#sorry if nothing makes sense im sick rn

[mars-cant-draw]

bill doodlies

[csainz5]

Mine || Charles Leclerc #16

pairing: charles leclerc x girlfriend!reader

summary: in which seeing people ship you with other drivers fuels the possessiveness in charles.

author notes: can u tell ive been obsessed with culpa mia. also this is my first charles fic (!!!) i made sm tweaks to the original req im so sorry 😭 deff been in a slump recently bc exams but 🙏 no beta read!! this one is still raw asf lol

req: yes/no.

wc: 1.2k words

————

the air as the weekend approached was filled with an adrenaline of its own. drivers loitering on the paddock, a camera shoved up each one of their faces. most of them were making videos for their teams social media, while others were giving interviews. silly banter & playful hazing surrounded the place as the free practices neared. as calm and laid back as the environment was, a new buzz had taken over the virtual world. it seemed like the redbull fans had taken on a new intrest in a the friendship you and max shared, suspecting it could be more than just friends. you’re shocked as you read through the articles, what could possibly make it seem like you were both in any sense more than just friends? max was like the brother you never had, and you, the sister he had always hoped of having. as much as the articles were delusional, you didnt really care that much about them, i mean why would you be afraid when there’s nothing youre scared of being open to the public? okay, maybe not everything. not the time when you were so drunk you demanded every guy on the paddock to quote “settle it with me on the ring”, not the time when you were the culprit behind the hilarious azerbaijan mix up where you stole the champagne on the podium and replaced it with an empty one, and definitely not the fact that you’re already taken, by a person known to all on the paddock.

—

The morning of the race was always an exhilarating one no matter which team youre driving for, or which team you’re rooting for. the passion, the dedication and the confidence in the each and every drivers persona was enough to fill you in the same mindset. though youve always been a redbull fan, which, i mean is definitely not even surprising considering you probably frequent their garage more than some of their own engineers, youve always held an admiration for all the drivers. even you knew how dominant the redbull cars were, so seeing the rest of the drivers still catch up with less resources filled your heart with pride. you look up at the fan’s waiting impatiently for the race to start with a smile on your face. this, will never get boring, you think.

Lord Percival 👑

can’t find you anywhere near here, don’t tell me you’re ditching me today yet again 😔

a chuckle escapes your lips.

You

i wouldve come over but you’re all the way across rn 😭 i’ll definitely be waiting for you after the race tho.

Lord Percival 👑

wow. way to betray me over text babe

You

okay drama queen 😒

Lord Percival 👑

guess you rubbed off on me then mon jolie

You

ill make it up to you, i always do.

just before you press send, you notice the drivers had already left for their respective interviews. whats the point in sending it now anyways, you decide.

—

the dark looms over the sky as celebrations near. the smell of alcohol, weed and god knows fucking what become all too familiar to you at this point. you reach the party alongside max, which considering he’s your best friend was not out of the ordinary for you, but little did you know, it didn’t help the ongoing rumours one bit. the familiar stench of reporters clogs your mind. what the hell were the doing here? and more importantly why were all of them suddenly taking an intrest in your friendship with max? question after question is thrown at you which makes you realise youve had enough of this. you reach for your phone.

You

screw this party

wanna meet up at our usual spot?

Lord Percival 👑

im always down 🙏

—

you could never get sick of this. the same ride, the same atmosphere, the exact same playlist playing over and over again, the curves of the road as you drive through. because you know, at the end of this journey would be the same thing you look forward to, every time. so you get into you car, and drive the same drive to the same spot, once again. at a pillar reading out “623” you stop by the ferrari you know all too well.

there he was. i could never get used to seeing him like this, you think, dressed up in formals but looking formal in no way whatsoever. shriveled hair, buttons unbuttoned, jewellery he knows how to style in just the right way. his crazed eyes of emerald, gazing into you with an intensity that makes your nerves shiver.

“took you long enough to come here” he says, holding you waist. “it was a longer drive than usual” “is that so?” he says, stepping aside you to rest against his ferrari, right beside you. folding his arms, he continues, pulling a cigarette out of his blazer, “want one?” “please, today was a bitch” “i could say the same for me, really” he reaches towards you, lighting your cigarette. “races in monaco are my favourite” he says, looking up at the sky. “yeah, id imagine so. nothing beats home” “yeah, it’s great to be home and all, but theres also something in monaco that beats the thrill any race could give me” he steps forwards, hands placed beside either sides of you.

he pulls the cigarette from your lips, taking in a puff himself. he brings his lips to your ear, “or rather, theres someone in monaco, who beats the thrill any race could give me” he whispers, blowing the smoke away. he flicks the cigarette aside and steps on it, as he lifts your face up, meeting your eyes with his own. “someone who sighs right when i kiss her here,” he goes on to place a chaste kiss on your mole, right on your neck by your jawline. and like a story repeated enough times, you sigh. “someone who arches her back when i pull her hair slightly like this,” he gently tugs your hair, making a makeshift ponytail and like a telltale, you arch your back, the satisfaction of being right sprawled across charles’s face.

“but of all, the one thing that makes me come back to this place again and again, is knowing that—“ he lifts your hips up, making you wrap your legs around him. “you’re mine.” the second he says that, its like all the dots connected in your head. you never thought charles would be jealous of the rumours, given how he was the one who didn’t want your relationship to be public. “charles, are you jealous?” you ask. “so what if i am?” “well, i for one wouldnt want my boyfriend to be feeling like that anymore” “what do you mean?” you pull out your phone from your clutch, “kiss me” “wait what are you doing?” “i said, kiss me” you say, pulling him in by his jaw. “im conf-“ you kiss him, shutting him up. as he closes his eyes he finds himself to not be able to help himself from drowning into you, well atleast until a flash brings him out of his trance. “im going to post it.” “you don’t have to, you know” “but i want to. i want everyone to know how much you mean to me charles. you’re my favourite person and i would hate to see you be jealous”

——

“i can’t believe you actually did it, jolie” “its the least i could do” you say, pecking his cheek. “but ive gotta say, i definitely wouldnt mind seeing this shade of you more often” “you haven’t seen the end of me yet, mon ange”

[bhaalspawn300]

My love is sick

Astarion x GN Tav

Summary- From knowing nothing but pain to suddenly being treated with care Astarion can’t help but feel like there’s always a shoe waiting to drop…

Notes- kind of a wee venty work….im sorry…I will write fluff….at somepoint…anyway its midnight rn and I’ve typed this on my phone so apologises if theirs Grammer mistakes I’ll fix them tomorrow on my laptop lel

Sickly sweet.

