been so angry at himself. If he just grew some balls and told her how he felt a long time ago, none of this would have happened, and she would of been his. Now, she was someone else’s, and his sadness was completely suffocating.

“Huh” he says, nodding his head, a cold look on his face. “Do you have feelings for me?”

“I’ve had feelings for you since the day we met JJ” she replies, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

The blondes heart felt like it had split into a million pieces, spilling out of his chest at a rapid rate. He had never felt this type of heartache, and it was eating him alive.

“Then you have to choose” he says, bringing a finger up to wipe her tears away, her eyes fluttering shut at the contact.

“I can’t” she says, his efforts to stop her tears failing as they now pour out of her like a waterfall.

JJ shakes his head at her reply, face screwed up as he takes a few steps back from her, the disappointment laced within his features making her heart hurt.

“Then I’ll make it simple for you” he says, turning on his feet and walking away from the girl he once thought was his everything.

I'm not ready, eyes heavy now

Wish you'd let me stay, I'm ready now

I'm not ready, eyes heavy now

Wish you'd let me stay, I'm ready now

____________________________________________

I love this concept sm, If you guys want a part 2 with a happy ending let me know, but I’m kinda loving this angst era rn.

[spacetimeconundrum]

Fuck it. I accidentally wrote fix-it spec fic.

I Think We Were In Love, Once [Buck/Tommy, 1.9k, T] Read it on AO3

aka Giving Oliver the goddamn slow burn he asked for: 

After Tommy walks out of his apartment, and his life, leaving him confused and heartbroken in his kitchen, Buck is just miserable. In fact, he’s more broken up about this breakup than he was for any of his other partners. 

At first, he tries to throw himself into his family, helping with Jee while Maddie deals with early pregnancy symptoms and doctor’s appointments, trying to be supportive of Eddie’s search for self-acceptance or enlightenment or whatever it is he’s doing to try to convince Chris to come home, his job, and his hobbies. He’s taken up baking with a fervor not seen in Los Angeles since the height of the early months of the pandemic, when millions of white-collar workers stuck at home with their remote jobs and under-utilized kitchens decided to become sourdough specialists on the side.

He also throws himself into the online dating scene again, and has a lot of sex, with men and women and a few nonbinary folks. Because fuck it, apparently he’s not experienced enough to know what he wants; he might as well see what else is out there. 

He’s not happy though. He saw a future with Tommy and he can’t with any of these people.

He gets off the apps after he has a condom break and nearly has a panic attack in the middle of a 24 hour pharmacy. They get her some Plan B, and they both get STI testing done (all good there, thankfully), and he sweats it for a few weeks until he gets a text confirmation that he’s not about to become a father (again).

When he hears that Tommy has a new boyfriend through the LAFD’s gossip channels, he throws himself into hobbies even harder. He’s starting to get the hang of pastry dough.

Tommy and his new guy break up? Buck doesn’t care. It definitely doesn’t make him want to call him. (Liar.)

-

Three months and seventeen days after receiving a text that reads, “I’m sorry. I’ll understand if you hate me right now, but I’d like to hope that someday we might be friends again,” that he leaves on read, they run into each other on a scene. 

It’s a pretty involved fire, not exactly much time to stop and chat in the heat of the moment, even if he wanted to. Later, as they’re wrapping up on scene, stowing their hoses, Tommy comes up to him, an expression on his soot-covered face like he wants to say something, but Buck doesn’t want to hear it right now.

“Firefighter Kinard,” he says with a curt nod and keeps walking. Tommy doesn’t try to follow him.

Buck goes out the night after his shift and hooks up with a stranger and then hates himself a little afterwards.

-

And then the 118 get the call to respond to the scene of a downed LAFD helicopter. 

High winds caused a tree branch to fly into the tail rotor of the bird, sending it spiraling into an uncontrolled descent. The pilot was able to wrestle with the controls enough to prevent a total catastrophe, but it’s pretty bad. 

Buck’s heart was already in his throat when he heard the call and it sinks when he sees with his own eyes who the pilot is.

They get Tommy out, but he’s badly injured, several broken bones and significant burns. Buck is distraught, but holds it together until they get him to the hospital.

He collapses outside the glass doors, Bobby has to pick him back up and reassure him that Tommy’s a fighter, he’s seen people survive far worse. (They’ve both seen people die from less.)

Bobby lets him clock out from his shift early. Buck sits in the waiting room until he’s out of surgery at least. 

It’s touch and go for a bit, but Tommy survives. But it’s going to be a long recovery and it’s uncertain if Tommy will be able to return to full duty ever again, he learns when visits him in the hospital. 

He’s not the only visitor. Tommy’s coworkers care, but they all have busy lives and families at home to take care of, so they keep their visits short. 

He doesn’t have anyone to stay with him during his recovery, no family who can help (or would come if he asked).

Buck doesn’t know what masochistic impulse comes over him that makes him say it, but he offers to stay with Tommy, at his house, for a while. He still has to work, but if he’s there at least part of the time, Tommy won’t need a nurse to visit as often, and Tommy has a spare bedroom that he can sleep in. He doesn’t mind sharing with the piles of new flooring stacked in the corner.

Tommy tries to argue with him, but Buck knows he doesn’t have any better option. It’s Buck, or a few weeks in a long term care facility until he’s safe to be released to at-home nursing.

“I think we were in love, once. Let me do this for you, as a friend,” he says. 

Tommy relents and Buck drives him home from the hospital a few days later when he’s discharged.

-

It’s hard. Tommy, like Buck, is a terrible patient, stubborn, impatient, always pushing himself too hard. Snappy and sarcastic when he’s in pain.

