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thejudgingtrash · 4 years

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would you class percy as a morally grey character? i’m really interested to hear your input

Anon 2: Would u class percy as an Morally Gray character?

Hey there! Let me write that essay for you about morally gray Percy ^^

It’s not about whether Percy is a morally gray character or not, it’s about he has to be otherwise the story doesn’t make any sense. At least for me it wouldn’t.

Ashley (@gr33kg0ds) said in the tags of my dark!Percy post something along the line of people diminishing Percy’s character because they need him to be pure and fluffy and I wholeheartedly agree with that!

Just because Percy’s twelve doesn’t mean he’s pure and didn’t do unproblematic things. I’ll mostly refer to The Lightning Thief because that book is the Magnus Opus for Riordan and perfectly stands for Percy as a morally gray character from the very beginning of the saga. (Also the only book I’ve recently re-read)

As much as I love fanon with all the amazing artworks, debates, memes and jokes, analysis, cool edits and wonderful fanfics, projecting your version of Percy doesn’t make the image in your head real. Percy in canon is not the fun and fluffy boy you imagine him to be or which social media sites (Reddit, Twitter, Instagram and yes, also Tumblr) tend to make him to be. He’s a scrawny little sarcastic twerp that was the unpopular kid. He isn’t that cringy dude Tony Lopez doing that fucking weird TikTok dance (side note: I don’t even know who this person is and I don't care, I saw the video and immediately wanted to delete every social media app on my phone, so thanks Tony?), kissing his Yeezys goodnight, vibing to our lord and gay icon Taylord “T. Swizzle” Swift song and flexing them iPhone 11 Max Pros. Percy literally said that going to Burger King with his mother once in a while would be considered a luxury. He’s a poor bastard in literal sense.

Part of the problem with the distinction of Percy’s character and his motives stem from the fact that Percy is a sneaky unreliable narrator and we as the audience (especially if you’re younger) don’t question most of his behavior if you even question some (pretty sure that most of us only picked up weird stuff as adults). Everything seems plausible to you. But does it mean that his behavior is necessarily good? Something that would paint his character as good?

Like I’ve said, let’s take a look at TLT. The very beginning of everything and the wonderful line that gets quoted everywhere: “Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood”.

The very first line that quoted everywhere or used as in moodboard and edits but its meaning and significance get brushed off for the most part. It immediately sets the tone and the atmosphere for the book and for Percy as a character. A(n in my opinion) morally gray character. The very first thing we hear from Percy is that he doesn’t want to be in this world. He’s an involuntary participant who has been (upon further reading) blackmailed and forced into this world and is only cooperating to get his mother back and said in regards to his father (who also stands for the Greek pantheon) ”well yeah, would be nice to know about my dad but I’ve survived without him the past twelve years so I don’t know, he wouldn’t be missed necessarily I guess?“ That pretty much tells you, it foreshadows, that we will be dealing with someone with grit, someone that fights back, someone that went through shit, someone that isn’t a goody two-shoed character. Does it mean he’s a terrible (in the sense of evil or bad) character from the get go? Not really, but it tells you in nuances that he won’t be the white shining knight you might expect from a fairy tale.

There is so much that little Perseus Jackson has to offer you directly in the first book. So much that paints him as a morally gray character. From the illegal candy stash all the way to tricking Procrustes into his own trap. He knows right from wrong and isn’t innocent by any means. He wants you to think he’s innocent. Yes, he hunts monsters and the book also tells you that some adults (Gabe) can also be monsters, but Percy’s personality is so interesting and full of facets which I love! He’s misleading you on purpose. Deflects, plays events down. He lies in front of you to others but you don’t really doubt it. Instead of questioning it, you understand it.

What distinguishes Percy from other male protagonists in that notion that the author doesn’t try to paint him as particularly good (the reader connects the dots, in reality) is pretty much that. Percy is neither inherently good or bad. He’s in the middle. He does lots of questionable things and his personality adds to it. Something that immediately comes to my mind is his lack of fear of consequences. He thinks in the short term and not in the long term. Of course, he’s caring about those that are close and important to him (Grover, Annabeth and his mother of course. And well. The world not getting destroyed by his weird father and fucking crazy uncle would be a plus). But Percy isn’t really a strategist (yet). Look at the Medusa head thingy. Annabeth and Grover warn him, that he’s gonna get his ass beat and he doesn’t care. That these gods could squish him in the end didn’t matter to him.

The Olympian gods are painted as these unpenetrable huge mighty force and some fuzzy annoyed twelve year old dipshit sends them the severed head of a monster - but not any monster, the monster his father had a role in creating (well, Athena for the most part, but you know what I mean). (Also, I know this kinda reckless behavior gets sorta rewarded but at first, everyone was like ‘NO, NO, NO!’ before Percy was glorious with his attempt). Percy essentially tells these ancient forces that drive the way of his new cosmos how shit‘s gonna work from now on.

Percy isn’t fear riddled and doesn’t think about the possible outcome. He manipulates, he lies, he persuades and all of this as soon as he hits twelve. But probably earlier. Pretty sure he had to become a believable lier in order to trick (survive being around) Gabe. Perseus is angry, he’s agitated. Had Riordan written Percy as a soft spoken, frightened, goody two-shoed kid, almost nothing in TLT and the follow-ups would have made sense. He’s the outcast, but slowly blossoms into the strength and muscles of the group. Of the entire camp. Someone that outsmarts opponents and wins battles. But he didn’t do that by playing nice and being a bootlicker.

TLT would’ve been a perfect standalone book that would have emphasized that Percy is an involuntary person sive) if you skip Kronos, leave a little bit foreshadowing with the prophecy out, tweak the talks with the gods and Annabeth’s first meeting and skip Luke and the scorpion at the end. The ending would’ve been “and so Percy had a first awesome summer vacation and found a group of friends for life” or so (aka PJO movie 1 in less shitty and more cohesive).

The morally gray character shrinks a little bit in the SOM because there lie straighter dangers ahead which dive more into the bigger picture and Percy grows more into the character who takes care of friends and but he does come back with TTC, and definitely BOTL and the St. Helens explosion.

Consequences of Percy’s interactions had people partially dying. There is doubt, there is guilt. But the show must go on. There are battles that have to be won. There is no big giving up, no big overturn for the bad guys.

Also... isn’t it interesting that we start with Percy saying ”look, I don’t want to be in this world“ in TLT and it ends with TLO where he says ”for once I didn’t look back“? The full circle? The way that accepting his fate took five books? To change Percy from being an involuntary participant to becoming voluntary? He didn’t want to be a half-blood, he didn’t want to be the kid in the prophecy, but he actively chose to be in the end. He went from a darker shade of gray to a mayhaps lighter, if you want to say so.

To conclude, I repeat myself again: it’s not about whether Percy is a morally gray character or not, it’s that he has to be.

Thanks for asking me about some meta stuff I really do like diving into these things here and there. Tumblr’s sorta glitchy, I do get notifications but I really don’t see asks, so I’m sorry if my response is mad late ^^

#mel answers #pjo #Percy Jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #the lightning thief #rick riordan #the last olympian

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smytimagine · 4 years

Text

“The Assistant” Part IV: It’s Always Been You

Warnings: swearing, smut, fluff- hints at eating issues

Word Count: 5,311

A/N: Guys I’ve gotten pretty soft on Ethan lately, what is that about?! I started this story with totally different intentions, but that seems to be changing

Sorry this took so long! I was so hesitant to post it!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

____________

The sun started to set over the horizon as I dug my toes deeper into the sand, pulling them up every so often to watch the sand run off and in between them. Lisa and Cam were walking along the beach taking in the last bit of daylight and Alyana had dragged Grayson away the minute we got here to take pictures of herself for Instagram.

I looked up from my feet and noticed Ethan sitting slightly in front of me, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees letting the sun silhouette his face perfectly. I leaned back on my hands and just admired him for a minute while he stared out at the ocean, seemingly lost in thought. I realized how selfish I was to have spent the last 24 hours agonizing over the loss of someone I never had, all the while this wonderful man was right in front of me the whole time and never wavered. He had always been there for me, since day one. My biggest cheerleader and closest friend. Sure, Grayson was there too, but things seemed like they weren’t going to always be that way with him. I started to realize that I may one day lose Ethan too. Eventually, he will get a girlfriend and I really will be just their assistant.

I reached forward and grabbed his wrist. He broke his stare and glanced back in my direction, his face lighting up when he saw me batting my eyelashes at him. Something I always did before asking him to snuggle.

“Come sit back here, I’m cold” I lied and patted the sand beside me. He knew I wasn’t cold, I had my knees tucked into the hoodie he let me borrow, with the hood pulled up over my head

He laughed and scooted back so he was sitting next to me. He wrapped his arm around me as I leaned against his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his side. We sat there in silence for a few minutes, he had returned his stare to the ocean while I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent, and the feeling of his chest rising and falling with his steady breaths.

“I don’t ever want to forget this moment E, I don’t want to wake up one day and not have you in my life,” I broke the silence as I spoke barely audibly

He pulled away slightly and lifted my chin up to look at him, concern written on his face “Why would you say that? Y/N/N I’m not going anywhere” His eyes moving back and forth between mine as he ran his thumb just under my lip

“I don’t know, I can just feel things changing. Things are going to start to change in relationships and I’m not sure where I’ll fit into all of that. Grayson made it pretty clear today that I’m his assistant, not even his friend” I replied, trying my best not to sound weak.

“Well, you are our assistant…” as he started, I moved my eyes away from his as I tried to pull my face away from his grip, I didn’t want to look at him while he agreed with Grayson.

“…but you’re so much more than that. I know you don’t ever give yourself a second thought, but you are so much more than words can express. You’re my best friend. You’re amazing. Anyone who can’t see that is stupid” he continued.

As I looked back at him, our eyes met, he leaned in and touched his forehead to mine. I had a sudden urge to kiss him but I held off. If my relationship with Grayson was strained, I wasn’t about to fuck up the only strong one I have left.

Closing his eyes he sighed as he continued “He may be my brother, but he is a complete moron for not wanting to be in my place right now,” he softly placed a peck on my forehead. I melted at the feeling as his lips lingered on my skin. I wasn’t sure why I couldn’t bring myself to just cross that line with him. Being with Ethan would be so easy. Sure, we bicker sometimes, but one of us is always crawling back to the other one with puppy eyes shortly after. I guess I was always scared to ruin something so great. I’d rather keep things the way they were now than not have him at all if it went wrong.

He took my hand and interlaced his fingers with mine, I leaned against his shoulder again as we watched the sun making its last kiss of light over the ocean.

____________

Cam POV

Mom and I had gone for a walk once we got to the beach. Sure we had beaches in New Jersey, but there was something different about California. We never passed up a chance to head to Malibu when the boys asked us to go.

The sun was just starting to set and we decided to head back towards the group before it got dark.

“Cameron is that Gray and… oh crap, what’s her name again?” Mom asked as she turned to me with a grimaced face

“Clout Chaser Barbie? Yea I think that’s them, I’d say let’s go catch up to them, but I’d really rather not” I replied looking up to where my mom was motioning.

“Yeah, well she isn’t what I would have picked for my son, but we have to play nice for Gray, he deserves our support so he knows we’ll pick him up when this falls apart”

I couldn’t help but laugh. My mom made even the nastiest comments sound sweet. We continued our walk back when I caught a glimpse of something that stopped me in my tracks, Ethan and Y/N snuggled into each other staring out at the ocean. I nudged my mom to stop and look in their direction.

“Look at that, how perfect are they?” Mom said sighing while a smile crept across her face

“Pretty perfect, but they’ll never let it go there. E wants her to be happy, even if it’s not with him.” I shrugged. Everyone knew they were perfect for each other, even if they didn’t realize it yet.

“I think he could make her happy, I think he already does. They’re just both scared of what that could change” She assured herself, leading the way back up the beach.

____________

Grayson POV

Alyana had dragged me over to the pier when we got to the beach, it was golden hour and she wanted me to take some new pictures of her for her Instagram. I have to admit, this wasn’t what I had planned when decided to come here. I wanted to spend time with my mom and sister since I only got to see them once in a while. But, here I am, watching her take her 1,000th selfie, I guess this is my life now.

Y/N had stayed up on the sand with Ethan. I have no idea what has gotten into them both, but since when does Ethan stay at Y/N’s house when she isn’t feeling well? Sure, we have brought her over soup and smoothies when she has been sick before, but never once have we ever stayed the night.

I looked around surveying the beach from the pier, trying to figure out where everyone went. I spotted Mom and Cam walking back along the water line. I scanned up the sand and found Y/N and Ethan, faces pressed together. Did they just kiss?! What the actual fuck is happening right now... A sudden sick feeling fell over me

“Hey babe, you okay?” Alyana asked barely breaking eye contact with her screen

“Oh, uh, y-yeah I think so, why?” I managed to stammer out as I rubbed my hand over the back of my neck trying to shake off the bizarre feeling.

“All of a sudden you got really pale” she replied, holding up her phone to take her next photo

“I think I’m just hungry. Maybe we should go see if everyone is ready for dinner?” I lied.

I mean it wasn’t a total lie, I’m always hungry. But to be honest, I wasn’t sure what I felt. I just witnessed my brother kiss my best friend who is also our assistant, and I hated it. Ethan and Y/N have always been super close, we all have. But he should know better than to cross that line with her. This is going to fuck everything up for us. When they break up she will leave us. Not only will we be out an assistant, but we’ll lose our best friend.

Here I was with my beautiful girlfriend, who is a model, so surely that was why I felt sick about all of this right? How irresponsible of them. A new feeling of anger replaced the sickness I had just felt as Alyana and I made our way back from the pier.

____________

Y/N POV

The sun had all but completely disappeared over the ocean when everyone had met back up to where Ethan and I were sitting.

Ethan stood up, brushed himself off, and then held out his hand to help me up. Just as I reached up to grab his hand, Grayson walked in between us, and I fell back onto the sand landing on my butt.

“Oh, sorry,” Grayson glanced over his shoulder, not stopping to help

“Uh, that’s cool Bro, no big deal” Ethan tried to breeze past the moment as he helped me up brushing the sand off of my back.

What the hell was that about? I thought while brushing myself off, unable to ignore the obviousness of the situation. There’s no way he didn’t see Ethan’s hand out

“Where do you guys want to eat?” Lisa asked trying to break the growing tension

“Gray and I know this great place we take Y/N all the time, we could go there?” Ethan suggested. Everyone nodded in agreement, except Grayson, who had grabbed Alyana’s hand and was practically running up the sand towards his car.

The rest of us tried to shrug it off and followed up the sand towards Ethan’s Jeep.

“Hey Gray, we’ll meet you guys there?” Ethan double-checked with Grayson before we got into separate cars.

“Yeah, whatever bro” Grayson grumbled back

I looked over at Ethan to see if he had just heard the same tone I did. He returned my look with slightly furrowed brows and a shrug

Grayson closed the passenger door after letting Alyana in, looked over at the Jeep where Ethan was opening the passenger door for me, groaned and got into his car. l couldn’t help but divert my attention over to the blue Porsche, unsure of what was up with Grayson as I climbed into the passenger seat.

“Okay does anyone know what the hell that was?!” Cam broke the silence as we drove out of the parking lot. Ethan let out a chuckle as his hand found its usual spot on my thigh, I rested my hand over his as we all shrugged and shook off the moment. If there was anything the four of us were used to, it was Grayson’s mood swings. He should be over it by the time we all arrived at the restaurant.

____________

When we got to the restaurant we had somehow arrived before Grayson and Alyana, even though we all left at the same time. We were waiting outside when a heated Grayson was hightailing it to the door with a less than happy Alyana behind him.

“Oh, shit” I whispered to Ethan

I guess he’s not over it

“I don’t think we even want to know” he replied holding the door for me to enter the restaurant, both of us oblivious to what Grayson was actually upset about.

I was so happy Ethan chose a place I was so comfortable at. We came here all the time after a long day of work. It wasn’t the fanciest place in the world, but that’s why we loved it so much.

They sat us in a semi-private room. This was something we were all used to because the twins never got to eat peacefully in public. Sure, they loved their supporters, but they also loved food. Having an uninterrupted dinner was always the preference when we could get it.

I went to sit down when a chair was pulled out for me. I looked to my left to see Ethan winking with a smirk. I sat down as he pushed it in, then took the seat beside me.

Grayson sat down across from us but did not look in our direction. I had no idea what the heck had gotten into him all of a sudden. Earlier this week we were laughing over avocado toast and now today he’s telling Ethan I’m basically just their assistant, and won’t even look at me.

