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everythingsinred · 2 years ago

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Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Mikan (pt. 5)

Hey guys. I know I'm late in posting but that's because I was reading my fav NatsuMikan fanfic and then talking for hours with @thesightofworms on the phone about Gakuen Alice so I lost track of time. I'll probably post tomorrow's essay earlier in the day but today was good anyway. It might have taken a while but it still arrived, after all.

Today we'll be discussing Mikan's POV during the Reo Arc. I think it's very easy to focus on Natsume's feelings during these chapters, particularly later in the arc when he regains consciousness, because this is the arc where It happens, but Mikan's perspective is important here too.

If any of my thoughts here seem incoherent, that's probably because they are. I'm sorry--I tend to be a mess when it comes to these two. This essay is my attempt to make sense of my very deep feelings about them, a pursuit that is occasionally difficult.

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Chapter Thirteen

Reo is coming to Alice Academy to perform on the third day. He’ll be stopping by today to get checked up before the concert. It’s supposed to be a secret, but it’s nothing a kid with the super hearing alice can’t figure out. Mikan is very excited until she finds out who Reo is--then she gets even more excited. Mikan is sometimes just happy to get carried away with the crowd.

They’re all excited until they notice Ruka is crestfallen. He’s worried because Natsume is in the hospital from exhaustion. He’s been exhausted since the dodgeball game, apparently, and Mikan instantly thinks of when Natsume warned her that they were both being singled out. She’s so intuitive in many ways, getting the idea that Natsume’s exhaustion might be related to the school “watching” him. He’s sick and most of the class is naturally concerned.

Mikan gradually comes to care about Natsume. She goes from being mildly surprised and disturbed by his injured body when they first get partnered up to being genuinely concerned here. Of course, the feeling is a little fleeting, but her concern for him will become harder and harder for her to brush aside as she cares for him more. Don't worry, though, I'm doing my very best to track the progress for us :)

Until Sumire announces that she and Ruka will be visiting him at the hospital since they’re such close friends of Natsume’s and everyone gets peeved that they can’t come too--because that’s where Reo is!

They really are all ten years old--that is fucking messed up.

Mikan is jealous, like everyone else, that Sumire is going instead of her, but not because she wants to visit Natsume--just because she wants to catch a glimpse of Reo, whose work she’s still unfamiliar with.

Hotaru is their saving grace, of course. She has invented very handy spy gear to help them infiltrate the hospital and catch some photos of Reo. They make it pretty far until Mikan and Hotaru choose to split up.

Mikan realizes that she’s in the east wing, the same part of the hospital that Natsume is staying in. She decides that she’s going to check in on him real quick. She assures herself that she’s not worried, but it is unusual for him to be sick (no, it’s not). The thing is that, despite herself, she is worried. He may be a jerk, but she’s seen signs of a hidden depth to him. She doesn’t want him to be sick or unwell (this sentiment naturally gets stronger as the story moves along). I’m not sure what she was planning on saying to him when she saw him, but she has every intention of dropping by just to see how he’s doing.

It could just be guilt because the dodgeball game was her idea. But she doesn't seem guilty here, just concerned. She comes up with excuses for going to see him, even just to herself, which makes me think this is out of genuine care. She always distances herself from feelings about him, like here, which I will go into more detail on later, mostly in the Z Arc. Her feelings for him--in whatever capacity--are confusing and weird, so she'd rather disregard them. For all of her curiosity about others, she sure doesn't like to examine herself too closely.

Until she runs into Sumire, who’s armed with an autograph book and a camera. Mikan puts two and two together and deduces that she didn’t only stop by to see Natsume.

The mood flips when Permy sees Reo enter Natsume’s room, leaving it guarded.

They’re concerned, because that’s not normal, so they decide to look in through the outside window, just to see Reo knocking Natsume out and then having him teleported to the trunk of his car.

Yet another trauma to add to the list: watching a classmate get chloroformed and kidnapped.

Mikan is stunned, staring into the room and confused about what she just witnessed. But Sumire doesn’t hesitate: she darts off. She doesn’t get it either, but she knows that what they just witnessed was a crime, and they have to stop Reo. At first, it’s Sumire who’s being proactive, instantly approaching a teacher to explain what happened. Nobody ever takes kids seriously, especially the teachers at this wack school, so Sumire is threatened with punishment.

Mikan can see that Reo is about to get away, so she takes advantage of another skill she has: brawn. She hits the teacher with her backpack and is able to make a run for it with Sumire. They’re able to follow Reo’s car outside in the knick of time.

I like this beginning moment because it demonstrates their personalities and approaches to danger quite well, where Sumire acts first after witnessing the kidnapping, but by immediately going to a teacher. Meanwhile, Mikan (who is usually impulsive and quick to act) bizarrely hesitates before making a move, but ultimately can see that the teachers are of no help and that they need to put matters into their own hands. This will come up in the Z Arc as well.

This is the start of a very important arc. Mikan will learn a lot about both Sumire and Natsume, two classmates of hers that she doesn’t like at all. By the end of the arc, she won’t dislike either of them, but will instead count them as friends.

Chapter Fourteen

Mikan and Sumire immediately start bickering. Their working together is what helped them escape in the first place, but now that they’re successfully out, they’re at each other’s throats again. And this distraction is what gets them caught. They’re saved by Ruka, but there’s still the question of finding Reo’s car and catching up to it. This spurs Sumire into using her alice for the first time in the manga. It’s incredibly useful, and combined with Hotaru’s muscle patches, it helps them get pretty far in tracking Reo.

Mikan would much prefer this pursuit be by car, though, because they’re both tired and catching up on foot is difficult. But Sumire snaps at her that involving other people in this would be dangerous. They’re special, as Alices, which means they have different responsibilities, including keeping innocent people safe and not involving them with dangerous kidnappers.

What I like about Sumire is that all of her personality traits are double-sided. Her feeling of Alice supremacy is simultaneously rooted in elitism and concern for non-Alices. The "new side" we see in this arc is not the appearance of new traits, just new perspectives. Sumire's strengths are her weaknesses, bla bla bla, so on and so forth.

It’s this exchange that helps Mikan see a new side to Sumire too. She may be elitist about her alice status, but she also has concern for others’ safety that not even Mikan had considered. She is surprised, but this changes her views on her classmate. Sumire was the first between them to run after Reo and take action, even when Mikan was frozen with shock, and she’s the one speaking up about being responsible now. There’s good to her.

But they both get kidnapped too. Add one more trauma to the list.

Mikan wakes up to some peculiar scents and to the feeling of someone’s breathing. When she opens her eyes, she sees that she’s mere inches from Natsume’s face. She jumps away in shock. She and Sumire have both been kidnapped and tied up, just like Natsume. They wanted to save him, but now they’re in just as much trouble as he is. They can only gather so much about their new surroundings before Reo comes by and they pretend to sleep.

What exactly am I supposed to take away from this panel? Like, obviously I know that they're only this close incidentally but still! There had to be a reason to include this nonsense. They didn't have to be this close.

Reo is not an easy villain. The manga did not dabble with some cartoonish evil. This guy is willing to chloroform and kidnap kids. He’s engaging in child trafficking, with commandeering a child soldier for his organization. This is what we might call a “terrorist group,” and Reo is so focused on killing the evil academy that he can’t see how much bad he’s doing that is on a similar level.

Irrelevant.

Mikan and her classmates are in serious danger and it’s hard not to be terrified when the situation seems so bleak.

This being said, Mikan’s POV is nowhere near as dismal as Natsume’s. Mikan, even in a situation as dangerous as this one, can’t fathom that they won’t somehow be able to escape. It’ll be hard and scary, but Mikan doesn’t worry that she could die or actually be sold. Whereas Natsume wakes up into this situation resigned to the fact that he’ll probably die tonight, Mikan still has hope even when it seems they don’t have a shot.

All they can do is listen for now as Reo talks to his subordinates, who inform him that the boss is not happy with his brash actions.

In the anime, Reo is sent by Z to kidnap Natsume. Everything he does, from the very beginning, is with that aim in mind. He expresses dissatisfaction with the higher ups in his own organization. But in the manga, Reo decides to kidnap Natsume on a whim. He saw him by chance and then things spiraled until he had managed to kidnap three different kids. Reo is desperate for his boss’s approval, acting above and beyond what is expected so that he can get… praise, maybe? He likes his boss, and getting his disapproval now only further encourages him to prove that this was not a bad idea.

He affirms that he’ll get Natsume to join their group and that the girls will be sold overseas as soon as their alices are figured out.

Reo approaches, kicking at Natsume with his shoe, musing about the Black Cat.

What's interesting is that because we rarely get details on his missions, we have no way of knowing if Natsume does murder people. I would guess yes, because the DA class has in the past forced children to murder (Persona killing Izumi--intentional on the ESP's part even if it was an accident) and is implied to have forced children into sexual situations (namely Luna who was groomed and Narumi who was made to use his alice on grown adults) so it wouldn't be uncharacteristic. Even Yuka killed people by taking "their souls" in their old age via stealing their alices. A little tangent. The DA class is a human rights violation.

Mikan and Sumire are unfamiliar with Natsume’s black ops identity, with his secret life of child soldiering. But Reo isn’t. Natsume is the bane of their organization, he explains, a boy so strong he can regularly overpower the alice-limiting cat mask he wears on missions (and in fact never takes the mask off during missions). But even more than that: when he was eight years old, he set his entire hometown ablaze. According to Reo, Natsume was sent to the academy instead of prison, where he was given the chance to be “rehabilitated,” only to act as a spy and antagonize all the school’s enemies.

That’s what the DA class is, after all: a spy-training organization.

Mikan and Sumire are shocked at what they’ve just heard.

Mikan thinks back on all the rumors she’s heard about him, that he’s a murderer, that he hates the academy. He has a power he doesn’t want. It all seems to click into place, more puzzle pieces aligning themselves to make a clearer picture of Natsume.

Until Sumire snaps that Natsume is not that kind of person. She’s sure that Reo is lying, and Mikan is then reminded of Ruka’s words, when he told her not to say bad things about Natsume.

Natsume has apologists and haters, and then he has Mikan, who cannot help but see good and bad and is endlessly confused by the paradox of his being.

Natsume is a jerk, for sure, and certainly not her favorite person.

But he also plays with animals and babysits his younger classmate. He can smile sometimes.

Whether or not it’s true is unimportant: even if he is a spy, he’s still her classmate, her partner.

So they have to escape, all together, because they came all this way to save Natsume, and there’s no reason why they would back out now. (Again demonstrating how powerful her optimism is--she cannot imagine that this mission of theirs will fail. They came here for a reason, therefore it will all turn out okay.)

Chapter Fifteen

Their escape plan isn’t really going anywhere until Natsume wakes up. They’re relieved to see that he’s up and okay, but despite the dire situation, the scene manages to stay silly, with Mikan trying to gnaw Sumire’s ropes off. It’s Natsume, who just woke up, who brings attention to Mikan’s earmuffs, which she suddenly remembers are for communication.

I’ll get into this more during the Z Arc, but Mikan gets little glimpses here that Natsume is different, especially since Reo just shared his DA activities. The idea that his life is miles away from anything she could imagine is fresh in her mind. Mikan and Sumire are innocent kids who got nobly but still naively involved in a very dangerous situation that they still don’t fully appreciate; Natsume is so used to being in this kind of situation that he can focus on what’s relevant.

They’re able to get into contact with Narumi, who urges them to keep pretending to sleep and to have Natsume burn off their binds. He keeps on talking, giving them advice on how to maneuver their dangerous situation as Natsume does as he’s told, burning his own binds and then moving to untie Mikan’s. She’s preoccupied with him, since he looks so obviously unwell. He looks even sicker after having used his alice, and she’s concerned about him. It’s intriguing that even though they’re all in a dangerous situation, it’s specifically Natsume’s visible illness that concerns her. It is so important, in fact, that worrying about Natsume takes precedence over really listening to what Narumi is saying. It’s important that Mikan specifically is worried about Natsume, that it’s her who shows concern and gets distracted.

Mikan sees that Natsume uses his alice (able to overpower an alice barrier, thus demonstrating his seemingly limitless power) and then gets sicker. Classic symptoms of the fourth alice shape. Only thing is that she doesn't actually know what that is yet. All in due time.

She’s distracted enough that she gets caught. Reo swoops in and swipes the earmuffs. He mouths off to Narumi and then tosses the earmuffs aside. He has bigger fish to fry, like finally figuring out what the girls’ alices are. He uses his own alice to get Sumire to confess that she’s a somatic ability type. Mikan has the nullification alice, which is effective against pheromones, so she tries to snap Sumire out of it. To distract from that, Natsume throws something to move their attention.

Mikan always prioritizes her friends over herself. She and Natsume have this in common, even just in this scene, where Natsume the martyr chooses the girls’ well-being over his own because he knows he probably won’t survive this anyway. The difference between them, though, is that at the moment, Mikan is so concerned about Sumire and later Natsume, that she can’t think about her own well-being. Her concern for others overrides her ability to even consider herself. She doesn’t view her actions here as sacrificing her own safety; it’s simply the right thing to do, which makes it the only thing she can do. She doesn’t even consider staying quiet because it never occurs to her that she can or should.

Natsume is apparently weak. He was hospitalized for a reason and their current predicament doesn’t change the fact that he’s still exhausted and unwell. But he’s still taking Reo's attention on purpose to protect the girls. Mikan watches as Reo taunts him with the promise of working for his organization instead of the school that he hates so much. Natsume smacks him off but before Reo can retaliate, Mikan throws herself between them, pushing Reo away.

She protects first, thinks of consequences later.

Why should Natsume have to listen to all of this? He’s sick! Mikan can see that he was trying to protect them, even in his weak state. She sees that someone who is suffering is being mistreated and overpowered and once again, it’s simply not an option to sit still. Mikan is impulsive so she often does the first thing that pops into her mind, and the first thing that pops into her mind here is to protect Natsume. She doesn’t wait long enough to consider the consequences of her actions, both because of her impulsivity, and because acting on this feels right. She just wants to stick up for her partner, to keep him from being mistreated by Reo. But she gets caught as a nullification alice in the process. Reo confuses her with his instant fascination, claiming that she even looks like “that woman” from ten years ago, and thus he commands his subordinates to research what they can about “that woman.”

Mikan only ever gets glimpses into information about herself. Nobody’s about to share what they know with her here, even though it clearly concerns her. Again, Mikan is often left in the dark in this way, both maintaining a sense of mystery for the reader while also making Mikan uninformed about herself. The thing is--and this will become more clear later--that Mikan isn’t so stupid that she can’t hear. All she has to go off of in regards to her potential parentage are little dropped hints like this, little suggestions of a dark history with no solid basis for her to go off of. Mikan acts happy-go-lucky, but an emotionally intuitive girl like her can tell that this information is important, even if it is limited. We’ll see more evidence later that Mikan isn’t simply being talked at; she is intaking the information. She just doesn’t have time to focus on it right now when other stuff is going on.

After all, Mikan can only afford to be confused for a moment. They’re finally left alone, and this is their chance to act. Sumire learns that they’re by the ocean, that there’s a warehouse with dynamite a little ways away, and that there’s nobody else around to save them.

So Natsume tells them to run for it. He can take care of himself, after all, and they’re just burdens on him.

Yet another example of Natsume being good--proving Ruka right. He is more than just a cold, heartless jerk. Ahh he only becomes more complicated!

They do run at his command, until he calls attention to himself, distracting Reo and his colleagues. He threatens to blow up the dynamite nearby if they move an inch and makes it clear that he’s not bluffing. He summons a fire in his hand to prove that. He’s so powerful he could overpower his mask, Misaki-sensei warned her when she first met him. And now Reo said that he regularly does on missions, to the point that his enemies only know him by his black cat mask. And now he demonstrates that he can summon a sizable flame while running on nothing but fumes. She saw him just a moment ago, when he burned the ropes, that he was exhausted by even the smallest use of alice. She can tell that this cannot be easy for him, even if he looks calm and collected.

But then he shouts at them again to run and they have no choice but to obey.

The girls are escaping, and Sumire is proactive again, thinking about what they’ll do next and how to find the academy. She stays on the mission Natsume gave them and is intent on listening, convinced that they can find someone who will help them and rescue Natsume. She trusts that Natsume knows what he’s doing, that he’ll be okay.

That’s the problem: Sumire can’t fathom that Natsume is involved with black ops because he’s a good person, and she chooses to trust him for a similar reason. He wouldn’t do something he didn’t want to do. He is good and smart and that means that he will be okay, that he’ll get out of this safely.

But Mikan has no such delusions. She knows that Natsume is a complicated person--he confuses her on a near-daily basis. He could be involved in some shady underground spy activity. He could be an arsonist or a murderer. That still wouldn’t make him black or white. For as cruel as some of his actions have been, she’s also seen sides of good to him.

But she also watched him just now too.

He was very sick, and she’s been worried about him all this time. She doubts he’d be able to escape on his own the way he promised. He threatened to blow himself up with the rest of them, and even showed off that he could do it, that he could use his alice even with a barrier, even with his illness.

Mikan saves his life through a cocktail of Natsume skepticism and intuition. There's really no evidence that he should be trusted here.

Mikan’s most spectacular trait, her intuition, kicks in again.

She doesn’t trust Natsume.

She doesn’t think he’ll be able to make it out alive.

She has a bad feeling and she trusts it, pulling her into turning back around and toward the warehouse that she just left.

She could be home free, back to the academy. She doesn’t even like Natsume that much anyway. Who really cares? Why would she go back to the scary place she just escaped instead of heading further towards the promise of safety?

Because she trusts the feeling in her gut that tells her that if she doesn’t go back for Natsume, she’ll never see him again.

And he’s her partner, damn it!

This is a huge difference between the manga and the anime, I believe. The manga here portrays Sumire’s trust in Natsume’s character as sweet and noble but ultimately misled. Meanwhile, the anime seems to put stock in her statement. Natsume is far too good a person to do such things, she says--and it must be true. The anime makes it a point to have Natsume state that he never does missions he disagrees with or that he’s morally against. Natsume is too good a person!

But the manga stresses that it doesn’t matter how good a person Natsume is, he doesn’t have a fucking choice in the matter. He wouldn’t do it if he had the choice not to--not any of it. But he doesn’t have a choice. Thus Natsume, who is a good person at heart, has actually done terrible things for the school. He has bloodied his hands on their orders and blackened his own heart in the process, leading him to become cold and miserable.This is why Mikan goes back and not Sumire. Sumire looks at Natsume and sees a cute classmate she has a crush on, who is intelligent and talented and good. She looks at him and sees stars. But Mikan sees more. She knows he’s capable of good as well as bad. She can see--even if she doesn’t fully articulate this thought--that Natsume might be the product of his situation in some ways. It’s clear he’s involved in some messed up stuff, so she doesn’t trust him. She doesn’t see stars when she looks at Natsume; she sees a person.

Chapter Sixteen

Mikan is not Sumire. She doesn’t trust that Natsume will be okay. She’s got the feeling that he’s gonna try to blow himself up to let the two of them escape, and that’s not an acceptable option for her. She’s heading back, because Natsume’s gonna kill himself to save them, and she can’t allow that to happen.

She catches him at the last possible second. She was right not to trust him!

He’s about to do it: kill himself.

She tackles him and nullifies the flame waiting in his hand and whatever flames were bound to follow.

"Did you seriously want to kill yourself?!" Read my Natsume essay for the answer (spoiler: it's yes).

Mikan instantly berates him, now that they’re on the ground and no warehouses have exploded. He was really gonna kill himself. Does he want to die? Mikan can’t understand that, because if he could see why Sumire and Mikan deserved to escape, then he should want that for himself too! How can someone see value in others, and not in himself?? (Hmm, Mikan, I wonder.)

Reo takes advantage of Natsume’s current state to scream at him to submit. Mikan catches him in her arms, holding him up. Then Reo taunts Mikan that she ruined Natsume’s plan. Now that she’s back, it’s all for nothing.

Natsume asks why she came back, but all Mikan can answer is that she was worried. She had to come back because he is her partner. She didn’t think about it; it was an impulsive choice but it wasn’t a choice at all. Again, she becomes so concerned for her friends at times that self-preservation does not even occur to her. What matter is saving Natsume, so she will act to do that, without considering that she could be hurt. And she says it so matter-of-factly: “I had to come back. You’re my partner.” Like it’s stupid he would even ask. What else was she supposed to do?

Not "I won't leave you behind," but "I can't leave you behind." This wasn't optional.

You can plan a million AUs for this manga, with hundreds of different decisions divulging into a million different outcomes. But there will never be a universe where Mikan doesn’t come back for Natsume. It would never occur to her to leave him behind. (Perhaps, it's in this way that they are fated.)

It’s too late to think back on that now anyway. She had to come back, because he’s her partner. That word might not mean anything to him, but he’s her idle puzzle, a little mystery she’s been trying to figure out after getting occasional tidbits of insight into what makes him tick. She still doesn’t fully get him: the black ops thing just blurs things even more, but she knows that he doesn’t deserve to die alone in a warehouse just to make sure she and Sumire get out okay. He deserves to live too.

Reo is sick of their “flirting,” so he commands his subordinates to capture them, but he had accidentally affected them with his alice earlier too, so they’re out of commission for the moment.

Mikan is resourceful. She’s the one to take advantage of the confusion this time, throwing dry cement into Reo’s face and dragging Natsume out of the warehouse with her.

Mikan does this all on instinct, because she can’t fathom not doing it. But the fact of the matter is that she just saved a person’s life with her alice. Moreover, she’s still protecting him, acting as the only barrier between life and death for him. If she hadn’t come back, he’d be dead. Like he was the first real example of what her alice can do, he’s also the most glaring example of how valuable her alice is, how much of a medicine it can be. Mikan doesn’t really think of any of this right away and she’ll continue to feel down on herself for all the things her alice can’t do instead of focusing on all the good it can do (but Natsume will know better).

Hotaru used her alice to help them earlier, with the earmuffs and spy gear. Ruka helped too, distracting the teachers so Sumire and Mikan can get away. Sumire helped, using her own alice, even if she is insecure about it, to find Natsume. Natsume used his alice to get them free. And Mikan finished it, using her own alice to save his life.

But it’s even more than just her alice--her personality, her optimism, loyalty, empathy, intuition, curiosity--all of it is what kept him from dying. If Mikan wasn’t Mikan, Natsume would have died. She’s the only one who would have gone back, even with such little information. She’s the only one who would have thought to.

