#sorry if it’s not good but I send it to my friend and they were yelling at me in caps lock to do something with it
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WINCHESTER'S PICKUP, INJURIES AND CLUMSY KISSES
~1k words
>you get hurt while hunting with your uncle, John Winchester and his son. Dean can't help but help.
pairing:teen! dean winchester x teen! reader
warnings/notes: basically a really tooth rotting fluff, first love and first kiss trope, vague descriptions of reader's past (like death of their family), few but subtle descriptions of injuries, john winchester mentioned (and i mean he's a real trigger so that's important), gn reader, no usage of y/n
REPOSTS WILL BE APPRECIATED
Minnesota. A werewolf hunt. Ordinary case-- boring, in a way. Just had to catch the bastard and shoot it through the heart with silver.
It seemed normal even to you, even though you weren't even an adult yet. Had to grow up early, huh? God, you hated that phrase. It sounded like you were feeling sorry for yourself. And self-pity is weak, very weak! At least that's what your uncle, the hunter who raised you since your family died in a vampire attack taught you.
And besides, you and your uncle weren't alone on this case, but with "family friends" - the Winchesters. Were they considered family friends if every time John needed help hunting and Dean was busy, your youngest son, Sam, was left at your and your uncle's house? Hell if I know! But at least you got a good memory of that family. And the older son's face, his cocky grin, his brilliant green eyes, his perfect nose and distinct freckles...it was all getting to your throat.
But damn it, it had to be some old, abandoned house. Protruding nails, scattered things, wood that left splinters in fingers - it would be dangerous here, even in daylight, without the risk of having your heart eaten...and when there was that risk, every step was tense.
Especially when the "hunted object" - you tried not to think of them as people, or else it became too hard to hunt - had run right into your path. The rumble of falling things, the pop of missed shots. This werewolf was physically strong and dexterous, so it was hard.
Like when he threw you into the wall and some protruding, crooked, rusty nail pierced your shoulder. It's okay, we've been through worse injuries, you'd think. Until Dean ran up to you, completely ignoring his father's scolding.
"Hey, are you okay? Ooh..." He seemed to swear, but it was quiet, a whisper he didn't want his father to hear. Dean sharply threw your arm, whose shoulder wasn't injured, over his neck and lifted you up, not listening to any of your complaints about not needing help.
"Dad's gonna kill you- sshhiit..." You hissed as he pressed his shirt, previously hanging over his black T-shirt, against your shoulder, treating the wound. The fabric was soaked with whiskey.
Hearing your sounds of pain, Dean lifts his emerald eyes from your wound to your face. His gaze is piteous, concerned, and his thick lashes glisten in the moonlight.
He was too handsome. Objectively, of course.
"Like the first time I'm going to get a punch from him... All right?" He squeezes your healthy shoulder in the palm of his hand, then puts his hand on the collar of your t-shirt, and...stops. "I... Can you slip your arm out of your sleeve?"
All his arrogance evaporated, there wasn't a particle of it in the air. And it was cute.
"You want me to take my clothes off? Pervert," you laugh, but your face immediately frowns as you raise your arm. Dean doesn't waste a second and starts helping you.
And God, the touch of his somehow warm fingers - there was a cool breeze outside, by the way - send shivers down your spine, making you dizzy. But you don't think about it. At least you're trying.
A low whimper escaped your lips as he tightened a piece of cloth, torn from your shirt and soaked in alcohol, on your wound. Maybe it wasn't unusual, but it still hurt.
"You're gonna stay here, you hear me? There's no way in hell you're going to go fight that big guy again right now. I won't let you," Dean said, glancing outside his dad's pickup window. His dad and your uncle were still in the house with a werewolf, apparently. You two could have been alone...for a little while. But of course that didn't excite you at all. You and Dean were just friends, right? Hunting bros. Nothing more.
And the fact that your gaze fell to his lips, then to his cheeks, covered with freckles, sharp cheekbones, ash-black long lashes, brilliant green eyes.... It meant nothing. At all.
"Whatever you say, sir," you quipped, rubbing the wound under the piece of cloth with your hand. Dean just gently pulled your hand away, "Don't make it worse for yourself, buddy." And oh, his tone is so gravelly. You're absolutely done.
But he won't let go of your hand. And you don't want to pull away.
His green eyes came up to your face, and he suddenly just froze, as if he couldn't look away. Dean stared at you as if you were the most brilliant and expensive gem, as if you were a living angel he hadn't believed in for a long time.... Like something unearthly. It would be foolish not to admit that you looked at him the same way.
Dean squeezed your hand lightly, and slowly - yes, very unusual for Dean Winchester to do something slowly - moved closer, but in a friendly way for now. In the same second, however, he remembered who he was, and his hand went up to your neck - still tentatively, of course... "Listen, buddy-..."
"Dean, please..."
And that did it. Dean's one word was enough for him to press his lips lightly against yours. He wasn't pushy, he wasn't rough, he didn't even let himself try to deepen the kiss. His lips only phantomly touched yours, guiding you, somehow even mentoring you, gently (still unusual for Dean Winchester himself!). His lips were matte, a little dry, but damn it, you liked it better than the sweetest meals of your life.
He pulls back, takes a deep breath and leans into you again. You're so cooked.
Dean can't help but marvel at your ineptitude at kissing- God, he could have sworn it made it the best kiss of his life. His lips move hotter, feistier, more needy, but still tentative, dipping down a little to leave a few quick nibbles on your chin and on your jaw--
Until you start hearing John and your uncle's voices outside. Oh, God, not now!
"Sorry, baby, sorry-" the nickname slides off his tongue so tenderly, lovingly, as he quickly pulls moves away from you.
Because after today, the chance of Winchester allowing you to see Dean earlier than after few months was close to zero.
a/n: i needed to think about little dean that haven't experienced hell already (on s4 currently yaaay). young jensen on header only because i can't think of teen dean looking as original cast actor for this role. and because i love young jensen. like really much. think im starting to get a lil' bit too much obsessed with dean
#supernatural#spn#supernatural x reader#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester#dean x reader#supernatural fluff#writers on tumblr
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well done <33 can i please ask for 68 and hee?
"i'm sorry...what?" heeseung leans forward, eyebrows knit tightly together in confusion.
"you heard me."
"no! i don't think i did!" scoffing with a nervous chuckle, heeseung stands up from the chair in your room and places both hands on top of his head, pacing back and forth.
"please heeseung i hate being so inexperienced. no one has let me do it before so please just let me do it once. i swear it won't change anything with our friendship."
heeseung can't believe what you're saying, genuinely cannot believe what the hell you are talking to him about. he's been your friend since middle school and now that you're in your second year of college the friendship seems pretty set in stone for life.
"say it again," he mumbles, now turning to face you.
"let me ride you."
"fuck...alright. but you're stupid if you think this won't change anything so i hope you're sure about this." truth is, heeseung has been trying to get over the fact that he's been in love with you since the first day you two met. only recently did he finally feel like he was making progress and even contemplated the idea of seriously pursuing this one person who was dropping major hints they are into him (it's the barista at his college campus. they leave their number on heeseung's cup every single day with cute messages and doodles).
but you just had to ask him this, something he would never be able to refuse.
minutes pass in a blur and suddenly both of your clothes are off and heeseung is laying on his back, on hand behind his head as he tries to get a good look at you without completely ogling.
you get on the bed and straddle his hips, careful not to lower yourself on his hardened cock. you wish you had a few more moments to just stare at it, completely thrown off with the length and girth your best friend has been packing this whole time. the thought of that going inside you is exhilarating and terrifying.
once you look into your best friends eyes though and see all the feelings he's tried to hide all these years, you don't hesitate and take the plunge. the way he stretches your walls has you gasping outloud, having to rock your hips back and forth slightly to try and help the stretch.
