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#sorry why do i keep making these depressing
doromoni · 3 days
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Not Over the Papaya | OP81
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⊹ 。•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• 。゚
Ships : Oscar Piastri x Popstar! Reader , Ex!Lando Norris x Popstar! Reader
Genre : Fluff Smau
A/N : Tooth rotting fluff coming ur way~ no angst for this chapter hihi enjoy!
Face claim : Jennie Kim
Song: So this is love - Brandy, Paulo Montalban
Summary : Y/N and Oscar cope with their own breakups by making the Heartbreak Club.
Masterlist | Series Masterlist
< Previous | Part 13 | Next >
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Y/N. 3mins
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story replies
markwebber Oi! my feet blur that!
Y/N. get in the bloody car first old man, we still need to fetch 2 more idiots
markwebber Ok fine, tell osc I’m driving us
Y/N. he said sure. NOW GET DRESSED
markwebber ok ok give me a sec
Y/N thank youuu 🫶
Y/bf Ohhh who’s that? he’s hot! 🥵
Y/N. He almost 50 and he’s MARRIED with KIDS
Y/bf Maybe they need a new stepmom
Y/N. GIRL. NO
Y/bf. I’m joking! I’m waiting for Lewis Hamilton … that man could take me. ☺️
Y/N. Y/bf I swear…
Y/bf Ok i’m serious about that ~ I’ll let Lewis ruin my life
Y/N. and i’m sure he’d be lucky to have you, crazy and all
Y/bf hell yeah I’m a catch 🤗
Y/N. you’d be a bigger catch if you went to Australia with me
Y/bf I have to a shoot for my movie you gremlin. I’m sure they cant film when their leading actress is half across the earth
Y/N. ik ik~ goodluck babe! Ughh im so proud of youuuu 🫶
Y/N. 8mins
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story replies
charles_leclerc wth?? You’re all together??
charles_leclerc why wasnt I invited?
charles_leclerc Y/N! answer meeee
maxverstappen this is so weird Y/N 😅
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Y/N. 1m
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story replies
oscarpiastri I see mom had shown you the albums huh?
Y/N. You looked so cute my luvv 😭 I’m crying
oscarpiastri I do look cute 🤷‍♂️
Y/N. URGH I want to squish ur lil cheeks . I’m having cuteness aggression. I never realized how blond you are 🥺
oscarpiastri yeah, I kinda outgrew it
Y/N. what if we dyed ur hair??
oscarpiastri Baby, I love you but NO
Y/N. I h8 u, go play video games with the other guys~ ur mom’s spilling so many things bout you 😛
oscarpiastri Nooooooooo
charles_leclerc Osc looks cute
Y/N. Ikr??
charles_leclerc Yes… now why am I not invited to go to Australia???
Y/N. 🙊😬
charles_leclerc Y/Nieeee Whyyyyyy???
charles_leclerc Hello?????
Y/N.
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liked by oscarpiastri, danielricciardo,logansargeant, and others
Y/N. I wasn’t depressed, I just needed some sun…. or somebody’s son
oscarpiastri Mama said you could keep me 😌
nicolepiastri NO returns, @Y/N sweetie.
Y/N. No returns… I have some concerns 🙂‍↕️. I feel like he loves Sally better than me.
oscarpiastri That was my childhood room dear!!.
Y/N. that doesn’t explain the huge af cut out 😀
nicolepiastri yeh, he begged for that one.
danielricciardo Ok where are my photo creds tho???
Y/N. Oh.
danielricciardo this is intellectual theft Y/N!
Y/N. Ok fine i’m sorry! Thank you for the most amazing, revolutionary, and inspiring photos taken by @danielricciardo
danielricciardo That’s better. Ur very welcome
logansargeant I didn’t come here to be bullied!!
Y/N. who’s bullying you our precious bbq sauce enthusiast
logansargeant I- ok that’s a step up from ranch. I’ll take it.
charles_leclerc I repeat. WHY WAS I NOT INVITED?!
oscarpiastri ur not Aussie
charles_leclerc Ok??? Logan is American and Y/N too
oscarpiastri right.
Y/N. Sorry kinda forgot about u 😬
charles_leclerc unbelievable! i’m so hurt 😭
Y/N. sucks to be u, cry about it on ur yatch
charles_leclerc Maybe I will! and none of you are invited
Notification : Alex added you to “ Charles the drama queen”
Notification : Alex added Oscar to “Charles the drama queen”
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Extra A/N: Singer!Oscar ran in my mind all week… so fuck it Singer!Oscar.
Also! may I offer my playlist for the one and only~ Oscar Jack Piastri 😗
Series Taglist : @champagneproblems17 @itsjustfranzi @cheriwritesig @forza-charles @awritingtree @sltwins @gr1mes-cc @hwalllllllelujah @btsfluffsworld @tillyt04 @landotd @booksandflowrs @czennieszn @thatsouthernblondewiththeass @tellybearryyyy @wobblymug @alittlechaotics-blog @bingussthirdtoe @mirrorball-6 @demandealalune @heartsforleclerc @yoongi-holland @maneskin-slave @alenix @forensicheart @bloodyymaryyy @stereading @hahahjej @youre-on-your-ownkid : closed
Maintaglist : @myescapefromthislife @peterholland04 @charlottef1 @fangirl125reader @mel164 @gnarlycore @chloelovesln4 @vickykazuya @merchelsea @ln4author @qzmef @nxk1309 @styl1shl1v @lottalove4evelyn @gr3yhues : closed for now
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A Guiding Hand 8
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No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.
Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, parental neglect, depression, inference of self harm, violence, abuse, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.
This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: your online academics are affected by your personal struggles but your professor won’t let you give up so easy.
Characters: Raymond Smith, Lee Bodecker in the background
Note: I am tireddddd.
As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.
Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.
I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖
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Professor Smith dresses you in a set of pajamas; white with blue stripes. They’re not your size, you assume they might be his. You’re not sure. You’re too woozy to think about much more than your throbbing hand. 
He lays you in the hotel bed as you shake uncontrollably. You’re freezing cold but he keeps touching your forehead and saying you’re burning up. How can that be when you can’t get warm? 
Your lashes flutter between glimpses of him pacing and sitting on the edge of the bed. When all is dark, you see his shadow beside you. His breathing suggests he’s asleep but you can’t tell. He’s up again as a halo of light shines around you. The lamp limns his figure as he pets your cheek. 
“Sweetheart, shh, you’re alright,” he coos, “no need to cry.” 
You’re crying? Why? You can’t remember. Your mind is a bubble of fractured thoughts and vague scenes. You can’t make scene of much between the visions of this man. 
“Fever’s broke,” he lays a wet cloth over your brow. “Very good. We’ll be off in the morning, won’t we?” 
“Mom?” You murmur in confusion. 
“Mm, let’s take one step at a time before all that, yes?” He caresses your cheek with his thumb. “Back to sleep.” 
He shuts off the light and you’re cast into grim blackness. His weight jostles the bed and you feel him spread out next to you. The bed is more than large enough for you both. 
“Professor,” you croak weakly. “What’s...” 
“In the morning,” he girds. 
You accept it, “sorry.” 
“Never be sorry,” he reaches over to squeeze your arm lightly.  
You lay in silence. Your eyes close on their own. You are completely drained. You sink down into a solid void that suffocates away all light and life. When you awake again, you’re alone. You might think it was all a dream if it wasn’t for the bright hotel walls. 
You remain as you are. You don’t have the energy to get up. You lift your hand and look at the bandage wrapped around it. It feels better and your fingers aren’t swollen. You bend them. It still hurts. 
The door opens and you drop your arm. You squeak at the pain. 
“Sweetheart, is all well?” Raymond rushes over, a tray in his hand. “I was only meaning to fetch some of the complimentary breakfast before we depart.” 
You blink and shake your head, “fine. I’m... fine.” 
“I hope you like coffee--” 
“Coffee?” You whimper and close your eyes. “Coffee...” you mutter. “I went to get coffee and...” 
“Yes, that fiend meant to attack you. You see, I did not come without purpose. How could I sit back and see you neglected?” 
“You don’t... I don’t know... you.” 
“Hush, hush, you must be hungry,” he insists. “It is good to eat. You are weak from the infection still. You must take care--” 
“My mom--” you look at him. 
