#sorry this is long and I rambled a lot and should probably edit it more

[whoisneo404]

u should write something abt the reader getting too drunk or high and being a hot mess.he’s nicks bestfriend and he confesses his feelings

More than that.

Summary: you ask Nick to pick you up from a party a few houses down his. After him helping you make your way to his home you accidentally confess your feelings.

Tw: drunk reader, cursing.

My vision is blurry, the world is spinning to fast, the music is too loud. I stumble my way out of the house into the garden, I lay on the grass floor besides a tree and look at the branches move. It looks so pretty, the wind hits my face and I get cold, I wanna go home.

I don’t even know when I grabbed my phone and I called Nick.

‘’What the fuck? It’s 2 in the morning, why are you calling?’’ Nicks voice come from the other side of the line, he wasn’t sleeping, he was probably editing a video or doing a Ru Paul’s marathon again.

‘’Come pick me up, please. I’m cold.’’ I whisper into the phone laying on the floor besides me.

‘’Shit, are you drunk?’’

‘’Yes, sorry. I need a hug.’’ I hear stumbling and keys moving.

‘’Send me your location.’’ He guides me because I can’t remember how to. We stay on call; he tells me he is on his way and I just listen to his voice while caressing and playing with the grass. I hear the call end and I see Nick standing in front of me. ‘’Come on, let’s go home.’’

‘’Can’t. grass is my new bed.’’

‘’Come on, you asked me to pick you up, don’t be a baby.’’

‘’What if I’m a baby? how do you know I’m not.’’

‘’I can see you. Come here.’’ He kneels in front of me and puts my phone in his pocket. He sits me against the tree and helps me put on the hoodie he had over his shoulder, it’s soft and it smells like him. ‘’I swear if you puke on it I will kill you.’’ I put my head against his shoulder and sigh.

‘’Won’t, promise. You are warm, I’m no longer cold.’’ I nuzzle my face into the crook of his neck.

‘’That’s good, stand up, we are going home.’’ He tries to lift me up but I don’t let him.

‘’Nooo, wanna hug you.’’ I slur out.

‘’You can hug me all you want when we get home, plus you’ll get to do it in a comfy bed.’’

‘’And your hoodie?’’

‘’And my hoodie, I won’t take it away.’’

‘’M’kay.’’ I stand up the best I can, I wrap my arms around his shoulders and we start walking, it wasn’t a long walk. The fresh air was nice, I think I’m rambling and saying non sense, but I’m not sure if I’m thinking it of just saying it. ‘’Sky’s pretty. Like you.’’

‘’Let’s go inside, you are drunk.’’

‘’We are hooome!’’

‘’Sh…’’ he puts a hand up to my mouth. ‘’everyone is sleeping, shut up.’’

‘’I’m not sleeping, you are not sleeping, not everyone eepying.’’ He rolls his eyes with a smile on his face.

‘’Lot’s of people are sleeping, so be quiet.’’ I nod and we go to his room quietly. I throw myself into the bed, cuddling with his pillows and blankets, a wave of sadness invades my body.

‘’I’m sorry.’’ He sits besides me.

‘’For what?’’

‘’I know you don’t drink and don’t like when other people drink too much around you, I know you don’t like drunk people… I’m sorry.’’ I hug his pillow against my chest and hide my face in it. He plays with my hair.

‘’I don’t mind when it’s you.’’ I lay my head on his lap and he keeps playing with my hair.

‘’Thank you. That’s why I like you so much…’’

‘’We should talk about this tomorrow….’’

‘’What if I don’t remember, will you tell me?’’ he doesn’t say a thing. ‘’You don’t like me?’’

‘’No, it’s not that. You are drunk, we should tell this when we are sober.’’

‘’I’m sorry.’’ I sit up and he hugs me.

‘’Don’t be. I’m here, it’s okay.’’ A feel a knot on my throat. ‘’I was planning on telling you soon anyways.’’

‘’So you like me back!?!’’ I look at him, wide smile on my face.

‘’SHH, yes dumbass. Let’s get you some water.’’ He stands up and I go behind him to the kitchen.

‘’How much you like me?’’

‘’We’ll talk about it tomorrow.’’

‘’This much?’’ I make put both of my hands facing each other, almost touching. ‘’Or this much?’’ I pull my hands apart a bit. ‘’Because I like you this much.’’ I open my arms completely. ‘’And a bunch more. Don’t have arms long enough.’’ He smiles looking at me.

‘’Here’s your water, drink it.’’ I grab the glass and drink all of it.

‘’But how much?’’

‘’Tomorrow crybaby. Let’s go to bed.’’ I pout at him. ‘’We will cuddle.’’

‘’Yes, awesome.’’ I scream whisper and he grabs my hand pulling me into the room. ‘’Just so you know, I like you.’’

‘’I know.’’

[scartale-an-undertale-au]

so what did i learn today? that i thought i was getting better with managing my life and work, but apparently all my issues were just buried under my extreme workholism.

i take today off to focus on a project for a course i took (regret as hell paying a fortune for it and now i know i'll never enter the field after finally getting into my latest job and realizing physical work is what i much prefer rather than computers, so long c# course.) and what is the end result?

i managed to take a shower since i had developed some scraping injuries from constant rubbing against my lower scalp from the lab coat, and behind my ears because of my glasses. it's rare to get them, but it's been dry lately and i didnt shower as usual this week so i started bleeding from them after i kept playing with them cuz they are incredibly frustrating and painful. at least they aren't visible...

anyways, after that shower i'm like... done. i'm unable to focus so i moved from the living room to my room, but even though i managed to download the proper software, i'm blank now. i'm constantly moving, constantly up from my chair, unable to keep doing what i planned to do. even eating out of boredom rather than hunger, which is why i know it's bad. my headache is also worse today and sounds are making me more distracted and pained.

i thought taking the meds for so long would help with my symptoms from anxiety and adhd, and while they help with the worst of them (haven't dissociated since i started taking them, and i haven't had a horrible anxiety attack in so long), they haven't done much for my normal level symptoms.

i just have been so fixated on work, i was able to delude myself that i'm in a much better spot, that i'm actually managing my life.

nope, turns out that taking a day off was a terrible idea. i feel so useless and worthless and well... showered. i also hate showers cuz they make me dehydrated and exhausted afterwards, so maybe i should just bore the bleeding and disgusting body until tonight rather than shower.

goodness, my head hurts. i'm gonna take combodex but all that would do is simply return my headache to its usual level... which is better than this but still not that helpful. oh, and not talking about my shoulders cramping and painful today. my joints all feel inflamed...

geez, i really should have just gone to work. this is such a wasted day, i'm way more productive at work and feel much better about myself at work... it's 16:37 and i did less than nothing today. i wanted so badly to enjoy today, but instead i'm more stressed and frustrated and on the verge of crying (edit: nevermind, i'm crying from frustration).

i know my worth is bla bla bla, but my job is one i truly love and enjoy and i truly feel like i found a reason i'm who i am. but now i feel like a useless piece of garbage.

i'm so all over the place. i only barely managed to sit long enough to write this, and i'm so exhausted.

i'm just so, so, frustrated with myself. i really thought i was doing better. i thought i was finally able to use my issues for good.

i'm... i'm just tired...

sorry for the rambling and for this huge wall of puked up words. don't even know why i'm writing and posting it... maybe i'm seeking attention, or maybe i just needed to puke those words out before i go insane...r.

dunno, but don't worry about reactions or stuff, i'm probably going to get a lot of 'kys, zionist' or 'good, suffer, israhell' or something to that extant. wouldn't be the first time. so at least i'll get the attention i need, no? *chuckle*

well, here's my first smile of the day, so i guess useful idiots are good for something

[ninyard]

Heya! I’m new to writing fanfic despite reading for more than half of my life, and I have maybe a silly question: do you get help from a beta? How does one…find that help? 😅 I have a TRC and a TFC fic I need to complete and no godly clue how to find someone to read over what I write so I don’t obsess myself into spirals on my own haha.

I don't personally! But not for any specific reason - I think if literally ANYONE turned around to me and said they would be cool with beta reading my fics I would LOVE that shit. With the amount of mistakes I miss even after half a dozen rereads, I probably should have one lol

In general what I do is just step away from things for a day or two once I think they're finished, then read through it all, and if I trip up over anything in my brain, or find anything that feels a bit too wordy/like a mouthful, I'll revise it. I hate second drafts with a PASSION but for my first draft I usually write out the whole thing, with its bare bones, and fill in the gaps later. If you get stuck on something, just move on and come back to it later. Need to describe another character but don't know what to do? Just write 'He had blue eyes and brown hair' and move on. Things like that. It's so much easier to come back to it and fix it then fixating on it and getting nowhere. (i do a lot of additions in my edits, hence how my most recent fic went from 13k words in the first draft to 18k after the edit.)

I'm one of those losers that gets inspired by reading my own writing, so stepping away from fics when you think you've spent too much time spiralling over it, to come back to it later, is a LIFESAVER. Things you thought you were stuck on will get so much clearer once your brain has had a break, once you've """forgotten""" the exact words you wrote down. Read it from the beginning like it's your first time reading it, read every word, and if something takes you out of it, then figure out why and fix it.

Most importantly try not to be too worried about numbers and other peoples' opinions. It's easy to become discouraged when you're 5 chapters into a fic and it feels like nobody is reading it or liking it, but write for yourself!

Practice makes better, because it’ll never be perfect. Just have fun, don’t take it too seriously, and write what you want to read. Make a post and tag the fandom on it asking if anyone wants to be a beta reader, or maybe ask if anyone wants to “swap” (you beta read theirs and they read yours). I don’t know though!!!! I have never ever written with a beta reader so I don’t really have any advice there:((

I'm sorry I know you didn't ask for advice and I hope this doesn’t come across as rude or anything. We all start somewhere!! Here’s snippets from a fic I wrote in 2016 vs a different one I wrote this year.