They have a shouted argument over how to correctly apply fresh gauze pads one night, and Buck finally leaves him to do it himself while he goes for a run.

Tommy’s been calling him Buck this whole time, but he apologizes when Buck gets back an hour later and calls him Evan.

Things get easier after that. Not the recovery, that still sucks, but Buck and Tommy are better together. They talk more. And share personal things about themselves that got glossed over in the glow of their relationship when everything was new and they spent more time flirting and having sex than having serious discussions.

Tommy’s recovery eventually progresses enough that he doesn’t really need Buck there anymore, he can always get an Uber or a Lyft if he needs to get to his doctor’s appointments or physical therapy, otherwise he’s mobile enough and has regained enough fine and gross motor skills to fend for himself at home, but neither of them talk about Buck moving back out of Tommy’s guestroom. 

It’s still unclear if he’ll be able to return to firefighting, but there’s more hope that he could return to flying at least, so if he has to work as a private pilot instead, that’s an option he’s working towards. 

Things come to a head finally when Buck gets an email from his landlord. His lease is up for renewal soon. He hasn’t been back to the loft in weeks.

He doesn’t say anything to Tommy at first, he’s not sure how he feels. He really should go back to his apartment, right?

He brings it up over dinner. Announces that he’s going back to the loft. 

“You don’t really need me anymore, Tommy,” he says. 

Tommy doesn’t argue. (Buck wants him to. He wants him to beg him to stay.)

Buck packs up his belongings. A lot more of his stuff has migrated over to Tommy’s place than he thought. It’s all over the house. 

“It’s okay, Evan, if you forget anything, you know where I live,” Tommy tells him.

Buck goes back to the loft. It feels sterile and empty, even though it’s actually a little musty inside at first, because it was shut up for so long.

He goes to work, feeling a little numb. It’s a long shift. He drives ten minutes the wrong way home afterwards because he’s gotten used to living with Tommy.

-

He’s halfway through cooking himself a meal for one, when there’s a knock at the door. 

“Hey, Evan,” Tommy says when he opens it.

“Tommy? What are you doing here? You’re not cleared to drive again yet.”

“I know. I took an Uber. Can I come in?” he asks.

“Sure, yeah. I was just making dinner.” Buck steps aside to let him in.

Tommy walks in slowly, like he’s nervous, Buck offers him a chair, a beer, for old time’s sake.

“Still not allowed to drink with the meds, you know that. But I’ll take the chair.” He chuckles awkwardly and sits down at Buck’s table with a groan.

Buck leans against his kitchen island, arms crossed. He still doesn’t know why Tommy’s here.

There’s a long pause where neither of them speaks. Finally, “You were wrong,” Tommy says.

“I was what?” Buck bristles.

Tommy shakes his head. “Sorry, sorry. I’m doing a terrible job of this. I meant…you were wrong when you said I didn’t need you anymore.”

Buck drops his arms and just stares at him, silently.

“I never should have let you walk out that door without telling you that.”

“Tommy…” he tries to interject.

“I never should have let you go in the first place. And I know, I know that’s all my fault. I let my own insecurities and fears get in the way of listening to what you were telling me. That you wanted me too. That you meant it.”

Buck wipes his face because he’s tearing up now, but he’s got something to say too.

“You weren’t… entirely wrong,” he admits, slowly, choosing his words carefully. “I shouldn’t have asked you to move in then. It was too soon. We needed to get to know each other better before we were ready for that. But you really hurt me, breaking things off the way you did.”

Tommy nods, looking miserable. “I know.”

“I wasn’t a teenager with his first boyfriend, Tommy. Or–or a guy fresh out of the closet after years of hiding who he really is. And I’m not saying this to judge you for your past or even make comparisons. I’m lucky that I got to come out the way I did, with friends and family who immediately accepted me for who I am, I know that. I’m just a guy who figured out that he’s bisexual a little later in life. But I have had relationships before, a lot of them, actually. And I know myself and I know what I want.”

He takes a deep breath. “And I wanted you.”

Tommy’s eyes are wide and wet, looking up at him warily. “Could—do you still want me?”

Buck comes around the table to be closer to Tommy, who struggles a little to stand up, but he manages it without Buck’s help and stands facing him, hope and fear shining in his eyes.

“Promise me that if you get scared again, we’ll talk about it, instead of deciding for the both of us what I’m ready for,” Buck says.

Tommy nods. “I promise. I don’t ever want to lose you again, Evan.”

Buck leans in to kiss him, but stops himself just before he closes the distance entirely, palms resting on Tommy’s heaving chest. 

“I’m not moving in with you…yet. My lease ends in two months, I’m not going to renew it, but I don’t want to just jump in without a plan this time. So for the next two months, we’re just going to date. And then we’ll see where we are. If we’re not ready, I’ll find another place. One with better guest parking at least. Okay?”

“That’s fair,” Tommy agrees. His eyes haven’t left Buck’s mouth.

And then Buck kisses him like he means it.

—

The 118 helps them move Buck’s stuff to Tommy’s–their house when his lease ends. They don’t end up keeping his couch.

[vishnavishivaa]

Edhuvum Avanukaaga: Chapter 5- Avanin Aval

Avanin Aval- His Her- She who is His

*******

Arulmozhi was entirely exhausted.

Things had spiraled entirely out of control since the moment he had met Vaanathi at Thirunallam. And if that had not broken his heart... he still remembered her, drenched due to the fury of Ponni Thai, and holding Poonkuzhali to prevent her from dying by crocodile. He could not forget the calmness she exhibited and the fear Samudra Kumari did, the stunning contrast making his heart beat in recognition of Vaanathi. He had been terrified for the first time in a long while, terrified for her life, and also out of worry with regards to the oath.

