#i wish i could shut myself up for good but whatever people care about me or something snd i still dont understand

[sordid-dog]

i feel like im gonna fucking throw up

[lastoneout]

As much as my ADHD has made my life absolute hell at times and I truly wish I had been diagnosed sooner...as I unpack my past in therapy I've realized my undiagnosed ADHD actually did do me one HUGE favor.

Bcs without getting too into it my response to the specific way I was raised and the trauma that came with it was to make myself smaller. A lot of kids in my situation would have just lashed out, but I just started cutting bigger and bigger bits of myself off because I thought if I wanted attention or affection then I needed to be perfect and normal and not even the smallest burden or inconvenience to the people around me, and I fell so hard into that mentality that part of healing has legit been trying to like get back in contact with who I was before all that made me into someone I wasn't.

Which is hard, but not impossible, because during all that trauma no matter how hard I tried to shove everything "ugly" and "imperfect" about myself into a tiny little box where no one would ever see it until I was the perfect daughter, I couldn't quite manage to get all of me in there, because my ADHD wouldn't let me.

And as I was growing up I saw this as a bad thing, obviously. Like I didn't know it was ADHD at the time ofc but I knew that my impulsiveness and loud ass laugh and distractability and habit of talking too much to fast and struggle to shut the fuck up about whatever weird thing I was into were parts of me I could never seem to fully change. No matter how hard I tried to be quiet and have normal interests and stop doing impulsive shit like talking really loud or going off about an interest I know no one around me shared, I couldn't actually do it.

So now, looking back with a healthier frame of mind, with a fiancé who became interested in me bcs we shared one of my "weird" interests, who smiles and laughs and tells me he loves me when I get loud and passionate about things I care about, who loves my loud ass laugh so much that once after I was sick and didn't laugh for like a week the first time I did went "oh good, I missed that sound", I can see at least a bit of good in the ways my ADHD stopped me from being able to destroy myself completely for the sake of others.

More often than not my ADHD was a huge rock tying me down, but it turns out deep inside that rock was a geode protecting the things about myself that I used to hate but now love more than anything, and now that the rock is smaller and easier to carry I can be thankful for that.

[lilacgaby]

day one

~2k

chapter select!

i do not got this.

[name] could barely sleep because of her nerves. she kept replaying the worst scenarios possible in her head.

what if he rejected her in front of everyone? she'd have to leave the school from the embarrassment. she'd be trash-- the trash of society!

maybe she just needed to eat.

she crawled out of bed, put on her house slippers, and made her way down to the kitchen.

she saw a couple other early risers along the way, momo greeted her and congratulated her on her successful mission, and iida told her not to stay out past curfew.

same old, same old.

she started to make some chai to drink. "maybe momo would want some, i should make her a glass." [name] pondered out loud while preparing the tea.

she went up to give the glass to momo. "ah, thank you [name]!"

"no problem momo."

she then on her way down, eyed katsuki who was heading to the kitchen at the same time as her.

okay [name]. stay cool.

she poured herself a glass. he walked up beside her.

"yo."

"hey, you want some chai?"

"sure."

she poured him some in a glass, and he nodded appreciatively.

so far so good. she didn't even need a third wheel.

katsuki looked around as if to make sure no one else was with them, then he said...

"did you see when usui kissed misa, and jumped off the building?"

"yes! it was so cute, he really is the best."

"how did he not break his legs though? he should've broken a leg, it would've been such an easy plot point to develop. she could've taken care of him and gotten closer to him that way."

[name] thought for a second. "i mean, maybe the author thought it was too predictable though? you gotta read the next volume. what happens next is so cool!"

"no spoilers [name]."

she sighed. "it wouldn't be spoilers if you weren't such a slow reader. hurry up! it's literally pictures!"

"you didn't even finish ouran high school host club loser. don't talk to me."

"pfft. i watched the anime, who needs the manga?"

"the anime didn't even go in depth to all the arcs!"

"whatever man."

"do you even remember the characters?"

"yes i do! i'm not an idiot."

"then who's your favorite host?"

"kyoya."

"why?"

"because-" oh no. "because sometimes he reminds me of--"

"heya guys! what're you doing? flirting over here?" kirishima exclaimed. expertly cutting her off.

she really did need a third wheel. and she did need to thank kirishima and call him the manliest man in the world, because he really saved her ass.

"no, shut up shittyhair." katsuki remarked, before going off to the side to cook something.

'thank you!' [name] mouthed.

'for what?' kirishima mouthed back.

she facepalmed internally, but mouthed back, 'i'll tell you later.'

he did a signature smile, before going to pester bakugo.

she was saved, for now. she went to go get cleaned up for classes. she did her hair, a bit of makeup, ironed her clothes, and readied her bag.

now, to survive school.

✧˖*°࿐

luckily, she sat next to mina the entire day. unluckily, all the girls in the class were avid gossipers. which would've been great.. every week except this one.

normally [name] would never be nervous while gossiping. she could read others like a hawk, and if she didn't have shoes on, she could focus to an extent and feel their heart beats to confirm or deny whatever they're saying.

of course, she wasn't a bully. she'd only ever think about whether they were lying or telling the truth to herself. she just wished she could keep it to herself today.

"hey [name]." oh no.

"we all always talk about our crushes and stuff-"

stop please.

"so we gotta ask,"

mina please step up!

"we gotta ask why you're so respectful? like c'mon! live a little and talk a bit of trash about some people. there's gotta be something or someone you don't like." mina cut in, saving the day.

who knew the third wheeling would extend to people she didn't even have a crush on?

"uh, well it's not that i don't like people, it's more i don't wanna bother myself thinking about them."

"really? well, who don't you like?" damn it jirou and your good questions.

"mineta." phew, good save me!

"that's too easy of an answer, like, do you hate anyone from 1-b?" Uraraka asked.

yay another easy answer! "i don't hate anyone from 1-b."

the girls all seemed to accept it, phew, nobody ask the opposite and we're good.

"hey, but aren't we asking [name] the wrong question?" tsuyu suddenly said

no! not when i was just safe!

"oh yeah, [name]. who do you like?"

"b--"

"who's ready to learn?" present mic yelled as he jumped onto one of the desks in the front.

"get down. alright settle down and get into your seats. class is starting." mr. aizawa said, the commotion effectively covering her answer.

the girls all went to their seats.

                                     --------

the next hurdle was lunch time. piece of cake.

except for the fact that she'd always sit in between katsuki and mina.

no big deal.

everything started out normal. everyone besides bakugo did their best to not question [name] directly, as they found out only when it was directed to her that she'd be forced to answer.

bakugo was luckily never much of a talker himself, only butting in to defend himself or jokingly insult others, even though majority of his insults held no weight.

but sometimes they'd catch themselves in the middle of their sentences, and have to fix their speech before [name] would be forced to answer. the goal post was moved from not confessing to not making her answer any odd questions at all. because bakugo would definitely notice her robotic answers.

"yeah like, didn't [name] totally-- i mean uh-- didn't we all totally flunk that test?"

-

"[name] remember when we-- uh-- i mean guys remember when we snuck out that one time?"

"which time?"

-

"dude, the convenience worker totally has a crush on [name]! right [na--] uh-- everyone?"

[name] focused almost unconsciously, and she noticed that katsuki's heart beat was speeding up for some reason. huh.

-

"you idiots are acting weird today." bakugo said out of no where.

"what? pfft. no way." sero said, trying to play it off.

"you're crazy man, i mean.. we're all acting normal. it's you who's acting weird!" denki said, before laughing awkwardly.

"yeah something is definitely up. how many of you dumbasses are in on it?"

"what? bakugo you're being uh-- irrational."

"since when do you talk like that raccoon eyes?"

"uh-- since i studied?"

everyone face palmed at that.

"okay the jig is up. the fuck is going on?"

"uh.. gotta go. i'm uh-- real hungry! needa get some sun y'know? see ya!" [name] left before anyone could stop her.

mina followed after her, leaving denki, sero, and kirishima to use the collective 5 brain cells they have to try and convince bakugo that nothing was up.

she was so gonna owe them more than a dinner for this.

                                       ၄၃

[name] didn't know what lie they were gonna come up with. and to be honest, she really didn't want to find out.

as she sat on the rooftop, she let the chloroplasts out on her skin, which made her have a couple green-ish spots all over.

"eating really does help." [name] murmured.

"watching you eat is so crazy! i mean you're literally turning green!" mina said, eyes wide and wonder filled.

"...you're literally pink.. but okay."

"hey, can't we ask mr. aizawa to nullify the quirk while we're in class?"

"... mina that is the smartest thing you've ever said."

"cool! we'll need to update everyone at our daily meeting today. as long as he agrees we'll only need to worry about other times!"

"we should go now, before class starts."

"okay! you go ahead, i'm gonna go see what our other agents said to bakugo."

"agents?"

"just go!"

                                        ‧₊˚✩彡    

"um.. mr. aizawa? may i come in?"

"yes." he grumbled sleepily. he was in his sleeping bag, barely looking up at her.

"what is it [name]? is this to clear up about you being on the floor? because i really didn't care."

"uh.. no. this is about something that happened while i was on the mission."

"go on." she could tell that even though he seemed completely uninterested, that she had his full attention.

"well, you see, i was hit by a quirk. a truth telling quirk. and it's going to last for 6 more days."

"oh?"

"and.. i'd really appreciate your help. if you could nullify my quirk during just time when we're sitting in the classroom, it'd help a lot." she bowed respectfully as she made her request.

the room was silent as aizawa was seemingly thinking it over.

"sure, why not."

"thank you! i won't forget this!"

                                      ೀ

the second half of the day went by like a breeze. because mr. aizawa was cancelling her quirk, she lived her life in temporary peace for the remaining hours of the school day.

she smiled with relief, everything is going good now.

she cleared up her answer with the girls while she still could,

"guys, i don't have a crush on anyone. im just too busy."

and then she relaxed fully.

the walk to the dorms was easy, she didn't have to worry about dinner since she didn't eat, and she could always call an early night to get out of uncomfortable situations.

easy peezy.

she had no time to talk to bakugo for the rest of the day, since he had such an early bed time.

at last.. the daily meeting was here.

