#sorry this fic is so sad it... uh... gets worse from here

[turtles-allthewaydown]

Angel meets a one-eyed woman outside a club; they're both in line for the same vending machine. She's got sick tattoos and they've got the same taste in drugs; by the end of the night they're leaning on each other to stay upright, giggling about some loser they conned into paying for their latest round of drinks.

"Y'know," she slurs, sinking a little further into him, "I was pretty pissed off when I realized I was in Hell. I mean, I knew why, but, like, I dunno, I thought it was gonna suck, you know? But now that I know there are nightclubs and bitches like you down here, it can't be that bad. You know?"

---

Chapter Two of My Body Is An Orphanage (We Take Everyone In) is on AO3 now! Featuring: Is Vox worried about him or just being a creep? Who introduced cellphones to Hell? And what did "punk" mean when Angel was alive?

The timeline is a little wobbly since I'm pretty sure Cherri died before Velvette, and Angel's first phone should probably be a 90s brick and not a flip phone... just go with it.

Chapter CW: alcohol/drug use & addiction, abusive relationship, sex work, explicit sexual content, dubious consent, sexual assault, non-consensual drug use (implied drugged drink), Val's pheromones. The roughest part of the chapter is a post-assault scene where Angel realizes a drink was probably drugged. This chapter also majorly features the ups and downs of a (physically, sexually, financially, emotionally) abusive relationship. As always, take care of yourselves my loves <3

[beebazooka]

just happened to land on you, who else?

----- pt. 1/2

daisuke x gn reader fic 𓆩⟡𓆪 word count; 1.1k

content warning: later smut, non-established relationship, awkwardness, NEEDY 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴suke, angst(post crash doomed-ness)

You were Anya's intern— you didn't know what career to pick so you followed whatever your parents thought was best. The money balanced out the negatives; long and unpredictable hours, patient interactions, and differing opinions from coworkers on how to deal with someone. All you needed to get that was a good recommendation and your parents would deal with medical school's expenses.

So you signed up for every advertisement that didn't look scam-y. Until no one would call back, it made sense. You had nothing on your record but a summer job you had at sixteen and a high school diploma. Not exactly the top candidate.

Your last hope was a faded-out pamphlet stapled to an electric post. Reluctantly, you ripped off one of the phone number handouts printed between the dotted punctured lines. That flyer was no doubt, the sketchiest thing you had ever seen in your life. That cartoon horse mascot smiling at you didn't ease any worries despite how much the company probably wanted it to.

<⟡>

Now you were boarding the Tulpar, you could see your new coworkers through the small crowd of higher-ups and last-minute maintenance workers; a bunch of sad sack adults, and a guy like you. Small carry-on bags either held or settled by their feet.

He was friendly, really friendly. He ran over to you immediately, imaginary tail wagging at the mere sight of someone in his age group.

"Daisuke Juárez." He blurted out, extending a hand for you to shake.

"Uh, what?" His eyebrows furrowed as he dropped his hand, looking away. You could see his lips mutter a swear but no sound came out.

"That's my name, sorry for no intro before that..." He gave a nervous chuckle before he offered his hand to you again. You took it, why wouldn't you? It would just make this already weird conversation worse.

A quick shake between new coworkers. Nervous sweat passed back and forth, a cold feeling and a 'clink' sound from his rings bumping against yours. This guy would probably be your only choice for socializing. He had a lot of enthusiasm to pass around and frankly, everyone needed it.

<⟡>

A couple of months on board and by some miracle, he wasn't your thirteenth reason yet. Your boredom wouldn't let you hate him. You looked forward to his shenanigans. To Swansea's dismay, you started participating.

Sneaking sugar packets here, teaming up to cheat on crew game nights there.

Then it happened. That fake scenic sunset display quickly changed to a message so contrasting; Crash eminent. You had no clue what to do other than prepare. The blaring alarms didn't stop even when you ducked down behind the kitchen counters.

<⟡>

Everything was ruined, tousled, destroyed. Emergency foam went off everywhere, closing off the sleeping quarters, and a couple of hallways.

Every day, every new experience drained you. You had to hold back Anya's hair four times as she vomited in between patching up Captain— no, just Curly now.

One day, Swansea gathered up everyone, well tried. He only got the interns to sit down in the living quarters, pacing back and forth while he gave a doomed pep talk to the only people who would listen.

"We're fucked. This goddamn company doesn't care about us or that one of their ships went offline. We're dead meat, just names on a fucking list." He kept pacing. He had that little rasp in his voice, probably from the fact he kept pausing his spiel to take swigs of mouthwash. Daisuke told you all about Swansea's drunken rants whenever the two of you got bored enough. He said he liked the burn. The knowledge that he was ruining his life all over again. He loved it.

"You kids do whatever the fuck you want, 'cause I'm not doing shit. I'm not going to spend the last weeks of my life slaving away at the same company that already took forty years of my damn happiness." Then he walked off, too drunk to stomp away. Going to stand in front of the utility room. The only task he wanted to commit to; stopping others from doing something stupid; he always did. Daisuke could be his whole defense for that argument.

"So that's our advice... We do whatever because we're dying soon anyway." You mumbled after some struggle. Someone both you and Daisuke were supposed to look up to and ask for guidance just told you to fuck around while you still can.

"That's it? Our first fucking trip and we die here?!" You stood up, your anger wanted to move and right now, you didn't want to deny it.

Daisuke let out a quiet sigh, leaning back until his body hit the cold floor, he ran his fingers through his hair, in an attempt to ease something... anything. "I haven't lived yet. I partied. I jacked around. I don't have anything to actually be proud of. I haven't done anything."

That made you stop. He was right. He hasn't lived and neither have you. You were getting mad at people millions of miles away on Earth, that for sure didn't know your name or face.

"Bucket list." You whispered in that same tone you used to pass jokes to him during lectures with Swansea... a long time ago. He would give anything for this shitshow to be a dream that he could wake up to and have you joke about Swansea's under-eyes over and over again. "We make a bucket list. We do everything before we die when the food and oxygen supply run out.

<⟡>

They wrote down a small list each. It was cute at first, pranking the unbothered Swansea wasn't as fun as before but it was something. They shared a couple sugar packets, helped Anya out for a bit, and destroyed the kitchen by mismatching recipes.

Then their lists went cold and desperate; in tiny, rushed pen-written letters were four words. "Don't die a virgin."

After reading it from the other's list, they looked up at each other. "This is humiliating, you know," Daisuke spoke up first, despite his words he had a hint of a smile on his lips.

"Yeah... I know." You replied back. This was a horrible way to lose something people said was so sacred, but now, you saw it how it was; just another experience to have before you died.

[runninriot]

inspired by the song Solitude by Black Sabbath, written for @steddiesongfics june song fics

Memories I Have Remind Me Of You

wc: 1999 | rated: T | tags: modern au, friends to lovers to exes to lovers, marriage proposal, dealing with heartbreak and regrets, Steve needs a little push from a stranger to make it right, sad but with a happy ending

The girl is nice. She’s pretty. Big eyes, plush lips, a kind smile, dimples.

Fucking dimples.

Her hair’s long and curly, doesn’t remind Steve of anyone in particular.

It doesn’t.

He does not think about someone else when the warm colour of her brown irises makes him remember.

Steve tries to listen when she talks, tries to laugh when she giggles sweetly, tries not to jerk away when she brushes his hand in a flirty manner but it’s hard to focus when his mind isn’t where it should be.

Did she just ask him a question?

   “You didn’t even listen, huh?”

Steve shakes his head, looks back up at her, tries for an apologetic smile but to his confusion, she doesn’t even seem mad at him for not paying attention.

No, it’s worse.

She’s got that empathic, knowing look in her eyes. Like she can see right through him.

    You’re so easy to read, baby.

He was never good at pretending.

   “I’m not boring you, am I.”

It’s not really a question. The girl knows she’s a good catch, knows she isn’t the problem – Steve is.

   “No, uh. Sorry, I-“

Who is he even trying to fool? No excuse he’s trying to come up with would be good enough because if he looks how he feels, it must be written all over his face. No way to hide the obvious.

I can see it in your eyes, baby. Your eyes always tell the truth.

Steve should’ve known it was a bad idea the moment he saw her picture, noticed the similarities. She instantly reminded him of-

He shouldn’t have agreed to this date.

Not because he doesn’t like her, no. She’s perfect, really. Or she would be.

They matched on a dating app, texted a bit back an forth. She was fun to talk to, made him laugh. And when she asked him if he wanted to meet, he thought that maybe it would help. That maybe this was his sign to finally get his ass back out there. He’d been holed up at home for too long. Sulking, sad, depressed.

Life just hasn’t been the same ever since.

His favourite meal has lost its taste. His favourite songs all sound off-key. Going to his favourite bar just seems like a waste of time - Steve’s life has lost its light, making everything seem dark and grey and dull.

Nothing is right anymore because everything reminds him of Eddie.

And Steve himself is the one to blame for his misery.

   “I-“ Steve hesitates. He doesn’t want to bother her with his mess, didn’t come here to whine about things he can’t change. She didn’t come here to listen to him talk about his goddamn ex for fuck’s sake!

   “What’s wrong?” she asks and Steve knows there’s no point in trying to pretend that everything’s fine when nothing ever is. Not anymore.

   “I’m sorry for being such bad company,” Steve apologises and means it. She deserves better, could’ve gone on a date with someone worth spending her time with.

Someone actually interested in... something. Anything. Whatever it is she’s looking for.

Steve’s not it, that much is clear.

He’s not ready to move on. Maybe he never will be. Because what he had was all he ever wanted, all he ever needed to be happy. Life was good, perfect, before he ruined it all. Let the love of his life slip away because he was too afraid of the what ifs. So he pushed and he fought and he hurt the one that would’ve given him everything.

Now, Steve is just an empty shell of the man he used to be. Because the day Eddie left, he took Steve’s heart and soul with him, left him empty and broken and sad.

So fucking sad.

   “You remind me of my ex.” The words are out before he can swallow them back down.

   “Oh,” she answers, expression neutral. “Bad break-up?”

Steve nods. He doesn’t want to talk about it, doesn’t want to think about the day his whole life fell apart but-

   “It was my fault. He left me because I fucked it up.”

The truth still hurts, even after all those months.

   “What did you do?”

Steve and Eddie had met through a mutual friend, Dustin. It wasn’t quite love at first sight but close to it.

They quickly became friends, started hanging out on weekends, then, soon, even during the week. Spending the evenings after work at each other’s places, cooking dinner together, watching movies, talking.

Steve had never felt so drawn to another person, had never felt so comfortable in someone else’s presence. Eddie was... he was funny, kind, loud and wild. He had all these big dreams about what he wanted to do with his life. Dreams that were so very different from the small-town life Steve had always resigned himself to. Eddie wanted to travel the country, sleep under the stars, wake up next to a lake, follow the wind to wherever it would take him.

He wanted to be free.

But he stayed.

Eddie stayed because when they shared their first kiss in a weak moment of alcohol-fuelled recklessness, they ignited a fire that became too big too fast, making it impossible to smother the flames before they turned into burning desire that took a hold of them both. Scorching its way into their hearts where it settled, warm and bright, making light in every dark corner of their being.

It was the second first kiss that sealed their fate – a sober, slow, and tentative kiss in the low light of the morning sun that wiped away any worries and doubts Steve had when he woke up in Eddie’s arms after a night spent giving into their unspoken feelings as they took each other apart, not thinking about the consequences.

Knowing what it was like to wake up next to each other made it impossible to go back to simply being friends, to stay apart, to not fall in love.

Eddie and Steve were meant to be.

Together, everything felt right.

Eddie willingly put his own dreams aside for Steve who knew he could never repay him for the sacrifices he made just to be with him, tried to thank him every day by showing and telling him how much he loved him. And things were good, perfect.

Until-

   “I don’t understand,” she says quietly when Steve takes a moment to breathe away the ache in his heart and the tears threatening to spill, “that sounds like a dream come true. What happened?”

Steve smiles sadly, sighs.

   “Yeah, felt like a dream, too. But the thing with dreams is that no matter how beautiful they are, inevitably you will wake up.”

And a beautiful dream it was. Life was full of love and laughter and happy moments spent together, until Eddie proposed and Steve said No and the world tumbled down.

Because it was in that moment – with Eddie down on one knee, the simple gold ring Steve knew had belonged to Eddie’s uncle held between his thumb and finger as an offer, a promise to be his forever – that Steve realised he couldn’t do this to him. He couldn’t marry Eddie and keep him trapped in a life he never wanted just because Steve was too scared of giving up the safety of his home for a life on the road with no destination ahead and an unforeseeable future.

Steve said no to set him free but even then Eddie kept fighting for him, fucking apologised for putting ‘so much pressure’ on Steve with his question which- was insane because Eddie had done nothing wrong, ever. He had never been anything but wonderful and considerate and perfect. Steve had been the one not willing to compromise, who inadvertently put Eddie in a cage of his own making.

So he pushed and he fought and he hurt Eddie in order to give him back his freedom, thinking, believing he was doing the right thing. It was only when Eddie packed his bags and left that Steve realised he had made the biggest mistake of his life.

The moment Eddie walked out the door without looking back, Steve knew he had lost everything.

 

   “Where is he now?”

   “Hm?”

   “Eddie. Where did he go?”

   “I, uh...” Steve shouldn’t know the answer to this but he does. Because Dustin told him. Tells him whenever he gets a call or another letter from Eddie, ignoring the fact that it tears Steve apart every time. Or maybe he does it on purpose, punishing Steve for hurting his friend. And Steve lets him, never complains, always holds back his tears until he’s back in his fortress of solitude, where he can drown in his pain and sorrow.

He deserves to suffer for what he did.

   “He’s in Michigan.”

   “Huh.” She cocks her head, smiles. “It’s been what, 5 months you said? Pretty sure he could’ve gotten a lot further by now.”

   “What do you mean?”

   “For someone who’s always wanted to travel the whole damn country, he didn’t make it that far.”

   “Eddie never made plans on where he wanted to go. Maybe he found a nice place to stay for a while before he lets his heart take him somewhere else.”

   “Staying conveniently close for no reason whatsoever. Got it,” she scoffs.

Steve looks at her with pleading eyes, needs her to stop giving him ideas, can’t allow himself to let hope bloom.

   “He’s free to go wherever he wants.”

   “Maybe what Eddie really wants is for you to tell him to come home.”

Her words hit him hard like a slap across the face, ringing loudly in his ears.

   “What if- What if he doesn’t?”

   “You’ll never know if you don’t try.”

 -------

   “You left me.”

It’s not meant as an accusation, sounds like one though. And Steve can see in the way Eddie furrows his brows and tightens his lips, that it wasn’t the right thing to say.

   “You told me to.” Eddie’s answer is short but calm, not filled with anger like Steve expected.

   “I wanted you to stay!”

He knows it isn’t fair because Steve did tell him to leave. What right does he have to want him back, to ask for forgiveness?

   “I didn’t want you to leave but I was scared that you’d wake up one day and realise that being with me isn’t enough. That being in love isn’t worth giving up your dreams. You shouldn’t have to give up your dreams for me! I should’ve gone with you. I love you. I-”

Steve is crying, can’t stop shaking. He’s so angry at himself, feels so powerless and stupid. And Eddie just stands there and stares at him confused like he doesn’t know that Steve would do everything for a second chance.

Just when Steve is about to give up, turns to go because if he stays here any longer, he’ll fall to his knees and make an even bigger fool of himself than he already has, two strong arms wrap around him from behind, keeping him from walking away.

   “Don’t go,” Eddie whispers into his hair, tightens his grip to emphasise his words. “Stay.”

It’s what Steve should’ve said all those months ago, when he said the opposite instead.

Slowly, Steve turns within the arms holding him until he’s facing Eddie again. Eddie, who is so close now, Steve could bring their lips together by only moving in another inch or two. Could kiss away the tears running down Eddie’s cheeks.

   “I can’t live without you, Eddie.”

   “Then let me be with you.”

Their third first kiss is an angry one, rough and desperate. Full of regrets they swallow from each other’s lips, drinking them up to make them go away. To make it better. To make it right.

   “Marry me, Steve.”

The answer comes easy this time - one word, a promise.

Forever, never apart, wherever it'll take them.

[profound-bouquetbird]

Hi yes,i completely understand as to why someone might feel uncomfortable writing a fic abt jimmy in a romantic aspect,which is exactly why i asked for angst. ( I'm a sucker for angst )

I was asking for a scenario where the reader and jimmy had already been in an established relationship with Jimmy wayy prior than boarding on the tulpar, i was wondering that the reader has positive views on jimmy but after finding out what he did to anya the reader completely breaks down and loses every ounce of love/compassion/respect for jimmy. And how curly/swansea and daisuke would try to comfort the reader.

Jimmy tries to convince the reader to give him another chance but the reader rips him a new one,like just jimmy being pathetic and miserable like he deserves to be.

I've been sent requests and messages that everyone can't wait for this fic, now I'm scared I'm going to disappoint 😔

BUT WHO CARES, I'M STILL WRITING IT, RAAAHHHH 🦅💥💥🦅🦅🦅💥💥💥

Edit: I'm done with writing it and right as I was about to post it, I realized that I forgot to put the actual comfort in the fict... Yeahh....

Warnings: mentions/hinting of sexual assault, Daisuke and the reader having a parent/son relationship, mentions of paper cuts, mentions of guns, drug overdose, murder, blood, hurt/no comfort, not proofread

I looked at Jimmy in absolute horror. No tears, no sobbing, nothing left my lips. There was only one feeling remaining though...

Disgust.

He called out my name, and I couldn't stop the shiver of fear that rushed through me.

"Please... Let me explain."

Three days before boarding ᯓ★

"One year?!" I gasped out in disbelief, eyes widening in shock at the news my boyfriend just dropped. One year out in space? Why would he even accept that offer?!

"I know, I know... But we need the money." He breathed out, not looking so pleased with the outcome either.

I sighed, knowing that he was right. I relaxed back onto the couch, crossing my arms in disappointment.

One year without him here with me? No contact at all? I barely survived his last shipment, and that only lasted three months, and now I had to wait a year? they were asking too much. What do they even ship out?

"... I'm sorry." He breathed out, and his expression only made me feel worse.

"You don't have to apologize... It's your job." I sighed, a small smile on my face to reassure him. Sure, it would be a loonnngg year for me, but it was for the money, for our future... for us.

"I'll go start dinner for us... Okay?" He gave me a sad smile, walking over to me and resting a gentle hand on the back of my head, placing a light kiss to my temple as he made his way towards the kitchen.

I smirked, watching him walk off with a playful roll of my eyes.

"And by that I'm guessing you're ordering pizza?" I teased, causing him to let out a quick laugh before disappearing into the kitchen.

With him gone, I was now alone with my thoughts.

I mean- a whole year away from Earth? That's sure to leave some impact on both me and him.

... My saddened expression slowly started to fade as a thought crossed my mind.

What if I applied for the job with him?

A smile grew on my face, but I couldn't tell him now, it should be a surprise! Yes! Imagine his joy when he finds out I get to tag along with him, and for a whole year at that!

Oh, the overjoyed look on his face-

"You want plain peperoni again or do you want to switch it up for tonight?" I jumped a bit; my thoughts being interrupted as Jimmy yelled from the kitchen.

"Uh- Yeah! A peperoni will do!" I yelled back, smiling to myself. Maybe I should apply after dinner.

One week before boarding ᯓ★

I giggled to myself quietly as I watched Jimmy pack his bags. He always liked to pack early, says he has time to check everything and pack anything that's missing.

"Jimmy..." I dragged out his name, trying to contain my excited expression as I watched him.

"Yes, Y/n? I'm busy, I wouldn't want to miss anything." He mumbled out, rummaging through his things. My smile felt slightly, but I decided to shake that uneasy feeling away. He was just stressed.

"I've got some exciting news." I stated, my smile and excitement returning as he peaked at me over his shoulder and gave me a confused glance, "I applied as a Pony express nurse and... I got in!" I almost squeaked out in excitement, but... my excitement died down when he didn't return it.

He stayed in silence for a little while, still looking over his shoulder but not looking at me.

"... Why would you do that?" He asked me, his voice cold as he still didn't look at me. Did I... do something wrong?

"Well... I'm sure that us being apart would make both your journey and my stay would feel way longer than it was supposed to, so... I thought going with you would make both of our stays fly by faster." I stated sheepishly, now unsure of myself. I looked down at my hands, feeling an intense sense of guilt wash over me as the two of us stayed in silence.

I heard him sigh and his clothes ruffle, soft footsteps walking towards me and soon enough his arms were wrapped around me in a warm embrace.

"I'm sorry I reacted like that... I just didn't want you to get hurt." He mumbled into my hair, one of his hands resting on my lower back while the other ran through my hair.

Every ounce of dread faded away with those simple words, hugging him back with a smile on my face.

"... I should've told you earlier, I'm sorry too." I mumbled back. I felt his grip get a bit tighter, which made me feel comforted. He mumbled something underneath his breath that I couldn't comprehend, but I didn't question it.

Two months before the crash ᯓ★

Life on the ship was... Weird. I mean, I knew I was away from Earth, but it felt like we didn't even take off, which I guess is better than floating around.

Everyone on the ship was nice as well. Anya, my coworker was really sweet and really competitive when it came to boardgames, but she's been oddly quiet around my boyfriend, Jimmy... maybe because she found out he was my boyfriend she didn't want to seem like she was going to steal him away from me, which I find very sweet.

Daisuke was interesting. He was a bit nervous for the first few days, but I couldn't really do anything since he didn't really want to talk to anyone. He quickly opened up to us though, and it's always interesting to hear him talk, he does say some weird stuff sometimes though.

Swansea was the same as boarding day, acting very serious and only talking about work, but I sometimes get to hear a little about his past. He has a wife and two kids! How nice.

Curly was a nice captain, I don't see him nor talk to him often, but the times that I did he was nice.

And of course there was my boyfriend, Jimmy. He focuses on his work a lot, which is good don't get me wrong! But I sometimes want him to spend time with me or even visit me in the medical bay...

All of the relationships to the side, work wasn't really that hard. Everyone made sure to take care of themselves, Daisuke got hurt every once in a while, but even he knew not to waste supplies over something as little as a paper cut (I still sneak him my own band-aids every once in a while, though).

---

I smiled to myself as I read through the reports, Anya and I split the 'interrogation' part of the psych test, I was the one to deal with Daisuke since he was the only one to actually drag out the psych test with his little stories. Anya complained to me about it, so I offered to take the test instead of her.

I sat in the room with the young intern, finding myself actually interested in his stories. He somehow managed to find a story with every question that I asked... And when he didn't have an opportunity to rant about a story, he just extended his answer.

He was just done with his rant about how he managed to hit his pinkie toe when he was trying to pass a screwdriver to Swansea, hilarious really.

"Hm..." I hummed a bit, tapping my bottom lip with my pen as I inspected the questions. "... How would you say your relationships with the crewmembers are?" I read off the question, ticking it off the list for myself.

"Awh, absolutely great!" He began excitedly, and just as I thought he was going to leave it at that, he continued.

"Curly is an awesome captain! Sure, I don't see him often, but he's so cool! He always knows how to fix a problem.

Anya is sweet too, but I don't see her as often like I do you. While we're on the topic of you, you've also been pretty awesome, you didn't have to give me your band-aids though.

Swansea is rude, but he can be cool from time to time. I'm still proud that I managed to make him laugh the other day with one of my jokes. But he can tone it down on the yelling sometimes...

Jimmy is also pretty cool! Being a co-pilot must be really hard, and I appreciate that he's in the cockpit most of the time to make sure we don't crash. But he could come out every once in a while... Last time I saw him was a day or two ago when he visited Anya in the medbay though." My smile fell at that small comment, my writing stopping abruptly as I stared down at my notes for a moment.

