#sorry if I came across as aggressive in this. it wasn't my intention | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pansyboybloom · 10 months ago

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I think maybe my tone and language may out sent the wrong message because I agree with you and a lot of the points you are saying. We probably also are just in different spaces online and my use of the term "anti trans masculinity" was wrong and misconstrued.

When I say anti trans masculinity, I don't mean anti trans men. I mean anti masculinity in the context of being trans. Probably not the best term.

My "not immune to terf propaganda" was taken out of context. I'm saying that I've seen a lot of trans people online still propagate the idea of trans women are predatory and ugly for being masculine, and trans men are victims of grooming. Especially with poc trans people. Black trans women are almost immediately clocked as groomers, even by fellow trans women.

I've seen other transmascs fall into a pipeline of "feminine transboys are the only valid ones", with those transboys tell others that masculine features are disgusting. I've seen transmascs hold off from transitioning because they are scared to turn "ugly". Because feminine = attractive and masculine = ugly.

Also I talked about the uwu cunt boy fetish of trans men because it's become incredibly more popular, including in "trans friendly" spaces from what I have seen. I didn't mean to say that trans women aren't fetishized, they most definitely are. Trans people are very much seen as a kink to a lot of people.

While you are fair to call bs on my claim that transfems are ripped apart if they don't immediately transition, I have seen it. Though I definitely did word that statment wrong. I've seen trans women online post videos of them in makeup and wearing wigs, then a video of them out of that, and told in the comments that they "look prettier when passing", "you should only do content while passing", and "be glad you aren't a man anymore".

While we can agree to disagree about transmen experiencing a specific kind of bigotry (oppression wasn't a good word), I was talking about the very small communities of trans women saying that trans men are "betraying them", and how that isn't an excuse to turn around and be misogynistic to them. Even if a transfem is saying something slightly annoying, transmen will rip her apart.

I'm sorry that my anons came off the wrong way. Also not trying to immediately push off the blame to me being uneducated. I try my best to hold up my transfem friends and I do try call out fellow trans guys for being misogynistic.

once again giving the heads up that the schizo word/brain salad is making articulation hard and that my hand tremors are really bad today, so any tone or misspellings or anything is bc of that! just in case

thank you for your reply, i know my own was super long, so i appreciate you taking the time to read and digest that giant wall of words. i hope it didn't come across as aggressive, as that wasn't my intent (i hate to keep giving the same excuse, but I'm schizo spec and have a very hard time articulating myself)

i will agree that we are likely in different areas online-- I've actually made it my new year resolution to spend less (for lack of a better word) time in online spaces and more irl (PFLAG has been wonderful to me <3) so I'm a little behind on the attitudes on tumblr, so to speak, and was coming more from what I've seen in person and in literature (once again recommending whipping girl! it is a great place to start on transfeminist theory, though it is long. if that's something you're interested in, Julia Serano, the author, reads her audiobook and you can likely find it at your local library/on libby)

I apologize that i didn't realize the context of the terf comment! that's on me. I agree that a lot of trans people regurgitate the "trans women are predatory and ugly for being masculine, and trans men are victims of grooming". the amount of trans men i have seen (specifying trans men since that's the space i spend the most time in) who have detransitioned into 'dysphoric females' and buy into the sudden onset dyphoria theory so they can have more of a community with radfems.... shudders. I think this serves as an example of how the unique experiences trans men have can turn into bigotry. not excusing trans men who go full radfem's actions, bc they are hurtful and dangerous, but i see radfems twist a lot of young trans men's fears surrounding men developed by the sex binary and sex essentialism to convince them they are being groomed and have to stay women or will lose their whole community/safe space. i see this a LOT with young adult straight trans men who are so scared of being rejected by their lesbian radfem community that they turn on fellow trans people. as i said in the last ask, the idea that women are 'abandoning' their girlies to go be with the enemy is definitely dangerous when put to the extreme by communities like radfems. i wouldn't call it a systemic transmisandery (or similar word) issue as much as i would a symptom of misogyny, essentalism, & transphobia, but it should be something we as a community talk about, esp since these 'dysphoric females' genuinely hurt the rest of us. especially since, in my experience, these communities tend to be predominately white, so like you said, Black trans women get the brunt of the vileness. the whole community at large has failed Black trans women and fems, and transmisgoynoir is something that must become the forefront of community discussion.

okay back on track lol.

i misunderstood your point on the 'fem tboy is the only valid one' earlier, so sorry. trans men as a community most certainly do that to other trans men, but, just speaking as a gnc trans man, I've noticed that like, it comes less from a fear of masc-ness and instead from a fear of fatness/loss of conventional attractiveness and also this misunderstanding of gnc as a whole. not wanting to start t bc 'i'll get fat/i'll go bald/i'll have to stop wearing skirts' is a fear i see a LOT in pre t gnc trans men circles, especially the young ones, and i think that really shows how we as a community have failed young trans men. i think by showing love for fatness/bears, 'non conventionally attractive' men, be it balding, acne, whatever, and showing how to play with gender outside of fem/masc would solve that problem, or start to. but that's just coming from my perspective as a white, fat, gnc gay guy, so i cant speak for everyone and every trans kid.

and oh my god just adding onto the 'cuntboi' thing-- as a guy who wants phallo, the idea that we're all white thin sexually ambiguous bottoms who enjoy vaginal penetration makes me want to eat my pants. i think that affects all trans people-- femininity is synonymous with submission, sex, and fetish for a lot of people-- it def is frustrating when you see even other trans guys perpetuate it. i think it's less a hate of masculinity and more a fetishizing of femininity and using that fetish to fetishize trans men. it's like how autogynophilia is used all the time to denounce trans women but autoandrophilia is rarely mentioned for us, bc why would we want to be men during sex? we're all bottom-submissive cunt boys, we would never want to imagine and get off on being men during sex!! that's why im not the biggest believer in autoandrophilia being a modern internet problem as much as it could be.

As for your comment on trans women getting ripped apart for not passing: i personally think that is a product of effemimania, which is a term Julia Serano coined in Whipping Girl (i know, i know, this is like the 5th time I've mentioned it) to describe our cultural obsession with “male femininity,” specifically the manner in which such expressions are routinely sensationalized, rigorously policed, and pathologized, instead of any specific anti trans masculinity. Basically, it is spurred on by an obsession with what womanhood looks like and a near fetishistic need to watch trans women practice it the way you want them too to enforce control over them.

once agian, thanks for reaching out. i'm glad to know we could have a conversation, ya know? if you have any other questions, don't hesitate to reach out again

#long post

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dailyfigures · 1 year ago

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hello I'm the tag anon, I wasn't being passive aggressive and it wasn't my intention to sound like that at all. I'm really sorry it came off that way it was never my intention to talk down on you, my suggestion was genuine.

that method has never failed me and from speaking to other people here I've always had the impression it's not well known? because it's really unintuitive.

I know I personally only discovered on accident, else I wouldn't have known about it still. and since you mentioned only search I thought it's another situation like that.

my comment about the method being annoying was also genuine, I find it ridiculous that tumblr makes us jump through this many hoops to find stuff on our own blogs. that's also what I meant by my last sentence, I called tumblr functional with carcasm because I've seen the joke a lot here and, it isn't and it has many issues. (hence my 🙃 emoji)

I thought that would be clear bc of my previous comment abt the method being annoying but I messed up so again, sorry for the message coming across as basically the opposite of what I intended.

NOOOOOOO OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY FOR BEING MEAN TO YOU 😭😭😭 not my silly neurodivergent ass literally not being able to read tone omg i'm so sorry anon......no please don't apologise that's genuinely fully on me i feel so bad for being mean when you were genuinely trying to help........

i honestly wasn't aware at all that that method isn't well known, i've been on here for a decade so after all that time it kinda became an obvious thing to me. i think that's why i read your genuine tutorial in a way of like "oh you walked into a door? maybe try opening the door before you walk next time lol dumbass" which is again, fully on me and now that you explained it, it's very obvious how you meant it and i'm so embarrassed 😭 i did honestly think it was very weird you were calling tumblr a functioning website because no one would ever say thatdjshdjs

again i'm genuinely sorry for being mean to you when you were being nice and thank you for trying to help me out <3

#this is like the third time i completely read the tone of an ask wrong and assumed it was negative AUGH #i have gotten a decent amount of anon hate so whenever i open my askbox i unintentionally kinda assume the worst like whenever i get an #ask notif i'm like 'damn probably getting called a slur again which is a little overly pessimistic of me and clearly makes me interpret #things badly when it's not intended like that at all........#anyway sorry for talking so much i just genuinely feel so bad for giving your nice message all that attitude 😭😭#anon #ask #non figure

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fiirecracker · 1 year ago

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I get what you're saying and I agree 100% but I should clarify that I am. definitely not cis and am also trans sdkfgfjdfbh. The way I saw it with Misraaks was that he wasn't "deadnaming out of malice", because I agree, he would NOT do that, if anything I saw it as him not seeing it as a method of transition but rather for what we see it as (him using a fake name to escape the target on his back). Does that make sense?

