#sorry to the very first one i hadnt gotten to do.... i have too many school projects to work on

[pseudowho]

Hello Haitch! Hope you are doing well.

Last year during summer, I was diagnosed with PCOS (i had gotten it checked because i hadnt had my period in like 3 months) and since i was just 17, the doctor asked me to maintain a proper lifestyle and see till November and said that if it wasnt fixed by then, i had to do a checkup again. But i'd gotten my period by august so i never reached out again.

but this year (im 18 now), the last time id gotten my period was in april so it's been 6 months now. im gonna go to the doctor again later this month. but here's the thing— last year, i went to a gyno abroad because women's healthcare isnt the best in my country. but this year, its not possible for me to go abroad right now so im gonna have to work with a gyno from here.

now i have a feeling that theyll put me on pills and while i agree thats the easy way to fix this, im worried itll mess things up for the long run. the lifestyle the first gyno asked me to follow is a little difficult for me to get into since she'd asked me to exercise plenty and im a full time alevel student and it gets hard for me to maintain a proper routine like that. i also struggle with binge eating which i've heard comes with having pcos (im not sure if this is true tho).

so in one hand, i feel like it's easier to just start taking pills but then again it has so many side effects i don't know what to do right now.

Lots to unpack here.

CW/TW: PCOS, medical discussion, endocrine disorders, diabetes, hypothyroidism, weight management, medication management

Firstly, PCOS is often diagnosed based on vague criteria; lots of doctors flippantly diagnose it based on a volume of loose criteria. If you have an increasing number of these criteria, then yes, the chances are you have PCOS. However, it's often erroneously diagnosed without proper diagnostic procedures such as scans, bloods, and a full review of your longer term health history.

That being said, being on the pill doesn't 'cure' PCOS, it can simply manage the symptom of irregular periods. There's flimsy evidence on the pill's ability to manage/prevent weight gain and the development of other disorders that are associated with PCOS.

While weight loss is often harder for women with PCOS, especially if you have associated conditions such as an under active thyroid, it's not impossible.

Your lifetime chances of developing Diabetes are significantly higher with PCOS, and this chance goes up again if you struggle with increased body weight. PCOS and appetite changes like binge eating have been associated with each other, too.

So you'll only know if managing your weight and eating habits make a difference with your PCOS, when you've actually tried them to the absolute best of your ability. If you are at an increased ideal weight, losing weight can be very effective to manage and reduce the symptoms of PCOS.

Of the many, many thousands of women I've looked after, I'm sorry to say that those with PCOS who are very pro-active with managing their weight, perhaps taking medications as advised by their doctor (the pill and Metformin are the most common ones I see), and exercising regularly, are those who have the highest chance of being 'healthy' (though I do not use the term 'healthy' lightly).

Ultimately, PCOS is one of those things that just happens and isn't your fault. I also have an endocrine disorder that makes it very easy for me to gain weight and very difficult for me to lose it, so I absolutely understand the situation yours in right now.

But, what do you do with this information? Do you say, "I am X, Y and Z because of my PCOS" and leave it at that? Or do you say "I suffer with X, Y and Z because of my PCOS, so I make life choices to reduce the impact of my PCOS by 1, 2 and 3".

So my advice is this: PCOS may be the hand you've been dealt, but your lifestyle choices can massively improve the chances of you reducing its impact on your long-term health. I'm not blaming you, or acting like healthy eating, exercise and medication decisions are easy; they are not. Please recall I'm in a similar boat, and I'm not one to blame women for their complex health conditions.

I could talk all day about PCOS but this is my best attempt to summarise it for you.

It's really hard making tough life choices to manage the hand you've been dealt. I fully understand. I've gotten better at it as I've gotten older. @mrhaitch makes similar big decisions, because he has two diabetic parents and one diabetic siblings, so he takes care of his health to a brilliant degree, to try to give himself the best chance of not developing diabetes himself.

☝️ me being your hype man

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

[dexiiexox]

Bestfriend headcanons for Nick Sturniolo💜

a/n; Hihi! First time writing for Nick :))👍 might be off, but these are just what I imagine so enjoyyy :> and I know for a FACT that there are so many words Ive spelled wrong in this one, but Im too lazy to proof read it :)

Nick Sturniolo x reader (platonic)

warnings: none?

summary: headcanons of what I imagine being bestfriends with Nick Sturniolo would be like!

SORRY FOR ANY SPELLING MISTAKES❕

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I firmly belive that Nick would never jugde you if you’re close friends, he might not always agree on certain topics, but he would never jugde you

And that is also why you guys have such a close bond, you guys are able to tell eachother everything, wether it’s realationships, concerns, drama, something that’s recently been going on, anything, doesnt matter, you guys tell eachother

I just know he would take your concerns very seriously, he would always be there and listen to you rant to him about anything and nothing

And he would have no problem telling people off if they were out of line.

It had been a pretty stressful week and on top of that some of your "friends" had been acting so wierd. You guys hadnt hung out in a while, and you guys had decided to meet up since you had some openings in your schedual. But when you guys had hung out they had just been somewhat rude to you the whole time and made snarky comments. About the way you spoke or what you said.

You brushed it off in the start, but it just carried on and it honestly hurt. You just decided to stay quiet for the rest of the evening and left after you guys had grabbed some food.

You had just gotten home to your apartment, when you got a notification from your phone. It was a Snapchat notification, from a group.

You had been added in a groupchat with those same "friends" you had hung out with. There was one long message from them telling you they thought you had been acting wierd the whole evening. They stated that they thought it was rude that you werent talking much and left so quietly. They meant that you had changed.

You didnt really understand why they said that, where was all of this coming from? You hd been nothing but nice, despoter their comments and behaviour. You just sighed deeply and didnt bother to respond. All you wanted to do was shower and done off on the couch for the night.

You we’re able to take a shower before the doorbell rang. Getting dressed fairly quick, you went and opened the door. You we’re met with concerned Nick, now feiles written in his face.

I can definetly imagine Nick calling you or FaceTiming you whenever he needs to rant about shit that just annoys him

I was sat at my desk, browsing through random stuff on my laptop.I was in my own little bubble, listening to some slow songs and just mindlessly scrolling. That was until a loud ring startled me and brought me out of my daze.

It was a FaceTime call from Nick and I could see his face on screen. I pauses the music and answered the call.

"Hey-" I was cut short.

"Holy fuck!" Nick was basically screaming through the phone.

I was taken a back by his loud voice.

"Whats up?" I asked concerned seeing how bothered he sounded.

"Chris has been a fucking idiot all night." he let out a huff as he layed down on his bed. I just laughed a little.

"What’s he done now?" I gave Nick a questioning look.

"Oh boy if you knew, kids spilled my whole fucking Snapple in the car" I could clearly hear the annoyance in Nicks voice. I just giggled a little imagining how that scene wouldve looked like.

"And he’s jumping around like a damn monkey! He jumped back ONTO me!" He raider his voice again. I burst out laughing at that point and Nick ended up letting out a few giggles as well.

"Hellooo? Isnt that crazy?" He asked still giggling lightly.

"Sounds like Chris to me" I smiled back.

From there the conversation just went on, Nick rambled some more about Chris' shananigans in the car before we started talking about everything else that came to mind.

I also imagine that Nick would need help figuring out what to wear, and sometimes you would too

Like before going out, you guys just sit on the bed while the other one tries on different outfits and get the others opinion on it

(UFHSKDNDN i just need to use this opertunity to say that Nick is SO FUCKING PRETTY!! He looks so gorgeous I dont even know where to start)

Nick had invited me to go out for dinner with him, Chris, Matt and a few of their other friends.

And as usual I had stopped by their apartment so me and Nick could help eachother find the right outfit for the night. I had brought with me a few different outfits and clothes I was thinking about wearing, but I still couldnt really figure it out.

I had chatted with the three of them in the kitchen for a while before me and Nick made out way to his bedroom to get ready.

We had spendt some time trying to find the right outfit for Nick, and we finally found it. We ended up with him wearing his red and black knitted sweater, black parachute pants, his black chunky shoes and a pair of black glasses as an accesorie.

We spendt a good while figuring out what I would wear, all the outfits I tried either seemed somewhat off or like something was missing.

"No, it looks kind of odd?"

"Yeah, I dont know about this one"

"Absolutely not"

I tried on dresses, skrits, tops, shorts, fishnets, and I tired mutiple different outfits, but nothing felt right.

"The pants made it kind of wierd"

"Ouuhh.. yeah no-.."

"I think I’m loosing my mind, what the hell is this?"

I rubbed my eyes and sighed. I went back into the bathroom and tried on my last outfit. I looked myself in the mirror and smiled. I actually really liked it, but I needed to see what Nick thought of it. So I opened the door and stepped into his room. Nick looked up from his phone and smiled at me.

"Uhh yeah! Defiently, you look good girl!"

I smiled at his compliment.

"Thanks"

We both finished getting ready, we chilled downstairs with Matt and Chris before we all headed out for the evening.

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Im too lazy to write more :)👍

Regardless of that though, hope you had a good night or day and youre worth so much💕💕

-dexy💕

[bmpmp3]

I FINALLY got a chance the other night to watch the new season of love live superstar and I LIKED these first five episodes a lot so i wanna talk about it :)

sorry to say i am one of the many fans who thought the 2nd season was kind of floundering so i was a bit worried but they have gotten right back into it and im so glad. the first season was really fantastic in my opinion although there were a few odd character arc turns here and there (i still wish kanon's stagefright wasnt cured so permanently and it is wild that chisato is just like not in the music program anymore LOL) but then the second season - while i really liked the new girls they added, the pacing was all off for me and instead of like one or two weird character arc decisions it was like 99% that. also where is kinako. whats kinakos deal. why doesnt she get like a proper backstory emotional arc like everyone else. whats going on here.

BUT this third season has been going great, the first episode i wasnt sure about the pacing quite yet but by the end i got into the groove. also i like that wien is like trying so hard to be little cartoon skeletor type villain. its awesome i love her. also her moving towards remembering her love of singing for what it is was sweet, and during bubble rise, her feeling remorse for what she did to her image was really interesting for love live. they hadnt really brought up much in the way of online haters before i dont think....

bubble rise was right up my alley, love this type of love live song (big sort of dramatic ballad-esque pop tunes) and the theme was super fun. although how the hell did they put up those stage decorations. where did they get that hologram whale. awesome. the outfits were so good too, and of course the singing sounded great

i also like that tomari is a complete weirdo. somewhere between like a company manager and a sassy android. awesome

SPEAKING OF WHICH her and natsumis arc. so in the second season i really REALLY loved natsumi but i was disappointed with how her arc went because high key i thought it was going in a totally different direction. straight up i thought they were gonna go into like financial insecurity and shit, like maybe her family had some hard times or something growing up and maybe theyre much more stable now (since yknow. shes going to yuigaoka and as we find out in s3 its like an hour or 2 away from where she lives...) its hard to grapple with those feelings. which is Really Heavy for love live but honestly that first season was low key kind of going there? kanons stage fright rens dead mom kekes family sumires former child actor feelings of inadequacy chisato getting bullied etc like they were going in more heightened and intense places than i was used to for the main animes. but then it was a little vague, natsumis deal.

i dunno i still really love her (shes still probably in my top 3, although its really hard to choose) but trying a bunch of stuff as a kid, failing, and then giving up on everything was a bit bizarre? it felt a little out of nowhere i dunno. i also wonder if even an arc about falling too deep into seeking online validation and then finding self worth and satisfaction through the love of the game (singing and dancing on stage) instead could have been stronger rather than what we got. also i do think sumire should have been the one to talk to her instead of kanon because i think their parallels are super interesting

ALL THAT TO SAY even though i thought natsumis arc was weak in the 2nd season i do think the extension of it in this season and tomaris arc were pretty solid. it was kind of a shaky base but the structure they built on top wasnt half bad! still feels a little vague.. like it still feels like the other shoe hasnt dropped, maybe there will be something else later with their family? theres still plenty of episodes to go plus theyll probably come out with movies or something later <3

now shiki and meis arc was very awesome and very homosexual the whole way. i was worried with them as well at the beginning of the 2nd season yknow LOL i get worried too much.. but like okay. love live always has these near-canon couples and if you like them its awesome the whole way but if you feel indifferent towards them it is. suffering. i am the only kananchika truther on this whole earth.

sorry thats irrelevant (and dw i dont dislike kananmari or anything i think its interesting, although i like kanandiamari a biiiiit more and of course im too deep into kananchika) and its not suffering thats a joke but it always makes you feel crazy when theyve made a couple that they push in all the promo and songs and shows and you dont really feel it that much.

LUCKILY mei shiki is not that. i was worried that theyd focus to much on making them childhood friends with a dependency thing and ignore their personalities for the sake of it BUT luckily their personalities were enhanced with their strong feelings towards eachother... it was awesome. also helps that i really like both characters. i still wish mei got more of an arc about her giving people a scarier impression but thats neither here nor there. shiki helping mei join liella in s2 and mei helping shiki be center in s3... awesome. like it was romantic while still keeping their arcs their own, built up together, so so cute.

also very happy they did give shiki a center song like this. okay honestly i was a little surprised s2 kept pushing a narrative that kanon was the strongest singer of the group which. well. i really love kanons voice in s1 and i think she mightve been then. but unfortunately it seems her seiyuu was strained or overworked because while she still had most of her power, she was sounding a lot less expressive and rich. sumire, chisato, and keke's seiyuu were improving rapidly on their already strong bases, and then they added shiki who's seiyuu's voice is like dripping in charisma. her high notes sound a little strained sometimes but theyre also rapidly getting better and she had so much depth and subtle expression that i was like BLOWN AWAY immediately. since s2 kanon's seiyuu i think had more rest if i remember correctly? and she's sounding pretty good again (although it seems shes leaning more into a character voice with less soft or rich dimensions compared to s1 which i'll miss but its not bad. as long as shes healthy its fine, in the end the real voice actress is more important than a character song) but i did think it was like a difficult suspension of disbelief to deal with when they talked about shiki (and the other 1st years) being behind in skill when her singing skill was through the ROOF like that hskjhjkfdlsdfds i mean theyre all talented from the get-go thats a recquirement to be a love live seiyuu but i was like hello? shiki's voice? why is no one talking about shiki's gorgeous singing? hello??????

then again i value expressiveness over anything else, which is why i consider chisato's voice to be so SO good even though no one talks about it enough. a soft breathy note makes a powerful note sound even stronger, yknow? need some salt in your brownies to make the sugar taste better. but i do have this bias so take my vocal opinions with a lot of salt. too much salt for brownies. but enough for discussion (?)

anyway what im saying is all the singers are sounding pretty great this season but i especially was happy to hear shiki who already had a gorgeous voice have a center like this!! such a fun song too, more modern pop with a light tone rather than the heavier big ballad pop like bubble rise which i tend to prefer, but super catchy and sweet nonetheless

and speaking of songs the most reason episode.... keke's chinese ver of stardust cruising was a bit life changing. god her seiyuus singing is beautiful. i like held my breath. watching a cartoon character sing a tune. you know how it is <3 im so excited for the clean ver of it tho, i imagine it'll be on the soundtrack so we'll have to wait until the finale airs but im so excited. so so so so excited

i also love that keke's sister is insane. i like that shes a weirdo like tomari but like in the opposite direction. this season is the season of weirdo sisters <3 excited for ep6, im assuming we'll probably get a new song that episode or the next? since they gotta perform... in shanghai to save keke!!!!! hell yes

OH and the opening and ending songs, really enjoying them too. the ending had to grow on me but it has the same forward marching towards a hopeful future momentum that all love live ending songs are wont to have so its very nice, although neither the s3 or s2 ending have been able to top how fantastic mirai wa kaze no you ni was <3

although on that note, i think the opening is my favourite of superstar LOL s1's start true dreams was the weakest to me, it wasnt bad and i like it but ive noticed i dont like the openings in love live that start too intense as much orz like aozora jumping heart is iconic yes but i do like mirai no bokura wa shitteru yo waaaay more. sometimes start true dreams aozora jumping heart and other songs of its ilk do make me feel like im being blasted. they are blasting me with the horns first thing. but its fine start true dreams is still cute and i really like most of the song even if the intro is a bit intense for me

WE WILL WAS so so so good though i really loved it, even though i thought s2 was a bit messy that song was so like. inspiring to me? listen it was one of those love live songs that made me wanna run really fast and accomplish hopes and dreams you know what i mean. you know what im saying.

we will was so good already, but lets be one.... it might surpass it. im not totally sure yet but the softer parts and the build up in the verses, the glittery and piano-y beginning, RIGHT up my alley. right up my alley. we will see how it grows on me as the show goes, i dont skip love live openings or endings because i need to stockholm myself into liking every love live song. im normal. im normal.

anyway i think my ending song ranking is

1. s1 2. s3 3. s2

and the opening ranking...... right nowwwwww

s2

s3

s1

BUT those top two miiight switch. we shall see

anyway. its been really good man. now i need to finally watch the nijigasaki ova and finish the yohane isekai.......

[littlemissmedicalmalpractice]

first of all HI HI HI!!!!!!!!! THIS IS SO LATE IM SO SORRY i haven't been online in A While but OH GOD THE HYPERFIXATION IS SO REAL !!!!!!!! i pray u still have slight interest in it? bc OH LORD now that im back on the internet to i need to SCREAM and YELL and CRY about them !!!

THEY'RE AT THE LAUNDROMAT I'M SOBBING THEY'RE HAPPY AND CALM AND PEACEFUL AND DOING LAUNDRY I'M FREAKIN SOBBING (that is beautiful magical and wonderful. blessings!!!)

i must add on now that ive finally finished it (a week ago? two weeks? it feels llike just yesterday bc GOD I HAVE NOT RECOVERED 😭😭) but um. i feel personally attacked by this show. im physically a pile of gloop on the ground because HELLO? WHAT WHY HOW WHAT WHERE (guy who got VERY blindsided by the ending) (when i'd first responded to ur ask i'd only watched like 7? 8? episodes, def hadnt started season 2 bc WOW was that. um. quite a show. uh. uh. uh. uh. AH! the number of times my heart stopped though.!! they teased death far too many times for my peace of mind) (THE ENDING THOUGH??? LU GUANG LORE DROP NOWW!!!) and tbh even without the whole huge ass arc with li tianchen and co. i just. some of those (cough episode 5 cough) little moments just punched me directly in the soul. the concept and the characters and the animation and the way they tie everything together and things just HAUNT you !!! i love!!! i cant!!! everytime we dive into another photo my soul just explodes (good or bad. idk. both. neither. etc) like GOD the baby li tianxi eps. my HEART!!!

as for a happier (? is it happy? can it be happy? i am so fearful?) topic..! qiao ling my baby beloved blorbo. is she the perfectest ever? she is!!! <333333 (these fucking dark hair light hair guys plus one girl trios are the death of me. ur so right those duos are just LOOKING for a way to become doomed by the narrative) (worth it) & cheng xiaoshi. wow. my thoughts on him. (deep breath) HAGIUIGEHALAGIHJE!!! obvious fact no. 1 is that he's perfect, etc, but in all seriousness the character of all time FR as esp for me, bc when i first started watching i had gotten the impression from the little interactions i had had with the fandom take lu guang would be the mc, but then when we get a whole deep dive into cheng xiaoshi's just. moral compass? thought process? past (FUCKING EPISODE 5)? just every time i'd be like god fucking dammit ur being irrational, ur being silly, ur being aggravating, but then u have the scene where he's talking to emma on that bridge (was it a bridge? ledge? yk the scene at the end of s1) ! just ! he has so much feelings and he's so lovable and complicated bc u get backstory but not really and u get nothing about him but u get everything and have i mentioned how sweet he is? what was the line, like how lu guang likes him bc he was so naive? smth like that, but UGH i agree bc he's just so wholesome (despite the PAIN AND FEELINGS) , just so. character who really FEELS and it makes me FEEL!!! when he just fucking fell to his knees crying or when fucking lil guy i wanna put in a container (DAZAI?) (sorry gang i'll see myself out now 😔) !!! i love him i love him i need to eat him. yeah :3

OMGOMGOMG UR WATCHING LINK CLICK???👀👀 HOW DO U LIKE IT??