He sucks in air and his jaw tenses. He steels himself and his fingers twitch. “Yes, a woman who allows her own daughter be abused.” 
“She... she couldn’t stop him--” 
“She should not bring the beast home with her,” he snips. “Please, you would not survive in such an environment.” 
“Why... would you come here?” 
He exhales and his eye bats, as if he can’t control it. “Why wouldn’t I after what I witnessed? Then you would not answer. I had half a suspicion you were dead.” 
“I’m sorry, I... didn’t mean to worry you but... it’s not your problem.” 
He hums and set the tray on the night stand. He offers a cup of coffee, “are you so used to being forgotten that you cannot accept kindness?” 
“No, it isn’t... I’m sorry.” 
“And the apologies. No need for it. I am not admonishing you. I am merely offering advice.” He takes your good hand and makes you take the cup. “There is much more you need to learn than accounting, I gather.” 
You frown and look at the dark coffee. 
“If you prefer milk or sugar, I grabbed some of each,” he explains and gestures to the tray. “Of course, you shouldn’t drink that in bed else you might stain the sheets.” 
“Oh, yeah,” you push the blankets back and move carefully. 
The pajamas brush against your stomach and you look down. You’re reminded of the day before. Naked in the tub. In front of him. You’ve never been so exposed before. You slump your shoulders and go to the table and sit. 
You look down at your burnt hand and bring up to examine the bandage again, “thank you...” you raise it higher. 
“Certainly. And who wouldn’t see to the festering infection? Are you not concerned that not even your own mother cared for that matter?” 
“Can we not talk about her?” You sniffle and rest your hand in your lap. “You should take me home.” 
“Home? That is no home. Now, you should eat. Keep your strength up so you can heal properly.” He girds. 
You nod and take a cautious sip of coffee. You’re still reeling, maybe even slightly delirious. You set the cup down again and lift your chin. You look at his neck, not his face. 
“Why?” You ask. 
“Why...” He echoes as he sits across from you. 
“Why help me?” 
He takes a packet of sanitizing wipes and uses them to clean the cutlery. You watch his diligent work. Everything he does is precise and purposeful. And cleanly. He seems to detest the thought of dirtiness and yet you can only feel like filth next to him. 
“Well, it should be a question, should it? It is humane. Decent. So, I shouldn’t need to name the reason for it.” He lays down each piece before he sets to claiming a muffin, then a scoop of the scrambled eggs, and strips of bacon with sausage too. “Though if you insist, I will give one. Firstly, let us underline that point. What you need, what you want, I would be more than willing to supply, but then, circle around to your query; why should I help you?” 
He takes the rest of the cutlery and wipes it then hands it to you. He makes you up a plate as he continues, “you, sweetheart, have great potential. I’ve seen it. And that would be spoiled all for a poor foundation. Now that is not your own doing, mind you, you cannot help where you come from, and more admirably,” he sets the plate before you, “you were fighting against it and so I only thought to lower the ladder for you.” 
You blink and focus on the food. You’re not very hungry. You feel slightly queasy but you would hate to be ungrateful. All these questions already make you feel so.  
“Thank you,” you croak and make yourself look at him. “Really...” 
You don’t know how to say it. You already feel pathetic and you don’t need to sink further. No one’s ever been that concerned about you. No one ever tried to help you. Most people just laughed, called you names, or pushed you down themselves. 
“Please, don’t trouble yourself very much, eh? I have the means to help. It would be selfish not to. A sort of passing the torch. I wasn’t born to wealth myself, or peace. Life can be a war on its own,” he gives a gentle smile beneath his thick beard. “Oh, and I did take some clothing from your home before our flight. I was able to use the hotel laundry. It should suffice, though I hardly trust their cleaning staff.” 
“Yes, sir,” you answer. 
“Raymond, please,” he corrects you. 
📓
Professor Smith, or Raymond as he insists, drives you across the city. He turns in the car at the rental place then leads you into the train station a block away. He’s patient, not hurrying you, and he pays for your ticket and his. You feel guilty for the expense. 
As you sit and wait on the platform, you fidget. You chew your lip and curl your fingers, the burn stinging beneath the bandages. 
“Are you well?” He checks in. He does every now and then. 
“Um, yes...” you look at the tracks, “I’ve never been on a train.” 
“A first, very exciting,” he muses. 
You nod and let your eyes wander. You’re nervous but too much to ask what makes you so. He moves so his leg is against yours. 
“Your hand?” He prompts. 
“It’s feeling better,” you assure.” 
“Very well.” He sits back and puffs out through his nose, “we will go to my home. You can recover there and when you feel up to it, we will go over your last assignment and see you through the course--” 
“Professor-- Raymond,” you sputter as you face him. “You don’t have to do all this.” 
“I am not a man who does things he doesn’t wish to,” he replies. “I’ve explained myself enough. It is unacceptable to me to let you return to where I found you. I couldn’t allow you in such an unsafe circumstance. Especially after what I witnessed.” 
“It-- he just yelled, that’s all.” You murmur. 
“Is that all? He had nothing to do with this?” He points to your hand. 
You shrink and shake your head. He clucks. 
“You are honest and so you are a poor liar. What I saw was more than yelling, sweetheart. You will not convince me otherwise. I know, this is a peculiar situation, but it is your way out,” he says, “tell me, you never thought of it.” 
Your lack of response is enough of one. Your eyes are hot, and your mouth is dry. Your leg jiggles restlessly. 
A lull rises as the chatter of others rolls through the platform. Soon, you hear the whine of metal on metal, and a bright beam shines from the tunnel. The train speeds through and grinds to a stop.  
You follow Raymond’s every move. When he stands, you stand. As he grabs his bag, you go to do the same but he has it in hand first. He gestures you ahead of him. You reluctantly approach the train. 
“The second from the front,” he instructs from behind. “I’ve our tickets.” 
You follow his direction. You’re good at that. As a professor, he’s just as good at giving orders. As you approach the waiting attendant, he reaches around to hand over the tickets. The woman in her uniform tears of the ends and hands them back. 
You step onto the small metal footstool and then climb the stairs of the train car. You pause as he puts your bags into the netted caddy near the front. He urges you on with another point and recites the seat numbers. You find them and stare at the row. 
“Would you like window or aisle?” He tucks away the tickets. 
“Mm, what do you like?” You ask. 
“Please, have the window. You did say it’s your first,” he insists. 
You duck your head and sit. He lowers himself next to you and slips a bottle from inside his jacket. He pops the cap open and offers it quietly. You glance over at the sanitizer. You don’t want to be rude so you put your unbandaged hand out. He dollops it into your palm, then his own, and puts it away. 
He rubs his palms together and you sanitize around your bandage and your uninjured hand. You sit back and look out at the platform. He’s a very stringent man but you might only think so because you’re used to no rules at all. He’s thorough too. He seems to think of everything.  
You look at him but think better of asking what you want to. He catches your glance before you can turn back. He shifts toward you, leaning on the outer armrest. 
“Go on,” he urges, “you can say whatever you need.” 
“Sorry, it’s nothing.” 
“Please,” he opens his hand encouragingly. 
You drop your eyes and wet your lips. You’re going to sound so dumb. “Do you really think I could... I could do something? Like you? Like... like... accounting?” 
He chuckles softly. It’s not mocking or mean. It’s soothing. 
“I do believe so,” he says. “You needn’t fret. Let yourself time to heal, then all that will come after.” 
You sniff and sit back. You don’t know if you agree with him, but you’ll try. That’s all you can do. It’s what you should do after he’s gone to all this effort. 