"ah...oh yeah, y/n, fuck you're so tight." heeseung's hands are on your waist but his eyes are on your chest. with a quick eyeroll you grab his hands and place them where his eyes were.
"you don't know how many times i've dreamed of this happening," he whispers.
with a laugh you reply with a simple, "me too," your stomach fluttering when you see the shocked look on his face. heeseung opens his mouth to say something, but you're fully sheathed on him now and immediately put your hand on his chest to stable you as you grind your hips against his crotch. all that comes out of heeseung's mouth for the next few moments is a slough of swear words, praises, and "i can't believe we've never done this before"'s. and once he's coming undone underneath you all he can ask is if you can do that again exactly how you did it before, because fuck that felt so good and he needs it tattooed into his memory.
for part of my 1k follower celebration send me a member and a number from this list and i'll write a short drabble about it ♡ masterlist
#tysmmmm#jayparked 1k drabble event#heeseung smut#heeseung hard hours#heeseung hard thoughts#heeseung x reader#heeseung x you#heeseung x y/n#enhypen smut#enhypen hard thoughts#enhypen hard hours#enhypen x reader#enhypen x you#enhypen x y/n
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WIP PREVIEW
pairing: joost klein x f! reader, joost klein x f! OC
word count: 3,572
synopsis: Joost Klein accidentally meets the love of his life through a tik tok. Valentine. She’s his complete opposite; quiet, reserved, and a bit cold, whereas Joost is bright, bubbly, and extremely outgoing, almost obnoxiously so. But opposites attract and the art of balance is delicate. Getting to know each other without interference proves difficult at first, but the minute Joost and Valentine realize their pining is mutual it’s full speed ahead for the two of them. Like puzzle pieces, they become inseparable, fitted together like it’s always meant to be. Everyone around them is convinced no two people in the world love each other as much as Joost and Valentine do. But Joost’s growing fame sends him down an unexpected spiral, one Valentine is desperate to pull him out of. It changes everything. The two who were once attached at the hip learn to no longer even speak each others names, desperately still in love, but the damage is unbearable. If only the puzzle pieces can come together again to realize just how perfect they are for each other.
authors note: tagging this as both x reader and x OC because this is written in 3rd person POV, i find writing 2nd person difficult for me because i just tend to write “reader” as self-insert, and i know i am a VERY specific type of person 😅 soooooo lowkey self-ship??? but i think it’s best to just make reader an OC and you can simply swap out her name, pronouns, and traits for your own when it’s necessary. and so i would say Valentine [who i named after my own last name, this is just the name i use for ALL my protagonists in my writing actually😅], she’s implied to be autistic/neurodivergent and generally just socially awkward, quiet, introverted. again, self-insert. she is also goth. i always write protagonists with really heavy, angsty, traumatic backstories so i think that’s also why i turn readers into OC’s because i don’t want to force a traumatic past upon you as reader 😭 there is also “April”, who is a second OC i made for this series, she is Valentines best friend who owns her own alternative clothing company and is very important to the story along the way:))
content: RPF, awkwardness, slow burn, pining, yearning, hint of angst, mention alcohol consumption, masturbation, kissing, fantasizing
!!18+ & RPF, DO NOT REPOST OR INTERACT IF RPF MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!!
how it started:
At 12pm on the dot, two people walk in, Valentine greets them smiling, “Hallo! Hoe gaat het?” [Hello! How are you?] Her Dutch is limited but she tries her best.
“Hallo, is April hier?” [Hello, is April here?] The girl with dark curly hair asks as she approaches, she’s followed by what Valentine assumes to be her boyfriend.
“Nee, maar kan ik jullie helpen?” [No, but can I help you?] Val offers them a gentle smile, unsure if her Dutch is even grammatically correct or not.
“Oh-“ The girls eyebrows shoot up, “You’re Valentine, right?” She suddenly switches to English, Valentine is simultaneously embarrassed but also thankful for the switch.
A blush rises on her cheeks as she nods, “Yeah that’s me, sorry about my Dutch.” She waves her hand apologetically.
“I’m Alanis, and this is Apson.” Alanis smiles and holds her hand out and so does Apson. Val shakes their hands, “Nice to meet you guys, you wanted to film in the store right?”
“Ja, just a little skit about being emo. I wanna seem like a guy who is a total poser and then run out of the store crying when I get called out.” Apson said, maybe blushing a little from having to explain his stupid bit.
It made Valentine chuckle though, “Do whatever you gotta do, man! April told me you have permission from her already so you’re good to do your thing.”
“Thanks,” Apson and Alanis said in unison, which made them giggle at each other.
“Can I borrow some clothes?” Apson said looking around.
“Sure,” Val nodded, “Let me open the changing room for you.” She grabbed the keys and unlocked the changing room at the back of the store as Appie and Alanis brainstormed what the character should be wearing. They ended up picking out a stereotypical e-boy outfit, a black and white striped long-sleeve shirt, a Metallica t-shirt to go on top, some fingerless skeleton gloves, baggy Tripp pants, and a studded belt.
Appie went into the changing room a few minutes later to get ready, leaving Valentine and Alanis outside together.
“How long have you worked here? It feels weird we haven’t seen you around yet, we’re in here all the time it feels like.” Alanis asked, tilting her head slightly to examine Valentine.
“Not long, only a month now. I think we must’ve just narrowly avoided each other this whole time.” Valentine chuckles and Alanis nods in agreement.
“How long have you known April then?” Valentine asks Alanis.
“I got one piece of jewelry here like a year ago,” Alanis shows Val her gemstone necklace, “And now I get all my jewelry from here, look!” Alanis smiles, showing a few silver rings on her fingers and a beaded bracelet.
“Oh, is that moonstone?” Valentine asks excitedly.
“Yeah! Isn’t it so pretty?” Alanis moves the beads around so they flash their colors brightly in Valentines eyes.
“I love it, and it goes perfectly with your outfit!” She said and Alanis thanks her, “My favorite gemstone is—“
“Done!” Apson calls out suddenly, making both of the girls turn, he looks a bit ridiculous, but that’s the point. The pants are definitely a size too big and the belt definitely isn’t helping because they are practically hanging off of his body.
“Let me put some eyeshadow on you.” Alanis mumbles as she approaches Appie, she looks through her bag until she finds the small compact, taking it out to apply the black shadow loosely around Apson’s eyes. He ends up just looking more tired than emo, but again, it must be what works for the skit.
Val just watches from afar with an amused smile on her face, she likes them, Appie and Alanis, they seem like good people. There’s some footsteps behind her and she turns to see a few customers coming in, “Goedendag!” [Good day!] She greets them, they say it back before looking around at some of the shelves at the front of the store. Valentine returns to her earlier work, stitching by hand some stars onto the corner of a skirt.
“Okay, like this—“ Appie talks Alanis through the scene first, he’s speaking Dutch again so Val can’t pick up most of what he’s saying, he’s just gesturing for how and where Alanis should hold the camera when they go to film. He’s quietly rehearsing the lines with her when he perks up a bit, “Wait…Valentine?”
Val looks over at Appie, “Do you mind saying a line for the tik tok? Just the one about me being a poser?”
She grows a bit nervous, “Oh uhhh…I’m probably not very good at acting… I don’t really post on tik tok like that…” She rubs the back of her neck and looks between Apson and Alanis awkwardly.