This is what I think the story means by them being fated. The timing, sure, the way others pair them off, yeah, but also this. They are “meant to be together” insofar as Natsume is destined to fall in love with the person who saves him and Mikan is the one who saves him because she is herself; just like she falls in love with him because of who he is. (This makes sense in my head but is so difficult to put into words, but I’m trying my best.) Miriam-Webster defines a soulmate as “a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament.” Though there’s a lot of definitions and concepts like love or soulmates can be difficult to define because they encompass such abstract topics, I’ll use this one, even if it’s not precisely what I want to convey here. They are suited for each other perfectly because Natsume needs someone who is curious and doesn’t take him at face value; she gets conflicting information so she looks harder until she can see things he’d rather keep a secret. Because she’s unique in this way, she’s the only one who would have come back for him in these circumstances. If fate is an agent here, it is simply setting pieces on the board--nobody is compelled to act or feel beyond what they choose. If this is incomprehensible, I’m sorry. I honestly don’t know how to better articulate this idea.

She lugs him along, but he’s weak and slow and they’re not getting very far. He’s heavy too, causing her to eventually slip and fall down some stairs. Natsume suggests she get out of here and leave him behind, but Mikan refuses. They bicker for a moment until she shouts that she won’t do that. Even if she could, she wouldn’t. She came back for Natsume. This whole day has been about saving Natsume. Everyone has been working hard to bring him back safely. She won’t give up, no matter what, especially since they’ve come so far. As I’ve said a hundred times, Mikan can’t imagine giving up!

Thinking really hard about how little she thought about any of this.

Mikan doesn't fully comprehend why Natsume would be willing to do what he almost did. Mikan has never given up in her life, and she’s not gonna start now, not even on him. And she doesn’t understand why he’d be willing to give up, not just on his own life, but on all their friends’ work to bring him back home.

There’s a panel of Natsume, playing with the dog, then the word, “spy.” Natsume remains an incongruity, a mystery, a mess of mixed messaging. She sees good amongst the bad, even if Reo wasn’t lying. But that also means that he should, that his future might have just enough good in it to make it worth it. She doesn’t fully get him, but she doesn’t have to. She knows enough to know he matters enough to save.

They’re about to be caught, so Mikan doubles down. She picks up a pipe and prepares for a fight. She’s a little girl with a pipe but she’s gonna protect him. She’s not gonna give up. There’s a future waiting for both of them. “Let’s go back to the academy together.” Because once she got it in her mind that she was going to save Natsume, there was no way she’d go back without having done so.

Natsume sees the situation is hopeless so he gives up and nearly kills himself; Mikan sees the situation is tricky so she grabs a pipe. Nothing is ever hopeless, even if it looks that way. This situation is no safer now than ever, but she's gonna fight 'til the end. After all, her optimism often pans out, time and time again.

They get found and Mikan attacks the guy. But she’s sadly overpowered quickly and thrown against the wall. It hurts, but she’ll live. But before she can start moving again, Natsume is screaming and suddenly setting off an explosion.

Little bit of an overreaction?

She comes to in a rush, demanding to know where Natsume is. When she’s finally calmed down, she finds out that everything is fine. Ruka thanks her for saving Natsume and on top of that she’s finally awarded her first star, promoting her to single star status!

She’s finally proven herself. She is a capable Alice, not just a stupid troublemaker, and she helped rescue somebody. She protected him and now she’s being rewarded for it. She’s just been through a traumatic ordeal, but in the end it all worked out. Things are looking up. It’s interesting how Mikan was just kidnapped but she can still look on the bright side. It takes a lot more than that to break her (but don’t worry, it will, eventually). Honestly I think this is in part due to the fact that Natsume and Mikan’s experiences just now were not the same; she did not view this event in the same dark way as he did. She never lost hope, while he instantly succumbed to the idea of dying. Additionally, everything did work out. It was scary, but all three kids were able to get out alive and with minimal damage. This was just a scary situation that the three of them were able to overcome.

We are officially past the expository stage of GA, now that Mikan is a real, bona fide Alice student.

On top of that, she was able to follow Narumi’s advice and the festival hasn’t even started yet: she did make more friends, and spent time with people she usually didn’t. She understands both Sumire and Natsume much better now. She was able to see how noble Sumire can be, how responsible and thoughtful she is, and how quick she can think on her feet, even in a tough spot. And she learned a lot about Natsume too, how he was willing to die to let the two of them get out safely, how much he struggles through his illness, but how strong he can be anyway. She also got some insight into the secret life he’s living, though she still doesn’t even know the half of it.

Though she considered these two both to be her worst enemies, they’re now people she’ll think of as friends, more or less, going forward.

So of course, the first thing she does when she gets her star is run to Natsume’s room to show him. Mikan slowly started to understand him and now he’s a friend. Just last week, she might have never even considered showing him her star. But things are different now; they’ve gone through shared trauma together, have helped rescue each other. She can’t imagine that they won’t be friends from now on. In her mind, everything--especially in regards to Natsume--is different now.

I think this arc cements the closing of the introductory part of the manga. We will still slowly be introduced to more concepts and lore, but this arc finishes up all the exposition, which is neatly symbolized by Mikan becoming a “real” Alice student and proving herself as valuable, getting her first star. It also does a good job of suggesting, and what I mean by that is:

Natsume and Ruka both have feelings for her now, which will be consistent for the rest of the manga, even if it isn’t explicitly said.

Both Natsume’s and Mikan’s complexes and insecurities have been fully introduced and will continue to be explored throughout the manga especially when it comes to their relationship (particularly their relationship with their alices and how important the other is in that regard).

It establishes that this manga is not actually a comedy and that terrible, dark things will happen. The Reo Arc is actually terrifying. Nothing that happens in this arc is normal or to be disregarded. Natsume almost killed himself. Reo wanted to sell Sumire and Mikan into the human trafficking trade. Natsume does black ops missions. This arc demonstrates not only that the manga can get dark, but that it is bound to get much darker. They can’t always get away unscathed after all.

AAJSKHJKFHJKAHDSJKSA. Ugh! No words.

Conclusion

This arc is really important for the both of them, both individually and for their relationship. I understand that Natsume falling in love with her in this arc might overshadow Mikan's own role here, but her own thoughts and feelings are just as central. After all, Natsume falls in love with her for a reason.

I had a lot of thoughts about this arc and their soulmate-ness that is demonstrated here, but thoughts like these are hard to put into words so I struggled a little with this analysis. Natsume is so much easier to write about sometimes. Mikan can be an enigma.

Tomorrow, we'll discuss the aftermath of this arc and particularly the fact that Mikan now views Natsume as a friend instead of an enemy, or at the very least someone she wants to befriend.

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doeilovr · 4 years ago

Text

DREAMING

-> Pairing: Na Jaemin x Reader

-> Genre: Angst, a bit of fluff

-> Warnings: mentions of car accident and amnesia, smoking, swearing, mentions hospital

-> Words count: 3.5k

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Jaemin opened his eyes, the fluorescent light making his head hurt a bit. He looked around, mouth dry and mind blank. Jaemin’s eyes were still adjusting to the light, when he suddenly felt a hand on top of his.

Jaemin’s eyes wandered to your sleeping figure, head resting on the bed, while your hands were covering his gently. He froze, studying you with furrowed brows.

You moved in the probably uncomfortable position you were in, lifting your head to meet Jaemin’s eyes. “Hey”, you gently said, almost in a whisper and with a warm smile on your lips.

“You slept here again”, Jaemin stated, trying his best to smile back at you. You shrugged, properly sitting up in the chair, hands not leaving Jaemin’s.

Jaemin studied you, his eyes wandering between yours and your warm hands.

Why, just why was it so hard to remember. Jaemin wished he could remember you the way you remember him. He wished he could give back the love that radiated from your eyes.

You chuckled awkwardly, pulling your hands back to fix your hair and shirt. “So”, you mumbled, “I hope you atleast slept well?”

Jaemin smiled, seeing your awkward expression. “Like a stone”, he nodded, “why, did I often sleep unwell?” He was suddenly curious, wondering what else you knew about him that he didn’t.

You bit your lip, “actually, you just stayed up late often, working.” Jaemin was a photographer, that he remembered, but everything after one year ago was erased from his memory.

Which was a lot, since he had met you a year ago. You immediately fell for each other the moment his eyes found yours. You met in a park at midnight, both of you in need of a walk and some fresh air.

Somehow you both stopped by a busker that night, Jaemin being attracted by the voice of the singer performing in the almost empty riverside park and you overhearing the words of comfort hiding in his lyrics.

You and Jaemin had talked until the early morning, just sitting by the river. And afterwards you had both left, feeling happy until you realized you hadn’t even exchanged numbers.

Neither of you believed in fate, yet somehow you crossed paths only a week later in Japan. Both volunteering for the same organization. You couldn’t believe your luck, neither did Jaemin.

Jaemin didn’t waste any time after that and asked you out a few days later when you were both back home again. You were young, but every step with Jaemin felt just right.

The car accident happened so fast, leaving Jaemin with bruises and amnesia. And you with a shattered heart.

He was in the hospital for a whole week now and it was so hard to introduce yourself to him again, as if you didn’t date him for a year already. And having Jaemin constantly look at you like he didn’t promise to be with you forever just a week ago.

But as heartbroken as you felt, you saw how much he tried to remember and make you feel comfortable. You couldn’t help but get yourself together aswell, for the sake of Jaemin and your relationship.

“It’s lunch time”, the door to Jaemin’s private room opened, the male nurse walking in, holding a plate of food and putting it down in front of Jaemin.

“Thank you, Jeno”, you smiled, sitting on the edge of Jaemin’s bed. Jaemin looked between you and the male nurse, wondering if you were friends or something.

“There’s some food for you too, y/n”, Jeno smiled back. “Jaemin, enjoy the lunch!” Jeno patted him on the shoulder slightly, before he turned around to leave again.

You moved a bit closer to Jaemin, preparing the food for him and pouring him a glass of water.

“Oh, yummy”, you clapped, eying the food on the yellow tray, “it looks really good.”

Jaemin bit the insides of his cheeks, his eyes on you. “Can- can you help me?”

You stared at him, heart clenching at the sound of his almost helpless voice. “Sure”, you whispered, moving closer once again.

You fed Jaemin in silence for some time, smiling at how much he enjoyed the warm food. “Have some too”, Jaemin suddenly spoke, nudging his head in your direction.

You nodded, taking a bite from the food aswell, not even thinking anything as you ate with the same spoon. “It’s good”, you smiled, covering your full mouth with one hand.

Jaemin chuckled at the sight, “I’m glad.” You continue feeding Jaemin, making sure to also let him have a sip of water in between.

“By the way, the doctor said that maybe you could go home in a few days already. Isn’t that great?” You smiled again, watching carefully not to spill any food.

Jaemin raised his eyebrows at you, swallowing the bite quickly. “Home.. to my family?”

He seemed genuinely confused and you suddenly felt bad, having forgotten for a moment that he didn’t remember everything you shared together.

“We live together. In a small apartment. But I mean if you want to go to your parents’ house instead-“ you shrugged, Jaemin interrupting you quickly.

“No. I want to stay with you.” He nodded, more to himself, eyes staring blankly on the half empty plate in front of him. “Besides, my family’s in Busan. I would have to travel and I don’t want to do that right now.” You only nodded at his words, continuing to eat in silence.

—

On the weekend, the doctors agreed that Jaemin could finally go home. You packed his stuff, while he changed in the bathroom, before the two of you left the hospital, taking a taxi home.

For both you and Jaemin it had been a while since you were last out. Especially Jaemin seemed very careful and almost anxious.

You unlocked the door to your apartment, letting Jaemin go in first. You had asked a friend of yours to come by every couple days to tidy up the space.

Your apartment was small, a bedroom and en suite and a cozy living space. You had no balcony, but access to the rooftop, which was pretty great too.

You were almost a bit frightened, watching Jaemin drop his bag and look around, stopping by the pictures on the bookshelf.

Carefully you approached him, taking a look at the picture in his hands. It was taken in Japan where the two of you met for the second time.

You really liked that picture, both of you doing what you loved the most, helping others. “When was this taken?” Jaemin tilted his head, squinting his eyes a bit as if he tried hard to recall the memories.

“In Japan, a year ago. This was our second time meeting each other”, you explained, Jaemin nodding.

“We met while volunteering?”

You hummed in response, “yeah and we couldn’t believe we had the luck to meet each other again like this.” You couldn’t help but smile a bit.

“Wait, when did we meet the first time then?” Jaemin turned his head to look at you.

“At a park, a couple weeks earlier. We were strangers, but we both stopped to listen to a busker and I don’t know, we were drawn to each other somehow.”

Jaemin smiled a bit, not remembering the feeling, but still knowing what you were talking about. “Kind of romantic that we met again”, he mumbled.

“Yeah”, you giggled, “we stayed there for a few days, helping where we could. We sticked together for the whole time, probably afraid we could lose each other again.”

“And then? Did I ask you out?”

You nodded, meeting Jaemin’s eyes. “Yes, only after we spent a few more nights together. It was kind of cute how quickly you asked me out.”

Jaemin furrowed his brows, “we had a lot to talk about, huh? I mean, is it normal to spend so many nights talking?”

He seemed really confused, but you couldn’t help but laugh, smacking his arm slightly. “I didn’t say we talked”, you added with a cheeky grin.

Jaemin stared at you with wide eyes, suddenly flustered. “Oh”, he only mumbled.

You walked into the kitchen, feeling a bit bad for laughing at him. “Are you hungry, Jaemin? I can make you dinner if you want?”

Jaemin placed the frame back on the shelf, before he walked into the kitchen too, looking around. “I am yes”, he answered, eyes roaming around. “But could I maybe wash up first?”

You turned to face him, standing on the other side of the kitchen island. “Oh my god, sure. Sorry, I hadn’t thought about that.” You scratched your head, feeling a bit awkward.

“It’s fine”, Jaemin bit the inside of his cheeks, “ehm, where was the bathroom again?”

You gestured behind him, “it’s next to the bedroom. You can take a bath if you want. I can cook in the meantime.”

Jaemin nodded. “We have a bathtub?”

“We do”, you smiled, your heart hurting a bit when you remembered how much Jaemin wanted one when you were searching for an apartment together.

“Cool”, Jaemin grinned, “then, I’m gonna take a bath.” He turned around, disappearing in the bathroom. The sound of the water being turned on was heard soon after.

You prepared a simple dinner, consisting of noodles and a salad, while Jaemin washed up. You couldn’t wait to also wash up, rinsing off the smell of the hospital.

“Y/n?”

You turned around, having just poured the sauce over the spaghetti. Jaemin stood in the living room, a towel wrapped around his waist, his wet hair covering his forehead.

“Yes Jaemin?”

“Could you help me with this”, Jaemin held up a fresh bandage, indicating for you to help him with his wounds.

You nodded vigorously, putting the pot in the sink before you walked over to Jaemin, gesturing for him to sit on the bed, since it was more comfortable than the sofa. You kneeled down in front of him.

“I could have done it myself, but-“ Jaemin started. “Don’t worry, I’m happy to help”, you smiled, eyes focused on the bandage he handed you.

You carefully removed the old one from his stomach. The scar underneath looked a lot better already. “I’ll put some ointment on it”, you whispered, one hand moving to hold his waist, to have a steadier hand.

Jaemin hissed at the contact, “your hand is cold.” You looked up to him with apologetic eyes, mumbling a “sorry”.

Jaemin watched you intently, feeling so grateful to have someone by his side. He still wished he could give back the love that he always saw in your eyes.

It really burdened him that he knew barely anything about you or the life you shared.

“I’m sorry”, he suddenly mumbled, not even realizing he had started to cry. “I’m sorry I can’t give you the love you deserve. Or anything at all. I’m sorry that I hurt you so much, I really wish I could remember everything. I really do. I’m just sorry.”

You blinked back tears, your heart clenching at his words. “Dont apologize, Jaemin.” You sat down on the bed, pulling your boyfriend into a hug. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. And you don’t have to be sorry, okay?”

You couldn’t help but also cry, both of you just hugging each other tightly, sharing the same pain. Jaemin pulled back after what seemed like forever, holding your head with both of his hands.

“I’m gonna try my best to be the man you deserve again. I’m gonna go back to be the Jaemin you knew. I’ll try my best”, he promised, thumb brushing over your wet cheek.

You only nodded, overwhelmed by his loving words for you. Jaemin gently placed a kiss on your forehead, drying your tears with his thumb. “It’s gonna be okay”, he whispered, pulling you back into his arms again.

Jaemin’s promise was what gave you hope again. He really tried, learning about himself and you. Trying to be his old self again.

You tried aswell. Feeding him with the information he wanted and being there for him when he needed you.

Nothing could change your love for Jaemin, you felt like it only grew with every day. But you still couldn’t help but wonder if Jaemin even felt the same love for you.

A few days after you had shared these loving words, you and Jaemin sat in bed together. You were reading, while Jaemin looked through albums with pictures he took the past year.

They were mostly of you and the trips you had made together. They were mostly connected with volunteering, which made Jaemin happy. All he ever wanted was everyone around him to be happy.

He found a fairly recent picture, where you two were sitting at lunch. Jaemin couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw himself holding a cigarette.

He gasped, which made you immediately look at him in concern. “What’s wrong?”

“I- I smoke?” Jaemin was really shocked about himself. “Am I stupid?”

You wanted to laugh at his cute voice, but you remembered how hard the past few months in your relationship were because he started to change.

“Well you did. Doesen’t mean you still have to”, you shrugged.

Jaemin dropped the album in his lap, turning his head to you. “Any other stupid thing I did that you haven’t told me yet?” His voice got really high in the end, while his eyes only widened.

You bit your lips, a few things coming to your mind. Jaemin’s eyes widened, since it had only been a joke. But you really did seem to have some things to say.

“Actually”, you sighed, putting your book down, “I don’t know why you did all of these things, but at some point you really.. changed. It was only a month ago, when we would start to fight more often. I was really convinced you would leave me, but then-“, you cut yourself off, averting your eyes.

Jaemin tilted his head, “so I was an asshole?”

You looked back at him and couldn’t help but let out a loud laugh. “Jaemin”, you smacked his shoulder playfully.

“Only an idiot would do leave someone like you”, Jaemin mumbled, shaking his head at himself.

You cleared your throat awkwardly, “I mean, you’re still here right.”

“And I always will be”, Jaemin smiled, grabbing your hand and giving it a light squeeze.

At this moment it felt as if the Jaemin you had once met at the park at night sat in front of you again. Not the Jaemin he had turned to before he had the accident, but the Jaemin that looked at you as if you were his whole world.

You unconsciously leaned in closer, Jaemin now only inches away. His expression was of a mixture of fear and adoration.

Jaemin didn’t dare to move or lean in closer, he was scared. Scared he would hurt you again. Panicking, he lowered his head, dodging your kiss. “We should sleep, it’s late”, he mumbled, letting go of your hand and lying down.

You watched him with a sad expression, watched how he shut off just like he did back then. And somehow it hurt even more now. Was it because you had crossed a line? Asking something from Jaemin he wasn’t ready for?

Without another word you put your book aside, lying down aswell and hoping that tomorrow was gonna be better.

—

“Jaemin listen”, your sharp voice cut through the noise of the engine, Jaemin sighed as his grip around the steering wheel tightened.

“I don’t want to talk about it, we’ve had this before”, Jaemin answered, seemingly annoyed.

“There you go again, shutting off whenever I want to talk it out”, you shrugged, staring at Jaemin’s side profile as his eyes were focused on the street.

It was night and you were driving home from dinner. It was an evening he had planned out so well once, your one year anniversary. But the plan he had a few weeks ago just didn’t seem right anymore.

“If you can’t accept me the way I am then maybe we should stop it”, Jaemin suddenly spoke out. You couldn’t believe his words, couldn’t believe that your Jaemin was capable of saying something like this so easily.

“No, that’s wrong. Jaemin, you can’t do that.”

Jaemin let out a short laugh. “See? That’s the problem. You won’t let me do anything. To you I’m so perfect. Perfect Jaemin”, he explained with a loud voice. “But I don’t want to be that anymore.”

A tear rolled down your cheek. “So you say you wanna break up, because you can’t bear me trying to help you.”

“Help?” Jaemin took a quick glance at you, his focus quickly going back to the street. “When did you ever help me, huh?”

“What do you mean? I told you to start taking photography seriously. I told you to stop smoking, so many times. And you told me you were thankful. Was that all for nothing? Was it all just a lie?”

Jaemin was silent, his head spinning. You turned away from him. “You’re such a fucking asshole, Na Jaemin. I can’t believe I spent so much time on you. On loving you”, you muttered.

“What did you just say”, Jaemin sounded surprised, glancing at you from the corner of his eye.

“Just let me out, for God’s sake”, you shouted. Jaemin stepped on the brake, the car coming to a quick halt.

You were about to unbuckle your seat belt, taking one last look at Jaemin. He was staring at you, as hurt as you. “I- I’m sorry”, you whispered, tears streaming down your face. “I’m sorry for believing we were meant to be.”

Just when something flickered in Jaemin’s eyes, your gaze wandered behind him. It seemed like time had stopped in that moment, when two headlights came closer and closer until they fully illuminated your car.

You and Jaemin looked at each other and then the car hit you.

Jaemin who hadn’t buckled his seatbelt out of anger hit his head several times, unlike you.

Jaemin opened his hand a few times. One time when the ambulance had just arrived and his eyes wandered to your figure that was still in the damaged car.

Another time when they transported him down the hallways of the hospital. Several nurses and doctors shouting and talking.

“Stay with me Mr. Na. Stay with me”, a male voice shouted. Jaemin would always recognize Jeno, the nurse that took care of him the most in those days in the hospital that followed.

And then one time when he was already in his private room in the hospital and you were there beside him, crying. “Jaemin you can’t leave me. Please”, you sobbed, your warm fingers gently trailing along his arm. And that’s when everything went black until he woke up with amnesia.

Lying close to you, feeling your heart beating and I'm wondering what you're dreaming Wondering if it's me you're seeing

Jaemin halted next to the River, listening in on the sweet tunes from the busker nearby. He walked up to the young man, who stood alone in the park at midnight, singing his heart out.

He smiled to himself, the familiar melody warming his heart a little. He looked around, stopping on the figure on the right side of the busker. On you.

In a quick moment your eyes met and something inside Jaemin told him that everything was gonna be alright. All his grey days would become so bright and colorful.

And like that, like the little switch that turned when he saw you for the first time, all his memories came flooding back.

—

Jaemin sat up in bed, breathing heavily and sweating. Startled you turned on the light, moving closer to put one arm around him.

