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quokkacore · 4 years ago

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with great power I [lee jeno]

summary: there are two things jeno loves most about his life. one being spiderman, the other being you, his best friend. there’s just one issue: after your father’s death, you decide you hate both spiderman and yourself.

pairing: lee jeno x reader

genre: superhero au, high school au, coming of age, best friends to strangers(ish) to lovers, fluff, ANGST, minor crack

warnings (for this chapter): language, violence, gun violence, the mafia, parental death, police presence, sexual references, bullying (ily san im sorry), the dreamies being dicks to each other, police corruption, towards the end jeno experiences something similar to sensory overload, americanized names, pop culture references, VERY jeno centric

song rec: we go up - nct dream // any song - zico // 21 questions - waterparks // talk (remix feat. megan thee stallion & yo gotti) - khalid // sunrise - ateez // i really like you - carly rae jepsen // dare - gorillaz // stray kids - the tortoise and the hare

word count: 10.5k

a/n: this is so late...... i blame attack on titan. but hey!! better late than never :] a huge thanks to @doderyscoffee for beta reading <3

main masterlist // story masterlist

chapter one: jeno and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week

Jeno despised Tuesdays. He was pretty sure that Tuesdays despised Jeno as well because all of his worst days just so happen to be Tuesdays. He was 96% sure that, if there was a god, his day off was on Tuesdays, or that the planets aligned in such a manner on Tuesdays that it caused universal despair and misery. If he was to take Donghyuck's word for it, his chakra attracted negative energy the most on Tuesdays.

When Jeno was 5, his goldfish Pippin had died on a Tuesday. When he had his ass handed to him on the playground by San Choi in the third grade, it was a Tuesday. And in the seventh grade, he'd failed his Spanish test, missed his bus and walked home in the rain only to find out that his Aunt Sunny was at work, he'd left his keys in his locker and that had to wait an hour before she got home to unlock it for him, all on a Tuesday.

And wouldn't you know it, here he was, late for the first day of senior year, which was, of all days, a godforsaken Tuesday.

In his eternal wisdom, he'd stayed up gaming with Renjun until two in the morning, and because of it, slept through his three alarms, one set at six-thirty, the other at 6:45, the last one at 7:00.

He'd woken up at 7:17, to the sound of his elderly neighbor's pet chihuahua barking at a pigeon, checked the time, immediately panicked, sped into the shower, gotten dressed in a haste, grabbed a few granola bars from the pantry, and ran out the door while trying to jam his backpack closed, and managed to catch the train at 7:40, which took about twenty minutes to get to his stop, plus a ten-minute walk to school, and class started at 8:10. Not to mention he’d have to stop by the office and pick up his schedule. At best, he’d be five minutes late to his first class. But tardies were tardies, regardless, and the last thing he needed was to lose his perfect attendance streak.

He fished out his phone while standing on the train, waiting for his stop, scrolling through Instagram, and liking random pictures. A ping! from his phone caught his attention, then two, then a third. He smiled softly when your name popped up on his screen.

[7:48 AM]

y/n: pssst

y/n: shithead

y/n: where r u ????

[7:49 AM]

y/n: i can sEE u online on ig u know

jeno: …… i'm on the train

jeno: woke up late

y/n: YOURE GONNA BE LATR

y/n: LATE*

y/n: ON THE FIRST DAY OF SENIOR YEAR

[7:50]

jeno: probably, yeah

jeno: it's the school district's fault, why would they make the first day of school on a fkn TUESDAY

y/n: ohhh yeahh its terrible tuesday

y/n: [sent an attachment!]

[7:51 AM]

jeno: SHUT UP

jeno: you're not funny >:(

jeno: how dare you laugh at my misfortune

y/n: au contraire im hilarious

jeno: meanie :(

jeno: im gonna be late i hate it here

jeno: it'll end up on my permanent record and i'm not gonna get into college and then i'm gonna die,,,

[7:52 AM]

y/n: sometimes ur worse than hyuck i swear

y/n: FIRST OF ALL permanent records dont even exist !!!!!! its propaganda duh

y/n: also ur literally never late

y/n: im sure o n e tardy wont do anything chill

y/n: dont be stupid youll be fine

Don’t be stupid. Too little, too late, he thought, already having got off the train at a previous stop. Now, he was looking for an unoccupied street or alleyway, which, for once, was easy, taking a deep breath before he did the exact opposite of what you’d told him not to do. Don’t be stupid.

The buildings are low, he thought to himself, it’ll be easier to see me.

Don’t be stupid.

Too late!

Thwip!

Jeno didn’t hesitate to use the web fluid to pull himself up onto the wall, climbing in a haste, before running and jumping onto the next building. He quickly built up a quick pace, using the web fluid occasionally to swing onto a building slightly out of jumping range.

Signs in English, Chinese, Korean, and Spanish flew past him as he seemingly flew over the Queens traffic, leaving Flushing behind and crossing quickly into College Point quicker than he would if he took the train. He glanced to his left and caught a view of the bay, and far across it, the LaGuardia airport watchtower.

Jeno had lived in New York City his entire life. He knew Queens like the back of his hand, knew every dingy alleyway, every sketchy street, which restaurants to avoid if you didn’t want to get food poisoning, which convenience store aunties were the nicest and didn’t pinch his cheeks too hard. It was his home, and most likely would be for the rest of his life.

But seeing it like this, flying past him below as he glided with ease from building to building would never cease to be a sight to him. It was like watching from the perspective of an outsider, seeing people in their cars, walking along the street gave him a brand new perspective. A Jeno’s eye view, he called it, since he was pretty sure he was the only one in New York City.

Another noise from his phone brought him back to reality. He shook his head, stopping briefly to catch his breath and fish out his phone briefly.

[7:57 AM]

y/n: let me know when u get here !!!

No time to respond, he put away the phone and continued his trek to school. He had less than ten minutes to get there. But he knew he was already at least five minutes away, much quicker than he would be if he had decided to stick to the train. He smiled a bit to himself, feeling ever so slightly smug.

The hustle and bustle of the city definitely proved challenging to find a place to land without many eyes, but he figured it out eventually, landing behind a dumpster in an alleyway behind a restaurant that he knew was about three or four blocks from the school. He figured it would be a lot better to take it on foot from here. The notebooks he was carrying in his backpack bounced up and down with every step he took.

After what seemed like forever, the gates to the school appeared in his view, and Jeno felt a joy in his heaving chest, something he would have never thought would happen upon seeing the absolute hellhole that was Samuel Morse High School.

[8:06 AM]

jeno: just did >:D

Picking up his schedule was both quick and insanely long. He couldn’t stop himself from tapping his left foot while the secretary found his schedule and handed it to him. “Kibum, please hurry,” He muttered, and Kibum raised an eyebrow at him, but his gaze was teasing. “That’s Mr. Kim to you, in school at least.”

He handed Jeno his schedule a few seconds later. “Tell your Aunt to come pick up her casserole dish, by the way. She left it at my house after my last viewing party.”

“The Bachelor?”

“Please. We’re too classy for that. Drag Race.”

“Ah. I see.”

“Jeno,” Kibum said, staring up at him from his desk, his gaze now much more serious, “Get to class. Happy first day of senior year.”

“Thanks, Mr. Kim.”

He managed to make it to chemistry class at 8:09 with seconds to spare. His eyes quickly scanned the room upon entering, hoping his friends were in the class with him. He caught a few familiar faces, most of which, like San Choi's, he wished to avoid. No one paid him any mind. Everyone was still speaking to the people next to them, no doubt exchanging stories of summer vacation.

A hand shot up towards the back, waving at him. A smile stretched across his face as he registered your face, feet not hesitating to carry him towards the empty seat next to you. His heart skipped a beat at seeing your smile, and he tried his best to ignore it.

“Hey,” You greeted, “That was fast. I thought you said you were gonna be late.”

Jeno shrugged, eyes landing on the dark shade of the lab table. “The train was a lot faster than I expected, apparently.”

You wrinkled your nose. “Why do you smell so bad?”

“I, uh… ran a little.”

You grimaced, and Jeno tried to casually sniff at his slightly sweaty clothes. It’s not that bad. “I still don’t understand why you won’t let me drive you to school. You’re literally next door.”

“I don’t know,” He answered, rolling his eyes, “Maybe it’s because when it comes to that truck, you are absolutely insane. You won’t even let me drink water in that thing.”

The truck in question, a faded red 1998 Chevrolet S-10, had been your gift to yourself for your 17th birthday. You’d spent two summers saving up to buy yourself a truck, and that was what you were able to get for what you had. To say it was a huge piece of junk on wheels was an understatement.

The thing smelled like mothballs no matter how many air fresheners you bought it, the engine sounded like an old man having a coughing fit, and there was a very suspicious stain in the backseat that wouldn’t go away no matter how many times you scrubbed it. But for some reason, you treated it like it was your own baby. The amount of times you’d yelled at Jaemin for trying to put his feet on the dashboard was too high to count.

You mirrored his movement, eyes rolling as you sighed. “At least let me drive you home after school today. Maybe you can stay and we can finally watch Blade Runner.”

You’d been trying to get him to watch the film for almost a month now, begging and pleading because you insisted that he’d love it. He offered an awkward stare, before opening his backpack and pulling out a notebook. “Can’t,” He mumbled, “I’m headed into Manhattan. I have my internship afterwards.”

“Oh, yeah,” You said nonchalantly, eyebrows shooting up as you remembered, “Park Industries.”

He was about to reply when Mrs. Baker, the chemistry teacher, finally entered. She’d been working at SMHS for 30 years and had never, apparently, been nice, if his Aunt Sunny’s stories were anything to go by. However, she had apparently always spoken as if she smoked two packs a day. She was rambling about the importance of making the most of senior year academically, adult responsibilities, college, and whatnot. You and Jeno exchanged glances often throughout the monologue, hoping it would end soon.

“Enough of that,” She said after what seemed like an eternity, “Everyone quiet down, I’m going to call roll.”

Names were quickly called, and Jeno was ready to pull out a pencil and start working with you until Mrs Baker demanded a switch in seats, beginning to call on random names in an effort to deter everyone from speaking.

"Please not with Choi, please not with Choi," Jeno muttered under his breath, glancing warily at San, who was staring ahead, looking bored.

San had had it out for Jeno ever since day one, in first grade. For some reason, everything Jeno did seemed to annoy the other boy. He wasn't funny enough, or too nerdy, or too quiet. Jeno was always too much or too little for him.

You touched his forearm, and he looked towards you.

“You’ll be fine,” You said softly, trying not to alert the teacher, “You’re not gonna get paired up with him, and you can take it to the office if you need to.” “Yeah, because I’m sure Coach Peralta would be thrilled if someone tried to get his precious midfielder in trouble.”

“Choi, San,” Mrs Baker’s voice rang throughout the room, and Jeno braced himself for the worst, eyebrows furrowing with worry.

“You’ll be sitting with… L/N, Y/N.”

Jeno’s shoulders slumped, but your face remained impassive. You picked up your stuff, and pouted silently at Jeno in apology, before making your way to the front.

“Lee, Jeno,” Mrs Baker called a few minutes later, “You’ll be sitting with Jang, Yeeun.”

He breathed out a sigh of relief. Yeeun is nice, Jeno thought to himself, I could sit with Yeeun. She wasn’t part of his main friend group, but he had tutored her in math during sophomore year in exchange for her helping him with Spanish, and they’d been pretty friendly ever since.

“Hey,” Yeeun greeted as Jeno sat down, and Jeno smiled at her.

“Remember, these will be your assigned lab partners for the rest of the semester. No changes, no exceptions.” Mrs. Baker sat down at her desk, before beginning to talk about something Jeno didn’t really pay attention to.

You exchanged glances with Jeno, and he gave you a look of sympathy as you gestured at San with your eyes. San was talking to you about something—probably bragging about some soccer achievement—but you weren’t paying him much attention. Jeno swallowed something growing in his throat as he looked at how your hair looked today.

It was nothing relatively new, the same hairstyle you used on most days. But still, there was a bit of a shine to it. He wondered vaguely if you had changed your shampoo, the other day you’d been complaining about how itchy your normal shampoo made your scalp—

“You still haven’t told her about how you feel?” Yeeun asked quietly, and Jeno’s head snapped back to look at her, eyes wide.

“W-what? Me. Like Y/N…” He laughed nervously, trying to keep his voice down. He scratched the back of his head, avoiding Yeeun’s accusatory stare. “You’re hilarious, Yeeun. Tell another one.”

Yeeun shook her head. “You’d better hurry before someone else snatches her up, Jen. She’s not gonna wait around for you forever.”

“I don’t like her, Yeeun.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

“Hey! Jeno Lee!”

“Hey! Jaemin Na! What do you want!” Jeno answered as he sat down, mimicking Jaemin’s tone next to him.

“Well, for starters, a million dollars, and second, a date with Yiren Wang, but I doubt you can help me with either of those, so...”

Jeno glanced at the rest of the table. Along with Jaemin, Mark, Renjun, Donghyuck, and you were watching the interaction between the pair. “Where are the munchkins?” Jeno asked, noticing Chenle and Jisung’s absence. No one could really call them munchkins anymore. That nickname dated back to middle school, before the two underclassmen had gone through growth spurts.

“Eh, they should be here soon,” Renjun said, chewing on a french fry, “How’s your day been?”

“Pretty good so far, I guess. I got AP Calc with Mr. Washington later, though. That man wants me dead.”

You rolled your eyes. “He doesn’t want you dead. I’m telling you, you and Hyuck have been spending way too much time together. You’re being more dramatic than usual and Hyuck’s being more… weird than usual.”

“And just what is so weird about being enthusiastic about senior year, Y/N?” Donghyuck asked, shaking his head, “It’s our last year in this hellhole, I’m excited that we’re finally getting out of here. And besides—”

“Please don’t bring up the fact that you’re abandoning us next year.” Chenle seemingly appeared out of nowhere, sitting next to Renjun, Jisung following quickly behind him.

“Hi, Sungie,” You said with a smile, and Jisung smiled back. “Hi, Y/N.”

“What were you saying, Hyuck?” Jaemin looked at Donghyuck, who had taken the quick interaction as an opportunity to take a bite of his sandwich. His wide eyes darted to the slim boy, cheeks stuffed with chicken.

“Oh,” He replied after swallowing, “This is gonna be my year. I’m getting male lead for the winter musical and no one is gonna stop me.”

“Do you even know what musical you guys are doing yet?” Mark asked, “What if it’s like… Shrek?”

Jisung made a face. “There’s a Shrek musical?”

Mark nodded, and Renjun laughed.

“I don’t know about male lead, if it’s Shrek. You should try out for Donkey,” The Chinese boy joked, “With those front teeth, you’re a shoo-in.”

The entire table was silent for a moment, before snorts and chortles started pouring out from everyone except Donghyuck.

“Fuck you, Huang.”

Renjun flashed the friendliest smile he could muster. “Not if you paid me a million dollars.”

The subject remained on extracurriculars, everyone in your group except for Chenle and Jisung now wary of college applications. Donghyuck had been in theater ever since middle school, Renjun was in the robotics club and the debate team with Jaemin, who was also in the student council. Mark was on the math team with Jeno, and you had founded the film club.

"You're not gonna believe who asked to sign up for film," You huffed, looking kind of confused. The rest of the table looked at you expectantly, and you pursed your lips, almost as if you were trying not to laugh.

"San Choi."

Renjun scoffed. Jaemin raised his eyebrows before letting out a single, humorless laugh. Jeno made a face, poking his plastic fork at you.

"What is San Choi doing asking to sign up for film?"

"Fuck if I know. He said he needed one more extracurricular if he wanted to get into some college in Florida and he liked going to the movies, so he wanted to try out film."

Mark rolled his eyes. "I swear there's nothing in that guy's head but hot gas. It blows my mind."

"He's a dick," Chenle grumbled, "I'm still not over how he and Wooyoung taped Jisung to the flagpole last year."

Jisung scowled. "I thought we agreed to never bring that up again."

“Do you think they’ll finally calm the fuck down this year?” Jaemin wondered, looking wistful.

You took a sip of your coke and shook your head. “Doubt it. They’re not the hateful eight for a reason.”

The mood at the table turned tense, until Jaemin frowned at his french fries, before sighing and clapping his hands together dramatically. “I would like to hear,” He mused, “About the nuance that theatre gives the cinematic masterpiece that is Shrek when converted into musical form.”

Donghyuck beamed. “Oh, it’s amazing. You see…”

If it was difficult to get Donghyuck to stop talking in general, it was impossible when it was about theater.

The conversation continued on until the bell rang, and the eight of you had to go your separate ways. Jaemin and Jeno had the same class, so they both walked together down a relatively calm hallway. Jaemin looked both ways, before finally lowering his voice.

“So, you’re going to see Mr. Park today?”

Jeno nodded, looking down at his shoes. “He said he wanted to give me an assignment. Says there’s something big going on.”

Jaemin’s eyes lit up with curiosity. “Did he say what kind of something?”

Jeno shook his head, pouting slightly. “I’ll let you know tomorrow.”

Once school was out, Jeno was getting ready to get onto the subway once again, this time heading towards Midtown. It was only day one and, as Jeno had predicted, Mr. Washington probably was out to get him, because he’d swamped the class with homework.

As he left the school, he spotted you in the parking lot, leaning against your car door, texting someone. He glanced at his phone. He still had plenty of time, he figured. He walked over to you, and when you looked up, you smiled.

“Hey!” Your voice had that signature tone of enthusiasm to it, and Jeno smiled back immediately.

“Hello,” He sing-songed. “So, I was thinking… are you free on Friday night?”

You looked somewhere above his head, furrowing your eyebrows before you perked up again and nodded. “Yep! Why?”

“I’m free after nine. Maybe then I could come over to your house? So I can finally get you to stop harassing me about Blade Runner.”

You grinned, pumping your fists enthusiastically. “Hell yes,” You answered, “Do you want me to get like, some frozen pizzas or something?”

“Pizza sounds good,” He said. “Who are you even waiting for?”

You made a face that made it seem as if you’d just gotten a whiff of rotten milk. “Well—”

Your response was interrupted when the school doors slammed open, and eight figures poured out, carrying themselves with confidence Jeno both envied and despised. He frowned, trying not to react at their loud whooping and laughing. The Hateful Eight.

“Oh.” Jeno averted his gaze, meeting your eyes again.

“Yeah. If you don’t hear from me later it’s because I jumped out of my truck because I don’t wanna work with—”

“Well, hello, gorgeous!” San’s voice filled the parking lot, and Jeno took a deep breath. Your mouth stretched into a tight-lipped smile at the unwanted ‘compliment’.

“Hey, San.” Your friendly passive aggressive tone almost made Jeno smile. “I’ve been waiting here for like, fifteen minutes. You could have just given me your number and asked me to send you pictures of my notes, you know.”

He shrugged, turning his body so that his back was turned to Jeno. “Sorry, babe. Coach wanted to talk to us about the upcoming season. When he gets going, it’s hard to get him to stop. And besides, where’s the fun in just asking for pictures when I could come here, talk to you, and take the pictures myself?”

You didn’t respond, but rather pulled out your backpack and began digging through it. When you pulled out your notebook, you handed it to San, who flashed a wink at you. You barely held back a gag.

“Thanks, Y/N. I’ll just be a minute.”

He walked over to the hood of your truck, and just as you were about to continue your conversation, two figures slung their arms around both of Jeno’s shoulders, causing him to flinch.

Out of the fifteen soccer players on the team, San and his best friends—seven of them, to be precise—were the worst. The others were pretty nice. But right now, seeing two of those seven surround your best friend made you uneasy.

Wooyoung was loud. He was also a temperamental brat. His dad owned three used car dealerships over in Brooklyn, so naturally, he thought he owned the entire world. He wasn’t someone who would get too physical in fights, like San, or Jongho, or Yeosang. But when he was angry, he could easily get you to jump into the stratosphere by yelling at you once. Over the years, he’d made several teaching assistants and substitute teachers cry, only getting let off with a slap on the wrist every time.

Yunho was terrifying for completely different reasons. He was friendly, but a little too friendly to the people he wanted to control. He could read people like books and could easily manipulate whoever he wanted. But he wasn’t afraid of getting physical either, especially not when he was built like a goddamn Power Rangers Megazord.

All in all, they definitely weren't anyone you wanted near you, near your friends. Especially considering how much they had it out for your friends.

"Hey, buddy," Yunho said, looking down at Jeno with a wide smile. "How was summer vacation?"

Jeno gnawed on the side of his cheek as he considered his answer. "Um, it was okay." He looked at you to catch your eyes darting between San, Yunho and Wooyoung, like you were analyzing the situation. "I kinda stayed in and played video games most of the t—"

"Cool, cool," Yunho answered, carding his free hand through his bleach blond hair. "What about you, Woo?"

"Oh, dude, it was so cool," He bragged, "I went to Brazil for like, a month. I went clubbing with Instagram models and shit, it was wild."

You stared at him as he patted Jeno on the back rather aggressively. "Where did you go? Have you ever even left New York?"

You knew the answer. Only a few times when the debate team went to compete in different states. Jeno spoke up again. "Well, yeah a few t—"

"Doubt it," Yunho scoffed. He craned his head back. "San, you done yet?"

"Almost!" San answered. Yunho turned to face you, and for some reason his smile seemed genuinely kind. “What about you, Y/N?”

You never understood why it was that the soccer team hated your entire friend group, but seemed to tolerate you. It made no sense.

So you shrugged. “Not a lot, I guess. Did my summer reading. Hung out with my friends.” You flashed a reassuring smile at Jeno. “Right, Jen?”

Immediately, he relaxed a little bit. “Yeah.”

San appeared from behind Yunho, Jeno and Wooyoung. “Thanks, Y/N. I owe you one.”

You waved your hand, wanting them to get rid of them quickly. “Don’t mention it. But next time, just text me for my notes. I have to get to work, so…”

“Oh! My bad,” He answered with fake remorse, before unlocking his phone and handing it over to you. “Here. For next time.”

You stifled a deep sigh, punching in the numbers hesitantly. “Just for homework, got it?”

San took his phone back, holding a hand over his heart and raised his head. “On a gentleman's honor,” He declared, and you bit back a laugh. Jeno looked like he was going to hurl.

“San!” The team captain—Hongjoong—called from a few feet away, “Are you guys done yet or what?”

“Coming!” San yelled back.

“Alright, we’ll let you go,” Wooyoung said, patting Jeno on the back again, a bit too harsh for comfort. “Bye, Y/N! See you around.”

The three of them stalked off, leaving you and a very frazzled Jeno. “Dicks,” You muttered once they were out of earshot. “You good?”

Jeno shook his head, waving his hand dismissively. “I’ll be fine.”

You tilted your head, frowning. “Jeno—”

“I gotta go,” He said quickly. “I’ll see you later?”

You nodded, offering a lopsided smile. “Yeah. Be careful!”

Jeno offered a deep bow, fluttering his eyelashes. “On a gentleman’s honor,” He sighed, adding a very bad British accent to it. You burst out laughing, eyes squeezing shut.

You didn’t catch the way Jeno’s shoulders relaxed at the sound.

I want you to know now

Baby, it could go down

I don’t wanna talk about it

Baby, let’s just go now

The train ride into Midtown didn’t take too long. He spent it digging through his backpack for his Park Industries lanyard, listening to music and thinking about you.

When you talk right to me

You gon’ have to do me

Every time you think you’re leaving

You running back to me

You’d met Jeno when you were six. Truth be told, he didn’t really remember. For him it was like you weren’t there at one point and by the time you were, you were thicker than thieves. It was a difficult time for him. He had just lost both of his parents, and was moving in with his Aunt Sunny and his Uncle Jinki, who were barely out of college at the time. He’d had to move to a new school and basically restart his entire life. You were the first sense of stability in his life for months.

Your mom lived next to his aunt and uncle. So naturally, you went to the same school and went on the same bus. And somewhere along the way, you two clicked. You’d introduced him to Renjun, Jaemin and Donghyuck. You were there to comfort him whenever he got pushed off the slide by San or Wooyoung.

He was there for you when your stepdad and stepbrother moved in when you were nine and you weren’t sure how to deal with it. He was there when your mom died when you were thirteen. He’d introduced you and your friends to Mark, Chenle and Jisung.

And you were there when his Uncle Jinki got killed when he was fifteen. And because fate had an especially cruel sense of irony, it had happened on a Tuesday. You didn’t know, but at the time, he had just gotten his powers. Your comfort and words unknowingly had a secondary effect: he made the decision to use them for good, and… well. The rest was history.

Can we just talk? Can we just talk?

Talk about where we're goin'

Before we get lost, lend me your thoughts

Can't get what we want without knowin'

Just like when he met you, he didn’t recall an exact moment where he realized he’d fallen in love with you. He knew there was a world where he loved you, but wasn’t in love with you. And he knew that there was a world here he’d fallen in love with you—he was living in that world now. He realized he was living in that world maybe when he was sixteen, and had been stuck in it ever since.

You were it for him. He’d had crushes before. But never something like this, where he was so aware of your presence around him. It wasn’t the way he was hyper aware of someone like San, or like Yunho or Jongho. It wasn’t out of anxiety or fear, where a shift in mood activated his fight or flight. He was aware of you in a way that only people who truly know each other do, where he could pick up on subtle changes in your behavior, but not out of fear. Rather, out of a desire to take care of you and to not have you worry about anything.

I've never felt like this before

I apologize if I'm movin' too far

Can we just talk? Can we just talk?

Figure out where we're goin'...

As the train rolled into the station that was a fifteen minute walk from Park Tower, Jeno put away his headphones and took a deep breath.

The “Jeno Tingle” as his Aunt Sunny called it—Jeno hated the term—had taken him a few years to gain control of. And while he could never truly turn it off, he could at least tune it out enough to be more at ease. The only time he did so was at school or when he was studying, just because he wanted to feel normal, and because being aware of everything going on around him really messed with his concentration.

Jaemin didn’t understand. “If I was able to tell whenever Seonghwa was behind me because he wanted to scare me into doing his chemistry homework, I’d never turn that shit off,” He’d said once. But truthfully, Jeno didn’t really care. Because while yes, he was still slightly scared of the “hateful eight”, he knew damn well that if things got to be too much, he could kick their asses if he wanted to.

It was his friends he worried about. He couldn’t be around them 24/7. You, not so much. He knew you knew how to fight. Even worse, he knew that San had the hots for you so you were off limits to the rest of them, be it bullying or flirting. But for everyone else… Well. He couldn’t hover over them like some guardian angel.

Now that the “Jeno Tingle” was on, it allowed him to sense everyone within a certain range around him. He could zero in on certain sounds with ease, and his reflexes became heightened. Halfway on his walk up Park Avenue, he jumped away from a chihuahua on its leash a second before it started barking at him.

When he entered the first floor lobby of the Park Building, he scoured the crowd of employees and visitors until he landed on one familiar face.

He'd met Doyoung about a year after his dad started dating your mom. Things between your parents were starting to get serious, and Doyoung was four years older than you were. When they moved into your house, Doyoung as your new stepbrother became the de facto chaperone and babysitter. If you wanted to go to the mall with Jeno, he had to take you. Every time you dragged Jeno to the movies, Doyoung had to go also.