“Don’t worry, you just gotta go like ‘ew, fucking poser’ and that’s it!” Apson gives the line a little scoff and a little attitude to it. He grins at her, clearly enthused with his new idea.
“Okay…” Val agrees weakly, coming around the counter to stand by Alanis’ side.
“Okay so like this,” Apson says, rerunning through his lines once more while Alanis practices getting the best angles for the tik tok, “And then camera turns, and you say…?”
Alanis turns the camera on Valentine, who scoffs while looking at Appie, “Such a fucking poser…” She says with all the vitriol she can muster.
“Perfect!” Appie shoots her two thumbs up as Alanis turns the camera back on him, “Then, I’ll begin to cry like this, wahhhh!” Appie cries exaggeratedly, then turns and takes a few steps towards the door. “Then I’ll run outside and that’s it, got it?”
“Got it.” Val and Alanis both say.
The three of them get into position, Appie with his back to the door, standing amongst all the clothes, Alanis starting the recording on her phone, and Valentine just off to side, waiting to deliver her line.
“Aaaaaand action!” Apson claps loudly. Alanis zooms in quickly to Appies face, he’s slouching, neck bent at an awkward angle to seem more depressed, the face he’s making makes him look dead inside, it’s exaggerated by the deep black makeup Alanis brushed around his eyes.
“Ik ben zooooo emo….” [I am soooo emo] Apson delivered the line as flatly as he could, adding a bit of a vocal fry to the ‘zoooo’. Alanis snaps the camera back to show his full outfit before zooming in on his face again for the next line, “Ik ben zoooooo depressief…” [I am sooo depressed]
Valentine held back her laughter, perhaps it wasn’t exactly her type of humor, but it was fun to watch!
Apson gave a big eyeroll to the camera, then looked into it, “Niemand zal mij ooit begrijpen…” [No one will ever understand me]
He suddenly grunts loudly, his expression growing more angry, “Ik zit de hele dag op mijn kamer naar muziek te luisteren, niemand begrijpt het!” [I sit in my room and listen to music all day, no one understands!] He yells.
The camera whips around to Valentine, she puts a disgusted look on her face and scoffs like she did the first time, “Such a fucking poser.” She shakes her head lightly.
Alanis whips the camera back around to Apson, he looks like he’s about to scream, “NEEEE!” He bursts into faux tears, and suddenly he turns to run out of the store. Alanis follows, and they pass the customers Valentine had completely forgotten were even in here! They seem completely and utterly confused and Val feels a little bad for them.
As Appie and Alanis cross the threshold onto the street, still filming, Appie still making wailing noises, he trips on his baggy pants and falls. Valentine gasps, Alanis keeps filming, and someone nearly hits Apson on the ground with their bike.
“Ik ben geen poser!” [I am not a poser!] Apson yells his final line, sobbing crying, clutching his elbow, and Alanis stops recording. She helps him up, they’re laughing as they walk back inside but it seems Appie actually got hurt.
“Oh my god, are you okay?” Valentine comes up to them, slightly stunned but also laughing.
“I’m okay,” Appie nods, then turns to the people at the front of the store who are just frozen in shock, “I’m okay!” He waves at them, and they slowly return to what they were looking at in abject horror.
“You’re bleeding a little,” Val frowns when she sees Apsons elbow, “Here, I’ve got a bandaid in my purse.” She moves over to the counter again, opening her bag and pulling out a bandaid for him.
Alanis takes it from her and opens it, “Thanks Valentine.” Appie says warmly.
“You’re welcome.” She smiles.
“I think I should pay for the shirt,” He says while wincing as Alanis applies the bandage to his broken skin, “Pretty sure I got blood on it.”
“Probably a good idea,” Valentine agrees, “April said you could film in the store, not bleed all over her products.”
“Want anything while we’re here, babe?” Apson asks Alanis, who brightens up immediately at the idea of getting herself a little something. “I’ll go get changed while you pick something out.” He says and walks into the changing room to get back into his clothes.
“Can I see your rings, please?” Alanis asks Valentine brightly.
“Of course!” She unlocks the jewelry case behind the counter and pulls out the rack of rings for Alanis to inspect. She picks up one and tries it on, examining her hand afterwards.
“So when will that video get posted?” Val asks.
“I think Appie will post it on Friday.” She studies the ring on her finger before putting it back and picking up another one. “We should be mutuals!”
“I’d like that,” Valentine grins at Alanis and pulls out her phone, opening tik tok and handing her phone to her. Alanis lets her follow both her and Apsons accounts, Val asks to be mutuals on instagram too.
“There!” Alanis says while handing Val’s phone back to her, “You can message me whenever you want to.”
how it’s going:
The sun shines bright outside of Joosts window, he stirs back and forth for a few minutes before finally opening his eyes. The first thing he sees is his Stitch plushie sitting on the other side of the bed, staring at him. He reaches out and grabs it, bringing it to his chest and squeezes it in a bear hug.
“Goedenmorgen.” Joost grumbles while stretching, his head hurts slightly from a long night of drinking but mostly from the way the sun won’t leave his face.
He rolls over onto his back, picking up Stitch again, he stares at the plush toy for a while with his tired eyes, wondering if he’s weird for talking to it or cuddling with it every night. Wondering if that even matters at all. Wondering if it secretly means something about how lonely he is.
But Joost would do anything not to think about that subject, so he tosses Stitch aside and grabs his phone from the nightstand. It’s already passed 2pm and he’s missed at least 15 text messages between his friends.
Stuntje: “You coming out tonight again?” Stuntje: “Bro? U good?”
Tantu: “Beat coming along nicely👍” *1 image attatched*
Apson: “Made a banger post on tik tok! 😂” Apson: “Please leave me a like boys, I bled for this one! 💀” -tap to see more notifications-
Joost sighs through his nose, opening the tik tok app, his therapist has been trying to get him to stay off tik tok first thing in morning but he can’t help it, especially not when his best friend just posted. It’s also not technically morning anymore.
He watches the funny dog video that pops up on his FYP first, liking it and scrolling to the next video. It’s some level 99 brain-rot meme about skibbity rizz in Ohio, he chuckles and leaves a like before scrolling. The next video is an ad and he instantly scrolls. Apsons video finally pops up:
@ apsonarmy posted 1hr. tagged: @ v4lent1ne @ aprilsclosetNL
emos be like 😂💔💀🤘 #emo #poser 10k likes
202 comments
1k shares
There’s big text on the top of the screen that says “EMOS BE LIKE 🧛”, and there’s Apson, fully looking like an e-boy, pretending to be moody and mysterious.
“Ik ben zooooo emo….”
Joost smiles, immediately liking the post. He watches his friend act on screen as the video plays, chuckling as his friends line delivery keeps getting more and more over-the-top with each sentence. And then the camera pans and he sees this girl on screen, she’s wearing tight, leather, flared pants, a grommet belt with a silver star belt buckle, a cute little cropped graphic tee that shows off her midriff, and some silver chains hanging around her neck.
“Such a fucking poser.” She sneers, her voice ablaze with attitude.
Joosts eyebrows shoot up, she has the most beautifully sharp eyes he’s ever seen, and this head full of thick, fiery hair, glossy lips, and gorgeous makeup. She was undeniable, whoever she was. The type of beauty that would end up in every magazines “Top 100 Most Beautiful Women Of All Time” list—No, Top 50, maybe even Top 10. And yet as soon as she was on screen, she was off. The camera points back at Apson’s dramatic reaction. Joost watches as the chaos unfolds when Apson begins running, trips, falls, nearly gets hit by a bike, screams “no” while lying on the streets of Amsterdam, and clutches his bleeding arm.
