#speaking of which here’s my list of books i don’t think have enough hype and everyone should read them-

[graaaaaayy]

there’s few things that are more disappointing than when you finish a really good book, go online to find fandom content and there’s maybe 3 fanart pieces, a dozen fics and the most of the posts are from three years ago when the fandom was actually active.

[greenhikingboots]

How about 1, 29, 55, & 126 for the book rec ask game.

omg. why did my answer turn out so long!?! ridiculous. but thanks for asking, dot!!! thanks for letting me play. :) 1. a book that is close to your heart Little Women and Tuesdays with Morie. i grew up on the 90s version of the Little Women movie, which led me to read the book for the first time in 7th or 8th grade. i’ve read it several times since and love how much it makes me care about all four March sisters. i used to have more of a temper like Jo and long for nice things like Amy. and i thought it was nice how, as they get older, they didn’t lose who they are but they did get a little softer around the edges. i think even as a kid, that gave me hope. Tuesdays with Morie is another one i first read when i was pretty young (high school not middle school) and have several times since. there are some “zen” messages i still carry with me. here’s a quote as an example: “the culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. and you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it.” honorable mention: Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with the Institution of Marriage. do i have that subtitle right? it’s something like that. it’s one of the first books i read that weaves social science research into a more personal narrative, and i really enjoyed that. some parts of this book stuck out to me enough to use as a framework when writing the ceremony for my wedding (friend officiated). but that’s personal enough i’ll keep the details to myself. 29. your favourite YA novel for quite a while, YA was all i read. so i feel like i should have a long list that i’m struggling to choose from. but most YA leaves me thinking, “great idea, but B- on the execution.” (saying that makes me feel like a snob but whatever, it’s true). i will stand by the first book in the Hunger Games series being great and worth the hype. i read it again a year or two ago and it is very well crafted. sharp characterization, great pacing, background information weaved throughout in just the right way. too bad the later books didn’t keep up. Elanor & Park was one a read after hearing about it a million times and worried it wouldn’t live up to the hype. i don’t remember it that well now, but i remember liking it even more than i hoped it would. one of the characters with poverty and abuse and i thought it tackled those issues in a believable, not-at-all-cheap-or-gimmicky way. i read The Spectacular Now because i really liked the movie. and while the main character drives you crazy after a while, i think that’s kinda the point. he’s a mess and needs to learn about growing up and being considerate of others. similar to Elanor & Park, i thought this book handled teenagers going through rough stuff in a believable way. 55. a book with a satisfying ending is it weird to say Gone Girl? the ending was frustrating for me the first time i read it, i guess because i wanted something happier. but it’s satisfying in that, upon second read, i accepted that the author knows her characters better than i do and she wrote an ending that made perfect sense for how unhinged and unhealthy they are. i also have to admit that as i get older, i understand Amy’s resentments more and believe Nick’s bullshit less. so even though Amy’s totally off her rocker and should, logically speaking, be in jail, i’m glad Nick doesn’t get a normal happy ending. it’s just so messed up its satisfying, you know? 126. your favourite spring read

interesting and timely question! unfortunately, i don’t tend to have seasonal reading habits. can i tell you what my dad’s answer would be? he likes a book called Vipers’ Tangle (google just told me it’s sometimes called The Knot of Vipers since it’s originally written in…. french, maybe? it’s from the 50s). its set around Easter, so…. i’ve tried to read it around Easter too, but i haven’t managed to get very far with it. if i had to choose something i’ve personally read…. maybe something by Brene Brown. ya know, non-fiction stuff about how vulnerability is actually bravery and people are built for deep connections and we have to be willing to take a little emotional risk to make deep connections happen. that sounds good for spring, right? growth!!

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Mon 7 June ‘21

Liam’s podcast with Steve Bartlett is out and while I still don’t care about that guy I’ll give him this-- he does great at getting out of the way and letting Liam talk. And boy does Liam talk! Liam says A LOT and let’s all just pause to send him some big hugs before we get into right? And then look to the future- Liam’s routine is to say ‘things have been terrible but it’s fine, it’s fine NOW’, always, even when that is absolutely obviously not true, and today is no different but for once I actually believe some of his hopeful bits too which is so great! I hope things really are shifting for him and I can’t wait to hear this new song of his. But there’s a lot that’s hard to hear too, oh Liam. He said that he and Maya have broken up (so yes, presumably why he just moved again such a short time after they moved into their haunted house), talked about his struggles with his alcoholism (and said he’s been sober for a month right now, go babe!), shared the usual distressing stories about his time in the band and what that was like for him (and how it still impacts him), and he talked about his new song and how it feels different for him than his past solo music. Truly though there is SO MUCH more than I can get into here or then you can get from the UA highlights- I HIGHLY recommend actually watching at least parts of the video, also because the attempt to summarize so much erases all the charm and humor, of which there is much. If you don’t think you want to watch Liam’s interviews, it has to be because you aren’t watching Liam’s interviews, they’re delightful! Plus really if you care about 1D and want information about what it was like for any of them, listen to Liam, he’s the one who’s out there talking about it.

About Maya he said, that yes, he is now single, and “I’ve just been not been very good at relationships,” and “I’m a proper perfectionist… at the start of the relationship you put out this complete false character like I might as well go in in costume, I’m like putting out something that is not there... kind of like encompassing someone else’s life with your crap rather than just doing your thing and laying out your store from day one. That’s my biggest problem is that I feel like I don’t lay out my store... and then I’m annoyed when they don’t like what I like,” and “I think my problem is I struggle to be on my own sometimes... I dive in and out of relationships too quickly. I’ve not spent enough time on my own to relearn about myself.”

He laughs about his tendency to ask his manager things during interviews; “My fans think that Steve is doing something to me, they’re like liberty for Liam because he always looks to Steve, but that’s because I like him. It’s not because he’s harming me as a person. There’s like a hashtag Liberty for Liam because they think I’m some like prison child,” and he also said “my manager’s my best friend,” (and he’s said in the past he is a big support for him) and mentioned stuff they’d talked about recently around his therapeutic awakenings.

He talked about therapy being something you have to want to do and be ready to do rather than being pushed into, like getting sober, and says that this time around with his own therapy work he’s really felt that and thrown himself into it and he talked a lot about his relationship to therapy in connection with band days. “I mean one of our old managers went to therapy from being a manager of One Direction. So if you can imagine how that feels like the rest of us definitely need some.”

“We were young,” he said, “What I found was I didn’t know I was the boss until like a few months ago, I still don’t even feel like I am now, like I’m such a child. And everyone I work with now is older than me and wiser than me and I’m like what the hell am I doing here with these people. When we were 17 I thought the security guard was like in charge of me so I was like Can we leave the room? No? Oh ok then,” and “when we were in the band, the best way to secure us was just lock us in our rooms. And of course what’s in the room? Minibar. So at a certain point, I thought Well I’m gonna have a party for one and that just seemed to carry on throughout many years of my life... You know I spoke to somebody about this in child development as a teen, the one thing you need is freedom to make choices. That we could do anything we wanted it seemed from the outside but we were always locked in a room at night and then it would be car, hotel room, stage, sing, locked. So it’s like they pulled the dust cloth off, let us out for a minute, but then it’s back underneath again,” and “the day the band ended I was like thank the lord for that. And I know a lot of people are going to be mad with me for saying that, but I needed it to stop. It would kill me.” Anyway, he said, because it wouldn’t be Liam without an upbeat coda, “I don’t want any of this to get lost in translation. I’m not 100% moaning about my life... it’s had its ups and its downs, but I would rather talk about it and it’s therapeutic for me.”

And what about that exciting new song? Liam said, “We have a really cool song in the pipeline... one of the first ones I’ve actually written myself- with some other people, I didn’t write it by myself, but it’s the first one I’ve really liked. And I think I got so used used carting around other peoples songs and not embedding myself creatively in what I do because I was so scared to find out who I was,” and “I don’t really know how I would tour again. I really want to” [on discord today he said he would be touring next year] “I always said throughout my solo career I’d let my song book speak to me. And I don’t think my song book spoke to me to get off my ass. I only became a solo artist because I had Strip That Down. I wasn’t gonna do it, I was gonna leave it alone. I was like, I survived it once thank you very much- but I’m back in now. Because the song, I knew it was right. It felt right with that song, I hadn’t had that. This year, the song we have I feel really really great about. So I’d rather let the music do the talking than me come out and force it. We don’t need any more useless music in the world, it needs to mean something,” and he mentioned the new song on the discord a lot too, most notably picking out a long comment that thanked him for making the fan feel supported and safe and for “putting your heart in everything you do” and for his support of the LGBTQ community to respond to with, “I think you will really like the new song.”

A few other random bits, he said that he thinks there should be a system to make therapy available to musicians in the industry, “I think I’m definitely gonna get a dog because I need routine,” and “I recently started jujitsu,” yeah you and everyone else huh, so do him and Louis and Oli go to the same gym or ???, and he acknowledged that as an addict he may have just transferred that to working out “but there’s a lot worse things to be addicted to then looking after yourself” hmm but he does seem to say that he’s doing better around body image stuff; he talks about having put on weight during lockdown and seeing himself in the BAFTAS performance- “I saw myself... and I was like ‘oh my god I’ve completely let myself go in this’. And it was fine...I feel so much more secure in myself now.” Oh and that he’s written a comedic movie script “based around AA” and his experiences there, such as how “I had a really weird AA experience the first time that I went. My first experience was with Russell Brand.” LMAO yes! Cannot wait, bring on auteur Liam please! Anyway as if ALL THAT wasn’t enough he’s also dove into the lead up to his NFT release; he said “I'm almost ready to share my NFTs with you guys... Who wants to see them?” and posted a tiny preview that tells us its (their?) title for the first time- Lonely Bug.

Niall and Anne Marie perform on Jimmy Fallon tonight, and the hype is already a go! I guess it’s prerecorded, as we’re already seeing pictures from it; they’re singing to each other with the cute car from the video in the background. Niall signed on to a letter to Boris Johnson asking for changes to music streaming revenue rules and signed by 232 artists (including all the artists Johnson recently named as his favorites, haha). Zayn signed on to a Billboard petition to the US senate calling for gun safety laws. The bar Zayn got into the fight in front of posted “Zayn's a regular at Amsterdam Billiards and he is a true gentleman. On Thursday night he was confronted by an inebriated passer-by outside on the street and was called a homophobic slur. We support Zayn & condemn homophobia in the strongest terms!” And also PS omg again because it just isn’t going away: Harry’s beauty company is called Pleased As, his name is Harry Edward Styles so yes when listed last name first, as legal documents do, it spells SHE but it is not a “feminist abbreviation” (WHAT? even??) nor the name of the business.

[obeymebabes]

Hi hi! Could I request a hc with the brothers where Mc does the same thing Clem,from eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind does? Like,MC and the brother breaks up and MC decides to get a procedure to erase him and their relationship? Sorry if this is confusing:(

I unfortunately have never seen the movie so I can't exactly base it on that, but I do like the idea of MC having their memory erased, so I did the best I could.

⚠️ Warning: Absolute pure angst. This broke my heart. Grab the tissues. Seriously, you'll need them. I cried writing every single one of these.

Lucifer

The break-up really hurt him. It hurt his pride, his heart, and his soul. This broken man was now in a million pieces.

Lucifer wasn't isn't very good at receiving kindness, or love, so it was new to him, but he still did his best.

Now, everything he had ever loved had found a way to betray him, and now you belong to that list as well.

Where did he go wrong? What happened? Was he not enough for you? He always tried, even going out of his comfort zone for you.

He would try his hardest not to show how broken down he truly was, not in public. But behind the scenes he would break down, letting the tears fall.

Even with all of his hurt, he always tried to make an effort to smile at you when you passed him in the hall, even though it physically pained him to see your face.

One day after RAD, you passed him in the hallway as you normally do, but he noticed you didn't even bother to look up at him, which was unusual for you.

Turning around, concerned, he painfully uttered your name, "MC?"

You turned around, a confused look on your face. "How do you know my name?" You paused, "Do I know you?"

There goes the rest of his pride. His heart sank. Did you really not remember him? What about your memories together? The relationship you had? All of those special nights you had spent together?

He was left completely speechless. He simply took a breath to try to avoid letting tears form and mumbled "I'm sorry" before fleeing the scene.

Lucifer desperately tried to erase such an awful memory from his mind but his negative thoughts became too much for him.

That night he was a mess, putting every ounce of blame on himself. He drank until it hurt. He cried alone in his room. His broken heart fueled a now drunken rage that tore him apart from the inside, out.

You were the last thing that truly held him together. You were his stability. Now, everything you ever shared was just a memory of his, and only his. How could this happen to him?

Mammon

Mammon never truly processed the break-up. He avoided it like he avoids his debt papers.

In his eyes it never happened. It was just a little fight, right? There was no way either of you meant any of it. He never meant what he said. He was just frustrated. His brothers stressed him out.

Mammon tried desperately. He begged, pleaded, did everything he could to try to convince you to take him back.

The memory of you crying and screaming "I wish I never met you!" haunted him, day after day, night after night.

However the memory never stopped him from trying to win you back.

Having a sudden burst of confidence one night he went down to your room, breathing a deep breath before knocking at your door then letting himself in.

"MC we need to ta-" His words cut short as he noticed the terrified and confused look on your face.

"Are ya okay? Why are ya lookin' at me like that?" Mammon's heart pained at the confused look you gave him.

"Should I know you?" You asked, staring blankly at the demon before you.

"MC, c'mon that ain't funny! Of course ya remember me! I'm The Great Mammon!" Mammon's golden blue eyes were now overflowing as his heart broke all over again as you sat in front of him with a very confused look on your face.

You eventually called for Lucifer, who had to remove his absolute mess of a brother from your room.

From outside of his door, the sound of destruction filled the empty silence of the halls. Through broken sobs he yelled to himself, saying he was nothing but scum.

While the scenes of you both together replayed in his head he couldn't understand how he had let it come to this. He had lost his most precious and treasured gift. You.

Levi

Levi didn't take the break up very lightly.

Night after night he would stay awake, distracting himself by playing games, watching anime, and talking to Henry 2.0.

"Of course this would happen, Henry, no one ever likes me. I'm just a stupid yucky otaku. I'll never be good enough, not like my brothers."

Levi spent many hours sobbing, just heartbroken at the little things that reminded him of you.

He didn't understand where he went wrong. What did he do to deserve this? Why did he have to get so attached to a normie anyway?

Rather than trying to talk to you about it, he hid in his room, making sure to avoid you at all costs.

What Levi didn't realize, is that the memories you shared, were bothering you just as much as they bothered him.

His heart ached, but eventually after being hyped up by his best pal, Henry, he mustered up whatever confidence he had to finally get out of his room and talk to you when he saw you.

He wasn't at all prepared for what was about to happen.

Already shaking like a leaf, his target was aquired. He noticed you were walking towards him. His heart beating out of his chest.

As you neared closer he took a breathe, tried to focus, and spoke up, "MC? C-Can we talk..? About u-us.. please. I-I need to know what happened. I can't take it anymore."

Your blank expression tugged at his already hurting heart, but your words truly felt like a final hit on a boss.

"Sorry, have we met before?" Your voice was calm and pure, indicating to him that you truly didn't know who he was.

Left frozen in shock, he could feel his body tingle, his eyes watering, his chest tighten, his throat left dry.

"N-No, I'm sorry. I-I thought you were someone else.."

When he finally got back to his room, he was both torn, and upset. Envious that you now didn't have to share the guilt and pain of remembering all of the great memories you both shared. He should've known better than to fall in love with a normie.

Satan

As good as he was at controlling his rage, he completely lost all of his cool after you both broke up. His heartbreak overwhelmed his emotions and he was barely able to keep himself in check.

He spent many nights trying to talk himself through the pain, reciting everything that went wrong and how he could've fixed it.

Satan tried desperately to look at the logistical side of this. But his heart hurt too much.

He had spent his time in the library, trying to use books as his way of keeping him grounded. The more he read, the more he realized that the scenes in the books he was reading reminded him of you and everything you shared together.

That was until you casually walked into the library.

His aching heart pained at the sight of you. He wasn't ready to see you just yet, but he maintained the little composure he had left. He had to speak the truth.

"I thought I'd never see you in here again. You know.. I miss you, and I'm sorry that things ended the way they did. I hope you can forgive me for acting like such a fool."

He studied you, but the more he watched, the more he felt his heart crush under the weight of your expressions.

"What? Oh, you're talking to me? Sorry, but I can't say I know who you are. I think you might have the wrong person."

Confused, he watched your puzzled face try to look for any sign of familiarity, "MC, what are you talking about?"

"Sorry, are you the librarian or something? Is that how you know who I am?"

Then it finally clicked in his head. You truly didn't remember him.

This boy was somehow even more shattered than before. His emotions too shocked to form a proper response.

"My apologies, I must get going."

When he finally reached his room, he slammed the door shut, sent into a seething rage from the pain that now flooded his chest, he destroyed his room, books tossed everywhere.

Satan wasn't the same after that. Blinded by the hurt, he went on a rampage, not making any attempts to hide his anger. He was torn apart, angry that he couldn't even do anything to prevent such a disastrous situation.

Now he holds all of your previous memories, and he can't do anything but cry over how much he misses what you had. Before the world around him turned dark.

Asmo

Of course Asmodeus didn't handle a break up very well. He either spent his time sulking around, or he out partying, overspending, and trying to hide the pain that you caused him.

Most nights Asmo would come home absolutely wasted, then eventually cry himself to sleep while he stared, broken-hearted, at the spot that you used to lay.

He wanted nothing more than to forget everything, to start over. He never wanted to lose you the way he did.

His broken heart could barely stand the sight of seeing you, and it was getting to the point where he was even ashamed to look himself in the mirror.

One of his drunken nights he stumbled through the empty midnight halls, tears already streaming down his perfect face.

His glossy eyes met yours as you headed down the hall for a late night snack.

"BABYYY!!" Asmo called, wiping his face before quickly clinging to your frame. He started to sob again, repeating his drunken slurs.

Carefully but with force, you pried the intoxicated demon from your body and looked at him confused.

"Sorry, I don't know who you think I am, but I don't know who you are, or what you're doing, so if you'll just...excuse me..." Your confused tone made him break down more.

"W-What do you mean you don't know who I am? I-I'm Asmo! I'm the... the prettiest d-demon in Devildom! Y-your lover!" He could hardly speak through his broken sobs, trying to crawl towards you, just to be able to touch you again.

Asmo pathetically watched you shake your head and stumble away from him, heading off to the kitchen like you intended.

Left a mess in the middle of the hall, Lucifer eventually heard his groaning and helped him back to his room.

Upon getting to his room he crawled to sit in front of his full body mirror, his peachy eyes examining every flaw he could find.

"How!? How could they forget me?! I-I thought they loved me? W-was I not enough? Was I ever enough?"

He continued to stare at himself in the mirror, mascara stains dripping down his face, lipstick smudged, hair a mess.

"I'll never be good enough. Why can't I be as pretty as I was when I was an angel? Why did I have to get cursed with this sin? Why? Why!?"

Asmo was broken. All he wanted was to be happy, together, with you. Now he was left with regret, a broken heart, and the precious memories that he could no longer think about without tearing up.

Beel

While he may have seemed completely fine on the outside, Beel was absolutely torn to pieces after the breakup.

Not everyone noticed, as he tried to play it off like he normally does when he is feeling upset.

Beel is one to keep his emotions to himself in fear that he will upset the ones he cares about most.

In an attempt to fill the painful void in his heart that was left from you leaving, he ate more. Everything in sight. It was a lot worse than usual.

Some nights after Belphie would fall into a deep sleep, he would just stay awake and cry, questioning himself and where he went wrong.

During a late night breakdown, with a growling stomach, he left the comfort of his room to quickly grab a snack from the kitchen.

While rummaging through the fridge, he wasn't able to hear you enter the room.

"Oh, I didn't expect anyone else to be in here." Your voice making him jump a bit, not expecting to hear you. His heart pained at the sound, but he quickly wiped his eyes before turning to you.

"Huh? Oh. Hello MC! I was just getting a snack, like I usually do. You know.." He tried to keep his composure while looking at you. He admired your face, missing being able to gently press his lips to yours, and hold you tightly in his arms.

"Oh? Uh, how did you know my name? I don't remember ever seeing you before.. are you new here?" Your words felt like needles throughout his body, but he smiles a soft smile.

"S-Sorry, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Beelzebub, the 6th born, Avatar of Gluttoney.. I uh, I hope to see you around more." And with that, he made his way back to his room.

Letting the pain of everything he has even been through wash over him like a tsunami, he let himself go. Belphie eventually woke up and found him still a mess and tried to comfort him.

He poured his heart out to his younger brother, who was now crying as he watched his soft-hearted brother cry to him.

Beel never truly recovered. He was just a shell of what he used to be, going many days without eating like he used to. He wanted to feel the pain of his hunger to distract himself from the memories he helplessly carried of your past relationship, and all of the other pain he has deep in his heart.

Belphie

Similar to his twin brother, Belphie was very good at hiding his emotions.

Your separation had him very uneasy. His mind wasn't able to fully grasp that you were no longer his.

He spent many of his days sleeping, much more than he normally would. He would miss meals, miss school, even miss student council meetings.

His sadness and pain of losing you only made him lose more motivation. He knew that there was nothing he could do.

After everything you'd been through, he knew deep down it was for the best.

