#soul eater: a new madness consumes?

[pencilofawesomeness]

The JJK x TWST crossover that started living rent free in my head >:'D

Random Doodle Edition

Ahem, so, uhh, turns out the characters of Jujutsu Kaisen fit pretty well as Night Raven College students, temperament-wise, and that was all the excuse I needed. Yes the ages get funky but whatever. Happy high school AU except they still get cool powers and Trauma(tm). Just less than JJK canon so I count it as a win.

I also may or may not have written an entire oneshot (here on AO3) for some freshmen Satoru & Suguru bonding, featuring me still bullying Satoru over his funky eyes.

Image Text (and me rambling more) underneath the cut

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Gojo Satoru (of the Jupiter Clan)

Ignihyde Housewarden Year: Junior Species: Sky Dragon (Fae) Club: Movie Analysis Club Unique Magic: Six Eyes—pretty much just like canon Six Eyes. They can see far and wide and out of normal sight, and they can see magic in a highly detailed manner. They are also powered by magic that just, never stops ever, so he can decrease or increase the power/range at will to a degree, but technically, cutting off magic from them altogether will blind him. Also he has an inherited magic that he by no means asked for, which is, sad drumroll, Gate of the Underworld. (There are no shrouds in this AU, just me finding ways to forever make Satoru instrumental to the well-being of the world to his own detriment. I have waaaaay more thoughts about the "Jupiter Clan of dragons" and what that actually entails, but they are still jumbled and shifting, so. Maybe later.)

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Geto Suguru (of the Draconia Clan)

Diasomnia Housewarden Year: Junior Species: Night Dragon (Fae) Club: Equestrian Club Unique Magic: Magic-eater—can consume and nullify any spell and gain its base magic. With minimum side effects. Mostly. :)

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Satoru and Suguru are their usual brand of special-grade menaces, being the only two adolescent dragon fae in the world, buttttt they still inevitably become besties. With Shoko too, of course, who has no fear and will mess with them as they see fit.

Suguru is essentially Malleus in this AU, though in Suguru-fashion, he's way more stubborn when it comes to trying to catch up. (Translating him being new to sorcery to being new to technology was surprisingly low-hanging fruit.) Meanwhile I borrowed the Jupiter name/legacy because it was fitting and made the Gojo Clan into a long-lived dynasty of antisocial dragons who fist-fight and deal with Phantoms and recently accidentally became a tech empire, which is pretty close to the Sorcerer Family vibe a la TWST, if I say so myself.

There's definitely a lot of backstory I have in mind for the two of them. Neither of them beat teen parenthood (they are currently Malleus-aged, so 178 years old, but that's still teenagehood for a dragon/fae) and acquired children through various means, much to the consternation of their elders/court. I might develop/write more solid ideas later, but Suguru has a reverse characterization moment when he finds two starved/beaten human children (the twins) and begins his journey of losing all intrinsic racism via love, and Satoru still somehow gets his shit wrecked by Toji (probably a heist gone violent or something) and then finds out he had abandoned children: human Tsumiki and half-fae Megumi.

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Nobara Orientation Comic:

Nobara: Obviously, I'm going to get ~Pomefiore~ because I'm elegant and graceful. (And a badass queen, of course)

Mirror: The nature of your soul is... Savanaclaw

Nobara, getting dragged away from the Mirror by Maki: HEY WAIT A MINUTE! STOP MESSING WITH ME YOU DIRTY SMUGED HUNK OF JUNK AND I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I THINK OF—

(Nobara gets her reverse-Epel moment, but she adapts quickly. Especially because she still comes to have mad respect for Maki.)

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Ieri Shoko

Ignihyde Vice-Housewarden Year: Junior Species: Merfolk (Nurse Shark) Club: Science Club Unique Magic: Reverse—rewinds a target to its previous state within twenty four hours. The longer within the range, the harder/more magic it will take, especially for larger targets, so realistically her range is less. (For example, if someone cracked a piece of glass 24 hours ago, Shoko could restore it, but a day-old wound on a living being would be much harder.)

Making Shoko a mermaid was a joke to myself at first but then I liked it and it spiraled and now Nurse Shark Shoko is unironically one of my favorite things that I have drawn. The joke was right there too, but it's mostly fun to me because nurse sharks are docile and apathetic creatures, for the large part (they are still sharks lol), and I think match her temperament well.

Also when Satoru pestered the previous housewarden enough times to accidentally gain the title for himself, he made Shoko his vice (mostly because he trusted her) to make sure he never had to do the paperwork and the boring parts. She makes him do it anyway. To the dorm, she is less of a vice and more of a "dragon wrangler," which is still extremely appreciated.

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Zen'in Maki

Savanaclaw Housewarden Year: Sophomore Species: Human Club: Track & Field Unique Magic: N/A—Maki doesn't actually have magic of her own, but she is unnaturally resistant to most magic. She can, however, use magic/cast spells through a magic-capable familiar.

She befriended a phoenix when she was younger, having survived an encounter with a wild youth. (idk what I want the details to be but I think it would be cool if she had some related burns to it, with the idea that these creatures are rare and volatile and hard for normal humans to handle without high magic resistance.) His name is Torch because I don't think Maki would put that much thought into a name, so long as its not completely stupid sounding. I almost named the phoenix Jogo but I refrained for my own sanity.

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Inumaki Toge

Savanaclaw Year: Sophomore Species: Human Club: Board Game Club Unique Magic: Reality Speak—pretty much just how Cursed Speech works but with a world-friendly name. Also it can apply to inanimate objects as well. The power and scope of the command is proportional to the magic required.

Toge gets an overall nicer time in this AU because he doesn't have cursed speech 24/7 and therefore can speak normally. Though the idea of him being able to affect people/bend reality with his words does freak people out. I imagine he had a rough childhood nonetheless, because why not, leading him to be less verbal than he would have been otherwise.

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Okkotsu Yuuta

Diasomnia Year: Sophomore Species: Human Club: Board Game Club Unique Magic: Wraith Pact-maker—he can enhance/bolster a ghost's magic/presence through making a link with himself. It has to be mutual, and it can last for any duration of time, although actively using the link does require magic. The ghost in question gains magic and grounding from Yuuta, and Yuuta can use the ghost's magic, including their UM, if applicable. He can have multiple links, but the first and main recipient of this magic is his childhood friend Rika.

Between her longlasting connection with Yuuta and her brutal death, she is a more wraith-like and powerful ghost. Her unique magic was to copy other people's UMs, which Yuuta can use through her in short bursts.

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I didn't have space nor solid ideas for unique magics for the Hasaba twins and the Fushiguros, so I didn't do full bios for them. Later, perhaps. All of the girls are sophomores and Megumi is a freshman. Tsumiki and Nanako are sharing their social brain cell and trading stories of stupid things their dragon dads/older brothers/untitled guardians have done, while Megumi is helping budding-gamer Mimiko learn Pokemon strats. I love the idea of them all being friends, maybe after minimal difficulty in the girls' first year, likely on account of the twins being a little Sebek-shaped, in terms of wanting to be The Best Guards for Suguru, etc etc.

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I technically have way more ideas for other characters and other dorms, but, I will end this here, for now. I am trying to reign myself in lmao.

[meshaamem-li]

content I CONSUMED

idk this is just a list of shit I watched or played and stuff, ignore this I just like making lists.

rankings (my rankings are subjective and based on how much impact that thing had on my psyche, don't take it too seriously):

S A B C D F

(explanation about the rankings: B is good, C is fine, D is meh and F is bad, A is for "wow I really like this" and S is for "absolutely obsessed")

ANIME:

a silent voice

aggretsuko

assassination classroom

attack on titan

BNA: brand new animal

carole and teusday

darling in the franxx

death note

death parade

dungeon meshi

evangelion

fairy tail

full metal alchemist

full metal alchemist brotherhood

free

haikyuu

high-rise invasion

hunter x hunter

jujutsu kaisen

Komi can't communicate

kotaro lives alone

kuroko no basuke

madoka magica

Magical Girl Raising Project

my hero academia

noragami

ouran highschool host club

scott pilgrim takes off

soul eater

spy x family

stars align

summertime rendering

the disastrous life of saiki k

your lie in april

BOOKS:

percy jackson

CARTOONS:

arcane

avatar

back in the barnyard

bee and puppycat

big hero 6 the series

bojack horseman

carmen sandiego

danny phantom

ducktales 2017

fairly OddParents

glitch techs

gravity falls

hazbin hotel

helluva boss

hilda

how to train your dragon (the tv series)

infinity train

inside job

kim possible

kipo

lackadaisy

miraculous ladybug

murder drones

my little pony

Phineas and Ferb

rick and morty

rise of the tmnt

scooby doo mystery incorporated

She-Ra

steven universe

tangled the series

teenage mutant ninja turtles 2012

the amazing digital circus

the legend of korra

the owl house

the penguins of Madagascar

velma

wander over yonder

GAMES:

ace attorney

deltarune

detroit become human

genshin impact

hollow knight

mystic messenger

omori

project sekai

undertale

underworld office (small mobile game)

LIVE ACTION SHOWS:

BBC sherlock

merlin

the good place

queen's gambit

הפיג'מות

MOVIES:

101 dalmatians

a goofy movie

aladin

arrietty

atlantis

bambi

beauty and the beast

bee movie

big hero 6

bolt

brave

captain underpants

cars

cinderella

coco

cruella (I'm mad at how good it was)

deadpool

encanto

everything everywhere all at once

finding nemo

frozen

hercules

Howl's moving castle

how to train your dragon

inside out

kiki's delivery service

klaus

kong fu panda

lilo & stitch

marvel movies till endgame

meet the Robinsons

megamind

moana

monsters inc

mr. peabody & sherman

mulan

mune guardian of the moon

my neighbor totoro

nimona

onward

peter pan

pinocchio

princess mononoke

puss in boots

puss in boots the last wish

ratatouille

rise of the guardians

road to el dorado

robots

scary movie

scott pilgrim vs the world

shrek

sleeping beauty

snow white

spider man into/across the spiderverse

spirited away

star wars (original trilogy)

star wars (prequels)

tangled

the emperor's new groove

the fox and the hound

the hunchback of notre dame

the incredibles

the lion king

the little mermaid

the mitchells vs the machines

the nightmare before Christmas

the prince of Egypt

the princess and the frog

the son of bigfoot

the sword in the stone

toy story

treasure planet

up

wall-e

whisper of the heart

wreck it Ralph

zootopia

OTHER:

hermitcraft

sanders sides

here's my watchlist, feel free to suggest me stuff!

