#spent so much time pretending to be someone i wasnt

[septemberkisses]

this past year the most important lesson that i learnt was that there's literally no need to play cool, or act as if you don't care in order to please people. instead, it's so so so important to be insane and passionate and intense, and to be loud in your existence; and whoever sticks around is meant for <3

[demonicdeviation]

Natalya and Alexei! my ‘end of the world’ ocs. Some info about them lifted from discord messages to my friends under the cut 

He's (Alexei) the deuteragonist along side an angry, traumatized 15 year old girl named Natalya that he acts kind of like an older brother to and a voice of reason (because someone needs to tell this hurting lonely child that you can reason your way out of a conflict and that stabbing isn't the only option)

tldr for the setting is that America dropped a nuclear bomb on the Ural Mountains in like 1985 and it cut the USSR the west off from Siberia completely, the rest of the world is falling apart but the story only really focuses on Siberia as a setting

technically they're Handmaids Tale ocs but I'm just taking the end of the world scenario Attwood set up and running with it in the complete opposite direction, I watched a single episode and went "americas a fundamentalist shitshow with sex slavery but how's the rest of the world handling the end of the world" and that led me to making these guys

[nyx-is-missing]

Graceland too

Clarisse la rue x fem!reader (Athena's kid)

Sumarry: When a certain daughter of Athena felt unappreciated her whole life, someone was there to see her.

Warnings: Sad girl hours, shitty parenthood, hurt/comfort because im no monster and probably other things wich i forgot.

a/n: look who is back!

Demigod.

Half blood.

Half a goddess.

Half a human (?).

And yet, fully a disappointment.

When Athena sent me to my Dad's house, in a golden crib, dressed in pure white dress, glowing, how the myths would expect a demigod to be, then, and only right then i was a gift.

A piece o divine love, something to prove to him, till the end of his life, that at some point, he was good enough for a Goddess.

But days after, immediately, i was just a crying baby, hungry, with a busy father, without a mother, and that only made him remember that, that was it.

He wasnt good enough for her, she wasnt staying, she never even actually even considered, he would never have that kind of honour, only a crying baby he never expected.

I wasnt a gift anymore, it actually felt like i was a insult, everything about me started to enrage him.

And oh, how did he reminded me of that every single day of my existence.

When i got diagnosed with dyslexia all i've heard whas that Athena gave me up to him because i was defective, when i couldnt sit still during classes, and exploded with all the repression i suffered everyday, suddently i was a clock bomb, when my grades where great, i was never rewarded, it was "the least i could do, to make up for the shame that i was".

I was never loved, never wanted, never encouraged, at least not by him.

The very little love i've known in my life, i own to the people who felt pitty of me.

The teachers, the neighbours who have heard the insults, the stray animals who could sense sadness, the very old grandparents who never actually saw me more than twice a year, and the people who worked at a nerby library, who let me stay past closing time, leaving only with the cleaners.

I was 12 when he had enough and sent me to camp, literally the very day school was over.

I came home to my clothes packed and him waiting by the car keys.

Being in camp for the first time, was also the very first time in my life i have ever felt....normal.

Not good, not bad, not great, not terrible, i was one, and that was enough.

I spend that summer being quiet, i sat in the corner, i didnt spoke, i didnt interrupted, i didnt had any ideas, i wasnt good enough to do that, thats what i've been told my whole life, thats my true.

It took a whole new summer for Athena to claim me.

I have always wondered if she was fighting with herself, if she had any problems having to admit that she made a mistake, with me, or with him.

It didn't matter, for the first time i had brothers and sisters, who wanted me, who understood when i wasnt the best, who asked for my graded tests, to put up in the wall.

They understood when i was hard to crack, when i insisted in being quiet, when i wouldnt share my ideas, they understood it all.

I didn't.

Each and every new summer i spent there, all i could ask myself was:

Why could i not be great like all of them?

Why im still afraid?

Why i was still useless?

Im now sixteen and the same questions still were unanswered.

And today i felt worse than ever.

It was my birthday, and i havent got a single letter from him, nothing, nothing.

It felt like he was saying i wasnt worth anything again.

Earlier, i tried to pretend nothing was happening, smiling with my siblings, finally making plans for capture the flag, finally belonging like i promissed i would try to do that year.

My plan was used, it wasnt perfect, but it was used, and surprising myself and the other team, we won.

I could see the other team confused, and Clarisse cussing us to death.

Still i was so happy, for the first time in my life i showed myself, and i worked....partially.

The happiness of victory didnt last much in me, because i saw a new brother of mine almost bursting to tears, he was young and just got claimed a few days ago, he wasnt used to that, and he wasnt supose to get hurt, but the red that painted his arms said otherwise.

I couldnt stare at him without feeling like i failed again.

Why couldnt i be perfect for once?

I took him to infirmary and held his hand while he was getting his stiches, saying sorry all the time.

I tried thinking it was okay, people get hurt, move on.

I had diner, i took a bath, i tried to sleep, i couldnt.

The tears were falling down and i knew i wouldn't be quiet.

So i got up and walked to the cabin's porch, sitting on the last step and letting my head fall to my knees.

Why couldnt i be great?

Why couldnt i be in peace with myself?

Why couldnt my mom bless me?

Why couldnt my dad love me?

Why did he had to be so mean?

I was a kid for fucks sake.

"Are you okay?" I heard someone saying, that made me freeze, that voice was not from any of my sisters, was i crying so hard i woke up someone from other cabin?

"I- yes, sorry i didn't knew i was crying so hard to wake people from other cabins, im sorry"

"You didn't, i was sneaking out to train some more, and saw you, our cabins face each other"

That was...Clarisse?

I wiped my tears and look up, she was staring at me with a almost worried look

"Clarisse?"

"Yes, why are you crying?"

She sat down by my side, dropping a sword in the grass.

"Its nothing really, im fine, you dont need to bothe-"

"No, cut the crap" she stopped me mid sentence "no one ever weeps in the middle of the night out of happiness, you are not fine and im not letting you lie OR leave until you tell me what it is"

We stare at each other, and ill need to thank the night light being bad because i probably look like crap right now, im sure my eyes are red, my nose too, im probably with a very swollen face and id bet all the dracmas i own that my hair its no better than a nest of birds.

"Go on...tell me"

I layed myself in the stairs, looking at the sky, trying to think of a way to tell everything, without sounding crazy

"I dont deserve to be here, Clarisse."

"Here..where?"

"This cabin, i dont deserve to be called daughter of the goddess of wisdom, i dont deserve being here with them, my siblings they are great, more than good, great, they will do great things with themselfs, amazing writers, architects, brilliant musicians, historians, why am i here? Im not even good, why im with the great?"

"Wait wait wait" she made me sit down again and look at her "not even good? What are you talking about? Wasnt the strategy in the last capture the flag yours? Yall won, and if somebody asks me later i've never said this but that was good, some really good strategy, i was almost thinking of asking chiron to switch you teams, you were great, more than that, and now you're here telling me you are not egen good? Are you on drugs?"

"Clarisse you dont need to pretend you care that much, and my plan wasnt all that, my brother got hurt, that wasnt supose to happen, i failed him, if i was good enough he wouldnt even be there"

She had a very confused look on her face, like she really did not knew what i was talking about.

"You're not talking about the little boy you took to the infirmary and that small cut in his forearm are you? Cause that boy was far from almost dying like you are making it sound like-" she looked at my eyes, i didnt needed a mirror to have sure how i was, i've seen myself like that too much to count, everytime my dad said i wasnt good enough, sad, lifeless.

"I failed again Clarisse, im not good enough to be here, im useless, worthless"

She looked at me and did the last thing i tought she would, Clarisse hugged me.

"Dont say that, c'mon, worthless? I've seen you fight, i've seen your plans, you dont talk much but i've heard your ideas, you are far from being useless or worthless, who the fuck told you that?"

"My f- you heard me?" I looked at her, only to see a look i couldnt distinguish "what do you mean?"

She looked at her own feet, then at her sword, reflecting the moonlight.

"You really dont know?" She looks at me "i- well, i've heard you, the same way i see you everyday, thats how i know you like morning walks, sweet green grapes, baked goods...how i know you are probably the only child of Athena who has never read "the art of war", that you walk without looking at peoples faces....its weird, i've seen you so much throughout this years and it feels like this is the first time you are actually seeing me"

"But i've saw you before-"

"Thats not what i was saying, you looked at me many times, but did you ever saw me until today?"

I looked at her blinking, and after a moment of silent i said "you like dark chocolate, and lemon flavoured soda, and sneaking out to train when the harpies take their breaks, by the way you missed that, and you always ask for double the quantity of food you eat, so when you burn it you still can eat enough, by the way i stole that idea-"

She is smilling, big, really big, i think i am too.

Of course i saw Clarisse, who wouldnt, she was strong, brave, beautiful, to me was a wonder she didnt had people running to get her attention.

She got closer to me "does that mean i can-" i stopped her mid sentence again

"Maybe..."

"Im going to make you forget that "im not good enough" nonsense, belive me"

She is smilling while kissing me, and i am too.

[hiwelcometothemonstersancturary]

Did Mommy ever get over the fact that Prototype used her kid's voice, or at least make some amend with that fact that they did? Cause I wouldn't be happy if someone else was using my kid's voice to truck others.

Prototype used little Theo's voice when pretending to be Ollie! But yeah, it took MLL some time to recover from the shock, mostly because of how long it took for Prototype to properly apologise. MLL felt for a moment like Ollie could have been saved, only for that to have been snatched away from her thanks to a cruel twist of events. She knew that voice wasn't his – but she wanted so badly to be wrong about it. Angel helped her a lot, but Prototype getting his shit together and admitting that using Ollie's name to befriend Poppy wasn't a good idea.

Mommy Long Legs was just a kid when she was tasked with the role of a mother and a wife to two other toys she never met before. She resented Baby Long Legs, and the fight that led to his death was one where she shouted at him and told him she never wanted to be a mother in the first place. She spent so much time wanting to say sorry, that it wasnt Baby's fault he became hers, but she never will be able to say sorry.

At least now she can be herself instead of the thing Playtime wanted her to be.

[kuni-is-daddy]

Hi can I please ask for a yandere Scaramouche with a darling that has social anxiety and wears Jirai Kai

Fashion because cute and it works as a coping mechanism and where the darling doesn't fight back even after being kidnapped

YANDERE SCARAMOUCHE X FEMALE READER.

1.43k words. Scara masterlist

TW:? Signals of anxiety, mild bullying(recording)

FT: yae miko and mentions of tartaglia.

Scara's oufit for your 'date' ->> Link

Part 2!

Its been weeks, months, years? even since you've been kidnapped by your ex-boyfriend but the constant memories of his killings we're engraved in your mind. It didnt matter how far you ran or who you called for help. He'd always find you, and always bring you back into the same room he kept you in. To the point where eventually you just stopped trying after truly realizing he's killed everyone, accepting this life as your new normal. His normal. Scara was purely addicted to you. Always cooking for you, sleeping with you and even buying you plushies. Everything he did, Was purely for you.

