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ma-lark-ey · 4 years ago

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I'm making this post the disclose my current opinions on the Dndads discourse and how frivolous its become.

I would like to preface with one thing;

This post contains content of grooming and manipulation, as this has been the main discussion in this fandom and the issues. I am speaking from my own personal experience, as a former victim of grooming who only recently escaped my abuser. I will not say their name, those who I feel comfortable knowing further information on this already know.

this is my trauma, and I am speaking from my experiences. This is one of the hardest possible topics I could touch on, and I beg anyone who still cares to listen, whether I change your mind or not. Listen.

I've wrestled with my support of this podcast for eleven weeks now. Maybe longer. Since before the discourse became a major thing. I've wrestled with this since episode 34 was released, and I need you understand that.

I need you to understand that I believe the hosts have done what they can to fix these issues. And I genuinely do not see what people still want from them. I will address each topic one at a time, and if I touch on things lesser than others, please understand that this discourse triggers a trauma that I underwent less than a year ago. a trauma I am still processing.

1. Grant, and his over sexualization.

The jokes revolving Grant and his sexual orientation or exploration were sometimes in very poor taste, I am not that blind. I will not defend them or say they weren't as bad as they are. But here'd what people have to think about when we talk about this; Those jokes are already in the episode. They cannot be removed, and the best the hosts can do about that is avoid that humor in the future. Humans are not perfect, and humor is ever growing part of a person, its always a tossup of if a joke will land or not. These did not, and they have not made these jokes since they got called on it.

On the Discord claims about them discussing his porn history, I can say nothing on that. I've seen no sources or proof that that happened. I won't make any opinions or comments on that until I've seen concrete proof that these conversations happened.

2. The Unsafe Discord.

They're Discord is no longer unsafe. Blanket statement, no discussion open. Here's the thing and here's where I'm going into my personal experience; Discords minor precautions arent up to par either. The DnDads hosts have made their 18+ channels, they've made the Discord clear to not be a totally kid friendly place and has tried to separate adults and minors. But they genuinely can only do so much. Minors can easily bypass these guidelines, and that is where we get to the whole grooming argument.

As a grooming victim, this is not the slippery slope people make it out to be. And adult fans,,this is where I'm telling you to sit down and shut up for a minute. Listen, for just a moment. I know I'm "just a kid" but, I've lived the possible outcomes you've thrown out. I lived that experience, and I lived. I survived, and the way you talk about it is so invalidating to me its absolutely disgusting.

I'm prefacing this with this may sound ineloquent, and not as "pleasant" as I usually like to sound. Because with this I expect people to listen. Its not in the public ass Discord server where you should watch out for the child. Its if you see an 18+ individual actively DMing that person, and this minor speaking about this person as if they're a major part of their life.

I need you to understand that I was genuinely wary of one of our own community members when I first began speaking with them, because of this trauma. I wary of ALL of our community members. I didn't share my other socials with people in this community unless I knew their content first. There have been multiple times I've stopped myself from messaging who I will call "My Annus" because of this trauma I've endured.

And I'm sorry, but Waterdeep genuinely has no precautions set in place to separate adults and minors that the DnDads Patreon does not. You cannot act like saints and villainize them, when they adjusted and became you. Then either both of you are saints or both of you are demons.

Children interacting with adults is always a bit set back at first. But I've been groomed. Twice. And you people act like its obvious, like it can happen so easily. And it does, it happens easily. First its them texting you so much you feel overwhelmed, then its them becoming someone you rely on. Someone who makes you pity them.

And its not gonna be people who are SIGNIFCANTLY older. (i.e, I feel much less worry interacting with 30 year olds than I do 18-22 year olds.) Because the adult people that feel 'more understandable' to be friends with cause their just barely adults? they tend to pry harder. They can get away with it. Thats just fact. The people who say "Oh I'm eighteen, but I just turned eighteen" I'm always the wariest of. Not because I'm convinced they're bad people or whatever, but because both times; my abuser was one of those people. This was two different people as well.

And thats what the adults of this fandom won't address. That its not the slope they've made it out to be. Because then they have to retract statements they made, and a lot of people, minors and adults, just don't have the humility to do that.

The only advice I can give to people in the server, who are worried for the minors. These are the only signs I can give you, and this is from my experience or the experience of other survivors I've spoken to, and I'm by no means saying this is concrete.

Abusers tend to be /just/ enough of an adult to be considered on, but not so old that it'll be considered weird for them to befriend a minor. The age gaps I see most often are 14/19 or in that kind of range. They'll go for the lonelier or newer folks, the ones who haven't built their group in the community and are just entering. The ones looking for their place in the hierarchy. If you want to help protect us, you watch like a mother bear when a new minor joins.

A lot of us don't realize its happening until its too late, and by the time we realize the situation we've fallen into its too late for us to get ourselves out. The majority of us have weak wills and a fear of conflict.

3. What the Hosts have done in response.

I honestly, genuinely think the hosts have done a lot of steps in the right direction. And in recent episodes? man, they've tagged their shit better than the McElroys, and no I'm not reaching there.

Honestly, they kind of did before to, on topics they knew were really rough for some people.

When they warned for the Willy Stapler stuff, I was grateful. They warned me I may be triggered by Ron and Willy's dynamic before I was forced with it. The McElroys had a scene with grooming in Grad, and I wasn't warned. I couldn't mentally prepare myself and I had a minor reaction to it. And thats not at all to shit on the McElroys, anyone who knows me know I love that family more than anything. That they saved me. Thats just a statement I need you all to understand.

The Hosts aren't "ignoring us" they're listening to us. They genuinely are. They saw we wanted content warnings, and they gave us some of the best content warnings I've seen. They've content warned episodes I didnt see reason for content warnings.

4. The Transcripts.

Look, this is beating a dead horse at this point. I, personally, have debated beginning to transcribe episode. I know they said they will, and I trust their word. But thats all we can really do, right?

I've transcribed things myself before, guys, and thats hard. and it takes time. and knowing them, they'll want to get all the current episodes up at once, and thats gonna take a hot minute to get down. And we can go into "Well why didnt they transcribe from the beginning?" and well, that's because transcribing just wasn't a thing until recently? Like again, going back to MBMBAM and McElroys, they don't even have all of TAZ transcribed last I checked (I believe their transcriptions go from Grad-Stolen Century, and anything before Stolen Century doesn't have one yet. I may be wrong on that.)

I will not speak on the other grievances and issues people have brought up in the show. The topics I covered are the only ones I feel comfortable speaking on on a public platform, where my words can sway opinions.

There is no TL;DR, because as I said in the beginning; if you can't read this, you aren't listening well enough nor willing to actually discuss the issues you have. You're looking for something to be mad about. Period, end of discussion.

I don't say that to act like I'm some authority on this, or some higher being above all of you for "being forgiving." Because, frankly I don't forgive them. I will continue to support them for making steps in the right direction, and upping their game. But, I won't forgive them for their jokes or the brief lack of precaution in the server. But, I will move on and I will support them. Because, as a victim of the problems people brought up in those situations, the steps the took are the best ones they could have. And I am grateful for that.

If other survivors read this and disagree, you're perfectly valid in that. We all went something, and it effects each of us differently. My heart goes out to you, as well, I know how isolating and genuinely terrifying those experiences and situations can be.

To those who aren't survivors and have read this; I beg you to think about this.

I am open to discussion further on this, but to an extent. There are some opinions I hold in this message that I will flat out tell you to not debate me on, not because of anything other than what I said in this post was hard enough to me to say.

Thank you for your time. EDIT: I implore anyone reading to the read the notes on this post, more information and discussion can be found and all of it is just as important.

#dndads #dndads discourse #discourse #dungeons and daddies

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luvlettertohoon · 3 years ago

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hi!! / [where i’ve been, how i’m moving forward, and an apology.]

this isn’t an essay i promise </3

TL;DR -- i’m so sorry for disappearing; life’s rough, but i’m doing my best! the blog is gonna be kinda slow for a while, but i hope that you can bear with me! previously pinned post still applies.

i’m gonna do my best to keep this short, but forgive me if i start to ramble </3. i’ve been gone! for like- twenty days! i won’t sit here rattling off excuses, because nobody wants to hear that. but, i will mention that my school year has started which will result in me being less active. to be completely honest, i’ve been in a bit of a rut -- and have been for a while. this, combined with school, and the horrorshow that is my personal life, results in me just- not really feeling it? i don’t wanna turn this into a sob-story or a cry to pity me, but i want to be honest! creativity, as well as inspiration is fluid. so fluid. having bouts of creativity, and that adrenaline-inducing spark of inspiration are what keep me, and most writers, going. recently, i just haven’t been experiencing those. i’m starting to just say the same thing over and over so i’m gonna wrap this up [oopsies].

i’d like to apologize for my absence. more specifically, vanishing without any warning beforehand. i wish that i gave some sort of warning beforehand, but i didn’t. i won’t dwell on the past, so let’s talk about moving forward! moving forward, i hope that i can become someone that grows more steady in their writing, and learns how to overcome these obstacles! i’m continuing to improve myself, my writing, and this blog every day; i’m constantly trying to better myself for -- well, myself -- and for the people around me! i hope that you can forgive me, and understand that i’m doing my best =^^= !!

things are gonna be a little slow for a while, but i’m gonna do my best to write and get things out. i miss writing, i miss posting things, i miss squealing every time i get a note. the previously pinned post still applies! i’m still gonna be working on these damn series, and putting out smaller works until i can post the first series.

i don’t expect anybody to read this, but if anyone did -- thank you. thank you to the people who interact with me, too. thank you for supporting me this far and i hope that i can earn more support in the future! i’m glad to be back [i missed tumblr so much oh my god <//3].

#luvlettertohoon #i'm so sorry oh my god #and i'm so embarassed #i just hope that i'll be able to get some stuff out :(#i've missed being here!!!!!#and i have asks!!!! yay!!!!

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eyeslikefoxglove · 4 years ago

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Episode 14 - WangXian are a (v soft) Battle Couple & Foxglove is hella mad

Hi! Welcome to episode 14. I should be studying. It’s day two of morning runs, so my soul has left my body already, send help. Yesterday I went to buy plants with my mum and got so excited I just whacked on a bunch of eyeshadow because I haven’t seen the outside in weeks, I’m also wearing makeup today, because I have nowhere to go, but I really need to finish this bb cream before it goes bad, so my parents are getting my full fresh faced “woke up like this and put on mascara” routine (which is a fucking lie because I’m wearing at least three blushes and two highlighters). I’m determined to get this bitch down in under five minutes so I can have another five to do eyeshadow, I have way too much eyeshadow to not wear it (I have way too much everything except maybe mascara and eyebrow stuff).

Yes, if y’all were wondering I am in fact a makeup magpie. ANYWAY BACK TO THE ACTUAL THING WE ALL CAME HERE FOR.

(Btw further down I discuss once again how shitty I think the Yunmeng sibs’ parents are if that causes an issue for you)

Ok ok ok, so I was talking with damnpoe-2187 here about how we found that sometimes WWX crossed from gremlin into asshole when he tried to get LWJ riled up. Like in the Cold Springs, putting our shippers hearts aside, that was a dick move and he should have stopped undressing the second LWJ went from annoyed to incredibly uncomfortable. I find this scene the complete opposite, a show of character development if you will. It is kind of similar in that they’re both hurt, and alone (although this time is much more serious) and there was some undressing going on; however WWX here behaves like a fool in love considerate person and knowing how uncomfortable LWJ already is tries to make it easier for him. They’re also super soft and I’m weak.