“What’s wrong Jaemin”, you asked concerned, rubbing his back gently to comfort him.

Jaemin’s breath was still shaky. “I had a dream”, he muttered, still trying to calm his beating heart. Jaemin turned to you, his eyes full of love and emotions.

“What”, you asked again, not knowing what was going on. Jaemin smiled, a tear building in the corner of his eye.

“I love you. I love you so much”, he smiled, embracing you tightly. You were still a bit confused from his sudden reaction. “I love you too Jaemin, always will.”

“I’m sorry for doubting we weren’t meant to be”, Jaemin whispered against your neck. You mouth fell open, but Jaemin didn’t let go off you, only hugging you tighter.

“Jaemin”, you whispered, at loss of words.

“I remember, I remember it all”, he cried, moving back so he could look at your eyes. “I love you so much and I wanna thank you for sticking with me for so long. For not giving up on me”, Jaemin confessed, feeling absolutely overwhelmed.

You didn’t know whether to cry or smile, your heart felt like it healed again. “I missed you so much Jaemin.”

Jaemin held you against his chest again, gently stroking your back like he always did whenever you were sad. He was back, your Jaemin was finally back.

“I’m not gonna leave you ever again, I promise”, Jaemin softly spoke, planting a kiss on top of your head.

“I know.”

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a/n: this one has been in my draft for ages.. and finally I finished it hehe :3 I hope you enjoy it and I also wish you a nice weekend! Btw I’m also working on all the requests ;)

#nct #nct jaemin #na jaemin fluff #na jaemin x you #na jaemin x reader #na jaemin #na jaemin angst #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct u #nct dream #nct fluff #nct angst #jaemin #jaemin angst #jaemin oneshot #jaemin x reader #jaemin fluff

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mycrofts-gunbrella · 4 years ago

Text

Caring is the Greatest Advantage- Part 3 (Mycroft Holmes x Reader)

AN- Thank you for the patience for this one! My little boy has been unwell so it has taken a little longer than I had hoped but here is the third instalment! It’s a little shorter than the others but that’s because I wanted to contain the angsty part in one chapter, the next ones will hopefully be longer..

This one is a little more angsty, a lot more emotional, but I’m quite happy with the outcome and I hope you are too! As usual, please let me know any thoughts/feedback! And enjoy!

Word Count: 2510

"Is it just me that finds Stephen Fry a bit.. sexy?" You spoke, watching the television as Young Ones' Scumbag College competed on University Challenge. "I don't know what it is about him. He's just.. got such a lovely voice, and he's so sodding clever and his CLOTHES- got much better looking with age, mind." Mycroft only hummed, neither agreeing nor disagreeing.

"Hmm.. He's not really my type." You laughed and petted his head fondly.

"You don't have to be gay to find another man attractive Myc." You mused. "Me and Greg talk about it all the time, though he fancies Hugh Laurie more, especially in Blackadder." You laughed, thinking back on the memory of Greg's fondness of George in the Blackadder Goes Forth series.

"I'm aware that sexuality and attraction are not the same, Y/N. I am comfortable enough in my own heterosexuality to appreciate another man's features. In fact, I very much agree with Gregory's view on Mr Laurie. Stephen, however, is not my type. The few people that did speak to me in University used to tell me I reminded them of him in the way I behaved but, and I quote, 'without even a lick of his humour, you miserable bastard.' Thus, I cannot look at him in that way." He laughed a little and you cleared your throat.

"Oh.. uh, yeah I guess that makes sense. Not the humour part though, you're actually hilarious and they missed out big time." You tried to avoid the point where you'd deemed Stephen Fry sexy in every way he was similar to the man who was laying in your lap, and just hoped he wouldn't bring that up.

"He definitely got the looks side of things though, particularly as General Melchett in Goes Forth, though I am not particularly fond of the facial hair." He screwed up his nose in distaste, you fighting every ounce of your control to not say he looked a bit cute. "And certainly didn't have the waistline that 21 year old Mycroft had."

"Speaking in the third person now, are we? Well, Mycroft, Y/N is comfortable enough in her friendship that Y/N thinks Mycroft can be sexy in his own ways too." You teased, partly embarrassed, but equally just trying any way to improve the man's confidence, even by a little. Mycroft choked a little on his own saliva and had to sit up to regain his own breath. Too far? "Sorry." He shook his head 'no' but didn't speak. In his moments of regaining his composure, Mycroft watched you. Processed in his head what you had said- 'was it a joke?', he couldn't read anything on you that would suggest that, though his eyes were glassy from the choking- watched as you panicked, then subsiding the panic to concern as you made sure he was okay. All these things, he thought, he didn't deserve. He took a deep breath and reached for the television remote, pausing the show and settling back on the other side of the sofa. It had to be done now. Done while his brain was allowing it, before he got attached... before he got attached even more. He couldn't keep pretending it was okay, keep accepting your compliments and your kindness, couldn't allow himself to go any further in his.. attraction?

It was always unspoken between the two of you- your not so subtle hints to Mycroft over the last few years hadn't got unnoticed, Mycroft would be lying to himself if he didn't admit that he felt the same way, though this was perhaps the most open you had been; he would always put it off, try to think of reasons why you shouldn't be more than whatever you are now- most of the time it circles back to work, your busy schedule at the Yard and his unpredictable working hours mostly, saying to himself that it would simply be pointless, that you wouldn't see each other. But he knew that was a lie- you see him as often as you can, even if it's just for an hour on lunch, and everyone knows he would do his best to move empires to have you over for dinner had it been a while, quite literally actually.

Then there was age, you were in your mid-to-late twenties, he in his forties, though that argument also fell flat after you had mentioned your last long term relationship had been with a man your elder, amongst many of your interests in celebrity males that you had mentioned being closer to his age than yours- and, on his behalf, it was usual for a Politician to walk into formal dinners with a younger woman on arm. In the end, it all went back to the real reason Mycroft put everything off, a reason he hated admitting to even himself. Mycroft was scared.

Having been the age he is with no sexual experience, no previous relationships, and not even many friendships, he was terrified he would humiliate himself and you would leave him completely. You were both adults, both clever, you both knew there was always 'something' there, but without you ever acting upon it, Mycroft decided to live his life keeping you as a friend rather than risk not having you at all. He felt guilty enough having you here anyway. He couldn't allow you to keep stroking his hair like that, or letting you sleep in his bed with him, hold him as he snored, when it was for completely other desires in his own mind, not without speaking to you. No, that wouldn't be fair- even if he didn't fully understand everything himself and was still incredibly scared. You needed to know the truth, about everything, and, if there were the slightest chance you'd forgive him, he had decided he couldn't wait any longer, couldn't put it off anymore, he wanted you to carry on doing those things, wanted to continue the nights you would stay in his bed. But Mycroft wanted it to change, he wanted to be able to start the night with a ghost of his hand on your hip, without waiting until you were asleep to bring himself to have that courage, to wake up next to you and not feel the awkward need to move so soon, just to stay a little longer. Christ, Mycroft wanted every cliché in the book with you, and it took him until yesterday to realise how much he wanted that, after nearly losing you. And he needed you to know, even if it risked it all.

"Y/N I-"

"I know, I'm sorry, I took it too far I was just messing about.. Not that I didn't mean it, I wasn't joking about you.. You are very attractive, but it was inappropriate.. I shouldn't have said it.. I just wanted to help.. though I don't think it did, might have made it worse, actually.. Didn't want to say anything and let you find out.. like that.. not that it matters.. because I AM happy JUST being your friend, over the moon, actually.. so I don't want you to think I ruined that... Because I know you don't feel.. like that.. and you're not saying anything which is scaring me a little because you're always talking.. Not that I don't like that.. I love you talking to me, you've got a lovely voice.. and.. and I'm going to shut up again.. sorry.. again.." You rambled, a lot, too much.. far too much. Mycroft tried to process everything, his eyes closing at every word. You were making this so much harder for him, admitting everything like that. Mycroft hunched forward in his position and braced his elbows on his knees, index and middle finger of each hand holding the weight of his head by his temples.

"No just.. Just stop talking for a moment." Mycroft snapped, cutting you off as your mouth opened to speak a little, the small jump back made his gaze soften. "Please." He spoke softer, apologetic. "I can't.. talk about that.. not yet. Not until you know.." You went to speak again but his head tilted, eyes containing a rare glaze of vulnerability, trying to stay in contact with your own but constantly dropping back to his lap- a silent plea to stay quiet, be patient and just give him a moment. And you did. Turning your body completely sideways, you crossed your legs on the sofa, hands resting folded in your lap as you encouraged him to continue with a brief nod of your head. "I fear if I don't tell you of yesterday's happenings in this very moment that I never shall, and that is far too selfish, even of me." He took a deep breath in. "But I just.. need a moment. A few, likely, throughout." You nodded your head again.

From there, Mycroft began to explain everything that had happened, told you of his sister, where she had taken him, Sherlock and John, what she spoke about, what she tried to get them to do. His voice cracked every so often, knuckles whitened as his fists clenches, creases formed in his trousers where he squeezed his hand on them, but you listened to every word and stayed silent- eyes welling with small tears. Mycroft spoke of the screen, told you of the snipers that were out there, targeting Ms Hudson and Molly. Your body stiffened as he added Lestrade to the list, feeling your throat tighten a little at the mere thought of losing Greg. Mycroft pressed on, told you about how Eurus tried to make Sherlock choose between him and John, told you how he'd tried to convince Sherlock to just shoot him, how Sherlock refused and threatened to shoot himself. His voice went breathless at the end of that, the idea of losing his brother so easily still fresh in his mind. You loosened your sitting position and leaned over, taking Mycroft's hand in your own and squeezing. He sighed again and closed his eyes.

"Please, don't." He whispered, trying to fold his hand into a fist to escape your embrace. You didn't let go and offered your other hand on his back in support as you watched a stray tear fall down his cheek. "I said don't!" He shouted, moving from your touch and standing up from the sofa, beginning to pace as his face contorted into more pain, another tear following the path of the last. You sat back, watched him, didn't take the anger to heart. "It was my fault! All of it!" He ran his hands through his hair and tugged, moving them after to wipe the droplets from his cheek.

"Myc it's ok-"

"It isn't okay Y/N! No part of any of this is even remotely close to okay!" He stilled now, posture going back rigid as he looked at you, eyes bloodshot and glassy. He told you of his Birthday present to Eurus- five unsupervised minutes with Moriarty- and started his pacing again. "A man died yesterday because of me. Sherlock, John, Greg, Ms Hudson, Molly. They all almost died yesterday. You almost... you almost died yesterday." His breath hitched again, lip softly quivering at the end of his words. You tensed a little and frowned, confused and urging him to elaborate. "They weren't the only people on the screens, not the only ones with a red dot on their heads, Y/N." Gaze avoiding you now, turned completely to face the wall rather than look at you at all- giving him a chance to compose himself, steadying his voice. "I saw you, you were happy, just dancing and making tea, but at any moment you could have... and it would have been my fault. And I know I should have told you yesterday, it was selfish of me using you the way that I have without letting you know everything. You could have been gone before I could tell you everything, before I could explain how I feel about you, and it all came rushing to me the moment I saw your face on that screen. I’m so sorry, for everything, for ignoring everything, for being the reason you almost-" The last thing Mycroft had expected was the feeling of arms around his waist, the feeling of a head resting between his shoulder blades, soaking the shirt with tears. You sniffed, holding onto him tighter as you cried into his back.

"It's okay Mycroft." You spoke, voice croaking from tears. "They're okay.. I'm okay. And you're going to be okay. I'm not going anywhere." The relief Mycroft felt from your words ran through his body as he slumped a little, left hand holding on to where yours joined on his stomach, his right lifting to his eyes where, in a very rare moment, he allowed himself to weep.

***

Neither of you were too sure on how long you stayed like that, Mycroft being held in your arms as he quietly cried into his hand, you into his back, but it was long enough that your feet were beginning to ache and Mycroft had become silent a short while ago. You attempted to loosen your grip but Mycroft quickly grabbed back at your hands, holding them to him again. You changed your tactic and instead circled round until your hands remained together on his back, you now at his front and you gave him one last squeeze before guiding him backwards to the sofa, taking your place next to him but keeping your arms around him.

"I'm sorry." His voice was broken, quieter than usual. You shook your head and fought the urge to cry again.

"Don't." You spoke, sliding a hand down to hold his own that rested on his thigh. "Don't apologise Myc. You didn't do anything on purpose, you were just trying to be a good person.. a good brother. We're both still alive. Sherlock, John, Greg, Ms Hudson, Molly, they're all fine, and I have no doubt that it was partly due to you that they are still okay- whatever the three of you did in there, it worked, and that's all that matters to me." Mycroft shifted, his eyes finding yours once more, scanning, searching, trying to find anything that showed you were lying, that you didn't trust him anymore, but he couldn't find anything.

"But I-" You placed a hand at the back of his neck and leaned forward slightly, your lips meeting his briefly for a few seconds before pulling back. It wasn't desperate, or longing, or out of lust- it was everything Mycroft needed. Everything that let him know that you weren't going anywhere, that you still wanted to be around him, to be with him. He relaxed but didn't speak, his hand beneath yours just turning to allow your fingers to lace together as he let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. You rested your head against his shoulder, smiling softly as you felt his own rest atop yours before falling into a comfortable silence.

#mycroft #Mycroft Holmes #bbc mycroft #bbc mycroft holmes #mycroft x reader #bbc sherlock #reader insert #mycroft holmes x reader #mycroft holmes x reader smut

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stopbeingrude · 3 years ago

Text

Hi guys. Happy Gruvia/ Greige day. I wish all of you wonderful time.

That's gonna be the first one shot , i have ever published here, feedback is welcome. I hope It's not that bad and you'll somehow like it lmao.

,,I think I would rather have a plushie as a Christmas gift…., but I guess I shouldn't be too picky."

-Dad? - called 6-year-old Greige, on one December afternoon, when both him and his father were decorating a christmas-tree in the living room . December 24th was slowly approaching. It was Greige's favorite time of the year , because he was able to spend Christmas with all of his family, including all of his uncles , aunts and friends. Not forgetting about grandpa Makarov . Even Uncle Gildards would show up, bringing something for the kids. -I was wondering what would happen if Santa's reindeer suddenly wanted to pee while flying?- asked seriously little boy. No one wanted to tell him that. When he asked big bro Romeo , he just started laughing and then he called him silly. "How could he do that?" -thought heartbroken Greige after. -Heh , where did that come from? ... you know ... they'd have to stop somewhere by, right? Daddy doesn't know much about it- said Gray, trying to keep himself from laughing. He couldn't laugh, he knew it would offend his little angel. Their son hated when someone made fun of him . After all, he was already a big boy, and everyone knows that such must be taken seriously. - So maybe Mommy knows? I will go and ask her,- said the little boy, putting down Christmas decorations . Speaking of mom, he had recently noticed his mother's strange behavior. She had been getting tired very easily lately, she often took naps. He also noticed that she spent an enormous amount of time sewing ,mostly clothing. Well.. he was aware of his mom's hobby, but usually it was limited to sewing plushies, sometimes socks or fixing their clothes. - You know, I don't think mommy knows more than me - said Gray after hanging the last Christmas-ball. - Besides, you know that mommy is sleeping now, right? She hasn't been feeling well lately, so she mustn't be disturbed. Something was off, even Daddy acts differently- thought little Fullbuster Now, that got the boy worried. - Is something wrong with Mommy? - asked slowly Greige He loved Mommy and Daddy most in the world and the very thought of them suffering hurt him deeply. "No, I won't start crying…Boys my age don't do that..." He had often been told that he should stop being such a crybaby (mostly by Yajeh or Nasha . Shutora would never. She was always trying her best to cheer him up,while reminding her twin and little Dragneel that if they won't stop with this stupid teasing, she would make sure both of them would regret it later). Unfortunately Greige could not help it. Whenever someone was hurt or something went wrong, he would usually cry. Turns out he inherited his mom's sensitivity... "Mommy…..something was definitely wrong with her.." The thought of something happening to his dear Mom filled him with great terror once again. He started shaking What if she's ill, or even worse..she's gonna….. "No , no , that's not possible..." - he shook his little head full of dark , curly hair. - I'm overreacting, just like Yajeh told me - No, no.. don't worry, Greige, Mommy's fine, it's nothing serious,"-Gray said quickly, trying his best to calm his son down, giving him a hug and then kissing him on forehead He knew exactly what was going on with his beloved, in fact, when an excited Juvia came back home one evening and informed him of the pregnancy, he was overjoyed. Soon he will be holding his son or daughter in his arms. Then it hit him. The baby might turn out to be a girl, and Gray had no idea how to take care of girls...Dear God….Ok ,ok.. he still has plenty of time to learn. He can always ask Gajeel about it..yes Gajeel or Alzack...even Elfman ( he would never ask Natsu, even if he's life depended on it, that would be too humiliating for him). Wait...it wasn't his top priority right now. After all, he needs to inform his son about the news first. Neither of them was quite sure how to do it. They remembered very well the situation from a few months ago when the Redfox twins got into an argument. Horrified, Greige stated that being an only child is not that bad, since having siblings meant constant war. Although being honest , Greige never

directly told them that he hates the idea of having a sibling . Considering how much time he spent with Nasha and Elfman and Ever's daughter Ember, or year-old Reiki Fernandes, it would seem that he's perfect for the big brother role. Besides, they can't hide it forever, sooner or later he would notice Juvia's belly. However, the biggest concern for Fullbuster was the fact that such news could lead to a longer conversation, which again could lead to uncomfortable questions that Gray was not ready to answer. He is not going to tell his son about the birds and the bees. No, no, hell no… None of them are ready for this! "Come on Gray, what's wrong with you, you just have to tell him. You've been in worse situations….after all, you've fought with all sorts of criminals, weirdos and monsters ,compared to what you've been through, it's nothing''- thought the ice mage But how to start such a conversation? How about …. -Hey Greige, have you written a letter to Santa yet? "Yes, just ask him what he wants for Christmas and make a few innocent suggestions." -Oh no i didn't, thank you for reminding me Dad. - And tell Daddy, what would you like to ask Santa for? The boy was silent for a moment, most likely to think about the answer, but after a while he called out in a loud voice. -I'D LIKE TO ASK HIM FOR PEACE IN THE WORLD AND FOR EVERY POOR PERSON TO GET A BETTER LIFE AND FOR EVERYONE TO BE HAPPY!..... It would also be nice to get a new plushie……but it's not as important. Do you think Santa can do that?-he asked hopefully Gray stood there for a moment, stunned. His baby was truly an angel...wishing happiness upon the entire world, it nearly made him tear up…. but no... he needed to explain to his son that he should wish for something more....... attainable. -Ooh... really..that's....very nice of you, but...I think that such a wish...yym...takes a bit of time and Santa w-won't be able to do it…., why don't you ask him for….. for example a toy like a teddy bear, figurines....or new books or something else...I don't know.......sibling?... Greige looked at him, like he had just proposed to him to take a walk on the rooftop. Where did that come from? What is dad talking about? S-sibling...?? -Sibling? You mean like a little brother or sister? A baby?- asked the little boy loudly. -Yes, that's exactly what I meant, but well you'll need to wait for a while, because it takes time for a baby to….be ready.- mumbled out Gray - So that's not really a Christmas present- stated boy still visibly shocked -...Well y-yes , but... -But didn't you say mommy has been feeling unwell lately?...If we had a baby, wouldn't it be tiring for her?....Besides, do you think we need a new baby? - asked seriously Greige Why would they need a baby? They were living happily in this house , just three of them. It's not like he dislikes babies , they're cute and all…..but it's just simply weird.. -Well... I wouldn't say it's necessary , but it would be nice to have one at home.. don't you think?....- asked his dad Maybe? -And don't worry about mommy, I am sure that she will be so happy with the new baby , it will make her feel better.- stated Gray , this time with a smile -Hello my darlings- Juvia's voice said suddenly They both turned their heads toward the bedroom's door, finding Juvia's tired but smiling face there. Greige quickly got up and ran toward his mother. -Mommy, are you feeling better? Do you need anything?- said the little boy, hugging her legs. Juvia kissed her son's cheek. -Hi sweetheart, Mommy is fine- she answered while taking a seat next to her precious Gray, giving him a quick kiss on the lips. -Did I hear you talking about babies?- Juvia asked, pretending to be surprised, while giving Gray a tiny smirk. - Daddy said it would be nice to have a baby and that it would make you feel better... - he began. - I don't think a baby is necessary, because it would be a little strange that there will be more of us in the house, but if you really wish for one ,then that's fine with me. -Really? Mommy's glad to hear that.-

replied a happy Juvia , giving her husband a big smile. Gray gave her the same smile, but just when he thought everything had been taken care of, there came the soft voice of his baby boy. - Mommy....Daddy...but you won't love the baby more than me, will you? - asked Greige, with his head lowered and tears in his dark eyes. Both Gray and Juvia stood there very surprised, neither of them had even thought of such a scenario. -Greige, what makes you think that?- asked older Fullbuster. -Sunshine, no...- Juvia hugged her son quickly- You mustn't think like that, we would never stop loving you. Remember darling, parents love all their children equally. - You know, its true that we'll have to spend a lot of time taking care of your brother or sister, but you have to remember that they won't be able to do anything on their own. You were like that when you were born too.- said Gray - I'm sorry. I won't do that again- said Greige seriously. -Do you think I offended the baby? I don't want the baby to think I don't want him or her,- said the terrified boy .What if the baby will always remember this and he will never be forgiven. - Don't worry, honey, I'm sure she won't mind,- said the water mage, stroking her belly. -She?-Gray thought. Turns out his wife wasn't telling him everything... -Wait a minute! -said suddenly Greige after a moment of silence -The baby will be in the tummy, just like Reiki was in Auntie Erza's , right? - Well baby is already there, but your right - answered Gray -Daddy? - Yes buddy ? - How did it get there? Shit. -Yyyy… Horrified, Gray turned his gaze to his wife, silently pleading for help. -You know what, angel? It's almost 8pm, I think it's time for you to take a bath, okay?- proposed Juvia, saving her husband from very uncomfortable talk. - Ok Mommy. Will you read me a bedtime story after we finish? - Of course They were already moving towards the bathroom when Juvia quickly turned towards her husband, gave him a kiss on the cheek and whispered : -You're welcome. Has Gray already mentioned how much he loved his wife?

Bonus!:

( ok I swear it was funnier in my head...Once again Happy Gruvia day !!!)