Jimmy visited Anya. Why wouldn't he come to visit me? I mean- maybe he walked into the medbay to look for me and I wasn't there, even then why would he ask Anya where I was or at least wait for me to come back. So why did he leave the cockpit and not come to visit me first. I'm his damn partner!

Daisuke noticed my silence, his own happy expression turning awkward and on edge.

"Uh... Did I say something wrong?" He asked sheepishly, almost sinking into his seat while clutching the edges of his seat awkwardly.

"Oh... No, Daisuke. Don't worry, I just got lost in thought." I smiled warmly towards him. That small act made him relax. Jimmy is not important currently; I'll talk to him after the psych eval with Daisuke.

I looked back at the paper to see the rest of the questions, only to be surprised that we were done with the last one.

"Looks like we're done here." I sighed, setting down the papers on the small table. Daisuke let out an overexaggerated sigh of relief, slumping in his seat.

"Ugh, finally!" He chuckled, "I thought the questions were never gonna end!"

I chuckled at his antics, standing up from my seat and picking up the papers once more.

"I suggest you get back to work, don't want Swansea worrying now, do we?" I chuckled, opening the door and waiting for him to walk out.

"No! That's even worse! Please continue with the questions!" He whined, getting up and walking out despite his words, although with a bit of a slump.

I walked out right after him, closing the door right after walking out.

"Good luck." I sighed, watching him walk away to where Swansea supposedly was.

"You, too!" He yelled back, smiling brightly, waving goodbye while turning the corner.

I exhaled through my nose, making my way towards the medbay. You know what? I don't have time to argue with him right now about him visiting Anya, he always thinks he's in the right, so the argument won't really lead to anything.

A week before the crash ᯓ★

Anya looked... on edge recently.

She has been jumpier than before... Now that I think about it, I don't remember her being jumpy in the first week.

I did ask her if something was wrong and that she could talk to me if needed, but she just brushed me off and told me that she was fine. People deal with their problems in different ways, and I get that, but... I'm worried about her.

Right now, I was sitting on the kitchen counter, poking at my food a bit as I was lost in thought.

My thoughts were interrupted by footsteps. I turned around only to spot captain Curly. I smiled at the man, turning fully to greet him.

"Morning, captain." I smiled, "Came for some breakfast?" I asked, as if it wasn't already obvious. The man gave me a tired smile and walked to the kitchen, grabbing the already prepared meal like I had. Anya was kind enough to make us a plate each because I slept in and Curly doesn't come out of the cockpit often, same as Jimmy.

"Yup." He tiredly answered my question, sitting down beside me as he began eating. I observed his tired manors for a couple of seconds, giving him a sympathetic look.

"Need a nap, Curly?" I asked him, taking a bite of my own food as I waited for his response.

"Desperately, but it's not like I can." He sighed, the small smile on his face turning into a small frown. I furrowed my brows at his words.

"How so? Jimmy is there to take over when you're too tired, right?" I questioned, setting down my fork. He furrowed his brows, closing his eyes for a moment. He looked like he had been caught in a lie.

"It's not that... simple." He dragged out his words, which only made me even more confused.

"What do you mean?" I cautiously asked, eying him suspiciously. He exhaled through his nose, setting down his fork as well as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"He just... doesn't look like he's in the right place to maneuver the ship properly." He said, trying to end the conversation with that. But I didn't want to back out that easily.

"He's been in that cockpit almost 24/7 since we boarded. I don't understand how he couldn't control the ship properly." I tried to argue, getting a bit agitated. Why would he think my boyfriend was incompetent? He can take responsibility.

"Just... leave it to me, okay?" He sighed, obviously not wanting to argue, and I respect that.

"... Alright, captain. I trust you." I backed out, standing up to wash my dishes.

"Leave the dishes to me." Curly spoke up, standing up himself to wash his own dish, grabbing mine before I could protest. I smiled, mumbling a quick thank you before making my way towards the medbay.

Zero days before the crash ᯓ★

I was patching up another one of Daisuke's paper cuts. He claims that he doesn't know how to use a band-aid correctly, but I think he just wants to rant to me.

"I wonder what I'm missing back on earth..." He sighed after finishing his long rant about some hard level that he barely passed on his Gameboy.

"You'll be so far back on the trends." I chuckled, patting his paper cut to convince him that it was on correctly.

"Don't you worry about me; I'll easily catch up." He tried to flex his muscles for the dramatic effect. I rolled my eyes at that, patting his shoulder and standing up.

"Well, your injury is taken care of, you can head back to work-" I was interrupted by blaring red lights and alarms.

my heart dropped at that, looking around the room as if I was going to find the source. I looked back towards Daisuke to see his panicked expression.

"Stay here, I'll go look to see what's wrong-"

"Are you insane!? Don't go out, please!" Daisuke pleaded, clinging onto my uniform sleeve to make me stay. My heart ached at his desperate please.

But, then again, it could just be a fake alarm... But that also doesn't mean I should leave him alone-

The whole ship started to shake; the alarms started to blare more loudly and so did Daisuke.

He kept repeating "Oh my god!" and "Please, no!"

I clung to him tightly, covering his head as a sort of instinct as I pulled us down onto the floor. The things on the desk we were next to started to fall onto us and I covered Daisuke from everything. Everything moved and trashed around in the medbay and the only thing I could do is cling to him.

What was going on?

Two months after the crash ᯓ★

I sat next to Jimmy, trying to comfort him by resting my head on his shoulder and slowly petting the back of his hand with my thumb. But he was still tense, his expression looking permanently sour.

"... Talk to me, Jimmy. Please..." I tried to get him to open up. I heard him scoff and moments later he shoved me off of him.

"Fuck off, leave me alone." He grumbled, standing up and storming off. I didn't chase after him.

I let out a long exhale, pinching the bridge of my nose and resting my elbows on my knees. I understood why he would be on edge, I mean, one of his closest friends literally drove the ship into an asteroid, who wouldn't be upset?

But he could at least talk to me about it, I'm his partner after all.

"Are you okay?" I heard a soft voice behind me. I turned around to spot Anya. I put up a fake smile to comfort her though.

"I'm okay, Anya, really." I breathed out, straightening up my posture to mimic a confident look, although failing.

She gave me a pitiful look, taking a seat in the armchair next to me.

"... How have you been holding up?" I asked her after a couple of moments of silence. She was quiet for a little while, making me think it wasn't as well as I previously presumed. I mean- the ship crashed, and Curly is basically lacking skin and limbs but... she strong... Gosh, now I sound like a piece of shit when I really think about it.

"Poorly, I can't..." She closed her eyes, resting her head on the back of the couch. It felt like she was keeping something from me.

"... Nevermind." She muttered, standing up to walk away. I opened my mouth to call out to her, for her to tell me what she wanted, but I held back. Maybe it was better if I didn't know.

Four months after the crash ᯓ★

Everything and on the ship felt eerie.

Daisuke was quieter, which absolutely broke my heart. Anya looked weaker, she couldn't even glance towards Curly or his general direction. Swansea was getting absolutely drunk out of his mind on mouthwash. And Jimmy was... distant.

How could Curly even do this? The last time I talked to him he seemed completely fine, why would he change up so suddenly?

I heard a rough voice call out my name, I turned quickly to spot Swansea.

"Yes?" I hummed. The old man grabbed my forearm roughly.

"We need to talk." He stated, dragging me away from everyone in the main area. Jimmy gave the two of us a glare but stayed in his spot.

After the two of us were out of eyesight and earshot, Swansea let go of me. I was quick to massage the spot he grabbed, giving him a glare.

"There was no need to drag me." I grumbled. Swansea ignored my words and began to talk.

"I already talked to Anya about this beforehand, so this is mostly me telling you the plan." He pointed an accusing finger at me. I stayed quiet, waiting for him to begin talking as I massaged the spot he grabbed.

"There is only on cryogen pod left. And Anya and I agreed to give it to Daisuke." He stated. I gave him a look of confusion.

"I thought the room to the cryogen pods was completely blocked off by foam...?" I muttered in confusion. Why would he lie about something like that?

"I said that because Jimmy would've made it a big deal and it would've been a damn free for all in here." I was offended by his words, giving him a look of disbelief as I took a step back.

"Jimmy? Why would he do that?" I grumbled, making sure to keep my voice quiet. I didn't want him to hear, how offended and utterly hurt he would be if he heard Swansea's accusations.

"He- Never mind..." He gave up on an explanation, and I decided to not push it further. "What I'm trying to say is... We're saving the last pod for Daisuke." He said and I didn't protest, giving him a nod of approval and letting out a sigh of relief.

"Alright... but I should really tell Jimmy tha-"

"One word to him about this and you're dead." He grunted, pointing a finger to my chest before storming off.

I lightly massaged the area where he poked me, watching him walk away with a frown and furrowed brows as I composed myself in silence.

Why are they so against telling Jimmy, their now captain, about the cryogen pod? I don't understand...

---

I was panicking.

Daisuke and Jimmy were nowhere to be seen, Swansea also, and Anya had locked herself in the medicalbay.

"Anya, please open the door, talk to me!" I yelled at the door, my voice shaky and my breaths quick as I leaned against the door, staring at it like I was going to pass through it.

She called my name weakly, making me even more anxious than before.

"I'm... I'm so sorry." She sounded like she was crying, which only made my worries worsen.

"Sorry? You- you don't have anything to be sorry for, Anya. Please open the door for me." I laughed awkwardly, like when you're caught sneaking out by your parents and are trying to make up an excuse.

"Jimmy... he..." Her voice was weak, and the mention of my boyfriend's name made me swallow thickly, afraid of what she would say.

"He what, Anya, please... Say something." I whispered, caressing the door, pretending like I was comforting her.

"I didn't want to... He made me." She called out my name, "He forced me- I'm sorry, I really am..."

I was confused.

"Forced you? Anya, please unlock the door and we'll talk, I won't be mad. Whatever you say I'll understand." I tried talking to her, but she became unresponsive. It stayed like that for a little while before I began banging on her door.

"Anya? Anya please respond-" My blood ran cold as I heard an echoing scream come from within, but it wasn't Anya's... No... Please-

Before I could think of anything else, I felt a sharp pain on the back of my head, and everything went black.

One hour until Judgement ᯓ★

My eyes fluttered open, my breathing slow as I tried to remember what happened. I tried moving but I realized I was tied down onto something.

I blinked rapidly to get used to the new lighting, looking around to see where I was. I was in the common area, living room as Daisuke called it.

Speaking of him, where was he? I remember hearing something... He screamed, he got hurt

I squinted as I looked around rapidly, where was everyone?

"Daisuke? Anya? Jimmy? Swansea? Anyone! Can anyone hear me?!" I yelled, my voice raspy and my head throbbing. It was hard to adjust to the red lighting, but once it did, I tried looking for clues.

"Can anyone hear..." My voice trailed off as I spotted someone lying on the ground, it was heard to see who it was. I squinted and tried to focus.

"Daisuke?" I questioned, but the boy didn't budge.

"Daisuke! Don't fuck with me! Are you alright?" I yelled at him, tugging at my restraints. His lack of a response left me frustrated. I groaned, trashing around to try and loosen up the ropes a bit. Who would even tie me up in the first place?

I managed to loosen up the knots, finding them and untying them in the process. Whoever did tie me up sure didn't pay attention in whatever knot tying class they took.

I sat up straight, looking down to see I was tied up on the coffee table. I stretched a bit, finding the silence awful, but I continued.

I walked towards the laying boy cautiously, my eyes adjusting the closer I got and... Oh... Oh god-

"Daisuke..." I breathed out, eyes wide in horror as I stared at the interns split face.

I quickly ran towards him, crouching down as I didn't want to touch him, feeling like my filthy hands would ruin him.

"What... how-" Tears welled up in my eyes as I stared at the lifeless body of the intern. I looked back to where I was tied up, jumping and feeling petrified as I saw Swansea's limp body tied up in a chair, how had I not noticed him before?

I switched my gaze between the young intern and the older mechanic, not sure what to do. Is there even anything I can do? Daisuke's skull is literally split open and, by the looks of it, Swansea has two bullets in his head.

I stood up, legs shaking as I walked back, looking down the hall hesitantly and into the medical bay.

I slapped my hand to my mouth as I saw Anya, lifeless with blood seeping from her mouth from what I could see. Quiet sobs left my lips as I tried not falling to the ground. There was only one person who could've done this...

But... Jimmy would never do such a thing! Yes, he may seem a little cold and distant at times but that doesn't mean he's a murderer! He's my boyfriend, he's... he's supposed to be the good guy...

Who else could have done that though? What else could've done that? I looked back at Daisuke.

His head was open, I stated that multiple times... But with what? A pipe couldn't have done that, and the axe was in Swansea's care... Then that would explain him being tied up in a chair.

The more I thought about it, the more it made sense.

The harsh reaction I had when I told him I got the job, Anya's usual attitude falling when he was around, looking scared and over all staying quiet... Her words. It all made sense

Not only did he go on a killing spree, but he cheated, he forced himself onto Anya, he traumatized her. He didn't kill her, she killed herself because of him, and that was far worse.

The love I previously had for him seemed to just disappear at that moment, being replaced with guilt, anger.

I heard shuffling, my head snapping to see him.

I looked at Jimmy in absolute horror. No tears, no sobbing, nothing left my lips. There was only one feeling remaining though...

Disgust.

He called out my name, and I couldn't stop the shiver of fear that rushed through me.

"Please... Let me explain."

"Explain what?" I questioned, voice barely audible.

He opened his mouth to speak, but he stuttered, not knowing how to even start his sentence. Pathetic.

"I... I had to! Anya fucking killed herself because of a stupid depressive episode she had! Daisuke got injured in the vents while trying to save her, I tried to save him too, but he was badly injured and Swansea fucking killed him! I had to shoot Swansea in self-defense because he wanted to kill both of us. He tied you up and wanted to kill me because he wanted the cryogen pod all to himself! That was his plan all along! He wanted to leave all of us for dead." His excuses only made me hate him more.

Anya killing herself because of an episode? Swansea killing Daisuke because there was no hope? Him shooting Swansea in self-defense? His story had shitty plot holes, and even I could see that with the two minutes I had to look around.

"..." I stayed quiet, just staring at him in disbelief that he could make up such a statement. How many excuses and lies did he tell me while we were dating?

"... Baby, please-"

"Don't call me that." I hissed, cutting him off mid-sentence, I didn't want to hear any more excuses, any more pleas, nothing. "I'm done." He stared at me in confusion, but I could see his usual irritation growing.

"Done with what?" He hissed back, voice lower, brows knitting together in irritation.

"I'm done with you." I grumbled. I watched him as his grip on the gun got tighter. "I'm done with dealing with your temper tantrums, I'm done with being patient, I'm done with listening to your every order, and I'm done with your cheating."

"Cheating? What are you talking about-"

"I don't want to listen to your annoying voice anymore, Jimmy. I have tried time and time again to ignore your flaws, I tried to see the best in you, but I can't anymore." My heart was beating in my ears. From fear? From anger? I couldn't tell. "All this time while I was on the Tulpar- No, while I've been dating you, you have shown that you don't care about me, and I don't even know why I decided to stay with you for this long."

I could hear his angered breathing even from this far away, which made my fears worsen, but at this point I'd rather be shot than survive.

"Shoot me. I'd rather be dead than carry the burden that I chose to be with you." I mumbled, my voice quieter now as I gave him a challenging look.

The two of us were consumed by silence once more, the sparks of faulty wiring and his intense breathing giving me a sense of anticipation.

I watched him as he raised the gun, a look that I could only describe as disappointment resting on his face.

"You don't understand." He grumbled, the gun aimed at my head. I only glared at him, daring him to pull the trigger. "And I know you never will."

With that, I watched him pull the trigger the last thing I heard was a loud bang before my body hit the floor.

[dendro-bunny]

My Only Star

Xavier x (fem) Reader

Genre: Hurt to comfort, fluffy but angsty

Synopsis: He’s an attractive guy, so it’s only natural that he would get a lot of attention. You know he prefers to be incognito, yet that voice in your head is loud and can’t be ignored.

Warnings: Anxiety, body dysmorphia, Jealousy, Depressive thoughts, FLUFFY ENDING I PROMISE

(A/n): hhhhh my bias wrecker. ISTG THAT BUNNY MEMORY HAD ME SQUEALINGDNKAVDKSBD, Also I saw someone say that my last fic made them feel beautiful. YOU ALL ARE BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE YOU AND I FEEL LIKE IM WORTH SOMETHING CAUSE YOU READ AND LIKE MY FICS JDHAHAJVDJA. Anyway TO THE FIC!

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The sound of your shoes hitting the ground is muffled by the harsh rain. Your pace isn’t slow, but you can’t find the strength to run. The rain doesn’t bother you. It hides the constant flow of tears going down your face.

You know you shouldn’t feel like this. You know it’s stupid. You know he thinks you’re stupid for acting like this. Yet every bone in your body aches with sadness. Because it’s not fair. It’s not right. You were standing right there and it still happened again.

You look across the table at your wonderful hunting partner and boyfriend. You see he begins to doze off again.

“Sorry babe am I boring you?” You give him a cheeky smile. Xavier jolts awake and gives a tired smile.

“It’s not you. I was up late for a job and hadn’t had much sleep. Not to mention rain always makes me sleepy.” He gives a big yawn and rubs his eyes. He picks you hand up and gives it a soft kiss. You feel you face start to heat up.

“Just know, you could never bore me. I sleep easier at your side not because you’re boring but because yours soothing. And I-” He’s interrupted by the waitress coming over with a drink in her hand, menus in the other.

“Hi sorry for the wait, this drink was sent by the lady at the bar over there, in the green. And what can I get you started with today.” You can tell she’s nervous when putting the drink down especially when she sees you hand slink back to your side of the table.

Xavier has an unreadable expression. His eyes locked on the cup then on you. Then he looks over to the bar with his eyebrows furrowed. You turn over slowly fearing the worse.

And your fears come true, she’s gorgeous… From her hair to her heels she’s perfect. Poised and graceful. You can tell by just the way she laughs with the bartender that she’s outgoing. Her body was everything you wish yours was. Ofc she took interest in Xavier they would be perfect together…

“Babe… Babe.” Xavier speaks firmly snapping you back to reality. He gives a concerned look. “Are you ok? It’s your turn to order.” He fiddles with his fingers nervously wondering what is going on in your head.

“Uh- Sorry the game was on the tv over there . Heh, got distracted.” You manage to play it off and order normally. You’re able to push away the thoughts for a second. As the waitress walks away you turn to you hunter boyfriend.

“Are… you going to drink that? Yk, the… gift.” It’s your turn to fiddle as you stare at him with pursed lips.

“Uhm I wasn’t planning on it. Yk I’m not much of a drinker outside of our home.” He gives you a questioning look.

“But… I don’t know what to do with it… I don’t want to be rude…” He really seems deep in thought about it.

You give a small sigh of relief, that immediately gets sucked back in with a gasp and the green dressed lady stands in front of your table.

“Hello cutie… and girl…” she gives you a side eye “I see you’ve got my gift! Why don’t you come to the bar and drink it with me. We don’t want it to go to waste, plus I’m sure sucks in the mud like your friend here don’t party well.” She completely ignores you for him. Giving you snide snarky remarks. You hear giggles at the bar and see similar dressed women in different colors looking over at your boyfriend.

“We’re actually dating.” He says bluntly.

“I’m sure she won’t mind if you have fun. What kind of girlfriend would she be?” She tilts her head and the strap of her dress falls down her shoulder.

You feel your breath picking up, your jaw begins to hurt from holding your tears back. Your hands shake and tremble with every thought.

This is the part he leaves you.

It gonna happen eventually why not now.

He’s too good for you. They are perfect together.

How could you actually believe he would love you when people like her exist.

You stand up and bolt for the door. Xavier’s calls fall deaf on your ears. Only the bell of the restaurant’s door is heard as you speed to the nearest train station. Which is where you are now. At least you’re out of the rain in the underground station. You can feel the pneumonia seeping into your bones. That feeling is none compared to the heart ache you feel. He hadn’t even chased after you. He probably is with her right now.

You rub your shoulders to shake off the cold. Then you feel a warmth cloth being set on your shoulders. You look at see ash blond hair and blue nebula eyes staring at you.

“I was looking all over for you… I didn’t see where you went cause our food came and I knew you would be hungry so I asked for to-go plates.” You look and see the bag in his hands. You turn back to face the train and stare ahead. Your eyes sore and dry from all the tears ripped from your tear ducts.

“Did you think she was pretty… Of course you did… how couldn’t you. I mean look at her, not a strand of hair out of place. I wish I had her body…” You brush your hair out of your face as it sticks to you. You’re soaked and couldn’t care less about the fact you look like a drowned rat.

“She was perfect, you would be nice together-“ you speech is ended by his lips crashing into yours. Normally is kisses are chaste and soft, conveying is endless patience and care for you. But this kiss of full of unconditional love and all the words of assurance you could ever get. He’s not the best with words he knows that. But today he’s willing to try.

“Fuck her. Not literally like I wanna fuck her. I- hhh I mean to hell with her. I don’t want to spend my entire existence with some girl who throws herself at every attractive man she sees.” His motions to towards the restaurant. You can see he’s struggling with how to convey how he feels. He collects his thoughts and speaks again.

“I don’t want to be with someone who only looks at me from the outside. I want you.” He cups your face.”

“I only want you. Out of all the stars in the sky you shine the brightest. Because you’re my star. My only star. The perfect laugh, the perfect body, the perfect personality, the perfect smile, the perfect heart. You are my one and only perfect star.” He gives you the most passionate kiss he can muster. Hoping you reciprocate it.

When you do he relaxes in the kiss. You begin to sob into his chest with you pull away. Apologizing for ruining the night. Him insisting that it wasn’t you how ruined the night.

“How about we go home, I’d much rather be there than some restaurant and bar. Plus I’m tired of people hitting on us.” You give him a questioning look.

“Oh when you left the bar. Some guy asked if you were single now and I punched him in the throat… which is also why I took so long and we’re- I’m not allowed back at the restaurant.” He gives you an awkward smile.

You begin to bend over laughing at the absurdity of the situation. “You’re not the type to punch someone!”

“He was just unlucky, I wanted to punch something and he spoke last. Honestly he had it coming.” You laugh harder and in your laughter you miss the way he gives you a soft smile.

How could you not know he’s beyond whipped for you. He would transcend space and time just to be with you in the next life… like he has before. 

He’ll do it again.

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It’s 4:30 am as I’m finishing this. What did I say about bias wrecker?! HELLO SIR GET OUT MY HEAD!

Guys understand something though you are not your body, or looks. You are a person with feeling and emotions and every feeling you experience is valid and someone has felt something similar to. And I love you for who you are and what you could be. Not what you were and what you aren’t 🫶

[afterdarkprincess]

Between the Pages

Pairing: Bret Hart/Shawn Michaels (pre-relationship) Rating: Explicit Word Count: 3,427 Summary: Bret confiscates a copy of Shawn's Playgirl from the locker room and gives it a read in the privacy of his hotel room, discovering some things about himself.

AO3 link

Shoutout to @taydaq - your headcanon of Bret reading the interview directly inspired this 💖

This fic is Explicit and includes Masturbation and fantasies of Oral and Anal Sex- 18+ only. Full Tag list on AO3

tag squad: @feelschicken @elementaldoughnut12 @jeysbvck @harmshake @southerngirl41 @imabillyami @ambreignsfan4life (if you would like to be added to the list or I missed you please let me know!)

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Between the Pages

Bret Hart is a professional.

He comes into work, does his job, and goes home. He’s damn good at it, and he’s not one for gossip and drama. Whatever the rest of the guys in the locker room have going on in their personal lives that’s their own damn business as far as Bret is concerned.

Unfortunately sometimes they make their business his business.

Bret’s already not in the greatest mood when he gets to the arena for Raw that night. It’s been a rough few months with the contract negotiations, and his tolerance for bullshit has been pushed to the limit lately.