We each ordered our dinner and were having a great time, laughing and catching up, Ethan Cam and I shooting our straw wrappers at each other while Grayson and Alyana pretty much ignored the rest of the table.

“Hey Gray, can you pass the rolls?” I asked.

“Do you really need to eat anymore carbs?” she spoke under her breath

The table fell silent. I mean how could it not? She wasn’t exactly whispering. I looked over at her and then back to Grayson, who sat blank-faced at the comment as if he never heard it. I don’t know what I expected. I guess I thought he wouldn’t let anyone speak to his best friend like that, but then I remembered I didn’t know what we were anymore.

“Hey, new girl. Watch your fucking mouth” A voice spoke up from the opposite end of the table. I broke my stare at Grayson to look to my right finding Cam pushing back from the table removing her napkin from her lap as Lisa grabbed her.

“It’s okay Cam, let it go” I tried to calm her down by flashing her a smile. She knew it was fake, she could always see through my bullshit, but she sat down clenching and relaxing her fists under the table. At least someone was standing up for me

Ethan grabbed the basket of rolls and handed them to me. I took them trying my best to smile in return but placed it down to the other side of me, deciding against them.

I was never one to turn down food. Whenever the boys and I went out I never hesitated to order a burger and fries and chow down. I worked extremely hard on my physique and felt like I should reward myself once in a while. Never once did I feel low about my appearance until now.

I stared down at the remainder of my fries and pushed the plate away from me, reaching for my water to satisfy any remaining hunger I had felt. I was lost in my own thoughts staring into my glass when I felt a hand wrap over my thigh. I looked to my left to find Ethan eating with his left hand but grinning about our little secret. I placed my hand on top of his, squeezing lightly. Sometimes I swear he could read my mind.

The rest of dinner was one big awkward silence. Alyana decided she would keep her mouth shut as to not mess with Cam who kept death staring her while stabbing her knife into her left over cheeseburger. I would catch Lisa smiling at Ethan and I every once in a while. It didn’t catch me totally off guard. I knew that Lisa loved how Ethan and I were together. We had both tried to make it pretty clear to her that we were just friends, but I’m not sure she had let that ship sail yet.

Grayson had spent most of the dinner staring down at his plate or shooting eye daggers at Ethan. I couldn’t figure out what his issue was. I knew he thought it was weird Ethan stayed at my place last night, but usually they never let a disagreement last this long. Is that what he’s still mad about?

I wasn’t even sure Ethan had noticed. When Ethan was eating not much else could hold his attention. The room could be in flames around him and he probably wouldn’t notice. Or maybe, he was so used to Grayson throwing temper tantrums he was just really good at ignoring them.

____________

After dinner, Ethan had invited me back to the house to hang out and relax with his mom and sister. I felt slightly weird about it because of how this evening had already gone, but I tried to never pass up a chance to hang out with Lisa and Cam since we saw them so infrequently. As we pulled up the driveway and parked, Grayson was pulling up. Alone

I flashed him an innocent smile as he got out of the car, to a stone face in return.

I followed everyone else inside, followed by Grayson who stayed silent and disappeared down the hall once we entered the house.

“Should we go sit by the fire? Try this evening again?” Ethan suggested placing his hand on my lower back to lead us outside.

____________

We had all been sitting around the fire for about an hour, our faces hurting from laughter at stories Lisa was telling of the twins as kids. Ethan and I had snuggled up on the bench under a blanket. Grayson had decided to join us shortly after we got the fire going, I figured for his mom and sister’s company. Grayson might have been hot-headed, but he was a family man. His family always came first. He used to include me in that group, but I’m not so sure now. When he didn’t stick up for me at dinner, I was pretty sure that was all that needed to be said there.

He had been checking his phone non-stop since he sat down, obviously waiting for Alyana to text him, which it would seem she hadn’t. In between glances to his phone, he would fix his stare at Ethan and me. I couldn’t figure out what he was thinking about. It almost seemed like he was staring through us. I wanted so badly to call him out on his behavior, but what was I supposed to say?

Grayson had some flings here and there over the last couple of years, but he had never had a girlfriend he considered serious enough to introduce to everyone, so I had no idea if this is just how he was going to be in a relationship. Either way, that had nothing to do with Ethan and me.

____________

Lisa had headed to bed a while ago, the rest of us thinking about doing the same.

“Well, I should probably go. If it gets any later I’ll be too tired to even drive” I said pulling the blanket off of my lap and standing up to head back inside.

“Just stay here” Ethan suggested, eyes fixated on the fire

I had stayed at the twin’s house many times after a late night, usually crashing on the couch or the guest bed, but I knew they would both be taken with their mom and sister staying there as well

“I wouldn’t have anywhere to sleep, and as much as I love Cam, she snores” I laughed looking over at Cam

“Hey! Fuck you Y/N/N!” she laughed throwing her empty cup at me

“You can stay with me.” He mumbled, breaking his glance to look over in my direction

I looked back at Ethan unsure if I had heard his suggestion correctly

“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose” I asked nervously. As close as Ethan and I were, we had never shared a bed.

“Ethan, don’t be fucking stupid, she doesn’t want to sleep with you” Grayson blurted out. A look of disgust on his face.

“Grayson, don’t you need to go call your girlfriend? Your phone has been awfully quiet since we got home” Ethan pushed back

“Y/N you can either sleep on the other couch next to Cam, or you can have my bed and I’ll sleep on the couch. You’re not sleeping with Ethan. How stupid of an idea is that?” Grayson almost demanded throwing his hands around while he spoke.

For some reason I felt like I had to obey. Although we were all used to his moods, I found Grayson extremely intimidating, when he raised his voice, I usually listened.

“I guess I’ll take the couch then Gray... thanks for the offer though” I stammered, surprised he even addressed me directly after avoiding me all day.

He nodded looking smug about his interference.

____________

Grayson and Cam had headed to bed while Ethan and I stayed by the fire a while longer. As much as I loved everyone else, I loved these quiet moments with Ethan even more.

“Let’s play truth or dare” he spoke after a while of just listening to the fire crackle and the crickets chirping around us

“Really E? It’s just the two of us, how fun can that be?” I laughed taking another sip of my drink

“Oh, it can be really fun” he winked

“Ugh, fine you dork, you go first” I gave in, placing my drink down and waving him off

“Okay Y/N/N, truth or dare” he smirked and wiggled his eyebrows

“Truth”

“Of course you’d pick truth, because you’re afraid of what my dare would be” he threw his head back and chuckled

“Oh just shut up and ask your question” I replied, though he was right. If you ever play a game of truth or dare with the Dolans, always choose truth. Those two can come up with some crazy dares.

“Okay...” He sat forward leaning on his knees “ You didn’t eat the rolls tonight at dinner because Alyana made you feel bad about yourself” he said, more matter of factually than questioning, already sure of my answer

I have to admit I was caught slightly off guard about his question. I was hoping no one had noticed that I didn’t actually take any when Ethan handed me the basket

“Ummm” I tried to come up with a lie, avoiding his strong eye contact

“Y/N... don’t lie to me” he said sharply. By his tone I could tell he was irritated, maybe not at me directly, but at the memory of dinner.

“Okay, yes I let her get to me. How was I not supposed to when Grayson just sat there with no expression, letting her talk to me like that? I kind of figured if he didn’t say anything he must agree. How is that not supposed to make me feel like shit?” I confessed, leaning my head down avoiding his judgement.

Ethan stood up from where he was sitting across from me and came over to stand in front of me. He knelt down and took my hands in his, pulling my gaze up to meet his eyes

“You are absolutely beautiful. Don’t let some clout chaser make you feel anything other than that. I love watching you eat... not in a creepy way, but you’re confident. We all know you work really hard to stay in shape. I love that you treat yourself. I don’t ever want to go out with you and have you afraid to eat. Okay?” He said calmly trying to reassure me, brushing away a stray hair that had fallen into my eyes

“...okay E” I whispered

“Promise me Y/N/N” he insisted as he furrowed his eyebrows in concern

“Okay E I promise... now please stand up. It’s my turn” I tried to change the subject. It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate his sincerity, but I was embarrassed at how I let that stupid girl make me feel at dinner and I’d rather forget it.

He chuckled standing up to move back to his seat. “Okay, hit me”

“Alright. Ethan, truth or dare” I knew he would pick dare. Dolan’s never turned down a dare. And to be honest, I didn’t have a truth question for him.

“Obviously dare” he replied

*phew*

“Okay, E....” I looked around the yard trying to figure out what to dare him. “I dare you to jump in the pool. With all your clothes on” I raised an eyebrow looking back at him.

He shrugged and stood up heading towards the pool. I quickly followed behind.

“It would have been better if you said naked” he laughed

I rolled my eyes, I was practically asking for that response

“But I have a request first” he added turning back around

“I’m not sure that’s how this works but what is it?” I asked

“I need a hug. I miss you” he stuck his bottom lip out trying to make me feel bad

I walked towards his open arms “You’re such a dork, how could you miss....AHHHHH” my sentence was cut off as he grabbed me and flung us both into the pool

I gasped for air when I reached the surface of the water, looking around the dark pool for Ethan but didn’t find him

“ETHAN! WHY DID YOU DO THAT! I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!” I yelled seemingly into the abyss as I was quickly dunked back under the water

I swam back up grabbing him in the process, I wasn’t going to let him get away with it this time

“Why did you do that!” I yelled at him laughing, slapping his wet shoulder with my heavily soaked hoodie sleeve

“It was fun!” he laughed splashing me trying to avoid another shot

“Well I don’t have a change of clothes now you ass” I scoffed looking down at my wet clothes

“Oh, because you weren’t going to raid my closet anyway?” He asked smirking, hopping out by the ledge of the pool and reaching back down to help me

“I guess you’re right, but you’re still an ass” I shrugged and reached up to let him help me out.

____________

He interlaced his wet hand with mine as we slunk as quietly as we could past Cameron through the house. We both knew if Grayson saw us dripping water all over the floor he would kill us, I prayed he would stay in his room. Odds were good he was on the phone talking sweet nothings to his stick figure girlfriend.

I giggled as Ethan flung me past him through the door way as he closed the door behind me. He took off his sopping wet shirt and then turned around to find me in a staring match with his wet half naked body

“Hey Y/N/N? You okay?” he laughed, bowing his head to try to catch my eyes

I felt my face heat up

“Uh, yeah yeah I’m good.” I tried to look away and get distracted by literally anything else.

Ethan smirked at my embarrassment “Well, I’ll probably hop in the shower, if you want you can shower after me, just pick out whatever you want from the closet while you wait” he kissed my cheek as he walked into the bathroom turning over his shoulder to add “I’m glad I can get you to blush too”

My eyes followed him into the bathroom, since when do I blush at Ethan’s body? Since when do I watch him walk away like I’ve never seen him before?

I sat down on the bed listening to him turn the shower on. Lost in my new found thoughts I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with them

Before I could even think about it I found my feet carrying me to the bathroom door. I jiggled the handle to see if it was unlocked and was happily surprised to find it was. Was he hoping I would come in?

I opened the door and found Ethan in the shower letting the water run over him. The glass shower walls left little to the imagination. He hadn’t noticed me standing there yet, so I took the moment to really admire the man in front of me as he stood under the water running his hand through his hair. He was literal perfection.

I walked over to the shower and opened the door, still clothed I moved forward and wrapped my arms under his arms and placed my hands on his chest. He brought his hands up to mine

“I was hoping you’d come” He confessed

“You wanted me to?” I asked, pecking his shoulder blade while I rested my forehead on his back

“Yes” He replied, turning to face me. His eyes stared through mine as water poured over the both of us. He lifted his hand to the side of my face and ran his thumb over my cheek. His eyes raced between mine and my lips. I opened my mouth slightly, sure of what I wanted him to do next, but unsure if he would.

He leaned in and I felt his soft lips touch mine tenderly. I kissed him back as I brought my hand up to the back of his neck pulling him down into me more. Deepening the kiss his tongue begged at my lips for entry, to which I granted, a small moan leaving my throat. He pushed me up against the wall of the shower as he reached for the hem of my sweatshirt and pulled it up over my head throwing it down in a wet heap on the shower floor.

A moan escaped my lips as he moved his mouth from mine down my neck to my breasts, heaving under his touch. I watched the water bead off of his back as he worked his way down my body leaving soft kisses in his wake. When he reached the hem of my jeans he fumbled with the button, looking up at me for approval. I nodded, leaning my head against the wall as he kissed my hip bones.

He unbuttoned my jeans and slid his hands down both sides of my hips shimmying my jeans down to the floor, leaving me in a black lacy bra and underwear.

He stood back up, returning his soft lips to mine “You are so beautiful. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this” he said

“Show me” I practically begged between kisses.

I reached around and unclasped my bra and let it fall off my arms to the floor. His hands moving to cup my breasts then moving up to pin my arms above my head as he again laid a trail of kisses down from my neck, stopping to nibble and suck gently on each nipple.

I couldn’t help but pull my now unrestrained hand down to grab into his hair. Pulling his head back slightly to make his eyes meet mine while his bottom lip still pulled against the skin of my stomach, had me aching between my legs for his touch.

He hooked his thumbs through the sides of my panties, grabbing the front between his teeth. As he took his time moving them down he kissed every new inch of exposed skin, lingering when he reached my wet core.

When my panties finally fell to the floor he stood back up forcefully lifting me by the back of my thighs to wrap my legs around his waist.

“Are you sure you want to do this” he asked, burying his head into the crook of my neck, sounding needy and desperate

“Yes, please E. I want all of you” I reassured him, digging my nails slightly into the back of his neck while the other hand clung to his back.

He aligned our bodies and entered me slowly, letting me adjust to his size. I leaned my head back against the wall, eyes rolling into the back of my head, letting a soft moan leave my throat

“Are you okay?” he asked softly

“Yes, God yes. I want you so bad E” I whined trying to push myself onto him to feel him completely.

When he pushed himself all the way in another moan left my throat, this time joined with his own gutteral grunt.

I leaned my head forward, meeting his forehead with mine as he quickened his pace moving roughly in and out, stretching me to my limit and then pulling almost all the way out before ramming in again.

I gripped his shoulders tightly as my moans and screams of his name became uncontrollable. The grunts and moans that came from him only turned me on more. He had always been so gentle with me, this side of him was so sexy.

“Ethan, I’m gonna... I’m almost there” I managed to squeak out as I neared my peak, my toes curling behind his back

“Yes baby, do it, cum for me... God you are so beautiful” He spoke between thrusts

As I I hit my peak and rolled my head back against the wall, I dug my nails into Ethan’s shoulders and tightened my core around his cock. While I rode my high he started to quicken his pace even more. I could tell he was almost there because his thrusts became sloppy and his moans became breathy and desperate.

“I’m on birth control E, I want you to fill me” I whispered in his ear between his moans. He shook his head and squeezed his eyes as he thrusted again, drawing a moan from both of us.

His body caved as he gently put my feet back on the ground and wrapped his arms around my waist, leaning his head to rest on my shoulder as he stood in front of me.

“Be with me” he finally spoke

“I am E, I’m right here” I tried reassuring him as I smoothed his wet hair back

“No, Y/N, be with me... be my girl” he lifted his head to meet my eyes, placing a soft kiss on my lips

I took a moment to just watch how the water beaded off of his eyebrow, leading its way down his face to his chest. I brought my hand up to trace the droplet with my finger. When I brought my eyes back to his I nodded.

“Is that a yes?” he asked smiling

“Yes, Ethan. I know you thought it was Grayson. But I realized today at the beach that it’s you. It’s always been you E”

He lifted me up and spun me around making me giggle before he put me down

“You don’t know how badly I wanted to hear you say that. I promise I will make you happy every day. I want to be the man you deserve” he said placing his forehead to mine, lacing his fingers into my hair at the base of my neck

“You already are Ethan”

________________

A/N: Guys I am so sorry if this sucked! I’ve been wanting to write this chapter for so long but I suck at smut!