YES AHH!!!! OH MY GOD. I'M FULLY FIXATED ON IT. it's eating my brain. it's all i can think about. cheng xiaoshi my belovedest blorbo ever. i just. i cant stop thinking about this show. im getting absolutely fed with a fascinating with a cool concept and cool setting and then BAM also a perfect pairing that i. i Fear for a lil bit (i haven't finished but i've gotten so attached that i fear. something wicked this way comes. the dark hair light hair duos give me Anxiety) but anyway please PLEASE talk to me ab it i am so so so obsessed and i need to just jakfwmaegaipnfwgianjinegl with other people who like it ! ! ! !!!!!!

[stars-couragetobefree]

Oh my- I've returned to six asks! Wow.. that's.. shocking, but I'm honored

I'll try my best to do all of these!

[pinkseas]

aly aly aly. i am thinking abt ckarlnapity wedding again what wedding gifts do u think everyone gets them!!!

UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM UM UM good question.

okay well ive decided just now that tina gets them a big lovely handmade scrapbook and some cameras bc shes cute and thoughtful like that.

okay ive been sitting here for like 15 minutes now trying to decide what tubbo would give them but tubbo is decidedly both smarter and more thoughtful than me and nothing has come to mind yet. rest assured it would benefit all three of them (or he makes smth separate for all three) and it would be made with his own two hands no matter how long it took or how hard it was and it would be Perfect. and somewhere deep down hes saying thank you and hes saying im sorry and hes saying i love you, i miss you, i want to be close again. never with words. the two of them work so much better without words getting in the way of what they really mean. tubbo couldve gotten them the shittiest thing in the world and quackity wouldve been grateful. he doesnt know how to tell tubbo that even if it hadnt been perfect he wouldve accepted. by the time the wedding itself is over and they find themselves sitting side by side someplace quiet (just a breather, just for another moment) both of them know how the other feels anyways. the silence between them speaks louder than anything else ever could

hannah offers to take care of all of the flowers and floral arrangements for the wedding, every last one, however many they want or however detailed they want it. this, too, is both a thank you and an apology, and quackity has always loved roses. every flower in the venue is perfect. hannah’s smile and teary eyes during the ceremony are genuine.

bad and skeppy gift them something extravagant and utterly useless at first, and later something much smaller but incredibly meaningful. maybe an heirloom or pictures and stories of sapnap as a kid that none of them have seen before or something to do with demonic culture. antfrost gets them something very thoughtful and genuinely useful in spite of how wildly tempted he is to give them the worlds greatest gag gift.

tommy also DEFINITELY gives them something handmade and meaningful. could not tell you more than that but he has one of the greatest gifts of anyone easily

i cannot think of anyone else who i could even so much as guess what sort of gift they would give i simply am not well versed enough in other characters this is so sad. but these are my thoughts <3

[savingprimrose]

Hey there, I see youre asking for prompts and I had this idea a few nights ago: the survey corps soldiers are in a mandatory ball or smth like that for the military, and Levi sees the guys that hires him to kill Erwin all those years ago and he gets super pissed (because if he hadnt entered the corps he probably would have been sentenced to death for all his crimes, and then this rich guy plots to kill a high ranking military and a few years later he is free and partying like nothing ever happened.) Everybody sees he is in a sour mood, and Petra aproaches him to ask why and comfort him, whether he tells her what happened or not.

Anon, I'm so sorry it took me months. 🥺👉🏼👈🏼

I hope you like it!

READ ALSO ON AO3

Levi Ackerman hated going to Mitras for precisely two reasons.

One, he hates the rich, snobby people of the upper class.

And two, he hates parties.

And just socializing in general.

Talking to people makes his head hurt. And one of the main reasons that the Scouting Legion even goes to Mitras is, well, for number 2. And if number 2 is the reason why they’re being summoned to the capital then most likely number 1 is involved as well.

And well, you could say that Levi Ackerman will be having the worst time of his life. Thinking about schmoozing up to the rich - and expecting to dance with them with his two left feet - is making him wish he’d be eaten alive by a titan instead.

Levi sulks at the edges of the ballroom, arms crossed over his chest and a scowl on his face. He fishes out his pocketwatch from his coat pocket and curses under his breath, he’s only been here for literally 30 minutes and yet he feels as if he's been stuck in this cursed place for all of eternity.

Erwin has left him to go talk with Zachary and the other commanders, Hange is talking the ears off of some noble about titan research and hoping to get much-needed funds for the next expedition, while Mike and Nanaba are having the time of their lives - drinking and dancing.

And his whole squad is missing. He hasn't caught sight of them since the moment they stepped through the threshold of the palace.

"I'll go and fetch us some drinks, Captain."

Eld had said 30 minutes ago. He hasn't returned since.

"And I will get us some snacks."

Oluo had said right after but knowing him, he's probably trapped some new recruit in a corner and started flirting with them.

Levi wonders where Gunther and Petra are. They went off to dance around the same time Eld and Oluo excused themselves. He stands on his tiptoes and cranes his neck in search of them, quickly spotting Gunther on the other side of the ballroom, headed towards who he thinks is Eld.

Petra, on the other hand, is still missing.

Levi sighs and lowers himself back on his heels, slipping his pocketwatch back in his coat.

He decides to hunt down his squad - just so he can bid them good night. He's not needed here, anyway. And his headache is killing him.

Levi opts to find Petra first since he already knows where the boys are. He makes his way around the perimeter of the ballroom, looking this way and that for the familiar flash of sunset-colored hair.

He thought it would be easy to spot her from across the room with her hair but that has proven itself difficult with the number of tall people around and it pisses him off. He has gotten elbowed too many times in one night for his liking and Levi clenches his jaw tight.

Fuck tall people.

He decides to get some fresh air before trying to look for Petra again. He is nearing the balcony when he hears a familiar giggle behind his back and whirls around only to collide with yet another tall person who can't even be bothered to look at where they're going.

The collision caused a vein to pulse in his temple, making his headache even worse than it already is.

"Pardon me. I didn't see -"

The man stops mid-sentence upon seeing Levi's face and Levi has never wanted to kill a person so hard in his life than this very instant.

“I see you’re still alive, Levi,” Nicholas Lovof smirks, looking down his long nose at him.

Fuck this tall bastard most of all.

Levi’s blood begins to boil, “I see that you're out of prison you crusty old piece of shit."

Lovof laughs and Levi felt his hands twitch by his side, itching to punch the older man in the face.

“There’s nothing money can’t buy, Levi.”

Levi balls his fists and grits his teeth, doing everything he can not to slip the dagger out of his waistband and slit the bastard’s throat open right then and there. Levi hates how money makes the world go round. If he did not join the Scouting Legion he would've been thrown in jail for all the crimes he's committed and for all the people he's killed.

He would probably even be dead by now.

Lovof sneers, “What? Nothing to say to that, street rat?”

“Get out of my sight,” Levi seethes, each syllable laced with hatred and disdain. His hand subconsciously moving to the dagger at his waist.

Lovof's eyes dart to the movement of Levi's hand and his face breaks into another shit-eating grin, “You can’t kill me. You can’t even kill Erwin.”

A growl rises at the back of Levi’s throat just as a delicate hand wraps around his elbow, stilling his movement.

“Captain! There you are!”

His eyes fly to the hand curled around his elbow and he instantly knows who it belongs to. Levi watches as the hand slides down his forearm to cover his right hand and take it away from the dagger’s hilt.

He lifts his gaze from it and locks eyes with Petra as she squeezes his right hand with hers, “Dance with me."

She then turns to Lovof with a smile plastered on her face, "Excuse us, sir. I believe my captain owes me a dance."

Lovof smirks and raises his wine glass at him in a mock salute.

Levi nearly lunges at the old man but Petra squeezes his hand tighter to restrain him before leading him away from Lovof and into the throng of people in the middle of the ballroom waiting for the string quartet to resume playing music. The quartet begins playing a soft melodic piece that Levi thinks is more aptly played at a wedding.

“You know I don’t dance, Petra,” Levi nearly growls, still angered from his run-in with Lovof.

“Indulge me,’ Petra says as she transfers his right hand to her left and places it on her waist. She does the same with his other hand and leads him to sway alongside the couples beside them. She loops her arms around his neck and feels how tense his shoulders are. She gives him a small smile, one that he doesn’t notice as he is still adamant in glaring daggers at Lovof’s back.

Petra sighs as she leads him along in the dance. She knows that her captain hates social events but she has never seen him so close to stabbing a person in front of hundreds of people.

“Captain. Talk to me,” she whispers as she caresses his nape with her thumb, the gesture surprisingly tender and intimate and it catches Levi’s attention - his gaze finally drifting back to hers.

Levi relaxes a fraction as she continues to knead at his neck.

“That bastard should be rotting in prison,” He grumbles, hands tightening around her waist.

Petra nods, encouraging him.

”He’s -” Levi swallows, tries to contain the anger rising up within him, “He’s the reason why Isabel and Furlan are dead.”

Oh.

Petra knows about them - about Isabel and Furlan. They were Levi’s family before joining the Scouting Legion. She knew that they died in their first expedition outside the walls but that was it - that was all her captain has told her.

Levi sighs and proceeds to tell her the rest of the story, of how Lovof tracked them down and gave them a job to kill Erwin all in exchange for health care for their friend Yan and citizenship above ground.

“The Scouting Legion was coming for us whether we accepted the offer or not.”

Levi takes a deep breath and stops their slow dancing while the couples around them continued on, “Citizenship on the surface was all we ever wanted, Petra.”

He opens his mouth to continue but closes it again, realizing that they look like fools - standing in the middle of the ballroom while couples around them danced.

Levi takes Petra’s hand then and leads her away from the merriment and out into the balcony. He lets go of her and leans against the balustrade, tipping his head back to stare at the star-studded sky.

"They told me to trust them and that they will make it out of that expedition alive, that we will finish doing the job together and live the rest of our lives above ground.”

Out here under the starlight, he is more open, more vulnerable.

Petra remains silent and lets her captain tell his story uninterrupted. She is content listening and just being there for him - whenever and wherever he needs her.

She tips her head back as well, admiring the way the stars glittered against the pitch-black sky as Levi continued.

“I trusted them.” Levi swallows, "But they died, anyway. I -"

There's a tremble in his voice and Petra sneaks a glance at him and the look on his face shatters her heart.

Levi bows his head and whispers, “I couldn’t save them, Petra. I couldn’t give them the life they wanted.”

A moment passes in silence before a laugh escapes Levi's lips - mirthless and hollow.

Levi turns to face her then, "But no regrets, remember?"

She searches his eyes and wonders how he truly feels. He says these things but his eyes say otherwise.

Petra gives him a small, sad smile, and nods.

"Yes, captain. No regrets."

[colorisbyshe]

in regards to your post about fat people and healthcare: yep thats exactly how it is. i had gallstones (from rapid weight loss, mind you, which i then gained back bc it was weight loss from ed), and was told for years that i couldnt remove my gallbladder because of my weight and had to take daily medication, dealing with excruciating gallstone attacks which constantly landed me in the e.r. and it wasnt until i was literally vomiting bile, near fatal, and got a good e.r. doctor that i got it removed. he asked why i hadnt gotten it removed all these years, and i told him that i was told i had to lose lots of weight first everytime i asked my doctor about it, and he immediately said thats bullshit and got me an appointment to remove it. if i had actually been taken care of years before, it wouldnt have gotten to that point. i remember asking my surgeon if my weight ever really did pose THAT big of a risk, and he said no, and that i should have gotten it removed years prior. also, the medication i was taking was only meant to be taken for a few months, as if taken for a long time it can cause ur system to fuck up (i forget exactly what bc i was never told abt it until years into taking it when i learned upon my own accord, and it wasnt good at all to take for years), yet my doctor had me on it for YEARS because i was 'too fat' for surgery, but not to be on meds!!!! lol thank you for bringing awareness, and sorry for my rant! have a lovely day

Yeah. I had to get my gallbladder out because I had a really, really shitty diet and one of the first things they jumped in on was getting my weight and they tried to force me onto a "healthy diet" to cope.

I was vomiting and sobbing from pain any time I had a gall stone attack and they were like "Have you tried only eating bread apples and rice for the rest of your life? Have you considered just never eating anything fatty ever again? You'd probably lose weight."

And the wild thing about that is THAT IS WITH MY GOOD DOCTOR! I currently have a primary care practitioner who is very good. She takes me seriously and this one doesn't blame most things on my weight. But when it came down to it she still was like "Hey, this thing might be good for you in the long run."

She listened when I said the low fat diet wasn't helping and immediately scheduled me a surgery to get it removed, she genuinely is mostly a good one. But even with my surgeon consults, she (my surgeon) mentioned how surgery is "easier" when you lose weight and it's like... bitch, it's your fucking job??

Like imagine if a surgeon said "Hey, can you just cope with your heart faiure because heart transplant surgery is really hard. Can we do something easier?"

Maybe med school should teach this shit then!!! Go back to med school and demand a higher quality education.

And I did end up losing the weight just because the entire thing fucking scared me so badly. Like... I have a retina condition people love to blame on weight. I can't risk someone not taking it seriously because what's on the line is the eye sight in my right eye. Like ALL of my eye sight in my right eye.

And boy howdy do I have a lot of resentment about that and, yeah, I'm very aware of how precarious the weight loss is and how easily I can gain it back. And I know that for a lot of fat people, weight loss just isn't happening and it's not fair that I found an out (and even then, just barely, according to bunk science like BMI I'm still overweight) when so many people can't.

There shouldn't have to be an "out" for finding... just baseline medical care. Not even good medical care, just decent.

But let me tell you it's like night and fucking day. ANd it makes me miserable.

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

14 (bodyguard AU) and 46 (blind date) sounds fun,,, your choice of ship ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥

14. Bodyguard AU || 46. Blind date

Random choice generator got me creativisleep!

~

roman's a semi-popular actor- he's never really been to an awards show, and he's not been in That much, but he had a small but strong role in a real popular film and plenty of leading ones in lesser known movies. he's got enough of a following to be satisfied with himself, even if it isn't That huge of one

because of this, roman didn't take the possible dangers of his fame seriously... until he got jumped by one fan at a play in his hometown. he came out fine (he's always fine ;p) but it made him reconsider his choice to not have some sort of protection

he ends up hiring remy to be his bodyguard, a choice he Slightly starts regretting when he realizes remy, despite having excellent marks out of bodyguard school, is about as professional as a golden retriever

they take roman's food out of his fridge Whenever, borrow Way too many of his shirts (and roman hasn't seen his BMC 'boyf riends' hoodie since they got their hands on it), and is never in typical bodyguard wear (they wore a suit for the interview and never again)

but they also bring roman coffee (when did they get his regular figured out...?), talk to him like he's just a Person and not a celeb, and have yet to try and kill him themself so. roman's alright with them staying

(plus, is it so wrong if roman enjoys how they look? he deserves for a bit of an eye-candy sorta bodyguard, damnit, they're with him all the time after all)

remy's been with roman as his bodyguard for a few months when roman decides he cant just keep Lookin at a pretty person, he deserves to have a pretty person to kiss and cuddle with too!! so he pokes around for a bit, finds a non-homophobic service (he's pan, so he could Technically use a plain ol' straight service, but he refuses on gay principle), and uses it

idk how datin apps work but this one that im makin up is a blind match up app, which takes ur information and uses it to randomly pair u up with random accounts. the app keeps account info privated until After the first date has been gone on, to really maintain the 'blind match' aspect. the matched up people play a mini guessing game through the app about places they can go for a date until location and time is determined

roman likes the idea of the app mostly to keep his own identity secret as long as possible- he doesnt want people pickin his account Just bc he's a celeb, y'know?

the first couple of blind dates dont go well tho... most are nice people who roman just isn't compatible with, one was a straight woman who spent the entire date being Very homophobic despite roman's rainbow heart + pan flag pins, and someone who was clearly Too Much Of A Fan (remy had to physically pull them off of roman and help him escape the park before they could latch back on)

oh, did roman not mention? remy's been coming on all his dates with him

because of course they are! they need to protect roman! whether that's by eating dinner in the booth over or sitting two rows back at the cinema or awkwardly half-stalkin roman and his date while they walk about

so they're always there, to bring roman there and take him home, and listen when he complains about the bad matches and lament the almost-winners, and convince him he is a catch that needs to try again because eventually Someone will realize he really is too good to pass up

(remy always says that line in a weird way)

so he keeps trying... until roman has possibly the worst date ever

because he gets stood up. it's fifteen minutes past the scheduled date time, he's gotten no text explainin where they are, but he's sittin at the restaurant alone and starting to become rather upset by the pitying look the server gives him when he says he's still waitin on someone else before he orders

remy slides into the seat across from him at the 20 minute mark. shoots roman an apologetic smile that an outsider would mistake as a 'sorry im late' one when roman knows it's a 'sorry they didnt show' one

roman appreciates the gesture to save him, but he almost just wants to go home at this point. he's tired and bein stood up feels like Shit, actually, and he's about ready to call off the whole dating thing really, dramatic as that may be (like it's not his middle name)

but remy says smth about this place having really good sandwiches, and it's clear they're tryin so hard to help roman out here, even a little, and roman can't just dismiss that effort, so he picks up his menu again and orders smth and tries to ignore the way his face heats up just the slightest at the relieved smile remy flashes next

lunch with remy is great, actually, better than it would've been with whoever couldnt be bothered to show or apologize or Anything. remy even knows the way to an ice cream shop on the way home, sayin it's for roman's 'broken heart' as they pay for it

except, well... roman's heart isn't feelin so broken anymore

it's actually feeling pretty put together. really functional. functioning really fast. especially when roman's looking at remy. or when remy's lookin at roman. or when they smile. or when they laugh. or when they speak. or when they-

roman doesn't fall asleep until 2am that night, heart still racing a bit, screaming into his pillow a bit as he acknowledges he is wholly and totally head-over-heels for his bodyguard

he tells remy the next day he's done with dating for a bit, saying he's still upset over being stood up. he doesn't mention that it's also bc remy's ruined all other people for him

things try to fall back in routine from there, but it's a bit harder when roman's trying to not be so in love with someone who just works for him. and remy's definitely started pickin up on it too- they had asked him just last if he was okay, that he didn't seem as upset by remy takin his clothes anymore, and that didn't seem like him, was he getting sick?

the opposite, actually, absolutely nothing makes me feel better then seeing you walk around in my shirt or jacket or whatever else, please never stop and also kiss me?

roman just said he was tired

eventually... roman decides this can't keep going on. remy's giving him more weird looks these days, and roman is pretty sure being around remy so much without Any kisses is starting to cause brain decay (it's not, it's really not, remy always bein on his mind is just a side effect of.... pretti........). so, he takes matters into his own hands

admittedly, maybe firing remy wasn't the best way to go, given remy immediately demands to know why, what they did wrong, even asking if roman's being blackmailed into this

"blink once for yes, twice for no" remy asks, lowering the sunglasses they always have on to look directly at roman's eyes

roman doesn't blink for a full minute. he might not be breathing for that minute either. has he ever seen remy's eyes this close? has he ever seen them at all? they're such a brilliant shade of brown. roman could drown in them. he might be already

roman's pretty sure he started this conversation standing up, but maybe not, because when he finally blinks and remembers things outside of remy's eyes exist he's sitting down and remy looks extremely concerned

"okay... what's wrong, hun?" they ask, and oh no, they look so sad, and worried, and that's not good, roman should fix that right now, regardless of whatever he was doing before (he's forgotten)

"im gay" he responds intelligently. this will fix everything

remy, however, just looks confused. "yes?"

"for you" roman adds, helpfully, sure that Now remy will understand they're just really very pretty and nothing's wrong and if they feel bad still they should look in a mirror because then they'll be good again

now it's remy's turn to sit in silence, expression frozen in one of shock. they still havent put their sunglasses back on, so roman doesnt mind, bc this gives him more time to stare at remy's eyes

"you're having a breakdown because you're gay for me???" remy finally asks, expression unfreezing to look incredulous and a little hurt

roman returns a similar look. "im not having a breakdown!"

remy scoffs. "yeah, sure, right, that's why you suddenly froze and completely stopped breathing and minorly collapsed after i... look off my shades to look at you..." they suddenly break out in a smirk. "oh my gods, you're a gay disaster"

roman doesn't try to deny it, especially with the knowledge he apparently did stop breathing to admire remy's eyes. they have a point

"how long?"