So when he walks past the door to the locker room, hearing giggles and tussling from the grown ass men he’s supposed to be coworkers with, his hackles are already raised.

He enters the room, unsurprised to find mostly the young and immature members of the roster playing keep-away with something.

“C’mon I wanna see-“

“I bet you do, Butch. Surprised you don’t have one of these in your gym bag.”

“No way man, Michaels ain’t my type!”

Bret fights the urge to roll his eyes at the Champ’s name. Of course that’s what this is about.

“Hey!” His voice bounces off the concrete walls, cutting through the noise and shutting everyone up. He stares at the guy whose clearly trying to hide something behind his back. “Give it here or I’m telling management to bench all of you.”

Sheepishly the man hands it over, Bret snatching it out of his hands as soon as it’s within reach.

“Bunch of children, I swear. Fighting over this garbage.” The shiny paper crinkles under his grip. “Who gives a shit what’s in here anyway, probably just Micheals on an ego trip as usual.”

A few of them start to protest but he just shakes his head and takes his leave, thankful that he and his brothers have the luxury of a separate locker room. He looks down at the crumpled magazine in his hand as he goes through the doorway, and of course he runs headfirst into someone.

“Sorry, are you—“ When he looks up, he finds the same face staring back as the one grinning up from the magazine cover. “Shawn, you good?”

He looks him up and down, the champ looks fine physically, no harm from the collision, but there’s an odd look on his face that Bret can’t quite place.

“Fine, fine.” Shawn replies, with a smile on his face that doesn’t quite meet his eyes. “Nothing that you need to worry about, Hitman.”

Bret hesitates. Something is clearly not right here, but his relationship with Shawn these days isn’t the greatest. He really doesn’t wanna push or pry where he’s not wanted and make things worse.

“Okay- I’ll, uh. See you around.” Bret takes a step back to leave and waves, realizing too late that the hand he waves with is still holding the trashy girly magazine. With Shawn on the cover.

If someone could just strike him down now that would be great.

Shawn laughs real and genuine for a moment before an almost sadness returns to his eyes. “Yeah, see you around.”

It doesn’t sit well with him, but he has no choice but to leave it at that.

They’d been almost friends at one point, years ago now, before things got all… complicated. They’d never been as close as Bret is to his brothers of course, but their chemistry in the ring had translated well outside of it too. They’d even tagged a few times, but then Shawn had made other friends and the business isn’t kind. It’s cutthroat, every man for himself. And Shawn had shown himself to be in it for just that, himself.

But still he wonders sometimes what might be if Shawn hadn’t fallen in with the wrong crowd.

Surely he wouldn’t be nearly nude on the cover of some porn magazine.

Thankfully the Hart locker room is empty when he arrives. He should probably just throw the damn magazine away, but instead he shoves it hastily into his gym bag, where it stays safely hidden away from his brothers’ prying eyes.

—

Bret doesn’t have a huge part to play on Raw that night, just a promo and a backstage spot before he’s done for the evening.

Usually he would hang around for a while to see the rest of the show, but he’d spent most of the day in a car and the comfort of a hotel room bed was calling his name.

He didn’t think about the copy of Playgirl hiding at the bottom of his bag, forgetting it’s existence entirely until after he’d gotten a nice hot shower and was getting ready to settle in for the night.

Bret dove his hand inside the bag, searching for a fresh pair of briefs and was taken aback by the sound of rustling paper.

“Oh yeah,” He mumbles out loud, rescuing the crumpled up pages before returning to his search. He tosses the magazine onto the bed and puts on the briefs before climbing in himself.

He’s tired, but it’s early still. And he has to admit his curiosity is piqued.

Bret smooths out the cover of the magazine, eyes roaming over his scantily clad coworker as he reads the various headlines about other male celebrities. It is a decent shot of Shawn, signature cocky smile staring out of the page.

The blurb about his interview reads “This Heartbreak Kid Is Single, Sexy, And Waiting To Get Wet With You!” the text tucked into the glistening curve of his armpit and ribs.

What a joke. Who on earth reads this stuff?

He flips through the pages, trying to avert his eyes as much as possible in case he gets an eyeful of more than he bargained for. He knows what kind of stuff they get away with in Playboy, who knows what they do in Playgirl. Mostly he just sees ads for perfume and razors among the articles until he finds the full page spread of photos of Shawn, in and out of the ring, that mark the beginning of his interview.

The insert proclaims, “the World Wrestling Federation’s CHAMPION LOVER had our hearts pinned to the mat in record time!!” right over a shot of Shawn stretched out on a bed, looking inviting.

“This is really what the guys in the locker room were fighting over?” He mumbles to himself in the quiet of the hotel room.

He begins to read the interview, which is mostly just vapid nonsense. How did he handle all the adoring women fans and being “single and searching”. and if he ever yearned for a normal life.

He flips the page and is confronted with a large photo of a clearly nude Shawn with only a bedsheet covering his crotch. He looks vulnerable, hair tossed delicately over one shoulder. If his exposed chest hadn’t been completely coated in a dark covering of hair, he could almost pass as a girl.

A tiny flame of arousal comes to life in Bret’s stomach.

“Huh,” It’s a tiny sound, no more than a grunt that escapes his lips. He tries not to think about that too much and reads on.

Does the idea of somebody biting at your heels, the next WWF Champion wanna-be ever worry you? You know what? I don't think so. I'm just confident in my ability. I don't sweat anybody. Nobody can wrestle longer than I can, nobody can make people yell louder than me for more. And if they can, I just work harder.

That gets Bret’s blood boiling. “Just who the hell does he think he is?” He scoffs at the page, unamused. That’s the exact kind of attitude in these up and comers that he just can’t stand, the kind of shit that’s gotten him and Shawn into disagreements in the past.

A voice in the back of his head, one with more rational sense than he has right now, reminds him that of course Shawn would play up his confidence in this interview for all the ladies.

It shouldn’t bother him.

He scans through the rest of the questions on the page, mostly inane things about pushy fans. The next page is mostly text with a few in ring photos, should be more interesting questions.

So what's the first thing that attracts you to a woman?

Or not.

Apparently Micheals likes smart girls. How interesting.

Back to the physical. What kind of hair and eyes? Brunettes first and foremost. That seems to be the pattern. Eyes…not really a color- it's just something about them, that there's something behind them. It's just one of those things that has to hit me immediately. That's how everything important has been in my life. If I don't get swept off my feet right away, I figure it isn't all that real.

Bret’s fingers wander to his own dark hair, tucking a loose strand behind his ear as his memory brings forth several occasions where Shawn lost his train of thought while making eye contact with him, in the ring or backstage.

But that didn’t mean anything right? Shawn’s talking about his taste in girls, that doesn’t have anything to do with him.

The heat in his gut grows a little bit, and he feels it in his face too.

Being the WWF champion makes you the best-known and most popular wrestler in the world, doesn't it? (Modestly) Well, I'd like to think so.

A better answer, a political one. Bret can’t blame him there.

He skims through the next few questions, flipping the page to be greeted with several shots of Shawn post-shower, dripping wet and wearing nothing but a towel. A sight he’s intimately familiar with from so many years of shared locker rooms, but never with Shawn looking at him like that.

Bret feels himself stirring a little in his shorts, and he tries desperately not to think about that too much, instead reading around the photos. Unfortunately they’re mostly silly ones about the hearts on his gear, if women get intimidated by him, so on and so on. Softball questions meant to titillate the target audience.

The interviewer asked how Shawn got the nickname “Boy Toy”, something Bret had been curious about as well, even though he’d been around when Shawn’s gimmick shifted. Apparently the moniker had been given to him by an older woman around that time.

Why do you think she called you that? I guess I was some form of object to her at the time.

He goes on to say that he doesn’t mind being objectified, which Bret can understand, it is part of the deal in their line of work. But knowing that his nickname, something Bret’s thrown at him both in ring and out came from such an unsavory comment; it doesn’t sit right with him.

Shawn hasn’t always been his favorite person, sure. And he had to have agreed to using the Boy Toy gimmick, which he plays so well. But something about that answer feels so sad?

Maybe it’s the lingering look of sadness he noticed in Shawn’s eyes, but there’s a soft undercurrent to some the answers that show a glint of the unsure young man Bret used to know. It’s far more compelling to him than the obnoxious act Shawn puts on, no clear line where his character ends and he begins.

Bret feels a tugging in his chest- maybe he’s been too harsh on Shawn these last few years. The soft spot he had for the younger man is still there underneath all the misunderstandings.

He’s also acutely aware that Shawn’s being objectified in these photos, and the insistent pressure in his groin proves he’s not immune.

The last page has another half-page spread of Shawn on a bed, covered again in a sheet, stormy blue eyes staring back at him.

The thumb holding the page brushes softly against the waterfall of Shawn’s hair almost against his will. Has Michaels always been this…. pretty?

Underneath the photo is a blurb, a quote from an answer he hasn’t gotten to yet.

”I’ve been told that for a man, I'm overly affectionate. I'm kissy-kissy, touchy-touchy, feely-feely”

Bret drops the magazine.

Every match, every practice, every scrap in the ring, all of it comes back to him now. The feel of Shawn’s body wrapped around him, underneath of him, beside him.

He doesn’t know how to process this wave of feelings, the weight of what this attraction means, how weak he feels to it. He’s never considered himself gay before, but can he really be that queer when Shawn is so soft and feminine?

He’s not sure but Bret wants him.

His dick is hard, aching. He sticks his hand under the fabric, biting his other hand to stifle the noise he makes as he takes himself in hand.

He doesn’t waste any time, gripping himself tight and screwing his eyes shut, his imagination running wild.

Shawn’s lips wrapped around him, staring up at him with those eyes, looking at him the way he looks in the damn girly magazine.

Shawn’s hands tangled in Bret’s hair as he rides him, hips bouncing as their lips connect, swallowing down his whines.

Shawn beside him in the bed, grinning as he jerks Bret off, poking fun at the noises he makes with a warm undercurrent of fondness.

Bret’s already getting close, between the visions of Shawn in his head and the sweet pressure and glide of his hand around him, eased with the copious amount of precum that leaks from his tip.

“You gonna come for me, Hitman?” Shawn’s breath tickles his ear before tugging his earlobe between his teeth playfully.

He lets out a noise that’s somewhere between a whimper and grunt as his muscles tense and he erupts onto his waiting palm.

Breathing heavily as he comes back down to earth, the reality of what he’s done settles onto his shoulders and shame floods in. What does this mean for his sexuality? How on earth is he going to be able to face Shawn in the locker room? In a match??

He covers his face with a pillow and lets out a long groan.

“Fuck!”

—

The next day Bret is tired. He’d been kept up, plagued by thoughts of Shawn in all kinds of compromising positions. When he did sleep they came again in his dreams, leaving him hard again when the alarm clock went off.

He took a cold shower before getting on the road. He had a three and a half hour drive to make it to the city where he’s set to perform tonight, just a house show but he’d like to hit up a gym before call time.

Bret resolutely tries not to think about Shawn Michaels or the magazine that’s tucked into the bottom of his suitcase. He blares the radio instead, letting the familiar noise drown everything out.

He wasn’t sure if Shawn was on the card for the show tonight, but with him being Champ at the moment it’s hard to imagine he won’t be.

Either way nothing had changed as far as Shawn is concerned. They’re still two guys who don’t particularly like each other.

He’ll just have to keep himself composed when he sees Shawn. Act like everything is normal and he didn’t spend the previous evening thinking of him while jerking off.

He can definitely do this.

“And that’s when I told the guy to buzz off and get out of the bar!”

The sound of Shawn’s voice is followed by laughter. He’s surrounded by his usual gang of friends- Hunter, Diesel and a few others, when Bret arrives to the arena.

He tries not to pay them any notice, hoping that he can make it to the safety of his private locker room without having to interact with them. For a minute he thinks he succeeded, keeping his head down as he walks past, only breathing once the sound of their laughter starts to fade.

But then he hears footsteps. “Ey- Hitman! Wait up, won’t ya?”

Of course.

Of course it’s Shawn.

Bret turns, watches Shawn jog to catch up to him. He’s not in his ring gear yet, instead he’s wearing a nearly see through muscle tank with sweatpants. His hair looks freshly dried, curls a little frizzy from the humidity.

“H-hey Shawn,” He tries for nonchalant, hopes that Shawn buys it. Thankfully he still has his sunglasses on so there’s no chance of Shawn seeing the panic in his eyes.

“Wanted to get your advice on somethin’-“ Shawn starts talking animatedly about a match idea he wants to pitch to management, but Bret loses track of what he’s asking almost immediately.

His eyes get lost somewhere between the light in Shawn’s eyes and the sultry curve of his lips as he talks. He thinks about how Shawn’s lips would feel against his, how Shawn’s curls would look after rolling around in the sheets underneath him.

Bret only realizes that Shawn’s stopped talking when his eyebrows knit together and he suddenly looks pissed.

“Were you even fucking listening?” He rolls his eyes. “And you claim that I’m full of myself, you know I don’t even know why I bother when all you do is act like you’re so much better than me-“

Fuck. He has to fix this.

“Shawn-“ He interjects but he gets steamrolled.

“But all you are is a fucking JACKASS, Bret.”

“You’re right.”

That gets his attention. “I’m right? You’re damn right I’m right.”

“I’ve been a jackass, Shawn. Yeah I wasn’t listening, but it’s.” He sighs, trying to decide how much to say. “It’s not what you think, I’m sorry, okay?”

Shawn looks wary. “If it’s not what I think then what is it?”

Bret feels panic rising in his chest. He can’t just fucking spill his guts to Shawn. He doesn’t know how Shawn will react, hell Shawn might not be gay at all, he did just do a whole interview about how great ladies are. He might punch Bret right in the face, have his friends beat him up, hell he could tell the whole locker room and make his life a living hell if he so chose.

No way he can tell him the truth. Not now anyway.

He searches for something to say, but he can’t find any good excuse. He’s terrified and frustrated and all he can do is stare at Shawn and think about just kissing that distrusting look of his face.

But he can’t of course.

When he doesn’t answer, the scowl on Shawn’s face deepens with hurt. “Fuck off Bret.” He spits before turning on his heel and heading back towards his friends.

He makes it a few feet before Bret realizes he’s fucked up even further.

“Shawn- wait!” He reaches out and grabs Shawn’s upper arm, holding tight even as Shawn tries to wrench out of his grasp.

“Get your hands off me-“

“I read your interview.” The words fall out of his mouth, hanging between them as Shawn goes still. “In the girly magazine, I read it, okay?”

“Oh.”

Bret’s fingers burn where they’re still holding on to Shawn’s arm. After a moment Shawn’s other hand moves slowly and wraps around his wrist, not moving to pull it off of him, just another point of contact between them.

Shawn’s eyes stare into his, like he’s sizing him up, searching for something. He stares right back, unable to look away.

For just a second he imagines that Shawn sways towards him, like he might bridge the gap between them, for what he doesn’t know.

But suddenly someone clears their throat and the moment is over.

Behind Shawn stands Hunter, with one eyebrow cocked, looking at them both suspiciously.

“Everything good here?”

The question is clearly aimed at Shawn, but Bret answers anyway. “Yeah man, all good. Was just leaving.”

He lets go of Shawn’s arm, taking a step back, but Shawn’s fingers stay locked around his wrist, not letting go.

“Shawn?” Hunter puts a hand on Shawn’s shoulder, and it seems to break Shawn from whatever spell he’s under.

His fingers release Bret’s hand, and he steps back into Hunter. “Yeah, let’s go.”

Bret watches as they go, befuddled as to what the hell just happened. Shawn looks back at him for just a moment, a small smile on his lips as their eyes meet.

His stomach is doing Moonsaults, but he feels something like hope.

He keeps the magazine.

[theycallme-thejackal]

One MidgeLenny x TSwift Fic Per Day

188. Electric Touch

For once in her life, she's not running late. In fact, there's a full hour until he's coming to pick her up, and she's almost completely ready. Her makeup is done. Her hair is perfect. She tried on five different dresses before settling on this one for their date.

Their date. She's going on a date with Lenny Bruce.

She exhales a shuddering breath and resists the urge to bite her lip; she doesn't want to ruin the lipstick she'd so painstakingly applied just right. She reaches into her jewelry box, pulling out her earrings and putting them on with slightly shaky hands.

She's tried to fall in love. And it has always fallen apart. She even thought it had fallen apart with Lenny after Carnegie. But then, just as she was leaving to try to find her way home in that blizzard, his hand had circled her wrist, somehow both tender and firm. And he just said, "Look, I'm sorry I yelled, but I care about you too much to let you fuck up your career."

She stared at him, trying to muster up indignation, anger with him, but he was giving her those sad puppy dog eyes, and she couldn't manage anything other than gratitude.

Because she knew he was right. She knows he was right.

He offered to sleep on the couch, and she'd rolled her eyes. "We're adults. We can share a bed." He looked nervous at that, but he nodded and gave her one of his shirts to sleep in.

They turned their backs to one another under the covers, and she remembers being unable to sleep for the longest time with him so close and yet so far away.

Eventually, though, she had drifted off to sleep and woken up facing the other way, her head on his chest, his arms wrapped around her.

"Huh," he murmured as he woke up as well. "This is..."

She waited for a moment for him to finish, and when he didn't, she swallowed nervously and then said, "Nice?"

He chuckled. "I was gonna say 'unexpected', but yeah...it's nice."

She gets up from her vanity and slips into her shoes before going out into the living room. The kids are with Joel, and her parents are at the theatre, so there's not even someone in the apartment to distract her at the moment.

Fortunately the phone rings, and she grabs it on the first ring. "Hello?"

"Jesus, you're fuckin' nervous," Susie grumbles on the other end.

She huffs at that. "I'm not nervous," she insists petulantly.

"Hey, you saw me stumbling over my words and forgetting who the fuck I was the first time I met him," Susie tells her, surprisingly comforting in this moment.

Midge furrows her brow. "Wow. You usually hate the guys I date. I expected you to fight this a hell of a lot more."

Susie scoffs. "Look, I'm not thrilled you're gonna date a comic, but at least this one's funny. You could do a hell of a lot worse than Lenny Bruce. Hell, you have done worse. You had kids with worse."

"My kids are great," Midge retorts.

"Yeah, are you sure they're Joel's?" Susie quips.

"Yes, I'm sure!" Midge squeaks.

Susie laughs in response. "I was fuckin' kidding, Midge! Shit."

The younger woman takes another deep breath and exhales slowly. "I know," she mutters. "I just...yeah, I'm really nervous. I really...I really want this to work," she admits, her voice quiet.

Susie groans. "Miriam, the guy's been in love with you for...well, basically forever. Just get your shit together. I don't think there's anything you could do to send him screaming into the night."

"Maybe show up in a wedding dress?" Midge asks.

"He'd just take you to fuckin' Atlantic City and call your bluff," Susie responds with a chuckle.

"Ah! Shit!"

Midge furrows her brow and looks toward the door. "What time is it?" She asks Susie.

"Uh, it's seven-thirty," Susie answers. "What, you don't have clocks in that fancy apartment?"

"He's not supposed to be here until eight!" Midge squeaks.

"Fuck, doesn't he know you're never on time?" Susie grumbles.

"I've been ready for thirty minutes."

There's silence on the other end. And then, "Fuck! You're already fucking in love with him!"

"Susie, I have to go," Midge says.

"You fuckin' f--"

She puts the phone down and smooths her dress before heading toward the door and opening it slowly, finding Lenny in the hallway, rubbing his knee with one hand and holding a bouquet of flowers in the other.

She tilts her head as she watches him, not yet aware of her presence, and she feels a wave of deep affection for him. "Chair jump out at you?" She asks with a grin.

His head snaps up at her, and he chuckles sheepishly. "Yeah, I haven't had the best luck with this building."

"Maybe I should move," she offers. "Wouldn't want to keep putting you in danger."

He grins and shakes his head. "Or maybe I should just stop pacing nervously because I was forty minutes early getting here." He looks down at the flowers in his hand before moving closer to her. He holds them out. "These are for you. Or your mother if I need to get on her good side," he jokes.

She grins and takes them, inhaling their scent. "They're beautiful, Lenny," she replies, opening the door wider and inviting him in. "So...forty minutes, huh?" She asks as he steps inside.

He shrugs, giving her a sheepish smile.

She heads toward the kitchen, inviting him to follow. "I'm usually ten minutes late for everything," she tells him as she pulls out a vase and fills it with water. "Tonight I was ready an hour early."

His anxiety seems to fade a bit, and he breathes, "Yeah?"

She nods. "Yeah."

He moves toward her then, and once she puts the flowers in the water, he reaches out and brushes a tendril of hair away from her eyes. He cups her cheek in his hand and gazes down at her for a moment before closing the distance and kissing her gently.

She melts immediately, the remainder of her nerves fading, and she wraps her fingers around the lapels of his jacket.

It's a long moment before he breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against hers. "Hungry?" He asks. "I made a reservation like a responsible adult."

"Will you steal my food again?" She teases.

"You did say you love that," he replies, laughing quietly.

She smiles and nods, letting him take her hand and lead her toward the door, where she grabs her purse. As they head for the elevator, she thinks that this could either break her heart or bring it back to life.

She has a pretty good feeling it'll be the latter.

[cigarettesandinevitablebetrayal]

10, 15, 21, and 30 for end of the year fic questions!

So, fun fact, I meant to answer this on January 1st, but then I got to a question that stumped me a bit and put it down. And, because I have worse ADHD than Remus or Ortega, I promptly fucking forgot about it. Sorry. But! Here they are now:

10. A fic you wrote this year that was different from what you usually write

Literally any of the OC Kiss fics. I'm not usually a microfic writer (although I tried a drabble challenge ages ago) and most certainly not a pure fluff writer. And then writing with a character not my own (as far as OCs go) is something I had actually never done before. All in all, they're fun little experiments and also function as challenges to push me into thinking about how to write more succinct without losing too much story.

15. Two things you've achieved this year that you're most proud of

a) The zine pieces. Like I said above, I'm not a microfic writer and the restraints on the written zine pieces were incredibly tight. I want through like four drafts of just the roughs before finally getting it down to the right length. And then I had to do that again after editing. But they got done and on time! Which, is also new for me. I usually don't join giveaways, exchanges, or things with hard time lines because I am very, very bad at writing on a schedule.

b) The Ricardo chapter of Stand Tall to the Beast. I've had that fic idea in my mind since before Retri dropped - though it has changed and adapted as Rashad did. There's absolutely nothing more satisfying than blocking out a scene for a long time in your head and finally putting it to paper. I'm so happy with how it turned out, too. I struggled with writing fights for ages. Writing a fic that's primarily a fight scene is a big leap for me.

21. Most memorable comment/review/praise you received this year

Oh, gods. Uh. The sad thing is, it's not that I don't remember my memorable comments, but that I don't remember which I got this year. The all caps screaming is always a good one or any variation of "Excuse me while I lay on the floor and cry". But if you pull specific quotes from my writing into the comments, I'll love you forever.

30. Five fics you read this year that you'd like to recommend

So, this one was a bit of a struggle, because I don't generally read a lot of fanfic. I barely read full stop because I'm a very busy guy with a TBR list in the 200s. I'm also a vehement hater of reading digitally, so that's a struggle for me. But! Here are some of the fics I've read since coming back to FHR that I've loved to little pieces:

Justifications by old_reflexes: I fucking love how old_reflexes writes Ortega. There's just this fun spiral into temporary madness that comes attached with little streamers of rationalization that make me kick my feet. Just completely unwell in a very mundane and also highly entertaining manner

Couldn't Hide It From Me by bookishTomato: Arsinoe's little adventures with Anathema are some of my favorite of the series. There's such a calm and easy emotional intimacy that feels like home.

The Anomaly Series by godshaper: I desperately need to reread these because I was sick and half delirious when I read them, but the concept is so fucking fascinating, it just itches my brain. The tone is immaculate.