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jujutsubaby · 3 days
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after hours (part 10)
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☆ pairing: satoru gojo x afab!reader ☆ summary: studying at the library is sooo fucking stressful. especially when your final is next week. gojo promises to help you study, but you guys get into other shenanigans instead... ☆ tags: modern au, babysitting au, academia au, threesome au ☆ warnings: oral sex (m! receiving and f! receiving), eating it from the back, exhibitionism, choking (on dick) ☆ a/n: HI GUYS SORRY IVE BEEN SOOO MIA work is crazy (it’s beating my ass) and life is so hectic (also beating my ass). i’ve been trying to have a hot girl summer but i assure u i’ve been nonstop thinking of one shots and new plot points for my fics and new ones too so once the seasonal depression kicks in it’s gonna be over for everyone ! ok enjoy :3 sowwee it took so long once again!! 🙏 ☆ wc: 6.7k+ 🖤🤍 series masterlist 🤍🖤
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if there was a time in the past when you said the hong kong coffee milk tea you had been drinking did nothing to keep you awake, you sincerely take it back. your brain felt it first, halfway through sipping on the matcha oatmilk latte satoru had brought for you. and then came the uncontrollable leg shaking and the pounding in your head that could only be satiated if you continued to drink from your matcha, although now that wasn’t doing much either. 
you snuck a quick look at satoru, who was initially banally transcribing his notes onto his cheat sheet for the final, now animatedly talking through bell’s theorem to nanami and haibara and you (before you zoned out). haibara was rapid fire questioning satoru’s mini-lecture, talking a mile a minute as he tapped his pencil at an unnatural pace on the desk. you look over at nanami, who’s staring at satoru with a thousand yard, wide eyed stare, and realize you all were caffeinated beyond recovery. 
the pounding in your head got louder and louder, until it drowned out the noises satoru and haibara. water. you need water. your mouth is too dry. you make eye contact with nanami, and as if he read your mind, he wordlessly reaches into his backpack and hands you his blue hydroflask. you take a swig. and then another. and then you’re chugging the entire bottle like your life depends on it (you think it does in a way). 
the pounding in your head fades just as you empty his water bottle. your vice grip on it turns your fingers white and you try to pay attention to what satoru is lecturing about. 
“see, the thing about heisenberg’s uncertainty principle is that the more localized the momentum-space wavefunction is, the more likely the particle is found in those values, which by the way, are just fourier transforms of each other…”
what the fuck? uncertainty principle? fourier transforms? those weren’t on the final last time you checked. you quickly pull out your study guide and try to find any mentions of whatever satoru was talking about. you find bell’s theorem (wasn’t he just talking about that? how did he switch topics so fast, and so randomly for that matter?), but no mentions of heisenberg. you turn back to satoru and realize he’s just talking nonsense quantum facts from the top of his head, regardless if it was even part of the class (perhaps as a result of being too wired from the triple shot latte he’s been sipping on). 
oh, you need to stop this before everyone gets confused. “satoru, wait, is this even on the final?” if he heard you, he doesn’t let you know, as he continues on his monologue without missing a beat, now talking about quantum computing and turing tests. those aren’t even remotely related to the class you guys are studying for! “satoru! stop talking, jesus fuckin’ christ, dude!” you shake his shoulder, jolting him back to reality as he stops talking and looks over at you confused. 
“what? why? did you have a question about what i was saying?”
“yeah, what the fuck? none of that is on the final, what are you even talking about? how do you know, like, all these random physics facts from the top of your head?!” you ask incredulously. 
satoru shrugs and looks at you like you’re the weird one for questioning him. “you don’t?”
“not everyone studied applied physics in undergrad and graduated summa cum laude, gojo-sensei,” haibara quipped, still writing down some notes from satoru’s monologue in his notebook. you quickly swat his hand away from writing down any more. 
“stop writing what he just said haibara! it’s gonna confuse you when you’re actually studying for the final.” you frown, leaning over to move his notebook away from him. 
“what is it do you think we’re doing right now, y/n, if not ‘actually studying for the final’?” nanami says, emphasizing what you had just said. when was the last time he blinked? 
“none of us studying right now because we got too fuckin’ wired from the coffee. where did you guys get this battery acid anyway?” you say, taking another sip from your matcha, against your own will. 
“philz…” satoru says. 
you scoff. “philz?! and you got a triple shot there? how are you alive right now? how are all of you alive right now? why the fuck would you get coffee from philz and not riko’s like usual?!”
“i’m not feeling alive.” haibara chimes. 
“i’ve been having an out of body experience for the last thirty minutes,” nanami informs, too calmly for your liking, if you’re being honest. 
“suguru told me if he saw my face at riko’s today, he would poison me in my sleep.” satoru says, running his hands through his hair in slight frustration. his legs are restless and so are yours. 
“okay, well, it doesn’t matter now because we are never gonna feel normal again. this is our life. anyway, i think we need a break.” everyone nods their heads. “m’gonna go on a walk around the library and fill up your water bottle, nanamin. anyone wanna join?” you get up from your chair and wordlessly, satoru gets up to accompany you. 
as you two exit the study room, the change of scenery allows your eyes to adjust to reality and your brain to think of something other than physics, which unfortunately is the deal you made with satoru before walking into the study room and getting wired beyond repair. you decide that while you’re not opposed to blowing him right now, you’re not bringing it up until he does. you look over your shoulder and see satoru following silently behind you and you lead him to a corner of the library, where the water refill stations and bathrooms were. 
as you’re filling up nanami’s water bottle, satoru breaks the silence. “should we be worried about nanami and his…umm…out of body experience?”
“aww, you care about nanami, don’t you?” you coo, giving satoru a sly smile. 
“if you’re trying to insinuate that i’m in love with him, then you’re right, i am. why else would i secretly stick on post-its with penises on the back of his notebook?”
“you’re the one doing that?!” you turn your head to satoru to shake it disapprovingly and sigh. “he’s been haunted by those wretched things for weeks, satoru! he’s been thinking some girl’s been sexually harassing him!”
you watch him cackle with laughter and shoot him a dirty look. “stop laughing, satoru!” you say, but you’re a hypocrite because you’re also laughing at the situation. “promise me you’ll– shit!” the water overflows from the water bottle as you pour the excess out and seal the cap on. 
“c’mere,” satoru says, leading you somewhere deeper into the library. 
“anyway, i don’t think we need to worry about nanamin,” you say as you turn the corner and enter a narrow aisle. “i think he just needs to drink water and touch grass or talk to someone that isn’t you.”
“yeah, maybe…” satoru says, as he leads you to another random book aisle, clearly no longer paying attention to you. 
“hey, where are we? what are we doing here?” you take a look around at the books around you. greek mythologies? “why are we in the greek–”
your question is cut off by satoru’s lips crashing into yours and his arms pulling you flush against his chest. satoru leans down to your height and tightens his grip on your hips. caught off guard, it takes you a moment to register what was happening before you leaned into the kiss, deepening with opening your mouth and letting his tongue in. the kiss is urgent, hurried, clandestine – stolen in an empty library corridor in the greek mythology section, of all places. aphrodite would be delighted, you think. 
you take great pains to not moan into satoru’s mouth in the quiet of the library, but a stifled sigh sneaks out regardless. you feel satoru’s hands slide down to your ass and squeeze, as you use the hand that’s not holding the hydroflask to run your fingers through his undercut, earning a muffled groan from him. he leans down further and lifts you up slightly so that he can shove his legs between yours and move your hips on them. the friction of your clothed core meeting his knee catches you off guard as you drop the hydroflask. it clatters on the ceramic tiled floor of the library and echoes loudly across the library floor. 
shit. shit. satoru and you immediately break off the kiss the second the sound rings and you quickly scramble to grab it before it starts rolling to where people are within view. “shit, shit, shit!” you whisper frantically as you fumble to get the water bottle. your face is hot and the pounding in your head is back, begging you for more caffeine. your heart feels like it’s about to go into cardiac arrest for the same reason, but the fact that you were secretly kissing your best friend did not help. 
“jesus fuckin’ christ, why are those things so fucking loud,” satoru says, his eyes scanning the neighboring aisles to see if anyone was there. 
“why did you knee my clit?” you challenge back in a hushed whisper as you set the hydroflask down on the floor. 
“well i had this insane idea that you would like it.” satoru mumbles. you have no interest in arguing with him any further, figuring the best way to beat the pounding in your head was to grab satoru’s sweatshirt and pull him closer to you and continue. with both hands free, you’re able to kiss him and grip his hair to deepen the kiss again. 
this time, satoru slowly moves his hands down to your ass and pulls you right against his rock hard bulge of his own arousal. you sigh deeply at the contact, and buck your hips towards his erection, but missing due to the awkward angle. satoru breaks off the kiss in favor of littering your neck with soft butterfly kisses. 