"Vaanathi, you did not take the oath, did you?" he purposely showcased his concern and worry about it, knowing both the women standing opposite him were watching.

"I tried to.." surprise fluttered across her face, its molten gold colour embedded in his eyes. "But Ponni Thai stopped me before I could take it properly."

"I am thankful she did. There is no need to take one, Vaanathi. This is my request," Arulmozhi had only looked at her, allowing her to determine his genuineness. She did gaze at him for a long moment, before she nodded quietly in acceptance.

They had rushed to Thanjai to meet Mandhakini Periamma, and then he had once more been rushed to Kadambur by his sister. Her worry for Aditha Karikalan had touched his heart. He was thankful that he did.

As he entered, he saw a blade almost thrust into Karikalan, which he stopped in a flash, protecting his brother. Karikalan had fallen victim to the fire that had spread through Kadambur, and had gone into a coma due to excess smoke inhalation. He had set Vanthiyathevan with the task of finding out who had actually set fire to the Kadambur palace, and had returned to Thanjai with his elder brother and their maternal grandfather Malayaman of Thirukoyilur.

Arulmozhi had also been thrown into the position of Pattathu Ilavarasar, simply because his elder brother was in a coma. He did not want this, but he knew this was prudent. But knowing Aditha Karikalar, the latter will make Arulmozhi become the Pattathu Ilavarasar now, to ascend the throne.

Arulmozhi knew his elder brother well, despite not seeing him for three years. He sighed and clucked his tongue, leaning back and closing his eyes. He had been reading too many documents, and he really needed a break.

And Vaanathi, probably.

The thought of the Kodumbalur Princess brought a smile to his face, and he sighed at himself. At one time, he would have smiled and yet tried to stop it due to his own misgivings. Now that he was sure, his affections had already bloomed, and he knew he was pining something fierce for her. A pining she did not seem to have for him.

While that hurt him, he also knew that he deserved it. He had hurt her heavily, and he had to pay for his mistakes. Mistakes he was willing to pay for, and for as long as he had to. Even if it took lifetimes. He had rarely had time with Vaanathi, though the Kodumbalur Vilakku supported him silently, leaving him thiruneer at places she knew he will be. Her prayers kept him going, and his Akka's powerful presence as well.

"Emperumane," he sighed, looking at the documents and groaning. He needed a break, or he would lose his sanity. Quickly putting them away in the order of importance, Arulmozhi donned a disguise, and left the palace through a shortcut known to very few, heading to the elephant area.

Relief filled him when he heard the sounds of the familiar trumpets, and he happened upon an area, freezing when he saw Vaanathi there as well, petting an elephant he knew by sight, but not intimately. She looked beautiful, like the forest goddess now spending time with animals, soothing them with her gentle pats and soft words- she was ethereal, dressed in a deep green, her jewels dancing around her to enhance her elegance.

Sighing at how lovesick he sounded, he slowly approached her, smiling to himself when she suddenly stiffened mildly. So she had known of his approach, which was intriguing. It spoke to her being aware, which was a side of hers he rarely got to see. The more he saw, the more he felt seen.

Vaanathi was one of a kind.

"Kodumbalur Kula Vilakke!" he called out jovially, grinning in secret when a look of confusion flitted across her lovely face. He had clearly flummoxed her by his address, which is what he had been going for. He continued, "How come you are here?"

"I came to see Lakshmi," Vaanathi petted the trunk of the elephant who seemed to be focusing only on her.

"Do you know Lakshmi since long?"

"I have known her since before I came to Pazhayarai to Akka for the first time," Vaanathi said softly, a reverent, nostalgic tone in her voice that gave the discussion an air of intimacy. "I met her in one of the elephant shelters in Kodumbalur. She was the first one to make me smile after I lost Appa."

Arulmozhi's heart ached for the melancholy in Vaanathi's tone, the pain that seemed to be present deep in her. He wanted to sooth her somehow, but how was he to do this? Did he know her well enough? Suppressing the sudden insecurity, he just focused on her, saying, "I understand. We all have our own anchors, don't we?"

He knew his eyes were now far off, thinking of his own memories. He felt her dark brown eyes on him, swirling with golden flecks, and he looked into them for a moment, giving her a quiet, possibly tender smile. He smiled a bit wider at the flush on her cheeks, when his elephant interrupted them.

"Gajendra," he laughed softly, patting his trunk, and turned to Vaanathi. "Do you want to come on a ride with me?"

He saw surprise and longing in quick succession on her face, before she blanked it as much as possible, and slowly nodded.

"You want to take me on a ride? On your elephant?"

"Yes, I do, Vaanathi."

****

Vaanathi felt like she was on a dream, a dream she had thought was far off. And yet, here she was, sitting in front of Arulmozhi Varman, going on his elephant. The gentle, leisurely pace the Prince had set told her that he wanted them to savour the intimacy of the moment, and he had also done it as a silent declaration.

One of his choice, the choice of his future bride.

She closed her eyes and savoured the moment, before opening her eyes, deciding to say something, when he interrupted her thoughts.

"Vaanathi, can I tell you something?" his words, gentle yet intense, made her shiver unknowingly. She could feel the air around them shift, and she knew that this was it. This was the conversation that will make them or break them.

"Anything, my Prince."

"When I first met you at the banks of Thirunallam, I felt a kinship with you, one I have never felt with anyone else. One that made me want to be vulnerable with you, for I felt you would never judge me."

Vaanathi was about to say 'I never will,' but she stopped. She wanted him to talk.