You Are My Stranger (and See How We Have Closed) by tentaclemonster: Definitely a dead dove do not eat situation because this is pretty dark fic. However, it's also one of the best examples of intimate characterization and incredibly tastefully written given its subject. Read at your own risk.

[fanfic-obsessed]

Vet Bar

This is a scene I started to write that wants to be turned into a larger fic but I just can't seem to get further. So I release it to all of you, may it find it's forever home.

For thse of you who do not know this is from Umbrella Academy, season 1. It's an AU of the Vet Bar Scene after Klaus comes back: “This is a vets only bar, fella’s”

“I am a Vet”

“Yeah, where’d you serve”

“None of your business”

Klaus heard the other man step forward, in the corner of his mind he was impressed with the amount of menace the soldier was able to imbue into the rustle of cloth. He still couldn’t take his eyes off of the picture of Dave, even as Diego started to step in. 

A new voice cutting his brothers' apologies off, actually drew Klaus' full attention, “Come off it Craig, look at the way he moved. The one in green definitely saw action somewhere.”

Klaus was finally able to draw his eyes away from the picture. Craig was peering at him, defensiveness slowly draining from his frame.  The other man was a little older than Craig, not old enough for Vietnam, but maybe the tail end of Korea. When he saw that he had Klaus’s attention, he smiled. “Sorry about that. We usually don’t care, but there have been a couple of stupid kids about your age in lately. They keep bugging people with questions about ‘shooting bad guys’.”

Klaus snorted, “Worse than the FNG’s”

The rest of the tension drained from Craig. He gestured with his head towards the bar. “Yeah, I‘ve had to talk a few friends down from the ledge after the bastards stirred some shit up. I'll buy you both a drink. To apologize.”

Klaus shrugged and didn’t even look at Diego as he stepped forward. Diego followed with an air of suspicious menace. 

The man who had intervened returned behind the bar, pulling the liquor to make three drinks. “I’m guessing however you served was fucked up and difficult to explain.”

Klaus jolted, he was having a hard time focusing on anything. His hands still felt tacky with Dave’s blood. As he rubbed his hands together he caught the eye of the unnamed barman. “Why do you say that?”

The man smiled, something sad and understanding pulling across his face. “Didn’t know until I got a good look at your face. I bought this bar from another Vet. Got all the way through fighting the Nazi’s intact before leaving half an arm in ‘Nam. He insisted that picture,” the bartender gestured at the picture of Klaus’s squad, “stay up. I’ve spent more than a few nights using it to block out the memories.”

The physical burn of the liquor was helping to ground Klaus in the here and now, though everything still felt jagged. It took a few moments for the bartenders words to parse, “Fucked up is probably the least of it.” 

The bartender hummed, but thankfully didn’t ask any of the questions that must have been going through his mind. Or perhaps they weren’t. Maybe this man knew who he was outside of being an anachronism in a picture from fifty years ago.  Maybe he assumed it was some strange Umbrella Academy thing.  

“How long have you been out?” Craig asked, his voice softened into something careful. The pitch and tone just so to pierce his fugue, without startling him or making him defensive. It was impressive since there were days when the only thing that Klaus knew he was was defensive. Even without the war.

From the corner of his eyes he saw the flash of black that meant that Ben had caught up with them from whatever wandering he had done. The ghost was staring at the picture with Dave intently. Klaus wondered what he was seeing. If he could see the important parts without having to be told. 

“Uh…a few hours, I think?” Klaus answered. From the look on Diego’s face Klaus may have missed some parts of the conversation. He could almost see Diego mentally listing what Klaus could be on.  

“I’m guessing you didn’t even get the piss poor discharge speech and directions to the local VA?” Craig asked. 

An ugly sound that resembled nothing so much as laughing through a mouth of broken glass escaped Klaus. “I won’t exactly have discharge paperwork, will I?” The world was going wavy again, the air starting to thin. “Not sure if there are any records of me at all, save that picture.” 

Ben was moving closer, a concerned look on his face. Diego was starting to move as well, his concern masked by a facade of rage like usual. Klaus was actually surprised how long the shorter man had held off on demanding answers. The demand on Diego’s lips halted when the door to the bar flung open. Klaus was not the only one to start, hand shooting to the pistol that was not there.  Craig shot to his feet, as defensive and angry as he had been. Even Diego spun to face the door, a knife in each fist.  The only one who didn’t jolt was the bartender, and his hand drifted below the bar. 

Green threatened to overcome his vision for a moment. Waves of camouflage creeping closer, threatening to drag him back into the jungle. Except his hands. His hands were the brownish red of drying blood all over again. Even after the washing that he had already done. His vision narrowed to a small white square on the far wall, a picture he had only discovered today. As far as he knew, the only picture still in existence with Dave’s face. 

In the time it took for Klaus to clear his vision, four young men had burst into the bar.

[crankycreates]

Untitled fic, a.k.a

"I AM NOT WRITING THIS GODDAMN COFFEESHOP AU" ~Cranky, 23-04-14

AO3 link

Pagan Min x gn!Reader 845 words Coffeeshop AU, barista!Reader, businessman!Pagan, flirting (sort of?), humour (or I tried at least), prologue to a story that may or may not get written...

“Shit!”

You stared at the plate. Or, well, ex-plate. It wasn’t really recognisable as kitchenware after hitting the floor. Pieces had skittered off across the tiles in every direction, like a very sad starburst, made out of shards of probably very expensive china. How the fuck could you be so clumsy? Mindlessly, you dove after the ex-plate, crawling madly around the floor, sweeping your hands over the tiles to gather up the remains before anyone arrived, uttering a string of curses.

“Fuck. Fuck! Shit shit fuck!”

“Such colourful language! Yet somewhat lacking in … vocabulary breadth.”

You whipped around — still on all fours — and were met by the sight of a pair of slightly worn but expensive-looking slippers. Above them, plaid pajama pants. And your eyes travelled up, and up, and past the pajama pants there was an expanse of skin that made your mind white-out for a moment before you took in the face above; its eyes twinkling with what might have been faint amusement. It was very hard to tell from this angle, especially since your mind suddenly snagged on a detail it overlooked before, and your eyes slipped down again — past the chest with its patch of dark hair and down the trail from his navel to the—

“Enjoying yourself down there, hm?”

You squeaked something. There were meant to be words in there but exactly what, you had no idea. You tried again: “I’m sorry— Uh— I broke this plate— I’ll pay for it, of course!”

Which was an utterly ridiculous thing to say to a billionaire. But you were feeling utterly ridiculous at the moment, so.

Pagan, mercifully, twitched his dressing gown closed, and settled back against the kitchen island behind him. Less mercifully, he said, “What if I told you that plate was worth a fortune?”

You stared up at him. Some part of you was a little bit grateful: now that you were blanching at the idea of owing Pagan Min money, you no longer had to worry about him noticing you blushing after having checked out the bulge in his pajamas. From the floor. On your knees.

Fuck.

Okay, alright, okay — backing up for a moment. How the ever-loving fuck had you ended up here?

You’d woken up early, alone in a guest room in Pagan Min’s house. Mansion. Estate? Whatever these things were called, this side of the pond. You’d been cranky and hungry and maybe a bit sad, and absolutely appalled at the notion of approaching the man about breakfast. Or, even worse, using the room phone to call ‘the help’. (’The help’ had been his word for it. He had servants. Fucking servants! In 2014! Jesus.) Like this was some sort of hotel.

So, you’d gotten out of bed and thrown on yesterday’s clothes and shuffled off in search of the kitchen. Or a kitchen, anyway. For all you knew there were more than one. And when you found one, you’d gone looking for a snack, and somehow—

Okay, but none of that explained how you ended up spending the night in Pagan’s guest room in the first place.

“Relax,” Pagan said, lips curving into an amused smirk. “I’m only teasing.”

“Yeah,” you said vacantly. You were still busy reviewing all the questionable life choices that had landed you in this mess.

He cocked his head. “You’re awfully high strung, aren’t you?”

“What?”

Wow. Seriously, smooth. Not like you had any particular hope to impress him or anything — that ship had long sailed, by this point. You felt rather like a stray he’d taken in for the night. Here’s how it happened: Pagan had found you crying outside the Golden Path Café. You were his favourite barista, so of course he would offer you a place to stay after you had been so callously evicted by—

Except that didn’t explain how you came to work at the Golden Path, or why he — the owner of King’s Coffee, the most popular chain of coffee shops in the United Kingdom — frequented the establishment of his competitors/sworn enemies.

“Come on, get up, kid. Can’t have you crawling around on the floor like this. Breakfast and Omelette might get jealous!”

He was smiling now — a nice, friendly smile — and offering you his hand. A perfectly gentlemanly gesture. A host attempting to put their guest at ease with an innocent joke and helping them off the goddamn floor. The way you stared, it might as well have been a tentacle he was holding out to you.

You said, “Uhh,” and took the proffered limb.

So anyway. This would in fact only be the first time Pagan Min rescued you from homelessness, and mortifying as the whole ordeal was, the next would be worse. Perhaps it could all have been avoided if you had come better prepared — if your mother had actually told you anything useful before she died.

Because in truth, for you, it all started with loss. With grief and ashes. With a promise to your dying mother: to bring her back to the UK, and to Lakshmana.

Read it on AO3

[letitrainathousandflames]

(Un)leashed

Rating: M

Word count: 9.5 K

Summary: Rex has a secret relationship with a civilian, and he's a sweet, vanilla lover in the bedroom. After a very strange talk to Jesse regarding collars and such, he tells his girlfriend about it... and she seems very much interested in that talk. Jedi OC Miyala belongs to author NotSummer, borrowed with permission. [EDIT: if anyone knows their current username on tumblr, pls tell me so that i can @ them]

Tags: humor, leashes, fluffy smut, civilian OC, not a Reader fic

[NOTE: This is an older fic which i'm now copying from my old blog to add to the masterlist, hence the style not being the same as I have now]

-

It all began on a night off at the local bar after a mission. Rex and his men were finally chilling and toasting to the brothers who’d fought bravery…

“And to our general!” Hardcase boomed, throwing another shot down the hatch “And to the dead clankers! And to Dokku’s sorry ass being kicked outta here!”

While Kix tried to convince him to stop at the fifth shot, Fives was at the bar running his fingers over some civy’s knuckles, and the girl was giggling.

“That suave droidfucker.” Jesse cursed, a little tipsy already as he sad down by Rex’s side along with Hardcase, placing another bottle on the table

Rex turned the the bottle to check the label.

“‘Kashyykian Vodka’, Jesse?” Rex shook his head “Y’know, I wanna be able to walk when I get out of here.”

“Nonsense, sir.”  Hardcase said, pouring the thing into three glasses and grabbing one for himself “I’m sure we can take this.”

“I’m sure you can take this.” Jesse snorted, picking up his glass and pushing another towards Rex “You absorb and process anything in seconds. There really must’ve been something weird in your tube in Kamino.”

Rex examined the semitransparent, slightly green liquid and sighed. Oh well. He’d done worse choices in life.

Ten minutes later he wasn’t so sure. However, when Hardcase poured yet another glass for him, he downed half of it in one gulp. Hardcase can’t stop giggling at Jesse.

“He he he, I still can’t believe that Dogma, sweet, mercifully naïve Dogma thought you had a dog.”

Rex frowns at that, midly curious.

“A dog? Why would Dogma think that?”

Hardcase laughed so hard he was almost screaming.

“Oh, kriffing stars, he doesn’t know it!” and he pounded his fist on the table “Okay, get this…”

Jesse elbowed Hardcase on his chest.

“Uh, Hardcase, I don’t think the Captain needs to know this…”

“It’s okay, he won’t tell the Captain!” Hardcase was so hammered he seemed to have forgotten that Rex was Rex “Get this: Jesse here is a very kinky boy and he’s got some leashes he likes to use on his girlfriend!...”

Before Harcase could continue, Tup swept in, grabbing him by the arm.

“Hi Cap, ‘scuse me while I borrow Hardcase, we got ourselves tangled in a dart game with the 212th and we’re losing…” he hollered at the bar “because Fives there is too busy trying to get some!”

From the bar, Fives shugged back to Tup, speaking over the loud chatter around them:

“Love before vod!” and he pressed a kiss to the face of the girl next to him as she giggled

Hardcase was laughing his ass off as he walked away with Tup:

“Pretty sure that’s not how the saying goes...”

And while the other men laughed and teased each other, Rex turned to Jesse.

“So… griffa. I mean gerfa… girlfriend.” He struggled to spell the word; His speech wasn’t what one would call eloquent after so much booze “You got a goff… a greff…”

Jesse nodded, letting the Captain know he’d understood what he was trying to say. Jesse was almost as drunk as Rex too.

“Yeah… Miyala… She’s… Amazing….”

Rex sighed wistfully and smiled quietly.

“Yeah, I got a gerf… A giff… I’m dating a girl too.”

The two of them just remained there, contemplating their own happiness until their eyes went wide as they absorbed the words from each other's.

“Wait, you got a girlfriend?!” Jesse half-screamed

“And you’re dating Miyala?!” Rex hissed “The Jedi?! That Miyala?!”

Jesse’s realization downing in his face would be the funniest shit to Rex if it didn’t mean that one of his best soldiers had simply ran over about twenty regulations and hooked up – no, was goddamn dating a Jedi. Not that it mattered. Although less troublesome, Rex’s secret relationship with a civy was also off regulations’ bounds and could cause him a lot of headache. But that was not the worst. Rex ran his hand over his face.

“I won’t say a word about regulations, long as you don’t get fricking caught by them. And if you do” he adds “They won’t harm you, that I promise, because I will have killed you myself by then, you dumbass.” He paused, Tell me what the kriff is the deal with the leashes.”

Jesse frowned at him like Rex was teasing him.

“Yeah, very funny, everyone made that joke already.”

Rex frowned back.

“What joke? What would you possibly use leashes for? Harcase said you don’t have a dog…”

Jesse’s eyes went wide as he still frowned.

“Rex” and Jesse wouldn’t refer to Rex without his rank over nothing but sheer shock “tell me you’re kidding me. You know what I mean like… y’know?” he gave him a look full of significance, like someone begging the other to take a hint, but Rex seemed to remain clueless

Jesse sighed and reached for the bottle and poured himself another glass, taking a swig and grimacing at it.

“The leash…” he paused, leaning in closer to Rex “I use it on her, okay? I tie a collar on her neck and there’s a leash tied on it and then…”

His next pause needed no explanation, and Rex pulled back like Jesse had told him the seppies weren’t so bad after all. The captains’ eyes were wide and his mouth had dropped open.

“A leash?!” he exclaimed, and at Jesses’ desperate signs for him to lower his voice, Rex hissed “What do you mean you tie her on a leash, Jesse, that’s sick!” Jesse sighs and tries to talk, but Rex speaks over him “You’re... you're treating her like an animal! I wonder how she hasn’t reported you to Fox and his men or the Jedi Order!”

“Rex…” Jesse seemed to be finding Rex’s reaction funnier by the minute

“Don’t ‘Rex’ me, trooper, I thought you’d know that this is no way to treat a significant other… don’t laugh at such a serious matter!...”

Jesse’s face was flushed all over and he threw his head back in the most heartfelt fit of laughter. Rex didn’t quite remember having ever seen him laugh so hard.

“Rex!” Jesse talks over him, laughing so much he can barely breathe “Rex, she likes it. We both do.”

Rex’s face was scrunched in disbelief and Jesse insisted “I swear, she does. We do this out of mutual consent, okay, and…” Jesse lowered his voice even more, leaning in again “she kriffing loves it.”

Rex begged the following hangover would wipe everything else that Jesse said out of his head when he got into the shuttle on the following morning, almost tripping on his own feet – goddamn kashyykian vodka – Fives was wearing his kama wrong-side out and Rex rolled his eyes; is every single soldier under my command a perverted di’kut?

The weird conversation remained in Rex’s mind when he arrived back in Coruscant, and as he hurried to wrap up his duties for the day and ran over to his girlfriend apartment in west Coruscant he was still fighting to push Jesse’s strange words to the back of his brain.

“Rex!” Tae smiled as she opened the door for him “I’m glad you could make it so early!”

She pulled back so that Rex could walk inside carrying his helmet under his arm, and closed the door behind him before giving him a peck on his lips; Tae knew how reserved Rex tended to be, and how he’d rather have any display of affection to be always shared behind closed doors. It wasn’t just about him being a captain and having a reputation. He thinks love to be something intimate and precious, not for other’s eyes. So when he runs his hand to the door behind him, locking it, he feels comfortable enough to place his hands on the back of Tae’s neck, pulling her into a kiss. She sighs into his lips, smiling. He knows she missed him as much as he did. When she pulls away, she’s smiling. To Rex, Tae is the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. He eyes are small and of a very dark green, her wavy black hair brushes over her shoulders  and her pale skin makes her puffy cheeks look even more pink with excitement.

“I made food.” She says charmingly “And then I burned it. And then I ordered food. So… dinner?”

She was giggling, and Rex smiled, feeling at ease like he so rarely does. Those precious hours with Tae feel like vacations without leaving Coruscant. After eating and sharing their stories over a glass of water (Rex was not interested in wine or any other shape or form of alchohol anytime soon) Tae had slowly undressed Rex of his armor, just the way he liked it. Rex could feel his tension being let out at each piece of it that was removed, and when Tae kneeled down to remove his belt and his kama, Rex looked down at her and, for a moment, imagined how she would look like if she was wearing a collar tied to a leash on his hand.

Rex stopped that train of thought as if it was a clanker and his common sense was a blaster. What in the kriffing hell was that mental image?! No. No, no, this was wrong. Wrong and bad. Terrible. He never wanted to punch a brother so much as he now wanted to punch Jesse.

Tae, however, having removed the last bit of Rex’s armor and carefully placing the parts piled up on her empty coffee table, was now tugging at the neck of Rex’s blacks so that she could kiss the skin under it:

“Hmm, should we go to the bedroom, love?” and Rex let out a small laugh as she nuzzled at him “What?” she asked playfully “Does it tickle?”

Rex turned to smile at Tae.

“No, it’s not that, it’s some… weird talk I had with Jesse. I told you about Jesse, right? One of my men from Torrent Company?”

Tae nodded, curling herself close to Rex and kissing his chest over his blacks.

“Yeah, you told me about him. He seems nice.”

“Yeah, nice.” And at Tae’s questioning gaze, he shook his head “If I tell you what he told me, I don’t think you would say that, cyare.”

Tae scrunched her face in amusement.

“Uh, what did he tell you?”

Rex looked at her, and Tae wanted to giggle at the ‘you-will-not-believe-this’ gossipy face of his.

“He’s got a girlfriend, alright? And he likes to – get this – tie a leash on her when they’re…” he cleared his throat “In the bedroom. A leash! Like a dog’s!”

Tae raised her brows in mild amusement. That was not the reaction Rex was expecting. Where was the bewilderment? The shock? So he added:

“And the kriffing moon jockey tells me she lets him. That she likes it too. They both do.” Tae nods and she looks pensive. Rex frowns. “This is weird, right? You’re a woman, cyare, and a civy. Tell me – from your point of view should I notify Fox and or the Jed- the woman’s family?”

“Oh my—“ Tae let out a laugh, and only stopped when she saw that Rex couldn’t understand the joke “Oh my stars, you are being serious. Rex. Rex, some people like this kind of thing.”

Rex was skeptical. How? It was humiliating. Dehumanizing, even. How could someone date a man who would have his partner on a leash like a domesticated pet? Where would the romance of the act go? The long looking in each other’s eyes, the soft caresses, the whispered moans… none of that fitted in a scenario featuring a leash.

While Rex was arguing with himself, Tae tapped a finger to her chin pensively.

“Actually” she mused “I’m kind of curious about how it must be like, to wear a leash. Maybe it could be kinda hot.”

Rex was mortified, his mouth dropping open in shock.

“Are you- Are you joking? Tell me it’s one of your jokes.”

Tae shrugged.

“What’s the big deal? We could try it, see if it works, if one of us or both hate it, we drop it and no longer mention it.”

Rex bit over his tonge.

“A leash, Tae?” he runs his hand over his head “There are so many things that could go wrong, it could constrict your neck—“

“I think that’s kind of the point.” Tae added, raising an eyebrow

“Oh my stars.” Rex said sardonically “No, no constricted necks. And you’d be like—like some sort of—of pet! It’s humiliating.”

Tae looked at Rex like she was already anticipating his reaction:

“Uh… That, too, is kinda hot, to be honest.” Rex was so wide-eyed Tae reached for his face “Moons, don’t be like that, my love. We can drop the subject if you want to.” She leaned in close “Now why don’t we go to my room and…”

She kissed him on the lips, then his neck, and Rex hummed in pleasure as she threw a leg over him, straddling him and pressing her warm body to his as she claimed his mouth again. This is what things were supposed to be, he thought as he hugged her lower back and she wrapped her legs around his waist, still kissing him as he got up and carried her to the bedroom. Kissing and soft touches of kindness. This is how one is supposed to make love. What in the kriffing hells was Jesse thinking?

But afterwards, wrapped in Rex’s arms, Tae murmured:

“I just think it could be fun. The leash thing. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, or if you’re scared. Maybe it’s something that works for your friend and doesn’t work for you.”

Rex knew Tae didn’t mean it like that, but it sounded like two things: one, Captain Rex of the 501st battalion was scared, and two, scared of something that a lower rank trooper like Jesse could face easily, having fun even. That was a challenge he couldn’t pass. This was about honor. He had to do the most mature thing.

So that’s how he ended sitting down in a bar in lower Coruscant wearing civilian clothes and  the best i-am-not-a-clone-trooper-violating-12-different-codes face he had. And, on the table farthest from the door, there was a man in a brown jacket and jeans sitting by a gorgeous twi’lek dressed in a plain purple dress that almost made Rex not recognize her – that was Miyala, the jedi knight Rex had only seen a couple of times, and always wearing her robes, never dresses. In front of her there was Jesse and his unmistakable tattooed face. Rex sighed, walking to the two of them and sitting on the vacant chair at the table.

“Hello, sir.” It was odd seeing Jesse maintaining protocol even out of his armor and in a setting that was as far from military as possible, and he gestured to the twi’lek jedi in disguise “You already know Miyala.”

Miyala nodded at Rex with a small smile.

“I must thank you for not turning Jesse in.” she said hesitantly “We… We never planned for our relationship to happen under such complicated circumstances.”

Rex nodded back, and he would return the smile if he wasn’t so tense.

“I understand how you feel. I’m concealing a relationship of my own.”

“I’m sorry.” Miyala then had curiosity in her eyes “Jesse said you wanted to meet us to ask something?”

Rex cleared his throat. Oh well. He was down the sarlaac pit already, better come clean about his thoughts. Before he could speak, however, Miyala got up.

“I say, Captain, why don’t we go get something to drink at the bar and bring back to Jesse?”

At that, Rex stuttered:

“I, I, uh…”

“Come now.” She tapped him on his shoulder, walking past him, and Rex got up, following her to the bar as Jesse gleefully waved from their table; she leaned on the bar, ordering their drinks to then turn to Rex “What is going on? I can sense your tension.”

Rex pressed his lips into a thin line to then blurt out:

“Jesse and I got drunk and he mentioned something about using leashes on you and I respect your intimacy, ma’am, and I beg your forgiveness for intruding but if you are by any means scared of leaving your relationship count on me to get the help you need on…”

Miyala seemed to be in a good amount of shock and the same smile of Tae’s – like Rex haven’t noticed a joke that everybody’s gotten.

“Captain.” She cut him off “Captain, calm down. I’m not scared of anything.” She looked at Jesse and waved at him with such a threatening smile the trooper lowered his hand and swallowed hard “Jesse should be, for telling you of these things but… I’m fine. We both are.”

Rex wasn’t entirely convinced.

“Are you? But… But a leash…?”