#gruvia #greige fullbuster #one shot #gruvia day #Mila's art #attempt at humor #greige day #gruvia family-day

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heytherejulietx · 4 years ago

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okay you already know what I want, but that prompt 35 pls and if you want a kissing one with it, top of head kiss would work well 🥰 ILY BESTIE

Hurt / Comfort prompt list.

Kisses prompt list.

Reggie Mantle - Helping the other person when they’re sick and have nobody else to help. | Top of the head kiss.

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Y/N let out a low groan into her pillow when her phone started ringing, the noise so loud it hurt her head, which already felt like she had been hit with a shovel. She reached her arm out and patted across her bedside table for a moment so she didn’t have to open her eyes, which felt like they were glued shut; and managed to knock over a bottle of water and a photo frame in the process. By the time she had picked up the phone she was frowning, huffing as she answered it and put it to her ear.

“Hmm?” She managed to briefly hum as she rolled onto her back, her body aching and sore.

“Good morning sweetcheeks,” Her best friend’s voice boomed over the phone and she groaned, immediately turning the volume down. “Woah, ouch, not happy to hear from me?”

“You’re too loud Reggie,” Y/N complained quietly as she lifted her hand to rub her eyes. “Why are you calling, shouldn’t you be in class?”

“Shouldn’t you?” Reggie countered, and she winced a little.

Y/N had meant to tell him she wouldn’t be in school the night before but she must’ve passed out before she had the chance. She hadn’t been feeling too well for the whole weekend; her fever kept getting worse and each throb of her headache felt like a direct shot to the brain. To make it worse her parents weren’t home as they were out for two weeks on a trip, so she was on her own. And she definitely didn’t have enough energy to even crawl out of bed, let alone go to school.

“Sorry Reg I meant to say, I can’t come in today.”

“Why not?” She could practically hear him pouting over the phone and couldn’t help the slight smile that passed over her lips.

“‘Cause I don’t feel too well. I’ll sleep it off today and I’ll be back tomorrow, promise.” She said quietly, before she lifted her arm to muffle a coughing fit that came along suddenly, leaving her chest and throat burning as she frowned.

“Shit, Y/N, that sounds bad. Are you okay?” Reggie asked, his voice softer than before and full of concern, something rare for the jock. “Can you ask your parents to get you some medicine or something?”

“They’re not home,” Y/N told him, wheezing slightly when she started feeling another coughing fit coming along. “Look Reg I need to go, don’t worry about me I’ll be fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah okay, see you.” Reggie responded before she lifted the phone from her ear and ended the call, sighing as she just dropped her phone onto the duvet, too tired to reach over and put it back on her nightstand.

As quickly as she had been woken up her eyes started closing again, drifting off into an uncomfortable and achey sleep that she expected to drift in and out of all day.

What was not expected was a loud knock at her door just over an hour later, followed by four impatient rings of her doorbell.

Y/N scowled as she opened her eyes, hoping whoever was there would go away, though after six more impatient rings of her doorbell and bangs against the door that she was sure could leave a dent she groaned and forced herself out of bed to open the door.

Everything was sore as she got to her feet and shuffled into her slippers, still in the same pyjama trousers and an old Bulldogs jumper that she had stolen from Reggie that she had been in for the whole weekend. Her hair was still up in the same beyond messy bun too, loose hairs spreading out like she had been electrocuted. The flush in her cheeks from her fever was prominent, sticking out against the pale sickly colour of the rest of her face.

By the time she had gotten to the door she was wheezing from another coughing fit, and had to cover her mouth with her arm again as she pulled it open to reveal who was there.

Reggie Mantle.

“M’lady.” He bowed falsely as she had opened the door and she frowned in confusion, eyeing him up.

He was still dressed like he was going to school, his backpack still slung over his shoulder, though in his arms he carried a flask, a handful of sunflowers that looked suspiciously like the ones she had in her front garden, a water bottle, and a bottle of medicine.

“Reggie, what- what are you doing here?” Y/N’s mouth opened as she stared at him, more confused than anything. He didn’t particularly like school but he never skipped Mondays - Mondays were the days for Bulldogs practice.

“I’m here to see my favourite little honey-bun of course.” Reggie teased as he reached out a somehow free hand and gently tapped the edge of her nose before he held everything with two hands again as he stepped inside without waiting for her to let him, allowing the door to shut behind him.

“You have school.” Y/N deadpanned, and he rolled his eyes as he looked at her.

“Thanks Captain Obvious, what a real find you have there.” Reggie responded and Y/N huffed as she crossed her arms.

“No seriously Reg what’re you doing here, you’re gonna miss class and-“ Y/N started before she cut herself off as she started coughing again, wincing as the pain spread through her chest with every cough she let into her sleeve.

“Okay calm down before you end up dying on me,” Reggie shook his head, emptying his arms onto the nearest surface so he could gently rub her back as she coughed. “You said your parents weren’t here and it’s really shitty to have to be sick on your own so I wanted to help.”

When Y/N had turned to look at him he was smiling genuinely which caused a similar expression to form over her lips, thankful that he would do something so kind for her. “Thanks Reg.”

“No problem,” He shook his head, before he paused and moved to grab the flowers again and held them out to her. “These are for you, sugar plum.” He teased and she rolled her eyes but took the flowers nonetheless.

“Thank you, I’ve got some sunflowers just like this outside.” Y/N smiled and almost laughed out loud at the panicked look that briefly crossed his face.

“What a coincidence,” Reggie mumbled, scratching the back of his neck, before he cleared his throat and took the flowers back from her. “Okay, you go get in bed and I’ll get these in a glass and sort everything else out.”

“Everything else? Reggie what-“

“Go, now, don’t make me count to three.” He threatened jokingly, and though she rolled her eyes she still turned to walk back upstairs, leaving Reggie to fumble around downstairs. He had been in her house enough times to know where everything was already. Reggie usually came to her house when things were getting hard with his dad, and although her parents claimed to have no clue what his situation with his dad was like, there was always a blow-up bed prepared on her bedroom floor when he happened to stay for dinner.

Y/N got back into bed and propped her pillows up so she was sat against the headboard, signing as she leaned back. It was another ten minutes before Reggie walked through her bedroom door, carrying a tray with him that he placed on her bedside table. On the tray sat the sunflowers in a glass of water, a bottle of water, a bottle of medicine, and a bowl of soup - which was what she was assuming was in the flask he brought. Even though he didn’t seem like the type, Reggie was an amazing cook, and made the best soup. She had mentioned how much she liked it once, and somehow since then whenever she was feeling sad or unwell Reggie brought her some of his soup for her to have.

Y/N couldn’t help but smile softly as she watched him carefully place the tray down before he moved to sit on the bed beside her, passing over the bowl of soup with a spoon.

“Thank you, Reggie.” Y/N said softly, her voice full of sincerity as she leaned against him slightly, smiling further into her first spoonful of soup when she felt his arm curl around her shoulders.

Y/N and Reggie had always been very close. It was normal for them to hold hands, or for him to carry her, or to pretty much do everything that a couple would do, other than kiss. Half of the time Y/N didn’t know where they stood on terms of their relationship, whether they were best friends or whether they were more, but she knew for a fact that she wouldn’t trade it for anything; she had the best person on the planet all to herself.

Y/N ate the soup quietly as she listened to Reggie telling some story about football, letting him do all of the talking as she had the soup that he had made for her. She didn’t look away from him as he spoke, and before she knew it she had finished the whole bowl of soup and half of her bottle of water by the time his story was over.

She wheezed again as she coughed which prompted Reggie to reach over and grab the bottle of medicine, causing her to frown a little.

“The liquid stuff’s really gross.” She pouted, and Reggie just rolled his eyes as he poured a spoonful out.

“Take it or I’ll spoon feed you.” Reggie threatened jokingly, and thinking he wouldn’t she just shook her head and didn’t take the spoon from him, leaving him holding it up in the air.

Reggie just shook his head and lifted his spare hand up to her, a finger underneath her chin which he used to tilt her head upwards. Her mouth fell agape upon shock of the action, her heart suddenly fluttering in her chest madly, so he used the opportunity to fit the spoon into her mouth so she could have the medicine.

Y/N pulled a face as soon as the bitter taste hit her tongue which prompted the jock to laugh as he took the spoon back, and handed her the water bottle to wash away the bad taste.

“Aww you’re so cute, you know that snookums?” He teased as he tucked her underneath his arm again, and she just groaned quietly as she nudged his ribs with her elbow.

“Cut it with the pet names, Mantle.” She huffed quietly as she let her head drop to rest on his shoulder.

“Why, pumpkin, you’re just way too adorable to stop.” Reggie teased again and grinned, causing her to just roll her eyes in response.

After a moment she watched as Reggie reached over to her bedside table to grab her hairbrush, and before she could ask what he was doing, she felt his fingers carefully pull the current hair tie out of her hair before he started running the brush through her hair gently. Her eyes fluttered closed as he brushed her hair, and then ran his fingers through it after; which caused butterflies to pool in her stomach and a stupid girlish smile to paint over her lips.

She stayed quiet for another few moments as she leaned into him, fiddling with the sleeves of his jumper she was wearing to keep her fingers busy before she turned her head to look up at him again once he had finished brushing her hair, leaving it in a loose ponytail once he was done. “Thank you for coming today,” She said softly, meeting his eyes as he smiled genuinely too. “It means a lot.”

“It’s no problem, I just didn’t want you to be alone.” He said softly and shrugged a little.

Y/N smiled softly, though yawned before she could say anything else, her eyes closing for a brief moment. With being exhausted from being sick anyways, paired with the warm soup in her belly and the comforting arm around her shoulders, it was extremely tempting to fall asleep there and then.

“Get some sleep,” Reggie mumbled as he gently rubbed her arm, prompting her eyes to close properly. “I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

“Thanks Reg.” Y/N whispered softly with a sleepy smile across her lips.

“Of course.” He muttered, and pressed a kiss to the top of her head which caused her to smile a little more as she relaxed into him, sleepy and happy in the arm of her best friend.

Best friend, though maybe more.

#amber’s writing #userlourdes #riverdale #reggie mantle #reggie mantle x reader #reggie mantle x y/n #reggie mantle fluff

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nabataprophet · 2 years ago

Note

[ 🐺 ] does your muse like solitude? do they prefer it to being around others? how easily does your muse get lonely?

prompts i'd like to receive

gee limit how come the mods let you have three lonely girls

Sophia has lived an extremely isolated life, contained to one little village. As the last full Divine Dragon and Arcadia’s priestess, it only makes sense that Fae and Sophia would be encouraged to stay within the confines of Arcadia.

Sophia and Fae have an interesting friendship where they both remember when they were the same (relative) age and Fae expected them to stay that way, but Sophia eventually started to grow. They’re at odds here: Fae feels lonely that Sophia changes while she doesn’t and Sophia is burdened with the knowledge that comes with maturity. The best example of this dissonance of emotional maturity between the two is how they handle the concept of death; Sophia hides that Igrene’s daughter died from Fae, but she��s very blunt about the fact that she will die before her.

Sophia: But... You can live...for a very long time... Even when I become old and die...you will still live on... Fae: !? No! No no no! You won't die! Nooooo! Sophia: ...... Fae: Waaaaah... Sophia: Fae...I'm sorry... Don't cry... I feel the same way you do... But... That is what it means...to live for eternity...

...But when Fae becomes (understandably) upset that one of her oldest friends nonchalantly brings up how she’s going to die before her, Sophia backtracks and tells her that they’ll always be together, because Fae isn’t mature enough yet to understand what the difference between them is.

Sophia: Fae... Don't worry... I'll always...be your friend... I'll always be with you...all right...? Fae: Really!? Yay! Sophia: Yes... We'll always be together...

So Sophia and Fae will always have each other (unless Sophia marries Roy and moves to Pherae, in which case, oops!). What about other people? Interestingly enough, even though Sophia had more freedom than Fae did, her social circle isn’t much larger than Fae’s. We know that Sophia was free to talk to the Guardians of Nabata (Hawkeye, Igrene, and Igrene’s daughter by extension), Fae, the Elder (FE6), and Athos, but there’s very little indication that Sophia had any sort of contact with the normal villagers. Sophia is Arcadia’s priestess who's been blessed with visions of the future, not someone that people tend to casually approach... especially if we consider how she reacts to Raigh trying to fucking Grab her lol:

Raigh: Let me see your spell books. I don't think I've ever seen... (Raigh jerks upward) Raigh: Ow! What the... Did you just do that? Sophia: ...Please...don't touch...me...

While Sophia is incredibly excited to meet people from the outside, there’s also a tinge of melancholy. If she does not marry Roy, Sophia will always return to Nabata, so every single friendship she makes will be extremely short lived. As much as she wants to experience new things and meet new people, she knows that she because she is half-dragon, she will always have to return to Arcadia, especially after their location was leaked during the Disturbance of Bern. She is not a normal human girl and never will be, so she has accepted that she will never live like one. She holds her relationships close, but it comes with the knowledge that they will always be fleeting.

also i’m feh bridal alt hater number 1 but Sophia’s Bridal alt’s level 40 conversation makes me unwell:

People have...so little time to live. Even I...with half-dragon blood. Eventually...we will all perish. Perhaps...that is why you pledge eternity to someone...someone who understands. A love that won't fade. I can see it. Such a short time. A fleeting moment. And yet...those feelings transcend all. And I... I wish for it too... An eternal love. Someday...for someone to hold my hand...as we walk to the horizon...

First of all, absolutely insane to spend your bridal alt talking about how death is inevitable and we all die eventually, but very on brand we love a weird unsettling girl. Second of all, OOOOOUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHH. Even knowing that if she ever falls in love, she will probably outlive them, but she still wants to experience the kind of love she’ll remember for the rest of her life. So does Sophia enjoy solitude? No, not really. Ideally, she would spend her life surrounded by people she loves, but realistically, she understands that the most she can hope for is watching over people.

#📚 ooc #📚 hc/meta #//fe6 spoilers ahead if that wasnt obvious dfghfg #//mom come pick me up limit's breaking out the readmores again #//sophia will be like a normal conversation. is this an appropriate moment to bring up the inevitability of death (its not)#//congrats sophia on the gender (honorary older sister)#//im rambling but smth smth detachment so you dont get too upset when you outlive everyone but fae #//n loves to kick me like the football

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hushedhands · 4 years ago

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Challenge 83

@cecilia02 @everbeenminee Astra watching Andrew's coronation.

Astra Orders set an alarm for three o’clock in the morning, but she didn't need it. She didn't sleep at all.

Her mom had invited her to watch the once-in-a-generation event with her little cousins in Illéa Palace, but Astra had refused. Kile had offered to stay the night and keep her company, but that hadn't felt right either. Her dad had suggested not watching at all, which was cute but not really a solution. It would be weeks before footage of this faded from the news, and even then there would be anniversary specials forever. Astra might as well bite the bullet and watch the coronation that had almost been hers.

She wished her parents and her boyfriend weren’t making such a fuss about this. History was full of women who'd almost married princes and then gone home to watch them become kings. Her Uncle Maxon had left dozens of such women in his wake when he’d chosen to marry Aunt Ames, though Astra didn't have the telephone numbers of any of them. She wished Andrew had enough ex-girlfriends to make a proper club like the former Selected. It might have been nice to have someone who could understand this indescribable feeling without the need for words to name it.

It wasn't that she wanted to be married to Andy. She had no doubt at all that she'd made the right decision in calling off their relationship, and that was totally separate from the fact that she was now wildly in love with Kile.

But there was something aching in her chest as she watched the aerial shots of the city of London on the little television in her apartment in Angeles, curled up in her warmest fuzzy pajamas, hair in a messy version of her ballet bun, hands clinging to her mug of tea for dear life. Today was the day that standing by Andrew's side for his coronation went from something she wouldn’t do to something she couldn't do. She'd chosen to walk away, but this was the day that the door locked behind her.

Never was a hard word to give to Andrew, even if Kile had her Always.

The camera above the crowd panned past the palace Astra had stayed in that summer, and her chest squeezed hard. Whatever else had happened there, it had been a refuge for her at a time in her life when she’d needed it most.

It all started when she had been offered an incredible opportunity to dance for the Waverly ballet company in the summer, and an opportunity to attend an elite seminar with London’s royal ballet company in the spring, and Kile, realizing that he and Astra wouldn’t see each other for over six months, had broken up with her very suddenly.

Well, technically it had been a mutual decision. She hadn’t seen him much during his first year at school, and now she was off on her own adventures, and it seemed like a terrible time to try to make a relationship work. What if he met someone amazing at university? What if she met someone in Waverly or London? Was it fair to deny themselves new relationships and experiences just because they’d always been together? Weren’t they technically together by default, anyway?

It was a reasonable question. If you married someone you’d had playdates with for as long as you could remember, and you never even tried to date someone else, it was probably a relationship by default… right?

As she got on the plane for London, it had hit her hard that she wouldn’t have a hope of seeing Kile again, maybe for an entire year. The earliest she’d be back in Angeles was the next fall, and that’s exactly when he’d be leaving to go back to school again. And this time they wouldn’t talk to each other on the telephone almost every single day, and she wouldn’t slip secret notes in the care packages his parents sent him from home, and he wouldn’t surprise her by sitting in the audience during a matinee performance after sneaking back into town without telling her...

And maybe he never would again.

It was possible she’d cried the whole flight overseas, it was hard to remember. She must have rehydrated somehow, or she’d have shriveled up and died of the heartbreak. That time was all a blur now.

But what Astra remembered clearly, sitting on her sofa four years later, was the way she’d felt walking into that little old palace on the north side of the city and realizing that it was essentially hers for the season. It really paid to have a paranoid king for an uncle sometimes, because Maxon had pulled a dozen favors with the English royal family to get Astra somewhere safe and comfortable to live for a few months. She was technically an Illéan princess by title, so he wouldn’t hear of letting her rent a crumby apartment somewhere in the city, and besides, wherever she stayed needed to have enough room for a security detail. Still, even for a small palace, it was a palace and it was hers.

The old place had plenty of full-time staff that kept it in good shape as an estate of historical significance to the English monarchy, but Astra herself didn’t have maids or butlers, or a chef to keep her fed. At night, everyone who worked to keep the palace maintained went home, so it was only her and the security detail.

But she was allowed to order takeout from restaurants around town, so on her very first night alone she ordered enough food to live off of for a while, until she could get to a grocery store. She sprawled on a sofa in the downstairs sitting room, doodling in the notebook her Aunt May had given her for her last birthday, until there was a surprise knock on the archway in the entrance of the sitting room.

“Hello.” Andrew stood there, still in his business suit from the day, though with no tie, and with the top button undone. He looked ruffled, and in his hands he carried a large bottle of red wine. “Sorry to barge in… there isn’t exactly a doorbell in this place, and without staff to handle arrivals and departures… well, I did knock.” he awkwardly concluded.

Astra, still in her tank top and stretchy pants from the plane, would have felt severely underdressed to received a prince at a palace, except this was one of her oldest and best friends, and some of the ache in her heart from leaving Kile on the other side of the world eased away just from looking at him. She hugged him, “You don’t need to knock. It’s good to see you.”

“And you.” he hugged her back. “Ah, and here. A housewarming gift.” he offered her the wine.

“You’re just in time for dinner.”

“Am I?”

“It should be here soon. The finest spicy noodles and sautéed vegetables in the land. Although, if there’s no doorbell…”

“The guard at the gate will take it from the delivery driver and have someone bring it in.” he grinned.

“Then what are we waiting for? Let’s go hunt down something to open that bottle.” she said.

A new city, a change of scenery, some delicious New Asian food, a bottle of old wine, a dear old friend… this was the recipe to get over a breakup. Astra knew it, because she already felt worlds better, just struggling to find a way into the wine bottle. There wasn’t a corkscrew in the kitchens that they could find, and this palace didn’t have its own wine cellar, which was the only other place they could think to find wine accessories. In the end, Andrew took an impressive, ancient sword off of a display rack on a wall at the top of the grand staircase and carefully poked the sharp end down until it was lodged into the cork.

Astra laughed so hard her sides hurt as she twisted the bottle out in front of her and Andrew slowly stepped backward. After a couple of tries, the cork loosened up enough that he could use brute force to pull the rest of it out.

When the food arrived, they carried it up to the top floor, to a balcony that overlooked the city, and they had a picnic of sorts.

“Where’s Lucas? You two are usually a package set.” Astra asked between bites of spicy noodles.

“Still finishing up his first year at university.”

“Oh, of course! Kile— “ She stopped abruptly, her chest squeezed tightly, her tongue fell heavy in her mouth, and she drowned the bitter taste of his name on her lips with expensive wine.

“Oh dear. That won’t do.” Andrew leant over and brushed away an errant tear from her cheek. “You mean to tell me… well, he’s safe isn’t he? He’s not unwell?”

“No, no he’s fine. He’s at school… and I’m here.”

Andrew studied her face carefully. He’d met Kile and Astra on the same day, at the same moment, so they’d been friends for exactly the same amount of time. He knew that they’d been together romantically for almost seven years now, the teenage equivalent of a sixty-year marriage. “So you’re… taking time apart?”

“We’ve decided to go our separate ways.” Astra said, the words soft and wispy in her throat. “We’re not… we’re not headed in the same direction anymore. We might never head in the same direction again. After university, he wants to see the world. And I… I might travel around for a while as a dancer, but I can’t imagine not being there for Addy once she becomes Queen… Even if that wasn’t true, we won’t have a good chance to be in the same city for at least a year… and a lot can happen in a year.”

Andrew took a large sip from his glass and then refilled hers.

“That’s really difficult, Astra… I’m so sorry. I know how much you love each other. It must be hell, knowing that you’re growing apart from the person you’re closest to in the world.”

Astra choked a sob in her wineglass and Andrew’s eyes widened, “God, I’m sorry! What a terrible thing to say—“ he sat both of their glasses safely aside and wrapped her in a warm hug.

Astra got his suit all wet from her tears, but she felt comfortable in his arms. “I’m not crying because of you, stupid.” She explained when she had the breath to do so. “It’s definitely because of him. I just… I didn’t think anyone would understand. But you do.”

“I don’t.” Andy rushed to correct her. “Not really. I’ve never experienced anything like that. The closest I can imagine is if… if I lost touch with someone in the Palace kid gang. You’re my best friends, apart from Luke, and I’ve known you forever. If I had to say goodbye to one of you, to lose you forever… it’s not even close to what you’re feeling, but just the thought hurts enough for me to know that you’re going through hell.”

Astra sniffled and collected her wineglass again, ready for more sips, content to allow herself to be comforted by her friend. “Hell has better wine than I expected, I’ll give it that much.”

“Not a bad view, either.” Andrew agreed with a small chuckle, looking out at the city.