The video loops…and Joost watches it again. And again. And again. He’s actually not sure how many times he lets it play before the low battery notification snaps him out of his daze. He quickly taps it away, using his thumb to scroll back to the part where the girl calls Appie a poser. He pauses the video when her face is fully in frame and clears the tik tok display. She was breathtaking—literally, Joost was unintentionally holding his breath. He sat there enamored for a while, then brought the display back, checking the “tagged” portion of the caption to see her there, @ v4lent1ne.
Joost clicks on her profile so fast, just to be severely let down when he sees she only has one video available on her profile. He reads her bio;
“Valentine, 27, Designer, Amsterdam.”
221 32 101 Following Followers Likes
Followed by a link to the April’s Closet website. She hadn’t bothered to link her instagram to her tik tok. He clicks on the video, it’s just a cute little tik tok of her lip syncing to Korn in a nice outfit and beautiful trad-goth makeup, the date says it’s almost a year old. She doesn’t seem to have as much of that spark within her as she did in Appies video, maybe it’s because she was just acting for that, but she looked thinner in this old tik tok, maybe more tired somehow. He scrolled away once it looped.
“Valentine…” Joost sighed out loud, letting the name roll off his tongue while admiring her in her tiny profile picture. He went back to Appie’s video and opened up the comments, typing out “I agree, bros not emo, bros a POSER 🤣😂👍🔥” He immediately liked his own comment upon sending it.
Joost realized it was suddenly stiflingly hot under his blanket and that damn sun was still shining brightly on his face. He tossed the blanket off of him, letting the cool air of his room hit his skin, he looked down and saw he was half hard. “Shit…” Joost groaned.
He hopped out of bed and headed into the bathroom, he caught his own gaze in the mirror, messy bedhead, stubble growing in, dirty blonde roots showing through his bleached hair. A mess. But nothing a good shave and shower couldn’t fix.
Joost turned the faucet on in the shower, letting the water run for a minute while stepping out of yesterday’s boxers. His cock sprung free, hanging somewhere between half limp and nearly hard. His pink tip was blushing at him, begging him to give it a little attention. It’s been a week since he last jerked off anyway, might as well take care of it, Joost thought as stepped under the warm water.
He let the water run down his body, rinsing away yesterday’s sweat from the bar, yesterday’s arguments with festival bookings, yesterday’s dull thoughts that kept him numb and unhappy. All that mattered right now was his pretty dick perking up under the warmth of the water and what he was going to do with it.
Joost ran his fingers through his pubic hair, scratching lighting at the forest of hair there, slowly moving down to squeeze it at the base. He had no intentions of teasing himself today, but he couldn’t think of anything worth fantasizing about just yet. Perhaps a familiar pair of lips came to mind but he quickly stubbed out that thought. Too fresh. It was one video. He shouldn’t.
But as Joost slowly pumped his fist around his length, his mind kept wandering back to those same features, he couldn’t help but picture her—Valentine, apparently—gazing at him, watching him jerk off. Her eyes squinted at him, watching him jerk his cock faster now at the thought of her, she’d sneer at him the same way she did in Appie’s video.
“What a loser…jerking off to some random girl you just found on the internet? Pathetic.” He pictured her saying.
Joost wondered what her skin would feel like, what her skin would smell like—he stopped touching himself and pumped some body wash into his hand and lathered it on his cock, careful not to get any inside. The smell was obviously familiar to him, masculine and clean and filled the steam around him with its scent. It would do for now. He could picture Valentine smelling like this as he closed his eyes. He pictured himself standing in front of her, nude, while she was in that same outfit from Appie’s tik tok. He approached her, towering over her, though he couldn’t possibly know how tall she is, he looked down at her and her eyes flicked to his lips.
It’s barely even a lewd fantasy but Joost is stroking himself so fucking fast to it, the soap forming slippery suds under his hand with every long pump he takes. He wants to lean in and kiss her neck, right against her pulse, fuck—he can feel his own pulse in his cock right now. Valentine’s would match his. He cups her jaw and sticks his thumb in her mouth, she gladly suckles on it, it makes him moan out loud, “Fuuuck-“
Valentine sinks, slowly, so slowly, to her knees and looks into Joosts eyes. Joost is massaging the head of his dick now, he’s so close to cumming, just needs a little more. In his mind she takes him into her soft hand, enjoying the weight and warmth of him in her palm. And finally, she leans in to capture his tip between her gorgeous lips. Those fucking lips. With that, Joost is moaning and stroking himself so fast he is coming undone. His white ropes hit the bottom of the shower and get slowly washed away into the drain. He fucks into his fist, mind erratically imagining Valentine in a number of situations as Joost cums. Rapid flashing of doggy style, cowgirl, her tits covered in his cum, she’s just as breathless and red in the face as he is!
He uses his other hand to prop himself up against the wall, panting as the last beads of cum roll down his reddened tip. Breathlessly, Joost returns to reality, he drops his cock from his hand and lets the water beat against body. He’s less tense that’s for sure, but there’s a weird sense of guilt about it, Joost promises himself to never fantasize about her again. And he doesn’t. At least not while jerking off.
The first few days after Appie posted the tik tok, Joost would sometimes go back and watch it, but after a week, he became too busy. He forced Valentine out of his head. The weird, unfinished picture of her he created would still materialize from time to time, but she altogether slipped from his mind as the weeks and even months had gone by.
how its going to go:
“Fuck,” Joost pants looking down at V, her lips are swollen and wet with their combined spit as Joost had all but swallowed her whole, the flavor of her grape lip gloss coating his tongue. Joost’s cock twitches in his boxers, “You know, the first time I saw you in Appie’s video you gave me a boner?”
Val lets out a strained laugh from her breathlessness, “Really?” Her fingers reach up to trace his mustache, the pads of her fingers barely grazing the skin of his lips. It feels like the touch of an angel.
“Ja.” Joost nods, still staring, kissing at her fingertips.
A low, erotic hum emanates from her chest, “I guess it was meant to be then.”
Something flashes in Joosts eyes when she says that, something so deep, it was like watching his brain chemistry change in real time. “You were made for me…” He whispers before dipping his head into the crook of V’s neck and teething a hard bite into her soft skin.
[more coming soon ◝(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜] -ego⋆♱✮
#preview for chapter one#but plot reveal !!!#content warnings subject to change#joost klein x reader#joost x reader#joost x you#joost klein rpf#joost klein x you#fanfic#my wiritng#wip#wip wednesday#dividers by dollywons
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It’s a perfect morning for a hike.
The chill dusts Yaku’s nose as a soft winter kiss, his hot breathing tearing up his throat as he pushed onwards.
His thighs strain with pleasant effort, the slope harsh and unforgiving under his well broken-in boots, a stone breaking free of the thin, frozen layer of snow to bounce down behind him. They're all familiar sensations, worn into his skin almost as deeply as the court.
With one difference.
A gasp heaves behind Yaku. He turns back to his companion, who is bent over, hands on his knees.
“Wow, you really have left yourself go, huh?”
“Shut —“ here one of Kuroo’s hands lifts weakly, flagging his words. “— the fuck —“
“I’m waiting.”
“Up.”
The last line is delivered with a laboured expulsion of breath. Kuroo’s hand drops back to his knee, his gulping of air audible to even where Yaku is standing. He grins.