You laid in the bed of your messy room in one of his shirts. Slurping on your favorite drinks while listening to your comfort songs with your black Bluetooth headphones. You didnt have much left at this point. Just the things you enjoyed alone. And alone was how you wanted to keep it. "Darling? Where are you?" Scara said while locking the door to your shared house. You threw another empty can of your drink on the floor, pausing the song and putting your headphones on your counter. Covering your head under the sheets and pretending to be asleep as you could hear his geta sandals click along the floor. The doorknob turned as the blood covered male entered. Immediately searching the room for you. "Oh. Your here love, did you miss me?" You gripped tighter onto the sheets, Feeling his weight press onto the bed. He scanned the room again, looking at the mess. Plushies scatter along the floor, Your books messily on display ontop of your little table. Along with your pretty black hairclips he bought for you. He sighed. Lifting the blanket away from you with little to no effort. "Good morning, y/n." But you didnt turn around. "Hah so you did miss me." He smirked, noticing you wearing his shirt. Scara then rubbed his hands along your back, You shivered in response. "Your still scared..good to know Dont be darling, I wont ever hurt you. Look at me."

Ironic, After all he's done scara was still able to tell white lies in your face. You turned around. Scara was covered in blood along his face and hands, Coating his fatui kimono in a metaled smell. "Sc-Kuni..Your bleeding.." He raised his brows, Looking at the blood along his fingers as if it wasnt even a problem. "Oh hah. That. Dont worry about it darling, It isnt mine." 'Thats even worse.' you thought. "I want to take you out today love. lets-" "NO!" you yelled. "I-i dont want to go out. I want to stay home." He sighed and cupped your cheek. "You know i cant do that anymore sweetheart." It was true, Scara couldnt afford to keep you home as much anymore. Whenever he did and would leave for a long time due to his association with the fatui, you'd just be long gone running off into inazuma. Anywhere Away from him. You spent day's practicing what you'd say to someone about him and for help, Trying desperately to cast aside the pit you had in your chest when talking. "P-please my boyfrien- No, He kidnapped me and!-" "Kid, this isnt a joke. You and your boyfriend can go do your sadistic cosplays somewhere else. Dont waste the Kujou clans time." 'cosplay?' and that was another thing, People never even took what your wore seriously except for scara so what was the point of going outside anymore?

Your heartbeat began to quicken out of fear how he'd react. You stopped laying down and sat up. "Y/n, Darling-" "Then what if i Run away! huh?! W-would you let me stay home then?" He laughed at your example. "How childish, Even if you did, We both know you wouldnt make it far darling. Now please, Go get dressed."

You stepped outside, Still holding the plushie he gave you in one hand. Scara held his hand out for you, "Fuck..You look beautiful darling." You looked up to him as he gave another sadistic grin. The two of you walked through inazuma city while holding hands. You tuned scara out while he muttered more nonsense about his job, a ginger haired boy you never met and how he cant wait until he gets the month off. One whole month to spend with you, Second after second. "Ugh.. You see her clothes? She looks so unprofessional." A older woman whispered by the dango stall. "I know right. She looks like a hoe honestly, You know? those girls that sell themselves out to those big nobushi guys for money." The two girls laughed as you walked pass them. Your heart began beating in a sharp pain again, You held onto kuni's hand tighter while the male was in his daze. "K-kuni.." you mumbled; He immediately turned his head to you after using his real name. "C-can we go home? Please, I dont want to stay outside anymore." He gave a concerned expression, trying to hold in his patience. "W-why daring? We didnt even make it to the store, I wanted to buy you more of your Jirai kai outfits you love. Come on, lets go. I even had ajax request some of those plushies you like from scenzhnaya" He pulled at your hand but you tugged in response. Triggering memories from when he first attacked you. "N-NO! i dont WANT TO GO KUNI!" the two girls looked in shock, then pulling out their phones to record your meltdown and slowly follow the two of you walk. "Darling. Come on. Dont make me-" Scara sighed and let go of your hand, Trying to resume his 'calm' manners. Ajax told him to work on.

The two of you walked to yae publishing house, Where a pink haired woman addressed you. "Ah. If it isnt kubuki, My my who is this beautiful girl you have with you now?" 'now?' did have another girl before you? "I dont feel like indulging in your games today, Youkai. Did Ajax bring what i ordered?" He sighed. "Ajax? Who?" She searched through her working papers. "Hm...Oh that ginger rascal. Yeah your stuff is over there." "Stay right here." He gestured to you. "Say arent you a gift, Is he treating you well? You know..I happen to be good friends with his mother." Yae miko said, you nodded your head vigorlessly. "Y-yes! I love Kuni alot, He is very nice." Miko giggled in response. 'Kuni huh. What an interesting name he took after this time.' "Is that so dear? You look a little exhausted, A beautiful girl as you shouldnt be tearing up now." She handed you a tissue. "T-thank you ms youkai. I-im sorry..I just really want to go home and relax." You wiped your eyes. "Really dear? and why haven't you?" "W-well.." you ranted off to miko about the two girls who've been bothering you on your walk with kuni. "I-i just wish people didnt look at me this way, I love my clothes they make me feel really-" "Comfortable?" She cut you off. "Y-yeah! and kuni likes them too. I just feel happy and more confident you know?" You continued the conversation with yae miko as her welcoming aura calmed you down from your breakdown.

From across the desk Kuni listened into your conversation. "Two girls with phones, short hair and purple kimonos." Thats all he needed to know. He laughed at the women. Not about you but the fact that they had the audacity to even do that while he was around. Or even say those things to you. He emerged from behind the stall with the plushies. Watching as your eyes lit up when he handed them to you. A warm smile appeared on his face as he hugged you. Not wanting to let you out of his grasp again. Kuni told you to go eat at a stall and wait for him to catch up as he 'had some issues with the delivery' and conversed with yae miko. "The fuck do you think your doing? I dont care how you pretend to care for humans to please over your god, But You have no business to ever be bothered with her. Do you understand that?" He leaned over the desk. "Well..Since you asked so nicely, Id rather believe im doing you a favor, puppet. My, Y/n was much more comfortable talking to me about her problems more than shes ever talked to you yes? Shouldnt you be more. Approachable to your s/o?" She smirked. "I am. Approachable. Why does it even matter to you? Dont you have more important things to do like writing lewd storys about humans like some sadist? I dont think ei would like that would she?" the two of them stopped arguing to the sound of two girls talking. Two girls in purple kimonos... "Hm. I believe those are the two you are looking for, Kubuki? "

Scara grabbed your hand as you nearly dropped your dango. Following the girls eagerly with a giant grin on his face. "Ah- Kuni! Why are you in a rush we-" The girls walked inside a house within the outskirts of inazuma. You puffed off your skirt and continued to eat dango. "Here." He said, "These we're the girls bothering you my love?" Suddenly the mood changed and the sinking feeling in your heart came back once more. "...Girls?..k-Kuni!? did you follow them?!" He ignored your words and gestured for you to wait behind the trees for him. Knocking on the door as a faint glow of lightning emerged from his hands, forming a purple katana that could resemble the masou no hitotachi.

You held onto your plushie tight as the sounds of screams and cries erupted within the area. Slowly coming to grasps with what he was doing. Kuni was getting rid of the girls that hurt you. The ones that made you lash out and practically ruin what could have been a good day for you. A small giggle came out of your mouth, Which you immediately stopped by shoving the last piece of dango into your mouth. 'No. Kuni is still evil, he's still the bastard that even made my life like this!' you turned around when the screams and cries died down. only to be greeted by kuni right infront of you covered in blood and smashing his lips against yours right Infront of the tree. Giving an irritated sigh at the surprisingly sweet taste from your mouth, yet still on his high from the people he killed.

[turnin9pag3]

sigh.

i think im a james potter kinnie in the most shameful way possible because yes i relate to being social and having lots of friends but more than that i relate to feeling like you’re constantly doing either too much or not enough and people lose interest in me and i feel like shit because what did i fuck up but then i go and loose interest when i know its not that persons fault i just cant help myself but to hate everyone because i hate myself. and like james im too loud all the time so much so that when i finally decide to be quiet i have people shoving their concerns down my throat and i dont know how to appreciate it when all i want is to be left alone. lately ive been feeling like there something misplaced in me because all i want is to spend my last week of school with my friends and be happy and enjoy my time but all i can think about is i dont want to be here and i dont want to be touched and i dont want to see these people because these people keep talking and my head hurts and my eyes hurt and im feeling dizzy and none of this looks real anymore and im not sure what to do with myself anymore. and i would hate to hurt their feelings because its truly not their fault but like i said theres something wrong with me. i think im just a rotten soul and im fucked up in way unknown to most. as james would, i feel judged after everything i say and i feel ridiculed for every decision i make and i feel like they dont want to listen to me at all they just keep me around to have someone for themselves and a part of me knows thats not true but the larger part of me wont let me fully believe that. and i feel like james in the way i dont know how to do anything casually and i love with my entire soul but i hate with my entire soul too and when im in something im fully in. and its such a fault to have because i like people more than people like me all i just end up hurting myself because as much as i tell myself im not i think i still like that one guy from august and my miss my best friend when i cant call her that anymore and the girl ive known since 2nd grade is barley answering my texts and summer is coming i feel like everyone is going to forget about me and what if i forget about everyone and i dont want to be forgotten. and i feel like james because i feel overbearing when i ask to hang out with people and annoying. and i feel like im being made fun of every time i speak and i have to pretend that it doesnt bother me but it does. and im like james because all i want is someone to talk to and thatll listen to me but i know how hard it is to stay attentive when i talk because i talk so much about stuff no one cares about and i try to hide it but it hurts more than id like to admit because everyone cares about what they have to say and i sit and i listen but when i talk they leave the room or change the topic or turn up the music or outright tell me they dont care. joke or not it hurts. like james i spent most of my childhood being told im too loud or too intense or talk too much or too chaotic or too dramatic or talk too fast and like james i think no matter how much confidence i fein in my teen years ill never grow away from the 6 year old girl that everyone called a psycho because she had emotions too big that she didnt know how to deal with yet and they wernt her fault. it wasnt her fault she got her dads anger issues and tendencies to scream or her mothers ability to feel everything twice as strong as she should. and now im 15 and its still not my fault but ive suppressed it so far im not 100% sure how to feel that deeply anymore.

[gingersp1ce547]

Thiago was not expecting to be dad. Not now, nor anytime in the future. He knew how he was, and the life he led. Neither of which were suited for parenthood even though since his own father passed the idea of what kind of one he would be refused to leave his head.

Would he be able to give them half as good as a childhood as the one his father gave him? Would he leave them grieving and wondering how much of their father they knew like he did?

Should someone that shot a 15 year old in the foot be trusted with a child at all?

In the end these questions didn’t matter. Because he had a kid now and she was a sentient egg.

