#sorry sometimes i just get overwhelmed with love for this show and its characters and have to gush!

[julietford-kateshephard]

Shannon Rutherford is among the very last Lost characters I expected to relate to. She's a beautiful, 'in crowd' Mean Girl. I'm a somewhat below average looking, awkward nerd. She's a talented dancer. If I can make it across the street without tripping over my own feet at least two or three times, I consider it a victory. Her abandonment issues lead her to latch on to men even/especially when they're clearly the wrong guys. I'm more of a loner who doesn't end up getting into relationships even when I DO really like the person in question and think he's a good man, let alone when I don't.

But one of Lost's most beautiful surprises is in uncovering the commonalities we all share despite our differences. Because the way Shannon feels useless and incompetent and covers it up with "fuck this task anyway, fuck you and fuck myself" snark? I get that with every fiber of my being. Her fear that no guy who gets to know her past a certain level will still want to be with her? Yup---same. The way she grieves Bonne by holding on to all his stuff after he's died even though it's very impractical to do so? I've done the EXACT same thing. The way she ends up getting very emotional and frequently cries in front of people even when she really doesn't want to? Welcome to my world! And the way she falls quickly in love with Sayid, convinced he's the most noble, gentlemanly, heroic, kind, deep, intelligent, brave, insightful, loyal, protective and conveniently hot man she's ever known despite his flaws? Needless to say, I'm right there with her :)

More rambling about Shannon and Shannon/Sayid in the tags for anyone kind and patient enough to keep reading my rambling!

[secriden]

It's the way "I just think there's no one out there who wants the best for you more than I do" is true because it INCLUDES FADEL HIMSELF. Fadel is so steeped in his anger and hurt and fear right now that he can't even see how loving and being loved by Style is the door to true freedom.

But he's also nowhere near ready to handle that, emotionally, so Style will give him this honesty and then demand nothing from him and move right on to nipple play (familiar, and therefore comfortable, territory - because at least Fadel has a rulebook to follow in this situation). This reminds me of that time when Fadel told Style about his parents' murder and then Style said "I'm sorry" and then abruptly changed the subject. He senses when Fadel isn't ready to actually face the issue, so he'll give Fadel the space to process what's going on - be it his own shocking ability to be vulnerable to Style or the truth of Style's earnest love for him - in his own time.

Just. The selflessness in that. It would be so much easier for Style to push right now -- to force Fadel into the discussion about how Style actually was very much a victim of the combined circumstances of Kant and Bison and Fadel's past. Lest we forget: Style is the ONLY ONE not embroiled (as far as we know as of ep 8) directly with any of the criminal aspect of this universe. He was just a relatively innocent bystander who got into an accident because he was texting while driving, flirted a little bit aggressively because he found Fadel hot, and then got dragged into a game of lies and deception and power without having a clue about what he was getting into until his own heart was irrevocably compromised. (Like no, I'm never letting my Style apologist post go.)

But none of that matters to Style; the weight of Style's care, the way it's informed and threaded through with his own experience with grief and mourning, makes him infinitely more concerned with giving Fadel room to be angry, to be harsh, hell to even hurt him with his dismissal of Style's sorrow and fear. Style understands what it means to need space to grieve and hurt and he is literally making that space for Fadel.

And this is so important because Fadel is so very repressed. Like you know this is a man who hasn't actually emotionally processed a thing since his parents' murder. And who can blame him? He was a just a child. And then he was taken in by a woman who gave him the training and the tools to ensure that he would never be physically vulnerable again but also taught him to completely close his heart to love and trust. I don't believe for a second that Lilly cared one bit about Fadel's (or Bison's, for that matter) emotional wellbeing.

This is why Style is so perfectly suited for Fadel. He may not have the same experiences or lived a life as volatile and violent as Fadel, but the things he has experienced makes him uniquely suited to treasure and mend Fadel's fragile heart.

Fadel needs to allow himself to let go sometimes, to have some fun for once, to face and accept the reality of his own emotions. They both have to learn how to love and be loved, and its fascinating how ideally suited they are to teach each other these things. -- I wrote this on my thoughts on Style after episode 1 - and by god is this show paying it off!!!

I just. I'm so grateful to this show for giving us this. I know it's not prefect, there are things I wish the show had lingered on or left out, but by GOD there are some absolute diamonds in this story that render me overwhelmed with love for these characters.

[mapleaves]

25 Days of Agere Moodboards Day 6: A character you headcanon as a regressor 

to everyones shock and dismay Rabbit appears in my posts again <3 im obsessed with him sorry. headcanons below the cut

one two three / four five six / seven eight nine

💭 please dni if nsfw (including ddlg/abdl/etc.)

Headcanons:

I actually think Rabbit both regresses and is a cg!!

Very fussy during regression, but not in the sense that he wants to be babied as much as he wants things kept how he left them when he was big. He's very particular about his home, and he will NOT abide by any messes just because he's small!!

If he had a tv he'd be one of those toddlers who screams at the tv like NOOO ELMO THE HAT DOES NOT GO ON YOUR FOOT!!!!

But on that note, he can be very very silly. It's a lot like when he's big - he'll pout and glare about it at first but with the right tricks you can have him giggling and happy

When he starts to have fun, he gets REALLY into it. Think of that episode in New Adventures where he dresses up as a wizard - if he gets too wrapped up in a game he has to be redirected eventually or he'll never get any rest (and neither will his cgs)

Loves picking flowers with his cg and bringing a plushie out to his garden to show off his plants - as long as they bring a blanket so nothing gets dirty 🙃

Gets worked up really easily, especially if he thinks he's made a mistake and starts beating himself up, or if he's especially overwhelmed

Sometimes he just seems especially anxious or grumpy, but you can usually tell he's getting small when he starts stumbling over his words really badly, going quiet, fidgeting a lot, gnawing on his thumb or getting clingy, etc

World's #1 napping fan

Sometimes tries to force himself to be big when he really needs to regress - he has to be reminded its okay to be small because he puts to much pressure on himself to keep things in order

He won't usually initiate physical contact, but if he's upset a blanket, a warm drink, and some quiet cuddling can help calm him down

Main cg is Tigger, and sometimes they end up regressing together, though Rabbit is more in the toddler-young kid range whereas Tigger is more of a big brother type

[aliregression]

Could you do a fic of where chirs slips in front of his brother's during a stream and they like.. laugh at him?? But then after words he goes to his room and your there and your comfort him

Stream Slips

Ship: Little!Chris X Y/n

Summary: Chris gets overwhelmed on stream and slips and Matt and Nick laughs at his “babyish” behavior

Warning: Mean!Matt and Mean!Nick, Nick hates chris stuttering?? (idk if thats a warning)

A/N: This is fan FICTION not fan truth- this is a fictional work.

🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

Usally Matt and Nick understands Chris regression and often helps him whenever your not around. They love babysitting him! They were a little confused at first but then they got used to it and understood it helped Chris a lot.

Well, most of the times they understand.

Sometimes Chris regresses at the worst times. During filming, streams, meetings, ect. During those times Matt and Nick are mean to him and often say things like “grow up” and “stop acting childish.” Chris couldn’t help it! He gets stressed out easily and it just happens.

Which leads them to this moment, Chris had a stressful week with meets and filming and he has stayed big throughout the week even when he was so close to headspace. Which is why he is on edge now.

Matt suggested that they do a twitch stream for a few hours and play fortnight. Which Chris usually doesn’t mind. He loves fortnight and his fans! So its the best thing about his job!

They have been on stream for at least two ours and he was so tired already and just wanted to regress. The chat was going to fast, making his head hurt. The yelling and screaming caused him little by little to slip. Usually when he is in situations like this he is quite not wanting to sound “babyish.”

“Chris did you hear what we said? We are going to keep playing until we win.” Nick said and Chris nodded his head to show he was listening. “Can you speak up? Gosh the one time this kid wants to be fucking quite” Matt said in a snarky voice.