Tag List: @graydolan12

#ethan dolan #ethan dolan imagine #ethan dolan fanfic #grayson dolan #grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan fanfic #dolan twins #dolan twins imagine #dolan twins fanfic #Ethan Dolan Fluff #Ethan Dolan Smut

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theyarebothgunshot · 3 years

Note

ive seen anons freaking out about lack of social media interaction but i havent even seen anyone point out misha liked jensens most instagram post about radio company. now i dont think sm matters that much but just putting that out there for those who do. also idg why people think being away from each other or the end of the show means an automatic breakup like they had to be away from their wives/families for the show for long periods of time and those relationships survived (if we ignore the vicki spec which i do cause ia with what you said) soo. theyre used to having to do long distance. and they seem a lot more solid now than they were when the first breakup supposedly happened so i just dont see it happening again just cause the shows over? anyway i think not having to work as hard will be extremely good for them especially misha who was having to stretch himself way too thin over the last seasons and dealing with health problems. sorry to ramble i just have a lot of emotions 😔glad you dont mind anons cause i still havent made my own blog but i might give in lol

ohhhhh that’s a good point!! he would definitely not have liked that post if something was wrong between them. thank you for pointing that out, i missed that myself as well. and i agree with everything else you’ve said, for sure.

i definitely do not mind at alllll! also i am curious now: do you not have tumblr at all or are you considering making a sideblog just for this? because if it’s the first, i’m extra flattered that you visit my blog lmao. either way, if you do decide to take the plunge shoot me a message so i can follow you!

#im glad a lot of people agree with me that it's kind of reaching that things are wrong #Anonymous

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missmonsters2 · 5 years

Text

Drive Her Crazy || Part VII

PAIRING: Wanda Maximoff x OFC/Reader

Summary: AU. Meet Wanda, the new ‘It’ girl. She’s built her social standing as a social influencer through Instagram and vlogging on Youtube. Queen Bee in her social circle, she’s got everyone wrapped around her finger. She’s perfect, you think. Girls like that require a little finesse, and you’re ready to play the game.

Warnings: Non-healthy relationship, psychological games, eventual smut. 18+ only.

Note: Jealousy games yikes. Also happy 100 followers! I’ll be posting another prompt request soon :)

PART I || PART II || PART III || PART IV || PART V || PART VI

PART VII of X

Count: 4489

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You were lying in bed while Natasha slept. It was still the early hours of the morning, and you would give it another hour or two before Natasha would wake up to start her day.

When you had come into her home after leaving Wanda’s hotel, you were still so riled up that you started kissing Natasha as soon as she opened the door. The enthused woman immediately returned your attention, leading you to her bedroom and letting you fall on top of her.

You were kissing her roughly, moving your body against hers as she ran her fingers through your hair.

It felt good.

You wanted to continue. But you couldn’t.

The image of Wanda writhing underneath you stopped you from taking it over the line with Natasha.

And that had never happened to you with any other girl. You knew right then it could never be anyone but Wanda.

You stopped kissing Natasha, letting out a quiet sigh, and smiling at the redhead beneath you.

“Sorry, I just...don't want our first time being like this...I’m not quite ready.” You told Natasha, who graciously just rubbed your cheek and kissing you softly with an understanding smile.

You spent the entire night chatting softly together as she lay partially on your shoulder and your arm around her. She fell asleep at some point, but your mind was too wired to do the same.

When it felt appropriate, you got up as quietly as you could to avoid waking Natasha.

You think she would appreciate some breakfast.

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Wanda had spent the night in the hotel room, lying on her back in the same state you had left her in.

She mussed her hair messily and sighed.

She was obsessing.

Had you already reached Natasha’s? Were you kissing her with those same lips you had just kissed her with? Touching Natasha with those hands that were just on her?

Were you worshipping Natasha’s body when you should’ve been worshipping hers?

The temptation to call your phone or even show up at Natasha’s had crossed Wanda’s mind, but she resisted it.

Wanda was sure you wanted her, it was obvious. She was the right choice for you. No one would fit you better than her.

But if you insisted on being friends, then she would have to step up her game.

Wanda slept for a few hours before the day started. She had the hotel set her up with a driver to send her home with all her gifts. When she got home, Vision had returned. He looked incredibly hungover, and the sight sent Wanda fuming.

“Wanda--” Vision started, but she cut him off.

“Are you fucking serious?” Wanda seethes at him, and the volume made him wince and put his palm to his eye.

“Not so loud,” Vision pleads. A baffled look enters on Wanda’s face.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Wanda says, sarcasm dripping in her voice. “Is me being pissed that you went missing during my birthday, worrying me, but only for me to find out that you were just blackout wasted giving you a headache?”

Vision sighs, grabbing a glass of water and rummaging through the cabinets for Advil.

“Wanda, love, I am so sorry,” Vision said as he took two pills. “I don’t know what happened. I was signing my contract, and we just had a couple drinks to celebrate, and it just got out of control so fast.”

Wanda scoffs, crossing her arms. “Do you know how embarrassing it was for me for you to go missing without saying anything? You were the one who made such a big deal about performing for me!”

She uncrossed her arms, bring her hand up to grasp her temples with her middle finger and thumb.

“I am happy for you, Vision,” Wanda said tiredly. “I really am that you’ve finally got signed on. But you promised me you were going to be there. Do I mean so little to you that you would go and get that drunk elsewhere on my birthday?”

Vision went over and knelt in front of her, grabbing her hands in his.

“No, love, not at all. I’m sorry, I messed up. Let me still sing you the song I wrote,” Vision pleaded Wanda, putting her hands to his mouth. She pulled away, a frown on her face.

“I am not in the mood to listen to your song, Vis. I’m really upset.”

“Wanda, please. It’s just a birthday. I promise to make it up to you.”

Wanda’s eyes widened in disbelief.

“Just a birthday? Vision, it was my birthday. It was my birthday, with all of our friends and people I work with. It was near humiliation for me. I was so lucky that I still got a performance dedicated to me.”

Vision frowned, “Who?” He demanded.

“Lady Phantom,” Wanda answered with a sniff of her nose.

Vision got up and groaned.

“Seriously?” He asked, “her?”

Wanda looked offended. “What’s the supposed to mean?”

“Wanda, there’s something off about her. Since she showed up, everything has been going weird between us.”

Wanda scoffed, she couldn’t even believe what Vision was saying.

“Don’t blame your lack of attention to me on her! You put yourself in this situation. I have supported you for years, Vis. Always at your side with you pursuing music, even when no one was listening. I put my career aspirations aside to make sure you were comfortable. But the second you get recognized by some hot shots, I’m on the back burner?” Wanda narrowed her eyes at Vision as she spoke.

“I want a break, Vision,” Wanda said, frowning deeply.

“Wanda, no,” Vision pleaded, coming in to hug her, but she moved out of the way.

“Vision, I’m serious,” she said. She took off her engagement ring, putting it in his hand. “I need time to think, and we need time apart.”

Vision took the room, staring at it sadly before looking at Wanda again. He wanted to say something but with the look on her face, he knew she was serious. And when Wanda was serious, there was nothing that could change her mind.

He sighed, putting the ring into this pocket, grabbing his jacket and walked out the door.

When Vision was gone, Wanda sighed. She took a seat and rubbed her temples to relieve the oncoming headache.

She wanted to call you, but the fear of you not picking up, or worse, Natasha picking up your phone for you made her not.

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Natasha had been the one to tell you about a gala Tony was hosting for the 75th anniversary of Stark Industries.

You hadn’t seen or spoken to Wanda in a couple weeks, but you heard once again from Natasha that the two of them had gone on a break.

The news made you smirk internally.

So, you got dressed up in your chic custom made tuxedo, your slightly sheer white dress shirt unbuttoned enough to show your collarbone and the dip to your chest. You had an untied bowtie wrapped around the collar of your shirt, sitting perfectly on either side of your chest. You were rolling up the sleeves of your jacket and then used your fingers to delicately moved your curled hair over to one side.

Natasha came in with her tight red dress that fit her curves perfectly and showed off her back.

“You look unbelievably sexy,” She commented at the door, leaning against it with her arms crossed.

You looked at her through the mirror and smirked before turning around to walk towards her. She stood up straight, grabbing the lapels of your jacket and smoothing them out.

“Not looking shabby yourself, Miss Romanoff,” you said in return, moving in to kiss her lightly, moving your hand to caress her bare back.

“Mmm,” Natasha hummed. “Keep that up, and I may end up keeping you here.”

You chuckled against her lips and pulled back.

“I’m sure Tony will be displeased with me if I keep his favorite publicist from his party.”

“Favorite?” Natasha mused. “I’m his only publicist.”

“Not if we don’t get a move on now to the party,” you say, ushering her along to get out to the car waiting.

She laughs huskily.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

You two were the last to arrive at the party. They were all standing in a circle, and your eyes caught Wanda’s briefly. She was beautiful in her silver dress that ended just before her knees. It was a long sleeve, but the arms and her collarbones to her chest were all transparent lace designs.

She was staring at you, unashamed with her hungry look that no one noticed.

Clint had made a joke wondering what took the two of you so long while Bruce stared at the two of with a clenched jaw and drink in his hand. Vision was here as well, though standing a couple persons away from Wanda rather than next to her.

You kept your hand deliberately on Natasha’s waist, pulling her closer to you as you all talked in a group. You could feel Wanda’s eyes on you, and you soaked it up. Leaning over, you brushed your lips against Natasha’s ear, asking her if she wanted anything to drink. She nodded, and you pressed a light kiss to her neck, your eyes meeting Wanda’s for a split second before walking off.

You were at the bar, ordering a drink for yourself and then Natasha’s drink when you felt someone stand next to you. You looked over to see Wanda with a blazing fury in her eyes.

“I know what you’re doing,” she says, and you’re taking a sip of your drink before turning to her.

“And what’s that?” You asked her with a cock of your brow.

“You’re trying to get a reaction out of me,” Wanda said, leaning against the counter, purposely moving her hair over her shoulder to draw your attention to her defined collarbone.

You licked your lips subtly, but Wanda still caught it and smirked. You immediately drew your attention back up to her eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You tell Wanda. “I’m just here to enjoy my night with Natasha.”

With that, you walk off, two drinks in hand as you return to the redhead’s side. She smiles at you, taking her drink and gives you bedroom eyes. The two of you chat some more before you pull her onto the dance floor with you. Your hand is dangerously low on her back while she’s pressed up against you with that smile that made every man turn into a stuttering mess.

As you were leading the dance, you could see Vision tentatively ask Wanda for a dance. She looked at you on the floor, catching your eye once more. She smirked at you before agreeing to Vision, who then led her onto the floor. Wanda stared at you the entire time as she pressed herself closer to Vision and allowed him to guide her.

Your jaw clenched slightly as the way Vision was pushing his luck, caressing Wanda’s back, sliding further down intimately.

And Wanda not stopping it.

You turned your attention back to Natasha, smiling seductively at the woman in your arms as you spun her out before pulling her back in and dipping her slightly in your arms.

When you pulled her back up, you sighed a little.

“What’s the matter?” Natasha asked as you continued the dance.

You look into her eyes and just smile a little sheepishly. “Nothing. You’re just...so incredibly attractive. I just wish I could kiss you right now.”

The redhead usually was not one for public displays of affections, but her lips quirked up as she eyed you.

“What’s stopping you?”

You slowed your dancing, your eyes fluttered as they dropped to her lips.

“I might just really kiss you, Romanoff.”

Natasha tilted her head up, her own eyes moving to your lips.

“Don’t tease,” she whispers. Your dancing comes to a full stop as the song ends, but you lift your hands to cup her jaw, moving in to kiss her deeply and slowly. Your eyes open to look past her to see Wanda standing with Vision, jaw clenched at you.

Soon enough, you pull away and peck Natasha once more softly on her lips.

“Thank you for the dance,” you tell her, and she grins at you. You take a step back and bow slightly with the end of the dance.

“Find me later,” she mouths at you before walking off to find Tony to talk to some of the guests.

The party is starting to get a little full, so you walk out into the hallway to get some air.

As soon as you step out, though, someone grabbed you by the arm.

You looked over to see the social influencer next to you, pulling you further away from the ballroom.

Wanda dragged you to the washroom, pushing you up against the wall and trapping you between her arms.

"You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?“ She asked eyebrows pinched in irritation.

"Doing what?” You asked innocently. Wanda frowned even more deeply hearing your response.

"Don’t play dumb with me. You’re being all over Natasha on purpose. Don’t you think you’re being a little cruel to me?“ Wanda asked, closing the distance between your bodies.

You raised your brow at her. "Only as cruel as you being all over Vision in front of me. You didn’t think I would notice?”

Wanda only pressed her body right against you perfectly, her thigh between your legs and pressed against you intimately.

Your breath hitched, and Wanda smirked as she lowered her head to your neck and sucked at the skin there, being careful to not leave a mark.

Your hands clenched together in a fist as your eyes shut close. Wanda peppered kisses all the up your neck to your jawline before lightly swiping at your lips. There was a slight pause as Wanda watched you with half-lidded eyes before smashing her lips against yours.

She kissed you wildly, her hands wrapped up in your hair and thigh pressing against you more firmly.

You moaned into her mouth, and she pulled back slightly. Wanda’s face was still insanely close to you as you both shared the same air.

“Fine, keep your hands all over Natasha. Just remember that only I can make you feel this hot. You can do whatever you want, but I know it’s me you want underneath you, writhing as you fuck me.” Wanda hissed, her mouth so close that the words vibrated off your lips.

Suddenly, your body felt cold as she pulled away. You opened your eyes to see Wanda standing there looking smug as she licked her lips, and walked out of the washroom, leaving you alone.

You relaxed against the wall, leaning your head back as you let out a big sigh, smiling to yourself.

This.

This was how you wanted someone to react in a situation like this.

You didn’t want them to cry or beg for your attention.

You wanted them to demand it.

And oh, Wanda certainly did a great job of claiming it.

You stayed in the washroom for a couple more minutes before returning back into the ballroom. You spotted Wanda at the bar, talking casually with Clint and Sam. She noticed you as well, only looking at you in her peripheral before returning her attention to Clint and Sam.

The next thing you noticed was Natasha and Bruce talking heatedly in the corner. Judging from the situation, you could tell Natasha was getting visibly angry with whatever Bruce was saying to her.

Walking over, you came up to the two of them with a smile, effectively stopping the conversation as you put your hand on Natasha’s back.

“Everything alright?” You asked, more towards Natasha as you eyed Bruce.

He was certainly reaching his limit faster than you had expected. You couldn’t blame him, though. Perhaps he had caught you passionately kissing the redhead on the dance floor.

“Everything is fine,” Natasha said, tone a little clipped. She grabbed your hand, smiling curtly at Bruce.

“If that’s all, we’ll be off now.” Natasha pulled you away from the scientist, and you just followed her.

She still looked a little upset with her eyes focused, brows tightened, and nostrils slightly flared. Once you felt far away enough, you stopped, tugging Natasha to a stop as well.

She turned around to you and softened at your expression.

“Are you okay?” You genuinely asked. Natasha sighed, dropping your hand, but you stepped closer in response.

“Yeah, just...it’s really complicated with him as I told you,” she replied, closing her eyes for a brief second as she ran her fingers through her hair.

You could feel it. Bruce was just a step away from snapping and doing whatever he could to get Natasha back.

Whatever you had with Natasha was ending.

The only question was if you were going to let her go before that happened.

You put your hand on Natasha’s arm, rubbing it up and down to comfort her.

She opened her eyes, staring at you with a small smile.

“Do you still love him?” You asked her softly.

The question made the redhead freeze momentarily, but it was the answer you needed, and Natasha knew.

“But I really like you too,” she softly told you. You returned her soft smile with your own.

“But it’s not really over between the two of you, is it?” You ask her, dropping your hand and putting the other into your pant pocket.

Natasha pursed her lips, eyes watering just ever so slightly. “I don’t want things over between us. You’re amazing, and we’re good together. We make sense.”

“Sometimes the love you want doesn’t always make sense,” you tell her, and it fits perfectly in both your guys’ situations.

Natasha just gives you a sad lopsided smile as she goes in to embrace you tightly.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbles against your shoulder. You return the hug equally as tight, rubbing her back up and down.

“Don’t be. Not like we made it official or anything,” you joke and she chuckles. “We’re still friends, Nat. I want you to be happy, so go get ‘em, tiger.”

Natasha pulls back, kissing you one last time on the cheek and smiles before leaving you.

You sigh, a little relieved that you were able to end things on good terms with the redhead, but now you were stuck in a different predicament.

Wanda would eventually find out that you and Natasha ended.

And while she was on a break with Vision, a break was only a break until it officially ended or they get back together.

You needed to find a new distraction and quick.

The game was still on, and Wanda was quickly getting the upper hand.

And you never lose a game.