Everybody starts somewhere, I’ve been writing fics for like 12 years and I still doubt if my writing is any good. Sure, validation is nice, but you have to trust yourself (and like your own stuff!!). and if you feel worried about your writing just keep going!!!! You’ll find your style and settle into it but just trust yourself and have fun my friend!! You’ve got this<3

(This got way too long and I rambled too much I’m so sorry)

[monstersandmaw]

TLDR: New fae romance/adventure story in the works, not up anywhere yet so hold your horses, will post/link on here when it is available.

Well, after finishing Season One of my long-running werewolf romance story and thinking I’d probably take things easy on the writing front, I’ve gone and written 8k+ words in a single day and actually plotted the whole effing thing out (seriously wtf I never do that) of a female human x male fae romance story.

(sorry for being extremely boring on the genders again; I am actually working on a part two for the m/m Victorian orc story too!! @severedreamerbeard don’t look at me or I’ll explode)

The new fae story is tropey af, and has ‘childhood best friends to ‘strangers’ as adults’ (it makes more sense in context), a little angst and a little mystery, a healthy father-son relationship, a 25yr old fem protagonist and love interest instead of an 18yr old x 1000yr old fae, a ‘roadtrip’ of sorts, a coup to foil, some danger, an absolute, arrogant loveable(???) ass of an Unseelie Prince who shows up at one point, and lots of adventure and some inhuman-ish shapeshifting too. And wings. Of both feathered and draconic varieties. Just for funsies.

Who’s excited?

If you are, I’m going to post it as a WIP, chapter by chapter in its entirety on Ko-fi first, and then I’ll give it all a full edit and see where I’m at. If you’ve recently supported me on Ko-fi, you should be able to access it (I part with a percentage of each of my Ko-fi earnings to allow that to happen), and if you want to read it (when it goes up - it’s not up there yet so don’t donate now [unless you wanted to anyway]!!) then all you have to do is donate one ko-fi/’cup of tea’ and you should be able to access it.

Oof. that was a bit of a garbled ramble, I’m sorry. Lemme know if you have questions.

[alectoperdita]

do you still find posting your fics on social media stressful/anxious? ive been feeling this way for quite some time as an artist so i was wondering about your input as someone who wrote fics for a long time.

Yep. I still 1000% do. Whether it's posting the fic itself or on social media, I still feel anxious afterward. It's difficult to share something you may have spent a lot of time and love on, and wanting some validation of your effort is only human. So it can feel crushing if one of our fears is that people won't like it.

It can feel like rejection, even if only temporarily when your posting sits at 0 notes for the first hours. But once it's posted, it's out of our control. People will either see it or they won't. They'll either like it or they won't. They'll either comment on it or they won't. It can still be a tough pill to swallow.

Honestly, it's been getting harder the last year or so. Sometimes I think I should just not bother posting the link to tumblr. It's not like fics in general get all that much "engagement" on this platform.

As a result, I've had to strictly curate my social media experience. I've turned off all tumblr notifications. Because when that was turned on, I definitely knew that there was no activity on a given post because the app wasn't notifying me. Now it's just an unknown until the next time I check tumblr. Maybe there's some nice notes or tags when I do, but probably not.

It'll be what it'll be. My personal feelings not withstanding.

Another coping method of mine is to post during the work day. For me, the stressful feelings are most pronounced during the first day of sharing anything. That's the prime time for the self-doubt to creep in ("this is clunky, I should've edited more" or "this is not as interesting as I conceived"). Posting during the work day keeps me from ruminating and checking social media/my email. I distract myself with work. Then after work, I choose to do things that take me away from my computer or email for the rest of the night. I cook and play video games while listening to podcasts, or take that time to catch up on my dramas.

It gets easier the next day. Usually. Usually I ruminate less than I did the day before.

So in summary, I make a conscious effort to disconnect from social media and its mechanics of instant feedback/gratification. It works better sometimes than others. I still get in loops where I will jump into tumblr and refresh my activity tab.

Those are what work for me personally, though. I don't presume they would help you or even most people. Like I can imagine my methods sound like hell to someone with ADHD or extreme executive dysfunction.

Sorry this was rambly and personal. I don't want to offer advice without knowing your exact struggles. Making stuff isn't easy, and sharing the stuff can be just as hard or harder than the making. So I want to offer you all my sympathies and hugs.

If anyone else has figured out the secret of being chill about this shit, please share. But I suspect that'd require a major personality shift on my part. 😂

[atinytokki]

hi, i hope you've been doing well! i'm just here again to say that i'm finally up to date on all of the treasure series and the spin-offs and ugh.... you still have yet to cease to amaze me. this entire world that you've created and the depth of the details of the story still stuns me to this day. i mean you've literally thought of everything. but anyways to keep my rambling to a minimum because i could literally go on and on for forever about Treasure.... it made me come up with an idea (that you totally don't have to do if you don't want to and i totally understand that you're very busy and the last thing i want to do is pressure you or make you feel inclined to do stuff) but because of the significance and importance that location and geography holds in this story i thought it would be SOO cool if you could like draw or make a map following the world that the story takes place in? or even a post with the names of the locations and their significance? i'm trying to stay up-to-date on what's happening geographic-wise but i'm slightly failing at doing so. but i hope you're healthy and happy and i'm so excited for the updates in the future no matter when they arrive, what's most important is your well-being. <3

(p.s. don't forget to take breaks, eat, and take care of yourself! :))

🐰: AHHH OMG I don’t know when this came in but I hope it wasn’t too long ago. So thrilled to hear you’re caught up with Treasure because I have indeed been doing well— especially creatively— and have an approximately 15k word My Way chapter to dump on all you lovely Treasure readers :DD

Funny you should mention maps and geographical information because I actually do have (and have had for some time) a rough draft version of the map that I occasionally add to but I don’t trust my art skills and so haven’t posted it anywhere lol but I am looking for a good website or digital mapmaking program of some kind that I can use to get it to look like I want and then hopefully get that up to help you guys out! I know you can only take so many “they sailed southwest” “the town was north” “the river flowed east through this and that town” before losing your sense of direction lol.

However! I do have something that will absolutely help and probably entail more reading (sorry not sorry) and that is linked here. It’s my admittedly work-in-progress Treasure encyclopaedia on carrd with locations, characters, and nautical terms that appear over the course of the 13 volumes and provide a lot of helpful context about the world that accidentally grew into this massive universe :) I wasn’t going to post it yet because it’s not quite finished but I don’t want to withhold it when so much is there. Just expect a few minor edits over time and possibly some bugs (most can be solved by refreshing the page I’ve found).

Let me know if you have any more suggestions and thanks so much for your dedication and support!!! MWAH <3!

[hiddenjam]

Some help for my mom - UPDATED

Hello friends, you probably don’t know who I am since I haven’t been active here from years, and I rarely post anything, some of you even messaged me wondering if I was still alive, I'm so sorry if I ever worried anyone, I'm alive! I just don’t have time and motivation to be active these days, thanks a lot for you lovely persons who dmed me tho ♡ this and other reasons are why I regret letting my depression drown me for too long, because I’m feeling so tired right now, so lonely, but I’m also feeling desperate and helpless because I need your help. So my mom has been very sick from some time ago, but just recently, she got diagnosed with a brain tumor, and she needs a surgery urgently, like doctors gave her 2 months if we do nothing, and 1 has already passed, but the cost its high and I don't have enough money to help her.

I know I said before I was going to do commissions, but my time has been shortened since I also work long hours and taking care of my mom at the same time its really tiresome, physically and mentally, not that I complain in helping her tho. So maybe this year, hopefully I’ll make some progress with that. I'm sorry I'm rambling, I'm not very good with words, back at the matter… 

I’m feeling REALLY ashamed to be asking for help, but like I said Im feeling desperate to help my mom, I only live with her and I need her just like she needs me right now, she’s suffering a lot, and the feeling of helpless its horrible because I can’t help her like she needs to. 

So please, please, consider donate to make her surgery, she doesn’t have much time left, even if its a small donation, every cent no matter the amount its important to us, and it will help to do it as soon as possible. 

And if you can’t donate but still wants to help, then share this link to reach to others, really, anything right now its important to me, thank you for reading, and thanks a lot for your help.

Tbh I still don’t know everything about this tumor, but I shared more info and details in the fundraiser link, and even if you need a commission (I mean a drawing for a donation) you can dm me, I've never done a commission before, but I will try my best to do it, really by this point I’d do anything to help my mom. 

Thanks a lot and take care ♡ ♡ ♡ This is the donation page: https://gofund.me/347d39a2

EDIT: My mom survived the surgery with the help of everyone!! Thanks a LOT for all donations & shares! by changing the doctor we managed to give her a second chance in life 🥺 Also the tumor turned out to be benign!

Her doctor talked about her case on facebook !

SO GLAD we found him, the first doctor was charging us 22k while this doc charged us 10k (I put 3k from my saves) and it turned out all good! its amazing the improvement that my mom has shown ever since the 1st day of the surgery. And she's smiling 🥺❤️

Right now the only problem is the radiosurgery, and its another expense 😭 I dont know when this gonna end, but docs say hopefully is the last time, the probability is never 0 but she will need to be checked from time to time. In the meantime I will share the fundraiser for the radiosurgery, yeah I know, its shameless, but I really hope not to be in this position ever again after this. This time, Im no afraid of the outcome, I'm hopeful but need to be patient.