OH YEAH SORRY LET ME CLARIFY

i never meant to point and say "YOUR MESSAGE SAYS A CIS WROTE THIS" it was more "do i see this name the same way i see trans deadnames?"

i do apologize if that reply came out sounding any kind of aggressive or finger pointing. unfortunately, i have a very difficult time with both interpeting tone and trying to make my own sound anything less than passive aggressive. which is why i tend to reply a lot with "!!!" or emojis (if u know me from discord, you know this).

again, i'm so sorry if that came across as nasty. that definitely wasn't my intention, and i think i misread your tone as accusatory. i wasn't aware some people saw it as a method of transition, so it genuinely knocked me off guard.

#baby grill there are no gds here ( ooc. )#thank u for ur clarification!! for real!!#also yes misraaks is a good man who is trying his best. and wouldn't do that.#he's made mistakes but not that one.

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dervampireprince · 2 years ago

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I just wanted to hop in and apologize for my previous ask about your outros.

In no way shape or form was i trying to be rude in any capacity and i’m so genuinely sorry that it came across that way.

For context, i had intended that to be a joke on me falling asleep during your audios and then only waking up during the outro. Poking fun at me missing the whole plot. The volume of your outro is perfectly okay and not an issue in any capacity. I absolutely did not mean to make it seem like I was being passive aggressive about the volume.

In no way is that an excuse, and reading it back, i can 1 million percent see how my previous ask came across that way. Regardless of my intentions, I still made you uncomfortable. I should have thought about how tone can’t be perceived over text and gave my ask a second thought.

Once again, I am truly forever sorry. You did not deserve that from me and I will work towards getting my message across in a more efficient and respectful manner.

Apologetically,

anon

it's alright. i also struggle with tone, both with understanding other people's tone and regulating my own, and understanding jokes without tone tags is very hard for me and i knew it was a joke but didn't really understand it but. yeah. i wasn't gonna say anything about it, i was just answering other peoples asks. it's really okay.

#the vampire answers

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sparatus · 2 years ago

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For the dragon ask game: Scales and Tail!

dragon-themed writing asks

thank you!!! okay let's see oops sorry i picked long snips for each fhsdfds i got excited

Scales: share a snippet that describes something. (can be a person, a place, a feeling, etc.)

mmm ok honestly the man in the mask is some of my best descriptive work and everyone's slept on it:

The leaves were thick and dark, a perfect hiding spot. Or, they would have been, if not for the moonlight filtering down through the edges and setting bone-white plates aglow.

Desolas had tucked himself into a surprisingly small ball, considering his height and reedy build. The split in the trunk he'd nestled himself into came up just enough to hide his legs from below, leaving only one knee propped up near his shoulder visible. The trunk was scored with deep, rough clawmarks; grasslands turians were runners, not climbers. His face was tipped up into the evening breeze, his eyes shut, his shoulders slack. Where the moon didn't dapple his plates and kiss his tattoos, the tree's shadows did their best to swallow him whole, turning his plates dark gray and his markings nearly black. If Valis hadn't already spotted him, she might have passed right over him.

She wanted to say he looked peaceful, serene even. Then her eyes found the bottle of horosk cradled against his keel, and the downward cant of his mandibles and brow plates.

Well, then.

She took a long, slow, deep breath, contemplating what to say while her lungs inflated. Something to express concern, or maybe gently tell him to watch where he left his claws. “Hey, Hotshot!” Nailed it.

Desolas’s eyes opened slowly, and his head lolled over to look down at her. With the moonlight now behind him, all she could make out were solid discs of electric blue. “Bit late to be this far from the barracks, isn’t it?”

What kind of question was that? His voice was slow, too, the alcohol dragging his tongue. “I could ask you the same thing,” she huffed. “You just clawed me across the head, or did you not notice?”

“Was that you?” Desolas’s mandibles roamed in and out for a moment. “Sorry. You can head on back, I won’t fight you over it. This time.”

She hesitated. She could walk away right now and be fine, some sneaky little thing deep inside her soul told her. He'd been drinking, of course he was acting off. She could just leave him to it. Walk away, let the brass's golden child dig his own grave.

She took a step closer to the trunk and raised her arms to grip a thick branch above her head. She had to know.

She hauled herself up to roll awkwardly onto the branch, clinging to it while she got her legs in place. Desolas eyed her the whole time, brow plates slowly rotating into a scowl. By the time she'd sat up and faced him, his nasal plates were flared, and his crest was tipped forward in an aggression display. "What do you want?" he growled, wobbly subvocals doing their best to declare hostility. "Fuck off and leave me alone."

And there he was. The Desolas who'd fought and fucked her like a man possessed and then tangled himself up with her like she was the only thing anchoring him to this plane glowered out at her from the depths of whatever violence he'd inflicted upon himself, the mask ripped away to let the spirits witness what he'd become. His teeth were bared and his claws flexed on his calves, but there was no real menace to it. He wasn't tensed to strike, his growl didn't rumble with intent. This Desolas didn't want to fight her off. He just wanted to be left alone.

Well, she told the sadness flashing behind his eyes, she could be stubborn and annoying, too.

Tail: share a fluffy or cozy snippet.

ohhhh i have this bit from the weight of memory:

Des coo-clicked, low and deep and worried like he always was, always had been for sixty-five long, long years. He stepped back, but Saren didn't miss how he stayed close, stayed tense, stayed ready to jump forward at a moment's notice until Saren had successfully taken a few cautious steps forward and reached the part of the driveway kept ice-free by the heat of the house. Then he contented himself with a supportive rumble as he shut Saren's door and popped the back. "Go on inside, Lu's probably convinced Val you're dead by now. I'll bring the overnight bags."

Saren whistled an acknowledgement. Sure enough, the children had vanished into the now-open front door, and by the time he'd made it halfway up the ramp, the light spilling out of the house was blocked by a massive frame. Saren's memory never really did the great Edessi justice, or maybe it just struggled to process her. Valis Abrudas was a giant of a hen, only slightly shorter than Nihlus, so tall and broad Saren could never keep all of her in view at once. When he was a child and she’d started skulking around behind Desolas on his visits home from base, he’d thought his brother had somehow charmed an actual mountain to follow him. The impression hadn’t changed much as he’d grown; if anything, the crags in her plates Shanxi had left behind only deepened the resemblance. Lucipius was a perfectly respectable size for an eight-year-old, but peeking out from behind his mother’s hip made him look comically stunted. As she lifted her head and turned it to get a better look with her good eye, the entryway light behind her was blotted out. “There, you see, Lu?” she clucked to her son, settling one hand on his shoulder. “Your muxaup had it covered.”

Lucipius chittered, little claws curled over the rim of her hip spur. “I didn’t say he didn’t!” he argued, dropping slightly to hang from her. “I just said Uncle Saren fell!”

Valis chuffed, leaning against the doorframe with a soft thmp so she could gently swat at his dangling legs with her cane. “Made out like we had thirty seconds to say our goodbyes, this kid,” she told Saren as he reached the top of the ramp, setting her cane back on the floor and pushing herself upright. “You alright?”

Saren snorted, pausing to flex his claws in his boot. “For better or for worse.” He shook himself to clear what snow had settled, and his shoulder twinged. “The army’s vehicles are a lot higher off the ground than the Citadel metro.”

“Don’t know how you put up with that death trap.” Valis shooed her son off her hip and stepped aside, extending her free arm to welcome him in. One mandible lifted, illuminating her jagged and foreboding visage with the warm light he’d found there when he was small. “Well, don’t just stand out in the cold. Get your bony ass in here.”

Her wobbling subvocals rolled against his cowl, thrumming all the pleasantries her gruff Edessi brogue never quite reached. Glad you’re here. Glad you’re safe. Welcome home.

His own mandibles rose, and he hobbled forward, allowing a friendly bump of elbows with her as he passed. The warmth of the house washed over him as soon as he crossed the threshold, pillowy and comfortable and just a little bit stinging after the frigid outdoors. A waft of cooking meat swam around him, and he lifted his head to sniff the air right as his stomach gurgled and clenched down on itself. “You’re cooking.”

Valis laughed, staying back to hold the door. “Had it roasting all day, been drivin’ myself nuts. Elaphus sent down the most gorgeous damn lana rump you ever seen, fresh kill and everythin’, prime Gaevig cliff-edge stock. So raw I half thought it'd bleat at me. Weather report this mornin’ said there’d be snow, figured it’d be a nice thing to come home to. And you lot best be grateful, I had to risk callin’ my side of the family for this recipe.”

#press conference #annwayne #ierian's writing #yes i know most of what i write these days is the extended arterius clan listen i WORKED for my niche #thank you!!!

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atherix · 2 years ago

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I didn’t mean to dismiss your experience with clip ons and am sorry if it came across that way ;; I just wanted to share that there’s an entire world of no-pain clip one for your own personal aesthetic and writing needs! (really am sorry though /srs)

Oh, no worries! I'm sorry if I came off defensive or aggressive, that wasn't my intention at all but looking back I can see why you might think I was upset, sorry for that <3 Do you have any suggestions on where I can find these no-pain clip ons? I might give them another try now that I'm an adult with my own money lol

#ask #midnight series #<- teeeechnically?#lol

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h3lpc0mfort · 1 year ago

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self-harming when you get angry - hyunjin

It was a tough day and you weren't even ready for it. You always had those thoughts or moments when you couldn't control your emotions and be productive. It stressed you out and made you feel so disgusting.