To an extent, it wasn't that bad. Doyoung was cool, and he was smart—he was the one who got Jeno interested in computers and chemistry. He graduated high school at 16, and finished his bachelor's degree at 19. He'd also interned at Park Industries, and secured a job there almost immediately after college.

To an extent, he was the whole reason Mr. Park knew who he was, because of one incident. It was relatively soon after he started the whole vigilante thing. Jeno, still figuring out how to maneuver on the webs that shot out of his wrists, had accidentally crashed into your backyard late at night, when only Doyoung was awake. He was standing in the back door while he was waiting for his dog to finish peeing.

Initially, the older boy had freaked out, thinking that it was a burglar or something. When he yelled out that his dad was a cop and was asleep in the house, Jeno panicked, and pulled off his mask, holding up his hands.

“Woah, woahwoahwoah! Doyoung! It’s me, it’s me!”

Doyoung’s eyes had widened to the size of saucers, paying no mind to the dog as it sauntered up to Jeno, before turning onto its back in a request for belly rubs.

"You're the spider guy everyone's been talking about!?"

"Spider man," Jeno had answered, voice cracking as he dusted himself off. He cringed at the sound of his voice. "...and yes."

Of course, his cover was blown, and he'd begged Doyoung not to tell anyone, especially not you. And while Doyoung had promised not to tell you, it didn't stop him from telling his boss.

That had been almost three years ago now. The rest was history, and after that Jeno didn’t have to run around in bright red sweatpants and dollar store swimming goggles. Now, he had a nanotech suit that allowed him to activate protocols of the suit through voice commands using something top-secret Mr. Park called D.R.E.A.M technology. Direct Response Engaged As Machine—yeah, Jeno didn’t get it either.

Doyoung offered Jeno a smile as he escorted Jeno past security, showing them his employee clearance pass. "Hey. How have you been?"

Jeno shrugged, recounting his day in minor detail as he was led into an elevator labeled authorized personnel only.

This elevator only went up to the 35th floor, seeing as everything past that was only cleared for a certain list of people approved by Mr. Park and his security team, and everything past the 90th floor were Mr. Park's private living quarters.

Now, as Doyoung led him to another elevator to head up to the 85th floor, which was always where Jeno got to meet with Mr. Park—which wasn't often, maybe once or twice a year—he wondered where he would be if he hadn’t surprised Doyoung that night. He would probably still be using those ugly red sweatpants as part of his disguise.

"How's Y/N?" Doyoung asked.

"Oh, she seems okay. That guy who hates me keeps coming onto her though. He's a huge douchebag."

Doyoung frowned. "He's not harassing her, is he? Because if he is—"

"He just won't stop flirting, even though she clearly isn't interested," Jeno said bitterly, "He isn't physical or anything. Trust me, it wouldn't end well for him if he was."

Doyoung wasn't quite sure how to respond to the younger boy's dark tone. He looked down, clearing his throat awkwardly.

“So… how’s the apartment?” Jeno asked. Doyoung perked up instantly.

“Oh, now that Taeyong’s moved in and did his interior design thing, it looks great. He’s really done a great job at it.”

“When am I gonna meet this guy? He sounds cool.”

“He’s really cool,” Doyoung hummed, cheeks heating up. “Things are getting really serious.”

Jeno smiled at how flustered Doyoung, who was normally so level headed and calm, became at the mention of his boyfriend.

“You guys sound like a really good couple,” He said. Doyoung chuckled, waving his hand. “Oh, well—”

The elevator dinged, and Doyoung sighed. “I’ll tell you later. C’mon.”

The hallway it opened up to was lined with pictures of the company's history, starting from pictures of black and white of people in vintage clothing, to pictures in sepia tones to finally pictures of the current CEO at locations around the world: Chanyeol Park.

Jeno walked behind Doyoung as he led him down the hallway, before stopping in front of a door, and a friendly looking man in a suit.

Junmyeon was a part of Chanyeol’s Security and Intelligence team, and often sat in on these meetings with Jeno. The chain of contact also included him. If Jeno couldn’t contact Doyoung (which rarely happened), he’d contact Junmyeon. And if he couldn’t contact either of them, or it was an emergency, only then could he contact Chanyeol. So far, that had only happened once.

"Hey, Junmyeon," Doyoung said, "Mr. Park's 4:30 is here."

Junmyeon nodded, before smiling at Jeno and giving him a wave. "Hey, kid."

Jeno offered an awkward grin. "Hi, Mr. Kim."

Junmyeon rolled his eyes sarcastically. "Kid, you're making me feel ancient. I've told you a million times, just call me Junmyeon."

Jeno shuffled awkwardly, before nodding at the older man, watching as he pressed a button on his earpiece. "Hey, Yeol. Jeno's here."

The muffled response was barely heard, but Jeno automatically understood what Mr. Park said. Junmyeon turned to open the door, and let the pair inside. The “office”—if it could even be called that—opened up to more of a lounge, than anything. A wall of glass overlooked the Manhattan skyline, but Jeno knew that from the outside it looked only like a wall, due to camouflage technology developed by Mr. Park himself. As Doyoung and Junmyeon stayed back, closer to the door, Jeno took a few steps toward the man in question.

Chanyeol was standing a few feet in front of the glass window, working on a holographic model of a new piece of tech. His face was turned downward in a concentrated frown. He barely spared the teenager a glance as he said fondly, “Hey, kid.”

Jeno was used to this. Chanyeol wasn’t cold per se, but he wasn’t warm at all. He knew that Chanyeol cared about him, even if he didn’t really show it in a conventional way. Chanyeol was a very… eccentric man, so he had his own way of saying and doing things.

“Hi, Mr. Park. Um… you wanted to talk to me?”

“Yep! Needed some help from the friendly neighborhood Spiderman… A little birdie told me about something going on in Queens.”

“Queens?” Jeno asked, gripping the straps of his backpack. “You mean, other than the usual stuff?”

“Other than the usual stuff,” Chanyeol repeated, nodding. With a wave of his hand, the hologram disappeared, and another one appeared in its place. This time, instead of a 3D model, a few pictures and another, smaller 3D model appeared. Chanyeol turned to face him, frown deepening. He pointed at the model—a long, shiny oval-shaped purple stone. It reminded Jeno of an amethyst, but instead of turning white at the base, it turned to an iridescent jade tone. “You know what this is, right?”

Jeno nodded, remembering seeing the rocks all over the news when he was a kid. “That’s… that’s a Chitauri stone. From the invasion a few years back.”

Chanyeol nodded, standing up straight. “These stones have the potential to power weapons with no need to recharge, or change them out. They’re an infinite, extremely strong power source, Jeno, and in the wrong hands can be very dangerous.”

Jeno took a deep breath, feeling his stomach sink slowly. Chanyeol sighed. “Cleanup of the city after the invasion was long, and difficult, and obviously the government and the company weren’t able to get everything. It caused a black market to pop up. Now, the NYPD has been investigating it for years, but they have their limits… that’s where you come in.”

“M-me, Mr. Park?”

Chanyeol gave him a crooked, reassuring smile. He pointed at one of the pictures, which was of a man who most likely didn’t know he was photographed. He was walking somewhere, face looking angry and stern.

“You don’t know who this is, right?”

Jeno shook his head, and Chanyeol turned his head to nod at Junmyeon. “You’re up, tough guy.”

Junmyeon huffed, before walking up to Jeno. He put his hand on Jeno’s shoulder as if he could tell that he was growing anxious.

“Jeno, that’s Henry Duke. From what we understand on the intel team, he’s one of the cornerstones of the alien tech black market. He’s one of the top dogs. From what we understand, he likes to be present for all major negotiations that his group makes. A source of ours told us that there’s going to be a negotiation on Friday night not too far away from LaGuardia. We want you to go out there and just get a feel of what’s going on.”

“Just watch them, right?” Jeno looked at Junmyeon, who patted his back reassuringly. “Just watch. Don’t engage unless you absolutely have to.”

“You can do that, right?” Chanyeol said quietly, crossing his arms. “Because if not, then it’s totally—”

“Yeah, of course I can! Friday—shit, Friday. At what time are they supposed to be meeting up?”

Junmyeon furrowed his eyebrows, before answering, “Around eight or nine.”

Jeno bit his lip, thinking about the promise he’d made to you. It would just have to wait, he supposed. Chanyeol rarely asked anything this big of him.

“Alright,” Jeno agreed, “I’ll do it.”

Chanyeol grinned, clapping his hands together.

“Perfect.”

They discussed logistics briefly after. Doyoung would be on call with Jeno, his custom made suit allowing them to communicate, letting Doyoung see everything Jeno was seeing via a video feed coming from the ultra thin lenses placed in the white eye sockets of the mask. Doyoung would then report to Junmyeon, who would report to Chanyeol, who would probably report to the FBI. Jeno was only to engage if absolutely necessary.

After that, he set out on patrol. He usually found some discreet place to hide his backpack, and then went all over Queens looking for trouble, quite literally. Around five thirty, he stopped a robbery in Murray Hill. Then, around seven, he stopped a man from stealing a woman’s purse in Elmhurst. Nothing too much.

Around eight, he finally headed home, this time dressed normally, using the train and not web fluid. He walked home, tired, knowing that he’d immediately have to do that cursed AP calc homework. When he got home, he opened his backpack pocket to look for his keys, rummaging between his notebooks and other things.

Shuffling through his stuff, he furrowed his eyebrows as he couldn’t find them. Thinking back, he remembered this morning, when he’d left in a rush… and had very obviously left his keys on his desk.

“Shit,” He muttered to himself. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, remembering that Aunt Sunny had said she’d be working overtime tonight. He could very easily sneak in through his window, but he was pretty sure he’d locked it the night before, and it was too early. People’s lights were still on—anyone could see him if they just looked up, and then he would be screwed.

Huffing and zipping his backpack up, he marched up to your house, before ringing the doorbell. He shifted his weight back and forth, from his heels to the balls of his feet, until the door opened up. A familiar man with a face just like Doyoung's, but older, with graying hair and arms scarred and muscled from years of working on the police force stood in the doorway.

“Jeno?” Your dad offered him a warm smile. “Hey, kiddo, what’s up?”

“Hi, Mr. Kim,” Jeno said, smiling back. He shifted nervously. “I, um… I left my keys in my room this morning, and my aunt’s working late, so… could I… maybe wait here? Y/N’s home, right?”

The man nodded. “Of course, of course. Come in!”

Your dad had always been super friendly, even from the day Jeno had first met him. You'd told Jeno once that he was the only real father figure you'd ever had. Once everything settled after him and your mom got married, you started calling him dad altogether. And since you and Jeno were practically glued at the hip, he got along with your dad almost as well as you did.

“Okay.” Jeno stepped in and set down his backpack at the base of the coat rack next to the door, as he’d done a million times before. Jeno stepped into the living room, and sat down on the couch. He folded his hands in his lap and looked up at your dad.

"I think Y/N's in the shower, but she should be done soon. You can just wait here if you want… have you eaten anything yet?”

“Uh, I had a granola bar on the train, but that’s it.”

“We have some leftover pasta here, if you want—”

“Thanks, Mr. Kim, really! I’m fine.”

Your dad nodded, sitting down on his recliner. “So, have you started your college list, yet? Y/N said you wanted to stay here in New York.”

Jeno nodded, pushing some hair out of his face. “Well, yeah. It would make things a lot easier, I think. I might want to apply to NYU, but I think I’ll just go to community college, or something.”

Your dad shook his head. “You’re a pretty smart kid, Jeno. I think you could get into Columbia if you set out to. Plus, Chanyeol Park doesn’t give out internships to anybody. That’s your secret weapon.”

Jeno smiled. “Well, you’ve got a point.”

Your dad gave him a friendly punch on the shoulder. “Come on, trying won’t hurt!” Your dad made a face, and then rubbed his knuckles. “Have you been working out? Those muscles weren’t there the last time I did that.”

Jeno laughed, trying to think of an excuse. “Oh, a little bit? The house needed some fixing up over the summer, and I wanted to help Aunt Sunny, so…”

“Jeno?”

He turned immediately, eyes landing on you at the base of the staircase. You’d changed into an old t-shirt and pajama pants. Your hair was slightly damp. “What are you doing here?” You asked, with a curious smile.

His shoulders slumped, and he grinned sheepishly. “Terrible Tuesday strikes again. I forgot my keys.”

You grimaced. “Brutal, dude. You wanna come up?” Your eyes moved to your dad. “Or am I interrupting guy time?”

“Oh, definitely,” Jeno answered, playing along. He took a cocky tone as he rested his hands on the back of his neck. “Your dad was just telling me about how much the NYPD needs me.”

You stifled a laugh. You dad seemed to be holding back a laugh too. "Hey, you're joking, but if you keep working out like that, and if by some impossible chance, the college thing doesn't work out… We might just be able to catch Spiderman if we finally got some brain cells on the force."

"Ugh, dad," You groaned, unaware of Jeno's gut twisting, "Not again."

"Yeah, Mr. Kim," Jeno said, scratching the back of his head, "He's not that bad."

Your dad shook his head. "Look, I don't hate the guy. In all honesty, crime rates have dropped since he started doing his thing. But he thinks he's above the law, and his methods can be a bit… unorthodox sometimes. He’s been undermining us for years and his tech is state of the art. Makes me wonder about what we should do to modernize the force."

Jeno looked downward, wondering what would happen if your dad knew the truth.

"Well, I guess we may just never find out. Jeno'd make a horrible cop. He couldn't hurt a fly if you paid him a million dollars."

But you came to the rescue as you grabbed his backpack, and soon enough he was up the stairs with you, heading into your bedroom, laughing to yourselves when you heard your dad jokingly call out, "Fifteen inch distance, you two! Door stays open!"

He sat on your desk chair while you lay on your bed, limbs splaying out.

"So you left your keys."

Jeno groaned. "Don't remind me. I was in such a rush to leave, that I… I forgot. I'm so stupid."

You rolled your eyes, rolling over onto your stomach to look at him. "You're not stupid, Jen. You made an honest mistake because you were in a hurry."

Standing up, you walked over to him and leaned against the desk. "Seriously, Jeno. What's gotten into you, lately? You freak out about every little thing. It's starting to worry me."

Jeno shook his head. "I don't know," He admitted. "I think I'm just scared about how after this year, everything changes. Renjun’s headed upstate. Jaemin’s going to Boston. You want to go to LA. I think Hyuck and I are the only ones who want to stay here. I just… I don't want things to change."

Your expression turned sad as he continued. "Everyone is expecting great things from me. You're smart, Jeno. You can get into an Ivy. Or, you have a Park internship, you'll be fine. What if I don't want things to be fine? What if I want them to just stay the same?"

You stayed silent for a few moments, trying to think of what to say. Jeno was relatively level headed for someone your age, but even he had moments of doubt and panic. It made moments like these difficult. You sighed before grabbing him by the hand. Wordlessly, you tugged him over to the bed, sitting him down and leaning your head on his shoulder. He could feel the dampness in your hair seeping slowly into his shirt.

"I guess I understand what you mean," You mumbled, trying to reason with him, "But come on. You wouldn't really want everything to stay the same. You can't tell me you want to keep getting AP calc homework. And I definitely doubt that you'd want to have your ass kicked by San for the rest of your life."

Jeno looked at the floor. "You're right. But you know that's not what I mean—"

"I know," You huffed, "I'm just saying. Change… it's inevitable. The longer you fight it, the harder it is."

Jeno nodded. "This sucks."

"It does," You agreed, taking his hand in yours. "But at least we have each other's backs, y'know?"

Something of a smile appeared on his face. You were so close to him, leaning on him, stroking his knuckles with your thumb. He hoped you couldn't hear his heart pounding in his chest.

"We really do, huh?" His voice turned quiet, with a bit of a sleepy lull to it. He allowed his head to rest on yours. "You're so comfortable. Can I like, use you as a pillow for the rest of my life?"

You giggled. "I'll consider it on two conditions."

"Oh, you'll consider. How generous of you."

"Yes, I'll consider. Now, do you wanna hear my terms or not?"

Jeno raised an eyebrow. "Go ahead," He said, before putting on his best Marlon Brando voice, "Make me an offer I can't refuse."

Snorting, you lifted your head off of his. "Okay. One, you finish your calculus homework here before Sunny gets home."

He pursed his lips. "Okay, I could probably do that. What's the other one?"

"Let me drive you to school for the rest of the year."

Jeno stared at you, and you nodded, eyes wide. "Trust me, Jen. You wouldn't need to wake up so early! And plus, you can't text the guy manning the subway asking him to give you five minutes because you need to find your keys."

Jeno gnawed on the inside of his cheek. You did have a point, and to be honest, he could probably refrain from putting his feet up on your dashboard.

"Deal."

You grinned. "Awesome," You answered, before nodding towards his backpack. "Now get to work, Einstein."

The rest of the week wasn't that bad. Yes, you were absolutely batshit insane about your truck in the morning, but he soon realized he didn't really mind. Not when it allowed you both to spend some twenty extra minutes together in the mornings, and they were spent joking around and listening to your extremely varied playlist.

On the other hand, he was saddled with more and more homework, greater and greater expectations. The looming threat of Friday's mission rolled around, and it made Jeno feel like time was passing much too slowly but also way too quickly. There was so much on his mind. He had chemistry with you on Thursdays in the afternoon, which also meant that San was there. Which also meant that sometimes, his heightened senses would pick up on San dropping a tacky pick up line which made Jeno want to punch him in the jaw.

Finally, finally, Friday afternoon rolled around. As he bid you goodbye and promised to see you later, he tried to ignore the feeling in his stomach. The feeling that something was about to go very, very wrong. He went out on patrol, ready for Doyoung to set up the call and tell him where he needed to go. It didn’t help that there wasn’t a lot for him to do that day. Crime had seemed to slow down altogether.

When the time finally came, and the sun was beginning to set, Doyoung rang in at about 7, telling him the location. An old warehouse near LaGuardia airport, hidden from prying eyes. Jeno made his way to the place, avoiding security cameras Doyoung warned him about, and found a place to hide. There was a hole in the warehouse roof, which allowed him to peer right into the building without being seen. It was about thirty feet from the ground.

“Why is it always old, abandoned warehouses?” Jeno grumbled. He heard Doyoung laugh quietly.

“Beats me,” Doyoung sighed.

And so they waited. Jeno wondered vaguely if you were still working. He wasn’t sure. They made time talking quietly, until a black SUV rolled into the warehouse. “Woah, Doyoung,” He murmured, “Hold up.”

Jeno leaned forward, but quickly realized he probably wouldn’t be able to hear what was being said. “D.R.E.A.M, activate Heightened Intelligence Protocol.”

Activating Heightened Intelligence Protocol.

The protocol allowed Jeno to use the lenses over his eyes to zoom in on specific targets, as well as use a microphone embedded in the suit to pick up audio from far away and feed it directly into his ears.

He watched as three figures got out of the car, a fourth remaining in the driver’s seat. The trio stood in front of the car, and Jeno recognized the man in the middle as the man Junmyeon had been talking about.

“Alright, there’s Henry Duke,” He said, “The one in the middle.”

“Got it,” Doyoung replied, sounding satisfied. “Now all we have to do is wait for the other party.”

“Did Junmyeon’s sources say anything about who it would be?”

“No. They weren’t able to find that out. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”

Jeno’s eyes never left the man. “Do you think it’s something international?”

Doyoung sighed. “I’m not sure. If it is international, then you need to be even more careful.”

“Got it. I think—Wait, here they come.”

A second vehicle, this one another black SUV, rolled up not too far away from the first car. The lights turned off and the engine sputtered to a stop, and four men stepped out of the vehicle.

Jeno’s stomach dropped, and of its own accord, his mouth let loose a quiet, “What the fuck,” as he registered the person leading them.

“What?” Doyoung asked, before realizing what—who—he was looking at. “...Is that my dad?”

“I think it is,” Jeno whispered, fingertips suddenly numb. Who was he kidding? They both knew who it was.

“So,” One of the men next to your dad said, “You show us yours, we’ll show you ours?”

Henry Duke clapped his hands together with an impish grin. “I suppose. Reagan, get the case.”

One of the two men standing beside him started off toward the trunk of the car. “It caught me off guard when I heard that the force wanted to purchase these. Almost made me wonder if this was your attempt at a sting operation.”

“What made you change your mind?” Your dad asked. Jeno swallowed at how cold he sounded. This wasn’t your dad, and it didn’t seem like Officer Kim either. This was someone Jeno had never met before.

“Honestly, Kim?” Duke raised an eyebrow, shrugging. “It was you. Your cooperativeness and willing to feed us information, as well as your… insurance agreement. And besides, you made a very interesting point when you said that the Avengers Initiative and Park’s alum Spiderman is ruining the way the law operates around here. That type of bitterness… hard to fake.”

Your dad huffed. “We’re fucking tired of it.”

The man leaning against the car your dad had stepped out of scoffed. “If this helps us catch the little asshole, then so be it.”

Jeno frowned. “I’m not little—”

“Jeno, shut up!” Doyoung snapped.

“—Alright, then.” The man holding the briefcase—Reagan—clicked it open, as if it were a prize reveal on The Price is Right. Five guns, all modified to hold glowing Chitauri stones were placed carefully together side by side.

“You know the basics. No radiation. Keep it away from security scanners and x-rays. They will blow up. And second of all, these are at half the price, along with the promise from the chief of police that my business won’t be touched, and will only be distributed to officers in on the operation and have agreed to turn off their body cameras when they decide to use these weapons. Should this not be a sting operation, we’ll be back here to negotiate.”

Jeno leaned forward, watching anxiously.

“Yes, sir,” Your dad answered, nodding. “We have the money here.”

“Hand it over, then.”

That was when Jeno made his mistake. He leaned forward too much, and proceeded to fall right through the hole, bringing down some scraps of the roof with him. As he tumbled through the air, the zoom on his lenses caused him to grow dizzy as he had no idea what he was looking at. He caught himself before he could fall, clumsily commanding D.R.E.A.M to go back to turn off the current protocol. His vision returned to normal, and he swung up onto a rafter holding the warehouse up.

“So, we have company.” Duke didn’t sound as amused as he had before. His face turned into a sneer. “Get him.”

In less than a second, before Jeno could say anything, five guns were pointed directly at him. He managed to swing away before any bullets could hit him.

“Jeno, get out of there now,” Doyoung ordered.

“What about the guns?” Jeno asked, swinging to another rafter. “They know I’m here, I might as well get them before I go—”

“No! Jeno, listen to what I’m telling you. You’ve done more than enough, and you need to let it g—”

Your dad aimed, and a bullet fired right at Jeno’s chest. For a second, he forgot that the chest area of the suit was lined with bulletproof material. While it didn’t shoot into his chest, it ricocheted right off him, and since he was in motion, it somehow caused the bullet to bounce back in the direction in which it came.

The wind was knocked out of Jeno, but it was nothing compared to watching the bullet land in the middle of your father’s chest. On the other line, he heard Doyoung yell, followed by the sound of something falling. And then, as he made his way back towards the hole he’d fallen out of, he couldn’t rip his eyes away from the body as it crumpled to the ground.

The others around him scrambled to get back into their respective cars. Jeno was back on the roof now, trying not to hyperventilate. “I’m sorry,” He gasped, “Do—Doyoung, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t want to—”

“Jeno, you need to get out of there, now,” Doyoung said, voice raspy. “GO!”

So he did, and Doyoung cut off the call once he was out of the vicinity. Jeno didn’t blame him. He swung across buildings, feeling numb as he looked for the apartment complex roof where he’d decided to hide his backpack.

When he finally did, he changed in a hurry, before slumping against the wall and forcing himself to take deep breaths.

Doyoung’s dad—your dad—was dead. And it was all his fault.

He cried on the way down the staircase. He cried on his way to the subway. The entire time, he ignored people’s stares. Suddenly everything was too loud, and if he met someone in the eyes he’d just about break down in the middle of the station.

As he got onto the train, Jeno thought about all of the things your dad had done for you, and for Jeno. All the times he'd taken you both to Coney Island in the summer when you were younger. The year Pokemon Go came out he took the both of you driving around in his car so you and Jeno could catch as many Pokemon as you could.

He’d formally adopted you when you were thirteen. You were his daughter in nearly every sense of the word, regardless of blood. And now he was dead, because of a stupid mistake that Jeno had made.

What would you say if you knew? He didn’t want to know. Checking the time on his phone, he saw he’d gotten a message from you just three minutes ago.

[8:36 PM]

y/n: lemme know when ur outside!! :)

“Fuck,” He murmured, wiping his eyes. He knew he needed to stop crying before he got to your house, and he had about ten minutes before he got to his stop, and then another five minute walk to the neighborhood. He focused on taking deep breaths and taking long swigs from his water bottle in the meantime, trying to tune out the sound of other people talking and the sound of the train on the rails.

The walk was the longest five minute walk he’d ever taken. The flashing lights of convenience stores did nothing to calm him down. As the stores in his peripheral vision began transitioning into suburban homes, he felt his heart speed up again. The constant movement as he walked meant he missed his phone vibrating in his backpack as you rang his number.

After what seemed like an eternity, two familiar houses came into his line of vision, and his shoulders slumped as he spotted you on your porch, looking small and teary, curled up into a little ball. In one hand, you were clutching your phone.

His stomach twisted as he put on a confused tone, even though he knew damn well that you knew. “...Y/N?”

You stood up, running to him and burying yourself into his chest, crumpling into his arms. You would have fell over if Jeno hadn’t held both of you up.

“Jeno,” You sobbed, “You’re n-not go-onna believe it.”

He brought a hand up to caress your hair, holding back tears of his own as he asked a question he already knew the answer to.

“Y/N, what happened?”

taglist: @decembermoonskz @itsapapisongo @lenaluvs @crescentjen

#kwritersworldnet #nct angst #nct x reader #jeno x reader #jeno angst #jeno fluff #nct au #jeno au #kpop scenarios #kpop angst #kpop imagines #nct dream x reader #lee jeno x reader #my writing

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language-sanctuary · 4 years ago

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Hispanic TV Shows Recs (with poc/queer rep)

I’ve decided on doing a post about the most known tv shows in Spanish and I am focusing on shows with POC and queer representation because I am POC and queer, no other reason. Enjoy!