[witches-dream]

Franny's Soul Jam Eater master post

Soul Jam Eater is an AU crossover of Cookie Run Kingdom and Soul Eater. Originally spawned from the ideas of @/frenchifieart and @/98chao, it primarily focused on Pure Vanilla being a meister of a demon scythe Shadow Milk. Since then, I've expanded the AU to include many more characters.

What's Soul Eater?

This knowledge is essential to understand and enjoy the AU, so here's a quick summary. In this world, there are demon weapons, people who can turn into weapons, and meisters, people who wield such weapons. They attend the Death Weapon Meister Academy (or Shibusen), the principal of which is Shinigami, the God of Death. In this world, every living being possesses a soul, which can take on different forms and have a variety of different properties. For example, a soul becomes evil if it gets on Shinigami's list, witches have a different kind of soul, stronger people's souls are bigger, etc. Demon weapons can eat souls to become stronger, but only eating evil souls is permitted. The students' goal at the academy is to collect 99 evil souls and 1 witch soul to become a Death Scythe, a more powerful form of a weapon. All souls have their own wavelengths, and it's by matching those wavelengths that a meister and weapon can battle effectively. Some people, typically opposites who get along, match very well, while others who don't match at all will find the weapon being too hot or heavy to handle, or they'd just be not very good at fighting with it.

The manga and the anime have some differences in their canon, and I'm following the manga continuity.

THIS POST IS LONG SO THE REST IS UNDER CUT! :D

More terms and abilities:

Meisters can be anyone, usually humans, but in some cases they can be witches or even animals. Some meisters can control their own soul wavelengths to perform unique techniques, such as strengthening their attack or disabling another person's attack.

Weapons are able to receive and amplify the meister's soul wavelength, making both partner stronger as a result. This effect is even stronger when using Soul Resonance. In some unique cases, a demon weapon can wield another demon weapon, such as in the case of Liz and Patty, who are able to wield each other due to being sisters.

Soul Resonance. Partners that match well can use a special technique called Soul Resonance, where the users send each other wavelengths back and forth to amplify them. The technique allows the weapon to temporarily take on new forms and properties. During Soul Resonance, the users can also communicate with each other's souls almost telepathically.

Soul Perception. It's a technique that some meisters can use to perceive souls of other people. They can feel the presence of another person, or directly see what their soul looks like. Particularly talented meisters can even read another person's personality and intentions through the soul.

Witches. Witches are magical beings, usually taking a form of women bearing traits of certain animals they are themed after, for example, cat, snake, frog, mouse and spider themed witches are ones that play the biggest roles in the story. They can use a variety of magics, such as Soul Protection, a spell which camouflages their souls as regular human souls, transformation, which allows them to change their physical form, as well as their personal magics. Witches are driven by a natural instinct for destruction and thus are considered evil by default, although there are exceptions to this, such as a witch with regeneration magic. Other than witches, men who use magic are called wizards.

Kishin is a weapon who has consumed such a large amount of good human souls as to transform into a powerful and destructive being. Such a being is the series' main villain, who also possesses a god-level insanity wavelength.

Insanity/Madness. In the Soul Eater universe, it's a special kind of force that influences behavior and outclasses even magic. It is a force that resides in everyone to some extent, but beings who possess more of it are capable of doing things such as manipulating people, causing illusions and performing various psychological attacks.

Over the course of the story, many unique situations and abilities are explored, making it a world perfect for exploring in fanfics due its variety and flexibility :D

So, do i have to read or watch this?

You can to get a clearer picture of the AU, but you really don't have to with the knowledge that i summarized above. It's a very good story though and i strongly recommend it, especially if you like manga and anime, cuz this one's a shounen classic :P But, as is typical for this genre, I do have to warn you of sexual (often disrespectful) jokes, which are mostly concentrated in the first half.

So! Soul Eater manga, written by Atsushi Okubo, was running in 2003-2013 to a total of 117 chapters, while the anime, adapted by studio Bones, was running in 2008-2009 to a total of 51 episodes. As you can see from the years, the anime concluded earlier than the manga and thus has a different second half and ending. Which one you should watch/read depends entirely on your preference, as both are really really good. Like I mentioned, they have different canons, but they're not so different that you'd get confused in this AU :P

Ok what about the AU though

This pretty much isn't even a "cookies in a soul eater universe" kind of situation, but rather a seamless (i hope) fusion of both worlds. As such, there are major differences i want to get out of the way first.

Those aren't cookies, they're humans. Just cuz i prefer it this way, honestly.

There's no Shinigami and no Death Scythes or equivalent. The story of the creation of demon weapons might also be changed.

Instead of Shibusen, there's Blueberry Yogurt Academy, because that's what the original concept had, plus it's CRK's most plot-relevant school. There's possibly other weapon meister schools.

Due to no Shinigami, "evil souls" aren't a thing either; instead, when any person, creature, animal, etc. does evil things, their soul and body get transformed into what is known as a monster.

Demons exist but aren't really explored in Soul Eater. They take on a lot of different forms, mostly those of mythological creatures such as a siren, a cyclops, etc. In the AU, there will be more types of demons ;)

Let's talk about the cookies now

These are short summaries of characters who I've thought about. No guarantee every single one will appear in stories :P

Golden Cheese travels the world in search of legendary weapons. That way she found Mozzarella, Smoked Cheese and Burnt Cheese (in this order). She also then found Burning Spice, who was the biggest challenge to wield. She sacrifices a lot to make him fully hers, but in the end they become great partners. She has a very powerful soul and is able to use it to create wings, though not usually for very long. She has control of a small town near her castle, which started to quickly expand when she became queen.

Mozzarella is called The Radiant Golden Spear of Hathor. She is a spear that can not only change shape (while still remaining a spear), but can also use earth to summon more spears. She is very analytical and good with technology, and is usually in charge of strategy.

Burnt Cheese is The Divine Summoner Staff of Anubis who can summon jackals using earth, as well as creating walls out of it. Usually a man of few words, he holds strong opinions and is very rigorous. He prefers actions over words and is usually in charge of defense.

Smoked Cheese is The Cursed Smoking Staff of Horus who has control over smoke, which can possess various qualities, such as blinding or controlling minds, as well as taking control over normal smoke, steam and dust more generally. His defiant and sarcastic nature makes him seem disloyal, but that couldn't be further from the truth; he has his own strong views that he never betrays. He is typically difficult to get along with, but once you earn his respect, he will never leave your side.

Burning Spice, Shiva's Parashu of Scorching Flames, or the Great Destroyer, is an axe who has entered slumber a long time ago out of boredom. From time to time, people come to his temple out of greed or curiosity, but most don't even make it to the final room. If they do, he challenges them to a fight, and kills them if they aren't entertaining enough, and goes back to sleep. Goldie was the first to entertain him, so he stuck around, realizing too late that he's gotten attached. He has control over fire.

Mystic Flour is a meister who wields Cloud Haetae as her weapon, a hand fan. They can create clouds and fog, and Mystic has general powers over wind and air. In addition, she can use the powers of the Glass Noodle Dragon. By entering permanent Soul Resonance with the dragon, she has shrouded the Flour Peaks in a fog that isolates the place from the rest of the world, as well as providing a calming effect and making all who reside inside immortal. She is possibly the most powerful meister in the world, being an expert in Soul Resonance and Soul Perception.

Dark Cacao's situation is nearly identical to the original, just with a Soul Eater coat of paint. He defeated the dragons and sealed them in his (regular) sword, making it act somewhat like a demon weapon, with a few key differences. On the one hand, they're dragons and they're sealed and can't freely change forms. But on the other hand, they can still speak, and act as a sort of "angel and demon" on Cacao's shoulders, and they can perform Soul Resonance.

Shadow Milk, the Jester's Scythe, or his true identity, a fragment of the Beast of Deceit, tagged along with Pure Vanilla out of curiosity and became his weapon. Nobody knows who he really is, and he pretends to be just an ordinary weapon, which is helped by his shapeshifting abilities. As a fragment of a soul, Shmilk regains only some of his original power, but is still extremely strong. He possesses nearly all of the knowledge of his full form.

Pure Vanilla was an excellent student at the Blueberry Yogurt Academy and wielded the Vanilla Orchid staff, and was the sole survivor of the attack on the Spire of Truth&Deceit, after which he unexpectedly met Shadow Milk, and the two became partners. Thanks to his soul perception abilities, he is able to find out Shadow Milk's true identity. He is in search of his long lost friend, White Lily.

White Lily made a deal with the Beast of Deceit in pursuit of knowledge, and was directed by him to the Salt Flats, where she finds Silent Salt, a demon sword. Although she thought she was prepared, Shadow Milk's insanity wavelength affected her more than she realized, and she starts to gradually lose herself.

Kouign-Amann is a great and respected swordswoman meister of the Blueberry Yogurt Academy, but so far every weapon has left her because she was too reckless, and her soul wavelengths are difficult to match. She encounters Capsaicin in a pinch and has to use him to fight off a monster. They unexpectedly match pretty well and decide to become partners, though there are many hurdles to overcome in the future.

Capsaicin transforms into a large double headed axe and can burst into flames in either form. This power has hurt people in the past, so he is hesitant to release it; this fear and denial make his soul wavelengths irregular and hard to match. He was possibly created as an attempt to recreate Burning Spice.

Prune Juice - I have ideas for him, but those require a lot more work, so I will not be revealing them now :P this is because he's going to pretty much the driving force of the plot in the polychamps story.

Butter Roll is a demon weapon who turns into a whisk. He is a teacher at the Blueberry Yogurt Academy, and will have a role in the polychamps story.

Latte and Cream Puff are witches and are possibly going to have a role in the polychamps story.

Other characters

I do not yet have plans for these to appear, but I wrote down ideas about them :D

Milky Way is a meister and her weapon is Aurora Candy, a vuvuzela. Together they have powers over sound, and can make people fall asleep.

Cheddar Cheese wields Macaroni as his weapon, an umbrella.

Roguefort wields Colby Jack Cheese as their weapon, a cane.

The Story

There's going to be multiple stories which are loosely connected. The first one I'm writing is the Goldenspice story, titled "Destroy yourself, or save me". It happens after the events of the shadowvani story, for which I only have a rough outline as of now. The polychampions story happens after both of these.

Here's the chapter 1 of "Destroy yourself, or save me" (DYOSM????)