"alright guys! great saves today! here are the rankings for best agents. [name] would you do the honors?"

"yes. unless the honors is a person. i do not know them well enough to do them.

...

just give me the damn chalk."

mina held back a laugh while she walked up.

"okay, on the bottom we have.. denki."

"what? no way!"

"yes way! you were being way too obvious earlier! which brings me to my next loser: sero."

"no way, this is rigged."

"no it's not! what point of no questions do you not understand! anyways

next up, we have kirishima. amazing work this morning!"

kirishima bowed jokingly.

"and lastly, one for one, we have alien queen mina!"

"this is so rigged!"

"obviously she'd win, they're best friends!"

"sounds like jealously! anyways-- thank you [name]! take a seat."

[name] took a seat as mina resumed her place as the leader.

"okay agents! we have a new addition to the team: mr. aizawa!"

"what?" everyone said collectively.

"correct! i came up with the brillant idea for him to use his power on [name] during class time when we're all just sitting around. that's how i earned top spot!

so now, our sub-operation is this:

plan [name]'s perfect confession."

"what?" [name] scoffed, "that's not part of this operation!"

"and besides.. with what denki told bakubro earlier.. we can't go on with that yet."

"what the hell did you idiots tell him?!"

"we just said you were embarrassed because you have crazy woman issues and don't want anyone to question you right now!  he interpreted that however he did!" denki defended.

"hey-- i didn't say any of that. it was all you man."

"way to throw me to the wolf sero!"

"just get out! all of you!"

"meeting over guys!"

"mina what the hell?! i thought you went to make sure they didn't say anything super stupid!"

"i did! but it was too late.. see ya [n/name]!"

my life is over.

prev | next!

[psuedosugu]

curse me ★

suguru geto x reader

synopsis: suguru dies and returns a bit different.

notes: will probably make a pt 2 or chapter 2 to this later someday idk

Your shoes clattered against the smooth floor as you ran. Please be okay, oh god, please be okay, you begged to whatever higher being existed. He had to be okay. He had to.

The blood splatters lining the walls of the darkened corridors were not a good sign.

Please be okay, please be okay, pleasepleasepleaseplease—

You found him, lying face up in a puddle of his own blood. You thought you were hallucinating. You wanted to be hallucinating.

You stepped ever closer to his corpse, until your shoes touched the seeping blood. The liquid was sticky under the soles of your feet and Suguru’s face, so full of life just 2 hours ago, was pale, his eyes blank.

2 deep slashes adorned his chest. His body was cold, still, unresponsive, his cursed energy wholly fizzled out.

Suguru Geto was dead.

A shrill scream filled your ears, your head ringing as you collapsed to the floor, grasping at his tattered uniform shirt as if you could make him come back.

Come back, come back, come back, you begged. He couldn’t be dead, you needed him. You needed him and oh god, you couldn’t do this alone.

You weren’t sure how long you were there, but you were there until the screaming turned into violent sobs, until hands pulled your thrashing body away from his corpse and rolled him away, telling you that it was okay, to not cry, and you finally realized those screams had been you all along.

.

The next months were a long, long blur. Almost instantaneously, things went back to normal. Nevermind that Suguru was dead.

You felt angry most of the time.

You were angry that no one cared, that they were able to just….return to their normal lives as if nothing happened. Satoru and Shoko in particular. He was their friend too, so why did they seem so unaffected? Did he not matter to them?

.

“You know, staying cooped up in here 24/7 isn’t helping anything.” Shoko said, plopping down onto the edge of your bed as you burrowed yourself deeper into the covers. How had she even gotten into here? You were sure you had locked the door.

“…You really don’t wanna come out?” she asked again, her usual cheeky smile falling from her face. Still no response. She sighed.

“Look,” she started, “Im worried about you. We all are.” you could tell in her voice that she wasn’t exactly used to being soft with people like this. “You’re withdrawing from everyone, you’re always in your room, you’re losing weight….i get that you miss him but-“

No. “Don’t.” “-You can’t do this to yourself, [name].”

Now, you were pissed. What kind of audacity did she even have? “Who are you to tell me what I can or can’t do to myself?” You shot back, sitting up.

“Wh— You think he would’ve wanted this?” She stood up from the bed, looking down at you.

“Go.”

“[name]—“

“Just go.”

“You’re not the only person who lost him, [name].” But god, it felt like you were the only one that cared.

“Please, Shoko, just go.”

She hesitated for a second, but then gave in, heading towards her exit . “Im always here once you’re ready to talk.” And then shut the door.

You shivered, feeling just as cold and empty as the room you were left in.

.

You had dreams about him frequently. Sometimes they were pleasant, spending time in the park with him, or getting to say goodbye. Sometimes they were horrible, nightmares of having to watch him be murdered, to watch him suffer.

Today was a good night, you supposed. You walked with him down a nature trail, the air around you tranquil. It seemed like with every dream his face got blurrier and blurrier. Soon, would you even be able to tell who he was? “I don’t wanna forget your face.” you blurted out. The dream-Suguru stopped in his tracks, turning to stare at you.

“I don’t want to forget you.” you could hardly see his face through the blur but the air turned heavy and solemn. You wished he would say something. You were scared of what he would say. You didn’t want him to leave, not again.

Don’t go, don’t go, don’t— the air around you was far too thick, you felt like you were suffocating, don’t go, don’t go, don’t leave me again—

You woke up in a cold sweat, looking up at your ceiling. You turned your head to the left and read your alarm clock. 2 am. Your eyes fluttered closed, planning to fall back asleep until you noticed a crackling, splintering sound in your room.

You opened your eyes and looked to the right, jumping up and nearly shrieking. A curse. A curse? But how? The barrier should’ve kept it out.

It was tall, jagged, with marbled skin, similar to the curses that suguru would consume.

“Do you know how curses taste?” He used to ask you.

Now you craned your neck up to fully see the thing in front of you.

“No. Tell me, Suguru,” you used to respond, though he had already told you multiple times, “Tell me what they taste like.”

“…[name].” It cooed.

“They taste like death,” He would respond.

Suguru Geto was not dead. Suguru Geto was a curse.

You slowly stepped towards him as light he omitted dimly lit up the pitch dark room. It was an amalgamation of curses. He was your Suguru. It was horrifying. He was beautiful.

You stepped closer to him, placing a hand where you’d suppose his cheek would be. He shape-shifted into a smaller form, more like the Suguru you were used to, but his skin was marbled and shiny, his black hair long and cascading.

“I missed you,” you whispered to him. “I missed you more,” he whispered back, and you wanted to scream and laugh and cry all at the same time.

“You’re..” you started.

“Different.” he suggested. You nod as you studied him.

“A curse,” you said. “Do you still like me?” he asked, half joking, half not. You snorted.

“I’ll always like you, Sugu.” and you were sure he glowed a bit brighter at your words. His eyes met yours as you pressed your forehead to his. You could feel everything, his emotions flowing out of him like a waterfall.

The two of you were bound together now, and you didn’t want any other fate.

[hmhas-00]

Ch. 8

Hit Me Hard & Soft

A/N- Hi lovelies! Plz don’t forget to like & rb. It means the world to me! :)

Remy’s POV

“Look at you. You don’t even respect your fucking self, man.” Billie mumbled, barely making any sense. Her eyes looked angry, bothered, annoyed. It wasn’t her.

“Let’s go home, you’re drunk as fuck. You don’t mean that.”

She swayed to the bass in place, slightly nodding her head to the beat. I didn’t even notice how much time had passed, standing there awkwardly to the side of the dance floor. Finneas came up to us. He had probably seen her yank her arm away and wondered what was going on.

“Let’s head out. She’s had too much.” I pointed towards the exit.

He took one look at her and nodded, calling the car out to the front.

“No! Fuck it, I do mean it. You’re too fucking scared to take a risk, so you keep sitting in your fucking office hoping one day you’ll do more than shred paper.”

That stung. I ignored her as Finneas and Claudia began to walk her outside. I wasn’t much of a help since I was struggling on my feet too.

“When I get back, you’ll be right where I left you. You’re not gonna go anywhere working for a fucking pig like him.”

“Is that what you think, Billie? What else?” I knew it wasn’t a good idea to argue back, but I didn’t care what state of mind she was in. I couldn’t believe she was saying any of this to me.

“Let’s just get in the car, Rem. She’s too fucked up, she doesn’t know what-“ Claudia shook her head.

“No! I’m not! And I’d like to- I want you to know I’m so serious. You let everyone treat you like shit! Your fucking ex, your boss, your parents!” She pointed.

“Shut up, Billie! Stop talking!” I put her seatbelt on her, struggling to put the buckle in the hole the first few times as Finneas drove off.

“Who took care of you when that motherfucker left you for another bitch?! Who lived with you and held you all day and night, and fed you, and made you whole again?” She shouted, scrambling her words, closing her eyes for emphasis.

“You want to throw that in my face now?” I was pissed. How dare she bring that up. There was no need to be that petty. I didn’t understand what brought this on her. She had never said anything so mean before. I knew it was the alcohol talking, but this hurt deep.

“And now! You’re just gonna leave me!” She pointed her finger.

“Leave you? Like you said, I’m not going anywhere! You’re the one leaving me!”

“She doesn’t mean any of this Rem, just ignore her.” Finneas reassured me, trying to deescalate the situation.

“No, say how you really feel, Billie!” I looked at her, squinting.

“You don’t believe in your fucking self! You beg me to believe in you, when you won’t even give yourself a fucking chance!” Her eyes closed as she tried to be louder.

“Oh, is that why you boss me around and tell me what to do with my life? Because you think I could do so much better being your fucking groupie?” I snapped back.

“You might as well be my fucking groupie! Better than being assistant TO the groupie!”

“You wish! So I could clap for you and gas you up every night? Like everyone else does?” I shouted back.

“Well, it’d be nice to have you be there for me once in a while, instead of putting work first like you always do!” Billie crossed her arms.

“You KNOW I can’t just do that!”