Every time this happens, your boyfriend was always there to help you stabilise yourself. Hwang Hyunjin was your sunshine, your only reason to be alive. It's been 4 years since you guess became boyfriend and girlfriend. He always saw you as the best thing ever and you always saw him as the piece to your puzzle.

Normally, you could deal with these meltdowns by yourself but somehow today you couldn't stay with it anymore.

You flopped down on your bed, my mind scrabbled with emotions. Anger, Melancholy, Scared, Disgusted and many more. But the anger in your body over powered every other one.

"I fucking hate this.." You shouted to yourself grabbing a lighter from a drawer on your nightstand.

You, aggressively, flick the switch, eager for some fire. You slightly flinch when a perfect flame. Placing it on your skin, you let the flame hug that specific part of flesh. It hurts but hurts so good.

Every once in a while, you'd move places from your thigh to your wrist to your stomach, everywhere.

No one was home so you could do whatever you want. Hyunjin was at the company building with Felix and Han and said that he'd come back at 17:00.

The last time you checked, it was. 16:25 so you had plenty of time. Continuing, the pain became harsher and more intense.

You stared at the wounds, wondering why you had to resort to such manners.

10 minutes later -

You trying to do more but you couldn't bring yourself to do it.

15 minutes later -

You tried to put the lighter away and try to recover.

5 minutes later -

You had given up and forced your hand over to a clean fresh part on your skin.

10 minutes -

The door unlocked..

"Love-" He froze at the sight that he saw. With no hesitation, he ran up to you, grabbed the lighter and threw it across the room.

You started to panic after realising how scared you made Hyunjin. It wasn't your intention to at all.

"Shh, baby, calm down.." He spoke softly in your ears, trying his best to comfort your emotions first. You wrapped your hands around his neck as you softly cried. He held your waist as you hid your face in his chest.

"I'm sorry Jin..i just couldn't anymore.." Twars came out of your eyes as you tried to explain yourself when crying. But all he did was hug you, swaying you from side to side while whispering sweet nothings into your ear.

"It's alright..I get it..just relax.." Was all your heard for a few minutes but it felt like a good few hours. Your eyes became heavy as you submitted to sleep. That was all you needed for today.

"We'll talk tomorrow darling, okay?" He softly whispered as he took you over to the bed, taking off his shirt and trousers. You were already in light clothes but he took off your shorts so you had more freedom. After he had finished with that, he cuddled you to sleep.

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buckybarnesdiaries · 4 years ago

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what a nightmare

bucky barnes x reader ⎢ masterlist.

request by @marvel-diaries: Hi wifey❤️ So I came across this image and I’ve been cry laughing for like 5 minutes😂So for 2K I wanted to request something kind of based on this image😂 You’re on your period and Bucky takes care of you for the day! Makes you feel comfortable and goes to the store for you to buy what you need. He ends up calling you on FaceTime because the whole pad/tampon section is just so confusing so he needs your help! At the end of the day you and him are cuddled up on the couch together eating your favorite snacks! Please and thank you❤️

word count: 1k.

warnings/tags: none.

author notes: none of my stories contain reader’s body descriptions to be inclusive.

Join the tag list here.

Once Bucky found you wrapped in your favorite cozy blanket lying on the sofa and with pouty lips, he knew that month your period hit you really hard. You could barely move without feeling cramps all around your lower belly, grunting and curling in a ball with your arms surrounding your abdomen. He left your house without saying a word about where he was going, just placing a soft kiss on your forehead and asking you to not move, to rest. Bucky drove to the closest store, decided to pamper you the whole day or until you felt better. That was the only thing he wanted, to make you smile again and make disappear any pain that you were suffering.

His first stop was the snack sections. Your boyfriend brought you all kinds of junk food —your favorite chocolate bars, chips, candies, peanut butter. Anything he had seen you eating other months, even two bottles of ice cream because one wasn't enough. Bucky bought you one of those stuffed animals with cherry pits inside to put it in the microwave and use it to alleviate the cramps. He took a raccoon. It didn't need an explanation why, it was pretty obvious. He toured the whole supermarket, adding some pizzas to the cart for dinner.

Everything was going okay. Your boyfriend was more than happy to help you and to contribute to your well-being. But that happiness fell into pieces when he reached the pad and tampons sections. “What the hell?” He thought confused like never in his life. If he believed that war was to go to Germany and fight the Nazis was because in his time there weren't too damn many kinds of pad and tampons. They were divided by size, fabrics, brands, smells, colors (...). He didn't know which one you used and he thought about asking somebody working there but each person was a world.

Much to his regret, fucking up the surprise, Bucky took his phone from a pocket and called you via facetime. His heart broke as soon as he saw you on his screen with teary eyes, sniffing in pain.

“Hey, sorry”. He mumbled honeyedly. “Listen, I, uh… came to the store and… what the… hell is all of this? I just wanted to buy you pads or tampons or whatever the hell you use and… honestly, this 's a nightmare”.

You couldn't help but laugh in tears, cleaning them with the back of your hand, just by imagining the situation by the look on his face. He was literally begging for help.

“They're called Tampax Pearl”. You chuckled.

“Yeah, okay… Lemme… Lemme… Just gimme a second”. Bucky was freaking out, touring with his gaze the whole damn hallway.

“They're the color of your eyes”.

“Doll, listen… I ain' playing games, I just wanna go home and never come back”.

Your laughter made you stir because of the lash of pain straight to your ovaries, curling up your legs to your chest.

“Blue and green”.

“My eyes aren't gre— To who the hell are you looking at, uh?”

“You should watch them under the sun, you punk…”

“Your passive-aggressive romanticism overwhel— OH, finally, goddammit”.

You watched the triumphant grimace appearing on his face while adding three packets to the card, trying to glance at what else he had bought with not much success.

“Okay, good… 'M gonna pay, run away and never come back to this place. See you in a minute, doll”.

“Buck”. You called his name when he was about to hang up, not being able to hold back another giggle when you saw his expression turning into pure horror, hoping you didn't ask him for anything else from there. “I love you…”

“I love you too. More than anything. 'M gonna take care of you today, 'kay? Don't you worry, your soldier's comen'”.

You lied down on the sofa after finishing dinner and Bucky cleaned the kitchen, to cuddle, lacing your legs and arms together under your blanket. You felt much better than that morning. You took a warm bath, your pills, a long nap, and filled your stomach with all the things he bought for you —yet having your hot raccoon under your shirt, well pressed to your abdomen. You felt better than in heaven, receiving tender kisses from your boyfriend to any part of your body he had access to, putting more effort and love whenever he could reach your lips from behind.

Bucky was swept off his feet for you, it was something undeniable. You were his anchor, keeping him afloat twenty-four seven. And taking care of you as part of his nature, always feeling that necessity, that urgency for making you feel happy, loved, satisfied in any kind of way. You were his whole life. So, when it came to you, anything was insufficient for him.

Turning around under his firm, warm and fond embrace, you brought your lips to his. It was an ephemeral touch that caused him to close his eyes and sigh completely in love, feeling his heart racing from one second to another under your palm rested on his chest. Your left made his way to the back of his head as soon as Bucky parted your mouth in such a slow-motion to slide his tongue, looking for yours, gently caressing it. Your boyfriend pressed you a little more closely, as if it was possible, letting you almost lie on top of him. There weren't any sexual intentions hidden behind that kiss, just wanting to show him how much you appreciate any effort he did for you.

Both of you ended up breathing through your nostrils, not wanting to pause your session of makeout in the gloomy of your living room. He lived for those long, long kisses, only worrying about tasting your saliva, biting your lips, and playing with your tongue. And, God, Bucky was an expert, causing you soft goosebumps whenever he caressed your back or arms so lovingly that melted your heart completely.

“Thank you”. You whispered as you could, stroking his weak spot beneath his ear with your thumb.

He couldn't help but purr delighted on your mouth, feeling a smile curving up to his lips as he got comfier under your weight after positioning you between his legs, using you as his favorite personal blanket.

“I love you, Buck… So much I can't explain”.

“Try it, darlin'. You have a whole life to bear me”.

“What a nightmare”. You giggled, placing a smooch on top of his nose.

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tag list: @whatrambles @phoenixhalliwell @homesicam @/marvel-diaries @amelia-song-pond @heartbeats-wildly @met4no1a @weenersoldierr @petlaufeyson @sillygamingartghost @wildflowergubler @isnt-it-loverly @zealouspursecowboydeputy @rvgrsbrns @artisancowbells @plagooey @tinylumpiaa @hemsbucky @bxmaaa @quxxnxfhxll @soldierstucky @knowyourworth-sellyoursoul @hateinthemorning @asemistablehundredyearoldman @purpleelfwizard @twinerd14 @nikkixostan @stolenxkissess @wintersfilm @whoreforsamwilson @thatcrackheadsadbitchtm @baconmuffins1216 @28cnn @hxlyhoax @lieswithoutfairytales @angrybirdxx @clownerlyluv @kait-is-always-late @marvel-ousnesss @natashadeservedbetter @ebxny27 @fanofalltheficsx @spider-man-lover @masterlists101 @lewd-alien @warm-sensations @stealapizzamyheart @talk-on-the-street @theresnoplatypus

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan imagine #the winter soldier fanfiction #the winter soldier x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky x you

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rcksmith · 3 years ago

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Beautiful - Kaz Brekker.