That’s the only way Astarion can describe how he feels hearing how soft Tav speaks to him. Every soft spoken words of reassurance makes him feel sick, every comforting touch burns his skin, every kind action from them makes him feel disgusted, after everything they know about him from his time under Cazador, to the many lives he ruined using his charms after everything they both and their party have been through how can they still look at him with those eyes full of love? It disgusts him.

It disgusts Astarion to his very core that their wasting their time with him, he expects them to use him or grow tired of him but yet their still here, their still by his side after breaking his trance from the nightmares, they still offer their blood to him when needed, they still offer a shoulder for him to cry on, it truly turns his stomach that someone who radiates as much love and warmth as the sun would even spare him a second glance

“-Starion is everything okay? You’ve been glaring at your glass for the last minuet”

Shaking himself free from his thoughts he looks towords them only to be met with those eyes of concern

“I know the wine isn’t the best but I don’t think the glass deserves that glare”

Avoiding their eyes astarion can’t help but let out a sigh of frustration as he hears Tav continue to speak with nothing but kindness his anger and fear begin to bubble past boiling point as he is unable to contain his emotions as he slams the cup in the table before letting all his anger and fear come pouring out

“PLEASE JUST STOP”

Unable to hold in all the feelings Astarion can feel himself begin to spill out all his thoughts he’s tried to keep at bay and unable to stop

“JUST STOP TREATING ME AS A EQUAL CAUSE WE BOTH KNOW THAT ITS A LIE”

Feeling the air in the air turn to ice and feeling the eyes of their companions on them Tav just stays silent while letting Astarion unleash everything

“WHY DO YOU STILL PRETEND TO CARE?! IS IT FOR THE PITTY POINTS?! FOR THE THRILL OF HAVINF A VAMPIRE SPAWN IN YOUR PARTY”

“Of course not Star please jus-“

“WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH FOR A BROKEN SPAWN LIKE ME?!”

Feeling himself struggle to keep the tears at bay and clenching his fists even harder he can’t help but to look to the ground to avoid their look of pity

“I’m not even useful anymore so why do you still care”

Slowly raising from their chair and making their way over to Astarion, gently taking his hand into their own running their thumbs alongside his knuckles

“My star I do not pretend to care about you for pity nor to use you, I’m sorry that no one else has shown you such care and love in 200 years”

Placing a small kiss to his knuckles they let one of his hands free bring their hand to cup his face to slowly wipe his tears away

“I wish you could see yourself how I see you, I love you more than the gods, I’d fight the nine hells and back just to prove to you how much my heart is yours”

Snapping his head up to meet their eyes for the first time in what feels like forever Astarion can’t help but look at them with eyes full of hope but still holding a sense of fear

“For as long as I live and breath you own my heart Astarion not out of pity nor greed but for love, I’ll always be here for you and with you for as long as you’ll have me”

Feeling his lip tremble he can’t help but squeeze their hand as reassurance,

Smiling towards him and asking for his permission before making their way closer and bringing him into a warm embrace Astarion finally lets go of all the pain and doubt he felt as he also lets out a small apology for his outburst as he melts into the embrace while Tav holds him securely while playing with the curls in his

“I hope it’s okay for me to love you forever my star”

[voltronisanobsession]

Ok I know I’ve been gone for over a month BUT HEAR ME OUT GUYS‼️

I’ve been going through this phrase where I’m reading a lot of yandere content rn (I gobble that shit UP), and idk the toxicity of it all is giving me a lot of inspo lowkey💀

Like imagine a manipulative reader. HEAR ME OUUUTT

No one knows it but reader is a secret spy at camp half blood (love this trope) and grows super close to Percy. Like they grow close really quickly, you show him your deepest secrets and whatnot to gain his trust and he doesn’t even know it.

Percy shares his own secrets and experiences with you because he feels so connected to you!! It’s on a whole different level and he can’t help but slowly fall for you. And you know this. As much as it hurts you (or doesn’t) to gain the trust of this boy who’s obviously fallen for you, you know you gotta do your job.

You begin to know him on such a deep level and you use it to your advantage. You sway and manipulate any choices he has to make.

Im still on the first few chapters of heroes of Olympus so I still don’t know the plot to it sorry💀 so let’s just say reader is manipulating Percy for their own personal gain, or like planning to sell any information they gain from him to monsters, who knows.

Percy has no clue what’s so ever, but Annabeth can sense something’s off with you. The way you cling to Percy, almost like a leech, as her suspicious.

And when she confronts you, tears. Tears EVERYWHERE. And Percy falls for them. He falls for your crocodile tears because it physically HURTS him to see you crying.

He would console you, quickly muttering sweet nothings as he rubs your arms in order to ‘calm’ you down, hugging you, not knowing the dark look in your eyes as you stare down Annabeth.

Lowkey you would start pitting him against everyone around camp. Lying to him by saying how there’s nasty rumors going around about you made by some of the campers. You’re basically the devil on his shoulder, whispering into his ears exaggerated lies and deception.

And Percy believes everything you say! Why? Because he’s too down bad. This dude practically worships the ground you walk on, so when you slowly start influencing the decisions he makes, he doesn’t question it.