Miyala picked up her glass and Jesse’s gesturing to Rex for him to pick his own up.

“Like I said, I’m fine. It’s… our little thing. We enjoy it.”

And with that, she began walking back to their table, and Rex walked fast behind her. The two of them sat back down and Miyala gave Jesse the same dangerous smile she had given him before.

“Say, darling, why does Captain Rex here knows of our…” she cleared her throat “…our little games?”

All color seemed to drain from Jesse’s face.

“I-It’s a long story, Dogma wanted a candy bar and I told him to get it in my locker but I forgot that the… the leather one I had bought you was still there and he saw it, then he told Fives, and Fives is a kriffing loudmouth so of course Hardcase heard of it too and then the Captain wanted to know and we were, stars, drunk out of our minds—”

Rex cut Jesse off sharply:

“My girlfriend wants to try it.” Jesse finally shut up, frowning at Rex while Miyala eyed him with the same polite curiosity of before “The leash thing… she said she thinks it’s… hot.”

Jesse gave a small laugh, then opened a wide smile.

“Well, then do it! If she wants to…”

Miyala raised a hand, interrupting him.

“Wait a second, darling. Captain, what of you? Do you want to try it?”

Rex lowered his eyes. What was with Jedi that got him so tense?

“I… I don’t know. I love Tae. I’d do anything for her.”

“But are you willing to?” Miyala insisted “Captain, these… games… they depend on mutual trust. Neither the dominant or the submissive can be in out of dull acceptance or just out of a wish to tend to the other’s needs. Both need to see fulfilment and fun in the deal, otherwise it’s off the table. This is how it works – consent, mutual consent, is the key of it all.”

The thought of Tae on a leash makes Rex worry for her, but it wouldn’t ruin the night, not if he focused on treating with all the love she deserved, caressing her, kissing her, telling her how beautiful she is…

Praising her. Like a darling pet.

Rex felt a sudden twitch in his crotch and he sat upright at that. What. In the moons. Was that? What was this feeling, this head rush, this cold excitement setting in his guts? He swallowed hard.

“I want this. I do.” He says, and it’s scary how much he means it now “But I’ve never… I’m afraid I’d hurt her. Can you teach me how…?”

“…how to do it safely?” Jesse completes, and Rex nods, feeling his face burning hot “Sure, leave it to us. I know quite a lot about it.”

“And I can tell you how the other side feels, so that you understand how to read your girlfriend signs.”

And so they started talking. It was a very good feeling, sitting there with Jesse and his girlfriend, seeing how much in love they were, and being able to talk about Tae, and hear others address her as “your girlfriend”. Sure, the conversation was the strangest one Rex had ever had.

“I don’t get this ‘safeword’ thing.”

“It’s a code for her to tell you she wants to stop playing”, Jesse explained

“Well, wont ‘stop’ be good enough for that?”

Jesse scratched his chin, and it was like Rex was a jet pilot asking him how does a ship fly. Like this was the most obvious thing.

“Sometimes she’ll say stop… When she doesn’t want you to stop.”

Rex cradled his head in his hands in utter nervousness.

“I’m gonna kriff this up, won’t I?”

Miyala chuckled.

“No you won’t. I can see you want to be a good boyfriend, and that you want to test new limits too. Everything will be fine. Now, let’s talk more about safewords…”

Rex would’ve given anything not to be greeted by Jesse and his shit-eating grin a week later, as they walked in lower Coruscant wearing civilian clothes.

“Your girlfriend doesn’t mind that you’re using what little free time we have between assignments to help me?” Rex asked, trying to wipe the smile off his face

“Nah.” Jesse was still grinning “She’s got stuff of her own now, some” he lowered his voice “Jedi business of some sort, so I’ll be glad to take you to the Little Secret.”

Rex cringed at the shop’s name. All of this seemed sketchy. Why on earth did Tae find these things interesting? But then again, so did Jesse and Miyala… Was he the weird one for not being overly into the idea of putting the woman he loved on a leash?

Rex had expected the place to look like a torture chamber, but was greeted with a clean-looking store with white walls and clear glass displays where the products would be exposed. There seemed to be a number of lace underwear pieces on a rack nearby, and Rex swept his gaze over the many little objects until…

“That’s a purple penis-shaped thing, I don’t even wanna know, I’m leaving…”

Jesse grabbed Rex by the neck of his coat, stopping him from leaving.

“Hey, Captain, fleeing the battle this soon?” he joked, and Rex shugged him off, squaring up his shoulders

“I just… Why is everything so weird here?” Rex looked around to then point at something he couldn’t quite understand what the hell was “I mean, what is even the purpose of this?!”

Jesse twisted his lips in amusement.

“That, sir, specifically, is an o-ring gag.”

Rex seemed torn between the wish to reprimand Jesse for knowing what the kriff that was on sight and the curiosity of asking him what in the moons did he meant by that.

“It goes over one’s mouth, like this,” he gestured what seemed like, well, someone being gagged, like, say a hostage would, “And it keeps the person’s mouth open on an o-shape.”

Rex scrunched his face in hesitation.

“Why?”

Jesse seemed to be trying as hard as he could not to laugh.

“Well. Well you see. If you were to put your…”

“No no no I changed my mind!” Rex rubbed his eyes tiredly “One more word, Jesse, I will shoot you, I swear to the stars.”

Jesse was still snickering when someone with a raspy voice spoke close to them, startling Rex.

“Hello, do you need any… Jesse!” it was a female weequay with long pink-dyed hair tied on braids and a small ring on her lip; she smiled fondly at Jesse “Looking for something new to your girl?”

Jesse smiled back at her.

“Not today, Leyla. This is my Cap… Ah, my friend, Rex.”

The weequay, Leyla, extended her hand to Rex, and he hesitantly reached to shake it.

“Welcome, then Rex…?”

Rex lowered his eyes, looking around nervously. The shop was empty, but he still worried about being recognized.

“Just Rex.”

Leyla smirked.

“Mysterious just like Jesse, eh?” Leyla shrugged “Well, as long as you pay and you get the ground rules for playing with your partner, what happens in your lives is none of my business.”

Rex looked to Jesse in confusion and Jesse nodded:

“The rules we told you about that day. Safe, sane and consensual.”

Leyla looked from Jesse to Rex.

“So, Jesse, are you adding this charming new player to your games with your girlfriend?”

Jesse, who until then had been calm and collected even while standing close to what seemed to be a massive, plastic dick in bubblegum-pink suddenly got very flustered.

“Wha- No- I-“ he shook his head vehemently “No, no, he’s my friend and he wants to… try some new things. With his girlfriend.” He added almost much louder than what was absolutely necessary, and Leyla snickered

“Ohh, I see” she turned to Rex “So, what are you looking for? Handcuffs? Paddles? We just got a new shipment of nipple clamps that will absolutely blow your mind off.”

Rex was moving his mouth on mute questions like Leyla had talked to him in Huttese or some other kriffing unreadable language, and Jesse placed his hand on his shoulder.

“Ah, Leyla, he’s more of a vanilla guy, he’s still just dipping his foot on new waters.”

Leyla tapped a finger to her chin.

“Blindfolds?”

At that, Jesse gave a sly smile.

“Heh, blindfolds are cool too, Rex, trust me on this one.”

Rex rubbed his temples. This was too kriffing much for his head.

“Why on earth would I want to be blindfolded? I love looking at my girlfriend. She’s beautiful. Why would I…?”

Leyla shrugged.

“Maybe she could be the one to be blindfolded.”

Rex was all defensive.

“I like to think she enjoys looking at me too, thank you very much.”

Now Leyla was placing her hand on Rex’s other shoulder.

“Yes, friend, but do think: have you ever been in a dark room?” Rex nodded; more times than he wished to, goddamn tunnels in missions on the Outer Rim and hell knows what else “Did you notice hou hypervigilant you get? All sensitive? Smell, touch, all that gets enhanced. What’s more, she’ll never be able to know when you’ll suddenly touch her pu….”

“Okay I got it!” Rex shrugged both Leyla and Jesse off, and he could kriffing feel the heat on his face now, so embarrassed he was “Listen, ma’am I’m here just for… Jesse, tell her what I’m here for.”

Jesse was back to doing his damned best not to laugh.

“His girlfriend is curious about leashes, Leyla. Can you show him some?”

Leyla smiled at Rex, not embarrassed in the least, gesturing to a display deeper in the store and walking ahead. Jesse nudges Rex on his back and the two of them start walking behind her.

“How is she all relaxed in a place like…this?” Rex looks at the leather mask placed on a mannequin’s head; it has a zipper for a mouth.

Jesse gives a small laugh.

“Captain, she works here all day every day of the week. She’s used to it. Well, I’m used to it. I have one of those” Jesse points at the fuzzy blue handcuffs on a display “And one of those” he points at what seems to be an amount of… rope? What would he use that for? “And I have one of those too.”

At that point, Rex had no idea what the oddly shaped object was meant for, and he didn’t have the energy to ask. They got to Leyla and she pointed to the leashes hanging on the wall. There was a number of them, in different colors and materials, some of them more simple, other more detailed. Leyla reached for one of them.

“So… Who will be wearing the collar and the leash? You, sir? I think studs would look fantastic on that strong neck of yours.”

Rex cleared his throat. He thought the feeling of awkwardness would subside but, no, he was still as embarrassed as he was when he first walked in.

“Uh, actually my, hm, my girlfriend is the one curious about wearing one.”

Leyla put the big studded collar back with an excited smile.

“Ahh, the cutest thing arrived yesterday, look at this!” she pulled a delicate leather collar tied to a leash; it had a small metallic charm dangling from it, rattling with a small noise. “This looks beautiful on a girl’s neck. I would know – got one for my girlfriend and she’s over the moons for it.”

Rex reached for the thing, hearing the soft ding-ding from the rattle on it. He thought of the concept of Tae wearing the kriffing thing. This was weird. Too weird. He ran his fingers over the soft leathery surface, his thumb on the inside of the collar. Smooth and safe; it wouldn’t hurt her. His maneuvering made the rattle make the same noise again, and he thought of Tae wearing the collar and smiling at him with that flushed face he’d only see when the two of them were in her bedroom, as he allow her to undress him of his armor and his responsibilities. He felt that same warm twitch at his groin, and barely failed to catch on to Leyla’s words:

“—you’re a newbie and a vanilla kinda guy, I recommend not tying it too tight. The clasp has an emergency trigger that will allow you to cut it off of her if she’s having any trouble breathing, but I don’t think you’ll have any trouble like that. Careful with sharp tugs, rough play is fun but the neck has a lot of sensitive muscles. So, will you take this one, or do you wanna see the others?”

Rex wrapped his fingers around the leash. Smooth and soft, the unique feeling of leather.

“This one.” He blurted out without looking up to Leyla “I’ll take this one.”

“Fives, Echo, can you cover for me?”

Fives looked over from the projected sceen with sleepy eyes. Echo, however, was typing as fast as a droid.

“What?” Fives asked in the middle of a yawn.

“I have… some personal matters to attend to.” Rex said, trying not to think of the black bag in his locker, the one with a leash inside “Can you just… take care of everything while I’m out? I’ll probably be back in a few hours. If things get more complicated, I might be back only in the morning.”

“What the kriff—” Fives started, but Echo clamped his hand over his brother’s mouth muffling his words

“We’ll be honored to take your place, sir” he said “rest assured that we’ll do our best.”

Fives shrugged Echo off of him, grumbling.

“Yeah, sure, sir, send your personal matters my regards, you’re quite a catch.”

Rex frowned at that.

“What?” he asked

“What?” Fives echoed; sometimes Rex really wanted to punch him.

“Very well then.” Rex said with a nod “Be back soon, troopers.”

Rex grabbed the black bag in his locker and walked out of the GAR without ant trouble. The whole ride to Tae’s apartment made his stomach twist in nervousness. As usual, she opened the door with a smile.

“Rex! I just got back from work, you’re so early today!” she pulled him inside to close the door behind him and get to pepper kisses all over his face “Ah, it’s so good to see you!”

Rex leaned down to press a soft kiss to Tae’s lips, and then he raised the hand carrying the black bag.

“And I got you something.”

Tae sat down on the couch with Rex, reaching into the bag and pulling the leash out of the bag, then the collar, and she let out a small giggle.

“Oh my stars, you actually got one of those.”

Rex felt his face burning hot but tried to seem collected.

“Do you like it?”

Tae turned to him with the smile that made him weak in the knees.

“Yeah! It’s so cute, I wanna try it on!” she held the collar out for Rex “Can you put it on me?”

Rex sighed and drew in a breath. He could do this. For Tae, he could.

“Sure, cyare.” He opened the collar up “Allow me.” Tae lifted her chin up and Rex reached for the back of her neck, placing the leather on it and running the strap into the small buckle and adjusting it so that the piece would fall lose on Tae’s collarbones; he wouldn’t risk having it tied over her windpipe “There. Comfortable?”

Tae nodded, and Rex lowered his hands, looking at Tae. It was still his pretty girlfriend, with her brighter-than-any-suns smile, except now she had a leather strap over her neck. No big deal. He could live with this.

“Ah, no, no, wait, safeword!” he then muttered a curse “I was supposed to tell you this before putting on the leash. We need to have a word one says to the other stop doing what they’re doing. I… A friend… Ah, hells, Jesse taught me that.”

Tae fowned a little.

“Is ‘no’ not good enough?”

Rex lowered his eyes, unable to look at Tae.

“He said that… one might say ‘stop’ or ‘no’ without really meaning it.” He say the understanding on Tae’s face “So, are you good with, uh, ‘droid’?”

“‘Droid’ sounds good,” Tae nodded and lowered one of the straps of her blue dress. “now I bet this leash would look better if I took this off.”

Rex and Tae had an unspoken tradition of taking each other’s clothes; she’d methodically and very slowly take his armor off and he, on the other hand, would always undress her, usually kissing her neck as he did so. Today, however, seeing Tae wearing the collar, the leash thrown over her shoulder…

“Take it off, then.” Rex said before he could stop himself “please.” he hurried to add.

Tae seemed surprised but before Rex could take back what he said she reached for the side zipper of her blue dress, pushing it down her body and down her legs until she was there, on her couch wearing just her white underwear and the black leather collar tied to a leash. Rex reached to cup her face, kissing her softly; his hand brushed over the leash on her shoulder and he grabbed it; he felt a pleasant twitch in his cock, just like he did every other time he imagined himself seeing Tae like this and holding the leash.

He pulled back, leash on his right hand, and he saw himself suddenly at loss for words. Tae, however, still smiled eagerly at him.

“So” she said in a small, innocent voice “is there anything else you want me to do?”

“I” Rex hesitated “I don’t know. This is a little strange for me.”

Tae leaned closer to him, stealing a kiss and nuzzling at his neck over the exposed part of his blacks.

“Bad strange?” she hummed

“Nah.” Rex didn’t want to ruin the mood for Tae, kark, please no. He just needed to understand what the kriffing hells was going on inside his head “Just… strange. You… This makes you look…” he remembered of Jesse’s words before he threatened to punch him again “Like a pet? Kind of?”

Tae moved to kiss at the oter side of his neck now.

“Am I a cute pet?” she purred

And kriffing shit, that wasn’t a small twich, his cock goddamned ached in pleasure at that.

“Y-Yeah…” Rex muttered, swallowing hard “The cutest.”

“And what do you want” Tae kept nuzzling at his neck “your pretty pet to do?”

Rex sighed heavily. It was like Tae had been thinking about these lines for a while; he can feel the excitement in her voice. Hells, if she was having fun, then…

“Take everything off.” he said close to her ear; it came out strange. Where was the romance? “Do it, cyare.”

Tae pulled back and obediently unhooked her bra, pulling the straps down her shoulders; Rex’s cock twitched at the sight of her beautiful breasts, the pink stiff nipples the goosebumps he could see all over her skin. She got on her knees, pushing her panties down her legs as Rex’s hungry eyes studied her figure over and over. She looks so fragile, undressed and tied by her neck. All soft, pale skin except for the black, unforgiving leather line over her neck.

When Tae sat back Rex reached for her with his free hand while the other still held the leash; his hand covered Tae’s right breast entirely. Rex had always been fond of Tae’s small figure; she was like a small, precious thing that needed to be protected.

“You are the prettiest pet.” He says endearingly, and the way Tae’s eyes flicker with happiness just make him feel his cock straining harder against his codpiece “So pretty, cyare. My little pet.”

The praise seems to have an effect similar to Rex fingering her; the same half-open lips in a needy expression, the arched eyebrows, the shallow breaths. Rex realizes most of the reason for his painfully hard cock is the pleasure he’s taking from Tae’s pleasure.

But he would be lying if he said that the leash wasn’t giving him one hell of a rush. So he tug at it very lightly.

“Why don’t you help me out of this armor, my love… my pet?” and still with a shallow breathing, Tae slides down the couch to her knees, and Rex straightens his back up “Wait, you don’t have to…!”

Tae cuts him off, crawling so that she can kneel between Rex’s spread legs:

“I-I want to. Let me.” and she gets at pulling his left shoe out.

The intimacy of the act, of allowing one to undress him of his armor, was highly romantic to Rex. He’d always seen it as an act of trust, of baring his heart, his real self to Tae. This time, however, seeing Tae reach for the back of his shin guard while she wears a collar, which is tied to a leash, that is in his hand… it looked more like the prelude to something deliciously dirty, and it turned him on in an unbelievable measure. Tae caught his look, raising her beautiful dark green eyes to him as she tugged at his thigh piece.

“Am I doing it right, love?”

Of course she was; Tae was more than used to the right way to unclasp each piece and she would carefully lay them on the coffee table, knowing how much the armor meant to Rex. However, Rex reached down to pet her dark hair, brushing the tips of his fingers back and forth, praising her like she had been doing it for the very first time.

“Of course you are. You are doing it perfectly… pet.”

Tae whines at that, unclasping his belt and carefully moving it over to the table. Rex almost reached to help – the holstered guns are heavy, and Tae was a small woman – the heaviest thing she lifts (more like, pushes) on a daily basis are the tables at the coffeshop she works at. But Rex held back, feeling oddly  entertained by the sight of Tae doing his every whim. When she turnes to him again, Rex petted her hair once more.

“There, you did that just fine, didn’t you?” he said in a low voice and he could see her kriffing shudder “Aren’t you a good pet…” Tae reached for his Kama, untying it and carefully folding it “There… The chest plate now, cryare, would you like to take it off too? Hm?”

Tae wordlessly nodded, looking up to Rex and biting her lip with her eyes sparkling with lust, and her desire, the sense that she was having the time of her life, made it all unbelievably hotter for Rex. The collar on her neck and leash in Rex’s hand, that strange new connection. The sight made Rex’s cock almost hurt against the tight, restraining cod piece. Kark, this was supposed to be awkward and strange, but all Rex could think is why he hadn’t tried this before.

Tae got up to her feet and leaned closer, first removing his pauldron to then remove his shoulder armor, the upper arm pieces and the forearm armor, unclasping Rex’s chest piece from the complementary back piece; as she pulled it out of him, she leaned in for a kiss. Rex got to half-opening his lips, but something crossed his mind and he tugged at the leash hesitantly, pulling her out of his reach.

“Not now, pet.” Rex said, not quite understanding why in the moons he was denying her – and himself – a kiss “Later. As a reward for your good behavior.”

If anybody asked where the kark Rex was pulling these lines from, he wouldn’t know how to answer. Sure, it might have something to do Jesse’s weird talk of “delayed pleasure” but that thing just sounded insane back then. Delay for what? She’s there, right in front of him, to take him and to be taken and yet… It felt so good being in full charge of whatever would happen next.

Tae looked so surprised and so hungry for a kiss Rex almost backed down, but soon enough she was laying his chest piece close to the others on the table, then his back piece – except that this time, instead of being on her knees she was standing up, giving Rex a fine view of her ass (and a bit of her cunt too, between her thighs). Rex was so used to taking things to the bedroom under a dim light and whispered words of love he was speechless on the face of the act under the living room lights, on Tae’s couch where they’d only share stories and some kissing, saving the intimacies for her bed.

Without thinking, Rex tugged on the leash, pulling a surprised Tae onto the edge of the couch, right between his spread legs. Still holding the lash to keep her close to him, Rex leaned closer and stuck his tongue out, licking over Tae’s spine between her shoulder blades and up to the back of her neck. The long, loud moan from Tae’s wasn’t a sound Rex remembered having ever heard before. There was a little bit of pain to it. Suddenly very tense, he relaxed his grip on the leash.

“Tae? Are you okay?” he asked in a rush of panic “Can you breathe? Is everything okay?”

“Hm-hm…” Tae hummed languidly, her breathing making her shoulder blades and her skin move beautifully as her lungs were filled up and emptied “Just… so intense…”

Rex hesitated, still very alarmed. He had no kriffing idea what to make of that.

“You… You want to stop, cyare? Wanna call it all off? All you have to do is say that--”

Tae shook her head, her voice hoarse under her shallow breaths.

“No… Please don’t… Now call me pet again. Please…”

Rex slowly - very slowly – leaned in to kiss Tae’s back. She was enjoying it. Enjoying it in a way Rex had never seen before. He twisted his wrist in order to wrap the long leash on his palm.

“Do you like it, pet?” he took a chance at the word and it was like Tae melted down like meiloorun ice cream on a hot day “Make that sound again, please. I want to hear it.”

He licked Tae’s soft skin, inhaling her scent – something that reminded him of coffee and cinnamon, could be from her work at the coffee shop, but the smells were now always associated to Tae in his brain. Tae let out another long, pained moan. Rex absolutely needed to get rid of that cod piece, his cock felt almost numb in its confinement. Rex straightened his back so that he could hiss the back of Tae’s head, bury his nose in the soft black waves of her hair, leaning to brush his cheek on her ear and nibble at it.

“Can you be a good girl and take off my cod piece?” he asks “I know you always enjoy it.”

Good girl, what the kark am I doing? This is how General Kenobi talks to that chemilizard he uses every now and then on his missions with Cody. And while Tae got up from the couch and knelt down in front of him again, bare naked except for the leash and looking like a delicious treat, Rex still got hold of himself and cupped her face as she reached to unclasp his codpiece.

“Hey, there.” He said gently “Do you still remember the safeword?”

Tae nodded, her cheeks flushed and a smile on her pink lips.

“It’s ‘droid’. I’m okay, Rex. I promise.”

This was what Rex needed to hurry and get rid of his hand guards, handing them to Tae as she got the front of his codpiece too – Rex lifted himself off the couch and she reached for the back piece, piling them all up and carefully placing them with the others – Rex felt much better out of the damn thing. Hells. He could feel himself twitch.

Tae nudged closer to Rex, still kneeling between his legs and reaching her beautiful, delicate hands over…

“Ah.” Rex gasped out; the feeling of her hands over his blacks was almost surprising, no matter if he was looking or not. “Ahh…”

Tae unbuttoned his blacks, pulling his zipper down. The sound of it seemed so loud, so obscene, the prelude of something unspeakably dirty, so different from their sacred lovemaking. A thought crossed Rex’s mind: it was like all this time they had been making love, and it was beautiful, and fulfilling, and so, so pleasant, and he wouldn’t trade it for the word, but tonight…

Rex looked down to Tae as she pawed at his hard cock, running her fingers over it like she’d never seen it before.

…Tonight they were going to fuck.

Tae gave a few tugs to Rex’s cock, and this was normal, this was what she’d do right before they’d start every time they slept together but then she leaned closer, her breath hot over his skin and then…

Now Rex could understand Tae’s sound, a moan stained by something that sounded like pain, as the same sound would now leave Rex’s lips. Tae’s mouth- her tongue- so hot- so wet- teeth grazing without hurting- her tongue- oh, her tongue…

Rex just dropped his head back, incapable of thinking or saying anything. This was like her pussy, but different. Her tongue was so kriffing hot and wet, and – ah! – she was poking at the slit – now around the head – hells, this was something else entirely- oh yeah, the… the things he was supposed to say…

“You’re so good pet.” He says, and it sounds like he’s drunk on kashyykian vodka all over again “So good. Ohhh.” Tae was karking bobbing her head up and down and how in the stars had he never tried this before, it feels like he could orgasm right now “Slower.” He gasps, tugging at the leash to stop Tae from keeping her pace “Slower, cyare… pet.”

