#god im so tired this took so long to format and edit. good NIGHT

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Mikan (pt. 5)

Hey guys. I know I'm late in posting but that's because I was reading my fav NatsuMikan fanfic and then talking for hours with @thesightofworms on the phone about Gakuen Alice so I lost track of time. I'll probably post tomorrow's essay earlier in the day but today was good anyway. It might have taken a while but it still arrived, after all.

Today we'll be discussing Mikan's POV during the Reo Arc. I think it's very easy to focus on Natsume's feelings during these chapters, particularly later in the arc when he regains consciousness, because this is the arc where It happens, but Mikan's perspective is important here too.

If any of my thoughts here seem incoherent, that's probably because they are. I'm sorry--I tend to be a mess when it comes to these two. This essay is my attempt to make sense of my very deep feelings about them, a pursuit that is occasionally difficult.

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Chapter Thirteen

Reo is coming to Alice Academy to perform on the third day. He’ll be stopping by today to get checked up before the concert. It’s supposed to be a secret, but it’s nothing a kid with the super hearing alice can’t figure out. Mikan is very excited until she finds out who Reo is--then she gets even more excited. Mikan is sometimes just happy to get carried away with the crowd.

They’re all excited until they notice Ruka is crestfallen. He’s worried because Natsume is in the hospital from exhaustion. He’s been exhausted since the dodgeball game, apparently, and Mikan instantly thinks of when Natsume warned her that they were both being singled out. She’s so intuitive in many ways, getting the idea that Natsume’s exhaustion might be related to the school “watching” him. He’s sick and most of the class is naturally concerned.

Mikan gradually comes to care about Natsume. She goes from being mildly surprised and disturbed by his injured body when they first get partnered up to being genuinely concerned here. Of course, the feeling is a little fleeting, but her concern for him will become harder and harder for her to brush aside as she cares for him more. Don't worry, though, I'm doing my very best to track the progress for us :)

Until Sumire announces that she and Ruka will be visiting him at the hospital since they’re such close friends of Natsume’s and everyone gets peeved that they can’t come too--because that’s where Reo is!

They really are all ten years old--that is fucking messed up.

Mikan is jealous, like everyone else, that Sumire is going instead of her, but not because she wants to visit Natsume--just because she wants to catch a glimpse of Reo, whose work she’s still unfamiliar with.

Hotaru is their saving grace, of course. She has invented very handy spy gear to help them infiltrate the hospital and catch some photos of Reo. They make it pretty far until Mikan and Hotaru choose to split up. 

Mikan realizes that she’s in the east wing, the same part of the hospital that Natsume is staying in. She decides that she’s going to check in on him real quick. She assures herself that she’s not worried, but it is unusual for him to be sick (no, it’s not). The thing is that, despite herself, she is worried. He may be a jerk, but she’s seen signs of a hidden depth to him. She doesn’t want him to be sick or unwell (this sentiment naturally gets stronger as the story moves along). I’m not sure what she was planning on saying to him when she saw him, but she has every intention of dropping by just to see how he’s doing. 

It could just be guilt because the dodgeball game was her idea. But she doesn't seem guilty here, just concerned. She comes up with excuses for going to see him, even just to herself, which makes me think this is out of genuine care. She always distances herself from feelings about him, like here, which I will go into more detail on later, mostly in the Z Arc. Her feelings for him--in whatever capacity--are confusing and weird, so she'd rather disregard them. For all of her curiosity about others, she sure doesn't like to examine herself too closely.

Until she runs into Sumire, who’s armed with an autograph book and a camera. Mikan puts two and two together and deduces that she didn’t only stop by to see Natsume. 

The mood flips when Permy sees Reo enter Natsume’s room, leaving it guarded.

They’re concerned, because that’s not normal, so they decide to look in through the outside window, just to see Reo knocking Natsume out and then having him teleported to the trunk of his car. 

Yet another trauma to add to the list: watching a classmate get chloroformed and kidnapped. 

Mikan is stunned, staring into the room and confused about what she just witnessed. But Sumire doesn’t hesitate: she darts off. She doesn’t get it either, but she knows that what they just witnessed was a crime, and they have to stop Reo. At first, it’s Sumire who’s being proactive, instantly approaching a teacher to explain what happened. Nobody ever takes kids seriously, especially the teachers at this wack school, so Sumire is threatened with punishment. 

Mikan can see that Reo is about to get away, so she takes advantage of another skill she has: brawn. She hits the teacher with her backpack and is able to make a run for it with Sumire. They’re able to follow Reo’s car outside in the knick of time. 

I like this beginning moment because it demonstrates their personalities and approaches to danger quite well, where Sumire acts first after witnessing the kidnapping, but by immediately going to a teacher. Meanwhile, Mikan (who is usually impulsive and quick to act) bizarrely hesitates before making a move, but ultimately can see that the teachers are of no help and that they need to put matters into their own hands. This will come up in the Z Arc as well.

This is the start of a very important arc. Mikan will learn a lot about both Sumire and Natsume, two classmates of hers that she doesn’t like at all. By the end of the arc, she won’t dislike either of them, but will instead count them as friends. 

Chapter Fourteen

Mikan and Sumire immediately start bickering. Their working together is what helped them escape in the first place, but now that they’re successfully out, they’re at each other’s throats again. And this distraction is what gets them caught. They’re saved by Ruka, but there’s still the question of finding Reo’s car and catching up to it. This spurs Sumire into using her alice for the first time in the manga. It’s incredibly useful, and combined with Hotaru’s muscle patches, it helps them get pretty far in tracking Reo.

