#sorry ill post art again one day
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crobinet · 2 months ago
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please keep thought experimenting with me!!!
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remxedmoon · 2 months ago
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(you worked yourself to death.)
yeah i wasn’t kidding when i said these would be coming soon. <- haha funny joke marshall. so!! remember when i said that this post would be coming out last weekend? guess whose tablet broke a few days after saying that! so sorry for the delay!! this is long overdue. here’s a link to the drive, as always! everything in this part of the update should be in the miscellaneous folder (outside of the menu icons, which are in the menu folder. wauaua).
unedited versions below the cut, plus some notes. fair warning 90% of this is just ui stuff lol
so! all of this was already done by the time i posted the enemies. the delay isn’t *entirely* because of the tablet issues, i just managed to get distracted by making: even more redraws! i’d say new update soon but after what happened last time i shouldn’t jinx myself. but! almost All of the art for the initial mod release is done!!!! exciting!!!!!!
please be nice to me (silly) this is my first time doing frame by frame animation in… give or take 5 years? i followed the original animations pretty closely, so they don’t look Awful but i am Aware of the jank. i’m not an animator!!! they’re Good Enough for my purposes.
hey did you know that the original teleport map is slightly off center. did you know that. that’s not the case for the redraw for the record but it did make things a little harder. despite that, i think you can tell i was having fun with the dormont part of the map. i would’ve put more detail into the house, but we never really get a more detailed look at it??? and i didn’t want to make assumptions. so that part’s just traced from the original 👍. anyways shoutout to the clocktower being Curved for whatever reason
outside of those, all of the added art is actually just spritework. i didn’t know this at first, but there’s a TON of copies of sprites from the icon set. Basically Everywhere. so those are added now! and should work properly! also added a few sprites that were Missing from my original batch. not going to put them all here, but a few Important ones (which i actually had to make new art for) are the rock paper scissors cheatsheet, the Larger versions of the craft signs (used in the calamité fight and. probably somewhere else idk), and the craft signs for the tutorial kid fight!
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aaaand i think that’s it! for stuff from this update. yeah no there’s more coming buddy. my tablet already broke one time this week there’s no way it’s happening twice. i’m not working on portraits Just Yet (though the temptation has been There), but i’ve got the title screens, a few backgrounds, and the ending cgs done! along with a few other assorted cgs sketched out. because im out of my fucking mind. so, uh, see you soon!! enjoy!!
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lucabyte · 3 months ago
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hello
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is this how your peopls work. i am obsessed with your comics and the panel layout and the way they react to eachother and sdgafkhgfdhsagfha s i very desperately need to have a grasp on how you see them in their dynamic and interacting and i feel like i don't know as much about how isabeau and loop be interacting but i am so so so so SO curious as to how that goes and how they feel about eachother pre-"i'm a former siffrin" and post-"ok you know who i am"
oh hell yeah a diagram we love a diagram
but yeah i'd say you've gotten my interpretation of the dynamic down pretty solid??
in general i think my instinct with loop-isabeau interactions is a lot tamer/calmer than others ive seen, my reasoning for why being hmm... i think i can note my core 'things im keeping in mind from the text' here
isabeau's line in act 6 remarking that loop seemed 'shy'. for all of loop's bravado @ siffrin (and thus the player's pov), they are still siffrin, so while it can be easy to percieve them as this loud bombastic personality-- there is this textual reminder that them acting this way is probably due in part to being up against siffrin, someone who won't speak unless spoken to (and thus loop takes the initiative, and is also presumably reveling a bit in making them uncomfortable and annoyed, inkeeping with their self-hatred and self-flaggellation) this to me reads as a reminder that they'd probably retreat into their shell hard when presented with other people- the party included. so even if i can see them trying to undermine their relationships with others, i think it's probably more on the insidious 'insulting siffrin to make the party protective of them' side, because that also feeds into 'proving' that the party only cares about one siffrin and that loop can be replaced. meanwhile isabeau has shown that, even with a vicious jealous streak, he can mostly keep a lid on it. he's the most emotionally intelligent of the group, and would probably be able to suss out loop's self-harm-via-getting-people-pissed-off-at-them gambit relatively simply given how obvious it is. also isabeau is not immune to insecurity-- and would probably let loop take some precidence over their relationship with siffrin because 'well i cant compete with the guy who actually went through All Of The Timeloop With Them.' because like... damn how are you supposed to do that. loop understands their pain better than isa ever could, and it would show in their fucked up unspoken understanding of each other (because how is Isa to know thats because theyre the same guy, and not just because the timeloop traumabonded the fuckers baddddly. which it also did.).
timeloop stressful as fuck. absolutely has both of them on tenterhooks the whole time. we visibly see how it affects siffrin (despondance & mania & aggression), and we see SAPfrin be very. very very despondant. so it would seem to me that loop is basically in a perpetual state of mania, given how sif's internal monologue begins to resemble their way of speaking (with the tee hees and such) when they are clearly broaching into manic states. one can assume that if you take loop out of the Torment Nexus, while they probably wouldn't faire well, all of the tension and pressure that's holding them up would collapse, likely putting them more depressive again by default? Of note, whenever i write loop's dialogue (which im told i do well? i will be honest i kind of feel like that's far too high praise.) i initially write it as very blunt and pissed off-- and will afterwards go back in and Maybe change wording to be more 'silly', but mostly i just add tildes~, italics, exclamation points and laughter to the pissed off dialogue without changing the actual content of it?
loop likes their friends! They are fucked up in the head about it (badly!!!) but they like their friends! They still care a lot, and can barely even hide it a little bit with their aloofness in game. it feels redundant to even try pointing out where they slip up because its everywhereee. They de-person their Actors because theyre the same lines over and over and over, but you see in SAP alone how any break from the script makes them overwhelmed with emotion, and how devastated they are if that deviation occurs a second time and becomes predictable (dying to the king after triggering the requisites for the true end, forcing you to go through it again). BUT!! You take their friends out of the timeloop and let them be New Unpredictable People again? I genuinely find it hard to believe mx siffrin "i love my friends so much id explode the world about it" nolastname would be able to see that and just go "nope im emotionally disconnected i can keep being a bitch to these guys forever". like no theyre gonna slip into being at least neutral no matter what. even if it's in a quiet depressive state when the mania wears off.
my biggest deviation from frequently observed fandom things here i think: i think loop doesn't actually believe that ISAT!Party are 'replacements'. they rarely if ever word a sentiment like this. this is something the fandom goes for because the horror of being replaced wholesale probably WOULD make it easier to cope if you considered those people to Not Be Your Real Friends. But loops WHOLE act 6 spiel? 'THEY WERE MINE FIRST. I LOVED THEM'? (paraphrased) they obviously desperately want to be with them again, and know they're the same people. The Fighter/Defender discrepancy clue is mostly metatext here-- since Loop never acknowledges the defender title-- just calling ISAT!Isa Fighter-- because they are the same guy. Your Fighter. They even call them Fighter in the "You got memory of X, your Fighter will now..." dialogues! Which are practically system dialogues! So. they see these isabeaus as the same. And while I would not put it past them to come up with the "they are different, my party is Dead" thing to Cope... I do think it is a delusion, plain and simple, and that I think any post-knowing-the-truth party would probably shut down weird rituals ive seen the fandom propose (often in a cute way??? it makes me feel insane?? like the concept of loop 'memorialising' their 'dead' family is not cute its nuts. they are being nuts. its like actively feeding into an extremely maladaptive coping mechanism. sorry this is like a massive sidebar but like. Yes i do think this is something loop might do if left unchecked. but it should not be presented as sane or rational? it outright undermines the themes of the game to treat the concept of 'Loop's party' being 'dead' as 'True'?? There's like several points in the game where Loop and Siffrin express that things that happened in the loops Still Happened even if the party dont recall it-- which is why their actions-- being cruel or doing 'experiments' still hold weight and can be Wrong. That it's tragic that the party will never remember but that their forgetting is NOT a pass to do whatever with no consequnce (experiment, bad touch, etc). It follows that by Nixing all of "loop's party", treating them as seperate, in some way implies loop's memories are Lesser and what they did "doesn't matter as much", which is antithetical on account of being contradictory to however you take the stated theme. PLUS... The game and Paratext are clear that there is One Timeline. SAP is in the same contiguous space as ISAT-- it is effectively just that on the loop between SAP and ISAT that we the audience dont see-- loop ate that star and when the loop restarted there were two of them. for all intents and purposes one can intuit that Loop 0 of isat and SAPfrin's first loop are legitimately identical from sif's POV, as Loop does not reveal themselves until Loop 1. BUT YEAH GIANT SIDEBAR OVER. THIS WHOLE READ OF THE TEXT INFORMS MY THOUGHTS RE: ISALOOP AND RELATED CONCEPTS VERY GREATLY)
jesus christ i wrote a lot in the above um. sorry. i dont know if its intelligable. uh. good luck?