Rex raises his head and looks down to Tae and sees her, his beautiful Tae, looking up to him with those dark green eyes full of a false innocence, and her mouth wrapped around his hard cock. It took all of Rex’s willpower not to shoot his load in her mouth right then and there. He drew a deep breath, trying to think of how many reports he still had to write, anything that got his mind off of how karking hot Tae looked with her hands on his thighs and his cock poking at her throat. Rex pulled very slowly at the leash to get Tae away from him. This made her lips slide up his cock until she let go of him with a loud, wet pop. The obscene sound seemed almost to echo in the room. Rex tried his best to sound more or less collected as he instructed:

“Get up, pet. On your feet.” Tae did. Rex stood up too, his stiff cock standing over his stomach, its head glistening with the precome that already leaked from its slit; Now, holding Tae by a leash, Rex could properly notice how much smaller than him she was, tiny and fragile, just like a little pet. Rex muttered “Do you remember the safeword?”

“Droid,” Tae said short of breath, and her lips were red and wet from sucking him

My girlfriend was sucking my cock, he repeated to himself in his arousal as he reached for her hand and kissed it. Tae whimpered at that.

“Get to the bedroom now.” He ordered dryly, placing the leash on her hand. Odd. It wasn’t like him to talk to Tae like that…

And as Tae smiled and turned around, walking – again, entirely naked – to her bedroom, Rex realized in a new rush of panic that this was the voice he used as a commanding officer. He swallowed hard, rubbing his temple. Like some people would say, he was down the vulptex burrow now. Might as well allow himself to enjoy these odd new discoveries.

So he walked in the dimly-lit room seeing Tae hand him the leash back. She looked so helpless, like she needed someone to hold her, to take care of her. Just like a stray loth-cat. So precious. Rex felt a strange simultaneous wish to both hug her pressing a kiss to her forehead and to fuck her into the mattress so hard she would scream out. He felt himself leaning a lot towards the latter.

So Rex picked up the leash, and Tae’s smile made his cock twitch again. Tae blinked slowly, again just like a loth-cat.

“What do you want to do, Rex?” her voice was a plea “I’ll do anything you ask.” She bit the corner of her lip “I wanna be a good pet for you.”

Rex had a feeling like Tae had been dying to say these words for a long time. So Rex gave a couple of sharp tugs to her leash, pulling her close. Tae kept looking at him with that kriffing innocent look that made him want to both pet her hair and push her head down to his crotch. He reached down between Tae’s legs with the intent of getting her warmed up like he always did before they laid down on the bed, but…

“Kark…” Rex’s middle finger ran over the engorged, slick clit and right into her drenched pussy; she wasn’t wet, she was soaking “Oh, pet, now this…” he pushed his finger inside, and Tae moaned “this is just beautiful.”

He worked his finger deep inside of Tae, and she clinged to his arm, spreading her legs wider for him. Rex paid close attention to her blushed cheeks, to her half-open lips letting out moans, to her screwed-shut eyes and her arching eyebrows, her tensed-up neck as he pushes in another finger, and her sounds—

Stars, Tae could make him cum just with her moans and small screams if she wanted to. But even as her sounds seemed to be the hottest thing he could get out of her lips, she whispered.

“Ah, please, please Rex, fuck me, I can’t stand any longer…” her voice was drawn out, cut off by her shallow breaths, messy in the most delicious way Rex had ever heard “Fuck me, please, I’ve been a good pet, fuck me…”

Rex pecked Tae on her lips, still working his fingers inside or her, pushing, twisting, rubbing. Tae reached for a deeper kiss but Rex pulled back with a smile. Jesse could be fond of delaying pleasure to his girlfriend how much he wanted, but Rex just wanted to give Tae what she needed – her begging was just too cute.

“I will.”

Rex couldn’t bring himself to say ‘fuck you’; this whole dirty talking business was going surprisingly well for a man whose vocabulary in bed consisted of ‘is this good?’, ‘oh, yes.’, ‘are you close?’ and ‘I love you, cyare’, but he wasn’t about to be a pro anytime soon

“Lie down.” He says as he guides her to the bed by the leash, and it’s his captain voice, dry and sharp and commanding; it flows easier that way “On your back, legs spread, pet.”

Tae obeyed; Rex knelt in front of her, and Tae looked hungrily at his hard, straining cock as he guided it into her wet hole, pushing inside very slowly. Tae always seemed highly pleased at the feeling of him entering her, but today she moaned languidly, rolling her hips in time with his moves, snarling and coiling like a snake, her eyes filled with a burning desire. Kark, this is hot. Rex pulled back, and as childish as it would sound, he asked:

“I want to hear those sounds again, pet. Can you please moan for me? Hm?” he pushed back in slowly, going as deep as he could until he could feel his balls pressing against Tae; Tae moaned loudly and Rex gave an involuntary grin “There. Just like that.”

He got up from his ankles and leaned over Tae, hooking one of her legs over his shoulder while the other remained folded close to his ribs, and he supported himself on his free hand, tugging softly at Tae’s leash as he bottomed out in her, and she positively let out a scream. Rex looked at her, and before he could ask if she remembered the safeword she whined:

“Please, don’t stop, harder, do it harder.”

Rex pressed his hand that still held the leash on the mattress to have better support and he pulled out halfway to then push back inside as hard as he could. Tae screamed, and the sound was so new, so exciting. Rex kissed her face softly, he knew she was enjoying the rough play, but he needed to be loving too. There was no other way for Rex. She would always be his Tae.

“I love you, pet.” he says in the best way he can think not to break the mood “You feel so good. I love you.”

Tae rakes her nails on Rex’s back, and it makes him shudder. Her face is flushed with pleasure and her lips are twisted in an unspoken plea.

“I love you too, Rex… Harder… Do it harder…”

Rex kisses her again and then he pulls out to then slam back in, and he does it again, and again, and Tae screams, clawing at his back, wrapping her leg on Rex’s waist as the other remains hooked over his shoulder to give him leverage. Rex pounded her in a way he never expected to, rough and untamed and almost violent, grunting and snarling and tugging at her leash, growling between his labored breaths:

“My pet… only mine… my beautiful pet Tae…” he was never good with coming up with dirty talking so he was just running his mouth, lost in his own pleasure “I’m so hard for you, pet… So hard…”

Tae seemed to be having the air pushed out of her lungs on each thrust, but Rex kept an eye on her, drowned in pleasure but still vigilant, careful not to pull too hard on the leash. Tae screamed out Rex’s name, and he could feel the tightening muscles on his cock, the shift on Tae’s shallow breaths how hard she dug her nails on his back, almost breaking the skin, and as she was still moaning in the final throes of her orgasm, Rex picked up his pace, pounding her sensitive, wet pussy harder still. He was too close, almost there, and a look to Tae as he bit her lower lip, squeezing him inside her was what he needed to just allow himself to tumble over the edge. He smashed his lips over Tae’s, letting a loud groan in her mouth as he fucked her in sharp stabs timed with each spurt he would let out inside her. He slowed his thrusts as his orgasm subsided, collapsing down on her and letting his eyes fall shut with a sigh. Tae let a breathless laugh.

“Rex…” she groaned “Crushing me…”

Rex’s eyes snapped open and he rolled over Tae, kissing her shoulder

“I’m sorry…” he breathed out “It just… Felt so good…”

“Yeah…” Tae’s smile as she turned to him was worth fighting a thousand enemy droids any day; she flicked the leash “Did you like it?”

Rex curled the corner of his lip in a half-smile.

“I’d say it grew on me.” Despite being breathless and exhausted, Rex sat up, reaching to the collar on Tae’s neck “And now, according to what Jesse taught me, this part is called ‘aftercare’.”

Tae’s neck was a bit red around where the collar had sat over. Rex ran a thumb over it softly.

“And how is that?” Tae asked, and Rex smiled sweetly at her

“Basically I pamper you like there’s no tomorrow.”

Tae giggled, her voice lazy and sleepy while Rex caressed her neck and shoulders.

“Hey, I like that.” Rex gave her a kiss to the forehead “Hey, Rex?”

“Hmmm?”

“Tell Jesse I say thanks.”

Rex shook his head, laughing wholeheartedly.

“Will do, cyare.”

[i-love-you-all]

Sorry, the last one wasn't super specific.

Khm, gekko getting snuggly with his little buddies and maybe other agents/reader wants to join? I need me some fluffy stuff right now.

This is another one that's been sitting in my inbox for some time, sorry about that :))

I really did try to write a fic, but the premise was Gekko having a really bad day and then getting comforted by his buddies after getting his ass kicked by conditioning with Harbor. Or similar things where he goes through something unfathomably sad before feeling comfort. I think, esp w your add on about other agents, I've instead put a quick HC list of how each agent would react/get along with the buddies. (again, I'm very sorry for not having a structured one shot but I wasn't sure how to make it lighthearted without the hurt)

Astra - Loves all of them, and did not need a warm up period to get close to them. Her favourite is Wingman bc of it's spunk but she will never admit it to anyone other than, well, Wingman. Her favourite moments with them are when she is studying on radianite technology and it's connections through history, and having Wingman help turn the pages for her. Wingman gets soft pets every time she's ready to move on to the next page, and she gets a gentle reminder to fix her posture or rest her eyes.

Breach - A little awkward around them at first just because of how small they are, and uh, is there any way for Gekko to give them some armour? Their general squishiness put him on edge. He has a dog, so he gets how much Gekko must love his pets, so he wants to make sure that he won't hurt them by accident. Since he might be in gym at the same time as Harbor, and thus, Gekko since Harbor is his coach, some of the buddies might take turns on the weights as he's benching them. After he gets used to them, and they get used to Breach, he might take Thrash out for a run with his dog as a favour for Gekko. Let them burn out their energy together and whatnot.

Brimstone - Has treated them as a dog at the start, giving them very simple commands like "sit", "stay", "down", etc. It took a while for him to understand that they can do more complex commands if they're willing. Now, when he spends time with them, it's normally when Gekko challenges him to older video games (like the video we watched when the video game gun skins came out). The buddies will get snacks and watch, but they're often the first ones to fall asleep. On more than one occasion, Brimstone has tucked them in with Gekko while he sleeps on the couch.

Chamber - Was not fond of them at first. He was a little worried about their... bodies? Like, do they stain? Are said stains easy to wash? Will they ruin his shoes? (Spoilers, they did ruin his shoes, but in a worse way than just getting a stain on them :p). The buddies also aren't that fond of him. The one moment of peace between them is when Chamber plays the piano. Maybe it's the vibrations they feel while sitting on the piano, or maybe they genuinely enjoy the pieces he plays, but that is the only time they have a complete truce.

Cypher - Cypher expressed mild joy or amusement when he met Gekko, but of all the agents he has the least interactions with them (even considering deadlock bc she has interactions... just not great ones...). He and Gekko don't cross paths often, as their work is quite different, and Cypher certainly is not part of Gekko's training. However, one time while he snuck in to the kitchen late at night to brew some tea, he noticed that the younger agents were passed out around the various chairs and couches. Among them, Dizzy was perilously balanced on Phoenix's hair, rocking back and forth in its sleep. He gently moved the small creature to rest in Phoenix's arms instead.

Deadlock - I don't know if there's much to say here. Ever since she threatened Wingman, the buddies have kept their distance from her. Maybe one day, one of them will worm their way into her heart, but for now, there's too much pain in her memories when she sees them. She can't help but remember the screams of her friends, the blips blinking out one by one until she was alone, and the pain of the radianite injected into her veins as the mutated bear tried to bite her arm off. It's just a maybe though.

Fade - As a cat lover, she bonds well with Dizzy the most due to it's calm, sleepy nature. She also bonded well with Mosh because of how quiet and reserved it could be sometimes. She's not around HQ too often, as she is a scout and is haunting down the people who hurt her loved one(s), but when she is, she gets at least one secretive cuddle session in with Dizzy.

Gekko - I mean... He loves each and every one of them equally (unlike Astra who pretends not to have favourites but secretly does). They hang around him as he eats, they ride with him on his skateboard all the time, and in the evenings, even when they're allowed to spread freely around the room while he sleeps, they always end up in a tight pile together with him. Dizzy likes being on a pillow by his head. Thrash is either under one of his arms or sleeping on his leg. Mosh is under the other arm or right on his chest. And Wingman is snuggled in the crook of his arm or by his head, just on the opposite side of Dizzy.

Harbor - Likes them, but is more concerned about Gekko's progress. Sure, he'll take a break sometime to play with or pet some of the buddies, maybe while Gekko is preoccupied with a long run, but otherwise, doesn't really pay too much attention to them. He will sometimes train them with Gekko too, to make sure that Gekko understands how to use them or when to rely on them in a gunfight, and in those cases, the buddies treat him as their coach too. Wingman has saluted him more than once.

Jett - Plays with his buddies all the time. Sometimes, enough to make Gekko just a little jealous because she doesn't have to go through the same training regimen as him. Her favourite thing is to play keepaway with all four of them at once. She'll hold out some shiny object and toss it in one direction, just to dash over to where it'll land and catch it before any of the buddies.

Kay/O - Treats them like any other agent. He holds conversations, often one-sided, with them, and he'll pretend to understand them. He doesn't really play with them or snuggle with them, but on cold days, or when they go to icebox, the big robotic robot tends to run hot, so the buddies will be resting on his head, shoulders, anywhere they can perch, just to sap a bit of warmth.

Killjoy - Fascinated with them. She finds them cute, and enjoys playing them on occasion, but it's not surprise to anyone when her main interest turns to studying them. So, while she's in her lab, the buddies have learned not to bother her, lest she strap one of them to her bioanalysis machines again. Outside of the lab though, they'll sit with her as she eats or scrolls her phone. Wingman in particular likes to be there when she plays games because of the pretty colours on screen.

Neon - She was trying not to coo over them or treat them in any particular way at first in an attempt to appear more mature or be "cool". But with time, and as the other younger agents started playing more with the buddies, she begrudgingly let herself join in on the fun. Now, she likes to jog with Thrash when Breach is unavailable, or she'll nap with Dizzy in her arms. She'll even dance with Mosh when she's alone in her room because it likes to bounce up and down in time with her music.

Omen - Similar to Fade in that he bonds with Dizzy best. Of them all, Dizzy moves the least and seems the calmest, so it blends in with his other hobbies, mainly knitting. He's had Wingman help him keep track of his yarn a few times. It was great until, he realized the one time he had to buy new yarn because Wingman got so tangled in it, that he had to cut the little buddy out. He's not opposed to them in general as long as they don't disrupt him.

Phoenix - Warmed up easily to them (pun not intended). Similar to KAY/O, the buddies won't leave his side if the weather outside is cold, but he plays games with them like he does with Jett. They play a little football (not American), even though the ball is about the same size as some of them. Dizzy has once gotten plastered to the side of the ball as it rolled downhill once, and though there was no harm done, Dizzy is not allowed to play football with them anymore. Mosh and Thrash are the best at it though since Mosh is good at headbutting the ball, and Thrash is actually a pretty good keeper.

Raze - So chaotic that the buddies even have a hard time holding on (Literally). More than once, Wingman has tried to hang off her hair or shoulders as she blast packs her way around the training range but ended up getting thrown to the ground. But they don't feel the landing like most people, so it's like a fun game for them. Gekko is all for it as well.

Reyna - She seems to treat Gekko as almost a younger sibling or a nephew, so that care generally expands to the people he cares about. In this case, she has grown fond of the buddies. She doesn't play with them like other agents might, but she will give them a nice pat and maybe a praise in Spanish when with Gekko. She does however make sure to protect them, especially once Deadlock joined the team. They treat her with respect, and she's a good queen to them :p

Sage - She doesn't often have the time to be around them, but they are more than welcome to join her when she meditates or finds time to relax. Given her role in the protocol, there might be some hesitation when it comes to Gekko letting them bother her. She doesn't seem to be his direct mentor (that's more Harbor), and she seems to be in the commanding trio along with Viper and Brimstone. If Gekko and his buddies do hang around her, they do so with extreme caution and a lot of formal respect.

Skye - She has her own, though they are different from Gekko's buddies, seeing as she made them, and like two dog owners whose dogs are best friends, the same applies here. Skye doesn't interact with Gekko a lot, but her tasmanian tiger and her hawk get along well with his buddies, and they arrange play dates on occasion when they're both free. Skye herself has thoughts about how the buddies came to be, but while she may not agree with how they came to be(in fact she hates the idea of animal testing), she can clearly see that they have personalities and deserve to be cared for like any other creature.

Sova - I see him as being more reserved in general life at the HQ. He's friendly, and so he welcomed Gekko and the buddies easily, but he's not an easy man to get a hold of, despite the fact that he sticks to a pretty strict regimen. But his workouts rarely line up with Gekko, they don't share hobbies, and he's quite busy with missions as he doesn't have to train and prepare, and Brimstone uses him quite often for various missions at a time. But there was one time he allowed a strange request, and he let Wingman hold onto his arrow to see if he could shoot Wingman over top of a roof and to the sandpit on the other side. It was disguised as training, so they could experiment with their abilities together, but in reality, Wingman wanted to see what "flying" would be like, and some other agents wanted a fun video to remember this by.

Viper - She's the type of lady who pretends not to like someone's pet, only to be found softly talking to it moments later when she thinks she's alone. Though, she doesn't talk to the buddies. She knows that Gekko can understand them somehow, so she just gives them soft pets, lets them watch her experiments, etc. when Gekko is busy and no one is around. I don't even think Gekko knows this about them. The buddies know better than to be spilling Viper's secrets.

Yoru - He has to have taken one of the buddies on a joy ride on his bike. Maybe he was the one who inspired Wingman to want to go faster (which I've repeated throughout this whole compilation of HCs). Like Viper, he won't fawn over the buddies in public, but in smaller crowds or alone, he'll have short, one-sided conversations with the buddies.

[lab-trash]

I put up a krewer fic. For my one other krewer fan out there.

“It’s my, uh… Bird!”

“Why’s your bird in a box?” Milton asked, a confused look on his face. 

“Well, my bird is in a box because it’s” Jack looked for an excuse. Agh. “Dead!” He said with too much excitement over the excuse. “I mean, uh… dead.” He corrected his tone. Milton immediately looked sad for his friend. 

“I am so sorry. Come on. Bring it in, you,” Milton said, holding long arms out. Jack swallowed, holding himself back from immediately launching himself into Milton’s safety, away from this mess he’d gotten himself in.

“No…” He said humbly. 

“Yeah,” Milton said encouragingly. Jack couldn’t say no to him again. 

He gave in, leaning into Milton’s shoulder. Milton embraced him as well as he could for the weird angle they were at.

Jack liked being so close to him. He smelled good; citrusy. That made sense for him. He was warm, also made sense due to the layers he usually wore. His lanky body was surprisingly comfortable, although the back of Jack’s head said it was just because it was Milton so of course he was comfortable touching him.

The second Milton’s hand touched Jack’s hair, he pulled away. If he let that go on even a moment longer, Jack would’ve crumbled, revealing the planned date and Jack’s feelings about it— about Milton.

“Okay! Uh…” He babbled as he pulled away. “You know… Thank you, Milton, but I’m grieving, so I should probably be alone right now.” He said. 

He swerved around Milton, heading for the dojo. 

Maybe he didn’t have to be alone, but he had to not be around Milton. Milton made Jack feel the way he knew he should’ve felt around Kim. But it was easy to pretend he loved Kim, she was his only girl friend. Maybe romantic feelings were just like platonic feelings, just for girls.

Maybe this urge to be near Milton was nothing. Maybe this trance that Jack had to actively fight whenever he spoke was nothing. Maybe it was just that Best Friend Feeling! Nothing romantic, nothing gay about it. 

“Oh, you’re wrong, Jack,” Milton said, following him into the dojo. “A funeral service is exactly what you need! That’s why, I’m arranging one here at the dojo tomorrow!” Milton said, making Jack turn.

Of course Milton was going to say that. This was Milton.

No matter what, Jack had to reject it. He had to be with a girl— with Kim. That’s what he was supposed to do. Everyone told him so. 

“Ah, I don’t know, man.” He swallowed again. He hated lying to people, especially Milton. “Bucky was a very… private bird.”

“Trust me, Jack,” Milton said. He motioned to himself. “I didn’t get to say a proper goodbye to my goldfish. A-And there are some days I just can’t even get out of bed.”

Jack’s heart ached. He hated the idea of Milton feeling that way. He also hated that he didn’t know about this, that Milton hadn’t told him. 

“I’m sorry, man. When did that happen?” He asked, trying not to let his sympathetic pain show. Milton stepped back slightly.

“Nine years ago!” He exclaimed, sounding genuinely broken up about it. 

Part of Jack thought that he was being a bit ridiculous; that he shouldn’t be reacting this strongly to the death of a goldfish from back when he was 7 years old. But this was Milton. He was precious and fragile and god, if Jack didn’t care about him enough to look past the stupid reason for occasional deep bouts of depression, he’d probably hate himself. 

“Right,” Jack said. 

“I just, I don’t want this sort of long lasting effect to happen to you because you never got to say goodbye,” Milton said, turning back to his friend. 

Jack’s stomach churned. Why the hell did Milton have to be like this. Why did he have to be so sweet and caring… why did he have to be so fucking loveable. 

“Of course. Thanks Milton.” Milton beamed at him, making the feeling worse. 

The feeling of relief that flooded him at the idea of skipping out on this date and getting to spend the whole night with Milton instead. He hated that feeling, almost as much as he loved it.

________

Jack may or may not have gotten dressed four different times in order to find the most flattering outfit. He knew for a fact that he wouldn’t have put this much care and panic into his outfit for his date with Kim; he already had the outfit picked out. 

He probably would’ve worn that— a black and grey button-up with dress pants and the most formal shoes he could find, which were basically just black sneakers— but once he put it on, he decided it wasn’t good enough for Milton. For a funeral, rather, that Milton put so much time and effort into. 

He slapped on a blazer over top, but it looked too monochromatic. He ran through probably too many dress shirt/tie combinations before settling on a muted cerulean button up with no tie and the top button undone. 

He wasn’t Milton; he wasn’t great at pulling off the whole formal look.

He walked into the mall foyer when he saw Kim. She was wearing a pink, yellow and blue printed dress. She was pretty, from what Jack could tell. 

“Wow. Kim, you look amazing,” He praised, like he knew he should. 

“Thanks!” She said happily, looking at Jack’s outfit. Part of him felt weird about it, like this outfit wasn’t for her. “You do too,” She returned. She sighed. “Ugh, this was supposed to be our romantic date at Portaccini’s,” She said. Jack tried not to swallow anxiously at the very idea of that happening. 

He was supposed to like her. He was supposed to find her attractive and cool and the ideal partner, but he just couldn’t. He wanted to, but it was just always out of reach; there was always a roadblock in the way. 

“Yeah, instead I’m going to a funeral for a bird that doesn’t exist,” He said, trying to put the roadblock out of his mind. 

“And I’m going on a date with Jerry, who unfortunately does exist,” She added. He noticed Jerry walking up to Kim and heard footsteps behind him, presumably Milton. 

“Let’s get our grieve on, Jack,” He said.

As Jack’s eyes laid upon him, his breath caught and he was made painfully aware that the roadblock’s name was Milton Krupnick. 

He looked back at Kim and Jerry, trying not to stare. He tensed up as Milton put his hand on his shoulder, then quickly moved it around Jack’s shoulders. He swallowed his pleasant unease. 

He kept his eyes glued on Kim as they both stepped away, not wanting to face the reality that was the hot mess that he became when he faced the cute mess before him. 