A brief interlude from my one track mind: That pond is full of corpses isn’t it? Or at least the remnants of the Murder Turtle’s meals I suppose. Damn right WWX should not have gone into the water with an open wound, but think no one should go swimming in there without a full hazmat suit tbh (I want to pump them full of antibiotics at this point ngl)

So I love this tiny montage (is it even a montage) of the, getting themselves ready to kill the Murder Turtle.

Teamwooooooork.

Listen, I have read a few fics in which their mind-meld stays in place due to reasons and I need me more of those.

Ok, turtles don’t work that way, but then again, giant murder snake-Trex-turtle so that’s low on my list of priorities. What’s not low is the fact that this guy is knee deep into pretty much a mass grave and I want to take a few showers just watching him.

Yeah, I know exactly what he’s smelling and suddenly I hope I don’t have meat for lunch today tbh.

The screaming sword has always been fucking creepy and does LWJ’s fist clench mean that he’s also hearing them?

BATTLE COUPLE! BATTLE COUPLE! BATTLE COUPLE!

So I know killing the thing took them something like six hours. And while it feels quite a long time in the show, I think that, if they cut the scene with idk, JC running towards Lotus Pier, then back to them, then back to JC, but now the sun is in a different position, back to them, but now the blood from LWJ’s hand has dripped down his arm; and so on a so forth it’d convey more clearly how long it took for the Murder Turtle to die. I know fuck all about cinematography tho so feel free to ignore all this if it is in fact an abomination.

Tiiiiiiny interlude here to say that Yiling Patriarch!WWX is probably one of my favourite character archetypes. He’s slightly creepy, slightly amoral (smiling while torturing and murdering bad guys is still amoral ok), more than a bit on the Dark Side, cocky, smirky, a bit of an asshole a BAMF, a rebel with cause and yet he will still do the right thing, not despite his nature, but because of it. He’s kind of like a Chipped Spike? But you know, he doesn’t need electroshock to behave.

I just want a fic where he’s this Dark Lord of Evil in everyone’s eyes however the ‘good guys’ take a break from trying to off him because a bigger threat just popped up and they have no choice but to ask for his help. He agrees, keeps being his charming self while also saving everyone’s asses, LWJ is smitten.

TL;DR: The Necromancer is hot. Oh and nobody dare deny LWJ has a Yiling Patriarch kink.

Oh my, this is the part when I always get teary eyed.

WUJI ON A CELLO? DO YOU WANT TO KILL ME?

“Why hasn’t Jiang Cheng shown up and rescued me yet?” THIS IS ALL THE PROOF I NEED THAT WWX IS THE BABY SIBLING.

“Lan Zhan sing me a song”

IT IS HAPPENING, STAY FUCKING CALM EVERYBODY (I’m crying)

That slideshow of their best moments set to WuJi is a masterpiece, and also, it kind of drives home the point of “how tf did we go from flirting during summer camp to this mess”?

(Btw if that’s YiBo humming he’s got one hell of a deep voice)

Ok ok ok, so this moment had me spitting up my tea the first time I watched it. Believe it or not my dumbass thought these people were actually serious with the censorship and we’d get scraps of their actual relationship. Lots of charged moments like in some other western tv shows I’ve seen when two dudes have chemistry but “they’re not gay”, no longing glances, no tender touches, no being unbelievably soft with each other; just you know, amped up, because if I’m not mistaken you can be arrested in China for “promoting the gay”. I mean, they changed the beginning when people insult MXY’s sexuality to insulting his mental health; no one would think “ah yes, the gays are good” when they hear it used as a slur, but they still erased it completely. One of the things I thought they’d fully take away was WangXian, I mean, the into/outro is named Wuji, which, you know, still a mishmash of their names, but not their ship name. It is such a significant part of the story with all the “what’s the song name? Figure it out yourself” that if something were going to give away that they’re married with a kid it would be that. I thought we’d get an artful fade to black BEFORE LWJ would say the name not after. And also, YiBo is enunciating it so clearly that, even with the sound muffled and the blurriness I, who don’t speak Chinese, can make out the two syllables. That’s deliberate, I can say “WangXian” loud and clear without moving my lips too much. At this point in time I must assume someone in charge of looking for censorship violations in the show is a fan and just ignored it.

Censorship person 1: dude, isn’t that a bit too gay, maybe you shouldn’t greenlight it.

Censorship person 2: shut the fuck up, sit here and watch.

*a full rundown of the whole of CQL later*

Censorship person 1: oh my god they’re so in love and they deserve to be happy.

Back to the commentary: I’m sorry but I have a mighty need of a WWX & Peacock friendship ok? This might be me just wanting WWX and LWJ to make other friends besides each other but I think that the Peacock is just bitchy enough to not take any of WWX’s bullshit.

And the Yunmeng bros timing for banter strikes yet again.

That’s terrible quality fake blood btw.

@ Yunmeng disciples: STOP SHOOTING FUCKING KITES PLEASE AND THANK YOU

Oooof even with a change of clothes our boy is still looking rough as hell.

MY LOVELY YUNMENG SIBS BEING SOFT AND HAPPY WITH EACH OTHER.

It hurts my soul that the second JFM starts praising WWX for surviving the Murder Turtle our boy’s knee-jerk reaction is to start praising JC in return. It is instinctive, how many times must this have happened for him to know his brother won’t even get scraps of praise? (Seriously fuck their parents)

It was going so well, I mean, JFM had a point warning him to not say things in anger. But I thought he was going to tell him that it is because sometimes he’ll hurt someone without wanting to, yet, this asshole decided to, once again, remind his kid he thinks he’s a failure.

And here comes Mme Yu who I can only assume had a servant posted at the door to warn her when WWX woke so she could throw some verbal abuse at him. I mean, she must have been missing it.

And JFM’s misogynistic bullshit strikes once again, because why defend ALL your kids when you can insult your wife.

(Every time someone berates WWX for “intervening” I want to scream. I mean, seeing this I can believe why the society as a whole thought genocide was a good idea.)

I love how they use their kids as props in their fight, I mean it’s not like they have feelings or anything. This woman is gaslight-y as hell too “you don’t love your kid because I gave birth to him”, you can’t tell me saying that in front of the son she’s supposed to love isn’t going to hurt him. And she knows it, I mean, besides the Wen attack I’ve never seen her hit the kids (although I very much doubt she hasn’t), so a good part of the abuse must be verbal. There’s no fucking way a person who regularly uses words that way won’t realise where she’s aiming those arrows. Which means to her (to both) the kids are collateral.

But FR, the barely-out-of-adolescence disaster bi necromancer PTSDing all over the place and living in a mass grave was a better parent than any of the current adults in this thing.

Which brings me to another point, Shijie is textbook “the oldest sibling is just another parent” and I’m making myself very angry.

[this is when I start frothing at the mouth and itching to write a modern-girl(and friends)-dropped-in-CQL because someone has to be a positive adult influence in these kids’ lives and it sure as shit ain’t the ones in the actual show.]

CAN WE STOP BRINGING PEOPLE’S DEAD PARENTS INTO THE FIGHT?

*deep breath*

I am going to feed JFM & Mme Yu each other’s spleens. Look, listen, look and listen, let’s first talk about how calmly they lay out the facts of their lives, one is only loved because he’s been brought up in the shadow of his dead parents, the other knows with certainty his father dislikes him and his mother uses him as leverage in marital disputes. When have these two not exploded their emotions all over the place? Fucking never. Yet here they are, talking about this bullshit like some bout of inconvenient weather. They’re used to it!

And now let’s talk about yet again siblings-are-just-extra-parents, with an added pile of WWX’s terrible self awareness that, to the man who brought him up, his worth is due to his dead parents. Again I’m extrapolating, but with the amount of times Mme Yu brings up his parents in such a negative light I refuse to believe JFM hasn’t made all the “you’re so much like your parents” comments to him every time WWX does something right. I mean, telling an orphan about their parents if they ask is a good thing, but WWX seems starved for stories about his them, which leads me to believe JFM refuses to talk about the topic except to make those little comments. What a fucking stellar way to give someone all the trauma if you ask me. May also explain a lot of WWX’s self worth issues if the biggest praise he’s ever heard is that he resembles dead people, yes, people who were loved, but they’re dead, and it doesn’t look like any adult has bothered to go and differentiate WWX from ZSSR&WCZ.

I’m just really mad, despite all the silly anecdotes I put in here my parents are fucking great at parenting, so I know what good parents should look like, and this ain’t it.

Ok, so I made myself angry and I don’t know if I should move onto the next episode now or wait till tomorrow but thanks for reading!

#the untamed #cql #mdzs #mdzs live action #foxglove watches cql #foxglove watches the untamed #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #jiang yanli #jiang cheng #yunmeng shuangjie #yunmeng trio #yunmeng siblings #yunmeng bros #Foxglove is hella mad #good parenting? Less likely than you think

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iamanartichoke · 5 years ago

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Why do you feel that way about fandom? (In regards to your latest reblog)

Ah, I’m not sure if I know how to explain it, but I’ll try. (This got long, so I’m really sorry.)

The thing is, I first got into the Loki fandom early in 2018, so I’m coming up on about two years of being active here. That first year was so fun and exciting; I was elated to be able to discuss my Loki theories and meta with like-minded people, and I was so happy (and surprised!) at the attention my fic was getting.

I was also still at a point where I believed IW was going to blow our minds, so there was that extra kind of thrill of suspense (and a bit of fear but, when you believe in the MCU and haven’t yet lost faith in its writers/directors, the fear is surface-level and adds to the thrill - there’s not really the accompanying dread and despair).

IW was a crushing blow to that, of course, but even though we were all devastated, we were all devastated as a fandom. We were still in it together; we had one another to vent to and cry with and share fic with. “Loki is alive bc reasons” became kind of an unwritten rule in most post-IW fics; we all agreed that Loki deserved better.

In 2019, two things happened: one, I was underemployed and dragging my feet on finding better employment due to my mental health, which ruined my life for a little while. I had to move back in with my parents, which (I love them and am grateful they were willing to support me, but) was a toxic environment. I was too depressed to indulge in my escapism the same way (fic and fandom) and my progress on my stories slowed way down. I’ve never quite been able to get back the momentum I had when writing Sanctuary, but that’s another issue.

The second thing that happened was, obviously, Endgame came out and whatever theories and hopes the fandom was collectively holding onto about Loki were crushed. Not only that, but the portrayal of Thor seemed to amplify the divide in the fandom between the pro/anti Ragnarok argument.

It seems, to me, that what was a series of battles or skirmishes only became an all-out war after Endgame. That��s only my perception, of course, but I do feel that the latter part of 2019 saw the divide grow larger and larger. Everyone had opinions on what the “correct” portrayal of Thor was, and how it related to Loki, and whether fanon Thor and Loki’s relationship was founded in canon or not. Everyone was defensive of their own point of view; bullying and name-calling and anon hate became more widespread.

Again, this is just my observation. Those who’ve been on the front lines since Ragnarok came out probably have a much different perspective; I’m only talking about what I observed bc it directly impacts how I feel about fandom these days.

So here we are in 2020; like I said, I’ve been here about two years. I haven’t rewatched any of the Thor movies in ages (although @delyth88 and I are talking about it), because they make me so sad and also so angry. Sad for what we had, angry for what could have been. So much wasted potential. Loki’s horrific end hangs over everything, as does Thor’s radical character change, and I don’t have the same excited outlook about the characters and the meta potential anymore.