“you know, i do recall someone saying they’d blow me in the library…” satoru says in between kisses. his lips feel the soft vibration of your groan and he chuckles against it. “you don’t have to, by the way, if you don’t want to. i don’t wanna–”
“what if want to?” you ask innocently, flashing your eyes at him coquettishly as you push him back and use the hair tie on your wrist to quickly tie your hair back. you slowly sink to your knees. don’t think about how hard the tiled floors are here and just focus on giving him insane head so he cums fast and you get back on your feet. you feel a bit bad thinking that, because you do really want to give him head, but also you’re a woman in your late 20s suffering from joint pain, which was embarrassing in itself. 
you push your thoughts of your knee pain on the ceramic tiles aside and start to palm his hard erection through his pants. satoru holds back a groan and throws his head back and holds your wrist and moves it to his belt. you undo it effortlessly, and pull down his pants and underwear, unveiling his well endowed erection in front of you. fuck, it’s so huge. 
your hand grips him lightly as you lick a long stripe from the base to the pink tip of his shaft. at the top, you give him a small kiss before your mouth slowly envelopes it, licking it so as to lubricate your mouth for deepthroating him. you slowly go down on him further and further, until you feel him at the back of your throat, before you start bobbing your head back and forth. satoru hisses under his breath as you full take him in and start sucking him off rhythmically. 
you feel his hand reach the back of your head and grip your ponytail, helping you control the pace to his liking. the warmth of your mouth and skillful maneuvers of your tongue are sending satoru faster to the edge than he’d like to admit, and he grits his teeth to keep himself from spilling within minutes of you starting the blowjob he’d been thinking about since you mentioned it. 
“fuuuck, just like that…” satoru hums deeply. the tip of his cock bullies the back of your thorat, causing your mouth to gag and clench on him. “damn, you love this shit don’t you? deepthroating me in the library where anyone can walk in? where anyone can see how much of a desperate slut you are?”
satoru’s dirty words turn you on more than expected, especially knowing anyone could hear him. you feel yourself getting soaked thinking about the potential chance at someone watching you. what if it was toji? wait, what? how did that thought make you even more wet? thankfully, your moans are muffled by your mouth engulfing him. satoru increases his pace, and starts to fuck your face relentlessly, chasing his high. 
just as you were choking on his member, satoru abruptly stilled his movements inside your mouth. your eyes widen, hearing muffled movements nearby and try to remove yourself from his cock, but satoru keeps your head firmly on him via the vice grip on your ponytail, which was slowly coming apart. the muted sounds slowly got quieter and quieter, until they were gone completely, at which point satoru resumed his mouth fucking. 
“i bet if i felt you right now, you’d be dripping,” satoru whispers breathily. you whine against him, knowing he’s right – your panties are completely ruined. satoru swears under his breath, and you feel his thrusts get sloppier as you feel his cock pulsating as he gets closer to his climax. you help him reach it by using a hand to lightly cup his balls, a trick you learned from an ex-boyfriend of yours, which turns out to be successful. 
“f-fuck, gonna cum in your mouth, yeah?” satoru asks, and you moan in response, vibrating against him. you feel hot ropes of cum shoot down your throat. for the second time today, you don’t let a single drop go to waste. you swallow his cum clean, and lick one last stripe across his cock, as you let him go with a lewd pop. 
 you wipe off some spit on the back of your hand as satoru makes himself decent while catching his breath as fast as possible, leaning against the bookshelf to do so. satoru reaches out his hands lazily to help you get up from your knees on the hard floors, which crack while you stand up. he pulls you closer to his chest as he leans on the library bookshelf, and leans forward to kiss your mouth. you kiss him back briefly before pulling away and checking your phone. “shit, we should go, people might notice that we’ve been gone for way too long…”
satoru rolls his eyes as you grab his hand and lead him down the various aisles he took you through, dropping it only when you caught sight of some students nearby. you cross your arms as you think of how you blew two guys in one day which is not only a new feat for you, but also, kind of annoying that you didn’t get anything in return both times, even though you understood why toji couldn’t. 
“somethin’ troubling you, baby girl?” satoru asks, nudging your shoulder.  
“oh, what? no, why would you ask that?”
“because you blew me like a minute ago and you’re completely silent. and your arms are crossed and your eyebrows are doing that thing they do when you’re annoy–”
“oh my god, okay i get it!” you say with exasperation, not wanting to hear him characterize you this accurately. “and yeah, whatever, i guess i’m a little miffed, but it’s not a big deal.”
“did i do something wrong?” you hear a hint of genuine concern in his voice. 
“oh my god, satoru, no, of course not…it’s just…” you feel the heat rise to your cheeks. all of a sudden, you’re feeling shy and meeting satoru’s eyes is a pain so you keep them downcast and cross your arms to your chest even tighter in an effort to self-sooth. 
“if it’s embarrassing then i’m sorry, you have to tell me or else i’m gonna be so fuckin’ annoying about it.”
“you’re already so fuckin’ annoying about everything, first of all. and fine, if you must know…” you find the courage to turn your head up to him. “i blew like two guys today including you and do you know how many times i got the favor returned? zero. ZERO!” you felt petulant voicing your concerns this wantonly. 
just as you expected, a shit eating grin forms on satoru’s face. “well, why didn’t you say so? you know i’d be more than happy to help that disparity for you.” hearing him tease you about eating you out has you more hot and bothered than you’d like to admit. 
“promise?”
“promise. once we get the fuck outta here, my mouth is yours, baby girl.” 
“don’t call me that!” you say, grinning as you both approach the table where you left shoko to study on her own. you are surprised to see utahime sitting next to her whispering something in her ear, and shoko shaking in silent laughter. 
“oh my god, this bitch…” you say under your breath as you stride towards her desk. so rich of her to tell everyone to shut up when utahime is allowed to say all the jokes in the world. utahime notices you first and her face brightens as she gives you an enthusiastic wave, only for her face to immediately sour when she spots satoru right behind you. 
“you can at least pretend you’re excited to see me ‘hime,” teases satoru. 
“do not call me that.” utahime seethes before turning her attention back to shoko and you. 
“what? you can giggle all you want with utahime but not with us?” you tease shoko. 
she rolls her eyes. “i’m on my break, dumbass, look!” she turns on her laptop to show you the 15 minute break timer that has long since elapsed. you look over at utahime and ask her what brings her back to thel library. 
“ugh, literally only because shoko is here. otherwise, i’d never step foot back at this place after graduating.” utahime frowns. you remember how you and shoko attended utahime’s graduation ceremony for education master’s last year, which was mostly you and shoko trying to figure out discreetly if utahime was into girls. 
the four of you hover around the table and speak in whispered voices and muted laughter, slowly losing track of the volume of your voices. eventually, at some point, everyone is speaking in normal talking voices in the quiet library, all while being blissfully unaware of the dirty pointed looks being given to you guys. 
“gojo, what the fuck kinda coffee did you get me, also? me and utahime have been sharing it and we are forreal tweaking off of this,” shoko complains, shaking the empty coffee cup. 
“it was philz.” you answer for satoru. utahime and shoko’s eyes widen in disbelief. 
“are you trying to murder us?! why didn’t you go to riko’s?!” utahime yells, in a higher than normal level voice. 
“i literally cannot have this conversation again,” satoru says, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples. 
your conversation is interrupted by a short stocky man, who you infer to be a library monitor wearing an official looking university sweater vest. “you folks are way too loud. we’ve gotten multiple complaints about the noise levels on this floor. this is your first and last warning, or you all are out.” he says sternly. 
“wait, sorr–”
“no excuses, ma’am. just please be silent from now onwards, or there will be consequences.” he interrupts you curtly before walking away from the table. the four of you don’t speak, until satoru breaks the silence.
“why’s his voice like that? so nasally?” he said the last part as nasally as possible, mocking the library monitor.  
“you’re so mean!” utahime says as you cover your mouth so she doesn’t see you wordlessly laughing at the admittedly mean imitation. 
“who’s so mean?” you turn to see haibara returning to the table with nanami behind him. 