im also on team 'orrery book and sif's thoughts about it belie a real deep-seated brainworm' re: their response to a Cautionary Tale About How You Will Inevitably Kill Your Double seemingly being "Nah, we'd be besties."... like. i do think it is. funny. and not particularly Unbased. Given how they are. For siffrin and loop to specifically be compelled by how they are the same guy. And i think that there's a lot to be mined from 'Both of them are convinced that the party knowing who loop is would fuck up everything badly, so they're going to great lengths to conseal this' played in tandem with '... they are like. very much explicitly doing things together that are directly related to a feeling of shared ownership over siffrin's body and form & the fact they are The Same Guy'. like it is a hysterical setup to me and i think is only added to when you have to put Isabeau in the middle of this polycule also. With the few exceptions of times ive drawn stuff specifically hinging on characters Knowing Who Loop Is (which is like. all bonnie-centric stuff so far? i think?), i take a lot of care to try and make their exchanges Vague as if they are worried about being overheard or saying something that's too much of a smoking gun. But also it's really god damn funny to think about how concerning some of those things could sound the vaguer you make them. Remember that above all i live and die by The Bit. (... as do they.) ie basically because im powered by The Bit thats why i focus more on the sloop side because its like. actively Funnier and more drama filled. or at least presents oppertunities for such. i feel like on isabeaus side here its kinda frequently like
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yknow ? (oh god my formatting is broken now) . i DO very much think it can become like. niceys. of course. i think they can just be normal fucking throuple eventually (though if i'm going that goddamn far into the future u may as well partycule the fuckers 2 me. by the time theyve solved whatever the fuck you call pre-reveal isiloops i think odile has gotten involved at the very least. but this is why i mostly keep myself to the realm of 'the mostly immediate post-game conflict' stuff since i think all these characters leave off the end of the game with such solid springboards for arcs set up (clearly intentionally) that the infinite realm of possibilities opens up too wide for me to be comfortable with.) anyway i keep thinking about the tragicomedy of isabeau finally finding an "in" to nurture a friendly bond with loop by comisserating and steeling themselves for changing again even though it feels like a betrayal of their previous actions/beliefs and how fucking funny the idea of 'loop reveal but theyre like 2 weeks into using she/they' is. just like you get all the way through the horrors of 'oh jesus christ the timeloop was even worse than we thought it was' but now '.. d. do you still . what pronouns do you want?' is tacked onto the end. Sorry did you hear something . must've been the wind. anyway . this ask is a fucking mess i hope its readable like at all . can you tell ive been brainscramblied for six weeks
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yeaghj you got it. its not like im doing anything revolutionary im just trying to stick as close as i can do what i percieve the characterisation is in canon & thus generally dont tie down any of my fanwork to specific post-canon-plot-concepts. its all just nebulous extrapolation set 'pretty close to the end of the game because i think these characters are going to grow and change extremely rapidly once the game is over given how they're all intentionally poised for character arcs when the game ends'. but also you should put isabeau in the worst social bind of all time with two of the most mentally unwell BPD OCD havers youve ever seen and let him try to figure out the balance of 'be gentle' and 'treat them like the almost-30-year-old adult they literally are' while he also balances his own set of entire life changes it'll be fine he'll be fine (someone should probably check on him)
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gallapiech · 7 months ago
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that one megamind comic
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wasn't gonna post this here but it made me laugh original under the cut
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sanzodaily · 2 months ago
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day 14 | would you still love me if i was a sparkling water...
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cherrywperson · 3 months ago
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lateposting . happy 1500 days anniversary to the election special ❤️
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shokupanda · 8 months ago
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me when time moves forward at a steady pace: how the fuck is it more than halfway through july already. this fuckers rapidly sprinting when im not looking huh
#i have so many things i need to do#before the semester starts again this fall#i need to work on comms. i need to work on a project due the end of the month. i want to do artfight. i want to make art for myself. i want#to do art studies. i want to start an alt drawing more suggestive stuff. i mean what who said that mustve been the wind#and thats just the things related to drawing.#i need to organize my room. i need to learn [redacted]. i want to cook more. i want to socialize more. i want to play games. i want to-#watch and read and listen to so many things#yet i have a finite amount of time to do everything#and half of a day is consumed by me just snoozing#and when i do work on something i feel like im Not Efficient Enough.#i cant just chill in vcs i need to be productive and draw too. and if i dont make significant progress then I Have Failed.#i cant just watch New Season of Show. thats Time Focused on One Singular Activity. gotta do multiple things at once or ill feel bad after#because i know that once the semester starts back up then im gonna be 90% less online#back to the depths of graphic design hell making infographics and powerpoints and brand identities#not having the time to draw anything furry or for myself for several months#anywho its 5am#i should go to sleep#sorry for the ramble im just. only now realizing how little time i have#when i wake up i have to really lock in on drawing and stuff#ive wasted so much time playing a game this past week#if i hadnt played it idve made so much more progress by now and im kicking myself so bad mentally now that im like mostly done w the game#gahhh#anywho yeah sorry for the ramble ill post more soon#sho.scramblin
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shroomerr · 18 days ago
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what brushes do you use on procreate ((if you use it)) and how do you get your lines so smooth ?? :0
Im dabbling in digital drawing but it’s still kind of a struggle for me shshs so if you have any tips I’d love to know ‼️‼️ also your art is amazing again 💪😫
Oh my first brush question!!
So I mainly use this brush called the "Funny Haha Brush." It's completely free on gumroad, but you can tip the artist if you'd like!
https://oryozema.gumroad.com/l/YQWUE
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It's my go-to brush for both sketching and inking! Inking with it is really fun, and when I sketch with it, I lower the opacity all the way down. I like the sort of "crunchy" look it has and the texture it gives me! Though if you're looking for something cleaner, like a G-Pen, maybe this isn't the one skfdhlj. Try it out and see if you like it though!
Though in terms of getting better line quality, im afraid to say that just comes with practice 😭 im getting flashbacks to when i was younger and i'd ask artists i looked up to how they got so good, and they'd just respond with "practice"... SO IM NOT GONNA DO THAT AND INSTEAD YAP ABOUT IT
So the thing about getting smooth lines is that you have to be confident with your strokes: big, quick and broad lines. For example, chicken scratching is a habit I see a lot of younger artists do (not to say this is something you do! just something I've observed).
This is something you'll just naturally get better with over time as you become more confident with your lines, but a good exercise you can do to see improvements quickly is practicing drawing shapes like ovals, circles, parallel lines in quick succession and as cleanly as you can (and in the case of the parallel lines, making them as parallel to each other as you can). Ex:
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What this does is you're essentially developing your motor skills to create cleaner lines, and training your muscle memory. Speed isn't the key here, it's more about precision! But you'll naturally get faster over time. Another good exercise that I also learned is where you create two random dots, and try to make a line connecting the two dots and make it as straight and clean as possible! I like to do "ghost" strokes where I plan how the line's going to move before I commit to paper.
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Honestly these are just a couple of the exercises ive learned and picked up on over the years, but even I don't do them myself SJLFHKDJL which something I really slack on. But this is definitely for if you want to see results in your improvement faster!! And also, these are also great for warming up before you start drawing.
I totally get the digital art struggle ;; it was SUCH a learning curve for me, going from predominantly traditional to digital. Honestly, the most important tip I could give you is to just draw and have fun! There was a point where I didn't draw (apart from very small homework doodles) for 3-4 years, and in that time I never tried going out of my comfort zone out of fear that it would bad. And even after I started art school, I still wasn't able to draw at the level I thought I would be at. The gap between my perceived skill vs my ACTUAL skill was so big, I kept getting tripped up and being upset about it. The fear of failure was so strong, that I was more comfortable not trying at all. In fact, it wasn't until July that I started seeing improvements in my art!! Just a couple of months ago, I couldn't draw guys for the life of me, and now all I ever draw is south park boys sfljhjl. I'm still not entirely satisfied with how my art looks, but I'm much comfortable and happy with my art now than I ever have been in the last 7 years (holy shit its been 7 years).
So, TL;DR,
1. Line exercises are your friend!
And 2. Have fun! Find your muse, and just keep drawing that!! Find ways to insert your muse in everything!! DRAW TO YOUR HYPERFIXATION'S CONTENT!!
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donnyclaws · 1 year ago
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I was gonan make a post apologizing for lack of regular art but I feel like jts already clear im sporadic and in and out of it bc chronic pain and circumstances. So for now I'm gonna hibernate, get my health steady again, deal with money issues, and art will happen when it happens.
#i do feel kind of worn down by it. i wish patreon and commissions didn't feel so taxing even with accommodations ive made for myself#maybe it'll feel better in the future when less is going on but rn it#places this barrier of management in front of art that makes it less relieving to do#cause there's always a part of my brain reminding me it needs to serve a purpose and needs to pay off in some way#which isn’t a new feeling for artists obviously. maybe doing it all since hs js also why it's tiring. and patreon changjng the way it does#working part time now too. idk if maybe id like to step back from it#it's abnormal that i worked taht hard and it did help me get out from my parents and stay out. but im also tired ect#idw let people down by not being able to keep up with a self imposed expectation or#be irresponsible and remove sources of income for myself. redbubble inprnt and patreon all suck in ways that bother me hugely#i only really enjoy itch.io at the minute#not to say anything bad abt patrons or commission clients you've all been excessively kind and patient and understanding always#i wish i could make them better i feel like there's no way how it is at the minute is of value compared to my output as an older teen#but yknow. self imposed worry. im just worn out and id like to just make things without the management and the fretting and the#i havent made a comic post for patreon in ages or this or this i havent made a speedpaint or a song or#yadda yadda lmao#sorry for the impromptu ramble#this isnt to say id never do commissions or a store or anything again or i want to not make money off art#god knows i will need to be grinding out comms once im well again but ex#i feel like im getting less and less able to manage it and then putting out less and less#and hoping ill somehow get very healthy and active again one day and make it worth the wait yknow.#it's not a feeling i want my art to carry in me.#part of me and the parent in my brain is saying it'd be selfish to give up income but the rest is like#that's cruel. i want to feel good and healthy
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post3l · 2 years ago
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lesbianbishounen · 7 months ago
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i hate talking about genai bcus its fucking everywhere and even talking about that fact feels redundant but i cannot help but think about how people's arguments for why it could be good feel so indicative of how many americans think about the day to conveniences we have.
like people will say stuff like "oh wouldn't it be nice to have someone who can't draw be able to have art or voices or music for a game or other project they're working on when they're not an artist or voice actor and can't afford to pay one" and like yeah sure it would be nice. devoid of context its a fun little novelty that wouldn't hurt. it'd be a welcome convenience for them but the entire problem is what the cost comes at.