Eventually he started having nightmares. At first they were nothing too unusual, simply reminders of your loss of relationship.

As time continued, they got more vivid, worrying the sleepy demon.

One night he had a dream you'd forgotten him. As if you'd never met him. He woke up in a cold sweat at the thought, but simply tried to brush it off.

The next morning he managed to get up for breakfast, sitting across from you. It was eerily silent as his brothers were worried about the tension between you both.

Watching you lean to your side towards Asmo, you'd whispered something that Belphie couldn't quite make out, but judging by the look on Asmodeus, it was not something he would've wanted to hear anyway.

Curiosity eventually getting the best of him, he pulled Asmo aside to ask what you'd whispered to him this morning.

With a dull face and hesitant expression, the Avatar of Lust told him that you'd asked who he was, as you didn't recognize his face.

With a heavy heart, Belphegor set off to try to find you. He had to know if his nightmare was in fact coming true.

"MC? D-Do you remember me?" The demon asked, holding himself together the best he could.

"I'm sorry, have we met before? I can't say I've ever seen you before?" Your words cut like knives.

So it was true? You didn't remember a thing.

While he was thankful he was able to start over, it pained him to know you'd never understand how he knew so much about you. Of course he couldn't say anything either, in fear of driving you away.

It haunted him for so many nights. Over and over he'd have the reoccurring dream that became reality. Eventually he gave in, staying up as many nights as he could before his body gave out from lack of sleep.

[bigskydreaming]

Fandom Stuff To-Do List (basically just stuff I want to get to this week in any order, now that I have Completion Capabilities. Not meant to be a promise of any specific things on this for sure getting done, just these are stuff on my mind to get around to when I have the chance)

- Finish meta post about the wings fic AU and how peoples’ wings are affected by massive physical or emotional trauma that changes them as a person (aka do Babs’ wings change when she becomes Oracle). Which will of course segue into a mini-rant about how our culture tends to view trauma and the acquisition of physical disabilities as something there’s no coming back from, like there’s a ceiling on how good a person’s life can ever be after certain things happen to them. 

And that’s why so much of our media content is geared towards treating disabled people and survivors almost more as resources to ensure ‘the same kind of thing’ doesn’t happen to people it hasn’t happened to yet and thus ‘can still be saved/protected.’ Rather than people just fucking acknowledging that trauma is just destructive change that’s impact is relative to how many resources a person has to cope or deal with that change and incorporate it into their life. And that people don’t need to be protected from trauma or accidents as much as is hyped because its literally impossible to ever prevent anything bad from happening ever, so rather than hyping the illusion that ‘this sort of thing could never happen to you as long as you do xyz and don’t do abc’ more attention and focus should be shifted to acknowledging that its still gonna happen sometimes no matter what people do to prevent it or keep safe from it. Because these sorts of trauma ARE EXTERNALLY ORIGINATING and thus there’s literally only ever so much people can do that’s originating within the self to control/protect from being affected in certain ways by stuff originating from outside the self, aka inherently OUT of our control. 

And thus IMO we’d all be better served as a society by paying less lip service to the idea that people can be guaranteed safety or protection from various things and instead have more of that focus and attention shifted over towards the acquisition and building and distributing of more resources to help people in the EVENT of certain things happening to them anyway. Which in turn helps spread the narrative that you know what, even if these things happen, even if you are disabled, even if you are traumatized, that’s not the end of the road, that’s not a dealbreaker, that’s just a CHANGE that we as a society are here to help you through. It just means that your life is different now, that you may be different now, but different doesn’t have to be bad, it doesn’t have to come with a ceiling or limitations, it just means a change in perspective. 

Bad things will still happen, just like bad things still happened before your Big Change, and its important to remember not to glamorize or romanticize the Before time because that tends to gloss over the fact that nobody’s life was ever perfect before big change or trauma hit anyway. So why on earth should it be a surprise (or any different from anyone else’s life) that life isn’t perfect after big change or trauma? That doesn’t mean it can’t still be GOOD. That you won’t still have good days, good surprises, happiness, friends, joy, laughter, that maybe it takes more resources or just DIFFERENT resources to get there than it did before.....but everyone’s life is different and everyone requires different resources to achieve various desired results or experiences in the first place, so its not the end of the world to have to switch your focus and look in different places for different resources now. 

There needs to be less focus on what HAPPENED to people and more focus on what EFFECT it had on them, specifically. On how it changed them and what those changes mean they require now in order to live their life fully and happily,  that just might be different from what they needed before. There needs to be a shift in focus from just the trauma or accident or THING that happened that changed the course or direction of a person’s life as like....the definitive point their life changed, because that THING that happened was still just a THING. It came from the outside. It was external. It literally WASN’T ABOUT THEM, and thus focusing on IT can only ever reveal so much about the PERSON it happened to. 

No, the point of focus for a person’s life changing in the wake of massive trauma or an accident isn’t WHEN that happened, its when in the aftermath of that, however long it took, when that person, that survivor, finally got up one morning and realized they had a new normal. That they weren’t the person they were before, but they aren’t aimlessly lost in a single long-lasting trauma response searching fruitlessly for personal landmarks to reorient themselves when those landmarks simply don’t exist anymore, because they don’t HAVE to find or lean on those old familiar landmarks anymore. Because they’ve found new ones, found their footing in a new landscape, a new approach to living and perceiving the world around them and how it impacts and intersects with them. 

Gimme a change in focus to how recovery isn’t a thing you can ever FIND, that you can ever ACQUIRE by searching for it...and so its less vital that we hold up the idea of it as some kind of semi-mythical Holy Grail its okay to send knights eternally questing for on just the possibility of its existence because hey at least its something to shoot for, when not so deep down a lot of people shelling out advice for recovery that isn’t rooted in their own experiences or utilization of the same advice they’re selling but rather is born of ‘eh, you want something I can’t give or help with and that’s making me uncomfortable so lemme point you in a direction just vague or far away enough that I don’t have to worry about seeing you and your aura of Making Me Uncomfortable around for awhile’....

.....nah, instead how about looking to how resources might be better utilized just....supporting people until they can reach that point of recovery in their own time and their own ways. Because by its very nature, you can spend years working on recovering, on finding a new normal, a new sense of stability in your life, but you’re only ever going to ‘find it’ the day you realize that you’ve ALREADY found it. That you don’t have to go searching for it anymore because its already there, you settled and replanted yourself without even realizing it. Recovery in the wake of trauma is about searching for a way to feel better, to heal, to move past something, and the answer to that need is a feeling of no longer needing to search or find that ephemeral something, because you’re content, you’re okay with who and what you are now. And you don’t need to look anymore for something you wake up and realize you’ve already found somewhere along the way. 

Being disabled, being traumatized, being hurt, being CHANGED by some kind of big ass fucking Meteor Of Suck smacking into the planet that is your life and wiping out the fucking dinosaurs of this weirdo metaphor, like....yes, it leaves a mark, makes an impact, oftentimes a BIG one. But like, without the meteor that ended the dinosaur age or whatever, none of us would even be here because the point is just life goes on, and there’s no predicting what it will look like tomorrow, so yeah it could be worse and maybe it’ll never be like it was before, but there’s absolutely zero proof it couldn’t maybe be BETTER, even if it doesn’t ever look the way it was before. 

Change is just change. Its not the enemy, its just the point of life. Like we’re born and then things change every single day of our life however long it is and then we die. Birth and death are the bookends, and constant change is every single page of the book in between that. Change isn’t the villain of our story, change IS our story. 

And its OUR story, so it never gets to be defined by what someone else does to us in the story, because the hero’s journey isn’t about what MADE the hero set out on their quest, its about their QUEST itself, its about their TRIUMPH, its not about what happened its about what THEY decided to do NEXT because of it. Its not about the catalysts for our changes, its about what we decided to DO, who we decided to BECOME, once those catalysts hit the page and necessitated further change. 

Your trauma, your change, none of those are YOU, because YOU are the person you see when you look in the mirror and take all of that in, view it as part of you, your story, something that left a mark just like every single experience of your life has left SOME kind of impact no matter how small, and who you changed into, decided to become, how you incorporated all those marks and changes and experiences....THAT is you. The ENTIRETY of that map, not the single markers along the way, no matter how loud or dramatic or attention-grabbing they try to be. 

You are the map of your experiences and you only look to a map, a map only matters to you when its about leading or finding the way to where YOU want to go, with intent. No road map gets to take the wheel of the car just because you aren’t going in the direction it said you were supposed to go originally. If you get lost, you get lost. If you end up somewhere you didn’t expect, you end up somewhere you didn’t expect. If you realize you no longer want or need to go where you were setting out to originally, if you change your mind or decide another destination is better suited to you, you get to look to your map and draw a new route accordingly, because its YOURS, it only exists because of you, not you because of it. 

Your trauma or whatever else is fucking up your life may be big fucking pieces of the mosaic you are when you see yourself in the mirror metaphorically speaking cuz I want this analogy to be inclusive for blind people too and I just realized I need to spend more time thinking up alternative ways to express that sentiment that don’t rely on a singular axis of experience to convey it, because that’s kinda the point in and of itself: 

We’re all born with toolboxes that give us a variety of tools to approach life with, to build things out of, to build OUR life out of. The aim of civilization, of society, of being a species that only made it this far by being communal and building things together, pooling our tools to build things none of us were equipped to build with just what we already had...is that ideally, the toolbox we’re born with gets added to by others around us. Our parents or guardians or teachers, our friends and loved ones, the random person at the store who saw someone was a dollar short at the grocery store register and offered one of their own or the way we can add to someone else’s toolbox by simply asking if they’re alright when we can see they’re not and then just like that they have the added resource of the knowledge that someone cares enough about them to want to know what’s wrong. 

And none of our toolboxes are identical. None make it all the way to our deathbed with us while containing the exact same tools we started with, some are missing, some are added. Some we didn’t even realize we had. Some we never even used. Some we used the hell out of and are worn to pieces and some are shiny and new because we wore out the older version of them and needed a replacement. And sometimes big fucking meteors of suck smack into our lives right when we’re just minding our own business and enjoying our own jurassic age and everything changes forever, but millions of years later we might still be around and now we just look like chickens and alligators and sharks and all the other creatures that are basically just dinosaur descendants in a different form because we’re hardy as fuck and damn I really need to get over this metaphor it is not the analogy I’m looking for but oh well. 

Point is, sometimes Change happens and the tools we’re used to leaning on when building our better, ideal lives and optimal experiences, like....maybe they just don’t work for us anymore. Maybe we can’t grip the old familiar ones the way we used to, maybe our eyes have gone to shit and we can’t wield the more precise instruments with the precision we’re used to, maybe the nails we were using to build stairs in our dream house are fucking useless cuz they’re not the right size when building the wheelchair ramp our new dream house needs instead.......and so fucking what? What does any of that actually say about US, about who we ARE, about what our life could be or how good it could get? 

Absolutely nothing. Because the toolboxes we were born with were still only ever just tools. What we ARE is what we make with them, what we build out of ourselves, what we choose with intent to become. So what if our old tools aren’t up to the task of actualizing our new dreams? That’s what we need other people for. That’s what society SHOULD be for. That’s when what we need is not to be FIXED, not to be restocked with what we had originally but is now no longer of use to us or what we need or maybe even not what we want.....no, all we need is....new tools. New resources. New kinds of help. 

And again, that’s what society is SUPPOSED to be for. To help us define ourselves not by the problems we face but our solutions to overcoming them. To help give each other new tools and teach each other how to use them when change necessitates hunting around for something that’s easier to grip now. And if we all come into the world starting out with different tools than everyone else anyway.....what does it MATTER if somewhere along the way we have to swap out the old familiar ones we started with and look for new ones we didn’t need originally? 

A cane is just a cane to help someone walk because for whatever reasons, their legs or spine need that tool to help get them where they want to go. A cane is not proof that it will never take them to a destination where they’re every fucking bit as happy as people who made it to the same place without the use of one. A cane is not THEM. Its just a fucking cane. Same thing with glasses, with wheelchairs, with prosthetic limbs, with hearing aids. Same thing with support groups, with therapists, with trauma centers. 

Like do people ever think about how fucking AMAZING it is that we have prosthetics at all? That somewhere along the line, people saw a problem, saw a need, that was not ‘oh this person (or maybe even ‘they themselves’ because let’s not go the saviorism route and forget that disabled people have had plenty the fuck to do with designing or dreaming up or building the tools disabled people use to navigate life while working with a different set of physiological tools than most people are equipped with. Like this isn’t a ‘oh look how good other people are to people in need’ point but more just a ‘people-as-in-society-overall-which-includes-both-able-bodied-and-disabled’ point). 

Like the point is the response to seeing that was not just ‘oh so and so or maybe even me is damaged beyond repair,’  no instead it was just ‘this person’s legs aren’t currently equpped to do what this person needs or wants them to do.’ And people said okay the solution, the answer, the RESPONSE to seeing that problem or need was not to sit back and think about how much it sucks that this person can’t walk on their own and how limited or ‘lesser’ their life will be than other peoples’ because of that, no they said instead, hey, what if we just BUILT THEM DIFFERENT LEGS. Like, just THINK about that. We, as a people, communally, as in more than one, pooled resources to BUILD PEOPLE NEW FUCKING LEGS. 

And all it ultimately took, the catalyst for THAT, for changing the lives of people who use prosthetics as tools in their day to day lives....the catalyst for that CHANGE was NOT in fact....whatever happened to make various people need prosthetics in the first place. No, the catalyst, the change that got us to the point of people having the OPTION of prosthetics at all, was the point in time where people saw a need, and came up with the solution of prosthetics to address that need. When they said not oh that’s a problem or oh sorry you have that need, but oh I have an idea, or oh here’s what we can do about that. The defining element wasn’t that something needed building. The defining element was WHAT PEOPLE CHOSE TO BUILD BECAUSE OF THAT. 

Just like severe trauma is a catalyst for change in a person’s life, a meteor that no one saw coming and can dramatically reshape the landscape of their life, wipe out familiar comforts and landmarks they use to orient themselves.....but at the end of the day, that person is not the meteor itself. We don’t call them whatever we call that meteor, we call them by their fucking name because they’re still the same fucking person, just in a different place now, with different needs, with different dreams or wants or goals. Who they are isn’t how rough they have it while they’re going through the most....because how much a trauma shakes up a person’s life is directly relative to how equipped they are already to deal with that particular trauma or change. 

So by its very nature the ‘worst’ or most changing traumas are the ones that we’re personally LEAST equipped to deal with at that particular time on our own, and how fucking stupid is it to try and draw conclusions about a person based just on how they react in the immediate aftermath of an event whose defining element is that it was a destructive change that was uniquely impactful because it hit them where they were least equipped to deal with it? 

Like, NOBODY is equipped to handle well, like, an event that relative to THEM SPECIFICALLY, like....is something they’re not equipped to handle. LOL. Like, that’s so fucking dumb, but that’s who we ALL are when in the midst of massive trauma responses - just people hunting desperately for new normals, new landmarks, new awareness with which to recenter ourselves, reorient ourselves, redefine who and what we are in relation to our lives and society and our loved ones in the wake of a massive change that shook things up and required repositioning ourselves because the spot we used to be positioned on no longer exists.

And what the fuck can you learn, can you actually KNOW about a person based solely on the fact that ‘oh this person is having a hard time dealing with something that there’s literally NO good way to deal with?’ 

People talk a lot about how revealing trauma or tragedy is, that you can learn a lot by seeing how someone handles a huge trauma or tragedy being thrown at them, even in fiction. But y’know what? There’s a ceiling on how much that alone can ever reveal, especially if the lens of time through which you examine that person or character is limited just to the aftermath of the trauma, the thing that HAPPENED to them. Rather than focused on the beginning of their new journeys, once they’ve reoriented themselves, acquired new tools, picked new destinations or goals for their lives and set out to now make THOSE a reality....just like people before or without massive trauma or tragedy are similarly not defined by the LACK of what didn’t happen to them, but simply by......what destinations or goals they pick for their lives and their journeys to get there and what they do and what choices they make along the way. 

Nah, if you ask me, a person’s truest essence isn’t revealed by what they do with whatever limited tools or resources they have when struggling with a massive trauma or tragedy that’s only massive specifically BECAUSE it hit them in a way or place they were ill-equipped or unprepared to deal with. Because the essence of that person, the truth revealed by examining that struggle, the answer in focus when looking through just that finite lens....can be boiled down to the exact same thing, no matter WHO you put in that place. 

What they do in the wake of a massive trauma is simply ‘as much as they’re capable of given their limited resources or capabilities at THAT SPECIFIC POINT IN TIME.’ Which is inherently....not a lot. Completely subjective and relative to every individual, given the different traumas, resources and needs or injuries relative to every individual while they’re going through their fucking worst....but that’s still the point. 

A person struggling with things beyond their capability to handle well at that given moment given their current state or resources.....is ultimately never going to appear as anything other than.....a person struggling with things beyond their capability to handle well at that given moment given their current state or resources. Wow. Really pegged that person huh. Got them all summed up, totally differentiated from every other person to ever go through shit, just by seeing them.....not handle it great when by its very nature of fucking course they’re not going to handle a trauma they’re not prepared for with any degree of ‘great.’

Like, is it any wonder our society has this built in presumption that experiencing certain traumas or tragedies just fucking CONDEMNS that person to from then on live a life that will never actually measure up to being as optimal as it maybe could have been if that hadn’t happened? What other conclusion are you gonna draw, about how good or not a person’s life is in the wake of massive destructive change....if you’re only ever focusing on or looking at how they react at the specific point where they’re LEAST equipped to deal with that trauma or tragedy well?

Because thing is....that’s not a person. That’s a snapshot of a person. Try and define me or sum me up by looking at a fucking Polaroid of me when I was ten or whatever. Go on. See how revealing that is. Tell me what that says about me.

People can’t be defined by negative space. By what they’re NOT. By all the ways in which they can’t be what they MIGHT have been had something happened different, or all the things they COULD be if they were born into different circumstances. You do that, you’re not describing a person, you’re describing hypotheticals that you can apply as desired to ANY person, with just a few tweaks here and there, and thus always find a way to picture them as you want to for your own personal purposes, agenda or comfort, rather than gaining any insight whatsoever about who they are as defined by the space that they DO fill up, with intent, by their choices.

We don’t look to the early history of our species and talk about all the people who DIDN’T discover fire, maybe even just because they were born in a fucking wet climate or whatever where it was inherently more difficult to happen across the realization that striking sticks or stones in certain ways can make a very useful and helpful flame. With the point being that even if we DID talk about those early humans as much as we did the ones who got actual bonfires going, the fact that they simply ‘weren’t the ones to discover fire’ actually would reveal shit about them in and of itself, because who’s to say that the reason, the ‘culprit’ for that was that they were simply too dumb or whatever to figure that out instead of just being they lived in a climate that made that discovery particularly difficult or less likely to happen by chance? Y’know? 

But no, anyway, we talk about the ones who DID discover fire, because the turning point for our species which that was, like, we don’t look at it and define it by the lack of it happening sooner, at the problem that not having fire was for the people who came before that discovery. It was the triumph that mattered, it was the choices made in the wake of that discovery, it was how people put that new tool to work and not oh how revealing it is about the rest of early humanity that they didn’t put that tool to work in similar ways because it simply wasn’t even a possibility for them when it was simply a resource they didn’t have.

Nah, IMO a person’s truest essence is revealed not by their problems or their lacks, not by the hypothetical maybe me they could have been if they went through life without anything bad ever happening to them and thus who they’ll never actually be now. Its not revealed by taking a snapshot of them in the moments or days or even weeks following a trauma or tragedy that struck with an accompanying seismic shake-up of all their existing stability and support systems that ultimately limited how much or many of the resources they’d previously acquired or built could even be of use to them in dealing with things now. You don’t learn anything substantial by putting people in a room with only two exits and one of them locked and then act like its an insightful revelation that they ultimately make their way out by means of the finite options available to them when their options have been actively limited by forces outside them and their control, even if that wasn’t the ‘optimal’ answer to that predicament and you wanted them to make other more ideal choices without acknowledging they literally were limited to the most basic of fucking choices available. No, IMO the actual revelations about people come in their declaration of a new want or wish or ask or goal AFTER they’ve found their footing and are ready to live again rather than just cope. 

Why define ourselves by our needs when we’re most ourselves when dreaming of our wants?

You don’t gain the most insight by watching someone flail about when they’re at their lowest and just floundering. You want insight, you look to see what tools they use to pull themselves upright, what resources they ask for or seek out in order to build something new that they can place upon their new shaken-up-and-reformed foundations and from there find some stability with which to pull themselves FORWARD. Instead of just clinging to the shattered remnants of whatever their source of stability was previously but is no longer useful for that purpose, maybe not even because they WANT to cling to just that or are afraid or unwilling to move forward, but because they simply can’t reach any fucking resources with which to do anything BUT just cling to what little they could grab, and what they actually need is just someone to offer them said resources instead of just acting like they really did something by looking at a person lacking in resources and then judging or defining them simply by all the things they AREN’T doing to better themselves or their lives, WHEN THAT’S ONLY BECAUSE THEY’RE LACKING THE FUCKING RESOURCES TO DO ANY OF THAT.

You see who a person is not by comparing them to who they MIGHT have been before, because who can say with any certainty what person they might have been the day after that massive trauma or tragedy, had said trauma or tragedy never actually occurred? Who can guarantee that person, that hypothetical maybe-me is ACTUALLY better than who they are or can become now?