Once again, please, I need your help, I dont know If I should do another post about it, but for the moment I will just add it here in the ogpost: https://gofund.me/da136114

Once again thanks for your consideration <3

[gravitywonagain]

Hey, thank you so much for sharing Can't Cheat Death While You're Digging Your Own Grave! It came up on my timeline and I think it's fantastic!! Do you have any plans to put it on AO3? I don't want to miss out on any future updates so I was hoping you would so I can bookmark it. :D

hi!! i'm so glad you like it!!

there are plans to put it on ao3 eventually, but i tend not to post anything there until it's been through a round or eight of edits by my wife and/or myself. i post a lot of first drafts here, particularly those i use as warmups, that need a lot of work before i'm actually happy with them and i've come to think of ao3 as where things get 'published' if that makes sense? i had also been planning on not putting up unfinished works there again due to my very slow and sporadic update rate for... well pretty much everything, among other reasons.

it does seem kind of silly, though. now that i write that out. as the only thing that is different about tumblr vs ao3 is the audience and the ability to follow the progress of a fic in a more straightforward manner.....

but, with that particular fic as an example, there are three chapters now and i have no idea what the fourth will even be about, let alone when it will be posted. this means that i might want to change things in prev chapters to suit a better overall story line (which is something i'm learning how to do and struggling to reconcile with my current big long fic). but, then again, maybe not. maybe i reserve that for fics that i haven't posted here? maybe something like this fic becomes more of a 'yes, and...' type exercise, and we all just see where it goes together? i could get behind that, i think. maybe.

it would still have to go through edits. (like, that entire third ch should be in past tense based on how i set up the timeline in the first one.) and wife Does Not have time for following along with all of my wips. but maybe that would still be doable. i've posted non-wife-edited fics there before. i could do it again. add her edits when they're made, if they're made.

...

all of which is to say, YES, it will go up on ao3, but i don't know when. possibly sooner rather than later as a direct result of your question ;)

in the meantime, idk, follow the tag (#ccdwydyog), maybe? not sure how well that works. or maybe i can make a note to send you a thing whenever the next ch happens? it'll have to be a very good note, and placed particularly well, so i currently make no promises to do more that try on that one :)

sorry that got a bit more complicated and ramble-y than you were probably hoping for, but you gave me a lot to think about!

thanks for the ask, and thanks for reading my silly little fic! <3

[mytragedyperson]

OK tumblr apparently hates me because twice now I've wrote out a relatively long slightly ramble post and it's let me click post and then just not posted, and as far as I can see there not in my drafts so, instead of that post, I will be watching all the episodes of bsd 5 tomorrow and just noting down any thoughts I have, probably mostly appreciating Ranpo and making fun of Fukuchi, because that's fun to me. However there are 2 thoughts that won't leave my head and so tumblr gets to have them.

So first of all I've seen manga panels of Dazai getting shot and presumably dying, which I guess is a spoiler but has also been all over tumblr and it looked like it was on twitter too. Quite frankly, I'm not buying it, and not just because I love Dazai and am living in denial. I've already been burned by BSD in this department of being convinced a character is dead and then bringing them back. I am, of course, talking about Margaret. I thought Akutagawa had killed her and then, a season later, she was brought back, albeit in a coma, to further a plot. Also this is Dazai, if anyone could come back from being shot in to head it's him. For all that he's suicidal and has no will to live, hes really bad at dying, which is good for those of us who like Dazai and I won't complain about that. The only people that have died and stayed so far are Oda and his orphans and Rando (I only watch anime). There may be others but I can't remember them. There were a couple characters who appeared in one episode and were killed off in the episode but everyone else has simply said no to death, which I can respect. Honestly they could get his body out of the prison and have a whole like funeral/memorial scene with all of the characters mourning him and I still wouldn't be fully convinced he's dead. So maybe it is slight denial but I stand by what I said.

My second thought was that I still feel sorry for Bram stoker. I dont care what terrible things he's done, he doesn't deserve the fate he's been given. I can just imagine Fukuchi going on and on about his plan, sounding so confident since he always has turn back time as a backup plan, and he just can't escape it. He's stuck forced to listen. That's the true evil right there.

Also I have a lot of thoughts about how Fukuchi is actually not a good villain, as in I'm not intimidated by him and don't truly see him as a threat. Like his sword is a threat, moreso when he weilds it, since he makes it more effective, but the guy himself? He should be more of a threat than he is. I'll address that tomorrow as I rewatch the episodes because its a big part of my mental commentary and making fun of Fukuchi hours. He might actually be one of the worst villains in the show. I'll address that on a later date. Another thought I'll be addressing tomorrow is my theory that Fyodor is the true leader of the Decay of Angels. Like if they had to listen to one of them regarding a plan they'd listen to Fyodor over Fukuchi. They just can't be bothered with Fukuchis attempts to murder or control them with the sword. Also, bing is my search engine and when I looked up who is the leader of the decay of angels? You know to double check it was Fukuchi, it had his name but the picture next to his name was Fyodor so do with that what you will. Anyway no more thoughts head empty.

Also if anyone has asks regarding anything to do with the BSD anime, I'd be happy to answer them because thinking about/discussing BSD is fun and I do have opinions on a lot of things

edit: change of plans. while i do still plan to do this it's gonna take a little longer. I have a blog, not a tumblr one, though, that I basically never use, so I'm gonna use that to note down any thoughts, opinions and just things in general that I feel like noting down. After I've done that, I'll share it here. Again, asks will be open and this will probably take me a while so, if anyone wants to discuss the BSD anime, feel free to send asks or messages or comment or whatever

[lilyrealm]

LETS TALK ABT THE AGESWAP AU BECAUSE IM. IM Bored and think its fun! disclaimer: this is very long and VERY messy because i just rambled and typed whatever appeared in my head, so some characters metas are in different parts of the post. i plan to neaten everything up somewhere else eventually so uh... yes. i also took the liberty of bolding the first mention of characters in their parts so its easier to find a specific char...? honestly its so hard to see on pc but i know that on mobile its a lot more obvious (mobile edit: so that was a fucking lie. i think its bc i see all those imagines blogs do it but they also colour the bolded words differently so its more obvious. oh well

so i call it ageswap because the initial concept stemmed from all the sibling pairs. klee albedo, jean barb, ayato ayaka, you get it. just... wouldnt it be cool to imagine... older sister klee, still very bomb-happy, and a baby bedo who somehow still has to make sure klee doesnt bomb all of mondstadt. though i would hope that now shes older shes a bit more sensible, but shes not human so i dont even know what age she should be. is albedo 500? (also imagine klee making bombs with baby amber. thats a role model)

anyway. i am assuming jean and barbs parents took 1 child each due to age (older -> knights) which means itd be knight barb deaconess jean. although, are they really fit for their jobs? sure you can def make a case for "theyre brought up differently" but thats not the point of this au. anyway i think neither of them would advance far in their field (well jean might but not as a deaconess) barbara wont have the kind of drive to be acting grand master (im not saying shes not like, determined or a hard worker, but she might not be as strict as she should be, perhaps. its hc land ok if she were acting grand master itd just be a roleswap) and jean isnt much about singing, she'd probably hold a high position within the church is all. itd be fun if she found kid!rosaria and adopted her into the church. though itd ALSO be fun if barbara found her instead, she'd be sooo warm... imagine mini knight rosaria lol.

jumping to inazuma for a while, it would also be interesting to see the kamisatos swapped... ayaka would probably have less of a princess image if she has to lead the clan. more girlbossy though there might still be hidden passion and desire to be normal, just a different flavour. and lol princely ayato i hope everyone buys him boba or something. what if he (sorry if this isnt accurate please dont flay me alive) brings back thoma from ritou island like oneesan can we adopt him and ayakas like we're fucking brok (i joke she probably wouldnt say that. would she?)

anyway moving on. this is less like ageswap and more like roleswap im realising, cuz i was thinking abt what if xiao and ganyu swapped ages/birth eras. the problem is i dont know whether ganyu should just take xiaos place in the whole trapped by some demon and zhongli rescues her thing. but no matter what the roleswap here means shes the vigilant yaksha... wouldnt that be quite the look.

baby xiao

ok ill be serious. this means baby xiao was brought up by cloud retainer LO

i cant take this seriously. should xiao be the half-qilin. please. i need to see this. outfit swap, make a new outfit, whatever, i just think itd be funny to see characters with a completely diff aesthetic and temperament. (this also counts for genderswaps in stories where gender roles exist, which is nearly all of them unless youre making your own society...)

so moving on—haha imagine cloud retainer going "let me tell u abt when xiao was a kid" and xiaos like NO PLS—woah what was that. actually would you age/roleswap venti and zhongli or zhongli and xianyun. this is more ageswap than roleswap i think so its probably xianyunWHICH ACCIDENTALLY JUST MAKES HIM XIAOS DAD AGAIN though the dynamic should be different...? but no if i want zhongli to act like xianyun thats a role/personalityswap isnt it. im supposed to think what if xianyun was born in zhonglis time (oh god would she even be the geo archon? realistically probably not but if we dont want to veer too wildly off course... no wait maybe she can still be liyues archon but the element just isnt geo. she must be... another element or a new one... we'll get back to this. we'll just say she was an archon, saved ganyu, etc i think shed be much less flippant with all those years and wars under her belt. though to be fair zhongli can also be stupid funny sometimes but 😭 how am i supposed to write my lil hcs if theyre not a little ooc[shot]

so anyway. i went on a tangent. the next pair i wanted to talk about is shenhe and chongyun. just... yk part of this is just to see chars with diff vibes and fits, im unsure how different in personality theyd be here (as in theyd act the way the other acts in canon) though i guess thats a nature nurture question. but which parts of a person arent nature... okay wait. so. this is ageswap not roleswap, which means they must each retain their special thing: chongyuns yang and shenhes... er... murderous vibe (yk i actually have a crack pairing of her with signora bc theyre both fiery dangerous women tempered by their cryo BUT IM GETTING OFF TOPIC.) and this is ageswap so they should be born in the same places...