He continued, encouraged by the air around her.

"You gave me a reason to talk to you, to a woman, without any compunctions. But then, when I heard where you were from, I grew silent and maybe angry. I know you are well aware that political machinations aren't my favourite thing, even if I know how to handle myself. I didn't want one of the biggest parts of my life to be decided on political wishes, though being a Prince, it is common. Maybe I was naive and wishful, but there it was. And then... and then, Akka told me of you, and I.. I believe I feel harder than ever."

Vanathi froze when he said that, and her mind was filled with flashes; of warmth, smiles and hope, despite everything else. Arulmozhi stopped his elephant and got down, helping Vaanathi down. Their hands had touched, and the spark was incredibly powerful. Arulmozhi ensconced her hand in his firmly, and walked through the lush green forests, to the banks of Ponni.

It was at the banks of Ponni they had met, and it was here he would confess.

"Vaanathi, let me be frank with you. I fell for you a long time ago, but my feelings subconsciously sent me into denial. I knew I cherished you though, for your well-being mattered to me, and my calmness hinges on you and your happiness. And then..."

"Eezham," she said, a single tear running down her cheek, one he hurried to wipe away. His fingers touched her soft cheek for a second, and their eyes met. He gently traced her eyes with his thumb, his own boring into her thrilling reactions to his touch.

"I hurt you, didn't I?" He looked at her. Though it sounded rhetoric, it was not, and he hoped she would realize it.

"Yes, you did. Deeply, but not irrevocably," it was now Vaanathi's turn to talk. "I was shattered, my Prince. But I told myself, whoever you are happy with, I will be happy for you, even if it destroys me."

Arulmozhi felt tears sting his eyes as she spoke; he had almost lost this selfless maiden. He wanted to cup her cheeks and kiss her forehead, but he restrained himself. He didn't have such rights.

She continued, "But when I saw you at the Nandhi Mandapam, your eyes still spoke of such affection for me, even after I had decided to let you go for your sake... you gave me hope again, a hope I had thought had been crushed."

He silently listened, waiting for her to finish. The small smile she gave him told him he had made the right choice.

"My Prince, I wanted to love you from afar, but why are you coming so close? Can the water dream of going near the Sun?"

"Water is absorbed by the Sun, because only water can hold the Sun so close within, and only the Sun can merge the water within," he said softly. "In this journey of realization, let me tell you this, Vaanathi. I am the Sun only because you are the water, ready to reflect me, ready to accept me with open arms and with no judgement. I am, because you are. I am sorry for not realizing it before."

Vaanathi's doe eyes held tears, tears he itched to wipe away as they fell. He saw the silent permission in her eyes, and he wiped them ever so gently, cupping her jaw.

"Vaanathi, I am deep in love with you. Will you be my partner for life?"

With tears spilling down her burnished golden cheeks, she nodded, looking down out of bashfulness. He lifted her chin up and met her eyes, the two gazing at each other for a long moment. In a sudden move, they fell into an intimate embrace, both rejoicing in their union.

"I will, my Prince. I will. To be yours is what I was born for."

He closed his eyes to control his happy tears and held her close. He wanted this moment to last as long as possible.

Everything else could wait.

******

You might all wonder why Poonkuzhali has not come up here much. It is because I wanted to give them their own sweet moment. A follow up sequel to solve the issue of Poonkuzhali will come, maybe a month or so later.

I have other things with respect to Ponniyin Selvan that you can all expect!

@ahamasmiyodhah @thegleamingmoon @yehsahihai @mahaswrites @hum-suffer @theramblergal @moon-880 @arachneofthoughts @whippersnappersbookworm @rang-lo @celestesinsight @willkatfanfromasia @mahi-wayy @ragkee @houseofbreadpakoda @sambaridli @nidhi-writes @hollogramhallucination @writersiya @chaliyaaa @mahaswrites @leoprincess21

[gatheringbones]

[“I can say as an adult who’s since spent the bulk of my career reporting on sexual and reproductive health, gender, violence, and identity that the course of my life might have been different if my ninth grade health class had taught us about more than just a house-of-horrors catalog of the different kinds of STIs. Nothing we learned even vaguely challenged the reality that I and all teenage girls had been socialized to attach our self-worth to pleasing others, to make male figures in our lives happy no matter the cost to us, and to regard our own happiness, certainly our own pleasure, as an afterthought. Hyperfocused demand for better, accurate, and wide-ranging sex ed programs in public schools is, inevitably, an oversimplified solution that ignores how not all sex ed is good or even accurate. Rather, bad sex ed and puritanical policing are passed between generations—and who is going to intervene to teach sex ed teachers to teach better sex ed?

The consequences of bad sex ed impact the trajectory of a young person’s life. Shortly after being forced into a sexual encounter at sixteen that I would come to understand in my adult life as a sexual assault, I continued to partake in—on my end—deeply unenthusiastic sexual relationships. As if the discomforts and general awfulness of bad sex weren’t punitive enough, eventually, inevitably, the situation spiraled out of my control. I can still vividly remember being belittled by drugstore clerks on multiple occasions, first when I pooled together savings from my after-school job to buy emergency contraception locked away behind counters, and later when I purchased a pregnancy test. A doctor berated me after I disclosed that I had been having unprotected sex, asking if I were purposefully trying to become pregnant and “throw my life away,” and prompting me to conceal pretty important truths from medical professionals for years out of fear of being similarly shamed.”]

kylie cheung, from survivor injustice: state-sanctioned abuse, domestic violence, and the fight for bodily autonomy, 2023

[goldduststevie]

whenever you have time could you give me a brief recap of stevie and joe walsh relationship or tell me where i can find some good information about it? because i never really understood her obsession with him and why she insists on calling him the love of her life and all that when he doesn't seem to care much about her

Lol, nobody understood that or why she would refer to him as "the love of my live" that many years later. But I think it's has to do with Stevie going crazy with grief after her bff Robin died in 1982, spiralling drug and alcohol use, realising that her marriage to Kim Anderson was a big mistake. And then, enter Joe (he was booked as the opener for her Wild Heart tour), so very different from her husband, all rock and roll, just as crazy as her and just as much drugs as her. Stevie just fell in love. He also had a daughter that died in a tragic accident, Stevie wrote "Has Anyone Ever written Anything For You" about that.

