#sorry. my standards are too high. i need to exercise understanding and patience

[vulturevanity]

I am NOT shaming anyone for this because doing it at all is a huge undertaking but the animation snob demon in my head is eating my brain and I have to say it or else I die. But it's always a bit obvious when an artist decides to create an animatic while being entirely unfamiliar with the principles of sequential art.

And I hate that I care about this. Why does it matter if an otherwise very good animatic made out of love for a story looks like a slide show. Why do I have to be this pretentious and picky. The art is beautiful. The editing is perfectly serviceable. Why can't I just appreciate something for what it's trying to do and how do I stop immediately noticing every flaw in everything I look at.

[ziamslaysposts-blog]

How Do You Define Love in This Day and Age?

A primary goal for so many human beings revolves around relationships, companionship of some kind involving romantic love. It's human nature. We are social beings and not meant to exist alone.

Think of the times you have been 'in love'. Isn't it just the most euphoric feeling ever! I've never done any kind of illegal drug (in this society I don't know if I should brag about that or not want to admit it J), but I have experienced some legal drugs while in hospital to manage pain and would think the 'in love' feeling would rival any 'high'. Okay, love can be painful too but that's not the direction of this article so bear with me.

The dictionary defines love as 'an intense feeling of deep affection'. That's pretty general. I don't think there is any one definition of love. I think love is defined by each individual. And when it comes to wanting to attract a mate, the kind of mate you will attract depends on how you define love and live that definition.

Do you define love as what you want from people who love you, or what you have to give as love to another? Do you know who you are on a deep level, especially your purpose, personal standards and boundaries? Do you love yourself first before loving another romantically?

These are all questions to consider in your definition of love. In fact, I think it would be wonderful for a couple getting married if their vows to each other included each of their definitions of love. Of course, this definition should be known to each other well before the ceremony; can't you just picture the couple standing before the altar defining their version of love for the first time. Suddenly a jaw drops, eyes get huge, hands are dropped, he/she says, "Well, that's just not acceptable!" and walks off down the aisle alone. Can't you just picture the looks on the faces of the minister and guests? Sorry, just had to take a 'humor' digression.

Right. Love is 'an intense feeling of deep affection', however we all express love differently. So perhaps it's our expression of love that we need to define. How do you express love?

I'll go first. I like to use bullet points rather than flowery language (but nothing's wrong with flowery language), so it will be brief on words: Loyalty, patience for the deeply important things, humor, willingness to compromise, forgiveness, developing a 'sense' for partner's feelings, sharing, freedom, respect partner's boundaries, trust (but if it's broken then it has to be earned back), openness and honesty, taking care of self and continual growth, understanding (no one is perfect), tenderness, keeping my word, dependability, listening, skillful communication. I know there is more, but these are the traits that are at the top for me and in no particular order. These are things I 'give' as love to a romantic partner and when I look at what I receive from him most of my list is returned.

What you should do: Romantic love relationships are complex, but to begin with just this simple exercise of defining 'love', what it means to you, can be the beginning of a shift in the kind of person you attract in your quest (your goal) to have a wonderful romantic partner. Spend some time thinking this through. Your Assignment: Rather than first making a list of the traits you want in a partner, list what you are willing to give in a relationship; in other words, your definition of 'love'. Now watch things change for you.

Check out information on נערות ליווי from here.

[ramblingalexfinallywrites]

Hi! I saw your latest post and oh my, both Iida and Kirishima are my favorite charaters so I definitely had to send in this ask! Could you please write a scenario (is this what is it called? It's my first time requesting on such a blog :') What I mean is the...'Short-story thing') about how either (or both - separately, though!) of them would encourage / motivate a s/o who feels stressed and unmotivated? Tysm! Sorry if it's unclear, and take your time! 💕🌸

[2/2] Oh oh yeah also for the previous ask, you can write HCs also if it’s easier for you!! Tbh anything goes, tysm! 💕 - [ ‘Short-story thing’ anon]

Hello! Since you’ve asked for two characters, I think I’m going to go for HCs just because I think it’ll be a bit smoother. Enjoy, and thank you for your patience!