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Wanda was eyeing you like prey the moment you had entered back into the room. Clint and Sam were talking to her about something, but she had tuned it out a while ago, just nodding at the appropriate places.

She watched as you walked over to Natasha and Bruce and huffed a little.

Seriously? After that hot moment in the washroom, you still walked to Natasha first?

She watched from her peripheral the entire time as Natasha was dragging you away before the two of you chatted. Then she was hugging you, and you were returning the hug so intimately.

The hot burning jealously pooling in her gut made her grip her glass a little tighter.

“So, how are things between you and Vision?” Clint asked, bringing Wanda’s attention back.

“Huh? Oh, I guess it’s okay,” Wanda answered. Honestly, she hadn’t really been talking to him since the day she told them they needed a break. From what others have told her, he was currently staying with Tony.

“Yeah, I saw the two of you dancing earlier,” Sam commented.

Wanda nodded, relaxing her grip on her cup as she took a sip.

“Yeah,” she said for lack of anything else to say.

“Any thoughts on getting back together?” Clint asked, neither hinting that he wanted them to or not.

Wanda glanced over at Vision, who was already staring at her. She turned her attention back to Clint.

“To be honest...no,” Wanda answered honestly with a sigh. “Maybe it seems like I’m overreacting over him not showing up for my birthday, but it’s more than that. I guess things have been changing for a while, I just kept holding on thinking that I could make it work.”

Clint gave her a sympathetic look while Sam put his hand on her shoulder, comfortingly.

“We’ll support you no matter what, Wanda. Just, maybe let Vision know that as soon as possible, so he’s not holding out hope longer than he needs to. It’ll get messy if that happens.” Clint advised her, and Sam nodded in agreement.

Wanda gave them both a half-hearted smile and nodded as she hugged both of them. They left her alone after a moment, and Wanda sighed as she left the premises again, this time to stand outside.

It was a little brisk, and she regretted not bringing a jacket as she wrapped her arms around herself.

Suddenly, a jacket was being wrapped around her shoulders. Her heart flared up as she turned, hoping to see you, but it was only Vision standing there.

“Hey,” he greeted her softly.

“Hey,” she returned quietly.

The two of them stood there silently next to each other for a couple minutes.

“I’ve had a lot of think about over the last few weeks,” Vision said, breaking the silence.

The two of them turn to face each other, and Vision had his hands in his pockets.

“I messed up. Real bad, and I know that. I’ve taken you for granted over the years we’ve been together. You were right. I think a part of me has always wanted to be in the same league as you, and when I wasn’t, the insecurity made me drag you back.” Vision confessed, regret in his eyes.

“But, I want to change that. I have a chance to change all that,” he started and pulled out Wanda’s ring from his pocket. “I will be a better man, the man you deserve. Someone who supports you in your career aspirations too. I have to leave to New York to work on my debut. If that goes well, I will go on tours.”

He grabs Wanda’s hand, pushing the ring towards her. “I want you to be there with me. I want to do this together and reach new heights together. Whatever you want there, I will happily give you.”

Vision finishes his speech, holding out the ring and waiting for Wanda’s response.

To be honest, this is the most romantic thing Vision has ever said to her. Months back, this would’ve made her heart flutter, and she would’ve been crying as she said yes.

But now?

Now all she could think of was you.

Your eyes, your smile, the way you looked at her, the way you put her in the center of your universe to make sure she got what she wanted.

The hot explosion she felt when you guys kissed, and the hot liquid fire she felt pool in her belly when your hands were intimately on her.

She wanted you.

And Wanda would be the only person to have you.

She pulled her hand gently away from Vision, giving him a sad smile.

“This break has given me a lot to think about as well,” she told him. “It made me realize that things have been different between us for a while, even if I may not have shown that to you. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but my heart is no longer in it.”

Wanda watched as Vision’s expression turned to heartbreak, and she put her hand on his cheek. He pressed his face further into her hand, his own hand holding it there as his other lowered the ring.

“I am so happy for you, Vision, to get the recognition you have always wanted. You’re a great man, but you’re just no longer the man for me. You’re going to reach new heights, even without me.”

Vision couldn’t say anything, a large lump stuck in his throat and a burning in the back of his eyes as he looked at the love of his life.

He swallowed the lump painfully, looking at her once more.

“I just have to know one thing,” he said, voice a little raw.

It was all he could think about. He had noticed some Wanda looking at you occasionally tonight. Tony had filled in him what happened at the party, and it didn’t sit well with him.

“Are you in love with her?” He asked quietly.

Wanda was silent as if to contemplate her answer. She looked at Vision, a resigned expression on her face.

“It has nothing to do about why we’re ending,” she finally says. It’s enough for Vision, and he nods, shutting his eyes painfully.

Wanda tippytoes up and kisses Vision at the corner of his mouth before coming back down. She drags her hand out of his while he slowly hangs on before her hand slips from his grasp completely.

Wanda walks away, simultaneously feeling sad but also relieved. She wanted to go back in to find you.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

You, on the other hand, had been around the corner, listening into the conversation of what Vision and Wanda were saying. You had noticed she was missing and had gone out to offer her your jacket knowing she didn’t bring one.

You hadn’t expected that Vision had been already out there. Your hands clenched your bicep a little tighter as your arms were crossed, and you listened to Vision romantically confess that he wanted Wanda back.

But Wanda, to your astonishment, rejected him. You had expected her to play it out a little longer to wind you up a little more. God knows the burning rage of jealousy you felt today watching her all over him while dancing revealed to Wanda that she could also play you like a fiddle.

But this was her edge.

And it was beautiful to you. The way she obsessed over you and was unraveling was a work of art.

Perhaps the game was ending sooner than you thought.

It was now a matter of who was closing in on who.

You licked your lips, still tasting the remanents of Wanda from earlier.

Getting up from leaning against the wall, you decided that you were heading home for tonight.

Otherwise, you’d find yourself the prey caught in Wanda’s trap.

Not that you would mind, you thought with a smirk.

But you would be the hunter before you would be the prey.

PART VIII

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x ofc #yandere wanda #yandere wanda maximoff #yandere marvel #Scarlet Witch x Reader #Wanda Maximoff Imagine #avengers imagine #Scarlet Witch Imagine #Marvel Imagine #mcu #avengers #Avengers AU #avengers reader insert #series.drivehercrazy #g.smut #mm: my fics

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ivcsisms · 4 years

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- ̗̀ NOW INTRODUCING: IVES ❝ IVY ❞ SERRANO !

new york’s very own ives “ivy” serrano was spotted on broadway street in ysl opyum sandals . your resemblance to danna paola is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty third birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being cantankerous , but also effervescent. i guess being a scorpio explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be red satin lingerie, a fresh set of stiletto nails, and designer drugs tucked into designer bags.

♡ — › 𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲 / 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬 & 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 & 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 & 𝐚𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜

helllo hello hello, i’m tay and this is my demon child ivy ! she’s literally a nightmare i am .. so sorry. anyway here’s some random, rambly facts abt her:

ok first things first, she’s LYING ur honor !! everything she says is a lie, and i literally mean everything. her real name isn’t even ives, it’s natalie, but anyone who knows her by that name has been heavily paid off or forced to sign an nda

as far as anyone knows, she’s ur average trust fund baby, but she actually grew up entirely poor, working as soon as she was legally allowed to save up money and escape that life. she always felt like she was destined to be rich, that she deserved that life for some reason, and she would stop at nothing to get there

she started stripping literally the day after her 18th birthday, and as soon as she realized how easy it was to manipulate old men into giving her money and supporting the lifestyle she wanted, it was over for them & their wallets ( it’s not a secret that she was a stripper she’s loud & proud about that, it’s the scamming / sugar babying that no one knows about )

she started posting on instagram under her stage name, poison ivy, a few years later, carefully crafting her online image and tricking people into thinking she was a spoiled rich bitch named ives, but now she’s in so deep she doesn’t even respond to her real name, On All Levels Except Physical she is a rich bitch named ives

ofc she bought followers at first to boost herself, but then she actually took off as an influencer/instagram model, and now she basically coasts off brand deals ( and ofc still sugar daddies ) to keep up the charade, and she’s pretty much faked it until she made it into an easy life. like she’s definitely well off, but she couldn’t afford all of the luxury items/her apartment/vacations/etc without still scamming

she also steals from and scams her rich friends a lot, but she’s gotten so good at being sneaky and lying that ppl rarely suspect her, and she has a good excuse/lie when they do

also beware she is definitely the type of fake bitch that is nice to ur face but then tells ur secrets/rumors or whatever to tabloids for the money or will like be shady towards u to make news on drama sites or whatever idk she just likes to be in the middle of drama bc she knows its an easy way to get her name out there and get more followers n shit

anyway she’s a huuuge party animal, she can pretty much be found at some exclusive club or event or party every night of the week, and she’s never met a drug she didn’t like so if ur looking for a good time bling her line, just don’t be surprised if she ends up picking a fight with someone, or causing some sort of scene, or getting kicked out for smoking weed in the club, or something stupid idk she’s chaotic ok !!

she will do just about anything to cause a scandal or get people talking about her, she lives on the attention ... literally ( this is a not-so-subtle hint to give me fake pr relationships or fake fights/drama ok )

ok im sure i could go on forever but i have to go to work RIP so basically just don’t trust this bitch !! everything she says is a lie nd she will do anything to make people like her or to get money or attention. ig drop a like on this post if u wanna plot or do a thread or smth and i will come bug u when i get off work in a few hours !!

#wealthyhq:intro #shez evil but i promise it will b fun and shes not terrible all the time ladksfj

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strawbwrry · 5 years

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happy new years

i’m here to wish all my lovely followers a happy new year, and to thank all the wonderful people i’ve had the pleasure of talking to and meet on this app!

moots!

@x1-imagines cAMI, i’m incredibly glad to have you in my life! you are the best internet best friend i could’ve ever gotten. thank you for listening to my rants, and dealing with me and my clownery!! you’re honestly the sweetest and i’m so thankful i reaches out to you after you tagged me back in what? july? august? i don’t remember, but i loVE YOU!!!!! i’m especially thankful for everything you’ve done for me through the time we’ve been moots! thank you cami, i really mean it! 💚💙💚💙

@seunguwusss MJ MY BABIE 💗💖💝💘 my 06 liner bud! i’m so incredibly happy that you reached out to me! i will ALWAYS be here to listen and talk if you need me and i’m so thankful that you’ve listened to me when I needed it! you’re the absolute sweetest, and you’re such an interesting person to talk too and i’m so thankful you’re in my life! you’re so supportive and kind i couldn’t have asked for a better friend! while we are the same age,,,,you’ve become almost like a slightly younger sister with how often I baby you, but i cant help it....you’re too precious for me not to!

@choi-yeonjunz eunHEE! you’re honestly a sweetheart oh lord, you reached out to me after i posted many summers past, and i’m so glad you did! i remember when i saw the reblog you left on it i was so thankful for a reaction to it, so when you messaged me i was even more excited! almost every time we talk you scold me for being up too late, but you still stay up with me when I can’t go to sleep and I’d like to say i enjoy your company a lot! we have totally different time zones but every conversation we’ve had, whether you stayed up or i did, has been amazing and i’m so thankful for them all!! 💙💜💚

@leeeunsangs hey vyvi! we haven’t talked much, but I’d still like to give you a lil thanks message as we start a new year! watching your dance covers, and occasionally your live-streams on instagram, is so cool! your dance covers always look amazing! even if we don’t talk much, i’d love to talk to you more this year (if you’d like tee hee) thank you for letting me rant about yunseong that one time hee hee i’d gladly let you rant about anybody of your choice if you’re up to it! 👋☺️💝 (for you)

@witty-lasagna we also don’t talk much, but the few times we have, ive enjoyed our conversations a lot! i’d love to talk to you more, and seeing you pop up on my notifications is always a delight! your meme are amazing, and you’re so sweet i might have a cavity! if there’s somebody i’d love to interact with more, it’s you! ✌️☺️✌️

@hyuckdae yO mAO we also don’t talk that much, but thank you for listening to my endless blabber and complaints about things in my life! i appreciate you a lot, and can only hope to talk to you a bit more in the future. but hey for now...you got any anime recs? sksksksk your theme is always amazing, and you have had some incredibly funny moments, i’m glad we became moots! ☺️☺️😘

special thanks to~~~~

@softwonjunnie you inspired me to write for pdx! you’re the first writer for pdx i ever followed, and the person who made me want to write, thank you! we’ve interacted before and i’d like to come out and say, tis i 🌻 anon!

@asdfghjilysm / @asdfghjilysm-vol2 the eunsang picture you posted started this all! i’m so glad i decided to use the picture to write many summers past! i’d love to talk to you more and don’t forget..i’m always open to questions about under the rose! 💕

@sweetdejun i absolutely adore your writing and i’m so glad that i found your blog! your blog is amazing and i need to read your series!!! 💕

@soobinie-s you inspired me to start writing for txt! while i’m not that active on my txt blog anymore...you also inspired me to continue writing and for that i’m so thankful! thank you for being so encouraging urri! 💗💗

@hwayoungscorpioshin i adore each one for your series and im excited for the next one! sorry for bombing your notifications, but real talk we’ve only ever talked a bit but I’m a big fan of your blog, and you seem like suck a nice person uwu 💖

#gabby lubs her moots #hehe #happy new year #💗💞💘💕💝💖💗💞💘☺️#end of ; twenty-nineteen

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prorevenge · 6 years

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My hippie math teacher was real garbage.

So some background: as a kid, I’ve always been pretty good at math. It was always my best subject, I’d catch onto concepts easily, but I hated it. Not because math was hard or anything, but because no matter how much I hoped, my math teacher would always be the type that would be like “Use the formula I gave you or it’s wrong.” Now, see, my mind works in what others call “a super weird way.” Every time I was taught a new concept in math, I wouldn’t use the formula that the teacher gave us because I’d have a hard time remembering it and I thought it was too time consuming and expanded. Instead, I’d come up with a more efficient, step skipping formula that worked just as well.

Other students would ask me how I do the math so fast, and when I shared the formula with them, they found it much easier and did it just as fast.

So rewind to 7th grade. I was like, 12 or something at the time. I had finally got a good teacher that allowed freedom for multiple formulas because “math is math.” We had her for about a few months, and I really liked her teaching. She got into a freak car accident and took her leave, and from what other staff members told me, she was “lucky to even survive.” I never knew how bad the crash really was, but from what I was told, she cheated death. Staff said she was supposed to come back in a few months, and until then, we would have a long-term substitute.

Before I knew about the accident, I walk to class over in the way corner of my school. At the time, I remember having a class right before that was on the opposite corner of school, so I’d often be late if I walked too slow. So, I turn the corner of the building and notice there’s no students waiting outside, meaning the teacher had already opened the door. Unusual, but I checked the time, and I was earlier than normal. So, I knocked on the door. I waited and waited for someone to open the door, because usually it’s the nearest student to the door who opens it. I knock. And knock. It’s about a few minutes of constant knocking until someone opens the door, but he’s looming above me.

When I look up, it’s a new teacher, long hair and a beard, kind of looks like Jesus. Yes, he was a hipster. He opened the door right after the late bell and said “you’re late.” I explained to him I had been knocking the past few minutes and nobody answered the door, to which he responds “That’s because I told them not to. You should have been here when I opened the door to begin with.” I wanted to explain I had a far away class and I couldn’t be considered late since the late bell didn’t ring, but he didn’t take any of it. I had to go to detention that day.

So, let’s call this teacher Mr. Hippie for convenience. I sat next to my friend, lets nick him Bro, and ask what’s the deal with this guy. Bro tells me that I’ve already made a bad impression, told him to elaborate, to which he explains the whole accident long term sub thing.

So to summarize the first part of his teaching, he didn’t actually teach us anything. Instead, we did completely pointless activities that have nothing to do with math. One of these activities was a class game where we had to tell each other a list of jokes and whoever got the most laughs got the most points and won the game.

So we read these jokes that we’ve been given, and it’s a list of inappropriate jokes. They were all pretty racist, sexist, etc which we already knew he was extremely prejudiced based on his everyday, passing language towards us (some include “girls have good handwriting because they waste their time practicing their letters” and “the only guys that climb mount everest are white dudes because they’re the dumbest people out there” and “girls wouldn’t get raped if they just stop overestimating their strength” whatever that one even means). I can’t think of all the jokes off the top of my head, but here’s some I remember:

Why are religious Jamaicans obese? Because at church they chant “Praise the Lard.” What’s Miley Cyrus’ favorite food? Roast twerky. Why can’t the Kardashian’s swim? Because they have more plastic in their butts than in the whole ocean.