La Casa de las Flores: A rich Mexican family discovers that the patriarch has a hidden life and a hidden family. Very entertaining series and has queer and trans characters (although the trans woman is played by a cis man, which I find... questionable, but I find the whole thing very respectful, talks a lot about transphobia and homophobia in my cis opinion), which is surprising for a series made in such a conservative country. Definitely recommend! Has been the origin material of many Mexican memes. Link to trailer

Juana Inés: Mexican miniseries about Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz, from when she was a young teen until her death. Very dark academia, gorgeous cinematography and very accurate from what I could tell. Really really recommend! Link to trailer

La Casa de Papel: I haven’t watched this one but everyone I know who has is obsessed with it. It’s an heist Spanish tv series, and has good queer and POC rep. Link to trailer

Club de cuervos: This was Netflix’s first Hispanic original series. Has very famous Mexican actors and it’s about two siblings trying to take control of their father’s sports team. Link to trailer

Elite: A Spanish series about a private school called “Las Encinas” that welcomes three students from the working class. I’d describe this as the Spanish Riverdale, lots of teen drama, lots of sex and tension between students. Also has murder and investigations. Not my cup of tea but might be yours! Link to trailer

Desenfrenadas: A coming of age story about a group of four young adults that go on a roadtrip in Mexico. Good story, amazing cast, very good musical choices, original! Link to trailer

Las chicas del cable: Set in 1928 in Madrid, Spain. Four women have just been hired in a new telecommunications company. Definitely a character-focused story, but I really dig it. Has a wlw couple and strong female characters! Link to trailer

El ministerio del tiempo: The premise of this show is INSANE. A secret Spanish government organization that only very few people know about which purpose is to prevent that time travelers change the present time. I haven’t watched it either but it’s next on my To Watch list. Link to trailer

Merlí: This is a series that follows the format of “Literature/Philosophy professor challenges their students’ view of their world through knowledge”, very similar to Dead Poets Society. You will learn a lot about different philosophers! (Addition by @lookingat-the-moon: Merlí is a Catalan TV show. The OG is in Catalan and then they translated it into Spanish. After Merlí you can also watch “Merlí: Sapere Aude” that it’s like a continuation of the story) Link to trailer

La jauría: This Chilean series just came out this year and follows an all-male group that is called “La Jauría” that assault female students from a catholic school, and the investigation that follows to take them down. Very empowering and with feminist values. Could be potentially triggering but if you like crime shows this might be right up your alley. Link to trailer.

Hernán: This series is about the Spanish colonization that happened in the 15th century in American territories. I haven’t watched it because it pisses me off that the focus is on the colonizer and the event still hurts even six centuries later but I’ve heard is good! I consider it important to watch historical series about very rarely touched issues and it was extremely researched. It is still mixed people talking about indigenous people’s history but I haven’t watched it and cannot emit an opinion. Link to first episode

La Rosa de Guadalupe: I guess I don’t have to tell you what this series is about. You know, I know you know but I’ll do it anyway. Just pure madness, the craziest situations about teen pregnancy, kidnappings, anime-loving teens, predators, addictions, just everything, but manages to be funny as hell because the acting is so incredibly bad. Link to the funniest and most memeable thing you’ll ever see.

Mi marido tiene más familia: A Mexican telenovela that made news because it was the first widely distributed series with a gay teen couple. Link to all episodes

Amar a muerte: Also a Mexican telenovela, also with a homosexual relationship, but this time is between two young women, Juliana and Valentina. I think they’re making a spin-off series based only on them?? Link to trailer and the trailer of Juliantina

El chavo del ocho: Probably the most iconic children show in Mexico’s history. It started being televised in 1973 and it’s a situational comedy about a homeless child that lives in a neighborhood helped by his friends, and the funny situations he somehow gets himself in. Has had incredible impact to Mexican pop-culture. Very charming characters. Full episodes can be found on Youtube! Link to playlist

Here’s my ko-fi if you wanna compensate me for the time and effort I put into my blog!

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veiledsilver · 3 years ago

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Top five moments you've felt like the universe was messing with you.

Oh boy everyone get ready this is a long list. In descending order, from mildly funny looking back on it to "oh god oh shit oh fuck":

5. Catfishing: College Edition

In 6th grade, I decided to apply to colleges early to see how they were like. I was scared that if they knew I was too young, they'd arrest me. So I created a gmail account as my persona, a white 12th grader named Emilie Alexander. Emilie was planning to go into nursing, dating a high school linebacker named Kyle Kenderson, and deathly allergic to bee stings. If she even came near a bee, she would die.

This part was of the utmost importance.

See, I was constantly paranoid that one day, the jig would be up- I might forget that my fake last name was Alexander. Or the college dean might come knocking at my door and tear up my home in his mad search for Emilie. If that happened I would fake her tragic death, presumably caused by one big fucking bee.

I secretly collected my information. What nearby states were the prettiest to visit. Which colleges were the safest and most affordable. How often they held courses that I liked. In my emails with colleges I tried to sound as mature and professional as possible.

Then, one day, a college member asked me what high school I was in, so they could check my records.

My blood froze.

It was time to bring out the bee.

In response to their question, I sent an email that was like this:

"Dear Mr. McLaughlin, I was a proud graduate of- ugh! Ah! Kyaaaa! Uwaa! W-w-what's this... huge goddamn bee doing here?! Eek, pardon my foul language! It's just that, as I told you earlier, being stung by a bee would kill me.... and now it's stung me thrice (three times)!!

What do I do?! I can't die... I've always wanted to attend your beautiful college...

But this is... the end...

Mr. McLaughlin...

*looks at you sadly*

Tell... my mother... I loved her...

*dies*"

He never responded, probably because he was rendered speechless, but I never touched that account again.

My private gmail for fun stuff like tumblr still has "Alexander" as a surname, though.

4. Wild and Authentic

Alright. Alright. So. My art teacher in middle school.

Right off the bat, they endeared themselves to the tumblr art kids- they proudly used they/them pronouns, dyed their hair vibrant colors, deeply encouraged OC creation, and was chill with any art style even if it was anime. Mx. Mason was very cool, except for one thing.

We had complete artistic freedom when it came to their assignments, EXCEPT FOR ONE THING.

Drumroll, please.

Take a deep breath if you must.

Ready?

...

Cats had to have extremely distinct whisker pores.

YES, they believed that modern depictions of cats were too streamlined. Too... idealized. As a cat owner themselves, they were convinced that society's vision of cats did not do their feral feline ancestors justice. In making their faces flawlessly smooth-furred, we were stripping the cat of its true nature.

I found this out the hard way, when I was drawing warrior cats fanart for class (it was of Firestar cuddled in the arms of an orange haired anime catgirl who was his reincarnation in my first ever comic series, Warriors Neko Desu! ♡ Heart Academy Dokidoki).

Mx. Mason came over to look at my magnum opus, and I expected them to have their socks knocked off at my artistic talent. They lifted up my drawing for all to see, and I smugly leaned back in my seat.

Only for them to launch into a passionate lecture about how, in neglecting to draw whisker pores on cats, I was DENYING THIS FICTIONAL CAT OF ITS WILD AUTHENTIC SELF.

My friends absolutely lost it when I told them this story, and there was a period of time when all our discord nicknames were wild and authentic too.

As for Firestar and his counterpart Hoshineko Orenji-chan, I never did give them wild authentic whisker holes, but that's to be expected of a kittypet, I guess.

3. Stan Jungkook Or Whatever

A couple years ago, my family and I flew to Seoul, South Korea, to visit our relatives and teach me more about my heritage. It was very nice! I got to visit shrines and festivals and palaces, and I was in awe that this was what my ancestors had once seen in their daily lives.

Then, when we went to the modern side of Korea, I realized just how much I didn't fit in.

It was clear that I didn't know how to act, or how to speak Korean, and I spent my days fumbling around and getting scammed multiple times by salesmen. But I clowned myself the most... during an interactive event with kpop stars.

They had this experimental event where holograms of the boys would sing onstage and dance in place of the actual idols. Before the show began, girls could stand in booths that scanned their appearances, and holograms of THEM could dance onstage with the hologram boys.

I didn't know this.

When Cousin Ae-cha told me to step inside one of the machines, I thought I'd be hilarious and stand backwards, so it would scan the back of me instead of my front. As I walked out, I saw other girls putting on their best makeup, cutest clothes, and most expensive accessories, and I slowly realized that I was in danger.

But the danger didn't come until halfway through the concert, where the boys looked eagerly off-stage and a holy staircase appeared and all the hologram girls descended from heaven. There were cherry blossoms. There were roses. There was me, among the crowd of beautiful airbrushed girls, walking backwards.

I felt the judgemental gazes of twenty girls and their mothers.

Each boy danced with a girl, who got a cute animated moment with special effects, and sang about how they found a dream girl to have a true love romance with. Finally, all the girls vanished except one, and it was me.

One of the boys didn't dance with any girls, and now he was all alone in the rain, feeling dejected that HE did not find his true love girl to have a dream romance with. Then the rain stopped, the sun came out, and I emerged. Still backwards.

He was thrilled and sang about how my face (that he didn't see) stole his heart, and now everyone in the audience was giggling, and he slowly brought me very close to kiss me... but because I was backwards, his nose was cutely nuzzling my hair.

The audience members- at least the adults- were now laughing their asses off. His lips met the back of my head, and together we vanished into the wind.

I'd say I couldn't show my face there ever again, but I never did show my face, so... hm...

2. Horrid Little Temptress

If I wasn't a minor, I'd need a drink before starting this story. Sadly, I cannot drown my sorrows- and neither should you after you hear this, because it's only fair.

Mrs. Appleby was my Spanish teacher in like, 9th grade. Even the wild and authentic art teacher thought she was insane. Appleby forced kids to brew tea for her and yelled at them when they didn't get it right, and I thought she had a chronic squint until I realised she just did that to mock me and my Asian eye-folds. She forced us to watch Dora the Explorer to "absorb knowledge." Everyone fucking hated Mrs. Appleby.

But the worst thing she ever did... was during the school festival.

See, whenever she's angry, she zooms right into kids' faces to scream at them. Her wrinkled flesh would blot out the goddamn sun and all you see are her bloodshot yellow eyeballs so victims just stayed rooted to the spot like cornered animals or something similar. This is important.

Because when she was sampling her own brownies (read: hoarding them so no one else could eat them), one parent foolishly decided to grab one and she thought it was a student and she grabbed his wrist so hard she could've nearly snapped it and... and... zoomed into his face.

Except she underestimated his height and kissed him by accident, but it was more like her mouth was sucking in his face like a vacuum.

His wife was shrieking like an ape. His kid, my classmate, saw his social life flash before his eyes.

In her defense, she did not mouth to mouth with him on purpose and afterwards she cried in the bathroom and when I foolishly followed her in to comfort her, because I am a teacher's pet through and through, she snatched the paper towels I got for her and wailed that she was a-

A-

HORRID LITTLE TEMPTRESS.

If I had decided to not be kind, I never would've heard that string of fucking words. But I did. And I paid for it dearly. The end.

1. Violence IS The Answer, Sometimes

Thomas, my dearly detested.

Back in sixth grade, I used to have a crush on him because he had the surfer boy look with nicely tanned skin and pale blond hair and the clearest aquamarine eyes I've ever seen. He also liked surfing and swimming. He seemed like the perfect little trophy waifu except for one absolute dealbreaker.

He and his parents were extremely conservative and so, when I told him I liked him, his response was basically "haha no you're a [slur] and would probably eat my dog."

I was horrified and ran away to cry. But then, by the next day, I decided I needed to punish him. Thomas walked in before class started and I was waiting for him with these hands. I kicked him so he doubled over, slammed his face into his chair's seat, and quickly clambered on top of him to SIT ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD. He started shaking and twitching and trying to pry me off, but eventually he went limp and stopped moving.

I thought he fell asleep, but Mohammed, another classmate who was bullied by Thomas, told me that Thomas might never wake up again (not that he was very sad about this. I didn't know until later, but Thomas said slurs at him too).

While I was sitting on the guy, he'd straight up passed out from the lack of oxygen.

Screaming and crying, I told our homeroom teacher that Thomas suddenly fainted, and she was the type of Caucasian that thought all little Asian kids were sweet and innocent, so it didn't even cross her mind that? It might've been me? Who sat on his head when she walked in?

He was sent home early that day. I had to go to a different school next year because Thomas's mom threatened legal action. The only reason I didn't get punished further was because my rich cousins out-Karen'd her and donated a huge amount of money to the school to keep them quiet.

Anyway, I never did anything that insane ever again, because something like that is enough for a lifetime. My cousins made it clear they would never back me up again. I was sure this whole event would be put behind me, too.

But last fall, during my first day of online learning... who did I see in my zoom meeting... BUT THOMAS! I had my mic and camera off, but the moment he saw my name, his face went pale. His soul would've left his body, but then it would've gone to hell, so it wisely decided to stay inside.

Still, out of shame and embarrassment, I never turned my camera on for the rest of the school year.

#asks #there you have it #i feel like I'm confessing my sins to the pope

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lovelyirony · 5 years ago

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pls 33.) “He said oh my god you’re piecing it together/You are just a shadow of me/oh my lord you’ve never left the mirror/You were never ever free” Mirror Master with Peggy and Sharon parallels and some Steve/Sharon mayhaps? OR 12.) “It’s on pretty lady/born to be angry/grip of the vice/click on the trigger, girl/sip wine on ice” It’s About Time with rivals to lovers Nat/Maria

Sharon loved visiting her Aunt Peggy. From investigating the various nooks and crannies around the house to the “don’t tell your father I told you this story...” tidbits, it was her favorite place. Her house always smelled of tea and linen, and sometimes Aunt Peggy allowed her to try on some red lipstick.

“With red, you’ll be unstoppable,” Peggy says teasingly. “And who knows what will happen when you’re unstoppable...”

Being a kid means you don’t see a lot of the things that go on behind the scenes, so to speak. Sharon doesn’t know why her mother never likes that it’s Peggy who watches her when she can, doesn’t understand why her father doesn’t want Peggy to tell her what her job is.

She doesn’t know why her mom steers her away from any talk of “being just Peggy!”

“You want to do something else,” her mother says worriedly. “Didn’t you want to be a ballerina?”

“Peggy said they can’t work as a ballerina for very long because of repetition,” Sharon says, frowning.

“Then you can be a doctor. Or a lawyer!”

“Lawyers are boring,” Sharon says, rolling her eyes. “Why can’t I be like Aunt Peggy?”

“Because...just don’t ask,” her mother tells her. She’s irritated, voice getting sharp. Sharon knows that her mom is never a fun person when she’s mad. So Sharon doesn’t say anything, not until her mother is lying down for the night and she sneaks out to her dad’s office.

“Mom doesn’t want me to be like Aunt Peggy. Why?” She whispers, crawling into his lap. He smells like printer ink and the woodsy smell of his cologne.

“Peggy...she’s chosen a dangerous career. It gets her in a bit of trouble sometimes. Your mother doesn’t want that for you.”

“She wants me to be a boring lawyer,” Sharon whines. “I don’t wanna be a lawyer.”

“You don’t have to be,” her dad whispers. “You can be what you want. But with Aunt Peggy’s job...there’s more of a chance that you don’t get to see family as often. She’s lucky that she doesn’t have to move to England or Paris again.”

“She lived in England?” Sharon asks, eyes bugging out.

“Yes, for a bit. You know that we were raised there. She wasn’t there to visit anyone. She had to work the whole time.”

“That doesn’t sound like fun,” Sharon says, frowning.

“No, no it isn’t. But I think saving lives as a doctor could be fun, yeah?”

“Maybe.”

Sharon doesn’t stop wanting to be like Aunt Peggy. Peggy is fierce and Peggy is liked by a lot of people and holds influence.

Peggy Carter probably doesn’t sit alone at lunch because girls called her weird and guys say she’s too much like them.

Peggy Carter has loads of friends, like Aunt Angie and Mr. Jarvis.

If Sharon was more like Peggy, then maybe things would be different and her mom would quit asking her if she wants to invite Mackenzie to her birthday party.

Sharon is very similar to Peggy. Scarily so. She has the same intensity to her gaze, the same drive to help others in her own way. She doesn’t suffer fools easily, and Peggy knows that if she’s not careful, Sharon will end up like her.

And that is one thing that she is terrified of. Peggy knows a lot of the things that have led her to survive are either lucky or questionable. She’s done lots of things she’s not proud of. She doesn’t always check in on her kids as much as she should, doesn’t miss the drifting commentary of not being something/somewhere/someone “again.”

Again. What a damning word, to be something/someone/somewhere “again.”

So when Sharon asks her if she can start training--after all, she was already thirteen and needed to get a headstart if she really wanted to be like her aunt--and Peggy looks at her.

“No.”

“What? Why not?” Sharon asks, sipping the rest of her tea. “Is it still too early?”

“My job is not easy,” Peggy says. “It is not a game.”

“You think...what?” Sharon asks.

“You wouldn’t take it seriously,” Peggy says. “This isn’t some adventure of Betty Carver, this isn’t a Captain America adventure. No.”

Sharon blinks back tears. She can’t cry in front of Aunt Peggy, not here. Not now. She wants to prove she’s not some fucking little kid who thinks this is her thinking it’ll be like Betty Carver, the stupid nurse from the old radio show about Captain America.

“I-I’ll go home now,” Sharon says, voice brimming with tears. She can’t hide it. Doesn’t have the training for it, obviously. “See you later.”

Peggy knows it hurts Sharon. She knows it does, knows that she will never look at Sharon like she usually does. But she needs Sharon to be nothing like her.

Because if she’s everything like her...oh god.

Her mother is relieved. There’s a lighter air to her demeanor when Sharon says she’ll just walk home from school anymore.

“I don’t wanna bother Aunt Peggy,” she says lightly. They can’t know what was said. She can barely think of it without tears coming back up. “Do you think I can sign up for anatomy in high school?”

A doctor. That’s what she’ll be. That’s what she tells herself.

But then there comes a night when she’s home alone. Her parents are on a date night, playfully telling her to not do anything dangerous. She knows they mean have anyone over, light the house on fire.

They don’t think she’ll reconsider her career path.

Aunt Peggy doesn’t think she can do it. She thinks that Sharon is just some kid who thinks this whole thing is some stupidly fun mission and she’ll tell stories by the campfire when she’s old.

Sharon’s not stupid. She still may be a kid, but she doesn’t know why the hell anyone thinks kids are stupid.

She can still pretend like she’s gonna be a doctor. She’ll just need to add some necessary lies. Like saying she needs to study foreign languages to a.) make sure she knows her patients, and b.) get scholarships. Saying she needs self-defense because she wants to work in DC.

“To work on politicians, huh?” her dad asks with a grin. “Don’t pull the plug, they’ll throw you in jail.”

“I won’t get caught,” Sharon jokes.

“Don’t,” her mother warns. “You’ll get us all in trouble one day, I swear. What made you decide to focus more on all this, hm?”

“Future’s important,” Sharon says. “Isn’t that what you always say, mom?”

“So you can listen to that but not me telling you to put away your laundry seven times?”

“Mom!”

Her mother chuckles.

“I’m proud of you, honey. Just think, our next doctor! How fun...”

She prattles on about her insanely-boring Uncle Jimmy, who could make paint beg to dry quicker.

Sharon starts studying, and studying hard. She memorizes languages, at least enough to get by. She starts going to the gym and kickboxing. And she remembers that she wants to do this in spite of Aunt Peggy, because she wants to be there to help people.

She remembers Peggy’s stories of Steve, which always varied with Captain America’s. Steve was a sweetheart who liked to draw and had a surprisingly vicious sense of humor.

“You and him would have gotten along like a house on fire,” Peggy would say, chuckling. “Of course, he owed me a dance...I’m not sure if I would have taken him up on that.”

She would gaze fondly over at Uncle Daniel, who smiles in response and kisses her on the forehead and tells her what’s for dinner.

Steve always did stuff for the right reason. Didn’t matter that he was as skinny as a telephone pole, didn’t matter that he could get around New York by categorizing which streets he got beat up on. He kept going. He kept trying to be the best person he could under the circumstances.

That’s what Sharon likes about Steve Rogers. Of course Captain America most likely ended World War II on a much quicker pace and gave hope to millions, but it was Steve who at the end of the day promised a dance and had smiles on his face that were endearingly familiar to her.

When she goes to college, she goes on scholarship and moves into a dorm. Her mother tries to convince her in vain to join a sorority.

“Don’t you want built-in friends?” Her mother asks. “After all, you know that I still talk to Roberta and Missy from mine--”

“And they’re such a delight,” dad mutters, ignoring the dirty look his wife gives him. “Sharon, do what you want. You wanna join a sorority? Fine. You don’t? Cool.”

“They’re beneficial, Sharon. Who knows how many connections you could get for jobs?”

That makes Sharon pause.

She joins a sorority. Not her favorite thing, but some of these girls have mothers and fathers and family members that sway decisions. And if she wants a favor later, she’ll have to see Lindsey puke out three margaritas in a shitty bar to do it.

Class, of course, is difficult. She plays the part well of studying to be a doctor and finding out it just isn’t for her.

“Oh that’s okay,” her father says. “I wanted to be an archaeologist at some point. Can you imagine how ridiculous that would be? I misplace my socks half the time, I don’t know what I’d do with dinosaur bones...”

Sharon giggles. Says she’s thinking about switching to be a communications major.

They okay it, she’s set. She also has more time to train, practice languages, and get a minor in Spanish.

She keeps a lookout for SHIELD. Listens carefully to what her dad says about Aunt Peggy.

He knows something happened. Neither party will tell him, but something is off in the way Sharon makes too sharp a remark and Peggy hasn’t the faintest idea what Sharon’s actually up to.

“I worry about both of them,” Harrison tells his wife.

“People grow apart some times,” Amanda answers sleepily. “And it’s good that Sharon grew out of that phase where she wanted to be Margaret. Of all things...”

He supposes his wife is right. He sets down his newspaper, takes off his reading glasses, and heads to bed.

Meanwhile, Sharon has ditched her sorority’s party night to interview at SHIELD. She’s submitted her applications under Agent Thirteen, waiting for a response. When she gets an email from someone named “Phil Coulson” to meet at seven o’clock for an interview, she dresses in business casual and waits at a cafe for him.

He blinks.

“Does...does Director Carter know you’re here?”

“No, and I would prefer it if she didn’t,” Sharon says. “Especially since she’s retired and SHIELD is no longer under her eyes.”

Coulson clears his throat.

“Of..of course. May I ask why?”

“Family connections are dangerous things to have in this business,” Sharon tells him, taking a swig of coffee. “I would prefer to avoid it.”

She gets a trial run. She’s put in a course with the other new recruits. Calls her parents and says it’s a boot camp for leadership. (She’s not wrong...technically.) She tightens her ponytail and listens as the senior agents tell them all it isn’t a walk in the park.

“This isn’t some ‘save-the-day’ routine that you get to brag about once it’s done,” Agent Coulson says in that infuriatingly even, boring voice he has. “You’ll have nightmares. You will have to lie to everyone you love about everything. And people will leave you and you cannot blame them for it, you cannot tell them the real reason. Are you ready for that? Do you think you can handle that?”

Recruits nod. Sharon says “yes.” Because verbalizing it? That means you have a dedication. Simply nodding never means what it is. It means you cannot dedicate yourself to a problem, but you think you can.

It is that night when she sleeps on an uncomfortable cot that she understands Aunt Peggy a little bit more. She understands why she couldn’t always be there, why her own kids didn’t like visiting, or so mom had said.

(Maybe why she told you to stay away, her brain whispers. But she remembers her throat burning, remembering that her aunt had told her that she couldn’t train someone like her.)

Sharon keeps that thought away. Better not to have personal connections.

Of course, everyone wants to know why she’s Agent Thirteen.

“You like numbers or something?” One girl asks. “Come on, you can tell me. We’re friends, right?”

They are not friends. Lily seems to think they are because she wants Sharon to let her guard down enough so she can beat her time on the obstacle course.

“Nope,” Thirteen says. “Just call me Thirteen like everybody else. You’re not gonna know it.”

“Fine, be that way,” Lily says. “I’m still gonna kick your ass on the obstacle course, Thirteen.”

Sharon grins.

“Do your worst, Lily.”

(Lily’s worst is...well it’s worse than most everyone’s. She’s rejected from the field academy and doesn’t let anyone see her cry. But everyone can hear it over the steady thrum of the shower.)

“So, why the number Thirteen?” Agent Barton asks. He’s different from most recruits. For one, he’s from Iowa. That in itself is...something. Secondly, he was recruited from an honest-to-god circus where he wore purple sequins.

“Thirteen is my favorite number,” she responds, rewrapping her hands for the sparring session. “Why purple sequins?”

“They were out of hot pink,” Clint says, and she laughs. “Come on, I think if we hurry to the cafeteria we can get a meal that is only questionable and not highly questionable.”

Thirteen scores well on tests involving body language. She reads people like a book. Her aim could use work, but it’s proficient enough to impress. She can turn on the charm, turn on the lies like she’s meant to do it.

(And she’s spent so long lying to everyone around her, is it any wonder?)

When she gets officially inducted, Fury asks her if her aunt knows.

“No, and I would rather she didn’t,” Sharon said tersely.

She understands Peggy now. She understands her in the way that agents are lost and people get frustrated and drop the training because they have a spouse that they love more than life itself. God knows how Peggy balanced it.

She thinks that maybe Aunt Peggy was scared that Sharon would disappear and never return, become like so many others on the wall of remembrance.

Sharon touches Steve’s placard every time she passes it. It’s more tarnished than others, the first one on the wall. Her fingers trace the “S” and the “R” every time, and she smiles as she remembers the stories of him.

People see similarities. The higher-ups don’t spill any secrets to the lower agents, they can’t. But they know that she’s related to Peggy in the way her voice becomes clipped when she’s frustrated, in the ways her eyes flash in rage.

She’s too similar, she knows that.

The comparisons won’t stop. Because she knows she’s too similar. Dear god, sometimes she’s worried that she’ll look into a mirror and see her.

The older agents, the ones that have been in the field and now deal with all the boring paperwork and paper trails whisper to her that Peggy made a lot of the same decisions as she did, stayed behind to make sure the job was done.

“You’re just like her,” Agent Veering says, his spectacles slipping down his nose. “She would be proud of you, you know.”

No, no she wouldn’t. To have someone turn out exactly like you?

Well...you know your shortcomings. You know your failures. You know how you will die, nearly. And someone having that same pattern?

God, Peggy would die.

So she pushes that out of her mind. She focuses on the mission at hand and reads the various notecards on the fridge about “please don’t touch this meal or you will die.”

She’s one of their best. Of course she is, people say. Fury is reminded of Peggy’s legacy, of how Sharon acts. She puts herself out there first, luring people away with expectations. It’s...eerily similar.

Sharon gets a call from her parents. They think she has an office job dealing with communications in security fields. (Technically not a lie. Also not a complete truth.)

“You need to come visit Peggy,” dad says quietly. “Please.”

“What happened?”

“She’s been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.”

It’s a terrible thing. Because it can’t get better, it will only get worse until you have someone who doesn’t know a damn thing.

Peggy doesn’t like all the fuss.

“Don’t worry about me darling,” she tells Harrison. “I’m fine. Just a bit forgetful. I’ll be out of hospital in a week, tops. I’ll be back to work!”

She thinks she’s going back to work a lot.

They actually have to keep her in a special home, one monitored by SHIELD agents. She keeps revealing secrets, ones that people absolutely cannot know.

But on good days, Sharon visits. And on bad days.

“I cannot believe you joined SHIELD,” Peggy says sharply. “It’s exactly what I didn’t want you to do.”

“Should’ve told me to go for it and then told me about the recruit training,” Sharon says. “Would’ve turned me off completely.”

Peggy laughs. She holds Sharon hands.

“Promise me you’ll be careful. Don’t...don’t be like me.”

And it means more now. It’s unavoidable, what Peggy has. And yet there’s always the “what if.”

“Okay,” Sharon says, knowing she is lying. “Okay.”

Sharon cries in her car. For longer than ten minutes. Which is fine, she knows that.

But she gets a call from Hill.

“Thirteen?”

“What?”

“Okay over there?” Maria asks. Sharon can feel the eyebrow raise from here.

“Personal issues. I’ll be okay. What is it?”

“You’re gonna want to get here as quick as possible. I’m talking a hundred miles an hour.”