Not having watched the movies in a long time, along with that feeling of “ugh” around them, impacts me creatively bc I’m not actively feeding my writing inspiration. For me, fanfic writing comes from being so full of feels about the source material that I just can’t get enough and I need more. I draw my inspiration from things like watching Loki’s facial expressions, catching subtle moments between Thor and Loki, analyzing the way they speak, thinking about the story choices happening, and so on, and so on.

My source of inspiration has dried up, in other words, which has made it hard for me to keep a good writing momentum going. I was feeling great when I rewrote Sea, and then my inspiration kind of plummeted again - this time, bc I felt that I did such a good job rewriting and the response was so positive, I didn’t know if I could finish the rest of the story as well. Like I was already setting up the second half to fail, bc it would be much more “rough draft” than the first - revised and polished, yes, but not gone over with a fine-toothed comb the way the first part was.

The truth is, I carry a lot of stress and anxiety around my writing. I am always incredibly anxious that no one actually likes my fic, that no one is reading my fic, that people think it’s stupid or pointless, that my quirky humorous touches are ooc, that my plotlines are convoluted and boring and my sex scenes awkward and non-existent.

I’m having trouble with the Valki relationship bc I haven’t watched Ragnarok in so long, I’ve forgotten how much chemistry was between them and how it made me feel. I’ve forgotten why I chose to pair them up in this ‘verse in the first place. And I worry about that, too - that the people who read my stories for the Valki are walking away unsatisfied.

So that’s where I am with fic writing - slow and steady, still trying to find my footing, still secretly assuming what I write is shit.

This is on top of feeling more and more isolated on tumblr, mostly because of the aforementioned tensions and overall negativity that’s erupted in the fandom. I have been unfollowed and blocked by people who were once mutuals; I have been blocked by people I’ve never spoken to before.

There’s so much stress surrounding the things I post now - I’m constantly thinking, have I worded this correctly to convey my meaning without shitting on someone else’s opinion? Is this post going to be the one that makes this or that mutual unfollow me? Am I tagging correctly so my pro Ragnarok mutuals don’t see my criticism, and vice versa? Can I still post pictures of Chris Hemsworth, who is possibly the only man in the world I am definitely attracted to, which is a shame bc I agree that he’s kind of a douche now? But he’s so beautiful, but I have to disclaim that it’s just his face I’m attracted to? If I reblog this post about Loki that I think is hilarious, but is also founded on the flat stabby villain characterization, will I alienate my anti friends? Does it imply I don’t understand or appreciate Loki and that, by reblogging the thing, I’m endorsing a shitty characterization?

And so on. It makes scrolling my dashboard uncomfortable and un-fun, bc I end up saving tons of posts to my drafts without reblogging them, and after awhile I am not enjoying myself, so I stop scrolling.

But this means I miss tons of mutuals’ posts, and I was trying to check individual blogs for awhile but I kept falling further behind, and there were more and more posts I’d missed, and I’d get overwhelmed and then feel like they probably hated me anyway at this point for being a shit mutual, so I might as well just keep lurking on the dash for ten minutes and call it a day.

On top of that, I haven’t read fic in awhile bc of this mindset, so I haven’t commented, and then when I don’t get comments it’s like, well, maybe the story’s not shitty but no one’s reading it bc what do I expect when I’m not reading theirs? You’re not special, Charlotte.

The worst part about all of this is that none of it should diminish (and hasn’t diminished!) my love of Loki as a character. I am excited about the series, but I am also very anxious about it - about the story not being good, yes, but also about the inevitably divide that will further split the fandom.

No matter how the story goes, someone’s going to be upset. You can’t please everyone, and trying only makes for worse storytelling. So the wank will continue.

But I love Loki. I love everything about him. I am interested in writing about him and reading about him and thinking about him. I am invested in him and always will be. It’s just that, right now, I’m kind of falling further and further out of fandom and I find I have less to say.

And so I either have to wait it out, or work on my own mindset, or keep on keeping on. I just don’t know how long that will take or if I’m even liked enough here to try to bother.

tl;dr: Fandom has made me cynical and jaded, and it has dampened not my love of Loki, but my love of interacting with the Loki fandom.

(I know you didn’t ask for this hot garbage pile of my feelings, anon, so I’m sorry.)

#charlotte replies #a nonny mouse #fandom wank

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thoughtsofadyingsoftwaredev · 5 years ago

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First Impressions

It has been a long time since I found myself on tumblr. Because of this, I thought I’d write up a post to introduce myself, reminisce about my previous time on tumblr, and maybe figure out what I want this blog to become. (WARNING: THIS POST MAY TURN SUPER LONG. I AM SORRY BUT YOU HAVE NOW BEEN WARNED.)

TL;DR: I used to have a tumblr almost 10 years ago, now I’m back. I talk about why I was on tumblr and what has changed in almost 10 years. A lot has changed.

I mentioned I was on tumblr before, mostly active around 2011 - 2013. I had the name ‘thoughtsofadyingmusicmajor’. It is easy to guess that from 2011 - 2013 I was in college and was a music education major. I would post lyrics from various songs, ranging from baroque to romantic to contemporary. I would also post the occasional video as well, either of myself being stupid on Youtube or of a particular song or pianist (I was a piano primary). I won’t lie: 90% of the reason I posted here back then was to impress and further talk with my best friend who I went to high school with that I had been flirting with all the way up to graduation. We drifted apart when we chose to attend separate colleges. The other 10% was my genuine love for music.

I would argue me becoming best friends with her was the worst possible thing for someone like me, who does not like taking large risks. When she became my best friend and then I developed feelings for her, it suddenly felt like an all-or-nothing game: I either walk away with my best friend as my girlfriend or I lose both trying. Yes this is a bit melodramatic, but again I was a kid in love with my best friend and was not doing so hot all the same. Give me a break!

That first tumblr allowed me a chance to express my thoughts and emotions as a guy going through early stages of depression and angst over my inability to act on my feelings for this girl. It also gave me yet another platform (snapchat, texting, voxer, etc) to speak with my best friend, which brought a lot of happiness to me during some mentally rough times. I was not prepared well enough for college during high school, and especially not for the rigorous schedules music majors had to keep up with.

I would occasionally visit my best friend at her campus. I actually just looked up the distance because it felt like the divide was immeasurable, but apparently immeasurable can be summed up in a 2 hour-ish drive... Well regardless it felt like we were much farther apart.

I remember buying her gifts of her favorite things; a large plush orca, a coffee mug shaped like an owl. I remember going to the movies with her to see Warm Bodies with a couple of her other friends. I finally had the bravery needed to hold her hand in a dark room, and I was glowing. It led to this very, VERY faint intimate relationship with an occasional kiss, time spent huddled together on her dorm room bed, and not much else. The distance was a big thing at the time, especially with my own internal issues and trying to keep afloat in college. And so, like so many things that have potential, it slowly died out. She started dating a mutual friend and after that we drifted apart as friends and as anything else. (What a lengthy prologue, right?)

Right around this time, I dropped out of college due to my plummeting grades and mental health. I’d stay up until 5am and then sleep the day away, or I’d try to reset by not sleeping at all, only to have that fail as well. I moved into a small house with 5 other dudes because I had no job, had family issues, and it was either that or a homeless shelter. I did chores around the house, pawned off my more expensive possessions, and constantly searched for jobs to make sure I didn’t get thrown out.

I got drunk one night and made an OkCupid profile, where I met my fiancee. We are almost 6 years strong and I can honestly say she is the greatest thing in my life (until we can get the down payment together on a house, then the house is new bae).

Not long after we started dating, I found one, then two jobs near where she was going to university. We moved in together, she graduated, then we moved again to the northern US, where we still are.

We both found decent customer service jobs, and I used mine to pay off outstanding student loans so that I could go back to college and finally get the bachelors degree that slipped away from me the first time. Clearly, by my new name, I am in school for computer science now. I graduate in May 2020, almost 10 full years after I first set off on my own as a young adult.

My fiancee works for the local government, which was her dream job, and I am working part time as a software developer until I graduate, which will then become a full-time position.

We have a cat, a rabbit, and two turtles for pets. I do not like the turtles.

All this to say, I suppose, that things have worked out well for me. I had very grim prospects for myself way back then, but now I feel like I’m where I’m meant to be.

As for why I switched from music education to computer science? Well, three things.

Being a music major made music a chore and made me genuinely loathe playing. I did not want to have something that let me escape myself and get away to become a cage.

Music education isn’t going to pay the bills with just a bachelors. Not on its own.

I’ve only ever really been good with technology and music. So I really just had the one choice left, right?

So yeah, I’m very happily engaged, I’m finally going to have that stupid piece of paper, and I should fall into a nice job immediately after getting it. I still play piano to unwind and relax, but no longer have to use it as an escape. To anyone who may see my old tumblr name and know who I am IRL, hello! I hope that regardless of who you are or if you do or do not know me that you have a great day. Especially after reading all of this (if you did lol) -Greg

#introduction #introducing myself #first post #too long #please don't read all of this

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sazerexwritessmut · 6 years ago

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UPDATE on Hunter of Huntresses’ future... (and my writing, and my life...)

Hunter of Huntresses:

First thing I want to make clear: I’m not going to abandon the project. Like I said, I’ll write it till I feel satisfied with the conclusion. So I will update the series till I am comfortable with the ending I want––good things don’t last forever after all. Moreover, if I force myself to write, my work’s quality will suffer as well.

Writing:

I really enjoy writing. What started out as a way of productive procrastination became a full-blown series due to the many readers of my smut. I am eternally grateful to those people who support, criticize, and comment. Our interactions on Tumblr messaging (though few) and the comments section on my work have been very motivating. As Daniel Pink theorized: the best motivation for specialized laborers include autonomy, purpose, and mastery. Because of my fans, I gained a purpose, improved my mastery, yet maintained my autonomy.

However, I recently encountered my first instance of...writer’s block? Well it wasn’t a full block, more of a “I just finished my exams, my grades aren’t what I want them to be, Imma take a break.” kind of block. So yeah, I got lazy. Sorry.

But that won’t stop my commitment to finishing and completing a series, so don’t worry. What it does show, however, is how I can lose motivation quickly. As embarrassingly as it is, I’m human too. I got other hobbies outside writing, such as drawing and gaming, which I’ll discuss later. Primarily, I want to talk about me writing, in general.

A bunch of friends and I have conceptualized this...well, universe of sorts. Sort of a like an anthology or series centered around a unifying main character of sorts. Maybe if we get shit done (which two of them have already made content), I can post it here...but no promises. I like to keep my smut-writing and personal interests separate. As I said, I really like writing. So working on this shitshow may become a tragedy for smut updates. I’ll try not to let it get to that.

Fanfiction is something I want to bust into, as well. I’ve got a rough idea for a Blake x Jaune fanfic, might include smut, but more plot-centered than the smut I post. I may or may not get to it. Someone said I was like the Coeur Al’Aran of RWBY smut. I guess I’m more similar to him than I thought, especially since I like Blake’s character and want to capitalize on Jaune’s lack of character development. Blake pre-Volume 4 was one of my favorite characters for potential development mainly because of how mysterious she was.

You can skip the parenthesis text.

(I don’t really ship Bumblebee because I just physically can’t. I’m the type of straight male who can’t get off to gay porn of any sort; guy on guy, girl on girl, dickgirl on guy, dickgirl on girl, etc. I just can’t. Like a lot of straight guys talk about lesbian porn but I’m just there wondering how the fuck does that turn you on? Literally just two girls and a dildo, it’s over-complicated sexual intercourse. I don’t fuck with futanari bullshit because I think it’s the biggest turn-off for me, excluding gay male porn. So yeah, sorry if I came off as homophobic, I guess. Funny thing is, I’ve got gay friends whom I hang out with simply because we watch the same anime, read the same manga. And they don’t get the big deal about gay porn either. Some of them watches hetero-porn exclusively, like me. Anyway, I’m rambling.)