I objected against playing this stupid game because of all the offensive jokes in it, some of which I related to and was offended by. He sent me out of class that day. Bro got sent out eventually as well, because instead of using the offensive jokes, he said a stupid knock knock joke that made the class laugh out of pure stupidity. “Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “Pizza delivery guy. I burned your pizza because it had pineapple on it. Bad move, cuz.”

At some point when we actually started learning math, Hippie was a douche, He did the same old same old docking me points for not using his formula thing. We were doing white board problems, to which he forced me to do the most complex ones. When I did them correctly and showed my work, he’d think I was wrong until he checked his calculator. Bad move. So, instead, he erases my work off the board in front of literally the whole class, and says to me dead in the eye: “You didn’t show your work.” So, I said, “Alright, I’ll show my work.” So I did. Again. And he erased it. By that point, I was fed up with his bull, so I just left it at that.

When we took tests, we would grade the papers as a class. He would tell us the answers, to which he’d screw up on middle school level questions. Every time I got a different answer, I would ask him to do it on the board, and that would prove he was wrong and I was right. He hated me more for asking questions.

Every time I “technically” got a question wrong, he would call me an idiot, slow, stupid, etc. etc. and even passed a few “maybe if you were a guy you’d be more useful.” I tried telling this to the teachers, but they weren’t having it. I tried waiting until he would finally leave, but info came out that our teacher wasn’t coming back, so we’d have him even longer. So naturally, I did some digging.

Bro and I searched his full name up online and found an admittedly hidden link to his Instagram account, which I won’t leak, but it was golden. He posed himself literally as Jesus, with several sexual and racial posts and memes. He had solid evidence of smoking weed and vaping off campus too, and it looked like he was also becoming the path to an antivaxxer at some point. Some posts included things like “You can’t cure cancer, yet you take away our medicine?” Followed by a picture of weed or something of that sort.

Though it wasn’t exactly what I wanted him fired for, I brought it up with the counselor. She said they’d look into it. While it was followed up by several other students, I was walking home one day when I saw Hippie with a big bag of what looked like posters as he threw it in his trunk and drove off. We came back one day to a brand new, female teacher. Posters that Hippie put up were gone, just like the ones he threw in his trunk the other day. She explained to us the old teacher had been fired for suspicious online activities, and will likely have a hard time ever getting a new job. Since then, the Hippie’s name had been removed from the account, but it’s still up and running by him.

We had that new teacher for the rest of the school year, which wasn’t exactly long, but she did teach us math and threw us a big party on the last day of school, though she still didn’t approve of alternate formulas. Sorry this was quite a long one, fellas, but I thought it was worth sharing.

TL;DR: Got a math teacher fired for his inappropriate Insta after he made sexual jokes and racial slurs and straight up insulted me for months.

(source) story by (/u/TheAcidicFire)

#prorevenge #by /u/TheAcidicFire #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #last10

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esckeyes · 5 years

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My Quetzal Story

If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, you probably saw a lot of pictures of this bird called the “quetzal” recently. I am having a hard time describing why it was such a big deal for me. So I will try a longer post.

I read a history of Hernan Cortes’ conquest of Mexico once. I felt like the book itself was too kind to Cortes. But the one thing I vividly remember (and perhaps even problematic books can have glimpses of beauty) was a description of the native peoples trying to save quetzal feathers instead of gold and jewels on “La Noche Triste” (needs new name?).

I had never heard of this bird called the quetzal (or the Resplendent Quetzal, more properly). I googled quetzal feathers and found some lovely looking—but probably fake—headdresses said to belong to Aztec nobility. I also found out that the quetzal is mostly extinct in Mexico, which made me sad. The feathers were such a beautiful color and they were a great symbol of the Mexica people.

Cut to my sister (who travels a lot because she does a job that pays her actual money and gives her vacation time. Weird!), planning a trip to Costa Rica. I was super bummed because I was the one who took Spanish in school. She took French. I knew very little about Costa Rica from my textbooks (my Spanish IV textbook had cultural pages with history and information about various Spanish speaking countries. They usually were about how some asshole treated the people like shit). Costa Rica was a nice change because it didn’t have a lot of war or upheaval--there was a lot about colorful animals and their focus on saving them. Mostly I remember that they abolished the army and I thought that was cool. I wanted to go.

I don’t remember exactly when, during my sister’s time researching her trip that I learned there are still a few quetzals alive in the wild of Costa Rica. That is all fuzzy. But the point is: she was going to the country with these Mexica quetzals I wanted to see AND the eco-friendly Spanish-speaking nation without me? I was a big ball of pout.

So for Christmas, my dad said he would pay for me to accompany my sister. (My parents don’t like that she travels alone anyhow, I don’t think.)

I kept showing people videos on YouTube and gifs on Twitter. (Not everyone liked that I did this) I also learned some random quetzal facts from the internet. But I was worried I wouldn’t actually get to see one because they are nearly extinct and, well, you have to be lucky. I am not a bird-watcher or an experienced naturalist. I just like stories and the myths surrounding the quetzal. Symbols greatly intrigue me.

— The quetzal was considered sacred to many indigenous peoples. It is associated with the Mesoamerican god Quetzalcoatl. Notice the similarity in the names. (You have probably heard of Quetzalcoatl as the god the Aztecs were said to have thought Cortes was. I was taught this in Spanish class. But it is an exaggeration at best and the purpose of this story seems to be “these natives are dumb” even though their society was so advanced and awestruck the Spanish.)

— Quetzal feathers were worth a great deal (obviously more than gold to the Aztecs). It is still the name of the currency of Guatemala, though they are sadly paper now not actual feathers. And this got me thinking about the arbitrary nature of “wealth” and why shiny rocks are worth more than shells, feathers, or other parts of nature. It seems like putting a higher value on life itself.

— The quetzal also is supposed to represent liberty. I read online that one would “kill itself” in captivity (more on this below) and hearing its song before battle meant victory over the Spanish. THIS IS ALL COOL STUFF THAT COULD BE USED AS A METAPHOR IN A BOOK AND WHY HAVEN’T I READ THIS BOOK.

Anyway, back to my trip to Costa Rica. We looked online for the best places to see a Resplendent !uetzal, because, again it is hard and there are only a few places they live now.

My sister already planned a visit to the Monteverde Cloud Forest Reserve so that was a possibility. But our guide there said, when I asked him about it, that thousands of people go into that forest but that maybe only 10% get to see a quetzal.

The cloud forest itself is very cool. I learned about rainforests in school but not cloud forests. It’s wet and green everywhere. I found it a bit overwhelming. Our guide would say, look at that [insert species] over there” and I would be like, “I see trees.” There was just so much. We actually did pass by a female quetzal at one point (the female is not as brightly colored as the male) but I saw movement and that was about it.

If I am honest, I was a bit disappointed. But I kept telling myself that I was lucky to see one at all.

However, the next day we went to the Curi-Cancha reserve. (Take a moment to appreciate how great it is that Costa Rica has so many nature reserves.) I told our guide there that I would like to get a picture of a quetzal if possible but I had seen one the day before.

He knew a lot about birds. I asked him if there were any that he’d love to see and he mentioned an endangered bird he needed to go to South America to see. (I had meant in the park itself so I was thrown that he was talking about taking a trip to see a bird. But I guess that is what I was doing, wasn’t it?)

So when he heard through the grapevine of guides (if you go to Costa Rica and you should, keep an eye out for how all the tour guides alert each other if they saw anything cool down the way—it’s like an animal whisper network) that a male quetzal had been spotted in an avocado tree, he made me and the other family on the tour RUN to the tree. I appreciated this but felt bad for the other family because maybe they didn’t care.

The guide took SO MANY pictures for me. I wanted to cry.

Here is Mr. Quetzal sittin’ and showing off his long tail feathers.

This photo (and others) were taken for me by my guide through a scope. Then he made us RUN to another side of the tree because he wanted us to see that the quetzal feathers look different colors in different light. Most describe them as green or blue but—FUN FACT—they are actually mostly brown but iridescent for better camouflage. (The red spot is said to be blood from the Conquistador Pedro de Alvarado. More fun mythology!)

Look how fuzzy his silly head is. I love him so much.

Our guide also talked about the myths around the quetzal. I may have stepped on his toes there some. (Sorry!) But he cleared up the whole “They kill themselves” thing. He said they are easily stressed—aren’t we all; I feel ya, bird bro—and being caged can cause them the have heart attacks.

He also said there are fewer of them every year, so if you want to see one, go soon. This is because the female quetzal can only lay two eggs during a small window of nesting period, and said eggs are vulnerable to predators. Also the nesting period, formerly March to June, is getting thrown out of whack by global warming making it warmer earlier. This is probably why I was able to see one in February since the nesting period is when they usually come out and about.

But, possible good news, he said zoologists have successfully hatched one in captivity in Mexico recently. The only articles I can find on this are in Spanish and it sucky because I want to know everything. Can someone please let me know?

Especially considering one of the myths I read was that the quetzal would not sing in Mexico until the Invaders were defeated. Like, is it revolution time now? Should I get a weapon? And what does it mean that scientists engineered this revolution? I have questions about how this fits into the mythology, damnit!

I have a lot of thoughts.

#quetzal #quetzalbird #resplendent quetzal #costa rica #quetzalcoatl #mesoamerica #hernan cortes #monteverde #curi cancha #birds #aztec #nahuatl

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sun-summoning · 6 years

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#25 Fashion Design - Marinette, Clara Nightingale

When Clara firsts casts Marinette and soon gets to know her, she is absolutely certain that this girl is destined for greatness. She’s kind and well-loved and so utterly talented. Clara checks out Marinette’s Instagram and is a bit put out to see she doesn’t post as many of her designs as she should. She has full faith in her capabilities though so reaches out to her with a request anyway.

“You want me to design a gown for you,” Marinette repeats, blinking at her as if the idea is absurd.

“That’s right. I do.” Clara grins. “If anyone could make me look lovely, I have no doubt that it’s you.”

Marinette shakes her head. “Your music video literally featured outfits by Gabriel Agreste himself. And now you want to go downgrade to--”

“Don’t sell yourself short! You’re greater than you think.” She looks at the swatches of fabric strewn about on Marinette’s desk. “Now I was thinking something long, something flowy--maybe something pink?”

“Oh.” Marinette nods slowly, as if confirming for herself that this is actually happening. “You’re serious.”

“Of course I’m serious, or I wouldn’t have pressed. I just know that with you, I’d be the best dressed.”

And so over the next few months, Marinette designs the loveliest gown of dusty rose for her. It takes up virtually all of her free time and requires heaps of supplies that Clara can’t even name, but she gets them for Marinette anyway. The only thing Marinette seems to turn down is an assistant.

Clara is positively radiant on the red carpet, twirling just so to show off her bodice embellished with rose appliques over a mesh that matches her skin. She glides along with her full, tulle skirt, and when she’s asked over and over who designed this gown for her, she refers everyone to Marinette’s Instagram account for her designs and commissions.

Overnight, Marinette gains some thousand more followers and counting.

ii.

Clara throws a grand party for her twenty-fifth birthday, something that wouldn’t be complete without an equally grand dress to turn everyone’s heads. She’s been dressed by countless fashion houses, but when it comes to these truly special moments, Clara can’t help but seek out Marinette again.

“I know you’re still in university,” Clara says, “so I know you have school, but please, please, please, Marinette. Your designs always rule!”

Marinette giggles, wondering when she ended up on a first-name basis with one of Europe’s most adored singers. Probably between the album cover she designed for her two years ago and the gown she wore when she won an award for it. “It’s fine, Clara. I’d love to.”

“Really?”

“How could I not?” Marinette opens her Instagram and switches to her design account. She’s certainly been gaining attention from other designers and models. More importantly, she’s been getting those commissions, which have been helping her stay afloat while in school. “I think I gain an extra thousand followers every time you tag me in one of your photos with my clothes.”

“That’s wonderful!”

“It definitely is. I am, after all, a fashion student with an uncertain future.” She pockets her phone, grinning widely. “I’d love to design your birthday dress for you, Clara. Did you have something particular in mind?”

“Anything you make will be perfect.”

“You have to give me something to work with.”

“I believe in you, Marinette. You have free reign on colour, silhouette, whatever.” Clara claps her hands gleefully and then takes Marinette’s in hers. “I just want to be striking.”

“Alright,” Marinette agrees slowly, always eager to rise to a challenge. “I can do that.”

“And I want pockets.”

She laughs. “Oh, I can definitely do that.”

iii.

For the first time, Marinette says no to Clara’s request for a gown. It’s not about money. Clara always provides her with whatever materials she needs and they always settle on a fair price. And it’s not about time, because Clara is asking nearly a year in advance. It could be about the amount of work, which Clara thinks is fair, but Marinette said it’s not that either.

Maybe it’s the pressure. Marinette, now interning, now really focusing on building her network and reputation, is afraid. Sure, she’s always been out there. A quick search to her name yields outfits worn by Clara herself, Jagged Stone, Luka Couffeine, and that doesn’t even include links to information about her achievements in various contests.

Designing Clara Nightingale’s wedding gown would draw a lot of attention. Much more than anything else Marinette might have done in the past.

“I’d really love to,” Marinette tells her softly, “but I just...I can’t right now, Clara.”

“But why?” Clara insists. “I can hire someone to help you--”

“No, it’s just--I can’t.” Marinette shrugs. She sighs deeply and sips her tea to find something to do with her hands.

Clara looks around Marinette’s one bedroom apartment and finds it strangely devoid of life and personality. She remembers Marinette’s childhood bedroom, pink and overflowing with little bits of what made Marinette the girl she is. There were photos of her friends, sketches tacked onto the wall, magazine cut outs, half-made mockups, and more. Here, Marinette seems to just come home and sleep.

“Up until recently, my personal life has been....” Marinette rubs her neck. “There’s something I was really busy with. And now, well, now it’s over. And I have a lot of time on my hands,” she admits with a sad smile. “While that’s ideal for wedding gown making, I think...I think I really need it for me.”

There’s something about the droop in Marinette’s shoulders that makes Clara nod. She keeps tucking her hair back before brushing her bare ears. Clara wishes she could get Marinette to design her wedding gown, but she can’t force her to. Marinette just looks so sad. So worn down and uneasy. Like the idea of having time to herself is bittersweet.

To her knowledge, Marinette never had a pet, but she looks like she might have lost them. Or no, Clara decides, that’s not it. It’s more like she lost a dear friend.

Deciding to step up to that role, Clara smiles at her. “You’ll still come to the wedding though, right?”

“Huh?” Marinette blinks. “I’m invited?”

“What? Of course!” Clara reaches across the table and grabs Marinette’s hand. “You’re my favourite designer, Marinette, and you’re very dear to me. If I can’t get you dressing me, then I can at least make you eat dinner and drink some wine with me.”

“I’d...I’d like that.”

“And--” Clara curses herself for starting because now she can’t stop. “You can say no, but what if you design something for my rehearsal dinner then? That’ll be fairly low key, I promise--”

“Okay.”

Clara blinks because she didn’t actually expect to succeed here. “Okay?”

Marinette nods slowly. “Okay. I can use the work,” she says, sounding like she’s trying to convince herself that the dress wouldn’t be a distraction. “What were you thinking?”

Clara shakes her head as she stands. Marinette reacts, standing as well, so Clara pulls her into a hug. “Focus on yourself for now, Mari. We can deal with my dress another day.”

iv.

Meeting with Marinette no longer happens in bedrooms above the bakery or in sad, bare apartments. This time, Clara visits Marinette’s studio, marvelling at the pieces that are on display before meeting with her favourite designer herself. Marinette soon rushes out in a green smock that really just makes pregnant look all sorts of chic.

Clara greets her with kisses before shaking her hand like it’s a joke. Her gaze falls down to Marinette’s middle and she grins.

“What are you at now? Six months?”

Marinette sighs heavily. “And counting.” She rubs her abdomen. “To be fair, I don’t think it’s this little one that’s making me so tired.”

Clara nods, knowing that Marinette’s ever-growing name also comes with a lot of demand. Moreover, a need for constant exposure. And Marinette always seems to forget that she married into fashion royalty. Or maybe she’s well aware of that, Clara considers. Maybe she’s trying to prove herself beyond everyone’s presumptions by heavily overcompensating.

“Did you make that dress yourself?” Clara asks.