He believes that youre only trying to help him😭 that you only want what’s best for him so he blindly trusts your judgement.

He trusts you sm that he tells you everything you ask about. And if it’s after he went into the Styx river, he’ll even tell you where his weakness. his WEAKNESS

Like bro. You even start to realize that you’ve dragged yourself too deep into what you thought was a game. People and monsters would kill to have this information, you could get killed if anyone found out you knew.

You start feeling guilty for taking advantage of Percy. I mean, he willingly told you the one thing that can kill him, it’s such a big weight on your shoulders now that you can’t help the shame from creeping on you.

Idk, this reader seems like the type to run from their problems, so they most likely do. Over the course of a night, you disappear, cutting all contact with Percy, the camp, everything. You would leave nothing but a short and curt note to him and maybe even Annabeth.

‘Percy, I’m so sorry for lying to you. You didn’t see it but Annabeth did. I’m sorry. -y/n’

And that’s it. Percy would be so hurt and confused, betrayed when he finds out everything. He wants to believe that it’s some sick joke but this is his reality.

He gave you all of him and you just threw it on the ground and crushed it beneath your feet. You quite literally ripped this poor dudes heart straight of his chest with zero remorse, how could you do that to him bro?💀💀💀

He definitely holds some kind of grudge against you. If y’all ever cross paths again, MAJOORR yikes.😬😬 after you leave, Percy grows way more guarded and defensive when meeting new people.

Homeboy does not wanna be taken advantage of again after you💀

[newtdrawz]

I'm rereading the outsiders rn and like (this accidentally turned into a rant where nothing I say makes sense my b 😭)

"I don't care about Darry. But I was still lying and I knew it. I lie to myself all the time. But I never believe me."

Why would he say this? Why would,,, PLEASE. IM SICK. ILL.

Darry and Pony's relationship is something so special to me,,, it's so,,, omg. Like a whole page dedicated to how he doesn't care if Darry doesn't like him/care about him but he literally says over and over that he does care,, I'm sick over these two 😭😭

Literally earlier in the book when Pony gets jumped and Darry's the first one at his side and he's shaking him and immediately apologizes,, I'm gonna VOMIT.

"Darry's always rough with me without meaning to be." "I'm okay. Quit shaking me, Darry, I'm okay" He stopped instantly. "I'm sorry."

That's why the part where he hits him is so,,, literally insane,, ik people joke abt it all the time and call him whiney especially cuz of Johnny's situation,, but literally like,, ok so,, 😭😭

Imagine you're a little guy (😭😭) like Pony's only 14 (and remember how awful being 14 was 😭 you hate everything and everyone and you feel weird/awful 24/7) and he explains how no one in his family ever raised a hand at him or hit him and he thinks Darry can't stand him, he thinks Darry wants to send him away and that he's only a thorn in his side. So Imagine how terrifying it is for your big brother (who's like huge might I add) slapping you and you're thinking "Oh my god,, he really does hate me. This was it. He really doesn't like me." Like yeah he's gonna be scared and he's gonna go to the one person he trusts the most and even Johnny was like "wth??? What??? Omg???"

And imagine Darry's guilt,, I'm not justifying him hitting Pony cuz there definitely was a better solution 😭 but like he's only 20, raising two teens, working all the time and they're all dealing with the loss of their parents. So many things have gone wrong to lead to this outcome and you can bet he regrets it everytime he thinks about it,,

Pony was valid for being scared is what I'm basically saying,, 😭😭 and their complicated relationship really just gets me all the time and I'm obsessed with them growing and getting better cuz that's all I want for them and I love them the end 🫶

[starsomens]

hi ✨ i know that usually you’re the one that gets the prompts and writes on them but can i just give my two cents on the recent events regarding noah’s behavior on tour because there’s literally no one i can discuss this with, so naturally i need to share and i feel like this here is a safe and fun space to do that.

i know how everyone has this image of what noah’s like in a relationship or in bed or whatever and that’s okay, we can all imagine and that’s what i’m here do to today, but you CANNOT tell me this man is not fucked, foul and twisted because

1. breathing into the mic AUDIBLY right after the “the way you fuck, the way you taste” lyric is nothing close to innocent and i am pretty sure he knows what he’s doing

2. spitting in the air after “so i can look you in the eye when i spit in your face” NUMEROUS times. i’m just gonna say that he knows. spitting is spicy and he knows.

3. that devilish grin he gave right before the growl in dethrone in Austin. uhm. yeah, sadistic, sick and twisted.

also this man feeds off of dark shit. he has said it himself a couple of times. when it comes down to anime, he loves watching the really dark stuff. we know he works on the aesthetics of the band a lot and the primary colors are black, red and grey. the visuals are dark. carrying an axe around a dark hallway? wearing a ski mask for fun? and all black outfits all the time? man loves horror movies as well. im positive he’d be down to chase you down an alley wearing a mask and carrying a knife, ghostface style.

also keeping his composure and having a really cool aura and being quiet while also sounding firm and diplomatic. SCREAMS dom. but like a pleasure dom cause we know he’s the clitmaster3000.

oh yeah, i’m not even gonna mention the fact that he lowered his voice when he said “good. GOOD JOB” when he asked the crowd to make a line for the mosh pit. mans got a praise and degradation kink and no one can tell me otherwise. he loves control and he loves exercising it in all ways possible.

okay, thanks. sorry if that was too much but i can’t stop thinking about it and it makes SO MUCH sense in my head and i need to know if somebody else is gonna agree with me. bye 🦦

I am gonna make you 🦦anon

MAAM OR SIR I AGREE THANK YOU FOR YOUR 2 CENTS YOUR DONATION IS APPRECIATED

But honestly this is what I’m saying HE KNOWS! MAN KNOWS WHAT HES DOING! Because I’ve had some people here say that they know about the fan fic, so he BEEN KNOW what makes us tic! I mean look at the video of him leaning over the crowd (not knowing exactly what he was doing) BUT HE KNOWS THE EFFECT! H knows what we’re into and what makes us go wild! IM TELLING YOU. But I’m telling you it’s kinda scary how DOMINANT he can be but also like super super super calm and collected about it. He gets his fill of power from it but super controlled about it as well and THAT makes it a bit scary but also 🌝

Clitmaster 3000 IM DEAD I LOVE IT! Also you and I must be the same person because I was about to write a small thought on him being a pleasure Dom! HE SCREAMS IT! And I have said before he keeps the mask on during sex 🤠 GIRL WE SHARING THE SAME BRAIN CELL RN CUZ I CAN SEE ALL OF THIS. Hopefully my writing can improve so I can write something that rlly expressed this out if the opportunity comes up.