Fortunately, his work on the island was much less dangerous than it was back in brazil. So he could bring hope with him on his daily rounds. She seemed to like it a lot, which was a good thing because he wasn’t sure what he would do with her if she didnt other than leave her in the house with cesar but she spent more than enough time with the hacker already.

Before they had learned what liz had been up to and saved hope, thiago had been spending a lot of time with one badboyhalo. After he had saved dapper bad insisted on giving him a gift, which ended up being a whole thing of enchanted gear. He took some of it but he kept a couple pieces of his old set that liz and cesar had enchanted on, and the rest in an unsorted chest somewhere in his room like everything else he couldn’t get rid of.

He kept hanging around bad after that. Mostly because he was a real good source of information on pretty much everything happening on the island, but also because something he said to Thiago once wouldn’t seem to leave his mind.

Bad was asking about what thiago did before the island, around a month into their stay here they decided it would be ok to tell people the truth as long as they didn’t go into too much detail, so he did. Only for bad to reply “why would somebody marked by death want to fight her creatures?”

“What?”

Bad tiled his head like some kind of owl. His pure white eyes staring through thiago from under his hood. “Or at least i think it’s death. Maybe not our goddess but something similar.”

He looked thiago up and down once more. “Do you not feel it?”

The urge to throw off his hoodie and run to the nearest mirror to double check that the symbol of that fucking place was still gone was tempting. But thiago knew he didnt need it. He knew what it was like for his hand to not be his hand and this wasn’t it.

He shook his head, forcing his tongue to move from where it had glued itself to the top of his mouth, “No.”

Bad made a noise of curiosity in response but moved on. Thiago wasn’t sure if it was out of noticing his discomfort or something else entirely but he thanked the change of pace.

Unfortunately, the fact that he even got that bit of information in the first place meant he needed to go back and continue to prod for more

So far hed gotten out of bad that only the rest of team was “marked” like this. Some clearly were by an entity like thiago, cesar and arthur (bad upset about blood), but with joui and liz it was unclear. Same went for the mark itself, which bad described as almost being fuzzy. Like fog was obscuring his vision of it.

He was pretty sure that this was all bad knew, but bad was bad and liked to be a tricky little shit. One of his coworkers once wrote an article just for fun about creatures from folklore across the world. He was bored on his break and read it which was a good thing because he was not unconvinced that bad wasnt some sort of Irish fae creature. It definitely wouldn’t be the strangest thing a person was on the island (that was etoiles).

Even if bad didnt know anything else about their team, he definitely knew a lot about what happened on island, Especially when it came to politics, or as liz liked to call it, a telenovela pretending to be politics. Which was a blessing in disguise as it made writing about it much less boring on thiago’s part.

Hope was with him today since her quests had already been completed for the week. They bounced across the map as he handed out the latest information about the islands happenings as well as gathered it.

Cellbit and roier were off being sickeningly romantic somewhere and hope asked very politely if she could go say hi to him. Not that thiago would ever say to no to something asked as sweetly as that, he told her yes since Cellbit was technically also her dad even if it was only like 5% since he helped in the investigation to find her.

They then headed to pierre’s to restock on some potions, only to find him and maximus… maybe arguing? Thiago wasnt really sure but it could have also been flirting, or manipulation. It could go many many different ways with those two and honestly even though it was his job to know, thiago didnt wanna know. Neither did he want hope to have to witness it. So he quickly sweeped her up into his arms and turned back around to the teleporter.

She gave him a look of silent curiosity but didn’t ask. He was thankful for it today as opposed to usual worriedness. She had been alone in one spot for so long, and had so much curiosity about the world. Thaigo (and the rest for the team) wanted her to be cautious of the what she was getting into yes, but he also wanted her to feel safe enough to be able to run up to a flower she liked without asking if it was ok first.

Deciding to foster her curiosity at the cost of having to try and find a child friendly way to explain whatever the fuck pierre and max had going on, he told her that they were having a private conversation that he didnt want to interrupt. Hope, who knew all about private conversations because of her secretive ass parents, nodded seriously at this and thaigo took a mental note to explain to her at some point that not all private conversations were matters of life and death.

Next they headed to bad’s, who thaigo knew had a good stock of potions he wouldn’t mind missing if it meant keeping an egg safe. He wasnt there and a look at the map told him he was off on some adventure with dapper most likely in search of creature that the kid wanted to tame.

There was a couple other people awake but he really didnt feel like crossing thousands of blocks to go and find them, so instead the two wandered about spawn. Hope taking the lead and investigating the different buildings up close. She already knew at this point that her pais and mae where not the people to ask about how crafting materials worked and seemed happy just to silently investigate.

In the past he would have expected it to be a good break from taking care of a kid, a time to collect his thoughts. Instead he just watched her and his heart felt warm. No thoughts of the what he was gonna write about next, or how everyone back in brazil was doing drifted through his head. All he could focus on was the way hope would walk up to block, completely transfixed by it, bend down to get a look at it better, maybe tilt her head or touch it lightly before moving on to the next one.

Or at least it was all he could focus on till a sound caught his attention. Mentally, he praised the fact that his still functioning ear worked perfectly if not better than that before turning to look in the direction of the sound. In it’s place he saw “charlie” slimecicle teleporting off somewhere.

This was odd for a couple of reasons. The first being that slime did not wake up often. The second was that when he did he usually hanged around big groups of people and the third was that thiago wasnt sure where he got enough exp to teleport in the first place.

Ok, maybe that last one was a stretch but still. Call it investogators intuition or whatever you want but there was something odd happening here and thaigo wanted to know what.

A light tug on his pants brought him out of his head. He read hope’s sign pai, who was that?

“He’s another islander my dear” he replied

She broke the sign before placing down another, Where is he going?

“Most likely home”

Hope stared at him. It was a stare she most definitely learned from cesar and liz because it screamed bullshit

“He really could be going home,” hope’s stare persisted in intensity “buuuuuuuuut your instinct is right. Theres something fishy about this. I feel it too”

Are you gonna go check? she didnt have to write the and can i come for thiago to know she was thinking it.

“Yep. Do you wanna go teleport to pai cellbits and go hang out with him and tio roier while i do?”

I can go there if you want.

He frowned. A sentence like that was the hope equivalent of saying no. She was just too afraid to say that was what she actually wanted.

Still. There was a possibility, however slim, that whatever awaited them on the other side of that waystone was dangerous. If something ever happened to her and thiago knew he could have prevented it he wasnt sure what he would do with himself outside of that it wasn’t good.

He had a enough innocent peoples blood on his hands already, but to have a child’s?

You don’t know if there were any children in the holy cradle, a voice whispered. It swirled around his ears and even though the non-functioning one was well non-functioning, he swore he could almost hear in it and yet you burned them all the same.

Now wasn’t the time for thoughts like this. Hope was still waiting for a reply and who knew what slime was doing.

“You can come with if you promise you’ll teleport away when i tell you too”

Hope beamed up at him nodding vigorously before placing a sign down quickly writing I promise! And then beginning to run over to the waystone excitedly.

“Woah woah woah slow down my dear!” He called out after her. Once he caught up he added “let me go first and hold my hand the whole time.”

Trying to contain her excitement hope gave one strong nod. It seemed to be an attempt at showing she was serious.

Smiling at this and taking her hand into his, thiago and hope teleported to charlie’s base

There wasn’t much there outside of a small shack which thiago assumed was Charlie’s house. The two investigating the outside area a bit before thiago used his still functioning ear to listen to the door. After hearing nothing inside, the two carefully proceeded to enter the building with thiago leading the way.

He didnt notice anything odd at first glance until hope gently tugged his hand in the direction of something, a small opening made of dirt.

Traveling into it, they found a large cavern filled with various plants and some sort of train system. Ignoring it, thiago and hope stealthily made their way down till they could see charlie standing in front of what seemed to be. a house. Only, he wasn’t alone.

There was an egg with him. One that thiago hadn’t seen before.

Grabbing a sign of hopes he had stored away he wrote out do you know them? Before breaking it and passing the back sign to hope.

No, Was the response he got. So not another test subject egg, which meant considering how Charlie was treating this egg (with warmth and excitement), they were most likely Charlie’s egg.

Only issue was that Charlie’s egg, juanaflippa if thiago remembered right, had died months ago.

“Stay right here,” thiago whispered to hope before giving a light kiss to her head and letting go of her hand. “I’ll be right back.”

Hope nodded and stayed in her spot as thiago got closer and focused his eyes on the outline of this egg. It was times like this that he missed the range of his gun but sword and shield would have to do.

The dead don’t come back. Thiago had known this as fact since the day he learned about the “airplane crash.” But it wasn’t till he joined the order that he learned the second half of the statement.

The dead don’t come back, so when they do. It’s not them anymore. Whether that meant they were a hallucination or a creature, thiago wasn’t sure. What he was sure of was the fact that he wouldn’t let slime be killed by whatever was pretending to wear his child’s face.

Thiago jumped down ready to strike but just as he did, the egg ran back into the house with Charlie sprinting after them, leaving thiago’s sword stuck in the ground. Cursing, he ran after them, only to see the egg disappear into specks of code as Charlie cried out for it.

Code meant code monsters. Thiago was not prepared for code monsters, he was prepared for paranormal bullshit even though none had ever appeared on this island before.

Regardless, he needed to write all of this down while it was still fresh on his mind. It didn’t matter if this wasn’t paranormal, it was still dangerous even if that danger had momentarily passed.

So, thiago turned and quietly walked out the house, back to hope and then the two teleported back home.

Pai, hope wrote upon arriving what was that?

Thiago bite his lip. God what he wouldn’t give for a cigarette right now.

“We’ll figure it out.” He crouched down to her level “So for now let’s not worry about it. Okay my dear?”

Worry crossed over hope’s face for a split second, and it landed sharp like a stab in thiago’s chest.

“This scar?” Arnaldo said pointing at a long scar that wrapped around his upper arm. Usually it was hidden by long sleeve shirts but he had rolled those up to be able to kneed the dough of the bread he was making, “It’s just from a stunt that i messed up once. Nothing to worry about my dear”

Thiago took a deep breath in. No nicotine hit his lungs but the oxygen worked just fine. “How about this? I’ll let you know everything new i learn about this case. After all i need an expert on eggs, and who’s a better expert than the best egg on the island?”

Hope looked down at her feet bashfully, but with a glow of praise, “you promise?”

Extending out his pinky finger, thiago smiled gently, “of course my dear.”

Hope wrapped her own around it, and the promise was sealed.

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @rosieathena - thanks so much!! ♡

Spencer Reid x she/her!reader

Familiar Face

“What about you, kid, did you have a crush in school?” Derek asks Spencer, a natural progression considering everyone on the team had already discussed their school crushes. Even Penelope joined in from the computer screen. It‘s a long flight, they have time.

The image of you enters Spencer’s mind as soon as the question is asked.

“No, I didnt.” He answers, the picture of you seeming to grow until it envelopes all of his thoughts.

Emily raises an eyebrow. “I think someone is telling a lie!”

This peaks the entire team’s interest, all of them leaning forward in their seats, profiling him expertly in terrifying silence.