Okay parenthesis text over.

But enough about fiction and fanfiction, let’s talk about smut. I’ve got a fuckton of ideas apart from Hunter of Huntresses that I would like to write about. These include various themes and tags, such as loving sex, or tentacles, BDSM, and even NTR. While some of these aren’t most people’s cup of tea, I want to write what I want to write––I’ve got ideas for stuff like Naruto, The Incredibles, and others. My next work would most definitely be Mass Effect content. Look forward to that once I slow down on Hunter of Huntresses a bit. I do have a bunch of outlines for more RWBY smut as well, so those who came for fics about Jaune dicking girls down, rejoice. I still have a few independent and not-so independent ideas from Hunter of Huntresses. Like for example, Ren fucking RWBY MILFS set in a stereotypical American high school setting.

Life:

I’ve got a shitload of free time...in a sense. My college days tentatively start in August, and right now I just need to watch out for Graduation practice from my high school and Evaluation Exams in May. That means I can update more, right?

Meh.

I’ve got hobbies and social life too––the former including drawing and gaming. I’ve recently picked up drawing again, a hobby I put off for two whole years due to enrolling into a much harder high school curriculum––something I slightly regret due to how shitty the curriculum was executed by my school. I literally did not have a Physics teacher for eight class sessions. What the fuck. So now I got back into drawing, both traditional and digital, mainly because of a girl I met who totally whipped me and I may or may not have a slight crush on her because she’s probably the most perfect girl I’ve met and I’m praying this attraction isn’t fatal but holy shit I’m drawing just to impress her.

As for gaming, I play League of Legends a lot. People say it’s cancer, I tell them it isn’t cancer if you’re playing with the right friends. And let me tell you: losing streaks with friends is far more fun than having a solo winning streak. I used to spend all night gaming, sleeping at two in the morning on weekends. This stopped when I enrolled in the aforementioned curriculum. I consciously made an effort to study harder and quit League of Legends, and it paid off, mostly.

TL;DR and Synthesis:

So overall, these are the factors which may affect the future of my writing ‘career’ or something: other writing pursuits, and other hobbies, and the upcoming college freshman year in August.

P.S. Don’t worry about my mental health, ayt? I’m fine, really. I’ve known suicidal people who have actually attempted self-harm, and trust me, the problems I have aren’t ones that would actually make me kill myself. I’ve got a lot of things going for me right now. As Papa Franku detested, I am “high on life, I don’t need to get high on drugs”.

Sorry if the post got a bit rant-y or smth. I just needed to explain shit to the fullest.

#sazerex #update #hunter of huntresses #rwby #the future

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today-only-happens-once · 6 years ago

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In which Grae talks for way too long about how much the fanders mean to her

Somehow, for some reason that I don’t understand... 1500+ of you follow me now. Why you follow this frequently frazzled writer, I do not know. But I am grateful. I am so deeply, deeply grateful for you and that you’re here. I’m... speechless. I’m honored. I hope that whatever content you’re enjoying here, I’m able to keep producing it/reblogging it/sharing it with all of you.

The rest of this post is going to be very long and emotional and honest. I OVERSHARE A LOT IN THIS IM SORRY. Once I got talking/writing, it was hard to stop until the end.

tl;dr version: I platonically love all you fanders so freaking much, and you’ve all done more for me than you realize.

I found Thomas Sanders’ content on YouTube in part because a blog I followed for Supernatural turned into a fanders blog, and I never unfollowed them because I just enjoyed their presence on my dash. One day last fall, I had some time to kill and thought I’d find out what this “Sanders Sides” business was all about. And I enjoyed it well enough. I watched when the 12 Days episode aired. I still wasn’t really part of the fandom, though, and hadn’t watched much of his videos other than that. I was a “casual fan”, I guess.

Then during that last-few-days-of-January/first-few-days-of-February week, I had a rough week. I had been in a relationship for over 5 years with a guy I loved very much, and the relationship disintegrated in the course of a week and I felt pretty blindsided by it. It was... not a good time for me. I was crying at least once every day, having a hard time focusing in my classes, hated going to sleep because I wanted to keep myself busy and my mind occupied, etc. When I finally pushed him for an answer instead of holding the relationship in “I don’t know if I want a relationship anymore” limbo, he broke up with me.

During that week, I’d found myself turning a bit towards the Sides as a way to cope and work through it all. And a few days after the break-up... well, I’m still not quite sure how it happened, exactly. Maybe it’s because later that same day was when Thomas posted the “Can Lying Be Good??” video. Or maybe it was going to happen either way. But I just... fell into the fanders here on tumblr. I hadn’t been using my supernatural blog much anymore, and decided to revamp it into a fanders one.

It’s been one of the best decisions I could have made for myself. And that’s because of you.

Any break-up is hard. I had never been through one before. And the longer the relationship is, the harder ending it can be. Especially when it isn’t mutual, and you don’t see it coming. Heartbreak like that isn’t something that is easy to put into words. Healing from that is something I am still learning how to do. But you have helped me with it. More than you know.

This is probably more of my “fanders story” so to speak than any of you really cared to know. But it felt important to me to at least try to explain where I was coming from emotionally when I fell into this fandom’s arms. Because landing here meant and means something really important to me.

Finding the fanders has meant landing softly into the most warm, supportive, and protective group of people I have ever seen online. The positivity here, the support of one another, the reassurances you all give to one another--have given to me--means more to me than I believe I am capable of expressing in a singular post. My dearest fanders, I found you when I needed you most, and I will never stop being grateful for you. Each and every one of you that works to make and keep the fanders the kind of environment that has helped me and loved me and supported me.

Even when I recently learned that my ex is now engaged to another girl already (I had known they were close friends and now suspect something... more may have been occurring), you all were there. I’m still working through some things emotionally, but just... you’re all there. Even by just carrying on as normal... “normal” in the fanders is what keeps me moving forward. You all help remind me that there are kind, good, and sincere people out there. You keep me from turning completely cynical. You’ve helped remind me to be... soft. You all remind me that softness and kindness in the face of hard times can sometimes be the best and most important thing. And that’s made a huge impact in my life. It just has.

You all also did a lot to help me feel at home with things I learned about myself that I was afraid to admit to before. I suspected I was demisexual for... a long time. But I kept shoving the thought away, telling myself that it didn’t matter anyway because I was in a committed relationship with someone I loved and was attracted to so what did it matter? (Note to past self: you are allowed to want to know who you are regardless of your relationship status) I had had a few hard conversations with people that, only in hindsight, probably should have tipped me off that I was demi. But like I said: I kept telling myself it didn’t matter. Or that everyone felt attraction the way I do (another note to past self: they don’t).

But after the break-up and seeing how accepting and supportive and loving this community of fanders are... it helped me feel more at ease with myself and my sexuality. And now June, Pride Month, is about to start. And even though I’m not out to anyone but tumblr, my sister, one friend, and a table of a random LGBT+ people at the ace awareness table during my college’s pride week... I do feel proud of who I am. And that’s in large part because of you all.

I cannot stress enough how much of a difference you make to others. You’ve all helped me and inspired the best in me, and helped me accept myself in ways I hadn’t wanted to before falling in with all of you. And whether we’re friends or I’ve never talked to you before, if you’re part of this community? You’ve made this difference to me.

I love you all so much. And with my entire heart, know that I am grateful for you. You specifically.

#this got long and really freaking personal wow #tw break-up #fanders appreciation #don't feel like you all have to read the whole thing #i mean you can if you want to #i just talk about my personal life a lot because i felt like it was important?#ksnf;sdfn

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spockandawe · 7 years ago

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So you’ve heard Spock is the actual literal devil

Have you heard that I’m a terrible person? A plagiarist? Have you been told that I’m only into transformers at all because I wanted to make this one random guy unhappy? If you’ve been told that, you’ve probably also been told that a year and a half later, I’m still making fanworks just to upset him. You might have even heard that shhhh, don’t disagree with Spock on anything, or they’ll hunt you down and harass you.

Right, okay. This is one hell of a saga that I will attempt to tell in as compressed a form as possible. It’s a lot. Years ago, back in HS, there was this one guy who policed the hell out of one of the character tags. I’m going to call him C. He’d pressure people not to make the content they were making, decry the hateful people reading with a malicious eye who thought the character would ever do anything bad (the character was a creep). And because being obnoxious wasn’t bad enough, if you didn’t cave to his demands, he just might do things like start whisper campaigns about how you support rape, casually out you as a survivor, cute little things like that.

This is not a story about that guy.

This is a story about C’s one-time attack dog, eventual boyfriend, and current ex. We’ll go ahead and call him R. I’ve tried real hard to avoid namedropping on my blog before, but could people find him from this? Probably. Have I stopped caring? Absolutely.

TL;DR, unsubstantiated accusations of serial harassment are a little questionable when they’re coming from someone with a years-long, extensively documented history of serial harassment and a personal grudge against me.

Cut for length.

Edit 7/2/2017: R has posted that he regrets making these posts about me, and admits that he said things that were out of line. And he’s stated that he’s going to try to do better in the future. I genuinely, truly appreciate that. I’m leaving this post up because there have been lies about me floating around for a while and I reserve the right to defend myself, but I really do appreciate that.

Oh balls, none of this makes sense without backstory (I’m so sorry)

If you think I suck or my work sucks, that’s fine! You do you, go enjoy the things that make you happy.

If you think I’m the devil because this one guy told you about my evil, evil past and all my terrible misdeeds, without anything at all to back up his words? You can ask me. I don’t bite, and oh lordy do I have receipts.

To be clear, R is totally allowed to hate me! I don't care. I don't care if he hates my writing, I don't care if he hates me as a person. But now he's escalated to spreading lies about me, and people are believing him, and I’m not enough of a doormat to let that just stand.

And I’m going to cheat a little. Here’s a memo with the cliffs notes version (not the original memo, I made a copy with C’s urls cropped out since he hasn’t attacked anyone in a long while). Warning, digging any distance into this turns up violent fantasies, violent sexual fantasies, creepy interactions with a minor, and lots more, it’s all really, really unpleasant. Evidence is thoroughly documented, please tread with care.

You would not believe how truncated that is compared to the reality.

Now, the worst of this came via C. Who has calmed down a lot these days, and I’m really happy that’s the case. Good for him. I hope his life continues in a direction where he doesn’t find it necessary to do this stuff.

Lucky for me, R was standing by to pick up the slack.

It doesn’t show up as much in the memo, which is mostly C-focused, but R was standing by C this whole time, defending his right to spread around private information about someone’s abuse history, sending nasty messages on the other guy’s behalf, and much,much more. it’s long, it’s awful, it’s unpleasant. R personally hurt people in some significant ways that I don’t want to link directly, for their sake. He expressed deep remorse a few times, but it never stuck.

Here’s my personal favorite quote from R. He’s speaking to the CSA survivor that C casually outed (with information given to him in confidence), and who they’d been running a long, long whisper campaign against, and who was understandably a bit upset over the whole thing:

oh go wank to your own tears [name]

#and get your sympathizers to help #nasty fucking people #maybe if you cry enough youll be able to go into second grade in the fall #ooc

Said, again, to a CSA survivor they outed and harassed. That person is such a sweetheart, and this screencap still infuriates me.