Setting aside the fact that we don't live in a world where that tech will just be used for small personal use, the stuff it comes at the cost of is the whole issue, massive water and energy consumption, people in other countries paid pennies to filter through all the horrific stuff that gets submitted to machine learning datasets. but the people touting this stuff as a great convenience that'll "democratize art" or whatever don't care about that, and it feels like the same mindset of people who refuse to boycott any company that's doing harmful shit.
Who cares if people in another country are dying, i get my convenient caffeine fix. Why should I care about the reason why I get to have out of season fruits year round, it makes things easier for me. Why would I want to take public transportation and change my behaviour, my car is easier. Why should i tolerate any level of inconvenience for the sake of another person or trying to cause less harm. Just complete and utter apathy towards what the negative effects of the things that help you are.
#sorry ive been stewing on this a lot and i think part of it stems from the fact that we are so removed from the work that goes#into the stuff that makes our day to day. this stuff is also tied into the fact that alternative options for a lot this stuff already exist#people just hate being minorly inconvenienced at fucking all#cant make art or music? there are free assets out there for that if you dont have the time to learn it yourself#but nooo you cannot cope with the fact that without learning a specific skill you cant have the output of it be the exact way you want#or the obvious shit like people being mad at protestors because theyre blocking a road#or annoyed that they have to see a homeless person ever. or see evidence of the literally genocide funded by their country on socmed#like cannot bear being confronted with the fact that yes the society that gives you a decent life also creates problems for others#sorry i fucking woke up this morning and saw the news again abt those joshua trees being demolished for solar panels#and it just made me so deeply depressed. any better less harmful solution thrown out because its less cost effective and not as easy#damn everyone else as long as you have it easy. genuinely despise those kinds of people#chatots#ill probably delete this later and just needed to process this thought somehow#edit: how did i make this post and forget about fucking amazon.#thought of another one. manga fans that will categorically refuse to read anything that releases monthly. instant gratification or nothing.#fuck the artists that literally destroy themselves to make the stuff youre a fan of
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mochamadeleines · 5 months ago
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Sweethearts and Sweet Dreams <3
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“Nothin’?”
“Mhm.”
“Whats behind your back then?”
You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.” (6.4k words)
tags!! - 18+ modern au! Husband! Joel Miller, Wife! Reader, you guys are happy and in love!, mutual obsession if u squint, lots of exposition im so freaking sorry, pervert Joel if u squint, praise kink joel if you squint, dumbification if you squint, written for those with daddy issues lowkeeyyyyy, written with game joel in mind but could be hbo joel no problem!, lowk i combined the two in my mind, mentions of shy old man joel, housewife! reader (by choice), unspecified age gap but reader is like. thirty? and joels Like...55??, talk about joel taking medication for his anxiety, p in v sex, dirty talk, public sex, outdoor sex, joel has a kink for dresses because i said so? service top joel if you squint, pet names, a pinch of jealousy and possessiveness for fun, playful banter, mentions of maria and tommy and their baby with a made up name Lol, mentions of ellie and sarah (rip), mentions of readers past abusive relationships, talk about joel struggling with substance abuse/addiction and being hospitalized.....Im sure u can theorize why </3, lots of lore ill get into in another fic MAYBE *smirks*, flip flop in perspective, sometimes showing what joel is thinking or what reader is thinking blah blah
authors notes!! - hi there!!! im mocha and this is my first joel fic ever + my first fic posted to tumblr!! im really nervous cuz i havent written anything in months and ive never written joel before so please let me know if you like it!! id love to write more of this au for u guys if theres a demand for it...Thank u for reading!! also barely proof read im ngl. ive been staring at this fic all day im sick of itttt. p.s i dont usually write smut i also kinda do idfk Is this bad or am i tweaking
You step out of the house, morning sun soaking into the roots of your hair and the driveway beneath your feet. Theres a package youve been waiting for. 
You cant contain your grin as you wiggle it out of the hot prison that is your mailbox.
“What the hell are you doin’ out there barefoot?” Joel chastises you from the front door, leaning his elbow on the frame. Joel, your lovely husband of two years. Been together for five. And because of how hard he works, you have the privilege of being a stay at home wife. Some people think that sort of life is stifling, but youve never felt so free. No more jobs you hate, no more financial struggles. Just you, Joel, and your cat, Cement. He likes to pretend it isnt a totally hilarious name for a pet.
You were his first relationship in almost a decade, so it was a lot of work helping him unpack his anxieties about dating, and a lot of work for you to feel safe and unafraid. Honestly? Youve been mistreated by enough men to land you in the psychward.
But Joel never yells at you, he never breaks things when hes angry or threatens to hurt you. He might raise his voice every now and again, but its never because of something you did. Sometimes the stress of life is just too much. 
He works hard, he loves his daughter- daughters- and he would do anything to keep you happy. Whatever you say goes, he says. Even now, you hardly argue. Of course you have disagreements, or off days thatd lead to one of you being especially moody, but the both of you do your best to communicate.
Behind that rough exterior, is someone who just wants to be needed. 
You first met Joel at a youth center you volunteered at, he taught guitar, you taught arts and crafts. Joel says it was your smile and sense of humor that charmed him. It was his singing and southern accent for you.
Your favorite thing about Joel is how soft he gets around you. He says its because you make it easy to be soft. 
Joel was a shy lover at first. He would get nervous just kissing you, or holding your hand. While most people become intimate very early on in their relationship, you and Joel didnt do anything sexual for the first five months of you dated. Sure, you almost did, plenty of times, but he would get so overwhelmed and cut things short. You broke two of your vibrators during this era of your relationship. Embarassing.
You remember your first time very vividly. Joel had worked back to back doubles trying to meet a deadline, and on the final day, after having barely spoken to you for almost a week, you had shown up to his house, unannounced. You were wringing water out of your jacket when he swung the door open. 
“How-” Joel blinks a few times, stepping forward to examine the rainfall. “How long you been out here?”
“Not that long,” You lie and pick up the container you brought off the porch chair. Part of you had a hard time mustering up the courage to even knock on the door. Droplets of water cascade down your chin. “Hi, sorry. I know youre tired.”
He shakes his head, voice soft and warm. “S’fine. Now c’mon, youre gonna get sick.”
Youre seated at the little dining table next to the kitchen now, trying to let the sound of the rainfall ease your nerves.
Joel was quick to grab you a towel, and does the honors of drying your face and hair with it. “Why didnt you jus’ call me? Woulda gotten out of the shower faster if i knew you were gettin’ soaked out there like this.”
“I dunno, sorry.”
“An’ whatd i tell you about apologizin’ all the time?”
“Sor- Uh. Right. Okay.” You tighten your jaw. No more.
Joel moves behind you, now squeezing water out the ends of your hair. “Whas’ that?”
“Oh!-” You peel back the lid, showing it to him. “Old fashion cake donuts are your favorite right? I remember you saying you liked eating them with your coffee in the mornings so…I made these. Youve been working a lot lately and I wanted to do something nice for you.”
Joel gingerly grasps the container from your hands, looking into it. Theyre a warm golden brown, outside evenly fried, and the sweet scent of them hits his nose right away.
“I was just gonna leave them on the doorstep and call you to tell you they were there, but I wanted to see you.”
His adam's apple bobs as he swallows the dryness in his throat. Youre too good for him. 
“Thank you very much.” He presses a kiss to your damp hair. “Now, lets get you into some dry clothes.”
Joel gives you a t-shirt and a pair of his boxers to keep you modest while your clothes wash and dry. 
You wait patiently on his bed for the hot chocolate he promised you before you showered. Theres nothing to watch on the tv, so you just turn it off and reach for the lamp on his nightstand instead. 
He comes in quietly, and sets the mug down beside the lamp. You finally come into focus, clear as day even under the low lighting.
“You uh.. You look nice.”
You blink. “I look nice?”
“In my shirt.”
That gets a smile out of you. 
Joel tips his head towards the mug. “S’hot so, give it a few minutes. Dont want you burnin’ your mouth.”
You nod. “Okay.”
Hes sat beside you now and the two of you sit in silence for a while. Its not awkward, just the kind of silence where both of you want to say something but just.. Cant.
Joel unravels first. “Missed you, y’know. Just been tired.”
“I know.” Your voice wobbles, and Joels jaw tightens like hearing you sound so sad stings him. “I missed you, too.” 
He slides his hand over yours, giving it a squeeze. Its okay. 
“Hey Joel...Can I stay the night?” 
“Sure. Id really like that.”
While you drink your hot chocolate, you and Joel catch up. You both talk about work, and about your new found interest in baking. Joel teases you about your lack of cooking skills, you do the same. Youre both useless. 
When its time to climb into bed, neither of you can actually fall asleep. Joel rolls onto his side, away from you and the window. You follow, curling up like a little cat against his back. The sensation is nice for the both of you.
You speak up after a little while.
“Joel?”
“Mm.”
“Thank you for letting me stay.”
He scoffs, voice thick with exhaustion. “Like I'd force you to leave after you brought me such a nice present.”
You let out a little giggle, “So if i didnt, youd kick me out?”
“Id think ‘bout it.”
You gasp, gently shoving at his back. “Thats mean…!”
“S’really not.”
“Oh yeah? And what if I poisoned them?.”
“Then itd jus' be a regular day of your cookin’ then.” Joel reminds you, lighthearted. Too many times where you left the shells in your eggs or burnt toast or left the bacon on the pan for too long.
“You cant get mad at me for my dark past when you made a perfectly good sirloin taste like horse leather.”
“Ugh. Dont remind me. That was like putting a one-hundred dollar bill into a paper shredder. How do either of us stay alive again?”
“Uh. Digiorno?”
“Digiorno.”
After a few moments, Joels rolling over again, and hes guiding your head to settle against his chest. Your arms wrap around him, and his arms around you. 
“Joel,” You whisper. He hums. “Im cold.”
“S’cause youre not wearin’ any pants.”
“And whos fault is that?”
��Still yours.”
“I was left out in the rain like a sad, sopping wet cat. One that was left in a box all alone with no family…” You pretend to sniffle. “Dont you feel bad for me?”