Requests: “Also, the image of Kaz comforting with soft aftercare sobbing hot tears reader after being immensely physically and emotionally overstimulated - lives in my head rent free. Just saying. 💁💁💁”

“29 smut and 4 fluff with the Kaz AU please? Your writing style is ✨immaculate✨”

“hey there! may i request a smut fic on Kaz Brekker x reader with 43, 48 and 54? obviously everything else is your choice :)”

Fluff prompts:

4. “Sweetheart, you’re my entire world”.

Smut prompts:

29. “I didn’t know you were so sensitive.”

43. “When we get home I’m cuffing you to the bed and going down on you all night until my jaw is sore.”

48. “I only want to please you.”

54. “Come sit on my face, let me show you how much I missed you.”

Couple: Kaz Brekker/ Fem!Reader.

Warnings: swearing, explicit smut, nsfw, dirty talk, overstimulated, Kaz!soft dom.

Word count: 2k.

A/N: All smut requests for Kaz must follow these rules.

English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake

Requests are closed. Love you❤️

— — — —

Your chest rose and fell frantically, your mouth half-open in a moan or silent scream, your head thrown back on the black pillows, one hand clutching the sheet with the despair of a shipwrecked at sea. The air was hot and heavy and sizzling, the scent of sex and lust had long time flooded the room and now the fragrance only deepened.

His hot tongue licked your most swollen and quivering spot, his lips closing on your absurdly wet crest and sucking with sensual hunger. The electrifying sensation made you want to close your legs for the pleasure and pain of overstimulation. But Kaz kept both hands firmly on your thighs, separating them precisely, allowing him to eat you like a starving man for years. As if he hadn't already fucked you intensely minutes ago.

“Sir!” You moaned loudly, your back arching and hot tears streaming down your eyes.

You sobbed, the sounds already mingling in your stuttering mouth, reducing you to a tearful mess. But Kaz didn't give you relief. His mouth dipped deeper, his lips eating you adoringly, his hands curling around your thigh and pulling you closer. As if it were still insufficient.

“F-fuck-! S -...” Your incoherent scream was lost in throat, sounding absurdly submissive, innocent and desperate.

Brekker chuckled a little arrogantly. The vibration of his laughter hitting your walls so swollen and wet was enough to push you over the edge. The explosion of artifice behind your eyelids make your heart to pound wildly in chest.

Kaz lifted his mouth minutely, looking up at you, his cocky smile still gracing his lips swollen and wet from your orgasm. “ I didn’t know you were so sensitive."

It was a mockery, of course. And you would have rolled your eyes at that bastard if you had the strength. But you were just a mess that was pushed to the bottom of the well, so you just ran your fingers through Kaz's hair, the tears still flowing and the breath coming in a gasp from your lips.

Brekker has always had an overwhelming hunger, especially for you. He already had a controlling and dominant personality, always seen in the highest positions of command, always the boss, and being able to bend you at his feet was such an intense feeling that you never thought it possible for anyone to feel. He was careful at the beginning of the relationship, testing the limits, asking if you were okay and giving you the security password. But as time went on, when Kaz realized that your limit line was too far away, that you loved being tearful mess for him, things got really intense.

And you loved every second. And that's why you provoked so much tonight.

Your smile was mischievous, filled with that facade of fake innocence and prickly puppy dog eyes. Your dress was tight and silky black, hugging your curves the way you knew Kaz couldn't control himself.

You were excited to overwhelming levels. Kaz had been traveling on business for the past three days and you felt much more needy than usual. And he had rules, explicit rules that involved you not can’t to touch yourself alone, your orgasms were his, so seeking relief with yourself wasn't an option.

And now he had arrived and needed to prioritize what the Crows were telling him about what had happened while he was gone. Normally, you would have understood. Kaz was an absurdly busy man, but you couldn't wait any longer. When he called you saying he was arriving at the crow club, you dressed immaculately and went to wait for him there, like just a like a girlfriend who was missing him. Not like a little devil who had much more impure intentions.

You realized that had successfully carried out your plan from the way Kaz looked at you the second he saw you. With hunger, visseral desire and sinful lust. He looked at you like he wanted to devour you. Brekker and you tried to keep up appearances for the rest of the gang, in a fiery game that only the two of you knew. But his hand was glued around your waist the entire time, in a possessive touch.

You had even been distracted a little more by Jesper's jokes when a voice, warm and sinful, whispered huskily in your ear: “When we get home I'm cuffing you to the bed and going down on you all night until my jaw is sore.”

The two of you already lived together, and Brekker lavished himself on that luxury by banging your back on the door when getting home. In an aggressive kiss, permeated with lust and longing, your body was already hot and you could feel panties wet without him even touching you right.

"I missed you." You whimpered into his mouth, your arms wrapped around his neck as you purposely pressed your breasts against his male chest. "I only want to please you."

"You have no idea how much I missed you." His mouth dipped into your once more, his hands roving possessively over your body.

“I doubt.” You stubbornly teased, just because you wanted more attention. More attention from him.

Kaz smiled that dissolute sideways smile, bringing a hand up to your throat and giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Come sit on my face, let me show you how much I missed you.”

He had already made you come three times. Fucking you and eating you like an insatiable man, never feeling satisfied to see his own cum ooze out of you or feel you cuming.

"Fucking good slut." Another slap was delivered to your left thigh, followed by a possessive squeeze.

Kaz was on top of you again, slamming his mouth into yours in a fierce way, making you taste your own taste. It wasn't a pretty or elegant kiss. Tongues danced at once and your cum mixing with saliva. You sobbed loudly, your hands on his chest, the tears running hot and mixing with your smudged mascara. You were a tearful mess, exuding that submissive innocence. And the way you were vulnerable and at his mercy only fueled his hunger.

Kaz Brekker wanted more.

"Are you going to take my cum inside you like a good girl?" His voice was warm and lusty.

You stuttered, your breath burning in your chest and your pussy swollen with aching clit.

"D-daddy." You whimpered “I-I don't know if I c-can.” Your waist moved to his, and a broken moan escaped as your rubbed against his throbbing cock.

“Oh my poor baby.” His mouth was on your again, his cock rubbing against slippery entrance and swallowing your moans and sobs.

You two had a security password, and Kaz knew damn well you remembered and were perfectly lucid to say it. But the truth was, you didn't want to. You liked hunting, you liked the game, you liked being helpless in his arms and being used like a doll. And you knew Kaz knew that.

"Can't you handle my dick?" He tasted you, the tip of his cock pressing into your entrance.

You threw your head back, a moan along with a loud sob escaping your mouth and hot tears flowing in a steadier rhythm. Your hands were trembling against his chest, breasts rising and falling desperately with your panting breath. You shifted your waist, and Kaz used it to sink deep inside you.

Your scream came broken and fighting breath. Brekker bit his lip hard for the overwhelming pleasure it was to see you like this, feel you like this, enter your pussy and feel you throbbing strongly and sucking his cock inside.

"Fucking hell!" It hit your G-spot, and you felt a sob choke in throat.

Kaz hit again and sank down as far as possible, touching the tip of his cock to the mouth of your uterus and pouring all the hot cum there. For the second time that night.

"Fuck- Daddy!" You squinted your eyes and the scream was caught in your throat by your panting breath.

You pussy burned from overstimulation, her clitoris extremely sore and swollen. The hot tears flowed continually, and you buried your face in the crook of Kaz's neck, whimpering.

"My little princess." Kaz's warm arms encircled you, tracing lazy circles with his thumbs across your warm skin. “You did so, so good. Taking it all like a such good girl.”

You hiccuping. Your legs and hands trembling, your pussy swollen and throbbing. You breath burned in chest and you could have sworn your womb felt filled with Kaz's cum. As if the deep he poured into you, as deep as possible, had reached his goal and filled you up. Completely.

Kaz pulled his dick out of you gently, but pulled your panties back between your legs to keep his cum from leaking out. A realization that made you both moan softly.

“We don't want it to drain do we?" He sprinkled a little kiss on your trembling lips, his right hand wiping the tears from your cheek and holding your face sweetly. “Will you hold my cum inside you like a good girl?”

Even weak and sobbing, you nodded, bending your head to his touch and rubbing your cheek in his hand. Kaz lay down beside you, wrapping his arms around your shivering body and pulling you lovingly into his chest, brushing the strands of sweat from your forehead and wiping away your hot tears with his thumbs.

"My beautiful girl."

Kaz ran his hands over your body in a tender, gentle touch, soothing the trembling in your legs. Pampering your warm skin with loving sweets, splashing a few kisses on youd cheeks and gently nuzzling your hair.

"Sweetheart, you’re my entire world" a kiss to the bridge of your nose was poured "You know that don't you?"

"I know, Kassy." Your voice was low and tired, breathing starting to settle.

You and your body both protested when Kaz got up from the bed and picked you up. His warm arms accommodated you like they were the best refuge in the world, and you were already dozing off when you realized you had been placed in a tub filled with hot water.

You let out a loud moan of complete satisfaction, and Kaz laughed.

“Yeah, I thought you might like that." He played with you and you chuckled softly.

Your eyes remained closed throughout the process. Kaz's hands slid the soap over your skin with such care and affection that you felt a huge wave of love settle in your chest. He kept going through the process, shampooing and creaming your hair and placing his flap-shaped hand over your eyes, preventing the water from falling out when he rinsed the products.