wait... so xiao and ganyus birth circumstances wouldnt change. but would it make sense for xiaos captor to be alive during the cataclysm or was he one of the smaller gods morax killed before the archon war. we'll say yes so we dont have to scrap everything. ganyu is still half-qilin thought im unsure if shed be a yaksha, its not exactly her nature (because of the qilin part ive heard). during this time liyue was still interacting with the adepti right, so maybe shes alr been working among humans lol

so xiao... would probably be rescued close to before the cataclysm... he could train to help them there (i think ganyu helped too) but he probably wouldnt be part of the five yakshas. maybe just a normal yaksha like that guy we built a temple for. or he could die no, realism brain, stop ruining the hcs. but yea hed have way less angst abt the five(now four) since he didnt really know them, probably. (what if they babysat him) but maybe he'll feel some inferiority like templeguy (im so sorry dude let me google—pervases thats right) im not gonna lie, a lot of xiao ganyu ageswap concept comes from how ganyu is very intimidated to be taught by xiao in her story quest and hes just like this is just what we do.

younger xiao might also be less affected by karma, so who knows what his temperament might be like?

okay baaaack to shenhe and chongyun. shenhes past probably plays out the exact s—hold on i havent resolved (in my mind) the xianyun zhongli ageswap. or less of a specific char ageswap but more swap this persons age to the opposite (young/old). but zhongli has to be part of the archon war?? would xianyun even step up to be archon!? maybe i just want to see someone swap venti and zhonglis fits. the short and the tall yk. so... er...... ok fine such a drastic change means xianyun might just bWait what if guili was the liyue archon. they said she was "too soft" but if there isnt zhongli around... (but xianyun was alive for that so unless i want to make zhongli born after the cataclysm in which case i have literally no idea where hed even come from or go) but he was already archon then so we have to imagine xianyun as the

we'll just pretend their ageswaps also led to a roleswap okay. i cant do this. so shenhes backstory would be the same except zhongli raises her? huh.......... i have no fucking clue how a kid raised by zhongli would act. but anyway the whole point of this is just so young shenhe can meet adult chongyun and chongyun is like wtf is this KID doing out here!? and then she punches a geovishap in the face and hes like wh. and also finds out shes his "niece" waittt what if he feels kind of respnsible for her 🥺 and wants to adopt her or smth 😭 thats such an interesting dynamic change. oh and xingqius there. i guess he should have a younger bro instead now, but idk how that would change him much. if xingqiu is head of the family he might not have time for his novel pursuits tho... just an old dream he never got to fulfill :(

theres... a lot more adults than children in this game and making all of them kids would just mean their usual positions (ningguang, keqing, yelan etc) are taken up by some random adult, we dont have 1 to 1 pair like some of the previous ones... hay wouldnt it be cute if ningguang and beidou were teenage sweethearts and just went on dates. wed get to see that. aww. sorry to ganyu keqing fans suddenly it became age gap (well it was already age gap but the more acceptable kind...)

ohhh right now i remember. i think i originally wanted to ageswap hu tao and zhongli. but again teen zhongli would complicate things SO much. adult hu tao would presumably be more serious about things... or less... it could go either way honestly. i guess the most we can aim for is that zhongli has a teen body like venti and gets adopted by hu tao but she actually treats him like a proper adult/employee vs everyone else? that could be something.

ermmmm. what else, who else. jumping straight to fontaine for a bit, freminet being the older bro to lyney and lynette would be really cute... hed definitely have to lose some of his shyness but hed probably still be kind of an introvert, but his lil siblings are just full of energy and he loves them. awuuuuuu

uh. kid childe and adult teucer? getting stuck in the abyss for months really changes you though so this one doesnt really count, we honestly dont know if teucer would end up just like childe lmao. so scratch that. hmm... collei and tighnari? no, but how does the manga plot go if shes an adult and cyno also should be a kid/teen here (i mean obviously thered be another general mahamatra but. well itd just be a guy we dont know) ok i also dont know enough about the manga so we will also scratch that. just look at cute fanart where baby cyno plays cards with baby tighnari or smth, i bet that exists. with babysitter collei looking over tuem or something. that has to exist.

hold on. hold on. i was gonna talk abt rukkha and nahida but what if... ei scara ageswap. ooooh that changes way too many things. no yeah its impossible if we want to keep them in their original roles. we have to roleswap them for it to work and even then im not sure because the whole thing was at birth scara was too soft so he might not be makotos body double? i mean yeah he can do anything... we'll say he did and hes now shogun and actually nvm i cant think of anything new hed do, itd just be a repeat of eis actions cuz theres no plot otherwise. just. its just an outfitswap or genderswap at this point.

so that was a fail. are there any more interesting pairs to ageswap or even an individual whod be different as a AHHH QIQI AND BAIZHU!! wait no. theyre literally born in diff eras. unless its just... adult zombie qiqi and aspiring doctor baizhu this is not interesting at all. considering qiqis whole appeal is little zombie girl being more cute than scary. BUT ID LOVE TO SEE THE ART! what would an adult qiqi look like... i guess you can really go any way if she isnt a zombie in art, like wtf would she wear, its just up to each artist.

im dying i dont think—i forgot to talk about rukkha and nahida. but im now realising this also amounts to a roleswap just like ei and scara cuz one exists because of the other. or just... the appearance of baby 草神 dying and the new archon the sages find is a fucking adult woman. theyd probably still lock her up tho since by circumstance she should be the same as nahida in that moment where she doesnt know anything. theres a dark thought here but it could also happen in canon if genshin really wanted to go dark (which they wouldnt ofc). actually idk how much nahida knew when she woke up she mightve mentioned it but i forgor.

WAIT WAIT WAIT IM LOOKING AT MY OLD TWITTER THREAD AND I FORGOT THIS CUTE DETAIL WHICH IS. yk how theres art of kaeya being an older brother to klee. imagine older sis klee taking care of kaeya because she knows he feels out of place as a foreigner... double that with part-chinese amber and albedo being albedo and klee suddenly has a diaspora daycare(???) is bennett being part-natlan canon. but hed be an adult in this au. gruff older bennett who becomes another adventurers guild dad awww. i think hed have a nice mustache beard combo. also adult fischl... im thinking she writes novels and she hits it big, maybe. or not? idk, who knows.

is there anything else... (opens character list on the wiki) fatui... i have no idea how to ageswap them, theyd just stop being important the plot dskfjhskf?? and the adult fatui have to be replaced with other ppl so, not ideal.

oh there is more on the twitter thread... about... oh yeah lmao. diona and diluc. diona taking over the wine industry without a competitor lmaooo (depends on crepus' survival but i dont think thats dependent on kaeya and diluc's ageswap soooo. dead dad! kaeya is older but its not a big deal i think they dont have a big difference in age right?) it becomes like some sort of rivalry with venti bcuz ofc venti is nawt gonna stand for wine being driven out of mondstadt!! what the hell would he even do tho. ADOPT HIMSELF INTO DILUCS FAMILY LOL? but also, i dont know if diona will accomplish anything even without diluc competing with her, because the whole point is she makes good drinks. unless as an older woman shes kind of figured out the thing so... she just wouldnt... make drinks. or come up with some psychological battle like the drinks are nice but the atmosphere is bad or you get really unlucky and mobbed or something ok maybe thats a bit much idk. rip diona she can never catch a break!

oh wait adult sayu........ er.............. i guess it wouldnt be sayu if she werent still a sleepy slacking ninja but she kind of doesnt have the "grow tall" excuse anymore. but maybe shes more like a "can slack on the job but still gets it done perfectly" kinda archetype.

i could do something crazy by having yae be born in this era and tease the closed-off princely ayato and the ayato yae shippers can feast on it or something. idk i dont ship it but considering their whole appeal is both of them being sly/tricksy... it would be kinda cute to see that on kids/teens. wait but ayato being like that was bc he was the older brother and had to deal w the politics... here ayaka is doing it. (how er patriarchal is inaz girl nvm their leader is a woman what am i thinking. well not in this timeline. lol wait) if they still got some gender roles (probably since its based on real life culture... we live in a society) then maybe ayaka cant be as girlbossy as she wants. oh, to get things in high places... maybe people dont take her seriously as a woman... so she has to... ohh........ this sucks man :( k but what does this have to do with ayato. what would he be like. sheltered from it or knowledgeable? i think he would probably know. oh god hes the looks princely archetype but actually a fucking bitch behind closed doors. and not canon kind of "hes willing to play dirty to get things done" but like actually awful. yeah i can totally see that. but yae is like totally unfazed and laughs in his face. WHY am i writing yaeyato fanfic in my au ramblings ive never even thought of this ship before??????? (bc i dont really care about ayato sorr

ok thats it YAHOO!!!!