"since that date you hijacked after i got stood up" roman admits. he finds it extraordinarily rude when remy starts laughing

...until they're pulling out their phone, hurriedly opening up the exact same dating app roman had been using, showing a log of all the dates they had planned- there's only one marked as having actually been attended

same date time and place of the one where roman had assumed he had been stood up

"you broke my heart!" roman says as remy puts away their phone, over-dramatically, not actually giving a damn, just feeling gay and a bit giddy at the thought remy hadnt gone to any of the other dates, just theirs

no longer worried quite as much about roman for the moment, remy's smirk just grows, smoothly moving from being crouched in front of roman to being set firmly in his lap, lazily brushing hair out of his eyes and wow was remy always this warm? and stunning? and perfect?

"i dunno babe... sounds more like i stole it" remy teases, movin from playing with roman's hair to cuppin his cheek, leaning in close and not even bothering to pretend to be looking at anything other than roman's lips. "which, yeah, bad bodyguard etiquette... i hope you can forgive me..."

roman doesn't need his words to answer that tease

[kanohivolitakk]

Have you done Krekka for the ask game? I know you're a huge Nidhiki fan, curious if you have any thoughts on his partner?

I haven't gotten Krekka yet actually. So far I only done Toa Ignika and Axonn for the Bionicle ask game (which Im still accepting). That being said great choice. Krekka isn't necessarily a big favorite of mine (partially because I'm not that fond of the "dumb brute" archetype barring a few exceptions), but I have to admit I do have a soft spot for the big guy. Krekka is a relatively simple character when it comes to characterization/backstory/role in the story (especially when compared to Nidhiki), but that doesn't mean I don't have any "deeper" thoughts regarding him or that there isnt stuff worth discussing.

Anyways some thoughts/headcanons/general musings:

This is a weird thing to start with but... Krekka is kinda adorable for me. I think its kinda this ...overgrown puppy (bulldog??) vibe due to his loyalty and dumbness. I admit BOADH is a big reason for me feeling this way since it gave him a few moments that made me go "AWWW he's so cute". Just..love his loyalty so much.

His undying loyalty makes him stand out for me across the other dark hunters. While many dark hunters we ha e are opportunistic and schemy, Krekka is just...very loyal. Maybe too much so. But I love that he is loyal. Feels refreshing tbh.

And now I cant help but feel that TSO is just "guys stupid but at least he wont double cross me and is easy to keep in check" when it comes to him.

Not to go woobifying villains but I genuinely dont think the guys that bad. Hes just really stupid, overly loyal and doing his job. Its kinda like w Lariska being a decent person despite being a knife happy murder girl although to a much lesser extent since guys a literalminded fool and also just smashy boy.

I do like his backstory of being a former guard who lost his job and started wreck havoc until one day a dark hunter found and hired him. It isnt anything too complex but it works well for his character and explains why he is so loyal to Dark Hunters. It also helps bringing a bit more light to his homeland and I love when we get more info of places through character backstories, makes the world feel more real that way.

Also can Gorast please stop hurting charaxters I like. This is the reason shes my least favorite character in the 2001-2008 storyline that isnt just a glorified extra or a plot device.

When it comes to Krekka, one scene I always think of when I think of him is in BOADH where he temporarily forgot to fly and Nidhiki was just "WAIT A MOMENT LARISKA TOLD ME YOU CAN FLY????" and Krekka just goes "whoops I forgot". That was adorable honestly. You dumb idiot, forgot you could fly.

Also, I know he's kinda "the idiot character", and while I am NOT saying he isn't, I do think its worth pointing out that he's basically literal minded. In BOADH (again) when Nidhiki tried to do that training scenario Krekka basically was like "wait I’m here, there’s nothing there why should I move there". This is

Another thing I really like about Krekka is that how, despite being an absolute idiot and tool, he still is willing to sometimes not take Nidhikis bullshit, see preventing him from getting the Zamor launchers (geez BOADH did a lot for this guys characterization lmao)

I sometimes call him truck boy because his name is one letter off my languages word for truck.

Also unless canon/word of Greg says otherwise I don't think every member of his species is as stupid as him. Like possibly on similar level but still.

It is made pretty clear that Nidhiki couldn't stand Krekka at all, but I do genuinely wonder how Krekka feels about Nidhiki. Based on the little we have I'd say he liked him to some extent or at the very least, didn't hate him to the same degree. I also have to wonder how aware he was about Nidhikis haterd towards him.

I also love the idea that when Nidhiki was mutated, Krekka just...wasnt afraid of him at slightest, no fear in this dumb boy. (I also like the idea he didnt recognize him at first and Nidhiki just, had to explain to his thick skull who he was. It took a while but eventually he got it.)

On a related note, I find it interesting how the LOMN website describes him working with Nidhiki because guy knows where to get the good jobs or something rather than being his goverment (read TSO) assigned partner The way the twos relationship were described makes it feel that by this point the staff hadnt figured out what they wanted to do with Dark Hunters , or if it even was an organization or just these two tools.

Its really interesting for me how Krekkas characterization not only varies between the books/comics (where hes more intimidating and him being a simpleton isnt as pronounced) and the movie (where hes more of a dumbass) but also how his characterization evolved. Like, his loyalty wasn't that pronounced trait but now I feel its just as important part of him as him being a dumbass (which is to say, very interesting)

I remember how the aftoermentoined Metru Nui movie website described that Krekka hated toa to the point wouldve hunted them for free if Nidhiki didnt make sure the two would get paid. I feel this is somewhat early installment weirdness as it isnt mentioned anywhere else but at the same time Krekka being willing to fight without payment sounds 1000% in character if you ask me

Something I have been confused over: when exactly was Krekka recruited to the dark hunters??? The timeline is very vague about this and I wish we knew.

It's been AGES since I watched my home countrys dub of LOMN but what I recall I really liked Krekka's voice in that dub. He sounded more badass and I loved it, the VA had a pretty unique sound. Sadly dont think there is any clips of the LOMN dub, which is a shame. UPDATE: I rewatched the dub and I love the voice itself but felt the voice direction made him sound kinda inconsistent

This is more a "Nidhiki and Krekka related thought" rather than just Krekka related but one thing I really like about Krekka and Nidhiki is that how they are like a more serious and competent take of "those two evil henchmen with contrasting personalities" trope. Often these types of villains are rather goofy, but these two could be rather dangerous as well and I really like that. I also like their dynamic of just doing Nidhiki being done with Krekkas bullshit. One of the main reasons I wish LOMN was a miniseries rather than a movie is because I really wanted more screentime with the two.

On a related note can I JUST SAY I LOVE the way the two compliment/pararell each other. From design (Krekka being bulky mostly blue colored, Nidhiki being slender and monstrous, mostly green colored) to personality (Krekka being foolish and simpleminded but loyal Nidhiki being cunning and ambitious but treacherous) to powersets (Krekka being strong physical attacker, Nidhiki being weaker(??) but faster and more special attacker).Heck, even their backstories have similarities as they both lost their orginal purpose in one way or another and didnt have anywhere to go but Dark Hunters (the main difference being that Nidhiki inflicted his fate upon himself by betraying the toa while Krekka didnt really do anything iirc)

Now for something crossovery, Krekkas and Nidhikis dynamic reminds me a lot of Kronk and Yzma from Emperors New Groove. Yes I have drawn a parody of the "pull the lever kronk" meme, yes I intend to make more screencap redraws. They also remind me a lot of Mummymon and Archenemon from Digimon 02, partially due to the dynamic (smug spider that tries to be cunning and intimidating but gets outclassed by most other villains in that + loyal blue dumb boy) partially due to their ultimate fate being rather similar.

I don't know how familiar you are with the franchise, but Krekka reminds me a fair bit of Gamel, one of the four villain generals in Kamen Rider OOOs, mainly because "the dumb brute major villain that's kinda cuteish and loyal a f while everyone else is an asshole".

I remember reading a p good oneshot fic that was just him accidentally killing a civilian when all he wanted was a hug and...honestly that is p much what I imagine him being like. Guy may be strong, reckless and a fool but like I said I dont think hes all that bad and just a puppy. An overgrown, moronic puppy but a puppy nontheless

For AUs, I remember I have thought once of "What if Krekka survived but Nidhiki died" and just ...guy wouldve been very lost and confused and unsure what to do tbh. He would most likely returned to Dark Hunters but Mata Nui knows how say TSO wouldve felt about that. Its not too complex au yet but I am thinking of developing it further one day.

Thank you for asking.

Sorry this took longer than expected. I had too many thoughts and half of them were deleted so. I hope its worth the wait tho. I do have a lot of Krekka thoughts and tbh wasnt sure if I was even able to get them all here.

(I am still doing the ask game so if anyone wants to send me a bonkle I will try to give thoughts, meta and headcanons on them)

[spookypotato]

Maybe a fic where after Sirius’ ankle is broken initially ( like the first couple of hours after) they think he won’t be able to play again because the doctors thought it was worse than it was and the team are told to prepare for the worst and we get to see their reactions :(

Sorry lol I’m just OBSESSED with your writing, I get so giddy reading them bc they are so so perfect

Thank you so, so much! It means a lot someone enjoys my writing that much. And please dont apologise for giving me good ideas to write and compliments that make my day!💛

Okay, I don't know if this is what you wanted. But I hope you like it anyway! Sorry I took longer than last time. I haven't forgotten about any prompts, I just had a bit of a block.

Characters, again, by the wonderfully talented @lumosinlove! Thank you!💜

The lights were too bright. But Sirius tired to open his eyes anyway. James was sitting next to him. How the hell had he gotten into his house?! Then memories came back, cracking of bones, emergency sirens, a stadium erupting in booing noises.

He was in the hospital. His foot hurt a lot less than he expected, but it was also in a splint at the moment.

As soon as James noticed, that Sirius was awake -or at least had his eyes semi open- he hugged him rather aggressively.

"Mate, idiot, I thought you were dying!", James voice was muffled by the pillows.

"I did tell him, that you would 100% survive, though.", Remus interrupted Sirius thought process.

Not really being able to say anything yet, he just took in the scene he was presented with.

The cubs, off to the far left of his room, had probably just stopped playing a game with Olli. The cards were all over the table and Sirius couldnt even try to guess what they had been playing. But they were all facing him now.

Next to them Kasey sat a bit further away, but clearly in a position were he could look into Logans and Finns cards and observe the game.

In the middle of the room stood Kuny, Nado, Dumo, Thomas and pretty much their whole team. They barely fit into the room.

To the left stood Arthur and Moody, both relieved at him being awake. They had probably been discussing something about the season.

Right on his bed sat James. Still hugging him. Sirius wouldn't put it past him, to just stay like that for the next few days. Lily was sitting next to his bed on the right, reading her magazine. She was clearly not surprised about James' behaviour.

And then there was Remus. Probably sitting the closest to him after, off course James. Right to his left. There was no magazine or playing cards or even his smartphone anywhere close to him. He might have just arrived. Although he did look a bit too tired for that. Remus looked relieved, but also somehow pained.  Sirius didnt know if it was, because of his ankle or because of something else.

His thoughts were interrupted by James, again. "Sirius, are you with us?"

Now the whole room was staring at him.

"Ouais, je suis réveillé.", it came out as a raspy sound. "Can I-", he coughed. "Can I have some water, please?"

James got his water not even a split second after, from his bedside table. He almost spilt the contents over the hospital sheets.

After he drank the entire cup in one go, he put it back next to his bed. He only realised now that there were flowers and chocolate there.

Chocolate- how ironic. No one in a hockey team would ever gift another hockey player chocolate. It wasnt on their meal plan. How long would he be gone, if he was allowed to eat chocolate?! He would be able to play again, right? Panic went through his entire body.

That moment a doctor came in. Everybody looked at her expectantly.

"Mr. Black", she started, "you broke your ankle, and you were in surgery, a few hours ago. I'm glad to see you have already woken up. That's a good sign. I have to inform you however that there were complications with the surgery, so you'll probably not be allowed to leave for at least the next week. Also-"

"I'm sorry, doctor, but that wont be possible.", Sirius interrupted her. "We have a very important game this weekend, and not only do I need to play, but I need to practice. I can stay no longer than today."

I would have been funny, that Sirius Black tried to debate with a Doctor about his body's state, but in this situation the doctors expression seemed to morph into a sad one.

"I wasnt suggesting it, Mr. Black. You will stay here, for at least a week. After that, we'll check on your state and if we decide to let you go home, you'll have to rest for at least 10 weeks to let the bone fully heal"

"But-", Sirius tried to say, but was cut of by the doctor again.

It was like a child complaining about not being allowed to have a certain toy.

"Once your bone has fully healed, you'll need to learn how to properly walk on it again."

"And afterwards I can start practice again?", Sirius sounded like he at least tried to accept his fate. He wouldn't be able to play the whole season.

"I dont think that will be what's happening. I'm sorry to inform you, but at the moment, it doesn't look like your ankle would handle the pressure of being on the ice in a professional state again."

"Does that mean he can never play again?", James asked, his voice sounded a bit shot.

It was only then that Sirius realised again, that he wasnt alone in the room.

"As it is now, no. I'm sorry. It could potentially change, but it is highly unlikely", the doctor told them. Even she didnt seem as neutral now as when she appeared. But then again, all of gryffindor loved their lions. She was probably almost as devastated as any other person in gryffindor.

"Thank you", was the only thing Sirius could choke out. This was all to much information at once.

As the doctor wanted to leave, James got up.

"Cant you bloody do something?! Anything? Please? We need him. Anything?"

The doctor just repeated herself. "I'm sorry, but as of now, the only thing we can do is wait how Sirius body reacts to the injury." With that she left the room, Arthur and Moody following her.

James sat down again. And hugged Sirius tightly and awkwardly, because he was still lying on the hospital bed. "Please tell me if you need anything, Pads.", he whispered.

The rest of the room hadnt said a word until now. Sirius was thankful for it. But they were all staring at him. Waiting for some kind of reaction.

"Guys, I'm fine.", Sirius lied. "How did the snakes game end? I want every detail."

He didnt listen. But he was pretty sure someone explained.

So many emotions were running through his mind.

He was furious. At Snape for hitting him. At the world for making it happen to him. At the doctors for not doing more. At himself for blaming everything else except himself.

He was sad. This was it. His career was over. He would maybe sit on the bench during games, if the team would even let him. He probably wasnt even part of the team anymore. He would be able to come to the first few games. And then fewer and fewer. Until the crowd had forgotten him. Until the team had forgotten him. Until he was just an ex-hockey player, sat in this massive house, alone and unwanted, all over again.

"Sirius.", a gentle voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "Sirius, are you listening?" It was Remus', his hand now on Sirius' arm. As he looked down Loops pulled it away.

"Yeah, no, a bit, sorry." Sirius replied, " I was a bit lost in thought." As the rest of the team almost gave him a another sad look, he added "Just thinking about your new training plans and how exhausted you will all be. Next time you need to show the damn snakes not to mess with lions." This was one of the first times he wished, he could be exhausted with them.

The team didn't laugh. Logan moved his chair closer to Sirius bed.

"Next time we'll win. For you."

"Wow, if I would have known it just needed at hit, to get you more ambitious, I would have been down months ago.", Sirius joked. It wasnt funny. He didn't even laugh himself, although he tried. It came out as a short, bitter one.

The team was staring at him again. It was horrible. He didnt want their pity. He wanted to get back on the ice, now. But he couldn't. He would never be able to skate again. In his life. It was over. Everything was over.

[idjitlili]

What can I say I like a climb.

Thorin xhalf elf!reader

A/n:Bruh imagine having a crush on Andy from the office before just because you had a dream about him dressing up as Gaston and coming to your old high school only to see you slip on the grass. Yeah it happened a couple of months ago when I was still in high school

Summary:growing up as Gandalf's adopted daughter ,being apart of the company only to pass through Rivendell,only to make thorin rage with jealousy

Word count:1921

It was no secret that Gandalf wasnt your real father, you both looked nothing a like. However this didnt stop him loving you like you were his actual child,you werent sure if wizard could have children. You wondered if he ever got horny,it disturbed you but you did wonder. Anyways yiu didnt know your parents ,they were killed by orcs ,Gandalf found you crying as babe ,and thats all you know. You were half elf ,half human ,mostly Thorin didnt like that very much when he found out ,it just meant you lived longer than a human would.

So how you ended up in the company of Thorin Oakenshield was; simply because Gandalf didnt want to leave you with the elves again ,or leave you at home where you could be in more danger. You were more than capable of defending yourself,due to your many vists with Elrond they had trained you very well. You also became best friends with Lindir since he was responsible for most of your training ,plus being your tutor. Lindir was also abandoned as a child but was taken in by Elrond. He grew to become a marchwaden.

Lindir was a shy elf ,as were you ,yet around each other you were very comfortable. Many of your visits he would have to carry to your room ,because you had fallen asleep against him looking at the stars while he told you a story. You both very much enjoyed each others company.

However your feelings towards the dwarven king were much different to how you felt about Lindir. You knew you liked him as soon as you saw him at Bag end ,yes you were very much taken back by his looks ,you swear you fell in love with him right then and there. Of course you thought he could never like you ;he's a bloody king. Oh how wrong you were. He had no choice but to allow you on this quest ,being gandalf,s daughter and all. Gandalf told him to basically to shut the fuck up ,you were coming.

Thorin would never admit it but he did always make sure you were safe,and eating ,covering up with shes such a burden,or whatever. What about when he found out you were part elf? Yeah so you had just bathed and your hair was wet and pushed back and he saw your ears he was like

"you are fucking elf?" he had literally grabbed your elf ,whilst you were standing up ,looking at it ,you had groaned at the contact. Lets pretend that didnt make want Thorin touch your ears more roughly."part,not full,cant you tell compared to elves im an orge." and with that you had pulled your ear from his dwarven fingers walking away. He was left in shock ,how you could thik so low of yourself. shrek is hot though,but you thought you were an ugly orge.Thorin didnt like elves,but he definitly liked you had thought you were absolutely beautiful. With your e/c eyes ,h/l h/c hair,your height ,our form your personality everhting.

Anyways you had just arrived at Rivendell,Lindir hadnt seen you in a while ,and hadnt noticed you yet. You were led to dinner ,with was all veg,you had to agree with ori you could do with some chips right about now,or even some lembas bread. You werent surprised that he didnt recognise you you had developed more in body wise plus you were muddy and wearing a big coat and hat. He had looked for you when he saw Gandalf but when he couldnt see you he assumed you were at home ,he was disappointed..

Kili was sat next to you and Bofur ,he was admiring the elves,saying they didnt have enough facial half. "though that one isnt  bad." he had gestured to a male elf,making the whole company burst out with laughter. "that isnt a  elf maiden." kili face flashed red in embarrassment. You had nudged him still giggling "dont worry,young prince, I know which male elf I would fuck too." you had smirked eyeing lindir ,of course you wouldnt but if you had to you would. The company had laughed again "shes got a dirty mouth laddies." dwalin had pipped up, you smirked pulling off your coat and hat,as the company watched in confusion.

Standing up running over to Lindir ,jumping up onto him wrapping your legs around his waist,arms around his/ next. The company had gasped in shock."is she allowed to do that...?" bilbo had questioned,Thorin watched with a scowl on his face,Dwalin noticed laughing at his friend ,who scoffed. You had pressed a kiss to Lindir's cheek,who's arms now went around your back holding you to him,securely. "mellon, Its been a time." he had spoke placing you down,hugging you briefly. "it has indeed , I missed my bestfriend." you stood in front of him ,smiling ,thorin was still not convinced he was just your friend.

 "youve grown mellon nin." he smiled ,speaking quietly trying to ignore the dwarves ,Thorin almost scoffed louder than a waterfall,as it was obvious what he meant.  The dwarves watched carefually as the next  thing out your mouth really made them think that they really didnt know you. "I know! my breasts have grown finally!" you had literally squished your boobs together over your tunic,making lindir blush in embarrassment ,but laughing. Kili  and fili had watched you ,before looking at their uncle smirking ,he didnt even look at them.  " i meant your slyness," you had giggled at him before hugging him again,before informing him you would talk to him later ,joining the dwarves again.

In which they all stared at you intensely. "so ,you and the elf then?" kili had spoken ,nudging you in the ribs like you had down to him earlier. "yeah we are bestfriends." thorin had scoffed,you had looked at him confused at this gesture. "just friends? right" his tone stern and disbelieving."we have been friends since I was a babe,thats all." you tried to hold eye contact with  thorin but he just looked away with a hard expression. "but you said you rough it up with him." Dwalin tried defending his best bud. "it was a joke thats it,hes my bestfriend that all. not that it is any of your bloody businesses. " you stood up abruptly. "thank you elrond for dinner ,may I be excused."he had simply nodded his head ,you gathered your coat,and hat one for Lindir to come over taking them leading to you to your room.