Joel sighs, not saying anything more except making sure the part of the comforter behind your back is tucked into your side so the cold air doesnt get in. When hes done, you do a little shimmy up his body, and throw your leg over his hip. Oh no.
Hes alert now. Very alert. Be normal. Joel hesitates, licking the dryness off his lips. “Uh. Feel better?”
“Mhm.” You push your face into his throat, cat-like, before settling down again. Hes like a radiator.
Actually scratch that, he cant be normal. 
“Darlin’.” He rasps, patting your back to get your attention.
“Mm?”
“Your leg. Move it.”
A few beats pass. “Why?”
“Because…” Wow,  he didnt think hed get this far. You shift forward and Joel lets out a quiet exhale through his nose, one that couldve been masked by the rain if you werent so close.
“Are you-”
“No! No. Its- Its not what you think-” He cant see your face in the darkness but he knows you feel the semi-hard struggling through the confines of his pants. Lame.
“Joel,” You say, soft. Your hands slide up his arm to cradle his jaw. Lightning flashes into the room, giving you a glimpse of Joels tight expression. He whispers your name back, just as soft.
“This is normal.” 
Its normal, it is! Except for the fact that you guys havent had sex yet. The stress of being intimate is too much, kills his boner in a blink. The longer he waits the worse the anxiety gets.
“I-I know.”
You place a hand on his chest, feeling it pound away like crazy through all the soft muscle.  
“Youve been taking your medication, right?”
Has he?
The silence of him thinking is proof enough. “Joel-”
He sighs, rubbing his eyes through the darkness .“I know, I know. Shoot, Im sorry. I just forget sometimes.”
“Its okay.” The pad of your thumb strokes the tops of his cheek, and you press a tender kiss to his mouth to soothe him.  “...Want me to remind you?”
The softness of your lips has him a bit dazed. “Huh?”
“I said, do you want me to remind you? I can- You know, call you before you leave work. Make sure you take them.”
“You know I wake up at five-o-clock in the mornin’ , right?”
“I know.” 
In a whisper, “Okay.”
Joels rough palms trail down your back and stop at the curve of your butt, finger tips delicately tracing the skin above your shorts. You shiver.
Barely above a whisper. “We dont have to go all the way.”
He says your name again, laced with worry. He doesnt want you to feel pressured. 
You pull your leg off his hip and push yourself up, settling your hands on either side of Joels head.
“Can I tell you something?”
“Yes-”
“-And you cant get all in your head about it. You stay here, with me. You stay present.”
“Okay, okay.” He nods, a bit defeated. “I will stay present.”
“When you...When you say you dont wanna have sex, what is it that youre thinking exactly? I know you said you just get really nervous but I feel like youre not being totally honest.”
Joel stays quiet, idly rubbing your sides. Maybe you are a cat. Just getting to feel any part of you is soothing. “I jus’ want you to feel good. ‘Fraid ill do somethin’ you dont like.”
“You cant assume how I feel, Joel. Being intimate.. It takes time to learn what the other person likes.”
He sighs. “I know.” Youre always right.
Adding on, “Like I said, we dont have to go all the way,” You lean further back, situating yourself on his hips. He lets out a shaky breath when he feels the pressure of your ass through his sweats.
“But, I want to start somewhere. I want to feel you.” 
“Fuck- Um-” Hes shaking now, letting you grind your hips down onto him. Joel cant seem to control the way his hips instinctively push up to meet yours. Youre both becoming of a mess of little gasps and hot breaths and tiny whimpers already.
You hunch forward, guiding his hand under your your shirt- His shirt- letting him feel up the supple skin of your stomach, then the area where your ribs are, then your-
“And I want you to feel me,”
Surprisingly, you did actually go all the way that night.
Your sex life was a bit of a rocky start, but after Joel got over most of his anxiety, you learned quickly just how goddamn insatiable he was. Five years in and he still regularly makes you sore. 
There are a couple things you learned about him and his sexual interests. He loves to take you in his truck, in your kitchen, in your bathroom, on your couch. Other, riskier places. Anywhere that isnt your bed apparently, not that he isnt fucking you there either.
Joel is handsy, so handsy infact it embarasses you to no end, especially when youre infront of others. Thats usually how it starts, too. First he kisses you, then gropes your hips and your ass, and the next thing you know, youre cumming on his fingers. Then hed bend you over, or get you on your back, or make you ride him. Is it really riding if hes just slamming up into you until your brain turns into mush?
He likes that too. Making you not think.
Youd be lying if you said its only ever him. Sleepy morning handjobs before work, whining to him over the phone and touching yourself to his voice, arching your back into him while you're washing dishes, sucking him off after hours in his office.
And while most men prefer lingerie or little costumes, Joel likes dresses. Dresses that are discreet so he can take you in the backyard when he comes home early and sees you gardening. Or when youre both at a friends house and hes had a little too much to drink and finds himself alone with you. Dresses that make it easy to play his favorite game with you. I touch you, and you make sure we dont get caught by being too loud. Joel really is the worst sometimes.
Now, you only ever wear pants when its cold, or to bed or sometimes when youre lounging, like today. Youre in some shorts and a tank top. Otherwise, its dresses all year round, usually retro styles or ones meant for spring. Joels not picky though, he loves any dress on you.
Even if you wear an extremely modest, white lacey sleep dress, looking like some kind of vintage ghost, the man would still keep you up all night. And he has. He said you looked like a princess. You guess you kind of did.
The entire thing is like an unspoken arrangement between you both. He doesnt tell you to wear them, you just do.
And he works hard to spoil you, so why not buy as many cute dresses as possible? 
You got a cute dress today too, on the same day Joel has off. You think its going to be a new favorite of his.
The big polymailer stays hidden behind your back. Be casual. “Uh- Nothing!”
“Nothin’?”
“Mhm.”
“Whats behind your back then?”
You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.”
“Lemme see then. Show me your hands-”
“Hey, Mrs. Miller!”
Both you and Joel turn your heads to the voice, and only one of you has the energy to fake a a smile. Your neighbor is stopping in his driveway, having come back from a jog it looks.
“Hi, Lee.” 
Joel really, really, really doesnt like Lee. You dont like him either, but youre not one to cause problems. Lee on the other hand, is. Hes a bit younger than you, and a lot younger than Joel. Hes one of those tech dudes with a massive ego, thinks that youll be swayed by his money and his “charm” and youth as if youre some sad housewife in need of saving. Gross. 
And another thing, Lee doesnt even actually live here! Hes here ever so often to visit his dad between, you dont know, tech expos? You forget. Joel believes he started showing up more often to see you. 
Youre walking towards the porch again. Joels looking especially unhappy to see him today, knuckles pulled taut into a fist. His lips stay pressed into a thin line, careful not to let anything slip out. He usually lets you do most of the talking, as much as it pains him. 
Joels really not a fan of the way Lees eyes take a trip up your bare legs. Little shit.
“Out with no shoes again, Mrs. Miller?”
“You know me, Im uh- Im weird.”
“The weird ones do it best.” He smiles, all teeth. It gives you the creeps. His attention is on Joel now. Its like watching a puppy try to one up a wolf. “Right, Joel?”
“Uh huh.” Whatever that means.
“Actually, I've been meaning to ask you something, Mrs. Miller.” Lee crosses into your driveway and you glance briefly at Joel, as if to make sure he isnt going to start growling at the other to stay away. Youre clutching the package to your chest now. 
“Have you ever been to a support group for uh- you know, the spouses of addicts?  I have a friend from work and shes really struggling.” 
Lees tone is sugary sweet, but the fake kind you put in diet soda except that stuff is way better. Joel sighs from the door. You stand there, dumbfounded on the porch steps because what the fuck is he going on about. 
You clear your throat, keeping your voice firm. “No. Ive never needed to.”  
Joels voice cuts in like a knife. “Been clean for almost twenty years now.”
“Yeah but, you know,” He shrugs, squinting a bit under the morning sun. “Relapses happen.”
Joel and Lee are at a stand still, and the moment Joel lets the arm leaning on the frame drop to his side, you know youre in for a lot of trouble. You move quickly towards the door. “We have to get ready for a- uh- a thing? but Im sorry about your friend.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Miller. Im doing my best to support her.” And before he turns away, he just has to be slimy to you. “If you need someone to talk to, Im here for you.”
“No, that really wont be necess-”
Joels slinging a strong arm around you to yank you back inside before shutting the door. 
“Motherfucker,” He hisses to himself, stomping through the walkway and into the kitchen.
“How-” You rub your eyes, letting them adjust to the light inside of the house. You put the package down onto the bar counter that opens up the kitchen and follow Joel to the fridge. “How does he know?? I thought-”
“Been living in this house for decades now,” His expression is tight, brows knitted together while he chugs a bottle of water. “People talk. ‘Specially if I'm being rolled into an ambulance on more than one occasion.” Joel frowns. “Fuck- I shoulda punched him in the fuckin’ face- Do you see how hard he tries so hard to flirt with you infront’a me?”
“I know, love. I was there.” You take the bottle from his hand and set it to the side, then wrap your arms around him. “Try not to let it get to you okay?”
Joel sighs into your hair, giving your body a squeeze. “I know, I know, but jus’ hearin’ him tryin’ta use my baggage to make a pass at you…S’fuckin’ evil.”
“I agree, but I dont want his blood on the driveway.”
“So get it on his driveway instead, got it.”
You giggle and tip your head up to kiss him. The tension eases from Joels shoulders, and he cups your cheeks, letting his worries melt away into your mouth. When the pads of his fingers start to slide under your tank top, youre leaning back. Youll be here for a while if this goes any further.
Joel mindlessly chases your lips, looking a bit pouty now that its over.
“Im gonna start getting ready for the barbecue, okay?”
“This early?”
“I like being punctual.” 
