#sorry if it reads like ass i just speedrunning my thoughts

[deathbirby]

!!! YEAHHHH LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOO. MY THOUGHTS BELOW BECAUSE OH BOY I LOVE THIS??

Ahhh... Starlo moving into the house and bringing his own stuff over and- AAAHHH.. just getting comfortable and oh my god imagine Ceroba just seeing the stuff and feeling like the house is a little less dreary now. Oughh...

there were ALSO going to be more scenes with the feisty five, because i love them

The feisty five!!!! I love them sm that snippet is perfect actually. I can totally get not wanting to write more than 3 people tho. I die at writing just 2 people. And hey, they ended up being perfect in the fic. I haven't said it yet, but you absolutely nail the characters and sometimes when I think about uty I think of your fic. That's how accurately they are written to me.

a lot of my notes for this fic were about ceroba and chujin's relationship.

Ohh.. Chujin and Ceroba. They're so.. interesting. I completely get you too! They were definitely happy together.. but it wasn't that healthy in the end. The lack of communication (like about the number of kids you want??) made me raise several eyebrows. And Chujin locking his final wish behind an impossible task (that requires killing an innocent person).. oughh.. I know he was afraid but his fear ultimately blinded him to the needs of his family.

i'd like to think i could guess... Ohh my god. That part where she talks to his grave.. it made me so fucking sad. Nothing can really describe the feeling of looking at the grave of a loved one. But it was written so well! I love how she comes to accept that she didn't know him as well as she wishes she did but that she still loves the husband she lost..

she blinks back the tears before they can fall. The ache behind them dulls

Oh.. It's.. god it hurts so good. The acceptance. The way she can finally move on. I'm sobbing on the floor.

this of course also comes back in her confession to starlo in the last scene

AND STARLO! She's been his best friend for decades now. She knows him and his faults. He knows hers. They still support the other despite that. Not even at their lowest will they abandon the other!! (Ceroba being the one the stop Starlo from shooting Clover and Starlo stopping Ceroba from asking to be shot by Clover- I. Oh my god..) They're so fucking loyal to the other. They kept secrets at first but they won't do it again. Not after the events of the game. One finding out is what ultimately helps the other. I love them sm your honor

let's talk about kanako: i actually have an abandoned-for-now WIP prequel/sequel to this fic about her!

KANAKO!!!! Omg I'd love to read that fic so much. Intergrity and Kanako sharing a body?? soul?? is one of my favorite takes. (Spoonako in the bathtub jamming out was totally Integrity getting the aux and playing a banger song in their head)

Kanako basically canibalizing the other monsters... Ough imagine the guilt. Don't think about it. I pretend I do not see it. Alphys looking at her soul like "What is wrong with you?? WHY ARE YOU BLUE?"

here's my favorite little bit of what i had written:

..That snippet. Oh. My. God. She realizes Integrity is scared..!! That she was scared even back then!! They were just a child in an awful, AWFUL situation. Oh my god. And she worries about her mother!! KANAKO YOU ARE A SPOON AND YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT HOW WORRIED YOUR MOM MUST BE- I'm gonna cry. She just wants to see her mom again and uncle star and- ohh I am not okay.

i also have a clover fic idea set in this universe called you shouldn't have to sell your soul

Hello?? I absolutely would read this?? The reunion.. The tears.. The feelings.. Lami wanting to find her friend- AAAGHH...

thank you for reading all this if you did!!! thanks for giving me the excuse to ramble about them again, i love this game and i love star and ceroba and the ketsukane family alot

BRO YOU BET I READ ALL OF THIS!! I love these characters so fucking much. You could literally ramble for hours and I would listen. In fact, if you ever wanna ramble please do I am here for it actually.

..also I just imagine Kanako coming back and being like "Mom why were you and Uncle Star kissing?" and Ceroba looking like

HI HELLO! I read your Staroba fanfic and I didn't have an account to leave a comment so I thought I would do that here. So uhh... here goes?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT WAS SO GOOD AAAAGHHH I AM SICK THEY MAKE ME SO ILL??? I love them oughhhhhh I love them so much they're so CUTE TOGETHER AAAA.

“I wouldn’t find you anyway. You snore.” “I do not—” Star laughs, bright, ducking away as she swats at him. For a moment, the stale air of the Ketsukane Estate lifts, and Ceroba can breath again.

OH MY GOD HOW ABOUT I JUST CRUMPLE TO THE FLOOR AND SOB AND AAAAAA

You cooked so hard you burnt down not just my kitchen but my entire house. Thank you SO MUCH

Oh and... there is a director's cut? ... 🥺👉👈

HI THIS IS SO KIND!! thank you for reaching out to leave a comment i love getting asks about my fics. it's been a Hot Minute since i thought about uty but i will absolutely dig into my notes for the director's cut again <3 putting it under a cut because i have no idea how long it'll get!

so, first, deleted scenes: there was originally going to be a scene where ceroba notices that starlo hasn't really Moved In to the guest room at all, and gently bullies him until he brings over his sewing machine/more of his stuff and makes it his home too. there were ALSO going to be more scenes with the feisty five, because i love them, but writing scenes with more than three people is a NIGHTMAREEE and it got a bit out of scope of what i wanted. here's a snip of that deleted scene though

“Could play ERS,” Star suggests. “Somethin’ Ace can’t cheat at.” Ace scoffs, idly shuffling the deck of cards on the table. “I would never. Mooch, on the other hand…” “I would,” Mooch chirps, smiling broadly.

a lot of my notes for this fic were about ceroba and chujin's relationship. it, for obvious reasons, haunts the backdrop of this fic a lot - the complications of their relationship that never had the chance to be worked out in life, the ways in which they complicate her grief in the aftermath of his death, it all means a lot to me and it was important to me that i underlined it throughout the fic. see:

The minute it escapes, Ceroba wants to take it back, but she can’t. Star takes the beer from her hands as the aluminum crumples in her claws. She lets him, her head bowed and her shoulders shaking. “He knew me. He knew me, didn’t he? And he still- and he still… what’d he think I could do? That he couldn’t? That the finest minds of monsterkind couldn’t?” “I don’t think we’ll ever know,” Star says, quietly. She laughs, covers her mouth to stifle it. Tears slip down her cheeks. She’s been crying too much, lately. She doesn’t want to remember these moments. “I wish I did,” she cries. “I��m so damn tired of guessing.”

in the game, she refers to chujin as "a man of secrets". when she talks about him building a house: i think he was insinuating a bigger family. did they never have a conversation about that? where he told her he wanted a bigger family, without her having to guess based on how big he built the house? and, of course, the entirety of steamworks underlining that... maybe he wasn't as honest about his job to her as he could've been!! not to mention. the elephant in the room of "experimenting on himself to his death"

i don't think it was a bad marriage! we don't see a lot of them, but the scenes we do see in the flashbacks, and the way ceroba talks about him - there's a lot of genuine love and care there, and i believe that they had a good thing going, but it definitely wasn't the healthiest, especially when it came to how they talked to each other - or, you know. How They Didn't. ceroba deconstructing her idolization of chujin after his death and coming to terms with the fact that she can be, and IS, angry with him, even in her love and her grief, was like. the backbone of this fic, for me. but also, of course, it's about the way she ends up accepting it, and moving on:

“I think I already knew what I was going to do before I came to visit. I just wanted to let you know. There’s…” Ceroba places a hand on the grave, fingers curling against the smooth surface of it. “There’s so much I should’ve asked you, when we had the time. So much I wish I had known from your mouth, instead of the tapes. Instead of the Steamworks. But seeing you in the things you made for the Dunes, for the rest of the Underground… that isn’t so bad. I don’t know what you’d think of the last couple years. But I’d like to think I could guess.”

accepting her role in the way things were strained, and looking to the good of his legacy, the good she loved in him. accepting that she DID know him - not nearly enough of him, not as much as she wanted to, but that she did. i'd like to think i could guess. you know!!

this of course also comes back in her confession to starlo in the last scene - the fact that she knows starlo so well, that she's known him for so long and trusts him to be open and honest, THAT is part of what reassures her that she can be in a relationship again. that it won't end up the same way. the knowing is important to her!! the trust!!!

ceroba & chujin sidebar over, let's talk about kanako: i actually have an abandoned-for-now WIP prequel/sequel to this fic about her! called i'd really love to break your heart, about her time in the secret lab from the moment she became an amalgam to her post-undertale reunion with ceroba. it's a more dreamlike/rambling style of third person than i hope we live to tell the tale, because it's very inside of kanako's head, and her thought process as an amalgam is really tangled and messy, especially before frisk arrives. i have a couple notes for how i think she's like, as an amalgam:

amalgam kanako threads - friends with the ghost of integrity? looks like she's talking to herself. did melt with other monsters but took 'priority' & is now the only aware monster in the amalgam, which she doesnt think about. has dreams of others' memories. still loves westerns. asks alphys for them. amalgam parts: parsnik (snakes like dina's…), frostermit or another hermit crab…, decibat relative?

the fact that she was injected with integrity is key to my understanding of her as an amalgam, because i think that's what kept her 'kanako' even when the other monsters lost themselves. an unimpaired condition, the quality of being whole, etc. i think she inherits a lot of behaviors and faint memories, feelings from the other monsters, but for all intents and purposes she's the only one still 'alive', and i think she feels guilty about that, a little! but for most of the time, while she's in the secret lab, she's just really, really not thinking about it too hard.

here's my favorite little bit of what i had written:

When the Royal Scientist walks into the room, shocked and worried and hopeful all at once, and tells them they can go home if everything’s alright, Kanako hears her, but… She isn’t looking at her at all. She’s looking at the human at the back of the room only she can see, the girl from Snowdin in her dusty tutu and ribboned shoes, looking all wrong. Nothing but a dark blue shadow on the wall, a slip of a person. Dr. Alphys keeps rambling and the girl meets Kanako’s eye, slowly shakes her head. She looks scared, now. Scared like she looked back then, when Kanako couldn’t recognize it.  It doesn’t make any sense. They’re all awake now, aren’t they? They’ll get to go home tomorrow, won’t they? She’ll get to see Mom again, and Uncle Star, and everything will be okay, because her dad’s plan didn’t work but she’s alive, awake, and she doesn’t know how long she’s been asleep but Mom must be worried sick. There’s a lurch in Kanako’s stomach every time she looks over to the girl, for the rest of the day. The unease, a constant shadow over what should be joy. 

(my integrity is named lami, and she's a good kid, for all that she lashes out when she gets scared. i'm a "all of the souls were just kids and even if they did get LV that's a tragedy of their circumstances" truther. she's the second main character of this fic and i think her and kanako are best friends :] it takes a while. but they get there. having someone to talk to through those lonely years is part of what keeps kanako together)

and my secret, third thing to wrap this up: i also have a clover fic idea set in this universe called you shouldn't have to sell your soul, which is a second person fic about them and flowey seeking out the cast of uty post-undertale when the kids are revived. lami joins them because she wants to find kanako. they're so important to me<3

thank you for reading all this if you did!!! thanks for giving me the excuse to ramble about them again, i love this game and i love star and ceroba and the ketsukane family alot

[blue--ingenue]

"Evasive Maneuvers" - Part 6

Read the next part

Summary: You've been in love with Sebastian since the moment you knocked him on his arse on your first day. Entering your sixth year, you finally begin working up the courage to confess your feelings when he suddenly becomes the best Beater Hogwarts has seen in decades - and subsequently becomes the school's most eligible bachelor.

Author's Notes: *shakes this chapter like a jar of dog biscuits* besties, i'm so sorry for the little hiatus, but as usually summer college classes were kicking my ass 🫠 my last finals are tomorrow, and then i need to speedrun packing for my dorm etc.... i also really wanted to do this chapter justice, so it was written and rewritten at least five times before i decided on the final draft. anyway, back to our (ir)regularly scheduled Slytherin himbo

The second he loses sight of her in the swarm of students he really starts to panic. He starts pushing his way through the crowd toward the last spot he saw her, but it’s by far easier said than done. Imelda calls out for him to come back for the usual post-game debrief, but he shouts an excuse over his shoulder about going to the hospital wing. She could be anywhere, and he’s wasting precious time. Sebastian doesn’t think he was nearly this panicked when he plummeted toward the ground mere minutes ago. He stops, exasperated, and surveys the crowd. 

Fuck it. 

He hastily mounts his broom and yanks the handle upward. Hard. It’s possibly the fastest he’s ever taken off and the crowd beneath him cheers as he shoots upward and forward. As soon as he clears the quidditch pitch he’s scanning the grounds for a trace of her homemade quidditch jersey. The thought of her putting so much time and effort into the garment, all in support of him, forces a fresh stab of guilt between his ribs. His broom seems to sense his urgency and accelerates on its own. God, he’s such an ass. She’s never been anything short of kind to him, far kinder than he probably deserves, and he’s spent the last few days thinking nothing but the worst of her. No, he realizes with a jolt, not even the worst. 

He’s been seething over the thought of her enjoying Weasley���s company. Merely being happy in his presence. Nothing malicious or untoward or even anything to do with him. Every new realization pricks him with equal measures of mortification and hope. How was he going to explain his recent actions without revealing his true feelings to her? He had no idea. At this point his one-track mind was focussed purely on finding her. He’d figure out the rest once he was sure no more tears adorned her face. Is this the type of bloke he was? So jealous that he’d rather cause pain than face it? He considers asking Anne for advice on the whole situation, but he already knows what his better half would say: “Just tell her how you feel.”

He shakes the thought from his head. Impossible. He couldn’t face the possibility of losing her if she felt the same way. And if she did? What if he wasn’t good enough for her? After all the pain he’d caused her in fifth year, and now this, what if she was better off with someone like Weasley? She deserves someone who will treat her heart with care. Someone who won’t coerce her into risking her life for dark magic. Although Sebastian had been true to his word about relinquishing dark magic, the guilt of his actions remained. Sometimes, on particularly dark nights, he’d wake to the sound of her wails and pleas as her body convulsed next to the remains of Noctua Gaunt, his hand would shake as he channeled the pain directly into her veins. Other nights he’d grip the sheets in a cold sweat, his body safe in bed, but his mind bound to the darkest parts of him he’d worked to repress. He could still feel the phantom rush of power as he held the relic. His blood sang with power as the resurrected dead moved to his every whim. And there, at the center of it all, her. 

Terrified, resolute, courageous. Even as inferi clawed at her arms and Solomon appeared at the mouth of the cave, red with rage, she was still trying to save him. In his darkest of moments he wonders if he’d ever deserved saving at all. If she hadn’t knocked him unconscious, and if Anne’s curse hadn’t lifted as soon as Rookwood was destroyed, Sebastian knew he could’ve done a lot more damage. He knew he didn’t deserve her, but that didn’t stop him from wanting her. And oh, did he want her. She was radiant, inside and out. Even if she wasn’t the most beautiful witch he’d ever beheld, her heart and mind would enchant him all the same. She was always so quick to help others, so fearless in her every endeavor, it was a wonder she had any love left to give. She never failed to surprise him. She made him want to be a better man. She saw every flaw in his character, ran a gentle hand along every faultline in his heart and mended it with a selflessness rarer than the ancient magic gracing her person. 

Sometimes he wanted to grab hold of her, tender yet so very sincere, and remind her that she needed to save herself, too. He wouldn’t insult her intelligence by suggesting that she was ignorant of her own needs. But one time, just one time, he wished she would put her well being above others’. 

There was one question still nagging at the bag of his mind, a thread he had neither the time nor heart to unravel at the time. Why had she been so upset by his kissing Amelia? Was she perhaps still angry at him for ignoring her this morning? Why else would she - 

Oh, hell. 

It was impossible, no more than a pipe dream, but did she share his feelings? Why else would she have run away? He wanted more than anything to believe it, but what if he was wrong? He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. If he confessed his feelings and she didn’t feel the same, he could lose her. But if she did, she could lose herself. He knew from experience that she’d go to hell and back just to fetch him, but she shouldn’t have to. Despite his best efforts he’d found numerous ways to hurt her in the past year. She didn’t deserve him. She deserved better. And if she wouldn’t make that choice herself, well, he’d just have to make it for her. 

Sebastian was so lost in his thoughts he nearly missed the flash of green beneath him. Cursing himself, he circled back to her and flew lower. It was unmistakably her. His last name billowed as she walked quickly toward the castle. He descended rapidly, calling out her name and begging her to wait. She turned and their gazes connected. Even if she was angry with him he felt a glimmer of hope that at least he had a chance to fix things. He was so focussed on her, he didn’t realize he was about to fly right into a tree until she shouted a warning, but it was too late to stop. Branches whipped at his face, stinging as he plowed through the tree before his broom lodged between two trunks and he was thrown forward. He managed to latch onto the branch, narrowly avoiding a swift trip to the ground twenty feet below. For the second time that day the air was forced from his bruised lungs and he fought the urge to vomit. Despite the pain and mortification, Sebastian couldn’t help but feel that this was at least partially deserved. He heard creaking as the branches to his left shifted and he watched his broom plummet to the ground. Well, the handle landed first, and the brush followed a moment later. Great, he thought. Imelda was sure to give him an earful about this. 

A brighter spot of green obscured the remains of his broom, and she looked up at him. He could almost hear a crack shooting through his heart as he took in her appearance. Her tears had smeared the green and silver paint almost completely off her cheeks. Her eyes were red-rimmed and every sniffle sent her shoulders trembling. At this moment he would have let go and fallen to the ground immediately if it meant he could wipe the tears from her face. Did he even deserve to? What right did he have to cause her grief and then swoop in like some undeserving savior?

She wordlessly raised her hands and reached out as though to pluck him from the branches. Blue light arced from her hands as she channeled her ancient magic. Sebastian felt himself being gently extricated from the twigs and leaves before those same gentle blue tendrils lowered him to the grass before her. 

The pair stood still. The intensity of her gaze rivaled his, but neither took a step forward. The air felt heavy with implications, things still left unsaid. Say something! A voice screamed in his head. You made this whole bloody mess, so say something!

He took two steps toward her, and said, “I’m sorry.”

She made no move toward him, and if not for the near-imperceptible softening of her brow he might’ve thought she hadn’t heard him. “For what?”

The determined search of her gaze told him everything. They both knew what she was really asking. She was waiting for him to voice his feelings. To lay claim to every bit of stolen affection threaded through the moments they shared. He had to tell her. He needed to tell her, she deserved that much. He opened his mouth to speak and - 

“I like you!” he shouted. She startled at his panicked outburst and he ran a frustrated hand through his hair. She looked at him, calculating and wary, before taking a step back. “Sebastian, you don’t have to say that simply because you feel guilty about-” he gave a frustrated groan and closed the distance between them in two determined strides. He frantically took her hands in his, held them gently, and whispered the truth he’d been so desperate to hide from. 

“That isn’t why. Please, you must know that isn’t why,” he pleaded. A stray tear remained on the apple of her cheek and he brushed it away with a tender swipe of his hand. He let his touch linger for a moment before drifting back to clasp her hands. “You occupy my every waking moment. Even in sleep I cannot escape the thought of you. Nor would I ever want to,” he declared. Her eyes searched for any hint of insincerity, but she didn’t pull away from him. Sebastian took that as a sign of encouragement and continued.  

“You are unlike any witch or wizard I have ever met. Kinder and braver than any soul I’ll ever meet, and my heart is irrevocably yours. You needn’t say anything, but know that it belongs to you. I’ve been a prick to you. I was selfish and scared and jealous, and I’m sorry for kissing Amelia. I won’t insult you by asking for forgiveness I know I don’t deserve, but you must know that I am yours, even if you want nothing to do with me.“

He finishes, breathless, and watches her. His brain is on fire and he’s pretty sure he’s run through the entire spectrum of human emotion in the last thirty seconds, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t give her time to process everything he’s just thrown at her. He waits, and waits, and his palms begin to sweat. Shit. Was this the wrong time? Had he just royally fucked up whatever remained of their friendship? His gaze flicked up to her face, which had remained stoic beneath her runny makeup and the volley of emotion he had just flung at her. An agonizingly slow moment later she looked at him, really looked, as though for the first time, and she was livid.

There was fire in her eyes and blue magic arced from her fingertips. He took an instinctive step back as she leveled him with a stare rivaling the intensity of his own jackrabbiting heart. She swallowed thickly, and spoke.

“And how long,” she started, cocking her head. “How long have you felt this way?” He gulped. Was she going to hex him? Sebastian was sure he deserved it six ways to Sunday, but he would’ve at least liked more of a reaction to his confession before she blasted him to hell. 

“Since fifth year?” he squeaked. He actually squeaked. Good gods, this was mortifying. He thanked whoever was listening that at the very least Ominis wasn’t here to witness the whole ordeal. He answered like it was a question, when really this one of the only truths he knew in the core of his being to be true.

She took a step toward him, her mouth agape and eyes narrowed in confusion. Hysterically, he thought it was the same look she adopted when Professor Binns roused her from her nap to answer a question during lecture. He gulped. 