“What, did Fury finally wear white?”

“No, way better than that.”

They fucking found him. They found Steve Rogers. He’s in a block of ice and he’s alive.

Sharon’s horrified. Everyone else seems to be losing it, smiling and grinning because Cap is back.

They don’t know how badly he’s going to be out of time.

She goes straight to Fury.

“You can’t push him immediately,” she says. “You can’t.”

“And what, you know Cap better than us?” Fury asks.

“I know Steve better than you,” Sharon says, leveling with him. “And this is gonna suck and he’s going to need to learn how to be himself before Captain America is even an option. Trust me. Trust the psychologists who are gonna tell you the exact same thing.”

Fury looks at her for a moment.

“Tell me the difference.”

“Steve is going to run out of that room because you messed up,” Sharon says, gesturing to the woman they’re having going in. “You got the fashion wrong, you got the hair wrong. In the army, her hair would’ve been up and away. You’re also playing a baseball game that he was at. He knows that he won’t be.”

“We’re not sure the state of his memory.”

“He memorized strategies and sites of attack in one glance and could recall even the smallest detail about a stranger, he’ll remember,” Sharon argues.

Steve Rogers runs.

Sharon curses. She fucking knew they’d pull this, knew that SHIELD wanted Captain America back so badly they’d forget that he’s still just a guy.

He stares at Times Square with all of its people, all of the lights, and he looks lost.

“I...I had a dance.”

Fury ushers him back inside. Sharon says nothing.

This does not explain why Steve Rogers gets moved in right next to her apartment.

“What the fuck,” Sharon seethes into her phone. “When I told you to get him help, I didn’t mean me!”

“You’re the one who has the closest connection to him. Seeing your aunt is gonna depress the living shit out of him,” Clint says.

(Yes, she told Clint. In her defense she was wine-drunk, had eaten the best burger to that point in her life, and Clint had made her laugh for ten minutes straight.)

“Is he seeing a therapist?”

“As soon as he agrees to one.”

Sharon knocks her head against the wall. And then goes over to see Steve looking forlornly at the space.

“What’s up?” she asks.

Steve turns, blinking at her.

“Who are you?”

“Sharon. Carter.”

“You’re...?”

“Related? Yes. But that’s not important right now. You need help unpacking your kitchen stuff.”

“I’m fine.”

“I don’t think you realize how bad new agents are at packing things,” Sharon says. “I’m helping.”

Steve is truly and really lost. It reminds him of when he went through the city for the first time by himself and got lost around a streetcar and he couldn’t find his way back until Bucky had happened to walk by with a cute girl on his arm.

He should really tell Bucky about all of this, he just needs to find--

Stamps. For a man who’s MIA. Or KIA. Most likely the latter.

Then he can’t breathe. And he sits on a chair that’s too modern and he stares at a carpet that looks weird, and Sharon is by him.

“Hey,” she says. “Breathe. You’re here in your apartment. I put away dishes. I’m making you get new coffee mugs because the ones you have are disgusting.”

“Where the fuck do I get those?” Steve asks. “Woolworth’s? Do they even have those?”

“Missed it by a decade or eight,” Sharon says. “No, there are other stores. Better designs, too. Or we can go and paint custom mugs. Ever wanted to see what it looks like to paint ‘fuck you’ on a mug?”

Sharon is pretty sure she’s fucking everything up.

But Steve laughs.

“You can....you can do that?”

“Of course you can,” Sharon says. “Let me show you some stuff...”

Steve is taught the worst and best of American pop culture. He hates rock music for now.

“I’m down the hall, the first room on your left,” Sharon says. “Don’t hesitate to knock for anything. I know you will need things, do not tell me you are fine. You’re not a good actor yet.”

He breaks a wall. A fucking wall. It’s the one leading into her room, and luckily her bed wasn’t against it. He’s covered in dust and wood and plaster, and he speaks a litany of apologies.

Sharon can’t help it.

She laughs.

“Only you would make sure we had a shared apartment,” she says.

“I can fix it I know it isn’t proper--”

“I don’t care about proper,” Sharon says. “At least now I can keep a closer eye on you. We’ll have SHIELD do some renovation work while I show you potentially the worst or best places you will ever go.”

Steve gets a tour of DC. He remembers when there were stories and pictures of President Woodrow Wilson’s sheep “mowing” the lawn. He’s surprised at all the security measures, and is not happy that there is more security on public transit.

“We can still break in if you want,” Sharon says. “But I’ll get you a pass.”

“It’s the future and it sucks,” Steve mutters.

Sharon laughs out loud at that.

“Well I’ll show you something that doesn’t suck, and that is a restaurant that I only take few people to, such as Agent Barton. You’ll meet him later, he’s a real disaster.”

Steve loves the burger place and all of its seedy decorations and kitschy photos of old celebrities visiting.

Sharon takes him grocery shopping. He’s overwhelmed.

“How are there more than one type of orange? How can you afford them?”

“We get good pay from SHIELD,” Sharon answers. “Tell me, have you ever had a strawberry margarita?”

“What?”

“Adding to cart,” Sharon answers. “You’re about to enjoy alcohol, finally.”

“Peggy tell you I hate it?”

“Just figured you would,” Sharon says. “She said the only time she saw you drink was when Bucky disappeared.”

It’s sad after that. Steve’s shoulders hunch in on themselves.

“You ever lost someone?” Steve asks.

“I am,” Sharon says quietly. “Do you want to make a pie?”

“What?”

“I’m going with no,” Sharon answers back. “We’ll make good brownies then.”

Steve’s frame is hilariously slim when you wrap an apron around it. Sharon can’t see she doesn’t admire it.

“This is amazing,” Steve says.

“Quit licking the batter,” Sharon says. “We have to eat these, you heathen.”

“Oh, like you’ll die from it,” Steve answers back sarcastically. “I was frozen for seventy years, I wanna lick batter.”

Sharon nods.

He doesn’t want to see a therapist. Insists he’s fine.

Sharon gestures to the wall that is now tastefully decorated with curtains.

“...fine. But if I don’t like it I’m leaving.”

“Would never force you to stay,” Sharon says. “Keep in mind one therapist is not your end-all solution. Sometimes you need to look around.”

“Do you...?”

“Yup,” Sharon says. “Can’t be as sexy as I am without a few issues that need working on.”

Eventually, Steve finds one.

He shows Sharon his world. He shows her records that he keeps buying off online sites, the player that he swears he can fix up.

“We could probably get you a functional gramophone if you wanted,” Sharon says. “Like yeah it’ll be expensive but we can do it.”

“I want one that’s well-loved,” Steve says. “One with character.”

Not for the first time does Sharon smile.

They sit together at dinner sometimes, and Steve tells her about what Brooklyn used to be, and she tells him stories of how she would climb trees until she couldn’t go any higher, and she used to memorize all of the cassettes and CDs that her parents had. She could still sing along to ABBA with no prompt.

She makes Steve watch Mamma Mia! after that, laughing as he stares wide-eyed.

“This is incredible.”

Steve looks at Sharon like she’s his world. And in some respects, she is. But he can’t get over how different she is from Peggy. And that’s the damning evidence, isn’t it? That she’s a connection, but she’s...she’s not.

She doesn’t wear red lipstick, doesn’t own any. Told him one day that she looked stupid in it. “I’m unstoppable without it, I don’t need it,” she says, and it feels like there’s something more there.

How she reacts in some ways like Peggy would, but how communicative she is with others. How she laughs and makes sure people are comfortable in the situation. Not that Peggy wasn’t any of that, but she was focused on getting to the end, to proving that it was a success. Sharon wanted the same thing, but what mattered was that people were okay.

He doesn’t stay with Sharon all the time. She encourages him to get out “into the big, bad, scary world.”

She meant interacting with college art students, which is quite scary. He agrees. He thinks it’s very cool that you can dye your hair now, and buys the shittiest dye ever.

He dyes his hair blue and accidentally smears some down his neck. He shivers as Sharon traces her hand down, laughing.

“Oh my god. Steve, what did you do?”

“Marcy in my class has pink hair, I wanted to dye my hair!” Steve says defensively. “You left me bored.”

Sharon smiles up at him.

(What would it be like to wrap his arms around her? To hold her and let the universe pass them by?)

He shakes his head out of the thought.

“Ooh, showing off the hair?” Sharon asks, grinning.

“Of course.”

“Nerd,” she teases. “Well come on, I got some ice cream from the store. Your favorite which is disgustingly basic, but here we are.”

“It’s basic for a reason, it’s good,” Steve teases right back. “Need to ask you about my new art project.”

“Shoot.”

“I need to draw someone. And you’re basically the only person I really, um, want to draw.”

“What, afraid that you can’t capture Coulson’s strong personality on paper?” Sharon asks wryly. Steve snorts.

“Oh yeah, his vivacity would fly off the page. Really and honestly, truly.”

“Well, what do I need to do?”

“It has to be a stylized portrait from any historical era,” Steve answers. “And I already have the materials and stuff, we just need to go shopping for some clothing and stuff. Maybe accessories.”

“Okay.”

Sharon thinks her heart is absolutely stupid for beating this fast. It’s been doing this more recently.

Natasha keeps making fun of her.

Steve wants to do a Baroque style, over-the-top goddess style. He has her dripping in drapery and gold chains, thin as can be. He delicately sets a crown that he weaved into her hair.

“You look gorgeous,” he says, blinking. “Just...wow.”

“All thanks to the cute artist,” Sharon flirts back, winking. “Tell me how you want me.”

Silence after that.

But Steve positions her reclining, and she can’t stop herself from raising an eyebrow at him.

“I feel ridiculous, just so you know.”

“You look great, if that’s any connotation.”

“It could be.”

She smiles at him, and that’s the winning expression. “Hold please.”

Sharon tries her best, stilling. Benefit of SHIELD training. She can stay still for hours. Her smile, however, moves.

This is fine. Steve smiles back.

“Break time,” he announces a couple of hours later. Sharon sags on the couch, swinging her legs over.

She overestimates her abilities and the fabric, as one foot gets caught and she falls forward.

Steve’s catching her in a flash. She grins.

“Being my hero, huh?”

“Of course,” Steve says. “Where would I be if I didn’t save the pretty lady?”

Sharon smiles, leans closer.

“Can I...I wanna kiss you.”

Steve blinks. Goes for it.

Sharon smiles into it.

Months later, when everything’s going to shit and Natasha asks if that’s the first kiss he’s had since 1945, he smiles to himself.

“No, it’s not,” he tells her. “You knew that, didn’t you?”

Natasha smiles to herself.

“Sharon’s not gonna be mad at me, is she?”

“Of course not,” Steve says. “Especially after I tell her I convinced you to wear these terrible shoes.”

“Hey!”

When he wakes up at the hospital, Sharon’s standing at the side and Sam’s sitting down.

“On your left,” Steve pants out.

“You--” Sam hangs his head, laughing. “You got me on that one. Got your shield. We don’t know where Barnes is. Your girl is here, by the way. Gotta say, you got lucky.”

“Damn right I did,” Steve says weakly. Sharon waves. Steve tries to wave.

“You got thrown from a Helicarrier, don’t,” Sharon says. She sends Sam off with a goodbye hug and a promise to deliver some dessert as a thank-you.

She looks at Steve.

“You have so much explaining to do. So much. But later.” She takes his hand, kissing it softly. “I was terrified.”

“So was I.”

They sit like that for a moment. Steve turns, seeing the bandage around her arm.

“What’s that?”

“Rumlow’s a bastard with a knife, played dirty,” Sharon says. “It’s nothing. He got crushed under a building. Karma, you know. Whole thing.”

Steve laughs. Winces. Sharon puts her hand over his.

“Get some rest,” she says. “I’ll be back tomorrow to visit and evaluate if you can go home or not.”

“I’ll be fine.”

Sharon rolls her eyes.

“Of course you are.”

She presses a kiss to his forehead.

“I love you, honey. Stay safe.”

“You too.” He squeezes her hand.

Things will be okay.

#HOLY FUCKING SHIT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS SO FUCKIGN LONG. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO #peggy carter #sharon carter #steve rogers #clint barton #yes clint is her bff yes i do what i want #of course i do what would you have expected #lovelyirony writes #any single time jess (not me) requests a prompt from me i just HAVE to go feral #staron

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wallbrat · 5 years ago

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Felicia

I Intro I read a lot. I research. I pay attention to the news. I do a lot of fact checking. I have 10 to 15 news sources and the news I pay attention to is domestic and international. I spend hours fact checking because people lie. I also make mistakes. If you can prove to me, logically, that I’m wrong, I’ll admit it, apologize and write a retraction. Keep all of this in mind as you continue. II History I’m a student of history. My favorite periods are Ancient and Medieval, however, I’ll read about any period. I spent a few years digging into WWII because my Grandfathers served then. For the last few months I’ve been focused on WWI and the Spanish Flu. The H1N1 virus got it’s nickname not because of where it originated. Spain was neutral and wasn’t under media censorship like the countries fighting the war. Anything detracting from the war effort was not allowed so the news you saw then was not impartial. Spain, however, reported on a disease that was killing people. While H1N1 impacted us in 1918 and 1919, there were reports of it back in 1915. Yes, our government knew about it and restricted the information because of the war effort. The H1N1 virus hit America in three waves, the second wave being the worst. A deadlier strain of H1N1 surfaced and was spread by the massive troop movements of the war. It’s been said that the dropping of the quarantine restrictions are what caused the second wave and that’s incorrect. While it was a small factor, the troop movements are what spread the new strain. The cramped conditions and the malnutrition among the soldiers hastened the spread. It’s estimated that 500 million people died from H1N1. While that doesn’t sound devastating today, in 1918 that was about one third of the world population. The transmission vectors for H1N1 and Covid-19 are similar and a century of time doesn’t tend to change that. While we lack the troop movements and the conditions of WWII, we more than make up for that with our transportation technology. If that technology had been present in 1918, the death toll would have been much higher. We’ve been extremely lucky so far, yet stupidity is attempting to alter that. III Rampant Stupidity Why do we refuse to learn from the mistakes of the past? We have people protesting, with loaded guns, because they want a hair cut. Instead of throwing these morons in jail, they are allowed to continue in their stupidity. I have a few questions for these paragons of questionable intelligence. Where did you get your medical degrees? What? You don’t have medical degrees? OK. Then your Google Fu must be strong. What? You didn’t use Google? Where are you getting your information then? Ahh, I see. It all becomes clear to me now. This is not about politics and it never has been. These shining examples of American arrogance are simply angry because they’re being told what to do. They think they know more than the experts and they rage against any kind of restriction. Instead of doing what they need to do to protect their families and themselves, they prove their stupidity by endangering everyone around them. If people are still wondering why I view humanity as a failed experiment, this is a perfect example. IV The CDC I'm not a doctor and I don't play one on TV. They have advanced degrees that qualify them to advise us on disease, contrary to what some might choose to believe. Science is fact. Disbelief of science does not invalidate it. In the middle of a pandemic, these are the people I'm going to listen to. Our politicians have no more training in this than I do and out President is less than worthless. To the idiots protesting: No. Your Google Fu is not strong. You're not a scientist or a doctor of anything. If you won't protect others by doing what you're told then stay away from me an mine. I'm 54 years old with a stressed immune system. I follow what's been laid down because I refuse to put you at risk. I could be asymptomatic, meaning I could have the virus and have no symptoms. Having no symptoms does not entitle me to disregard the advice of the experts. Your Pastor or Priest is no more an expert than you are. Some churches ignored the restrictions and what happened to them? Many got sick and others died that may not have if they had done what they were told. V Trumpus Defectus To be clear, our president is neither insane or damaged. He simply doesn't care about you. As long as you vote for him, you could die immediately after casting that vote. He's a billionaire and you're not therefore you're beneath his notice. You don't care about the feelings of a bug when you step on it and that's all you are to him. He's been trained that way since birth. Most of the other billionaires are just like him, he's simply in the public spotlight. Most of the older politicians are no better than he is. They've been bought and paid for decades ago. The sooner we realize that we're nothing more than voting numbers to them, the sooner we can actually make our votes mean something. VI The Economy Money is nothing but ones and zeros in a computer. The dollar is worth what those computers say it is. The economy should have been shut down completely, No money, no revenue, no bills yet everything continues. We could have stayed home, ordered what we needed until this virus burns itself out. Afterwards we could have restarted things, there would have been no penalties and everyone would have been fine. If we had done that it would have restructured the economy, which is exactly why it wasn't done. Another option would have been to turn all of the billionaires into millionaires. Take everything that the filthy rich have, above $500 million, and use it to pay the American people to stay home. We don't need billionaires or the class distinctions they create. It's obvious why this wasn't done. VII Mental Restructuring Since I can't give our country the mental ass kicking it so desperately needs I have to focus inwards. While I'd like to say that this is by choice, it was forced by recent events. Few things are more painful than discovering, or feeling, that you're insignificant in the scheme of things. During a pandemic, our focus should, understandably, on our families and ourselves. Survival is paramount. Understanding that, with the exception of two people, I've done all of the reaching out to make sure that people are OK. These are the same two people that poke ate me if I've been quiet for too long so I wasn't surprised that they reached out first. I'm not a needy, whiny bastard. I'm fairly self-sufficient, I can order what I need and I'm a fairly good cook. Pumpkin, Onyx and I are fine alone, especially since I'm not a big fan of humanity in general. I love certain people but humanity, as a whole, is a lost cause. I didn't reach out for personal connection. I did it see how my friends were doing mentally. The Covid-19 situation has been tough on everyone, especially those of us with mental illnesses. I'm 54 years old with ADHD, Anxiety, Depression and three hernias requiring surgery, which explains the stressed immune system. If it wasn't for the fact that my meds had been increased a month or two before this happened, this situation would have broken me. Two people checking up on me would not have been enough to stop me from imploding. I would have been reduced to a gibbering mess because of the stress or I'd be dead. I'm fine because I noticed a couple of things about five months ago and I consulted my doctor about it. Most people in this situation aren't as lucky as I am, which is why I reach out. Having only two people that bothered to make sure I was OK was eye opening. I'm forced to reevaluate why certain people are in my life and who remains. VIII Bye, Felicia This has honestly been coming for a long time. There are people that only contact me when they want something, usually money. There are others that don't do anything. It's past time to do some pruning. I don't like giving up on people which is why I've avoided this for so long. There are some that are immune to this. My three adoptive sisters in my local area and the ones I love who are out of state. CA, WA, CO, UT, WI, WY, LA, TN, TX, GA, NJ, NY, NH and MD. Wow. Apparently I love more people than I thought I did. They know who they are. If not then they aren't paying attention. If I contact you or interact with you, in any fashion other than work, then I probably love you. Toxic people are leaving as I can't afford to keep them around. Stupidity is also making an exit. Stupidity is Willful Ignorance so why would I want them around to begin with? I have a perfect example of both. There's a post circulating on Facecrack. This one states that the plight of the jews in the Nazi concentration camps is comparable to the Covid-19 quarantine. An old friend shared that on my timeline. If he had been anyone else, I would have deleted and blocked him without hesitation. The only reason he remains is that I've known him for 38 years. I'm waiting to see what he does next. Student of history, remember? I studied WWII in depth so that means that I know more about the concentration camps than most people. The jews were herded there a variety of ways, primarily by train. They were tortured, experimented on, starved, brutalized, a huge number of them were gassed to death and those are actually the high points. It was much worse than I'll ever be able to properly describe and in no way is it even remotely similar to our quarantine. Freedom of speech does not mean freedom from consequence. We're all free to say anything that we want to. We just need to be prepared for the repercussions that arise. If anyone else is stupid enough to share something like that on my timeline, or share it any other place that I can see, they are gone. No questions asked. All anyone needs to do to understand the difference between the two situations is to read a US history book that covers WWII. Posting crap like means that you're choosing to ignore basic evidence. I have no room for anyone like that so Bye, Felicia. IX Best vs Worst This situation can bring out the best or worst in people. You can rise to the occasion or you can sink into depravity. There are plenty of example of both around us. I'm working from home. My bills remain paid. My cats and I are fed and safe. I choose to help where I can. While it's true that I have little faith in humanity, that doesn't mean that I have to circle the drain with the rest of them. I will always try to help those around me. I've been extremely fortunate during this and that should be shared with those that are struggling. This is going to get worse before it gets better. I hope I'm wrong yet there are reports of increases in the infection rate where businesses are being reopened. The last thing we need is a second wave but I'm afraid it may happen. X Dystopia I look around and I have to wonder if we're ever going to grow up as a species. We keep making the same mistakes decade after decade. It's a wonder that we haven't blown ourselves off of the planet. The truth is that this is already a Dystopian society. It's not as bad as the examples we see in movies and on TV yet we are moving towards that. Compared to 20 years ago, we have less privileges now than we did then. We gave them away in exchange for the illusion of safety. We have privileges, not rights. Rights don't exist and are simply an invention to make us feel superior. If it can be taken away, it's a privilege. XI Conclusion While that last part was a little darker than I intended, it is true. I write, primarily, to relieve stress and to clear out my head. It gets pretty cramped in there otherwise. While this won't win me any friends, I may actually post this. My life needs some simplifying anyway. Namaste

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lokigodofaces · 5 years ago

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Something I just realized

This is all based off the MCU movies, but if you have something to add based off of comics or whatever other media, please show me. I'm a typography nerd and I wanna know.

In 1945, the first commercially produced ballpoint pen began replacing the then common fountain pen.

Steve and Bucky used fountain pens.

This is important because of how fountain pens work.

To keep this short and not get into too much of my nerdy typography knowledge, the way a fountain pen is designed, you would not be able to read something if it was written in print unless you were a skilled calligraphist because every time you put the tip on paper, a bunch of ink goes out. So with print, there would be too many ink blotches. That's why old documents are written in cursive, because all ink using utensils before the ballpoint pen would do this.

Because of this, Steve and Bucky grew up using cursive whenever writing in ink. They would write in print with pencil (which were made in 1795 by a French scientist for the French military under Napolean, fun fact and more evidence I know way too much about typography).

So now I'm wondering how they write in the 21st century. We see Steve's list of things to catch up on in TWS, which is written in print. From the looks of it, Steve is using a ballpoint pen. We never get to see Bucky's handwriting, I don't think so, but we do know that he writes a ton as Sebastian Stan said that he filled journals with anything he could remember. But, considering the nerd I am, I wanna take a guess at their handwriting habits.

There are three options I see: (1) they write in cursive mainly, (2) they write in print mainly, (3) it's a bit more complicated.

I'll mostly talk about Steve's handwriting since we actually see it and have evidence, but I'll put in my headcanon about Bucky's as well.

At least with ink, they write in cursive mainly. They might possibly even write mainly in cursive with pencil. There would be instances when they write in print, but typically it's cursive.

At least with Steve, this is most likely proven inaccurate. With a list like the one he carries, I would assume he would write in cursive if this were the case. It's a list for only him to see, so he doesn't have to worry about people not being able to read cursive, and he would be more comfortable writing in cursive. It wouldn't take as long either. It might be slightly messy cursive since it's quite hard to write in cursive without something hard behind it, but it would be more suitable than print. I also doubt that this would be the case with Bucky (more info on that later).

We all know people that absolutely hate cursive. I know more people that hate cursive than like it. Nowadays, it matters less whether you like cursive or not. It's been about 70 years since it was a necessity. While there still are benefits to writing in cursive (I've already ranted too much about typography, so I won't list the benefits, but you can ask me later and I'll tell you), there are less benefits than 70 years ago, which is why lots of people are speaking against cursive in the millennial and gen z generations.

So, growing up, Steve and Bucky might have hated cursive, but had to use it because it was practical. But now that print has increasing in practicality with the release of the ballpoint pen, they don't need to write in cursive. They could switch to print and literally no one would care.

Or, maybe they didn't care about using cursive growing up because it was practical. But now that there is less reasoning to using cursive in this century, they eventually switched over to print for the sake of practicality. Which is a good explanation for Steve's list in TWS. A short list he'd add to occasionally quickly while typically standing up. Print would work fine.

But I still prefer the final explanation for the two of them.

Okay, penmanship is complicated for modern cursive users like myself. Most of us made a conscious decision to use cursive for whatever reason, whether they want to reap one of the benefits or because they find it aesthetically pleasing. Other than third grade when you're forced to write in cursive, no one cares. So we get into weird writing habits.

Last year, I had a teacher with dyslexia. I almost always wrote in print because I wanted him to be able to easily read my work. This expanded outside of that class on accident. In my math and physics class now, I'll write in modified print. Mostly print, but a few letters like a, x, l, t, etc, are in cursive. This is because when I write algebra I write a in cursive because my a in print is like the a in Times New Roman, which can be confused for a 2, printed x can be confused for ×, the multiply sign, printed l can be confused for 1, and printed t can be confused for + plus sign. I attach some classes with cursive somehow, like my cooking class and seminary class. Some, like APUSH and Spanish, depend on the day. Outside of school, in my fanfic outline notebooks, the first word determines it. If the first word is print, the entire section will be print. Heck, one section is in full caps because of this. But if a page or section has two types of writing, it drives me insane unless there is a purpose behind it (calligraphy artwork). I don't remember the last time I wrote cursive with pencil. I also write in cursive more often with gel pens than ballpoint. Most of us have weird things like that.

I personally think that Steve and Bucky have something similar. They're transitioning from a primarily cursive world to a primarily print one. They don't need to write in cursive anymore, but they might still do it out of habit in some instances.

To make this simple, let's say that roughly half the time they use cursive and the other half print. Some circumstances might be better for print, like Steve's list. He's writing quickly while standing up, print is practical. The two could have any other set of penmanship habits, who knows?

I know this is something literally no one has wondered about, and I know way too much about typography, but this sort of stuff is fascinating to me. I'm the type of person that's overly excited because I got a new pen yesterday. So, yeah, hopefully y'all enjoyed this rant about this very useless topic.

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themostrandomfandom · 6 years ago

Note

Hi! I found your blog the TKTD, and that fic and your theories have highkey gotten me back into glee :D your content is so interesting, thank you so much! I haven't read all of your analyses yet, so I may have missed something, but I'm still wondering a couple things 1. why did Brittany fail senior year? You've written a lot about her not being dumb (despite her intelligence being non-normative), and we know she's able to do at least very advanced math. It seems like her primary goal would be...

To move to the next stage of life with Santana, so why wasn’t avoiding failing out a bigger priority for her? Furthermore, as someone who was so involved with extracurriculars (Cheerios, glee), she must’ve needed to maintain reasonable grades to avoid academic suspension. So avoiding failing seems like something that would be on her radar? and 2. do you think brittany dropped the ‘if sex were dating santana and i would be dating’ line on purpose?

Hey, @savealtonrichards!

Sorry it’staken me so long to answer you! I don’t have much internet access these days.:p

If you’re infor a good ramble, it’s under the cut.

(WARNING:Here be griping about Glee writing—as one does.)

___

First thingsfirst:

Theout-of-universe stuff.

Glee is a show that’s difficult to categorize because while it ostensibly takes place withina realistic fictional universe (as opposed to say a fantasy or science fictionone), there are times when it noticeably deviates from reality.

Though thecharacters seemingly live in suburban Ohio in the early 2010s and areregular human beings living “regular lives,” there are certain aspects of theirexistences that absolutely strain credulity (even when one actively tries tosuspend disbelief).