“My brother wont give a damn if were late.” He noses your jaw, pressing a kiss here and there. Your knees are beginning to feel weak. The bastard is trying to distract you.
“But I do. The farmers market opened today, and I promised Maria I'd get her fresh strawberries before we got there, remember?”
“Alright, alright.” He grumbles into your shoulder.
Joel lets you go, watching you round the bar counter to get your package and disappear upstairs.
-
Ever since you came down to a freshly showered Joel, and got into the car with the gift bags you prepared for Maria and Tommy, Hes been staring at you. One wrong move and the drools gonna start pouring out of his mouth.
Your hair is in its relatively natural state, freshly washed and shiny from the oil you put in it. You put on some light makeup, and went a bit heavy handed on the blush to look sunkissed, and topped it off with a flavored lip gloss Joel especially enjoys. 
Now, the dress. Its a pink floral mid-length dress, with a low cut sweetheart neckline and a corset style backing to cinch your waist and push out your chest. The material is thick and pretty, and there are two other layers under the skirt to keep its shape. You have on a pair of little pink pumps with little bows to match. 
The drive to the farmers market is fairly peaceful, the windows are half down and theres music playing at low volume on the radio. You and Joel have different tastes in music, but one genre you can always agree on is alternative rock. 
The weathers beautiful, sun high in the sky, and its not too hot or humid. The day really is perfect. Youre gonna soak up some sun when youre at the barbecue. Hopefully, they made lemonade again too.
Joel has been mostly quiet throughout your shopping. While it would worry some, youve been with him long enough to know that he just has a lot on his mind. What hes thinking about? Maybe youll learn when you make it back home at the end of the day.
You gasp, strolling through the grass to a stand with a mountain of apples. Granny smith, Macintosh, Pink Ladys, Honeycrisp, the works. He grunts, trying to keep the things that are already in your basket steady. You came for strawberries and are going to leave with much more than that.
Joel nudges you softly. “Remember, this is quality stuff, meaning itll go bad faster. Dont get too much.”
“Okay, got it.” You beam, and then begin inspecting the Pink Lady apples first, trying to find the ones with the best color.  He keeps the basket within reach so you can drop your picks in.
"These were Sarahs favorites."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, it was funny 'cause we started arguin' over these or Red Delicious. I think Red Delicious is better."
"Thats so cute! Hmm. Should we get one for her? A Pink Lady?"
"Uh," He thinks on it for a moment, unsure, but the smile on your face helps him make a decision. "Sure, why not."
You drop two perfect Pink Ladys into the basket, moving onto the next pile.
“Hey, Joel.” You grin, holding out a wrinkled granny smith apple. “This one looks like you”
“Ha ha.” He deadpans, and grabs it from you to put back. In turn, hes reaching for the runt of the pile. A pathetically small one sitting near the bottom. “Now this one looks like you.”
“Does not!”
“Does too.” 
The next stand has golden kiwis, and youre practically dragging Joel forward to try them. You ask for one, and the man at the stand slices it into halves, giving you a plastic spoon to go with. 
You let Joel smell it first. “S’good.”
“Lets see if it tastes good.”
You sink your spoon into it, humming when you see how soft and easy it is to scoop out. In your mouth it goes!
Its tastes sweet, a bit mango-y and fucking delicious. You bounce in place, spoon feeding Joel next. “Oh yeah,” He smiles, smacking his lips a bit to really let the taste settle on his tongue. “Were takin’ some of these.”
You take one, then two, then three and four then five and as you reach for the sixth one, Joels stopping you with a gentle hand. 
“Darlin’.” 
“Right.” 
For the next few stands its just you and Joel trying various kinds of fruit. Starfruit, blueberries, some mangos, and then youre going back to the truck.
“I think my favorites were the mangos and golden kiwis. I hope Maria and Tommy have enough space in their fridge for all of this.”
“They moved into a bigger house, I reckon their fridge s’probably bigger, too.”
“What time is it?” 
You let go of Joels arm so he can switch the basket from one hand to the other. 
“‘Bout…” Hes squinting at his watch. “12:34 in the afternoon.”
“Oh! Guess we got the shopping done sooner than I expected. Hmm. Should we stop somewhere in the mean time?-" You snap your finger when you remember something. "They opened up this cafe that has cats in it! We can drink coffee and play with them for bit! The next fourty-five minutes will go by super fast."
“Youre gonna make Cement jealous.”
You bat your hand dismissively. “Hes not gonna caaare.” 
“Oh yes he will. And remind me again why we named our cat Cement?
“Uh, we were both drunk and had gotten him the day before without a name picked out?”
“A whole year later and we still kept it. Worst pet owners ever.” Joel chuckles, opening the passenger door for you like he always does. 
“Thank you.”
“Mhm.”
The giant basket of fruit goes into the back seat next to the gift bags before Joel slots himself into the drivers seat. 
You fumble with the radio a bit, trying to see what else is on but ultimately landing back on your preferred station. Theyve been playing a lot of Linkin Park recently. Hell yeah. Joel buckles himself in at last, and pulls out of the parking lot. 
“Marias gonna teach me how to make baked chicken,” You hum, gazing outside the window.
“You sure youre not jus’ unteachable?”
“Ha ha,” You lightly shove his shoulder, making him smile. “I thought you loved the meat sauce pasta I learned how to make.”
He settles into his seat more comfortably at the stop light, elbow rested on the window. “Got me with that one. Think I like ground turkey over beef, though.”
“Yeah? Me too. The beef tastes better but the turkey is lighter. Stops me from feeling all sick.”
“Agreed.”
Youre looking out the windshield now. Where did all the buildings go? Youre out of the city. 
“Uh, Joel?”
“Mm?”
“Where are we going?”
“Somewhere to kill time.”
“Yeah but where?”
“Youll see.” 
Your brows pinch together. “I see a whole lot of nothing except for trees."
“Almost there.”
Joel makes a hasty left turn onto some campgrounds. Your stomach starts to twist into excited knots. Is he gonna show you a baby deer or something? Bunnies? He used to be a park ranger for this area, and would tell you stories about all sorts of baby animals hed run into.
The car comes to a stop, and he turns the engine off. Silence.
“So…Were out in the woods to kill time?”
“Mhm.” Joel unbuckles his seat belt and twists into the back to grab the spare jacket he usually keeps there, then gets out of the truck and comes around the back to open the door for you. 
He holds your hand to help you get down from the passenger side, and as soon as both of your shoes hit the ground Joel is on you. 
You dont know where your hands should go, youve kissed Joel a thousand times and yet you still get so flustered when he catches you by surprise. You keep your hands on his shoulders for now, letting him press wet kisses to your neck and shoulder.
“This is new right? The dress?” He gives your ass an appreciative squeeze through the fabric. “Thought you looked so pretty when you came down stairs in it.” 
Your heads spinning. Something about your dress? 
“Woulda been okay if you let me have you earlier.” He pulls away, examining your flushed face cradled by his hand. Every part of you just fits so well in his palms. “Then I thought, why not have you now? We got time to spare.”
“Joel- We- Someone could see us-” You sputter, and Joels already shaking his head with a knowing smirk. He pulls you around to the bed of the truck, popping it open, only pausing to spread open the jacket he grabbed, just having just thrown it in there when he came around to get you.
“No ones gonna come lookin’ for us.” He turns you around, pushing you down onto your front. “As long as youre quiet.” 
Fuck. You really hate this game. At least, you like to tell yourself that.
Blood rushes to your ears while Joels rough palms lift up the skirt of your dress, exposing your ass and thighs to the cool air. He whistles from behind you. 
“Red lace panties?” His fingers dont shy away from tracing along the fabric covering your cunt. “This new too?”
You crane your neck over your shoulder to look at his face. “Uh.. Surprise?”
Joels smiling now, fingers dipping under the lace. “Thas' awfully sweet of you.”
His touch slips and slides around your growing wetness, then trails down to your clit. Your voice wobbles a bit and fuck- fuck hes going too fast. “Joel- Ah-” You whimper and try to push yourself up to look at him but his hand is steady on your spine, keeping you down. 
Smug, “Go on, sweetheart. Keep sayin’ my name. Jus’ like that.”
A whine escapes you when he pulls away, “Nooo.” You push your ass back, as if to entice him. You succeed, because hes skipped his usual routine of fucking you with his hands and is now unbuckling his belt.
Joel rolls you onto your back, and peels your underwear all the way off, bunching it up and shoving it into his back pocket. Your face burns just watching him.
“Think i'll hold onto these for a lil’ while.”
His hands push the back of your knees towards your chest, exposing your heat. Youll never get used to the way he just seems so interested just watching your cunt squeeze around nothing. 
“Thats-” You swallow, pushing yourself up onto your elbows. "Joel.”
“Relax." He coos, "Seen it a thousand times already, and ill be seein' it a thousand more. Get used to it, honey.”
Your attention flickers down to where his dick is about to meet your entrance. Joels nudging you down onto your back again and pulling the top of your dress down to expose your chest. Its when youre distracted that he actually moves to push himself in.
Both of you groan together, and Joel could never get bored of fucking you, not when your cunt just pulses around him everytime hes inside you.
Joel wastes no time fucking you once he eases all the way inside. Youre trying your best to keep quiet. Shit is no easy task. Its like Joel is trying to get you guys arrested.
He props himself up with a hand near your head, and lets the other keep one of your legs pinned open. The moans start to claw out of your throat. “Joel- Joel-” 
“Shh. Thas’ enough.” He growls through his teeth, fucking you harder. “Youre gonna- Gh- Get us caught-”
Something rustles between the trees, making you both freeze. You clasp your hands over your mouth, watching Joel straighten up to look around.
After a few seconds of squinting, Joel can see a few foxes moving about through the trees. Thank fuck. His shoulders visibly relax.
Hushed, “E-Everything okay?”
“Yeah, jus’ some animals.” 
And like that, hes back to it. His dick is going to make your eyes permanently stay rolled into your head. 