“Why on earth haven’t you said anything?!” she shrieked. He furrowed his brows and took a step closer to her. If she was going to immolate him, fine. For her he’d burn a thousand times. 

“Because I know you don’t feel the same!” He shouted frantically. “You don’t! You can’t, and you shouldn’t! I’ve been awful to you, and you deserve better!”

She held her face in her hands, exasperated and inhaling deeply, before throwing her hands up and shouting to the heavens, “Of course I feel the same!” She cried. “Merlin’s bloody balls, how thick can you get?!”

He stilled. He’s pretty sure his heart had stopped beating around the same time the air in his lungs froze over. “What?”

At his single syllable all the anger seemed to seep from her figure. She crossed her arms, the blue lightning dissipating as her chest heaved. When she spoke she was gentle, careful.

“Sebastian, did you truly not know?” Her eyes were pleading, searching his for answers he wasn’t sure he could provide.

He spluttered. She couldn’t feel the same. She didn’t…”You’ve never given any inclination. And I didn’t want to do anything untoward or unwanted…” he trailed off.

She laughed. Not a cruel, mocking sound like he probably deserved, but chiding. It wasn’t unlike the chuckles he heard from her when one of her puffskeins tried licking her when she wasn’t looking. 

“Sebastian bloody Sallow, I’ve been in love with you from the start. I don’t know how you could possibly think I don’t care for you, but please, banish the thought.” She declared softly. He suddenly realized how close they’d drifted. The red thread connecting his heart to hers always had a way of drawing them together. He looked down and she was nearly flush against his chest. Instinctively he drew his arms around her. Something sharp poked his chest and he brushed it aside. It was the necklace he’d given her. Within the gilded confines the stone glowed a deep, confident blue. A memory sparked somewhere in the back of his mind as he recalled the parchment the vendor had given him. Blue - truth.

He dropped the pendant as though it had burned him. She was telling the truth. She loved him, truly and completely, and he loved her the same. Everything he wanted was within his grasp, if only…If only he were someone more deserving. If only he were someone who could keep her safe and care for her in the ways she deserved. He looked down and her eyes were drifting closed. Just before they fluttered shut her gaze flickered to his lips. That’s funny, when had he started dipping his head toward her? His composure faltered - and good gods, no man could be strong enough for such temptation-

But he needed to be. Sebastian Sallow might not be the man she deserves, but he would be a man strong enough to keep her from making the mistake of choosing him. His eyes shot open and he pressed a gently finger to her lips. “Wait,” he whispered. She stilled and stopped. Gods, her lips were soft beneath his touch. And the way she was looking at him, with such open vulnerability, twisted the dagger he held to his own heart. She was confused, waiting for him to say something.

He released her and took a step back. And then another, and another. “We can’t. You can’t feel this way for me. I’ll only hurt you again, and you deserve better.” He broke her gaze hung his head. “So much better…”

When he looked up at her again, he almost wished he hadn’t. The tears were back, and this time her lip was trembling. He strode toward her, holding out his arms in comfort, but she held up a hand. It was trembling, and blue lightning crackled across her palm, but her voice was steady as she spoke. 

“Nobody makes my decisions for me. Nobody. You can tell me that you love me, or hate me, or anything in between. But you don’t get to stand there and tell me how I am meant to feel. If you don’t want me, then just say so. I deserve that much.”

Sebastian was truly and utterly speechless. He did want her, more than anything, but he couldn’t trust himself to keep her from harm on his behalf. He couldn’t draw her back into his arms knowing that he didn’t deserve her, but telling her that he didn’t want her? That would surely kill him. So he stood, silent, and said nothing at all.

As the seconds drew on, she seemed to take his lack of response as an answer all the same. She nodded her head once before stalking past him back to the castle, and he got one good look at the pendant as her shoulders shook with sobs. Black - anguish.

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Bonus Author's Note: besties, no matter how much you love someone, never let anyone make your decisions for you or tell you how you feel. you are irreplacable and nobody has the right to save you for later <3

Taglist: @snickette, @findingtruenorth23, @plooloo, @paganicher, @smilesworldsposts, @snoozebun, @crazyllamasurfer, @pixie-dustss, @margottheviking, @lollife1617, @milk-barrs-blog, @somethingiswrongwithme, @bleh-stupid, @stay-gray, @mrsbrookesallow, @lostgirl-28, @kateisnotheree, @doigettokeepyou, @dreamqueenkala, @uwuitzerimpact, @neoqueen306

[sodascribbles]

hello would people like sly cooper gender and sexuality headcanons bc i have figured out the truth and as we all know the truth is lava-proof /ref

slyfox is t4t sly and carmelita told me themselves /j

sly (he/him + neos) is transmasc and bisexual (hes just like me fr) though personally i also think he's grayromantic possibly demi. he doesnt think abt it too hard tho! trades neos w bentley like pokemon cards

carmelita (she/her) is transfem btw also. bisexual queen we love to see it.

murray (he/him) is like the only cis one of the cooper gang but hes also like canonically gay (bi at the very least) hes a gay man ok

hot take but. trans girl bentley (she/they + neos). also under the aro umbrella i think and i think shes ace. penelope and them are qpps. them and sly trade neopronouns around like pokemon cards

penelope (they/she) is also transfem actually. demigirl <3 theyre aroace her and bentley are qpps still. they had a whole sexuality crisis over sly but NOPE it was the aesthetic attraction come to kick them in the ass

HOT TAKE. dimitri (he/it) is a trans man. hes gay i think. possibly aro and homosexual but is not opposed to being in a relationship.

tbf im aro so maybe im just projecting onto these guys but who's to say. :3

nb panda king (they/he but rlly doesnt care) for the win im an agender panda king truther. does not mind any gendered terms or pronouns. doesnt label their sexuality but does have a wife (er. used to have a wife)

also nb guru (any) but in the other direction. hot take pangender guru. tends to use masculine terms for herself but switches it up every once in a while. i think they're also aroace but again IM aroace so maybe im just projecting. either all or nothing w it i think either pan or aroace /hj but hes probably the one ive thought the least abt

and a bonus round of just me speedrunning other chars and not explaining

raleigh is transmasc and transphobic and also gay and homophobic

muggshot is a closeted gay w a lot of internalized homophobia

i think mz ruby is a lesbian

youve heard my opinion on panda king

clockwerk stopped thinking about it after version 2 i dont think they care

youve heard my opinion on dimitri

rajan. cishet i think. probably not intolerant but not an ally just indifferent yknow

contessa. aroace i think. married her husband for money and money alone. cis i think?????? but i could also see her as transfem

jean bison is a homophobe and i just think that's canon

we dont see enough of arpeggio for me to get a good read on him but based on like the way he talks alone i think hes cis and gay but i can also see him as transmasc whoops

neyla i think just doesnt care. aroace and agender made one choice and it was No but is not above flirting/whatever to get what she wants

octavio is either gay or homophobic w no inbetween

also fun fact i think bentley figures herself out as trans tm between sly 2 and 3

anyway what's the 2nd villain

Oh

the mask of dark earth is. end sentence

ok uhhh 3 is the black baron that's just Penelope boymoding /hj

TSAO

homophobic a transphobe AND a misogynist

dont ask how much trouble i had spelling misogynist

id call him a terf but hes not a feminist of ANY kind thank you

lefwee is a pirate and that's pretty gay in general. pansexual. the most accepting villain of the bunch /hj again

dr m is again either homophobic or gay w no inbetween. probably a transphobe tho

using that tag a lot

update apparently the species of bird that he is only the females are red w black beaks so hes also trans heart emoji

"cooper?? no you must be the coopers daughter!" "yyyyyyyyyeah about that" <- real conversation between him and sly /j

you get exactly 5 comments on 4 bc i know exactly 5 new characters

el jefe is a homophobe i think

rioichi is cishet but an ally

toothpick is gay sorry not sorry

tennessee is a trans man and i will die on this hill

le paradox. is a terf i think. ive met him exactly once and know little to nothing about him but just based on Vibes

[crybaby-bkg]

Hello!!! I saw from one of your asks that it was your birthday!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY :D as a humble gift, here’s some bakugo thoughts on it ! In bullet point style

First things first, it’s your birthday? I think you mean to say it’s katsuki’s second favorite holiday (the first is obvi y’all’s anniversary)

Okay so I K n o w so many people are on the “bakugo constantly grumpy but he still cares” train, and don’t worry I am too HOWEVER

this man is obsessed with you. Plain and simple. So on YOUR day??? Mans is ten time more attentive, openly affectionate, it’s c r a z y

I have a personal hc that even if you don’t celebrate like, a birthday weekend thing? He does. So the few days before your birthday? He’s putting random little gifts on your bed, new or refills of skincare or makeup on your vanity/in the bathroom, sending flowers to work, etc.

So the birthday comes, you’re waking up to- calm, all things considered

No hurried encouragements of “get up!!“ so you can get to the mass event he has planned

Nope, what bakugo thinks will do you good, is relaxing ! With him ! Mister “I took a day off for this, obviously”

So sleeping in, waking up with him still in bed (a rarity ! With his work life), he does eventually haul you out of bed probably, but with a lotta sweetness !

He’s probably gonna make breakfast then, or brunch depending on the time, and yes he does sit your ass down on the counter. No you cannot help, yes he does as you to taste things just so he has an excuse to kiss you

Also not to be spicy but the view has gotta be spectacular- grey sweatpants! Prolly either a tank top or no shirt! Woo!!

I fear this is getting too long SO to speedrun, obviously he gets your fantastic gifts, possibly a big one being reservations/tickets to a trip in a different country! You can have him all to yourself for a few days!!

Other gifts also happen, because as his S/O it’s his j o b to spoil you senseless

I think he’s a jewlery fan, and I saw a mini fic once (I don’t remember if it was you or not :( sorry) where he gets you jewlery that matches his EYES????? Clawing at the ground I love it

But yes !!! In short, happy birthday! Bakugo adores you! Thank you for being here!! Stay hydrated! Woo!

(Bakugo prolly takes you to see the Barbie movie askfjshxhsj)

Im so so sorry that’s horribly long

ohhhh my god this is my favorite thing EVER!!!!! are you in my head???? bc the way I had this all mapped out in my head is CRAZY ajskdjdj

BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!!!! I was on go literally all day, but in my head I was like Bakugou would NOT rush me lmfao this was such a comforting read and I love it so much!!!! I’m gonna hold this near and dear to my heart forever 😌 thank you so much again!!!!

[randomsufff]

This is REALLY FUCKING LONG so hope y’all enjoy lmao. (Sorry if formatting looks weird- blame tumblr)

OK HERE WE GO PEOPLE- I will start by saying I don’t hate The Quarry. I like it very very much, but I think that it could be BETTER. Speedrun what I find lacking in the game.

1. There’s literally no ending

2. Some characters having no personality (looks at Abi and Nick)

3. Honestly they don’t feel like friends/ people who’ve worked with kids for a summer

4. They move from area to area with little reward/ purpose in the end. (Looks at Junkyard scene- like wtf was that for)

5. Also- some choices just- don’t make sense (looks at Dylan cutting off his whole ass hand with a old ass chainsaw/ fucking gun and doesn’t immediately die from blood loss/ has no worry about possible infection afterwards.)

Listen- I get that it’s supposed to be like a cheesy slasher film (“that what the VCR box covers are for” I KNOW) but I really did not get that feeling AT ALL when playing. It just felt like bad writing at times.

SO! Here’s my version: The Quarry starts off like a cheesy slasher film (beginning of the game is mostly the same- Max and Laura’s little horror movie moment, wanting to stay a day longer bc of Emma, cheesy fire pit scene…)- with all the characters playing up a certain archetype ( Emma- “popular girl”, Jacob- “stupid jock”, Nick- “try hard nice guy”, Abi- “quite nerd”. Kaitlyn- “headstrong leader”, Dylan- “comic relief”, Ryan- “brooding loner”) to 1000%, to the point where it’s almost cringe worthy. (If you can’t predict whatever stupid ass line they’re gonna say next- I don’t want it.) BUT THEN- as the night goes on they gain more depth and shit. Idk this can tie into a parallel/metaphor of the werewolf where these teens are changing into people they’re not- becoming a monstrous version of themselves in their eyes??? Idk I’m spitballing, don’t think about it too deeply.

The Hag of Hacketts Quarry will play a bigger part in the actual story- wanting revenge against the Hacketts and supernaturally influencing the teens and the wolves to try and kill all the Hacketts. The Hacketts ARE NOT ASSHOLES FOR NO REASON- they are a normal family (who treats Ryan like family too) who are trying their best to fix the mess they made, in the worst way possible. This way- the player can morally struggle if they decide to end the Hackett family bloodline.

(Beware- it is truly so long beneath this read more- I sincerely thought about just putting a link to somewhere you can read this but thought that was too much effort for everyone involved. Have fun :D)

I went really in-depth in my jumbled notes, including what different choices would look like, but I’ll follow my “Best Ending” Route bc it’s the one that gives everyone a chance to shine.

DA CHARACTERS AND THEIR ARCS:

- Dylans pretty fine as is. Add that he feels like a liar to Ryan and can’t truly date him cause he’s been putting on a persona all summer. Overcompensates with humor

- Kaitlyn- very confident in who she is (anyone who’s that good with a gun automatically is lol)- but also has bad anxiety attacks or something. Like she’s very go with the flow and know what she’s about but if she thinks about her life and future too long that’s when she starts to spiral. A true “try to casually dismiss all the problems in my life” kinda gal. (Same bestie)

- Jacob: similar to original but needs to play up his heart more, shows he really cares for his friends. Have him be very sacrificial. He’ll act like a stereotypical bro jock at first but he’ll reveal his true himbo nature later on. He acts goofy bc it makes people/the kids laugh the most but feels like maybe he’s too annoying at times/ pushes it too far.

- Emma: A pretty big influencer, convincing Hackett that a “day to day” vlog about the camp and councilors will help bring popularity/ positively impact reputation. Have her constantly blogging and preforming for the camera. Arc will be her hating that and wanting to quit but not wanting to let people down.

- Abi: Needs more personality in general. Have her go from reserved and walk overy to self confident and brave. Have her be crafty and smart (picking locks, putting together the truth?, getting out of situations cleverly).

- Fucking Nick: needs the most work of all. Why tf is he British? That’s his only personality bro. He feels like he needs to conform, his accent makes him feel like he stands out too much and people secretly make fun of him. All the other councilors have been working together for years, but he’s just joined the team this summer so he feels extra out of place. He’s a try hard, sucking up to Jacob a lot- he doesn’t need to tho, Jacob likes him as a friend/ as he is.

- Ryan just needs to either get over denial faster or make it very obvious he’s in denial and have others call him out. Main problem people had with him was he was kinda on Chris’ side, was defending them/he looked sus as hell. Highlight his relationship with the Hacketts more. Show that he’s like family to them. Also should show people look to him as their natural leader- have the others respect him more. Have him seem aloof because he didn’t really know how to interact with others, and sometimes the feelings don’t feelings so he can’t communicate/ emote his emotions that well. Would rather be seen as brooding and mysterious then incompetent at emotion.

Ok Major Backstory changes that the story revolves around-

- THE HAG HAS A BIGGER INVOLVEMENT. Basically everything’s gone to shit cause of her/ her want of revenge. Thought tonight is the perfect opportunity (all the teens there- scare them into killing Hacketts/ send Turned wolfs after Hacketts)

- Chris’ kids were being kept in the electric cages in the basement (for reasons explained later). The Hag caused a power outage that night so that’s how they escaped into the wild.

- Play up an unexplained anger towards the Hacketts/ Chris when things go to shit (it’s the Hags influence in an effort to make them kill the Hacketts)

- Only the brothers (cousins? I forgot what they were) go after the councilors, and there’s not a single thought behind those eyes so thought it was best to kidnap and hide the teens until dangers over to not risk them knowing the Truth TM.

- Ryan can only romance Dylan- sorry Kaitlyn but there was 0 chemistry/ scenes in the original so… (Also that stupid “thing” between Lauren and Ryan doesn’t exist cause it’s so pointless.)

Story lets go:

Beginning will stay mostly the same- again, play up archetypes and makes super cheesy. Jacob will take the car piece/ cut fuel line because he wants to “hang with Emma one more night” (Or so he says). Have Ryan step up after Chris leaves and be more instant that they stay in the cabin and the player can choose wether they do or don’t. (If they stay inside no one can get bit.)

Sine we’re going best ending- everyone stays inside. Just move fire pit scene to a fireplace setting. Emma and Jacob still get snacks/ gun after approval from Ryan and a promise to stick together. Have everyone play up their respective archetypes more/ longer and establish relationship dynamics. The power goes out (cause of the Hag) and the campers decide to crowd around the fireplace.

Fire place is where real personalities start to show. HIGHLIGHT HOW THEY ARE ALL FRIENDS. I mean ffs they worked with kids with each other for a whole summer (and have worked with each other previous summers), they should interact more comfortably with each other. They can talk about their summer with the campers and stupid horror stories of working with little kids during summer. Can acknowledge how they self censor themselves unconsciously etc. Have that be a set up for whatever ridiculous swears they say.

Etc etc, truth or dare- Kiss Dylan/ Kaitlyn will impact how much Ryan like Dylan back (along with how many flirty dialogue was picked). Emma and Nick- both will look hesitant but will both go through with the kiss dare (Emma being super showy about it and filming it while Nick doesn’t want to be called a coward). No one runs off cause that stupid and who tf runs off into the dark forest bc your crush kissed someone else 💀. Just show Jacob being sad and Abi also being sad but also kinda accepting her fate cause she didn’t think she was good enough for Nick anyways. Cue Awkward Tension that Dylan breaks with a joke. Emma then dare Abi to, idk, move everything in Hacketts office over by an inch. Nick volunteers to help (cause he saw how sad/ understanding she looked and wanted to talk) and they head off. Jacob says he’s gonna take a breather but Emma knows what’s up and follows him eventually.

Nick and Abi have conversation/ interaction similar to original game in Hacketts office. (“Ha, so are we actually gonna move everything?” “Let’s just move his stapler and wait for a few minutes ha, I’m not moving everything.” *Then they talk or whatever*)

Meanwhile Emma meets up with Jacob- she complains a bit or whatever and asks why Jacobs so bothered since they’re not together anymore. Reveal that Jacob never got a straight answer as to why, other then a vague “long distance won’t work”, and asks if she even truly liked him in the first place or if he actually was some summer fling. Emma will look hesitant but then BOOM GUNSHOTS ARE HEARD NEARBY (it’s the brothers trying to tranc at a werwolf trying to get in the cabin).

Everyone obviously gets concerned. They can hear scratching, whatever, more gunshot, essentially near their window. The brothers come knocking on the door, and that’s when shit goes down, everyone has to hide and run away. Would be a hold breath situation that you can fail or win as they break into the cabin. If win, Jacob will decide to eventually self sacrifice cause the brothers were close to Dylan and Abi or something. Shouts and runs out causing the brothers to follow him. After they leave Dylan says they should get help via the radio shack. Emma, Abi and Nick go to find Jacob (Nick has the gun) Dylan, Kaitlyn and Ryan go to shack after taking Chris gun.

Emma, Nick and Abi find Jacob caught in a trap yelling, the brothers putting blood on face. If Jacob took the car piece, it’ll be lost as he’s trashing around. They can eavesdrop to what they are saying into walkie talkie to gain some context early on or attack straight out. Attack sequence. Abi and Nick will team up against two hunters while Emma gets Jacob out. The hunters aren’t trying to kill them so they’re like, trying to knock the teens out at best. Cue Abi and Nick fighting for their lives lmao. Emma will get Jacob out, and you can fail the fight resulting in Nick and Abi getting captured. However, best case scenario, you pass the quick time events and everyone will run as soon as Jacobs free. Will head to the radio shack.

Jacob and Emma will hang back and try to pick up the convo they started in the cabin on way to radio shack. Maybe start to dive into the problem of Emma’s want to not disappoint her fans and how that’s affected how she acts with Jacob. Abi and Nick will also talking. Idk maybe they’ll try to compare themselves to Emma and Jacob. Like the Nick will feel like how he doesn’t fit in/ not as outgoing as Jacob, Abi feeling the same about Emma. Everyone will eventually group together together to speculate wtf is happening.

Meanwhile- Kaitlyn will hover a good distance ahead of Dylan and Ryan cause she knows what’s up with them. Says it’s to protect their sorry asses since she’s the best with a gun but is really wingmaning for Dylan lol. The conversation bw Ryan and Dylan being the same as in game cause that was cute. At shacks, everything’s mostly same with Kaitlyn hanging by the door to be on watch (she will also provide biting commentary when Dylan does his famous SOS speech etc.

K- “Wow I can’t believe I’m the only one in possession of a brain cell here.”