Kuroo had always been a single step faster than him in high school, and even in the early years of university he could hold his own; it’s nice to get the upper hand for once.
Yet something needles at Yaku; a slight twinge in his knee. A reminder that he, too, is getting older.
“I’m sorry,” Kuroo continues, straightening up. “That I can’t keep up with an Olympian while having an actual career.”
An actual career, huh?
Kuroo probably hadn’t meant it like that, but Yaku becomes aware of a pit in his gut, one that had been growing since he hit thirty. It seemed to swallow good moments with the overwhelming knowledge of time, and Yaku hadn’t adjusted to it yet.
“Your career is literally making my career a viable thing.”
“Semantics.”
"I don't think you know what that word means."
"I don't think you know either."
Yaku flips up his middle finger at him, and Kuroo cracks a grin, trudging up alongside Yaku.
“I’m good to go for a while longer.”
“I can carry you, if you’d like.”
The answering glare that Kuroo gives him makes Yaku grin again, the movement of his cheeks feeling welcome, as if dislodging a layer of frost.
The camera shutter noise rings out alone in the deserted, slumbering mountains.
“Shame Kai couldn’t see this,” Yaku mentions as he sends the photo to him.
“Yeah, I’m sure he’s devastated,” Kuroo says. “Being flown in to Australia to consult on Japanese flora there instead of waking up at an obscene hour for a hike must be so awful for him.”
“His girlfriend got a ticket too, didn’t she?”
“Yeah.” Kuroo sighs, resting his hands on his hips. “Well, fiancé now. He had a plus one, and I can't believe that he brought his fiancé instead of say, one of his best friends of…”
He scrunches his brows, hesitating. Yaku wants to laugh.
“Don’t strain your—“
“Eighteen years!”
“There you go,” Yaku says encouragingly, and Kuroo shoots him a death glare.
“Don’t pretend that you were any better at me at math.”
Sticking out his tongue, Yaku winks at him. "At least I'm not the one who called Akaashi at two in the morning, crying over his project finance homework."
"He told you that?! And I wasn't crying, just on the verge of tears -"
"Like that's any better."
It works, as it always had. Kuroo doesn't notice Yaku speeding up, doesn't notice how they move faster when sunk into arguing. Maybe he does, and chooses to say nothing.
The sunrise is a haze of orange and pink, and Yaku thinks that it looks beautiful. It shines against the snow-patched hillsides, throwing up brilliant glares as it spreads across the mountains, claiming them for the morning. Here and there, a grey cluster of rocks emerge from the snow, as if waking up.
He glances across at Kuroo. Kuroo, who had agreed to take a day off of the work he loved so dearly to join Yaku at ass o’clock in the morning to clamber up a mountain to catch a sunrise.
He’d sounded tired on the phone when Yaku had called, just at the end of his workday, just long enough for Kuroo to run into his boss’ office and tell him that he needed the day tomorrow — yes, he apologised for the short notice, yes, he had everything in order — and then returning to Yaku to curse him out for forcing him to do that.
Yaku had asked why he wasn’t the boss yet, how come his career was flatlining, and Kuroo’s swearing at him had increased at a rate Yaku hadn’t thought possible before.
Yet he’s here.
“I missed this,” Yaku says.
“Yeah,” Kuroo agrees. His tone is a little wistful, softened by the sight in front of them. “I can’t remember the last time I went hiking.”
He's here, with his hands set on his hips, his chest driving out with each hard breath. There's unmistakable satisfaction in the curl of his lips.
“Better than lazing about on the beach, huh?” Yaku comments, moving closer to elbow Kuroo in the side. “Glad to hear you’ve seen the light.”
“Hey, that was not me saying that mountains are better.”
“Not yet.”
Yaku grins up at him, and he sees the edges of Kuroo’s lips curve upwards in response, despite trying to cling onto the mask of annoyance. His gaze wanders upwards, over Kuroo’s rough cheeks, a day’s worth of black stubble sprouting up, to the almost invisible scar on his cheekbone left from one of Fukunaga’s “inventions,” to rest on the grey bags beneath his eyes.
Cradled in the delicate glow of the sunrise, Tetsurou feels familiar and strange, all at once.
The pit stretches its muscles inside Yaku’s gut again, the pit that consumes his friends’ lives and leaves men in their places that Yaku only half-knows. His absence had been a choice.
He doesn’t regret it, but he acknowledges the painful consequences.
Swallowing, he turns back to the sunrise, and thinks he feels a wave of warmth from it. Kuroo is still a bachelor. Yaku has waited over a decade, expecting him to be one of those consequences, one that he paid the moment he chose to pursue volleyball professionally. He wets his dry, cracked lips, and glances up at Kuroo again.
Kuroo’s face is awash with an orange tint, and there are folds Yaku doesn’t recognise, smile lines faded into his skin, his bone structure just a fraction more prominent than before. Yaku wants to relearn all of it — maybe even better than before. His eyes are creased up in the way they always did when he was considering something; his tongue working within his mouth.
“I’d have brought you here sooner if I knew this is what made you speechless,” he says, and Kuroo’s removed, thoughtful expression vanishes. It's replaced by a flicker of a fondness, a momentary splinter before his usual laid-back expression settles in.
Instead of a snarky retort, Kuroo only leans his forearm on Yaku’s shoulder. He's heavy. Yaku can feel his body heat, revved up from the walk, radiating against his side.
“You’d get bored without my quick wit,” Kuroo proclaims. “We can't ever go to a mountain peak at sunrise again. Only beaches from now on, I think.”
He flashes a smile down at Yaku, and Yaku, after climbing up a tough trail for two hours, now, only now, feels woozy. He wasn’t a stranger to how Kuroo makes him feel. He’d been ignoring it for years.
Consequences.
Yaku looks down at Kuroo’s hand, jutting past his shoulder, dangling in the air. He’d stripped off his gloves at some point during their hike, and the tips of his fingers are tinged with a dusty pink, just visible through the brown. They’re lined. Yaku thinks of Kuroo telling him how his last relationship didn’t work out, that they wanted different things.
For the first time in a long time, Yaku stares at a Japanese sunrise and thinks of coming home.
Bending his elbow, he reaches up and takes Kuroo’s warm hand in his, interlacing their fingers. Beside him, Kuroo shifts his weight; taking more off of Yaku.
One last time, Yaku upturns his face to meet Kuroo’s gaze. His whole body is buzzing with the risk he’d just taken, but Kuroo’s steady eye contact grounds him; reminds him that they’d be alright, no matter what.
He inhales the crisp air, tasting a new day.
Waits.
“You’re serious?”
Kuroo’s voice is low, stripped of all and any teasing edge.
Yaku nods.
“I’m serious.”
#today was a beautiful winter’s day and I wanted to go hiking#and then I thought of yaku enjoying the mountains…#kuroyaku#yaku morisuke#kuroo Tetsuro#tiny little fic scene that i just needed out of my head#baked into the context of: yaku realised that kuroo needs to stay in japan and he loves him he wants what's best for him.#writes Them off as a consequence of him leaving but can't ever quite detach#if there are any mistakes sorry uh. i wrote this in a day#spikes writes
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ᡣ𐭩 Emails I Can't Send Prompts ᡣ𐭩
from the album Emails I Can't Send, by Sabrina Carpenter
"And I still make excuses for you constantly."
"Sorry that I pulled the 'it's not you, it's me.'"
"You're not my friend, and baby, you never were."
"It's times like these I wish I had a time machine."
"Whatever, you're a waste of time."