I'm gonna link you to some posts from the archive with some more context:

[nothing0fnothing]

As a survivor of childhood violence by two narcissistic abusive parents, my mother's delusions made it incredibly difficult for me to remain in contact with her into my adulthood, long after the abuse had "stopped."

My mother has this delusion that she was the "primary victim" of the abuse. In my naive younger years I was happy to see her as a victim, but she didn't want to be seen as a victim just like my siblings and myself were as children. She wanted to be seen as the "bigger" victim, or the "worse" victim.

Basically, even though she was just as active an abuser as her husband was, and her role in facilitating and enabling the abuse was instrumental in allowing it to go on as long as it did, she wanted her pain and "healing" to take precedent. And I let her do it for an embarrassingly long while.

When I didn't want to follow my mum down the isle on the day she got married. Married to man who, aside from all the constant bouts of abuse he'd inflicted on me and my sister our entire childhood, had knocked me unconscious and thrown water he believed to be boiling over me a few weeks before. I didn't want her to marry him. And I really didn't want to be her bridesmaid when it happened. But the dress was bought and mum really needed a happy day, and she's a victim too right?

When she said she didn't want me to move out of her home and insisted I stay with her and her husband while they both abused me, I allowed it. Because she's a victim too, right?

When she demanded I not start private therapy until she was "ready" because she couldn't cope with the idea I might be talking about her to my therapist, I let her get her way. Because hey, mum's a victim and she needs to heal too, right?

It didn't matter that she was also an abuser, and that she did nothing to protect any of her children, and that she had faced not even a fraction of the violence in her whole marriage that she herself had leveled against us at any given time in our lives. Mum was a victim and I had to support her. Even if supporting her meant setting myself on fire so she could stay warm.

I'd done it all my youth and I was prepared to do it all my adulthood too. Until one day, living alone in a tiny flat, I started having this anxiety attacks. These head spinning, can't breathe, ohmygodI'mgoingtodie anxiety attacks. And with the dizzying nausea and the sense of impending doom, I'd get these white cold flashes of memories.

My mum smiling while I cried. My mum dragging me by my hair. My mum swinging household objects at me. My mum with a knife. My mum holding my face under water. My mum calling me a liar. My mum hurting the other kids. My mum taking the violence too far.

And I just, crumbled.

Each anxiety attack brought a new memory that would spiral around in my memory and wouldn't even go away when the next attack came. In a few weeks I had a mental breakdown, but over the course of months I had collected this highlight reel of all my mother's worst moments. Side by side, in context, right after the other. It felt like I was finally seeing a full picture. Like she'd done some sort of sleight of hand trick and hidden what was in plain sight from me for years, but here it was, in my memory all along.

All it took was my own lived experiences to see through her delusion. The delusion she desperately wanted to share with me. This delusion that she had it worse or deserved it less or that her pain was somehow more valuable than mine. I realised she needed me to believe all that, because if I didn't, if I saw the truth, that she was evil and cruel and chose to marry a man just as cruel as her, I'd have the power to speak out.

She was living her delusion for a while. People thought she was some domestic abuse survivor. This badass ex battered woman turned pillar of strength post divorce. And then her kids went no contact and speaking up about our lives. Our whole lives. Bad look right? Almost everybody that knew her before stopped returning her calls.

She still likes to pretend when she can get away with it. She tells new friends and boyfriends and whoever will listen to her that she's just this sad victim of circumstances and all her kids took her exes side in the divorce how sad. I'm sure it works on the more gullible ones.

It doesn't work on me or my siblings anymore though. That's really all that matters.

[icrypop]

Can I request an poly sbg x idol reader who had their first encore show after releasing their new album "insert card" but get attacked by a saseng (I hope I spelled that right) and accidentally kills the saseng :3

Poly School Bus Graveyard x Idol Reader - Sasaeng Attack

Ashlynn, Taylor/Tyler, Ben, Aiden, Logan

WARNINGS: Talks about harm, accidental killing, trauma

I tried going for the more mental/phycological aspect of it instead of legal because I like focusing on how they'd comfort you bc this can be traumatic depending on the person. Also, I promise I've seen all the requests and I'm moving through them the best I can! Thank you for your guys' patience, I appreciate it a lot!

-Writer Icy<3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The reader, a successful idol, has just completed their first encore show following the release of their new album, "Probably Miss" The atmosphere is electric, with the audience still buzzing from the performance. However, the celebration is cut short when a sasaeng fan—someone with an unhealthy obsession—manages to get too close.

The Attack:

The Moment: As the reader is leaving the venue, the sasaeng lunges at them with dangerous intent. The fan, holding a large dosage of something in a syringe attempting to swing at the reader, In the heat of the moment, the reader defends themselves instinctively, and in the struggle, the sasaeng is accidentally killed by their own syringe. A reverse tactic that the Banner family taught them in self defense.

