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mxliv-oftheendless · 2 years ago

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Strangers with Memories

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY PEOPLE!! Or, if you don't like Valentines Day, it is also the birthday of @ladyshandioftheendless!!! So as a birthday gift, here is a story that dives back into the KISSteriaverse! Fair warning, this is gonna get REALLY SAD, which is ironic considering it's Valentines Day lmao (totally didn't do that on purpose... except I did lol). I was inspired to write this after listening to the song "Strangers" by Taemin, which is actually where this story's title comes from, and which you can listen to HERE if you want before reading this story! It's a beauuuutiful song.

Enjoy! And happy birthday, Shandi!!

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Nikki hasn't seen Starchild in years. He hasn't even been to KISSteria in years. But he wants to prove to himself that he's moved on from everything that happened, that he could see Starchild and not feel heartache. He could do this... right?

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Nikki could do this.

It had been years since what happened. He hadn’t seen Starchild at all in those years. He steered clear of any diplomatic meetings with KISSteria (Vince would mercifully explain it away saying he was sick), he avoided any news about KISS on Earth, hell, he even avoided the “K” section in record stores. He hadn't looked at his hand in months, at the finger where a glowing purple string would have been tied… if it hadn’t been broken. He hadn’t even thought about Starchild in over five years. Their breakup and the whole mess around it involving demons and his possession was firmly in the past.

So when Vince got an invitation to come to KISSteria to renew Anarkia’s alliance with the KISSterians, Nikki felt like he could finally come along.

“You sure you’re good to come, dude?” Tommy asked as they got ready to leave.

“What are you talking about, Tom?” Nikki asked as he threw some clothes into a go bag. “Of course I’m good to come. You can introduce me to that royal court chick you keep seeing every time you go.”

Tommy laughed at that. “Yeah, sure. But listen… I know all… all that shit really messed you up. And I heard… um… he’s gonna be there. If you don’t wanna go…”

“I wanna go, Tom,” Nikki insisted. “I’ll be fine. Besides, we won’t be the only ones there. Aren’t the royals from Jendell gonna be there too?”

Tommy shrugged. “I dunno. Ask Vince.”

“Pretty sure he said they’d be there.”

“Alright, fine.” He punched Nikki’s shoulder with a grin. “Look at you, paying attention for once like a responsible person.”

“Fuck off,” Nikki laughed, whipping a shirt at him.

He could do this. He wouldn’t be alone there. It wouldn’t be awkward. Everything was in the past now. He could face the past. He could face what he’d done. He could face Starchild. He could do this.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

To Nikki’s delight, not only was the royal family of Jendell there, along with their aide, but so was Prince Michael and Nicholas from Hanoi. The two were accompanied by three young elves, who were practically climbing over each other as they gazed awestruck around the palace.

“Mikey!” Vince said gleefully, clapping the fairy on the shoulder. “Since when did you become a family man?”

The affectionate smile on Michael’s face seemed permanently fixed there as he watched Nicholas try to wrangle the three excited elves. “About a year ago. We found them outside the palace and decided to take them in.” He laughed as Nicholas had to run and prevent one of them from knocking over a decorative vase on a pedestal. “They’re a little excited to be leaving Hanoi for the first time.”

“Dude, we should show them the burn mark you made in the wall the first time we were here,” Nikki said to Tommy.

“Not sure why you’d wanna show that off,” Mick grumbled. “Didn’t they have to cover it with a tapestry cuz of your dicking around?”

“Sure did,” Tommy grinned proudly. “It’s been like, forever, and they still can’t get it out! I check every time we’re here!”

“I’ll bet you ten shots they finally got it out,” Nikki dared.

“Oh, you’re fucking on! I’m gonna go check right now!”

Mick sighed as Tommy dashed off. “I’ll go make sure he doesn’t wreck anything before the welcome ceremony,” he said resignedly, as though he was assigned this task every time they came to KISSteria (he was). He shoved his hands in his jacket pockets and trudged off in Tommy’s direction.