"I can't myself when you get close to me."
“Oh, so you do have a type."
"Where else can we go?"
"I hate the way you left me dry."
"Give me a second to forget I ever really meant it."
"Don't say sorry now."
"One day, I'll make sure you get a real apology."
"I tried to look for the best in the worst."
"Oh, so you can reply."
"I'm so tired."
"You want me? I'm done."
"I wonder how many things you think about before you get to me."
"You're lucky I'm a private person."
"I'm over that son of a bitch."
"Don't make me cuss you out."
"You're so vicious."
"Nobody gets my jokes, everyone here thinks I'm fucking rude."
"Why were you somewhere else when you were next to me?"
"I can't help it, it's a habit."
"You act like a bitch."
"I never saw him and we never kissed."
"There's nothing left here to decode."
"Were you lying to me and the family?"
"If you wanted brown eyes, I could have got contacts."
"You don't feel remorse."
"That never made too much sense to me."
"I can't read your mind."
"Why'd you let me down?"
"You knew I would see that."
"Looking at you got me thinking nonsense."
"Bet you wanna love me now."
"How do you do this to me?"
"Tell me what's gonna happen."
"You knew I would notice."
"I'll drive you home."
"I don't even know, I'm talking nonsense."
"I want you there sometimes."
"She looks nothing like me."
"Your signals are mixed."
"Everything reminds me of you."
"I know you know it keeps me up."
"You drive me crazy."
"Chase me."
"Did you even give a fuck?"
"You disgust me."
"Now I'm a homewrecker. I'm a slut."
"Tell me I was more than just a decent opportunity."
"Why do you look so happy?"
"I'm so sorry for your loss."
"Thanks to you, I can't love right."
"I know now even if I tried to change that somehow, you'd end up with her anyway."
"You fit every stereotype."
"Does she step out of the spotlight so you bathe in it?"
"Now I can't even look at you."
"You said I'm too late to be your first love, but I'll always be your favorite."
"I know what you're about to say."
"Does she get up on top of you more than I would?"
"He had it coming."
"I deserve my own consideration."
"I look up from my phone and think there's no chance it's you, but it is."
"He's good for my heart, but he's bad for business."
"I've got death threats filling up semi trucks."
"How am I supposed to close the door when I still need the closure?"
"All my friends think I've gone crazy."
"I care, but I don't."
"Please fucking fix this."
"Tell me that you miss me in your life."
"It feels so good not caring where you are tonight."
"You were all I looked up to."
"Was I being lied to?"
"I got ways to find you anywhere."
"You miss me? No duh."
"Maybe we should do this on purpose sometime."
"It was all so innocent."
"What the fuck is patience?"
"I can't even stomach loving someone else."
"God, I love you, but you're such a dipshit."
"You're good at impersonating someone who cares."
"I bet your house is where my other sock is."
#feel free to change the pronouns!#sabrina carpenter#emails i can't send#song prompts#lyric prompts#love prompts#breakup prompts#angst prompts
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Literally no other way I could describe it right now.
#there are some serious feelings attached to all thats happening#im saddened. im mad. at the end of the day this is how i cope so im sorry if you dont feel like humor is your way out#im disappointed and digusted#personally#neil gaiman#is innocent until proven guilty and my heart goes out to the victims of this whole situation.#i know. i KNOW the right is gonna make it about trans rights and the left is gonna make this about zionism and how these results are#unsurprising due to him being 'either' of these (which im not going into)#because its NOT about those. its the disgusting behaviors he did w those women. consent or not he actively sought out rlly young women.#i hold out a tiny bit of hope but if all things go to shit I dont rlly have anything to fall back on in terms of fandom.#good omens got me through shit. it got me through hell and some my worst times ever.#ive made irreplaceable IRL friends#idk#just some feelings im putting out here. im still gonna 100% support all GO creators (unless they outright excuse NG's actions esp when hes#not yet proven innocent)#but yeah#i havent spoken about this in my other accs and I think this is the only coherent thought I can manage from all of that.#again. really upset. but we got this. were all in this together yk? theres no one side or another to SA but to support the victims.#thats all im rlly gonna say. just remember that Im sending uou guys lots of love. lets get through this <3#[EDIT: I MEANT TO SAY NEIL IS GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT FOR ME !!!!]
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the complete eri guidebook (2023) full version under the cut ♡ pdf ver. happy birthday @xiaojuun !! <3
credits. with the help of: meg (@hozierbyrne) // brina (@aquablues) // aléks (@possession1981) // vianey (@souladies) // lili (@ninqz) // aweks (@awek-s) // miha (@jaebeomtual) // rachel (@gnanii) // mare (@dongkwan) // ro (@sunghanbin) // rosie (@kimjiwoong) // lulu (@fushigojos) // sofi (@yukuz) graphics: gift boxes // broccoli // orange fruit watercolor // lip print textures // notion-style scribbles // healthcare vector icons // human anatomy icons // film cutouts pack // 3d travel icons // drinks vector icon set // coffee outline illustration pack // baby vector icon pack
#*mine#oorieri#genuinely thank you SO MUCH for participating @ everyone who did . and if i didn't contact u ... im so sorry i probably didnt fully realize#that u were friends with eri um . sowwie#thank you for finding the time to think about this and . for those who did . for sending in your answers i lob u this is only possible beca#because so many people agreed to help...#a note to meg!! specifically!! because you did so much (from being my first interviewee and my lab rat to responding to the few questions i#had . to suggesting people to include and offering your help with contacting some people (although it did not work out in the end as i said#i really appreciated the thought!!)#note for meg (2): i ended up not being able to use indesign at all... it was too big for my poor little tablet skjsk i got rlly excited abt#n downloaded it strategically for the free trial to expire today or tomorrow but. had to uninstall right away... sighs)#special thanks to lili for being so sweet . i think we became a bit closer through the messages we exchanged in between this project <3#special thanks to rachel and mare who i know are both really good friends with eri but who aren't exactly familiar with me... i was really#nervous messaging you both so thank you for being so sweet and for participating despite life not exactly helping!!#note for rachel: im sorry i ended up casually calling you rachie in my head the past month or so .. forgive me#special thanks to lulu for being willing to participate#a big thank you to everyone for opening up#and thank you to gabi and sarah who did try their best to find the means to participate#big thank you to gimp for crashing so many times while i was making this & to myself for overriding one of the most important files acciden#accidentally. good job#and finally. the BIGGEST thank you to OUR BELOVED ERI who. clearly. is just the biggest sweetest sunshine & the bestest friend to all of us#thank you for everything always ... i hope you're sleeping well by now#and of course: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! i truly wish you all the best today. and this month. and the next year and the next one and the next one an#i love you. <3 i really do#and so does everyone! clearly!!
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I love your polls and it’s great you try to be on both sides to give fair chance to everyone, but the way you talked about shanks/buggy is crazy They’re fine together but in canon they’re brothers and your shipping googles got so tight you actually sounded like you could believe they’re anywhere close to canon which is u know stupid af
lmao, okay, this came out of nowhere 😂 Like... I talked about that months ago. But okay.
Anyway, Shuggy is canon. They're making out behind you right now.
