#sorry this is so incoherent i'm just... this gives me a lot of thoughts and feelings and in general i'm just not happy.

[respectthepetty]

Okay, your posts about When it Rains it Pours finally made me start watching today (actually mainly because I just couldn't figure out who all the characters were and I was very confused but wanted to understand). I've finished ep 2 but I have some questions.

First, what's up with two of them being called Kazuaki? I'm sure I've missed something. At first, I was confused because when Hagiwara went to get his new pass card I thought Nakarai would recognise his name from the emails...but he didn't. And then in ep 2 Nakarai stared at Hagiwara's pass card and Hagiwara covered it up... Have I missed something significant around the names?

And second, I know you've written a lot about the 'background noise' of the series so far, but I noticed a water drop sound in ep 1 at a particular moment, and then two water drops sounds at another particular moment in ep 2, both during conversations with Nakarai and Fujisawa - is this a thing? (I guess I mean beyond the symbolism of the rain in general) -> That the water drops signify something changing in the their relationship? (Their conflict/separation increasing?) Do those waterdrops reoccur in later eps and increase each time? (Because I hope they do). -> I'm presuming here that you're watching with the sound on unlike the Thai dramas which I know you watch on mute.

Sorry if this is incoherent but it's late o'clock and I want to understand every opinion and thought you have on this show. I think I might be as obsessed by your thoughts on the show as you are about the show.

DADDY! You can't ask questions like this because it means I'm going to have to give some kind of spoilers, but they won't ruin the show for you, I promise:

What's up with two of them being called Kazuaki?

This is Fujisawa Kazuaki. He is Sei's roommate/boyfriend(?), and Sei is in love with him, hence why Sei's email IS Fujisawa's name (and birthday - 09/27).

This pretty and attractive man is Hagiwara Kazuaki. He is my bias because he has done nothing wrong except feel his feelings, and he is Sei's coworker who is also experiencing frustrations in his relationship.

Since Hagiwara and Sei work together, when Hagiwara went to go get new business cards, Sei noticed Hagiwara's pass HOLDER. Sei didn't pay attention to the card itself. He was looking at the holder because Fujisawa designed it since Fujisawa is a designer of workplace and home items. Sei cares about the pass because it's a connection to the man he is in love with — Fujisawa.

The show tells us Sei wasn't paying attention to the names because Hagiwara actually had to return since his name was misspelled on the cards, which he states is a common issue.

I don't know a lot about Japanese, but 1) neither Hagiwara nor Fujisawa is going by "Kazuaki" IN JAPANESE, and 2) neither name is being written out the same IN JAPANESE, so Sei wouldn't know that Hagiwara Kazuaki is a "Kazuaki" since the name is never really spoken or written.

On Hagiwara's mispelled business cards, "Kazuaki" is romanized, but in Japanese, his name is "顕"

When we see Fujisawa's name, it's "和章"

They are the same romanized, but not in Japanese. Make sense?

Do the water drops signify something changing in the their relationship?

Unlike Hagiwara who can hear the rain in his apartment, Sei never hears the rain in his apartment. He also has never gotten any affection from Fujisawa, so think about when you heard the drops?

The first time occurs when Fujisawa tells Sei that Sei isn't a parasite. One drop of affection.

The second drop happens when Fujisawa says he likes Sei just the way he is. Another drop of affection.

Now the series is called When It Rains, It Pours. This meaning will come up in the fifth episode, but normally that saying means that when one bad event happens, a lot of bad events tend to follow.

However, considering what rain means to these two (lack of intimacy and affection), the show's title is layered in meaning.

So if these men are allowed just one drop of affection, love will pour out of them. The floodgates will open.

And you assumed correctly that I'm watching this show unmuted AND at regular speed, so the obsession is strong.

[lizbethborden]

Here's something I'm thinking about re: what happened with Natalie. Full disclosure that I have not really caught up; at this point I'm too upset. But something that I struggle with as the daughter of an addict from a family of addicts, as someone who has struggled with mental illness and suicidal ideation and knows many other people who have done the same, is the sense that Natalie's death was foreshadowed, inevitable; that this, ultimately, was her "purpose." Given that she talks about having had a "purpose" in the wilderness, first as hunter and protector, then as recognized leader and #AntlerQueen, she pins her struggle in the adult, civilized world on her purposelessness--what use is she? Why is she even there? Why is she alive? Every severely depressed, mentally ill, and/or addicted person knows this exact feeling. For Natalie, it is emphasized and contextualized by her chaotic, deeply codependent relationship with Travis, her despair and frantic wheeling-about after losing him, her eventual suicide attempt in which Lottie's cultists intervene. Of course, the writers of the show don't allow her to die in this scene; they preserve her for another season or so to die for a "better reason," to achieve a "purpose."

The problem with taking this tack--preventing a senseless suicide, giving her a "meaningful" death in the end--is that the final message becomes: the purpose and the goal for people struggling with addiction and mental illness--specifically for a woman who crystallizes many of the circumstances that occur most often with these profound struggles, that is, the daughter of an abusive home, victim from a very young age of misogynist sexualization, exposed to and unwilling participant in scenes of deeply affecting violence including her own father's death--the purpose, the goal, is her death. There is no other purpose, there is no other future for Natalie, except to die. I do not think this was a conscious message planted by anyone; but I do think it results from a failure of imagination, the inability to concretely realize a future for a person struggling with those issues that have plagued Natalie since childhood. Abused, manipulated, lonely, addicted girls live to die.

I feel that the show's emphasis--and frankly, the fandom's as well--on the arrested development of the women contributes to this. Natalie is not a little girl in the show. She is a grown woman played by Juliette Lewis, who is 50 years old, and she makes a grown woman's choices. The inability to imagine Natalie as an adult human being and the fetishization (manic-pixie-dream-antler-queen-ization?) of young Natalie derive, yes, from what I think are just wrong opinions (sorry!) but also from an inability to imagine her worldview and mindset beyond that of an 18-year-old girl. It is a condescending approach to say of an addicted person that they're just mentally a child and can't cope or understand like the rest of the grown-ups. This message is applied to the other YJs in various ways, but strikes a particularly hostile note when applied to Natalie. In the minds of the writers and the fandom, it seems, her aging was a mistake, her growing into adulthood was a mistake; her addiction, her mental illness, and her suicidality are all proofs of such, proofs that she has never been more than that terrified girl with the gun aimed at her father, and in order to keep her that way--to excise adult Natalie from the story, to keep Natalie, in-narrative, on-screen, forever, as the abused, manipulated, lonely, addicted little girl--she has been killed. But it's okay. That was always her purpose, right?

[peppermintmochafem]

.

[sungiescheotluv]

can i call you tonight? ⭑.ᐟ park jisung

pairing: park jisung x gender neutral reader

word count: 1.5k

tags/warnings: fluff, friends to lovers, hidden feelings, incoherent writing of me being soft of jisung 🥹

summary: they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. in your case, your night-time calls with your long-time friend, jisung, reveal a lot more than the darkness of the sky.

notes: wow, wow, another post! wasn't expecting to post so soon, but i was writing for another project i'm working on and saw this post and said what the heck, let's give this a go! ☝🏾🤓again, this may be incoherent because i don't proofread this until later on (sorry for any errors) and because my feelings are a bit all over the place lmao. anyways, hope you enjoy and hope to see you soon! much luv <3

A lethargic film coats your eyes, the familiar sting of exhaustion winding your eyes shut. You should go to sleep. Quit this charade and call it a night. And yet, in the darkness of your bedroom, you pat against the soft expanse of your sheets, feeling around for a phone so bright you squint when brought to eye level.

No new notifications.

You huff into your pillow, definitely not pouting. Your long-time friend, Jisung, is away, chasing his dreams with his closest friends, NCT Dream, who are currently on tour. A busy year filled to the brim with schedules make it hard to keep in touch, much less meetup, but Jisung makes the effort. Whether it's at the crack of dawn or late into night, you can always rely on a call from him, explaining his day's events and asking about yours. You work odd hours, sleep odd hours too, so in a way, despite the distance between you, things still work like they had all those years ago.

From what he last texted you, he’d be able to call you in three hours - after the concert. It's a battery in your back, lighting up from a long day at work. It’d be late for you, but it didn’t matter. You wanted to hear from him -  his muffled chuckles at your lame jokes, his endless interest in what you were up to (even if it was never as interesting) and have his deep voice lull you to sleep. It was like he was right there with you, shrouded in the lowlights of your room, holding you close and never letting go. Not oceans away, not out of your grasp and out of your mind.

Just as you’d given up on his call, your phone buzzes against your pillow, the lowtone reserved for Jisung. With a tired groan, you press Accept.

“Did I wake you?”

It’s amazing what years spent together did to you two, no need for words to convey any and all thoughts. Well, some of them anyways.

“No, I was just dozing off,” you mumble. “How was the concert?”

“Good. The energy was threw the roof, the guys and I really enjoyed ourselves,” Jisung falls into his routine, back supported by a heaped blanket with his phone against his chest. “How was your day?”

“Same old, same old,” you huff. “Any interesting signs?”

“None if you don’t tell how your day went,” he argues, and you roll your eyes.

Classical Jisung. Always attentive, always seeing right through you.

You relay your day to him, pinpointing how gorgeous the sky looked on your way back and how he would’ve loved the view.

“The picture I sent you doesn’t do it justice,” you explain.

“Getting to see it through your eyes is good enough.”

You cough, momentarily caught off guard by how much that made your heart flutter. “Anyways, the signs. We were talking about signs.”

Jisung lags a bit, an unconvinced hum coming through before he speaks. “Not any I haven’t told you about,” he hums, the drum of his fingers thumping through your phone speaker. “There was one that asked me to put my ring on their finger.”