D-“Hey- You we’re supposed to hand over custody of it hours ago”

K-“well clearly you’ve failed to pick it up at the specified time so I’m keeping it for the weeken-“

R-“Holy shit guys can we focus on not dying rn please”)

Dylan won’t ask to amputate arm bc that so stupid and unrealistic without proper medical equipment. He will be bit if opened door in first chapter with Abi, no choice to cut off arm/ stop effects. But in Best RouteTM Abi doesn’t opens the door. Continue as usual with the second group arriving, hiding in the cabin and attracting the wolf, and Dylan chasing it away with radio frequency. The group meets up, (Could include Emma’s air freshener/mace scene with Dylan when he opens the cabin door bc that shit was funny) and hears Lauren injuring the daughter. (Ok I thought long an hard about it but I think the player should have the opportunity to save all the Hacketts. I can’t make it possible to save everyone but one- it’s not very rewarding. SO INSTEAD- she only injured the daughter but thinks she killed Chris because 1) she couldn’t get close to the body to verify with all the councilors immediately rushing onto the scene and 2) thought that just shooting a silver bullet would do the trick and didn’t think much about aiming for the head/ heart- so she just got her in like the leg). The teens will see this Thing passed out by the water- that’s clearly not a bear- and freak tf out. The immediately hide in the swimming pool area. The daughter wolf will be heard retreating bc she’s got this bullet scorching her from the inside in her leg and is weak from the water puddles near the pool.

Ok here Jacob will confess to messing with the car. Bc that didn’t get talk about at all in game. Everyone will be outraged of course. Emma will be like wtf are you serious rn. Jacob defends himself like “I just wanted to talk- I felt like we wouldn’t get another chance- I just wanted tonight to be fun I literally had no idea this was gonna happen.” Admit he lost the piece if he took it. Eventually Ryan says he forgives him. Some people (Emma? Abi?) can be like wtf but Kaitlyn will chime in and agree like- “it’s in the past, there’s literally nothing we can do. If werwolves weren’t a thing this probably would have been the best night ever, just hanging with you all one last time.” Everyone will reflect on that- Jacob will look grateful. Ryan will agree like, “we need to keep our heads on straight anyways- Kaitlyn is 100% right- it’s in the past. Lets focus on what to do next/ how to survive”

(If either Abi, Nick got bit - here would be a transformation/ shooting scene, similar to the original, but since this is the Best Route and no one’s bit we shall move on)

Nervous breakdowns time (yay) especially from Ryan. He keeps trying to keep the situation under control and downplay/ logic his way out through increasingly ludicrous excuses. Dylan will call him out/ calm him down (though this can be done by Kaitlyn if Dylan’s romance points are low). Big Time will pass with them trying to think of what to do and passing back and forth information/ evidence player has collected when Laura knocks. They’ll move to main room to crowd around door. Continue as game. Have Ryan act more leader-ly with the others huddling together behind Jacob, and Kaitlyn (who still have both guns bc it’s stupid how one of them gets lost in the original game) who are on either side of Ryan. Continue as usual as Laura explains where she’s been.

Everything there’s the same. Backstory wasn’t wasn’t awful in my opinion. Travis asks for help, she agrees yadda yadda. HOWEVER- I think his reasoning for her helping him was a bit shit tho. So- he’s kept her there to watch her boyfriend turn to convince her that helping him will save Max (Bigger chance of finding them, if only slightly though he’ll take any help at this point). She’ll agree bc it’s canon she’ll do anything to save Max. Hell, LET TRAVIS ACTUALLY BRING HER HIS FINDINGS AND PLAN SHIT WITH HER (but he doesn’t tell her everything- just enough info to plan to kill Silas). They’ll work as a ACTUAL TEAM and wait till the next full moon. Time skip a month, plan is Laura and Travis will split up trying to find the wolf in the woods. Laura brings Max cause she doesn’t want him locked up alone/ doesn’t fully trust Travis to not pull some shit. Understands Silas has an attachment to that burnt circus and focuses there before spreading out. Boom power outage happens, Travis gets called to house. Laura goes on to “kill” the daughter thinking it’s Chris, yadda yadda, visit island, etc. She’ll note Max escaped (because be fr no way a werwolf is bested by a fucking locked trapped door when he can just burst through the roof or something) and gets chased off the island similar to Emma in the original (QTE and all). NOTE: There will be another wolf who joins the chase near the end (Spoiler alert- it’s Chris cause he knew he wouldn’t be able to make it to the cages in time) If she fails enough QTE she has her werewolf bite, but again- Perfect Route so that doesn’t exist and her eye will forever be fucked (Kinda cheep for them to give her this gruesome injury only to magic it away :/).

Present day. Cue pissed off everyone about how Chris/ the Hacketts willingly put them and LITTLE KIDS in danger. Play up that unexplained anger in everyone, though Ryan’s is a bit more low-key. Laura learns of the power outage, that the thing she shot wasn’t dead - and says “welp I don’t have time for this I’m off to hunt Chris’s ass down for real this time.” Have Ryan intervene and convinces her to let him talk to the Hacketts to properly explain what tf is happening. Again, the Hacketts are not assholes cause that’s cheap. Really have Ryan drive home that he thinks of them like family and Vice versa. (Cause like Chris cares for him, he’s on good standing with his kids, if the parents/brothers lives on campus why isn’t he good with them too???) Have Ryan pled with her to not harm the Hacketts. That he’ll help her hunt down Silas (They all will- everyone volunteers) and their best bet is gathering all the info from the source. Offers to take her to the Hacketts residence so they can hear the explanation together (half because he doesn’t trust her not to go off by herself and kill Chris). Laura agrees cause they might also have an idea where Chis is, but is willing to at least hear what they have to say. Meanwhile Emma, Jacob, Abi and Nick will head back to camp while Dylan and Kat go to find a car part to replace. Kaitlyn will say only her and Dylan will go bc it has less a chance of someone else getting hurt and really what’s one more person gonna help against a friking werwolf. Ryan agrees and everyone splits off, each group having a gun for protection.

IN THE CABIN:

The gang will hole up in Chris’s office bc staying in the cellar is useless and scary.

Nick and Abi will hang by the bedroom/ be elsewhere while Emma and Jacob finally get the the root of their problems in the main room. Similar to Abi and Emma’s convo in the original, perhaps Emma is trying and failing to maintain her persona as she’s record everything for evidence/ diary log sake. Jacob will ask why she’s still pandering to an audience. He says that he felt like he rarely spent time with the real her. Emma has her heart to heart where she feels like it’s all she has- how she understands it’s why their relationship was so strained in the first place but couldn’t break free from her following that easily. She broke up with him not cause of lack of wanting to make long distance work or lack of love but because she felt like he didn’t deserve to date someone like her: their entire relationship being founded and so tightly integrated with this fake personality she’s created. Like said before- she hates it and what it’s done to her life but it feels like a switch she can’t turn off sometimes and the guilt of letting down people who constantly praise her for being a source of happiness and entertainment is enough to stop her from attempting to fix that. Jacob listens and understands- he felt at times he was putting on a tough/goffy act like she does. Cause it makes people smile the most. That he’s not sure if his everyone even likes him all that much or if he’s too annoying. Plus he feels responsible and super guilty for everyone being stuck here.

Abi and Nick will then interrupt saying they’ve heard enough - having eavesdropped on the whole convo.

Abi and Nick will say theirs heart to hearts to those two. Abi starts by saying that Emma has no reason to fear everyone being disappointed in her because she’s awesome the way she is. Emma never really played up the part around Abi that much since she doesn’t like the camera/is camera shy so she know how Emma really acts (which isn’t that different from the persona she plays. Her friendliness and her kindness of reaching out to anyone not included is very much there) . Claims that the true followers don’t like her for the drama she creates but the kindness and affection she has towards her friends and the kids. Goes on to complement her and her people skills. She understands her following is important to her but tells her that she really has no reason to be afraid to reveal her true self since she’s already so great, that the people who really love her content will stick around.

Nick could bring up the kiss dare between him and Emma- how unhappy she looked after. Say that he held his tongue bc he felt like he didn’t have the right to say anything since he’s not THAT close with her- but now says that he see how taxing performing all the time is on her- and how she deserves to be able to do whatever she wants.

THEN he rears to Jacob to say AND YOU WDYM YOURE TOO ANNOYING??? YOU LITERALLY SACRIFICED YOURSELF FOR EVERYONE WDYM YOU THINK EVERYONE HATES YOU? He reassures that while he was really PISSED at him for messing with the car- before everything turned to shit it WAS a fun night and it honestly Chris’s fault for hosting a fucking kids camp while being a werwolf/ near werwolf ground. He goes on to say his insecurities- that Jacob is the only guy to make him feel included. That he was the one who constantly reached out to Nick when Nick felt outcasted because he’s a new counselor and his accent (idk kids would probably mildly make fun of that shit and he’s been mocked in the past so not good combo ig) Jacobs his roll model- and perhaps he’s been trying a little too hard to fit in but he wants to be liked in the same way everyone likes Jacob.

Abi agrees and says how Jacob would always reach out to her and Ryan (two of the more shyer members of the group) whenever they did something. It pushed her out of her comfort zone but it was honestly what she needed- otherwise she wouldn’t have been as close with/ even talked to the others now. Goes on to say he was a good person who helped whoever needed it- counseled or kid.

THEN A WERWOLF HOWLES IN THE DISTANCE (or wherever the fuck they do). They’re safe but that spurs them to try and piece together everything so far. Mayhaps depending on how many clues the player finds affects if they can piece together the Hag’s revenge / can actually come up with a plan or not?

MEANWHILE- Dylan and Kaitlyn go to the junkyard to look for the part. They ALSO have a good heart to heart. Kaitlyn sees Dylan STRUGGLING IN THE TRENCHES with Ryan. Dylan thinks Kaitlyn likes Ryan cause of her little “dark brooding and mysterious joke” and tries to ask her opinion on the other councilors (But he really wants to know about her opinion on Ryan). She sees right through that shit but still messes with him- (this can 100% be a player choice to either keep going to another camper or just say “like Ryan?” lmao) like “Oh Emma? She funny as fuck and always so kind despite her popular bitch online persona. Jacob? a himbo (he’s trying), I’m jealous of Abis drawing talent like wtf, Nicks super chill and he was a riot with the kids (lmao do you know how many kids had crushes on him?)”.

Eventually Dylan will be like “don’t make me say it”- Bla bla banter- “so……. do you like Ryan??? Plz stop laughing I need to know, Kaitlyn this isn’t funny” and Kaitlyn just laughing her ass off like “boi im aroace” (ok maybe this is me projecting) but she can just say “I was JOKING LMAO IM NOT INTO HIM” and Dylan will be like“……..ok- but like what about that Laura girl do you think he’s into her? He’s probably into her right? I mean she’s so badass and she very competent which I am totally NOT so-“ and Kaitlyn will turn to him and dead-pan say “ you dumb bitch first of all she’s taken- she’s literally hunting down werewolf’s BECAUSE of her boyfriend what makes you think she’ll let Ryan’s skinny ass make a move on her?”

Romance point level will effect Kaitlyns advice. With a high amount she’ll say “plus he’s totally into you.” Cue spluttering from Dylan and lame excuses (wow this is really rom-comy) and she’s like upupupup. Now if Ryan kissed Dylan she can bring that up but if he kissed Kaitlyn then she can comment how disappointed he looked at himself. She’ll be like- “he’s so into you- I mean, I overheard you telling him about your nerdy alter ego back when we were heading for the radio. You had a total Rom-Com moment“ *cue more spluttering from Dylan* Kaitlyn will laugh but then she’ll be like “ok but seriously- that guy is really into you man. He talks more around you then anyone else- he seems interested whenever you talk- hell! You even told him about you’re nerdy science side and he was not fazed.“

“Yeah but what if he was only pretending? What if he was only interested in DJ Dylan *cue stupid hand gesture* ? I really don’t think I could handle a rejection like that for… no that’s it. I can’t handle rejection full stop.” (Insert more self deprecating things here about a feeling of fake confidence and such whenever he interact with Ryan because he can’t handle him not liking how he truly is)

“well fuck that man- I mean we’re still teens right? Listen- I know what it’s like, to be afraid of the future ok?” Kaitlyn will then go on to say how she used to meticulously worry about her future, whether she’d be able to survive the “adult world” on her own. Was constantly trying to plan for the future that she didn’t realize she was wasting her present. And it didn’t even matter anyways because it’s impossible to plan for the future. She was only supposed to be a sub councilor to cover for Jacob for a few weeks but seeing how carefree and happy Dylan, the kids, just everyone was made her realize how uptight she was about being constantly prepared for anything. She’s still afraid of what the future will hold of cause but she won’t superficial things stop what she wants to do now,- “just like I won’t let your fear of possible rejection stop you from AT LEAST shooting your shot. Like being rejected right now, would not even be close to the top worse things that have happened tonight. We’ve quite literally almost died like three times and counting and found out that werewolves are real.“ She then goes on to complement Dylan’s smarts and humor, his instinct to cheer up anyone who needs it. (“Would you honestly want to date someone you can’t be yourself around? If he doesn’t like “Dylan Dylan” that’s on HIM not YOU.”) Goes on to say that Ryan should be so LUCKY as to date a dude like him and-

“In fact… I want you to promise me. Pinky promise me you’ll ask him out at the end of this nightmare.” And Dylan will be like “lol if we survive” she’ll be like *dead pan stare* “all the more reason to survive right?” And Dylan’s like. Fuck she’s right- and Is lowkey inspired to go ask him out rn- but there is a time and a place and when better to drop a bombshell like a crush then at the end of a traumatic experience such as this- the movies always do it… so he promises- yay. (Can actually choose wether or not to confess to Ryan at the end) They continue looking for the car piece and can actually acquire it if they survive all QuickTime events and Dylan’s not bit. (Cause them not getting anything is stupid af.)

MEANWHILE MEANWHILE Ryan and Laura. Same as usual- except he will actually say something about Dylan and not his stupid ass dismissive response. No flirting bw the two of them, that was also stupid af. Ryan could quickly confess how he’s not been the best with emotions/ has never been in a relationship so he has no idea what to feel/do with Dylan. Laura can give him some advice and tell him how she feels when she’s around Max (He makes me laugh, we support each other through tough times, I tell him my fears and he understands and makes me feel safe/valid, etc.) Little oh moment for Ryan there. They show up in the room and the Hackets are merely mildly arguing about Chris and the kids running around. Travis notices Ryan and Lauren and is like tf????? Why? How tf did you get here? Ryan’s like- we fell through a hole 😔. Anyways Ryan asks for clarification- lowkey breaking down about the situation. The Hacketts are like fuckkkkk- yeah sorry man and comfort him.

EXPLANATION TIME. Travis would turn to Laura and be like- I didn’t tell you everything bc I didn’t fully trust you wouldn’t just kill my brother and she’s like “😬 yeah… I understand man” Anyways. So backstory’s mainly the same. Daughter and son free Silas-etc. THE HAG HAUNTS THEM. She wants them DEAD. Eventually learned of how to end it all - gotta kill Salis. Hunt begins with everyone gathering on full moon to try and find them. Chris and kids were kept at jail with silver painted walls at first to contain them. However couldn’t be a permanent since they were slowly building a tolerance to the silver paint and could break out. Planning to use the island, but needed to prepare it to make it totally isolated. Months ago- Travis suddenly suggested they store the others in the electric cages- in case the bars fail them now. (really he kidnapped Max and Lauren and we’re keeping them in the cells so he needed an excuse to place Chris and co. elsewhere) Says more people can keep an eye on them- they can tranq em or whatever if they get too rowdy- etc. they agree- it works and the werewolves seem to almost recognize the Hacketts- inspiring them to hold them in the cages again the next full moon (aka today). However- power outage happened and they escaped while everyone else was preparing/hunting. Mother and Father can’t leave the house (cause they old and be in the most in danger) called back Travis to protect them- sent the brothers after the kids. Again- there’s not a single though behind those eyes and they though that just kidnapping them/ covering them in blood without telling them what’s actually happening will protect them from idk the government? Preventing the information that werewolf’s exists from escaping and their involvement? They were arguing about fully telling the councilors or not since Travis already told Laura stuff and where Chris could be cause he’s not there.

Ok so NOW- Laura becomes like- progressively upset? Like tell me why tf would you endanger kids like that- why would you endanger US LIKE THAT? and like she be pointing the gun and shit- and maybe the Hag can be seen in like the corner just- lurking. And as Ryan you can intervene or not. If does he takes the gun from her and no one dies. The lights flicker (implied the hag is mad they didn’t kill a Hackett ). They then hear werewolves enter/attack the house. Travis mentions there are powerful tranqs/tranq guns in this storage esc room- tells them to get em and don’t kill any wolf that isn’t white cause that’ll be someone they know. Tranqs won’t last long so Travis will try to get the parents out of the house, suggests they do the same after they get the tranqs. They all split up. Depending on how many people turned will determine how many wolves are in the house. In this Route- it’s only Silas, the daughter and the son.

Cue quick time events, getting to the room, getting the gun, the daughter chasing them halfway through. Laura will get attacked, Ryan will pick up her shotgun and aim it- do the aim thing, make it like super quick- supposed to not do anything and he’ll be like- oh shit wrong gun and get out the tranq, and quick time events to shoot? After Ryan and Laura get the gun they go can head back in to save the others or leave.

Leaving will kill the Hacketts/ led to Ryan heading back to the cabin to wait it out with everyone else while Laura goes off to kill Chris (she figures he’s the second wolf on the island- will quickly add this route leads to the of shooting one of the two werewolves, Wolf!Max or Wolf!Chris Al la DBH style, being able to tell who to shoot via wolf’s body language/ one of the wolves recognizing her and seemingly holding back).

Travis and the brothers will be mildly injured, point the kids to other room where last saw parents, son is about to attack the mom, quick aim thing where have to shoot tranq before dad kills the son. SALIS STALKS OUT THE SHADOWS. He’s 1 v 7 so he tries to make a break for it, Laura shoots and hits his leg before it leaps out the window. Boom all Hackets saved, Hag is PISSED next time you see her.

Decide it’s best to stick together bc horror movies always get that wrong. Travis tells kids he’ll escort them back to cabin where they will hunker down till morning- it’s too dangerous to go hunting for Salis now with this many loose wolfs. Laura’s like fuck that I’m not abandoning my boyfriend- we’re killing this mf tonight or I go after Chris myself. (Present same island logic as other route). Mans is like ok- well- if we’re gonna do this we’ll need to involve everyone then- more manpower the better. So go off to cabin to plan, driving everyone in Travis’ car to get there fast.

Back at cabin they realize the connection bw Hag and Salis and how she prolly wants revenge. Cue someone being like, “yeah I was like unnaturally murderous towards Chris all night, for some reason.” And everyone’s like “you too?” Travis and co. arrive. Dylan will hug Ryan in relief- cue Kaitlyn and Laura winking it up. Talking bla bla, planning bla bla. Cabin group says their Hag/ Silas theory- Travis tells them about the daughter and sons involvement in the fire, Abi puts together maybe she wants revenge, Ryan chimes in saying they literally got attacked by all the wolves like 5 minutes ago. Decide to use Hacketts in open area as bait in to lure Salis out. Everyone else will try to tranquilize the other wolfs like last time/ lure them away in time to get Sailis alone and kill him. If got the car piece the car will be available to assist.

Boom- huge fighting/ hiding sequence. Takes place in a huge clearing surrounded by woods. Starts with Travis and parents calling out and mocking the Hag and Salis. (If councilors turned they appear here in wolf form along with Silas). Silas, the daughter and the son appear. Normal wolves appear as like allies/ backup💀. Pairs attracts attention and gets chased by regular wolfs while Laura and Kaitlyn try to kill Silas/ deal with the family. (cause they’re the best shots)

Three tranq guns- one for each other pair. The pairs being Emma/Dylan, Abi/Jacob, Ryan/Nick. ??? Idk we need the others interacting with each other.

(Emma Dylan have a sassy duo vibe. Abi exasperated by Jacobs simpleness but still appreciate his confidence and presence. Ryan and Nick are unusual besties. Know about others respective crushes and talk about them. Dylan’s romance point changes Ryan��s dialogue (“Yeah he’s so *dies in vague flailing hand gestures* ”- or “idk after tonight idt I can handle dating someone rn”))

BOOM shit goes down, the wolves appear. Starting from one duo- after running and fighting, go to next duo and switch to their pov. Lots of QTE. Have everyone interacting together as a group/ with others. Idk at least helping each other off ground/ protecting them in battle as group grows.

Meanwhile- Kaitlyn and Laura fighting for their lives against son, daughter and Silas. Travis police car will be used here to help protect the Hacketts from danger, while fixed van is used to drive out of range from attacks/ provides extra protection. Epic battle, saving Travis and parents from attacks. Brothers and parents in charge of tranqing the son and daughter. Travis body slams Silas with the fixed car, Laura shoots to immobilize him and Kaitlyn makes the final shot. Boom everyone’s saved.