[little-devil-child-g]

Got this idea mid ArtFight and these doodles were just to blow off some of that steam before I exploded very sanely. (Read from left to right, ignore that some bottom pannels appear to connect to higher ones... I usually just screen shot the individual pannels but idk I'm trying something new)

My repulsive ocs but in the Soul Eater universe (I have not watched Soul Eater in years and this concept was on a whim so forgive me if this is unbearable to hardcore Soul Eaters out there) (also apologizing for my ocs tbh, they suck really really bad)

(Documentations of a mad man trying to scramble down his before they consume him)

[fcb4]

Israel, Palestine and the Two Ravens of Odin

“Then the carcasses of this people will become food for the birds and the wild animals, and there will be no one to frighten them away. I will bring an end to the sounds of joy and gladness and to the voices of bride and bridegroom in the towns…” -‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭7‬:‭33‬-‭34‬ ‭

The two Ravens of the Norse God Odin are called: Hugin and Munin. The translation of these bird’s names both involve the ideas of: “thought,” “desire,” and “emotion.”

Ravens are often associated with being eaters of the dead. The unclean birds that devour the slain of battle.

A raven eating a corpse is a gruesome image. To stand and watch someone’s loved one being dismantled and consumed by black beasts is a horrific terror for the mind and heart. Yellow eyes, shrill squawking in the fields sown with hell and horror is a picture that reaches into the depths of one’s soul and unsettles and unmakes us. Our fragile worlds, without and within, are disrupted, darkened and devastated.

It is a cold and brutal reminder that war eats out mind, heart and…hope.

Death 💀 is the end of desire.

In war, all that we have hoped for in our earthly lives is savagely struck down. Dreams and visions, plans and promises ripped out of our chests and stream over the burnt earth with blood and gore.

The Raven eats the victors and the defeated alike. The flesh of soldiers and the flesh of the innocents caught between invaders and defenders.

All are food for the birds of the air and only the wise know that vengeance is not a crown of victory.

Lately I’ve been sitting with Hugin and Munin at the confessional of my soul listening to all they have seen.

Tales of Terror in:

Burma

Ukraine

Africa

and now Israel and Palestine.

I’ll never escape the image of someone’s daughter being shoved into an suv with bloodied pants from being violently raped by Hamas terrorists.

I know that more horrors are to come. Victims and victors all bloodied by the cycles of justice and injustice battering cities to ruin and rubble.

Truly the sounds of joy and gladness are silenced.

Years ago in the aftermath of an endless list of people and places ravaged by violence, I wrote a poem after trying to help my kids process the world they were becoming aware of in their young lives.

It’s a poem that will never truly be fully written because the list of events won't end until the Prince of Peace returns.

Yet again I share it here as a witness to the long defeat we all must walk until our judgments come to account.

Odin’s Eye

Last night,

after talking to you,

yet again, I wept.

Massacres, mayhem and madness,

like crows gathered above my heart.

Their twitching, golden eyes,

saw my fears openly,

pecked at my scars,

dug into my wounds,

exposing memories.

A Van Gogh slain in the streets of Amsterdam,

high school halls filled with the dead,

lady Liberty’s towers falling in fire and ash,

theaters of gunfire echoing from Colorado.

Elementary playgrounds of unimaginable horror,

nightclub music silenced in blood and tears.

Norwegian summer camp butchering,

Paris brought to her knees,

Iraq in rubble, her teashops blown open by the breath of Apollyon.

Fort Hood.

Boston,

San Francisco,

beheadings, shootings, burnings and drownings,

blood trails behind the horses of the apocalypse.

I am father,

protector, provider, way maker,

and yet,

how many demons can I swallow for you?

Two generations born,

and still the fires of gehenna

burn.

At the well of wisdom, I sit,

Odin’s eye staring back at me in the depths,

what sacrifice can I give to see a new future born?

What I have witnessed, darkens my vision.

I gouge out my eye to quench your fires,

while birds of prey feast on our sorrows,

again,

and again,

and

again.

[personalitynexus]

Things I love about going back through and re-reading the manga that the muses come from:

In Soul Eater, you pick up on just how fucking intelligent Soul 'Eater' Evans actually is. He might not be smart in the same sense as Maka or Ox, but he provides crucial insight or makes plans on the fly thanks to remaining calm and level headed. The first 'prologue' chapter demonstrates this exceptionally well by using the ruse of being Blair's new weapon to get her to drop her guard long enough for the killing blow. It happens again several times throughout the manga, but one of the more notable times is when he saves Maka during their first encounter with one of the Clowns. She starts to get lost in the Madness, but upon getting her to resonate with him while consumed by it, manages to get her to realize that Madness isn't necessarily all bad, as Courage may be a type of madness all its own.

Point is, Soul is nobody's idiot. Sure, he's the cool guy, doesn't necessarily make good grades, and is laid back as fuck, but he tries and often sees an answer that most people don't think of.

[turnupswritessometimes]

tagged by @holographiccs

LAST SONG: Cruel Angel's Thesis from Neon Genesis Evangelion (the brainrot is real but the opening is a jam.)

CURRENTLY WATCHING: I am at the cinema watching the new Ghostbusters! But I'm also still watching Dungeon Meshi and I'm going to get round to the NGE rebuilt films. (I am generally very bad at watching TV shows.

THREE SHIPS: Oooh, my short attention span could never!

Um...

1.) AshEiji (Banana Fish), becuase I'm never not thinking about them. I still have like four unfinished fics in my notes for them.

2.) Hmmm probably Vanitas/Noe from Vanitas no Carte, because vampires! And idiots! And vampire idiots who can't deal with their emotions.

3.) The crossover ship that I just finished publishing on a03, Alice from Alice Madness Returns/P from Lies of P. I captain this ship now! They're both just incredibly interesting on their own, and together, even more interesting to explore!

FAVOURITE COLOURS: Red and Blue but apart from each other, if that makes sense.

CURRENTLY READING: I've just finished The Eyes of the Dragon by Stephen King; very good, very different voice for him, and very few Kingisms! I'm halfway through The Bell Jar too, but that's harder work...I also started Elle McNicoll's new book, Keedie, because I loved A Kind of Spark. (Yay, autism rep!)

CURRENTLY CONSUMING: pre-cinema Macdonalds

FIRST SHIP: Ahhhh, I have no idea?? I think the first ship I ever wrote for was Soul/Maka from Soul Eater, so maybe them?? Or the Fruits Basket crew??

PLACE OF BIRTH: Where Jane Austen was born 🤗

CURRENT LOCATION: Where Jane Austen hated living 🤗

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Want a relationship, can't deal with dating apps.

LAST MOVIE: I re-watched Penelope (2007) whilst eating the other night; it's one of my very favourites. Definitely recommend!

CURRENTLY WORKING ON: Officially I should be writing the Indiana Jones has a daughter middlegrade novel for camp nanowrimo but that's not going well lmaoo. Also working on not-AshEiji celebrity AU, and toying around with a fancylad boyprince/tough loyal knight thing that has no plot but big vibes.

(And a KawoShin fic is deffo in the works!)

ppl to tag: anyone who feels like talking about themselves! But umm @duraraross and @howtotrainyourmerlin

[resbang-bookclub]

AMA Transcript: Soul Eater: A New Madness Consumes?

Next, @emiralnova (Ryu on Discord) stopped in to talk about her Resbang, Soul Eater: A New Madness Consumes? Here’s some of what went down:

Q: What made you think of the plot? Did you know how you were going to end it before you started writing? (I really loved the canceling out concept).

Ryu: Lolololol what is plot? I didn’t have too much of a plan going in. I had their mission sorta laid out, but after the mission I winged it. I feel that writing this was a tad difficult because I wanted to stay in canon and omg never again lol, but it was really fun and satisfying towards the end.

Q: Do you feel like your writing style grew/improved while writing? Was there anything you wish you could have included or that you cut out?

Ryu: I think I improved a little just by the act of writing, which I need to do more of, lol. And I think it was jaded who mentioned “what happened to Maka's christmas gift?” and that kinda got lost in the end, my bad lol.

Q: Do you have any favorite beta comments you’d like to share?

Ryu: Omg there was one thing that marsh said: 'Be the laxative Soul.'

Q: Was music important to your process at all, and if so, are there any songs/playlists that were relevant?

Ryu: I tend to not listen to music when I write cause it distracts me. Unless it fits the mood I need. But usually, no music.

Q: What are you most proud of in this bang?

Ryu: I think I’m really proud of what I did with the mission to the moon and rescuing Crona. Like, I had to plan out what I wanted and it was like a few days before posting, so I crunched it out. And I pulled the whole cancel out and 8 kishin horcruxes out of my ass, but it worked out.

Q: What are you working on next?

Ryu: I am working on nothing writing-related atm.

Q: Was there anything in mind that you wanted to do with the Christmas gift? :0 Like, if the notion hadn't slipped away?

Ryu:  I sorta wanted a more romantic scene to happen and it was supposed to happen before Maka collapsed. But that scene ran away from me so it didn’t work out ^^"

Q: Okay your villain was so interesting, how did you come up with that concept?

Ryu: Oh, the wizard. So like during my first Resbang, I had a dream that basically took place in Brazil at the monolith and there was a guy that was there and was speaking mysterious words to Maka, and that is sorta what I pulled on the entire first mission. His design is slightly based on that one antagonist in BNHA. Slade? Shade? I forgot his name. STAIN, HIM.

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/263055402583851008/409538871441883138/tumblr_o9sua1jpR61vux8v6o3_400.gif

Ryu: Like his posture and hair and skin were the same. [He’s] maybe less thug and more old and evil.

Q: What's your writing process like?

Ryu: I definitely work better when I plot out my shit point by point, so if I were to deviate, it can happen but at least I had a point for the scene. And it was hard cause of laziness buttt the checkins really helped me decide what would actually happen.

Q: Is there anything you wish you could change?

Ryu: I kinda wished I had more time so that I could maybe have a better ending. I feel like the cancelling out was good for the circumstances, but it felt like cheating to me, but it largely worked out and I was ok with it.

Q: Why the amazon?

Ryu: Hmm idk. I think the guy I liked at the time was half Brazilian so I just… made it so. But it wasn’t done in the fandom yet, so I felt that Brazil was a safe place to host my mission. And I also pictured tons of trees and tropical areas. So… Brazil.

Q: Who is the Wizard? Does he have a real name? Is he actually Mabaa's brother?

Ryu: I didn’t have a real name for him. And it’s rumored but not confirmed, like I said in the fic.

Q: Do you think your view on characters changed or anything as you wrote?