“If you gave away that wrapped nail ring, I swear-”

“I didn’t even give it to them, I just took it off my finger and had it in the air,” he chuckles, stirring something warm in your chest. “What are you talking about?”

A wave of sheepishness washes over you, face buried into your pillow as you mumble. “It’s just…a nice ring, is all.”

“You think so? I would’ve thought you’d prefer the Chrome Hearts one.”

“It’s nice, but the nail one's better”

“Oh, I see,” he teases, all-knowing and you hope he’s none the wiser. Hiding things from each other is not your norm, but when they involved feelings that could fundamentally change the fabric of your relationship, you tried to embrace change. Maybe some hope too. That maybe he wasn’t calling you at late hours because you were available, but because he wanted to be with you as much as you did. “That’ll be the first place I visit when I get back.”

“What place?’

“The jewelry store where I got the ring,” he explains, dull fingernails tapping against the surface of his phone. It’s one of the things he does when he doesn’t know what to do with his hands, a habit you’re sure he’s totally unaware of. Regardless, it soothes the elevation in your heart rate, tingles running down your back like hot water. “Well, first stop is your place, then the store.”

“Matching rings is a bit..”

“What?” he asks, in that low tone that makes you putty in his large hands. “We’ve got matching shoes, hoodies that I had to restock because you keep stealing mine and matching necklaces. I don’t think rings are much of a stretch.”

You couldn’t argue there. Especially since you curled up in your bed in your latest steal - a simple black hoodie that is oversized and still smelt like him. You couldn’t bring yourself to acknowledge how the faint scent of citrus, jasmine and him didn’t force you to count sheep. You also couldn’t bring yourself to admit the eruption of goosebumps over your skin when Jisung clasped the necklace on you, his fingers grazing your exposed skin in the process. It took everything in you not for your knees to give out right then and there.

“You’re only convincing me because I’m half asleep.”

“I see how it is. I’ll take it anyways,” he hums, a closed mouth giggle vibrating off his chest. It’s oddly intimate, being so close yet far away from him. “I wish you were here.”

Something ceases in your chest. Your heart? Your lungs? You’re unsure, but whatever it is has your eyes shooting open, a vague thump of your heart echoing through your weightless limbs. Usually, you’d be able to tread this line carefully, a tight-rope you’ve perfected to a science, but something about the darkness, the late hour makes you more vulnerable. More forthcoming.

You don’t deflect in a joke, or find some way to turn this back on him. You simply answer back. “Me too,”

You hesitate. “I missed hearing your voice.”

“Wow, I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me in the last five years.”

“I’m hanging up now.”

“No, no - don’t go,” he chuckles, but there’s something in his voice that’s pleading. That makes you stay. “I guess, I just…that was sweet of you. Thank you.”

You turn your head, as if scorched by his loaded gaze. “Don’t mention it.”

A quietness falls between the two of you, one that doesn’t call upon ideal conversation but allows you to gather your cloud-like thoughts, to drift further into your dreamstate where in one reality, you’re able to confess your feelings and get your happy ending.

“If I fall asleep, just hang up,” you mumble, like the words escape you. “No need for an earful of my snoring.”

“It’s not that bad,” Jisung argues, and if you could, you’d roll your eyes. “It’s like white noise.”

“Are you seriously comparing my snores to white noise right now?”

“It helps me sleep, so I’d say so,” and then silence. Almost a deafening one, as if he’d realised the weight of his words and wasn’t sure what to say next. You gulped. “You know,”

“What?”

“You’re the only one I’ll talk to this late, right?’

You shift, suddenly hyperaware of every sensation inside and outside your body. “No.”

He hums, as if to say Huh. “I thought I was a bit more…obvious about things.”

That has your attention, your hand clawing just beside your lit-up phone. “Obvious about what?’

Silence again. And in all the years of your friendship - days spent indulging in sugary ice cream on sunny days playing hopscotch, running through your high school hallways to get lunch first, the prideful smile he had on your university graduation day - no silence has felt this way. Something other than comfortable, like the moment you teetered on the edge of your seat and held your breath for.

“You’re really gonna make me say it?’

And there he is, so sweet and bashful. Probably hiding his beautiful face behind his pretty hands, a downturned smile and flush against his soft skin. Oh, what you’d do to kiss the beauty mark against his cheek.

“Considering I don’t know what it is, then yes. I am.”

You have an inkling, because you’ve spent the better part of your life with him, but you’re not one for assumptions. You’d rather hear it from him.

“When I come back,” he starts, cautious yet earnest. “I’d like to take you on a…real date.”

“Platonically or?’

“There’s nothing platonic about the way I feel about you,” and you can hear it, the smile in his voice. And now, you’re the bashful one, again burying your face against bundled feathers as your cheeks burn like the sun. “What do you say?”

“That I’m glad I didn’t miss your call,” you chuckle, the leaps your heart fluttering against your chest that tickled with delight. “Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes,” you smile. “Hurry back soon.”

“I’ll be home before you know it.”

And before you know it, he's at your door, smile sheepish and ring in hand. His hands tremor ever so slightly and it melts your heart, your hands folding over his as you lead him inside, a new chapter of your lives together unfolding.

[yuikira]

𓈒࣪ The "you" shaped spot ₊✧

warnings: pure fluff, one implication of having sex, bits of crying, hurt/comfort, ooc kinich, very self indulgent, i apologize for mistakes.

GOD THE ANGUISH I FEEL SINCE THERE HAVE BEEN NO GOOD KINICH FICS RECENTLY

m so sorry mualani i love you but i hate you coz you're so shipped w kinich it makes me cry in anguish burn in despair and writhe in pain..coz hes mine. not yours. never yours (guys am i mentally ill)

"y/n?"

well, this was strange. if he still remembers how to read the time correctly, it's 3:30 pm and you should be at home today. yet he couldn't hear a single sound from the shared household, implying you were, infact, not at home. huh? that was wholly strange. you both had no urgent tasks for today, so where were you gone? your date was in 1½ hrs time, so he didn't have a tinge of worry about it. he knew you'd return by that time, even if you were gone somewhere. but where did you go anyway? to the balcony? xilonen's workshop? ororon's fields? mavuika's chambers? ifa's vet?

it was almost 5:30 by the time his patience finally ran out. you were nowhere to be seen, noone knew your whereabouts, your departure time was unconfirmed, and you didn't even tell him about it. he tried to distract away the thoughts that eerily haunted his mind, 'what if she's in danger? kidnapped? or perhaps, dead?'

he'd get nothing out of overthinking. finally, it all clicked to him where you could perhaps be found.

shit, and was his intuition right. he could hear the sounds of violent sobs drifting off in the sea breeze, some sniffles and pieces of incoherent speech here and there. they were yours.

"y/n? y/n!"

he gently held your shoulders and tried to pry off your palms from your face. is it too late? at last as he finally managed to do so, he saw your tinged red eyes, indicating you've been crying for a lot of time.

"what happened to you? babe? are you okay? please tell me- what happened to you? please, please please-"

"im fine, ichi, its alright"

"you dont look alright at all. what happened to you? who did this to you? this sadness?"

"oh it's just..um..this is embarassing.."

"no tell me, please baby, tell me. if you don't tell me and start crying again, i might just start crying too. please tell me"

"um.. it's...basically, these past few days I've felt like... you're.. avoiding me. like...everytime i try to approach you, you just- you just..shut me down. push me away. it maybe because I'm not living upto your expectations, but these past few days I've been feeling like you spend time with mualani more than me. it hurts so bad when my inner thoughts whisper to me, haunting me by saying stuff like you're giving the same lovesick smile to her as you do to me, and falling for her and- mfhm?!"

oh by gods, the way kinich just tenderly held you yet kissed constrastingly different, almost making you feel dizzy and lightheaded. you knew you weren't in the right state of mind after crying and struggling with your thoughts for so long, and his intoxicating kiss didn't help the matter at all.

at last when he finally pulls his lips away from yours, a tinge of bemused smile rests on his slightly chapped lips. him? in love with mualani? he'd rather give away his body to ajaw and keep himself locked in a small piece of memory inside your heart, so that as long as your heart beats, you both never get seperated. that was the best deal for him.

"look, im sorry I didn't tell you earlier and I'm sorry if I don't live upto your expectations and or are falling for mualani, its completely alright and-"

"Are you insane?"

"huh?"

"You are the words etched into my heart. You are the blood in my veins. You are the god I was born to worship. Who am I to commit such blasphemy?"

"i-ichi-?"

"You are the knowledge I seek. The love I pray for. The reason of my existence. And you still think I'd leave you?"

"wait no ichi i-"

"The symphony of my beating heart belongs to you. Only you. For long as I'm alive, its bound to beat for you. I love you, y/n. I love you so much."

Teardrops began to fall from your eyes again as he finished speaking. He'd never, ever been good with words, reflecting his love and care with his actions instead. Although he's trying to be more and more vocal for you, you'd never expected this from him.

That was the moment you realized, his heart was 'you' shaped, with every single bit of his sanity dedicated to you.

"And no, I.. I'm so sorry if i made you feel as if I'm avoiding you. I'm infact not. It's just the fact that.. I'd been trying to plan a surprise for you for our 4th anniversary, but..looks like I wasn't so slick with it. I'm sorry"

"No, no, it's fine, it's fine. I misunderstood, no need to apologise" you shook your head while holding one of his hands, the other wiping your tears off as he gently places a soft kiss on your forehead.

"It's partially my fault, for making you feel this way. Let's go home, yeah? I'll try to make it up to you. Brownies and making love later?"