Mikan would much prefer this pursuit be by car, though, because they’re both tired and catching up on foot is difficult. But Sumire snaps at her that involving other people in this would be dangerous. They’re special, as Alices, which means they have different responsibilities, including keeping innocent people safe and not involving them with dangerous kidnappers. 

What I like about Sumire is that all of her personality traits are double-sided. Her feeling of Alice supremacy is simultaneously rooted in elitism and concern for non-Alices. The "new side" we see in this arc is not the appearance of new traits, just new perspectives. Sumire's strengths are her weaknesses, bla bla bla, so on and so forth.

It’s this exchange that helps Mikan see a new side to Sumire too. She may be elitist about her alice status, but she also has concern for others’ safety that not even Mikan had considered. She is surprised, but this changes her views on her classmate. Sumire was the first between them to run after Reo and take action, even when Mikan was frozen with shock, and she’s the one speaking up about being responsible now. There’s good to her. 

But they both get kidnapped too. Add one more trauma to the list.

Mikan wakes up to some peculiar scents and to the feeling of someone’s breathing. When she opens her eyes, she sees that she’s mere inches from Natsume’s face. She jumps away in shock. She and Sumire have both been kidnapped and tied up, just like Natsume. They wanted to save him, but now they’re in just as much trouble as he is. They can only gather so much about their new surroundings before Reo comes by and they pretend to sleep. 

What exactly am I supposed to take away from this panel? Like, obviously I know that they're only this close incidentally but still! There had to be a reason to include this nonsense. They didn't have to be this close.

Reo is not an easy villain. The manga did not dabble with some cartoonish evil. This guy is willing to chloroform and kidnap kids. He’s engaging in child trafficking, with commandeering a child soldier for his organization. This is what we might call a “terrorist group,” and Reo is so focused on killing the evil academy that he can’t see how much bad he’s doing that is on a similar level.

Irrelevant. 

Mikan and her classmates are in serious danger and it’s hard not to be terrified when the situation seems so bleak. 

This being said, Mikan’s POV is nowhere near as dismal as Natsume’s. Mikan, even in a situation as dangerous as this one, can’t fathom that they won’t somehow be able to escape. It’ll be hard and scary, but Mikan doesn’t worry that she could die or actually be sold. Whereas Natsume wakes up into this situation resigned to the fact that he’ll probably die tonight, Mikan still has hope even when it seems they don’t have a shot.

All they can do is listen for now as Reo talks to his subordinates, who inform him that the boss is not happy with his brash actions.

In the anime, Reo is sent by Z to kidnap Natsume. Everything he does, from the very beginning, is with that aim in mind. He expresses dissatisfaction with the higher ups in his own organization. But in the manga, Reo decides to kidnap Natsume on a whim. He saw him by chance and then things spiraled until he had managed to kidnap three different kids. Reo is desperate for his boss’s approval, acting above and beyond what is expected so that he can get… praise, maybe? He likes his boss, and getting his disapproval now only further encourages him to prove that this was not a bad idea. 

He affirms that he’ll get Natsume to join their group and that the girls will be sold overseas as soon as their alices are figured out.

Reo approaches, kicking at Natsume with his shoe, musing about the Black Cat.

What's interesting is that because we rarely get details on his missions, we have no way of knowing if Natsume does murder people. I would guess yes, because the DA class has in the past forced children to murder (Persona killing Izumi--intentional on the ESP's part even if it was an accident) and is implied to have forced children into sexual situations (namely Luna who was groomed and Narumi who was made to use his alice on grown adults) so it wouldn't be uncharacteristic. Even Yuka killed people by taking "their souls" in their old age via stealing their alices. A little tangent. The DA class is a human rights violation.

Mikan and Sumire are unfamiliar with Natsume’s black ops identity, with his secret life of child soldiering. But Reo isn’t. Natsume is the bane of their organization, he explains, a boy so strong he can regularly overpower the alice-limiting cat mask he wears on missions (and in fact never takes the mask off during missions). But even more than that: when he was eight years old, he set his entire hometown ablaze. According to Reo, Natsume was sent to the academy instead of prison, where he was given the chance to be “rehabilitated,” only to act as a spy and antagonize all the school’s enemies.

That’s what the DA class is, after all: a spy-training organization. 

Mikan and Sumire are shocked at what they’ve just heard.

Mikan thinks back on all the rumors she’s heard about him, that he’s a murderer, that he hates the academy. He has a power he doesn’t want. It all seems to click into place, more puzzle pieces aligning themselves to make a clearer picture of Natsume.

Until Sumire snaps that Natsume is not that kind of person. She’s sure that Reo is lying, and Mikan is then reminded of Ruka’s words, when he told her not to say bad things about Natsume. 

Natsume has apologists and haters, and then he has Mikan, who cannot help but see good and bad and is endlessly confused by the paradox of his being.

Natsume is a jerk, for sure, and certainly not her favorite person. 

But he also plays with animals and babysits his younger classmate. He can smile sometimes.

Whether or not it’s true is unimportant: even if he is a spy, he’s still her classmate, her partner. 

So they have to escape, all together, because they came all this way to save Natsume, and there’s no reason why they would back out now. (Again demonstrating how powerful her optimism is--she cannot imagine that this mission of theirs will fail. They came here for a reason, therefore it will all turn out okay.)