Some ofthese breaches are obvious, like when Lord Tubbington is shown as being capableof using a computer. However, others manifest more as gaps in logic—the typesof minor “glitches” in believability that cause the viewing audience to go,“Wait a minute. That’s not how that plot development would play out in reallife.”

One exampleof this second type of breach is how between S4 and S6, the young charactersliving in New York, most of whom are supposedly tight on money, arenevertheless able to jet set back and forth to Lima seemingly every otherweekend, as if plane and train tickets are free and travel takes no time orenergy at all. Another is that Sue Sylvester could do all of the illegal,immoral, and just flat-out batshit insane things she does without ever being firedor prosecuted. Still another is that nineteen and twenty year-old kids likeBlaine, Finn, and Sam could be hired to coaching positions at their respectivehigh school alma maters, even though none of them holds a college degree orteaching certificate.

The breachin realism that is pertinent to our discussion has to do with Brittany’sacademic history—which as depicted in show canon is replete with gaps and holesand just doesn’t make much sense.

In episode1x07, we are told that for years Sue has been doctoring the grades of herCheerios, including perhaps Brittany’s. However, even after Will puts his footdown and flunks many of their teammates, the Unholy Trinity, including Brittany,continues to attend Cheerios practice. They are the only Cheerios who do.

How theyalone of the whole squad retain their academic eligibility is not clear.Santana may not be taking Spanish, as she’s not shown in the class. However,Quinn and Brittany most definitely are, so either they must be passing (whiletheir teammates are not) or else Will must have decided against giving them thefailing grades they would otherwise deserve, perhaps because he doesn’t want torender them ineligible for glee club.

WillSchuester is nothing if not a hypocrite, so honestly I wouldn’t put it past himto walk that particular low road.

In any case,the show never really clarifies to what extent Brittany may rely on Sue tomaintain a passing GPA.

ThroughoutS1, Brittany is reported to cheat off of Becky’s schoolwork in math class (seeepisode 1x09) and is shown attempting to cheat off of Quinn’s tests in Spanishclass (see episode 1x07), incidents which suggest that she does at timesstruggle with academic performance during her sophomore year.

However, herstruggles are not explored in depth, and her continued eligibility for theCheerios would indicate that either she somehow manages to make passing grades,struggles notwithstanding, or else that interference from Sue renders herstruggles moot.

Kurt alsoreports that Finn sometimes cheats off of Brittany’s math assignments (seeepisode 1x10). We don’t know if this cheating represents an isolatedincident or a pattern of behavior. However, if it’s the second option, then given that Finn maintains his academiceligibility for football even after having cheated off Brittany’s work, andconsidering that, unlike with Brittany, Sue is unlikely to have doctored Finn’sgrades, we can perhaps surmise that Brittany at least occasionally managesto earn passing grades on her own.

Even if Sueis pulling strings to keep Brittany on the field, come S2, the situationchanges, as in episode 2x11 Brittany quits Cheerios, at which point whatever“help” Sue had been giving her is almost certainly rescinded.

Shortlythereafter, in episode 2x13, Brittany remarks that hergrades are bad (“Totally. Most teachers think that by cutting class, I mightimprove my grades”), perhaps suggesting a drop-off due to a cessation in Sue’shelp.

Even so, it would still seem that Brittany isn’t altogether failing, asshe apparently passes the eleventh grade and commences thetwelfth grade with the rest of her class.

The shownever specifies to what extent Brittany and the other glee kids must maintaintheir grades in order to stay in show choir. On the one hand, glee club is notan athletic program, so the rules for eligibility may be different than withcheerleading or football. On the other hand, glee club is seemingly anextracurricular activity in which students may “letter,” and it does have itsown governing board and competition requirements, so perhaps its eligibilityrequirements are similar or even identical to those for prep sports. To whatextent there may be “house rules” specific to WMHS as opposed to district orstatewide rules for all competitive show choirs remains unclear.

My guess isthat there’s got to be some kind of statewide threshold for eligibility,particularly as we’re told, per Jesse St. James, that the Carmel High kids in VocalAdrenaline cheat and doctor their grades in order to maximize their practicetime and minimize their schoolwork.

Whatever thespecific requirements may be, the fact that Brittany remains eligible toparticipate in glee club throughout her junior year is another point that maysuggest that even without Sue’s interference Brittany maintains a passing GPA. ThatBrittany is eligible to rejoin the Cheerios come her senior year also suggeststhat her eligibility remains intact as she finishes out the eleventh grade.

However,things seem to take a sudden downshift from there, both in terms of Brittany’sprospects and in terms of narrative sense-making.

Come S3, we arefinally told that Brittany has a 0.0 GPA, though it’s never specified if that’sher semester, yearlong, or cumulative GPA. My guess is that it’s the secondoption, given that Brittany is told she must repeat the twelfth grade (asopposed to just making up a few credits during summer school or repeating multiplegrades).

That said,the situation surrounding her failure remains murky.

Prior to S3,Brittany has seemingly maintained a passing GPA, as is evidenced by heraforementioned progress through her freshman, sophomore, and junior years ofhigh school and her continued academic eligibility to participate in Cheeriosand glee club.

However, theshow never reveals how she has come by this passing GPA.

Our threemain options for explaining this phenomenon seem to be:

We can infer that Sue hasmanipulated Brittany’s grades in order to keep her academically eligible forvarsity sports.

We can infer that Brittanyhas achieved passing grades through her own efforts.

We can infer that perhaps somecombination of the above two options has taken place (i.e., that Sue hasmanipulated some of her grades, while others she earned through her ownefforts).

On the onehand, the show heavily implies that Brittany is a very poor student who wouldprobably be incapable of passing her classes if not for Sue manipulating thesystem on her behalf. On the other hand, given that Brittany maintains academiceligibility for Cheerios even when Will flunks many of her teammates in hersophomore year AND that she spends a significant portion of her junior year offthe Cheerios and still manages to pass, it would seem that Brittany is able tomake grades even during the times when Sue isn’t propping her up.

The questionsthen become: If Brittany can pass the eleventh grade “on her own,” then whydoes she fail the twelfth grade? Furthermore, how come Brittany is allowed toremain on the Cheerios and in glee club even once her grades start slipping?Why does her failure only come to light after it is essentially too late forher (or anyone else) to do anything about the problem? How come Sue, who hasnever had any qualms about manipulating her cheerleaders’ grades in the past,seemingly “allows” Brittany to fail her senior year? How come not a singleteacher or counselor at WMHS makes any efforts to help Brittany, even thoughshe is obviously struggling?

After all, Brittany’s 0.0 GPA seems to be a reflection of a chronic problem.

The firsttime we hear about said failing GPA is in episode 3x19, which is the sameepisode that features the WMHS senior prom.

For mostAmerican public high schools, prom takes place anywhere between March and June,which means that somehow Brittany is allowed to fail for at least one or two fullsemesters (or, more likely, given that many Midwestern American public schoolstend to run on the quarter system, two or even three full quarters) before Figgins tells her what’s up.

The school thenseemingly takes no action—at least as we see play out on screen—to helpBrittany course-correct for the final semester or two quarters of her senioryear.

She’s notput on academic monitoring or probation. She’s not assigned a tutor. MissPillsbury doesn’t set up any meetings with her to discuss her options or determineher future. No one writes her an IEP. She just crashes and burns until the endof the year, at which point she fails to graduate.

It strainscredulity that in today’s day and age Brittany could flunk out as “quietly” asshe did, without anyone—including her parents, coaches, guidance counselor,and/or girlfriend—realizing she was in trouble at any point along the way.

Where werethe midterm progress reports? The report cards? The summonses to MissPillsbury’s office? The failed tests that required the signature of her parent orguardian? Santana glimpsing an F on her Spanish essay and ripping Mr. Schue agoddamn new one because who is he to tell Brittany she isn’t conjugating verbsright when he can’t tell his own ass from an ñ?

Shouldn’tsomeone somewhere along the way have noticed something was wrong while therewas still time enough left to do something about it—and particularlyconsidering that Brittany is not only a student but a student athlete?

Per the OhioHigh School Athletic Association, a student must earn “passing grades in aminimum of five one-credit courses, or the equivalent, in the immediatelypreceding grading period” of athletic competition in order to be eligible toparticipate in a varsity sport, so in theory, after she fails that first term,Brittany shouldn’t be able to compete as part of the Cheerios squad at all, letalone be one of the senior leaders.

For therecord, the real life school districts in Lima, OH require a minimum GPAbetween 2.5 and 3.0 for student athletes.

One has towonder: Where is Sue in all this? How come she doesn’t intervene once she seesthat first bad report card?

After all,Sue has no qualms concerning academic dishonesty. By her own admission, she’s meddledwith her cheerleaders’ grades for years. Why shouldn’t she simply meddle in this case, too? Wouldn’tit be in her best interest to keep Brittany eligible to compete?

Come S4, Sueherself blames a “haze of pregnancy hormones” for preventing her from noticingBrittany’s S3 academic nosedive (see episode 4x02). Another contributory factor to her negligence may be her vicious congressionalcampaign against Reggie Salazar and Burt Hummel.

However,that Sue would allow Brittany to fail still presents a narrative problem, nomatter what her excuses for doing so may be, because the fact remains that academiceligibility is an issue that extends beyond her sole purview.

OnceBrittany fails the first academic quarter of the 2011-2012 schoolyear, shebecomes ineligible to compete in interscholastic competitions. The issue is outof Sue’s hands and into those of the Ohio High School Athletic Association.Some state official somewhere has the responsibility to mark her fileand bar her from any further participation in state cheer events.

—and yetthat never happens.

Somehow,Brittany remains a cheerleader (and member of the glee club) for the duration of the schoolyear, despite not passing a single class.

It’s one ofthose lapses in believability—those “Wait a minute. That’s not how thatdevelopment would happen in real life” instances—that takes Glee out of the realmof passingly realistic fiction and into the realm of exaggeration and camp.

There’s noway that Brittany could fail an entire year of school without facing anyacademic consequences—that’s just not the way that the American school systemworks, particularly when it comes to athletic eligibility.

How comeFiggins only notes Brittany’s failures in springtime? What is going on during the fall and winter?

For the record, episode 3x19 originally aired on May 8th, 2012. Within the universe of the show, the action of the episode may take place on the same date or at least a proximal one.

By allaccounts, someone somewhere along the way should notice what’s going on—if nota faculty member at Brittany’s own school, then some official on an athleticeligibility committee, or a college cheerleading coach scouting Brittany for anNCAA scholarship, or an auditor working for the superintendent, or a rivalcheerleading coach digging for dirt on Sue Sylvester’s stars.

Someone!

But no onedoes.

I mean,that’s what the show purports.

Figgins knows enough to inform Brittany thatshe’s failing, but he doesn’t do anything to help the situation except to lectureher for neglecting her duties as the senior class president and badger her intoplanning the prom.

Will and Emma, too focused on rescuing Puck from a similarfate, seemingly remain either oblivious to or unconcerned about Brittany’sacademic woes until she’s on the verge of failing her SECOND consecutive senioryear in S4.

And Santana? She’s blindsided. Somehow, even though she andBrittany take classes together and meet up during every passing block and spendall of their spare time in each other’s company outside of school, she has noidea that Brittany is in academic jeopardy—not until Brittany springs the newson her at BreadStix just before what should be their joint graduation.

Not untilit’s too late.

That’s canonas TPTB at Glee wrote it.

It makes nogoddamn sense, but it’s what we’re stuck with.

So.

Onto thesecond order of business, then:

Thein-universe stuff.

Returning toyour original questions: Why does Brittany fail her senior year—from asituational and character perspective? How come she doesn’t work harder not tofail?

Though earlyon, Glee at times tried to play Brittany off as an accidental or even dubiousgenius—such as in the scene in episode 4x22 where she’s first shown solvingcomplex equations for the researchers at MIT—they later fully committed to herprodigy, acknowledging it as the real deal.

By episode5x12, Baby Girl is shown as being capable of tackling the Riemann Hypothesis.Her work at MIT is serious. By S6, she’s doing complex math for fun, albeitwith kitty doodles drawn in the margins. The Brittany of episodes 6x03, 6x06,and 6x08 is able to slip in facts and impressive logical arguments alongsideher usual Brittanyisms and one-liners. Her intelligence is no longer subject todebate.

So what’sthe deal with her flunking out of high school? How can someone capable ofprocessing the most complicated calculus there is fail at high school algebra?

Here’s thething: While Brittany is indeed a certified math genius, there’s not always aneat one-to-one correlation between “raw intelligence” and “academicsuccess.”

Lots offolks who are plenty bright—including many who have impressive naturalaptitudes in certain areas—fail in traditional classroom settings, even inclasses that by all accounts they “should be good at.”

Some havebehavioral tendencies that are incompatible with the classroom culture. Others findthe course materials boring, either because they already know the materialbeing taught or else because the material is being taught in a way that isn’tconducive to their learning style. Still others learn at a different pace thanwhat the curriculum may allow for, working either faster or slower. Many simplytest poorly or have trouble focusing. Organizational issues, language barriers,home circumstances (which may interfere with one’s ability to complete homeworkor come to class rested and ready to learn), individual teacher-studentdynamics, problems with bullying at school, health or disability factors, etc.,etc. may also affect one’s ability to “make grades.”

Many of thesmartest people there are have failed in formalized academic settings. Conversely,many people of average or even below average aptitudes have found ways tosucceed in the classroom. Other factors such as one’s work ethic, connection toteachers and mentors, support networks, accommodations, etc. can also impacteducational success.

In Brittany’scase, there are myriad reasons why, despite her certified genius, she fails herclasses.

For onething, WMHS is a substandard learning environment, just to start out with.

Theatmosphere there is toxic. Bullying runs rampant, with the staff either whollyapathetic toward, powerless to intervene in, or even sometimes party to theperpetuation thereof.

The administration routinely mismanages its resources,spending an inordinate amount of money to support the cheerleading and footballprograms, though lacking certain other necessities—such as a functional specialeducation department, adequate handicap accommodations, and up-to-datetextbooks.

They also hire teachers who are both underqualified (such as Will,who teaches Spanish for years despite not actually speaking the language) andfrequently abusive (such as Sue, who should literally be serving jail time forthe way she treats the student body).

Multiple times, it’s stated that theirstudents test at below average reading levels.

While only a small percentage ofwhat Sue says should ever be believed, her claims that she doctors the gradesof her Cheerios to maintain their academic eligibility to participate in avarsity sport are seemingly accurate, as Will and Principal Figgins aver that such is this case.

Not a single permanentteacher, principal, or guidance counselor at the school, with perhaps theexception of Coach Beiste, appears competent to do their job.

The hijinks ofvarious staff members and students regularly interfere with the learning day.

Rememberthat old post about JennaB. Lacey, the Hogwarts student who just wants to get a proper education but isconstantly prevented from doing so because she has the misfortune of being inthe same year as one Harry Potter, whose adventures and misadventures areconstantly interrupting her lessons and preempting her exams? Just replace “Harry Potter” with “Rachel Berry” or “SueSylvester,” and you’re basically describing the life of your average WMHSstudent.

Though wedon’t spend a lot of time following the New Directions kids through theirregular classes, the few glimpses that we do get suggest that much of thecurriculum they are subjected to is either outdated or else straight upobjectively incorrect.

While theepisode plays the situation for laughs, Holly Holliday’s points about the sexeducation at WMHS being painfully inadequate aren’t at all off the mark. Mrs.Hagberg seems to experience episodes of dementia while teaching (and is aself-admitted painkiller addict). She frequently forgets her spatiotemporallocation and has on occasion been known to teach that the Nazis won WWII. Will speaksSpanglish and buys into racist stereotypes about Latinos. Sue promulgatesconspiracy theories and unsubstantiated revisionist history, purposefullyspreading misinformation as if she were the White House Press Secretary.

Later on, inS6, it’s shown that a complete overhaul is necessary to update the school’stechnology and curriculum in order for the students to start performing up tostandards on their state tests.

—and there’sBrittany, who learns differently than most people do, stuck in the middle ofall of this chaos.

Honestly,it’s a wonder that any of the kids at WMHS achieve any kind of mainstreamacademic success. That Quinn gets into Yale and Tina into Brown is kind of ascholastic miracle, all things considered.

So she’s upagainst a lot of impediments as barriers to her learning just as a baseline.

Then add inher individual difficulties on top of the other stuff.

Brittany’sis a unique mind. It is unclear to what extent book-learning and traditionaleducation work for her. She has a tendency to metaphorize concepts, suggestingthat she is an abstract thinker. Her flair for malapropisms also intimates thather mind is organized in “webs,” with various like-words grouped together byloose strings of associations. Though she is mathematically intelligent, she isalso emotionally intelligent and physically intelligent, as well.

Early on,her genius seems highly intuitive, as she is able to pull numbers out of theair, though she is not always equally able to explain how or by what means she hasdone so. In time, her methods seem to become more examined and deliberate, withtheory underlining what was once a more reflexive capability.

She isperhaps something of an autodidact, able, for instance, to teach herselfSpanish, though she apparently doesn’t fare well in the class in high school.

Though fewpeople on the show, save Santana, realize as much, she frequently runs abouttwo or three steps ahead of everyone else in terms of her conversations andsocial maneuvers. Her zany quips and seemingly innocent demeanor throw peopleoff, to the point where they don’t pick up on just how wily and keen she canbe.

On the onehand, this phenomenon affords her some social leeway—because, after all, she’sjust “Brittany being Brittany.” On the other hand, it sometimes results inthose who fail to understand her talking down to her, infantilizing her, andblowing her off.

Frequently, both Brittany and the people who engage with herwalk away from their interactions frustrated, Brittany because she’s beencondescended to, her conversation partners because they find herincomprehensible and off-putting.

So.

Considerthat many of her teachers—including Will—seem to be confused by the way shetalks and find her irksome to deal with and so tend to be dismissive of herduring classroom discussions.

Because herintelligence is non-normative, a teacher talking about A subject can get her thinkingoff on a tangent about B subject, C subject, and D subject, and pretty soonshe’ll be blurting out a question or comment about Z subject, which from herteacher’s perspective does not relate to the discussion topic at hand and mayeven derail the lesson, distracting the other students. The teacher then eitherreacts to Brittany’s question or comment with annoyance, shutting her down(such as Ms. Hagberg does in episode 3x02); or reacts with bafflement, ignoring her andglossing over what she’s said (such as Will does in episode 1x10). Either way, Brittanydoesn’t get her questions answered or her comments responded to in aconstructive manner, which means that, invariably, she doesn’t get what sheneeds to out of class.

By the timewe first meet her as a sophomore, Brittany’s reputation as a nuisance and“numbskull” precedes her.

Her teachersmake no effort to hide their low opinions of her intelligence.

In episode2x04, everyone ribs Puck for crashing his mom’s car into an ATM and gettingarrested. Brittany joins in the fun, remarking, “He may be the dumbest personon this planet—and that’s coming from me.” Though the moment is generallyjocular, the fact that Brittany’s teacher Will says nothing to defend her toherself speaks volumes. The incident is also not an isolated one, as later inthe season, in episode 2x17, Will directly questions Brittany’s intelligence toher face (“I get the three of you being on [the Brainiacs], but Brittany?”).

Tack on allthe instances when he responds to Brittany’s comments during rehearsals (andeven her later “cries for help” during S4) with bafflement at best and disdainat worst, plus the way he clearly talks down to her as if she were a youngchild rather than a teenager, and there’s no question that he thinks she’s adolt.

And he’s notthe only member of the WMHS faculty who feels that way, either.

SueSylvester is likewise a serial offender when it comes to calling Brittany dumband infantilizing her. Ditto for Hagberg and Figgins. Though we don’t get tosee Brittany interacting with many other members of the staff aside fromSheldon Beiste, Holly Holliday, and Shelby Corcoran—the last two of whom areonly at the school briefly—it stands to reason that there are other teacherswho share the same negative attitude toward her that the featured teachers do.

At onepoint, Brittany even says that her teachers have told her that her grades mightactually improve if she were to slough her classes.

Brittany’s“stupidity” is widely viewed as a given.

Time andtime again, the show depicts people taking her intelligence for granted andassuming the worst of her capabilities. Such attitudes undoubtedly influencethe way that her teachers approach educating her. If a smart kid like Quinn orArtie isn’t grasping a concept, then teachers will try changing their pedagogyup, teaching the lesson in a different, more effective way. The same is trueeven for an average student like Mercedes. If she’s struggling, a teacher’simpulse will be to show her patience because there’s a good chance thateventually (with some hard work and extra credit) she’ll get it. But not so with Brittany, whom most teachers seem to viewas an idiot. Why slow down a class for her? Why assign different readings? Whytutor her after school? Their assumption is that she is a lost cause.

Sue potentiallydoctoring her grades—and those of the other Cheerios—also exacerbates theproblem.

Thoseteachers who are aware of Sue’s meddling, and especially the ones who have beenbullied by her into being complicit, may feel a lessened sense of obligation toreally teach Brittany or attempt to accurately evaluate her learning because,after all, no matter how Brittany performs, she’s going to be handed a passinggrade in their classes anyway.

Conversely,those teachers who remain unaware of Sue’s meddling may believe that givingBrittany a failing grade will result in meaningful academic consequences forher, which will then lead to her getting the help and attention she needsvis-à-vis the systems that are in place to prevent kids from “falling throughthe cracks.”

Of course,because Sue changes Brittany’s grades after the fact, Brittany never receivesany such help.

The systemsdon’t attend to her. Nothing in her file gets flagged. No one pulls her aside.She just gets passed along from year to year and class to class without anyoneever really taking an interest in her learning.

Either way,she’s left ill-equipped to succeed in high school.

On top ofeverything else, Brittany may also have an undiagnosed learning disability,such as ADHD or ASD. Though of course the show never states that she does havea disability (undiagnosed or not), some neurodivergent fans see in Brittany a kindred spirit whose experiences inthe public school system resemble their own.

It’sdefinitely possible that she could benefit from some accommodations.

But as faras we know, they’re never offered to her—not only because, as we learn from Sueregarding Becky Jackson, WMHS doesn’t offer special education classes, but alsobecause everyone thinks that she’s just “Brittany being Brittany,” and she’s a hopelesscase from the get-go.

So howeversmart Brittany may naturally be, she’s got alot stacked against her at WMHS, including antagonistic teachers, theabysmally low expectations people set for her, Sue’s interference with hergrades (and then the sudden cessation of that interference), her non-normativelearning strategies, and other possible factors.

Add in thatduring her senior year, she’s also dealing with some extra pressures outside ofthe classroom, and what we have is a recipe for a disaster.

Note: Ofcourse, the show deprives us of hearing Brittany talk about the aftermath ofSantana’s outing, suspension, and disowning in her own words, but HeatherMorris’s nonverbal cues show that Brittany’s upset during this period is hardfelt. It’s a stressful time in Brittany’s life, and even after the initialwounds have healed somewhat, Brittany still devotes much of mental andemotional energy to trying to ameliorate the situation, to keep Santana in agood place, to help her smile, and carry on. That’s not to say that Brittana’srelationship or Brittany’s efforts to make Santana happy cause Brittany to failher classes. It’s just to say that Brittany’s senior year is one in which shehas a lot on her mind beyond the regular cares of just being a teenager.

Thesituation as it is, it’s perhaps unsurprising that she should struggle.

However, thequestion still remains: Why doesn’t she ask for help?

No one, includingher parents, teachers, or girlfriend, seems to notice she’s academicallydrowning until it’s too late. But just because they don’t notice on their owndoesn’t mean that Brittany can’t alert them to the situation, right? So whydoesn’t she turn to Mr. Schue and say, “I need some extra help on my historyhomework,” or confide in her parents that she’s just bombed another Englishexam, or ask Santana if they can perhaps study for chemistry class together?Wouldn’t it be in her best interest to do so? Shouldn’t she want to graduate sothat she can get on with her life (and follow Santana)? Why not just reach outto someone?

Easier saidthan done.

Brittany hasspent her whole life being disparaged for “not being smart enough.” Is shereally going to admit she’s struggling to many of the same people who are activelycontributing to her struggles?

Sure,ostensibly, Mr. Schue is her teacher, and he’s supposedly an advocate for her.But can she really turn to someone who has routinely made her feel like anidiot and confess to him that she’s not understanding her classes—andespecially when she’s fully aware that, even if she were to ask him for help,he is probably not the best person to offer it, considering that he’s not actuallya qualified teacher?

The samegoes for Sue, who habitually preys upon Brittany’s vulnerabilities and has beenknown to blackmail students whenever she has any sort of leverage over them.Brittany would have to be an even bigger fool than the one people take her forin order to ask a favor of a megalomaniac of Sue’s caliber.

If Brittanywere to turn to her, the best case scenario would be that she would once againresort to doctoring Brittany’s report card—which is not necessarily an outcomethat Brittany wants. The worst case scenario would be that she would find someway to make Brittany’s life hell for having even approached her.

Brittany has to wonder: Is there any good that could come of prompting Sue totake action if she hasn’t already done so (unprompted) yet?

Not evenEmma is a safe bet, considering that she seems completely oblivious toBrittany’s plight, even though it is literally her job to be on top of it.

She doesn’t pushWill to include Brittany in his Saturday Night Fever competition alongsideFinn, Mercedes, and Santana (see episode 3x16). She isn’t present to participatein the “come to Jesus” meeting Figgins calls Brittany in for before the prom (seeepisode 3x19). Nowhere along the line does she show any concern for Brittany’sGPA, even though she has access to Brittany’s records and presumably has aprofessional imperative to counsel with her concerning her future.

If she can’tbe assed to take an interest in Brittany’s academic struggles even though she’sbeing paid to do so, then Brittany’s not going to beg her to get involved.

Her inactionhas already sent the message loud and clear: Brittany is on her own.

As for whyBrittany doesn’t turn to her parents or Santana for help, things arecomplicated on that side, too.

Since wedon’t know much about Brittany’s relationship with her parents aside from thelittle we see of it in S6, it’s difficult to say why she doesn’t approach themfor help. Maybe she fears disappointing them. Maybe she feels that they won’tunderstand why she’s failing. (They might assume she’s being lazy or goofingoff rather than facing legitimate roadblocks to her learning.) Possibly,they’re dealing with some kind of crisis of their own at the same time thatBrittany realizes that she’s failing, so she doesn’t want to “bother them” withwhat she’s going through. Perhaps she does approach them but they either can’t or won’t helpher.

There’s alsothe possibility that Brittany is reluctant to involve her parents in her issuesbecause she fears the consequences if they find out that Sue has been doctoringher grades for years. How can she explain to them why she’s gone from having apassing (and perhaps even impressive) GPA in years past to having a failing(and even abominable) GPA this year? She’d have to admit that Sue’s been fudgingher report cards to preserve her academic eligibility—and doing so might resultin her parents asking her questions that she doesn’t want to answer.

Either shewould have to say that she had gone along with Sue’s meddling (even though sheknew what Sue was doing was wrong) OR she would have to admit that Sue hasbasically been abusing and blackmailing her and the other Cheerios, making herscared to come forward about the academic dishonesty. The first option oversimplifiesthe situation. The second option is the truth but one that’s probably difficultfor her to cop to.