[spatio-rift]

9/10 and 24/25 :3

Yesss thank you Smiles so sweetly. 💙

9. worst part of canon: we all know about this... taka(+orochimaru)s characterization thrown away in the war for jokes or to act as plot devices... i fear i may never forgive kishimoto. the atmosphere wasnt so tense that we needed karin to be crazy about sasuke again + that overt about wanting sasuke to bite her (?!). why is suigetsu acting like he wasnt captured and experimented on by orochimaru but worked for him like karin. why is juugo acting like sasuke is kimimaro when he clearly made the difference before. orochimarus weirdass change of heart because we needed the hokages to show up. or even suigetsu randomly stumbling upon a convenient scroll detailing how to undo shiki fuujin and his first thought (before he meets sasuke again) is to pocket it because it would be useful for sasuke?? like why was it in suigetsus hideout of all places. why does suigetsu even know what it means. im sorry i just dont think orochimaru discussed the matter of his arms & the first 4 hokages souls over the vivisection table and i dont believe sasuke ever brought it up during hebitaka because WHY WOULD HEEE. etc etc etc like am i making sense? they really are just there to move the plot along and play out a joke once in a while. nothing about what happened when taka separated matters at all in the war theyre barely even characters

10. worst part of fanon: 100% the tendency to make everyone friends i think its so boring!!! like in what world are taka invited to karuis wedding? in what world is karin a guest star on the real housewives of konoha (=joining them for brunch). what exactly do temari and karin have in common other than both having the Kishimoto Woman Personality Type #1.

its so much more fun to have characters who just cant stand each other. naruto dislikes taka for literally no reason and its hilarious we should keep it that way. no way im ever believing karui genuinely befriends sakura i think they should HATE having to see each other all the time because their girls are besties. it will always feel more natural &balanced to me + im more inclined to believe 2 characters whove never talked to each other could be great friends if youve also considered who they DONT mesh with at all.

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse: im trying to remember the sort of discourse ive seen on twitter… but i think i will be boring and say like anything about sakura honestly and especially her relationship with sasuke. the only thing i can think about rn is her fake confession to naruto i dont know what about it gets people going THAT much but they are naastyyy about it.

discourse about Saradas REAL Mom i also steer clear of as much as i can. disgusting. nasty. rancid. i hate that its still a thing people argue about in 2024

you could literally say anything about a naruto woman and it will bring up disgusting discourse honestly

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing: i cant remember anything specific and i know i will feel silly right after posting because like 5 different things will immediately come back to me. here are a few

-> that sasukes ending sucks but everything could be fixed if he got to travel the world with taka. because he #DeservesIt. no the fuck he doesnttttt he should go on his own since he wants them to leave him alone so much.

-> i guess more generally all the complaints about narutos ending SPECIFICALLY about everyone getting married and having kids. i really dont careeee the kids are cute the pairings were set in stone from the beginning everyone is happy. im happy. who give a shit.

also its not exactly a complaint but every other comment on any kind of naruto side content (like sasuke retsuden manga etc) being like "this is awesome not like that trash boruto" SHUT UP!!!! i understand not liking the story of boruto and i understand feeling disappointed by it as a sequel to naruto but you dont have to bring it up all the time!! just move on!!! ignore it!!! you will be much happier!!!

[prettyboykatsuki]

Not sure if you read the Jjk manga or see the leaks about the latest death...I'm honestly numb to them now, I guess since they've been coming from left and right. I don't think they're doing much for the plot, I guess I was just wondering your opinion on it? And deaths in general in Mangas and stories, like what do you think is is like a good way to do a death of character so it doesn't feel cheap? I will say, Katsuki's "death" made me sick to my stomach at the time but they are very diff stories. Sorry this is so long :(

with peace and love in my heart i Really do not gaf about jjk anymore at least storywise. i did try to stick with it after gojo but i just did not think it made sense anymore.some times i read leaks but rn its not looking great. no part of the stories direction rn makes me want to keep up with it lol. so in terms of the story im like. damn please just let akutami out of his contract cause he is fumbling pretty bad rn and i cant imagine how it will be resolved.

i dont actually mind manga deaths even if i act insane. i thought gojos death felt cheap and unplanned and didn't make much sense. it's not that he died but that he died so quickly into the fight and that so much was left unresolved as a part of it. that abrupt feeling was not intentional or well-exectued either. even with a story like jjk that prides itself on being gritty and hopeless, there was just nothing beyond shock value and it was wholly uninteresting. nanami had an excellent death even if it made me very very sad. it held the right amount of narrative weight and was timed appropriately for full gutwrenching impact. i did not feel that way about gojos death. and people were calling people gojo glazers for being upset about it but like. of course people are going to be like hm.. wonder if the fact his own mangaka kinda does not fw him plays into this at all. just a little loool.