Ryu: I felt like I was stretching Maka’s mindset during her fall out but it was okay? I think? Whenever I think of Maka, I tend to imagine her as like this brave, no nonsense sorta girl that wouldn't really let her emotions hold her back? At least that is what I struggled with this whole fic. But I think I did the best I could to try to make it realistic, and I think that sort of helped balance Soul out because he seemed to be the most put-together of the two. And I sorta drew my inspo from the sloth chapter from the manga to help me cement some of Maka's guilt.

Q: Did you have a fav moment in the fic. Mine is def chew toy Soul.

Ryu: Omg I love that part. I feel like my favorite part would be Crona and Maka reuniting. I think I teared up a little writing that scene. I felt guilty about Rag. Like, I wanted to save him too, but the black blood held me back.

Q: I really liked that he did the good thing in the end though. Like, he actually gave a shit.

Ryu: I struggled with that at first cause I didn't just want to get rid of him for no reason other than the blood thinning or something. I think it would've redeemed his character a little, so I was really happy with that. The ending for me somehow pulled itself together at the last minute lol.

Q: Were there any parts you had to rewrite? :0 And if so, why?

Ryu: Ughhh so the fic started with Spartoi waking up as animals??? That was the original beginning, and that was supposed to lead into the Brazil mission. But when I started to plot the story out, the story turned out much darker than I intended and so the beginning didn't fit anymore. So i had to start from scratch. At some point I wanted to rewrite first half so that the story became more linear than having the flashback, but I didn't have time for it. ^^" I did rewrite some paragraphs, but that was basic editing. I found that later, when I was in the writing process, there were some passages that were weak and long, so I cut a lot of stuff out, and rewrote them to fit the tone.

Q: Was there a scene that was your least fave to write?

Ryu: I feel like the Death Room meetings dragged me, but I had to do it. Also I have a thing where the death room is the place to spam info into dialogue. So in the future, I kinda want to deviate from the room for more nuanced info dumps

Q: I love that you dealt with witch relations and all those post canon dynamics, was that always the plan?

Ryu: i sort of wanted to play with all the things that happened after the manga happened, so it just worked out that the witches were there and I was dealing with magic/kishin stuff lol. And that Kid would need to prove himself somehow. I think Kid ended up being more of a central character than I intended, but he is a Shinigami after all lol. I wish I did more with Black Star and Tsubaki, but I have trouble writing them. ^^"

Q: What would you have done with B*S and Tsu, any ideas? :0

Ryu: Hmmm, I wish i could've used them as more plot devices instead of comic relief. Like maybe Black Star could've been more involved with... idk, something serious lololol. In which then Tsubaki would also come into play. I figured if anything, he would at least be there to give some advice and common sense in a funny way :D

Q: How did you come up with the whole cutting up Asura thing? And btw I love that it's acknowledged in fic how gruesome it is.

Ryu: Hmm I’m not sure how it happened but I knew I needed something to happen to Asura once he fell, and my instant reaction was 'cut him up into pieces.' We needed some blood in here, and the spreading it across everywhere sorta made sense as well to me. I didn't intend for it to be like 7 horcruxes, but it [was]. Whoopsss, sorry JKR lol. So yeah, it was mostly a kneejerk reaction. Because if the skin bag didn't work, well ok, let’s cut him up then lol. And he's immortal as well, so Kid had to do something!

Q: Do you think you'll do Resbang next year or any other big projects? :D It sounds like you grew and learned so much from it!

Ryu: I don’t have any active plans. I do have a few AUs on a list but they're hard affffff. Like Evangelion AU. That universe is like a trip and a half, so I don’t think I’m ready for that yet lol. In the meantime, I’m still mulling over my own OC universe I've sat on for ages. But who knows what'll happen this year. We'll see.

---

Thanks to Ryu for stopping by! Stay tuned for more transcripts!

[nissakii]

Significance of “Madness” in anime

We’ve already established in other posts about significant emotions and concepts in anime or specific media before. The Significance of losing or the one of visuals and metaphors in Haikyuu!! are some of those I would love to mention here, but today we shall delve into a broader topic that goes more along the lines of Makii’s thrilling post about Danganronpa and the Significance of Despair.

Today, our topic of interest is madness.

To ease your mind, in this post we will be talking about the representation of insanity and madness in some anime characters and how that reflects on the story and ourselves as an audience.To make one thing clear, a lot of the times we see overexaggerated versions of unstable characteristics in anime that aren’t realistic.

This is in no way a discussion about actual mental illnesses and not a professional approach to analysing them to our real life standards, but maybe a start to an interesting discussion about how we portray and handle what one may colloquially call “craziness”.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s start!

Artists, and no matter for example if they write or draw, use their platforms to deliver messages in cryptic ways. As humans, we have the innate ability to look at something and consume the facts through entertainment which makes us crave new media to follow and analyse.

We love to question things instead of just taking them as they are, and that is why most writers out there will play around with the perception of their audience.

You may be familiar with the common question that ghosts through your head as you enjoy the latest episode of your favorite anime.

Why did he do that? Is she a traitor? What makes them think that way?

Although one might always do it consciously, we most definitely analyse whatever media we consume and decide for ourselves if it is important enough to keep in mind for future reference.

What the writer or founder of the anime ultimately wants from the reader is a reaction.

No matter what they intend to do with it, if they enjoy the viewer getting excited or traumatised is not of importance, but a reaction is evidently one of the goals. 

And as strong emotions always evoke an even stronger reaction, anime characters are often very idealized and have ideologies that make them want to do one particular thing.

Be it save the world or destroy it, we focus and look at these characters and root for them if they give us a reason to do so. 

Both sides of good and bad can have deeply rooted admiration drawn out of us, and it sometimes doesn’t even matter because the more interesting part is the lovely grey area in between. 

We need a balance of good and bad to enjoy both.

Empathy makes us viewers want to relate to the characters, and if the author gives us the possibility to learn why someone does something, it gets harder and harder to dislike them. That’s why tragic backstories and flashbacks are such an overused tool in anime, because with the extreme behaviour some characters show they also need equal amounts of redemption.

We attach ourselves emotionally to characters depending on our personal tastes as well.

If someone likes and relates to a strong and independent protagonist who would drop anything for the sake of justice, you will find a lot of resembling characters in shounen for example.

On the other hand, if a darker or more obsessive character manages to take over a special place in a viewer’s heart, putting them on a pedestal gets more and more interesting, because you’re not supposed to.

Contrary to that, characters with insane or dark personality traits are often very popular, again tracing this back to human instinct of emphasising with wronged characters and curiously inspecting the fully deranged ones.

As this isn't something that should be put into vague concepts, we’re instead going to look at examples of characters and entities that are seen as ‘mad’ and how they’re interpreted.

It’s not just about villains being unreasonably immoral in this post, as we look into what madness entails and how it's shown, we also have some examples of corruption to look at.

So of course there are the typical evil-thinking evil-doing villains out there. 

Some of them have an actual backstory to make them more realistic and believable, some others are just pure evil. While they are often called mad for their actions to achieve their goal, the reason why they are put into that light is the stark contrast between the protagonist and the villain.

If the protagonist loves to save people and always has a smile on his face, of course he will differ from his counterpart when he finds out that his methods are a bit more vicious.

The protagonist perceives the villain as insane most of the time, but what does the viewer think?

We seek to look not only at characters that are enjoyable to watch, but also try to find similarities between us and them or draw lines in their behavior to understand them better. As mentioned before, empathy plays a huge role here as well, since whatever happens in anime doesn't have actual repercussions, we can forgive characters more easily. 

For example when they are taken by Insanity as a side effect rather than being insane due to trauma, we often get an 'ally turned traitor' trope through hypnosis or brainwashing, which is just as interesting to look at. 

If a person did something horrible under the influence of something they had no control over, are they still to blame? 

Does Insanity only involve a separate entity that comes from evil, or are we also looking at the gradual descent into darkness when life just isn't the same anymore? 

Insane and with no fear: Soul Eater

A great example of how insanity plays with characters be they good or bad is Soul Eater. 

With a premise that one needs a sound mind and body to inhibit a sound soul, we obviously know that people close to becoming Kishin-eggs will have a rotten soul drenched in bad deeds, but what about the good guys? 

In this instance we have a lot of different types of madness and insanity that touches multiple characters at different times, and by far the most drastic would be the black blood. 

The black blood being a synthesized weapon form of blood that can change form and harden into shape, is a weapon made by Medusa and introduced for the first time with Crona. He was melded together with Ragnarök as a weapon and used the black blood in his proficient fighting style. 

Soul Eater as well as Maka and other characters later come into contact with the black blood, and the consequence of the immense strength that comes with it is debilitating madness. 

As explained in the anime, the madness makes one deny the soul of oneself and others and takes away your fear. Now with no fear present, the person exhibits extremely erratic behavior and is not scared to hurt others or themselves.

This is an insanity that shows how essential a person's fear is, shown by Maka in one of the latest episodes when she fights Asura. The fact that she learned how to accept her own fear and realise that humans need it to survive is why insanity in Soul Eater is merely a concept to differentiate between what is human and what is Kishin. 

A Kishin kills and murders with no fear of anything. 

A human protects and masters one's own fear. 

The power hungry insanity: Hunter x Hunter

In Hunter x Hunter we have a lot of characters that don't exactly fit the norm of human action. 

With people like Chrollo, Illumi and even Chimera Ants there is enough crazy to go around. 

Still, the character we shall delve into to look at a different kind of instability is none other than Hisoka Morow.

Yes, in comparison to black blood madness Hisoka is an actual human being with no known influence outside of his own intellect. The contrary to another weapon or entity making someone insane is being shown in this anime.

Hisoka is just insane. 

We have no means to see if there is anything that might have caused Hisoka to be the way that he is, but what we do know is that his character is almost too nonchalant for his own good. 

His goal is to accumulate power and fight others that he seems worthy, as that is what attracts him. No person is spared if he believes he found a worthy opponent he will make that clear to them and pursue them passionately. 

We could rule that the clown is just eccentric, but with the given information from the anime he definitely had some sort of mental difference next to his peers. Harming himself holds no problem to him, and his behavior is deeply rooted only to suit himself. He has no self-preservation except for when he needs to accomplish something, and he even enters the spiders just to get close to Chrollo. 

Now we see a single person carry themselves throughout a story only to achieve one thing: a good fight. 

After having looked at these two examples of insanity in anime, let's look at how that insanity can be portrayed visually. 

A famous way to show someone's psychosis is the “Kubrick stare”. A directorial technique that got named after the director Stanley Kubrick who used a forward tilt of the head with eyes locked onto the camera to show the actors of his movies at their peak of madness. It became a very popular stylistic device and is used still very often in modern movies.