Chapter Fifteen

Their escape plan isn’t really going anywhere until Natsume wakes up. They’re relieved to see that he’s up and okay, but despite the dire situation, the scene manages to stay silly, with Mikan trying to gnaw Sumire’s ropes off. It’s Natsume, who just woke up, who brings attention to Mikan’s earmuffs, which she suddenly remembers are for communication.

I’ll get into this more during the Z Arc, but Mikan gets little glimpses here that Natsume is different, especially since Reo just shared his DA activities. The idea that his life is miles away from anything she could imagine is fresh in her mind. Mikan and Sumire are innocent kids who got nobly but still naively involved in a very dangerous situation that they still don’t fully appreciate; Natsume is so used to being in this kind of situation that he can focus on what’s relevant. 

They’re able to get into contact with Narumi, who urges them to keep pretending to sleep and to have Natsume burn off their binds. He keeps on talking, giving them advice on how to maneuver their dangerous situation as Natsume does as he’s told, burning his own binds and then moving to untie Mikan’s. She’s preoccupied with him, since he looks so obviously unwell. He looks even sicker after having used his alice, and she’s concerned about him. It’s intriguing that even though they’re all in a dangerous situation, it’s specifically Natsume’s visible illness that concerns her. It is so important, in fact, that worrying about Natsume takes precedence over really listening to what Narumi is saying. It’s important that Mikan specifically is worried about Natsume, that it’s her who shows concern and gets distracted.

Mikan sees that Natsume uses his alice (able to overpower an alice barrier, thus demonstrating his seemingly limitless power) and then gets sicker. Classic symptoms of the fourth alice shape. Only thing is that she doesn't actually know what that is yet. All in due time.

She’s distracted enough that she gets caught. Reo swoops in and swipes the earmuffs. He mouths off to Narumi and then tosses the earmuffs aside. He has bigger fish to fry, like finally figuring out what the girls’ alices are. He uses his own alice to get Sumire to confess that she’s a somatic ability type. Mikan has the nullification alice, which is effective against pheromones, so she tries to snap Sumire out of it. To distract from that, Natsume throws something to move their attention.

Mikan always prioritizes her friends over herself. She and Natsume have this in common, even just in this scene, where Natsume the martyr chooses the girls’ well-being over his own because he knows he probably won’t survive this anyway. The difference between them, though, is that at the moment, Mikan is so concerned about Sumire and later Natsume, that she can’t think about her own well-being. Her concern for others overrides her ability to even consider herself. She doesn’t view her actions here as sacrificing her own safety; it’s simply the right thing to do, which makes it the only thing she can do. She doesn’t even consider staying quiet because it never occurs to her that she can or should. 

Natsume is apparently weak. He was hospitalized for a reason and their current predicament doesn’t change the fact that he’s still exhausted and unwell. But he’s still taking Reo's attention on purpose to protect the girls. Mikan watches as Reo taunts him with the promise of working for his organization instead of the school that he hates so much. Natsume smacks him off but before Reo can retaliate, Mikan throws herself between them, pushing Reo away.

She protects first, thinks of consequences later.

Why should Natsume have to listen to all of this? He’s sick! Mikan can see that he was trying to protect them, even in his weak state. She sees that someone who is suffering is being mistreated and overpowered and once again, it’s simply not an option to sit still. Mikan is impulsive so she often does the first thing that pops into her mind, and the first thing that pops into her mind here is to protect Natsume. She doesn’t wait long enough to consider the consequences of her actions, both because of her impulsivity, and because acting on this feels right. She just wants to stick up for her partner, to keep him from being mistreated by Reo. But she gets caught as a nullification alice in the process. Reo confuses her with his instant fascination, claiming that she even looks like “that woman” from ten years ago, and thus he commands his subordinates to research what they can about “that woman.” 

Mikan only ever gets glimpses into information about herself. Nobody’s about to share what they know with her here, even though it clearly concerns her. Again, Mikan is often left in the dark in this way, both maintaining a sense of mystery for the reader while also making Mikan uninformed about herself. The thing is--and this will become more clear later--that Mikan isn’t so stupid that she can’t hear. All she has to go off of in regards to her potential parentage are little dropped hints like this, little suggestions of a dark history with no solid basis for her to go off of. Mikan acts happy-go-lucky, but an emotionally intuitive girl like her can tell that this information is important, even if it is limited. We’ll see more evidence later that Mikan isn’t simply being talked at; she is intaking the information. She just doesn’t have time to focus on it right now when other stuff is going on.

After all, Mikan can only afford to be confused for a moment. They’re finally left alone, and this is their chance to act. Sumire learns that they’re by the ocean, that there’s a warehouse with dynamite a little ways away, and that there’s nobody else around to save them.

So Natsume tells them to run for it. He can take care of himself, after all, and they’re just burdens on him. 

Yet another example of Natsume being good--proving Ruka right. He is more than just a cold, heartless jerk. Ahh he only becomes more complicated!

They do run at his command, until he calls attention to himself, distracting Reo and his colleagues. He threatens to blow up the dynamite nearby if they move an inch and makes it clear that he’s not bluffing. He summons a fire in his hand to prove that. He’s so powerful he could overpower his mask, Misaki-sensei warned her when she first met him. And now Reo said that he regularly does on missions, to the point that his enemies only know him by his black cat mask. And now he demonstrates that he can summon a sizable flame while running on nothing but fumes. She saw him just a moment ago, when he burned the ropes, that he was exhausted by even the smallest use of alice. She can tell that this cannot be easy for him, even if he looks calm and collected.