The first time I saw C pick a fight he had lots of friends. Shockingly, as he did things like loudly fantasize about how he wants to mutilate people and rant about how autistic people should die, those friends mostly drifted away. I know one person had a friend even help them stage a faux relationship-ending fight, so they could be sure they’d be able to completely cut and run from C. R stuck with him, though. Eventually they even started dating.

‘Spock followed R into transformers to harass him and stalks his favorite characters just to harass him more’

Then, transformers. Here, let me show you the first post (by R) that ever brought MTMTE to my attention. I spent years being aggressively uninterested in transformers, but this caught my eye

and honestly, ppl (adults too!!!) shipping someone who has the mentality of a child and is quite glaringly lacking a world of experiences and general understanding of things outside of ‘good’ and ‘bad’, with an adult, is just. very alarming and gross to me.

and honestly, the fact that there is a large portion of people who want him to become romantically (and sexually!!!) involved with either one of two fucking adults in canon, and hell, esp those defending it with ‘hes an adult too tho!!’ is really gross.

you can pretend all you want that hes ‘an adult’ because his body is, but theres no way jro didnt intent to code him as a child. stop fetishizing children lmao,

#pedophilia -/-/- #cygate -/-/- #if someone comes at me screaming ‘rule 38′ im gonna shove them in a locker

I didn’t know transformers, but I was pretty sure this was some straight-up bullshit.

(but don’t worry, he ships it now! no hypocrisy here, no sir)

It’s “really gross” to ship this adult with other adults. Mm. Given the reasonableness of the claims these guys have made in the past, and given their extensive history of harassing people over those claims, I hopped to the wiki to check it out. I read a bit about the comic and the plot, and all of it sounded so fascinating that I just had to give the comic a try.

Reader, I married it.

I shotgunned MTMTE 1-47 in two days, started doing fanworks right out of the gate, and I’ve never looked back. A lot of my art was cygate, because come on, the comic wants you to ship it so bad, my first readthrough ended with issue 47, and that was the first ship I’d ever read about for the series, even before I dove in.

Now, both these characters punch me right in the heart, in some painfully personal ways. Tailgate’s the more relevant one here, but I don’t even know if I could do justice to the emotions both of them give me.

I’m still not a fan of how R’s lies about me have edged me into needing to say this in public, but okay. I’m developmentally delayed. It’s been a rough ride. And Tailgate hits me in some of those spots so hard it just takes my breath away. I’ve got a lot of baggage over not being a real adult, and not in the funny oh-no-how-do-taxes-work way, more like an extended months-long meltdown my first year of college because I can tell that my friends are years ahead of me and I don’t know how to even start catching up, and just existing, as myself, is humiliating.

All of my relationship milestones have come painfully, painfully late. The whole thing is still one awful emotional bruise. I hate it, and I hate how easy it is to convince myself that yeah, of course you don’t actually deserve to be treated as an adult and you never will. Just look at you. So then it is unbelievably important to me that I can see someone someone who is like me, being treated as a legitimate adult, and being able to have an adult relationship.

Hearing that shipping someone like me is essentially pedophilia is the opposite of that.

But he ships it now, so everything is fine :)

Yeah, you know what? Another fucking receipt.

uGHGH im so tired of all the rabid cy// /gat// //e fans like even cy’s giving em a look like ‘leave my fucking child alone’

#i just #im hoping jro has some taste tho and doesnt make an adult date a child #and if not im hoping the outcome blows over soon bc im so tired of seeing people defend pedophilia #pedophilia -/-/-

Parental.

This continued even after JRO explicitly confirmed Tailgate was an adult.

Bonus ableism: shipping Whirl (another character who hits me way too hard) isn’t okay either. Even though there isn’t the excuse of ‘but he only lived three years--’ No, at that point, you’re saying that an adult who fails to adult correctly does not count, and isn’t allowed to have romantic relationships. It makes my skin crawl, and it is an issue which is very personally and directly important to me.

So some of my cygate was porn from the start (it’s what I write. it’s what I draw.), and some of the porn was made because I was upset over discourse that says someone like me needs to be treated as a child. I played with cywhirlgate too, because omg how could I not, and some of that was porn as well. It was ages ago, so I don’t remember the details for every little thing I made. But when I saw someone saying that Cyclonus and Tailgate had a parental relationship, I’m sure that helped nudge me in that direction. Maybe R thinks I should have channeled my emotions by starting a whisper campaign to exclude him from fandom spaces. But I think my way of working through bad emotions might have been a little healthier than that.

So when R accuses me of making cygate content to spite him? Half true. Just true enough to be real fucking dishonest. R spent a nice long time insisting that cygate was pedophilia. I channeled my outrage over that ableism into fan creations.

I didn’t attack him. I talked about him some – on a private forum, with people who’d already been aware of him and had been watching him and C hurt people for years, plural. I haven’t told people on tumblr any real details about him until now. And R still is happy to talk about how it was his toxic ex’s right to post torture/rape/murder porn vent fic about actual people.

Tell me, how exactly am I in the wrong?

Bonus pettiness: I posted some cywhirlgate porn. The next day, R vaguely whined about robot pedophilia and turned around and wrote some obviously-a-response cywhirlgate. Where it was super platonic and the text explicitly said it was super platonic and it even had platonic thigh nuzzling. With two “children” involved. Of course I turned around and wrote more fic of my own, because jesus h christ that made my skin crawl. You want to play this game? I guarantee I can write faster than you, let’s do this. (he did not follow through on that)

I’d also like to say that forgetting inconvenient little details like this is a thing with R. Hard to call me terrible for writing spitefic when you write it yourself.

A history of Spock’s personal involvement

Let’s backtrack a tiny bit. You may notice I am up to my elbows in this nonsense for no clear reason.

I was friends with some of the people C was taking shots at, and I was unfortunate enough to believe his original smear campaign about that one artist (I’m still ashamed about that). I cared about a number of people C was trying to hurt. I think one or two fanworks of mine upset him, but he already had loads of targets. I kept tabs on him and R, because anxiety is the gift that just keeps giving.

Eventually, C fantasized about wanting to put my former datemate’s hand through a meat grinder (ey wrote a fic that portrayed his fave in a negative light). And R defended his right to do that.

The person he posted about is still feeling the effects of that incident. I’m still feeling the effects of that. And it wasn’t even directed at me, just someone I care deeply about.

R has recently posted that ‘oh my goodness, C sure was awful, remember when he posted this thing about a meat grinder and how unreasonable it was?’ Thanks buddy, glad you noticed, now just go ahead and keep on blaming me for the aftereffects of what your boyfriend did, and what you defended.

After that, it was months before I could properly look away from either of their blogs.

C posted extensively about trying to track down the street address of his ~enemies~ (including the one whose genitals he fantasized about mutilating). He posted about how autistics should die. He had skype chats about wanting to do amateur brain surgery on people. All while posting very often about finding real addresses.

Yeah, it’s more than a year later, and every so often I get a stab of anxiety and have to head off to double check on what these two are up to.

I will repeat that C has been pretty chill lately. He’s got a career he’s aiming for. Good for him, go find success, please don’t slip back into being an internet bully. It’s sad and upsetting to see R echoing some of the early patterns of his ex, and it’s so strange to see me labeled as his own personal enemy.

‘Spock will totally come harass you too’ and/or various accusations of ableism

So there are some things I did in the mix in this history that I regret. Occasionally, I went out and flipped through the blogs of C and R’s friends, seeing if maybe they’d had said something in their notes, did they have any vagueblogs C liked, did they post about— It got unreasonable. I admit that. Anxiety was at the root of it, but it absolutely got unreasonable. And also it is a massive time sink, and I can’t remember the last time I bothered with it. I enjoy life much more when anxiety and paranoia issues don’t have their claws in me. This hasn’t been an issue in a very long time.

I came down hard on some of the kinfeels and system stuff too, which I do walk back a bit. C’s approach was… hahaha. It was something. And he was my intro to the kin and system paradigms. I saw R talking about C’s approach being unreasonable too, pretty recently. So that was an unfortunate bit of poison in how I processed the next people I met who did that sort of thing. I don’t do kin stuff, but I get it. And DID may not strictly apply to all systems, by the formal diagnostic criteria, but I’ve learned there are plenty of other dissociative disorders out there. And I met people who were multiples and who did kin things that weren’t these two guys. Which helped a LOT.

But the big one, hmmm. C wrote a fic. The idea was interesting, but the execution frustrated me. Everyone but the main lead felt so… flat. Everyone was constantly cruel to the main, for no reason. I saw a way to riff on the original text while staying true to its shape, and writing my bad emotions out is also a major, major thing I do to cope. Now, my big thing is that I should have asked before I remixed. I’d been thinking in terms of, y’know, transformative fanworks. Even with authors like Anne McCaffrey and Anne Rice, who fought against fandom, people have still felt that it should be allowed, even against their wishes. So I wrote the remix. I gave full credit on ao3 in the ‘inspired by’ box, linked to the original with positive words, the whole shebang.

The guy was still furious, and… that’s fair. I thought I’d written a thing on self-sabotage that was pretty sympathetic and compelling, and the self-sabotage actually drew a lot on my own personal history. But I gave the main flaws he strongly disagreed with, and I didn’t ask for permission. I get why he was/is angry over it.

I’ve been a fixture on their shitlists ever since :P

It’s remarkable, even while R posts now about ‘oh my god, remember how C wrote the creepiest things?’, I’m still the one who’s the the actual worst, for being skeeved out by the creepy things and finding a constructive way to deal with it. R’s controlling ex gets full freedom when it comes to vent fic, even when it’s about wallowing in torturing, raping, and murdering an avatar for a real person (the original one they harassed!), or punching someone in the face until they agree to be your friend (another artist these guys targeted). But R’s position seems to be that only C is allowed to vent (even if it’s genital mutilation fantasies), and I’m definitely not.

Oh, and R has now expanded this remix into me totally having a consistent pattern of stealing ideas and plagiarism and so many remixes that are obviously done as revenge on anyone who pisses me off. So that’s nice.

So R hates your writing. Is that seriously why this post exists?

Ha, no. Let’s look at the concrete things R is saying. Here, let me post a little sampling of evidence.

These aren’t just things he’s shouting into the void, people have responded saying wow, I never knew that! These are lies that people are believing about me. And then yesterday, June 30, 2017, he warned a friend not to disagree with my meta, or I’d come harass them. A friend I’m aggressively leaving out of this, just as I’m leaving out other responses, because these people don’t deserve to be dragged into R’s bullshit.

Let’s have bullet points. Some of these are the silly spock-is-bad-at-writing complaints. Those are here because this whole mess is pretty fucking depressing and the ridiculous claims make me laugh, but these are all things he says.

Spock is evil – You know what, he’s not calling people pedophiles, which is a step up. I’ll take it.

Spock is a plagiarist – I remixed one fic with full credit, said only good things about the original, and linked to it in extra places so that people would have extra opportunities to click through and check it out. I arguably remixed inappropriately, but that’s not the same thing. Words have definitions. If I’m a plagiarist, so is everyone who’s ever written a fanfic.

Spock is something something mean when people disagree – I don’t even know, man. I’m actually shockingly conflict-averse. Is this because I make walls of text and explain why I hold opinions at great length? I enjoy talking about a thing I love. I’m autistic, I’m hyperverbal, and this is my special interest, so is it that I talk a lot? That’s the best I can do. I’ve talked about things I disagree with on a private forum, in which case mister pot has had a lot of fun in public on twitter, not only talking shit, but also spreading outright untruths. Maybe he wants to rethink this one.

Spock will come harass you if you disagree – You need to back the heck down, pal.