The character is supposed to look menacing, evil-plotting and absolutely unhinged.

Such devices, if used often enough, automatically invoke the message to the viewer.

If you’ve seen the Kubrick stare once in a psychotic character, you will definitely associate it with the same derangement again.

In anime we have a similar thing, and you might be aware of this already.

Familiar with the ‘eye angle just before a character goes insane’ meme?

It’s a running gag that shows multiple characters such as Asura from Soul Eater, Pain from Naruto, Light from Deathnote and Jason from Tokyo Ghoul in a frame where you can only see their eyes and it somehow looks extremely grotesque as if they were looking into different directions with their eyes.

As much as it is a joke, it is a perfect example of something extremely similar to the Kubrick stare used in anime culture. It goes so far that if any anime watcher would see a new character look like in a frame, one would assume they were about to go crazy.

Even Oikawa Tooru from Haikyuu!! was shown with a Kubrick stare in the last moments of the second Seijoh vs. Karasuno game, when his desire to win overtook him with incredible force.

Without loss there naturally can’t be any wins, and without sadness there will be no joy in laughter.

We need the different depictions of what one might call madness, to fill our stories with nuance that relies on our reality.

Be it an unknown entity, hunger for power, lack of fear or the good old fashioned thrive for world domination.

Madness is just another part of what we call life, and to be honest in healthy doses and for effect why not enjoy it in anime?

Now, do you guys know any other characters or concepts in anime that would be worth mentioning? I would love to see them in the comments! 

Until then, stay sane!

-Nissa

[creativerogues]

Subclasses & Speculation...

Disclaimer: These are just my random thoughts on what other Subclasses could pop up in the future of D&D, this isn’t speculation about what’s turning up in future books or D&D materials, just a thought experiment on what people would probably love to see in the future.

Artificer: Self-Forged

Originally from 4th Edition D&D (hear me out!) the self-forged is an artificer that improves themselves by essentially becoming a cyborg, having mechanical limbs that replace the character’s normal limbs and allow them to do a multitude of things.

When I was reading this my first thought was “how far is a character willing to push this?” and “well now I can be Robo-cop!” 

But I think it’s definitely something that works well with the idea of the Artificer, using magic to create devices and objects that improve where your body might fail.

Barbarian: Path of the Wildrunner

Another from 4th Edition, the Wildrunner was cool because it focused on mobility, even at one point being able to walk on pretty much anything or even fly. I know certain aspects of this have been done in other Subclasses, but a quick and mobile (and possibly more dexterity based) Barbarian is something that peaks my interest!

Barbarian: Path of the Man-Eater

For Barbarian, I think a Subclass that digs a little more into the brutality of the Barbarian would be cool, for example the famous "cannibal" subclass concept has floated around for a while in various incarnations.

Whether it’s a bloodhound of a Barbarian able to track down their pray, or a Barbarian that quite literally rips and tears and consumes corpses while raging, I love the concept, and it allows the writers and rule-makers to get a little weird with it, which is the best thing a writer can do!

Bard: College of Colour, College of Rhythm & College of Mimicry

One thing I’ll always want is a Bard that doesn't explicitly sing, like a Dancer or Painter Bard would be a great way of showing that Bard can mean almost any kind of entertainer or performer.

Another one was the College of Mimicry as I’ve called it, a Mime Bard! Not only because it’s a guaranteed laugh, but it’s full of flavour too!

Cleric: Love, Luck, Madness & Travel Domain

Listen, Clerics can be a lot of things, and it’s time to get weird, but also cover the domains that I think would be the coolest.

The Love, Luck and Travel Domains have been extremely popular ideas, and the Madness Domain will inevitably make for some interesting Characters, NPCs and Villains.

Druid: Circle of Cities

Why is there still no “Urban Druid”? It confuses me.

The idea of a druid that can bend and warp buildings or just make walls is such a cool idea, plus who wouldn’t wanna be a trash druid living in the sewers of a city or the back-alleys of a fantasy metropolis?

Fighter: Whirling Devish & Dragon Knight

Now the Whirling Dervish Archetype can be described as essentially “dance-fighting”, so the College of Sword may already cover that, but a whirlwind of blades and attacks is still a cool idea to me.

The Dragon Knight on the other hand is one of those ideas that’s so popular in media, I’m surprised it hasn’t popped up already.

A Knight with the ability to fly, breathe fire, grow wings, or even a “Dragoon” type subclass for all those people that just love their references to other media.

Monk: Way of the [Insert Popular Anime Here]

For Monk, pick an anime, literally any fighting anime and you can make a monk subclass from it. Done!

Rogue: Acrobat

This is another one that I don’t understand why it’s not already a thing.

The Thief-Acrobat was and still is famous from the D&D Cartoon and one of the first things people think of when they think D&D is that old cartoon, so why not turn that into a real thing?

Sorcerer: Cosmic Soul, Fey Soul & Woeful Soul

For the Sorcerer, I think a Fey Bloodline could be very interesting, considering the amount of different Elves and Half-Elves populating the game and the amount of influence places like the Feywild and Shadowfell has.

Plus, since there’s already a Shadowfell Sorcerer, why not give the Feywild some love? Huh?

And since we have almost every creature type covered already, from the Aberrant Sorcerer to the Dragon Sorcerer to the Celestial Sorcerer, I think a Fiend Sorcerer could be interesting too, which I’ve dubbed the “Woeful Soul”.

And before you comment, the Divine Soul Sorcerer, despite allowing you to be associated with “Evil”, does explicitly say that you are ‘Blessed’ and your blood most likely comes from an angel or celestial, be it a Good Angel or Fallen Angel.

And then I threw in the Cosmic Soul from 4e, because why not, it’s cool, it’s weird, and I think it’s just fun enough to be it’s own thing without stepping on anyone’s toes.

Warlock: Dragon Patron

Another one that I think should’ve probably been part of the Game already, but I can see why not. 

Having a Dragon Patron Warlock could mean stepping on the toes of the Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer, but I think at this point, with Dragons being known for being such powerful entities, why wouldn’t you work for one?

Wizard: Blood Magus

Blood Magic! Something I think is also pretty popular in the homebrew community, and is even popular with Mr. Mercer himself judging by the use of it in the Blood Hunter Class.

This is another one that can go so many ways, but the trope of using your own vitality to empower your magic is something I think a good writer can capture in a “Blood Magus” style Subclass really well.

Other Stuff

This is where I throw my random ideas out there, like new ideas for races or feats or that kind of thing. 

Races: One idea was the famous “Thri-Kreen” Race, I don’t really know why it was the first thing to pop in my head but I think they could totally be put into a campaign book, for an official setting or just a fun nod to other D&D resources.

Feats: For Feats It’s mostly stuff that deals with “Inconveniences”.

For example a Feat that removes Sunlight Sensitivity, since for some reason a Drow that’s lived on the Surface for 200+ Years somehow still can’t handle a sunny day.

Now I know that the supposed “Lineage System” coming out in November 2020 is supposed to tackles  “Inconveniences” like this, but we’ll have to wait and see.

[the-hellsing-organisation]

Hellsing Soul Eater AU idea...

Lord Death (Abraham Hellsing) and his assembly of meisters and death weapons have to take on a new organization of witches - the Millennium Coven, which seeks to unleash Madness on the world.

Featuring...

Integra Hellsing: top-tier meister, and only one with a strong enough soul wavelength to wield Lord Death's most powerful death scythe, Alucard. Daughter of Lord Death.

Alucard: one of the most powerful death scythes/weapons to have ever been created. Said to be created by a witch; Lord Death himself had to restrain and bind the weapon in order to prevent it from going on a destructive rampage throughout the world. Does not require a meister and is capable of self-wielding. Has several abilities and said to have consumed thousands (possibly millions) of witches souls. Suffers bouts of Madness, which can be kept at bay with soul resonance with his meister, Integra

Seras Victoria: meister, still learning, but moving up in the ranks. Lots of untapped potential. Has been recruited along with her weapon Pip to help with the Millennium Coven.

Pip Bernadotte: lower level death weapon (let's assume he's some sort of modified guillotine cuz he's French) to Seras Victoria. He's getting better though, and is determined to become a fully fledged death scythe.

Walter Dornez: retired top-tier meister, wields death weapon (idk, an OC that could personify his crazy diamond wires). Comes out of retirement to aid with the Millennium Coven.

Alexander Andersen: second most powerful death weapon, also capable of self-wielding. HUGE rivalry with Alucard. Kinda unhinged.

Enrico Maxwell: top-tier meister, rival of Integra. Deeply resents her and the "favoritism" she gets from Lord Death and hates that she's next in line to take over after Lord Death's passing. He's technically Andersen's meister, but he rarely needs to weird him. (He's gonna pull a Justin Law and betray everyone)

Heinkle Wolfe: meister, wields death weapon guns (idk, OCs)

Yumie: meister, wields death weapon katana (again, OC)

The Millennium Coven pretty much consists of the Millennium players. Basically everyone would be a witch (warlock?) Except we keep Hans and Scho werewolves.

[darkestdawnhq]

FABIAN PREWETT is a 25 year old PUREBLOOD, a former GRYFFINDOR, and an UNEMPLOYED who is an ORDER MEMBER and uses HE/HIM pronouns. They are categorized as CODE FIVE. They are currently CLOSED.

Firewhiskey around the fire and forcing yourself to keep laughing | Half of your entire soul and self is gone with him | Leather boots caked with mud | Your whole world is gone so having nothing to left to lose | The smell of oranges and cinnamon | Your words sound quieter without your echo

HISTORY.

Fabian came into the world the same way he intended to leave it: with a bang. Poor Carl and Margaret Prewett were unprepared for their new twin boys in more ways than one. From the start, Fabian was curious and adventurous with the constant glint of mischief in his eye. Where Gideon went, Fabian would follow, and likewise. Never saw one without the other, and if you did, it was time to start worrying because it meant something was surely afoot.

If things ever got too quiet, the boys had likely attached themselves to their older sister, Molly. His earliest memories of his sister was her teaching them some silly dance she had made to go along with one of their father’s records. Of course, there was always the times when Fabian and Gideon were making their sister mad with taunts and jokes and a prank gone too far.

Even at Hogwarts, the twins were together. Two Gryffindors. The professors had been expecting sweet, quiet little boys, because surely anyone raised in the same household as Molly would turn out as well. What they got instead was a seven year long migraine, if not from the actual antics but from the Howlers echoing in the Great Hall. Fabian thrived in both the social and educational environment, putting his interests in the study of magical creatures - especially dragons. His plans would change over time, however, as the war loomed closer and he put his cards with the Order alongside his brother.