In any case,for whatever reason, Brittany either doesn’t bring her problems to her parents’attention or she does but they can’t (or won’t) help her.

WithSantana, things are different.

Brittanyknows that if she approaches Santana with her problem, Santana will not onlycare but also understand all of the extenuating circumstances. Santana knowsabout the Sue stuff. She also sees how teachers and other staff members tend toreact to Brittany. She’s fully aware of the injustice. She’s also fully awarethat Brittany’s genius is misunderstood—that Brittany is smart, though her smarts don’t necessarily translate to hertopping the Honor Roll every semester. Santana has the full view of thesituation, and there’s no question that she’d be sympathetic to Brittany’sissues and do everything in her power to get Brittany help, if Brittany justsaid the word.

The troubleis that Brittany doesn’t want to say the word—not when Santana has been dealingwith her own troubles, which, on the whole, from Brittany’s perspective, seem so much bigger and moreagonizing than Brittany’s own.

Brittanycan’t bring herself to interject, “Um, excuse me, Santana, but can we take a break fromdealing with you being outed the entire state of Ohio, suspended from school,disowned by your grandmother, and homophobically bullied so that we can talkabout my algebra test?;” not when she knows that if she points out that she isfailing, Santana will pump the brakes on her own plans and ambitions in orderto stand by her side.

She doesn’twant to hold Santana back when Santana is on her way out of their stifling, gay-bashingtown, onto bigger and better things. She doesn’t want to drag Santana herpersonal turmoil, not when Santana is just finally getting clear from theturmoil in her own.

—andespecially not when Brittany views her own failure as inevitable.

Yeah, shecould tell Santana, and, yeah, Santana would try to move heaven and earth tohelp her. But in the end, there’d be nothing Santana could do. Brittany wouldstill fail, not due to any lagging efforts on Santana’s part, but becauseBrittany has never been able to succeed in school no matter how hard she tried,because the whole system is rigged against her and always has been. No matterhow much effort Brittany expends to show people she’s got a fine brain in herhead—by winning a quiz bowl championship, writing for the school newspaper,becoming class president, dishing out wise advice, etc.—no one except for Santanahas ever been willing to give her a chance. They always see her as an imbecileor a child. Even Santana can’t change the status quo. So why drag her into it?

InBrittany’s view, it’s better for her to help Santana pursue her dreams outsideof Lima than to do anything that might cause her to turn back or slow down.

ThoughBrittany often projects confidence, the truth is that just like the other twomembers of the Unholy Trinity, she has some serious and deep-seated self-esteemissues. After so many years of people calling her an idiot and treating herlike a child, part of her wonders if they aren’t perhaps right (see her speech in episode 4x22).

While shedoesn’t want to believe what the haters are saying, she also can’t help butfeel that maybe she is destined for Lima Loserdom. If so, then the last thingshe wants to do is drag Santana down with her—hence why she doesn’t mention herfailure to graduate until she’s sure that Santana leaving town and going toLouisville is already a done deal.

Is refusingto seek help from anyone a wise choice on Brittany’s part? No.

But havingdifficulty asking for help is a character flaw she comes by naturally. That agirl who’s been told “no” her whole life would be scared to ask anyone to takea chance on her and say “yes” makes sense. The behavior pattern is a consistentone that she displays throughout the show, such as, for example, in S4, whenshe stages not one but two separate public meltdowns in situations where sheneeds help but doesn’t know how to ask for it (see episodes 4x02 and 4x22).

Note: Thefact that Brittany actually brings herself to ask Santana if they can seekadult help regarding their relationship troubles in episode 2x15 shows just howmuch the issue means to her. Normally, Brittany would never suggest seekingoutside counsel, but in that case she wants so badly to set things to rightsbetween her and Santana that she petitions Santana to approach Holly Holliday.Her love for Santana outweighs her fear of making herself vulnerable.

Brittanydoes want to graduate high school. She does want to be with Santana andcontinue their relationship. She wants to escape Lima. She wants to prove thenaysayers wrong. She wants to start a new life somewhere where she’s notnegatively stereotyped and looked down on by everyone. She wants to livehappily ever after with the woman she loves. She wants all of these thingsdesperately, more than anyone really knows.

But she alsodoesn’t know how to get what she wants.

She feelsboxed in and like her situation is hopeless.

So she justtailspins until she crashes.

—and thetruly tragic thing is that nobody notices what’s happening with her until it’stoo late, either because they remain oblivious (like Santana) or because theyare apathetic (like Brittany’s teachers, coaches, and guidance counselors).

Per usual,Glee tried to play the situation for laughs, but there’s really nothing allthat funny about Brittany’s academic failures at all.

Like manystudent athletes, Brittany is a kid whose physical abilities have been valuedover her learning. As long as she’s helping the Cheerios to winchampionships—and make no mistake, like Quinn and Santana, Brittany is one ofSue’s superstars, whose dance and choreography talents are one of the main advantagesthat make the squad elite—then nobody cares if she struggles in her classes.It’s all about what she can do for the school and not what the school can dofor her.

Of course,in Brittany’s case, there’s even an added element of administrative apathy atplay beyond the usual “Just pass the girl so she’s competition eligible” bit.

Because ofthe way she thinks and acts, her teachers assume that she incapable of and/ordisinterested in learning. They allow their annoyance and exasperation with herto supersede whatever obligation they might feel to provide her with a realeducation.

The sad reality is that no one’s going to go out of theirway to teach a girl that they consider a) a nuisance to have in class; b)incapable of learning; and c) someone for whom grades don’t really matteranyhow, given that she’s one of the moving parts in Sue Sylvester’schampionship cheerleading machine.

So that’show Brittany makes it through grades nine, ten, and eleven: By being passedfrom hand to hand, with the faculty and administration turning a blind eye towhat’s happening because, ultimately, no one really cares about her educationanyway.

But thenBrittany enters grade twelve, and for whatever reason this system suddenlyfalls apart. Though she has previously made passing grades—some of themostensibly without Sue’s “help”—the coursework in her senior year gets thebetter of her.

Maybe thetwelfth grade material proves substantially more difficult than the eleventhgrade material. Maybe years of inadequate learning finally catch up to her. (Ifone never masters the basics of a given subject, then one can’t very wellnavigate more advanced material, after all.) Maybe the stress in her family andsocial life so distracts her from her schoolwork that she is no longer able to juggle it all, and she ends up dropping the academic ball. Maybe herteachers finally have enough of her antics and decide to grade her punitively. Maybea confluence of issues affects her.

Whatever thecase, she fails.

That no onein the WMHS administration takes an interest in her case is a tragedy. Thatshe doesn’t feel safe enough to ask any of her teachers or coaches for help isutterly heartbreaking. Particularly when we compare her story to Puck’s, thenumerous ways in which the system has failed her become painfully apparent.

No childshould flunk out of school because her teachers find her annoying.

—andespecially not when she is willing to learn, if only given the chance.

Throughouther time at WMHS, we frequently see Brittany taking notes in her classes andvolunteering answers during lectures, incorrect though some of those answerscertainly are. She isn’t a girl who sleeps through her schooldays or cutsclasses or goofs off. She’s trying her best. And as the way she really comesinto her own after she leaves WMHS proves, she isvery much capable of learning, albeit at her own pace and in her own way.

Imagine howvery different Brittany’s story could have been if even one teacher had realizedher potential—or had even just given her a chance of any kind.

Not onlywould it perhaps have been possible for her to graduate with the rest of herclass, but her genius could have been recognized sooner. The entire course of her life could have been changed for the better.

As thingsare, Brittany eventually succeeds inspite of her experiences in the education system, not because of them.

Hers remainsa sobering story.

Anyway.

Then, toanswer your second question:

No, I don’tthink Brittany drops the “—if it were, Santana and I would be dating” line onpurpose. I honestly think it’s a slip on her part.

Here’s thething:

ThoughBrittana don’t get a lot of foreground development during S1, they do have asubtle subtextual, “in the background” storyline that centers on the tension between howSantana thinks they need to be versus how they really are.

Whilethey’re both truly happiest when they’re monogamous with each other, Santanacontinually insists that they maintain publicly visible sexual relationshipswith popular boys at the same time that they’re sleeping with each other—youknow, to project at least the illusion of “straightness.”

However,despite her interest in appearing “heterosexual,” Santana is never able to keepup her sexual relationships with boys for long. Puck inevitably cheats on her.Finn inevitably turns back to Rachel. She invariably ends up back in amonogamous sexual relationship with Brittany, who is more than happy with thearrangement, given that she and Santana are actually in love. The cycle repeatsitself ad nauseum, until eventually, between episodes 1x10 and 1x13, Santanaand Brittany fall into a prolonged period of exclusivity with eachother.

During thistime, they’re sleeping together, plus doing all of their regular “best friend”things—you know, like sharing meals and going out to movies and sittingtogether in the back of the class and writing each other cute notes andcuddling and linking pinkies and generally being, you know, GIRLFRIENDS—whichis why Brittany feels confused about the status of their relationship.

Santana hastold over and over again that just because you’re having sex with someonedoesn’t mean you’re also dating them.

But she andSantana aren’t just having sex. They’re also doing all sorts of relationship-ystuff. Plus, you know, they’re in love with each other.

So doesn’tthat mean that they’re dating?

That’s thequestion that’s in Brittany’s mind going into the infamous party line scene inepisode 1x13.

To quoteextensively from thispost:

During S1,Santana feels secure in her arrangements with Brittany as long as she maintainsa sexual relationship with Puck and he brags about it around school. As long aseveryone knows that Santana has sex with a hot boy and “likes it,” then Santanafeels safe to also have sex with Brittany, per her own druthers. Even afterSantana and Puck officially break up circa episode 1x03, things are cool becausethey still keep having sex and Puck keeps broadcasting the fact that they do totheir peers.

But then circa episode 1x10, somethingshifts.

Though Puck and Santana continue to haveintermittent sex, Puck ceases to boast of their encounters starting around episode1x10, when he begins to woo Quinn in earnest, trying to prove his worthiness asa father and partner to her.

When Puck ceases to brag, Santana getsnervous and feels as if he has rejected her. Is she doing something wrong?Doesn’t he like it anymore? Does he know her secret?

In episode 1x11, Santana sexts Puck in adesperate attempt to rekindle his interest in her, but her efforts don’t panout. Pucktana likely stop sleeping together between episodes 1x11 and 1x13,and, when they do, it likely causes Santana to fear immensely for herreputation.

Ironically, though the thing Santana mostfears in losing Puck as her beard is that people will find out the truth abouther relationship with Brittany, Santana can’t help but run to Brittany when shefeels Puck’s attentions waning. She panics her way right into Brittany’s bed,seeking the approval, affection, acceptance, and validation there that shedoesn’t get from Puck. In so doing, she probably reveals some emotionalvulnerability or even neediness to Brittany.

Considering that Brittany is in love withher, it’s hard for Brittany not to read significance into her actions and thinkthat they signal something big.

Hint: They do.

Brittany starts thinking more and moreabout what’s going on between her and Santana. Since Santana isn’t dating Puckanymore, maybe Santana could date Brittany instead.

It’s because Brittany has the idea ofdating Santana in her mind—and heart—that she blurts it out to the group in1x13.

“Sex isn’t dating.”

“—if it were, Santana and I would bedating.”

It’s Brittany voicing what’s in her heartbefore she can really stop herself.

That she has no premeditated intention ofouting herself and Santana is clear from the look on her face the second thewords leave her mouth and she realizes what she’s just said. She spoke what wasmeant to be a private thought aloud, and she’s scared to death about what theconsequences might be now that she has. She immediately glances to Santana,gauging her reaction, wondering how badly she’s just fucked up theirrelationship. Though the conversation quickly moves on from that point, herheartbeat most likely doesn’t resume a normal pace for minutes afterward.

Anyway, I’ve jabbered for a good, ol’long while now.

Thanks for the questions!

#Crazy Brittanalyst Answers #savealtonrichards #Brittanalyzing #It's been a while kids #I just want queue

31 notes · View notes

strangershield · 7 years ago

Text

The Mind Reader

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Read Part Two Here , Part Three , Part Four

Warnings: very mild language

A/N: I’m very proud of this one so I hope you enjoy. I might do a part two if you guys like it and I get enough feedback? Saying that, it is over 5k words so I apologise. I’m back working on requests now x

‘Dammit I have a Spanish test’

‘Her skirt is really cute’

‘Lunch better be good today’

The thoughts float around in your head in an organized chaos. Each thought is fleeting and almost disappears as soon as it comes. It’s always like this in crowded areas. Take the school hallway for example. You lose count of how many people you pass, and how many thoughts cross your mind. Mind reading is an ability you only acquired a few weeks ago but you think you could control it now, to a certain extent. You no longer thought you were going crazy, or wanted to rip your brain out of your head. It was hectic, yes, but it was almost calming. The thoughts could mute out your own, if you wanted, or add humour to your day. Seriously, teenagers think of the weirdest things. Adjusting the grip on your backpack you made your way to first period: chemistry. You passed Flash on the way and almost lost it when he started thinking about whether he should be a full time DJ.

‘I’ve done two parties now and people love it. People love me. Hell yeah I could be a DJ.’

When you entered the classroom you made your way to the back row. It was easier to concentrate back here as people weren’t surrounding you. You could also discretely put a headphone in. Music helped drown out the thoughts because unfortunately you didn’t need to know everything 24/7. It got exhausting and unnerving. Besides, you almost failed the last chemistry test so you needed to concentrate. You were thankful that you didn’t have this class with MJ. You loved her but she thought of the weirdest and funniest crap. Mind reading was a weird ability to have. It was more annoying than helpful, and so far you couldn’t figure out how to turn it ‘off’. Yes it was harmless, but reading thoughts seemed like an invasion of privacy, especially around your friends. You always tried to not pay attention to their thoughts or drown them out, but it didn’t always work. Luckily you hadn’t heard anything you shouldn’t have yet. Well, technically everything is something you shouldn’t have heard, but nothing catastrophic anyway. The bell sounded just as the teacher entered. Immediately his thoughts entered yours and you were bombarded with his feelings about his most recent fight with his boyfriend. Well this should be an interesting class.

By the time lunch arrives you are drained. Today seemed to be extra difficult as every thought was heavy with emotion. Usually it wasn’t this bad, but it got worse when you were tired or stressed. You couldn’t block thoughts as easily so every little idea crossed your own mind. If someone else complained about homework you might go insane. MJ was already at your table when you arrived and collapsed next to her, bringing your face to your hands. Yep, today you were going insane. Her thoughts began to leak to you like an oil spill, and there was nothing you could do but sit and listen to them. Thankfully she was tired today too and wasn’t thinking about much. Ned and Peter soon joined you. You greeted them without lifting your head, the weight of everyone’s thoughts too much.

“You okay?” Ned asked, sitting opposite you.

You nodded and almost laughed when he thought, ‘she doesn’t look okay but I’m hungry.’

With a sigh you sat up straight and started eating. Your mood slowly improved as conversation flowed. MJ was preoccupied with a book but you were happy to go along with Peter and Ned’s conversation. Mind reading made these interactions more fun as you knew exactly what the other person was thinking. It’s funny how often people lie to please their friends.

“So what are you doing tonight?” Peter asked you.

Shrugging, you replied, “homework I think. You?”

“Stark internship.” He replied quickly.

Oh yes. The holy Stark internship. Half the time you wondered what he actually did there. You imagined him running around getting Starbucks for the Avengers and cleaning their weapons. It was unrealistic but humorous. You nodded and grabbed your water. When you took a sip Peter’s thoughts entered your mind.

‘I really need to fix the web design. I can’t be Spiderman with no webs.’

You choked on the water and proceeded to have a coughing fit. Peter and Ned looked at you immediately and thoughts of concern entered your head. MJ simply glanced up then continued reading. You assured them that you were fine and recovered partly. Peter was Spiderman. Peter Parker. Shit. You knew you weren’t supposed to know that, and it only made you angry. Stupid powers. They kept talking but you were no longer focusing. You were friends with Spiderman, and your friend was Spiderman. Your food was forgotten about as you tried to process this new information. Did Ned know? Obviously he did. Peter isn’t that great at keeping secrets. You doubted that MJ knew since she hardly took an interest in your lives in general. A part of you was disappointed that Peter hadn’t told you, but you quickly pushed the feeling away. It’s not like he knew about your powers. Then again, you weren’t an Avenger or a superhero who risked their life daily. More and more thoughts crossed your brain, causing you to physically wince. With your own thoughts it was getting too much.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You look pale.” Ned said as he took another bite of his sandwich.

“You stopped eating, do you feel sick?” Peter asked, sincerely worried. You wanted to smile and reassure them that you were fine but your brain was on fire. It was a migraine times twenty. You could hardly speak as you abruptly stood up and staggered out of the cafeteria. You think you mentioned the bathroom but everything felt like a trance. After wandering aimlessly you stumbled into an empty hallway. You collapsed onto the nearest wall and slide down it until you were sitting on the floor, knees bent. Immediately the pressure was released in your brain as you were alone, the pain now similar to a normal migraine. No one was nearby so no thoughts could bother you. After a few deep breaths you managed to reduce the throbbing to a dull headache. Sitting alone in the cold hallway, you finally allowed yourself to think. So Peter was a superhero, which was unexpected but not surprising. After all, he was the bravest and smartest kid you knew. But a superhero? He had powers too. That part made you excited and you thought of all of the possible conversations you two could have. He might understand your pain and struggles. You could bond over that. But you couldn’t tell him your power. Well, you should since you knew about his secret, but you couldn’t. No one could know. You didn’t want or need to be a hero. You wanted to be an average teenage girl (who could read minds). He needed to know that you knew at least. But how? You groaned and put your head on your knees and hugged your legs to your chest. Life seemed impossible at various moments, and today was no exception.

“(Y/N)!”

You stopped and turned in the direction of the voice. Amidst the now crowded hallway you spotted one Peter Parker rushing towards you as fast as he could in the sea of bodies. You stayed next to the classroom door until he finally made it to you.

‘That would’ve been a lot faster if I used my powers.’

His thought sent a joint through your spine, another reminder that he was Spiderman. The two of you joined the crowd as you walked to your locker. It was the end of the day and you couldn’t wait to get home and be alone. Your brain needed a rest.

“How are you? And don’t say okay.” He said, raising his voice slightly so that he could be heard over everyone. It dawned on you that you hadn’t seen him since lunch and cursed. You didn’t know what to tell him.

“Um yeah, just had a headache.” You said quickly. You let out a sigh of relief when you reached your locker.

“A headache? (Y/N), I thought you were going to pass out.”

You froze, your lock combination half done. “It was a really bad headache?”

He looked down and you swore he let out a sigh. Was he annoyed at you? When he met your eyes again he looked defeated and immediately you felt bad.

‘Doesn’t she know I care about her?’

You blushed but turned back to your lock when Peter raised an eyebrow. Awkwardly he cleared his throat and asked if you wanted to go over to his place to study.

“Now? What about the Stark thing?” You asked, closing your locker.

He shrugged. “It’s not like I do much there on a weekday anyway. Besides, we have that, um, maths quiz.”

‘Please say yes.’

You smiled and rolled your eyes. Maybe you could tell him you knew his secret. “Okay, lead the way Parker.”

After Peter opened the door to his apartment he let you in first, where you were presented with a woman rushing around madly. Peter closed the door with a soft thud and looked around the room in confusion.

“May?” He asked.

His aunt stopped to look at you both and smiled before she continued rushing around. The two of you remained standing where you were as she threw various items into her bag. Peter tried again.

“What’s going on?”

This time she stopped and closed her bag. “As of five minutes ago I have a date.”

Peter raised an eyebrow. “A date? Like a date date?”

May rolled her eyes and laughed. “Yes, a date date.”

“But it’s 4pm.”

She shrugged. “It’ll take me an hour to get there. He lives outside of Queens.”

Peter readjusted the grip on his bag and didn’t say anything, but he drew his lips into a very thin line.

‘It doesn’t sound right. She shouldn’t go. Maybe I should go too. No that’s just weird.’

You smiled to yourself at Peter’s protectiveness over his aunt. Though he didn’t talk about it much you knew his parents had both been killed and his aunt was the only family he had left. You didn’t know her very well but you always admired her. Deciding that she had everything May grabbed her keys and walked over to Peter and yourself.

“Now I’ve left some meatloaf in the fridge that you can heat up if you’re hungry. I should be back by ten but keep your phone on you. Text me if you need anything, okay?”

Peter nodded and pulled a face when she kissed his head, but his thoughts revealed how much he loved the affection.

“(Y/N) it’s lovely to see you sweetie. Stay as long as you want.”

“Thanks May.”

She smiled and headed out the door. “Have fun, but not too much fun!”

And with that she closed the door and left. Peter stood stunned in his own apartment before he came to his senses and moved to his room. You followed him as he hastily made apologies about his aunt and the messy apartment (it seemed perfectly neat to you). Sometimes you wished people could read your mind, like now for example, so Peter could really see how much you didn’t mind and how you actually loved his aunt and his apartment, mess and all. Once in his room you took off your backpack and sat on a chair as he sat on his bed. Both of you got the appropriate books out and organized your things. You really liked being with Peter. He calmed you and he didn’t think a lot or make his thoughts loud, which was now an extremely valuable trait to you. There in his room, there was a genuine silence that settled between you two which extended to your mind. It wasn’t awkward or forced, just comfortable. You could tell he was tired and you guessed that you looked the same. Hoping to get your mind working you turned to the stack of books that were now on Peter’s desk.

“Okay so what did you want to go over? I’m okay with geometry but can’t do trig to save my life. Maybe if we start at chapter 2a...Pete?”

You looked up to find him slouched over his books, eyes drooping at a rapid pace. When he heard his name he jolted upright and looked at you, confused.

“What? Sorry (Y/N).” He sighed.

You frowned and moved the chair closer to him. Maths could wait.

“What’s going on?” You asked softly.

He shrugged. “I dunno. I guess I haven’t been sleeping much...and I’ve been busy with the Stark thing and school.”

You smiled out of sympathy as he stared at the floor. He genuinely looked tired and overworked. And now you knew that he was Spiderman, well his tiredness made more sense. He went to speak again when his phone buzzed. You saw it was a message from Ned before he leant over his books to pick up his phone, leaning closer to you as he did. Almost immediately his mood seemed to perk up, energy now radiating off him, as he read the message.

‘Finally something good.’

He went to jump up but glanced up at you and stopped.

‘Shit, I can’t leave (Y/N).’

“What?” You asked, acting like you couldn’t read his mind. He froze, trying to think of an excuse to leave. His eyes darted across the room nervously. With a sigh you allowed yourself to accept the truth. You had to tell him.

“Peter, go.”

He looked at you with wide eyes. “What are you talking about? Everything’s fine, I just need to-“

“I know you’re Spiderman.”

He went silent and froze. He stared at you, unblinking, as he slowly turned pale. You internally groaned. That was a mistake.

“(Y/N), I, erm, I mean what do you, um, I’m not-“

“Stop,” you sighed. “Go Peter. It’s fine. We’ll talk when you get back.”

He didn’t move, only stared at you with his big brown eyes. God they were dangerous. Slowly he stood and faced you, his face dangerously white with shock.

“(Y/N), please...”

“Go Peter. I’ll be waiting.”

He quickly looked at his phone again, as if he was making sure there was actually an emergency, before turning back to you. His eyes had gone wide and were full of regret and sorrow. They made you giddy and sad all at once. Finally he sighed and moved to his closet where he revealed a decent sized case. Carefully he opened it to reveal his suit, packed precisely. It was perfect, and you realized just how much he loved being Spiderman and what he did. It made you feel a bit guilty since this could be you and your life. You could be happy and helping others, yet you were too scared to face to world. Besides, mind reading was useless, at least that’s what you told yourself. You left his room to let him change and when you returned he was already gone.

It was sunset when he finally returned. After completing your homework you played on your phone and studied Peter’s room, fascinated by every little detail. It was clean and neat but had so many hidden secrets or objects. You laughed to yourself when you stumbled upon LEGO Star Wars figures. Even they were set up perfectly in their own place. When Peter did stumble back into his room you were sitting on his bed. Hastily you threw down your phone and stood up as he closed the window and took off his mask. You had to admit that you were speechless. He left before in such a rush that you didn’t see him in the suit. Now you were stunned by how much older and mature it made him look. You half expected him to look like an oversized kid without the mask but he looked like something else. A hero. He glanced at you and gave a weary smile, but you could tell that he was nervous. Peter sat next to you on his bed and stared at his mask which he held in his lap. You stared at your hands but let your eyes flicker over to him every so often. The silence still wasn’t awkward, but now it wasn’t exactly comfortable. It felt like there was an electric current between you, ready to strike at any moment. Peter cleared his throat, making you turn your head towards him. He didn’t lift his eyes.

“So, I’m Spiderman.”

You smiled and nodded. “I know.”

He frowned. “Yeah, but how? Was it Ned?”

“No! No, it wasn’t Ned.” You quickly replied. Instantly you saw him sigh in relief and felt guilty again. You couldn’t let him think that his best friend betrayed him, and you hated that the thought even crossed his mind. Ned had nothing to do with it. It was you. All you.

“It’s...well it’s complicated.” You finally said, not sure how to tell him.

‘How did she find out? If she tells anyone I’m screwed. Oh god, what will Mr Stark say?’

His thoughts came across quick and scattered in your mind. It was then that you realized just how worried he was. Spiderman was a big deal to him. No, it meant the world to him. You’d never seen him so happy or so invested in anything. He had a right to know, even if it hurt you.

“I won’t tell anyone.” You mumbled. He looked at you sideways as his eyebrows came together in slight confusion. You knew that was because the thought had crossed his mind, yet he dismissed it for coincidence. You sighed and glanced over at him. The light from the setting sun behind Peter was blinding, and it bathed him in a golden light. It blurred his edges and imperfections. His tousled hair became fairer, his skin tanner, his suit a pale red. It was a beautiful sight but you couldn’t let yourself get caught up in the moment. You had to carry on and get the job done. He had a right to know.

“I found out...from you.” You started slowly, trying to explain it simply to Peter. However you were already failing miserably as his eyes grew wide.

“Me?”

You stuttered and stumbled over words until you thought of a coherent sentence. “Let me start again. I found out through you, yes. But you didn’t say it. You...you thought it.”

Peter’s face grew more confused as you tried to tell him the truth without explicitly saying it.

“Thought it?”

“Um, yeah. Because, well a couple of weeks ago, I was in an accident.”

“Yeah I remember, I had to FaceTime you to explain the chemistry formula while you lied in bed.”

You laughed softly at the memory. You couldn’t believe he remembered that.

“Yes, that accident. But it did more than confine me to my bed.”

You turned to face him and, for a moment, you were tempted to take his hands into yours but decided against it. That was too intimate.

“Pete, I’m going to sound crazy.” You laughed nervously. Your eyes couldn’t meet his. Sensing your anxiety Peter leant over and grabbed your hands. You smiled internally as his warm hands squeezed yours to comfort you. He didn’t let go.

“(Y/N), I’m freaking Spiderman. I think I can handle anything.”

You gave him a weak smile as he looked at you with anticipation clear in in his eyes. You proceeded.

“I...I can read minds.”