His hand on your mid back,leading you away from the drama ,Thorin had watched you leave almost gulity for making you upset. Once he had gotten you to your room he had began to sort you a bath ,brushing through your tangled hair first,slowly getting you to relax."Ooooh I'm a dwarf I can give a joke ,but I cant take one, also my nose is bigger than my dick" you had mocked as Lindir finished your hair ,pulling you up shoving you in the bathroom. "you know they are only doing it because Thorin thinks you like me and not him. You mouth gapped open as he shut the bath room door aallowing your privacy.

You couldnt sstop thinking about what Lindir said so much so once you were in your night gown ,exiting the bathroom to meet with Lindir for a stroll in the gardens. You had tripped on your own feet, and Lindir didnt see as he was reading a  book in a chair.  Turns out you landed badly on your wrist ,screamed out in pain,Lindir became sonic rushing to you.You didnt even get a chance to explain before he rushed you to the healers. In which they gave you some herbs for the pain and wrapped up your sprained wrist,putting it into a sling.  

Lindir had held out his arm for you ,and led you to a bench in the gardens  ,your damp hair pushing it out your face in annoyance. Lindir notices this forces you to sit down,before he braids it swiftly ,before a voive clears their throat. Lindir finishes tying the braid off with a ribbon,he places a hand on your shoulder,before bowing his head at at someone leaving. You turn to see Thorin standing in front of you ,you quickly stand,hiding your arm in robe. You knew he would be furious if he saw what happen. His face is unreadable ,he's scowling as usual.

"uh..hi?" you had spoken unsure where to look,just generally confused why he was here. "you aren't together ,but he braids your hair?" he scowls ,you groan in annoyance,walking closer to him. "you know what you are bloody getting on my nerves, dwarf." you had growled out his eyes go wide slightly at your outburst,before returning into a scowl. "for the last time I am NOT dating lindir. The only reason he was braiding my bloody hair was because I sprained my wrist , and couldnt. Secondly even so he can because to elves and humans braids dont suggest we are bloody fucking." you had pointed your left hand ,pointer finger into his chest harshly. You tried not to go weak at the knees ,feeling the muscle he had on his chest.

Yet Thorin had became unbelievably calm as he forced you to sit with him on the bench,by guiding you with his hand on your mid back. "how did that happen?your arm." his hand reached over to move the robe from covering it,his hand lightly grazing the bare skin on your upper arm. Of course you were wearing an night gown under ,just incase you forgot. "..uh..weell i bathed ,then i walked out and tripped over my own feet ,thats it. Before you say anything thats why I was screaming not because lindir had his dick in me." you looked at him deadly serious ,he had sent you smile which was completely new to you.

"I believe you,y/n. I'm sorry for the way I werent around trying to find out if you were free to court?" you had choked at his words. "wait Lindir was right ,you do want to court me?" you had  almost whispered ,he had nodded at you before you threw your one arm around him,hugging him tight ,which he does the same yet carefually,not wanting hurt your arm more.

"Lindir is going to tease me till the end of time,i swear."

bonus~in greenwood .

"and why does a half elf travel with dwarves." Thranduil had asked you circling you both , in reply you had jumped on Thorin ,wrapping legs around his waist.

"what can I say I like to climb" Thorin smirked at the elven king.

"guards remove her!"

"dont tell my dad!"

[wildtorres-a]

surprise, surprise.

WHAT? —  when drew finds lia outside of the torres household at an odd hour, he invites her in, and in turn receives some news that is sure to change both of their lives.

WHEN? —   saturday night, april 11th.

TRIGGERS? —  pregnancy, mention of drugs, mention of death.

FEATURING —  lia rosenburg ( @rosenburg-lia ), brief appearance of mike dallas ( @dallas-micheal )

i cant be pregnant, theres not a possibly way this shit is correct That was all that was going through Lias mind since the night prior. A very restless night of tossing and turning with dreams and nightmares of what was to come. One second dreaming about the perfect white picket fence life, Drew playing catch with their son in the yard. Amelia cooking in the kitchen with their daughter as the animals roamed around. The next her and Drew at each others throats, no ounce of happiness shining on either of their faces. Waking up and staring at the ceiling while she thought of every scenario her little brain could.

Thats how she found herself outside of the Torres residence, creeping down the side of the house. She knew better than to knock on the front door, it was almost midnight and the last thing she needed was Audra on her case for coming to her house so late. She cautiously knocked on the sliding glass door, hoping either Drew or Dallas heard her. Her body shaking, maybe from the frigid Canadian nights and her thin tracksuit. Or maybe it was the anxiety flowing through every ounce of her body as she continued to knock.

drew had alot on his mind, to say the least. he had just gotten back from edmonton a few hours prior, and all he wanted to do was take a shower and go to sleep. he didn’t have any more emotions to give for the night, was both physically and emotionally exhausted. he figured he’d talk to both omar and audra about alex the following day, and see if there was anything they could do to reunite the siblings. figuring that he could at least eat a bowl of cereal, being that he hadn't eaten anything all day, he started making his way down the steps and towards the kitchen.

it's only a few seconds later, that he hears the gentle knocks against the glass, and he raises his eyebrows in confusion at who it could be, especially at this time at night. he makes his way over, moving the curtain to see the girl he’d been thinking about since he got home, amongst all the chaos. quickly, he unlocks the door, opens it, and pulls her in. “lia, what are you doing here?” he questions, not unhappy to see her. “you’re freezing,” he comments, pulling his nike jacket off and draping it around her petite shoulders. “come on,” he grabs her hand, and leads her up to his room, forgetting about what he'd initially went downstairs for. thankful that everyone else is asleep, he closes the door before making his way over to her and connecting their lips.

she saw his figure as he came downstairs, even in the barely there lighting she could tell it was him. she wasnt sure what to expect, the last time she had laid eyes on him she slapped him. but she didnt know what else to do at this stage, she had already spoken to Vanessa, put it out into the universe. drew was her best friend once, she should be able to just talk to him about it, she hoped anyway.

Her face lit up, not that she was aware, or if drew had even noticed. But the second her eyes landed on his face, you could see something in her perk up. even with the hostility she held towards the boy at the moment, he always held a special place in her heart and it felt nice to see him again. "I needed to talk to you," She spoke softly, her eyes meeting his for a second, "thank you," sliding her arms through the jacket and tugging it around her petite frame. her eyes trail to their hands, a soft smile on her lips as she followed him to his room. Taking the brief second to look around before his lips were on hers. Almost forgetting the reason she came as she melted into it. A few minutes into the heated makeout session, it was like a spark in Lia as she pushed Drew away, "No, we need to talk," She spoke sharply, as if realizing she had made a mistake or something. She hadnt meant to come and hook up with Drew, that had been the furthest thing from her mind. "Plus someone said he wasnt good for me," She spoke with a pointed tone as she sat on his bed, tucking her legs into a pretzel shape.

the brunette had been trying to make sense of his thoughts about the girl he’d been trying to avoid for the past week. trying to decide if they had done the right thing that memorable night, if they ruined their friendship, in the right way or wrong. it was clear that the thought of her hadn’t left his mind, the feel of her lip gloss against his lips, how something as simple as her touch made him fill with warmth, the way her eyes shined when he made her laugh or smile. he’s not sure exactly what this entails, but there’s some part of him that’s kicking himself for not having seen this before. how was it possible that amelia rosenburg had been there all this time, and he was only now noticing how great she really was.

and suddenly he's so glad that she’s here. not even just for sex, now having noticed just how hard it was to stay away from her. wanting to text her every time he heard a funny joke, or came up with an idea for their next scheme, or just wanting to hear about her day. — and still, he liked her enough to keep his distance, she deserved far more than he could give her, everyone did. “i’m all ears,” he says once they're in the room. lips moving along with hers in sync, tongue slipping into her mouth, until suddenly she pulls away. still wanting to be near to her, he sits down beside her, and pulls her soft hand back into his, bringing her closer. “i think we’ve established that i’m an idiot,” he grins, before letting out a sigh, “but i’m not, good for you. still i have something to tell you,” he gazes into her eyes, “i wasn’t at a motel fucking some girl, i was… looking for my birth mom. she-” still has great difficulty uttering the words, and yet he swallows and tries again. “she overdosed about three months ago, and she left because she never wanted me,” hold backs the pain that washes over him, but can’t stop his jaw from clenching. “i thought about her for years, and she just didn't want me” the words fall from his lips slowly, taking it all in.

while lias feelings hadnt stayed the same about drew the whole friendship, she knew for certain he was a staple in her life. sophomore year lia wouldve been more than ecstatic to find out what had transpired between the teens. her feelings for the male at an all time high, something had been telling her that he had felt the same back then. only to find out he was with her cousin, and she was happy for them. but there was something about how easily he made things feel okay. made her feel happy with a simple text, if something happened in her day her first instinct was to send him a long snapchat about it.  spamming him with memes on hastygram, the little things they did for eachother. but now, things had changed, and all the feelings she pushed down, pushed away because she knew their happiness was important. they came bubbling up, the only thing circling her mind being drew torres, and what a lovely thought it was.

finding herself in his room, the air thick with several emotions, each more unknown than the last. but it felt okay, felt right to be there with him. suddenly realizing how much she needed him, he made the little things important. he knew her little quirks and habits, if there was a dog he had to point it out if she hadnt seen it already, so she could go pet it, and he became her photographer for it. he knew her coffee order like it was nothing, if they went out to eat he knew her order, knowing to get the tomatos out of all burgers or salads. he paid attention to the details, and it made lia feel cared for. by someone in her life, for something other than her body or connections. Shifting closer to the male, her hand wrapping around his,"Youve always been an idiot," she joked, shaking her head lightly, before resting it on his shoulder, "Youre great for me Drew, why cant you understand that?" She spoke softly, lifting her head as she turned to face him. Meeting his gaze, her thumb softly rubbing circles on the back of his hand as he spoke.

She listened as he spoke, letting him get out what he needed to. But she also didnt know what to say, she hadnt expected the words that had fallen from his lips. "Im sorry you had to find out the way you did, I cant even begin to imagine how that feels. Nor will I pretend to know how youre feeling right now," She spoke, knowing that would never be enough for him to hear. shuffling herself closer, wrapping herself around him in a hug. "But with that being said," She began, taking a deep breath, "Im sorry that she choose drugs over an amazing man with a heart of gold. Someone who looks for the best in people, and just wants to grow and become better. I know you dont see it, you see the bad. But god Drew, there is so much good," She spoke, glancing up to meet his gaze as she spoke. "Its her fault for choosing not to be a part of your life, her fault for choosing the substances over you. You can not put any blame on yourself baby, none of it is your fault," She spoke, not sure if he had even felt that way, but it felt right to say.

drew knew that this situation wasn’t the best, him having dated her cousin only a year earlier. had fallen in love quickly amongst the many late nights staying up on the phone, the many days spent either hanging with their larger group of friends or interesting dates, and getting to know each other’s each and every detail. it was unbelievable to think that just a few months ago, drew was venting to lia about tori’s all but expected disappearing act. they quickly become closer than they had when tori was present, drew often hanging out with lia when his thoughts became too much. and in those moments, although he hadn’t really noticed it, he stared to pick up on her details. not really giving it a second thought, he placed her on the same shelf that vanessa and becky were on, chalking her up as another best friend. now that things had drastically changed between them, he indeed knew it was messy to be romantically involved with both cousins, even more so them being as close as they are, and degrassi would have a field day when they catch wind of what’s been going on behind closed doors. but he can’t find himself to care, at least not enough to fully walk away. to put an end to whatever it is that they have going on, and tell her it couldn’t go any further, hoping things could go back to how they were. she’d been his rock all along. loyal and sweet and always there for him, wanting nothing in return but his company.

he grins at her remark, knowing that in a sense, she’s never really viewed him as an idiot, at least not the way he’s been labeled his whole life. finds solace under her touch. he shakes her head at her words, although some part of him wants to believe her. to believe that he’d do anybody good. but god, he ruins everything he touches. “because i’m not, lia,” he remarks, “i'm not as smart as the other guys. i mess up. i always say or do the wrong thing. you’re better off”

he finishes, holds his emotions in as well as he can, has already told himself that he wouldn’t drop another tear. and he draws a breath, and allows her to comfort him. doesn’t shy away or tell her that she’s wrong, just leans into her embrace, and lets her words sink in, having already shown her his vulnerability. can’t help the pull at his heart strings as she talks further, silently wondering what it was he'd done to get someone like her in his life. many girls have talked drew up, seeing only his features — sharp cheekbones, electric blue eyes, handsome face, and the rebellious personality to match. nothing any of them have ever said has effected him in the way she had right now, only speaking with raw emotion, her eyes telling it all. he cups her right cheek, slowly leaning in and giving her a kiss full of passion, not even attempting to slip his tongue in, more concerned with her getting a feel for the emotions he has stored for her. pulling away, he removes his hand. “thank you,” he smiles, weakly, but still there. “for everything. you’re seriously amazing,” he compliments. his mind going back to her initial statement, recalling the faint urgency in her voice as she pulled away from the first kiss he brought upon her lips. knows when something’s bothering her and is intrigued on what it is she has to tell him. “now, what did you need to tell me?” curiosity shining in blue hues.

it seemed like the world had been moving in fast forward the past couple of months, between the closest females in her life both leaving and coming back, her connection to both luke and drew growing over the course of them. while Luke would always hold a part of Lias heart, since they spent day in and day out with one another, drew captivated her. she just wanted to know if he was ok, that he felt cared for and wanted, chalking it up to being a good friend. But she also found herself wanting to just spend time with Drew, even if they were sat in silence, his presence was enough to make the dark seem light in her insane life. And maybe she knew there was always a thought in the back of her mind, the idea of something more. And if you were to tell her this time last year, that she'd find herself wrapped around Drew Torres  going to tell him she was pregnant, she'd label you as crazy.

She rolled her eyes at his words, "Im not as smart as the other girls, i tend to become a bitch if I dont get my way, i use money as a means of happiness when its not. My list could go on and on drew," She spoke, "We all have our issues, our flaws that we look in the mirror and point out. Or say to ourselves with that little voice. And I will be here to show you how amazing you are when it gets to loud," A smile sent his way, "I couldnt begin to imagine life without you Torres, so please dont try and leave it,"

his touch felt gentle on her skin, different than the other moments between them. this was something different, there was something laced in the kiss between both parties. but she still found herself sinking into it, feeling on top of the world at the feeling she got. something telling her everything would be ok. "I wouldnt say amazing, but ill always be here," A small shrug, before her eyes trained to a spot on the floor. Slowly unraveling herself from Drew, as she thought of what to say. Partially because through Drew unloading his story, she had semi forgotten why she had came there in the first place. How do you tell someone youre pregnant? Let alone the last person you ever thought would be in the position with you, and had just informed you of his own family problems, that he didnt need added to. Her fingers pulling and spinning the ring sat on her hand, her gaze unwavering from the pile of clothes sat on his floor. "Um," she began lightly, "I wasnt feeling all that well, and I had realized I missed my period," her fidgeting becoming faster as her mind worked over the words. Admitting them to Vanessa was different, vastly different than telling Drew. She glanced up briefly meeting his eyes before her gaze fell back to the floor, "So I headed to the little corner store from my place," A deep breath as she quietly, almost silently spoke, "The test came back positive drew,"

it was no secret that ever since he stepped foot, or wheel rather, back in toronto, his mind couldn’t find anything good to focus on. in the span of one night, he’d uncovered the reason his mother had left, uncovered that she had given up both her children, that he had a sister he’s never known about that was fifteen years old, adopted, and didn’t have a clue about her dysfunctional family, and the fact that he’d never receive the closure he’d been needing for so long. only having the words of her former boyfriend to go by. he hadn’t really expected to talk about it with anyone, forcing it down, and having the mindset of just going numb, avoiding the thoughts at all costs. and yet, found himself venting to lia the first chance he gets. something about her had always been so comforting, so understanding, and drew doesn’t think he could have felt better about opening up to anyone else. another part of him wanting her to know that she’s the only girl he’s been with sexually for weeks, hell, he hasn’t even been entertaining other girls, unread messages from his usual conquests building up in his phone.

as he hears her start to list her flaws, he frowns a bit, knowing that she’s only doing it because he had, to prove a point. but he can't help but hope she gives herself a little more credit than that. “i happen to think you’re perfect,” he comments, letting her continue, until there’s a bright smile on his face. realizing that in all of this mess, all of the bad thoughts, and words he hadn’t meant, and just attempting to dodge her in general had hurt her. the expression of pure sadness that flashed across her face when he pushed her away at the party, the smack she’d given him at school, he’d been stupid to think that it would last long, stupid to have ever started it. “i’m sorry,” he gets out, “for acting like an ass and pushing you away, you deserve better than that, and i want you in my life too” he gives her a charming smile, although his eyes shine with honesty.

this would be the fifth time he had been rendered speechless. the anticipation of what would end up leaving her lips, what happened to be so important that she’d made her way here in the middle of the night, a quarter to midnight. with it being so late, he feels she should just stay the night. audra had the day off tomorrow, and with his luck, she slept in till the afternoon, giving the two enough time to come up with the story that she’d come over earlier in the morning if she was still here by then. as lia moves away, drew can’t help the furrow of his eyebrows, and the assumption that whatever it was she’d say wouldn’t be something small. takes note of her timid actions, the way she doesn’t meet his eyes as she talks. and then the words ‘missed period’ sets an alarm off in his head. his eyes widening, along with the beat of his heart, as she continues. stops himself from asking ‘and?’ allowing her to go at his own pace. and his mind flashes back to that night, the rush of it all, the sensual touches, heavy breathing, and the lack of condom, as he spread her legs and lined himself up. too eager to feel all of her, he hadn’t even given it a second thought. and suddenly she’s saying the words he anticipated, and even though he had a feeling where this was going, it still catches him completely off guard. “i–” he starts, doesn’t finish, runs a hand through his hair, as he processes all of the information. “woah,” he breathes out, the words repeating in his mind over and over on a loop. meeting her eyes, he glances over her, can’t stop his eyes from trailing over her stomach. “it–it’s okay, are you okay? do you need some water, or some ice cream? cause i can run to the store,” he's rambling a mile a minute, still in partial shock.

Everything was easier with Drew around, she didnt have to act a certain way or put up any defensive barriers. she had never been one to open up to a lot of people and tell them her thoughts and feelings. let alone on a consistent basis if she did, choosing to pretend that everything was find and that she didnt have any. but with drew she would just talk about things, whatever came to mind she would share with him. knowing he would listen, maybe make a stupid comment, but hed listen. that was what she needed for so long, just someone to listen to her and show her she was cared for. that was part of what Drew did for her, made the dark seem a little lighter. she had felt herself pulling from the other guys in her life, even Luke who she had finally got where she thought she wanted him. but she found herself wanting drew, in more ways than one. but she didnt know how to articulate that to him, to explain what she wanted from whatever it was they had been doing.

"Perfect may be a bit of a stretch," she chuckled, "But go on," She teased, a matching smile coming to her face. she hated admitting her weaknesses, and when she couldnt hide her emotions from Drew at the party it was like a part of her exterior cracked. the walls she had formed between the two had been broken, and she realized she was back in love with him, or the idea of him for now. she didnt like the idea of a life without him in it, and hated feeling like she was disposable from his life. She didnt enjoy slapping him at school, but the petty bitch in her had taken over, and she was putting the walls back up piece by piece. hoping it wouldve helped her feel better, to work through what was happening, but it didnt. "I dont know why you did it, but Im sure you had your reasons," She shrugged, "But dont think Im gonna let it fly again. You are stuck with me Torres, learn to deal with it," She spoke, a smile spreading across her features as she sent a wink his way.