Spock’s meta/fic/characterization is bad and they should feel bad – Hahaha, fite me. He won’t, because I can articulately defend myself at significant length, and his criticisms seem to stop at ‘spock sucks’, but hey.

Spock used ableist language about Whirl - I... what? This one confuses me and makes me laugh so it stays here. Also, holy double standards, batman.

Spock is only into transformers to harass R – I checked out transformers because I was pretty sure R was being disgustingly ableist (he was). I stayed in transformers because I adore it. I had to adore it a lot to make me willing to share fandom space with these two. My god, I have better things to do with my life than spend all my time on something that bores me just to annoy one asshole on the other side of the internet. I’d ask if he thinks I spent dozens of painstaking hours cross-stitching Starscream just to bother him, but….. yep, pretty sure he does.

Spock goes after all of R’s favorite characters to upset him – R latches on to just about every interesting and/or sympathetic character that shows up. When he was dating C, they covered most of the cast between them. I don’t care who R likes best because I don’t agree with his opinions. I tend to stay away from his opinions because I don’t like reading things that bother me. This is asnine. I’m only allowed to like the characters R despises, I guess.

Spock makes fanworks for things R likes just to make him see them – Oh my god, I don’t caaaaaare. I write about things that interest me, unless I’m venting. Say, venting about the way R and his ex have deliberately hurt a shockingly high number of people I care about. ‘Spock made rodistar because I liked it--’ I made it because I wrote a thing about their parallels, and shipping was the obvious next step. R isn’t that important to me. Promise.

This is just exhausting, man. The anxiety bugs had been dying down, and it had been ages since I checked out this guy’s anything. C, who drove the whole initial blowup that led to this, has been quiet and chill on tumblr. But R has learned from his ex’s old example and has been having fun spreading lies about me.

In conclusion

Some fun history.

R was 18 when he told a CSA survivor upset about being outed and harassed to wank using their tears for lube.

He was older than that when he defended C’s right to post about wanting to mutilate someone’s genitals (for the crime of saying C’s logic didn’t make sense).

He was older than that when he complained about that person’s spouse being ‘vicious’ for reacting badly to C’s genital mutilation fantasy.

He was older than that when he nodded along as C called autistic people retards and said they should die.

He was older than that when he talked about being happy that someone he disliked was triggered, and nodded along when C fantasized about that person drinking bleach.

And he was older than that when he defended C, his twenty-something boyfriend, against the thirteen-year-old that C had been having incredibly inappropriate conversations with, despite skype log proof and everything.

And despite all this, I’m still the bad guy, because I didn’t think what they were doing was okay. I’m the bad guy for being upset by C's actions, even though... R is now upset by C’s actions. The ways I responded to C were inexcusable. My only motivation is to hurt people. Every thing I did that ever upset them still means I’m terrible, even though R is saying this while he’s busy posting about how awful C is. And this all means that he needs to warn his friends not to catch my attention, or I’ll come harass them.

So, I’m tired.

I’m very tired.

I’m glad he’s trying to grow past that history. Good. Maybe he can do that without making up a story about how I’m unrepentant villain who lives for villainy and who only takes joy in causing him pain. I’m sure it helps him, because it’s a story that brushes aside the shit he did that he regrets, and makes his past less painful to think about. But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with him telling lies about me.

I don’t know why I’m the one boogeyman he has left (I kid, it’s because I’m in transformers, and because he thinks I’m popular. he harps on it a lot, and it’s weird for everyone). I mean, whatever. I’ve aggressively avoided publishing drama details on here for a very long time. But there are two blog tags, miscellaneous other untagged blog content, three forum threads, and hundreds of pages of skype logs with hard evidence of this bullshit.

I’m pretty sure that if he tries to defend himself, one, he’ll place some blame on his ex. That’s fair. C was pretty darn controlling and demanding. But R is still absolutely responsible for his own actions, and is especially responsible for the harm he personally caused. He’ll talk about how it’s bullshit to pull up all these receipts from so very long ago. In that case, his receipts for me (whatever he even has) are equally old, so aren’t they null and void? No, because Spock is the devil. And it’s not so much bullshit if he’s clearly learned nothing, and has gone back to spreading outright falsehoods about people.

To be clear, a lot of the lies he told about me were told a while back. Weeks to a few months to a year. I was letting it sit, because I’d really, really hoped this was over. Yesterday, June 30, 2017, he warned a friend not to publicly disagree with my meta or I’d come and harass them.

It’s been three years since I first saw him doing this. I’ve watched him hurt a lot of people, and I’ve watched him admit, multiple times, that he has hurt people. I thought he’d learned to stop following these toxic patterns. Apparently he has not.

Edit 7/2/2017: To repeat the edit up above, R has said he regrets posting these things about me, and that he's going to try to avoid slipping into this in the future. I very much appreciate that.

#drama tag #abusaa tag #tw: all #i can't list them all it's too many #just tread with care

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inkyxdevil-blog · 7 years ago

Note

The theme looks cool... But the fade at the bottom of the important bit, where the blog is, makes it hard to read. I don't know if it's just me but the enphasis is more on the theme then the content. I'm not intending to be mean, this is meant to be constructive.

🖋 ┊◸ OOC ;; Oh no!! You’re fine. The fact that you told me specifically what was wrong helped a ton!! I put it under a read more, and a possible solution?? but if this isn’t what you’re talking about let me know!! I also kinda rambled. sorry about that. And like I probably said a million times. I’m not trying to be rude. This stuff is just- stuff I want to be out in the open. I really do appreciate the constructive criticism though.

Okay so, please know that I’m not being mean back like??? answering this??? I’m just trying to make sure. I’m still learning HTML so like im learning how to do all of this.

If you’re talking about that part, if you just keep scrolling you can read. And like, once you get to the end of a page they give enough of a gap so that it doesn’t fade anything important, like so!

See? There’s plenty gap so that the fade doesn’t affect the actual content. I mean use the candle in the background as reference. It’s starts fading around the base of it, but the bottom one (which is the bottom of the page) doesn’t end till the flame, which is a good distance above the base of the candle.

As for it seeming like im focusing more on the theme than the content, that’s because i’m trying to learn how to edit things, as well as HTML. Like, it’s a growing process, and I want to be good at it. Honestly, I’m really proud when I make aesthetically pleasing things. I’ve had blogs like THIS ONE and THIS ONE that I just use a basic theme on, and all is well. I just want to improve my editing skills and learn how to make things based on a theme (both as a tumblr website theme as well as a subject matter within the edit). That’s why I made my icons the way I did. It’s also teaching me patience and working with what I have. I’m kinda having to teach myself.

And, well sometimes I have a muse but not to write. I’ve kinda been in a lull cause I’ve been watching thread tracker and about 15 of the 50 things I have written for people have been answered (That’s a rough estimate, i mean cause some people it’s only been a day or 2 and i’m not that impatient ). Not pressuring anyone to answer, and I’m certainly not blaming you nonny, but it kinda makes me not wanna write. So I’ve been doing other stuff with Bendy.

But some of my best friends like @elegansproelior / @regiisxheres && @grimlyboned / @rickslaughter have been my best friends for a long time, and I’ve kinda always looked up to the editing skills that they have. They both are FANTASTIC writers as well. Like god damn do Nessa and Rabbit know how to write. I look up to their writing and their edits. I guess in a way I’m trying to replicate them, but also be independent and myself?? That’s why I talk about this theme so much. Cause I did it 100% myself. Sure, not the base code, but the editing, the theme making, and general making a theme. And honestly? It’s the first time I’ve done this myself. And I’m like hella proud and I wanna make it the best it can be.

And if you mean just- on the site in general rather than on my emphasis i’ve had on posts recently, I go back to I’m just trying to improve a little on my editing. And while this isn’t necessarily a defense, I’m certainly not the only one who edits like this. In fact, my edits still pale in comparison to others. Some backgrounds are much more spectacular and more professionally edited than mine. I simply put Bendy in the background, and added some overlays. I’m on that web page a lot, and honestly I don’t want it to look boring for me. From looking through things, constantly trying to find errors, rereading threads, looking at my verses, and listening to my autoplay to write, I kinda want something that I don’t mind staring at and that I can be proud of. And it all comes back to me just wanting to grow and learn new things like HTML and Photoshop.

But all and all, like I feel you. I kinda am emphasizing on it more recently, but that’s cause it’s one of the only things i feel like fixing and answering??? IDK, I hope I didn’t sound mean with that, just trying to give my defense for it? IDK. I’m probably way taking it too far, and for that I apologize.

I guess TL;DR: The fading IDK how to fix, and the theme focusing is cause that’s all I’ve felt like doing recently.◿

#🖋 :: Anonymous :: 🖋#🖋 :: Fan Mail :: 🖋#🖋 :: OOC :: 🖋#🖋 :: Mun Rambles :: 🖋#🖋 :: Save :: 🖋

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sassyhottubstrawberry-blog · 7 years ago

Text

Estimate on car insurance for this car?

"Estimate on car insurance for this car?

Okay, I'm looking to get a used 350z for my sixteenth birthday. I know car insurance is going to be really high for it being a sport car and for me being only 16, but I'd like an estimate to see where I'm going with this and I'm not sure how to do it myself. :) Here's a link to the car: http://www.nissanusa.com/z/index.html

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://averageinsurancecosts.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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i got an 05 Mercedes-Benz c320 ma-tic its my first car and im 18 i am paying 350$ a month and its with my mom on her plan. Any ways to get it cheaper i been driving for probably 6 months if i keep getting no speeding tickets and no accidents it will go down every year and i also think i will only drive 3,000 miles a year if that helps anyone else out there my age what do id o?""

Car insurance. the diffrence in price?

i am looking for car insurance, and when i type in the address i am at the moment and the address i want to move in to, only thing is the house i living at seems to lower the ...show more""

Cheapest Insurance for a Yamaha R6 in the U.K?

hello, im thinking about getting my CBT and 125cc licence, because i dont want to get a 125cc bike, i want to get a 600cc yamaha r6 and restrict it to 33bhp, so that it runs like a 125, but the thing is that i dont know how much the insurance on it is going to be, as im gonna be a new biker i guess, so its scaring me, buying an r6 (second hand) alone is expensive enough. im a male, 19 turning 20 next month, i have no car or bike licence, if i buy the bike it would have done around 10000 miles and be around a 2000 model, i think r6's have a standard security system on them or something, if i had it i would put it in my room, or outside infront of my room, in the driveway, im a student studying in university and i dont have a job so moneys tight. thanks for your help!!""

Responsible Insurance company won't pay up.?

Long story short. Not my fault. The guy backed into my car. It was parked to sell it. So no insurance policy on it. My BF and I were sitting in the car out of the rain writting out a new for sale sign. The car vibrated like crazy when we drove it to move it back to my place. The guys insurance company didn't even check the alignment or add it to the estimate. The other estimates don't even include the alignment. There could be more damage. I decided to get cash to another car. I have not signed anything yet or recived the check. My car is worth about 2K. It wouldn't be worth it to fix it. Insurance Company $1013.76 Auto Body Shop $1162.00 Ford Dealership $1284.90 Les Schwab Alignment $90.00 361.14 difference. I asked to raise their quote. The Insurance company said no. If I had go to an auto body repair shop of my choice with 1013.76 they would call and ask for them to kick down more money. I am going to notify the insurance company that in writting that I am taking them to small claims court. Any ideas on the letter that I submitt? My BF and I were injured. The medical people are refusing to bill the insurance company responsible. They wanted me to pay up front and get rembursed later or have some other insurance cover it. I didn't want to wait. I used my work health insurance. So they are getting the bill. Any way I can get the Car insurance company billed?