P.S. IDK what they’re called X’D In my other fandom we exclusively call them “imagines” but over here the term seems to be “scenario?” I think it pretty much encompasses anything that’s not headcanons or a specific type of fic like a 5 Times/1 Time fic or a songfic. I’m so happy this is your first request!!! Please feel free to drop more my way, if you want to! I hope you like them :)

Iida Tenya

Honestly, Iida gets it. Between his parents and his own high standards, he has a lot of stress on his mind that he doesn’t necessarily let show.

So when he finally asks you why you’ve been seeming so down, he completely understands where you’re coming from.

He offers to keep you company every time you have to study, both to keep you focused on the task at hand and to be there in case you end up needing a hug.

He’s the best at pep-talks, and he tries especially hard for you because he loves you and wants to see you succeed. He knows how dark the internal demons can be, and he wants to protect you from them just as fiercely as he would protect you from any villain.

He actively talks to you about the future when you’re just hanging out together. He tries to get you excited about all the wonderful possibilities that the world has to offer once you’re done school. He knows that you want to see more of the world and that you want to help people, and he gets you to talk about what your aspirations are both as a hero and as a person.

He’s not a person who falls in love easily, and he’s started to talk about his own future as it fits in with yours. He’s serious about you, and your mental health and well-being are important to him as someone he’s going to forge his future with.

Kirishima Eijiro

Kirishima feels for you, he knows what it’s like to get bogged down with your own expectations for yourself, and he knows how badly that can be aggravated by setbacks in everyday life.

He promises you every day that he’s there for you whenever and however you need him. If you need to take a mental day and pull back from him, he’ll leave you alone. If you need him to hold your hand while you try to make it through your homework, he’s right there next to you and he’s got your favourite snacks to boot.

He’s so good at praising you for your successes. He knows that even little comments on those kinds of things can be a huge help on a low day, so he makes sure that you know how proud he is of you when you rock a training exercise or when you ace a test.

He talks about being heroes a lot. He’s got his aim clearly in sight; he’s going to be like Crimson Riot and no one can tell him otherwise. He knows you have your favourite heroes, too, and that you already know what kind of hero you want to be, and he is endlessly encouraging of your direction.

His favourite way to frame it is “When you’re a hero like…” so that you know that it’s a “when,” not an “if.”

He’s a big hugger, this one. Whether he sees you having a hard time or breaking down barriers and bettering yourself as a person and a hero, he gets all misty-eyed and pulls you in for a big old hug, murmuring into your ear how proud he is of you and how amazing you are for pushing through everything your brain and life throws at you.

You’re actually a big inspiration for him, who still deals with these kinds of problems himself. You’re one of his biggest heroes, and he’s so happy that you get to live your dreams together.

I hope that was alright, darling! Thank you for your request!

[jspark3000]

How can I talk to my friends about my struggle with mental depression & wanting to hurt myself without having them freak out/push me away/see me differently/treat me like a leper/see me as a problem they don't want to deal with/etc? I've heard the statement "oh if they're true friends they won't do that" but like, a lot of people don't understand mental illness & it's a p scary thing to them and I get why they might react poorly. Any advice? Also, any advice for depression in general? Thank you!

Hey dear friend, thank you for these very, very important questions. Please know that I’m neither a doctor nor certified professional of mental illness, and everyone’s struggle is different. But here’s my attempt at finding our way through your questions. 

I’ve also written a book on fighting depression that addresses what you asked: https://www.amazon.com/How-Hard-It-Really-Is/dp/0692910360/

To answer your first question: 

The truth is that most people will be alarmed when they hear about your depression and suicidal ideation. There’s never an ideal reaction to a confession. Like you said, mental illness can be a scary thing, and it’s absolutely understandable why someone would pause and need a moment to take it in.

I used to expect some kind of perfect reaction when I confessed my stuff to friends, but the majority of people have never really been taught how to respond to mental illness. There isn’t some movie montage where everyone hugs and high fives each other once they know your dark secret. Even the most loving people in the world don’t react that way; your therapist who you pay money to won’t react that way. True empathy takes time, patience, and many painful conversations. And in fact, if they weren’t alarmed, I’d have to wonder if they even cared.

I recognize this is not a popular opinion and that many will disagree. I cannot speak for every situation and I’m sure I must be wrong for some of them. But as a person who’s struggled with depression for a lifetime, here’s something I’ve learned about friendship: To expect complete and instant understanding from your friend is to demand an empathy which you’re not willing to reciprocate. Can we not empathize with the reality that our friends have misconceptions about mental illness which are not their fault, but have been inherited by false cultural narratives? 