[americanrecord]

hi kelsey! it's nice to see you back!

just had a few writing questions for you as i am really looking to writing as a future career option/aspiration. i've been writing fanfiction for the past few years almost consistently - a lot of one shots and long series written - and writing is quite honestly the love of my life. i almost always look forward to sitting down at my computer with a coffee and lana del rey and pick up where i left my story off, or planning characters and settings and plot lines. i love most of what comes with creating stories.

quite honestly, i have faith in my writing ability. it's not something i usually question but what i do question is how manageable is writing as a career? how do you get your books published? do some never get published? there are so many anxieties and worries going into something like becoming an author and it's one of the things that really makes me feel i should choose a more "realistic" career option. i'd love to write on the side! but i feel like when i pick the "realistic" option there might not be enough time for me to pursue it as a career.

sorry if i'm rambling, it's just something i'm curious about as you're obviously hoping to get your book published (and i have every faith that you will). sorry if this comes off as rude too - it wasn't intentional :)

hi, bestie! it's nice to be back!! sorry, that whole getting a job thing and actually having to go every day and for all 8 hours is a real killer. i've also been busy getting draft 3 in order! so if i'm ever dead for a long period of time, either my life has blown up or i'm deep in writing/editing something. this past time was both!

anyway, writing questions, yay! first, i think it's great that you're looking at it like a future career choice/option! you should always keep as an option even if necessity has other plans. it's so nice to hear that you've found a genuine love for it, too. as somebody who used to write a lot of fanfiction, it's still real writing, and it's an amazing place for many writers to get their start. (truthfully, if more writers started out on ao3/wattpad, we might not see booktok so infested, but that's another topic) i also know that the fanfic territory comes with a lot of struggles, either people being demanding, judgmental, inconsiderate, and or just plain un-encouraging in their silence despite their consumption, so i love to hear that it's a source of immense happiness for you. i hope it stays that way, if and when you transition to original work, if that's the type of writing you're looking to pursue!! (i can certifiably say that while the writing, drafting, and editing process is tedious, particularly in the case of the latter two, i am having so much more fun.)

i also love to hear that you have faith in yourself! more of that! but i will say that being an author is really not a career you can simply elect. take it from me, if anybody could be an author, with any level of skill or effort, i would be an author. many more people would be authors. to be a career author (in the sense that you don't need to have any other jobs to support yourself), you have to have books successfully published, and—in most cases, a good few of them. it's pretty rare for an author to become a mega-millionaire (at all), but especially based off a debut novel. again, take everything i say with a grain of salt because i quite literally am not an author, but i would never advise any aspiring author to quit their job until they are racking in the amount of money that would allow them to write unsupported.

1.) how manageable is a writing career?

depends. this is strictly speaking in regards to a novel-writing career, by the way, because there are many writing jobs on the market that quite literally pay you for your writing. probably not enough, but...still. no publishing industry, just freelance/assigned topics and vibes. on novel-writing: i'm not published, i have no money, so i work as a paralegal. that takes up all my days, monday to friday, 9-5 (7-6), so my writing time comes from 6-11 on weeknights and then i maximize my weekends. some would say that's not manageable for a writing career, and...well, it's technically not, but it is what it is. the hard truth is that most aspiring authors have to squeeze writing time between shifts, late at night, early in the morning, onto sticky notes at work, on weekends, on time off, during holidays, etc. what is required for an author to have an authoring career would be not working or working perhaps part-time and having a living arrangement where there is somebody directly supporting you financially. be that a parent, a sibling, a spouse/significant other, a really faithful friend, whatever. that is the ideal. that, however, is not an obtainable reality for many, so day jobs it is. finding time in the in-between is your best bet. for me, i make the best of it!! it's still time, and it's so much more than nothing if you use it. it's not the most encouraging thing, maybe, yes, but it's reality, and as soon as that dreadful spoonful goes down, the easier it is to pick up, reshuffle, and find a pattern/writing habits that work for you. say you write an amazing novel in those small spaces and get it published, yielding yourself a little success, then things can change. doors might open, time might free up, and you could find yourself in the middle of lots of writing time!! think of that not as an impossibility but something to work toward. many, many authors out there, even ones with name recognition, still can't afford to quit their day jobs, because books aren't always highly profitable, NYT bestsellers, even if they do well. that doesn't mean they aren't authors, it doesn't mean they can't juggle a writing career (and consider whatever else they do the side hustle), or that they won't keep writing publishable novels in their downtime. it sucks, but as i tell myself: it's life. (as long as i live in capitalist hell)

2.) how do you get your books published?

i'll let you know when it happens to me! but also, jokes aside, it's a long, long, longgggg process. the writing, drafting, and editing processes, plus the feedback cycles, are only like the first half of the journey. so you finished a manuscript, yay! it's shiny, and perfect, and at the appropriate length, and—nobody wants it. publishing a book, traditionally (as in through a publishing house, not through self-publishing, which anybody can do), has as much to do with skill as it does with luck. you sent your book off to a literary agent at the exact right time it was the type of book they were looking for and/or it was what the market was demanding. for example, though i fear the market is becoming oversaturated, what is huge right now is romantasy (romance x fantasy). many a writer are polishing up their dragon and sex books rn and sending them in and likely receiving agents because readers are devouring those voraciously. it might not even be good, it might not be as great as *yours*, but it's what the market wants, and it'll be what the market gets.

and publishing is a whole iceberg of things, but the basics of it (granted, i don't know what happens behind closed doors because i'm only just compiling the stuff i need to start sending things out. i'll no doubt be running suicide blonde through another round of edits/cuts before it goes anywhere) are that you take your manuscript and your publishing materials and send them off to agents. publishing materials, which can be researched independently because real writing instructors will break them down better than me, typically include a query letter (basically, 5 second synopsis on ur book, the word count, genre, intended audience, etc, meant to bait an agent), a synopsis (slightly longer explanation of your book and it's major plot points, including a spoiled ending), and the amount of your manuscript they're interested in reading in their first pass. i was talking about this yesterday, i believe, but they'll usually ask you to paste anything from the first 5–25 pages (i haven't seen anything more extensive than the first three chapters) of your manuscript into the email body. the agent who receives your email will then read your query letter, synopsis, and manuscript sample (sometimes, they just ask for the letter, sometimes a varying combo of things) and, if they like your stuff, they'll request the full manuscript. then, if they like that, they'll offer you representation. if they don't, you'll get a rejection. (but still promising, because your materials interested them. either there ended up being a weakness in the manuscript or it just wasn't what they were looking for.) if you never hear back about asking for a full manuscript, it's safe to say its a silent rejection. you'll usually never hear back from an agent unless they're interested. and you can find agents on online databases. there, they'll say what types of manuscripts they're looking for. never send your fantasy book to a guy looking for nonfiction unless u want an automatic negative. and, usually, don't send your stuff to more than one agent from a company at a time. and never ever send anything in that they didn't ask for. if they wanted just a query letter and five pages, do not send them a query, 2-page synopsis, and the first three chapters because "my story doesn't get good until then." you'll get an automatic rejection and the question from many authors that, if your book doesn't get good until page 24, why you didn't start your book as of page 24.

but, say you do get an offer and all those logistics sorted out, it's the agent who is then responsible for taking your manuscript to various publishing houses and trying to find the best deal possible for your novel. many agents are career-long partners and most agents, if not all, want to secure the best deal for you, because if you don't get paid, they don't get paid. they will never see a dime for your work until you do. everything else is a little hazy for me because i haven't gotten there yet, but once things get picked up by a publisher and contracts are signed, books go through edits, design, production, etc, all so it will end up on a little bookshelf and hopefully in some happy reader's hands.

3.) do some never get published?

absolutely. yep! never. some books never get an agent (and agents are typically needed if you want to get anywhere, especially the big 5 american/NY publishing houses) and therefore will never get the chance for traditional publication. and some get picked up, but die somewhere in the process, and never make it to publication. that's why it's important (and i'm in the middle of breaking these rules, so i will be panicking about suicide blonde later, partially why i'm interested in writing a shorter standalone novel rn) to sort of write a novel, particularly debut/first novels that apply to the standards of the genre. for example, if you have a straight up, trope-driven romance, it MUST categorically have a happy ending and should probably fall within 70-90k. when you're an established career author, you have soooo much more flexibility to be like, fuck that, here's my 115k romance, but...that's a pro of having sway. by that time, you've demonstrated to publishers that you can sell a book, so they're much more likely to allow you to depart from genre/publishing conventions.

but, yes, some never get published. or, or, not right away. for example, people might have written four books before one ends up getting picked up. those other three dormant ones are referred to as trunked novels. often times, publishers like the idea of trunked novels, as it shows that you're not a one-trick pony who can only write this singular story. and, often times, a writer can publish that fourth book and then pull out those other three novels, re-examine them, and possibly publish them. for many authors, their debut novel that the world sees is often not the first book they wrote.

so there are a lot of anxieties, and i understand them all. legitimately, i do. that is why i would advise that, unless you are wealthy or have somebody willing and able to support you while you pursue your novel-writing career full-time, that you should always pursue another career to bring in money to support you while you write. it doesn't mean go to law school (unless that's your jam) and be a lawyer and never write again because at least you'll be guaranteed to bring home the big bucks, it just means find something you like enough to fill your days and pay your bills and use your free time to devote to your true passion until hopeful publication happens and your circumstances witness potential changes. tiktok/booktok, as much as i bash it, has also opened up a lot of opportunity for self-published work and writers too, so that is always an option and one that absolutely shouldn't be frowned upon. the trad publishing industry is known for being oversaturated with white, straight, cis writers as it is, so many POC, LGBT+ writers often have to take routes like self-publishing. it's not a bad thing, it's not a sign that you're a lower quality writer, and it does give you complete creative control over your own novel (i just recommend forking up enough to pay for a thorough, professional edit and get good at marketing yourself.)

i would never call writing/authoring a silly/unrealistic dream, it's just one that's not immediately available for many people and one that needs to be worked toward. so while you may need to push it to the side, it doesn't mean it's not there. like i said, scores and scores of writers wrote phenomenal books in their brief, squeezed moments of downtime. i've picked a full-time job, i have no other choice, and yet i make time to write because i love and prioritize it. things like children and other commitments might compromise this, but it's not something i contend with, so it's worth keeping in mind! use the free time while you have it and see what happens. even if i never get published, i'll never stop writing simply because i love it so much. if i die with a trunk of novels, then i die with a trunk of novels, but it's a sign i did with my life what made me happy, even if not successful.

so i rambled and am too lazy to go back to check for typos, so hopefully this was helpful and transparent and helped demystify things a bit! thanks for the encouragement and faith too!! please know that i go through moments of crisis and hopelessness literally every day, but i will persevere, and so will you !! (and u did not come off rudely at all, and if you have more questions, i'm always here <3)

[bvannn]

Weekly Update February 16, 2024

I’ve been mostly okay this week except Thursday and I also haven’t been sleeping well. I assume I’m basically equilibrated on the medicine I guess thursdays are just gonna suck for a while, oh well. I got stuff done this week. I’m a bit tired from lack of sleep so sorry if I ramble.