But then he shouts at them again to run and they have no choice but to obey.

The girls are escaping, and Sumire is proactive again, thinking about what they’ll do next and how to find the academy. She stays on the mission Natsume gave them and is intent on listening, convinced that they can find someone who will help them and rescue Natsume. She trusts that Natsume knows what he’s doing, that he’ll be okay.

That’s the problem: Sumire can’t fathom that Natsume is involved with black ops because he’s a good person, and she chooses to trust him for a similar reason. He wouldn’t do something he didn’t want to do. He is good and smart and that means that he will be okay, that he’ll get out of this safely. 

But Mikan has no such delusions. She knows that Natsume is a complicated person--he confuses her on a near-daily basis. He could be involved in some shady underground spy activity. He could be an arsonist or a murderer. That still wouldn’t make him black or white. For as cruel as some of his actions have been, she’s also seen sides of good to him. 

But she also watched him just now too.

He was very sick, and she’s been worried about him all this time. She doubts he’d be able to escape on his own the way he promised. He threatened to blow himself up with the rest of them, and even showed off that he could do it, that he could use his alice even with a barrier, even with his illness.

Mikan saves his life through a cocktail of Natsume skepticism and intuition. There's really no evidence that he should be trusted here.

Mikan’s most spectacular trait, her intuition, kicks in again. 

She doesn’t trust Natsume.

She doesn’t think he’ll be able to make it out alive.

She has a bad feeling and she trusts it, pulling her into turning back around and toward the warehouse that she just left.

She could be home free, back to the academy. She doesn’t even like Natsume that much anyway. Who really cares? Why would she go back to the scary place she just escaped instead of heading further towards the promise of safety?

Because she trusts the feeling in her gut that tells her that if she doesn’t go back for Natsume, she’ll never see him again. 

And he’s her partner, damn it!

This is a huge difference between the manga and the anime, I believe. The manga here portrays Sumire’s trust in Natsume’s character as sweet and noble but ultimately misled. Meanwhile, the anime seems to put stock in her statement. Natsume is far too good a person to do such things, she says--and it must be true. The anime makes it a point to have Natsume state that he never does missions he disagrees with or that he’s morally against. Natsume is too good a person!

But the manga stresses that it doesn’t matter how good a person Natsume is, he doesn’t have a fucking choice in the matter. He wouldn’t do it if he had the choice not to--not any of it. But he doesn’t have a choice. Thus Natsume, who is a good person at heart, has actually done terrible things for the school. He has bloodied his hands on their orders and blackened his own heart in the process, leading him to become cold and miserable.This is why Mikan goes back and not Sumire. Sumire looks at Natsume and sees a cute classmate she has a crush on, who is intelligent and talented and good. She looks at him and sees stars. But Mikan sees more. She knows he’s capable of good as well as bad. She can see--even if she doesn’t fully articulate this thought--that Natsume might be the product of his situation in some ways. It’s clear he’s involved in some messed up stuff, so she doesn’t trust him. She doesn’t see stars when she looks at Natsume; she sees a person.

Chapter Sixteen

Mikan is not Sumire. She doesn’t trust that Natsume will be okay. She’s got the feeling that he’s gonna try to blow himself up to let the two of them escape, and that’s not an acceptable option for her. She’s heading back, because Natsume’s gonna kill himself to save them, and she can’t allow that to happen.

She catches him at the last possible second. She was right not to trust him!

He’s about to do it: kill himself.

She tackles him and nullifies the flame waiting in his hand and whatever flames were bound to follow. 

"Did you seriously want to kill yourself?!" Read my Natsume essay for the answer (spoiler: it's yes).

Mikan instantly berates him, now that they’re on the ground and no warehouses have exploded. He was really gonna kill himself. Does he want to die? Mikan can’t understand that, because if he could see why Sumire and Mikan deserved to escape, then he should want that for himself too! How can someone see value in others, and not in himself?? (Hmm, Mikan, I wonder.) 

Reo takes advantage of Natsume’s current state to scream at him to submit.  Mikan catches him in her arms, holding him up. Then Reo taunts Mikan that she ruined Natsume’s plan. Now that she’s back, it’s all for nothing.

Natsume asks why she came back, but all Mikan can answer is that she was worried. She had to come back because he is her partner. She didn’t think about it; it was an impulsive choice but it wasn’t a choice at all. Again, she becomes so concerned for her friends at times that self-preservation does not even occur to her. What matter is saving Natsume, so she will act to do that, without considering that she could be hurt. And she says it so matter-of-factly: “I had to come back. You’re my partner.” Like it’s stupid he would even ask. What else was she supposed to do?

Not "I won't leave you behind," but "I can't leave you behind." This wasn't optional.

You can plan a million AUs for this manga, with hundreds of different decisions divulging into a million different outcomes. But there will never be a universe where Mikan doesn’t come back for Natsume. It would never occur to her to leave him behind. (Perhaps, it's in this way that they are fated.)

It’s too late to think back on that now anyway. She had to come back, because he’s her partner. That word might not mean anything to him, but he’s her idle puzzle, a little mystery she’s been trying to figure out after getting occasional tidbits of insight into what makes him tick. She still doesn’t fully get him: the black ops thing just blurs things even more, but she knows that he doesn’t deserve to die alone in a warehouse just to make sure she and Sumire get out okay. He deserves to live too.