“Alright, alright! There was a girl I had feelings for!” Spencer admits defeat under the deadly gaze of his friends, who all smile in joint victory.

“Come on kid, you’ve gotta tell us more!” Derek says, already prepared to tease the genius to no end.

Spencer sighs. “She was my best friend. My only friend, actually. Nobody could really...stand to be around me, nobody my own age, back then. The only reason I wasnt mercilessly bullied was because of her, she so fiercely defended me all the time.” He laughs fondly, losing himself to thoughts of you. “She was always much smaller than me, but she was fearless. We used to play imaginary games where we were both police officers chasing bad guys; it was her who inspired me to want to pursue a career like this. Before her, the bad guys scared me. My mom loved her, and she loved my mom, they were always laughing together whenever she came over. I can distinctly remember my heart stopping when our imaginary police games got particularly dramatic and she’d grab my hand, for just a few seconds I was allowed to believe I had a chance with her.” Spencer shakes his head, pulling himself out of his thoughts and clearing his throat. “But that was a long time ago, she has most likely forgotten all about me.”

He looks down at the case file in his hands and pretends to read it while the team exchange glances. He did his best to reveal as little personal information possible about you, so that they have no way of finding you and forcing you to see him again, but he couldnt help still feeling worried.

It had been a while since Spencer had thought of you. His mind drifted to you every so often, but he only ever let himself very shallowly recall memories of you, he wouldnt dare relive them properly. But after talking about you aloud for the first time in so many years, the dam was broken, and his mind was flooded.

Not only does he recall how his heart stopped when you held his hand, he remembers the way you’d grin every time you saw him, even if you’d only spent an hour without him. Spencer recites the countless facts he remembered specifically to tell you. He remembers every word you ever told him, from the day you met when the two of you were five years old, until the day he graduated high school at 12 and had to leave for college.

That day in kindergarten, you left the other kids you were playing with so that you could go and sit with little Spencer, who was reading a book by himself. You introduced yourself and asked him to read to you, which became an ongoing tradition in your friendship, up until the day you cried into each other before he had to leave for college. You told him you adored him, that you’d do everything in your power to stay in touch with him, and then you kissed him. Neither him nor you had ever addressed any feelings outside of friendship, and even then, neither of you said anything. It was your shared first kiss.

Spencer remembers every detail of every incident when you physically jumped in front of him to protect him from school bullies. He counted six times that you got called to the principal’s office for punching, kicking and biting people that were mean to him. It would always be Spencer who pulled you away from a fight and held you back, you werent scared at all. He remembers when you got a black eye in a particular incident protecting him, he felt so guilty that he threw up and tried to avoid you, because he thought you’d be safer and happier without him. But you found him, you always did, and you told him you’d break every bone in your body if it meant he would be safe. That was one of the moments, one of many, that made him fall so hard for you.

A week passed, a week of Spencer daydreaming of you in the same way he did all those years ago. None of the team had brought you up again, which gave him just as much relief as it did stress; he couldnt tell if they were planning something or if they’d simply moved on. Regardless, the team’s focus is presently on a case of a missing child. This case is only a short drive away, no flight necessary, which was the only pleasantry of this case.

“We contacted a CARD team investigator to assist us on this case.” Aaron briefs the team as they enter the station, and everyone nods.

The CARD team, Child Abduction Response Deployment, works to recover victims as quickly as possible and helps apprehend those responsible for taking them. There are only 60 or so agents who make up the CARD team, stationed at field offices and assigned to one of five regional teams. They are seasoned veterans of crimes against children, especially child abductions, and have received extensive training. While some local law enforcement agencies may only work one or two child abduction cases a year, CARD team agents work these kinds of cases all the time, keeping their unique skill set honed.

An officer approaches Aaron. “Agent (Y/L/N) has already started interrogating the first person on the local sex offenders list.”

Hotch nods. “Rossi, you and Prentiss speak to the first victim’s family. JJ and Derek, go and speak to Addie’s parents.” He instructs, referring to the child currently missing. “Reid and I will assist Agent (Y/L/N) with interrogations.”

Spencer feels his mouth dry up, Agent (Y/L/N)? It couldnt be, could it? The probability of that coincidence is far too low, it isnt logical, only hopeful.

The team splits up, with Spencer and Aaron heading to the interrogation room. The CARD investigator has her back to the window, sitting opposite a particularly seedy looking middle aged man.

“How many times are you and I going to meet in these circumstances, Mr. Williams?” She says, a hint of sass mixed into her authoritative tone.

“As many times as you jump to suspect me the second a kid goes missing!” Mr. Wiliams snaps back, raising his voice.

Although Spencer cant see her face, he can practically hear her raise an eyebrow sarcastically as she laughs. “Oh, you overestimate yourself, Mr. Williams. You are simply the first name on the list, there are plenty of other creeps far more capable of such a professionally executed crime. As far as Im concerned, you’re an amateur.”

Spencer smiles slightly. Hotch looks at him.

“She’s good, isnt she?”

Spencer nods. “She’ll break him in no time.”

He cant help recognising her voice as somewhat familiar, but he discards it as his mind playing tricks on him.

“Garcia said she’s quoted as the best CARD investigator in her regional team, if not the best of them all. In every case she’s worked, she’s found every child, and found them alive.”

Spencer frowns slightly, looking to Hotch. “Why did Garcia do a background check on a CARD investigator?”

There’s a flicker of panic in Aaron’s eyes, but he immediately regains composure. “She’d heard of Agent (Y/L/N) prior to this, in various articles Garcia likes to read about children who were reunited with their parents after being kidnapped. She hoped to join us on this case so that she could befriend the investigator.”

Spencer nods, that does sound like Penelope. But he couldnt shake the feeling that something was off. Penelope had never mentioned an Agent (Y/L/N) before.

“You’re obsessed with me!” Mr. Williams scoffs. “Even though Im in therapy for my inappropriate attractions, I’d rather have my dick cut off with a butter knife than sleep with you!”

The CARD investigator laughs at that, she really laughs, dramatically wiping tears from her eyes.

“Oh, now you’ve dug yourself a hole!” She says as she rises from her seat, placing her palms flat on the interrogation table and leaning over to him. “I’ve got a game for you. Why dont you go ahead and give me a list of women who would sleep with a man who can only get it up for little kids? Oh, wait, sorry, Im getting you confused with pedophiles who can get it up in the first place. You missed that train, didnt you? I also think you’re forgetting who was at your court case, and who saw the naked pictures of you that were passed around the court.” She chuckles, shaking her head dismissively as she walks around the table and leans over him from the side, her hair shielding her face from Spencer’s view.

“Sweetheart, my pinky finger would give me more satisfaction!” Agent (Y/L/N) cheers.

Mr. Williams tugs at his handcuffs, and she laughs harder.

“You’re really gonna try that with me? Do you WANT to go back in a cell? From what I remember, the other inmates dont take kindly to people like you, but Im sure you know that from your own experience, right?” She leans closer to him, Mr. Williams shrinking away from her. “Where were you at 3pm on Tuesday the 13th?” She tucks her hair behind her ear, and Spencer’s blood runs cold.

It’s you.

He knew it, the moment he heard your name, heard your voice, your laugh, he just didnt want to admit it!

“How did you find her?” Spencer asks, his voice stern.

“Garcia.” Hotch replies, neither of the men looking at each other.

Spencer nods and speed walks away, feeling his entire body heating up until he steps outside the building. He feels lightheaded, dizzy, like he’s dreaming. Before he knows it, his phone is pressed to his ear.

“You’ve reached the desk of the one and only sex goddess-“

Spencer cuts Penelope off. “How did you find her?”

He hears her swallow nervously. “W-Well, you graduated early, so I knew there was no point looking in yearbooks, but there were school pictures from before then...she was always stood next to you.”

Spencer sighs, Penelope doesnt say anything else, and he knows why. She’s worried that he’s angry with her, but he could never be. He knows that the team put her up to it for that exact reason: Garcia is the only person on the team he cant hold a grudge against, because her intentions are always nothing but kind. Without her needing to say it, Spencer knows she found you because she saw how happy he was just talking about you, she wanted to reunite the two of you. Set him up with someone that he already knew, or did, many years ago. And for that, he cant be upset with her.

“I havent seen her since I was 12, what do I say?” Spencer asks, truly lost in a situation he had not prepared himself for.

He can hear the relief in Penelope’s voice at his response. “Just be yourself! That worked when you were kids, so it’ll work now!”

Spencer looks over the door of the police station. “How can you know that?”

The smile on Penelope’s face is obvious. “You both ended up catching the bad guys.”

Spencer cant help but smile, too. It’s a strange bit of reassurance, and he appreciates it more than he can say. “Thank you.”

Penelope squeals. “Go get her!”

Then she hangs up, causing Spencer to laugh as he tucks his phone back in his pocket. He takes a few deep breaths as he stares at the door, hyping himself up before he nods to himself and walks back inside. Determination fills him as he makes his way back to the interrogation room, but the determination melts when he sees you talking with Hotch in the entrance hall. He had anticipated he’d have a few more seconds to mentally prepare, but that was gone, and so was his confidence. Spencer stops dead in his tracks, frozen to the spot.

You and Hotch smile as you talk, your eyes distracted from him by something you couldnt figure out, until they glanced at the door. Your expression fell into one of utter disbelief. Wide eyes approach Spencer at a pace that could slow time itself. Once you’re close enough, you lift your hand at the same snail speed, gently touching his cheek with your fingertips.

“Is it really you?” You whisper, such a quiet contrast to the confidence in the interrogation room.

Spencer nods, parting his mouth to speak, but then your face begins to change. A smile forms, blooming into a grin until he recognises it as the same smile you’d always give him, and quite suddenly all words lose their meaning. No amount of syllables or sentences could come close to a justified description of your beauty.

“Well, let me start by saying with complete confidence that my childhood crush on you has transcended its previous laws.” You say, blushing slightly at your own confession.

“How so?” Spencer asks with a small smile.

“Childhood crushes are supposed to end when childhood does, but here I am!” You declare, playfully mad at him.

He laughs. “Last time I saw you, you very unfairly put me in a state of shock that made me mute for an entire day.”

Your eyes widen with concern. “I did? Why!?! How!?!”

Spencer sighs. “You kissed me, and as soon as you did I couldnt function.”

“And why is that unfair?” You ask teasingly, grinning again.

“You rendered me physically incapable of responding appropriately!” Spencer states in joking accusation.

You raise an eyebrow, processing the sentiment behind his words. You take a step closer to him, standing on your tiptoes to wrap your arms around his neck. “Well, what’s a 20 year break in a conversation? I’d gladly continue it! A little less sadly this time around though, if possible.”

Spencer leans in. “Oh, that’s definitely possible.” He mumbles quietly, half a second before your lips meet his.