“Didn’t expect one of my very best friends to come with me to hell.” Astra timidly admitted.

“And I’m not leaving until I get you out of it.” he’d promised.

Andrew always did have words as sweet as honey.

They drank the whole bottle that night, between the two of them. They had as good an excuse as two teenagers needed: they couldn’t find a wine stopper. Andrew offered to stay the night with her so that she wouldn’t be alone, but now that the world was blurry and warm from the wine, Astra felt delightfully sleepy. She was going to get her first good night’s sleep since losing Kile. So Andrew left, promising to bring breakfast the next morning to check on her.

He checked on her a lot.

He brought her breakfast and dinner every day, and he’d probably have brought her lunch too, except that she was always at her dance seminar during the daytime. Astra ended every night with her body pleasantly tired from dancing, a new half a bottle of wine in her stomach, and her mind full of whatever nice, easy conversation she’d had with Andrew just before bed. Her first week in England flew by.

That Friday night, Andrew appeared in the doorway to the sitting room right on schedule, two bottles of wine in hand.

“You’re mad.” Astra giggled.

“It’s the weekend.” he argued. “You don’t have to dance tomorrow, and I don’t have any public appearances to make until next Tuesday.”

“You’re off work until Tuesday? You English royals really know how to take it easy.” she laughed. She didn’t think her cousins had taken a three day weekend in their lives.

“We’ll keep the second bottle on standby, just in case we decide we want to try it.”

But of course, they were young and it was a Friday night, they definitely wanted to try it. Somewhere after the first glass of the second bottle, refilling glasses got too risky and they started drinking straight from the bottle, passing it back and forth. There was a television show on, showing a concert happening on the other side of the city in a stadium Astra could just see if she stood tall enough on the balcony.

Andrew watched her going almost en pointe to try to spy the stadium, mesmerized by her strength and balance and grace. “Can we dance?”

Astra smiled brightly. Dancing was her favorite in the world, of course they could dance! They danced in their socks to the music on the television until Andrew collapsed, out of breath, on the sofa. Astra joined him, blood pumping pleasantly fast through her veins.

“I’m out of shape!” he bemoaned.

“I’m a professional athlete, don’t compare yourself to me. You did just fine.”

“I did? Do you think I could join the ballet?” He laughed giddily.

She’d never seen him giddy like this.

Andy carried the weight of his country on his shoulders, he always had. Addy hadn’t really started bearing Illéa on her back until she was eleven or twelve, old enough to understand what was coming for her, but Andrew had always been a future king, even when he was tiny. Seeing him now, not a care in the world, laughing about joining the ballet… Astra’s heart twisted in her chest and for the first time since breaking up with Kile, it had absolutely nothing to do with him.

He had no part of this.

Astra leant forward and kissed Andrew on the warm, red cheek.

He looked at her, stunned, smile falling off his face. “What was that for?”

“I don’t know… just because. Just for you.”

“Just for me…” he’d mused.

“For being good to me. For taking care of me while I’m here. For… for being you. Yeah… just for you.” Astra nodded, this time more certain that the words made sense outside of her wine-fogged mind.

“I should be me more often.” he chuckled.

Astra blinked.

Should he?

***

There was a version of Astra’s stay in London where she pined away for her ex-boyfriend every moment she got, and maybe poured that pain into her dancing because it was overflowing from her heart and needed somewhere to go. That’s what she’d been expecting deep down. But what really happened was, she found a favorite market to buy groceries from, she found a bakery between her palace and the dance studio that kept her in much-needed carbs, she found a park with a pond where lots of locals liked to walk their dogs, which meant she got to pet a lot of dogs, and she started falling in love with the city.

And then there was Andrew.

He knew her so well, and they’d loved each other as friends for so long, and spending those mornings and nights with him felt so easy, so smooth.

And he was handsome and kind and… ugh, handsome. Astra didn’t regret kissing him on the cheek. Not even when he stood with her on the balcony a week later, watching the sunset, and she laced her hand with his.

“Are you quite alright?” he’d asked, not because she’d grabbed his hand, but just because he was still so worried about her.

“When I got here, I thought the answer to that question would be no forever.” Astra confessed. “And listen… I don’t really know who I am without Kile, he’s been a part of me for my whole life… but these past two weeks I’ve started to find out… and I like it. I like getting to know me.”

Andrew smiled down at her and squeezed her hand.

“And I like you too, Andrew.”

His smile became pained, “Astra—“

“It’s okay. You’re the next king and blah blah blah.” he laughed, because there were so few people in the world who could blah blah blah being an heir to a throne, but Astra was certainly one of them.

“It isn’t that.” he corrected her with a shake of his head. “It’s… you’re getting out of a serious relationship. You can’t like anyone yet—“

“Yes I can.” Astra scoffed, a challenging glint in her eyes, “Watch me.”

“But we’ve been friends our whole lives, too. Wouldn’t you like to like someone different? A stranger, maybe?”

“Where would I find one of those?” Astra lamented, only half-joking. Having a king for an uncle really limited one’s opportunities to meet strangers.

Andrew peered at her closely, then seemingly made up his mind all at once, saying, “Put on a dress.”

“What?”

“Put on a dress, I’ve got a surprise for you!”

Just like that, Andrew was downstairs talking to his security team and Astra was upstairs trying to figure out what dress to wear. There was a sweet springtime yellow thing… and then there was the red thing.

Astra made up her mind quickly. She chose the red thing. She chose everything that the red thing implied.

She appeared at the bottom of the stairs and Andrew’s eyes widened.

“Is this alright? I have other dresses—“

“S’perfect—“ he muttered and then cleared his throat, “Ahem, that is perfect Astra. Let us be off.”

He formally offered her his arm and she accepted with a proud smirk at the flush in his cheeks, then they ducked into his car and his driver whisked them off across town.

“What are we doing?” Astra asked after they took a turn to a part of town she’d never been to before.

“Did I not say it is a surprise?”

“Yes, but—“

“We’ve got guards, and I’ve gone to this place before. There’s no need to worry.”

“Andrew—“

“It’s where I go when I need to meet strangers.”

Astra blinked, dumbfounded.“You? Meet strangers?”

“How else am I supposed to find a queen? ” he muttered mutinously.

Astra stared over at him for a long moment, never having given it a second thought. Addy would be free to date whomever she chose, but if all else failed she could always have a Selection to find her husband. Andrew had nothing like that to choose from.

Astra was surprised when the car pulled to a stop at the backdoor to a nightclub. Could princes of England really go clubbing? But this place looked like it had tight security, and there were signs posted prominently that there were no cameras allowed on the premises. Andrew’s and Astra’s bodyguards stayed close by as they entered the club and Astra’s ears were assaulted by music so loud she could no longer hear it. All she could hear was the beat.

Andrew took her to the bar and bought her whatever drink she wanted, and then leant in close to her ear so that she could hear him say, “What do you think?”

“It’s a little loud!”

He chuckled, “About the strangers.”

“Oh!” Astra looked around as she spun the little umbrella from her pink drink between her fingers. There were all kinds of men here. Some older than her, some younger, some looked athletic and some looked bookish, and they were all having fun, losing themselves to the same beat. “What do you think?!” she yelled at him.

He looked around at the women in the room, sizing them up, and then shrugged, “Hard to say.”

“How do we meet them?!” Astra was yelling, while somehow he was able to keep his voice low and still be heard when he leaned close to her ear.

“Honestly? They usually just come up to me…” he confessed.

Astra rolled her eyes. Royals.

Sure enough, several women came up to Andrew and threw themselves at him while he and Astra waited for even one man to make a pass at her.

“Maybe you’re intimidating them away!” Astra suggested.

“Maybe so. Do you want me to go dance?”

Did she want him to go dance with one of the strange women in the club so that a strange man might come up to her and hit on her?

Not really, no. She wanted to dance with him. She liked dancing with him. More than that, she didn’t want to dance with anyone else. And she didn’t want him to dance with anyone else. She took his hand and dragged him out to the dance floor, their bodyguards hilariously close by, and they started moving.

It wasn’t dancing the way Astra was trained to think of it. There was no choreography, no gentle swell of melody to carry her movements, this was something far more basic than that. The best part was how quickly she was able to stop thinking about anything but her own breath, the sweat on her brow, and the man in front of her.

There was nothing else in the world. For as long as they could stay with the beat, there was only the beat. Endorphins that she associated with a long hard workout flooded her body, and Astra felt good. And beyond feeling good, she did not feel sad. She did not miss anybody. Not her family on the other side of the world, and not Kile. She was complete right here. All she had to do was make this last forever.

“I am not a professional dancer.” Andrew reminded her, breath coming far too fast to get that whole sentence out without gasping for air several times in the middle.

Astra giggled at him, then hugged him close, “This place is magical!” she yelled in his ear.

“Magical?”

And just to prove the point, and to express her gratitude, she pecked his lips with a kiss.

That was it, right? A kiss of gratitude?

As first kisses went, it was silly. They were both too out of breath to do more than mash their lips together for a second and then go back to gasping for air. Andrew led them away for water and after a few minutes to recover, he was ready to try again.

Astra helped him find a way to move to every other beat instead of every beat, essentially cutting the speed of his dancing in half for him. That helped tremendously. But to help him do this, she had to wrap her arms around his neck to guide him, and once he had the beat it was all much less frantic and much more sensual. This time when they kissed, it was not a silly peck on the lips.

Astra had only ever kissed Kile before, but since that was never happening again, she didn’t allow herself to think about that. She didn’t think about how Andrew was taller than Kile, and his cheeks were softer because he shaved every single morning without fail. She didn’t think about anything except how nice it was not to feel pain. When she was with Andrew, especially when she was kissing Andrew, she felt nothing but joy.

Was she using him to feel better?

If someone made you feel better and wanted to be around you, was that even using them?

They stayed at the club until Andrew was too tired to go on (and even Astra was ready to admit she was tired), and then they climbed back into Andrew’s car and rode off into the night.

Astra’s ears were ringing with the sudden silence, and they were both flushed and dripping with sweat. Astra was ready to bet her face matched the red of her dress and her hair, and was ready to feel embarrassed about that somewhere beneath her exhaustion, when Andrew slid his hand over to hers and squeezed.

She looked over at him and smiled.

It was past 2 in the morning when they got back to Astra’s palace, and Astra couldn’t believe they’d spent so many hours getting swept away like that.

“I’d do that every night if I thought my hearing could survive it.” Astra admitted as they struggled to get up the stairs, feeling distinctly like they had overcooked pasta for legs.

Astra took an ice-cold bath and then rolled her legs out to try to avert any soreness the next morning, and then she found Andrew in one of the guest bedrooms. “Thanks for the dancing… sorry we didn’t meet any strangers.” she grinned.

“I’m not.” he admitted, with complete candor.

“Well then, no future queen for you and no non-childhood friend to date for me.”

“Perhaps you could find a childhood enemy?” he suggested, and she laughed at the dryness of voice as he made the joke.

“Yes, I’ll have to make do.” she agreed.

***

The kisses felt stolen for the first week, like they were getting away with something they weren’t supposed to, but then one day Andrew showed up with Astra’s favorite breakfast, and two paper travel cups of tea, and he pecked her on the lips in greeting and it didn’t feel stolen at all. It felt as comfortable as an old sweater, and made her feel just as warm inside.

To celebrate the end of her first month in London, Astra ordered dinner for them from the same restaurant they’d eaten at on her very first night in town. He showed up looking frazzled after a long day of talking with members of parliament, but all the more pleased to see her because that stress was over now. And, of course, he brought her the same kind of wine they’d shared that first night.

Astra had bought a corkscrew weeks ago now, so they didn’t need to resort to using ancient swords to open their alcohol, which made it slightly less interesting. Astra curled up against him on the balcony overlooking the city and kissed him every chance she got.

“You’re certainly in a mood.” he noted with a smile down at her, after their fourth surprise kiss.

“I’m just glad to be here.”

“Are you?” he seemed surprised. She didn’t blame him. It was quite a turn from her first weepy night a month ago.

“Yes. I think London’s been good for me.”

And maybe she meant the city, with her new favorite local spots and the friends she was making at the seminar, but maybe she meant Andrew. Maybe she couldn’t really tell the difference, and it was all just good for her.

“I am very glad to hear that.”

“I wish I didn’t have to go to Waverly in two months.” Astra admitted. “It’s an amazing opportunity for my career, not to mention I’ll get to visit my grandparents in Carolina all the time, but… I like London.”

This time she was blatantly talking about him.

“Well… London’s not going anywhere anytime soon, I suppose.” he pointed out, fully onto her game.

She hmm-ed into her wineglass, “I suppose not.”

“And you’re always welcome in London, you know.”

Astra giggled and shook her head, surprising him with another kiss as a reward for playing along with her silly euphemism.

Later that night, when the food was stashed away in the kitchen and the wine was mostly empty, Andrew joined Astra again on the balcony as she stood there with the springtime breeze blowing through her loose, curly hair. He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

“I meant it, you know.” he said. “You could stay as long as you like. There’s a tremendous ballet company in London, perhaps you’ve heard of it.”

Astra laughed, pressing a hand to his over her stomach and turning to look up at him. “Maybe someday.”

“You’re dead-set on going to Waverly, then?”

“Well, I’ve signed a contract.” she explained.

“Ah. They shall imprison you if you break it. I understand.”

His voice was always so serious when he joked, never giving away the game. She laughed at the thought and said, “Yes, there’s a special prison for ballet dancers who break their contracts, it’s especially brutal. I hear they make you dance to jazz all day.”

This time his lips brushed the placed where her shoulders met her neck, and her breath hitched at the sensation. “I shan’t extradite you.” he concluded, his warm lips brushing her skin. “I shall keep you here, safe and sound, far away from the ballet constables.”

Astra laced her fingers with his over her stomach and said, “They’re relentless, the ballet constables. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”

His lips trailed up her neck and stopped at her ear where he said softly, “I think I can manage.”

Astra’s entire body erupted in chills, and suddenly she didn’t want to continue their elaborate, jokey banter about the consequences of her actions. She turned in his arms and pressed her lips roughly to his, knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that all she really wanted was to lose herself in the taste and the feel and the smell of him. Andrew was the only person in the world who made her not care about the future, and when his lips were on her skin that was doubly true.

It wasn’t exactly real happiness she felt when she was lying in bed with him, his sandy brown hair all ruffled, his arm slung across her like he was afraid she’d disappear in the night. True, meaningful, lasting happiness was something that required a lot of factors: feeling good about the present and hopeful about the future, and at peace with the past. Astra wasn’t at peace with her past, and she didn’t even want to think about the future, but the present… the present was so good. It was one out of three. One out of three wasn’t bad.

***

If Andrew’s parents noticed that he was essentially living with Astra that spring, they didn’t say anything about it. Maybe they just assumed that, since they were close friends, he was keeping her company and enjoying a nice, extended visit. And that was perfectly true, except that they were sharing a bed and occasionally a shower, and they shared a cup of coffee in the morning and a bottle of wine at night.

They didn’t go back to that club, but they found other ways to go out together without being photographed. There were secret tables in the kitchens of restaurants, special royal boxes in theaters, private trains to private estates, and one time there was a royal yacht. Astra was surprised that Andy had so much freedom, as the heir to the throne. Addy couldn’t have dreamed of roaming around Illéa the way that Andrew was gallivanting across his future kingdom. Sure, part of it was Andrew making sure Astra was having the time of her life— he probably didn’t usually venture away from home so much— but even so.

“Will you be able to keep this up once you’re king?” she’d asked him as they sat curled up together on a train ride returning from the south. “All this rambling.” she explained at his questioning look.

“Ah. No, there will certainly be less. But my job will be nothing nearly so intense as King Maxon’s, if that is what you’re thinking. For one thing, I’ve got parliament.”

Astra wasn't exactly sure how England’s parliament worked. She knew King Eoan set the legislative agenda, but he couldn’t pass any kind of law on his own. “I can’t believe they let you have a whole train to yourself, and you barely have to work.” she teased.

His arm was wrapped around her shoulders, and his thumb began tracing her upper arm as he said, “If you think my future job’s a scandal, you should see what our queen has to do. Host parties, go shopping, appear at events…” his voice sounded as if it was a strain to remain light and carefree. As if his words were more important than he wanted them to be.

Astra leaned her head on his shoulder. Those were all things she already did for Illéa. Well, she didn’t host many parties, but she sometimes helped her Aunt Ames out when things were especially overwhelming. It was strange to think that she had experience doing the same job as the Queen of England.

“All that, and she gets to retire young?”

“Assuming that whole heir business is sorted out sufficiently early.” he admitted.

“Oh, that.” Astra giggled.

“On the whole, it’s not a terrible job.” he said.

“No, not when you factor in the jewelry.” Astra agreed, still joking.

“Precisely.” Andrew nodded with a small smile against the top of her head.

Astra wasn’t sure why he didn’t return her joke with one of his own.

***

Though Astra very much enjoyed being swept off her feet by the prince, it was the quiet nights at the palace that meant the most to her. Sometimes, after dinner and a long, hot bath, her joints would feel well enough to practice some choreography in one of the drawing rooms. Andrew would play the piano for her, putting years of lessons to use for the first time. Sometimes her joints would not feel well enough for more dancing after a long day at the seminar, and he’d rub her battered feet and ankles until she melted into a puddle at the other end of the sofa or bed, or wherever they happened to be.

She’d ask him about his work, but he wouldn’t tell her much. Maybe he was worried about protecting state secrets, or maybe he didn’t want to worry her. Maybe he didn’t want her to see him in less than a good mood, because he was only there to make her happy. And how could she not be happy?

One night, in the middle of her second month in England, as she laid awake in their bed and brushed her fingers through his unruly hair (a sight so few had ever seen: the Heir to England with unruly hair), she pressed a kiss to the shell of his ear and said softly, “What are we going to do when I have to leave for Waverly?”

Sleepily, he’d pried his eyes open, his eyelashes fluttering against her skin. “What would you like to do?”

“Freeze this moment in amber. Live in it forever.”

“Be young, in love, and carefree forever?” he’d smirked.

“In love?” she’d hesitated, surprised. They’d only been attached at the lips for six weeks now, as impossible as it seemed. Hadn’t they enjoyed half a lifetime together already?

“Oh dear.” He’d lifted his head up so that he could look in her eyes, “I shouldn’t have said that.”

Astra shook her head, “It’s okay. I do love you Andrew.”

“Do you?” he sounded amazed.

And she did. She’d always loved him, just as he’d always loved her. They’d grown up together, perfect friends, how could she not love him?

“I’m sorry you didn’t know that already.” she let her hand fall from his hair down his spine, coming to rest on his bare lower back. She traced the shape of a heart there with her finger and he shuddered. “You’re one of the best friends I’ll ever have, and I love you.”

He smiled and returned his cheek to her chest, listening for her heartbeat. “Yes. This moment would do just fine.”

“We could freeze this moment and allow archaeologists to discover it in a few thousand years.”

“And if we don’t like the future, we could simply freeze this moment again.” he agreed.

“You don’t think you’d be bored after a few thousand years?”

He grinned, one hand tracing her ribcage lazily, “I could find a few ways to keep myself occupied.”

***

Astra didn’t notice the first time there was a photographer waiting outside of the dance studio after her rehearsals. And then, a couple of days later, when a rumor sourced to a local food delivery driver was printed in a Sunday paper saying that he delivered Prince Andrew’s favorite kind of curry to the Palace where Astra was staying a couple of times per week. She didn’t mind when Andrew suggested they stop sneaking out to exclusive clubs or restaurants around the city, because staying in was extremely entertaining.

But it was hard to miss when Andrew nervously appeared in her doorway one evening and said, instead of ‘hello’ or ‘how was your day’, “Grandmother has asked to meet you.”

Astra gaped. Queen Cerridwen, King Eoan’s mother, had never met any of the Illéan royals in-person. Maybe she’d met Uncle Maxon back before he was King, when she was still the active queen, but maybe not even then. “Me? Wh…why?”

Andrew ran a hand through his hair and ruffled it in a way that would have been funny if he hadn’t look so stressed. He sank to his knees to sit next to Astra, who’d been sitting on the floor, using the coffee table to hold her nail polish bottles as she painted her toes. “The rumors got to her.”

“Rumors… about us?”

Andrew nodded, “I’ve had the press department squashing everything the second they hear about it, and it’s bought us some time, but the rumors have been consistent for long enough now—“

“The rumors that we’re spending time together?” Astra asked.

“Yes.” Andrew looked faintly nauseous.

Astra smiled and traced his cheekbone with her thumb soothingly, “We are spending time together. We’re not being falsely accused.”

“No, I know… I think, just… I think we need to talk.”

Those were heavy words.

Kile had been the last one to say those words to her, and the outcome had been really unpleasant.

“You didn’t bring wine?” Astra noticed for the first time.

“I wanted us to keep our heads clear.”

“Are you ending this?” Astra asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“No.” Andrew promised. “But we’ve never talked about what this is before. I’ve been able to buy us a little slice of time to ourselves, but I’ve reached the end of my tricks.”

Astra looked into his eyes carefully, noticing the strain there for the first time, “You never said you had to use tricks…”

“I didn’t want you to have to worry about it. I wanted to be… uncomplicated. Simple. After everything you’ve been through, I thought that you needed simplicity.”

“I did.” she admitted, chest suddenly aching at the thought that the simple times might be gone.

He brushed an errant curl behind her ear and smiled bracingly, “I am not here to tell you that the world is ending. Merely that people have found us out. They’re asking questions that I do not have the answers to, and in lieu of my answers, they are coming to their own conclusions. Grandmother amongst the rest.”

“She wants to meet me because she knows we’ve been dating?”

Andrew huffed a breath, “It’s her way of forcing the matter at hand. When it comes to me, to dating the English Heir, there is dating and there is Dating. Courting. Something official, not just between you and I, but between us and all of England.”

Astra looked a little creeped out at the thought, “They… want in on our dates?”

Andrew rubbed his brow, “In a manner of speaking… there comes a point when I’m meant to introduce anyone I am seeing to the people of England as a potential future queen.”

“Why? It’s not like they get to vote on who stays in your bed, or in our case, my bed.”

“No, but it’s…” he seemed so uncomfortable at having to explain this to her. Probably any English girl he dated would have seen this coming a mile away and known what to expect. Astra blushed a little, feeling inadequate for the first time all spring. “It’s a bit like a small Selection, perhaps. They get to know the person their prince is dating and they get to watch me court their future queen.”

“Oh, and your gramma wants you to do that with me?” What a relief to know she was just a confused old woman who’d misunderstood.