“obviously it’s gojo.” nanami says without missing a beat. he eyes his water bottle in your hand and you give it back to him. “why did you guys take so long to get water? our reservation elapsed, so i guess we’re here now.”
heat rushes to your face and you feel like a deer caught in headlights. you’re too stunned to feel relieved that nanami’s eyes are looking less bloodshot and more normal. “oh uhh, we were just…”
“we did a lap around the library, nanamin. had to blow off some steam after all that physics, ya know?” satoru says, putting emphasis on that word. if you weren’t with everyone, you would’ve kicked him hard. 
nanami cocks an eyebrow in confusion while haibara doesn’t have a single thought behind his eyes as he readily accepts satoru’s answer. “oh wait! guess what we found while packing our shit up from the study room,” haibara says excitedly. 
“haibara, i really don’t wanna–” nanami starts. 
“we found another penis post-it note inside his textbook. how about that?” haibara says with much amusement. 
“oh my god! no way! do you still think it’s the mysterious girl from physics lab?” shoko says, eyes widening and voice slowly rising. haibara nods excitedly, and you shoot a dirty look at satoru from the corner of your eye, only to see him relishing the conversation. 
“yeah, there is this girl who always wants to partner up with nanamin-chan during lab. it’s gotta be her.” satoru shamelessly fans the flames of a wildfire of his own making. 
nanami pulls out a chair and buries his face in his arms, but the blush creeping up to his cheeks did not go unnoticed by anyone. “or, radical idea, it’s some girl sexually harassing me.” his mumbles. 
“okay, pack it up fellas. i said there’ll be no second warning, so all of you, OUT!” the library monitor takes all of you by surprise as none of you see him coming. “the next time i catch all of you talking loudly at this library results in suspension for the rest of the semester!” he says as you all quietly grab your stuff and leave the library wordlessly. he follows you guys until you’re outside in the crisp evening air and concrete steps of the library entrance. 
once he leaves, you allow yourself to freak out. “oh my god, are we gonna get suspended?! they can’t suspend us for this, right? god, i should’ve known you bitches couldn’t shut the fu–”
“jesus christ, y/n, chill. they just say that shit to scare you. this is like my fifth time getting kicked out of this library.” satoru says nonplussed, hands in his pockets as he leisurely descends down the stairs as the rest of you follow him. 
“thanks though for throwing us under the bus like that, y/n,” shoko says, rolling her eyes.
“is no one going to bring up why gojo is getting kicked out of libraries this much?” utahime asks. 
none of you answer, mostly because no one wants to know the answer to it. satoru’s smug smile is planted permanently on his face as he winks at utahime, and she gags. “anyway, what’s everyone doing? should we get dinner together?” haibara asks warmly, zipping up his jacket. everyone looks at each other and agrees. 
“oooh, let’s go to that new thai place downtown!” you suggest, pulling up your phone to look at the hours. 
“i’m down, let’s pick up suguru on the way. he’s at riko’s.” satoru responds, his information on suguru’s whereabouts earns a “ooohhh” from everyone. 
“he’s still there?! oh my god, he’s in love with that girl…” shoko says. 
the six of you take a walk to riko’s cafe, which is slowly closing up for the night. usually, you wouldn’t walk into a place if it was just five minutes before closing time, like you are now, but you figure it’s a special exception since one of your best friends is crushing on the owner. the lot of you inconspicuously make your way outside the cafe glass walls, trying to catch suguru and riko…doing what? you’re not entirely sure but shoko said something about seeing suguru in his “natural habitat”, and all of you agreed (you blame the caffeine). 
you crouch down and peer into the cafe to see suguru helping riko wipe down tables and stack up chairs (basically anything that requires heavy lifting). damn…that’s cute. may be love really is worth it. your breath hitches in your throat and you jaw goes slack when you see suguru lean in close to riko and kiss her tenderly. you, shoko, and utahime exchange glances with each other with wide eyes and you hear nanami say something about how we are invading suguru’s privacy. the trance this intimate and now stolen moment is broken as satoru bangs his hands against the wall loudly, scaring the lot of you and suguru and riko inside. suguru looks absolutely flummoxed, while riko immediately steps away from him and pretends to inspect something in the barista area. 
you hear satoru yelling through the glass. “open the door, lovebiiiirrdss!” he jiggles the door a couple times to open it but it’s locked. suguru comes closer to open the door and he looks like he’s going to summon curses to obliterate him, and frankly everyone else. 
“man, fuck you. what did i say? why are you here?” suguru says immediately after opening the door to satoru. he gives a disappointing stare to nanami and you. “honestly, i expected better from both of you.” 
nanami tries to defend himself with little to no avail while you focus on making it up to him by talking about thai food. “sorry, sugu, but let us make it up to you. dinner at that new thai place?”
“can riko come?”
“no!” utahime says out of nowhere. it’s silent for five seconds. “i’m just kidding, hehe. of course she can come!” she says sweetly. shoko is the only one who laughs. utahime’s timing in jokes were always questionable but at least she’s really pretty. 
suguru finishes putting up the last few chairs and goes to the back to let riko know about dinner plans. he and her disappear to the break room, and appear three minutes later with their bags and coat. they meet you outside and you notice suguru’s feet are restless, and his hands can’t find a proper place to rest. 
“you good, suguru?” you ask. 
“y-yeah, all good”, he says, pushing his bangs back. 
riko giggle. “he had one too many cups of coffee today.” him, too? “don’t blame him though, they were on the house.”
“oh, okay, great, so we’re all wired as fuck right now.” shoko remarks, as she puts an arm around utahime. 
“you guys got coffee? when? i didn’t see you guys stop by for anything?” riko questions, thinking back to customers that stopped by today. 
everyone is silent, not wanting to embarrass suguru for the second time in ten minutes. “uh, well…” you start. “satoru got us the coffees today!” you say, passing the ball to his court. his problem now. 
satoru shoots you daggers, not feeling fond of being put on the spot to come up with a quick lie. “oh, yeah. uh, i got it from…philz. because…”
“because you hate me and want me to die?” riko says without missing a beat. 
“because, uh…the barista…on main street…i’m sleeping with her. that’s it. my bad, riko-chan.” you don’t know what’s more shocking: the fact that you can’t tell if he’s lying or the fact that riko believes him so easily. 
riko thankfully drops the subject and everyone moves on to different topics, from haibara asking satoru more information about the hot philz barista and utahime sharing amusing events from teaching high schoolers this week. the group of you bask in the crisp and cool evening air as you walk leisurely to the thai place downtown, which was a nice walk away. once you guys arrive, you are met with the sunday night dinner line, which is awful to say the least. your heart deflates knowing you won’t be able to try this place and you and haibara start to look at other places for dinner before riko interrupts the both of you. 
“oh, don’t worry about it. i can get us in, gimme a minute.” she says, before squeezing past a bunch of people waiting in front and greeting the server at the front. the server seems to call someone over from inside the restaurant, and a middle aged man with salt and pepper hair and prominent laugh lines comes out, and his eyes light up when he sees riko. 
riko laughs and gives him a quick hug and starts talking to him about something and then gestures over to you and your friends. after a while of standing awkwardly, riko finally looks over at your group and motions you all to follow her. as you step into the restaurant, you’re met with romantic low lighting, roses as a centerpiece of every table, and various trinkets related to thai culture hanging on the wall and shelves. the place reminds you of somewhere your parents would take you to as a child after getting good grades in class, and it leaves you feeling nostalgic. 
you’re led to a corner of the restaurant where a waiter was quickly pulling two tables together to hold your party. “right this way,” the man says, extending his hand out to the table that was being set up in front of you. 
“thank you so much for having us during a busy night,” nanami says, bowing his head slightly in respect. 
the man laughs heartily. “oh, anything for riko-chan over here. we business owners gotta stay together, anyway. welcome!” you take a seat on the booth side of the two tables, with shoko sitting next to you and satoru taking the seat directly in front of you. “please let me know if there's anything you need during your dinner. my name is joseph!” you take a quick look at his name tag and as expected, see a silver tag engraved with “JOSEPH J” with his ownership title under it. what a sweet old man. 
your thoughts are interrupted by a slightly painful kick under the table to your shin. without looking down, you know in your soul who kicked you, and his stupid ocean eyes are looking directly at you as he mumbles a quick sorry. you waste no time in kicking him back, but earning no response in return. this begins a long game of footsies underneath the table between you and satoru. while trying to keep up with the conversation at the table, your short legs struggle to reach his, and you keep missing his feet. on the other hand, satoru easily dodges your feet and playfully kicks yours under the table (what is he? twelve years old?). 
you’re responding to something suguru and utahime said, when satoru uses his legs to spread your legs forcefully apart. you stutter in the middle of your sentence before gaining your composure back, and you feel the heat rise to your face. satoru’s foot inches closer and closer to your inner thigh, and you quickly finish your sentence, before taking large sips of your water. shoko gives you a look, internally asking if you were good to which you wave her off. 