“Yeah, okay, whatever. You just wanna stay there and be a martyr so you can have something to complain about!”

“OH! So now I bitch about everything! I thought I kept things to myself and didn’t accept people’s help? Which one is it, Billie?”

“Whatever dude, you wanna be a sexy little office receptionist, and bend over for some bald fuck, and write some bullshit on a magazine, when you know you want to do more with your life.” She waved her hand around, her eyeliner running a little on the corner of her eyes.

“No, that’s your girlfriend Rachel! Weren’t you the one trying to suck her dick so she’d let me hop on a damn column?”

“I was trying to help you, dumbass!”

“I was trying to hang out with my best fucking friend before she travels the world for, like, a year!”

“Right! That’s why you wanted to get fucking wasted tonight! So you wouldn’t even remember our last night together.” Billie got teary eyed, blinking away her anger. “I didn’t even want to drink tonight!”

“No one forced you! You got all weird when that guy talked to me, and you shoved 2 shots consecutively up your ass!”

Claudia looked at Finneas. They shared a look and I wondered what that was about. He turned the corner toward my apartment and turned on his hazard lights.

“No one is concerned with who you wanna make out with, Remy!” She mumbled.

“Except you, because you act like my damn mother anytime anyone even looks at me!” I pointed at her. She stared at my finger, looking nauseous.

“Maybe if you had better judgment I wouldn’t have to fucking-“

“Whatever bro! You don’t get to tell me what to do with my life! And when you get back, you’ll see how fucking wrong you are! And how shitty of a fucking friend-“

“Shitty friend?? Because I want better for you?!” She leaned forward.

“You wouldn’t even know what being wrong feels like! Everyone always tells Billie Eilish yes!” I said, immediately feeling terrible. Immediately feeling like I crossed a line. But she had crossed multiple already.

Her face turned a shade of hurt I hadn’t seen before.

“No, fuck that! Fuck you, Remy!” She yelled.

“Fuck you, too!” I open the door and slam it, walking out before the car was even in park. Finneas fully stopped the car and ran out. He walked me to the door as I keyed in the code.

“I wanna make sure you get inside safely.” He held the door open for me when it unlocked. “God, I’m sorry, that was a lot.”

I held back tears and rubbed my arms, feeling the midnight breeze give me goosebumps before quickly walking in.

“She’s definitely not in the right mindset and I really don’t think she meant to be that-“

“Honest?” I asked, tears starting to stream down my face. “I think she did.” I called the elevator, pressing the button 18 times.

“Remy, she loves you. More than you think. You’re everything to- She just-“

“It doesn’t matter, Finneas. That fucking hurt. Drunk or not.“ I stepped into the elevator as the door slid open.

“Please, Rem. Listen, I know she was pushing it. I’m not gonna make excuses-“ He was visibly frustrated, pushing his hair back as he spoke. “And trust me, she’s going to feel like such a dick tomorrow-“

“I don’t care. I don’t want to hear it anymore from-“

The elevator door began to slide, when he stuck his hand in the way to stop it from closing. “Promise me you’ll see her tomorrow before she leaves for tour.” He looked serious, as if it would change anything. As if seeing her tomorrow would make it hurt any less.

I didn’t say anything. I just leaned back on the elevator wall, crossing my arms.

“Please. Think about it… I’m sorry, Remy. Have a good night.” He nodded, removing his hand and letting the door shut. My heart dropped as the elevator rose to the 5th floor.

In my apartment, I got ready for bed and threw myself into the pillows. My head spun and throbbed as the effects of alcohol slowly left my body. I knew everything would hurt tomorrow morning. I stared at my ceiling, hoping to fall asleep. I thought about Billie’s face when she said those things. When she told me I’d stay exactly where she left me. How can I give up all the hard work I’ve put in. I wonder if she was ever proud of me. I wonder if she knows how much I care about what she thinks of me. I thought about her face when I practically told her she doesn’t know what no means. I thought about her face when she told me “fuck you”. I wonder if tomorrow she’ll be hurting about all this as much as I am right now. We’d never spoken to each other like this before. It felt like she wanted to say more than she actually did…

Eventually my eyelids became heavy, and I drifted into a deep, deep sleep.

******

My eyelids slowly blinked open, staring at my wall. I groaned, stretching and turning on my other side. The light from my window was so uncalled for, causing me to squint and curl up into a ball. My head pounded, reminding me of the events last night.

“Oh shit.” I gasped, grabbing my phone faster than my brain could register. It was 1:02pm and a missed call from Billie displayed on my screen. I put my passcode in, messing up twice before finally being able to call back. The phone rang for a while. I sat up in bed, impatiently. No answer. I had overslept and didn’t have a chance to say good bye before she left on the tour bus. She was probably so angry at me. I remembered how much she hurt me last night, the words all freshly dancing around in my mind. I didn’t know what to make of it, but clearly she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I figured if she did, she’d call back.

I threw my phone at the foot of the bed and pulled the covers over my head, wishing away the awful headache. I closed my eyes and tried my best to fall back asleep so I didn’t have to think. Obviously, that didn’t work out. My brain wanted to walk me through the least blurry bits of our fight instead.

I threw the covers off and got up, going straight for the medicine cabinet and taking some Advil, dry. I rotted into the couch for the rest of the day, watching the tv show I wasn’t allowed to watch without her. I don’t know if I did it out of spite or to feel close to her. I’m sure she’ll be watching it without me anyway.

Each time I checked my phone for any calls or texts, my stomach did this weird flip thing. I waited all day to receive anything from her to no avail.

Around 8pm, I realize I haven’t had a bite to eat. As I put some almond butter toast on a plate, my phone dinged. I pulled it out of my pocket to see Billie had posted on instagram. An update to her fans letting them know she was on the road, and excited to see them in Quebec, Canada.

I made it a point to like the insta story post, so she knows that I know she’s ignoring me. This is bullshit, I thought. How petty, I thought, the irony going straight over my head.

[ronearoundblindly]

Hi Ro! I know I'm late to this party, but can I get B and F for Steve?

Thank you! 💜

Never too late, darling! This is tumblr, not a job 😁

This one got away with me. It got weirdly sappy for the categories asked, but I went with general Steve from no particular universe here, plus a nondescript part of the timeline or beyond, could even kinda be AU--if you squint--except Steve is definitely famous in some capacity and was small when young. (I just think he happens to look very cuff-able in this gif so we roll with it.)

These dirty asks from this game are aptly titled, so MINORS DNI.

B - Bondage

He can't exactly be tied up, not by anything commercially available, but Steve surprisingly likes the chance to sit still, take a backseat, and enjoy experiencing your enjoyment. He used to be so small. He assumed he'd never have the power he does now.

The restraints, as useless as they are, work as a calming tool to shut off his brain for a while. He's not responsible for anything. That's nice. Very freeing. The act of binding him is in itself roleplay; he's playing small and weak.

He's noticed something else, too.

Over the weeks and months you two have repeated this ritual of tying him up, and you both understand just how much it doesn't remotely hurt him, you've grown...more aggressive with the bonds. It's only when you're tying them--never an ounce of it in anything that follows--but he watches and realizes that you relieve frustration by pulling harder, knotting tighter, heaving around until their just so.

At this point, since Steve can do nothing else, he loves to see it. He's heard short and vague accounts from you, of shitty behavior, of innuendo, of back-handed compliments about how you do so well even with Steve. How his reputation must boost you. How you don't have to work so hard or be good because he'll carry you. How your accomplishments are all tied to him somehow.

It's not true, but they say it. They mean it. Steve can do nothing but let you physically yoke him down in your life, even for a few minutes. The weight it seems to lift from your shoulders is worth any momentary sting he might feel.

No. Steve doesn't mind the bonds at all. He even hates that you can't restrain him for real. He wishes he could give you that. Then people might see that you're just that powerful and you've always been that strong. He had nothing to do with it.

Okay, one sec, let me pull myself together here. YIKES.

IT BECAME ITS OWN FIC! [Entwined]

F - Food Play

[Fools Rush In Steve a.k.a. Sketch is notoriously anti-crumbs-in-the-bed, so he is 1000% not a part of this convo. Sorry, bub.]

YUP. Steve loves to feed you. It's a care thing. He always wants your opinion of all the food on the table, so you have to try everything. Here! Try this. The fork is already by your lips and he's smiling eagerly.

In the bedroom? Oh yes, he is very fond of licking sweet things off you and having them licked off him. It's one of the things that seems to tickle Steve the most--body and soul--and it's so playful. He even gets to lean into having a fast metabolism and needing calories after his workouts. If he drizzles honey or chocolate syrup on you, or hilariously fizzes too much whipped cream out of the canister he has not gotten the hang of yet, then that's a snack and a half. That's multitasking. That's just good time management, ya know?

Savory stuff is for meals and the table though. There's none of that that gets played with during sex. He's never outright said that's a rule, but it seems obvious when there's never been a crossover event.

Super random shout out to Steve having a bit of a thing for champagne and licking it off your neck after he deliberately splashes or pours it there. The bubbles tickle like hell and the cold is so shocking, but whatever, he loves it.

🙄

Thank you for asking!

Ack, I can feel in my bones that the bondage one might end up as a one shot. I am in so much trouble.

[Main Masterlist; Dirty Asks Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

[yuseirra]

Seriously though, it’s so, so strange… Really strange.

What’s odd is that, just now, I opened the manga to reference it for my work, and I’m thinking… Why do I still feel like Ai chose the best possible person among those she could have? Even after seeing everything that became of him?

Why do I still feel like she found someone truly good—someone absolutely worthy of love? If I were the writer, I’d want Ai to meet such a person. So emotionally, I can accept this, but looking at how the story is unfolding, I’m confused about how it’s supposed to make sense. I want it to end this way, and emotionally, I’m convinced it will. But logically, it’s hard to imagine what path the story will take to get there.

How can I still be so strongly convinced that Ai’s boyfriend, at his core, has one of the most genuinely good personalities in the entire series? No one’s ever told me he was a good person. In fact, there’s been a lot of negative impressions about him, but somehow, this feeling pushes through all of that. How?