You smiled. "I love you so much, it's hard to put into words like you did"

"I love you more. You're forever my girl"

[facefullofsadness]

I NEED NINGNING SO BAD OMG IM SO GLAD I FOUND YOUUUU PLS TELL US MORE ABOUT YOUR THOUGHTS ABT HER

I'm in such a ningie mood lately and can't help but to write this LOL

content - me going absolutely batshit insane talking about ning yizhuo, smut (switch!ning, cunnilingus, fingering, sex toy mentions, not a lot of actual smut just headcanons), not proofread in the slightest D;

wc - 1k

a/n - like I was literally just thinking ab ning2 when I saw this ask, I also have her pc out next to me rn so ningie close ur eyes baby don't watch me as I write this 🫶 also tysm anon for finding me hehe

like ningning is so fucking fine.

idk what god mixed together in his lil cauldron to cook up ning yizhuo, but she's actually so fucking RAAHHH. sorry this is gonna be so incoherent bc I'm just ningyi drunk as fuck right now.

I imagine a fluffy besties kinda relationship w her. like it's all giggly and flirty and you make each other's heart race with touches and words, but also love to be cute and cuddle, gift giving (more on her part bc she loves to buy things that remind her of you), domestic shit like groceries or cooking together. and also you loveeee talking shit! in an idol!au world, in a school!au world, in any type of world where you two meet and fall in love, you're best friends that talk shit before anything.

I mean u don't necessarily have to do that specifically, but I just feel like above all and at your relationship's core, you're best friends that are clingy and inseparable. so you just make the perfect pair when you finally become gfs. bb girl loves to say she's not a scorpio but I think that the oct born blood within her is in full effect in bed. I'm telling yall, autumn/fall born besties are horny mfs (I can confirm).

like already being physically affectionate with you prior to even dating, she would move quick with pushing it further. your first kiss even evolved into a very heated makeout sess straight away, hands gripping skin under shirts or running through each other's hair, legs intertwined, spit dripping down chins because both of you refused to pull away for air (need!). and like it only but amplified from that point on.

I feel like the first time happens unintentionally. probably a drunk game of truth or dare that gets touchy and suddenly ning ends up slurping the cum flowing out between your legs, moaning against your pussy and grinding her cunt against your leg as you sit back against the couch, your hand in her hair pulling her in further. chanting her name raspily as you grind your hips into her mouth, her tongue feeling so incredibly good in your leaking hole. you yell out her name as you interlace one of your hands with hers, her thumb rubbing against the skin of your wrist as you cum all in her mouth.

she shudders at the same time you do, cumming in her panties from grinding against your leg, unable to stop herself from getting turned on eating you out. and you fucking love watching as her eyes roll back with her mouth on your pussy, feeling the heavy vibrations from her screaming into your cunt.

of course returning the favor for your gf, pinning her down under you and fingering her tight puffy pussy as she squirms. you LOVE fingering her despite being obsessed with the taste of her cum, because you couldn't get enough of how her face contorted with every thrust of your fingers in her cunt. the way her mouth would fall open, the way her eyes rolled back, the way she would tilt her head backwards and expose her sweaty neck, the way she would reach out for anything to dig her nails into (sheets, blankets, your clothes, or your skin!), the way her moans sounded sooooo fuckinggg heavenlyyyy. I mean have you heard this woman sing? the melodious sound of her voice chanting whines and whimpers of your name, knowing she'd sound like this for you and you only. to add on, she's fucking loud, so just the sheer volume of her moaning for you riled you on so much.

she's a squirter me thinks. she's a creamer in my stripper fic but that's only because I wanted her to make reader squirt oop- maybe you both are! I mean I think we can all agree that she's a master pussy eater right? I can only imagine how good she fucking feels with her skillful tongue and mouth. she knows exactly what she's doing even if she's had no experience, yizhuo just seems like the type to be insanely good at eating girlies out. every time I see her, I either so badly wanna get eaten out by her or eat her out. I just know she's so reactive and sensitive but is obsessed with cumming over and over again, overstimulation and all.

the prettiest girl to ever exist. so pretty between your thighs, so pretty around your fingers, so pretty taking your tongue, so pretty on top of you, so pretty under you, such pretty moans to slip from her mouth, such pretty expressions when she feels your touch. IM GOING INSANEEEEE!!! vvv switch coded! I know she gives extremely pillow princess energy, but she's so utterly in love and obsessed with you that she wouldn't dare let you go without an orgasm because you deserve it! either extremely service top or power bottom.

loves to play around with toys, but ultimately opts sticking to mouth and fingers because she loves feeling all of you always. though it's not surprising in the least that she has a wide sex toy collection; vibrators, dildos, strap-ons, cuffs/rope/bindings, blindfolds, floggers, gags, clamps, collars, you name it, she probably has at least one. is down to experiment with almost anything and is very adventurous, she just wants to have a good time with you!

ning is just a really passionate lover overall. because even after hours of fucking and cumming everywhere, she always makes sure you're okay :(( kissing you gently on the neck where her face is buried after a long session, rubbing your skin where there might be red marks or scratches or what have you, whispering sweet nothings into your ear, offering to get you a drink or run a warm shower/bath for you both. she makes you feel loved and that's the most important part (aside from the mind-blowing continuous climaxes she just gave you).

a/n - NING YIZHUO PLEASEEEE ONE CHANCE OH MY FUCKING GOD I REALLY HOPE YOU LIKE WOMEN AND ARE A PUSSY EATER-

[localplaguenurse]

I am so in fucking love with the stairway to heaven animation and the only ways I can express that is to either say I am bricked the FUCK up, or I give in to the uber instincts of my uber autism and write an essay on what I THINK are some of the references/inspirations used in the animation. I chose the essay because I need people to know why I am "bricked up."

I am fully willing to accept if I am wrong/reaching for some of these but even then, I think it's cool that I can still connect certain moments with things I enjoy. With that out of the way, behold my analysis/breakdown of Stairway to Heaven!

Spoilers below the cut not just for the animation, but also minor spoilers for Kane Pixel's backrooms series, Liminal Land, Skinamarink, and Mandela Catalogue. Also just a warning for the incoherent ramblings of a guy who's abnormal about analog/indie horror. Please please please please PLEASE go watch the animation if you haven't.

First, "subject 087" is in reference to SCP-087, the never ending staircase SCP. I actually didn't even catch that the first time until I scrolled down to the comments lmao. In my defense, when SCP was blowing up in the mid 2010s I wasn't really old enough to appreciate it or find the format interesting (and honestly it is still hard for me to really get into it, but that's more of a me thing. Conceptually a clinical approach to horror like with SCPs or in All Tomorrows is fascinating, but it can be a bit of a slog for me), so I only knew the main three's numbers. (173, 096, and 682).

"Motion detected" has been used in just about every analog horror series now, but Mandela Catalogue is probably the main series that popularized the trope when analog horror first started getting popular.

The backrooms is, obviously, the backrooms. You can probably assume it's Kane Pixels' backrooms because his version really blew up but it feels more like early days backrooms before we got all those monsters and almond water stuff. (Which btw it's so funny we got "almond water" from whoever the first person to say the air smells like almonds was. For reference, almonds smell like cyanide. OP was trying to say the air smells toxic, not that almonds are the safest thing to consume in the backrooms.)

This shot just reminded me of The Oldest View, ALSO from Kane Pixels. Tbh that's probably just me but I thought it was neat.

Next up, the door. Aside from the obvious 333 angel numbers which also appear very prominently in Mandela Catalogue (this series is going to pop up a lot, I'm sorry), but for some reason it reminded me of the Silent Hill 4 door. Again, that's just the tism probably.

Skinamarink ahh shot, was honestly expecting the door to just poof, disappear.

Next, the shot with all the houses. While KP's Backrooms do have that creepy neighbourhood, this exact shot and set up feels closer to H.O.M.E. from Liminal Land.

And then our most darling biblically accurate horror icon Columbina would make False Gabriel proud, and just... she is so fucking cool and creepy in this and I love her so much.

This whole sequence was for one absolutely horrifying and beautiful, but what caught MY attention were the settings and locations shown. These are standard creepy liminal spaces and analog horror gore censorship, yes, but they also reminded me of the locations Trevor Henderson uses in his art pieces, so suffice to say I think Columbina looks RIGHT AT HOME regardless of how you wanna look at these shots. And the animation on her face opening up into wings and eyes is just an absolute chef's kiss moment. Props to the animators, man.

This trope, the whole main character monologue overlaying the screen moment, very common in analog horror but for me, again popularized by its use in the Mandela Catalogue.

The smudged picture is a reference to one of the ending shots in Skinamarink, where it pans over the childhood photos only for their heads and faces to now be missing, which most agree is the movie's way of saying these kids were trapped her for so long they eventually just stopped existing/faded into nothingness.

And finally, the classic ending scene of KP's first Backrooms video.

I know for a fact there are probably other references to liminal spaces/analog horror that I either missed or they're like general concepts/tropes used in analog horror. I did almost mention the mill in petscop because of Columbina's "two in the mill, one taken, one left" because that phrasing felt really specific, but it doesn't quite fit the vibes of all the other references. Also her only being seen in the camera is a trope used in all manner of horror media. My first thought was the forest scene in VHS (2012) where the murderer could only be seen in the film static.

I just wanted to get the especially cool/unique moments out there. I didn't even touch on the storyline but that's because it seems pretty straightforward. I'm also aware not many people are gonna read my red string corkboard ramblings, which I'm fine with. I just needed to get this out of my system, but I do appreciate those who did take the time to indulge my ramblings!

That's all for now, back to whatever the hell I had planned for today.