Music: today I just went and recorded a bunch of stuff on the fancy practice room pianos with the petals. Not everything I need for current projects but the way I’m looking at it for now: the fancy keyboards have 2 advantages over my Casio: damper petals and dynamics (they have quiet petals too but it doesn’t look like midi files record that). I don’t know how many VSTs I have that even utilize dynamics, I assume most of the pianos do though, and obviously damper petals are important for piano as well to get that extra reverb. But for other instruments, not as important. So I can use my Casio for most of what I do, which is great because I don’t have to walk through a giant snowstorm to get to it. Problem is a couple of the songs I’ve been focusing on have been character themes for OCs, Romeo and Shaun specifically. The two piano players. So the songs use a lot of piano.

As for the songs themselves, I’m making reasonable progress. The main ones I’m working on are (1) character theme for Romeo, ambient, (2) an EDM type vocal song that is basically done except for the lyrics and vocals, (3) a symphonic rock vocal song that is basically done except for the lyrics and vocals (and maybe I might redo a verse melody but that’ll take like, 10 minutes), (4) character theme for Shaun, low priority because I’ve had to basically scrap and redo it from the ground up because it sounded like shit, (5) song of storms medley that I have everything recorded for basically I just need to plan out instruments and get the other parts separated, which really shouldn’t be hard at all idk why I’m procrastinating, and (6) video game retro boss fight style song that I have written down a plan for and have a melody idea in my head but all I’ve actually made so far is a drum and bass line. I got a couple other ideas and Melodies I’m holding onto but I want to finish some of these first. If I get another burst of recording energy I’ll try for that boss fight theme tonight but that’s unlikely. Next steps will probably be finishing up Romeo’s theme by tempo fixing the recordings I did today, and plugging them in to the master edit, if I need to add more instruments I can but I already have like 13 layers in that file (mostly ambiance and percussion) so I’m hoping I can make do with what’s already there. Then next priority should be taking another stab at lyric writing or practicing with vocaloid again.

General drawings, a couple OC drawings done this week, I’d like to do more but I just haven’t had time. Comic thumbnailing is going pretty well though, I’m at 18 pages. I’m aiming for 32 total, but because my initial writeout had me going over, I’ve been trying to keep the page count low here. If it’s too low, I can add back in some more dialogue conversations, since again, more character interactions and ghost exposition would probably be appreciated by readers, but not justified enough to excuse extra pages. But if there’s extra pages, why not add it back in? Well, it might break pacing but as long as I watch that it shouldn’t be a problem. Whatever.

Also been playing a bit with other stories I’ve had as lower priorities. Obviously Backstage is the next most fleshed out story after the O’Malley Foster Home, and I’ve been thinking through plot and character stuff for that, but also some other stories that are so underdeveloped they don’t even have central themes yet. Once I get central themes, they’ll basically write themselves, but until then I need to focus on individual character conflicts until I can find common ground between them, and it becomes the theme. What that culminates to is rotating characters in my head and trying to imagine dynamics with them until eventually something will click. If I get anything I’ll draw it, but I want to try to put more thought into that, since I think some of my insomnia is just me running out of sheep to count, so I need to find more things to ponder, and I think that’ll be a good one.

Still no animation anything but with Romeo’s theme so close to completion I’ll probably throw together a small animation of him playing the piano or something. I don’t mention it much but the majority of the OCs I post are musicians in some capacity. Mikey, Jack, and Thomas are all guitarists, Shaun and Romeo play piano, Emrys is a drummer, and Josh sings. Animating that could be fun, but it’d probably get repetitive after a while. I’m kinda poking at other animation softwares too, since I kinda want to give animating in clip studio another shot, plus I have certain characters meant to be really visually different from others, so I’m considering trying Blender for a cutout style animation or something. Plus the more I think about it, the more certain I am that I’ll have to animate more flowy stuff like long dresses or ghost tails in after effects instead of flash. Annoying but I can learn, I can always learn.

Final tiny note keep getting on and off pushes in motivation for the anime campaign game I’m preparing, still not sure if I’ll try to find players in person only or online or a mix. But I have some art for it on the side I’m working on, as if the epithet 52 isn’t enough epithet erased style art. It’s fine I’ll hopefully take a break and do more OC art again soon.

Next week looks to have a absolute ton of homework so good chance I’ll be unproductive, although every time I say that I find a way so who’s to say. I’m hoping I’ll be okay medically too, since I mostly was this week and today (except this morning when I woke up early from a nightmare, but that was before I took my medicine so it doesn’t count). My bigger condition also flaring up on and off this week too but I’m already doing everything I can about that so it’s fine. I thought last week that a consult for the next surgery got cancelled, but turns out it was a miscommunication and I’m actually still fine, so that’s a relief. This next week I’ll do what I can, hopefully finish a song, and get a couple more drawings done.

[littlest-bugz]

intro post

welcome to my blog!!!

My name is BUGZ! I'm a bodily 21 y/o Queer DID system! My pronouns are they/he/she, but I prefer masc or neutral terms :]

This blog serves as my main hub for everything I do- art, writing, memes, fandom stuff and more! This blog is really a collection of a bunch of random posts, and for that reason, it's really cluttered! I also will post about DID and CDD adjacent posts!!!

get to know me more below the cut!

[byf also below cut]

before you follow. . .

Our account may not be fully SFW, but we never reblog or post pornographic material. I have a bad swearing problem, and due to my trauma, I have a hard time telling what is socially acceptable in regards for entirely being SFW. It's something I'm working on actively! The most explicit posts you will see are likely surrounding drugs and addiction. I prefer minors do not interact personally, but liking and reblogging is okay!

I do not engage in any sort of discourse. I seriously cannot be bothered, and it's mostly chronically online anyways [sorry, not sorry]. If you really need labels to feel comfortable, I am anti-misinfo and anti-harassment. Anyone is allowed on my blog as long as you don't promote misinfo, harass others, partake in ANY form of bigotry, and are not a gross person [subjective to me].

Following that; I block very liberally! This is the reason I removed my DNI, actually. If I notice you're partaking in spreading misinfo, bigotry, spam me, or anything I just don't like, you go straight to the block chamber! I curate my space for me! Not to mention my DNI didn't work entirely anyways so I said fuck it.

BPD/NPD/HPD/ASPD havers are all welcome on our blog! If u believe in [any disorder] abuse, leave!!

WE ARE PRO-EDUCATED SELF DIAGNOSIS!!!

about us !

As I stated before, I'm a DID system! I state this pretty openly due to the fact it affects every aspect of my daily life- even my posting! PLUS I talk about my system a decent amount. I also am Autistic and have ADHD :] For obvious reasons, those also affect my daily life.

You can find our frequent fronters under the About section on our website!!

In terms of my queer Identity. . . We collectively identify as transmasc, bigender, panalterous, omni oriented aroaceflux, and ambiamorous! This is an agreed upon identity the entirety of The Crew and Co. and is essentially for the body itself! Names, pronouns, genders and sexualities all vary from alter to alter individually.

On our page, you will find. . .

Lots of reblogs on random topics and hyperfixations

System Content [Mostly Text Posts and half-baked, lazy memes]

Rambling and Yapping

Cat posts

Talk about worldbuilding, ocs, drawing and writing

. . . and more!

i have a sideblog!

Wow, I never had thought I would have more than one blog, but I DO. Here's my sideblog :

@sum-silly-bugz -We make Weirdcore and Dreamcore edits!! you can find all of those here

. . . and probably more to come!

tags!

#important - important posts to us!

#the bugz speak - my original posts,,, may not be very original tho LOL

#reblog time - My reblog tag!! Everything that gets reblogged should be under this, but I don't always remember.

#you asked we answered - My ask tag! Feel free to send in asks at anytime

#original userboxes/layouts/flags/ect - All of our original content divided into specifics! [ note: they are not all lumped together like that, just putting them all together for the sake of space, you can find most of them tagged in this post ]

#system posting - Our experiences on system hood as well as reblogs and other stuff! Was formerly 'system stuff', and I am notorious for not using this tag

#lps posting - I am/was an avid lps collector!! I reblog fanart and post original content [sometimes,,, but usually text posts]

#cat posting - I reblog a lot of cat pictures and art!! cats r a huge comfort for me

#bunny posting - Same reasoning as cats tbh!!

#writer posting - where I post all my writing content, such as memes,,, mainly memes, but also resources and ect

#art posting - where I put all my art text posts, especially memes, but also just general art we make

#vent posting - vent posts

#the hoard - I hoard and collect deco. If the links don't work for some reason, just click this tag

#sorry for yearning on main - sorry for yearning on main

more tba . . .

links!

deco collection - A hoard of all our deco, which includes stamps, blinkies and userboxes WARNING; FLASHING IMAGES, BRIGHT COLORS, AND MORE! PROCEED WITH CAUTION

our website - has our frequent fronters, digital diary, art and comms, and more! It is still a WIP but it's to a point where I am comfortable sharing :]

art comms website - two of our hosts are artists and take comms- this is their site! comms are currently open, alwyas including the funky chibi heads

my ko-fi - consider donating to the cause of... me! I'm disabled, unemployed and going thru surgeries. If you like any of my original content and feel inclined to, drop a dollar or two here!