Nope. You wanna know who that person is? That’s who they declare themselves to be the second they stop trying to define themselves by who they WERE and thus who they’re not anymore....but rather by who they are NOW, and who they want to be from here on out. You don’t look at the person who’s been pushed to the ground and say oh that’s that person, that’s who that person is. No, all that tells you is that person was pushed to the ground by an asshole, and surprise surprise, they fell because that’s what fucking happens when someone pushes you to the ground, lolol. That’s not the nature of a person, that’s the nature of physics. Wow. Person A is affected by gravity and the forceful aggression of assholes in their vicinity. The uncanny insight of it all.

You wanna see that person, you look at who they are AFTER they’ve pulled themselves back up. You see what they do THEN. Once they’re back in control of themselves, their life, in the driver’s seat.

You can’t define people by the lack of something. A lack of control, a lack of choice, a lack of resources. Because we are our choices, we are the journeys we take, we are what happens on the next page of our story because the next page of our story only EVER happens because each and every page we decided to MAKE something happen next. 

And we can only MAKE those choices, versus have them made for us and which thus says more about the person who forced those choices on us than it does us for simply being unable to stop that, we can only TAKE those journeys, versus being forced into certain directions and paths and down certain roads by limited options that say more about how little a person can do with only finite options available to them rather than say anything substantial about what directions a person might go in if they had actual options and choices available to them beyond just being presented with two routes that both equally suck, we can only do anything substantial with any of that, anything that says anything about US rather than just descriptive of our circumstances....

We can only do anything with all of that AFTER we’ve gained or taken back or regained control over our lives. AFTER we’ve found our footing. AFTER we’ve said well guess what, this happened then, but guess what else happened today? I got out of bed and said okay so we’re just not gonna worry about that because its over and done and it doesn’t get to be the only thing that matters about us. So instead, how about what matters right now is whatever the fuck I choose to do today, because THAT is up to me, THAT says something about me, THAT is not just some random rock crashing into me from outer fucking space and saying knock knock, fuck you. THAT is ME, saying with intent, THIS is who I am now and THIS is what I’m going to do today, and THAT’S an actual story about me and my choices and my PERSONHOOD. Versus just a summation of how shitty I looked while being smacked in the face by a mountain of bullshit and me without so much as an umbrella.

THAT’S a story about a person. That other thing, that fixation on the rock that crashed into them without warning? Its ultimately never going to be anything other than the story of how a person got hit by a fucking rock.

All of which is to say, so yeah, in that wing fic AU, Babs’ wings do change after what happens with the Joker, even though her wings had already settled.

BUT, the key thing about that is....the point of CHANGE for her wings was NOT when the Joker shot her. Its not when her life, when SHE changed, ‘because of that.’ Because maybe her wings didn’t work the same way anymore after that happened, because they represented who she was before that. And before that she was and thought of herself as someone who could grapple between buildings, flip kick into bad guys, do cartwheels across rooftops, and she can’t do those things anymore so maybe her wings don’t work for her in the way they used to because they were ‘designed’ for someone who lived life in a way she was no longer capable of. 

But her wings didn’t just change then and there, they still remained the same as always even if they weren’t as useful because maybe she could still fly perhaps, but not land in the ways her wings were designed to do that, due to the changed capabilities of her legs and spine which were meant to work in concert with her wings. 

See, because the point is.....if the wings are the ultimate expression of the self, even acknowledging that she was in fundamental ways CHANGED at that point (not lessened, but changed, made different, needing different things and having different wants).....the point is, at just that specific time, in the immediate aftermath of that trauma, what would her wings have changed into? What would they LOOK like, simply because say, two days ago, the Joker shot her and now she’s paralyzed? If she’s no longer the old her, how could the new her POSSIBLY be defined by that little data, that little definition, that small an image or encapsulation of everything she still MIGHT yet be or become once she’s out of bed, out of tears, out of grief for the goals that are no longer viable and now ready to say okay, now let me decide what DOES come next for me now.

So yes, Babs’ wings do change after the Joker shoots her, but they remain as they were for awhile. Just not as useful to her now that her toolbox of physical capabilities was less equipped to accommodate her newly changed needs and approaches to life.

When they change, its because she’s already become Oracle. That’s who she is now, Batgirl is a part of that but more about who she was. It’s part of the foundation she built her new self atop, its never going to not be a part of her, never going to leave, it still matters....but it is not the building itself anymore, it is the bedrock that made it through the seismic upheaval of her life and thus was sturdy enough she felt safe building something new on it, something that could ride out further earthquakes thanks to having it to ground her. But as integral as it is to what she built in the wake of her big quake....it is not the house she houses her self-image in. That’s Oracle’s domain now.

And so when her wings do change, it happens overnight, while she’s asleep. Dreaming of everything she wants now, everything she wants to become. They change not in a ‘this is happening’ sense, much like we’re never fully aware of how far into our recovery process we are.....instead, they change in a ‘huh, so this happened’ sense. Just like we only realize how much we’ve recovered, how much we no longer need to define ourselves by a quest to be better, happier, more alright...once we’ve already found that happiness or contentment and realized the reason there’s no longer the same drive to pursue some abstract image of recovery is simply because we no longer need to go anywhere to get that, we’re already there and this is what that looks like.

And so when one day Babs wakes up feeling different and looks in the mirror to see her wings no longer look like they used to but rather seem much more suited to the woman she is now, the woman she envisioned in her mind as a new goal or destination of self-determination, that she chose to become with intent, that she worked to become so she could be defined by something other than what some asshole did to her, so that she could be the sum of her deeds rather than the snapshot of her tragedy.....its a sign of change. Of her change, and proof that her life is not now what it once was, and never will be again.....but its not some big momentous reveal, more just an exhale of affirmation for something she’s already known for awhile and just now has the distance and perspective to see actual proof of. 

Its the marker of the fact that actually she’s okay with it, she’s okay with herself, her new self, because she doesn’t need to be who she might have been without that trauma, she doesn’t need to be a maybe when who she is? Has no more of a built in limit or ceiling or cap on happiness and success than the woman she was before her trauma had. She doesn’t love what happened to her, but its just something that happened to her. Its not who she is, THIS is who she is, this is THAT, and this she’s more than okay with, she’s proud of, she’s like damn I look good. Life threw a punch at her and she got into a wheelchair and rolled with it, and if you’re busy looking at the bruise from that punch because you’re so focused on the fact that it happened, you’re missing the real story. 

And that’s the way she pulled herself out of bed every morning for a year and into her wheelchair to train with escrima sticks in whole new ways of fighting so the next time the Joker tried knocking on her door, he wouldn’t get to pull the same shit twice. Because she’s not the same woman she was then and anyone focusing on THAT instead of watching out for all the ways she can still kick ass, some old, some new, some that she invented herself because necessity is the mother of invention and Babs has always been driven to be the top of her class for reasons that have everything to do with just HER and absolutely nothing at all with what happened to put her in a class where fighting from a wheelchair was a tool she felt she needed -

Well maybe they need to get clocked across the head with a stick to drive home that they’ve missed the entire point, that if you’re there looking to see a tragedy you’ve got the wrong fucking address cuz she’s doing just fine.

And so she wakes up one day and looks in her mirror and sees her wings have changed overnight and they look nothing like she remembers but tbh, she likes these a lot better, likes the way they feel, the shape of them, they just FIT....and then she just nods her head decisively, quietly pleased but in no rush to make any big announcement, because for her, this changes nothing. Its just a sign that change has already happened.

And its like....duh, she already knew that, and she’s more than okay with it, so semantics can wait for another time. She’s Barbara Gordon, the Oracle of Gotham, and she’s got shit to do.

And okay, so clearly, I ended up just writing that post instead of writing the rest of that to-do list, so I’m gonna now go make another post with the ACTUAL to-do list, and like, yay, I can cross this off I guess? My process is so mysterious, oh unknowable ways.

[sunflowerandco]

After the Fact: Act V - The Duncan Special

Rating: T

I wanted to dedicate this chapter to @straighttxhell for just being so nice and supportive of this story! And I really hope you all like this one for the fact that’s it’s all very soft so prepare.

previous acts here

         Duncan, DJ, and Geoff were all settled on the couch in need of a game plan.

         "As much Courtney gives off that energy, I can't imagine her wanting this grand gesture, and I don't either. I'd rather it happen in the moment, like in a moment you wouldn't expect." DJ came up with an easy solution to Duncan's dilemma.

         "So basically, do the complete opposite of what Geoff did." Geoff responded in offense to DJ's suggestion. "Then why am I here?!"

         Duncan removed the hands behind his head and shrugged his shoulders. "Moral support?"

         "I think there'd have to be morality involved then..." DJ trailed off. They heard the door unlock and immediately straightened up despite only having to stop talking. Courtney walked into the living room and their joint silence automatically raised her suspicion.

         "Why are you being so quiet? What did you do? Did you eat my key lime squares?"

         Duncan didn't know what the hell a key lime square was, but his answer gave him a free ticket out of her line of questioning. "...Yes?"

         Courtney gasped like she just witnessed him kick a puppy. "Carlos makes them specifically for me! Now I have to go back to the bakery!"

         "I'm sorry, baby." Duncan grabbed one of her reusable grocery bags, handed it to her, and kissed her on the cheek in baseless consolidation. "Tell Carlos he's gonna be busy making you more." He went as far to turn her toward the door by her shoulders. She yelled out before closing the door.

         "You're picking up the order though!" As soon as the door closed Duncan turned back to his friends.

         "I don't even know what the hell a key lime square is." DJ felt sympathy for Courtney's unneeded frustration.

         "You didn't have to lie to ol' girl."

         "If I didn't, she would still be on my ass. Trust me, you don't wanna see Courtroom Courtney." It was the nickname he came up with after she got accepted into law school. It made her even better at arguing her point across, which Duncan didn't even know was possible for her to do.

         Geoff got up from the couch, eager to get his point across to his friends. "All I'm saying is it would be a shame if it wasn't a memorable moment. That's why I went all out for Bridge."

         Duncan pondered on what he said. He could understand why Geoff felt the way he did, considered the aspect of the event being memorable for Courtney, and not just a passing moment between them. He thought maybe grand gestures weren't such a bad idea. "Alright, then. What do you think I should do? When it comes to big, I have a few ideas.

        The three of them exchanged ideas until they could think of the most extra idea for the amount of time they had left to plan.

                                                        ***

        Duncan stood in the kitchen, leaning his back on the counter as he awaited an answer on the other end of the phone.

         "Hi, yeah, I'm calling to book a balloon ride for two on Saturday evening?"

        …

        "Uh, yeah it's Duncan Miller and Courtney Álvarez. I haven't been on one, but I think she has."

       …

        "Five-thirty's great. Okay, we'll be there. Thank you."

        Duncan mentally crossed a line on his list. If doing this meant they'd have a memorable, story-worthy day, it would all be worth it in the end. He turned to walk back to the living room but jumped at the sight of Courtney looking in the refrigerator. "Oh my God! How long have been standing there?"

        Courtney looked at him before refocusing on the contents of their refrigerator. She seemed to be low-energy and confused by him being startled. "Oh, hey, Babe. I just got here?" He appeared to calm down after she told him. She couldn't find anything that she wanted, so she closed the door defeated, and sighed against the door.

        "What's wrong? Didn't you have another class today?"

        "Yeah, but my professor went into labor, so it got cancelled. I'm happy for her and all, but now I'm glum." This was one thing he knew upset her, but one thing he couldn't understand. Her personal enjoyment for classroom settings, participation points, and homework made her feel most productive. So, missing out on it made her star dim.

        "Needa hug?" Duncan held his arms out to invite her in and hoped his heart rate didn't give away nearly getting caught by her. She responded by entering and wrapping her arms around his torso. She looked up at him. Her voice was so low and the number of times he'd seen her like this were very seldom.

        "Thank you. I'm gonna go shower now." He let her go do whatever she could to raise her spirits, but he couldn't help but find her crestfallen demeanor cute.

        He heard the bathroom door shut and he let out the breath he didn't know he was holding in. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this nervous around her. Duncan habitually relied on his confidence as a stand in and he couldn't decipher whether it weakened from the act of posing the question, or the method he chose to take under the influence of his best friends' views.

         Duncan's cell phone went off. It was a number he couldn't place but answered anyway. before he could say anything, he heard another man's voice speaking in a sultry tone.

         "Hey, Courtney. It's Carlos. You gave me this number for the order, right?"

         "This isn't Courtney. It's Duncan, her boyfriend. She wanted me to pick up her order. But, if you plan on talking to my girlfriend like that again, I can give you something I'm good at, too."

         "Oh, alright. it's ready for pickup. Bye"

         The call dropped immediately after he spoke.

                                                       ***

         Duncan sat on their couch with a picnic basket in his hands. It would be their first time in a month where they were able to devote a day to themselves without their busy lives getting in the way. Duncan was feeling the pressure now in hopes of the success of this day; he just hoped he'd done right by her with his plans. His head filled with preoccupations and all the possible ways it can go while Courtney readied herself for their outing. Duncan looked in the direction her voice was coming from, abruptly bringing him out of his contemplative state.

        "What do you think?" Her white dress highlighted her warm skin. The puffed sleeves-cottage core look was not her usual style, but she pulled it off effortlessly. He stood up from the couch, ready to hype his girl up.

         "I just thought I'd try something new since I haven't dressed up in a while. I think I look pretty good."

         "My god you look gorgeous, Princess."

         "Oh, stop. You really think so?" Courtney feigned bashfulness before she broke out into a few poses, looking over her shoulder and putting her hands on her hips. Duncan playfully scooped her up and kissed her on her cheek.

        "Ready to head out?"

        The car ride to the dock park filled with conversation of Courtney's excitement and Duncan's guise of normalness. When they arrived, the sky took on a gray hue, one Duncan did not expect from the forecast he checked today. They found the spot of their choice and unfolded their blanket. Their time was spent indulging in their favorite foods packed, relaxing, and reading.

        Courtney laid her head on Duncan's lap, holding a book in her face while he fed her grapes, helping her live up to his name for her. She closed it when she looked up and noticed Duncan was being quieter than usual. "What are you thinking about?" Courtney sat up to face him.

        Duncan tried to shift the focus of the conversation to her to deflect. Still, Courtney persisted. "How beautiful you are right now."

        "Nice one, but seriously. What's going on?"

        "Nothing. Why are you being such a lawyer?"

        "Because it gives me answers; you've been acting weird, key-lime-square-eater."

        Duncan threw a grape at her hoping to distract her. Courtney tried not to laugh when her mouth dropped open. To counter, she reached for the can of whipped cream to dispense some on top of his head. She couldn't suppress her laughter after some of it fell on the tip of his nose, using her finger to catch enough to eat. Duncan challenged her even further. This was just their one of many food wars, just at a new, unexpected location. "You really wanna do this. Right here?" He grabbed the can, making Courtney retreat behind a nearby tree. He felt a few droplets from the sky fall on his head, but it was nothing serious enough to wreck their plans. He caught up to her, grabbing her from behind and carrying her back to their blanket while he threatened to dispense confectionary mousse on her hair. Courtney pleaded for mercy in between laughs.

        "Duncan, please don't!"

        "Don't dish what you can't take, Princess!"

         Then, there were more droplets to which they didn't mind. The rain got a little heavier, but it didn't interrupt their preoccupation.

         A bolt of lightning near a tree and shower-like pour down confirmed their decision to make a run for it in the boathouse near the docks.

         They thanked the Gods for the door being unlocked as they entered the boathouse; the rain still beating loudly on the tin roof. This cabin proved to be nightmare fuel and they were surrounded by live bait, large, sharp fishhooks, and surprisingly no boat resting on the inside dock. Thunder rumbled loudly over the roof of the cabin just as they secured the door shut. Duncan's instincts compelled him to slip his leather jacket over Courtney's shoulders to stop her from shivering but took the ring box out of his pocket before doing so and stuffed it in his jeans pocket. He tried his best not to show his annoyance to their plans, but then it dawned on him that maybe this happened for a reason. He could read the signs the universe usually gave him, and this time he determined that the storm was a sign that he was right all along. He subtly joked about the fortunate event, trying to throw a curve to keep her surprised.

         "Worst date ever, huh?"

         Her hair was still dripping wet, and her natural waves made her hair shrink slightly. She was cold, wet. Her response surprised him. It was as if she tore a page from his book and didn't base her happiness on perfection. "I mean... it depends on how you look at it. I'm with you. We haven't had a day like this in a while." She wrapped her fingers around his arms to pull him in and attach her lips to his. Her acceptance of their situation confirmed his perception of their moment, and he felt more ready than he'd ever been to ask her. Their kiss was shortened when Duncan pulled away slowly, and his hands went from her hips to hold onto her forearms. He kept his eyes on hers as he brought one knee to the floor, still holding onto her when he started.

         "It isn't gonna get more memorable than this."

        Courtney caught on immediately and had no control over the tears flowing to her eyes. Her voice broke when she tried to speak. "Duncan..."

         "Courtney, when I told you that you save my life every time, I meant it. I don't know where the hell I'd be if you weren't in my life." He continued, and the more he spoke, the more relief he felt.

         "You are the only person who makes change worth it because you deserve the best of me if it means dealing with the worst sometimes. I want to keep giving the best of me to you. I love you so much, it's been this way for so long, and I don't think I'll stop."

        He reached into his pocket and pulled out that small box, and held it open in front of her while she tried to wipe away the tears on her face. "Will you marr-"

        "Yes" Duncan let out a breathy laugh, both relieved and humored by her fervent nature.

        She giggled as she choked back tears while Duncan slid the ring on her finger. He stood up to hold her in his arms tightly, not wanting to let go as she left lipstick marks all over his face and neck.

         Courtney forgot they were in a fish cabin. Duncan often had that effect on her.

                                                       ***

        When the rain let up, they decided the best way to spend the rest of their day was in the comfort of their own home, on the couch, wrapped up in blankets. Courtney finally got her hands on her favorite dessert, and they were watching whatever interested them on TV.

         "Carlos always nails it perfectly with these!" He glanced at her and remembered his interaction with that baker.

         "By the way that guy has it bad for you. I don't blame him though. Now, he knows better than to bother you, though." Courtney objected in disbelief, still chewing her dessert.

         "He does not!"

         "Of course you're blind to any guy having the hots for you. If it weren't that way, we would've been together since ninth grade."

         "That sheer confidence. What gave you the idea I wanted to date you in the ninth grade?"

         "The ring on your finger tells me otherwise."

         She held her hand out proudly and admired the oval-shaped gem on her finger.

         "How did you afford this? You didn't rob a jewelry store, did you?" Duncan gave her a blank stare before she started giggling. He brought her hand down and intertwined his fingers with hers, looking at the TV again.

         "No. I started saving the day before you moved in with me."

         Courtney's chest warmed up with an unexplained feeling of completeness when he told her. She looked in his direction and into his eyes; she felt even more soothed after realizing he rubbed circles on her hand with this thumb. She gave him a look of contentment before positioned her head on his shoulder and stared at the TV while he slid his arm around her shoulder.

        "Thank you." He looked down at her, puzzled at her sudden gratitude.

        "For what?"

        "For giving me your shirt at the beach. For opening conversations about our feelings that I was too scared to have, and just growing with me. Had it been anyone else, I think my life would be very... fragmentary. Like, this just wouldn't feel right with another person. Maybe even... insipid? We might not make total sense to some, but I feel like I perfectly fit here." She let her mind speak for itself in this moment while she traced the lines of the tattoo on his hand out of habit.

        "You said it better than I did. I love you, and if I can express that in any way, I'll take it." Duncan knew he'd always remember feeling unfathomably lucky to have taken this route of fate.

        "I love you, too."

A/N: Well I hope you all enjoyed this one! Again thank you for reading and I’ll see you in act vi

[middleofnowhere92]

Ranking all ATLA Villains/Antagonists from worst to best (by someone who loves villains)

This post was inspired by this ask 

Warning: I swear quite a bit in this post and I’m a dumbass, not an ATLA scholar, so take this with a grain of salt. Also I have no idea wtf my ranking criteria was. I assigned arbitrary and meaningless points like Dumbledore giving all the points to Gryffindor at the end of the year. 

Iroh

 I have a secret for you...Iroh is an antagonist.... Say it with me... Iroh is an antagonist. For the people in the back, IROH IS AN ANTAGONIST. He’s not particularly good at at it, but he belongs on this list. Primary reason being, his siege on Ba Sing Se, which was a major battle in the 100 year war and all the other things he did in the war to become a general. If he was good at being a villain, he would at least have the decency to conquer the city, but as Ozai points out, Iroh excels at tea and failure. When we see Iroh in Book 1, He’s a very chill antagonist for the same reason a lot of our other antagonists are (June, the Yuyan Archers, Combustion man etc)-they are helping a villain achieve their goal. In Iroh’s case, he does help Zuko in many ways ( like sneaking him onto Zhao’s ship) and these in turn help Zuko get closer to his goal of capturing Aang. I love Iroh as a character, but he’s not good at being an antagonist, which is why he is ranked the worst. 

Circus Trainer

This man is straight up, evil. I like villains, but I do not like this man. He’s cruel and not in a fun way, which is why he’s near the bottom of the list. The whole point of being a villain is to be cool and do bad things, but he’s not even a little fun to watch. He’s the least interesting to look at... 