Reo is sick of their “flirting,” so he commands his subordinates to capture them, but he had accidentally affected them with his alice earlier too, so they’re out of commission for the moment. 

Mikan is resourceful. She’s the one to take advantage of the confusion this time, throwing dry cement into Reo’s face and dragging Natsume out of the warehouse with her.

Mikan does this all on instinct, because she can’t fathom not doing it. But the fact of the matter is that she just saved a person’s life with her alice. Moreover, she’s still protecting him, acting as the only barrier between life and death for him. If she hadn’t come back, he’d be dead. Like he was the first real example of what her alice can do, he’s also the most glaring example of how valuable her alice is, how much of a medicine it can be. Mikan doesn’t really think of any of this right away and she’ll continue to feel down on herself for all the things her alice can’t do instead of focusing on all the good it can do (but Natsume will know better).

Hotaru used her alice to help them earlier, with the earmuffs and spy gear. Ruka helped too, distracting the teachers so Sumire and Mikan can get away. Sumire helped, using her own alice, even if she is insecure about it, to  find Natsume. Natsume used his alice to get them free. And Mikan finished it, using her own alice to save his life. 

But it’s even more than just her alice--her personality, her optimism, loyalty, empathy, intuition, curiosity--all of it is what kept him from dying. If Mikan wasn’t Mikan, Natsume would have died. She’s the only one who would have gone back, even with such little information. She’s the only one who would have thought to. 

This is what I think the story means by them being fated. The timing, sure, the way others pair them off, yeah, but also this. They are “meant to be together” insofar as Natsume is destined to fall in love with the person who saves him and Mikan is the one who saves him because she is herself; just like she falls in love with him because of who he is. (This makes sense in my head but is so difficult to put into words, but I’m trying my best.) Miriam-Webster defines a soulmate as “a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament.” Though there’s a lot of definitions and concepts like love or soulmates can be difficult to define because they encompass such abstract topics, I’ll use this one, even if it’s not precisely what I want to convey here. They are suited for each other perfectly because Natsume needs someone who is curious and doesn’t take him at face value; she gets conflicting information so she looks harder until she can see things he’d rather keep a secret. Because she’s unique in this way, she’s the only one who would have come back for him in these circumstances. If fate is an agent here, it is simply setting pieces on the board--nobody is compelled to act or feel beyond what they choose. If this is incomprehensible, I’m sorry. I honestly don’t know how to better articulate this idea.

She lugs him along, but he’s weak and slow and they’re not getting very far. He’s heavy too, causing her to eventually slip and fall down some stairs. Natsume suggests she get out of here and leave him behind, but Mikan refuses. They bicker for a moment until she shouts that she won’t do that. Even if she could, she wouldn’t. She came back for Natsume. This whole day has been about saving Natsume. Everyone has been working hard to bring him back safely. She won’t give up, no matter what, especially since they’ve come so far. As I’ve said a hundred times, Mikan can’t imagine giving up!

Thinking really hard about how little she thought about any of this.

Mikan doesn't fully comprehend why Natsume would be willing to do what he almost did. Mikan has never given up in her life, and she’s not gonna start now, not even on him. And she doesn’t understand why he’d be willing to give up, not just on his own life, but on all their friends’ work to bring him back home. 

There’s a panel of Natsume, playing with the dog, then the word, “spy.” Natsume remains an incongruity, a mystery, a mess of mixed messaging. She sees good amongst the bad, even if Reo wasn’t lying. But that also means that he should, that his future might have just enough good in it to make it worth it. She doesn’t fully get him, but she doesn’t have to. She knows enough to know he matters enough to save.

They’re about to be caught, so Mikan doubles down. She picks up a pipe and prepares for a fight. She’s a little girl with a pipe but she’s gonna protect him. She’s not gonna give up. There’s a future waiting for both of them. “Let’s go back to the academy together.” Because once she got it in her mind that she was going to save Natsume, there was no way she’d go back without having done so. 

Natsume sees the situation is hopeless so he gives up and nearly kills himself; Mikan sees the situation is tricky so she grabs a pipe. Nothing is ever hopeless, even if it looks that way. This situation is no safer now than ever, but she's gonna fight 'til the end. After all, her optimism often pans out, time and time again.

They get found and Mikan attacks the guy. But she’s sadly overpowered quickly and thrown against the wall. It hurts, but she’ll live. But before she can start moving again, Natsume is screaming and suddenly setting off an explosion. 

Little bit of an overreaction?

She comes to in a rush, demanding to know where Natsume is. When she’s finally calmed down, she finds out that everything is fine. Ruka thanks her for saving Natsume and on top of that she’s finally awarded her first star, promoting her to single star status! 

She’s finally proven herself. She is a capable Alice, not just a stupid troublemaker, and she helped rescue somebody. She protected him and now she’s being rewarded for it. She’s just been through a traumatic ordeal, but in the end it all worked out. Things are looking up. It’s interesting how Mikan was just kidnapped but she can still look on the bright side. It takes a lot more than that to break her (but don’t worry, it will, eventually). Honestly I think this is in part due to the fact that Natsume and Mikan’s experiences just now were not the same; she did not view this event in the same dark way as he did. She never lost hope, while he instantly succumbed to the idea of dying. Additionally, everything did work out. It was scary, but all three kids were able to get out alive and with minimal damage. This was just a scary situation that the three of them were able to overcome.