[lexdelioncourt]

So I'm sure I'm not the first person to think these things and I'm sorry if it's been talked about a million times already and I've just missed it. But I have a lot of thoughts, many of which are probably unhinged and I need to let them out. This is probably pretty half-baked but whatever I'm way too deep in the Devil's Minion trenches.

SO ANYWAY..

So after Louis burns in SF and Armand has finally put him in his coffin, Armand gives that last little speech before he says he's gonna leave him to himself. Then he tells Louis to “rest” and closes the coffin. Louis then comes out pretty soon after to stop Armand killing Daniel. But are we supposed to believe that Louis, who appears to barely have the strength to walk across the room and sit down properly, had the strength to both break out of Armand’s “rest” (which no one ever seems to do until he lets them) AND push the lid off his coffin and climb out of it?

THEN we don't actually hear Louis tell Daniel the whole speech he ends up putting in his book, right? We see them talking but we don't hear what they say. When Daniel says he's “a bright young reporter with a point of view” he says that to Armand, really quietly, when he's all up in his face. He doesn't say it in front of Louis. Also, when Daniel reads the passage from his book that mentions that line, language-wise, it doesn't really sound like something 70s Louis would say. It also doesn't sound like something you'd say to a random guy you met in a bar 10 hours ago. In fact, the language and tone sounds more like something Armand would say and it even has some echoes of Armand's “easeful death” monologue that we just heard. The passage also has the whole “these are the words you'll hear in your mind” part and who's words is Daniel always hearing in his mind in the DM chapter, even before he's a vampire? Armand's.

To ME that passage from Daniel’s book reads more like something someone would say in a very loving way to someone they know really well, but who they reluctantly want to let go so they can be free. It's got a sense of melancholy to it. What if Daniel DID conflate two events but they just weren't the two events he thought he conflated? What if that passage is something Armand said to him right before they broke up in the past? It sounds almost like a breakup speech and him telling him to go get his shit together. If you listen to both the “easeful death” monologue and the passage from Daniel's book back to back, they almost sound like they could bookend a long relationship. Especially with the repeating of the “bright young reporter with a point of view”. ESPECIALLY when you go back and see the look on Armand's face when old Daniel says that line in the first episode of season 2.

Anyway, that's my incoherent ramblings of the day. Rolin please give us Season 3 already so I can go back to being at least semi-normal.

[bitchlessdino]

Happy 3K Nana 🥳🥳🥳 I hope your celebration has been going well and, your actual vacation is even better.

Noone perceive me. So, because I have no sense of self-preservation, could I please request a drabble featuring ChanCheol. As long as it's smut related in some way, I leave the rest up to you. I'm excited and terrified to see what your brain comes up with.

Pairing: bf!Seungcheol x fem!reader x chan

Genre: smut, slight humor

Word count: 2.8k

tags: mention of infidelity, mentions of fem oral, banter, exhibitionism, vouyerism, body worship, choking, spitting, spanking, fingering, brief biting, blowjob, degradation, praise kink, brief hair pulling, unprotected sex, double penetration, oral fixation, plot twist

Summary: Being caught doing something you shouldn’t do is a big no-no, especially when it causes Chan to come across a 5’10 unit with muscular stature by the name of Seungcheol, your apparent boyfriend.

author note: how fun. my return i bring you a chancheol fic, pls enjoy as much as i enjoyed writing.

Tag: @shiningstar-byulxx @misssugarlips @tommolex @hoeforhao @homerunhansol @dkakapizzaboy @junhui-recs @svtup @buffhoshi @meowmeowminnie @caratochan @lovebot4han @6969lilithcat @wonuhour @camisun93 @emmmui @toruro @jeonride @novalpha @nvmrljk @feat-sun

“You taste like candy.”

His tongue traced your skin as if your sweat was pure concentrated nectar. Your giggles left your lips in a perfect melody, trickling as he made his way down your chest and wrapped them perfectly around the bulb of your nipple.

His moans vibrated off your body. Voice shaking to the point it could’ve been mistaken for weakness, but rather it was the radical opposite. When he replaced the plush felt of his lips to twist you between the pads of his fingers, he splayed effortlessly an intoxicating smile as the words he made left you begging for breath.

“Wanna worship every inch of skin. Fill your pretty pussy to the brim with cum. Make you mine.”

You’d drink every syllable, just as you planned to drink him up.

His bare skin was blistering, burning against yours as your legs hugged his sides. Your digits ran through his hair in fatigued confidence, thumbing over his smooth and flushed cheek. “Promise?” You asked in a sickly sweet voice.

“I’m a very bad liar, but I’m good at a lot of other things.”

You let out a light chuckle before you gripped his hair to meet his needy lips. His body enveloped yours in an overwhelming heat, muzzling your mind with incoherent thoughts. Together you were a symphony of lust, attraction, and animalistic instinct. 

That was then a deep voice made itself known at the bedroom door. It boomed like a loud drum, startling your intimate partner and causing him to jump away from you. He covered his naked body with the blanket kicked off to the corner of the bed, tugging you to his side to keep yourselves hidden beneath it.

Now the shake in his voice resembled fear, pupils trembling back at the intruder. “W-who are you?”

“Ask my question first before I answer yours. Having. Fun?”

Chan’s eyes rapidly blinked for Seungcheol’s, barely meeting the other man’s eyes, clutching the fabric as if letting go would mean letting go of his life. He swallowed with effort, giving a prompt nod of his head, hoping desperately it was a good enough response.

“Now, to answer your question. I’m the boyfriend of the girl you’re fucking.”

You could feel the other body stumble behind you, physically processing the information he had just been told. “B-Boyfriend? Boyfriend?!”

“Yeah.” Seungcheol's steel stiff body took one heavy step over the other until towered over your bodies, eyes piercing back at them in a cold, intimidating gaze. “Boyfriend.”

“Look m-man. I’m sorry. For real. There’s no way I could’ve known.”

Your boyfriend snickered. “You think that’s a fucking excuse to be fucking my goddamn girlfriend?”

“No! No. I mean—“

“What’s your name, kid?”

Chan held the blanket closer, tighter, against him. If he was sweating already from the foreplay, he was shooting bullets of nerves down his forehead from fear. “Please, man. I’ll leave.”

“You think you’re better at fucking her than me? You think your cock can do worse damage?” With every word, there was seething venom on the man’s tongue, burning tension in the already charged air.

Chan violently shook his head. “N-no sir, please I didn’t know. I’ll get out of your way.”

“You think I’ll just let you fuck my girlfriend and not want to know who it is she’s fucking?”

“At this point, I just want to go home. I’m not—“ he gulped, “a home wrecker. Not intentionally anyway—“

“Fuck her in front of me.”

 Chan blinked, “What?”

Seungcheol slyly grinned. “You heard me. Fuck her like I’m not here. Fuck her like she’s yours.” Your boyfriend veered his eyes on you. “That’s just what you want. Isn’t that right, you little succubus?”

You giggled a cheeky grin on your face, clinging to Chan’s arm as you locked eyes with the other man. “Yes, baby. I want him to bury his cock deep inside me until I’m crying.”

Chan shivered, cock tensing underneath the blanket much closer to its initially aroused state as heat crept the back of his neck and across his cheeks.

“Of course you do,” Seungcheol snickered, “my little slut is always so hungry for attention.” He picked up your chin between his fingers before smoothing his thumb over your jaw. “Ask him. I’m sure he’ll do what you say.”

You turned to Chan with the guide of Seungcheol’s friendly hands cascading over your body like silk drapes, they smoothed over your neck and shoulders delicate but with the weight of a ship anchor cupping a single breast. Chan’s face was overwritten with shock, unsure what part of you to look at. “Chan…” you moaned, like a siren calling to a sailor at sea, the weak helpless sailor being Chan.  “Fuck me, please. Fill me to the brim with your cum like you said you would.”

The devil himself let out a shallow breath, the carrot dangling right in front of him. He drew closer to you, hand reaching up to your neck before a digit descended down your neck, “Can I really do that?”

“Of course, you can,” Seungcheol interjected, “Just fuck her like you mean it.” Seungcheol rolled your buds between his finger, eliciting a whimper from within you and your body jerked toward him behind you. “She likes it rough. ‘Enough to leave her sore’ rough. Can you provide? Chan?” He asked him solemnly, the name sounded foreign the way he enunciated it.

“I can,” Chan answered confidently for once, fueled by a festering competitive spirit. “Like I told gorgeous here, I’m a bad liar. I’ll fuck her just how she wants me to.”

“Prove you’re not all talk then.” 

A switch was flipped. The hungry gazes on you had doubled and your heart pounding sound enough to be heard through a vast sea. Chan pushed you against the mattress, caressing the shape of your body as if ingraining the image through touch before the pads of his fingers dug into your plush flesh. 

You felt the unremorseful spat against your already wet pussy, Chan's fingers running sloppily over your slit as his other hand clashed with your ass. His fingers entered you fast and deep, giving you a taste of what was about to come. 

Chan licked his lips at the sight of you, letting his digits push in and out of you as you made those sweet, delectable sounds, looking just as–if not more–delectable yourself. Just like that, his throat was as dry as a drought in a desert, inching closer to your honey-coated folds and  panting to your beckoning until he’s atoms away. He held his gaze to you, a hopeful wish in his heart that the image of your pretty cunt never vanishes or fades from memory. 

It was then Chan was yanked by his blonde hair. Tugged at the root ,wincing out in annoyed pain, he now sneered back at the man who halted Chan's steps towards the gates of his personal heaven. 

Seungcheol slyly grinned back at the bitter-looking individual before forcing his face parallel to his. The elder clicked his tongue as if scolding him, wrapping his fingers tighter around the boy's hair when he felt protest. “You may get to have her, but you don’t get to taste her like I do. Have her anyway but that. She’s still mine.”