Fabian would almost say he had been good at the war. He was quick on his feet, impulsive but not reckless, and took many of the younger members under his wing, always there to offer a comforting word or a cheeky comment when they needed it. Because if Fabian was still smiling, things couldn’t be that bad, right?

That was, until he’d lost Gideon. The night is both a blur and incredibly lucid in his mind. Smoke and shadows and spells cast every which way, his brother shoving him to one side almost laughing at his carelessness and then the laugh fell short and Fabian felt the heavy weight of his brother careening into him. He’d been dead before Fabian had even managed to lower him to the ground, clutching his hand. He didn’t know when he’d started screaming but once he’d began he didn’t know how to stop. Even now it feels like that scream is still going inside his head.

Now with the war over, Fabian was even more alone. All that really mattered now was keeping Molly, Arthur, and the children safe. If that meant he couldn’t see them, maybe it was better. He wasn’t sure he could keep looking Molly in the eye after he had failed so miserably at keeping Gideon out of harm’s way. He knew the one thing he could do for his sister was to keep fighting until she and her children would be safe in this world. All he could do now was begin to regather his strength.

CONNECTIONS.

MOLLY WEASLEY: Sister. Though Gideon was the other half of his everything, both brothers still loved and defended their sister fiercely. They both understood when she and Arthur started to pull away from being involved in the Order to keep their growing family safe. He was the one who encouraged Molly to do so. And now after the death of Gideon, Fabian stands by this decision more than ever. She has to be safe, her family has to be safe. He’s already half dead, there’s no hope for him and he doesn’t care that he’s a wanted criminal now. He’ll go down fighting and he’ll make sure Molly  is safe.

MARCUS MCKINNON: Friend. Their friendship bloomed during the early years of the war though it seems so very long ago. Marcus was a good man and a good wizard, Fabian had been glad to have him by their side on the missions and against the Death Eaters. But loss has touched both of them now, he lost his sister and Fabian lost his twin. When everything fell apart, Fabian took to running when they were made. He barely saw Marcus but knows he’s trying to survive under the radar and keep the fight going. If they can keep good people still willing to fight out in the field without being made, Fabian will do whatever is necessary to keep the attention away from them and on himself as an easy target. Whatever is needed to keep the fight going.

CORBAN YAXLEY: Enemy. The battle was messy and grief has clouded those moments before he held his brother’s dying body, but Fabian thinks that Corban was the one who fired the spell that killed Gideon. Others aren’t sure when asked, they don’t remember in the heat of the battle, but Fabian is certain it’s him. He has a burning hatred of the wizard, one that consumes him every waking moment of his life. If he were ever to come face to face with the Death Eater, he’d make sure he would pay for what he did. Truth be told, even if it wasn’t Corban, Fabian just wants a single person to blame. Someone he could get his revenge on. 

MARY MACDONALD: Friend. He thinks he sees her now more than he did when they fought a war together. She’s stubborn, fiery, and hopeful, all the things he feels he isn’t at the moment. He’s not sure why she insists on visiting, force feeding him, trying to make him smile when all he wants is to lay in bed until the noises stop. He doesn’t kick her out, though, and some part of him is worried that even she may give up on him in the end.

Currently portrayed by GEORGE MACKAY

[ajoy3fanfics]

The happiest moment

FanFiction.net.    AO3

-Snape- I drop the memory into the Pensieve, watching as the magic falls in tendrils, waiting. I’ve gone over this scene more times than I can count, but it’s important. I need to keep it fresh so that I can use it. It’s a familiar torture, a rabbit hole of what ifs, that takes an eternity of climb out of. I’m still crawling my way up.

We’re outside, books piled high on the side of us, and Lily is laughing at something I said. I’m not really the funny type, but Lily thinks I am. I painfully wish others found me as engaging as she did, but then again, I’m unsure if I’d want to spend time with anyone but her. I’m glad she finds my quip amusing; her eyes shine when she’s happy, even if they crinkle and disappear a bit from her smile. Even this I find endearing.

James and his band of thugs are there again, and ready to taunt their favorite past time. I’m not sure what I’ve done to get on their bad side, but the distaste is mutual. I can’t stand how arrogant Potter is, and thankfully, Lily is of the same mind. She’s not usually one to take such a hard stance against someone, but she seems to have made an exception for Potters troop. A small part of me believes it’s because of me.

I hate Potter for many reasons, but his ability to interfere when Lily and I are together is paramount. He’s always intruding on us, throwing insults my way, disturbing us no matter the time or place. Im starting to find that his presence is almost expected if I’m with her. It’s almost as if I’m the afterthought in his horrid visits. My mind moves to a dark place as I wonder if it’s really Lily he’s interested in.

I’m ready to face him, grasping for my wand, but Lily is three steps ahead of me, as usual. She’s pointing her wand with a steady hand, eyes narrowed in a way that I’m sure she thinks looks more menacing than it actually does. He holds his hands up in mock surrender, some asinine comments slipping between his teeth. He smirks, and he’s just looking at her. Lupin reminds Potter that practice starts soon, and the crew turns on their heels to head towards the field. As they walk off, Lily purses her lips together, trying to contain her anger. She whips towards me, asking if I can believe the nerve of them. She tells me they put her house to shame, she has half a mind to march straight to Dumbledore’s office and demand he takes action.

I tell Lily not to waste her breath, that people like Potter don’t deserve her attention, but she is silently fuming from the injustice. I never feel that it’s pity, she has too much respect for me than to do that; she’s angered that her friend was wronged, and I want to kiss her.

“You’re pretty when you’re angry,” I say. The words tumble out before I can stop them and I watch as her eyelashes flutter against her reddening cheeks. When others compliment her, she smiles, wide and all teeth, but when it comes from me, it seems shy, like it’s a secret smile just for her and It’s enough to stir Hope in my belly.

She’s smiling, and the sun is shining and I’ve taken this moment for granted a thousand times before. Not now though, not when she glances up at me, biting her lip to try and contain her happiness. One wouldn’t think she’s shy, this headstrong Gryffindor, but then again, most people don’t know her as well as I do.

“Only when I’m angry?” She asks, lifting her chin with confidence.

“All the time, really,” I say, as I shrug my shoulders, a gesture of confidence i certainly don’t feel. “But especially when you’re mad.”

Her brows shoot up at my admission, and her lip is back between her teeth. For a moment, I worry I’ve gone too far, pushed the boundary of our friendship too much. But I don’t want a friendship, I want to consume her. In my brooding, I don’t even realize she has stepped towards me, only when her hands settle on my shoulders and she places a quick and delicate kiss on my cheek does my brain seem to kick into gear. Quickly, far too for me to even react, she spins around, sitting back on the grass and opening a book.

“Now then,” she begins, and she’s refusing to make eye contact with me, and I’m nothing but smiles. “If we don’t finish this assignment we’re going to spend all weekend in the library. And I don’t particularly like to torture myself on my days off, Severus.” She finally looks my way, and I’m sure my heart has stopped, or maybe started beating double. It’s hard to tell when she smiles like that. “Besides, you promised to take me to Hogsmead. You still owe me a new sugar quill.” She points her finger at me for good measure.

I sit down beside her and nod. If we finish now, that means we’ll have more time together. I want to talk about the kiss, want to pull her to my chest and give her a proper one, but I can wait. We have time.

I raise myself from the Pensieve, gripping the stone edge. It jars me, even all these years later, what a fool I was. I thought there would be time, never thought I would act out the way I did. I want so badly to go back, to earn her attention again. My eyes begin to sting, and I screw them tight to stop the tears. In three short days from that time, I lose her. I don’t need the Pensieve for this memory. It’s ingrained in my soul.

I know what words are about to come out of my mouth. I know that when I say them, she never forgives me. I’m disgusted with myself even as the name slips off my tongue that day, but I’m too angry to stop. I’m angry at potter, for looking at her like she’s his, angry at his friends, for riling him up, taking their turns. Angry at Lily, that she’s always by my side, there to witness it. Angry at myself for being such an outsider that I’m a target.

It doesn’t matter how much I apologize. Days go by, and I beg and I plead, but she won’t answer me. The silent treatment from her might be worse than the cruciatus curse. I wait and I hope, but the damage is done, and I lose her. As our distance grows, I gain the attention of my fellow Slytherins, notably happy that I’m no longer associating with a Mudblood. Lily detests these people, those drawn to the dark arts. All the while I’m with them, I silently beg her to look at me, look at me, look at me. I’d leave them behind, if she’d ask.

But she doesn’t. Lily could have received an Outstanding in avoiding me. Occasionally, she would catch my eye, and Id hope, just for that minute. I want to apologize again, but I can see I’ve hurt her too deeply.

She befriends potter of all people, the brute easily taking my place as she marries him the moment we graduate and it eats away at my soul. The rest of the story spins before me, but at night, alone with my thoughts, I’m allowed to change the past.

I bite my tongue that day. Instead of spitting venom at the girl I love, I fire it at those who deserve it. I finally tell someone about Potter and his trio of brutes, and they’re threatened with expulsion, leaving Lily and I alone. I take her to Hogsmead that weekend, and I kiss her the way I’d been dreaming of for years. I never join the Death Eaters, instead taking up the Orders side. I have to protect her, my muggle-born wife. I can so clearly picture a small home for us, walls lined with books, a room for her to perfect potions, and a little girl that has her eyes.

My happiest moments are ones I never got to live.