We are officially past the expository stage of GA, now that Mikan is a real, bona fide Alice student.

On top of that, she was able to follow Narumi’s advice and the festival hasn’t even started yet: she did make more friends, and spent time with people she usually didn’t. She understands both Sumire and Natsume much better now. She was able to see how noble Sumire can be, how responsible and thoughtful she is, and how quick she can think on her feet, even in a tough spot. And she learned a lot about Natsume too, how he was willing to die to let the two of them get out safely, how much he struggles through his illness, but how strong he can be anyway. She also got some insight into the secret life he’s living, though she still doesn’t even know the half of it. 

Though she considered these two both to be her worst enemies, they’re now people she’ll think of as friends, more or less, going forward. 

So of course, the first thing she does when she gets her star is run to Natsume’s room to show him. Mikan slowly started to understand him and now he’s a friend. Just last week, she might have never even considered showing him her star. But things are different now; they’ve gone through shared trauma together, have helped rescue each other. She can’t imagine that they won’t be friends from now on. In her mind, everything--especially in regards to Natsume--is different now.

I think this arc cements the closing of the introductory part of the manga. We will still slowly be introduced to more concepts and lore, but this arc finishes up all the exposition, which is neatly symbolized by Mikan becoming a “real” Alice student and proving herself as valuable, getting her first star. It also does a good job of suggesting, and what I mean by that is:

Natsume and Ruka both have feelings for her now, which will be consistent for the rest of the manga, even if it isn’t explicitly said.

Both Natsume’s and Mikan’s complexes and insecurities have been fully introduced and will continue to be explored throughout the manga especially when it comes to their relationship (particularly their relationship with their alices and how important the other is in that regard).

It establishes that this manga is not actually a comedy and that terrible, dark things will happen. The Reo Arc is actually terrifying. Nothing that happens in this arc is normal or to be disregarded. Natsume almost killed himself. Reo wanted to sell Sumire and Mikan into the human trafficking trade. Natsume does black ops missions. This arc demonstrates not only that the manga can get dark, but that it is bound to get much darker. They can’t always get away unscathed after all.

AAJSKHJKFHJKAHDSJKSA. Ugh! No words.

Conclusion

This arc is really important for the both of them, both individually and for their relationship. I understand that Natsume falling in love with her in this arc might overshadow Mikan's own role here, but her own thoughts and feelings are just as central. After all, Natsume falls in love with her for a reason.

I had a lot of thoughts about this arc and their soulmate-ness that is demonstrated here, but thoughts like these are hard to put into words so I struggled a little with this analysis. Natsume is so much easier to write about sometimes. Mikan can be an enigma.

Tomorrow, we'll discuss the aftermath of this arc and particularly the fact that Mikan now views Natsume as a friend instead of an enemy, or at the very least someone she wants to befriend.

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[ythmir-writes]

the lake (working title)

Giles x MC

Author’s Notes: A very very very late Secret Santa gift for the astoundingly talented @agrossivepatato (Hi it's me theempresskaizer) I debated whether I should draw something for you or make something artsy but since my strength lies in writing, I decided I should stick with that and simply give you something I made up. Because Im good at making things up and writing them down. At least I think I am. It took so long but I hope you enjoy this! Please look forward to the second chapter! (Yes I'm sorry there's a second chapter but I want to post this before the 6th of January and then I saw your post amd felt incredibly embarrassed and guilty so I'm posting this now :D)

Notes: lots of liberality was taken. Characters belong to cybird except for the Princess whom I fashioned after a dear friend. I like to mention and thank @emigotchi for putting up with my insane questions about winter :) also I'm on mobile so all editing with the format will be done once I get a laptop again I'm sorry

Summary: It's winter again in Wysteria and the Winter Ball is about to take place. Everything has been prepared by Giles and the Princess Elect. They've done this before. This is is the third Winter Ball after all since the princess was selected. So why is he anxious? 

Chap 01/02

Giles Christophe woke up with a start, his leg jerking against empty air as he gasped. His whole body felt as if it had dropped from a height and yet he lay perfectly still. It took a few moments for him to realize that he was lying on his side and that the the prickling sensation in his arm was because he had his hand in-between his head and pillow. It was just a dream, a faraway memory that has not crossed his mind in years.

And that in itself, felt strange.

Most nights, Giles did not dream. It was as if all that he needed to do was to lay on his bed and pull up the covers; with just a few winks, he would have already dozed off. Few men of similar political positions could be lulled into a peaceful slumber so quickly. Some were haunted by memories, others by sin, and most found it as a kind of just chastisement that they were deprived of that one natural human act that could make them forget the things they had done or had failed to do, even if temporarily.

It was not that his life was uneventful or unmemorable. Hardly. The duties that came with being the Wysterian Royal Adviser were more than enough to keep him constantly moving from one side of the palace to the other. Besides, it would be naive to think that any person who was the right hand man of any monarch would not have skeletons in their closet. Giles would never admit it just to anyone but he had his own. And then some.

Only, Giles found it impractical to lose what precious sleep he could have over a few secrets. He always made it a point that he should sleep whenever he could because sleep meant he was rested and being rested meant more work could be done. The moment one task was finished, two more sprang in its place. Any sort of delay would only end with him spending more time than necessary on a certain project and that meant time lost. Time lost in turn meant more time would be wasted on paperwork. And more time wasted on paperwork meant less time with his beloved. And he simply will not have that.