Spencer’s hands go to your waist, then to the small of your back, then your hips, while yours run through his hair and hold him to you, not that he’d ever try to escape. Your lips collide in the most gorgeous way, dancing together wordlessly, perfectly detailling the extent of your yearning for each other. You pull away, panting, and Spencer feels himself swell with pride noticing how impressed you are. Maybe waiting 20 years to kiss you back was good, since he got some practise in before the final test. Seeing you still recovering from his kiss, he finds confidence he never would’ve found without you.

“So, dinner tonight?”

[sadaveniren]

Thank you for your post about Doris coming back, I totally agree with you!

But I wasn’t here then, so I’m kind of curious about the stunt. I’ve heard that people meant that Louis chose her himself as his stunt and they were actually friends? Is that right? And did she really admit in some interview that she was a beard?

Sorry if my questions is stupid, you don’t have to post if you don’t feel like it 😊

🥰 no problem and despite my eye rolling at certain anons there are actually no stupid questions, especially when you are coming at it from a place of not being here.

People (me included) believe Louis more than likely chose her as his choice for a stunt girl. We think he “auditioned” a couple of girls, Alycia being one of them, and ultimately chose to go with Danielle. No one actually knows why he picked Danielle over Alycia.

There was talk that they were friends and they got along, and Danielle did in fact watch/spend time with Fizzy, the twins and the younger twins in 2016, which retrospectively we can assume was because Louis, Lottie, their grandparents etc. were caring for Jay. That like. Is a fact. Danielle spent a lot of time with the family. So it is very possible she became good friends with them.

That said there was also plenty of evidence her and Louis did not get along. For starters, she didn’t actually spend as much time with him personally as she made it seem. She played very well at pretending but after the breakup and finding out Cliff was, at the time actually Louis’ dog - who Louis got for himself from one of Danielle’s uncles friends or whatever - made some things we saw over 2016 look different. For example a lot of times we thought Danielle was with Louis would be because Lottie to Calvin showed a video of Cliff. We thought Cliff was Danielle’s dog, therefore if Cliff was there Danielle was there. But with the new knowledge that Cliff WASNT Danielle’s dog we realized in videos where we ONLY saw Cliff and not her little red dog, or herself, Cliff was probably just chilling with Lottie or Calvin in the house alone.

Because they were somewhat red carpet official if you think about it - aka going to events together - we also got them talking about each other and lemme clue you, both of them very clearly never talked to one another. Louis memorably said he had no clue what Danielle thought about racing when they were AT A FORMULA 1 EVENT and had FLOWN THERE ON A PRIVATE JET. Like y’all were up there in that thing, going to an event, and y’all couldn’t even make small talk enough about the event you’re going to to be able to answer something simple like “what do you think they think about this”. Not to mention Danielle and her “oh I sympathize with the stalkers they just love Louis so much” like the two of them were very much not on the same page.

Finally is the fact that we also got reports that Danielle trying to kiss Louis in front of the fans and him pretty aggressively pushing her away. Thats… that’s always the big one for me about whether or not they were friends.

As for her confirming being a beard, no she never did that. Or if she did I sure never heard about it. And also any paid beard worth their salt would NEVER admit to being a beard while the person they bearded for is still closeted because that’s called outing someone and that’s Very Fucked Up.

[dykephan]

hi, totally agree with you about the december getting together thing and just wanted to add on to a few points. One about online perceptions and stuff is they mightve both wanted to have this appearance of a cool, sexy, mysterious, emo guy on the internet who is "mature" and has casual sex all the time nbd lol and not wanting to seem clingy. Its kind of embarrasing to want more sometimes (its cheesy, its meant to be). For Dan I also dont think he would want Phil to see him as an obsessed fan (also the age thing) so putting up a nonchalant front would help put them on more even footing. For Phil its just like you already said mainly and not wanting to scare Dan off, following Dan's lead. Also Dan just getting out of a longterm relationship and being 18 he might not have been inclined to tie himself down quick when he was single for the first time in a bit, especially to someone who lives far away, but then obv realized this thing with Phil wasnt just going to be some casual fling. Also lol this "reveal" was not weird/ suprising to me bcos of my own experience of being with this girl for like 3 ish months had been friends previously we were having sex and saying we loved eachother etc but whole time being like we're not dating though lol

oh 100% agree, especially when you're at that age it's sooo embarrassing to admit you do want to find someone who cares about you and enriches your life and shares a future with you... it's so much easier to flirt with strangers online and pretend you're too cool to feel any particular way about it. like you said, i think it comes down to both of them realizing that this was not going to be some casual fling. and 2 months is honestly no time at all considering how much they had to think about & plan for!!

also yeah i agree it wasn't surprising to me it was more just like. first of all like holy shit why are you sharing this information with me unprompted are you sure you meant to say that?? second of all, i guess i didn't KNOW until i KNEW. it's one thing to look at the things they posted around that time period and make guesses, but hearing it out loud made me feel sooooo dumbfounded. idk why but that one hit me way harder than the tour bus thing...

anyway let me share a personal anecdote here because it's only fair after i've invaded their privacy i should embarrass myself a little fksjfks many years ago i started talking to a tumblr mutual and we got super close as friends, we spent literally hours talking every night and we'd even fall asleep on skype just to be with each other. i told her things i have still never told anyone else in my life. and ofc there was heavyy flirting which was fun except i have horrible commitment issues.. doing all this online didn't feel as scary and real to me. but then we made plans to actually travel and meet up, and i started getting. idk. itchy 😭 but i did go across the country to meet her and it was such a perfect weekend, she was so funny and beautiful and even more magnetic in person. it clarified my feelings about her in a way that chatting online never could, but also it scared the shit out of me and so when that weekend was over i went back home and i told her i couldn't do it anymore and that was it. we tried to be friends after that but it just wasn't the same and neither of us had our hearts in it. i still think about her and hope she's doing well but we haven't talked in years

so basically i'm living in the dark dan and phil timeline where they filmed pinof and then said okay bye dude 👍🏻 fuck my stupid baka life

[definitelynotshouting]

WAHOO im back part 3 :))) i reread the chapter

-☀️

"“Not like that, that’s for sure,” Grian says, and it bites, singing through the air with cruel finality. He can’t stop the way each syllable sharpens as he speaks. “So when I tell you I’m dying, maybe you should believe me.”"

- he's happy that when they are hurt by what he does/says at least he has control over this time. He's still keeping secrets. It's not until later that grian loses the upper hand he has keeping the way Watchers work a secret. Right now the others don't know what options they have, meaning that Grian can let himself die and there's nothing they can do about it. It's self destructive but he's smug about that, in a 'hahah im going to do this thing and theres nothing you can do about it' kind of way except the 'thing' is dying. He needs sooo much therapy

-☀️

"Despite everything, the day Grian was kicked from Hermitcraft, Scar had still watched him like someone he knew. Now, he stares at Grian as if he’s never seen him before."

- Before, Scar knew they didnt have all the pieces to the puzzle. He knew Grian creating the game wasnt as simple as it seemed, he knew there was something greater at play. Later, he says "that's just not your style...I never believed you would. Not even for a second". Now that all the cards are on the table, Scar can't comprehend how there was so much he missed. He knew that just before mcc and before the games Grian gets tired. He didnt know why. Theres so much Grian kept from everyone, and Scar slowly piecing it together only to realise just how much pressure has been on Grian's shoulders, how much emotional weight he must be carrying. I can only imagine how much of this Scar reads on Grian's face in this moment

-☀️

"Scar’s voice takes on an awed note— as if the simple act of slipping past Grian's defenses for the missing puzzle pieces changes anything between them. Soft as drifting snow, he whispers, “And that's why you won't let us help.”"

- blows you up with mind

- It does change something!! Scar now understands- to some extent at least- WHY grian is acting the way he is. GRIAN doesnt think this changes anything. The fact that people know his motives doesnt mean they know how to stop his code from unraveling, after all. Ohoho. Grian you underestimate the hermits. Do you really not understand how insane they are!! Scar and the others are ready to do whatever they need to to stabilise grian's code and make it so Grian is able to properly live alongside all of them, SAFELY. Without fear. But Grian is so convinced he's unloveable that he cant see this

-☀️

"At any other point, his palms would be a warm, grounding weight, laced with familiar lines and calluses; now, all Grian can focus on is the inexorable tilt of his entire world's axis as it falls apart."

- this line genuinely had me throwing my phone onto my bed and putting my head in my hands.

- There is no more running. No more hiding. Grian has spent his entire time as a Watcher-disguised-as-a-player pretending and hiding the truth of his existence. But now everything is out. Everything that grian has spent years hiding because of self-hatred and disgust, thinking he is a monster beyond help or love; there is not much left for him to hide. His world is falling apart, theres no way to recover his life before, the one he oh so carefully cultivated on Hermitcraft. That life is gone.

-☀️

Aldjnskajan. I hope this makes some sense 😭 i still have another section of quotes that i copied, but ill do those tomorrow (my time) because i am sleepy :)

AAAAA I WASNT ABLE TO GET TO THIS YESTERDAY ANON BUT WAAUGHHHHHH /POS THIS IS SOOOOOO

IM SENDING YOU BEAMS THIS IS SO SWEET AND VALIDATING TYSM YOU ARE AMAZING AND I HOPE YOU ARE HAVING AN EXCELLENT DAY

[thedrotter]

Giggles and kicks my legs. Soooo .. how about YOU make a headcanon post

OKAY!!!! i actually have. like a. insanely long list for my mother headcanons and have an uncomplete Google docs document on them because im insane but i will make it as short as i can by only taking about mother 2 LMAOOO so imma just add a silly read more thingy here because i am about to info dump so hard

Imma go character by character because ITS JUST CLEANER...

first off silly baseball child ness

Because I'm silly like that I woke up one day and decided he was trans masc. if ness or just any male protagonist in media (looking at you link) could make money out of the amount of people that made headcanons of him not being cis I imagine there'd be alot of cash coming in

I like to think of him as half-latino and knowing spanish because WHY NOT!!! and since every single latinoamerican breathes and cherishes goku HE NEEDS TO BE A DRAGON BALL FAN he would not be accurate latinoamerican representation IF HE WASNT A DRAGON BALL FAN!!!