Silence followed your confession as it laid heavily between you both. Peter’s grip on your hands loosened but he didn’t let go. His face went slack, as did his thoughts. For once it was impossible to read him. There was no thoughts or expressions. Nothing. He was a blank canvas, and nothing terrified you more.

“Peter, please say something.” You finally whispered as you waited for the verdict. When he didn’t respond you begrudgingly removed your hands from his, recoiling away from him. You needed to leave.

“Wait,” He stammered. “You read minds?”

You were now frozen on the edge of his bed, his eyes staring intently at you.

‘Please don’t leave’.

You settled in your new position, legs over the side of the bed, but made no effort to face him again. The distance was almost unbearable to you after being so close.

“I read minds.” You repeated.

‘What am I thinking about?’.

You giggled as Peter’s thought entered your head. He raised his eyebrows.

“You actually-“

“Know you’re asking me what you’re thinking about? Yep.”

Slowly a smile spread across his face.

“That’s freaking awesome! Mind reading!”

You blushed and bit your lip, shocked by his reaction.

“Awesome?”

“Of course it is. Shit (Y/N), you read minds.”

This time you laughed. The bed shifted as Peter moved to sit next to you. He sat centimetres away from you, shoulders almost touching. It made your heart race.

“You know that this means we can fight crime together right?”

You laughed and rolled your eyes. “Absolutely not.”

His face dropped. “What? Why?”

“I’m no hero. I don’t want to fight bad guys or save cats from trees. I want to be a teenager who works and complains about school and goes to parties-“

“You hate parties.”

“Not the point Peter.”

You stared at your hands, not wanting to see the disappointment in his eyes. He didn’t understand. He was fearless and brave, unlike you. You were so lost in your thoughts that you jumped when something touched your hand. It was Peter trying to pull your hands into his own. You let him but didn’t meet his eyes.

“I wish I could read your mind.” He mumbled.

You laughed. “Me too.”

Peter shook his head and gripped your hands. “No, you don’t understand. I want to know what you’re thinking and feeling. I want to know what you see in yourself. Why don’t you believe in yourself? What do I say? I’m lost, but I swear I’m trying to help. I’m just not good at it.”

Slowly you looked up to find him looking away. Gently you removed one hand from his grip to turn his face towards yours. His dark eyes looked down in defeat.

“Hey, it’s not your fault. In fact, you’re amazing. You’re my best friend Peter. Trust me, I wish you could read my mind too so you could see that I’m freaking out but I trust you. I do...”

Your voice grew quieter as you spoke until it was barely a whisper. Peter raised his hand to lay it over yours, which was still cradling his cheek. You stayed like this for a while, but one irritating thought just wouldn’t leave your mind. No matter how hard you tried to push it away it remained. You had to ask.

“Were you going to tell me?” You asked, pulling your hands back to yourself. Peter let go and looked at you.

‘Spiderman?’ He thought. You nodded sheepishly.

“Yes...no. I don’t know,” he confessed. “I wanted to, I really did. But it was a risk and I...”

Peter trailed off as your heart sank. He wasn’t going to tell you? You knew it was unfair to be mad at him, after all you weren’t planning on telling him about your powers, but it felt personal.

“Who else?” You asked. When he started to shake his head you snapped. “Peter don’t freaking lie to me. I know Ned knows. Does MJ? Did you tell everyone but me?”

“(Y/N) calm down! No, they don’t...they didn’t know. Ned found out by accident, I wasn’t going to tell him. I haven’t told MJ so I think she doesn’t know, but she knows everything.”

“And me?”

“You were different.”

You laughed sarcastically. “How Peter, enlighten me.”

“I like you.” He almost screamed, competing with your increasing volume. You blinked at him, both your cheeks red from yelling. The two of you never fought, so this was all new. And then he had...feelings? For you? You felt dizzy and you failed to think of something to say. Your mind was blank and Peter was tense: you could feel it radiating off him.

‘Say something.’

His thought was desperate and weak but there all the same. You didn’t look at him, you couldn’t, when you finally spoke.

“Me?” You muttered.

Peter nodded and refused to meet your eyes as well. The silence was crushing you as you stared at anything but Peter. If this was a movie, you would have confessed your own attraction and he would have proceeded to kiss you as the final credits rolled. Alas, this was reality where nothing was quite as perfect. Instead neither of you would speak or look each other in the eye. Each person was killing the other. You knew you had to speak, to say something, to save Peter from his misery. Yet no words would come to mind. Nothing. For the first time in a while, your mind was completely silent. No thoughts from you or Peter, only a void.

“I...” you began but quickly stopped, realizing you didn’t know how that sentence was going to continue.

“Don’t, (Y/N). Just don’t. I don’t need your pity.” His voice was emotionless and sent tears to your eyes. How could you do this, hurt your best friend? The boy who loved you? Time was slipping away and you had to act quickly, otherwise it would be too late.

“I don’t know what to say...”

“(Y/N), I said don’t. Just go-“

“Peter shut the hell up!” You interrupted. “I don’t know what to say because I’m terrified, because I feel the same way. And I want this to be perfect but it’s not and I’m not good enough.”

Peter’s eyes went wide.

‘Not good enough?’

He finally looked you in the eye, his own raw with emotion. “Are you kidding? You? You are perfect, and I mean it.”

You laughed in sorrow. “Says the boy who saves people’s lives and can swing building to building.”

“So what if I can jump from a building to another? That doesn’t matter. I will never be as smart or as kind or as beautiful as you, and that’s what matters.”

You looked at him, eyes wide with shock. He genuinely cared about you, your best friend. Your Spiderman. Clumsily Peter fumbled for your hand, not once breaking eye contact, and pulled them into his lap. You gripped onto his hands out of love and fear. This was everything you ever wanted, yet you never imagined feeling so scared. You shifted and moved your body to fully face him, Peter then following your lead. Finally here you were, face to face. No secrets. No judgement. No powers. Just two teenagers who were desperately in love, and nothing terrified them more.

“Shit Peter, I don’t want to stuff this up.” You confessed, your eyes flickering down to your holding hands.

“Me too,” Peter said, taking in a shaky breath. “I can’t lose you.”

And there it lay, the imminent truth, exposed and in the open. There was no returning now to what you were before. This was end game. Eventually you loosened the grip on his hands and you both sat in silence, tracing patterns on each other’s palms. There was something intimate about the small gesture that made you take a leap of faith.

“Can I tell you something?” You whispered as talking seemed too loud. Peter nodded, staring at you intently as he bit his lip. God he was adorable.

“I can’t control my powers, and they terrify me. And I don’t know who else to tell but you.”

Peter nodded understandably, his face full of concentration.

‘Think Parker, it’s your time to shine. But oh my god she’s so beautiful...shit she can hear this can’t she?’

Peter sheepishly looked up and grimaced when he saw humour in your eyes.

“You heard that didn’t you?”

“I’m sorry. See, THIS is why it’s a problem.” You explained. Internally you couldn’t believe that he thought you were pretty. “And you don’t have to prove yourself. You know that right?”

Peter nodded and gave your hand a squeeze. By this stage you had figured out that not only did he love physical affection, but he loved hand holding. And that was adorable.

“I know, but it’s you and I like you and...that’s it!” He broke off mid-sentence and stared at you, eyes mimicking a child’s in a candy store. You raised an eyebrow, curious.

“What? What’s it?”

“I know how to deal with your powers. The Avengers!”

You gave him a sympathetic smile. “Pete, thank you, but I already said-“

“You don’t want to be a hero, I get it. But I know the Avengers. They could help you understand and control your powers. Besides, I did travel to Berlin for Stark so he owes me one.”

Joy and excitement filled you. The Avengers? Helping you? It seemed surreal but it made sense; they were all heroes with powers or a better understanding of how they worked.

“You would do that for me?” You asked with a small voice.

“I’d do anything for you.”

It was easily the cheesiest thing for Peter to say, but in the moment it was perfect. Looking at his excited eyes you allowed yourself to smile wide. He smiled back, energy radiating off the two of you. In the moment you flung yourself at Peter and hugged him tight, arms clinging around his neck. After the initial surprise Peter relaxed and hugged you back, his hands holding your waist. His hands sent electricity through your body. You had never felt more alive or loved than in that moment. He laughed in your ear at your happiness, his warm breath fanning your neck. You buried your head into the crook of his collarbone and held him, your body melting into his. The closeness didn’t feel intimidating or awkward to either of you: it felt right. Tomorrow things would become complicated and difficult. Peter would contact the Avengers and your training would begin. Soon he would be out in the field again, being a friendly neighbourhood Spiderman. But in that moment, nothing mattered but the closeness of your bodies and the undeniable happiness that both of you felt. And it was in that moment that you truly, whole heartedly fell for Peter. As fate would have it, it was the exact moment that Peter fell for you too. You knew it before the thought even crossed your mind.

‘God, I love you (Y/N). ‘

#spiderman #peter parker x reader #peter parker #marvel #mcu #avengers #writing #fanfiction #imagine #mind reader #my writing #spiderman x reader #fanfic #love #spiderman homecoming #tom holland #reader insert

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bonduniversity · 6 years ago

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Exchange Survival Guide: Lyon, France

Hello readers! My name is Brayden and I am studying a Bachelor of Laws at Bond University. For my final semester, I wanted to go out with a bang, so I spent the semester abroad at Universite Catholique de Lyon (UCLy) in Lyon, France. This blog will give you an idea of the highs and lows of the experience and provide you with a clear and concise outline in order to be prepared and make the most of your experience.

Preparing to go

Travelling to France on a student visa is very easy, especially as an Australian. The first thing I did (not including the Bond University Exchange application) to prepare for my travels was look into my visa. However, the process is quick and painless if you have all the right documentation and they will provide you with your visa within 2 weeks. The hardest part about getting a French student visa is travelling to the Sydney consulate to hand in all your information because they do not accept the application at the Brisbane consulate or by email (ridiculous, right?). However, once that is done, all you have to do is sit back, relax and wait for your passport to arrive with the visa. One last note about the visa; make sure you provide an envelope with your address etc. so that they send it back to you, otherwise they will wait for you to pick it up (I made this mistake).

Contacting your host university

I got in contact with my host university rather early, to ensure the process went smoothly and I suggest you do the same. We corresponded by email which was difficult regarding the language difference, but they are very helpful and will answer any questions you may have. However, even if there is a question that is just not resonating with them, the Bond University Exchange office can get in touch with them as well and get the necessary answer.

If you are travelling in the last semester of your degree, I suggest that you plan in advance and only have your general electives to do. I had three general electives and one law elective to complete and it was a little bit harder because I had to study in two separate faculties. This may cause delays and issues with receiving the academic transcript in time for graduation.

Credit point conversion

The French Universities use a system called ECTS. Essentially 30 ECTS equals your 40 credit points or full-time load in Australia. Specifically, at UCLy the subjects can be as little as two ECTS for a single subject; so, depending on which subjects you choose you could potentially be studying approx. eight subjects for one semester. However, do not worry because that is a full-time load at French universities, so it is not abnormal.

Staying with a family

I chose to stay with a family on my semester abroad so that I could learn the language. This was my main reason for choosing France. The process with UCLy was simple: you get in touch with the lodgement department of the University via email (email is on the UCLy website) and they will find you a family based on a questionnaire. This questionnaire will pair you with a family with similar interests, hobbies and take into account any requests you may have. The family I stayed with were absolutely sensational. They were the stereotypical French family who looked after me as if I was there child. The food was amazing and I definitely recommend considering this option for accommodation. The only downfall was that I lived about 40 minutes away from the University. However, the public transport in Lyon is very good so it was not too bad. If you decide to stay with a family and their name is Grivot-Bruhnes, then you are in luck and will have an amazing experience!

The University

UCLy was a great university for partying, socialising and it was in a great location. The program for exchange students was….interesting. The organisation of the program was not great. It was difficult for many students to get their subjects right and the timetable changes weekly, so you really have to pay attention to your emails. However, in saying this, the University organises some great activities for you to participate in every Thursday.

Furthermore, even though you are a foreign student you have the opportunity to participate in all University activities and clubs. For example, I played rugby for the University. If you are a sporty person, I definitely recommend joining a team because it is a great way to immerse yourself in the French culture and language.

The exchange program

As I said above, the program provides numerous activities throughout the semester. These activities include:

Tours to small French towns

Dinner with a French family

Cooking classes

Parties

Pub Crawls

International Dinners

I highly recommend doing as much as you can while on the exchange. The more immersed you become, the more you will get from the experience. The study is secondary when you are on exchange *wink*.

The city of Lyon

Lyon is a very beautiful city, which prides itself as being the art centre of France. It has some of the most awesome churches and traditional structures. However, the best part of the city is definitely the food, being Bouchon Lyonnais. The food is unique to the area and is delicious. Further, the biggest benefit of living in Lyon is the location. It is 2.5 hours from the Italian and Swiss border and about 6 hours by bus from the Spanish border. Therefore, there is a lot to do and see while you are there, so I recommend making a plan for what you want to see because the time will fly by at a ridiculously quick rate.

The one thing you have to get used to while in Lyon is the difference in culture and attitudes. The streets outside the tourist areas are, for the lack of a better word, creepy. So I suggest always walking around with a group, especially late at night.

Destinations to visit

Annecy

Chamonix

Paris

Nice

Monaco (Monte Carlo)

Amalfi Coast (Italy)

Normandy (if you like WWII history)

Tips and tricks

Due to the exchange rate, travelling around Europe is quite expensive as an Australian. If you are on a budget, I suggest catching buses/trains everywhere as flights can be very expensive. The bus company that I highly recommend is ‘Flixbus’. Flixbus have great buses with good seats and at a very low price (23 Euro for a ticket to Paris). I travelled with them to Paris, Amsterdam, Annecy and Geneva.

It is also very easy to rent a car. I rented a car with my friends and travelled to Chamonix. I was nervous to drive on the other side of the road, but it does not take long for you to get used to the difference.

Final words

I hope this guide is helpful for you in making your decision or preparing to go to France. If you are unsure about whether to go or not, GO! It is honestly an insane experience. At the start of my trip, I wanted to go home because it was overwhelming and I missed my girlfriend and family, but I stuck it out and I am so glad I got past that moment. I met the most amazing people from all around the world and it is true that you make lifelong friends on exchange. I have heard that exchange is not for everyone, but I disagree. You will learn so much about yourself and create great connections and memories. It is difficult at times but the difficulties are worth it for the experience.

If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to ask. You can look me up on Facebook (Brayden Williams). I wish I had someone to consult with beforehand so please contact me if you need any advice.

Find out more about going on Exchange as part of your studies at Bond University.

#Bradyen Williams #Lyon France #Exchange #Bond University #Universite Catholique de Lyon #UCLy #Law

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spitestudies · 7 years ago

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hello everyone!! as a high school junior taking 4 aps, 3 other classes, preparing for the act, trying to do college research, stage managing a musical, and trying not to lose my mind, here are some fun n handy tips for not Dying when ur schedule is hell!

if you found this post helpful maybe give it a like/reblog and check out my other posts here!

01 | PLANNING AND PREPARING

so much of getting and staying organized has to do with organizing your time in advance. there are a million ways to do this--google calendar, a bullet journal, a planner, some post-it notes. my system involves three parts: a google calendar, a planner, and an online to-do list app.

google calendar: this is mostly for events. i can see when i have rehearsals, classes, doctor’s appointments, etc. this helps me see how much available time i have and budgeting it properly.

planner: i take this with me to school, and i use it to right down when i have assignments and tests. i use the ban.do planner, but these are a bit pricey, and really anything will do. just somewhere to put down tasks so you can keep track of them

getplan.co: this app is, honest to god, the only reason i am still alive and breathing. it plugs into your google calendar and then allows you to create and schedule tasks around events. @studycxlture has an amazing post about plan here that i def recommend checking out!

general tips about planning:

plan out the events of your month at least two days before it starts

set aside a night (i like sunday evenings) to set up a system for the upcoming week and go over what you have planned so you don’t forget anything

you are NOT gonna remember that assignment that teacher told you about. write it down.

you do not need a fancy system. it’s okay to try lots of different things until you find what works

never spend more time planning out tasks than completing them. unless you have that much free time, don’t dedicate two hours to making a lovely weekly bullet journal spread.

color codes!!! are a life saver. i have one with a color for each class (red for english, orange for spanish, yellow for history, green for science, blue for math, etc) as well as some for my extracurriculars (pink for the musical, teal for model un, etc).

always have ur planner open when ur working, so that you can make sure u r actually completing all the tasks u said u were gonna complete

02 | STAYING ORGANIZED

oh my god oh my god oh my god staying on top of your work is SO important when you’re busy. being able to find your worksheets and keep track of your homework and your million responsibilities is essential to being successful. to stay organized, i have an expandable file folder with tabs for each class. because i take most of my notes in notebooks instead of binders, this is a good way to keep all of my handouts, worksheets, and syllabi centralized.

also, make sure you have a way to keep your online materials organized. create a folder for each school year, and within that folder, create more folders for each class. from there, it’s up to you about how you’ll organize files. you can create even MORE folders (yeet) for things like homework, notes, study guides, etc, or folders for each unit you study. the possibilities are endless!!!! isn’t technology exciting

here r some pieces of advice for staying organized:

have a series of folders/binder/expandable file folder to hold your worksheets. or one for each class, though i prefer to keep all my papers in one a) to save money and b) to save space.

label your notebooks/binders so that you know which ones to bring home with you

never just shove something into your backpack. never. i’m gonna manifest into ur classroom and FIGHT you if u do that. it’s not good, it’ll end up getting lost or crushed under the weight of all ur textbooks, and you’ll end up panicking when u can’t find it

have ur planner on u at all times

keep a good filing system of ur stuff at home. u don’t need to carry around every single bio assignment you’ve gotten back, but by the time ur final rolls around ur gonna want 2 b able to look at all the materials you’ve gotten during the semester

that being said, throw stuff away when the year is over! i, for one, know i’m never gonna think about calculus after this class is done, so i will be recycling all of my papers (save the earth) and moving tf on

keep a recycling bin in your room! even if it’s just a paper bag, it’ll make throwing paper in the trash way less tempting (save the earth)

u don’t need a ton of pens. i’m being a giant hypocrite saying this but you really don’t need all that stuff. if you want it and you can manage it, great, but if it’s just another thing to keep track of, leave ur staedtlers and ur mujis and ur fineliners and ur calligraphy pens at home, and just take the essentials with u to school

03 | MAKING THE MOST OF UR TIME

in order to succeed, it’s v important to make every second count. this doesn’t mean studying 48 hours straight (pls don’t), but try not to waste time. whether this means you spend fifteen minutes napping, doing some reading for english, or having a quick snack, make sure u are being productive and healthy! i, for one, sometimes have 1-2 hour breaks between school and rehearsal, and i like to use these to walk to the grocery store by my school and get some food and then study in the deli.

some ideas for being productive!

carry a clipboard around everywhere. this way, u don’t need to spend as much time transitioning in and out of tasks, u can just put ur work onto the clipboard, and put it in ur backpack at the end of a break, and then the next chance u have to work on it, just take it back out. easy peasy

work during commutes! nOT if ur the one driving the car though that’s VERY dangerous and distracted driving = bad. but if ur on the bus, or ur mom is driving u to school, that might be a good time to go over some notes you took last night, or some reading you need to catch up on. nothing too insane, please don’t do ur chem labs on the public bus but. u know.

read over the notes you took that day on the ride home. this will help reinforce the information in ur brain, and it’s not super difficult. i go over my apush notes during the 40 minute drive home and sometimes talk about them w my mom, which gives me a much better grasp of the material

don’t waste time on social media. either delete instagram altogether, or log off/mute notifications before u start work. same with tumblr. don’t start scrolling obsessively if u have three tests to study for.

power naps!!!! napping for about 10-20 minutes, maybe on the way home or to practice/rehearsal/whatever u gotta do, can help u feel refreshed! anything longer will make u more tired tho, so be sure to get up when u say ur gonna get up.

study smarter: when ur going over material, u don’t need to handwrite 60 beautiful flashcards. use quizlet instead. don’t revise if it’s not gonna help u. prioritize which assignments r gonna be most impactful over the little ones u can easily make up

take good breaks!! breaks r VERY important and should be utilized properly. here r some good suggestions for things to do:

throw in a load of laundry

empty the dishwasher

stretch/do some jumping jacks

drink some water!

go for a walk

talk to a family member

get a snack!

read some fun novels n such

scream?

!! in case of emergency !! the following tips should only be employed when ur short on time. don’t use these just bc u can, this is just when it’s about getting close enough to grasping material, not actually grasping it

do every other math problem assigned, and either star the ones u didn’t do, or get the answers from the back of the book. this way, u get some practice but u also save time

sparknotes ur reading beforehand. this way, u can recognize what’s going on. it’s not v good for developing ur reading comprehension, but assignments will go by quicker

NEVER google translate ur language homework, but u can use word reference for helping u find the right word and proper conjugations

flagpole it: didn’t study enough for a test? are u guessing on like 10 of the questions? if it’s multiple choice, but the same answer for all the ones u have no clue about, unless that answer choice seems highly unlikely. then pick a different one. this way, ur statistically more likely to get some of the ones you guessed correct.

when u have an online assignment due at midnight and it’s 11:53 and u haven’t started, find another assignment you’ve already completed that has a similar document name. for example, “scarlet letter chapters 9-11″ instead of ur actual assignment “scarlet letter chapters 12-14″. submit the other one, and then when u finish the other assignment (either that night or the next morning) email ur teacher and apologize, say u accidentally submitted the wrong document

if ur parents will let u (if ur in high school) or u can let urself (if ur in uni), it’s okay to skip a day to catch up. just make sure u actually work, get the notes u missed, and talk to ur teachers/professors abt the material u missed.

04 | STAYING HEALTHY

ur health comes before any assignment, test, or extracurricular. i know lots of ppl r probably telling u that and it doesn’t seem like they mean it, but i mean it. no exam is worth sacrificing ur mental, physical, or emotional health for. yeet! so here r some things to keep in mind

eat! ur fuckin! breakfast! whether it’s a smoothie or oatmeal or a cup of orange juice or an apple or an elaborate french toast dish, u need some food in ur stomach so that u have the energy to start ur day

remember to take ur meds if u need to!

drink water! drink! water! have a glass when u wake up, and then at least one with every meal, and one before u go to bed. hydration is v important. if u can, invest in a water bottle and take it with u to class.

pack a lunch! and if ur staying later after school, pack snacks! tech week for me is always hell because i get to school at 7:30 am and don’t usually leave until 11 that night. it’s v important to stay nourished and hydrated so that u don’t get dizzy or faint.

remember! that u are beautiful, and ur body is beautiful, and it deserves 2 b loved! especially by u.

get 6 hours of sleep. aim for 8, but six at the very least. if ur done with ur work, go to bed early! don’t just stay up for no reason.

shower everyday, or every other day at least. give yourself those 15 minutes as a break from work or school or anything else that’s keeping you busy

write down ur thoughts in a journal?

talk to a friend if ur feeling sad, or just feeling things very intensely. share ur joy with other people! vent ur sadness and anger so u aren’t carrying it around everywhere.

make some time to have fun. see a movie w ur friends or ur bf/gf/datefriend or ur family over the weekend. go to a museum. hang out at the mall. sleepover at someone’s house. taking breaks is healthy.

make an effort to have dinner with ur family if u can (also if u like ur family. i know some ppl have bad relationships w them so skip this step if that’s u). it can be nice to reconnect w everyone, even when ur stressed or they’re annoying u, it can be nice.

remember that it’s okay to be imperfect! u don’t need to be good at a lot of things. i got a b for the first time last semester, i just got a c on an apush test, i failed my driver’s test again yesterday. but i also aced my math quiz, i celebrated six months of knowing my best friend, i walked my dog, i helped put a production together. it’s okay to have rough days and bad days and bleh days, as long as you keep pushing through them and working for the days to get better.

i love u!!! stay hydrated and nourished and get enough sleep. put on some lotion if u have it available. brush ur hair. if u ever wanna ask a question, my ask box is always open! <3

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sweet-sugar-sunsets · 6 years ago

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100 questions

I was tagged by @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold and @puzzlingsnark aka my faves

1. What is your nickname? well when I was younger it was little red, but it was later revoked after I went through a growth spurt. my friends jokingly call me anuswrath because it sounds similar to my last name. my niece calls me mimi

2. How old are you? I am regretfully fifteen

3. What is your birth month? Septemper

4. What is your zodiac sign? Virgo. I don’t know that sun and moon crap

5. What is your favorite color? yellow

6. What’s your lucky number? 23

7. Do you have any pets? yup I have a golden lab named Liza Jane

8. Where are you from? Louisiana

9. How tall are you? 5’ 6"

10. What shoe size are you? 9 1/2

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? probably like 10

12. Are you random? yes absolutely

13. Last person you texted? my best friend (he’s trying to set me up with his ex)

14. Are you psychic in any way? yeah when I was little I had dreams that could tell the future occasionally and i used to talk to ghosts (i was weird)

15. Last TV show watched? i just finished the newest fosters episode

16. Favorite movie? Ferris Beuller’s Day Off, Clueless

17. Favorite show from your childhood? suite life of zach and cody (i still occasionally watch the reruns)

18. Do you want children? no unless my spouse does

19. Do you want a church wedding? no.

20. What is your religion? nuthin

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? yeah I broke my neck in fourth grade in karate class (I’m fine now just had to wear a neck brace for a year and sacrifice my pride) when I was really little (k-2nd grade) I had really bad asthma and had a couple surguries (none of them helped)

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? no, which is surprising becaue i do a lot of illegal stuff (dont arrest me)

23. How is life? meh

24. Baths or showers? both, showers when I’m short on time, baths when I want to treat myself

25. What color socks are you wearing? I’m not wearing socks

26. Have you ever been famous? when I was little I did local commercial acting but other than that nope

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? yeah lowkey im an attention whore

28. What type of music do you like? alternative and indie, some rock

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? yeah with my friends last weekend

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? I sleep with two behind my head, three stuffed between my bed and the wall and four at my feet

31. What position do you usually sleep in? I toss and turn all night

32. How big is your house? pretty decent four bedrooms three bathrooms two stories

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? fried egg and black coffe during school, whatever’s available during the summer

34. Have you ever left the country? unfortunately no

35. Have you ever tried archery? Yes! I did archery all the time in my yard. until I almost impaled my neighbor’s dog

36. Do you like anyone? I’m currently in love with my best friend but he is currently setting me up with his aforementioned ex so that’s not gonna go anywhere

37. Favorite swear word? dick, bullshit, any variation of fuck

38. When do you fall asleep? 1, 3 if i dont force myself to go to sleep

39. Do you have any scars? I had rocks embedded in my knees as a kid so i have those scars (you can also feel the rocks its kinda cool they never took them out) I crushed my ankle in a golfcart accident last year so I have those too

40. Sexual orientation? bi for now but i like girls more. the only guy i’ve liked in a while is my best friend

41. Are you a good liar? absolutely

42. What languages would you like to learn? latin and spanish (both of which i’m learning now)

43. Top 10 songs? oof ok: run for cover, the killers; float on, modest mouse; i can’t quit, the vaccines; ribs, lorde; cigarette daydreams, cage the elephant; youth, glass animals; miracle mile, cold war kids; saturday sun, vance joy; jackie and wilson, hozier, sleep on the floor, the lumineers

44. Do you like your country? no but im not gonna get into it on here because i am young and dont have fully formed opinions yet

45. Do you have friends from the web? yes and i love them more than my real friends sometimes

46. What is your personality type? creative, lazy, rebellious

47. Hogwarts House? ravenclaw

48. Can you curl your tongue? no im such a disapointment

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? lowkey murphey from the 100, bc i come of as an asshole, never want to do anything, and the only contribution i ever make is snarky comments and bullshit jokes

50. Left or right handed? right because im basic

51. Are you scared of spiders? yes and all bugs

52. Favorite food? chinese food. i live laugh love chinese food

53. Favorite foreign food? ^^^^

54. Are you a clean or messy person? messy, you cant see the floor in my room

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? walk aroung at night. ugh the dream

56. What color underwear? pink and gray

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? an hour sometimes more when i procrastinate

58. Do you have much of an ego? no, but i do have self-esteem issues galore

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? i suck until its tiny then i bite

60. Do you talk to yourself? yes. i am insane

61. Do you sing to yourself? yes. loudly. all the time. sometimes in public

62. Are you a good singer? semi. i sing backups in my band

63. Biggest Fears? all my friends secretly hate me

64. Are you a gossip? no gossip pisses me off. unless it’s celebrity gossip

65. Are you a grammar nazi? no, but i need one

66. Do you have long or short hair? I have hair to my shoulders

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? yeah i had to memorize them for the world geo final

68. Favorite school subject? english and art

69. Extrovert or Introvert? extrovert!

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? no but i want to

71. What makes you nervous? when people dont talk to me for a long time

72. Are you scared of the dark? a little my house is haunted so

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? only if necessary

74. Are you ticklish? sometimes, which is weird

75. Have you ever started a rumor? yeah probably

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? nope!