Marinette’s face twists into a scowl. “Maternity dresses always look so frumpy. And the non-maternity dresses that can work with my stomach always look strange on my chest.”

Clara practically shakes in giddiness. “Do I sense an MDC maternity collection in the near future?”

“More like one titled afterbirth that is largely sweat pants and with prints that resemble spit up.” But Marinette pauses, genuinely considering a possibility of maternity clothes. “Or perhaps...actual dresses that fit properly. And then after that, matching outfits for mothers and daughters?”

It all comes out like a question, but Clara knows Marinette is completely zoning out, especially when she reaches for her sketchbook. Clara keeps her mouth shut, preferring to spend this time watching Marinette’s creative process. After all, she technically came here to commission MDC into creating something for herself and her daughter for the girl’s tenth birthday.

“And suits!” Marinette continues. “And then little baby suits--” She cuts herself off with something between a squeal and a cry. She sniffles and then rests her hands on her belly. “I just--that would be so cute.”

“It would be,” Clara agrees.

Marinette turns to her, as if remembering she’s there, and then promptly flushes. “Sorry,” she mumbles. She laughs sheepishly. She closes her sketchbook and moves it to the other end of the table. “You came here for a reason. So how can I help you, madame?

Clara pulls the sketchbook back and pushes it Marinette’s way. “Continue with that, won’t you?”

“I can do that later,” Marinette protests.

But Clara considers the image Marinette had been in the process of sketching, a woman and a little girl in matching sheath dresses adorned with roses.

“Nonsense.” Clara leans back in her chair. “I want whatever you’re making.”

When Clara is set to celebrate her induction to L’Ordre national de la Légion d'honneur for her contributions to the arts, she asks Marinette to design her dress for the ceremony because just who else is there?

The morning of the ceremony, they’re alone in Clara’s suite as Marinette ensures that everything fits Clara the way it should. The navy neckline settle just off her shoulders, looking tasteful but still elegant for this special event. The dress is much simpler than anything Marinette has ever made her before, but Clara positively adores the waterfall handkerchief that adorns the right side of the knee-length skirt.

When she’s finished looking over every single stitch, Marinette stands straight, takes a step back, and assesses Clara in the dress.

“Satisfied?”

After a moment, Marinette nods, making Clara roll her eyes. “The dress is fine, Marinette.”

“It’s--”

“Polished, professional, perfect for this event.”

“I know.” Marinette shakes her head and that seems to remove her from her stupor because she’s smiling. “I don’t think I’ve said this yet, but congratulations, Clara. This is a great honour.”

“You’re coming tomorrow night, right?” Clara is throwing a party to celebrate her new status as Chevalier among her family and friends. It would be only fitting that Marinette, who designed tomorrow night’s dress as well, was in attendance.

Marinette shakes her head though. “Emma has a recital,” she explains.

“And you have a Spring line to design.”

“And I have a Spring line to design.” Marinette laughs. “Although only after Emma’s recital.”

Clara nods, knowing just how much family matters to Marinette. She almost snorts when she recalls that all of Paris (and even the world) knows that, if her line of matching outfits for parents and children a few years ago was anything to go by.

Before Marinette finally leaves, Clara grabs her hand.

“What’s up?” Marinette asks. It’s not like this dress is particularly finicky, unlike her other designs.

Clara just pulls her close. She knows she might be wrinkling Marinette’s hard work, but this hug feels more important.

She’s grown so much since being the kind-hearted teenager that starred in her music video decades ago. They both have. Marinette is almost her height now, and she’s a woman with a career and husband and three kids at home.

“I don’t know how many times I’ve said this, but you really are amazing, Marinette.”

“Isn’t today about your lifetime achievements?” Marinette teases.

Clara draws back and pats Marinette’s cheek. “I’ve won more than enough best dressed awards to prove that keeping you by my side is one of those achievements.”

Marinette bites her lip. She pulls away and grabs her bag of supplies. She moves to leave, but Clara calls her name when she gets to the door.

“I’m so lucky to have been able to watch your talents flourish.” Clara beams at Marinette Dupain-Cheng with pride. “I can’t wait to see what you do next.”

#fic #marinettemarch #ml

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bennguinfest · 6 years

Text

Spring 2019 Fan Fest Prompt List

Hey fan-festers!

We’re happy to say that we received 81 prompts this time around, and we spent the last few days distilling all those amazing and creative prompts down to a list of 63 prompts! (If you’re keeping count, that’s far more than last year’s 48!)

As with last year, we had some repeat prompts and prompts that were similar enough that it made sense to condense them under one item. Additionally, most of the prompts we distilled down to a few words for the sake of having a concise list! Again, like last year’s fest, we’re providing the full text of the original prompts under the cut, in case you’re looking for more details to get started!

You’re free to create any kind of fanwork based on the below prompts! There’s no minimum word count and no rules on what to create, or even how many - if you want to combine prompts, that’s cool! If you’re called to make more than one thing, that’s awesome too! The only limit is that this fest runs from now until April 15th - so if you’re creating something, make sure you post it and tag it with #bennguinfanfest so we can share it to this tumblr! If you’re posting to AO3, the collection is now open for submissions as well, so make sure to include your work there so everyone can find it!

One final thing: even if you didn’t submit prompts, feel free to participate and join us on the discord! We’ve set up a discord server here: bennguinfest on discord to stay connected, inspire each other, and have fun! It’s a great group and really active, so don’t be shy!

That’s it! On to the prompt list!

Matchmaking dogs

Space AU

Birthday gifts

Coming out/being together in the NHL

Acting like a couple (but they’re not actually a couple)

Tyler as a WAG

Transported to a parallel universe

Abducted by aliens

Superhero/Superpowers AU

Amnesia from an injury

Soulmate AUs: Color-based, name-on-wrist

Thirst follow/Met online

Drag AU

Time loops

Alternate histories

Cop AU

Reality show AU (Survivor, the Bachelor, Married At First Sight)

Jamie Poppins/Single dad AU

Supernatural races (vampires, werewolves, shapeshifters, etc.)

Omegaverse: Courting

Delivery boy/Uber driver AU

Tyler gets traded back to Boston

Breaking up & making up

Omegaverse: Bonding drama

Boring office desk job

Road trips

Protective Jamie defending Tyler

College/University AU

Tyler tries to be Jamie’s wingman

Lites’s comments affecting the boys

Taking care of a sick hockey player

Cuddle pile/team bed fic

Harry Potter AU

Fire alarm meet-cute

DnD/Hockey Mashup

De-aged after a fight

Bakery/Tattoo Artist AU

Friends with benefits - and then with feelings

Zombie AU

Homeless AU

Nerds are hot/competency kink

Omegaverse: scents

YouTube channel AU

Bridal shop meet-cute

Beard appreciation

Tornado warning

Figure skater mpreg

Self-conscious Jamie

Wing!fic

Winning the cup and a kiss on the ice

Lifeguard AU

Haunted farm

Animal daemons

Surprise/sudden parenting

Jealousy from dating/flirting with someone else

Secret relationship and almost getting caught

Long-lost childhood friends

"Come here."

“Close the door.”

“I feel like I can’t breathe.”

“It’s three in the morning and you want me to do what?”

“You could’ve died.”

“I thought you were dead.

Full text of the prompts under the link! If you have any questions, feel free to send us an ask - and as always, happy creating!

1. Matchmaking dogs: Tyler’s dogs want to get their human with a certain cow-eyed captain

“well this is really awkward considering the last time we saw each other, i was screaming at you to never talk to me again, but like, my dog recognized you all the way across the park and literally dragged me over here because she misses you so hi” AU

2. Space AU (ex. Star Trek, Firefly, or something else entirely)

3. It's Tyler's birthday and at first Jamie gives off the feeling that he's forgotten and this hurts Tyler but it turns out that that Jamie wakes Tyler up at midnight on his birthday with two tickets to an offseason trip

4. I want a fic that REALLY captures what it would be like if two NHL players were to come out in 2019. I'm talking teammate reactions, press reactions, social media, family, the whole shebang. I wanna see the real raw reactions and the struggle the guys would have to go through. I would also loooove if you could fit Jamie proposing to Tyler in there somewhere but it isn't a necessity.

Jamie has a hard time dealing with how public Tyler’s life is, with the insta stories and with random people filming him all the time. It feels like it’s only a matter of time before their relationship is exposed because of how much Tyler is in the public eye. Jamie doesn’t want to break up but it seems like that’s the only choice he has. He doesn’t want to do this so much that he calls a press conference and comes out of the closet.

Jamie and Tyler have been dating since 2014 and he’s tired of hiding it. So with Jamie’s consent he posts a cute photo of them being a couple and writes a heartfelt monologue about their story. And the whole hockey community blows up about it. And it’s kinda about how they deal with being and out couple and Tyler posting obnoxiously cute couple photos on his Instagram. Sorry this prompted is a mess I just want Tyler to be a troll and post cute cliche couple photos on Instagram of him and Jamie and the world loading their minds about it.

Jamie and Tyler come out to the team about them dating. Management wants to keep their relationship secret so they make Jamie fake date someone. And him and Tyler struggle with the stress that puts on them.

realistic consequences of being together with the team

5. Tyler and Jamie are super close but super oblivious to the fact that they act like a literal couple. Jamie has a gf and she hates the fact that it seems like Jamie cares more about Tyler than he does her.

6. Fluffy fic where Jamie still plays hockey, he meets tyler and they fall in love and tyler becomes an nhl wife/husband/boyfriend.

7. Parallel universes -- somehow Tyler (or Jamie) finds himself in an alternate universe where his life is radically different (for better or for worse) which makes him realize how much his relationship to Jamie (or Tyler) means.

waking up in the future/alternate reality fic

8. Jamie and Tyler are abducted by aliens and taken to a faraway planet where they are prisoners in a bizarro planet. Is it real or is it a nightmare though?

9. jamie and tyler are in danger and major trouble when their identities as superheroes are revealed and bad guys are after them.

powers/mutant AU (as in pick one, not all at the same time) One hides their ability from the other, and when the other finds out, its...not good

Superhero AU! Are they superhero partners? Is one of them a superhero and can't date the other because he has to keep him safe? Are they both trying to keep their secret identities secret from each other while simultaneously dating in both iterations? Up to you, or anything else!

10. Amnesia angst for the win - Jamie gets a particularly hard hit, wakes up and can remember everyone except for tyler (maybe not explicitly, say they can *remember* them, but not remember that they've been dating for eight months now) cue tyler avoiding jamie because its too hard him to be around him

11. soulmate au! people are born with blackmarks - on their hands, their faces, their skin in general - the black marks is the first place their soulmate would touch them. Jamie was born without a mark. Tyler was born with two pitch black palms. Years after tylers been traded to the stars, Jamie falls asleep, and tyler can't help but run his fingers through Jamie's hair, just once, and then he looks down at his hand and the tips of his fingers are colored, and so are the few strands of Jamie's black hair.

Soulmate au- either abo or name on wrist. No drama, just fluff!

12. Tyler thirst follows Jamie on insta. This can be hockey or non-hockey, but Jamie follows back and they start talking.

13. Rupaul’s Drag Race au. Tyler and Jamie are competing against each other but are constantly talking about how much they like each other/are attracted to each other in the confessional. They’re both single, so why not go for it? Alternatively, one is a queen and the other is a member of the pit crew.

14. groundhog day au (aka, tylers/jamies day keeps getting reset, again and again until they get together finally and wake up the next day)

15. alternate history, tyler is never traded to dallas, but they still somehow meet and fall in love anyway

16. cop AU, where in tyler the rookie transfers and get stuck with Jamie the sorta senior to show him the ropes. Jamie gets attached. And that’s...a problem, in their line of work. Or at least it is for him.

17. Survivor au- same or different tribe, as long as they’re the “showmance”

"The Bachelor" AU

Married at first sight au- either within the parameters of the actual show, or they literally get married the day they meet

18. Jamie!Poppins - tyler is a single father with a new baby and no clue of what he's going to do. enter Jamie Poppins!

19. Minotaur Jamie

The Dallas Stars are a pack of werewolves, and Tyler is the vampire that’s been traded to their team.

Shifter verse!! and ive got nothing else for this other than wanting to see tyler as a tiny lab puppy pls and thanks

20. Alpha Tyler and omega Jamie: “usually when I meet an omega I wanna bone, but with Jamie I wanna fucking hold his hand and feed him bonbons all day, what the fuck”

21. Jamie the delivery boy. Kay hear me out. Like he keeps delivering huge quantities of food to this particular house and it always seems like there should be more than one person. But there’s not. And Tyler orders. All. The. Time. Hopeful it’s jamie. But they’re both too dumb to ask each other out. Lots of pining

Uber driver! Jamie picks up Tyler from a one night stand

22. Tyler gets traded back to Boston AU - Everything hurts and nothing is okay. (except that at least one of them is retiring at the end of the season so it's actually more okay than they think) (also a future fic)

23. breakup and makeup but spanning over seasons - no cheese plots

24. Bond drama (abo) either they bond too quickly, like at the all star game or something and dont know ehat to do because theyre on different teams, or they really want to bond and its not happening as fast as they think it should

25. Boring office desk job

26. road trip to Montreal to visit Jordie

27. while out chilling at a bar celebrating a win, jamie and tyler are having a couple of drinks and when jamie gets up to go the bathroom, a drunk stranger and a couple of his friends decide to harass Tyler, upsetting him. A furiously protective Jamie intervenes and despite holding his own, Jamie is beaten up and him and tyler end up in a dumpster.

28. A University fic where Tyler is out and proud and gay and Jamie is still trying to figure out his sexuality but he's having a hard time. No homophobic Jamie tho please, just a guy trying to figure himself out. Would love if he would rely on his family throughout the fic for advice.

I’m always a sucker for college au, or masters/PhD students etc

COLLEGE AU BECAUSE WE ALL NEED MORE OF THAT IN OUR LIVES

'the cops showed up to a party we were at and chased everyone away. You and I happened to run in the opposite direction of all our friends and got lost in some dark and creepy street.’ - College AU

29. Tyler finds out Jamie is gay (outed/comes out/whatever you prefer) and embarks on a wild but good-intentioned quest to find Jamie his perfect man.

30. Tyler is hurt by Lites' comments more than one thinks and Jamie is worried when he sees Tyler crying in private.

31. sickfic? jamie taking care of tyler is- like just how pathetic is a sick hockey player?

32. team bed au omg someone pls

33. Harry Potter au but not as high school student, just something in the magical world

34. "3am and the fire alarm in our apartment building went off and you look cold here is my jacket"

35. Hockey AU but they’re all dnd races. I would love to see half-orc Jamie, and goliath Bishop, and tiefling Tyler. Please be as creative as you want with this!

Hockey AU where instead of going out, a core group of guys plays dnd in their hotel rooms while on the road. Tyler and Jamie’s characters are getting flirty in game, and it’s starting to translate outside of it as well.

36. Tyler and jamie fight - a *big* fight, and the next day Jamie suddenly got a deaged tyler on his hands and no idea how to fix it

37. Jamie owns a bakery and tylers the new tat artist next door plsplspls gimme that slow burn bullshit with this one

38. ty/jam used to have a whole friends w benefits thing that went oh-so-wrong because one (or both of them) caught feelings—as one does—and the fic is kind of that aftermath and trying to repair the broken relationship.

39. ZOMBIES

40. Homeless AU w/tyler

41. Tyler is smarter than he leads people to believe, and Jamie is into privately nerdy Tyler

42. Abo verse surrounding scents. Tyler smells like the most delicious thing Jamie has ever smelled, but he thinks he shouldn’t bond with a teammate

43. Youtube channel

44. Designer and single friend of client at a bridal shop AU

45. Beard appreciation

46. a tornado warning hits dallas and everybody is ordered to seek shelter. jamie follows tyler back to his house and hide in the basement with the dogs, frantic and terrified.

47. Tyler is a figure skater, Jamie still plays hockey. They meet and fall inlove but whoops tyler ends up pregnant. The world still isn't 100% accepting of LGBTQIA+ people and even less accepting of men getting pregnant. Tyler feels down at some point cause he has to put his career on hold. but it all ends up great in the end.

48. Jamie feels self-conscious about his ass after some chirping from opposing players and it's up to Tyler to comfort him

49. Wing!fic

50. They win the Stanley cup and kiss at centre ice

51. Jamie's a lifeguard. They meet after Tyler basically drowns himself. (It's not an excuse to have Jamie kiss him. Its *not*.)