Ends with everyone making it to the clearing as Kaitlyn makes final shot, Hag screams etc. Group hug with councilors, all crying with relief night is over

Actual Ending scene yay. Begins with Laura and Travis finding Max and Travis in the island. Emotional reunion with Laura and Max, her fretting over his appearance and health, Vice versa while Travis and Chris do that sibling nod. Though once Travis mentions it’s over- like truly, fully over, they hug too. Honestly, include something acknowledging the shit Travis has done/ gone through to cover his family’s asses. After they part sees Laura staring him down. Chris will then recognize Lauren and Max and start profusely apologizing, saying how he truly never meant for any of this to happen and how sorry he is for knowingly putting a lot of people in danger. Laura says she can’t speak for everyone but she won’t/can’t forgive or forget but she understands his desperation to fix things to make his loved ones back to normal. They all head back to the cabin .

Everyone else/ survivors waiting on cabin porch as sun comes up.

Dylan and Ryan pair off (Kaitlyn and Nick giving thumbs up then looking at each other like YOU??! Knew too????) Cue confession scene from Dylan- could ask for number properly (haha rule of threes). Ryan will then confess his character thing about not properly knowing what he’s feeling towards Dylan, has never really been in a relationship before, isn’t the best at showing or processing his emotions etc etc. but likes the idea of being in one with Dylan (aw- cut to Dylan being flustered as fuck as he really didn’t expect this lmao). Interaction end with Ryan offering to share his earbuds with Dylan. (“So… I’m surprised you’ve managed to keep your earbuds all night. Been listening to that podcast all night?” “Ha ha. Actually, I kinda forgot these were here. … … want to listen to the Hag episode with me and laugh at what they got wrong?” “Fuck yeah”)

Something bw Nick and Abi? Show with banter that shows a more self confident Abi and Nick. Could either stay friends or pursue the romantic relationship (honestly I can see either being good). Emma and Jacob discuss how they won’t get back together for now but will rebuild their relationship without that block of trying to impress others.

Laura and Max joins the others as Chris is seen talking with his kids and family a ways away. End with all councilors bantering with each other similar to beginning, except dynamics have changed. (Laura introduces Max properly- him and Dylan immediately hit it off- cut to Laura and Ryan rolling their eyes at their shitty puns. Kaitlyn complementing Laura’s gun skills and asking where she’s learned. Jacob congratulating Ryan, was rooting for them the whole time. Nick discussing science shit with Dylan??? Idk really- can make it feel cheesy lol, just make them interact outside of usual pairs) Eventually they all sit down- the exhaustion hitting as the sun starts peaking over the horizon. Someone ( Abi?) goes like “were all going to be traumatized for life from this night… aren’t we.” “Oh for sure” “Cant wait for the nightmares” “at least we have humor to unhealthy cope” as cop cars roll in.

Podcast bit went on too long- was good concept but way too long. Shorten that a lot + better visuals then just a screen. Maybe show the campers all listening to it in various places? Can show a bit about how/where they are outside of camp.

Yayayayayya finished! Holy hell that was a lot hope you enjoyed reading.

[dreamii-yume]

SPOILERSSS for Twisted Wonderland Chapter 6 : 1-16!!!

*rubs hands* aight it wont take long before genshin has me in its gacha hell grasp again, I just barely escaped this time— NOW ITS TIME TO SEE THE BOIS CHAPTER 6 omg— wtf happened last time lol it’s been too long

So, no voice over because of some problems which is understandable but— meh I don’t feel like reading lol So I’m watching otome ayui translations this time, because im that one dumbass student who skipped kanji class and now i cant read without sounding like im five _:(´ཀ`」 ∠): “what up im yume im way passed 19 and i never fucking learned how to read”

Also watching Hanayura Kanon stream for the rest that’s not yet been translated lol Because he’s very good at voice acting for the characters and he’s funny af lol

- OKAY OKAY— WTF HAPPENED EXPLAIN

- Fun fact : I haven’t watched Hercules yet so I legit don’t know what’s about to come lol

- Aw, that’s cute— We called over Ace and Deuce late at night AND THEY REALLY CAME OVER AAAAA

- I forgot how fckin pure their friendship is _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):

- Aight, so we actually have a huge-ass scratch from feral Grim lol That’s just fantastic, isn’t it

- FINALLY— We’re talking about Mickey and the stones my monster cat has been eating with Crowley AAAAA

- “Yeah there’s this bitch called mickey and i took his photo—“

- WE’RE FINALLY TALKING ABOUT THIS. AFTER 6 CHAPTERS.

- Bruh this crystal of blot sounds really dangerous why are we discussing this just now

- Speaking of this crystal, Crowley— you were looking for this crystal in chap one and when we asked you about wtf you’re trying to find you just went— “oH itS NothING.”

- I SUPPOSED ITS NOT NOTHING NOW IS IT

- I didnt see you searching for crystals after every chapter mr. crowley where were you 👁👄👁 dont you think it was weird that you didnt see a single one after like— five blotting incidents

- Oh so its rare i see— BRUH R U SURE ABOUT THAT grim literally found one every single chap LMAO

- Okay okay— see, he may be violent but listen— you aint gonna throw out my fucking cat okay

- Wh— THERE WAS A FESTIVAL!? Im dumb so its not just VDC LOL

- Listen LISTEN— GRIM IS FINE. HOLD UP— NO NEED TO THROW HIM OUT JUST LET ME HAVE ANOTHER LOOK AT HIM

- Aww, Ace and Deuce looked pissed about it too AAAAHH THE TRUE DEFINITION OF THE BOIS

- BRUH NO— ALL THE DORM LEADERS TO GO AND CAPTURE GRIM?? HE’LL DIE

- CROWLEY PLS— WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS, HONEY

- #Grimportectionsquad

- “It’s bout time for them to come” Who?

- FUCKING— CROWLEY STOP SAYING ITS NOTHING— This is why this school is so fucked, you never tell us anything ahead of time _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):

- Aight he left, Ace Deuce hurry help me what you guys got

- He may be a monster but see— the worst he did is eat the whole tuna stack SO PLS HES STILL BABY AND I LOVE HIM

- THATS RIGHT DEUCE MY MAN GRIM CAN DO NO BAD I SWEAR

- HE WOULDNT EVER AGAIN I SWEAR

- Ace ヽ(；▽；)ノ The character development— im so proud of you, son

- THIS IS THE BOISSS— LETS GOOOO

- Fuck this is so beautiful— just me and the bois on our way in the middle of the night to find our MISSING CAT I—

- CROWLEY REALLY DID ASSEMBLE THEM DORM LEADERS AAAAAAA AT THIS HOUR TOO WTF

- BRUH WE CAN TALK

- Kalim Kalim Kalim Vil Vil Vil— Pls we’ve been through so much last chapter ＨＥＬＰ

- Leona…A big fat ｍｏｏｄ honestly lmao

- Ey ey riddle pls— dont make this any more difficult—

- Shut up azul stay where u are all you’ve done is nothing but chaos since you arrive so SHHH

- MALLEUS IS NOT HERE AGAIN LILIA PLS— where is he when we need him the most LOL

- Ortho, your bro where?? Also— SURVIVAL STATUS BRUH—

- YES PLS DONT HURT HIM OMG

- oh i forgot idia lives in his tablet LOL OF COURSE

- Omg he’s in the apple trees still looking scary as shi aaaaaaa pls kitty come home u just had too much catnip

- OH GOD 15m HE’S CLOSE

- “Starting operation” ORTHO WHAT TF

- EY EY EY oh good he’s knocked out sighhh

- Aight I know this has been translated but I can’t help but to look at the original japanese and im just— wtf is RTS and TAS idia i dont understand this advanced gamer otaku language

- But Idia and Ortho really do be speedrunning on who can fucking kick my cat the hardest LOL

- THATS RIGHT IDIA You understand me— Fellow cat lovers unite, Grim is very cute, he can’t do no bad

- …so can i have him back pls—

- Can we just appreciate the fact that these bois are willing to take the risk of getting their heads chopped off by Riddle by doing all this for us??

- If this isnt what you call true friendship then i dont know what this is

- Lol ambrose is going to appear in this festival again and crowley’s prideful ass is QUAKING

- WHY are we not allowed to see him crowley im sure we can handle it— We’re the BOIS. CMON

- Imagine if they just summon a fcuking— magic vet or something lol

- It’s the next day lol

- HAH ITS THE VDC LOSERS BY ONE VOTE SQUAD

- I mean the NRC Tribe— ٩( ᐛ )و

- VIL. what you have my queen

- Vil pls dont remind me that my cat isnt here but thank you for saying thank you i do not deserve—

- AWW THE ADEUCE SQUAD LOOKS SO SAD AAAAA

- Vil i miss the bad bitch but absolute oneesan energy but the apology— yeah are we gonna cry again lol

- AAAAAAHH why am i so proud— THAT vil is apologizing

- You dont need to maam what we had in chapter 5 was a fucking journey i regret nothing

- I swear if rook goes like— bitch that aint beautiful imma bonk him I WILL DO IT dont think i forgot what u did last chap

- Man i love me a man who can openly admit his mistakes MMMGH

- Rook i swear—

- Im glad that we’re not toning down ace’s brutal honesty lol

- BRUHHH I DONT LIKE IT WHEN VIL US TAKING ALL THE BLAME i mean what he said was kinda true BUT STILL

- Cheer up Vil, it’s not like it’s a complete failure anyways (；ω；) it was fun at least

- Hearing Jamil encourage Vil like this feels surreal BUT YES BOI U TELL EM

- What is this beautiful character development

- Ooff way to hit where it hurts the most vil my queen lol

- AAGH IT HURTS VIL RECOGNIZING NEIGE’S HARDWORK LIKE THIS— THE PRIDE I CAN FEEL IT ＣＲＡＣＫ

- Bruh we appreciate Neige’s impeccable smile in this household— REMEMBER WHEN EVERYONE WAS LIKE NEIGE’S GON BE A BAD BOI??? WELP—

- It was me, i was that person and i shall drown in apple juice for it

- Of course, the ultimate Neige simp already knows that lol

- Bruh the background music has no business being this sad　ｓｔｏｐ

- I hate it when vil is right sometimes omg— TRUEEE KALIM especially wouldn’t be able to stand properly on stage after knowing Neige’s own hardships aaaa

- NOO BABY DONT CRY

- Vil redemption arc??? 👀👀 you can help us cure our cat—

- !? Are we gonna get that money promised in that poster?? 👀👀

- WHAA FUCKING WAHAA VIL IS GONNA PAY THAT US??? THE WHOLE 5 MIL EACH??!! VIL CALM DOWN WHAT I SAID WAS A JOKE

- Damn vil is ＳＴＡＣＫＥＤ He really didnt want to owe anyone anything LMAO YES QUEEN

- WHA— KALIM IS ACCEPTING??? OUT OF EVERYONE HERE, I DID NOT EXPECT YOU TO ACCEPT THAT KALIM

- Kalim is making my heart go boom boom again baby boi ✨👁💧👄💧👁✨✨

- HE’LL DONATE IT TO THE RAMSHACKLE DORM BABY BOIIII

- …sumimasen kalim for having a very rundown dorm 👁💧👄💧👁 but thank you for being nice about it lol

- OKAY OKAY KALIM YOU DONT HAVE TO LIST ALL THE THINGS WRONG IN MY DORM PLS—

- THIS IS EMBARRASSING PLS KALIM IM SORRY FOR BEING POOR

- But this man be such a sunshine holy shit i cant even be mad about it lol

- AW YEAH RAMSHACKLE DORM IS GONNA GET A MAKEOVER

- EVERYONE BE DONATING THEIR MONEY TO US AAAAA Were they always this NICE

- Aight adeuce pls— y’all dont have to force yourself to donate my guys (´；ω；`) being friends is enough lol i get it my bois

- Find me a man who can make me feel like this the way Vil can

- Man if only Grim is here :’) he’d be soo happy :’)) you can have all the tuna you want buddy :’)))

- GRIM PLS ADEUCE IS WILLING TO TREAT YOU TO LUNCH BABY

- Bro this is so wholesome omg

- Im sorry but still up to this day, my understanding of Epel’s accent is still　ｌａｃｋｉｎｇ lmao

- Aight they be talking about how Rook already knew that they were going to lose from the very beginning

- The FORESHADOWING LOL The difference with how Rook said “What a wonderful performance” rather than “What a beautiful performance” sigh

- Honestly we gotta respect Rook’s resolve here lol man just knows what he wants

- Rook and Vil’s friendship lmao

- 👁👄👁 …!?

- EARTHQUAKE WTF How dare you ruin such moment—

- WHAT IS GOING ON

- EY WTF DONT DESTROY MY DORM WTF ARE YOU GUYS

- WHAT ARE THESE ROBOTS OUTSIDERS KILL THEM WITH FIRE

- They look like something that belongs to the Ignihyde dorm HUH

- Oh bruh— Vil in his Dorm Leader mode is so cool AND YES I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE TIME BUT wheww~~ Vil YAS QUEEN

- KALIM TOO AAAAAA JAMIL’S 「はっ！」SO COOL

- so SO— the dorm leader’s have a protocol for outsider attacks like this 👁👄👁 OMG THEY’RE SO HOT

- They don’t seem like our bois anymore aaa just pure professionalism at this point—

- GOD I FORGOT HOW COOL THEY ARE OMG

- HEEEYYY OUR DORM IS GETTING DESTROYED WTF ARE THESE GUYS’ PROBLEM

- We were just talking about renovating it too wtf

- AAAAAHHH HOW DARE YOU— VIL R YOU OK

- Bruh i dont know what is going on but dont touch my man’s face

- They’re targetting Vil and Jamil WHY— overblot men!!??? WHERE ARE YOU— GIVE THEM BACK

- I didnt understand what epel said here lmao BUT—!?

- THEY HAVE GRIM TOO FUCK HE’S BACK LET GO OF MY FUCKING CAT

- WHAT IS GOING ON DARLINGS

- BUDDYY >:’0000 Grimmm MY HEART—

- Are they kidnapping the overblot men?? What— the fucking absolute ｂａｌｌｓ on these robots

- God we’re getting absolutely ｆｕｃｋｅｄ in here

- AND THERE’S A CAULDRON IN THE BACKGROUND LOL DEUCE WENT HAM

- BRING ME BACK MY FUCKING CAT�� >:’0000

- I thought there’s going to be a festival not a fucking kidnapping event HEY

- Oh 👀 Rook pls help

- AAAHH SERIOUS ROOK IS HOT—

- IS THE OTHER DORM LEADERS CHILLING WHERE ARE THEY KALIM PLS BE SAFE

- OH RIDDLE IS NOT ANSWERING THEY GOT HIM TOO

- Oh ghad they got him during clubs WTF HOW—

- *nervous hornii chuckling* …angry expression silver 👁👄👁 im sorry

- AAAA Dorm leaders actually be acting like dorm leaders is soo cool i cant—

- Bruh the story is all chaos what is this chapter

- Are they gonna get Leona and Azul too what—

- RIDDLE BABY Jesus christ dont overblot like this again lol

- DAMN HE STRONG FOR A SMOL BOI THO

- Whoever made these robots wtf is their deal lol TO BE ABLE TO BEAT A DORM LEADER—

- …Bruh where is our horned friend when u need him

- Silver and Sebek theorizing with dorm leaders but they took Jamil tho?? It’s probably the overblot men they’re after

- Also Malleus is probably good so you two calm down lol Lilia’s probs having tea with him right now

- Okay, Leona how are you going to get captured KING.

- Omg everything is getting destroyed wtf

- AW LEONA SAVED RUGGIE THATS CUTE AND COOL AF

- Bruh leona these are material robots— cant you just turn them into sand lol

- Oh they do have some kind of brand cmon just turn them into sand pls

- WHAT THE FUCK

- LEONA-SAN!? WHY ARE YOU GIVING UP— OJI-TAN!!!

- OLD MAN WHAT—

- *hearing leona whisper his reasons ✋ 👁👄👁 🤚 okay sir im sorry

- Damn Leona acting like a real prince right now— it’s kinda hot 👀👀

- BRUH PLS COME BACK DONT TALK LIKE YOU AINT GONNA

- BRO WHERE ARE THE TEACHERS

- THE BOARD GAME CLUB

- Idia : “bro we just chilling be cool— MY CHESS PIECE“

- “Aight ortho what’s the situation” “ｆｕｃｋｅｄ＂

- So Idia of course knows about this— why does he look like he’s so done lmao me getting the feeling this isnt the first time idia has encountered this situation before lol

- Man i want to see azul in action too but mehh— Idia told him to settle down cries

- LOL WHAT IS THIS KARONE ROBOTS

- Wait— are they taking idia too?? OH IS THIS THE DOING OF IDIA’S FAMILY

- WHERE IS CROWLEY— THE TEACHERS, YOUR IMPORTANT STUDENTS ARE GETTING KIDNAPPED

- AH THEY ALSO KNOW ABOUT THESE STYX BITCHES WHAT— and they’re just letting them GO whaaat

- Sounds to me that this must be idia’s family taking care of the overblotting students?? Like to protect Idia or something?? I DONT—

- “Gather all the dorm leaders” No, sir, they’re already gone besides my sunshine and the horn boi

- Malleus??? 👁👄👁 TSUNOTAROU

- Pls kill the robots they destroyed my place

- AAH UPSIDE DOWN LILIA long time no see lol

- Bruhh the diasomnia students are so lucky to have Malleus as a dorm leader omg

- BRUH LILIA’S RINGTONE IS SO CUTE LMAO

- Kalim sounds so desperate im so sad

- ARE WE— ARE WE GONNA MEET MALLEUS AGAINNN

- Bruh they just goku teleported their way out of the dorm lol

- AAAAHH EVERYONE IS HERE THIS IS SO FUN

- Wait jack is not here lol did they just forget about him wtf

- Oh shit we here too i did not know LMAO

- S-So are we just gonna..continue school like— like these styx bitches didnt just ruin half the school, my dorm, injure my bois, and took my cat or…???

- GASP AAAA STYX IS A BLOT RESEARCH FACILITY WHAAAT

- So that’s why leona and idia be like bro this is not worth it

- O-Oh yeah— they…they didnt know that Vil overblot— PFFT

- Malleus pls information who are you talking about—

- WHO— LILIA MALLEUS OH NO

- Ey, overblot squad are assembled lol this looks so dangerous

- LMAOO Riddle was sleeping on Leona’s lap for three hours THATS SO CUTE

- Where the fck did they take them, ITS CRAMPED AF

- Bro they’re just exposing Vil and Jamil’s overblot that’s supposed to be a SECRET LOL

- Oji-tan can sound so wise and reliable like this if he really tried lol sugar daddy energy

- Wtf these guys never thought that idia was from a big shot family??? They thought it was just coincidence that they had the same family name PFFT

- AZUL AAAA He was right there my guy BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY MAN

- oh. They finally opened— isn’t this the ignihyde dorm what

- WHAT THE FU— IDIA

- Bro— WHAT WAS THAT IT WAS IDIA ALL ALONG???

- WHAT IS THIS CHAPTER

This chapter is a fucking roller coaster like— literal 0 to 100 ＱＵＩＣＣ From having a moment with Vil and the bois to a FUCKING TERRORIST ATTACK LMAO IM HYPED FOR NEXT CHAP—

It’s been so long, I hope they released the next part soon (๑>◡<๑) I forgot how fine these men are lol at least I want to hear their voices again 👁👄👁

[shoezuki]

Do u understand the new dream drama??? I am confusion

Whoop sorry i been doin fuckery n hw All day n like. I still aint able to get on my computer rn but im gon give u a tldr without sources because lazee

I know Practically all a it beyond maybe like. Exact time frames n shit. So ill give u the runnerup to all this

John swan is a commentary youtuber w like. A devent following. I think around 200k? He definitely had 'fans' n an audience for all this n crap

At some point i believe a year ago (idk exactly How Long ago but john swan had like 6k subs on yt) dream n john swan Converged and knew each other. Whether they were friends or not im unsure. But thats not exactly relevant

But essentially john swan on discord made his account out to look like dream and messaged at LEAST one person pretending to be dream, saying slurs like the n word, horrible shit, n something about coding a 'sex mod' ??? Pointing that one out specifically cuz it has become a whole goof

This person Relayed this info to dream who confronted john swan about it. John swan essentially said 'i havent been on discord in a few days. My discord login info was on a family friends computer and a 12 yo i know did all that'

This kinda like. I dont think anything happened While it was jus happening. But at some point a bit over a week ago now, dream made a reddit post saying such about john swan, that he was 'a suspicious guy' and such things on a smaller subreddit. John swan himself screenshotted it and brought it up on twitter that dream 'has a large audience' and defamation of his character can do a Lot of damage to him, and that he was lying

Imma speedrun this cuz its gotten to kinda like. Jus twitter beef. Its essentially 'im not lying YOURE lying' between john swan n dream on twitter. There was some drama alert shit, dream's whole 'detective' stream, john swan made some 18 page length Thing i couldnt be bothered to read.