Milton sat Jack down in a chair facing an audience of others and he tried not to stare as Milton made his way to the podium he set up. 

“I’ve prepared a poem for Jack and the loss of his dear bird, Bucky.”

Jack could see his mother in the audience with a look of confusion. Jack squeezed his eyes tight shut, trying not to let this moment linger like he knew it would in his mind that night. 

As Milton paused, Jack felt the relief that maybe this would be over soon and he could go home and fall asleep— though he’d inevitably dream about the majesty that apparently was Milton in a classic suit, holy wow— but Milton spoke up dramatically again. 

Jack took it upon himself to interrupt the so very Milton moment, despite his chest weighing him down to his seat. 

“Okay, thank you. Thank you,” He said. His voice caught once he let his eyes linger on Milton again and he jerked his eyes back begrudgingly toward the audience.

“Jack, uh, why don’t you come up and say something?” Milton asked with a bittersweet smile. 

“Uh, no, no.” He briefly made the mistake of making contact with Milton’s crystal blue eyes, which were accentuated well by the dark colour of his clothing and the ginger of his hair. “I-I’m good, thank you,” He stuttered, not looking down at their shoes instead. 

“Oh, well, come on,” Milton urged. The moment he felt Milton’s hand on his back he couldn’t bring himself to argue against it. “Say something.”

The next thing Jack knew, he was behind the podium, his thoughts only occupied with Milton while he was supposed to be making a speech for his late bird. 

He hesitated. 

“Uh… Bye-Bye, birdie,” He said, a bit dazed. “Thank you all for coming,” Was all he could say next. 

He walked into the direction of Milton, expecting him to move so he could sit back down. But Milton stopped him by putting his hand on his chest. Jack hoped he couldn’t feel the absolute jackhammer that was his heartbeat.

“Oh, no. This was just the memorial,” Milton said. “Now we take the four-mile funeral march up to Mount Seaford for the graveside service,” He said. Jack’s face morphed to match his pain. 

First of all, why did Milton have to be so thorough in his kindness and generosity? Why did he have to be so sweet and considerate and amazing— like he just wanted Jack to fall in love with him. Second of all, what the fuck… Third of all, Jack hated that he couldn’t just confess everything right now. 

It would hurt him, it would hurt Kim, and it would probably hurt Milton. 

“And then down to the skating arena for the musical tribute: Bucky’s Life on Ice,” Milton said with just the sweetest sympathetic smile. 

Jack sobbed out random nonsense that honestly he wasn’t thinking about but just hoped it wasn’t some random confession.

As Milton walked Jack out of the dojo, he subconsciously thanked his choice to not buy dress shoes, leaving him in sneakers. 

They walked mostly in silence, even as they hit the outdoors. 

Jack allowed himself an occasional glance at Milton as they walked through the night, but that turned into him staring at Milton’s beauty— which was somehow magnified in the moonlight. 

The silvery glow let Milton’s eyes shine like beautiful larimar. His pale skin complimented it well and his hair made Jack feel like he was being faced with fire. Soft, beautiful, fluffy fire. His freckles were paler in this light, but just as beautiful as they always were.

They were at least halfway up the path when Milton noticed.

“Jack, are you alright?” He asked carefully. “I understand if you don’t want to continue; I can be a little too much sometimes.”

“What?” Jack asked, spacing back in. “No, you’re not too much. Well, in this situation, I guess you technically are,” He sputtered. He took a breath. “It’s okay. Let’s keep going.”

He had to do this. For Kim. For Milton. For himself. 

Jack wasn’t allowed to be queer. He wasn’t allowed to be anything but perfect. Perfect face, perfect hair, perfect talent— a blackbelt with a blackbelt girlfriend who was just as beautiful as he was. 

He wasn’t supposed to be in love with a dorky, adorable yellow belt. A yellow belt who put so much time and effort, and probably money, into doing this for him. 

Once they reached what Jack assumed was the gravesite, they placed the corsage into a pre-dug hole that Milton made. 

It ran through Jack’s head that Milton walked up this mountain just to dig a hole for a fictional bird. 

“Would you like to say anything before we let Bucky return to earth?” Milton asked. Jack swallowed nervously. They were almost done. He shook his head.

Milton nodded and carefully covered the white box with the dirt he’d dug out with a trowel.

With the corsage buried, so was Jack’s self control and the pressure to date Kim. 

It felt so symbolic to see Milton burying this thing that Jack had bought for Kim. It felt so symbolic seeing Milton putting this symbol of his and Kim’s relationship under the dirt, never to be seen again.

“Actually, I-I… I should say something.” 

Milton smiled gently at him.

“Go ahead,” He said encouragingly. “It’s just the two of us. Say what’s on your mind— your true feelings.”

If that’s what Milton wanted…

“Milton, I don’t have a bird,” He admitted. “I’ve never had a bird; I know nothing about taking care of birds. I lied to you.” Milton’s encouraging smile fell. 

“Why would you lie to me?” He asked, sounding hurt. Jack took a breath.

“I was supposed to go on a date with Kim tonight.” Milton’s eyes widened, clearly feeling guilty. 

“Oh my goodness, Jack, I-I am so sorry! Jerry and I totally ruined this night for you two!”

“Well, I… I’m thankful, honestly.”

“What?”

Jack took another breath, finally allowing his thoughts to align— finally allowing all of these fantasies and thoughts about Milton to collect. 

“I would rather spend a day climbing up a mountain with you than sitting in a romantic restaurant with Kim,” He admitted. “I don’t actually… like Kim like that.”

“Why would you lie to her like that—”

“I’m gay!” Jack spat out. His eyes widened and brimmed with tears. 

That was the first time he’d said it, the first time he’d admitted it to himself. 

“Oh my god…” he whimpered. “I’m gay…” He said, his hands shaking as he brought them to his mouth. 

“Oh,” Milton said quietly. “Oh! Oh my god.” Milton smiled. “Jack,” He urged, stepping closer. He wrapped his arm around Jack’s shoulders, and put his other hand on his other shoulder. “That’s okay.“

“It’s not,” He muttered quietly. He wiped away a few of his tears. “I-I’m supposed to be with Kim, I-I’m supposed to date girls, I-I’m not supposed to be in love w-with…”

“Jack, it’s okay. I had a tough time with it too, but with a little love and acceptance—”

“What?” Jack asked, turning his head to face Milton. They were closer than he expected. He never thought he’d get to see Milton’s eyes this intimately.

“When I came out, my parents were a little… less than accepting,” Milton admitted, stepping back a little. He kept both his hands on Jack. 

Honestly, he was thankful for that. It kept him grounded. 

“My dad came around, but my mom still hasn’t. I don’t expect her too— a-and I don’t need her to. I’m proud of myself for being myself. It’s one of the only things I actually like about myself,” He said. “You’ll learn to love and accept yourself too, Jack. I know you will. You’re amazing, you deserve the confidence that comes with pride.”

“You’re gay?” Jack asked. Milton smiled lightheartedly.

“I thought it was obvious,” He said with a small laugh. “I guess if you’d known you could’ve come to me before,” He said. “I promise you’re safe with me. You can tell me anything.”

The way he said it, so comforting and sweet. It made Jack want to believe him.

“I think I’m in love with you,” He said. Honestly, he wasn’t thinking. He only realised when Milton stepped back. He sighed.

“C’mon, Jack. You don’t mean that. Just because I’m the only other gay guy you know doesn’t mean that you have to feel like you like me. There are other gay guys in Seaford, trust me. I’m sure you’ll find a sweet, cute boy to go out with.” Jack sighed. 

“Milton, I was… in love with you before I knew you were gay,” Jack admitted. “Seriously, I was really struggling with it. I’d go to bed every night, thinking about how I should be with Kim— because everyone thinks so, everyone says so. Even my mom, who’s only met Kim once. But I’d wake up from dreams about you.”

“Really?” Milton asked meekly. 

“Yeah,” Jack answered. “Milton, you’re amazing,” He said. He took a risk and put his hand on Milton’s. “You’re so sweet and beautiful. You’re smart and funny and literally the most thoughtful person I’ve ever met. I don’t get how people can not fall in love with you.”

“You actually like me?” Milton asked, as if Jack’s speech wasn’t clear enough. 

“Well, seeing you in a suit tonight almost destroyed me and the only reason I didn’t tell you I didn’t have a bird sooner is because I wanted to spend the night with you,” Jack said, a lot more bluntly than he had before. “And I… really want to kiss you right now,” He added quietly. 

“Really?” Milton asked with wide eyes. “You can! Right now, if you want. Please.”

Jack smiled and did the one thing that his dreams featured every night these days. 

He kissed Milton Krupnick. 

Milton kissed back immediately, just as Jack had always imagined. His lips were soft, which made sense. He tasted like cinnamon rolls; also made sense. It matched how he smelled today.

Jack finally let his hands settle onto Milton’s body, one on his freckled cheek and the other tucked half-beneath Milton’s suit jacket by his hip.

Milton’s hands settled at Jack’s neck and buried in Jack’s hair. Jack usually didn’t like people touching his hair, but when it came to Milton, he kind of craved it. 

Once they pulled away— after what was definitely not long enough— Milton’s eyes hesitated to open. 

“Wow,” He said as they flicked open. 

“Agreed,” Jack said, a smile spreading over his face. Milton swallowed this time, pulling away slightly.

“So, uh… I have the ice skating rink completely rented out for the next hour. If you wanna go… like on a date or something,” He said. “A-And no one would ever know, because it’s completely private.” 

“That sounds amazing,” Jack said, a smile on his face. It fell slightly. “I… might not be ready to tell people for a while,” He admitted. “I’m still getting used to this whole… ‘being okay with myself’ thing.”

“That’s okay, Jack,” Milton said. He quickly pecked Jack’s lips again, surprising him slightly. “I’ll wait for you to be ready.” He pulled away completely, but offered his hand. “So… ice skating?”

“Sounds perfect.”

[starmahgalaxies]

Get to Know You

Thanks for @sinvulkt for tagging me. I'm not really sure about what facts to give about myself so I'll just use what you did, with a couple others that are relevant for my answers. And this makes me look like a massive weeb (or am I?!), but that's mainly because my most recent/current fandoms and my very first fandoms were animanga. (yes, yes I am)

Last song: King of Anything - Sara Bareilles

Currently watching: I'm not currently watching anything, but next up on my list I have finishing up Digimon Adventure (2020) and going back to Magi The Adventures of Sinbad.

The main thing I want to do soon is go back to my incredible backlog of video games. There are so many just sitting in my library.

Playing Next: I've wanted to get to Chrono Trigger on my PC since Akira Toriyama died. His designs in video games are iconic. But I also have a lot of indie games that I want to go through too. I should make a wheel to decide, but I haven't yet.

Three ships: I have several ships, but none rank high enough really to be above everything else. If I name any amount I'll name all of them and be here all day. Like many 90s queer kids, Haruka and Michiru (Sailor Moon) was my first lesbian couple. At least in my circles growing up.

Favorite Relationship Dynamic: Familial! They can be whatever! Oh, you mean romantic ship dynamics? Meh. Romantic ships are fun -- I'm Aegoro -- but I have no real preference there. I like family relationships more and even a good enemy ships. Not even enemies to lovers (not always) just enemies. Give me a bonfire mess of a dynamic and I'll watch it.

Favorite color: I like shades of red and magenta.

Currently consuming: Nothing. Eating by my computer, over my tablet/keyboard will leave a mess and get all over both things when I rather they not. I need that stuff to work! The last thing I had though was a big fat chocolate muffin for breakfast.

(Since I am writing this in two sittings, the thing that I had last now was an Italian soda from a local café chain and chocolate eggs that were on clearance at the supermarket.)

First ship: I'm sure I had non-gay ships first. I didn't clue into people of same gender liking each other for a while. Or anyone liking anyone for a while. For the life of me I can not remember them. So the same answer as above. HaruMichi.

Birthplace: I was born through a C-section! So not quite through my mother's womb. (yay Macbeth reference. And anyone reading this name in a theater, I'm sorry XD)

Jokes aside, I am, for better and worse, an American.

Current location: I haven't moved far from where I was born.

Relationship status: Hahahahaha. That's cute. No. 🧡💛🤍🩵💙

Last movie: This makes me sad. I can't remember. Life (being broke), moving (having physical copies packed away), and stuff in general has made it so I can't remember the last time I saw a movie movie.

Other recreational watches typically rank higher on to-do list anyway, so don't feel too bad for me XD.

Currently working on: Uh, I have about five drafts (essays and shitposts) on my Magi fandom blog (@pan-magi), one fic I'm working on, and at least five art pieces. I've lost count.

I have the opposite problem with tagging people. I never really feel comfortable tagging anybody. So anyone can do what they want. Heh.

[simofabitch]

Ooh uhh @azumetapraline @morp @arisplotle and anyone else who wants to

Three ships I love??? Uhh shit lemme check my ao3 rq --

..... 😶 was not expecting megatron/starscream to have the biggest share of my relationship bookmarks but here we are. Theres something viscerally satisfying about screamer just getting the slag kicked out of him . Okay. They've got the best toxic dynamic going on and it's kinda fruity. Not my fault !!!

two more.... metalor obvs... one more uhhh

Vash the Stampede/Nicholas Wolfwood . Guy that would let himself die to save others with guy that would kill others to keep his loved ones from dying. Yes teach that man to take care of himself... two sides of the same coin.... etc etc I need to watch the original.

First ship? Uh

I'm blanking out here ngl..

Oh. Why would you make me remember the kirby characters/reader deviantart fanfic group I used to frequent. And now I lost the game.

The first ship I ever shipped. I'm so sorry but that's gonna have to stay a secret because I hate the media with all my soul now (its. Extremely bad and Actually Racist), and the "friend" who got me into that media was an equally shitty person. So sad that was my first anime, my god..... I couldn't have picked a worse introduction to fandom and smut....

But the ship after that I was most into was self ship with Meta knight so let's pretend that's my answer

Last song I listened to uh

I'm a bit of an edge lord I'm sorry

Last film was the Mario movie . Pretty good for a kids movie but not great but I love seeing my friends

Currently reading.... I've got two fic tabs open that I'm reading rn, ones a dimentio centric super paper mario fic, the other is rock book

Watching... I havent watched the next episode in a few days but a friend really got me into nabari no ou, it's really good and the backgrounds are gorgeous. I love the aesthetic and how everything looks hand drawn. Also the characters are really good and interesting, they take your expectations and flip them upside down. The powers are cool, everything is cool and when im.in the mood I cant wait to see how it ends and then start consuming fandom content

Consumed a piece of milk tea boba flavored mochi just now

Craving? I'm so restless rn. I'm in one of those moods where I dont want to work but I also don't want to rest and hopefully this video game can burn out my brain a bit. I guess I'm craving for my friends to finish all their stressful finals/graduations and everyone can come over again and I can help dye someone's hair and then sit in someone's lap until I fall asleep watching a youtube documentary. .. jeez I didnt know what was wrong with me until a tumblr ask game forced me to articulate it.,, I,ah, eto bleh and I lost the game again!

Hey, tagged by @rulerofmarsandearth , oke I wanna try it ❤️

Tagging some people I’d like to know better ^^ :

@noyin @birbwell @timeturner-jay @flame-shadow @pollyannam3 @melissa-s23 @poisonhemloc

Three ships I love: hmmm… I mean I’m not recently much into fandom shipping, I’m focusing more on my ocs, but the ships that are special for me are the crack ships I made so genzayra, tisocloth (someone called it tissue I’m dying) and kingceit ❤️

First ever ship: something from Naruto probably 😂 Kiba x Hinata? I can recall writing a fanfic for my friend about them once

Last song: listening to new fave song on loop for hours gang 👌 For me recently Siren’s Call Seafoam Mix by DM DOKURO has definitely the most loops

Last film: … the last movie would be Avatar 2, like half a year ago. … my cultural self growth is in stasis

Currently reading: too many fanfics to count

Currently watching: watched few episodes of Glow Up with friends and enjoyed it a lot so we’ll probably continue, but I don’t meet with them too often so it’s gonna take some time to get through even one season 😂 I still don’t know who won this one but don’t wanna spoil it for myself

Currently consuming: raisins and nuts

Currently craving: 10 hour mountain hike

[hotluncheddie]

Seasons change, but people don't.

or three times steve asks eddie to stay, plus one time he finally does.

(my entry for @thefreakandthehair 's winter fic challenge! my prompt was "lets just stay here, watch the snow a little longer." and it turned into a lot of Eddie Munson being silly and spans all the seasons. 6.2k)

Ao3

✧*:･ﾟ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

Spring 1985 

Eddie feels like his skin is too small. His scalp is prickling and he’s had the worst fucking day, okay? His stupid math and science teachers are in kahoots, he knows it. He’s shit in both their classes and they hate him and have it out for him and there's nothing he can do now. His grades are too low, he cant make it up and they don’t like him so there's no way out. Not charming anyone, no sob story that could save his sorry ass now. He’s not graduating. Again. He has to repeat senior year. Again. 

And the added layer to his shit cake of a day? King Steve wants to buy from him. Today, right now. Oh ho ho is he gonna get overcharged sooo bad. Seeing as eddie has to postpone his wallowing to wait at his stupid little bench in the stupid woods behind the stupid school.  

The spring air is nice at least, a little breeze blowing through the trees and the bench is warm from the sun. He's only been waiting for about 5 minutes before the telltale rustles and snaps of someone coming towards his spot are heard. 

Steve the hair Harrington is here. With his long stupid legs and his stupid jacket and eddie is not! In the mood! 

‘Hey man’ Steve slumps down onto the bench across from Eddie with a sigh and, huh. He looks really fucking tired. Like, if Eddie were his friend he would be seriously concerned. 

Steve is not Eddie's friend.

‘Hey yourself. 30 bucks. Cool?’ Eddie gets the baggie out of his little black lunchbox and holds it out. Steve just kind of looks at it. ‘What?’ Eddie snaps. He doesn’t have time for this.

Steve flinches at his tone and looks at Eddie with his big puppy eyes (yes! Eddie knows Steve Harrington is a pretty boy jock and yes! Eddie has had his little gay boy fantasies about Steve Harrington and no! Eddie is not proud of it!) and ohhh my god Eddie does not have time for this!! 

‘Sorry sorry, yeah man. Here.’ Steve takes out the cash and hands it over, but still doesn’t take the bag. He shuffles around, sticking his hands in his ugly preppy jacket ‘You. You wouldn’t roll for me would you?.. I’ll pay extra.’

Eddie scoffs, god what a day! Now this! ‘Baby never had to roll for himself before? Oh! to be royalty. I don’t have time Harrington, go get one of your lackeys to do it.’ He stands and Eddie knows his voice is icy, that a deal in the woods doesn’t require so much bite but he can’t help it. He needs his shitty fucking day to be over.

Steve's cheeks redden and he picks at the table. Eddie was expecting a rise, that classic king Steve bite back. But he just looks kinda like he’s going to throw up? ‘I can roll. I. I could roll. My um, my hands shake. My hands shake so I can't roll anymore.’ And he looks sad, the puppy dog eyes just timesed themselves by like, 10. 

Eddie melts. He knows his heart is too soft and squishy, his dad always loved to tell him so. 

‘Hand it over Harrington. And change your face, you’re breaking my heart man.’ Eddie rolls his eyes and huffs and makes a big show of sitting back on the bench, like rolling a couple silly little blunts for silly little Steve Harrington isn’t literally going to take him 5 minutes. 

‘Sorry, sorry. Um thanks. Thank you man, really.’ Ugh, he still looks sad and now he looks guilty too! Fuck! 

‘You’re fine man, seriously. Okay? I’ve just had a shitty day, rolling your stupid blunts for you isn’t going to make it worse, promise.’ Eddie flashes his teeth, gets out his spare papers and starts rolling. The familiar movements helping him relax a little. 

‘Okay well, thanks still. Uh and sorry, sorry your day was shit dude.’ Eddie side eyes Steve and watches him scrub a hand over his face. He really looks like shit, how did Eddie only just notice?

‘It's whatever. I’m simply forsaken to haunt the hallowed Hawkins High hallways for another year. A travesty for everyone involved honestly.’ and Steve just squints at him for a second, before breathing out a ‘shit, man’ which makes Eddie bark out a laugh. Maybe this new king Steve is more entertaining than the last one. 

‘You wanna um, like, share? Now?’ And isn’t that a question, smoke up with the hair? Oh if Eddie of yesteryear could see him now.

‘Thanks for the offer your majesty but I have a prior engagement’ Eddie stands again and ignores that Steve looks a little disappointed… Weird fucking day. ‘Enjoy though. hope it helps you sleep dude, you look like you need it.’ Eddie packs up his things, he feels a stress headache starting and he really does just want to go home, play his guitar maybe. Build up the courage to talk to Wayne. 

‘Sure, of course. Yeah, yeah. Thanks.’ Steve grimaces, but the corners of his lips rise a little, in a self deprecating way. It looks real, genuine. It suits him, Eddie thinks, being genuine. 

‘No really, you kinda look like shit dude.’ Eddie can't help it, if he’s given a little he’ll take  a lot. Especially if it’s from pretty boys who don’t look like they’re about to beat the shit out of him. 

‘Get the fuck outa here Munson’ Steve rolls his eyes and is smiling like he's trying not to. Eddie’s lizard brain wants to eat him. Eddie’s Eddie brain still wants to go home, but the pit in his stomach feels a little shallower. He starts to walk backwards out of the clearing.

‘Hey, Eddie?’ Steve is looking at the two neat spliffs in his palm. Eddie slows his steps as Steve glances up at him. ‘Just. Uh. There's a lot worse things out there than repeating senior year a couple times, okay dude? A lot worse.’ And there's a fire behind Steve's eyes that Eddie didn’t know was possible. Intense, brave, harrowed.  

Eddie is frozen for a second, held by this person in front of him. Someone he thought he knew, because Eddie knows how to read people and Steve Harrington was always so simple. But this Steve Harrington? This is new. Eddie's stomach twists. He needs to go home. 

He bows deeply, flourishing his hand and spins on his heel… He might just keep an eye out for Steve Harrington from now on. 

Summer 1985 

This was definitely not what Eddie had in mind when he said he would keep an eye out for Steve Harrington. 

He’s ready to head home for the night, after selling from the back porch of cheerleader Stacy Hofferman’s big ass house. The party was to celebrate the coming school year or something equally asinine. But his pockets are fat with rich kid cash and bummed cigarettes he didn’t need, so theres a fucking spring in his step okay? Sue him.

Steve Harrington is splayed on the front lawn, like a starfish and is humming some, carnival song? Wasted. Maybe a little crossfaded, but he didn’t buy anything from Eddie this time so he hopes the near empty vodka bottle is the only thing coursing through those veins right now. He doesn’t need to add Steve Harrington to his conscience tonight. But Eddie is a curious guy, so he saunters over. 

Oh god. Oh no. Steve’s in shorts. Cut off jean shorts. Plus his hair still looks good, even all sprawled out on the grass. Fuck. Eddie hates him. He's still grappling with the memory of seeing Steve in that little sailor outfit at the mall. Now this! 

‘You gonna sing me a song Harrington?’ Eddie’s sneakers stop either side of Steve's head and he leans over a little. Watches as Steve's eyes try to focus, squint a little before recognition brings a smile to Steve's face, mischief to his eyes. Huh, okay that's new. Not bad, but definitely new.  

‘Daisy bell doesn’t have words Eddie’ Steve fucking giggles at him and okay, yep, yep. Wasted.

‘You got a ride home harrington? Might want to cut the party here, yeah?’ Eddie is a weak weak man and something about his first name coming out of Steve Harrington's mouth lights a little fire in his belly. Ugh. Disgusting. 

Steve's face falls a little and his eyes go unfocused again. ‘Nah, can’t be there right now man. M’ good here.’