You opened your eyes a few seconds after your hair was clean, and his gaze shifted to your face.

“Hey you.” Kaz smiled and you smiled back.

“I love you.” It was the only way you could find to express everything you were feeling right now.

Kaz sensed the intensity of your feelings by your gaze, and dropped a small kiss on the tip of your nose as he said, “I love you too, Dear. Now let me dry you.”

A/N: what can i say? i am a whore. HAHAHAH anyway, besties, i've opened the tag list now so let me know if you want to be added. Requests are closed. Love you.

Tagged: @glowingatdawn

#kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker smut #kaz brekker au #kaz brekker fluff #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker #kaz brekker x oc #freddy carter x y/n #freddy carter smut #freddy carter imagines #freddy carter x you #shadow and bone au #Au

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vibratoryblurriness · 5 months ago

Text

Not sure what about that came across as aggressive or arguing, but wasn't my intent. It's just I and a bunch of other people have had a very different experience, so it at least seems possible for it to work fine. My computer is almost five years old and was extremely mid-range even back then, and it doesn't have any problems running it at 1080p60 instead of the default 720p30. At this point it sounds like it even works great on the Steam Deck, which isn't particularly fast either.

Not sure why it doesn't like your computer for some reason, and sorry your time with it sucked so much. It's just not a universal problem, even if it ideally shouldn't be a problem for anyone ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Requested by @coleybuddy

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cherrycheridarling · 4 years ago

Text

'someday maybe' | t.h.

tom holland x singer!reader

warnings: one swear? fluff and angst? kisses

summary: you're so close to finishing your second album when your manager pushes the deadline, your ex tom helps you write the final track.

{listen to someday by michael bublè and meghan trainor (if you want)}

wc: 2.1k

"Someday maybe when we're old and grey,"

"Yes, yes. I know. You are not being a very helpful manager right now, Noelle." you spoke to your phone as you paced around the living room, "Okay. I'll get working on it. Bye." you huffed and threw your phone against the couch.

Your album was due to be released in two months and you needed one more song to tie it all together. Your manager, Noelle, was pushing you to finish the song so she could start the promo of the album.

You were incredibly grateful for your career, but the pressure weighed down on you everyday. Never ending.

With a final groan you picked up your acoustic guitar and sat on the couch. Picking at the strings, trying to find a melody. You hit record on your voice memo app before strumming away.

"Someday maybe when we're old and grey, we can be in love once more. 'Till then I won't give my love away. Darling, I'm forever only yours." you sang softly.

You and Tom had a joyous relationship. A love that only ever existed in movies and fairytales. The type of love story that gets told for generations and onwards. But alas, all good things must come to an end.

Your breakup was calm, serene and clean. A mutual agreement as if your whole relationship had been a business deal. There were no loose ends or jealous passive aggressive remarks made. Just maturity and respect for one another.

Your pinky still held the promise ring he gave you. A token of appreciation. A reassurance that he'd always be there for you. And he lived up to his word.

Tom walked in and sat across from you, startling you, "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. Whatcha writing?"

"Need a final song for the album. Sorry for showing up unannounced. I just get better inspiration here, with all the memories, you know?" you timidly looked back down at the guitar.

Tom nodded, "No need to apologize. We gave you a spare key for a reason."

You couldn't stop yourself from spilling the words from your lips, "That was when we were together."

You could hear the awkward silence start to fill the room before he spoke again, "Still our best friend, Y/L/N."

The pain that crossed your features was instant. Being addressed by your last name felt like a stab to the gut. Especially by Tom.

You nodded before playing again, "Can I help you write it?" Tom asked as he sat next to you.

"Dancer, gymnast, actor and now songwriter. How many hidden talents have you got, Holland?" you teased making him laugh.

He shrugged with a smile, "It's kind of like writing a poem, right?"

You pondered on his analogy before slowly nodding, "Yeah, it kind of is. Give it a go."

You began playing the melody and he listened intently for a few moments before singing, "I love seeing you happy. I miss seeing that smile. It's been such a long time. A– Nope. Nope. Nuh-uh. I can't do it." he shook his head aggressively with a loud laugh as you stopped playing.

"No!" you quickly protested, "That was amazing! Don't leave me hanging, c'mon." you nudged him with your shoulder before strumming again.

"Alright, alright." he ran his hands down his face, "And although I don't have you, I know now that I need to?" he paused and gave you a skeptical look before you nodded again, "Somehow make you mine. Mmm."

"Oh, okay. He's giving ad-libs and all. Get it." you nodded as he laughed.

You were so engrossed on Tom actually writing a song with you that you didn't focus on the lyrics he was singing.

"And I won't lie, it's hard seeing you with him 'cause I know he can't hold you like I can." his mood seemed to drop by a thousand as the words left his lips.

"When can we meet this boyfriend of yours?" Harrison flicked your forehead from across the booth.

You, Harrison, Tom and Tuwaine were all sat in the local pub. Pints of beer in front of each of you as loud music and chatting filled your ears.

You shrugged, "He's picking me up, so possibly tonight."

Tuwaine's eyes lit up, "Fina-fucking-lly. I swear you've kept him hidden for years."

"We've only been together for three months, T." you laughed lightly with the group of boys.

And they met him. It wasn't the smoothest of introductions, but an introduction nonetheless.

"Boys, this is Kai. Kai this is Tom, Harrison and Tuwaine." you gestured to the parties as they all shook hands and gave polite greetings.

"So," Harrison started, "What do you do for a living, Kai?"

Kai cleared his throat, "I'm a Senior Resident at Kingston Hospital. Working towards being Head of Pediatrics."

Tuwaine and Harrison both nodded, impressed by his profession. Tom's face remained expressionless as he stared at Kai with cold eyes.

"Do you have any siblings, Kai? Any psycho ex-girlfriends? Any wacky cousins?" Tuwaine joked making everyone laugh. "'Cause Y/N has a lot of wacky cousins."

"We could be in love once more,"

"Hey!" you gasped with a laugh.

Kai pulled you closer to him as he laughed, "No, no wacky cousins or psycho exes, but I do have an older sister and a younger brother."

This game of ask and answer continued on for a few more minutes. Tom didn't say a word, just sipped his beer and burned holes into Kai with his eyes. If looks could kill, Kai would be six feet under.

Kai was a sweetheart, but you two ended ages ago. His work got too much for him and your job had you touring and travelling every second.

You picked up after him with the chorus before diving into your own verse, "I remember that love song. I sang every word wrong, but you didn't mind, no, no."

"I love the things you do. It's how you do the things you love. Well it's not a love song, not a love song. I love the way you get me, but correct me if I'm wrong. This is not a love song, not a love song!" Tom belted the 'Austin & Ally' song from the top of his lungs.

"Your turn!" he pointed the pretend mic in your direction.

You laughed, not knowing any of the lyrics, but still wanting to participate, "I love that you not a licket! And you own a watch and chicken! We got a car!" you sang with full confidence, making Tom burst with laughter.

"Yes! Sing it, darling!" he cheered you on, "Absolutely butchering the lyrics, but sing it!"

"Being stuck inside a car. If it's not a doe, don't kiss it! I can't hear a missing, when there's a shoe inside the ceiling! If you really need to fart, you can lunch on a pig farm! Love song! Love song!" you couldn't even hear the song in the background, your voice overpowering it.

Tom was hunched over from laughing before he came back up and planted a soft kiss on your lips, "You are one hundred percent ridiculous and I love it."

You brought yourself back to reality and sang again, "And I'll admit that I miss you, but only if you do. 'Cause you know that I'm shy. And I can't lie, it's hard seeing you with her. 'Cause I know she can't love you like I can."

Tom's eyes met yours as the words fell from your gentle lips. His mouth was slightly agape as you continued to strum.

"You are absolute rubbish. Imagine coming in eighth. Embarassing." you laughed as you crushed Harrison in a game of Mario Kart.

He shoved you with his shoulder, "You're such a try ha—"

"—It's always the same, Tom! How can I trust you? You follow gorgeous models on Instagram and expect me to trust you?" Nadia's voice cut Harrison's words off.

You looked at him with wide eyes, his expression matching yours.

"Those women that I follow have been my friends for ages. Who I follow on a stupid app shouldn't effect how much you trust me."

You paused the game, cutting off the theme song, "How long have they been fighting like this?"

Harrison sighed, a long groan following, "A few weeks. I think it started when she saw that he liked your Instagram picture?"

You stammered, "M-my post? She got mad about my post?"

Harrison nodded before opening his mouth to speak, but Nadia cut him off again, "And she practically lives here! How do you think it makes me feel seeing my boyfriend play house with a superstar?!"

"Aw, a superstar? I'm flattered." you joked making Harrison stifle a laugh.

"I've been friends with Y/N since we were in nappies!"

"I can't be with you if you're going to be friends with her."

Your laughter abruptly died at her words. Harrison stiffened beside you.

"Y-you can't be serious. You can't make me choose between you and her."

"Why? Because you're gonna choose her?" you could hear her voice crack.

"I-" Tom couldn't make out a sentence for a few moments, "Yeah. I'm gonna choose her."

Your heart fell from it's place, stopping at your feet. Harrison brought a hand to his mouth, "H-he chose you. He chose you!" he whisper shouted before you shushed him.