“Y-ywah tats fwne” Chris said trying his best (but failing) to sound “grown up.” He was looking at the chat and seeing that some people were commenting on it. “Kid speak like your a fucking adult. Your not a child.” Matt said and laughed at him.

“S-sorry” Chris said letting out some stuttering. “And quit the stuttering you werido” Nick said and just like that they moved on. Well not Chris, he sat their quietly playing this round and then telling them he call quits because you where here and wants to spend time with you. Which is true, just they didn’t need to know that he was in little space.

After the round quickly ended, thank god they won, Chris told the chat and his brothers that he calls it a night. To which they called him lamed but let him go regardless. Chris quickly hops off and runs (speed walk he knows the rules about running up/down stairs.) and to the living room where you where.

You usually are over at their house 24/7, which the boys don’t mind its nice to have someone that actually knows how to cook. You decided to stay in the living room giving Chris some space to stream alone. Which all Chris wants rn is you.

“Hey honey, wants up? I thought you wouldn’t be done for another few hours” You said wondering why Chris was with you early, which you didn’t mind at all.

“Mwatt awnd Nick meanies” Chris goes and lays down next to you. You moved to spoon him. “Oh honey, im here for you. Do you want to go to your room and cuddle?” You asked him and he nods.

Luckily for you Chris is easy to carry so you pick him up and take him to his room. You lay him down on his bed and then shut the door and goes and cuddles him.

You and Chris cuddle on his bed while you are playing his hair. You put on bluey for him since he loves it. As he is watching it he talks about the episode and his favorite characters just being energetic.

Anytime with you makes Chris day way better, even if its just cuddling.

🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

If this was bad im sorry its not proofread 😭

[tsamsheadcanons]

So, y’all lemme pretend that everything is just whole fluff in this show for the sake of my sanity LIKE Y’ALL LEMME DREAM 😭 Like huh, KC, Bloodmoon and practically half of the characters died/have died once, what do you mean that everyone ain’t a happy little autistic family? YOU WERE TRAPPED IN A DIFFERENT TIMELINE, WAKE UP 🙄

SOOO WITH THAT LET’S GET STARTED! :D

Because Solar is still getting used to officially being a father for Jack, he sometimes gets REALLY overwhelmed by just the thought. Like, him taking care of another living being with its own needs that he needs to attend to 24/7? He LOVES Jack, don’t get me wrong – But he is TERRIFIED of failing this really important thing and failing to fill this role. It feels like an overwhelming responsibility that looms large over him because he feels SO ill-equipped to handle that – And that’s why he more and more doubts his parenthood because everything feels like too much for him to carry. And because KC is like the wise old dad/grandfather I DUNNO, he sometimes gives him tips about parenting and stuff and tells him it’s okay to sometimes doubt oneself, but you have to try your best! Sometimes, if Solar is just too tired and needs a nap, KC takes care of Jack and makes him a ‘marshwich’ – A marshmallow sandwich that has grilled marshmallows between two chocolate chip cookies! :D Jack and also Dazzle LOVE them! :D

Bloodmoon and Lunar ALWAYS used to watch Bluey and other kids’ shows together while the others were busy with work, with Bloodmoon often making fun of them and Lunar laughing alongside him! However, mentally, they’ve grown up a bit and still watch these shows sometimes, but not really often. And now, Dazzle and Jack ALWAYS watch these shows that they used to watch – And it feels like this bit of their ‘childhood’ or how you can call it passed down to them. It’s nostalgic to see them shake with laughter just like they used to – Two ‘kids’ laying on the floor, looking at the TV and watching their favorite cartoons together :3

Eclipse and Sun sometimes smoke together on the balcony, usually after a very emotionally heavy day. There are many different reasons as to why it was a draining day for them – For Sun, maybe it was because he had another panic attack again due to flashbacks of his past, or for Eclipse because he relapsed and had this utter self-hatred nearly strangling him again. But it is like a special moment when both do the same for different reasons – It just feels like connecting a bit. Not many words are exchanged, they just smoke in silence with the embers of cigarettes acting like small stars that they had pulled down from the mass of others shining above. [DAMN I’M SHAKESPEAR >:D]

OKAY LIGHT-HEARTED HEADCANON! >:D Moon and Solar write a My Little Pony fanfiction together (with OCs included of course, one of Jack that Solar added into the story and Sun added a OC of Dazzle :3) and every Sunday, they present it in front of the family like some PowerPoint presentation XD The family sometimes give them ideas on how to continue the story or flesh out the characters and are involved in making the project truly what it is! Both are EXTREMELY awkward about it at first – But then they’re the unstoppable autistic duo rambling about their shared hyper fixation a second later :3 It’s their shared project that they work on instead of actually doing the work that they have to do but procrastinate until the last day, relatable, I know 😌✋

I'M SORRY THAT THEY'RE SO LONG- 😭🙏

But no worries, I WILL RETURN WITH MORE! >:D But I will procrastinate that of course ✨😋

I love AUs where everyone is a big happy family

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

hiiii hiiii!!! was curious :3 how's it gooinnnng?? uh, feeling booooooorooooooored got any fun headcanons you have floating around the space station?? :3

It's going well enough, Anon! I finally got around to this! Sorry it took me so long, I've been having a hard time doing things. But never mind that! Here's a mixed bag of headcanons!

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Medic can make a killer hot chocolate. The only issue being, he will NOT elaborate on why he's so happy and eager to make you one.. He'll hand you the most beautifully decorated hot chocolate, but he stares at you with the most terrifying smile, staring through your soul. You should drink it, though, what's the worst that can happen.

————————————————————

Speaking of Medic. This man would be a menace at Diner Dash. I can not explain. He'd just be so good at it. Put him in endless mode, and he'd play it for hours, you could not get him to put it down.

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Speaking of video games, Scout is insane at Mario Kart. He will kill you on Rainbow Road, you will not win against him, he's a maniac. He mains Peach. Also, funny enough, even though he has so many siblings, none of them would play Mario Kart with him. He may have teared up because Pyro asked to play with him.

————————————————————

You know what, I'll just drop everyone's Mario Kart mains and their second option with no explanations!

Demo would main Yoshi, Dry Bones being his second

Engie would pick Daisy, dying on this kill. Um, as a second pick I get Lakitu vibes.

Heavy would choose Bowser, Luigi being his second

Medic switches between the princesses, but mainly Rosalina, King Boo being his second.

Scout is a Peach main ONLY, if he is alone! (One time, he messed up and picked Peach before anyone else could and was very embarrassed.) If he's playing with others, he picks Mario, Larry being his second.

Sniper doesn't care. He'd probably let someone else pick for him. He normally gets a princess character, but he doesn't mind.

Spy is always picking rose gold Peach, regardless of Scout's mocking. He doesn't need a second pick because he'll get pissy about it.

Soldier doesn't have a set main, but I feel like he'd pick any of Bowser's kids.

Pyro is a Shy Guy main, and I am so normal about it, Bowser Jr. Is its second pick.

None of them really fight over mains though, the all normally get the character they want.

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Totally away from all of that. I think Spy listens to classical music, and Scout also likes classical music so one time, Scout heard it from Spy's room and just came in, starting to make fun of him, but ended up just... sitting with Spy. I think a lot of their bonding is nonverbal.

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Hey, I'm doing another speaking of bit, Spy has a habit of showing up at the exact moment someone needs something, with the item. Medic needs a coffee? Oh well, Spy just happened to be there with one. Scout's looking for something? Spy just found it! How strange. He always acts like its such an inconvenience, this is the only way he can show love.

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Scout, Sniper, Medic, and Soldier all have sensory and texture issues.

Scout will gag at the thought of eating puddings and jellos and can't stand flashing lights. Sniper hates bright lights and hates the texture of anything slimy. Medic is overwhelmed by noises in crowds and can't stand sticky foods. Soldier has issues with fabrics and tags and can't stand soft/smooth.

————————————————————

Back to Spy again, I think he really likes the smell of lilacs and vanilla, I don't know why.