She didnt know how he would react, expecting anger, or confusion. maybe some accusations or denial. she wasnt positive if they had used a condom or not, she didnt remember seeing a single wrapper around the hotel room. and she sure hadnt brought any on their spontaneous trip, and she didnt think drew had either. when she saw the word pregnant on the stick, her world shifted. but she could remember the night clear as day, every touch, every breath, every word, and even the moment she felt him skin to skin in the most intimate way. she was nervous for his reaction, glancing at him with watchful eyes as he processed it. her hand running through her hair with a sigh, waiting for him to say something, put her at ease somehow. but she didnt expect him to ask her about food, her brows scrunching together as she looked up at him,"I...why would I want food? its damn near midnight?" She spoke, shaking her head, "Im like a couple weeks at best, there is no way im out here craving ice cream already dumbass," She spoke with an eye roll, a teasing tone on her voice however, as a smile played at her lips. "But thank you, the effort is appreciated and not unnoticed,"

it wasn’t difficult to see that drew had a lot on his plate, his eyes didn’t have that same spark it always had, he hadn’t been able to focus in his classes despite the fact that clare was definitely a huge help and he’d been showing improvement the week before. every time he closed his eyes, he seen rocky’s face, his cheeks upwards in glee, his heartwarming giggle, the way his face lit up when he would bring him some toys or pizza. and now, it had only gotten worse, and he would see his mother’s grave as well. the white roses he’d laid before her tombstone, as he said both hello and goodbye the only chance he was given. it also wasn’t hard to see that being around lia in their small moments had managed to do him some good. finding himself forming a warm smile, or chuckling at one of her jokes, taking him out of the dark he’d lately gotten used to. it wasn’t unusual, them being friends for years, and drew finding it very easy to unwind around her. but he'd be lying if he said he hadn't been thinking about them in a romantic dynamic, and he'd be lying even more if he said he didn’t consider it, taking their friendship to the next level, giving them a try to see where it leads, despite the backlash he knows he’ll receive for dating both cousins who consider the other as a best friend, the same cousin he assumes is soundly asleep in the guest room four doors down. but they’ve gone too far in to stop now, the way he sees it, it makes more sense to go for it, even if right now isn’t exactly the best time. perhaps he’ll wait, doesn’t want to have to hide around the beginning of their relationship if they do decide to make something out of it, wait until all of the chaos simmers down, before he makes any big decisions. and yet, he can't stop the part of him that yearns to kiss her whenever she’s nearby and the scent of her perfume clouds his thoughts.

“it definitely isn’t,” he counters, can’t help how easy it is to play along with her words. and he’s only now noticing that she doesn’t have to try too hard when the roles are reversed either. he accepts her request, eyes locked on hers. “you're gorgeous, and you're smart whether it’s street or book wise, you always go out of your way to help your friends, you’re fun as hell, and i haven't been able to get you out of my mind the past few days.” the surprise on his face is evident, not meaning to actually voice the last part, but it’s too late to take it back now. he had always found lia attractive, and now that he thought back, he never considered her a sister figure like he had with maya or vanessa. finds it ironic that a year ago, he was lifting her chin up to remind her how great she was, and to not forget it, had a boy she was interested in not felt the same way back. now he was lifting her chin to place his lips on hers. oh, how the times have changed. bites his lower lip, doesn’t want to repeat his reasons, knows that it’s no good now, since he can’t seem to let go. “what, are you gonna smack me again? cause that was kind of hot” he smirks, sending her the wink right back.

he's not certain if there’s a set reaction for this, a right or wrong. he does however know that his lack of words isn’t exactly comforting, and when he does manage to find words, he’s not exactly proud of them either.  but god, he’s trying his best. hadn’t really expected to have this conversation, but isn't at all making it out to be negative, despite their mess of a situation. he’s not even thinking of it long term, his mind trying to grasp it fully, but he's got too many thoughts, making it difficult to focus on one. he mentally face palms, as his right hand goes to scratch the back of his neck nervously. “yeah, that was pretty dumb, wasn’t it?” he asks, evidently embarrassed. he lets out a breath, taking her hand in his, and making sure he has her full attention. “but it’s gonna be okay, i’m here for you…always.” he reassures, “i’ll take care of you and the baby, whatever you decide.” he kisses her cheek, bringing her onto his lap. “stay with me here tonight?” he pleads, as his hand hesitantly hovers over her stomach, his mind trying to imagine a human growing inside. “and we can set up a doctor’s appointment one of these upcoming days. it’s going to be alright, baby. it’s all going to be okay.” he repeats, kissing against her hair. he's not sure if he believes it himself, but he can only imagine how she feels and he'd be damned if he wasn’t going to try his best to make her feel at ease.

For as long as she could remember, Lia had problems expressing her feelings to others, even if they were good ones. Her parents would always brush her off or give her a, that’s wonderful sweetie, even when she was a toddler, crying in the doorway, her stuffed dolphin held firmly in her grasp. If she went to her siblings, they werent accepting of her feelings, her being the youngest she didnt have nearly as much to deal with. That she was a kid and they wouldnt last, over within ten minutes. But that all stuck with Lia as she got older, forming her connections in the world. Tori being the main person she could find herself getting lost in conversation with, going over all the details on certain topics. And then Drew came into her life, and she had another person to talk to, someone that made it easy to talk to. But anyone with two eyes could see how easily the two souls fit together, how simple it was for the two to just exist. Lia had known from a young age she thought of Drew as more of a friend. She remembered distinctly the day she realized she saw him differently, as someone she could see herself with romantically. It had been a rough day for her at her house, a fight with her parents having broken out once again, and Lia needed out. A text to Drew was sent, and within seconds he replied and they agreed to meet at the park. It was midnight. She had never experienced someone caring enough to risk their own ass just to make sure she was ok, and they were barely friends then. But it solidified Drew into her heart, and the feelings she once held were back in full force. But she wasnt gonna ruin what they had, she wasnt gonna let herself ruin the one good thing going for her, even if it wasnt entirely what she wanted. But the part of her that wanted nothing more than to be held and kissed by Drew was thriving, and loved every second of their life. She was scared for the future, with her feelings, but she was prepared to let Drew have them if he wanted them.

A shy smile broke across her face, his eyes filled with such honesty she couldnt help the blush that was rising to her face at his words. Her eyes widening slightly at the end of his statement, taking in the look of shock on his face, but his eyes still held with honestly, and a little something else that she couldnt place. “That makes two of us,” She spoke softly, biting her lip. “You remember that guy I was complaining about breaking my heart last year?” She questioned, her heart skipping a beat as she spoke. A surge of confidence flowing through her, even if for a brief moment she let herself believe that he felt the same. Smiling into the soft kiss he gave her, her hand resting on his leg. Simply needing to just touch him. “Well if someone didnt try and do stupid shit maybe I wouldnt have to,” She chuckled, “Glad to know Im hot when im angry,” a small shrug with a smirk on her lips.

She let him go at his own pace, contemplating just laying down while she waited, but decided against that. She knew he was trying, and that was all she could ask. The thoughts going through her head were impossible to process, she couldnt imagine being the one to have gotten the girl pregnant. “It wasnt dumb,” she spoke with a small head shake, “Its cute,” A small smile on her face, her eyes glancing at their hands before looking at him. Her eyes tearing up at his words, never having heard them with such sincerity before. Allowing herself to be brought into Drews lap, breathing in his scent, her body instantly relaxing into his. Realizing just how tired she was, having barely slept for the past week. Between worrying about Drew and her fight with Tori, and now this pregnancy. She needed a good nights rest. “I know you will baby,” A whisper as she kissed the base of his neck softly, “I want nothing more than to wake up in your arms tomorrow,” her sleep deprived brain not even processing her words. Her eyes glancing down to his hand. Softly pressing it against her stomach, her hand resting against his as her eyes futtered shut. Listening to him speak, and nodding along softly with his words, “Youre here,” She spoke, “You didnt push me away, or yell at me. Or accuse me of anything. Thats more than enough for me,”

he recalls his first time seeing her, the memory still being so vivid, despite the years that have passed by. she was degrassi’s new student and from what he heard, she was turning heads and had most of the student body doing double takes. he'd seen her in the midst of meeting the coach to talk about his slip up in grades, knowing that he would be able to persuade him easily since his latest grade point average weren’t too much lower than the required minimum. and when he finally spotted her in the hallways, he’d understood what all the fuss was about. he hadn’t been the type to stare, at least not too noticeably, but he just couldn’t look away. she was pretty, gorgeous even, and the outfit she was wearing only made her all the more alluring. the skirt she had on wasn't too short, but he remembers trailing up and down her legs. remembers that he had to turn himself away, had to remind himself what he even was walking this way for, having lost all train of thought. and by lunch time, he’d spotted her out of the crowd with a quickness. dallas settling down, tray in hand, following his gaze. remembers his eyes scrunching up in confusion when dallas tells him to not waste his time. and minutes later, it all makes sense when tori and vanessa come to the table, new girl following behind, and tori introduces everyone to her cousin who’d just transferred. he recalls the visible shock that seeps past his face, before he smiles, greets her, invites her to their table for the long run, and pulls tori into his lap, pecking her on the cheek. by the end of the week, they'd all made friends with the girl, and it was as if she’d been apart of the group all along. no signs of awkwardness or hesitation among the group. drew pushing the two second interest and attraction he'd developed for her to the back of his mind, until it was completely gone. and now he wonders, if it ever really left, or if he knew to just not act on them.

that makes two of us. doesn’t stop the smile that stretches across his face, the breath that emits out in relief. he’d only had a half theory that she reciprocated the feelings, but now that he knows he hadn’t been in the wrong whenever the thought of her passed his mind, he’s not so doubtful anymore about asking her to be his girlfriend. yet, he still doesn’t think tonight's the best time, not when there’s so much to process. his eyebrows furrow a bit, “yeah? the idiot who couldn’t see what was right in front of him? what about him?” he questions, eyes looking intently into hers, before he smirks along with her. “oh, hot doesn’t even begin to describe it. you’re sexy when you’re angry” he chuckles softly, not wanting any of the household’s other occupants to hear him.

he knows that everything has changed tonight, just like it had the night they’d let themselves act on their feelings, cross faded no doubt, but cross faded on each other. every touch from the other, feeling like another shot or another hit of the blunt. he smiles at her, reveling in the fact that she didn’t think he was the idiot he was convinced he was. she’d never thought he was dumb, in fact, or at least she never mentioned it. it was the small things like that he appreciated the most about her. the reason he’d always come running whenever she needed. “you’re cute,” he counters, as she settles in his lap, and he feels at ease. resting his head on hers, something about the way they just fit, making him fill with warmth. everything between them right now felt so gentle, filled with emotions instead of their usual sensual touches, hot and needy, and still he feels the fire, albeit a different kind, under his skin as she kisses him softly on the neck. and when she grabs his hand, and leads it to her stomach, laying hers atop, he knows they can get through this together. knows that he wants to try. “of course i’m here, you’re,” he corrects himself, “the both of you are all i need right now” and maybe he’s tired, exhausted even, but he can’t help the smile that spreads at the thought of a little family. he stands, holding her up, and gently laying her down on the bed. “let me get you something to wear so you can be comfortable, and i can put on netflix,” he says, as he makes his way to one of the drawers, getting one of his long t-shirts he knows will cover most of her body, and smiles at the thought. he doesn’t really plan on watching the movie or show, more-so planning on it being background sound while they cuddle. he turns the light off, before making his way back to the bed, and handing her the remote, letting her choose.

she remembers all the distinct moments in their relationship. The first look, their first time talking, the first time she called him because she just wanted to talk, and the list goes on. he made an impression on her, the first time she walked the halls of degrassi. She had just transferred to the school, asking her parents after her assault, begging to be closer to her cousin. she needed to get away from the places and people she had surrounded herself with. finally making the move, she was excited, ready to meet new people and create a new name for herself. walking in, her heels clicking on the tiles as she walked, a small smirk on her face as she saw the looks she received. always relishing in the attention she received, even if it wasnt good attention. she spotted drew before he had spotted her, spotting him as she came around the corner. standing by his locker with who she'd later learn were Dallas, Luke, and Dave. A wide smile on his face as he threw his head back in laughter. she remembered finding his smile beautiful, one of the ones you just always wanted to seen plastered on their face. but she didnt learn his name, didnt approach the group. instead continued watching from afar as she went to her locker, a smirk on her face when she saw drew watching her, the way he had to pause to think about his actions. and she certainly remembered the small twinge of jealousy she felt when she watched him pull her cousin on his lap when she had finally learned his name. but they clicked, she meshed with the whole group, creating a close bond with all of them. Drew being a stronger one than the others, and her feelings growing as the days went on. until she was informed he had asked Tori out, and she felt her heart break, but had no right. neither party knew of her feelings for the boy, and she had to watch as they fell in love, a part of her kicking herself for never saying anything.

A matching smile spreads across her face, a sense of relaxation washing over her. He felt the same, she knew that by the smile. Where it was gonna go from there she wasnt sure, she knew what she wanted. She wanted to be his, to be able to call him hers, and she hoped that was what he wanted at the end of this. Even if not right now, at least when they were both ready, or felt ready to go public given the backlash they were already facing. But her head couldnt stop swarming with the idea of being with Drew, in all aspects of life, and the smile kept growing. Before chuckling lightly, raising a brow at the raven haired boy across from her, “The idiot had fallen for my cousin,” She spoke, biting her lip softly, “But he was a sweetheart about the situation, not knowing who I was upset about, just being there for me anyway,” She shrugged, “Pretty cool guy,” Rolling her eyes playfully at his words, “Youd love to see me jealous then,”

in that moment, she knew that everything was okay. While everything changed, even more than they're cross faded escapade. it felt different, something washed over the both of them that night, and it wasnt going away anytime soon. while they're usual antics were rushed, and sexual. a fire in them both, just from a look. and her body still felt on fire, but it was different. she felt loved, safe, and secure. something she had never felt before, it was new for her, scary even. but Drew made it all seem okay, made every little thing better.  it gave her a sense of comfort, knowing that at a single text or call Drew would be there. in whatever shape or form he could fathom, she knew he would be. "we're both cute," she spoke with a small giggle, almost like she was a little kid with her crush again. a soft smile at his words, "the both of us," she repeated, feeling them fall off her tongue. the words still felt foreign. but it felt right in a way, being there with Drew, and talking about it. about a family, even if its not right now, she knew a family with Drew was in her future, somehow someway, she just felt it. she allows herself to be placed on the bed, a smile as she watches him before she slips from her track suit. immediately slipping the shirt over her head, slipping under the blanket, curling up into it. taking the remote and putting on shameless, more so for background noise, and if she did want to pay attention she wouldn't be lost. turning back towards Drew, a small smile on her face as she curled into him. her head on his chest, one of her legs stretching over his own. "thank you for being so great. I dont know what I did to deserve you, but I'm forever grateful."

there were evident bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep he’d gotten the past few nights. too much tossing and turning and contemplating the new information he’d gotten out of the tragic loss. was he even able to cry? to miss a touch that he couldn’t place. was it selfish? to mourn someone you didn’t really know. to mourn a loss you didn’t really take. at least, not in the way others had. he’d spent many a night turning on netflix, hoping to get some type of distraction, only for the appeal to fade, and the gears in his head would be at work again. he turned to weed, opening the window and spraying a huge amount of cologne, hoping the smell hadn’t left his room, and even then, it only made him think of it more. the thoughts never leaving, and he knows if he knew now would he hadn’t then, he would of stayed home and saved himself the heartache. he even thought to reach out to the other teenagers in the house, but decided against it, talking about it, made it real and he couldn’t relive it. couldn’t get through all of the details, scared that once he started, he’d never stop. there's a part of him that knows him telling her what he had, wasn’t enough to ease the pain, and he was still very much holding it all in, the pain will eventually build up, and drew will have no choice but to let it consume him. it’s inevitable. but she was here, and he was laughing and smiling, and that was as much as a fix he could ask for tonight.

he recalls the upset look on her face, having come to pick her up from her parent’s house, at an hour that audra would definitely not have been happy with, but he’d heard the tone of her voice, and it took all of three minutes to slip on a jacket, grab his car keys, and head out to the car. he remembers taking her to the park, him finding any way he could to make her laugh, as they sat on the swings, him giving her a push every now and again. and as the wind picked up, and it got later, he finally asked her what was bothering her, despite it being on his mind the whole time. remembers holding her hands in his face, telling her to never cry over a boy, especially not one who was dumb enough to let her pass by, his voice comforting and friendly, as he tells her all of her good qualities and that anyone who didn't see that wasn’t worth it. now that he was back in the room, and she'd said what she had, he was slowly connecting the dots. ”it was me?” his eyes widen only a little, as he thinks back to all of the times it'd just been the three of them hanging out, the others having something to do. and suddenly, he feels like the world’s biggest idiot. feels bad about all of the times they’ve kissed or hugged or any form of affection in front of her. but there’s a hint of happiness there too, and he knows it’s wrong, but their situation isn’t exactly the most innocent anyways. “it was me,” he repeats, more of a statement this time, before he surges forward and pulls her into a passionate kiss, pulling back breathless. “aw damn, guess i’ll never get to see it, since you’re the only girl i’ve got my eyes on” lips curling into a smile.

“damn right,” drew smirks, “just imagine how cute our kid will be,” he jokes. it's all still new to him, but he's processing it, albeit only being told mere minutes ago. he knows they’ll be eighteen around the corner, and even though legally they were to be adults, everyone would still deem it irresponsible. and audra, he didn’t even want to imagine her reaction. but things weren’t all bad, perhaps he’s looking through rose colored glasses, but despite the bad timing, he could see the upsides. the football that was supposed to be rocky's sitting atop his dresser, and he feels hope, hope that if he has a son, or a daughter, he’s not picky, that they can share a bond just as strong. that he won’t be a failure of a parent. perhaps this baby will turn his whole life around, motivate him to become a better man. and as they lay against the sheets, him having slipped in beside her, so that he was on the outside, her closer to the wall, his arm drapes around her, as he chuckles at the intro of the show, only having seen a couple episodes, because she'd wanted to watch it. he slips his fingers through her locks, hoping that it’s relaxing her. “shh, there’s no one else i’d rather be with” he answers simply, “now get some sleep baby”

"it was you," she confirmed with a small nod, a soft smile playing her lips as she watched Drews face. The look of shock, then confusion, the brief flash of guilt that made her brows scrunch for a moment before a small giggle as she kissed him back. holding both sides of his face, a wide grin on her face and her eyes shining with nothing but love for the man sat before her. "our kid will be the cutest," she spoke, pushing all the negative thoughts out of her mind. her families reaction, the doctors appointments, the perception people would have on them as teen parents, all of it being shoved away as she found herself enamored with Drew. her body melting into his as her eyes closed, a soft kiss placed to his chest before she fell asleep, nothing but joy sitting on her mind for once.

the next morning

Dallas stood in the kitchen, waiting for the cheese to melt over the egg before moving it to the toast he had ready. Laughing along with what Adam was saying, both having already devoured two sandwiches before the third brother even awoke. "Im telling you his bitch ass has a hangover. Ill bet money on that shit," He spoke with a chuckle, placing the egg on the bread. "Imma go wake his ass up, and he better be grateful for this shit," Shaking his head, making sure to turn the stove off before leaving the kitchen. Plate in hand as he roamed the halls of the Torres' home humming softly to himself before he found himself in front of Drews door. Laying a small knock on the door before twisting the knob, his eyes widening at the sight of limbs wrapped around one another. Not getting a glance at the females face before he grabbed the football off the dresser, making sure to only hit Drew as he sent it towards the pair. "Yo Torres," He hissed out.

it wasn’t long before the brunette too fell asleep, albeit it was only after she had. wanting to make sure that she was fully at ease, her mind not swirling with thoughts, keeping her awake as he lay beside her, hands still at play in her hair. and when he finally relaxes, turns the tv off with the remote, the room now completely dark, he closes his eyes and lets slumber overtake him. 

and just like he expected, it’s one of the best rests he’s managed this past week. can’t recall when exactly it was that he'd fallen asleep, but he smiles when he wakes up, the sight of lia on his chest, her still asleep, and him still half asleep. he pulls her closer, before closing his eyes once more and easily drifting back to sleep. eyes shoot open quickly when he feels the sudden contact, mind not registering until he’s already sitting up in bed. and when he looks over to see a confused dallas with a plate of food in his hand, he sighs in relief. knows he has to explain, but finds this to be a breeze, rather than if omar or audra had walked in and seen them. ”long story, but i’ll definitely explain later” he breathes out, as he stands, only to walk towards dallas and take the plate that’s evidently for him. “thanks,” he looks over to lia, who stirred a bit in her sleep, and then back to dallas, “now, how fucked am i?

[blackgirlblues]

Being A Black Girl: And Chasing Your Dreams.. Yikes.

Hi, 

It’s me, your resident black girl back with some new shit to rant about. I’ve been posting a few screenshots of short poems and paragraphs I’ve been writing on my phone as a way to heal and get over Capricorn boy from my last post on here and I see you guys like and reblog. Thank you for showing love, although it makes me sad that so many of you seem to be going through the same range of emotions I am. I’m sorry. 