‘Outside on the grass? You not gonna try getting lucky tonight king Steve?’ Something about Steve being out here alone doesn’t sit right with Eddie. Sure Steve isn’t as surrounded with starry eyed guys and gals after graduating, and maybe a little before then too. But surely he came here with someone who would be pulling him up and away at the end of the night, keeping some sort of an eye out for him. Not that that person would ever be Eddie, but still. It’s, you know, the principle of the thing.

Steve sucks in a breath that puffs his cheeks out, eyes going comically wide before letting the breath out, slow. ‘Nahhhhh dude, haven’t been lucky for a long time.’ and his eyes go unfocused, glassy in the streetlights. ‘Doesn’t feel the same now anyway, not fun like it used to be.’ Suddenly he looks much older, older than Eddie, older than any 19 year old should. Lost in thoughts that draw great shadows onto the planes of his face.   

His eyes snap back up to Eddie, the fog clearing a little. ‘Think the scoops ahoy uniform killed my chances off already anyway. Lots of good things to come out of the mall being destroyed, I don’t have to scoop ice cream in shorts for one.’  He laughs, a little hysterical, and Eddie kind of feels like he's intruding, like there's a lot more to what Steve is saying right now and Eddie is not privy to any of it. 

Eddie smiles though and shoves his hands in his pockets, pulling out his pack and a lighter, fiddling with them. Steve takes another long pull from the bottle, god that shit smells like paint remover. Eddie can almost see the hangover brewing under Steve's honey skin.

Steve’s looking at him again. Upside down, on some girls' front lawn. And then he sucker punches eddie, out of fucking nowhere. ‘Stay and stargaze with me? Whadayasay Munson?’ his smile is dopey and drunk, he's so drunk. Drunk Steve Harrington just asked him to stargaze. Eddie thinks maybe the rumours about Hawkins being cursed actually might be true. But it's Eddie who’s cursed. Cursed to be confused by pretty jocks who turn out nothing like he ever expected. 

‘Fraid not sailor, for I am Cinderella and the clock just struck midnight.’ Eddie amps up the theatrics, he's nervous. Steve Harrington can’t know how on the back foot he feels right now. Confusing, charming fucker. ‘I can also feel the old lady next door itching to call the pigs and I am not about to deal with their hairy eyeballs tonight. No sir, the summer air is too sweet for that.’ Eddie steps away from Steve, angling his back towards the street. He feels goosebumps rising, even in the heat. He wants to run.

‘You gonna be okay tho?’ Eddie can’t help it. Stupid. Steve Harrington turning his heart gooey for a second time. 

Steve sits up on his elbows and looks at Eddie, eyes suddenly frighteningly clear. ‘You’re a sweet guy Munson. Anyone ever tell you that?’ Eddie shakes his head. ‘My secret then. Eddie Muson, total sweetheart.’ he says it into the breeze and Eddie is set alight at the idea of being seen. Being more than the freak who has the goods so we tolerate him. 

‘Don’t go spreading my secrets now Harrington.’ Going for light but the tightness in his throat won’t let him, it comes out raspy. Eddis backs away to his van, parked at the end of the lawn. Steve just huffs a laugh and flops back down.

From the driver's seat Eddie takes his time lighting his cigarette and changing the tape. But his eyes are on Steve, as he gets up on shaky legs, swinging the nearly empty vodka bottle with him. He stumbles back into the huddle of bodies by the front door. Eddie lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

Steve Harrinton, full of surprises. Eddie drives home and half hopes to never see him again. Eddie doesn’t much care for surprises.  

Autumn 1986

Eddie shouldn’t be surprised, not now. Not by the Steve Harrington he went to hell with. Who dragged him back into the light. The boy with the nail bat who never seemed to stop swinging, not till Vecna was gone and the gates were locked up tight. Who’s hand still flexes like he misses the weight of the splintered wood, like he wants it back so he can protect the people he loves. Which by some divine intervention seems to include Eddie Munson of all people. 

Eddie shouldn’t be surprised, but he is. Steve Harrington is the single most confusing person Eddie has ever met. He’s obsessed with him. He’s on his way to falling for him. Head over fucking heels fucked for Steve straight boy Harrignton. Divine intervention indeed. 

Steve is waiting for him now, leaning on the hood of the beamer, picking him up after physical therapy, which is still kinda kicking his ass. What with the new colder temperatures making his bones ache and his dick nurse insisting that; no he couldn’t suck himself off before so he definitely won't be able to after, even with all the stretching he’s having to do. What fresh hell am I right? 

Steve is waiting for him, with his stupid long legs and his ugly jacket and the disgustingly fond smile he tortures eddie with because he’s already wrapped in his winter coat. Hood up against the wind because the last, last! Thing Eddie wants these days is to be cold and apparently that amuses Steve enough to look at Eddie like hes a fucking kitten or something. Horrid! 

‘Still a no?’ Eddie is scowling, he knows he is. He shakes his head and Steve's smile just grows a little wider. Fucker. 

‘Come on.’ Steve flicks his zipper and Eddie gnashes his teeth at him. He’s not even in that bad a mood. Steve looking after him sometimes just kind of makes him feel all fizzy, electric. 

It was worse before. Right after. When Steve was coming to visit him in hospital, almost more than Wayne, bringing Eddie things to read and generally being a ray of fucking sunshine compared to the staff and Eddie himself. He would sit with Eddie and Eddie wouldn’t want to talk because everything hurt. He would sit with Eddie and complain about the kids being annoying, bitch about his parents being the worst and bemoan the fact that he needed to find a new job ASAP and really didn’t want to get another shitty retail one. Wanted to find something he was really good at, maybe help people, look out for them the way he did Dustin and Robin, be something that was all him. 

And Eddie? He ate up every bitchy, snarky, earnest moment of it. Got to know Steve Harrington that was equally everything and nothing like who he had met before. But the real fucking cherry on top? Eddie talked too, just as much once he started healing. Talked to Steve with and about Wayne, his shitty Dad, how much he loves metal and Dungeons and Dragons, how all he thinks he’s ever really wants to do is tell stories that make people feel a little less alone. 

They talked and Eddie went and ruined it by letting his heart run away with itself. Fucking swan diving right off the ledge named ‘totally normal none gay feelings about Steve Harrington’ and into the pool of regret that is ‘I want to kiss him, I want to kiss him. Please God let me kiss him, it’s me again Eddie Munson.’ Pathetic. 

So sometimes, when Steve is being just lovely, picking Eddie up. Eddie’s blood boils in his veins and his scarred skin buzzes with the tension of not being able to hold Steve’s hand across the gear stick like he so desperately wants to. 

Eddie doesn't even have the energy to comment on Steve playing The Cure, making fun of him for letting Jonathan rub off on him too much lately (the four (+Argyle) of them hanging out regularly to smoke up). Instead, he internally makes fun of himself for feeling actually personally attacked by how relatable and familiar the whiny, lovesick lyrics sound. The sky opening up into a downpour just adding to the mood, pathetic fallacy up the wazoo today, apparently. 

But Steve is talking to him so of course Eddie listens, because it's Steve and Eddie is what? Pathetic. That's right. 

‘And then Dustin went on this whole spiel about how I should really be thanking him for everything he does. All the advice he gives me, that I did not, actually, fucking ask for. Can you believe the gaul of that kid Ed’s?’ and Eddie laughs at Steve because actually yes, yes he fucking can. 

‘Maybe we should go full revolt and tell Mrs. Henderson about it, really take him down a peg. She’s basically adopted you, she'd take your side for sure Stevie.’ Steve nods at the idea but he’s still scowling because getting wound up seems to be his go to reaction for most things, being vaguely annoyed is his default. Eddie is not happy to admit that this is something he also finds attractive about Steve Harrington. Did he mention he was pathetic? 

‘Well before that you talk some sense into him will you? He’s demanded I drive him over here tomorrow to hound you about something or other, don’t know what, he’s being all cagey and secretive about it. The little asshole.’ Steve is pulling into the dirt road driveway where Eddie and Wayne’s new little house sits. Just big enough next to the check and paid medical bills to make that NDA look actually very tempting to sign, yes, thank you, here was it?

Steve parks and the rain beats down on the roof, Eddie shifts to look at Steve's still grumpy face, grinning. ‘You coming in? We can brainstorm, get the little butt head to stop meddling and start respecting his elders. Or you know, we could get high.’ Steve's face morphs into that little smile again, the one he tries to hide, like he's fighting to stay grumpy. Eddie wants to bite him. 

Steve's face shifts again and what comes out of his mouth shifts Eddies very being into the fiery pits of despair. At least that’s what he would say if he was unhinged, which he is not. Not. One. Bit.    

‘Can’t man, I have a date.’ Steve waggles his eyebrows a little and Eddie feels his grin dim. The remaining smile stiffens. His face like wax. 

‘Oh. Well. I won't keep you then. Go get 'em tiger and all that jazz.’ Eddie knows it comes out weird, like he’s annoyed and upset. Which he is. But he knows he absolutely shouldn’t be. He just can't help it. Fuck!

Steve is looking at him, he looks all worried and confused. Of course he's confused, no reason for Eddie to act the way he is. Act like a freak. Eddie needs to get out of here. Save them both from the weird ass vibes his treacherous heart has caused.  

Eddie twists for the door. ‘Hold on Eddie, wait with me till the rain stops yeah? I’ll keep the heater running.’ Steve reaches out, hand on his shoulder. Eddie looks at his hand gripping the door handle and wishes. Wishes he could turn around and make a joke, say thank fuck because he doesn’t want to look like a wet rat from the rain, ask steve about the girl, maybe make fun of him if it seems like the really likes her. Anything. Wishes he could just be normal. Normal about Steve Harrington.

But he can’t. Steve has a date and Eddie’s heart hurts. 

‘I gotta go Stevie, enjoy your date.’ and Eddie steps out into the rain, jogging over to the front door, already sodden. He unlocks it and steps inside, doesn’t look back once. Leaning against the closed door he slides down into a crouch. He’s in love with him. Fuck.

Winter 1986 

‘Stevie? What the fuck?’ 

Eddie was expecting a night alone. It was the day before Christmas eve and Wayne had gone out with some work buddies. Steve was having some fancy dinner with his parents, Robin’s with her Grandma and the party had plans to all meet and celebrate here tomorrow. So, Eddie was going to sit and stare at a wall. Said wall was going to magically help him work up the courage to maybe kiss Steve’s cheek under the mistletoe that Robin had threatened him with. She knew all about his hopeless, disgusting crush on Steve and seemed to be reaching the end of her patience for Eddie’s chicken shit confession skills. 

The plan so far consisted of some amalgamation of making a big joke about it, throwing up before and after or maybe just staring at Steve until he gains the ability to read Eddie’s mind. In other words, the wall was giving him nothing apart from the urge to bang his head against it. 

The worst part of it all though? The devastating, world shattering part? Is that Eddie’s grubby little brain was starting to think that he might actually have a chance. Because Steve has been.. a little different lately. And while Robin has confirmed that he has not made any of these memories up in some kind of horny Steve Harrington fueled haze, she has also not explicitly told him whether Steve would actually be interested in dating a guy. So Eddie continues to torture himself with memories. 

Memories like when Steve got the new Wham! Record and started asking if he should try growing out his facial hair because ‘it looks really good right Ed’s? With the earring too? Think I could pull it off?’ and then blushing when Eddie said ‘He is a good looking dude… you do kinda look like George Michael, so, I guess?’ because Eddie is trying okay? Feeling the waters that are coming out to Steve. Him blushing seems like a good sign. Right? (Robin had rolled her eyes very hard at this story and Eddie had not appreciated the attitude.) 

Or at movie night last week Steve purposefully squished in next to Eddie, making Jonathan move further down. Before like, stretching and putting his arm along the sofa behind Eddie. But halfway through his arm was more, around Eddie's shoulders? And Steve was maybe, maybe twirling a strand of Eddie's hair through his fingers… 

There was also maybe the fact that Steve had started staying the night a lot more lately. He did a whole lot before too, but now it feels a little… different. He’s not just there because he’s a biblically accurate angel who helps Eddie change his bandages when Wayne has to work. Or because Eddie smoked him out too hard and he couldn’t drive home. Or even because he has to pick Robin up in the morning and her house is closer to Eddie’s now. No, now it almost feels like Steve stays the night in Eddie’s bed, with Eddie, because he wants to. 

God, Eddie wants to barf on himself for even thinking that! But Steve just, doesn’t go home. Instead he shuffles in beside Eddie, in borrowed sweats and having used the toothbrush that’s Steve’s in the bathroom. Snuggles down into Eddie’s pillows and slings a leg over both of Eddies. He’ll look all sleepy and soft and mumble out ‘night Ed’s’, like it doesn’t make Eddie want to clamber on his roof and howl at the moon. 

Eddie is busy replaying these moments in his mind like the most depressing, angsty, pining VHS tape. So, hearing the walkie Dustin had given him crackle from under his bed, well, it makes Eddie near jump out of his own skin. 

‘Shit. Shit. Hello? Um, hello? Over.’ Eddie’s hands are shaking as he fumbles with the walkie. He’s barely used it since everything ended, much preferring the telephone like, you know, most people! 

‘Hi, um, hey Eddie..’ Steve’s crackly voice could be heard through the little speaker. Eddie stands up, taking a calm down lap of his room, his heart still beating fast. ‘Stevie? What the fuck?’ 

‘Sorry, sorry, this is dumb, sorry. Sorry I’ll, I’ll just go.’ Eddie peeks through his bedroom curtain. Steve, illuminated by the dash light in the front seat of his car, is on the front drive and Eddie can see the walkie gripped tight in both hands. Steve rocking slightly. 

‘Oh Stevie.. Come in sweetheart, why are you still outside?’ Eddie’s voice is putty soft because something is wrong. All his fears have been switched for concern as he descends the stairs to the front door. Ripping it open to find Steve with his hand raised ready to knock.

‘Hi’ Steve’s smile is sheepish but Eddie can see his eyes are rimmed red like he’s had the shittiest fucking night. And now he’s embarrassed? Fuck that!  

‘Come in, come in come in. Sit down Stevie I’ll get you some tea.’ Eddie putters around the kitchen, making tea as efficiently as possible to not keep Steve waiting, but also wanting to give him time to settle. 

He was expecting Steve to be sitting on the couch, but Eddie finds him by the big bay window that looks out over the small backyard and further fields. It’s a nice view and the space is already set up with some blankets and cushions: Eddie likes to read here. Fat snowflakes have begun to fall outside. Steve has a blanket draped over his shoulders, he’s facing the window but his eyes seem to focus on something a million miles away.  

‘Here. Take this doll, it’ll keep you warm.’ Eddie hands over the steaming mug and Steve cradles it in his hands, giving Eddie a ghost of a smile. 

‘Penny for your thoughts?’ bumping shoulders with Steve he waits. Looking at Steve's profile in the soft lamplight. There are ghosts in his eyes and a tension in his shoulders that breaks Eddie’s heart. His brave friend Steve.    

‘I just.. Do you ever feel like you weren't made for the real world? Ugh this.. I dunno what I'm saying.’ Steve runs a hand over his face and looks embarrassed. Eddie wishes he could just get it, understand without words so he could help, but life doesn’t work like that. He waits, taking Steve’s hand in both of his. The corners of Steve’s mouth twitch and he looks at their joined fingers. Eddie watches as he takes a deep breath. Eddie thinks he’s beautiful. 

‘Its, it's just. When we were there, in that. When all that happened to me. Obviously it was horrible. Terrible. But, for a little moment? I liked it. I liked having a role, a job to do. I knew the stakes and I knew that the only, only important thing was keeping everyone alive. There was nothing more important than that.’ Steve is looking out of the window again. His eyes are fiery and raw. Eddie so often forgets how much Steve has seen, has been through. 

‘All my life I've been told what’s important and what to care about. Which ended up being a lot of not caring or only caring about really really unimportant stuff. And I just can't do that again. I can't be what my parents want. My fucking, my Dad man, it’s never enough, watever I do. He made that fucking clear tonight.’ He grimaces and Eddie hopes he never meets Harrington senior because he’s getting decked and Eddie thinks he’s finally on Hopper’s good side so maybe that’s not the best idea. Although, he thinks he can make a pretty good case for himself.  

‘I don’t think I can be what anyone wants. Guess I just dunno who I really am. Never have never will… But for a second in that hell, I was somebody. Maybe somebody. And now it's out here again and everyone has all these dreams. And I'm so so happy for them because you all can do anything. Every one of those kids has such a bright future. But I dunno how to do it, Ed’s. I hate it. I dunno how to live as just Steve anymore.’ Steve’s eyes have filled with tears and the hand Eddie’s holding trembles slightly. Eddie lays a soft kiss on his palm. 

‘Steve Harrington you are so good.’ Eddie steels himself to look directly in Steve's eyes, making sure he understands. ‘You are free. You are free and that means you can do anything you want. Anything. Doesn’t matter how long you take to figure yourself out, or work out what it is you need. There are no rules okay? None, and anyone who tells you differently is lying. Especially if it’s your cunt dad, okay?’ Steve's pretty pink lips part and his cheeks are rosy, he really looks like he's going to cry. He also looks like that brave boy who swung a bat at the devil. He’s miraculous. 

‘The ‘real world’ doesn’t exist and most of the expectations people have are bullshit. I should know, I don’t think I’ve ever done one thing that was expected of me in my whole life, honey. Guess you’re just a freak like me.’ Eddie grins with all his teeth. Steve's mouth opens and closes a couple times, eyes wide. Before he’s looking down at his lap and smiling, a few tears spilling out and dropping onto his jeans. ‘Your role is to be you Steve. Nothing more, nothing less. People love you for you, not for what you did, even though it was fucking incredible. They’re alive because of you but they love you for being you.’ Eddie takes a deep breath and swallows the ‘I love you’ on his tongue, not tonight.. But soon, he’ll do it soon. Pinky promise. 

Steve has let more tears fall and he’s looking at Eddie like he's special. ‘Okay?’ Eddie squeezes their hands and Steve nods. ‘Yeah, yeah I’m. It’ll be. I’ll be okay.’ But Steve’s face crumples up again with a small choked sob. He sets down the mug heavily on the floor and covers his eyes with his forearm, folding in on himself. Succumbing to it all for  a moment. Letting himself cry.

‘Oh Steve. Tell me what you need, baby.’ Eddie holds their joined hands tighter and tries to suck up all of Steve's sadness through the skin of his palm. Steve sniffs all snotty and rubs at his eyes with his sleeve. Before, finally, looking at Eddie with his pretty brown eyes and his dumb hair and his moles. Eddie’s heart feels loud but Steve's tear stained face looks more calm than he’s seen for a long time. His brave, beautiful, miraculous friend Steve. 

“Let's just stay here, watch the snow a little longer." Steve says it softly, the moment feels like glass. The two of them in a snowglobe, safe on a shelf. Together. 

‘Of course Stevie. As long as you want. I’ll stay.’ Eddie means it, in his bones, he wants nothing more than to stay in this moment a little longer. Steve asks Eddie to stay and Eddie knows now that he never, ever wants to leave again. 

— 

Morning light filters through the blinds and Eddie shifts, consciousness swimming in that slow way only deep deep sleep can bring. He feels breath on his neck, the weight of an arm over his chest, a hand on his heart, socked feet tangled amongst his bare ones. 

He had taken Steve’s hand last night, after they’d watched the snow leave a blanket over the view from the window. After Steve's tears had dried and his eyelids had begun to droop. He’d lead Steve upstairs and they laid down together, wrapped in eachothers arms. Steve had fallen asleep first and Eddie let himself have a secret selfish moment where he stared down at the boy in his arms. Thought about how much had changed, but how, actually, the Steve in his bed had always been the Steve he knew, he just wasn't ready to see it yet. 

Eddie is looking at him now, there's sleep crusted in his eyes and drool on the pillow and Steve's hair is sticking up in an alarming number of angles. He’s so ugly and soft in the mornings. It makes Eddie feel good. Happy. 

They laze in bed, waking up slow and taking their time before starting the day. Eddie is on his back staring at the ceiling and Steve is leaning up on one elbow so he’s looking down at Eddie. He's staring. Eddie is trying to be very cool and calm about it. Very cool. Very calm. That's right!

‘Oh shoot.’ Steve snaps his fingers ‘I um, forgot your present at home, kinda left in a rush. Sorry.’ He looks genuinely sorry. Eddie doesn’t really care, because just having Steve here is gift enough. Yup, that's how Eddie Munson feels. It’s gross, he knows. 

‘Guess I’ll have to end it all then’ Eddie says with a casual shrug. Steve snorts and shoves him like he doesn’t find Eddie's dramatic’s hilarious. 

‘I do have something I can give you now though. A gift of sorts.’ Steve taps a finger to his chin and looks so mischievous. The light from outside hits the back of his hair so it glows, like a halo. Eddie wants to kiss him so bad. Kiss the angel boy in his bed. Shit.

‘It better not be a wet willy. Toby Hamelton gave me one once in the fifth grade and I literally punched him in the face on reflex Steve it was so fucking gross.’ Eddie knows he’s rambling but it’s the only way he won’t kiss Steve right now. Right on his pretty pretty pretty face. 

Steve smiles at him so softly, so sweetly, like Eddie isn’t being super weird right now. Smiles at Eddie and leans in, ghosts his mouth so so close over Eddie’s, looks into his eyes. Eddie’s breath hitches and he can’t move but he swears he feels his pupils dilate. 

Steve must see it too, because he closes the gap. Eddie’s eyes slide shut and his hands and feet tingle, there are fireworks going off in his ears and his lips fizz and he’s overwhelmed in the best possible way. 

He’s kissing Steve Harrington. Eddie Munson is kissing Steve Harrington. Steve Harrington is kissing Eddie Munson. 

Eddie pulls out of the kiss with a tiny gasp ‘You didn’t suddenly gain the ability to read my mind did you?’ Steve looks so perplexed, eyebrows furrowed and lips in a little ‘o’, staring at Eddie’s mouth. He gives a small shake of his head. ‘Okay good, good yeah. Good.’ 

Eddie goes back in, lifting a hand to Steve’s jaw, holding him softly while he sucks on his bottom lip. Steve is good at kissing, Eddie thinks he could write a whole album about this kiss alone. Maybe he will. He feels like he can do anything! Maybe he’ll kill God later, after breakfast. Why not? Ha! 

They break apart for breath and Steve's pupils are blown wide, Eddie wants to drown in them. He feels giddy, maybe a little hysterical. ‘You know, before you came over yesterday I was working up the courage to kiss your cheek under the mistletoe.. Which seems super lame and embarrassing now that I think about it. Forget I said anything actually. Yeah, uhm so... Anyway, thank you. For. For the gift.’ Steve is loosing romance points for every stupid word he lets Eddies say. 

‘That is pretty lame dude’ Steve smiles sweetly and Eddie knows it's lame and Steve is probably joking but he doesn't need to to be told that right now. Nasty boy… Also.

‘Dude? You sully this rapturous moment, nay my very existence! By calling me dude?’ Is that normal? Do people do that after they kiss? Surely Steve doesn't call girls he kisses dude. Oh no, Eddie’s spiralling. This is a spiral.

‘Eddie’ Steve tries but Eddie’s brain is filled with static. Eyes boring holes in the ceiling, hands flailing. 

‘Steve Harrington kisses Eddie Munson and calls him dude, well I never!’ The gaul! The gumption! The audacity! 

‘Eddie!’ Steve places his hand on Eddie’s cheek, turning it so they're looking into eachothers eyes. 

‘Yes?’ Steve is so pretty and his palm is so warm.

‘I really really like you Ed’s’ and Steve must be able to read Eddie's mind because those words are like a balm on his soul. He feels his cheeks dust pink, all the fears and embarrassment float. Steve likes him back.

Leaning back onto his elbow Steve looks back down at Eddie on his back. The same as before but so so different. ‘Happy Christmas Eddie’ Steve's smile is dopey and perfect and this is the best Christmas ever.