Chan muttered some not-so-nice things under his breath before agreeing. He let out a sigh of relief as he was let go,  annoyed now more than scared. “Fine, I’ll have no choice but to show no mercy then.”

Chan dragged you by your thighs and pushed himself against the cushion of your ass. You let out a rich moan as you felt him twitch against you. The head of his cock rubbed against the curve of your posterior before it slid through the divide, teasing you until you practically begged him to put it inside you. 

His responses to your pleas are anything but generous, only kind enough to sting your bottom cheeks with the flat palms of his hand. “So needy…”

He’s surprised to not hear fits of pain, but rather hearty moans of pleasure, urging more harsher strikes to your body that left you in a raw lust. “You like that? You’ll like this even more.”

Even with the warning, nothing prepares you for fullness from Chan making his presence known. His cock filled you with strain, stretching you to your wits. “Chan…”

“Whining already? I barely put it in.”

The smug in his voice only made you want him more, making you claw at your sheets like an undomesticated pet. 

“Excuse her,” Seungcheol entered, “She can act out at times.”

“Then I’ll put her in her place.”

Seungcheol chuckled, counting character points Chan has just gained from his response. “I like the way you think.”

Every thrust had the power of every fully winded stroke of his hand, slamming both your cheeks against the heat of his lap. Your face once buried in your face rose up to the surface by Chan’s vice grip on the column of your neck. The moment he made contact, you could feel the closing of your airways as he compressed around the girth, not once faltering as you swallowed every inch of cock.

Your cheek to his face, he could listen to every choked breath hardly escaping. “Take it. You said you like it rough, didn’t you? Until you cry, right?”

“Y-yes…m-more…”

“He’s fucking you that good?” The glint in your boyfriend's eyes excited you, as well as the permanent grin on his face as he moved dangerously close. “Needy little slut taking a stranger’s dick while I watch? You like that?”

“Yes, baby. He’s fucking me so good. His dick makes me so full.”

“Such a cute thing you are. Just you want until I get my hands on you too. Chan, stretch her mouth open. Warm her up for me.”

You felt another hand creep against your face, tugging you at the corner of your mouth. Through your gags, Chan managed to gradually insert each digit until there none were left. He could feel every finger coat in your thick salvia, plunge deeper as his cock rocked in you faster, heartier. 

Meanwhile, your front watched Seungcheol take apart his clothes. Every muscle, every pec, every ab in place and none the other wise. Your voice broke out in anguish as he exposed himself from his trousers, his lengthy cock making an appearance like the star of the show. Your eyes trailed his hand through every stroke, every squeeze, watching as he edged himself in a controlled manner. You wanted to relieve him of that burden, make it so it choked around your throat instead, but you knew you’d get the pleasure soon enough.

“Stay as pretty as you are, little succubus.”

Your boyfriend replaced Chan’s fingers, filling a space that fit what he offered rather cohesively like two perfect pieces of a puzzle. You blinked back your tears, hot moisture running down your face furiously as his cock massaged the inside your mouth and eventually down your throat, hitting you head first.

“That’s it,” he winced, “pretty little mouth taking cock like it’s what you’re made to do.”

He took the back of your head to make you bob on him, the squelching sounds music to his ears. 

“That’s so hot,” Chan commented in a breathy speech, “take him deeper.”

You were shaking, being used past your limits, and filled to the brim with cock on both ends. At this point, your eyes could only make out shapes and colors, blurred by your tears and loss of oxygen. The only coherent thought of holding cum inside you running through your mind. Their grunts were your background music, and the praises, and degradation was the melody. You begged through choked sounds as if you were on your last leg, not caring how much in pain you’d be in the aftermath. 

“Came twice already and you are begging for more?” 

“She’s very greedy. You want us to cum in you, little whore? Can you take being that full?”

Physically speaking, you were sure if you had a straight answer, but mentally, the thought made your stomach churn incredulously. You nodded, echoing every yes you had within you until Seungcheol pulled out of your mouth to hear you more clearly, “What was that? Let me hear that again.”

“C-cum in me,” you said through your heavy, hot sobs, “let me feel every inch of me full of cum, please…”

“I think she really wants it,” Chan teased.

Seungcheol grinned, parting your hair from your face. “Let’s not waste any time then.”

Planted on your side, both men were on either your front or back, taking residency in your walls at uneven paces. Chan pushed himself against your backside, allowing you to imagine the sculpt of his body through touch. He forced you to arch, guiding your body so he could plummet inside the very depth of you, while Seungcheol held up your front.

The heat of your boyfriend's tongue steals your breath along with the energy in his hips. He glued your thigh to his side, gripping you against him as the other man’s leg follows after you, overlapping you. You couldn’t help but feel so wanted, so spoiled, every grateful word in the dictionary. But no one was more grateful than the newcomer who was any second from exploding inside you. “Pussy feels so f-fucking heavenly. Your boyfriend’s so lucky.”

“Yes, I fucking am,” Seungcheol growled, “maybe if you’re lucky you’ll get to find pussy almost as precious as my pretty baby here.”

“If I’m only so lucky,” Chan chuckled against your skin, “maybe I need to learn a thing or two from you?”

“Handsome thing like you,” the out of the blue, a hand is on Chan’s ass, “with an ass like this.”

“Likewise,” Chan revealed a toothy grin, “one nice ass to another.”

You could feel Seungcheol’s smile against your lips and a second later, you hear the boisterous sound of skin colliding, urging an abrupt slam of Chan’s hips against your backside. “I like you, kid, maybe I’ll keep you.”

Utter shock ran through the younger man, followed by arousal and a string of cusses. Chan clung to your side, trembling, teeth digging into your shoulder. “Fuck, fuck.”

Eventually, the rhythms find a mutual harmony. Your toes curled helplessly as thick threads of silky white released inside you, the legs of men clamping you down on the bed. You clutched your boyfriend, determined to not spill a drop, but relaxed as the fatigue hit you. They splayed you out once you were finished, joining your side in rest. You looked of bliss, taking in a gust of breath as you relieved yourself.  “Wow. Great job, guys. That turned out better than I expected.”

“Yeah, Chan those acting classes really are coming in handy,”

The blonde rolled his eyes. “Shut up. Do you guys always take role-playing this seriously? I’m pretty sure Cheol bruised my ass cheek.”

“And I’ll do it again. You have a nice ass.”

You missed the banter. It was a little foreign to not have it almost the entire time. “And we’re back to reality.”

“I guess I don’t have much to complain about. You both did open the relationship for me. Thank you,” Chan hummed with glee. “Though it really would’ve been nice to have gotten to eat you out. Maybe once some time has passed—“

“In your dreams, twerp,” Seungcheol quickly retorted.

“Oh, I’ll be dreaming of it alright.” Chan nudged your face his way, “I’ll be dreaming of a lot of things I want to do with you.”

“Why dream if I’m here,” you grinned back, “I’m yours too now.”

His fingers ran through your hair adoringly, a cartoonish sparkle in his eye. “You are now, huh?”

Seungcheol thought he’d be jealous but it turned out better than he thought it would. It seemed that everyone was happy, even him, the guy that got the worst end of the deal but what more could he want than the smile on your face looking at him or Chan? 

Seungcheol nuzzled closer to you both collectively, his chin hooking in the crook of your neck. “We’re each other’s now. It's new, but I think I like it. I’m glad to hear you both do too.”

Chan looked over at his now boyfriend(?) in gratitude and joined in, sandwiching you in between. “I’m grateful for my first poly relationship if it’s with you both. I think it’d only work if it’s with you two.”

You smiled the hardest you ever had tonight, making an effort to embrace them both, and feel the warmth that radiated off their body keep you warm. “I think we’re gonna work out just fine.”

To be continued…

[dunmeshichilchuck]

For That One Guy on Tumblr part 12

Chilchuck x !fem !halffoot reader

Short update this time

Chilchuck finishes as quickly as you did, and curtly informs you that he's done. 

Both of you wind up sitting against one of the walls, staring blankly out into the dimly lit room, too exhausted to do anything else. The adrenaline has fully worn off now that you're not moving and have nothing left to do, and the reality of the situation is finally catching up to you both.

"Well." You break the silence finally. "This fucking sucks."

Chilchuck is silent for half a beat more, and then makes a sound that is halfway between a snort and a chuckle. "Yeah. Yeah it does." He snorts again, and then begins to laugh, half choking on it. You stare at him, and then find yourself joining in, giggling half hysterically. You both laugh for far too long over something that was barely a joke to begin with.  

You finally choke out "We are absolutely dying here." and then burst into another fit of laughter. The idea is hilarious to you all of a sudden. You've both fought so hard, survived so much, and you're going to starve to death because of bad luck. What a funny twist of fate. 

Chilchuck seems to have gained some form of control over himself. He's still visibly fighting back a laugh but he's regaining his composure. "Alright, pull yourself together. Maybe we will die here, but there's no point in giving up." 

His seriousness and rigorous adherence to the rules suddenly seems even more funny to you than it already did. You start laughing harder, and then lean back against him, letting half of your back be supported by his chest. You're not quite in his lap, but it's close. He goes rigidly stiff. 

"Ah lighten up" you say easily. "I'm not giving up, and I know you're not either. What's wrong with a little laughter in the dark?" 

You're being facetious, but you're at the fuck it stage of continuous fear and adrenaline. You're ready to start having some fun with it. 

He's still stiff under you, but notably hasn't made any move to push you off or gotten pissed at you. 

"We're coworkers." He says abruptly. "Any sexual contact-".