Joel is always just so handsome when hes pounding into you. His forehead gets shiny with sweat, and his jaw is tight from clenching his teeth, keeping himself quiet so he can focus on your moans. His face is noticeably redder against his usual farmers tan too. Really, hes just so attractive.
A flurry of yes and harder and fuck spills out of your mouth and into your palms. Not too loud, you try to remind yourself.
“Joel- S’too much-”
“Nah, thas’ not it.” He huffs, humorous. “You can take it. Y'always do. In fact, you love gettin’ your cunt bullied by me, aint that right?” As if to get his point across, he thrust in all the way to the hilt, making you keen. You forgot how to breathe, lungs drawing tight in your chest.
"Fuck," You manage to squeeze out.
Your palms push weakly at his shoulders, trying to ground yourself somehow. His head drops to the junction of your neck and shoulder, inhaling deeply.
“You good?” He checks in, breath hot on your skin. As if your crying isnt enough.
“So g-good, Joel- Fuck- Youre so good.” 
With a little nod, Joels pushing himself up, switching to slow and deep strokes, really digging himself into you, and trying to find that spot he likes to call home.
He massages your chest, then squeezes your sides and your hips and finally, his thumb finds your clit. Immediately, you jolt. 
“Oh fuck-” 
“Quiet.” And he says it to keep the charade going, even though his favorite thing is hearing your sobs.
His thumb rubbing incessantly against your that sweet little nub of yours. You choke, and Joels chuckling, watching the way you squirm, body not knowing whether it should lean into his touch because its too good or away because its too much.
It starts with this firey feeling under the pad of his thumb, then deep inside your stuffed cunt. Youre going to cum. 
Your hands fly to your mouth again, and you get all wide eyed from the sensation. Its cute. Your muscles pull taut, legs locking around Joels hips. Youre wailing into your palm when it happens.
“Good girl,” His voice soothes you through it. “Very good.”
He pets away the fly aways sticking to your sweaty face when its over. Your eyes drop shut while you catch your breath. 
Joels moving again now. He rolls his hips a few times, and thumb is building the foundation of another orgasm in you. Youre shaking badly.
Your words slur too, “Cant- Too soon- Joel- Joel-”
“Another one.” Joel says firmly, but breathless. 
Youre gasping, not sure where to focus your eyes. The trees around you look like theyre spinning. Your attention is back on Joel, whos looking rather satisfied watching you squirm and cry. If thats how wants to play, then fine.
Your hands slide up Joels biceps, and rests on the nap of his neck to bring him down. “Juh-Joel,” You pant, cradling his face with both hands. “Youre so good- The best-”
Oh, Joel likes that one, you can tell by the way he looks away briefly. Shyness. Excitement runs up your spine. Joel loves being told hes doing well. 
“You are- Nghh-” You swallow the drool in your mouth, trying to get the words out clearly. “The best husband I could ever ask for.”
Joel wheezes, head dropping into the curve of your shoulder. “Please.”
“S’true,” You nod rapidly, fingers curling into his hair. “Youre so good to me and-and youre mine and- Joel-  Im yours.”
“Jesus-” He groans, soaking up the feeling of you pressing kisses to his face and up his jaw. 
“Hhah-  No one else can have me, okay? No one- Not even-”
The name doesnt even come out of your mouth before Joels coming to a stop to slip his arms all the way around your middle. With the new leverage he has on your body, hes drilling his way into you. You fucking squeal, rules now long forgotten. Youre a useless ragdoll in his arms and he wouldnt have it any other way.
Your lips are shiny with spit and left over lip gloss, and he can still taste the mintiness in his tongue. Every now and again your eyes drop shut, but his dick just punches into your guts a little harder. Look at me. 
Your brain is mush, just the way he likes it, and youre perfectly pliant in his arms, babbling over how good you feel. Hes kisses along the valley of your breasts now, stopping to suck the flesh of your nipples.
Youre just so pretty. Even when you have bedhead, or youre snotty from a cold, or youre all dirty from working in the garden  youre still so pretty. Including now, all sweaty with you lipgloss all smudged and your mascara starting to run. Youre perfect. 
Joel grunts loud, jaw clenched tight as he gets lost in the feeling of your insides. His perfect little wife.
When he cums, hes doubling over with a loud grunt, getting a few last thrusts in before his spent floods your cunt.
Youre blinking away your tears, now watching the clouds inch along the sky. It really is a beautiful day. You pet Joels sweaty hair, and kiss the side of his temple. Your core throbs faintly. Jesus, he did a number on you.
“Love,” You say softly, patting his back.
“Mm?”
“Get up.” Another pat. “Youre squishing me.” 
Joel backs off to buckle himself up, but you stay seated to catch your breath and adjust your dress. At least it didnt get ripped during all the… Commotion. Not like last time.
“I need my underwear back.”
“Nope,”
“Joel.”
He kisses the center of your forehead and helps you down from the bed and into the passenger seat instead.  “Told you i'm keepin’ ‘em.”
You sputter, “I cant go to barbecue commando!”
“Sure you can.” He pops open the glove compartment and gets out some tissues, hand snaking under your dress again to clean you. You sigh softly at the sensation.
“Youre the worst.”
“I am indeed the worst.” Joel pulls the seatbelt over your chest and clicks it in. “You can tell me all about it on the way to Tommys.” 
471 notes · View notes
etheralisi · 1 year ago
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I’ve been thinking about in-universe media so. Heh. Why don’t we tumblrify the ending of the rottmnt movie
Update: here’s part 2 and 3+3.5
💫silent_swirl Follow
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Nice knowing you guys
🥐ittybittyypastrypuff Follow
Wtf??? Where do you live?
⏱️lordoftimeandspace Follow
You can’t just ask someone where they live
💰rhymeonthedime Follow
op must be from new york. i’ve been trying to text my sister who lives there all day and when she finally gets back to me, it’s to send me a photo of her being chased by some weird??? fleshy???? car? i think the pink stuff was growing inside of it?
🥐ittybittyypastrypuff Follow
The hell is happening in your city?
🔥guess-ill-die Follow
The end of the world
🐛lugbugg Follow
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🎙️do-re-mimimi Follow
Where else would you learn that?
14,056 notes
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🚀jj-sails Follow
Alien invasion???? This is not how Jupiter Jim said it would go
267 notes
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🦙dramallama Follow
So who had alien invasion on the 2020 apocalypse bingo card
🤠see-you-in-space-cowboy Follow
At this point no one is surprised 
#give it two months. somehow something will find a way to top this
12,435 notes
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⚔️ bluejitsu Follow
I lived bitch
🌑faded-moonlight Follow
Context?
⚔️ bluejitsu Follow
No ✨
43 notes
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🎨 asprinkleofrazzmatazz Follow
Sorry everyone  ::> ︵ <:: No more art until my hands are healed up. Doctor’s orders
🧸bear-with-me Follow
Are you okay? 🥺🥺💞
🎨 asprinkleofrazzmatazz Follow
♡ ♡ Achy. But I realllllly want to drawwwwwww
#I have so many ideas right now #currently trying and failing to draw with feet #but I am determined 
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👾aliens-among-us Follow
Time to storm Area 51 again
#they can’t stop all of us #look I just want to see aliens in person okay #if they can’t invade my city then what’s the point #I know they have to be keeping some of those pink blobs in there
67 notes
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🟦 outoftouchoutoftime Follow
Hello
🏒 hockeyordeath Follow
JUNIOR! HELLO
I SEE YOU HAVE DISCOVERED THE INTERNET
🟦 outoftouchoutoftime Follow
It’s Sensei’s fault
⚔️ bluejitsu Follow
#I?????? #don’t just look at me it was purple too
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🛸 atomiclass9000 Follow
I smell the scent of betrayal in the air.
#not science posting #blue I’m looking at you
77 notes
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✍️writingprompts Follow
You are a time traveller sent back to stop the apocalypse before it ever began. Only problem is: you aren’t sent back far enough.
🟦 outoftouchoutoftime Follow
Relatable 
💥zipzapzoom Follow
Umm???
4,522 notes
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🕜has-lou-jitsu-been-found-yet Follow
Day 3667 of me posting: no
🪽angelofhell Follow
Wow this blog is dedicated
101 notes
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🐝 dizzee-bee Follow
Why do aliens always invade NYC? What’s so special? Why don’t they ever invade Las Vegas huh? What about Boston? Where are my aliens in D.C? So many cities and you’re telling me they chose New York? If aliens really did invade I bet you they wouldn’t even come near it
🐝 dizzee-bee Follow
This post… aged
🐾 ultimate_cataclysm  Follow
Pay up op
1,356 notes
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🦊redfoxtrott Follow
there’s something weird going on in this city. remember that time at the stadium? suddenly it’s a free for all on world domination i swear
🪩glitter-jam Follow
I thought the whole stadium thing was a publicity stunt
👋saysayonara Follow
I thought that was a rogue cosplayer 
#for real though. What even happened to them?
11,388 notes
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🌎yes-the-earth-is-flat Follow
Wow. So tumblr thinks it can gaslight me int thinking aliens exits huh? Well think again
🌎yes-the-earth-is-flat Follow
Stop bringing up my username. You know im right
2,488 notes
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🏒 hockeyordeath Follow
NO, MY KEYBOARD IS NOT STUCK LIKE THIS. EVERY LETTER I TYPE IS AS IT IS MEANT TO BE SAID. WITH PURPOSE AND VOLUME.
🏒 hockeyordeath Follow
IF MY USERNAME COULD BE IN CAPITALS YOU KNOW IT WOULD BE 
🛸 atomiclass9000 Follow
I can help with this
#give me one minute and some flavourless juice
122 notes
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💃disco-girl Follow
My apartment was almost flattened by a giant freakin robot a few years back. And now aliens????? I’m moving
#guys I’m just. So. Done with all of this
67 notes
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🎙️do-re-mimimi Follow
So did the aliens just up and leave? What’s the story here?