————————————————————

Scout once ran out of Bonk, Medic offered him a tea. Medic and Scout drink tea together when one of them has a bad day.

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Engie collects rocks. He's just always been a fan. Sometimes, he'll sit outside the base, looking at the ground just searching for pretty rocks. He's given some to Pyro before, and now Pyro goes and sits with him sometimes.

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Sniper's happiest moments in life are genuinely sitting in a dark room, not talking, just sitting with someone he cares about. He finds the presence of someone more comforting than words.

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You know those gimmick blogs that can identify something from one picture? Heavy can tell you exactly what book any quote is from.

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Pyro, Demo, and Soldier collect fireflies together sometimes.

Anyways! That's all I have for now. Sorry, they aren't anything major or great. But writing them made me smile, so thank you for that, anon!

I'm hoping I'm finally back to writing because this reminded me how fun it is.

[mlm-mod-taka]

I will order again! Sorry if it's overwhelming you or something, I really like your writing and you can write at your own pace ^-^

Can I request makoto (once again because I love him), shuichi and hajime (separate ofc) with a man who represses his feelings and can't vent because he was taught that "boys don't cry" since childhood and was pressured by society?

It can be a sensitive subject, you don't need to write if you don't feel comfortable! I'm waiting :)

REPRESSED READER • makoto, hajime & shuichi x male reader

ah, hello! i remember alot of people requesting these three specifically back during the peak of my account. i hope i can still do them justice! though i will admit, i never finished v3 and barely remember it now... so i apologize if shuichi is a little out of character. thats all, i do hope this was worth the wait!

tws/cws: repressed feelings & mentions of societal pressures towards men.

|| -> mod taka <3

makoto has always craved closeness with you. you're his boyfriend, his lover, and he wants to get to know you better, but he knows better than to pressure people who aren't ready yet. so, he waits for you while giving gentle encouragement.

he encourages you by using himself as an example. sharing little things about himself when you two are sleepily cuddling, mumbling things that made him cry when he was younger to you, anything that might reassure you that its okay to be honest about your feelings, that its okay to cry.

theres nothing he won't do to make you feel more comfortable around him. when he loves someone, he'd do anything for them. if he notices even a slight signal of discomfort from you about something, he'll immediately lead you away from it. if he picks up on a subtle mannerism you do whenever you get upset, he'll remember it for the rest of his life.

tries to subtly point out how his classmates show their masculinity in different ways, but are still comfortable being upset or sharing negative emotions around others. he's not as subtle as he thinks he is, with him mentioning takas crying and hiros natural cowardly nature whenever you look down, but you appreciate the thought.

he understands that the problem is bigger than himself, and societal pressures combined with bad teachings made you this way, but the least he can do is to try to make you feel as unjudged as possible so that maybe, you can start healing.

whenever you're sad, he will always present himself as an option for comfort. "i understand if you want to be alone right now, but... if you ever wanna talk to someone, i'm always here for you." if you don't come to him, that's okay, you just need more time. and if you do, he'll treat you like the most precious thing in the world, and will cling to every word you say.

will never rush things. maybe he'll nudge you in the right direction often, but if you're not ready, he'll never force you. is willing to wait for you to open up on your own terms, no matter how long it takes. while he waits, he busies himself by making sure he can be your safe space.

is much more forward with trying to help you. not to the point where its forceful or uncomfortable, but its something that he wants to help you with, and he makes sure you know that.

"you know... men can cry, men can scream their feelings out, and sometimes they do both at the same time. they're still men at the end of the day, even after they do all that." will say things like that to you every once in awhile when you two are alone and if you're having a bad day. being direct and undeniable, while still remaining careful and loving is his main approach.

as caring as he is, he's also quite salty, and holds a bit of a grudge towards the people and system that forced you to lock your feelings in a safe. he has quiet criticisms of the way people perceive men expressing their feelings before, but meeting and loving someone who is an embodiment of the problems these treatments can cause makes him feel even stronger about the issue.

will be defensive if anyone ever tells you to "man up" or to "be a man", even if its just a lighthearted statement. "hey, don't say that to people. what do you know about what men should and shouldn't be able to do?" he'll confront them with a frown on his face.

is very cautious about letting mahiru around you. as much as he enjoys her company and sees her as a friend, her views would definitely hammer your bad habits into you more, so he tries his best to watch over any interactions you have with her.

if you're okay with the idea of it, he'd initiate a weekly movie night where you two watch a bunch of sad movies. it almost always ends in him tearing up and voicing all his sadness about the film to you in hopes that maybe one day, you'll reciprocate and do the same with him.

his approach is more direct, protective, and defensive than how makoto would go about it, but he just wants you to feel unchained around him. he wants you to open up without any fear of getting made fun of, he wants to love you for all you are, ugly emotions and all.

from my observations, he's the most emotional out of these three. that may be a bad thing to other people, but because of this, he'd be the one you can relate to the most in the group.

he could relate to how you feel. while he definitely didn't have it as hard as you, he understands what its like to feel like you had to act a certain way just to be considered a man. he remembers all the times he got made fun of for his fear of exposing the truth as a detective.

others could be so cruel to emotional people, and especially cruel to emotional men. he talks about his personal experiences every once in awhile, a sad smile on his face as he recalls others poking fun at him not initiating eye contact.

however, what comes with the territory of being made fun of for something you know is a part of you, is knowing you're not in the wrong for feeling emotions. he'll reassure you with his own experiences, mainly telling you he'd never make fun of you for crying or showing "cowardly" emotions, because he does those things too.

being emotional or shedding tears is not a weakness to him, its what makes humans human. he wished someone taught you that when you were younger, instead of teaching you horrible, toxic mindsets that would do nothing except stunt yourself.

isn't as active as makoto or protective as hajime, but he's definitely the most patient and understanding. he won't push you into things you're not ready for, but will always be your cheerleader if you do decide you're ready.

is very watchful over you. he juggles with trying to not interfere with the pace of your healing and discovery, while also trying to make sure you don't dig yourself deeper into the hole you're already in.

whenever you might dig yourself deeper, he's always there to be your life line and pull you away from that. he may not want to you to feel rushed, but he also certainly does not want want you to feel slowed down in terms of progress. with a lot of concerned dissuading and serious late night conversations, he always manages to pull you back into the safety of his arms.

he would wait until the end of time for you. no matter how many times he has to talk you out of returning to old habits, and no matter how many times he has to hold back the urge to insert himself into your healing process, he'll always be waiting for you with open arms and a warm, understanding smile.

[absolutebl]

Hey Abl, trust you are well. So I took a month off bl to deal with life stuff and upon my return there's a lot of new shows and I'm feeling overwhelmed and need to prioritize. What should I start with that started airing in late October/November? Spanx!

BL Quick Picks - End of 2023 Releases

That finished its run? Sorry I don't keep that close track of things ending but stuff I loved that ended relatively recently as follows. (I'm giving you a range of styles to suit your mood.)

Felling light and fluffy?

Jun & Jun

(Korea Viki)

A delightful office romance about an ex-idol who joins cubical life only to find his new boss is his first love. Others boys are sniffing around too. Operative word being "sniffing" as much of this romance involves smell. With a snappy (sometimes even raunchy) script, enjoyable sides, a pretty as peaches cast, and descent chemistry this show made up for in style what it lacked in substance. I like fluff. I loved this. I smiled every moment I was watching. With tons of rewatch potential (especially the last few eps), my only caution is this is for fans of the BL genre only, I don’t think it’ll work for anyone else. 9/10

Feeling complex and drama llama?

I Feel You Linger in the Air

(Thailand grey, YT for some)

I truly loved this time travel romance. IFYLITA is an exquisite BL, from filming techniques to narrative framework (much like Until We Meet Again). Steeped in history and family drama it edges into lakorn (but no as much as To Sir With Love and with way less scenery chewing). This is an elegant and classy BL… from Thailand which normally doesn't even try for classy. The main couple (both as a pair and individuals) were excellent, particularly Bright (Yai) whose eye-work acting style is a personal favorite of mine. Pity about the ending. Oh it wasn’t that sad but it wasn’t good either. This show should easily have earned a 10 from me except that it fumbled the… erm… balls. Argh. Whatever. 9/10

Feeling odd and chaotic?