You snort uncontrollably, and start laughing again. What little you can see of his face out of the corner of your eye is brilliant red. "Does this count as fucking to you?" You choke out. "Because that would explain a lot." 

He sputters a bit, and then says "All I was trying to say was that we shouldn't have sex! I assumed you were initiating something!" 

You laugh so hard it feels like you might genuinely throw up, while he sits stiffly, looking distinctly, wildly mortified. 

"What you-" you choke out. "You thought - thought I was gonna ask to work off some of that almost dying adrenaline? Maybe -" you break into laughter again. "Maybe pull the last night on earth line? And you were going to say 'sorry I know this will be my last chance to get laid but I'm going to refuse because -" you double over, ribs actually hurting now. "'because my contract says no sex with coworkers'??? Come ON man." 

Chilchuck looks indignant. "Well it's not like I don't want to have sex with you! you're just really banged up and concussed and you're stuck working with me! I'm just trying to not take-" 

You wheeze loudly. "HA." You're almost incoherent now. 

You curl up on the ground and make an indecipherable series of sounds reminiscent of a pipe organ being cleaned, or perhaps a cat being hit with a broom but the cat has something stuck in its throat.

"Are. Are you okay?" Chilchuck asks. He sounds genuinely concerned. 

You finally manage to regain some semblance of control over your vocal chords. 

"YOU WERE PROJECTING!" you choke out between wheezing gasps. "AHAHA YOU WANNA FUCK ME SO BAD IT MAKES YOU STUPID." 

Chilchuck doesn't even try to deny it. Just stares down at you with the distinct look of a man who wishes he were dead. 

You're stuck dying in a labyrinth with an emotionally constipated and apparently very horny man and it's the funniest goddamn thing that's ever happened to you. 

Taglist, ask to tag: (also let me know if I missed you, I've gotten sloppy)

@night-shadowblood-writes2

@thoughtfulbelieverstrawberry

@dunmeshimeshi

@leguink 

@gh0st-spider

@reh-llik

@sy1v30n

@qardasngan

@mshope16

@drowsydoggy

@anaxnee

@hopefully-not

@j4mergy

@alula394

@renjunluvr119

@lone-ray

@indigoghnights

@toshi-tori

@manic-bat

@theplutodeity

@0rphan-eater

@emmmeoo

@kween-kitty666

[9w1ft]

I'm a gaylor myself so this isn't coming from a place of hate but I really don't think karlie and taylor are still together, I think taylor still references her in her art and probably will for quite some time because that relationship -- whatever the nature of it was -- left such a deep impact on her. but I really can't see them still being together, I think she's forced herself to move on from karlie and has since dated a lot of other women. that doesn't mean her feelings for karlie have faded, just that they will probably always be there but they broke up for sure before 2019, I think. folklore and evermore, midnights even, are all breakup albums, I just can't see how they could still be together. especially all her anger and sadness in those songs that are thought of to be for karlie (like my tears ricochet or exile or mad woman) also the cover art being shoot in bedfords, new york, the exact same place where karlie got married feels more like taylor revisiting this place to really say goodbye and mourn her for one last final time so she can move on

sorry, this got a bit long, I just don't understand the appeal or the reasoning for lsk's because taylor has indicated so many times that they are over, she's been mourning her relationship with karlie quite publicly since 2019 (wearing all black during the lover era) so yeah

hi! i don’t usually respond to these but i’m not sensing any ill will so i’ve decided to give a reply a go.

first off, for me, i kinda just interpret her wearing black in the back end of lover era because her masters had gotten bought by scooter. and maybe the fact that she decided to not come out. there can be other reasons, but i really do not think that her breaking up with karlie has to be one of them.

another thing i can’t shake is the fact that it was a very notorious troll/manipulative person on tumblr who spread the first rumor that they broke up in 2019, a fact that is well understood by a lot of OG’s, and this troll got in the head of a few popular kaylor and gaylor swift accounts at the time and in doing so she got a lot of people to fold. she then went on to write all this progressively unhinged fanfiction about taylor and karlie trying to make one another jealous and sleeping with all these women, presented with the same level of seriousness with which she pushed the breakup agenda. even to this day, i see present day gaylors talk about stuff that stems from narratives this account and a few other power hungry accounts spread around many years ago and it honestly just goes to show how a lot of well known gaylors may be platformmed up but that don’t really know what they’re talking about.. i only write this because the troll deactivated about a year ago (maybe they’re lurking on platforms with more malleable minds—once a troll always a troll—but at least they’ve left here), they were a really dangerous person.. and several have wild receipts to prove it.

anyways sorry i recognize that’s a tangent, i guess what i mean to say by it is, a lot of the sentiment surrounding the idea of a 2019 breakup and the reinforcement of the narrative by a gaylor community none the wiser stems from the work of someone with disingenuous intentions. a lot of “masterposts” or “realistic timelines” draw from what this person made up and it’s gone through enough filters for it to seem like credible sentiment but like, if you were there and you read all of what she wrote you know how silly it all sounded and how incoherently it was all written.

okay so to circle back to more of a content-centric angle, in my interpretation of the events that gave us folklore, evermore, and midnights, taylor had so much to be sad about. her mom had been very sick, the pandemic arrived and she had to cancel lover fest, she had to come to terms with scott b having sold her work to her sworn enemy… songs on midnights and folklore, and on her lover era apple music playlist allude to certain other things that may have had her in a mournful mood. things were bad! and i don’t doubt that her and karlie have been through a lot. but for me, when you’ve got a ride or die love, you don’t just break up. this has been something frustrating for me and others, i think, to see so many people treat a relationship as either being all systems go or broken up, as if long term partners can’t experience sadness together, difficulty together, even heartbreak together.

i don’t like getting in to touchy subjects so much but there’s just been too much pointing towards what i consider to be a rather simple narrative that is a natural progression for people committed and in love. how did the lover music video begin and end? whats a randomly specific word in a song she performed at the grammys minutes after someone was announced to the world? what about taylor’s envisioned future stands out about the anti hero music video? i think i’ll stop here but idk man 😆 poke around my archive if you feel like wasting a few days of your life… there’s just been a consistent flow of the same kind of hijinks that we’ve seen from them for years, and i’d say that there are many songs that back up everything i’d want in order to stay invested in seeing if what i believe is true.

now, i know i just wrote what reads like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to people not following kaylor. but im okay with that. i’ve accepted that. and i know that the whole patterns and koincidences and twinning and symbolism beat isn’t for everyone and so i respect people’s decisions to believe they aren’t together, but in closing i’ll just say im sometimes at a loss to see time and time again people suggest that kaylors believe in kaylor because they find it appealing or because they want to ship it. when it’s literally not that— it just makes the most sense to a lot of us!

also, does this look like the face of someone mourning?

[lycoristyx]

Hi! I wanted to share something that I thought was funny just now (sorry if I'm a bit incoherent I'm very sleepy right now)).

I'm about to go to sleep and I was scrolling through tumblr before sleeping when your most recent Ortho artwork came across my dash. I was scrolling so it was sort of blurred when I saw it, and had the thought 'Ortho is trying to change a light bulb!' because of the very pretty lighting and colours giving a glowy look (and his flames). I realised after a bit that no Ortho is probably not changing a light bulb. The thought was funny to me so I'm sharing, no need to reply. I thought it might make you amused

Good work on your art! You are very skilled and worked hard to get the skill!! It looks like a lot of time and effort in them. They are very lovely. Really like the detail. Thank you for posting!

Thank you so much anon!! 😭 I will admit this gave me a bit of a chuckle, I had to make a quick doodle of him and his lightbulb, sleep well knowing it is fixed now

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

Hi? Gosh how do I even start with this :'D

I know it's been ages since I've last popped up on here. I've been debating when to post this for a while, but I kept adding to my draft more and more and now it's the end of JULY omgg I felt so guilty disappearing with zero updates but then thought my birthday would be the best day to finally address this considering it'll feel less random? idk but Ive always celebrated my bday with you guys and I'd feel so bad answering your kind asks without me at least explaining why I was gone for months.

Truth be told, I was dealing with a lot of stuff irl. health issues and sudden declining grades that left me stumped and drained for months now- along with technical issues like having to replace some parts of my computer that took a while for me to find to even draw digitally, which I didn't have the time for anyway with how tired and weary I felt every day.

I'm frankly shaken up by a lot of shit rn and I don't know how to be active online with this burden on my chest- Especially as it's been a while since I've even looked at utmv related content and my motivation dwindled. I swear I'd hype myself up to post or reblog something- but I'd see just how much I've missed or the overwhelming amount of posts I'd need to go through and I'd feel so swamped with exhaustion and most importantly guilt, for not clearing the air up sooner to reassure you guys that I'm, y'know, alive, and not dead in a ditch somewhere. And I'd procrastinate cause typing it all out is hard and I'd give up halfway every time and it's just not fair to you all!

I thought I was handling it well when I started going out and socializing more, instead of staying cooped up at home on my computer all day. and in the first draft of this post I made months ago I was gonna detail some of the fun plans I had, for my life and for this blog :D but relaxing my strict study schedule and letting go a bit of my tight routine, thinking it was better than wringing myself dry to keep it up, backfired horribly, to say the least.