[10dance]

Ahhhhhhhh!!!!! Sorry I had to scream, I still can't believe that the new chapter is finally here...

First off, this is a gorgeous cover. Both of them looking at each other and not wearing clothes... the shoujo petals, Suzuki's mole being heart-shaped..! you two should kiss!! Inoue must've been thinking that we've been very deprived and decided to gift us this cover page.

Anyway, we got a pretty long chapter update (18 pages and a loooot of dialogue) this time, starting with Max's lecture (?) on Sugiki and telling him he should ask for help. This just makes me even more curious as to what happened after Sugiki froze on the dancefloor... It made me so sad when Sugiki said he mostly had kind onlookers ;-;. He didn't say it like it was a bad thing either, just kind of matter-of-fact, like he knows he'd have to help himself as he's always done, I suppose.

Also, I absolutely love Inoue's panelling choices and all the little motions she adds in as the conversation continues. It makes it a lot more interesting to read and it's great! (Might have influenced my own writing, since I'm realizing that I do that as well, haha). There's like, two shots with Max prominently showing his bare foot which I'm not sure was necessary... Inoue has some explaining to do..?

Then they have a wholesome moment in which Sugiki genuinely thanks Max. I still don't like the man much, but since he did help Sugiki (in his own twisted way) when no one else could see that he needed a distraction more than work, I'll be lenient on him for now. And he also listens to Sugiki rambling about his angsty feelings for Suzuki, what a good (?) friend. It pained me a little when Sugiki questioned if his own feelings were really love like Suzuki concluded all those months ago (for us it was years!). He must've given it a lot of thought too but we've just never gotten to hear it. I really want another discussion between the Shinyas to resolve this. And I like that Sugiki is still confused over Suzuki's kneeling like we are. Maybe Suzuki will explain to him, but we'll have to see next month.

I really liked what Max said about being of help to your loved one, would've never imagined him saying that, though, lol. In his case, letting go of his lover was the right thing to do. I'm wondering what that implies (or doesn't) in Sugiki's case. Sugiki has always wanted to help Suzuki career-wise, and I don't think that has changed. So what could he be doing to help him even more?

And about Max's lover, he was already kind of in another relationship that was the main pairing in the Gloria stories, and he never showed much interest in Max so it was never a competition haha. It's funny but also a little sad to know that he still hasn't forgotten that man. I wonder what he thought of as he watched Sugiki get dressed (beautiful view mmm... he was shimmering...), but it's probably not going to be revealed any time soon, sigh.

Now that the sad talk is over, Sugiki innocently suggests that the man Max was talking about is Norman, and I love Max's reactions! For once, he's not the man on top and he's super flabbergasted to a cartoonish point. Seems like Norman is his weak spot... I suggested in the server that their ship name can be Edwards because it's similar to the Shinyas. Their back and forth with a visibly stressed Max and a deadpan Sugiki was so entertaining, I can watch them all day! I wonder why Max got so embarrassed; he could've just brushed it off coolly and Sugiki would have no reason to press on, but instead he gave us Tsun Max. Is this when he realizes he might have A Thing for Norman?

Sugiki catching him by saying "so you used your time and money all to get to know Norman better?" and Max agreeing got me laughing. This is the least he could do for all the dragging around Max forced on him!

Edit: I almost forgot to mention!! Sugiki answering that he'll take rum while looking angsty is so hnhhhhhh......... i get it...

And while we're at it, let's enjoy some beautiful Sugiki shots:

I enjoyed their dynamic in this update so much, I'm definitely looking forward to more Sugiki roasting Max in the future. We know that the next two updates of chapter 40 will be focusing on the other characters, and I just can't wait to see Aki and Suzuki again. We probably won't have another Shinyas reunion/conversation until the end of the chapter or the next one, but for now I'm just overjoyed that 10 Dance is back up and running.

10 Dance - chapter 40, part 1 summary

Following the Japan International, where Sugiki froze up and could not perform the honor dance, Max takes him back to his place to offer advice. In a discussion that includes topics such as Sugiki's inability to seek help and his ongoing feelings for Suzuki, Max also receives a shock when the tables are turned and his own romantic pursuits are brought into question.

Full summary and highlight images under the cut.

Chapter 40, part 1: Come On-a My Life

Published online on June 9th, 2023, available to purchase on Comic Days, or rent for 10 days on Yanmaga.

A freshly showered, robe-clad Sugiki sits curled up on a bed inside Max’s mansion. Max comes over and tosses a towel to him, saying he looks disgraceful and needs to dry his hair. He says he’d gone to the competition just to see the dancing of the so-called Emperor, and wonders what was up with the lackluster performance Sugiki gave. He sighs and tells Sugiki that he needs to ask for help when he needs it. As he lights a cigar, he asks how anyone could expect to receive the help they need by relying solely on others reaching out to them. Sugiki says that he’s always been surrounded by kind onlookers. Max states that that’s because even if Sugiki were about to drown he probably wouldn’t even raise his hand to seek aid. He wonders why it’s so hard for Sugiki to voice his needs, and complains that he’s a pain to deal with. He’s interrupted as the ashes from his cigar burn his bare foot, and Sugiki takes the chance to say he’s grateful, which garners a shocked look from Max. Sugiki says he appreciates the things Max has done to take his attention away from Suzuki; that feeling of detachment from the real world he had while he was accompanying Max on his adventures did allow him to forget for a while. He stretches and sighs, then confides in Max that he can’t control his feelings. It seems unnatural for Suzuki to no longer be by his side, to no longer be able to touch him, and ponders how this feeling could not be considered love.

He wonders why Suzuki kneeled down and begged at his feet, thinking he might have wanted to do the same thing. He feels a bit defeated that he can’t quite put his thoughts together coherently. He’s then struck by the scent permeating the air, and asks if it’s from the pieces of wood Max used to light his cigar. Max says he used cedar sticks, and though he rarely uses this method to light them, on days like today it has a useful effect in that it can create a calming environment.

Getting back on the subject, Max muses about how this whole saga started because of the 10 Dance, asking if Sugiki planned all of this to satisfy his own ego. Though the story didn’t turn out like he imagined, Max asks if Sugiki would be satisfied if it all ended here. If he values Suzuki so much that he wants to grovel at his feet, then he needs to become useful to him. There are multiple choices Sugiki can make from here, and Max says in his own case he chose to let go of the one he desired (referring to the man he was pursuing in Inouesatoh’s previous work Gloria). It still hurts, but he doesn’t regret it, because even though he was never able to earn his love, he’s still proving himself to be useful to him in other ways. Sugiki asks if this has something to do with the glasses Max tried to gift him with before, and Max confirms that it does, saying Sugiki looks a bit like him, though this other man is older and wears glasses. Meanwhile, Sugiki gets up and starts to get dressed out in the open, while Max silently appreciates the view he glimpses when he turns his head. He thinks about how it looks like he’s got a body that can withstand a lot, and he internally comes to some decision (unspecified from the point-of-view of the readers).

Sugiki asks if the man Max is talking about is Norman, which shocks Max and makes him ask why he’d bring up Edward. Sugiki is confused about who Edward refers to, and Max explains that both he and Norman share the middle name Edward, which Norman hates. Max claims that he hates that irritating brat right back, and says that the one he loves wears glasses, is standoffish, doesn’t listen to a word he says, and is a striking man who sometimes looks villainous. Sugiki points out that Norman fits all of those descriptors. Max protests that he and Norman have never gotten along, and the one he’s after is a Japanese man he met much later on. Sugiki says that Lucas told him Max and Norman have known each other since way back, and though it might seem at first glance that they don’t get along, once Max lays eyes on Norman he’ll definitely try to flirt with him.

Max defensively counters that it’s only because Norman is such a rare species. Sugiki wonders what he means, and Max explains that Norman is a surviving descendant of a bloodline that supposedly died out long ago that has ties to the royal family. Though his relatives are trying to keep it hidden at all costs, Max is sure that it’s true, as he spent a significant amount of his precious time and ample resources researching it. Sugiki states that it seems like he spent all that time and money just so he could get to know Norman better, and Max starts to agree, but then calls Sugiki a brat and says he seems to be back to his normal attitude. With that being the case, he suggests that they have some drinks. He asks what Sugiki would like, to which he replies he’ll have rum. Max says that they should stop quarreling like kids and move on to talking about more mature subjects. He puts on his glasses and declares that he has a proposal.

Previous chapter: #39 part 6

Next chapter: Though a specific date has not yet been revealed, according to Inouesatoh's Twitter this chapter will be released in three parts over consecutive months, so we can anticipate part 2 sometime in July 2023.

[aflawedfashion]

unpopular opinion: the defiance finale was perfect

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

Thanks, you really wanted to set me off, huh? Ok, I’ll take the bait.

I love Defiance. I do. I would not make this post if I did not love Defiance enough to be this disappointed in it, so here we go...

Ok, so, Defiance was a show about people coming together. Obviously it’s not going to be pretty if you take people from several different planets (the aliens weren’t even all from the same planet), have them fight a a brutal war against each other that nearly destroyed the only planet they have left, and then tell them that it’s now time to play nice and be friends. It’s going to be messy. And that’s ok. There is no story without conflict, and this puts us at the perfect starting point for a whole lot of character development. Love it.