I can’t shake the thought that someone with a nature like his couldn’t just twist like this on his own.

There were bad circumstances, despair, incredibly poor luck, and the guilt he’s carried—sure, that’s all there. And narratively, it makes sense. He’s written in a way that he couldn’t help but deeply, deeply love Ai, so after her death, of course, he wouldn’t be okay. How could he be?

But something else pushed him beyond the point of normal breakdown. It feels like something shattered him far more than what he could have endured naturally. It’s as if something made him lose his mind completely. It’s too strange. Why do I feel this way?

But when the line about him having a “noble soul” came up, I accepted it immediately. I thought, of course. It felt so obvious to me that I wondered why it hadn’t come up sooner. It was exactly what I expected.

Ai really did find someone who wanted to be with her forever, someone truly good. I am convinced yet again. That feeling strikes me really strongly.

But how did he end up like this? I have some ideas, but I can’t know what the author has in mind. And no matter how much a reader tries to predict a series still in progress, ultimately, it’s up to the author, right?

He’s barely appeared in the story, yet why do I feel so strongly about this?;;; Why do I feel like this? But I’m still relying on that feeling when I draw fan art.

It’s so strange…

He’s an extraordinarily kind person, I think? but… this is strange. Why do I feel this way after seeing everything?;;; What’s going on? Why am I like this?

The good thing is, with a personality like that, I know I can handle him well. I always love these types of characters, so drawing him would be fun. But really… is this right? I mean, he’s someone who is accused of having killed many people and even tried to kill his own daughter—how could this feeling even be correct?

One more thing I’ve noticed—if just two or three good things had happened to him along the way, Kamiki wouldn’t have ended up so broken.

When I think about what the author is trying to show by completely destroying a character who was once so gentle…

I think I get it. There could be a message that can be derived from it, if I'm inferring things right. But… I’m not sure because I'm not the writer themselves, so… haha.

Ah, if I couldn’t sense anything, I’d just shut off my brain and go along with whatever, I wouldn't care at all. I keep feeling like I see something faint, though, so I keep talking about it. But since there’s no certainty, I feel like I’m making a fool of myself.

Ah. Really… I rarely misread these kinds of things. He’s such a fundamentally good person… I wish they’d show more clearly how he ended up like this. He’s worth studying. Since both of the authors are so skilled in psychological portrayal, I’m sure they’ll express this in a way that makes sense. I feel like I could predict it, but it’s still too vague for me to say.

These intuitions are so hard to explain. But they’re usually right. I don’t get these things wrong often… So for now, I’m just writing it down because feelings are fleeting and I would think of different things at different time. These little notes live in the now.

[sunrisemill]

✮From the start✮ Pt.4

Chris and y/n have always been inseparable, they’ve always relied on each other but what happens when one of them falls?

(Warnings: mentions of mental health such as Anxiety and possibly depression. Please take care of yourself, I love you 🤍)

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Finale

Y/ns’ POV

(Present)

I feel a wave of anxiety crash down on me as he stares at me from across the dining table. How in the hell am I supposed to do this? I feel the tension rise within seconds as I remain silent, I just wish I could see what he's thinking. The look he has on his face is unreadable and stern. God, I've fucked everything up. I continue to tell myself that until I hear him clear his throat. “Well…are you going to say something?” Right, with my emotions at an all-time high, I completely forgot how much time had passed. “I'm so sorry, Chris,” I whisper before taking in a deep shaky breath. “It was wrong to treat you like that and it's okay if you don't forgive me, I understand. But I couldn't go on until I gave you an apology.” I watch him carefully as he processes my words. Please forgive me, please Chris. He nods his head before leaning back in his chair. “I'm sorry too. But could you just tell me what's wrong? You continue to shut me out and that's not healthy Y/n, you can't just bottle everything up and expect it to be okay.” He sits up straight and leans forward again, propping his elbows on the table as he reaches his hand out to gently hold my hand in his. His touch sends shockwaves throughout my body. “Just talk to me. I'm here.”  My chest tightens as I stare down at our hands which are interlocked. I can feel his eyes bore into my head as the air grows thicker. I can’t tell him, he's gonna think I'm being dramatic or I'm just being silly. Oh my god, he's gonna think that something is wrong with me, or that I'm too much for him to handle and he's just going to leave me. “Y/n?” The concern in Chris’ voice when he notices how my breathing has picked up causes me to spiral into a deeper panic. I lift my head to look at him but my vision is blurred by tears. Chris’ face drops when he sees me in such a distressed state. “Y/n, please talk to me.” The slight squeeze he gives my hand pushes me over the edge. I can't do this. I need to leave. Right. Now. I tell myself as I quickly drop his hand and shoot up out of my chair, the speed of my action causes the chair to fall back, but I don't care. The only thing I care about is getting out of that damn house. The sound of Chris calling after me is cancelled out as the sound of my heartbeat in my ears drowns it out.

~~~~

Chris’ POV

I feel as though everything just blew up within a few minutes. I shouldn't have done that, I pushed her too far now. I can't believe I had her back and now im watching her run out of my house because of my idiotic actions. “Y/n!” I shout out to her but she doesn't stop…shit. I quickly stand up to chase after her but get stopped by a tug on my arm, my head snaps to look at whatever has tugged on my arm and im met with my mother. “You have to let her go, Chris. She's not worth it.” Nothing but rage fills my senses as I hear those words leave her mouth. She's not worth it…How dare she say that about Y/n, she doesn't know her like I do.  “you have no idea what you’re talking about.” She looks up at me with sympathy. “I've seen enough to know that she's no good. If you go after her now she’s gonna trip up again and drag you down with her, I used to know people like her, and They did nothing but destroy everything in their paths. Do not go.” I stand there in pure disbelief. “So what? Im just supposed to stand here like a fucking imbecile when she's obviously distressed?!” I spit out as I yank my arm away from her, looking down at her with disgust. “Im not doing that again. Im going after her, whether you like it or not.” I give her one last gare before turning around and walking out of the house in search of Y/n.

~~~~

Y/ns’ POV

The sound of crickets chirping in the long grass and wind rustling withered leaves has an eerie but soothing sound. I can't believe I ran out of there but I know that's what I needed to do. I stare at the reflection of the moon across the lake as I think back to when life was simple before reality struck me like a bolt of lightning. I think back to when I was just a little kid sitting on the same ground that I am now, I remember a small Chris running to me to show me a small daisy that he thought I'd like. He has always been like that, the kindest soul I have ever known. But I just had to ruin it, ruin us. Sometimes, I think he would be better off without me, im only just dragging him down. He insists that he wouldn't know where he would be without me but I know… He'd be happier and not have to deal with all the stress and sadness I've caused. It's like I destroy everything I've ever touched, why can't I just be normal? I let out a silent sob as my fingers tangled through the grass below me, If Chris was here he'd tell me that it would be okay, that I'd be okay. But how could he be so sure of that? He’d be horrified if he took even a peek into my brain. I still remember how he looked at me on that night. “I’ve never met a girl like you before, I feel like all my problems go away when I'm with you. I'm so glad I get to call you my best friend.” I shake my head at the memory. How could I be so stupid? He’d never like me, he's gonna end up with a happy bubbly girl and realize how horrible I am. I bring a shaky hand up to wipe away the tears on my cheeks when I hear a voice. “I thought I'd find you here.” I keep my head down as I feel Chris sit beside me.

“Hey…” He whispers as he wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me close to him “It’s gonna be okay, you're gonna be okay.” I let out a small chuckle. “I knew you’d say that.” I sniffle, leaning into his touch, it takes me a moment but I finally look up at him. He lets out a sad sigh and brings his hand up to my face, wiping away the tears that continue to roll down my cheeks. “Am I that predictable, huh?” He asks teasingly with a slight tilt to his head. I smile softly as I take my chance to fully take in everything about this moment. The way his hair brushes against my face as he looks down at me. The moonlight casting a pale light around us. I bask in the comfortable silence between us, wishing it could last forever. “I'm so sorry Y/n… I shouldn't have pushed you-” “It's okay, Chris.” I quickly cut him off. “It's just… I'm not good at talking about my feelings. Ever since I was younger I was told I was sensitive and I was overreacting. Everyone made me feel like I was crazy when I would open up, they’d say it was all in my head but would never comfort me or even try to help me. So I thought that if I could hide my feelings we’d be fine, but it didn't work.” My heart drops down to my stomach as I open up for the first time. “I'm just so tired of it all…” I sigh as my head hangs low. “I feel like everyone is moving on with their lives and I'm stuck frozen in time. Look at me right now… one thing goes wrong in my life and I come running back to the lake.” I shake my head as I look back out towards the water. Why does this have to be so difficult? “I try so hard at everything but nobody seems to notice or care, But when somebody actually notices I chase them away 'cause I get scared that I'd be a burden to them, I feel like such a coward.” I whisper the last part as I wait until the moment when Chris finally speaks up. It takes him a minute but he tightens his arms around me as he whispers. “I'm sorry… I know how hard that was for you and I just want you to know that I'm so proud of you. I take back every word I said to you, You are not a coward Y/n, you’re the strongest person I know.” He ends that sentence by placing a kiss on the side of my head. Oh my god, he just kissed me. I'm sure it was just a friendly kiss. “You think so?” I whisper back, hope glimmering in my eyes. “I know so. You’ve gone through so much, Y/n. I’ve never been more proud of somebody else before. Just know…you could never be a burden to me, Y/n. I love you so much and I care for you so deeply, you can come to me always. I could be anywhere, I could be at a concert and I'd still drop everything to come see you” He looks down at me with his infamous boyish grin.  I smile back at him as I finally feel my tears dry up. “You love me?” I whisper in disbelief, how is this possible? He loves me back. He nods his head as he replies with a voice so soft that it puts clouds to shame

“More than anything.”

(A/n: Omg I worked my ass off on this one. I hope that you enjoyed it 🤭 the next part is gonna be the last one (don’t take my word on it cause I’m indecisive) anyways, thank you for reading, I LOVE U 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💋😽)

Tags: @guccifrog @junnniiieee07

[lightofraye]

I decided to torture myself.