Shock and Guilt: The reader is immediately overcome with shock, guilt, and disbelief. The reality of what has just happened hits them hard—they never intended to cause harm, let alone take a life. The situation spirals out of control, and the reader is left reeling, unsure of how to process the traumatic event.

Ashlynn:

Immediate Comfort: Ashlynn is the first to rush to the reader’s side, pulling them away from the scene and wrapping them in a protective embrace. She whispers soothing words, trying to calm the reader’s trembling form. Ashlynn knows that the reader acted in self-defense, but she’s heartbroken by the emotional toll it’s taking on them.

Emotional Anchor: Ashlynn stays close to the reader in the days following the incident, offering a constant source of comfort and reassurance. She helps them navigate their feelings of guilt and fear, reminding them that they did what they had to do to protect themselves.

Tyler:

Protective Rage: Tyler’s first reaction is a surge of anger—not at the reader, but at the situation. He’s furious that someone would put the reader in such a dangerous position and is quick to take on a more protective role, ensuring that something like this never happens again.

Silent Support: Though he’s seething inside, Tyler keeps his emotions in check around the reader, knowing they need his strength. He doesn’t push them to talk about what happened but stays close, ready to listen whenever they’re ready to open up.

Taylor:

Distracting Comfort: Taylor’s initial response is to distract the reader from the trauma. She knows they’re overwhelmed and tries to lighten the mood with gentle humor or engaging activities, anything to take their mind off the incident.

Gradual Processing: Over time, Taylor encourages the reader to talk about their feelings, helping them process the event in a way that feels less overwhelming. She’s there for every step of their emotional recovery, offering a balance of lightheartedness and serious support.

Aiden:

Empathetic Comfort: Ben is devastated by what the reader has gone through and is deeply empathetic to their pain. He’s constantly by their side, offering hugs, comforting words, and a shoulder to cry on. Ben’s heart aches for the reader, and he does everything he can to ease their emotional burden.

Reassurance: Ben repeatedly reassures the reader that they did nothing wrong, that they were forced into an impossible situation. He’s persistent in reminding them that they are still a good person, despite what happened.

Ben: 

Quiet Vigilance: Logan’s reaction is one of quiet vigilance. He becomes hyper-aware of the reader’s emotional state, watching for signs of distress and stepping in when they need support. Logan understands the reader’s guilt and tries to help them see that they’re not to blame.

Protective Presence: Logan becomes even more protective of the reader, ensuring that they’re never left alone and that no one else can get close enough to harm them. He’s the silent guardian, always there to catch them when they fall.

Logan:

Pragmatic Support: Aiden immediately goes into problem-solving mode. He takes charge of handling the legal and media fallout, ensuring that the reader is protected from any further harm. He’s methodical in his approach, keeping the reader’s best interests at the forefront.

Emotional Stability: Aiden provides a sense of calm and stability, helping the reader regain their footing after the traumatic event. He offers logical reassurance, explaining the situation in a way that helps the reader come to terms with what happened.

The group rallies around the reader, each offering their unique form of support as they navigate the aftermath of the attack. The reader’s journey to healing is difficult, filled with moments of guilt, fear, and sadness. But with the gang by their side, offering unwavering love and understanding, the reader slowly begins to recover. Over time, they come to terms with what happened, finding peace in the knowledge that they are surrounded by people who care for them deeply and would do anything to protect them.

[luvscrazy]

"If its meant to be it'll be." PT. 7

Ex's to Lovers - Fem reader X Han Jisung (SKZ)

Summary: You and Han have been dating for 3 months but have been best friends for a long time and one day while you’re getting ready you get an unexpected text from him.

Han Jisung x Fem Reader

Note: If you guys want me to continue this let me know, its almost been scraped!

——————————————-------------------------------

James POV: 

I had left her house. The overwhelming feeling of uncertainty about what could manifest from that meeting haunts him. He doesn’t deserve her, and he knows she’ll go back in a heartbeat. My love for her wants to tell her to stop and turn back around, but I don't because she needs to make her own decisions. But I'll be here when he says something dumb, which he probably will. She’ll overthink what he's told, and it will send her into a spiral. I’ll be here to hold her and keep her heart full, from the one who’s broken it. 

Y/N POV:

As I'm driving to meet up with Han I feel a pit of nervousness. I keep thinking about James' words. He’s right. I do deserve better. But the thought of Han, his warm skin, eyes, and his round face roamed my thoughts. At the perfect moment, the song that he dedicated to her appeared on the radio. “Love Song”, by 311 was playing. In the lyrics, there’s a specific part that he wanted her to feel whenever he was far away on tour and she did. “However far away, I will always love you”,  the lyric she had held onto for him. I wished he meant the last part. If he “always loved me”, why would he have done that to me? That's the part that gets me. The pain of nostalgia plays in my head. The moments we shared. The dates, the moments I would come and visit him at his concerts, and the nights we lay next to each other in bed. I loved those nights. His warm body against mine. His allonging scent that I loved so much. His muscular arms wrapped around my body, and held me wherever I needed them to. The soft and rough kisses he would give me were filled with desire. They always fired up the butterflies in my stomach that lay deep down. That smile would appear while he was sleeping. It always made me wonder if he was dreaming of me. A faint smile appears on my face. I won’t deny I dislike him. I can’t hate him. I can’t hate his honey skin, boba eyes, pearly white teeth, his round face, and his perfect pouty lips. What I hate is that I can’t hate him. 

 “This better all not be for nothing..”, I say to myself as I'm closer to reaching his destination. 