Why R U?

(Korea iQIYI)

Korea decided to remake, of all possible Thai BLs, Why RU? And that is exactly what we got: a short form, clean & pretty, slightly confusing, uneven chemistry, all the same tropes KBL that kind of cliff-noted the original but with none of the heat or complex relationship dynamics. I just … what world is this? Because it is BOTH bizarro land, and EXACTLY what I expected. How do I rate it? In the end I have to go back to simple questions: did I like it, would I rewatch it, and would I recommend it? Yes. Probably. And probably not. What the actual hell? 8/10

Feeling dark and complex?

Tokyo in April is AKA Shigatsu no Tokyo wa

(Japan Viki)

Two young men with a shared tragic past reunite and fall in love all over again, but the past will not stop hunting them. Based on a manga, this office set reunion romance is GREAT… damn it. It’s Japan in full on soft focus which means it gets emo, abusive, and chewy. These two characters are giving parts of their souls away in a desperate attempt to shape themselves to the expectations they have of each other. Japan gave us the Bed Friends that Thailand could never even imagine. But here’s the thing: I don’t enjoy my BL this heavy and cutting. I know that for The 8th Sense crowd this is peak BL and I can’t argue with the fact that the romantic devotion, domesticity, script, and acting IS all on point. It’s just not my personal preference for that point to be so damn sharp. I appreciate that this being 2023 I have the luxury of consistent quality (especially from Japan) and thus the ability to say… I acknowledge that this SHOULD get a 9/10 but I can’t emotionally go higher than 8/10

Feeling sappy and in need of comfort?

Stay By My Side

(Taiwan Viki)

This show was an interesting take on the "ghost boyfriend" trope. About a boy who is tormented by hearing the dead, except when he is around one other boy - desperation+proximity = love. Unfortunately, the story was erratic and waffled about. While the leads turned in solid performances and the sappy domesticity was off the charts, it never really had the strength of the narrative convictions such a strong concept should have supplied. Highly rewatchable and enjoyable for that sappy domesticity but not a whole lot more. Still I always give extra credit for the diabetes-inducing sugar content and rewatch capacity. 8/10 

Feeling sexy?

My Personal Weatherman AKA Taikan Yoho

(Japan Gaga)

I liked it a lot and it's classic yaoi of the kind that really only works from Japan. Basically: boys who fell in love in college end up living together but both are so repressed they actually don't realize they're in love. It's higher heat from Japan and well done, but it leaned into the "why don't they just talk for fuck's sake?" trope which is only exacerbated into undiluted frustration by the fact that they're already fucking. It's good, but watching requires more patience than usual, even from Japan. 8/10

Feeling sweet and earnest?

Sing My Crush

(Korea iQIYI)

This a cute coming of age drama around music and 2 kinds of self acceptance and actualization journeys. This was basically Korea’s version of About Youth, and was perhaps a bit too soft and ungrounded by comparison, like a marshmallow sculpture. Sweet but somewhat lacking in discernible flavor. 8/10

If you want to know what I'm enjoying that's airing right now, I'm mot yet caught up this week but I have time today so the weekly ranking will drop in a few hours. But I can tell you with confidence that very little is likely to unseat...

My Dear Gangster Oppa (Thailand iQiyi)

from my affections right now. I love it unconditionally and it's airing on iQIYI.

[multi-fandomedfreak]

Face Painting Party // Sanders Sides

Author's note: IM SO SORRY I DELETED THE ORIGINAL REQUEST IM GONNA TRY MY BEST TO DO IT FROM MEMORY SO SORRY IF I GET THINGS WRONG. Also sorry this took way too long, school has been taking up so much of my time 😭

Characters: All the sides but this is a Virgil x reader type thing

⚠️ Warnings ⚠️: Remus being Remus, insinuations of blood, mentions of genitalia

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

The Sides could only be described in one word: Chaotic.

No matter what it is that they are doing together it somehow always turns into chaos. It's a miracle if there could go a day without hearing some kind of commotion going on around the house.

Which is - kind of -why you don’t like to hang out all together often. Sometimes you prefer your solitude. It may sound lonely but it really wasn’t since you always had Virgil with you. Which yes does contradict but honestly, you just accepted the fact that you and Virgil are alone together. It somehow made sense.

He gets a bit overwhelmed in a large group from time to time and it gives you both the perfect excuse to get out of there to spend time together. Spending time with Virgil was so much more calming than any other Side. Sure you loved the others but Virgil was something…special.

Anyway, of course, you both loved the Sides too much (although Virgil has a hard time admitting it) to skip out of every group event. Plus they all have their unique but very effective ways to force you to go if you said no. (Affectionately)

And this was one of those times.

You were curled up on the couch rewatching a show from a while ago but couldn’t even get past half of the first episode when Pattons cheeky smile made its way into your view. An amused chuckle escaped you and you paused the TV, showing Patton he had your full attention.

“Sooo…yknow..hoowww…my birthday..is coming up?” Patton drawled this out with his hands clasped behind his back, swaying back and forth on the balls of his feet. “Aaand how you're one of my best friends?” He tilted his head innocently when saying this.

This made you raise a knowing eyebrow at him since he only talked this way when he was trying to convince you to do something. Most likely something you didn’t wanna do. Which made you sigh but you kept a small smile for his sake.

“What is it, Patton?” You asked simply and found it amusing with how quickly he stopped beating around the bush.

“Wanna come to my face painting birthday party?”

His smile turned into a small huff the instant he saw the look on your face, knowing that you didn't want to attend.

"Pleaseeeee??"

“Well, you know how I feel about being that touchy with people, Patton. And I…”

That’s when Patton pulled out his not so secret weapon; the puppy dog eyes.

“…”

So obviously you went. But the moment you walk into the messy face-painting fiasco, you almost immediately regret it.

Paint is splattered all over the walls, Logan is pretending to not enjoy having his face painted by Patton, Remus is holding down Janus so he can paint on him with what you were hoping was red paint, and Virgil is (surprisingly) letting Roman paint on the back of his hand.

Relaxing at the fact that Virgil was here, you walked over to where Virgil was sitting on the floor. Roman had gone to do something else by the time you were walking over and Virgil's eyes flickered over to you. When they brightened at the realization you were there, butterflies made their way into your stomach and you smiled at the familiar sensation.

It never failed to amaze you how he managed to make you feel so secure but also so nervous.

You were still overcome with the onslaught of butterflies when you leaned down and asked with a mischievous glint in your eyes, “Wanna get out of here?”

Just as Virgil was nodding his head you heard Patton's voice say, “ah ah ah” from behind you while doing his Dad Stance™️ Which was just his hands on his hips with one leg sticking out while looking at the both of you with a no-nonsense face.

“You’re not going anywhere until both of you have something painted on your face.”

Both you and Virgil were gonna groan in protest but shut up when Patton pointed two fingers at his eyes and then towards you as he slowly started to back away. That was until he ran into the couch which made you and Virgil snort. But either way, you listened to Patton and sat down next to Virgil, knees touching. Something you both were way too aware of but said nothing.

"Well... let's get this over with. You're the only one I trust to paint on my face anyway." Virgil muttered while turning to face you. You reach for some face paint to try to hide your flushed expression but don’t realize that Virgil went to do the same thing.

Virgil flinched his hand back and cleared his throat to try to ignore the red creeping up his cheeks. But you on the other hand just tried to bite back your smile and picked up some white paint. You looked around for a paintbrush but couldn’t find one so you decided to just use your fingers, smearing around the white paint.

Knowing that you would have to touch his face for a while made a burst of butterflies explode in your stomach. Swallowing hard you tried to think of something to say and attempt to distract yourself from how bad the butterflies tickled.