Out of the whole group I imagine he tries to use PSI as little as possible in his daily life once the whole journey is over, for he is more comfortable living as a normal kid. WILL NOT HESITATE TO USE HEALING POWERS IF NECCESARY but otherwise avoids it (except telepathy on animals because i have this funny thought where he has unintentionally used telepathy his entire life and thats how he knows what animals are saying BUT THOUGHT THIS WAS NORMAL??? once he figures out its not a normal thing he avoids doing it as much with people but he cannot live without knowing what the dawg be saying...

the airhead in the group. he is mostly gut oriented instead of going by brains his brain mgiht as well be a burger

ALSO THE LOUD ONE a very empathetic and easy going boy that gets easily excited about everything and just likes having fun. which means every time he gets a semblance of a negative emotion he will proceed to numb it down and ignore it causing him to just accumulate it😰 LIKE HOW HE HAS TO BEAT DIFFERENT CREATURES AND ENEMIES in his magicant they appear and look down at him for hurting them WHICH MIGHT BE HIM FEELING GUILTY BY THE FACT HE HAS TO DO THAT AND I IMAGINE HE CAN ONLY PULL HIMSELF TO DO SO BY NUMBING THE GUILT DOWN... he's just like look lets lets just get this done😞 what goes on with Pokey ending up on Giygas's side also applies to this but i will not go on detail. because I am writing fanfiction about it and rather not spoiil it😊😊😊😊

the baseball fan ever that practices daily without missing a single day and basically drags Pokey alongside him

and since. i am NORMAL... he's an ENTJ 7w8. i have spent endless hours doing personality tests for these kids i am so normal about them

he has a crush on Paula (which she returns) but is too flustered to admit this so he pretends he is not catching on to her VERY VISIBLE HINTS (she enjoys getting him flustered shes silly like that) because he's nervous about it💀💀💀

anyway PAULA TIME!!!! i am insane so i have provided some backstory for her

I imagine that she awakened her PSI pretty early on and is very gifted around it, and since it is so rare she became very popular in the media at a young age and is essentially a celebrity child. She thought it was very fun initially but she feels pressured to keep a perfect image of herself for she is considered to be a role model which painted an image of someone that wasn't her. She feels very upset about this nowadays and has tightly held onto what is important to her and her true self as to not lose it in attempting to be someone else. She basically has some anger issues out of this because she has gotten used to people not really respecting her boundaries and not being very interested in who she actually is

SHE'S STILL REALLY CARING SHE GENUINELY ENJOYS HELPING OTHERS AND IS THE ONE KEEPING THE TEAM MORALE IN BETWEEN THE FOUR even when she tends to forget taking care of herself sometimes

so yeah she isnt really amused when she's kidnapped SHE JUST GENERALLY HAS LIGHT REACTIONS TO THINGS GOING SOUTH BECAUSE SHE BASICALLY KINDA EXPECTS THAT? despite how much optimism she spreads around she's quite the pessimist (though never voices those thoughts) so she feels very drawn in when Ness is actually genuinely optimistic about everything

loves cute things so much she needs every single big plushie she finds IMMEDIATELY. kirby merch hoarder

generally a sweetheart but very bold and feisty not as much as Kumatora is but she is

if she was in the modern era she'd be a gamer and live breathe minecraft she would be the type of person that gently explains things to her friends on one side but yells when a random stranger in her team is playing horribly

really excited over her frying pan she would have gotten a bat if she didn't think itd be cool if she could use her frying pan as both a weapon and something to warm food up in. like SHE WILL USE IT IN ANY CHANCE POSSIBLE TO FEEL COOL like "Yeah ... give me that cold slice of pizza imma put in the pan . ..." pk fire some random oil she keeps around for thiw specific purpose and there it is it makes her so happy

AS I PREVIOUSLY MENTIONRD SHES VERY STRAIGHTFOWARD ABOUT HER FEELINGS FOR NESS EVERYONE KNOWS IT SHE IS NOT TRYING TO HIDE IT AT ALL but does not directly confess because she likes teasing Ness. she finds it amusing when he gets flustered about it and pretends he isn't catching on

ESFP 2w3 hehehehehehehe

now Jeff he's my favorite out of the four so his is probably going to be stupidly way longer because he's silly like that

not the usual type of shy who hides from people and stutters a lot I IMAGINE HE JUST GETS REALLY AWKWARD AND SPEAKS AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE AND ENDS UP SOUNDING REALLY FORMAL BY ACCIDENT. He will respond to you just in very few words if some stranger suddenly starts talking to him he basically freezes up and fights internally to even say a word because he does not know how to do conversations

He's very knowledgeable in many different things and if you ask him about anything he'll answer VERY NONCHALANTLY AND SHORTLY AS IF HE DOES NOT FULLY UNDERSTAND THE SUBJECT WHEN HE IN FACT, DOES. HE SIMPLY IS NOT INTERESTED. but then you bring up inventions and guns and he will provide you a full rambling session with visual examples test runs different things to reference to for different concepts he's mentioning and every single minute detail. THERE HE ACTUALLY GETS EXCITED LIKE HE ISN'T SHY AT ALL THERE

cannot for his life comprehend social cues or idioms he takes things very literally and doesn't assume there's any hidden meaning HE'S BETTER AT THINGS THAT ARE LOGICALLY ANSWERED THAN ANYTHING SOCIAL. so yes Tony can accidentally drop a hint that he's crushing on him and DESPITE JEFF FEELING THE SAME WAY, he'll be like hm thanks tony cool I'm sure that is a very best friend thing to say i do not think there are any romantic implications here....

has an inferiority complex over the fact people credit his skills to be coming from his father (who he basically HARDLY KNOWS OR REMEMBERS SEEING PHYSICALLY BEFORE THE PROPHECY) and not to his own efforts!!! he's constantly compared to him and is expected to have the same amount of genius he does so Jeff tends to overwork himself at times to reach this standard.

has tested million types of coffee to see which one keeps him awake at night the best— but hates coffee! he prefers tea. friends assume he likes coffee because of how mcuh he drinks it he does not

oh yeah as i implied has a big fixation towards inventions and guns. he just thinks they're inteesting as hell he wasn't one to use them he just thought they were rad as hell and he WILL recognize specific ones if shown even a peak of one. he cannot live without being 100% up to date with every single type of gun in existence he needs to know all about them and understand how they work and does elaborate dissections into how they're built

even if shy once comfortable with the rest of the team he actually is one to occasionally tease them and joke around sometimes HE HAS THIS RELATIONSHIP WITH NESS WHERE THEY ARE CONSTANTLY TRYING TO ANNOY EACH OTHER without actually annoying in each other idk how you call it but they just playing around they silly like that

type of person who's face turns red at even the slightest embarassment it just happrns really easily

im not even gonna lie to you he's essentially me irl i needed a character to project myself into so i dont feel bad about not being good at social cues and at anything that is not my main interest

OH YEAH HE'S THE TALLEST HE'S VERY LANKY BUT HE'S THE TALLEST he's confused to be older than he actually is a lot of the time

i almost forgot— ISTP 5w4

NOW POO!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!

Initially took things very seriously and remained stone faced for a while but ironically became the one that made the most jokes out of everything and has a very contagious laugh— he still takes things more seriously than the rest and is the one that keeps everyone focused when it's important but is now able to relax a lot more

REALLY CHARISMATIC. LIKE HE'S AMAZING AT DEALING WITH PEOPLE EVEN IF HE PREFERS SOLITUDE.

loves animals and animals love him once found a dog and was very sad when he couldn't take him along in the journey... HE GENUINELY JUST SITS DOWN AND SPEAKS TO ANIMALS VERY CASUALLY LIKE hello sweet little dog. how are you doing on this fine saturday. awesome😊.. AND DOES MAGIC TRICKS FOR THEM😭😭😭 He's the disney princess of the group animals will just come to him and be nice to him birds sing along to this boy existing AND HE'LL BE LIKE OH, THIS IS NORMAL, while the rest of the group is just dumbfounded by rhat

i think he'd be quite tech illiterate as he spends most of his time concentrating on his training he really didn't pay much mind to technology (he preferred putting time into working on himself instead of wasting it trying to properly understand technology). BUT HE'S DOING HIS BEST HE IS INTRODUCED TO ARCADE GAMES AND THANKS TO FRIENDS BECOMES HOOKED he was a little lost but hes okay

becomes good friends with jeff because both felt like the odd one in the team at some point and come from very different backgrounds than ness and paula did THEYRE GOOD BUDDIES

He speaks multiple languages very well, but since english is not his first language he feels a bit lost sometimes when with friends. So doing his best effort he brings A WHOLE DICTIONARY WITH HIM AT ALL TIMES like these four will find a word not a single one of them knows and Poo will be there like. dont worry guys i got this AND PULLS OUT HIS DICTIONARY😭😭😭😭 DUDE'S READING THE ENTIRE THING TO PROPERLY UNDERSTAND HIS FRIENDS😭😭 picks magazines for english so he doesn't have to ask them every single time he's lost and to keep at the same pace they do

might be noticeable already but POO'S A TOTAL SWEETHEART HE DOES NOT MIND SAYING THE MOST SWEETEST AND CARING WORDS EVER KNOWN TO MAN and is very confused when one of the 4 cries in emotion because his words are very nice. THAT'S JUST NORMAL FOR HIM HE'S JUST LIKE THAT JUST NATURALLY VERY VERY NICE AND KIND no one can beat him on being very nice

Sometimes the only sane one in the group he is silly, but he balances the silly properly he knows when to save the silly for later

talking about him being good with people if you need to distract someone NO PROBLEM and he just does it really well DOES MAGIC TRICKS!!!! he likes doing his silly little tricks it's something he learned on the side from his training he loves seeing how people react to them

oh yeah the shortest and is confused to be younger than he is sometimes when he's the oldest in the group. basically Jeff backwards but Jeff isnt the youngest

...infj 8w9

NOW YOUD BE LIKE DAMN MICHAEL THATS A LOT OF TEXT ALREADY YOU SPENT AN HOUR WRITING THIS (yes its been an hour i think i i dont know ive been writing this since you asked when was it HELP) BUT I AM NOT DONE. I AM NOT DONE!!!

JUST JUST A FEW MORE FOR OTHER PEOPLE ASIDE FROM THE CHOSEN 4 BECAUSE i need an excuse to talk abojt tony he's my favorite favorite I could make an essay on his character

I like to think Tracy is super smart and is so smart that she's a few school grades (whatever you call um idk um school years?) ahead of what she would be for her age for it. EVEN THOUGH SHES LIKE 9 she's smarter than ness thats for sure and she mentions this but he's silly so he still needs to be the cool older brother regardless so he ignores that she's smarter GIRLIE GOT A JOB AND HE WAS LIKE TRACY WHAY ARE YOU DOING ON THE ESCARGO EXPRESS LIKE YOU ARE 9😭😭😭

i dont actually have any particular Pokey headcanon besides him being interested in tech because of mother 3 BECAUSE HE FEELS VERY FLESHED OUT ALREADY AT LEAST TO ME SO I DONT FEEL THE NEED TO DO AN ENTIRE BLOCK OF HEADCANONS FOR HIM I REALLY LIKE HIS CHARACTER THOUGH best i got possibly just enters theory territory instead

AND ABOUT TONY!!! like in the game he's a very earnest and good kid. I imagine he's seen as someone very sociable and easy to get along with to his peers LIKE HE WILL DO ANYTHING TO HELP EVERYONE FEEL INCLUDED and does an extra effort to get Jeff friends and for people to understand and like him like he be taking him to some of his other friends like. THIS IS MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!!! and theyre like Tony rhis is the sevenrh time you introduced him TONY IS THE MAIN REASON JEFF HAS ANY OTHER FRIENDS IN SNOW WOOD

tony sucks at science like really bad he's not good at anything scientific process like and would be bad at remembering them...IF HE DIDN'T TAKE THE EFFORT TO MANUALLY REMEMBER THEM BECAUSE JEFF IS THE ONE TELLING HIM. he be sitting there absorbing all that information and casually mentioning it here and there so Jeff gets really excited about it. ASIDE FROM THAT HE'S ACTUALLY GOOD AT MATH AND IT GAINED HIM A SCHOLARSHIP AT SNOW WOOD IN THE FIRST PLACE WHICH I IMAGINE IS VERY PRESTGIOUS

hes just a very hardworking kid in general THOUGH HE'S VERY CLUMSY AT TIMES. he's seen as the funny guy he cracks out jokes for everyone to laugh at people just generally like him a lot

sprta silly because lil dude is so honest and good natured he has to fight so hard to tell a lie. he's quite naive and easily forgives people WHICH OF COURSE HE'S LIKE 12 OF COURSE HE'S LIKE THAT BUT HE'S MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE

anyway im not makikg thisbany longer its already scary enough I AM SORRY. . .....I DID NOT WANT IT TO BE THIS LONG. . ..im very thankful you asked but ay the same time i feel obligated to ask for forgiveness at how long ive rambled for I just I just love this game I COULD DO MORE BUT NAW💔💔💔

[caterpillarinacave]

"Send me a character" Henry

Three people actually asked for this one (and the first got eaten) so I'm gonna answer them all here.