#Anon please 😂#Calling me stupid because you think I think shuggy is canon#but all the while claiming that the fact that they are brothers IS canon#My dear... neither are canon. It's all in our heads.#as far as I know only the marines said Shanks used to see Buggy as a brother#and what the hell do they know about the relationship between two pirates?#sounds like historians talking about queer relationships by saying 'they were REALLY good friends'#And... I don't usually talk about my ships on this blog but that was for the shipping war#shipping goggles was what the tournament was ABOUT...#But come closer... come look at my main blog...#I assure you you can only enter that blog with shipping goggles on 😂#This is all meant jokingly from my side of course#I don't see any ship but the confirmed ones as canon#even though some might be canon TO ME but that's something else entirely#Why not... you know... let people ship what they want to ship however much they want to ship it?#Do you see me taking offense to people who don't want to ship something?#No everyone is free to see relationships as platonically - even if they're canon confirmed to be married#I just take offense to people calling other people stupid because they don't agree with them on fandom things#Especially when they're claiming THEIR headcanons are actually canon#Honestly imo anyone talking about 'shipping goggles' is just trying to make people who enjoy shipping feel inferior#I'm sorry you can't believe we're all equals no matter what we ship or don't ship#anon#ask#not a poll#I hope you all get that this is not an invitation for you all to send me more messages about this#I don't want to start a discussion#I just want you all to respect each other#shuggy
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who knew that some agere people would be the worst type of people to exist (talking about you spinny)
#dont get your toddler army to do your anon hate and unblock me on discord if u want to talk#ik you act like a baby and thats fine but if youre bold enough to try to get me paranoid (and fail) then u should be bold enough to dm me#yknow without hiding yourself#either do that or leave us alone girl!! move on#like why do you preach about moving on to a new era and then actively seek out trouble ????#get a job or something#trying to make me think my bf is cheating on me is such a weird thing to do and a big low for you spinny. it's actually sad#the worst part youre not even good at doing it. youre making shit up from what you THINK you know & hiding behind ur friend#its okay to fall out of friendships and im not even trying to meddle with your life but you are literally actively seeking out problems#and thats so pathetic. especially when you paint yourself all high and might over us ??? clearly we tried everything for you#until we got to a point where we were literally drowning because we have other shit in our lives too#you keep losing friends and complain about it. maybe consider why??? because of lack of communication and empathy!! youre just mean!#especially to those who've always tried so hard to have your back and defend you! (buka and me!!!)#yet you didnt care. you dont communicate and expect us to read minds & you demand things#and u say that a real friend should know when to reach out & ya but when it gets to a point where i feel like im drowning? no thanks#im prioritizing myself and my mental health im sorry#not to mention i was ALWAYS IN THE MIDDLE IN YOUR BULLSHIT#so grow up. actually. and if you wanna dm me then unblock me and we can talk#if you want to keep hiding behind your toddler friends acting like youre all small and sweet and babies then go ahead but leave us alone?#at least ill have closure and finally come to terms that you're not rlly a good person and u use your illnesses to excuse ur behavior#because i still think about you and wish you were our friend but after everything thats happened (this being the cherry on top for ME)#then maybe you really just are a shitty person and you do more harm than good#soz to everyone else reading this just continue scrolling LOL#its drama cus an ex friend is sending their toddler militia on me for some reason???#delete later
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I realized a little while ago that, thinking over my whole life, I don't think I've ever been the person to ask someone else if they want to hang out with me. Like... ever...? I've been to people's houses and they've been to mine, I've met up with people out and about, but the closest I've come to initiating those conversations has always been, like, putting an open call on facebook. And now I'm over thirty and the idea of even trying-- even with, like, my mom, or nearby irl friends who would clearly definitely be up for it-- makes me feel like throwing up
#fun to be in your thirties and making lots of brand new discoveries of things that have always been wrong with you#I mean thinking about it I MUST have invited other kids to spend the night SOME of the time when I was a literal child??#it can't ALL have been my two doors down best friend inviting herself because she was already at my house#SURELY I am the one who invited school friends over and not them asking me every time? surely...#but at least from middle school onward I just. I just! didn't see my friends outside of school other than for my birthday!!#I can HEAD UP a broad impersonal 'let's all get together' no problem! I can send birthday party invitations!#justin while I was having this crisis of realization: you were going to ask me to hang out that day in ann arbor? I just beat you to it#me-- haunted: justin. no. me posting that I was going to be at the art fair on facebook WAS me letting you know.#me: my ENTIRE plan beyond that was to maybe hopefully coincidentally run into you because you lived in the same city.#anyway I finally Realized this because I was thinking 'I should see if friend wants to hang out' and then was too terrified to try :'D#normal normal normal ohhh my god I am so so normal and good at being a human alive on earth with other humans#me just after high school missing my friends but the idea of asking A Person to hang out with Just Me is utterly terrifying:#hey Everyone who all wants to get together you know like as a group#I have Problems with solo meetups giving me anxiety anyway but at least they're POSSIBLE for me if the other person suggests it#to all of my beloved friends. sorry I'm a piece of shit it's not you there's just something wrong with me#about me
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good evening to everyone except a certain few fucking anons
#go fuck yourselves like seriously what the fuck#im so sick of this#this is about the last two anons by the way. i havent gotten any more because i turned off anon asks#if you wanna know why anon asks are off blame those two assholes#seriously that stupid shits been getting to my head#you know why? because every fucking person around here (especially my mum) LOVES to criticise me and accuse me of victimising myself#literally every fucking thing i do is wrong around here down to my hair#all these fucking adults like to bully me about MY hair#fuck you if i want bangs I'll keep the bangs#literally it seems like they're just doing whatever they can to change me into someone else. someone they want#this fucking culture of mine is so shitty i swear to god#like they think that BULLYING you is people being honest with you#and that if someone's nice to you theyre shittalking you behind your back#(honestly considering some of the people i see i wouldn't be surprised)#and im not even doing anything thats WRONG either. im different and not one of these people can tolerate that#yeah my mum sent me a video of a goat with curly hair and implied she thinks my bangs are like that. in a derogatory manner btw#so yeah that's had me pissed and then the fucking anons were also making me pissed#fuck you I'm gonna be as selfish as i want when i post on MY blog#this blog is MINE#I decide what i write and how much i wanna shittalk someone who upset me to get my feelings out. if anyone wants to call me selfish fuck you#and you know what? fuck That Person too. they geniunely messed me up more than they helped me#yes. im still gonna talk about them. im still gonna complain because FUCK YOU I NEED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW OKAY#I NEED THIS SHIT OUT OF ME AND IT GETS BACK INTO MY HEAD SO I NEED IT OUTSIDE#and fuck you anons who gave your unwanted opinion. if you cant say anything nice SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS#i was taken advantage of and manipulated#and apparently I'm the bad guy for small mistakes like excuse me#and then that person even told a friend of theirs once to attack me (over text) like what#i just cant anymore it needs to be fucking out#and im not sorry for complaining about this because this is my blog and i will complain on here. this blog is for ME. for MY happiness.#and as such i will fucking complain shit and i will fucking post my vents because thats the only way i can send these emotions off for good
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Girl... I aint reading all that
#ceci speaks#nonsims#text#negative#gif warning#keep crying stalker#refresh my tab and go write another nonsensical rant just like i said u would lmfao#or finally get over it girl cos no one cares#glad i got u hella mad and ranting at nothing... as usual#thats how stupid and easily led you are#good luck with that school u got going on...#ppl pls dont send me anything else from this stalker theres nothing they have to say thats valuable or the slightest bit intelligent#delete later#also dont say ur lowkey sorry to me when ur on my dick 24/7#obsessed and thinking racism only exists for you personally#cos you cant handle anyone disagreeing with you#cos if u really thought i was racist u wouldnt have been liking my cc posts#and dming me apologies for getting me hate up until a few months ago when i blocked u#ur ego got hurt when i blocked u and that is the ONLY reason u rant about me every other business day#same thing with all your weird friends that were nice in my dms and sticking around in my server until a few months ago#now all of a sudden im a vile coon that they never liked to begin with#only AFTER I blocked yall after catching yall talking shit out the other side ur mouth and not to my face#youre cowards plain and simple just trying to act tough and hard and morally right#when in the end you just look fucking goofy#for swearing i was antiblack whilst being buddy buddy with me#what does that make yall then?#birds of a feather and all that right#you just dont know how to not like someone without trying to villainize them and that is cowardice#otherwise you wouldnt ONLY call someone problematic after they blocked or personally offended you
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someone wanna interact with my tumblr like it’s 2015 again and we’re all sending each other gay anons
#I’ve lost everything that was good in my life and its v hard#I crave the validation of strangers on the internet to keep me from giving up lmao#tho 2017 is when my friends (turns out they were not friends) were sending me anonymous hate so that was fun#tbh I’d take even that rn#I’m confused and hurt and foggy all the time#sorry to rant but also I’m desperate to be heard
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made some very minor rules updates! the main one :
i won’t fill out interest checkers or send in rules passwords; it just feels quite formal for what is, to me, a very casual hobby! if we’re mutuals, I WANT TO WRITE WITH YOU — & as king of pulling AUs out of thin air, there’s almost never a time where i can’t or won’t write with a particular muse. just assume i’m up for anything & i’ll communicate my boundaries if they come up!