“uh, i think i’m gonna use the bathroom, be right back,” you say, abruptly getting out of your seat and beelining to the restroom. you don’t actually need to use it, but you need to catch your breath after how easily satoru spread you apart and toyed with you under the table. you rinse your mouth with the tap water and fix your hair in the mirror when you hear a rap at the door. 
you open it and are met with satoru barging inside and locking the door. 
“satoru what are you–” you’re interrupted for the second time today with his lips as he kisses you deeply, his tongue immediately asking for access and you granting it too easily. “w-what are you d-doing~” you say in between sharp breaths and satoru kisses your neck and grips your ass hard. 
“didn’t you say you needed to cum? i’m helping you out,” he says as he feverishly leaves kisses all over your neck and brings his hands up to the hem of your sweater. he deftly slips his hands under your sweater and it takes everything in you to hold back a gasp has his fingers trace every part of your torso and eventually creepy up to your covered breasts. once his hands brush past your erect nipples, you let out a soft moan, inaudible in any normal circumstance, but satoru hears the vibrations through the lips attached to your neck. you can feel him smirking against your neck as he doesn’t let up with his small pecks. the last thing you want to do is give him the satisfaction of making a noise in the bathroom, but your resolve is short lived. 
satoru’s hands abruptly leave your chest, and make their way down to the buttons of your jeans. he fumbles with the zipper and you use the opportunity to run your fingers through his hair and leave small kisses on his temples. something about him taking you in the bathroom turns you on immensely, and the only way you can stop yourself from grinding against the air is to keep your mouth preoccupied. 
“y’gotta stop squirming, baby,” satoru says through ragged breaths, “can’t get these goddamn pants off you when your hips are grinding against my touch.” you feel a blush creep up to your face. you didn’t even know you were doing that. you thought you were actively keeping your hips stilled. 
“i am keeping still,” you whine. “if it’s a skill issue then just say that.” you tease, and egging him on works because once the zipper gets unstuck, your jeans practically fall down your ankles. you bend down to try to get them off completely without having to take off your shoes (you wouldn’t be caught dead in a public bathroom, even a nice one like this,  without your shoes), but satoru already has something else in mind. 
he spins you around and bends you over the granite counter, your cheeks burning from the shock of coldness of the stone. you breath is jagged as you feel satoru hook his finger to your panties and pull it down, feebly pooling by your ankles. you feel exposed as he hugs the mold of your ass and spreads it apart, but even you can’t help but feel your wetness drip down your inner thigh. you feel satoru’s hard-on press against you, and you try to will the fabric between the two of you to disappear so you could feel his length teasing your entrance.  fuck, there’s no getting out of this. do you even want to get out of this? not really…
“s-stop, satoru, we-we have t-to go b-back,” you protest, even though your legs betray you by spreading wider in anticipation of what will happen. 
“yeah, that’s why you’re practically dripping right now, right?” satoru says, his voice slightly strained. he kneels so he’s eye level to your dripping wet pussy and entrance. his mouth practically waters in anticipation of tasting you for the first time – something he’s been dying to taste since…god he doesn’t even know how long he’s been wanting this. 
he wastes no time plunging his tongue as deep as it can go inside your entrance, and he moans at the taste of you. at the same time, your eyes roll back in the pleasure of it all, your moans no longer being held back. using both hands to hold your hips in place and spread you apart, satoru continues his assault on your pussy, not leaving any part untouched by his tongue. you feel yourself out of breath already, and pushing back against his face, trying to feel the friction on your clit. 
satoru seems to catch on, and releases his hold on your hips with one hand and snakes it around you. his fingers find their way to your clit, as if he’s had the path memorized in the back of his hand. he starts rubbing your swollen bundle of nerves, earning breathless moans from you. he already came earlier today, but the sight your legs splayed our and pussy exposed in front of him is enough to make him burst just as hard. 
“fuck, feelin’ you clench against my tongue, baby,” satoru says, still drawing small circles on your clit. “gonna cum? this is what you’ve wanted for so long, haven’t you?” 
he’s teasing you now, and it’s sickening how that edges you on even more. your pussy clenches harder as his tongue re-enters you, and you know you’re going to spill any minute. the coil tightens inside your lower stomach, and you feel the familiar build up about to burst inside you. 
“nghh~ sa-satoru haaa~” you say in between breaths. “m’gonna cum…” 
“normally i’d make you beg but you’ve been such a good little girl for me today,” he says, maintaining the relentless pace of bullying your bundle of nerves. his tongue returns back into you, just in time for the coil to release inside you, and you clench uncontrollable against his mouth. your legs shake as satoru continues his ministrations until he senses you’re out of breath. 
your face feels damp as you try to catch your breath from the orgasm that ripped through your body. satoru stands up and leans against your bent over body, his breath on your skin tingle. he gives you a quick peck on the back of your neck, before you feel his hard-on against your opening. 
“a-are you gonna fuck me, now?” you ask in between breaths. you’re not sure if you could even take him in your fucked out state, but you weren’t raised a quitter. 
satoru chuckles softly against your neck before standing up straight. “i’d fuckin’ love to, but you look really roughed up. don’t wanna let people get the wrong idea here…” he teases, and your head immediately shoots up to look at the state of your appearance. 
your hair is shooting in all different directions, baby hairs and all. your eye makeup is slightly smudged, mascara creating slight racoon eyes. you gasp at how quickly and carelessly you allowed yourself to get this fucked out, all from getting eaten out. “satoru! what the fuck did you do?!” you exclaim, feebly trying to lift yourself off the counter. 
satoru helps you up but frowns. “the fuck did i do?”
you frantically try to smooth your hair down back to it’s original state, but the flyaways still remain, and the humidity of your activities in the bathroom is slowly adding to the frizziness of it. fuck, you’re so screwed. “you…you bent me over! and…” you struggle to find the words to accuse him with. you know it’s not his fault or yours, but you need someone to blame right now. 
“and what? gave you head? and then the best orgasm of your life?” he smirks, watching you as you put your pants back on. 
“don’t flatter yourself. that was nowhere near the best orgasm i’ve ever had.” you say, making eye contact with him through the mirror, as you wet a paper towel and skillfully try to remove any evidence of running mascara from your face. 
satoru raises his eyebrows. “damn, really? guess i just have to keep on giving them to you until one of them is.”
your heart practically leaps out of your chest, and you feel another familiar wetness pool down in your panties just thinking about what this could possibly entail for you.
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agentroz · 10 months
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Monday, November 13 -- #OOTD: Come up with five significant full outfits from your character’s wardrobe/life and describe them in detail. 
Warnings: Body image issues, objectification, sexual harassment, misogyny, references to murder (not described)
Dispatches from Disguises and Alibis, 1983-1984
Agent 100:
Enclosed you will find your materials for your upcoming mission. please see that they are returned in a timely fashion.
-D&A
Date: 16 February 1983 Mission Location: Manchester, UK Target: Redacted Contents: Nurse's uniform (dress, stockings, shoes, headpiece)
Roz runs her fingers over the starchy blue material, standard-issue for women in the profession. There's an accompanying headpiece that Roz can't imagine serves a medical purpose as well as some white stockings and nonslip shoes that seem much more practical. There's an irony to it, the way this uniform is supposed to be for people who save lives instead of ending them. But the target deserves it, Roz is certain, and she had better act fast before he can cause any more misery and suffering. She slips the syringe into a hidden pocket in her uniform dress, takes one last look in the mirror, and goes outside to await her transport to the hospital.
She almost freezes when the doctor gives her an up-down look. Does he suspect something? Is she going to bungle her first solo mission?
And then she realizes. No one's ever looked at her that way before. She thought she'd like it more.