I know it’s a lonely place to be in. 

But, on the bright side, I’ve got a lot of new followers joining the diary/manual/rant page that is blackgirlology and it’s nice cause I think it’s becoming a little bit of a community. So, in a way, were never really going through any of these emotions alone. If you’ve found this page-you’re part of a community. Bask in it. 

Anyways, that aside, a lot has happened since I last spoke to you. I don’t know if any of you may remember, and for some new people this will be a surprise. But I’m actually a singer songwriter from Ireland. Moved to London a year and a half ago to pursue my music dream and that’s how I met Capricorn boy whos been the source of all my poems. 

Throughout this time in between, I’ve been trying to chase my dreams, and chase them relentlessly. and this summer i did just that, let me tell you, what im about to tell you guys, is to put it simply, wild. I’ll just cut to the chase. 

It all started in July. I’d been in London for quite a long time now, over a year and now have a manager who’s my best friend first and foremost. We’ll call her Maya. I met her in my first week of moving to London in the student halls I was staying at and we became best friends pretty quick. She studies music business, so it made sense and she just naturally ended up taking up the role as my music manager. Shes seen everything. The songs I wrote about Capricorn boy, the tears, everything. And she saw everything this summer. 

I saw an ad for a record label opportunity in London. It was advertised on my university facebook page; a new indie label, looking for demo submissions for a competition they were setting up to find their new signee. I sent a screenshot to Maya who agreed I should send my stuff in. I did, they liked it, I got a meeting, we were sent terms and conditions for the competition. We signed it, the rest was supposed to be history. 

Big yikes. 

There’s so many layers to this story that I will be shortening it, just because it can get very draining for me to talk about or even write about. I’ve healed from it i think, but I still want to put it here and write it about to finally close that chapter and be done with my feelings about what happened to me and my music. 

Basically, the whole competition, the record label, the dickhead CEO, it was all a scam. I had accidentally signed away the master rights to my new song to a record label started by a fake CEO who was committing fraud and known for tricking young artists into handing over their master rights so he could profit off of them, for power. 

It was a mess. Another contestant told me and Maya when we were outside of their office. Just minutes before we were under the impression that I was doing an interview for Billboard Magazine. Honestly, I never truly believed it. Shit was too good to be true. 

But she told us everything. How he was actually a run away from Spain, where he was caught and exposed for doing the exact same thing to artists there, how he didn’t have any money to fund the competition he had somehow roped all of us into, how he was illegally avoiding paying his team, how none of the creatives we had collaborated with for photoshoots etc were paid, how everything was a lie, how he didnt have any connections, and how he was trying to convince me specifically to sign a 360 deal with his label. 

Which, guys, I’m not stupid. After the first week of being with the label for the competition and letting my song live through their disastrous marketing campaign, Maya and I long decided that regardless of what they said, I would not under any circumstances be signing anything with any entity of their company. 

After being told the truth, I had to sit down. You see, when I came across this opportunity, I thought this was finally the life I’d been manifesting coming true. I had begun to grow in my spirituality and start journaling, writing down my manifestations, and getting to work with a record label who would later offer me a fair contract before I turn 20 was one of the manifestations I had written down every night before I went to bed. However, what I’d gotten was the exact opposite. 

I remember, me, Maya, and 2 of the girls from the competition all stood around in a circle outside of their new office that the CEO also hadnt paid for wondering what our next move would be with this new information. There was still 2 other contestants inside who had no idea what was really going on was an elaborate scam. One of them wanted to go in and expose them on the spot. I said no, we had to go in and pretend like everything was normal until we figured out what to do afterwards. 

So in I went, plastering the fakest smile on my face and pretended like I still thought I was about to be speaking with Billboard Magazine. Once I got out, I broke down in Maya’s arms. 

I went home to my flatmates, Ellie and Bea and cried for hours before I had to go work a 7 hour shift at a pizza place. 

I stayed in bed, and cried, and cried. and cried again. I didn’t get out of bed unless I needed too. The only people I talked too were my flatmates E and B and Maya. 

Everything was sorted out eventually, a lot more happened, but as I’ve been writing this article for you guys, I realised that all of that stuff is no longer relevant to my journey and isnt something I want to bring back into my energetic circle because I’ve made peace with the fact that a lot of people who betrayed me when I was at my lowest, peace with the fact that these contestants who wanted to “work together” to get out of this mess, actually wanted to save their own asses and leave me in the cold. 

But I still got out of it and I’m still here. 

I nearly got sued by a man with less than 20 pound to his company account online, but hey, I’m here.

I guess why I’m telling you guys this really short account of my summer is to both record it for myself but also to say its okay to flop, its okay to fail. I did both this summer. and thank god i did. it was the best thing that ever happened to me. 

following your dreams is scary, doing it as a black girl is terrifying because society has already kind of set you up to fail. there’s already misconceptions about what you do, who you are, where you come from and how good you’re going to be at what you do. its almost like we cant fail and we need to work 10 times harder to obtain half of what the average white person will get. and sometimes it can feel like we dont have any space to fail or make mistakes because of this but let me tell you thats not true. 

if anything, the universe will put you in places that will force you to grow through the mistakes you make. and thats exactly what happened to me this summer. 

i chased my dream so relentlessly i ended up in an environment i thought i manifested, i thought was good for me, only for the universe to show me that that specific environment i’d been wishing to be in is the furthest from what i need right now in my life. 

this so called failure showed me that not everybody who smiles can be trusted, and that people can be way more deceiving than i ever thought, especially when push comes to shove and they need to save themselves. you start to see the real them when it starts to get tense. the people who seem to be around you when you’re doing good will most likely dissapear when things start to go south, including some of your oldest friends. you will get radio silence on their end. be upset. cry. but after that be glad that this situation revealed their true colours. 

and then never put any more energy into them again. 

this failure showed me how fucking strong i am. how resilient and kind i am even in the face of disrespect and actual evil. it showed me how much i can care for someone who i believe is at a risk of losing it all, and showed me that this will not always be reciprocated. and for a while i thought that meant that i had to harden myself up and grow a shell. but i dont think so. i will not allow the things ive been through to make me into a hard person when i was born soft. i mean now, im a little rough around the edges, jagged enough to cut anyone who comes too close with some of that bad energy, but soft enough to hold myself tight and glue myself back together when i need to. soft enough to hold the people who held me this summer. soft enough to help people who i know deserve it. 

im a good person in a shitty world, i don’t need to match the world and become a shitty person to survive. 

after all of this happened, i stopped writing music. 

i haven’t written anything properly or produced anything in months and sometimes i get worried that ive completely lost my talent. but thats another thing that this failure taught me, i can never truly lose whats meant to be mine. i know that i was put on this earth to create change, to inspire, to be an activist and a voice for people who dont have one. i know i was put here to do it through a creative medium and right now i still think that is music. 

i think i just need to stop being so scared to start again, to learn my craft again.

i used to be so scared of failure but now i am so thankful for it and the lessons its taught me. i had so much hurt and pain and hatred in my heart for the universe for, in my head, doing this to me. but then i realised that the universe never does anything to you, it does it for you. all of this happened in my best interest and while i definitely didnt understand at the time, i get it now.

thank you universe for the worst summer of my life. 

and my black ass will be continuing to chase my dreams relentlessly, failing, tripping and falling on my ass until i get to the very top. 

besides, if everything had just gone right, that wouldnt have been very interesting, would it?

[ursoself-satisfying]

Whole Lotta Love

P A T  M U R R A Y (Undrafted) x F!Reader, SMUT 

Warnings: smut, lots of it, language, like all the sex guys all of it guys,,, SPOILER: UNSAFE SEX THEY DISCARD THE CONDOM WRAP IT BEFORE U TAP IT BOYS N GIRLS

A/N: this is my zenic,, its 10k words n I am v tired,,,, I hope you all enjoy sorry its late lol

an accompanying playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/criceloni/playlist/5sP9FcSsFcPjFodxN1E5RY?si=dNK4SdE2RoSRcqhN99dntg 

The engine of your car sputtered weakly as you turned the key for the third time. You pursed your lips and grunted as you screwed your whole arm around, twisting the key in the ignition again. The hot sun beat against the grimy, untinted windows of the old van and your skin boiled under the magnification of the glass. Drops of sweat limply slipped down the side of your face, sizzling when they hit the leather between the seats. The day was nice, but the interior of the vehicle was sweltering and stunk of burgers and sex. You groaned loudly and threw your head back tiredly. With your eyes closed, you tiredly and hopelessly went to turn the car on one last time, dreading the spitting sound that you expected to greet you. You were indeed greeted by the same annoying noise, burned into your eardrums by now, but it faded after a moment, the harsh metallic sounds blending into a solid purr as the engine started, radio turning on to the classic rock station. Shooting up out of your seat in shock, both at the sound and the unexpected success, your hands slammed against your steering wheel and your mouth hung open. “Oh my God,” you muttered, “Oh my God! Thank you, God!” You shouted at the roof of the car and you let out a dry sob. The wet lines down your face could have been sweat or tears, or both at this point. Loud thrums echoed through the cabin of the vehicle as you drummed your hands against the soft roof excitedly, shaking your head in a grateful spasm of relief. “YES! Oh my God, yes, thank you.” The soft whispers left your lips in the form of a laugh and you gripped the steering wheel tightly, taking a deep breath and smiling widely. The next thing you did was roll down the windows and sigh as the clear, blue sky blessed you with fresh air, letting The Who play you out. The gas pedal was pushed down and you made your way from the curb where you’d been sitting for the last half an hour. The VW bus bounced, “My Generation” fading as you turned a corner and made your way to the game.

Your sputtering horseless carriage shuttered to a stop and felt like it would cave in and collapse once in park. With a shake, you turned off on a ‘don’t text and drive’ PSA, the engine and rolled up the dirty windows. Manually locking the door behind you, you exited the rusted green car and headed towards the greener field. You rolled your eyes as you passed a large bus undoubtedly belonging to the opposing team. You doubted it was necessary and would have guessed it was more of a petty power move if anything. A small group of people, not yet a crowd, was gathered by the fences of the baseball field watching the game. It had already begun and you’d missed the first few innings. You searched the crowd for a familiar figure until you spotted a red shirt and jogged over to it. “Brian!”

The man turned to see you waving your hand happily above your head. He turned once he recognized you and laughed heartily with open arms. “[Y/N]!”

Once you reached him, he wrapped his strong arms around you and lightly picked you up. You did your best to return the embrace but he held you too tightly. His cotton button up smelled strongly of a flower-scented detergent and a gas station, comforting and familial. Your laughs mixed and you remained leaned against him when he put you down. “Mr. Murray,” you started playfully, “How are you on this fine day?” The older man patted your back and chuckled.

“Well, I could be doing a hell of a lot better.” Brian looked out at the game, Barone at-bat, and took a deep sigh. You scanned his face with concern, catching the glaze of sadness in his eyes. You softly placed a hand on his shoulder, unsure of what happened exactly, but having an idea.

You turned your head back and look around you for Brian’s almost other half, but seeing the older Mazzello nowhere. You felt safe enough to ask, “He didn’t get it, did he? John-” He shook his head quickly, not turning towards you. You wanted to ask how Pat was taking it but you could figure it out based on your past experiences. You weren’t sure Brian would know at this point anyway. For a moment, you just watched the game. Barone wouldn’t slide and Ty was clearly upset. All you could hear were the curse words carried to you by the light wind picking up. You squeezed Brian’s arm gently and gave him a sympathetic smile, before gulping and beginning to say something. “So then where’s-”

Joe walked up beside Brian and handing him a bottle of water from his trip to concessions. The shorter man glanced over and stopped when he caught sight of you. “Oh, [Y/N]-”

“Hey, Joe,” you replied softly. The man beside stepped back to allow you to give a quick embrace to the new arrival. You stepped back and smiled, biting your lip. “I’m sorry,” you spoke quickly, “He deserved it. John’s-” A stifled laugh interrupted your sentence, but you continued, “Not that I would know, but he’s the best, I hear. He should have gotten it. That’s- That’s so stupid-”

“He’s got some offers, but there’s not much we can do now that it’s over.” Leaning against the fence, the dark-haired man took a swig from the bottle he held and smiled faintly back at you though he kept his attention on the game before him. “Now we just play.”

Though you’d missed the first five innings at least, Brian filled you in on how the game had gone on with as many bumps and hitches as you could possibly imagine. The D-Backs were down (though you honestly wouldn’t have expected otherwise) and hoped for a comeback. Ty interrupts Barone’s play to demand he dirty his uniform, a call is unfairly continued and Ty (again) interrupts and demands his complaint be noted, which had been happening just as you’d arrived.

You were there just in time to see Pat’s second at-bat. “C’mon, baby, you got this! Hit it out of the fuckin’ park!” You were screaming and hollering encouragements at your boyfriend. His father chuckled and gave you a side-eyed glance, a glint of understanding gleaming on his face, seeing again why you and his son got on so well. “He’s not gonna get a hit,” you said quietly to the man beside you, not taking your eyes off the boy at bat.

Brian nodded, smiling. “Never does.” Both of watched as the third pitch was thrown and Pat unsurprising did not get a home run. He let out a long and frustrated scream and hit the bat against his helmet instead before heading to the dugout. The bat Pat had used broke against the fence pole as he hit it repeatedly and cursed the ‘loaded fucking bases’.

Pat then ran to his position in the outfield as he was told but it was clear he hadn’t cooled down yet by his continued yells. If you knew Pat Murray, you knew what he sounded like when he said ‘fuck’. By now, his curses were carved into your ears and you could hear them in your dreams. He yelled and yelled as the game continued, with some concern shown by his teammates and some confusion by the competition. Vinnie had attempted to diffuse the situation by engaging in a friendly game of catch between bats but Murray firmly stuck the ball in the scoreboard. He very nearly took Zapata’s head off.  

“Is he like this at home?” The elder Murray let a smile tweak his lips upwards for a moment, then looked away from the comment. You leaned over the fence n suppressed a laugh at what John had said.

As the game went on, you could tell things would only get worse until it all imploded, and you were right. Brian shared a tired, knowing look with you as you could both hear him yelling from the dugout. “YOU THROW LIKE A BITCH AND YOU BAT AT .250!”

Brian rocked back and look between you and his friend, shaking his head. “Patrick, relax!”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, DAD!”

He nodded and leaned back against the fence. “That’s my boy.” Laughing, you bounced against his side. John shrugged his shoulders and gave an exaggerated frown of acceptance. The game lasted a while before another notable event occurred. This time, was an unsportsmanlike fight erupting after an unfair play and a sudden injury. It all happened so quickly it was hard to comprehend.

Garvey was slammed into the ground by an opposing player and when they hit the dirt a cloud of red dust rose around them. An audible thud echoed as the crowd went silent. Your mouth hung open and the world stood still for what felt like forever as the small catcher laid there unmoving. Then Ty erupted. He grabbed the assaulter from behind and held him down, Vinnie running to leap into a punch. That was the instigator. The rest of the team, with the exception of Fotch, raced to the scene. The riot on the field got worse and once John ran out, Joe bounced off his arms on the fence and rushed just as you had to stop his son. You could hear your boyfriend shouting and mentally cursed, knowing how this would turn out.

“Pat, fuck-” You went to lift yourself over the fence and attempt to run after your lover in an effort to keep him from hurting anyone, but his father pulled you back. He gave you a stern look and shook his head.

“I don’t need you getting in any more trouble right now.” Without anymore protest, you huffed and took your place again. Brian yelled after the boys and jogged out onto the field himself, though he was sure to look back and give you a strict but caring sign to stay back.

You had been right in your earlier assumptions, as Pat charged with a battle cry and pounced on the bobbing mass of bodies, all angrily entangled with one another. More and more athletes seemed to be absorbed into the huddle the longer it went on until it's magnitude reached the crowds of onlookers, who soon after went to join. As the fathers ripped their sons from the mess, Brian stopped a member of the other team from adding a bat to the fight, but by the time the teams had been surgically separated, enough damage had been done. Garvey was in bad, bad shape and the rest of the team was covered in scrapes and bruises, uniforms in shambles and carrying expressions that could kill.

Brian remained out on the field for a few minutes, post scuffle, and Joe went to his son at Garvey’s side. With no one left to stop you from making your way to the scene, you stepped for the first time onto the sacred ground and jogged over to the pit with a wave, “Patrick!” The man turned at his name being called and you stopped in your place when he looked at you. For a moment, you thought you saw a small smile grace his shaking lips as his eyes shone with recognition and he made his way to you. Closing the distance between the two of you, he took you into his sweaty arms and held you perfectly against him. You fit like a puzzle piece together as your own arms were slung around him. He held your head tightly to the crook of his neck and you could smell on him all the events of the day. As you inhaled the scents of dirt and a bit of blood caked onto sweat-soaked skin and leftover aftershave, maybe the hints of a citrus shampoo, you pulled handfuls of his team shirt into your balled fists. Together you swayed for a moment in the middle of the field and he muttered, “Fuck, God- Fuck, I’m so glad you’re here- So fuckin-” He stopped his profane murmurs as he bit back something directly in between happiness and anger. “I’m just so glad you’re here.”

You responded with pressed whispers against the skin of his neck ignoring the previous events and focusing on the moment you were in. “Hey,” you breathed, “I wouldn’t have missed the D-Backs’ last game for the world.”

He smiled, though you couldn’t see. His muffled response was kissed into your hair. You couldn’t quite understand what he’d said but it sounded like something along the lines of, ‘God, I fucking love you,’ which you completely reciprocated.

One hand of yours strayed from his back to his head and held the hair protruding from beneath hat. “I’m so glad you’re here,” he said again, softer this time, emphasizing how much your being there for him meant. “But I can’t fucking wait to get you alone.” He finished his statement quietly, in a voice that sent shivers down your spine, hot and dark, every vertebra quaking. His own hands mapped the back of your neck, threading his calloused, bloody fingers through your locks, holding you with a fear of losing you.

“I’m just glad you’re o-”

The quiet conversation was interrupted. “Get a room, Murray!” A voice yelled from the group of red behind him. It was most likely Barone or Polacco, the only two in a good enough mood after the previous events to pay enough attention to you to make any kind of crude comment like usual.

Pat pulled away, lips spread thin and eyes low. His hands moved to grip your upper arms tightly and he slowly turned his head back to look at the clever commentators. “Shut the FUCK UP ABOUT MY GODDAMN GIRLFRIEND!” Your eyes widen and a sheepish grin spread widely between your cheeks. When he turned back to you, you lifted your hand to hold his face. His eyes were tied to yours, but your gaze soon drifted down to the lightly bleeding scratches on his neck. You frowned and your fingertips dropped to trace over the red lines. The man holding you still, softer now, hissed at the raw contact and his pleading eyes twitched.

His hand rose to wipe at your left cheek, stained from his wound and your place in the crook of his neck. He didn’t move it though after placing it there. “You- There was some blood- Fuck, that’s so gross, I’m so fuckin’ sorry-” His head shook lightly as he stared at you, lip twitching with slight distress.

You responded with a soft laugh, breathed through your nostrils. “It’s ok- It’s ok! I’m sorry you got hurt,” you said as you wiped some of the blood from around the new wound. Pat looked pained, but your presence overcame any discomfort he had. “What a game, huh?”

You chuckled and he hummed near your ear, a pleased puff of air pushed through his nostrils. “I’m so fucking glad you’re here- It’s a better game now. I know it’s not gonna actually get better, but-” Pat moved back and looked at you with gleaming eyes. You could never resist those eyes. He seemed so hopeful since he’d learned of your arrival and you weren’t going to even think about how vain it might have been. “But you’re here, you know.”

You moved your hands swiftly to the sides of his face and pulled him down for a kiss. Though it took him a moment, he quickly pulled you against him and his plush lips pushed against yours. His arms around your waist were the only things keeping you upright as the two of you collided so passionately you arched against him. He pulled slightly back to turn his head and slip through your parted lips. He tasted of vanilla ice cream and blue raspberry Gatorade. Tongues pushing needily against each other, for just a moment, the field around you was lost and all you had was the sensation of Pat Murray buzzing through your lips.