the most important thing with any chara death is just intent to me. people die. but what makes that death siginficant? a premature, uneventful death just doesn't make sense for a character as monumentally lore relevant as gojo even if that's the intent. it just wasn't anticlimatic in the right way. i cant be unbiased about katsukis death so i wont pretend - but i didn't feel like his death was cheap at least. it was treated with a lot of emotional impact and fell in line well with the gravity of the story / arc. like u said they are different stories and it made sense with the way hori tells the narrative which is what matters. objectively it was a good death, even if emotionally i was ruined lol

i just. dont think gojos death made sense. at all. in any capacity. like. im truly not even that much of a gojo glazer but it felt completely nonsensical to me and still does. why is he just dead lmaooo like what. he is thee six eyes and he got beat tf up in one fight? be serious

[blonkk]

feeling healthy. classic friday night crying unexpectedly because it just occurred to me that im almost 30 and ive spent the last 3 days alone with no one to talk to. im just in bed watching the simpsons wishing i had someone with me just to fucking watch the simpsons or stupid youtube comps. i’ve been seething because my roommate left days ago without telling me and he hasn’t cleaned a thing since i moved in so i’ve spent the past 2 days scrubbing the place clean which makes me resentful. he also left his aging dog here and she drives me insane and i didn’t sign up to be a dog owner but here we are. should i let her starve and shit in the house or do i just do the right thing and make sure shes fed. let her out when she screams at the door at all hours of the day night and morning. its been raining but stopped today so i left the house and spent 50$ on nothing and i still dont have a job and i just have to come up with new ways to spend my time with nothing to do no money no one to talk do on this shithole hill

like when you’re young and optimistic and idealistic you never think that sad loser is gonna be you. like no way i’m gonna be a sad friendless lonely freak of nature. no way im gonna be broke and jobless near 30.

and it just creeps up and like i’d do anything to get out of this but i just fail and fail and fail and i can’t find a way out. everything is just closing in on me rn. and if i go home to my parents i wont need to worry as much about money for the time being but what kind of back peddling is that….i spent my entire 20s working up the courage to move out completely and again im failing. i can’t go home anyways because believe it or not my situation is every worse there

and my parents are so scared for me…like they won’t say it but they’re ashamed and disappointed and they pity me which is honestly worse than anything else….i don’t want them to help me out of pity it feels like no one believes in me at all

which makes sense lol i don’t believe in myself either….i don’t excel at anything…..i can’t even get an entry level job in my field where i have experience…i can’t monetize anything else i do because im just not a very skilled person and its not self pity, or maybe it is, but like no one cares about art or whatever it is i like to do.

like i’ve felt like i’ve been fading away for a few years now as friends and family moved onto bigger and better and it’s just getting worse as time goes on…i don’t know what i want i’ve never known and it doesn’t even matter because i’ve never gotten anything i’ve wanted anyways. i just want to not be lonely. it’s so simple

i just want to disconnect from everyone and everything because i’m so beaten down by rejection and failure and isolation and despite good things these bad things compound and im so exhausted i don’t even care about what happens to me anymore

it’s so weird being this person you know people pity…that the worst part

i’m tying….i go outside…i exercise…i engage with my hobbies….i haven’t shut out my friends….i keep applying for work even though i feel this feeling of dread and know it wont go anywhere …i haven’t given up yet but im not really under any illusions that things will “get better” anymore

anyways i’m sorry for the boo hoo wah woe is me wahhhh moment im just so sick and tired of this relentless shit

[scully1998]

sorry im super sick rn and in my feverish haze have chosen this hill to die on. tlt doesnt have that much in common with homestuck and like. i just am annoyed by the way people treat tazmuir's work, like, as though being influenced by homestuck is the same as writing homestuck fanfiction or like describing tlt characters as direct analogues to homestuck characters, which like. none of them are!* in particular, gideon is not dave strider (sunglasses as an aesthetic detail aside). ianthe is not vriska-- a claim i roll my eyes at in part bc we Know that elements of ianthe's character are inspired by a specific named fanfic trope that has nothing to do with vriska.

like ok and i see ppl bring the serendipity gospels into this and, like, as a known tsg enjoyer, i actually do think the connections are interesting, bc tsg is so insane in its worldbuilding where like. the things hs tells us about alternian society are relatively vague for the most part. tsg takes these rough sketches and fills in a LOT of stuff that really comes a lot more from muir's own interests and ideas than from hs. a handful of those concepts later appear, more refined, in gideon the ninth. that doesnt mean theyre From Homestuck. they're motifs etc that muir has been playing with for a while.

i think the reason this bothers me so much is that it feels dismissive/reductive? like. people who describe muir as a homestuck fic writer or influenced by homestuck are almost never doing so in a way that celebrates muir's writing and ideas as her own, and as intentional. it's always either like "lol tlt author wrote promstuck" or "tlt makes so much more sense when you realize it's like that because the author was into homestuck."

idk. did people treat undertale like this? i dont remember.

like, i'm not arguing that homestuck isn't an influence on tlt-- i think it clearly is. but so are a LOT of other works. at what point do we stop trying to describe it as made up of other things & just let it be good on its own merit?

anyway im SO tired and hungry and in a lot of pain so like if this is incoherent and unnecessary. say it's bc of that. augh.

*imo the best case for this is actually abigail being analogous to aradia & the entire river bubble/dream bubble situation is probably the closest tlt gets to homestuck.

[leemotionalwreck]

Thoughts on Illusion

Finally getting around to watching illusion!! here we go y’all (this time longer and in more agonizing detail!):

- the way I strongly dislike Bob Roth...

- okay i have pretty mixed feelings on chloe’s character but like… does paris not remember what she did?? hello continuity?! /hj

- omg alec hiiiiii

- LMAO the “my son” slip up is wonderful

- lol plagg leave him alone the boy is quite literally traumatized and the ring isn’t helping

- i swear to god i’ll never get used to seeing this bitch in the kitchen.

- “are you sure you’re feeling okay?” no like actually tho he isn’t. run.

- a single stain warranting almost smashing the pan on the ground is kinda crazy but ok ig

- wait how did nothing fall outta the pan??