Han's POV: 

I'm waiting in the cold. Winter has finally come. This is her favorite season, and that's why I love and hate it. She loves to wear her grandma's sweaters, her hot coco with extra marshmallows, and her smiley face when making snowmen with bent twigs for arms. I smile when thinking about that. I loved that stupid smile of hers. My puffy coat traps the warmth of my body inside. That same warmth is the one that kept her cold during the harsh winter nights. She’d cuddle up against my chest. I would feel her hair tickle my neck, and her small snores she let out. I wasn’t fond of her snoring, but I dealt with it. The warm smile she would make while she was sleeping. That same smile I would compliment every day. Her pouty lips would tempt me every time I was at my concerts. Her lips felt warm against mine and always had me coming back for more. She knew how to get me. I’d hate to admit it but she does deserve better than me. I’m such a fool. I choose physical love over real love. I hate myself for that every day. I know I hurt her, and at the time I didn’t care. It was about what I wanted, not her. I hate that I left her like that. Alone. She always loved being alone, but I know she didn’t after what I did. I hope she’s taken care of herself more. I breathe in and out the cold air, and kick the snow that's under my shoes. I see a familiar car start to pull up. There she is. She’s walking towards me. I try to hide my nervousness and be nonchalant. She’s still beautiful. She’s wearing her grandma's sweater under a big puffy jacket she has on. She always gets cold easily, so I bet she got a hot cocoa before she came here. Once she reaches me, she looks around where we’re at. 

“Why are we at a park?” She asks. 

“Thought we could go for a little walk. Come on.”, I say as I lead her down a path. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Love song by 311, is one of my favorites! its worth a listen!.

[mermaidsirennikita]

I need a recommendation for a contemporary romance novel that is not a billionaire, sport or workplace romance that is Open Door to explicit open door?

I'm sorry billionaire romances might as well be fantasy novels IMO.

Fortunately for you I ONLY read open door to extremely explicit open door so all my contemporaries are along those lines lol

The Roommate by Rosie Danan. The heroine has to get a last minute roommate after the friend she thought she was in love with bails to go on tour with his band... and she ends up living with an adult film star. They do start working on a project together late in the book (not a film) but it's not a workplace romance at all lol. So fun!

Glitterland by Alexis Hall. M/M, a down on his luck bipolar author has a one night stand with a radically different (in a class way and a personality way--this book handles UK class stuff really well) glittery sparkly guy, who then unexpectedly stays the weekend at his place and they sort of fall into a relationship together?

You, Again by Kate Goldbeck. A 21st century take on When Harry Met Sally, the hero and heroine meet when they realize they're both hooking up with the same girl. After some rough starts, they eventually end up as friends... but obviously, there's a ton of UST and he's falling in love with her and she CANNOT deal with that reality.

Forget Me Not by Julie Soto. Borderline workplace because the heroine is a wedding planner and the hero is a florist she's using for a wedding, but functionally not. This is a second chance romance; they were together in the past, but she's a commitmentphobe (as a commitmentphobe, I love a commitmentphobe hereoine) and screwed it up. So now they're thrown back together for a new wedding, and it gets Complicated. Also, there's an amazing scene were they're in the bath together and she's ranting out work stress and he basically is like "let me help" and reaches around to... help.

The Other Side of Disappearing by Kate Clayborn. This one is a bit softer on the sex, but it's definitely not closed door. The heroine's mom ran off with a con artist years ago, and the con artist was the subject of a famous podcast before he disappeared and kind of left it on a cliffhanger. The podcaster and her sort of protegee (the hero, a very Soft ex football player) show up to pick up where it left off, and the heroine and her sister end up on a roadtrip to find the mom together.

Friends Don't Fall in Love by Erin Hahn. The heroine was an up and coming country singer before she got cancelled for singing a protest song about gun control. Her fiance, another country singer, then dumped her, and she impetuously hooked up with his collaborator/friend. Years later, he's her landlord, and they start collaborating again to revive her career.

I would also recommend Kylie Scott's Stage Dive series (rock stars, but not billionaires); I like all of them, but I loooove Lead (the frontman for the band, a recovering addict, lives with his assistant/sober living companion; she realizes she's in love with him, and as a no-nonsense bitch is like "I'm quitting", to which he says, "NONONONONO"; has a scene where they fuck on the kitchen table to get it out of their systems and he like, immediately stagger-runs away) and Deep (the bass player has a one night stand with the drummer's new baby sister-in-law, and oops, she's PREGNANT).

Kristen Callihan's VIP series (again, rock stars but not billionaires) is also very good, though I don't like the first book. I do recommend Managed (about the band manager becoming platonic nap partners with the new photographer/social media manger; he's uptight and she's Not, he sniffs her dirty panties, she undoes him, it's great); Fall (one of the band's front men is recovering mentally from a suicide attempt, finds out he has an STI, is super ashamed and spiraling mentally... then becomes friends with the girl who's like, house sitting for another bandmate, I think? And she's a Professional Friend?); and Exposed (the band's publicist, their childhood female friend, enters into a FWB situation with the one member of the band she can't stand).

Kennedy Ryan's Skyland series is good, too. Before I Let Go is about a divorced couple that realizes they still have feelings for each other; This Could Be Us is about a rich housewife whose husband is thrown in jail for financial crimes, unexpectedly finding love with the forensic computer guy who turned him in.

Helen Hoang's books are really good too, but I especially love The Kiss Quotient, which is about a woman on the spectrum who hires a male sex worker in an effort to become better at dating (it's actually so sweet... also hot).

Of course, I enjoy Talia Hibbert--Act Your Age, Eve Brown is probably my favorite, but that's a bit of a workplace book, as she works for him at a B&B. Otherwise, try Get a Life, Chloe Brown, which is about a woman with a chronic illness deciding to take control of her life, and her neighbor helping her out and in the process falling in love with her.