So sleep was never an issue nor was it ever restless for Giles.

It should not be.

Especially not tonight.

Ardiana was snuggled behind him, her face pressed against his back, arm comfortably wrapped around him. It was one of those rare nights when they could meet, and both of them had made the most out such a golden opportunity; a precious night when neither of their duties interfered with their romance. Pleasantly exhausted, they had spent the last few conscious moments snuggling and Giles vaguely remembered whispering into Adriana’s ear before closing his eyes.

So why did he dream that dream?

He took two deep breaths, three, trying his best to calm down his pounding heart. It was slamming against his ribs and he worried that its tremors would wake Ardiana up. He closed his eyes, concentrated on his breathing, but the moment his vision was shrouded by darkness, the memories returned to him.

Coldness.

Sinking.

Giles forced his eyes open and frowned.

Sleep, it looked like it, would not return to him tonight.

Slowly, he extracted himself from the bed, careful not to wake Ardiana. She had had a long day of doing nothing but help him in the preparations for the year’s Winter Ball. She deserved the deep slumber. He watched as her chest rose and fell in a steady and even rhythm. Then he realized that he had been staring, and he smiled, and he felt himself grow warmer at the thought of being captivated by her even at her most vulnerable. Giles reached out towards her, lightly caressing her cheek, tucking stray hairs behind her ear. She looked exquisite.

He pulled up the covers over her before he made his way to the table near his window where he usually kept the stronger liquor.

It had been a while since had dreamed that dream.

He was seven when it had happened.

The Crawfords were hosting a week-long party in their lakeside villa to celebrate their twins’ seventh name-day. It had been the talk of the entire Court months before it had even happened, and when the invitations were finally distributed and one found its way into Lord Christophe’s hands, Giles had been more than ecstatic. He and the twins, Leo and Alyn, were as close as brothers and the idea of spending a week with no tutors or training had excited him. He had been unable to talk of anything else and had been beside himself with joy until finally he had burst through the Crawford’s large oak doors to be greeted by none other than the twins themselves. Louis and Sid, then called Lloyd, had followed after the twins and after much excited talking and abrupt planning, they did what seven year olds did best during a sunny winter day.

They had played in snow.

It had started with running. A lot of running. As far away from the villa as was possible. And all it took was an offhanded remark and the races had become snowball fights and from there they began making forts. It had snowed overnight according to the twins and there was much material even for a bigger than life snowman, or three. When they were too tired to do anything else, they panted and they teased and they laughed, oblivious to any sort of obligation except those that needed immediate attention. Like hunger. Only when Alyn had declared he was ravenous (and they teased him for using such a word) did they began their march back to the villa.

What made the Crawfords’ lakeside villa  the ideal place to host winter parties, and the envy of the entire court, was because it stood at the perfect distance to the edge of a huge lake. Short enough to walk but far away enough for anyone who desired to be painted with a picturesque view. At the other side of the lake was a forest, where game was plenty, and the eastern end of the Sierra Madre, which perpetually covered in snow and acted both as a scenic display during sunrise and a breaker against harsh weather.

Not that any of this mattered to children then. But as they thought of fireplaces and warm cocoa, and how they could sneak an extra cookie or two before dinner, they had to pass by the lake. And Giles Christophe, seven years old then, with his head full of dreams and his soul untouched by heartache, had paused to take a good look.

He had been to the villa numerous times before but never during winter. He had stared at the vast frigid expanse, captivated by the stillness that had now replaced the boats and the people and the birds. He could still remember watching a hawk dive in at incredible speeds before soaring back to the sky with game in its claws. But this memory of the hawk did not belong in the winter and at that specific moment, with their coats and their boots and their gloves and scarves, there had been no signs of life. Only quiet. Only tranquility. As if someone had placed a blanket of white to mourn the death of a landscape.

The change had looked eerie to him.

Part of his brain had told him that there was still water underneath but when all he could see was endless unmoving blue and black lined by white streaks, it had seemed impossible. He had wondered if any animals were even able to break through the ice to fish or if the fish underneath were still alive for that matter or if they were as frozen as the surface.

If there was moving water at all, only nature and common sense verified this -a tiny voice in his head - because to the young Giles, the frozen lake was not just a lake.

It was a yawning void. It was an empty night sky. And he had stood on the edge and imagined himself dancing over the horizon.

How much insight or precaution could a seven year old child be expected to carry? Enough to know the difference between a wasp and a bee, of course. Enough to know which stone would fit well into a slingshot. Enough to know the perfect weight of a perfect snowball for a perfect shot. Enough to know about the myths and the gods and their funny and complicated relationships with mortals. Enough to know that one shouldn’t fly too close to sun.

Or skim above the surface of a void for that matter.

And he was Giles Christophe. He knew all this and more. He wielded a sword when his peers could only jokingly poke with sticks.  He was the eldest child of their family; heir to the Christophe name; favored student and talented protege. And though he was just seven, he was told that he would become a knight one day and serve the crown valiantly like his father, and his father’s father before him, just as all Christophe sons had done as far back when the First Kings had no names and the old gods whispered to men in the trees.

Much was expected from him.