- of course he doesn’t know how long to boil an egg off the top of his head. of fricking course

- STOP WINKING AT HIM GABRIEL!! you haven’t earned the right

- oooo i like the split screen

- oh wait it took me a second to notice the thought bubbles lol

- NINO!! i missed my boy

- post graduation?? what year are they exactly? or am i missing something??

- all in favor of joining nino’s resistance say “I”

- LMAO comrade mayo?? that’s actually not too far from something i’ve said to my white friends irl lol

- rvejndjdb adrinette is so adorable bro

- nino please babe it’s just lunch

- y’know, sometimes i forget just how chaotic their group can be. then i see scenes like this and remember. it’s pretty realistic tho imo

- also nino definitely has a bruise lol

- frickin lila man.

- “Are yOu EatInG In thE cafEtERia?” tf does it look like??

- the way marinette is such a real one

- what on earth is actually wrong with lila lol i’ve never hated an animated character as much as her. aside from maybe gabriel

- wait no the yogurt/honey example was actually really good lol

- lol comrade ketchup

- also comrade beurre maître d’hôtel is so extra and for what?? love nino tho

- NO STOP SHE’S SO SICK

- also are they just letting ppl in the school?? slay ig

- adrien 😭😭

- oooooooo lila’s lil snitch ass… i mean it makes sense but jeez

- pls i forgot she was pregnant lmao

- ew he looks weird when he’s trying to be a decent person /hj

- okay i love them but they coulda been a little more discreet than pizza lol

- they’re just standing outside the window like?? 😭😭

- idk why but the piece of pepperoni stuck to gabriel’s shirt is killing me

- ADRIEN YOU COULDN’T EVEN PRETEND TO TRIP?? please be so fr

- okay no cause this time around gabriel actually reacts and adrien really seems sorry and uhhrhdhdhdh i. hate. this. man.

- pls the way alya just walks in and is like “yea no you guys already know the deal let’s just get this over with” what a queen

- nino PLEASE

- okay i’m kinda cringing rn but it’s totally fine

- again, the way adrien seems genuinely scared…

- goddamnit

- “call me father” actually go trip down the stairs

- NO STOP IT THIS MAN IS ACTUALLY A PIECE OF SHIT I CANNOT

- ok five at once is honestly extra. like i hope this asshole remember he’s a whole grown man doing all this to fight some kids. yes i know it’s more than that technically but still. weirdo.

- lol his ears look so stupid when they’re sticking off the sides of the mask

- the way marinette/ladybug is actually that girl

- see no he’s such a fake bitch cause falling wasn’t even necessary

- nino is such a detective i literally love him. i mean yea he’s wrong but still

- he looks like such a dumbass with that stain on his shirt. i hate him.

- “comrade tartar sauce” nino yes absolutely but he really doesn’t deserve it bae

- i really like the design on alya’s fanny pack but i’ve literally never noticed it before

- they’re all so cute lol

- “comrade sweet and sour” i wonder why she has that name…

Final thoughts: okay it took me a sec to realize this was out of order (i know people have been saying it. im just stupid lol) but i really enjoyed it overall. gabriel keeps getting worse yet sadly never surprises me with the depths he stoops to. adrien needs so much help rn and i really hate lila but im almost glad she’s back?? like i missed this rivalry between her and marinette in a way.

[tryhardgwen]

rs archive 08/10/2024:

hello! i recently started getting into t1 and went down a rabbit hole of your fics! sorry i know you might be sick of everyone constantly mentioning it, but all my love has my whole heart, started listening to noah kahan just because of it and there is constantly an ache in my heart when i think about it … sobs … i went thru an EERILY similar experience as wooje with my family and i feel like your writing is extremely tender, it’s amazing that you can put these thoughts and emotions into words and those words are able to paint a beautiful picture of what love is. you took my heart and left a deep compression on it with all my love. sorry if that doesn’t make any sense aha.

we just need some time together is also one of my all time favs , it kept me up at night thinking about it for too long. minseoks internal dialogue just feels so real, his self esteem, his confidence is amazingly illustrated, and of course your exposition is so delicate and beautiful. CRIES …

im really invested in your new fic, i want your violence, and i usually never follow fics that are currently updating. i have so many questions .. in my brain keria is still happily in district 13 even tho i read your comments that you killed 3/5 of t1… cries again … im so so curious to what you have in store for us! finally i get to my question : how long will i want your violence be? am really curious about all the plot points you’ve brought up and its clear that you’ve planned this really well!

sorry for this long message. i adore anything you put out , your style of writing resonates deeply with me and i wish for nothing but happiness in your future !

okay first off i am never sick of love of my writing, aml or other, bcuz im a NARCISSIST!!!!!!! ... ok im kidding. but really, i never get sick of the love you guys give me because it truly means a lot and i think saying "oh boo everyone loves aml so much" is like.. first world problem much? LKJDSALKFJ. i love that fic!! so im very happy ppl love it too. noah kahan is literally amazing btw, IM SO HAPPY UR LISTENING TO HIM!! the stick season (we'll all be here forever) album is OFC incredible, but i personally looove i was / i am. wooje in aml is very special and im glad he and my writing can connect to you!! your comment made perfect sense to me :)

hsbfhsfh wjnstt is such a.. problem ?? child?? for me, or like i have a love/hate relationship with it.. i really do at the end of the day love it though; it was my first "major" fic project and means/meant (?) a lot to me. i think it could've been written better.. but i feel that about all my fics, so that's alright. i should really reread it one of these days. but i digress! im very glad you like it :]

as for i want your violence!! im so sorry i haven't been updating it, its bc im working on this OTHER fic rn, but anyway ill try and update it soon!! hopefully ur questions can be answered :] if not, then after the fic is finish u can always pop back in here again ..! (well, maybe on tumblr BCS. retrospring is shutting down but u catch my drift). anyway i actually have no clue how long this fic will be? just as a ballpark number, id say anywhere from 70k to 100k, maybe even more. this baby is gn be probably my longest fic.