🎩man-with-a-top-hat Follow
There have been various sightings of lights across the sky. I have not been able to find any reliable sources on the cause, but the general consensus is the lights pushed the aliens back where they came from. 
🦇batarang Follow
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This photo of some person swinging around the city has been making rounds on twitter
🐚seashellsshesells Follow
Pretty lights and vigilantes? 
5,993 notes
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❌cant-think-of-a-user Follow
So what are we calling these aliens? They need a cool, alien sounding name ‘cuz all I’ve been seeing around is ‘land squids’, ‘brain goop’ and shoutout to that one discord user who used the words ‘pink gelatinous parsnip’ to describe them.
👊punch-moodi Follow
Have they ever seen a parsnip before?
🤏deadly-nerve-pinch Follow
What about Utroms? They kinda look like the aliens from Jupiter Jim’s Last Trip to the Moon 9
❌cant-think-of-a-user Follow
Isn’t your fandom super dead?
🤏deadly-nerve-pinch Follow
Say that to our 80+ movies. Your faves could never 
🚀jj-sails Follow
Fandom still going strong 💪 
🍎almond-apple Follow
Why does everyone keep on calling them aliens? Are we sure they’re not just failed government test subjects? Haven’t there been mutant sightings in NYC before?
❌cant-think-of-a-user Follow
Sorry, mutants???
👾aliens-among-us Follow
Nah it’s defo aliens
❌cant-think-of-a-user Follow
#so far 3 votes for Utroms and 22 for parsnips #sigh
3,751 notes
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🫎duck-duck-moose Follow
Children are terrifying 
💤needsomezzzzzzz Follow
Agreed. But I feel like there’s a story here
🫎duck-duck-moose Follow
Was walking back from work, and I was like nearly home right? I turn a corner and there: a sea of cheering girl scouts. Who are they cheering on you ask? Their… cult (?) leader? Tearing one of those aliens apart with her bare hands. And the kids are just laughing and some are even joining in? They must have nerves of steel
💤needsomezzzzzzz Follow
Woah
🌽 sherlock_corn Follow
@  HOCKEYORDEATH Hey look at this
372 notes
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💀outoftouchoutoftime Follow
Set a profile picture because apparently everyone’s blocking me thinking I’m a bot?
🥊 red_hotsoup Follow
Sorry CJ
9 notes
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asprinkleofrazzmatazz said: Spread the sunshine ☀️ Post this in at least 5 ask boxes to let them know they make you happy
🥊 red_hotsoup Follow
Aww, hey Orange
⚔️ bluejitsu Follow
Hey, where’s my ask
⚔️ bluejitsu Follow
Orange?
⚔️ bluejitsu Follow
Oh 
10 notes
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asprinkleofrazzmatazz said: Spread the bugs 🪳 Post this in at least 5 ask boxes to let them know they’re bugging you
⚔️ bluejitsu Follow
Two can play at this game
🎨asprinkleofrazzmatazz Follow
Jk ☀️☀️☀️
29 notes
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🛸 atomiclass9000 Follow
I remember the good old days on tumblr. Back when my brothers didn’t know the name of my account. Back when they didn’t bug me in my inbox
🍞shortbutsweetbread Follow
Then make another one?
🛸 atomiclass9000 Follow
Gasp. And leave behind a username such as this? I’m attached.
🌽 sherlock_corn Follow
What about your sister?
🛸 atomiclass9000 Follow
You’re fine
⚔️ bluejitsu Follow
Favouritism 
128 notes
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🐱sophinophie Follow
Whoever you heroes are
Thank you.  
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❤️🧡💜💙
#I don’t know how you did it. Or what you even look like #but one thing is for sure and that’s that you are heroes 
189 notes
1K notes · View notes
insomniadreamzz · 3 months ago
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So it‘s 7AM and I already have an idea for a short fic I will post here ofc Jinx x Fem!Reader but it will be modern AU
Lemme know if you like this. ❤️
TW: mention of mental illness, mention of blood, fluff. Smut next part (?)
Attention ⚠️ mentall illnes is not a kink. I just want to write a little about Jinx mental problems because it just is a part of her.
——
Forbidden love
Part 1
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You are working at the local mental hospital, today you got a new Patient. She was your age and totally messed up. As far as you could read out of the documents she had a terrible past, losing her family. You are a very empathic woman so you felt sorry for most of your patients but kept your professionality. This woman went by the name ‚Jinx‘ nobody really knew her real name, she never mentioned it. So you didn’t know a lot about her personal details.
Jinx was sitting on her bed in her room, pinching the flesh of her thumb until it was bleeding, the voices in her head talking. ‚Look where you ended up‘ ‚you can’t do anything right‘ ‚All you do is chaos‘
She didn’t even flinch when the door to her room opened as you went in to do your routine check.
„Hello I am (Y/N) I am your nurse today.“ You said politely and got nothing in return. You are used to patients not talking to you, even disliking you. Most see you as annoying.
„Shut up…shut up…“ You heard her talk to herself in a low voice, noticing she was struggling and seeing that she was harming herself. You felt sorry for her. She was beautiful tho, her long blue hair catched your eye immediately, it was everything you saw yet because her hair was covering most of her face as she sat there.
„What do you want?“ Jinx finally spoke to you, realising you‘re not a hallucination.
„I just wanted to check on you and bring you your meds.“ You said with a smile as you stepped closer to her, her eyes finally meeting yours, making you feel stunned by her beauty. „Fuck off.“ She mentioned and you sighed. „Come on, I don’t want anything bad.“ You tried to get through her but you knew breaking through her wall won’t be easy, crouching down in front of her to be at her level.
„You know, please don’t do that. You shouldn’t harm your beautiful skin.“ You said as you looked at her damaged thumb. Her skin was pale, beautiful like porcelain.
„And why would you care? You are just doin your job anyways. Nobody really cares here.“
You just sighed again at her response, your eyes scanning the room, seeing the untouched breakfast on the little table in the room, making you frown. She was starving herself for days.
„Okay. I respect your decision.“ You said before leaving the room, deciding not to let it escalate.
It was afternoon by now which meant all the patients in your section habe therapy time now. Everyone of your patients got a therapy session that fits individually to them. Making music, drawing, crafting, others who were getting better even played games with each other.
You were at the art therapy, your job was just sitting there, observing the patients and to your surprise Jinx was part of it.
Some weeks passed and you always went through the same routine. Jinx being not very cooperative in the morning. You always met her at the art therapy session, figuring out she was more the creative one. She never went to a different one, always hiding herself behind her art which was beautiful. She chose bright colors and drew a lot graffiti like stuff.
„What’s the matter (Y/N)? You staring again.“ You heard your coworker, Sevika talk to you. She was older than you and had more knowledge. Other than you, Sevika was neutral towards all the patients, not showing lot of emotion.
„I am not staring…“ You huffed but the blush on your cheeks told her otherwise. „Uh huh…of course not.“ She nudged you and you scoffed. „She’s a patient, I can’t.“ You mentioned and that only made Sevika smirk, happy she was right with her observation. „Ya know. The boss doesn’t have to know. Besides…she does look at you too.“
„You’re just seeing things…“ You didn’t really want to listen more to Sevika, knowing this conversation is pointless. Plus it will only make you more nervous. Luckily you had to go now, doing some documenting before your shift ends for today.
Night shift.
You did your routine, checking on all the patients, making sure everyone was in their room, choosing to look for Jinx the last.
When you opened the door silently, you saw she was still awake, staring at nothing until she noticed you stepping in. „Can’t sleep?“ You ask and gain a shrug from her. „I don’t know, what does it look like?“
You ignored her attitude and closed the door behind you before taking a seat beside her, making her shift a little bit away. „Wanna talk?“ You ask and she just looked at you with a annoyed expression. „About what? How fucked up I am?“
She wasn’t wrong, a lot of nurses and doctors confronted the patients but that wasn’t your plan. You wanted to make her feel comfortable towards you. „Jinx…I don’t want to judge you. You had enough of that. I just want to help. If it helps, we don’t even have to talk. I can just give you some company.“ You suggested and see her expression soften a little, signaling you to stay.
You stayed for while, the silence between the both of you was kind of soothing. Jinx didn’t say anything, only looking at you every now and then and so did you. You kept your promise on just being there.
Your service phone interrupted the silence, making you hang up. Another section asked for something so you had to look up for it and get up from the bed. „I need to go. You know you can always ring if you need something.“ You said, abiut to leave but Jinx stopped you in your tracks with saying „Thank you.“ and it was the biggest success.
Your daily routines went on, day by day the same things, only thing helping you with not getting totally insane was your fave coworker Sevika who always kept an eye on you. She was like a bigger sister to you, you loved working with her.
Some things had changed between you and Jinx. You were the only one Jinx talked to, she didn’t open up completely but you did cause her protective wall to crack a little. She went to you when she needed something and only you.
Today it was a sunny day and that meant outdoor therapy. Fresh air and sunlight is always a good thing and once it got announced Jinx met your eyes, her look begging for you to go with her. People who were stable enough could walk on their own, of course still under observation. Jinx wasn’t one of them so she had to be with one of the nurses, of course only wanting to go with you.
You walked around the specific area where it was allowed to move outside the building for patients, again the silence between you two but you enjoyed it. You enjoyed it way too much than you should.
„I…just wanted to save them.“ You heard Jinx mumble under her breath, making you frown as you turned your head to look at her. „I fucked up. As always. I just wanted to help and-…“ She stopped, making you feel bad for her. „It’s okay Jinx. You don’t have to explain.“ You reassured her and she nodded in response. As you walked, you notice her arm gently brushing against yours, making you blush. The contact was quick and didn’t last long but you enjoyed it.
There was a bench near which was a good spot to take a little pause, sitting on it and Jinx followed you. She still looked tired. Very tired. The bags under her eyes clearly showing she didn’t sleep a lot, maybe not at all.