I don't know why.

Her voice is just awful. Dear Danneel, please get vocal lessons. Bring it down an octave or something because fucking yikes.

A follower sent me this and asked if I had seen it. I had not. It was, after all, a fan compilation of various interviews of Danneel, videos, whatever. And...

How the hell do people stan her?

She's vapid, uneducated. Ugh.

Anyway... points of interest.

Throughout the whole video: WHO CARES ABOUT THE DAMNED HAIR TWIRLING?!

0:54: During a photo shoot I guess at a premier. ZERO chemistry between Danneel and Jensen. Jensen is smiling politely and wanting to get away as fast as possible.

1:00: Yes Danneel. We can see that it's a hallway. GOD. How insipid. Even Jensen was like "OMG, what?"

1:54: Uh. Danneel, honey, why would anyone else play Dean Winchester besides Jensen Ackles? He did not like that one bit.

4:14: Uh huh. If Jensen had witnessed some of it, why was nothing done then? I'm super-dubious about this claim. I really am. And how could he have witnessed it when he was likely filming Supernatural during that? Hmm.

5:55: Yeahhh.... had the family, but the steady career? Hahaha. Nope.

6:35: Danneel, honey, neither do you. If you expect me to believe you do any of the cleaning, I'm gonna call you a liar. You do nothing. Also, Jensen looked annoyed at the idea of so many bathrooms.

6:43: You are also not nice. I came across some old rumors about you, honey. You were awful, vicious, and the reason you got fired from One Tree Hill was because of your *whispers* drug habits.

6:55: WHAT IS SHE WEARING?!

7:35: The ever-changing face, proving that she lies about her plastic surgery. (Supposedly she claims she doesn't that many and I died laughing.) Also: "beautiful men with big egos"--bullshit, honey. You're the one who has the massive ego with zero to back it up. Plus she sounds as insincere as fuck.

8:22: "It's good. I love him. He's great." Insincere.

8:33: I'm cringing on Jensen's behalf. "Where the magic happens". And bypassed Jensen's wishes and insisted it not be cut--and guess what? It wasn't cut. As if they've shared a bed in years.

8:44: Ohhhh my gods. The brewery interview. Pay attention to Jensen's face as the interviewer talks about working together, living together--Jensen's done. And actually says "yes" to being tired of being with her. Danneel looked pissed. Ah honey...

11:43: Uh huh. The ring, huh? Gold digger.

12:04: The so-called flight anxiety. Whatever, Danneel. If you're able to fly without supposed help or therapy...? (No, getting drunk is not legitimate help.) You fly a lot, more than most "average" people. You take your kids. You go to conventions. You supposedly saw your husband a lot when he was filming Supernatural. You flew for your tidbits of roles. Then you're fine.

14:34: "Jensen's first time being in here." For the kitchen? Oh please! As if he never went in for a snack, beer, or anything. SHUT UP, DANNEEL.

14:38: "Nothing can happen to me, not for me, but for my kids." Excuse me, I need to shake some sense into her. Babe, honey, you do jackshit for your kids. They'll be fine.

Also that's not how panic attacks work. You literally aren't able to talk yourself out of it. Please stop.

15:36: "We're having another baby." That look your husband gave you? A deserved death glare because you knew he wouldn't like it. Stop emotionally torturing him, god!

16:41: I love that Jensen called her out on her lie about her name. I don't think she liked that either.

17:24: Ah. The insult about him smelling bad. God, can't she ever say anything nice about him? See the way he took a deep breath, braced himself? That's not a normal reaction to a "joke".

17:43: How can he not know women put perfume on their wrists and elsewhere? Translation: he never sees Danneel do it. Because they don't share a bedroom after all.

18:11: HOW CAN HE NOT KNOW THAT CHAIR MOVES?! Did the man not live there at all?!

19:34: Oh god. The doll. Honestly, Jensen should dump it. Stop torturing him with it! It's not funny!

19:53: Couldn't let him have the closet joy, huh? Bitch.

20:18: No. You're not nice. Nope. Not at all.

God. My eardrums. I'm crying now.

Danneel, babe, vocal coach. Please!

[moedull]

LIKE

A/N: This is part of my AO3 series where my favourite characters represent different times (and ways) to say I love you

this was written waaay back in 2021? This is rewritten ofc, but, quite hastily in my opinion! It may not be the best, but, hey, it's cool

also.... dont be afraid to comment... help artists survive by showing ur love through comments or sharing their fics!!!!! >_o thanks!

AKA. Posted from my ao3 once again!

words: 1273

tags: NOT BETA READ, mild hurt/comfort, gender neutral reader, established relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Enjoy: TSUKISHIMA KEI!

“Oh you’re still going on about that?”

“Yes.” 

Tsukishima sighs, sitting behind you as you smash the letters on your keyboard. You hear the bed creak and suddenly, he’s sitting next to you. He gently grabs your hands and holds them tight. 

“Hey.” He starts casually.

You look him in the eye with a huge frown, and furrowed eyebrows. “What?”

“Come here.”

‘Here’ is the soft bed you wish to lay on with no worries in the world. Of course, with your boyfriend, Tsukishima Kei.

“Why?”

“Why not?” 

“I’m busy right now…” You try pushing him away. 

“You don’t look like you’re in the best condition.” He says matter of factly, rubbing circles onto the back of your hand.

“So what if I am? I have to finish my thesis.”

He looks at you, sighs, and rolls his eyes. “I know that but it doesn’t change the fact that I worry about you.”

“I can take care of myself.” You hushed. “But thank you.”

“Are you ever gonna let me help? Or just go along with everything because you have too much pride for your own good?”

“No.” You huff. You suppose it was a habit from when you first met– always reaching for the top, showing everyone who really deserves to be up there– and, you do. You try hard everyday, working and caring for so many different things.

You just seem to be out of luck as it always feels like your efforts are unnoticed. In such situations, perseverance is key– but that kind of mindset may quickly turn sour when they’re left to linger and turn into stubbornness. 

You should probably hate Tsukishima Kei– strong-willed, cool and collected, and of course, smart. You would never have expected to hit it off with him, but he's one of those people who could easily get under your skin and get you to crack.

“Well, I know you can handle yourself, but don’t forget to eat.”

You roll your eyes (no malice is intended, of course). “You don’t need to baby me all the time.”

His eyebrow twitches, and he rolls his eyes in exasperation (no malice is intended here as well). “Whatever. But you need to sleep. Okay?”

“Yeah yeah.” You wave his concerns away, already turning around to resume typing.

Tsukishima huffs, gets up and moves over to your desk. He places his hands on either side of the laptop, leaning forward slightly as he studies the screen. 

“It’s not good to stress yourself out like this.”

“I don’t stress out.” You argue.

“Right, cause you always make sure you’re not stressed out.”

“I am not stressed out.” You insist.

“Fine.”  He relents. “But just remember I care about you. I can’t help it if you act like an idiot sometimes.”

The corners of your lips twitch up. “You’re cute.”

“Shut up.” 

“And sweet.”

“Stop saying that.”

“Don’t you think I should use more than two adjectives when talking about someone I like?” You ask with a smile, tilting your head.

He grins smugly down at you, crossing his arms over his chest. “Maybe.”

You chuckle, but it stops right away as you turn back to your work. Tsukishima still hangs around, not entirely convinced of your claims of being fine. He is especially convinced when you simply stare at your blank page, trying to find the right words to make the right sentence to make the right point of the right argument and–

“Okay, so what’s the problem?” He asks, taking a seat next to you. He scrolls up with your mouse, trying to read the rest of your document. 

You see the reflection of his face; His eyebrows knit together, lips pursed as the cursor moves underneath a few words. He lingers on a few sentences for unknown reasons that make your hands sweat and your heart beat faster. Flustered? Hardly, it’s the ache of anxiety. Your problems, right now, are far from school-related. 

“Mm.” Tsukishima hums, resting his chin on your shoulder. “You have the idea, so that’s good.”

But,

“You’re not being straight to the point about it.” He scrolls back to whatever page you made some stupid mistake on.

When did mistakes matter? I mean, seriously, at which stage of your life, did you begin to wallow over your mistakes? You were only in 3rd grade, scraping your knee on a cement pavement from running and that was one of the worst things that happened to you. 

Now, you read back on all of your essays and tests and feel your heart drop when you see that red ‘X’, the teacher encircling a specific part, or some harsh comments at the side. You want to blame the system, the adults, the economy or whatever God is up there– but, you can’t help it– You look in the mirror, thinking: Fuck. Was this all me?

Someone flicks your forehead, and you let out a wince, rubbing the spot.

“Hey.” Tsukishima says, tilting his head to look at your face. “You were zoning out.”

You glance back at him with an almost confused, somewhat dazed look. Here’s another big question: When did Tsukishima Kei matter? It’s incredible that you looked at someone for 304 days, talked, fell in love and somehow, it’s your life and his. You can’t put it into words right now; the questions that grow inside the empty pit of your stomach, because, right, you haven’t eaten yet, and you can’t tell if it really is a question, or if it’s screaming at you. 

You feel like you’re going to vomit–Fuck, that anxiety was just building up inside of you.

“I..” You pause, swallowing a non-existent lump in your throat. 

 “I didn’t think..” You pause again, taking a deep breath. “I didn’t think you’d like me back.”

He sits straight up, and stares down at you, furrowing his eyebrows with narrowed eyes. “What do you mean?”

You shake your head. “Look, I wasn’t expecting any response from you when I confessed.” 

You pause, feeling your eyes burn slightly from the tears that were building up, “I was just.. someone. You were one of the smartest guys in school—still are—but, out of everyone....” you start to trail off. 

“Out of everyone, why did you choose me?” You continue, forcing yourself to speak slowly, slightly tensing up at the evident sound of your voice breaking halfway.

He doesn’t respond. He slumps his shoulders, seemingly taken aback and bewildered.

“Why does someone like you pick me?” You laugh bitterly. Your heart aches even at the thought of it.

You watch him closely, as if looking for some sort of reaction or sign of how he feels. A flicker in his eyes, anything.