Yon Rha

This man is a coward. Like how did he lead the Southern Raiders? He went soft when he got old. He was more savage back in the day. Like this man is a firebender, but he cowers from Zuko before Katara even pops up. He needs to grow a pair. Like Katara said man is pa-thet-ic. 

The Rough Rhinos (ignoring the comics)

They get points for creating my favorite antagonist, Jet. But the first time we see these clowns in the show, the gang just rides away on Appa, easily avoiding them. And then the gang easily defeats them in their next run in. These clowns are good at destroying things, but not really fighting or pursuing others. 

Ozai

I expected more from this man. He was hyped up for three seasons and I just didn’t feel like he was smart enough to be the bad guy for the whole ass show.  The man clearly doesn’t think for himself or show up throughout the series doing  menacing things. The final agni kai overshadowed Ozai and Aang’s showdown. That’s the theme, Azula outshines a grown man as the star villain of the show. He does get some points for his fashion and flair for the dramatic. 

Mai's Uncle (Boiling Rock Warden)

This man, is a dumbass with the reflexes of a sloth. Suki overpowered him in 2 seconds flat. How is this grown man getting defeated by a little nugget like Suki? She was only holding his wrist. He could have just kicked her? Like you are a prison warden, look alive man! And he should have captured Zuko’s little ass and sent him right over to Ozai to get some street cred, but instead he just gets pissed cause Zuko broke up with Mai? First lesson in being a villain/antagonist- power over everything (including family). He does get points for ordering them to cut the line. That’s straight savage. 

Xin Fu and Yu

Toph gets it right, these are two dunderheads. How did they not hear Toph bending metal? They react almost as slowly as the Boiling Rock Warden, letting Toph easily overtake them. They are two skilled benders and they didn’t even stand a chance. 

General Fong

This man gets points for being a bat shit crazy. And I think he’s one of the first non fire nation antagonists we see in the show, so points for him. He’s an underrated antagonist. He does cool bending and his emotional manipulation to get Aang into the Avatar state is A+ villain work. 

Azulon

Azulon gets villain points for keeping the war going. He didn’t fuck it up like Ozai. But Azulon gets his villainness handed to him on a platter, he didn’t really do much, besides maintain status quo. We do get the scene where Ozai asks for the throne. But I don’t think Azulon assumed Ozai was going to kill Zuko. Azulon was trying to make a point, that Ozai’s request was absurd, but he obviously didn’t know Ozai well enough...

Koh

Koh almost didn’t make the list. I don’t really consider him to be an antagonist. Aang came to him asking for information and Koh was trying to do what he does..steal faces. He was just vibing. I included him on this list, because he antagonized us (the viewers). Dude is easily the most terrifying part of the show. 

Ghashiun

He muzzled Appa! He’s not ranked high on this list, because he didn’t know Appa was Aang’s so he wasn’t intentionally trying to fuck with the Avatar. I do like the sandbenders as a whole. They just run around causing chaos with their cool bending. This character, however, loses points, because when he is confronted about stealing Appa, he gets defensive and tries to lie. If you do something bad, at least have the balls to own up to it. 

Wan Shi Tong

Gets points for his flair for the dramatic a la Ozai. I did like Wan Shi Tong’s logic around not giving the gaang information: “You think you're the first person to believe their war was justified?!” He had more brain cells than some of our other villains/antagonists, but was also dumb too? Sokka pretty easily outsmarted him. This Spirit has been alive forever, he shouldn’t be outsmarted by a child. 

The Old Man

Oooof. I almost put him in the number one spot tbh. He did us and Haru so dirty. Like he could have died,but he turned in the person that saved him??? He gets points for shock value and pettiness. I personally think Jet should take him out...

June

June gets points for being a bad bitch. I like her vibe. She’ll do anything as long as you’re paying her the right price and I can respect that. She isn’t higher on the list, because she is executing someone else’s plan, not her own. 

The Yuyan Archers

Speaking of bad bitches, the Yuyan Archers are so cool and I wish they got more screen time! We see very few antagonists that can keep up with Aang the way that this group does. They add a bit of spice and a different flavor to what we know about Fire Nation fighting styles, which I approve of. I hope we see more of them in future ATLA projects. They aren’t higher up, because they are still doing someone else’s bidding. If they had their own leader and their own agenda, that would be some cool shit. 

Combustion Man

This man gets points for giving the gaang a lot of trouble. As viewers, we really worry about whether they will be able to defeat him. I like that he has a different style of bending, which in and of itself is terrifying. He still doesn’t make it up higher on the list, because he’s still doing someone else’s (Zuko’s) bidding.

Rig Warden

On second thought, I may have him ranked a little too high. But oh well, fuck it. He gets many many points for being voiced by George Takei. This man also gets points for having general villain swag. He is sassy and I am here for it. He’s highly effective at crushing the souls of the Earthbenders on the rig. Also, he does not stutter when Haru throws those rocks at him.Came at him full force which is what all the other himbos on this list should have been doing when these children played them! He outright told Katara he was gonna kill her “You’re one mistake away from dying where you stand.” Loses points for begging as he’s dragged off the rig. Go down with some dignity!

The Southern Raiders

So the Southern Raiders get ranked separately from Yon Rha, because he led them towards the end of their conquest. I think they started under Sozin’s reign. This group gets ranked fairly high, because they were very effective at their task. They came, they saw, they decimated-leaving the SWT defenseless and barely able to sustain itself. 

Mai

I like Mai and wish I could rank her higher. I like her knives, they are very cool form of defense that was unique to her. I also love how she just immediately flung arrows at Aang, no hesitation. She does get style points, her aesthetic is everything. Her one liners are pretty funny, “You’re so colorful, you’re making me nauseous.”  She lacks in her commitment. Anytime anything inconveniences her she’s just like eh, no thanks. Hardcore antagonists need to be have some dedication to their cause, which Mai does not.  I feel like she would eventually run out of weapons in a longer battle, which would be a big issue for her. 

Long Feng

Gets instant points for villain swag, creepy vibe and sass. This man kept news of a whole war from Ba Sing Se, even though the city was filled with refugees? Long Feng had his work cut out for him. He loses points, because he lets the children get away with too much. He should have locked down Aaang and co immediately, because they were trouble as soon as they rolled up. Also, he should have fought Azula. He let a fourteen year old take his whole career away. He was never even a player.

Sozin

Sozin gets a  large amount of hypothetical points from being the one to start it all. He’s the one who initiated the 100 year war. He did not play around. He used that comet to its maximum potential. Also he has a dragon, which is fucking cool. He gets bad bitch points for leaving Roku on the exploding island. Like that’s a power move right there. He wiped out the air nomads and invaded the Southern Water Tribe, which is why his successors  are ranked much lower on the list. They really didn’t do shit.

Hama

Gets points for being a waterbender, which is something cool that we hadn’t seen in a villain yet. She also gets points for executing her own deranged agenda. I would love to see her and Jet link up, cause that would have been chaos. She also gets heaps of points for inventing bloodbending. Many of the villains of this list can barely think and homegirl has big brain energy. She is cunning and quick, like when she utilizes Sokka and Aang to attack Katara. I like her general bruja (witch) vibes. She gets more points because she does not motherfucking stutter when Katara figures her out, she just starts bloodbending immediately. She really enjoys her power and I can’t blame her for it. She’s a baddie and she knows it. More points for Hama, because she gets Katara to carry on her legacy (whether she wants to or not) and goes off to jail with her dignity. She’s an all-star villain and I love to see it. She loses a few points, because her bloodbending is limited to the full moon, but she still has her waterbending which is terrifying enough...

Dai Li

Like the rig warden, I probably ranked these himbos too high, but I love them as henchmen. Their bending is amazing, they are sneaky and they can brainwash you? Like fuck me up man. They really are just a joy to watch and their betrayal of Long Feng is so unexpected. This group really creates the creepy/ominous aesthetic the creators were going for in Ba Sing Se. Don’t think their bending is good? They one upped Toph and almost had her, but Jet saved her at the last second. 

Zhao

I feel like Zhao’s characterization is inconsistent (sometimes he has a bad temper, sometimes he doesn’t?) which makes him hard to rank, but let’s do it anyway. He gets points for being voiced by the guy that played Lucius Malfoy, like yaaas work that Slytherin aesthetic. Gets points for using the Yuyan Archers. Loses a lot of points in his fight with Aang, like that child was obviously baiting him. He has a lot of ambition and actually has to work to his rise to power, which he obviously relishes. He’s the perfect antagonist for Zuko. He accomplished his goal of frying the fish/moon and he actually captures Aang. I think the writers added in his hot temper later on, because they realized he was too competent and had to give him a flaw. 

Zuko

Ohhh my morally confused prince, Where do we even start? Zuko gets a lot of points for his sheer determination. I would love to see an unhinged Zuko without Iroh. Zuko’s tenacity and unpredictability make him a fantastic antagonist. Iroh and Azula try to control Zuko, but they never really know what he’s gonna do next and neither do we as the viewers. He’s near the top of the list, because even with so many struggles he kept Aang on the run for two seasons. I like that he actually struggled to be good. He obviously loses points for joining the good guys, but we still love him. 

Jet

Speaking of morally grey, cue up Jet’s theme music. He gets instant points for swag and cool swords. Like the Yuyan archers, Jet is one of the few antagonists we see that can keep up with Aang. Like Zuko, Jet’s dedication to his cause get him high on this list, because he will defeat the Fire Nation at any cause. The creators lose points for being cowards and killing him off. We saw plenty of other people (Sokka) get hit with similar rocks and not die. Jet is a fantastic antagonist with a backstory that the audience can sympathize with. He loses points for not being more versatile in his tactics. I’ve written more on this here. 

Ty Lee

Katara is terrified of her, do I need to elaborate? Ty Lee by far has the scariest skill set on the show. It’s too easy for people to underestimate her. Katara and Suki make that mistake once and then never do it again. Like Toph, Ty Lee knows to wait for the right time to strike, making her highly effective at taking out our favorite benders and whole groups of benders (The Terra Team). Her betrayal of Azula is ICONIC and unexpected, but as always, Ty Lee knows just the right time to strike. I think Ty and Mai were perfectly capable of getting away at the Boiling Rock and I’m disappointed they were captured so easily. 

Azula

Look down, you’re talking to your highness. Can’t see her? She’s the reason for your blindness. 

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Azula is the baddest bitch in the game. PERIODT. She is ruthless, cunning and powerful. Her lightning bending is at a whole other level. She is the smartest person on this list. She takes Ba Sing Se from the inside out, utilizes the Da Li perfectly and has antagonized Zuko from the beginning. As far as I’m concerned, she was made to be Firelord. 

[technobladetimestamps]

Nov 16 Stream Timestamps

Timestamps from Technoblade’s “THE REVOLUTION (dream SMP)”

Link to my youtube comment with all of the timestamps x

Timestamps with hyperlinks below

02:13  “This is a surprise tool which will help us later” / thumbnail isn’t foreshadowing / video thumbnails have to be big / stream thumbnails can be detailed 05:17  “The traitor is actually Jschlatt” / firework crafting 09:50  “The ratio is impeccable” 13:23  “Dream’s in the game! My audience retention rate” / vc with Tubbo & Quackity / traitor Jschlatt theory / “Are you high?” “A little” 14:47  “You’re a bit of a wildcard” “I am the most consistent character on the entire server” / “What’s this about getting into power” / “We’ll burn this bridge when we get to it” 15:54  “You really are such an English major” / “You’re an idiom” / malaphor / “I’m actually speaking twice as much English as you guys” 18:07  “I think Thunder is overcompensating in the chat” / “Where can you see me” “In my heart” (Karl & Quackity) / Karl not leaving vc 20:33  vc with Niki / “Did Tubbo just leave me? I spaced out for 2 seconds” / “You can’t call everyone the traitor” “I can & will” 22:45  “You know it’s an event when Skeppy’s here” / “You know it’s a big deal when Georgenotfound wakes up” / “Everyone leaves me” 23:31  explaining the traitor thing to Niki / “Maybe I’m a sleeper agent” / had to kill Tubbo 25:03  nothing happened with that creeper / Fundy interrogating Niki / “Why did I train her for MCC” 25:54  “Even YOU’RE leaving me” / sad music / “I’m sitting here with 203k viewers & it’s not enough for any of these streamers to bear talking to me for more than 60 seconds” / Skeppy joins vc to immediately leave 28:50  Karl has a gift for Techno / Karl is just here for the animatic 32:21  “At least the chat won’t leave me” / pays for his music 35:01  “I’m going to destroy the government so bad” / “I hate all of the farming updates on skyblock” 37:45  joining a vc / “I just got stood up in like 4...conversations in rapid succession” / “My new years resolution was to make friends & it’s november & I’ve made zero headway” / Eret switches sides 41:53  Ender chest setup / worried about hotbar management / potions > shields   43:13  vc with allies / “Karl you are literally the biggest third wheel I have ever seen” 45:03  angering the dogs / trident combo 47:13  “D!ck with one ball” (Tubbo) 50:25  “Let’s hope Wil overslept like [George]” 53:09  recruiting Eret / “If you fight on our side we’ll make you the King of Burger King” / “He’ll be an executive citizen” / “I’m surrounded by idiots” 54:58  putting Schlatt on the allies list / “Schlatt is an alcoholic high on protein power” (Fundy) 56:47  can’t trust Eret / “I hate it when you’re right” (Tubbo) / Wilbur joins vc 59:50  having a moment with Hubert / “Not even the mobs like me” / sad music / “I just gained 8k subscribers the sadness is gone” / cow pit exp farm 1:02:57  vc with Niki / “I’m going to join the other vc AHHHHH” 1:05:02  “Once everyone meets up...I have something prepared” / “Technoblade when are you not ready?” “When I joined the server” 1:09:38  “Who do you take me for? Of course I’ve read the Art of War. It’s written by Mozart” / battle planning 1:12:18  “This is the betrayal...happening very slowly” 1:13:35  Pan1 / “This revolution is so doomed” 1:15:29  Dream attack / Quackity dies 1:18:07  “Agree Retweet” / “Violence is the only universal language” / “i have a supply” / “Why do you talk in upwards inflections constantly?” 1:19:57  Techno not getting to talk / “He took it all by force didn’t he” / “Fear into Ear” 1:23:50  Techno telling everyone he has a stash twice / distributing blue / mushroom the fox 1:26:49  Tommy talking over Techno again / “Stop going off on your tangents” “We have food at home” 1:29:30  vault reveal / Tubbo stealing emeralds / secret chest 1:32:40  “Shut up bro you are green as shit” (Tommy) / “Everyone give me back my stuff you don’t deserve it” 1:34:41  no netherite swords / “Who’s the traitor” “Promise we won’t be mad” 1:36:31  battle / Technoblade trident maneuvering / giving rocket launchers to Tubbo & Tommy 1:40:27  killing Karl / Dream bringing out the end crystals / fighting invis Dream / purpled switches sides 1:43:57  Dream wants to talk / 309k / group photos 1:46:08  vc with Dream / “But only if my enemy insists” / in the van with Schlatt / “What are you doing in my drug van? It better not be drugs” / Tommy preparing to shoot Schlatt 1:54:42  “We won” / “We killed an old man with heart problems! It only took 20 of us!” / President Innit / subscribe to Technoblade sign 1:55:57  Dream & Techno talk in chat / Tommy speech / “It was meant to be” / “I don’t think anyone is bowing to Tommyinnit” / “Karl don’t be weird” / Skeppy has a disc 1:59:06  Techno being apprehensive on mute / Tommy makes Wilbur President / “I’ll be the president” “I’m gonna veto that” / “Techno...you’ve taught me that government is not the way to go” / Wilbur makes Tubbo president 2:03:20  “I’m not sure I like where this is going x2” / “I’m not sure this is a good ending” / “Team chaos” “Perhaps” 2:06:20  Techno shoots Tubbo / Philza joins / “You think Schlatt was the cause of your problems? No. It was government” / speech gets interrupted / “The government ends here, I’ll kill it myself!” 2:09:23  Phil kills Wilbur / techno yelling for silence / “Tommy you just did a coup...& instilled yourself as president” 2:12:11  “If you want to be a hero THAN DIE LIKE ONE” / wither spawning / killing his former allies 2:15:09  post fight talks / “There will be no new government today. It will be over my dead body” / “Techno was not the traitor” 2:18:50  “I need to increase the crater that is L’Manberg so that no country can rise in its place” / “Mom says it’s my turn on the flame bow” 2:23:51  “What I’m doing right now is small scale. This is the work of an individual. This is nothing compared to the cruelty governments all around the world [inflict]...systematically” / “Llamas are the primary victims of war” / “I just wanna be apart of the explosion” (George) 2:27:06  Techno joins vc / connor joins the server / “I hope you’re proud of yourself Techno” “I kinda am” / Jack Manifold (Thunder) being broke / netherite armor 2:32:30  “Beach episode” / Techno accidentally joins the L’Manberg vc 2:35:16  the base is compromised / “There’s no way Technoblade would put a clock there if it didn’t mean anything” / got robbed 2:37:37  “If you’re going to ask me how I got all these emerald & arrows that’s a story for another day” / explaining the bedrock / “I can give everyone stuff & it’ll be such a flex” 2:40:24  Greek mythology 2:41:45  The Golden Apple / “They didn’t use discord back then they used skype, so can’t invite Eris” / “Zeus the god of feminism” 2:46:02  Eret recruiting Techno to kill George / joining vc / “Let’s stop him before he gets land” / Awesamdude proposing a fight 2:49:08  “No one can kill me I’m invincible” (logs out) / Dream literally names the turtle potions Sam thinks he hasn’t heard of / “I’m at soup” / “It’s not smack talk he just has that many items” 2:53:06  “Stab him Dream, I’ll shout encouraging words” / Techno fighting Bad & Ant 2:56:23  Dream wins / “I think there was this Dream guy attacking you with some sort of weapon” 3:00:11  turtle potions / Dream hyping up Techno about fighting BBH / Badlands negotiating with George 3:04:34  vc with Philza 3:07:00  spider farm afk’ing / lagging Quackity’s computer 3:09:06  smp earth / Phil only logged on to back Techno up 3:10:32  killing George / “I’m gonna drop his armor off don’t jump me” / not fighting Dream 3:13:00  vc with Karl & Phil / Karl definitely not starting a government / “Chat that was the boring part, don’t leave” / 320k / “Why do we keep scheduling these on Monday?” 3:16:18  “I don’t even want to think about how famous Tommy will be in the future” / “I get a tad bitter” / covid is good for youtubers but obviously bad / “I’m so good at socially distancing” 3:19:51  “Aren’t you tired of being nice Philza? Don’t you just wanna go crazy” / “You should be wary of the old in a profession where people die young” / vc with Eret 3:21:47  “What if you built a slightly larger throne next to it?” /  “How are they paranoid of a mole but the guy with a track record of being a traitor gets no questions asked” 3:25:47  “I’m gonna place a block at the bottom & kill you instantly” / reverse mlg /  emerald rich even with Tubbo’s theft 3:27:57  “I’ll allow it” / upstairs chests robbed / Eret disconnects with the book 3:32:04  armor sabotage bc he thought it’d be 1v5 / crystals are mutually assured destruction / Wilbur afraid of tnt getting blown up early 3:34:11  the diary was actually Eret’s / “He’s gonna tell everyone who I have a crush on. Nooo” / reading the 100 page book / “Can I not win here?” “No” 3:40:14  “This stream has released more serotonin in my brain than the last 6 months combined” / revolution was overcrowded / could improve the crater 2:43:09  “Awkward ten minute period where I’m just sitting there watching them set up a new government but I can’t kill them yet” / Carl is missing 3:44:34  “The one time Technoblade is gonna roleplay & they talk over him” / “CARL” / “As long as Sapnap isn’t the one that took him there’ll still be hope” 3:46:10  “Once you start using end crystals it’s the only pvp that matters & end crystal pvp is so lame” / Webtoons 3:49:10  “What’s going to happen to you & WIlbur now?” “I don’t know, I think I’m chill with Wilbur” / “The only thing that changed is my voice. Zero personal growth” / lines from the first speech that got interrupted / “King George is trending booo” 3:52:00  1 million twitter followers / “O god it’s been four hours...I am not built for this” / did a 13 hour stream once / sub growth goals 3:56:30  “What the heck is Phil watching”

[zodiyack]

Close, But Not Quite Correct

Requested by anon: Hey do ya write for Peaky Blinders? If yes could you do a reader x Tommy !platonic one where the reader is really tough but at the same time quite laid back and everyone just assumes they are dating and they are shocked when she intruduces her love interest to Tommy at a family dinner or so?

Pairing(s): Thomas Shelby x reader platonic!, Michael Gray x reader

Warnings: Swearing, slight angst, fluff, alcohol, probably a tad bit ooc Michael

Note: So I apologize if you didn’t want the love interest to be anyone Tommy knew, I just didn’t really know who to put, my apologies, I can always rewrite it!

Also now that I think about it- I can’t tell if you meant where she has a crush on Tommy or if she has a different love interest and I’m so sorry if this is not what you had in mind aaaa!

Note numero tres: I got carried away and I apologize. Hope you enjoy

Final Note: I don’t even know wth that ending is. Okok bye enjoy the story lmfao

taglist: (it isn’t Tommy x reader, but I’ll still tag ya @captivatedbycillianmurphy and @stydia-4-ever​)

masterlist | Peaky Blinders Masterlist

Y/n and Tommy had been friends for a very long time. They had similar personalities and traits, some people had said that they were like female and male versions of each other. But the thing that was argued about the most, was if they were a couple. Everyone wondered it! Even the Shelby family! Ada and John made a bet that they were, and Polly and Arthur did as well. Making bets with the same goal wasn’t possible, but that’s not what the bet was about.