52. Haunted farm au- Tyler is a witch that lives on a farm where extremely weird things happen. He ends up rescuing Jamie and Jamie pledges his services for one year in exchange for his life. During that year, they fall for each other hard, but there are outside forces in the farm trying to keep them apart.

53. Animal daemons

Goose daemons

54. Marshall, Cash and Gerry turn into human kids (temporarily or not), Bennguin handle being sudden parents

55. Tyler having a serious boyfriend for a while and Jamie is jealous because he wants to date Tyler but he’s not ready to come out. And he’s also upset because everyone is taking it so well and nothing has changed and he realizes he really missed out. But in the end they still get together.

56. secret relationship and how they almost get caught - many many times

57. Childhood pen pal / long distance childhood friends?

58. "Come here."

59. “Close the door.”

60. “I feel like I can’t breathe.”

61. “It’s three in the morning and you want me to do what?”

62. “You could’ve died.”

63. “I thought you were dead.”

#bennguin #bennguinfanfest #bennguin fan fest #hockey rpf

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thirteenthspirit · 5 years

Text

“People don’t kill themselves over love” (Part IV)

Link to part 1 “I would, my friend, Fernando”: http://thirteenthspirit.tumblr.com/post/182269822949/i-would-my-friend-fernando-part-i

Link to part 2 “I wish I hadn’t”: https://thirteenthspirit.tumblr.com/post/183770872439/i-wish-i-hadnt-part-ii

Link to part 3 “I am confusion”:https://thirteenthspirit.tumblr.com/post/184778393699/i-am-confusion-part-iii

It’s been about a month since the last update to this story. I’ve been through the thick and thin, rose high and fell low. I wish I could say I was over you, but… I’m missing you so much today that I couldn’t be further from that goal.

I continued therapy. Weekly sessions, they helped me detangle the mess in my head. But they didn’t really do much to ease the pain of heartbreak, time is the only course of treatment for that. And time did pass.

Not enough. I kept having regular triggers upon receiving your messages, even if they were only to boast about your most recent “shiny” encounter. And as light-weighted and simple as they were for you, they were monumental for me. They ruined my day. Rekindled the connection I was trying so hard to bury. Part of it was my fault, the withdrawal from not actively contacting him made me check his Instagram profile, which was riddled with references to his boyfriend – a bit masochistic of me, I realize.

The last straw happened at an Ed Sheeran concert. Big event, took place in a stadium here in the city. I went with my roommate, she had tickets. We were sited, waiting for the concert to start, when I saw you post on the Pokémon group a screenshot of the arena, with the caption “Looks like Ed Sheeran turned into a Snorlax!”. My stomach dropped immediately. I also commented I was there, and he immediately came to speak with me via private chat. Obviously, he was there with his boyfriend – and 7 other of said boyfriend’s flamboyant friends. He kept complaining to me how he hated the music and didn’t feel like he was fitting in at all, among the people he was with. So his boyfriend had paid him the ticket and he was complaining, to me, while standing next to him? Real mature. Anyway, it ruined the concert for me. Let’s just say the sad songs were a sob fest for me, for about 10 mins straight.

I realized then that the proximity wasn’t doing any good. I had changed houses, I stopped going to any part of the city where I might encounter him, and yet… the tether was still there. Any sign of him was still enough to send me reeling. So I knew the only way forward would be to do what I was most afraid of – completely cut him off. I had postponed it long enough.

It’s the first advice people give you upon a breakup – sever all ties immediately. But since we didn’t have a relationship per se, I assumed normal rules didn’t apply.

So sever is exactly what I did. I took a knife, went straight to his house and – no, ok. Fine. Only in my mind did I do that, sometimes. I just cried and went to therapy. During a session, he messaged me, by pure chance – my session was taking place during the “Cresselia raid hour” and he wanted to let me know he had caught 3 shinies, asking whether I already had one. My therapist saw, live, the effect a simple message from him had on me. She could read it in my face. All the join and mindfulness completely drained away in .5 seconds. So she pushed me to cut him off. In that moment.

I didn’t want to at first but I myself had realized previously I needed to do exactly that. So I filled myself with courage and texted him “Hum… Could you please not text me anymore?”. His reply was “Huh?”, to which I answered “Thanks. Sorry.”. He then retorted with “Ok. Bye.”. It wasn’t exactly “bye” but it’s an expression in Portuguese akin to that – “Fica bem”. Meaning “stay well” but in a more “Peace out” chilled and dismissed way.

And that was it. That was the last time I spoke with him. It’s been over 2 weeks since then and there has been 0 contact whatsoever – I still see him speaking on the Pokémon group all the time, but I just stopped opening that conversation. Sad that I’ll have to sacrifice losing some good friends just to stay away from him but if that’s what it takes… I just can’t deal with these triggers anymore.

The following day I cried my eyes out, which I still hadn’t done. A necessary step in every breakup (?) I’d wager. People go to therapy over losing friends, or so I’ve been told.

Either way, I don’t know if the realization that I’m the bad guy in his story, the mad one who stopped wanting to be friends overnight and needs to go to therapy over his crippling depressive state, helps me or not. It hurt more then than it does now, so that should be the takeaway. Then again, I was never really that important for him, so losing me didn’t affect him in the slightest, right? So I’m not even worth the label of ‘bad’ or ‘important’ guy in his story. Just a shrug of the shoulders without even a second thought.

So that’s my life now, I guess. I still have my triggers, my moments. I still avoid going to 50% of the city because of him, including my parent’s house… Lucky for me they have been super understanding, and come hang out with me at my place instead. My mother suspects what’s going on but doesn’t know 100%.

The only dark thought is… when does this stop? I’ve done everything I was supposed to and yet there are still days in which I am so lost and hopeless without you. Then again, maybe I would’ve felt the same way with you – your narcissism definitely wouldn’t help me in the slightest.

I took the title of this chapter from something my therapist told me. You see, I had spent the past weekend at my roommate’s parent’s house in the country, which stood upon a rocky cliff. That cliff was a notorious spot of election for suicides. The odd unfortunate soul or two had been known to take their lives upon those rocks, tossing their ID into the garden of the house. And after returning home… I couldn’t stop thinking of the cliff. Couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The privilege guilt I felt over that, I mean how could I, a young man with no visible disabilities or hindrances in life, who is only hurting over a stupid love rejection, compare myself to the people who were so desperate that they wound up actually taking their own lives – people with real problems, real issues.

Either way, I couldn’t prevent the thoughts from escalating. My friends made me promise to talk to my therapist about them, which I did. She started keeping a closer eye on me from the on, but her immediate reply was this:

“People don’t really kill themselves over romantic heartbreaks. In most of the cases, it’s about money. The money troubles really take the cake on this one. But love… passes. It doesn’t stand the test of time. So hang in there.”

And hanging in there I (still) am.

João A. (Xanuda)

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the-trth-untold · 6 years

Note

now its ur turn. do all of the sweetheart asks.

god jsjsjhdjk im just letting u kno these answers r gonna be BORING but hhhh THANK U

1. Talk about your first love.

i’ve never been in love, never been in a relationship before. BUT i can vaguely remember my first crush back in 2nd grade. all i can remember was that his name was kyle and he was the only boy who ever spoke to me and my brain just went !!!

2. What’s the most beautiful song you’ve ever heard in your opinion?

Break My Heart Again - FINNEAS or What Was Our Love All About - Adrian Milanio and Marylou Villegas

these are just two that i can think of there are A LOT of beautiful songs

3. How’s your heart feeling right now?

fine??

4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do?

i dont really do any self care things??

5. What’s your skincare routine?

i dont do any skincare routines either... ik im a monster

6. How did you get to be so beautiful?

u must be blind if u think that

7. Do you have any stuffed animals?

i used to have over 50 stuffed animals, i would always place them all over my bed neatly but i got rid of them now :(

8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?

Myrtle Beach, SC because it was my first vacation spot and i was so happy seeing two dolphins close to the shore

9. Favorite thing about your room?

the color of my walls and blankets lol mint green and peach colors

i dont have anything cool in my room

10. Opinion on love?

i mean, it’d be nice to experience it some day and i hope i do but right now im content being by myself

11. Are you affectionate?

if i know you very well i can be, if not im very awkward and will barely make any eye contact with you

12. Who do you look up to?

i look up to people who have struggled a lot in their life, people who can be optimistic in any situation

13. Favorite poet?

i dont read much poetry, but i loved reading some things Emily Dickinson has published

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?

honestly any disney song makes me happy! im a huge disney nerd and listening to any of those songs makes me feel nostalgic.

when im in a bad place, any slow, ballad sounding song can calm me down

15. Do you play an instrument?

i played the flute in middle school but dropped it after less than a week LOL

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?

i like doing digital art but im not good at it and i dont have adobe illustrator anymore so i haven’t done anything recently

17. Do you dance? What style of dance?

i cannot dance and no one will make me

IM TOO EMBARRASSED EVEN IF IM ALONE HAHAHA

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology?

im a libra

i somewhat believe in astrology, i know there’s more to it than just your sun sign and there are different placements that make you different from the stereotypical traits people use for each sign

a lot of the “things about each sign” can be used for anyone because the responses can be very vague and many people can relate to

19. Favorite old film?

too many

the shining, the breakfast club, carrie, pretty in pink, etcetcetc

20. What’s your hairstyle?

idk its a mess

curly/wavy and i have hardcut bangs

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?

fall weather, where its like 50 F (or 10 C for all u weirdos out there), cold enough to put on a flannel and boots

22. What upsets you most about the world?

i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them. (IM SORRY THIS WAS UR ANSWER DASHA BUT IM KEEPING IT ITS SO CUTE AND FUNNY AND I RELATE)

23. Are you in love right now?

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!

i dont have a crush lol

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them!

yes!!! i have two gorgeous puppies!!! if u wanna check them out u can follow my instagram i post them all the time @ the.moon.atomic

they’re such dorks but they fit my household idk how to describe it they just belong in my house hahha

26. Do you have a lucky number?

i dont really believe in lucky numbers

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash?

no, and i never heard about wishing on a fallen eyelash haha

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work?

no???????? i dont even know what that is

29. Do you believe in magic in general?

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?

when people finally stop hiding their true selves, show their real smiles, and laugh so hard they snort

idk i just love people, well, most anyway sjsjhzjdsk

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue?

love them

theyre such pure colors and they just remind me of newborn babies hahaha

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite?

piano definitely

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain?

yes! yes to both! i love rain more though, sorry wind

34. Who makes you happy?

my friends, family, and my mutuals

35. What makes you happy?

listening to music

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like?

ohh well i’d be living on germany for starters hahaha

id like to have my own house, maybe living with a best friend

definitely like 5784538902 cats and dogs, i love them

at some point id like to have a relationship LOL

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?

only on rare days ill put on makeup, i only use eyeshadow, liner, and mascara and ive never gone to a store thats just for make up, i just go to a pharmacy lol

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own?

only if i absolutely have to, the dress i wore for my senior pictures is my favorite

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it?

noo, ive never been in a relationship

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them?

i kinda really dont have one, not irl anyway

@neo-bangtan @mini-pretzel are my closest friends online, i love everything about u guys

41. Introvert or extrovert?

introvert

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI?

im isfj

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel?

uh idk?? i wouldnt want to be immortal so

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you?

acid jazz singer - the fratellis

45. Parlez-vous français?

no my french sucks

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to?

honestly i cant think of any place pennsylvania sucks ahhaha

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home?

home...... my bed...... LOL

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous!

only if im not looking at myself lol

49. Favorite shoe you own?

slip ons or my new balance

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them?

N O i am so accident prone i can barely walk barefoot without tripping

51. Do you feel loved?

kinda? sometimes?

52. How do you express love to those you care about?

just giving them a hug lol or saying i love you

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment?

no ones ever called me any but i like baby, im a simple girl

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you?

nothing?

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been?

meeting new people who share the same interests

56. Are you happy right now?

im pretty neutral atm

57. What makes you smile?

really awful jokes that ARENT EVEN FUNNY AND TALKING DASHA AND KARINA

58. Do you laugh a lot?

i guess??

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic?

soft vibes i guess haha

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)?

i dont see myself marrying but if i would it would definitely be for love

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married?

i dont really want to get married, most of the time it ends in divorce and theres just a lot of paper work and its a hassle i dont see a point in it

62. Favorite flower?

hydrangeas

63. Favorite artist?

edgar degas

64. Favorite music artist?

bts lol

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you?

i try to be kind to everyone, i dont know if others perceive me that way but i think kindness is very important to me

66. Ever made a playlist for someone?

once and i loved it, pls ask me to make a playlist for u

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath?

music and a soft blanket

68. Early bird or night owl?

early bird

69. Morning routine?

wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed. (AGAIN THIS IS UR ANSWER DASHA BUT IM KEEPING IT HHAHAHAHA)

70. Night routine?

shower and watch netflix until i fall asleep

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion?

being humble

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after?

yes yes and yes

im such a cry baby i will cry at everything if u yell at me or if disappoint u im so sensitive

73. Do you like hugs?

yes but i dont receive many hugs

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

never

75. Are you small or tall?

small, 5′4 or 164cm

76. Do you like wholesome memes?

who doesnt

77. Favorite thing about the past?

anything that makes me feel nostalgic

78. Do you ever wonder about the future?

yes

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in?

nooo

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports?

ive never been on a plane

81. Sunrises or sunsets?

sunsets

82. The beach or a forest?

beach

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood?

when im sleeping lol

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t?

i try to

85. Favorite kind of tree?

what kind of question is this i dont know anything about trees

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth?

i want to but i dont do anything for it

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything?

fieldtrips in school

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book?

i try to read more, my favorite book is more happy than not

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment?

disney, i just put my christmas tree down and the ornaments are disney characters

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have?

honesty i guess?

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance.

my eyes

92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about?

after i bathe

93. Do you worry a lot?

yes all the time

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?

dazzling lights of the city

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason?

96. Favorite pastry?

??????????? i dont know??????????

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness?

YEAH

98. How’s your day/night going?

fine so far, i dont have to work today so im just chillaxing

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studiobeebo · 6 years

Text

Summer Daze (Kirishima Eijirou x Fem! Reader)

OKAY i want to start off by saying im really, really sorry this took so long. my motivation has been horrible and i just really didn’t want to make something that was lackluster so i decided to wait until i was more motivated instead

BUT ANYWAYS, this is the scenario for the 1,000 followers giveaway first place winner @ri-leuters following the prompt:

okay so pronouns would be she/her and i'd love this done with our local ball of sunshine kirishima! so i guess they could go out together into a sunflower field or just a normal flower field for a date and just have an all around good time together! also this would be great with lots of kisses and cuddles bc i live for that shit. also last minute request (but you could totally let this slide if you want) but ive always found this endearing; so when they kiss could kirishima pull back for a sec and just freak out over how s/o has tasty lips (prolly bc of her lip balm) and then they just talk about it for a sec and then he starts kissing her more bc "i want to taste!" djkdjdwk forgive me

BUT YE!!! SORRY AGAIN IT TOOK SO LONG AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY RI!!

Summer had to be one of Kirishima’s favorite seasons, if not his absolute favorite. While most people could find reasons to hate that time of the year, be it the sometimes sweltering heat or influx of annoying gnats and mosquitos, he always found a way to look past all the negatives of summer. He lived for the nights where he could sit outside with friends and roast marshmallows or go to the beach to go swimming, and with all the different activities he loved to do during the summer, he was absolutely ecstatic that this year, he got to do all those things with you.

When he first realized he had hopelessly fallen for your passionate, bubbly charm and amazingly adorable looks, he knew it would take time to convince himself to finally confess. To him, you were just so perfect and he couldn’t bare to mess up his chances with a girl like you, so he bided his time and got to know you as much as he could, of course throwing in some awkward flirty comments or attempts to impress you along the way. It was in the spring that he decided to set a deadline for himself, saying that he absolutely wanted to ask you out before the end of the school year, and after spending a good week daydreaming about going on fun summer walks through the park or getting ice cream together, he finally gave in and confessed that he had a crush on you before asking if you would go out to the movies with him. You were absolutely over the moon, having had quite the crush on him as well, and from there your blooming relationship was almost cinematic considering how well it was going.