no worries about the long message; i love long messages like this. thank you so much anon, and i hope you have an amazing day <3

[primaviva]

oki first of all, hai !!! its been sosososo long since ive sent an ask lolololol [i think it was last blog theme], but i just wanted 2 ask u a question bcuz uve written abt minors as a minor before and i have my own writing blog on the side n so far ive only ever written abt characters that r adults in canon but ive been wanting 2 branch out 2 other minor characters [IM A MINOR MYSELF BTW . the link in my bio 4 info abt me is being wack n gross, but i am a minor TRUST]

but back 2 my question, how should i deal with potential backlash ? when i write n publish my stuff abt canonically minor characters, im planning on just putting an adults dni at the top or smthn [bcuz the idea of adults engaging w the potential content of minors i put out makes me feel a lil sick 2 my stomach ngl] but i feel like some ppl r gonna see it n start 2 get defensive abt it which i . rlly dont want 2 deal w [but i probably will tho lololol]

OK . yeah . thats it . ik u havent posted anything since february but ur the only person i could think of 4 a question like that

thank u !!! have a good day ^_^ [n i hope this made sense !! pretty please reach out 2 me in any way possible if smthn didnt make sense !!]

BANAHHAHAA THANK YOU FOR THINKING OF ME omg im so sorry for being like a week late to this ask buttttttt honestly my advice to you is to do nothing. that sounds weird but LEMME EXPLAIN:

at the end of the day it’s the Internet and people are gonna read and do as they please. for example, all of us chronically online growing up have read at least one smut before like everybody and they mama would be lying if they saw a minors dni and they read it anyone and now ended up like this (an absolute fein for fanfiction) because at the end of the day people are gonna do what they want.

don’t get me wrong, you SHOULD put that labeling because some minors may actually want to avoid that content. now, because you’re putting adults interact…lemme just tell you rn if a grown ass mf searched up the tag to find some x reader of a teenager then i promise you that a “adult dni” is gonna stop em💀💀 you should still put the adult dni, but no matter what an adult will interact with it because they gonna read what they wanna read.

my best advice is just to not stress about it. if you get backlash because an adult is offended to not interact with romantic content of a teenager, just block them. but besides that, there’s nothing really you can do and constantly blocking adults for viewing fics would be tiring and it’s never gonna end. ive been weirded out seeing 21 year olds like my fics of gwen, and when you notice it you can block them but it won’t stop them from viewing other content of that character. and those are accounts that actually put they age, most blogs are blank and you won’t even know. if you want to block accounts that shamelessly have their age but like content of minors, then do so, but im just saying not to stress about it because things like people interacting with content they aren’t supposed to is unfortunately UNAVOIDABLE…..it’s the internet 🤷‍♀️

hope this made sense and also HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD DAY TOO SLIME

[gallusgalluss]

[zachsreaderinserts]

dream, sapnap, and c!technoblade x abused! reader

what better way to unpack my twauma then by making it into a headcannons list? i’ll see myself out

wc: 1,146

DREAM

this motherfucker right here, your honor, will go absolutely batshit insane

how fucking dare someone hurt you? like, to him, you’re his world and then some. the idea of someone hurting you physically, mentally, or any kind of -ly, will make him go feral

of course, he’ll keep it in at first. if you came to him with this around the start of the relationship, he’ll respect that boundary. he doesn’t want to scare you away, after all

if you’re anything like me, you’ll probably be in tears telling him this. reliving something so traumatic and horrible, something so painful, is hard to do and retelling it would always make you cry, no matter how long ago it happened

seeing this, dream would probably grab you and hold you close, tucking your head into his chest. he can’t say he’s the best at comforting people, but he really does try. he would rub your back and whisper words of encouragement

it didn’t really click until one time when you two were playing minecraft on your shared console together. you had just successfully beaten the wither in your survival world and dream decided it would be sick to high five you.

turning in your direction, he raised a hand and watched in horror as you sucked in a sharp breath and flinched away from him.

he dropped his hand instantly and backed up a little, face struck with disbelief. someone had hurt you that way. someone hit you and made you scared of simple hand movements.

it took him all but three seconds to be on top of you, apologizing at a rapid fire speed while cradling your face. he peppered kisses like it was his lifeline and made sure that when he was done, not a hint of fear was in your expression.

he may not be able to comprehend it at first, but once he does, he will make sure every moment is dedicated to showing you that he would never treat you like that.

and if he finds out who your old s/o was? lets just say that we’re gonna have a glimpse of smp!dream irl

SAPNAP

baby boy. the man, big teddy hunky himbo guy, will also get extremely pissed. unlike dream, he would express it outwardly.

he has a huge sense of loyalty to people who treat him great. you’re dating him, therefore he feels the need to find your ex and carve out the alphabet on their body with a knife.

he won’t do it, for obvious legal reasons, so he settles for aggressively making sure that you know you’re loveable. hugs, kisses on the face, kisses on the neck. sex. the whole nine yards.

he’s not one for using his words, bc his actions speak louder, so he settles for a tight squeeze of a hug after you told him what you’ve gone through. it’s what he feels like is the best thing he can do for you.

one morning, you’re feeling particularly sluggish and such. you’re busy making your breakfast of choice when sapnap walks in. he seems like a morning person, so the mans is bubbly.

he goes to mess up your hair but stops himself short when you practically bash your head into the cabinet to get away from him. out of instinct, an “i’m sorry” spills from your lips and you look close to tears as you say it.

he just stands there, brain catching up and making the connection between what you told him and your knee jerk reaction to a hand reaching out to you. and for a second, he looks furious.

not at you! never at you, no, no, no. he’s furious at your past ex and how much of a douchebag they were. how evil they had to be to be able to do something like this and make you terrified of friendly gestures

so sappigus grabs your wrist gently and tugs you until you arms length away from one another. instead of a kiss or a hug, he stares into your eyes and with a serious tone of voice, says

“i will never let anyone else hurt you like how they did. i promise.”

im tearing up just thinking about this BITCH WHERE IS MY FUCKING WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT--

sapnap feels your pain and will never go a day without reminding you of how much he is willing to do to ensure your safety. he will go into every day saying that he loves you and ends every night with a hug or railing the fuck out of you. your choice.