"Of course. I don't know why I expected anything different. I think I'll be going now." Nadia's footsteps approached the living room.

You and Harrison scrambled to look as if you weren't eavesdropping on their argument/breakup.

Tom followed close behind her, "I'm sorry. I really am."

She nodded, hand on the doorknob, "I know. Goodbye." she stepped out of the house, slamming the front door shut in the process.

Tom let out a breath of relief before turning to you and Harrison who were staring at the Mario Kart home screen with the infamous tune playing.

"You guys are terrible actors."

"'Till then I won't give my love away,"

"I'm forever only yours." the both of you finished the song in unison.

There was a moment of silence before you reached over and ended the voice recording.

"T-that was really good. You can change what I wrote, I know it isn't as good as anything you would've written, but I tried. And it was actually pretty fun and I never knew how difficult songwriting was un—"

"—Kiss me." you cut Tom's rambling off.

His eyes grew wide, "W-wha—"

"—Kiss me, Holland."

He swallowed, a small smile stretching on his lips, "Thank God."

And with that, he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours. Interlocking like missing puzzle pieces. Moving in sync like waves in the ocean. Soft and sweet, but filled with passion. You could feel his smile against your lips causing you to grin.

His hand came up to pull your face closer into his. Caressing your jaw, fingertips playing with the hairs on the back of your neck. His other hand holding your hip in a tight grip. Pressing the pads of his digits into your flesh, scared that you might slip through his fingers again.

One of your hands was pressed flat against his chest. Steadying yourself, the heat of the kiss threatening to throw you off of your axis. Your other hand tangled itself into Tom's curls. Pulling and tugging lightly causing small groans to fall from Tom's lips. Your fingernails scratching his scalp. Pulling him impossibly closer to you.

"I want my ten pounds." Harrison's voice snapped you and Tom out of your make out session.

Him and Tuwaine stood in the doorway, shit eating grins on their faces.

Tuwaine laughed before placing a ten pound note in Harrison's palm, "You guys couldn't have waited until next month to get back together?"

"You two were betting on us?" Tom laughed at his mates who nodded.

You shook your head with a smile, "Absolute idiots, all of you."

Harrison let out a happy sigh and pocketed the money, "Today was a good day. Had a sick ass shoot. Got ten pounds. And my best friends are finally together again." he waltzed into the kitchen with Tuwaine, leaving you and Tom alone again.

Tom's shy expression met your gleeful one before he spoke, "Someday came a lot sooner than expected, huh?" he chuckled.

You nodded with a laugh, "It certainly did and I am not complaining."

He sent you a wide grin before cupping your face and connecting your lips to his again.

"Darling, I'm forever only yours."

#tom holland #tom holland angst #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland x actress!reader #tom holland x famous!reader #tom holland x osterfield!reader #tom holland x reader #tom holland x singer!reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom holland imagine #tom holland oneshot #tom holland one shot #tom holland blurb #tom holland headcanon #tom holland series #tom holland fic

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latte-fairytaekwoon · 4 years ago

Text

𝑵𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 𝑹𝒂𝒊𝒏 (𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝑴𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒊) 𝑹𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐢 (𝐀𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐳)× 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐅𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞)

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐅𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟, 𝐒𝐦𝐮𝐭.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 5.4K

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐇𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐲𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐞'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐨. 𝐇𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐢𝐦, 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞. 𝐈𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞, 𝐡𝐞'𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐦.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐬, 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐩𝐬, 𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 (𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐞), 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐬𝐞𝐦𝐢- 𝐮𝐧𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠.

𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: 𝐍𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐑𝐚𝐢𝐧- 𝐆𝐮𝐧𝐬 𝐍' 𝐑𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐬/ 𝐅𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲- 𝐉𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐲

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @little-precious-baby @yunhoiseyecandy @yunhofingers @brie02 @deja-vux @rvse-miingi @multidreams-and-desires @galaxteez

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Waving enthusiastically at the crowd cheering loudly at the end of their performance, Mingi's eyes were scanning each and every one of the sections in the auditorium. To anyone it would seem as though he was making sure to shine his beautiful and radiant smile to all the adoring fans that came to watch and support him and his members, and yes that was partly why. But it wasn't just that. He had hope as he scanned every face in there. Hope of once again seeing her again. He could hear his own heartbeat pump against his ears, the sound drowning out all the chanting coming from the thousands of fans gathered in there.

Sensing what was going on, one of his members couldn't help but let out a sigh. Leaning in close enough so he could hear him, he whispered in his ear.

"She's not here Mingi."

He expected such words from his best friend, who although with good intentions, seemed to try to ground him back down to earth and inadvertently crush his hopes. But he never took it personally. He knew Yunho was only trying to look out for him and spare him more heartache. Nudging him slightly, the equally tall male swung an arm around Mingi's broad shoulders, plastering on a smile out to the crowd once more as he led them backstage as slowly the members started to walk off the stage as scheduled. Accepting that the night was over, Mingi pulled his face away from the crowd and began walking away. He would have ultimately called it another uneventful concert that ended the same way and just go back to change into his normal clothes and then join the rest of the group back at the hotel to lounge and rest.

But he felt a something strange, pulling and beckoning him to look back at the scatter of people behind him once more. Slowly, he tried his head, unsure of where to look exactly, eyes wandering around aimlessly. Until they spotted what he believed to be a familiar red scarf wrapped around a person's neck, effectively covering up the bottom half of their face while their head had a matching beret that covered their forehead entirely. Although he couldn't see much other than their body frame, he felt his heart swell up, legs unable to move as he stared at the figure. Yunho stopped when he felt Mingi no longer walking behind him. Walking back to him, he put on a smile so as to not act suspicious and began pulling him away.

"Mingi..we have to go."

But Mingi stayed grounded, still scanning the figure he had locked his eyes on. The person began walking away, almost as if they didn't even acknowledge him.

"Wait hold on-"

Just as he was about to run off the stage and follow them, Yunho harshly tugged on his arm and fiercely guided him backstage, waving out towards the people still watching them so as to not arouse suspicion or have them think something was wrong.

"Mingi, it's not her. You always swear it is but it's not."

Yunho didn't mean to sound so aggressive towards his long life friend, but he cared about him too much and didn't want him getting false illusions that would only end up in him getting more hurt than what he already was.

"I know but it's different! Yunho she was wearing the scarf I gave her. I know it was it!" He insisted, anxiously looking towards the door, debating whether or not he could make a dash and catch up to the individual.

Shaking his head, Yunho placed his hands on top of his friend's shoulders.

"Mingi.....there's a million red scarfs out there. And you were too far away. Honestly I think....."

He hesitated before speaking his next words, knowing how sensitive Mingi got with the topic.

"Forget about her."

As if on instinct, Mingi shook his head.

"No! I can't. I promised I'd wait for her and I'm not breaking my word. I'll stay faithful to it until she comes back."

"But what if she doesn't?! It's been over two years Mingi! Face the facts. She's not coming back. Y/N never loved-"

"Don't say that! She did- she does love me! I know she does!"

Yunho took a step back. Seeing Mingi become so agitated and frustrated like that truly terrified him. It was always dangerous to have him get mad or overly worked up. Sensing that he probably startled his friend a little too much, Mingi ran a hand over his dyed blonde hair, a despondent sigh coming out his mouth.

"Hey Yunho I'm sorry..... I think.... I need some air."

After changing into his normal clothes, Mingi didn't get in the van like most of the other guys who just wanted to go relax back at the hotel, nor did he follow Wooyoung or Hongjoong to go check out some of the nearby stores. He simply walked in the opposite direction, mindlessly strolling the streets of the unfamiliar city he was currently in. The slight rumbling of the skies and the subtle scent of dew signaled that it was more than likely going to start pouring rain soon. Even though he was wearing one of his long trenchcoat, the slight breeze that blew across sent tiny chills down his spine, nearly making his teeth chatter.

As if it were a beacon, Mingi stumbled across a small and cozy looking coffee shop. Making sure it was still open, he cheerfully greeted the sweet looking old woman behind the counter, who seemed to brighten up at seeing such a handsome young lad at such an hour. Very calmly and politely, he ordered just a simple caramel cappuccino, which the owner was delighted to whip up for him. Just as he took out his wallet to pay, he had a weird inkling feeling for some reason.

"Uh..... do you perhaps sell hot cocoa?" He inquired nervously.

After getting confirmation that they indeed made hot chocolate, Mingi asked if there was any possible way they could add peppermint to it. He could already feel the judgmental stare about to be given to him as most baristas did with such an unpopular request. Although she seemed surprised by the special addition of peppermint, she didn't hesitate to assure him she'd definitely make it as he liked. Mingi felt so grateful to the kind lady, making sure to leave her a generous tip before taking both of his drinks and going back outside.

Spotting a nearby gazebo, Mingi went over and sat down on one of the benches that were placed underneath the roof of it. Setting the hot mint chocolate down next to him, he sipped his cappuccino slowly, being careful not to burn his tongue on the scorching hot liquid. It had the perfect amount of foam in it, with not too much caramel added in it so the strong espresso could still be made out. Wiping off some of the froth that accidentally got on the tip of his nose, he peered down at the untouched drink next to him. Chuckling dryly to himself, he picked up the cup and scanned it with deep curiosity.