Their bets were about who would introduce it first. Would Y/n announce that they were engaged or that she was pregnant and Tommy was the father? Or would Tommy reintroduce her as his lover? Maybe they’d walk in on them kissing? Who knew, the bet was just on who would come out and say it already.

People felt like the tension was there. It was strong and obvious to them. They claimed that the two flirted quite a lot. However, in reality, there was nothing there. The “tension” and “flirting” was just the brotherly and sisterly bond they shared. It wasn’t even flirting, more of teasing and mocking in a fun way. The tension wasn’t romantic, it was them wiggling in their seats as they resisted the urge to jump and laugh at one another.

Tommy and Y/n were aware of the assumptions, and it had gotten old fast. Just as Tommy was, she was tough and hard to break. Alas, there was one very large difference. She was more laid back than he was. Tommy was cautious, always ready to move or attack, while Y/n was comfortable and quiet until she felt anything that would make her feel otherwise.

Best friends...but with a few secrets. Tommy was single, free, and didn’t really mind it at all. Y/n on the other hand, was seeing someone. She didn’t tell Tommy, which normally would make him concerned, but he brushed it off when she said she would introduce him to the entire household sometime.

That’s when the idea hit Tommy. Electrocuting him just as lighting would a lightning-rod. If him and his family hosted a dinner party and invited Y/n, while hyping up the family to meet said boyfriend, she couldn’t say no. It would disappoint them as well as make them lose faith of ever meeting him. Plus she owed Tommy some favors.

He reached over and set the paper on his desk, scribbling names of the people to invite. Arthur, John, Finn, Ada, Pol, Michael, Y/n and Y/n’s secret boyfriend. It was perfect. The list was complete and he was already thinking of what to have for dinner. Would the kitchen staff be able to cook anything that Y/n’s lover could eat? He didn’t know that yet, so he still had to ask if there was anything.

There they sat. Curled up on the sofa and watching the fire calmly. As subtle as possible, Tommy brought up the topic. “Say, Y/n, if your lover-boy were to eat with us...is he allergic or incapable of eating anything?”

“Incapable?” She laughed, “You make him sound like a two year old. And no, I believe he isn’t. Why?”

He kept it in mind. “No reason. Thank you, um, enjoy your book or whatever it is you were doing.”

“Tom-”

He rushed out of the room and back to his office. The list was still on his desk where he left it the previous day and a sigh of relief left his mouth. Tommy sat down and wrote the new information down. Next was dinner ideas. What sounded tasty? Nothing came to mind, so Tommy went to the next person he could for advice.

“Ada.”

“Yes Tom?”

Her eyes never left her book, but Thomas knew she was listening. “If we were to eat a special meal as a family...what do you think it should be?” That caught her attention. And just enough to make her head snap up to look at him.

“We’re eating dinner as a family?”

“I didn’t say that. Just-” he sighed. It was just now coming to mind that he didn’t think of what to do or say if anyone got suspicious. He needed to think, and fast. “Uhm, I just need to know what kind of food we would all enjoy.”

Ada squinted at her brother but nodded and went along with whatever it was that he was doing. “Alright. How about...soup? Soup and roast? I’m not sure Tom, but good luck.” Just as quick as she was too look up, she looked back down and continued reading her book.

Tommy thought for a second and nodded before walking back to his office and writing dinner ideas. The last three things were needed and they didn’t require anyone’s assistance. One, dress code if there is one in mind. Two, making the invitations. And three, giving the invitations.

He finished, no dress code needed, and got ready to try and sneak the invitations to each person. The first one was for Ada, so he walked past the room she was in and saw that her book was open but she wasn’t in sight. Tom took the chance and set an invitation in the center of the book, closing it now that the paper worked as a bookmark.

Next, was John, Finn, and Arthur. Tommy learned his brother’s schedule for that day, so he knew that John was currently with Arthur elsewhere. He set three invitations, one labeled John, one labeled Finn, and one labeled Arthur, on the desk where their stuff was placed.

Not quite last, but before it, was Aunt Polly and Michael. He walked over and leaned his head through the door way, seeing his aunt reading. She noticed his presence and raised an eyebrow. “Tommy?”

“Ah, hello Pol.” She gave him a kind smile before returning to her book. She didn’t notice Tommy setting the papers near the door. He excused himself from the room and they said their quick goodbyes. Tom knew Polly would give Michael his, so it wasn’t that big of a fuss.

Finally, it was time for Y/n and whomever this unknown male was. Tommy had gotten away with a subtle question once, but he wasn’t sure he could get away with this one. He walked into the room but quickly moved back out to the hall and against the wall when he heard Y/n giggle and a kissing noise. Just as he thought he got away, Y/n and the male heard his footsteps attempting to make it out the door in time.

“Shit! Hurry, go out the other door!” She recollected herself as her boyfriend ran out the opposite door of the room. Her hair was every which way until she smoothed it down and breathed in. “Uh- uhm...come in!”

“Y/n! Was uh someone in here with you?”

“N-nope. No. Nada. Negative... Hey Tommy?”

“Yes?”

“What are those papers?”

Tom looked down at the papers in his hand. The invitations. “Um...nothing! Just work. Have you...by chance...seen Michael?”

Her eyes widened and her face turned red. Thomas didn’t know why, but he kept it in mind. It was possibly that it could be a sign or a valuable piece of information. He brushed it off, for her sake and for his curiosity’s sake.

“W-what? M-M-Michael? Noooo.”

“Alright then. If you don’t mind, I’ll be setting these here,” he walked over to the sofa and set them on it just as he said he was. “Don’t look at them...okay?” It was the master plan in his mind. Since when did she agree to not look or touch something he specifically told her not to. She nodded and he walked out the door, satisfied with his work.

. . .

Dinner was served, the guests were now arriving. Polly and Ada sat down at the table first, Pol already sipping away at her beverage. Next was John, Finn and Arthur, both John and Arthur joining Polly on the alcohol train. Michael walked in, his hair messed up and his collar positioned to cover his neck, just like it had been the past few days.

Finally, Y/n walked over to the table and sat next to Michael and Tommy. They began to eat. Everyone, except for Tommy, thought Y/n or Tommy was about to introduce their relationship. Pol was determined to win her bet against Arthur. So when no one spoke up, she decided she’d had enough.

“Alright you two. Time to fess up. Tommy put this all together to tell us that you guys are seeing each other, didn’t he?”

Y/n, Tommy, and Michael choked on their food and drinks. Tommy hit his chest a few times and shook his head quickly. Y/n knew she had to speak up and soon because once Tommy announced the reason, which she caught onto rather quickly, non one would allow her to get away without answering.

“Close,” She wiped her mouth with a cloth, “but not quite.”

The entire table, minus a gaze averting Michael, turned to her. Tommy raised an eyebrow and started naming names jokingly, each person that was named and present shaking their head. “So when is he getting here? Or is he already here? John? Arthur? F- no that’s just nooo...um... that boy you met at the Garrison? The other boy? Who is it then?”

“I’m seeing Michael.”

“Michael? What Michael? Our Michael? That’s very funny Y/n.” John chuckled, but stopped after Thomas gave him a serious look.

“Are you being serious, Y/n? I’d like it if you answered what John inquired because I am quite curious. So, Y/n, who-”

“Tom.” A new voice entered. Everyone’s heads turned to the direction it came from. Michael fucking Gray. “She’s seeing me. I’m seeing her.”

Newfound silence filled the room. Tension, undecided whether it was good or bad, snuck in with it’s silent friend. Y/n’s eyes darted from her best friend to her now public lover. She was sure of it now. Thomas was staring daggers right into Michael’s soul. If looks could kill, Michael would be more than just dead.

“Thomas. Don’t.”

“Stay out of it Ada.” He stood up and walked to the other side of Y/n, staring Michael down more intense than he was only a second ago. “You mean to tell me, Gray, that you’re romantically involved with my best friend, with the person who means the world to me, with the person I would give my life for? I need you to answer me honestly. Are you prepared for this question?”

Michael didn’t answer. Instead, he gulped and widened his eyes. If he didn’t already fear Tommy, he sure did now.

“I asked you a question, god dammit! You answer me or I’ll make you answer me!” Everyone, really everyone, either gasped or flinched. It was known. Tom didn’t yell like that unless he was very very very serious. Pol would’ve normally stepped in to defend her son, but she too was curious and somewhat hesitant now that Thomas was red as a tomato.

“Y-yes?”

“Do you love her?”

“W-what?”

“Do you love her!!?”

Y/n’s hand thrusted itself into Michael’s. Now even she was scared for him.

“Yes! Yes I do! I love her with all my heart!”

“Would you die for her? Or rather, protect her with your life?”

“Yes! Yes to both of those!”

“Would you ever lie to her or have an affair?”

“No!” He was squeezing Y/n’s hand. His hand was sweaty, and also red from how tightly he was gripping hers.

She took it as the last straw. Seeing both of her boys fight pained her to an extreme measure. Knowing that it was because of her, even a little bit, pained her just the same. “Enough! Thomas! Michael! I am in love with Michael, he has made it clear that he is in love with me! He is kind, listening, caring, loving, protective, and overall and amazing man. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. And I love you Tom, you’re my best friend and you always have been, so please. Don’t let him and I being involved change our or your relationship.”

She finished her sentence, plopping back down and sighing loudly before digging into her food. The rest of the family, not including Michael or Thomas, slowly eased back into eating their food. They still felt the tension, so it was a very quiet dinner.

A smile formed onto Y/n’s face when she felt Michael’s hand rub her back. She leaned into his arm and thanked him. After she finished scolding the boys, she sat back down with teary eyes and Michael was the first to notice.

Thomas froze. The sight in front of him, Michael comforting Y/n as she sobbed silently into his shoulder...it all clicked into place. Her nervousness, Michael’s collars, the giggling and freak out when Thomas was trying to deliver the invitations. She was head over heals for Michael.

He sat back in his seat beside Y/n. His arm rested above Michael’s, rubbing her back as well. Y/n turned and faced Tommy with red puffy eyes that made his heart ache. He really hurt her that badly? She spoke up, and what she said shocked Tommy greatly. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry Y/n/n, I should be the one who’s sorry.”

“Y-you’re not mad?”

“Close, but not quite.” He repeated her answer from Polly’s previous question.

Y/n opened her mouth to speak but closed it and squinted. Visibly in thought, he murmured to herself. “What do you mean?”

“I’m not mad, I’m more...protective. Ya know? If he hurts you...don’t think that just because he’s my cousin I won’t shoot him dead.”

“Like hell you will!” The table burst into laughter due to Polly’s comment. Michael and Thomas this time as well. Y/n smiled genuinely. She was proud of her work. While Tommy was chuckling and distracted, she turned her head to him and tackled him in a hug.

“Thank you Tom-Tom.”

“Of course Y/n/n. I just want you to be happy, safe and loved.”

She let her smile drop and an eyebrow raise. “You’re still gonna beat him up a bit, aren’t you?” The question was more of an observation. A very accurate observation.

“You are one-hundred percent correct. Now finish your food and enjoy some family time.”

[rachelbethhines]

TTS Songs Ranked Worst to Best

Someone asked me to rank my fav and least fav TTS songs a while back, but I’ve since then relistened to the soundtrack and there’s a whole bunch of songs that just forgot about, so here’s a more accurate ranking now that the songs are more fresh in my mind

32 .  Life After Happily Ever After (Reprise)

This song is infuriating, because the finale is infuriating. Listening to this song just makes me angry all over again because it reminds me just how unsatisfying the ending to TTS was. I wanted to turn it off at several points. I barely can get through it despite it being so short. It doesn’t help that the soundtrack leaves all the dialogue in there and fails to actually end the song. It just cuts off before the final note.

31. Hook Foot’s Ballad

Does this even count as a song? Why is it here on the soundtrack but not the Hurt Incantation? Did Menken really waste his talent writing a joke and did the showrunners really waste money and limited resources on this?

30. Friendship Song

Bland, boring, and pointless. It was clearly written as a marketing stunt for the radio disney charts and not as anything to do with the plot of the series. They just throw it up on screen to fill out the running time and don't even let the whole song play through. It’s pitiful.

29. Waiting in the Wings (Reprise)

I didn’t think much of the original song one way or the other, but the reprise is soooo dumb. The plot twist it introduces winds up ruining the whole show and sabotaging both Cassandra’s and Rapunzel’s characters. It’s not even a nice sounding song on it’s own. The kid’s voice is irritating (who I’m sure is doing her best, but really little kids shouldn’t be made to sing professionally as a general rule) and the melody just as bland as the first time it was played. The only reason to like this song is if you’r a mega fan of Cassandra’s or her VA, which I am not. (Note: this is not a criticism of Eden Espinosa, I just don’t happen to follow any of the VAs in this show)      

28. Through It All

I like the instrumentals in this song, and that’s about it. Everything about this song is wrong. It doesn’t fit the story, it’s a misuse of the cast and songwriters, it’s a waste of valuable screen time, the melody is dull, and the dang soundtrack had to throw in that lame dialogue about ‘greatest threat ever’ at the beginning. If you want a pump up song in your story then you got to earn it. You can’t just tell us things are bad, you got to show it. A joyful horseback ride and everyone sitting in a bar safe and sound isn’t threatening or depressing enough to warrant a cheering up session. Plus the song itself doesn’t add anything to the overall story.

27.  The Girl Who Has Everything

Sometimes I think the writers were willing trying to sabotage themselves. It’s as if they were determined to make the only two main female characters in the show unlikeable bitches in season three.   Don’t believe me? The creator Chris has said this song only exists to highlight how much easier Rapunzel has things than Cass and went onto say that Rapunzel was in the wrong during their conflict because ‘she held Cassandra back’. (Oh yeah she totally ‘held back’ the grown woman who left on her own accord, returned on her own accord, and then assaulted and tried to murder a bunch of people for no reason of her own accord.) But this song does succeed in furthering season’s three narrative that Rapunzel is a spoiled selfish brat. Shame the story fails to address this setup and never has Rapunzel learn to be a better person. Rather the narrative bends over backward to tell us how special Rapunzel is without any sense of self awareness and this song falls into that same trap; making it both irritating and pointless.

26. Listen Up

Yeah, I talked about this on my salt marathon, but I just don't like this song very much. The melody is fine but the lyrics are a real miss in my mind. It doesn’t help matters that the song is indeed pointless in the grand scheme of things.

25.  Livin’ the Dream

This is much on the same level as Listen Up as it features the same problems. It doesn’t add to the narrative and the lyrics kind of let it down. I placed it higher just because I like the melody a little more.

24.  More of Me

This song is a lot like the Friendship Song in that it was created to be an end credit song for the pop charts and you’d be forgiven in forgetting it even exists. However, it at least got to actually play all the way through. I think this song was a real missed opportunity. I honestly believe that it should have been the opening theme song of the show instead of Wind in My Hair. It’s more built to serve such a purpose and it’s a waste of resources not to actually use it. Alternatively, I would have accepted it being reworked into the actual series as a character song. Especially since we’re missing a song in season three due to budget cuts.  

23. Wind In My Hair

Speaking of theme songs, I think I would like Wind In My Hair a lot better if i didn’t have to listen to it every episode. On its own it actually has a lot of things going for it; a nice melody, interesting instrumentals, good singing, ect. Unfortunately it’s just over exposed, and none of those elements lend themselves naturally to an intro song for a tv show. In fact the theme song feels really out of place and is edited oddly to fit the shorter intro. 

22. Wind In My Hair (Reprise)  

Honestly the theme song is mostly comprised of this reprise, but it has the opening instrumentals from the OG song frankensteined onto it. This means that the version that plays before every episode is on fullblast all the time to keep the energy up, but that’s not how the song is suppose to go.  The actual reprise that plays in the pilot builds to a crescendo, starting soft and melancolony and getting louder and more hopeful and determined. It sounds a lot better in full because of that.  It’s still too overexposed though. Both these songs would probably be higher on the list of not for the theme song version. 

21. With You by My Side

This song is fine. It’s nothing special, but it’s not bad either. What knocks it down the list is the fact that Lance isn’t in it, despite Lance being right there.  Like don't bother hiring a famous Broadway singer if you’re not going to have him sing!  But that speaks more to the poor writing of season two than anything else. This song also doesn’t really add anything to the narrative as, contrary to what the writers intended, it doesn’t actually enhance the emotional impact of Cassandra’s betrayal later in the episode. The song itself is just tacked on and doesn’t take the opportunity to lay down any foreshadowing for that plot point.  

20. Next Stop Anywhere

Another perfectly serviable song. It’s not bad but nothing outstanding. It gets the job done. It’s also really ho-hum and the soundtrack keeps all the unneeded dialogue, which is a pet peeve of mine. 

19. Waiting In the Wings

Despite it’s hype, I never thought much of Waiting in the Wings. It’s got nice instrumentals and Eden Espinosa gives it her all in the singing department. The problem is it’s too generic. It’s a bare bones basic ass ‘I want song’. Cassandra's movations are weak and unsupported by the narrative, the melody is boring, and it honestly doesn’t add anything to her story. I mean it should, it’s her character solo, but because she’s written so poorly the song just winds up undermining the character in the end.   All I’m saying is that, this is not the song from season two that I would have nominated for the Emmys. But it’s still Alan Menken, it’s still nicely performed, and given the rest of the competition for that year, it did deserve to win. 

18. If I Could Take That Moment Back 

This song is also pretty generic, but it’s less boring than I See the Light, (yeah, I said it, I See the Light is boring) so that’s a win in my book. Ergo this holds the title of the only New Dream duet that I enjoy. But there’s better stuff on this list. 

17. Next Stop Anywhere (Reprise)

Well no, I take that back. The reprise of Next Stop Anywhere is also technically a New Dream duet. It’s still not anything amazing, but it works for what it is. Plus, Adria’s opening dialogue in the soundtrack version doesn’t bother me quite as much as some of the other dialogues choices that were kept in.  

16. Stronger Than Ever Before 

I really enjoyed this song in the moment. It’s catchy and fun, and it finally has Lance doing something rather than ignoring his existence. However it is borderline unnecessary in terms of story placement, and I’m slightly mad at it now that I know that we could have gotten a Rapunzel and Varian duet but it was scrapped for this instead.   

15. Crossing the Line

Keeping with the theme of ‘songs I have conflicting emotions about’, we have Crossing the Line.  This song is confused. It starts and stops, the melody isn’t clear, the orchestration is playing tug of war with the singers for dominance, and it’s basically Alan Menken and the show’s creators ripping off Frozen. (I guess he’s kicking himself for leaving that particular project?)   But it’s interesting. I never heard anything quite like it. It’s memorable even if it doesn’t fully work. It’s got these interesting bits and pieces to it that just never quite comes together as a whole. Some of the lyrics are some of the best Glenn Slater has ever wrote and is far better than the story actually surrounding the song. Yet there’s other lines that are total cringe. Sometimes the song is bold and catchy and gets you all hyped up, and then other times its limp and staggering and feels so awkward to listen to.  Yet it’s not boring or generic and so I have to place it higher than the rest of the songs that’s come before. (Also, there’s some amazing orchestral covers out there that really pulls together the various parts really well, just fyi) 

14.  Nothing Left to Lose

I really don't like this song.  I’ve been one of its biggest critics ever since it was leaked by the marketing team earlier this year.  And yet... I can’t in good conscience place any lower on this list.  All of the problems I have with it are the exact same problems I have with Crossing the Line. It’s confused, the various pieces don't line up, the instrumentals are competing with the vocals, the song’s progression is weird with it’s constant key changes, some of the lyrics are good while others are absolute shit, ect and so forth.  It also actively works against the story it's trying to tell. The song wants you to sympathize with Cassandra, but her lines are as shallow as a puddle and makes her look like a sociopath. Especially when she’s physically attacking Varian through out for no reason. Also neither character learns anything from the exchange and it fails to impact the story.  By all accounts this is a bad song.  But I’m Varian trash.  There I said it. You happy?  Varian’s parts in the songs are fine, good even, and the song is anything but bland. I would rather listen to a mess then be bored to tears by a competent yet standard four chord pop song. 

13. I’d Give Anything

This song is nice to listen to. Story wise it absolutely sucks and shouldn’t have been in the finale at all. But it sounds pleasant.  This is one of those songs that could pop up randomly on the radio and I would just think it it a nice sad break up song. I can’t say that about some of the other misplaced songs in the show. This one however, you can very much, absolutely divorce this song from the narrative and it would be fine.  Now that’s not good writing, and it’s very much a waste of limited resources, but I’m rating the music here first and story second. 

12. Buddy Song

The Buddy Song also absolutely did not need to exist but it also sounds nice. Plus, it makes use of Lance so I’m a little more lenient towards it.   I can’t however place it higher since it really is just Alan Menken ripping off Alan Menken. Like, I would not be at all surprised to find out that this was originally a deleted song for Aladdin or something.  

11. Bigger Than That

What can I say, Lance just gets good songs. When the show bothers to give them to him.  Unfortunately, it’s not the best placed. It kind of interrupts the more important drama of Be Very Afraid, and probably should have been saved for a later episode. Especially since it hinges on a plot point that is contradictory to Lance’s character.    We should have gotten a Varian and Rapunzel duet here and given Lance his own episode in the second half of season three. This song could have easily been refitted into being a bonding moment for him and the girls. That would also have filled out the season’s original songs to the usual eight instead of only  seven.