If your friend is shocked or aghast about your depression, please don’t write them off too fast. Maybe they just don’t know better. Maybe it’s too much to handle in one sitting. It might take longer than one sit-down to really absorb the whole thing, and I think we can make room to allow for adjustments.

This goes for any confession: There’s this romantic notion which permeates our culture right now that you better accept this brand new information about me immediately or you’re dead to me, but we need to have grace for people who simply don’t have the faculties and resources to see where we’re coming from. 

We have been falsely trained to believe that mental illness is a hostile alien parasite, and it will take a lot of dialogue on both sides to really meet in the middle. For a while, initially, your friends might treat you and me differently. I only hope we don’t over-interpret that as villainy or treachery. 

Of course, I’m always on the side of the suffering. I’m not some sorry apologist for friends who mistreat you or leave. To hell with them. If they do leave, good riddance. But some of your friends, unfortunately, will leave. It’s bound to happen. It’s not right that they do, and I would never endorse abandonment, but it will happen. 

I was once bitter and angry when friends left. Now I understand that it doesn’t always mean they’re bad people: it means they aren’t meant to be your friend for the long haul. It doesn’t excuse that they left, but it does explain it, and I don’t have to stew in anger. Consider the words of Andrew Solomon, who wrote Noonday Demon, the seminal work on depression, when he talks about how difficult his friendships are:

“Depression is hard on friends. You make what by the standards of the world are unreasonable demands on them, and often they don’t have the resilience or the flexibility or the knowledge or the inclination to cope. If you’re lucky some people will surprise you with their adaptability. You communicate what you can and hope. Slowly, I’ve learned to take people for who they are. Some friends can process a severe depression right up front, and some can’t. Most people don’t like one another’s unhappiness very much.”

To answer your second question, Any advice for depression in general?— 

Try everything. Medicine, therapy, hobbies, church, exercise, EDMR, that new Mario or Zelda, Magic the Gathering, D&D, the Groupon for a free salsa dance class, Parks & Rec, Futurama, Brooklyn 99, making pottery, baking pies, that cheesy book club, that self-help group, the museum, the art gallery, that weird pub around the corner, that night out with your friend who keeps begging you to go to: just go. Those of us with broken brains need new experiences, new connections, and consistent, solid routines to live, laugh, and learn. Many of these things, I’ve found, are not merely just antidotes to mental illness, but the very point of living in itself. I’ve had to surrender my depression to people outside of me who forced me to get up, put on human clothes, and go through the motions of people stuff. I hated it the whole time most of the time. But I’m glad they made me go. I’m glad they cared for me when I could not care for myself. I thank God for them.

— J.S.

[lenajade1212]

How to Manage Hormonal Eating

Ok, I'm going to get a bit personal here, but I'm sure all the women who read this post will appreciate the sentiment. When I go through PMS, it's like the gates of hell have been opened. Nothing satiates me and nothing makes me feel better. Everything could be going perfectly in my life, but when that week comes, all I can think about is leaving my sweet life behind and running off to join the circus. I want to change everything in that week, and everything I once thought was great, fails to measure up to the "code red standard of excellence". My husband's not good enough, my job isn't good enough, my performance isn't good enough, my body, my looks and in the end, me. I become not good enough. 

In the week running up to my period, all hell literally breaks loose. Everyone has to run and take cover because one wrong move or comment will completely set me off the edge into hysterics. My poor husband probably braces himself for the impact that's to come. Not only am I a pain in the ass to live with for him, but I can hardly stand myself. I feel as if I want to crawl outside of my skin and run as far away from myself as possible. But alas, there's no escape. Sounds like fun, doesn't it?

People joke about PMS, unless you live with a woman who gets it bad. Then all you want to do is hand out gold medals for all the people enduring such thankless, god awful week without going completely mad themselves. I feel for my husband, I really do. I know what I'm doing and I know how I'm acting, but I just can't seem to stop. I am a woman out of control. Slamming cupboards or locking myself in a dark room is child's play when it comes to some of the behaviours or actions I've engaged in due to severe hormonal fluctuations. No amount of evening primrose oil or black cohosh has helped to rid me of my PMS misery. I have tried supplement after supplement and eating regimen after eating regimen. I've cut out every food from my diet that could potentially make PMS worse, and nothing makes a difference. 