“So uhm…you gonna paint me first?” Virgil tried to say nonchalantly as he scratched the inside of his eye, his gaze flickering from your fingers to the floor, while his face became a deeper shade of red.

“Yeah, want it to be a surprise?” You asked with a small smirk as you wiggles your paint smeared fingers at him.

He snorted at your teasing and gave you a single nod as he leaned in, his adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed. You met him in the middle and began to glide your fingers across his face.

Your fingertips felt cold compared to how hot his face was. This was one of the many things you noticed while being this close together. Like how he couldn't meet your eyes for more than a split second but you could still see the longing he held. How he had small, barely there birthmarks hidden under his bangs.

Maybe this was why you couldn’t help but graze your fingers just a moment longer than you had to every time you painted a part of his face. And maybe this was the reason you started to become so hyper-aware of every little thing he did.

Like how he started fidgeting with a part of your pants. or when his tongue would occasionally flick out to wet his lips every once in a while.

Even though you felt nerves beyond belief due to your closeness, you also felt overjoyed. It was quite the roller coaster of emotions.

After a while of painting, fidgeting, and longing gazes, you finally finished the skeleton face on Virgil. When you leaned back to admire your work - and Virgil - you noticed how the tips of his ears went red.

He looked cute like this, you thought, noting how his purple hair was a nice contrast to the black and white paint. Along with the fact that the black paint around his eyes pretty much looked like his everyday eyeshadow.

The sound of him clearing his throat brought you back to reality, making you realize you were staring at him for a little too long, which made your ears burn red this time.

His eyes flickered over to your ears and gave you a small half smile while he grabbed some nearby face paint.

“So…what do you have in mind for my face paint?”

Although you were in a loud room because of the others, it felt as though you broke a thick silence. To be fair this was the first time one of you spoke since you started the face painting process.

“Hey, no spoilers allowed.” He said with a mischievous grin while he beckoned you to come closer. Once you did, he began to smear a light blue base coat on your face.

You had nothing else to say at this point. Which was sorta weird considering when you and Virgil hung out you couldn’t shut up. But to be honest, how can one concentrate on words when the feeling of his gentle fingers grazed your face.

It was weirdly relaxing how the paint felt on your face which was warmed by the heat of his fingers. It felt nice to be this pampered. You felt quite relaxed until Virgil thought it would be a good idea to lean even closer to you.

That’s when your heart started to beat out of control. He didn’t seem to notice that he did nor your reaction to his closeness. If he did, he was doing an amazing job at hiding it.

You assumed it was so that he could get the details of the paint right since neither of you had a paint brush. But a part of you knew that he really loved the closeness as well. Even if he didn’t intentionally show it.

It seemed impossible not to notice things about him at this point. Especially his lips. It was as if your eyes had a mind of their own. Every time you caught yourself looking at his lips you would look away but somehow always found your gaze drifting back to his lips.

A soft, barely there gasp brought you out of your stupor. Once your eyes focused you realized that Virgil had noticed how close you two were. But he didn’t seem to make an effort to back away at all. You didn’t particularly mind that. Especially when his eyes seemed to be drifting down towards your lips too.

You didn’t know if it was your mind playing tricks on you but you could’ve sworn he was getting closer. Or maybe you were. You didn’t really care. All you cared about was finding out how his lips would feel on yours.

“REMUS, NO!! I KNOW WHAT YOUR TRYING TO DRAW ON ME!!”

Romans ear breaking screech made you both jump away from each other and frantically look around to see what the problem was.

Looking over, you saw how Romans face has two circles and a U shaped line almost connecting the circles. Remus was chasing him around with a sharpie while he had scribbling all over his face.

“Remus, please stop trying to draw male genitalia on Roman.” Logan insisted from his spot on the couch, a comically large cup of wine in one hand while the other rubbed his forehead.

Seeing and hearing all of this, you gave Virgil a side eyes to see if he was seeing the same thing you were. He happened to do the same thing you did and when you both locked eyes, you burst out laughing.

The type that had both of you leaning against each other wheezing and when your laughter was reduced to small giggles, Patton came over to you two and gasped in delight.

“Oh my goodness!! You did Jack and Sally!? I knew you two made the cutest couple!!” Patton exclaimed before bounding away, leaving you behind with flustered expressions. Both from having Patton call you a couple and from the fact you both accidentally matched with your face paint.

Looking around for a mirror, you snatched one off the dining table and looked at the face paint. And sure enough you looked almost identical to Sally.

It was an impressive and flattering work of art. Looking over at Virgil he too had found a mirror and was admiring your art work. He looked over at you and seemed to get even more flustered, probably remembering what almost happened.

You looked over to him with a smile on your face that you couldn’t quite shake off.

“Well…wanna get out of here?” You asked, hoping he would want to resume what had almost happened.

All he did was give you giddy smile, take your hand, and walk out of there with you by his side.

You made a mental note to thank Patton for making you come the party.

[xo-adeline]

Hihi congrats on the milestone (again) wanted to join in on this since yesterday but kept forgetting until now BUT i finally got my brain to get around to it! Can I get a matchup for either bllk or bsd?

My pronouns are she/her but I rlly don’t mind any, and my preferred name (online at least) is dor/doro/dorcie/whatever variant of dor someone comes up with. I don’t mind any character tbh! Anyone BUT shidou bc i hate that ugly FREAK😠!!!!!

My likes are all over the place… i’ve been enjoying thrifting a lot recently, especially w my friends. I also like record stores and second-hand book stores (i think they smell good). Uhhh i’ve been obsessed with the legend of zelda and splatoon since i was like… 7? Very dear franchises to me. I love reading and writing (duh) and also online shopping! Also i love walks. Long walks, short walks, idcidc if i can walk somewhere I’m happy. I have a sweet tooth but recently i’ve been enjoying rlly bitter things?? Black coffee is surprisingly enjoyable?? But i still love sweet stuff especially cherry or strawberry flavors yum. Also coffee smells so good…

Dislikes BLEHH. i hate annoying people i hate close-minded people and i have a great dislike towards people who over consume. Snakes are nasty EW WHY ARE THEY SO SLITHERY WHY DO THEY MIVE LIKE THAT i hate snakes… ew. I’m also insomniac so i don’t like that… also tiktok influencers more than half of them suck booty and irk me

Hobbies.. writing ofc, painting occasionally, idk if the gym counts but. I love the gym. !! My personality is ENTP and i’ve been told im a dun person to be around or talk to. A few of my friends call me an orange cat??? If that counts as a personality trait. I’m lazy sometimes but other times i’m doing like 20 things at once on a whim cause why not

Love language (giving) : acts of service 100% i love doing things for my friends and when im in a relationship. Quality time is up there too! Physical touch is 50/50 tho it really depends on my mood.

Love language (receiving) : quality time fs i love quality time its so dear to me

Idk how i’d describe my appearance tbh? I’m pretty tall, like 5’7 and a half? I think? Last time i went to the doctor thats what i got😭 mid length dark brown hair and hazel eyes, also an athletic build cause i’m rlly active. I think my aesthetic is somewhere between vintage and grunge? I’m kinda basic sometimes too it depends on the day, yknow?

Sorry for writing an essay 😔

I think you'd go well with...

Kunigami Rensuke!

-> Off the bat, you two probably met at the gym or when you both were out walking! After that he started finding times to talk to you before he eventually asked you out! -> The cutest little gym dates every once in a while, along with taking walks and going to little nearby bookstores and even thrifting places, once he learns you like that stuff, he's be so happy to accompany you really anywhere! -> Understands about your dislike for close minded people, and luckily as long as there isn't anything wrong with what you're doing then he's totally there to support you in whatever you do! -> Tries to help you in any way possible with your insomnia, even staying up with you if it helps in any way, even if he normally tries to get 8 hours. He doesn't wanna just leave you awake, especially if he can help in some way -> Loves having conversations with you, especially since you have those traits of being social and a fun person to be around, and when he sees you trying to do a bunch of stuff at once he'll always try to help you out. He just doesn't want you to get too overwhelmed with doing to much -> Doesn't quite understand why you like doing things for him at first, but once he realizes that it's how you show your love it's really heartwarming to him, and he might ask you to get him stuff more times on purpose just because, and with the 50/50 on touch, he gets it. He doesn't constantly like being touched either but whenever you wanna hug or just to cuddle together he'll never say no!