"You always were so different and unique." He mused to himself.

Putting it back down, he began to think it was absolutely silly to have bought it just because of some momentary whim he felt back in the coffee shop.

Or was it nostalgia?

Mingi began to believe it was the latter, especially considering what month it was. After all, it was during this exact same time 2 years ago, on a cold and gloomy November where everything started...

Or perhaps ended?

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Exhausted panting came from all 8 of the sweaty bodies of the males in the room, about half of them were already reaching for their water bottles to gulp down the contents before proceeding to try catching their breath once more. The strict yet kind eyes watching them announced they would be taking a break before saying they'd be rehearsing for another hour or two. Simultaneous groans and protests were elicited by the members, who were already tired from thinking about burning a few more calories with their intense dance sessions.

"Looks like I'm missing the new episode of aot." San dramatically layed on the floor, arms sprawled out.

"I'm calling first dibs on the shower when we get back." Seonghwa declared, not afraid of using his status as the oldest member if it meant getting himself cleaned.

"Aww Hyung! You take showers that are way too long! You'll finish all the hot water like last time." Woow already began nagging, which in turn started another argument between his both of them, with San and Yunho joining in to offer backup if necessary.

Ignoring their pointless bantering, Mingi took the time to call up his girlfriend to let her know. It took quite some time for her to pick up his call, it had actually become a rather recent and constant habit of hers, contrary to before when she'd immediately answer on the second ring.

"What?" Her voice sounded somewhat annoyed and tired, which Mingi guessed had something to do with her work.

"Hey baby, looks like I'm going to be staying late at the company for practice. I'm sorry, I really wanted to spend time with you, but I'm not sure it's possible." He could feel his heart pounding as he began imagining her disappointed and disheartened look.

As expected, he heard her sigh through the other end, a brief pause where he only heard her breathing before she finally spoke up.

"That's fine. I'm going to be pulling extra hours today anyways so....don't be sorry. Maybe it works out in the end."

Mingi noticed how dry and monotone she sounded, as if it didn't really bother her that this would yet be another week where they hardly spoke and spent time together for more than 10 minutes.

"Oh ok....take care then, and remember to eat a snack in between hours ok? I don't want you starving yourself ok baby?"

The girl on the other end of the line didn't need to see him to know he was more than likely pouting at her as usual, always fussing to her about her health.

"Ok. Take care Mingi."

"Y/N!.............."

He bit his lip before saying the next words.

"I- I love you." Although he forced a smile on his face, his voice trembled with fear at saying that.

"I....I know. I gotta go."

Once more, she hung up without repeating those same words back to him. Mingi didn't understand why his girlfriend of forever seemed to be acting strange. Lately she hardly had anything to say, she looked less and less animated each time they video chatted, the dark circles under her eyes were becoming more prominent and judging by the way her cheeks looked a little sunken and clothes looked baggy on her, he fussed she was not eating properly.

But the thing that scared Mingi the most was seeing her soulless eyes. Those eyes that once held the entire stars in them, were now empty and completely void of any emotion. She never initiated any form of physical contact with him, it was always him pulling her into an embrace or placing a kiss on her head, nose or lips, and even when she reciprocated them, they were always cold and almost robotic.

It was starting to terrify him.

"Mingi!"

He nearly dropped his phone when the tiny leader called out to him.

"Break time is over. We gotta start again."

Putting his phone back in his bag he promised himself that even if he left at early dawn, he would go over and see his lover. He just had to.

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Letting out a long and exasperated sigh, Y/N kicked off her heels and left them on the front of the door, her toes aching after all the grueling and arduous hours of both sitting and running up and down floors. Her once neat bun now had various hairs poking out from several places and was now drooping lower than in the morning. She slumped her tired body over to her bedroom, ready to just indulge in a warm shower and then head to bed. But the last thing she expected to see when she turned on the light, was none other than her boyfriend.

"Hey." He waved his hand at her, a soft smile on his lips.

She was momentarily confused with his presence.

"I thought you had practice." She raised an eyebrow, her tone sounding more accusatory than with delight.

"I did...but then I came over here." He explained.

"Why?"

Mingi blinked at her question, stunned that she would even ask why. Getting up from the bed, he slowly walked over to her cautiously. Once he was right in front of her, he reached a hand out to caress her cheek.

"Why? I naturally wanted to see you.....hear you...touch you."

Arms wrapping around her waist, he lowered his face until he pressed a soft kiss to her mildly chapped lips. Although he felt her give in after a while, he could feel that her heart was not in it. Every brush of her lips felt extremely languid and emotionless, even after he had turned a little more desperate and began to trail messy kisses across her jaw, her hands did not move away from her sides, her head only tilting to allow him more access to her skin. Before he could move to pull off her shirt, she stopped him by gripping his wrists.

"If you don't mind I'd like to clean myself off first."

Not even giving him a chance to say anything, she pushed past him and made a beeline to the bathroom. Shutting the door behind her, she leaned her back on it, staring into the floor for a few minutes in a somewhat catatonic state. Taking a deep breath, she slowly removed each one of the articles of clothing on her body, all of them feeling like a heavy weight on her. Ripping the scrunchie off her hair, she tossed it onto the floor so it could join the pile that had already been made in a corner. Sliding the glass door open, she got inside the shower and quickly turned on the water, first the splashes coming out at an almost freezing temperature, which although her body shivered at, she did not shrink away from. Then the water finally adjusted to a more warm temperature, not too hot but warm enough to soothe her sore muscles.

Closing her eyes, she decided to simply bask in the warmth of the water coating her body, shutting off her mind from all the spiraling thoughts that had been clouding her mind for the past weeks, refusing to go away and seemingly taunting her at every hour when she least expected it. She hurt, she was in pain yet there were no physical evidence of it. She could barely eat more than 2 bites of any meal she intook because it suddenly felt too full. At nights, her eyes drooped heavy with sleep, yet her restless mind wouldn't allow her even one full hour of sweet slumber though that's all she wanted.....

She just wanted to fall asleep and hopefully never wake up so as to not feel the pain and emptiness she felt.

So lost was she in the moment that she failed to hear or notice the one individual coming in to join her until she felt familiar hands come to wrap themselves around her waist.

"It's all right love. It's just me." Mingi softly whispered when she gasped lightly at the sudden touch.

Letting her relax under his touch before doing anything else, Mingi's fingers slowly began drawing circles around her hips as he kept his face buried in her neck. Inhaling deeply, he could make out her unique scent that his senses had committed to memory, but could also faintly discern a somewhat different odor that he had never before detected on her before. It was slightly off-putting to him, but he opted for brushing it off. After all, she worked with several people at her job.

Slowly, he began peppering kisses along her shoulder, which seemed to trigger deep and blissful sighs to exude from her nose. His hands moved up to cup around her breasts, kneading at her soft skin while the thumbs grazed over her sensitive nubs in a careful motion. Soft moans poured out from her mouth. Tilting her head back, she reached a hand up to bring her lover's face to hers so she could kiss him. Her moans were now being eaten up by his mouth and tongue as his fingers stroked between her legs, probing at her folds and rubbing at her clit. Pulling apart to catch her breath, Y/N looked up at Mingi with longing and desperation.

"Please....more." She begged at him.

Prying her folds open, he carefully inserted two of his slender and long fingers inside her, her walls practically sucking him in. She felt so tight around him, her walls hugging and clenching all around his fingers. Y/N threw her head back against his shoulder as she began grinding against his hand, savoring as she was finally feeling something, anything in a long time. Her hand had moved to pet at his head, her fingers brushing away his now damp hair in gentle caresses. Wanting to see, feel him more, she removed his hand away from her mound and firmly pressed him towards one of the walls, where she then began to kiss him hungrily and in subtle anguish.

Mingi just allowed her to take control for that moment, his heart lightening up at finally getting some reaction from her. He let her take a hold of his erect cock and pump him slowly as her mouth sucked on several patches of skin on his neck to leave tiny blotches across it. He missed this, he missed being intimate with her and missed having her touch him, not to fulfill any sexual yearning, but to be close to her. He always saw these tender and passionate moments as a display of their love and bond.

Soon the water had been turned off and both of their dripping bodies were fumbling out and landing on top of the bed. Mingi hissed softly as he watched his beautiful girlfriend sink down and his length.

"Fuck. It's been too long."

Sitting up, he wrapped his arms around her, wanting to be as close as possible as he began to roll his hips up. Wanting to take his time, Mingi took one of her supple breasts and stuffed it in his mouth, giving it various light suckles and then adding a few kisses onto it. Y/N began panting and moaning uncontrollably, so many emotions rushing through her all at once. It seemed as if all that time of not feeling anything had left her somewhat numb to emotions that now she was beginning to feel overwhelmed by all the ones that were hitting her now:

Love, lust, passion, anger, fury, agony, guilt, one by one they all crashed into her head and heart. It was becoming too much for her and it began to scare her somewhat. But she didn't want them to stop, she wanted to cling onto those emotions just a little longer, no matter what or how. She hadn't even realized her hands had placed themselves on Mingi's broad shoulders, holding her steady as she began to bounce herself on top of him, slow tears trickling down her cheeks as muffled cries of desperation were being choked back and bitten back by her lips. Her fear of not feeling anymore soon turned to rage, and it was manifesting itself as she fucked herself on her boyfriend, who by now had noticed the change in her mood.