Not only am I riding an emotional rollercoaster, but I'm HUNGRY. An old friend once called it her "hunger week". I don't get hungry for a whole week, but the two days leading up to the grand finale, I'm insatiable. Not only am I hungry, but I'm indecisive about what I want to eat (shocking I know). I feel bad about how my body looks, which can cause me to turn to food for comfort, but at the same time I don't want to eat anything in particular. Some women crave chocolate or fatty foods. I seem to crave nothing and everything at the same time. I mostly just want to eat out and not cook. So, with a whole week consisting of high and low emotions, negative self-image and wanting to eat everything and nothing, it's easy to fall back into old habits that last longer than just that week if I'm not careful. 

I know I'm not alone when it comes to hormonal eating. It's different from emotional eating because chemically there are things happening inside your body, it's a combination of physical mixed with emotional. I've learnt how to manage the way I eat or view my body when I encounter times of intense emotions or triggers that set off emotional responses, but when it's physiological, it's a whole new ball game. Being able to decipher when you're going through PMS and how it affects your body image and the way you eat is the first step. If you know you're going through PMS and it's causing you to overeat, it's very important that you seek to understand what's going on and be aware of what could come up. 

Many women over consume or binge eat during this week. Even though your emotions seem heightened, their actually plummeting to the floor. This is what causes you to feel low and turn to food. Not only are your hormones playing a role in increasing your hunger, but mood fluctuations contribute to the eat everything party too. It's important that you're proactive during this week, no matter what comes up. If you let yourself binge on sugar all week, you're going to carry that craving into the next week, and the next week, and the next... Be mindful of what you eat and how you eat during PMS. Sugar is addictive on it's own, and if you over consume one week, it's going to be hard to kick that craving in the weeks to come. What can you do to make sure you're going through PMS as effortlessly as possible when it comes to managing your appetite and emotions?

Here are a few things that have helped me:

Make sure you keep healthy snacks on hand for times like these and always always always be aware that you're eating for reasons other than being truly hungry. My go to's are hummus and veggies, apples and nut butter or hard boiled eggs and avocado toast.

Eat foods high in fibre and low in salt and sugar. This can lessen the pain and discomfort that can accompanies PMS.

Drink lots of water. This can help with bloating and skin clarity. 

Exercise everyday, especially the day you actually get your period. This will help to eliminate cramps and will help to drain your lymphatic system. It will also elevate your mood by releasing endorphins.

Get out in the sun, and if it's winter, get out for some fresh air. This can also help to elevate your mood. 

Try different supplements that help with PMS. None have worked for me, but there are many different ones out there with research to back them up. Do a little research and see if anything resonates with you.

Try not to rise above your emotions, but to sit with them. Go into what you're feeling and let yourself feel it. We try so hard to push emotions away instead of being with them and trying to learn what's going on. We mask emotions with food, shopping, sex, gambling, but it doesn't help us in the end. Learn what your emotions are trying to tell you and decide how you're going to respond.

Have some alone time. Especially if you feel like you're going to blow up at loved ones that don't deserve it. Remove yourself and anyone in your line of fire by taking time for yourself to go through what you need to go through in those moments.

Learn to be ok with saying "I'm sorry". I've had to apologize countess times for saying or doing something I wished I wouldn't have because of my emotions. Learn from your mistakes. If the same situation arises next time, you'll be able to respond differently. Realize that this is a work in progress and ask your loved ones to have patience with you.

Have people around who you can vent to and who understand what you're going through. 

Spend time in prayer or meditation to calm your mind and spirit when you feel agitated. Work on deep breathing and ask for help when you feel overwhelmed. 

Sometimes just knowing that you're not alone in what you're going through is comforting enough. I have long felt inclined to research hormones and learn more about treating PMS because it has so greatly affected me. Exercise is a great way to let off steam, increase feel good endorphins and take time for yourself. Just another great reason to sweat. 

I'd love to hear your feedback! Do you experience terrible PMS? What have you done to make it more manageable? Please leave your comments below. Thanks for reading!