Just an fyi this post is very long, please excuse grammar, rambling, spelling ect

favorite thing about them

Man, where do I start? 

Not to be sappy, but as far as characters go he means a lot to me. Ive talked about this before, but I was diagnosed as autistic at ten, after really struggling for a long time. As an autistic, traumatized, kid in my specific childhood situation there wasnt anywhere for me to fit in. I really, genuinely meant well, but I meant so well it was just annoying. For all my trying I could not manage a meaningful connection. Naturally, this made me a very lonely child.

 As all lonley children know, when you have no friends you get to make friends with fictional characters, which I had no problem doing. However, I couldnt actually relate to any of the characters. 

 When it comes to character representation in media I really had never seen a character that I related to, autistic or otherwise. “Normal” characters didnt experience the struggles that were such a big part of my life, and characters portrayed as autistic had no personality outside the autism. They were all either robotic or just children. Personally, as someone who is emotional, bright, and very animated, I couldnt relate at all to the stoic, robotic, characters, and I certainly wasnt relating to an oversized toddler. 

(Frankly, one of the reasons I think Henry is such an excellent rep is because CC didnt go in with the intention of making an autistic character, and therefore didnt fall into the pitfalls non-autistic creators usually do. The issues I have with the characters she intended to be autistic arent applicable to Henry, which I do have some theories about, but thats off topic. )

 I could always find characters I could connect to those around me. There were characters like my mom, like my little sister or older brother. I collected books with characters who had the same name as me, I bought stories set in towns like mine, then abandoned them for the same types of towns but twenty years ago so I could pretend that in some point in time, I might have had friends. 

Yes, I spent a lot of time crying in the corner and reading books under my desk. 

   However, when I read TID it was the first time I had ever, in my life, witnessed a character who I found both extremely relatable and incredibly cool. 

An example that tends to stick with me is this scene:

It might just be a random thing, but frankly it was a pretty big deal to me. The misunderstanding of an “obvious social cue”, the pride in thinking you had read the situation right, a person that you care about being mad at you when you were trying to help them, the “why didnt they just say so?” , the awful feeling when everyone else is looped in on a thing that makes no sense? These are things that I experienced daily, now, but more so when I was young. 

 I’d oftend respond in situations thinking I had it right. I could go over my answer with a fine tooth comb, find no issues with it, only to be met with a negative response because I had violated a rule that I didnt know existed.

 Its a terrible feeling. The people around you are so familiar with the “rules” they dont even realise they have them. They never can tell you what made your response inappropriate in this situation, but normal and fine in another. I spent so much time feeling so stupid, because I just cant figure these rules out. 

The characters I watched that suck at socializing sucked because they were rude, they didnt like people, they didnt want to socailze ect ect ect, as opposed to being genuinely, agonizingly confused. Everyone else I saw, everyone I wanted to be like had this talented, this knowledge, that is abosloutley unubtainble. 

 When I first read that scene I finally saw something that understood that feeling. Sure, it wasnt from Henry’s point of view, but it proved the situation that felt like a special torture just for me was something other people experienced. 

The general hostility from the rest of the shadowhunter world was also something I find somewhat… comforting? For me, even as talented, well adjusted, and promising as I may be, the majority of people still treat me with something from dismal to unease to downright cruelty. 

 Just like Henry could make amazing breakthroughs in science and still be snickered at by the rest of the world, I can make the honor roll, win competitions, excel at everything handed to me, and people still snort, poke, and call me stupid because of “basic” things I cant do. Its inevtible, and something I just cant change. 

 This a character that is interesting, talented, valued in society. He has an actual relationship, with someone he loves, who loves him just as much. He has layers outside of the ASD characterics, varied interests. He does get upset with people, he is passionate, good at multiple things, the lsit goes on and on. 

 And when I say this meant the world to little old me, it meant the world. 

For the first time I was seeing a character I related to, and they werent stupid, mean, or alone. 

 At the moment I’m really trying to learn to not hate myself, and to love my life. Some things wont ever change, and people will likely always treat me differently. However, I am trying to teach myself that ASD Its not a bad thing. I’m not flawed, I can be successful, I can have a social life, I can have a relationship, and theres nothing about me to “fix”. Autism isnt a bad word, my diagnoses are not the end of my life, and I am still a full complete person worthy of love and respect. 

Even when I was younger, and wasnt ready or able to find out how to love myself, or work on stop hating my ASD, I still reread TID again and again because of all the characters in the world I probably look up to Henry the most. 

 The thing is, even though its been years since I read those books, Henry is still the character I go back to to remind myself of those things. 

 This was a character that hated themselves just as much as hate myself, but had managed to move past that. He never “fixed” or “got rid of” the things that were difficult, the rest of the world didnt have a “oh we wont be mean” moment. He dealt with the issues ASD presents, moved past the self doubt, and was still the same character at the end of it all. 

 TID introduced the idea that maybe, just maybe, I could love myself, and I could be happy without destroying the things that made me me. And maybe, just maybe I wasnt as alone as I thought. 

 Over the years I’ve had more than my fair share of health issues, been to many specalists, and have spent my fair share of time holding back tears in a doctors office wondering if this is the end of my life. 

And every time I come home I go back to a character from a goofy, vaguely trashy romance novel that came out in the early 2000s and remind myself that my life is worth it. 

2. Least favorite thing about them

Clearly there's not much I dont like, but the things I do dislike stem back to how CC handles him as a character. He's one of those characters you can tell CC isn't super invested in. Theres massive potential in both him and Charlotte, and I wish that CC would just focus on them a little more. 

  There are so many little lines that allude to something much deeper, something that could be explored if Cassie would just do it. Talk about that romance, talk about the disabilities, talk about the way society treats them both, talk about the falling in love, talk about the disabilities, talk about the relationships with the rest of the TID cast, talk about the disabilites, talk about the grief, talk about the guilt, talk about the war, talk about what happend in the family lines, talk about it all. Oh, and talk about the disabilites Cassie. Do it. 

3. favorite line:

Yeah, this is the part that took my so long to write, I had to hunt around to pick just one. So, since I got three asks, you get three lines. 

“Really, how could we have been so stupid?

Well, I’m not surprised about me,” said Henry. “But honestly Charlotte, you ought to have known better.” - Clockwork Prince

“Youre marrying your fathers friend on the council? Which one?” - Clockwork Princess

“That ba-bad man," he finished, with a quick glance at Cecily who rolled her eyes... -Clockwork Princess

4. brOTP

Oh, Magnus Bane definitely. I feel like people gloss over how much they cared about eachother. Magnus was probably the first person to share any of his interests, and the first not Charlotte person who didnt instantly dismiss him. For Magnus that was the first time he had met a shadowhunter who genuinely thought outside the box. Try as he might it seems like shadowhunters just dont like Henry, whereas downworlds think hes the best. 

OTP

Charlotte and Henry. They invented romance. Relationship goals. Would die for them. 

nOTP

Anyone who isnt Charlotte. 

random headcanon

Since this question has been asked three times you all get three headcanns:

My man is tall. And has upperbody strength. A lot of it. He might be about 0% body fat, but hes got muscle.

Several times Henry was sent to find teen Will and retrieve him from his dangerous stupidity. Will’s attempts at defiance where swiftly nixed when Henry just tossed him over his shoulder and left. 

Jessamine is throwing a tantrum because she doesnt want to be out on patrol, and Will throwing a tantrum because he can? Non-issue, hell carry them both to the carriage. Charlotte said be back at midnight, they will be back at midnight, teen angst be damned.

Literally only gets stronger as he gets older.

(All yall with fucked up bodies know the more your legs dont work the more upper body strength you get. Its only logical. If youve got enough upper body strength and someone to hold onto, you can hold yourself basically upright, which works great until whoeverse holding you gets distracted and stops holding you up. Then your going down the USSR in the 90s.

Yeah, Will and his short little attention span were not the best person to hold onto.)

–

The little kids love him. I mean, come on. He has so many glittery things in his pockets. So much to do. Knows fun stories, knows funny words. Funny hair. He lets them fuck around with his pocket watches. Fun chair. Easy to climb all over. Is not talking about the boring things with some of the adults. Gives great gifts. Happy to listen to you talk, actually remembers what you said. Unbothered by everything. Christophers was clinging to him from two years old on. 

–

He has two scars on his side where the automaton had grabbed him during the battle of Cadair Idris. 

 The Silent Brothers were really busy trying ot keep him from, you know, dying, and didnt really get to it. By the time they would have he was sick of them, took the rune and left the scar. To him its just one of many, many random scars. 

8. unpopular opinion

Cassie dropped the ball big time in TLH with him. 

   She did for most of the TID cast, tbh. She really has to mess with characters to make the TLH storyline make sense, and as much as I do love TLH its hard to enjoy when your going “they would not do that”. Its a pretty good example of how Cassie doesnt care about all her characters equally, and is willing to toss them away in favor of the main cast. For example, she keeps Will (and usually Tessa) very in character. With some work she could have done that with the rest of the TID cast, but she really. Doesnt. 

When you look at it from a TID standpoint its very clear how much she cares about each person, and which one she doesnt really give a shit about anymore. Alas, Henry is on the lower end  of that spectrum, along with a bunch of other characters. Hand them over CC ill give them the love they deserve.  

9. song i associate with them

Once again, got a playlist in the works, but one the one that comes to mind is Zoned Out In My Youth by Unlike Pluto. Also Ed Sheeran is a Henry x Charlotte artist. Just listen to Afterglow. 

10. favorite picture of them

How do I even pick. I spent hours picking. This has been the choice of my life. It has also reminded me we need more fanart of him. Someone with talent should get on that.