10. Life After Happily Ever After

Now we’re getting to the good stuff. The top ten. The best of the best.  This song makes the cut for three reasons.  1. It lyrically and musically interesting 2. It does the job of furthering the story and the characters  and 3. Eugene’s part is so damn good.  Like this song could have easily fell down into the ranks of ‘fine but generic’ if it wasn’t for the bridge with Eugene. That puts it over the top and to my mind makes it better than anything from the OG film. (well almost anything, Mother Knows Best is still great)    This is the barometer by which I measure all of the music in the series. Is it better or worse than Life After Happily Ever After? Because this is the level that I equate good musicals with.  What keeps on the tenth spot and not higher is the dialogue that still left on the soundtrack and the lack of a Cassandra introduction. That and also the rest of the songs are just flat better. 

9. Hurt Incantation 

Hurt, Decay, Reverse, whatever you want to call it, this was such a cool fucking concept. One that was utterly wasted by the show.  I place this so high because it just sounds awesome! It looks good too, and it offered up so many possibilities from a story perspective.  What lets it down is the lack of follow up for it and it’s too short. There’s needed to be another verse. It also should have been on the actual soundtrack instead of  Hook Foot’s Ballad.  (The Heal Incantation also was sung in What the Hair, but I’m not counting it since it was written for the film) 

8.  The Girl Who Has Everything (Reprise)

I hate the initial song and the set up that it took to get here, but I love this reprise. It’s perfect. This is what the story needed more of. Rapunzel taking her life into her hands, and her proposing to Eugene would have been the perfect capstone for her arc.  In fact I’m angry we didn’t actually get that. There’s absolutely no reason why Rapunzel couldn’t have done so and we could have had her and Eugene engaged during the second half of season three. How much better would have it been if Cassandra threatened their wedding plans and that’s why they couldn’t go through with it until after the series ended? So much more tension that way. 

7. I Got This

This is a really good song that actually futhers the characters and the narrative. Moreover it’s refreshing to see the heroine not be perfect and to fail sometimes due to her own inadequacies. It’s just a shame that the series didn’t follow through with this set up, but I appreciate the attempt all the same.   

6.  Set Yourself Free

This is the only song in the series that’s an actual satisfying pay off for anything. Music wise it’s nothing too special, but in terms of context it just works. We were sorely deprived of such resolutions and songs with actual meaning in the show. 

5. View From Up Here

This song is too good for the episode it actually appears in. We needed something like this back in season one to introduce Cassandra with. It also sadly doesn’t fit with the wider narrative after season three. However I shall still appreciate it as a ‘what might have been’ type song. 

4.  Let Me Make You Proud 

The only reason why this song isn’t higher is just overexposure and I’ve no one to blame but myself for that. I’ve listened to this song way too many times. As such it tends to alternate between this, View from Up Here, and the next song on the list. But make no mistake it is glorious. Fantastic instrumentals, set up, and of course amazing vocals. 

3.  Everything I Ever Thought I Knew

Yes, I know this plot point didn’t lead anywhere, but it works for this song at least. Also Eugene’s VA is a really underrated singer. He sounds nice and he emotes really well.  Though I’ll be honest, this jumped up to third place because it was fresh in my mind after listening to the soundtrack before making this list. I’ve always liked the song and I do rate it highly, but it can change places with Let Me Make You Proud and View from Up Here at anytime depending on my mood. 

2.  Let Me Make You Proud (Reprise)

This song is heartbreaking!  Story wise it probably shouldn’t exist because it gives away the twist too soon, but who cares, it’s awesome!  Varian’s arc is the most compelling in the show and the only thing that saves TTS from falling into mediocre obscurity; and it’s songs like this that help make the arc stand out even more than it already does. 

1. Ready As I’ll Ever Be

I said it before and I’ll say it again; Ready As I’ll Ever Be is the greatest thing Alan Menken has ever written in his entire career!  If you know anything about the multiple award winning songwriter then you know that is no faint praise and I do not dole it out lightly.  This song is the reason why this show even has a fanbase. People are still getting into the series because of this song. And no matter how many times you listen to it just rocks!   It’s complex, layered, moody, and with a fantastic beat and energy. The performances are wonderful and the instrumentation glorious. It belongs in the hollows of Disney’s greatest hits and not regulated to a spin-off tv show that failed to make its money back.  I weep for the lost potential that this song and this show had. It hurts to know that so many people will never see this flash of brilliance that has come out of the House of Mouse, will never know the wonderfulness that is Varian.  Ah, ‘c'est la vie’, I suppose. Tangled the Series got what it deserved, but it's crew did not. While I can not in all honesty recommend the series in full; I do sincerely urge any Disney fan to check out the songs at the very least. Especially this one.  And that’s it. There’s my official ranking of all the songs, and I hope those of you read my Tangled reviews appreciate the hours it took into making this. 

[viscountessevie]

I think we need to respect that Simone is a private person, and Bridgerton was her workplace. I am private and don’t share much of myself with colleagues. People probably think I’m a snob. I don’t mean to be, but sharing is just not in my comfort zone. I’ve kind of gotten that vibe from the Bton oddness. Whatever it is, SA is an adult. She works. She doesn’t need to be effusively close with co-workers.

Okay so I'm pausing 'grave dancing' (as Rahul Kohli puts it) for a moment and we're back to our usual programming!

So I put these all together - though I was going to end with the very top one because I honestly have nothing to add and it pretty much sums up how I feel about the whole thing - because they are all very similar in sentiment as to how Simone is very professional, private and has been in the industry for a while and is doing just fine.

Pretty much I have nothing to add on that front and am letting all these anons speak for themselves!

The last two are also very similar for the cast feeling protective of CC which I understand we're all trying to make sense of their social media behaviour but I really think we should just stop you guys. They already made their bed and decision on who to 'support' in a sense of their likes and comments, that's on them.

I just want to sum up my last post on this with these poignant quotes and points all my anons on this post brought up:

Anon 1: I think we need to respect that Simone is a private person, and Bridgerton was her workplace. I’ve kind of gotten that vibe from the Bton oddness. Whatever it is, SA is an adult. She works. She doesn’t need to be effusively close with co-workers.

Anon 2: Simone Ashley is an adult who has survived in a tough industry this long. She’s doing fine. We all need to remember that.

Anon 3: Simone seems to be not as active and keeps it strictly professional.

And of course the main point I’ve been parroting across all my posts and of course this is all of your choices to do so and I am no way policing your Internet time, just some good ole advice from your Non-Binary Pal: 

Time to set a firm boundary with yourselves to Not look at the cast’s social media activities (likes and comments) 

It’s their business who they want to hype up with their likes and comments, I cannot give a single fuck anymore I already know where they stand so no point bringing it anymore in my opinion. Also on top of all the dramas we get every day (did yall see Regé’s post yall?? Just wait I have a post coming on that!), we do not need add this to that. 

[Got a little long; direct replies to Anon 1 & 3 along with me setting a new boundary on this blog below!]

[Let’s all just look at JQ making a fool of herself again - did yall see this dumbass repost a bookshop doing their best labelling all the books with the spouses BUT THEN FUCKED UP WITH GREGORY AND PUT HERMIONE INSTEAD OF LUCY??? JQ’s laundry list is getting too long I don’t think I can keep enough to make that recap post kjshhasd.] 

Before I end this off I want to reply directly to Anon 1&3 (cos 2 you said all there is so thank you so much for your ask!): 

To Anon 1 - Babess you’re just private and I promise you’re not snobby at all! If your co-workers think that, that’s on them! I dunno when we all got to a point where everything needs to be shared everywhere tbh. Life and Film School especially has lately been teaching that I need more boundaries in my life between the different parts - hell even on here. 

To Anon 3 - Her new projects are coming babes!!! I think once TLM starts promo and she can talk about it more, more of her projects are gonna be announced. You know what they say, when it rains it pours. As for ‘angel bean’ Jonny, I do like him and admire his work,,, I realised something that I will address in the Regé post but let’s just say that the realisation has made me side eye the extent of his support of Simone. I still like him - not so much love anymore but yeah again learning to engage with celebs a normal amount. I’ll talk more about it in a bit! 

Anyways ending this with boundaries: I hope you guys find it in you to want to set the boundary I said above ^^ and as for me I would like to set a new boundary as well. As much as I want to listen to all of your views and asks, I am extremely burnt out by CC asks so I please ask that we no longer discuss her on this blog. Yes, I’ll reblog an odd photoshoot of her or an Eddie gif when I’m missing Bookwina but I don’t really wanna talk about her via asks! [Everything I’ve wanted to say on my stance on her is in this masterpost as well as this previous ask where I mention I still do admire her as an actress.]

Oh and comparison asks like the string of these that we had over this week. I have said multiple times, I hate hate comparing them. CC getting the hype doesn’t diminish our love for Simone or her talent!!

Thanks for reading yall and for sending these asks in! Hope you understand my new boundary and respect it!! 

[gloster]

FAVORITE FANFICS OF 2019

HAPPY NEW YEAR’S EVE & HAPPY 2020 TO YOU ALL.

So this was a fun post I did last year, inspired by the dozens of Favorite Books of 2018 by the booktubers I followed and I thought to myself: why not do a little something something for the fanfics that stood out to me, stuck me with throughout the year. 

Last year I read insanely amazing reads, and if you’re interested to see what were my favorite fanfics of 2018, here’s the link: past favs

For this year, I read sooooooo many incredible fanfics that it was hard to narrow it down to just 10. And the funny thing is, a good portion were from the same author, so it was insanely hard picking the top one. 

I implore all of you reading and following me to try the tag-and please tag me. Always on the hunt for fanfic recs. I also am curious to hear the favorites from the following people: @kila09, @sebbies, @bookstakeyoutootherworlds, @scarlet47, @fleetofshippyships, @eyelashesandentropy, @tired-luxis, @dreamydrarry, @mothermalfoy, @profoundfelicity & @goldentruth813

Without any further ado, here are my top 10 favorite fanfics for 2019:

1). Soup-pocalypse and The Great Curry Cataclysm by SqaudOfCats/ @norelationtoatticus (drarry)

Summary: Eleven years after the war, Draco Malfoy leads a quiet, boring, and perfectly respectable life, thanks very much. Or, at least he does, until a sudden and very unexpected veela awakening causes him to throw soup all over Harry Potter in the middle of the Ministry cafeteria.

If the summary alone doesn’t get you to immediately click on the link and read, I don’t know what to say. But I can say this. SqaudofCats has become my new drarry favorite author period. I read all of her drarry stories, loved them all, and am hoping she does more. 

This story, in one word, was a GEM. A FUCKING GEM. It was so so so good.There were so many good elements: Veela Draco, Dad Harry raising Teddy, Draco learning how to cook, a strang but HILARIOUS courtship involving food that I didn’t realize how much I needed until this story. It was also a perfect blend of fluff with so many cute moments and angst, which thankfully didn’t involve the couple but had to do with Harry’s mental health and PTSD post-war. 

I read this story back in May and I still think about it. Have to stop myself from reading because I have so many fanfic tabs. But it is so good. It’s so addicting. Highly recommend. 

Honorable mentions from this writer:

*Gift for Draco

*Nearly Lost Things, Carefully Tended

2). Cinderfella by @goldentruth813 (sheith)

Summary: Takashi Shirogane is exactly the kind of man Keith likes; built like a brick house with a smile sweet enough to rot teeth and a heart of gold. Of course he’s also YouTube famous and worlds out of Keith’s league. The closest he can get to his pseudo-celebrity crush is when he watches Shiro’s videos from the safety of his bed. Or so he thinks.

This incredible bean of a human being, this incredible writer is the reason I was pulled into the sheith ship long before I finally got into the show-and then had me drag @kila09 into the incredible maddness that is Shiro and Keith and the crew....and the disappointing season 8 that I am still pissed about. But yes @goldentruth813 is the reason why I got pulled into this ship, and this fanfic is the story that sealed my love for sheith and made them my 3rd favorite ship of all time. 

This story is a fun, hilarious modern twist of Cinderella that obviously involves two guys, one is who a popular Youtuber and the other who is a hardcore super fan who meet in the most surprising circumstances and come back together in the most hilarious of ways. With our classic glass slipper being a beloved leather jacket. 

It’s so stinking cute. It’s so hilarious. And it’s so weird since, while I do appreciate the fairytale, Cinderella isn’t one of my favorites but I’m a sucker for a good retelling of it. And this was so good.

Honorable mention by this writer: 

*Safe Haven 

3). Burn the Witch by @lettersbyelise (drarry)

Summary:  When Harry Potter is sent in to investigate Draco Malfoy’s successful potions company, posing as Draco’s bodyguard, he doesn’t know the case will launch a series of events that will change his life — and Draco’s. A story about choices, scars, Chopin piano pieces, and finding all kinds of love in the most unexpected places.

Let’s be honest here. At this point, are we really surprise to see this story here , featured in a favorites/rec list? Are we honestly surprise? At this point, I feel every drarry-shipping reader has read it. Devoured it. And praised it. 

This story pretty much took over the drarry community the way Red, White & Royal Blue took over the book world. There wasn’t a day when I didn’t see Burn the Witch featured in a drarry fanfic recs post, saw posts praising it. Fanart of it, edits for it, and several mood-boards. It was THAT STORY. And I am proud to say it was worth THE HYPE. 

Because it’s so well-known, I’m not going into too much detail but I can say it involves Daddy Draco and Scorpius who is precious, Harry in an undercover mission, and has one of the BEST post-war, slow-burn to the point of excruciating drarry relationship I’ve read all year. READ IT. 

Honorable mention by this writer:

*Draco Malfoy’s Stupendous Seduction Seminar

*Love Me (Four Times)

4). Evitative by Vichan (drarry)

Summary: In the summer before his fifth year at Hogwarts, Harry is drawn to a room in Grimmauld Place. Like the Gryffindor he is, he enters the room without fear. The room is a library, and Harry is surprised to find that he’s eager to learn.Then he gets the bad news: he’s been accidentally expelled from Hogwarts, and he needs to be sorted again. Everyone is confident that he’ll go straight back to Gryffindor, but with what he's been learning, Harry’s not so sure.

Out of all the stories I have in my list, this is the only one that is currently a WIP. I know some are hesitant with WIPs but this one is so worth it. Another hidden jewel found by chance. This story has to be one of the best slytherin-Harry ever and that shows the Slytherin House and the Slytherins in a positive light while still remaining true to their cunning ways. 

5). Up We Go by Oh_Hey_Tae (BTS: Taehyung x Jimin x Yoongi)

Summary: “If you’re a witch that works with plants, then why are all of yours dead? That can’t be good for business.”

The room dims again, and Jimin lifts a hand to flip off the ceiling. Taehyung knows he’s sad and that’s why the shop darkens and he shouldn’t find it funny—but he can’t help it. Because this is ridiculous. The good kind of ridiculous. The amazing kind.

(Or: Taehyung has a green thumb, Jimin runs a magical store, and Yoongi can kind of see dead people.)

Oh my goodness, where on earth do I even begin with this one? I am loss for words. It’s been months since I read it and I am still lost for words on how incredible it is. This story reads like a fairytale. Who am I kidding? This is a fairytale. A beautiful fairytale that is of loss, grief, friendship, family, love, and magic. And a beautiful fairytale that features a poly relationship

I was broken at the last word of the last chapter. Broken. Broken and put back together again.This story was so heartbreaking and heartwarming and I couldn’t think of anything else the whole damn week after I finished it. It was that good. 

Honorable mention by this writer:

* Tell Me Again

6). Silence by the Night by @parkkate (drarry)

Summary: After a spell goes horribly wrong, Harry has to deal with the loss of his eyesight. It’s such terrible timing, too, because how is he supposed to find out what Malfoy has been up to in the Room of Requirement? It’s not like he can ask the git, not only because it’s Malfoy, but also because the Slytherin has suddenly lost his voice. While they’re both trapped in the hospital wing, however, Harry discovers there’s so much he didn’t know about Malfoy, and it’s highly intriguing, but also a bit alarming. Where did all these confusing feelings come from all of a sudden? And what is Harry going to do about them?

See no evil. Hear no evil. Speak no evil. That is the best way to sum up this story. The themes of it certainly tie with the story. This story....there is a certain chapter and @parkkate knows what I mean if she remembers my reviews that shattered me. That made me sit down with a gasp because the angst just cut through me in a way that no other drarry fanfic had do to me. @parkkate I hope you know what I mean. 

Funny thing is about this fanfic is that it took my lazy butt forever to read it, like months after it was done. And mind you, I’ve seen so much praise and incredible fanart for this fanfic as well. So yeah, I was cursing myself for not getting to it sooner. And it was so so so so damn good that I literally said to @parkkate THIS IS CANON. This is canon. This happened 6th year after the bathroom scene and no one can tell otherwise. 

7). You only Live Once by @dreaming-fireflies (viktuuri/victuuri)

Summary: It's when the man is soaring in mid-air under the full moon that Victor gets a good look at him: he's Japanese, with black hair slicked back in a styled look, and a lithe body covered in tight, tight, leather under a navy blue coat.

And when the man lands on the ground again, Victor sees the final piece that captures his heart absolutely and thoroughly – a pair of brilliant, golden eyes.

Victuuri supernatural AU in which Victor is a Western demon hunter and Yuuri is a Japanese half-youkai exterminator.A cross-cultural romantic comedy/drama, with Japanese mythology, shounen action, and slice of life elements.

Literally the summary itself said everything you needed to know, everything that should AND MUST intrigue you enough into reading, that I don’t know if I really have anything to add. But I’ll try to add some of my own input. 

Like the summary said, this is a Supernatural-au YOI story, infused with Japanese mythology. Two different shows that shouldn’t work together but somehow did, creating such a fantastic read. I loved it. From beginning to end. I even knew first chapter it was going to be an ultimate favorite of mine. This fanfic just reminded me of my great love for Vikor and Yuuri-and my need for a fucking season two. As well as reminded of the glorious prime days of Supernatural, which in my opinion were seasons 4 & 5. There was action, there was angst, there was mutual and insane pining from both sides, and so many incredible moments to put into words. Seriously, what more could you want?

@dreaming-fireflies, you seriously did the damn thing with this story. 

Honorable mentions by this writer: 

*Entwining Fates 

*Zanka

8). your sharp and glorious thorn by @arahir (sheith) 

Summary: To end the war they inherited, Keith marries the King he lead an army against.

“You know, we met once,” the king continues, voice closer, and Keith almost turns. They met many times on the field—but then the king clarifies with a single word. “Before.”

Before he was a king. Maybe before he was a general. Keith has traced his rise like the growth of a seed he planted in clay and never expected to see again for how poorly he sowed it. None of this would have been possible without Keith—not the war, not a line soldier's battlefield promotion, not the end of it all, tied up so neatly by all Keith’s best mistakes. Not the killing, either. The king is right about that much, at least.

This is an arranged-marriage AU story, a trope I don’t love too much unless it’s really well done, and had very strong Game of Thrones vibes. And please note when I said Game of Thrones, I mean Game of Thrones back in its incredible prime, not the shitty season 8 we all agree was a nightmare never to be thought of again. But yes, this story was so good. Arranged marriage, enemies-to-lovers, slowburn. Please read. 

9). Your Constellation Prize by rosegardenlake aka @whoalookingcooljoker (sheith)

Summary: Akira is Hollywood's biggest celebrity. He sings, he acts, he models, he does it all and he does it perfectly. That's what Shiro thinks at least, but what would he know? He's just a tired office worker whose dreams fell through years ago. ...But when he sees Akira, oh god, when he sees him - Shiro's world fills with light again.

When Shiro lands an interview to be an assistant at Akira's company, he has a hard time believing it's reality. Though Akira's rarely around, meeting everyone is like a dream. Especially meeting Keith, Akira's shy sweet dorky cousin (OR IS HE?!)

I didn’t realize how much I would liked-love in fact-or needed a celebrity-AU until I read this story.  And that’s about all I will say since I feel anything else will probably make things spoilery. But I will this say: these two can be such idiots, but they’re our lovable idiots and they’re so sweet, so soft. Also that this story definitely well-portrayed the dark side of fame.

10). That Old Black Magic by @bixgirl1 (drarry)

Summary: Centuries ago, marriage contracts were the norm — ready-made alliances between families, expected and complied with, without complaint. But norms have a way of changing, and when a long-dormant contract flares to life, Harry has to navigate an unexpected splintering of the path he'd thought would be easy after the war... with Draco Malfoy.

Least but certainly not least: an incredible, incredible drarry story done by the impeccable @bixgirl1. 

I know I said that I’m not the biggest fan of the arranged marriage trope since I’ve been let down by so stories that started out promising but disappointed in the end. However, there are a few authors who I can always count on to make this trope into a great story. Such as @beatitudinembty, and also @bixgirl1. 

This being is pretty much....I wanna say Sarah J Maas, one of my fav authors, in the drarry community. Everyone knows her. Everyone loves her. Everything she writes always turns into gold, and this latest story by hers was no except. Arranged marriage brings Harry and Draco together in the most infuriating, excruciating, incredibly-done slowburn. 