Dream's arguments the whole time like. Objectively were better and jus more understandable. Made more sense. Although some things Couldve been poked through if john swan replied well enough. For instance one point dream made about it Absolutely being john swan was that the messages sent by this '12 year old' used similar speech patterns n terminology. Which Cam be solid evidence but for some fuckin reason all ppl w followings on twitter type n text like they eat cardboard in their free time like. The blandest ass shit. Whatever

BUT it came to some kind of 'end' today because apparently some Absolute no argument Evidence came out against john swan which hadnt been revealed publically as far as i seen. John swan First admitted to it in dms with friends n other commentary yters who'd made videos n shit on the whole bullshit. Dream tweeted bout it too a thread of like how 'he and the community deserve an apology' but he didnt think itd happen.

The john swan made a tweet w an apology that was essentially. 'Yeah it was me me and a friend were messing around on discord when i had a small following and i hadnt thought it was a big deal but once dream found out and confronted me i lied and continued lying im sorry'

All around its jus wack n like. Dumb as all fuck. Like yes in a 'discourse sucks' way but also in My way that this is No Fun. Like not even that juicy drama i live for. What COULD be actually important (john swan basically admitted to using the n word???) Just Doesnt get mentioned. Wack

[fins0up]

Dream SMP (just Feral Boys) but it's quotes from my group chat

I thought this would be a fun post so here, take it.

Dream:

"Pee"

"hee hoo part of my brain"

"he's british he doesn't know shit"

"ram-in"

"are you experience 'cause i wanna grind you all day"

"is that inviting someone to a big summer orgy?"

"all i am taking from this conversation is cheese jesus"

"mature is another way to say traumatized"

"i forgot that the british boys group existed" "oNe DiReCtIoN?!"

GeorgeNotFound:

"what's the southwest"

"we all play minecraft, none of us have social lives"

"buzzfeed is calling me a bottom"

"bold of you to assume i'm a bridesmaid and not the brides bitch"

"just saw my side profile, don't talk to me"

"gore-met mac n' cheese"

"sophisticated? i'm not so-soo-sop-soph-sophis--- whatever"

"if the scone were a dude, he could totally rail me"

"not to let my bottom side show,,, but like,,, i'd let him rail me...."

Sapnap:

"stfu i have ear dyslexia"

"WAIT 11 PM LIKE MORNING??"

"do a dog, i'm serious"

"the internet is for cowboys only. www. ? it stands for wild wild west"

"whatsamilf" "mom i would like to fuck" "bitch what the fuck-" "I didn't read the message before that, I thought you were just saying 'Mom, I would to fuck'."

"don't bind unsafely or i'll speedrun kicking your ass"

"you love a good d" -talking about grades.

"i ain't a mood, i'm a whole damn feelings chart, bitch."

"my googoomama meter is going babies"

Karl Jacobs:

"you need some diet pep in your step"

"lime is a fruit???"

"a russian roulette of chiropractors, if you will"

"some of us are built different here, some of us don't cry" "that's a lie-! you're a cr- wait, that's a lie, i'm the crybaby here, not you"

"I have a strong feeling that i didn't turn on the oven to boil my water so i can boil my boodles"

"such a big part of his life was dedicated to that,, i didn't care, i was eating cheerios"

"I could be Jell-O!!!"

"people think i'm cute because i look like a 4 year old"

"how dare anyone do anything significant without me being present"

Quackity:

"the night is cum" -singing Heat Waves

"sorry for being a duck"

"god damn it i look like an octopus"

"oh god, i'm thirty and i'm flirty"

"my favorite color is ✨drugs✨"

"I don't just wanna steal your virginity, i also want to steal your iron ingots"

"bro, you lagging. motherfucker has connection from Walmart."

"i'm not having a good time"

"✨🔥💔💞😻Old ass bitch😻💞💔🔥✨" -to Philza Minecraft

That's the entire post ;]. Might do a Sleepy Bois version but... we'll see. Enjoy this shit for now!!

[piracytheorist]

y'know what? never mind my long ass previous ask. it's your opinion, it was just worded in a way that rubbed me the wrong way and i should just ignore. Will still send pachislot RE7 links !

Thank you for this one message, cause honestly, after having read your entire thing... I mean, you unloaded on my inbox, so I'll unload a bit on you.

You were obviously angry and took it out on my inbox. I understand my points in my post (or the way I worded some of them) annoyed you, but I think you came right after that, with those feelings intact, in my inbox.

And honestly... that's unfair. I may have unintentionally annoyed you, but that doesn't mean I deserve being a target for your venting against me. I'm okay with discussing my points, but your tone is obviously very, very emotional, and I just don't wanna deal with that. I shouldn't have to. Thank you for acknowledging that you can just ignore my post. But the damage was done, the moment you clicked "send" on your vent message.

I can leave aside all your disagreements with my points, heated as they are. However, you are implying I haven't paid proper attention to the dialogue, despite having played the game three times. And, well... I have not only played the game three times, I have watched eight separate full gameplays, by seven different people. I've also watched many, many videos from people who only post parts of their gameplays instead of their full ones, and a couple of speedruns. Now telling me that in all those times of having watched the story, I ignored an unmissable dialogue... pisses ME off. Please don't do that. Don't go to people's inboxes implying that they're not paying proper attention.

You might not have known that, but analyzing stories and characters is something I LOVE doing. I love writing meta and discussing characters, their choices, their traits, etc. And telling me that one of the most needed skills for that - paying proper attention to the story - is something I didn't have for RE:Village, a game I love so much I'm ignoring my own fear of horror in order to play it... oof.

I didn't know (and I couldn't have known) that my post would anger you. You didn't know (and you couldn't have known) that implying I didn't pay enough attention to a story I have watched MORE THAN TEN TIMES over the past few months would anger me. But I didn't direct my post at you specifically. You came into my inbox. You see the difference?

Again, I understand you got angry, but honestly, you have to take a step back before venting out on people's inboxes. I have feelings too. And it is kinda my fault for being online so late, but now I'm gonna go to bed with pent up feelings over what you threw right at my face.

I don't want you to tell me you're sorry. I understand you got hurt. And you obviously have second thoughts about sending me that bunch. I just want you to know, that your vent was a pretty mean thing to send. We all have feelings, and you have no idea how much mine got hurt by your vent. Now you realize sending it to me was not worth it. If you had given yourself a moment between writing it and sending it to me, you would've realized it then, you wouldn't have sent it, and you would've saved us both the trouble.

Just... you know. You said it yourself, it's just a game, a game that we're meant to enjoy. It's not worth it, hurting each other's feelings over it. So next time you feel angry, remember that the person you're about to send something to also has feelings, may be having a hard day, may be coming here for fun and escape and not to receive other people's ire (even if that ire was unintentionally sourced from something they posted). Take a moment to think "Is it really worth it, to unload my feelings on that person I know next to nothing about?" We're all humans with feelings here. If you didn't like seeing my post - that you acknowledge you could've ignored - think how I felt getting your message directly at my inbox.

[queenretcon]

Barbara, Cass and Dinah for the "ask me"

idk how to do a read more on mobile so sorry for how long this is I have thoughts

Babs

favorite thing about them her managing to keep going after a traumatic event and become something better than before is still one of the shining examples of what shared universe superhero comics CAN be

least favorite thing about them anything written in the past ten years

favorite line

brOTP Ted & Babs 💙💚

OTP Dinahbabs!!!!!! The best ship!!!!!!

nOTP brucebabs is a boring answer but the truth is sometimes boring

random headcanon she definitely holds multiple speedrun records, right?

unpopular opinion anyone who enables fake ableist Babs by writing her, drawing her, buying her books, or positively sharing content of her is responsible for her continued existence

song i associate with them maybe Running Towards the Light by Aaron West and the Roaring Twenties? I need good Babs song recs

favorite picture of them

Cass

favorite thing about them redemption narratives aren’t something I’m usually super into (not opposed just. Not super into), but that’s because they’re not usually about a traumatized teenage girl trying to forgive herself through doing good

least favorite thing about them her secondary character makeover in rebirth

favorite line “You can change. You can.” still makes me weepy

brOTP Babs and Cass!!!!! Babs and Cass!!!!

OTP stephcass was one of my first f/f ships. An important step

nOTP there are people who ship timcass. And that is a mistake on their part.

random headcanon I think she likes cute clothes but prioritizes not restricting movement. No skirts without bike shorts under them, no tight jeans, never too many layers.

unpopular opinion She would deck Jason and drag his ass to Arkham. Come visit him regularly and try to convince him to change his ways, but punch his lights out first.

song i associate with them I’ve thought of this less than I should! Maybe Innocent Party by Jetty Bones?

favorite picture of them

Dinah

favorite thing about them god i just love everything about her but I’ve got a special soft spot for superheroes who have a superpower but are superheroes just as much because of their own honed skills. Like girls got a voice that could kill you but she’s still going to kick you in the gut instead. Icon.

least favorite thing about them I . . . Don’t have a least favorite thing? Oh I hate having to scroll through arrow stuff to get #content

favorite line

brOTP Helenadinah. Or her with any of the arrow kids

OTP still dinahbabs!! Always dinahbabs!!!

nOTP that time ra’s was trying to fuck her was weird eh

random headcanon she sometimes kind of wishes she could really let go when singing without ya know. Severely injuring everyone in the vicinity

unpopular opinion i’m not AGAINST dinahollie but i don’t really see the appeal. They seem to genuinely like each other, so I’m happy for her, but I don’t understand whats exceptional to people about them I guess?

song i associate with them let’s go with Cherry Bomb by The Runaways

favorite picture of them I love a lot of the art from her most recent series but this lotay variant is a fave

[shigaraxi]

Suns Out | Shigabaku | T 

Chapter 2 of Tuesday Rates! The obligatory Beach Episode ft. Bad Lifeguards and Bad Drown Victim etiquette. Read it Here or under readmore

Tomura really didn’t want to be here.

“Don’t be a party pooper,” Toga says, rubbing sunscreen along her upper arm. “It’ll be fun.”

Dabi agrees between inflating puffs of the large beach ball. “What kind of friends-” puff “-would we be-” puff “-if we just let you rot-” puff, Tomura’s eyebrow twitches “-in your room again all summer?” Happy with the size, Dabi caps the beach ball. 

“You guys aren’t my—hey!” Dabi snickers, catching the ball after bouncing it off Tomura’s head.

“Sure man, whatever you say.”

They are at the beach and Tomura really really doesn’t want to be here. Or outside, in general. Especially not with people. Oh how he ached to be back in his air conditioned room with his blacked out curtains and computer. No, instead here he is with sweat prickling and sand sticking to his skin, sitting on a hot beach towel under this oppressing sun. Tomura glares at the wide-brimmed sun hat at his feet that Toga had given him like it personally dishonored him. Those heathens didn’t even let him have his console either.

A sunscreen bottle is tossed to him which he responds with tossing it right back harder. 

Toga catches it and shrugs, bagging the bottle in Dabi’s tote. “It’s not our fault if you get burnt!”

“Hm!”

At least they had a beach umbrella. Tomura plans on not moving from this spot.

.

Huh. It’s hard to think but there’s someone...talking? He can’t hear what they’re saying, sounding too distant and muffled to make out the words from the garble. The voice begins getting desperate, pitch heightening as it continues babbling. Tomura feels really tired. Maybe he’ll try to understand later...when the pull of his lids don’t feel so heavy—

“—LIVE GODDAMN IT!”

Tomura shoots up because what the fuck, was he just slapped?! His cheeks are stinging, he's doubling over, mouth full of salt water and seaweed. Through his hacking, he vaguely hears a Kacchan… from a very dismayed voice, followed by a hysterical laugh from whoever this Kacchan is. 

“There’s no such thing as going overboard, Deku, he’s alive, ain’t he?”

“Yeah, but—”

“But, what? I just saved his life, I’m a goddamn hero.” What the fuck. Tomura wipes his mouth. The two look at him. The blonde, Kacchan, is the one to say, “I’m your goddamn hero.”

The green haired, Deku, one jabs Kacchan in the ribs. “Please ignore him! How are you feeling? Any chest pains, tingly sensations?” He doesn’t wait for Tomura to respond, instead turning to Kacchan to say, “Go get him a towel! He must be freezing.”

Kacchan huffs and stands, leaving to presumably get a towel (Tomura could hear mild curses from under his breath as he stalks away) while Deku turns back to him. “Don’t mind him, he’s just a bit crabby, is all. He means well. I’m Midoriya and that was Bakugou, by the way, we’re the lifeguards on duty,” he says with a mild laugh. “You almost drowned on us!”

Midoriya had an arm around him, Tomura belately realizes as he rambles on some more, probably to keep him sitting steady. When he tries to lean away, Midoriya removes his arm, apologizing, “Sorry, sorry, shock can be unpredictable. Are you feeling any better?”

Now that he mentions it, Tomura thinks, wetting his lips, his throat feels like absolute sandpaper and he still feels somewhat faint. Not that he would admit it, but it's the thought that counts. Plus, even if he wanted to respond Well, yeah, I feel like shit, a towel is thrown over his head. “Oi, he probably drank half the ocean. Let the guy rest,” says Bakugou. Tomura snorts quietly, pulling the towel around his shoulders. “I couldn’t find any extra towels so I gave you mine, you better give it back.”

“I nearly drowned,” Tomura replies, voice croaky and just barely audible, as he takes the water bottle Bakugou offers him. He twists it open, dripping as much sarcasm as he can into his words, “and you care about this? Some lifeguard you are.”  He takes a sip from the bottle. God does his throat hurt.

The way Bakugou’s face scrunches in irritation almost made Tomura laugh but instead, he hides his smile behind another sip. “Listen asshole, I can put you back in the ocean and laugh as your pasty ass tries to save itself. You should be fucking thankful.” 

Before Tomura would retort, a couple voices call out for him. Dabi and Toga. They must’ve been playing one rigorous game of volleyball because they’re covered in sand and sweat.

“We were wondering where you went,” Toga says, putting the volleyball under her arm. “We thought you ran away!” 

Tomura scoffs but Toga quickly ignores him, opting to look at the other two with him, particularly at Midoriya. She steps over Tomura’s legs, looking gleeful, to get closer. “Oh, hello! Are you guys lifeguards? What happens to our poor little Tomura-chan?”

“Toga,” the ‘poor little’ Tomura warns. Dabi laughs and helps him to his feet.

Toga continues to ignore him. Midoriya gives a nervous smile as he makes a pointed effort to look at anywhere but at Toga as she skitters closer and closer. “Uh, we-er, he saw your friend struggling to swim and pulled him to shore.” At the he, Midoriya had made a half effort wave to Bakugou’s general direction, who huffs, not paying them a dime of attention. “If it weren’t for Kacchan, he could’ve been a goner!” 

Toga nods, not listening one bit. It’s Dabi who snorts at the story and upends Tomura’s head. “Nice going, idiot. Have you thanked him yet?”

Tomura scowls and huffs. While that he was a little thankful, he wouldn’t admit it to that asshole of all people. Dabi seems to get that and instead chooses to ruffle his hair with a chuckle. 

Bakugou announces his leave with annoyance.

“I should get going too,” Midoriya said not far after, probably thankful for this out from Toga’s insistent chatter, as he follows after his partner in ocean surveillance. 

Dabi throws his arms over Tomura’s and Toga’s shoulders, saying as simple as possible, as Tomura watches them go, “Welp, at least you didn’t scare them away.”

Tomura eyes the arm around him. “I hate you both.”

Dabi laughs as Toga sighs. “Don’t worry, you’ll see your new boytoy again.” Tomura wasn’t sure who he was referring to, Toga who was looking dreamily after Midoriya or to him. 

Actually, he doesn’t want to know.

After that, Tomura sticks to their designated area for the rest of the day. Lucky for him, Dabi was lenient enough to give him back his PS Vita console because the almost drowning victim deserved at least some slack. The towel was over his head now, covering himself from the setting sun that refused to shine over the beach umbrella (and he wouldn’t be caught dead with that sun hat). He’s tapping the keys harshly, the fighting sounds rolled on the highest setting, and he’s so incredibly close to winning, and—

“Oi.”

His thumb slips on the toggle stick, breaking his ultimate combo, and watches in disbelief as Game Over title sequences flash across his screen. He stares at the syncopated message until the device just falls out of his hands as the little loser jingle rings out on loop. He puts his face in them instead.

“Uh...hey dude.” Oh yes, the reason for his failure. The words chip out from Tomura’s mouth, each stop full of as much barely controlled anger as he can possibly fit.

“What. Do. You. Want.”

Whoever it was standing behind him shifts on their feet, the sand softly crunching beneath. At some point, his console powered itself off and it’s then the person finally states, voice awfully familiar, “I said I wanted my towel back.”

Oh, it’s him. The crappy lifeguard. “Just take it,” Tomura laments into his hands. The towel resting over his head and back is swiped, but instead of the sun heat hitting his pale back, Bakugou’s shadow saves him. “While you’re at it, throw me back into the ocean too. I can’t handle this loss..." 

Bakugou snorts. “Jesus, dude, it’s just a game. Just do it again.” 

“It’s not just a game,” he quickly retorts, raising his face from his hands to shoot a glare over his shoulder. Bakugou has a hand on his hip, towel thrown over his shoulder, as he stands looking unimpressed as Tomura speaks. “It was a speedrun. I was so close to beating my records and then you had to come here and…” scare me is something Tomura would never admit, even if his life depended on it. Except Bakugou is laughing because fuck Tomura. “...ruin it,” he finished, instead, turning back around.

However, Bakugou doesn’t take the hint and doesn’t leave. Tomura thinks he’s never hated a person as much as he does right now. To add salt to the wound, when he tries to further his point of wanting to be left alone by picking up his console, the fucking thing had the audacity to blink the red battery light and power off once again, completely dead. Tomura groans as he drops the thing again.

“There. Now you have my attention because the world is awful and hates me. What do you want?” 

Bakugou laughs at his pain. Jeez. “Deku told me to go see how you’re doing—”

“Fine,” Tomura interrupts.

“—cause he’s scared of your freaky friends.” 

“They’re not my friends,” he replies out of habit, but the corner of his mouth quirks up. Good to know normal people are scared of them, maybe they’d be left alone more. “Don’t you have an ocean to watch?” 

“Shifts over,” Bakugou answers. “I needed my towel back before I left.”

Tomura makes a half hearted wave to the towel in Bakugou’s possession with a ‘now leave me alone’ implied, but just for extra zing, because he feels festive, he says, “There, you have it. Now leave me alone.” and turns back around to slump over his knees to be left alone to his utter and complete misery. 

Except, the cool shadow covering his back doesn’t retreat. Why isn’t it retreating—wait is he still there, he can’t be that stupid— “Actually…” the shadow that will not be named because Tomura no longer cares, “there a bonfire later. You should come.”

His ears are working right, right? Like, he heard what this guy said, right? Not having any post-almost-drowning-delusions right now, right? 

Tomura turns around yet again just so he can witness his own sanity possibly failing him. Bakugou looks at him expectfully, where Tomura can only think Wow, we have the same eye color. “So?” Bakugou asks with a raised brow.

He puts it rather eloquently actually, answering, “Uh.” 

A beat passes.

“Did I break you? Did I just break this nerd?”

If anyone asks, this redness in Tomura’s face is from sunburn and sunburn only. Oh he can already hear Dabi’s snickering and Toga’s gushing as he clears his throat, wetting his lips, looking somewhere decidingly not at this rude lifeguard who he begrudgingly admits saved his life. “Uh,” Tomura says, “are you—? Are you being serious right now?”

“Yes, you loser.” Tomura can already hear the amusement in his voice. He has to be fucking with him.

But…

Well...

“Yes?” He said tersely. Then quickly adds, “if it's not lame or anything, I can… I can go.”

Bakugou snorts but, when Tomura looks at him again, he’s smiling. 

Okay, maybe beach day wasn’t that awful of an idea, afterall. 

--

OMAKE: 

“See,” Dabi said as he pats Tomura’s sweet little sunhat covered head as he pulls the brims down to hide his very ‘sunburnt’ red face. “I know my friends better than they know themselves. You totally had a thing for him.”

“Shut up,” he mutters dejectedly into the straw. 

Dabi only laughs because he knows under that hat, theres a dumb smile plastered on there.