[cascade-fox]

Chaos spreads far and wide as the Witches of the world have risen to power. Using their magic to create Discord amongst the realm as the world struggles to cling to hope. Rulers Desprit for power and hungry for control align with the witches to take over the land and plunge the people deep into fear.  Fractions of witches have formed across the world. Each ruling their lands with cruelty and fear driving the people on. Lord Death struggling to take back order and peace to the world fights tooth and Nail against his foes greatly outnumbered he fights alone. Ebion Fearful his great friend may become outmatched by the sheer number of foes Lord Death faces help the shinigami create the first demon Weapon. The Weapons created and the warriors chosen to wield them became the first Meister/ Weapon teams named the Eight Shinigami Legions. The Legions aided in the Hunting of the witches and the creation of Shinigami’s List. A list of criminals and witches Death himself has sentenced to death for their crimes. For years the Legions worked hard to battle the chaos spread by the witches with their strongest fighter being Asura. Asura the Eldest son of Lord Death. Born from Death’s fears being extracted from the Shinigami’s soul Asura lived a life consumed by fear and power. He and his partner Vijira were soon going against Lord’ Deaths orders hunting souls not on the shinigami’s list in order to gain power. That is until Asura consumes Vijira whole giving himself the power to consume souls and grow stronger. As Asura’s power grew so did his madness. It spread across the land leading Lord Death to take action. Skinning Asura alive and draining his blood Lord death created a sack of the skin and stuffed his son inside. Cementing his soul to the ground where Asura was kept in order to prevent the Kishan from ever possibly getting free. This however trapped Lord death in a single space in the world. Now unable to fight the war he waged on the witches and the up-and-coming Kishan’s. Lord death called upon the great builders of the world to build him a city on top of Asua. In this center of this City, he placed a school. A school that’s construction is nearing an end. Love Soul eater? Like this concept of Roleplaying for it? Well do i have the place for you! https://discord.gg/WbjqxqyHp7 See this? this is a link to a glorious new rp server. Where we take you back in time to when the DWMA was just starting out, Back to when the world was still plunged into Witches chaos. Back whe Demon weapons and there meisters first set foot in the freshly built school. Join us for the Lost history of soul eater. Join us in the first year of the DWMA

[drabbletrashcan]

Dovakhiin

It is said that only a Dragonborn can kill a dragon. After the Dragonborn kills a dragon, he or she will devour and consume its soul. Over the centuries, this has proven to be true. Man can most definitely weaken and injure a dragon but can never put an end to its life. Only the Dragonborn has accomplished this feat.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

Bishop dove behind a boulder just in time. He could feel the blazing heat all around him, and his heart hammered thinking about how his companions could easily be caught in that inferno. Karnwyr whimpered, huddling closer to his master. He was scared out of his mind.

Casavir thank the gods above for blessing him with such luck. He had managed to find a small cave he could barely fit in but provide shelter from the hell outside. Yet, his eyes scanned his surroundings frantically, searching for the others.

How lucky to be quick on your feet. Cael had taken cover in the dense vegetation, unseen, unheard. All he had to do was wait it out. Where the hell were the others? Oh, gods, what if they were caught in the fire?!

A loud roar shook the earth, fire hailing from above. The dragon swooped low, searching for his prey and leaving destruction in its wake. Cael finally spotter two of his companions. As the dragon rose up into the sky, he dashed towards Bishop, the closest one, and crouched behind the boulder.

“What the fuck are we going to do?!” Bishop yelled. “We’re dead. We’re just a late afternoon barbeque!”

“Please calm down, Dark One, this is not the time and place for more agitation.”

Bishop’s jaw tightened visibly, holding himself back from decking the blonde in the face. Managing to grab the paladin’s attention and beckoning him over to them, the small group hid behind the boulder, praying to whatever god out there that the dragon would not find them.

“Oh, gods.”

Casavir let out a horrified whisper, his eyes widening. He turned to the two men, fury and desperation burning in his eyes.

“Where is Ava?!”

A question that made their blood run ice cold. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh please gods no. Cael grabbed Bishop and Casavir’s arms, his hands resembling iron claws. He pointed towards the open field the dragon was circling.

With wild blonde hair fluttering in the wind, there stood Ava in all her glory, clad in her steel armor. She unsheathed her Warhammer, staring at the dragon ferociously, just daring it to try and attack her.

“Has she gone completely mad?!”

The dragon finally noticed her, and it swooped down. It opened its mouth and let out a mighty roar before a river of fire poured down upon Ava.

“NO!”

Bishop and Cael and Casavir froze, not believing what they had just witnessed, not wanting to believe it.

The fire cleared up, leaving charred vegetation in its wake. In the middle of a blackened, ashy field, there stood Ava. The ward she had cast wore off, and she gripped her weapon tightly. The dragon came circling back, this time intent on tearing its prey into pieces. It got closer and closer, its maw opening again.

“Fus…ro dah!” a large blast on energy launched itself from Ava towards the dragon, knocking it out of the air and crashing ungracefully in the dirt. Wasting no time, she lunged at it, bringing down her weapon and impaling its skull. Blood spurted out, coating her armor in a shiny ruby red. The dragon let out a roar of anguish as it got its bearings back. Ava attacked mercilessly, dodging the dragon’s fire storm and countering it with her own Shout.

By now, she had rendered the beast incapable of flying. She let out streaks of lightning through her fingertips, her eyes blazing with magicka.  

This was her only opening.

Letting out a scream of effort, she launched herself off a cliffside, landing on the dragon’s back. The beast shook, trying to knock her off. Jumping up, she brought her Warhammer down, its blade burying in the dragon’s scull.

For a few seconds she was in the air before crashing against the ground. She wheezed for air, struggling to stand up. The dragon wobbled towards her, not intent at dying at the hand of a mortal. Ava unsheathed her sword. She trust it upwards, the blade going straight through its scaly throat.

She stared the beast in the eye, watching the life drain out of it. It let out a final roar before collapsing.

Ava crawled out from under it, scrambling to her feet as she clutched her side. It hurt like hell. But it wasn’t over yet. She limped towards the corpse and dislodged her weapons from it and placed her hand on the snout of the animal.

A single muffled boom resonated throughout the valley as the wind started to pick up. She was absorbing the dragon’s soul. Multicolored lights surrounded her body, and she felt the familiar energy of the soul entering her body.

Blood oozed from her side, staining her armor and fingers. Yet she continued to ignore the pain, for now came the hardest part.

Explaining to the boys.

Bishop, Casavir and Cael emerged from behind the boulder, walking towards her slowly. She turned towards them, exhaustion visible in her eyes. Without a word, Cael sat her down and tended to her wound. She looked down, avoiding their gaze. Bishop crossed his arms, piercing her with his icy glare.

“Hey, ladyship,” he said, painfully monotone. Ava cringed before looking up. “You mind telling us what this is?”

Ava bit her lip. “Well…I’m Dovakhiin…it means Dragonborn in the dragon tongue…”

“Yeah, I got that. What I want to know is why you didn’t tell us sooner?” he asked in an accusing tone.

“I…I don’t know…”

“Oh, you don’t know? Well what do you know, Ava?!”

“Stop it, Bishop. What is your problem?” Casavir gently pushed Bishop.

Bishop pushed the paladin back, annoyance evident in his golden eyes. “You want to know what my problem is? My problem is that after months of travelling with us, she never thought for a second to tell us who she actually is!”

“Enough, Bishop,” Cael stood up, running a hand through his blond hair. “I understand your anger, and if anything, I agree with you to some extent. But this isn’t what she needs right now.”

“No, what she needs is to stop lying to us and tell us everything she’s been hiding!”

Ava’s eyes shot up towards Bishop. Lying? The bastard. She stood up, radiating anger.

“Lying? How the hell have I been lying?”

“You literally hid your identity? Don’t you think it would have been useful to at some point come up to us and tell us you’re the Dragonborn?”

“At some point I would have told you, you ungrateful ass!”

“Ungrateful?” the ranger scoffed.

“I just saved your sorry ass from a fucking dragon, and this is how you treat me, you bastard?!”

“Oh, yes, please, excuse me for having the audacity to not kneel down in front of you and kiss your boots. See, this is why I have trust issues in the first fucking place.”

“What the fuck do you have against me?!” her accent became more noticeable.

“I don’t trust you! All you do is drag us into abandoned caves and hide behind us, then expect us to follow you like lost puppies. And on top of that, you’re the Dragonborn. The person who’s, you know, supposed to be saving the world, but instead you go and prance around Skyrim, with not a care in the world. You’re pretty useless for someone who’s supposed to defeat the World Eater.”

Ava froze. Hurt, betrayed, insulted. This was what she was feeling. After everything she had done for him. After nearly sacrificing her life to save him. After hoping one day he would notice her feelings for him. Finally, something snapped.

She stepped forward and put her hands against the ranger’s chest. And pushed him. She pushed him so hard he stumbled backwards before falling on his back.

“Useless? Useless?! Is that what you think of me?! Then do yourself a favor and fucking leave, you mean, annoying, greedy, selfish, perverted piece of shit! How dare you?! After everything I’ve done! You have the nerve to call me useless?!”

Her screams echoed throughout the valley. She could feel hot tears streaming down her face. But she didn’t care. Bishop looked up at her, surprised. Heavy sobs started to rack her body, yet she didn’t stop.

“You want to know why I didn’t tell you?! Do you?! Here’s why: I’m fucking scared! I’m terrified out of my mind! Do you think I want this?! My life is literally written in stone. I am the Dragonborn. I’m supposed to sacrifice my life to save the world from Alduin. Do you know how it feels to literally have the weight of the world on your shoulders?! No, you don’t, you run away from responsibility all the time. I don’t want this! I never wanted this! So fuck you, you asshole! Fuck you and everything you stand for!”

The words lingered in the air before disappearing, and with it Ava felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She hung her head, wiping furiously at her eyes. Bishop slowly rose and stepped towards her before stopping.

“I’m going back to Whiterun. If you want to keep travelling with me, I’ll be at Breezehome. You’re free to leave at any time, all of you.”

 *

 The smell of baked potatoes and chorus of yells made Ava wake up, furrowing her brow in confusion. What the hell? She threw on some clothes and grabbed her dagger, just in case. Walking downstairs, she stopped and stared at the scene unfolding before her.

Bishop, clad in his leather armor and a chef’s apron, was stirring at the cookpot, mumbling something about how he does everything in this household. Casavir and Cael were fighting over which set of plates to use. Casavir insisted to use the blue china plates, while Cael stressed about how they should simply eat off of the usual metal plates. Karnwyr, who was lounging by the fire, perked up at the sight of her and gently rubbed his head against her. The house looked brand new. Her weapons, sitting neatly on the weapon rack, were polished with great care. The floor had been swept and polished, her books organized, her potions and alchemy materials neatly stored in the cabinets, and not a stray of dust was visible.

Noticing her, the boys froze. Awkward silence settled between them. Ava raised an eyebrow, her eyes darting around the house, examining every detail. Finally, Cael cleared his throat, walking towards her.

“Morning, sparrow! Uh, why don’t you take a seat?” he led her to the table, pushing down on her shoulders.

“Did you sleep well, milady?” Casavir set a blue china plate before her, earning an irritated glare from the Forsworn.

“Uh, yeah, I guess.”

“How’s that wound? I should change the bandages…”

“Milady, would you like mead or milk? Oh, there’s also some wine…”

“My sparrow, I remember you had to do some tasks for the Jarl, but Casavir, Bishop and I can take care of it. You should rest for today…”

“Ok, wait. What the hell is going on?”