Honorable mentions that I seriously wanted to add to the list but this post is already lengthy. All amazing, all greats reads by various writers y’all should check out:

*Moon-Eyed by @l0vegl0wsinthedark (Veela Draco, werewolf Harry, done by another star in the drarry community 

*Expectant by @l0vegl0wsinthedark (drarry mpreg with Veela-Draco & werewolf-Harry)

*Where There is Tea by @bafflinghaze (drarry + bookstore+ tea=goodness)

*The Rules of Matchbreaking @nerdherderette ( drarry: match-maker Draco, oblivious Harry, what more could you want?)

* Come For Me by Frayach (drarry; STEAMY STEAMY smut and disabled rep)

*I Want Your Touch (And I Want Your Love) by @awjiminie (yoonmin with bad boy Jimin, good boy yoongi. What more could you want?)

*Seasons of Love by mucha (BTS; Jimin x Tae x Yoongi; incredibly well-done poly relationship)

Lovely people, that concludes my favorites of 2019. So many fantastic fanfics that I could spend hours gushing over them. To the writers who created these incredible stories. I applaud you. I thank you for creating and sharing these wonderful stories. Anyone interested in doing the tag, please do. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR, GUYS. 

[mae-gi-writes]

Deobi Playlist (EP 6) | The Boyz Imagine

Ep 6: in which Hyunjae’s mom sets him up.

he Boyz x Hospital Playlist inspired drabble series.

Main Characters: Hyunjae, Juyeon, Kevin and OC (Mae)

Sides: the rest of The Boyz.

Genre: fluff, slice of life, comedy, BROMANCE BRUH

EP 1 | EP 2 | EP 3 | EP 4 | EP 5 | EP 6 | EP 7 | EP 8 | EP 9 | EP 10 | EP 11

---------

“Tonight at six. Don’t be late.” 

“Ma,” Hyunjae lets out a tired sigh, ruffling his locks in the process, “I’m really not interested and I--”

“You’re almost thirty! You should be getting married by now!” 

“Ma, blind dates don’t help people get together. It’s just a lousy way for singles to mingle.” 

“Exactly why you should go.” 

“Ma.” 

“Please, Hyunjae? She’s such a good girl. I met her and her mother for tea yesterday and her mother seems so keen to get her daughter married off to an honourable man! Now, I don’t know about honourable, but you’re funny. Surely, you can charm her socks off?” 

“Ma look, I--” Hyunjae frowns upon realizing what his mother is saying, “hey, excuse me? I am so honorable! But anyway, that’s besides the point. I’m not interested--I said I’m not--Hello? HELLO?!” 

Pulling the phone away, he is faced with a blank screen. 

“OH MY GOD!” his nostrils flare, “she just hung up! ON ME!” 

“I can hear you just fine,” comes Juyeon’s mumble from his respective desk. 

Hyunjae swivels around with a look of growing horror at the fact that this time, there’s no getting out of the mess that his mother has just put him in, “I’m almost thirty, and my mother decides that it’s the greatest idea to set me up like I can’t get my life together. Can you believe that?! The outrage?!”

“You don’t have your life together,” Juyeon is quick to point out.

“Juyeon, I really don’t need your sass right now.” 

“So are you? Going to that blind date?” Juyeon asks, a smirk curving his lips upwards as Hyunjae lets out a loud, insufferable sigh like the world has collapsed onto his shoulders, “Do I have a choice?” 

“I guess you don’t.” 

“I guess I don’t.” 

-------

Shit. Shit. Shit. 

It’s only the first date and Hyunjae is already late. Not that he cares, not really. Except that this girl will probably go tattle to her mother about his tardiness, which will then prompt his own mother to give him another earful about not being the perfect gentleman that she has raised him to be. 

It is with that particular train of thought that he practically bursts through the cafe called ‘Yours Truly’. Truly boring, in his personal opinion. Trying his best to swallow mouthfuls of air, scanning the room and walking in until he notices a lone woman, seemingly bored and looking out of the window as though there are other things preoccupying her mind. 

He approaches reluctantly, “Er--Are you Do Sarang?” 

The woman’s face swivels to face him. He has to admit, right there and then, that she’s not all bad looking.

“Yes,” she says slowly, as if she’s gauging his personality, “you’re Lee Jaehyun?” 

He extends a hand, “call me Hyujae. That’s the name I go by, most of the time.” 

She nods, and he barely has time to settle himself into his seat when she tells him, “so what excuse do you want to tell your mother?”

He blinks at her, ‘huh?” 

“You can say I’m boring. I only read books as a hobby and I love baking in my spare time, except I burn the kitchen. You think that’s bad enough? Or maybe tell her I have bad breath or something,” she keeps up the stream of babble with so much gusto that he can barely keep up. His mind churns the words inside his head, before reality suddenly kicks in.

“Wait--” he raises a hand to stop her, “you mean, you’re trying to find ways to sabotage this?” 

“Of course I am. Why? Were you actually--” cupping her hand over her mouth then, her eyes widen in shock, “Oh no, were you actually genuinely interested? Oh my gosh, I am--”

“NO!” He hollers a little too loudly that causes a few glances to glare daggers in his direction. Flashing a guilty smile while scrunching his shoulders up, he lowers his voice and continues, “no, I mean of course I’m not interested in blind dating. I just--I wasn’t sure.” 

“Okay great. Just so that we’re on the same page.” 

“Er--Sure.” 

“Cool. What shall I say about you? That you sweat a lot? Or you have AIDS? Or--” 

“I do not have AIDS,” Hyunjae quickly rectifies. 

Sarang laughs. She does have a nice laugh, he thinks to himself as she says, “you don’t seem like the type to have AIDS.” “Just tell your mom that I’m too noisy and talk too much. Or that I--er-- that I’m just too quiet. Too bland. Boring. You don’t like that.” 

“Okay, deal.” 

“Deal,” it’s at this particular moment that his stomach growls, causing Sarang’s lips to curl up in amusement. Hyunjae bites the inside of his cheek as he tries to restrain his own grin. He looks down for a moment, before finally meeting her eyes once more. 

“So...since we’re already here. Do you want to grab lunch?” 

-------

“So how did your date go?” Mae asks. 

A few days have gone by since Hyunjae’s supposed blind date, much to Mae’s excitement. Considering that she had been one of the potential candidates that the former’s mother had already listed down, she was glad that Mrs. Lee is finally opening up her horizons and allowing more women to enter Hyunjae’s life. Not that he needs any help at all, considering that he’s always been a charmer with the ladies. 

To celebrate, she had all asked them to gather at the local snack they usually frequent -- a habit from their earlier college days that seemed to have stuck -- and had ordered an array of pork belly, raw beef and chicken strips for the occasion. Radishes and Kimchi plates littered their entire table and servings of raw pieces of lettuce were left still untouched as they waited impatiently for the meat to cook through. 

Hyunjae has also noticed how she tries her best to stay as far away as it’s physically possible from Kevin, and while it might not appear that the latter is ruffled by her actions, Hyunjae has known the said man for too long not to notice the flash of hurt flickering across his face.

“She’s actually really cool,” Hyunjae says upon realizing that he still hasn’t answered her question, “she isn’t interested in blind dating either. So we’re both just finding excuses to please the mothers.” 

“Wait, but--” Juyeon frowns, “you just said she’s cool. Why not just hang out with her?” “Because that would just mean that my mother was right, and I’m not giving her the satisfaction.” 

“What an idiot,” Juyeon mutters behind his glass of soju and Hyunjae scowls at him, “piss off, lover boy.” 

“Alright alright, everybody calm down. I have meat,” Mae interrupts them by placing the grilled pieces onto their plates. As she does so, her arm brushes against Kevin’s shoulder, and she jumps back as though she just got burnt. 

“S-Sorry,” she mumbles out. It doesn’t take an expert to notice the fact that she’s blushing. 

Hyunjae clears his throat as a way to distract them from the sudden atmosphere, sending Kevin a pointed look across the table while a mindless Juyeon digs in without hesitation.

“How’s your relationship going, Juyeon?” Mae says a little too loudly, an obvious attempt to divert the attention. 

“It’s going great. We--We really understand each other,” Juyeon says with a small, hesitant smile like he’s trying to hide his happiness. 

“You are so whipped,” Hyunjae singsongs.

“At least my mother doesn’t have to set me up,” Juyeon shoots back.

“OOOH,” echo Mae and Kevin, who accidentally catch each other’s eyes before looking away. Though they’re not fast enough, causing Juyeon to blurt out, “What is going on between you two?” 

“NOTHING!” Both screech at the same time before shooting each other weird looks. 

“Sure doesn’t seem like it though,” Juyeon mutters loud enough for them to hear, while Hyunjae grabs the meat off his plate and stuffs it in his mouth. 

“Speaking of relationships,” Hyunjae continues when Mae hands over the tongs. He puts some fresh meat on the grill, passes some condiments down to Kevin and Juyeon, “Mae, does Changmin not know what boundaries are?” 

“What?” Kevin’s head snapped to attention at the same time that Juyeon said, “what happened with Changmin?” 

“Nothing happened with Changmin,” Mae shoots Hyunjae a look, “stop hyping them up like that.” 

“Oh yeah? Cause you guys were getting pretty friendly when I spotted you in the elevator.” 

“He was trying to untangle my staff card, you dumbass,” she replies through a mouthful of lettuce and pork. Gulping it down, she continues, “stop making the situation something that it’s not. Also, what the fudge were you doing in the Cancer Ward?”

“He was practically breathing the same air as you! How am I supposed to interpret that?!” 

“What? In the elevator? When?” Kevin’s eyes snap right to left in confusion.

“It’s nothing!” Mae answers with flushed cheeks and unable to meet his eyes, “it’s really nothing! And Hyunjae, stop inventing stuff!” 

“I am not! He was so close to you I would have socked him one if I--”

He gets cut off by Juyeon stuffing a roll of lettuce-wrapped meat into his mouth, his words finishing in a gargle as he scowls at Mae with his cheeks still puffed like a sullen child. Mae leans back in her seat, wishing that the ground would swallow her up just so that she does not have to look at Kevin’s face ever again. 

It’s bad enough that she knows he has a crush on her, bad enough that she secretly harbours the same feelings and isn’t sure how to express them. Adding Changmin to the mix will only provoke him and create a havoc of misunderstandings that she really does not wish to get into right now, and Hyunjae’s big ass mouth is not helping.

She waits until Kevin and Juyeon go off their separate ways with an excuse that she’s riding with Hyunjae this time, for he’s going back for his night shift at the hospital. As soon as she gets into his car and slams the door closed, Mae proceeds to whack him across the back of his head.

“Ouch, Jesus woman,” Hyunjae rubs at the sore spot with a grimace, “what was that for?”

“You idiot,” Mae hisses, “why in the world are you talking about Changmin in front of Kevin? You know how insecure he gets!” 

“Relax Mae. I was doing that to rile him up for you.” “Well don’t. I don’t like it.” 

“Hey, I have good intentions okay? Next thing you know, he’s probably going to get off his lazy ass and confess,“ he stops at a red light and cups his face with his hands in a dramatic pout, “and who are you going to thank when that happens?” 

“You’re not getting any credit for that.” 

“You’re so mean.” 

They finally pull up to the Hospital main entrance, before the man nods at her, “go on. I’ll go find a parking spot.” 

“Do I have to say thank you even though I’m pissed at you?” Mae asks, grudgingly picking up her bag. 

“Do you want me to tell my mother how mannerless you are?” he pauses, “actually, maybe that’ll stop her from marrying us off.” 

Despite their earlier argument, a smile creeps up her lips before exploding into a full-out grin. She salutes him, “see you on the other side.” 

“You’re talking as if we’re going to die.” 

“We might as well die, if we don’t save our patients.” 

“Wise words Mae,” he calls out as she walks away, and then chuckles when she sticks her arm out in a back-handed wave.

--------

I gotta say that Mae and Hyunjae’s interactions make me go AHDFH sometimes cause they fight like siblings and it’s the cutest thing. Who agrees with me? 

NEXT EP WILL BE OUT ON MONDAY! 

Tagging: @juyeonzz​ because she is the sweetest thing :,) 

Let me know if you wanna be added to the tagging list! Otherwise, don’t forget to turn on notifications for my Tumblr so that you don’t miss out on Deobi Playlist! ^^ 

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Sixty

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

March 20th, 2002

Emile redid the math, looking over the numbers over and over again. It was possible. He’d have to be smart about investing money to get the extra funds he needed, and he’d have to skimp and save every last penny he could, but by the end of the year, he’d be able to buy a shop. If Remy agreed, they could make it so he could start his own shop. Emile would buy the property, but the rest could be all Remy’s.

There was the matter of getting this done without Remy being the wiser, however. If Remy caught on to what Emile was doing he’d insist that Emile save the money for something else. But if he got Remy to save his money, and Emile saved his own, they could do this. They could get Remy an epic origin story that rivalled the greats in the comics.

  April 11th, 2002

Emile checked the time he had left on the computer at the library. It wasn’t a whole lot, but it should be enough. He had been looking into this off and on for months, saving away most of his extra funds that didn’t go to dates purely to fund this crazy adventure. He googled private investigators in the area, looking around to make sure Remy wasn’t nearby. He opened his email account and looked through the listings, finding the one he had looked up before and found good reviews from. He copied the investigator’s email address into the computer and composed a quick email, asking about discreteness and the rate that the guy charged.

He knew it might take a couple days for the guy to get back to him, so he logged off the computer and blew out a breath. He doubted the man would say no, and he had a good record of finding people who had supposedly dropped off the face of the Earth. But Emile still worried. After all, PI’s could get very expensive very quickly, and Emile didn’t have access to his trust fund until the third of May.

Determination still drove him to send the email, though. Emile knew that this could work. It might take a while, but it could be done. If anyone could find Toby, it was this Dice character. He had a good eye, and he knew how to use it to find a trail. The reviews Emile had found said as much, at any rate.

He walked out of the computer room with a sigh. He could come back tomorrow and see if Dice had replied, but Emile wished he didn’t have to wait in limbo.

Remy bounded over to him with excitement in his eyes, and Emile smiled. Remy was growing bouncier as time went on. The holidays were mere memories by this point, there were no huge, groundbreaking milestones to stress either of them out, it was just...quiet. They were free to be weird, to be excited, to be however they wanted. And Remy seemed to get bouncy whenever he found something he particularly liked, which tended to be a new recipe book, or an idea for coffee that Remy had never considered before. Sure, he would still get excited over comics, but there weren’t too many comics at the library, so Emile suspected it was one of the former things that had Remy hyped up. “What did you find this time, Rem?” Emile asked with a good-natured laugh.

“I found a book on the history of the uses of caffeine in the science section!” Remy exclaimed, dragging Emile to his table. “It’s super cool!”

“Since when do you browse the science section?” Emile asked.

“Since I was bored looking at mystery novels, wandered around, and ended up there. My eyes found this, and I’ve been taking a look through it, and it’s amazing! Did you know that caffeine is actually supposed to be a poison? That’s why you can’t feed it to animals! Humans are just weird enough that we can consume it and not get hurt!” Remy’s eyes lit up like fireworks on the fourth of July. “Like, science and history? Usually not my thing, if I go into nonfiction usually it means I’m looking for recipes, but this is so cool! Coffee beans have been used for centuries, if not millenia! How crazy is that?! Coffee comes all the way from Ethiopia, and now it’s used all over the world! It’s...I just...it’s so cool, Emile!”

“I know that,” Emile said, grinning. “Purely by your enthusiasm. I’ve never seen you this excited, not even over comics!”

“I never got to learn interesting things in school,” Remy said. “Even in college, I knew everything they were teaching me, but I never knew about this stuff before!”

Emile just nodded along patiently. “You know, if I had known you’d get this excited about learning things you wanted to learn about, I would have insisted we make regular trips to the library forever ago. Do you want to make them weekly, now?”

Remy’s eyes were wide. “Oh, could we? I doubt this is the only book about this sort of thing here, I bet I could find all sorts of cool stuff in the history section, and learn how they used to use coffee and the like in Ye Olden Times, maybe improve or work on some of those ideas until I can make them function, do you have any idea how cool that would be?!”

“It would be amazing,” Emile said with a laugh. “You know, though, you might have to save more of your money if you want to experiment with that sort of thing. We might not go out on so many dates.”

“I don’t care,” Remy breathed. “If I saved money, I could discover dozens of new recipes with good ingredients! I could almost open my own shop if I figured out those sorts of things!”

“That would be amazing,” Emile said with a grin. “Just remember, you don’t want to save up just enough to experiment and then not have any extra funds to repeat what you did and get that good sort of food again!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Remy agreed. “I’ll probably be saving up for several months, just to be sure.”

“Yeah, like...hold off until around...say, six months from now? Then experiment to your heart’s content. And don’t forget to keep track of what works and what doesn’t!” Emile said.

“I know, Emile, it’s my system,” Remy said, grinning.

“I know you know, but a reminder never hurts,” Emile said with a shrug. “Anyway, I’ve done what I came to do, papers are finished, research is done, and I even got to send out a couple emails to friends. You ready to go?”

“Yeah, sure,” Remy said, closing the book and leaving it on the table.

They walked out into the parking lot and Emile laughed as it started to rain. “April showers,” he said.

“We live in the city, Emile, how many May flowers can there possibly be?” Remy asked.

Emile shrugged. “The first half of the rhyme applies, at least,” he said. “Still want to head to the shelter today?”

“Can we at least drive and park nearby? I don’t want to get absolutely drenched in the walk from home there, and then dry off only to get drenched again on the walk back,” Remy said.

Emile rolled his eyes up in thought and his fingers twitched. “I’m not sure what parking lots are near the shelter, do you know?”

“Yeah, I know a couple,” Remy said.

“Cool,” Emile said, tossing Remy the car keys and getting in.

Remy fell into the driver’s seat and he stuck the keys in the ignition, but he didn’t move beyond that. Emile glanced over. “You good, Rem?”

“Yeah,” Remy said, starting to life and starting the car. “Just thinking.”

“About anything in particular?” Emile asked.

Remy turned slightly red. “Toby,” he admitted. “I’m just wondering what he would think about me doing these sort of things with you. If he’d approve.”

“Why wouldn’t he?” Emile asked.

Remy sighed. “For all his protection and love, he still sometimes doesn’t understand certain things. Like, he gave me ‘The Talk’ when I told him I was gay. But he’d still make jokes in poor taste about gay or trans people. He understands that homeless people aren’t all homeless just because they’re lazy and can’t find a job, but he’s not proactive when it comes to helping them. He’s...not our parents, but he has some bad habits. Don’t get me wrong, I still love him! And he’s definitely gotten better the few times I would take him aside and explain why he shouldn’t say certain things. Fact remains that he’s got some views that aren’t...up to date.”

Emile didn’t know how to respond to that. Did that mean that Toby was actually like Remy’s parents? Did he hurt Remy, but Remy was so wrapped up in the fact that Toby kept him physically safe that he disregarded any emotional damage? “Do you think he’s capable of change? Realistically speaking.”

“Hm? Oh, yeah,” Remy agreed. “I’ve seen him change myself. From constantly making gay jokes when he was a kid to showing me compassion when I came out, all because one or two of his friends wound up being gay. He’s capable of change, for sure. He just...doesn’t always think about whether or not he should change if something doesn’t immediately affect him or the people he cares about. He’s not like my parents, Emile.”

“I never said he was,” Emile said.

Remy glanced at him. “I know you were thinking about it, though. It’s not a big deal, you’re concerned for me and you didn’t directly call Toby a bad person. You checked to make sure he wasn’t like my parents before making a decision. I appreciate that.”

Emile nodded. “Of course. I try not to make snap judgements about people, but I did realize I made more snap judgements than I thought, especially when we talked about your parents. Now, I try and make it a point to gather information to make an informed decision, rather than just listening to one side of the story and making plans and expressing feelings based only on that.”

“Huh,” Remy said. “You’re capable of change, too. Nice to know.”

“Did you think I wasn’t?” Emile asked, confused.

“Not particularly,” Remy said, “But it’s always nice to have confirmation.”

Emile nodded, and when Remy parked in a lot that was just a block from the shelter, Emile arched his eyebrows. “I didn’t realize this lot was that close,” he said.

“This may be a city, Emile, but it’s a small one. I know my way around it pretty well,” Remy said, getting out of the car.

Emile grabbed Remy’s hand as they walked to the shelter. “One of the many things I love about you,” Emile said. “You’re incredibly smart.”

“I’m not,” Remy said, turning red. “I know how to use a checkbook, but that’s about it.”

“You’re smart with numbers, and with food, and you enjoy learning, just not conventionally,” Emile said. “You’re sharp, Rem, don’t sell yourself short.”

“Look, Emile, I can’t make a career out of any of those things. And before you mention there are lots of jobs where you need to be good with numbers, I’m not becoming an accountant.”

Emile laughed. “I wasn’t going to suggest that,” he said. “You’d die of boredom doing someone else’s financials within weeks. And I like you alive, thank you very much.”

Remy shook his head with a grin. “I don’t know what you see in me, Emile.”

“A brilliant man with a heart of gold who just has a little problem with expressing himself,” Emile said. “Someone who cares for people once he gets to know them, but is also pragmatic in how, exactly, he goes about helping those in need of advice. You make sure that you’re taken care of before you help others, and you keep my bleeding heart in check. You’re my partner in crime, my partner in general, and I couldn’t be happier about that fact.”

Remy was as red as a tomato and he groaned. “Emile,” he complained. “I can’t be blushing when we get to the shelter, it’ll ruin my cool image!”