Tsukishima’s face remains blank for several moments before opening his mouth slowly to say, “Because I like you.”  

It takes you a minute to process what he said and you blink owlishly. You’d been prepared to hear something like ‘You’re a dumbass’ or something along the lines.

”But why?” You manage to blurt out, unable to hide a frown.

There’s a long silence as you hold his gaze. You stare at each other, neither willing to break eye contact, not until he leans in and presses his lips against yours.

“Was that answer not enough?” He whispers into your ear, his fingers gently caressing your cheek.

You feel lightheaded, your entire body buzzing and your heartbeat drumming against your ribcage.

You can’t speak, so instead you shake your head.

There's silence as he begins to cradle you in his arms, resting his chin on your head.

“I love you.” He tells you again.

[humongousgothskeletonfarm]

chapter 6 thoughts: (spoilers ahead!)

oh. fuck.

-

he was king. now he’s a martyr.

holy shittttt

-

aftg really brings us all together, this is random but i love talking to other fan accounts about the books

-

anyway fanfics will no longer have to speculate when rikos funeral was, and if kevin attended or not (or if he had a mental breakdown about it)

also neil u have no tact babe and i love u for it

-

oh renee ur so lovely ur so insightful (neil u should listen to what she has to say)

jean and his ‘i won’t grieve him’ ❤️🫶

- ‘promise me’ jean said with a desperation that should have kill him, nathaniel didn’t hesitate, ‘i promise’ SHUT THE FUCK UP I LOVE THEM THANK U NORA THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANTED FROM THIS BOOK

THE SWAP FROM NATHANIEL TO NEIL IS JUST AS POWERFUL FROM JEANS PERSOECTIVE IN TSC AS IT WAS IN FROM NEILS IN TKM I LITERALLY CANNOT THE PARALLELS ARE KILLING ME

-

it’s 1:40 am and i’ve just made a cup of tea to keep myself awake

feeling many things about jeans perusal of the fox photo wall and taking renee’s picture

-

i know these motherfuckers aren’t accusing neil kevin and jean of abandoning that cunt and leading to his ‘suicide’

-

WE ARE THE RIGHT PEOPLE I THINK JUST NOT THE RIGHT TIME (look i am admittedly not a jean/renee shipper but good god they are so sweet in this)

A COOL EVENING BREEZE AND RAINBOWS

-

screaming as silently as i can rn

- petition for someone to put summertime sadness on the jean playlist

-

whattttt is the mystery about jeremy’s family?? what is this fabled fall banquet that tore his family in half im so intrigued i have to know more

ALSO JEREMY IS IN THERAPY AND HAS SOME SORT OF FAMILY ISSUES I KNEW IT IM SURE THATS ON A BINGO SOMEWHERE

-

jeremy dad of the trojans checking to see that they’re safe and also cody first cannon non binary character??? pls say yes

-

accidentally fell asleep in the middle of my planned all nighters whoops it’s currently 7 am

chapter 7:

“I like to indulge,” Jeremy said with a dimpled smile. ​Kevin’s words mocked him in the back of his thoughts: “Some of them you like.”

i did. notice this in chapter 2 or whatever but is this?? are we getting jerejean???? that’s what this means righ??

-

jeremy wdym ‘oh to be the pampered elite’ u have a butler??

jean defending kevin saying he’s earned the right to be arrogant be still my beating heart i love these stubborn mother fuckers

-

He was years away, watching a different beautiful boy lean in close to say, Will you teach me when he’s not watching? It could be our secret.

STOP IT RN

chapter 8!!

flicked him a sly look. “Easy on the eyes, maybe.”

AHHHHH!!!

-

also so glad that there’s 100% confirmation cat and laila are dating (shared bedroom!)

-

the description of laila and cats lounge room is so soft and cozy im so jealous i wish i was there

-

barkbark von barkenstein u will never top sir fat cat mcatterson (although props to nora for always having simultaneously the worst and most creative names for pets)

-

jean telling cat she’s a good player but misses every ball at her hips is literally every raven! (someone) fic ever come to life where they meet a relatively normal other team and have absolutely no tact or awareness of what others considered rude and immediately tell the other players what their weaknesses are (i’m obsessed)

-

“Yes,” he said, and if he didn’t sound sure, he at least sounded angry. “Let them all burn. I hope none of them survive.” BABY I LOVE U IM SO PROUD OF U UR SAFE NOW FUCK RIKO FUCK THE RAVENS FUCK THE MASTER

-

“Oh, he’s good. A bit rude, but I like him. I think we’re going to be good friends.”

i’d say the exact same thing

-

*jeremy giving jean the keys*

well it’s not andreil levels of drama and symbolism but love a good comparison

-

or they do not care enough about her wellbeing. It’s unforgivable either way.”

giggling a bit over jean being up in arms about boba knowing that he’d be seriously unimpressed with me if he knew how much boba i drank

-

he wants to know what it was for

AND WHAT IF THAT LINE BROKE ME NORA?? AND WHAT THEN??

The Ravens had given up everything to be the undefeated champions, only to be destroyed last month by a tiny team from South Carolina.

I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE

“Loving something is not enough,” Jean told him, right on cue. ​“When is the last time you enjoyed playing?” Jeremy asked. ​“Irrelevant,” Jean said. “I am Jean Moreau; I am perfect Court. I do not need to enjoy it to be the best backliner in the NCAA.”

that was what Jean felt safest in, Jeremy would back his decision wholeheartedly.

LITERALLY LEAVE ME ALONE

chapter 9999

also i’m so glad that we have jeremy/laila/cat friendship like in fics and stuff they were always best buddies coz they were the only trojan characters named in the books but it’s great to see they’re actually good friends in cannon

-

“I need you to listen to me for one moment,” Laila said, “and I need you to believe me when I say it. Fuck Coach Moriyama.”

AGREED AGREED AGREED FUCK THAT CUNT

-

COOKING LESSONS WITH JEAN THIS IS THE WHOLESOME CONTENT I SIGNED UP FOR

-

cat talking macronutrients and promising to help with his diet so it’s still familiar but more fun in order to begin healing jeans relationship with food is so important to me

-

nora bleaching jeremy’s hair blonde after telling us she was shocked we all headcannoned him as blonde while she thought he was brunette is so funny to me,, don’t worry fan artists u do not have to change a thing!

(frosted tips made me giggle too, jeremy u pussy)

-

“Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?”

-

chapter 10

jean learning basic household chores like sorting and washing clothes and deep cleaning the apartment and learning his way around a supermarket <3

-

LAILA CAT JEAN FRIENDSHIP IS REAL

Afternoons were filled with whatever the women were in the mood for that day, be it wandering downtown, shopping, or combing through estate sales.

Jean went where they took him because it was better than being left in the house alone,

-

COOKING IS HEALING JEAN ITS A COMFORT THING SHUT THE FUCK UP THIS IS EVERYTHUNG HES SO REAL FOR THAT

-

Ravens graduated; they didn’t leave.

fuck if that didn’t just stop my heart

-

i definitely should have been more wary of the trigger warnings. if anyone is wanting to read the book but is worried about certain parts, i’d be happy to let y’all know what sections are triggering so u can try and skip around them.

-

But Jean was not a Raven, and Wayne was dead.

FUCK YEAH BABY NOT ANYMORE U ARENT

-

the thought of that quiet space with its single bed was so repulsive he turned toward the living room instead. - this is so important to me

He could sense the others’ presence even if they weren’t around to bother him, and that was enough to take the edge off the loneliness eating at his heart.

literally end my life i’m so happy for jean, he’s healing slowly but surely

-

this was better than anything he’d ever had. It was worlds more than he deserved. He feared it as much as he wanted it;

JEAN U DO DESERVE IT I PROMISE U

-

wait wtf,, zane is reacher??? in literally every raven fic ever reacher is the most abusive character other than riko

-

OMFG BEACH SCENE??? THEYRE GONNA TAKE JEAN TO THE BEACH??? CHECK THAT OFF EVERY SINGLE BINGO CARD MADE FOR THIS BOOK

^ yeah i wrote that two seconds before then reading jeans panic attack about drowning and the trigger of riko waterboarding him and neil and now i want to cry

[countrymusiclover]

5 - Capitol Interviews

Part 6

Are You District or Capitol?

Pretty please leave your thoughts in the comments 🙏 😁 ❤️ Tag list ( send an ask in my ask box to be added ) @lemonluvgirl @virtualsweetsdreamer @emma-andrea1 @voiddylanobrosey @kmc1989

@agentxx92

A couple more days and we would all be thrown into an arena to die.

I had been spending most of my days training downstairs with Finnick. When everyone was in the training area o if it was after hours and we were supposed to stay inside of our rooms. Regardless we’d find something to prattle fighting with just to be as best prepared as we could. Our lives, especially mine, depended on it.

Throwing a kitchen knife at his head he ducked and the blade launched itself into the wall behind him. “You’re doing a lot better than last time.” He complimented me twirling the broomstick in his hand that he had said felt similar to his trident.

“I wish you didn’t have to be telling me I’m doing good at practicing killing people inside an arena.” I admitted looking down at my old brown boots.

He eyed the ground letting silence fill the room, deciding to change the conversation to something else we could talk about. “Let’s take a break.”

“Oh what, the Capital Darling doesn’t wish to wipe the floor with me.” I mocked not expecting that response from him.

Finnick stared at me. “No, not really. I actually like you where I don't want to show off how much stronger I might be then you.”

“You like me. How exactly?” I knitted my brows together.

Finnick reached down for my hand intertwining it with mine leading me outside and onto his apartment balcony and he shut the door behind us. “You need to know that you can’t ever show your true feelings. That's what I am always hiding from the Capitol. But I can’t have us go into these games without you knowing how I feel.”

“And how exactly do you feel? We’ve only known each other for two weeks.”

He shakes his head at me moving to hold both my hands in his and his eyes utterly focused on mine. “I never thought I was allowed to love after Snow sold my body off to the Capital. But somehow, someway I found myself caring for - um falling for you.”