""50% fault accident, but my insurance did not need to pay. Will my rate be affected?""

I was recently involved into an accident in a mall parking lot. My car was damaged and the other driver's car was not. I filed a claim with their insurance and received 50% of my claim as they determined comparable negligence, 50% fault . The other driver did not file a claim, and my insurance company did not pay any money to anyone. Will my rate be affected by this accident?""

""If my dad's car is insured and im under the same address, do i need insurance or can i drive the car ?

same address and the car is insured and teenage insurnce costs a lot if i get pulled over will a police officer saying anythign since the car is insured?

Does anybody have or had insurance thru esurance?

they are by far the cheapest i found for full coverage for me. i know cheaper isnt always better but i just need insurance because my car is financed. esurance isnt a very big name and i dont know anyone who actually has insurance thru them. anybody know how they are compaired to other companies?

A question regarding auto insurance?

even though I have no need of a car/cant afford one, my parents are still pushing me to get a license as soon as possible because they say it will reduce your insurance cost when I eventually do get a car, are they right? thanks""

Car insurance cost for a Infiniti g35 coupe?

I'm 18 and think of getting one, anyone know how much it might be? Oh and btw I live in Hawaii.""

Is it cheaper for me and my girlfriend to get insured on the same car?

Hello, I'm wondering If anyone could help me, I am a 17 year old that is learning to drive and am looking into insuring a car. I'm currently searching to get insured on a 2002 1.2ltr Renault Clio, and was wondering if the insurance will be cheaper if I get my girlfriend who is also 17 and learning to drive insured on the same car, I'm not sure if 2 people on the same policy makes the insurance go down or not and could really do with knowing. Thank you for your help :)""

What amount should I expect to pay for car insurance on a 2010 Camaro? I'm 18 years old.?

I am just finally getting my license. I go to the North Carolina School of Science and Math, have scored an 800 on multiple SAT Subject Tests (2190 on my SAT), and have made straight As throughout high school. I've also attended a driver's education class (while this applies more to driver's insurance instead of car insurance, I'd assume it still carries some weight). The Camaro is a 2010 V6 LT1. Am I going to have to pay like hell to afford this?""

Does insurance go up if I buy a car?

I'm 16 and I just got my license in California. My parents won't buy me a car because they think that if I get a car, my insurance rate will go up. Is this true? Or does insurance rate remain the same if i buy a car? THANKS""

19 yr olds insurance on an audi tt?

I have been driving for a year now and am going to be 19 in august. i have been looking for a new car and have narrowed it down to audi tt or a5 both 1.8t. they are both insurance group 14 or so but i cant get a quote online. would any be able to tell me how much it would roughly cost if i went on my mums insurance with 5 yrs no claims. i dont even mind having a 3rd party theft policy. thank you

How much is small business insurance?

Hi I am doing a project for school and I was wondering how much insurance is for a small business. It will be a temporary food vendor. I am looking at owner, liability, product liability, and auto insurance. I just need an estimate if you could help. Thanks!""

Hit and run but the victims car didnt have insurance?

ok so i was in a private parking lot and i accidently scratched another car i left because i was stupid and got scared. the cops came and found me the next day and i got charged with ...show more

What is the average cost for insurance on a fuel company?

homework help.

Health insurance for full time college student?

I realllyy need to see a doctor about some issues im having with my health, but the onlyproblem is i dont have insurance... Are there any affordable insurance plans i can get??.. im a full time student and i really need it.""

Doi have to provide cell phone and car insurance?

I live in georgia. My wife has asked for a divorce and has asked me to move out. We have two boys 1 and 3. I'm trying to settle things and save our marriage which prob will not happen. My ? Is...do I have to furnish her with cell phone service (in my name) and car insurance? We are both on title for car, I don't mind if I must as long as the bill is split equally...but am I required to provide her with cell phone services if she indeed wants to divorce and the phones are in my name? She has a home phone which she can conduct her business with....no money for lawyer but I'm not going to give her cell service if its what she wants?""

MemberSelect Auto Insurance?

I have AAA right now and paying way more than I should-when I told them I was switching to progressive they wanted me to check out the quotes from their new insurance company-I have to say they're very competitive but I'm leary of going with a company I've never heard of...anyone a member of MemberSelect who can tell me about their experience?

Cheapest Car Insurance Deal For A 17Year Old In The UK?

Estimate on car insurance for this car?

What insurance plan would be best for a young family that has a 5 month old?

In my Advanced Functions class, we're doing a project about insurance plans mostly which plan, basic or premium, would be better for a certain situation like a single parent or something like that. My partner and I decided to use a young family (around the ages of 24 or 25) who has a 5 month baby girl. I was wondering would a basic plan or a premium plan be better suited for them?""

What's the cheapest car insurance company?

what is the cheapest insurance company for full and liability coverage?

How will this traffic ticket affect my insurance premium?

I'm a secondary driver on both my parents' cars and on my dads motorcycle. Today, I was given a ticket for doing 117 in a 100kmh zone while trying to pass slow moving vehicles. Anyway, i'm 19 years old and this is my first ticket; how will this ticket from an ******* officer effect my insurance rates upon renewal?""

Urgent..car insurance gt expired n 3 days later my car got stolen... can i claim or can anythin be done ..help?

my car insurance got expired on 7 oct 2011 and my car got stolen on 10 oct 2011... i have never taken any claim before.. it was a swift 2 yr old car... m so sad pls suggest if anythin ...show more

How much does will my insurance pay? My car was totalled?

My car was in a serious accident, and is irrepairable. The insurance company is coming down in a day or two to check out the car. I was no at fault, police are still looking for the guy at fault. However, my car is done. Will my insurance company give me the value of replacing a car like that, like if I were to buy one again, or would they give me the book value?""

Can i get cheep insurance after being convicted of a 23140 in the California vehicle code?

I got pulled over more then a year ago and had a few beers with my best friend before he left for the armed services. I have the worlds brightest car and this probably wasn't the best idea. This happened 2 months before my 21st bday. My term to not have a licence is almost up and I am scared what my insurance is gonna look like. Does anyone know a way i can get cheep insurance or clear my driving record? Its only a infraction but will seriously mess up my life for the next 10 years. Any advice about programs insurance company s might have to lower costs so i can afford it when this period is up?

Rental Car Insurance-I don't have a auto insurance.What are the coverage i have to buy from rental company?

Hi,I'm new to US.I stay in california.I want to rent a car and confused with the insurance options.could anyone help me,what are all the coverages(LDW,SLP etc) that i need to rent a car?.I don't have a personal auto insurance.""

How much could I get a Vauxhall Astra for + Insurance?

I'm going to be driving in a couple of years and my friends brother has an Astra. I really like it and just wondering how cheap I could get one and insurance etc.

I need help finding the right health insurance?

I am 21 years old female I'm married no kids. I am having problems with my knees I can not walk without pain or swelling involved on virus knees, because of this pain I have not ...show more""

What is the average cost of hormone replacement therapy with and without insurance?

I've fianally decided to begin my transition (male-to-female) and i wanted to know what it would cost to begin HRT. I ask for both with and without insurance because i have a college based insurance plan (SHIP) and i am not sure if it will cover HRT (it covers gender identity counseling so IDK) Thank you all in advance ~<3 P.S. i live in Moscow, Idaho.""

I was a passenger in a car accident. The car was not at fault. Will my insurance go up?

Also, just to know, assuming that the car I was in had been at fault, would MY insurance go up?. Again, I was not driving.""

Where can i get a gyno check with no inrurance and very low budget?

i really need to get a check up at a gyno. for the last 5-6 months ive been having a very irregular period. i never had problems with that at all. ive heard that stress and extreme dieting could be the cause but as far as that goes i am a normal and healthy 22yr old women. its just frustrating on me and my boyfriend. eeevery month the same thing... im late for my period... sometimes up to 3 weeks. i even skipped my period for 2 month straight in january. i dont have insurance and and a very low budget as i mentioned above, so if anyone knows where i can go to or what to do pleaselet me know. :) thx!""

Do i have to notify my car insurance company?

do i have to notify my insurance company, if someone hits me from behind and their insurance is covering the damages""

Classic car insurance for 17 year olds?

currently looking for cheap car insurance for escort xr3i. Because of my age this is almost impossible but I was wondering if it is posible to be a named driver for classic car insurance on a parents policy. most classic insurers say drivers must be over 25. is there anywhere I could do this ?

How much would insurance cost for a 16 year old for a 2000 toyota corolla.?

I just got my g1 and I'm planning on buying a used car. Can someone tell me what car a beginner could start off with. But it must be cheap; budget around $1000-$3000. And if you can please tell me the price of the insurance.

Pregnant switching health insurance?

i'm going to be added to my husbands health insurance plan in november. is job told us i can't be added until then because that is there enrollment period. so i went and got my own health insurance to cover the period in between now and november (i havent actually gotten it yet, i'm still going over the details, its very expensive). anyway i wanted to know that if i get pregnant before november will i still be covered for the pregnancy when i switch to his insurance in november?... for example lets say i have health insurance and in august i find out im pregnant, then in november i switch to my husbands health insurance, will my new health insurance cover the pregnancy? thanks.""

How can I find my neighbors home insurance company?

My neighbors have a pit bull which is completely untrained and escapes from their yard on a regular basis. I have tried to talk to my neighbor telling him he needs to keep his dog in his fenced yard but he does not speak English very well and I don't believe he understands me. I do know that he owns his house. I am concerned that if his dog attacks someone that his home owners insurance won't cover it. My home insurance company told me that they would not cover a pit bull if I had one. How can I find out what insurance agency my neighbor is using so that I can find out if he has coverage for his dog (or blow him in for having a dog his insurance won't cover).

What is the average cost of car insurance for an 18 year old mail in Florida?

And which insurance company is the most affordable provider?

Recommended Car Insurance Coverage?

I'm 18 years old and have to buy car insurance for the firsr time on my one. I don't know what level of insurance to get... what's the recommended car insurance coverage amounts?

""What would a $50,000 cadillac cost per month? + insurance?""

im looking into the cadillac sts (sp=47,000 - 78,000) and i want to know the monthly cost.. $275,000 yearly income (get paid yearly).. which is about $23,000 a month combined. take into account teenager insurance which i heard can be brutal and also... would buying this car stretch my finances? i dont want my family to be uncomfortable for just a car. like someone earlier told me 1k a month for my car payment but i want to know the other estimates""

What insurance is needed in Texas to host a non-profit fundraiser?

I am in Galveston, TX and I am looking to host a large outdoor fundraiser for a non-profit organization. What type of insurance will I need to cover the event? Where can I look to find more details and how much does this insurance usually cost? Thanks!""

Temporary car insurance question?

In Which condition i can take temporary car insurance? i heard that it cannot be taken as general insurance is it true?

Car Insurance/Registration?

I have tried cancelling my car insurance twice, They keep telling me that if my car is registered with no insurance I will get fined because they have to immediatly notify the state of MIchigan when someone cancels.Apparently even if the car isn't being driven and isn't parked on the street I will get penalized for having a car registered with no insurance. Its not like I registered it without insurance(which i cant do anyway) But I cannot afford insurance right now and I dont plan on driving the car AT ALL,( its down anyway). Is this true what they are telling me or are they just trying to persuade me into keeping the insurance? And if this is true and I do cancel my registration will I have to pay the registration fee all over again?""

Insurance on an el camino?