Date: 10 July 1983 Mission Location: Palma, Mallorca Target: Redacted Contents: Bikini, sarong
HQ must have made a mistake. There's no way this minuscule bikini was actually meant for her. There's an accompanying floral sarong (and thank goodness for that, because Roz needs somewhere to hide the knife) but it barely covers anything, and Roz feels entirely exposed. Not in the way agents are supposed to be— she knows her story backwards and forwards— but she's acutely aware of the curves of her body, the way she seems to spill out of the thin material. Like that cheesy old song about the yellow polka-dot bikini— except this is a turquoise one, with little strings that tie in the front.
When she raises this with the handler, he shakes his head. "No, that's correct," he says, double-checking the notes. "It's perfect, actually. the less you're wearing, the less likely anyone'll suspect you're hiding anything. And, I mean, it'll certainly distract the target. Why, have you got a problem with it?"
Roz shakes her head. She wants to be a good agent, a good killer. She can put up with some men staring at her ass. How hard can it be?
Date: 29 August 1983 Mission Location: Atlantic City, New Jersey Target: Redacted Contents: T-shirt, khaki shorts, crew socks, fanny pack, trainers
A scratchy cotton T-shirt, a pair of khaki shorts, a fanny pack, and some chunky New Balance sneakers. Another resort town, but this time Roz isn't bringing men cocktails on the beach, she's standing watch outside Caesars Palace pretending to take photos. Another agent leapt at the chance to go into the casino and carry out the deed, and Roz didn't think the handler wanted to give it to Roz anyway after the near-disaster that was Mallorca.
She feels much more herself, standing here and blending into the scenery. Until she hears a man yell something vulgar— and as much as she'd like to pretend otherwise, it's definitely aimed at her. Despite her training, Roz flinches. The man's far away, and he's already set his sights on someone else, but she feels a twinge of fear.
She doesn't understand it— she's always thought she was so good at blending in. Is it the shorts? Are they too short? Does it even matter, or will they just find a way anyway? Maybe it's the seedy nature of this boardwalk, or the fact that it's so late at night... Roz is quite good at cracking codes. She's sure she'll crack this one.
Date: 31 December 1983 Mission Location: London, UK Target: Redacted Contents: Evening gown, pearl necklace, pearl earrings, pearl hairpin (poison dart)
Roz doesn't like this dress either, but she doesn't say anything about it. She's one of the newest, youngest recruits, after all, and she still hasn't forgotten about Mallorca. She doesn't think anyone else has, either. So she sucks in her stomach and squeezes into the shiny blue Gunne Sax dress and pretends to like the way it hugs her curves and dips low in the front. The full skirt leaves plenty of room, anyway, for a concealed weapon, though all she really needs is the little pin that's going into her teased blonde hair. That's where the tranquilizing poison in, which will perfectly set up her associate for the kill.
She establishes herself in a quiet corner, hoping, as usual, to blend into the scenery. An older woman brings a martini over.
"All these young girls, made up like street whores. All clamoring for the same kind of attention." the woman snorts, which confuses Roz. They all looked like they followed the same instructions from HQ that Roz followed. And through her cat-eye glasses, she can see plenty of them looking less-than impressed with the men who seem to want their attention. And yet nobody's commenting on them.
She just nods, though, instead of disagreeing, because she is supposed to blend in.
Date: 20 February 1984 Mission Location: Cambridge, UK Target: Redacted Contents: Biohazard suit
Roz feels safe behind the big bright biohazard suit, her face barely visible, every inch of her body covered. Not just from the fumes in the lab, but from the other technicians as well. Until she doesn't. And that's when she realizes: there is no code to crack. Because it's not about clothes, or bodies. It's about something else, and it's forever.
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dont-offend-the-bees · 4 months
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Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.
#I've sort of made a new friend? Like we met at the same art group and he's also trans which was like pleasantly surprising in our small town#but like. We have Differences Of Opinion#and it's not totally his fault because it sounds like he's had a Lot of bad shit in his past that's obviously made him wary and closed off#but like. He's slightly older than me (only 4 years) and keeps blaming a load of his problems on other trans folks?#like you know the type. The like 'all these nonbinary/other identities the kids are doing are complicating shit'#the 'it hurts to see people younger than me inc. kids get hormones thrown at them when I still can't get 'em' (which... yeah not even true)#and he's told me himself he doesn't engage much with the queer community bc it's too 'toxic'#and like. I can absolutely understand why he could've had some bad experiences esp. since he has some mental health shit going on#but he wants to be friends bc he doesn't know anyone else going through the medical shit and it's like. Yeah no shit you don't?#you decided the community you'd find them in is toxic? and that people in them are doing being trans wrong?#and I think if he was just some guy online I'd like roll my eyes and ignore him#but he's a real person in my vicinity and I feel fucking bad for him#and I can see how much self loathing he has and how much that probably informs the bullshit#like he told me he thinks that trans men and cis men are fundamentally different categories and trans men will never be cis men#but not in a 'the experiences are just different and come with different perspectives way'#in like a self defeating way. Like a I just have to settle for being a trans man way.#and it made me SO SAD#like bro#I'm so sorry for whoever the fuck made you feel like you're fighting an unwinnable battle#and I want to be a friend to him. I want him to feel like there's other queer people out there and there's friends and hope#but also I genuinely could see him being the kind of person who would get really angry at you for no fault of your own#like I already get the distinct feeling he resents me a little#like obviously not too much since he still wants to hang#but he's been trying and failing to get HRT for years and I got it super quickly basically by sheer luck/a doctor who looks out for me#like I'm so fucking lucky. And I just genuinely feel like he's the kind of person who might take that personally.#I just do not think I have the fucking. Emotional tool kit to salvage this shit#But I also can't exactly text him and say sorry I don't think we should hang out so. What do.#.....I wasn't even LOOKING for a new friend! I have enough friends!!! I wanted to make clay faces and look at pretty buildings dammit!!!#now I have to be the emotionally mature one who goes hmmm maybe let's not blame other depressed trans kids for our problems buddy#I'm just gonna have to be like. Upfront about my stance and if he doesn't like it well he doesn't have to hang out with me
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littlesadzap · 1 year
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I'm in a really bad mood and I feel like I need to share this list of things I learned as a mentally ill ex-teenager in a toxic home and with friends as "found family"
Things that I hope are obvious but are not always so obvious
-Your parents are victims and perpetrators at the same time
-Your mental disease allowed you to survive and killed you at the same time
-Your mental disease have made you what you are
-No one will ever truly understand how you feel, and that is okay
-If someone laughs and cries at the same time, it's not funny, it's a wake-up call.
-From some things you can't recover and you have to learn to live with them
-Loving someone can't heal their depression
-If someone you love refuses to seek professional help, forcing them will not help them, a person can heal if they really want to heal
-The only person who can help you is you, you must want it first.
-If a person who needs your help is bad for your mental health, walking away from this person is not selfish,you don't live for others
-If a person with mental illness shows excessive and toxic co-dependence toward you, then you are not helping them, you are sinking with them
-Feeling anger toward the person who traumatized you is human, but letting that anger consume you will not help you
-Some things cannot be forgiven and cannot be forgotten, you are not a bad person for that
-Life owes you nothing
-Manic episodes are not always just funny but can be dangerous
-You can't justify yourself for hurting people just because you were hurt but you can forgive yourself and try to do better
-People you have hurt sometimes cannot forgive you, if they hate you let them but don't allow yourself to hate you for the same reasons
-Loving a person with mental illness is difficult
-Healing is fucking painful
PS. These are just random thoughts that came from my personal experience, I'm not a psychologist, I have no professional knowledge for this, this is all just personal
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year
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2009 Hungarian Grand Prix - Lewis Hamilton(ft. Martin Whitmarsh, Mark Webber & Kimi Räikönnen)
+ Seb & Fernando post-DNF
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acedavestrider · 1 month
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does anyone have any advice on how to feel alive again
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candlebel · 7 months
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I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.