“What do we do now, Finn?” I asked before he closed the distance between us where without any real thought I wrapped my arms around his neck reciprocating the kiss.

Finnick put one hand around my waist and his other threaded into my messy blonde hair. Even though this was technically the second time we’ve kissed it didn’t feel that way. It felt like I had known him much longer than two weeks. “We’re gonna get through this, Ari.”

“My father’s the only person who’s called me that.” Sniffing through tears he pulled me into his chest and we just held the other for a few hours knowing we needed to get ready for the interviews tonight.

The evening had finally come for the interviews and I was almost as nervous for this as I was for the Games in the next morning. Cesar stepped out onto the stage beginning the show for all of Panem. “Good evening and welcome on the eve of the 75th Hunger Games. We've never seen anything like this and we will never see anything like it again. Because tonight on this day 24 of Panem's brightest stars - and one added addition will buy for the ultimate crown. Tonight will be their final opportunity to express their thoughts...Our final opportunity to express our love...Heartbreakingly. To say goodbye to all but one. What a night. Let's hear it.”

“What exactly do I say up there. I’ve never been in this situation before, dad.”

“You say whatever you think will stop the Games just like the others are trying to do.” He responded by taking a long sip from his beer bottle.

It was listening to a few districts before my father tapped me on the shoulder telling me to pay attention to the screen seeing Finnick appearing on stage. “Finnick. I understand that you have a message to somebody out there. A special somebody. Let me hear it.” Cesar aims the microphone at him.

Finnick clicked his tongue pausing before he responded. “My love. You have my heart. For all eternity. If… If I die in that arena. My last thought would be of your lips.”

I released a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding in at his words. Clutching my hands into fists briefly I raised a hand to my mouth unsure of how I should feel about what he had said, regardless he knew how to be secretive about who the message was for. “Oh my word. He’s smitten with you, my dear girl.”

“You knew. But how?” Whipping my head around in the direction of my mother standing in the corner wearing a gold wig and bright red dress.

My father pointed his beer bottle at me with a smirk playing off his lips. “It’s rather obvious on your face, sweetheart. I’d suggest doing whatever you can to hide those feelings from Snow.”

“I’ll do my best.” I gulped, sliding my hands down the side of my dress before a peacekeeper came to escort me out into the hallway so I was in place when it was my turn for an interview.

“We have seen a lot of tears here tonight. But I see no tears in Johanna's eyes. Johanna you are angry, tell me why?” Cesar asked her, curious when I paid attention to the newest tribute on the tv screen.

The woman with Raven black hair kept her cool for a moment before cursing on live television in front of everyone. I had to agree with her that this situation was messed up. “Well yes I'm angry. You know I'm totally getting screwed over here. The deal was that if I won the Hunger Games I get to live the rest of my life in peace. But now you wanna kill me again. But you know what? fuck that! fuck anybody that has to do with it!”

Cesar brought the microphone back, not sure what to really say. “Alright then. One woman’s opinion.”

Fixing the fabric of my dress I tried to calm myself down so certain I would mess this up somehow. My mother Effie came up to me taking my hands in hers. “You look so beautiful, my dear. And I have something for you too.” She clipped something to one of the straps of my dress.

My dress was a light orange red color with thin straps and it fell down to my knees. My hair was slightly curly and they couldn’t do much since it was only short enough to reach the top of my shoulders. “It’s beautiful, mom.” I saw the pin was a gold dagger she had clipped on me.

A peacekeeper touched my arm signaling it was time to go so I turned around following his boots until I could hear Cesar’s voice on the other side of the double doors. “This next tribute was an interesting addition to this years Games. She has been revealed to be the daughter of Effie Trinket and winner of the 50th Hunger Games Haymitch Abernathy. Now let’s see what she has to say, give it up for Ariyne Abernathy!”

I slowly walked out onto stage seeing my father sitting in the crowd next to Katniss’s designer. Sitting down in the chair next to the announcer Cesar sent me a cheeky grin. “Ariyne, first thing I think needs to be said is that you look rather beautiful in your dress.”

“Thank you, Cesar.” I responded.

He aimed the microphone at me waiting for a response. “I know myself and the audience have been wondering whether or not you are Capital or District.”

“I’d say District.” I paused thinking of my response. “I wasn’t aware who my mother was until the Reaping Day. I’ve only ever known life living in the Districts.”

The announcer tilted his head to the side. “So if you were given the chance to experience living in the Capital if you win the Games would you take the opportunity?”

“I’m not really sure I would.” I muttered under my breath.

Cesar nodded. “I have one final question for you, Ariyne.”

“Hit me with it.” I met his gaze.

“How do you feel about your chances of winning the Games when everyone else here has already been in the Games before compared to you?”

Clutching my hands into fists in my lap I pictured Finnick in my mind when I answered the question needing to show that I wasn’t as terrified as I truly was in that moment. “I’ve made some good allies in my opinion so I think I have a fair chance of not dying the first second that cannon goes off. And who knows I could be my father’s daughter.” Forming a smirk on my face I eyed the announcer and the audience gasped since I was referring to my father’s Games.

Cesar helped me from my seat, sending me off the stage. “Thank you, Ms. Abernathy.” I walked up the stairs standing by the district 11 girl watching Katniss and Peeat do their interviews, causing everyone in the crowd to panic when they thought the Girl on Fire was pregnant.

I had hoped that lie would be enough to call off the Games but unfortunately it wouldn’t be. The Games were still going to happen.

[foxytonic]

New Pinned Post!

Howdy! I'm Jay! (she/they, 29, genderfluid, bisexual) This is my main blog, where you'll find fandom content, shiny rocks, spooky shit, funny stories (usually by other people), and whatever else catches my fancy. I run a shit-ton of RP blogs, but only a few of them are active at any given time. I also have a writing blog and an RP meme blog that I occasionally update. Outside of Tumblr, I have a full time job at a fast food joint (hate with a burning passion), and I play a lot of Dungeons & Dragons (love!!!), and I try to just live my life. I'm a disabled punk who's really tired of living in a Red State, but can't bring myself to leave because this is my home, and there are still plenty of good things about it, like roadrunners, armadillos, cacti, cave systems, and prairies! Wish I could get out and see more of it.

Some guidelines for following/interacting with me:

No bigotry of any kind. That means no racism, no homophobia, no antisemitism or religious discrimination, no TERF or radfem bullshit, no man-hater nonsense (even from so-called feminists), and no sexism. Don't like, don't follow. You whine about it, you get blocked instantly. I will not suffer hateful fools!

If you regularly post about politics, US or otherwise, please tag it. Same with the wars in Gaza and Ukraine. It's not that I don't care! I think it's shitty what's happening over there, and the fact that America is on the wrong side in what is essentially World War III is fucking disgusting, but I do not have the funds or mental capacity to donate to every fundraiser that shows up on my dash, and seeing people suffering and feeling guilty for not being able to help has made my depression a lot worse over the past year. This is the reason why I've shut off my inbox.

That being said, if you have questions or want to chat, my DMs are always open! It might take me hours to respond because of my work schedule, but I will at least try. I am a very awkward and shy person. It takes me a bit to start coming out of my shell, and even then, I tend to be a social chameleon, matching the energy and interests of those around me. It is extremely difficult for me to truly be myself around someone else. Please be patient with me.

I do have Discord! If you want it, you can always DM me, but I admit that it's no longer my preferred method of contact, unless you want to voice chat. I'll join a server if I'm invited to one that interests me, but I won't always be active. Something about large groups of people being intimidating even on the internet!

As I said, I run way too many RP blogs, and I'll list the active ones below, but if you want to play with them, either shoot me a DM or send in a starter or five. I'm not exclusive, but I do tend to follow my partners back. I'm fine with playing with Anons, too!

Active RP Blogs

@quaintnecromancer - Arguably my most active blog! Jett is my necromancer OC, and definitely my current favorite character to play.

@haunted-ex-rocket - My newest blog! Averis is a Pokémon OC based on my Pokémon GO! avatar, a rakish Ghost-type trainer from Kanto who used to work for Team Rocket but defected when he stumbled upon the Giovanni-funded Mewtwo Project.

@cursedphoenix - Another of my favorite OCs! Tancred is a witch who was afflicted with a sleeping curse after losing a duel to his evil mother. Over three hundred years later, he woke up, and is still trying to adjust to the modern world after decades of living in it. I used to write both him and Jett over on @covenunited , but that blog is no longer active due to loss of muse.

@feathers-n-fangs - Griffin is my vampire/warlock OC, and I love him a lot! He also has a Pokémon AU, among others.

@mage-of-black-robes - my Raistlin Majere RP blog!!! Heavily influenced by the Russian musical The Last Trial, but he also has a ton of AUs.

I’ll try to add more blogs to this list as I gain muse for them, but I make no guarantees.

[landofzero-archive]

Absolute - To Abhor the Impure World 1

(Location: Airport (Lobby))

(Time has passed to the present day. The first year of ES’s establishment, the last third of February)

(Michigan, United States of America International Airport)

Nagisa: …… Ibara. Ibara, it’s time to wake up.

…… Without you to guide us, we’ll be stranded, won’t we?

Ibara: …… Nn…

My apologies. I fell asleep, it seems.

Nagisa: …… Were you having a nightmare of some kind? You were crying out in your sleep?

Ibara: No—I was merely dreaming about the first time I came here with you all.

Nagisa: …… I see. Ah, how nostalgic.

Ibara: Yes. However, this truly is the greatest mistake of my life. Once we safely reached our destination, did I relax? Or was I just exhausted—

I thought I’d just rest my eyes for 5 minutes, but before I knew it I had lost consciousness.

Hiyori: That’s because you were working on the plane. You idiot, you work idiot.

The human body isn’t supposed to work for 24 hours straight, y’know.

But because you forced yourself to work, you burnt yourself out and your body forcefully shut down.

It’s like you’re no different from a machine.

Jun: Ahaha. I thought you’d be diligent about that kind of thing~, but I guess you’re resting when you should be resting, huh?

Ibara: I was trying to be diligent about that myself. If I force myself to work, my efficiency will only decrease and won’t lead to results.