Fwiw, I think all romances are kinda fantasy!

[ace-din-djarin]

Let it Go, eh?

Another Ted Lasso oneshot for you all! This one is a convo between Jamie and Roy. Warning for canon-typical salty language. Enjoy!

Read on AO3

He doesn’t know why he brings it up. He and Roy are out for coffee, the way they do now sometimes, which is still fucking mental if he thinks too hard about it. Roy’s draining the last of his black coffee – god forbid he give up the theme, even in his fucking food – and something in Jamie just kind of – forces its way through.

“D’you remember,” he blurts, and Roy stops, lowers his cup, watches Jamie expectantly over the lid. Jamie swallows. His words stick in his throat, and he has to swallow again to get the feeling to go away. He hates this; every instinct screams at him to shut up, stop being so fucking weak, in the voice in his head that sounds like his dad, the one he’s been trying and trying to ignore.

“D’you remember,” he tries again, and Roy’s still watching him, eyebrows furrowed, that intense fucking gaze that’s always made Jamie feel like Roy’s x-raying his bones or some shit. “D’you remember, back when Cartrick were still here and we were shit –” Roy snorts at that, but it’s true, innit, they were fucking terrible – “When Cartrick were here, and we were shit, and we played that away match at Liverpool?”

Roy grunts. Jamie’s gonna assume it means yes. “Yeah, and I fucked up, I – tripped, I dunno, tripped over thin fucking air, yeah? And I lost the ball and lost us the match.”

Roy frowns and nods, and his eyebrows haven’t moved an inch, angry caterpillars settling in and making their fucking cock-coons. Jamie shakes his head, a rough jerk, trying to clear that image from his brain.

“Anyway. You – after the match, we were all in the dressing room all sad and shit. And you came up to me and – and said –”

“Let it go, lad,” Roy mutters, under his breath, like he’s repeating the words straight from Jamie’s brain. Jamie nods.

“Yeah. That’s it, just ‘let it go.’ But Roy –” Jamie’s words stick in his throat yet again and he huffs, half annoyed and half filled with this – this echo of astonishment that still sometimes catches him by surprise. “Fuck, Roy, you hated me.” Roy doesn’t even try to disagree, and that makes Jamie grin. “See, y’did, not even denying it. You hated me, and you still said that. Still tried to make it better.”

Roy shrugs, something self conscious in the scrunch of his shoulders. “Just being a captain, weren’t I?”

“Yeah, but like, you’ve seen my dad.”

Roy looks like he just bit into a lemon. “Unfortunately.”

“Right. And how many times d’you think he's ever told me to let something like that go?” And he’s supposed to love him, Jamie doesn’t say. That thought is a little too close to painful at the moment. “All I’m saying is, it meant a lot. Even if you still hated me after.”

Roy’s silent for what feels like ages but is probably less than a minute. Jamie’s hands are shaking just slightly, enough that his own almost-empty cup rattles against the table when he goes to pick it up. Stupid, his fucking brain says, fucking idiot, made it all weird, why’d you go and –

“Thanks, Jamie,” Roy says, breaking through Jamie’s spiral. His voice has gone all soft, and there’s a smile playing at the edge of his mouth, like he’s trying not to let it escape and it’s happening anyway. “Y’know, Phoebe was going through a ‘Frozen’ phase back then.”

It takes Jamie a few beats to connect the dots. “Fuck off,” he groans, and chucks his coffee cup at Roy, who catches it easily. He’s definitely grinning now. “I get all sentimental and shit, and now you’re saying your fucking motivational bullshit was from a fucking Disney movie?”

Roy shrugs, unrepentant. “It’s a good fucking movie, to be fair. And I still meant it.”

It is a good movie. Ted brought it out for movie night once and the room had, predictably, been full of crying grown men by the end.

“Yeah, well,” Jamie mutters, slumping down in his seat and crossing his arms over his chest. He’s not mad, not really, but he still feels like Roy’s taking the piss a bit, and something in his chest stings at that. Roy seems to know it, because he stands up and prods at Jamie’s shoulder until he gets to his feet as well.

“Come on, gotta get back to it,” he says, and his voice is soft again, still with that hint of a smile. “Just let it go, eh?”

Jamie snorts despite himself, and that little twinge eases. “Yeah, yeah. After you, Grandad,” he says, and grins when Roy punches him lightly in the shoulder as he passes by.

[bacteriashowdown]

Spirochaetota

Group: Hydrobacteria

Gram-stain: Negative

Etymology: For Spirochaeta plicatilis. From the Greek "speira", meaning "coil", and "chaete", meaning "hair". The reason for this should be obvious upon looking at the image below.

About: While most bacteria are round or rod-shaped, Spirochaetota stand out for their distinctive spiral form. Rather than moving with external flagella, they use "endoflagella": long filaments, anchored at each tip of the bacterium, that twist around in the periplasmic space between the cell membranes. By twisting the endoflagella, the bacteria are able to move about. This style of movement is what justifies the unique corkscrew shape.

These tightly coiled bacteria are pretty, but they may also be deadly. Some Spirochaetota are pathogenic, and the phylum contains both lyme disease (Borrelia burgdorferi) and syphilis (Treponema pallidum). Syphilis is a neurodegenerative and disfiguring STI, and is highly transmissible. Someone exposed to only 57 individual T. pallidum bacteria already has a 50% chance of contracting the disease. Lyme disease, meanwhile, is best known for its characteristic bulls-eye rash. While not present in all cases, the rash is a result of the bacteria expanding outwards from the infection site, whilst clearing at the center.