Casavir and Cael exchanged looks before looking at Bishop, where he still stood stirring at the cookpot. Ava raised an eyebrow, shifting to face him fully. Bishop rolled his eyes and scratched the back of his neck, approaching hesitantly.

“Um…look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said.”

Ava stared at him for a few seconds before rising from her seat. She stood in front of Bishop, staring into his golden eyes. He avoided her gaze, studying the tip of his boots. Ava smirked and wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight. Her action made Casavir’s and Cael’s jaws drop. She could feel Bishop tense in her embrace, his arms suspended awkwardly in the air. She pulled back and embraced the other two men.

“You’re all idiots! But you’re my idiots, and I’m glad you decided to stick with me.”

[platinumbutthole]

Memories in Red

When a dream has gone on for too long, the thin membrane between reality and the clouded world of the mind may be broken, leaving the dreamer submerged in the dark void of their own subconscious. Another dream has come and went, even as it proves to be darker and more unpleasant than the last, I miss it dearly.

I awake to this padded room once again rattled, only to recollect that I am indeed crazy, spats of lucidity grace my presence as if pleading me to write out this memoir of sorts. This very well may be the only way I can gain a grip back into reality, or more likely, drive myself deeper into the thick fog that is consuming my mind. In this conscious state, I recollect only that of less importance unto myself; age, occupation, or even my damn name remains a mystery. But of what I know, I did have a life before my spiral into the abyss of insanity. A wife that dips into my memories only to taunt me with her mysterious beauty, a pocket watch that meant some special importance in my life, a dog, and a grotesque bastard child. You see, I was sent here of my own accord, I did not want to be locked up with the ingrates of the penal system, I felt better suited to be one with the shit eaters and comatose rotted vegetables that also live within the walls of this sanitarium. In here, bound up like mummified corpses, the fear isn’t of those around us, it is of what is inside yourself. I chose this route because of an urge that set upon me long ago, this urge is only one of the multiple memories that alludes me every time I find myself sitting on the edge of reality looking back into the grim horrors that clouds my true subconscious.

The bloody cuts across my hands and fingers are the only real source of entertainment here, it seems my writing has been going on for quite some time judging by the amount of scribble on the walls, red patches, and smears correlate into a jumbled mess of words directed only towards myself. These words scrolled out reveal portions of my life that I may have wanted to remember, or possibly forget. Judging by the writing on the walls, I must have been busy the past few days, so many words and phrases give way to more conclusive statements. “Children under god” and “remember” plastered in bright red imagery above the cell door, followed by multiple occurrences of the name “Virgil”.

In this place, time holds value higher than any currency, it is not easily retrieved, and the lack of a clock or workers doesn’t help the issue one bit. Thought my memories are few and far between, I don’t recall any staff member gracing me with their presence in a long time, I don’t know how long I have gone without human interaction, let alone food and water. Looking at my poor excuse for a body it seems like I haven’t indulged in sustenance in quite a long time, each rib visible as the last, a pale, bony chest leading to shoulders that have no fat left on them. My shadow being cast by the single white florescent bulb that hangs in the middle of my padded hovel looks like the creatures that haunt me late at night, I laugh, trying to convince myself that these nightly visits are all in my head, but the scars tell otherwise. I say this because being in a padded room meant for a mentally unhinged patient as myself, there is no tool for me to tear into my own flesh, no knife or piece of glass, gifting myself the sweet release of red ink that I so desperately crave. No, I get these wounds by another force, an unknown being in the shadows, the corners of my cell representing the shackles of my mind that won’t let me free. Sometimes it comes in the form of my wife, nameless and transparent she takes my arms, lifting them up and giving them the lightest kiss before slashing with her sharp claw-like nails, as I look up from the blood into her dark eyes, the calmness turns to fear as she opens her gaping mouth to reveal a black darkness that wants to swallow me whole. This vision of horror only to be set back by rapping on my padded door, no one is there, no one is ever there. I recall waking from a state of mental unsightliness to observe a black dog with bright yellow eyes peering at me from that damned corner of the room, growling and grimacing to show every razor-sharp fang only to leap onto me. I have heard the dreaded sound of tearing flesh too many times in my life, the beings that lurk in this room with me want me to write, they want to be heard. I am tired now, without the value of time at my disposal, the only thing telling me that night has come is when the power to the only light source in the room is shut off. It’s dark now and I must try to sleep.

As I am about to fall into a distant slumber, praying to not being visited by whatever horrible entity of my wretched mind has in store, I hear screaming. This is not an abnormal occurrence in this place, but these screams are different. It sounds as if a child had gotten loose and is running through the halls churning their sorrows into an inconceivable volume not meant for human consumption, and the sound is growing closer to my room. Most of the time the wailing of the mad are my lullaby, whisking me off to a gentle sleep, but not this, it’s been getting closer and closer by the minute, inch by inch the louder it gets. Screams forcing their way through my ear drums and into my very soul. I try to cup my ears with my bloody palms but it’s no use, my eyes feel like they are going to burst only for the screaming to pass my door and stop suddenly. I release my grasp on my head and slowly slide myself to the door, I can’t hear anything, but I feel breathing on the other side as if taunting me, anxiety then hits my chest and I can’t breathe, my heart throbs and the blood smeared writing on the walls beats at the same rate. I fall on my back, looking up at the dark red literature on the walls, only getting brighter with every beat of my waning heart. I can’t hear anything, but I feel something watching me, laughing at me so menacingly that it tears at my insides and would rip my intestines out if gotten the chance. As quickly as I was brought back into my lucid like state, I was taken back again. I find myself at the threshold of sound mind mostly at night, which makes me ironically yearn for more sleep because within this realm of what we know as real, I am brought back into the pit of despair that only those that have experienced true hell will understand.

It’s been a few days now, and I must give myself a hand for the mural now sitting upon the wall adjacent to the door. A painting depicting only what I can convey as a child, sitting on a tricycle peddling towards a grove which is overlooked by a structure deep in the distance. It is disturbing to say the least, not only for the gruesome open-mouthed scowl rippled across the child’s face along with hideously dead eyes, but for the mere fact that it was completely created by the glorious red ink, what a waste. I must have been out cold for a while due to blood loss from the magnitude of my work, but after a while of sitting and staring it seems to calm me, a haven to place my mind when it turns inward on itself once again. I have never been the artistic type, but seeing the absolute scale and detail baffles me, this would be an immense feat to accomplish with a brush let alone a bloody finger. I search my entire brittle body to find an entry point or wound that could have saturated this wall the way it appears, but I find no new scars, my body is the way I left it.

As I sit and marvel at my work of art, I start to hear a sound, the squeaking of wheels ever so gently moving down the corridor outside my cell. I know how ignorant I must be, but the sense of anxiety and dread fill my chest cavity and I can’t take another second. I cannot be taken back again so soon, I must sit and write and keep my sanity just this once, but the wheels keep turning, bringing themselves closer to my room, all I can do is pray to whatever being is still out there for them to pass. Every second feels as if I am staring at the blade of the guillotine waiting for the rope to be cut, but as it creeps closer, the sound suddenly vanishes. I am in silence now, my body aches but I am still, knowing that something is out there waiting, staring directly into the cell, its breath hitting the widow with such force I hear it across the room. I cannot bring myself to peer out of the small dusty window on the door, for hiding whatever alludes me is the only way I can still survive here.

My visitor has yet to show itself, just viewing my quarters through a tiny glass pane, mocking me for my cowardliness to not step up and peer into the eyes of the unknown. I have convinced myself time and time again that there is a good reason I am in here, for I have the tendencies of a mad man, and inside these walls is the only place I belong. But this entity standing at my door may be my last hope of salvation, an utterance of good in a place stricken with evil. I have convinced myself to stand up and show my face to the staring one, and as I stand, the lonely light in the room flashes and burns out. Darkness hits my skin and chills me to my core, I cannot be trapped in here again, alone, pleading for light, the salvation to my pain-stricken mind. This mustn’t stop me, I must see my viewing party firsthand or forever be confined within the madness of the unknown. Every step to the door of my padded cell takes longer than the last, heart beating faster and faster, red ink on the walls flashing to the beat once again, illuminating my short path. I step up to the door, feeling the buildup of anxiety piercing my internal organs, wincing at the pain I look up at the cold, dusty, window. I look through to see nothing, just the source of blackness that has poured into the confines of my cell. But still, the breathing continues at a more advanced pace, this time it is not hitting the door, the hairs on the back of my neck raise as the hot rush of air pours onto me.

I clench my jaw tight, close my eyes, and stand facing the door hoping for whatever is behind me to leave my presence, but it does not go away. Instead, I feel the grip of a bony hand onto my shoulder, long nails cutting into my skin, I glance down slowly to see the hand that is grasping me is a woman’s, I can see her wedding ring digging into the finger leaving barely any skin, only pure white bone. I have an instant of clarity, realizing I know that hand from so long ago, I turn back quickly to view my visitor only to be greeted by my mural, only it’s changed. Bright red ink glowing so bright in the pitch blackness, showing off the same detailed landscape, the grove with an overlooking structure, but the child is gone, what is left is the bloody trail of something dragged off the bottom of the painting. Before I could even look over the whole mural, the light in the middle of the room bursts on, presenting the painting in its entirety in which the pure sight of it all brought me to my knees, hands pressed tightly against the sides of my head I couldn’t scream, nothing was left in me. In the picture, the bloody marks where the child once sat and rode his tricycle, lead out of the painting onto the ground where I knelt, and at the end of the trail laid the red coated tricycle laying sideways, wheel still spinning, squeaking ever so softly. I start to shake erratically, as my eyes move past the toy, onto a small body lying face down near my feet, bloodied and battered, the ink to my mural.

I know now what I have done to be in this place, I deserve to be here, in this wretched cell, dipping meaninglessly into insanity only to be brought back to face the reality of my cruel ways. As I stare at the lifeless corpse laying at my feet, it begins to move, and twitch in horrible ways I cannot even try to describe, he lifts his head by a weak neck, dark dead eyes lead down to a hideous scowl wrapped around a twisted face. I squirm, the dreaded feeling tearing away at my guilt-stricken insides consumes my whole body, leaving me motionless, not a single breath left in my lungs. I know that face, as horrid and decrepit as it may seem, whatever lay before me was my son, but now just another entity meant to bring me exactly what I deserve. Now all I have left to do is stare into the precipice of my own despair, waiting for this entity to consume me in the most dreadful way possible. We can never truly block out the pain, it will always be there, waiting to torment us until our last breath