Michael just laughed as Vince went off to say hello to Nicholas. “You all certainly haven’t changed,”

Nikki just laughed, not really wanting to get into the complexities of that. I definitely have… “Yeah…”

He couldn’t help trailing off as he scanned the hall. There was Nicholas, laughing with Vince; there were the three young elves, chattering excitedly as they looked up at a tapestry; there was Ace—he supposed he should call him King Ace now—and his aide in conversation… where was everyone else?

“Looking for someone?”

Nikki turned to find Michael giving him a politely inquiring look. “Uh, y-yeah—well, no, I just—maybe…” he finished lamely.

He really didn’t like the knowing look on Michael’s face. “I am sure the Prince will be here shortly to welcome us.”

“Oh, good… A-And the Elder, too! She’ll be here too.” Nikki hated how awkward he sounded when he laughed. Fuck, what was wrong with him? “She’s the queen, so… yeah. She’s gotta be here too.”

“Nikki… I confess I was a little surprised to see you here. The last time we all gathered in KISSteria, Vince told us you were sick.” Nikki felt like the knowing look was cutting into him. “Are you all right being here now?”

Nikki’s stomach dropped. He knows. “I… Yeah. Yeah, I’m all right.”

Michael just slowly nodded, making Nikki feel far too exposed for his comfort. “I’m serious!” he insisted. “I’m fine! It’s just gonna be a few days. Seriously, Mikey, I’m fine.”

Thankfully, Michael just nodded. “All right. I am glad you’re feeling well enough to come this time.”

“Y-Yeah… me too.”

He could do this. When Starchild came through the doors to welcome them all, he wouldn’t shy away. He wouldn’t run away from him like a vampire running away from sun. He could do this.

As soon as he thought that, the doors opened, and the Elder swept into the hall, looking as intimidating and regal as ever. And walking just behind her…

Nikki’s heart skipped a beat. There he was. There was Starchild.

He looked better, Nikki thought immediately. He couldn’t help remembering how Starchild looked the last time he saw him; stressed, drained, upset…

Heartbroken, his mind whispered.

But he didn’t look heartbroken anymore. He looked better. His livelihood was back. The glimmer of life was back in his eyes, though it seemed a little softer now and less excited. And Nikki was suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to close the distance between them and…

But he stopped himself. He couldn’t. Starchild wouldn’t want that. He probably still didn’t want to even look at him, even though he probably knew Nikki would be here. Had he ever wondered how Starchild felt about things like that? About being forced to be in the same room as someone you loved or despised and not be able to express that? It was torture, having to stand there and pretend he didn’t have such a complicated history with Starchild.

And then suddenly the Elder and Starchild were right there, welcoming Vince to KISSteria. Nikki tried to focus on the Elder, instead of the man that stood behind her. He was just a few steps away. Nikki wished he was a mile away.

“And greetings to you, Nikki Terror,” the Elder was suddenly saying. “I am pleased you feel well enough to join us this time.”

Nikki was suddenly seized by a paranoid fear—did she know? Did she know what happened? Did Starchild tell her? He couldn’t tell anything from the pleasant smile on the woman’s face.

Calm the fuck down, Terror. Maybe she’s just welcoming you and commenting on how you haven’t been here in a while.

Nikki forced himself to calm down, giving her his signature smirk and an overdramatic bow. “Yep, I’m feeling great. And by the time I leave, you’ll probably be hoping I’m sick again next time.”

The Elder chuckled. “I don’t doubt it,”

As Nikki raised his head, his eyes unconsciously turned to see Starchild’s reaction. His heart leapt when he saw the smile on the man’s face. He was smiling at something Nikki said. Did that mean anything?

Nikki longed to be able to ask him. He longed to be able to get a moment alone with Starchild and ask him if that smile meant he was forgiven, if it meant Starchild didn’t hate him anymore. But he couldn’t. If Nikki wanted to prove he could face Starchild, he couldn’t do anything.

And so he let Starchild and the Elder walk away from them to go greet Michael and Nicholas. He breathed a quiet sigh of relief. He made it. One interaction had gone successfully.

“Dude, you okay?”

Nikki jumped at the whisper and realized Tommy was suddenly beside him. “Don’t fuckin’ scare me like that!” he hissed.