I know right?? so silly to be hung up on stupid shit like studies of all things! but this is a very important thing for me considering my career plans and the competitivity encouraged by everyone I'm surrounded by, the pressure of keeping up adding to my already stressful days. I had to fix myself up first and I couldn't handle the strain nor interact with people and thinking of jobs and exams sapped my energy so much it's frankly embarrassing. writing this feels so cheesy too and it frustrates me to know I could've come back a month earlier if it weren't for that, but I also know putting all of this into words then would just sound like incoherent venting (not that this is very different tbf) and I wasn't in the right headspace to address my absence, or anything really- I didn't want everyone to see me return when I couldn't muster up a genuinely positive message, let alone talk to anyone with a shadow of my usual cheer

I feel like a complete mess and It drives me up the wall how depressed I've gotten. I debated deleting this blog so many times 'cause the fear of disappointing my audience and my friends, for lack of a more fitting sentiment, made me feel even shittier. I'm constantly thinking if this wall of text is worth posting, or if it's better not to burden you all with all my sappy troubles as if it's the end of the world. Trust me, I'll be fine. I'm not trying to dramatize this situation, but I don't think I'm up to pretending I'm all sunshine and enthusiasm you're all accustomed to.

So sorry for worrying you all! I'll try to catch up, deliver some missed birthday gifts, and answer some asks while I'm at it! Again, I can't state how much I appreciate your support throughout the years. It's frankly a miracle I kept any of you around with how much I keep popping and leaving at random with no warning. I definitely can't promise for my stay to be without a hitch, and if you don't mind an inconsistent schedule you're free to stay of course, but I'm afraid I can't sustain the pace I had when I first started this blog. I'll keep posting art, but lower my activity in the fandom sphere to reduce the strain on my mental health. so fewer rants and walls of text, more art, and less stress overall. Love you all and thanks for waiting for this long <3

[sapphicseasapphire]

I apologize in advance but I'm going to ramble incoherently for way too long in this ask.

I just got caught up on a lot of cryptid AU stuff and Sky and Groose's relationship is very interesting to me. At first I was like, "????" but then you explained in the post and now it makes sooo much sense and I actually really really like it. I have DID and his whole situation with two halves of a whole becoming one is so fascinating. (I went through something similar so I'm very interested in this kind of stuff.) I love the birb boi very much and I'm happy he's your fav 'cause he's mine too. :3

(The alt who went through, essentially the same thing as Sky, may or may not let me write fanfic of the two meeting & him helping Sky adjust, would that be okay?) Wild. Can I talk about Wild? I've been dying to talk about Wild. Cryptid Wild touches something in my soul. Just. The silence. The curiosity. The innocence. The tragedy. The wanderer. The watching from afar. The Lost Boy. I just. Ajkhshtrsj. He makes me feel deep and profound things and I adore him for that.

I want to give him a giant hug and just hold him for a while and tell him he's not alone and that it'll be okay but I get the sense that he would NOT vibe with hugs or contact out of the blue. (You can't stop me from hugging Sky though, birb boy's getting tackled off a cliff. HE HAS WINGS IT'S FINE. :D)

... Has Sun ever ridden on Sky's back before? How would Sky feel about that?

I want my favs (Sky & Wild) to interact but idk how close you plan on them being or how much interaction you plan on having between the two of them. I don't even know what kind of dynamic they'd have in your AU if any, they both seem kinda lost in their own heads/situations.

They're kind-of inverses of each other, now that I think about it: Wild's trying to grapple with being someone he can't remember, and Sky's trying to grapple with being TWO "people" he CAN remember! A memory vacuum and memory overload... man now I want to see them talk about that.

How much does Wild think about who he was before? Sky's kinda smacked in the face with it, but Wild seems (fittingly) very distracted by the moment. But is it distraction, avoidance, or both? He still has the soul of Link (... right?), but he no longer remembers what that means. Does he want to? Does he feel overwhelmed even thinking about trying? adkutfkuvluyvlig. Too many Wild thoughts. ♥

Also why doesn't Legend like Wind turning into his water form (I forget what it's called)? He looked freaked out by it and asked him to not do that; why? Did I miss something? /gen, I don't think I've caught up on everything yet.

Anyway thanks for this AU sorry for the novel-length ask I just had a Lot of Thoughts. :)

Bro all I ever do is ramble too long, don’t even worry about it. I love getting asks like this.

LONG ONE, under the cut!

Okay I’ll try to break this up to answer all of your questions and ramble a bit haha!

SKY AND GROOSE! Yeah, there’s a lot of tension there. Sky is… an entirely new person. He has the memories of both Link and Aepon, but he interprets those experiences differently than either of them would. Link and Aepon both had entirely different mindsets, so of course the result of their fusion would be left to interpret things on his own.

Link never cared enough about himself to care about what Groose said to him/did to him. Self sacrificing to a fault and very forgiving. (Kind of by design, too. Hylia needed her Hero to be willing to risk his life for the good of others). Aepon was Link’s other half, his Goddess given protector, and thus he had the traits that Link lacked. He was a strong, proud bird. He cared enough about Link to care what Groose had to say about him. And then he was kidnapped! And Groose just kept hurting Link! And Aepon’s!!! Not!!! Having!!! That!!!

And so Sky was very conflicted about Groose. His Link half wanted to be friends! His Aepon half wanted nothing to do with him! And then Groose… said some very unkind things. I think that Groose is a very defensive person. When he feels hurts or threatened in any way, he lashes out. He had been at a point with Link where they were close! They were friends! They faced the end of the world together! And then suddenly all of that changed and Groose doesn’t understand why. Just. Suddenly Sky started giving him the cold shoulder. And that… hurt. And when Groose is hurt? His first instinct is to punch back.

So Sky was on the fence and Groose started falling back into old habits, just being so so rude. He called Sky a monster, treated him like he was just some thing that had stolen his friend away from him. And if Sky was undecided before, that pushed him right over the edge. Sky is not fond of Groose.

And you’re more than welcome to make any kind of fanart or fanfics! Just so long as you tag me so that I can see them!!

(Sun has not ridden on Sky’s back, but he wouldn’t be opposed! He loves taking people on flights! It’s just that he was only home for three days after Demise and he hasn’t been to his era in so long. Kind of tragic that Sky’s spent more of his existence away from home than he has actually on Skyloft or even in his own era. But in the future! After the Cryptid Adventure is done! Sky will fly with Sun! Now, Sun does still have Aria, but they’ll take turns haha!)

WILD!!! He does not vibe with hugs. Pretty much ever. Anyone who grabs him, he will immediately take that as being restrained and he will run away. He is a FREE SPIRIT!!! He’d like to keep it that way.

Sky and Wild do interact! Like, a lot! I think there’s this misconception going around that the Cryptids don’t like Wild? Particularly I’ve seen it with Legend haha! But no!! Wild is so loved! The others are annoyed by his constant thievery but to be honest, it’s kind of endearing! When Wild is focused on one of the members of my Chain, he’s SO focused on them. He’s caring, he’s genuinely very sweet. AND he can be bribed with cool rocks and colorful leaves so. Winning.

Sky and Wild have this whole arc surrounding the Master Sword. Sky’s inseparable from the blade but Wild… he knows something’s not right. He wants to see what will happen if he takes it away. (Sky will not let him steal it).

And… okay. So. Wild struggles so much with the whole being Link thing. He is definitely 100% avoiding it. He spends all of his time running away from Flora, but he’s really running away from who he used to be. He has no memory of ever being mortal- his life is completely irrelevant. Link and the Child of the Mountains are separate. WILD WOULD LIKE TO KEEP IT THAT WAY. He does not want to remember. He does feel overwhelmed.

Still… there are certain things that he cannot run from. And that bothers him SO MUCH.

LEGEND AND WIND!!! What’s Legend’s issue with Wind’s natural form? Please don’t hate me, but Legend is being racist. I have a lot of lore written out about their dynamic and the circumstances that led them to this point. Here’s a post about the War! And here’s a post more specifically about Wind!

But basically, to sum it up. There’s this big war that spans across the timelines between the Mer and Aquili. In Legend’s timeline, the Mer won and he was taught to hate “Sea Monsters.” He was chased from his home by an Aquili scavenger and was never allowed to return, and so he had a very deeply seated hatred AND FEAR of Aquili. In Wind’s timeline, the conflict is still ongoing but it’s not as extreme since Hyrule flooded. He lives on an island of refugees- Mer and Aquili who fled the ocean to find peace. Because of this, the war is distant to him. Something that he’s not connected to. Although… in loosing ties with his people, he’s lost ties with his culture.

I actually have so much more to say about Outset Island in my au! I’m planning on making another big lore post soon where I can go in detail about it!

And I promise that Legend will come to his senses! Soon!

Thanks for sending in this ask! I love rambling about my guys! I hope this helps?

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

In case your ask box is still open for sex questions (CN: mention of CSA)

Do you have any advice on how to reconceptualize yourself as a subject of desire? I was very much raised to consider myself mainly an object of other people’s (straight men’s) desire and this was violently inscribed into me as a child and teenager.

Now I’ve transitioned and I’m being read as male (I guess most people read me as a cis gay guy?) so this object-of-desire messaging has largely stopped. I find this pretty disorienting, both because of the loss of “positive” feedback and because I literally do not know how to be anything BUT an object of desire.

I’m looking for ways to learn what I want, develop intentions and follow through on them but I find this so difficult. Even just communicating about my desire with anyone fills me with existential dread and anxiety. I used to have this self-image of being a slut but after a lot of therapy work I’ve just sort of stopped having sex and I’m a little lost with this.

I wanna do (more) therapy about this but I’d be interested to hear your opinion if you have one!

Thank you so much both for taking the time to read this and for all you’ve shared so far! It has been really helpful and interesting for me!

Oooh great ask! (And my ask box is always open for anything always. If I'm not willing to respond to what I'm sent, I simply won't, or will post a brief "hey this asker, sorry I'm not the right person!" Or whatever lol)

Anyway lets talk about this because I was literally just talking to a partner about this yesterday:

Hmmm. Possibly a disorganized/incoherent thought pattern, but I think as follows: I am accustomed to offering my pleasure and pain to the desires of others and finding pleasure in the giving of power over me. I am left a bit unmoored how to offer service to someone who does not seem to want the power to instruct me in what I am to give, even if other aspects are desireable to you. It will be interesting to learn what it can look like to offer my own desires as service to another I think.