The endgame of the show should have been people finally coming together, but was it that? No, it was about the small group of characters who actually survived this brutal show finding an entire race of aliens that had to be shot off into space because they can’t kill them all, but they’re too dangerous to actually live with. Aliens played by black actors (although they are painted purple and I think the writers actually had good intentions when they created the Omec, you can’t not notice how terrible this turned out.... unless, I guess, you’re the people who wrote this). They were purple people eating aliens. 

Other than T’evgin and Kindzi, the Omec never even had a voice, but the entire finale hinges on them. We see in their faces that they probably wouldn’t want to kill everyone if they knew more about the people of Earth, but we never get to see resolution to that. We never see them revolt against Kindzi. They never get to speak for themselves or fight for themselves or learn about the people of Earth. They just start eating everyone because the show wanted the main characters seem justified in shooting them. They’re treated like props.

The show wants Doc and Amanda to be seen as heroes for shooting the evil aliens (it frames them heroically when they do it), while also having Irisa be the hero for saying they should try to save them without ever giving the Omec a proper voice. You can’t do this all in two episodes and call it good. Nolan and Amanda had even stood up for the Omec until the very last moment, until Kindzi raped Nolan, killed her father, caged the people of earth, turned doc yewll into a slave, and ordered her followers to eat their enemies. Nolan and Amanda truly just wanted to do what was right and got hammered into the ground until they didn’t know what else to do. I get where they’re coming from. I get where Irisa’s coming from, but why are we here?

By giving the Omec a voice, there’s an arc to be found in these two episodes, and I can see what the writers were probably going for. I could even pretend I loved this episode and write a meta about the interesting parts of this kind of conflict, but it’s not actually developed in these episodes. They’d need an entire season arc, and I don’t really want that arc. Look, down to the basics, do I think we needed to end Defiance on purple people eating aliens? No. Cut the people eating and rewrite the finale, and the Omec could have been good in the end instead of a pile of shock value tropes stacked on top of each other (I forgot bring up that they were also incestuous). Their power, their status, their history with the Votans can exist without the people eating.

And what really bugs me about this is that there was a far superior finale arc in front of the writers that they left in 3x11 when Kindzi killed T’evgin. The VC were a great villain that had already been established and fit the core narrative of the show. They were scary, they were powerful, and they were a complex threat. We that even everyone in the VC doesn’t all agree, but they’d all level defiance if they needed to. So many potential conflicts here.

Silora Voske. Great character who liked Amanda, and genuinely wanted to make peace with Defiance, but peace with the VC means playing nice with the VC, something Amanda has never wanted. Silora would have shot Amanda in the back of the head if she betrayed her, no matter how good of friends they became. Now she’s dead and Defiance will be blamed. So much potential.

There is no government above Amanda in Defiance. With the United States long gone and the E-Rep’s power only lasting a season, Defiance is free from any larger government or country, and Amanda wants to keep it that way. Unfortunately for her, the VC wants more power, and Defiance is just this little town all on its own trying to swat away every fascist government that tries to take over.

And that’s where the Omec should have come into these last few episodes. We have all these Omec on a spaceship, why make them cannon fodder when you could bring them together with Defiance to fight against a common enemy - an enemy who wanted to divide humans and Votans. It would have made this a story about people coming together, exactly what the show wanted to be in the beginning.

Now for the characters, the reason I love this show, the reason this finale makes me emotionally mad at it on top of being frustrated by the plot.

Nolan and Irisa. They had been wandering around the country for 15 years with this vague goal that one day they’d get to Antarctica. They didn’t even know if it was paradise or not, and honestly, it didn’t really matter because they weren’t really trying to get there. In 15 years, they traveled from Denver to Defiance/St. Louis. That’s not very far. Truthfully, I doubt they ever really tried to get to Antarctica, but getting there wasn’t the point. Everyone needs something to live for, a dream, thoughts of a better future. Antarctica was just a fantasy that gave them a reason to live in a shitty world. 

But then they get to Defiance, and Nolan instantly finds a purpose and meets people who give him hope that the world he actually lives in might not be entirely horrible. He tells Irisa that Antarctica’s not real, but Defiance is. They can make a difference here. They can be happy. There’s no more reason to chase after a fantasy. He becomes a better, more hopeful person by finding a reason to get up in the morning and finding people he can believe in.

But... then in the finale, he just gets shot into space and Irisa makes a joke that he’s going to be flirting with alien princesses and getting in trouble. What is this negative character development the show is trying to sell me as a good ending for Nolan? Why are we resetting him to back before he found a purpose? Can male writers really never let go of their Han Solo fantasy from when they were 13, and let these characters grow as they deserve, as they already had?

Nolan spent 3 seasons talking about how he’s a one woman guy, even breaking off a friends with benefits relationship when he realizes he’s in love with Amanda. He thinks Amanda’s into someone else at the time, but he still can’t be with someone else when he’s in love with her, even when his fuck buddy doesn’t care because it’s a meaningless sexual relationship. Nolan doesn’t deserve to be reduced to the guy who drives around and has funny sexual escapades (and although I’m sure he’s had a few funny one night stands in his life, he had sex with three women in three seasons, and all relationships lasted more than one episode, note: I will not count rape in this total, so why are they trying to sell me on the idea that funny sexual escapades are a defining characteristic of his?)

Nolan deserved to find actual, real, attainable happiness with Amanda and his daughter, not get tossed into space away from the people he loves on some writer’s dumbass teenage Han Solo fantasy.

And Amanda, the love of both Nolan’s life and mine, she has been emotionally destroyed by the show, and very nearly physically destroyed as well. The writers wanted her to die a martyr, and only backed out of it when they realized there was no one qualified to be mayor in season 4, and they finally realized that killing all your characters for shock value actually has consequences. She deserved better than that.

Before the end of the finale, she thought Nolan would come back because he always did. She had hope for herself and for him. They were going to be be together and be happy. She deserved to be happy. And then in the final lines of the series, Irisa says Amanda thinks Nolan is dead. Where’s her hope? Why did the writers take that from her? Amanda is the person who made everyone want to be better. She gave people hope when they had none. Amanda represented the possibility that all these people could live together, and the writers wanted her to die while she was shooting aliens. They wanted to kill the person who represented the hope that humans and aliens could live together, and yeah, that pretty much sums up the finale.

And they don’t kill her. Instead, they just leave her sad, alone in her office, and without hope. 

Thanks.

I hate it. 

This episode pieces together a bunch of action, drama, and emotional moments to make you feel a lot of things as you watch it, but it’s not good on any deeper level. It betrayed everything I loved about this show, so I hate this finale.

[wastelandhell]

Sorry if this question is too broad or imposing but I'm trying to get into modding Fallout 4 for the first time, mostly to make armor skins. What're the best tutorials? I've tried searching online but a lot of the tutorials are outdated. (Would also love to know how to bash existing skins together though modelling my own would be fun too). Again sorry for this ask I'm just so lost about how to get into modding lol.

Ahhh do not apologize for asking me about modding fallout. I could talk about the guts of this stupid game all day ahhh

modding grip^

Unfortunately I...don't know any good tutorials. I think a lot of Fo4 modders came over already knowing skyrim or FNV. Most of what I know is based on outdated guides, old loverslab threads, my existing graphic design knowledge, and trial-and-error. I think armour is the best place to start because there are so many tools available (thanks tittymodders!), and you don't have to worry about needing 3DS Max for collisions or animations.

This is the only modding tutorial I've ever watched. It's old, but good to show you a proper workflow and how to set up your files. They use creation kit, but if you're just making armour its way easier to use xEdit. I don't even have the ck installed, I do everything in xEdit.

This is an excellent guide to outfit conversions. It gets pretty in depth, but you really don't need to bother with the dismemberment section if it's just for you. It's for FG reduced but you can use it as a general guide for weighting anything for any body and getting your modded outfit game ready.

Texture edits and outfit conversions are where I started and are probably the easiest. The best thing to do is just poke around mods you like and see how they do it.

Some tools:

xEdit: Plugin editor for creation engine games. If you're doing any kind of modding you should learn how to use this. Esl-flagging, running complex sorter, making bashed patches and making your own compatibility patches are skills you need if you want to run a heavily modded game.

Icestorms texture toolbox: the best texture tool, i use the "batch processing" tab at the end to convert .png (no alpha) and .tga (alpha) files to .dds.

Nvidia texture tools exporter: lets you open .dds file in photoshop with the alpha channel intact. You don't need a nvidia card, I'm all team red. Don't bother using this to export unless you have to, its slow as fuck.

Sagethumbs: Gives .dds files thumbnails in windows explorer.

IrfanView: For quickly viewing texture files without launching photoshop. Also an excellent general image viewer.

Bethesda Archive Extractor: Crack open those .ba2 files and get to the goods.

Material Editor: What it says on the tin, lets you edit Fo4 and Fo76 material files. These are like containers that have the paths to all your textures and how they are to be shaded to attach to .nif files.

NifSkope: View and edit .nif files. Dev 7 is the recommended, but Dev 8 can open Fo76 meshes if you want to backport those.

Outfit Studio: Even if you don't use body replacers, this is an incredible tool for editing and weighting meshes. If you're making armour you need this. This is also where I make most of my mashups: you can pull parts from different outfits, slap them together, and export them quickly and easily.

Blender: It's free and it works. Learning to navigate this is going to be your biggest hurdle but it's worth it, trust me. Thankfully blender has a huge community and hundreds of tutorials. This is where I make my hi poly models and do all my retopo/uvs. I also prefer to use blender to edit meshes because it has more robust editing tools.

PyNifly: What I use to import/export .nif files from blender.

Fo4 is made in the 2013 version of 3DS Max and the havok content tools but i haven't bothered to pirate that yet. You don't need it for armour anyways.

I'm sorry this is so long and rambly. If you have a more specific question I might be more helpful ha.