[spirit-shroud]

i replayed kz again tonight and managed to beat it in 4 hrs instead of 11 !!! which is rly cool imo, i think i got a max of like 50 deaths or less for the full run ??? i was just playing regularly but usin the prism blade for the cool blood effects, not in speedrun mode for the counter, and i managed 2 drag my friend into hyperfixation hell with me :} but also i have some thoughts and opinions im not rly sure how to compile in a meaningful way, so here’s the like. pure brain-down-on-blog post version under the cut. if this gets auto-tagged into the real actual tag for this game im very sorry for my hubris im just. thinking emoji

so id like to start this with the final boss makes me SO sad :( like yeah she doesnt have much dialogue but idk she just makes me so sad. she’s so desperate and she Knows shes going to lose and im just like. no!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you’re so cool!!!!!!! Please Be My Friend We Can Work Together. I Know A Guy :c like usually final bosses are like weirdly emotional for me but she was just SO COOL and realizing like WAIT THIS BOSS OPERATES UNDER THE SAME RULES I DO was just like WOW even if as i kept dying (and i think i spent like... 3 hrs on the final boss alone lmao the first time, i killed her on my third attempt this run which was very cool of me) i finally realized that she IS pretty repetitive and got all her patterns n variables down super easy, but like, fighting another null who Should for all intents and purposes be just as absurd and powerful as i am, and eventually being able to down her effortlessly, and then the withdrawal affects of the chronos kicking in as well, and its just like. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

dont even get me STARTED on that ‘to be continued’ like yeah there’s a dlc comin but the game mentions repeatedly that its just the first act which has me like OKAY. SPECULATION TIME (what am i speculating on? literally no idea im not even rly at the speculation phase im still in the WOW COOL VIDEO GAME phase) 

and i rly like the dragon/fifteen but the first time i saw him i was just like. who’s this f*llmetal alchemist looking bitch ??? what’s he doin here?? go HOME and controlling him is AWFUL i hate the dragon tape so MUCH >:C but also he’s like. cool. i want to know more about him n his plot 2 take down Juncture n the government n whatever. 

but also i was listen 2 Full Confession bc it’s just. what the heart wants rn. i need to be sad and caffeinated in order to get into the Writing Zone rn and then i was THINKIN like my friend mentioned while we were playing the dragon tape that the song that plays is very similar to Full Confession (which i had sent him earlier while i was losing my mind over the final boss) and then i was like. Hm. these are very similar but have such wildly different moods -- Breath of the Serpent is much more like. ‘you’re going to be afraid of me’ while Full Confession is like ‘i’m afraid of you’ and i think that the different Vibes from these two soundtrack bits about important Null characters is just like. WOW and i wonder how a version of it that was purely Zero’s might be. would it be more triumphant? more flat? what desperation or emptiness is in there that could be drawn out by this melody??? i dont KNOW and i can’t write music unfortunately but im just like AAAAAAAAAA

i also rly wanna know what snow has going on ??? like. shes clearly important. she is a vital npc. but Why. she didnt even rly do anything except Show Up???

fuck V. all my homies hate V. the motorcycle fight was a lot of fun tho i rly liked that section even if my therapist was mad at me afterwards

also i think elizabeth/the little girl is rly cute and the fact zero was just like. ‘hm. well guess i have a daughter now’ so fast w/ her (at least, with the dialogue trees me n my pal kept going down) and im just. So Hoping we can rescue her in the dlc :( i miss her so much and im so like. worried abt that like pls give me back my daughter you dumbasses i cant even read ur dialogue without my brain being like ‘yeah these r just squiggly lines, boss. gl’ 

i also want to believe that the masked men arent real (bc idk, it’s just easier for me to process that they’re the result of chronos withdrawal) but the problem w/ that is like. they definitely kidnapped elizabeth, and i want so desperately to believe that elizabeth IS real n that zero genuinely wants to protect her (and by extension, the part of himself that is still human) 

ALSO THE PSYCHIATRIST i was just like. Okay. I Must Get A Good Grade In Therapy. n kept being nice n cooperative and helpful to this clown ass and then THAT ENDING ??? like i didnt even get the Bad Therapist Ending i was just like. fucka you! attacka you with a rock! (i do however want to try the therapist boss it sounds like a lot of fun) but i just. i hate him! he sucks! find a better therapist zero u rly need one im sorry for ur problems disorder :( like hes clearly a guy who just works for the government n wants 2 keep a leash on our man 

n the contradictions, hes like. yeah ur killing everyone related to chronos so it can no longer be produced ♥ but dw ur special we totally wont just withhold chronos from you as soon as u finish ur tasks dw about it ♥ and its like. Hm. I Dont Think Thats Right !!!! 

also i wanna learn more about what Juncture has going on??? what are they like. Doing besides poisoning water n making lighters ?????? it’s clearly a lot 

also the art for this game is just so GOOD,,, like. i didnt rly notice a lot of the backgrounds my first playthrough bc i was just losing my mind the whole time trying to solve each puzzle but the second playthrough im just like. AAAAA. and the soundtrack? effervescent. groundbreaking. perfect. So Good 

and the GAMEPLAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my GOD i was SO vibing with it, the difficulty curve was kinda extreme imo but as soon as i started like. Getting It? and started looking at each room less like combat/fighting and more like a puzzle that needed to be solved it made it so much easier 2 get into the headphase of ‘okay how do i clear this’ and it was just like. YOOOOOOOO

and zero is just a lot of fun 2 play as. legitimately everything about him is just so ridiculous. his dialogue options? ridiculous. his design? absurd. the implications that hes like. 22 and just having the worst 10 days of his life? mood, buddy. this guy likes samurai movies and card games and mushroom pizza and has worn the same outfit every single day for who knows how long and hes also a war veteran, an emotionless serial killer and a drug addict. and hes 22 and 5′10. literally NOTHING about those traits make sense together but here he is, just Vibing. 

i love him so much. im going to make a self insert oc that’s just giving him a friend who knows how to cook n is just like ‘oh wow, that’s rough buddy’ when hes like ‘i only feel alive when i kill people’ and conveniently knows how 2 get bloodstains out of things bc i think he needs that kind of person in his life since his like. therapist is conspiring against him n he keeps having 2 kill his friends 

also, unfortunately, i want to get every achievement, which i feel like is going to become hld....2!! where i get all but 1 of them and am stuck at 96% for 2+ years >:T

[itsclownhours]

merlin as tumblr posts again because when i edited a typo in the original it fucked up the formatting

everyone: you have to make time for yourself

morgana: *stays up until 1 am every night crying* me time

.

morgana: ohhhh so the pain is forever and endless i get it now

.

young!mordred: once i learn how to read and write it’s over for you hoes

.

lancelot, in cursive: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: what does this say

elyan: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: bitch me neither that’s why i asked

.

arthur, to merlin, about lancelot: is he...y’know…*gestures downard to super hell*

.

uther, straight: hey what’s up guys do you want to go get some food

arthur and morgana, gay: ??????

uther: oh sorry i mean asgdhjdhs guys do you??? want some food??? lmao ashdjdjhs

arthur and morgana: oh! agshdjjshsj yeah lmao agshdj

.

morgana: do you ever associate the word “girlfriend” with wlw so much that you forget straight boys have girlfriends

.

gwen: am taking care of a tiny kitten. have given it an excellent name. dad thinks i’m calling her “minty” but this is actually short for The Government

gwen: The Government bit my finger and pooped on the floor

.

gwaine: peak art is when you were like six and you scribbled all over ms paint and then carefully paintbucketed in all the different shapes in the scribbles to make “stained glass”

.

morgause: forcing my car to commit sins so it goes to hell with me when i die

.

leon, after arthur gives the knights a pep talk: so motivational...time to drill a hole in my skull

.

morgana: i want to be a she really did that!! kind of girl but i don’t do anything

.

arthur: pros and cons of being my friend:

arthur: pro: you have a friend

arthur: con: it’s me

.

gwaine, to lancelot: bro let’s watch a horror movie together...bro you look scared do you wanna share a blanket dude? if you wanna hold hands it’s ok. if you wanna rest your head on my shoulder it’s alright bro...bro if you wanna kiss that’s understandable that was a scary movie...we can keep cuddling after the movie is over it’s alright dude…

.

lancelot: old town road but he just keeps listing all the places he has horses

gwaine: i got the horses in the back

gwaine: horses on the track

gwaine: horses in the shack and i got horses fetching snacks

gwaine: i got the horses in earth’s core

gwaine: down under the floor

gwaine: horses in the store and i got horses on the moor

.

gwaine: died and came back as a cowboy i call that reintarnation

.

morgana: *shows up at college* excuse me will someone please direct me to the leftist brainwashing class? i’m here for the leftist brainwashing class

.

merlin: finally found someone i was more disappointed in that myself: the entirety of america camelot

.

morgause: customer (derogatory)

.

arthur: business major (derogatory)

.

leon: leonardo dicaprio date a woman over 25 challenge

gwaine: thought that said “leonardo da vinci” and was confused since da vinci was gay and also since you were calling out someone who’s been dead for well over 7 years

leon: well. da vinci has been well over 7 years, i’ll give you that

.

morgana: the retirement age needs to be lowered to 25. i’ve had enough

.

gwaine: i’m fucking in luigi’s mansion

leon: who?

gwaine: some italian freak

gwaine: oh you meant who am i fucking. your mom

.

leon: stop setting things on fire because you’re curious about what will happen. what will happen is fire

gwaine: but what if...something else happens. just this 1 time

.

morgause: bored? burn an orphan. who’re they gonna tell? their parents?

.

morgana: due to personal reasons i will be a serial arsonist

.

mithian: fruit (affectionate)

.

arthur: going to the fruit (derogatory) store do you want anything

.

gwen: fruit (salad, yummy yummy)

.

morgana, to gwen: i’m allergic to hookup culture and too weird to participate anyway. die in my arms

.

kilgharrah: i am fast and full of teeth. i will die in a barn fire

.

morgana: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana: evil again

.

morgause: every day i put on my evil little clothes and do my evil little tasks

.

percival: megan thee stallion and timothee chalamet are the same age

gwaine: megan thee stallion 🤝 timo thee chalamet

.

morgana: hey how many swords do you have

morgause: sword of a lot

morgana: blocked

morgause: parried

.

morgana and gwen simultaneously in 1x10: *chanting* girls with swords girls with swords

.

morgana: the more knives you have the more valid you are

.

kilgharrah: blocked. blocked. blocked. you’re all blocked. none of you are free from sin.

.

morgana: seven deadly sins speedrun

.

gwaine: i want 6 pet sloths so i can name them after every sin except for sloth

.

merlin: the eighth deadly sin is networking

.

arthur: online school culture is constantly wondering if there’s a sneaky little assignment you missed...is it tucked under modules or assignments or heaven forbid, announcements? who’s to say?

.

gaius: asynchronous learning

merlin, a clown: mmmnaptime

.

arthur: have you ever just cried because you’re you

.

elyan, to percival: bro, we are teens . it’s ok to cry around me . i’m your best friend . i love you … bro we are kissing now … no don’t stop bro … bro …

.

morgana: mad bc i was told as the bride my wedding would be “my day” but actually where will be a whole other bride there and we will have to share it

.

leon: i’m disgusted every time someone does a gender reveal and it’s about a gender i already know about, what kind of reveal is that

.

leon: gender reveal party??? no, this is a gender repeal party. we out here revoking genders

.

gwaine: you’re laughing. i asked you who sings party rock anthem and you’re laughing

.

gwaine: make no mistake not only am i party rocking but i’m also in the house tonight

elyan: are you shuffling?

gwaine: everyday

.

morgana: lung extensions

morgana: with extended lungs you can: scream longer, breathe harder, brag about extended lungs

morgana: this procedure is not legal but i will do it for you

morgana: do not tell the police or morgause

.

morgana: i’m so sick of dna, i’m going to have all mine removed

morgause: good news! this is a real thing that can happen to you

morgana: perfect, sign me up

.

morgana: if YOU die because i poisoned you...how is that MY fault like i’m sorry you aren’t immune to my poisons i think that’s genuinely something you need to work on. fix yourself before blaming others

.

arthur: my body is NOT a “temple”...it is a CLOWN CAR and NONE OF THESE BITCHES KNOW HOW TO DRIVE

.

morgause: live

morgause: laugh

morgause: l u r k

.

mcdonald’s employee: please sir get off the table

gwaine: I ASKED FOR TWO LARGE FRIES *dumping bag of fried out onto the floor* BUT INSTEAD GOT A HUNDRED FUCKEN LITTLE ONES

.

merlin: i relate to vampires because i too must be clearly and specifically invited in before i have the audacity to try to participate in anything

.

gwaine: it can’t be september, just yesterday is was marchgustuary

lancelot: today’s date: [REDACTED]/[REDACTED]/20

.

gwaine: why are internet friends not normalized. it’s 2020 they’re probably making robots that will wipe your ass for you and i can’t text grace in the uk and tell her to have a good day? fuck you

.

percival: imagine if halsey was in beauty and the beast

elyan: are you insane like gaston. been in pain like gaston. bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like gaston

.

arthur: my dad is learning about pronouns/gender identity and he called me in the middle of the night to tell me he is cis

.

merlin: ough. those first 400 bites of dirt were not so good. maybe the next one will be better

.

morgana: i’m at the dark candy store, buying sorrowful ranchers

.

merlin: i’m surprised no one has ever punched me in the face

.

gwen: i want a gf so i can send her memes about loving my gf

.

morgause: oh to cook with my wife and stand directly in front of cabinets and drawers she needs to open

.

morgause: decided i will no longer be paying taxes. what are they gonna do, tax me more? go ahead. i won’t pay those either. oh i’m going to prison? the one paid for by my tax dollars? sorry, didn’t pay em. now there is no prison. i am at least 3 steps ahead of the government at all times

.

merlin: lab safety but the teacher just wants to you die

merlin: lab safety: 1. drink whatever’s in that beaker. i know you fucking want to

.

morgause: my therapist is selling her house so i’m gonna find the listing online and make her living room my zoom backgrounds before our next session. you wanna get in my head? ok well i’m in your home babe. i’m in charge now

morgana: yeah i see why you’re in therapy

.

morgana: i hate it when people ask me to “explain my thought process” like hell if i know

morgana: what’s going on in that head of yours?” nothing i want to be a part of

.

mordred: hey girls what’s the hot gossip what’s new what’s the 411

morgana and morgause: everything is bad and getting worse by the day

.

morgause: common letter greetings from 1889

morgause: dearest my-soon-to-be-enemy

morgause: salutations and i hope you enjoy contact prison

morgause: i hope this letter finds you in a ditch

.

arthur: *highlights all the wrong and unimportant stuff with full confidence*

.

merlin: i’ve tried opening my mouth and saying words before and i’ve gotta say, i’m not a fan

.

morgana: a large group of humans is called a fuck that

.

website: synonyms for blood: juice

mithian: thank you thesaurus.com, that is absolutely not what i was looking for

.

gwaine: gen z humor was single-handedly cultivated by the zoo wee mama comic and you can’t convince me otherwise

.

morgana: screw this it’s halloween now *turns into a swarm of bats them consumes the moon*

.

morgana: i can’t believe the heterosexuals are gone. they’re gone

uther: we’re still here

arthur: who said that

.

gwaine: no more france

gwaine: society has progressed passed the need for france

.

morgause: girls night out (of body experience)

.

morgana, to morgause: what do you mean “what have i been up to”...i’m out here ruining my own life as always bitch

.

merlin: stop complaining about your life. there are literally people living in camelot

.

arthur, trying to find new knights: oh so you’re a human? name three pictures with traffic lights in them

.

gwaine: we mcfreaking lost her doctor

.

morgause: looking for a wife in the walmart

.

morgause: arrested for visiting www.killing.com/murder

.

gwaine, to merlin: no bro this isn’t a date listen bro

gwaine: it’s bruhnch

.

morgause, to cenred: if you think i’m not interested, you’re right

.

gwen: put a pancake on a girl’s head when she’s asleep to keep her warm and safe

.

morgana: idk what mad scientist needs to hear this today but your goggles and lab coat are incredibly flattering and all your experiments will block away the scientific community who called you a fool

.

morgause: i’m gonna fucking die disease

morgause: symptoms: back hurts a bit too much for a bit too long

.

arthur: if you think i’m annoying now wait until i get over my fear of being perceived as annoying

.

merlin: sorry if i’m bothering you

surgeon: how do you keep waking up and saying that

.

gwaine: home depot needs more small tunnels for me to crawl through tbh

.

percival: hot tip: soup is customizable! go wild but know your limits

.

morgana: brains say “i know a spot” and take you to a traumatic memory from 2011

.

mithian: “can you multitask” yes actually i am losing my mind and chilling at the same time

.

morgana: quarantine schedule to keep you on track

morgana: wake up

morgana: neglect online school

morgana: yearn (ongoing project)

morgana: again!

.

mithian: if cats don’t want to be held like little babies maybe they shouldn’t be roughly the size and shape of little babies

.

morgause: fuck this pandemic i could’ve ruined 2020 on my own

.

morgana: a cute girl told me she has lots of plants in her house and i told her for some fucking reason “damn the oxygen at your place must be mad crisp” and somehow still got her number so. chase your dreams. nothing is impossible apparently

.

morgana: oh to wear a knife strapped against my thigh beneath a silk dress

.

morgana, running off with morgause at the end of season 2: i hate this place i want to go to build a bear

.

morgana, at work: i’m evil

morgana, 1 second after clocking out: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana, the next day at work: evil again

.

season 2 morgana: i am fine thank you for asking! though recently there has been a darkness growing within me

.

morgause: *thinks about love* okay well i am just losing my mind and being insane now

.

arthur: you think you can hurt my feelings? i’ve been the least favorite in every single friendship group i’ve had since i was 8

.

morgana, staring out the window at arthur and merlin: look at them plotting my downfall

.

mithian: i wanna buy clown noses in bulk and start sticking them on every person i see whose mask is pulled too low

.

mithian: oh to be a tiny cat whose biggest concern is the looming threat of being gently picked up and kissed on the head

.

morgana: i deserve to be kissed

.

morgana: did you have a homoerotic friendship with a girl in high school that ended in tragedy and you two are never talking again or are you normal?

.

mithian: just diagnosed with forehead kiss deficiency :/

.

morgana: i think i’ll continue to wear a mask when this shit’s all over, and huge sunglasses. my face is none of your business

.

morgause: my therapist told me that sometimes when a person consumes the same piece of media over and over they may be unconsciously coping with a mental block so now i’m trying to figure out what the fuck i was going through that made me watch ratatouille 8 times a day for a solid month in middle school

.

morgause: opposite of depression nap. depression awakeness. refreshing the same three websites over and over. there’s nothing new on any of them. eight seconds have passed and it feels like a century

.

morgana: very homophobic that my head is not laying on the chest of my maidservant as i am drifting off to sleep

.

merlin: no no, it’s fine, i’ll text myself back

.

morgana: *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns*

.

arthur: i’d have to be a fool not to? being a fool and not doing things are my top two activities

.

gwaine: you think it’s easy to be me? you think it’s easy to get up every. single. day. and be an industrial grade dumbass? well it’s not. but that’s what i do. and i’ll never stop.

.

morgana: ah shit i’m sorry man, my schedule for the week is all booked

sunday: yearn

monday: pine

tuesday: long

wednesday: ache

thursday: sigh

friday: lament

saturday: crave

.

morgana: talents include: being a public menace, denying God’s will, petting dogs, yearning, being dramatic, witchcraft, quoting classic literature when no one asked, napping, befriending a murder of crows, being gay, covering up my emotions by being “the funny friend” when in reality i’m really going through it, wistfully staring out the car window

.

merlin: *doesn’t even do the bare minimum* all in a day’s work

.

cenred: a “period” is not an excuse to have an attitude

morgause: i miss the times when men would go to war and die

.

morgana: the cheap halloween vampire fangs stay ON during sex

.

gwen: maybe i pspspspsp’ed you because i love you. did you think of that? huh?

.

morgana: mom said it’s my turn to hand out the ominous and vague warnings

arthur: that wasn’t mom

uther: she JUST SAID it was her turn

.

morgause: i’m a chill person but if my back doesn’t stop hurting i’m going to take out my spine and beat God with it

.

mithian: one of these days i’m going to say the f word

mithian: then you’ll all be sorry

.

morgause: 3 words every girl wants to hear

morgause: club penguin membership

.

morgana: hmm, yes.

morgana: time to s i p

morgana: some *~crispy~*

morgana: d i h y d r o g e n m o n o x i d e

.

morgause: roll call! raise your hand if you’re in the following fandoms:

morgause: 1. suffering 2. the pain of living

morgana: *raises both hands and a leg*

.

leon: it’s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager

.

merlin: yeah bro hit me up and we’ll cancel some plans sometime

.

morgana: my brain, or as i like to call it, the suffer contraption

.

morgause: my circle so small i almost cut myself off

.

morgause hyping herself up before entering any public area: i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal

.

arthur: today in french we learned how to say “what’s in the bag” and i couldn’t stop laughing because

arthur: swaggity swag qu’est-ce qui dans le sac

.

merlin: even when i am not speaking, know that horrible sentences are raging within me

.

mithian in 5x04: sorry bro i can’t go out tonight. i’m stuck in an eternal state of melancholy

.

morgause: shower gel label: immerse yourself in this new “Me Time” luxury frooty tooty. abandon all sense of identity and dissolve your memories into this soothing chemical broth. one billion melons are in this tube...use them wisely

.

leon, writing a headline about the most recent knights’ mission: local dumbasses knew that what they were getting themselves into and did it anyways

.

morgana: *feels random pain in body*

morgana: kill me

.

mithian: *slowly inches closer to your pet*

.

morgause: *refuses to look at texts* i love conversation and communication

.

arthur: cute gender neutral things to call your partner

arthur: significant annoyance

.

leon: the most unrealistic fantasy trope is the one where half of the pair works in some sort of shop and one is a customer because i have literally never thought about a customer with anything other than contempt

.

gwaine: why is everyone talking about 1d all of a sudden did one of them die

elyan: they’re 10 years old now

gwaine: i wish them luck 4th grade is tough!!