“Precisely. Meeting Grandmother at her estate in Scotland would signal the official start to our official courtship.”

Astra felt all the tension leave her body and she smirked at him, “Your gramma is proposing marriage to me on your behalf.”

“Basically.”

“What’s she in such a hurry for? We’re teenagers.”

Andrew let out an exasperated sigh, relieved now that he could see Astra wasn’t panicking and throwing everything she owned into a bag to haul back to Illéa on the first flight out the next morning. “I don’t know. You’re a good match, obviously. My father is close with your uncle, but it would be smart to solidify that alliance with some kind of marriage.”

“Very sexy and romantic.” Astra giggled.

“Isn’t it just?” he agreed wryly. He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath, “I suppose she’s worried because I’ll be king in a few more years. She doesn’t want me to have to go through that enormous transition of responsibility by myself. I suppose finding a queen would be much harder as king than as prince, too. Father’s even asked me if I want to take a few months next year and devote myself to dating full time before he begins handing off responsibilities to me in earnest. As part of a formal ascension plan.”

“What a conversation.”

“You can’t begin to imagine.”

Astra collapsed into giggles, doing her best to imagine it anyway. King Eoan asking his son if he wanted to be a full-time, 40-hours-per-week dater as part of his obligations to the crown.

“It’s good you think this is funny.” he sulked, but he only partially meant it. He was genuinely glad she was laughing instead of crying.

Fairly certain her toes were dry now, Astra stood and screwed the caps on her polish, stashing the bottles in a drawer next to her vanity. She stretched, fingers reached for the ceiling, going up on her toes, and as she came down she whisked her loose t-shirt over her head.

“Astra.” Andrew cleared his throat, forcing his eyes away from her lacy, pale blue and white bra, “Clear heads, remember?”

“I’m just getting comfortable.” she said in a voice that clearly told him she was not just getting comfortable.

He stood and she came over and loosened his tie for him. He placed a hand over hers when she made for his shirt’s buttons and said, “Do you want this to last past April?”

Astra gulped, “I wish April was forever.”

He stared at her, the only flicker of doubt coming from the small twitch of his eyebrow. “That’s not the same thing.”

“… I know.”

“You don’t have to answer me tonight, but we should talk about it. If we keep going past April, I suspect it will make the most sense for you… for you to meet grandmother.”

This time, when Astra continued with his buttons, it was a genuine effort to help him get comfortable, and not a ploy to see his bare chest. Seeing his bare chest was an undeniable bonus, though. She linked her fingers with his and dragged him towards her bed, and then she flopped down on her back and stared up at the top of her four poster canopy. “So what would happen after I met your grandmother?”

“You’d get some secret service protection.” Andrew laid on his stomach and used his finger to draw doodles on the smooth, soft skin above her navel. His breath felt warm as it puffed against her ribs, but her skin erupted in goosebumps anyway, and he pressed a chaste kiss to them. He knew the effect he had on her, and it only made him want to cherish her more.

“I’d go back to Illéa, though. To Waverly.”

“Yes. We’d coordinate that. It would probably be a less hectic place for you than in England.”

“You think England will be hectic if you announce we’re officially dating?”

Andrew huffed one dry, humorless laugh. “When they find out I’m thinking of making you their princess… sweetheart, it’s going to be a nightmare of a circus.”

“Terrifying clowns?”

“The most terrifying.” he agreed.

Astra sighed, “Then what? How long would we get to date before they’d expect you to decide whether you want to marry me or not?”

“Given the time you’d be spending in Illéa, we could get a year.”

“A year.” Astra liked the sound of that. Sure, she’d dance until her contract was up in Waverly, but then she’d come back and get to do this with Andrew for months and months. His dad might even let him date her full-time. Morning, noon, and night cuddles.

“Yes, and then…”

“And then a fairytale proposal. Would it have to be public?”

“Gosh, no.” Andrew promised. “But it would need to have a good story behind it. Take you somewhere meaningful—“

“Like the club where we first kissed.” Astra teased, running her hands through his hair.

“No, not at all.” he chuckled.

“And would I get to wear one of the crown jewels or something?”

Andrew lifted his head to look at her. “Would you want one?”

Astra laughed. It was all so completely silly. She was an eighteen year old girl! A boy was offering her a crown jewel! She laughed some more.

“Our engagement would be six months, eight at most.” he said. “That’s going to be the hardest time for you. You won’t be royal yet, but you’ll have all the expectations. Of course, you’d have everything you’d need from us. Security, education, an allowance for your clothes.”

“Mmm, clothes.”

“And then—“

“A royal wedding?”

“Yes.”

“And a royal honeymoon?”

“Of course.” he pressed another kiss to her skin, this one not so chaste.

“And then I’m your princess?”

“Until we take our oaths to become king and queen.”

“You really think I could be queen?”

“You think you couldn’t?”

“I know how hard it is on my Aunt Ames. It’s not really the life I saw for myself.”

“It’s different in England, you know. We’re smaller than most Illéan provinces, and we’ve got parliament.”

She couldn’t continue to fantasize about marrying him without understanding what he meant when he said that. “Andy, how does parliament help you?”

“Eh… help is not the word.” Andrew admitted. “It’s more that they take certain responsibilities off the monarch’s plate. Whether they do so in a manner that helps is an entirely different question. But unlike Queen America, who assists on many matters of policy and diplomacy, my mother’s job is almost entirely ceremonial, supporting my father’s efforts.”

“So do you think I could dance if we were married?”

Andrew fell quiet, wracking his brain for a way. “Not once we were engaged… I just can’t imagine that you would have time. And you’d quickly become one of the most famous women in the world… not that you’re anonymous now, just that we’re talking about a whole different stratosphere of public interest… even if we found time for you to dance in the royal ballet, it might not be safe.”

Astra hated that answer, but it made perfect sense to her. Addy had never regularly commuted into the city for any reason. Keeping her safe during recurring, publicly open performances would have been a nightmare, and Astra supposed that would be true for her too.

Astra also knew she wasn’t going to dance forever. She probably had a good ten or twelve years before retirement, and that was only if she avoided any major injuries. In Astra’s experience, injuries and pregnancies were two of the most common reasons dancers retired younger than thirty and they were both to be avoided.

“How long do you think we could put all of this off? I don’t want to stop dancing.”

“I know. I want you to dance! You’re bloody magnificent when you dance.”

“Just when I dance?” she teased suggestively.

“Other times too.” he smirked up at her. He let his face fall gently on her stomach, breathing in the smell of her body wash and then lifting his head again, “I could tell Grandmother we’re not yet ready. You could go to Waverly and come back for visits now and again.”

“Sounds like I’d miss you.”

“I’d miss you too.”

“Sounds better to me, though.”

“I suppose it must. The people mightn’t be fooled, they’ll still expect something is happening between us.”

“They’d be right.”

“But Astra… No matter what, I’ll be King four years from now. There’s no delaying that. ”

“That’s a long time, Andy.”

“I can’t… you must understand, I’d need to know for certain by then.”

“Of course!”

“Ideally… Ideally I would be married by then so that we could share the coronation ceremony.”

“So we could have a wedding earlier that fall? You’d propose that spring? That gives us a few years. That gives me time to dance.”

“But would it be enough?”

“Three years is forever, Andy.” Astra grinned down at him.

“And you’d really consider being my queen?”

“I’d consider a lot of things for blue eyes like yours.”

“They are an important part of the benefits package.” he agreed, placing an arm on either side of her and bringing himself up so that they were eye to eye. “Along with lots of travel to exotic locations. The finest champagne money can buy. Famous designers tripping over themselves to clothe you. A handful of palaces. Lots of diamonds.” he punctuated each of these offers with a deep, heated kiss and by the end Astra was absolutely dizzy and in no state to negotiate her future job benefits.

***

By the end of the week it was not just one photographer waiting outside of the ballet studio anymore, there were dozens. They were aggressive and pushy, yelling her name and constantly demanding she tell them if she was seeing Andrew. Her Illéan security detail was not pleased. The theater that housed the ballet was difficult to secure against so many persistent intruders, and there was serious discussion about whether they could even let her finish the seminar. They also discussed calling King Maxon and asking him for reinforcements, which made Astra’s stomach feel sick. She didn’t want her uncle to have to pay money and spare resources to send across the world to her all because of her love life.

It was a tense day and a half before Andrew was able to come through with security of his own to supplement her detail. It had been a tough thing to organize, given she wasn’t officially his girlfriend, but he’d found a way for her.

If Astra knew anything in those days, it was that he would always find a way for her. That had never been the problem.

There were reporters outside of Astra’s palace now, night and day, and they marked each time Andrew came or went. Instead of lounging together on the balcony overlooking the city, Astra and Andrew had to draw the curtains closed for the sake of their privacy.

“We should just tell them we’re not really dating.” Astra said. “I can’t outright lie to them.” Andrew insisted. “I can’t break trust with my people. I don’t have to confirm we’re together, but I can’t just tell them we’re not.”

“There’s got to be a way… tell them we have no intention of courting right now. That’s not a lie, is it?”

“It’s a bit transparent.” Andrew pointed out.

“Well, I’d love to hear your better idea!”

Andrew sighed into her hair. They were dancing to the music on the television, its glow the only light in her bedroom. “Maybe we break up. And I tell them we broke up.”

“You’re breaking up with me?” Astra suddenly sounded so small and vulnerable, he squeezed her tighter, “No! Not really. Not in that way. It’s just a way we can… buy you some more time before we have to fess up to anything.”

Astra didn’t want to fake-break up with Andrew. She wanted the entire world to leave them to their peace and quiet in their little palace of domestic bliss forever. What was so complicated about that?

Andrew had the idea of staying away one night to try to relieve some of the heat, but all it did was leave Astra pacing the floor alone, listening to the rumble of dozens of people camped out on the street in front of her palace all night.

Astra and Andrew were summoned by Queen Waverly the next day and sat down together on the sofa in her office.

Everything about it was embarrassing. Andy’s mother needed to know how long they had been romantic, how far their romance had gone, how serious they were about their future together, and why Andrew had turned down his grandmother’s invitation.

“Lovey, she wasn’t trying to force your hand.” Waverly told Andrew sympathetically. “What’s happening now out there… it’s going to get worse, the longer we let the media spin itself up into a frenzy.”

Astra said, “I only have a week and a half left, your Majesty—“

“Astra.” Waverly reproached the use of her title. “We’re having this discussion as family. Call me Aunt Waverly… if you’re marrying my son, call me Mum.”

Astra gulped, looking at Andrew, lost.

“We’ve only been together a few months, we don’t know—“ Andrew spoke up, until Waverly nodded and held up her hand to silence him.

“I understand entirely.” She turned her head to the side to study a giant portrait of one of Andy’s female ancestors. “Listen you two, I know that this is a complicated situation. The only thing that will help is being forthright with the people.”

“If Astra meets grandmother, the people will be demanding a proposal by Christmas.”

“Perhaps so.”

“We’re not ready for that.” Andrew was keeping a lid on his princely composure, but Astra could tell he felt hopelessly trapped by his mother and the palace and his people beyond its walls. He was ready to rattle the cages.

Waverly nodded, “Your father and I will do everything we possibly can for you, you know that. We only want your happiness. But things are getting very intense, very fast out there. That’s happening because you’re choosing not to do things the conventional way. You must understand that.”

Very intense, very fast. That was Astra’s whole relationship with Andrew in a nutshell.

“It’s just a week and a half.” Astra reiterated. “Then I’ll be back in Illéa and the press can calm down for a while.”

“The speculation won’t stop until it is addressed by us, and it might even turn ugly.” Waverly warned. “When you stop giving them fresh photograph opportunities every day at your ballet house, when there aren’t rumors flying about sightings of the two of you all over London—“

“Not true, by the way.” Andrew said.

“Some of them could be.” Astra reminded him.

“Only the very old ones. We’ve not been out in a fortnight.”

Astra nodded.

“My point is, in a vacuum of real news, someone will invent rumors to splash on their tabloids. It will be anything and everything. Abuse, affairs, pregnancy out of wedlock, Astra will be a gold digger who broke Andy’s heart one week, the next week Andy will be a womanizing fiend who took advantage of a childhood friend. Relations between England and Illéa will be on the brink—“

“They won’t!” Astra objected.

“Only in the magazines.” Waverly replied. “But we wouldn't want any hostile nations thinking the rumors were true and attempting to take advantage of the supposed rift. You see how this could spiral?”

The room fell to silence for the first time. Astra shivered just a little, “I feel like I’ve been tossed into a tornado.”

“It gets better." Waverly promised. “Once you’re proactive about telling your own story, it gets harder for the media to frenzy over half-credible unattributed rumors.”

Astra buried her face in her hands. She’d thought she’d have years before she had to tell the media a story about her relationship with Andrew. It felt wrong that the people of England were forcing an eighteen year old girl to move so quickly.

“I just need time.” Astra said into her hands.

“Right.” Waverly made up her mind and stood, “In that case, Eoan and I are inviting you to stay here with us for the rest of your visit, Astra. We’ll tell the media that we’re very much looking forward to spending time with you before the end of your trip.”

“No, wait…” Astra looked up, heartbroken that she was losing her private little palace. Would she even get to go back and say goodbye to it?

“This isn’t a punishment, sweetheart.” Waverly sighed and then tugged Astra up to standing, pulling her into a tight hug. “You’re not in trouble. Not one little bit. You’ll have more privacy here, behind our gates and with all of our guards. You’ll have one of our cars to drive you to and from the ballet, and Andy won’t be caught coming and going at all hours of the night because he already lives here… or he did before you came to town.” she said the last part teasingly to her oldest son, who had the temerity to blush at his shamelessness.

Astra felt her eyes sting with tears, “I love that palace… it’s been a good home for me.”

Waverly smiled sweetly, “You’ll be welcome to stay there the next time you come back. If you and Andrew announce an engagement, we’ll fully staff the place for you so that it’s safer. Perhaps you and Andrew could use it as your home for the time between your marriage and his assumption of the crown.”

“Really?” Andrew looked enticed by the offer.

“You’ll need to live somewhere, dear. You couldn’t live with your parents as newlyweds, it would be unbearable.” Waverly teased. “England would never get an heir that way.”

Heirs.

Hearing the queen say that word in this palace, next to the crown prince made it feel very real and very scary. Did Astra want her kids to be heirs? She thought again of Addy and Jamesy… she loved them more than anything in the world, but she couldn’t imagine raising her children for such an incredible responsibility.

Waverly continued softly, “The main thing is, we need to be very delicate here, my loves. When Andrew becomes king, he will become the head of the church. Please understand, I do not mind what you the two of you do or don’t do, so long as you are safe and consenting.”

“Mother.” Andy squirmed.

“But it would put Andrew in a difficult position, becoming head of the church, if he was seen to have a… well a marriage-style relationship with a woman who was not his wife for too long.”

“Yes, heaven forbid I have a healthy, long-term girlfriend.” Andy scowled.

“It’s the vows to God that are the issue at hand, not heaven, and you know it.” Waverly scolded his sass quietly, but efficiently.

“So we break up.” Astra concluded. “We officially break up when I go back to Illéa, and then when it’s time, I come back to England and we publicly reunite… you don’t have any church issues, and I have time to dance.”

Waverly looked between them quietly. “It might be the only option, short of scheduling dinner with your grandmother.”

Andrew looked almost as sad as if the breakup was real. Maybe he was scared it would become real once Astra was out of the whirlwind. She laced her fingers with his and squeezed, “We’ll figure this out.”

He squeezed back twice, gently.

***

That night Astra slept in Andrew’s bedroom for the first time in their entire affair.

“The maids are gonna know.”

“Everyone knows.” he snorted into her hair. “That’s why we’re here and not across town in our own palace.”

“Your parents are in the building.” she complained when his hands began wandering her body.

“Not close enough to hear anything.”

“Still… what if they have to walk by for a glass of water or something?”

“You want me to keep my hands to myself tonight?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Oh, so shall we see who can be quietest?” he brushed his fingers across her ribs and she quietly shrieked a giggle. “You are so bad at this, darling.”

“Oh yeah?” she got her revenge with vicious tickles, exploiting every sensitive spot she’d found on his body the last few months.

***

Living in the English palace was an easy adjustment for Astra. She'd grown up in Illéa Palace which, as the functioning capital building of one of the largest nations in the world, was larger and had a much bigger staff. The English palace was certainly ancient and stately, but Astra had grown up visiting the place, so at least she wasn’t too dazzled to see this for what it was.

There was no more delivery from local restaurants once those palace gates were closed, but the royal chef made sure that Andy and Astra had everything they wanted delivered to one of their rooms each night, so that wasn’t actually too much of a change. Not only that, but the maids were discrete and only came onto their floor when Andrew was at work and Astra was at the ballet for the day, so it was almost like their bedrooms magically tidied themselves up each day.

Really, the biggest change for Astra had been weeks before, when rumors had started flying and she and Andrew had stopped venturing out into London. Andrew still appeared in her doorway just in time for dinner, looking handsome and happy to see her. They still shared good meals and long baths, and a warm bed each night. But now the illusion that time didn't exist and that they could continue peacefully, blissfully existing in their little bubble forever was burst.

Since the royal palace hadn't released a statement about the gorgeous young foreign princess living in the same palace as their handsome young future king, salacious headlines were beginning to trickle from tabloids to increasingly reputable news sources. Astra and Andrew's private affair wasn’t so private anymore.

Some part of Astra had been hoping that the rumors would die down once she and Andrew had retreated into the palace, even though she knew better. But on her second-to-final rehearsal before her big seminar performance, photographers started camping out overnight at the stage door to the ballet, not just hounding Astra but harassing her fellow dancers, too. It was humiliating to think that these world-class performers, some of whom Astra had idolized for years, were getting manhandled on their way to and from work every day because of Astra’s love life. She wasn’t sure her reputation in the industry would ever recover from this. Who would want to work with her when her very presence could cause such a disruption?

She cried in the backseat of the car on her way back to the royal palace that day, but she had big sunglasses on, and at least no photographers caught her moment of weakness.

“I don’t want to be the girl who’s dating the future king. I want to be a damn good dancer.” Astra said that night, her cheek pressed to Andrew’s chest as he drew swirling designs on her bare back with his fingers.

“You are both.”

“You don’t understand… you literally can’t.”

“What?” Andrew wasn’t insulted, which was the great thing about him. He was always humble about his own limitations. “Why can I not understand?”

“Have you ever looked up to someone who was truly excellent at the very thing that you wanted to be truly excellent at?”

“Of course.”

“Who?”

“King Maxon.”

Astra rolled her eyes and lifted her head so he could see her at it. “You met him when you could still count your age on one hand.”

“So?”

“So most people never get to meet their idols, and if they do it’s because they’ve worked extremely hard to become very good at something. There are choreographers and dancers at this seminar that I’ve admired for a decade. And now my presence is turning their workplace, a place I consider to be sacred, into a hostile circus.”

Andrew frowned down at her and said softly, “Did I not promise you terrifying clowns?”

“I don’t want to bring chaos to every stage I cross.” Astra pouted.

Andrew nodded and said, “So we should announce our breakup immediately. I’ll release a statement tomorrow, and ask a friend of mine to appear in public with me tomorrow night… a woman. It won’t cure everything overnight, but it would surely alleviate some of the pressure.”

Astra stared into his eyes, then studied the line of his nose, the cut of his cheekbones, the curve of his jaw. “That’s a lot of trouble to go through just for me.”

“Astra, are you joking? You’re the one going through trouble for me.”

Astra nodded, but she dropped a kiss onto his lips anyway. “Okay, but the breakup is fake.” her lips danced over his.

His teeth gently teased her lower lip as he replied, “Yeah. I noticed.”

***

As warm and inviting as the arms holding her were, Astra had a difficult time staying asleep that night. She was nervous about returning to rehearsals the next morning, nervous about their final performance, now only a couple of days away, nervous about her new relationship with Andrew, and nervous about being nervous about her new relationship with Andrew.

At around four in the morning she slipped out of bed and tiptoed back to her suite, where she found a pitcher of water and a tray of snacks waiting for her. She spent so many hours of her day exercising that sometimes she woke up in the middle of the night ravenously, painfully hungry, so she’d requested that she be left some snacks just in case. She picked at a scone, lost in her anxieties, and her stress about not being able to sleep, until the telephone next to her bed rang so loudly and shrilly that it caused her to jump and splash some of her glass of water onto her night shirt.

“Hello?” Astra picked up the phone, hoping to hear an Illéan voice on the other end of the line. She hadn’t spoken to Addy in a few days, and it had been almost a week since her Aunt Ames or Uncle Maxon had phoned. She hadn’t spoken to her parents in longer than that, but they’d be arriving in London in less that twenty-four hours so that they could watch her final performance, so she wasn’t too desperate to speak to them.

And while the voice on the other line was Illéan, it definitely wasn’t one she had been expecting.

“Hey.”

Astra’s stomach clenched and her body flooded with adrenaline. She reminded herself to behave like a normal person and not like a lunatic when, as casually as she could, she replied, “Kile? Is that you?” like she didn’t know. Like she wouldn’t know his voice anywhere, anytime, under any circumstance. She knew his voice better than she knew her own.

“Sorry, I know it’s the middle of the night over there. …You don’t sound like you were sleeping, though.”

He would know.

Astra gulped hard, “I needed a snack.” It was a lie, but it was close enough to the truth.

“Hm. Is he there then?”

Astra felt defensive anger flare up in her chest, and only later realized that the anger was covering a sense of guilt. “So what if he is? You broke up with me—“

“Astra—“

“No, it’s okay. I’m not saying that in a mean way. I’m stating a fact. We are not together because you broke up with me, so why do you care if he’s here?”

There was a long pause and then a low groan on the other end of the phone. Astra heard a brush of fabric over his microphone, as if he’d been rubbing his face and his sleeve caught on the receiver.

“I want to know if he’s there, because I want to talk to you when you’re alone. It’s why I’m calling so late… or early, I guess.” Kile said.

Astra’s traitor heart beat faster. What did he want to talk to her about when she was alone? Was he going to apologize? Was he going to ask for her back?

It was too late, obviously. Astra had obviously moved on. Obviously. “He’s not here.”

Kile sounded relieved when he said, “Good.” and that annoyed Astra. He had no right to be relieved that she wasn’t in bed with another man. He’d hurt her in a way she’d never known she could hurt before.

She lashed out, “I didn’t want to wake him up with my snacking. But he’ll probably notice I’m gone soon, so you should hurry up and say what you want to say.”