C! TECHNOBLADE

blood man. blood god. e man. e boy? e. yeah, he’ll kill something. 100% after you’ve told him, he’ll probably need a place to go take his anger out. that cow farm near l’manberg looking mighty sexy rn--

we all know that techno is probably one of the most loyal bitches in the smp. he has an unofficial claim over the people he loves and you’re included in that.

so the idea of someone meeting you before him and having the absolute gall to beat you like you mean nothing infuriates him.

whenever he’s cooled down, he’ll come back (covered in cow blood probably--) and will pull you into his lap and sit there, hunched over you as if he were protecting you from the world.

and you’d probably appreciate it, nuzzling back into his body. you feel safe in his arms and he feels safe knowing that you’re in his arms.

techno and you typically make potions together in your free time. you both just like to stare at the shimmery liquids and swirl them around. while he’s working on a potion of strength, he realizes that you have the blaze powder in front of you but you’re not longer using it.

when he reached over, all you could comprehend was that there was something moving near your face that slightly resembled a hand, and you just panic. you let out a small yelp-like sound and darted you head backwards, looking over frantically.

techno and you just stare at one another, your expression quickly morphing from fear to guilt at how horrified he looked. techno moved quickly and shoved aside the potion you were working on and kneeled in front of you.

the voices were going rapid fire in his brain as he pulled you into a hug and tucked your head into his neck, grounding you and reminding you that you’re fine. everything’s okay now that he’s here.

“i will never leave you if you want me to stay.”

he’d pull back and plant a kiss on your lips quickly before his smile turned a little less sweet and a little more murderous.

“so, what was your ex’s name again?”

there’s no cars in minecraft but you bet your ass he will somehow commit vehicular manslaughter.

[milkybonya]

11:11 - 김준규

warnings: angst but a positive/happy? open ending

summary: Junkyu breaks your heart and regrets it later

part 2 here

milky's 💌: it started raining so i immediately turned on my speaker and played 11:11 by Taeyeon, and then i just got the sudden urge to write... also im sorry the readmore tab isnt working for me rn T.T

as the clock hands pass over one another again, you tightly shut your eyes. rain pelts against your windows but you have the curtains shut. it's cold in your room but you stay glued to your desk, clutching your phone in your hands.

you wish on the rain, on the sky that is probably full of stars outside, for Junkyu to text you back. you beg and plead the universe for him to reply and reply honestly.

bzzzt.

y/n, i was just in the shower!

liar.

he's a liar and your eyes well with tears. the stupid clock won't stop ticking, the rain won't stop falling and neither will your tears, now.

you leave Junkyu's dms and open up your friend's, zooming in on the photo they sent you. you zoom in on the photo of Junkyu kissing someone else's temple, holding someone else close and you sob.

your relationship with Junkyu never felt real. it always felt one-sided, even though he confessed to you first. even though he asked you out first, promised he would treat you right and said countless other things, it never for a second felt real. even when he uncurled your angry fists when you were frustrated so he could hold your hands, it all felt fake. even when he kissed you in the back of the classroom with everyone there, giggling as he watched as your face turn red and you whispered at him to stop, it was a lie. it was all a lie.

well, it wasn't a lie. but at some point, it did become one.

Junkyu stopped replying to you. he was always on his phone when you spent time together and barely said anything to you. it seemed like you didn't exist anymore.

you were worried sick but all of that was replaced with anger and realization when your friend sent you that photo of Junkyu kissing someone else at exactly 11:11. 11:11, the time Junkyu would always point out to you in class. he'd take hold of your arm and tell you to close your eyes and wish for something. you always wished for his happiness, not knowing that his happiness lay in the hands of a different lover.

now, at 11:15, you're crying your eyes out while Junkyu is out on a date with some other person. just like that, your first love has come to an end. just like that, you've been forgotten and replaced.

when you calm down, you pull back the curtains and stare up at the sky. you wonder how long it'll take to forget him, and if you ever even will. you doubt it, but you know you'll move on somehow.

-

Junkyu was foolish to let you go, and he only realizes it once you've already slipped away. he knows something is wrong when you don't reply to him telling you he was showering, but at that moment, he doesn't make sense of it. it's only after a few weeks that he notices he's lost you.

when you stop waiting by his house in the mornings to walk to school, when you don't leave him snacks on his desk, when you ask to sit elsewhere and not beside him, with all of these things he slowly understands. once he understands, he misses you. but there's nothing he can do. he was foolish and fell for a senior who confessed to him as a joke. he dated them, chose them over you and got his heart broken. he knows your heart must hurt more than his, though.

so, even after six years pass and you meet again but on a college campus, Junkyu still misses you. he still regrets everything and his heart still aches for you.

"number 57! coffee for... y/n? wait... y/n?" Junkyu falters as he holds your drink out, working as a barista in the campus café.

you take the drink from his hands and walk off, not having seen or recognized him because you were on your phone. Junkyu recognizes you immediately, though. even though you look (he hates to say it) so much better now that you're without him, he recognizes you.

he runs past the counter and leaves the café, chasing after you.

"y/n! y/n!"

you can't hear him because you have earbuds in, but it doesn't matter. Junkyu got a glimpse of something important: the textbook in your hands. he knows the course and lecture that it's for, and now he knows where to find you.

that's all he needs.

he looks up at the blue sky and thanks the universe for sending you back to him. but maybe he should be thanking you, instead. maybe it was all those 11:11 wishes that you made for his happiness that made you reappear before him, because now, Junkyu's happiness is you.

[part 2]