Mingi tried to grip her hips down, but she didn't seem to care and tried to push his hands away. His calling out to her fell upon deaf ears as she swatted his hands, tat were trying to steady her, away. Finally, he firmly held her wrists and kept her from moving as he forced her to look at him.

"Y/N!" He sharply exclaimed, breaking her out of her trance.

Feeling her body starting to shake, Y/N looked away in shame, her eyes threatening to spill out more tears.

"Baby, look at me, what's wrong?" Mingi gently cupped her chin.

Not meaning to be so mean, but Y/N brushed his hand away and began to climb off him.

"I'm sorry.... I'm so sorry."

Getting up, she ransacked her drawer and pulled out some clothes and dressed herself in an inhumane speed.

"Honey, we can talk about it-" Mingi tried to touch her once more but she pulled away once more.

"I don't want to talk about it! Please! I just want to go to bed."

Marching over to the closet, she grabbed some spare pillows and a blanket.

"I'm sleeping on the couch." She firmly stated, not about to let herself be dissuaded from her resolution.

"Y/N, please don't do this. Stop shutting me out."

With one final attempt, Mingi grabbed her shoulder and turned her arousal to face him, eyes intently searching and scanning every inch of her face for a clue as to what was bothering her.

"Talk to me love, you know you can."

Y/N opened her mouth, about to spill what was on her heart, but ultimately decided against it.

"I can't.....I'm sorry. Just please....let me be for now."

Mingi's hands fell to his sides in defeat as he watched the most important person in his life leave him there, alone. He hated this, hated having her become so distant from him. He could feel it in his heart that sooner or later she was going to snap and hurt his heart, probably more than what he was imagining.

But he was ready for that moment.

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Having gotten absolutely no sleep that night, Y/N ended up getting up just hours before the sun was supposed to rise. Making sure to make as little noise as possible, she made sure to bundle up since it was chilly outside. She looked over at the peaceful and sleeping figure of her boyfriend, who was softly letting out subtle snores as his hands clutched around a pillow, holding onto it as if his life depended on it. He could never fully call asleep unless he was holding something, that something always being her. She could make out a faint wet patch on his pillow where his cheek rested, tell tale sign that he had been crying the night before, just as she had done.

With a kiss to his forehead, she left the house and headed out, her destination still unclear. She just walked wherever her legs led her to, whether conscious or unconsciously. There was hardly a soul around to keep her company on that lonely and cold morning walk in the autumn breeze. Her teeth were chattering inside her mouth whenever a rather blunt force of air swooped past her, making her lick her lips as she felt them drying up even more.

Without realizing it she had come across a small and serene park, a trail specifically used for early joggers right in front of her. Following the trail, she kept her head down as she slowly strolled through the immense trees surrounding her. The golden and garnet hued leaves were scattered about all around the semi dead grass, some of it blowing through the air. She paid no attention to them though, she paid no attention at all to her surroundings. She couldn't feel anything anyways, even the cold air was becoming numb to her at this point.

"Mind if I join you?"

She halted in her steps when a low voice spoke from behind her. She didn't need to see him to know who he was.

"How'd you know I was here?" She questioned him without turning around still.

"Lucky guess."

Moving in front of her, Mingi's tall figure loomed over hers, studying her mood which right now seemed apathetic and melancholic. Standing there all quiet for a brief moment, Mingi was the one who decided to break the ice.

"I love you, you know that right?"

Without even batting an eye, Y/N slowly nodded. Expecting that reaction, Mingi chuckled dryly.

"You know it's been a while since I've heard you respond at all to me saying that...."

Once more, she had no expression on her face, hardly even blinking as she stared right through him, almost as if he wasn't there. But she was listening to him, and he knew it too. Brushing some hair behind her ear, Mingi let out a deep sigh.

"Y/N...... I know you're not ok. I don't know how or what it is you're feeling, but I want you to know that I'm here for you. Maybe you should go see a therapist, a doctor, I don't know. We'll find out what's wrong so you-"

"Mingi I don't know what I feel for you anymore."

He felt as if a knife had been plunged at his chest. Although he expected her to say something that would hurt him, he still wasn't fully ready to hear those words.

"Just 2 months ago you said and thought differently. Back then you always told me you loved me and cherished me." He kindly reminded her.

"Maybe feelings change." She bluntly stated.

"Yes they do which is why I don't believe you when you say you don't feel anything for me anymore. I know my Y/N, I know the girl I fell in love with and I know that these past weeks, seeing how you're acting.......that's not you."

She didn't move away when he cupped her cheeks.

"I know you still love me, I can see it in your eyes. Your love is just restrained right now. Just give it time. Trust me."

Choking back tears, Y/N finally made eye contact with him.

"Just end it Mingi. I don't have the heart to do it, so please just end things with me. Don't hold onto me anymore. Move on with your life and find someone who can love you like you deserve to be loved."

Mingi immediately shook his head, that being an option he was not accepting.

"Baby, do you need some time on your own? Some time alone? I can give you that. Maybe that way it'll be good for you to use that time to get help and-"

"Mingi I cheated on you." She confessed.

His body stood frozen in place at her admittance, yet he was not shocked at all. The weird scent he detected on her and the way she sometimes recoiled from his touch as if guilt ate her alive, he always had that thought on the back of his head.

"So you fell in love with someone else?"

Y/N let out a sob.

"No.......absolutely not. It meant nothing and I just did it because I wanted to feel something, anything and he was right there. But that's no excuse and I'm sorry Mingi. I'm sorry I'm not the girlfriend you deserve. You deserve so much better than me. Someone who's not broken, foolish and dead already. So please..."

Her hands came up to hide her face as she began crying like she hadn't done in a long time.

"Just forget about me....."

Even if she didn't want it, Mingi embraced her, holding her tightly as she tearfully spilled her heart and emotions out. His heart ached for her. She was suffering, emotionally and mentally she was in pain and she didn't even want to admit it. He couldn't force her to get help, but he couldn't just leave her like that. It would tear him apart if he did. Stroking her hair, he waited until her sobbing and hyperventilating had calmed down before saying anything.

"Y/N.....you need some time alone. We....need some time alone. And I'm willing to give you as much time as you need to heal. But you have to promise me that you'll get help. It's not fair for you to keep living this way. You deserve to be happy."

Pulling back, he used his thumbs to brush away some of the tears off her cheeks.

"But this doesn't mean I'm ending things nor forgetting about you. This is only a break until you're all better and ready to come back to me."

Y/N stared at him in disbelief.

"Song Mingi, you're an even bigger idiot than I thought you were."

He giggled softly at that.

"I'm an idiot who loves you and will always love you. And this idiot knows you still love me, even if your brain refuses to let you believe it now."

Pressing his forehead against hers, he shut his eyes to keep himself from crying.

"I'll be waiting for you until you come back to me....."

Taking off the red scarf that was hanging on his neck, he wrapped it around her neck and softly padded it on.

I know you'll be back."

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He left her with a final kiss on her lips and watched her walk away, disappearing from his life for about 2 years. Rain had begun to fall then just as it was falling in that moment. Picking up the untouched peppermint hot chocolate and discarding his cappuccino on a nearby trash bin, Mingi stepped out of the gazebo and began walking back to the hotel, not caring about getting soaked in the pouring rain. Perhaps it could help to mask the tears that were beginning to spill out from his eyes. He had never felt his longing for the person he still regarded as his soulmate so dearly as he felt right then and there. He felt as if his oxygen was being caught off, his hope was beginning to dwindle, all the words his friends would often say to him were revolving around his head.

Were they right? Should he stop waiting for her? Was he wrong? Should he just move on?

He was startled out of his thoughts when he heard someone open an umbrella behind him, the person hovering it over him so the rain wouldn't hit him anymore. He felt his heart beating harshly against his chest, some overpowering sensation telling him to turn around, which he slowly began to do. The first thing his eyes caught was the familiar red scarf tied to the person's neck. He recognized it immediately. And when he looked up at the face that was looking back at him, he no longer had any doubts left.

"Y/N...." He whispered out.

Through tears in her eyes, she smiled at him, not a fake nor cold one, but a genuine and heart warming smile, just like the one she had plastered on her face when they first met each other.

"Hey Mingi. How are you?" She asked.

"I...I'm fine. ....how are you?" They both knew what he was referring to.

"I'm a lot better actually. Taking medication still sucks but I'm a lot better and happier now. My therapist has been working with me all this time so...yeah.." She seemed a little awkward talking about it, but Mingi wasn't going to push her.

"I'm glad, I truly am happy for you."

Looking back at the cup in his hand, he held it out to her.

"It's probably not hot anymore, but it's your favorite."

Y/N was surprised that he even had or remembered what her favorite was. Taking a small sip, she couldn't help the tiny grin spreading on her cheeks.

"It's perfect. I never liked it super hot either way."

They both chuckled at that known fact between them. Soon there was another silence between them, and once again it was Mingi who broke it. Brushing some hair away from her face, he stared into her eyes.

"I love you."

Looking up at him, her eyes no longer void nor cold, but instead full of life and love, Y/N answered back.

"I love you too."

Unable to hold himself back, Mingi held her tightly, overwhelmed with emotions as he finally held the love of his life in his arms once more.

"I knew you'd come back to me...."

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