The pained sound that snuck out of his throat with his next exhale was not as satisfying as Astra had hoped it would be. She regretted her words already. Maybe now he wouldn’t ask for her back… not that she wanted him to.

Kile said, “Let me ask you something…”

This was it. He was going to ask for forgiveness. He was going to ask her to come back to Illéa and be with him.

“What do you want more than anything in the world?” Kile said.

What was he expecting her to say? That she wanted him? She was dating the Crown Prince of England!

“Astra?”

“What do you mean, Kile?”

“What do you mean, what do I mean? For our whole lives you’ve always wanted one thing more than anything in the world. What is it?”

Oh. Astra replied almost mechanically, her voice barely above a mumble, “I want to be the Prima Ballerina for the Angeles Ballet for at least a season, maybe two.”

“And you wanted that enough that you didn’t even think about moving closer to my university, because it would have taken you away from the Angeles ballet. And not for a good reason, like that invitation you got to dance in Waverly. For no reason. For me.”

“You’re not no reason—“

“No, I’m just not a good enough reason.”

“Kile—“

“You can’t argue with that.”

“You said you wouldn’t promise to look for apprenticeships and internships in the cities where I was dancing. You said you don’t want to live in Angeles when you grow up!”

“I don’t. I’m going to go where I can do my best work.” he said plainly. “I still think you and I made a good choice to split up.”

Hearing him say that was hard. She wanted him to regret it. She wanted him to miss her like she had missed him before Andrew had swept her off her feet. Losing him had changed her and she would never be the same as she was before, and he wasn’t even sorry.

Kile continued, “I’m just saying… what was the point of drawing a line in the sand about you and me if you were just going to walk all over it for Andy?”

“What?”

“We both know that you’ll never be prima anything if you marry Andy. You told me yourself, every waking hour of a prima’s life is devoted to dancing or preparing to dance. There are no hobbies, no vacations, no date nights. There definitely isn't time to be somebody’s princess.”

“I’m already an Illéan Prin—“

“Cut the shit, Astra, you know what I mean.” Kile sounded exasperated, and she knew why. She was trying to miss his point, but he wasn’t exactly being subtle about it so dodging it was proving impossible.

“Maybe I want something else now. Maybe I want to marry Andrew.”

“Look… Andy’s not a bad guy—“ Kile admitted through gritted teeth, “But there will be plenty of not bad guys waiting for you after you retire. So if you pick him, do it because you want the life he’ll give you more than the life you can earn for yourself. And be ready to bury your dreams of being a prima ballerina forever, if you do. I know you, and I know you’re getting swept up in this—“

“Don’t talk about me like I’m some helpless little… little damsel, Kile.” Astra snapped.

“Think about it logistically. Do you want to move to the other side of the world from your parents and your little brothers? They’ll visit you as often as they can, but your visits to Illéa will always be to the Palace, to King Maxon and Addy. You won’t be able to go home again. Do you want to have to keep a royal schedule, planned months and years in advance? And you can forget being around from Addy once she becomes queen, you’ll be trapped on the far side of an ocean.”

“Kile—“ Astra tried to interrupt him because she wanted him to stop making sense.

“What about the little things? What about the weather? You’re an Angeles girl, are you going to miss the sun? You know they use different numbers for temperature over there, right? How’s it going to feel to wake up in the morning and have some maid tell you that it’s twenty-five degrees outside, so you’d better stay in the shade to keep cool?”

“Kile.” Astra laughed.

“I’m serious. You’re not just choosing a career here, Astra, you’re choosing a life: from the moment you wake up to the moment you fall asleep.” Kile paused and let out a tired sigh. “I just don’t want you to make a big mistake that you can’t undo. I know how badly you want to dance. You’re not ready for this, and even if you were, this wouldn’t be the right choice for you.”

“I’ve changed, Kile.” she wanted to add that he’d changed her. That losing him had made her someone new, someone she didn’t even know yet, but she kept that part to herself. Listening to his voice for so long that night… suddenly she found that she didn’t want to hurt him anymore.

“It’s barely been three months, Astra. You haven’t changed that much.” he promised.

Astra wasn’t sure. Sometimes change was gradual, sure, but sometimes change was all at once. Traumatic change was a sudden shattering of what came before, such that one could never go back again. That was what losing Kile had been like.

But did that mean she wanted to give up dancing and become Andrew’s princess? His queen? His wife and the mother of his heirs? Did she want to leave Illéa forever and eventually move into this palace?

She wanted all of that when she was wrapped up in Andrew’s arms.

But here, alone in the middle of the night when she had her wits about her…

She climbed back into bed and woke Andrew up with steady, gentle kisses. Everything about the love they made that morning was slow and desperate, and even though she hadn’t meant it to, in the end it felt like goodbye.

***

Astra was gone to her final rehearsals before dawn, but later that morning Andrew was true to his word and made a big announcement that he and Astra had both been secretly dating, and were now publicly broken up. He made a good show of wandering around London looking sad that day, and that night he went out to dinner with a fashion model friend, who did not mind the publicity one little bit.

There were still plenty of photographers salivating at the chance to photograph Astra looking dismal at having lost the chance to become an English princess, but at least they were leaving the rest of the dancers, and everyone else associated with the ballet, in peace.

Astra’s parents arrived at the royal palace in time for dinner that night, and Astra had a lot of explaining to do to them. King Eoan and Queen Waverly seemed to find Astra’s discomfort at explaining her affair with Andrew to her parents over roasted asparagus incredibly amusing, and possibly reminiscent of the beginning of their own relationship. It wasn’t fair, though. Andrew missed all the “fun”, making sure it looked like he was rebounding with that gorgeous model.

That night, Astra was too nervous about her impending final performance to wait up for Andrew to get back to the Palace. She could go to bed early or never at all. She drank some tea laced with a little bit of melatonin and fell asleep soon after dinner.

She woke up in Andrew’s arms, her cheek pressed to the side of his bare chest. She listened to him breathe deeply and evenly for a little while and tried one last time.

She could quit dancing.

She could leave Illéa forever.

She could raise her children to be heirs.

Her children could raise their children to be heirs.

When she died, her bones could be interred in a big old church.

Her whole life could be that easy.

God, it would be so easy.

“Andy?” she whispered.

He didn’t stir.

“Andrew?” she tried again, this time pulling away from him and sitting up in bed.

He didn’t hear her, but he reacted to the loss of her warmth, and eventually his heavy eyelids fluttered open. “Astra?”

“What time did you get in last night?”

“This morning.” He admitted, yawning widely. “I expect the tabloids will be plastered with headlines about their debaucherous future king today.”

“Was it any fun?”

“Yeah. Ellie’s great; she’s always happy to be photographed on my arm. Missed you, though.” he added, as if suddenly awake enough to worry that she was jealous.

She wasn’t the slightest bit jealous. Well, the slightest bit, but not for the reasons he would assume. Astra was jealous because Ellie could keep being photographed on Andrew’s arm for as long as she pleased, with no consequences.

“Maybe you should marry Ellie.” Astra suggested.

Andrew laughed, and it turned into a yawn. Then he explained, “Ellie’s too focused on her career right now. And anyway, she’d be far more interested in you.”

“Now that would be a tabloid headline.” Astra joked weakly.

“What’s the matter? Are you nervous for your performance? Is it because you’re leaving England this time tomorrow? Is it because you told your parents what’s been happening between us—“

“I’m not nervous.” Astra said, even though her stomach was in knots. Those weren’t nerves. That was grief. “Andy… I want to be a ballet dancer.”

Andrew sat up in bed now and rubbed the sleep from his eyes so he could focus on her. The words were familiar, but her tone was alarming. “Of course you do. You are a ballet dancer, and you’re bloody brilliant.”

“I want to be a prima ballerina.”

“Okay.”

“That sort of excellence takes years to achieve.”

“Good job you’ve been dancing since you were four years old, then.”

“Shh.” she pressed a finger to his lips so that he would stop talking back and listen to her. He complied. “I won’t be ready to be a prima for seven or eight years. I have a lot to learn. And when I’m ready, I want to be a Prima Ballerina for at least one season, maybe two. That’s every waking hour devoted to dance for two years straight. Then I want to live in Angeles and stay close to Addy in the first few years of her reign. I want to be there when she gets married and has babies, because she is great at putting on a brave face and absolutely terrible at processing the emotions that are scaring her into needing to be brave. She’s going to need me, and I’m excited to be there for her. I can’t live on a different continent than my dad. There can’t such a huge time difference between me and my mom. I can’t be a foreign queen. I don’t want to be foreign at all. Andrew… I can’t marry you.” Her cheeks were wet and her voice cracked, but she didn’t know when, in that little breathless tirade, she’d started crying.

Andrew stared blankly ahead, hugging his knees to his chest around their blanket. He didn’t look surprised. He’d known she was too good to be true all along. Finding his queen could never have been so easy, so perfect. He shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up.

“Andy, none of those reasons I gave have anything to do with you. I love you. You’re a good man, and a great partner, and you have no business being such a talented kisser when you’re so handsome. It’s overkill.” she waited for him to smile. She waited for him to do anything. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Andrew. I just can’t marry you. I’m eighteen years old, I just got control of my life. I’m not ready to sign it over to a monarchy. I would love to be your wife, Andy, but I would hate to be your queen.”

Andrew blinked hard, then looked over at her. His voice was too casual, his words were too easy when he said, “I understand entirely. I can wait.”

Astra furrowed her brow, trying to hold his far off gaze. “Wait? What do you mean, wait?”

“You want to be a prima ballerina, and you said it would take you nine or ten years to accomplish your goal. Fine. I will wait, and when you’re ready I’ll ask to marry you.”

“No, Andy—“

“I don’t mind ruling on my own for a while.”

“That’s more than a while! You’ll be king in four years—“

“It isn’t a problem.” he insisted.

“Did you hear the part about what I want to do after I retire? About living in Illéa, about staying close to my family?”

“Astra, once we’re married, you can do whatever you like.”

“But queens have responsibilities.”

“We can redefine the role to mean whatever you’d like it to mean. I don’t care. I love you, Astra, and you’re the best future queen I could ever hope for.”

Astra paused, blinking hard against the tears in her eyes. It hurt to hear him say that. It hurt to realize that he didn’t believe he deserved any better. “Andy, that’s not true. You deserve a wife who will stay by your side. You deserve a wife who adores you and would be willing to sacrifice her own ambitions to serve England. I’m not good enough to be your queen.”

“Then no one ever will be.”

“Andrew—“

“Let me wait for you, Astra, please.” His voice broke on that last work, his eyes finally meeting hers and betraying his anguish. “Let me hope. It’s all that I have left.”

Astra couldn’t figure out what would be crueler, to let him hope when she’d made up her mind, or to take that hopeless hope away from him.

So she wrapped him up in her arms and they laid down. She combed her fingers through his hair and he brushed his thumb against her ribs until her alarm clock rang and her last day in London began.

***

In retrospect, Astra should have chosen a happy, upbeat, peppy song for her exhibition. She could have flounced all over the stage and spun a ridiculous number of times on her toes, and allowed her partner to toss her all over the place with an enormous smile on her face.

Instead, she’d chosen an exhibition from a ballet about a woman mourning her dead lover, dancing with his ghost. She’d been thinking of Kile when she’d chosen it, hoping it would help her work out her feelings about their doomed childhood romance. Now she was about to take the stage of the royal ballet, with Andrew and his parents in the royal box, watching her close enough that she could see the pained look on Andrew’s face as clear as anything.

Astra and her dance partner, Geoffrey, took their place while the stage was lit in nothing but the darkest of blue lights. He laid down across on their only set piece, an enormous fake rock, and Astra settled over him in a dramatic pose of despair, arm flung over her forehead.

The first part of the dance was hers alone. Her grief, her agony, her desperation. None of it was fake. When Geoffrey arose, as a ghost, and began dancing with her, the bittersweet mixture of joy and sorrow was easy to tap into. Nothing brought her more joy than dancing, and nothing brought her more sorrow in that moment than Andrew watching her live the life she’d chosen over him.

When Geoffrey faded back into the fog upstage and left Astra alone again in the center of the stage, all the passion and desperation fled with him. The rest of the dance was small and slow, painfully precise movements timed with the orchestra just so that if she made the slightest misstep, it would be immediately, embarrassingly obvious.

But Astra did not have to fake the exhaustion and resignation her character was feeling. If she allowed herself to second guess her decision to break away from Andrew now, she’d second guess it forever. The roar of the audience as the last tremulous notes from the string section died away seemed to make a deafening contrast.

Astra was surprised to find tears had started pouring down her cheeks somewhere during that performance. Geoffrey returned and took her hand, and they bowed. As was customary for this exhibition, several members of the audience threw flowers onto the stage. From the third row, Astra’s dad threw a whole bouquet, and a little teddy bear. Astra laughed as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. Then she turned to the royal box to curtsey, perfectly observing royal protocol, and was startled to find that Andrew had been crying, too.

He tossed her a single white rose with a beautiful red satin ribbon tied around the stem, but the look on his face was resignation. He could love her with all of his heart for all of his life and still never be able to give her the kind of affirmation she got from a packed theater full of an adoring audience. He’d seen her dance dozens of times in her room at her little palace, and hell, he’d even danced with her himself. But seeing her like this in front of them…

He could wait until the oceans ran dry and the mountains fell flat, and every single star in the sky flickered into darkness… Astra was never coming back to him.

Astra spent that night with her parents, letting them gush over her and spoil her with presents, and help her pack up the life she’d made in London for the last few months. She hoped Andrew would come and say goodbye once her parents went back to the suite they were staying in, but he never appeared, and Astra didn’t chase him down because she thought he deserved to set the terms. That dance had been her goodbye to him. It was up to him whether he wanted to say goodbye in return.

The next morning, Queen Waverly was the only one in the entrance hall waiting to see the Orders family off as they left. The English Royal jet would take them as far as Carolina, where they would visit James’ family for a little while.

Astra imagined Andrew’s private car speeding out onto the tarmac to stop them. She imagined him dashing from the backseat and waving his arms to alert the pilots that they couldn’t leave until he’d said his farewells.

He didn’t come. It was easier this way.

Kenna and James stayed with Astra’s grandparents for a few days, but James had to go back to work and Kenna needed to get back to the Palace. Aunt Ames had five children, two of them under the age of six, and though they had plenty of help in that Palace, Kenna was their primary nanny, their aunt, and she missed them like crazy.

Astra stayed with her grandparents for a couple of weeks, until her contract at the Waverly Ballet began. The media frenzy around her got much better in that time, though it was impossible not to notice that things were staying hectic around Andrew as the English tabloids seemed to catch on to how severely he’d had his heart broken.

Astra wished she could take some of that public shame away.

She wished she could take some of his pain away, even as she was mending her own broken heart. Her weeks in Carolina were good for that purpose. Her grandparents spoiled her rotten, and she gave her body a much-needed break from dancing. Instead, she spent her days learning needlepoint from her grandmother, and her nights stargazing out by the pond where her parents used to sneak off on dates before Gramma Magda gave up trying to convince Kenna to marry someone from a higher caste.

When Astra packed her bags to take the short flight up to Waverly to begin yet another new life with another new ballet company, she was still wearing the beautiful red ribbon that Andrew gave her as a parting gift on that rose, tied around her wrist.

And when, years later, she sat on her sofa and watched him become King of England in front of the entire world, her fingers traced that now slightly frayed red ribbon, Andy’s last gift to her, in a familiar, much-practiced gesture.

It would have been so easy to say yes, to give in to the pressure and let herself get swept away by the English people, the royal traditions, the prince’s staggering blue eyes. It would have been a good life, too. A perfectly fine marriage.

But Astra didn’t want to be queen, and now she wouldn’t have to be, and the freedom she felt watching Andrew bear the weight of that crown was all the reminder she needed: she made the right decision. And now, despite the dull ache of longing in her chest for he boy she’d loved and left behind, she was happy. Truly happy. She was at peace with her past, content in her present, and excited for her future.

When the coronation coverage ended, Astra got ready to return to bed. She was surprised when her phone rang, but she knew exactly who it would be.

“Mom?” she said, before the person on the other line could say a word. Her little cousins would have had just enough time to be tucked back into bed by now, if Aunt May was helping. Kenna would have rushed to the phone as soon as she got the chance.

“Sweetie? How are you, little bug?”

“I’m fine, Mom, I don’t need the pet names.” Astra grinned, rolling her eyes.

“Are you sure?” Kenna double-checked.

“Yeah. I wish Andrew wasn’t alone up there. I still love him, I don’t want him to suffer. But I was nothing but relieved when they put that crown on his head and I didn’t have to put one on mine. I made the right choice.”

“I know you did, honey, but just because you did the right thing doesn’t mean you have to feel perfectly fine about it. Especially not on a night like this.”

“Honestly, Mom… my time in London feels like another life. One I’m nothing but grateful for, but not one I want to relive.”

At first, Astra’s spring with Andrew felt like it had never really happened, or like it had happened to someone else, or like it was all a fever dream: too hot, too heady, a surreal hallucination more than a fairytale fantasy. But now, with some time and space, Astra could see it for what it really was: a romantic affair with someone she could have chosen to marry, but who ultimately was not the right fit for her. On the one hand, Astra and Andrew loved each other, and their marriage would have been fine: they’d known each other forever and they each fully understood the challenges of the royal life they would have been embarking on together.

On the other hand, Astra had known what she wanted out of life since she was a very small girl. It was a hard thing to ask an eighteen year old to walk away from a guaranteed royal wedding for a chance to work very hard to one day, possibly, make her dream come true. If Astra hadn’t grown up in Illéa Palace, she might not have made the same choice. But everything she got out of her life from now on was truly hers, she was the captain of her own fate, and even if she failed and never became a prima ballerina, at least this way she’d have had the chance.

“But Mom?”

“Hm?”

“Don’t ever tell Gramma Magda that Andrew proposed to me and I turned him down. I think she would disown me.”

#challenge #Astra and Andrew Challenge #RIP your dashes if the Keep Reading doesn't work #its almost 16000 words long #one for every tear I cried breaking Andrew's heart

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fuckyeahderpcrew · 4 years ago

Text

Important update regarding Galm (April 20th, 2021)

Hello, everyone. This is going to be a long post, so a lot of it will go under a keep reading.

It will include some links and a long, long, long transcript.

TL;DR John has addressed what's happened with Galm; Galm has messaged people and said some things troubling nature.

There may be some content you might not feel comfortable reading, so please be careful.

I'll put the keep reading right here, so please take the time to read this when you're able to. It's all very important. And please remember that with everything going on right now, we can only support the derp crew to the best of our ability by respecting their decisions and wishes.

Oriana_gray's post: Reddit (x) Her Twitter thread (x) cw for sexual harrassment

John's address: ( Twitch highlight here )

Transcript link: (on Reddit)

Read Transcript Below:

( URL - https://www.twitch.tv/videos/994753439 )

TL;DR John has addressed that Galm is not in a healthy mental state, and that things he has done during this time are inexcusable. Nonetheless, he hopes that Galm gets the help they need. At the time being, neither him, nor the derps, nor any of us can do anything to help him. This topic is no longer to be discussed in chat.

"So, we're gonna...before I, uh, get onto the actual stream, there was one thing I didn't really wanna talk about and, uh, it may be the reason why there are in fact like 5...6 mods in here, uh, just because this- it's something that we needed to like- we need to...sit down and talk about. Uh, just because, um, you know...it's- it's kind of necessary, it's kind of important and um...I've been thinking about it for at least a week now. Uh, so, before we get into it, just fair warning- I got all the mods here, all the mods who are hanging out. Uh, if you see something that like needs to get shut down, please do me a favor and shut it down. Uh, yes we’re having a serious sit down talk. [laughs softly] It is me, your father, we’re gonna have a talk. I...am fucking old- that’s not what we’re talking about. But, um… [laughs softly again]. Yeah, my point is, we’re gonna- we- I- this is serious- this is some serious time we need to have...um… Let me fix this really quick before we… [adjusts camera] I’m pushing- I’m delaying the inevitable, I’m sorry. But, yeah...More or less, um...so…

“Like I said- sorry. So, mods, you know what to do. Anyway… Let’s [claps hands] Let’s break it down really quick. I’m gonna try not to make this so in-depth because one, it’s not my place to, uh, divulge any information further on than what is out there. Uh, if- fuck, I’m dropping stuff on my desk, hold on. Um- this isn’t me delaying it, I promise you. Um- but yeah it is not my place to necessarily speak about a lot of the events that have happened, and… it isn’t my- I’m not going to be the one to do that. Uh, whoever wishes to talk about it and whoever wishes to tell their side of the story...I am obviously gonna listen. I’m gonna be open to it, and I’m gonna hear it out, but I need to start this off of course. And I’m not looking at the camera because this is gonna be- this is gonna be hard for me to do so I just gotta keep rolling through it. I’ve been trying to think about how I’m going to speak about this. I think if I just shoot from the hip and get it over with that’s the best way we’re gonna get through this.

“Um, so it is no secret that our friend Galm is very mentally unwell. And…[sighs] it’s- it’s one of those things where a lot of information has come out publicly- um- in the time in which his mental state has gotten worse. Um...the only thing I can say is I- it is no longer in our hands. And I say that because his family has gotten involved, so from this point forward, there is nothing we can really do about that. And that’s something I wanna stress like off the bat. I’ve spent a long time talking with my therapist over this stuff since everything has started. And...I find that I am a person who tends to internalize a lot of- a lot of things, so...uh, for me, I have been making Galm’s mental health my problem and making it my mental health, and um, because of that my anxiety has drastically spike to a point in which, uh, for those who remember a couple months ago I took a two month break off because I was having really bad anxiety attacks. And I’m not trying to make this about me. I promise I’m not trying to, I’m just trying to convey- like I- was like- it’s- things have been on that level again and I don’t want them to be. I can’t do that again. Um, but my point- I wanna get back to what I’m saying- ‘cause again I don’t want this to be taken out of context. I don’t want anything to be taken out of context and made to look like, uh, like a certain way. “Um, so, a lot of- of what has been going on. Uh...I’ve seen a lot of DM’s...I’ve seen a lot of text messages. Um, and to the people who’ve, uh, dealt with that, I know I’m not responsible for it but I am so sorry that you went through this shit that went down because it’s- it’s not okay. It’s absolutely not okay. Um...while Galm’s mental state is deteriorating, and while- I-I know for a fact based on dates, and based on times, a lot of what was sent out was during said, like, manic episodes, like those manic episodes where they were...con- they were consecutively tweeting minute after minute, constantly. Um, I know a lot of it was during that time, however, and I think that we can all agree here. Regardless of...your mental state and your mental health, um, none of that- none of what was sent to other people, none of what was texted to other people is absolutely not okay. It’s not okay for a person to um...send messages like they did- I’m trying to be as vague as possible. It’s not okay for...those conversations to be had in the way that they were had. Um...and, I personally can’t stand by it. That’s not something that I ever want to see happen in the...I don’t want to say “Derp Crew”...I’m not saying that. I’m gonna say, that’s not something I ever wanna see in general. I don’t wanna see anyone go through that ever again. Especially through um...especially due to someone who was so close to me for so long, and I’m not trying to say that- I’m not trying to say that, like… I’m not trying to be like- I’m not trying to be like “fuck Galm” you know what I mean? Like I’m not trying to do that, that’s not something I wanna do. But I just want to make a point to say what happened was not okay and we need to accept that. And we need to understand that that’s not something that never needs to happen again.