On top of how amazing things were going between the two of you, Kirishima was lucky to have asked you out before his ‘deadline’ so when the weather began to get warm the two of you were already comfortable enough with one another for him to start checking off his list of fun summer dates and the first thing he had been wanting to do was to go hiking with you. The trail he had looked up was actually pretty short, only about a mile, but it let off into an incredible field of wildflowers that were supposedly in full bloom at this time of the year. He wanted to keep that part a secret so it would be a nice surprise for you, but he was just so excited that he couldn’t help but blab about it the whole week before the two of you had decided to go. Despite your slight fears that it would be too grossly hot on the weekend to even enjoy the date your boyfriend had so happily set up, his excitement about it was infectious so you couldn’t help but be excited as well. Plus, when the weekend finally came around it was fun to pack up a little picnic for the two of you and it was awfully cute how concerned he was, double and then triple checking that your shoes were comfortable and that you brought enough water.

Once the two of you arrived to the base of the hill that the path led up to on that saturday morning, you were extremely grateful that the weather was just perfect since you’d be walking uphill for most of the way. The first part of your little hike wasn’t too bad, but you slowly began to get a bit worn out the further you walked and you were a bit jealous at how Kirishima was still perfectly fine while you felt like you could take a nap right there in the middle of the path to give your tired muscles a break. Once he noticed you were falling a bit behind, however, Kirishima was nice enough to slow down and walk by your side until you reached the top of the hill and thankfully, the view was absolutely worth the trouble of getting there.

It looked as if the field of bright green grass and variety of colorful flowers swaying in the comforting breeze spanned out for miles and you must have stood there with a bright, open mouthed smile on your face for a good five minutes just looking out over the expanse of beautiful greenery. You continued to gush about how incredible it was as you pulled out your phone to take a few pictures, hoping to save this memory for years to come, but once you were done the two of you finally decided to walk further into the sunny field to find a nice spot to relax.

It took a few minutes to get everything set up, but it was perfectly picturesque once you had laid out the blanket for both of you to rest on before pulling out all the different snacks and drinks you had brought along with you. The two of you sat happily chatting about whatever came to mind while munching on a variety of fruit and other treats and you must have thanked him a million times for bringing you here to which he just smiled and told you it was no big deal.

“No but seriously! It’s absolutely perfect, I thought it might be too warm but the sun feels amazing since it’s so breezy up here!” You cheered, stretching your arms up above your head before falling backwards to lay your head down onto his lap.

“Yeah it is pretty nice, I’m surprised you’re not cold for once.” He teased, picking at a few of the flowers that were spread out around your makeshift ‘bed’.

“Hey I’m not always cold, I just like wearing your sweaters, that’s all.” You quipped, reaching up to pinch his cheek only for him to wince a bit before sending a pout your way as he continued to work on tugging flowers from the ground.

“What are you doing, anyways?” You asked upon noticing he was fiddling around with the flowers he had collected, sitting up from your lying position on his lap to get a better look.

“Nothing..” He mumbled out, though his concentration was very clearly on his task at hand rather than on you. After a moment he blinked, seeming to have realized that he sort of just brushed you off a bit before tearing his eyes from his little project only to give you a soft smile. “I mean it’s something, but you have to give me a second...and don’t look!”

Your brows furrowed in confusion but you just laughed and shook your head, putting your hands over your eyes to show that you’d keep your eyes on your own business. After a moment you decided to drop your hands to focus on your phone instead, trying not to laugh at the way Kirishima flinched and covered up what was in his hands upon seeing your hands drop before relaxing once he realized you weren’t really watching him.

The two of you sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, you scrolling through some of your notifications and taking a few more pictures to post to your social media and him working on whatever it was he was doing, but eventually the silence between the two of you was broken as he let out an excited “Alright!” before turning back over to you.

“I saw one of these on Mina’s blog, but she didn’t really post instructions so..” He trailed off, holding out what you were guessing was meant to be a flower crown of sorts.

It was more of an..oval shape and the flowers seemed to be forcefully tied together in a misshapen manner. However, while he may have thought it wasn’t as ‘instagram worthy’ as Mina’s flower crowns (Which, you were pretty sure she bought anyways), you thought it was absolutely perfect.

“I think you don’t even need instructions, this look like a pro made it!” You exclaimed, loving the way his face lit up like a puppy being praised for being a good dog. Unfortunately, however, when you went to grab it to wear it, as you figured was his intention for you to do once he gave it to you, the little masterpiece fell to pieces right before you had the chance to lay it atop your head. You scrambled to try to save at least some of it, but your efforts went to waste and you were left with a little pile of flowers sitting in your lap as you looked up slowly with a sheepish smile worn on your face, praying you hadn’t upset him.

“Whoops..Sorry Eiji, I guess my hands are a lot stronger than I thought.” You chuckled before continuing. “But It was so pretty! I feel bad wrecking it like that, I should have taken a picture..”

“Hey that’s alright!” He spoke, sounding a lot happier than you thought he would be considering you just accidentally broke such a cute gift from him before he stood up and grabbed a few of the flowers from the pile that used to be the flower crown he had made for you. After picking up as many as he could, he walked behind you before crouching down and beginning to place a few different flowers throughout your hair. “See? Well, I guess you can’t see, but your hair still looks pretty now! I mean it always looks pretty, but you know what I mean.” He chuckled, moving back to be in front of you and crouching down to the same position to add some more flowers to the front of your hair.

After a moment he appeared..mostly happy with his work, but he was looking at you like an artist looking at one of their paintings that looked pretty good but just needed one last thing to bring it all together. You smiled and chuckled a bit when his face lit up with that ‘Oh, I got it!’ look before he reached over past your shared blanket and grabbed one more flower before moving to push some of your hair behind your ear and then tucking the flower there as well.

“There, that’s good, right?” He asked, adjusting the flower bit, but letting his hand stay near your jaw as his thumb gently ran over your cheek.

“It’s perfect.” You hummed, not even needing to look as you words were more generally aimed at this whole day in general as you leaned in to press your lips against his own. Even though the sun’s rays were plenty warm enough, there was still nothing that could compare to the warmth that bloomed in your chest every time you felt his hand gently cup your jaw and the gentle yet passionate way his lips would mesh with your own.

After a moment, your lips parted from his own and you were a bit surprised to see a look of happy confusion on his face as you pulled away from him a bit.

“..What?”

“You..Kind of taste like one of these flowers smells.”

“...What??” You chuckled out yet again, shaking your head in equal confusion.

“And a lemon! Like a flowery lemon!”

His additional description clicked in your head as you were suddenly reminded of the new lip balm you had bought a few days prior as you laughed out an answer, hardly able to contain yourself considering the adorable look on his face as you stuttered through your words.

“I-It’s my new lip balm! It’s lemon-lavender! Like it?”

“Yeah!” He beamed, “Can I taste again? It’s really sweet..” He continued, but you could tell by the light blush that fanned over his cheeks that the term of ‘tasting’ you was something he didn’t really mean to say aloud, but you didn’t mind either way. You had plenty of kisses to spare for him all the time, and after the amazing day he went through the trouble of planning out, he definitely deserved it.

“Of course.” You giggled, leaning in to peck his lips once more in a more sweet, appreciative way as a sort of thank you. “You can taste as much as you want.”

#mha #mha imagine #my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero academia #kirishima eijirou #kirishima eijirou x reader

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masterturner · 6 years

Text

long drawn out personal post

this is a bit stream of consciousness, so if you’re reading this and trying to make sense of it, im sorry. its okay if youd rather not. its a lot and its emotional labour to even read it probably. it’s been almost a year since the breakup now. every day closer to the anniversary of it, i feel a little more broken. i’ve had two suicide attempts since then, a prolonged IOP thing, and i no longer see a therapist (though i really should start again). im not crying about borderline personality disorder though. this is all breakup shit. still. im still holding together somehow. i dont really know how, some days. ive gone through the whole cycle of grieving multiple times now, cycling again and again through denial and bargaining and all that, ‘til i reach acceptance and think the hurricane is at its end. then i find i’m just in the eye of the storm, and it’ll soon pass as i get caught up in the winds again. then i do the whole cycle over and over again. thats what the therapists in the IOP said it was. a grieving process. you can grieve the terminus of a relationship the same way you grieve a dead person. it sounds so silly when i make that comparison. they also said that progress and healing are nonlinear and that it’s not really necessarily going to be as simple as passing through the grieving process a single time. i said it sounds silly. its not silly though. its real, and i have to remind myself of that from time to time. i dont usually talk about anything personal on here, and its a little weird that im doing it now. but i guess im doing it because i dont know where else to do it. i could do it on facebook, but it feels attention-grabby, needy in a way i always feel weird being. doing it here under a little ‘read more’ thing feels less obtrusive and private, but not so private that im completely trapped in my own skull again. i hate feeling trapped in my own skull. the anxiety bubbled up and got bad again pretty constantly. it got that way tonight. i felt my heart race while i tried to sleep. usually the worst points stemmed from me looking my ex up and seeing how their life was progressing along without me. unlike me, my ex has a drive and interest in the performance of social media that i generally lack. my social media experience begins and ends in shallow ways: i look at cute butts on tumblr, reblog dumb memes and get vague impressions of things going on in the world and such through the sometimes nonsensical things other people reblog. thats about it. my ex, though, shes the kind of person that does things like update her facebook profile picture at least once in a 6 month period, unlike yours truly. i dont even follow her or have her friended anymore on facebook. heaven forbid i had an instagram to see what kind of stuff was going on there. it always got the worst when i saw her with her new SO. now i get to look at that every time i get the nerve to message her. its literally painful to even look to the extent i have to archive or delete every stray line of text we send to one another afterward. i was seriously in denial - i talked myself into believing the SO wasnt an obstacle, wasnt a big deal, he was just a rebound and it didnt invalidate me. it didnt make me lesser, and it didnt mean that i was being replaced. after all, what stranger can replace 5 years of memories and experiences together? but i was a rebound too, and that led to a deep and intense relationship. why couldnt it this time too? i was naive, i think. hopeful and naive, and i really wanted to believe this and that. ‘i know her’ i’d tell myself. ‘i know her, and i know she wouldn’t think this’ or ‘she wouldn’t do this’. but it’s wishful thinking. maybe a part of me always did know better. maybe i stopped listening to that part of my own psyche because i started to recognize how harmful it was. it’s kind of messed up how that works though? like... you can be happy with someone, but also be terrified of that day when they realize they can do better. and then it becomes a sort of twisted, fucked-up self-fulfilling prophecy because that thought sucks the life and passion out of you. it’s insidious and slow. and it’s tempting to look at it like ‘i was right all along, everyone will leave me’, but that’s not really how it necessarily is. thats just the trauma talking, the fear, the part of my mind that’s lazy and resigned to suffering and collapse. it was that fear that made it real. maybe if i’d learned to manage that fear, though, things could have been different. would have been different. it’s pointless to speculate on that though. the reason i say it isnt to speculate though, it’s because im trying to remind myself that it can apply to right now. the friendships and relationships i have now - few and far between as they may be, stretched thin as they may be, damaged and in dire need of repair as they may be - aren’t doomed to failure just because i’m afraid of loss and abandonment. the collapse doesnt have to be inevitable. maybe talking like i’ve learned and figured something out from all this will make me feel better. maybe believing it all had a purpose will make it feel like it was worth it. eventually. right now, though, it doesnt. i’m still so upset. i’m still miserable and i still long for things i can’t have. i miss affection. i miss being touched, even in a plain and nonsexual way. i miss being kissed and i miss being hugged. i miss being wanted, and every day i wonder if ill ever feel that again. and then i get to thinking, would it be enough to feel that from just anyone again? why do i feel so starved for... any kind of affection at all? why do i feel so desperate for something - anything like this? could anyone ever love me the way my ex did? i guess the cynical and plain answer to that is no, but thats okay. and maybe someone else can love me better. and maybe that desperate longing to be loved, cherished, cared about, touched, anything is just a symptom of an addiction that’s yet to pass. kind of a cold and clinical way to put it though, and i dont know if thats really me. yet i dont want someone else because its not enough to just have anyone. my ex left me, and now i still have that feeling of being invalidated, devalued, abandoned, and ultimately replaced. even if someone else came along and professed undying love for me, no matter how i welcomed it, that feeling of being tossed aside would remain. and i dont know how to come back from it. i hate how much my mind... fixates on it. like... everything makes me think of it. i cant make a status on facebook without wondering if my ex will see it, what she might think. i cant leave my house and go somewhere without wondering, what if my ex sees me? what would she think of what im doing? would she approve, or be proud of me? would it impress her? or would it disappoint her? it saps the joy out of almost everything i do. i cant watch an old show without feeling bad im watching it without her. i cant help but wonder if she feels the same, or if shes gotten over it. and a part of me doesnt want to know the answer to that wonder. does she still listen to mili? coheed? does she listen to ‘old flames’ on repeat like i do? when ‘sweater weather’ comes on, does she think of me or someone else? even now as i write this, i wonder if my ex still stops to peer at my dumb blog from time to time for a hint of how im doing and what im thinking. and i dont even know if id want to know, because seeing this message in that light casts a pall over it that makes me feel sick. i didnt want my ex to see how not okay i am. i didnt want her to see the part of me that feels so sick still. and i dont want to know that she doesn’t look at this either. so here i am at an impasse, writing words and tossing them into the void of the internet, hoping for and expecting only silence, while also hating and fearing the very same. id like to think that maybe this is a sign i dont care anymore, but i think i know better than to really believe that. i force myself every day to just... not reach out. not say anything to her thats real or vulnerable - the few times ive talked to her it feels forced and fake. and it feels like ive cut off a limb, because im so used to leaning and relying on her. but i feel like i have to, because expecting that level of emotional labour from someone that has cut those ties with me seems silly and foolish... not to mention selfish. why? maybe a part of me thinks that by hiding it, i’d win her back someday. or maybe im just afraid of being burdensome and difficult. or maybe i just... genuinely do want her to be happy without me. i wish it was that last one. i wish i could just back off and be happy that shes with someone else that maybe will treat her good in a way that i couldnt, or didnt. i dont know what i want, though. i know what i dont want though. i know i hate feeling like this and i wish i could make it stop, but i cant. its not really getting easier. i had the borderline shit before this, and i could end up meeting the criteria my whole life for all i know. the breakup is just a massive complication in that whole mess, but i dont know if id even know what was wrong with me if i didnt have that relationship in the first place. there was a day a few days ago, or maybe a week or two ago (i dont remember) where i wanted to hurt myself (not physically though for whatever reason), and in order to do it, i made myself do something i was starting to break the habit of doing. i browsed her facebook profile and scoured it for anything that’d make it sting again. i succeeded - it didnt take much. a few pictures, a relationship status change, that was pretty much it. my mind filled in the blanks after that because of course it did. it snowballed into full blown catastrophizing. they’re probably madly in love. they’re probably moving in together, if they havent’ already done so. they’re probably making plans to get married. they’re probably this and that and this and that - like it matters. like it affects me somehow. but it doesnt. not really, not physically anyway. i dont have to look, and its like i hope not looking will make it hurt less. but not looking makes me hope, and hope has bred more hurt than anything else in the past year. since i last looked her up in that fog of need to hurt myself emotionally, a lot of that dreadful hope i had that i could win her back drained away, and i want to believe that the pain will go away now. i havent talked to her since then. i still think about her. i still dream. i still fear and i still wonder and reflect. but i havent talked to her. is that good? is it bad? is it anything other than what it is? does it matter? maybe someday ill be over this. a part of me yearns for that. and a part of me is afraid to ever let go, because what if love wins in the end and all the time we had together meant something after all? did it not mean anything if it didnt end up taking the shape i wanted it to take? no, it still meant something, but does that matter now? i dont know. all i know is that to this day it hurts and... that’s all. thats all i know. eleven months later and it still hurts. but i guess expecting it to be all better after 5 years of dating is a little unrealistic. i thought we were gonna be together forever. forever is a long time, though, i guess. she makes it look easy, but maybe it isnt for her either, even if she’s better at making it look a certain way. i have no way of knowing and thats maddening in its own way. if i had the ability to close that distance... hear her out, be there for her, could i do it? could i get over my own fear and hurt to build a connection again? id love to find out. but i cant seem to get that far. it doesnt matter though. its her life, and she has every right to move on without me. its easy to say ‘poor me’, but theres two sides to every story. a lot of pain that led up to the end. questions i still have that will never go answered, and closure i might not ever obtain. ctrl+a, delete, backspace. that’s all it’ll take, tyler. then maybe you can sleep. but no, instead you’re going to post this. for what? why? is it a cry for help? complaining for the sake of complaining? i dont know. i cant leave it all in my own head though. but the silence that i get back in response is liable to be deafening all the same

#do not reblog this

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