Tommy snickered. “Sorry. But seriously, you okay?”

Nikki blew out a breath and nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

He could do this.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A couple days later, Nikki found himself stuck at an event of some kind; a little party for the visiting diplomats, according to Vince. And so far, like these things always were, it was fucking boring.

He found himself keeping Mick company, sitting to the side while Mick talked to King Ace’s aide, who had introduced himself as Tomaziel. Mick had let it slip that he was originally from the Celestial realm, sparking a conversation between the two.

Nikki was trying to follow their conversation when he suddenly caught sight of a necklace hanging from Tomaziel’s neck. The pendant was oval, and covered with a turquoise finish, but Nikki could still see an eye through the turquoise. He couldn’t help looking a little closer at the eye, making out its brown color. That eye looked so familiar…

“Nikki, was it?”

Mick’s elbow suddenly nudged his side, and Nikki looked up to find Tomaziel looking his way. “Uh, sorry,” he said quickly. “I just… I saw your necklace.”

“Oh.” Tomaziel looked down at it with a smile. “I see. It’s lovely, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it’s nice.” Why did that eye look so familiar? “So, what’s with the eye?”

“Oh, well…” Tomaziel’s face suddenly turned a very light blue. “The one who gave it to me… it’s his eye.”

“You lucky bastard,” Nikki laughed before he could stop himself. “Your boyfriend gave you that?”

“That’s fucking weird,” Mick muttered as he took a swig of alcohol.

“Don’t mind him,” Nikki said gaily as he patted Mick’s shoulder. “He’s just jealous ‘cause he’s lonely.”

“Fuck you, Terror. I am not.”

Nikki ignored him, instead grinning at Tomaziel. “So, who’s the guy?”

Tomaziel laughed a little awkwardly. “Um… well…”

“Excuse me,”

Nikki looked up, even though he didn’t have to, already knowing who it was. Sure enough, Starchild stood behind Tomaziel’s chair with a polite smile. Nikki couldn’t help thinking to himself how handsome he looked in his formal purple robes. “Mind if I steal Tomaziel for a minute? I think Ace wanted to speak to him about something.”

Nikki didn’t say anything, just looked down at his drink. Mick waved a hand. “Sure, no problem.”

If Nikki had looked up, he would have seen Starchild’s smile widen ever so slightly. “Wonderful. Tomaziel?”

Tomaziel, who had been looking up at Starchild the whole time, set down his drink and stood. “I’m right behind you.”

Nikki couldn’t help watching the two as they walked away. Why wasn’t Tomaziel walking closer to Starchild? Why was he a few paces behind?

“Hey, dude!” Tommy suddenly plopped into the chair next to him. “That court chick is here if you wanna meet her!”

“Later, Tom,” Nikki heard himself say. He was too busy watching the two. Starchild had left the ballroom, through a door off to the side. Tomaziel was a few feet to the side, speaking to Ace. Then as Nikki watched, Tomaziel bowed his head, excusing himself, then turned and walked out the side door.

Something started to knot and twist in Nikki’s stomach. He knew that maneuver. He’d done it so many times before with Starchild. Did that mean… but they couldn’t…

Nikki suddenly shot to his feet. “I’ll be right back,” he said to no one. Then he made a beeline for the door.

The hallway beyond the door was dark as Nikki left the ballroom. The only light came from torches along the walls, casting the hallway in a dim glow. Nikki swiveled his head around, trying to figure out which direction he needed to go. They couldn’t be far.

And then Nikki heard it—muffled voices. He began walking in the direction he heard them, making sure to be quiet. He was about to turn a corner when suddenly—

“—want to steal you away and keep you in my bedroom.”

Nikki dove back behind the corner at Starchild’s voice. He heard a second voice stammer, sounding embarrassed. “I—Starchild!”

Nikki’s heart plummeted as Starchild laughed. That was Tomaziel.

“It’s true!” Starchild giggled.

A laugh from Tomaziel. “I would willingly go with you. It’s hard not being able to see you. Having this necklace, though… it does feel like I have a part of you with me.”

“Good,” Starchild sounded happy. “That’s the point.”