I think you’d go well with…

Chuuya Nakahara!

-> Loves taking you out on shopping dates whenever he's not busy. Bookstore? Sure, he could always also use a new book. Old record store? Who doesn't like music. Even just walking around while window shopping is so much better with you around. Though you might have to take Elise with you every so often! -> He'll end up going with you to the gym every once in a while, he doesn't always have the time but when he does it's not a bad thing to do. Though sometimes he'll just kinda watch and do barley anything, normally it's because he's still kinda sore or beat up from a past mission -> Your personality types work out pretty well, you being an ENTP and him as a ESTP, showing that you have pretty similar thoughts and feelings about things which makes it a little easier to understand each other! There may be a couple things you disagree on but he'll at least try to understand your side and hopes you do the same with him -> Also has a dislike for closed minded people, so he's always willing to complain or listen to you when you come across one, and he totally gets it and will get pissed off, even if he wasn't there -> Actually really likes that your love language is acts of service, it not only helps him when he needs something but also the fact that it takes a lot of stress off him if he has you helping him! Of course he'll never take it for granted and he always reminds you to take a break, and he'll help you whenever he can as well. Also in the same boat with being a 50/50 on physical affection, it's nice every once in a while but especially with his job he can't always be around to hug and do things like that. But he makes up for it by trying to be around as much as he can when he is around!

[remyfire]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

I was tagged by @quordleona03! Thank you so much for the tag I know lots of people have already been tagged, so consider this a formal request that if you have NOT been tagged, you please come play! But off the top of my head, @onekisstotakewithme @cuddleswinchester @dreamingofspring :D

How many works do you have on Ao3?

40.

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

I think we might officially be leaving 2023 with 300,842 words. Not a bad count for only publishing since April! That's a novella a month right there.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

MASH. :D

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Scratching The Itch, Can't Take My Eyes Off You, To Have and To Hold, Anything You Say Can and Will Be Held Against You, and Tear Out All Your Tenderness. Good morning beejhawk nation I see you all hkdfds

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! Sometimes they pile up and I get overwhelmed and just click that "Mark All As Read" button while hiding behind my hand. But I really try to circle through nowadays even just for a "Thanks for reading!!" because I really appreciate every single one!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I feel like ...With Too Many Miles Between Us was a pretty rough one. There's maybe optimism that you can read through the cracks, but it was a damn agonizing prompt fill (affectionate) all around. The Good Ones Always Seem to Break is another. Sorry that I keep putting you in situations, Beej.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oughhhh, just about anything that suggests they don't end here, so to speak. I think To Have and To Hold probably tops the list, but I Intend to Hold You For the Longest Time and Soft Place to Land also come in hot just by nature of being established postwar situations.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet! I've had a couple of people not understand what I was going for and who were not afraid of saying so, but it wasn't outright hate. They were probably just not the intended audience.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Ahh yes. 65% of my current fics are rated E for a reason, and the 5 M ones are flirting with that line.

I categorize myself as an erotic romance writer, meaning that typically if you remove my sex scenes from my fics, you are losing integral information or character/relationship development that would otherwise make the fic not stand on its own. I also have a handful that are just pure erotica—sex for titillation's sake rather than development. I adore writing smut!! It's a lot of fun, it's exciting when you know you've landed it exactly like you wanted to, and it's a way for me to reclaim all those years I spent being forcibly repressed due to my religious upbringing. I love every minute of it.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I do not!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

The Famous 4077 Dog Tag Party certainly counts! Many of us authors randomized a list of pairings for both eras of the show, and then we were responsible for picking a pairing, writing the characters going on a date (platonic or romantic), and seeing what happened. Extremely fun way to get some rare pairs we might not have expected. For example, I got to write Margie/Klinger for it!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Hey now I am too fucking polyam to answer this and you know it. Mcpunnihawk probably tops the list, warring with margbeej and sidbeejhawk.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I am not taking this defeatist energy into 2024, how dare you. One day, my pretties, I'm coming back for all of you and we are crossing that finish line OR ELSE.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Smut, capturing character voices accurately, physicality, spinning relational scenarios on the fly.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Genres like mystery or sci-fi or horror, repetition of comfort words/phrases, putting my characters through significant levels of pain (I am too empathetic, I can and will cry over my own fics).

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Things that I do not feel comfortable doing myself because I am not familiar enough with any other language to know I'm doing it accurately.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The kid wizard one.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

How dare you make me pick from my children. Scratching The Itch, Anything You Say Can and Will Be Held Against You, I'd Give Up Forever to Touch You, and Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures. Notably this could all change by this time tomorrow. I'm very fond of my fics.

[unohanabbygirl]

I hope you are not overwhelmed with some of the comments as just recently I’ve seen some really uncalled for reviews and assumptions being made either about the story FMN or going so far as to make assumptions about you as a person. It’s totally out of the left field that I literally was left scratching my head as to why anyone would assume they have any right to judge you based on a fictional piece of work or think they can dictate where and how you choose to write your story. As a reader I think the best we can do is to leave a review or comment, words of encouragement or even constructive criticism but to make outlandish assumptions is utterly wrong. There is such a thing as separating the author from the work and just because an author writes something down doesn’t mean that they are okay with it in reality, don’t know why this is so hard for people to understand sometimes but idk I felt upset if this could potentially put you off or even change the course of your work. It’s your work and at the end the day a person can choose to not read it if they no longer wish to. So I hope that you still continue to write and that you follow whichever course you wish to take with your story or characters. Just because a person doesn’t like a character/s doesn’t make them bad, racist or horrible or automatically. Nothing I’ve seen in your work that I would assume you were singling out a character based on their ethnicity etc… just all around horrible review, while I can respect peoples opinions the full assumption or even righteousness that makes them feel that they own a piece of your work or character is just simply wrong. For example in my own personal opinion I don’t like Criston Cole, not because he is a person of color, in the show he just happens to be played by a person of color, I could care less, it’s the character himself that I don’t like for various reasons that have nothing to do with his ethnicity etc… ugh sorry for my small rant but I truly hope that you are alright and know that your work is appreciate by many of us. ❤️

No need to be sorry at all! If anything I thank you because you’ve put a smile on my face after a pretty crappy day dealing with some ongoing family issues that have been disturbing my peace.

I’ve seen some of the comments made and was originally going to respond with some long explanation that would’ve likely started a back and forth which is the last thing I want for this little bubble I’ve created, so I figured it was best to leave it be and move on for my peace of mind.

At first the insinuation that I was throwing a brown character under the bus to praise a bunch of horrible white people stung a little as a woc myself, but it’s the internet and assumptions will be made. Especially since I’ve never outright stated my race and certain sides of the fandom tend to spew rhetoric about Targ stans only liking blonde haired white people, so it’s whatever. But I do appreciate you checking up on me, its very sweet of you so I offer a virtual hug and kiss 🥰

I haven’t been discouraged and continue to write to my heart’s content! As i’ve said I got some family drama going on (cutting off toxic relatives is harder than I thought it would be ngl) so my updates are slow and when I think I can post I get thrown off schedule by bs which sucks. But I’m here to stay and my original plans for the future of my fics remain set in stone. Much loves babes 💕

[tohisprettyc00l]

Hello! I never did this, but can I get a romantic/platonic match up with a toh character?

-I am 15 years old.

-I'm bisexual. (More leaned towards boys. Its like 65% boys and 45% girls.)

-I am a November Sagittarius.

-My MBTI is ENFP 7w6.

-If I play D&D I'm always a bard,no question asked.

-Being someone with an ADHD is very interesting (thats me,hi).