But he was young. Far too young. Tales of his future valiant deeds were nothing more than stories told to him before he went to sleep; promises of glory and duty and service the crown could hold his attention for only as long his tutors spoke of them, forgotten instantly the moment another topic was brought up. And though he might be a Christophe, and he was being shaped rigorously to fit into the future envisioned for him, Giles was still like all children his age.

For one, he had never been shy about exploring the world around him.

“Don’t.” Louis had said even before Giles could voice the idea that had formed inside his mind.

“Don’t what?” Giles had asked, changing course and heading towards the edge of the lake. He had then squatted down and brushed his hand over the ice. Nothing had changed. Only the depth of the lake stared back at him. He then pressed both hands down, and for a brief moment, he had thought he could feel the water moving, a slow rhythmic pulse underneath his palm.

“I’ve never walked on this much ice before.” Sid had confessed, crouching beside Giles.

“It’s not easy.” Louis had added with a solemnity that only a seven-year-old could do. “You could slip anytime.”

“I don’t slip.” Sid had scowled.

“Father says the ice is frozen enough to walk on last night.” Leo had taken a confident leap towards the lake. He wobbled for a second but then stood proudly with his hands on his waist.

“How did he know?” Louis had asked, dubious still.

“You measure it by sticking in long sticks.”Giles had replied, remembering how he had watched the servants in his home pierce the frozen rivers with metal poles.

“Eight inches is perfectly good for standing on.” Alyn sat down with a loud plomp at the edge.

“That’s almost a foot of ice!”

“Yeah.” Leo had said. “Which makes it safe.”

“Ice is never completely safe.” Louis had cautioned.

“Let’s go back already.” Alyn had whined. “We can explore more after we’ve eaten.”

But Alyn’s pleas had not reached his friends, at least not Giles in particular. Giles had already made up his mind. He took a step. And then another. Half of him expected it to be slippery or that he would lose his balance at first like Leo had. Thankfully, his feet had stayed where he placed them. Sid had followed suit, and Louis could only sigh before resigning himself and joining Alyn on the snow.

“I call a dare!” Sid had suggested. “The person who gets further away from this point gets all the dessert!”

“What’s tonight’s dessert?” Giles had asked.

Chocolate cake.”

“I’m in.” Leo was already walking away with determined steps.

“Idiots.” Louis had tried to reason but then what was caution really to a band of brave seven year olds?

Leo, Sid, and Giles  began moving away from land, inching their way cautiously on the ice. Sometimes they slipped and sometimes someone was shoved and they would laugh at their own frightened yelps before moving on.

Thoughts of prudence were only at the very edges of Giles mind. He kept his eyes on the ice most of the time, reminding himself of what his father taught him, but the entire dare had been a thrilling and different experience. He had begun imagining himself as having conquered the endless black void. The thought had made him giddy; it was as if he was ready to glide on a pitch black night sky.

It had felt surreal.

Thus with each foot further away from where they started, the frozen lake looked more and more inviting, and less and less a perilous black arena.

It had seemed almost like a fairy tale.

Almost.

Leo had been the first to back out. “Actually,” He had said, stopping in his tracks. “We should all go back. The ice doesn't look as thick here.”

“Coward!” Alyn had taunted from the back. Leo had smoldered from where he stood but did not move.

“Yeah, I don’t like this either.” Sid had said, much to the rest of the group’s surprise. “Giles, don’t take another step.”

“Not gonna fall for it.” Giles had shot back, stepping forward with purpose.

“Don’t be daft!” Louis had shouted from the edge, standing up.

“Not even Father went this far.” Leo had explained, turning to Giles. “Let’s go back.”

But Giles was never one for turning back. And even as a kid, he would not voluntarily give up his dessert. He had looked from Leo to Sid, motioned towards Alyn and Louis,then said, “We haven’t even walked more than a few feet!”

“Don’t be stubborn.”

“Well this better not be some sort of trick.”

“Let’s just go!” Leo had insisted.

“Not until you forfeit!”

"You stubborn ass.” Sid had said.

“I’m being practical.”

“And an idiot for chocolate!” Sid had pressed, turning back and heading for the edge.

There had been a moment of indecision. Giles had watched as Leo and Sid started to inch their way back towards safety. Then he had glanced back at the white expanse behind them - at the trees and the shadows and the mountain. He looked down at his feet, at the ice, at the darkness below, and then he took a step.

“Giles, what are you doing?” Alyn’s anxious voice had cut through the chatter and the others turned to look at him.

“Giles, you moron!”

“That’s far enough!” Leo had warned him. “Come back!”

But Giles had not listened. Instead, he had continued walking on the frozen lake just as he had been taught; cautiously and unhurriedly, checking the ice before putting in his full weight. He continued until he could no longer hear Sid’s or Leo’s warnings, or Alyn promising him two slices of cake. Twice he had thought of stopping and turning back but the memory of his father’s expectations made him remember the myths that he had been taught; he remembered what he knew and who he was, and how he was bound for great things, and this prevented him from listening even to his own inner reason. So he had continued until there was only whiteness in his vision and stopped only when he was certain that he had walked farther into the lake than any other of his friends could ever dare.

He turned back to them and waved.

A hushed silence first greeted his success. And then Alyn had whooped, with Louis and Leo clapping for him. Sid had shook his head and raised his hands in defeat but he had been smiling.

Giles had grinned back. And he had felt a surge of emotion in his chest, a warmth that started from his heart and spread throughout his body. It felt good. It felt delightful. It could have been the best memory that Giles could ever have of what little good memories there were left.

But then it felt cold.