“Ey, Murray-!” A sing-songy voice interrupted again and immediately Pat painfully yanked your face from his. With a clenched jaw and white knuckles still on your figure, he wiped the shared saliva from his mouth and looked like he was refraining from erupted in a trembling angry fit. One hand swept down the side of your face with a dazed expression of admiration and he made eye contact with you, sending you his concern through soft, hazel eyes. You felt the sudden sadness of his body leaving yours, the physical contact high of your love crashed down and you were left hot and alone. The player ran back to the benches spewing foul curses at his ogling teammates as they threw around playful jabs at his PDA. He turned to wave you off and that made you smile. You stepped backward, slowly at first, then turned to jog back to your spot at the fence.

The crowds grew but the sound shrunk. Spectators came from around the neighborhood as word of the fight had spread. It was silent now, in the aftermath. It felt like a sort of mourning period, perhaps for the final chances of the D-Backs at winning today’s game. Reverence was the word to describe what was emanating from the home team. The dugout looked morbid and the only eyes that weren't cast down were furrowed in anger, confusion, and concern. Sirens cut through the still, religious air as an ambulance and a police car drove onto the game dirt.

Two EMTs came barrelling from their vehicle with a gurney and lifted Garvey into the back of the ambulance. The teams cheered him on before the vehicle doors closed and the ambulance left the field. The last image of Garvey was that of him in a neck cast with a thumbs up and the biggest smile.

Two cops then got out of their car that had parked itself on the dirt and went over to the D-Back dugout. Vinnie and Ty sat against the fence as the policemen approached them after speaking with the umpires. “Tyler Delmonica and Vincent Maltzan?”

You watched with the fathers as you had before and smacked Brian’s arm with fever as you saw the lawmen approach the team. “What the fuck- What’s- What the fuck are they doing?” With a slightly irritated side-eyed glance, Brian observed the same scene you did with concern. The elder Mazzello on the other side of him grunted and spoke, “Nothing good.”

The two from the fence had gone over to the cops and were now in handcuffs. The entirety of the red team had come swarming from the shaded dugout to defend their friends. Curses were thrown back and forth and the policeman threatened to arrest Dells as well. “Dude, what the fuck-” you muttered.

“Finish the game!” Ty urged as he and Vinnie were dragged away. The other policeman countered Ty’s plea, announcing for an end to the gathering, at which time both teams emerged from their holes and agreed upon something for the first time. ‘We’re almost done!’ they said, ‘We’re winning!’ The crowd, which had grown exponentially since the scuffle, jeered and booed at the officer. He then complied to the masses as Maz promised they would go on with no further complications. The Bulldogs player that had put poor Garv in the hospital was expulsed and that was the end of it.

The game went on, not without some drama, of course, but it went on. It was an incredible sight. Dells was on fire, throwing out after out after out. Zapata gets a hit, Fotch walks with a dead arm (breaking Dell’s front car window in the process), then it was Pat at-bat, again.

He hit the first one and your breathing stopped, then it was announced a foul. You held tightly to his father’s arm, praying for the impossible as you did every game. The second ball went in slow motion as it headed towards him. The world stood still for you. The sudden smack of wood against hot leather shook you from your trance. Patrick ran with a fury you’d never seen before, sliding into first base in a red dust cloud of victory.

You could barely recognize your own voice in the scream you let loose as you watched your significant other accomplish such a rare feat. “YES, PATTY, YES! FUCKING GET IT!” You were jumping up and down, shaking the fence, hitting Brian when your hands weren’t waving excitedly in the air. Brian laughed at your reaction and held you with an arm when you settled down.

Patrick screamed and jumped just as you were. “I GOT A HIT!” The crowd was still roaring, the D-Backs yelling for him.

“Way to go, Pat!” Brian hugged you and wiped tears from eyes you hadn’t noticed falling before. The older man shook you affectionately against his side.

“I GUESSED! I FUCKING GUESSED!” The ginger was kept his yelling as the blue team called for time. “I’M NOT OUT!” He clapped and laughed, calling after his team as they prepped during the other team's timeout. Maybe it was just you but the air smelled sweet now, beside your considered family in an epic and cherished moment. It may have been bittersweet but it was worth savoring every second of.

“GO PALACCO! KILL HIM! MURDER HIM!” Pat was still screaming as his teammate took to the batting mound. It went Palacco, then David, then Maz. Having two strikeouts lead to your star didn’t seem like a good sign, but Maz was a miracle man. A home run, last bat, and they- They won. The D-Backs won. Maz hit home and the entire game, everything leading up to it erupted in the field and the crowds. The culmination of an entire season, all the stress of the game, the fight, the disappointment of the draft, the love of the team and the camaraderie and support they all show through all this exploded.

Red shirts were glued in a huddle at center field. “For Garvey!” You heard someone yell. Vinnie and Ty came running back on, leaping and whooping. The crowd roared and the cheers rolled over the hills beyond the field. You shook with pride, sure you must have been glowing like the sun looking out upon the victory. Brian looked on the verge of tears, but you couldn’t quite tell through wet eyes of your own. Sound seemed to escape the reality you existed in and all that mattered was the team. Time slowed and your focus went to tunnel vision on a very specific first-time hitter.

Patrick ran over to you the second you set foot on the beaten dirt of the outfield, ambushing you with the tightest embrace you may have ever been in. It took a second but you thrust your arms around him as well as he lifted you from your waist. Holding onto him around his neck, he spun you in tight circles as you both laughed heartily, buried in one another’s soft scents. As he put you down, you started to speak but he cut you off immediately by pushing his face into yours. You did not mind one bit as you resumed your position from earlier, curving against him, your front flat against his chest, hands tugging at his sweaty hair as his limbs slipped down your back. Tracing the dimples at the bottom of your spine, pulling at the hem of your shirt and letting his thumb kiss your skin. His other hand gripped your ass, wanting you impossibly closer. Your open-mouthed kiss was outlined by a smile as you groaned every time he found a new place on your body to caress. Pat was lost in your taste, like lemon cookies and cherry slushies and little league baseball games.

“C’mon, man! Your fucking dad’s here!” Zapata groaned and Palacco smacked his arm with a laugh as the team, those distracted by the couple, made faces and sounds to tease. Barone made a thrusting motion and mouthed ‘Get it!’ as his own girlfriend stood neglected behind him.

The pair of you separated to see the what antics the boys had come up with this time around. Though you thought Pat’s good mood after the win couldn’t be bent, this came awfully close. His grimace was incomparable yet that was just another reason you loved him. Somehow it was still adorable. “He’s right, you know,” you patted your lover’s dusty chest and smiled, “I’ve been hanging out with Mr. Murray the whole game and he probably saw all that.” Pat glanced back at you before looking behind you and quickly, guiltily, pulling his hands from your ass.

‘Perfect timing,’ you thought, as you could guess exactly who it was. Brian was kind enough not to mention anything as he approached his son. The father gave you a pat on the back before embracing his son. The moment was tender as you looked on at the scene of the father/son bonding, albeit a bit awkwardly. Brian held Pat by the shoulders for a moment and they both had shining streaks down their cheeks. You didn’t hear anything that had been said but you smiled softly, overcome with love for the both of them. The graying man approached you next, rubbing your shoulder and giving you a quick hug. “You kids have fun,” he said as he walked back to Joe, “and be safe!” He winked.

“God, your dad-”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Love him, though,” you joined the number 15 player as you followed the others to the snack shack, walking arm in arm, holding as much contact as you could while still being able to walk.

Maz ended up beside you when you all sat at the picnic tables with rainbow sprinkles on vanilla ice cream in a casual post celebration gathering. This gave you the opportunity to congratulate him and at the same time express your sympathies after the draft. “I mean, it’s alright,” he’d said to you, “‘cus this is really what it’s all about right here, you know? I mean these guys-” He laughed gently as David and Palacco ‘lovingly’ assaulted Ty with several scoops of ice cream to the face, “Dad was right. They’re what it’s about. Winning is awesome, don’t get me wrong, but I wouldn’t be here without them and- and it’s all just-” Without getting emotional, he could barely say anymore. “It’s not about me. It’s about family.” John sat back against the table and chuckled.

You patted his knee as you stood. “They wouldn’t be here without you either, Maz. Regardless of where you go from here, everything you’ve done has mattered to someone, to all of them, at least.” Your boyfriend approached you and you said one last thing to the star batter before moving out, “I mean, if you could hear the way Pat talked about you, you’d think you were his girlfriend.” He laughed at this and you grinned knowing he would appreciate it. “Be proud, no doubts, you’re loved, and all that shit.”

“Thanks, [YN],” John nodded happily at you and looked down for a moment at his melting cone dripping on the grass below him. Pat stood next to you now and whispered some suggestive suggestions in your ear. Shooting the younger Mazzello a sorry look he sent you off and waved you and your lover goodbye with a sly grin. “Go on, go have fun. I’ve had enough of the longing looks, get it out of your system.”

Pat laughed lightly and slipped an arm around your waist, furrowing a confused set of eyes at his friend’s comment, then at you. It made him wonder what type of conversation the two of you’d had. He led you towards the parking lot, flipping off the team he left behind as they wolf whistled, making a lot of correct assumptions of what the two of you intended to do in your early departure. You’d left your van parked around the side of the field in the nice shade of a small grove of trees. The keys clicked in the quieter, cooler, fresher air around you. Patrick leaned against the side of the vehicle, one arm up to support himself and the other placed on his hip, ankles crossed. He watched you a bit too intently as you unlocked the cabin of your old car.

“I can feel you looking at me,” you smiled, opening the passenger’s side door to manually reach around and slide open the spacious back of the bus, turning on the car battery in the process. Leaving the keys in the ignition, turning down The Damned, but leaving it loud enough to cover what sounds may come. He watched you do this every time. It came as no wonder to him why your cherished car was in such bad shape as you left the battery running to supply a soundtrack to your lovemaking. Eyes distractedly stalled on your midsection as he looked you up and down, Pat faltered as the car shuddered when the door opened and he was thrown off his balance. He caught himself, though, and shot you a slanted grin.

“You’re just-” He bit his lip, “-so fucking hot, and you’re all mine.” Settling into the cushy, creaking back part of the carriage, you grinned expectantly.

“Am I?” You cocked your head, “Maybe you should remind me again who exactly I belong to.” Dragging every word out, you purposefully teased the impatient man, unbuttoning the top of your shorts slowly.  

Like a switch, something clicked in him. His entire demeanor shifted from his almost toddler-like temper to something much more mature. Sitting spread eagle on the plush blankets you kept in the back for such occasions, you waited. He stared at you darkly, a towering shadow that filled the van’s open portal to the rest of the world. He filled in the empty space, deciding what he wanted to do first, how he would defile you in so many ways and what he would start with.

The interior smelled liked fast food, rubbing alcohol, and sweaty sex. Seeing as the main things you did in this car were eat bad food, try to clean up the stains left behind from said bad food, and, of course, fuck, the medley of scents came as no surprise. Around you were an array of cushions, blankets, and pillows all extremely soft to the touch. Not an inch of the original upholstery could be seen under the collection of plush covers. This made for the ideal landing as Pat pounced on you like a starved jungle cat as you look so very appetizing against the grey of the fur throw you laid on.

With him on top of you, you grabbed his cap and threw it to the side, kicking the door closed with your foot. Already against your lips, Pat straddled you, one hand on your waist and the other your cheek. The tops of your thighs pressed against the backs of his laying sideways in the cramped space. Holding his face to yours, his stiff, sweat dried hair curling between your fingers, you moaned. He smelled hotly of dust and fire, like a childhood summer day. The intimacy of the flood of memories he reminded you of only increased the sensation for you, heightening your attraction to him in a familiar, safe emotion.

His lips moved against yours, both of you sharing the same rhythm like singing along to an old song you never really could forget the words to. Open mouths clashed, teeth hit teeth, tongues knotted with tongues. His eyelashes brushed against your cheek as his wet kisses traveled down your face hitting your chin, your neck, your collarbone. Simultaneously, his hand pushed up your top, the other lifting you to help you pull it off. You let your arms drift above your head as he peeled the first layer off your body. It was only fair you would start unbuttoning his jersey and pulling at it, signaling him to take it off.

Before you could rip his undershirt off, he attached his lips to your neck, sucking hard to leave behind a noticeable deep purple love mark high enough it couldn’t be covered. You could feel his teeth graze your skin in a proud smile as your hot and heavy breaths turned to desperate, squirming moans. You gasped, gripping the fabric over his chest. He was glowing knowing only he could leave you in such a state.

Dragging a hot trail of saliva down your body, Pat stopped at your chest. He pulled away and stared down at your breasts with a shake of his head. “So fucking gorgeous,” he whispered. With one knee on either side of you, he sat up and pulled his red top off. Then he swept back down, suctioned back to your skin. He started behind your ear and peppered bites around your jaw, hands pulling your body to arch, allowing him the opportunity to remove your bra. You threw your head back and shimmied off the upper undergarment.

Your hands skimmed Pat’s bare chest, traveling upwards to his shoulders and past. Palms pressed against the sides of his face, you wiped your thumbs at the smeared eye black on his cheeks. His gaze was tied to your exposed chest and his breathing was heavy and hungry. Lips hanging parted, he slowly looked up at you through hooded lashes.

You smiled at the man hovering above you. Neither of you moved as you established eye contact while Jimi Hendrix played in the background. The van was hot between your bodies and the setting sun shining through the front window. Sweat beaded your forehead and your boyfriend went to push your hair back from your face, damp from the growing heat. “You’re-”

“You’re beautiful,” you finished. He laughed and it was like a Baroque painting before you. In a golden haze, his hair looked soft and he was glowing in muted tones. The tapestry pinned to the ceiling gave a dusty rose background to compliment the halo you saw around him. You pushed his hair back and pulled yourself up to kiss him. He took this chance to explore your body, mapping every inch of your warm, welcoming skin.

His fingertips were calloused and grey, dirt caked in the ridges of his prints, proof of the aftermath of the game. Rough pads walked down the center of your torso, stopping at your breasts. He took one mound in his hand, pinching your nipple between his thumb and his palm, rolling it slowly. You bit your lip and tucked your fingers under the waistband of his baseball pants and briefs, pulling them back and snapping them against his hips. Your eyes hung on the happy trail leading up his stomach. You traced it with the tip of your nail and his dark gaze settled on your face.

From his perspective, you were hidden in the shadows below him, hot and vulnerable. Buds of your breasts perky and hard, the dips of your stomach like a flowing river to your hips where your shorts sat a little too low, you were buried under filters of lust. The retiring sunlight hit the dust particles between you, floating through the air in slow motion like a love scene in an early 2000s, warm-toned, rom-com, the kind you spent Friday nights watching under three different blankets on the couch. You were dreamy, always, but especially now, a hazy, golden goddess.

“I want you, Pat,” you interrupted his daze, stroking his face and pushing his loose hair behind his ear. “Now.”

He blinked at you and grinned. “Oh, let’s go.” You smiled wickedly as he buried his face in the crook of your neck, you wrapped your arms around his back and slipped your hands on his ass. He engulfed you then gripped your shorts and panties, ripping them down all at once. A guttural groan left your throat and you wiggled out of your clothes. Pat had moved to one side of you, maintaining skin on skin contact whenever he could, and kicking off his shoes. Your body arched towards him as he retracted his touch. You shook your pants off your leg and laid baring it all for your lover in the cramped space of the vintage vehicle.

Pat was awestruck as you sat up, spread out for him, back to the driver’s seat. He paused with his pants stopped just high enough not to be truly explicit. You looked on with anticipation, one finger slinking its way between your legs. “Keep going,” you nodded at him. He complied with a lopsided grin and hot, hooded eyes. You rubbed two fingers against your clit and bit your bottom lip as he yanked his pants down, cup painfully sliding over his hard erection. He sat back and pulled off his bottoms, socks included, cock slapping against his stomach as he did so.

You snorted at him, unceremoniously slouched in the back of your small van. The sight was both pleasing and amusing, and far from being unfamiliar. Every time you’ve watched him undress in these four fabric covered walls, it felt the same. It had become something of a post-game ritual, defiling the backspace of your car while the oldies stationed tuned out the lewd sounds you made together.

‘She said, hey babe, take a walk on the wild side’, your lover crawled towards you as you spread your lower lips to welcome him, ‘I said, hey honey, take a walk on the wild side.’ Patrick took in the sight of your glistening sex and licked his lips. He sat back on a plush green throw blanket and pulled you onto his lap with a soft chuckle. He hummed contently at your lips against his ear, tightening his arms around your damp skin. You were straddling him, one arm slung over his shoulder and the other reaching for his member. The pre-cum leaking from his tip spread against your stomach as you pressed onto him, limber fingers wrapped precariously around his length. You pumped him slowly, hanging off his lobe by your teeth. This pulled a whimper from deep inside him, nuzzling against you. Thumb sliding over his head, you dragged the slickness down his shaft and sucked on his neck as he had yours. You were dripping for him and he could feel it. His knuckles went white, gripping your thighs with bruising strength. He nipped at your shoulder, leaving behind wet, fading love bites.

You were jostled as your boyfriend lifted you by your waist so he could easily access your tits, supporting you against the back of the driver’s seat. Pace quickening as your hand slid up and down his cock, his mouth latched onto your nipple, teeth brushing against it as he sucked hard. His thick fingers inside you scissored with fervor and you could feel every bend of his knuckles between your walls. Your free hand held his face against your chest and you moaned. Slowly, the cabin filled with the sweet scents of both yours and his arousal and sweat. You pulled yourself towards him and pulled gently on his hair as he replaced his lips with rolling fingers and paid his attention to your other bud.

“Fuck, Pat,” your breath hitched and you could feel him smile against your breast, “Pat, I want you-”

“I fucking need you, [Y/N],” his breathing was heavy as he detached from your chest, moving to look you in the eyes, “Soon.” It was a pleading look he gave you, far different from his on-field persona. With one last soft squeeze of his erection, you let go. He moaned at the release and you were up on your knees. He looked up at you from between your breasts as you flattened against him.

One of his hands slid between your thighs and your composure faltered, his cold fingers pressing past your nerve center and straight to your hole. He watched your face carefully, one hand on the small of your back, the other letting digit after digit push into your sex easily, slick secretion assisting in his effort to stretch you before his anticipated penetration. Blinking quickly, you twitch your hips at the knuckles deep in your pussy. Patrick grabbed your ass and began going in and out and in and out of your entrance with a quiet slap. To the rhythm of the Bowie song blowing out your damaged speakers, you hump his fingers and ride your rising pleasure ut before you can peak, you’re filled with emptiness.

“You fucking ready for me, babe?” Want was dripping from every syllable of his words as you looked down just in time to see him pull his slick fingers from his mouth, appreciating your taste every chance he could.

“Let’s drag this out, baby, today we got something to celebrate.” You caressed the side of his face and smiled softly. He couldn’t resist your whims and he knew exactly how to make this special.

He laid on his back and pulled you up by your ass, sliding your wetness along his torso. He lifted your waist and you compliantly moved your knees to either side of his head. “Then let me finish you off before we start on the good stuff, hm?” His smile was sexy as he adored you from between your legs, willing to put your sexuality before his need. His arms wrapped around your pillowy thighs, on hand holding your slit open and the other stroking your clit. A shiver ran through you as he lifted his head to break your first contact.

This was his chosen place of worship, kissing your core surrounded by the satin skin of your voluptuous legs. His religion was you on your knees and him on his back, the ecstatic expression you wore his deity. The fluid stained woven rugs and fur throws that shaped the interior of your chosen mode of transportation was the altar he so admired in the temple of you. Your skin was scripture and your acts together sacred, the hard rock you left on the hymns of your love. His metaphor was worn but as the last of the daylight threaded through the fallen waves of your hair, he couldn’t think of any words more true to describe this image of you.

He dove into you, starved of your taste. You were pulled down to his face, feeling his tongue probe the space between your lower lips, sucking at the labia and fully drinking up your nectar. You ground against his tongue, utilizing what he could to maximize your pleasure, the texture of his muscle overwhelming your senses. His nose pressed against your clit as his hands moved to go from grabbing your ass, supporting your waist, then giving his hands’ attention to your breasts. Your nipples were well loved as your pussy continued to be stimulated to the point of pushing you over.

Your whole body curved forwards, gripping his hair and supporting yourself with a fistful of the blanket. Uneven breaths drifted from your open mouth, heaving chest painted with small drops of sweat. Pat’s palm was flat against your back. Your hair flipped out of your line of sight as you threw your head back, lips forming a solid ‘o’. A wave of ecstasy rushed over you in your first orgasm of the evening, a musical moan, broken by sharp breaths. The lover beneath you lapped up every release of your spasming pussy until your curses died down to soft shudders. To avoid overstimulating you, Pat moved from your sensitive mound to drop hot kisses on your inner thighs.