- I'd say I'm hardworking and determined,but I have a low motivation.

- Sometimes I feel like I don't have any self-esteem at all (being always the weird kid has its effect for the long run.)

- I feel that I am sometimes the smartest person in the room and the dumbest the same time.

- I love memes,dank memes and overly people say I am a fun person to be around.

- Being the oldest daughter I love to care about people who deserves it.

- I love listening to peoples dreams/what they want from life or just rambling about anything.

- My hobbies are listening some music (any kind really), writing fanfictions,reading and drawing.

- I love dogs,cats,raccoons,reptiles, bees really anything. Even spiders. Just don't jump on be.

- I am easily scared by loud voice or jumpscares. I hate horrors :c

So thats it💛

And thank you for ur work.

(And sorry about my grammar,english isn't my first language)

I romanticly match you with: Luz Noceda!

-Luz loves D&D and no one can convince me otherwise. She would 100% play with you if you wanted.

-Fun fact: she also had ADHD! (like canonically) So she can relate to you when it comes to that.

-She literally moved dimensions because she was seen as "Weird" and that definitely contributed to her season 3 self-esteem issues. So with that being said she can be and is a great help with boosting your confidence.

-You'll wake up to like 50 texts from her and they're all memes.

-She may not be the oldest (Vee's a year older) but when she cares it is clear. She goes all out showing her affection.

-Bro if you are okay with listening to rambling get ready to know every detail about The Good Witch Azura. You'll know just as much if not more than people who have read the whole series.

-Girl loves writing fanfic and reading it! If you're in the same fandom as her and you post your fanfic she'll happily be your beta reader.

-If you think you like animals like spiders or things people don't usually like you've seen nothing yet. The weirder the animal the more Luz likes it.

I platonically match you with: Vee noceda!

-She would love to play dnd with you.

-Yeah Vee can relate to the motivation thing :/. So I mean y'all can talk to each other about it.

-Vee loves memes tbh. But she doesn't really understand any of them.

-Vee doesn't really think about her future. Mainly because it gets overwhelming for her because she isn't used to a 'normal' life. But being able to talk about to someone even if it is a one-way conversation.

-She cares for animals a lot, she finds them very neat.

-Vee likes spooky stuff but in a more fun way. But if you don't like that either she's fine not looking at spooky stuff when you are around.

I hope you like it!

[honeybearspeach]

Dear

Jonginnie,

To be honest, my heart is impatient as I type this. I feel like a mother, worrying for her child, and I'm younger than you, imagine!

At first, I was of the opinion that you should enlist fast, with the thought that in doing so you will come back to me faster. To be honest, now, I just want to stay with you forever. It was a sudden overwhelming feeling of anxious thoughts I suppose. Jonginnie, my heart is not ready to let you go, but I am certain it will never be prepared enough.

Probably, two years later, I will read this and remember how much you cried on your Instagram live, and how I took a break from my job to cry with you in the washroom of my office. That was a lot of crying for someone who claims they don't cry; no I'm not talking about myself when I say this. Although, I'm glad, and I feel honored that you trust us enough to show us your vulnerable side. I cannot even imagine your frustration when you received the sudden news. I just felt sorry for you, for me, for EXO and us.

Believe it or not, I always knew that you're the member that I will worry about the most because of how sensitive you are.

I have so many thoughts I want to put down, but I don't even know where to begin.

Actually, after the aKaive live, I came back home and I thought a lot about what I know about the person Kim Jongin. I realized I have lived learning a lot from you. My sweet Jonginnie, sometimes I wonder; how do you still maintain your child-like innocence, when you've experienced so many harsh realities of the world?

Kim Jongin who lived diligently for 20 years, I cannot be more proud of the person you have become. You embody such a perfect balance of personality and stage presence that it's hard to not fall in love. I most especially admire your passion for your art. You are a perfect example of practice makes perfect. You're so hardworking and diligent, I remember you saying "practice until it's still fun, not until you get tired." While other idols looked to sneak out of the practice room, my Nini loved to sneak in at night to practice his dancing and singing. I'm still surprised at how you managed to not get in trouble for that. But that's what makes Jongin, Kai isn't it? I've had the pleasure of seeing you perform live, and it is undoubtedly one of the best performances I've had the pleasure of experiencing. On the same note, why are you such a perfectionist? It makes me go crazy when you get frustrated over tiny things when it comes to your performance. I can recall all the times you've cried in ments over a misstep or a mistake. It just makes the performance more unique my Nini. While thinking about this, its making me worry. Please promise me you won't stress about tiny things in the military Jongin ah.

Of all the things, my favourite characteristic about you is your benevolence, selflessness, genuine character, and empathy. It makes me want to wrap you in a baby blue blanket and protect you from the world. You have such a befitting name, Jongin, which means to "spread kindness."

My precious Jonginnie whose heart is always full of warmth, and who cares about everyone and everything around him. I could see the love you have in interaction with your family. Taking care of your mom and sisters, playing with Rahee and Raeon (Kaichun is the best), and let's not forget Monggu, Jjangah and Jjangu. You are not one to always show your love through words but your emotions speak through your actions. There is a thousand examples I can give, but one comes effortlessly to my mind. It is of the time when you would carry Junmyeon on your back up and down the stairs of the practice room when he had injured himself.

As a fan I can always feel your love when you tease and make fun of us, or when you take extra efforts to communicate with us, be it threatening the company for aKAIve, sharing pictures of your vacation on creating challenges (like the one where you ranked the bear fanarts some 8 years ago and presented awards) on EXO-L app, making vlogs or doing Instagram lives and most importantly your silly bubble messages.

What's beautiful is how this extends towards not just your loved ones but everyone in general. One instance I can think of is when the Big Issue magazine where you worked for free because 50% of the profit went to the homeless vendors. I absolutely love that you believe in the greater good and live by your father's principle of "being human above all."

Jonginnie who has the most love to give, I hope you will protect that generous heart of yours the most while we are apart.

How did you grow up so much? I remember your highschool graduation, now I'm sending you off to military. One day you're on knowing brother saying panty oppa, and the next moment you're a variety show king with a blue dragon award? I remember the days when you would burn toasts and spill coffee in electric sockets, but now you're having cooking competitions with Kyungsoo? That reminds me, I've not heard positive reviews about the food in military, so don't be a picky eater there. Have 3 meals a day, besides, it's just for the first few weeks, then you can have your favorite meals at home.

Today, as you take a turn around the corner, there is a new, different world that awaits you. Take utmost care of yourself Jongin ah. I want my Jongin back exactly as I am sending you.

I want to assure you, that even if everything changes; at the end of the two years, you will see me waiting for you.

My clumsy jongin ah, I hope you don't break things there, don't mess with electrical appliances, don't leave your phone unattended, don't forget your apple ID, actually, just get a Samsung please.

My shy Jonginnie, please make a lot of new friends in the army. On the weekends, don't forget to eat chicken. Take this opportunity to go out with friends more. Go dance in the studio, maybe pick up ballet again. Oh, and build lego, do things that will make you happy, okay?

You said I should make my dream come true, but my dream is vague and very far away. So instead, I promise to work hard towards it until you come back. It's crazy to think I will already be working somewhere for two years when you come back. Time will fly, hopefully.

Six hundred and forty days seem like a lot, and they are, speaking from past experiences. Can't you just teleport us all ahead in time?

No matter how much of a Rover you pretend to be, I hope you don't feel Blue. Come back soon to perform for me.

Until I see you again, take care and serve with pride, my Pride.