.

gwaine: must i pursue a career? is it not enough to be passionate about tv shows and snack foods?

.

leon, aroace: cool date idea: me eating oatmeal by myself

.

morgana: i have no self of steam

.

gwaine: i hate wearing a mask. i miss being able to gently kiss my trader joe’s cashier on the lips after they ring up my $8 box of blueberries

.

morgana: committing acts of violence today…*pushes morgause’s glass of water off the counter*

.

gwaine: mario will do anything to put a smile on your face

.

morgana: haha we get along so well...our brains just work the same way

morgause, after changing her entire personality to match morgana’s after analyzing the way she talks and texts: haha yeah it’s incredible

.

gwaine: covered in sauce, trembling

.

arthur: *says the vaguest most incoherent shit ever*

arthur: you know what i mean :/

.

[online]

morgana: *screenshots things her girlfriend said to her so she can read it again later* yeah i’m not gay

uther: dude no offence i don’t want to sound like an sjw or anything but if you have a girlfriend you’re straight. that’s just how it works

morgana: i’m a girl

uther: what the fuck

.

morgana: the second you say “family group chat” i know we are not the same

.

gwen: what if early in the morning after buying groceries we got caught in the rain and i used my jacket to cover your head ut we still got soaked and we made a fire at home and brewed tea and sat together watching the rain as our cats hid under our feets at each sound of thunder and we ate stew for dinner and watched tv until we fell asleep on the couch with your head resting on my shoulder

.

gwaine, to percival: hold my hand bro we’re crossing the street

.

percival: imageine if we all just started ignoring celebrities though

percival: i can’t stop thinking about how funny this would be. imagine kyie jenner posting a selfie and it gets 12 likes

.

morgana: this isn’t fun anymore i need a kiss

.

morgause at 1159 pm: life’s great lol

morgause at 1201 am: does anyone really know me? most importantly do i really know me? what if life doesn’t get better than this?

.

merlin: king i needbfjdjgnjfg qldkr snmsmdjgjt ….. .. i need--fjrjkrhgphpqn dd

arthur: huh *dunks merlin’s head back underwater*

.

morgana: i don’t go to therapy or take any pills i just rawdog life and let my brain turn into soup

.

mordred: dark emails

morgause: to whom it WILL concern

morgana: now that this email has found you

.

gwaine: hi waiter could i get the spaghetti i promise i’ll behave this time

.

merlin: the sexiest thing about me? everything hurts my feelings

.

gwaine: how is sex fun if i have to remove my crocs to have it

elyan: if he makes you remove your crocs for sex he isn’t the one

.

morgause: a motherfucker could use an embrace

.

morgana: every night after 10pm my feelings start crawling out, starved, as i beat them with a moderately large stick vigorously hissing “stay back” until i inevitably fall asleep

.

fanfiction: there’s only one room available…

morgause, who specifically chose a rated m and explicit story: oh my gosh there’s only one room they’re gonna share a bed what’s gonna happen next

.

morgana: i can have a little unrealistic romantic fantasy. as a treat

.

arthur: some of y’all weren’t asked out as a joke in middle school and it shows

.

morgana: how is everyone doing. i’ll go first i’m doing badly

.

morgana: being a kid was so fucking funny we’d just go around lying to each other’s faces constantly to impress each other one of the knights told me he was the first person to visit the sun and when i asked him what it was like to prove he was lying he said he didn’t remember because they sent him there when he was a baby and to this day the mental image of nasa launching an unsupervised baby into the sun still makes me crack up

.

elyan: do you wish you were seeing somebody

leon: a therapist

.

morgause: when you see someone from high school and they don’t recognize you that’s the exact opposite of the mortifying ordeal of being known. the gratifying relief of being forgotten

.

[texting]

morgana: you seem hard to kill

morgause: aw thank you

morgause: i haven’t been killed yet

morgana: to your knowledge

morgause: what

.

morgana: just truly bonkers how much i love lying down……..like being horizontal? Unparalleled

.

arthur: when i was younger i really thought that piranhas were going to be a bigger issue for me than they’ve turned out to be

.

morgause: filling out the depression and anxiety checkboxes at the doctors is always so sad but also very very funny

morgause: i am handed a piece of paper. i check off a box that says “every day i wish i were dead”. i hand back the paper. the paper and its contents are never again discussed.

.

morgana: unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, i cannot just “walk up and join the circle of people talking”, but it does sound lovely thank you

.

morgana: if california is so expensive why don’t you move to somewhere like ohio

morgause: full offense but i’d rather be dead in california than alive in ohio

morgause: ugly and uninspiring--review of ohio

.

morgana: staying up late not even fun anymore it’s just sad

.

morgause: everyone should be comfortable in their own skin :)

morgause’s brain: except for you

morgause: except for me :)

.

mithian: please peer pressure me into finishing projects

merlin: do it or you’re straight

mithian: i said peer pressure not threaten

.

morgause: the year is 2030. bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. the uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. i go to hug my wife for comfort. she is cake.

morgause: i sob in despair as i eat my cake wife. she is delicious

.

gwen: do ladies love stupid men or do they just love men who don’t exhaust every opportunity to feel smart

gwen: “i used to think that melancholy was a vegetable” that’s incredible, let’s hang out more

.

morgause: basically i accidentally listened to a song a few years ago and it led to this

.

morgana: *desperately tries to romanticise her homework*

.

uther: do i have to be pretty? is it not enough to simply be the loudest person in the room with the worst opinions

.

morgana: oh i can’t possibly study, i have allotted the next six hours to yearning vaguely

.

morgause: allow me to de-introduce myself

morgause: my name is [redacted]

.

arthur: i have no good posts today i’m sorry guys

merlin: haha “today”

.

mordred: “do we perhaps use magic because we were bullied and needed blah blah special interest blah blah” shut the FUCK up i use magic to see my anime husband’s big fucking honkers. sorry you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: i came here to bully people

mordred: is it because you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: no it’s because i’m deranged

.

mithian: pretty sure seven deadly sins is a bit excessive

mithian: just combine wrath and gluttony and make hangry

mithian: sloth and pride make Bottoming

.

morgana: despicable me ruined the word minion whenever i become a supervillain i’m just going to have to call them my homies or whatever

.

gwen: as a bisexual i am attracted to lanky boys with dark hair, girls who look like they could kill me, and anyone wearing vampire teeth

.

morgana: if someone tried to assassinate me that would make me feel so important and valued and beloved

.

gwaine: turn down for whom?

.

mithian: fact: usage of the word “the” has begun to decline. this is because as more and more people become educated, usage of the word “thoum’st” has become more common.

.

morgana, kidnapping mithian in 5x04: truth or dare? uhhh i dare you to………………………………..fall in love with me. haha i’m just joking bro………………..unless…………………………?

.

gwaine: my thoughts are like a clearance sale

gwaine: once it’s gone it’s gone

.

morgana: *pronounces “hors d’oeuvres” as “horse divorce” specifically to piss off morgause*

.

gwaine: do you prefer women or men?

leon: death

.

morgause: honestly no offense but i love falling asleep and sleeping. it’s like. ok goodnight

.

morgause: ngl it’s kinda difficult to be the moody and mysterious background character in everyone’s life when you’re quarantined at home

.

morgause: i need to get laid

morgause: --to rest. put me in a coffin, let my soul ascend

.

gwaine: it takes a lot of heart to be this stupid

gwaine: it takes real strength not to know shit about fuck

.

elyan: what’s your favorite anime?

leon: i’m a christian

.

arthur: just bought this tapeworm from etsy!

lancelot: where are you gonna keep it

arthur: :)

merlin: i don’t like this conversion very much

.

gwaine: i’m home alone with the tv repair man

gwaine: i’m no fool, there are only two possible outcomes of this scenario

gwaine: porn or murder

gwaine, an hour later: apparently there was an unforeseen third outcome where he fixes the tv and then leaves

.

morgause: well tomorrow fucking sucked

.

morgana: dark brunch

morgana: *mixes a mimosa with evil intent*

morgause: this is just what being gay is like

.

gwaine: movie idea: guy finds a stone tablet engraved with a mysterious alien language and gets caught up in a national treasure-esque adventure to decipher its meaning, only to learn that it’s just an alien “live laugh love” decoration

.

arthur: sorry i didn’t mean to open your ig story 20 seconds after you posted i’m just unemployed

.

arthur: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgana: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

OR

cenred: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgause: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

.

morgana: wow would you look at that. it’s already that time of the night where i move the stuff on my bed to my chair. can’t wait until tomorrow when i move the stuff from my chair back onto my bed

.

gwaine: hi i’m bethany with girl defined ministry and today we are going to be talking about how to stan my chemical romance in a God-honoring way

.

morgana: bottom: ,,, !!! ;;; vers: …. top: no punctuation whatsoever

morgause: tops are illiterate

.

morgause: i slept for almost 12 hours but i might still be tired so let’s go for 12 more just in case

morgana: morgause that’s a coma

morgause: sounds festive

.

mithian: i am a simple woman. i enter the kitchen. i eat four servings of bread products. i leave.

gwaine: it’s one serving if you serve all of it to yourself

mithian: i like the way you think, friend

.

gwaine: spencer from icarly and rodrick from diary of a wimpy kid are on the opposite ends of the same spectrum

elyan: the gay older brother scale

.

merlin: i found a rock :)

merlin: my troubles will soon be over

gwaine: parasite (2019) dir. bong joon ho

percival: uncut gems (2019) dir. josh and benny safdie

elyan: cain

.

morgana: social distancing is okay for me bc i’ve been touch starved since the 15th century. i’m used to it

.

mithian: fanfiction hits different when you’re gay and yearning and haven’t experienced an ounce of romance in your life

.

morgause: callout for rude baby seen at grocery store

morgause: i’m calling out a baby (approximately 12-14 months old) from the grocery store due to its rudeness. i’m guessing its age based on appearance, motor skills (atrocious) and whatnot. anyway, i smiled at this baby and it just stared at me. as soon as i began to move on, though, the baby said “no!” and started giggling when i turned back around. this happened multiple times. the baby’s actions were toxic and manipulative. the baby was also manhandling a package of dried fruit which wasn’t yet paid for (quite minor) and was just generally sitting around and not helping

.

gwen: we need to melt down all the pennies and make the statue of liberty a girlfriend

.

morgause: had a realization in a dream i just had that this isn’t real and i can just do whatever i want and so i started shrinking the face of this guy that was talking to me and then once it got real small i woke up sleep paralyzed

morgause: i was given godlike powers over the universe by realizing it’s all in my head and the first thing i did was use them to torment the nearest man

morgause: and the actual God woke me up and put be into a 5 minute timeout to lay frozen and think about what i’ve done

.

morgana: does anyone else feel an awkward tension whenever you see another person your age in the grocery store

.

gwaine: the number 87 kinda looks like a plague doctor

percival: you’ve just changed the fucking game

elyan: [|87

.

morgana: a lonely bitch...a loner...i love isolation AND detachment

.

gwaine: i will not call the judges “your honor”. in america we don’t have titles of nobility. they will get a simple “yes dude” from me

gwaine: calling big bird just “bird” because i do not respect him

.

morgause: *photo of a pizza in a bad* caught the bae sleepin

mordred: now why would you waste a perfectly good pizza :(

morgause: that “waste” happens to be my wife getting her beauty sleep. think before you speak

.

gwaine: *finishes wedding vows* don’t forget to like and subscribe

.

morgana: *is bitter but is also right*

.

morgana: how dare you not notice me when i’m ignoring you

.

morgause, killing cenred: men be like i’m bilingual i speak english and over women

.

gwaine: after i move i really wanna get a used roomba

percival: i love that you’re adopting instead of buying from a breeder

.

mordred: joking about a kink is a gateway drug into developing said kink

morgana: my kink is mental, emotional, and financial stability

morgause: unrealistic, settle for choking like normal people

.

gaius: gay people use halloween props as home decor year round

morgana: shut up shut up this black jar with a raven painted on it is holiday-neutral

.

[texting]

morgause: can you come out?

morgana: yeah gimme a minute

morgana: morgause, i’m gay

morgause: i know that. come out to the car

morgana: car, i’m gay

.

morgause: God FUCKING damnit i’m such a hopeless romantic one day someone’s gonna say “i love you” and i’m just going to let out an agonized scream so horrible that they immediately change their mind

.

gaius: i’m not wearing glasses anymore i’ve seen enough

.

morgause: sorry my battery’s on 96% i gtg

.

morgause: you hate me? wow you think you’re hot shit and original huh well i hated me first so you can go grab a number and wait your turn

.

morgana: don’t ignore me ?? i despise being ignored ?? i mean i’m ignoring like 8 people right now but still ???

.

morgana: shoutout to my favorite coping mechanism, isolation

.

morgana: the concept of physical beauty is a scam unless you’re calling me cute in which case it is valid, actually

.

merlin: oh, so when other people go outside it’s “good for their health” and “highly recommended”, it’s only when i do it that it’s a “containment breach” and a “high-level threat to public safety and security”, huh?

.

gwaine: a charming photo of young john mulaney, seemingly celebrating the kennedy assassination

merlin: princess diana wasn’t john mulaney’s first kill

.

morgause: hate when i got out in public and the public is there

morgana: it seems the public is no longer in the public

morgause: i’ve won...but at what cost?

.

morgana: girls will see a chance to commit arson and be like “sorry, i have to take this”

morgause: girls will see a building that’s not on fire and say “is anyone gonna burn that” and not wait for an answer

[clothing-references]

Update, Hello Persons

I do realize that I am taking forever to post. Todaay is January 12th, 2020. I am posting my own thoughts on what is going on right now.

The admin of this blog is 23 years old. This blog is kinda like my personal blog pt 2. I try to keep up with tags to indicate what i'll be talking abt so you don't have to read through anything potentially scary or worrying about the world we live in.

Please do not force yourself to read past this point if you do not want to hear my thoughts so far. Also, please refrain from sending anons telling me you here for only clothes when i do tumblr for free and also for me.

ANYWAYS

Guys, what the hell, why does January always feel like its own year? Why does so much always seem to happen around this time.

My birthday came and went. I had cake and relaxed!! New Years Eve was filled with me looking like a cute little paper dude from the old 20's and being avoe to enjoy it with people I kinda like being around. It was lovely.

Of course, bad shit happens to. I'm not gonna focus too heavily on what's happening with the current peach man pres, but please do remember that this guy is doing the exact same thing that Bush Jr. did closer to the end of his first term so that people would vote for him a second time out of fear.

Moving on.

Some... Very serious things have happened in my life as of late. As or very fucking late. I am scared but I know that I will be okay because I can figure out how to survive this stuff like someone who is actually learning how to be an adult.

It's been 23 years of my existence, guys. I've gone through a lot of things. I've seen a lot of people. My struggles aren't as bad as they are for some others, but... None of this is very easy either.

Basically, I am gonna be okay. I'm freaking out from time to time because I have recently gone through a very traumatic experience, as I am not allowed to have a normal family. And you know what, fuck some of them. You can't help someone who doesn't want your help but you can always focus more on yourself because you're fucking worth it and living through that shit means you're tough as fucking nails.

I have... A lot of things to think about. People to re-examine... How will this all affect my work? How it is going to affect my personal life and the lives of others? I am worried about that. And a lot of other things, too.

But you know what, I've made it this far.

So I have to keep trying.

2020 kinda feels like that year finally came around where it was ready to beat my ass but then i spit out blood and call 2020 an amateur or something reference shenxomix

Jokes aside, I am in a really difficult situation right now. I'm not asking for donations, I am not saying this to worry any of you... I just want y'all to know that I have a lot of shit to do this year and this very recent life event just fucking flung me into a speedrunning challenge for some of those important adult tasks. I am okay but I am tired as hell and I need to make sure I'm okay. So I'm sorry that I keep disappearing but eventually we'll have at least queued posts set up for this blog and that'll mean I am slowly returning.

Thank you all for just generally liking my blog, guys. I think ur all pretty dang neat yourselves.

I have to go now but please take care. I do promise I am okay and I will eventually return.

Stay Safe.

[vaguely-concerned]

TEMERAIRE LET’S READ: BLOOD OF TYRANTS, THE WILLIAM LAURENCE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT NG+ SPEEDRUN

- oh NO LAURENCE D:D:D:

I do love that one of his first realizations is that he’s definitely not dutch tho lol this dumbass remembered that he was english before he remembered his own name

- caught between OH NO TEMERAIRE (and it’s only page 9 it’s going to be one of those books huh) and laughing my ass off at the thought of him swooping into notoriously isolationist japan and yelling ‘HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN MY DAD???’

- “Yes,” [Laurence] said, unyielding, as he could not be otherwise. ahahahahaha way to summarize the entirety of old school!laurence with one fucking sentence

(I am very much enjoying this uh. ‘setback’ of his character actually? novik really did just roll him back to factory settings and went ‘now... from the top again, let’s see if you’ve been paying attention these last seven books’ haha. no one told me there’d be a test!!!!!!!!!!)

- Kaneko really has the patience and graciousness of a saint, @ laurence please... please try to be marginally less sketchy hm? (I guess his sheer obliviousness to how direly he comes across here must be why kaneko hasn’t dismissed him out of hand)

- y’know... at least laurence is in no position to have to worry about all this shit temeraire and the others are pulling. when people start talking about black-scaled celestials shaking the country to its very foundations he’ll be blissfully, innocently unaware. that’s something, I suppose... well who am I kidding we’ll 100% get a couple of paragraphs of him convincing himself this is all his fault somehow anyway

- . . . and His Majesty’s Government does not behave in such an underhanded a manner as to attack another nation with no warning or quarrel. aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha oh what a strange beautiful fantasy land you’ve been residing in for most of your life william laurence, hang on tight for the opium wars

- hahaha oh my god this is like a platonic version of that text post

temeraire: have you guys seen my dad??!?!

them: what does he look like?

temeraire, crying: beautiful and human and has gold buttons

- I take it all back old school laurence is such a tremendous idiot. just PRETEND you’re willing to cooperate at least you huge fuckign dummy, all you’d have to do was say something vague about how the ship can’t get too close to shore; it won’t actually help them and they’ll know it but you won’t make yourself look so unspeakably willfully suspicious

-  :( making me read things where temeraire is just hurting should be ILLEGAL actually

- NO LAURENCE STOP TRYING TO KICK LITERALLY EVERY POLITICAL HORNET’S NEST WITHIN REACH BAD BOY he is... a disaster but I love him and fear for him as a son so here I am anyway

- hahahahaha yeah wow laurence it sure would suck if you ever had to commit treason huh death probably would be preferable indeed

b o i

- i like that it took him like a week to even give a single thought to edith lol at least he remains aggressively himself

- I think temeraire basically just invented dragon baby photos and I can’t even think for how darling it is

also every dragon physician is delightful; they fear neither god, man nor huge ass patients who could swallow them in a bite

aw man I love gong su

- ahahahahahahah kiyo is the actual best I can’t breathe

KANPAI INDEED, MY LADY, MY LIEGE, I DON’T CARE WHAT ELSE HAPPENS I WOULD FOLLOW YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH

Laurence was forced to at least moisten his lips in a show of accompaniment, and hope that he had indeed buried Caesar and not praised him, or for that matter raised him from the dead one act too soon; he was not perfectly sure. He did not think he had been this appallingly drunk since he had been a boy of twelve, trying to make good on every toast at his captain’s table. I. am. dying

thank you thank you thank you for the mental image of laurence drunkenly trying to stumble through the ‘friends, romans, countrymen’ speech as well as the entire rest of the play in a one-man performance

- oh no... I would die for junichiro, baby boy who loves his teacher SO MUCH ;____________; aaaaand there are laurence’s adoption instincts, I see, right on time <3 I like how they have had one actual conversation now and laurence is like ‘ah well nothing for it then guess you’ll have to stay on my ship and I’ll have to be your dad now, brash 16 year old child’

junichiro is being Full Teenager about laurence not knowing ~*obvious*~ things and it’s a delight

- y’know this period of japanese history is always portrayed in the west as paranoia and it could probably only be done because the country was a strict military dictatorship at the time... but having read oh, any history book ever, deciding that nope nah don’t think so no europeans ever is the greatest ‘fair enough’ in human history.  (...I guess this series is sort of AU fix it fic of the period in the first place haha)

- seeing temeraire this level of straight out angry is very interesting and also very unsettling

- ooooof whenever laurence almost-remembers temeraire... stab me in the heart why don’t you

- man churki really is the mom friend of these dragons she’s the only one who has a lick of sense

- *laurence, upon clobbering several men with an oar* “Ma’am, I beg your pardon,” Laurence said to the old woman, who was still sitting ramrod-straight in the ferry over the side from him and regarding him with a flat expression of utter disapproval and not the least evidence of fear; he put out a boot over the side and shoved the ferry off with a heave

god this book is just a continual parade of glorious mental images, just this old woman glaring at him like ‘RUDE’ and “Ma’am, I beg your pardon” fdslfhsdlkjh

- I have a lot of sympathy for hammond. imagine having to navigate the extremely delicate diplomatic situation between europe and japan, with the real prospect of a war breaking out over it, while temeraire is looking over your shoulder... real dragon in the glassware shop vibe going on here, i’m sorry about your life hammond

- AUGH laurence just sort-of-remembered emily he just half-remembered he basically has a daughter someone hold me (...junichiro is so so sweet ;___;)

- bwahahaha yeah I’m sure the only reason this impressionable young kid who’s slowly becoming very impressed by you has for sneaking glances at your bare chest is manly appreciation of your battle scars laurence, well done (I mean a supremely understandable innocent teen crush to develop but stay safely out of that, kid; I trust tharkay to survive the sheer field of mayhem around this man only because he’s got like 20 years, extreme competency and a world of cynicism on you)

- aw junichiro :(:(:(

- ...laurence you need to stop making your dragon boi think you’re dead because this is hurting me. my heart lies in sad little pieces on the ground right now. you are stepping on them with tapdancing shoes.