However, as expected, we’re currently in a situation where we can’t keep up unless we spare no time for sleep and engage in the black labor that the people of Japan love so much—

Nagisa: …… I see. That sounds difficult… I wish there was something I could do to help.

Ibara: And whose fault do you think it is that I’m so busy~?

Hiyori: Hey, that sounds like something Jun-kun would say! My dear juniors have become really good friends before I knew it♪

Jun: Ohiisan, sometimes I have no idea what kind of logic led you to that kind of conclusion. Are you some kind of girl that only blabs about feelings or whatever~?

Hiyori: Wha- that’s quite the misogynistic statement, isn’t it?

You have to be careful, even if America is a country we’re well-acquainted with.

Even so, a foreign country is a foreign country—common sense, laws, ambience, everything is different here.

Ibara: Indeed. America is a country that’s prone to lawsuits, if you conduct yourself carelessly then you’ll be sent straight to a jail cell.

Jun: Huuuh…… But the last time we came here nothin’ really happened, right?

Obviously I know I shouldn’t lose focus n’ say “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas~.”

Nagisa: …… Nothing happened, right?

…… So that’s how you perceived it.

Jun: ? Huh, did something happen last time that I didn’t know about? 

Nagisa: …… No. This is probably my own personal concern.

Jun: ………?

Ibara: Ahh seriously, if I leave you alone you’ll talk forever…… I was also nodding off, so I’m not really in any position to be bossy or scold you all.

Our time here is limited, so let’s act quickly and purposefully.

Hiyori: But today is just a travel day with nothing else to do, right? So wouldn’t it be fine to drop off our luggage at the hotel and go sightseeing or shopping?

Ibara: That’s alright, but before that—

Let’s greet the one responsible for calling us to this place.

There’s no point or need to be polite, though.

Gatekeeper: —Hey, you brats.

As usual, yer all are living with reckless abandon aren’t ya? Well?

Jun: Gatekeeper!?

Nagisa: …… It’s been a while.

Gatekeeper: Hey, child of God, yer looking like the Boss more and more these days.

Ya say it’s been a while, but it hasn’t been that long at all. Last time we met was during that main battle of SS, so it’s only been 2 months.

Well, I guess the sense of time is different for an old man like me and you brats.

Hiyori: Brat this, brat that…… As always, you sour the mood every time you open your mouth.

Gatekeeper: How rude, if ya make a fool of someone, it’ll cost ya yer business, see. Ya have a habit of threatening people over every little thing, like a stray cat.

Ibara: If you act too provocative, then you’ll only make more enemies, won’t you?

Gatekeeper: Ah? So what? It’s fine if ya kill the enemy. In fact, you’ll increase yer means of living—right?

Oh well. I’m also not in a position where I can be showing my face in public, so if we’re just chatting then let’s move somewhere else.

Shut up and follow me, youngsters.

Previous | Directory | Next

[pyromanic-pixie]

You knew it was going to be this way. It would have been easier just to keep your mouth shut. It's worked so far, right?

[CW: emotional/verbal/physical child abuse, Homo/transphobia, mention of self-harm/blood]

This story might be pretty distressing, though for what it's worth, I didn't go into much detail. If you choose to continue, thanks for listening..

But your big sister wouldn't have lied to you. She said it would be okay. She said she would help.. that she would make him understand if she had to. There was a resignation in her voice you struggled to place, however familiar it was.

You tried to think about it, but you were yanked back into reality by the sound of your dad's yelling. It was at your sis this time. Not for lack of trying to direct his anger at you, no, that's whose fault it is this time. She was just making herself a bigger target anytime he would get a little too loud or rude with me.

He would go back and forth between us, disgusted derision towards me and arrogant brow-beating towards her. She's doing okay keeping her cool so far, but I can see her mask cracking. No.. I can feel it. Not good.. all this for what? To tell him I'm a girl? To beg and plead and reason with him to treat me the way I want to be treated? To quit mocking me for being feminine? If my confiding in him that I was being bullied at school, that it was getting difficult to handle, is what STARTED him calling me slurs, I don't know what she expected this to accomplish..

I almost wish we'd never brought it up, but the look in her eyes when I she helped me realize who I was.. the way she told me I was brave, and that she was proud of me, and that she would always be there for me.. It gave me a confidence I didn't know I could feel around him.

I tell him to stop yelling at her. His head snaps to me, and he tells me to repeat myself. I try, but the words start catching in my throat. I'm too scared. I look to her, our eyes meet, her gaze reaches in my soul, and I feel a sense of desperation in her; familiar, stained with fear and resentment and a want to protect.. like home.

All it took was the slightest hint of confidence in her voice, and a single step forward. I watched his palm slam into her chest, I watched her stumble backwards 7 feet or so, I watched her bounce off the wall behind her. Not watched.. felt.

I felt the mask crack more too.. her body language shifted from protecting me to restraining herself. And when he laughed in her face and dared her to try it, I felt her heart break, as it had so many times before. Felt her stomach turn, as it had so many times before. Felt her eyes flood with tears, as they had so so many times before.

Her eyes darted to me, and I saw her swallow her anger and her pride, whatever corpse remained of her pride anyway, and gesture for me to follow her into her room.

Dad threw insults at us as we left. He always had the last word. Always made sure we knew that's how it worked here.. when the door closed, I felt tears spill down my cheeks, and saw them spill down hers, felt them spill down hers. She hugged me as tight as she could, and she told me she was sorry.. that she loved me, and that everything was going to be okay.. that dad loved us, even though he didn't treat us how you should treat the people you love. That no matter how he made me feel, I was worthy of love, and respect, and that I deserved to be happy and be myself. That him treating me this way was his fault, and not mine.. I felt her lips on my forehead, and I looked up into my big sisters eyes and felt loved. Felt safe.

And I blinked.. And I was looking up into my own eyes.. and I blinked.. and I was staring at my bedroom ceiling.

Dad was downstairs, yelling about something. It's hard to tell what it was this time. Who cares anyway? 16 years of life, so few memories of him smiling at me. Especially since I stopped playing sports.. Started trying to explore my feminine side more.. and now, with my little brother following in my fairy dust, dad has something else to blame me for.. oh well.. it makes it much easier to redirect the attention my way when it comes up.. I can't let him go through this too.. he doesn't deserve to feel this way.. about himself, our dad, his life..

A loud bang urges me to sit up out of bed. Naps are better than dissociating sometimes. Must have had a weird dream, though. Strange to be crying in my sleep. I check my shoulder to make sure the bleeding has stopped. Not like he would do anything other than mock me for cutting myself anyway, but I don't need to deal with it today. I grab my knife from beside me, and think about bringing it with me... under the mattress it goes..

I don't hear my little brother, and he only talks to the two of us that way, so he might just be shouting into the void.. I hope so. I throw a shirt on just to cover the cuts and scars, and I head downstairs anyway. I should make sure everything is okay.. I'll just try not to talk to him. I know I won't do well keeping my attitude in check right now. But if my brother is involved...

Well, better me than him

[kaycode1999]

For @pidgeyato

Hihi!!! Could I have an MHA Matchup? I'm super curious.

I'm 20, so adult characters only obvs. Idc too much about the characters age, but preferably like mid~ 30s as the max?

I'm AFAB and look very feminine, but I use all pronouns interchangeably. I'm Pansexual, so all genders are fine w me. I like wearing pastels and floral prints. Long flowy sleeves, lace or sheer detailing, bell bottoms... they're so good.

I'm a very anxious person. I will lose my marbles and shut down in loud, crowded, fast-paced environments. I am pretty insecure as well, not just in my appearance (I'm p chubby) but in my relationships with others. I tend to need a lot of reassurance/patience when I first meet people, but after a few months, I become more confident that they genuinely like me, and I let myself be unhinged around them ❤️

I ramble all. The. Time. Constantly sending my pals essays on whatever niche thing I'm fixated on. I tend to bounce between different art and writing-related projects because I have so many ideas!! Too many, in fact!!

Chronically sleepy. Can and will nap anywhere anytime. Big on physical affection.

l used to work at a daycare, so l adore little kids, if that helps :] I'm also a huge cat person. But I have a Pitbull as well so like... all critters are critters are good.

Also uh idk if smthn like this is super relevant, but I have wavy auburn hair and green eyes

I'm pretty much fine with receiving anybody... except for the really bad abusive people like Endeavor, obviously. Holding him at gunpoint as we speak ❤️

*pull the trigger bestie😊 no one will miss him😂*

P.S. sorry I had to do it like this, there’s been an issue with the asks not letting me answer them. Somehow the formatting is getting messed up when it comes through so it won’t let me do anything

I match you with

Fatgum/ Taishiro Toyomitsu

He’s just generally a kind, caring, and supportive person

He has a calming presence, not that it always makes a big difference but it’s the kind of presence that calms you just by proximity

He doesn’t love being in a crowded and loud environments, but sometimes it can’t be helped. However, if one of those times is when you’re around he definitely helps in any way he can. Holding your hand to keep you grounded, doing breathing exercises, making sure you have a comfort object(s), getting to a more calm environment as soon as possible, etc.

He understands having insecurities, but of course he wishes you didn’t have them. He always does his best to help in that regard, in both your looks and your relationship with him

He will give you as much praise and appreciation as it takes for you to feel secure in your relationship with him

He loves when you finally become unhinged around him because he knows it means you’re comfortable enough with him

Really likes your art and writing

Loves! Loves! Loves! When you ramble. He will hang on your every word with the most love sick expression

Being a pro hero takes a toll on the body so he is always down for a nap. Win-Win! Nap dates! You two can cuddle and take a nap together

Similarly, he also loves physical affection so he is always down for whatever you want; cuddling, hand holding, hugging, whatever

He loves kids as well, and he takes his mentorship very seriously. He cares very deeply about the kids he mentors and he will even have them over for dinner once in a while provided you’re ok with it

He also is an animal lover. Doesn’t matter what kind, he loves all animals

Fun fact about me- I love Pitbulls! I have one as well, his name is Jake😊

Hope you enjoy the pictures!