Love,

H

[ginnsbaker]

hi there! can i just say i’m a big fan of your “if i bleed (you’ll be the last to know)” work!! i just want to take a long minute to gush about all the little details i hyperfixated on.

okok first i have!!! to talk about this title… my god… it.. hurts so good??? (assuming it was from cruel summer by taylor) i love this song so much and have read countless of fics with this same title but none hit the nail on the head quite like yours.. and now i’m listening to the song all over again and my thoughts are filled with how perfect this song and this fic fit together. before i realized you were quoting this song i had just imagined sometime late into spring but now i’m imagining summer and it somehow makes all the smaller moments more intimate to me…

second, i haven’t watched sorry for your loss yet… i’ve been meaning to!! …but i just really don’t do well with grief related shows even though i know it might help me to grow and move past it to learn and see how others cope… but anyway! i’ve gone into this blind pretty much, only knowing that yeah, leigh’s husband passes and there’s something she didn’t know… and i’m not a fan of cheaters and such but something about reading how… selfish.. these characters can be… flawed characters. it just makes it sweeter to read somehow. — especially that little part in part 6(?) where jules mentions how… difficult leigh can be at times since the whole thing.. like gahhhh my brain is like… gnawing and chewing on how… just real you make these characters!!! the emotions you portray through leigh as well!!! like…ahhh!!! i really don’t know what to say it just makes me tug on my hair in a good way… speechless is what you’ve made me! or! or!! oh my god!!! when the reader doesn’t want leigh to hurt any more than she already is and leigh just.. takes the pain and walks with it??? because she’s… stronger than this? because she’s bitter? feels like she has to get back at matt?? and ugh… idkidk really! (i got all that from the anger and the line “i can handle pain just fine.”) like… i’m just. i’m chewing on this like a piece of gum that i don’t wanna spit out. oh!!! and… when she’s mad at… the things that matter… the little things like. how intimate it is for matt to just be there… after that first date… also! i’m a hater!! i’m a lover of the haters (jules!!!) and a hater of the lovers!! meaning, danny!!! i love that you’ve made me hate his character. after seeing how selfish he really is with leigh and.. how much of a tough spot the reader is in…

ok this is getting too long, i apologize. i jus really loved the pacing of the story, the characterizations and everything else… i just love it a lot and i can’t stop thinking about it after every update… because of all the cliffhangers!! anyway. i hope you know your words are loved, author. thank you!!

(ps. my friend saw me typing these paragraphs out and called it a love letter… and this is exactly what it is. a love letter to you, dear author and to your lovely fic. thank you again for writing such a piece and i am absolutely sat waiting for the next part!!!)

Oh my gosh, reading your feedback got me all:

first of all, i want to thank you for this long and adorable message. it's always such an overwhelming and it reminds me one of the reasons why i love writing so much. thank you thank you!

re:title- yes it's from Cruel Summer :)

re: watching Sorry for your loss - honestly, it's not required for you to have seen the show, just that you know the gist of it (Leigh being a young widow). Nothing really goes on--it just paints the process of grief in ordinary life. So you really don't have to see it. Besides, I don't even follow its timeline and relationships to a T.

re: your thoughts on the story- i find myself nodding along the stuff you picked out from the last 6 chapters. Also, I am a hater too (lol), I'm just not very vocal about the things I hate because one of lizzie's character once said: "You think it's cool to hate things. And it's not. It's boring. Talk about what you love and keep quiet about what you don't." But I'm a huge hater. I think we all secretly are. I think hating Danny is easy in this fic, but I keep trying to find something in him that's relatable, something that just doesn't make him an antagonist. I think it's fair to think that he's also being used by Leigh, being treated unfairly by Leigh. I don't think I really hate Danny here as much as you guys do. I have done awful things when I was younger out of the selfishness of satisfying my own desires. But I'll talk about that some other time and if anyone will ask :P

thank you for your love letter, it means so much and I'm going to keep this in my blog and tag it for what it is. I hope you'll enjoy the rest of the series :)

[cieloclercs]

lover, you should’ve come over , send me a description of yourself + a fandom and gender preference, and i’ll ship you with a character

i want it with f1 and it doesn't matter old or current drivers. i sent you this request before but i think i forgot to add preference so it was my fault. hope it doesn't bother you that i'm sending you a new one again, if it bothers you then i'm sorry. i think it's gonna be long so... sorry in advance x2

i'm 22 and history student. i want to be an academic because knowledge is pretty much everything to me. if a djinn grant me 3 wishes, one of them would be to know everything about universe, humankind and other things. i like learning new things and i like to share them with others whether its something scientific, about history, philosophy or just random fact about pop culture it doesn't matter. sometimes i just starting to tell someone a random fact i learned out of the blue so there's that i think. i also think my love language is quality time. i'll remember whats your favorite book, movie, song, sweater, drink etc it doesn't matter i'll etch everything about you into my brain forever. its my curse, sometimes i think that way.

i like buying new books even if i have billions of them i haven't read it yet at my home it doesn't matter. i like to go museums. my idea of relaxing and holiday is going to new historical places, museums, exhibitions, watching something or reading something, explore new music etc so you get the idea.

i like to watch art movies, documentaries, keeping an eye on film festivals. my favorites are those 3 hours long old movies you can hardly find subtitles for but when you do... it gives you everything you need and more.

when i said i like learning new things i mean it as a learning different subjects or matters. it doesn't matter tbh if that thing got me interested in then you probably gonna find me searching it online at 3 am.

i'm a bit cold to others i'm not gonna lie. definetely judge someone and if i dont find them okay-ish then warming up to them and liking them is gonna be hard. i tend to isolate myself and zone out frequently when i'm overwhelmed so even if you continue to talk there's a big chance i'm not gonna hear you but i have pretty good focus so thats the plus for me.

i'm definetely quick to anger and hold grudges really well won't forget something you said to me 10 years ago. but i'm also a ride or die and would bring shovel to your house unquestioned so i guess that's even it out?

but there's a weird and kind of intimidating side of me? at least that what my friends been saying. my classmates and friends often saying to me how they were/are intimidated to talk to me because they didn't want to seem stupid or didnt gage out what would i say or react. weird side of me i think its that sometimes i tend to get awkward not gonna lie...

also i tend to get... disappear for extended period of time out of the blue. i'm just vibing at home or outside by myself. i'm happy with it but others don't.

i hope it's not too long and if it is sorry </3

i ship you with lance stroll!

— i’ve never pictured lance as the academic type per se, but i always get the sense he’s a bit of a dark horse when it comes to his talents outside of f1… i feel like he’d be super interested in all of the stuff you are, especially philosophy. once you guys start dating, i can picture him getting really into philosophy and history and reading to the point where he’s basically just feeding your own need for more knowledge (match made in heaven frrr)

— obviously the guy is loaded so he has no problem buying you whatever books you want. instead of being the kind of boyfriend that goes out and buys his girlfriend jewellery to show affection (bc his love language is DEFINITELY gift giving) he’ll buy you a ton of books instead 😭 i feel like you’ll get so used to it that every time you go out you leave a reading list on the table for him to look at, and when you get back he’ll have bought you EVERY SINGLE BOOK. even the really obscure ones, and you’re like how did he manage to find this at such short notice? 😭

— loads of your dates consist of either movie nights or trips to museums and exhibitions. you might do some more mindless lowkey stuff in-between, but lance will pretty much do whatever it is you want to do 😭 he’ll definitely surprise you with random trips to loads of interesting historical places. even if you only mention a particular place one time in passing, the next thing you know he’ll get you on his private jet and take you there for the weekend 🥹 it just shows he’s a really good listener too !! a bit like you, he just wants to commit everything about you to his memory 🤍

— i never thought i’d say this because i picture lance as being quite isolated a lot of the time, but he encourages you to get out more and stops you from retreating within yourself. he knows that you have no problem being alone with your thoughts, but he also wants you to get out and experience things with new people 🥹

— BUT on the other hand, you guys are definitely the judgy inside joke couple 😭 i mean in the sense that you tell each other everything. if you’re holding a grudge against someone for a particular reason, he knows exactly why and holds a grudge too 😭 basically you always tell each other your drama to the point where you’re essentially just sharing enemies. this unfortunate person will never know why but every time they come near you both you’ll automatically just fall silent and stare them down 😭 half the grid is scared of you both for this but it’s fine you’re iconic

— ps. i’m sorry this took so long! i’ve been mulling over this one for a while 😅