Something seized Nikki’s heart and began to strangle it as he heard Tomaziel sigh. Now he knew why that eye looked so familiar. He’d looked into that eye and its other thousands of times before.

“I missed you,” he heard Tomaziel say.

“I missed you, too. I’m so happy you could be here.”

“So am I. I couldn’t miss the chance to see you.”

“You came all this way just to see boring old me?”

“You…” whatever Tomaziel did in the pause made Starchild giggle, “could never be boring. And yes, I did. And I’d do it again, many times.”

Starchild laughed, and the sound made it feel like a knife was going through Nikki’s heart. He finally mustered up the courage to lean forward and peer around the corner.

There in the hallway were two figures. A torch flickered, and the flare of light made the stars on Starchild’s outfit and the silver detail on Tomaziel’s gleam for a moment. And as Nikki watched, the two of them hugged. And it was like they became one single being, the way they seemed to melt into each other’s embrace. The figure Nikki knew was Starchild rested his head on Tomaziel’s shoulder with a sigh.

“I’m so happy when I’m with you,” he said aloud.

A lump formed in Nikki’s throat. He couldn’t stay here. He had to get away.

So he sprang away from the wall and took off back toward the ballroom, not caring if Starchild and Tomaziel heard. He couldn’t focus on anything except the feeling of his heart breaking in his chest.

Starchild had moved on. He had moved on completely. It wasn’t just what happened between them that was in the past—Nikki was now in the past as well.

“Nikki?”

Nikki skidded to a stop right before he crashed right into Michael. It appeared he’d re-entered the ballroom, and thankfully no one was looking his way. Except Michael, who gave him a look of concern. “Is everything all right?”

“I…” Nikki’s throat closed up. He felt like crying. But he willed himself not to cry. He was not going to fucking cry. “I’m… I’m not… feeling good…”

Michael nodded. “I see,”

“W-Will you… tell Vince I’m gonna g-go to bed?”

“I will. Get some sleep. I’m sure you’ll feel better in the morning.”

No, he wouldn’t. It was a nice sentiment, but Nikki knew he wouldn’t feel better in the morning. “O-Okay. Thanks, Michael…”

And just when Nikki thought it couldn’t be worse, that was when he saw Starchild re-enter the ballroom and go over to the Elder. Nikki’s heart shattered all over again at the smile on Starchild’s face. He looked happy, far too happy. Nikki wanted to scream at him to stop looking so happy, that he knew where he’d been, and who he’d been with to make him smile like that.

“Nikki,”

Almost gratefully, Nikki turned back to Michael. The fairy’s face looked sympathetic. Stop fucking looking at me like that! “I want you to know, you can come to me for help if you ever need it. I know you prefer to do things on your own, but if you ever feel the need for help, you can always ask for it.”

Nikki almost didn’t want to say anything, because he was afraid he’d either start raging or crying… or even do both. He managed a nod, then willed his voice not to shake. “Okay,”

Michael reached out to pat his shoulder. “I will go tell Vince you left,”

“Thanks…”

But as Michael walked away, Nikki heard Starchild laugh, and his head turned before he could stop himself. Starchild was smiling and laughing as he talked to Ace. And there was Tomaziel, standing next to Ace and not talking, but his eyes fixed only on Starchild with a small grin of his own.

Nikki had never seen Starchild look so relaxed and happy. Not even when he was with you.

There was another stab of pain in his chest—his heart was shattering all over again. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that Starchild got to get back up and move on and even find someone else, while Nikki was alone and broken. It was like something inside Nikki was keeping him from moving forward. Why didn’t Starchild have something keeping him back? It wasn’t fucking fair.

He felt like hitting something, or crying. They were in the same room, full of people they had mutually known for years. They had known each other for years. And he really wasn’t that far away; he just had to walk a small distance and he would be right there, able to talk to him like they were old friends. But no, he couldn’t. Because they weren’t even friends anymore, were they? Starchild was miles and miles away, pretending Nikki was a complete stranger, and Nikki was alone.

Nikki dug his nails into his palms and finally turned away to leave the ballroom. He couldn’t do this.