The pulsing of your core subdued as you spent the next minute catching your breath. The van was filled with salty, hot air and Patrick held your midsection tightly as he sucked dark hickies on every inch of your shy skin he could reach. His face was coated in your juices, which was smeared across your legs, both sets of hands, and down your boyfriend’s chest. Letting his tongue glide over a fresh bruise just left in the crux of your crotch, his melted autumn eyes stared up at you with intense lust. He threw his head back when he was satisfied with his work and snorted, “You taste like a Goddamn fucking angel.”

His smile was goofy and gross, the juvenile delinquency of your act written all over his face. It made you feel like a teenager again, sneaking around with the angry boy your parents didn’t like. God, you loved him. You couldn’t help but laugh a bit at the situation. There you were, sitting on your boyfriend's face in the back of your musty van by the neighborhood baseball field and you weren’t even done yet.

You grinned down at him, “Shut up and fuck me, Murray.” The man smiled and sat up, catching you as you fell off him. You grabbed his face and pressed his lips to yours for a moment, tasting your own sticky, semi-sweet love on his lips before he pulled away to reach around you. Popping open the center console compartment with a click, he grabbed a condom and ripped it open with his teeth. “Care to-”

You took the contraceptive from him without letting him finish. He could understand the eagerness in your eyes and moved back expectantly. Holding up the plastic package, you frowned. “I thought we were celebrating?” You tilted your head innocently. Recognition flashed across his face and he raised his eyebrows. For the first time, the mood was broken, a Honda commercial really solidifying it for you.

“Are you- Are you serious? Are you sure?” The sweaty athlete’s eyes were wide at your implication.

You smiled slyly and nodded at him. “I’m on birth control and,” you shrugged, “I trust you not to have any weird, contagious rashes.” He laughed at you, happily, and you joined him.

“I can promise you I have no transmittable diseases, inspect me if you want.” His arms moved out to present himself to you.

You dragged a nail across the length of one of his arms and he cocked a half smile in your direction as he eyes your movements. “I’ve seen plenty.” You grinned and put your hands back on his cheeks, pushing against him in a kiss. Pat was quick to move, but you stopped him, hand flat against his chest. “You need a little prep, first, don’t you?” Slowly, he figured it out and sat back to give you more space to do your deed. Folding over yourself, thighs spread and arousal tickled by the thick woven rug beneath you, your face reached the waiting cock.

All the man could focus on was your long, batting lashes and your ass sticking out behind you. His tip was cold and wet from being untouched, but your spit dripped down it as you kissed the slit briefly. Patrick’s breath was shaky as you licked from the base up to the tip, making eye contact as you did so. His body weight was put on his locked arms behind him, leaning away from you, but he feared one more sex filled look from you would break him and he would collapse.

He nearly did when you first took him into your hot mouth. A groan vibrated through him and you felt it in your connection. Slowly at first, sparingly, you bobbed up and down on his length, soft lips sliding over every ridge and every vein. “Fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuck-” You picked up speed with his encouraging curses. Head thrown back, your lover focused on not cumming right then and there, doing his best to save himself for what came next, but Goddamn it, [Y/N], he thought. He’d let you know him far too well if you could break him into so many pieces so quickly. Tongue scraping at the side of the sensitive skin, balls being treated with care in your hands, and the pace leaving him a sputtering mess- You name filled the compartment like a rolling sea fog, all your senses overcome with his apparent need for you. His scent, his sounds, his taste- hot and salty. Seeing his chest rising with labored breaths, you decided he was getting too close and hilted him in your throat as best you could for a moment, teeth grazing his base and your nose buried in his happy trail, before pulling off at a painstaking pace, detaching from him with a ‘pop’, a string of saliva falling from between you.

It took a quiet moment for him to get his bearings at the disappointing cutoff. The drops of sweat sliding down the sides of his face were tinted with red from the adobe colored dirt he’d spent so much time on. Sitting back up and leaning towards him, you went to wipe the moisture away and he held your hand to his face, kissing your palm with closed eyes. He saved his high and gave you a quick, and ironically chaste, kiss before pushing aside discarded clothing articles and repositioning the two of you so he was above you once again. He took you by your middle and moved you to the side, growing increasingly impatient, seemingly recovered from his edge. Holding firmly to your ribs as he laid you down before him, he then pulled away to admire you again.

Under a young night sky, you were the only star he saw. Glowing in a post-orgasmic haze against the shadows cast by street lamps, you were a constellation of an impossible creature. Contrasting the true space you both existed in, his view of you was divine. Every beautiful thing in the heavens and the earth, he saw in you.

“Pat?” You furrowed your eyes in concern at his momentary stillness.

He blinked the clouds from his eyes. “God, sorry, fuck-” Shaking his head, he smiled slightly, “I got so fucking lucky. I may not be able to get a hit but, uh-” He chuckled before completing his favorite line, “You sure are a catch.” He winked and you gently kicked him in the shoulder. Catching your ankle, he held your leg up and held it over his shoulder as he moved to position himself at your open hips. “C’mon, it’s my best line.”

You impatiently rolled your eyes. “Are you gonna fuck me or not?” You motioned to your waiting sex, ready and slick for him. “I’m waiting-”

“-And I’m ready!” Patrick held up his free hand defensively before grabbing your hip with bruising strength. His dripping, neglected tip sat waiting at your entrance. His tone turned serious, “Are you?”

His genuine asking was comforting and you nodded quickly. His position over you turned you on even more, if possible, loving that he could see you melt in his hand and drip between his fingers. With one hand holding your leg up and the other stroking his excited cock, preparing to enter you. The sparkling space between your welcoming thighs glistened in the little bit of moonlight making its way into the vehicle. He slid his thumb through the wetness and you groaned in need. He chuckled at your response and you squirmed against the soft fabrics you’d been set on.

It was the moment of final satisfaction that you’d been building to all afternoon in the back of your sex-soaked bus. Your eyes were trained on his focused downward gaze and you could feel him press into you. It was a pleasant stretch you looked forward to but it was different this time, void of the protection you’d so cautiously used. You felt unequivocally full, natural, and satisfying like you were made to fit together like this. Scary, but exciting, this new sensation left you unable to control your breathing. Sharp inhalations were a sign to him he was doing something good. Pushing into you was easy with how much arousal dripped your sex, all the fluids of the night mixing together for a pleasurable experience. In and out, he took his time deepening the contact, holding tight to your hips, a nice pain shooting through you when he squeezed the old yellowed bruises he’d left behind from past rendezvous. Your eyes focused on him when they were closed in ecstasy, hands swiping furiously at your clit or alternating between your breast. Pat was in awe at the bolts of hot pleasure that traveled up his body at the raw feeling of you around him, tight, wet, and warm. He thought sex couldn’t get any better, especially not with you, but he was wrong. He felt every dip and fold of your tunnels against the ridges of his own skin.

You were sleeved around him as he picked up speed. Grunts fell from his pouting lips every time his hips slapped against yours. The sound could be heard over the still playing radio in the front seat. It seemed the amount of teasing the two of you subjected each other to left little resilience to the sudden relief of penetration as your boyfriend’s rate jumped from calculated, appreciative thrusts to messy, needy, heavy ones in a matter of minutes. “You feel-” He groaned as he hilted in you again, balls deep to the pleasure of both of you, “So fucking amazing-” The words barely came out. You tried to formulate a response but the heat filling your abdomen stopped you. What came out instead was a gurgled moan of agreement. Smiling at the sights and the sounds you produced, Pat was absolutely enamored by you in this new sensation. Tits bouncing as you shook with his slamming thrusts, your eyes rolling back with guttural groans from deep inside you.

Drawing from that pit of white-hot pleasure, you neared your peak and a higher pitched plead cam as a warning to your partner, “Can’t- Fuck, Pat- Almost there-” He got the message and the two of you shook together, his whispers of ‘me too, me too’ barely heard through the whimpers. No longer could sounds be differentiated from one source or the other as your bodies melted together in a moment of bliss. For the first time, the vehicle noticeably shook in your passionate lovemaking. His hands slipped down your legs, attention drifted from your clit to your navel to your hair as he doubled over to float parallel above you. Sweat from his tiring body rained on you and you pulled him closer. His face was buried between your ear and shoulder, biting away curses as he humped through his high.

“Fuck, that’s it-” The sliding stopped as his back arched first, pressing so hard into your crux, you were sure your entire lower half would be purple by the next morning. His member pulsed inside you and you could feel it swell with anticipation before your own pussy milked him for all he was worth. Streams and streams of hot, white pleasure flowed into you and you swallowed a scream. The sound that managed to escape was otherworldly and Pat loved it. You’d never felt this before, his love directly inside you, hot sloshing, liquid driving you past your point of return. You thought maybe it hadn’t been the physical sensation but the idea of how intimate the action was that had really given you your final orgasm. Either way, you had simultaneously arched against him and he held you up by your back as you squeezed with every muscle. Nails dragging down his spine, no doubt leaving red territorial marks down his sides as you rode out the ocean of intensity that washed over you. It made you curl your toes and tense your appendages around your lover like a boa constrictor and their prey.

Love came gushing from your connection and pooled beneath the small of your back, sinking into the layers of covers that cushioned the two of you from the hard vehicle floor. You didn’t think about the mess you’d made or the unfortunate task of cleaning it up and instead focused on the weight on top of you. Still, inside you, Patrick’s cock twitched as he’d nearly collapsed over you. The rhythm of your breathing synced with his and your pussy pulsed sorely, your entire body sensitive and raw. A shiver ran through your bones as you felt the hot mouth of the body blanketing your’s suction onto your neck one last time, licking over its handy work with a weak laugh. Your fingers laced through his damp hair and you turned your cheek to kiss his.

Your eyes were watering, maybe from the tense situation or the exhaustion that suddenly overwhelmed you now that the wire strings of arousal no longer hold you up. Pat felt the same way as he slowly pulled out of you and you winced. On his side next to you, you felt him pull you closer, nestling into your equally wet and disgusting hair. The entire car smelled awful and hot, the windows were grey and fogged up, blankets beneath you covered in God knows what. Closing your legs and turning towards the warmth beside you, you nestled into him, the feeling of your post-coital calmness was immortalized in the music you’d left on. ‘Goodbye stranger, it’s been nice. Hope you find your paradise.’

Maybe the lyrics weren’t a perfect fit, but somehow the melody found it’s way beneath your hot skin and soothed you. You remained this way for, you weren’t sure how long. Time seemed lost to the two of you then. Engulfed in his arms, you felt safe. The scene was grimy and explicit, your nakedness blending together, the leftover ejaculate dripping from your slit without care, the stained and discarded undergarments left unnoticed and hanging off the steering wheel. It wasn’t clean or safe, but for the two of you, it was nice. What that said about your situation, you didn’t care. This was your heaven.

“Good morning, Orange County! And what a lovely morning it is! We’d like to start the day with a little Springsteen, huh?” A hard drum intro led into a twangy guitar and the sonorous voice of Bruce Springsteen, ‘In the day we sweat it out on the streets of a runaway American dream. At night we ride through the mansions of glory in suicide machines.’

“Is it weird,” you’d said, “knowing all the boys are well aware of what we do? Including your dad?” You laughed a bit, leaning against him, still bare, under a furry quilt. The carriage of the vehicle creaked at your movements, audible now that it wasn’t masked by the heavy breathing of your fucking. The bohemian tapestry behind you shrouded the rising sun from your sensitive eyes, half open in a dream-like state.

Patrick planted a quick kiss in your hair, “I like they know you’re mine.” He took a deep breath, “And my dad can fuck off.”

After a pause, you looked at him and erupted in laughter. “He’s pretty cool, you know, for having to deal with a kid like you.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

‘Wendy let me in I wanna be your friend, I want to guard your dreams and visions. Just wrap your legs 'round these velvet rims and strap your hands 'cross my engines.’

Brian glanced at the phone as he prepared his breakfast. He was sure his son was fine, he’d gone nights without calling before, but by morning he usually had a message waiting for him. He tried not to think about what may have distracted him in order to keep down his first meal of the day. The radio played in the background.

‘Girls comb their hair in rearview mirrors and the boys try to look so hard. The amusement park rises bold and stark, kids are huddled on the beach in a mist. I wanna die with you Wendy on the street tonight in an everlasting kiss.’

The groundskeeper stared on worriedly at the shaking VW bus that had been parked behind the trees since before he’d gotten there in the small hours of the morning. “Fucking teenagers, disgusting,” he shook his head and turned away, earphones back in as he started up the lawnmower.

‘Oh honey, tramps like us, baby, we were born to run.’

[thoughtfulpaperback]

Charmed 02x08 Review SPOILERS!!!!

Sorry this took so long y'all. Family stuff just blew up in my face this month has been just terrible it's been terrible since the end of november to be honest, so I just wasnt in the mood to review. But I shall starts. In general i liked the episode 8/10 for me. I like the pacing, the general plot advancing. I liked it, but I have some complaints though. So let's just get those out of the way. So I'll do pros and cons by subject since there were things I both disliked and liked about each thing.

1. Hacy

Let's just get this big guy out of the way. So abby and Harry kiss was a big no for me, although it was hot for sure.

Now there has been a lot of back and forth about this so I actually wanted to compare to the things that bugged me about Macyx galvin and where I thought one does better than the other.

Communication

So like Harry and Macy do not communicate well with each other right now. I feel that thier communication issues though are better (or at least make more sense to me) than Macy x Galvin.

Macy while communicating with Galvin, as far as arranging things, was bad, but with her kiss on halloween she did make her interest in Galvin known. They both had an understanding that they were interested. So I thought the whole Summer ordeal was worse in that sense because, while the follow through was poorly done, Macy's interest was stated.

With Harry and Macy, it appears that neither of them have stated any interest to one another (neither has told the other thier feelings) and neither is aware. So harry kissing some one else isnt as bad to me as the Galvin x Summer situation because of that (speaking about this area soley).

The passive aggressiveness of Harry and Galvin in certain situation isnt comparable because Harry is doing it more.I felt Harry's reactions are more justified (we will get to the hypocritical portion later) in that he is going through the wringer, is hurting and confused, and self-deprecating and many of us agreed that the thought of Macy preferring Jimmy would be bad and hurtful to Harry and logically make no sense. But harry has more scenes than Galvin did in season one so he feel more passive aggressive than Galvin, but I attribute that to screen time and proximity to the Macy (he always there so more time and chances to interact). But also, for me, Galvin wasnt as passive agressive and his sometimes aggressive or snideness wasnt because of Macy. Outside stuff (problems with summer) would make him snap or his trauma also caused him to snap so the situations are comparable there but, again Harry has more screen time so his snapping feels worse to me because it happens multiple time in one episode versus one or twice in a whole season. Since the situation ( and right now I am speaking soley on the summer x Galvin situation) was different. I am up in the air I as to which was "worse" i think both situations are sucky and i think i am more bothered by Galvin x Summer because again Macy had actually expressed her interest (communication wise) but the hacy situation feels more full of that passive aggressiveness and that will turn it into something I really cant get behind. Right now I feel Harry is in a bad place and probably shouldnt be with anyone until he get himself settled personally.

Love triangle/square or whatever

So like with summer x Galvin it wasnt really a love triangle I mean kind of but not really. Galvin didnt pursue Macy while with summer and was generally nice during that time. Summer wasnt necessarily the jealous girlfriend stereotype she was nice, but did call out suspect behavior.

The abby xharryx Macy x jimmy thing is like aweful. It is the love triangle that I hate most at least where the abbyxharryxmacy part is concerned.

I mentioned it before but I hate when one or two people use another person as a means of getting release/relief when they are actually interested in someone else. I think it is cruel to both the used character and the main LI. Worse when both are using others because twice the cruelty. IDK what was going on in Harry's head. But I have never like that type of love triangle, and worse so because it is possibly the other type of triangle I hate which is (usually guy) caught between two ladies and one is clearly the villian (I thank novelas for this gem *sarcasm*) and it is mostly a lust thing.

Especially given that James Westwell was a serial cheater, apparently, this idea of "I love one person but am in lust with the other despite thier character" is like the worst to me. Abby is straight up an ambitious murder, and like I guess that maybe Harry's default type because Charity had similar qualities, but again for a guy who supposedly has strong feelings for Macy and was so confused and hurt by her attraction to Jimmy (which apparently wasnt attraction at all) the ease of him doing the very thing he was mad about , and the ease of being able to push aside his feeling for Macy and give in to that abby kiss was gross.

Sorry but although they werent together, for me, guys who can do that easily should be on our cheater radar. Knowing that James was a serial cheater just makes it worse imo.

While the summer x Galvin situation felt worse on the communication front (expressed feelings) it was better done than here because there is a lot more grossness in the dynamics of the love shape thing right now.

Overall, I get Harry isnt in a place to be with anyone and it's all confusing and he is lashing out. He has not told Macy his interest and neither has she so he shouldnt be held to the boyfriend standards. But still the writers are toeing the line here. What happens next will actually help me define whether this turns into a Galvin situation where I end up not liking the two characters together. If Harry tries to continue the passive aggressiveness about Macy and Jimmy. I'll be done. I mean if he does have feelings for abby and trying to move on, but still tries to pull that with Macy it will just be straight up manipulative. Right now I am like okay he was lashing out and I get it and the abby kiss is probably a big mistake. He can continue the mistake path if the writers wasnt to go there, but if he doesnt recognize that he did something hypocritical and still comes for Macy about Jimmy it will be very very wrong.

I think they for sure need to clear the air but if the writers wait to long or do too much damage I wont be satisfied with the clearing of the air.

I am not necessarily mad right now over the abbyx Harry thing because I am waiting to see how they will handle and present it, but I mean it is on that line and writers need to watch out. I dont think Harry was trying to be manipulative and the lashing out happened before abby kiss. As long as the lashing out (at Macy) doesnt continue I will watch and support the development and exploration of thier relationship and dynamic with the others.

2. Maggie

So like Maggie shows her naivety here and I am not that mad. Like she isn't pulling a "I am so in love and blind to the world" thing she makes her decision based on what she thinks will do the most good for the most people. It is still naive, but she is still maturing and you can see that. Her wanting her sisters to trust her judgment and not feel like they have to baby her is reasonable although again those insecurities clouded the main issues here. She is growing and I shall see how she continues to mature.

3. Mel

I think they tried to fit some personal development for mel here and it both worked and didnt work. I thought it wasnt done badly but at some points I was like....okay could this have been saved for another episode or done beforehand. I wanted to see it, just didn't think it felt in place, especially after leaving the wedding. She just had some development and then was like welp guess I am gonna stumble upon this amber. Like mel could have gotten her new powers before, I mean I felt they could have made the stumble upon the amber scene and new powers at any point before and it could have been more relevant and interesting placed somewhere else than this episode.

4. Abby/overlord/parker storyline

Abby was probably the best thing in this episode. I love her as a villian. I am here for it and I want it.

Parker got dark real quick and while I think he and Maggie shouldnt be together, I am glad he didnt die. Also glad abby clarified that his actions weren't caused by the apple. Because at least OG with Cole the tragedy (the first storyline) was that he made a choice to protect the person he loved but he ended up becoming the source and actually being taken over by the source so his actions were tinted by his OG love but corrupted by that force that possessed him. Where as abby tells him, that that jealousy and want for blood was all him. Maybe the apple and that power made him more likely to act on it than of he hadnt, but it wasnt the apples fault necessarily so. I am glad for the clarification, makes me not want Maggie and him together, but I like that exploration of power and choice. Even with Macy while the power amplified those insecurities she still was making choice which also made her choice to give up that power extra meaningful. Power is corrupting but you can still choose to fight that corruption or give in to it. I like that.

5. Jordan

I love this character to be honest. I am still figuring him out, but like dude is cursed and has been basically touched, punched, and robbed by these guys. He can't catch a break and like nobody even checks on him. Like he so far is a pretty decent although suspicious (like he doesnt trust others easily not like he himself is suspect) guy and I like him but he is getting some serious Darryl treatment right now. I dont like that, but I like him and want to see more of him. Plus, what the heck happened? Did they leave him passed out in the gym? Did they wipe his memory? What is going on?

Episode highlights

Jordan trying to defend maggie and get parker to leave

The power of Four looking fine as heck for a wedding

Mel as a fly talking to herself

Macy walking in on that kiss