- “I am under an obligation to Junichiro,” [Laurence] said, quietly, “who you must know has aided me for love of you. If I surrender myself and am made prisoner in this way, will your honor be satisfied?”

fdsfhsdkfsdja  *ELMO SURROUNDED BY FLAMES GIF* this is all awful they’re all such good people why must this happen why this  

(what a way to remind me why I love this stupid wonderful man so much tho uuuuuugh)

- “He is a prince of China, and my captain.” “The devil I am,” said Laurence. This might be the funniest heartbreak I have ever experienced

- good job making me cry whenever I read the words ‘principia mathematica’ naomi novik that was real nice of you

- maximus is such a solid bro. not the brightest, but by god a good 80% of that boy’s gigantic body mass is pure heart

- I love the sheer trollishness of just dropping all these hints about whatever’s going on in the US and then moving on like nothing has happened lol at least it’s deeply implied that hamilton squandered his chances at the presidency by pulling his dumb hoe act in this universe too... constants and variables friends constants and variables

- bOY for a moment there I really did wonder if junichiro was going to die, thank god for a quick google to stop my heart from leaping up my throat and out into thin air to shatter yet again on the flagstones beneath

- in unrelated news I recently found out a bit more about the whole historical Situation in Australia at the beginning of Tongues of Serpents (incidentally, by reading Mark Forsyth’s ‘A Short History of Drunkenness’, which is very funny and quite interesting although I can personally testify that the chapter about vikings at least is completely riddled with misunderstandings or straight out factual errors about the mythology, the role of women in society and uh the entirety of how poetry worked so maybe take him with a pinch of salt lol), and now, in retrospect, I have to say Novik does a poor job conveying the sheer hilarity and madness going on at that time. Like. I was quite bored in those first few chapters, whenever Tharkay didn’t have page time. how could you make this incredible spectacular shitshow boring. it should have been easy comedy gold and not just like. misery. oh well great times, let’s return to the book at hand

- I remain utterly devoted to Lady Kiyo. livin’ life, drinking sake, giving no fucks, absentmindedly scoping out the western style ships and starting an entire modern navy for her country, getting some Theater up in here.... truly I would follow her into the jaws of hell itself, safely in the knowledge that she’d find some way to have a good time down there

- kaneko tearing up at laurence promising he’ll take care of junichiro 😭 this is so cruel to me, personally, specifically against my person, I am undone

- I like how the incan dragons are told like ‘don’t pick just one special person; you can love all your humans equally’ while the poor japanese ones are told ‘actually don’t love any of your humans very much at least not more than Honour’ lol they must have so many neurotic dragons running about b/c that when that attachment happens it seems extremely central to their psychology (and considering lady arikawa it’s not like they’re exempt from it, they’re just supposed to repress it to conform)

- laurence desperately trying to work out whether emily’s his daughter without actually asking anyone... delicious

the descriptions of roland’s letters: even more delicious

- temeraire sees the sad remnants of laurence’s robes and ‘hello darkness my old frieeeeend’ starts playing in his head... too bad laurence isn’t really in a position to experience the relief

- He is very much a one-note character, but O’Dea’s resolute dedicated fatalism is extremely funny

- hahaha poor temeraire... when you try to introduce bae to the family and they insist on being TOTALLY EMBARRASSING god

- The guilt of having caused pain to one deserving only consideration at his hand mingled with unanswered disquiet. I’m bawling laurence’s dad instincts are so pure and good even tho everything’s a bit messed up right now. like this whole paragraph is so powerful b/c you can see laurence’s natural loving impulse at war with his dad’s cold authoritarian parenting style and because his lived experience is removed he doesn’t know what is right.............. oh b o y

- oh okay I see my earlier comment about the opium wars proves unexpectedly prophetic

- it cannot be overstated how much I love junichiro or how happy I am that laurence is being so soft and patient with him. this kid has Been Through some shit

- emily roland shoulder to shoulder with laurence killing fools and he never doubts her for a moment... *chef kiss emoji*  

- the problem with these books is that there are just so many good characters and so many of them don’t get any real page time in any given one -- I’m sitting here plaintively like ‘I realize this is not the most pressing issue right now but how is demane and sipho doing. are they okay. does sipho have enough books’

- ouch memory loss isn’t stopping laurence from flashing back to victory of eagles :(

there’s something so disconcerting about knowing why laurence reacts to things the way he does when he doesn’t; novik is using that very efficiently, this is a very satisfying use of amnesia just from a writer’s POV haha

- I like how none of these suckers really have the tools (or in some cases even inclination) to understand how messed up junichiro’s political situation is in all this

they just expect him to come home to britain with them and meanwhile he’s just found out that The greatest threat to his nation (from his POV I mean china/japan relations irl seem uh complicated) has more dragons in one field than he’s ever seen in his life. it’s a rough and lonely deal being this kid in this book

- oh ouch yes hey there laurence there might have been... a little bit of treason. true. extremely justified treason tho. I mean. oh dear

we don’t have tharkay and his unique mix of deep cynicism, incisive sarcasm and surprising depth of concise moral clarity here to assist with the aftermath so this could get  u g l y

- listen what did I SAY about making me read about temeraire being miserable     :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

- SIPHO!! hey baby boy pls have some thought for your brother’s cardiac health tho

- aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw the fact that laurence is getting out of this crisis so much quicker this time because of his bone-deep instinctual knowledge of how much he loves temeraire, which doesn’t need specific memories to be true and felt. god. jesus. stars above

- laurence: approaches little

little: gay panic

- [Laurence] groped after the truth of himself like a prisoner in Plato’s cave, watching shadows. *clenches fist with great emotion* fuck naomi novik why must you be such an excellent goddamn writer im in pain

- oh hay arkady

poor poor temeraire feeling like a failure in every way is so awful but also kind of funny. ‘oh shit arkady’s egg oh fuck oh crap’

- I LOVE that hammond is so clearly and repeatedly shown to be a very astute political thinker and working shit out before everyone else! he may be a dumbass and a bit of a weasel but by god he’s great at what he does!

- laurence wouldn’t have changed anything if he could u guise. I . that. hm. oh

- thARKAY

.........arkady I am only a human and a small one at that but I will find some way to climb up there and wring your neck

(how cute is it that apparently jane roland realized she needed someone to find laurence and was like ‘well I need someone who can take care of themselves and knows the area and speaks dragon and Understands the chaotic ways of william laurence and also has looked uncharacteristically like a kicked puppy at the very mention of his name ever since being forced to leave him behind in australia.... hey tharkay you want a job’ fhkjshdfkalhsd)

- I’m very glad I googled ahead and spoiled myself a bit on this, because if I just read this part fresh I would have expired on the spot

- MISSION GET MY BOY BACK SAFE FOR GOD’S SAKE is a go

- general chu is pretty cool for an old dude you feel me

- . . . and Laurence knew him; knew him and knew himself.

ahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha

hahahahahahahhahahahaha

hahahahhha

haha

what... what pure undiluted soulmate nonsense is this. what. how. WHY would you do this

- I think I said something offhandedly in my victory of eagles reactions about how tharkay makes laurence remember who he is. I. thought I was exaggerating slightly for dramatic effect at the time. um wow

- I am having the sort of feelings about I need to write fiction about because my ability to express it any other way is failing me. That’s just about the highest praise I could give, really, Novik sure knows how to plant interesting seeds in her stories lol

- for the record this is not how I wanted him to end up in laurence’s bed

(im not thinking too much about how he got hurt b/c if I do I’ll start crying and that’ll just be embarrassing for everyone)

- “I hope you will forgive my mentioning it, Will,” Tharkay said, eventually, rousing Laurence from his reverie. “ -- I recognize there is a certain pot-calling quality to my doing so under the circumstances, but have you noticed that the top of your head appears likely to come off?”

a) my love for him is just. so pure. so complete. so deep b) consistent first name basis; the one sure way to make me swoon c) the implication that he’s just been quietly watching laurence while he was lost in thought... im so soft

- oh god laurence very gently helping out demane and roland because he remembers now....... i cry and my tears are blood welcome back buddy

- “I am of the opinion,” Tharkay said, “that you ought not assign to free will something more likely the consequence of a sharp blow to the skull.”

he truly is the gift that keeps giving. an endless cornucopia of sarcasm and delight. we do not deserve him.  

- [The man he was eight years ago] would not have valued his own feelings, on such a matter, higher than the law and the discipline of the service. *AIRHORN AIRHORN AIRHORN* there we have it folks that’s literally his character arc spelled out, he would have done SO MUCH BAD SHIT because he thought his own feelings didn’t matter and yet he chose another direction, stupendous, brilliant, revolutionary

also him trying to get his support across to both of them in as roundabout and discreet way as possible... laurence you beautiful disaster

- im just so happ. so happy. so happy temeraire has his dumb dad back

- oh so the russians think the BRITISH, of all people, are too soft on their dragons... ruh-roh

- sdfskadlfj yes good tharkay the ROBES (also the implied depth of fond schadenfreude-tinged amusement contained in that ‘those particularly magnificent robes’.... *prayer hands emoji*)

laurence is like ET TU BABE?????

I think this is very delicate gong su speak for ‘please do not be a dumb bitch your majesty’

hahaha chu knows what’s up -- I am growing desperately fond of him, please don’t have him suffer any cop-one-day-from-retirement style accident

- “If I may cut your Gordian knot,” Tharkay said, with a glint in his eye. fdsklfhsdkflhdsakjfhdskjh remember back in black powder war when he was all closed off and phlegmatic and purposefully distant... and here he is... with a glint in his eye and a crazy ass plan that requires other people and that he actually shares before pulling it off and calling laurence by first name in public......... we’ve come so far

- Also this means he’s close enough to Laurence’s height and build that he can wear his clothes without it looking weird, which is nice to know because Laurence is sometimes more preoccupied with describing what men are wearing than, y’know, what they look like lol. (probably not quite as broad in the shoulders, tho, since it’s pointed out every time laurence is described that he has shoulders like a linebacker)

- temeraire: eXCUSE me god didn’t do this the emperor of china did???!?! rude???

- pffffffffff tharkay and chu being jaded world-weary bros for a second there... this is what I read these books for folks

- NOOOOOOOOOOO chu this is the one thing I asked you NOT to do D: temeraire being sad and scared about it is slowly murdering me, thank god laurence is back online for him

- dunno this napoleon dude sounds pretty great and all but this also sounds suspiciously... like trying to invade russia in the winter time. immovable force and unstoppable object or something. I mean I don’t read history so I don’t know. might be a great idea. who’s to say.

- I see that tharkay and laurence have reached the ‘communicating complex information solely through eyebrow movements’ stage of their relationship. *drinks this excellent excellent OTP juice with both hands*

- god I love how cool temeraire!napoleon is, in a strangely believable way. he’s just so weirdly charismatic and novik is SO GOOD at setting up a situation so you understand just how brilliant a move he’s made whenever he seems to be backed into a corner and turns it all around. I kind of want him to win at this point (though tbf all of europe fucking sucked at this time so like he doesn’t have to doll it up TOO much to look better by comparison haha)

- boooyyyy Laurence is P I S S E D (also him being like ??? :D that the general basically agreed with him lol)

ALSO also the fact that laurence does not realize that he’s like the fucking horror story all the major authorities around the globe tell each other at night... fjksdfhsdkjlhf

ah russia. truly consistently one of the most shit places to be a peasant or apparently a dragon through so much of history.

- junichiro Y__________Y no wonder laurence is so protective of him, he’s finally met someone as stubbornly stupidly ~*honorable*~ as himself. godspeed bb boy I wish you only the best even though I know your story line is never properly brought up again

- I ship... roland and demane... so much. like with my heart. she’s so young and earnest and curious and misses him so much and casually scandalizes alice about it fsjdakfjhds

- well I mean. dragons eating people is clearly not  g r e a t  but also... karma. y’know?

- this is a lot of words to use to convey the sentiment ‘oh they are all so fuuuuuuuuuuuuucked’ naomi novik

(feels a little like she wrote herself into a corner here tho -- she’s set up such an impossible situation, in RUSSIA in the WINTERTIME, that I’d need a hell of a lot of convincing to believe they get out of it)

- aaaah okay I really enjoyed this one too, especially the first half! I feel like this series is often at its most inspired when it sticks to a tighter character focus (for example I still vividly recall the part in the first book where Laurence stays in his father’s house and it’s Bad. relatedly........ F U C K lord allendale), and this brought that in spades. I love this series so much, it’s shamefully underappreciated in the speculative fiction world.

also it brought *me* to my knees with a simple “Tenzing,” [Laurence] said, which... holy shit. fuck. damn. that’s my personal recommendation of this book, tbh, even beyond my wish for this series to be more appreciated within the genre: Tharkay was there and it was very gay and non-obnoxious soulmate vibes???? I never even thought it could be done but here we are

This is probably going to be my last reaction thingy for the foreseeable future, since my local library doesn’t have book 9 and honestly... having read a few summaries of what happens in it I’m not that keen on reading it? That’s not the ending to this story I want, so I’ll just live over here in denialville, I-realize-the-author-made-the-choice-to-not-make-further-use-of-Lien-AKA-THE-coolest-antagonist-in-this-series-and-indeed-did-not-wrap-up-numerous-character-arcs-or-plot-lines-but-I-don’t-like-this-choice-so-I’ll-ignore-it

(actually I do sort of appreciate the idea of not having one grand final duel or something, because that’s not how it usually works in real life, but that she’d just shrug and not mercilessly hunt for the revenge she’s so clearly motivated by when everything she loves is falling apart around her again... that’s too much of a letdown to bear, really)

let me just... live in willful ignorance and pretend anything could happen from this point onward haha.

- let me give a final shout out to my boy gong su, who’s been hanging around since book 2 (!) and yet we do not know One Single personal detail about him for certain except that he sure knows how to handle knives. that’s some good spy shit right there, he knows what he’s about

[knaveofmogadore]

Ella consults Nine on her gay panic, aka Holy Shit, I can write something that doesn’t have Adam in It

“Hey, Nine?”

Nine looks up from the book’s worth of papers Malcolm had given him to read. Ella had materialized in front of him out of thin air. Her dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and paint and chalk streaked through it. Her oversized jeans were rolled up into cuffs and splattered with paint, and her worn out green shirt wasn’t in much better shape. Paint meant that, somehow, she had been with Marina not too long ago, probably taking her frustrations out on a throwaway canvas. Nine drops the papers into a messy stack on his coffee table and stands up.

“Hey squirt, I don’t remember giving you a key to the place.”

Ella looked away for a moment, but while she was good at lying, she was never very good at looking guilty.

“Sorry,” she lied, “I needed to talk to you.”

Nine waved at her to talk while he shuffled the papers into a better stack and cleared out the trash from the living room. His TV and entertainment system were covered in a fine layer of dust, and the knick knacks and pictures on his shelves weren’t really in any good order, but Ella was sixteen, and teenagers don’t give a crap about dirty rooms. Through all of his speedrun cleaning job she remained quiet. He looked around for the easiest seat to clear, settled for pushing unfolded laundry off of the couch, and gestured for her to sit. Nine sat across from Ella with his arms folded over his knees, waiting.

Ella rolled her shoulders, rubbed her arm, coughed, and made a big deal about dragging out the silence. Nine still waited. Finally she sighed, looked at the ceiling, sighed again in the way teenagers do when something is especially time consuming, and spoke in a rush.

“How did you know you were gay?”

Nine blinks, stunned to silence. He opens his mouth but all that comes out is a cracked and drawn out ‘uum.’ He coughed too now, hoping that by settling his lungs he could settle back into his own head.

“Did you try talking to Marina about this?”

“Yeah, she told me to ask you,” Ella says, deadpan.

In spite of the situation, or maybe because the air in the room was getting too tense for his liking, Nine grinned.

“You’ve been spending time with Adam too, huh?”

Ella jokingly swipes at him and Nine easily dodges. When she laughs he knows he did right.

“So, did you ask him the same thing,” he asked.

She grew quiet and shook her head. When Nine tried to press she waved him off.

“I wanted to ask you. Marina told me how she doesn’t feel...stuff, but I don’t feel things the way she does. I <i>feel</i> things, I get crushes and I think people are cute in more than an aesthetic way and I can kind of see myself getting married in maybe, thirty years?”

Nine laughs and she swats at him again.

“Be serious! I like people in <i>that</i> way but I’ve never wanted to date anyone before,” Ella trails off and ends her sentence with a vague and frustrated hand gesture.

“Before,” Nine says slowly.

Ella hides her darkening face in her hands before the red spreads from her cheeks to her ears. She groans, a sound that is full of pure teenage frustration and self loathing. She put it off in waves, the special kind of self pity that comes from being that age where everything has happened and not enough has happened at once. There is the perspective of loss, but also none of the experience to tell her that this is not the worst thing to ever happen to her. Nine moves to the other couch and wraps his arm around her shoulders.

“Come on,” he shakes her a little, “it can’t be that bad.”

Her voice came through muffled, “I met the prettiest girl I had ever seen this morning and I blew it by talking about krawls.”

Nine’s face twists as he swallows his laughter. He pats her shoulder and makes sympathetic noises.

“And you thought you didn’t like girls! This,” she tries to shove him away and he holds her in the brotherly bear hug of her life, “is the gayest thing I’ve heard since breakfast.”

Ella finally manages to squirm free by pinching his arm and sliding to the floor. Nine left her there for a moment to go to the kitchen. Cups rattled and cabinet doors slammed and soon, the microwave started running.

“What if it’s not! What if I just wanted to be friends! What if it <i>is</i>, what then?”

“Then you get yourself a girlfriend!”

Nine comes back with two mugs and kneels down to hold one out to her. She stares at it for a moment as her brain catches up, then takes it. He sits down beside her on the floor as she takes her first sips of hot chocolate. Nine rests his cup holding arm on his knee as he begins to talk.

“When I first figured it out,” Ella looks up from pondering the mysteries of the universe when he starts, “I was driving down the road with a beautiful boy in my passenger seat. I had already had too long by myself to think, and the road was quiet, and he was asleep. I had thought about it a lot, you know, kissing boys and how they looked and probably felt and,” Nine waves his free hand, “/stuff/. This boy, when I first met him, I thought he was one of the stupidest, strongest people in the whole world.”

Nine obnoxiously slurps his hot chocolate, “I still do, and I love him with all my heart.”

Ella smiles, “That’s pretty gay.”

He snorts into his cup and has to take a moment to cough all of the chocolate out of his nose. She uselessly pats his arm while he chokes on hot chocolate milk and coughs for his life. When he clears his throat. he points at her threateningly, like he didn’t just almost get taken out by milk and chocolate powder, which only makes her laugh harder.

“You shut your sassy ass mouth, I’m not finished. So I’m looking at this boy, and the sun is shining on his face like poetry or some shit,” Ella snorts, “shut up, and it hits me that maybe other boys don’t look at other boys like this.”

Ella leans forward like the story was on the end of a line NIne was pulling in, “And then?”

Another obnoxious slurp, “And then I didn’t figure it out for another four months, and now we’re dating. The End.”

She blinks, “That’s it? That’s your big advice? Wait and maybe I’ll figure it out,” she asks, dumbfounded.”

“Yup,” he said, popping the P.

“That’s bullshit!”

“Sure is! Also watch your language, Marina would beat my ass if she found out I let you swear.”

Ella leans back and groans at her lap. Maybe she was actually groaning at the ground, the very earth, like the Entity would come back into her mind full force to help her through her sexuality crisis. Nine sarcastically clinks his mug against hers, drawing her out of her self pity.

“To gay panic?”

Ella raised her mug and half heartedly cheered.