Something definitely was different than before. Jinx didn’t want to keep the most distance possible like before, she sat close to you so that you could smell her scent. Her beautiful scent.
‚God…what am I actually doing here..‘ You thought to yourself, feeling yourself getting nervous. Jinx eyes met yours, she had a different look on her face when she looked at you. More softer.
„I like…the way you handle me. The silence, not wanting to push me like the others. Thank you (Y/N).“ She finally said and your heart felt all warm. Jinx even remembered your name, you only mentioned it once.
You knew Jinx was way smarter than anyone here thought. She was creative, smart and beautiful. Only damaged…poor Jinx. You wanted to help her so bad. Your eye contact lasted for longer than usual, you couldn’t look away like they hypnotised you in a good way. „No problem.“ You answered with a smile, noticing her eyes move to look at your lips, making you feel even more nervous, feeling like your heart will jump out of your chest.
„I uh…we should make our way back. The time we are allowed to be out will be over soon.“ You said, hating yourself from interrupting this beautiful moment but you did that for your own sake. The blue haired woman gave you a nod. She didn’t look disappointed, more understanding which was a surprise. „Sure.“
You walked back to the building, you couldn’t help but feel eyes on you, as if someone was observing the situation between you two.
When you sat in front of the PC, doing documentations, you suddenly got interrupted by Sevika rushing into the office. „(Y/N), our boss wants to talk to you now. Didn’t I told you to be careful with Jinx??“ She said and your eyes widen in shock, did he see you and Jinx almost kiss???
——
Whee! Should I do Part 2 with a lil smut in it? 👀 or is it boring??
193 notes · View notes
greenxgloss · 5 days ago
Note
Can we get a bts fanboy headcanon?
BTS as Fanboys
themes: Idol!Reader, Gn!Reader, Fluff, angst
Gonna be completely honest im not sure if you wanted bts as fanboys or how bts interacts with their fanboys so I'm gonna do them as fanboys bc I feel like that's the more interesting of the two (I'm so so sorry if that's wrong in which case you can totally request it again and be more clear I would totally re-write it if I'm wrong)
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Kim Seokjin
Jin definitely roasts other fans and claims to be a day 1 supporter.
"I literally knew them when they just posted covers online.
Jin buys all your merch, official and unofficial.
Jin spends hours watching fan-made edits of you.
Jin plays the Sims4 just to create you as a sim and then spoil your sim but forces it to write new music when you're on break/hiatus.
"Close enough. Welcome back, Y/N. When's the next album?"
Jin makes his own video compilations of your funny moments and then laughs at them for hours.
Proud of his obsession and talks about you when he doesn't know what else to talk about with new people.
Attends fan meets
Jin makes memes of the fandom's inside jokes
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Min Yoongi
Yoongi buys all your albums (cd form, vinyl form etc.) just to have and collect
He writes fanfiction of you (series, one shots etc) mostly fluff but there is the occasional smutty fic, hyper erotic and juicy asf but still respectful.
He's secretly hugely infatuated but still keeps it subtle/ to himself
"Yeah their music is always in my playlists." with his usual kitten smile.
"Collaborating on something with them would be a huge accomplishment." Hed calmly reply to comments about you on weverse live.
Yoongi paints portraits of you/ makes tons of fan art but its not obvious that its fanart because he makes it look like regular everyday art.
Yoongi not only watches your interviews, he reads them, enjoying the articles far more than video interviews.
"they seem much more comfortable and open in the written interviews" hed say to himself
He's so delulu he learned all your rumoured favourite foods and how to cook them "just in case"
zones out thinking about the meanings behind your songs
Youre his celebrity crush
Yoongi doesn't attend fan meets or concerts because he a more lowkye/ private fan
just interact with the fandom
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Jung heosok
Hobi writing remixes of your songs constantly
Hobi being the only one of the boys to actually be friends with you in real life
"can I get on a remix of your recent single?"
Gossiping with him about other idols
"did you hear about the scandal that group was in? they haven't even debuted yet." while tapping your hand before leaning back.
him still being a mega fan despite being friends with you
Having a yoongi and halsey dynamic
begging you to stream on weverse all the time just because he knows other fans want it just as bad.
"come on!! please just an hour. ill get you those cookies you really love.
reposting all your Instagram posts with sweet captions.
"bestie is looking so good!!!" with a ton of emojis
recreating your tiktok dances
also starts dance trends to your music and encourages people to jump on the trend
"I'll repost your video if you do this dance." big heart shaped smile.
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Kim Namjoon
namjoon studies your lyrics, finds the double meanings and the word play
"reviews" and reacts to your music in YouTube videos
watches the countdown to your music being released on whatever platform (youtube, weverse etc.)
"supposedly the camera rig malfunctioned on set, that's why the camera is so shaky but they didn't re-shoot because it added to the windy scene" he'd say all jumpy and giddy like a kid on a sugar rush
has your autograph framed from the one and only time he met you
namjoon was very flustered and shy when he met you
"oh uh yeah I love your music and the double meanings in your last song."
gushes about the cinematography in your music videos
Namjoon writes questions he'd ask you if he got to interview you
Watches movies and tags you as characters that remind him of you
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Park Jimin
Loves to let your music play while he's doing something and then harmonizes with your vocals
buys Vip tickets to all your events
posts your lyrics on social media
"this part omg!!!"
One time you smiled at him in the crowd and he freaked out and bragged about it for months
"they totally smiled at me last night"
"do you think they remember me from the fan meet last month?"
he's constantly talking with other fans
jimin makes bracelets with letter beads that spell your name or album names
jimin copies your makeup just because he thinks you're the picture of beauty purely in a view of admiration
he views you like greek statues.
"wow- their cheekbones-" he'd say in awh, face right up to the screen while he held a mirror and makeup brush in hands.
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Kim Taehyung
requests your songs at parties and other events
begs the guys to do a cover of your songs on stage
name drops you in interviews and is always talking about you in his own interviews
has a huge crush on you and will say so proudly
"they're so pretty. Y/n if you see this, call me." with a sly smirk on his face, completely disregarding the uproar it would cause with army
Taehyung gets super shy when you say his name
Being shy despite being so confident when he talks about you in interviews
"uh- oh- the new song- yeah." while giggling
apologizing profusely when you tease him about the interviews when he comes to fan meets
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Jeon Jungkook
Jungkook would write a song about you that's how down bad he is
Posts on social media in hopes you see it
Kook argues with taehyung about thinking he'd treat you better given the chance
argues with jin about being a bigger fan
picks out his outfits to coordinate with yours
kook hopes to run into you at award shows
stalks your fanpages
reads yoongis fanfiction about you
probably is the more devoted fan among the other members
sings your songs all the time, in the car, shower, while cooking, etc.
the only one of the boys that talks to you confidently
"Your style is amazing, I take inspiration all the time." while standing up straight and s soft confident smile on his lips, eye contact unwavering.
but he would never admit that he's written and released songs about you
+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+
sorry this took so long i was trying to get all the requests in order! i hope these were up to par hcs are usually very rushed. if you'd like something more detailed or even full drabbles id totally be down to do that. if you wanna be tagged in future works to be notified when I've posted a fic please fill out the taglist form linked below along with the masterposts
➽ Yoongi Masterlist ➽ Main Masterlist ➽ Taglist Form
116 notes · View notes
greatmothsukk · 6 days ago
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I have not been a very happy girl. The last half yeah has just kept feeling worse and worse. I need it to be better. I need to be happy. For those who wanna hear ill talk some below. Otherwise enjoy this chelsey with her little otter
Last summer was the best part of my life. Constant fishing. Dating a woman I was head over heels for. Fully expecting Trump to lose the election. Every thing was going okay. Then all that went away. Even fishing hasn't picked up much. I've been in such a muck this whole time. Politics went from suspense to dread in a instant and now constant fear and paranoia. I try to escape it I fucking can't. I can't just skedaddle over the boarder to somewhere else and leave. And it isn't clearing up anytime soon. Meanwhile the break up was amicable with no hard feelings but Still hit me so hard after imagining always having her by my side. And recently learned she has a gf now. Im happy for her but after spending months wishing and wishing to finally hear her call me her girlfriend and for that day to never come, it did sting my heart a little hearing her call someone Else that title i coveted so dearly. I know many more wonderful people but she was only the 2nd ive ever found so close to me I could really see her. Also the heartbreak made me shy away from other friends I have a crush on cause those feelings reminded me of her too much and didn't wanna have a negative association with them.
And I've felt like I've done so little and keep watching everyone else's lives move forward. I had been struggling to make art for a while and my attempts to make videos has been stunted cause I hate my voice so bad and voice training keeps failing. And its been hard to decide on stuff to make cause I don't care about what I make art of much. I don't really play video games or watch any shoes and don't wanna. I haven't really wanted to play pokemon in ages. I just like making art of these things but trying to play yugioh is a slog. I wish I had Passion. I wish I had interests that actually drove me and made me excited. And the bigger my platform has become the more isolated ive felt. Even here, once I hit like 1000 followers people started acting weird again like im some upper class whos they're either innoying trying to talk to or Assuming im a snobby cunt. It sucks cause I see smaller artists with lovely little communities I always wished for. But instead i have a web of friends who some of which dislike each other they have one another blocked.
And as for my home life it hasn't been fun. My boyfriend is wonderful but justAs depressed if not worse. Too many arguments. And far too many dead pets. All while the house falls apart more every day and im not allowed to fix it.
My only saving grace recently has been knowing that fishing will pick up soon and that I have been able to keep up with the hoenn dex. It helps me prove that I can accomplish something big. And I can stick to something. Its why im more and more confident that ill be able to keep up with having patreon exclusive pieces when that starts. It makes sure this winter wasn't a total waste. It makes sure I live through it all.
If you read all this thank you. Im sorry if my posts have made you fear at all recently for me. Im trying to stop being a loser. I wanna be good. I wanna be happy.
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