#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you.#I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible.#I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me.#I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth.#I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely.#I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin#I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't...#I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it#or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away...#I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again#I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that.#I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY#that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back#that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed.#“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again.#By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant.#I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did.#The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement.#Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF.#You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do.#I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha#No I do not look at your blogs.#The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one.#I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel#safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time.#I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore.#And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry...#I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too...#vent#stuff
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m--bloop · 2 months
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#my sister keeps getting mad at me#and today it culminated with her basically listing all the ways I’m making her life shit#and the things she listed I know I’m a fuck up like not being able to drive#being stuck in a part time job not having many friends crying when in a confrontation#and not paying rent on time to her#but she was so mad and I was mad and crying#but she wasn’t saying it cause she cared she was like you are making my life bad and it’s unfair#I’m sorry it’s unfair I’m trying but I know it’s not enough#and I couldn’t articulate myself#actually I know she’s right that I’m not trying enough#l just got upset which ofc doesn’t help anything#and now I ruined her day#i can’t even move out cause then she’ll get mad at me for that too#I agree with her that I’m a fuck up and don’t have my shit together and it’s a terrible quality I have#of having trouble catching up on everything I just feel overwhelmed all the time#and thinking about the future makes me so depressed I feel like there’s no point to anything#and even when I try to do something I fuck it up and don’t do it right#I tried getting my driving license before but now it’s expired and I’m back at square one#and my job rn I don’t think they’ll ever give me a full time gig#I can’t even explain myself now it doesn’t make sense why I’m so fucked#and it’s so hard to make friends all my old friends have moved#and behind and shit at everything#and now I know I’m dragging everyone else with me#she was like the one person I’m closest to and could trust but now I know I’m just a burden to her#the thing is i know she's right about everything#I fucking hate myself so much#update: she apologized I think we’re ok now#but I’m just wondering if it is
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sunnikko · 2 months
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Saying Goodbye to My Mask event on project sekai may have been a premonition of having my own mental health tank to the same level as Mafuyu's because well. Let's just say. The depression. (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)
#miko talking#well. even though i try to get help it feels like my parents sabotage me more#the only comfort is realizing my feelings and wondering about it#frankly i dont like acknowledging them bc then i feel like im not playing up to the role everyone expects of me but#i want to express it in my stuff but I've been losing my will to keep drawing and writing and i guess#this is what depression is like. i just never expected to find myself actually going through it#i thought i left that era of havingthe worst time of my life but i feel like these past few years#are definitely my most worst#i think thats one thing games like pjsk has me realizing#and why i find comfort in n25#because to me they feel like pieces of me that have been written down#idk why im ranting lol??? i just want to be honest with how i feel but i end up going back to trying to be a people pleaser#ewwwww. i hate this. in truth i dont like people all that much. neither do i like making new friends#it's crazy because I'm always saying sure! when someone asks even though i know I'm not going to feel anything from it#sorry..... but I don't care enough anymore.... maybe one day i will#but right now not really..... at least at the moment.#these friendships with followers are in truth just parasociality and i dont want it after what happened the first time#especially with how two-faced/double standards people are like#people are the worst ^^ i wish the world was a kinder place for everyone but i dont know how much longer i can keep up with this#if only people minded their own business. im not someone to be babied by people who think they know better.#what a pain (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)
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mochiwrites · 6 months
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i hate my mother.
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nutmeg-cider · 3 months
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how to reconcile a lifetime of everyone building you an identity around being “the smart one” with the fact that you’re turning out to be the dysfunctional disappointment of the family
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mymelodyisme · 4 months
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My sister’s graduation day 😤 let’s go 👏🏽
#gosh it’s gonna be a long day and I’m running on two hours of sleep again#i only get the chance to work at night because I don’t have ✨privacy✨#and I’ve been going to bed late and waking up even more tired than usual and my mom’s been scolding me for it#and now I’ve had to tell her what I’m doing and I feel like I just gave another piece of me away again#everything I am everything I do has to be for other people#im so tired when will I give my last piece away 🥹#this was to make ME proud of ME I was doing it for myself and now I feel like it’s for her#and then she’s going to tell my dad and now it’s for him too#also I can’t even cry about it because she HAS to know why I’m upset#she keeps glancing up at me and talking to me in bits#all I have left is my emotions 🥹#anyhow sorry to start the day off so gloomy and depressing I have literally nothing to be sad about I’m very privileged#sorry you guys see me being a baby constantly 🥺 I really do have a good life and shouldn’t be complaining#here’s to a better day for us all#melifails#now i feel like a jerk subjecting you all to this😭 sorry sorry let’s move on#im gonna be a busy bee hopefully I can squeeze in a time for a nap#😭 I don’t waaaaaannnnnaaa sit for hours in the California heat MAYBE with the sun hitting us in the face#our football field is NOT kind in this way#hopefully my sister gets the shady side but even then the sun will hit us in the face eventually just not as long#im !!! excited!!!! I bought ice cream for today 👏🏽 I originally bought choco chip and minto moose tracks?? my sister loves mint flavor#so I bought mint Oreos too so she can eat them with her ice cream 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽#i assume we’re getting take out of some sort so that; ice cream; and uuuuuuu I don’t remember anything else I bought; my best friend did#bring us snacks yesterday!!! pretzels and cookies!!! so that!!!#okay brain no work no more I gotta get dressed love you muah muah muah
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clownsnake · 4 months
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dokja doing his best time and time again to help junghyeok with regressor depression…. I see the sauce being cooked here
#it’s gay sauce#for gay people.#going post#Orv#tbh dokja I think you should just tell junghyeok everything at this point. not for gay reasons but to make things easier#these two work rlly well together when junghyeok isn’t trying to kill dokja imagine how they’d be if they were fully on the same page too#every day there’s a new fuckin dokkaebi. where do they keep getting these guys#and why do they keep getting cuntier#A THANOS SNAP???#choosing between a thanos snap and killing the strongest incarnation. alright everyone time to speed up on the killing nirvana thing I gues#Junghyeok relying on the predictability of knowing everything…. You can take the man out of the timeloop but you can’t take the timeloop ou#of the man#(I know he’s not out of his regressions but sh)#‘I can’t think of a way to correct this’ junghyeok aren’t you supposed to be smart? Stop being stupid#dokja gets me. that’s why he’s also a reader#Ohhh okay we’re having a Big Talk now. good job dokja#‘But the real problem is when you’ve finally managed to save the world’ THATS WHAT IM SAYING!!!!! DOKJA GETS ME#YOU CAN TAKE THE MAN OUT OF THE TIMELOOP BUT YOU CANT TAKE THE TIMELOOP OUT OF THE MAN!#unless junghyeok kicks his regressor’s depression in the ass and learns not to rely on knowing future scenarios so much.#and they’re on a rooftop…. The symsbsnolismm….#Oh wait dokja’s making a different point#ah. ptsd.#well that’s part of my argument I guess#Ohhhhh I love dokja getting to be a prophet rn. and junghyeok realizing he’s onto some shit#‘This world you’re about to abandon could be the only world where you can live to see it end as a human being’ OOOOF. OOF.#that’s heavy#Anyway time for comic relief. sorry Uriel but no gay sex yet#‘Who’s the strongest incarnation?’ Junghyeok: no doubt it’s me#……………………………….#DOKJA IS ALSO CONSIDERING HIMSELF THE STRONGEST?? GUYS
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deityofhearts · 11 months
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I just want attention but I want for people to actually want to give me attention without me having to all but beg for it (and even then I end up begging for attention, that’s what this post is)
#deity dialogue#I can’t exist without some form of attention and if I’m not receiving attention and interaction then everything just seems pointless you#know? I don’t expect constant attention from any one person that’s absurd and not like someone’s job#I just hate the feeling of loneliness and being unwanted or a burden#I know there are people who do like me and my presence and like hearing from me and i and very very grateful to you all#so hi hi if you see this post I love and appreciate you#I’m not making this post to diminish the affection and attention I receive from others#I guess just to voice that I’m constantly hungry for attention like some sort of attention vampire#blah blah I could pinpoint why exactly I’m like this but it would do no good#just like the feeling of not getting enough attention or feeling like I’m unwanted when o do recieve attention or try my best to get peoples#attention#I’m just tired of being this way but it hasn’t changed yet I try so hard to not be bothered and to not care and to not keep craving#attention or like going out of my way to get peoples attention and yet#anyways sorry for my depressing late thoughts I should go to sleep but once again I cannot#I did however make myself cry because my own thoughts (again)#I’m gonna go check on my forehead and then like idk#resume reading the stupid vampire webcomic or like make myself try and sleep#I need more sleep medicine but I don’t have the money to spare for that lmao#any money I have rn is in savings for my impending phone bill#i can just sleep during the day. also like a vampire
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