I'm thinking of getting an el camino, late 70s or 80s, and I'm a new 17 year old driver, I was wondering what ibwould have to expect on insurance? From what I've heard it's considered a pick up, so it as close to a muscle car I can get without having to pay super high insurance, how much would decent coverage cost me with a v8? And what if I had gotten an SS model? Im not sure which one ti get and I want to know if there is a huge difference between them, obviously I won't be paying it on my own, my parents are until I get a job, so how much woukd it general cost? Considering one parent is 48 hs dropout, other is 38 graduated college, if it helps any at all. Regardless of the answer thank you for your time.""

Are you in favor of getting rid of health insurance for people with pre-existing conditions?

Estimate on car insurance for this car?

Will state farm increase my auto insurance if I get a speeding ticket??

I got a speeding ticket going 88 in a 70 in GA. Thats 2 points on my license. I was wondering if a rumor that I heard was true. Some people were telling me that they give you your ...show more

Full coverage quote $650!?!?

I got a quote online from esurance for a 2007 g6. I'm 18 and live in Michigan. I want to finance the car and was just looking at insurance quotes but this seems a little outrageous. Does it sound right to you?

Reducing Car insurance?!?

Hi, I am just curious because I know someone who does this but situation is a little different. His parents are split up so he has a car at his mother's house (where he would HAVE to be registered as primary driver) but he lives at his father's house so he only pays occasional driver's insurance even though the car is always with him. (both the father and mother have licenses however are not insured under the car in question) I am just asking if it were possible for me to do that with my grandmother for example. If I get a car registered under her name, but since I don't live with her can I pay as an occasional driver? She does not have a license. If it helps I live in Ontario, Canada. Thank you""

Which of these cars would be good for a first driver? Which one would have the cheapest insurance?

1. 2005 Ford Five Hundred 2. 2000-2005 Jeep Wrangler 3. 2000-2005 Honda Accord 4. 2007 Dodge Caliber 5. 2004-2006 Mazda 3 6. 2006-2007 Volkswagon Jetta Please Help!!!!

Someone hit my totalled car what will their insurance do to figure out how much to give me?

Do I need to buy car insurance if I am a tourist borrowing my friend's car which is insured?

I'm a tourist in the U.S, and I want to use my friend's car occasionally, her car is insured but my name is not on her insurance policy, do I need to be on it to be covered?, Also, in case an officer asks me to pull over, do I need to be on the car insurance or just show him the car is insured?""

Can you help me with Car insurance?

I need a car insurer but I would like to deal with a UK call centre as I feel a bit more at ease, this is my first car,please help.""

Do i still have to pay my car insurance?

i just started driving and i had a small crash im 3rd party insurance i scrapped the car couldnt afford the insurance and mot ect ,i still have to pay insurance for the year so i mite as well have kept the car is there anyway i can cancel as im in financial hardship""

How much does hydrocodone generally cost without insurance?

I'm curious to see how much it costs without insurance due to a toothache. my dentist prescribed me an antibiotic but it hasn't helped with the pain. i don't have any benefits. i really don't like how hydrocodone makes me feel nauseated but it helps with the pain.

On friday 4/25 my 03 Tahoe was stolen in front of my house it was recovered the following day 4/26 about 9pm?

it was about 2:30am when the vehicle was stolen, the police was called and they came out to the scene. they gave me a file number. Later in the a.m i called the Insurance and reported the auto theft i gave all the current information my statement was being recorded. The insurance inspector came out to inspect the vehicle on Tuesday theyre were alot of damage inside out. He said it was about $4,000.00 worth of damage. It maybe was going to be total loss. I went ahead and called the adjustor to follow up on the inspection he then said he gave my claim to a investigator for further review. I mention to him that my vehicle is at my house when it should be in the tow yard, that it seems they are lacking holding off in helping me with this situation. He was rude and continue to tell me to wait for a phone call. Today 5/2/2014 a claim investigator called me stating that it was a coincidence that i worked for a auto body shop and my vehicle being stolen recently. I got really upset i told her me working at a shop doesnt have nothing to do with my car being stolen. I told her I was going to seek help thru a lawyer and hanged up the phone. Has anyone been a similar situation? I live in the state of California and have Infinity Insuracne Both my cars are full cover and both are paid off.""

Car Accident and No Fault Insurance?

My sister was hit by a car while she was crossing the street on her way to school. Now the hospital has sent as a statement asking for her no-fault insurance policy number. We don't have auto insurance so how do we fill in the form? Can we use the insurance number of the part at fault?

Urgent care? Do I need insurance?

So I really need to go to urgent care but will they even look at me if I tell them I don't have insurance and don't even have a job...? I would go to the hospital... But like I said... I have no insurance and no job.

Can I have two Health Insurance Policies from different states?

Before you answer, please read this thoroughly. I am a student and Illinois Resident. I have PPO health insurance in Illinois that I pay out of pocket for. $1000 deductible, 100% covered. I go to school in Florida and have employer insurance in FL (ever since Sept 2008), but it's an HMO. The PPO my job offers has no deductible but is 80/20 coverage, so I opted the HMO. For the average person, it would make no sense to have 2 policies, but I'm not ordinary. I have many pre-existing conditions (some I was born with), hence the Illinois coverage. In Dec of last year, before my FL insurance kicked in, I had a multitude of issues which caused me to have to use my BCBS of IL in Florida where I'm attending school. Many of those things are at bay now, but for doctor visits, exams, etc to arise other than routine check ups, should I start using my FL HMO insurance and just use my IL insurance for when I visit home during breaks? Or should I just drop my FL insurance altogether? The reason this is an issue is b/c I am afraid I my rates will go up or they drop me if I continue to use my insurance which was meant to be for IL, but I have been using it in another state. Yes they will cover b/c it's PPO and it falls under the BCBS umbrella, but this is the risk I take. I will NOT drop my Illinois insurance because I have pre-existing issues that is NOT covered by my FL insurance, so switching isn't even on option. Plus they keep doing layoffs and my certainty at this job isn't guaranteed. Furthermore, I keep reading about fraud, this is not my intent. I am just trying not to have my rates rise anymore b/c I am a student and not making much as it is. I am looking for the best coverage because good health care is my primary concern. I am NOT trying to file a double claim with both insurances, and I am NOT trying to collect any money out of this. Things happen like the flu, ER visits, and any other reason to visit the doctor when you are sick or injured. I have a 2 week window during open enrollment to drop my coverage thru my job. I pay only $20 per paycheck for my FL HMO insurance. So the little amount really isn't that much to fret over, but I need to know b/c I don't want my IL insurance to go up or to be denied covereage b/c I have two policies out there. Someone please give me some guidance. :) I have called my insurance company on both ends, but I can't get a straight answer from either. It's always the you need to contact the other company for the answer . So I am running around in circles. I was even told to just find out after I use my FL insurance to see. I'm afraid to take the gamble.""

""What company in ON, Canada will insure my 1976 corvette?, im only 17?""

What company in ON, Canada will insure my 1976 corvette?, im only 17?""

How long does a stolen car have to be gone for the insurance to pay for you for it?

My neighbor told me the other day that their car was stolen on New Years. It was found yesterday at an apartment complex down the street. It left me wondering how long your car has to be gone before the insurance will pay you the value of the car? I assume they will pay for a rental car but you can't assume that your car will be found right away and if it is gone for a long time (3 weeks or more) will they pay for a rental that long?

Car Insurance Settlement?

Ok about 3 weeks ago I was rear ended while my car was stopped on the freeway. The guy hit me doing about 30mph. I have had back and neck problems ever since. I have been seeing a chiroprator on a weekly basis. Also it was a hit and run but I was able to get his license plate number. I live in California. Ok so his insurance company called me trying to settle for 1000 plus my medical expenses. The problem is I don't now what my conditions will be like in the future. Also how many times will his insurance call me and change the offer?

Insurance for International Student in US?

I am an international student and right now i'm looking for an affordable health insurance for interntaional students, since the insurance they offer at my school is too ...show more""

My daughters car insurance has more than doubled because she got 9 penalty points in the last year. she wants ?

me to get insurance on her car and then get her put on that insurance. if she gets more points while she is under my insurance would that affect the price of the insurance on my own cars or would only if she caused an accident make my insurance go up. i could get a years insurance on her car for less than the price of 1 monthly installment she would have to pay for her own insurance. what do you think. if she gets 3 more points she will be disqualified from driving . if that happened while she was on my insurance would that put my insurance prices up even though she would be off my insurance if she did get disqualified. what i have wrote might not make sense. i want to know if i do this for her and she gets disqualified while being on my insurance would that put my insurance prices up for all my cars or what or would it only effect my insurance if she causes an accident. while shes on my insurance. * 41 minutes ago * - 3 days left to answer. Additional Details 40 minutes ago we live in the UK. sorry this is very long i found it hard to write what i was really trying to ask. 33 minutes ago i know if she causes an accident while she is on my insurance ot would effect how much my insurance costs but if she was to get disqualified while she is on my insurance would that effect me inurances oin anyway. if she gets disqualified then she wont be on my insurance anymore. 14 minutes ago only 3 of her penalty points are for speeding. she told me the other 6 points are because there was a mix up with her insurance last time and she was uninured for 4 days and was caught by the police. she got 6 points for that in court a few months ago. she said she that she had phoned them and accepted the policy they sent her to renew it and thought it would continue automatically but she hadnt been to the office to sign for it so she got caught for that. she was only uninsured for 4 days because of her mistake that time. sorry if you already answerd this but i put it on US yahoo answers by a mistake and it didnt show up in UK yahoo answers so i needed answers from people who knows about car insurance in the UK

Looking for Maternity Insurance?

We're wanting to get preggers in the near future. We're trying to look at our financial options for insurance. Currently we don't have major medical insurance (I don't need any comments on this, it's not what I'm asking about). I'm hoping to get a type of maternity insurance that will cover a couple thousand dollars. We're also planning on home birthing (again, this isn't my question, so I'm not interested in opinions on this matter). Does anyone know any carriers that I could get some maternity insurance from for the states of Utah and/or New Mexico?""

Affordable medical plan for newborns?

i know there is WIC to cover if dont make enough money to pay for alot of food besides the bills, and the childs shots are covered through the pregnancy medicaid (if you have it) for ...show more""

Backtack on medical insurance for newborn?

Is it Normal for my job to backtrak and charge me premiums for my newborn if I didn't enroll her until about a month after she was born? She was on my wifes insurance up until I enrolled her but they took a lot out of one check. Spoke with the head of finance dept and tells me they still backtrack from when she's born even though she was on my wifes insurance

""Florida law - Florida license, no car, so no insurance?

If someone with a Fl driver's license who doesn't have a car so doesn't have car insurance is involved in a car accident while driving someone else's car. Does the car owner's insurance cover the uninsured driver?

""How do I pick a car that's cheap to insure? I'm in NY and need a cute, reliable 4 door '03-'05 car.

I have been driving a little more than a year and can't afford to spend $500+ a month for insurance so I want a car that's insurance friendly. Thanks.

Car insurance?

i am looking for a decent quote for car insurance, my daughter passed her test in march and we would love to have her on our insurance but theyare asking for so much , i cannot afford it, i have a peugeot 307 o3 , my quote is 1214.85. she is going to UNI in October and really wont be using tthe car any way. any sugggestions would be really appreciated, now and again she would be using the car and she is so good , cannot afford to buy her a car of her own and the insurance would be too much anyway??""

Has anyone ever had short term car insurance ?

how much is it ? i work alot in the summer so i only need a car for a month please help am new to this.

Estimate on car insurance for this car?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/cheap-uk-car-insurance-learner-driver-any-good-huseman-angeline"

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