So every time my service top and I fuck, it starts the same way.

Top sits down in the cozy chair and I lay in bed and snuggle up into the blankets. We chitchat until one or both of us brings up an activity we'd like to do. If I bring up an activity, I tend to bring it up based on current interests or recent fantasies. My service top tends to exclusively bring up fantasies I have shared with them in the past.

This is difficult because I am *fucking petrified* of sharing my fantasies with people I fuck. I Do Not Want To Do That.

I understand how silly that sounds given all my tomfoolery recently, but the thing is: what I *want* is kind of fucking dark. Not like. Content wise (okay so sometimes cnc can get content dark too sure fine fuck) but emotionally. I am SUPER aware that the vast majority of my sexual desires are tied, in some way, into the way I blur love and abuse. I was actually talking about this at staff meeting yesterday too, naming for people the cognitive dissonance of needing to defend and normalize something in order to survive while also needing to eliminate it from your life entirely, and the wild swings of instability that can come as you flip between these.

Nothing is more pleasurable to me than pain. Nothing is more erotic than someone choosing to inflict extreme sensations until I sort of....reboot. When Wifey and I first got together, she had to sit me down and explain that while she was happy to play in the fetish with me, she NEEDED me to be able to differentiate between "fetish" and "self-harm using another human being as the harm". This is.....not really something I've mastered.

Cpnversations like this have been really important for me. In the moment that someone demonstrates the capacity to harm(not just hurt, HARM) me, I get intensely turned on. What does this mean psychologically? No fucking clue.

But over the years a few different partners have had some version of this conversation with me "I will happily do what brings you pleasure, but I will not allow you to use me to damage yourself."

It's a hard conversation I'm not gonna lie, but that's because it's important. And it gets to the conversation of object/subject of desire.

See, I have learned that my relationship to self-harming sexual practices was rooted in the inability to believe that I was loved unless I was in pain. Physical pain was genuinely pleasurable, but emotional pain wasn't, and I was utterly unable to tell the difference. The emotional pain caused by partners who were willing to harm me was slotted into the same box in my brain as the physical pain caused by partners who felt violated by realizing they had caused me harm. But it shouldn't have been.

Some people left me. I left others. Little by little I realized as partners came and went that I felt much worse around certain partners and sought sex and pain to stabilize, vs feeling much BETTER around other partners and seeking sex and pain to experience each other intimately.

Now my partners tell me no when I ask for something that they feel concerned about me not being thoughtful of myself in asking. My partners ask me to want things without first giving me parameters in which it is acceptable to want and sometimes I tell them a desire and it is fulfilled and ither times I tell them a desire and it is denied, and ALWAYS WITHOUT FAIL that is done with love.

My service top sits and waits for me to say how I want to be cared for, and if they realize I am unable to, they offer me a safe, pre-negotiated alternative to making a decision. This is power as a gift, not as theft. They take nothing that is not freely given, ever, even when they pin me down and fuck me.

I don't know when all this started turning into a genuine ability to discuss my desires with myself (let alone my partners) but the safety of no (not just mine, but MY PARTNER'S) has been so fucking mission critical to that shift.

So lets name some resonances here:

Self concept as slut despite cyclical episodes of sexual abstinenance and a genuine inability to measure up objectively to many of my best slutty slutty friends and role models

History of subjugation of self and denial of right to your own no

The message that if your partner gives you a no that means something is wrong, rather than embracing and reveling in your mutual right to an un-interrogated no

Difficulty conceptualizing oneself as autonomous in desire rather than an object to have desire enacted upon

Terror of communicating any successfully conceptualized desire secondary to either mistrust of others' ability to genuinely care for us and/or fear of real and perceived abandonment/rejection

Lets name the solutions my partners found:

Establish boundaries with me that both expect and REQUIRE me to be capable of identifying and expressing boundaries of my own

Collaboratively build a process of repair following a no that acknowledges both the distress of the rejection and the need for a boundary to not be crossed or pressured

Practice wanting - this is obvi gonna be different for everyone, but my partners have established a lot of different ways they ask me to practice wanting a thing and expressing the want to them in a low stakes environment

Recognizing that "wanting" and "continuing to want" are not inherent bedfellows, and often I will need to back out of a thing I wanted

Learning how to reconnect with my body - we really haven't talked about this one yet, but my relationship with embodiment is......bad. i have had suicidal levels of dysphoria since I was nine years old for a number of reasons, some related to gender, others to chronic health conditions, others secondary to physical abuse, and still others secondary to the coercive/traumatizing medical practices inflicted on my throughout childhood. I am largely incapable of remaining present in my body for more than about 30min at a time and this level of grounding has taken LITERAL DECADES to manage. Sex has gone from a way I further inflict this harm on myself to a way I learn to love and safely experience my body. The more memories I build of safe/secure pleasure, satisfaction, comfort, coexistence, etc, the more it feeds into and nourishes my trauma recovery. After all, how can I know how to want anything if I can't even feel its effect on me? Whether or not I enjoyed the experiment? My partners have each found their own way, through a careful balance of pain, communication, pleasure, withdrawal, etc., to keep me anchored in my body with them enough for it to ACTUALLY BE SAFE to fuck me or play with me. Friend, for 17years I thought I couldn't have an independent orgasm. In the last 2 years since a few major milestones of embodied restoration, I have managed a half dozen on my own, and am now near guaranteed orgasm with a partner. While I still ENJOY an overstimulation/lack of control induced orgasm, it has ceased to be my only option for pleasure, and I can't tell you how much that changes things

This got super long and my brain went all over so I hope I haven't gotten too confusing or off track here but I think the TLDR is probably this:

TLDR: for those of us whose subjugation was multi-layered and/or all-encompassing, we may simply never be done processing the ways in which we learned to subjugate ourselves in a desperate and subconscious attempt to survive. This sounds terrifying when you first encounter the idea. If you can persist long enough, it will begin to taste like freedom. Just because the panopticon lives inside us doesn't mean we have to help it continue to abuse us once our jailers have gone from our world. The fear is old and comes from a time when someone could and would harm you and you lacked any recourse. That time is dead, but you are not. For years you made yourself into the image of a survivor. Now you must learn how to make yourself in the image of someone who is truly living. You have never known any terror so strong as freedom in your whole life. You will never know a greater joy than abandoning that terror in the dust bin of your history. I love you. What happened should never have happened. It is part of you, and every day you persist that part becomes less meaningful as it is subsumed by the experiences of loving and being loved with abandon. You have survived. You will do so much more. I love you, but it doesn't matter. I love you and it's the most important thing in the world. I love you and I will never need to know you to justify that. I will still love you when I know you. I don't matter because this only ever deserves to be about you. You are alive. You are a glorious accident the world will never see again. You could not possibly be forgotten.

We will all be forgotten.

To be forgotten is to have been loved deeply enough to grow away from and to have changed enough to become something new.

If the void calls eternal, than why not revel in the Noise And Joy of Living before it comes for us

[astradyke]

I’ve been thinking for years that our head cannon that Phil calls/called Dan ‘bear’ is probably wrong. I can’t imagine someone who had a difficult childhood and associates the nickname ‘bear’ with that time could be happy to be called that by Phil who represents love and acceptance in his ‘new’ life. The nickname is so lovely but every time I see it, it just takes me out of the story! What do you think?

hiii! okay firstly i actually can't remember if we have heard phil call dan bear in real time nowadays, i know they recently talked about how dan is bear coded in the date night stream but do you/does anyone remember if that's something we've heard them say? not that it's exactly relevant to my response but i figured i should start there!

I totally get where you're coming from and i think it's quite a complicated tricky thing! i think there are a lot of ways in which a difficult childhood could, like you describe, warp something that is inherently quite nice into a triggering thing. trauma takes a lot of collateral damage and i think it makes total sense to interpret that someone who had a thing so cemented into their childhood (like a nickname) would associate it with those traumas and as they grow up want to disavow it very strongly.

the impression i've more-so gotten, though, which is no more or less realistic than what i just described to be clear, is that "bear" is one of those cases where it almost brings comfort? sometimes there can be a certain constant in a traumatic childhood, like the bear nickname for instance, that in the context of the traumatic childhood could have a heavy weight to it. but maybe that nickname itself was kind of like a lifeboat in that time, and when one leaves that traumatic childhood and enters a "new life" as you called it, that nickname comes along to serve as a testament that either (1) maybe that childhood had some bright moments, not in a self-dismissing way but in a way that can almost self-soothe thoughts of a younger child, or (2) that despite everything, dan is still dan, and that he evolves and changes but that he's not fully estranged from his younger self, which can serve to forge a sort of self-acceptance towards his younger self by acknowledging that that was also him.

or maybe a secret third thing! i don't know. this feels speculative in a direction i don't have solid footing in, so it's really hard to say, but i think that's why i'm not bothered by the nickname bear. admittedly when i write i don't tend to use it not out of a dislike of it but because i am deeply fond of the incoherent nicknames they give each other nowadays, and i do think phil probably calls dan bitch more than he calls him bear, if he does. you know? that being said! i have seen it always as something that could be comforting to dan. because childhood trauma can make you feel very warped and very estranged from your future, and knowing that there was a bright light there-- or that you were still there, existing, in those times-- can be reassuring.

would love to know your thoughts on this! sorry i'm replying late, i wanted to yap a bit but i was exhausted by the time i saw this yesterday and didn't know how to phrase it. i'm still not excellent at phrasing it but still would love to know what you think :P