i totally understand the appeal and, especially for folks who can be anxious about approaching others, the comfort of having it in writing that a mutual wants to write before reaching out, but — well, if i didn't want to write with you, i wouldn't be following!! please assume me following is me jumping up and down with glee at the prospect of writing with you. my rules specifically beg mutuals to send me unprompted asks / starters / etc., and that applies to all of you and all your muses! i don't need to know a ton about your muse / their fandom / their world etc to party hard, and some of my favourite dynamics have come about from somebody just chucking a starter at me and being like 'x and y are friends now and here's the starter to prove it.' i am always down, and trust me when i say that if there was a muse on your blog i simply Could Not Stand To See Or Write With the chances of me following you in the first place are ~ 1%
#anyway i love being loosey goosey w all things rp. plot. characterization. shipping! its all for fun#TBH while total strangers should run romantic shipping by me before jumping in if we've chatted at all#and u wanna throw me a starter that assumes our muses have been besties for 6 years / are exes / once killed a guy together#party hard. go crazy. i think its fun!!!#and if we're friends just straight up forceship w me i dont care GHKFLDSHGDHKSHKFDHKS#write me a starter that begins 'after 6 months of flirting' ill get w the program#its all just a good time babyyyyyyyyy#bringing it back 2 the actual rules update djslghfksgdf sorry i got off track#its 100% fine also if this feels untenable 2 u!!! if that rule makes u uncomfy (or any of my rules do!) that is so so so fine#neither of us are jerks we just have different ways of approaching rp and that is a-okay!!! i wish u so much luck and joy#and i also wish myself those things!#mutual checkers sorta remind me of the uh....what were they called. the like forever starter calls?#'like this if i can always send u memes/write u starters'#cos i was just like 'is that not what being mutuals means'
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#im sorry but what are you meant to do when. without wanting to or meaning to even the slightest bit.#you betray the person you care most about in the whole world and send them into possibly some of the worst heartache they've ever known.#what the FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME????#WHY CANT I JST **NOT** FUCK EVERYTHING UP#I SHOULD NEVBER HAVE BEEN FUCKING BORN EVERYONE WOULD BE SO MUCH HAPPIER IF I HADNT#I KNOW HE WOULD BE. I KNOW MY PARENTS WOULD BE.#i try to think of any good i've done for anyone in my life and just.#maybe i helped him stay alive to this point i don't know. i guess i probably helped him feel happier moving forward in the past.#but i highly doubt that *i* would've been the difference between him being here or not so i guarantee he would be happier.#maybe two of my friends might never have gotten together if i hadn't been born.#is that all my purpose was.#...with my now-ex boyfriend. i felt so strongly the moment i first saw him on tumblr that he was going to be important in my life.#he showed up on my dash venting about his life and i followed and sent an ask to offer some comfort#fucking. Years later we were fucking ENGAGED and I RUINED EVERYTHING WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
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guys i've been improving a lot lately i'm happy w myself
#🌙.rambles#I MADE A NEW FRIEND TODAY FR BCS I GOT OVER MY ANXIETY. LIKE FUCK THAT YK 😭😭 no regrets !!!!#i've been. hesitating less lately. just yk being more comfortable being myself fr#i'm.. really happy i've managed to find more peace in that aspect#n i haven't been like. writing as much as i used to. like uh. pushing myself too much to write in order to remember like#in my spotify playlists yk making them organized n i used to be very consistent w writing a lil thing for this playlist i make each day#it's nice but it ended up stressing me for a while. but now i'm so much better. so much kinder to myself#n then w things i haven't done yet.. no i know for sure i'll do them one day.#i've been pushing myself a bit more lately but now not in a stressful way. like yk in a good way like i'm not settling when i know i can#do more n i can manage it n i know i'll be kind to myself while i'm doing it n regardless of the outcome yk?#guys sorry to that new friend i made tho i cannot text ppl like during convos.#LIKE NO WAIT I CAN BUT I LIKE TO THINK A LOT BEFORE I DO INTERACT W OTHERS YK T_T#WHICH IS WHY I GET SO ANXIOUS TYPICALLY WHEN OTHERWISE..#guys i want to bring back writing letters to each other so badly like i want to. to my future lover can we pls send letters to each other#OR EVEN TO MY FRIENDS BCS LETTERS R JUST SO CUTE YK !!!! A WHOLE LOVE LANGUAGE FOR ME 🥺#like you can start w smth cute like yk 'dear __' orrr hmm yk decorating the letter hehe n then#writing things w handwriting is so cute ! so personal so sweet ARGHHH#the way i used to like message one of my twt/tumblr friends was often by sending like long messages n thennnn#tumblr asks c: i feel so at home w them yk#i write. long. n GOD IF I WERE TO WRITE LIKE YK ACTUAL LETTERS.. I WANT TO MAKE THEM LIKE#YK THOSE LETTERS THAT THOSE OLD WRITERS USED TO SEND !!!! THEY'RE SO LOVELY#hang on i have smth due in like less than an hour n i'm nearly done just one more simple thing but i got distracted help#DUDEEEE LOOKED AT MY NOTIFS AGAIN N I CAN READ SOME OF THEIR MESSAGES BUT I CAN'T SEE THE PIC ????#okay this means a lot to them bcs it seems me n apollo r genuinely the first ppl they've met that#are fellow enthusiasts of yk smth personal for majority of their life. GODDAMN#I RELATE W THAT 😭😭 n then i don't mean this in an arrogant or idk egotistical but it seems. me n apollo have been like#special ppl in other's lives..? idk i don't want that to come off the wrong way but.. yeah 🥺#DUDE I CANT SEE THE PIC YOU SENT AFTER 'DUDE READING ALL YOUR MESSAGES GOT ME LIKE' IN MY NOTIFS N IT'S#DRIVING ME INSANE BCS I HATE INSTAGRAM SO MUCH N HOW IT SHOWS IF YOU'VE SEEN MESSAGES 💀#hi hello this is me in live action n why making new friends is hard for me :^) I GTG NOW BUT AAAAAAAA I'M PROUD OF MYSELF
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