Emile laughed. “Rem, since when have you ever had a cool image there? You may be the top chef, but all the kids know you’re smitten for me, the adults know that you can help with financials and will at the drop of a hat if they merely ask. They know you’re nice.”

“Nice and cool are not mutually exclusive,” Remy retorted. “The kids have called me cool before, but if I show up with a huge blush over my face, they might see through the ruse!”

“And what would they see if they saw through it?” Emile asked.

“A gay disaster,” Remy deadpanned.

Emile burst out laughing. Remy always knew exactly what to say.

[dutten-does-the-fanfic]

I Want You Here With Me (Is It Too Much to Ask for Something Great) Epilogue

Title:  I Want You Here With Me (Is It Too Much to Ask for Something Great) ch. 14 of 14 (ch. 1)     Pairing: Isak Valtersen/Even Bech Næsheim     Word count: 3427 Warnings: Language

AO3

Summary:  The one where it’s been two years since Isak last saw or spoke with Even, and no one knows that Isak ever knew Even at all

Epilogue

“And we’re here on the red-carpet tonight, live for the premiere of Even Bech Næsheim’s new movie, ‘Yellow Curtains: All the Different Universes’. And here is the man himself!”

The interviewer is wearing a sparkly dress and is waving for Even to come closer, even as he’d already been instructed that this was the woman he was supposed to talk to.

“Good evening,” he grins into the horribly big microphone she’s struggling to hold up.

It’s loud – a lot of people having shown up for the grand return of Even Bech Næsheim, and Even has to lean close to the microphone and the lady.

“It’s so exciting to have you back and to be here tonight! A lot of people have been looking forward to this moment.”

Even nods. “Yeah, I’ve been waiting for this moment too, so I get it. It’s really awesome. I never get used to this feeling.”

“Now, fans have been speculating about the plot of this movie ever since the title dropped. Can you tell us what to expect?”

“I saw that! They were talking about how it could be about time travelling.”

She looks at him expectantly.

“It isn’t, but, hey, that’s another movie idea, right?”

“How about something else, then?”

“Um,” Even hesitates, scratching at his neck. “I don’t know? I mean, I want for people to watch the movie with an open mind so that they can be swept away by the story as much as possible and allow them their own interpretations and why a story like that is important to them.”

“So it’s an emotional movie?”

Even laughs. “I don’t know about that. I’ll probably cry, but that’s because it’s a story very dear to me, close to my heart, you know. I don’t want to make anyone cry.”

She grins. “I’m not so sure about that. Your track record says differently, Mr. Næsheim.”

Even laughs. “That’s true. But I think if this movie does make anyone cry, hopefully it’ll be a different kind of crying than that.”

“So it’s actually a happy film?” she attempts, but Even doesn’t bite.

“Can’t tell you that,” he winks, laughing when she rolls her eyes at him good-naturedly.

“Well, there’s certainly been a lot of hype about this movie. It’s one of the only movies this year with a trailer that revealed absolutely nothing about the plot, did you know that?”

“I did!” Even grins. “I’ve been made aware of it, repeatedly, by a lot of people online.”

“I can’t imagine it went over well.”

“Well, at least they’re looking forward to finally finding out what it’s about.”

“I think a lot of people are excited – look at everyone here! It’s quiet a grand return you’ve made!”

“It’s a little overwhelming, isn’t it?” Even grins shyly. “But a lot of them were involved in the making of the movie.”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” she chides, which is true enough, because a lot of people had shown an interest in Even’s movies before his ‘break’.

She doesn’t ask about that, though, either by human decency or because someone briefed her, but they both know that some of the hype is due to a lot of old gossip resurfacing.

“But it is a very long cast-list. And it’s such a diverse cast as well,” she prompts, giving the microphone back to him.

“It is,” Even agrees. “I don’t want to spoil the movie too much, but there was a big need for so many people to be involved. And they all did so wonderfully, I’m so proud of them.”

“A lot of them are meeting for the first time tonight,” she points out. “How is that possible?”

“Different filming schedules?” Even laughs. “I don’t know. Well, I do know, but I can’t say.”

“You’re really not giving anything away tonight,” she laughs.

“You, on the other hand, are grilling me relentlessly.”

“It’s my job!” she protests lightly. “You said earlier that it’s a story that’s close to your heart, what did you mean by that?”

“Oh, uh –“ Even lets out a breathy laugh, his voice going a little thick. “Well, first of all, it’s a way for me to support and celebrate the equality act. And, uh, the story in itself – it’s actually about something my husband said to me when we were young. It ended up being a real comfort to me the years we were apart.”

Her stance goes a little softer at that. “So this is really a story to him?”

Even laughs. “All of my films have been to Isak, this will just be the first one where no one will be able to doubt it.”

She tilts her head. “Oh? Oh – speak of the devil, look who’s joining us!”

“Baby!” Even laughs, voice barely audible as he turns around to catch Isak around his middle as he walks past. “Halla.”

Isak grins up at him shortly before he turns his attention towards the woman. “Hello.”

“Hi,” she smiles back at him. “We were just talking about you.”

“Oh?”

“Good things only,” Even promises, but the look Isak gives him reveals he isn’t completely buying it.

“Sentimental things,” the interviewer corrects. “Your husband has been very stingy with the details of this film.”

“Right?” Isak exaggerates. “I haven’t gotten a single word about it out of him yet.”

She scrounges up her nose. “Are you telling me you don’t know what tonight entails, either?”

Isak shakes his head. “He’s refused to tell me. He’s just been bouncing around the house, seconds away from telling me because he’s so excited, and then he’ll snap his mouth shut and walk away so he doesn’t give in to the temptation. He won’t even give me a hint.”

“You’ll know if I give you a hint, though!” Even protests, but Isak’s focus doesn’t waver from the woman except to roll his eyes. “Besides, I promise you’ll like it.”

“Shut up,” Isak demands, not able to hide away the utterly smitten look on his face even as he manages to pull off a faux-serious expression. “I’ll love it,” he corrects him, much to Even’s amusement.

“I love you,” Even tells him. The golden band on his finger catches the light when he runs his fingers through Isak’s hair gently.

Isak doesn’t manage to hide his smile this time around.

OOOOO

[On a black background, two quotes are typed out:

“According to ‘M’ theory, ours is not the only universe. Instead, ‘M’ theory predicts that a great many universes were created out of nothing.” – Stephen Hawking

“As scientists, we track down all promising leads, and there’s reason to suspect that our universe may be one of many – a single bubble in a huge bubble bath of other universes.” – Brian Greene]

[The opening shot is a blue sky, just a hint of pink and yellow from the start of a sunset. In the background the ocean quietly lapping against the shore is just audible.]

“It’s a funny thing, isn’t it?”

“What is?”

“The universe. Like, how big it is.”

“You mean the universe that’s infinite for an infinite amount of times?”

“Shut up,” he laughs. “I mean that it holds so many possibilities within itself, you know?”

“How so?”

“Like – for every possible action, there’s a universe out there where the opposite happened. Or one where just something different happened. Or one where it never got far enough to get to that point.”

“Parallel universes.”

“Exactly!”

“Why are you thinking about that?”

“Don’t you ever think about that?”

“Not really.”

“Oh.”

“What were you thinking about it for?”

“I was… I was thinking about the people I’m the closest to. I was thinking about you and me.”

[A handheld camera showing off an apartment; the bed is unmade, blue-striped bed sheets tousled and with indents in the pillows from two people having just left the bed. The curtains are a dark blue that manage to hold the sunlight out, but in another room the morning sun is coloring the kitchen in a warm, golden light, accentuating the mess of half-finished coffee cups, cereal bowls in the sink, and a blue hoodie slung over the back of a chair.]

“What have we got to do with parallel universes?”

“Just – how big everything is. Like, everything that can happen is going to happen. Not only going to, it is happening. And I just – I’d like to think that there are universes out there where everything could be different, but we’d still be the same, you know? Where I still feel the same as I do right now, here, with you.”

[The same apartment, but this time tiny details are different, changing the over-all appearance. The curtains in the bedroom are yellow, meaning the entire room is lit up. There are two glasses of orange juice instead of coffee. The hoodie is grey. The image flickers, the hoodie changes into a t-shirt with a printed picture of Jesus on the crucifix just visible. There are scrambled eggs instead of cereal. The kitchen chair is pushed neatly against the table. The curtains are black so the sunlight hasn’t disturbed their sleep, you can just make out two people still in bed.]

“So there’s a universe where we meet when we’re still in high school?”

[A boy is sitting in a school’s cafeteria with his friends, picking apart his lunch. When he looks up, he sees a boy sitting at the opposite end of the room. Their eyes meet. The boy hurries to look away, but the other boy keeps looking.

In a different place, two people bump into each other in the most cliché high school-setting possible; in front of the lockers. They both drop their books on the floor, and when they look up, their eyes meet and time seemingly stops. The next couple of shots are the same two people walking together, first in school, then clearly on their way home, then in the dark, walking away from a party. There are awkward, fumbled first kisses and shy looks and feeling like you’re flying higher than a bird and then crashing down with a hundred miles an hour until the two manage to find their way back to each other again.]

“Exactly! Or one where we’re at university.”

[A boy with thick-rimmed glasses is sitting on one of the rows, notebooks laid out fastidiously, one of them already opened so he can take notes. Then another boy crashes into the room, obviously seconds away from being late, a little out of breath. He throws himself onto the closest seat that isn’t occupied, the one next to the boy.

“I’m not late, am I?”

“Close. How can you be late, already? It’s the first day.”

The guy grins widely, leans in like he’s about to tell the boy a secret. “I guess you’ll have to get to know me to find out.”]

“Or one where we meet when we’re kids?”

[There’s a child, sitting on the curb of the playground, crying over a cut on their knee. It’s not bad, but it must look scary to a three-year-old, especially one who isn’t being comforted. At least not until another child walks past, sees the kid, stops and starts talking until the sniffling stops. The next couple of clips are artistically shot, with the sun creating lens flares and discoloring the pictures, giving off the warm, nostalgic feeling people get when thinking back on happy moments.]

“I like that one. That there’s a life where I don’t know what it’s like to be without you. That’s a nice thought.”

“Do I take good care of you in that one, do you think?”

“You take care of me in every universe, doofus.”

“In every single one?”

[All the different universes with the first meetings between two people.]

“Well – I suppose there must be a universe where we never meet.”

[Cross-shot of two pictures depicting very different locations, the first one set in a rural area, the other in the city. It switches to new contrasting locations, flying faster than the eye can make out anything other than how unalike they are to each other.]

“That’s the saddest one.”

“Nah.”

“You don’t think so?” the disbelief evident in his voice.

“No. The saddest one is the one where we do meet. We just don’t notice when it happens.”

[Following a group of people, all shot waist down. They’re walking down the street clearly messing around, when they pass by another group of people. Two hands slide by each other, an inch of space left between them. They keep walking, not even turning around.]

“That’s the saddest one,” he continues. “The one where we don’t even get the chance to become a ‘could’ve been’ because the universe decided to label us as an ‘almost’ instead.”

[Lots of ‘almost’s exists. Turning the corner at just the wrong time. Looking right first instead of left when crossing the street. Suddenly deciding to not try the new coffee shop anyway, not when the old one is closer and familiar.]

“Do you think… do you think there’s a universe where I don’t hurt you?”

[Screaming fights. Being forgetful about the other person and leaving them behind. A boy watching another boy kissing a girl as they slow dance at prom. A devastated look on a boy’s face as he’s told everything between them had been fake.]

“I mean… theoretically, yes. But it also means there’s a universe where I don’t hurt you. One where we don’t hurt each other.”

[Silently hurting. Introducing your childhood best friend to your new boyfriend. Leaving with no explanation.]

“But I do know one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“That there isn’t a universe out there –“

[Playful kisses. timid handholding. two boys smoking weed as they sit on a windowsill. Quiet moments in bed.]

“– where this –“

[Tickle fights. Screaming their hearts and lungs out at concerts. Desperate kisses like the world is about to end.]

“– where we –“

[Smitten looks that reveal how the other person is their entire world. Faces being lit up when they see each other. Their head resting on the other person’s shoulder as they fall asleep on the bus. Kissing underwater in a swimming pool.]

“– aren’t worth it.”

[Black screen. Even’s voice sounds in Norwegian whilst the white text is in English]

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you any of those universes. I’m sorry that we were ready for the universe before the universe was ready for us.”

[Nights at the bar with a row of empty shot glasses, another being poured already. Two different locations in the world, so far apart from each other. Stuffy meeting rooms. Lawyers handing over divorce papers only to receive absolutely devastated looks in response.]

“I’m not sorry that I met you.”

[The picture Even took of the flowers for Isak shows up, followed by a shot of the street where Even had kissed Isak for the first time. It’s taken during the night, the streetlamps giving off a warm, yellow light. Isak and Even have been animated in, the cartoonish-outline contrasting the background and drawing the eye towards them.]

“I’m not sorry that I fell in love with you.”

[A clip plays of Isak; young-looking and floofy haired, looking down, but his face is split into the widest smile possible and he looks happy as he shyly glances up at Even behind the camera.]

“I’m not sorry that I married you. That I got to love you.”

[Isak’s leaned back against Even who in turn is leaning up against the railing at the cabin, the sunset is coloring the both of them golden. Isak turns around so he can hug Even tightly.]

“I’m not sorry that we didn’t give up fighting when it would’ve been so much easier to let each other go.”

[A handheld camera filming a computer screen, showing the original article that first posted the rumor about a marriage certificate, and then later posting the certificate itself. An overhead shot of Isak and Even lying in bed, Even sleeping and Isak keeping an eye on him. Voiceover in Norwegian:

“Are you going to ask for a divorce after this? A real one this time?”

“No. I’m not going to do that. I don’t want to do that.”]

“I’m not sorry that I get to call you ‘home’.”

[It switches between pictures of a bed with blue-striped bed sheets, science textbooks with a camera balanced on top, clothes strewn messily across the floor, messy bed hair, and sparkling eyes when given a cup of tea. The sound of a door opening and closing is added in, Isak calling out in a voiceover as shoes tumbling onto the floor and a coat being removed scratches the audio, “Baby, er du hjemme?”]

“I’m not sorry that I get to love you.”

[Even bounds onto the bed, startling Isak who is lying on his stomach, sorting through his notes for class.

“Hva faen –“ Isak starts, but doesn’t get further before the hand Even isn’t using to hold the camera is on his side, digging in until Isak’s squirmed onto his back and Even can straddle him to keep him in place. “Why are you filming me?”

“I just need to film your reaction when I tell you something,” Even tells him, chortling at the suspicious look that immediately falls on Isak’s face.

“What.”

Even’s hand appears in frame again, cupping Isak’s cheek. “Jeg elsker deg.”

“Oh my god!” Isak laughs, batting Even’s hand away so he can hide his face behind his hands. It does little to nothing to cover up how brightly he’s smiling. “You absolute sap, you.”

He gives up on hiding away, instead pushing his hips up so Even tumbles onto his side on the bed. Isak leaning in to kiss him is just visible in the corner of the frame. “Turn the camera off, Ev.”

Even hums, the sound of lips smacking audible as the camera keeps rolling. He pulls back so he can film Isak again.

Isak, who isn’t even paying attention to the camera anymore, is instead clearly only seeing Even, looking impossibly soft as he does so. One hand moves up to smooth his thumb across Even’s jaw line.

“Jeg elsker deg også.”]

“I don’t care about the other universes. About whether or not the Even gets the Isak. I don’t care if there’s an Even who didn’t leave”

[The old apartment shot from inside the entrance to the building. A taxi is visible, the car door being shut audible before it drives off.]

“I care about you, about this Isak that I get to come home to, that I get to share my life with, that I get to love. This Isak, who loves me back, who wants to come home to me, who wants to share his life with me.”

[The scene shows one of the Movie Night-nights, the entire gang already set up in the living room, a spot left for Even on the couch next to Isak on the side that Eskild isn’t already occupying.

Isak is the one who sees him first, groaning exaggeratedly when he notices the camera. “Why?” he drags out.

Magnus looks around frantically to see what Isak is talking about. When his eyes land on Even they go unnaturally wide as he gasps. “Am I seriously being filmed by Even Bech Næsheim right now?”

“Shut up,” Isak moans, sinking deeper into the couch, but he’s laughing silently.

“It’s such an honor,” Magnus continues, reaching a hand out for Even to shake. “Seriously, man, I’m, like, your biggest fan.”

“Is this planned?” Mahdi asks.

“I’m leaving all of you,” Isak says when Even starts to enthusiastically shake Magnus’ hand, finally laughing out loud when Jonas hits him with one of the decorative pillows Eva had picked out.]

“I don’t care if the universe is ready or not for us anymore. If it is, that’s great. But if it isn’t –“

[Isak tilting his chin up stubbornly for Even to lean down and kiss him. Even smiling and talking excitedly as he tells Isak about an idea for a script, frowning when he notices Isak holding the camera before his face breaks out in the biggest smile possible and he pulls Isak into his arms. Lying in bed, Isak asleep on top of Even’s chest, Even leaning in to kiss his temple carefully as to not wake him up.]

“– then I’ll make it.”

[Three words appear against the black background, bold and a contrasting yellow.]

ALT ER LOVE

[kahans]

i was tagged by @fillippas​ and @radiantsusan​ to list the top 10 books i read in 2020. thank u both so much! <3

so i’ve only read 18 going on 19 books this year (pathetic i know) but it’s still better than last year so we’re going to say this is a good year of literature for me. to narrow things down even further i’m also going to exclude rereads. anyway, in no particular order, here are my favorite books read in 2020! under the cut because i don’t hate my followers lmao

jade city by fonda lee - imagine six of crows but everyone is allowed to swear and it’s set in a fantasy version of eastern asia in the mid-20th century. yeah, it’s that awesome. 11/10 recommend, though it is an adult fantasy novel, the first of three, and contains two (you could argue but that’s my count) explicit sex scenes, some violence, and strong language

emma by jane austen - i don’t have much to say about this book except that i was not expecting it to be so funny? like honestly the whole book was hilarious from the actual plot to austen’s choice of prose.

supernova by marissa meyer - this book is the third of the renegades series, and it has everything you could want from a young adult novel about superheroes: complex morality, exploration of social issues, found family—and most importantly, enemies to lovers—all set in a fictional city analogous to gotham city. if you were a fan of the lunar chronicles, you’ll probably like the renegades series

queen of nothing by holly black - if you like enemies to lovers and faeries, you’ll probably like this conclusion to the folk of the air trilogy. the way the author presented the enemies to lovers trope was healthy and well-written, in my opinion, and the world of the faery, extant parallel to our own, is so aesthetically pleasing and beautifully described. the main character’s fears and motivations are well supported by the plot and her own circumstances. also there was a little kid who didn’t constantly annoy me for once, so that’s also a nice bonus.

the song of achilles by madeline miller - honestly in fifty years i wouldn’t be surprised if this book was considered one of the classics. everything from the characters to the prose to the romance was beautifully done. as an amateur writer, i especially admired miller’s use of language. obviously she had source material to build upon but her choice of words fit so well with the setting and type of novel she wrote. now there are several raw ass quotes from this book that live in my mind rent fee

the secret history by donna tartt - when i first started this book all i could think was, what the heck is this book about? the writing was pretty, if not a little verbose, and the characters intriguing, but the plot dragged so much it took me forever to finish the book. by my estimation, things really started to get going about a third of the way through, and by then i was hooked and really began to enjoy things. like the entry just prior to this one, several of the quotes live in my brain rent free. some of the scenes do also, though mostly because they were delightfully absurd

the foxhole court by nora sakavic - okay, okay, make fun of me for jumping on the bandwagon all you want, but i had to see what all of the hype was about. i haven’t read all three, so i’m just passing a judgment on this book alone: i do not understand why people adore this book so much (please don’t kill me it’s just an opinion). maybe it gets better in the second and third novels, but there were some pretty...yikes things going on i wasn’t too comfy with. but i do like the characters and their dynamic

ballad of songbirds and snakes by suzanne collins - if this had been anything but a hunger games book i probably wouldn’t have put it on this list. that makes it sound really bad, but my expectations were high and this book was...so... slow. and dry. it was interesting to read how some of the aspects of the hunger games came to be, and of course i loved lucy gray baird, but she was probably the only highlight in a cast of otherwise bland characters. i feel like collins wrote this book as current sociopolitical commentary to give it a deeper meaning beyond a cash grab profiting off of her reader’s love of the first series.

frankenstein by mary shelley - i think part of what makes this book so good is knowing the details surrounding its creation and publication. i mean, have you ever written a book so unique and good it revolutionized a whole genre of literature? yeah, me neither. i’m one of the few who read kiersten white’s the dark descent of elizabeth frankenstein before the novel on which it was based so i might give that a reread as well because [saoirse ronan voice] women.

we rule the night by claire elizabeth bartlett - so I’m going to be honest: this book was not as good as I expected. The worldbuilding was lackluster and the magic system, while interesting, was not fleshed out enough to fully make the quasi-russian setting really come alive. however, one of the main characters was a disabled girl, and while I can’t speak for disabled people as I am not one myself, i enjoyed the way her disability was integrated into the magic system and how it was portrayed by the author.

Tagging: @opticarrow, @coachday, @cressisaqueen, @venkasring, and anyone else who wants to do this tag! (The whole mini review proceeding each book is not necessary to complete the tag, I’m just extra)