77. Have you ever drank underage? yep last night

78. Have you ever done drugs? well the closest i’ve come is getting second hand high after making out with a girl who had just done a bunch of edibles at a party. i cant smoke or vape cuz of the asthma thing

79. What do you fantasize about? honestly 90% sex

80. How many piercings do you have? two in my ears

81. Can you roll your R’s? yes its the only thing im good at

82. How fast can you type? idk pretty fast but i have to go back and correct a lot

83. How fast can you run? i dont run

84. What color is your hair? red brown

85. What color are your eyes? shit brown

86. What are you allergic to? cats and milk

87. Do you keep a journal? i keep a poetry jounal and an astronomy journal but thats it

88. Are you depressed about anything? im just depressed in general

89. Do you like your age? no i feel to young

90. What makes you angry? my mother and my father, this one homophobic bitch that all my friends love

91. Do you like your own name? yeah ig. i wish it was more interesting tho

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? a gluestick in 1st grade dont judge

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? girl. boys have cooties

94. What talents do you have? I’m a writer, i play piano, guitar, ukelele, drums, cello, and trumpet

95. Sun or moon? moon

96. How did you get your name? my mom liked it what a loser

97. Are you religious? no i am very anti-religion

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? no but i need to

99. Color of your bedspread? turquoise sheets white comforter

100. Color of your room? periwinkle walls with a black white and gold color scheme

tagging: @a-girl-or-maybe-a-ghost @bitchin-promises @mikeweezers @jane-el-hopper @nancykali

#jesus this took me FOREVER #thanks for tagging me tho!!

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tsvitok · 7 years ago

Text

I spent a ridiculous amount of time working these out. I may need to seek medication to curb this insanity.

Anyway.

see below if you want walls of text and insanity.

both maps are laid over a map of current borders so you have a reference and it isn’t just a white blob.

No gunpowder Europe. As you will notice, most of everyone we generally see today is around with some border changes.

In this reality, Prussia was unable to unify Germany and thus the southern leagues supported by Austria created a unified Germany. Superior cavalry otherwise carved out this world, Spain never took off in Europe and was easily outclassed by the French and Austrians. France was successful in their push into Italy during the renaissance and held Savoy from there on out - it was Venice, that did not have to compete with the Ottoman Empire - which slowed and stalled warring against the southern Europeans - and would resist Austrian aggression by unifying Italy through unholy alliances. Portugal never became much of anything, the Netherlands - despite lacking gunpowder, became quite strong purely off of their ability to trade. Likewise, England grew strong off of trade, but without cannons it was hard for small navies to match the larger navies of France, Spain and later on Austria and Poland.

In the Middle East, you see a lack of European imperialism for two reasons - without weaponry such as rifles and cannons, it became hard for the European powers to challenge established states that ruled from horseback. The one exception is Russia, where their reliance on Cossacks and their large population allowed them to expand east where they eventually slowed against a more powerful series of Chinese states. Most interestingly is the Sahel States such as Mali and Songhai and their successors are still around and strong - the slave trade there which was increasingly worsened by Moroccan invasion (successful due to gunpowder weaponry) and the import of firearms, didn’t become a tribal thing but remained purely about horses. (feel free to ask me to explain that in depth if you like).

Moving on.

No horse Europe This is where it gets fucking insane, if you don’t know ancient/early medieval history you’ll probably be immediately lost so let me hash it out a bit more.

So, the first thing you may notice is that it is a clusterfuck. You’re right.

I had two basic assumptions, one that because there is no horses the nobility is instead a professional class of infantry soldiers - akin to the huskarls. And two, that a lot of the more nomadic peoples that were warlike would have adapted to this change.

This is why you will see that the Scythians, Hungarians, Turks and Cimmerians are still around and are quite large.

Hungary is an interesting case as they are originally very closely linked to the Finns (Finno-Uygric). The Finns were also good horsemen, but given they’re essentially an isolated group from the region and there is no other analogue it is not strange to imagine they would adopt. In a similar vein, the Sami are related to both groups, and consisted on fur-hunting, herding, etc and so it was fairly natural to see them migrating from the northern Fennoscandinavian region and into the essentially unoccupied region of what is Russia where they is plentiful game and furs. Particularly given the Swedish and Norwegian expansions that would have likely displaced them.

The Vikings and the Viking Era was largely unchanged with one important distinction - the Great Heathen Army that invaded England was likely successful - for two reasons, one the Anglo-saxon armies were established around a fast and effective conscription system called the fyrds (or hirds, I forget which) which likely relied on horses to carry messages, and two, the Anglo-saxons themselves used cavalry in their warfare. Vikings did as well, but their mobility came from ships and raiding, and would have more easily adopted to this horseless world.

The Migration Period that marked the end of the Roman Empire was fairly similar, though it was Carthage that came to power in this reality, the thing that spurred on the Migrations was poor weather, and the tribes that had been pushed westward by horse-tribes would likely have also been pushed westward by the tribes of this world. Slavs and Scythians have a fierce reputation after all - with both being claimed to be cannibals.

Both Poland and Lithuania, despite historically being founded on cavalry, emerged. However not at all how we know them - they are more a multi-ethnic blend of Slavic and German/Scandinavian.

Further west, Frisia remained undislodged and unified the local region without the need to battle Franks. France is completely different, it is Gallica, the land of the Gauls. Without the extensive conquest and romanisation that Gaul suffered under the romans, they retained their identity and their culture/religion/etc. Gaul absorbed the migration as they settled in their land, and because of this only really Italy and the Balkans were impacted. Both by Goths. The HRE of our world essentially became the constant feuding of the Goths. Without a roman legacy and with the carthaginisation of Italy, which had little emphasis on actual carthaginian identity (the Carthaginians didn’t assimilate cultures, they essentially integrated them as allied states) the Goths never really try to stylise themselves as Romans and instead remain Germans.

Without horses, there was no Arab conquests, Egypt experienced a revival with Phoenician trappings. The Turks that would invade and conquer Anatolia in our reality were absorbed by Persia as happened in our reality, but they did not expand much further as the middle east fractured into ancient states trying to rebirth until an eventual sort of split between the largely Arab/Iranian Mashriq and the Assyrians.

Beyond Europe, I can see the Mexican states such as the Aztecs, Mixtecs, etc, continuing on and growing more powerful but never really unifying due to their religion. the Mayans would probably end up effective client states. The Inca would likely come to be the kickstarter of a bronze/iron age style development like the Romans did for Europe. North America it’s likely that the Great Lakes would be the sight of the first big empire there. I would imagine that if anyone gets there it would probably not be in the same vein as the Spanish - as the Carthaginian legacy would be trade and not outright conquest like the Romans.

It’s also likely that none of the abrahamic religions take off, I see a monotheistic version of norse or celtic as much more likely. Punic would be in there but given the fact that the celts and the norse would be the real cultural drivers in europe, I doubt it.

/shrug

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gayruthven · 7 years ago

Text

history and inspiration for the character lord ruthven + the similarities between him in the vampyre vs. tcsov

read a short story that was published in 1816 in spanish class lmao and i decided to write this post for fun its long as fuck but honestly a interesting read if u want to know more than u need to abt lord ruthven

here is a link to where you can read the vampyre. its really good but really outdated and hard to read soooo theres a pretty detailed summary in this post.

a quick backstory for the creation of the vampyre and the man who was used unwillingly as the inspiration for the original lord ruthven:

in the year 1816 a famous french poet named lord byron (he was considered very edgy for his time and everyone thought he was sexy, dramatic and scandalous lmao) rented a house at lake geneva in switzerland for the summer (he fled england due to his divorce to avoid social fallout- some say he was actually driven from england due to the possibility he would be outed as bisexual, which he was). his personal physician john polidori accompanied him and his lover claire clarement made arrangements to be in switzerland at the same time and bought along her step sister, mary wollstonecraft godwin as well as mary’s lover, percy bysshe shelley.

1816 is famously known as the year without a summer due to a huge volcanic eruption in modern day indonesia that caused a majority of the northern hemisphere to be covered in a thick layer of ash. so despite it being summer, it was very chilly and the sun was dimmed due to the fog to be red and it happened to rain a lot. because of the atmosphere surrounding that summer, lord byron spent a majority of his days reading ghost stories and decided to challenge his companions to each write a horror story of their own.

that summer lord bryon worked on a piece published in his collection fragments of a novel. it featured a dastardly, possibly supernatural nobleman. john polidiri, who had previously written what mary wollenstein godwin described as horrendous was about a woman with a skull head lol, and after reading the fragment polidiri was inspired to write the vampyre. its claimed he kinda completely copied the fragment, i haven’t read it and can’t talk abt it cause this is supposed to be abt lord ruthven lmao. he decided to model the devilishly attractive lord ruthven after lord byron himself (which sucked for lord byron cause that really wasn’t good for his public image). the two of them had a thing- this woman macdonald once described polidiris jealous outbursts and tantrums over lord byron. it was sorta like a angry ex demonizing their past partner lol.

before i move onto the differences and similarities between the two lord ruthvens here is a summary of the vampyre:

the story the vampyre tells the tale of a attractive young man named aubrey. both lord ruthven and aubrey appear as newcomers in high class parties in london around the same time. everyone, including aubrey, find themselves oddly fascinated with lord ruthven due to the intensity of his stare, his wicked handsomeness and his strange paleness. after becoming entranced with lord ruthven, aubrey is invited to accompany on his trip throughout europe. already being expected to travel in order to truly be considered to have reached adulthood, aubrey jumps at the opportunity.

as they travel together aubrey starts to notice some REALLY WEIRD shit about lord ruthven. the guy loves to gamble and gives his money away to the people very often, but only people who use the money for their vices who don’t really need it. lord ruthven tries to seduce a young italian girl, but aubrey ruins that for him and decides it would be wise to distance himself from lord ruthven and travels to greece alone.

once in greece aubrey falls in love with a woman. or, well, he likes the fact she doesn’t love him and that it would be absolutely ridiculous for him to ever want to marry him. basically he finds comfort in his attraction to her cause it means he DOESN’T REALLY like lord ruthven lol. she tells him stories about vampyres living the woods by athens, which aubrey thinks is absolutely ridiculous.

after failing to make it to town after tending to something important, he gets caught in the woods after nightfall and has a encounter with a vampyre who kills the woman he was in “love” with and after a close encounter with the vampyre, he is saved by the towns people appearing flares.

aubrey is bedridden after this incident and loses his mind a bit. he curses ruthven quite a bit in a crazed daze, yet comes to his senses one day only to realize he was being nursed to health by no other than lord ruthven himself. aubrey accepts ruthvens kindness and they decide to put their past agreements behind them and travel together again.

lord ruthven gets murdered in a run in with some bandits. upon his death bed, aubrey is forced to swear he won’t tell anyone anything negative about lord ruthven for a year and a day after his passing.

when he returns to england, it’s around the time when aubreys younger sister is finally about to enter society. she is very excited that aubrey will accompany her. but after attending his first party upon his return, he is pulled aside by someone who whispers for him to ‘remember his oath.’ its lord ruthven and that fucks aubrey up.

he loses his mind a bit, which delights lord ruthven, and stays locked in his room mostly. he receives news one day that his sister is getting married and hes absolutely delighted! however, when he opens the heart locket she keeps around her neck he discovered the photo of the person inside of it is none other than lord ruthven.

aubrey tries to get them to cancel the marriage. he fails, dies, and then his sister is killed by lord ruthven on the night of their wedding and he mysteriously disappears.

its a very gay coded story that is REALLY GOOD so heres a link abt that

FINALLY the parallels between the two lord ruthvens relevant in tcsov:

lord ruthven in tcsov is obviously inspired by the one featured in the vampyre. two easy similarities is their lack of one eye and the fact their both highly regarded noblemen. their charisma is strongly attributed to their supernatural powers.

in each piece of media, a young man becomes fascinated with them. while it isn’t as present in tcsov, it’s obvious lord ruthven is attempting to groom noe. which i believe is even relevant in their first encounter, despite ruthven not necessarily being aware of noes importance yet. lord ruthven holds noe against his chest when he melts the ice, forcing them to be in a position one would describe as affectionate closeness.

similar to how aubrey is described as lord ruthvens curiosity, i believe the same applies to lord ruthven and noe. lord ruthven in tcsov’s acts of kindness towards noe remind me greatly of when lord ruthven tended to aubrey when he was bedridden. while i do believe lord ruthven in the tcsov does indeed feel some sort of affection for noe, its pretty obvious their acts of manipulation.

him renting out the entire restaurant he brought noe to forces them to be isolated. he claims it was his favorite and says the reason why he rented out the establishment was because he wanted to have a leisurely talk with noe. this is supposed to make noe feel like hes receiving special treatment, similar to the way lord ruthven in the vampyre lures aubrey into a similar situation when he invites him to travel alone with him.

the way he talks to other people in the series only furthers this point. while speaking to veronika or vanitas, he is incredibly apathetic and when he does smile its devoid of emotion. lord ruthven in the vampyre is described with these characteristics, as a cold, withdrawn man with a dead stare. this is contradicted only by his change of attitude when tending to aubrey. both noe and aubrey are lured into a false sense of safety.

another striking similarity is the fact they both put someone under an oath. while aubrey was manipulated emotionally by lord ruthven in the vampyre to swear he wouldn’t reveal anything that would harm lord ruthvens reputation, we’re all aware of that fun little scene from chapter 19 lol.

this oath ultimately drives aubrey insane that due to it hes unable to save his sister or anyone else who would ultimately become a victim of lord ruthven. while we havent witnessed what lord ruthven in tcsov forces noe to do yet, its easy to infer it will have similar results to noes mental health. perhaps as a result he’ll be forced to witness the death of someone he cares deeply about and blames himself for not being able to save them much like aubrey and his sister??

#the case study of vanitas #vanitas no carte #vanitas no shuki #vnc #lord ruthven #i spent a long time on this shit and its all rambling

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demos-cloud · 7 years ago

Note

Opinions on 3rd job designs? (as many as you feel like sharing)

I’m still very sick but I dislike responding to asks late so here we are! It’s quite long so everything is under the cut.

– Elsword –

Knight Emperor isn’t particularly bad at all. His design is generic but then again, Elboy’s Imperial path has always been that of the traditional RPG knight. I like the addition of his eyes turning blue as a result of the El’s influence, but it’s not consistent with Elboy’s other two classes so… Shrugs. I find his Battle Ready passive to be a bit strong, especially with the first skill costing 20% less, but everything else seems pretty fine to me.

Rune Master looks weird. Rather, he looks and practically acts like Zelos Wilder (Tales of Symphonia) and so I can’t help but have see RuneM in that sort of similar, negative light. His stationary runes are a neat concept, but they’re stupid and kill my FPS and so I dislike him for that.

I’m not a big fan of Infinity Sword or his path in general, but I like Immortal’s design the most out of all of Elsword’s third jobs. I could do without the long hair, but I really like the slightly more casual tone in his outfit (that shirt especially, is really cool). It also feels like an intentional design to remind players that even with all his arrogance and battle-lust, Immortal is still essentially the same old Elsword. All his force change skills look pretty cool (although I’ve heard some of them are less than practical), but I would really like a change to his Master of Combat passive. That +20% damage to Conwell skills is. Really strong.

– Aisha –

Aether Sage’s new earth combo is super cool but I rarely get to see it used so that’s lame. I like her design a lot (I’m very weak to large lab-esque coats but that aside), and it feels like an appropriate advancement from Elemental Master. That being said, her backstory feels really lacking. There isn’t much detail and Aisha just seemingly gains all this power out of nowhere. Her chain skill options are… A bit odd as most of them are a combination of close-range + long-range skills, but that’s speaking as a non-Aisha player. Her passives, too, seem very underwhelming. I’m disappointed with her new hyper, Aether Immersion, as well. It. Feels like a rehash of her first hyper, Elemental Storm.

Oz Sorcerer on the other hand seems like a logical advancement from Void Princess, and her design is absolutely beautiful. I adore the consistency in her outfits throughout all her Rebellion jobs, and her hair is both fantastic both in artwork and in-game as always. Her force change skills are cool in concept, but not in practice. It feels the same for her combos but I can’t say for certain.

Metamorphy’s design is a bit iffy to me, but her new awakening is 💯💯💯💯. I’ve no qualms about her skills and I’m admittedly fond of how her new hyper is like. I feel like Metamorphy has too many stoic options, but again, I’m not an Aisha player so I can’t say much about that topic. I would’ve liked KoG to elaborate more on her backstory, however.

– Rena –

I quite like Daybreaker’s backstory, how it addresses the long-standing issue regarding Rena’s potential return, seeing as her mission has long been completed. Everything else about her though… Is a bit lackluster. I don’t understand the skin suit either. Why.

As for Anemos, I like her deeper connection with the spirits and Ventus, but everything else is not particularly appealing to me. Her design seems very nice in her promotional artwork, but the in-game model carries a very different feeling in comparison.

Twilight’s in-game model looks really poorly done. Actually her design as a whole seems a bit oddly done. What’s with the hole in the hood for her ponytail. Why a leotard? What’s with all the skin exposure? What are those rings around her ankles? Nothing makes sense and I am confusion.

– Raven –

I honestly feel like Furious Blade is one of the better third jobs released in the first wave. His design is very appealing and I like that he’s decided to utilize his Nasod arm as a means of improving his swordsmanship, rather than abandoning it completely. It’s nice that this transitions into his new Overpower passive, too, increasing the attack speed of Nasod arm combos. That being said, his passives seem very weak compared to other third jobs.

I don’t like Rage Heart’s hair. I’m also mildly bothered how Reckless Fist suddenly gained control of his Nasod arm. It doesn’t feel like a proper progression, especially given RF’s backstory and his views on his Nasod arm. Force Wild Charge is fun to watch when it bugs out though.

It’s interesting seeing Nova Imperator’s character progression, going from someone who hates Nasods, to someone who gradually opens up to their technology, to willingly merging himself with a Nasod core. There’s something about his legs that bother me, but overall his design is quite nice and solid. I do think recovering 40% HP upon death, as a result of his Last Resort passive, is a bit too much however.

– Eve –

Code Esencia’s passives are outright broken and although it pains me to say this, she really needs a huge nerf. Her force change skills are questionable, but I do like her new combos, and it’s wonderful seeing her show even more personality through her skills. I like her design, too, but there’s a few elements that bother me: what’s with the halos? Given their length, why not change her thigh high boots to just pants? What’s with the excessively large cape? Why did we go from descriptive names for her job paths to “Code: Esencia”? Code Architecture is a class who builds something (Oberon); Code Empress is an empress. Esencia means “essence” in Spanish, but what the heck is an essence?? I am confusion, America explain.

Code Ultimate is bad and I hate her so much. Her Nasod Weapon Restrengthening passive is nice to have, but why is it only spears?? What about all her guns? Those are Nasod weapons, too! Why is her Queen’s Wings passive RNG when Code Nemesis’ path is all about precision and lack of RNG??? Also what is with that b.s. backstory. There’s absolutely no relation to Code Nemesis, and there’s no character development whatsoever. All it does is create more unanswered questions. Anyhow Code Ultimate is dead to me and you can read more here if you want to.

Neophix and I were complaining talking the other day about how Code Sariel’s skill cut-in covers the entire screen. I still find her design to be very pretty though. Her Overload passive addresses her issues with long skill cooldowns as Code Battle Seraph, but her Evolution passive is flat-out useless… It makes me a little sad. Also force Giga Stream is outright broken, how did this get past quality control.

– Chung –

I feel that they went too far with Comet Crusader’s hair and crown, but I do like his overall design. It feels like a more refined variation of Iron Paladin’s armor. Both his passives need adjusting, they’re way too beneficial with little to no drawbacks.

I don’t understand Fatal Phantom’s coat things. Or the blue aura thing around his helmet in Berserker mode. His passives are stupid. Also guns do not work that way.

Centurion’s design feels pretty solid overall, but I dislike the inconsistency with the armor - true to his path line, it’s very bulky. …Except for his torso area. Don’t get me wrong - his jacket looks very nice, but it’s very noticeably out of place. The trend of Chung’s third jobs having stupidly strong passives continues.

– Ara –

“Vishnu is too masculine of a name for Ara so we’re demoting her, despite her previous job paths also having “masculine” names.”Vishnu’s passives are. Weird. It doesn’t help that the tooltips display incorrect information. Force Moonlight Slash is great except when it doesn’t drag mobs back and you end up completely whiffing your Dragon Arts. New combos are fun. Her design is definitely very pretty, too. One of the better classes from the first wave.

Brahmadeva is super pretty and her combos are also very fun. Passives are still weird. Force skills are better than Vishnu’s. She finally gets a strong magical attack modifier. Her backstory of slipping into insanity feels really half-baked (is that the right term?).

Shiva’s backstory is inconsistent with Asura’s but her design is still 💯💯💯💯💯. Passives are still weird. She kind of got scammed with her force skills lol. Also please give her something to wear under her robe, and a more practical spear. Her playstyle doesn’t change much, which is nice, but it doesn’t really feel like a job advancement either…

– Elesis –

I like Empire Sword’s design purely because it reminds me of her Savior class in Grand Chase. That being said, I don’t feel like it’s an appropriate progression from Grand Master. Her Tranquility passive is weird.

Flame Lord’s design looks weird. What’s with the skin suit that reveals just one leg? What’s with the whole “incarnation of fire” deal? Why is it not explained better? Why the awakening change? At least try to explain things better, KoG…

For a zombie, Bloody Queen is surprisingly very emotional. Also her shoes are the worst I’ve ever seen. I do like her overall design, though. Her Thirst passive is. Weird, to say the least.

– Add –

I’m lowkey crying as a result of the inconsistencies in Dominator’s backstory. It kind of makes sense, but at the same time, it doesn’t match up with MasterMind’s story. I know a lot of players are upset with his short hair, but I personally quite like it. His design is very solid.

Why does Doom Bringer not wear any socks. Why. That’s gross Add, put some socks on. I like how Doom Bringer retains the “add an extra belt-tail with each job change” that Psychic Tracer and Lunatic Psyker had. Much like Dominator, his design is very well coordinated. I was expecting him to retain some of the more classy clothing style he had as Lunatic Psyker, but I don’t mind his clothing tastes reverting back to that of a street gangster.

Mad Paradox totally ripped off of DFO’s Dimension Walker and no one can convince me otherwise. I’m salty. He doesn’t even look as nice as Dimension Walker. Also his passives are outright broken and incredibly stupid, and I’m so glad KoG realized this and proceeded to nerf their effects.

– Lu and Ciel –

Ishtar doesn’t look half bad, and it’s nice to see Lu gradually regain her true form throughout her Imperial line. Chevalier on the other hand… The fur coat is a bit excessive. I do like the retained trend of using French words (or related terms) for their class names, but I’m mostly neutral towards their designs.

I find Timoria and Abysser’s designs to be a bit on the messy side. There’s a lot of different elements in their promotional artwork, and it feels like they clash. I do like their character development and how they become two separate - but equal - entities. Their hats are dumb though.

Anular looks bad™. The jump from Demonio to Anular is very drastic, although the transition from Madness-state Demonio to Madness-state Anular is much more reasonable. Iblis’ hair is pretty but she also looks bad™. Her Madness state also looks very bad™. I find it strange how her shirt and dress eventually merge into her arms and torso, respectively, and the markings on her face seem out of place. Their backstory is also poorly written but then again, Lu/Ciel’s Transform path as a whole is pretty badly written.

– Rose –

Black Massacre’s design honestly looks pretty nice to me, though I can definitely do without the hat. I’m sick and tired of KoG trying to push F. Ranger as Rose’s “dark and evil” class, however. Her Research Target passive is flat-out broken. Why can it debuff mobs that are normally debuff-immune.

Tempest Burster is an abomination. KoG essentially took Storm Trooper’s design and turned her into the classic action girl who’s good for nothing but fanservice™. I hate her design almost as much as I hate Code Ultimate’s. Almost.

Prime Operator looks so beautiful and I am very gay. Unfortunately my heart remains loyal to MetalHeart, even through all of Drive’s attempts to sway me away. I’m a little bit sad that she doesn’t look remotely like a researcher, but hey, none of the Seven Shards members really look like researchers either. Also her in-game hair model is really ugly - it’s just a block of waves; it reminds me of uncooked instant ramen noodles…

I also like Minerva’s design, and I must admit I like what KoG did to her Nitro motors. There’s definitely more emphasis on them and they do feel like they’ve been upgraded in an “Elsword”-esque way. Her hair is also very pretty, and I like how she went back to a more uniformed look, similar to Valkyrie.

– Ain –

I really like Richter’s design! …Though his non-Spiritualism hair bothers me. I’m not sure why, but something about it really bothers me. It looks very nice in Spiritualism mode, at least. His wings in Spiritualism mode are as beautiful as ever, too. His character progression is also consistent, which is always nice.

Bluhen doesn’t look much different from Erbluhen Emotion, in my opinion. It’s not bad, but I feel like more effort could’ve been put into his design. Also his passives are too strong yo.

I miss Apostasia’s let-down hair and his eyes, but Herrscher’s hair and eyes are also very fantastic! They both look great in-game too, which is a huge bonus. Although I feel that Ain’s Transform path’s story is a big stretch (and a bit… out of character), I appreciate how consistent KoG has been with each stage. His deteriorating body is also very appealing, though I’m definitely going to miss the eye-themed wings from Apostasia’s Spiritualism mode.

...And that’s all of it! Thank you for the ask anon, this was enjoyable for me to think about and answer. It definitely helped to take my mind off of my sickness as well, haha.

#Canticum de Camellia #Rozen gets an Ask

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