Anyway, take two, couldnt pick:

(Excuse me??? They are so cute? Peak romance <3<3<3 pretty hair<3 Anyway the flower pin? The ring? The tie tack/clip? Beautiful stunning amazing I love him<3)

[overgrownmoon]

ventpost below i need to yell into the void some more

ok i had dinner and i feel better but man there’s a lot on my mind right now and if i don’t yell about it somewhere i might explode. the problem is i don’t really know who irl might be able to genuinely help me with this issue. let me get into it, while trying to not give out too many personal details.

my baby brother is 17 years younger than me. yea, big gap. he’s actually my half brother, my stepdad and mom got married a few years ago. look, i love my stepdad. i love my bro. but… man, do i have complicated feelings.

i’m terrified we’ll never be close due to the age gap. we might never relate to each other or find common ground. i mean, im gonna move out and he’ll spend most of his childhood knowing me as someone who doesn’t live with him. will he see me as a sibling? will i just be another annoying family member mom makes him say hi to?

how can i even say that part of me is angry he exists? how can i say that and feel good about myself? listen, i dont like feeling that way, but there is a part of me that is so upset that he was born.

my younger brother and I were sat down and told the news when mom was a month pregnant. i spent the moments leading up to that reveal praying that this wouldn’t be a pregnancy announcement. then I had to pretend i wasnt thinking that. i told mama i was happy and felt so guilty, like i was lying. i’m not sure if i wasn’t.

we were never consulted. at no point did mama or my stepdad ask us how we would feel about a new sibling. never were we included in that conversation. i’m sorry, don’t i live here? isn’t this my family? don’t i have a voice in this? it felt unfair, like i wasn’t even considered as someone who would have feelings about this. it’s a huge life change, i would’ve liked to at least be asked! i still feel betrayed. and i feel selfish that i do.

no, i didn’t want a new baby in the house. i was happy with my younger bro and my new stepsister from stepdad’s side, who lives in a different state than me. i thought our family was enough. when the baby was announced, i suddenly felt that maybe i wasn’t enough. maybe me and my brother weren’t enough.

are we not enough? why did mama want another? did we not love her enough? did my stepdad not love us enough? why would they have felt that they needed a new baby between them, a new child born from their marriage, when we kids were already there? what sort of need did they feel to “validate” or “deepen their bond?” y’all are married, we had the ceremony and everything, was it not enough? i don’t understand.

it’s hard for me to understand. i have tokophobia, the fear of pregnancy. i describe it as a phobia since the very mention of it makes me feel sick and upset. i get uncomfortable just seeing a visibly pregnant person in public. the idea of a being growing inside me and using my energy frightens me, and the whole ordeal that is birth sounds like a torture scene from a horror movie. i can’t fathom why someone would want to go through that a third time! i can’t even imagine wanting to do it once!

i know it’s not my baby bros fault. he didn’t choose to be born. he’s here, and we can’t undo that. i’ll do my best to love him and raise him in this home. i’m so, so scared of the future, though.

i’m scared because i see so much of my own childhood fears coming through. as a kid i felt like a burden. that i was a leech on my parents money and time. i felt guilty for having the problems and issues every kid has because i felt that i was being an undue burden, some kind of obstacle against my parent’s happiness. i thought they would be happier if i didn’t exist, and if they were free to go travel and vacation without a needy child to take care of. in many ways i’m still shaking off those old thoughts about myself; i still find it hard to ask for help without feeling like i’m just making more problems for everyone.

will the baby feel like that? will he watch me and my brother move out, get jobs, while he has to live at home for another decade? will he watch other folks my parents age, whose children are out of the house and are free to go and do whatever they want, and feel that he is the reason his own parents can’t? will he feel that he is the burden of the family, like i did?

i hate that feeling. i don’t want him to feel that way. no kid should feel that way. i especially hate that sometimes i feel myself thinking that way about him; being annoyed that i have to watch him instead of going somewhere, that we have to be back in time for his nap instead of staying out, that we can’t go out at all because we don’t have a sitter for him. i hate it. it’s not his fault. i know that. but after going a few years where we as a family could be spontaneous, could go and do and be out for however long we wanted, and then be put back in a restrictive schedule - it sucks. i liked that freedom and i want it back. that’s not fair to him.

i don’t feel like a very good big sibling, or a very good person saying all of this. i don’t feel good at all. i struggle talking about this to anyone because that’s mum family i’m talking about, a little boy, and how dare i speak so evilly about my little baby brother? i feel like a monster. i’m could never say anything about this to mama; she’d be so hurt, because that’s her baby i’m talking about. it sucks because i can talk to mama about anything else but this. we have always been so close and i feel like this is driving. a wedge in that, because i don’t think we will ever be able to see eye to eye and understand each others views. mama had always wanted children; i will be happy with none. i dont think we’d ever be able to find a solution.

i don’t know what to do. of course i’ll never take it out on the baby, but i’m so scared of this turning into resentment that i can’t help but show around him. i can’t do that to him, make him think i hate him for something he had no control over. yet, how does one ever figure out these complicated thoughts? i don’t think i ever will. that’s terrifying to think about.

uh, thanks for reading, i guess. irl moots please know i’m fine, currently. just really in the weeds at the moment. im tired.

shit, man, family. i thought mine was already complicated enough.

[anakeions]

Alright, ur turn nerd

6, 7, 30, 38. Have fun!

it's CASTOR TIME

6. (Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?) castor is one of the greatest law-flexers of all time. he has it down to an art. and let me clarify: he does not count as a law BREAKER. he thinks he pretty much might as well be following the law he's just doing it in a way that benefits him! of course. this is mostly due to the fact that he's already an intergalactic fugitive with a massive bounty on him and a looming execution LOL he doesn't want to get caught up in any charges that would just make his life worse/tarnish his reputation even further. everything he does is essentially for survival considering he's a space rebel and is just only exacerbated by his criminal situation. if he weren't living under those circumstances he'd definitely break the law more blatantly for the sake of his survival but he makes sure to do things in a specific way where he can argue "well technically i wasnt doing anything wrong" largely for his own peace of mind--he likes to pretend he does everything fairly and right because he's terrified of being a terrible person. lol.

7. (What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?) SNOW. having grown up in what is essentially the arctic snow and general winter activities bring him so much nostalgia and he looooooves it. while he did ... not have the best upbringing by any means it reminds him of home and Simpler Times. any time he finds himself in a cold and winter-y environment he loses all maturity and starts throwing snowballs at everyone who crosses his path and recklessly ice skating and inevitably falling into a freezing cold lake

30. (Who do they most regret meeting?) SMILES. brief exposition dump! castor's family descends from members of a very large group of people called the golden council that existed to properly maintain magic :] the leader was a very powerful entity named marra who LIVED for the council and what it stood for and her entire identity revolved around it. she would do whatever it took to make sure the council went on and she clung to her duty like a lifebuoy. fast forward and that shit fucking collapses and she gets trapped in the void, conscious but unable to do anything for years! until she finds an opportunity to get through to a descendant of someone she once loved and worked with! who was about to be executed for a crime he didn't commit who shared a similar passion as her! HAHA!

communicating with him through dreams, she lead him to her final resting place where he was able to finally wake her up once again, and they began to rebuild the council and its host planet. but castor had different ideas as to how things should be managed and marra didn't like that one bit and their relationship started to crumble and they began to resent each other and now his mentor has turned against him and is trying to take him down by any means possible in order to rebuild the council in her image. queue castor and his crew of rebels being psychologically tormented and being trapped in several time loops until he snapped and killed her. he will never ever forgive himself for trusting her <3 its fine though he got a boyfriend out of it

38. (What memory do they revisit the most often?) castor loves to revisit memories with his late twin brother. though theyre kind of clouded by the Agonies his brother was someone he looked up to a lot and even though their relationship was wildly fucked up by their circumstances his brother was someone he trusted more than anyone in the galaxy and he always considered him a best friend. most of his memories of them together are really positive and while bittersweet he always feel calmed when he looks back on them. i'd say a specific one he revisits most often is when they fled from home for a while and spent their time playing with each other in that harsh ass arctic weather and dreaming of running away and becoming great heroes together when they were older

[syntheticxhope]

Since i cant tell her this...I need to get it off my chest. Ive never got to tell you everything...

This is going to be long but ive kept everything inside and i cant talk to you so i might as well just scream it into the void....

I dont care if it makes me look weird, i dont care what people think. But i cared so much about you and im not going to pretend I didnt love you more than ive loved in a long time. You were special to me even though it may not seem like that.... Im sorry you saw a bad side of me....i had a feeling this trip would ruin us..... You know I wasnt big on talking on the phone before you, it bothered me as i liked my alone time and i get annoyed by people easily. I think even the first few times you attempted that with me I pushed u away. But I caved and i actually enjoyed it with you. Everyday I couldnt wait to fall asleep with u on the phone, things felt different. I looked at you and saw someone i wanted to get to know, someone i wanted to protect... i wanted to know what you liked, i wanted to know your past, your future plans and secrets you never told anyone. I cared about you beyond your looks and what we did. I was interested deeply in you, something i rarely feel. You know im bummed we didnt get to explore more things together... our secret relationship made it hard. And i know you were ashamed of me. But regardless of our restrictions i loved very minute we spent together. Nothing could compare to us laying in bed together laughing and talking about everything and nothing. I remember driving you home one night listening to music and looking over at you and feeling like the luckiest guy ever, i felt a weird mixture of butterflies and this weird feeling i never felt before.... You know how people say when u find the right one you will know it... i think thats what i felt. I found who and what i wanted. Weekends havent felt the same since then. It hurts me that i spent so much time fighting with you, i spent so much time stressed about this trip and about whether u were honest with me. I found gold and i didnt want to lose you. No amount of sorrys can take back the pain i caused you. I beat myself up everyday for what happened. I think about you with him everyday and it eats at me. He doesnt appreciate you like i did. And i have to accept that you didnt care for me. Which is the hardest thing ever. I thought i would be enough for you to finally make a move to leave him... i thought u wanted that. I beleived in her so much. I wanted to be your backbone. I wanted to show you love that you deserved. And it hurts me that you still choose him She doesnt know I had been saving up and getting plans set for a trip for us and all the stuff i put into place has gone to waste. I was going to convince her to go to korea with me like we talked about before.... just a place she always wanted to go. A place that was one of the first things we conversed about. I had a grand plan to ask her to be my girlfriend for real there, to be public with us. Because someone you want to court deserves a grand gesture. But it all got ruined with that stupid trip to PH. All that being said, i dont care how i look.... im sorry for everything and i wish you finally just get out of that situation and start living for urself. No more excuses, i want u to be happy. Moving forward, im stopping being friends with our mutual friends because you need them more than me. I dont want u to be alone... because thats not what love is about. Tho im mad at them for not sticking up for me. Im glad you have someone. PLease make me proud baby. Ill always cherish our time together and ill always dream about a world where everything worked out. Im forever sorry you saw a bad side of me... im sorry for everything.... Tho it was a short time i really cared about you. You were something special to me. I love you baby, and how i wish i could hear you say those words again. Ill drive safe, ill think about you... please be happy and be healthy. Stand up for yourself.. you are stronger than you think. Goodbye baby I