“But, on the flip side, we also need to understand that this was taking place- all of this was taking place during a deteriorative mental state, I think that’s the way to put it. Um… but again, on the flip side again, it’s still not okay, you know what I mean? Like it- it’s not. It’s not okay. Um...and, at this point, uh, th- it- I will be honest, like I’ve said, it has gotten much worse from the updates I’ve heard. I’m not going to divulge the information because again, it is not my business and- well it- [sighs] it’s not- it’s not my place to say, that’s what I’m trying to say, it’s not my place to say. Um...and unfortunately things are at a point with- I could- I could assume based on some of the things that Chilled has said, that Aphex has said, uh, that...I- I am also- I can also say that like...how do I...how do I put this…

“I understand that- that Galm...really, 100% needs help. I understand that wholeheartedly. The thing is, I can’t be the one to help anymore. Like, I can’t do it, because...my- how do I put this- uh, Galm’s mental health is not mine. It’s not Chilled’s. It’s not Ze’s. It’s not Tom’s. It’s not Aphex’s. It’s not any of you. It’s not- it’s none of our cross to bear, if that makes sense. None of us should be beholden to the burden of Galm’s mental health. It comes down to- and if I- just as an aside. If it sounds- I don’t know if I said “he” or “they”, I’m just trying to make sure it doesn’t- I’m going based on the Twitter profile of, um, uh… [snaps fingers] “she”, “her”, “they”, and then in parenthesis “‘he’ is sometimes okay”. But I’m trying to like- I- I have been really, like, I’m gonna be honest with you, I have been very, very, very careful. Because...I wanna make sure I’m trying to do this right, so, I’ve been trying to go with Galm and I think that- that’s where I’ve been with that all, because, as- as, I hate to say it, most of the stuff in that realm has come out of the blue. And I’m not gonna discredit that. I don’t want- I don’t want Galm to think I’m like discrediting, uh, their feelings, but like, I just- I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure in regards to how close the gap of these- the psychotic episodes and coming out- like, I wanna make sure he- uh- I wanna make sure that uh Galm is happy with who they are, and I’ve been trying to be very good with it. So...don’t mind me, I’m trying- I’m still trying, and it’s- I’m not trying to be an asshole or anything. I don’t wanna be. This is a serious talk and I’m just trying to make it understood.

“Anyway, so, getting back to it. A lot of this is- the things I’m saying is I’m processing a lot of this still. And this is like...this has been going on at least, for- since, February, all of this. And it’s now finally just coming to a hit, you know what I mean? And I hate to say it, but, like, what...like I said, this is...not my cross to bear. It’s none of our cross to bear. Um...I don’t even wanna call it like, the Derp Crew, I’m just saying in general. Like, none of this is for us to hold the burden of, because at the end of the day, um… Galm has unfortunately- and this is the only like, real, like, shit thing I’m gonna say about it is um… in- in the...things that Galm has said and done um...a lot of people were hurt. A lot of trust was- was broken, that I don’t know...if it can ever be...mended? I wanna hope, ‘cause I’m a person who hopes, that things will, uh, always be on the mend, as my Discord knows. I am something of a- a second chances guy. And I know I am to a fault, that I can be like that, but...um sorry I’m not- I’m not crying, my voice is just shot ‘cause I’ve been like screaming at work all day. [ wheeze-laughs ].

“Um, no, but...I personally- exactly- Jess-

[Addressing mod JessTries in chat who wrote “You always look for the best in people <3”]

“I try to look for the best in people and I’ve always tried to look for the best in people, even if, uh, those people have...have shit intentions, I guess is the way I can put it. But- not what I’m trying to say in this. My point is, um, yeah- a lot of- a lot of shit went down. A lot of shit went down and I don’t know how some of it can be recovered, but at this point… [laughs softly] At this point, my situation with Galm is… [sighs] My situation with Galm is that, like, they’ve- they’ve said to me we’re good, but it’s hard to be good when all of these messages are being shown, and people are coming out talking to you about how- okay- not talking to you, sorry, but, just talking about how, um, they were treated a certain way, and I don’t like that. I really don’t like that.

“So, my...my feeling is that, like, [sighs] I can’t really- I can’t really stand by Galm when all of this is going on. I can’t do it. I can...I can’t be of help to someone who- who wasn’t accepting it. And I can’t be...um, I can’t stand by someone who does things like that. Um, and, not to- I’m not trying to throw anyone under the bus, I’m not trying to throw Galm under the bus. That’s not...that’s not fair. Um...I honestly, if I could just, say to them I would, like, I- I feel like...like I don’t know...I don’t know what they can do...aside from getting help. That’s- that’s the main thing. Just...Galm needs help, and...I can’t be the one to provide it. Um...none of the group- none of the people in the group can provide it. None of you can provide it. Um...and, it’s a matter of owning up to what was said and done to a lot of people. And...what went down, obviously, if you know you know, um…

“But, like it’s just not fair to put you’re- you’re mental health...on- on...on your friends like that...so, I’m sorry I’m like coming down all of a sudden, I’m realizing like oh shit… [laughs softly] Um… but yeah, so like… [sighs] i-it’s hard, man. Like, it’s really fucking hard to do this, ‘cause you wanna- you wanna try and be honest, but like you wanna respect everyone’s privacy, and you wanna show like, hey, this is how it is. But, to everyone out there who dealt with this, and to everyone out there who had their- their problems...I’m gonna support you guys. I’m gonna be there for you, um… [rubs chin] I’m also gonna support my friends, but at the same time, I can’t support any of what happened. I’m not gonna stand by it, and, I- the only thing I can say, and I think the only thing that like everyone needs to say is like, you [Galm] need to get help. You need help. 100% you need help and like...I hope you get it. I really do hope you get it. And I hope things are...I hope things are on the mend for you. And I hope you can figure it out. Um… [clicks tongue]

“Okay, I think...I think I’m done. I’ve been just- this whole thing, this whole talk...I’m just- I’m just being honest with you guys. This is my way of processing my thoughts, and this is my way of getting past a topic. This is my way of getting past something of a chapter in my life, because this is...unfortunate. All of this is unfortunate that it had to go this way, and I was gonna say something earlier, it’s just- I felt as if when I try to come up with the right words, it was gonna turn...the wrong way. I really did. And like, I don’t want- I want it to be right. I feel like this is the right way, and um… [laughs softly] Don’t get me wrong...it’s- it’s taking a bit, and every time I try to… every time I’ve tried, something happens, and I don’t want- I don’t want- just right place right time I think is the way that it needs to be.

“Okay, so, we’re done. We’re done. From this point on, mods, you can- you can probably set up an automod or something like this, but mods, from this- and chat- from this point on, this- this topic? This conversation is over. Um...we’re done. We’re done talking about this. "

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xavadak3davrax · 4 years ago

Text

So Close Yet So Far / Fred Weasley

Prince! Fred Part 2 – So close yet so far

Warnings: mentions of some sexual content but nothing happens.

Summary: Fred can’t stop thinking about you so he takes matters into his own hands. And then he makes and an irrational decision that he needs to see you more.

Taglist: @manuosorioh @itsbebeyyy

Hey guys. So here is part 2 of prince Fred. First I wanna say thank you so much to everyone who reblogged and liked and commented. It really left me speechless. This blog is just something to have a little bit of fun and unwind from the real world so yeah. Thank you with all my heart. Like I said this is part 2 but they are still a bit far from lovers ahah I will probably make this a series i think? I most definitely write another parte but I don’t think I will be satisfied with only one more. Also english is not my first language so please excuse any mistakes and feel free to leave a message if you feel like I should add any other warning or anything else. Thank you so much once again :)

Part 1 of Prince Fred can be found HERE

PART 3

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Fred had been having the worst week ever, he didn’t think it could get worse. Ever since he left the market a week a go he thought seeing her (and for the first time for that matter) that it was a sign to him. The day of the talk of weddings and he finds her? The most precious and strong-minded girl he ever encountered? Lucky guy.

As soon as he hit home a week ago things took a turn. He came home to his father and mother accompanied by the queen and princess of the south. It took him a few seconds to actually understand what was happening in front of him, but as his thoughts started to make sense Fred’s mood switched completely. He has nothing more nothing less than In front of his future wife, according to his father’s next words. Fred despised his father then more than ever. Although he knew it was an obligation to marry, he never thought it would come so fast. Or was it that fast? Maybe it wasn’t but the idea never stuck with him.

From that point on his worst week had started. Both the queen and the princess would stay until the wedding had some structure and things had a course. Fred didn’t want to seem rude, or uninterested (which as this point, he was but still) but planning something that we was praying wouldn’t happen, was starting to take a toll on him. Physically and emotionally.

Very rarely did he appear in the meetings his father had planned, and he almost never made appearances in the meals throughout the day. He started eating his in chambers, either alone or sometimes accompanied by some girl who he thought would take is mind of, of everything.

So exactly a week after he first saw you, he decided that he had enough waiting and thinking around. He needed to see you, to talk you, he wanted to get to know you. And now leaving the castle was not as easy has it was a week ago. His father had reenforced security after his son’s sudden change in behavior. Fred didn’t really understand why seeing has he was always a rule-abiding kinda person. And his recent behavior was totally justified in his opinion.

So, after he got himself presentable he sneak out through a different door and a different passage way, and soon enough he was walking towards the market and you. Although he had only seen where you worked one time he remembered well and clear enough. He was attentive this time, and he very quickly got his sight on you. It was only you and your mother this time and has started to approach your stand your mother nudge you slightly, making you break eye contact with the things you were doing and looking at him for the second time ever.

“Your Grace.” Your mother said before you could speak and before he could announce himself to. You however didn’t say anything and just bowed to him, much like your mother had done.

“Good morning.” Fred said, his voice come out very soothing. What could he say next that would make his appearance justifiable? He was a Prince for crying out loud why was he now worried about what they could think about him being here and not buy anything? So his silence prolonged for a bit to long, until he finally mustered up the courage to start talking. “I was wondering if I could talk to you for a bit?” He was looking directly at you now.

Your mother tried her hardest to hide the smile that was threatening to appear on her face. She decided the best was to keep working on some stuff around her. But also keeping and eye and an ear peeled to what you would day or do.

Now you couldn’t just refuse royalty. It wasn’t something that would look good around and specially for your family. So, still very quietly you nodded and rested the small box you had on your hands and then came out around and next to him. “Before you go do you wish to have something to have something to eat your grace?” It was your mother.

“Oh I appreciate your kindness but we will have something along the way.” He smiled at her and then turned to you. “Should we go?” He spoke gently and then started walking and you followed, walking had silently has you could scared that any sudden move was going to scare him way. He was so used to big, fancy and expensive stuff how could he like or want to be next you?

“You highness your visit is very unexpected but very much appreciated.” Your voice finally made it’s way out of your throat, and your thoughts had finally started to make some type of sense. Until now nothing had really made sense.

What you didn’t expect from such a simple phrase was his laugh. A short belly laugh. “ You are very eloquent. But you do not need to speak to me in that way. You can relax I’m not here to hurt you or do any unwell to you or your family. I’m here because…” He trailed of. Could he admit to you that even though you both had a very small talk last week that he was left to wish more?

You finally smiled a little, letting that pent up nervousness subside. “You don’t have to justify yourself. I understand.” Even though you didn’t very much understand it still felt right to assure him that.

“Things have been getting chaotic up there, and I have not been able to stop thinking about you, about the incident” He admitted, stopping for a second because they were now close to a little lake and garden that was not very far from the market. You looked at him and waited for a second to see what was he going to do. He seated himself on the grass and you followed. The food he promised nowhere to be seen, but you didn’t mind His presence was already something to big to comprehend.

You decided to stay quiet, because by reading his expressions and movements you knew more was to come and somehow you had a feeling, he needed this a lot.

“My father decided that to be king I should get married.” Why was his brain allowing to share such personal stuff with someone he did not know. Someone he was only now seeing for the second time? “And I don’t want that.” He looked at you. The sun was shinning, and the light was hitting you beautifully. Every part of you that he already found beautiful was now even more prominent.

You found that this time was best to start talking. “I’m really sorry about that.” That was the first thing you had the courage to say. Your brain was trying to process all of this. All your life you thought you had it difficult. I mean how could you not? You weren’t born into wealth. But just the little bit he said also made you see that royalty doesn’t have it easy either. I mean you could not imagine yourself marrying someone you didn’t love. And for your age, and people around you, you were considered “old” to not be married. Most of your friends from when you were little already had kids of their own. And you? Well, you still helped your parents and lived with them. But they never pressured you to marry someone you didn’t love. Your own father had once said that he preferred that you lived with them all their lives, instead of marrying someone you didn’t love and didn’t make you feel appreciated.

“It must be very hard to have to marry someone not for love but for necessity, for other arrangements other than love.” You also looked at him, the sun hitting your eyes made it kind of difficult to look at him with a straight face, but he was also affected by it so you didn’t make a fuss out of it.

“Yes, it is. I know it is my duty to all of you, to give structure to our country, but I feel like my parents are just pushing me into a trap. One I will never be able to get out of.”

“Can you not marry out of love?” You asked but this time you broke the eye-contact and stared straight ahead into the clear water.

“I could yes, first if I found someone to love, and second if somehow my parents approved of it. They were always the best parents ever and I have nothing to put against them… but with this, this seems different. But I could yes.” Fred said.

“Then, you should marry out of love. I know it not to be a simple thing. You simply do not fall in love for someone out the blue. “ A big lie there, but maybe he could let that pass. “You just need to make the most out the time you have and find someone.”

“That does not sound like finding someone to love, seems to me like finding someone to substitute the girl my parents already found for me to marry.” He chuckled.

“Oh. You parents already found you someone? I’m sorry to hear that.” The feeling you felt in her chest was very different to something you ever felt. I mean how could you feel this for someone who was not yours? Maybe you could justify this by saying everyone, at least girls would feel this way. Seeing he was the prince, everyone had some kind of attraction towards him, and it would break every girls heart to know that someone they dreamed all their lives would be taken, and not to you.

“They did. She is, what you would expect every princess to be.” His simple explanation brought a lot of meaning in there. Because what was a princess suppose to be like? You sure as hell never thought about it. You dreamed of being one, but not how to be one. “Enough of my sad life. Please, tell me about yourself.”

“About me? What’s to know about me?” You have never been asked that question before. The boys you’ve been with never took their time to you. You thought they did, in the beginning, but you were naïve, and didn’t know better. All they did was getting something sexual out you and then they were out. To never be heard or seen again. So, this question took you by surprise. And by the time you took responding he could feel you didn’t have anything prepared.

“Well, I work with my parents and given that I’m an adult that should be a lot to say about me, right?” You tried to joke, but when his face was kept serious you knew it hadn’t stuck.

“Well, when I look at you, I see a hardworking woman. Someone who’s passionate about what they do. Do not think otherwise. You do not have to be married, and be out of your parents just because people around you do that. Break the norm, show them what you can achieve.” He changed his position so now both of his hands where behing his back and supporting his body and stretched out his legs.

“That is very nice of you. But as woman in this society, we are expected to married and have our first child by the age of twenty. As you can see, I have none of those. All I have is money my parents give me and that ends up in the either way because we have things to pay and cannot afford to be behind on them.” You concluded. And that’s when you saw Fred’s demeanor change.

“Come with me.” He started to get up, and his eyes followed you to the same.

“Where are we going?” You couldn’t hold in the small laugh that left your lips as you got up and followed him.

“To the palace.” That’s all he said before he started walking in the direction of the castle.

The arrival at the castle was not what you had expected. Very honestly you thought that the prince was gonna take you in through the back door, maybe the kitchen, the stables. Never, through the front door. So when you entered and faced the King and the Queen you felt the air on your lungs leave. Your mind racing, was your dress ok? Of course it wasn’t. it was not, it was the oldest of your dresses, ripped. Your hair looked nice! You had took the time this morning to do make it look pretty. It was something rare, but today was one of those ‘rare days’.

“Mom, Dad. This is y/n.” Fred cut right to the chase. Since they were there in front of you might as well just present you.

“Your highnesses.” You tried to do it the best you could, a small smile on your face and never looking them in the eyes unless they spoke directly to you. Before they could even talk Fred was already making himself heard and explaining the reason why you where there, which you, also didn’t know.

“y/n is looking for a job. I found her in one of my morning walks to the village. We have been talking for a while and I was thinking we could offer her a job here.” There some lies in that sentence, but I don’t think his parents needed to know that.

“y/n is it? Well, I’m sure my son here will help you find something important to do around the castle, given we always have so many tasks.” It was his mother talking, you knew her from all the beautiful stories your mother told you, how kind she was. “After that son I would ask you to join us in the greenhouse for some tea with the queen and the princess.”

“Sure mother, whatever your heart desires.” Fred gave her a mocking gesture before grabbing your wrist and pulling further into the castle, to you, unknown territory. “ I was thinking you could work as a maid. My personal maid.” He added the last part with a small shade of pink appearing in his cheeks. “I have very few people who I trust to work along side me, and also very few people who I trust to help me in the mornings. Almost none of them come in contact with me directly mainly because I appreciate my privacy. But I would like you to be a part of them. This job I’m offering will give you a monthly salary that we will discuss further, should you choose to accept this job. Is this to much information?” He asked when he looked at your face to see you look perplexed and a little lost.

“No I just.. Just didn’t think you would offer me a job. Me of all people” You said and when he stopped walking and opened the door you knew exactly where you were, even though you’d never been there. Certainly, this was not ok. He should not be allowed to bring one of his subjects to the castle and certainly not to his chambers. He should also not be allowed to offer a job to someone he barely even knew. But today was made of surprised and that was happening.

“Well, you just had to charm me with your small talk and I was hooked.” He jokes, entering his chambers and closing the door as soon as you entered to. “I will give you some time to think about it, as this is a big step, but I think personally you should consider it. I will give you way more than what you are making with your parents and although they might loose someone to help they will gain your income, which is already a plus, in my point of view.”

“Yes of course, please never think I don’t appreciate your offer hole heartedly, I do. And I will most definitely consider it.” You were now just standing in the middle of his chambers waiting for him to give you some type of instructions. When he motioned for you to seat, you did just that, in the chair he had pointed at.

“We should discuss further things related to it, in case you might change your mind.” He said. And so, after that you spent what thought was hours sitting there listening to him talk, but in reality it was no more than an hour. “If you have any more doubts about it, please do not hesitate to come to the castle, I will let the guards know that if you come I should attend at you immediately.” You nodded, still trying to process all the information from the past hour, but finally, after what seemed like an eternity, your brain was putting the pieces together.

“Thank you so much for this I will not forget the good you are doing for me. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but thank you.” After finishing that sentence Fred came forward and hugged you tightly. Took you by surprise but you did not hesitate to wrap your arms around him and retribute the hug.

You left after that. Not many words were shared after that unexpected hug.

You spent some days after that lost in thought. Not a single task your parents asked you seem to get right. They knew of the offer, they more than anyone else supported you in going for it. It was an amazing opportunity for you. You thought it was the best for you all, they would be able to live a comfortably from then on. But parents being parents they were thinking of your future, you would be able to start a better life. So you had you mind made up 5 days after the offer was made.

That day you woke up with a sense of relief upon you. Your mom knew of your decision so she made sure before she left for work to lay down your best dress and your best accessories just so you wouldn’t go to the palace unprepared like the first time. You got dressed and made yourself look as presentable as you could and on you went.

When you got there you followed Fred’s instructions and at first the guards where suspicious but after much insisting they went to warn him of your arrival. Being early and Fred being a night owl he was still a sleep, but very quickly came to his senses when he realizes you were there.

Thoughts evading his mind. Where you there to reject the offer? He hated the feeling that came upon him when he thought you not working there. For the days since you last talked all his brain could conjure where images of you working there, him being able to see you every day. Talk to you. Maybe in of those days he thought and dreamed of you, it might have gotten a little filthy, which scared him to admit that. But what if you were there to say yes? The joy he would feel. But the problems his mind would bring him if he had to look at you every day. Would he be able to control himself?

He had let his thoughts run wild for so long now that he feared when he came down you wouldn’t be there to speak your mind. But has he came down the last flight of stairs he found you, staring at everything, your hands behind you back, and your eyes moving quickly as if to catch every single detail around you.

They announced his arrival, what made you break your train of thoughts and look in is direction in seconds. You moved to his proximity and smiled brightly.

“Thank you for meeting me so quickly Your Grace.” You knew he didn’t like what you just called him. But first you were surrounded by guards, and they could not hear you treat him like you treat on of yours, and second if you were to work for him you would have to always call him that. Whether he liked it or not.

“Nonsense. Do you want to seat?” He asked, at the same time he gestured to the guard to leave you both alone. But you spoke fast after that.

“I a coming in to take up the offer you highness made days ago, if it’s still stands.” You looked at him. And you couldn’t believe, or at least your mind didn’t want to believe what you saw. The brightest glow his face has ever had, or that you have seen, appeared.

“It does still stand. And I’m very glad you decided to accept it. You don’t have to start today but I can take you to Miss Agatha. She’s the one in charge of all personal things, she does know I was thinking of adding someone new, so you are to be expected. Is that ok with you?”

It would never seize to amaze you how much the Prince consented to everything. Always making sure you were okay, and that what he was doing was okay to. You were so not use to it. You nodded and behind him you followed.

And so, that’s how you became part of the royal troupe. That’s how, from that day on you would work for the crown. More specifically Prince Fred himself. To attend to his needs. You didn’t think you would be able to let the little infatuation you had for him stay the way it was. You would have to work very hard to keep it small and discrete, after all he could never, and would never fall in love for someone like you.

#fred weasly x reader #fred weasley imagine #Fred Weasley Imagines #fred weasley #prince!fred #fred weasley one shot #golden

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